You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes Guest: Ms. Pat Episode Date: March 22, 2023

Episode Overview

In this candid and hilariously insightful episode, Pete Holmes sits down with the irrepressible comedian, actor, and author Ms. Pat. Together, they delve into her extraordinary journey—covering her life in Atlanta and Indiana, her experiences with poverty, crime, family upheaval, foster parenting, building her own house, and transforming her struggles into comedy gold. Ms. Pat’s sharp wit and unfiltered honesty illuminate serious topics while keeping the laughs coming, offering listeners a powerful, funny, and memorable conversation.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Ms. Pat on Atlanta, Indiana, and Segregation

• Atlanta’s Character: Ms. Pat describes Atlanta with “lemon pepper wings, sweet tea, soul food,” and highlights its vibrant, mixed communities compared to the stark segregation she observed in Indiana.
  • Quote [04:12]: “Lemon pepper wings, sweet tea...Soul food.” – Ms. Pat
• Segregation in Indiana and Chicago: She breaks down how neighborhoods are divided by wealth and race in Indiana (“mixed race couples go to Fishers; Plainfield is middle class; Geist is for the super rich; Indianapolis is just for po'…for black” [05:26]) and shares her feeling of unease performing in segregated Chicago.
  • Quote [06:57]: “If you get a bullet, you want to make sure it was for you.” – Pete Holmes

2. Building Her Own House & Podcast Studio

• Ms. Pat discusses buying seven acres in rural Georgia, DIY’ing her home and podcast studio, acting as her own contractor to avoid unnecessary costs—even when the process is slower and more stressful.
  • Quote [08:43]: “I was so excited…there was things that I left out. So when the house started to get built, I was like, ‘no, I need another set of stairs. No, I need an elevator.’” – Ms. Pat

3. Adopting Her Niece's Children

• She vividly recalls how she took custody of her niece’s children due to her niece’s drug addiction, after initially only intending to help temporarily. Ms. Pat shares her conflicted feelings—loving the kids but being brutally honest about not wanting to start over as a parent.
  • Quote [15:28]: “I didn’t fucking want them kids. And I tell people all the time. I love them, but I didn't want them. But they…mama, it’s honest.” – Ms. Pat
  • Quote [13:49]: “A voice whispered in my ear and said, ‘keep them. And I got you.’ And my whole life changed.” – Ms. Pat [14:00]

4. Hardships, Crime, and Hustle

• Ms. Pat shares matter-of-factly her history with poverty-driven crime, from burglary with her brother to selling crack cocaine, underlining the desperation that led her down those paths.
  • Quotes:
    • “You go to work, we kick your dough in.” – Ms. Pat [28:16]
    • “My uncle Peanut taught my brother how to pick locks.” – Ms. Pat [29:46]
• She humorously describes bootlegging and the “Peanuts comic lottery" system—using magnifying glasses to look for lucky numbers in the Peanuts comic strip.
  • Quote [31:20]: “Get a magnifying glass and look in the comic strip… That’s how they used to get their lottery numbers back in the day.” – Ms. Pat

5. Prison, Perspective on Justice, and ‘Prison Gay’

• Ms. Pat gives an unvarnished account of being imprisoned as a teen for selling drugs, disputing TV tropes about constant violence but emphasizing the need to stand up for oneself (“You have to defend yourself” [44:27]) and describing the prevalence of same-sex relationships out of boredom—what she calls being “prison gay.”
• She points out that people often complain about their conditions, forgetting responsibility: "You wouldn't be in this situation if you didn't commit a crime." [36:43]
• The conversation includes wild stories of prison life: fighting over respect, witnessing unique characters (like the infamous three-nippled hermaphrodite), and what she learned about human nature in confinement.
  • Quote [41:50]: “It was just a bunch of lesbian stuff… I couldn't understand… there ain't nothing else in here to do. Well, I don’t want to buy it.” – Ms. Pat

6. Survival, Comedy, and Breakthroughs

• Ms. Pat remembers the chaos of raising multiple sets of children, working night shifts, and struggling to keep things afloat—"Fat people don’t tie their shoes. That’s why they buy slip-ons." [50:22]
• She recounts her first standup open mic ("the first joke I ever told, which my brother was a professional cat burglar" [27:01]) and how podcasts (Marin, Rogan) led directly to her book deal and TV show offers.
  • Quote [60:45]: “I did Marc Maron podcast, and right after that I did Rogan…Hollywood started…‘I want to give you a book.’” – Ms. Pat

7. The Ms. Pat Show: Path to TV

• The show's bumpy five-year development: pilot at Hulu (passed), then BET+ picked it up, which she credits to her resilience and expectation of being let down. She insists on the authenticity and rawness of the show, avoiding bow-wrapped endings and tackling difficult issues head-on.
  • Quote [62:01]: “I come from a background where I'm conditioned to hear no. When you say yes, that's when I…like, what the f** you say!”* – Ms. Pat

8. Crack vs. Cocaine & Systemic Racism

• In a candid and satirical segment, Ms. Pat explains the difference between crack and powder cocaine, how sentencing laws are an example of systemic racism, and the targeting of Black communities.
  • Quote [68:08]: “The black father was never removed from the household until crack hit the black community…As soon as crack hit…the homes…destroyed.” – Ms. Pat

9. Humor as Healing & Social Commentary

• Ms. Pat and Pete examine using comedy to provoke discussion about deep social issues—racism, policing, nonbinary identity, and cross-cultural understanding—making clear the Ms. Pat Show isn’t just “teaching moments for white people” but honest conversations for everyone.
  • Quote [72:22]: “Miss Pat Show is not a teaching moment for white people. It's a teaching moment for all of us.” – Ms. Pat

10. Belief in God and Reincarnation

• Ms. Pat discusses her spirituality: skeptical of traditional religion but believes there’s “something bigger than us” and thinks souls are “recycled.” [75:53]
  • Quote [75:53]: “I think all of us is…I think we're recycled.” – Ms. Pat

11. The Funniest Thing: Her Mother, a Cab, and a Police Wheelie

• Ms. Pat shares a story about her mother, who had one leg, refusing to pay a cab driver after making him wait at the bank all day for her Social Security check. The police are called, and Ms. Pat’s mother dramatically consents to pay when the officer tips her wheelchair back for an easy arrest.
  • Quote [81:19]: “He tilt that chair back, and boy, about to take her to that police car. She pulled that money away from up under that fake sock, that leg with that sock on it so quick. I hollered!” – Ms. Pat

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Taking in Her Niece’s Kids [14:00]
  • “A voice whispered in my ear and said, keep them. And I got you. And my whole life changed.” – Ms. Pat
• On Honest Parenting [15:28]
  • “I didn’t fucking want them kids. And I tell people all the time—I love them, but I didn’t want them. But it’s honest.” – Ms. Pat
• On Cooking Crack [65:41]
  • “You cook your own crack?…Well, I cooked.” – Ms. Pat
  • “Crack gave the black community something the poor black people wasn’t used to, which was money…Then came the killing. It was all set up.” – Ms. Pat [67:50]
• Dark Social Commentary [72:33]
  • “Black people don’t buy lottery tickets. They just wait on the police to shoot your child, and then maybe you get an $8 million settlement. Then taxes.” – Ms. Pat
• On Facing Rejection & Resilience [62:01]
  • “I come from a background where I'm conditioned to hear no. When you say yeah, that's when I…like what the fuck you say!” – Ms. Pat
• On Humor Bridging Divides [72:22]
  • “Miss Pat Show is not a teaching moment for white people. It's a teaching moment for all of us.” – Ms. Pat

Important Segment Timestamps

• Atlanta Segregation & Identity: 04:12–06:17
• Adopting Family, Angelic Voice: 11:09–15:28
• Comedic Origin Story: 25:37–27:58
• Crime, Survival, Bootlegging: 28:00–32:21
• Prison Life & Fight Stories: 36:11–46:45
• Building the Ms. Pat Show: 60:25–64:38
• Crack, Cocaine, & Systemic Racism: 65:05–68:54
• Southwest Flight Bit: 71:55–72:27
• Ms. Pat’s Belief in Reincarnation: 75:19–76:56
• Funniest Story (Cab & Police Wheelie): 79:33–81:45

Tone and Style

The conversation bounces between raw, heartfelt, and gut-bustingly funny. Ms. Pat keeps it unfiltered and brutally honest, often riffing with Pete on both light and dark subjects, sparing no one—including herself—from her sharp wit. Pete Holmes matches her candor with warmth and curiosity, drawing out stories and lessons without shying away from deep or uncomfortable topics.

Conclusion

This episode is a roller coaster of comedic storytelling and real-life resilience, as Ms. Pat’s humor and authenticity reveal both the pain and the joy in her path from poverty and imprisonment to show business success. Listeners come away entertained, moved, and reminded that laughter—and truth-telling—can be the greatest tools for survival and change.