Ryan Sickler Returns

Summary

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Podcast Summary

Podcast: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
Episode: Ryan Sickler Returns
Air Date: June 24, 2026
Host: Pete Holmes
Guest: Ryan Sickler (comedian, host of The Honeydew & former Crab Feast podcast)

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Brief Overview

This episode is a freewheeling, hilarious, and heartfelt conversation between Pete Holmes and comedian Ryan Sickler. Beyond the laughs and bits, the duo dive deep into secret weirdness, aging, health struggles (including Sickler’s rare disease), wild ghost stories, conspiracy theories, drones and safety, the paranormal, and the struggle of self-producing comedy in the internet age. The episode moves seamlessly from silly banter to vulnerable storytelling, embodying both comedians' signature blend of wit and authenticity.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Realities and Rituals of Aging (03:03–07:26)

• Maintaining Appearances:
  • Pete and Ryan riff on the pressures and small rituals of self-care past 40, with Pete joking about needing crisper shoes and grooming details.
  • Ryan (03:07): “53, brother, 53.”
  • Pete: “If I can see your foot through your shoe... over 41, you better get better shoes.”
• CPAP and Hostage Tape:
  • Both discuss the equipment and indignities of dealing with sleep apnea.
  • Hostage tape (a real product) provides much comic fodder:
    • Ryan (04:43): “All the outrage about all the things... I haven’t heard one little dust up about hostage tape.”

Weight Loss, GLP-1s, and the Battle with Late-Night Eating (06:14–10:13)

• On The Temptation of Unhealthy Food:
  • Both comedians compare the urge to binge to a primal, even sexual, impulse.
  • Pete (09:44): "What I'm doing is something else. And it's way closer to sex."
• Body and Mind Balance:
  • Ryan shuns new weight loss drugs out of caution due to his blood condition—preferring “keep the body and mind in motion.”

Navigating Health Issues & Charcot-Marie-Tooth Disease (13:31–17:23)

• Ryan describes his experience with a rare, hereditary form of muscular atrophy.
• Testing Trauma:
  • Ryan (15:03): “They stick you until you yell…testing is your nerves…they stick you until you scream so they can gauge.”
• Coping with Humor:
  • The pair discuss the inappropriate comments of a doctor who told them they're "one step away from being a Jerry's Kid," and how humor emerges from such experiences.

Cultural Shifts & Post-Office Violence (18:10–19:30)

• “Going Postal”:
  • Both marvel at how workplace shootings in post offices were prevalent enough to coin a phrase, but have since disappeared.
  • Ryan (19:02): “What did the postal service do that the schools aren’t?”
  • Both wish someone would study and apply that solution elsewhere.

Surveillance, Technology, and Drones for School Safety (19:33–25:55)

• Wi-Fi Surveillance & Paranoia:
  • Pete describes how Wi-Fi can now track body movement and questions why this isn't used for public safety.
  • Pete (20:13): “They know if...my hand is up, my hand is down...that my hand is up, my hand is down. It’s like a new surveillance thing.”
• Drones and School Security:
  • In an extended (and comically exaggerated) riff, both brainstorm using technology and drones to protect schools, pondering why we possess advanced monitoring but haven’t applied it to ending shootings.
  • Ryan (24:06): “Why can we not put a Wi-Fi perimeter around public schools and churches so that if anyone with a weapon enters that perimeter, we know right away?”

Privacy, Tracking, and Technological Overreach (26:49–30:12)

• Concerns about surveillance:
  • Smart cars and privacy—Ryan's car will "tell on him."
  • The government tracking vintage cars and possible conspiracies:
    • Ryan (28:01): “…the government’s trying to get rid of all the old cars because they want to track every car, every movement…”
  • Wi-Fi as a universal (and almost inescapable) spy.

Ghosts, Sleep Paralysis, and the Paranormal (35:02–55:00)

• Ghost Stories:
  • Pete relates favorite ghost stories from the show; Ryan shares his own vivid direct experience of sleep paralysis in a haunted former brothel.
  • Ryan (47:47): “I’ve had sleep paralysis before…but the next thing I know, there’s a pressure on top of me and I can’t move…I am as awake as I am talking to you right now.”
• Bracken Fern Manor:
  • Details several chilling stories from this haunted location, including a crying baby, the legend of Delilah, and a mysterious book filled with similar stories.
  • Ryan (51:27): “Saw the impression of what looked like a fake finger writing the name [Delilah]…”

70s/80s TV Nostalgia, Brothels, and Sex-Worker Crowd Work (36:42–43:12)

• Funny recollections about odd bed-and-breakfast stays, audience members out on dates with escorts or spouses.
• Ryan: “Bringing a prostitute to the show…worst idea in the world!”

Gun Culture, MAGA Hats, and Social Stereotypes (64:45–67:44)

• The peculiar social risks and thrills of sporting overt symbols (like a MAGA hat) in public; the dangers of assumptions; and the dangers and skills of arming oneself.
• Pete (66:33; as Ryan): "Do you have a gun?—Find out."

The Integratron, Sound Baths, and New Age Experiences (69:18–77:07)

• Joshua Tree, Integratron:
  • Ryan describes his experience of the “Integratron”—a legendary sound bath.
    • Participants feel vibrations in specific body parts corresponding with certain crystals.
    • Ryan (74:36): “She does the fourth one…my throat, my Adam's apple, lights up…and she says, ‘You should feel this in your throat.’ And I said, I’m all in.”
  • Both express openness to non-scientific experiences and “whatever the f— else is out there.”

Near Death Experiences and Medical Malpractice (77:16–85:12)

• Ryan’s Near Death:
  • He recounts his almost fatal encounter with medical negligence after surgery, massive clots, and the brokenness of hospital care (“do everything you can to stay out of a hospital”).
• NDEs on the Road:
  • Ryan solicits near-death stories while touring and notes common threads:
    • Many are rooted in medical error, some are from stupidity (usually of men), and some involve seeing Jesus or altered states.
    • Ryan (83:57): “There’s been no ‘I’ve seen the light’, there’s been no ‘the other side’ … only one, where a woman saw Jesus through a helicopter window.”
  • Post-NDE personalities are “very even… they don’t often share…chill level for sure.”

Navigating YouTube and Algorithm Nightmares as a Comedian (86:05–91:26)

• Specials, Demonitization, and Algorithm Frustration:
  • Sickler details the struggle of self-releasing comedy specials on YouTube and dealing with arbitrary demonetization rules.
  • AI and human review processes are inconsistent, and comedians are left in the dark on what content gets flagged.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Ryan on Sleep Apnea Products (04:42):
  “All the outrage about all the things that are out there in the world these days, and I haven’t heard one little dust up about hostage tape.”
• Pete on Late Night Eating (09:44):
  “What I'm doing is something else. And it's way closer to sex. It's primal.”
• On Ghostly Encounters (47:47):
  “I’ve had sleep paralysis before… but this—there’s a pressure on top of me and I can’t move. I am as awake as I am talking to you right now. I can’t do anything.”
• Ryan, after telling the haunted manor owner about his experience (50:10):
  “She just looks at me and... she goes, ‘That’s Carl.’”
• Pete on Cultural Empathy (58:24):
  “If I were you, I’d be you. If I was raised by you, if I was raised by your parents... Of course! That’s what we need—people to go like, ‘I’m me because of all this and you’re you because of all this. And if I was in that situation, I’d be you, and if you were in my situation, you’d be me.’”
• On NDE Crowd (85:24):
  “They're very... just right in here. They're not loud. They're not the boisterous ‘pay attention to me’ people. They don't often share... a chill level for sure.”

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Key Timestamps for Important Segments

• 03:03–07:26: Aging, health, and sleep apnea rituals
• 08:00–10:13: Late night eating as primal impulse
• 13:31–17:23: Charcot-Marie-Tooth disease and painful medical history
• 18:10–19:30: “Going Postal”—How did postal violence stop?
• 19:33–25:55: Surveillance, Wi-Fi, drones, and gun control debate
• 26:49–30:12: Paranoia about cars, surveillance and privacy
• 35:02–55:00: Ghost stories—Sickler’s haunted manor experience
• 69:18–77:07: The Integratron and New Age healing
• 77:16–85:12: Near death encounters—medical malpractice and tour audience NDEs
• 86:05–91:26: The travails of self-producing comedy and the YouTube algorithm

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Episode Closing — Laughter and Connection

• Ryan’s answer to “the hardest you’ve ever laughed”:
  • The best laughs are those you’re not supposed to have (e.g., at church as a child, with siblings and his grandmother).
• A touching image: his grandmother's infectious, escalating laugh inspiring the whole family to joy.
  • Ryan (98:41): “My grandmother had a laugh...if you heard her go [imitates laugh]—oh, then another one was coming...we’d try to make it funnier, just to keep her laughing.”

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Promotion & Plugs (86:05+ & End)

• Ryan Sickler’s Special, Live and Alive – available on YouTube
• Previous Special, Lefty Son (now back from demonetization), also on YouTube
• The Honeydew Podcast – subscribe on YouTube for more storytelling and interviews

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Tone & Style

The conversation is funny, rambling, brutally honest, full of irreverent riffs, pop culture tangents, and sudden, poignant vulnerability. Both comedians freely mock themselves, society, and aging, but also display deep empathy and curiosity about pain, trauma, and experiences beyond the explainable.

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Closing line:
“Keep it crispy.” (99:16)

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Transcript

[Pete Holmes]

Lemonade.

[Ryan Sickler]

You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[Pete Holmes]

What's happening weirdos? The answer is no. The question is, is there anybody better than Ryan Sickler? See what I did? Do you see what? Do you see how I open this in an engaging and interesting way? Ryan Sickler is the host of the Crab Feast podcast. I'm sorry, he was. Now it's called the Honeydew.

[Ryan Sickler]

What the fuck?

[Pete Holmes]

I had such a strong open. The Honeydew is his podcast, which I absolutely love. His new Special is on YouTube. It's called Live and alive. We talk about that in the special. No spoilers. He's so funny. One of the people that I can always talk to. We had such a great time laughing and I'm so glad you're here. Only a couple things to plug for me up top. One, this is my book. My kids book. Spells to cast on your parents. It's available for pre order whomever you get your books. Whomever you get your books. Pre order Spells to cast on your parents. It's a book where kids cast spells on the grown up that is reading the book to them. And it makes them do silly stuff within reason. All the grownups out there. It's not too heavy. It's a light lift and a lot of laughing and silliness and fun. So please check out spells to cast on your parents. I'm also on the road. Go to peteholmes.com for all the tour dates. Silly, silly fun boy. My YouTube special is out now as well as I am not for everyone. My old Netflix special is also on YouTube. So just maybe check me out on YouTube. I'm also going to be in Sacramento coming up next. Let me see. Let me see some of these, some of these good ones. Some of these good ones coming up. Portland, Maine. Verona, New York. Vancouver. San Luis Obispo. Madison and Seattle. And Portland. There's a chance we might be filming my special when I'm at Portland. We're not positive, but it's looking that way. And San Diego. All right everybody. So glad you're here. So glad you're here. Ryan Sickler. His new special, Live and alive. Check it out. And for now get into it. Zootopia 2 has come home to Disney. Let's go get ready for a new case.

[Ad Read / Sponsor Voice]

We're gonna crack this case and prove

[Ryan Sickler]

we're victorious partners of all time.

[Pete Holmes]

New friends.

[Ryan Sickler]

You are Gary Destunake. And your last name.

[Pete Holmes]

Desnake.

[Ryan Sickler]

Dream Team Hidden new habitats Zootopia has a secret reptile population. You can watch the record breaking Phenomenon at home.

[Pete Holmes]

You're clearly working at Zootopia 2.

[Ryan Sickler]

Now available on Disney.

[Ad Read / Sponsor Voice]

Rated P. Morning decisions. How about a creamy mocha Frappuccino drink? Or sweet vanilla smooth caramel maybe? Or white chocolate mocha? Whichever you choose, delicious coffee awaits. Find Starbucks Frappuccino drinks wherever you buy your groceries.

[Pete Holmes]

Good looking man. You're one of those. You're over 50, right?

[Ryan Sickler]

53, brother. 53.

[Pete Holmes]

Have you seen 53? That's what I always say to people. Well, have you seen 53?

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm actually doing a

[Ad Read / Sponsor Voice]

look.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't mean to drag anybody, but the average 53 looking a little rough.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're not wrong. Sometimes when I see people and I'm like. Makes me feel good about myself. I'm like, you're 46.

[Pete Holmes]

Can I throw this your way? Dude, you have crisped up the fryer right now. Because we're having bacon. I just love it. Val, if I hang out with someone that look love and respect and I'm kind to everyone. But if I'm with someone who's around my age and they're straight yeasty. Thou will see me trimming my eyebrows. She'll see me trimming my nose hairs. I can see your nose clean. I'm ready to move in to that nose now.

[Ryan Sickler]

Age a little bit.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Ryan Sickler]

There's a little tiny scab right here.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Ryan Sickler]

Cpap.

[Pete Holmes]

Cpap.

[Ryan Sickler]

My nasal. My nasal pillows sit in there and it. And it.

[Pete Holmes]

Nasal pillows?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. So instead of the fighter mask.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you do.

[Ryan Sickler]

There's one that you can just have come here. And they're these little just. They call them nasal pillows. And they just sit right here.

[Pete Holmes]

Why doesn't everyone do that?

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, you also have to keep your mouth shut shut. So they use. They use hostage tape.

[Pete Holmes]

I use that anyway.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do you know this?

[Pete Holmes]

I use it. I use it every.

[Ryan Sickler]

Isn't. Isn't it wild?

[Pete Holmes]

Which part?

[Ryan Sickler]

The name.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, they know what they're doing.

[Ryan Sickler]

Listen, no one gives a. About hostages. You never have rape tape. You never have rape tape. But hostage tape.

[Pete Holmes]

And it rhymes.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do you think about offensive as.

[Pete Holmes]

It's people who've been. It's a joke. It's a joke. It's a joke.

[Ryan Sickler]

Wild that you have something called hostage tape. All the out outrage about all the things that are out there in the world these days. And I haven't heard one little dust up about hostage tape.

[Pete Holmes]

That's. I hear what you're saying.

[Ryan Sickler]

How triggering is that to somebody that's been a hostage who has sleep apnea? Good luck getting A good goddamn sleep after that, bro.

[Pete Holmes]

Dude, I went right. No, no, no. They used to, but they, they.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, I used it too, but the ripping, it. Listen, it works.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I. I remember the ads.

[Ryan Sickler]

You get like, teared down my face pulling it off my mustard.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, God, that's their whole thing. They're in that, like, they're like, you can use it with a beard. Not an issue. You can. Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You can't. You could shoot yourself with a gun, too. I wouldn't recommend either.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, it was awful. Not good. But you got to keep it sealed. So what you need is like a real thin lips only it's not gonna work. It's not gonna work.

[Ryan Sickler]

Not on these lips, bro.

[Pete Holmes]

Not on those pillows. So you apnea it, but you. Sorry. Then I just look at your body. That's invasive.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, I'm 15. I'd like to drop 15 pounds.

[Pete Holmes]

You're going for fit one five.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, I. You know, you and I had Talked about the GLPs. It's funny because we had mentioned them on my podcast and then right after was a promo for them. We were like, we're both not.

[Pete Holmes]

But here's the thing that's so funny, Row.

[Ryan Sickler]

I. I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

Ours is row, but I know there's going to be a time just because we do have honest conversations about like. Oh, I don't, you know, go ahead.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm just saying, you're the guest.

[Pete Holmes]

You're the guest. You're the guest.

[Ryan Sickler]

Get the out of here.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm happy to see you. I don't usually do physical.

[Ryan Sickler]

You got up, you move.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And you know, at our age. Yeah, you got to know.

[Ryan Sickler]

What's your age?

[Pete Holmes]

47.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's not our age, bro.

[Pete Holmes]

It's all right.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're in the wi. You're in my. My zone for sure.

[Pete Holmes]

In the weeds.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. You're out there with me.

[Pete Holmes]

4753. Nobody sees a difference between you and me. What's this? The poem. Go on.

[Ryan Sickler]

GLP ones. Whatever. Fine for anyone. Whatever. I just happen to have a blood disease. And after everything that's going on, I'm not injecting any new shit into this system. Everything with your blood, but also the thing that helps me is keeping my machine in motion.

[Pete Holmes]

Move that body.

[Ryan Sickler]

Move the body and the mind. You got to fight the fucking urge to late night snack and eat overeat and things like that. It's mind and body, but body mostly.

[Pete Holmes]

Can I tell you how long it's taken me to go look, I Have to have, like, a meeting with my body. Look, we all agree we don't like bad feelings and we like good feelings. Now they're listening. I'd like us to have good feelings now. They're leaning in. You guys always have the same ideas. Late night pizza. They cheer.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's sometimes pizza bagels.

[Pete Holmes]

Darren.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm just saying.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, Darren, sometimes you like pizza rolls.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Tostinos.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's all pizza. I get it.

[Pete Holmes]

If it's cheese, wheat, and sauce, it's pizza, okay? But I'm always trying to tell them. And I did this last night. So I did Rick Glassman's podcast yesterday, and we got stoned, and I. So I stayed in a hotel last night, and I'm in the hotel and, like, I know I want to order room service, and then I have to talk to the team, and I go, we all want good feelings. I'm. I'm offering you a better feeling tomorrow. You're offering me a good feeling right now? I'm offering you a better feeling tomorrow. It's the kids with the marshmallows. You know that video? It's the kids with the fucking marshmallows. And sometimes I can win. Last night I won, went to bed. Room service was closed.

[Ryan Sickler]

I have the same arguments, but you know who always usually wins?

[Pete Holmes]

Who?

[Ryan Sickler]

Jerry in the corner, who's already got the phone. I'm going, how many pizzas are we getting at? What's up, Marty?

[Pete Holmes]

Dialing. I know Jerry. He's listening to the speech. Persuasive.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, Great, Great.

[Pete Holmes]

Like in an online order. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Breadsticks. Wow. What they'll do with dough.

[Ryan Sickler]

100%.

[Pete Holmes]

No, dude, but I did look if room service had been open, probably a different story, But I woke up this morning, I was taking a whiz, and I remembered that I didn't eat. Like, I didn't, like, have a binge. Let's call it what it is. You're not eating. Fucking people that eat before a marathon. They're eating.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What I'm doing is something else. And it's way closer to sex.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, it is. It's very primal. It is. It's primal. It's. I'm getting face with hands. I don't get. I don't get utensils for that. After midnight food. I'll be with.

[Pete Holmes]

What I'll eat with God's forks. I'll up a thick soup. Is. Is my buddy. I'll go for a thick soup.

[Ryan Sickler]

What are we talking? Give me an example.

[Pete Holmes]

Like a chili.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, Is that chili soup? No. Okay, Thick soup.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I'm sorry. Chili soup. Now, that's what you took offense with, but I. So I'm just with you, like, look, I'm so on board with this. When we're at this age, there's a real risk of being nasty. And I'm not putting down anyone. I'm not even calling anyone narcy. I'm just saying I've seen it. I've seen dry land. That's not a myth. There's dudes out there. There's dudes. Look, look, look. Crisp, crisp, crisp. Look, for you today, crisp. Look at this. Look at that. Crisp. And, dude, this is what Val said. This is what, dude. Feel great about yourself right now.

[Ryan Sickler]

Because I don't do Val.

[Pete Holmes]

My wife told me. She's like, pete, the stuff. I'm from the 90s, right? So the stuff that I did when I was a young man to show that I didn't care, no effort with the hair, sweatpants, dick bulge, one shoe. You know what I mean? That stuff, that was kind of cool to look irreverent when you're over 41.

[Ryan Sickler]

Pull both your pant legs down, you motherfucker. Pull them both down. Down. Pull them both down. Yes. Straighten your hat. Turning around, street.

[Pete Holmes]

Make a choice. Make a choice. Make a choice. We're like cops. Make a choice. It's right now, I need crisper shoes. I don't know when it happened, but at a certain age, if your shoe. If I can see your foot through your shoe, I can tell you have a hammer toe because your shoe is giving up its structure over 41, you better get better shoes. They don't have to be fancy shoes. But I need a new shoe.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're hitting on so much. Right, right. This is tr. This is from trauma. I'll come back to it. But here, shoes. Yeah. The cleanliness. Here's how I know that I'm getting older. You know, when I'm single and I get a tap on the back these days, I'm like, I wonder if this is going to be my wife. You know what I mean? I wonder. I wonder if this is going to be my wife. But. But then Jerry, who's eating the pizza and corner is like, it's not. It's going to be an old dude that wants to talk to you about your shoes. And as soon as I turn around, it's like, hey, man, those are great shoes. And it's always a guy our age.

[Pete Holmes]

It's us.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's going to be about my Shoes every time.

[Pete Holmes]

Because we want to know how. Yes. You look happy.

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, what kind of support you get, how they feel.

[Pete Holmes]

You want to know about this shoe? Do you want to know about. Why am I wearing ultra shoes? Wide footbed. I'm done.

[Ryan Sickler]

You sprawl your toes.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm done. You know you're supposed to. Okay. You're a mother. You're a real. You're a real one if you know the phrase toe box.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, I. I do PT with my. A physical therapist. And we are now he's making me take my shoes off and really learn the tripod and how to fan my toes. And it's like, am I in my 50s learning how to walk properly right now?

[Pete Holmes]

We didn't know.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes. He's like, almost everyone walks wrong incorrectly. But you don't know that. You just walked away.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell me what he told you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, for I. But also, again, I have a disease, so. I have a disease called Charcote Marie Tooth disease. It's the three doctors names. Oh, wow.

[Pete Holmes]

You're tired of explaining that.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's. It's cmt.

[Pete Holmes]

You're tired of riffs on that.

[Ryan Sickler]

What's that? A haunted house tooth. Who's the tooth? Al's tooth. Got to do.

[Pete Holmes]

Get out of here.

[Ryan Sickler]

Knee down. I'm missing, and so are my brothers, my dad, everybody. A layer of muscle. I played soccer my whole life. I was all juco in college. These things should be tree trunks.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

But they're not. They're sticks. They're little. They. They say the best visual comparison will be an inverted champagne bottle. That. That. It doesn't have that. It's just got the little bit of

[Pete Holmes]

swell and then skinny. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So I have up feet, very high arches. And he's even like, I can get this whole thing under here. I'm like, yeah, I have a disease. I had to go get to. We had to go to Hopkins in Baltimore, where we're from, and get tested for it and everything. And the tests are gnarly. You're. We're in probably 9th. 10th grade at the time. Take in, have you walk a treadmill. And that's all fine. You're like, yeah, whatever. And then they take your feet and they make you sprawl your toes, and they take needles and they inject it in between the webs and wait.

[Pete Holmes]

In between the toes? Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Each one. Needles, huh? Deep.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm sorry, is this season nine of America Horror Story? That's not right. It's. What?

[Ryan Sickler]

Dexter.

[Pete Holmes]

Dexter. It is. But it's like the eps Are like, you can't do that.

[Ryan Sickler]

They stick you. But they stick you until you yell. Because what they're testing is your nerves and everything are not the way they should be. So it's a yes. Every toe, they're like. And so we're gonna stick you until you scream so we can gauge. And you're like, what? And they're going. You're like, ah. I mean, all the way through. And then they take this. It feels very cattle proddish, but it's an electric, you know, almost horseshoe. And they put it right on your ankle bone, and it vibrates hard. And then you. When you scream in pain, that's when I'm like, man. Okay, He's. He's.

[Pete Holmes]

They call that the data.

[Ryan Sickler]

Two seconds. That's what they're doing.

[Pete Holmes]

Scream. What kind of scream?

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, it's a pain.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I know. And they grade it. They're grading the screen.

[Ryan Sickler]

You ever think about even putting an electric rod against your ankle, outside of your ankle bone, under that tender part right there. Oh, brutal. So anyway, I'm learning now.

[Pete Holmes]

And what was gained from this? A special foot.

[Ryan Sickler]

Just a clarification that you do indeed have.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't need clarity.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then we started wearing for a while, orthopedic, like, but specifically crafted to your foot and everything. Okay, but it's just. It is what it is.

[Pete Holmes]

This is when you were young.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Is this where humor comes in? I mean, like, I know a lot of it does.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, so here's the funny thing about this. I've said this on my PA before, though. So the doctor. There's three of us. My brother, both my brothers, me, and my dad's there, and the doctor says to us, he. He says, you know, this is what you have. And, you know, we're. We're like, no one's ever heard of that. Like, what are you talking about? He's like, well, you're basically one step away from being a Jerry's kid, okay? You're old enough to remember Jerry's kids. So that's the face my dad made. And then my dad asked the three of us to step outside the door, and we were like, oh, hell, we knew what was about that. We're like.

[Pete Holmes]

We yelled at him.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, he ripped.

[Pete Holmes]

Because that's not an appropriate thing. Yes.

[Ryan Sickler]

How unprofessional to say. Yeah, you're. You're a step away from being. And then to say, it's Jerry's step.

[Pete Holmes]

A step. I'm a step away. That's not too. That's not cool. This guy just had a bad day and let it out on some children who have.

[Ryan Sickler]

Who have difficulties walking.

[Pete Holmes]

And he's like, you're a step away from being. Because the. Jerry's kid was an insult.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

It was like.

[Ryan Sickler]

It was like kids were in chairs and it was. God. Was it multiple screws? What was it? Yeah, it's. Or was it muscular dystrophy? I can't remember.

[Pete Holmes]

I just said yes for both.

[Ryan Sickler]

One of those. One of those debilitating. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I have that, but only in

[Pete Holmes]

Boston are they like, oh, there's a charity that helps those kids. I'm going to take the name of that charity and call those kids on the playground that, like, the Jimmy Fun. What are you a Jimmy Fun?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Remember the Jimmy?

[Ryan Sickler]

I do. Of course I remember. Jimmy Fun.

[Pete Holmes]

Jimmy Fun.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know what else, Pete Holmes? I want to talk about this because back then also, postal. Postal workers were going crazy going postal. It became a term.

[Pete Holmes]

And now it's just an actual shooter.

[Ryan Sickler]

But not at the post office anymore.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not gone.

[Ryan Sickler]

What did the postal service do?

[Pete Holmes]

Or what were they doing that they stopped doing?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

That corrected that. Think about this. There were so many shootings specifically, that there was a term at the postal service, but by postal employees. Not random coming from the outside. Attacking.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Inside their own organization. That it was so many of them. People coined the term. You're going postal.

[Pete Holmes]

He's good. Don't go postal.

[Ryan Sickler]

Don't go postal. When's the last time we heard about a post office shooting?

[Pete Holmes]

Never.

[Ryan Sickler]

What did the postal service do?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

That the schools aren't.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

That. That everyone else isn't. Why can we not study what the postal service did?

[Pete Holmes]

What did they do?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. What was it? And apply it to other things I just saw. What a great job. Think about the turnaround on that.

[Pete Holmes]

I know.

[Ryan Sickler]

To. To have a.

[Pete Holmes]

What was it? What was it?

[Ryan Sickler]

That's a great. What made them all go crazy and

[Pete Holmes]

what made them stop? Right. More employees, fewer routes, better pay. Better pay. Papa John's.

[Ryan Sickler]

Better hell, Better pizza.

[Pete Holmes]

Better pizza, better ingredients kind of thing. I don't know. I want to know. You ever have an idea and you're like, why am I thinking of this? So WI Fi. This is weird. WI Fi can tell how you're moving. WI Fi. I'm going to explain this badly. But they figured out that people in a room change a WI Fi signal. So then they kind of like reverse. I'm going to say reverse engineer. It's not Quite right. But they were like, well, then can we use WI fi to track people? And that's what they're doing. They know if they were using that technology because of the WI fi signal in this room, that my hand is up, my hand is down. It's like a new surveillance thing.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, it's that detailed. It's not just geolocation. It's.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like. Like they can tell you're scratching your

[Ryan Sickler]

nose and you're over there now without a camera.

[Pete Holmes]

Without a camera. So WI fi is everywhere. And now this is real paranoia. I know. I just.

[Ryan Sickler]

And this is real. I didn't know.

[Pete Holmes]

This is real.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay?

[Pete Holmes]

But I'm over here going like, okay, so there's WI fi everywhere, which means there's surveillance everywhere. This is not me. I'm not trying to be funny or make light. Obviously. Active shootings are the most terrifying thing. It's awful. Can we fucking. Why am I going like. Well, we need an AI that has eyes everywhere, that can spot a guy in a trench coat. You're telling me somebody with nine guns doesn't. I'm not trying to be funny. Doesn't light up a system, a basic system. Like, we got some fucking street lights on the way to the thing. You can't set up an alert that a guy is walk. I'm walking. Like he's fucking.

[Ryan Sickler]

Like he's got a gun.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, not a normal guy. He's got a taxi driver kind of walk. The movie set up, I think all taxi drivers for all the.

[Ryan Sickler]

For all. I would hit all cameras for all the taxi drivers.

[Ad Read / Sponsor Voice]

The movie.

[Ryan Sickler]

I want you to know, I don't

[Pete Holmes]

mean people are listening to this pod and they're taxi. They're like, how dare you? It's an ugly stereotype, but it's on their radio somehow. How were they getting it on their radio? All like. But that's a real. Why am I thinking of this?

[Ryan Sickler]

Great question.

[Pete Holmes]

Everywhere. The.

[Ad Read / Sponsor Voice]

The.

[Pete Holmes]

The parking lot of them all. There he is. You're telling me weapons don't have.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know where my car is when I get out of it. Great.

[Pete Holmes]

You can tell what I buy, but you can't tell that I'm armed. Get with it. And I hope some fucking dingbat at the NSA is like, you know, he's right. Fucking ain't right.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm right about those cab drivers and about this up.

[Pete Holmes]

The surveillance on the yellows. They call them the yellows.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yellow.

[Pete Holmes]

The yellows are the problem. Why am I thinking of this? Also, why. It's a bit Of a terrible. But I need. I need one level headed.

[Ryan Sickler]

Everyone out there now has a fucking gun and everything, which is fine.

[Pete Holmes]

I'd like to know where y' all difference between. I'm not. I'm not. I'm not taking any hot take here. I'm just saying there's a difference between a man in Texas with an open carry or even a concealed carry and a motherfucker looking to do major shit. Get fucked. This isn't maybe. Look, it could be a teachable moment. Maybe I'm wrong, but I'm like, this doesn't seem like the most unsolvable problem. It seems like we can't outlaw guns because people make the other argument. Okay, fine, then how else can we start looking at areas and setting up some alarms?

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, here's the other thing. Just for schools and churches.

[Pete Holmes]

Start there.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're telling me we can fly?

[Pete Holmes]

Hello, sharks.

[Ryan Sickler]

You can fly.

[Pete Holmes]

Hello, sharks.

[Ryan Sickler]

Sharks.

[Pete Holmes]

Guess what? There's WI fi in this room that can tell if I'm doing this or doing this. It can also tell if I have a fucking shotgun down one of my legs and I'm walking like Robert De Niro and the Irishman. Maybe let security know.

[Ryan Sickler]

Jesus, you're just giving me ideas. So have it. You could take a drone right now and fly it toward lax. At some point it will hit a wall that has been created by, I guess TSA will say where that drone will drop and fall. And you cannot. Oh, it'll drop. Yeah. You cannot invade that perimeter.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Ryan Sickler]

Boom.

[Pete Holmes]

Airspace.

[Ryan Sickler]

So why can we not put a WI fi perimeter around public schools and churches? So that if anyone with a weapon enters that perimeter, we know right away we're dropping drones.

[Pete Holmes]

I can't have drones looking at the fucking.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's another one. Let's put the gourmet.

[Pete Holmes]

Gourmet's recipes are top secret. Get these drones out of here. I can't believe I.

[Ryan Sickler]

We need art supplies. We got drones. We gotta have the drones, man. They should have drones over schools. Why not?

[Pete Holmes]

Don't know why put. Look, two guys fixing it, but like,

[Ryan Sickler]

let me tell you something.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't think anybody's fixing it.

[Ryan Sickler]

I got it. When I'm retired. This is what I'm doing. When I'm retired. Yes, you can hire me. Yes, I'll fly a drone over your school.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'll sit in a car a block away. Also, I'll listen to AM sports radio.

[Pete Holmes]

You've nailed it.

[Ryan Sickler]

And chill. And if anything invades that space, guess who's on it. I'M gonna call some buddies too.

[Pete Holmes]

It's all we need to do is have a TV with a soccer game on. Espresso. You're telling me you can't get seven I'll bring check seven bored retirees that would just alert.

[Ryan Sickler]

We're not asking you to go chase them.

[Pete Holmes]

Nobody. We got one. We don't do shit. That's it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Until we're tattletales.

[Pete Holmes]

You fucking go.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

My dad hangs out at Dunkin Donuts every day.

[Ryan Sickler]

Move that Dunkin Donuts to a school for this. You think they're not weight who's way hero?

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I'm saying. Another chance. Yes, another chance.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you die. And you to thwart a school thwarted it. Now the obituary is front page.

[Ryan Sickler]

Come on, bro.

[Pete Holmes]

You used to be in the the mail.

[Ryan Sickler]

I might make people do what? I might make the corner of People magazine.

[Pete Holmes]

You will be top right corner of people depending on what celebrities have died.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's true.

[Pete Holmes]

That you'll get more real estate. Pray that no celebrity dies that month. Because then people will. They'll give you the COVID Yeah, they

[Ryan Sickler]

might give me the COVID This guy right here.

[Pete Holmes]

What a gift to everybody.

[Ryan Sickler]

What a gift we keep talking about. Everyone keeps saying more guns. And I'm not against having guards. The more gun policy doesn't bother me. But if you're saying we shouldn't have more guns, what's your solution? I'm saying, hey, drones are pretty good solution to at least alert the authorities to get there much quicker.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't believe that. We don't have the technology to have a drone that can tell me who's carrying a gun. I just don't believe it.

[Ryan Sickler]

We.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't fucking believe it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Because you're right.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I'm right.

[Ryan Sickler]

They can drop a missile down a chimney from 3,000ft accurately through an air vent.

[Pete Holmes]

It plays the song, you hear it in the background and then it's program. It hovers down like an F15 and goes, what up, bitch? And then kills you. No, it goes, it's Britney. Like it's funny. Yeah, it's funny.

[Ryan Sickler]

It has a sense of humor.

[Pete Holmes]

It's funny. I don't. I watched a video about a CIA guy spilling the beans. You ever watch one of those videos and you're like, how is this guy doing this? And he was like. The one that I remember is, can they listen with your phone? And he was like, of course, yeah. And he goes, they can listen to your tv. You know what I do every time I get into the hotel. Unplug that tv.

[Ryan Sickler]

You unplug.

[Pete Holmes]

Unplug it.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know, they can't, because I'm.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm about to j it. I'm tense. I didn't mean to look at you, Katie. That was such a weird time. I was looking for a laugh. I looked to Katie for laughs, but that was a weird time to lock eyes. I unplugged that tv. But the other thing he says is they can take control of your. If your car has a computer, they can make it look like you crashed, no doubt.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then he goes, all that interview.

[Pete Holmes]

You. You saw this one? I did, bro.

[Ryan Sickler]

So do you know right now, not to get conspiracy theorists, but it's leaning that way. So. A really good friend of mine, his father owned a. A junkyard, a salvage yard in Maryland that I grew up working in. He now owns one in Baltimore City. Recently, around the United States, I think it's 15 different salvage yards have been burned just miraculously caught on fire.

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Ryan Sickler]

And the theory is that the government does. They're trying to get rid of all the old cars because they want to track every car, every movement. They want to be able to know if you're too drunk to get in that car or if you're speeding in that car. Like, these cars are gonna. Are telling us. The car I drive, I have a

[Pete Holmes]

voltage where he's like, I ripped that GPS out. And we were all like, what?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. But, yeah, my car will tell on me. So they told me it's a lease, but they told me I couldn't put snow chains on it, but I could put belts on it. The car told you the Volkswagen told me that. The screen? No, the dealership, when I was getting the car. But what they told me, I said, how the fuck are you gonna know? Yeah, and they said, the car will tell on you. It will sense heavier chains, and it will report to Volkswagen that I'm violating the fucking lease. So it's already happened.

[Pete Holmes]

You went right to where I went. I was like, oh, we should buy vintage cars.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And they're like, oh, we'll take care,

[Ryan Sickler]

and we're burning those right now. So I hit him up just two nights ago. I'm like, yo, you see this? And he said. He said he feels like those might be a lot of the lithium battery places that are getting caught and burnt up and whatnot.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, torching the lithium battery people are torching the places?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, he thinks so. Any of the future people want to get rid of the past, but because they don't want us toting around a little 1980 whatever.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

They want to know where the fuck Pete Holmes is. He's making a. Like you said, he's raising his arm. He's giving a finger to an old lady out the.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, the wi fi one is. That's real paranoia, because WI fi is everywhere. And then it's like, well, we can track your movements with WI fi. Like, I almost feel bad. But you should know. You should know they'll be like, yeah,

[Ryan Sickler]

I mean, I've always believed that. Think of all the things people have seen humans do in the privacy of their living room.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I know. Heat signature.

[Ryan Sickler]

All kinds of.

[Pete Holmes]

Lots of jizzing.

[Ryan Sickler]

All kinds. So much jizzing they probably could bust a bunch of pedophiles and stuff. But in doing that without themselves, that they've been spying on us all these years, too. The conundrum of the pedo.

[Pete Holmes]

Pedo.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, the double pedo.

[Pete Holmes]

Triple. You've probably seen me all over the Internet talking about Magic Mind because I'm absolutely obsessed with and I drink it every single day and before every single episode of this podcast. Magic Mind is a functional blend of magical ingredients that help you feel dialed in, focused and energized, and I absolutely love it. They also have something that you might not know about, though, which is called Magic Mind Sleep. I just updated my Magic Mind subscription to ship me a 30 day supply of magic mind every month and a 30 day supply of magic Mind Sleep because it helps me so much. It helps me fall asleep faster, stay asleep longer, and wake up feeling refreshed. And the ingredients are incredible. L Theanine. I used to just take L Theanine supplements. Kava. I used to take a kava supplement 5 HTP. Okay. I used to take supplements for all of these. I had all these pills on my, like, my countertop to fall asleep, and now they're all in one place. Ashwagandha, lemon balm, lavender, magnesium glycinate, which is the right magnesium for sleep. Valerian. It is Gaba. I mean, go get Magic Mind in your life to dial in and focus and also now to fall asleep at night. Right now, Magic Mind is hooking up weirdos with 20% off your first order. Get the original Magic Mind or maybe the free or maybe the max, depending on how much caffeine you like in your life and get Magic Mind Sleep. Just go to magicmind.com weird and use promo code weird at checkout. You know how some clothes just quietly become your favorites? You don't really plan it. You just keep reaching for them. That's been my experience with quints. They make really great, well made essentials that somehow end up just being the things you wear all of the time. Like I got one of their Mongolian cashmere sweaters. Val insists I wear it on date nights. She always comments on it and it feels great. It's soft and comfortable and fits with basically everything, works with everything. And that for summer, Quint has a hundred percent European linen shirts and pants starting at just 34 bucks, which is a great deal. They're breathable, easy to wear and perfect for when it's hot out. And their tees are super soft. And their lightweight cotton sweaters are ideal when the temperature drops a little at night like it does here in California. What I also love is that Quince is priced really great. It's like 80%, sometimes 50 to 80% less than similar brands by working directly with ethical factories that cut out the middlemen. So you are paying for exceptional quality, not brand markup. And it's not just clothing. They do home goods, travel essentials and everyday stuff that feels a little elevated without being ridiculously expensive. So make your summer wardrobe easier and better. Go to quince.comweirdo for free shipping on your order and 365 day returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q U I-N-C-E.comweirdo for free Shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.comweirdo we talk a lot about the meaning of life on this podcast, but the truth is, if I get a terrible night's sleep, I'm not just saying this. I'm like maybe, maybe it means nothing. Sleep is so important. This podcast is sponsored by our friends at Casper. We've slept on a Casper mattress for years, long before they sponsored the podcast. So this is an easy one for me. In fact, Casper pillows have recently come into our lives and also upgraded our sleep sleep game. Yeah, I'll say that Val and I love it and we're huge fans of everything they do. They make reliable, high quality mattresses designed to deliver consistent, comfortable sleep night after. Their mattresses are highly rated by Consumer Reports and out of 99 mattresses, Consumer Reports named Casper's The1 Mattress, their top rated all foam mattress of 2026. What I like is they make mattresses for all kinds of sleepers. If you like firm, soft or somewhere in between, they've got options. They are also built to last so you're not replacing your mattress every few years. It's also fun to open a box with a mattress and watch it expand. It's like a 80s foam toy. It just unfolds in front of your eyes. And Casper offers a hundred night risk free trial so you can try it out for yourself. Although with more than 110,000 five star reviews, I'm pretty sure you're going to love it like we do. So plus, they just launched a brand new kids mattress, so even the youngest sleepers in your family can get the same comfort and quality right now. Save up to 30% on mattresses and up to 35% off on everything else. When you go to Casper.com, try the pillows. 35% off on the best pillows in the world. Casper.com one last time. That's C-S-P-E-R.com and save up to 30% on the mattress you deserve. Would, would you want to. If I could freeze the world frozen and now you just get to walk around and like go in houses and see what people are doing. Is that appealing to you or is that like not. Yeah, yeah, like that. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I would love it. I would love it.

[Pete Holmes]

I would love it.

[Ryan Sickler]

I would love.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, I just thought this appeals

[Ryan Sickler]

to me to be a ghost. If I could ever come back as a spirit through your place, I wouldn't

[Pete Holmes]

be one of those moaning ghosts. No, I'd be keeping it.

[Ryan Sickler]

I just do like this. Just that. That's it.

[Pete Holmes]

That's it.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's all.

[Ad Read / Sponsor Voice]

That's it.

[Pete Holmes]

That's how you keep your job.

[Ryan Sickler]

Way better.

[Pete Holmes]

That's how you keep your job. You start being too loud. Get the.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yep. They're. They're exercising you and everything else.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh yeah, yeah. You start moaning, you start showing up next to their bed. Next thing you know, there's a spell you have to honor.

[Ryan Sickler]

Do some, do some positive. Like, I don't know, every time we get up, the dog food's there. You know what I mean? Like that, like our spirit's pretty good.

[Pete Holmes]

Helpful. Changed in our studio. Did you think, Katie, for a second, maybe it was a ghost? Because we never come back here except when we're recording and we came in and the tripod was different. Katie's chair really was adjusted. One of the windows was unlocked. There was money missing.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm just kidding.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, it's clearly a burglary.

[Ryan Sickler]

My daughter just asked me this, do you have any good ghost stories from your past, any childhood or.

[Pete Holmes]

What I have is the best ghost stories in the world from the guests of this podcast.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But none of my do you have a favorite?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Brett Goldstein had one that was awful. And Matthew Gray Goobler Grubler had a story about walking past a guy, he was staying in like this hotel in, like when he was just in Hollywood. And he was walking up the stairs and he saw this old guy that he lived with. And he was walking down the stairs, he's going up the stairs and he's like, Good evening, Mr. Richards, or whatever. And he's like, hi. And like he found out later that he was dead for like hours. Like he was long dead when he saw him walking down the stairs. Me too. Me too. You know, the best one, lady goes, it's like Cape Cod renting a cottage. Her and her five year old kid, he's in the car seat, go and check it out. I've told this a million, but it's so quick. So it's almost over. She gets up, she leaves the little kid in the passenger seat and she goes on the porch, looks at the house. Okay, this looks nice. Just checking the keys. Goes out on the porch, locks the door. She hears a voice. Classic ghost thing. Go, get out right here. She turns, no one's there. She's like, I hear it must have been the wind I'm hearing. Goes in the car. She's still a little rattled. Kid goes, what did that man want?

[Ryan Sickler]

No, off. I'd have been like, weird. Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'd burn it down like an old car lot. Goodbye.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'll give you one. You want a fun one?

[Pete Holmes]

Is this yours?

[Ryan Sickler]

This is mine.

[Pete Holmes]

I feel like you got it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Creepy.

[Pete Holmes]

You got it.

[Ryan Sickler]

So I did a show years ago, it was an NPR show actually, up in Lake Arrowhead.

[Ad Read / Sponsor Voice]

Okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

At a place that was formerly owned by Muggsy Bogues and Mugsy Bugs. Bugsy Mugs, he's an NBA player from Baltimore. A little five foot, like.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God. Not Muggsy Bugs.

[Ryan Sickler]

Not Mugsy Bugsy Siegel. Bugsy Siegel.

[Pete Holmes]

The gagster Bugsy Siegel.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like the spud web of our time.

[Ad Read / Sponsor Voice]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. All right.

[Ryan Sickler]

So they had a little. Back in the day, this building here was, you know, there was slot machines, gambling, things like that.

[Pete Holmes]

A little hall, cigarette girls.

[Ryan Sickler]

But. Yep. But they had a secret tunnel underneath the street that went over to this house here. That was a whorehouse.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So the gangsters would bring their wives and cards to play. Cards, slots, whatever. Have. See a show, have a meal. They dip over here, they sleep with a prostitute. They come back over here. This also is situated where they told us that. I guess when the police would come get them. They could see them coming up the mountain. So they're like, we're out of here. And they'd sneak out the backside. So it was situated perfectly. And it's called. It just came to me. So the. The. The former brothel was called the Brecken Manor. Fern. Brecken Fern Manor. Okay. Or Bracken Fern Manor. So the deal is you're gonna perform this for this NPR show that's gonna go somewhere on NPR or whatever to stand up, and then you're gonna sleep at the Air or. Excuse me, the bed and breakfast across the street. The former brothel. Okay. I know I don't research it or anything, but my daughter is. She's a newborn. I mean, she's under one at the time. So I'm like, hey, let's make a little weekend out of this.

[Pete Holmes]

This sounds family friendly.

[Ryan Sickler]

It is totally valley. So I'm like, we get to go to Arrowhead. We got a free Airbnb. They invited us up the night before the show. If we wanted to come and stay, we'll stay Sunday. We could hang out up there. It's one show, one night, Easy.

[Pete Holmes]

People loving this.

[Ryan Sickler]

So we do. We head up Friday, and we don't get there till late, though. You know, we have to go after work and we don't get there till like, 11 o'. Clock. And at this point, everyone is checked in. Okay. Now, I don't know if you've ever stayed in a bed and breakfast where the bedrooms have names.

[Pete Holmes]

Sure.

[Ryan Sickler]

But that's always creepy.

[Ad Read / Sponsor Voice]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. The sunflower.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're in.

[Pete Holmes]

You're.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, no, I mean, people like, you're in Delilah. You're in Jason.

[Pete Holmes]

What? Yeah, you're in Freddy.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're down the hall in Miguel.

[Pete Holmes]

This is Pennywise.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yep.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't like any of this.

[Ryan Sickler]

So we get there and it's, you know, it's an arrowhead. It's in the woods.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Big manor. You pull into the parking lot, it's dark, and they say, you know, punch the code into the door, you'll let yourself in, you'll sign the guest book, and then your information will be there for you and you'll know which rooms you're going to. So we do, you know.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry. This is great, because Airbnbs are already so creepy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Bed and breakfast. Excuse me?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, they are B and Bs. Not Airbnb. Some guy's condo. A real BNB where they're like, we'll leave the light on for you.

[Ryan Sickler]

And when you will wake you in the morning to have breakfast with everyone. All the straight I've ever done that. I fucking hate that. Of course, I took a girlfriend one time. We didn't know we had to do that when we got there and I started seeing him go around the table and I just leaned over and I go, be whoever the you want to be. And I'll go with it. You do the same.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then we just made up names and jobs and by the way, the

[Pete Holmes]

least affair friendly place in the world. And what's your deal, Jack McBrayer type. And what brings you?

[Ryan Sickler]

Are you cheating on your wife? Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Adultery. Keep it moving.

[Ryan Sickler]

Keep it moving. We love breakfast.

[Pete Holmes]

We don't want any Earl Grey. We're good. And you shouldn't eat. The cook should be in the back. You can't eat an omelette served to you by the guy who made.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, no, scram.

[Pete Holmes]

The skillet hasn't been washed since 18. Get the out of here. I'm having an affair.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm cheating on my wife. And I said over medium eggs.

[Pete Holmes]

You ever do crowd work and you realize you're seeing a guy with a sex worker?

[Ryan Sickler]

No, I am. I've never. I've done enough crowd work where I've never seen a guy or a woman cheat on their partner or. Or sex worker.

[Pete Holmes]

It's the worst idea in the world

[Ryan Sickler]

bringing a prostitute to the show.

[Pete Holmes]

This was in the early 2000s.

[Ryan Sickler]

You're paying for that time.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. Oh, yeah. I think he wanted to be safe

[Ryan Sickler]

for an evening with this guy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I think it was a real escort. Like a real back when that word meant something.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't just want to know.

[Ryan Sickler]

She only has three or four clients.

[Pete Holmes]

Three, four.

[Ryan Sickler]

She.

[Ad Read / Sponsor Voice]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The whole day of a picnic, then a dinner, then the show with me, and I want to be seen. This guy wanted to be seen.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

He looked like he was a melting old man. And this woman was just. But she was like. Like just very clearly on the clock. Don't say on the clock.

[Ryan Sickler]

You should have been. You should have done two hours that night. You know what else, guys?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, right. This guy. I was mc. This guy's clearly would have murdered.

[Ryan Sickler]

Took the Viagra.

[Pete Holmes]

Or. What about a pregnant woman smoking? I've been doing standup long enough that you had to. You're doing crowd work and there's a pregnant woman hiding her cigarette. Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay. I'll come back to this haunted story.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no. Oh, yeah. Please.

[Ryan Sickler]

I was in La Jolla a few years ago and I saw A lady with a pregnant belly, smoking. And I thought, man. But then I also thought, what if she just had the baby? What if she just fucking had it?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, they don't right away.

[Ryan Sickler]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. It's not like a bouncy house.

[Ryan Sickler]

She could have just had it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

A few days ago. And she's. This might be her first one she hadn't had for a year. You know what I mean? So I went there first, like, before you. Then you saw this woman. And then I saw a hand and some kicks. I was like, oh, God, she's dilating the baby. Held the cigarette before she put that.

[Ad Read / Sponsor Voice]

Oh, my.

[Pete Holmes]

It holds it up.

[Ryan Sickler]

But I. I gave her grace.

[Pete Holmes]

This sounds.

[Ryan Sickler]

Instead of me being the.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. That's nice.

[Ryan Sickler]

Could you imagine if I was like you? I just had this baby. I'm like, oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. What if? Also, there's always the what if that's just your shape. What if that's just your shape.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't know. A pregnant lady.

[Pete Holmes]

I've never guessed a woman's pregnant. She can be reading what to expect when you're expecting.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

With the roundest basketball belly. And I'll just be like, how are you?

[Ryan Sickler]

You can bring it up if you want anything.

[Pete Holmes]

I have the same policy with eye patches. You want to. You want to tell the tale? You piloting a seaplane? Go ahead, tell me about the guy you just took to Death Mountain.

[Ryan Sickler]

Death Mountain.

[Pete Holmes]

That's on you. I'm not gonna go. What happened? Proceed.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay, great.

[Pete Holmes]

Great scene set by. That was a commercial break. We're back at the show.

[Ryan Sickler]

You also made me think of a Wild Eyepatch story. Do you remember Will Anderson? Comedian from Australia? Great dude. You definitely know. Yeah, okay, I'll come back. But anyway. Haunted out. So we get to this manor.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

They call it the Bracken Fern Manor. And we go in and it's eerily quiet, of course. Great kitchen. Little in the back. You can see dimly.

[Pete Holmes]

Lighter is seeing stuff.

[Ryan Sickler]

She not. Yeah, she's. We're signing in and then we're in the back two rooms.

[Pete Holmes]

That was the pen.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you. Thank you. It was a quote.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm a real Michael Winslow.

[Ryan Sickler]

They gotta go by Mike.

[Pete Holmes]

You shut your mouth about Mike.

[Ryan Sickler]

You go up the creaky stairs and you pass the rooms. Delilah, blah, blah, blah. We get all the way in room. And we are the back, left and right rooms. Because when you go in this left room, you have a conjoined bathroom that goes over to this room. Does that make sense? I'm trying to give you the picture. So you go in this room, and then there's a bathroom that runs along the wall here that this room and this room share.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yep.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, sure. My ice cream sandwich. But the bathroom is the ice cream.

[Ryan Sickler]

My stepson's gonna stay in this. That's exactly right. This room. And my daughter's mom and I and the baby are gonna stay in this room. So it's. It's a creepy thing. There's, you know, there's a tree scratching on the window, you know, while you're trying to sleep. And the storm window, just dusty enough, and we're on the second of three floors.

[Pete Holmes]

Can I ask you this? Is it the kind of light switch that's two buttons, like two push buttons, like circle black, and you're like. You know what I mean?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's when you know you're. You're either.

[Ryan Sickler]

But it's very good. The turn dial with it that, you know the turn. You can click it in to turn them off or you can make them real dark light or.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So I love that you remember. Oh, this is. This scared the out of me. So we're laying there and at this point now, you know, we're checked. It's after midnight, whatever. Trying to get the baby to sleep, and she's pretty much out. So we both are in the bed with us. See that flicker? We're both in the bed, got the baby in between us, and my stepson's in his bed over there. And I can't sleep. And the next thing I know, this entity, I'm on my back. Pete Holmes. This thing lays on top of me. I can't move. I'm wide awake. Told this story before. People like you.

[Pete Holmes]

Idiot.

[Ryan Sickler]

Sleep paralysis. I've had sleep paralysis before.

[Pete Holmes]

You weren't asleep yet?

[Ryan Sickler]

Nope. I've had the sleep paralysis where I'm trying to run and I have to run on all fours like a werewolf because I can't get up and control myself. Like, the fear of running. I'm. I'm not.

[Pete Holmes]

That's not what's happening.

[Ryan Sickler]

No anxiety. I'm not panicking. I just can't sleep. And the next thing I know, there's a pressure on top of me and I can't move. I am trying. I can't. I can't scream. My eyes are. I'm as. Oh, excuse me. Awake as I am talking to you right now. I can't do anything. And at this point, I'm trying to free this left hand up to Just swing it over to wake my daughter's mother up. I'm just trying to nudge or anything. I can't.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I am locked in my body witness.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm trying to do anything. Look at this.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I'm. I'm trying to. I'm making as much noise as I can. I'm trying to buck the bed.

[Pete Holmes]

Anything that you see its face.

[Ryan Sickler]

Nothing. I feel every bit of this of a person. It's no doubt it's a human figure. The weight go into bags just on me.

[Pete Holmes]

It was going to bed.

[Ryan Sickler]

Might have been. So I may. And then finally it's. It's a good five minutes and then it goes away.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a long.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's a long. You've done. Think about that. That's a stand up TV set. I am and trying. She's not waking up. It finally goes away and I hear anything.

[Pete Holmes]

What if you heard?

[Ryan Sickler]

Like I would.

[Pete Holmes]

I would tear that.

[Ryan Sickler]

That would terrify me more than a scream. Some. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's just breathing.

[Ryan Sickler]

Some entity that has sleep apnea puts on hostage tape. So when I finally have my body back, I am mad. I'm mad, I'm mad at her. And I'm like, you didn't feel that? You didn't hear. I'm over here bucking. Nothing.

[Ad Read / Sponsor Voice]

No.

[Ryan Sickler]

She's like. And I go, something. Something's in here. Something laid on me. Something. Now I can't sleep. I'm not scared. But my adrenaline is now through the roof. Like, what the was that?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So I don't know, three or four o', clock, I finally, you know, I nod off, get up in the morning, we do breakfast, we do our day. And I say, you know what? Before the show, I'm gonna walk over to the venue and just. I like to see the place before I go.

[Pete Holmes]

Gotta see it.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know what I mean? I like to see it. I want to meet the people. Because we didn't meet anyone last night. We checked in.

[Pete Holmes]

Little reconnaissance.

[Ryan Sickler]

So I go in and the owner of the manor is there, this really nice older lady. And she goes, how'd you sleep last night? It's the first thing she said. And I go, not great. She goes, how come? I go, well, I say everything I say to you. And I'm like, we get in and this thing's laying on me. And she starts elbowing her husband. She goes, listen, listen. She goes, tell them what you just said. And I go, yeah, this fucking thing's laying on me. And she just looks at me and I don't Remember the name, she said. But she goes, that's Carl. I go, what? She goes, yeah. I go, that place is haunted. Huh? She goes, it has a history. I'm like, what kind of history? And she starts telling me, like, there was a handyman in the middle of the day who's working in, like, the Delilah room or whatever. And he's. You know, it's daylight, lights are on everything, and all of a sudden, the name Delilah gets spelled in the car quilt as if someone's doing it with a finger. And he left and never came back one night. Her personally, she said. And she also said, please write this in the book. There's a book next to where you signed in, full of these stories.

[Pete Holmes]

What? What?

[Ryan Sickler]

So what? Yep.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, sorry. There was a handyman that saw someone write Delilah, didn't see a figure, but

[Ryan Sickler]

saw the impression of what looked like, like a fake finger would be writing the name.

[Pete Holmes]

But did he see it being written?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes. And he was like, your goddamn.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Sorry. This task rabbit is out of here.

[Ryan Sickler]

Never out.

[Pete Holmes]

You can leave me a bad review. I'm out.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'll leave it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So another one is. So Delilah is a girl who. It was either murdered or killed herself in that room. So what? I find out over the years, it goes from a brothel to, like, a rehabilitation center to a drug facility and treatment and so a lot of mental halfway house.

[Pete Holmes]

A lot of.

[Ryan Sickler]

A lot of problematic people going in and out. Dark souls and.

[Pete Holmes]

Problematic or problematic? Did you say problematic or problematic? Can it be both?

[Ryan Sickler]

I should have said it. Problematic.

[Pete Holmes]

Problematic, bro.

[Ryan Sickler]

She tells me herself. I go, you're serious right now? She's like, tons of them, Ryan. She goes. One night, she goes, obviously, I don't keep candles in my library because I don't want to burn my library down. I've never put candles in the library in this house. And she said, one night I woke up, and this is when she was staying. I came down the stairs, and I smelled freshly burnt, like someone just blew out some candles. And I'm walking the whole place. I go to the library. I open the door. There's not only are there candles in there that I've never put in there, but they are freshly burnt out. And I was like, what the. So.

[Pete Holmes]

So the afterlife is just more reading. What a bummer, that guy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Maybe you and me, like, put some candles in this library and blow them out.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So now I go back and I tell my daughter's mama, you're not gonna believe this. And I tell them, we go down and look at the book and the story after story of freaky. So many stories. So I do the show and I'm sorry. When I come back over after, like the little check in, my daughter's screaming. And she won't. She won't. She's just screaming. She's. She's a baby. She's not even a year staring at this corner and screaming, crying, screaming, crying. And Don was like, I can't get her to calm down. I can't. I go, well, listen to this. I tell her all this stuff. So my stepson was with me when we went to do the thing. He had run back to tell his mom too. She's on the phone with her mom just trying to talk and try to calm this baby down or anything. Nothing's working. So I do the show. I come back, I read a little more of that book. Listen, Pete, when we were done, I think it was 11 o' clock maybe when I got done and I got back up in that room and my daughter's mother goes, she will not stop crying. She stared at this corner, Ryan, for two hours. And I said, pack this up. We're not spending the night, bro. We're not gonna be the white people in the horror movie. And it at midnight, I packed my family car up. And Sunday in Arrowhead, we drove back to la, that everyone was sleeping, not me. Got back at like 1:30, put everybody in the house and went to sleep. And I was like, holy, that place. Now, this is back when I was doing the Crab Feast with Larson.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Ryan Sickler]

Jay really wanted to go to this to do the show. A lot of people would do it. It was. I don't even remember how it came my way, but it was really. It was. The show was great, you know, it really was. It's just.

[Pete Holmes]

I love that I'm such a comedian. I'm like, oh, really? I'll do.

[Ryan Sickler]

I know that's what everybody is like. It does it. I listen.

[Pete Holmes]

A little haunted.

[Ryan Sickler]

I thought, we're having a nice little family weekend in Arrowhead. We get to do a show. I'm gone for an hour and a half and I'm walking right there when I'm done, you know what I mean? I got an Uber. It's right there. Yeah, you can even bring the baby. It was such a big place that they could have sat somewhere over there. Anyway, I tell Jay, and then I guess the owner or the guy who ran the show.

[Pete Holmes]

Did you tell Jay the story?

[Ryan Sickler]

And Jay's, you know, Jay's like, whatever. And Blah, blah, blah. Sleep at or sleep paralysis, all this. I'm like, whatever. So a couple years later, I find out that Jay didn't go do it. And I go, what happened? You turned it down? He goes, yeah. I go, why'd you turn it down? He goes, because of what you said. I go, so hold on a minute. All that. All that chest beating about I'm a pussy and an idiot and everything else, and you turned it down because. And then I guess the dude that ran the show was, you know, was upset with me because he said, don't tell people this. They won't want to come. I'm like, bro, I'm telling everybody this. So then I went back, and I've looked up the Bracken Fern Manor. You Google it, and there's plenty of history there to read and see.

[Pete Holmes]

See, this is my show pitch. Are you ready? It won't. It's impractical. But we get the most great start to the pitch. I know. Well, that's why I'm okay pitching it on this podcast. Because if I thought it was really a viable idea, I'd keep it to my dang self. But we get the hardest core materialists we can find. The pilot is going to be Neil DeGrasse Tyson, okay? And Bill Nye.

[Ryan Sickler]

Great.

[Pete Holmes]

These guys don't believe in any of this. Hui. We. We put them in that room, and they have to stay there with night vision.

[Ryan Sickler]

Dude, what would. What do you think they would think? It was.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, certain. I don't know.

[Ryan Sickler]

They're gonna tell me I was in sleep paralysis too. They're gonna tell me, and I. Yeah,

[Pete Holmes]

but if it happens to them, here's the million to one shot.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's the way the world works.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I know.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know what I mean? We don't like gay people. You know, your cousin's gay. All right, so we. Yeah, What? What? As soon as it happens to you.

[Pete Holmes]

That's so funny. My first wife, she was from Maine. And I won't say who it was, but, like, somebody in her extended family was like, anti gay or whatever, and I was like, yeah, you don't know any gay people. You know what I mean? Like, there's a reason.

[Ryan Sickler]

Here's the thing. He probably did. Yeah, he did, but didn't know he did.

[Pete Holmes]

He might have known one real. Well, yeah, but, you know, you moved to New York.

[Ryan Sickler]

You might have just come up with a new character. The long week from a Keep it shut for a while.

[Pete Holmes]

You might have known one real.

[Ryan Sickler]

Keeping a new idea going.

[Pete Holmes]

Now the eyes the funny thing is, if you go to New York, it just takes a while for it to come back online.

[Ryan Sickler]

It just sticks sometimes.

[Pete Holmes]

There we go. But I also, I look at that the other way. You ever look at it the other way? Like not. Not with gay rights or human rights. What do we call that? Just sex rights.

[Ryan Sickler]

Sure. That's not. What do you mean? Give me an example. Look at it.

[Pete Holmes]

What I'm saying is, I'm not bending on human dignity, but if I lived in rural, I won't even name a state, but if I lived in some very, very different place, I don't know, I try to make this point. I can't make it funny. Like, if I was raised in a very Republican place, a very gun friendly place, If I lived in the woods and there were bears and people were like, you gotta have a shotgun. I would have a shotgun. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. So I try to go like. What I'm saying is like. Or you can even do it amongst time. I've always said, like, if I were you, I'd be you. If I was raised by you, if I was raised by your parents, if I had all the same friends, the same school, the same location. Of course that's what we need. We need people to go like. Like, I'm me because of all of this and you're you because of all this. And if I was in that situation, I'd be you, and if you were in my situation, you'd be me. That's a great place to start. You can also do it for time. Like, baby, it's cold outside. You know how everybody every Christmas has a hard time with baby, it's cold outside. I understand. Like, it's like, what's the use in hurting my pride? Like that used to be a thing. Like, don't hurt my pride. Have sex. Have sex with me.

[Ryan Sickler]

I gotta go home. Tell people about that.

[Pete Holmes]

Right? You. If I was from 1948, I would have been like, and the girl too. She goes like, at least I'll. At least I'll be able to say that I tried. Like, she's posturing too. She. They're both horny as clearly. I hope it's Christmas. It's a horny time. But like, there's this thing. It's like my brothers will be pacing the floor. I need to say that at least I tried not to do it. So you can blush in the powder room and be like, you did, didn't you? I tried. You know what I mean? If we were in that time we would have been. You know how I know everybody in that time was that way doesn't make it right. But it makes you go like, stop acting like, I just saw Kimmel. We were talking about the man show and I was sort of roasting him about like the man show. And he just goes, if you had a problem with it, you should have said something at the time. Isn't that funny?

[Ryan Sickler]

Funny, but it's right.

[Pete Holmes]

But that's what I'm saying. We don't have to go to 1940 block for this experiment in the 90s. I thought girls jumping on trampolines and fucking like, who's smarter than a fucking cheerleader? Whatever. We were like. Because that's, that's what it was. I'm not saying it's right, but like, it's all hindsight and it's all like, I never would. I'd never own a gun. You would if there were coyotes. So you had to scare away from your chickens or whatever it is.

[Ryan Sickler]

Or if one of them ate your dog and you got another dog, bet you're going to get a fucking gun now, right?

[Pete Holmes]

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[Ad Read / Sponsor Voice]

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[Ryan Sickler]

Study and play come together on a Windows 11 PC.

[Pete Holmes]

And for a limited time, college students get the best of both worlds. Get the unreal college deal. Everything you need to study and play with select Windows 11 PCs.

[Ryan Sickler]

Eligible students get a year of Microsoft 365 Premium and a year of Xbox game Pass ultimate with a custom color Xbox wireless controller. Learn [e-mail] students an offer while supplies

[Pete Holmes]

last ends June 30th terms at aka Ms. College PC.

[Ryan Sickler]

Here's another thing. Don't mistake ladies for not knowing how to use guns.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's right.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's a big mistake that anybody can make. You don't think that, you know, there's a video I saw.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's the thing. If you pull a gun, you have to be willing to use it.

[Ryan Sickler]

And you pull any weapon. I tell my kids that. And you pull a knife out.

[Pete Holmes]

You better.

[Ryan Sickler]

Someone can pull a gun out. That's a weapon.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. You just brought a knife to a gunfight.

[Pete Holmes]

You literally did.

[Ryan Sickler]

So if you. You better be able to fucking use it.

[Pete Holmes]

As someone who's shot at a gun range, I could never. I just really feel like it would have to be a post apocalyptic. It's aliens.

[Ryan Sickler]

But guess what, everybody. Pete, Second Amendment now. Guys, you would be. Pete's voting for 2A now. We got zombies.

[Pete Holmes]

Everybody wait. In a zombie alien situation. We're all Chuck Norris.

[Ryan Sickler]

We're all Chuck Norris, bro. We better be. We better. I want every gun possible strapped to me in that situation.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'll be able to tell because of WI Fi.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yep. You'll know where I'm at. They'll know too.

[Pete Holmes]

That one's loaded.

[Ryan Sickler]

There's a video though, of a mom. It was app at a school where a guy came up with a gun. There were children coming out in a crosswalk and it was a lady who came up, shot him in front of everybody. Listen, I don't know if she's.

[Pete Holmes]

She didn't have time to go. Avert your eyes.

[Ryan Sickler]

That would have blown her cover, backed everybody up. But she was a mom and she was like, bang, right there. And I'm like, that's what you get. That's what you get. You're coming thinking women are weak and like that. You're coming to the school and this lady's like, I'll show you.

[Pete Holmes]

She said, find out.

[Ryan Sickler]

She was. She was waiting for it.

[Pete Holmes]

She said, find out.

[Ryan Sickler]

There's a lot of people out there. Ready?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. You have a gun?

[Ryan Sickler]

You'll have to find out, Pete. You'll have to find out if I have a gun or not.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the perfect answer. Just because it's fun. Ask me.

[Ryan Sickler]

You don't want to know. Oh, I'm sorry. Do you have a gun?

[Pete Holmes]

Find out.

[Ryan Sickler]

Doesn't it feel good?

[Pete Holmes]

I've talked about this. Can you imagine the sheer thrill of wearing a MAGA hat on an airplane?

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, man, the thrill. The thrill of it.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't.

[Ryan Sickler]

I. I don't know what I'm more scared of. The people to give me a salute. You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, there's that, that, there's that like,

[Ryan Sickler]

you know, the racism from other white people that just think because you're white, if you're on board and they lean in and do the whisper. Yeah, that's what I'm thinking. We're gonna get a lot of that.

[Pete Holmes]

Get a lot of that from cab drivers. Love being like, I'll tell you. Oh, boy. Or if they find out you're a comedian that told him.

[Ryan Sickler]

I don't even say it anymore.

[Pete Holmes]

Me neither.

[Ryan Sickler]

What are you here to Do. I'm here to. I just say, I'm here for work.

[Pete Holmes]

See friends. I see friends.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's even better.

[Pete Holmes]

Even better.

[Ryan Sickler]

What do you think? They asked me what I do for work.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you. Why are you here?

[Ryan Sickler]

I just do.

[Pete Holmes]

To rent a car.

[Ryan Sickler]

Say tech stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm here to rent a car. Can we wrap this up? I forget who it was. I think about it every time I'm renting a car. It was an open MICR in Chicago. Brilliant bit. He goes, why do the guys at Enterprise act like they own the cars? Like, they're like. They're slick. They're like, you want one of my cars?

[Ryan Sickler]

My cars.

[Pete Holmes]

These aren't your cars.

[Ryan Sickler]

These are not your cars.

[Pete Holmes]

What Mulaney said to me when I was nervous. We were both just young men and I was like. Like, I. I get nervous going into, like, what's it. What's a one of those stores going into? I can't remember. Where do you go to get a suit?

[Ryan Sickler]

Like Joseph? A bank or Suit Supply.

[Pete Holmes]

No, like a nice place.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, haberdashery.

[Pete Holmes]

One of those places.

[Ryan Sickler]

Okay, Nice.

[Pete Holmes]

I get nervous going there because the salesperson is always wearing a suit. He's an older guy. He's gonna make me feel like an idiot that I don't know, that I'm a long or whatever. And he and Melaney goes, they work in a suit store. He's not.

[Ryan Sickler]

Not that there's anything wrong.

[Pete Holmes]

There's nothing wrong with that. He was just trying to say, it's just a guy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Call him Great.

[Pete Holmes]

He. I don't think he meant. He might have. But I hear what he says. It's a guy.

[Ryan Sickler]

The guy.

[Pete Holmes]

It's true about any job. I remember when I was performing.

[Ryan Sickler]

But he should know his, though.

[Pete Holmes]

He should. But he doesn't have the right to make me feel bad.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, but he should be able to.

[Pete Holmes]

What Malaney would. Was or was touching on there is the guys at Enterprise act like they own the cars, and the guys in suit stores act like it's their manner.

[Ryan Sickler]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

And it's not. They're like, oh, welcome. You work in retail.

[Ryan Sickler]

Love how I said, joseph, suits apply, and you said, no, A nice one.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't know what that was. I didn't. I think you're like Men's Warehouse. He guarantees it. He guarantees it.

[Ryan Sickler]

He guarantees it.

[Pete Holmes]

Guy. He puts his name on it. He puts his. How about UFOs? You seem like a guy who's definitely seen a UFO.

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, I haven't. I wish. I wish. But I did go.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a crazy time.

[Ryan Sickler]

Have you ever been to Joshua Tree? To the Integratron? Integratron.

[Pete Holmes]

I know what you're talking about. I haven't. And there's like a part. You can sit in it and just flash into visions and shit. Dude, is this real?

[Ryan Sickler]

It's really real. Bourdain did an episode on it, too. It's so. It's out in.

[Pete Holmes]

Sebastian Bourdain or.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, Sebastian Bourdain. I'm glad you know him, man. A lot of people don't know. I usually have to say Sebastian Bourdain after that.

[Pete Holmes]

Wasn't just Anthony. Okay. He had a brother who toured around esoteric sites. Sebastian.

[Ryan Sickler]

Sebastian is such a good.

[Pete Holmes]

Sebastian Bourdain.

[Ryan Sickler]

So. And look, I get a lot of things wrong, and I paraphrase here, but the gentleman who built it was also friends with Nikolai Tesla and all those things back in the day. Guys that were, you know, next level, otherworldly thinking. Literally.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Supposedly visited by aliens. And this spot on planet Earth, this particular geographical location, that spot. He was told to build this thing, to be able to have. I believe it's communication both ways. So it's entirely handmade. Everything is wood. Everything. Every rivet, everything is wood. Not one piece of aluminum, not one piece of metal, nothing. It took a few years. Nails, wood, the whole thing, it's all wood.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, it's just, like, synced up like Legos.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's crazy, dude. And it's big. It's big. So you. You start in the bottom. It's. It's circular. And then they'll take you up the stairs. And then it's what you said. So it's a circle area and it's a sound bath. Okay. Now, I used to write and produce promos and do all this for shows. And I'd see these shows that were like some ladies in Chicago doing a sound bath in a office. And I'm like, this is hocus pocus, you know? So I go, not really knowing what to expect. And I go with a friend. And when you get there, they tell you, bring your own blanket. You're gonna lay on a super comfortable bed. You take your shoes off, and everyone lays with their heads toward the circle. And there were about legit 18 to 20 of us. It's. That's a lot. There's a lady at the head up there, and she's got all her crystals, and she's talking to you, and it sounds like she's got one of those, you Know Universal Studios head acoustics, but it's the acoustic acoustics. And she says, you know, stand over this hole. It's the. And speak. It's the only time you're ever going to hear your voice like this on planet Earth. It will not sound like this any where else on this rock in outer space. And they're telling me that I end up. It's A guy recognizes me. He and his wife and his brother had worked there. So now he's giving us like the whole 41 1. And he's telling us that women will stand over it and lift their skirts to get the energy into their vaginas. What? They're doing this. You. You bring your rocks. They're like. You can put your rocks over there. They'll charge, like, automatically. Charge over there in that van. Yeah, it's. It's.

[Pete Holmes]

Charge them up. Get that swoosh.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm. I live somewhere in between. This is awesome. And this is.

[Pete Holmes]

Sure.

[Ryan Sickler]

I live somewhere in the middle of that called Baltimore. Thank you. You. So we start this sound bath. You're laying on your back and wait,

[Pete Holmes]

did you do the voice thing?

[Ryan Sickler]

Well, I didn't at first. Okay. I didn't. I felt stupid. No one did, actually. People went over it and stood there. And you can. You can silently pray whatever you want. It's all. It's. It's so. It's open all the way up.

[Pete Holmes]

So on the scale from whooshing it up your cooch and saying nothing, people were saying nothing, Nothing.

[Ryan Sickler]

We saw no cooches. So you lay down, and the lady starts and she tells you which each rock is and what's gonna do. And she starts rubbing them. And she says. And before she says anything, I'm like, man, this is lighting my ankles up. And she said, you should feel this in your ankles. And I was like, no, wait, it

[Pete Holmes]

was lighting your ankles up.

[Ryan Sickler]

You could feel the vibration. Like. Like they were testing me for Charcot Marie Tooth disease, bro. You like that call back to a disease. So disease callback. Then she does another one. She's telling you throughout the hour experience. I'm going to be using these crystals, and I'm going to introduce you to each one. So the first one, she's like, you should feel this in your ankles. And I'm. Before she says it. Next one, she starts rubbing. My knees are going crazy. Specifically, perfectly. You should feel this in your knees. And I'm like, whatever.

[Pete Holmes]

No longer the ankles.

[Ryan Sickler]

Nope. We've moved different stone. Now we move to another stone, and she hits it And I'm like, this is in my heart. Not my chest, my heart. And she says, you should feel this in your heart. Now that's three for me. And I'm like. But I'm still like, how long? You know, it's is.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then she does the fourth one, Pete Holmes. My throat, like my Adam's apples, lights up. And she said, you should feel this in your throat. And I said, I'm all in. Wow. My friend who was all in the beginning was like, this is a. I loved it the whole time. It was like full body massage from the inside, acoustics. And yes. It was so relaxed. And they tell you if anyone. Because you're so relaxed, you'll fall asleep, possibly if someone's snoring, they want you to gently nudge them. No. No phones on. No. No sounds can interrupt what's happening in this. Wow. At the end, people are leaving, and the ladies over there and I. It's. It's wider than where we're sitting to that wall right now. Okay. So she's. She's back a little ways, and I go over toward the center, and I said. I'm speaking to her, and I said, it really sounds like you have, like, a microphone headset. And she's looking at me. She goes, I can't hear anything you're saying. Louder. And I scream it. And she's like, I can barely hear that. I was like, whoa. She goes, speak. Speak over that hole. And I go over there. Dude, it's crazy. I started. I threw out some prayers. I throw out some wishes. Your voice doesn't sound anything. You know how when you first hear your voice on tape and you're like, I don't sound like that. And then eventually it catches up to you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Not this.

[Pete Holmes]

It was always weird.

[Ryan Sickler]

It was crazy.

[Pete Holmes]

It just sounded like it had effects all over it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes. Wild. Whoa. Like, almost otherworldly. It's crazy. So wait, I'm sorry. So then she says, now go back to the other side. So now we're fully across this thing. Okay. And she says, talk to me. I start talking to her. She goes. And she's shaking her head, and she's. Can't hear you. She goes, take a small step. Just a half a step to your right. And I do. Dude, it sounds like we're talking right now. It is built so acoustically perfect that just a step over here, you. I. I was able to whisper over here.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, that's like Grand Central. There's that spot in Grand Central.

[Ryan Sickler]

And she would. Yeah, absolutely.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's crazy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Phenomenal. So I. I'm all for whatever the else is out there.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

I'm all for seeing it. Knowing about a vibration.

[Pete Holmes]

You have a corresponding part of your body.

[Ryan Sickler]

How you figure out a rock does that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Who's studying that?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, every culture except ours.

[Ryan Sickler]

Right. So I was like, let's go try this out. And it was. It was awesome. Wow. Yeah, it was awesome. So cool. I loved it. It.

[Pete Holmes]

But you. I'm not going to ask you to go into it because it's in your special, which is on YouTube.com. but you did almost die, right. And you've been talking to people about NDEs, and you must have been getting quite a selection.

[Ryan Sickler]

So I went. Yeah, I went for a surgery in 2023 Cedar Sinai. Mishandled me. Did not. Not pay attention to me telling them I got this blood disease. Hey, please don't let me lay here. Help me, help me, help me.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I love that part in your special where you go, this nurse went. You seem fine.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then you went, and I never saw her again. That's what it's like being in a hospital these days.

[Ryan Sickler]

It is.

[Pete Holmes]

Luckily, I've only been for Val's birth, you know, the birth of my daughter. But, like, it's crazy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And that was pretty good. But you will see somebody and you'll never see them again.

[Ryan Sickler]

No longer are we getting Pete the nurse.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Every day, who knows? My medications, my rhythm, my routine. We're getting Pete today day, we're getting Ryan tomorrow, we're getting Katie the next day, maybe Pete comes back again. You know what I mean? Like, it's no longer a staff. It's now just freelance employees. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yep.

[Ryan Sickler]

But long story short, that happens, and, you know, I can't work or do anything, and I force myself to get back out on the road. I did not die. I did collapse on the bed and black out, but I did not officially flatline. They. The clots. So I had a massive clotting situation. I had a. Well, it went through my lung. Excuse me. It went through my heart first and into my lungs, but my entire lungs were covered. I didn't just have one clot, which is still horrible. One is enough. But I had a massive pulmonary embolism. Like, when you pull it out, you could lay it down on the map of my of lungs and it would fill it. It was crazy.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no.

[Ryan Sickler]

So anyway, yes, that happens. But I get out on the road and I just start asking people if anyone's ever, you know, had A near death. Near death experience. And first night immediately some dude in the back was like, actually died. And I was like, well then near death experiences. Let's start with has anyone here actually died and come back And Pete Holmes. In every city I went to at least one often multiple. What every one of them. There's one in my special who I love this lady Rachel. She was great. There's another guy that was there from earlier when I went to comedy on State in the. The year prior he was shot and killed by a guy across the pond who was duck hunting. Oh my God. I've had so many of them that are so crazy and so wild. And these people come back and I'm just like, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And what it. What is there do you see through lines repeating.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's funny you say that. Yeah. Let's go serious for a second. The majority or at least half, I'd say are medical. And I mean malpractice. I mean ups.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean do you the opening line of your specialist.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

If you're interested in staying alive, don't go to the hospital. It's.

[Ryan Sickler]

Listen, if you do everything you can to stay out of a hospital, a long term hospital stay, everything you can. Sometimes you can't, but do every thing you can. That's also why I say the. For me, walking and moving would be better than a. A shot or a pill because I'm doing something with my body, not just losing weight.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

Like wasting away.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. You don't want to just waste away.

[Pete Holmes]

So there's a tiny interjection. They're doing interesting things with sunlight too. I try and get sunlight every day and sun your butthole just on my.

[Ryan Sickler]

You want it? No, I mean you do this.

[Pete Holmes]

The butthole Sonium sunbathing.

[Ryan Sickler]

You've seen that?

[Pete Holmes]

I have done it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Have you really?

[Pete Holmes]

Spot in my bedroom where the sun comes in real strong and I was just like,

[Ryan Sickler]

wait, you went forward? You didn't lay back and pull your legs off your head? Get the glow?

[Pete Holmes]

No, I went backwards.

[Ryan Sickler]

Good for you.

[Pete Holmes]

I, I didn't, I didn't love it.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But anyway, I'm just saying like when you're talking about moving, they're also noticing like sunlight and that's often accompanied with moving. Like moving. Walking, swimming, hiking and sunlight. These are two things that we've known for. And I'm not trying to say that's a cure all for everything, but it's a very good step in a good direction. And they're just. I like to interject here because we've had this idea that the sun is a laser beam that's trying to kill us. And they're walking that back. They say 20 minutes of sun. You don't have to take your clothes off because the infrared goes.

[Ryan Sickler]

Sunlight, daylight goes through your clothes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And they're trying to make sunblocks that will allow that, because right now the sun blocks we wear do block what we could call the good stuff. But anyway, I'm just with you. The basics, movement basics. Keep going.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I guess through line would be that, you know, really knowing, you know, what you have genetically, like, what issues you may have, be prone to know. Be. Be your. Be your best and advocate. Be your best advocate. Go in. But if you don't, you could be unconscious for a month. You could be in a coma while you're laying in there. Somebody else has to know. And again, all my. Was in my paperwork and they still missed it. So do your best. The other through line I see a lot is stupidity, a lot of dumb. And it's mostly dudes, of course, dying, you know, doing dumb and dying to come back up. Fighting over a girl and getting. Getting shot, you know. Dumb. Okay, dumb. Yeah, dumb guy.

[Pete Holmes]

I was also looking for that through line of their experience when they're dead.

[Ryan Sickler]

No, there's been no. I've seen the light. There's been no the other sides. There's been only one. There was one lady, she was in Tulsa, Oklahoma. This clip's actually up online. She was one of my favorites too, this lady. She was running track and her uterus, I think, bursts, and she wakes up in a helicopter. And I'm like, what if. You know what I imagine? You're just running on a track, and the next thing you know, you're. I'm like, your explodes and you're in a helicopter and you don't know what's going on. She actually died. And she said Jesus had come to her through the window and talked to her. And when she told her mom, her mom was like, shut the up. You're crazy.

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah. And then,

[Pete Holmes]

hella Jesus.

[Ryan Sickler]

So I said to her, she was talking about how she had just lost her virginity and all this stuff. And I'm like, how old are you? And she's like, 69. I'm like, of course you're 69. So I go, I have a question to ask you. You died. And she's like, I died? I go, okay, well, then when you come back, technically you're a virgin again. How long did it take you to lose your new virginity. And she was so sweet. She's like six months.

[Ad Read / Sponsor Voice]

Thoughts?

[Ryan Sickler]

I go, who? She goes, an old flame from high school. I go, good for you.

[Pete Holmes]

She probably.

[Ryan Sickler]

She's like, I could die any day now. Let's get this thing going.

[Pete Holmes]

Enough exploding uteruses, you know what I mean?

[Ryan Sickler]

Like, it's back in action.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's.

[Ryan Sickler]

Let's go. Yeah, she was great. She was great. And I'll tell you the other one. Let me give you an actual through line that as I think about it, because I would say this, when I would do it, they all. I made a, you know, a dumb joke that says, you know, they're all like very even. They're very. Just right in here. They're not loud. They're not the boisterous. Pay attention to me, people. They don't often share. That's my whole joke. Who am I telling? Every mother. So that was Stanley.

[Pete Holmes]

Stanley was like, if I was a superhero, I'd tell everybody.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I have a secret identity.

[Ryan Sickler]

No. So that was the thing that they were very. And I say it's like almost like, you know, dying takes a little bit of the life out of you. But it was. It was almost like this.

[Ad Read / Sponsor Voice]

Just.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, chill out.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, a chill level for sure. For sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Well, this is why you're so crisp. And what are you promoting? I. I just checked the time. We're. We're just about 90 minutes. Damn. Believe. Can you believe that?

[Ryan Sickler]

And we do this for a living. I cannot believe that's 90. I thought we were in an hour. Right now I can't.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. I can't believe it. You're one of the best.

[Ryan Sickler]

You are. Dude. I love you.

[Pete Holmes]

I love you too. But like, I've just been sitting here going like, like, after this we'll start.

[Ryan Sickler]

We haven't even turned the cameras on yet. I really.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a day off when you're here. I just want to make sure we promote what you want to promote.

[Ryan Sickler]

My special will be great. Go watch my special. It's on my YouTube.

[Pete Holmes]

Live and alive 850. I've been talking about that. Live and alive on YouTube. You're at a mill.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's amazed it crept over him. Well, so my first one. Lefty Son, go watch that as well. I directed that one. Self produced it at all at the Dynasty. They're awesome there. I love them. Yeah, that one got demonetized after a month. It had hit 500,000 in a month. No, two weeks. Excuse me, two weeks. And then they said, I Glorified cannabis. So they demonetized it. So it took me.

[Pete Holmes]

Meanwhile, every snoop, come on, every snoop video is fine.

[Ryan Sickler]

It took me three years or four. Four years for that one to finally creep over because it, you know, they kill it. This one was. Had 200,000 downloads in two days. Wow. And then I'll tell you the story because you should know this if you're doing your own. It got flagged. You know, they tell you live in the comments for the first few days, respond. Helps get it out in the algorithm. So I'm doing that. I'm obviously, this is my new special. I'm self producing, self funding, doing also I'm obsessed with checking numbers and everything. And on today, it dropped on a Friday, on Sunday, yellow dollar sign. And I'm like, it's over. Once that happens, it's over. I go, what the. I'm able to get a hold of

[Pete Holmes]

a guy that's the icon in your.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, your dollar sign.

[Pete Holmes]

You can't make money on it.

[Ryan Sickler]

What that says is red is no one's making money. Yellow is you're not making money, but we're still making money money. What it really means is this. It's now inappropriate for anyone under 18. So it won't be shown to anyone under 18. It will be shown to anyone who is a premium member and 18 and over. That's it. If so, my argument was, well, wait, what if I'm 16 and I'm a premium member? Well, then we'll show it to you. You. I'm like, so it's not really about the age. Yeah, it's about the dollar sign. Yeah, their dollar sign, not mine.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Be a good lawyer.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you. So then they say, love you to be my. The way it works.

[Pete Holmes]

Let me tell you how it works.

[Ryan Sickler]

Let me tell you how this is.

[Pete Holmes]

What? I can't lock the door?

[Ryan Sickler]

You better lock the door. I got screen grabs of all this, emails and everything. I'm happy to show it to you. Yeah. The way it works is that AI will do an initial scan across. You know, the other thing is, Pete, and for all of you out there doing this on your own, you got to put your ego aside when you. That's your whole life, your baby or whatever. But when you put it up on YouTube, it's just a file. That's all it is up there, it's a file.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Ryan Sickler]

It's a 60 minute file.

[Pete Holmes]

You could say the same about Netflix, you said.

[Ryan Sickler]

Right, but. But the difference with YouTube is AI is going to comb that 60 minute file for language or content that YouTube deems acceptable, regardless of context.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You throw an F word in there or whatever, even if you're gay and you're saying, I used to get called this and beat up.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Then doesn't matter. Context doesn't matter. Well, so what happened was AI scanned it and said that there were too many curse words in a certain amount of time at the very end. And all it was was people chanting Steve at the end. Just a dumb little chant on the way out. And then what happens is AI sends a clip of that. Okay, just that part that it has an issue with, to a human who's then supposed to open it, review it, sign off on it. Okay. And my argument was, well, how in the. Did the Joe Rogan Donald Trump episode not get demonetized? And the guy said, we had over 30,000 complaints, but it's our job to sit there and go, that's not hate speech. That's this, that's fine. And he said, the AI file was sent to the employee. The employee did not open it, did not look at it. Just let AI make the decision. I was like, so wait, so my guy might have just left earlier, gone to lunch. He's like, I can't say what they did or didn't do, but yeah. And I was like. And he's like, so it's a mistake. And I'm like, but if you guys made that mistake and you're aware of it, you could undo it, right? Well, I'm like, but you could, right?

[Pete Holmes]

There's just not a lot of.

[Ryan Sickler]

There's a human that could go in there and put it right back in the algorithm, right?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

So what ended up happening was we had to clip it, do all this other bullshit. I had to. I did a one paid ad to help it because it was so. It happened so fast that if we get it back in the algorithm, he said, it'll. If it catches, you'll see the numbers go up, and if it doesn't, it'll just crawl. And it did, but it, it creeped, like, got to a million. And then now it's just like that, flatline. It's over like a million, I don't know, 30,000 or so. I don't know what it is, but they've gotten both of them. And it really me up, it me up. Because I was saying to them, like, where are your guidelines? Like, when you shoot a special for Netflix, they'll tell you, this format, this, this, this is how we want the video Right, right. Where's. Where's the rule? That amount of curse words. Do you think we wouldn't do that?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you know what I mean?

[Ryan Sickler]

Like, yeah, you guys are getting turnkey quality network specials and you're not gonna put a guidelines thing up so that we don't ourselves.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, just let it help. That's wild. Help us.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, that's a wild. So it really was like, for me, I'm like, okay, well, if my network is YouTube, then what should I do with these stories then? Should I break them up into individual stories and just tell them to camera instead of spending thousands of dollars for two years out on the road? And so, you know what I mean? Like, what is the new way for me? So, yeah, actually recently. Recently went back to Baltimore and sat my friend's junkyard. And I do. It's. Hopefully it's not gonna be I sat in his junkyard. I actually did a podcast miniseries within the way back with my brothers and friends sitting in the junkyard telling old stories. But this one's just me talking to camera and telling stories that will B roll and cover with footage and stuff and isolated instead of going around the country and building them, literally. I'm gonna try this and I call it salvaged. I like it because, you know, I grew up in a junkyard and, you know, I'm very much that. That, you know, wrecked car, like. Yeah, well, that car is wrecked, but the hood's still good. Yeah, the motor's still good in that car. The tires and rims might be shot, but that trunk's still good. Yeah, yeah. And it's all these little pieces of people. I think that often people see a junkyard as just this graveyard. And I'm like, nah, there's so much more about people than. Than this missing leg or that eye patch. We don't want to ask.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

You know what I'm saying? Tales of the Gold Monkey. Do you know that? You don't know that show. So Tales of the Golden Monkey, this one. I was a kid. Yep. Can you look it up for a second? Just for yourself? Look this up. I can't believe you just made me think of it. Don't say what the eye patch is yet. You're gonna see it before anybody else. Tales of the Gold Monkey was about, like, this Indiana Jones type figure who flew a seaplane and had a dog with a. What?

[Pete Holmes]

What

[Ryan Sickler]

you deserve. Maybe it's an old TV show from what, the 80s? It was in like Indiana Jones. Every episode's like a one off. I think There was adventure. You remember BJ and the Bear? Oh, bro. BJ and the Bear was an 18 wheeler driver who had a chimpanzee as his buddy and they went out to

[Pete Holmes]

have an animal sidekick back then. You had to.

[Ryan Sickler]

It was a week.

[Pete Holmes]

This reminds me of like the city

[Ryan Sickler]

and my best friend Bear.

[Pete Holmes]

Shirt tails.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, I know. Shirt tails, of course.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, these are live action.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's Tales of the Gold Monkey.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Ryan Sickler]

This is real.

[Pete Holmes]

This looks like a good weed.

[Ryan Sickler]

This was well done. Like Indiana Jones back in the day. Oh, he had a seaplane.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah, I love it.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, Rye, would you.

[Ryan Sickler]

Also. One more thing. Please go watch my podcast. Go watch the Honeydew, the way back. Just subscribe to YouTube, please. My YouTube's Ryan, subscribe Sickler.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, YouTube on Ryan Sickler. And watch everything.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

But watch your. Watch the Honeydew.

[Ryan Sickler]

All of it.

[Pete Holmes]

When I did it, it was so fun.

[Ryan Sickler]

Oh, you're great, dude.

[Pete Holmes]

You. You just bring out the bits. You're a special guy.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

I love you very much.

[Ryan Sickler]

I love you.

[Pete Holmes]

And we'll check. Well, we will plug those specials up top. The last question I ask is maybe you haven't been on the show in like 10 years.

[Ryan Sickler]

I want to say, the last time I did this show, were you still a nerd? Mel?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

Which is where I originally met.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Ryan Sickler]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't think we. I know we weren't asking this question. It's how we like to close is can you think of a time in your life you laughed harder than you've ever laughed in your. And it doesn't have to be a good story, but you're just crying with laughter.

[Ryan Sickler]

All right, I'm going to answer it two ways because I, of course, I have to fucking run my mouth.

[Pete Holmes]

All right.

[Ryan Sickler]

The best laughter that I've had. The best laughs are all the ones you weren't supposed to have, of course. The ones next to someone in church, you know, old lady farts or whatever. And your parents look at you with them, don't you? Oh, oh, any of those. And I see my brother's shoulder shaking next to me and I'm like, oh, this is gonna be. Yes, those are the great ones. But a specific one.

[Pete Holmes]

What? It's one of the greats. I tell it all the time. Zach Galifianakis. They were doing A Silent Night in church and they all had candles and the whole song. His dad is trying to get his candle lit. Can't get it lit. Can't get it lit. Can't get it lit. Finally gets it lit right? When everyone goes, they died laughing. So you're laughing at your dad, which is another kind in a place you're not supposed to laugh. Double goodness. That's double dipped the best.

[Ryan Sickler]

Those are the best. But I'll say the hardest times I've laughed in my life. My most favorite times. You know, I. My childhood sucks. My mom split. My dad dies at 16. But his mom was our grandmom and she was the best. So there will be summer nights, we'd go stay with her. And she had a little spot in Baltimore right off of Interstate 95. And she laid in the middle of the bed. My one brother laid to the left of her, my other brother laid to the right of her. And I laid across the foot of the bed.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wow.

[Ryan Sickler]

Where the dog, you know, sleeps.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Ryan Sickler]

And we would sit there and she would just tell us stories and make us fucking laugh. And we would laugh and laugh.

[Pete Holmes]

How old are you?

[Ryan Sickler]

And laugh. I'm 53.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. I mean, at this time, oh man.

[Ryan Sickler]

Probably 10.

[Pete Holmes]

Hard to make a 10 laugh and make it that diverse of age.

[Ryan Sickler]

And I didn't. What we didn't realize till I just talked about this with my brothers. My grandmother didn't know she was doing it either, but it was all improv. I thought. We thought she was telling us stories, you know, from her past.

[Pete Holmes]

That's how you do it. I'm always trying to get my daughter to listen to my made up stories. And she goes, is this real? And I go, no, baby, it's not real. And I'm like, it's metaphorically. She's like, I want a true story.

[Ryan Sickler]

We believe Tooth was a person in the neighborhood. You know what I mean? We believe.

[Pete Holmes]

Unfortunately, I do sometimes sneak a made up story and then she goes tell that one about when you and your brother ran from the guy on Halloween. And I don't remember.

[Ryan Sickler]

That's it. That's when we learned. Because we would tell my grandma this, tell us that story. Yeah. She'd be like. And she couldn't remember.

[Pete Holmes]

You didn't know. And what I can tell you is these parents are half asleep. That's why they're so good.

[Ryan Sickler]

No doubt.

[Pete Holmes]

You're like.

[Ryan Sickler]

And then she's also saying her rosary.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, we don't. There's a tuna melt the size of Montana. Like we're half asleep.

[Ryan Sickler]

Sleep. But my grandmother had a laugh. And that was the other thing too, like hearing her laugh. My daughter's never met my grandmother, but I IMITATE her laugh. And my daughter will start laughing because she had this. It was like a startup. She would just go, if you heard this, this is when we would all look at each other and be like, kill grandma. If you heard her go that, oh, then another one was coming and then it would. And then it would go into a thing and we'd be like, like kill grandma. And just whatever we. She was laughing at, we try to make it funnier. Just lean in on it. That's the best.

[Pete Holmes]

What a great thing you've given us today.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

I feel like Mr. Rogers.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you for having me.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what a special person you are.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thanks, Fred.

[Pete Holmes]

What a gift you've given us.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you for it.

[Pete Holmes]

So this is your job. You just tell funny things.

[Ryan Sickler]

Try. I try. I hope, I hope your fans enjoy it.

[Pete Holmes]

I know they did. I can't know that, but I. I hope they did. Thank you, Ryan. Every time. You're always welcome. Highlight of my day. Would you say keep it crispy? It's just how we close.

[Ryan Sickler]

Keep it crispy.

[Pete Holmes]

You know we will.

[Ryan Sickler]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, you made it weird.

[Ryan Sickler]

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