Remembering Kenny DeForest

Summary

Podcast Summary

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
Episode: Remembering Kenny DeForest (Dec 20, 2023)
A moving re-release of comedian Kenny DeForest’s episode, celebrating his humor, warmth, and spirit after his untimely passing. Pete Holmes and his panel explore personal growth, masculinity, comedy, psychedelic experiences, and the quest for identity, blending vulnerability with comedic insight.

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode is both a celebration and a memorial of Kenny DeForest: his talent, kindness, and comedic perspective. It features the full original interview, traversing topics like sobriety, masculinity, psychedelics, personal growth, and the “weirdness” inherent in being human—all through a comic, self-deprecating, and authentically vulnerable lens.

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Key Discussion Points

1. The Value of Curiosity and Staying Engaged (00:12–03:40)

• A tribute to Norman Lear is played, reflecting on lifelong curiosity and the value of treasuring each moment.
  • Norman Lear’s philosophy: "If it took all that time to get to this moment, why wouldn't I treasure the moment?"
    (Guest Comedian, 03:10)

2. Sobriety, Booze, and Chasing Fun (05:12–13:12)

• Kenny and Pete share stories about alcohol use in the comedy world, job losses due to drinking, and growing out of destructive habits.
  • Kenny reflects on cultural influences from the Midwest: “Where I grew up, it’s the Midwest. It's a cultural thing. We drink and we drink hard.”
    (Kenny DeForest, 13:25)
• Both discuss the insecurity underlying youthful excess and the shift toward self-awareness.

3. Comedy, Identity, and Copying Heroes (15:03–28:41)

• The panel jokes about comedians mimicking their idols (Bill Burr, Louis CK, Dane Cook), and how finding your comedic voice is a journey through imitation.
  • On becoming yourself through comedy:
    • “So much of my 20s has been rediscovering who I actually am. So much of my young life was me trying to project what I thought other people wanted me to be.”
      (Guest Comedian, 28:25)
• Discussion of high school and identity: choosing roles (jock, nerd, goth) and shaping oneself to fit expectations.

4. Religion, Sexuality, and the Midwest (34:04–41:14)

• Kenny’s religious upbringing as a Catholic in an evangelical region, and grappling with religious guilt “when you’re maybe the horniest teenage boy ever existed.”
  • “There’s so much sexual guilt in Catholicism, and I was maybe the horniest teenage boy that’s ever existed."
    (Guest Comedian, 35:11)

5. Psychedelic Experiences & Spiritual Growth (44:45–73:03, 108:59–124:26, 135:44–149:21)

• Kenny and Pete discuss their first mushroom trips, DMT, and how psychedelics can dissolve ego, provoke deep self-reflection, and foster spirituality outside traditional religion.
  • Kenny’s life-changing Bonnaroo mushroom trip:
    • “I looked up in the clouds, and I saw my folks up there...basically them in the clouds being like, ‘We support you. We love you. Don’t be an idiot.’”
      (Guest Comedian, 115:24)
  • DMT trip revelations:
    • “There were these, like, three cosmic beings, and they were just very much like, ‘Hey, dude, we’ve been waiting for you.’”
      (Guest Comedian, 136:41)
  • Psychedelics as spiritual: “I’m not a good atheist. I need to believe in something... Psychedelics provide a way of like, I can search for spirituality in another realm.”
    (Guest Comedian, 44:21)
  • “Let it, let it, let it. And then be it. Just be it.” — mantra and tattoo from Kenny’s transformative trip.
    (Guest Comedian, 118:02)

6. Masculinity, Insecurity, and Breaking Stereotypes (45:39–77:54)

• Kenny’s bit on toxic masculinity:
  • “Toxic masculinity is just internalized homophobia in men...what it states is, as a straight man, you should never do anything that might be perceived as gay—including trying at anything at all.”
    (Guest Comedian, 46:27)
• Embracing gentleness and vulnerability as true masculinity.
  • “Now that I’m sort of embracing my soft side, I actually feel more of a man.”
    (Guest Comedian, 76:46)

7. Comedy as One’s True Self (59:01–73:03)

• Multiple “roles” (athlete, prep, cowboy, farmer, etc.) and the realization that true self is the witness to these all.
  • Pete: “Spirituality is like, what didn’t change between that and this? What was the constant? And that’s who you really are.”
    (Pete Holmes, 59:40)

8. Funny Anecdotes and Classic Bits

• Hilarious “gross guy apartment” stories (49:09–52:29)
• “Fart block” hockey story: “I made a save with a fart. The ball did not cross the line.”
  (Guest Comedian, 163:11)
• “If you’ve made a Comedy Soapbox profile before doing standup...you might be a standup comedian.”
  (Guest Comedian, 83:54)

9. Ghosts, Unexplainable Phenomena, and Mushrooms (168:26–175:51)

• Kenny describes a bizarre “ghost blueberry muffin” encounter and apartment mishaps.
  • “There is a glass beer bottle on the floor of the kitchen, and it’s spinning slowly. And on the oven, one of the ranges is turned to high…The only thing I can think is maybe if I left the range on, and then the cat bumped the pizza box over the edge, and then perfectly stepped on the thing turning it to high.”
    (Guest Comedian, 171:08–171:46)
• UFO-like sighting in Joshua Tree while tripping.

10. Philosophy, Spirituality, and Being (155:04–160:49)

• Pete and Kenny agree on the mystical concept that “God isn’t a being; God is being.”
  • “I say it to Val all the time: being can only be recognized by being. That is the epiphany of all the great mystics—God is being.”
    (Pete Holmes, 158:44)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Curiosity and Aging:
  “If it took me every split second of my life to get here, to walk into the room and see Judd here, which was a kick in the head—I mean, I love it. Why wouldn’t I treasure the moment?”
  (Guest Comedian, Tribute Clip, 03:10)

• On Identity:
  “So much of my life was me trying to project what I thought people wanted me to be.”
  (Guest Comedian, 28:25)

• On Toxic Masculinity:
  “As a straight man, you should never do anything that might be perceived as gay—including trying just at anything at all.”
  (Guest Comedian, 46:27)

• On Psychedelics:
  “I’m not a good atheist. I need to believe in something…Psychedelics provide a way of like, I can search for spirituality in another realm.”
  (Guest Comedian, 44:21)

• On Comedy:
  “Be comedy. Don’t be funny. Just be comedy.”
  (Ram Dass via Pete Holmes, 118:21)

• On Love and Meaning:
  “Nothing matters except for family, friends, and love. The veil is very thin and I’m always with you.”
  (Guest Comedian, relaying an ayahuasca vision, 149:43)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Time | Segment | Content | |:-----------:|--------------------------------------------------|------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------| | 00:12–03:40 | Tribute, Norman Lear philosophy | On curiosity, treasuring moments | | 05:12–13:12 | Booze & Comedy | Drinking stories, job losses, Midwest drinking culture | | 15:03–28:41 | Copying Idols, Finding Self | Comedian mimicry, high school identity, creativity | | 34:04–41:14 | Religion, Guilt, Sexuality | Catholic guilt, sexuality, early experiences | | 44:45–73:03 | Psychedelics, Spirituality | Mushrooms, ego, embracing being, “Let it be it” mantra | | 45:39–77:54 | Masculinity, Vulnerability | Breaking masculine stereotypes, embracing softness / vulnerability | | 83:54–93:02 | Early Comedy, First Standup | First open mic stories, writing jokes as a kid | | 108:59–124:26 | Mushrooms, Identity, “Be Comedy” | Psychedelic revelations, being present onstage, comedy as presence | | 135:44–149:21 | DMT Experience | Cosmic beings, world peace vision, “surgery,” spiritual insight | | 155:04–160:49 | Philosophy: God as Being | Mystical insight, all religions, being is God | | 168:26–175:51 | Ghosts & UFOs | Blueberry muffin haunting, tripping in Joshua Tree | | 163:11 | Fart block hockey story | Hysterical, unique personal anecdote |

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Signature Moments / Kenny’s Legacy

• The “Let it, let it, let it. Be it.” mantra—Kenny’s tattoo and philosophy for living with less fear and more authenticity.
• Bold, silly, and unfiltered moments—gross, funny, and embarrassing stories shared without shame.
• Sincere, emotional talk about the importance of friends, family, and love: “Nothing matters except for family, friends, and love.”
• A beautiful tribute to the power of presence, playfulness, and always embracing your “weirdness.”

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Tone & Language

The tone is relentlessly playful, goofy, and irreverent, but frequently turns sincere, vulnerable, and at times philosophical. There's strong camaraderie and mutual admiration. The speakers remain true to themselves, oscillating easily between deep insight and wild, silly riffing.

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In Kenny’s Spirit

“Just let it and be it. Chill out, dude.” (Kenny DeForest, 118:43)

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For Listeners New and Old

This episode encapsulates the magic of Kenny DeForest—his humor, honesty, and willingness to go deep and weird, all while making you laugh. Whether you’re here to remember a friend or discover a comedian, it’s a tour through the humanity, struggle, and joy that define both comedy and life.

Transcript

[Kenny DeForest]

You made it weird. You made it weird. You made it weird. Oh, yeah, you made it weird. Yes, you made it weird.

[Pete Holmes]

You made it weird with Pete Holmes. What's happening, weirdos? This was a sad week for myself and for the comedy community as we were all shook to learn that our friend, the very funny, talented, kind and Beautiful man, Kenny DeForest, died in an accident. We were all shook by it. It was devastating news and we just wanted to re release his episode out of respect so we can all listen to him being so funny and wonderful and kind and great as he was. Kenny also had a new special that just dropped in August on YouTube called don't you know who I am. I think it would be a nice thing to watch him do what he did so well, making people laugh, just so talented, so wonderful. So I wanted to give that a mention up top as well. We also lost Norman Lear this past month. Obviously Norman Lear was a legend and iconoclast who gave so much to comedy. So we're going to play a small clip, a beautiful little clip that Katie found as a, as a memoriam for Norman. And then to remember Kenny, we're going to replay the entire episode so we can all listen to it together. I haven't listened to it since we recorded it, but I'm looking forward to getting into it at the same time as a way to remember our friend Kenny DeForest. First Norman, and then we'll roll into that episode, get into it. That to me is the feeling of the human condition, is sometimes I wonder if you feel like this again. Like you wake up some days and that's the bad feeling of like, why do I have to get in my car again or eat again? Isn't that something we fight against? No.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I wake up, I go to sleep with the taste of coffee the next morning, and I love my coffee in the morning.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And I get the New York Times, the LA Times and the Wall Street Journal. And I'll get up at 6:30, I won't do yoga until 9 or 9:30, and I will have read the papers by then and had the greatest time reading the papers.

[Pete Holmes]

And that sounds deliberate, though. I mean, would you say it's very deliberate to stay interested?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Can you say fuck this thing?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you can say all of the fucking delivered. Yeah, But I think that's something that I didn't realize until my 30s that I was like, being curious, being interested, being alive takes effort. You can't like just take it for granted that you're going to get up here you are. You're 94. Still curious, still engaged, still into it, obviously. But I know people that are 24 that aren't.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Why wouldn't I be interested when you consider that it took me every split second of the 94 years, some months, some weeks, some days, some minutes just to get here, answering this question. Watch you with your green microphone. I mean, it took me every split second of my life to get here, to walk into the room and see Judd here, which was a kick in the head. I mean, I love it. If it took all that time to get to this moment, why wouldn't I treasure the moment?

[Pete Holmes]

Get in here, you old galoot.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I'm in, you old galuter.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

My face is exposed. It's weird to me and no one else.

[Pete Holmes]

I actually really like it.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, thanks.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You like my face? That's so nice.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, we're talking about your beard.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, yes.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not that I don't like your face. I'm just saying. You're saying your face being visible is new.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, it was an accident, but now.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you mean?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I shaved a bald spot into my beard and then it just had to go. We had to start over. So now it's out. I remember it's not as bad as I remember it being though your face.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, well, because you stopped the boozing.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Booze is what gives the. The dudes the fat faces that they want to hide. That's why. Like, scotch loving and beards. You know what I'm saying? It's all like, I love leather work, hipster single malt bars, and this big ass beard that covers the fact that my jowls are going. Please. Yeah, that's a little bit. That's a little bit judgmental. That might be a story I tell myself. I got jowls. I don't drink. So let's be fair.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Let's be fair.

[Pete Holmes]

But I do think the fact that you don't booze is probably one of the reasons why you should. Unless you started boozing again.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

No, that helps.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't mean to assume.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

No, that's okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you still off the sauce?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Good for you.

[Pete Holmes]

Or, you know, maybe you hate it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

No, I do.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

I.

[Pete Holmes]

You do hate it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

No, I hate it every day. No, it's good. It's way better. I don't. I don't wake up screaming obscenities most days. You know, like, I would be this.

[Pete Holmes]

Didn't really. Did you?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, I would be the sort of. I mean, man, I've lost so Many jobs. I've lost jobs because of booze.

[Kenny DeForest]

Really?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Miss radio appearances?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You know, I once did radio.

[Pete Holmes]

Still drunk?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It was actually kind of one of my fondest drinking memories.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, see, that can be fun. And that's the problem when you're young.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I was in my twenties. I was in my twenties.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You drink until three in the morning. You sleep two hours. You somehow wake up funnier than when you went to sleep, you know, because you feel so bad. It's like bringing out your funny. And you're also.

[Pete Holmes]

There's so much insecurity. There's more insecurity. There's less sense of self. There's less sense of skill and ability.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

True.

[Pete Holmes]

So you're trying to, like, get around yourself.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Your idea of yourself. So if you can, like, make him pass out, then you can sneak around and be funnier than the. Than the negating voice in your head will let you be.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

But that's some stupid ass shit. That's like, you know, that's like getting a lion drunk instead of putting a lion in a cage and feeding him veal. I don't know what lions eat. There's a better way is what I'm saying. Yeah, but that is the most common way.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's so interesting. Yeah, that's true.

[Pete Holmes]

But what jobs did you lose?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Well, I got put on. I worked for a moving company in New York. And it's like the moving company in New York that every comedian you know that was a mover probably worked for.

[Pete Holmes]

Who ran it?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

This guy Alex.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't know. A friend of mine who was a.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Comedian, Andy Haynes worked there.

[Pete Holmes]

Andy Haynes, one of the OGs. Oh, Jake.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Company Racine. Mike Racine. Like, there's.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, okay.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm picturing Drew Michael, but Mike Racine.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Okay. Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's funny. Italian Drew Michael.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just kidding. I'm always mixing them up, though. And I think I one time complimented microcine on a Drew Michael bet.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

And he didn't. It didn't even throw him. Or it was Drew Michael in a microsene bet.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And either way, they were just like, thanks, dude. Yeah, my bits are good.

[Pete Holmes]

Mike Birbigli just called me yesterday, and he was like. A woman came up to me and was like, I love your show. Crashing. And he was like, that's not me. And she was like, you must get that all the time. And he was like, no, no, just you. Just you. He's like, that person is seven feet tall.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, my God. I'M just undressing here, by the way. I love it.

[Pete Holmes]

Sometimes I tell people to cuddle up on the couch.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, Kenny.

[Pete Holmes]

Df.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I saw you doing it and I was like, I'm in wearing my jams. Yeah, dude.

[Pete Holmes]

So what job did you lose? You were. Because you were.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, I was put on. I was just put on, like, suspension. I was put in what's called the penalty box because I know call no showed twice in a week. Both are booze related. And it was also just like the, like, 25th straw, where it's like, you know, at some point I'm gonna have to read the signs here.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I'm not good at this anymore.

[Pete Holmes]

At drinking.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that. Is that what happened?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, just like, just sloppy, Just general slop. I was just sloppy. Just general slop.

[Pete Holmes]

All the time, the slop.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I was shocking the slop, man. And, you know, I'm the kind of dude, I get three in me, and it's like, let's go to all night. You know, I always like, all a couple of glasses of wine to me is. Is just. It revs you up.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, No, I understand that.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So I'm not a guy that's like, ooh, two glasses. That was a fine evening. Time to go home and read my.

[Pete Holmes]

PA the Leo Allen bed, where he's like, you never black out and do something beautiful. Like, you wake up and your apartment's filled with. This is Leo Allen. You wake up and your apartment is filled with origami. Like, there's something gorgeous inside of me. It's always like, you tried to make spaghetti.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah. Yeah, I almost.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, I've almost burned the house down. Cooking frozen pizzas.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That whole thing?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a wonder that that doesn't happen more. Life is deadly.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I thought about a time I was drunk in front of the Boston in New York, the club. And I was just Met these guys, they were going downstairs and I was speaking Spanish, and my friend Rich Iranovich was there, and I was speaking Spanish, and all the Spanish I knew was trash talk. So I was just. I guess I didn't even know what blacked out meant. I thought blacked out meant you fell asleep. Like, I thought that was the end of the night.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

People are like, I blacked out last night. I'm like, yeah, me too. Around 2am I had some pizza and I just passed out. Total blackness. But I, looking back, was kind of blackout because I did something that I didn't really remember. And the next day, Rich told me he was like, everything you were saying was like, your mother. Mother. Like, it wasn't to provoke them.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

It's. That's all the Spanish I could think of.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I thought it was being funny and charming.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And he was like, if I hadn't been there, I think seven dudes would have killed you.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Maybe I killed me, too. And, like, yeah, my. My humor gets mean when I'm drunk. You know, I'm, like, convinced that I'm being hilarious. And the next day, it's like, dude, what the Is your problem? I'm like, I don't know, man.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm going to do you one worse. And this is. This is the shame. I'm going to. Let's pretend there's a wizard's cap. And it's the shame cap.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

The shame cap.

[Pete Holmes]

Going to put on the wizard shape. Shame. It's got crescent moons on it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

And stars.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's how you know.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's blue. That's how you know you're a wizard. Sure. Anyone can levitate, but you got to earn the hat. So I put on the hat. And when I. And I've apologized to Chris there for this. I'm an advice giver. But now, so be Pete. So be iced tea will say to people, can I give you advice? Or would you like my advice? You know what I mean?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Or at the. At my worst, I'll just start giving the advice, and then I'll say, I'm so sorry. I'm just an advice guy. I hope that was okay. Right. But when Petey would drink, I would tell my opener. Chris, like, all the things I was like, you should open with this. Like, I hated that guy. Like, yeah, I had the cocaine of having done the show in my blood. And then one drink, and then I was like, let me tell you what you should do.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I'll fix you now.

[Pete Holmes]

Let me fix you.

[Kenny DeForest]

Yep. You know, I hear the problem is.

[Pete Holmes]

I wouldn't say that. It was never that gross, but it reminds me of people in my family that. That would, like, try to fix you. And you're like, no one asked.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

No one asked.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's what booze did for me. And I hated that.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And I also just got, like, as I get older, the stakes are just higher. So, like, in your 20s, you know, you. You black out, you wake up, and you're like, oh, what did I say? And then you're just kind of like, oh, whatever. But I don't know, the older I get, the more I'm like, what did I say? Who was I talking to? No, but seriously, this is important. Who was it and what did I say? I can't just let it go.

[Pete Holmes]

I licked the head of the booker of Best Week Ever once. I got so nervous. I was on Best Week Ever and I got shit fucked because I was so nervous.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

And I remember I was just a rookie. It's not an excuse, but I remember. You know how you're supposed to sip something after you do a shot? Usually a beer or something? I was doing shots of tequila and then I'd sip my vodka on the rocks to cleanse. To cleanse. It's like in between courses at a restaurant, I'd have a hoagie.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And it's funny because looking back, if someone in that moment had said, hey, Pete, are you okay? You would have been like, yeah. Why?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's right. That's right. I remember I went to Meltdown with a bottle of wine, which I thought made perfect sense. I usually had about four glasses. That's a bottle. I just bring my own bottle because nobody has wine. And Neil Brennan called, was like, are you okay? It was like, why? He was like, you brought your own wine to a show? That's fucking weird.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I didn't think it was that weird. It's funny.

[Pete Holmes]

And I didn't think it was weird because maybe this is my question for you. Are you that way in other aspects in life? Because I was just like, oh, is getting drunk the cool thing? Okay, let's just fucking do it. We're gonna do a shot of tequila and we're gonna chase it with vodka. And next thing you know, I'm just like hovering like I'm barely keeping upright. And then I met Doug Benson that night and I don't even remember. And that goes back to your orig original point, which was like, he didn't like me. He still. He still kind of playfully doesn't like me. But we were friends. Yeah, he sort of likes being annoyed by me. But, like, I didn't remember meeting him that night. That's not a good thing.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And you're probably talking non stop because you're hammered. So listen to me now.

[Kenny DeForest]

This is me on fucking. One coffee.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, that's because Kenny Defy is coming over. I'm fucking.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Fired up. Let's go.

[Pete Holmes]

So are you extreme in that way? Like, if you're like, if I'm gonna do this, I'm gonna do it. Like, I know you played basketball. And you're like, I'm going to be a pro.

[Kenny DeForest]

Basketball.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like black.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I'm always intense. Yeah, I'm intense. I do things too hard. And I'm also so fucking insecure, which is something I've really been working on, which, you know, no booze. Often all of a sudden, therapy comes into the mix. You start to learn more.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

About yourself. But, yeah, I mean, to me, it was like where I grew up, man, it's just the Midwest. It's like a cultural thing. We. We drink and we drink hard.

[Pete Holmes]

And where are you from?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Springfield, Missouri. Southwest Missouri.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Home of Brad Pitt, baby.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, Thelma and Louise.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So now, you know what?

[Pete Holmes]

If I only knew Brad Pitt from Thelma and Louise. I love Thelma and Louise. You know, he's done other stuff.

[Kenny DeForest]

Thelma and Louise.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, from the Mexican.

[Pete Holmes]

Love that guy. Oh, my God, now you sound like my mom. Daniel Day Lewis. I wish I could think of lesser Lewis.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, yeah, What's a good lesson? I was actually.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I was just looking up Daniel Day Lewis movies. They're all really good, though. He only does, like, one every four years. So.

[Pete Holmes]

What. How did he cut his teeth? Because I saw. Sorry, but I'm going to just show my hand. I was watching other interviews with you for Little Tids, Tits and bits.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you were like, I want to do bit parts in movies and stuff. And I was like, see, that's smart. I've said there's a million. See, this is like one cocktail. Pete, I'm not giving you advice.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's why it's good for me to.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Have a podcast, because I'll tell you now.

[Pete Holmes]

Please give zoom. No, it's not advice, though I can assume this will benefit somebody.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Will Ferrell did this really smart thing where he did smaller parts. He didn't go from SNL right into leading roles. He did old school. And that was like. He stole the movie.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

As opposed to. I don't want to name other people, but there's a lot of other people that jumped from one platform into film, and they went with the starring role. And it's better to go small part and steal the movie. So what did that have to do with fucking anything? You were saying?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Being insecure.

[Pete Holmes]

I hate this therapy.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You're watching other interviews.

[Pete Holmes]

Ddl. How did he start? Thank you. You are now the host. You made it with Kenny DeForest. What I'm saying is, what was his old school? He had to have done something small.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I mean, he was in a.

[Pete Holmes]

What if I just handed you $50 because you remembered. Here's $50 and some free me undies.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, here's $50.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And also you're now the bit actor in movies that you. I have that power.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I don't. Would be amazing. It's like you do my podcast and then when you leave, you're in. You got a studio B movie too. I'm gonna look this up because I actually was. I was thinking of doing an Internet thing where it's.

[Pete Holmes]

You're on the Internet.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Each type of Republican as displayed by a Daniel Day Lewis character.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, fun.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And I was. So I was doing a little research.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Which one is the butcher one, Bill?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

The butcher is the nativist. That's like the, you know, that's like the. The guy who's just like, go back to your country. You know, that's that guy.

[Pete Holmes]

He was always saying, go back to your burrow.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

There will be blood is like the just cold blooded industrialist.

[Pete Holmes]

They're like similar.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

They are. They really are. I mean, look at them. They're similar.

[Pete Holmes]

But the industrialist.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Lincoln is confusing because Lincoln was a Democrat.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Well, no, wait. But all Republicans point out now they go, actually, Lincoln was Republican, so how are we the racist party? And it's like, well, it was 150.

[Pete Holmes]

Can we edit? Actually, don't edit it out, just loop it. That I said Lincoln was a Democrat five times.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, this looks like it was bad. Dale Day Lewis, in the name of the Father. That looks like a very bad cover.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. No, that can't be good. That was the COVID of every movie. That's also the COVID It's just a straight on shot of his face, which I'm pretty sure is also the poster for Last of the Mohics.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, yeah, he was the mohic.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it's not. He's running in Last of the Mohics.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, that's another type of Republican guy dressed as Native American.

[Pete Holmes]

I think he's the appropriation Republican.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Which one's Phantom Thread? There's got to be.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I haven't seen Phantom thread. I was trying to figure that out. I need to watch it for this.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, it's just like an elegant debonair. You don't see debonair often, but when you do, you know it.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Kenny DeForest]

Holy.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't know debonair was in my vocabulary, but I just saw a man on a big wheeled bicycle and he's drinking single malt. And he has a beard.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And he has a beard. And he thinks he has a double chin, but really it's just a fat chin. He thinks he has a weak chin, but really, it's a double chin. That's what it is. That's what I meant to say.

[Kenny DeForest]

You think you have a weak chin.

[Pete Holmes]

But really just two normal chins.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, you just gotta lose one of those chins, dog. You're good.

[Kenny DeForest]

Oh, my Jesus.

[Pete Holmes]

You're. You're a redheaded man.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Reddish blondish.

[Pete Holmes]

I'd say you're red.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Okay, cool. I'm actually happy about that.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Are you?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I mean, I know what you're talking about.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Redheads are dwindling. We need more red.

[Pete Holmes]

It's too red.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, good.

[Pete Holmes]

It's too red to be blue.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I was like, straight up blonde as a kid, so that's why. Yeah, I was toe headed.

[Pete Holmes]

What does that mean?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

Are people's toes.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

But my mom used to literally always call me little toe head, so I know.

[Pete Holmes]

Is it because the hair on our toes is so fair? Oh, also, when coffee is piping hot, it's piping. It's smoking like a pipe.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Whoa.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Is that what that. That is what that is.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

There's so many phrases you say and you go. And also where I'm from, sometimes I'll say something like from. From the Ozarks. I'm like, oh, that's definitely racist. And I. I didn't even think about that. I mean, everybody now.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm from Boston. And we have those.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, sure.

[Pete Holmes]

The south with mit.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, we have the south with MIT and mit. I was just in San Francisco for the first time, and Bill Burr always says that Boston is racist. San Francisco. And I didn't realize that. I mean, really, it is the same feeling city. It's crazy.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I totally know what he's talking about. The. The pier feels like Quincy Market and all that stuff. It always makes me feel like I'm. Yeah, it's too cold. I know I'm really breaking new ground there. But when I was with Bill. This is what brought your ginger. Your nuts. Can I say ginger, please?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Up.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that Bill? We were having lunch or something, and a homeless person came up and started calling him Ron Howard. And he had. He had a shaved head. So he's like, there's nothing I can do. No, I'm serious. I can do. It's brutal.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, dude.

[Pete Holmes]

And he was like, it's the only group. It's the only group you're allowed to discriminate against. No, I'm serious. Everybody's man. This group, this group. What about the redheads? And I thought of that with You.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Bill Burr's the most fun person to impress.

[Pete Holmes]

Brutal.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, dude, can you imagine just walking up to some guy at a Starbucks?

[Pete Holmes]

That's excellent. That's excellent.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Ron Howard. Dude, can you imagine if I called some black guy Terrence Howard?

[Pete Holmes]

That is un. Unbelievable.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

They'd be out there with their picket signs.

[Kenny DeForest]

Oh, he's a racist.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Cancel him. Dude, why don't you go back to the subur, watch a movie, you know, take your kid to the soccer game? You know.

[Kenny DeForest]

It'S not only an impression. It's exactly what he was saying.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I did him for stick or treat one year, and I was like, oh, Halloween, you know, ooh, look at me. I'm Bill the But. No, you're not. You're an autoworker in Queensland. You're a grown man in a costume. Okay, brutal.

[Kenny DeForest]

That is 10 out of 10. That is.

[Pete Holmes]

You're gonna be out there with your picket signs. He always takes it to such extremes.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

With your arts and crafts.

[Kenny DeForest]

Dude.

[Pete Holmes]

You were doing arts and crafts. That seems like a premise. Like white nationalists trying to seem badass. But they have signs. You have signs. How badass can you be? If you were doing arts and crafts this afternoon, you were using paste. Dude, is that glitter on that swastika? Dude, come on. You had paste. You got the purple kind. So you know where it is on the paper, because you can't remember.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Out there with your Elmer's, your gorilla.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You know, which is it?

[Pete Holmes]

You kicking ass. You go into the supply store to buy pink Sharpies.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, my God. Bill Burr. Premises.

[Pete Holmes]

Bbp.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Bbp.

[Pete Holmes]

You down with bbp?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, man, so much. I had to stop watching some of. I used to. I mean, because he's obviously someone I looked up to. So.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you can't watch too much.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I remember I was listening to a set of mine when I. In the Chicago days, and I was. I was saying, you know, after every joke, and I was like, I don't even say that. But it was my jokes. But then I'd be like, yeah, my girlfriend's busting my balls. You know, I go first of. I don't say busting balls or, you know, so I have to stop watching Bill Burr just breaking my balls, you know, in my voice, though.

[Pete Holmes]

I see so many Louis on the road, too, which. Which is all you have to do to do Louie. I know he's not. Scandal. Noted.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's tip the hat.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah. Rest in power, Louie.

[Pete Holmes]

Rest in power. Is that a thing?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I shouldn't have said that.

[Pete Holmes]

What does it mean?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

No, I Mean, is that what.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that what dummies say?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

No, it's. It's actually. Well, I usually hear it if it's like, you know, like, a. A black person that fought for the cause dies. Rest in power, you know? Or like. Or like, a lot of times, anyone who fought for the cause right now that, like, kind of put their life out there for the greater good, it'll be like, rest in power queen, right? You know, you fought for women, rest in power, that type of thing.

[Pete Holmes]

I see.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So, yeah, using it for a guy who jacked off. He's dismissive.

[Pete Holmes]

We'll. We'll overlay the audio of me saying Lincoln was a Democrat over.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Over that.

[Pete Holmes]

So you won't hear it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Perfect.

[Pete Holmes]

But Louis is always like. You act as if you have something else to say, but you don't say it. You go like. And then you get the. You get the Kellogg's Frosted Flakes.

[Kenny DeForest]

Like, you fucking eat it. Eat the fucking shit. Like, eat the flakes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's it. You eat the flakes that are there.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Because it's what you have.

[Kenny DeForest]

You can do all the gingers.

[Pete Holmes]

You eat the flakes because you pour the fucking milk on them because this.

[Kenny DeForest]

Fucking cow tit water. Drink it, and then you have a diarrhea.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You put the cow tit in the bowl because it's like your life, and.

[Pete Holmes]

You mush it down and you get roundness to. To it that. I didn't. I can't do it. You can do it.

[Kenny DeForest]

It's just.

[Pete Holmes]

You got to be a cartoon dog and fucking thing.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Everyone in the Midwest sounds like Louie because you watch Louie, and then you just become Louie.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a weird moment. I know I've said this on the podcast before, but when you go home after you become a comedian and you realize all your five funny friends are just doing comedians. I went to a wedding, and there was this kid. He was doing Jim Gavigan. Literally going like that. And everyone was dying. And I was like, this is before Gavigan was huge. And I was like, what. What is happening here? That's. That was me, too. I was doing Regan and Seinfeld.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, yeah, we all.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I mean, that's just how you start. You don't know what the hell you're doing. You're too afraid to be yourself.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So you do. I remember one time in high school, a friend of mine.

[Kenny DeForest]

You go to fucking high school. Because fucking high school, junior high is fucking do the.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And it's just you're looking at tits and your Dumb dick is hard.

[Pete Holmes]

Can't go to the blackboard dick. It's rock hard.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

My dick is.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry, what were you saying?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, I just remember he looked at me one time in class and goes, hey, how do you spell shoot you in the face? And I had never heard Dane Cook. And I thought it was the funniest thing I'd ever heard in my. Because we were actually taking a spelling test. And so he just turned and goes, how do you say spell shoot you in the face? And I was like, this is the funniest person I've ever met in my entire life. And then I was listening to Dan Cook, like, a year later. I was like, oh, you bastard.

[Pete Holmes]

Was that a line?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's like Dan Cook has that joke about going to the bank, and he's like, you know what I like to do at the bank? I like to have a ski mask and, like, a pen and a pad, and I. I tap the person in front of me in line. I go, hey, how do you spell shoot you in the face? It's a great joke.

[Kenny DeForest]

How do you spell. He doesn't know any of it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

He doesn't know any of it.

[Kenny DeForest]

He doesn't even know Shoot.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, mostly O's. Good shit with double O's.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Really Infinity.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

You get it?

[Pete Holmes]

Two O's. Looks like the symbol for infinity.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, shit.

[Pete Holmes]

You smoke dmt?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

I did.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell me Totos. Cause it ties into your drinking because the light shone on your liver and you thought, maybe there's more healing to do in liver.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, dmt dance.

[Pete Holmes]

You. You smoke dmt?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, I did. My friend got a hold of some. And, you know, the first time I did.

[Pete Holmes]

When was.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I did this was back in for legal reasons. So I started in Chicago listeners after the Pete Holmes Chicago era. I climbed into the. To the scene that they built. Oh, you know, we stepped in. We heard. Do you feel that way? Well, it was interesting because it was very clear that we were in a very good time of Chicago comedy. There was a lot of shows. And then, you know, naturally you go, hey, what? Why is it like this? And it's like, oh, yeah. The class before us, they had the Globe Pub. And then it slowly spread into more and more bar shows.

[Pete Holmes]

That's great.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Your class was insane.

[Pete Holmes]

I still found Chicago, especially the smaller rooms, to be harder than other places.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Mmm.

[Pete Holmes]

And I think that's good.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It is good.

[Pete Holmes]

Like running with weights.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I mean, Chicago is such a drinking town. Everyone's hammered. So if you want to get them to laugh and pay attention, you got to bring it.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

But, yeah, the dmt. So I. I did. I did mushrooms for the. I was real straight and narrow when I played ball. So I think that was. I'm a person of extremes, as we discussed. So when I quit, it was finally like, you know, I was like. I was like, drinking and smoking cigarettes by the first weekend after basketball, you know what I mean? And I had never smoked cigarettes. And all of a sudden I'm like, let me try one of those. I don't need my lungs no more. And really stupid. And just kind of went way too hard in the paint the other way. But one of the things I did in college was mushrooms. And I just. The first time I did it, I had like 2 caps and 2 stems or something. So just enough to be like, oh, I definitely like this. And this feels positive. This doesn't feel like. I don't have any guilt about this.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Every time I've ever done coke or something, the next day I'm like, what have I done?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Your parents raised you better than this.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Right. Reflects on them, you know?

[Pete Holmes]

I don't recall seeing mushrooms tacked to the dare board.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Here are the bad ones. I don't remember.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Even then they knew. They were like, yeah, these are probably fine.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm on mushrooms right now. This isn't a.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's how I became a dare officer.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And so I kind of got it. I. Once I did that little bit of mushrooms the first time, I was like, this is an avenue I want to explore.

[Pete Holmes]

What happened that time? Just a little mild mini mile.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Just a little mini mild. And it just like the laffies, man. It was like the funniest I'd felt in a long time. You know, like, it's that when your ego melts because your ego really stops you from taking risks a lot because it's there to protect you.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So your ego is what makes you go, that's not funny.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. That's what we were talking about, getting him drunk so you can sneak around him.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Totally.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So mushrooms is like, let's instead give him this bed to sleep on. Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And that's so interesting you say that, because I really think I was thinking about this on the way over. Man. So much of my 20s and up to now. I'm 33 now, has been kind of like rediscovering who I actually am. Because so much of my young life was me trying to project what I thought other people wanted me to be.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Which is very common. And. But one of them is when you play sports, you kind of got to be a serious, you know, kind of project the era of a hard ass, which I'm the opposite by nature.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I'm actually the silliest fucking person there is.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

And.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

But then, like, that stayed with me so long, so. Comedy is so silly. But even then, like, my inclination sometimes is to go up there and lean on the mic and make sure I'm being cool.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, you're posturing.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

But really. Yeah, I should be very silly. It's common.

[Pete Holmes]

I think about this all the time. People that look in the mirror that, like, look like a jock and they're like, I guess I'm a jog. Like, what?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because of your package.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Or people that look sexy and they're like, I guess I'm sexy.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I guess I'm a hot person.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I've met a lot of hot people that are total goofs or whatever, or, like, slobs or just regular folk or whatever. And I've met a lot of not classically attractive people that are, like, sex machines and confident, you know, like, it doesn't matter. No. It's just your package. That's a real mushroom trip.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It is. It is.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a real whisper.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's interesting, too, because I've met people like that. And like, hot people that are silly people almost don't believe them. They're almost like, stop acting like you're just silly.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

We all know you're just a hot person. Yeah, I'm silly, though.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And athletes for sure, if there was ever an artistic, would call them arty sporties. Oh, he's an artist.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Arty sporty.

[Pete Holmes]

But sporty. Sporty was doing the bulk of the carrying in that definition.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It meant that he was a tourist in the arts. But really, if you throw a lacrosse ball at him, you can't be too ready for it. He'd be too ready.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

He'd be too ready. He'd be way too ready.

[Pete Holmes]

No, he had a stick.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And he catches it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You can't be revealing that you're actually super coordinated while you're in the middle of your art.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You know the crowd.

[Pete Holmes]

How many times do we need to see movies where we find out that people aren't what they are on the outside? We're the stupidest species in the world.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, totally.

[Pete Holmes]

Over and over. We have to remember, oh, they are an identity, like an awareness inside of a packaging. And the packaging tells you almost nothing. Yeah, almost nothing. I'll Take height.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It tells you their height. I know by looking at you how often you have to reach for things.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Or ask for assistance.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because if you're a child, maybe I'll help you get those el Fudges.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

As I call them.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Elfudge the elfudge the elfu J. Elfu.

[Kenny DeForest]

J L food J But I mean.

[Pete Holmes]

It'S the most basic thing, but we can't stop learning it. No, we can't stop forgetting, man.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's so true. And I remember, like, I remember going into high school, a kid in my neighborhood, we. We had a group of kids. It was like our little sandlot crew. You know, we'd meet up, play flag football, whatever. And he told me. He's like, you're in high school now. You're like, you're gonna be one of. One of three things. Four things. But he was like, there's jocks, there's nerds, there's preps, and there's goths.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And you're gonna be one of those four things. And I remember being like, you know, 11, 12, and being like, okay, I guess I'll be a jock.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Wow.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And then, like, consciously, like, okay, what would a jock wear to school? Yeah, probably just, like, did you just, like, basketball shorts and a T shirt, like, kind of be above it all?

[Kenny DeForest]

Yeah, for sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I'm really just using class as a waiting room for practice.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't even have to change.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

No, I'm ready. I only wear pants that can be torn off in a split second to reveal my. Ready Shorts.

[Pete Holmes]

That's hilarious. Yeah, but they forgot religious kids.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, religious theater kids.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, theater kids. Band kids.

[Pete Holmes]

Band kids.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's a whole nother sect.

[Pete Holmes]

But, I mean, you're helping me remember that. We were just going, like, I had an older brother, so I just would wear his. Like, he had Adidas with hockey laces in them.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So I was like, that's cool.

[Pete Holmes]

I guess I'll wear these. I sagged my drawers.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, yeah, we all did.

[Pete Holmes]

I sagged them.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Did you. Was it a thing for you guys where you tried to look as, like, as much like you just got out of bed as possible? That was a big. At my school.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It was actually, like, bedhead gel. So it's.

[Pete Holmes]

I remember that.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Put this in your hair, and it'll look like you didn't do anything.

[Pete Holmes]

And then Bo deodorant.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Bo deodorant.

[Pete Holmes]

Deodorant.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You'd swipe a little ball sweat onto your balls. Like, ooh, yeah, my man is musty.

[Pete Holmes]

No, that was. That was. I guess we're similar ages. That was definitely the game. The name of the game was to look like you didn't do anything.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because right before that, it was like you were supposed to look like you.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Really did a lot.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Mm.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's how it goes.

[Pete Holmes]

Like astringent. Remember astringent?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Noxzema.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

No. Were you. Were you Abercrombie?

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

How dare you? Okay, I didn't know. You know.

[Pete Holmes]

Dare you.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Okay, so you're more of like an American eagle.

[Pete Holmes]

How dare you.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Aeropostale.

[Pete Holmes]

I was gap at best.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You were gap at best. You were. You were. You were elderly Navy.

[Pete Holmes]

I had aspirations for elderly Navy. I. Yeah, I don't know what I was. Man. I remember going to the thrift store and being like, is this who I am?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

People are buying, like, weird flannels that someone died in.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, totally. That was the thing, right? It would be like Ray's Auto Garage.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And it's like, are you ready?

[Pete Holmes]

Not. None of it worked.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's the coolest part.

[Pete Holmes]

I couldn't wait. Comedy is what gave me my only and first identity. I had religion. I had the khakis and the white button down shirts and I shaved my head and I, like, looked like a youth pastor my senior year.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But I didn't know what I was doing. No one does.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

And then you. You have to, like. What helps with your at least your, like, superficial identity is finding the thing that you're good at or at least interested in. And that was comedy. And then I was like, oh, I'm a comedy guy. But that didn't come until college.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And what's weird is I went to college to be a youth pastor. I thought I was gonna, like, double down on that. But then I ended up luckily getting roped into comedy.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, man. It's funny because I was. I was a pretty religious kid, although I was Catholic in a very evangelical area. So I was actually a religious minority, which is strange.

[Pete Holmes]

That's hilarious. And evangelicals look down on.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, big time. It's funny. One of my friends convinced me to go to the mega church. And, like, I was so resistant. And I was always a kid that was like, how are we going to say that Buddhists are going to hell? They think they're right too, you know, that was always my home.

[Pete Holmes]

You were already there.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, in high school.

[Pete Holmes]

Awesome.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Because I was just like. Well, that was the part that always bothered me.

[Pete Holmes]

Most people, you see when somebody says, there's four groups in high school. Somebody would be like, that's preposterous. There's going to be micro climates in any climate. You know, like, you did that, religiously speaking.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, most of us just go, got it. There's four groups were. We're saved. Catholics are damned. Buddhists are like. They just evaporate.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

They just are nuts.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I don't know what they're about.

[Pete Holmes]

Too many blue gods.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Too many arms. Too many arms on their gods.

[Pete Holmes]

Elephants are for training in a circus.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I only worship bipeds. Yeah, it was. You know, part of it, too, though, was there's so much sexual guilt and Catholicism. And I was maybe the horniest teenage boy that's ever existed.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, really?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

At that point, I was probably just looking for anything to justify.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You know, my boners.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Because you weren't being good by their standards.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I was like, well, that's what my.

[Pete Holmes]

Entire book is about. Just so you know.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not trying to sell you my book.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

No, no, I need to read it.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, please.

[Pete Holmes]

On the way out. But it's about. It's. You could call it My Life in Christianity through the Lens of Masturbation. That's the whole book. But what was that for you. Are you looking for the pornos in the woods or. You're kind of. You're younger than me, so you're probably downloading it.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Well, what do you do? You know, it's funny. My first. I have a very funny memory. It's rife with religious guilt. But I remember watching Howard Stern on E. Oh, yeah. And that was my earliest, like, closest, like, because he would have porn stars on, and he'd be like, why don't you just moan into the microphone and then just be some woman going with her tits out? And I'm. I'm like 12 years old. I'm like, ah, this is the greatest thing I've ever seen in my entire life.

[Pete Holmes]

I remember even then being like, they look very fake.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

They always had, like, very extreme. That can be beautiful, too.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not my thing, but I remember even as a kid, I had a thing. Even as a kid, those kids, like.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Looked like porn stars. And back then. Yeah. Now it's like they were wearing, like.

[Pete Holmes]

New Year's Eve hats. They had, like, a bird on their shoulder. Now, porn stars could be anybody.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It could be anybody, dude.

[Pete Holmes]

It could be anybody.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, it's brutal. It's like, what is this? My barista.

[Pete Holmes]

I just saw my lyft driver in a fucking four inch. Four minute bang, bro.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Two stars. Let's just say the car wasn't the only thing that needed a lift. You know what I'm saying? Bill Burd goes vaudeville now.

[Kenny DeForest]

I think I love it.

[Pete Holmes]

Wordplay.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You were saying?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, yeah. The Howard Stern memory is so funny. Jenna Jameson was riding a Sibian. Okay. It was like the biggest. It was like the super vibrator of the time. It had just come out and it was like women would straight up sit on it. It almost looked like a guitar amp with a dildo on top of it. And then it did. The whole thing vibrated.

[Pete Holmes]

What if I. So she's going like, on the way out, you see one in my bedroom. I'm like, what?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Your book is on it. You're like, just go and grab that.

[Pete Holmes]

On the way out. Looks like a horse saddle.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yes, yes. But with a dildo. And the whole thing vibrates. And obviously the women lose their minds in ecstasy. So I'm like a 12 year old and I have all this Catholic guilt, and I didn't want to masturbate because I was so afraid of going to hell. So I remember watching the Civvian. I go to the bathroom and I'm just like, staring at my little teenage dick, trying to, like, will it to ejaculate because I didn't want to touch it. So I was like, come on, please.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't want to one up your shame. But I used to without touching it, because there was something. You can't get hornier than someone that's horny and thinks they're going to hell for it. The cocktail of guilt and shame. So I would look at porn every once in a while.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

And that was a real commitment because, like, Internet speed dial up. This is when I was married the first time. It's so embarrassing, but I remember I would just be like, you know, I watch something mild just because. Just for the beauty of it.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You got to justify it.

[Pete Holmes]

I convince myself it's just beauty. It's like the female form is beautiful. And I would watch something and I wouldn't even. It would just be the friction of my own whanger in my pants. And I would. Would explode, explode, explode. And then it's funny, like says Howard Stern.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

E. I always laugh about it because it's like. So I could do it in our heads too. At that time. It's like, ah, yes. Well, good thing I didn't touch myself. God's pleased with this.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You know, I used to have an early joke about this, but, like, all the. All the people in my high school that were having anal sex because they didn't want to have vaginal sex. Because that's bad.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And it was like one of my early standup jokes. I'm like, because, you know, God. Pumped about that. He's up there, like. Well, I had a joke for a minute. For a minute there, I thought something bad was happening, but it's a good thing.

[Pete Holmes]

That's.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You're getting butt fucked.

[Pete Holmes]

Very similar.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Glad you jumped right to the expert level.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You jumped right to the bonus features.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You sure did.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Skip straight to the DVD extras, I see. Right on.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I knew people like that, but even that, I don't know. I was like, why don't you just bundle it all up and keep it to yourself? I also thought I could give myself STDs.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Hilarious.

[Pete Holmes]

I also tried telling myself that every time you jerk off, you're killing a million babies. Nothing worked. I was. I was more than a million babies. Horny. I was like, it's worth it, dude.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I had so much fear. Like, STD fear. And the first time I ever had unprotected sex, like, just out in the wild, you know, like, it was my first one night stand.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And the condom broke. So it wasn't even unprotected sex. It was temporarily unprotected, sexual. But yeah, in my head, that's enough to be fully terrified.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like predator blood. You touch it and it sizzles through you.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah. Yeah, that's it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's all it takes is a drop.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And we went back to my buddy's room, me and the girl, because it was like a dorm room. I was visiting my buddy at college, and her and I went back to my buddy's room to see if they wanted to get breakfast. And they're like, hey, we're actually getting ready to watch a movie. You want to watch a movie? Like, hell yeah. And we sat down and I turned on the movie Kids, which is just a bunch of teens giving each other AIDS. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Who wrote that movie? Me, when I was 12.

[Kenny DeForest]

And then the one kid with the AIDS gets sex with the other kid that don't got the aids now. They both got the aids. And then another kid has sex with both of them and he has double AIDS now. And then the finale is he has sex with the one kid that don't got the aids.

[Pete Holmes]

Apologies for doing a bit that involves a disease, but the bit stands.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's so funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Who wrote this?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Me, when I was 12.

[Kenny DeForest]

That's what I thought.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Everybody has AIDS.

[Kenny DeForest]

That's what.

[Pete Holmes]

That's exactly right. That's what I thought the world of being single was. It was hugely formed by the movie Kids.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And no me gusta.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

No me gusta, indeed. I had a straight up panic attack that day. I was just like.

[Pete Holmes]

I actually would like to. I would like an expert to break down the movie Kids, because Kids does work like a horror movie. And I do not want to give this a goo. Everybody, if you're curious, if you're in the scene and you're having some unprotected. Don't take Uncle Petey's word for it. He's getting up with a baby at 3am I'm not your source, but what I'm saying is if somebody has hiv, which of course is not a laughing matter. So that's a respect given. Somebody has HIV and then they have sex with somebody once, is it guaranteed that that person has hiv? Because the movie is working with the logic that if you have sex, you have HIV with somebody that is hiv. I don't know. Is that. Do you know anything about that?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I don't. I. I don't know how likely it. Is it.

[Pete Holmes]

Is it 100%? No. Katie, give it a goo. Katie's got a Google. You know why? I'm sorry to boss you around. I'm just saying I feel like if we're gonna talk about STDs and people, like, get their info from things like this.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Potentially.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I want to make.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Talk about making it weird.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Made it very well.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Kenny. Kenny said it was. It wasn't very likely, so I.

[Pete Holmes]

Went.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And banged an AIDS patient with no condom. Oh, no, don't do that.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no. So go on. You had unprotected. After the movie, you watched the movie kids.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Watch the movie afterwards. And it was just like all of my Catholic guilt just congealed into one ball of fear. And I still remember how I felt. I mean, I was like. I felt like I was on fire on the inside of my body. And it very much felt like the heavens being like. This is what you get.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

This movie was made for you in this moment.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

To be seen in this moment.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Correct.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Rosario Dawson knew that you needed this.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't remember.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

She was in that. Yeah, that was because I think that. I think it was all, like, Juilliard kids that were in it. It was all, like, little prodigies. Little prodigies.

[Pete Holmes]

Very well acted. And it was the kid Chris from the Wire, one of the heroin people, which I'm going to take as a. As a serendipity, because when I was saying I was swaying because I was so drunk, I was taking shots and doing. Chasing it with vodka, I was thinking like Bubs in the Wire, but I didn't want to be disrespectful. And now we're back at the Wire.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Now we're back to it.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a Serendip.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, Bob.

[Pete Holmes]

So you smoke dmt?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I smoke dmt. Back to that, yeah. It was wild because I did a lot of research about it first. I always, you know, and I think I've. I've listened to your podcast a lot, so I know that you have some similarities with this, but psychedelics, often there's like a huge sect of psychedelics that's formerly very religious people that leave the church and then psychedelics provide a way of like. Well, I can search for spirituality in this other. That's realm.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. It goes from reading about an experience to having an experience.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Right, Totally.

[Pete Holmes]

And was that what you had? You were like, there's something to it.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that what happened?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Because, I mean, I'm not. I'm not a good atheist. Like, I was that for a minute, but I don't function well. Like, I don't know if it's just because I was raised with it, but have I need to believe in something that's just me?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, Katie's got the info.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It sounds like if you have it and you're not on treatment, if you.

[Pete Holmes]

Have sex with someone, like, they're most likely gonna get it.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, you're treated.

[Pete Holmes]

It can make it where it's almost in. Like, they can't. Well, these kids weren't treated. So it sounds like if you have.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It and you have unprotected sex with someone, you come in them, like, they're probably gonna get it.

[Pete Holmes]

Probably gonna get it. Well, like a percentage.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

But that's just what it sounds like.

[Pete Holmes]

From what everything sounds like a don't, don't, don't do that.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Well, that's what the deal with destigmatization, though, is. It's like if you don't feel like getting tested is going to out you, you'll go get tested and then you'll get treated and then.

[Pete Holmes]

Right, that's right. And then it doesn't.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

There's so much shame around it, you know, Especially homophobic shame.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. I remember in Dallas Buyers Club where he is a straight man and he has it and he won't admit it because he thinks everybody will think he think he's gay.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Which is so stupid. Which is like your toxic masculinity bit, which is awesome.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, thanks, man.

[Pete Holmes]

Love that.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Thanks, man. Yeah, that was. Although from a place of self realization.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, no, it's.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell. Tell people the idea about it. I watched it on cordon and it was applause the whole time. I literally was.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It was. That was a crazy.

[Pete Holmes]

Stop applauding.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It was crazy, man.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And it's funny because you go.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a great set.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You go out and you're so convinced you're about to bomb, you know, and you're just like, here we go. And then it went so much better than I even thought it was going to. I was like, this is fun.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, no, it's an excellent set.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Also having Reggie Watts right there is like, so fun, you know, because you're nervous and you're like, oh, it's Reggie Watts. Like the most fun person.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, Mushrooms became a person.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, fully.

[Pete Holmes]

But they are applauding so much. I was like, oh, they don't know what to do.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

This audience has never seen stand up before. And they're like, what do we do? Like, you can just laugh, you guys.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You can just enjoy this.

[Pete Holmes]

But you say toxic masculinity is basically.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's internalized. Yeah, I say it's just internalized homophobia in men. And I break it down to saying as basically, what's toxic masculinity states is, as a straight man, you should never do anything that might be perceived as gay. And things that might be perceived as gay include trying just at anything at all. And that's really what it is. It's like. And that's at the core of the whole. When we were in high school, everyone trying to look like they just woke up. Up.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Like, I didn't put. I didn't. I didn't comb my hair. What do you think I am, a gay guy?

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. It's like Gary Goman.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Did I press my shirt?

[Pete Holmes]

Sprite was considered an effeminate beverage.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yes. Oh, man, the Great Depression. So good.

[Kenny DeForest]

Sprite.

[Pete Holmes]

But when he said that, I was like, that's the world I grew up in. What you drink, It's Sprite. It's named after a fairy. He has the whole bit.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, it's so funny. So good.

[Pete Holmes]

But like, men having to drink black coffee or whatever. What's wrong with a frappuccino?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Take the filter out of that cigarette. You know, all that unfiltered cigarettes and whiskey.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

And I.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And I fell for all that shit big time.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You know, like in college, I was so afraid of being called a pussy. You know what it is? It's because I know that in my heart. I used to write poetry. Like, I have a book of poetry at my mom's house, you know, my parents house back home.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I had a book of poetry. And I went back and I was like, some of this is from Dead Poet Society. Like, I was just lifting. It had the line, to touch you would be paradise. And I'm like, that was Ethan Hawke's poem.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Roses are red, violets are blue.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, captain, my captain. I didn't write this.

[Kenny DeForest]

W. Whitman.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Old man in the sea. I was ten.

[Pete Holmes]

Leaves of autumn.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

We got a reference. We're doing a poetry. Times have changed.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, man. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, Toxic Mask.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Well, it was real.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

And so.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And Julie from that set, who I shout out. She's a very funny.

[Pete Holmes]

You're really.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

By the way. Yeah, Julie. Julie Mitchell. Comics like to be shouted out by name, I find. So edit that out. But she. I'd only lived with dudes, and we were living in squalor, in misery, and we had all these ideas of how we'd make the house better. It never happened. And she moved in and it literally was like her first day. She was kind of just like, yeah, but like, why don't we do something about this?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And then we all. It kind of like her. Her being a woman allowed her to be excited about home decor.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And so we were all like, okay, as long as it's your idea.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And then that's where the joke kind of came from. Because I was like, this is absurd. And then, truly, in one day, we transformed the place. I had all these records. We, like, hung them on the wall in a checkerboard fashion. It just added so much life to the whole place. All of a sudden. We liked being there.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And that was the thing. The next day I woke up, I was like, this is so fucking ridiculous. Like, I've literally been living like a hobo for a decade because I want to look like a man.

[Pete Holmes]

It never stops. Val just redid our bedroom.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What are they called? The Go To Girls. If you're in la. The Go To Girls. They're so good. They fucking killed.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's a cool name.

[Pete Holmes]

And now we sleep in our favorite room in the house. Before, it was sort of under my control. Not, not by. We never talked about it, but there were just tons of books on the ground. Like 15 books. There was a hamper for no reason. Like in a non not deliberate location. It was dreary, it was drab. And they went in and they fucking julied the fuck out of it. And now we hang out in there all the time and, and now we have like better dreams and we sleep better and we're like space matters. I think when I lived with Matt McCarthy when I was recently divorced, the only thing on our walls were Guitar Hero guitars that we drilled into the wall.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Right. Because it's funny. Because it's like hahaha.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, exactly. I was like, isn't it funny that these should be guitars, but they're Guitar Hero guitars. And then literally in the kitchen one night when I was drunk, I nailed like hammer and a nail. Like a fat nail, like a house nail.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I just nailed a Ninja Turtles napkin into the wall just to be like, there you go, there's some color.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, that's, that's all we have, man.

[Pete Holmes]

And our fucking shower was so dirty you could have grown chia in it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

My, my, my apartment in college when I. It was like famous on campus for how gross it was.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And we were like proud of it. One of my roommates got his haircut in the kitchen and then never swept it up. So there was a pile of hair on the kitchen floor for like months. And it's like.

[Pete Holmes]

And also that is next level. Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And like no one thinks it's funny.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Everyone's like, this place is gross. So we're like haha. Yeah. Right. Pretty gross. Right? Cool. Tell everyone.

[Kenny DeForest]

Oh my God.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It was terrible. It was really bad. When I moved out, I remember the student housing people coming to like check us out and the woman opened the door and she like gas?

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So yeah, here's everything. I mean we had like punched holes in the wall, you know, because you're just like hormonal.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

19 year old boys and you drink whiskey for the first time. You're like, just start punching holes and.

[Pete Holmes]

Things used to punch each other. Repressed Christians. When I figured out what an Irish Car bomb was, I thought it was so delicious.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I also love drinking things quickly and getting drunk quickly. It goes back to our black and whiteedness.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So I bought all the ingredients to make them at home. It's not the same, the Guinness.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

An Irish car, Bob. At home.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, we did them at home.

[Kenny DeForest]

We did them at home.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I bought it's really funny.

[Pete Holmes]

The Guinness. I bought the Jameson and the Baileys and we just did like seven of them.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That would be. I'm just imagining walking in on somebody doing an Irish Car Bomb just while watching tv. And it's very funny.

[Pete Holmes]

At least it was two of us.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

We only watch the Depotted in this house. We drink Irish Car Bombs and we punch each other in the head.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's what we did. We got so drunk we went out back and we just started punching each other. Not in anger obviously, but. And then I woke up the next day. It hurt so badly I had to get in a cold bath.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh God.

[Pete Holmes]

And I called him and he was fine.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

He was. He was good.

[Pete Holmes]

He was not pulling back as much as old Petey. So then he did the mushrooms. We were going in order.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh yeah, yeah, that.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And that just felt like I felt so much better after that. And I'm also realizing now as an adult that I've always had like a depressiveness that I've had to deal with. I don't know that it's clinical. I've never been medicated with like mood stabilizers or anything, but I've always had these dark cloud moments and a really negative inner voice. And I remember after mushrooms the first time, like a week of sort of bliss and.

[Pete Holmes]

And I stopped drinking for 30 days after I did mushrooms the first time without really.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, you kind of know right away, right. Like when you start tripping, you there's there. If you drink a lot, there will be a moment where you're like, oh, maybe that's not great.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It definitely grabbed Bill W. The Big Book. They were looking into psychedelics and all that sort of stuff.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

They were sort of into how they could help with alcoholism. But I once I felt the feeling of mushrooms, which, you know, to oversimplify, it felt like wonderful and rapture and bliss and a lot of those depressing sort of negative feelings went away and a lot of that doubt went away and just sort of like a at home feeling. I understand there's some people listening that are like, I don't understand. A box of Tic Tacs turned into an alligator and it bit my, you know, wiener off.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So I understand it's not for everybody, but like I took a pretty low dose and I just had that like very gentle but sufficient trip. And then I was like, that's what I'm looking for. I was looking for like the elixir. I was looking for like the fountain of youth, something that you drink and.

[Kenny DeForest]

You go like, we're on a planet.

[Pete Holmes]

Not just drink it and have a fake argument with your dad in the shower.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like there's something so aggro and surly alcohol is at its core, what it tastes like.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean? Like, that burn.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's harsh. It's burned.

[Pete Holmes]

But, I mean, there's something kind of tint. Titillating and scintillating about it, too. So it's not. I'm not saying it's all bad, but it is what it tastes like.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And mushrooms are sort of what they taste like. They taste a little weird and a little shitty.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's a. I wrote this down last time, but I was like, there's such a metaphor. It's for life in a way where it's like they literally grow in shit. So it's like. And life is truly picking through the shit to find something magical.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And that's literally what mushrooms is.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's awesome.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And you take them, and then it's just like. I don't know. You just realize. It just gives me hope, man. It makes me optimistic when I trip, when I usually. When I come out, even. No matter how weird things like I tripped maybe three months after the election, and that horrible negative, we're doomed feeling was just blanketed over everything, at least in my. In my bubbles, obviously, like, if you live in certain parts of the country, probably, like, really. Because everyone around me seemed right. But I was living in Brooklyn, you know, like.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Watching. Watching immigrants on the train just process what just happened.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You know, it was like, a lot.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

But I remember tripping and just coming out, like, you know, we're all connected and at somehow, you know, when things get really bad, that's whenever it brings out the best in us. And.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You know, we've been. We've been too comfortable, maybe. And Trump is the sign of that. And, yeah, our culture is rotten. And he's really an amalgamation of all this really bad shit that we've allowed ourselves to worship.

[Pete Holmes]

He's a product of that.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

He's a product of it. If you look at the 90s and the stuff that we put on a pedestal, it became Donald Trump, and that became our president.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. And the 80s for Reagan. And it's. It's the same.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, he didn't drop out of nowhere.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

No, exactly. No. We created him.

[Pete Holmes]

The last time I tripped. I think it was the last time. No, it was a couple times ago. I remember I was looking at my window and I had the very distinct feeling of a man. I think you're gonna like this.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, good.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's enjoy. Before you know it, a man. Like a little black stick figure man, you know, black ink walking from my brain. It's hard to describe from my brain towards the back of my eye, but from the inside.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Does that make sense?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I wasn't really seeing this. It was more like something that I could imagine, but very vividly.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And he was cleaning my eye, but from the inside.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, if you think of your eyes as windows, you can clean the outside, but then you also have to clean it from the inside.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it was this real, like, squeaky.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Was it maybe that. Was that the third eye maybe?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, basically. That's basically what it was. This is like, you can do as much as you want, trying to affect yourself from the outside in, but eventually you're going to have to go.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Are you still doing a lot of yoga? Is that still part of your.

[Pete Holmes]

I wish, man. I can't do now.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, you got the.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't mean to blame.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You got a bambino Leela.

[Pete Holmes]

But like, my life, my physicality is just that. I walk her twice a day for about an hour. That is pretty good, actually.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That is good.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's always going to be with her. It's always going to be to give Val a break or she walks.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Totally. No, it changes everything.

[Pete Holmes]

But what do you got?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Well, just asking, because I will say I started doing, since I moved out here, a lot of hot yoga, which I'd never really done a lot of.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Wow.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And the last couple times I've tripped, I found that the trip isn't as strong. And I'm wondering if it's because the yoga has me. You know, it's kind of like the old story where Ram Dass gave the acid to the.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Indian guru guy and he ate it and with the Maharishi, and he was just like, it's all inside you.

[Pete Holmes]

What'd you say is the Beatles.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, yeah, you're all good. And. And he just goes, oh, it's inside you. And then nothing happened to him.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I'm wondering if the first time that's happened.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Someone told the story before I could tell it. I loved it.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

I love that. Yeah. It's all inside you. That's exactly right.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Mm.

[Pete Holmes]

That's it. I wonder if it's, you know, to use woo woo spiritual language. You're like your inner. They call it your Kundalini. But like your life force might be rising just in your everyday.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

It is.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It definitely is. I feel more connected to myself now.

[Pete Holmes]

That's good.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I was like reflecting on all the weird phases I've gone through because that's on the way over here, you know, to made it weird. And like I said, I've listened to many episodes and so I know, I know what, I know what it's about. So I was trying to get in a very vulnerable and in touch with myself place. And you know, I've gone through some pretty extreme phases, you know, trying to find myself as a younger. Yeah, like what person? And well, you know, there was the. In high school there was like, you know, the jock. So I was like that kid. And then all of a sudden I got very preppy for I'd like a diamond earring for a minute and I would wear like a silver chain and like a turtleneck with like slacks, like wild frosted tips. You know, we're out here doing it full on.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And then, you know, I had like subwoofers in my car and rims and shit. Like really silly, really silly 16 year old boy stuff because like Fast and Furious was out. Everyone was like putting like fenders and shit on their car.

[Pete Holmes]

Can I interject?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Please do.

[Pete Holmes]

That seems very mushroomy to me, these, these different roles that we play. So Ram Dass's whole thing is from roles to souls. Like you realize that you've been the soul or the spirit or the consciousness that was watching all the different roles. So there's this really absurd role that you played. Yeah, you played like the preppy rims guy, but there you were and here you still are. Yeah, I mean, so spirituality is like, what didn't change between that and this? What was the constant. And that's who you really are.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's your true self.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's one of my theories. I think that's why we love actors is because they can get lost in a role, yet they know that that's not who they really are. But we admire someone that can so deeply pretend because we're all pretending. But they have to be conscious to go, and now I'll be a pirate and next week I'll be a centurion.

[Kenny DeForest]

And then next week I'll be a lawyer.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's what we're all doing in our lives. They're just doing it on command, at will. And I think there's something spiritual about that.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

There definitely is. That is a good point. I was thinking, I was watching Righteous gemstones, which is so good, if you haven't seen it yet, I'm gonna punch.

[Pete Holmes]

You in the dick, dude.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, no, dude.

[Pete Holmes]

That's my Danny McBride.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I'm punching dick, dude. But John Goodman is like, that character. To be able to play that, where it's like a con artist who probably knows he is, but maybe has completely convinced himself he's not. Yeah, that's a difficult.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Place to put yourself.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You're playing a conflicted person.

[Pete Holmes]

And in order to do that, you have to identify as this, like, neutral presence that's gonna give that your will to a character. Like we were talking about ddl, and look at how in it he gets. And we're like, well, he's the king. And then when actors are, like, breaking or. You know what I mean? Or, like, bad at it, we're like, these fucking fools. Like, we're harder on it than we should be.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Phony.

[Pete Holmes]

But if Meryl Streep can, like, really melt into something, we're like, she's. Why do we love that so much? I think it's because it helps us realize that we're all sort of lost. But they're so not lost that they can lose themselves at will and then come back and for some reason decide to be crazy Johnny Depp.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, right.

[Pete Holmes]

This is the one I choose in my off time.

[Kenny DeForest]

That's a weird choice, Johnny.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, so you're just Jack Sparrow in a vest.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Okay.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I thought Jack Sparrow was an.

[Kenny DeForest]

Absurd pirate character holding a DirecTV remote. Put it down, Johnny.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Put down. Put down the rum, Johnny.

[Pete Holmes]

Stop buying movies you own on dvd, Johnny. We're in the red.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, man. My buddy going back to the toxic masculinity thing. My buddy and I were joking.

[Pete Holmes]

What if that's what someone thought TM was? Do you do tm?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, yeah, I do tm. Wait, they think so?

[Kenny DeForest]

What, they think it's toxic?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, yeah, dude. Every day.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm big time.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Every day, dude. All day, tm. All day, dude.

[Pete Holmes]

All day.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

See these Oakley's on the back of my head, Dude, I'm doing it right now.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's toxic.

[Pete Holmes]

I find that toxic.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, dude. I take steroids.

[Pete Holmes]

It goes back to.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, we were joking about my buddy. Another comic will shout out. Mike Joyce and I were talking about get rid of his name.

[Pete Holmes]

Mike Racine.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

We were talking about how Hunter S. Thompson has blood on his hands. What do you mean? Because every single, every. There's, like, a generation of straight white dudes that Were like, I'm gonna be Hunter S. Thompson.

[Pete Holmes]

It is just like, he was the moniker for, like, yeah, I'm gonna do something.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I'm gonna drink whiskey from morning to night, write down my. Write down my Scry. And, like, he's like, the one person who could survive that lifestyle. Everybody else, you know, Johnny Depp's a huge Hunter S. Thompson fan, but he, you know, it's kind of hurt him at times.

[Pete Holmes]

Dude, there's got to be a lot of people, people that we never heard of, that were inspired by these maniacs.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, right.

[Pete Holmes]

I say that with love, for sure.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Ernest Hemingway, you know, all those guys. It's like, I.

[Pete Holmes]

When Zach Galfen acted this podcast, I think about it all the time. I smoked for one year, and that's like two, three to seven cigarettes a week. That's not a lot. Some people wouldn't even call that smoking.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Still seven a week. I. When I laugh really hard, I cough. I don't got the ingredients.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't got the grit.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And Zach was talking about that. There are some people, I think they fight through it, and I think they just coat their lungs in something unnatural and they stick with it. But he was like, there's just some people that have. They're more like tree, like. Or iron bellied. And I am not one of those.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, man. Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I was a smoker. Another thing, like, talk about being who you're not. I smoked for years, and I remember one time my dad was like, hey, hey, bud. You notice how you hack. Hack all through the night? Maybe those cigarettes aren't for you.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Wow.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And, like, because, like, I would, like, wake up, you know, it'd be like five or six cigarettes the night before, too. It's not like I was down in a pack. My lungs are just like, no, dude.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

When I was in Jerusalem, I was studying abroad. I lived next to an old woman who smoked. And that should have been enough to even have me never smoke, because I shouldn't have smoked for that year. Every night, I listened to this woman while smoking, sounding like someone was cleaning a garbage.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

What is it about smoking? What is it?

[Pete Holmes]

It's a lot of things. Is it just.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's like, you know, you're not supposed to. That's part of it.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's. I think that's the main thing, is you're giving the finger to death.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not a fan of this expression, but when I was a single person, people would be like, if they. If she smokes she pokes, I guess you could say. If he smokes, he pokes.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because they have, like, a reckless abandon.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

They don't care. So they're just like, yeah, we're all going to die. We're all in outer space. Smoke them if you got them. Fuck it if you see it. So there's sort of like a James Dean, which is another person that I'm sure, you know not by his doing, but has, you know, caused some people to live more rebelliously.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Sure.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's like. It's romantic. It's like, you're the tramp. You're the vagabond. You're the one that can't be nailed down. The rolling stone.

[Pete Holmes]

You're also quiet. Being quiet is cool. I used to have a bit called Be quiet is cool.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because if you're Denzel, you're like, that's you. That's you. All right, all right, all right. Nice. That's you.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And.

[Pete Holmes]

And then a nerd is like, what's up, you guys? And I was like, it goes back to the jungle. The. The cool guy doesn't give away your position. And that actually kind of goes into the. Unfortunately, the inner city. You benefit from being a quiet person potentially, as well, too, if there. If there's violence happening.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You kind of want to be a cool person.

[Pete Holmes]

It's also true of the Midwest, where you're around livestock. I'm not saying everybody in the Midwest is, but if you are raised on a farm, you're probably, like, a cooler person.

[Kenny DeForest]

You're not like, what's up, chickens?

[Pete Holmes]

Like, that is a fucking homeschool dork that hasn't been around animals.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Or violence or threats.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's the suburbs, baby.

[Pete Holmes]

And a fart. Think of a farmer, though.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Farmers are pretty.

[Pete Holmes]

Can be cool.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's a DDL farmer, dude.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Country folk are the coolest. That was another phase in college.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you do?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

What do you try to. I tried to go. I try. I really wanted to be, like, a cowboy dude. Like a cool country.

[Pete Holmes]

You're fun.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I wanted to so bad.

[Kenny DeForest]

You took the earring out.

[Pete Holmes]

You took the chain off. You let the tip defrost.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, let those. I. I thought those tips, you know, I thought them out, and then I was, like, embarrassed of that, and so I was like, you know, I'm a white guy from southern Missouri. I should probably just, like, be that and quit trying to be something else. And then ended up. And another thing that I'm not, which is like, my God, Like a great.

[Pete Holmes]

One of those bags over your arm and shoulder. You're like, yeah, I'm gonna go check this.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I literally have no cat like my. I have the softest hands you've ever touched. But I was like, you gotta work the land. It's been good to us. You gotta be good to it. But me and my grandpa was a farmer, and my dad works in the farming industry.

[Kenny DeForest]

So desperate for identity.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So desperate. So desperate is this. Before I dipped, I used to dip.

[Pete Holmes]

You dip?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I used to dip.

[Pete Holmes]

When I dip, you dip.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

We dip.

[Kenny DeForest]

Oh, no. You dipped.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, God. Yeah, baby. Skull wintergreen. Until it made me throw up and I switched to mint. Until that made me throw up and I switched to peach.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Or apple, which, even in the manliest of manly things like dipping, I chose the peach and apple.

[Pete Holmes]

I do skull, parentheses, peach or apple. That is nasty.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's the nastiest thing, man. I look back at that, and that's what you're talking about. I am still also the same person, which is also as. As crazy as that sounds. I am the exact same person.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

No, I. I mean, I've changed some, obviously.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I understand.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

But.

[Pete Holmes]

But you're the thing that was going. Is this right?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I was very much like. I don't. I think.

[Pete Holmes]

I think I was just watching Neil DeGrasse Tyson on. On Russell Brand's podcast, and I was enjoying it, and they were talking about whether or not things can be unknowable or not. And I was. I enjoyed it. I thought they both did an amazing job. But I kept wanting to say, like, the only thing we should be talking about is that which does the knowing. Like, that's. That's the only conversation to be having. Like, Neil DeGrasse Tyson was doing an amazing job about how, like, things that we thought were unknowable in the past are now, like, very commonplace. And, like, that is very likely for the future. And I was like, that is right on. But what will never change is the. Is, as Alan Watts would say, an eyeball can't look at itself. A knife can't cut itself. You know what I'm saying? And it's like a. Teeth can't bite themselves. So whatever it is that we know, no matter how grand in scope it gets, the knower will always be limited in its ability to know itself.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, wow.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I'm saying? I was practically yelling. I just had to say that apparently, because I was, like, not yelling it at the screen, but I was, like, trying to like telepathically send a message to Russell to say it to him, although it had already happened, that somehow. So what I'm saying is, while you're watching all these things change. The knower didn't change. The witness didn't change.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Interesting. Yeah, that's absolutely valid.

[Pete Holmes]

That's why you feel, like, the same. And what's really fucking trippy, dude, is when you're old, when you're 95, you won't feel old.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what's crazy.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

My aunt said that to me one time, and it stuck with me where she was like, yeah, I still feel 18.

[Pete Holmes]

Why would you. Why would you? Yeah. In here.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Your body will have aches and pains and different issues and all that stuff. But that's my number one question for whenever I interview somebody over 80, I'm just like, do you feel older? And they're always like, no, because what. I mean, maybe their ability to articulate ideas like that might deteriorate so that. That gets a little tricky. But if your cognition is there, you'll be able to identify the part of you that does the identifying and be like, that still feels the same.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That is really. That is why I'm trippy. Yeah.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's like a pretty common phrase in spirituality, but, you know, it's. We're not humans having a spiritual experience. We're spiritual beings having a human experience. And it's like, oh, yeah, that makes. That makes sense.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. And it's your packaging. And you were a farmer.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And I was a farmer. I wanted it so bad. I wanted it so bad.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that during basketball or after a.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Little bit of both. I played two years in college as a. As a little school, and I kind of, like, got into that there. I mean. And also, one of the coolest guys I knew in college was, like, from the South. Super. He's my roommate. And, you know, like, you. You other people rubs off on you. I lived with farmers. Basically, like, yes. Like, from that area. And so you kind of go with whatever you're around, you know, that's why.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't think our beliefs aren't even our opinions. As I get older, I'm like, who cares what I think? Who cares what I think? I might think something different in 20 minutes because I'm hungry right now. Like, it's so fucking stupid. And a great example of that is when I was in college, my roommate was a somewhat preppy guy from Rhode island, and all of a sudden, I was wearing shit that I never would have worn. Yeah, I would borrow his clothes. He had a vest. Talk about Johnny Depp. Never wore a vest in my life. I'm wearing like a puffy vest because that's what people from Providence wear.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yep.

[Pete Holmes]

Wear a fucking puffy vest.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, dude.

[Pete Holmes]

Got a fucking puffy vest. You look like one third of the Michelin man. Get the out of here. And I was just wearing that. Just like I might as well have had a post it note on me that said, is this who I am?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And yet there I was, there was still something in there going. And I'm still going, is this who I am?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Living in it, man. My buddy found a video from college. Like he was just going on a party with a camcorder and he found this video and he got to a friend of mine and he had a dip in and was smoking two cigarettes at the same time. And it's just like, what, what were we doing? Like, what is that? Like logically, how, how do you get there? But in his mind he was like, he's like, this is the coolest shit that's ever happened and it's, it's insane. He had two cigarettes in his fingers and a fat dip in his lip. And he just looked at the camera and he gave it the cool, the cool guy up nod, you know, he just nodded the camera and then smoked the two cigarettes. And I was like, oh, he's not even kidding. Oh, and this is my friend. I was probably off camera doing the same thing.

[Pete Holmes]

I feel like even Elvis Presley was like, that's a bit decadent.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

He's like that much. Tone it back, buddy.

[Pete Holmes]

As he has a slice of nine stick butter pie a bit much. I love that Elvis. Watching nine TVs used to be our go to example of like, can you imagine? And now we're all second screening every show.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh man.

[Pete Holmes]

As we're streaming, checking the news, it's.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Truly the same thing.

[Pete Holmes]

We're going to kill ourselves.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And also. So back to Toxic Mask slash Hunter S. I think there's an also an interest I was talking to my friend about. I was like, is this, is this a valid observation? And he was like, I think so. But there's something in manhood and it's unspoken. But single men, it's like, it's like the playbook says self destruct until you find somebody. It's almost like we're trying to out self destruct each other, hoping that a potential partner will see that and be like, I'll save them, I'll save them. Yeah, it's like, it's.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You want someone at the last second.

[Kenny DeForest]

Ago come in here and have some pie?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I'll protect you from yourself.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's crazy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. We're baby boys.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

As soon as. And, like, I have friends that have been in relationships for a long time and, like, live in, like, a nice house with a partner where they've built this thing together, and it's a home. And then they become single and immediately regress back to, yeah, well, I'm a single dude. I guess it's whiskey with breakfast. And it's like, you don't have to.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. That's interesting, because my first thought was so much. And this is not what we have to succumb to, but I'm thinking about Shane, Shane Moss and some of the things he told me about male posturing and what it speaks to our genetics and all this stuff.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that testosterone is a poison. So having features that exhibit a high testosterone, like a square jaw or actually baldness or chest hair. These are like, think of Jason Statham. He's all three of those things. He's sort of got a balding head, but for some reason, we love it. Like, Bruce Willis style. Hairy chest, square jaw. These are very masculine men. That means high testosterone. But that means they're. There's poison in their blood, which indicates to women that they can survive. They have grit. They literally can still survive even though there's poison in their blood.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, like, testosterone is literally poisonous.

[Pete Holmes]

Reason testosterone and high levels will kill you.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, wow.

[Pete Holmes]

So you're showing.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Talking hypothetically.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it's a really, like. I mean, we're talking about preposterous levels. And again, I'm quoting Shane, so I hope I'm getting this right, but I'm pretty sure I am. And so you're showing that you are a good mate, meaning you won't get sick and die, you know, right after the baby is born or whatever is going on in our animal brains. So what is smoking? We were talking about that. What is drinking? Those are both ways to visibly exhibit, even if you don't have high testosterone, features that you can ingest, poison and not die.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You can endure.

[Pete Holmes]

You can endure.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Well, that's the other thing with our culture now is, like, you know, masculinity was always tied to these things that are just so obsolete now.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You know, like, no one needs even, like, directions. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't know how to get to Route 1. Everyone knows.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Everyone knows.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

In fact, we know it's backed up because it's red. Route 1 is red.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

We actually. And now we know a faster alternative.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah. And so there. It's just we. I don't think. And that's part of what's happening right now too, in our cultures. I think. We don't know. No one's telling us what to do to be what our. What our job is now. And so we don't know. We have so much time to ponder, so much time to get lost in existential.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yep.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

What's my purpose? Because our lives are so convenient. You don't have to be plugged into anything for most of the day.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And you're fine.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So you just get lost in your head and you go, what's my purpose? And you end up projecting. And when you're projecting, that's when you do dangerous.

[Pete Holmes]

I completely agree. And we lose our. Our identity. And you said purpose. And I don't want to tie that to every major tragedy kind of thing that's happening, but a lot of them.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Well, that's where I was kind of leading, too.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Because, you know, like, again, as somebody, like, I wrote all that toxic masculinity shit about myself. Like, that was strictly. That joke is about self realization.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And how many things I was doing just because it's what men do. And I wanted to be a man and I didn't want to be weak.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

But now that I'm sort of embracing my soft side as well, I actually feel like more of a man.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Like now I feel. I feel more self assured.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's what modern masculinity is. Modern masculinity, I think is being strong enough to admit when you're weak or gentle.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Or. Or small. Small. Not really small, but like, not, you know, like dudes are dicks. They assert, they interrupt, they wreck things. Like, Trump is such a dick. Like, he puts huge dick buildings everywhere.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, even pre president. I'm just saying, like, yeah, that is dick phallic fucking the earth. Trump links. I was just somewhere where we passed a Trump golf course and it's just that in huge grass.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Trump links.

[Pete Holmes]

I was like, just put a photo of your dick. Just a big old.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Truly.

[Pete Holmes]

And the pubes are the putting green.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Well, yeah.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Putting my pubes.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And the flag is in the butthole.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It falls apart somewhere.

[Pete Holmes]

But no, when you come out, you hear a ooh and it's. And it's Jenna Jameson and Howard Stern's. Beautiful, beautiful that's great. That's great.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Trying to think if I can do Harris Stern. So, no, I can't. As soon as I tried, I. I knew it wasn't going to happen.

[Pete Holmes]

I was just.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

We might.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know if we're going to edit it because I'm so, like, I want to be respectful. And when he. When I watch his show, my Howard Stern impression is just like, why do you do that? Why did he do that? He's always. And he's doing his job as like, kind of like a provocateur. He's always putting it on that.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

No, in other words, that's. He love that. That's a big one. In other words, what he's saying is.

[Pete Holmes]

But if I did it to you, I'd be. Kenny, Kenny, Jim Norton said that you are a. A tall half comic. Why would he say that? No, why would he say that? What do you mean? He's a half comic? You're a half comic. Like a half a man. What does he say that?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, that is very.

[Pete Holmes]

But you know what?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Now I'm hurt by think. Jim Norton didn't say.

[Pete Holmes]

He said, you're like half a. Come away. Would you say that? But I mean, like, you could easily make fun of me and be like, my impression of. If I knew you were called half a comic. And then it's just a story of me telling a story about how when I was nine, I dressed up as a pirate and my dad didn't give me a ride to trick or treat me. Like we never get to it.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Just say something hurtful and then pivot.

[Pete Holmes]

What were we talking about? Dmt.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But also all your different identities.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

All my identity.

[Pete Holmes]

Tried to be a. Yeah, good old boy.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Try to be a good old boy. And that didn't play either. Well, there was a time where I thought I might be working in the farming industry, too.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I was, like, preparing myself for.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

My grandfather bought a business in the 70s and my dad and uncle still run it. And, you know, there's. There was that path. You're in college, you're like. And I knew I wanted to be a comedian. But then there's also, like, who's gonna shut the door? Who thinks that's plausible? Who even thinks that's a plausible. I remember when I heard about Second City, I was like, wait, what? There's a school?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I was like, george Wentz went to school for Cheers.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, There's Cheers school.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

There's Cheers school.

[Pete Holmes]

He minored in Barstool technique.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You're telling me John Belushi went to school for Animal House? Truly. Okay, cool. And so I didn't know that that was a thing you could do. And then, so, but in college I started doing open mics and, and I was like, oh, I think this is what I want.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. And then we look down and you are holding a carrot. Well, he is a farmer.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

He is, yeah. Right. Yeah, I do stand up, but my microphones are all produce, locally sourced. I'm actually just. I'm actually just an unhinged. An unhinged person.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Living in a fantasy of my own creation.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm an unhinged person.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I walk around with an eggplant and do stand up. You can see me in Hollywood Boulevard next to the spider man.

[Pete Holmes]

Hey, I talk into an eggplant, there's already a guy that does it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

We have a feud.

[Kenny DeForest]

You stole my essence.

[Pete Holmes]

You stole my.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

He's only using a squash because it looks like an eggplant.

[Pete Holmes]

So when you were, you were dabbling in farming.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Dabbling in farming.

[Pete Holmes]

But did your fir. Where did you do your first open mic?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And how did that happen, man? So I, I mean, and it's funny too. It's one of those things where comedy is such a weird profession that most people go, what? Really? But if you look back at my life, it makes so much sense.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Like it started so young and you know, in college, I emceed our. In college. Sorry. In high school, like I MC'd our assemblies my senior year. Like I was that guy, you know, I would write sketches for the assembly and I would do the funny videos and all that stuff.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And no, I look back on that too.

[Pete Holmes]

They were like, will you DJ our wedding? Like if you've been asked to DJ five weddings before you're out of college.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Fully, you might be a stand up comedian. If you've been asked to give a speech at your grandparents anniversary party, you might be a stand up comedy.

[Kenny DeForest]

If you're not a minister and people keep asking you to officiate your wedding, you're obviously the queen.

[Pete Holmes]

If your dentist asks you to do the outgoing message of their fur.

[Kenny DeForest]

You, not me. I'll stand.

[Pete Holmes]

That was him killing himself before he finished.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, he killed himself. He's definitely a stand up comedian.

[Kenny DeForest]

Okay, very good.

[Pete Holmes]

That was a yes. And that was a dark yes.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

A dark yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And we wrote it in the darkest of inks. Oh, so you, you went up after you were doing your sketches in high school.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, yeah. And so, you know, and then I just had several friends that just said were very supportive of the idea. From the beginning and even before I was open about. That's what I wanted, I had friends be like, you should do stand up. Just the way you think about the world. It's just interesting. And I don't know that I. You say things sometimes that it feels like a different take or whatever that's. And I'd already been writing jokes in a little book. And the poetry next to the poetry.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That was. It's like bipolar ness in like a. In a visual.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

In a book form.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yes.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Like really sweet poetry and then just like dark, horrible.

[Kenny DeForest]

Why is one of my balls bigger than the other one? It's like I got one grapefruit and one grape.

[Pete Holmes]

Then next to that, it's like, her name is Penelope.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Her name is Penelope. Next to my balls. One of my balls is bigger than the other one of them.

[Kenny DeForest]

Your grape. One of them. Your grape.

[Pete Holmes]

You were saying your first time doing stand up.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So anyway, I had these, these. These books of jokes I'd been writing down and I just always. I'd always. I even. You know what. Did you remember the website Gig Salad back in the day? I think Steve Hofstadter started it, but it was like Salad comics would like. No, maybe Gig Salad. Wasn't Hofstedter a comedy soapbox?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that was comedy.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That was Steve. So it's funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Danny McDermott.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And I. And I'm in Springfield, Missouri. There's no comedy club there at the time. And. But I just wanted to do comedy so bad. I would like type stand up comedy into the Internet and whatever came up. So you could make a profile on Comedy Soapbox. Yeah, of course. So I made one before I'd even done Stand up. Yeah, of course.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's kind of like how you get business cards before you do your first open credits.

[Pete Holmes]

This website.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

This website. A real desire.

[Pete Holmes]

When you click on the credits, it just redirects you to the site you're already on.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's like credits. And then it's like you just put your GPA here.

[Pete Holmes]

Giggles per attitude.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Giggles per class.

[Kenny DeForest]

Yes.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

But I. So I had a profile on there. And so someone in our college, weirdly, it was like a business class.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

They.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You're supposed to make a fake business and make a business plan. So this one group decided to make a comedy club as their thing. And weirdly enough, they had to come up with sample acts and they found my profile on Comedy Soapbox. Oh, my God. So I Got outed as a wannabe comedian. And so then it was. And then people on campus knew. So then it was like, you know, I would be asked to do a couple, like, fraternity parties, whatever, that sort of thing. But my first ever mic was because we were at a bar. I'm drunk. Two of my friends come over and go, hey, you got to meet this guy. He's a comic and he lives in town. And I go, what the hell? And he was literally the. I think, at the time, the only guy doing stand up in Springfield. And they introduced us. And him and I, of course, are standing at the bar, drunk, doing jokes back and forth to each other, like the most obnoxious possible version of what we are. And then he told me, he's like, they have a mic at this place called the Outland in Springfield.

[Pete Holmes]

After five jokes, he went, you're all right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You got it. You got the goods, kid.

[Pete Holmes]

I want to see that scene.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I wish I could go back.

[Pete Holmes]

Why is it called Zest? Body clean, whatever you're doing. He's like, I got a soap bit. He's a soap bit. You trading fours.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

If it was a real Irish Spring, you'd probably smell like whiskey.

[Kenny DeForest]

Oh, really? Ivory. What is this? Soap for white people. Hey, where's Ebony?

[Pete Holmes]

That is an SNL sketch waiting to happen.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Keenan doing a commercial.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, Ebony.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Ivory soap. And now there's Ebony. So from the makers of Ivory, it's basically because they did White Noise Machine. Black noise machine.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Well, that's an endless.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, yeah, you can always take. White people do this. Black people do this. It's like. Goes back to, like, Shakespeare and a bit with a dog. We love a dog. Like, I watch Once Upon a Time in Hollywood. I was like, we still love a good bit with a dog.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Love that movie.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That was a good movie.

[Pete Holmes]

That's actually what I've been flapping my gums a little bit about how I don't. Didn't like the Joker. What bothers me more. It's not so much that I didn't like the Joker as much as, like, why aren't we talking about how good Once Upon a Time in Hollywood is? Because everyone's like, joker time. Get the Oscar ready. Joker time. And I'm like, this guy fucking killed it. Yeah, he made an incredible, incredible. I saw it again. It's like an incredibly perfect movie.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I want to go back and watch it again.

[Pete Holmes]

But is it in the DC universe?

[Kenny DeForest]

Where's Thanos? I like this Brad Pitt Guy. Is he from Thelma Lewis?

[Pete Holmes]

That's a two hour call.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Is this Joker's manager?

[Kenny DeForest]

Hi, it's Joker, manager. You need a guy on talk show, shoot you in the face. Hello?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Well, the thing about Joker that I thought was ridiculous is what late night talk show is gonna show a video of an open mic comedian bombing and then roast him.

[Pete Holmes]

Kenny, you realize that the. The whole. This is the whole thing. And I don't. I don't even think you can ruin this movie. You're either gonna like it or you're not.

[Kenny DeForest]

So skip it if you don't want to hear my client's movie.

[Pete Holmes]

Be right. Ruined. But it's. It's a. It's an unreliable narrator. That's the whole thing is you don't know what happened.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So, you know, sometimes I forget, like, Natasha Leggero has a joke about like, I don't want to buy a color pencil. A color pencil sketch of the madness in your mind. Like a homeless person selling. That's what the Joker is to me is like. And then I was on a late night show.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh yeah.

[Kenny DeForest]

And then they booked me because they were mean. And then they socially shit. And then Thomas Wayne punched me in.

[Pete Holmes]

A bathroom because that's how people act. You know what I mean? And then I went on a late.

[Kenny DeForest]

Night show, but I got the last laugh and I escaped in a cop car.

[Pete Holmes]

And now it's like, why are we listening to the guy?

[Kenny DeForest]

Why is he telling the story?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, that is.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't want the crazy guy telling the story. I want the people that are in the room going like, is this guy okay? Can they have a scene in the movie? Everybody's just there to be like, are you crazy yet?

[Kenny DeForest]

Hey, stupid, you crazy yet? I just want a sandwich. Sandwiches are for stupids. You want a knife? Why would I want a knife? Take the knife.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the Joker. It's the movie the Joker.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It really is.

[Kenny DeForest]

But I just want to have a good time with my mom. Give me a bath and wash my titties. But I just want to be a good boy. I fuck your dad just like, are you crazy yet?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Are you crazy?

[Kenny DeForest]

When he goes crazy.

[Pete Holmes]

Why wouldn't he go crazy?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So much so. It was nice to see Frances Conroy though.

[Pete Holmes]

Who? Dad.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

The mom.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, the mom.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

She was six feet under.

[Pete Holmes]

She was good. Yeah, I thought she was good.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

She's so good in Six Feet under, which I'm actually currently watching for the first time.

[Pete Holmes]

I've never seen it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's really good.

[Pete Holmes]

People tell me I should see it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's terrific. People, I don't know if you know this. There's a lot of TV out there to be watched.

[Pete Holmes]

What, do I work for this thing? That's how I always feel about tv. Have you seen Fleabag? I'm like, what? Do I work for this fucking thing? I did see Fleabag, it was good.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I haven't seen it yet. Sounds good.

[Pete Holmes]

It's about a bag of fleas that becomes animate kind of Men in Black. First one style. Sorry, I have not slept at all.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, I don't blame you. No, this is great. That's right up my alley. What am I, a bag of fleas?

[Kenny DeForest]

Then the bag of fleas.

[Pete Holmes]

What it does is right, it gets animate, it's in a bag and it becomes a woman.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Now what's a fleabag? Is that where the bass player for the Red Hot Chili Pepper stores his guitar?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Huh?

[Pete Holmes]

Believe me, I've seen Fleabag and it's fleas bag. And it's. It's a Red Hot Chili Pepper of a tough. What's his name? What's the guy's name? Anthony.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, Kiedis.

[Pete Holmes]

Kiedis. Try stand up, Fleabag.

[Kenny DeForest]

Believe me, I woke up to series one on my forehead. Don't fall asleep on the door. Bars under the bridge, under the balls, downtown. It's where I felt the bag under the ball.

[Pete Holmes]

We got to the audience, everyone's leaving.

[Kenny DeForest]

Maybe I'm funnier when I haven't slept for three minutes.

[Pete Holmes]

So we're circling in on your first time doing stand up. You had the joke off, which is a very funny scene.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

The joke off?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I need that. I need that written large.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, God, yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

If I could. I wish we had that thing from Black Mirror where I could just play back for you. My. Oh my God.

[Pete Holmes]

What I saw, that's what you would watch while you're having sex.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You know how they're always like watching.

[Pete Holmes]

Other things while they're having sex? You're just watching Ivory.

[Kenny DeForest]

Where's Ebony Soap?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And then, and then, and then confidently going, I should do this for a living.

[Pete Holmes]

He said, where?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, yeah. So you told me where to go. Is a music mic, like a mix mic, his music mic. And I followed a one man band, okay. Something like the something King. He was a blues one man band and it was literally him, another musician. And then four of my friends that had come to watch. And then I went up, no laughs. And then the last joke, I improvised.

[Pete Holmes]

A.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Punchline on the spot that got A laugh.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, God.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It was like one laugh in five and four minutes.

[Kenny DeForest]

Nuts.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, not.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Not zero, not zero.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you remember the line?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, it was something about like. Like something about how you got to use condoms, you know, because. Or you gotta. You gotta talk for sex. You gotta know. And this girl asked me, do you have any STDs? And I asked her, I asked her, do you have any STDs? And she was like, you mean right now? Which for some reason I thought that was the joke.

[Pete Holmes]

That is really funny.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

She's like, you mean like right now? And then the line I improvised.

[Kenny DeForest]

Have you cleared up?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kenny DeForest]

Tell me about the full palate.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Tell me.

[Kenny DeForest]

Did you ever have a cold sore when you're 12? Give me the whole skinny.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Did your hard party and auntie kiss you on the mouth when you were 12 and now you have a blister? Tell me about it. So. But I said so. It was like.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

So she goes.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

She goes, you mean right now? And in the line I improvised was. I go, yes, right now. I know what you're going to have tomorrow, which is creepy and bad.

[Pete Holmes]

I prefer the one that you thought was the. I can hear the second line being the thing that would get an open mic crowd to laugh.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That was for the back of the room.

[Pete Holmes]

But I think you could. Do you mean right now, tonight? And I think that's funny.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That is a funny response. You mean right now STDs.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And I don't even remember if that was based on a real experience or if I just thought that was a funny response to that question.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's super funny.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I was in college. It's like, only thing you know to talk about is sex and partying. You don't have any other thing to pull from.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that was me when I was 29, but because that's when all the sex happened.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's when you finally started.

[Pete Holmes]

I finally started doing it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I started having sex.

[Pete Holmes]

The birds do it, bees do it. I used to listen to that song to get myself ready. Even sophisticated fleas do it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, God, that'd be. I'm just picturing you, like, bringing someone back to your place and walking in the apartment and just turning on a record. And that's the song.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

That's the history.

[Pete Holmes]

I was like, you ready to go to the bedroom? Be.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Do it.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Ha cha cha cha.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Even sophisticated. Please do it. Hey, can I get you a glass of wine or anything? Birds do it.

[Kenny DeForest]

Let's do it.

[Pete Holmes]

That was a joke back then. It's all like, they do it.

[Kenny DeForest]

Let's do it. Let's fall in love.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, so. It's like you think it's a dirty.

[Kenny DeForest]

Song, but then it's like, I meant fall in love.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

What'd you think I meant?

[Kenny DeForest]

I hate music. Humor.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, man.

[Kenny DeForest]

I hate when it's like, I like the look of ya. Look at the shape of them. They're so round. Look at her eyes.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, totally.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Get the fuck out of my face.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I know.

[Kenny DeForest]

Festival.

[Pete Holmes]

We call it Barenaked Ladies humor.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, it is. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I like bare Naked Ladies. Ants.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Man, that's brown. Is that maybe the most famous beginning to a song ever?

[Pete Holmes]

Somebody. They were all in the same era.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, it's been somebody.

[Pete Holmes]

That's if they met at a bar. Hey, I heard you're a musician. It's been.

[Kenny DeForest]

Somebody wants Tommy.

[Pete Holmes]

What Is another song? Happy.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Okay, there's one, two.

[Pete Holmes]

You get two notes, but you have to put a song in someone's head. It's dead.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Poor Some. That's not the first one. I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, can I repeat a note?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah. Okay.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Okay, that's four notes. That's four.

[Pete Holmes]

But that's two notes.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, two notes for syllables. I don't know. Music. Yeah, music doesn't have syllables.

[Pete Holmes]

We'll think of others. People are screaming at their. I think it's on the radio at their radios. Do you know one? Katie. There's got to be another one. Katie's been watching my baby, too. It's a you're tired joke. Barely made sense. I'm saying is you're tired because you've been watching the baby. I have to go. Say, keep it crispy.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Say, say, keep it. She's my. Oh, that's good. I knew exactly what that was.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Damn. Now I'm back. I'm back hooked. She sits alone.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, she sits alone by a.

[Kenny DeForest]

She sits alone by a mailbox.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

She sits alone by a lamp pole.

[Pete Holmes]

Jeremy Spur.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, there's one.

[Pete Holmes]

We don't have, like, a. It has to be, like, iconic.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I think only Happy Birthday, Smash Mouth and Barenaked Ladies are iconic.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Those are the only three iconic songs we have in the American. The rich history of American music.

[Pete Holmes]

That's it. That's it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

So you did the mic and you did the joke.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I did the mic.

[Pete Holmes]

I did the joke. But then you had the bug.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I had the bug, and I was. I was stuck, man. And I loved it. And I also had a friend who was starting to get into music in college, and I. I was like really pushing him hard to do it. And then at some point I was like, oh, wait, I think I'm doing this because I want to be on stage and I'm too afraid to do it. So I'm pushing him to be up there. I'm like living vicariously. Totally get in there. So then finally I started.

[Pete Holmes]

And when you hit the home run, look at my ex wife look a dead in the eye and say, could.

[Kenny DeForest]

You do that, baby? You missed this. Then grab your little cup and show those tight buttons as you run by.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

This is like a different type of bad sports dad. Instead of pushing his son too hard to be good at sports, he's just trying to get him to hurt his mother. You look that right in the eye and you tell her, maybe I could have hit the ball harder if a certain mother was around to give me breast milk. You tell her that right to her face. Everybody knows that the formula don't make a strong a boy.

[Kenny DeForest]

I don't know if people could tell, but I was laughing that whole time. I haven't had a good hearty har.

[Pete Holmes]

Har in a while.

[Kenny DeForest]

You look right in the fucking eye and you say, that was. There's too many microwave dealers, Mama.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, we should do a podcast called Sleep deprivation where you just don't sleep and then you only have silly billies.

[Kenny DeForest]

You're hitting the ball and you say, maybe we could have afforded an aluminum bat if mama worked too.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And every time you miss that catch, you look and say, mama, maybe if you went so drunk when you were throwing me the ball, it would have come close enough for me to practice catching the ball.

[Kenny DeForest]

I don't want to say you were a drunk growing up, but your brush fed me Kahlu. She's fresh feeding the coffee liqueur with cream.

[Pete Holmes]

Why doesn't Kahlua go bad? It's just sitting there on the shelf. It's got fucking cream in it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, that's a good question. The alcohol, maybe.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's what we always say. The alcohol saves us. I ask every guest this question. Why doesn't Kahlua go bad?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

As you're just drinking 5 year old Kahlua.

[Pete Holmes]

We'Re closing in on DMT.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

We'll get there. We'll get there.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, we're getting there.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

One fine day.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

You did it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I did it.

[Pete Holmes]

Your friend was getting into sports.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, my buddy was getting into music.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And then I did stand up and.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you were pushing him to do music.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And then after college, my cousin and I went backpacking through Europe because we're white people. And I always say my joke is, it's birthright for gentiles.

[Pete Holmes]

Hilarious.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

We backpack Europe.

[Pete Holmes]

You're climbing up a mountain to get to the white part.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

We need to get to where the white is.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Springfield, Missouri, is not white enough for me. I need to go to Ireland.

[Kenny DeForest]

Too much diversity.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I need to be the least redheaded person in this country.

[Pete Holmes]

Take me to the A in the white Alphabet.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm tired of being in the Ds. So you went backpacking.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

We went backpacking. And I no stand up there. No stand up. But I. I was trying to figure out what I wanted to do because I graduated and my degree is in economics and finance. And again, hilarious to think about me as a wealth manager, but that was, I think, where I was headed.

[Pete Holmes]

And then considered putting your records in a checkered board.

[Kenny DeForest]

Fashion really gives some life to the place.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So here's what I'm suggesting. We're gonna take your cash, we're gonna bury it in the wall. You're gonna cover it with records, and it's gonna appreciate. That does not mean it's gonna grow in value. It just means you're gonna appreciate that it's there.

[Pete Holmes]

Somebody has to have said that at some point. Some crooked guy is gonna.

[Kenny DeForest]

It's not gonna appreciate in value, but you're gonna appreciate it. Nice to meet you. My name is Sal. It's great to meet you.

[Pete Holmes]

Fat Hand Goldrings.

[Kenny DeForest]

Nice to meet ya.

[Pete Holmes]

Tam.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

He's blowing cigars, smoking your baby's face.

[Kenny DeForest]

I don't think it'll appreciate, but you'll appreciate it.

[Pete Holmes]

And then he has a heart attack.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's my little joke.

[Pete Holmes]

That is somebody's last words.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, for sure.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm gonna try to make it mine.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, man. So, yeah, that was the path, I thought. And then, you know, I graduated. No, wait. And that was right when, like, Goldman Sachs closed and all that. So it was like an extra little incentive where it's like. Well, because I was always worried about, like, I don't know, I always wanted to, like, do what everyone wanted me to do. Like, I want so badly in my heart to be a Republican. Like, I just wish I could.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You know, and I. And I want to be. I want. I want to go. I want to go further.

[Pete Holmes]

That if I lived. Like, here's a thought experiment. It's la. It's. Everyone, you know, lives here, but all the celebrities are Republicans. Just flip everything. Yeah, I do this all the time. Would you flip?

[Kenny DeForest]

Probably.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Probably.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean? You. You lose. You lose this one, but you gain this one. You can be righteous about this one and you give up that one. You just gotta. I'm not saying, like, I don't fundamentally believe in the. The causes of liberal Democrats or whatever, but I can see a world where it's like, what, are you crazy?

[Kenny DeForest]

You don't.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Kenny DeForest]

You're not pro.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You know that smaller town folk. It makes sense. It's like you don't see your government money at work when you live in the country and you don't see it. You just don't see it. You don't see your tax dollars doing anything.

[Pete Holmes]

It was like in Chappelle's Special where he's like, when you live in the woods, you get a shotgun. Like, everybody has a shotgun, and everybody. Then that leads to wanting other guns or whatever. Because in the city, I'm just not this kind of comedian or I do it on stage, but I also don't think it's that funny. In the city. We do have guns. We all, like. We're like, I don't have guns. I do have guns. I keep them at the police station.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I'm saying? And I dial three numbers. Who has time for seven numbers? I dial three because I need those guns here now. And I hire this underpaid person to shoot someone for me.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Totally.

[Kenny DeForest]

We're all pro gun.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We're all. All pro gun.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

We're all pro gun when there's a gun. That's right.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, Fully.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm fro.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

God.

[Pete Holmes]

I just don't shoot it there. Some people are just shooting their own guns.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Fully. Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's true. And so, you know, there's always a part of me that. That gets that and. And obviously, like, I. I think having an inherent distrust of the government is not an inherently silly thing to do either. I don't think we should all be like, they'll handle it for us.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's also not a great mindset.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. That's where the Republicans win or they get. That's their. For me, that's their best selling point, is they're like. I remember being very dear friends with a very, very, very adamant Republican in college, and he was like, I just like less government. And I was like, that's such a great selling point. Like, I just don't want them interfering. And because we were religious, he was like, I think charity and helping is wonderful, but I think that's the Job of the church is what he would say.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He didn't think the government is supposed to be doing that with their money. And I was like, this guy's making.

[Kenny DeForest]

A lot of sense.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But then, I don't know.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I think the. Well, the flip side of that is you're going to have overlords. Do you want them to be government overlords, where you technically have a say?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Or do you want them to be corporate overlords, where you have to buy stock to have a say?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

And Kenny df.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

How about that? Down to F. So that's what I think about. And that's why. And also, like, because then, then at least with the government, your money is what they call democratized, where you can at least vote on what to do with it.

[Pete Holmes]

And then that's interesting. I haven't seen a ballot at McDonald's.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I haven't seen one either.

[Pete Holmes]

Hey, you know what I'd like you to do with the profits? How about a shampoo that doesn't tingle so much?

[Kenny DeForest]

Self inflow.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, he was a comedian again. We thought he was a different guy.

[Kenny DeForest]

But he's not Guy. But it's me.

[Pete Holmes]

It was me, the joker's manager.

[Kenny DeForest]

And also kind of the same voice.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

As the guy that says, hey, this yogurt here is parfait. The course.

[Kenny DeForest]

Since I've been doing yogurt, my trips have been less intense. It's me, Kenny, the forest, but in a different voice, saying different things. Kind of similar. I think doing all that yogurt is waking up my Kundalini.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Hot yogurt. It's gonna be a little too runny at that point.

[Kenny DeForest]

Honey, you don't want hot yogurt. You don't order the Bikram yogurt. Trust me on that one.

[Pete Holmes]

Cut to black. Gurgle. Sound like fart. Gurgle sound. Incredible credits of our first movie.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

We wrote it and sold it.

[Kenny DeForest]

I needed this.

[Pete Holmes]

I needed some.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

This is our Joker movie. And then. And then we wrote the yogurt movie and sold it for $12 billion.

[Kenny DeForest]

Are you fermented yet? Nobody gives a fuck about you, Milk. Are you yogurt yet?

[Pete Holmes]

When you bring me up, would you bring me up as the yoker?

[Kenny DeForest]

The yoker? The yoker. No, no, no.

[Pete Holmes]

I will.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I will. I certainly will.

[Kenny DeForest]

The yoker.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

The yoker.

[Kenny DeForest]

Yoker. Yoker.

[Pete Holmes]

Would you bring me up as Yoker?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

God, that's funny.

[Pete Holmes]

He kind of says it's sweet.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

He is the yoker.

[Pete Holmes]

Would you bring me up as Yoker? That's not a bad Joaquin. All right, we're there. Dmt, you know, we made it. He smoked it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I smoked it. It changed.

[Pete Holmes]

But you did mushrooms first, and then you jumped right to dmt.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

No, I had done mushrooms a couple times, and then I had a very profound mushroom trip.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell me that.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

At Bonnaroo. That's where I was really, when you had yours.

[Pete Holmes]

Our stories, are they too.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

They're similar, man. I know. I thought. I've. I've thought that many times.

[Pete Holmes]

They're incredibly similar.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a chapter in my book. Well, it's called Mushrooms, but it's about Bonnaroo.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

It's about the. We had a trip in the same place, and that was where I was.

[Kenny DeForest]

Like, maybe God was one of us. Just as strange.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It turns out you were just tripping during Cheryl Crow at Bonnaroo.

[Pete Holmes]

I believe that's someone else.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Cheryl Crow didn't sing God is One of Us.

[Pete Holmes]

It's someone else.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I'm embarrassed.

[Pete Holmes]

It's okay.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

If it was Michelle Branch, I'm gonna kill myself.

[Pete Holmes]

It wasn't. It was somebody at a nose ring.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, if God.

[Pete Holmes]

So you took much into Bonner. Tell me everything.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, we.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Joan. I'm sorry, Joan. That was disrespectful. Jonah, Cheryl Crow is from Missouri. Or at least she went to college there. So shout out to Cheryl, Shout out to Cher. No, we took it. Ate the mushrooms, man. And. And you know, I've always cared. Comedy there? No, I was just down there. Visit. I was with two comedians, though. But we just went to go because I'd never been to a big festival before.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And I was having that, like, this is the time of my life where I can do this.

[Pete Holmes]

What year?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

20S, 2012.

[Pete Holmes]

Because what if it was 2009? That's.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That when you were there doing it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, man. We were so, like. We ate these mushrooms and we were walking, and I. I looked at the group I was with, and I could see in their eyes there was fear. Like, I could tell everybody because I. They were hitting me hard. And I turned and my buddies all look scared. And I was like, let's sit down right here.

[Pete Holmes]

And.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Because we were looking for a specific.

[Pete Holmes]

Band, but it was to get a badge for that. The person on mushrooms. That goes.

[Kenny DeForest]

Everybody, cool it.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, that.

[Pete Holmes]

That is a hero.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, full.

[Pete Holmes]

That is the Jesus of the mushroom trip.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, that is.

[Pete Holmes]

Thank God. Grace has sent us someone that said, we don't have to go to the band.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

We don't have to.

[Pete Holmes]

I was on A hike once, and we were all kicking in the mushrooms and I was like, let's just sit down. Like, the heaving and the hiking. I was like, who's. It wasn't my idea to move.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Kurt Braun Oller.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, that's classic Kurt.

[Pete Holmes]

Classic Kurt with the gate of a gazelle.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Always gotta be jet skiing down the Mississippi River. Can't just sit down, Kurt Turtle, and.

[Pete Holmes]

Trip your nards off your fleabag off.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Chip your fleabag off. Oh, man, that's fun. I'm tripping my fleabag down over here. Phoebe.

[Pete Holmes]

So you got scared? I love this story. Please.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Got scared down.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

And.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And we're just watching this band we'd never heard of. And. And so the thought came over me, yeah. Yeah. It was a blue day. We sat down and it was just this, like, reggae band from North. Asheville, North Carolina. I don't remember what they were called, but I remember they're saying, we're from Asheville, North Carolina. And they were incredible. And so I had this thought where I was like. I was watching this guy play a guitar solo and I was just like, there's no way he's doing that consciously. His fingers are moving. I was like, something's flowing through him.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And I was like, oh, the same thing is flowing through him that's flowing through fleek. Because actually, Red Hot Chili Peppers was there that year. And I was like. And it's the same thing that's flowing through Questlove when he drums because the Roots were there. And I was thinking about all the big acts and I was like, it's the same energy that's compelling this guy. And they're just channeling. They're not doing. They're channeling.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. They're getting out of the way.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

They're allowing. They're getting out of the way and letting this thing to take control. And that's why everyone at this park is in such a good mood.

[Pete Holmes]

A microwave is something that is built so that everything that would be in the way of it being a microwave is removed and only the parts that want to be a microwave remain.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's smoke weed on that idea.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Kenny DeForest]

Because a microwave. Listen up. Is just the parts.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

We are now watching a scene from when we were in college. This is. We're living it now.

[Kenny DeForest]

I don't need to talk Reed. I just need to get up with.

[Pete Holmes]

Leela again at 11 and then again at 3 and then again at 5, and that's.

[Kenny DeForest]

What time is it now? 2:30. That's my life.

[Pete Holmes]

A microwave is just the parts that will.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Everything's out of the way.

[Pete Holmes]

Yield to being, to microwaving food.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's interesting. And it's very true.

[Pete Holmes]

No part of it that is that, like, if there was, that would be removed.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah. And if there was, it would not work.

[Pete Holmes]

And if there wasn't, if there was one less part. It's just the essential part.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

If there was just like a magnet in the microwave and all it did was tell the microwave that it wasn't good enough to microwave.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Then nothing else matters.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's what humans are. Humans have too many things telling them not to be a microwave.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Way too many, man. And I was dealing with that. Like, I. I have a guilty conscience problem that I've been. I'm. I'm better now, but it's still there. But especially at that age, I always had this. This feeling in the back of my head that I was disappointing everybody. Even though verbally. Everybody was like, we support you and, and I, and we think it's cool what you're doing and go do it and go live. My parents never once were like, comedy, huh? The whole time they were like, hey, do it, chase it, get it.

[Pete Holmes]

That's great.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

But. But I. I always in my head was like, yeah, but they're just saying that.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Silly shit.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, that's probably why you're funny, though. Not, not. Not that everything needs to be spun. There's probably a good side to that.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

No, that's true.

[Pete Holmes]

But there's also a bad side to it. Let's get rid of it.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Now that it's served you, let's drop it here. Kenny, you're 33.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Leave it right here with the rest. With the microwave.

[Pete Holmes]

Leave it with that thing.

[Kenny DeForest]

That would make you a microwave.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I could be a microwave.

[Pete Holmes]

If you took this glass thing on your face, if you took these buttons.

[Kenny DeForest]

On your belly, you'd be your mic microwave.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

This old timey singer, the Birds and the Beast guy. I like him. You could be a microwave with the right pots.

[Kenny DeForest]

You plus pots equals microwave technology.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Just don't heat the yogurt.

[Kenny DeForest]

Vicrum yogurt. Vicam Yogurt.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Vikram yogurt. It's.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

You have to.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You have to hold the spoon for a very long time in one position.

[Pete Holmes]

It doesn't get thick room.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Two C's thickroom.

[Kenny DeForest]

Thick room yogurt.

[Pete Holmes]

I've wondered what it would be like if I smoked pot on this podcast. This is exactly what I'm like.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I'm glad I bring that energy.

[Pete Holmes]

You do.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

This is a treat for me. I feel like I have like stress in my body and you're like ministering to me.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Sponge it, baby.

[Pete Holmes]

And letting me be silly.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

And I.

[Pete Holmes]

It's valuable. Valuable.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Silliness is where it's at, man.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, being funny is so overrated. Being silly is the. I hope you have that with your lady. Cuz that.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, big time.

[Pete Holmes]

I've had girlfriends that I had to be funny for where I'm like, they put the napkin on the plate as if I wasn't going to find it.

[Kenny DeForest]

By the plate, you know, like some.

[Pete Holmes]

I have to do bits.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But if I can just put that napkin on my head and go Chips Ahoy like that.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's a good bit.

[Pete Holmes]

It's nothing. It's just being playful.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

But I love it.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah. No, and I'm.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I'm. I'm a silly idiot with my lady.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

It's the best. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's all you want. That those are relation. Hashtag relationship goals. Someone you can be silly with.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, fully.

[Pete Holmes]

Silly is so easy.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It is. And it is so pure.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. There's nothing in my brain that goes, let's stop being silly. Except the need for sleep. But I would like to be funny less if I could because that means I'm thinking, I'm being clever. I'm comparing, I'm contrasting, I'm constructing. It's all this work. But being silly is just like, have.

[Kenny DeForest]

You ever smelled your own?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Well, and I've been trying to get rid of the desire to be cool, which is a big problem. And when I was younger it was worse. And can you imagine? The kid with the diamond earring wanted to be cool. But that's ego. And that prevents you from being silly because it's vulnerable to be silly. It's cool to lean on the mic and be like, you know, we're all dying in a godless universe. Don't you like that's cool? Everyone likes nihilism.

[Pete Holmes]

Meat on a chicken bone waiting to be devoured by this tiny like eel like creature.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So why don't you just embrace it, do drugs and fuck me. The guy who's a nihilist.

[Pete Holmes]

Take off my leather pants and release the Kraken.

[Kenny DeForest]

Oh my God.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I think a cool guy would say.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I only wear fingerless gloves so I can touch the bullshit. Feel it.

[Pete Holmes]

Also so I can call an Uber.

[Kenny DeForest]

You can't call an Uber with midis on.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's the nihilist is still practical. Well, listen, just because I'M not afraid of death means I need to be drunk driving. I still take Ubers after three or four cocktails.

[Pete Holmes]

Sure, I walk around the block thinking about the cold, dark universe, but I also count my steps.

[Kenny DeForest]

I need at least 45 more steps to be in the average. Okay, so you took my ships.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I took my ship to the Bonnar room, man. Oh, and also, like, yeah, I didn't.

[Pete Holmes]

Know you sat down.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I sat down when I'm watching the guitar solo, realizing the energy. And I. Then I looked up in the clouds, and I saw kind of my folks up there, and I. They basically said to me, quote, unquote, yep, stop worrying about us, dumbass. Do what you do. Like, quit thinking we are disappointed. It was basically them in the clouds being like, we support you. We love you. You know that? Don't be an idiot.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Wow.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And then there was another figure that felt like God or whatever, something benevolent. And I was looking up at that. I was like, oh, my God. And I just started hearing the words, let it, let it, let it. Because another thing is, I always. I have a control product being control. And with psychedelics especially, that's. It's a lesson in losing control, letting go.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm so with you.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I see your tattoo says, this is from that trip. And it says, let it be it. Right.

[Pete Holmes]

I bet people are like, did you mean to say, let it be, but you ran out of room?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, exactly. And I'm like, the Beatles, missed part. You don't just let it, but you also be it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, well, tell me everything. What do you mean?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And also, I was, like, pretty young in comedy. So 2012. I'd been at it about three years, and I was just trying to figure out what. What do I want to be? What do I want to do with this? Am I Bill Hicks, or am I. Am I the. Am I silly? Am I. You know, what? What, What? What am I trying to do with my comedy? Do I want my comedy to be important? Do I want it just to be funny? Do I want it to be smart?

[Pete Holmes]

What kind of car is my comedy?

[Kenny DeForest]

Is it a push?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Is it a voice? Is it a hoist?

[Kenny DeForest]

Is it a Porsche or a horse? I think this guy's driving a horse.

[Pete Holmes]

Shut up. That is the punchline to the worst joke.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I think he's driving.

[Kenny DeForest]

I say Porsche. I said, my horse. Nice to meet you. Money will appreciate.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You might like my client, the Yolker.

[Kenny DeForest]

I didn't say my horse. I said my Porsche.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the good version. Then I got in this Porsche it was a great day. So they said. Said don't worry about it so much. See, that's right on. I love this.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Like, just. Just be you. We support you. And. And then, you know, I. I was. I'm always in my head and trying too hard. I'm a try hard at heart, too, which I don't like that about myself.

[Pete Holmes]

And you control and you try hard.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Try hard.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And it's always, like, too eager. Like, when I was playing basketball, I was very much, yes, sir. And I'd run and dive all over the floor and play, but, like, play so hard that I would. It's too much. It's like, you could also relax some and.

[Pete Holmes]

And be like the hands of that reggae guitar solo.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And just let it, let it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Instead of do it, let it. So that was kind of the lesson, dude. Let it, let it, let it. And that's so. So let it was going through my head. Let it, let it, let it. And then be it. Just be it. Don't think about it, just be it.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Whatever it is, just be it. Just let it and be it.

[Pete Holmes]

And then Ramda said to me about comedy. He said, be comedy.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Whoa.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't be funny. He's like, just be comedy. Whoa, that's deep.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's right. And that's where I love psychedelics is. So many of the same lessons come through to different people all over the world.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's where it's like, okay, so we are tapping into something.

[Pete Holmes]

Right?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's why I believe it.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Because it's like when I commiserate with other people. Have you seen the Ken Kesey's Magic School Bus doc thing where it followed them around? Ken Kesey wrote one for the Cuckoo's Nest. Like, the Merry Band of Pranksters. They basically.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Watch as I write it down.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Watch it, Write it down. I think it might be called, like, the Magic School Bus or. Magic School Bus was the movie we watched in school, but it was something where it's like, the Merry Band of Pranksters. Ken Kesey, Mary Band of Pranksters. And they had a bus. I don't remember what they called it, but I think the title of the film is the. What the bus is called. But if you Google it, you'll find it.

[Pete Holmes]

Hey, I think I'm gonna find it.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's so good. And. But there's a woman in there that talks about a trip she had, and it, like, was basically Let it be. It was her takeaway, and it gave me chills. I Was like, no.

[Pete Holmes]

If I was more on my game, I could tell you where I've read. And it's multiple places. Let it be it. Let it is non resistance, basically.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And be it is on my fridge. You'll see. Maybe on the way out it says be love. Actually, it says right there.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, yeah. Be love.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I saw that. I love that.

[Pete Holmes]

Thinking about love is fun. Loving things because you like them is being love is actually. Is more like setting the radio of your being to a certain frequency where you just are love.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Thinking about why you love Katie is stupid. Just being a space wherein love for Katie can exist. Hope that wasn't weird. Is. Is what. What we're here to do fully. Not to. Not to critique and grade things and go, well, I love Katie, but not as much as Pringles. Not as much Dorito.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Fully.

[Pete Holmes]

You're just supposed to be. Shut your brain off and be it.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't think about love. Be love.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah. And it sounds so simple, but in practice, it's so hard, you know? And. Yes, but it's. It was. It just felt really profound. And I sat up and I go. My buddy goes, what? I go, I think I've got it. He goes, what? I go, I don't know. Give me paper and pen. And I wrote this as it's on my wrist. And he goes. And I go, do you get it? He goes, yes. Let it be it.

[Pete Holmes]

It.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Let it. And he started saying it. I was like, oh, okay. This feels like a profound moment.

[Pete Holmes]

Let it be it.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And I just like, that's my new moniker. Just let it and be it and chill out, dude. Because, like, before I would go on stage, I used to sit there for an hour on the brink of shaking. I'd be so nervous and thinking about every set and every word. And I would write a set list for every set, and I'd take it on stage. And while I was telling one joke, I'd be making sure I'm thinking about the transition into the next joke. And I'm up there. I'm not in the moment at all. Yeah, I sound like a robot.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And then it was just like kind of basically like. And actually saying, be comedy. That really is kind of was the realization of just like, dude, you're funny. Like, quit. Quit guessing.

[Pete Holmes]

Also, comedy happens in the merging of you and the audience. So if you think I just had a weak set recently, and I was like, on stage, and I was like, I'm just saying the words to the people. Like, I forgot to be it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was just like, I've said this before, and it was successful.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then I paused, and they're like, yeah, but we can tell you're not here. I always liken it to bad sex. Like, the. The sex is happening, but you forgot to connect. You got to be sex.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you're just doing.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's like. It's like you're thinking about the next thing. Like, oh, when this is over, I got to get in the shower.

[Pete Holmes]

Because the worst. It's what? It's the thief and the. And robs us of life.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And especially with comedy, it's hard because there's so much downtime. You know, sometimes it's hard to actually clock in for the part. That's work.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's also true. Stupid. But I had that soft set, and I was like, oh, right. I know. It's not. It's not like, the one thing that was missing, but sometimes backstage, I'll jump up and down a little bit just to get my heart rate going, and that's really helpful to me to remember this is game time. Like, get your heart rate up a little bit. Because if there was a problem with the show, I was, like, a little bit too relaxed.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You come back.

[Pete Holmes]

What's going on? I've been very relaxed. Relaxed all day, and I'm gonna be relaxed up here.

[Kenny DeForest]

They're like, we paid money for this.

[Pete Holmes]

Hey, how about you relax?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Why don't you try that? Yeah. It's so weird because I. I have sets where as soon as I start, I'll be two words in, and I'm like, this is gonna go very bad.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And I just know I can.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like mushrooms.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

You know when you first go into the space and you're like, oh, whoopsie, whoops.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Today wasn't the day for this.

[Pete Holmes]

Shouldn't have had all those caps.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, man. I've had. I had one of those recently.

[Pete Holmes]

I hate that. I hate that. You know right away.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I do, too.

[Pete Holmes]

You can turn it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You can.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like turning a school bus around.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's hard as hell.

[Pete Holmes]

And it. Because.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Because part of it, too, is the fear of the realization accelerates deeper.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's right. It runs. The feeling you get from it happening fuels it happening worse.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yes.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And so you literally have to do. So I find, like, if there's, like, a Frisbee or a ball to be thrown, that is the time to do it.

[Pete Holmes]

Ah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Get the body moving and Start focusing on something else.

[Pete Holmes]

I've heard that with marijuana, that's what lively up yourself is about.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, don't just sit there and freaking out. Like, yeah, go jump in the ocean.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, I play basketball Stone now. And my only thought on that is, I wish I discovered it sooner, because I would have been much better. I have an anxiety disorder, and weed really helps with it.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, wow.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And that's a good diagnosing. So, you know, depression, I always like to keep it different because there's clinically depressed people that I feel like deserve to have that, you know? Like, I don't know that I am one. So I'm.

[Pete Holmes]

I understand.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I deal with depressive episodes, but it is not what you.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, the difference. Will deal with calling someone a narcissist and saying, like, they have narcissistic tendencies. Right. Of respect for people that have narcissistic personality disorder.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And it's even, like, I don't talk about sober stuff that much on stage because I still smoke. I still trip. Like, I like to keep the sober. The applause from the audience. I like to save that for the sober people that are out.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm a firefighter. Get the applause. Volunteer two days a month.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, don't.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Exactly, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

Right, right, right. The real ones.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Exactly.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

So.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

But. But yeah. So that trip. That trip in Bonnaroo, that was really profound. And it was like, the first time I had ever been to a festival like that where I did drugs like that, like, multiple days and kind of stayed in that space.

[Pete Holmes]

You did them the next day.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So we did mushrooms the first day. The second day, there was. Was Molly going around the park, and we got. And it was, like, also weird because it was lit up in a way. We were like, oh, Bonnaroo's telling us that this is the night to do Molly. All of a sudden, there's neon lights everywhere, and Skrillex is the headliner. And you're like, okay.

[Pete Holmes]

We were walking around, and I think I remember Aziz did a bit about it. He was like, what's all this for? And I'm pretty sure he talked about taking much. I don't know. I don't want to put drugs in Aziz's story.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But it sounded like he was saying, then you take mushrooms, and you're like, oh, that's why they have this art exhibit that's tiny doors that you open, and there's glass, and you look in, and it's like a miniature scene of, like, Idaho in the 30s.

[Kenny DeForest]

And you're like, oh, my God. And they put Idaho in here.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, it's the most fascinating thing in.

[Kenny DeForest]

The world if you're on drugs.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

One time, we were at the Chicago Aquarium on mushrooms, and my buddy Nate Simmons was looking into a display, and he was looking in there, and I go. I go, what are you. What are you pondering on over here, buddy? He goes, you know, it's crazy out here. John Elway in there. No John Elway. I go, yeah, that kind of sucks for those fish. He goes, yeah, these. These fish don't know about John Elway.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I was like, all right, buddy, I'm gonna leave you. I'm gonna leave you to that.

[Pete Holmes]

I know everybody that listens to this podcast is gonna know what I'm about to. To say, but there was this guy who had this trip where he was in Chicago, and he kept touching things and going, is Chicago. Then it touches body and go, is not Chicago. And that is.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That is mushrooms.

[Pete Holmes]

Almost. Let it be at level where you like. It's so profound. I tell it every time it comes to mind.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And there's a song. It's a musician. I wish I could remember who it is. But the chorus is. Is Chicago. Is not Chicago. It's really fun.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, wow.

[Pete Holmes]

That is fucking crazy. Is la. This couch. Is LA based, I guess.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Kenny DeForest]

Technically.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's not going anywhere unless it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And I am not L. A.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You are not la.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's the joke of separation.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the whole mystical journey. That's all enlightenment is. That's all any momentary awakening is, is realizing the interconnectedness. But modern science agrees with that, and mystics agree with that, which is. It's either a swarm of molecules creating the. The play of separateness, or you could get the spiritual words in there and say the same thing.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's what's crazy is that science is actually finding the things that mystics have been saying, like.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You know, quantum physics and the. The connectedness of electrons across space. It's like.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

The one I always like is if you splice a atom in half and you have one half of the atom and boss on the other half and whatever. Shanghai. And you rotate it in Boston, it'll rotate in Shanghai. It's like you separate them as far as you can on this planet, and they. They're still connected. And then, you know, it stop. It starts being less weird when you have, like, twin phenomena. Like, we could. Everybody believes. Like, not everybody, but people seem to be more open to the idea that Twins have some sort of connection, or mothers and babies, or me and my daughter. Like, I'm certainly more attuned to, like. Like, my gut, my feelings. Like, is everything okay? I sort of have a. Like a. A wellness. And sometimes you have a. A feeling that something isn't okay. And it's weird that that gets confirmed by reality. So you start trusting your intuition. Or as Ram Dust would say. There are all these other levels of intelligence. Unfortunately, it's often grouped with females, women, female intuition. But we all have, like, our gut intelligence. That's one of the things that science is confirming, that there is an intelligence to the gut and there is an intelligence to the heart. And all these things that we've been saying that are very similar to, like, chakras that were being drawn on the walls at the pyramids.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, there's a crazy. Did you see. Ever see the doc on Netflix? I am. No, it's not very highly rated. I loved it. It's the guy who directed Liar, Liar and.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I did see it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's Venture, too, and the guy. But he goes to the Heart Institute, and they were basically talking about how they're finding that attraction might literally be because your heart beats in a way that, like, is in rhythm with the other person. So, like, if you feel attracted to someone, it very well might just truly be because your hearts are beating in a rhythm that is compatible. Weird and stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, smell is. It's such a weird thing that we're like. If you like someone's pheromones, you'll probably get along with them.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Come again?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, that's fucking trippy as shit.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I like you.

[Pete Holmes]

I like the way you smell, darling. Like, Val and I love the way each other smells. I know. That's like a creepy. Like, it's. We're in our hot tub. Val and I love the way we smell. And then I turn the lights off.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

The bubbles come on.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Birds do it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Bees do it.

[Pete Holmes]

That's me going underwater. Even Japanese. Please do it. That was their Netflix. What's he. What's he gonna say next? Japanese fleas? All right, so you did the drugs he took. The Molly Skrillex was on stage.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, that was funny, too, because I. We had neighbors that blasted dubstep in Chicago.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

And I was like.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And I was always like, well, now I feel old because there's now a genre of music that I do not understand. Dubstep. What is this? This is stupid. And then I was on Molly, and I was like, okay, I get it.

[Pete Holmes]

It's Like, I've never done Molly and listen to Skrillex, but I have done enough stuff that I can imagine it. And it has to feel like pulsing energy going up and down your spine and tingling your butthole.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, somebody told me they gave me some drugs I didn't take because I was scared. But they were like, if you take it, electronic music will make. You won't just enjoy it, you'll understand it. Like, you'll be like, I get it. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, it's creating a feeling, it's not creating a sound.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And that's what I didn't understand because it's for rave.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And so I was like, oh, okay. I mean. And I, you know.

[Pete Holmes]

Did you love it?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, yeah, I loved it. But I mean, Molly. Molly is one of those that. That scares me a little bit, you know, it's one of those after you take it, you. The next day you go, okay, so that one is a serious drug, right? That I should be very careful.

[Pete Holmes]

You're now depleted.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I'm now depleted. I feel like I did something.

[Pete Holmes]

Get that 5 HTP, baby.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Gotta get that. That shit saves you.

[Kenny DeForest]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And. But yeah, it's one of those. I don't do Molly often because of that.

[Pete Holmes]

Last time I did it, I was you on the yogurt because I took it and I was like, I'm getting nothing.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

I got nothing.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Maybe because you're so full of love. You got a kid now that might.

[Pete Holmes]

I'd like to think. I actually think it might be. I mean, we are earlier, remember I was saying a microwave is just everything that's not stopping. So, like, who cares what I think?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

As you'll recall, I once said that all a microwave is is things that aren't stopping it from being a microwave. So I just feel like I should tell you that before I say this so you know how seriously to take me. Alright, so, I mean, the world would be better if more people did that. If they were like, all right, here's my take on the environment. But you should know that one time when I was 18, hey, a hole's a hole.

[Pete Holmes]

Someone should get up and propose their solution to homelessness and then be like.

[Kenny DeForest]

I also believe that my apartment is haunted by two ghost canaries. Good night.

[Pete Holmes]

Be like, I like their plan, but ghost canaries? I think that is brilliant. There's something sort of mushroomy about that. Because it's sort of mushroomy. It's a John Wayne quote. I quote all the time. I think it was John Wayne there was like, everybody's an expert in something, and everybody's an idiot about something. Oh, yeah, that's very much for me to be like, that is Chicago is not Chicago. So he is a genius. Like, okay, nudge us into our categories is an idiot, not just out of our categories. That's fucking everybody.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, totally, man. It's like, the smartest people are sometimes the worst socially.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I heard Stephen Hawkins said, library birds do it. Please take me to the library. Even the voice box said library. So he did type L, I, B, E, R, R, Y. He was a prankster.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's what I was about to say. I was like, did he say it? He's.

[Pete Holmes]

Did he say it or did his.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

A brief history of that time. I got their ass good with that library bank.

[Pete Holmes]

And then you did the dm and.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Then I did the Deemsters.

[Pete Holmes]

You smoked it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Well, it was actually. So the third bonnaroo day, we left and we went to a waterfall that my friend knew about because he. We grew up near Nashville and we did acid. So we was at Three Mushrooms one day, Molly. The third day was acid. And at the end, I was like, I'm absent of fear. Like, I was absent. I mean, I was. I was like, I got this wrist tattoo. And then my buddy was like, you know you're still on drugs, right? I'm looking at your pupils right now. You probably should have thought about that a little longer.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you got it while you were still kind of dripping.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I got it when I got home. But he was like, after three days of what you were doing, he's like, your pupils are still very dilated. And because I got it, like, I got home on a Monday, did a show. It was the most. It was the loosest, most fun I've been on stage at that point. Like, I remember they introduced me and they played music to get me on stage. And the first probably minute of my set, I was just going around the crowd making people get up and dance with me. And I never did silly shit like that. I was always so tight approaching the stage. But after this weekend of, like, feeling open and free, I was just spinning people around and like.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Like, yes.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Having so much fun with it.

[Pete Holmes]

You were letting it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I was letting it. And I was being it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, you were.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And people were like, who's this fun new guy?

[Pete Holmes]

Because if you do that and it's forced, everyone can smell it. And they're like, don't touch me, yoker. Because I went on. I just got back from another private retreat. With Ram Dass, and I hadn't done stand up in a couple weeks, and then I did the show in dc. I was doing a full set and I was like, oh, I haven't done stand up in a very long time. And I had the best set. I didn't think about the order, I didn't think about the time. I didn't think about, like, what am I going to remember? Every part I was just doing, I was being comedy. It was the best.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, that's awesome. And that's what's cool about getting longer in the game is, you know, reps are still very important, but in a lot of ways, reps are so important when you start and then it flips and it's almost like the more you tend to your life, the better you get.

[Pete Holmes]

Completely agree. I just saw in my mind Ryu from Street Fighter 2, kicking seven boards, and they all broke.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I remember one time I went to a taekwondo class with my friend in elementary school, and we were sparring and I never had no Taekwondo. I literally just went to sit in with my buddy. So we were. I was sparring and the kid across from me, we were like shadow boxing or whatever. And then he dropped a knee and went Hadouken. And I. I didn't know what to do, so I just, like, fell over. Like, I'd been hit. And the teacher was like, what's going on here? I was like, he hadoukened me.

[Pete Holmes]

And your teacher is a Honda?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

He just slapped me really fast, multiple times in the face.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm. I can take it down a car very quickly. All right. And because we're towards the end and we talk about. God, I feel like the DMT thing might be a good way to talk about.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure, sure.

[Pete Holmes]

That's pretty serious.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So, yeah, I broke through. I smoked DMT and had had one real breakthrough where I was like, oh, this is what they talk about, you know, I'm through. I didn't, like, break through. Some people say there's, like, geometric shapes and you bust through it. I really just like, I hit it and it hit and I went limp and I just fell back on the couch and I just.

[Pete Holmes]

So wait, but you still think that there was, like, a level higher that you could have got?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Is that what. Oh, no. I'm saying a lot of people describe breaking through as, like, literally, like, you see geometric wall and then you literally break through it or whatever. And for me, it was just like, I hit it the third time, held it in, and then just went Limp on the couch. When my head hit the couch, I just ascended into blackness. It was like everything was black. And then, yeah, there was these, like, three cosmic beings, and they were just very much like, hey, dude, we've been waiting for you. Kind of like, to me, it felt.

[Pete Holmes]

Like I heard that a lot with DMT is they're always like, what took you so long?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah. It feels like they've been watching you, because I do feel like. Like, shrooms, acid. These things are, like, kind of like getting you ready. It's like, you know, it's like. It's like drinking a beer before you go straight into whiskey.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You know, it's like you get a taste for it, and then. This is the real deal. Here you come.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, this is the real deal.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because Terrence McKenna said they. They literally went.

[Kenny DeForest]

You send so many.

[Pete Holmes]

You come so infrequently.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, wow.

[Pete Holmes]

As if they were, like, talking to all the people that he sent there.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

See, I was thinking about him today because I actually. I just did my DMT story for this Comedy Central thing for the Tales from the trip there. That's what I saw. Oh, nice.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you said it was like, when you leave your car running.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You run into 7:11. That's how you felt about your body.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I was like, you stay here, I'll be back. But, you know, it was. It's interesting because a couple people responded to that story, like, now I want to try dmt. And then, like, with dmt, I'm proud. Like, I'm like, great, great. I'm glad I inspired somebody to try that. But if somebody was like, I saw your joke about cocaine. I think I'm gonna do cocaine. I would. I would. I would die.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You know, it's like. But Terence McKenna made me feel better about. Because, like, there I had a brief moment of anxiety where I was like, oh, I don't want to be the guy that just gets. But then it's like, oh, wait. I was comfortable doing it because of Terence McKenna, and it was a very positive experience for me. This is a good thing.

[Pete Holmes]

I've also heard that with dmt, I. I don't want to be held to this. I've heard numerous things. I've heard people smoke it, and then they live as a Native American for 12 years, and then they come back and they're like, what? Like, I just lived a whole life. And then I've heard people that are like, you. You don't have to worry as much about set and setting, because such a Channel flip. LSD is gonna, like, interact with your inner world, your mood.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

If we had acid in this room, it would be like, you know, we would just be looking around like, God, those boxes are crazy. But like, dmt, you're not in this room and anymore.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. I. There was a guy who took it every day for 50 days.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

DMT.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah. Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

And there was only one rule that he came back with, which was do it outside. He was like, oh, don't do it with a roof over your head.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

Because he only had, like. I think he had one bad thing and. And his revelation was like, you always want to be able to shoot up, like shoot into the sky, essentially.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

But I did, and I was inside.

[Pete Holmes]

When I only know people that.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

But I was also, like, high up in an apartment building. Building.

[Pete Holmes]

So maybe it was just balanced down.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Maybe I went through the skylight.

[Pete Holmes]

And so you saw the three beings and one of the lady was dancing.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

The dancing lady. One looked like Cartoon Quest Love.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Which was crazy. And then one was like, we were listening to this band, Rubble Bucket. I don't know if you know them, but, like, if you ever listen to Rubble Bucket, you'll be like, ah, yes. Tripping music. Like, they make very much that sort of. And it's like, very clear that their music is influenced by psychedelics.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, it's weird how some people can nail how it feels to be tripping.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Isn't that crazy? I think about that too.

[Pete Holmes]

I listened to Hendrix when I was on LST and I was like, how did he know?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

He had to have, like, written it while tripping.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

He must have. For people who haven't taken lst, it's like this. It's exactly what it is, but from the inside. And just like lsd. I'm not always in the mood for it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Totally.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't think a lot of people are throwing on Rubble Bucket while they're reading.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

No, no, no. Rubble Buckets. Not.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Not for studying. But yeah, we listen Rebel Bucket. And yeah, it was just like the music informed the. It was just with me, like, the music was still there and it looked like one of the guys was DJing, but he was playing Rubble Bucket.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wow. See, that's what I didn't understand. At one point you said your teeth were chattering because the faceless orb guy, which you haven't mentioned yet, but there was a faceless orb guy and he shot you with a. Like a healing vibration beam.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you said your teeth were chattering and I Was like, what's interesting. I'm not calling bullshit at all. I'm wondering about the relationship between your. Your host body and whatever part of you was having this experience.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, well, that was the part that I thought was so insane is so this beam of light shot out from the being, and it was like every color at once. It was like every color of the rainbow all at once. Like, the beam would be like a red light would hit me, then yellow, then orange and blue, green, violet, just in a row. Like, every color of the rainbow. Like, as if it was in traffic coming into my body. Right. And. But right before I could hear buzzing first. And it. I always describe it as like, if you took like an industrial, like barbers, like, trimmers, like, you know, the big ones that barbers use, where it's like, if you took like a hundred of those and duct taped them together and turned them all on at once.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right out of Carlos Castanea, where he takes a very serious hallucinogen in the. In the jungle.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

He said the Don Juan books, and he said he heard what sounded like a million bumblebees.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's it.

[Pete Holmes]

That's. And that's what you were saying earlier, which is like, why are we all having these similar experiences?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's where it gets so weird.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. Although I wonder if I'm kind of hearing somebody being like. Because you're stimulating the same parts of the brain.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, that also. That is important to.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry. You're getting blasted by the light.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

My little sunlight. But that's okay. Get a little vitamin D. So.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And then you just hear it. And then I can, like, feel it in my head. And then as soon as the beam of light hit my body, the buzzing, I could just feel it through my whole body. It was like inside my body.

[Pete Holmes]

See, when you said that chest was rattling, Kundalini thing, because. Did it go from your. The base of your spine up?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I feel like you told it in.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That regard that I couldn't. I couldn't.

[Pete Holmes]

That's very Kundalin. When I was sitting with Ramdas, I felt my kundalini rising. It's a very. That's not like super special. That's like a normal. When you're meditating, you might feel something like a snake uncoiling, as if it was sitting at your butthole, basically. I'm not trying to be funny. It's sitting at your butthole and it starts going counterclockwise up your spine up until your crown chakra. That's like the way these energies tend to move in our body. So when you were telling that story, I was like, he was getting, like, a Kundalini.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Somebody responded to the Twitter thing with that, too.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I was like, oh, that's interesting. They were like, yeah, that was your Kundalini light. Do you have a burner account like Mitt Romney?

[Pete Holmes]

Does Mitt Romney have sheet blooms?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

He. Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

He admitted that he has, like, an account that he uses to monitor what people are saying about him. Oh, that's pretty normal, which I don't know why he admitted that.

[Pete Holmes]

Somebody was like, polling shows that you need to.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's like Wayne lapierre or something. Hilarious, too.

[Pete Holmes]

He looks like he has a lot of high testosterone.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

He has too many sons.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I'm saying.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's like six sons.

[Pete Holmes]

What is that? Six sons.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's a lot of sons.

[Pete Holmes]

Abraham.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

What happened to the daughter's name, Mitt? No one has six sons in a row, Mitt, where are the daughters? Where are they?

[Kenny DeForest]

Mitt, where are the daughters?

[Pete Holmes]

That is such a funny thing to say.

[Kenny DeForest]

No one has six in a row, Mitt.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

This is a 50. 50 shot. You're telling me you got six sons in a row.

[Kenny DeForest]

Where are the bodies?

[Pete Holmes]

And yet your kitchen is staffed with.

[Kenny DeForest]

Children that look a lot like.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You couldn't help but notice. Mitt.

[Pete Holmes]

Could not but know.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And so. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it was, like, healing you.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It felt like. It felt like I was getting a surgery that was very benevolent and good, and I was with it, and it was going all up and down, and then.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Pause on the liver. And I was like. I. I was very consciously in that moment, like, yeah, I do drink too much. This is the Chicago days, too. You know how it is there. So I was already. I'm already wired to booze too much.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And then on you add to that. Had being in Chicago in your 20s.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yep.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You know?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yep.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It was. It was madness. And then.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So that didn't feel okay. It wasn't judging you, though. It was like, let me love your liver.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It was just, you know, almost like, hey, you're good enough without it. That type of like, maybe. What if you learn to be confident without drowning yourself in whiskey?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Beautiful.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And then we went for a fly that was wild. Grab my hand.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

The benevolent orb head guy grabbed my hand, and we started flying. Questlove and the lady stayed back. They were like, y' all go have a good time. We're gonna give you two little alone time.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And we flew, and it was, like, jet black everywhere. And so it felt like we were in outer space. But then. And actually, it's really funny. Again, the same, right? So Shane Moss and his tales from the trip. And one of them, he goes, you know how at the end of Looney Tunes, it goes, that's all, folks? He actually references that. One of his stories. Yeah, same thing. But imagine if right before it got completely black, it stopped. And so there was, like, just a circle I could see through. It almost looked like I was looking through, like, a pirate telescope thing, you know, like whatever those things are called. So I could only see through a circle, but it was Earth, and it was Earth at peace. And we're just flying. I remember specifically flying across the Golden Gate Bridge. And then we were flying through, like, parts of different parts of the world, and everyone was dancing, and there was, like, parts that looked really impoverished, like ghettos, but the people were dancing and happy. And it was almost like we were touring the Earth at peace. And it was very much like, holy shit. And then after we had seen that, the orb through which I had seen everything, this is where the Comedy Central story got edited in a way where it wasn't super clear. But, like, so again, I saw this through an orb. It was not the. The head. I wasn't looking through the being's head because it said, you know, he had an orb, like, head. This was its own thing. And it was. So imagine like a crystal ball. I'm seeing everything through a crystal ball, right? So then that crystal ball got. Rose up above me, which is strange because I must have actually started looking up with my physical body when that happened, because all my other friends had come out of their trip at this time. So I was the last one still going because I had broken through. And so. And then from the crystal ball, a tube extended into my mouth, and my mouth got forced open. It literally felt like someone grabbed my teeth with their hands and pulled them apart. Like, it didn't feel like I opened my mouth. It felt like someone was like, let me in there.

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And the tube extended, and then everything from the crystal ball orb came down through the tube into my mouth.

[Pete Holmes]

All the piece.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

All the piece. And then my mouth was closed. And then the beam of light came back, but this time it was on my brain. And then. And it went all over my brain, and all three beings were back. So actually, before the tube distended, they were all around the crystal ball. So all three were around it. Then it distended.

[Pete Holmes]

They were like, I gotta see this.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, let's see how he reacts to this shit. And then it went in my mouth. My mouth closed. The beam of light is now in my brain all over. And then as soon as it stopped, the whole thing kind of broke. And then there's a moment where you're, like, still wavy, but now I was very much back in the room. So now I'm, like, looking around at my friend's apartment. It's all wavy and weird, and it slowly just. Just dissipated. And then I was just sitting there like, hey, guys.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

What did you guys see? And my friend Dave, David Drake, really funny comic, he got. He's like, oh, it's fun that you saw world peace. I got dragged to hell by a demon. It was like, he had, like, the worst time of his life. He was terrified. Like, when I left, he was sitting on his toilet, staring at the ground like, oh. I was like, thanks for the great time, Dave. I saw world peace. I'm gonna go skip home.

[Kenny DeForest]

Oh, my God.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

But he said he did it again later and had a good time.

[Kenny DeForest]

So he went back.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

He went back. That's it. You know? How about that?

[Pete Holmes]

I know some people that trip that are like, I went to hell. And it was incredible. Like, oh, it was awful. But, like, I. I learned a lot. Like, just, like, real masters.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm like, give me the ambrosia, bj. And they're like, I saw Lucifer himself.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And it was better than a blowjob.

[Kenny DeForest]

It was better because I learned about the darkness within.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, my God. Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That was a real moment, man. But I. I loved it. And it. It restored my faith in, like, something greater than us, you know? And that's the thing is. It's like. It's so weird that religious people are often the ones that are so weird about drugs like that, where I'm like, honestly, I feel like if a super Christian person tripped, they would only reaffirm some of their. I don't think it would, like, undo everything. I think it would be more like, oh, wow.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it would take something that you were taking on faith, which is an unseen reality within, throughout and behind this one.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And make you go. That's not just wishful thinking. It's. It's. It's as close as this reality.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not even overlain. It just is this reality. It's happening concurrently.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's the stimulus that removes the veil.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I had a friend that did ayahuasca, that he had a brother that passed away when we were in middle school and he said his brother was the one that took him through his ayahuasca trip.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

He hadn't seen, obviously seen his brother since he passed away. And I go, is like, physically him? He goes, no. You know, it was like a orb of bright light, but I knew it was him. And he spoke to me without words, of course. How those things all go.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

But he's like, yeah, he just held me from behind and kept me warm and took me through to meet the mother and. But he. And I go, what? I asked him, what did he say to you? And he said. And he said, nothing matters except for family, friends and love. I mean, he's like, you do everything else, but it doesn't matter. None of it matters. Like your achievements, all that family, friends and love. And he said, the last thing he said was, and remember, the veil is very thin and I'm always with you. So basically, like, I'm right there, buddy.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I think all the time.

[Pete Holmes]

If we are sharing one consciousness. When you say, if I was dying and I said, don't worry, Kenny, I'm always with you, that's literally true. You know what I mean? Meaning my consciousness is your consciousness. And even though Pete is gone, being can't go anywhere.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And I think about this too weird. Like, this is the thing that trips me out. But, like, you know, we travel a lot, doing comedy and, you know, you go to these different places and you're like, oh, you're the this guy in this town, and you're just like the this guy in that town. You kind of look alike and you talk alike and you make similar jokes. Wow, what the fuck is going on here, man? This is a simulation.

[Pete Holmes]

I feel like. I felt like I've been on drugs this whole conversation and, like, different drugs. I was on cocaine in the beginning. I was stoned in the middle, and now I'm on mushrooms because that is like, so right on. I did a casino gig outside of Seattle and the casino manager came back and I was like, you are casino manager.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's the man. I used to deliver food in Chicago. That was my day job.

[Pete Holmes]

What if you met the other ones?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, my God.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Do you guys have conventions and go agree, hey, this is the joke we make.

[Pete Holmes]

You should definitely have a spray tan. That's all I'm gonna say.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Dude, it's so weird. Like, I used to deliver food in Chicago and it was like, for a high end deli, so it was a lot of, like, the ad agencies there would order giant trays of sandwiches for their clients, and I'd come deliver. And so to do that, you would enter through the service entrance, and there would always be a elevator guy. And I'm telling you, dude, the same jokes, all of them. And I.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like it has its ups and downs.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Text each other.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You know, every time I walk in, go, oh, that delivery is actually for me. You can just go and leave that here, buddy.

[Pete Holmes]

I had that watch. Don't. Don't really. But in my Comedy Central presents, I had a bit called Jokes Everyone Makes, which is if you walk around with flowers, people goes out for me.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And cashiers. If it doesn't ring up, everyone goes, it must be free. And if you see a limo, you go, my rides here. And you know, there's too many of them now. There's Reddit's for all of them.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yes, but it's so true.

[Pete Holmes]

It is so true. We're. That's what I mean when I'm saying if I was in rural Tennessee, I would be the Pete there. And his politics might change, his personality might change, his jokes might change. And all that is is a reminder that what it is that I think is Pete is sand passing through my fingers, and that is the ayahuasca. Nothing matters except friends, family, and love is. Because everything else is a guy that can be profound at some times and at other times says, am I quit?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's just the parts that I imagining. I'm imagining you saying this at, like a. At like a Sears, you know, to, like, the salesman. And you're like, I need a microwave. And he's like, okay, we've got different models. Like, you know, all the microwave is.

[Pete Holmes]

He's the things that stop something from being a microwave removed. You think of it from building it from zero up. I think of it from being too much microwave down.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Like, sir, this isn't a public restroom. You have to leave. You gotta go outside.

[Pete Holmes]

All that's happening. It's all one baby. And here's my number one on your floor. Because I'm peeing on the floor.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Because you're peeing on the floor.

[Pete Holmes]

Kenny Circle. I've enjoyed this podcast.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Me too, man. This is so fun. I've been looking forward to this.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm so happy we finally made it happen. We had to schedule it, then we had to move. Happens.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, it does.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Life, man, life. But luckily, nothing matters but friends, family, and love. Rescheduling included.

[Pete Holmes]

And then we meet the mother.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And then we meet the mother.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, good, good. I feel Like, I'm on the DM thing. I've been having that more and more lately. That feeling that I'm flying through the sky, which I am. There's that line in Doctor who. I never got into Doctor who, but I watched the pilot of one of them. It was like, we all know that the world is spinning at like 50,000 miles an hour towards the middle. And he goes, the difference is I feel it.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, wow.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was like, that's how I'm getting the. The deeper and weirder I get. I'm sitting here with you and I'm like. Like, it's just minuscule.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's what can get scary about it. Like, when you go deep into it, it is scary because that's why we're.

[Pete Holmes]

At KFC all the time and jerking off to Internet porn. Because the alternative is sitting around and going, it's just dots.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And inside the dots are empty space and other smaller dots. And we only know 11 of those smaller dots. There could be even smaller dots. When does it stop? Fractals.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I know I did mushrooms fairly recently. And I. And I know this for Men in Black. But I guess it didn't click as weird when I saw that movie. But I was like, oh, yeah, our solar system literally just looks like an atom with electrons spinning around it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So we might just be living on an electron.

[Pete Holmes]

And why wouldn't we be? If the indication is that as far deep in we go, there's always more. And then the indication is that as far out we go is there's always more, then it might be Men in Black, and we're in a marble, and we're in a game of marbles. But it doesn't matter. Wherever you are, being is. That's why my definition of God being being works. Because even if you go to another. Another planet that has another mythology and another savior and another tradition, doesn't matter. It's still being perceived and written down and understood with being, which is the constant everywhere.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because if you're there, then being is.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I know we were wrapping up, so sorry to make a weird pivot, but there's nothing I've been thinking about and would be weird, but, like, all the religions are so similar and it's almost like, well, okay, in a pre Internet age, if there is a benevolent consciousness that wants to teach us things, wouldn't it send multiple prophets to hit every.

[Pete Holmes]

Corner of the world?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You're not just gonna tell one and be like, hey, Jesus, you gotta start in the middle East. And I want you to get it to Asia.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, but I'll. I'll do even better. I've been saying this a lot lately. On the podcast, Richard Roy says God or ultimate reality, which is a safer term than God, we say ultimate reality or ultimate truth comes to everybody equally through great love and great suffering. And. And he's like, doesn't that sound exactly like a benevolent being or a God or an all knowing thing? Because great love and great suffering are available to everybody. I don't mean in copious doses. Not everybody has a lot of suffering. Not everybody has a lot of love. But you're gonna get some at some point. And in those moments, you're gonna learn something that's gonna break you through.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Whether or not you stay through that sort of relies on other factors. But it can't be. It can't just be. He was like, if you're being saved, relies on you belonging to a specific church and believing a certain doctrine. He's like,.0000,0001% of all humanity ever has been saved. Or something like even more zero.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He's like, it's nobody. He's like, zoom out. So it's got to be something more democratic and something more available.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

And the idea that it was one guy that got it is preposterous. And if you go to India, they can show you 15 on one block. Like, there's Jimmy, the guy that's enlightened, Ms. Tony. This guy starts fires. He still has some work to do. You know what I'm saying?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But our Western notion that there can only be one Captain America. Like, we don't want stories where it's Captain America and there's another guy called Captain Tennessee that's like, I also have a shield. We just want it to be one guy. One guy, one brand. Coca Cola. Get that Pepsi out of here.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And be a winner, damn it.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It talks through all of us, man. Kumare is another great thing to watch that block. My mind. That blew my mind.

[Pete Holmes]

Vikram did the podcast.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, did he? I'll go back and listen to that one.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a good one because I. I interviewed him days after I watched it. So it's like I'm hot off of it. Kumari is a great one because talk about roles and talk about identities and playing those games. Wonderful documentary.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's in us, man.

[Pete Holmes]

It's in us. It is us.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It is us. We are it.

[Pete Holmes]

What else?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

As long as you just be it.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you want to know One sweet nug. Now that we're here, we're in the. These are the DVD features. This is the anal sex of the podcast. These are the DVD features. Mooji. This. This great. He's actually Jamaican. I was gonna say Indian saint, but he's. I think he's Jamaican. He does his meditation. It's called. I always forget what it's called. It's on itunes. Invitation to Freedom. And the punchline of it is he helps you identify as your awareness, and then he basically twists it on you. And he's like, awareness can only be recognized by awareness. So God is awareness. And the piece of awareness that you're recognizing your own awareness is God. So it sort of wakes you up to your own identity.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Whoa.

[Pete Holmes]

I say that to Val all the time. I said it to her last night before we went to bed. I was like, don't forget, being can only be recognized by being. And that is the epiphany of all the great mystics, is that God isn't a being. God is being.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

God is being. Being.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't have to defend or debate the existence of God because God is being. And here we are. This is being. So God is a metaphor for the essence that is being. Right. It's the immortal diamond that shines with the unseen light of heaven, as Thomas Merton would say in everything. And we call that God because it's too long to say the. I just said totally.

[Kenny DeForest]

I'm on cocaine again.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And also the light. And also, so much of being a human is learning to just let, let. So let. Letting go is letting the light shine.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Ego is what is there to cover it because it's scary to shine. But we don't let it shine.

[Pete Holmes]

This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine meant I'm going to go and proselytize and sell my story to people and impose it on others instead of letting your light shine.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Mother Teresa didn't try to convert people into followers of Jesus. She tried to make herself Jesus.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, look.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Look at somebody like Prince, for instance. Rest in peace.

[Pete Holmes]

Peace. Rest in.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Prince had it. Prince had it. Rest in power. Absolutely. Trying to do a callback for sure. And he. If anyone deserves it, it's him. And, you know, everyone that came across Prince seems to have been touched by the experience.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Because he was just let. He was pure being Prince. He was pure being. He was. No one was being more themselves than Prince. Prince was Prince.

[Pete Holmes]

Seven times filtered, please. Prince comes out of the spring, ready to drink.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's right. That's right.

[Pete Holmes]

That's why we're drawn to cool people are authentic people. They're effortless people.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like Pacino isn't trying to be cool. He just kind of is like a cool cat.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

And then when I go like, hello, ladies. I like Lizzo, and everyone can smell me a mile away. That's not cool. But what is cool is when I am my big mouth, dislocated jaw going. Everybody goes, oh, Pete. Found Pete.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

There's Petey.

[Pete Holmes]

And Pete's riding his Pete wave.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And that'll always be appealing.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, for sure. This is great.

[Pete Holmes]

And we figured it out.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

We did figure it out.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's smoke some.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Everyone be Pete.

[Pete Holmes]

Methyl. No. That's what we just said, damn it. Be Kenny.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Defy.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, Just beat me.

[Pete Holmes]

Can eat A for us with 1F.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

1F.

[Pete Holmes]

Because that's how much I give. Oh, 1F.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I get 1F. And it's. But it's capitalized.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Hell, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Kuwait it is. I don't like that.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You want to take it away?

[Pete Holmes]

Capitals are for the beginning of words. Get out of here. Des Moines. What do you think that M is, starting the word over in the middle?

[Kenny DeForest]

No, I'm the beginning.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Here he comes.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

B.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

A little. Here comes the yoker.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Would you bring me on? Yoker?

[Kenny DeForest]

Are you crazy yet? Hey, dipshit.

[Pete Holmes]

Who are you?

[Kenny DeForest]

I'm just a guy on the street making sure you go crazy.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, Kenny, what's the hardest time you've laughed in your life? 3, 2, 1.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So my. My best friend Elliot and I were playing street hockey, one on one. Obviously, I've had time to think about this. I have two. I have two that I can't differentiate. So I'll give you both, and I'll be fine about it. So it's all good. I was playing goalie and I had, you know, like, Missouri. It's not a hockey culture. So I'm wearing, actually, catcher's gear. But I have a, you know, a glove. And I'm standing in the go.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not wearing hockey pants. I'm not wearing hockey pants. I'm wearing catcher's pants because it's Missouri.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You understand, don't you?

[Pete Holmes]

For some of that big yolk.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

For some reason, I'm one of the hormone monsters from Big Mouth. I'm in the goal. I'm rocked up. I see her walk by.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm playing Crowley, not goalie.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Okay, Simon, goal. Elliot shoots a slap shot. I make the save. But The. The, you know, use like a street hockey ball. The ball bounces off my glove, it hits the ground, and it's rolling into the goal. And as it gets to the line, I fart so hard and loud that the vibration causes the ball to reverse course and it rolls out. I made a save with a fart. I farted so hard. The ball did not cross the line.

[Pete Holmes]

Down at it, like it was rolling through your legs.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So I hit it down. It was like rolling. It was like, towards my butt. And as it got close, I just go. And the ball was rolling towards the lion. And then it just. And the. The. It just. It was just enough that it went boop. And it rolled back like an inch that way. And Elliot and I both fell fully to the ground and were unconsole. I mean, like convulsive. Convulsive laughter.

[Pete Holmes]

One of the best answers of all time. The fart block.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

The fart block.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow. You know, Jordan used to do that. He'd do a flip and fart a three on off at score.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I mean, it probably. Probably.

[Pete Holmes]

So he was in the deleted scene in space.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

He's so competitive. He probably will hear this podcast and then go do it just to prove.

[Pete Holmes]

He can take the zoot suit off. Go on Pete Ohms his podcast.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I don't know if that's. I would love to see Michael Jordan on this podcast. Do you think he'd be vulnerable?

[Pete Holmes]

We're the same height. I'd love to wear one of his starburst colored zoot suits. Mike, that's the right question. Because as I get deeper into showbiz, sometimes I feel like I might have access. Like I might be an ask or two away from Big star. Right?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then you're like, I don't want to sit across from Big Star, someone who I love and have them just be like, totally publicist trained and just like, well, that's one of the things I like about the craft. And you're like, come on, Come on, dude. Because they can't tell the fart ball story. It becomes a. It goes viral. Like, Keanu Reeves dates an older woman. It's like a huge story. Like, here we are, we're talking about DMT.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

In a consequence free environment. What is it? 1962 in London. It's like an Austin Powers joke.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's a good thing. I don't value my career. I'm happy to talk about it.

[Pete Holmes]

You're doing just fine.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

We'll be good. Okay, number two, this is just a one of the most perfectly timed things ever, like, if comedy is timing, it was the best. So the two guys I ran the show at Knitting Factory with, to my best friends, Will Miles, Clark Jones, both very funny comedians. This is early in our Chicago days. We're becoming good friends. Okay? So at this point, we're buddies, but we're not best friends like we are now. But we were very. We're close. So I'm sitting there talking to Clark. Will is at the same place, but he's not near us. He's off just doing Will at this point. Clark had just got passed to feature at Zany's and Jokes and Notes in the same year, which, if you don't know Chicago comedy history. Jokes and Notes, historically black club on the south side of Chicago. Zany's is. I don't know. I mean, we use such shitty coded language in comedy. One was the urban room. One was the mainstream room. Yeah, but whatever. You know what I'm saying. And Chicago's very segregated. Zany's is the north side Club, and Jokes and Notes is the south side club.

[Pete Holmes]

And then Barrel of Laughs is the white south side club.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Barrel of Laughs is the white south side club.

[Pete Holmes]

So weird. It was, like, the whitest club in the world, but. But it was, like, in the heart of Southside.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

If I'm remembering correctly.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

No. Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And I think that was.

[Pete Holmes]

And there was Riddles, which was the black Southside Club, but different races would play there. I know. It's so weird that we're talking this way. People listening need to know that, like, for some reason, we learned it from the bookers. The bookers would just so flatly be like, well, that's a black room, so we'll move you over here to the white room. And Opiate. And there's just such frankness with race. It can be awful.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And it's also stylistic. Jokes and Notes was an urban style club.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

They did. You know that it was urban style comedy. Like, different style.

[Pete Holmes]

That's like.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It'd be like. It'd be like. You wouldn't book Oasis at a rap venue.

[Pete Holmes]

Right? Like, Crystal Leo, white male, black comic. You know what I mean? He sort of doing like a Def Jammy sort of thing. Although it's not quite right, but you know what I mean?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, for sure. Absolutely. And so anyway, I was telling Clark, I said, hey, man, I'm really proud of you. That's dope. You got past it. Zanies and Jokes in the same year. I was like, that's amazing. It's like, really shows your. Your versatility, man. That's really cool. And then he said, thanks, man. I'm really. It feels good to hear you say that. I always wonder what people think about me. And as soon as he said, I always wonder what people think about me, Will not having heard anything that was just said, pops in and goes, why are you dressed like this? Just talking about Clark.

[Pete Holmes]

And it was like sitcom level timing.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It was like sitcom level timing from this very serious moment we're sharing of like, I'm proud of you, man. That's awesome. And then just a roast. And I always wonder what people think about me. Why are you dressed like this?

[Pete Holmes]

So funny. It was like poochie on the Simpsons comes in and goes, like, people think.

[Kenny DeForest]

That hat's a bit much.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean? And like the window closes.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

I love it. Every once in a while, life is 30.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Ruck it fully.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah, fully.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's like, am I writing this right now?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

What is this?

[Pete Holmes]

I love both of those. Can I ask you one? Before I like, I've been meaning ever since Lewis Black did it. And I asked him, we were having a very normal meaning of life conversation. And then for some reason I was like, have you ever had something happen that you can't explain? And he gave me like nine. I can't remember. He gave three. Three, like incredible ghost stories, psychic stories, leaving my body stories. So now, whether or not you have one, no press. But if you've seen a ghost and you're holding out on me, motherfucker.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I have one. Yeah, I have one. And I actually just told this to Caleb Simon. Do you know him? Really funny comic. We just shared a ride together from. I'm just name dropping. All my friends.

[Pete Holmes]

We're gonna edit.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Oh, good.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, get them out of here.

[Pete Holmes]

In audio of me saying Abraham Lincoln.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I was talking to my friend and then it's your voice. Abraham Lincoln.

[Pete Holmes]

Known Democrat Abraham Lincoln.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So this was in college and my parents had gone out of town. I went to college in my hometown. And so my parents went out of town and they were like, hey, can you feed the cats and all that stuff? I said, of course. And so one of the nights, me, two of my roommates and one of my roommates girlfriend, we were sitting there, I was like, you know, why don't we just go to my folks house? Just get off campus in the shitty apartment I described earlier. Yeah, let's take a break from this horrific environment.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, let's take a left at the pile of hair.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, let's go down to their house, feed the cats, hang out, just enjoy a night down there. Brought the Xbox, playing video games, whatever. And then so at one point, at the end of the night, we decided to watch Blazing Saddles. We are. I had pulled out a couch. Pull out couch. My buddy Steven was asleep. Was laying on the couch watching Blazing Saddles. I was next to him watching. And then Joe and his girlfriend were over here. Joe and his girlfriend are like, hey, you know what? We're gonna go sleep at her house. Because her apartment was like, two minutes from where my parents lived at the time. And they were like, so, yeah, we'll go home and sleep. We'll come back in the morning, pick you up, and we'll all go back to campus for class. Like, awesome. So at least me and Steven. Stephen passes out during Blazing Saddles. I get up, go upstairs, go to.

[Pete Holmes]

Mel Brooks, listening to this podcast. Yeah, I never. And turns it off.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's because the PC culture, they just, you know, everybody's too. A little playful. Racism just puts them to sleep these days.

[Kenny DeForest]

It was a different time.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So, yeah. So I go to sleep, and I wake up the next morning, and I just have this very distinct smell of blueberry muffins. Like, that is what it is, you know?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

You know.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

You know the smell.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So I wake up, and my friend's girlfriend that we'd with the night before, she's like a very homemaker type. Like, she really loves to. She's the one that, like, if you have a party, she'll bring a tray of cookies. She loves that stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

Or ghost muffins.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Or ghost muffins. So I smell blueberry muffins. And my thought is, well, they came over early, let themselves in, and she made his blueberry muffins. What a sweet woman.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And so I walk out in the kitchen, ready to just be like, hey, guys, thank you. And I walk in the kitchen. No, no muffins.

[Pete Holmes]

This is a house, not an apartment.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

This is a house.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not like the people below. You were making blueberry muffins, Which I.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Really wish I could say was the case, because it is. It was very scary. And I walk in the kitchen, There is a glass beer bottle. So we didn't even get drunk tonight before. I think we had one beer each. There is a glass beer bottle on the floor of the kitchen, and it's spinning slowly.

[Pete Holmes]

Everybody put your dicks back in your body. Tuck them in. You know how to do from.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Now.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Take that bottle, put it up in your butthole or the demon that lives in this house will.

[Kenny DeForest]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

So the bottle's spinning.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

The bottle's spinning. And on the oven, one of the ranges. Oven ranges is turned to high. And a corner of a frozen pizza box. We'd had a frozen pizza the night before. The corner of the frozen pizza box is hanging over the range and it's catching on fire. But what's crazy is me and one other person, only people in the house. We have cats. So the cats could have maybe knocked the beer bottle over. But a cat can't turn an oven range on.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. To push in, then a turn.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Also, if we had left the oven range on, everything would have burned already.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, it was new.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It had to have been new.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

The only thing I can think of is maybe if I left the range on and then the cat bumped the.

[Pete Holmes]

Pizza box over the edge and then perfectly stepped on the thing, turning it to high.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I think a cat could get you to three.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But it get me to high.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

I don't think so.

[Pete Holmes]

Not unless it's doing like a Looney Tunes. Giving it a good four, two or three rotations.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Hanging on to it like one of those hang in there posters.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So.

[Pete Holmes]

So then why the smell of the muffins?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Why the smell of the muffins? It's definitely not burning card.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So I'm freaked out. I go downstairs. Steven is still exactly how I left him. He's asleep in the exact same position now. The fireplace is on. So I'm like. And you know, famously, ghosts get cold. So I'm like, God, what is happening? And now it was one of those gas powered fireplaces where like there's like a remote. So I'm wondering one way to explain that is Stephen woke up, thought he was turning off the tv, turned on the fire. I don't know. So anyway, at this point, I'm sufficiently freaked out. And then the doorbell rings. It's Joe and Angela from Night Before. I open the door and the first thing Angela says to me, she goes, oh, who made blueberry muffins? And I was like, oh, good.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So she smells them too.

[Pete Holmes]

One of the first things she said was like, let's have a fire.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It's not delivery it to demons.

[Kenny DeForest]

Oh, no.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Burn out your sins.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

So then I had to go back and feed the cats the next day. And it was a scary. I was in that house and it was a house I grew up in, you know, like, I always loved that house. But Now I'm in there, and I'm.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, yeah, I feel the same way, but it's not haunted. It's a joke against my parents.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Got him.

[Pete Holmes]

Family, friends in love.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Gotta love it. Family, friends, and love.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. That's a terrifying tale, and I'm glad he told it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And then I saw a light in Joshua Tree on mushrooms.

[Pete Holmes]

A light?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Yeah, and it looked like a. I thought it was a shooting star at first, and then it started, like, moving back and forth like a lantern. I was like, that's odd. And then it dipped below the horizon line. So now behind it is mountain rather than black sky. So I'm like, okay, so now it's in our plane. And as I'm looking at it, my two friends that were behind me, they had been looking at some. Some, like, rock they saw that was real. You know, Joshua Tree's insane. So, yeah, I got there. They're like, oh, my God. And then my buddy looked up and goes, oh, my God. What's that light? And I was like, oh, no. You see it too? I was kind of hoping it was just me.

[Pete Holmes]

And then he went, and. Who's making blueberry muffins?

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Who's making blue sugar water? Who's making fleabag muffins?

[Pete Holmes]

Are you referencing fleabag?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Jk.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Jk. Jk. Men.

[Pete Holmes]

Had a lot of men in black.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

We have Have a lot of fleabag. So, yeah. And then the light started to spin. There was, like, little tendrils coming out. And as the tendrils came out, my buddy goes, hey, what's that? Webbing? I was like, yeah, webbing. I'd call it webbing. And then it, like, spun for a minute, and then the tendrils came back in, and then it went up to the night sky and seemed to pin itself back to the sky and just looked like a star. And I was like, okay, these mushrooms are strong, but we all saw it. That's the creepy part.

[Pete Holmes]

Part.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And I'll leave their names out of this one be in case they didn't want to be called insane.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, Shane Torres appreciates it.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Does he? Just keep guessing.

[Pete Holmes]

A silent man is. Understand the consent. Kenny to 4. Thanks for being interviewed by all five of my personalities.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

It was a. Hey, listen. Yogurt it.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God. Yogurt it crispy. This was awesome for me. I really needed these.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Laughs. Yeah, thanks, buddy. This was really, really fun. Keep it crispy.

[Pete Holmes]

As always, without the ask.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

And. Oh, well, I thought I felt prompted.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you want to say it as the joker's agent?

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

If you ever want to work in this town, I suggest you go crazy.

[Kenny DeForest]

And keep it crispy.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Don't worry, Pete.

[Katie (assistant or producer)]

That's a.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

That's a condition. He's not really laughing. It's just a condition.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God. And I have a card to explain.

[Kenny DeForest]

It because I'm going nuts.

[Guest Comedian (possibly Vikram or similar)]

Oh, God.