You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Mike Birbiglia #4 — November 22, 2023

Episode Overview

In this highly conversational and boisterously funny episode, Pete Holmes welcomes his longtime friend and fellow comedian Mike Birbiglia for their fourth pod sit-down. Recorded in Birbiglia’s New York studio (after a sleepover, no less), the episode is a joyful deep-dive into friendship, comedy process, vulnerability, the nature of dinner parties, obsessions (with death and more), and unfiltered reflections on art, family, personal quirks, and how comedians mine their own weirdness. The episode especially centers on Mike's new special, The Old Man in the Pool, and addresses themes from facing mortality and self-consciousness as performers to dinner-party etiquette and the evolving purpose of sharing "real stuff" onstage.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Sleepover Recap and the "Day Off" Philosophy

• [06:42] Mike kicks off with: "We had a sleepover last night. We should talk about that."
• Both reminisce about their unusual podcast recording logistics, underscoring the intimate, sometimes messy friendship dynamic.
• [07:12] Pete quotes Conan O’Brien: "'Martin Short is a day off.' That’s always my goal—make the host just relax and enjoy."
• [07:40] Mike analogizes healthy marriages to the “day off” dynamic: "Sometimes it’s not that doing the dishes is hard... it’s the act of, like, you show up and they're done. There’s something about... Yeah, you’re a day off."

2. Friendship Dynamics & On-Air Roasting

• [08:48] Pete recounts doing Mike’s podcast while Birbiglia looked “like a medium”—deadpan teasing about how Mike looked exhausted and spent.
• [09:05] Mike: "To give context, PD and I have been friends for a long, long time... maybe 20 years." The warmth is apparent, but so is the competitive, comic edge.
• [13:50] Pete: "That’s the secret [of stand-up]: you go towards the real thing."
• Playful burns, including Pete querying whether anyone checked if Mike was still alive during the last podcast taping.

3. The Comedy Process: Realness vs. Performance

• [13:50] Pete: “You always... and in your work, go towards the real thing. That’s the secret.”
• [37:04] Mike: “One of the most insightful things I’ve heard about comedy: I don’t like watching comics where I can tell they’re not talking about what they’re thinking about.”
• Mutual agreement that the best comedy stems from honest, often obsessive personal truths—Birbiglia’s work on death for his special being a major example.
• [40:29] Mike: “Everybody knows everybody’s stuff. Just look around. You kind of know everybody’s stuff.”

4. Dinner Party Social Dynamics: The Magic Number

• Animated analysis of how intimacy shifts as guest count enters “over the limit” at a dinner.
• [29:32] Mike: "Five people, it's civil... seven, now you're at WWE. You're watching different constellations of three momentarily take the focus."
• The perils of conversation “lulls” and the challenge of feeling heard in larger groups—likened to improv jams and standup sets.

5. Comedy Bits, Impressions, and the Creative Well

• Pete and Mike trade Bill Burr, Nick Kroll, and Mulaney impressions, reflect on how bits are born in conversation.
• [41:00] Pete: “I know you’re thinking about dicks and puss constantly. Everybody’s like at a steakhouse and bodies are segmented like filet...”
• [55:41] Mike notes how natural comedy arises: "When I first met Mulaney, half the things he says I go: 'Do you have that in the act?' ... he's unaware of how funny he is all the time. It's like the sink is leaking. Comedy."

6. Death, Obsession, and The Old Man in the Pool

• [35:10] Pete (steering to death): "Let me... steer it... to Old Man in the Pool... It's about death."
• [36:31] Pete (on Mike's show): "Do you think a lot about death?"
• [36:55] Mike: "I think standup is best when you're discussing obsession... I'm obsessed."
• Discuss how honesty about difficult, even uncomfortable topics is what draws crowds in—Mike notes the people most affected by loss are the ones that most need comic relief on death.
• The audience’s hunger/desire for comics to address important, taboo, or scary topics explicitly.

7. Personal Growth, Religion, and Spirituality

• Pete reflects on his shifting conceptions of God and the comic’s responsibility to honestly interrogate topics like belief, meaning, and consciousness.
• [50:41] Pete: “My God is love. And I really miss the old one... My God won’t talk shit... it’s a snooze. I miss the God that was dramatic.”
• [51:57] Mike (on the paranormal): "Do I believe in ghosts? Loch Ness monster? Sure. I don't know. If five people say they saw a 100-foot monster, I wouldn't go, 'No you didn't.' I'd go, 'Tell me more.'"
• Both hosts note the essential humility, openness, and sense of wonder that grounds their work and personal philosophies.

8. Family, Vulnerability, and Breaking Patterns

• Mike discusses The New One, his special/book about fatherhood, ambivalence, and collaborating with his wife Jen Birbiglia (who expresses herself through poetry intertwined with the comedy):
  • "I never wanted to have a child and all the reasons I never want[ed] to have a child and how I was right, and then how I was wrong..." [59:16]
  • Their daughter Una can’t comprehend she was ever unwanted because her parents are so doting in the now—a testament to how patterns can be broken.
• Importance of calling out family narratives, mythologies, and hidden family “scripts.”

9. Art as Catharsis: Why We Love Horror, Mortality, and the Absurd

• The function of horror movies and dark comedy as ritual, societal therapy:
  • [65:14] Mike: Tells a story of drunkenly asking Darren Aronofsky why the protagonist of The Wrestler must die: "He dies so the audience can experience it but not have to live it."
  • Pete: “We want a third-person death”—audiences crave safe access to deep anxieties.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• [07:40] Mike: "I think marriage is like that in the sense that it’s not that doing the dishes is hard. It’s... you show up and they’re done. There’s something about... Yeah, you’re a day off."
• [13:50] Pete: “You always... and in your work, go towards the real thing. That’s the secret. And I know we’ve said this every time we talk, but... what is the secret?”
• [29:32] Mike: “Five people, it's civil... seven, now you're at WWE.”
• [37:04] Mike: “I don’t like watching comics where I can tell they’re not talking about what they’re thinking about.”
• [40:29] Mike: "Everybody knows everybody's stuff. Just look around. You kind of know everybody's stuff."
• [50:41] Pete: "My God is love. And I really miss the old one. My God is so loving... my God won't talk shit... it's a snooze. I miss the God that was dramatic."
• [63:47] Pete: "I have dreams that I'm fighting my dad a lot... and I wake up and I feel that, like what's going on? Then I watch a movie that gets into that muck and I go, thank you. Thank you."
• [65:14] Mike (quoting Aronofsky): "He dies so the audience can experience it but not have to live it precisely."
• [67:31] Pete: "Every night I die, every morning I'm reborn."
• [73:34] Mike: (On Pete's classic closing) "Say, 'keep it crispy.'"

Important Timestamps

• 06:42 — Mike opens on the recent sleepover; friendship dynamics set the tone
• 08:48 — Pete teases Mike’s “deathly” appearance during podcast recording
• 13:50 — Insight on honesty in comedy, “the real thing”
• 29:32 — "Magic number" for dinner parties, detailed riff on social dynamics
• 35:10 — Pete transitions to discuss “Old Man in the Pool” and death themes
• 37:04 — Mike’s “tell the truth on stage” philosophy
• 50:41 — Pete’s bit on God, love, and spiritual evolution
• 65:14 — Mike’s anecdote about Darren Aronofsky on mortality in The Wrestler
• 73:44 — The “keep it crispy” ritual and Birbiglia’s hardest laughs

Closing Notes

Throughout, the episode is filled with affectionate digs, “inside baseball” comedy talk, and a tension between Pete’s exuberant tangents and Mike’s understated wit. The conversation ebbs with rare vulnerability—whether about avoidance of death, yearning for attention, parental regrets, or the ways comics see through one another’s acts. Hilarious impressions, running bits, and recurring themes about authenticity, mortality, and childhood trauma are all on display, balanced between earnest reflection and relentless riffing.

Final Moments (73:44):

• Pete: “What’s a time in your life you laughed harder than any other?”
• Mike: “When I’m home with my family over Christmas... telling stories about when we were kids and everyone just laughing and laughing.”

Shared sign-off:

Pete: "Would you say, keep it crispy?"
Mike: (Broken up by laughter) "Keep it crispy."

Recommended for:
Fans of confessional comedy, anyone curious about the creative process, those who love hearing comics in full “hang” mode, and anyone interested in how performers balance personal pain, joy, art, and absurdity in their lives and work.