Nate Craig Returns

Summary

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You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Episode: Nate Craig Returns

Date: August 23, 2023
Guests: Pete Holmes (Host), Nate Craig (Guest)

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Main Theme & Overview

In this episode, Pete Holmes welcomes comedian Nate Craig back for a wide-ranging, hilarious, and introspective conversation. They dive deep into the craft of stand-up comedy, personal growth, relationships, mental health, and the idiosyncrasies of being a comedian — all in the show’s signature blend of warmth, vulnerability, and absurdity. Fans get a behind-the-scenes look at Nate’s new special Live at the Green Mill, candid talk about the weirdness of comedians, honest self-reflection, and plenty of digressive bits, classic "weird" humor, and memorable personal stories.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Crafting Stand-Up Comedy & Nate’s New Special

• Pete praises Nate’s special for its fearlessness, craftsmanship, and musicality, emphasizing how rare it is for comedians to weave themes and callbacks so seamlessly (07:04).
  • Quote: "You didn't bring up a premise without taking it somewhere worth bothering us with." (08:17, Pete)
• Timeliness and crowd work: Nate talks about building a special that truly reflects post-pandemic experiences, and keeping it fresh with crowd work elements.
• Insight: Both discuss how seasoned comedians (often in their 40s) tend to naturally start building to something more meaningful onstage, imbuing their comedy with urgency, vulnerability, and intent (12:19).

2. The Vulnerability and Sensitivity of Comics

• On listening and sensitivity: Pete and Nate agree that the best comics are those who really listen and tune into the energy and nuance of the room, with Rory Scoville and Marc Maron offered as prime, supersensitive examples (15:46).
  • Quote: "There's a spectrum of how sensitive comedians are, and I tend to like the more sensitive ones." (15:46, Pete)
• Emotional drive: There's a running theme about anger being sadness in disguise, and how a lot of performance comes from a place of longing to be understood — often rooted in childhood or family dynamics (16:31).
  • Quote: "Anger is sadness in disguise. … Weeping anger is the colorful candy shell on the M&M of sadness." (16:30, Pete)

3. Relationships & the Comic's Compulsion

• Nate reflects on his marriage: He shares the full story of meeting his wife at a yoga class, wooing her post-breakup, and how their partnership brings new stability and joy to his life (26:03–29:01).
• The complexity of being married to a comic: Both Nate and Pete admit that, in their marriages, they’re often "the ball and chain," the more complicated, shadowy counterpart to their generally sunnier spouses (35:48).
  • Quote: "I'm the ball and chain. ... She's the sunlight, and I'm the shadow." (35:48, Pete)
• Acknowledgment of emotional compulsion: Both recognize the compulsive, even addictive, element in becoming a comedian, driven by a need to be noticed or validated in ways that weren’t always met in childhood (32:37).

4. The Self-Perception of Comics

• On feeling ‘dumb’ in traditional settings: Both discuss how traditional school or job settings made them feel dumb or mislabeled, but comedy became their domain to thrive and feel smart (39:44).
  • Quote: "Sometimes you got to learn the hard way, which is working so hard towards something you want so badly and then realizing, like ... all the wrong places, dude." (40:59, Nate)

5. Road Rage, Apologies, and Societal Rules

• Humorous take on road rage: The pair breakdown the etiquette of road rage (63:03), the lack of a universal “I’m sorry” hand gesture, and riff about high-stakes apology scenarios.

6. Substance Use—Wine, Coffee, Nicotine, and Moderation

• The pleasures and rationalizations of wine: Nate explains how important wine is to his and his wife’s enjoyment of life and food, joking that he’d have to stop eating red meat if he couldn’t have wine with it (83:33).
  • Quote: "If I ever stop drinking wine, I'm gonna stop eating red meat as well. … I think it's disrespectful to the animal." (83:33, Nate)
• Addiction vs. enjoyment: Pete gets candid about his own relationship with addictive substances like coffee and nicotine gum, and the fine line between appreciation and compulsion (88:12–91:52).
  • Quote: "What's the difference between being addicted to something and something just being incredible?" (90:48, Pete)

7. Getting Older, Emotional Intelligence, and Letting Go

• Anger as an easy, 'empowering' emotion: Both talk about growing out of constantly indulging in anger, instead recognizing it as an unhealthy, reactive default and learning to let it pass (61:03).
• Developing loving-kindness: Nate shares his yoga mantra — "strength, symmetry, clarity, forgiveness" — and how he’s started including even people who annoy him in his loving intentions (77:48–79:11).
  • Quote: “Treating them exactly like people that I love. … That’s pretty humbling.” (78:57, Nate)

8. Memorable Moments & Comic Anecdotes

• Nate shares a hilarious moment involving a friend sleepwalking, peeing into a succulent, and a neighbor playing trumpet at a party (102:00–106:45).
  • Quote: "He pissed like nobody was watching. … We were all falling out of our chairs." (104:07, Nate)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On comedy craft:

  • "You did this thing that's very topical, very fearless." (07:16, Pete)
  • "Your set is listening to itself. … It comes back, it's on a tone." (10:17, Pete)

• On the comedian's psyche:

  • "There's an urgency to it, and I felt that here." (13:02, Pete)
  • "It's a strange combination: intense insecurity and also a pretty clean confidence in yourself." (32:38, Nate)

• On societal rules, the self, and relationships:

  • "I probably complicate things a little bit more than she does." (36:21, Nate)
  • "In other situations that I’m able to produce and construct for myself, I turn out to be very smart. … That’s the cure for dumb." (40:08, Nate & Pete)

• On moderation and pleasure:

  • "It's easier with coffee … My last thought of the day is, pretty excited for tomorrow's coffee." (91:42, Pete)
  • "I feel like I know where the line is and that's healthy for you." (92:34, Nate)

• On letting go of anger:

  • "As I've gotten older, I get really good at stopping it … That’s your comfort zone, you know how to do that, it empowers you." (60:51–61:00, Nate)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [07:04] – Pete analyzes Nate's special and the virtues of classic comedy structure
• [14:03] – The mental multitasking and challenges of performing stand-up
• [15:46] – Sensitivity and "listening" to a live audience
• [16:31] – Anger as disguised sadness, comedians as exposed nerves
• [26:03]–[29:01] – Nate tells story of meeting and courting his wife
• [32:37] – Both discuss compulsive need for validation and comedy as identity
• [35:48] – On being the “ball and chain” in a relationship
• [39:44] – Self-perception: feeling ‘dumb’ in the system, finding one’s strengths
• [61:03] – Anger as an easy emotion; learning to regulate it with age
• [77:48]–[79:11] – Nate’s yoga mantra and learning loving-kindness
• [83:33]–[84:55] – On wine, ritual, and making pleasure special
• [88:12]–[91:52] – Nicotine, coffee, moderation, and addictive pleasures
• [102:00]–[106:45] – Mushroom party, sleepwalking piss story, trumpet anecdote

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Tone & Notable Banter

• Playful, digressive, and self-deprecating with a high level of mutual respect and warmth.
• Hilarious, extended riffs on old SNL sketches, Crystal Pepsi, aging, and road rage etiquette.
• Recurrent themes of vulnerability, earnestness, and willingness to dissect awkward or uncomfortable personal truths.
• “Keep it crispy” banter and repeated call-backs to the unique “weirdness” of comedians.

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Closing Thoughts

This episode offers a classic You Made It Weird experience: a blend of serious introspection and comic absurdity. Pete and Nate are especially open about the inner wiring of the comedian’s mind, the difference between pursuing pleasure and feeding compulsion, and the bittersweet hilarity of failing, aging, loving, and striving for meaning as weirdos in a very weird world.

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Listen to Nate Craig’s special Live at the Green Mill on YouTube.

Catch him on tour in a city near you.

“Keep it crispy.”

Transcript

[A]

You made it weird.

[B]

You made it weird.

[A]

You made it weird.

[B]

Oh, yeah. You made it weird. Yes, you did. You made it weird with Pete Holmes. What's happening, weirdos? This is the return of Nate Craig. Nate Craig is a hilarious and wonderful man and I enjoy chatting with him every time I get the chance. I'm so glad to share this conversation with you. He has a special love Live at the Green Mill. It's available free on YouTube right now, so check that out. I enjoyed every moment of it Live at the Green Mill. And if you'd like to see me me enough about Nate now. We'll get to the conversation with Nate real quick. I do Want to plug September 2nd is my next Largo show. Go to largo-la.com those are always the highlight of my month. We're gonna have some really great guests this month as well. I'm doing all this new material also. You can see me. Denver sold out. Thank you to everybody that got tickets to Denver. They tell me that St. Louis is sort of dragging. So if you know 500 people in St. Louis, tell them. September 7th, 8th and 9th, I'll be at Helium Comedy Club in St. Louis and get [e-mail] after that is Raleigh, North Carolina, and then Salt Lake City, Utah. These are going to be great shows. Hope you can be there. Check it out. I'm so happy with the new material and and this is kind of your last chance to see me do some of the old material which won't be old to you. That'll be on the special on Netflix that'll be out at the end of October. I also want to mention that we only do ads for things that I actually use and actually love. And the perfect jean is the perfect example. The perfect jean is essentially the only pair of pants I wear because they have so many cuts and colors and their fabric is incredible. Stretchy, comfortable. But it looks good enough to wear on my Netflix special. I'm wearing perfect jeans. I wear them to movie premieres, fancy Hollywood gatherings. They look designer. They feel designer. They're made with really, really high end sewing techniques, quality craftsmanship. But here's the best thing. 2% spandex, 2.5% rayon for a sneaky amount of extra comfort that no one needs to know about. So your man parts aren't crushed. That's right. These jeans stretch. But no one needs to know. I love a soft pan. I don't know why we haven't all switched over to the perfect gene. I literally have seven or eight pairs of them. I have them in khaki. I have them in dark blue. I have them in black. I have them in athletic. I have them in slim. They're awesome. You got to try them out. Maximum durability. I never have to replace them. They last for light years. Well, I can't say light years. They last a really, really long time. In my personal experience, they are the most durable jeans I've ever owned and. And the most comfortable and the best looking jeans I've ever owned. And they're so comfortable, they're like PJ pants. You could sleep in them. Perfect for road trips. Perfect for being on stage. Perfect for if you just want to do squats in the middle of the day. And best of all, they're not khakis. Fuck khakis. Wear perfect Jean khakis, which are some of my favorite ones. They're jeans colored like khakis, and they spare your nuts. The perfect gene for the perfectly imperfect men. 20% off when you use Code Weirdo at checkout. Liberate your lower limbs with the one and only perfect gene. Whether you're working with lemons or lentils, a three leaf clover, or a big old honkin eggplant, the perfect gene has you covered. Take a peek at www.theperfectgene NYC. That's ThePerfect. J, E A N Y C. Use code weirdo for 20% off at checkout. Support yout Body, Look Good, Feel good, and support the show. It means a lot. All right, everybody. Hope to see you in St. Louis, please, and hope to see you in Utah and North Carolina after that. And hope to see you at Largo as well on September 2nd. In the meantime, enjoy Nate Craig and be sure to check out Live at the Green mill. Available on YouTube. Now. Get into it. Yeah, you. Can you drink it, baby? Are you excited?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Give it a good shake.

[A]

Magic mind.

[B]

Give it a good shake.

[A]

Fucking cult leader.

[B]

I am a cult leader.

[A]

All right, here we go. What's this gonna do?

[B]

Oh, my. We call it the Reckoning. You didn't shake it enough. There's still jizz on the bottom.

[A]

I shook it. Oh, there is jizz. There's so much jizz down there.

[B]

You got a good amount, but I could tell how much you shook it. That's. That's. Now this is another sponsor, Cucumber lime. This is the Jizz Washer Nirvana water. It's gonna taste a little strange now we're mixing pizza pigs.

[A]

Has anybody ever done this before?

[B]

No, and I don't know if I Even recommend it. Well, just know that that's flavored because some guests have drank that and been.

[A]

Like, whoa, spit take.

[B]

And I did. Not a true spitty. But I'll say this. So when I did Hot Ones, I wanted to bail.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I just was having. No, I will say this is before Hot Ones became like a bad combo. Not a bad combo.

[A]

Magic mind. Nabc, Wash Married up.

[B]

Nabc. Not a bad combo. I'm so happy to see you. None of these stories need to be told. No. All I'm gonna say is I wanted to bail on Hot Ones. I was doing too much press. It was during HBO's Crashers and I just was like, just get me out of it. And they were like, I think you should do it. And I'm just. Sometimes I'm really grateful for that voice that will push me into that direction, away from my own bailiness, because I did it and it was super fun. And then that show is super, super popular and I'm kind of like, I almost walked away from that. That was dumb.

[A]

Steph Curry just did Hot Ones.

[B]

I mean, that's what I'm saying.

[A]

It's massive.

[B]

Old Homes. He couldn't do Hot Ones now. Slipped in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Old Homes. He slipped in when the getting was good. Before it was Matt Damon getting a walk on from Al Pacino being like, who's eating wings? You know, just like now it's like intense. They have like SNL style walk on.

[A]

What's it going to take for you all to name a wing after me?

[B]

I better do it anyway. I'm so happy to see you.

[A]

You too, bud. It's been face to face. What?

[B]

FTF years. Ftf.

[A]

Ftf. It's been pp. Pretty pre pandemic.

[B]

Oh, pre pan.

[A]

Yeah, pre pan.

[B]

I think pre plan.

[A]

Maybe I've seen you since then. It's been a. The. The. Since the. Since the shutdown ended, it's been a real blur of like, what are we. What are we doing? How. And how. How. How hard are we pressing to see folks? See folks. Get out there, you know, like, it's. See, folks, it's been a lot more.

[B]

I love your voice.

[A]

It's been.

[B]

I do. I should say this up top. I ripped through your whole special and I love it. Oh, dude, it's a real work of art.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Dude, it's really, really good and it's really fresh. It's not like Nate Craig did a special that happened to be when the pandemic was ending or whatever. Whenever it was released, it's all this stuff that was clearly written about what we had all just been through.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I was scrapping bits.

[B]

No, that's not what I'm saying.

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

I'm saying, like, you didn't go like, oh, the pandemic's crazy. So's hot mustard. And, like, move into your hot mustard chunk.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You did this thing that's very timely, very topical, very fearless. And, like, you have. I thought about this. It's weird that I thought about this compliment, but you reminded me of what I love about Chicago comedians in particular. You go silly, you get verbose, you use a lot of funny language. Toot sweet comes to mind.

[A]

I do.

[B]

Not a spoiler. Toot sweet and you play. But there's a theme. You're doing, like, your special does what I'm gonna sound like an old person, but, like, not a lot of people are doing anymore, which is, like, there's, like, themes and there's reprieves. It's musical. It comes back. It's on a tone. And your voice is not like anyone else's voice. And you're having fun, and you're calm. Very hard to do on a special taping. Very hard to do. It's very hard to do. It's hard to do.

[A]

You love calm.

[B]

You gotta stay calm. Nate's up there. He's excited to do the bits. Two bits becomes a chunk. Two chunk becomes a set.

[A]

Oh, my God. I finally. I. Anyway, thank you, buddy. I really appreciate it. But to keep it current, I did do it. There is crowd work in there for the cats. What do you mean? Just.

[B]

That's what they like.

[A]

Well, I was just trying in my head when you were like that people don't do anymore, you know, and there's so much stand up that, like, you.

[B]

Know, I just meant there's less I get for the. The craftsmanship. People are crafting different kinds of the.

[A]

Arc of the 50, 60 minutes.

[B]

I. It just reminds me of, you know, a lot of scandalized comedians like Bill Cosby, Louis.

[A]

I care about that shit. Yeah, the. The Herald approach to, like, you know, like.

[B]

But it's effortless. You're doing it so cool. You look really cool. Meaning. I just appreciate how calm you were. It's not a. It's not a punched up, jacked up. Like, you're kind of doing it real. It's very. And that's very Chicago to me. But, like, you don't bring up. This is my favorite compliment. It's what I'm going for. You don't Bring up a premise without taking it somewhere that was worth bothering us with, trying to think of what glamping is or, you know, you bring up a more broad.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

No, I mean, like, I find that a lot of times the thing that I don't like about comedians is they bring up a topic, and then they don't take you anywhere. And then you're like, well, what was all that mental effort? Literally, I feel exhausted by it. That you made me imagine you in your kitchen with an open robe, and you're getting milk, and then you're like, and now I'm in Montana getting a haircut.

[A]

And I'm like, you didn't change.

[B]

You didn't change, and you didn't finish.

[A]

You didn't change your what? Go back to the kitchen.

[B]

What was the point?

[A]

There was something in the kitchen.

[B]

I need meandering. Bullshit. I have.

[A]

I can do myself. Yes.

[B]

I can call a family.

[A]

I can forget my own thoughts, call an old friend.

[B]

I don't call the funny friend in high school. He's got lots of stories like that.

[A]

I got a whole list of people who can make me forget where we're at.

[B]

That's right. And bring it nowhere and pay it off never. And, like, you do an interesting. Sorry for all these compliments, but keep going. It' you do something that I.

[A]

That's what I'm here for.

[B]

When I say reprieve, you know, like, it's like paying homage to where we were. Meaning it's not a callback. You're not just going, like. That's why we call him Big Dick McGee. And like, 10 minutes earlier, you did this forced bit about Big Dick McGee just to pay it back. You're not doing that. The set is listening to itself. So, of course, organically, like, that would come back, and this would come back, and this would come back.

[A]

Well, clearly, I made the special for Up. I really appreciate it all.

[B]

Well, how long has it been out?

[A]

We just. It dropped, what, June 1st or right after Memorial Day? So right about there, and it's. I mean, but we shot it. We shot it last year.

[B]

You still watch a Nate Craig special after Memorial Day?

[A]

Dude, dude, faux pas. Big, big time.

[B]

Big time. Big time.

[A]

Don't mention that to anybody.

[B]

Don't tell people you're watching. It's great special. It's a great special.

[A]

You got to watch it.

[B]

Nate's up there. He's defending the white. He's defending us.

[A]

We love Nate. We love the whites.

[B]

We love Nate, and we love his take on the whites.

[A]

We love talking about the whites. They deserve to be talked about.

[B]

I did enjoy that you mentioned the whites, but you. It is. And let's stop talking about it. But, like, it is fearless, and you do have takes, and there's moments. I could see why Bill Burr produced it. There's, like, a quality to it that's unafraid and fun that reminds me of Neil Brennan. It's like, I'm gonna bring up a thing, and I'm gonna say something not to just be crazy.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I mean, that's. I think, you know, and thank you. And not to agree with you 100% about my own work, but, like, go ahead. But, like, we mentioned Neil and, like. And, like, that is such a great special. And there are.

[B]

Yeah. Blocks is one of those ones where you're like, I can't wait to hear what he's gonna say.

[A]

Oh, my God. Did you watch Dionne Cole's new, latest special?

[B]

No.

[A]

We talked about his mom passing away and stuff, and it's like, after, like, a full hour of, like, incredible jokes, and it's like. Yeah. Nowadays, like, I. I don't. It's. It's either.

[B]

Or.

[A]

You're either doing, like, you know, absolutely instantly, you know, destroy this message after watching kind of crowd work, or you're watching somebody who's, like, been doing it long enough to be like, well, I gotta. I. This thought's got to go somewhere. Yeah. Or I'm. Or I'm no longer, you know, 46.

[B]

See, I think that's it. Yeah, I think that's it. I think Dion's in his 40s.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Neil's in his 40s. You're in his 40s. Not to. Not to say everybody gets better in their 40s, but I think. And not everybody who's good is in their 40s. But I'm saying, for me, what you just said, now, I do stand up, and I'm building to something that I really want to say. And you really know yourself, and you have something that you want to communicate. There's an urgency to it, and I felt that here.

[A]

I love it. That means everything. Thank you, Pete.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dude. As I've. I've been having more fun, period. You know, we've known each other since damn near the beginning.

[B]

Isn't that wild?

[A]

And it feels like a lot of times some of those memories feel like yesterday, but, you know, for me, it was. Stand up's hard, and I'm a little slow. So, like, it's been a lot more fun recently. Like, you know, standup is hard. It's very hard, dude. It's not easy at all.

[B]

And it's immense. One of the great things about it is the not stopping of it is also, I am going to say there's like a passive income to stand up. Meaning, like, just you accumulate it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Just keep watching it.

[A]

Right. It's.

[B]

Keep your head down a little.

[A]

It's a bit exponential and you'll get better. Right.

[B]

It just grows on itself without effort.

[A]

Yeah. And through time and.

[B]

And with effort.

[A]

For sure. A lot of effort. But. But yeah, I mean, there's so many distractions doing stand up comedy.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Well, just the physical distraction of, like, actually getting up in a room and having to listen to every corner of the room, every audience member. You're kind of doing it subconsciously while you're also, you know, peeling through this idea that's unfinished.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know about you, but I. I tend to, like, kind of loosely write bits so that I can kind of get out of my own. I've always said my brain is way smarter than I am. So if I could just kind of get into the thought and then have my brain kind of dig its way out with the least amount of syllables, it'll do that on its own.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And like, that pays off sometimes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oftentimes it does not pay off. And so then you're in the middle of that scenario where you're like, trying to communicate to all, you know, all different elements.

[B]

But going back to what you just said.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I'm with you. It is. There's a. It's difficult to listen to so many people. And I'm not surprised to hear that you feel that way. I feel that way. It's like locking on and merging with an audience is. Is more taxing than it seems. And that's why it can be so detrimental and painful when it goes poorly. Is because you were like. I was locking. It's like two ships trying to refuel in outer space and it's like. And then they. It and one of them explodes. That's what it feels like to bomb. But when you connect. But it takes a lot of energy. In the same way that, like, parties and dinner parties can be uncomfortable for me is because I. There's just a lot of attention being paid. Get overwhelmed. Because I care.

[A]

Because you care. You want to listen. Do you want to. You want to. You want people to know that. That they're. They're landing because matters. Because they do. It is. And it makes the conversation More substantive when that happens. And that's just a more interesting encounter as a human being. And it's an underrated skill for a comic, somebody who can listen to the room.

[B]

I think a lot of us. I'm gonna say maybe this is shitty. I think a lot of us just aren't doing it. I don't think. Let me put it this way. Let me put it more gently and more honestly, too. I just think there's a. There's a, you know, a spectrum of how sensitive comedians are. And I tend to like the more sensitive ones. The ones that are, like, really hearing the laugh change color just a little bit, or they pull away just a little bit. It's really hard for them. It's. They're. They're an exposed nerve. Marin comes to mind. I would even say Burr is that way. Like these guys that seem like jackhammers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I see little sweeties. I see little, like, guys that really. I was just trying to do a bit about this where I was like, anger is sadness in disguise.

[A]

And I was, oh, for sure.

[B]

Weeping Anger is the colorful candy shell on the M and M of sadness. And I was like. And isn't it funny that Eminem is the best example of this? He's so sad that his dad left. He's so sad that his mom was an addict. But what comes out is like, grab my balls, bitch. Grab my balls. You can eat my ass. And I'm not trying to be funny, but, like, how sad in all of us when we're up there ranting. There's a sadness there. And those tend to be the guys that I like and the women that I like. Those tend to be the comics that are really tuned in to the crowd with the same intensity that they tuned in to their alcoholic parents dinner table.

[A]

Yeah. You know what I mean?

[B]

Their survival is tied to it.

[A]

Yeah. There's betrayal there. There's disappointment there. And what they want more than anything is for somebody in the. In the room to understand them.

[B]

That's exactly right. But you only get it. I just came back from visiting my folks and my friend who's. You can take this however you want. I guess what I'm saying is, I'm afraid you'll judge. But she's intuitive. She's a psychic person. And she's like, I could tell you had just seen your parents and that every play, everything you heard, you were playing it 10 miles, 10 minutes down the line just to see how it could hurt you and get ahead of it. And I was like, I've never felt more seen in my life because that's what I'm doing with my folks. I'm like, what is that? Okay, well, I'm going to juggle these balls for dad. Not my dad's balls, but I'm going to juggle these balls for dad.

[A]

Sure. Aren't we all juggling our dad's balls?

[B]

You know, I love your bit about your. The balls. That was fantastic.

[A]

Oh, my grand. Yeah, that's.

[B]

What is it? Every man is driving a Honda Accord.

[A]

Most men are. Balls are a Ferrari and most men are just a Honda Accord. And we are burning through tires our whole life.

[B]

Yeah. Can I tell you just to see what you think of this? Like to put a quarter in your jukebox. I go, I've done a lot of drugs. I list all the drugs I've done, I've never done on stage. And they go, you know, the craziest drug I've done is testosterone. Fucking nuts.

[A]

Yeah, it's nuts.

[B]

Nuts. Burning with rage. I'm not even trying to be funny. Look to our porn. Look to the porn. I know there are women that might enjoy that porn, but the porn that Val has told me that she was soft focus. They're like showering in milk and glitter and drying each other off.

[A]

Changing costume. Costumes.

[B]

Yeah. There's a lot of kissing. Look at the horror that that is to me. Testosterone left unchecked.

[A]

Testosterone doesn't have a wardrobe department. No. No, it does not.

[B]

Start filming the moment the actors arrive. And there's a lot of improv. It's fucking terrible.

[A]

Yeah, it's horrible. We are shit faced on our own balls.

[B]

That's what you said. And I love that line. I thought that was fantastic.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Okay, what were you saying? You were saying something else. Sadness being anger is sadness in disguise. Listening comics, how tiring it can be the things that get in the way of stand up. That's what we were talking about.

[A]

Yeah, Just distractions. Well, just to make the observation, just to. I've said listening to the crowd is an underrated skill. And it is. And the comics I love for, you know, a lot of different reasons. But. But when I see somebody who listens really well and that the best I've ever seen is Rory Scoville. I. I'm always. Every time I watch him, I'm like, he makes mention. And this can be an out for some comics to like be like, you know why, you know what? Why do you get so quiet in the room or thing and everybody laughs at how quiet it got you know, but. But when I watch Roy, I don't see that at all. I see him, like, actually, me too. Knowing why a joke landed the way it landed in the room, in the back, differently back there than it did over here. And, like, that's just so detailed where he goes.

[B]

It sounds like there's a lot of churchgoers here. And it was just like. Because he was making fun of church, and he goes, it sounds like there's a lot of churchgoers here. And I was like, that's not to flatter myself, but I think Rory and I are like comedy brothers. You know what I mean? I said, good.

[A]

It's a good brother to have it.

[B]

Is he? Well, he's my favorite comic, which. Which is really saying something. Is that meaning I must love myself? I do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When I watch my own comedy, I'm like, this is what I've been looking for. And that. And that's how I hope everybody feels about their own comedy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But when I watch Rory, I'm like, could have done that.

[A]

You know who my comedy brother is?

[B]

Who? Bell, Burr, Belly B. Is it true? No, I'm just thinking, like, one of the greats.

[A]

I'm trying to.

[B]

That's my doppelganger.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know who my doppelganger is? I'm trying to think of somebody better. It's a shame that. I mean, everything about what happened with Louisa. Shame. And one. One of the small lowercase shames is how great he is, how funny he is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. It's like. What I'm saying is I was just about to be like, my. My twin is Louis. Scandal noted.

[A]

Huh.

[B]

However we feel about that. I'm like, as a stand up. I'm like, cheese them, crow.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Talk about someone that brings something up and doesn't stop until it's drained dry.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

His joke about how Christianity won because we count the years. One year since his death, two years since his death. Man, it's one of the greatest.

[A]

Well, he's still working.

[B]

No, I know. Well, that's. That's.

[A]

You can still.

[B]

Mandy's been. No one's been canceled.

[A]

Nobody's been canceled.

[B]

No one's been canceled.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, that's a great premise. It's. It's kind of tricky, obviously, but.

[A]

Yeah. Well, like, isn't fucking. Isn't fucking Huxtable about to go back on tour?

[B]

Not Theo. You mean Cliff?

[A]

Cliff Clifford.

[B]

He's Malcolm Jamal Warner.

[A]

He's Clifford.

[B]

I don't think that's gonna work. I just Mean, physically?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, is he. Are they gonna lower him on one of those helicopter rescue orange rafts? He does five, and then they just airlift him to the hospital. He's dead. He's like. He's a dead person. He looks like he drank from the wrong goblet in the. In the Last Crusade.

[A]

He looks like Dianne Feinstein.

[B]

I don't know who that is.

[A]

But he chose the senator from. The senator from. Oh, she. From San Francisco.

[B]

Of course. Dianne Feinstein. Of course. I know the senator who sits in the Senate. Every state gets two of them, and. And Diane is one of them for California. California. It's one of our senators?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Are you kidding me? Of course I know. You know, Schwarzenegger, Diane Feinstein. And Rachel finds Adam Schiff, and Diane finds him. But yes, Adam Schiffen.

[A]

Wait, is. He's a representative who's. Oh, thanks very much.

[B]

Padilla. I hear that. I just hear that in my car radio.

[A]

I knew it was Alex. Of course I knew.

[B]

The other center on top of Alex Padilla. He's Funky Cold Padilla. They call him.

[A]

They call him.

[B]

Because you slip it. They play it when he walks on Funky Cold Medina. Kind of about Mickey's, like, slipping people.

[A]

Yeah, that's. That's a clear rape. That's a rape jam.

[B]

It's not just. Maybe it's cold outside. Welcome back to Just Rape Jams. That was for the 50th time today. Maybe it's cold outside. And now, just to mix it up, every 50th time, we do play Funky Cold Medina. Who is tuning in?

[A]

House remix. Funky Cold Outside Medina.

[B]

You could play 50 versions of Baby It's Cold Outside and then mix it up with. There's only. Nobody remixed Funky Cole Medina.

[A]

Sure they did.

[B]

You think so?

[A]

It's out there.

[B]

You think so?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Okay. I was gonna. I just watched the movie coming up from DJ Rape.

[A]

Funky Cole Medina.

[B]

He just names himself that. Wow, how appropriate. Because no one likes it.

[A]

Nobody likes it.

[B]

He. In the movie.

[A]

Remember when you called me rape? You had a lot of fun with that nickname. That was what.

[B]

I just called you that.

[A]

Yeah, you just call me Rape Craig. Well, that. You didn't call me.

[B]

I don't think I made that.

[A]

Burns made it up. Yeah, because I dry humped him in Vegas. And then. That was one. It was a. It was a pre. Me Too nickname. That. That I was happy to lose.

[B]

Yeah, well, things have changed. I was. I didn't know you got married. Which makes me feel like a real piece of that's okay. I found out from your comedy special.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And if there's any indication that we're just two pirates that just docked briefly together here at this port.

[A]

Docking. That's what we've. That's our.

[B]

We've docked our wieners together. But you got married. When did you get married?

[A]

Right before the pandemic.

[B]

Is it the girl? Because the first time you did, you made it weird.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The whole thing was about the one that got away.

[A]

I know. No, new girl.

[B]

The whole episode was the one you knew you loved so true. Had gotten away, moved on. Not her.

[A]

Ship it.

[B]

Ship it. Ship it with someone else. Ship it with somebody else. So that girl has been shipped with someone else.

[A]

She. Yes. Still great friends.

[B]

Oh, but was she at the wedding?

[A]

No, no, no, no, no. But not great friends, then. Great friends.

[B]

Great friends.

[A]

But, like, the kind of thing you got to start.

[B]

Don't great friends come to the wedding?

[A]

Your great friends, you know? Great friends. We lost a lot of blood, you know, like, we. We. We had to.

[B]

We.

[A]

You know, we got. We're in different markets now.

[B]

I understand. Different leagues.

[A]

Different leagues. International.

[B]

She's American. She. I know that.

[A]

Yeah. We're. It's the nfc, AFC situation.

[B]

We've gone ufc, amc.

[A]

But no, I mean, I met. I've never been happier, dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Never been happier.

[B]

No. You seem balanced.

[A]

Yeah, I feel. Ph. Balanced. I feel.

[B]

Where did you meet?

[A]

We met.

[B]

If it's an app, you can just turn your hat.

[A]

No, no, no. Old school.

[B]

Turn your hat, then turn it back.

[A]

And I.

[B]

Okay. Old school. In the wild.

[A]

Yoga class. Real creep status.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I mean, it's.

[B]

You don't meet someone at yoga.

[A]

Happy ending. You do. You do. That's the joke in my act. I met my wife at yoga after yo. Outside of. I followed her out of yoga. That's the gag. And then. Which. It's exactly true. But then she had a boyfriend at the time, and I was like, none of that. And then I invited her and her ex to my Fourth of July party, and she showed up.

[B]

Your famous Fourth of July party?

[A]

My four happy. You've been there. You both have been there. So that was. And then she was like. She showed up with her boyfriend. She came. She did not have a boyfriend anymore, and she came with her friends.

[B]

Do you think she broke up with him unconsciously, but so she could be free for old Nady Craig?

[A]

I like to think so.

[B]

Is this real?

[A]

I bet. Yes. I think that's actually the case. I think they were just at the End. But then they did have a trip planned to.

[B]

They were ch.

[A]

He's a chef, and he's still a. They were.

[B]

Relationally. They were about to hit ch.

[A]

They had to dock up a few more times. You know how it is. You got to. And you were like, you got to undock. There's. There's infrastructure there. You got to. You got to unbolt.

[B]

No, that's right.

[A]

You got to move the.

[B]

Give it a little time.

[A]

There's lifts and there's hydraulics involved, and then. These are all sloppy metaphors, but. Yeah, and then I invited her over. I said, I'm gonna. The 5th of July was always me cleaning up this mess of puke and. And decorations, and I said, come over and let's, you know, make hamburgers.

[B]

And. Well, you brought. You invited her to come back.

[A]

First date, July 5th. That's our anniversary.

[B]

So you met again. Yoga.

[A]

Yoga.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

Six months later.

[B]

Hey, nice to meet you. How did you get in touch with her?

[A]

I said, what? I said, what's your name? She told me your name. I found her online on Facebook.

[B]

Oh, Facebook.

[A]

I mean, we're old school.

[B]

It's been a while.

[A]

Been a while.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. And shuffled through the mom memes and found her.

[A]

And. And then. And her. At the time, her boyfriend was in her profile picture. So I stole back. Serious way the F off. And. And totally was. And I. I made it. I invited them both. And then. And then that was it. First date. And then. But they did have a trip planned to Italy for that fall, so I was like, well, and then we took our time, and then eventually it worked out.

[B]

Wait, they took that trip?

[A]

They took that trip. And. And she was like, we're not. I'm not. And I was like, yeah, cool. Whatever. And then, like, you know, we were just kind of not dating for a while, but then we. Eventually it got date. We were dating, and then I got a job, and I was. You know, it was like. I was shooting that show. I got up to shoot a show for Netflix, and then, like, I was in New York for, like, three months, and I was just like. We had just started. We had made it official. Then I got the job, and I was in New York, and I was like, I'm so happy that I got this awesome woman in my life. And I was like. I knew I had, like, what a new Nate dude. New Nate dude.

[B]

See, old Nate would be like, I just started.

[A]

Damn it.

[B]

Someone now.

[A]

Damn it. Oh, damn.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

What a piece of new Nate. New Nate.

[B]

Well, old Nate was. I don't think old name was just.

[A]

A little drunk on his nuts, you know, like.

[B]

Yeah, he was a Honda Accord. It's like when you hit the nitrous button in spoiler games.

[A]

Spoiler alert, Nate.

[B]

Like you had a spoiler.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it was alerting to people. It alerted people.

[A]

I don't know if that worked.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Yeah, that worked. I think that worked.

[B]

So you were filming something in New York, Staying long, dist.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And then.

[A]

And just like calling her and being like, you know, Gabriel Burn today, like, it was like, wow. Yeah, it was great. And like, she's.

[B]

And she's not in the biz.

[A]

She's not in the biz. At the time, she was an ICU nurse. Now she's in med school.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do a lot of nurses? Yeah, I guess.

[A]

Is that like a. I think it's a thing. A lot of them become mps and.

[B]

Or like, military police.

[A]

Nurse practitioners.

[B]

Wait, MP doesn't stand for nursery. Np.

[A]

Sorry, np I mumbled.

[B]

No, you didn't.

[A]

My mind sauce hasn't kicked in yet. Magic didn't.

[B]

You drank it backwards, so it's making you stupid.

[A]

He put it in his butt.

[B]

If you do pour magic mind up your butt, you become dumb. Four to six hours of anti flow.

[A]

A lot of people take it to the hospital. It sounded like he was having a stroke. Turns out he put a tincture in his ass.

[B]

So this is new for me. Not a lot of nurses necessarily are like. They're not doctors in training. But your partner is.

[A]

Yeah, she just was like. She had been in medicine for eight years. She had a career in an ICU at UCLA and was like, I don't know what to do, and I think I'd make a pretty good doctor. And I was like, get that shit.

[B]

Get that shit. Sorry. Is that Canon? The Barbie movie? I haven't seen it, but I understand.

[A]

He's evolved. I don't know.

[B]

I'm just hoping that he has.

[A]

Yeah, I think. I think that that was the best move for her. She. She's kind of like standing at the edge, looking, you know, at, like, the daunting task of, like, making it through med school.

[B]

But, like. Well, I love the bit you have a bit about how your wife is better than you, a better person than you.

[A]

Oh, not even close.

[B]

How do you feel as a comedian? As a weird. I don't know. I think the older I get, I think we're all getting better in our 40s, but I also feel like I'm coming more. I'M getting more comfortable saying that comedians are compulsive weirdos, wounded weirdos.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Intense compulsion, meaning all my 20s and 30s, I was like saying, like, all these therapists that are like, get in touch with the part of you that needs to make people laugh and is trying to crunch audiences up into a whatever shaped hole and kind of like spackle it inside. Now I'm like, no, that's completely true. Like, you don't get into this. I'm going to say, I don't get into this if I didn't have a compulsion, meaning, like, it's uncomfortable to not do it. In fact, I'll take it a little bit further and say that in my family, sometimes I would feel. And they did their best, they gave me attention and love and all that stuff. But I was looking for a higher level of identity. I was looking to be recognized in a way that I didn't feel was met necessarily.

[A]

It is a strange.

[B]

So I needed strangers to match that.

[A]

It's a, it's a combination of like, intense insecurity and also like a pretty, pretty clean confidence in yourself. Confident to be able to be like, look, look, look, look. I'm not feeling like this is all put together. Just in case you agree with me, I'm going to put it together for you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, and like. And then once you. And then if I do it successfully, can everything be okay?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Inside of me.

[B]

That's right. But when we're thinking about our time starting in Chicago, the people that I remember, I'm not putting them down. I remember deeply funny people doing stand up and doing. Not even talking about any of the, the, the big names that you. I'm talking about people whose names I don't even know.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That I would see that would murder. That would win some competition. Then they kind of hung it up and that's fine. In fact, that's appropriate. The people that, like, stuck with it weren't necessarily the funniest ones. They would become the funniest ones, but they were the ones that, that needed it. I, again, my Val was talking about, like, when I feel like my father doesn't see me, I vanish. I stop existing. Like, that's what my wounded child self goes like. I'm not here. Apparently, like the, the people that made me or whatever you want to say, don't recognize me. So I must just be vapor in the wind. Then of course, I would get on stage and be like, I'm not vapor in the wind. Like, fans come up to me and go like, how's Val? How's Brody? And I. And I mush them up and I put them in the dad hole.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It doesn't fully work. Ultimately. I had to go in and I'm still doing, like, repairs that have nothing to do with validation. But those were the people. What do you think about that? I mean, the compulsive.

[A]

100%. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've. I can be honest with you. I've never done. I've never gone to therapy. I did when I was young. My mom didn't like how much I was drinking when I was in high school, so she had me go see somebody and, like, that was. I wasn't ready for that. But since then, I've never gone to therapy. And it's, you know, listening to people way smarter than me talk about getting shrunk and getting kind of like, things put in perspective for them is always so fascinating because it, you know, those simple terms are very valuable. I don't think that it's rocket science trying to figure out why we do stand up comedy, though.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, in the context of a relationship, I think that we are the ball and chain.

[B]

You mean you're the ball and chain.

[A]

I'm going to go ahead and say we are, Peter. But. But I didn't mean.

[B]

I'm opting out of what you're saying. I'm saying. You mean your marriage.

[A]

Yes. You are the most be. For myself and all of comedy.

[B]

No, that's. You're hearing my question perfectly. Thank you. As I'm saying, between Val and I, I'm the ball and chain. I'm the one that's going like, I don't know if I feel like swimming in the lake today because, like, something interior is grinding me wrong.

[A]

Right.

[B]

She's just. I. I'm not. She can be as complicated and as nuanced as anybody.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And in general, she's the sunlight and I'm. I'm the shadow.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I joke about that, too. I mean, I bet it all comes off of, you know, trying to say just broadly that my wife is a better person than. But yes. When it comes to who's good cop, who's bad cop, like, I'm, you know, she thinks. She says, I like to be an asshole. And it's. I say that's a technicality. But she.

[B]

Can I ask something?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

She finished that thought. I won't forget.

[A]

I just. It just think. I just think it comes from. I probably complicate things a little. Bit more than she does.

[B]

Can I ask you something, though?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And can I give you a little bit of love?

[A]

Please do.

[B]

Touch. I'll put it in the terms of Valdez. Sometimes I say things that aren't in. Aren't appropriate or, like, I go in the direction that we shouldn't go. I'm testing limits in social situations, like looking for where's the boundary. Yeah. I want to bang on the walls of the prison and just see where the. Where the weak spot is. So we can start spooning. So we can start spooning, you know, like Shawshank.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

And that's not always appropriate, but Pete Holmes redefining spooning. Val and I do both kinds of spooning. We spoon at night, but also I will spoon my way out of the prison of situation.

[A]

I will melon ball my way out of.

[B]

If Andy Dufresne had a melon baller, he would have made it out before that storm.

[A]

Yeah. He would have never had to. He would have never had to send the warden to jail.

[B]

He'd be fried.

[A]

He'd be.

[B]

He'd be gone.

[A]

He'd be gone.

[B]

And it refrained. Listen, what I'm saying is Val in her. She's a love genius, and she really knows how to love everybody in her life. And I am great, gratefully, not an exception to that. Obviously, I'm. I'm her husband. But she tells me and what I'm about to tell you, she's like, I like when you're kind of an asshole, and I like that you're kind of. It's flattering to call me dangerous, but I'm just saying, like, a little socially, like a. Like a Roman candle, like there's something uncontrolled.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She likes it. She admires it. She tells me this. I'm not. I'm not speculating. She says, look, I know. I say, hey, this friend is coming. Can you please not this, this, and this. But she also wickedly delights.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Did you hear when I said, could you imagine, like, there are moments, like, Larry David would be proud when someone's like, we should do that thing? And I'm like, yeah, I'm not gonna do that. Just, like, right to there. And it's beautiful because most people are living in a comfortable, you know, restraint. It's not a prison. They can break out, they can move out of it. And when you're with it, and this is the compliment, this love I'm trying to give you, if you're a little bit naughty, a little bit wicked, that's what she loves about you, Whether or not she's there or. No, she doesn't tell you.

[A]

She does because she's such.

[B]

That's exactly.

[A]

She's such.

[B]

A guy asked you back on this podcast because I'm like, I hope he just tells me what a gentle boy he is. He went to the grocery store and he left three pennies and took none.

[A]

No.

[B]

And that's what I love about your special. I'm like, listen to this free person, a liberated person. And that's what she loves and that's what I love.

[A]

Thank you, buddy.

[B]

Look at that leg.

[A]

Keep kicking me. He's kicking me.

[B]

Can we get an insert of the leg?

[A]

Kicks me.

[B]

Go on.

[A]

No. She definitely follows rules and appreciates. I think she doesn't go as far as Val as to tell me that she appreciates.

[B]

That took some time.

[A]

Any irreverence or whatever.

[B]

But.

[A]

But she's, you know, I mean, she's just a very capable person. Like, she's effective.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And she's been able to operate in the system where she. Following the rules. I was following the rules. I was the last one to finish my test. Following the rules was like the never, never, like, really reaped. I never reaped any benefits from the system that everybody was playing by.

[B]

And, like, couldn't do it.

[A]

Couldn't do it.

[B]

I couldn't even do it. It wasn't that I. It was like I couldn't do it. And then I acted like I didn't want to do it, but I couldn't do it.

[A]

And I felt a lot in a lot of my life, and I still do. Probably. And this is probably like getting towards, like, you know what you're talking about, like, being seen or something. A lot of times it just made me feel dumb. Makes you feel dumb. Like, constantly going through the system that.

[B]

Every you please high five this because. Thank you.

[A]

It makes me feel dumb.

[B]

And I'm with you.

[A]

And in a lot of scenarios, I don't know if I'm not dumb, but I don't give a fuck because in other situations that I'm able to produce and construct for myself, well, I turn out to be very smart. And then that fixes it.

[B]

That's the cure for dumb.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like, I haven't said this in a while. I think it was someone like Will Rogers or something. Like, wasn't he a cowboy?

[A]

Yeah. And a writer and a producer and everything.

[B]

There you go. He said, I don't know what you're dumb in, but Everybody's dumb in something. Something. I'm paraphrasing it poorly, but, like, the cure for dumb isn't to necessarily, like, white knuckle your way through that and learn physics. Maybe it is for some people, but for me, it's to find the things you are smart at.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You just go like, I'm not good at this. And you move on and you find what you're good at. Is there anything better than that?

[A]

Right. Nothing.

[B]

It's the best.

[A]

Yeah. And. And it's. But it's. Sometimes you got to learn the hard way, which is working so hard towards something you want so badly and then realizing, like, you know all the wrong places, dude.

[B]

You know, looking pinup.

[A]

Wilkin. Pinup, dude. You gotta, like, stop looking for that nub, dog.

[B]

You gotta, like, I can't believe you got Wilkin for nub.

[A]

It's Eddie Murphy singing doing buckwheat on Saturday night Live.

[B]

Looking for nub in all the wrong places. Looking for nub. You got it right away.

[A]

We're so old. That's like. That's 70s SNL right there, dude.

[B]

Two AARP magazines are delivered to us. Oh, wow. What can penumbas on the COVID Wow.

[A]

Two men in America get that reference.

[B]

Crystal Pepsi. I go, you can see right through me. Like, crystal Pepsi. And he went, what's Crystal Pepsi? And this Dude's in his 30s. And I was like, well, it's time for me to just walk into the ocean.

[A]

Not only do I know Crystal Pepsi, I know the good Crystal Pepsi. And then when they changed the recipe and Crystal Pepsi started to suck. Remember that?

[B]

No.

[A]

For the first, like, month, Crystal Pepsi was awesome.

[B]

What?

[A]

So good.

[B]

Tell me.

[A]

It was so good.

[B]

What did they do?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

They changed.

[A]

I can't prove anything. I felt like they changed the recipe.

[B]

This is like a new Coke situation.

[A]

High school Nate Craig was furious that Crystal Pepsi had wronged him. Because I was in on crystal Pepsi.

[B]

I think I walked to the downtown center to buy a crystal Pepsi. Like, I saw the commercial and I was like. Like, we'll see about this.

[A]

Crystal have to have.

[B]

Did you know this is in the tipping point?

[A]

All they did was not add coloring.

[B]

It was less. By the way, Aquafina is also Pepsi. It's the same water, and they just didn't add anything. And it costs the same.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Now we're old.

[A]

They're selling us bottles. They're some. Somebody else said that, but that's an easy one. Like, they're just selling us bottles.

[B]

It's just a bottle.

[A]

They're going to be okay shifting to wind and solar. As long as we buy bottles.

[B]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[A]

The whole, the whole. The whole ocean is going to have to look like one of those floatable rafts.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

That's all they care about. Buy bottles, you fucking slaves.

[B]

That's going to be, I think about. You know what I think is also out? I was watching. Bottles will be out. Bottles will be the, like, scorn of our time. Like, can you believe? Like, I'm sorry, these are plastic bottles. You still occasionally are rocking a plastic bottle. And it fucking sucks. I get it and I do it. It's like my friend, same friend who didn't know what crystal Pepsi is. He goes, look, every once in a while we all throw away a battery. And I was like, that is a brilliant observation. Like, you're caring about the planet. You're just holding a couple D batteries, just going like, I don't. I don't know what to do.

[A]

The rechargeable ones don't work.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

The charger breaks the batteries. Just stop taking the charge.

[B]

Elon Musk on that just to get us, like, good rechargeable. Nobody's interested.

[A]

Dude, did you read this story in the New York Times about. About Sky.

[B]

I don't know who our senators are, so I'm gonna say no, I didn't read the article in the New York Times.

[A]

Anyway, we can move on.

[B]

But no, tell me. Just Skynet.

[A]

Guess. Guess the number of satellites that Elon Musk has in outer. In orbit around the Earth.

[B]

I don't know what gambling is, but give me the over, under, like your bet.

[A]

Over, under.

[B]

I don't know the over. I'm gonna say he has 300 grid three.

[A]

It's like, it's over. 10,000. 10,000. Like, he controls communication and like, the low orbit of the Earth. Like, countries are like, what. What do we do with this guy? Like, Taiwan doesn't want to have anything to do with him because he sells too many cars to China. And they think that he's got, like, it's crazy.

[B]

Wait, what does that. What does that mean?

[A]

Because test, he's selling too many Teslas to China. He's making Teslas in China. He's selling Teslas in China. So Taiwan doesn't trust him to handle their communications because he thinks that China can influence him. And it's like there's like these geopolitical, you know, factors that are now kind of overlapping and intersecting with like, you know, capitalism and it's. It's through him and his.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

And SpaceX.

[B]

I know about SpaceX. And Musk's. Musk's satellites. Is that sky gazers. What is Star watchers. What do you call them? That's telescope folk.

[A]

Oh, are pissed about these satellites.

[B]

Dorks.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

They'Re pissed. Because if you. It's changing like a time lapse image, all you'll see are streaks, satellites. Because the satellites are going for real.

[A]

They're. Yeah, they're in a thing. Yeah, you can crazy.

[B]

All I know is I always wait for Elon to just one day be like, come to me, my pretties. And every Tesla just drives back to him. Sure, come to me. And they all flock in.

[A]

It's real comic book shit, man.

[B]

It is.

[A]

I don't know. That was the deleting Twitter off my phone when they changed just the logo. That's how. That's how dumb my brain is. Like, I was like, I'm still on Twitter. Fine, I' I'll be here. I'm still gonna be on Twitter. And then finally he changed the thing to X and I was like, get the off.

[B]

Wait, I don't understand what that means.

[A]

He changed the little bird, the Twitter bird, to an X. Like Twitter's. Doesn't not called Twitter anymore.

[B]

It's not.

[A]

It's called X. I love this. I love this. It is. He changed the name to X.

[B]

Who said this? Senators.

[A]

Right there at the bottom in the middle. X. That's Twitter now.

[B]

No. What not? Dude, do I tweet?

[A]

I should not. I mean, you would if you were still on there, but I was just. I just put one. I was just like, like, this blows. I'm out of here. Find me. And I'd put my cities and then I just like had my pin tweet and I just put off my phone. I'll probably go back on there eventually if I have to like post something or want to like. But like, wow. Yeah, I didn't know peace in the Middle east, bro.

[B]

Like X, X out X Men. Why do you do it? I don't care. Who cares? He's something.

[A]

He's got. He's pitching people on, you know, it becoming like a banking app and like all this other shit. And like, I don't know, it just kind of got, you know, Twitter was where. Where like it was a very valuable tool for a while and then it became just kind of like a time suck and energy suck for a lot of people.

[B]

For some reason, it was like the most toxic of the places it was pretty bad.

[A]

Definitely wasn't. There's more toxic places on the Internet, but, like, for the.

[B]

For. I mean, for the usership.

[A]

For the big. Yeah, definitely. And I mean, I don't know, I'm.

[B]

It's.

[A]

It's Was. It's a nothing. But thank you. Thank you for taking that away so that. Nobody. That.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, all that time.

[B]

No. We could all do well. It's one of those situations where like. Well, there. What was I reading?

[A]

This is great, by the way.

[B]

Oh, good. I like that it has. Do you. I also take this as a supplement. Hmb. Do you know what HMB is?

[A]

I don't know what HMB is.

[B]

Helps your body with recovery. So it's really good after workout workouts and before workouts.

[A]

Good.

[B]

And now that I'm older, watermelon, too, is really good for recovery.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I seem very fit.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

It's weird that I'm just like, yeah, I've been looking at your body, but.

[A]

I'm like, look at my body. You also look very fit, buddy. You're taking care of it. You got things. You got your little fix it gadgets, your little bronze bracelet.

[B]

I was having headaches behind my left eye and I put this on and I. I don't know if it helped or if it's psychosomatic, but I don't care.

[A]

Who gives a. Yeah.

[B]

Who cares?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

At 44.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I'll put on a bracelet. It's so much better than them being like. Like your brain's expanding and you're going to explode.

[A]

Yeah. You should probably have this thing that we tested on eight generations of bunny rabbits.

[B]

That's right. No, no, no.

[A]

I'll do this. I'll do this.

[B]

I just wear this.

[A]

I'll do this.

[B]

And you know when I put this.

[A]

Thing on and consider pain differently.

[B]

Exactly. I was in a coffee shop and this barista just goes like, got to get those essential metals on your body. And I was like, all right, that's a little sign from the universe. This guy just yelled essential metals. I'm like, all right, I'm on board. Have you ever almost died? Nate? There are all these questions I asked since you've come on this podcast.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

They're new questions.

[A]

I don't.

[B]

You've never almost died. You seem like such a wakeboard, almost die guy. You seem like such a. I, Marty McFly on the back of a pickup truck and a skateboard and I almost died. I got rip tides.

[A]

I've been pulled out by a Rip before.

[B]

Yeah. Pulled out by a rip.

[A]

Got. I don't know if I've ever almost died. I mean, I always think about how close I come to getting just pancaked by automobiles on a regular basis. Walking, walking.

[B]

But like, I thought about that driving in today. I was like, I'm going 73 miles an hour and so is everyone else. And I don't know these people.

[A]

Yeah, it's why, it's why that's one thing my wife has always said, you're never getting a motorcycle because she worked in the icu. So she saw like, yeah, it's not good. Yeah, listen, the percentages are bad.

[B]

Listen to the doctors.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, listen to the doctors.

[B]

Listen to the doctors. My ex wife's dad, I mean, we don't need any more data on smoking, but he, he was like a lung therapist and he was like, just don't smoke. He's like, just, just. He didn't even give me details. Yeah, he's like, just trust me. He's going in and playing the bongos on people's lungs, trying to get them to move a pound of butter. Yeah, it's disgusting. Just don't smoke. I'm super excited, you guys. We have a new Pete's Pick on this episode. And run, do not walk to check this one out. This app is brought to us by at Brain fm. Brain FM has been a part of my daily creative routine for years now. And I'm so happy to be partnering with them. Every morning I sit down at my computer, throw on my headphones, these headphones hit focus, hit creative flow and boom. I'm in the pocket, ready to work, create and focus. Without it, I find it so much harder to complete tasks. I procrastinate. I have a hard time meeting deadlines, even if they're my own self imposed deadlines for my own good. But with Brain fm, I am signaling to my brain, literally that it is time to get things done. And it works. So what is it? On the surface, Brain FM seems like an app that gives you the perfect background music for creative work, study, reading, meditation, relaxation and sleep. And that is true. It is incredible music to work or read or meditate to. But under the surface, it is doing so much more than that. Brain FM's composers work hard to create amazing sounding music that doesn't distract and uses their patented audio technology to boost your mental state. On demand, Brain FM's scientists and composers, they add patterns to their music that change the patterns in your brain, creating increased blood flow and electrical connectivity activity in the brain and increasing focus in as little as five minutes. Regular music think about it is designed to be distracting. It wants your attention so you're constantly interrupting using regular stuff to skip, you have to skip and it pulls you out of that flow that you're trying to get into. So skip the skipping. With Brain FM you can get a wide variety of sounds and genres, from natural soundscapes to lo fi electronic music that get you in the zone almost immediately without having to pick the perfect playlist. And it's science backed. Brain FM actually has the scientific research to back up their claims through close collaboration with neuroscientists and a wide array of field experiments and testing. But even better, their music is made by real composers, not computers and and but in instead multi instrument instrumentalist composers. That way the soundscapes on Brain FM still have the warmth of real people. So check it out. Support the show, support your brain, support your creativity, your goals and and procrastination. Go to Brain FM weird to get 30% off 30% off your first year of Brain FM and start getting more done with less effort and unlock your best self on demand. Experience the difference that the right music can make in your life. Go to brain fm weird for 30% off we're also brought to us by our friends My new favorite Best looking Best Feeling shorts I've ever owned Bird dogs I've never been a big short guy, that is true and it turns out I was rocking the wrong shorts even though I love swimming. I also hate swim trunks, but bird dogs change both of those categories for me, especially now that it's summer. I love liberating my legs and getting in water as often as possible and now thanks to my dogs I can get and do that while feeling totally comfortable and looking really good. Bird dogs make you look good. Bird dogs have stretch khaki shorts designed for a fit slimmer through the thigh and leg, giving you a truly sculpted look, which I love. And bird dog shorts do the exact same thing as Lululemon but fit way better. And honestly, you know they look better and it's not Lululemon, they're not stiff restricting cotton. Bird dogs fix this issue by inventing cloud knit fabric that looks just like khaki but stretches so you get a way slimmer fit without having to sacrifice movement. And Birddogs uses anti stink anti sweat like sweat wicking fabric that keeps you cool and dry all day long. So go to birddogs.com weird and you get a free yeti style tumbler with your order. I use this tumbler almost every day. I love it. That's birddogs.com weird. For a free yeti style Tumblr, you won't want to take your bird dogs off. We promise you support your short look, support your bathing suit look, and support the show. Birddogs.com weird. All right, everybody, let's get back to Nate.

[A]

What were we talking about?

[B]

Almost dying.

[A]

Oh, I did fall out of a back of a truck once. Okay, that was probably. I think about that and it makes me like, what happened? I was just up working up north at a summer camp. I was like a maintenance guy at a summer camp. And all my. All my friends grew up at the camp and they were counselors and I was riding in the back of the truck and like I was standing up in the truck and we were going slowly down, like kind of like a, a, A, you know, a cut through road to like a back athletic field. And then my buddy got to the end of the thing and I was just kind of daydreaming and he sped up and then he turned and I just flew out of the truck. And like I. The next thing I knew, I was like sitting straight up like this on the truck or sitting straight up like this on the ground. And they like stopped and came. Are you okay? And it was like I.

[B]

You like, right?

[A]

I could have broke my neck. I could, you know. Yeah, it was. I. That was like. I rag dolled. It was. Yeah, it was.

[B]

I bet it would have been pretty funny to see. But also horrifying.

[A]

Horrifying.

[B]

I mean, not for you. It was horrifying.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You were first person.

[A]

Yeah, I pretty. Yeah, pretty, pretty nice rotation. I'm sure the rotation was perfect just because I landed like. Yeah, I was sitting up like it was perfect. It was like a. You know, it's like a idiot baby falling off a mattress. You know, it turned out. But that's that I think about that. You know, I've hit my hat on the bottom of a pool before that. I always. That I always think about. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Ah, yeah. Hate.

[A]

Hate it. Yeah.

[B]

That's one chip this tooth right here. Doing it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

God. The.

[A]

I know, dude. I think about that woken pnub. Dude.

[B]

Wait, you just jumped in and bunk.

[A]

It was. It was an old. It's an old neighborhood pool back where I grew up. So it was like the diving well wasn't that deep and it started to. The incline started.

[B]

Only people who have hit their heads on the bottom of pools know the term diving well. Diving well, it Turns out the diving well wasn't. It's a support group of people that's.

[A]

And they're like, oh, yeah, that's a lawsuit right there. The well. Oh, they didn't put the well on. Right.

[B]

How deep was the well?

[A]

This wall is not the code. You're gonna have to move that wall back. You have to push that back right there. You're gonna have to go straight up right there.

[B]

The guy who. What is that called? The contractor who just fixes everything.

[A]

Well never swims. No.

[B]

Never touch this.

[A]

I don't get in there. Half of these wells are made for people to break their faces. Half of these wells are gonna hurt you.

[B]

I just think. I don't want to get too dark because it is a dark subject, but it's just like the majesty of diving married with the tragedy of being a quadriplegic. Yeah, it's. What? It's just the worst. Yeah, it's just the worst. So I'm so glad you're okay.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

Because that guy came in there.

[A]

He's like, okay, okay, hold up. Yeah.

[B]

What about ghosts? You ever see a ghost?

[A]

I have never seen a ghost. I don't necessarily believe in ghosts.

[B]

Necessarily. Little opening. If he wants a specter to visit him tonight, I. Ghost. If necessarily is gonna visit you.

[A]

I love a nice. I love a nice cosmic rhythm, karmic occurrence, but just. Just the predictability of human existence and kind of.

[B]

You mean ghosts are too obvious?

[A]

Ghosts are a little bit.

[B]

It's also narcissism. It's like, I saw.

[A]

It's kind of along the same lines as, like, everybody thinks, like, the world's gonna end while they're alive on this earth.

[B]

Speed. Degree Speed. Agree.

[A]

What's that called?

[B]

I'm just agreeing with you quickly.

[A]

Yeah, it's.

[B]

What was that?

[A]

Speed. Agree. Okay. All right. I didn't go over the lingo, but.

[B]

I'm didn't know the vernac.

[A]

Forgive me, weirdos.

[B]

No, that's not even a show thing. That's just a me thing.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Just to say it in a writer's room.

[A]

Yeah. So. Laura Guten. So, Speed. Agree. And I think, yes, but that the world is gonna.

[B]

Everyone's always thought the world was gonna end.

[A]

And when they happen to be here, and that's like, just total narcissism. Like, oh, really? Yeah.

[B]

I'm gonna go into the mix. Thinking God is mad at you is an absolute narcissistic trip.

[A]

Oh, how about. I'm going to. I'm. I'll see your. I'll see your speed degree and I'll raise you a speed degree. Thinking God is mad at someone else is maybe the most narcissistic.

[B]

And God hates everyone you hate.

[A]

Yeah, but is that just you? Literally, is that just you?

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Is that just another. That's like you just creating one stupid, simple, you know, monkey layer of protection for yourself around, like crushing everybody else's behavior up and putting it in that, that, that whole.

[B]

Wait, what do you mean?

[A]

Like, it's kind of another version of.

[B]

Like hating other people.

[A]

Hating other people is just you're wanting to please other people.

[B]

I think I understand what you're saying.

[A]

I'm sorry if it's a, if it's just a little bit of a reach. It's like, you know, you know, like the anger is crying.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Anger is, is weeping. You know, like, that's like, why see Donald Trump Jr screaming on the. I just see a. I literally just see him weeping.

[B]

Me too. I see too. Being like. And daddy, do you see me? Daddy, do you care? We've sang this before. I have a billion dollars. I have fine golden hair. He's just. Nobody acts that way. Nobody acts that way if they got what they needed.

[A]

So like, you know, it's. I mean, it seems so diametrically opposed, you know. Whereas you would kind of own your hatred of other people as opposed to like being a victim of your cell own self loathing. But in reality they're kind of, you know, just a pretty simple.

[B]

Oh, yeah, you can. I would.

[A]

Different sides of the same coin kind of thing.

[B]

You can't handle your own self loathing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you then project it onto other people for sure. And then go, they're the idiots. I do it constantly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But at least this is. It's like you can be ignorant or you can be consciously ignorant. I'm consciously ignorant. I'm like, I know I'm doing it. At least I know I'm doing it.

[A]

It's a little bit more empowering self. Yeah.

[B]

It's a ton. It's a huge step. There's only one more step.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which is not doing it. And the step there is to know you're doing it. And I know that I do it all the time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Constantly judging other people. And it's so I can go, I'm a good boy and they're a bad boy.

[A]

As I've gotten older, I've gotten really good at once. I. I feel myself. You know, you get whipped up in your brain. You get like a couple thoughts In a row, chain reaction about a certain thing that really drives you nuts and it changes your physicality.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Like it, it shoots those, those that juice into you.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I've gotten way better as I've gotten old and be like, stop it.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

That's your comfort zone? You know how to do that?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like the thing you're most familiar with. It empowers you. It makes you feel empowered because you can do that. You can feel everybody.

[B]

You mean anger?

[A]

Anger. It's the easiest emotion. It's like, it's.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

It's like any, you know, that's. I think what we've kind of like mistaking. People mistake anger for strength a lot. Like they mistake kindness for weakness.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

And it's. That's a very low level understanding of your own human existence. If you're, if, if you're. If that really feels right to you, you haven't ever considered just the base kind of simplicity of that emotion.

[B]

So now when you feel again, having just seen my parents, I've noticed just how in my body these feelings are. We think, we're thinking like, boy, I'm angry. But then when you get a little bit more in your body, you're like, like, oh, it's like boiling acid in my stomach or it's a clenched jaw or like your tight fingers and all that stuff. And that is sort of the first step to just kind of. If that's where it's starting, that's where you can start. That's where the solution is too. You can start releasing it, breathing a little bit, trying to get in touch with those feelings, acknowledging them. I think they just want to be acknowledged a little bit. But tell me your.

[A]

I'll give myself. I am an advocate for road rage in general. I think that's a safe place. I mean, I think it's got to get out. I don't think that you can. I mean, I don't think you can possibly solve it that it's such a monkey.

[B]

Well, you like road rage?

[A]

I do, I do. I just do. I think it's pretty healthy.

[B]

Just what.

[A]

As long as you're not.

[B]

It's like being at the ballpark and you can be like, fuck you. It's like that.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It's like a useful way, safe way.

[A]

As long as you're not like running down school children. Yeah. You don't mean. I don't think actually like endangering people's lives in your automobile.

[B]

But like, but you mean like the dance of it. I Flip you off.

[A]

You flip me off. It's pretty useful.

[B]

Hong Kong.

[A]

I was wrong. But you'll never hear it from me.

[B]

You know. You know what I like. That's hilarious, by the way. This happened to me recently. Two, three days ago. I changed lanes and I just. Just didn't look enough, which is crazy. And they did. Huh? And they were right.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And then they did the thing where they pass me fast.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It's like the. It's like that's how they get mad at you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's to show you they zip by you. Like, I want to get the. Away from you, you idiot. And I was thinking about this. Nate, maybe you can help me. There's no hand gesture for like. I'm.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[B]

Like, I was. I kind of did like a. Like, I. I know, but it kind of looks like I'm going, like, easy.

[A]

I think they probably got you. I think they got you. I think they heard you. I think this is universal for. This is like a universal me. Because if it's. If it's anything but this, there's a. There's a gesture, there's a. There's a. Yeah.

[B]

Like, that's different. I'm like a gentle hand up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Can I tell you about something I think about all the time, and you as a road rage connoisseur can help me.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So I'm on the road. This is back when I was married the first time. So I must be like 23. And I see this. This young couple also. And I don't know if race is important, but it's a young white couple. And they start changing lanes into a truck that is driven by a large, like, heavy. Not like muscly, Not Terry Crews, but a black guy. But a big, heavy black guy. And they're. They're changing lanes and he swerves. It's scary. He. Like. He really was wrong. These knuckleheads heads did not look and endangered his life in their Hyundai in their Honda.

[A]

And he's got.

[B]

He's in a real.

[A]

Got a. Like an 18 wheeler or he's. No, no, no.

[B]

It's like a. It was like a pickup truck or maybe just like an suv.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And he's like. And then he straightens himself. And I'm watching. And then I watch as it unfolds. They pull over a lane because they're just like. We just. They look like 19 years old. Like, in my mind, because I was a young married couple. Like, they're probably like a young mar. Married couple. Just do dingbats.

[A]

Just a couple married 19 year olds.

[B]

Yeah, just like me. Religious 19 year olds and track guy.

[A]

He does missionaries.

[B]

He doesn't do angry speedoff. He does the more frightening thing, which is he slows down and gets behind them and then starts following them. And I was fascinated with what was happening.

[A]

You follow him?

[B]

Okay, I'm not a man. I'm a 22 year old newlywed.

[A]

You follow him.

[B]

I did not follow him.

[A]

You're following this big.

[B]

No, this is a better story. This is also kind of. We had cell phones, but not in the way that we have cell phones now.

[A]

T9.

[B]

Yeah, it was a Nokia. My. My ringtone on my Nokia was called jump, and it was bump. Bump.

[A]

You jump. Super dork. Okay. All right, so what happens? Big black guy. Poor missionaries. Poor young white couple.

[B]

I don't call narrativizing this as that's what I heard. But acidly and as racially as you, I'm just kind of noting it's hard. There are dynamics.

[A]

It's hard to hear your voice.

[B]

There's another difference. Youth. And he's definitely in his 30s. Like he's a grown man. And these are two little scamps. There's a lot of differences. All I did was I drove past them, terrified for everyone involved. And I looked and the guy in the car was like this, like going real, like right on their butt. And I was like, what do you do? And you know what? I might. You're the kind of guy I might call if I just really risk the life of somebody and they're really mad at me. You're on that list. You're on the list of like, call Nate, don't call me, and just go.

[A]

Nate, I want no part of this man that you wronged.

[B]

Well, that's the. That's what makes it so interesting is you did almost kill him. You did.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, he went. He, like fishtailed. He has a right to be mad. Yeah, but there are no hand gestures that can say, I'm sorry.

[A]

Stop following me. I don't want to talk about this.

[B]

20 years like you, you pull over, you roll down the window, you try to talk to him. Like, let him yell at you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Be helpful. To your point. Road rage. It's healthy. It's not going anywhere. Let him call me a piece of shit. I don't like the following. I don't like the following. That looks like it's going to.

[A]

You know, it's more menacing.

[B]

It's menacing.

[A]

It's. It's. Yeah. It's like, this could be. Your behavior on the road does not just have to happen here on the road. Like this. Can.

[B]

We could take this.

[A]

We can take this off the road. We can take this inside?

[B]

Yeah. You want to take this? You want to step inside? Yeah, exactly. So what would you. What do you do? I've given a lot of thought, so I have an answer.

[A]

I think you just kind of. I mean, if somebody wants to do that, you know, they got a really, really. They got a really, really feel strongly about an accident that didn't happen.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Good job. You saved yourself. I almost caused problems for us. And, you know, you got to do what you got to do.

[B]

What do you mean? You're saying you pull over and fight?

[A]

No, no, no. But if he's gonna follow me and wants to fight me. When we get to. When we get to where I'm going ca.

[B]

Nana's house.

[A]

I'm. I'm going to Nana's.

[B]

You're gonna kick my ass in Nana's driveway?

[A]

You're gonna have to kick my ass in front of my own grandmother?

[B]

My. Only.

[A]

If that's what you want to do.

[B]

Drive until he calms down.

[A]

Keep going.

[B]

You're throwing Eckhart Tolle CDs.

[A]

Adam. Throwing self help books, religious pamphlets.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And.

[B]

Yeah. You're blasting Anya. Who can say where don't we. You drive windows down.

[A]

Drive up to church. You weren't going to church.

[B]

Yeah, go to church. Go to church and drive into the sanctuary. You can't, because a lot of fights happen in the church parking lot. You got to go into the sanctuary. So you're up the stairs in the. In the fellowship hall, and then you.

[A]

Get out school for the blind and go. They can't. They won't. Who's. Who's right and who's wrong?

[B]

Go to a playground.

[A]

Playground.

[B]

You can't let these kids see what's about to happen.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Sir, please, for the children. Can we let this go?

[B]

For the children.

[A]

Turn it up really loud. Turn it up real loud. You get out of your car, you're like, you know what? I know that. I know what happened back there. I just want you to listen to me for just one second. I know what happened back there.

[B]

The return to innocence.

[A]

Sir, are you married? Have you ever had a disagreement. Have you ever had a disagreement behind the wheel of a car?

[B]

Well, I think that's what they say. You should go like. My name is Michael Daniels.

[A]

I'm Michael.

[B]

I live in South Bend, Indiana. I like Indian food, but I can't handle spice. Like, this is what you have to yell at this man.

[A]

Humanize yourself.

[B]

I love the Sopranos, but I can't watch the violence.

[A]

What's that? What's that? Silence of the Lambs. He's humanizing her. Oh, they're trying to humanize her.

[B]

Is that a thing?

[A]

Yeah. I feel like it was Silence of the Lambs when they. When they get on. When they're. The parents are talking about the name of the. The. The one. Their chick that traps his dog. Oh, no. Your dog's in a lot of pain, sir. Mister, that chick, her parents are on tv.

[B]

I've only seen it.

[A]

They're, like, using her name.

[B]

When I saw Silence of the Lambs, I was so scared. I was mad that I was watching it. Oh, when she's in the dark.

[A]

That's good. Yeah.

[B]

I love your line.

[A]

That's a good. Good.

[B]

It's a good movie.

[A]

That's a. Yeah.

[B]

I'll never watch it again.

[A]

Hold on.

[B]

Hit it.

[A]

What did you like?

[B]

I liked when you said that Putin is the bartender in the Shining.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Putin's balls are the bartender.

[B]

Putin's balls are the bartender in the ch. Just stirring up trouble.

[A]

Our joints eject.

[B]

Our.

[A]

Our bodies turn to mush, and our balls are serving drinks the whole time.

[B]

I also want a little love for finding the return to innocence in my brain.

[A]

You got that?

[B]

There was a time in the 90s that white folks couldn't get enough of, like, kind of like a. A New agey song, but with, like, a. Oh, yeah. Remember, like, chant? There'd just be, like, chant monks.

[A]

Like, we are sitting in the diner having coffee, and it's great. I don't know.

[B]

But instead, I stir my coffee. Wow. All right.

[A]

He is begging for my money, and I don't have none to give him. So I go and buy more coffee. And I like my fucking coffee. Drink my coffee quickly because here comes one more beggar, and I don't want to make. I can't. So instead, I stir my milk.

[B]

Phil Collins loved it. Little Kermit at the end there.

[A]

Milk, milk.

[B]

Instead I stirred my milk. Miss Piggy.

[A]

That's my jam. Phil Collins.

[B]

Phil Collins. Another Day in Paradise. Remember that song?

[A]

How does he go? He calls out to the man on the street.

[B]

He says, sir, can you help me? It was back in the 90s. We didn't know how to feel about all the homeless stuff. We still don't. But Phil Collins was like, here, I'll help. Oh, think twice. It's just another day for you and me in paradise oh, think twice and.

[A]

I don't know the next one. Yeah.

[B]

I think he just says it again.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. White people went real R, B adjacent there.

[B]

That's what it was.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

S and C, those are the letters next to R and B.

[A]

That's near autism right there.

[B]

I think we just brushed against autism. You know how I think I. How? I show up as autistic. A little. A little autistic. Y. And as a married man, I wonder if you can relate. Sometimes my wife touches me. Anybody touches me. And I'm just like. I can't right now.

[A]

On the face.

[B]

Anywhere.

[A]

Anywhere on your body, but definitely on my face. That's why you keep kicking me with the bottom of your shoe.

[B]

Well, yeah. I want you to have a pre plague that I' walk through. Do you ever get that?

[A]

No. I used to with my face. I used to with my face.

[B]

That's what made me think maybe you did.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, this happened to me yesterday. I got off. I was on the plane. And that's where I am a rule follower when it comes down to like. I don't have another choice. My only choice is for the law to be obeyed.

[B]

I agree. Turn your. These people texting bolden when you can just get on the WI fi. They give you free texting. WI fi now still people have got that LTE up there. Just kind of fucking with the instruments.

[A]

Fucking with instruments.

[B]

So you can send. What are you gonna send?

[A]

This is the one.

[B]

I think this is the end because I fucking broke the couple.

[A]

I was on a window seat. Couple wouldn't get up. People are streaming by us. They're getting off the plane. Out of order.

[B]

Wait, you're at the window seat?

[A]

I'm at the window seat. My row. It's my rows. Turn.

[B]

Turn to exit.

[A]

To exit the plane.

[B]

Nate.

[A]

People are.

[B]

I'm not a jerk. I will never let. Unless it's a connection and never.

[A]

I don't. It could be a.

[B]

You're supposed to let the connections go.

[A]

But connections. The connections. The connections.

[B]

I understand, but I. I see those people. They're. They're. They're trying to win by a nose. You know what I mean? They're coming in.

[A]

This is not going to make.

[B]

Step into the aisle and. And block.

[A]

This is not going to make a difference for you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What needs to be upheld is the integrity of the unwritten rules of the airplane.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

And this isn't to be fair. I bet it's A written rule.

[B]

It's not the end of a movie where you can all. Some are going to watch the credits. Some are going to stay for the Little Marvel.

[A]

They're just intoxicated by that open aisle off the plane. And I get that. That I get. You have to. You have to say no to that.

[B]

You mean they're trying to have, like, a Catholic kind of restraint.

[A]

They see, they're right there. These people are here. These people are here. I could get right there.

[B]

I could.

[A]

Maybe.

[B]

It is a deep spiritual practice. There's a lot of opportunities to, like, become enlightened. No, become enlightened at the airplane. In an airplane and at the airport.

[A]

Just accept.

[B]

Let people go in front of you.

[A]

Your place.

[B]

I still can't do it. I'm like, I gotta get on or.

[A]

But I'm still. I'm. See, I'm putting what you're saying in the context of following the rules. Like, just let. Don't worry about you. Wait your turn.

[B]

Your way. Well, this is what I always say. When Val came with me to Manhattan, I was like. I always. The. I always remember telling her, the way to be polite here is to be rude. And it's the same on an airplane. Be rude. Get out.

[A]

Go, go.

[B]

Don't be there. Whittling going. Like, we're all getting off eventually. No, you're up the system.

[A]

Move up. Yeah, move up. Same with traffic.

[B]

Yeah, that's right.

[A]

Same with traffic.

[B]

You're trying to be helpful.

[A]

Aggressive. Got to be aggressive. Got to B A J J, R.

[B]

I, S, S I V, E R. Senator is named Diane Goggins. Diane Feinstein and David Goggins.

[A]

No, not David Goggins.

[B]

Ultra marathoner David Goggins. No, no, no. That's our senator, right?

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

Yeah, he ran with a broken leg.

[A]

That's not what happened, Peter, by the.

[B]

Way, with my parents. As I say, the most basic thing about David Goggins, all this work that we put into our. Making movies or TV or whatever it is. Just know to most of the country, you're just whatever the number one headline is. You know what I mean? Like, just whatever. The most basic thing about you is, like, David Goggin, broken leg. Bill Burr. Didn't he yell at people in Philadelphia? Just anybody. Anybody.

[A]

Not Star Wars.

[B]

Well, you know, with Pee Wee Herman dying. I know. My parents are like, didn't he jerk off in a theater? You know, like, that's. That's what it is. Yes, definitely. Rest in peace. What a. What an influence and a beautiful person. But he made that mistake.

[A]

That's.

[B]

That's the head. There's a lot of people that are just, you know, and that's okay. That's what entertainment is to them. It's just. It's just something they sip on their way. Following a young couple that just cut them off. Can you tell me, Nate, any new thoughts on. Tell me how your thoughts on God? Do you have any new spiritual feelings? You're a married man now. It's been nine years since you're on the show.

[A]

I. This is. Well, this is my mantra in yoga.

[B]

Mantra.

[A]

Mantra.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

My. This is my favorite mantra. This is my favorite monster.

[B]

Yeah, he's dusty.

[A]

I. Strength, symmetry, clarity and forgiveness. And that has kind of come. That has kind of come.

[B]

I'm sorry. Am I a screening of the new 300 movie? That's.

[A]

That's what I wanted for myself.

[B]

Health, strength, symmetry.

[A]

Claire. Because I am doing physical. It is a physical meditation in yoga.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Not that I do a lot of it, but like, I try to do. I think it's really benefited me as a person.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Centering the human body and what that has become is. I will. They will. They'll say. Sometimes they'll say, think about someone, you know, focus on someone and. And send them good thoughts. And I always have chosen somebody that I love. I care very much about. Right. And friends and family and all that. But what I've been doing in more recent years is forcing myself to think about someone that really causes me anxiety or stress.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And just treating them exactly like the people that I love. Because in reality, it's. Is that, you know. And that's, you know, pretty humbling.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, that's it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Loving kindness. It's bush league. To love people that are kind and.

[A]

Generous to you, that do something for you. Yeah. It's self serving.

[B]

It's also. It's. Yeah, it's. Self serving is better than narcissistic. Yeah, it's self serving. It's like, oh, good for you. You love your kids.

[A]

Right.

[B]

When they're young and little. And you're supposed to. Yeah, you're supposed to love your kid. Exactly. Hilarious looking pinub. But like, loving the difficult people in your life.

[A]

Well, that's rock. That's. Speaking of Louis.

[B]

I didn't think it was anyone.

[A]

That's the end of the bit, I think is, you know, he's like. He's like. That might be different specials, but that's a. I think that's a CK joke in bigger and blacker when he's like, you're. You know, in rock. Bigger and blacker. Yeah. By Chris Rock. But I think CK Rock wrote a lot of that.

[B]

He did.

[A]

I think he wrote some of it or. Yeah.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. I think he's got. I think it's written by Chris Rock and Louis C.K. i'm not. I'd have to go back and check, but. But, like, there's one line that I'm like, oh, that was for sure, CK Where. Where Rock is like. You know, women be like, I could raise a man with. I could raise a kid without my man. I don't need no man to raise a kid. Or she's like, yeah, well, you're you. And then. What's goddamn up? The joke? He goes, you can drive a. You can drive a car with your feet. It doesn't mean it's to be done with your hands. No, you can drive a car with your feet. It doesn't mean it's to be done. What do you mean?

[B]

Like the Flintstones.

[A]

You can drive a car with your feet.

[B]

Oh, I'm like, you do drive a car with your feet. The pedals.

[A]

No, it's. It doesn't mean it's to be done. Yeah, it's pretty clean.

[B]

Steer a car, right?

[A]

It's. You could. Yeah, yeah. It's. It's a pretty. It's a. I would. It's a very specific.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Execution of the joke.

[B]

Yeah, no, I hear you.

[A]

And it's like.

[B]

Like.

[A]

Anyway, sorry I interrupted you.

[B]

You didn't. Did you?

[A]

Yeah, I did. I totally interrupted you and went on my own story, but I liked it.

[B]

I did.

[A]

What?

[B]

We're just talking about purity, excellence, fortitude.

[A]

Strength, symmetry, clarity and forgiveness.

[B]

So take me through all those.

[A]

Just. Well, strength, because it feels good. It makes you feel strong, incapable, and it placates my human existence. Yeah, symmetry. Because I think that's something that I forget about.

[B]

What does that mean? Like, balance.

[A]

Balance. Yeah, balance. And it's not just, like, doing everything I can do with my right arm, with my left arm. It's. That also kind of projects onto kind of the balance that you need in your life. You know, thinking about people that have wronged you just as much as you think about people that have helped you in a good light and trying to kind of, you know, that's beautiful. And then clarity is.

[B]

Oh, that's how we got into that bit.

[A]

Clarity is, like, obvious, you know, just not being distracted, being lucid, not being interrupted by your own distractions when trying to explain what you mean by clarity.

[B]

Yeah, There you go.

[A]

And then.

[B]

But single point focus. Like focused is another way to put it. I suppose.

[A]

Yeah. Right. Right. Yeah. Yeah. Focusing on what you're doing.

[B]

It doesn't mean. Are you still clarity about what you're doing?

[A]

I still drink. Yeah, totally. Yeah, I do. And then. And totally, I've been.

[B]

I. I'm just curious because clarity does sound like a sober word to me.

[A]

Right. Yeah, I guess I didn't think about that.

[B]

I was just. No, no. This isn't judgment or saying you can't use the word clarity.

[A]

Oh, buddy. I know.

[B]

I was curious if there was a secret.

[A]

It's a fascinating conversation.

[B]

Is it?

[A]

Yeah. Alcohol for me.

[B]

Tell me.

[A]

I mean, there's a large part of me that thinks I should quit. There's a large part of me that says I will not be on this earth long enough to have the audacity to stop drinking wine, period.

[B]

Wine is great, Mark. It's even you just saying wine, wine as if it's special.

[A]

It's. It is special. It's biblical. It's great. They pair it with all our favorite wine.

[B]

Loves that wine loves. You know how excited Big wine was when Jesus was like, let's have some wine. They were like, yeah, yeah. They were so thrilled.

[A]

He's making our shit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's coming out of him.

[B]

His first miracle was making their product. They were set. That doesn't mean it's not just booze.

[A]

It's booze. It's delicious booze. It's.

[B]

I understand.

[A]

It's delicious booze. And I mean, if I ever. If I ever stop drinking wine, I'm gonna stop eating red meat as well.

[B]

I see.

[A]

Because I don't eat red meat without red wine. I think it's disrespectful to the animal. I'm serious. I think it's disrespectful to the animal. No, I think it's.

[B]

I'm serious.

[A]

No, I'm serious. No, yeah, I see. I got it.

[B]

Gonna drink. Eat the cow without the grapes. Get the grapes.

[A]

No, I'm serious.

[B]

Why? You can't possibly be serious.

[A]

I am serious. I'm dead serious about that. I. I think that if. Why do I want a steak if I don't have a glass of wine with it? I have no need for a steak if I'm not drinking a big, beautiful glass of beautiful red wine with a beautiful red wine.

[B]

For red wine.

[A]

We love the wine.

[B]

We have the wine. I really need more than that. That's just saying how you Feel.

[A]

Compliments. It's the flavors. The flavors, yes, Absolutely.

[B]

Just. I just don't buy it. Like, the people that love wine and the flavors of, like, we could get those flavors with a blend of grape juices.

[A]

Well, let me put it this way.

[B]

Getting drunk.

[A]

Let me put it this way. Let me put it this way. I think that there is, by my assessment, the downside of raising and eating red meat with 9 billion people on the planet. It's not sustainable. It's not. So in order to do it at the level that I think is the most best enjoyment of it, it's got to be with a glass of wine. Otherwise, I don't feel like it's. I don't feel like it's. It's.

[B]

I see what you're saying.

[A]

I'm going to get in the most. Most. I don't, I'm not. I gotta squeeze the juice.

[B]

You're making it special. You're saying, I don't want to smoke a cigar in a cab. Right. You're gonna smoke it on the balcony.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Of a log cabin in Aspen. I get it.

[A]

With a glass of scotch.

[B]

And alcohol shows up again.

[A]

Yeah. I think that's, I mean, it really does heighten my enjoyment of certain things. There's a reason why it's paired with certain things.

[B]

I understand.

[A]

And also, side note, I don't often, unless I'm like, Like, I don't really drink whiskey anymore just to drink. I'm too old for that. I've shifted to tequila. But if I am going to drink bourbon, I like chocolate.

[B]

Chocolate and bourbon together.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

These are interesting.

[A]

Yeah, it's very, it's very intense pleasure to do that earlier.

[B]

Very intense.

[A]

It's very intense pleasure.

[B]

Something about that was so honest. That's what made me laugh.

[A]

I, I, I just, the look on your face. Pleasure.

[B]

It was just really.

[A]

I could stop. I could give up beer. I could give up booze. It's gonna be a hard. It's gonna be a, A long, long day when I stop drinking wine. I just think it's the best thing that humans have ever done.

[B]

Wine.

[A]

Wine.

[B]

Interesting. Spoken from somebody who doesn't have heartburn, apparently.

[A]

We're a, We're a lowly. We're a low. We're a lowly. And why we found out. I mean, there's, it's just so complex. It's so complex. It makes us feel better for a fleeting moment.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In a way that's like.

[B]

And then worse. Yes.

[A]

Maybe if you overdo it. Yes. But there's A sweet spot, just like caffeine.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Which you've also been able to give up. Peter, Good job.

[B]

No, I drink caffeine.

[A]

You drink caffeine?

[B]

I do.

[A]

Okay. What do you drink? You drink.

[B]

Yeah. By the way, pal, I completely understand what you're saying.

[A]

Call me. Listen here, pal. Pal.

[B]

Cheese.

[A]

Chief. Chief. Give it to me.

[B]

That was a sincere pal. There's Pal. That's like, you know, it was a.

[A]

Sincere pal leading into you having figured out something else about the world.

[B]

Definitely not. I was trying to say. That's not the attitude that I'm coming at you.

[A]

Okay. All right.

[B]

Okay. I don't feel that it is.

[A]

I'll say I appreciate the retraction.

[B]

I just. I guess what I'm saying is I used to get so into the. The. The retraction and the flavors and the regions and all that stuff and it.

[A]

With coffee?

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

With wine. Yeah.

[B]

I'd buy books about it. Would buy a case of wine and do tastings, and I was like, I'm an alcoholic. You know what I mean? I'm just like. That's just a. It's just a fancy way of. Of doing the same drug is what I'm saying.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

That's. That's. I guess that is the judgment, if you want to get at it.

[A]

Oh, yeah. No, I. This is never. This has not. Not been an attack for the last 45 seconds.

[B]

I.

[A]

But hold on now. Let me.

[B]

But that sucks. I don't want to attack.

[A]

No, you're not. But let me ask you this.

[B]

You know what it is I'm bristling against?

[A]

It's a fascinating conversation.

[B]

I'm bristling against the way it was for me, not the way it is for you.

[A]

No, no, no. I. And I get it. And I'm. I'm. I'm not. I wouldn't dare to say that there aren't the exact same components in my own relationship with alcohol and wine, more.

[B]

Specifically, such an addictive substance.

[A]

It really is. And I. But here's. Let me push back just a little bit.

[B]

Bit.

[A]

Is there room for that, buddy?

[B]

Let me. Okay. I'll tell you something. I occasionally chew Nicorette, which is an addictive substance. Nicotine. I do it when I write.

[A]

Wow. Yeah. It's a stimulant for you. You never smoke.

[B]

Stimulant? Never.

[A]

You have never smoked.

[B]

Yeah, I've never smoked Nicorette. And I'll chew.

[A]

When did you get turn.

[B]

Who.

[A]

What crack dealer gave you your first piece of Nicorette?

[B]

I put it together. I was like, when I smoke a cigar, I feel fantastic. Why? I go, it's. Oh, nicotine. I'm gonna Google what nicotine does. It's a mood elevator. It's a nootropic. Helps you focus. Why do so many people write while they smoke? I was like, well, I don't want any of the death. I'll just chew Nicorette. So I did.

[A]

Smart.

[B]

And here's. Well, there's actually. Look, I can't vouch for these people.

[A]

You got a stash of Nicorette in your house?

[B]

Of course. In my drawer.

[A]

Your drug drawer.

[B]

And it's in a time lock safe. I actually put it in a time lock safe. I am. Well, I'm trying to join you. I'm saying in the height of really enjoying a piece of Nicorette while I'm writing, and it makes my fingers snap on the keys. I'm writing too much.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

Literally. I have to go back in a non Nicorette state.

[A]

Take it down. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You're like, wow, but that's great. I'm like, look, I'm making all this marble.

[A]

I know for a fact. I really love Nicorette.

[B]

Val was like, pete, you wrote your whole book on nicotine. She's like, that's a nicotine book. And I was like, yeah, that's how you people ask you, how do you write a book? I'm like, nicotine helps. I'm not saying that's the only thing that helps. You can also go for a walk beforehand. But it's a lot easier to just throw in a piece of nigger at. And when I'm in the throes of really enjoying these things that I'm addicted to coffee and nicotine. I wouldn't say I'm addicted to nicotine, though, because I don't write every day, and I only chew it on days that I write. And that breaks down to about two days a week.

[A]

You know who loves this whole speech?

[B]

Tell me.

[A]

Big Nicotine.

[B]

That's right. If. Jesus.

[A]

Big Nick. Second Big Nick is up there.

[B]

Just like Big Nick.

[A]

Oh, let's send Pete a fruit basket infused with nicotine.

[B]

I've gone back and forth, too.

[A]

I'll.

[B]

I'll preach the other side of it, too. My thing with nicotine is keep it under 4 milligrams a day, which is barely one cigarette. So you're having barely any. And if I. And I only do it when I write, I have to be in my chair, final draft open, looking at a script that I'm resisting writing. And then I'll chew it. And if I'm at a party and I want a piece, if I'm in a plane and I'm grumpy and I want a piece, you don't get any. Because as soon as you take that little piece out of the. Out of the wall, the whole thing comes crumbling down and I go back to chewing 35 pieces a day and being a complete addict. But when I was addicted, and this goes back to what I've been trying to say to you, I go, what's the difference between being addicted to something and something just being incredible?

[A]

You know what I mean? Hold up.

[B]

That's how I feel about coffee.

[A]

You said you go back to 35 pieces a day. Did you ever get to a point.

[B]

Where you were like, oh, yeah.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I used to chew it constantly.

[A]

You were crush. Crushing nicotine.

[B]

Crushing it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I shot the entire Howie Roll pilot with a piece of nicotine in nicorette in my mouth.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Got like. I was. I did. And then when we got picked up, I quit because I was like this. So I've done that a couple times, and now I'm on the 4mg or less a day. And I go days without it, without any. But that's. I. I looked up someone else to do this. This doctor. I forget his name. I found him through Andrew Huberman's podcast, but it was a guest, and he was talking about how he does it between four and eight. Only when he's writing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, okay, I'll do that. But. But the point, believe it or not, of all that was to say that when you love. It's easier with coffee because nicotine is weird. But coffee, when I. You know what my last thought of the day is most days. Pretty excited for tomorrow's coffee.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that is one of the great gifts of life. So I'm trying to join in brotherhood. I appreciate saying, yeah, alcohol is addictive. So is fat. So is sugar.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So is sex. So there's a lot of things. Pleasure things.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Obviously not everybody's addicted to those things, but they can be addictive. So when you go, I can't wait to eat that steak and have that glass of red wine. If you can not have the bottle and then another bottle, which is what I would do. Yeah. I can say, God love you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

For what it's worth, you don't need my stamp of approval.

[A]

I also draw the line at 35 pieces of nicotine gum when it Comes to. When it comes to alcohol, I'm, I'm. I have a. I've been pretty fortunate. I feel like I have a pretty healthy. I wouldn't say healthy. I feel like I know where the.

[B]

Line is and that's, that's healthy for you.

[A]

And I love, I love having pops with people. Like, it's, it's so social for me. Like if I see somebody and they want to have a drink, I'm. Let's have a. And drink. I missed you. I haven't seen you in months or years. Like, let's.

[B]

One of my favorite things. I haven't gone through the program, but they have that like, it works till it doesn't thing.

[A]

Till it doesn't.

[B]

Yeah, I like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I. Because it's a denial to say that it doesn't sort of work. You know what I mean? Have. If you and I went out and had a drink, we might go a little bit deeper.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But then old homesy, he's going to go home, he's going to keep drinking. Like it's, it's an issue.

[A]

See, I see. And this is something I recently as. As you know, I wish somebody would have told me about. Just club soda. Just switch to. After you're done drinking booze, you get home. After party, just go to Lacroix, start drinking Lacroix. Yeah. You're getting the same thing. The same. It's all.

[B]

It's the booze you don't need. Yeah.

[A]

You don't need that booze. I could have done that back in my 20s, dude. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You don't need the extra booze. You're just like, we got to go. We got to keep. Or it ends. It's all over. It's just like, shut up, you.

[B]

I completely, I completely agree.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's really hard to do though, especially if you're addicted to alcohol.

[A]

Addicted. Right. Okay. So then that's why I feel like I'm relatively in a good place. A place that I. Where I don't have to kind of like, you know, confront this with unnecessary self scrutiny because then that's just an exercise in like controlling.

[B]

But you love the weed smoke. There's a lot of references to weed smoke in your special.

[A]

I.

[B]

And there was.

[A]

I smoke weed. I smoke it probably less than I drink drink, but okay, like, I'll smoke it. I like to smoke it when I golf. Yeah. I like to smoke it if I'm on like whatever. It's. It's more sparing.

[B]

I've just been trying to Think of weed and golf puns.

[A]

But yeah.

[B]

4:20.

[A]

Yeah, okay. It's. It's. Alcohol is terrible. I'm gonna.

[B]

If I. I'm gonna hit myself. Hold on. I have to hit myself in the dick.

[A]

We'll edit it out.

[B]

No, no, I have to hit myself with the dick.

[A]

Well, then we.

[B]

The only way learned.

[A]

What I did.

[B]

Hit my dick, not my balls.

[A]

It didn't hurt.

[B]

I got a big old coiled up anaconda that was totally fine.

[A]

Good lord. JK just. No, you're not jk.

[B]

Middle. Do I have bd?

[A]

It's. Well, you can't see. I can see your hog.

[B]

This isn't dick.

[A]

It's weeping.

[B]

This is just. That's just pants.

[A]

I'm not looking up there. I'm looking. I know where to look. I know where to find. Behind it.

[B]

The middle third.

[A]

I know where an anaconda hides.

[B]

Middle third.

[A]

Middle third.

[B]

When you said middle third, I was like, that's kind of a big, big joke.

[A]

Oh, I would.

[B]

Because if you can spare a third, the middle third.

[A]

I would bet the middle third of.

[B]

My dick a workable ding dong.

[A]

Well, it's just a. I mean, it's just another way to say, chop my dick off.

[B]

Yeah, no, I know.

[A]

Trust talking.

[B]

That's a line from a special but.

[A]

Live at the Green Mill, available now on all things comedy. I. My wife would kill me if I quit drinking.

[B]

That's interesting.

[A]

Yep. Just because we. That's our favorite thing to do is just make a beautiful meal, have a bottle of wine. We don't even need to drink the whole thing, but if it's nice food, celebrate it with a glass of wine. I really, really. It means that means a lot to us. We just enjoy it, and that's awesome. She married a good time.

[B]

She married a good time. It's interesting. If I were your therapist, I'd say two things. I find that very significant. What you just said.

[A]

2.

[B]

Isn't Nate a good time?

[A]

Nate is a good time. Nate is a good time. That's. It's a joke. That's why it's a joke, because it is pretty presumptuous. I guess. Yes.

[B]

I wonder if that's true. I want you to ask your wife if that's true. Say, would you leave me if I quit drinking?

[A]

Oh, we've talked about it. We talk about a ton.

[B]

Who do you marry? Captain Morgan.

[A]

No.

[B]

You be not sipping me rum.

[A]

You walk the plank. You find a boat that runs on sobriety.

[B]

Wait, you've talked with your wife and you Were like, you'd leave me if I stopped drinking.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no. That was not her line. That's mine. That's my quip. No, she is probably gonna have to stop drinking for med school. Like, we've definitely talked about, like, definitely taking long breaks, and if not, quitting. And it's just like, well, we really do enjoy wine with food. It's like, I don't know if I. If.

[B]

Yeah, you know, if you were talking to Mario Batali, you'd be having such a better time. You know what I mean?

[A]

Look here.

[B]

I just had, like, a classy earring, and I look like a street fighter boss, and I'm just.

[A]

Just like.

[B]

I know. You gotta have the wine so much better.

[A]

What good is my wife's pirate ship if we can't blow holes in.

[B]

To your point, I am being more of a bummer. And if I don't like feeling this uptight, and I don't feel uptight, but I feel like I'm sounding uptight.

[A]

No, no, no. I mean, without question, the. It takes a tremendous amount of work to be. To quit drinking. Just from the people that I know that have done it, it's incredible. It's remarkable. It's admirable, and it is. Is clearly a benefit to their careers.

[B]

Oh, interesting.

[A]

Across the board. I mean, like, so there's always that.

[B]

Yeah. I want to say something. I love you. And I love you. I don't want you to change. I think you're doing great. This isn't. This. This has the flavor of, like, I can't wait to ask Nate about his drinking. I love you. I love who you are.

[A]

Thank you, buddy. I love you, too.

[B]

And I don't want any. Any you walking out, being like, I feel like Pete wants me to change.

[A]

X. Y. I know. I. That's not what I'm getting.

[B]

That's under there.

[A]

That's not what I'm getting.

[B]

That's not what's happening.

[A]

I know you're not. I know that you have a cult and you're. I can. I can. I can join it if I want.

[B]

I know the members of my cult all sneak out and have a few pops.

[A]

They have some pops and they come back. I'm here for those weirdos.

[B]

Don't talk to old homesy.

[A]

Come see me in Austin and Ann Arbor and Chicago and in all Cleveland.

[B]

And where are you playing in Chicago?

[A]

The Lincoln Lodge. I'm doing the Lincoln Lodge Labor Day weekend. The first and second. Yeah. Have you been to the new lodge?

[B]

There's a new lodge.

[A]

They redid the lodge. It's fantastic.

[B]

Really.

[A]

It's what it always was. Growing to be. Yeah. Dude.

[B]

Ceiling PA and a pan.

[A]

They got it. It's. They got three theater, three little spaces. One of the main rooms, a full on functioning awesome room club. Perfect ceilings, perfect stage, perfect sound, perfect aesthetic. And then they have like 250 seaters and it's dope.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. And they got people there, like tons of. I mean, you know how comedy is now. It's not like when we started it, we were like the only dorks in town.

[B]

Carney's juggling cabbages.

[A]

And then now it's like, it's like. It's a cool kid thing now.

[B]

Oh, it's like a prudent investment. Fathers across the country are like, why couldn't you go in the. Don't you care about your future? Put together a new hour.

[A]

You're never going to make it if you don't make sense of it all.

[B]

Sure, dabble in improv, but focus on the meat and potatoes.

[A]

You can tour. CAA has a department for you. There's no department in yes. And the numbers are not in your favor. Sketch. Who are you gonna get to read your sketch? Pilot.

[B]

You can't split $75 12 ways. You take that 75 and you bank it. Enterprise gets 50 and the rest is for you.

[A]

You do stand up. You keep all the cash and all.

[B]

The drink to tickets and you get to do it. Here's my thing about improv standup is I never met an improv team that wanted to perform as much as I did. You know what I mean? I was like, we're just making it up. We should do shows every night. But it was too much production. Getting the word out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Getting a space fucking sucks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If you want to do it all.

[A]

The time, you can do it yourself. Yeah. You don't have to ask anybody.

[B]

And you can be as tenacious as you are. Instead of improv, teams are only as committed as the least committed person. Right, Right. Which is always just the guy who's there for the beer.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There.

[A]

Unfortunately, the funniest guy in the group almost always. Always.

[B]

But doesn't have that compulsion.

[A]

Doesn't have the compulsion.

[B]

Full circle.

[A]

Doesn't want it. No work ethic.

[B]

Kim Kardashian never emptied a vacuum bag. A lot of memorable lines.

[A]

Thank you, buddy. Yeah.

[B]

Let me ask you this. Let me ask you this. And then we'll. We'll wrap it. We'll wrap it. Can you tell me a Time in your life that you laughed so hard, you were crying, laughing, your belly hurt, you fell over.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Just like maybe the hardest laugh of your life, but it doesn't have to be the hardest laugh of your life.

[A]

I have one talk about my fourth of July party. There was one with. There was a whole night with Kyle. That was Kanane. Yes, that was. He showed up late. He had hurt his leg or something. I hurt my leg. He. Or it was like his first bout with gout or something like that. He did for a while, you know, like Kyle. It's some Kyle.

[B]

So perfect.

[A]

Uncle Barbecue dude. It's like, he's so.

[B]

He has gout.

[A]

I love that guy. Dude, he just bought a house in Portland. It's great. And Kyle's crushing it.

[B]

He moved to Portland.

[A]

He did. He moved to Portland in the pandemic. And then like, I think he just lives in Portland. He lives in Portland now.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Just ripping it up there. The scene's great. So he, you know, it's all he needs. He did his. He did his six specials, you know, like, wow. And he'll probably do more. He'll keep doing them. But like, he came over late, like after the party, and. And I fed him a bunch of mushrooms and we just like shroomed out for the whole night. And like, he had his friends meet us there. And they had been. I think they came from different places. So his friends, his buddies from Chicago were. One of them was like completely tossed, and then the other one ate mushrooms with us and he disappeared into the neighborhood. So it was just this kind of like the neighborhood. It was just this. I mean. Well, I. You know, you've been to my house. It was. It's kind of a fun neighborhood, especially on the 4th. Yeah. It's disappearable.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? It's like. Especially if you're on.

[B]

You didn't loose him in like a strangers things?

[A]

No, no. He. He went on a mission, you know, And. And. And so we just wind up like we were just sitting kind of away. I don't know if we had hung out in a while or whatever. And we were sitting on like. I don't want to name the guy's name, but a buddy of ours had passed out on my couch and like, we were out, we were drinking. There was a couple of us around my table in my yard there, and he gets up and he comes out sleepwalking and takes his dick out towards us. And we're like, where's this gonna. And just heavy pees into my succulent plant. Like a long piss.

[B]

Like an indoor, an outdoor.

[A]

He was, he was on my. At my doorway, got off my couch, walked to the outside at least, thank God. And then pissed into my succulent sleep.

[B]

Pissed.

[A]

Long heavy sleep Piss.

[B]

Yeah, like ropey.

[A]

Ropey. You know, heavy. Nobody's watching piss dick.

[B]

He had a. Nobody's watching pistol.

[A]

Nobody's watching heavy piss dick. Late night night. Yeah. You know, I'm alone my dick after dark.

[B]

Yes. The way Herman's piss just.

[A]

Just a heavy hermit pee. You know, piss like nobody's watching is what. Is all. Is all we want for anybody.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

And I mean he pissed like nobody was watching. And we were. Not only were we watching, we were all falling out of our chairs. I mean we were just like. We could not. It was. It was in the middle of a conversation and he. It was like. We were just. We like tried to like talk to him because eyes open. Open eyes open. Sleepwalking and like not. No eye contact with us. We were like. And just direct piss. And then it took, you know, a nice long piss can take.

[B]

Oh sure.

[A]

Of 60 passed out. You're passed out drinking all day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean that's a 60 second. And we just. And so. So the. So the laughter didn't start to stop until the piss ended.

[B]

The laughter didn't start to stop until the piss.

[A]

And that's a long laugh.

[B]

That's a great opening line to your book.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The laughter didn't stop until the piss.

[A]

Stop until the piss ended.

[B]

The laughter didn't start to stop until the piss ended.

[A]

Yeah. And then another laugh that we had that night which was. Which at this point we had almost. We almost threw up with the piss laugh. The. Another laugh. His. So is his drunk. Drunk friend was like puke drunk, trying to gather himself like sitting in a. And he like went off and sat back in the back by my back alley past the gate there, if you remember that. And like, like and my neighbor Gerald plays the trumpet all the time and he's like kind of self taught trumpet player. And like we like, we like were out looking for his friend and we came back and. And we turned the corner to come into my courtyard and his buddy Dom was like sitting there just like kind of leaning like, but like you know, trying not to vomit and like blackout drunk and like. And my neighbor is trying to. Is a sweet man. He's a Buddhist. He like is like very much offering.

[B]

Things to you self taught Buddhist.

[A]

Self taught Buddhist trumpet player. And like, he's like, Katie, do you ever meet him? Viral. My neighbor, the black Gerald. Yeah, he's. He was always there. He was always, like. He just always, like. He was grilled chicken for people. He would, like, always give people things. And, like, he would. If you would. Wanted to chant with him, people would go into his house and, like, in, like, Namyo renge kyo like, with them. And like. And, like. And he's the sweetest guy, but he was playing the horn for Dom, and he. He literally was playing a trumpet into Dom's face. It was like, the last thing you would want if you were trying to. If you were trying to not puke, you know, it was just like. And that's what we. Me and Kyle.

[B]

Trumpet be cooling.

[A]

No, it wasn't. It was like he. It was just. He just wanted to do something for this sick young man that was like, at his house and trying. We see this guy just blaring a trumpet into his friend's face, and we just. Again, same night.

[B]

Fantastic. It's reminding me of your closer. I won't do it. But people have to listen to Live at the Green Mill.

[A]

Live at the Green Mill.

[B]

It's a great closer.

[A]

Thank you, buddy. That story. Oh, yeah. Y Y. Y.

[B]

True.

[A]

True story. True story.

[B]

Cop asked for a joke.

[A]

Joke. Let me hear. I want to hear a joke first. First. Real prick. He meant it too. He. But then. And I was like, all right, well, then I'm mean, this joke then. And then. And then. And he liked it. And it worked. And I bounced.

[B]

I probably. Yeah, yeah, I get it.

[A]

I was. I was. I mean, I was had. I had. I was glad I had one. I. You know, people ask you for a joke. I don't remember street jokes, so I'm like, yeah, it's not how this works.

[B]

I got. It's funny that I was clearly advocating stopping drinking, but I was a little stoned the other night. Night. And I told Val every street joke that I could remember. And we were laughing hard. There's a hole in the ground. These two hunters come upon it. There's a hole in the ground. And they're like, that's the deepest hole I've ever seen. How deep do you think that hole is?

[A]

They're like, I don't know.

[B]

Throw that rock in. We'll see how long it takes to hit the bottom. They throw this rock in the hole. Takes forever. And then finally, wow. That's the deepest hole I've ever seen. It took like, 30 seconds. Seconds. And out of nowhere, faster. Than lightning. A goat comes charging between them, knocks them apart, goes headfirst directly into the hole, falls down. They're like, what the fuck? Couple minutes pass, a farmer walks up. He goes, have you guys seen a goat? They're like, I don't. I don't know.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

He's like, hey, he's got to be around here somewhere. I tied him to that rock. It's stupid. I shouldn't have said that rock. A rock?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Implied the rock was still there.

[A]

Can't miss him. He's tied to a big rock.

[B]

Yeah, you can't miss him. I tied him to a big rock.

[A]

Yeah. There you go.

[B]

There it is. The end. How do you feel?

[A]

I feel fantastic, buddy. It's really great to see you.

[B]

It's great to see you. You should be really, really proud of your special.

[A]

Thank you, bud. Dude, that means a lot. I love it because we've known each other for a long, long time, and it's been awesome to watch you this whole time. So even talking about comedy is just a real blast in the past and a real gift, to be honest with you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I love it. It does make. Does make it. There's so many things about this business that are, like I said, distractions and, like, you know, tedious and all that, but, like, sitting down with. With people you're fans of and people who, you know, work so hard to be so hilarious is, like. It's such a. It's nice to just be able to have any kind of understanding about it is. At all.

[B]

Yeah, I get it.

[A]

It's very difficult, and it's like. It's like, at this point in my career, I'm like. I'm so grateful to, like, get the. Be at peace with, like, what it is about comedy that I like. That is not just me fixing myself.

[B]

Yeah, that. Yeah.

[A]

It's like. Because it's. There's two. There's two. There's a beautiful part of it. It's a very beautiful part of it. It's like, hey, I fucking had these thoughts that I want you to. I would love for you to see.

[B]

These thoughts and that you worked on to make other people delighted. It's very special, and that's why I appreciated the work and the craft of it. And Ed and he just did a really great job. You should be really proud of it. I am.

[A]

Well, the Green Mill helped. That place is. I mean, it looks right.

[B]

It does look great. And standing behind the bar.

[A]

I'm standing behind the bar. Yeah. Yeah. It was the Obvious choice. And it also opens it up. It's like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

As opposed to just 180.

[B]

Are there really bullet holes in the wall?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

From Capone?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah. They came for. They came for that dude at that. It came from everywhere, but, like, there's. That. There's a tunnel under that stage to get him out of there.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. The guys that shot it, Hunter Connor's Herm and Jack Whaley are the. The director of photography. And then my guy whose crew came down to shoot it and they made it look gorgeous. I was like, we're doing the green. I was like, have you ever been there? And I don't know if he had or not, but they scouted it and they were like, this is going to be great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's like, it's such. Such a dope spot. I didn't want the Green Mill sign to be, like, to dominate also. I thought the bar was the best choice just for the sight lines.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, like, also that. It's way better in the background. I think it really.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

It really lends itself.

[B]

I'm going to be honest with you. My penis has hurt since I hit it.

[A]

You hit your dick?

[B]

Well, I thought it was Steve.

[A]

Do you even remember the shitty joke you made? Yeah. 420. Okay. Well, good. Let your dick hurt, you dumb ass. You fucking corn bag.

[B]

Get those essential metals on you, you fucking corn bag.

[A]

This discussion about comedy and life has been brought to you by magic, mind.

[B]

Oh, you. You put the wrong cap on. It look a little. A little black topped.

[A]

It's because I put it up my butt.

[B]

That's right. Track of all cognitive fungal, would you say? Keep it crispy. Nate, this was so fun. I love talking with you.

[A]

Can I promote. Can I promote my dates?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Is that possible?

[B]

Yeah, go ahead.

[A]

Austin, Texas, 8-18-19, Chicago, Illinois, September 1st and 2nd, San Francisco at the Punchline, September 20th, Ann Arbor Comedy Showcase, September 29th and 30th. Hilarities in Cleveland, November 16th through the 18th. You were. How awesome is that club?

[B]

It's great.

[A]

I'll be with Bill on tour in October. No, I'm serious. I'll be at Majestic Theater in Madison, Wisconsin, December 27th. And then I'll be at the Laughing Tap for New Year's Eve weekend in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. And I might have another. I got a few more coming, so.

[B]

Yeah, it doesn't sound time to quit drinking with those days.

[A]

Natecraig.com it's never gonna happen. Alcohol. Vegas is on the schedule a couple times. Yeah, that's Milwaukee. That's why I call Milwaukee.

[B]

Oh. Alcohol. Vegas.

[A]

Oh. Ladies and gentlemen, from Pete and myself and kt, please keep it crispy.

[B]

I love that you did that so professionally.