Lamorne Morris

Summary

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes – Episode Featuring Lamorne Morris

Release Date: December 11, 2024

In this captivating episode of "You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes," comedian and actor Lamorne Morris joins host Pete Holmes for an insightful and humorous conversation. The duo navigates a myriad of topics, including acting techniques, the intricacies of the comedy world, personal anecdotes, and deep dives into spirituality and faith. Below is a detailed summary capturing the essence of their engaging discussion.

---

1. Acting Techniques and Industry Insights

[03:04 – 20:00]

Pete and Lamorne kick off their conversation by delving into the nuances of acting in film versus real life, highlighting the meticulous methods employed by seasoned actors like Vin Diesel. Lamorne shares his experiences working on the recently released film, Bloodshot, emphasizing Vin's dedication to scene perfection.

Pete Holmes: "What's happening, weirdos?... What a thrill."
Lamorne Morris: "He's out there with the ancient roots in the parks now."

They discuss Vin Diesel's strategic approach to filmmaking, including his tendency to stop and adjust scenes to better align with marketing strategies. This dedication to crafting the perfect shot underscores the collaborative relationship between actors and editors, shaping raw performances into compelling narratives.

Pete Holmes: "He was out there with the ancient roots in the parks now. We're starting a new rumor."

The conversation progresses to compare different action franchises, notably "Fast & Furious" versus "Mission Impossible." They explore how each series approaches stunts and storytelling, with Vin Diesel’s work often characterized by outrageous stunts and a unique blend of action and character development.

Lamorne Morris: "Vin Diesel looks like he shouldn't just be on an iPhone. Vin Diesel, you should have a satellite phone."

2. Comedy and Stand-Up Strategies

[20:00 – 40:00]

Shifting focus to the world of comedy, Pete and Lamorne discuss the essential elements of effective stand-up. Pete critiques the trend of vague or uninspired jokes, advocating for clarity and intentionality to provoke genuine laughter.

Pete Holmes: "If I had one critique of most comedy, specifically standup, I'd be like, say something... say fucking something."

Lamorne echoes this sentiment, emphasizing the importance of confidence and originality in delivering humor that resonates. They delve into the art of freestyling, with Lamorne showcasing his prowess as one of the world's top freestylers.

Lamorne Morris: "I'm one of the greatest in the world, though I don't like to talk about it."

The duo highlights the spontaneity and sharpness required for successful improvisation, drawing parallels between stand-up and acting in terms of timing and audience engagement.

Pete Holmes: "Like, you don't know how to say the word. Say it kind of funny. That's been my coping strategy."

3. Personal Experiences and Anecdotes

[40:00 – 60:00]

Lamorne shares a humorous yet insightful story about attempting to connect with Vin Diesel on social media to advocate for a Bloodshot sequel. His playful outreach results in Vin’s production company, One Race Pictures, sending him a modest yet meaningful gift—a phone charger.

Lamorne Morris: "And I was sent a gift in the first of all... And I was like, what?"

This anecdote underscores the enigmatic nature of celebrity interactions and the unexpected outcomes of such endeavors. Pete and Lamorne also reminisce about working with other notable actors like Nick Cage and Johnny Ham, illustrating the varied dynamics within the acting community.

Pete Holmes: "He did what now? Yeah, he took the microphone... Sucked a ding dong."

Their conversation offers a behind-the-scenes glimpse into the collaborative and often unpredictable environment of film sets, highlighting the balance between technical precision and creative flair.

4. Religion and Spirituality

[60:00 – 90:00]

A profound segment of the episode delves into personal beliefs and spirituality. Lamorne opens up about his non-traditional Christian faith, emphasizing a personal, intimate relationship with God that transcends formal rituals and organized practices.

Lamorne Morris: "I communicate with God all the time... I don't practice the ritualistic things on a daily basis."

Pete relates to Lamorne’s journey, sharing his own experiences of faith forged through personal trials, such as a difficult divorce. They discuss the evolution of faith in contemporary society, advocating for a faith that sustains through uncertainties rather than adhering strictly to traditional structures.

Pete Holmes: "I believe in a God who protects me from nothing, but sustains me in everything."

The conversation touches upon reincarnation and telepathy, exploring how these concepts intersect with their understanding of spirituality and personal growth.

Lamorne Morris: "I think we die and we don't know we died and we come back as something else."

5. Personal Stories and Humor

[90:00 – 120:00]

Returning to their signature humor, Pete and Lamorne share personal stories that blend wit with vulnerability. Lamorne reminisces about mocking a meticulously dressed preacher during his church days, offering comedic relief while touching upon deeper themes of authenticity and self-expression.

Lamorne Morris: "I would be in tears, laughing... what's taking him so long to say the scripture?"

They also discuss the challenges of balancing personal life with fame, delving into family anecdotes and the humorous side of parenting. The dialogue seamlessly weaves between hilarious moments and thoughtful reflections, maintaining an engaging and relatable tone throughout.

Pete Holmes: "I poorly premeditated what I think might make a group of strangers laugh."

6. Conclusion and Final Thoughts

[120:00 – End]

As the episode draws to a close, Pete and Lamorne reflect on the interconnectedness of their experiences, reaffirming their dedication to making others laugh and fostering genuine connections. The conversation leaves listeners with a sense of camaraderie and mutual respect, underscored by themes of faith, creativity, and personal evolution.

Lamorne Morris: "That's my goal in life, to have them my wife."
Pete Holmes: "That's great. That's great. Beautiful base."

Their concluding remarks emphasize the importance of staying true to oneself and embracing the journey of personal growth, resonating with listeners seeking both laughter and meaningful insights.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Comedy Confidence:

  Pete Holmes [04:16]: "grotesque confidence, which is really funny."

• Importance of Saying Something:

  Pete Holmes [05:08]: "If I had one critique of most comedy, specifically standup, I'd be like, say something. I don't mean political or life changing, but say fucking something."

• Personal Relationship with God:

  Lamorne Morris [99:38]: "I communicate with God all the time... I don't practice the ritualistic things on a daily basis."

• Reincarnation Beliefs:

  Lamorne Morris [112:17]: "I think we die and we don't know we died and we come back as something else and we don't know of our past life."

• Balancing Fame and Family:

  Pete Holmes [74:09]: "You're her dad."

• Authenticity in Relationships:

  Lamorne Morris [103:44]: "I have the most fun doing it. And I think that comes from the church."

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This episode of "You Made It Weird" masterfully blends humor with introspection, offering listeners a comprehensive look into the personal and professional lives of Lamorne Morris and Pete Holmes. From acting intricacies to spiritual musings, the conversation provides both entertainment and enlightenment, making it a must-listen for fans seeking depth and laughter.

Transcript

[Pete Holmes]

You made it with. You made it with.

[Lamorne Morris]

You made it with. Oh, yeah. You made it with. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[Pete Holmes]

What's happening, weirdos? This is Lamorne. Lamorne Morris. I bumped the mic. Lamorne Morris. You know him, you love him. He was on Fargo, the newest season of Fargo, and was incredible and won an Emmy for that. Holy smokes. I'm not sure if this is our first Emmy. It can't be. But it's the first one in a long time. What a thrill. Also, he was in Game Night. New Girl. He's awesome. He also has his own podcast, which is also awesome. It's called Le Morning after, and you should check that out, whomever you get your podcasts. And I'm so glad you guys are here. This is an awesome episode. It's a fun. It's a fun chat, and I don't have much to say up top other than petehomes.com for all of my tour dates. If you're listening to this the day it comes out, I'm at Largo tonight, December 11th here in Los Angeles. After that, on December 19th, I'll be in Seattle. Then we have the next Largo's. January 17th, Salt Lake City. I'll be there in January, February, Phoenix, and then April, I'll be in Austin. So all of Those are on PeteHomes.com. hope you can be there. And we do the Largo show in Los Angeles every month. Even if I'm not listing that date, you can go to largo-la.com always fun. This week we have. This month we have Nikki Glazer, Lara Bytes, and some music. It's going to be great every time. It's a great lineup. And I'm also there as well, so. All right, everybody. Enjoy Le Morne. Get into it, dude. I know. No, they were driving, too.

[Lamorne Morris]

What the fuck?

[Pete Holmes]

Anyone you've seen on this podcast that's like, can I have a beer? That's actually not true. Sam J. We had a couple beers. She wasn't driving.

[Lamorne Morris]

Okay, good.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

That would be really.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Shitty.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no, no.

[Lamorne Morris]

That'd be really horrible of these people.

[Pete Holmes]

I agree. Don't go. Don't go chasing waterfalls. It's something I felt compelled to say, but also, don't go doing a Timberlake.

[Lamorne Morris]

Ooh. He was. He was doing a lot of stuff, wasn't he?

[Pete Holmes]

Was he.

[Lamorne Morris]

He had, like. There was some. He had this. He had weird, like, ancient shit in his system, apparently.

[Pete Holmes]

What was he doing? I don't. I don't Really, I. I don't want to drag him. Everyone loves jt.

[Lamorne Morris]

I love J. He's having a good time. He's having.

[Pete Holmes]

He's out there with the ancient roots in the parks now. We're starting a new rumor.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell me what he. What do you know?

[Lamorne Morris]

He was on the.

[Pete Holmes]

He was a gossip podcast.

[Lamorne Morris]

He was on the old Oriental dust. He was.

[Pete Holmes]

He was on opium.

[Lamorne Morris]

No, I just made that up. But he. Possibly. I just. This is just coming from my. My very terrible memory. I have a great memory, but I do think it was, like, good self love there. Yeah, thanks. One of the best.

[Pete Holmes]

I loved it.

[Lamorne Morris]

It's one of the best memories.

[Pete Holmes]

Beautiful memories that gives people ptsd. Yeah. I tried doing Trump on stage since the win, and people literally, like, make a sad sound in some cities.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. My sister does it all the time. Because now when I speak, I just do like this as a bit to her.

[Pete Holmes]

Me too.

[Lamorne Morris]

She's just like, stop.

[Pete Holmes]

It's so fun. Look, all reality aside, yes, it is funny to just kind of. It is just kind of.

[Lamorne Morris]

Listen, it makes me laugh.

[Pete Holmes]

Dude, what happens is you've lit me up. What happens is sometimes I'm on stage doing stand up, and I just end up talking like Trump by accident because it's a funny way to talk.

[Lamorne Morris]

I also think what it is is that he's so polarizing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Whoever's, like, getting the zeitgeist. Whoever's.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, it's true. If we had a president that talked like Elvis.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We'd all be doing Elvis. Like, it's. It's in your consciousness.

[Lamorne Morris]

It just happens to be. And he happens to be funny. So it's one of those things.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, what it is, is, like, this isn't. Who cares? I was gonna say it's grotesque confidence, which is really funny. That doesn't mean gross confidence. Yeah, I know. You know that. But, like, it means, like, absurd confidence, which is funny. Charlie Chaplin's tramp is absurdly confident. He's a homeless. He's an unhoused Hitler mustached man.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And he's going to fancy dinner parties and shit. Like, that's absurd, grotesquely confident. So when I'm on stage and I'm doing a joke and it's not quite working, a little sprinkle of, like. If I had one critique of most comedy, specifically standup, I'd be like, say something. I don't mean political or life changing, but say fucking something. Like, I have a joke right now where I go, can Starbucks stop pretending that pumpkin Spice lattes are seasonal. At least we're talking about something. At least I'm mad and. But that would be like. They're not seasonal, you know, they're not seasonal. They have them year round, you know, like that would be like a, like that's his thing is to, is to at least like provoke or fucking go and too much comedy. And I mean at all levels. I mean like established comedians do these kind of like, like a silent fart kind of joke that's like nothing, neither here nor there.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you'll never say what you want about old Donny Boy, but he's, he's not, he's not limping around.

[Lamorne Morris]

No, no, no, he's very aggressive.

[Pete Holmes]

Very aggressive and. Yeah, very aggressive.

[Lamorne Morris]

Even when he sucked at mike stick.

[Pete Holmes]

He did what now?

[Lamorne Morris]

He sucked the mic from like it was a penis.

[Pete Holmes]

He did what now?

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, he took the microphone, two handed it.

[Pete Holmes]

He did not.

[Lamorne Morris]

He did that microphone and it's really.

[Pete Holmes]

Sucked a ding dong. Yes, like a microphone. Ding dong. But he knew what he was doing. He was like, this is like what I'm doing.

[Lamorne Morris]

Here's what he was doing. Here's what he was doing. He was.

[Pete Holmes]

I get my news from my guests, by the way.

[Lamorne Morris]

Well, here's the thing. He, he was, he was. I saw a clip where they were like, what is this guy doing? He's at a rally, he's sucking off the, the mic stand. And I was like, I laughed at it. And I went, there's gotta be more to the story. There's gotta be more context to it. Because usually that's how the media works. When you're trying to smear one side, you use the part that will get them. You know, no matter what side of the coin you stand on, it's. That's the name of the game. Let's make you look bad so we win.

[Pete Holmes]

Right, Right, right.

[Lamorne Morris]

And so I looked at it just to see what the full clip was. And yeah, that's what he did. Like I watched front to back.

[Pete Holmes]

And you know what? There's no two ways to slice that.

[Lamorne Morris]

One, you know, but his reasoning behind it, in my opinion, it was like, I see what he's trying to say, but you still did the action.

[Pete Holmes]

He was making fun of someone else.

[Lamorne Morris]

He was making fun of how low the mic was. And like, they want me to do this. They want me to. He's like, it's so low and I need a good mic. And he was like shitting on the sound guy. And he was like, yeah, he was like, they're the worst.

[Pete Holmes]

They're the worst.

[Lamorne Morris]

They're stupid. They're so dumb.

[Pete Holmes]

So dumb. These are the worst sound guys. Look at that guy back then.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He doesn't even have headphones on. He doesn't even know what I'm saying.

[Lamorne Morris]

He doesn't even have ears. That guy's deaf. So dumb.

[Pete Holmes]

And deaf voice goes viral. People would forgive it immediately. Yes.

[Lamorne Morris]

Then he leans over and he just grabs the mic and he goes, I had to do it. I had to do it. I had to do it.

[Pete Holmes]

If I see something that low and.

[Lamorne Morris]

Hard, I got to put my mouth around it. It's got to be, I got the best mouth. No one has a better mouth than me.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm going to say I had to do it is what we're talking about. That's the comedy standpoint. It's like I had to. I had to do it. Go ahead, please. I'll say something long winded while you're having.

[Lamorne Morris]

No, I'm just, I just.

[Pete Holmes]

You came in saying you were thirsty.

[Lamorne Morris]

I know, but then you were going and I know.

[Pete Holmes]

And now we're off and I can talk about what a great coat. Burberry.

[Lamorne Morris]

This old thing?

[Pete Holmes]

It's a guess, just a guess. Sandro, can we talk about. I don't know what that means.

[Lamorne Morris]

Sandro, it's the name of the brand.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I know, but I don't know what that means. Am I like, ooh, Sandro, you should be. Oh, Sandro Bullock, over here. There she is. Well, that might. That camera is very low. Don't go sucking. Don't do it.

[Lamorne Morris]

I gotta do it. I gotta do it.

[Pete Holmes]

Gotta do it. I know. Everyone listening. I'm going to apologize. I'm sorry. I diffuse everything in my life by making fun of it. And if I stop doing that voice, which I understand might be inciting to people, that's like the terrorists of one sort of moment. We need to keep shopping. We need to have the biggest Christmas ever, that sort of thing. So that's my rationale there.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. I just think it's funny, that's all. That's the only reason why I do it.

[Pete Holmes]

Can I ask you as a well dressed man?

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

I just today went to apec. Apc.

[Lamorne Morris]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Which stands for something in French, Apache. Is that what it means?

[Lamorne Morris]

No, I just made that up.

[Pete Holmes]

I like that.

[Lamorne Morris]

But you did a very native French.

[Pete Holmes]

It's very tempting to do Trump. I really want to do it. The whole episode. I'm going to want to do it.

[Lamorne Morris]

I feel like Every time you're going to pronounce something incorrectly or. Or over enunciate certain parts, you have to do it in Trump's voice as well. China.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

You have to say it. You have to say lion. Kamala. You have to.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Whenever you're gonna, like, intentionally mispronounce something.

[Pete Holmes]

But that's. That's the grotesque. Confidence. And you can. And that's what comedy is, is getting over a lot of humps.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like you don't know how to say the word. Say it kind of funny.

[Lamorne Morris]

Exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

That's been my coping strategy. My coping strategy this whole time. Anyway, so I go into APC, but here's what, dude. First of all, I'm 6 foot 6, so a lot of times I go into these stores and they don't have anything for me. So there's like a certain amount of shame. But I was in the car, and I'm gonna put this back to you. I'm in the car and I went to their website. Cause I haven't got an apc. It's for those that don't know. I wouldn't have known. It's like a fancy clothing store. And I went on their website just to see if I was like, what if they don't even have a men's section? But let me tell you, and this is what I want you to speak to. The amount of shame. I was so prepared to go in and be embarrassed. It's just a store, but I'm like, I'm gonna look in the wrong section. I'm gonna get the wrong thing. They're not gonna have my size. Everything I put on is gonna look ridiculous. Do you have any of that anxiety going in? You don't look like you do.

[Lamorne Morris]

Well, hold on. First of all, it's a nice store. It's not. It's not Met Gala shit. I understand you're gonna walk in there.

[Pete Holmes]

Nothing was inflatable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just a can of paint and shoes.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, I know. You're like, how do I put this on? How do I use the three seashells?

[Pete Holmes]

Actually, surprisingly, all three go on your left breast. And the rest we all enjoy. This is the new Met Gala, 100%. But you, you're comfortable.

[Lamorne Morris]

I am.

[Pete Holmes]

As a.

[Lamorne Morris]

Here's the thing.

[Pete Holmes]

As a well dressed. I was even going to say fly.

[Lamorne Morris]

Well, you know what's interesting about fashion nowadays is that it. It's just confidence. It's some. Some fashion that I've seen, in my opinion. I go, oh, you look awful.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

But they are walking up with the chest high, they're smiling and people are taking the photos. And I go, oh, I guess that must be.

[Pete Holmes]

We love confidence.

[Lamorne Morris]

You gotta be confident.

[Pete Holmes]

Bjork in the Swan. I immediately go to Bjork and the Swan. Anyone else in the Swan?

[Lamorne Morris]

Wasn't someone wearing meat?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Was that Lady Gaga? Lady Gaga, Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Lady Gaga.

[Pete Holmes]

Lady Gaga. We're just gonna have to put a warning on this episode. Look, guys, if you're still feeling it, don't listen.

[Lamorne Morris]

So I think it's a confidence thing. No, when I go, like when I walk into a store, I'm like a hoodie person in a baseball hat. Like, kind of person. Yeah. Everything else is some stuff that I don't thank you for saying.

[Pete Holmes]

I, I mean, I, I, you had me at tasteful's Very soft, clean jacket. No, it's not pilling.

[Lamorne Morris]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean? It looks like you take care of that jacket.

[Lamorne Morris]

Beat up, peeling jacket.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. But you, yeah, it's not that.

[Lamorne Morris]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not. It's just clean. Thank you. It's ready to go.

[Lamorne Morris]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

And when I saw you, well, let me put this to you. Nick Kroll said to me, but this is 20 years ago. I don't know if he still feels this way because I was very curious about his fashion too. And he goes, in my experience, the least confident person is the best dressed because they're trying to like, oh, yeah, yeah. Stop you at the door. Don't go sniffing around my personality.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, part of it. Part of it. Well, I wouldn't even say nicest dressed. I would say the person who looks like they put the most thought and attention.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Because there are some people who, There are some people who are too well put together. It's like, oh, your hat matches your belt, which matches your shoes and the ring on your finger and the color of your diamonds and your. That's like, oh, you did too much.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Lamorne Morris]

Like, who'd you murder? You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

Like, matches your glove, matches the knife. Yeah, I know what you mean. Why are we that way, though? We want people to look good and that requires effort. But too much effort. Now you're corny.

[Lamorne Morris]

Now you're corny. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's weird though. It is a fine line.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. Because I think part of it is that we're lazy too. And then when you look at somebody who's dressed nice, you go, fuck you, man. I could have did that shit. I do that.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what it is. It's similar to the paintings that you feel like you could do. Like this isn't a good painting. You just had a studio where you threw. Painted a canvas.

[Lamorne Morris]

I could do that.

[Pete Holmes]

And we hate. I could do that.

[Lamorne Morris]

Because we didn't do it.

[Pete Holmes]

And because we didn't do it.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I sometimes feel like I can't believe people get let standups get away with it. Considering that I spend a year premeditating what I think might make a group of strangers laugh. And then you look cool. You're a dork. That's how I feel about Guns N Roses. And every band that's trying to look like they don't give a shit. I could pick a more modern band like mgmt. They're just like. We just roll out of bed. Shut the fuck up. You learned your scales.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

You practiced. You polished.

[Lamorne Morris]

That took decades. It took practice.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. You're. We're nerds. And nerd isn't even a bad thing. I just mean, like, I think about this all the time. But I'm gonna put it to you. Like, take a really good rapper, a really good freestyler. They sucked the first time.

[Lamorne Morris]

Me?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you. Are you a good freestyler?

[Lamorne Morris]

I'm one of the greatest in the world, though I don't like to talk about it.

[Pete Holmes]

One of the greatest in the world.

[Lamorne Morris]

As far as the world goes. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The whole planet.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, Worldwide.

[Pete Holmes]

Your talent spans it.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. Like, I've been around to a lot of cities doing all your ditties. No ditty, but yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Not Pee Diddy.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. Nope. Not Pee Diddy.

[Pete Holmes]

No Baby oil.

[Lamorne Morris]

Lots of baby oil.

[Pete Holmes]

Look, P. Diddy didn't take baby oil. You can still enjoy baby oil.

[Lamorne Morris]

That's still nice.

[Pete Holmes]

Tiki torches are done. Baby oil is still fair. Babies are dry. Babies are dry.

[Lamorne Morris]

They are. Yes, it's true. They need the oil.

[Pete Holmes]

Slip it around.

[Lamorne Morris]

We need thousands of bottles of it.

[Pete Holmes]

Thousands.

[Lamorne Morris]

It's a lot of babies.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my go. God. Okay. What were you saying?

[Lamorne Morris]

I. I forgot.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, freestyling.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, I'm not. I'm not. I'm just. I was just.

[Pete Holmes]

I loved it. I actually saw you freestyling on Rick Glassman.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, I thought it was great. I get weird.

[Pete Holmes]

We're not going to freestyle.

[Lamorne Morris]

I appreciate. I had a beat that I was about to do. You have one?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I was about do it.

[Lamorne Morris]

I'm just putting my phone on. Lamor and Morris put my phone on. Und do not disturb alert the chorus. Whoa, whoa.

[Pete Holmes]

Equipped. I'm not gonna Equipped. Horny.

[Lamorne Morris]

I do it Headband like your horus Horace, like Grant.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah. I thought you meant the Egyptian sun God.

[Lamorne Morris]

Nah, nah. He didn't have a lot of equipment. Ra. Yes, Amon. Ra.

[Pete Holmes]

On your SNL audition, you tried Obama.

[Lamorne Morris]

I did.

[Pete Holmes]

I only interview you in terrible freestyle. I actually watch because my YouTube knows I like freestyle videos. I do. It. Showed me one and I love Eminem. But it was bad.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It was almost like. This is my point is, like, no one's perfect all the time. You do an amazing Denzel. I'm not priming you to do it. I just mean, like, even Denzel does some shit and you're like, that was so stupid.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Every day.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We just don't see it. Of course, this goes back to what I was saying. I think about what makes people laugh. Denzel. They only keep the parts in.

[Lamorne Morris]

That's good.

[Pete Holmes]

Where he was good.

[Lamorne Morris]

Like, can you imagine the outtakes from training Day? That didn't make it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Lamorne Morris]

I'm Mothra, bitch.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm the.

[Lamorne Morris]

I'm the metal Godzilla director.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, just brawling. He'll get it. He'll get it.

[Lamorne Morris]

Motherfucking Dracula, bitch.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, you know.

[Lamorne Morris]

What are you going to do?

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Lamorne Morris]

Sferratu, motherfucker.

[Pete Holmes]

That's like. And then they cut it out and they make you Look Amazing. Amazing.

[Lamorne Morris]

100% Amazing.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a ruse.

[Lamorne Morris]

That's why I always fuck the editors.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you got it.

[Lamorne Morris]

You gotta.

[Pete Holmes]

You gotta sleep with them.

[Lamorne Morris]

You gotta sleep with the editors.

[Pete Holmes]

You gotta take them out.

[Lamorne Morris]

People talk about sleeping with directors and cast the editors.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no. Go right to the source. That's actually true. If I meet an editor on a movie, that's the first person I go up and I'm like, thank you.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because they did it.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

They really did do it. They did it and they cut out. And I've been in things where I've watched another actor struggling and the editor fucking makes them look better. In fact, have you noticed the phenomenon that often the person in Project who's worst on set is best on the show?

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Have you noticed this?

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, absolutely.

[Pete Holmes]

Because they're like wild card.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And they give you so many weird things. They can't remember their lines. They're not on their mark.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

They change the scene, but not in a good way. Like, they fucked it up a lot of people. Because on Crashing, a lot of the people were comedians, they weren't actors. But they cut together beautifully. Because they were nuts.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yes. Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You've noticed that?

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, I notice it all the time, you know, And I wouldn't even say that they're bad. Like. Like they're acting poorly. They're just wild cards.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's right.

[Lamorne Morris]

And they. And it's like, you don't know, because I improvise a lot. But there are others who improvise. Like Jake Johnson, for example.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Improvises with the best of them. And there are times where you have to keep up. So him, if you're back in the new girl days. If it's him, Damon, Max, myself in a scene, you're like, I. I may as well not even read the script because Jake is going to say something that's so far left. Max is going to mispronounce words. Damon's going to pull his butt out. Like, there's got to be something so irreverent.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

That you have to just follow it and go with it. And then when you watch the show back, the editors, the. I think Steve Welch. Steve Welch was our editor. He will piece it together. And obviously, with the help of directors in such a beautiful way where you're like, man, it's like this. It's like a great art to have to be able to pull what is.

[Pete Holmes]

Seen and what isn't. It's like sculpting. Right. You remove everything that isn't David. But they're like. When you're looking at the raw footage, so many of us would just be like, well, that whole thing was funny. But he's like, no, just a little. It's like a song.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

One. Because bullshit. And I mean good bullshit. Like Jake saying some bullshit has a sound to it. You can kind of tell he's trying to make you laugh. That can't be the whole thing. Right. Then it becomes masturbatory. But if you. If you season the scene with these little moments, but then keep the dialogue intact. Now you're cooking.

[Lamorne Morris]

Now you're cooking. And it takes a great editor, especially an editor who has a great relationship with the director.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Because they're all. They're helping you sculpt it. And if it's done beautifully. You're right.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

The most. The biggest lunatic on set will come off looking.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Fantastic.

[Pete Holmes]

And the one time they say it or they save it in ADR or something. And that kind of. It has. In the past. I've had to make peace with it. And there were just people on Crashing that, like, you built the performance in the editing and that would. It would make me resent them because I'm like, they didn't do it. And then we made it look like you did it. But then I was like, who fucking cares? There's so many people, you know what I mean? Like, that's their special thing. Not everybody needs to, like, do it properly on the day. Is that the most electric thing? Not always.

[Lamorne Morris]

I'll tell you, I worked with. I've worked with some pretty big actors who you're watching in real time, and they have this iconic library of films. And when you're watching them, it ain't. It ain't what? It ain't as beautiful as you thought.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

And it saw how the sausage was made. Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And you're like, oh. But then you watch the movie and you go, well, that's a movie star.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Because I don't know how you can.

[Pete Holmes]

Say who it was. Go ahead.

[Lamorne Morris]

Well, here's one. Here's one thing that is a guy who I admire so much and I think he's. He's mastered the art of the filmmaking business and is a classically trained dope actor. Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel, you know, has these, you know, big, big blockbuster hits, like hit after hit after hit after hit. And when I was, I did a movie called Bloodshot with him. And there are some scenes that calls for a back and forth. And because he's an actor. Actor, he's actually like doing the scene. And then there are moments where he's also thinking as a businessman where there'll be a scene where he'll do a moment, he'll have a moment and then he'll stop and reset himself and do like a movement and then just give like a look over his shoulder and then just say like, I don't know what the fuck he was doing.

[Pete Holmes]

He's in the edit bay.

[Lamorne Morris]

He's in the edit bay.

[Pete Holmes]

He's thinking ahead, he's thinking of the trailer. He's playing five dimensional chess.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, I'll tell you one time in particular, I had a line to him and then. And I'd done the scene like maybe, maybe like two or three times, different coverages. And then he goes, all right, let's go again. But this time when you say it, the second part of that line, just slow down. Just. Just really slow. It's not going to feel natural. Just go really slow. And I say it to him and he goes, that's the trailer. And I was like, huh, Vinny, it is such a. It is. It's not theater. You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, when you watch an action movie or drama, like I'm watching, I'm like, on Set that had to be so weird.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Where it's what we're talking about. You're about to jump out of the plane, and you look over your shoulder and go, I make this look incredible.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And that makes sense when there's music and score and the camera's pushing in. But on the day, you're just some fucking dumbass.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And that, to me, seems to be, like, the job.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

In fact, sorry, this is selfish. I use wonderful actors such as yourself as my own. Like, you can hear what I'm working on as an actor based on what I ask about. And, like, one of the things that has really come into my. The forefront of my acting considerations is, like, get over how you're being perceived. Like, your job is to embarrass yourself, and your job is to not. I've said this a million, but I'm saying it to you. It used to be my number one consideration was be most well liked.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yep.

[Pete Holmes]

Second was be funniest. No. No matter what the part was, be the funniest and the quickest. That goes in. Number two, like, show everyone how fucking shiny you are. So be the best, most liked and be the quickest. Funniest. Number three is do the scene. It's like, serve the movie. And now I'm seeing why you flipped that. But you're doing something like Fargo. And now you're doing, like, real stuff. Like, you have to give a look to that dude that says, I'm gonna. I'll kill you. Try me. That had to feel kind of stupid.

[Lamorne Morris]

Well, 100% right.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't mean you didn't feel like. You felt like it was stupid, but, you know, these guys just took lunch. Now there's a camera guy, and you look like you're gonna kill somebody. Everyone knows the gun's f. This guy's an actor. You're friends in real life.

[Lamorne Morris]

You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

He's a sweet guy. And how much of the job. And I'm going to shut up because I really do want to hear your answer is how much of the job of acting is getting over that. Like, not thinking in the small, but thinking that's the trailer or that's the movie.

[Lamorne Morris]

It's a big part of that. Because I did learn that from Vin working on that movie.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

That there. There are other parts. You don't get paid to make a movie. You pay to sell it. So there are other parts where you want to make sure it looks a certain way for the consumer.

[Pete Holmes]

That's very Schwarzenegger Too. Yeah, he was like big into the, like how to market it, how to advertise and just shoot it in that way. Yeah, keep going.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, 100%. And I, and I think that's necessary in order to keep working because we all want to be in control of our careers. We want to be the marquee name so we can pick and choose what we do and how long we want to do it for. But the, you know, I look at theater, for example. Theater is acting at its purest form. For actors who want to get started in the business, for actors who just love it, who are just so passionate. That's why you see folks like Denzel still doing theater continuously. You know, being on that stage to get that. It's like doing stand up. It's like that audience, what the audience gives you.

[Pete Holmes]

There's nothing better.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You can't fake it. I think once Denzel or anybody got a taste.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

What are you gonna. You can you get a different rush on a movie or even on a set, a TV set?

[Lamorne Morris]

100%. I've only done stand up a few times in my life. I am obsessed with it. And I've only been on stage. Like, I've only done maybe like 5 shows, but I go, it's the greatest thing. I go, I see why people don't stop.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

It's like you get laughs and you're like, I have a 10 inch dick.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you 10 inch.

[Lamorne Morris]

It's a massive one. I'm scaring people with it. Like, It's. It's back 10 inch.

[Pete Holmes]

But that's, that's. You're absolutely right. There's nothing quite like it.

[Lamorne Morris]

And your response to when I said that was almost like, well, that's small.

[Pete Holmes]

You mean your dick shrunk a little bit?

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. No, no. Be you like, do you have a foot long penis?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's what I'm saying. I was, I was going with it. Like, I was like, oh, you mean a 10 inch dick. Like, you get a little scared and your dick kind of retreats a little bit.

[Lamorne Morris]

God damn it.

[Pete Holmes]

10 inches. Me post cold pool?

[Lamorne Morris]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I. Yes. Well, they're also your laughs. Yeah, there's something about. I like doing other people's material. That's actually my favorite thing. I don't know if you've ever. My favorite thing that I think about. I'm like, what I really want is I want someone else writing something incredible that I can then elevate. Like, I can add to it everything. So much of what I've Done is me writing it. And that's a different thrill. Standup is amazing because they're your laughs, but I like doing other people's stuff. But then when you go and do standup and it's all yours, but also the failure is all yours too.

[Lamorne Morris]

The failure is all yours. There's no one to blame but you.

[Pete Holmes]

No one to blame.

[Lamorne Morris]

Can't blame the sound guy.

[Pete Holmes]

You can blame.

[Lamorne Morris]

Man, the mics were up this evening. What's wrong with you?

[Pete Holmes]

Terrible sound guy.

[Lamorne Morris]

Terrible sound guy. Same sound guy, but.

[Pete Holmes]

So you are upset with standup even though you've only done it a couple times. Yeah, because of that rush.

[Lamorne Morris]

Because of that rush.

[Pete Holmes]

And those were my words. It's your laughs. What was it for you? The immediacy? What was it?

[Lamorne Morris]

It was knowing that I worked on writing this joke, and when I got on stage, people were like, that's hilarious.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's good.

[Lamorne Morris]

And you go, holy shit. And then it's. And then when the show's done, there's this immediate like, well, I need that again.

[Pete Holmes]

That's why there was, like, a big cocaine problem. I'm not trying to be funny. It's like people are trying to chase your body. Just made cocaine. Yeah, you made it. And now you're like, I need something that feels like that. Yeah, for me, it was never that. It was always like, I'll go eat a cupcake or something. Like, that's still a struggle. Like, you're just dopamine. You know when you, like, scroll on Instagram and then you notice you're hungry or you're horny, Your brain is just going more fielding Instagram during that point.

[Lamorne Morris]

I'm scrolling something else.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, tender.

[Lamorne Morris]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

Scroll up on the OkCupid. I know the apps. I'm out there. Okay. Keep cheating on my wife. Don't worry about it. Raya. Is it Raya?

[Lamorne Morris]

It's Raya.

[Pete Holmes]

I pretend I don't know.

[Lamorne Morris]

I've seen you on Ryan Big Daddy Holmes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's awkward. Yeah, it's awkward when you're cheating on your spouse and, like, you. You're kind of a known person, and people see you and they go, aren't you, like, known to be a married person? You're like, yeah, that's just fake. Yeah, that's marketing. Yeah, marketing.

[Lamorne Morris]

Got to stay married for the. For the fans.

[Pete Holmes]

For the fans. Ring don't mean a thing.

[Lamorne Morris]

But no, what I mean is. What I mean by the, you know, going back to the film elements is that when you're on set, you're taking some of that, the purest form of acting with you, obviously.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Lamorne Morris]

But there's another element to it now. Now the element is. It's creating. It's putting a puzzle together.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Lamorne Morris]

There's this 95 page script. We have to shoot a bunch of stuff, put it together and see what works. Some of it might not work. So we're gonna try different takes and different versions of it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yep.

[Lamorne Morris]

Theater, you don't have that luxury. So when I see someone like Vin, who will stop and start a scene every once in a while just to make sure he's sculpting it for marketing purposes, I applaud that because I go, he's looking at the aft. He's looking at the. He's looking at post in real time.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. Well, then, Fast and Furious. That's not an accident. Like, I think people look down on it. Maybe I've even looked down on it. I think there's a difference between Mission Impossible and Fast and Furious. That's all I'll say. Yeah, there's. And they know. It's like a different thing. They're going a different way. The stunts are a little bit more outrageous. Yeah, they know. But it's not a mistake. Nobody's making 12 movies.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yes. That's a lot by accident. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So Vinny D. Would stop a scene and just kind of go, what?

[Lamorne Morris]

He will stop it. I give you a moment. There is one scene where him and I are having this conversation inside of a camper, the end of the movie, and he just. The line is, thank you, Wiggins. And then he leaves. Now, in his brain, he's probably going, does that line work? I don't know. Does it look cooler over my left shoulder than over my right shoulder? I don't know. So he'll stop and start and give the editor five, six, seven options.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Lamorne Morris]

In that one moment while I'm just sitting there like this. And he'll just stop and go, thanks. Thank you, Wiggins. Wiggins, my man. And he'll just like, try these different versions.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm dead.

[Lamorne Morris]

And initially I was like, what's he doing? But then, but then I thought, I mean, he's. He is. He is brilliant like he is.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And then I do his credit. I. Then I Then look at that when I'm filming now.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

I'll go back sometimes to a director and go, can I try it one more way? And I'll try. I'll do. I'll do the scene. I'll play the scene and I'll look At subtext. And all these different things of how I. How I feel I could be, but as long as it looks natural and real and all those things. And then, and then I'll go back and I'll go, but commercially, what looks cooler? And then I'll stop and I'll say, let me try. Let me try one more thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And then I'll come back and I'll do a cooler take. And sometimes it gets used, sometimes it doesn't.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, if you're making a mosaic, why not just make as many tiles as you can? There are other types of filmmakers. Like, I'm thinking, like Clint Eastwood does, like two takes and just keep moving.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a different style. It gives you a different kind of movie. But when you are in the edit, you know, it reminds me of Adam McKay and it reminds me of Judd Apatow. The guys that are yelling out alts.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because these guys are going, we don't know. I'll tell you one of the things Judd told me, actually. He's like, what they would do. And you see it. Yeah, you see it in everything. I just saw Moana too. They do it in Moana too.

[Lamorne Morris]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

It's the biggest laugh in the movie. Excuse me. It was the Grinch. I have a six year old. I watch.

[Lamorne Morris]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

It was the Grinch. The biggest laugh in that movie is there's a reindeer and it's a little reindeer and it screams. It doesn't. It doesn't make a regular reindeer sound. It goes. It's a really funny scream. Movie ends, it's panning out. There he is. He screams. And we cut to black, it's done. So Judd told me they would. They'd screen the movie, whatever the biggest laugh was, they'd do reshoots and call it back in the end. Now that, I mean, we've already. You probably already knew that, but it's like, watch any movie, any comedy, that's what they're doing. It's crazy. And you're like, how did they know? They didn't know. Yeah, they Vin Diesel that they're just shooting a bunch of shit and then putting it together. But Vin's trying to do it without the reshoot fee, probably. My man Wiggins, he's smart.

[Lamorne Morris]

That man is smart. I'm telling you.

[Pete Holmes]

Bring this in under budget.

[Lamorne Morris]

Under budget.

[Pete Holmes]

Under budget.

[Lamorne Morris]

That looks leftover. Goes to me. Which is what I mean when I say, like, I don't look at. I don't look at actors like that. As, as, as crazy. Now I go, no, you're just smart. Like, you're just, you just understand the business in a way that I didn't understand before.

[Pete Holmes]

I worked with someone who worked with Keanu Reeves. Welcome to the Thunderdome. I got that second hand. It wasn't me, but they were doing a scene with Keanu Reeves, and he did it, then he did it again, and then he stopped and went, wait. And then he, like, reset himself and he went. And it was some dumb line. It was probably on this podcast, the Story. He went, like what? I don't know, like just a normal line. And then he did it that way and he went, that's the one. He was also in the edit. And thinking ahead, he was Vinnie ding it. Did you ever go to Vin's house? I'm pretty obsessed with Vin Diesel. I'm realizing as I'm chatting with you.

[Lamorne Morris]

Gone to his house. I don't know if Vin likes me.

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Lamorne Morris]

I love him.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

I don't. Here's the thing. I, I, I don't. I, I think he likes me. I just don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

Does he love me?

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. Vin, I know you like me. Do you love me? No. And here's why.

[Pete Holmes]

And this is, this is, Here's a couple. Do you have his number? No, that's.

[Lamorne Morris]

That was what I was about to say. Doesn't follow me on social media.

[Pete Holmes]

That's not him.

[Lamorne Morris]

Don't have his number.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm going to, I'm going to dismiss the first one. There's him. There's no. It is.

[Lamorne Morris]

He posted of. I was saw one day. We were at adr. He was sitting down, we were talking, and he takes a video and he starts talking about the movie with me. Oh, you're gonna love this kid in the movie, blah, blah, blah. And he posted it on his Instagram, so I'm not sure how often.

[Pete Holmes]

And he's flagging you, but it's not coming up because he doesn't follow you.

[Lamorne Morris]

And he's like, that might be true. I think.

[Pete Holmes]

What if he doesn't know your name? Like, what if it's been this whole time and it's too late? He's only called you Wiggins? And now he's like, I can't ask this guy his name.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. You know, because he always calls me Chi Town.

[Pete Holmes]

There you go.

[Lamorne Morris]

He probably doesn't know my name.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, I think we cracked it. Vin Diesel does like you. He just isn't sure what your name is. Yes.

[Lamorne Morris]

And I could, you know, I'm okay with that. I'm ok.

[Pete Holmes]

He could have read the credits. He puts on his readers during the credits.

[Lamorne Morris]

He goes, ah, Vin doesn't stick around for the credits. He leaves. No.

[Pete Holmes]

So you don't know if he, like, no text, no social?

[Lamorne Morris]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Never got his number?

[Lamorne Morris]

No. And here's what I adhere is, you.

[Pete Holmes]

Know, he looks like he would always talk on a sat phone. Vin Diesel looks like he shouldn't just be on an iPhone. Vin Diesel, you should have a satellite phone.

[Lamorne Morris]

He doesn't need any interruptions. No, he needs to.

[Pete Holmes]

I always have service.

[Lamorne Morris]

Whatever I'm calling world leaders, dignitaries, you know, I feel like he just breaks.

[Pete Holmes]

Out perfect Mandarin Vin. I wouldn't put it past him.

[Lamorne Morris]

He's like, I sell all my movies.

[Pete Holmes]

I sell all my movies.

[Lamorne Morris]

But he. What I did one day, I don't know. This is what I mean by I don't think he likes me. Can't wait, because I could be wrong.

[Pete Holmes]

We're going to decide today.

[Lamorne Morris]

I once trolled him on social media, but in a positive way, I thought. You remember that picture that he posted with what he posted of the Rock when he was trying to get the Rock to come back to Fast and the Furious? Well, he had posted, he had this plea to the Rock and said, listen, we're family. We're brothers. My kids look up to you. They call you Uncle Dwayne.

[Pete Holmes]

Just the last line of every Fast and Furious movie he just copied and pasted.

[Lamorne Morris]

Drive your car.

[Pete Holmes]

You gotta drive a standard. Helps with the control. I interviewed the Fast and Furious cast for one of them and I said, when it cuts to the inserts of your feet on the clutch, are those your feet? Ludacris laughed like I was an idiot. He had no idea who I was. So he didn't. I was joking. But, yeah, keep going.

[Lamorne Morris]

Steve, you crazy?

[Pete Holmes]

So. So he posted, said, we're family.

[Lamorne Morris]

Come on.

[Pete Holmes]

They call you Uncle Dwayne?

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, it was all this stuff, you know, and so. And I was excited because I was like, shit, the Rock back in the mood. I like the franchise.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

But then later on, I was wondering why we weren't getting a sequel to Bloodshot.

[Pete Holmes]

So did it do well? I'm not trying.

[Lamorne Morris]

Did well. On Demand. We were the last movie during the pandemic. Like, we. Our premiere was about to be canceled because they had started shutting theaters down.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wow.

[Lamorne Morris]

But the studio was like, well, let's just release it anyway.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And like, the theaters were shut down, of course. So we went straight.

[Pete Holmes]

Win an Oscar.

[Lamorne Morris]

We didn't.

[Pete Holmes]

No Oscar.

[Lamorne Morris]

I Don't think we were even nominated.

[Pete Holmes]

No category.

[Lamorne Morris]

No category. I mean, bullshit. Visually.

[Pete Holmes]

Visual effects alone, great. Visually, look at my shoulders.

[Lamorne Morris]

I thought there were great performances in the movie.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. I actually saw that tour you gave of your house, and you said, that's Bloodshot. It's the greatest action movie ever made. And you seem to believe it. I'm not. Again, I haven't seen it, so I'm not questioning.

[Lamorne Morris]

To be fair, it's the only action movie I've ever made.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

So I'm just gonna say that.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Lamorne Morris]

I'm just gonna listen. I got. We ride together, we die together.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. Once you're in a Vin Diesel movie, you're obligated. You're in the family now.

[Lamorne Morris]

Listen.

[Pete Holmes]

But you're not. Tell me. Tell me what happened.

[Lamorne Morris]

So I posted a photo of us, and I just rewrote what he had written to the Rock. But I wrote it to him.

[Pete Holmes]

To put you in the movie?

[Lamorne Morris]

No, to make Bloodshot two. I was like, come on, the people need us. They've been calling for it. My daughter, she's never met you, but she calls you Uncle Vin. We tried to. I said, we reached out to that tree, and I said, we knew we couldn't get you, so we reached out to that tree. Guardians of the Galaxy. But he was busy, so we reached that back out to you. So hopefully, you know, you and I. But I was doing it in a way which I thought he would think was funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And I don't think so, because then I was sent a gift in the first of all. Like, some producers hit me up and they were like, are you good with Vin? Or. I was like, what do you mean? They were like, that's like a. You might want to take that down. I was like, oh, no. I'm just being funny. Like, I thought I got. What? I don't have a problem. What do you mean? And they were like. They didn't get the bit. I'm like, do you remember the picture he posted? They were like, no. And I was like, go look at the thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God.

[Lamorne Morris]

And then people kind of understood it. I was like, I think he would understand it. I get a big box in the mail from then with a bow on it or from his company, One Race Pictures. I open it.

[Pete Holmes]

One race.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. Well, he's multiracial, but, you know. Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

Like human race.

[Lamorne Morris]

Human race.

[Pete Holmes]

It does sound kind of like there should be one race. You know what I mean? I'm not saying that's what he means. But I'm not calling my company. One Race Pictures.

[Lamorne Morris]

Aryan Race. What the. No, but he. Anyway.

[Pete Holmes]

One Race. Oh, God, that's too real. That gave me the Willy Tillies.

[Lamorne Morris]

But no, he. Then I then opened the box. It's big Christmas box.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

But in it is a plat. Like a pad. A phone charger. That's just a pad.

[Pete Holmes]

Like a. The kind you put your phone on.

[Lamorne Morris]

Just put your phone on.

[Pete Holmes]

Big box. Big box inside, small. So it's like a joke? Yeah, it's like, oh, shit. This is gonna be like a 3D printer or something.

[Lamorne Morris]

I'm thinking it's gonna be a damn Ferrari. I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

This box is big family now.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know how to drive a standard? Let me do that again. You know how to drive. Hey, Wiggins. You know how to drive a standard? And you open it, and there's a charging bag.

[Lamorne Morris]

That's why I was like, oh, he doesn't like me. I think I fucked up.

[Pete Holmes]

How big is the box? Are you sure it was a joke? Or was it just an oversight at the One True Race production company?

[Lamorne Morris]

I don't know. I don't. It was the box. I'm not exaggerating when I say the box was probably like a good half this size. Probably like, it'd be like this big, you know?

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, the size of that cushion. Half the cushion.

[Lamorne Morris]

Half the cushion.

[Pete Holmes]

And there was a little thing in it.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, about this. The pad is about this big.

[Pete Holmes]

And nothing else in it.

[Lamorne Morris]

Nothing else in it. And I was so.

[Pete Holmes]

Card is no voiceover in your head.

[Lamorne Morris]

Fuck you. That's what I thought it said.

[Pete Holmes]

Lamorne is me. Remember that tweet you did?

[Lamorne Morris]

You might want to charge your phone because there's gonna be plenty more tweets where that comes from.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, there is kind of a. There's gotta be something. There's a corollary.

[Lamorne Morris]

There's gotta be.

[Pete Holmes]

You're out there tweeting on your phone, you better charge up.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, so I don't know. I don't know if he likes me or doesn't like me, but I love him, so I don't know if that's a thing.

[Pete Holmes]

I had a friend who, again, secondhand, who did a movie with Joaquin Phoenix. I was actually cut out of that movie. And he said he would text Joaquin. They got close, and Joaquin would just text him pages and pages of giraffe facts. So what does that have to do with the story you just told me? Famous people are crazy. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not saying bad, crazy. I'm saying they're eclectic, eccentric, kooky.

[Lamorne Morris]

I feel like there's a reason that you could get to that level of creativity.

[Pete Holmes]

I agree. The veil is thinner.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. Like, they're. They're porous.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And they're grabbing it. Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Cause you see, I'm working with Nick Cage right now. Couldn't be a more normal person.

[Pete Holmes]

Hey.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. Oh, man.

[Pete Holmes]

Great to meet you. Love, new girl, Zooey Deschanel. She's great. Anyway, let's go.

[Lamorne Morris]

Fuck you.

[Pete Holmes]

Nick Cage was on point today. That came out better.

[Lamorne Morris]

That's pretty good. It was pretty good.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's usually horrible, so.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, no. He's one of those guys that I. Because I had these previous experiences with certain folks, I was like. Because his reputation is so broad and out there, I go, I wonder. I wonder what this will be like, working with him. Couldn't be a more generous actor.

[Pete Holmes]

He's.

[Lamorne Morris]

He's as kind as they come, really.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, like, what. Like, how's Lamorn being framed right now?

[Lamorne Morris]

Well, Snow. He'll go. He'll look like if I do something, like, if I try something, there are moments where I go, like I said, I'm gonna say, I'm gonna try something else in this moment. And I'll go and try. And he'll go. He'll go. He'll. I'll do it. And then when I'm done, he'll. He'll, like, wink at me, go, that's pretty good. That's pretty good.

[Pete Holmes]

That was good.

[Lamorne Morris]

That was pretty good. That was pretty good. And I go, thank you. And he's. He's open about his. Like, we talk about personal stuff. He's very. You know, he's. He's upfront about advice that he, you know, if he sees something, he, wow.

[Pete Holmes]

What'S a piece of advice? I collect the advice.

[Lamorne Morris]

Well, he, you know, actually, one of his pieces of advice, he didn't really tell me. He just did it.

[Pete Holmes]

And don't eat supermarket shrimp. They say it's precooked. I don't trust it.

[Lamorne Morris]

Ralph's sushi isn't real sushi.

[Pete Holmes]

Ralph, Sushi. I'd rather eat airport sushi.

[Lamorne Morris]

I'd rather eat an airport. No, he.

[Pete Holmes]

I could eat a peach for hours. What was that movie, Face Off?

[Lamorne Morris]

Was it Face Off?

[Pete Holmes]

It might have been. Katie, you're too generous to look up what is. I could eat a peach for hours. I could eat a peach.

[Lamorne Morris]

No, but I watched a. I had asked him about his.

[Pete Holmes]

It's Face Off. Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

I watched about his preparation because he knows everything about the script, like, episodes in advance. He knows the dialogue. He knows the lines from front to back and even back to front. What does that mean?

[Pete Holmes]

He can say them backwards.

[Lamorne Morris]

He can say the last line and the line that comes before that. The line comes up into the first line if you say one. He knows exactly where in the script. That is.

[Pete Holmes]

What.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. He's such a student still of the craft. And so without telling me his advice, he gave me advice.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Lamorne Morris]

He's like. He's like, you're. The work doesn't be. He's like, you need to know this, the script, in such a way before the work even begins. And I'm like, holy shit. And I look at him and I look at myself and I go, I got work to do.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

I got work to do.

[Pete Holmes]

That is, again, as I'm developing still as an actor and as a privilege to develop as an actor while you're being actor. That's a privilege and I'm grateful. But, like, sometimes I just watched something I was in and I was like, oh, I should have done more script work. Because I'm not like, I'm just rolling in and doing the scene.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And, like, it sounds like someone like Nick Cage would know the scene that came before the scene that comes after three scenes before.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean? And that sounds like the most obvious thing in the world. But you know what it's like sometimes when you get in the rhythm. You've been on a shoot for two months, you just go and do the scene.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you didn't take the moment to go, like, wait, in the scene before this, I was crying.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I should look like I was just crying. That's not the true example. But, like, sometimes it doesn't carry over. It sounds like Nick Cage is the opposite of that.

[Lamorne Morris]

He's the opposite of a lazy actor.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Because you don't even have to be a lazy. There are moments in which you do get lazy or complacent.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And you don't do the full scope of the work for that scene because you know it. You know the character, you know your lines and you just play it. But then a director will have to come in and remind you of what happened this year before.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what happened in my case, by the way. The director was like, you were crying. Oh, right.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, my bad.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. Yeah. That was just for fun. That one was for us, Nick.

[Lamorne Morris]

You don't have to remind me.

[Pete Holmes]

Why are you laughing? Because I want to be the most well liked.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yes. And funniest.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah. And third, your movie.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

So Nick Cage was.

[Lamorne Morris]

You don't have to remind him.

[Pete Holmes]

How did you know he knew it backwards? Would he do that?

[Lamorne Morris]

We. We talked about it. He said that you have to know the words front to back. Literally know them this way. Just. That's what his process.

[Pete Holmes]

And then also that way, that way.

[Lamorne Morris]

That's his process.

[Pete Holmes]

And I wonder if he sees it visual, like, if he's like, that kind of learner.

[Lamorne Morris]

I'm still picking his brain.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And you know what's crazy? The. The. The best. The. The great thing about being on a shoot with somebody that you admire like that. Let's say I was on that same shoot with Vincent. I would have. He would have been annoyed with me because I would have been picking his brain nonstop.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

That's what I get out of these things, because I'm going to go on and do my own stuff after we work together.

[Pete Holmes]

You keep this up, you're going to get another cell phone charger. Back away.

[Lamorne Morris]

I'm like, hey, Vid, I'm picking your brain. I don't give a fuck what you say, you know, I'm going to be in your trailer.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the trailer. But he's pointing to your trailer, like.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, this triple banger. All right, I'll go in there.

[Pete Holmes]

So, okay, Nick Cage. That's incredible. I love that. I love that.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then Ham Bone, you worked with Johnny Ham. I. I saw somewhere. And I didn't watch the clip because I wanted to hear it from you, that you met John Ham on mushrooms. Is this. Is this real?

[Lamorne Morris]

Yes, that's true. I was.

[Pete Holmes]

That's true.

[Lamorne Morris]

Chappelle had. He would do the summer camp where these, like, during the pandemic, where these comics would come out and go on stage and, you know, tell jokes and literally on a farm, he built this. Yeah. In Ohio. So I went out there a couple times, and one of the times that I was out there, there was this lady who was, like, making this specialized shroom tea, and apparently I was the only one who wanted some because I'd never done it. I was like, I want O.

[Pete Holmes]

You had never done Russians?

[Lamorne Morris]

No, I was like, I want to trip. I want to do some weird. I want to see shit.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And I'm assuming everybody else is. But I'm assuming everybody else has probably done it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Oh, I see.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. You know what I mean? But, like, so I'm Assuming. Yeah, they've done it, they're clearly gonna accept this tea from this woman.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

The strange woman that no one can recall, but she was there, gave me this tea. And all I remember is Tiffany Haddish was telling a joke. She told this one joke, and her joke was, y'all ever wonder what happened to Grace Jones? That is Serge Ibaka. And I. When I say was in tears. Do you know who Serge Ibaka is?

[Pete Holmes]

No. Sergio Chewbacca.

[Lamorne Morris]

Basketball player. Former basketball player. He's got the cheekbones like Grace Jones.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God.

[Lamorne Morris]

Put the picture of them two up side by side. I was in tears.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Lamorne Morris]

And. And at the time, it was the funniest joke. So I kept asking her to tell it again, and she did. And then I just kept saying, please, Tiffany, just say it one more time. And at this point, everybody's looking at me like, what the.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

What the is wrong with you?

[Pete Holmes]

Be cool.

[Lamorne Morris]

Be cool, dude. I was like. And I. When I say tears, I'm laughing so hard, and everybody's like, what the. Michael J. Is there, and he's going, stop.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And John is sitting right next to me, and I'm like, holy man. Sitting next to John right now. This is crazy. And then he goes. He looks at me, and in Dave's backyard, he has these red neon lights. And in Dave's backyard, it's, like, glowing. It's bouncing off the thing. It's everything. And right behind. Right behind him, there's this red aura. And Jon Hamm goes, maybe you should get some water. And I lost it.

[Pete Holmes]

Because it looked like the devil.

[Lamorne Morris]

He. I immediately, in that moment, thought he is Satan and he is trying to kill me by drowning me. I'm like, why are you suggesting I go drink water? How much water should I drink? All of it, John. And I was. I lost my mind. I got up and I walked away. I was like, yeah, yeah. I'm gonna go get some water. And I walked away off into the forest.

[Pete Holmes]

Every mushroom story has some point where you walk off into the forest. Yes. You have to.

[Lamorne Morris]

I was. I saw deer. I was like, wait, for real? Yeah. Yeah. No, no.

[Pete Holmes]

I walked tripping deer.

[Lamorne Morris]

I just walked that way.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And I was. And when I say freaking out. Out. I was freaking out. But I was also, like, on a mission. I just knew that I had to get away from John Am. Because I was like, if the devil's that way, you go that way.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

At least that's what the Bible says.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

You know, so that's what happened and.

[Pete Holmes]

What did you do once you were in the woods?

[Lamorne Morris]

I sat. I sat by a tree for a little bit.

[Pete Holmes]

And you just wrote it out?

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Were you having a good time? That sounds like it might be an amazing time.

[Lamorne Morris]

No, Once I. No, not, not originally, no.

[Pete Holmes]

Paranoia?

[Lamorne Morris]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

No. I hear that possibility as well. But maybe I was hoping for you. You get away from the worst place for me to be on mushrooms. Just one of them has to be with a red light. Jon Hamm, Tiffany Haddish, who thinks you're being weird. Michael Shea, who wants you to get it under control. Then you go to the woods and you're like, this is where the mushrooms wanted me to be.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Lamorne Morris]

Eventually it got to that place.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Because it was. When I say pitch black, it was so dark. Dark. But I knew maybe, you know, five, six hundred feet that way. People are there. That's safety. My car is there. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And maybe about an hour, I. I think I said by the tree in about an hour. I went back to my car, sat in my car for a while, fell asleep maybe for about 30 minutes, got up and was like, I'm gonna go home. And I just drove maybe three blocks to my hotel.

[Pete Holmes]

Whoa.

[Lamorne Morris]

And that was it. And yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's incredible. This episode is brought to us by our friends at the perfect Jean. Literally, the only jeans that I wear, which pretty much makes them the only pants that I wear. I hate hard pants. I love the perfect jean because they look fantastic. They're built fantastically and they have a little bit of stretch, meaning these are comfortable, soft pants that look good. You don't have to wear, you know, like some sting pant, like a Phil Collins pajama pant. You can just wear amazing looking jeans that give you a little bit of stretch. They got 2% spandex, 2.5% rayon for extra comfort and movement that your man parts require. Especially now around the holidays, you're going to be watching football games, you're going to be watching movie marathons. You're going to be going up for seconds and thirds from your holiday table. You might even fall asleep in your pants if you're like me and you're going to want them to be the perfect gene. They are liberating over 400,000 men's balls. 400,001, including me. And you can get 15% off with our code BABYBUNS. 15. It's finally time to stop crushing your balls in uncomfortable jeans by going to ThePerfectGene NYC. That's J E A N ThePerfectGene NYC, our listeners get 15% off your first order plus free shipping, free returns and free exchanges. When you use code BABY BUNS15, that's 15% off. New customers at ThePerfectJean NYC with promo code BABYBUNS15. After you purchase, they're going to ask where you heard about them. Please say our show Support our show Support your balls, support your pants look good, fuck your khakis and get the perfect jean. Little sniff there for accent. We're also brought to us by our friends at Armra. I was just putting Armra in my smoothie this morning and thinking this is a perfect gift for someone you don't know what to get for because who doesn't want to be healthier, feel better, look better and just kind of get that glow that Colostrum gives you. But you know, maybe they don't know about it. If you have somebody on your list that's very hard to get a gift for. I'm one of those kinds of people. Get them some armor Colostrum. I am obsessed with ways to strengthen my immunity and my gut health as well as fitness, endurance, metabolism as well as hair and skin radiance, also reducing bloat, fortifying gut health, igniting your metabolism. That's the main thing I notice when I take my arm every day, which I do, I feel lighter in my belly. It just kind of equalizes the whole environment down there and I feel fantastic. It also stabilizes my blood sugar, it accelerates fat burning. It really is a superfood. It fuels your fitness, performance and recovery. Armor Colostrum is a proprietary concentrate of bovine Colostrum. It's just a powder, doesn't taste like anything. They do have some flavored. I really like their blood orange flavor in the packets. That's really fantastic. But IT harnesses over 400 living bioactive nutrients that rebuild the barriers of the body and fuel cellular health for a host of research back health benefits. And it couldn't be easier to take. There's no taste. You can take it in water, you can put it in your smoothie, you can just throw it in your mouth. That's what I do sometimes. It's wholly natural, sustainable, grass fed in the US and they guarantee the highest potency and bioavailability of any Colostrum on the market for results you can actually see and feel and both Val and I actually see and feel those results. For real. For real. We worked out a special offer for weirdos. Get 15 off your first order. Go to tryarmra.com weird or enter weird to get 15% off. That's t R Y A R m r a.com weird. Back to the show. Going back to what we were saying about Nic Cage, I realized that there was something that we didn't talk about. I was just talking to a friend of mine. He's like. We were talking about ayahuasca earlier, but like he said, there's something that really blew my mind. He was like, you know, with schizophrenic people and people that have what we label as a mental illness, it's like we medicate them and we sequester them, we institutionalize them and we sedate them, basically. And there. It's because I'm listening to this podcast called the. The Telepathy Tapes, which is incredible. And it's about non verbal autistic people that can. That have telepathy. It's unbelievable, dude. It's a must. Listen. You have to listen to it.

[Lamorne Morris]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

And go in with all your skepticism because it's, It's. That's the best way to enjoy it.

[Lamorne Morris]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

You'll go nuts. So we were talking about it. When he said it, he was like, he. Yeah. In jungle cultures, if you were like. If the veil was really thin and you had, like, access to, like you were saying, creativity, but all sorts of weird spiritual gifts, they made you a shaman. Like, the old shaman would like, train you and you'd be, dude, shamans are freaky dudes. It's not some guy named Keith in Santa Monica talking about, like jungle Amazonian shamans. These are, like, away from the tribe and their seeing shit and they're talking shit. But they would train them very. Like a movie. Anyway, I'm just saying, like, it's interesting that another place for people where the veil is thin, meaning your grasp of reality is a little bit different, is creativity. And that's why it's not surprising when you're talking to Nic Cage that he can, like, look at a script two ways and, like, and make such interesting choices.

[Lamorne Morris]

Because he's a shaman.

[Pete Holmes]

Because. Well, I am a shaman. I'm a healer.

[Lamorne Morris]

Nick Cage is a healer.

[Pete Holmes]

Face off.

[Lamorne Morris]

I ran into a guy the other day who said he was a healer. And I don't. I don't subscribe to that kind of thing. I could be totally wrong. Could be. I'm open to it being true. Sure. I just haven't really seen it.

[Pete Holmes]

Sure.

[Lamorne Morris]

In action. But this guy comes up and he's. This guy come up and he's talking to me and my sister were sitting down at a restaurant and he, when I say showed up and was just so accurate, it, with every detail, I, I, it blew my mind.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, he was reading you guys.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, he really. Yeah. He had said, he had mentioned this past month of my life has been really chaotic. Busy but fulfilling and successful. He's like, he goes, he, he talked about my sister and a trial that she's going through.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, literally a trial or like Bible talk. Talk.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, she's, she's going to prison.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that real?

[Lamorne Morris]

No, that was very well done. No, like, it's just a good try.

[Pete Holmes]

She's going to prison.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like tribulations.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, yeah, like that, you know, a time. And so she's figuring some things out.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And, and that's something that her and I talk about all the time. He just walked up and was like, that that's going to go away. And he's like, roughly around March, I think around March, there are going to be some revelations that you're going to figure out that's going to, to, you're going to explore this and that and it's going to make you think differently about this and this and this. But he was very specific about the things that she was going through, even with me. And for me, I'm a little more skeptical because Google exists and I think maybe if they know me.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

He knows that I just won an Emmy, so maybe he's like, yeah, yeah. You know, saying certain things that could, you know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

But he was very specific with her. He doesn't know her.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Lamorne Morris]

Very accurate with her.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Lamorne Morris]

And, and I mean, he was very specific with me as well, but I thought maybe that could.

[Pete Holmes]

You have to listen to the telepathy tapes. And so do you, Katie. It is fucking unbelievable.

[Lamorne Morris]

And so do you folks at home.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, for real. Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Telepathy tapes.

[Pete Holmes]

It's one of the most interesting things. Paradigm shifting. It actually aligned with my view of the universe already, even though I'm not super woo. But I was like, this makes sense. This tracks for me. But I'm talking about like, like repeatable sign and 100% accuracy, not like 30%. Even though 30%. The odds of like a 30% accuracy is like 1 to a gazillion or something. But these guys are nailing it. They put them in tanks, they put them behind steel. And then there are endless stories where people are like, email somebody. And we're like, you were in the woods last night and this is what you prayed about.

[Lamorne Morris]

And like, but how Are we confirming this?

[Pete Holmes]

That's fair. But there's lots of confirmed. That's an anecdotal little one that I just told you where. It's like this kid emailed me and said what I was praying about. Yeah. You'd have to be the guy. But what's interesting about stuff like that is time and time again, everybody, including me, you'll always be a little bit skeptical until it happens to you. And the podcast is filled with people that are like, I went in, I had this word in my head, and he typed it out. The first thing he did when he came in, he typed out the word that I had in my head. I was just like. And people are on the verge of tears talking about this. Skeptics.

[Lamorne Morris]

You mean magicians.

[Pete Holmes]

Magicians.

[Lamorne Morris]

These guys.

[Pete Holmes]

These guys are magicians.

[Lamorne Morris]

They're Magic Castle regulars.

[Pete Holmes]

They're all Magic Castle regulars. But some of it, not all of it, but a lot of it really holds up to. Actually, I'm going to say a great majority of it holds up to the scientific method.

[Lamorne Morris]

I'm really cur. I want. I want to be involved in something like this.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And here's the reason why I'm probably not. Not because then I'll know it's real. And if I know it's real, I'm going to seek out the ability to do it. And if I seek out the ability to do it and become successful at it, I'm going to use my powers for evil.

[Pete Holmes]

We'll be right back. You think so if you realized deep.

[Lamorne Morris]

In your experience, can I move? A like telepathy, meaning just to communicate.

[Pete Holmes]

Or to, like, move, Read minds. That's psychokinesis or telekinesis.

[Lamorne Morris]

That's telekinesis.

[Pete Holmes]

Telekinesis.

[Lamorne Morris]

So it's lepathy, just so. The ability to communicate.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Well, you and I could be talking and just be like, it happens. So the. I don't know. No one knows the reason, but these are nonverbal, highly intelligent people stuck, you know, in their bodies, bodies that don't work or don't do what they want them to do. And they're developing this way of talking. So caretakers, teachers, parents, very close relationships. They just started. And once. And no one wanted to talk about it, but once they started talking about it, we realized it was a worldwide phenomenon.

[Lamorne Morris]

I could buy it because whales do it. I mean, they use.

[Pete Holmes]

Dolphins do it.

[Lamorne Morris]

I could buy it to a certain degree.

[Pete Holmes]

There were that. Okay. One of my favorite stories is there was a guy who saved a tribe of elephants. They were being. They were going to be murdered, basically, because they were being a nuisance to the people. They were, like, trampling. It was dangerous elephants. So, like, we're going to kill these elephants. Their plan was in motion to kill this, like, herd of elephants. This dude had a sanctuary, went in. Now he couldn't just go in and get them because they were, like, feral. They were like, dangerous elephants. And he went in and lived with them for, like, a week. I don't know the dude's name. That's. I wish I did. Let's say it was Aaron, just so I can refer to him. So Aaron goes and lives with the guy with the elephants for, like a week, gets them to trust him, gets his stuff in there, gets them to go on the truck, relocates them to this, like, thousand acre preserve, right? He dies like, 10 years later. The elephants all showed up at his house. They like, his house was on the property. They hadn't visited in years. They, like, they traveled over 90 hours. They walked towards the guy's house and showed up after he died. I'm pretty sure on the day that he died, they showed up, which means they, like, were leaving knowing he was dying. Showed up, he's dead. Then here's the kicker. Every year on the anniversary of his death, they showed up, up.

[Lamorne Morris]

So. Because my question is, who sent them an email to let them know about the death?

[Pete Holmes]

You don't need that email. You don't need that. And then there were ones with parrots. They had a parrot in the attic. And the woman in the basement should look at pictures and they have the audio of it. And the parrot would go like, ring, ring. It's the phone. She's looking at a picture of a phone. Dude, I'm telling you, these are, like, low. This is the well liquor of this podcast. The top shelf will blow your. It's paradigm shifting. It's insane.

[Lamorne Morris]

I need that ability. Well, because in. In when I say powerful for evil, it's not really for evil. I'm a very shy guy. In. In important moments, when it. When it comes to the opposite sex.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

There are some women that I have been in love with over the years that I've not told them. If I had this ability, I could just whisper in their brains, I'm behind you. What? I love you. Oh, my God. And who's that? And I could go, me with the hoodie on, they'd be like, how are you doing that? I go, imagine the other possibilities of what I can do to you. This is just the beginning this is just the beginning.

[Pete Holmes]

10 inches is my pool. Well, that's funny, because they would have to have telekinesis for you to do that.

[Lamorne Morris]

But I can train them if I know that it's an ability.

[Pete Holmes]

So your strategy. I can see my. Maybe you're having some difficulties. Your strategy to meet a woman is to first train her.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

In telepathy and then freak her out by. But she can hear everyone's thoughts and that.

[Lamorne Morris]

You got to hear me out, man. You got to hear me. What are the odds of two people in the same room? Say it's a thousand people in the room. The odds that two people have telekinesis. Very low.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Very rare.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Right. If I meet Zoe Kravitz under the pretense that I'm going to train her and guide her in something, and then once she's learning and she's figuring it out, she's like, oh, my God, then I don't need to communicate with her. She's going to be my wife.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's true.

[Lamorne Morris]

That's my goal in life, to have her my wife.

[Pete Holmes]

I think that's true. Isn't she married?

[Lamorne Morris]

Married? No, no.

[Pete Holmes]

Isn't she dating someone?

[Lamorne Morris]

No, no, no, no. My friend. My friend's a soothsayer. He says that they're going to break up soon. Oh. It's already public that her and Channing Tatum called it quits.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's who it was.

[Lamorne Morris]

They. They called it quits.

[Pete Holmes]

So you're out for Zo. Put it out there, man.

[Lamorne Morris]

Zoe, what's happening? Also, I know.

[Pete Holmes]

So let me ask you something. You'd be okay dating a mega famous Zoe Kravitz type?

[Lamorne Morris]

Absolutely.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Well, it depends because I don't know, there's. There's like a stereotype about those women and those men who are super famous that they have. They're crazy. That they, like, we just talked about. They have these.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I mean. Once you're kind of that. By the way, this is not a woman thing. I wouldn't want to date if I was a lady or a gay man. Channing Tatum, either. I'd just be like that. I can't be going to the Vanity Fair party every year.

[Lamorne Morris]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean?

[Lamorne Morris]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

But that would be your life. Well, so I want you to think again.

[Lamorne Morris]

No, not necessarily. Here's. Here's. Here's my logic.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell me.

[Lamorne Morris]

Three years they were together.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

I. I would see her post photos. Or you would see magazine things at different part. I would See her out at parties sometimes. I didn't see him. He's busy. He's got his own life.

[Pete Holmes]

I see.

[Lamorne Morris]

I'm busy. I got my own shit to do.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

I can't be bailing on work because of this party or that party. And it's nice to go every once in a while.

[Pete Holmes]

So you'd have your own. You'd be bento box.

[Lamorne Morris]

100%. 100%.

[Pete Holmes]

I love that. You know what I meant.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, yeah. 100, I think. I do not. Take your pick.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Bento box. Well, I meant some people. Val and my wife were just talking about. This is like. Some relationship styles are like, you're over here and I'm over here, and occasionally the rice gets in the fish. And occasionally. But usually we're just over.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, I thought you meant prep. You can just a la carte it.

[Pete Holmes]

And I like that, too. Yeah, but we're PB and J. Val and I, we're just. We're all up in each other.

[Lamorne Morris]

Well, if I would hope so.

[Pete Holmes]

That's how it is. Yeah, but that's what I want. Your relationship style. You don't want. This is very personal, but, like, you don't want. I saw your house. NBA Jam, then you go in the theater, then you eat a lemon by the pool. Like, are you, like, a relationship guy? Meaning, like, the Mer. The Life merger? Or is. And there's no judgment on this? Or is it more sat phone talking to Zoe on the way to. What is the Vin Diesel bio blood?

[Lamorne Morris]

Bloodshot.

[Pete Holmes]

Bloodshot 2, where Vin gives you a big hug and goes, I've been texting the wrong guy. He said it was you. Then he kisses you on both cheeks. And you get a phone from Zoe Kravitz, and she's like, I can't be at dinner because of this, by the way. That might not even be true. But is that your style or do you want to be, like, in PJ? Are you in PJs? Are you in PJs? Or you want both?

[Lamorne Morris]

I want both. You know, because there I do have to provide for my family. So a lot of times you have to go and do the song and dance. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

How much money you have? Me?

[Lamorne Morris]

Hundreds of millions. About 700 million.

[Pete Holmes]

You were on seven seasons of New Girl.

[Lamorne Morris]

Each season, 100 million.

[Pete Holmes]

And you were on. I'm just saying, provide for my family. This is a. Oh, no, no.

[Lamorne Morris]

I see what you're saying.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

No, I. What I mean by provide for my family. What I mean by provide for my family is Is that, you know, how this business goes. If I like, you kind of have to be in a rhythm to continuously. You ride certain ways, you know, you win an award, you. Let's see what's. Let's see what. Let's see where this takes me.

[Pete Holmes]

That must look great, right?

[Lamorne Morris]

It was fantastic.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, then the offers.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that it?

[Lamorne Morris]

That's my point.

[Pete Holmes]

That's it.

[Lamorne Morris]

You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. The real. I mean is now people know you're out there.

[Lamorne Morris]

Exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, they already knew, but now.

[Lamorne Morris]

And then it's kind of like. It's like a strike while the iron's hot kind of thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And then, you know, and also you enjoy it. I love acting. I love performing. I love the song and dance of it. It's great business to be in.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. That's what. Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. I love fans. I love all I love. I love damn near most aspects of the business I enjoy. I just don't like early call times. That's about it. But with.

[Pete Holmes]

What about night shoots?

[Lamorne Morris]

I actually don't mind night shoots that much. Yeah, you know, I don't mind it. I just hate waking up at the ass crack of dark.

[Pete Holmes]

You're not a morning person. No, I'm that guy. If we have a 5am call, I'm there. I'm so happy.

[Lamorne Morris]

He's like, yes, I love it.

[Pete Holmes]

I love it. Let's shoot this sunrise for sunset and just be done.

[Lamorne Morris]

But Zoe, you know, she. You know, she seems like a person who would be boring with you every once in a while.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I believe it. None of this had anything to do with Zoe, by the way.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, yeah. Don't talk bad about her.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not dragging Zoe.

[Lamorne Morris]

Don't talk bad about her.

[Pete Holmes]

But were you married before? There's very little about. All it says is you have one kid. This is what it says about your private life on your Wikipedia page. Children 1. That's all it says.

[Lamorne Morris]

That's intentional.

[Pete Holmes]

And how old you have a daughter, though?

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, she's four. And she.

[Pete Holmes]

So we're similar age, I mean. Six.

[Lamorne Morris]

Six.

[Pete Holmes]

Not that far off.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, she's the. She's the wildest. Do you know you have. You said you have a son.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a daughter.

[Lamorne Morris]

Daughter of a daughter. Is she from funny?

[Pete Holmes]

She's funny. She's so funny.

[Lamorne Morris]

That's the. That's the best part about life is watching. I know her new material.

[Pete Holmes]

You're about to. I know every parent says this because they say it to me too, but six? Holy, like four. It finally it's here. Like you're seeing the personality. So I'm not saying you're not there.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just saying buckle up. It gets so much better.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, man.

[Pete Holmes]

And the two that. You see their attitude, you see their perspective.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

She had nothing to do with it.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean? There it is.

[Lamorne Morris]

Here it is. This is. This is her thing. You know what I mean? And.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, how is she funny?

[Lamorne Morris]

She, she. She tries out material. Like straight up jokes. Tell me everything. Like straight up jokes.

[Pete Holmes]

What? Yeah, like, so she's verbal. Like, she talks. She's a talker.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

Understands. Yeah, Jokes.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, yeah. And she. Her recall is crazy.

[Pete Holmes]

Really.

[Lamorne Morris]

Like, she'll think of. So like your dad.

[Pete Holmes]

One of the best in the business.

[Lamorne Morris]

One of the best in the business.

[Pete Holmes]

Best freestyler, best memory, best recall.

[Lamorne Morris]

Total Recall.

[Pete Holmes]

Total recall. He's got it. Not the Colin one. Colin was great. The penguin didn't care for the Total Recall. What the is this?

[Lamorne Morris]

Love tiger Land. But I'm not afraid.

[Pete Holmes]

The Banshees of in was a very moving picture. Cut to the crowd. Dead silence. Sorry.

[Lamorne Morris]

No, but she has these. She has these. She has all kinds of moments.

[Pete Holmes]

And like, what's a bit that she tried that. Then she refined.

[Lamorne Morris]

So let's see. Well, there's a few the other day. Wait. Damn it. Okay. Yeah, there's a few. There's like. I was just thinking of one too, because like when I say her recall is crazy, she'll think of a. A joke. Okay, so my sister was over and she called my friend Danielle a. But they were joking, like when they were talking. And she was like, you go, yeah, girl, you bet. You better stop.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, did people laugh when she said.

[Lamorne Morris]

Well, no, my sister is saying this to Danielle.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I know, but. Yeah, but what I've noticed with my daughter is one time. Sorry to interrupt, but my wife's auto dictating a text. This is such a dad moment. She's telling our babysitter or our house sitter to unplug the E bikes per my request, because apparently it can cause a fire. Oh, that's something somebody told me. So she's going, and Pete was wondering, I know this is kind of annoying. If you could please unplug the E bikes in the garage. And then I lean over and go into someone else's voice dictated text. Apparently it can cause a fire. So it gets in the text. We all die laughing. Because that's insane. It's insane to co opt and invade someone else's text. So we're all laughing. Then after that day, my daughter won't stop saying, apparently it can cause a fire, because that's what she noticed. So when I'm asking, when she said, bitch, did they laugh? Did she go, oh, that's a funny word.

[Lamorne Morris]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Lamorne Morris]

No. So she heard her say that. Now, I'm in the bathroom at this time, and then I. All I hear is, lily, no. And I come out. I come out the bathroom, I go, what's going on? And Lily's in the court just smiling. And I'm like, lily, what's wrong? And she goes. I was like, wait, what? I said, wait, what? She goes, b. Like, why is she saying. Why is she saying this? And my sister was like, I'm so sorry. I. I was telling Danielle that. I said. And so Lily, she just kept going, like. And she does it now, when she does it. This happened months ago. And even the other day, my friend was at my house with my daughter. They were going to go for a walk. And she was like, come on, Lily. She's like, come on, Lily. And Lee was trying to put her shoes on. She goes, don't leave me. If you leave me, I'm going to say.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God, she's got a card. This is advanced. I feel like before she knows what's up. That's incredible.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, yeah. Very manipulative, too, in a way that brilliant. I have to pretend to be upset with. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because you're glad that she's sharp.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's how I feel about my daughter's toughness. I'm super soft. I'm always on Leela's side. Val laughs at that. Like, we haven't seen Leela punch somebody, but if she did, I'd be like, that kid was harassing her. Like, all. I just. Obviously, I have to work on that. And when it comes to negotiating with children, I see everybody's side. But personally, I'm always like, what you do?

[Lamorne Morris]

What you do? What you do?

[Pete Holmes]

I just. I just can't help it. I'm fucking obsessed with her.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't look to me for fair and balance.

[Lamorne Morris]

No, not at all.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm over here going, leela was right to start a fire in your kitchen. That was very creative.

[Lamorne Morris]

Your parents deserve to die. So sorry.

[Pete Holmes]

And then I'm so rough with other kids. Like, I. With. I love treating kids in, like, a rough uncle kind of way. It makes me so happy just messing with them. But with Leela, I'm so gentle. Similar name, by the way. Lily.

[Lamorne Morris]

Lily And Lila.

[Pete Holmes]

Four letters.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. L, I, L, Y.

[Pete Holmes]

Nice, bro.

[Lamorne Morris]

What are you?

[Pete Holmes]

L, I, L, A. Whoa.

[Lamorne Morris]

Tip. Touch.

[Pete Holmes]

So it's. It sounds like you enjoy being a day dad.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, it's the best.

[Pete Holmes]

Does she understand what you do now?

[Lamorne Morris]

She does.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

It initially, after the fifth screening of Game Night, she has to sit through it. This is how we pay the bills, you see.

[Pete Holmes]

Stay awake. It's 11pm get tape on her eyes. It's not abuse.

[Lamorne Morris]

I didn't hit you. I didn't hit you.

[Pete Holmes]

So now, like, people recognize you when you're with her and stuff.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, so initially that was happening when she, she was too young to understand. Yeah. We'd take a walk. She'd be in her stroller, and, you know, we'd play this game where we would just point out things. You go, lily, what's that tree? What's that cat? You know, she's identifying certain things. And so people would always stop us on this. This is why I lived in West Hollywood. So I'd be walking down Melrose, you know, and people would always stop and ask for a photo. And then one time, one lady asked for. It was weird. She, she was like, can I. And I. This is when I was walking with my daughter in my hand, and she said, oh, my God, Can I have a photo with you and your daughter? And I said, oh, no, no, not my, not my daughter. And then she was like, okay. And she's getting the picture. She's putting her arm around me and my kid. And I was like, wait. I was like, hold on for a second. And Lily just. Lily just goes, that's my daddy. And then later on, she asked, ask about who that lady was. Like, forget what exact. What her exact words were. I said, oh, well, sometimes people ask Daddy for photos because they like Daddy. She's like, why? And I go, well, Daddy's on television. And some people appreciate that. And they, they want a photo. And we'll drive down the street and have a big BMO billboard somewhere, and she'll go, daddy's famous. Daddy's famous. Like, she'll point it out. And I'm like, oh, I think she's getting it, but not quite. And then now she just knows. Yeah, she'll tell her friends at school, my daddy won a trophy. Like, holy.

[Pete Holmes]

And you thanked her. By the way, did Robert Downey Jr. Sign your poster?

[Lamorne Morris]

No. You know, my, my heroes, man, they're.

[Pete Holmes]

How did he not.

[Lamorne Morris]

I don't know. I, I, I, I don't. He's busy.

[Pete Holmes]

For those of you for those of you that don't you want another one? You can have this one.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh. Oh, my God. What flavor is this?

[Pete Holmes]

I believe that's just plain. Is it cold?

[Lamorne Morris]

It's cold enough.

[Pete Holmes]

It's. We can have a cold.

[Lamorne Morris]

No, I don't do cold. No, n. That's you. I do room temp.

[Pete Holmes]

I do. I do Denzel going. It's. It's from Ian Edwards. Not Ian Edwards.

[Lamorne Morris]

Dean Edwards.

[Pete Holmes]

Dean Edwards. Thank you.

[Lamorne Morris]

My brain want. You want some hot sauce and Miles Sauce.

[Pete Holmes]

Hot sauce. Yeah. That's cool.

[Lamorne Morris]

His Denzel is crazy.

[Pete Holmes]

His Denzel is crazy. And since I saw him do it, I'm completely conceding that. I just lifted it from. I don't do it for money or on stage. I just go, that's you. That's you.

[Lamorne Morris]

That's you.

[Pete Holmes]

That's you.

[Lamorne Morris]

That's you.

[Pete Holmes]

That's you. This is Denzel meeting your girlfriend. That's you.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, that's you.

[Pete Holmes]

That's you. All right.

[Lamorne Morris]

You guys lay together. You know her in the biblical sense. Yeah. God bless. God is good all the time. Time. No.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I don't think you can legislate love.

[Lamorne Morris]

You get. You see that interview? No.

[Pete Holmes]

Where they were like, do you think congress should be doing more against racism? And right off the bat, he goes, I don't think you can legislate love. And I was like, jesus Christ. It was like, one of the most brilliant. It's kind of like a gotcha moment. They were like. It was some issue. It was like they just voted against this. And he was like, you can't legislate away. Hate.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I was like, fuck. It was awesome. It's pretty good when people are who you want them to be.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, 100%.

[Pete Holmes]

What you want them to be is brilliant. I'm obsessed with the Equalizer movies. I think they're so good.

[Lamorne Morris]

I love when he just goes like this.

[Pete Holmes]

Beep. I know.

[Lamorne Morris]

16 seconds.

[Pete Holmes]

16. They go, he about to kill you in 16 seconds.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, shit.

[Pete Holmes]

And there's something. He does. What? I can never fully articulate what I mean, but he does interesting acting, and there's such a fine line. You do it too much. It sucks. But he's still and he's moving. You know what I mean?

[Lamorne Morris]

He's engaging. You don't want to. Every time he's on screen, you want to be looking at him.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

He commands the entire frame.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's why. But there's also something. He's quiet. The blinking.

[Lamorne Morris]

You ever see his death scenes?

[Pete Holmes]

Wait.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, my God. He just won't die. He just. Like.

[Pete Holmes]

That'S right.

[Lamorne Morris]

Like, right. He's. It's the most interesting deaths you will.

[Pete Holmes]

Ever see because he has to die on his terms. Well, that's Training Day.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yep. Which Training Day, I think. Safe, Safe House with Ryan Reynolds.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

But he's just like, yep, he won't die.

[Pete Holmes]

And there's something. Why is it cool? Like, the blinking. You really nailed the blinking. Why is that cool? I also noticed, like, cool guys in movies, they always take their pills without water. Why is that a moist throat. Cool. Yeah, but it is. And that's real mammal shit. Where we go, they're lubricated. They're not dying. They're not. Like, they don't need water.

[Lamorne Morris]

They need dry throats.

[Pete Holmes]

That's, like, what lions think is cool about other lions. And it made it to humans. Like, you just throw in pills and swallow it. And Denzel's quiet. I tried to do a bit about this where I was like, why is it cool to be quiet? Denzel's like, you wanna go out? You wanna go out? You wanna get. Come out?

[Lamorne Morris]

Okay, good.

[Pete Holmes]

Think about it. Even when he's loud, he's kind of quiet. And then think about like a dork. He's like, hey, guys. What' they don't know the room. You just gave away their location.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Everyone knows where you are. The alpha is like, we're gonna go over there. There's gonna be food over there.

[Lamorne Morris]

You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

Like, it's real primal stuff.

[Lamorne Morris]

Because he'll go. He'll. In some. There's some moments where he'll start high and then get low so you can understand what he's. So you put the emphasis on it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

You know what I mean? You understand what I'm telling you? Understand what I'm telling you?

[Pete Holmes]

You understand what I'm telling you? You understand what I'm telling you? That is good.

[Lamorne Morris]

I like that interview that he did with that. I forget.

[Pete Holmes]

Five pounds of pressure, son. Five pounds of pressure. That's all it takes. He makes this line where he goes, man isn't spelled G U N, son. How do you make that cool? Look, I love the equalizer, but that's a bad line, yo. Meaning it's a bad line to say.

[Lamorne Morris]

But he makes it.

[Pete Holmes]

He makes it. Man isn't spelled G U N. Show me the greats and have them say that line without it being fucking stupid.

[Lamorne Morris]

And if we knew. And if we knew, we'd be. We'd be.

[Pete Holmes]

Denzel, man isn't spelled G U n son.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Does he add a son? I don't even know if he does that.

[Lamorne Morris]

Somebody else good goes. It's not. I just thought about that. It's not spill. Come on, Miles. You miss a tackle, you run a.

[Pete Holmes]

Mile in equalizer 3. Gets shot in the back and he sits down and he's doing that. You do it. Yeah, that's good.

[Lamorne Morris]

What it is, is confusion.

[Pete Holmes]

He's confused.

[Lamorne Morris]

You know, Book. Even. Even in Book of Eli, he's. This man is blind.

[Pete Holmes]

I loved it. I love it too.

[Lamorne Morris]

But his. He's blind, right? That's the reveal at the end. But, but. But in the beginning, like when. In the beginning. But when he gets shot. Yeah, he's. He's like. Or is he stabbed or shot? I forget. But he's just kind of like. Yeah, you could see his face. And he's looking. I looked at dead sound like. Because he does this look sometimes where he'll look and he'll just go, that. And then I go, who is he looking at?

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, that motherfucker.

[Lamorne Morris]

Blind.

[Pete Holmes]

But he wasn't born blind. I think he was blinded by whatever wiped out people. You know what's. Sorry, don't get me started on Book of Eli. Because in the opening scene when he walks into the first house, there's a tell that he's blind. He puts his hand out and he knocks stuff over. And if you know he's blind on second viewing, you're like, holy. Yeah, he's being completely blind in that first scene.

[Lamorne Morris]

My friend told me the ending to six Cents before I saw it. And I didn't know, you see, that it was a spoiler.

[Pete Holmes]

You see dead people.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, I see dead people.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, okay.

[Lamorne Morris]

So the moment. The moment that film started, I said to myself, I said, okay, Bruce Willis is a ghost. I. I am with the understanding that this man is a ghost. He's a ghost. Boo. Casper. I was like. So at the end when everyone, like, gasped and they went. I was like, yeah. What the is wrong with them?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, yeah. I was supposed to know he was a guy.

[Pete Holmes]

These days, they're so revealing with trailers. They would make the trailer that tells you he's a ghost. Yeah, everything is in there. There's no more surprise casting in Bruce Willis.

[Lamorne Morris]

His most spooky performance.

[Pete Holmes]

Somebody once told me, I'm dead. Okay, let's. I'm loving talking with you. It's funny. This is a 4 o'clock. This has 4 o'clock energy to me, and I love it. It's a Lot more chill. Usually I do this at 11 after my first coffee, and I can't. It's really fucking.

[Lamorne Morris]

You gotta relax, man.

[Pete Holmes]

Just.

[Lamorne Morris]

You have your own cards.

[Pete Holmes]

You want to relax. You wanna.

[Lamorne Morris]

You don't wanna relax.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you wanna relax? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's when he's getting ready to be mad. Oh, you wanna relax?

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, you wanna relax?

[Pete Holmes]

That was just a fucking bad one right there. You wanna relax?

[Lamorne Morris]

That's what you telling me?

[Pete Holmes]

That's what it should sound like? That's what you tell me.

[Lamorne Morris]

That's what you tell.

[Pete Holmes]

I can't do it. Look. Oh, do you do Will Smith as well? I love impressions. No, I saw it online.

[Lamorne Morris]

You know, I'll tell you this. I don't tell it to them. My wife's name. I don't know. My son. No. So he. I, I, when I say I like, Denzel came from Dean. My Denzel, just like you said.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Dean.

[Lamorne Morris]

Dean, you know, is inspired by Dean, but it's also inspired by Jay Pharaoh. I mean, J. Will Smith inspired by Jay Pharaoh for me, because I. Yeah, yeah. I never thought to do a Will Smith impression.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Until I saw Jay Pharaoh do it. And I was like, wait, that sounds exactly like Will Smith.

[Pete Holmes]

What's he doing? I know. I, I feel that way. Taran Killam did this podcast. He did Brad Pitt. And after I. When you hear someone that does an impression and you go, I didn't even know that person. Talks away. Yeah, I can't do it. But Taryn's like, boom, I can't do it. He figured it out.

[Lamorne Morris]

I would cry. I know this a sign that I made it is when someone can do an impression of me because I don't think I have a particular interesting way of sounding. You know, I don't know somebody that's.

[Pete Holmes]

You, it just turns into I. You know, it's interesting. If someone did you, I think I would know it was you.

[Lamorne Morris]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

But now that I'm talking to you, I don't know what that would sound like.

[Lamorne Morris]

I, I Right. There are people who do impressions of you. Are there? It's got to be because I. James.

[Pete Holmes]

Adomian does it, but he just yells, I want somebody that does the.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, there is. I'm going to work on it. I'm gonna work on it.

[Pete Holmes]

It depends on what you're doing. Because I talk differently. Sometimes when I'm doing stand up, there's like a fight flight thing that goes on. So I'm adrenalized.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I start talking a different cadence. I'll Be like, can Starbucks stop? You know?

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Close up a little bit. And there's pocket. It doesn't matter. What am I talking about? How to do an impression of me.

[Lamorne Morris]

I have a question.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

We can cut this out too, if you want.

[Pete Holmes]

I guarantee I won't care, whatever it is.

[Lamorne Morris]

Do you remember a show, and I'm not sure if this has happened off often, but I haven't talked to him in a while. Old buddy of mine, TJ Miller.

[Pete Holmes]

How do you know tj?

[Lamorne Morris]

Second City Days, Chicago. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's where he and I met. Yeah. Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

So we had, like, a brief.

[Pete Holmes]

By the way, did you know Steve O'Harvey? Ed. Ed. Debbie actually passed. But you worked at Ed Debevix.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And Steve O'Harvey worked at Ed Debevix. His name was Steve Harvey, I think. But he added the. Oh, so a bunch of comics, maybe even tj. We all went to Ed De Bev. Holy. And, like, ate there. And you might have been there. When I read that, I was like, that's nuts.

[Lamorne Morris]

Well, there were two at De Bev.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Lamorne Morris]

There was one out in one.

[Pete Holmes]

Where they're nice to you.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, it's super nice.

[Pete Holmes]

It's Edward De.

[Lamorne Morris]

You walk in and they suck your dick.

[Pete Holmes]

I had to. Was down there. I had to do it.

[Lamorne Morris]

We were really nice here.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. The super nice Ed.

[Lamorne Morris]

Everyone gets an orgasm.

[Pete Holmes]

Ed De Bev. For people, it's hard to say. It's a restaurant where they're mean to you on purpose.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, we're meeting you on purpose. And there was one out in the burbs. In Lombard.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And at the Yorkville Mall. And then there was one in the city.

[Pete Holmes]

I think this one was. I can't remember.

[Lamorne Morris]

It had to have been in the city.

[Pete Holmes]

I. Probably in the city. And I remember I had to get my own drinks. Like, we ordered drinks and Stevo waited on us and he was like, you get him?

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

That's when I got him and I. It was such a thrill.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. That's the kind of place it is.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. So you were saying how you knew. No.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. So.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, TJ Something. Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

So tj. We met through that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

You know, and then actually, I think I ran into him on the street once in New York. He had just done that ABC show, Carpoolers. Carpoolers.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And I just. I saw that I was. I was living in New York at the time, walking past each other, and I stopped him. I was like, dude, second City. Because I used to see him there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so. And so. But anyway, anyway, so TJ and I would hang out often. Then we did a pilot together for cbs. Yeah, we did a pilot together. The assistants.

[Pete Holmes]

Vaguely.

[Lamorne Morris]

It was Heather Locklear, Sarah Wright, David Henry. Yeah. Jason Jones.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, but wait, Jason Jones?

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. The comedian?

[Pete Holmes]

Daily Show.

[Lamorne Morris]

Daily Show. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Married to Samantha B. Yeah. That's crazy because I did Samantha be's podcast this morning.

[Lamorne Morris]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

She's mentioning Jason. I was like, oh, right, yeah, that's Jason Jones. Came up twice in the same day. That's weird for me.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. That means he's meant to be in your life.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I have telepathy, so that's no big deal for me. Zoe, not now. Zoe. All right, so you did a pilot.

[Lamorne Morris]

So we. So we became buddies and, you know, I would go watch him perform all the time.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And one show. One show. My girlfriend at the time, her mom was in town and she was like, oh, my mom wants to go to a comedy show. So I called tj. Hey, man, are you performing anywhere? My girlfriend's mom is in town. I want to take her to see. See your show. He's like, yeah, man, I'm performing at. At this place at good. The Gower Gulch. Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Gulch. Yeah. Tiger Lily.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, Tiger Lily. Tiger Lily. And so you were hosting.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Lamorne Morris]

And he was. That's you. Yeah. And tj. TJ was you. You kept calling for TJ to cover the state. You were stalling.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And tj and I'm like texting.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, he wasn't coming on stage.

[Lamorne Morris]

He wasn't coming on stage. He was supposed to. And we were. And no one knew where he was.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And so I'm texting him, I'm like, where are you? And he's not answering. That finally hits me back. Oh, man, I'm. I'm in the kitchen hanging out with the cooks. So he was in the back up.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And then he comes on stage and I remember he couldn't do his material. So you come back on stage.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And you guys do. Which might be the funniest thing I've ever seen on a stage. A two man set where you're now you're basically holding him up in a way.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

But you guys are bouncing off of each other as if it's a sketch show.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Lamorne Morris]

And it was one of the funny. So my girlfriend at the time, her mom went from being. Cause she black mom too. So she was just kind of like, what is this shit? Like, oh, he late. Oh, he's Drunk on stage. Okay. And she went from that to being in tears.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God.

[Lamorne Morris]

Laughing going. That was the funniest shit I've ever seen.

[Pete Holmes]

Wish I could see it. I have very, very little memory of that.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, it was at the Tiger Lily.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, I can picture it. It's like my mind is making the memory. And TJ and I would occasionally go on stage and perform together.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Me and Mulaney would do that from time to time as well. It was a weird thing. Usually when you're hosting, go up with someone else, and now you got two people riffing. Makes it easier. I remember feeling that tj. Tj, who was a much, you know, blew up faster than all of us, was very generous in that way, would, like, riff with us and.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Kind of, like, let some of that rub off on us, too. We also. I say this all the time, is like, we all kind of learn how to improvise from tj. He's. He's a really, really quick.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Improviser.

[Lamorne Morris]

He's one of the best ever.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. And if I. I would say if you watch the people from our class of Chicago comedians, I don't really do crowd work anymore, but it doesn't even have to be crowd work. It's like the way TJ really figured out a code that if you want to riff on something, start from this angle, not this angle. And we all. We all just picked that up. The first time I saw him, I was like, I don't know what the fuck is happening right now.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, it really.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, that was in high. I think it was called high tops in Chicago.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, wow.

[Pete Holmes]

But we've sort of fallen out of touch. But, like, I try to give respect.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, yeah. I haven't. I haven't talked to him in a while, but, yeah, I hope he's doing great, man, because he's.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, he's super funny.

[Lamorne Morris]

He's brilliant.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, he's funny. Yeah, we can. Thanks for being considerate. We keep that in. Of course. Keep it in. I thought you're gonna ask me something about God or my wife or something.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. So how's your wife in the sack, actually?

[Pete Holmes]

Do you. Well. Oh, you're. I don't know why you feel like a married dude to me. For some reason, I was going to be like, our sex does get better. I'm really happy to say that. We've been together for 12 years, and, like, it's not like we're getting kinky and freaky, but, like, we're so close.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's it's like. It's that, like, sort of not to overshare here, but, like, that mergy sex, it's not really even about the second. You're, like, kind of like, you love each other so much, you can just kind of melt.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's really, really beautiful. And I like sharing that. Not to be like, I'm cool, but to be like, you can find relationships that have depth.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Have some sort of subtlety that continues to go. Because the normal comedy angle would be like, when we can do it, like, that sort of thing.

[Lamorne Morris]

Because I always thought, because I'm not married and I'm not even close to it, I'm kind of dating and seeing what's happening.

[Pete Holmes]

Against marriage or open.

[Lamorne Morris]

I wouldn't say I'm against marriage. I'm for whatever happens in the moment because. Because each. I get a different energy from anyone that I'm dating at the time.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

So that's.

[Pete Holmes]

That's good because it's a cliche. Those long couples that are against marriage, next person they date, they get married.

[Lamorne Morris]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

So you have to be honest and open to what. What's being asked and what you want 100%.

[Lamorne Morris]

Like, what. What's right for me and this woman might not be right for my next relationship.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's right.

[Lamorne Morris]

And, you know, so if I could meet someone who I have the best relationship with and she could say, I like open marriages or open relationships, and that's a decision I have to make in real time. Like, is that something that I could be cool with?

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Lamorne Morris]

And, you know, at times you might say, yeah, at times you find out you're not. Yeah. And you go, nope, I'm not cool with this. That's a monster I saw you take. You know, like, I don't want. I don't know, ma'am. No, I don't like this. Why is he breathing that heavy? Why is he sweating so much? Why? I mean, why did you tell him you loved him? Why did you tell him?

[Pete Holmes]

That's not dirty talk.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. That's not dirty talk at all. Why did you.

[Pete Holmes]

You were just saying, I love you. You're better than my partner. That's not dirty talk.

[Lamorne Morris]

Why'd you change the locks on the door and then give him the new key and did not give it to me. Why did you keep. You know, so that it could happen and I don't.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. And then, you know, you have to shift it up. But then sometimes I've been in situations where it makes. I want to be married. Immediately.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Like, I want to spend every moment with this person. So I don't know. I'm not against it, but I'm also. I'm not necessarily for it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I understand. You're just living in the. In reality.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, Whatever's all he wants to do. I mean, whatever she wants to do.

[Pete Holmes]

She's Lenny's daughter.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, that's.

[Lamorne Morris]

But I'm her daddy.

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Lamorne Morris]

What? I'm sorry. She's never going to date me.

[Pete Holmes]

What I was going to say, I watched some show where Lenny was showing us. It might have been cribs or something like that. Showing us around his island. I was like, that. You can't date that man's daughter.

[Lamorne Morris]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

If your dad is that cool.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And, like, there's a lot of rich people. Yeah, there's not a lot of rich people that are that creative, that are like, I want to own an organic vegan farm. And he knows all his staff, and he's like, this is where I make my music. And he's so fucking cool.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. This man works out in leather pants.

[Pete Holmes]

That's. Honestly, part of the tour. Was like, this is the tree where I do my workouts. Like, it was a tree. It was a tree. He's like, just, you know, I FaceTime with my trainer. And I was like, you can't. I couldn't. I couldn't follow that.

[Lamorne Morris]

That's why I do my workouts. But this treat.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, that's the male figure that she had.

[Lamorne Morris]

So what am I gonna provide? What am I gonna provide? You like Equinox? Like, what am I gonna provide for this woman?

[Pete Holmes]

I'm used to guys working out on a tree. It's just the right shape for pushups.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I got a fantastic night's sleep last night. And nuts in large part because I've started using mouth tape. But not just any mouth tape. I've tried other kinds of mouth tape, and they smell like chemicals and they rip your skin when they come off. Our friends at hostage tape have dialed it in perfectly. Why do you want to be putting tape over your mouth before you sleep? Kind of sounds crazy, right? That's what I thought. I thought it would be claustrophobic. I thought it would make it impossible to sleep. It's the opposite. Your brain gets the message immediately. You close the tunnel. It takes the bridge. And now What? You're getting 20% up to 20% more oxygen because you're breathing through your nose like you should be. Don't be a mouth breather. You're also Reducing your risk of sleep apnea. It eliminated snoring for me. It even helps with oral hygiene and bad breath and it makes me sleep so well and so deep and for so long. Boom. Gets it done. How do I know? Well, I feel fantastic when I wake up. Feel like I flooded my body and my brain with oxygen, which I have. And I get those deep, deep good dreams. Which means I'm getting into that REM state. I've tried other brands. Hostage Tape is the one. They are the official breathing aid of the UFC for a reason and they have a special deal you can only get on this show. That's true. Only on the show. Six month supply and trust me, you're going to want six months supply because once you try it you're never going to go back. 99 for a six month supply. That means you save $50 when you go to hostagetape.com we are this is the only place that Hostage tape sells a six month bundle. Go to hostagetape.com weird and sleep better tonight. Get into it. We're also brought to us by our friends. If you're watching the video, this is my Apollo Neuro. It is the one piece of wearable tech, hands down that has changed my life for the better over the past years. It is a technique, it's a technology really that helps your body recover from stress by sending vibrations into your body body that gives your nervous system that's the sensation of being touched or held. So it's like a digital hug on your wrist on demand. And when I'm feeling stressed, when I'm traveling, when I'm freaking out, when I want to slow down or when I want to energize. Focus, calm down, be social, be joyful. There are settings for all of these on your Apollo Neuro. It's hooked up to your phone, you pick how you want to feel and boom. It's almost sub perceptual. You're not going to really notice it unless you really crank it up. But Apollo can help you relax, sleep, focus, be more productive. You can wear it on your wrist or your ankle. It even helps you fall asleep. Which if that was all it did, it would be worth it. The Apollo Neuro is not woo woo. It was not. It was developed by a neuroscientist. It was developed by a neuroscientist and a board certified psychiatrist who have been studying the impacts of chronic stress on humans for nearly 15 years. And Apollo's effects on stress, sleep, cognitive performance and recovery of been proven in multiple clinical Trials and real world studies. You can get 40 bucks off. It's an amazing gift for that friend that's hard to shop for or for yourself. $40 [e-mail] weird. And use promo code weird. That's a P O L L O N E R O.com Weird. We usually talk about the meaning of life. When you won your Emmy, maybe it was meaningless, but you thanked God right off the bat. Any spiritual lingerings, by the way? Maybe you don't know this, but this is a very safe space to talk about whatever your feelings are.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, No, I. I'm Christian. I grew up Christian. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What kind?

[Lamorne Morris]

Non denominational Christian. Me too. Yeah. Word. Yeah, Word. The word.

[Pete Holmes]

The word.

[Lamorne Morris]

Word.

[Pete Holmes]

The podcast is just eating itself in this way. Wow.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. So I grew up south side of Chicago, so I went to the Colonial Village Church of Christ there. But I don't, you know, I gotta say, still Christian, but my understanding of God is a little different now.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And I just feel like I have a different relationship with God. And I'm sure a lot of people say that. And it might not feel Christian, I don't know. But I just feel like I communicate with God all the time. But it's not necessarily in a traditional way where people. I go to church, sit down, pray, do communion, do all those things. I still donate to the church, I still give to the church. Whenever I'm back home in Chicago, I still go. But I don't practice the ritualistic things on a daily basis.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what's funny, dude, is that to me is deeply Christian when you consider what Jesus did. Jesus was always getting in trouble for picking wheat on the Sabbath, not doing the rituals, not praying in public, fucking up the temple, all this stuff. But isn't it weird that it's become this thing where it's like. Well, I don't know if it holds up to the scrutiny of what Christianity is, when really we're talking about the religion built on the back of a wandering sadhu, basically a homeless person. I'm saying that with full respect.

[Lamorne Morris]

An unhoused.

[Pete Holmes]

An unhoused person, Son of man, has no place to lay his head. So we're talking about a wandering guy, like a wandering philosopher, who was the disciple of another wandering philosopher, John the Baptist, who people also thought was insane, meaning people thought both of these dudes were insane. And then it became you telling me that you feel like you have a personal relationship to God, that you have access to the kingdom of heaven inside of you and you're worried that. That sounds unchristian.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

I get it because I grew up in that, too. But how hard have we lost. Lost the narrative that you're like, you know, I love Jesus, but, like, I feel like I'm with God without the rituals, without the kind of the Pharisee stuff.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you're worried that sounds unchristian, which I get, by the way.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. You know, when you grow up traditionally in the. In the Christian. In the Christian church, there's so much to it. You know, I get into conversations all the time with people who are devout Christians. Christians, and they're like, you gotta go to church on Sunday. You gotta go do this. You have to do this. You have to say that. And has to be in this order of operations and has to be like that.

[Pete Holmes]

We used to do that, too. It's like, don't pray to God. You have to pray to Jesus and.

[Lamorne Morris]

Then Jesus will tell God for you.

[Pete Holmes]

And I feel like it's almost like Richard Rohr, my homeboy, he's a Franciscan. I love him to death. He goes. He calls them smells and bells. People. It's people that just love church.

[Lamorne Morris]

They love.

[Pete Holmes]

It's almost like there's no disrespect here. This is my interpretation, by the way, of smells and bells. It's like it's their sports.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like you can't. Well, the manager talks to the owner.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And really, you know, there's more money. They just love it. And I used to love it, too. I was like, the rules.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And the tribe and the identity. And we're non denominational. We're not Catholic.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We're not Methodists.

[Lamorne Morris]

We don't do those things.

[Pete Holmes]

We do full immersion baptism and it's a whole. And when I say it's a hobby, I don't mean it to put it down. I mean, it's a real fun thing.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. I mean, listen, if it were, I look at it like this. If it gives you meaning, your relationship to God is your relationship to God. If you want to go through these steps, great.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And if it's working for you, then even better.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

But it doesn't mean it works for everybody. You know what I mean? Everyone doesn't. I think God is so complex that you can have a different relationship with God. God will meet you where you are.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Lamorne Morris]

You know what I mean? If you. If you're not equipped to do certain things or follow certain guidelines or whatever the case may be, that's between you and God. It has Nothing to do with me. I need you to figure that out for yourself and move through life, which we're all trying to navigate. The best way you know how to move through life.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. Is this. It sounds familiar. I'm wondering, are you, like, when it comes to premarital sex.

[Lamorne Morris]

That's what I'm feeling.

[Pete Holmes]

You defending here.

[Lamorne Morris]

Here's what I'm trying to say, because.

[Pete Holmes]

I relate to that. I just grew up enough in that I remember certain celebrities saying they were Christian and I would be like, but you, like, famously dated that per. I know you're having sex. And, like, that was the deal break.

[Lamorne Morris]

You fingered Rihanna.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, exactly. You bragged about it.

[Lamorne Morris]

It's in your song.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And that was always very confusing to me. And it's just kind of like a nice moment where I'm like, oh, oh. I think Lamorn might be talking about that. Like, that there might still be people in your life that's like, how can you do this, this, and this, and call yourself a Christian?

[Lamorne Morris]

I swear a lot.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Swearing is another one.

[Lamorne Morris]

I have the dirtiest mind and mouth comedically.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

It's just. It's always been. You know, I think this is when it happened, when I realized Bob Saget was a dirty comic.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

I was like, wait, what?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

But he's America's favorite dad.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

How is he on stage talking about butts.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

You know, and so I was like, oh. Then I started thinking to myself, I could. If it's funny, it's funny. I could, you know, maybe I could do it all. And then I would get in trouble for saying certain things. And I would go, but those people are laughing. And I liked it, and I didn't hurt anybody.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

It's like, well, God doesn't want you to do that. I go, he told you that?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, you know, I could talk about this for nine years, but I'm trying to think of a good Jesus quote for you. Like, he said, let the weeds grow with the wheat. That's one of the ones I like. And the way that I interpret that is, I think, speaking for myself. My mom, for example, somebody said. She told me. She goes, my hairdresser said. Or somebody at church said, I saw your son special. I loved it. And I said, what's wrong with you? She can't even understand how somebody would like what I do. She doesn't mean it, by the way. With my mom, I'm kind of like, you don't mean anything that you say. It's kind of a weird thing but she doesn't even understand because I'm talking about sex and I'm swearing, and I'm over here going, like, it's the whole experience. It's the whole human experience. And it's honest and it's artistic and it's beautiful and it's transparent, it's of service, it's gritty and it's dirty and it's messy. And that actually feels very holy to me, even though if. When I was. Was 22, I would have made no sense to me when I was 22.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because it was all about don't smoke, don't drink, don't swear, don't have sex. But that's. You know, I feel like that's cart before the horse stuff. It's like.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, I. I honestly think it's. It's. You are where you're supposed to be in those moments. Yeah. You. You might have had to have been that person at those. At that age. So you can develop some sort of base or foundation.

[Pete Holmes]

That's. That's right.

[Lamorne Morris]

A container. 100%. And then you go from there. And then, you know, I know the parameters in which I will not go.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And that. And that evolves over time.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Lamorne Morris]

You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Lamorne Morris]

There's certain things I don't make fun of.

[Pete Holmes]

You have your boundaries.

[Lamorne Morris]

I have my boundaries. And I think that does come from the strong base in the church. And I think that is the point that it has served in my life, that my mission in life and my goal in life is to make people happy and to treat people with kindness and to try to set people up to succeed on their own. That's always been my goal. It's. It's. I have the most fun doing it. And I think that comes from the church. But some of the more ritualistic things, I go, I don't think I'm useful to you in that manner.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

You know what I mean? I don't think I'm useful to Christianity that way. I.

[Pete Holmes]

Or the world.

[Lamorne Morris]

Or the world.

[Pete Holmes]

Your audience. Yeah, I completely agree. Richard Rohr, again, he has a book. I forget what it's called, but the subtitle is Order, Disorder, Reorder. And that is the. That's the hero's journey. But it's also how our souls are transformed. It's how we're converted.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And a lot of people just stop at order.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's fine. I don't think it's great. But I'm not here to judge. We got the Rules. We got the thing. We're going to stay in the village. But the hero's journey is you leave the village. You go on the journey, you get dirty, things get strange. You forget yourself. There's an all is lost moment. There's the boon, there's the helper. You learn, you're transformed. Then you go back to the village. Yeah, that's the reorder. But you need the disorder.

[Lamorne Morris]

You need it.

[Pete Holmes]

My faith was forged in the fires of my divorce. If I had never got. If my wife had never had an affair and left, I would probably. I don't know. I hope.

[Lamorne Morris]

Is that like a famous. Like another famous thing, but like a public thing that she had an affair?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Holy shit.

[Pete Holmes]

Right?

[Lamorne Morris]

Holy.

[Pete Holmes]

You're going to.

[Lamorne Morris]

You're going to. Chanting table.

[Pete Holmes]

What would. What would Denzel say to my wife? You're going to. You're going to cheat on this, man.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, you going to cheat? You going to walk down that road, huh? Slippery slope, huh? Hope you got on your aqua socks, because it's about to get wet. And I don't mean in the good kind of wet. I mean that kind that you put up your nose. Huh? You like to get wet. That angel dust that's sticky, icky. It's going to get. It's going to get.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't mean good wet like Denzel.

[Lamorne Morris]

Wet like Denzel wet. Not the kind of wet when you get a burrito with the sauce on the outside. I'm not talking about that kind of wet Christmas style.

[Pete Holmes]

I want to do it so bad. You're so good at it. Yeah. So, like, I had that image of God was the guy who's looking out for me, protecting me. Nothing bad would happen to me. There's this great James Finley quote. He goes, I believe in a God who protects me from nothing, but sustains me in everything. Isn't that good? Yeah, because.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, that's.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not a. It's not the mafia. He's not protecting your bakery.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean?

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not saying there is an intervention or some sort of room for miracles or whatever it might be, but I'm saying, like, now I have a faith that can understand and sustain through things not going your way.

[Lamorne Morris]

I had this conversation with my sister today. We were talking about just like career stuff and disappointments in career and figuring out, you know, what you're, you know, what you should be doing and breaking in and doing all those things.

[Pete Holmes]

And she an actor.

[Lamorne Morris]

She's an actor. And we were talking about faith and where, how much of that comes into play. And I said, you won't see me going to church every Sunday and you won't hear me saying out loud like, dear God, what do I do in this moment? Because I already have an understanding. And I'm internally always having those conversations where I'm just like, well, the faith is already there, you know, and the work, the foundation has already been laid. So I know that God is with me. And even when it doesn't feel like it, even in troublesome times, I go, this is a part of the journey. This is. This is it. You know what I mean? And because I've hit rock bottom before. I've, I've slept in my car. I've been, I've couch served. Yeah. I've been amongst my car. That's right. I've had an encounter with the devil level. Yes. And I bounced back. I endured. I got on Dave's private jet and I came right back to realization. Buckle up.

[Pete Holmes]

Hey, man. Hey, man.

[Lamorne Morris]

Get in my jet. So, yeah, so I, So I just tell her. I just told her, I said my confidence in my career and in my abilities, and I'm never in a position. I never feel like, like, I never feel like it's not going to go my way. Even when it doesn't go my way, I go. It wasn't supposed to go my way. You know what I mean? And that, and I do think that comes from the foundation of the church.

[Pete Holmes]

That's funny, because Richard Roy's definition of faith isn't believing in unbelievable things. It's being comfortable and not knowing. And that's what it sounds like you're describing.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't know how it's going to go.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you're okay.

[Lamorne Morris]

It's not my job. I've been given a set of tools to go and try to attempt to continue to make people laugh or entertain folks. And for the time being, that's what I enjoy doing. So I'm just gonna do that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

And be grateful when it's time to be grateful. Even when it's a down season, just be grateful that, you know, I'm still able to provide for my family. Yeah. You know, so, yeah, I just, I just, I just chalk it up to the base.

[Pete Holmes]

That's great. That's great. Beautiful base.

[Lamorne Morris]

Beautiful base. I got the best base. Not deplorables, but good base.

[Pete Holmes]

And dead over. Do you think it's over when we die?

[Lamorne Morris]

Honest now, I don't. I, I. Here's the Crazy thing. I watch a lot of conspiratorial videos.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. The algorithm figured that out. You clicked on the wrong thing. Martin Lawrence got cloned.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, my God. Like, I, I. You know. I do. It's. I want to believe in a heaven and hell. It's just not what. It's just not what I think. It's just not what traditionally people think it is.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

In my opinion. I just. I do think we. I think we die and we don't know we died and we come back as something else and we don't know of our past life.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

That's what I think. Where energy is moving to something else, I think. And now I'm a Chinese boy named Pai Pai over there in Taipei. You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

We sold our movie for $48 million. Vin Diesel. China call back.

[Lamorne Morris]

And now I speak Mandarin. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And all of those past lives, I take it to the next level, are happening simultaneously. So it's not actually a past life. It's just one life. All these expressions, and they're all happening at once. That's how I like to think about it. And if you ever get in guff for that, you should Google. I won't spout them off here, but there's a lot of New Testament references to reincarnation, really. And some of them that were taken out. One of them that does come to mind is they. A boy was born blind, and the disciples asked Jesus, did the boy sin or. Oh, it was something like, did his parents sin or did he sin in a previous life? There's some question like that where it's just kind of assumed, like reincarnation is probably a thing. There's a couple other ones like that.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And. And they say when Jesus says who they say that I am, they go, some say you're John the Baptist. Well, John the Baptist is dead.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So it's like, well, what. What we're talking about. Life re. Recycling itself. Kind of interesting.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. Yeah. Hey.

[Pete Holmes]

Hey, man.

[Lamorne Morris]

Maybe I'm accurate.

[Pete Holmes]

Maybe you're what?

[Lamorne Morris]

Accurate. Am I? Am I? Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Maybe.

[Pete Holmes]

Maybe it's right.

[Lamorne Morris]

Maybe I come back as you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Come back as you.

[Lamorne Morris]

I come back as you. Huh? You want to be me. I want to be you. Huh? And who are we? Huh? Face off, too. That's what we are. I want his face off, dude.

[Pete Holmes]

Face off. But it's a black guy and a white guy, so when the face is on, it's just a different color.

[Lamorne Morris]

The hands are different.

[Pete Holmes]

You just look like the karate kids with like a white ghost face on. That is.

[Lamorne Morris]

Can you imagine? They come from the operation and they look around and he just goes, what about the hands? That's going to be a problem. Go. Ah, go back under.

[Pete Holmes]

Now we need hands off.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, now we need hands off.

[Pete Holmes]

I need you to get your hands off me.

[Lamorne Morris]

Get your hands off me.

[Pete Holmes]

That was good. That was good.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, man.

[Pete Holmes]

Here's the last question to get you out of here. Can you remember the time in your life where you laughed the hardest in your whole life? Maybe you were a kid, maybe somebody fell, maybe somebody farted. Maybe you were in a place you weren't supposed to laugh.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, boy, church. I used to laugh a lot in church. I used to mock the preacher a lot because the preacher, brother Daniel Carter Senior, used to wear his. His. Everything about him coordinated like he was every. Every Sunday. And he was very particular about the. The wristwatch and how it would match his shoes. Remember earlier when I was talking about. Yeah, I was referring to him.

[Pete Holmes]

Callback, callback. And I thought of the Def Jam joke where the dude goes, sentence, sentence, period.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because everything. Yeah, yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Or even John Withers spoons. You had to coordinate. Sometimes you got to coordinate and inside matched this part and that, that's how he was. Very, very stylish guy. And. And he would always, when he would tell people to turn to the text, he would go, ah. If you turn to the text, Matthew five, ah, and five, he would, he would, he would drag it out like that. Wow. And it'd be so engaged. Everybody be so engaged. Because he's such a powerful speaker. But I would be in tears, laughing.

[Pete Holmes]

Of course.

[Lamorne Morris]

I'm like, what's taking him so long to say the scripture? It ain't that hard for scripture.

[Pete Holmes]

He's still saying, I have to say, of all the contributions of black culture to the world at large, the black preacher is underrated.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

John Roy the comic used to have a joke about how white kids talk like black people, but it's only one kind of black guy. It's like the hip hop guy. It's like, you should do black preacher. And he goes, if you want redemption, you should find Jesus. It's his great bit. But I was like, he's not wrong when you're looking at, like, ways to keep people engaged. And changing your. That singing. They made that up.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yes, they made that up.

[Pete Holmes]

You made church interesting.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean? Full respect. But I used to go to a black church in Mattapan occasionally and I was like, what the fuck is happening? I go back to my church in Lexington. Very white, very boring. And I was like, this dude's saying the same message, but everyone's falling asleep.

[Lamorne Morris]

Everyone's falling asleep.

[Pete Holmes]

It was brutal.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. Black preachers, man, they got style.

[Pete Holmes]

They had style, and they knew how to communicate and entertain.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And the music. Don't get me started. I was in a gospel choir. It was one of the coolest things.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, yeah. It was so fun. I had. I remember this one preacher, I think his name was Brother Doolin, out of Dallas, Texas. We used to go to this. This big conference. And I remember this one thing about. He was, like, preaching, going on and on and on and on and on. And then Eddie said, let me wake you up for a second. So he took the Bible and threw it. Everybody was like, what? And he goes, it's just paper. It's just paper. He starts going. Everyone's like, whoa. He goes, it's in here. It's here. It's here. It's just paper. Somebody printed it. And he starts going on and on. I was like, whoa.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, well, look, I don't want to force the synchronicity, but I wrote a couple episodes of the Simpsons, and really, my character was a pastor, and he got in trouble for burning a Bible, and it was because he was making that point.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He's going, it's not here. Don't worship the road sign. Yeah, the road sign's telling you to go. This way is Detroit. He goes, go to Detroit.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He burned the Bible, and that's why he got scandalized. That's why my character. Character gets fired and I go away. But it was making that point. So I had the chills right now. That's what's up. Like, that's. That's the real message right there. Good on him. What was his name, Brother Dooley.

[Lamorne Morris]

Doolin, brother. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Wherever you are, respect.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, dude. I was. I was a kid when it happened. I was like, did he just throw the Bible?

[Pete Holmes]

But, I mean, it was back to what you were saying. It's like, we can't get lost. This is a Ram Dass line. Don't worship the sign that says this way to Detroit. Go to Detroit. It's not about. It's really. Who said it? St. Augustine. Love God and do whatever you want. It's like, if that's what it's about, converting the fundamental. Your fundamental relationship with reality. You could say your relationship with God. And then everything else is just kind of window dressing, including a holy scripture. Including a deity. Including an image of a deity. Because if you can picture it, it's not it.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It transcends all of that 100%. There's a line in the dao where they go, the. The dao, meaning consciousness, awareness. The. The big. The. The word that was with God and was God.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The dow. There's no room for yes or no there. There's a poem where they go, God. God knows everything, but he doesn't know anything about addition or subtraction.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like. It doesn't make sense.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Lamorne being in or out doesn't make sense to the.

[Lamorne Morris]

The fundamental.

[Pete Holmes]

Fundamental.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's what we mean when we say God's love is eternal.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's crazy. Anyway, you got me preaching.

[Lamorne Morris]

It's so wild. We go from Trump, sucking.

[Pete Holmes]

Sucking dick.

[Lamorne Morris]

Sucking dick.

[Pete Holmes]

You can say it.

[Lamorne Morris]

God's love is eternal.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. I say. I've been saying this on stage all the time. I'm like, maybe if I picked one lane, I'd be like 30 times more popular. But you know what, dude? I love where I am. And I. I say it to my audiences all the time. I'm like. I got jizz jokes. I have jokes, literally, about Jesus. Jesus and like, talking about the prodigal son. And I'm like, who are you?

[Lamorne Morris]

That's crazy.

[Pete Holmes]

But those are those. That's like, my tribe. I want, like, people like you. Let's get filthy and let's talk about. Because I don't like that. What I would consider everyone's birthright. The question, who am I? What am I doing here? What is reality? What is the source of reality? Got somehow sequestered with the polite people and the nice people and the sweet people. And in my summation, like, when I was growing up, kind of the phony people. I'm just talking about my own experience. Not everybody.

[Lamorne Morris]

Very similar experience.

[Pete Holmes]

But I was just kind of like, these are the fucking chosen people. You know what I mean? I was like, then you meet the people that, honestly, that Jesus was drawn to. The derelicts, the outcasts. Jesus hung out with tax collectors. You know, that's kind of like the Mafia.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, if you look at history, tax collectors weren't H and R Block. It was dudes that collected on debt.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. 100%.

[Pete Holmes]

That fucked people up. And that's why they were mad that Jesus was. Was eating with them. And with prostitutes, obviously, sex workers, all that sort of stuff.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And we've just lost that. We've lost that narrative.

[Lamorne Morris]

We gotta hang out with sex workers more.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I'm saying.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. And tax collectors.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's go.

[Lamorne Morris]

I'm on my way.

[Pete Holmes]

We're gonna go get some. I've told you on this episode that I am unfaithful. That would be so creepy. I'm not, by the way. That would be such a heartbreaker. I'm not even saying Val would know. I'm joking. I'm saying that for the people. If you have any stock in our relationship. I am joking. Anyway, Lamor, this was awesome, dude.

[Lamorne Morris]

Thank you, man. I appreciate you having me, man.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm so glad you did it. I enjoyed every second. Would you shit on Max Greenfield for never even replying to my emails? Just give him a nice little fuck you, dude.

[Lamorne Morris]

Why can I do it for multiple reasons? Yeah, yeah, fuck you, Max, because you don't reply to Pete's emails. But also, fuck you because you don't respond to my texts either.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I'm sorry. When you look like better looking John Mulaney, you just get to live however you want. Is that it?

[Lamorne Morris]

When you want to the people's sexiest men alive, you get. You get to do whatever you want.

[Pete Holmes]

You look like Peter Parker, but in a universe where every character is better looking. All of mine are about just how I'm attracted to him. You're a better looking Peter Parker.

[Lamorne Morris]

You don't have to six pack. That makes me damp. You. Dude.

[Pete Holmes]

Dude, I got a confusing erection right now. Do this podcast we had, Jake. We got. What if this whole thing was just employed? Get Max.

[Lamorne Morris]

Mine never airs. Just this, by the way.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just kidding. Life is complicated. He'll do it at some point.

[Lamorne Morris]

He will.

[Pete Holmes]

We're gonna make him do it.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. You know, he lives like three blocks from here.

[Pete Holmes]

It's.

[Lamorne Morris]

I pulled up, I said, hey, this.

[Pete Holmes]

Max house right here, we're gonna get Zoe on. Just to. With Max. Yeah, that'll be the one.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. Because she lives furthest out.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's right.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So you go. You do. You go.

[Lamorne Morris]

I probably say I live further.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I saw you there.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, yeah? Oh, yeah, Yeah, I saw you. Are you going to one Christmas party?

[Pete Holmes]

I can't go this year.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah, I don't think I can either.

[Pete Holmes]

Sucks.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry to name drop, but a Zoe Des Chanel Christmas party, It's fantastic.

[Lamorne Morris]

They are not cheap.

[Pete Holmes]

The party.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah. Oh, you mean them as people. They spare. No, there's a lot of good food.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no, no. You get a big box from them. It's not A charging pad.

[Lamorne Morris]

No, it's not.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, it's not. No, no, no. And Vin Diesel, you're not invited.

[Lamorne Morris]

I got a big box once from Zoe for a gift, and it was a piano. Piano for my daughter. It's like a cool little bitty piano for my daughter. I was like, she gives good gifts. She still has it.

[Pete Holmes]

We watched Elf this year and we were like, sweetie, she came to our house, doesn't give a.

[Lamorne Morris]

She's like, she sure does.

[Pete Holmes]

Whatever.

[Lamorne Morris]

That's the hard part about when you watch TV and you go, I want to tell you so bad that I know that person or that cartoon that you like. I know the. I know the woman doing the voice.

[Pete Holmes]

Can I tell you, I. Everyone that knows this podcast has heard this before, but I'm going to tell you as a dad, in a moment of vulnerability, I said to Val, I was like, what if, when Leela is a teenager, I'm not doing anything? What if I dry up and I'm just like a. I was going to say a nothing. Obviously that's not true, but I feel like nothing's going in my life. And Val just goes, you'll be her dad. What are you talking about? Nothing. That's why Leela doesn't give a. Zooey Deschanel is an elf.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You're her dad. Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Right?

[Lamorne Morris]

100%.

[Pete Holmes]

So take that. Keep it in that silky soft camel skin coat. Sandra Sandro.

[Lamorne Morris]

That's right. Sandra.

[Pete Holmes]

John Wick. Kind of. You look like a good guy in John Wick. I don't.

[Lamorne Morris]

Good ones.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't got common face. No, I don't mean common like ordinary. I mean the rapper. Rapper.

[Lamorne Morris]

Common.

[Pete Holmes]

Common sense.

[Lamorne Morris]

Rapper. Sl.

[Pete Holmes]

Actor from Chicago.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, he was there, too, when I was on Shrooms.

[Pete Holmes]

Really? Yeah.

[Lamorne Morris]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Sounds like I should have gone to one of. I. Actually, I hate. I. I'm not going to say I hate things like that, but they're not fun.

[Lamorne Morris]

They. It was fun.

[Pete Holmes]

I bet it was fun. I don't like it.

[Lamorne Morris]

It was fun. You would have loved it.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't. I would have loved it. Oh, man. Thank you, man. Would you say, keep it crispy? It's how we end. You could say it as Denzel, only because it's so joyful, if you want. Okay.

[Lamorne Morris]

I'll say as Denzel. Keep it crispy. Lightly battered.

[Pete Holmes]

Everything I eat is crispy. It's Del.

[Lamorne Morris]

Little lemon zest.

[Pete Holmes]

Put it. Get it on the private jet. Dave Chappelle is there. Dave, Dave loves me.

[Lamorne Morris]

I love Dave. Dave loves me.

[Pete Holmes]

I got dragon energy. Wait, that was Kanye. I confuse. I confuse, like, whoa.

[Lamorne Morris]

What's going on, man?

[Pete Holmes]

You finish that sentence. You confuse.

[Lamorne Morris]

Oh, man. Anyway, keep it zesty. Is that what it was?

[Pete Holmes]

Crispy.

[Lamorne Morris]

Crispy.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I thought you were with me.

[Lamorne Morris]

No, I just literally keep it crispy.

[Pete Holmes]

Thanks, man.

[Lamorne Morris]

Thank you.