Rob Riggle

Summary

Podcast Title: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
Host: Pete Holmes
Guest: Rob Riggle
Release Date: November 13, 2024

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1. Introduction and Background

The episode kicks off with Pete Holmes introducing Rob Riggle, highlighting his multifaceted career as a comedian, actor, and former Marine. Rob mentions his appearances on "The Daily Show," "Step Brothers," and "The Other Guys," emphasizing his comedic talent and dedication to his craft.

"I am also on tour. The Feeling Tour... we are going to be filming those shows."
— [00:15] Rob Riggle

2. Military Experiences

Rob shares an intriguing story from his time in the Marines during a deployment in Kosovo. He narrates the challenges of maintaining discipline among media personnel accompanying the convoy. The strict regulations around noise and lighting are discussed, highlighting the tension between military protocol and the behavior of the media team.

"One of the reasons they updated it, because the old one used to gunk up a little bit more."
— [02:08] Rob Riggle

3. UFO Encounters

Rob recounts a mysterious event during his deployment where he and a cameraman witnessed an unexplained light display along the ridgeline. Despite their skepticism, the spectacle left a lasting impression, blending military duty with the unknown.

"All of a sudden, the whole ridge line lights up, but in blue and red and white lights like I've never seen before."
— [32:03] Rob Riggle

He also shares an anecdote from his time as a pilot, observing a P40 aircraft that defied his expectations by not following standard communication protocols, adding to his collection of unexplained experiences.

"It's the ufo, man. I go, what? That's not a ufo."
— [34:11] Rob Riggle

4. Aging and Self-Care

The conversation shifts to the realities of aging, with both Pete and Rob reflecting on how their bodies and routines have changed over time. They discuss the importance of morning routines, including practices like cold plunges, meditation, and disciplined habits to maintain physical and mental health.

"If you can laugh about it later, you probably could laugh about it now."
— [25:25] Rob Riggle

Rob details his structured morning routine, balancing physical discomfort with mental resilience, and emphasizes the role of discipline in overcoming challenges.

"Nobody wants to get in that cold water."
— [74:01] Rob Riggle

5. Personal Struggles and Therapy

Rob opens up about his recent divorce, describing it as a deeply painful and ongoing process. He delves into the emotional turmoil and the necessity of personal growth through self-reflection and therapy. The importance of having supportive friends and professional help is underscored as he navigates this challenging period.

"I'm wounded deeper than I've ever been wounded before. And I'm incredibly, I wrestle with so many emotions on a daily basis now."
— [22:06] Rob Riggle

6. Comedy and Performances

Rob and Pete discuss the intricacies of stand-up comedy, drawing parallels between his military experiences and the performative aspects of comedy. They explore the vulnerability involved in standing on stage and the adrenaline rush similar to high-stakes situations.

"Just if you're going to do military things, yes, there's a lot of discomfort. That means a lot of..."
— [76:28] Rob Riggle

Rob shares his admiration for improvisational comedy, particularly his experience while filming "Step Brothers," where much of the humor was derived from spontaneous interactions and genuine reactions.

"Step Brothers to me was this wonderful moment of improv... a little improvising and..."
— [114:17] Rob Riggle

7. Reflections on Life and Relationships

The dialogue turns introspective as Rob reflects on the lessons learned from his father, affectionately nicknamed "Smiling Bob." He emphasizes the power of a genuine smile and positive interactions in building meaningful relationships, both personally and professionally.

"Start every interaction... put a smile on your face and your interaction will go infinitely better."
— [82:53] Rob Riggle

They also touch upon the challenges of maintaining authenticity in the entertainment industry, advocating for honesty and self-improvement while navigating societal pressures and personal aspirations.

"I'm going to try. I'm really going to step forward with my best self."
— [88:29] Rob Riggle

8. Closing Thoughts

As the episode wraps up, Rob and Pete engage in lighthearted banter, reflecting on their shared experiences and the importance of discipline, resilience, and maintaining a positive outlook despite life's adversities.

"Keep it crispy."
— [124:35] Rob Riggle

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Key Takeaways

• Balancing Disciplines: Rob's journey from Marine to comedian illustrates the importance of discipline and resilience in both military and creative fields.

• Embracing Vulnerability: The episode highlights how embracing vulnerability on stage parallels the openness required in personal growth and healing.

• Positive Interactions: Lessons from Rob's father emphasize the significance of genuine smiles and positive interactions in building strong relationships.

• Navigating Adversity: Rob's candid discussion about his divorce underscores the necessity of self-reflection, therapy, and supportive relationships in overcoming personal challenges.

Notable Quotes

• "I think everything I do need purpose to have a fulfilled life."
  — [14:06] Rob Riggle

• "Fear is the enemy."
  — [42:58] Rob Riggle

• "Worry is praying to the devil."
  — [53:05] Rob Riggle

• "Do not worry. Do not be afraid."
  — [53:28] Rob Riggle

• "That's the essence of it, because fear is the enemy."
  — [53:05] Rob Riggle

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This episode offers a deep dive into Rob Riggle's multifaceted life, blending humor with profound reflections on personal growth, resilience, and the complexities of navigating both military and entertainment landscapes.

Transcript

[A]

You made it with. You made it with. You made it with. Oh, yeah, you made it with. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[B]

What's happening, weirdos? Rob Riggle. Long overdue. So glad that this wonderful man is here on the show. This wonderful man. But he is wonderful. He's hilarious, he's talented. You may know him from the Daily Show. Step brothers. Step brothers, anybody? All of those. The other guys. He's incredible. He's so funny. He's an ex Marine. He's a current comedian. Go to rob riggle.com for all your Rob Riggle needs or follow him on Instagram and X and all of that to see what Rob is up to. He's so funny. And you're going to see in this wonderful conversation. Not a lot for me to say up top. Only that I am also on tour. The Feeling Tour. We are going to be in Raleigh, North Carolina. Uh, I'm gonna be at Los Angeles, Largo. I'm glad that's on my website. November 21st is the next Largo show. Usually I say go to largo-la.com, but you can go to pete holmes.com. there it is. I don't know who did that, but thank you, L.A. on November 21st. That's always so fun. Indianapolis, Seattle, Portland. We added a second show in Portland at the Aladdin. We're gonna be filming those shows. Hope you guys can be there. And then Phoenix, Arizona. The only reason I skipped Eugene, Oregon. I'm coming. But it's. It's sold out. Thank you to everybody that's coming out to these shows. Hope to see you out on the road. So happy you're here. Enjoy the wonderful Rob Riggle. Get into it. So you have a choice to make.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

A little bit older.

[A]

This is how it always shows up for me.

[B]

You drink this. Well, this is the new formula. This is the old formula. One of the reasons they updated it, because the old one used to gunk up a little bit more.

[A]

I'll stay with the new.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I'm not gonna roll a dice on.

[B]

Something like this, but the old one had a little bit of cocaine in it. People don't know that. I'm glad you know it, because as an improviser. Look, this isn't sponsorship talk. I wanna talk about this. Okay, take the mic then, because.

[A]

Are we rolling?

[B]

We're rolling. No, that's a sabotage. It's a sabotage. Maureen.

[A]

Oh, my God. You guys will play like out of the gates. Wait, were we recording on the driveway?

[B]

There has to be a tactical Term for that. Like, we swarm in. Well, we do want the guest in a nice direct action mission.

[A]

This is a direct action.

[B]

A direct action mission. I'm going to be Marine light on this. I watch a lot of clips and so many people just want to talk to you about Marine stuff. So I'm going to give you my promise that will be comedy heavy and rob heavy and not burden you with representing the Marines in return. But there is, if you'll allow, please, a friendly tactical advantage to disorienting the guest a little bit.

[A]

Yes. Yes.

[B]

A little bit.

[A]

Yes, you. Well, because, you know, it's your interview, it's your show, therefore, you know, you kind of want to be able to drive it. You're. You're driving the bus.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

So, you know, I'm just a passenger. So sit down, relax. And now we're gonna go here. But I don't know where you're turning. I don't know where you're going.

[B]

And there is the slightest. And again, it's all friendly. But there's the slightest. And yes, we are going.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In the same way that when you go to Disneyland, like, a wall opens and you're like, this is the ride. Like, it's to delight you and make you happy. But Walt Disney was definitely twisting his mustache, being like. And the children won't know the floor. You ever been on the Haunted Mansion? And the room starts expanding. They want you out of your gourd.

[A]

So I just went to a haunted house with Paul Scheer, who always drives these things. He's very. He's so motivated. I love that guy. He's like the social chairman into the.

[B]

World because he just knows.

[A]

He knows what's going on. Because have you heard about this? I'm like, no, I haven't heard about this. You got to try this guy I know well. He found a haunted house out by my house out way out there.

[B]

I'm going to pause.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Real or for entertainment?

[A]

For entertainment. But it was one of those things where I. I walked into one of the rooms and the room spins like this, but it's a bridge through it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And if you take your eye off the bridge and look at the spinning. This is weird.

[B]

I was just on one of those.

[A]

All of a sudden. I mean, I was upside. If I didn't have a hold of that railing, I just was in.

[B]

It doesn't matter. But I was in some city. It was Denver, okay. And we went to the Museum of Illusions or something. And one of them was Trippy you went in and when you're standing outside of it, I just did this. You're standing outside of it. You're like, oh, I can see there's a projection.

[A]

I can manage this.

[B]

Of a spin. And then you walk in the room. As soon as you're in the room, your revealed to be the delicate crystalline water based equilibrium. Pathetic mammal that you are.

[A]

Yeah, it's really. It was all encompassing.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because I was fine on the outside. I saw what I was going into. I was like, I got this. I got into it took my eye and I had a hold of the railing. Thank God.

[B]

I thought the railing was dumb. Did you also think it was dumb?

[A]

That was childish.

[B]

I thought it was for the children.

[A]

Yeah, that's for the. Yes. The weak ones in the herd.

[B]

It's for the weak of the herd. Those that shall not be breeded with. For they are slowing us down.

[A]

And thank God I had a hold of it because as soon as I took my eye off and looked to my left, right. I got caught up in the spin.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And I went upside down in my head. I mean I was.

[B]

I mean, wow, you got.

[A]

God, I had a hold of that thing.

[B]

See, yours was intended for horror. Mine was at a setting that's for children and elderly. So you might have even been at a scarier spin setting.

[A]

I was glad to get through the other side, let me put it that way. Because I had to. I immediately had to close my eyes just to get centered again.

[B]

It's very strange how our brains are building reality and how even if you know it's a projection, you're like, there's you. There's like your highest cognition that knows it's a projection. But there's another meaning, reality building part of your brain that is just like. Sorry guys. Like, he's kind of embarrassed. Yeah, I know you told me it's a projection, but I think we're spinning 360 and that's the message I'm going to send to you even though you told me it's not.

[A]

And we live in this world too where we. We know all the stuff we know. I know that if I sit down and get on social media and start doing this right, I'm in for an hour. Okay. And. And I've lost that hour. And then I hate myself afterwards.

[B]

You won't feel better. No, no, you won't feel better.

[A]

It's all bad and I know it. Yes.

[B]

And yet.

[A]

But the dopamine hit I get from it is so strong.

[B]

And the Dopamine seeking impulse that it's so strong.

[A]

So I know, I know there's fake news. I know there's social. I know all these things, but I'm telling you, I still like a pad, like a dog, like a rat to a feeder bar. I go back and I hit that goddamn thing.

[B]

And I think that's key, the human being's propensity, dare we say, for self deception and also like enjoying kind of the wicked art.

[A]

Escape. We want to escape now.

[B]

We do.

[A]

Everybody does. Because we're overwhelmed. We live in a world we've never lived in before, where we have all. Everything at our disposal, all this knowledge at our disposal. And it's wonderful.

[B]

Question. That's the right answer. That's right. It's all wonderful.

[A]

It's wonderful. I know there's an upside that. Great. I don't know if we. I don't know if we've explored or really understand the depth of the downside.

[B]

Yeah. You ever get off social media and immediately want a piece of cake or something because the dopamine is still. You've just been.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's really humbling to recognize how. Rat. When I say rat, I don't mean, you know, metaphorically, like, you're sneaky. I just mean like you are like a rat. You were given an imp in a lab. You're giving an impetus, a stimulus.

[A]

I hit the feeder bar and I got.

[B]

And that's us. The reason why they. They won't stop testing rats is because it's so accurate for us. And when I get off of a scroll and then I. I'm looking for cake or some other continu. It's the same with standup. You do a great set. That's why there was such a coke problem. And drinking problem is like you're looking for a way to extend it.

[A]

Same thing with a good golf shot.

[B]

Is that true?

[A]

Oh, if you hit it right in the center and it crushes the ball and the ball goes further than you, it resonates. It's like a fording tuning fork down to your loins.

[B]

I mean, it really is straight to the lines.

[A]

You go, oh, I want that feeling again. And you come back and you chase it.

[B]

And that's what those men are doing.

[A]

And that's why you're hooked on golf. And you're like, I'm pouring money in this. You play terrible, but you get one shot around that. You're like, oh, that.

[B]

But I wonder how many things are addiction.

[A]

Here's the upside.

[B]

Not in a bad way. Go ahead.

[A]

Here's the upside to social media. I was minding my own business and I saw you talk about this.

[B]

I sold it to you.

[A]

You sold. Only because now I have, I do have a deep respect for you.

[B]

It's sincere.

[A]

I have a deep respect for you. So when I heard you wax poetic about this, I really thought, I go, what the is he talking about? Yeah, and there must be something to it. So I immediately went on. I got, I got on, yes. And they started sending it to me. Right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Well, the thing is, is I get busy doing social media.

[B]

I'm looking for cake, looking for shit of a classic dad ass scratch in.

[A]

A robe, you know, getting things told to me that I already know. And like, you know, that's right.

[B]

Oh my God, Yes.

[A]

But I did see this and now I get it every month. Right. But the problem is I'm behind. So you have a lot of stacking up on me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So they thank God though. You know what I like about them the most? Yeah. They write me and say, we're about to send you a new batch. What do you want us to do?

[B]

You can tell.

[A]

And I go, oh, can you please hold it for a month? I go, yeah, we'll hold it so I can get a month off to cancel.

[B]

I want every company to do this.

[A]

Because this was the smartest thing. Cause that's why I'm still with them. Otherwise I would have canceled.

[B]

I think, look, I'm one of those people, I hope people are interested in this. I think business is really interesting. I think the psychology of business is really interesting. And there are two ways to do it. You ever try to unsubscribe from a crooked company and by crooked I mean they know.

[A]

Yeah, they know. They give you a matrix or a maze. Yeah, it's a maze to get through.

[B]

Dude, I was trying to.

[A]

And it's double speak and it's, it's yes. So am I unsubscribed or am I not?

[B]

And it's in a field and it's not in a field. And I'm trying to think of my mother, my 80 something year old mother, she's 83, let's say, of course, looking for that. She's not going to do it. Nobody is going to get frustrated. But here's the thing, you're like, your relationship with that product is actually going down. So it's like, yeah, you're keeping a customer, but you're actually building. It's like a toxic relationship. Now you're still together. Cause you said, let's break up with the Space Needle, and then you weren't there.

[A]

They resent you, and now they hate you. It's toxic.

[B]

It's still coming.

[A]

That's a great way to put it. It's a toxic relationship.

[B]

And the next time their grandson is over, they're not only gonna unsubscribe, they're gonna ask for a refund for the last one. Cause fuck you, dude. Like, seriously.

[A]

Fuck.

[B]

You know where it was? I couldn't find the. And I consider myself. I think we all do. Like, we all think we're good drivers. I think I'm a good web navigator. It was behind a popup.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

Meaning they were hiding the unsubscribe button behind a field that I had to close. And then I could see the unsubscribe button. And I was like, I'll never work with you again. And there's a couple companies. Magic Mind is one of them. Real Paper is another one that will text you and say, it's coming. Do you want it?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And just press the pause.

[A]

Are we good this month?

[B]

Do you want to pause?

[A]

Yeah. It's nice, too, because I've been traveling so much this year that I literally was like, I'm not going to be in town for a month. So I'm like, no. And they go, got it. And then it pauses. And then I'll come back. How about now? I go, no. And then they go, okay. And then it gets like. Like the 90 day mark or whatever. They go, how about now? I'm like, actually, yeah, I'll take this.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because I'm ready for it now. I'm caught up. And that's. And that's why I'm still with them. Like, two years into this.

[B]

It should be easy. But nobody wants to do this. People all want short money.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where they're just like. But we can get the $30 by confusing them. And good companies. Not just this one, but, like, good companies. I do think of places like Disney and stuff that have these, like, Four Seasons. Do you know the policy of the Four Seasons is to never say no? Have you ever said, like, if I ever get put up in a Four Seasons, I like this. I'm very aware that, like, their corporate policy is to never say no.

[A]

Did an employee tell you that or.

[B]

Did you told me that?

[A]

I like that.

[B]

I just. I did a junket and it was at the Four Seasons, and I said, can I get a room?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I didn't want to commute. And they said, yes. And I was like, ordering room service and stuff. And they came and I. I made some, like, modification to the meal, and I was surprised that they could do it. And the guy was like, we never say no. That's our policy. Meaning if you say, I want a crab meat omelet, they don't say, we don't have crab meat. But. But here's kind of the. The. The twist or the catch.

[A]

Because there has to be an out for them some way. Otherwise it gets obnoxious.

[B]

The out is, are you willing to wait six hours? Because we'll go to downtown to the crab market, like, and then also we're going to charge the shit out of.

[A]

Right, right, right, right. We'll say yes, but at a premium. At a premium.

[B]

Like.

[A]

But I guess there's something to it, though. I mean, I guess if you got the. If you're that kind of client who's got the juice.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess, you know, they are the eccentric billionaire client.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean? And they are the ones. And then they don't even want it. You know, they don't. They. You find the crab. Crab meat omelet in the room. Two bites.

[A]

I never understood this. The super special. The super special request to the.

[B]

Yeah, well, that's. There was a Hitchcock movie where a woman puts her cigarette out in her cold cream. And it's just like, that's always the image that I. That I see of the very rich. But we're back to the meaningless.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

When, like, getting what you want isn't the meaning of life. It's actually. And I'm not saying this is the meaning of life, but it's much closer to struggling, falling, fumbling, uniting with others, achieving a goal together and then getting this fulfillment. You know this from standup. And I know we're going to be Marine light, but I have to imagine, you know that from the Marines.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Was your feeling.

[A]

I think everything I do think you have to have purpose to have a fulfilled life. And I think you. I think that the most satisfaction in life usually is on the other side of some sort of struggle.

[B]

Something you didn't want.

[A]

Some sort of.

[B]

Every time.

[A]

Some sort of struggle, though.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Whatever that is.

[B]

I like to. The reason I say don't want. I say what you want is on the other side of something you don't want. Right. Joseph Campbell said, the treasure you seek is in the cave you're afraid to go. This is one of the weirdest little, like, paradoxes or conundrums is better Built into the human experience.

[A]

It's interesting, though, because I've been. I've. And I'm not going to drill down too deep on it, but I've been in a. I've been in a Hurt locker for the last several years.

[B]

Yeah. I actually just saw this morning that you got divorced, and I'm sorry.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is that where you're referencing? I'm not. This isn't that kind of show.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Anything you want, even in a week that you want to take out, we'll take. It's your episode.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So please feel safe. Well, I saw that, and I felt for you. It seems like a pickle.

[A]

It's been mad. It's been really, really painful. Really painful.

[B]

Would you say it's a pickle?

[A]

I would say it's a pickle. A hot box, you know, one of those. It's a pickle.

[B]

It's a hot box pickle.

[A]

Yeah. It's like a baseball. We need to chat between second and third because it never ends. That's a pickle. Like that.

[B]

It's a baseball pickle.

[A]

Yeah. No, it's just a nightmare is what it is. But it's been really painful. But as part of this, and I'm still in it, but you.

[B]

You.

[A]

You. You kind of have to grow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's no way around it. And you have to reflect. If you're. I think if you're trying to improve yourself, you have to reflect and say, okay, you know, let me. Let me strip it all down. Yeah. And go back to. Okay. Okay. I got this wrong. I got this wrong. I did this right, though, and I know I did this right. And maybe I had a partner that wasn't, you know, doing things right or whatever, but, you know, you. You have to sort out where. Where you're to fall and where you're not.

[B]

Like an honest look, an honest overview.

[A]

But that suffering is part of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then I think when you come out of any kind of suffering, you're better. Whether it's physical. I'm training for a marathon. Okay. Well, that. That. Some painful process. But when you're done, you ran the marathon, you know, and you're stronger.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Well, you go through emotional pain. Right. You have to do some soul searching, and you have to do. You have to go through that and you have to level up and you have to grow.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But then you get to the other side. And then, you know, if you get on a spiritual level, too, you can. Whatever you believe, you know, whatever religion or faith or whatever. You know, you go through something and you probably are a little wiser because you found something in a faith, a religion, or whatever your thing is, because.

[B]

You were brought to the limit.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

The quote that comes to mind is, like, when we do something we didn't think, when we get through something we didn't think we could, we get this realization we must not be what we thought we were. You know what I mean? And we want to. We flatter ourselves, human beings, not just through divorces, all sorts of adversity, we think will change without it. And that's kind of the bargain we make with the universe. It's like, no, I'll keep growing. Then you realize, like, wait, no, you're not. No one will. No one will. That's the story of the Buddha. You know, he was a king. He's in the palace. He's got all the food he wants. He's got all the women he wants. I believe that's specifically mentioned ladies, like, orgies and stuff. So he's got all the pleasure that he could have and all the safety that he could have and all the food and the comfort. And then he realized he had to. He had to leave. So that's a very special thing, to walk away from that. But most of us are just only changing when we absolutely have to. And it sounds like that's what you're experiencing.

[A]

That's the truth.

[B]

That's very true.

[A]

Yeah. Because you do get comfortable and you do figure things out, and nobody wants to be a rookie again. Nobody wants to start over.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, nobody wants to get back into the grind. I'm actually. It's funny because I'm flirting with the idea, and I haven't done stand up stand up in 12 years.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

And I'm flirting with the idea of building a new set.

[B]

That's because pain is back in your life. I say that as someone who loves standup. I've never stopped doing it. I've been doing it for 24, five years.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I love it. And so much of it is dealing with predictable discomfort. At least it's predictable.

[A]

Yeah. Well, for me, I. I got out of it because I had little ones, little kids, and I needed to be home more. And you know, that life on the road is hard. It's a hard life.

[B]

You did that. You. I. Forgive me. I know. You're a very funny standup. I didn't know you ever, like, went full bore and, like, toured.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Like, for your living.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I always just Kind of assumed you're.

[A]

In because I was double dipping. I was. I was doing, like, the Daily show and things like that. And I was out on the road also. Doing comedy.

[B]

Yeah. Did someone tell you to make hay while the sun was out?

[A]

Well, one of those. Yeah. You always hear that. You always hear that. Like, oh, yeah, we can. We can book you. You can headline here. You can do this. You can do this. You know? And I was like, all right. You know? And so I was out there doing it, but it was really taking a toll, you know, on my physical body, my mental.

[B]

When I got home, when you started.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

Oh. I only bring that up because if it's over 40.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's something where you're like, this isn't cute anymore. Like, I. Like, I told you. I was just in Denver. I've been going to Denver every year, once a year, for over a decade. The comedy works. Yeah, the comedy works.

[A]

I love the comedy works in there.

[B]

Me too. And now I'm 45. I just went. And I was like, I can't breathe. I was like, these lands were available to your ancestors for a reason.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

No one can breathe here. That's why it was so easy to settle here.

[A]

Oh, fuck. I get winded so easily.

[B]

Winded.

[A]

Winded.

[B]

Speaking.

[A]

I just have good cardio. I get winded.

[B]

Winded and also just sitting in a chair on a plane. I never used to think about that. The up and the down. Too many ups and downs. I'm like, what? The pressure.

[A]

Oh. And I, I. It really does happen. That's why it's so funny. Is. Is the whole aging process is because nothing bothered me when I was a young man.

[B]

Me neither.

[A]

I slept standing up. Yep. I would eat a cracker and I could get through the day. Like, nothing. It didn't matter what. I could eat a Mr. Good bar and be set. I just. I was cooking on. I was cooking. I was cooking.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cook it. Yeah. And now I'm like, ah. If I don't get a decent meal, I'm gonna die. If I don't get some sleep. I mean, you turn into this old bent over because what you were running.

[B]

On as a young man was youth.

[A]

Yeah. It's so true.

[B]

It wasn't food.

[A]

Now, that phrase, youth, Youth has wasted all the young. I see it every day now, and I'm like, just get up and go do something. You have no idea how good it is right now.

[B]

I think about that all the time. I think that's part of. I'll say for Myself getting older. Part of me is going like, Jesus, do you know when I was young, I would be like, I should exercise. And I swear, somebody was like, you shouldn't lift weights until you're, like, 21. Somebody was like. Because then it's like a Boston thing. You're not fully developed. It's bad for you. And I was like, all right. Eating a pizza.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Like, people were giving me excuses to not work out. And I'm like, can you imagine, Forget about, like, looking good or feeling good, Just how amazing it would have felt to be, like, 18 years old, just, like, having the energy to lift and feeling good.

[A]

Yeah. Now I remember because I played high school sports, so I remember those days, you know, teenage years and. And the level of training, you know, like, ugh, give me a break. You know?

[B]

And it probably felt good.

[A]

It did. Yeah, it did. And you didn't even know what you had.

[B]

And you're having, like, a Capri sun, winning a game, going home, sleeping for 40 minutes and then just being just fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, pretty glorious. Okay, so what can we talk to frame your state of place? What is the degree of suffering? Where are you at now with that? How are you nav. Emotions? How are you navigating these emotions? How are you dealing with it? How are you processing it? Because we all sometimes get a big plate of garbage that we have to eat. And the first thing I said to you, and it's true, you look like a young man. Like, you came in, and I'm like, this is a vivacious, alive.

[A]

Thank you. God bless you.

[B]

You look wonderful. So, like, how are you? How are you dealing with stress? That's a pretty generic topic that nobody can use against you in the court.

[A]

Yeah, it's all just a hard candy shell, that's all.

[B]

Are you really in a mess?

[A]

I think. I think I'm. I'm. I'm wounded deeper than I've ever been wounded before. And I'm. I'm incredibly. I wrestle with. With so many emotions on a daily basis now. Things that I never experienced, never thought I would experience, and. And sorting through those things and then still trying to be everything I need to be. I need to be a dad. I do have a girlfriend. I'm trying to be a good partner for her. I have parents that need me. I have friends that I love, and I want to make sure they're good.

[B]

Cut those loose straight away.

[A]

They don't make it. Dead weight.

[B]

They don't make it. Yeah, you just mentioned aging parents, boyfriend, dad.

[A]

Bye.

[B]

Paul can't go to the Haunted Mansion this year, Buddy. Tell Man Zookas I said, what's up?

[A]

Because I'm out. But trying to. Trying to manage all that, and then. And then, oh, by the way, I'm trying to do what we all do in this business. I'm trying to get work. I'm trying to develop material. I'm trying to write a TV show. I'm trying to write a screenplay. I'm trying to find friends that I really enjoy and love their work and respect them and work with them on something, you know, with a. In a. In a. In an environment where we just came through a strike and a pandemic and industry that's, you know, fading away.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

At least in this state, you know, and so it's. It's, you know, these are trying times. These are the times that try men's souls. And. And so then that's why I think, you know, you do fall back on certain things. You know, you find. You got to go back and find a rock, you know, the classic. The proverbial rock to anchor your feet on and say, okay, all right, this is solid. Now let me start rebuilding, figuring some things out from here. And that's the best I can do. Of course, you know, I try to do everything I can to help myself. I go see a therapist who has more of a toolbox than I do, and I can go to him and say, okay, I had this thought today, and that can't be right. You know, and then I get a perspective, you know, that may help. And then I also have really good friends, thank God, that I can burden with a phone call and say, okay, is this wrong? Is this right?

[B]

You know, can you help me carry this? Sometimes you just have to say it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The friend. The friendships that are so valuable to me are just like the friends that you can be like. I don't mean this. This isn't. But I have to say that it's usually about my parents. I'll be like. And they'll be like, yeah, everybody feels that way sometime or whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I always think of Sam and Frodo going up Mount Doom to get rid of the ring. You know, it's just like, I'll carry you for a little while. So I'm sorry you're going through that, but I'm glad our people are already saying to you, like, it's going to.

[A]

Be a good show. This is going to be a good TV show.

[B]

Surveillance Wife.

[A]

Yeah. You know what's funny is I'm one of Those believers, too. And if you can laugh about it later, you probably could laugh about it now. And this has been going on for years, though. So I'm in that place where, yeah, I want to get to that place. I want to get to that place where I'm going to look back and go, that was ridiculous. That was crazy. That was hilarious. Or I could make it hilarious.

[B]

It's not there yet.

[A]

We'll get there.

[B]

I've noticed that this is the guest. This is the Wednesday episode of this podcast on a Friday. Val and I, my wife and I do the Friday episodes, but because we do it every Friday, we're recording it much closer to real time. And I've noticed that I need about three weeks. If something really embarrassing happens, I don't want to talk about it the week it happened. My brain needs time to put it together. So when it's like a massive continental shift, you sometimes need years to frame that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I did my show about my divorce. Very different situation, obviously, but it was like 10 years after the fact. That's just kind of how it goes.

[A]

I think that's the thing people underestimate.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think people think, oh, yeah, well, that sucks. And moving on, you know? You know, I was married for a long time, you know, and was. I was really in love. And, you know, but, yeah, then these things happen. Right. And so, you know, it does. It takes a lot longer than you anticipated.

[B]

There's.

[A]

I know there's a process to it, but it takes time.

[B]

You close with Wahlberg? He seems like the guy. Call Mark.

[A]

No, I haven't called him.

[B]

Hey, buddy. How's it going? What's up, Robby? Yeah, I heard. I saw. I saw on Wikipedia a couple of details.

[A]

I just wanted.

[B]

I didn't just want to do the impression. I actually thought that seemed like a guy that most people in your situation would envision that you're in a snowstorm and Mark Wahlberg is, like, helping you out of the snow. I gotcha. I'm glad you're doing okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Have you ever seen a ghost? This is just a palate cleanser. Then we'll move into our.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Back into our.

[A]

Thank you. I have not seen a ghost. I've never seen a ghost, however.

[B]

Oh, we'll be right back. I'm just kidding.

[A]

That's.

[B]

That's the mid rolls.

[A]

That's.

[B]

We'll be right back.

[A]

When we come back, we never talk about it. We never. People be dying to be the thing. The thing.

[B]

We get comments like that all the time. It's like you said you'd come back to the thing about Switzerland and you never came back to it. And I'm like, I know I'm stuck in here. I also missed the story. Pardon the interruption, weirdos. You guys know I'm obsessed with ways to strengthen my immunity and my gut health as well as my fitness, my endurance, my metabolism, hair, skin, radiance. Imagine it's like an old timey commercial. Imagine if there was one product that did all of those things. Well, there is. It's Armra Colostrum. Colostrum is the first nutrition we receive in life and contains all of the essential nutrients our bodies need to thrive. I'm talking about activating, reactivating hair growth and glowing skin by reducing inflammation and puffiness in your face and neck as well as stimulating stem cells to produce collagen and increase elasticity. Talking about igniting your metabolism and fortifying your gut health so you feel less bloated. This is a huge one for me. When I forget my armor colostrum, I feel it first in my stomach. I go, why do I feel so bloated? You take it. You feel lighter while replenishing your microbiome, stabilizing blood sugar and accelerating fat burning, which also helps with cravings when you stabilize your blood sugar as well as fueling your fitness, performance and recovery. Armor Colostrum is a proprietary concentrate of bovine colostrum that harnesses over 400 living bioactive nutrients to rebuild the barriers of your body and fuel cellular health for a host of research back health benefits. I absolutely love it for my immunity. I feel like it's really helping me stay not sick, stay well. As my daughter brings home who knows how many different types of colds. So I've seen these results and I felt them, like I said, in my gut, in my body and my overall wellness. We've worked out a special offer for weirdos. Receive 15% off your first order. Go to try armra.com weird or enter weird at checkout for 15% off your first order. That's T R Y A R M R A dot com weird. We're also brought to us by our friends at Chubby's, a lifestyle apparel brand that has no equivalent in all of human history. They make the most comfortable clothing with the most unique designs ever. Just last night, Val and I went on a date and I wore my cotton. Sorry, my coastal cotton Sunday shirt. What color did I choose? I'm glad you asked. The color is called soft sunset sky. Come on, how cool is that? It's the coastal cotton Sunday shirt. Soft sunset sky. It looked great and it felt fantastic on my body. That is a win win. I do not typically like wearing dress clothes, but these clothes are different. Chubby's offers a huge variety of high quality men's apparel from super stretchy shorts and swim trunks in three inseam lengths depending on how much of your beautiful thigh you want to show to. Pants, polos and button down shirts for when you need to hit up your favorite weekend brunch spot. When others see you sporting Chubbies in the wild, they're bound to say, oh wow, cool, that person's wearing Chubbies. I now immediately respect them and think they are amazing. Try their iconic original stretch shorts. Pair that with their Friday shirts. From the casual button downs to retro inspired prints, these shirts are built to kick back, chill out and party down. And for a limited time, our friends at Chubby's are giving our listeners 20% off with the promo code weird at checkout@chubby's shorts.com it's 20% off your order with promo code WEIRD. Show your support of this show and tell them we sent them. Sent you. Excuse me. Don't just blend in with the crowd. Stand out with chubbies. Go to chubbysshorts.com and use promo code weird. Back to the show. So what happened? Is this a flyboy story?

[A]

It's a weird story that I've never told anybody this. Actually it happened when I was in the marines. We were, we were moving, we were, we were moving into Kosovo from Macedonia. Okay, this is back in 99. And NATO had sections so the English, the French, Americans and the Russians at the time. And even though they're not part of NATO, they were part of the multinational force that everybody had a sector. So we were moving from Estonia up into the northern part of Kosovo, which was the US sector right next to Serbia or whatever. So we had, you know, it was about a two day convoy to get up there. Well, the first night we had to spend in a field, you know. And one of the jobs I had to do was make sure the media that was tagging along in this caravan with us was actually taken care of. And okay, they operated on their own. So they were outside of our little wagon wheel defense that we created because they had no light or sound discipline. So they were over there with their lights on making noise and shit. So we're like, you got to stay over there. You know, if you're, we can't tell.

[B]

You why, but you can't be with.

[A]

Us, you can't be around our troops making noise and flashing spotlights. Right? Yeah. So you can. If you're going to do that business. Go. You gotta go down the road.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

So they went down the road. So I was walking outside our perimeter, going down the road to say, like, why?

[B]

Yeah, you're very unsafe.

[A]

You're completely unsafe in a hostile area with your absolute lack of noise and light discipline.

[B]

This guy's showing tiktoks.

[A]

Look at that.

[B]

I've been making pancakes. Wrong.

[A]

Yeah. They were sleeping in their vehicles, and so they kept them running all night just so, you know, like all kinds of shit. So. So I was. I had to be the go between, you know, to go back and forth between these things. So I'm down there kind of just saying, all right, listen, we're shutting down for the night. You know, if anything goes wrong, if anything happens, just lay on your horns. People will come down to help you or whatever, you know, God forbid, you know, someone tries to attack you or kidnap or whatever they're going to do, but that's our best deal, and we're just shooting the shit. And I think I smoked a cigarette with the guy at the time, you.

[B]

Know, we're just burning because you're in the light. The light. Loose place.

[A]

Exactly. There's nobody discipline here.

[B]

That's what I was thinking. Three soldiers to a match.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Isn't that an old light?

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah, very much. Light discipline, all that stuff. So we're just shooting the shit, and all of a sudden, the whole ridge line lights up, but in blue and red and white lights like I've never seen before. And I'm talking about an entire ridgeline. And it was spectacular. It looked like a fireworks display was going on just underneath the ridgeline.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

And I'm sitting there looking. I go, what the f is that? And the guy with me was a cameraman. Old crusty cameraman, beard and everything. And he goes, it's a ufo, man. I go, what? I go, it's not a ufo. And I go, it's probably like some sort of electric station or something, you know, blowing up or, you know. And he's like, no, man, come on, don't be stupid. He was almost like, don't be stupid. It's a ufo. I go, that's not a ufo. Like, I don't see anything flying. Goes, look at the lights, man. Look at. Look at the scope. Look at the range. Look at. Look. You think that's an electrical box? He's like, it's a ufo. Dude.

[B]

Because it's spanning miles.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. And he just smoked a cigarette and was as nonchalant about it as he could have been. He had so much confidence that it. Actually, I was like, what? Huh? You know, like, he. He just was so matter of fact, like, grow up. Yeah, grow up. You know, it's the ufo. And I was like, I guess maybe. I don't know. It could have been anything. I don't. But it was something like I had never seen. And I. But I didn't see it. I didn't even know what I was seeing. I was just seeing a. A red, white, and blue light display. I wasn't seeing, like, pops and sparks. I wasn't seeing, you know, like that. So I didn't know what. I didn't know what I was seeing. And then just as fast as it was there, it was gone.

[B]

Wow. Holy.

[A]

And so I just. I remember walking back to. To our. Our where we were kind of bivouacked or set up, you know, for the night, and I just was thinking, what the. Did I just see? Oh, well, you know, it's one of those things, like, I don't know. I can't explain it, and I don't have time. I got to get up at 04 tomorrow, make sure everything's ready to go. And I.

[B]

So I was like, nobody in your convoy. I don't know.

[A]

I mean, people saw it.

[B]

They saw it, people saw it, but.

[A]

It was like, no one could explain it. So everybody's like it. We're tired. Let's go to bed. We got to get up tomorrow. We got to do.

[B]

I mean, how many. Great.

[A]

So I've never seen a ghost, but I. I saw that, and I still don't know what it is to this day.

[B]

Wow. Yeah. I thought maybe as a pilot, so many. They don't call them UFOs anymore. Is it UAP or something?

[A]

Yeah. Oh, well, you know, one time I was. I was flying. I had my pilot's license when I was in college, and I was flying in Lawrence, Kansas. And a P40. You know what those are? Those old. The Flying Tigers used to fly P40s.

[B]

It's a propeller plane.

[A]

Yeah, it's an old World War II. Like, it was built in the 90s.

[B]

Got a mouth on the side.

[A]

Yeah, it had. Yeah, that's. That's what it was. The Flying Tigers. Yeah. And they used to fly these P40s. And I remember I was flying, and it was an uncontrolled airport, and I would talk, you know, say, hey, whatever. I Was Cessna, blah, blah, blah. Coming in, base final, you know, downwind, base final for landing at this place. And there's no air traffic control, so you just announce it to all the traffic in the area, Right? Because it's basically just pilots talking to pilots. Basically just a PA saying, hey, this is where I'm at.

[B]

Right?

[A]

This is what I'm doing. Coming in for landing. Here's where I'm at. So keep your eyes peeled for me. Basically, I go right to.

[B]

Does anybody abuse that? Just telling jokes. Get off this line.

[A]

This is not the place, Tom. This is not the place.

[B]

I had a pilot once do George Carlin's baseball football routine while everyone was deplaning. And I was like, there's got to be something in the. Like the bylaws that says you can't do that. That's an emergency law.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sir.

[A]

Yes. You heard. No horseplay. Focus.

[B]

No rough housing. No horseplay. Focus up.

[A]

But I. I was flying into the pattern, which. So you're low, you know, you're only like a thousand feet off the ground or whatever. And a P40 came flying by, and I thought, wow, that's cool. Vintage aircraft, you know, or whatever. And so. But it made no calls, Rob. It made no calls.

[B]

Stop it.

[A]

I'm being totally serious.

[B]

Stop it.

[A]

Being totally serious. Made no calls.

[B]

Story is already a classic.

[A]

You're just, wow. I did. I think vintage. I thought it was a vintage aircraft. It was a World War II fighter.

[B]

And it didn't announce itself.

[A]

It didn't announce itself. It made no radio call. I was the only person in the pattern. It just went. And I thought, oh, cool.

[B]

You probably felt it, too.

[A]

I didn't. I didn't feel it, but I saw it. It was very clear to me. I saw it and it just kept going. And I thought, oh, cool. I was weird. They didn't make any announcements. They didn't announce their presence. I go, maybe they don't have a radio in the old planes. Of course they have a radio these days. You couldn't fly without one. Yeah. So I'm. But I just didn't get it. And then I thought, well, I probably didn't think you needed something because only me and the pattern. Anyway, I landed and taxied in, and I don't even think I talked to him, because I think I was flying solo. So I don't even think I talked to anybody about it. Just bizarre shit like that, that you're like, was that real? Did that happen?

[B]

Because that story definitely needs. When we do the movie Version. Hey, did you see that?

[A]

Yeah. Did you see that P40?

[B]

Yeah. Huh. There hasn't been a P40 in need for it. You couldn't even take off a P40 in this humidity.

[A]

Yeah. Are you kidding me? Come on. Everybody knows that.

[B]

You're just seeing, like, the echo of a. Oh, my God.

[A]

So those are the only those. Like, I don't have. I don't have supernatural experiences, and I can't explain the ones that I. These, whatever they are things that happened.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So I can't sit there and say, this happened to me. It was a. No, I saw something. I don't know what it was. I saw something. Maybe it happened.

[B]

The human brain definitely has. You know how, like, it deletes childbirth. It also. You can't remember pain. There are these certain fail safes in the human brain, and I think we have one for, like, what?

[A]

Unexplainable?

[B]

Not useful.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you're mentioning Kosovo. I'm not putting down that part of the world. But it is, like, more like the past, potentially. You know what I mean? So there's a mountain range, and, like, it's not Times Square. There's fewer things. And imagine, like. Like Bible times. You're just walking with the sheep. The weird shit people must have seen. So it's evolutionary beneficial to just be like, and then I ate a sandwich. You know what I mean? Even as you tell me. Yeah, I won't remember that story. Probably. Maybe I will now that I pointed it out. But, like, in five years, I'll see you. I won't be like, the red, white and blue.

[A]

Yeah, the lights, man, the lights.

[B]

And I saw something. This is so boring. I'm going to make it real fast, but I saw something on Instagram that was similar. It was a security light, security camera. And the. The whole skyline lit up red and just like a. Like a movie. Which is tricky because people do fake things. But it looked like there was like a. It was. If it was vfx. Everyone says this. If it was vfx, it was incredible vfx. And I was like. Because it looked bad.

[A]

Yeah. It looked like found footage, probably.

[B]

Yeah. It didn't look good. Like, sometimes you see something and you just immediately go, that's fake. It looks perfect. It's stupid. This was like. And then, like, dogs barking and, like, car alarms going off and, like, the perfect soundscape, and you're like, okay, an Academy Award designer was bored and decided to hoax us.

[A]

Or.

[B]

That is just like, sometimes the sky just lights up.

[A]

Well, for for what, 50, 60 years. They. No one of any authority would even say acknowledge. Yeah, they wouldn't even acknowledge. Come on. No, no, it's not real. No. We can prove it away. We can prove it away. We can prove it. And then what? Just two, three years ago.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Finally someone with authority. Yeah. An authority figure comes out and says yeah, yeah, something's out there and we don't know what it is. Anyway, guys, there's a five dollar footlong down here for sale. You know, is anybody cares? Like what. That's unbelievable. I got a meeting tomorrow. I got to go focus on that. Like it's amazing like that to be. That should be the moment in human history.

[B]

I actually, I think you could even make it less exotic. The phenomenon of life that we're alive. And I'm not trying to be all the way that I am. I'm just saying that is such an unexamined phenomenon that we just get really used to very quickly and then eat $5 footlongs. So it's built into our experience to just kind of put aside really.

[A]

You can only manage so much. That's right. You know, you can only manage so much. You can't spend. I mean maybe you can if you're. If you're blessed enough to spend time drilling down on the deeper issues and the deeper questions. God bless. Yeah. And I think reflection is critical to life.

[B]

But it sucks that you just said it is a luxury because it kind of is. And most people that are afforded the opportunity to naval gaze as we kind of call it, don't. Yeah, they fill their lives with stress about recycling and like I think my assistant ordered the wrong bed.

[A]

Yes. You know. Yeah.

[B]

They don't do it when you're.

[A]

When your biggest problem is your backup camera's foggy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You got. That's first world problem.

[B]

That's right. Well, I used to have an old joke about it. I was like, we don't care about space. And I would include UFOs and I'd include your Ridge story and I would include the phenomenon of consciousness. So the closest mystery to us because you can't eat it or have sex with it. Meaning we really are looking for short term gains.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We're back to the company that hides the unsubscribe button.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Would rather con ourselves into these micro instead of the big, the long.

[A]

It's also kind of a Pandora's box too. Like if you open it up.

[B]

Yeah. I know a UFO guy.

[A]

It's like it's a little scary because. Well, that Makes me want to ask more questions and more questions, and then all of a sudden, I can get into. I can. Next thing I know, I'm in over my head and filling my head with paranoia. Fear, you know? Dude. And fear, I think, is. That's the enemy.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

Fear is the enemy. And it's constantly trying to get at you from so many places and so many angles.

[B]

I completely agree.

[A]

And it haunts you, and it stalks you, and it waits for you, and.

[B]

It robs your life and it robs you. You can't enjoy anything if you're afraid, obviously. But, like, I'll give you a very real world example. I just watched. I used to be really afraid of alien abduction. That was just, like, a very scary, like, not funny to me. Like, when people were kind of like, they took a cow. I'm like. Like, I was just, like, not chill about it because I saw fire in the sky when I was, like, 15. Like, just young enough.

[A]

I remember that movie.

[B]

D.B.

[A]

Sweeney.

[B]

We all remember who was in it.

[A]

D.B. sweeney. Who's the guy that was abducted.

[B]

Oh, that's his name.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Don't say it. I'm just kidding. They'll hear. They'll think we're D.B. sweeney.

[A]

Well, this is the actor's name.

[B]

Oh, I'm sorry.

[A]

That's the actor. Oh, I'm sorry.

[B]

I thought it was the main guy, but I literally still catch myself. It's like a remnant of old religion, too. Like, I'm like, I'll just tell you the story. I watched the preview for a Netflix series called the Manhattan Alien Abduction or something. I just thought, well, that's interesting. Usually alien reduction, middle of a Kosovo field. That's what we just talked about. Like, yeah, that stuff happens in Iowa. Or it happens in.

[A]

Where there aren't a whole lot of eyeballs. Yeah.

[B]

Because if you were gonna kidnap an ant from an anthill, you take the one that's kind of behind the group, if, you know, the ants can talk about it. So you pluck this one. So I didn't. I just watched the preview for it, and apparently there were 20. All I know is there are 23 witnesses on the street that were watching a woman, like, floating in midair. And, you know, they're real New York. I thought it was special effects.

[A]

You know, it's like.

[B]

I thought it was nuts.

[A]

I thought the broad was on wires.

[B]

I was eating Junior's cheesecake, and I look up.

[A]

Holy the moly.

[B]

I can see this, ladies. And then she goes into a ufo. So I just watched the preview for it. I added it to my list.

[A]

Is this on Netflix?

[B]

On Netflix.

[A]

I think I've seen the ad for this.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it was. Did you watch it?

[A]

I think it popped up. It popped up on my suggestion.

[B]

You bailed on it.

[A]

You didn't finish it because you didn't like it. No, I was falling asleep. Okay, there you go.

[B]

But it didn't freak you out? I watched the preview and I like getting up real early in the morning. Another sign of being older. I just love. I love stealing those hours.

[A]

I am so with you.

[B]

Yes. Yes.

[A]

I pop up at 5am Like a shot.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

I pop up and. And from five to eight golden. I. I practice my polish. I read my books. I do.

[B]

I do. Do you mean masturbate?

[A]

Huh?

[B]

I'm up practicing my polish.

[A]

No. Wink, wink. No, I'm learning the language. No, no, no, no. Hold on.

[B]

It's long.

[A]

That's not a.

[B]

You're long and hard. That's a burst out of your hole.

[A]

That's not even a thing.

[B]

You'll be glad you practiced your.

[A]

That's a thing now.

[B]

That's how things start. You literally practice a language?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And what else? I'm so on the edge of my seat.

[A]

I do some readings. I do some reflection. And I also just take a minute just to sit there. And I pray and I meditate and I do the things that I feel like I need to do to center myself. And then it's time to go wake up my boy for school or go for a nice walk or do the things.

[B]

Doing it again.

[A]

Come on.

[B]

You're doing it again.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is. This is the wisdom of the aging man. And not all of us are doing it. Yeah, I'm a 5:30. But if I get up, I don't set an alarm. I'm just up.

[A]

I'm up. That's the thing. I don't have to set alarm anymore.

[B]

I. My wife just sent me a thing that men do need. Less sleep. Something about the testes. Something about our hormones. Women reproduce their hormones in their sleep, I guess. So they're replenishing their supply. The balls will do it rain or shine. Like they're just always.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

I know.

[A]

So good.

[B]

They're down there in that elbow skin, just helping us out. So for that reason, this one doctor said that men need less. And I'm experiencing that. And that's why she sent it to me. So I get up, it's 5. 5. 5:30 in the morning, probably 5:30. But you know, it's still dark, so you get this, like. It's like you've reached through a book from the first page and grab the last page, and now it's peeking out like it's very, like, inverted. It's the day, but it's night. So you're already having this wicked little magic.

[A]

It's a secret time.

[B]

It's secret time. It's the week between Christmas and New Year's. It's just gone. It's secret time.

[A]

It is. And it's. But you get so much done. I get so much done that when the day. When the sun's up and the day has arrived, I feel so good.

[B]

Of course, because you robbed a bank that morning.

[A]

Rob.

[B]

Because there was a bank, there was a pile of money. I came to you, and no one's up. It's just there. Anyone can take it. You can practice your polish.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And also my spiritual teacher, Rupert Spirits, says that the morning is an auspicious time. I love that word, auspicious. Because you were just asleep. And when we're asleep, this is. I would agree with this, but this is his. His idea is that you were. You were consciousness without an object. When you're asleep, it's a timeless kind of eternal, selfless place. So it's very close to being merged with your creator. That's one of the reasons why I think we like. Sleep is like, you're not Rob anymore, but you are.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I like quickly.

[A]

I like it, too, because I think that's when you're at your most relaxed. Agreement, state. And so the ideas flow. I feel. I feel like when you. When you truly are relaxed, you're at your best. That's your best self, is what I relax. Not at high adrenaline. Not at all. This thing.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Those things are necessary for fight or flight and all that. But I'm talking about when you're your best self. It's generally when you're at your most relaxed state.

[B]

Think of Denzel Washington.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cool.

[A]

Yeah. And Bill Murray. Bill Murray even says Bill Murray looks.

[B]

Like he's about to fall asleep.

[A]

Bill Murray.

[B]

I mean that in the best way.

[A]

Yeah. Anybody talks about it, he says. He goes, there's nothing that we don't know. Do better in life when we're not relaxed.

[B]

You mean when we are.

[A]

When we are relaxed. Sorry. When we are relaxed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's nothing. And whether it's giving a speech, whether it's acting, whether it's comedy, whether it's running, whether whatever you want. Just if you're more relaxed. You're going to be better.

[B]

I think you're absolutely right.

[A]

And I think that's why the mornings are special, because we just come out of that.

[B]

Exactly. So that that's part of the closest.

[A]

You'Ll be to it.

[B]

You were just there. So if you're going to meditate or pray or whatever, you were just there. So when you're meditating, you're trying to shut off your mind. Your mind was just shut off.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's like you were just running. Let's run a little more. But it's the opposite. You're just sitting. So anyway, I get up, it's 5:30. It's cold. My dog is there. It's my favorite time with my dog with like fucking snuggling and roughing around. I love him so much. Then I. It doesn't matter. I. It does matter for the story because I have a cold plunge and I love it. It's my cold plunge too.

[A]

Come on. What's going on here? Come on. I do love it.

[B]

I know you're in step brothers, but did we just become best friends?

[A]

I think we did. Yes.

[B]

I've said that a lot, but never did someone who's step brothers. Oh, and John C. Reilly did the show. We didn't bond over. We didn't bond like this. I'm just kidding. We had a great time.

[A]

Oh, good, good.

[B]

So I cold plunge in the morning and I love it. And I'm in this ice bath and I'm looking at the stars and one of my favorite things in the world. But then I remember the preview for Manhattan, alien abduction. And suddenly I'm not really enjoying the cold plunges.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I'm looking at the stars and I'm like, I'm a fuck. We live in the country. We live outside of the city. I'm like, I'm an idiot. Now it's in my mind, I'm thinking about it. That's probably sending some sort of beacon to them. And all of this is irrational. I don't believe any of this. But I'm just like, I'm in the middle of nowhere. They could take me. My kid and my wife aren't going to be up for three hours. You know how much they could probe in three hours?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then who's going to believe a guy then?

[A]

Who knows what the time continuum is where they take you. They could have you there for years and put you back here within minutes.

[B]

Exactly. They know the speed that they can fly. Yeah. The time. One minute.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is.

[A]

It's like the last. It's like the Last Starfighter. You saw the movie, Remember the Last Starfighter? No, It's a classic from the 80s. It's the last Starfighter. But they took him away to Romulus and then he spent a lot of time there. We got back, nobody knew he was gone.

[B]

I know this from Lightyear, which I didn't like, but it plays with the same idea. I don't know why I have to shit on it.

[A]

I gotta tell you, I. When it comes to things like stargazing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I love it. Yeah. I don't know why. I've always been drawn to the night sky. I love.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Looking at the stars, looking at the moon.

[B]

The moon, yeah.

[A]

All these things talk to me and I don't know why, they just do. And maybe it's just God's beauty that I just love taking in. I mean, the creation, you know, like, it's just like. And I like to think about good thoughts. I like to think about the beauty.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The painting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The tapestry that is the world we live in.

[B]

Well, you're hearing me exactly right. Because that's normally what I'm doing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm having a moment where I'm like, you know, I don't necessarily think these things consciously, like, bless you, Katie. That the moon is reflecting the sun. And, you know, Dante has this line where he says, God is the love that hung the stars. So there's something about seeing things suspended in nothing, you know, just there. And you're like, there is something revelatory about it, but I don't think those things. I'm just kind of taking it in. But instead I let fear in. And now I'm like, whatever. And what is that? It's self centered. It's very self centered. It's narcissistic, almost like there's aliens, they can read my mind and they're coming to get me in my cold plunge. And who's gonna believe a guy that soaks in cold water?

[A]

You know, he's gonna believe me, but.

[B]

You know, it's robbing your life of what would have been a beautiful, quiet moment.

[A]

I've heard some interesting things in my experience, in my journey, you know, as far as spirituality, faith, religion, all that stuff now and again. Everybody's got their own faith or their own, and it's all great. But some of the things that I've read and heard and that I. That really kind of. I was like, that resonates. I like that. That's something I'm Going to keep.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Worry is praying to the devil.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

That's what worry is.

[B]

I've heard, I've heard versions of praying for something you don't want.

[A]

Yeah. But worrying is like, that's praying to the bad guy, praying to the devil, praying. And then I've also heard, and it's true, is. Is the most repeated phrase in the Bible.

[B]

Oh, do not worry.

[A]

Do not be afraid.

[B]

Do not be afraid.

[A]

Do not be afraid.

[B]

I should let you say it.

[A]

Yeah, but, but that's. But that's the mo. So, you know, when someone asked me that, I go, I don't know. Love you. You know, I didn't know. I thought. But. But it says it so many times. I think 365times. It says it in the W. Afraid, do not be afraid.

[B]

Corollary to our calendar.

[A]

Do not be afraid, do not be afraid, do not be afraid. It just keeps repeating itself over and over and over and over and over. And to me, like, that's. That's the essence of it, because fear is the enemy.

[B]

I think you're right.

[A]

And so don't be afraid. And it's it. And for me, in the. In a world that is just, you're getting inundated with everything, right? And, you know, finger banging the social media every day and all, if you can just anchor yourself to a couple truths that you believe, whatever, but believe that that's the truth and it's a wholesome truth, it's a healthy truth, then do that, simplify, and then rebuild.

[B]

Well, here's another Bible. Fun fact is that I don't think it's the whole Bible, but I know Jesus talks way more about faith than he does about love. And people would guess love and faith, though. And this is what I got from Richard Rohr is he says it's not believing in unbelievable things. It's not believing. We've sort of turned it into. And there's. It can be quite beautiful to say it in that way, but it's not believing in unbelievable things that have no proof. It's actually being comfort in not knowing. And what. And that's what I hear you saying is you might not have the answer, but at the core of a lot of spiritual traditions is to use kind of church language, knowing you're held. I would say knowing you're a child of God is another way to say it. Knowing that you belong and knowing that you don't have to be afraid. There's a story that I heard Amma, the hugging saint tell that I've Told it before, but I think about it a lot. There was a doctor that brought his dog. It's not a true story. Doctor brings his dog to work. Doctor walks into a room. The dog isn't there. Walks into a room with a terminal patient. And the patient's like, I'm dying and I'm afraid. Dog's scratching on the other side of the door. And the patient says, can you give me some comfort? I'm afraid I'm dying. And the doctor says, I think it's like this. I think my dog has never been to this hospital with me before. He's never, you know, come to work with me before. But he's scratching on the other side of the door. He really wants to get in this room, even though he's never been here. But he knows his master is in here. He knows his dad is in here. That's that quality that I'm looking for.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's not being able to explain it beautifully. Although I love people that can explain it beautifully. It's people that live with a certain certitude that they're not afraid.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that comes from. In my experience, you're talking about spending your morning studying, meditating, praying, being quiet. It's those encounters. It's that time that we spend. I believe it's Rumi that says, when we encounter God, we realize it's a lover, not a tormentor. But it comes from experiential, I can tell you.

[A]

And it probably depends on where you are in your life, too.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and what you're going through, what you're dealing with, that you're seeking answers for true. You know, and a lot of for me is, I just want peace.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I just want peace.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and I've stripped it down to that. You know, like, you know, of course we're all ambitious. We all have. We hope this happens. Hope that. But, you know, the end of the day, I just want to be. I want to be good here. I want to be good here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I just want peace.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

You know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And anything else? Hey, great.

[B]

It's funny, I might even use the word happiness there, because happiness kind of includes peace. And something that helps me in the world is remembering that everybody wants to be happy, even if, like, they're making really strange choices. And then it can be a really helpful exercise to extend something out. It's what I was listening to this morning. It's like you're pitching a TV show. Right. If you can hold on to the idea that everything that makes you truly happy. And I don't mean circumstantially, I mean like your. Your nature, your life, your. Your divine nature is there and intact and. And selling that show or not selling that show won't add or take away from that birthright. We could use biblical language. Then you won't be pitching it from a place of fear or depravity. You'll be pitching it from a place of, like, flow and generosity and collaboration and more with curiosity and wonder. And that even though I'm not a huge manifester, I do believe if you go around and I'm about to pitch a show too, if you're like, I gotta sell it, like, that comes out, as opposed to, like, I have this ball. Do you want to. Would you like to bounce it?

[A]

I think it's really cool.

[B]

It's cool. I would like that ball bouncing to give people pleasure and excitement.

[A]

And I think, yes, yes. And I think that's one of the quests that I'm trying, that we're all trying. Everybody's trying to figure things out, but is to focus on the beauty, focus on the good things. It's so hard to do, especially in the world we live in where we're just inundated with it. But, you know, if I. If I spend time thinking about the good, the lovely, the kind, the generous, the gracious, if I think about those things, you know, it's. It's. My dad used to say, garbage in, garbage out. Because I'd be sitting on the tv, you know, sitting on the couch.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, watching TV. And it was, you know, some classic 80s horror movie, you know, Freddy Krueger or something. Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he'd walk in and he'd look at for two seconds and see, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he'd be like, oh, for the love of God. And he'd walk out. And I'd always be like, what? It's just a movie. It's fun. He goes, garbage in, garbage out, son. Garbage in, garbage out. He always say that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it meant nothing to me as a teenager. None of that stuff does. Right. But then as you get older, you're like, ah, yeah, you know. Yeah. Of course, if I'm putting in constant, you know, anger, hurt, horror, scary, blah, blah, blah, you know, putting in fear, you're gonna get fear out.

[B]

Well, that's what I was trying to tell with that analytical abduction thing. I literally introduced something wasn't helping, and it ruined my morning. Yeah, because you had a good thing going. You had A good thing going.

[A]

You had a good thing going.

[B]

But, you know, the. That's one of the things when I. And I probably did it that morning that I was freaking out is I go, pete, you're no more likely to be abducted by an alien because you watch that trailer. Like, that has nothing to do with it. So, like, you're just torturing yourself. And I remember being a kid and watching movies like Freddy Krueger. I'd be laying there, I'm like, what if something kills me in my sleep? And I'm like, you're no more likely for that to happen because you watched that. It's just what you. It is garbage. Meaning it's not real. You just put something unreal in your mind.

[A]

To heighten fear. Yeah, to heighten. And right now, I don't know if you notice it. Maybe it's just me and me being an aging, crusty old fart, but I feel like Hollywood needs a hug because every movie they're putting out is horror films, you know, torture films. It's just like all these, you know, it's just like, I don't know, where the com, where's the laugh, where's the romantic comedies, where's the something to make me.

[B]

I haven't seen someone good for a plane because their beloved is on a window.

[A]

I just haven't seen any joy lately. It's. Everything coming out is a new form of horrible.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's interesting is great genre.

[A]

I'm not picking on the genre. It's fine. It has its place.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But it can't be the only thing.

[B]

On the menu, Right? I agree with you. And what's interesting, what leads to a lot of bad art? And I'm not the only person saying this is just chasing. We have too many metrics. We have too many data points. You know what I mean? So what we're doing now, burdened with all of this data, is going like, well, horror scores really big, all four.

[A]

Quadrants a little bit.

[B]

Exactly. So it'll make money, but it's short money, too. It's all of these things like stars.

[A]

There's nothing inspiring or fresh.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's the Pepsi Challenge. I say this all the time. It's one of my favorite little fun facts. When they did the Pepsi Challenge, I'd give you a sip of Coke and a sip of Pepsi, and you would pick Pepsi. And the reason you would is because Pepsi is sweeter. So when a human being drinks two drinks and one of them is sweeter, and I say which one's better? They're going to pick the sweeter one. But if I have you have a glass of Pepsi, a lot of people are going to go, this is too sweet. And they'd prefer the Coke. But that's what we're doing is we're chasing these short, almost like a Biohack, manufactured like this. Opened big, but is anyone going to remember. Is anyone going to be talking about Joker? Folia D in 10 years? I know that Shots Fired. But, like, as a. As a lover of film, we're going to be talking about Drive the Gosling film. Like, those are. Those are movies. Those are real Drive.

[A]

I'm so glad you said that one. That's a great example.

[B]

Those movies need to be. I got a poster of Drive over there, and I'm stealing that from Matt Johnson, Canadian filmmaker, who I adore. He used that example. He was like, no one's going to talk about Joker.

[A]

That might be the last movie I saw that really moved me because it's.

[B]

Like somebody had a dream and they actually brought it back to us.

[A]

It was so good. It needed to be. It was so good in every way. The music selection.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

The dialogue, the minimalist dialogue.

[B]

Gosling's note, by the way, Daddy Goss knows what he's doing. He says, I think I shouldn't talk in this one.

[A]

Yeah, great, great.

[B]

Good, good. What actor says that?

[A]

Nice job, Artist.

[B]

Yeah. Usually they go, can I talk more?

[A]

Exactly. I've seen people count their lines.

[B]

Yeah, of course.

[A]

It's disgusting.

[B]

Well, we do that. We call them in. Under five.

[A]

Yeah. You five. You five.

[B]

I'm pretty sure the lead of Drive is an under five. He's technically just from sag's purposes. He's a background actor. And also he's just in every scene.

[A]

I know, I know all the direct. All the artists in entertainment, you know, they like to bitch and complain about. Because the sad thing is the gatekeepers. Look, nothing happens. It is show business, and business means money, and no show happens without the money.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. So it's a cold, hard truth. It's a cold hard truth.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I sit around with artists that lament. I got this great fucking thing, and it won't happen. It won't happen because the gatekeepers. The money.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Won't let it happen for whatever reason. Yeah. And the sad thing is, is the now art, entertainment, storytelling is here. And then what gets put on top of it is this boilerplate of how to make money.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's like a Scantron form. If you don't match up. It doesn't match up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then that's not going to get made.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But if the scantron form that you put over the key.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Test. You know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then you go, oh, okay, this meets our criteria. Here's your money to go make it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But then it's not, it's not what it should be. No. What it could be.

[B]

No, no, no. I mean, look, we have this conversation on the show a lot because it's something very close to my heart. But like when you went, oops, we made content. You know what I mean? You're wrapping the movie. Whoops. Whoops. That was content. You know what I mean? But the point that we're kind of with the Pepsi challenge and all of that is like so many things don't stand up to the scrutiny of data. I know we've used this example, I mean, in life a lot, but Seinfeld would not have gotten picked up for season two and Star wars also wouldn't so many of these things if you were projecting the money. So that's why we're only rebooting and we're only. All this stuff is because we're just looking for existing IP and guaranteed baked in, built in audience. But everything is seasons and we've gone so hard in that way for so long. For so long.

[A]

The pendulum's got to come back.

[B]

It has to.

[A]

I keep saying that.

[B]

I keep saying it always does.

[A]

I hope so. I hope you're right. Well, you know what it'll take? It'll take one big comedy hit. That's fresh. Yeah, that's. That is not. It's not a reboot. It's not an old ip.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Intellectual property. It won't. It, it's got to be a fresh new thing.

[B]

I see you, P. That's a trap. Someone asked you to spell eye cup and they want to say, I see you, P. That's a trap.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Don't walk into intellectual property.

[A]

That's. That's a tale as old as time. And that's good wisdom, everybody. That's just, that's the kind of stuff.

[B]

You think when you get up at 5:30 in the morning, like you get it 40 years later. Wait, they were saying, I see you pee.

[A]

I got smoked.

[B]

Why are you the joke? I'm watching you pee, dumbass. I saw your little ding a ling.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If you could go back and have your adult brain and people like spell eye cup and you go, I see you pee. And they're like, haha. Like, yeah, I watched you pee, and you got a tiny dick. You skateboard away.

[A]

Right?

[B]

You know, and I'd be great at Little League now, man. I watch my daughter play, and I'm like, can I please just have one off the machine?

[A]

Just one more.

[B]

Just one swing.

[A]

One more bat.

[B]

Just please. Do you know how good it would feel? And my daughter watches me just rip one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she'd go, mm. She probably wouldn't watch. She's so cool. I can't get her like that, making up a fake person in my mind. My daughter would be like, what.

[A]

What happened? Alex? She's playing Little League.

[B]

She's the coolest.

[A]

That's so fun.

[B]

She. Her team won 11 to 0. That's the advice you gave me when I. I ran into you outside of UCB Franklin. This had to be five years ago. I'm sorry. I just for a second thought. My daughter was four. My daughter's six. So this was seven years ago, and you said, let me give you some advice. And I've quoted you many times. You go, nobody cares about your kids.

[A]

Oh, God, that sounds so horrible.

[B]

You meant in Hollywood. He's like, you're going to want to go in every meeting and talk about your kids for, like, seven minutes.

[A]

Because I think I made that mistake.

[B]

Just don't do it. Did you? Oh, all the time flapping them.

[A]

Because I was that the phase I was in. I was a little League phase, and I was in these things, and I'd be like, you wouldn't believe what happened, you know? And I could watch these executives.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yes.

[A]

Go slack. Their jaw went slack and their eyes glazed over, and I realized, oh.

[B]

Anyway, you see a woman take her eggs out of the freezer and put them on the. On the desk to thaw. Oh, really? Is that what it's like?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

While she's looking at you. That really hurt. I hated that. If you did that to me, I would never forgive.

[A]

I hope I said it with a smile on my face.

[B]

You did. You did.

[A]

Because that sounds like cold.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

Okay, good.

[B]

That was you just mentioned in Hollywood.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Did you coach Little League? Because you sure look like you if you didn't coach. Did the coach keep looking to you like, all right, Parker, get in center field. You're like the batting coach for the coach.

[A]

I never took the reins as a, you know, head coach. Fully responsible. I was always the dad who volunteered to be the third base coach or to help with the scorekeeping or. I was always the volunteer dad, but I never took the reins.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Just because honestly, I would have loved to have done it. It was a. I'm. My schedule's too inconsistent.

[B]

No, I. I knew that. I knew that before. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. I love talk therapy. We talk a lot about talk therapy, which is double talk on this podcast. And you know how grateful I am for Dr. Gary Penn, whose book is available now. We always say that Dr. Gary Penn changed my life. Talk therapy changed my life. And this month, being all about gratitude, along with the person I just shouted out, Dr. Gary Penn, there's another person we don't get to thank enough, and that is ourselves. It's sometimes hard to remind ourselves that we are trying to make the most sense out of everything. And in this crazy world, that is not easy. So here is a reminder to send some thanks to the people in your life, including yourself. Talk therapy, we always say, is greater than the sum of its parts. Talking to a licensed professional can unburden you, can give you strategies to cope and navigate your life. Whether it's codependence, a breakup, a new job, a fresh start, anxiety. These things are really, really help to talk therapy. In my own personal experience, it empowers you to be the best version of yourself. It isn't just for those who experience major trauma. It's just for getting through the day to day in my experience. So if you're thinking of starting therapy, give BetterHelp a try. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire to get matched with a licensed therapist. You can even swap therapists, switching therapists at any time for no additional charge. So let's gratitude flow with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com weirdo today for 10% off your first month. That's better. H E L P betterhelp.com weirdo for 10% off your first month support the show. Support your life. We're also brought to us by our friends at Mud Water. I'm obsessed with mud water. I've been putting in my smoothie lately, which has been making me feel fantastic. Why? Because it's not just energy. It's energy and a warm, grounded feeling. Not jittery, but earthy and solid for when 3pm rolls around. Sometimes I'll have another mud water because it's so much better than licking the intense car battery of a cup of coffee and all those jitters that come with it. Mud Water is delicious. It's organic, it's gluten free and a vegan coffee alternative that is so chock full of goodness it's no wonder it makes you feel amazing. My energy is up and my sleep has improved now that I'm getting more natural energy and drinking less coffee. Powered by functional mushrooms and superfoods to boost your energy, your focus and your immune system, each ingredient in Mud Water serves a purpose for a clean natural boost. Their OG blend, which is what I drink, contains cacao and chai for a hint of caffeine and a hot chocolate like flavor, Lion's mane for focus, cordyceps to promote natural energy and both chaga and reishi to support healthy immune systems. Mud Water has like coffee's chill yoga loving cousin who went on a spiritual retreat and came back more Zen and without any of the jitters. Imagine being alert and calm at the same time while also not having trouble falling asleep at night. That's the adaptogens, that's the antioxidants and all those other fancy health words that make you feel superior to your coffee drinking friends. So head to mud water. Mud wt. Who has time for vowels? Mud. I know the use in there. Mud wtr.com and grab your starter kit for a limited time. Our listeners get up to 43 off your entire order. Free shipping and a free rechargeable frother. When you use Code Weird that's up to 43% off with CO with Code Weird at M u d w t r.com after your purchase, tell them we sent you support our show and tell them it was this show that brought you to them. Stay energized and refreshed all summer long and into these wintry months with Mud Water because life's too short for anything less than natural delicious energy. Let me ask you this. This is one mild an MMQ mild Marine question. But it's really about I love the MMQs baby. MMQs are.

[A]

Mild.

[B]

It's a mild Marine.

[A]

It's mild Marine.

[B]

You talk about you're setting up, you got your wagon wheel, you saw a UFO and you're going to sleep and you're not going to have your car running. And I just imagine there's a lot of discomfort. A friend of mine is a Navy seal. He talked about how they just got used to being uncomfortable. He also told me something I think about all the time. He goes, seals hate being cold. He's like, we hate being cold because they're probably always the whole training is.

[A]

Just a nonstop shiver right then non stop shivering.

[B]

So that's my question for you. Is As a Marine. Let's be honest, one of the cooler branches.

[A]

What? No big. What? What? What?

[B]

I mean, you guys got good pr. Even the word Marine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Pretty good word.

[A]

Pretty good word.

[B]

Pretty good word.

[A]

Yeah. Great uniforms.

[B]

Great uniform. You got the dress blues.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You got. Al Pacino. Was a Marine. Incentive woman.

[A]

No, he was an army. Oh, he was army.

[B]

Well, Colonel Frank Slade just went down a peg.

[A]

But the name Slade.

[B]

Slade is Slade. Makes him come on. Elevates him back to marines.

[A]

Yes. You know, whenever I love writing character names, that's like one of the best things in the world. And like Sledge and Slade, those are the best last names.

[B]

Lieutenant Frank Slade. Slade.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, God, it's great. He's so good. He's so. He's a badass. He didn't even done anything yet.

[B]

I know. Yeah. Slade. So how do you to this day cope with discomfort? Is it just agreeing with it?

[A]

You know what it is? It's. It's. And you are doing it right now. Discipline.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Getting in that cold water takes discipline.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Nobody wants to get in that fucking cold water.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Nobody.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Sorry if I'm cussing. Nobody wants to get in that cold water. Cock.

[B]

I just didn't want you to feel alone.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

I saw some shame going on.

[A]

Well, yeah. All of a sudden it hit me. I went, am I supposed to Maybe I shouldn't be cussing on Dirty Show.

[B]

That's what's confusing about my brand is I'll quote the Bible with you. And then five seconds later, I'm like, jizz. Like, I feel I've said this on stage. I'm like, if I picked one lane, I think I might be like a lot more popular.

[A]

That's why you're the best, though. That's why you're the best because no one can pin you down, baby, you are shook it. You are shaking and moving. You're shaking, Bake. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'm shaking, Baker.

[A]

I dig it the most, too. I dig it the most, baby. You know?

[B]

I dig it the most. What is that from? I dig it the most.

[A]

I know it's from a movie. It's from a movie.

[B]

I dig it the most.

[A]

I dig it the most. Fiction, I think it's got to be.

[B]

It's Travolta. You dig it the most. Talking about Amsterdam.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Glass of beer. He goes, that's it. I gotta go, baby. You dig it the most.

[A]

That's it.

[B]

I can't believe I got that reference. We've merged.

[A]

Yes. I. I've been saying it. Most of what I say is from movies. Yeah. They're just nuggets.

[B]

Well, you're in good company.

[A]

They're nuggets, baby.

[B]

You dig it the most. I can't believe I got it. It's.

[A]

Nailed it.

[B]

Feeling you should feel seen. And I have the pleasure of feeling like I see you, baby. You dig it. He's rolling the cigarette.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You dig it the most. Or he's taking the tobacco out of his mouth. Anyway. Okay. Discipline.

[A]

So discipline. Because. Yeah. Yes. There is a tremendous amount of discomfort. There's, there's discomfort in electing to. When you, when you, When. If you're going to do military things. Yeah. Most of that is not at a desk. Most. If you're going to do military things, you're, you're deployed. You're forward deployed. You're usually in the field.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And that means certain level of discomfort. That means a lot of, you know, we call our, you know, boots. We call them black Cadillacs. You know, you're going to take your black Cadillacs everywhere you're going to walk, everywhere you're going.

[B]

Pretty much that's the scene in the movie where they go, don't worry, we're going to take your black Cadillacs. I'm like, what, what's that? Blanc?

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

I'm Andy Dick. I thought it was a car.

[A]

Yeah, you're going to, you're going to. There's discovery and there's different levels. You know, like the Navy seals or any elite force. They are extreme.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right. They'll. They, they, they'll be submerged in a swamp.

[B]

Right.

[A]

For how long? Who knows? Till the mission's done or whatever.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And then there's, Then it scales back from there, right. You know, where you have a nice mess tent where there's food, like mash or whatever, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's. But there's.

[B]

Wait, were you in a hell week?

[A]

Are you.

[B]

Is that now we're. Now we're in just standard.

[A]

No, I mean, there was.

[B]

We have the water with the.

[A]

We have a thing called Crucible or whatever in the Marines. That's the end of your boot camp, end of your training, and you put.

[B]

On an Arthur Miller play.

[A]

Yes. Most people don't know this. I'm letting out too many secrets now. Now I've. I've probably said too much.

[B]

And now before you can be Marines, we shall dance like summoning witches in the woods of New England. Hoorah.

[A]

Arthur Miller.

[B]

I just looked at you to make sure it wasn't Disrespectful for me to say hoorah.

[A]

Oh, no. Okay, good.

[B]

All right.

[A]

But yes, discomfort is part of it, but discipline. Like, you know, you getting into that cold plunge every morning that, you know, when I sit above my cold plunge and I'm like a cat like this, I hit the timer and it starts. And I know at 10 seconds, yours fills up. No, no, no. I'm talking about my. Just my phone.

[B]

Oh, I see.

[A]

I keep it outside of the cold plunge just to see, you know, for my time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I literally hover above it. Like, I got my butt on one edge, I got my feet on the other, and I'm hovering above, and I hit the. The clock and it starts. And I know when it gets to 10 seconds, that's when I got to go in. Oh. So I give myself 10 seconds to get there. So I'm going, you know, I'm kind of like this. And then at the 10 second mark, I go submerge. I go in. Right. Well, and then for me, it takes me 30 seconds to catch my breath. Well, go like this. I can't hardly breathe and it hurts and it sucks. And my mind is screaming, get out. Get out. What the F? Blah, blah, blah. Right? It's terrible.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I hate it.

[B]

You never want to do it.

[A]

And then after 30 seconds, I get my breath and then a minute. When I see the minute mark, I'm usually like, okay, this sucks, but I'm in it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And now it's just get through.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And like, my girlfriend, she gets in and continues her conversation with me.

[B]

What?

[A]

She's like, so, what do you want to do after this? I'm like, you're not. You're not. She doesn't even take her breath away. Well, she's tough as nails.

[B]

Does she have an eye patch?

[A]

You would think.

[B]

Bob, I'm joining you in ice.

[A]

Bob. She is from Poland. That's why I'm learning Polish. So she's. She's Polish and she. She's. She used to spend her springs and summers swimming in the Baltic.

[B]

So she knows.

[A]

So she's like, this is a joke, you know, like, it's pathetic.

[B]

The military.

[A]

This is tough for you.

[B]

This. Oh, I just. Good to know. Maybe I will not help you with your Polish. And she's.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, she's a lot.

[B]

You do it together?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Yeah. And she's. And. And she's tough and disciplined and. But it doesn't affect her. Like, I have to. I have to. Like, it takes effort. Yeah, it takes effort.

[B]

Look, I don't mean to. I'm just trying to join the conversation. I noticed that since I've begun facing discomfort every day, it's just like the way. So the whole thing is, you know, you open the cold plunge and like, boy, if you don't think of something that you could adjust in the yard, does that look a little crooked?

[A]

Anything I can do to stall this? Anything I can do to evade this?

[B]

Exactly. And what's crazy is you're doing it, but it's real. It's like when you're, you know, when you're stony and you're paranoid, but like, you think it's real when you're paranoid, when you're avoiding something, you actually do think it's important to adjust. A tiki torch that keeps the mosquitoes away. I'm like, this should be even. What kind of a yard are we keeping here? So the real cold plunge is if I can open it and just immediately get in. I was also going to add a new number for you. They say 90 seconds is when it's only psychological, like the physical. You've kind of become numb. And it's just more of a psychological thing at that point. Have you heard the smile tip too?

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, they say smile.

[A]

I believe that. Yeah.

[B]

So I get in and I'm like.

[A]

I do believe that. I think I read one of the neuroscience. Somebody asked me the other day, there's some big reading thing going on in the nation. And somebody asked me a question about, you know, what book made an impact on your life or whatever. And other than the Bible or some of these, you know, anchors.

[B]

Yeah. And the Small Dale copy of the.

[A]

Constitution I have right here, right now. I wish I so, sir. I so wish, sir.

[B]

I'm gonna ask you to take two steps back. You don't even have to read it. It's like a shotgun. You just, you know, shotgun's the only gun you never have to fire. The Constitution is the only one you never have to read. You want to take a few steps back?

[A]

Step back, step back.

[B]

I got this at World Market.

[A]

I so wish at that moment I would have had one just. Just to make everybody go, what the fuck?

[B]

I would have loved it. All right.

[A]

One of the book is Dale Carnegie's how to Win Friends and influence People.

[B]

Ah, still.

[A]

So it. It was written in like 1929.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, you do. Like, if it's a dame, pinch your cheeks. If it's a fella, offer to smoke a cigarette. You just want to puff, then smoke the whole Thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He'll be so scared.

[A]

Easy on the Charleston, too, young man. Don't invite the devil in your life.

[B]

You want to win friends or the Beelzebub? The Charleston is the way to the ladder, sucker.

[A]

The prince of darkness is the one who enjoys dancing, sir.

[B]

I love it. You're gonna want a tapered pant and a tapered haircut. This is the first step.

[A]

So it still holds up, though. It really, really holds up.

[B]

What did you get from it?

[A]

As I read through it, it's basic stuff. It's really, you know, isn't that the one.

[B]

Like, people like dogs because dogs, like, reflect back to them and they ask.

[A]

I don't remember that part of it. What I remember, though, is simple stuff. Right. Just respect and. But start every interaction. This is one that stuck with me because my dad has this, and I. When I read the book, it all kind of. I connected dots. Smile. Start your interactions with a smile. Before you even say a word.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

As you're approaching, put a smile on your face and your interaction will go infinitely better. Nine times out of ten, and my dad was. Is. He's still alive. But when he was working, he was a great salesman. A great salesman. And people loved him. People liked him. They liked to have him around. He was always invited places whenever people come and go. You're. You're Bob Riggle, son. Oh, gosh. Bob. Bob. How is he, you know, Bob Riggle.

[B]

Great.

[A]

And. And he was called. His nickname was Smiling Bob. Smiling Bob, because he always had a smile on his face. He was always curious about what you were doing and what's going on in your life and all this stuff. And he just. But it was sincere, and he was so good at it. And I always saw how people responded to him. They responded so well to him. And it was earned, you know, because he was a genuine article and smiling. But when you were mentioning smiling, that was one of the big lessons from that book. Just smile. Smile, and you will see a difference in your life.

[B]

Well, I would. I'm not questioning the sincerity of your dad's smile.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But what I'm actually, I'm trying to deepen the compliment, because the smile in the cold plunge and the smile of a good salesman who does have an authentic connection to his product and his customer, but you might be smiling in the. In the knowledge that you will have a reason to like them in 30 seconds, but you might not have it yet. Does that make sense?

[A]

Yeah, but it starts it out right.

[B]

That's exactly right. It's. It's a prophecy. And look, I'm going to sound real old, but I do feel like the young people. I'm thinking of some of my younger friends. And if I were to.

[A]

I say it all the time, man. I say it all the time.

[B]

Man faced. They're nothing, they're given nothing. And you and I were both raised by these ham salesman motherfuckers, you know what I mean?

[A]

Well, who put the vibe out that.

[B]

Put the vibe in you.

[A]

And they want to engage with you?

[B]

My dad. Look, I like to tease my dad, but he takes over a room. He walks in, he's like the way.

[A]

He's not a. He's not a room taker.

[B]

Your dad is that way. Smiling Bob.

[A]

Smiling Bob is. He's. He's.

[B]

My dad is a room taker. He's a different flavor.

[A]

He's not a. He's not a room taker, but he is a funny man. Yeah, he's a charming man. And he. But he, He's. He's got this wonderful. He's probably one of the best people I've ever met.

[B]

Oh, cute. Real cute. Not condescending cute. Really? Motion. How nice. Can we send him the clip? I'm just kidding. Oh, Rob. I mean, he clearly had an impact on you. It's beautiful. I'm not milking it. I'm just giving it a little space.

[A]

I don't know why it hit me so hard. Yeah, he's getting older.

[B]

Yeah, well, that came up earlier. How is he in his 80s?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, he's. He's 84 in two days.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

What is today. Today the fifth or today's the fourth. Three days. Yeah.

[B]

Beautiful.

[A]

Oh, sorry about that. I got choked up.

[B]

Not at all.

[A]

I don't know why.

[B]

Well, we're talking a lot about being older and how much of that dad stuff is like coming to harvest. I think.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. I think when I think about him, you know, it's just all. It's good thoughts.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And. And he's such a good example that stuff hits you. Yeah, I don't want to forget that stuff.

[B]

Yeah, I love that. That's really special. A lot of comedians just have issues with their folks, so it's really nice to see somebody be like, God damn it, dude.

[A]

He's a good one, though. I feel blessed. Yeah. I really do.

[B]

What's he like as an older great?

[A]

Still. Still charming, still fun, still engaged. Still just so curious about what's going on in my sister's life, in my life, in his grandchildren's lives. You Know, he's taking care of my mom. You know, she's struggling a little bit with some health issues. So, you know, he. He really looks after her.

[B]

And does he like your mom?

[A]

Oh, loves her, clearly. Still. Still after 63 years. Yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

You know.

[B]

Ah, that is Steve Rogers right there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's some Captain America stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I have the chills thinking about it.

[A]

Yeah. Good examples.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Good examples. But it. Watching him through his life and then, you know, reading other people's wisdom about smiling, etc. You know, and then the. The true test, which I actually did, I incorporated it into my life and I said, I'm going to be disciplined about this and I am going to engage the world with a smile and I'm going to greet people with smiles. And even people I know, I'm about to go in and disagree with them, you know, or I know that I'm going to get over by the Avis guy. You know, I'm still going to start this conversation with, hey, how's it going, man?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, I'm going to try. I'm really going to step forward with my best self.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then, you know, it'll devolve into a Costco parking lot where I tell people I'll murder them. But you don't know the level of.

[B]

Training you're with right now.

[A]

You are so close to death. You know, as I'm wrenching my steering.

[B]

Wheel, do you know the vantage points I've alphabetized?

[A]

Yeah. So I'm still a work in progress. Yeah. You know.

[B]

Oh, yeah. No, I don't think you're at risk.

[A]

But I found that when I did this. When I did this, Start off with a smile. Start off from a place of smile.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It changed the way the world reacted to me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it was noticeable and it was better.

[B]

And that came from that book.

[A]

It came from that book. And. And when I obviously connect the dots. Oh, it came from a lifetime watching my dad, too.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Smile.

[A]

Smile, Bob.

[B]

There it was. Yeah. And then. It's funny, that's such a parenting thing. It's like, now that you've heard it somewhere else, why is that?

[A]

I know I have so much wisdom to. To bestow upon my children. Yeah. It's so many great hard lessons. Hard lessons about the whole spectrum of life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That I would love to just inundate. And my kiss.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, they hear me. They're gracious, but they don't. They're like. They don't care. And the Thing is, I have to let it be because I did the same to my folks, you know? I mean, I was there, I listened, I heard. But.

[B]

Well, that's my joke about.

[A]

But then I read it somewhere, and I'm like, oh, this guy from 1929 said what my dad's been saying.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then you connect. You're like, oh, fuck. And it's that old country song, you know, the more I try to prove him wrong, the more I prove him right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know.

[B]

No, it's true. That's why I said if I could just hit one at Little League. That's not what would impress my daughter. What would actually impress my daughter is something I don't want to do, which is like, easing up a little bit or not trying to teach her so much or whatever it might be, because even at 6, she's already, like. I asked her, I was like, lee, do you like teaching me things, or do you like it when I teach you things? And she was like, I like teaching you things. And I was like, I think I'm getting a picture of what's going on here. And it's not the dad that hits a home run at her Little League game and Moon walks into the dugout and gets high five from her friends.

[A]

Well, and that's another thing, too.

[B]

You thing, dad.

[A]

Well, that's a. And this is part of, like, you know, the whole always seeking self improvement. Always seeking self improvement. That's just kind of a staple in my life. I try to make a step, but one of them is I got into the habit. And I still do. But if someone brings something up, I want to connect with them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I jump in and tell my story.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

About whatever we're talking about.

[B]

That's why you're a good podcast guest. It's true.

[A]

Well, but. But then the problem is, is I've taken away their opportunity to share. Or it may sound like I'm one upping them, or it may. It may come across in ways that I never imagined, because to me, it was. Oh, I did that too. And here's. Here was my experience. What do you think?

[B]

I know you mean, but that is our training. That's our showbiz training.

[A]

But I also worry because it may shut people down.

[B]

Yeah. I was just at a dinner last night. I kept saying not to make it about me. And then I realized I was like. Or I could just stop making it about me. Like, I always give the caveat, but.

[A]

I have to work on that. I know I have to work on that.

[B]

But I'll also. Look.

[A]

But I also. I also want to keep the conversation lively, and I want to contribute.

[B]

I'll tell you. Look, I'll make this real quick, because I've told this story before, but when Val. So Val does the Friday episodes with me, then she, like, she told me she listened to someone else's podcast where it's a similar setup, like a husband and wife, and she was like, I. It meant a lot to me. She was like, I understood then what you're doing, because I'm a real jackass. And I'm. I am interrupting, and I'm getting very excited, and I flare up over here, and I forget something, and out of nowhere, I say, have you ever seen a ghost or whatever it might be? And then she was like, oh, I saw what happens when someone's just like. And then when you were a Marine, did you notice that you were walking more. I'll take my answer off the air. Like, it sucks. So it's. It's always in the middle. Yeah, it's always in the middle.

[A]

Well, and you're right. We do. Like, in this environment, we're. We're working in a way to entertain and keep people, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Interested.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

And Cap.

[B]

So this is the appropriate place for it.

[A]

Exactly. But. But I. I do notice, you know, that sometimes that can come across, and it's so funny, because I'll see it in other people and I'll be like, you know, take it down a notch, guy. Let this guy finish his story or let him say his piece. Oh, here we go. One. You know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yours was better. Right? I got it.

[B]

Right. Right.

[A]

And then I realized maybe that's. Maybe I do that too, sometimes. And so it. You know. But I know I am not doing it out of a place of. I don't think it's not coming from a bad place. I don't believe it's coming from a place of, I want to contribute, but now I have to realize, okay, maybe you want to contribute. Maybe there's a time and a place, and maybe there's an amount that you contribute.

[B]

Right, right, right, right.

[A]

Which is so hard for me because sometimes I just want to jump in and run my mouth.

[B]

I know, but the way. Look, it depends on the mood I'm in. But sometimes I come across a person like me, and I'm like, thank God this guy's here. And sometimes I run into a person like me, and I'm like, shut the f. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yes. Yeah, of course I do.

[B]

Did you join the Marine? Because your story is interesting. You joined the Marines, and then somewhere down the line, you knew all along that you wanted to be in show business. Comedy and acting was in there. And I've seen you talking about all the Marines that became comedians and actors. And so it's not like you were the first.

[A]

No.

[B]

Not even close person. In the good way. Like, there's a precedent for that. But the moment when you. I saw you had a book and you wrote I'm going to be on snl, because you're like, I've never quit something. If I'm going to quit something. I wanted to have a goal, and I want to achieve that goal. And it was 10 years to the day that you got us now. But I'm curious, I'm going to say something, and then I want you to tell me where it's wrong and if it is. All right. Did you join the Marines because that's something you thought you could, like, impress and grow and maybe what you were supposed to do. And then when you did comedy, you were like, no, that's what I really want to do. Like, you needed the. To do that thing to uncover. You didn't know your secret desire. What does that make you think of? I didn't quite phrase it right, but you know what I mean.

[A]

No, no, I kind of. I kind of got it. So. So. Because they are polar opposites.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, on the spectrum of life, it seems like they're.

[B]

Well, one's a star and one's a member of a team.

[A]

Yeah, right. And. And for me, there's. There's a lot of elements. There's no one silver bullet thing. There was a lot of elements. One element was I always loved comedy and comedy acting. I was a child of the 80s. So Meatballs, Caddyshack, Stripes, Ghostbusters, you know, these movies, I knew chapter and verse. I would. I could quote them from the beginning to the end. I knew every character. I knew every inflection, I knew every look, because I loved it. I absolutely loved it. It made me laugh. I loved the sarcasm. I loved the Witness. I loved everything about it. Also a child of the 80s from Kansas. I just didn't think there was a path to that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Okay. You know, and that's my own limit prison. That's my own limitation. No one put that on me.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

No, but that. But that was just my conception of things. Right.

[B]

Some people don't have that. Like Scott Avett, who was growing up in North Carolina, said once he started A band. He thought if they played with the window open, someone from show business would.

[A]

Walk by, walking by and say, I gotta sign you, kid.

[B]

And he really just had that. I was more of that camp. I was like, any second now. But you were. I was reasonable.

[A]

I was just reasonable in the sense that I just didn't see a path to that. And I didn't even know if I had any talent. I just knew what I loved.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I unequivocally loved comedy, specifically comedy, acting, movies and that kind of stuff.

[B]

Was there a moment where you were funny that like, kind of.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I would get kudos if I was in a sketch or if I, you know, I used to do shows down at the lake house for my aunts and uncles and, you know, and I'd pass the hat. And then we'd get quarters and nickels and dimes and at the end of the summer we'd go down to Bagnall Dam and go. Go karting and water sledding and all this stuff. So that was. That was all summer we put on shows and then at the end of summer we had a big piggy bank and we'd go basically just buy taffy and do. Do water slides. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But. So awesome. But. But it was fun and I. And I liked it and I enjoyed it. And I. Moments of doing little comedy bits, like on the high school radio station, I would do little comedy bits and they would always get positive feedback and I'd be like, okay, you know. And then I was voted most humorous in my senior class. And, you know, just little things that were little indicators that maybe, I don't know, maybe, maybe, but it just never seemed attainable or real.

[B]

Were these things you were writing or were you writing both classics?

[A]

Both.

[B]

Yeah. But you did write some?

[A]

Yeah. Wow. And then we had a thing in my high school called forensics, which is little vignettes. So it wasn't theater, but it was little vignette competitions. So improvised duet acting ideas. They have scene work, duet acting, DA's, you'd have all these different categories and then you go compete. Right. And so I did that and I liked it. You know, I really enjoyed. I enjoyed the improvised duet acting. I enjoyed doing. Preparing a scene and doing the scene and all this stuff like the frog and the peach and just weird, you know, comedy scenes. So anyway, I did that stuff, but again, never thought much of it. Then I got to college.

[B]

Sorry, I don't know what the frog and the peaches. And there's no better, like, if it was fake. And I was talking to like a really old guy. Like a really old guy. He's like, of course, I got my son vaudeville doing Frog in the Peach stuff. Pretty standard, you know, a looky loo, ponytail, frog in the Peach. And of course, we'd close with I love the frog.

[A]

Be pretty standard. Pretty standard.

[B]

It would close by doing a reprieve of frog and the peach. This time the peach ate the frog.

[A]

This time, of course, in French, as.

[B]

Was the style of the time, as.

[A]

Was the original text. Now I'm all of a sudden, I'm a Southern colonel. The original text of Frog and the Peas was of course, French.

[B]

Now, new frog in the beach. We'll get to it, fella. We'll get to it.

[A]

Before Steady, Cavendish.

[B]

Here's Teddy Roosevelt with an announcement.

[A]

Boo.

[B]

Frog in the Peach.

[A]

Frog in the Peach was a comedy sketch written by Dudley Moore and his comedy partner at the time, who. His name escapes me. And it was just a little two person scene.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And pretty simple stuff.

[B]

But it was the frog going to eat the peach.

[A]

I don't even remember. I just remember one of the lines was, he's not a well person. And he was like, it's not a well person. And then they were confused about is he like physically well or in a well? And it was like, that's the kind of stuff. It was all right. It was very English.

[B]

I'm not saying he's in a well, I'm saying he's not doing well.

[A]

Right, right. So he's not a well person. No, I guess technically, no. He's not a well person in two ways.

[B]

He's neither doing well nor is he stuck in a well currently.

[A]

And that's literally the accents and everything. Yeah, So I did that stuff. Yes. And I loved it again, though, just I was never seeing a light at the end of the tunnel. Now, parallel to this experience was I'm in college. My parents were gracious enough to pay for my college, so I was very blessed and I felt like I needed to graduate with a degree in something and then go do something, get a job and start providing for my life. Now, as I started getting, I had nothing interested me except for the comedy and acting. But so I became a theater major, a theater and film major. And I was loving it. But again, nothing interests me. However, at the time, I was very. I was very patriotic. Always been a very patriotic guy. That's just me. I'm a very patriotic guy. And I thought, well, maybe I can serve, you know, maybe that's a good thing to do because it. It also filled me with a lot of pride, made me feel good. It made me feel like I had a purpose. And I figured, just like the ads say, it's a great place to start. You know, it's a really great place to start. And for me, when I joined, I was 19 years old. I was in college. I think I was a sophomore college. And I was. It was a. It was a bridge. It was a pathway from boyhood to manhood. Because when you show up at Officer Candidate School, you are alone.

[B]

You were initiated. And so. So few men are.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I know that usually has, like, a negative slant to it, but that's part of, like, the. I won't just say it's a masculinity crisis. It's like a meaning of life bridging into the second world.

[A]

There's that. Well, there's that moment in everybody's life. Life when you realize you're alone and not in a bad way. It's not like I didn't have family or love or. But it was like, I have to get through this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And no one's here to say, well, let me help you do that. Let me help you carry that.

[B]

Education rights are that way.

[A]

You have to do it. And you either do it or you don't do it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And especially at Officer Canada School, because they're trying to get rid of you. They're not. You're not. You didn't. You know, they're not there to.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Make you a Marine. You know, they're there to screen and evaluate and get rid of you. Wow. So my platoon started with 64. We graduated.

[B]

32 people pleaser. I'd be like, you got it. Get out of here, maggot. You got it, sir.

[A]

Absolutely no worries.

[B]

Don't know what I was thinking. So then he's like, no. You're supposed to kind of stick around a little.

[A]

Supposed to fight for it, man. But those parallel tracks. Right. So. So I still always had the hope and the dream over here of I want to. I love. I would love to do this.

[B]

So that was always there.

[A]

Always there. But the practical side of me said, but I need to. I need to have a foundation. I need to have a base. And this seems like the thing that inspires me the most and makes me feel the best. And I'm going to do this. And it's literally a base, and it's a solid base. And I had my pilot's license. I got my pilot's license. So I had a flight contract. And, you know, that was. There was some sex appeal to that. I was like, maybe I'll be a pilot. And when you're 19, 20 years old, you don't know no from shinola. You just know that I want to make good choices and decisions and kind of. Well, then as I got into the Marines and pushed my way through and got, you know, down that road, I kept coming back. And so I said, you know what? I think I'm going to try to do this thing. I'm going to. Because I just. It's. It's in me, and I. The. The. The itch has to be scratched.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Otherwise, I'll. I'll. It'll torture me. And that's how I ended up making the choices and the decisions that got me into a position to even try to make it happen.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. In comedy, you mean.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

No, I understand. And by the way, worst question of all, podcast history. Best answer? Because I was trying to get you to say what you just said, and you're such a great guest that I was like, now, did you join the Marines? I won't even do an impression. It was so all over the place. But really well done. You made me think of something, and my riff about how stupid my question was made it sort of go away. But just. Just give me a moment. Talking about the Marines, I guess it was sort of like the meaning of life, but it was something else. This is good. This is good.

[A]

Was it the parallel tracks? Was it the.

[B]

Oh, I like this. You're trying to help.

[A]

Is it sparked? Well, I was somebody I really appreciate. I'm always like, that's it. That's.

[B]

Yeah, no, I know that's what I usually do, but you're the guest and you're trying to help the host remember what he was going to say.

[A]

Well, I wouldn't trade a thing. I wouldn't trade a moment. I wouldn't trade any of it. Not one part of the journey.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Even the horrible parts.

[B]

I got it. You did it.

[A]

Yeah. Okay.

[B]

You knew what you were doing. The thing, the aspect of the military that has been the most interesting to me, and anybody listening to this knows that this is the thing I go to the most, is reintegration. So I know this is going to sound absurd, but when I watch the movie American Sniper and whatnot, he comes back and he has a really hard time just kind of being in his family. And it's a nice movie in that, like, you see that he is charismatic, he is engaged, he's just had this peak experience and a little bit of a trauma bond with his boys. And also a purpose overload, meaning very. Look, you know, I have deep respect. I'm just saying there is a mild parallel with being on the road as a stand up, meaning there's a mission. I have to do this. We even, you know, you either kill or you die.

[A]

Yeah. Kill or be killed.

[B]

Kill or be killed. There is a little bit of a fight flight in my body, of course, a little on edge, and I get a lot of comfort in going. I get to the airport very early. I pack very minimally. I don't do shit. People say, did you go to the museum? I'm like, excuse me. I feel most like an assassin. I'm like, I'm here to kill the governor.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

I'm not here to see your wares. And then. And my wife and family are wonderful at this. But when I get back, there's usually a day where I'm a little weird. With all respect, I'm not saying it's the same. I'm saying that's why I relate when I watch movies like American Sniper to bring it back to reality. I'm curious what your experience is if you're in a situation. It really is probably kind of like a flow state. The flow state is there's very clear data. So you have your mission, you have your, your parameters. You even talk about the wagon wheel structure of the. Of the security and all this stuff. You have a mission, you have your team, you have your ranks. It's like a flow state orgy and failure really matters. I just learned this, like, one of the things for flow state is that there has to be a consequence. This is why they make video games really hard now, is because you'll invest more in them. But in a real life situation, you're like, I could die, teammate could die, all that sort of stuff. So you come back and now you're going to the grocery store and people are like tomato paste or tomato sauce. I mean, it's got to be infuriating. Could you please tell me a little bit about that? I mean, I can't imagine.

[A]

Well, I think you're not wrong. Listen to the parallels between. Because you're in such a heightened state.

[B]

Yeah, I'd say my nervous system doesn't know the difference. You and I do.

[A]

It's fight or flight. Yeah, it's fight or flight. When you are standing on a stage and it's 200, 300 people in the crowd and they're all drinking a cocktail, looking at you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you have a microphone in your hand and ain't nobody coming to save you.

[B]

Right. Right.

[A]

Okay. It's fight or flight.

[B]

Calling an air support.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It doesn't work.

[A]

Exactly. You know, that's. I. That's one of the things I loved about long form improv is I was on stage with eight other folks, six other folks that are really funny, really talented, and we could always play off each other. There was always a walk on. There was always an edit of the scene. We start something like. And it was fantastic. Fantastic. I loved it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Stand up is a different beast.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Stand up is. You know, you're in a crow's. You, you. It's. It's you against them. And not in an ugly way, but it is a way of. Look, I'm here to take you on a journey. Please come with me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I hope you enjoy it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, and. And, boy, it is intense.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, I've been shot at and I've been on stage, and the adrenaline is about the same.

[B]

Dude. Look, the reason I relate and know you're not lying is the body. We're talking about the body we're talking about. You said it. Fight, flight. Our bodies are overreacting all the time. The adrenaline that you feel when you're being shot at is appropriate, but we're firing off inappropriate levels of adrenaline all the time. And that's what I tell standups. I'm like, you're gonna think you're in physical danger.

[A]

Yeah. The audience has no appreciation because they watch the comedian who has spent their 10,000 hours getting to a place.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To entertain you. And they make it look effortless.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But the simple truth is, is you are standing there being as vulnerable as you can possibly be.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

You might as well be naked on that stage.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because you are. You are opening up yourself to everybody's judgment. Everybody's. Whatever their picadillos or their problems or whatever, you know, And I didn't like that. I like, you know, you have to open yourself up. And then with a smile and charm and whatever else, you can bring to the table all your resources to the table to entertain you, to make you laugh and bring you joy. Right. And still you may suffer the slings and arrows of hate.

[B]

Right. And you're in such a heightened state, you might only focus on what you didn't do. Right.

[A]

Right. And that's another thing I've done, you know, 45 minutes, set. And come off and killed for 44 minutes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But the one thing that didn't land.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think about it for two days.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's like, that's not. That's not proportionate.

[B]

Right.

[A]

That's not right.

[B]

I take comfort, and I say this to you to hopefully give you that comfort. That's every artist in any discipline.

[A]

That's true.

[B]

Is all they say. I forget who said it, but they say, all I see are my mistakes. And that's what compels us to keep doing it and go for that perfect.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sort of thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it. Because when you do it right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you have a great night.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And there's. And by the way, there's more of those than are bad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you have great nights.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you walk up the stage, you feel like, I think I'm doing what I should be doing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I feel like this is what I'm supposed to be here for.

[B]

Right. Right.

[A]

I feel it.

[B]

Well.

[A]

And then. That's a wonderful thing. It is. It's a wonderful thing.

[B]

Well, that's. Again, John Vervecki just did the podcast. He's the meaning crisis guy, and he was saying, what do you want to exist even after you're alive? And what are you doing to contribute to it? Obviously, it's your children. And then you would say your country. Certainly I would, too. But, I mean, I'm just trying to guess your answers. And then it's comedy. Like, I'm not even one of those guys. I used to BE in my 20s, I was like, really? About the flag of comedy. Now I can kind of calmly and evenhandedly say, also, I'm trying to contribute to this thing that I love.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But not in a fanatical way, but in a very well.

[A]

And I think as you. As you age, too, you have so many. You have so much more. So many more experiences, so many more consequences, so many lessons, hard lessons, some good, some whatever. But you have so much more to offer as you get older that you don't only. Not only do you want to entertain and fly the flag of comedy, you also like, hey, and if I can help you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Avoid these landmines that are out there. Let me show you how to sidestep this one, because it's a doozy.

[B]

And I felt bad frustration, too, with younger comics. And that's why I have the podcast. See, you and I can both interrupt and talk about ourselves in. This place is appropriate also give comedy advice. It's appropriate here. I find a lot. A lot of Opposition. A lot of younger people. Not a lot, but like, I don't know. I sound like an old man, but I'm like, don't you want to know how I got this thing? Like. And it took me 10 years to get it. Wouldn't you like to know? Then you start a podcast and you can say it as many times as you want.

[A]

Absolutely. Absolutely.

[B]

Well. And still no one's listening.

[A]

And there's also that, I think, where, you know, young. Young people too. I love the piss and vinegar that's in them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because that's what makes them, you know, so tenacious and so. Because we had it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, where it's like, you know, I gotta listen to this old timer, you know, talk shit. I'm sorry. You know, I'm sorry you got your heart broke, old man.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Maybe you should have done better. You know, you talk that shit because you don't know any better.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Your heart's going to get broken someday. You're going to be in a pain locker. You're going to be. These things will happen to you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And. And then we'll see.

[B]

And that's what, that's what's beautiful about stand up is one of the things that keeps me from going like full Kanye west or something is I know I'm. I could be. It could be tonight. That set that humbles me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I like that. I like that it's built in and.

[A]

It'S a high wire act.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Every time. I don't think people like the crowd has no appreciation because comedians make it look effortless. It is not.

[B]

Yeah, it is.

[A]

It is max effort.

[B]

It is even here.

[A]

Can you give me a quick five minute set?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And then you got to make it look like.

[B]

Right.

[A]

No, man, it's.

[B]

It's Quaaludes help.

[A]

That's about the only thing.

[B]

That's the only thing that'll do it.

[A]

Only thing.

[B]

That's the best advice I can give you. Lewds. You can't get them anymore. But if you can, it's a big.

[A]

I said that you went away with loose because of all the drugs. I've never. I was never a drug guy because I was always in the Marines.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it was never even an option for me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And many a green room would I have to walk out of because the bongs were just.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Overwhelming. Right.

[B]

Secondhand failure.

[A]

Like, I gotta get the. Out of here.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

But so it was never. That was never there. But I always thought, you know, lewds would be the way to go.

[B]

I don't even know what a lewd does.

[A]

I think that it relaxes, mellow you out. Yeah, it's probably like a tranquilizer. What's the indica? Yeah, yeah, it's probably like that or times 10.

[B]

We all know it from Wolf of Wall street. And we're picturing him laying on the street and I'm, you know, you're an addict when I. I'm watching that and I'm like, that looks nice.

[A]

I was like, that's so relaxed.

[B]

He looks relaxed.

[A]

He looks so relaxed.

[B]

I know he has to get in his car right now, but if he didn't.

[A]

Oh, if he was smart about it. Yeah. It was poolside.

[B]

He could be watching Step Brothers.

[A]

Oh, he could be doing so many things right now.

[B]

Is there a Step Brothers story? Because I love that movie. I watch it once a year, so I'm not.

[A]

People ask me all the time, like, what was my favorite movie to be part of? And it's Step Brothers. And I loved a lot of movies that I've been fortunate enough to be in, but Step Brothers to me was this wonderful moment of improv. We did so much improvising on that movie that I swear to you, you could make a completely parallel movie with the stuff they left on the cutting room floor.

[B]

They should, by the way.

[A]

I pray.

[B]

They should.

[A]

I pray that Adam McKay puts together.

[B]

The wine mixer is in Camarillo.

[A]

Yeah. But it was. There was so much funny improvising and.

[B]

And you can tell.

[A]

Vibe was so good. You know, I. I have so much respect for. For Adam as a writer and a comedian and a director, because he has. He just generates these magnificent thoughts and he'll throw them out from Video Village.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you hear it and you just break.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Before you can even get re. You know, back to one so that you can try it. You're just fucking broken.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And so he's throwing out ideas. You're throwing out ideas. And it. You know, the greatest feeling in the world is when you get, like, Will or Adam to laugh.

[B]

Oh, my God. Did you.

[A]

Oh, many a time. And that's because they're gracious, too. They're. They're gracious people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And Will's. For Farrell's the most gracious. Really. I find him to be the most gracious because he's. It's his movie. He's the star.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And yet if you get into a play, you know, where you're playing and you're improvised, he was more than willing to Allow you to be silly and he'll be straight. Wow.

[B]

You know, and it was that way.

[A]

In the other guy because he served. In my opinion, he serves comedy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He doesn't serve well. He serves comedy. And so he won my everlasting affection. And. Because I just realized as I was chewing up scenery, as some might say, you know, in these moments or whatever, that he was very gracious because he knew the funny thing was the funny thing, and where he could serve that better would be, oh, I guess I'm. I guess I'll be the straight guy. Right. And then he would do it without a thought instead, because that served what was.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And. And it was never like a thing where. Okay, now let's redo it. Where I get to do that.

[B]

Right.

[A]

No, it wasn't.

[B]

I have that line.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. Because he was just serving the. So that kind of graciousness.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, this business doesn't always exist.

[B]

Yeah. No.

[A]

So that's why I'm. I'm. You know, I pledge allegiance to him as well, you know, because he was so gracious in those moments.

[B]

I only know one Will Ferrell. It's not even really a story. It's. Somebody told me that was on snl that if the sketch bombed, Will was the only guy that would go backstage and go, well, that one didn't work. Instead of, like, taking it personally. But he also wouldn't be, like the glory hog if it did work. To your point, he was just serving the comedy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's like, it didn't work or it did work.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it's. We're not here for me. We're here for comedy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And whoops a doodle or hey, yeah, we should do that again.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

So that movie was always fun because Adam, I think, had a technique where he would do one take as scripted because that's what the studio paid for.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then he'd give you notes and you would do another take as scripted with notes. And then we do, like, six or seven takes of. What do you got?

[B]

Wow.

[A]

You know, or try this or how about this? Or how about that? Or. And then you kind of played. You just played. It was. That kind of vibe was like, when we're at the catalina wine mixer, the only note he gave me was, go, Go make brennan or Will's character Brennan, go make his life hell. Go make his life hell. So I'm kind of his pseudo boss, you know, like. You know, I'm like, in between. I'm a middleman you know, so I. You know, first take, I go up and I'm like, you know, where can. Hey, you know, good job on the Kelly and Wyoming. She looks like everybody's having fun. Where can. Where can you score cocaine on an island? Do you know? You know, he'd be like, I don't know, Randy. I don't know. You know, I don't even think they have it on a. And I'd be like, you know, I'm just busting his balls, right? Find the cocaine, shut your mouth. You know, like this kind of stuff. And just giving him impossible things to deal with, right? Second take, second take, do it again. Just keep giving him. So I'm like, all right. So I go up to him and I go, how do you get a body off an island? He's like, what? I go, how do you get a body off an island? You know? And he's like, are you. Are you in trouble? I go, there was 100 questions just real simple. How do you get. And he's like. He's like, if you're in trouble, man, tell me, right? You know? So then the last take, right? The last take. It's the last one. He goes, all right, keep going. The only note was, go give him. Go give him a hard time. Go give him trouble. So I go. I go, I don't know what is about your face, but I can't fucking stand it, you know? Like, I fucking hate your face. If you don't change it, I'm gonna change it for you. Like, threatening to beat his face with my fist, you know, like every time. That made the movie. Is that right? But that's what I'm saying. Like, it was. It was that. That kind of freedom.

[B]

You don't get that kind of freedom.

[A]

You don't get that kind of body. How often.

[B]

Real simple.

[A]

Not rocket science, okay, Brennan, there's a body.

[B]

How do you get it off an island?

[A]

And I love it, too, because he was. He was processing it as if your boss came to you, you had to deal with this. And he's so real that he would be like, are you in trouble? Scared?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Are you in trouble? Do I need to. I was like, shut up and help me. You know? And then the last thing was, you know, I can't hear what you're saying, okay? Because your face is bothering me so much. And to his credit, he was like. He's like, all I can do is take that in and process it and work on it. I go, I can't even fucking hear what you're saying, because your face is driving me nuts. And then I was like, you better change her. I'm gonna change it for you. And he's like, I don't want that. And I go. I go, you got a fight coming. You know? And he's like, I don't. I don't want this. You know, like, begging.

[B]

Don't want this. See what Will, I mean, obviously, you're amazing in that scene, but when people think about what's funny to say, what good improv, what I think that is, is Will is just saying the truth.

[A]

Honest.

[B]

I don't want that.

[A]

I. I don't want trouble.

[B]

So funny. I don't want that.

[A]

I don't want that. Because it's. That's the most honest reaction.

[B]

It's earnest.

[A]

If your boss came to you with.

[B]

This ridiculousness, work on that.

[A]

You'd be like, I. All I can do is take that in and work on it and try to do better. And, you know, like, that's because that's an honest answer. That's all you can.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And that's why he's a genius, right? Absolute genius. But the level of play. It wasn't just me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They let so many. Everybody played.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's why I think it's kind of a special movie.

[B]

It is. It's an incredible movie. Well, we are out of time. I could talk to you for nine more years. Real quick before we leave, shit goes down. What are you going to do in this room behind that couch?

[A]

Oh, no. I've already identified three exit points. I mean, I would egress. I get two window egresses on the door. I'm sorry to say that you might be a human shield. I said might. Might.

[B]

I don't know, Katie. Might be a human shield.

[A]

Might be.

[B]

Thanks for not picking me. I'm such an obvious human shield. I'd be a funny human shield, too. Like, the way I would die would be kind of funny. Like, kind of unflattering. You'd talk about it later.

[A]

This. There's something behind me, behind a curtain. I don't know if it's a solid wall or not. I haven't had a chance to survey it.

[B]

That curtain's good for hiding.

[A]

Could be. Hiding is always a bad option.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Evade. Evade? What's evade?

[B]

Evade means run.

[A]

You need distance. Yeah. Hiding's the last resort.

[B]

It's interesting because there's that episode of House of Cards. Did you watch House of Cards?

[A]

I did.

[B]

Remember that. Horrible.

[A]

But it was years ago.

[B]

Oh, I know. Kevin Spacey. Noted.

[A]

I.

[B]

No, no, no, it wasn't.

[A]

I'm not even a cancel guy. I just didn't. It's been years since I watched the last season.

[B]

Well, there was that horrible scene where the. Did you watch it? Anyway, he. This guy, the alcoholic, he was his. What's the president's right hand man name?

[A]

Oh, Chief of Staff.

[B]

Chief of Staff. Sorry.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So he's Chief of. Doug, the Chief of Staff.

[A]

Oh, he was the guy that took the girl out into the desert.

[B]

So he's taking the girl out into the desert.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right. So he takes a girl out into the desert. It's one of the worst.

[A]

He. He lets her go and then he drives down the road and he's like, I can't do this, I gotta go back. And.

[B]

Well, it's one of the most brutal. If you haven't seen it, it's almost worth watching. Just skip this part of the conversation and just maybe go, what? But anyway, this is exactly what I'm talking about. So he's got a hostage in a van and he takes her into the desert. He has her dig her own grave. It's horrible.

[A]

Horrible.

[B]

And then she actually does talk him out of it.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

So he drives away.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And you're watching and you're so relieved. And she's walking. And then the nightmare of nightmares. You see the van is coming back. And then it cut hard cuts to. He's putting dirt on the grave. It doesn't show it. So I think about this all the time. This is my own sort of fight flight. I. I'll be falling asleep. I'm just like, what would I. What should she have done?

[A]

Run. She lets him go into the woods, not on the main road.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

That's.

[B]

Well, that's. Evade.

[A]

Evade.

[B]

But he. She didn't have a lot of time. You gotta evade.

[A]

I know, but the second she had separation from him, the second he was out of sight.

[B]

Run.

[A]

Evade.

[B]

Run towards the mountain.

[A]

Evade.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But that one haunted me too. I did not like, like that.

[B]

I think because she didn't have a long time, she needs to evade. But then she needs to hide.

[A]

Agreed.

[B]

And then she needs to wait.

[A]

Agreed.

[B]

A couple days.

[A]

Agreed. Yeah. Evade isn't necessarily a 15 minute thing.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you don't know how much time you have. I, I mean, I, I love that we were both haunted by that episode. Troubling.

[A]

That was a very painful scene. Very, very painful. Very, very haunting.

[B]

But garbage in, garbage out. Am I Right. I did not plan that.

[A]

That was. That was just.

[B]

That is how. Would you. Rob, anything to plug?

[A]

Not yet.

[B]

We'll put it in at the top.

[A]

Okay. Yeah, I got. I've shot a couple movies this year. Hopefully they'll be coming out. Very excited. Drama, comedy, and a horror movie. So it kind of covered the genre. And then working on a book.

[B]

We'll plug whatever you got. And this is Evergreen. Anyway, just go check out everything Rob is doing. Would you say keep it crispy? It's how we end. There's no. There's no trick here. It's just the guest says the catchphrase.

[A]

Oh, do I say down on the. Do I look down on the camera or look at you?

[B]

Yeah, you could do it down the barrel. And you could do it like you're saying it to a group of Marines.

[A]

Keep it crispy.

[B]

So it is what I think.

[A]

Why we all talk like this? We bark, bark, bark, bark.

[B]

You think this isn't real?

[A]

This is what we do every day.

[B]

I eat pieces of shit like you for breakfast. We can't stop.

[A]

Eat your breakfast, my crispy.

[B]

Perfect.