Rick Glassman Returns

Summary

Podcast Summary: "You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes"

Episode: Rick Glassman Returns
Release Date: April 15, 2026
Guest: Rick Glassman
Host: Pete Holmes

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Episode Overview

In this lively and rapid-fire reunion episode, comedian and podcaster Rick Glassman (host of "Take Your Shoes Off") joins Pete Holmes for another deeply weird, hilarious, and sometimes unexpectedly sincere conversation. The duo riffs on comedy, audience dynamics, relationships, the art of stand-up, childhood weirdness, and the glorious specificity of being themselves—and loving others for their authentic weirdness.

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Key Discussions & Insights

1. Opening Riffs: Comedy Chemistry and Inside Jokes

• The episode kicks off with Pete and Rick quickly dropping into their signature banter, including riffs on Magic Mind (the podcast sponsor), mock-Spanish, and joking about their "rapport" being fueled by cocaine—though both immediately clarify neither have ever tried it.
• Notable Quote:
  "People wonder how we have our rapport and they don't even know that it's co– Are we recording? Yeah. Forget It." — Pete (02:30)

2. Comedy Clubs & Audience Honesty

• A big portion early on is devoted to how certain clubs (the Apollo, the Ice House—aka "the Nice House") deliver honest, sometimes brutal feedback, while others are overly friendly.
• Notable Quote:
  "I have to do one for the Apollo, actually... It's not just for rubbing wood, where good luck is made from rubbing hard wood. It's for audiences that tell it like it is." — Pete (05:57)
• Rick and Pete riff on comedy’s "toughest rooms" and how that influences their development as comics. They enjoy turning club names into bits, e.g., "Nice House" instead of “Ice House” (06:15).

3. Mutual Respect & Artistic Vulnerability

• The duo shows genuine vulnerability about creative risk, encouragement, and what it feels like to lift each other up.
• "Sometimes you receive me the way that only I receive you." — Rick (09:12)
• They discuss how friendship and creative partnership help them feel "seen" and validated (09:41).

4. Improv Fails and The Math of Comedy

• Pete reminisces about his improv days and the pitfalls of using real props, a "rookie mistake." Rick agrees, noting the importance of letting things go for the bit.
• Notable Quote:
  "The world's the Apollo, and everyone's a piece of wood." — Rick (10:13)
• Comedy is a combination of “math” (structure, callbacks, formulas) and the ineffable “X factor” of aliveness/presence (34:39).

5. Building a Comedy Special: Process Over Perfection

• Rick reveals why he hasn't released a stand-up special yet, explaining his preference for spontaneity and living in the moment over honed material, but now feels ready.
• "I think of, like, I've been like, bulking... How do I get it tighter and better and get rid of stuff I don't need?" — Rick (31:03)
• Pete encourages Rick to "keep the X factor" and not get too bogged down in structure (34:21).
• They analyze how repetition can deaden material, how perfectionism can be a trap, and the need to balance polish with presence (32:29–36:40).

6. Relationships: Being Loved for Your Weirdness

• A warm and insightful discussion about how the best relationships are those where partners find each other's quirks and “annoying” habits funny, rather than irritating.
• Key Quote:
  "Find someone who thinks what is annoying about you is funny." — Pete (54:07)
• Rick recounts how past girlfriends have helped him see himself and his traits with more compassion and humor (52:51–54:03).
• Pete details how his wife, Val, sees his oddities as delightful rather than flaws (56:27).

7. Sense of Humor as Shared Wounding and Hypervigilance

• Pete suggests that a shared sense of humor often means shared life wounds or upbringings:
  "I think…that you and that person have been wounded. We've all been wounded in similar ways." — Pete (59:23)
• They discuss being drawn to "The Simpsons" because of a need for hypervigilance as kids (59:43), and Pete describes his childhood as "managing the emotional realities of three very different people" (60:00).

8. Showbiz Experiences & Industry Realities

• The two discuss experiences on network sitcoms, being left off posters ("Not Dead Yet" for Rick), and how mainstream work doesn't always translate to audience recognition at live shows (79:01).
• They commiserate about auditioning for Judd Apatow (Trainwreck), not landing the part that went to John Cena, and the perspective that sometimes casting is out of your control:
  "It was always Cena. They just had to… Due diligence." — Pete (76:02)

9. Rapid-fire Silly Philosophies and Hypotheticals

• Pete and Rick volley favorite “would you rather” questions—pooping vs. never sleeping, flight vs. invisibility, etc. (84:01–85:45).
• Rick’s trademark literalism is on display as he tries to clarify and overthink even zany questions, to Pete’s delight.

10. Legacy, Family, and Humility

• Rick reveals his grandfather, Sid Feller, worked with Ray Charles and is featured on historical recordings (96:45).
• Pete playfully compares this creative legacy to his and Rick’s own output—mostly “playing grab ass on YouTube”—eliciting laughs but with an undercurrent of humility and self-deprecation (97:48).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On mutual weirdness:
  "We're in a moment. Betty Roosevelt...There's already been an arc." — Pete & Rick, (09:29–09:41)

• Relationship wisdom:
  "Find someone who thinks what is annoying about you is funny." — Pete (54:07)

• Comedy math vs. magic:
  "There's math to having sex as well. And that's all there is. Two nuts, one shaft. Am I right?" — Pete (35:19)
  ("I do like the sex." – Rick, deadpan, right after)

• On being unpredictable:
  "She never knows what I or Harlan Williams punchline is going to be." — Rick (49:11)

• On the difference between strong and flaccid dildos:
  "There's some flaccid dildos that you wear like a belt, because some people ... want it to be natural. It's like, hey, I just got out of the shower. Just like you going soft in the condom." — Pete (15:56)

• On success and the industry:
  "Network sitcoms don't translate to people wanting to see you live, but it doesn't mean they don't love the show." — Rick (80:34)

• Classic bit:
  "Name any three cards...I know all of them." — Rick (67:13)

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Fun Callbacks & In-Jokes

• "Keep your shoes on & stay out of my house" — running gag linking Pete's and Rick’s podcast titles (08:55)
• “Olive boy” / "John Olive Boy" — Pete’s ridiculous John Oliver bit (04:30, throughout)
• "Papa John's" — instant punchline whenever ingredients or pizza are discussed (53:18)
• Extensive Robocop and Tesla riffing, culminating in surreal docking jokes (08:16 onwards)
• "Eat It" vs. "Beat It" and reverence for Weird Al (38:58)
• "Suits: The Book" — as a purposely boring, dead-serious adaptation reference (39:25, 54:01)
• Recurrent bits about knowing/being Jewish, minyans, and being mistaken for Jewish on the street (40:09)

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Smart Takeaways

• Comedy is both structure and improvisational presence: Crafting an act is important, but so is leaving room for genuine, unpredictable connection (32:17–36:40).
• Relationships thrive on acceptance of each other's weirdness: The happiest couples find each other's idiosyncrasies both tolerable and delightful, not flaws needing correction (54:07–56:54).
• Artistic insecurity never fully goes away, even after success: Both comics admit to anxieties about perfection, being recognized for their work, and the sometimes arbitrary nature of showbiz (31:03, 76:28).
• The sense of humor is a survival tool forged by childhood environments: Being hyper-vigilant and sensitive often primes people for comic awareness (59:23–60:53).

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Highlighted Segments & Timestamps

• Opening banter, club/audience talk: 02:30–07:00
• Friendship & feeling seen: 09:04–10:16
• Comedy structuring vs. X factor: 32:17–36:40
• Relationship insight on being loved for your weirdness: 54:07–56:54
• Industry/stand-up/TV business chat: 77:01–80:56
• "Would you rather" and silly hypotheticals: 84:01–85:58
• Rick’s grandfather, Ray Charles, and legacy: 96:41–97:48

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Tone & Style

The episode is a rollercoaster of absurd, referential humor, lightning-quick riffing, and unexpected sincerity. Pete often steers into earnestness just as Rick undercuts him with a meta joke or deadpan literalism. Listeners feel like they’re eavesdropping on two comedy savants improvising in real time—occasionally digressing so far they acknowledge and savor their own weirdness, which is ultimately the show’s thesis.

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Summary for New Listeners

If you're new to "You Made It Weird," this episode exemplifies what makes Pete Holmes’ podcast special: unfiltered comedic riffing, deep dives into creative process and vulnerability, and a loving celebration of the quirks that make us weird and lovable. Rick Glassman more than holds his own, offering both comic delight and poignant self-reflection.

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“Keep it crispy.” — Rick Glassman (98:54)

Transcript

[Rick Glassman]

You made it with. You made it with.

[Pete Holmes]

You made it with. Oh, yeah, you made it with. Yes, you made it weird.

[Rick Glassman]

You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[Pete Holmes]

What's happening, weirdos?

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

This is exciting for me. This is the return, return, return of Rick Glassman. I think this is his third time on our show. I've done his amazing podcast, one of my favorite podcasts, podcasts to watch and to listen to, which is take your shoes off. He is so funny, so wonderful, and I'm so glad he came back on you made it weird. Follow him as Rick Glassman on all

[Pete Holmes]

your favorite social medias.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

This is spells to cast on your parents. This is my kids book, which is a lot of fun. A silly, fun bedtime read that's easy

[Pete Holmes]

for the parents, but fun for the kids. Spells that you cast on one another and a little dragon named Jesse.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

Please, please pre order that if you can. They tell me that makes a big difference. It's called spells to cast on your parents. And you don't have to pre order. You can watch my special, which is called silly, silly fun boy. It's on YouTube right now for free

[Pete Holmes]

and it's my favorite special.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

I work so hard on it and people are loving it. That means so much to me. Also, you can go to peteholmes.com for my tour dates, which are super easy. I'm going to read some of them. Tallahassee. That probably already happened when you're hearing this. Irving, Texas, Los Angeles, Denver, Durham, Charleston, Sacramento, Vancouver, MAD, Seattle, Portland and San Diego, all on peteholmes.com it's obviously it's not the hour from the special, it's the new hour and I really love that one too. So I hope you can be there. Thanks to everybody that's been coming out. The shows have been amazing, and in the meantime, enjoy my friend, the wonderful, the incomparable, the hilarious, the brilliant Rick Glassman. Get into it.

[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]

Hi, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus here, and I can't wait for you to hear our new episode of Wiser Than Me with Cyndi Lauper on Amazon Music. Cyndi may be a girl who just wants to have fun, but for 40 years, she has brought playfulness and a dash of punk to some serious activism. We talk about her lifelong LGBTQ advocacy, her astonishing music career, and pick up a whole lot of wisdom along the way. Listen now only on Amazon Music, included with Prime.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I love cocaine. People wonder how we have our rapport and they don't even know that it's co. Are we recording? Yeah. Forget It. Look at you.

[Rick Glassman]

What's that?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God. The magic mind I drank. Here's you on your podcast. You want a magic mind? You want a magic mind, Max. You want a magic mind Free. That's you. Here's me. Drink the regular one.

[Rick Glassman]

Funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that not a good riff?

[Rick Glassman]

Yes. But people are probably wondering, how do

[Pete Holmes]

we have that cocaine?

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, I've never done cocaine.

[Pete Holmes]

Me neither. If you did cocaine, I think. No. So good.

[Rick Glassman]

I didn't know you speak Spanish.

[Pete Holmes]

Let me say this in Spanish. Let's speak in Spanish for as long as we can. Hablas espanol? You can do it. Si.

[Rick Glassman]

Se puedo piquito mas.

[Pete Holmes]

A little bit more.

[Rick Glassman]

I want you to keep. I want you to keep going.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, okay.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Vamonos.

[Rick Glassman]

Como esta? Bien.

[Pete Holmes]

Muy bien.

[Rick Glassman]

Eustad. Because I respect you.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wow.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

Et tu, Brute?

[Pete Holmes]

Larry David had a great bet about when Brutus stabs Caesar. He says, et tu, Brute? And he's like, don't you think that called for the usted? Isn't that a great bit?

[Rick Glassman]

I like it a lot. I just. I know you want more.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't.

[Rick Glassman]

I like it.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't.

[Rick Glassman]

Do you ever sometimes let you off the hook? I'll go, you did enough there. Ever. Sometimes someone does something and it's funny enough and. And it was worth it, but it doesn't make you make a noise and you see that that affects them. But. But like, there's nothing I'm supposed to do. What do you want me to do?

[Pete Holmes]

This is manipulate you. No.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

This is why I hate when people

[Pete Holmes]

tell me their great story. You know what I'm talking about?

[Rick Glassman]

Unless it is.

[Pete Holmes]

Unless it is. But guess what, Ricky?

[Rick Glassman]

It's not. That's it. Almost never. That's how I feel when people bring me on stage and they say, we have a very special guest for you. It's like, don't do that. Not anymore.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't do that. I was with John Oliver before John Oliver. Was John Oliver back when was he just John Olive boy. The boy that brought the olives around for the martinis.

[Rick Glassman]

And he said the funniest thing to me I'll never forget.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry, Katie. She hated that I dropped the mic.

[Rick Glassman]

Did it hurt you?

[Pete Holmes]

She hated it. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. These are made out of metal. They're like Robocops.

[Rick Glassman]

Multiple Robocops.

[Pete Holmes]

I like that. Not his dick, just multiple Robocops.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What were we saying?

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, you were talking about John Oliver.

[Pete Holmes]

And they would.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm not Even tired. It's just the story.

[Pete Holmes]

Wowee, Daddy. I'm trying to get a catchphrase going. I'm just saying. We were backstage at a club in New York called Comics with an X, because comedy is all about tude with an apostrophe T. And they would bring John Oliver up and then say, we have a very special guest. He's from the Daily Show. Ladies and gentlemen, John Stewart.

[Rick Glassman]

That's what they were thinking.

[Pete Holmes]

People would go nuts, and they'd go, olive boy. And he'd come out with olives for all the martinis. And people would boo. They would boo.

[Rick Glassman]

What was this at the Apollo of comics?

[Pete Holmes]

Why so much booing at the Apollo?

[Rick Glassman]

I'll tell you why.

[Pete Holmes]

Why so brutal?

[Rick Glassman]

I'll tell you because they. They do what a lot of audiences are afraid to do. Tell it how it is. We'll be right back after. I work from our sponsors, the Apollo.

[Pete Holmes]

I have to do one for the Apollo, actually. So it's great that it came up. The Apollo is a legendary theater. It's not just for rubbing wood, where good luck is made from rubbing hard wood. It's for audiences that tell it like it is. So if you want to know how you bar, don't go to the Ice House in Pasadena.

[Rick Glassman]

I've never heard of that. I know. The Nice House. Are you talking about the Nice House in Pasadena? Because they don't tell you how it is.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, that's great.

[Rick Glassman]

They're like a Jewish mother.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a club called the Ice House. It should be called the Nice House.

[Rick Glassman]

I thought that was, like, what it was called. I thought that's what people used to say it as a joke. Like Ice House. More like Nice House.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that really a thing?

[Rick Glassman]

I thought so.

[Pete Holmes]

If it's not, I'm gonna upload this on Reddit like a virus.

[Rick Glassman]

People are going gobble up the Ice House. Oh, sorry, what were you saying?

[Pete Holmes]

I thought we were joining teams.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

I thought we were banding together like two renegade. Like jungle clans.

[Rick Glassman]

Like multiple robocops.

[Pete Holmes]

I wanted to drop it again.

[Rick Glassman]

I wanted.

[Pete Holmes]

I wanted to. It felt so good to sail it out.

[Rick Glassman]

All right, let's take a second. Because if I need it, they need it.

[Pete Holmes]

If you need it, they need it. And if they need it, the Apollo will give it. That's the sound I make. You talked about smoking weed with me, and we're going to do that on.

[Rick Glassman]

I don't smoke it anymore.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, good for you. Let the colon handle what the lungs cannot. That's what I. Eleanor Roosevelt. Well, that's what Betty Ford said to Eleanor Roosevelt while they were 69. Ing American history can be a lot more exciting than you think it is.

[Rick Glassman]

Now let's cut to after the improv show when you and I are talking about stuff. I just don't understand why Ford would make it better. It just takes away from what I

[Pete Holmes]

was saying, why Betty Ford is just another kind of first lady.

[Rick Glassman]

How's that better?

[Pete Holmes]

It's not better.

[Rick Glassman]

That's not. Sometimes it's just a handshake.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

Sometimes it's just a handshake.

[Pete Holmes]

I see your hand out, I grab it.

[Rick Glassman]

No, what you did was you grabbed my handshake and you said, not that one, this one. Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

And we're back. I like that we're doing keep your shoes on and stay out of my house.

[Rick Glassman]

Speaking of which, I got a lot of messages about the beginning of your special that people are saying that you called me out. I know it had nothing to do with it. And also, it would have been flattering if it was. It's like multiple Robocop's penises touching each other.

[Pete Holmes]

Now we do the docking. Less talking, more docking. That's what Robocop said in the original. They cut it out. It's only on the LaserDisc.

[Rick Glassman]

LaserDisc. If you're watching in Pasadena the lazy

[Pete Holmes]

disc, you're too good.

[Rick Glassman]

I know. We could do each other's sentences.

[Pete Holmes]

We could do a six minute podcast. We could record 10 episodes an hour and release them.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, but then we'd have to stop exactly on time and start right away with new ideas. So maybe we do it in 90 minutes and we take a little bit of a break. We change our pants, but not our shirts.

[Pete Holmes]

But we button them half up our pants, that is. Remember, button your fly jeans.

[Rick Glassman]

Are you from Back to the Future?

[Pete Holmes]

No, from my.

[Rick Glassman]

Those Marty McFly's jeans. What were you saying?

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, sometimes it's just so good.

[Rick Glassman]

You treat me.

[Pete Holmes]

Takes my breath away.

[Rick Glassman]

You listen to me.

[Pete Holmes]

Takes my breath away.

[Rick Glassman]

I want you to listen and take your breath away. And then get it back. Sometimes you receive me the way that only I receive you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I know what you mean.

[Rick Glassman]

I know exactly what you mean.

[Pete Holmes]

It feels wrong. I know what you mean.

[Rick Glassman]

And you're wrong and I'm wrong. We're both. But let's be wrong and feel good.

[Pete Holmes]

We're in a moment. Betty Roosevelt. I've learned, like, there's already been an arc.

[Rick Glassman]

There's already been an arc. Loved when Eleanor Roosevelt said that.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, that's good.

[Rick Glassman]

So, anyway, what I was saying is you see me in a way that is look nicer than it needs to be, and I. And it's not lost on me. And thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

Our lightsabers are the same color, and if this were, your show would go. This is a Tesla backing up.

[Rick Glassman]

No, this is a Tesla backing up. I don't know. That wasn't good. See, this is how I see me. And nobody else does. The world's the Apollo, and everyone's a piece of wood.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm your afterlife, and you were a good boy.

[Rick Glassman]

It's just me going back and do it again and be even better.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Rick Glassman]

Like when you beat Zelda the first time and then you play it back and you're on the second quest.

[Pete Holmes]

Like every good Odysseus, you have to go back out. This is a Tesla backing up.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm picturing you in middle school. Oh, I'll tell you after. Here's a spaceship going up and then, like, hesitating and then going down. And then landing like this back.

[Pete Holmes]

It arrivals. It arrivals.

[Rick Glassman]

Like what they do at Tesla spaceships.

[Pete Holmes]

Tesla spaceships are real. I throw them on.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, and then you pick it up.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a dick, and it's robocops, but it's human. That's the part of him that survived the shooting. His face and his dick were fine. Very generous gang members. Was it gang members that shot robocop that made him a robo when he was just a cop?

[Rick Glassman]

I try not to talk about other people.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I can't know other people's pain.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, I'll get out of here.

[Pete Holmes]

I love you. I think you're the best.

[Rick Glassman]

I've been saying this.

[Pete Holmes]

I know I've been saying, but you also look great. You're really filling out the suit. Thank you. Look, I always forget that I'm older than you, but because I'm older than you, I'm gonna assume the position of your elder and put a little weak tea on. Maybe a chicken. Chicken soup. Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Put on some weak tea and chicken soup and talk about how I look in my suit. This is. That should be the name of your podcast, Weak tea and something about chicken and suits. I forgot already.

[Pete Holmes]

Chi and chicken shoots my way to my acupuncturist. He said, I have weak chi and chicken suits.

[Rick Glassman]

Now, now, that's a perfect example of something that I loved, and I'm glad I heard it. And I don't know what to give you, and I don't have to. I Don't have. Some people need it.

[Pete Holmes]

This goes back to the original conceit. I don't. When people say, I've got a great story for you, and then they want to tell it to me, I feel like I have to perform for them and I end up doing a lot of fake. Fake laughing.

[Rick Glassman]

May I give you a suggestion?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

I do the same thing that I do when a woman says she wants to have sex with me and I'm at least considering it.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Rick Glassman]

Okay. I might go soft if you wear a condom. And I don't want to not wear a condom, but maybe we could go get tested together.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wow. So you're going to kick the sex down the road, like three weeks?

[Rick Glassman]

Not necessarily, but I might go soft in the condom.

[Pete Holmes]

Hiv?

[Rick Glassman]

I might go soft in the condom.

[Pete Holmes]

We're looking at three weeks for those.

[Rick Glassman]

I might go soft in the condom, so. Meaning that if I don't want to feel like. I don't want to feel embarrassed that you think you're not pretty or that your story is not good enough or I don't like you, it's just. It's not about you. It's just that didn't that.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you remember that scene in in the Line of Fire where he's in the.

[Rick Glassman]

I don't even remember that movie. Is that. Is that with the guy from the Fugitive?

[Pete Holmes]

Harrison Ford?

[Rick Glassman]

No, the other one. Malkovich two Face to.

[Pete Holmes]

Tommy Lee Jones.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, it's Tommy Lee Jones in Line of Fire. No, what's in the Line of Fire?

[Pete Holmes]

Clint Eastwood.

[Rick Glassman]

Before you go on, I'll forget. There was a movie that Tommy Lee Jones was in that was the Fugitive and there was another fugitive. There was another movie that Tommy Lee Jones was in where it was very

[Pete Holmes]

much fugitive coded, like chasing somebody in

[Rick Glassman]

a similar way to where when Armageddon and Deep Impact came out around the same time.

[Pete Holmes]

I remember. That was a great summer. You didn't like that one? Let's see them try it again.

[Rick Glassman]

You know, like which one?

[Pete Holmes]

Whichever one you watched first.

[Rick Glassman]

Armageddon was better, but Elijah Wood had Lord of the Rings, and that's the rub. We'll be right back.

[Pete Holmes]

Word from Elijah Wood. Oh, rub me for good luck at the Apollo.

[Rick Glassman]

Do people without ADD People or who are already a huge fan of ours like us together?

[Pete Holmes]

Will they like this?

[Rick Glassman]

I'm saying, if they're not a big fan of you and. Or a big fan of me and they don't have add, Is this something they could enjoy?

[Pete Holmes]

Let me tell you something.

[Rick Glassman]

Remember?

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Rick Glassman]

Do's don't tell me yet. Go ahead.

[Pete Holmes]

You're a long haul trucker. You need something that's spicy. We're picante for the ears. For the ear holes.

[Rick Glassman]

This is for people who are doing on long drives.

[Pete Holmes]

Long drive.

[Rick Glassman]

So why the video?

[Pete Holmes]

They have it on their dash. And they shouldn't.

[Rick Glassman]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

You ever get in an Uber and

[Rick Glassman]

they're watching something, I say something.

[Pete Holmes]

Me too.

[Rick Glassman]

I say something to friends.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll start with. I'll start with, hey, dipshit.

[Rick Glassman]

Not me.

[Pete Holmes]

Nah, I won't.

[Rick Glassman]

I'll go.

[Pete Holmes]

Excuse me, sir.

[Rick Glassman]

Go ahead, do it.

[Pete Holmes]

All right. You got it up. Sir, would you mind turning that off, please? The screen.

[Rick Glassman]

Do I have it? Wow. Cut to behind the stage during the improv show. Couldn't have just been on the dash. All right, go ahead. It's this.

[Pete Holmes]

When they do this, you're giving me improv flashbacks. I remember saying I made the mistake of taking out my real wallet in a scene and saying, I'm the FBI. And they said, no, you're not. That says Pete Holmes, your kid.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, I would. I would go back even further and say, you shouldn't have even pulled out a real prop.

[Pete Holmes]

I completely agree. The mistake was mine. She just frosted it.

[Rick Glassman]

Or would you say she. Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Handed it? She. Yes. Yeah. She ruined it in a glorious way. That Del Close was like. Del Close, but no cigar. You know, the best Mexican improviser studied under Del Taco

[Rick Glassman]

Katie. Now, that's robot.

[Pete Holmes]

That's RoboCop. This is a RoboCop flask. You know, some dildos aren't hard. Did you know that?

[Rick Glassman]

I didn't.

[Pete Holmes]

There's some flaccid dildos that you wear like a belt, because some people that, you know, need a dildo and they want it to be natural. It's like, hey, I just got out of the shower. Just like you going soft in the condom. They wear the belt with the flaccid with the regular. They just kind of want to walk around, which I completely understand.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

Most of mine.

[Rick Glassman]

Your hair is incredible. I know. It's really something. How do you monetize that? I know. You did a shampoo thing once. You still doing it?

[Pete Holmes]

That's yours. Modern mammals. I think your hair type will love it. Didn't I give that to you?

[Rick Glassman]

I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

You've been on the show four times.

[Rick Glassman]

I think this is my second time.

[Pete Holmes]

Gave it a pube wash.

[Rick Glassman]

I think this is my second time on.

[Pete Holmes]

This is definitely your third.

[Rick Glassman]

Third at most.

[Pete Holmes]

Third at least.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, at most. Then it's definitely three.

[Pete Holmes]

Matt Damon is Odysseus Feelings.

[Rick Glassman]

I watched a six thought so what? That feels wrong. What? So I shouldn't doubt you.

[Pete Holmes]

You're like AI, but right. Sandwiches.

[Rick Glassman]

I saw the six minute trailer of the Odyssey at the IMAX. Did you know there's only 19 IMAXes in the country that have the proper IMAX screen and one of them is at Universal CityWalk.

[Pete Holmes]

You mean that Katie is like really into this and I love that she's one of my. She is the unseen bedrock of this show. Because if you get Katie, she's always interested. But if you get a really in, that's a golden ticket right there.

[Rick Glassman]

Did you see Project Hail Mary and imax?

[Pete Holmes]

Did we like Project Hail Mary?

[Rick Glassman]

I'll speak for everybody. Yeah. I don't know Ryan Gosling.

[Pete Holmes]

I love Gosling. I just.

[Rick Glassman]

Your hair must have been in your eyes. Ryan Gosling is a dream guest to me on the podcast.

[Pete Holmes]

I would love. You could get him too.

[Rick Glassman]

I. I have loved him for so long. There it is.

[Pete Holmes]

I have a poster of Gosling right there.

[Rick Glassman]

He is so charming.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

He's the king.

[Rick Glassman]

Here's a little shout out. Go watch Ryan Gosling on any Graham Norton interview. You'll love.

[Pete Holmes]

Really love. Can I just say, any issue I had with the movie had nothing to do with Gosling.

[Rick Glassman]

Is it because you require CGI and there was none in this movie?

[Pete Holmes]

No, it's because I've seen the movies Arrival. I've seen the movie Spaceman. I've seen the movie Moon.

[Rick Glassman]

Have you seen 30 Rock with Dr. Spitzimmons?

[Pete Holmes]

Have you seen 30 Rock from the Sun? Where it's a delightful SNL type show, but it's made by aliens.

[Rick Glassman]

Have you seen Cliffhanger with what's his name from 30 Rock from the Sun? Who's a bad guy?

[Pete Holmes]

Sylvester Stallone. And Tommy Lee Jones is chasing him and his glove slips off. And then they spoof it in Ace Ventura 2, which also didn't work quite well. I liked it. I just didn't love it. There are also people talking. And guess what? Guess what I did.

[Rick Glassman]

Okay, not that you said something.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

No, I didn't.

[Pete Holmes]

I just did this. Can I do exactly what I did? I was so proud.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

It was. It was with.

[Pete Holmes]

No. Yeah, you're behind me. Yammering, talking during Project Hail Mary.

[Rick Glassman]

Okay, do me a favor. What is my ethnicity and what is my religion?

[Pete Holmes]

You're white guys.

[Rick Glassman]

And what's my religion?

[Pete Holmes]

You're. You're agnostic.

[Rick Glassman]

Okay, Say finally a realistic movie where there's no God. Is that what ethnostic means?

[Pete Holmes]

Where we can't. Where we ignore.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

Where we concede the idea that the

[Pete Holmes]

human mind can't know whether or not we're like.

[Rick Glassman]

We're not gonna. We don't know anything. It's a different plane.

[Pete Holmes]

That's exactly right.

[Rick Glassman]

Good. It's kind of. It's kind of like. It's kind of like. It's kind of like we're in a book and like. J.K. rowling.

[Pete Holmes]

Rolling.

[Rick Glassman]

We're gonna see J.K. rollings. Rolling.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm gonna see rolling.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, I'm on. I'm on ecstasy as well. I don't understand what you want. J.K. rowling. How are you gonna enjoy the movie? You're in your engaging with them.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm with them all. I did. You are the Ryan Gosling of comedy.

[Rick Glassman]

I have been saying this for, like, I think, like, at least since January.

[Pete Holmes]

And your podcast is the Drive.

[Rick Glassman]

Cheers it.

[Pete Holmes]

That is one bona fide pussy motherfucking machine. Whatever he says. I just did one of these. They shut the fuck up. It felt good.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, let's talk about felt good. Do it with you.

[Pete Holmes]

Why? Because I'm doing it for the whole. The whole audience benefited from me. And I was like, they don't know. I'm as gentle as a baby lamb, but, like, from behind, I look like I might be a serious motherfucker, I think. And I just. It felt so good. And they shut the fuck up. And guess what? Then they left. They left. Those fucking dum dums were day drinking, went to see a fucking four o' clock Hail Mary. Get the fuck out of here. You're not gonna follow this.

[Rick Glassman]

I like seeing you like this.

[Pete Holmes]

I like this new attitude.

[Rick Glassman]

Me too. Let me see what you do. If I. If I'm driving and I'm.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, sir, I'm sorry. Can you just not look at your phone while we're driving, please?

[Rick Glassman]

Yes. Sorry about that.

[Pete Holmes]

Thank you.

[Rick Glassman]

So sorry.

[Pete Holmes]

It's all right. I get it. The pull of the text. Where are you from?

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, you keep going.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, because I can't let that be our own.

[Rick Glassman]

I'll tell you why. Because you didn't go in gentle, so now you're overcompensating. Let me show you how I do it.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, here we go.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

My phone's down here. Here we go.

[Rick Glassman]

So I'll wait to see if they do it for like a second and then put it down.

[Pete Holmes]

Excuse me. Is there any like that? You give them the benefit? Yeah, maybe it's just a quick yeah,

[Rick Glassman]

and then I'll say something.

[Pete Holmes]

Excuse me.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm uncomfortable when you're on your phone or driving. Is there anything I could do to help figure that out?

[Pete Holmes]

That's nice.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. I mean it, though. I say, like, when a friend's driving, they're doing something, like maybe you. You want to find a song, I'll do it.

[Pete Holmes]

I love that. I take it immediately back. I should know. You're as good as gold.

[Rick Glassman]

And then when they start going, hey, have you seen Project? I'm here. I'll be like, I. I picked cool and quiet, and right now it's a little hot. So am I. So let's get the AC going in the mouth shut now. Anything I could do to help?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God. I picked cool and quiet. Yeah, I don't think anybody's looking at those preferences. If you. And I say this with all respect to every Uber driver, if you are in the flow of 30 rides, I don't think you're looking at that anymore.

[Rick Glassman]

Okay, but here's. I could be wrong, but it's not about whether or not they're looking at it. It's about whether or not I feel that something has been established. Example, if I pay the extra 299 to have my order from DoorDash delivered to me first, what you got by a guaranteed time, and it's not there by that time, I'm not. And it's 20 minutes late. I'm not losing my mind, but I am going to contact Doordash and say, hey, I want my 299 back at least.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's funny. We have a difference there.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, well, you're doing financially a little bit better than that.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know about that. I look at your views.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. I make more money on my podcast.

[Pete Holmes]

I look at your views.

[Rick Glassman]

You have crashing residuals, maybe. And you have other stuff. You look at my views?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, but you're doctoring them.

[Rick Glassman]

How do I doctor them?

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just kidding. I hate that. Even as a bit. You thought maybe I was.

[Rick Glassman]

I didn't think that you thought I was doctor them. I was wondering, even in that bit, this happened. This happened the other day with somebody. I want to remember the exact.

[Pete Holmes]

He never leaves the bed. Go ahead.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, so I saw. I saw a movie project, Hail Mary, much like your example, at 4:45pm Me too. You said four.

[Pete Holmes]

It was 4:45. Okay.

[Rick Glassman]

And when I told this person that, they go, oh, okay, old man now. I didn't think they were calling me an old man. And if they did, I don't care.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

But in that joke, I don't quite get it, because before that it was

[Pete Holmes]

to say, suck these gray nuts. No, suck these great nuts.

[Rick Glassman]

So. And you could do the same for everyone at home. He's laughing right now. So. Okay, so before that, I also. I said, I saw it at this time because that was the only time it was playing in this theater that day. Right. So when they said, okay, old man, in my head, I know you're just joking, and I get it. Old man. See, old men see matinees more than teenagers do or whatever. But he said, yeah, sure, but just hold it. But when I was. But. But I didn't get it because it's not like I'm seeing it at 4. 45 because I'm so tired. Yeah, I'm seeing it 445 because that's the only time it's offered. So when I said I don't get, like, what do you mean? She said, oh, I was just making a joke. So I said, I. I. And now here it is where I just know, like, okay, let's just call it. It doesn't matter. We're having two different conversations. And I'm. I'm. If somebody is. I'm obsessing over it. But what I said was, I know you're making a joke. I'm just trying to understand what the joke is because I am seeing it at that time, because that's the only. Teenagers and old men would see it together if they needed. If that was the only day they could see it. So. And the person was like, yeah, really? I didn't mean anything by. And they're reassuring me. I'm like, I. I'm not. I don't need reassurance. I need to understand your point of view. And that's the problem with a lot of these comics these days. No do.

[Pete Holmes]

It's funny that you're joking, but that's a valid criticism of a lot of comedy, not just young people.

[Rick Glassman]

I would say a lot of. A lot of art.

[Pete Holmes]

Completely agree.

[Rick Glassman]

I mean, look who painted this.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God. My wife and I were having a discussion. That's so good.

[Rick Glassman]

It's yours, right?

[Pete Holmes]

That's your mind. That's so good.

[Rick Glassman]

This is what I'm saying. We're the only one who see me this way.

[Pete Holmes]

So good. It really. You do really take my breath away.

[Rick Glassman]

I think. I think we operate on such a similar frequency, man.

[Pete Holmes]

That is authenticity. And it's. And it's you know, Ross Spickett. We might call it Ross.

[Rick Glassman]

Like a slur. Isn't that. Was that originally, before it was. You know what? I could save it originally because, you know, David Schwimmer was the first person, the only person to audition. And before his name was Ross, it was Icket.

[Pete Holmes]

Ross Pickett.

[Rick Glassman]

Pickett.

[Pete Holmes]

Fuck Ross Pickett.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's so good.

[Rick Glassman]

You keep it in, but we don't need that.

[Pete Holmes]

If what I just saw was like a glorious er scene and you're covered in blood and you save the person, one of their eyes doesn't work, but you saved them.

[Rick Glassman]

What do you want?

[Pete Holmes]

Your life or both eyes. Yeah, Not a choice.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, both eyes. Your life.

[Pete Holmes]

My life.

[Rick Glassman]

Your life. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What if I said that like it was profound? My life. My life. My life. Let's pray. Heavenly.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

This episode is brought to us by our friends at Magic Mind. You know, I'm constantly drinking and obsessed and talking about Magic Mind. It's like Gatorade is for athletes. Magic Mind is creator aid for creators. It has 12 functional ingredients. Things like Matcha for a little bit of caffeine, Nootropics for focus and adaptogens to help fight off stress. So it gets you right in that sweet spot. Stimulated, but also calm. Nootropics to help you focus. Don't think wired, think dialed in. On average, people say they get about 30% more done. It even fights off procrastination, brain fog, fatigue and some ADD type stuff. Take it from me, that is true. And after a few days in a row, it's even easier to slip into that flow state when you drink it. That flow state that we all chase. And here's the best part. There's a money back guarantee. So if it doesn't work for you, you get a free refund. They also have magic mind free, which is caffeine free. Which if I'm. I'm being honest, I thought that was dumb and now I'm obsessed. Right around two, three o' clock, when I want more brain power but not the caffeine that disrupts my sleep, I take a magic mind free. They also make Magic Mind Max, which has more caffeine than the usual, which I'm being honest, that's sometimes what I need. And I take one of those. They have something for everybody. They even have magic mind for your sleep, go to magicmind.com weird and use the promo code weird at checkout. That's magicmind.com weird for 20% off your first order, just use promo code weird at checkout. This episode is brought to us by our friends at Element. You've probably heard me talk about Element, LMNT or all the time, because it's what I do first thing every morning. A big glass of water with Element. Because healthy hydration isn't just water. It's water plus electrolytes that sodium, magnesium, and potassium in just the right ratio. But what makes Element so different is it's not like a lot of quite popular hydration drinks that I would never drink because they have, like 30 grams of sugar, which is a huge, huge, huge deal breaker and a terrible thing to put into your body. That's insane. Insane. Element has no BS. It's 5 calories, it won't break a fast, it's sweetened with stevia, and it tastes fantastic. So I end up drinking more water after a sauna, sure, after a workout, but it also just flips the switch in the morning. And healthy hydration can help with so many things. Your mood, your sleep, your brain, your workouts. And when you get it right, you really feel that difference. I also love their sparkling drinks, which we are subscribers to. I put those out at parties and they're huge hits. And I also love the packets of the powder, which are so easy to travel with. And that's basically my go to as well. Right now, Element is offering a free sample pack of so many different flavors. So you can find your favorite flavor, which is super fun. And it's like a $14 value. You get a free one with any order. Just go to drinklmnt.com weird. That's drinkelement.com weird to get a free sample pack with any order. Trust me, it's a game changer. This episode is brought to us by our friends at dad Grass, who noticed, like me, that so many weed products send you into outer space, when really you might just want to relax a little bit or maybe enjoy a movie or maybe enjoy a pizza a little bit more and not be blasted off like a chimpanzee around a satellite and crash land on Venus. It's insane how strong weed is, and dad Grass knows that some of us would like a mellow, stackable buzz. And that is exactly what they did with their leisure drinks, which I am obsessed with, which are the perfect dose, which taste amazing. They're yuzu flavored, which is a flavor I don't see enough of. It ships legally to all 50 states if you're over 21. And the dose is perfect. Each one has 3mg of THC and 6mg for CBD. I didn't know that that was the right ratio, but it is. It makes you feel happy, makes you feel relaxed, and you have no hangover. Of course, you can have more of them if you want to stack that buzz. I find one is just right. And in about 10 to 20 minutes, you know how you're going to feel. It's not like an edible. It gets into you and you feel fantastic. If you're like me and you don't wake up surrounded by pizza boxes with no memory of what you watched or what you ate, get leisure drinks and all of dad Grass's products, including joints which Val loves and their [e-mail] weird and use promo code weird for 20 off. That's dadgrass.com weird promo code weird for 20 off.

[Pete Holmes]

You watch my special.

[Rick Glassman]

I saw some clips.

[Pete Holmes]

Clips. Saw the clips.

[Rick Glassman]

I should watch your special.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you have it? I'm not. I'm not being funny. I'm not being roasty. Where can we watch your special? Do you have a special?

[Rick Glassman]

No, I'm working on it.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Rick Glassman]

I want to film at the end of this year or early next year. I think I'm gonna go to Edinburgh this year. Oh, and. And do 10 shows in a row. And then I'm gonna go to London and do seven shows in a row and. And then I have some shows booked after that. I feel like, oh, I'll be in a pocket. And then I want to maybe film that. I just have to figure out where I want to record it. I've never put a special out.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Why?

[Rick Glassman]

I never felt it would have. It was. It would. I had something special and I do now.

[Pete Holmes]

A special purpose.

[Rick Glassman]

I never. I never. I always do different stuff. I never worked on a specific act, and for the past two years now about. I've been working on this act and I feel like if I had to record it today, I could. I don't want to because I. I want to. I want to do my cutting phase still.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

You know, but like, I feel really funny and good at it. Yeah. Like, I think of, like, I've been like, bulking, you know, bulky. Like, you know, you do yourself and now I got it. But, like, how do I get it tighter and better and get rid of stuff I don't need?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. You don't think this is such a me thing? I get drilling it, doing it a bunch. Do you think it would make you tired of it?

[Rick Glassman]

Thank you for asking. That's a great question. Yes, I Do. And it's actually why I used to always do new stuff. I would do set constantly. Yeah. And I challenged myself to. I may have told you this metaphor before. I often know when difference between a metaphor and analogy. I don't know right now. Thank you. That I don't think that we come up with anything. I think it all exists. Not that it's been done before necessarily, but it all just exists. You're tuning into it, and we see it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Right. And that's a skill set that some are better than others.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

I think a skill set of mine is seeing the joke sometimes to the annoyance of others, of, like, you don't need to say every brick you see in the sky.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

But I would take them. And because I would see so many, I don't think I valued them that much. So I would take it and I would throw it away because, like, I'm just. You know, there's an endless supply that's also your.

[Pete Holmes]

Your special sauce, your juices, your aliveness.

[Rick Glassman]

But I think I was relying on that.

[Pete Holmes]

I understand.

[Rick Glassman]

So I started to try and develop the ability to now actually be good at building with the bricks, not just seeing the bricks.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. This is an analogy.

[Rick Glassman]

And. Yeah, it is. Absolutely is. Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

It's okay. I don't know why I said it's okay.

[Rick Glassman]

So the past two years, I've been building something, and there are times where I feel like, okay, I've done this. I've done this. But what I've done is. And I don't know how long this will last. I've done is, hey, stop thinking about what you're finding and think about what you're building. And it changes my perspective of. I'm not tired of it yet. Because. Because, like, I. I'm not ready to live in this house yet.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

So, like, I'm like. And now, like, the. The foundation is there, but, like, I'm moving some stuff around. I might want to redo the bathroom.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Can I give you.

[Rick Glassman]

Please.

[Pete Holmes]

What I think is a fantastic piece

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

of advice, seeing as we do have

[Pete Holmes]

similar kind of minds and approaches to stand up.

[Rick Glassman]

I think. Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

When you do your special, do some new stuff, too.

[Rick Glassman]

I don't. It won't be possible not to. Yeah, absolutely.

[Pete Holmes]

Because you're not wrong. I have the best of both. Right. You can do this act that you'll have refined in Edinburgh and London, and that'll be awesome. And then, like, keep it alive with a little zhuzh. The thing you thought of that week, it's so Fun.

[Rick Glassman]

There are certain. If you cut it, that. Absolutely. There are certain jokes where, like that. That pretty much just work now and then sometimes it's great. Now there's the X factor that is out of our control. But then there's. Sometimes I'm like, I don't just. I don't quite remember. Like, there's certain things that matter.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

And I've been watching. I've been taping and just watching back now, and just like, how do I get more consistent in the things that I don't need to experiment with?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. You know what? Can I interject here? I. I want to make sure. Because I care about you. It's so often just a smile. Like, it's like a smile. We're talking about consistency and a perspective. Like, don't forget what you're doing.

[Rick Glassman]

There is some math. There is some math to things.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm talking about the formulas where, like, this needs to go before this. I see you did this twice. And the second time doesn't work as well as the first time. Should I not do it the second time and see if that affects the other thing that calls this back.

[Pete Holmes]

But don't forget that what you're describing, there is math to having sex as well. And that's all there is. Two nuts. One Shaft. Am I right? PI. R. Shaft.

[Rick Glassman]

That's why I don't do zoom podcasts. I know. Because that happens. You get so. So. I don't know. Wait, you could go. You cut out.

[Pete Holmes]

You're on mute.

[Rick Glassman]

I do that sometimes. Sometimes when I'm FaceTiming somebody, I act like I can't hear them, and then when they press mute, I'm like. And then I try and go as long as I can while I can't hear them. But how? Like, guessing. I love games. I love your game, but you were giving me advice.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I hope you don't mind.

[Rick Glassman]

Not at all. I'll take it. Or I won't.

[Pete Holmes]

When you're analyzing a date, let's make it less graphic. A date, you could say, hey, it was good when it opened like this. But there is such a thing as too perfect. And there's an. You said X factor earlier. There's an X factor that I would call your presence and your aliveness, which is a huge part of what you're doing. That is outside of the math. That's why you're. I do like the sex.

[Rick Glassman]

I do like the sex.

[Pete Holmes]

I do like the sexy. I heard about a guy who moved from Scandinavia and he moved in With Colston. Larry, remember theme songs. Used to. Theme songs now are like math.

[Rick Glassman]

We're talking math.

[Pete Holmes]

Shrinking. It's just the card. But it used to be like. There's a bar downtown in Boston. Is this like two?

[Rick Glassman]

No, I'm on board now.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a bond in Boston. There's a guy named Sam.

[Rick Glassman]

No, but do it. Do it for shrinking.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know the show well enough, Harrison.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, I'm sorry. I was honestly thinking of crashing. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you think they stole my idea?

[Rick Glassman]

They stole the end of it.

[Pete Holmes]

You can't have a gerund show without writing me a little note.

[Rick Glassman]

A what?

[Pete Holmes]

In the show, a gerund. Ing, a word that ends in ing is known as a gerund.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

Huh.

[Rick Glassman]

You think it'd be a jarring. Jarring. Is a gerund just. I'm just being.

[Pete Holmes]

You're just country. You're breakfast in a country that you haven't been to before.

[Rick Glassman]

Okay, I've heard this before.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's like cream cheeses and jams and there's like sweet meats. It's just like, wow, breakfast is so much more than I thought it could be.

[Rick Glassman]

So math.

[Pete Holmes]

Just don't. It sounds like you already understand. Don't forget the X factor. Don't forget.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

That's.

[Rick Glassman]

That. That's off. That's what? That's always where I was. Relied on it so much. So I'm not worried about that. I'm not worried about that. I'm wanting to, like, make sure that I'm being as efficient as I can for something that I care about.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

Yes.

[Rick Glassman]

Instead of just trusting that, hey, you know, I'll be able to sell it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Rick Glassman]

Like I want to. Like. And then as they say in golf, I think then you forget about it.

[Pete Holmes]

But the Persian golf.

[Rick Glassman]

No, no, no. Golfing like soccer in the uk Golf.

[Pete Holmes]

Like alf.

[Rick Glassman]

G, O, L, F. Yeah, but you

[Pete Holmes]

say it like golf.

[Rick Glassman]

I must.

[Pete Holmes]

I love it.

[Rick Glassman]

You go through these motions of what you're supposed to do with your elbow and your. And your hips, but then you have to forget them.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You knew it. I don't have to tell you a God damn thing.

[Rick Glassman]

I should watch your special. I do watch specials. I didn't used to and I do now.

[Pete Holmes]

You can.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, obviously anybody can. It's on YouTube.

[Rick Glassman]

I don't need the humility. I need. I just. I'm like. I didn't think about it.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't need that. I don't need the humility.

[Rick Glassman]

What's it called?

[Pete Holmes]

Again.

[Rick Glassman]

My, my dearest silly, silly fun boy. Silly, silly, fun boy. Oh, yeah, I know that. We put a couple promos in.

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Rick Glassman]

We promote it in a couple episodes. Silly, silly fun boy. Because remember, you came on and then we promoted it like it was like four months before your special came out. It was like. Because I think you thought it was coming out sooner.

[Pete Holmes]

Dumb.

[Rick Glassman]

We got to come back out again.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm coming back.

[Rick Glassman]

And we get high and we get high soon.

[Pete Holmes]

Eat it.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, that's what I was going to ask you. When I eat weed.

[Rick Glassman]

Because you did that. Kind of like Weird Al doing Michael Jackson. Remember? Instead of Beat it, he had Eat It.

[Pete Holmes]

I think it's weird that you say that because I just did a radio show this morning and we talked at length about Weird Al, and I was thinking about Eat it. Because we were talking about what a great live show he is. And he fills out this big suit to do Eat It. He also has fat.

[Rick Glassman]

He fills out a big suit?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Like what I just started doing. You said. Yeah, with my looks.

[Pete Holmes]

With your looks.

[Rick Glassman]

You said I'm filling out my suit. There's something going on with you in Suits. I'm rewatching Suits.

[Pete Holmes]

Which one, the original or the spin off the book?

[Rick Glassman]

The original.

[Pete Holmes]

I would love a dead serious drama.

[Rick Glassman]

It's the book, man.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no. But a drama. There's nothing funny in this movie. And you're the star. There's nothing funny.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, that'll be hard to do.

[Pete Holmes]

We cut out anything that's even remotely funny.

[Rick Glassman]

That'll be a half hour. Not an hour.

[Pete Holmes]

Your character is reading a book called Suits. That's the only joke in the whole movie is you're reading the book adaptation of the show Suits. We never address it.

[Rick Glassman]

I love it.

[Pete Holmes]

I love it.

[Rick Glassman]

Could we get it to Epitau?

[Pete Holmes]

It was greenlit just now. Jed would love you. Are you Jewish?

[Rick Glassman]

The nicest thing you've ever said to me. Honestly, when people don't know I'm Jewish, I'm flattered.

[Pete Holmes]

When people think I'm Jewish.

[Rick Glassman]

No one thinks you're Jewish.

[Pete Holmes]

Every once in a while, those guys on the street, they go, are you Jewish? Jewish.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, because they're looking for a tenth.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm sorry, I don't know that stereotype.

[Rick Glassman]

It's. What's it called? Not a communion, but. Will you Google what is it called when Jews need a tenth and they bob up and down?

[Pete Holmes]

A tenth?

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, like a tenth.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

Coat.

[Rick Glassman]

No, they need ten people. They need. It's.

[Pete Holmes]

They need ten Jews a Minion.

[Rick Glassman]

A minion, yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Illumination.

[Rick Glassman]

Would you read? What a mama. Are you microphoned? No, it's a quorum of 10. A quorum of 10 Jewish adults, traditionally men over 13, required for reciting certain key prayers, such as the Kaddish and for public Torah reading. So you think every week on the street, though sometimes, like, they only have nine people and you have to do it by sundown, so they're basically looking. It's like basketball. Listen, we want to play with people who play, but we have nine. Hey, buddy, I know you're wearing cargo shorts, but would you be a 10?

[Pete Holmes]

Get in here. Timberlands.

[Rick Glassman]

You're the cargo short Timberland Jew.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll be a cargo short Timberland Jew.

[Rick Glassman]

Kstj.

[Pete Holmes]

I could have, like, a Zach Braffi kind of Judaism. He's not Jewish either, but more believable, darker hair.

[Rick Glassman]

Zach Prof. Is Jewish.

[Pete Holmes]

Is he?

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Great. See? And I look like him. What if this is when I find out?

[Rick Glassman]

No, I don't.

[Pete Holmes]

But I'd be.

[Rick Glassman]

I don't think you do.

[Pete Holmes]

He and I have talked about how me, Zach and Dax Shepard look very similar. Like brothers sold in the same store.

[Rick Glassman]

Deal. Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

I. I'm in the bargain bin and they're in the sexy aisle.

[Rick Glassman]

Why do you say that? Are you checking their numbers?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I'm looking at their YouTube downloads. You do got that YouTube game figured out. What were you gonna say?

[Rick Glassman]

Probably something great.

[Pete Holmes]

I know, but here we are in the aliveness of the moment, and that's gone. Silly.

[Rick Glassman]

Silly. Fun boy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Opening. I got so many messages.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah. It was people.

[Rick Glassman]

No, people. I. I know it wasn't, but when they said it, it was flattering. They're like, oh, Pete. Like, you could tell Pete loves Rick. Like, oh, near. It must be near the beginning of your special. I think it's the taking your shoes

[Pete Holmes]

off first or second joke.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, but.

[Pete Holmes]

And you're wrong. I also address in the joke that I'm wrong.

[Rick Glassman]

You are wrong.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

No, I know.

[Pete Holmes]

And I also address in the joke that most people in the crowd. Or take shoes off households.

[Rick Glassman]

You'd be surprised at how many people aren't.

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Rick Glassman]

In focus.

[Pete Holmes]

We're not. I mean, in the camera. We are in focus. I just. The argument for you. For you on the thumbnail. I make the argument. I really would like to know your response to this.

[Rick Glassman]

Sorry.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not that taking your shoes off doesn't reduce germs in your house. It's that you can't ultimately win, so just give up. That's honestly My argument.

[Rick Glassman]

I think the latter is even more wrong.

[Pete Holmes]

Which one?

[Rick Glassman]

You can't win. So give up. As if the goal is to win as opposed to just do as well as you can.

[Pete Holmes]

I like that You've won me over with just one clean sentence.

[Rick Glassman]

Take your shoes off now. Nominated for two Webby Awards.

[Pete Holmes]

Webby.

[Rick Glassman]

Webby.

[Pete Holmes]

Are we. Is that webtastic or Man?

[Rick Glassman]

You just went straight to hbo, so you don't even know about Webbies.

[Pete Holmes]

Who's hosting that? The Huck to a girl.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, no, it's. It's Johnson. What's his name? Daily Show.

[Pete Holmes]

I like John Oliver. No, Olive Boy.

[Rick Glassman]

The black guy who does a new special every week who's, like, brilliant. Can I say special?

[Pete Holmes]

You can say black guy, too.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm here.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm here to tell who can say, yeah, the host of the.

[Rick Glassman]

Josh Johnson.

[Pete Holmes]

Josh Johnson. He's fantastic. Yeah, fantastic. I don't think it's Johnson, though.

[Rick Glassman]

Katie, will you look up Josh Johnson, Daily Show?

[Pete Holmes]

Maybe just type in Josh Daily show because we're not sure about some of this.

[Rick Glassman]

It is Josh Johnson.

[Pete Holmes]

You've been right. You should watch this. When you're ever like, am I wrong? And you could just watch this episode and be like, I'm right a lot.

[Rick Glassman]

I am. And I'll tell you why. Because if I don't know something, I say I think. Like, if I think something but I don't know it, I'll say I think.

[Pete Holmes]

But if you know it and you

[Rick Glassman]

don't think it, you might be a redneck.

[Pete Holmes]

Were you a he man guy?

[Rick Glassman]

You know what? I'm a she man guy. And I think it's about time we start letting our boys play with little girl dolls so they grow up and understand what it's like to be a woman.

[Pete Holmes]

You mean like all the cooking sets and the cleaning?

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, when I grow. So, first of all, my mom's my best friend, so I'm lucky. But also, I would play with creepy crawlers. Do you remember creepy crawlers? They also had a creepy crawler bait.

[Pete Holmes]

You can be a little creep without being bad. Creepy crawlers.

[Rick Glassman]

So I would have the Easy Bake Oven, but for boys. Creepy crawlers. You would make gummies, gummy gummy snakes and gummy scorpions.

[Pete Holmes]

Easy Bake for boys.

[Rick Glassman]

Yes. That's why I.

[Pete Holmes]

You're blowing my mind. And mad balls were the mad balls was before me.

[Rick Glassman]

I kind of remember it, though. I'm 29. What was mad?

[Pete Holmes]

You get me with that every time

[Rick Glassman]

you think that we're closer in age

[Pete Holmes]

you're not 29, Sam. You tricked me with that last time. Okay, what year were you born?

[Rick Glassman]

1998. 7. For not having done the math. I, you know, just have to say it really fast.

[Pete Holmes]

I loved it. Never change. Okay, so you loved Creepy Crawlies because you're. You're a mama's boy. See? I was a mama's boy, too.

[Rick Glassman]

You had to be.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. What do you mean?

[Rick Glassman]

Because your father at that time. Art thou in heaven?

[Pete Holmes]

My God. Yeah, my God.

[Rick Glassman]

You grew up. You grew up with God being your real father.

[Pete Holmes]

That's Jesus.

[Rick Glassman]

Wasn't he? Like, didn't you grow up with, like. That's who you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, but you still have a dad.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, but who would you listen to if they were? If Joseph and Jesus told you, if Jesus said, make a left at Albuquerque.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait.

[Rick Glassman]

And Joseph said, make a right, what would you do?

[Pete Holmes]

I think you're almost there. If Jesus was driving and Joseph said, make a right at Albuquerque, but then God Almighty said, go left.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, it's about what you listen to. And if Jesus is driving, it's who Jesus is listening to.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm Jesus.

[Rick Glassman]

No, you need to be driving because it's who you're going to listen to. Are you going to listen to Jesus or Joseph?

[Pete Holmes]

But you're made a Joseph, which is Jesus's dad.

[Rick Glassman]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

Jay is my dad.

[Rick Glassman]

May I. You may figure this out. Right. Here's what it is. Here's what it is. If. Yes. Yes, yes, yes. If you're Jesus.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Rick Glassman]

Do you listen to Joseph or God?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you listen to God.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm sorry I confused you for Jesus. I was just looking at your hair.

[Pete Holmes]

Modern Mammals. That's what Jesus was about. That brand. Synergy.

[Rick Glassman]

Does Modern Mammals sponsor you or is it your. Is it your business?

[Pete Holmes]

I work with them. They don't. They used to do ads. Now we just hand it out because I like it.

[Rick Glassman]

So it's. It's you invested into them.

[Pete Holmes]

Invested into.

[Rick Glassman]

Right. It's not yours.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's also because I really like it.

[Rick Glassman]

Of course, you wouldn't sell anything you don't like.

[Pete Holmes]

That's true.

[Rick Glassman]

Now, a word from our sponsors.

[Pete Holmes]

What's your sponsors?

[Rick Glassman]

The only thing.

[Pete Holmes]

This is what comedians do. Now. We used to talk about bits and

[Rick Glassman]

like, maybe you talk about sponsors and stuff. You and Dax and.

[Pete Holmes]

And.

[Rick Glassman]

And my braff. But not. I still do it. And I'm not saying this in a derogatory sense. I'm saying this because I don't really have an option. I'm still just focused on making a Great product. I am.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. But that does feel hurtful. It seems like I'm out.

[Rick Glassman]

Then maybe. Maybe then check in with yourself of why you feel maybe you're not doing that.

[Pete Holmes]

Great. That's fantastic. So great. You always. I. I'm in a labyrinth and I just never know. That's why you're so fun. It's surprising. It's always surprising. I never. And you're making me realize almost every time I say something to anybody, I have a guess as to what they might say. I'm like, kind of of soft predicting the future. And that's what makes you so delightful. So people who might not find you as delightful might not be casting their nets as aggressively into the near future.

[Rick Glassman]

You think you know what people are going to say. You're saying. And you're usually.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I guess I have a guess.

[Rick Glassman]

And what does that. So. And you say when you guess what I have to say. Am I guessing right? Are you guessing right? I'm never right.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I'm delightful about.

[Rick Glassman]

You got it?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah. So you were a creepy crawly boy and your mom is still your best friend.

[Rick Glassman]

You know, Rita at the improv said that to me. I'm sure she says it to other people too, but. Yes. Are you asking how to spell it? Are you making sure you know what read I'm talking about?

[Pete Holmes]

I just wanted to point.

[Rick Glassman]

I think it's R, E, E, T. I mean, that's how I have her. My phone. You know, it's funny because sometimes I talk tell. Like I had Johnny Pepperton in my phone with a P, I think. And so I thought his name was Johnny Pepperton instead of Pemberton.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, we're talking about Johnny Pemberton.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. So I'm just saying, like. Oh, I realized, like, what's your mom

[Pete Holmes]

in your phone as?

[Rick Glassman]

First name, last name.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, really?

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Not mom cell.

[Rick Glassman]

No, I do that. I think. I. I don't even. I. I have everybody in there as their name.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Because I don't want anybody to be my phone and be able to search for a relative.

[Pete Holmes]

I understand.

[Rick Glassman]

It's not his mom. What's that?

[Pete Holmes]

That's called his mom.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. I don't even think about it, like, in a negative way, like. Like they're gonna prank somebody. I'm just. I don't know. It's just. I know what it is.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm trying to keep everything clean.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

But I wanted to tell you that she said to me that. That I took it as a compliment, but better or Worse that she has been doing this for a long time and always, you know, can have a good guess of what a punchline will be. Rita. And she said she never knows when I. What I or Harlan Williams is the punchline is going to be.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

No punchline is going to be. Yeah, guess, though.

[Pete Holmes]

What'd I say?

[Rick Glassman]

Gonna say what the punchline's gonna be. That's exactly the point she was making. You never know what I'm gonna say. Thinking that's the benefit of going second, which is why the house has an advantage in blackjack. They have to hit at 16 and saw 17. But we bust first, which is my rule with making love to a woman,

[Pete Holmes]

which is also why freestyling. Going second, you win.

[Rick Glassman]

Not necessarily. I mean, in eminem. Sure, in Eminem, in 8 mile.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, he goes first at the end, though, doesn't he?

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, but he goes. He goes second at the beginning and loses. Right.

[Pete Holmes]

That was mom's spaghetti. Hmm.

[Rick Glassman]

In making love, I like to think that I'm the house. So if you're gonna bust, you have to bust first. But if you decide to stay, that's your right. I'm gonna. I'm gonna keep hitting it on that

[Pete Holmes]

soft 17,

[Rick Glassman]

which technically is 18. It's still 18. Soft 17, still 18. Not that that's okay. It's still too young, but, you know, if you go legally.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't even get that riff, and I loved it. I. Soft 17 is an ace and a seven. Seven.

[Rick Glassman]

No, never mind. That's an ace and a six.

[Pete Holmes]

17, right.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I understand how that could have been taken as, like an underage. It's not where I was going, but I liked it.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, we were talking about.

[Pete Holmes]

But you're very close with your mom. Do you have a girlfriend?

[Rick Glassman]

Well, depends how you define girlfriend. Do I have anybody I'm in a relationship with? No. Do I want to be married yesterday and have kids four days ago? Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Really? Yeah. You're out there. I'm out there now trying to get married.

[Rick Glassman]

Trying to find somebody. Yeah, trying to find somebody. It's tough. I have. I have some non negotiables that are pretty specific.

[Pete Holmes]

One big ass.

[Rick Glassman]

I want them to be funny. I've never had a girlfriend who isn't funny. Yeah. Is it a requirement? I think so. Is it a nagant? I don't know. But I do know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, let me finish.

[Pete Holmes]

But I'm gonna say.

[Rick Glassman]

Let me finish. You.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm gonna nudge you in the right direction.

[Rick Glassman]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Go ahead.

[Rick Glassman]

Because I'm Trying to check in. What is it that I want them to be funny for? For obvious reasons, being funny is great. But like, there was. I've reframed something. Like, I dated somebody once who at one point I would have thought she wasn't that funny until I reframed things and I realized, oh, she's very funny. With a new definition of funny. She has such a. She had such a great appreciation of what is funny and taste the. Yes. And the things she would laugh at and the things that she would point out that aren't necessarily hers. But still, that's what an observation is. It's pointing something out, but noticing something for when I would get triggered with my OCD or something. And not only did she receive me in a way that was accepting of who I am, but she laughed at certain things. Like, oh, that's a character trait of a guy in a TV show. Versus this is a person who's requiring me to. To. To soothe him, which I didn't need.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm so excited because I've tried this on stage and people know I've said this before, but with Valerie, my wife,

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

my partner, my love,

[Rick Glassman]

It's fun to be in the audience for yourself. You know, like, you didn't know you were going that way, but that. But. And then you found it. It's like when people talk about ingredients and then I just go, papa John's. It's like you just find it. And it's so fun watching people find stuff. And you're good at finding it. I'm sorry. Go ahead.

[Pete Holmes]

Papa John's is a great thing.

[Rick Glassman]

Whenever. I mean, I just love magic. Mine. There's Elthenian, great ingredients. Papa John's. You know,

[Pete Holmes]

I have tears in my eyes. That's such a great, just thing to always have. If someone says, but I'm not thinking.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm not looking for it.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I know. But for the lessers, for the. For the amateurs, just know it's funny to say pop.

[Rick Glassman]

No, it's mine. Oh, tell me about Valerie, my love. So Jim Carrey coated my love. I say coded, by the way, because I'm.

[Pete Holmes]

Goodbye, my love. It's dumb and dumber.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, yes. Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

She thinks what I.

[Rick Glassman]

Yes. Right before. Right before we're getting in the. Goodbye, my love. Yes. And then limo.

[Pete Holmes]

And he's.

[Rick Glassman]

Yes.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

She thinks.

[Pete Holmes]

And this is.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

This is what I say. I think the key to a good relationship.

[Pete Holmes]

One of the keys is find someone who thinks what is annoying about you is funny.

[Rick Glassman]

At least sometimes I can't think Everything that's annoying about it. I mean, that's just not realistic. Right?

[Pete Holmes]

I would say that too.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

But Val things.

[Pete Holmes]

Everything I do, I'll give you.

[Rick Glassman]

You're my Val.

[Pete Holmes]

I know I'm your Val. This is when we realized. And we cut to color bars. And then we're getting married in Vegas. I'm gonna say.

[Rick Glassman]

I mean, I'll film it. I love a sketch.

[Pete Holmes]

I love a sketch.

[Rick Glassman]

We could write it off.

[Pete Holmes]

We were putting out.

[Rick Glassman]

Don't.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't tell my daughter. But we were putting out Easter eggs for an Easter egg hunt. Because it was just Easter. And I was like baby to Val. I was like, do you remember one year I was so like. I was in this really good rhythm of getting up at like 5:30 in the morning and getting in the cold plunge. It's still dark, there's stars out. I got like addicted to this. I loved it more than anything. I'm in the cold plunge at 5:30, then the hot tub, Then I would read by the fire. I fucking loved it. I'd be reading the book Suits. You pick your moments and you pick them correctly. So I'd read the adaptation book version of Suits. And it was my special wonderful time. I just loved it. I felt like it was like the 1700s and lighting a candle and having. I had a whole life before the day even started. So I was so rhythm in this. Go to bed like 9:30 early.

[Rick Glassman]

I won't tell anyone. That's why you're saying it like that, right?

[Pete Holmes]

Man, old man, project Hail Mary.

[Rick Glassman]

It's great if you could do that. I want to be able to.

[Pete Holmes]

I do it all the time, so. But then it was Easter Sunday. This isn't this year. It's a couple years ago. And Val's brother. And so my brother in law, my sister in law, and they're my Leela's cousins were all visiting and they're all going to do an Easter egg hunt in the morning. And they were all getting up at like 5:30 to put out the Easter eggs. I didn't help. I got up and just got in the cold plunge because I'm.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

It's a little spectrumy.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like this is what I do. I'm gonna. I'm. I'm on a streak. I want to do this in a cold plunge. And I hear them with flashlights all going around having fun, laughing, making memories. And I'm just like, petey is not breaking a streak today. And I said this to Val with some embarrassment. I was like, do you Ever. I say this to her all the time. I'm like, do you ever, like, put it together, what a weirdo you married? And she's like, pete, it's not like you became weird.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

You were weird.

[Pete Holmes]

And I married you. I knew what you were, and I love you. She thinks just like this girlfriend you had. What I do, that's strange is delightful in the way that you would watch a movie or a TV show and go, I love Phoebe on Friends. I love the kooks and the weirds. And she sees me that way. I was like, oh, my God. I think that's my best relationship advice.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, that's beautiful.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you think so? Yeah, because I think that's. That would be a nice fit.

[Rick Glassman]

It's being seen.

[Pete Holmes]

It's being seen and. And appreciated even more than you appreciate yourself. Because I'm saying two years later, I'm like, that's weird, right? It's weird that I didn't help put out the Easter eggs.

[Rick Glassman]

And when somebody like that who sees you in such a kind way has. Has a critique it, like, you listen to it.

[Pete Holmes]

You listen to it. Is right.

[Rick Glassman]

Listen to it.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the other thing in our relationship, and I'm not saying this to you as advice, but like, I listen to Val, I know I'm wrong. She goes, we should go to like, we were just on spring break. We went to Laguna, we went to Disneyland. If you just let me do spring break, I'd just be at home. I'd be like, well, we'll just hang out, right? And I'm wrong. And she says, let's do these adventures. And I have a little resistance to that, but I have a default where I go, just listen to Val. And she's right every time we're in Laguna. And I'm like, oh, my God, this is so fun. We're on the beach and we're making memories. And I'm just like, know that you're wrong. Find someone who think. And here's the third one. I think it's really. This is super practical. It's great in a relationship, especially when you have kids, have at least one morning person, ideally one morning person and one not morning person. Because Leela gets up really early and I don't mind getting up with her. Val can top off the tank, sleep a little bit more. That's just like soup to nuts. Good old fashioned. Like, that's just good dynamics. Like, if you're building a team to raise kids, if one person likes getting up in the morning and one person

[Rick Glassman]

then you do or you don't like getting up in the morning.

[Pete Holmes]

I love getting up in the morning. I love getting up in the morning.

[Rick Glassman]

Got it.

[Pete Holmes]

But Val does not. But then in the afternoon, when I'm, like, crashing, she's showing up. That's just, like, basic stuff.

[Rick Glassman]

Where the show came from.

[Pete Holmes]

Crashing. My show's called Shrinking. I'm Jason Sudeikis, the girlfriend.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

Steak on purpose.

[Rick Glassman]

The girlfriend who I. I realized. And who. Who, like. She is very funny. And I realize she's funny, like I said, because as I got older, I realized what funny means. It doesn't mean someone who could give a punchline all the time. Yep. If it weren't for her, I don't know if you and I would have become friends.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell me.

[Rick Glassman]

She was the one who said you should have Pete Holmes on your podcast. Yeah, she listened to your podcast. This was back in 2020 at the latest. Maybe 2019. Probably early 2020 to 2019. Probably 2019.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

And that's when I sent you a message. I knew of you, you know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

I don't remember if I watched Crashing or not, but I did either after she brought you up or I watched it anyway. But I never thought of you as a podcast. I don't know. Yeah, but she was the one who suggested to get. To get Pete Holmes on the reason I'm so.

[Pete Holmes]

I think sense of humor isn't really just having laughs in a relationship. I think it's an indicator, and this sounds more dramatic than it is, that you and that person have been wounded. We've all been wounded in similar ways.

[Rick Glassman]

I think of it as you just grew up watching the Simpsons, and I'm

[Pete Holmes]

being serious, drawn to the Simpsons because you were wounded in similar ways.

[Rick Glassman]

What happened?

[Pete Holmes]

Hyper vigilance.

[Rick Glassman]

That's what happened. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

People that like the Simpsons were probably being hyper vigilant as children, and they're looking for references, and they're like, oh, did you see?

[Rick Glassman]

What was I being? Me being hyper vigilant? How is that as a response to something? What makes me be hypervigilant?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I can't say what it was for you, but for me, it was managing the emotional realities of three very different people.

[Rick Glassman]

Father, Son, and Holy Spirit.

[Pete Holmes]

My brother, the Holy Spirit. My mother, the son. Look, I don't want to project beyond you, even though that's what I just did. I'm just saying, like, a lot of kids that are drawn to things like the Simpsons, that have a lot of information and a lot of ways to look at it are like, kids that grew up like little Jason Bournes, that know where the exits are, that know where the nearest gun is, that know how fast they can run at this altitude. What happened to your hand?

[Rick Glassman]

I picked a little piece of dead skin off. It didn't fall off and then it dropped.

[Pete Holmes]

I like that you're part of the studio now. It'll be better now you. But I. I don't want to presume that you had fires to put out as a child or felt involved in other people in grownups as a little parent as well.

[Rick Glassman]

Funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

I mean, do you remember sh.

[Pete Holmes]

That.

[Rick Glassman]

That Shaq was like.

[Pete Holmes]

Was.

[Rick Glassman]

Is Tim Meadows brother and he throws the guy over the roof in Grown Ups too.

[Pete Holmes]

Shaq plays Tim Meadows's brother in Grown Ups too. Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

I think you've learned by now to not challenge me on this.

[Pete Holmes]

I would never. And they Shaq have regular.

[Rick Glassman]

Say what? They do that a whole bunch of. Do you not. Have you seen it? Say what?

[Pete Holmes]

I'm waiting till I Finish Grown Ups One to watch Grown Ups 2.

[Rick Glassman]

Honestly, that's good. The book is better.

[Pete Holmes]

If you like Project Hail Mary, you should watch the Sandler movie. I'm not joking. Spaceman, which was on Netflix.

[Rick Glassman]

Seen it and it didn't with a

[Pete Holmes]

spider that it was the exact same movie.

[Rick Glassman]

Project Hail Mary was written before it. If it means anything to you, the

[Pete Holmes]

book was written before it. But the book Spaceman was based on was written before that book. No, don't test me.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm just going to just googled it.

[Pete Holmes]

That was the first thing I did when I left. So there was a book that Spaceman was based on and there was the book Hail Mary.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, that's like saying. That's like saying there would be no Spaceballs if there was no Star wars, which is not true. Just people wouldn't get it.

[Pete Holmes]

That is the funniest thing you could have said. Well, I really think we could have taken a four hour break.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm like your ex girlfriend. Clip it. Send it to Josh Gad.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

Clip it.

[Pete Holmes]

Send it to Gad. I don't know about that. Why not the remake?

[Rick Glassman]

I mean, if the remake works, I worry great. If the remake doesn't, it takes nothing away from the original. I never understand. Oh, they're ruining. If they remade Major League, they'd be ruining the original then. No, they're not.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

If they make another face.

[Pete Holmes]

We talked about this on the thing I did this morning when Milli Vanilli was exposed as not being Milli or Vanilli.

[Rick Glassman]

You know, Millie by The way was really singing and Vanilli wasn't. Google it.

[Pete Holmes]

Vanilli. Ice was really rapping. Milli wasn't singing. Yes, neither of them were singing.

[Rick Glassman]

Neither of them were.

[Pete Holmes]

And either of them could, but either of them didn't. And tomato is a great sauce.

[Rick Glassman]

And I say it that way as well. We'll be right back after a word from the Apollo.

[Pete Holmes]

Why do I think that the fate of the world will come down to these two ports? Like a Sword in the Stone kind of situation, and AI is going to annihilate all of us, but then you stand in one and I stand in one, and then this bolt of electricity goes between our brains and they go like, I see now, and they leave.

[Rick Glassman]

You're kind of making me think of that movie when Ryan Reynolds and Jason Bateman pee in a fountain and switch bodies. And they see, like, they play with their dicks as they're the friends dicks. More than Sword in the Stone.

[Pete Holmes]

They play with their friends dicks.

[Rick Glassman]

They play with like. Like, oh, I'm a dad, and now I'm a single guy with muscles.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

And I have sex with girl. Look at this dick.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, they're. They're having sex with his dick, which is not.

[Rick Glassman]

Chill. If we switch bodies, I would not look at your. I would pee sitting down, and I wouldn't touch anything.

[Pete Holmes]

I appreciate.

[Rick Glassman]

Fuck your wife, though. Fuck your wife.

[Pete Holmes]

She would know it wasn't me.

[Rick Glassman]

Why? Because I didn't go, ew, ew, ew. Every time she sat on my fucking face. We'll be right back after a word from the Apollo. You could cut it out if you want. I don't know. I didn't mean anything. It's just a math thing, you know?

[Pete Holmes]

Loved every part.

[Rick Glassman]

It's just math.

[Pete Holmes]

I loved every part of that riff. Ew, ew, ew is so funny because I. Well, you. What you have an appreciation for is whether or not you're thinking about it is the dynamics of who's winning and what game is being played.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm like, that's really nice.

[Pete Holmes]

She would know it wasn't me. I'm trying to say, like, I would win. And then you go, what I say was new.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So it's this. You're just like an entertainer.

[Rick Glassman]

But that's. That's. That's the math of it. That's just you entertaining, you setting this thing. So me playing over here. It's almost as if you're here and I'm here, and if AI were to come to the world, electricity Would go in the two of us, and then I'd play with your dick.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. Because Ryan Reynolds. Did you notice that Gosling is kind of like Ryan Reynolds? Do you see the.

[Rick Glassman]

Yes. I think it's parallel thought. I think they're just confident guys. I think they're confident guys and confidence breeds something. And what they both have is a calm confidence. I agree. And that. That looks like that.

[Pete Holmes]

And they also face symmetry. There's face symmetry and a little face asymmetry as well.

[Rick Glassman]

Hey, sprinkle it in.

[Pete Holmes]

Because Gus has got. He's got that same thing that Pedro Pascal and a lot of good looking

[Rick Glassman]

men that you don't know what their sexual orientation is. And it's none of your business.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. We'll be right. Pascal.

[Rick Glassman]

My grandma goes now that I like in a way to where even if there wasn't anything she didn't like before, she just let me know there was. Now that I like.

[Pete Holmes]

This is another thing you and I have in common. I got off stage once. This was in New York in my first 10 years. And someone went, you were great. You were definitely in my top three. And I was like, just say I'm your third favorite.

[Rick Glassman]

Like, not necessarily.

[Pete Holmes]

I know.

[Rick Glassman]

Because I can say my top three favorite movies and I don't know the order.

[Pete Holmes]

That's fair. I like that. I remember.

[Rick Glassman]

I really like these three. I don't know who was better, but

[Pete Holmes]

if I was number one, I was also gonna say Chevy Chase was the old oak tree that died. And Ryan Gosling and Ryan Reynolds grew. Ryan's.

[Rick Glassman]

I never realized they are both Ryan's hot.

[Pete Holmes]

Ryan energy. Ryan on Ryan. People would love to see that.

[Rick Glassman]

I would watch it just out of. I would like. I can't believe they even put this out. Not even that they're doing it, which is their business, but like, what is it that they're putting out there? You know, like when somebody plays basketball and they. Tom. Tom Segura broke his arm trying to dunk. And there's a video that went viral for a long time. I didn't watch it. I don't want to watch it. I know what happens. If I knew that both of them came or one of them came or neither of them came.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

And I know what happens. I would still, like, I want to see that.

[Pete Holmes]

Is there porn where someone just goes, like, I'm sorry, this isn't working.

[Rick Glassman]

Have you ever been to Vegas? Sometimes the player doesn't bust and it's still a win.

[Pete Holmes]

I see they win with, like, a 13.

[Rick Glassman]

There's sometimes where.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you like cards?

[Rick Glassman]

Yes. Name, name, name. Any three cards. But there have to be at least two different suits. Go ahead.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Three of clubs. King of spades. I'm gonna say jack of diamonds.

[Rick Glassman]

I know all of them.

[Pete Holmes]

That is so.

[Rick Glassman]

I've done that joke in a different way twice on my podcast since it started. I just want to acknowledge, for those of you that know that that's the joke that is now, I guess, a reoccurring joke that I do.

[Pete Holmes]

I know all of them.

[Rick Glassman]

I never did it with cards, though.

[Pete Holmes]

It reminds me, Chelsea Peretti had one of the funniest life bits where she goes, do I have anything in my teeth? It seems like something you would do.

[Rick Glassman]

I have everything in my teeth bit. I do this when I'm on set. If I'm about to go to. If I'm like, last looks or whatever. And I. Normally, I'm fine because I'm a guy and it is what it is, but sometimes I'll be like, do I have anything in my teeth?

[Pete Holmes]

I don't get it.

[Rick Glassman]

Answer me. Do I have any of my teeth?

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Rick Glassman]

And then, like, I'm upset, and then I walk off and, like, I haven't

[Pete Holmes]

anything in my teeth.

[Rick Glassman]

Vet. Go ahead.

[Pete Holmes]

So I have to have something in my teeth.

[Rick Glassman]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

You and I don't know, though.

[Rick Glassman]

I think you don't know, but I don't know. Oh. So if you actually have something in

[Pete Holmes]

your teeth in this scene, I really have something.

[Rick Glassman]

And you don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know.

[Rick Glassman]

Got it.

[Pete Holmes]

And we're talking, and you have to

[Rick Glassman]

say, so if I say you have something.

[Pete Holmes]

So take it back. One line. I'll be like. That's when I realized being Lithuanian isn't so bad.

[Rick Glassman]

What? I missed the first part. What? What made you realize that? Pete, you have something in your teeth.

[Pete Holmes]

You have me, like, dabbing my sweat

[Rick Glassman]

like a Southern lawyer.

[Pete Holmes]

Southern lawyer.

[Rick Glassman]

No. Frog or leghorn. Yeah. Pete, do you really have something in your teeth?

[Pete Holmes]

I know. That's my bet.

[Rick Glassman]

Good.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. And I don't take it out for a while. That's comedy.

[Rick Glassman]

That's comedy. Teaching a comedy class. It's way too expensive. That's comedy. I have four years, honestly, and I still want to. Want to coach a comedy class.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Rick Glassman]

And call it.

[Pete Holmes]

That's comedy.

[Rick Glassman]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. That's not the point.

[Rick Glassman]

No. I want to coach a comedy class.

[Pete Holmes]

I've missed the point. Haven't.

[Rick Glassman]

Where I bring in some of the world's most funny people. I'd love for you to come check it out.

[Pete Holmes]

And we want me to take it.

[Rick Glassman]

If you could just. I just want. I want you to watch. There'll be some comics you like there. And I want to have people do like that. Like teachers get. Like you give little instructions that are. It's more funny, it's more a performance than it is a lesson. But it is a lesson. It's. It's. It's playing with the expectations of what a comedy class would be.

[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]

What?

[Rick Glassman]

By being funny? But what's the curriculum? So each person has like, somebody will come on and explain how to do prat falls. Just like stuff that's real, but like, it's just. I think it would make for a really funny master class. Yeah, but not a real master class. But like, you're not supposed to say master. You're supposed to say this was primary class. Thank you. That's what I was getting at.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I got it.

[Rick Glassman]

Even when I do, even on my cameras, I have rick cam, Pete cam. When I label them, I have room cam. I call it room cam cam.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't mind the master bedroom.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, I know. I saw how you treated them in the theater.

[Pete Holmes]

They were three whites.

[Rick Glassman]

Has nothing to do with race. I'm just saying them being people who aren't you. Who you want something from. Subscribes, likes merch purchases. Do you do merch?

[Pete Holmes]

No. I met a guy at dinner last

[Rick Glassman]

night that was like Seven wives.

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Rick Glassman]

I'll tell you later. Go ahead.

[Pete Holmes]

Scanning, scanning, scanning.

[Rick Glassman]

Have you heard Die Hard with a Vengeance? Like, have you seen the first one? But you were angry about it.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a bit.

[Rick Glassman]

He goes, I met him. I might have made With a Vengeance.

[Pete Holmes]

Not the sequel, the first one. But I was really into it.

[Rick Glassman]

Clip it. Said it to Josh. Gad.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

This episode is brought to us by our friends at Magic Mind. You know, I'm constantly drinking and obsessed and talking about Magic Mind. It's like Gatorade is for athletes. Magic Mind is creator aid for creators. It has 12 functional ingredients. Things like Matcha for a little bit of caffeine, nootropics for focus, and adaptogens to help fight off stress. So it gets you right in that sweet spot. Stimulated, but also calm. Nootropics to help you focus. Don't think wired, think dialed in. On average, people say they get about 30% more done. It even fights off procrastination, brain fog, fatigue, and some ADD type stuff. Take it from me, that is true. And after a few days in a row, it's even easier to slip into that flow state when you drink it. That flow state that we all chase. Here's the best part. There's a money back guarantee, so if it doesn't work for you, you get a free refund. They also have magic mind free, which is caffeine free. Which, if I'm being honest, I thought that was dumb. And now I'm obsessed. Right around two, three o' clock, when I want more brain power but not the caffeine that disrupts my sleep, I take a magic mind free. They also make magic mind max, which has more caffeine than the usual, which, I'm being honest, that's sometimes what I need. And I take one of those. They have something for everybody. They even have magic mind. For your sleep, go to magicmind.com weird and use the promo code weird at checkout. That's magicmind.com weird. For 20% off your first order, just use promo code weird at checkout. Spring is here, which is exciting. Windows open, fresh air, longer days.

[Pete Holmes]

It's beautiful.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

And then the bugs show up. We made pancakes as a family the other day. I thought that was cute. What wasn't so cute is we didn't clean up right away. Well, in fact, it took a day or maybe a day and a half to clean up. When we woke up, the whole kitchen was taken over by like a planet of ants. Like a whole civilization of ants taking over the house. It's like they had leadership. I think they had infrastructure. Here's the thing. One bug turns into hundreds real fast if you don't deal with it. Which is why I love pesi. Since we started using it, the bugs aren't just like gone. They're like m I A. They're like, see you later. And it was so easy. They send you a kit with everything. Pro grade treatment, sprayer mix, mixing bags, gloves, instructions. And you knock it out in like 10 minutes. It was so fast reading. It was like the hardest part. I was like, oh, I'm reading a couple words. Bang, I'm doing it. Bang. I'm done. They customize it to your location, where you are, your season and your bugs, and it actually works better than the watered down stuff at the store. Plus it is kid friendly and pet friendly and you don't have to schedule anything or have strangers in your house, which is a huge win. Other services charge hundreds. Pesti starts at just 35 bucks per treatment and they guarantee it 100% bug free or your money back. Get bugs out of your house with Pesti go to pesti.com weird for an extra 10% off your order. That's P-E-S-T-I-E.com weird for an extra 10 percent off. This episode is brought to us by the Apollo Neuro. My favorite game changing wearable piece of tech that has really helped me with my sleep. That was the main thing that I noticed right out of the box. Put it on and I was sleeping better. I used to think I was just bad at sleeping, thought I had to stretch or maybe meditate. Apollo basically does that for you. It tells your body with these almost sub perceptual vibrations on your wrist or on your ankle that your body is safe and it is okay to go to bed. It is chemical free. No pills, no grogginess. Just helping your body relax with basically digital touch like a virtual hug that tells your nervous system in the language that it speaks that you are safe and you are okay. I was skeptical at first, but I have worn it for years and just a few nights in I realized I was falling asleep. And because it's smart, it helps you stay asleep, meaning it will rerun the sleep program without you having to touch any buttons or do anything again. Because that's what the smart vibes AI is. It adjusts for you, especially at night so your body stays in sleep mode. It is a knockout. It is more like retraining your system how to rest and relax throughout the day and also at night so your body believes it is safe and your mind will follow. If you're someone who feels wired even when you're exhausted. This was huge for me. Go to ApolloNeuro.com weird to learn more and get $99 off. That's a P O L-L-O-N-E-U-R-O.com weird for 99 bucks off.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh so I don't know if I'm supposed to be talking about this because you're not supposed to talk about stuff, but also it doesn't matter and it's nice and it's small potatoes but like we're talking about Apatow. I messaged him.

[Pete Holmes]

It's applesauce.

[Rick Glassman]

I messaged him in 2021 asking to come on the podcast and he didn't see it or didn't respond and I noticed that he follows me and I messaged him again recently and I said hey, just wanted to check in every five years and he wrote me back and he's coming on.

[Pete Holmes]

That's great.

[Rick Glassman]

John Appetow, dude. I mean it's probably different for you because you're probably close to the same age. And also, you already worked with him, me and your friends.

[Pete Holmes]

Chad is a good decade older than me, but. Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

What are you. You're 35, he's 45. Whatever. It's like you guys are in your 30s and 40s. Anyway, I. I still have that thing where it's like, I've met him once when I auditioned for. I auditioned. Allison Jones brought me in.

[Pete Holmes]

You auditioned for Freaks and Geeks and Pieces of Shit?

[Rick Glassman]

No, I auditioned for the movie Trainwreck.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Rick Glassman]

And Allison Jones brought me in with Amy Schumer and Judd Apatow. And I just remember, Judd Apatow's door was really big in wood.

[Pete Holmes]

I also auditioned for this, and I

[Rick Glassman]

don't know if it was up between the movie scene.

[Pete Holmes]

What's that for her boyfriend.

[Rick Glassman]

It went to. It went.

[Pete Holmes]

Cena.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Who's also a dream guest of mine.

[Pete Holmes]

Cena is great.

[Rick Glassman]

He seems like such a kind man.

[Pete Holmes]

He seems like a Cena. He's great. Peacemaker was great, and he was great in training.

[Rick Glassman]

But it's funny to see something and be like, oh, they went the other direction.

[Pete Holmes]

When I saw that, I was like, do you ever do this? It might be a coping strategy, but I go, it was always Cena. They just had to. Due diligence. You know what I'm saying?

[Rick Glassman]

I think due diligence.

[Pete Holmes]

I know they had to do due diligence. They had to do their due diligence is what.

[Rick Glassman]

That's a good way of not making it sound like you're saying the word poop.

[Pete Holmes]

Do due diligence.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I gotta go do some due diligence. These ingredients.

[Rick Glassman]

Papa Jones. So anyway, I met Judd once. That was it. And I remember. I remember. And, like, whether I get it or not, like, holy. I'm here doing this.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

You know, I mean, yeah. 40 year old virgin knocked up funny people. Those aren't just three movies that he made.

[Pete Holmes]

Those 40 year old virgin knocked up funny people. That's super bad.

[Rick Glassman]

He didn't do super bad.

[Pete Holmes]

He produced it.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Different poster still in the office.

[Rick Glassman]

You know, I have. I was a series regular on three television shows, and two of them I'm on the poster. One of them I'm not. When I posted the poster on my Instagram, I took the poster and I added a photo of me from Getty Images in the corner as a joke.

[Pete Holmes]

The watermark.

[Rick Glassman]

No. Yeah. It had a barcode. I don't know if it was a Watermark. It had something on it. I don't think it said Getty Images, but it had, like, the.

[Pete Holmes]

It was.

[Rick Glassman]

I didn't do. I didn't make it look real, you know, but it could have.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

And I. In my mind, that's what the poster is. And I got the other posters. I don't have them framed, like. I don't have them up or anything, but I think, like, if ever to an office, it'd be cool to put those up. But I don't have the third one that I'm not in. I would have to get it. I don't know. I would ask for it. Maybe. Maybe they can make it. But if I did it, I would want to then also get that picture of me and cut it out and put it on.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a great idea. Which one is the one that you're not on the poster?

[Rick Glassman]

The most recent one was an ABC sitcom called Not Dead Yet.

[Pete Holmes]

You can just say, not dead yet. I'm a fan.

[Rick Glassman]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

The joke is no one knows that show.

[Rick Glassman]

I guess that's a joke.

[Pete Holmes]

The joke is no one's heard of that show.

[Rick Glassman]

I mean, more money on that show than any other job I've ever done.

[Pete Holmes]

I take it back. Can I be on that show?

[Rick Glassman]

I don't know if anybody. I'm just.

[Pete Holmes]

You're saying no one knows that show?

[Rick Glassman]

No, you said it. Judd wrote me. He goes, I loved you in that ABC show.

[Pete Holmes]

He did not.

[Rick Glassman]

No, of course not. But it was great. Everyone. I was. I was so glad.

[Pete Holmes]

I did a show on CBS called How We Roll. I was at Largo sold out, and I have a thing.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, you're embarrassed to say that it was sold out without referencing that. You know that you shouldn't have said it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Then why say it if you have you said it that much to have a thing. Why say it?

[Pete Holmes]

I agree. I completely agree.

[Rick Glassman]

Want me to tell you how you could say it to where it doesn't feel like that?

[Pete Holmes]

Please do it.

[Rick Glassman]

So I love Largo. It sells out there. It's. It's amazing. And I was at Largo.

[Pete Holmes]

That's great. Passive voice. Like, Largo sells out.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Not I sold it out. I mean, you did like the car crash. Not, I crashed the car. Passive voice, soft dick. What? I love when I get you. I love what I get you.

[Rick Glassman]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

All I want to say is the reason why I mentioned it was sold out for real is because there were a lot of people there, and somebody was like, I love how we roll. And I said, to crowd. How many people here know I was on a show called How We Roll? Zero.

[Rick Glassman]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a crazy thing.

[Rick Glassman]

But they're not there from that. No, because network sitcoms don't translate to people wanting to see you live, but it doesn't mean they don't love the show.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Rick Glassman]

That's right.

[Pete Holmes]

That's fair. So dead to Me. Great.

[Rick Glassman]

Not that yet.

[Pete Holmes]

Not dead yet. Dead to Me was another show, another Schumer.

[Rick Glassman]

Judd Abidjaw may have produced it.

[Pete Holmes]

Maybe. I'm glad Judd's gonna be on. I mean this sincerely.

[Rick Glassman]

That's a big one for me.

[Pete Holmes]

I look forward to listening to it because Judd is one of my closest friends. I love him to death, and I. I know he likes me. And you're like me, if I may.

[Rick Glassman]

I mean, especially in a situation like this, ipso facto, I'm your boss.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm your boss.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Ipso facto. Is that the office?

[Rick Glassman]

I think it's from Office Space.

[Pete Holmes]

Keep your head down. You'll be on the hot seat.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, that's the office.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

John Apatow is. Is one of the. One of those people where it's like. Like when I'm moving out here, and it would be like, hey, my cousin Pete's good friends with Judd Apatow. Hey, Pete, do you think Judge will, like, maybe meet me for, like, have coffee for an hour or something and just chat and then he. And then it happens.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

I think of my podcast like that sometimes. I. I'm gonna have a long form convergence. That's. That's what it is. And then, you know, people are going to watch it and hopefully that my skill set makes it enjoyable for them as well. And I think it will. But that's one of those podcasts where this is for me and I'll put the cameras on.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Like, this is. I want to ask you questions. I want to tell you things. I want to. I want to talk to you. And that's so cool.

[Pete Holmes]

I think he's gonna. If he doesn't already, he will really love you. I'm not just saying that.

[Rick Glassman]

Nice.

[Pete Holmes]

And I think you'll have a great time. What I was curious about, and one of the reasons I'll tune in, other than just pure enjoyment, is like, I wonder what his approach to you will be. If it'll be the quiet sort of like, I noticed that, you know, you do a lot of. You do a lot of things with

[Rick Glassman]

your heads versus being more playful or

[Pete Holmes]

being more of like a riffer. Like when Jim Gaffigan did your podcast. People play your podcast different ways, and none of them are wrong. But Jim. I only saw clips, but Jim was more like, wow, you're really. You're going nuts.

[Rick Glassman]

He did bits.

[Pete Holmes]

He did bits.

[Rick Glassman]

It was. It was not as many bits as it might be the second time we did it.

[Pete Holmes]

I see.

[Rick Glassman]

But it was definitely, definitely bits.

[Pete Holmes]

I wasn't dragging either of you. I just. Like when you put an apatow in a. Take your shoes off. I wonder. You put a homesy in there. I can't wait to just put my dick on every cake and go, like, which cake doesn't have my dick on it?

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. I think that when people come on the podcast, if they've even seen clips, there is a much greater chance that they are at least open. Yeah. And to doing bits.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

And. And sometimes people come in and the first half hour is just lots of bits, and then we calm down and we have a conversation, like what you and I do more often. Right. And then sometimes it's talking, and then. Then it's like. And then the bits start.

[Pete Holmes]

I liked when I did that meditation. I'm not trying to do that again, but that was a fun clip. You got great clips from us.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, I mean, you're. You've been on the podcast 4.

[Pete Holmes]

3.

[Rick Glassman]

I think it's 3. I think it's 3.

[Pete Holmes]

Would you rather never poop again or never sleep again? Your life is exactly this.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, scientifically, I would say I would. I can't go without sleeping, so I would want to sleep, and then I would have to find another way to poop. I would have to have some type of operation, you know, you would want

[Pete Holmes]

to bring pooping back.

[Rick Glassman]

What's that?

[Pete Holmes]

What I'm saying is this is a magical scenario. Either you don't sleep anymore because you don't have to, or you don't poop anymore because you don't have to.

[Rick Glassman]

So I want to ask you. So I'm still getting everything I need out of having slept. So it's not that I'm not sleeping. It's almost. How about this? It's almost like I only need to sleep for one minute, and I get a full charge.

[Pete Holmes]

That's fine if that's what. I don't know why we're doing.

[Rick Glassman]

I just want to make sure. Because never sleeping.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, you're up all night, but you feel fantastic.

[Rick Glassman]

I don't understand that. Would offer you an extra eight hours a day where pooping would only offer you an extra three Hours a day.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, but it's not about time. It's like, if you really would like to never wipe your ass again, I don't.

[Rick Glassman]

I don't mind. I'm grateful. When I have to get to wipe my ass, I'm grateful you're glad to be in the. I took a shit this morning. Tell me, honest to goodness, if this were something that people would enjoy, I would be posting this.

[Pete Holmes]

The picture of it. Yeah, well, that's one of the considerations. So let's say never sleep again is the winner there.

[Rick Glassman]

Pooping is not that much of an inconvenience.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, how about you never have to poop again and you can dry off instantly by touching your nose?

[Rick Glassman]

Dude, that's like saying, would you rather have. Would you rather have a billion dollars or every time you came, it. It lasted an extra second? Say, I'll take the latter if that's all that's offered to me. But I'm fine coming the way I'm coming and driving off the way I'm driving off.

[Pete Holmes]

Flight or invisibility, then?

[Rick Glassman]

Flight. I mean, sure, the only reason you want to be invisible is to go in a girl's locker room in high school, if I could fly, those girls would be giving me their tits. Eleanor Roosevelt. Yeah, flight. I think if people would rather be invisible, it's for malice.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's. It's the sneak.

[Rick Glassman]

No, it doesn't have to be.

[Pete Holmes]

But you can also rob a bank. You can also, like.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, but if you could fly, you could rob a bank.

[Pete Holmes]

You could spy on people.

[Rick Glassman]

If you could fly, you don't let anyone know you fly and you just get in the NFL. You know, you can make money being an athlete with that kind of shit.

[Pete Holmes]

That's true. But if you can fly and you're not going to be able to resist flying, the government's going to be after you. They're going to want to know how you're flying.

[Rick Glassman]

They're not going to know.

[Pete Holmes]

Why not?

[Rick Glassman]

Because while they're busy sleeping and pooping

[Pete Holmes]

and coming, you need to sleep.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, but what I'm saying, I'll do all the sleeping.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, I heard about a guy who had like a Lamborghini and the way that he would open her up, as they say, is he'd drive it at night with his lights off, wearing night vision goggles.

[Rick Glassman]

So dangerous.

[Pete Holmes]

Stupid buddy. There's no community I relate to less than the muscle car. Where I live, people like muscle car around. You see the skid marks all over things.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, I guess they're not. I guess they're not sleeping then.

[Pete Holmes]

It's very good.

[Rick Glassman]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

We both saw that it was there.

[Rick Glassman]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

They didn't get rid of the poops because they still got the skit marks. I'm just stepping it out for some of us.

[Rick Glassman]

I think you're stepping it out. I think you're stepping out to let me know that you saw it too. It's kind of like letting me know that they sold out at the Largo. Yeah. It's interesting for somebody who is as confident as you how much you feel the need to let people know that you are.

[Pete Holmes]

Know that.

[Rick Glassman]

Were you a hyper vigilant as a kid? You sleeping with his eyes open? Major pain. Do you remember that movie, Damon Wayans? Yeah. And he would sleep with his eyes open. He trained himself because he was in the military to sleep with his eyes open.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Rick Glassman]

And you go like. And the kids would see him there like this. And then they would go closer to me.

[Pete Holmes]

I. Look, no disrespect to Damon Wayans.

[Rick Glassman]

I don't think you can, but I

[Pete Holmes]

feel like that's something that's way funnier in person. For example, remember the Puppet Town murders or whatever it was. Happy Town murders.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

I know there was a movie Melissa McCarthy did where it was puppets. It's like a dead. Like, it's a great pitch. I would buy it. It's Melissa McCarthy's A Detective. There's a murder in, like, a real life Muppet Town. Somebody's murdered. So it's like this movie where it's, like, gritty. Like nypd, but like even more gritty puppets. But it's puppet, so it's like dead serious. Right. But the problem is, and I'm not saying it's exclusive to this movie, puppets are way funnier in person than they are on film.

[Rick Glassman]

One could argue. And I haven't seen this. Then the execution was done wrong because that's. That's. That could work. What's the execution if the movie wasn't good because it wasn't that funny?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I don't know if it was or wasn't. I just know that people don't.

[Rick Glassman]

Because maybe you don't make it funny. Similar to the drama where I'm just reading the Book of Suits. The only joke is the fact that they are puppets. Yeah. But it is on its own if you replace the puppets in the script with real people. It's a suspense. Real great movie if you write it that way.

[Pete Holmes]

I just heard that on the set. Somebody I. I Guess I knew. Knew somebody that worked on that movie and they said takes upon takes upon takes were ruined because people couldn't stop laughing. Because people love puppets. It's very similar to improv. You film improv, you put it on tv, nobody gives a. Puppets are the improv of the felt world.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. But I do think that that point of view is from people who are talking out of their ass.

[Pete Holmes]

That's very good.

[Rick Glassman]

It's all right. Because the hands up.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That is like, if you're a ventriloquist, that's your bargain bin, kind of.

[Rick Glassman]

I use a puppet on stage.

[Pete Holmes]

The guy with my hand up his ass.

[Rick Glassman]

I use a puppet on stage. Puppet Rick. Honestly. Really? Yeah, really. Really?

[Pete Holmes]

What does he do?

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, I don't want to tell you because it's part of my. Part of my act, but what's your code? I don't post much anymore, but me. The hashtag was me and my puppet. You're searching for Ash, Rick. Yeah, because I used to hashtag because I would travel a lot with my puppet and he's a carry on,

[Pete Holmes]

Richard.

[Rick Glassman]

What is. I couldn't help but notice we have

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

a very similar look.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, really?

[Pete Holmes]

Maybe that's because we're supposed to look the same.

[Rick Glassman]

You ever think about that, numbskull? Hey, that was when I was first starting out. That was when I was first starting out. But I got better.

[Pete Holmes]

I really liked that. It's a photograph.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, they're mostly all photographs.

[Pete Holmes]

It's funny to put up a mic and look.

[Rick Glassman]

I went to London.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow. Do you do international gigs?

[Rick Glassman]

You tell me.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, looks like you do in Anchorage. That's. Anchorage is in Alaska, though.

[Rick Glassman]

Yes, but technically it's not, you know, continental.

[Pete Holmes]

Freak states. That's a Simpsons joke. Hawaii and Alaska.

[Rick Glassman]

The freak states.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's close this out. Have you ever seen a ghost?

[Rick Glassman]

Not that I'm aware of.

[Pete Holmes]

Ufo.

[Rick Glassman]

Unidentifiable to me.

[Pete Holmes]

Alien.

[Rick Glassman]

You know, in a sense.

[Pete Holmes]

If you could push a button and be really, really jacked, would you do it? Yes. Really?

[Rick Glassman]

I have a shoulder issue I've been dealing with for 20 years and I'm still trying to figure stuff out. And I'm now considering peptides because everyone's talking about. I just had a meeting with somebody recently. I can't be in the weight room the way I used to, and I want to. And I used to not be jacked, but, like, I was confident. I looked. If I. If I took my shirt off, you'd be like, oh, awesome. Without, like, it being like, Perfect.

[Pete Holmes]

The perfect level. Just. Oh, awesome. Not. Jesus Christ.

[Rick Glassman]

Nowhere near that. Yeah, before. There's more after. Oh, whoa. It's funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Funny that we talked about Gosling because in Crazy Sexy, I call it Crazy Sexy Love. It's stupid. When he takes his shirt off, he's so jacked that it's like, it's almost.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, that's it. He did it for the movie. You know, like, that's not his day to day, but I. But I think so. I bet his day to day is. Is not far off. Hugh Jackman says that, you know, it's much easier to maintain than to get in shape, so you just kind of stay there, you know? Look at Kumal now. Not the. No, he's a guy I went to high school with. And I'll send you a picture. He used to be really skinny, and then he got really strong because he was. He was in this superhero play in school.

[Pete Holmes]

Kumal.

[Rick Glassman]

Kumal. You don't know him. And now he's still really strong, but also like.

[Pete Holmes]

What.

[Rick Glassman]

How does that jaw look? Like that? What? How's that jaw look? Like that.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you mean?

[Rick Glassman]

This kid, I went to high school named Kamala.

[Pete Holmes]

And why is his jaw now his

[Rick Glassman]

jaw looks like Mr. Incredible. And before he had his jaw look good. But it wasn't that.

[Pete Holmes]

What are you inferring? No, you imply. I infer. I forget how it works.

[Rick Glassman]

I don't. I. I struggled with an analogy and metaphor for a moment, but I know that I'm implying.

[Pete Holmes]

You're implying it. What are you hoping that I'm implying

[Rick Glassman]

it based off of what I inferred?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Which was his jawline was a certain way. And when he pushed a button and got in great shape, I'm surprised at how it made it so much stronger. Not stronger. So much stronger.

[Pete Holmes]

But that's. Isn't your skeleton very, very angular and strong? And if you expose in it.

[Rick Glassman]

What do you guys think?

[Pete Holmes]

Let me know in his comments.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, go over to one of my

[Pete Holmes]

episodes with Pete, but leave a comment about this episode. Yes, Rick. So you would want to be super jacked.

[Rick Glassman]

I'd like to be. I'd like to be strong.

[Pete Holmes]

Would you rather have sex every day

[Rick Glassman]

already the other one. Unless it's bad.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh. Or sex once a week. But it's spectacular.

[Rick Glassman]

Is having sex every day offer at least once a week. That spectacular as well.

[Pete Holmes]

It can be as spectacular as you make it.

[Rick Glassman]

So then I guess I don't want to feel obligated to have sex.

[Pete Holmes]

You're gonna feel obligated okay.

[Rick Glassman]

If I feel obligated to have sex, is it okay if I don't do it?

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Rick Glassman]

There's some days you just can't have sex. Then I guess once a week. But if I'm in a relationship with somebody, chances are we're gonna be having spectacular sex.

[Pete Holmes]

Nice.

[Rick Glassman]

I don't want to. I don't want to have to do it just once a week.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, but you can save it all up for that once. And you can do it on any day. The week starts Monday. So you could do it on Sunday and then do it again on Monday.

[Rick Glassman]

Right. Does your week start Monday or Sunday to you?

[Pete Holmes]

My week starts Monday.

[Rick Glassman]

I think you're wrong. And let me tell you why. Weekends. What are the weekends for me?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I know where you. I think I know what you're getting at.

[Rick Glassman]

But tell me, what are your weekends?

[Pete Holmes]

My weekends are the weekends.

[Rick Glassman]

What are the weekends?

[Pete Holmes]

Friday, Saturday, Sunday.

[Rick Glassman]

So there's three ends. So is a week a triangle missing a bottom, Whatever the geometric shape is, there's only two ends. There's two ends to a week. There's two ends. How many ends are there to this microphone?

[Pete Holmes]

Three.

[Rick Glassman]

There's two. Now, you could argue is the end here or is the end at the end of the wire, but nevertheless, I only saw the first season and I didn't connect to it. There's two ends. So considering that there's two ends, looking at a calendar, an American Gregorial calendar. Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday. Here's an end. And here's an end. I think of the weekends as Saturday. Sunday.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait. Oh, I see what you're saying.

[Rick Glassman]

End.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

They're two weekends.

[Pete Holmes]

So Saturday, Sunday is the weekend.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. There are two ends to the week. Monday through Friday is the work week.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Rick Glassman]

And then there's the weekends. Sunday is the beginning of the week. So Sunday is the day before your work week. I think Saturday's the day at the end of your work.

[Pete Holmes]

I understand that.

[Rick Glassman]

So when somebody.

[Pete Holmes]

So when it's Saturday, looking at them like bookends.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You want a Saturday here and you want a Sunday here. Sure, I understand.

[Rick Glassman]

Now, if it's Friday and I. And we're gonna get together on Monday, I'll say, see you next week. If it's Sunday and we're gonna get together Monday, I'll say, I'll see you this week.

[Pete Holmes]

I like that. I've. I'm one over.

[Rick Glassman]

One over what?

[Pete Holmes]

One.

[Rick Glassman]

One.

[Pete Holmes]

W, O, N ends, E, N, D, S. Weekends.

[Rick Glassman]

How else do you think it was? Weekends? What else was the S there for? Just because there's three of them. So you're pluralizing three ends.

[Pete Holmes]

It's two. Two, like bookends.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. And Sunday, in biblical terms was the

[Pete Holmes]

seventh day of the week.

[Rick Glassman]

So that's where it maybe contradicts.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait.

[Rick Glassman]

Which would make that the weekend.

[Pete Holmes]

No, in. Ray Charles has that song every Saturday night. And he goes, Saturday is the 6th, is the 6 day. No.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, anyway, thanks for having me. I'm sure you saw that coming.

[Pete Holmes]

I think he. In that song, he's implying that Sunday is the first day of the week.

[Rick Glassman]

You know, my grandpa is on a Ray Charles song.

[Pete Holmes]

What is his name?

[Rick Glassman]

Sid Feller. He arranged and produced most of his music. And there's a song called Deep in the Heart of Texas where you can actually hear my grandpa talking on. It's really cool. Deep in the heart of Texas. Ray Charles. You might have to edit some of this out, but you could do a second of it. That's my grandpa. It is. So.

[Pete Holmes]

And Ray was. Was like, leave that goofy guy.

[Rick Glassman]

No, it's part of it. It's part of it. He's producing it.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I know, but so he. Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

So just a little. A little. A little. I do this all the time. You'll. On my microphone. You'll just keep in a couple seconds right before and while he says the words, and then you'll cut my microphone. You'll hear a little bit in there. It's fine if we have to change the frequency. And if you need the rights, I'll talk to the label.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, your grandfather produced it.

[Rick Glassman]

We should be able to get it. He did. In Georgia. He did. He arranged all the strings for the orchestra. It's amazing. My grandpa used to do orchestra arrangements without instruments. Like, he would just sit there on a plane and just on. On paper, just write all the stuff. Isn't that cool?

[Pete Holmes]

That is very cool.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And now you just play grab ass on YouTube.

[Rick Glassman]

I don't get it. I don't get it. I'm sorry. I'm sure it's funny. I just don't get it.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it was mean. It was like he was doing more than you're doing.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, he did a lot more than I did.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. Me too.

[Rick Glassman]

I still think you'd be proud of me.

[Pete Holmes]

He is. Would you? Rick, the whole time I talked about how much I love you and. Thank you.

[Rick Glassman]

We didn't talk about how much my grandpa loved me. Is that what you're gonna say?

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

But we didn't even touch how much your grandpa loves you.

[Podcast Host/Announcer]

I love you so much.

[Pete Holmes]

And you have this podcast every six weeks. Please, Too much. Maybe at least every six months. Great. I'll be on yours very, very soon. And we'll eat weed. Yeah, that's what I was gonna say to close that loop. When I eat weed and I get riffing too hard, I'll go like this.

[Rick Glassman]

We're gonna put your microphone out a lot, but I'll go like this, which

[Pete Holmes]

is what you did, which is like a manic add. It's the sound of like when you realize you've been going too fast, too hard, too long. Which is a Daft Punk song. It's acoustic. Say, keep it crispy and we're out of here.

[Rick Glassman]

Keep it crispy.

[Pete Holmes]

You're better than that.

[Rick Glassman]

Okay, dude, will you edit out the first half?

[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]

Want to listen to your favorite Lemonada shows without the ads? Subscribe to Lemonada Premium on Apple Podcasts. You'll get ad free episodes and exclusive bonus content from shows like Wiser Than Me with Julia Louis Dreyfus, Fail Better with David Duchovny, the Sarah Silverman podcast, and so many more. It's a great way to support the work we do and treat yourself to a smoother, uninterrupted listening experience. Just head to any Lemonada show, feed on Apple Podcasts and hit subscribe. Make Life Suck Less with Fewer Ads With Lemonada Premium, are you looking for ways to make your everyday life happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative? I'm Gretchen Rubin, the number one bestselling author of the Happiness Project, bringing you fresh insights and practical solutions. Solutions in the Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast, My co host and happiness guinea pig is my sister, Elizabeth Kraft. That's me, Elizabeth Kraft, a TV writer and producer in Hollywood. Join us as we explore ideas and hacks about cultivating happiness and good habits. Check out Happier with Gretchen Rubin from Lemonada Media.