Trevor Wallace

Summary

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Episode: Trevor Wallace

Date: January 14, 2026

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Overview

In this lively, fast-moving episode of You Made It Weird, Pete Holmes sits down with comedian, YouTuber, and social media creator Trevor Wallace. The conversation dives deep into the secret "weirdness" every person harbors—especially comedians—while covering everything from comedy careers and parenthood to AI, viral trends, Jewish holiday traditions, sports fandom, and the economics of Christmas lights. The two riff with reckless, affectionate abandon, exploring their craft, their insecurities, and their takes on internet culture. As always, the tone is playful, earnest, and genuinely weird.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Opening Banter & Holiday Catch-Up (03:06–05:27)

• Commute & Holiday Work: Trevor jokes about Pete living in Ojai; both discuss working through the holidays and noticing the absurdity of putting up Christmas lights at the last minute.
• Age & Work Ethic: They playfully compare astrological signs and work habits, with Trevor about to turn 33 (his "Christ year").

Quote:
"See, you're 33."
—Pete Holmes [03:32]
"32. Turning 33 in like a week."
—Trevor Wallace [03:36]

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2. Christmas Lights: Socioeconomic Status & Comedy (05:27–08:01)

• Hiring People for Lights: Pete confesses to hiring people to put up lights—seen as a "coastal elite thing." Trevor prods him about the expense and cultural connotation.
• Comedy About Luxuries: Jokes about how more lights could signal a terminal diagnosis, and riffing about Santa, moths, and absurdly well-lit houses.

Quote:
"Fuck me for hiring someone to put up lights. But in California, it's like a thing..."
—Pete Holmes [05:40]

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3. White Claw Viral Video & Social Commentary (08:01–09:02)

• Revisiting Viral Hits: Pete compliments Trevor’s "White Claw" video, using it as a launchpad to discuss comedy about trends and class.
• AirPods & Lifesytle Jokes: Both riff on the entitlement that can come with consumer tech culture.

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4. AI, GPT, and the Shifting Sands of “Achievement” (09:02–10:55)

• Tech Flexes: Satirize people acting superior due to using AI or tech they didn’t actually invent.
• Fan Ownership: Comparing wearing a sports jersey ("we have a big game this week") to taking credit for tech achievements.
• Teen Environmental Pushback: Noting young people's awareness of AI's global costs.

Quote:
"Bro, AI is the newest one. Have you noticed when people act…when I can do something new and amazing…they act like they did it?"
—Pete Holmes [08:21]

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5. Parenting & Nostalgia: Biting the Cucumber Tree (10:55–13:00)

• Parenting Story: Pete shares an anecdote about his daughter biting an exotic tree at a botanical garden, paralleling comedic curiosity and childhood boundary-testing.
• Comedic Reflections: Both reflect on kid antics and how earlier generations "tested" everything (911 calls, pranks).

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6. Security Alarms, Entrepreneurial Jokes, and Scrub Daddy (13:00–19:05)

• Tech Mishaps: Trevor shares about accidentally calling the police due to security alarms while on tour.
• Entrepreneurial Spirit: Jokes about Shark Tank, scrubbers (Scrub Daddy), and the oddity of accidental business success—contrasting with the uphill climb of comedians seeking legitimacy.
• Comedy's Wastefulness & Rejection: Both discuss how odd comedy careers can get (presidential runs, failed inventions).

Quote:
"Scrub Daddy. It also sounds like a gay club that’s filled with bubbles. You going to Scrub Daddy? Hell, yeah."
—Pete Holmes [17:25]

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7. Salt & Straw Ice Cream, L.A. Geography, and Life’s Small Luxuries (20:01–22:29)

• Fancy Flavors & LA Life: The duo lampoon $8 ice cream, bizarre flavors, and LA’s impossible distances for food and drink quests.
• Comedic Observations: Trevor’s girlfriend’s naivete about LA distances triggers humor about urban planning and car culture.

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8. Stand-Up Rituals, Green Room Habits, and Adrenaline (22:30–26:38)

• Show Preparation: Both discuss non-negotiable pre-show habits: exercise, breathwork, cold plunges (dunking face in ice).
• Joke Construction: Discuss the nuances of working the crowd when an audience member has a distinctive laugh or tic—balancing comedy with sensitivity.

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9. ADHD, Generational Differences & Comedy Roots (25:40–27:35)

• Riffing Off the Rails: Pete delights in the ADHD energy, and both acknowledge generational divides (Super Nintendo vs. Game Boy Color).
• Comedy Influences: Trevor shares how unique audience members’ reactions can derail or energize a taping.

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10. Jewish Identity, Hanukkah Rituals, and Family Gifts [~40:21–44:05]

• Jewish Upbringing: Trevor opens up about his (lightly) Jewish childhood and feeling outside Christmas culture.
• Hanukkah Gifting: They break down the emotional game of opening Hanukkah presents, including the perils of receiving mundane gifts.
• Comedic Riffs: Jokes about Jewish Santa ("Shalom Clause"), Sarah Silverman jokes, and the agony of giving tags to comedians.

Quote:
"Growing up, we didn’t really celebrate Christmas. So I never had the Advent calendar. I never was like, it’s three more days. You wake up, and you’re like, 'Oh we’re doing gifts today.'"
—Trevor Wallace [40:40]

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11. Trends & Virality: Algorithms, Posting, and AI (65:06–73:03)

• Algorithm Anxiety: Trevor unpacks how making content for platforms has changed—from crafting one video a week to racing trends in “fast fashion” content.
• Timing Is Everything: Identifying the “wave” of virality. Bringing up offline "weather vane" friends to forecast mainstream adoption.
• AI’s Role in Content Creation: Discussion of AI tools, creative control, and the current backlash against AI-generated content.

Quote:
"Every trend is like a wave. If you’re too early, it flops. If you’re too late, you don’t ride the wave. But if you get that perfect..."
—Trevor Wallace [67:32]

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12. Sports Fandom & Identity (55:56–58:47)

• Sports Conversion: Trevor shares how he became a convert to sports fandom in adulthood, finding deeper connection only after being included by friends.
• Audience Personality Types: Pete discusses why some comics, himself included, can only enjoy activities where their “specialness” is recognized.

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13. The Business of Comedy: Fulfillment vs. Responsibility (101:08–101:44)

• Creative Joy vs. Business Stress: Trevor admits loving creativity, but as success grows, the job tilts toward business decisions and responsibility for others.
• Leaning Into Collaboration: Both joke about hiring (and suing) business managers, and skimming funds.
• Collaborative Weirdness: Pete delights in the joy of two comedians riffing as mutual interruptions, which somehow become a “conversation.”

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14. Fame ("Weird Flexes"), Meeting Idols, and Helicopter Landings (103:07–124:03)

• Wild Experiences: Trevor’s "weird flexes" include attending a Chainsmokers game night and being flown by Natty Light to the Catalina Wine Mixer by helicopter (a real event).
• Meeting Dave Chappelle: Chappelle knows Trevor’s work—an enormous milestone and a surreal, cinematic experience.
• Odd Brand Interactions: Anecdote about Monster Energy not wanting to appear too “corporate,” and how viral fame leads to surreal requests.

Quote:
"Somebody taps my agent: 'come with me, [Chappelle] wants to meet Trevor.' ... Dave is sitting in a red or blue room, back turned, smoking a cigarette. He gets up, and he’s a big guy, jacked, smoking ... he goes, 'Great—people say great things about you.' ... I’ll never forget the visual imagery of that room..."
—Trevor Wallace [121:30]

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15. Deep Comedy Craft: Audience, Context & Meaning (47:26–49:24)

• Contextualizing Jokes: Pete explains how building trust and context during a set lets you go deeper with religion or personal material.
• Craft of Stand-Up: Joke “surgery” and the need to “walk the audience through” your perspective.

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16. Speed Round & Closing Laughs (96:00–127:10)

• Rapid-Fire Questions: Ghosts, UFOs, near-death experiences, and odd Jewish food references (“Mountain Jew”).
• Advice for Creators: Both stress the importance of not chasing trends, but making what you want to see—focusing on the creative, not the numbers.
• Funniest Laughs & Meaning of Life: Trevor’s hardest laughs: late-night sleepover delirium on a tour bus with co-host Michael Blaustein.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the illusion of tech achievement:
  "You didn't do shit. You bought it at an airport..."
  —Pete Holmes [08:47]

• On Christmas lights and money-status guilt:
  "It's a coastal elite thing. It's like a money-fancy-boy—you have a couple hundo to spare..."
  —Trevor Wallace [05:53]

• On Jewish holiday confusion:
  "How do you determine when Hanukkah is? ... it's after Lebanon. We should know this."
  —Pete Holmes [41:09]

• On YouTube and ADHD:
  "You bring the ticks, I bring the talks."
  —Trevor Wallace [25:25]

• On the creative process and algorithms:
  "My advice would just be not to harp so much... it's not about followers anymore. Just keep posting until you find your own."
  —Trevor Wallace [83:54]

• On comedy’s business side:
  "The more successful you get in comedy, the more it turns into a business..."
  —Trevor Wallace [101:08]

• On the meaning of life:
  "The meaning of life is to laugh the hardest I’ve laughed."
  —Trevor Wallace [124:44]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening Riff / Holiday Banter: [03:06–05:27]
• Christmas Lights/Socioeconomic Jokes: [05:27–08:01]
• White Claw Video Chat: [08:01–09:02]
• AI & Tech Flexing: [09:02–10:55]
• Parenting Story (Cucumber Tree): [10:55–13:00]
• Security Tech / Scrub Daddy Riff: [13:00–19:05]
• Salt & Straw LA Life: [20:01–22:29]
• Pre-Show Habits & Comedy Drill: [22:30–26:38]
• ADHD / Unique Laugh Disruption: [25:40–27:35]
• Jewish Upbringing / Hanukkah: [40:21–44:05]
• Viral Trends & Algorithms: [65:06–73:03]
• Sports Fandom Conversion: [55:56–58:47]
• Creative Life vs. Business: [101:08–101:44]
• Weird Flexes (Chainsmokers, Catalina Mixer): [103:07–124:03]
• Deep Craft (Context & Joke): [47:26–49:24]
• Speed Round / Funniest Laugh: [96:00–127:10]

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Final Words

Trevor Wallace on meaning and laughter:
"The meaning of life is to laugh the hardest I've laughed ... on the tour bus, in the bunk beds after shows, doing these sleepover podcast episodes—some of those moments are the hardest I've ever laughed."
—[124:44]

Pete Holmes on the therapy of comedy:
"I'm a guy who — not being seen feels really unsafe. And I know that's a little therapist ... it feels like death to me."
—[58:00]

Closing
Both Pete and Trevor sign off with the signature:
"Keep it crispy!"

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This episode delivers a prime dose of comedic “weirdness”—full of self-aware social satire, goofy observational play, reflections on success and authenticity, and the kinship (and chaos) that only comics can conjure. Listeners get insight into both comedians’ creative engines and neuroses, with plenty of belly laughs and real-life wisdom along the way.

Transcript

[Pete Holmes]

Lemonade.

[Trevor Wallace]

You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[Pete Holmes]

What's happening, weirdos? And I'm not huge about saying happy New Year, but I'll do it. Happy new year. It's 2026. I'm so happy to be back with the show. I hope you had a nice little break and we couldn't be hitting the ground running faster. That's an expression. We're here with Trevor Wallace, who is an amazing person, a great comedian, and a overall comedy giant. He does so much funny stuff. A lot of it's on YouTube, a lot of it's on his Instagram, his TikTok. He's hilarious. I just did a movie with Trevor that's called the Big Kill that'll be out this year. He was a delight to work with and I was like, we got to do a pod. And I'm so glad we did and I'm so glad you guys are here to check it out. As I always say, let's get to it as quickly as possible. Not much for me to plug up top. I'm just going to my own website, which feels kind of a little weird, but who cares? I have shows this weekend in San Francisco. Some of them are already sold out, which is amazing. Thank you SF for coming out. But PeteHomes.com for tickets if you hearing this the day it came out, Largo on the 21st of January, followed by North Car, Carolina, South Carolina, Miami. I'm going to Michigan, going to Irvine, Texas, Madison, Wisconsin and Denver, Colorado. All of those are available for the Pete Here now tour on PeteHomes.com. hope you can be there. And in the meantime, enjoy my wonderful chat with my wonderful new friend, the amazing, the hilarious Trevor Wallace. Get into it. You Made It Weird is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds. Because Progressive offers discounts for paying in full, owning a home and more. Plus, you can count on their great customer service to help you out when you need it. So your dollar goes a long way. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save or on car insurance. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states or situations.

[Trevor Wallace]

Hey there, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus. I'm back with a new season of Wiser Than Me. The show where I sit down with remarkable older women and soak up their stories, their humor and their hard earned wisdom. Every conversation leaves me a little smarter and definitely more inspired. And yes, I'm still calling my 91 year old mom Judy to get her take on it.

[Pete Holmes]

All Wiser than me from Lemonade Media.

[Trevor Wallace]

Premieres November 12th. Wherever you get your podcasts.

[Pete Holmes]

Get in here.

[Trevor Wallace]

But you live in Ojai now.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I do live in Ohio, yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, fun commute this morning, bro.

[Pete Holmes]

We were. Thanks for asking. I know it's just kind of like small talk, but I appreciate that you considered that. Did I roll in this morning? Yeah, we've been here because I did Brea. I stayed.

[Trevor Wallace]

Nice family.

[Pete Holmes]

We got a hotel in Pasadena.

[Trevor Wallace]

Pasadena is sneaky.

[Pete Holmes]

Nice sneaky night. See, you're 33.

[Trevor Wallace]

32. Turning 33 in like a week.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I'm excited. I saw you're about to be. That's right.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yes. Capricorn. That's the type of guy who works through the holidays. Capricorn.

[Pete Holmes]

Guys, we'll get to Capricorn because I'm not a Capricorn, but I love working because it's the 20. It's this. It's like a hostage video. It's December 22nd and we're working.

[Trevor Wallace]

We're working. We're doing it, you know, today. But I saw somebody putting up Christmas lights on the way here. So we're. Everybody's working.

[Pete Holmes]

Somebody with a 72 hours on their trees, like yesterday.

[Trevor Wallace]

Tree is very makeshift. Like last second, like, okay, I get it.

[Pete Holmes]

But Christmas lights, Who wants that bad of a deal?

[Trevor Wallace]

And how bad is that tree? That's still left over there.

[Pete Holmes]

Crispy. Yeah, it's a brown.

[Trevor Wallace]

You can see the core of it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. Should your tree be able to hurt you?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So pokey.

[Trevor Wallace]

I was tree is understandable because you got to have something to put the presents under. But the.

[Pete Holmes]

You get that tree the day after Thanksgiving.

[Trevor Wallace]

That's what I'm thinking. But putting up the Christmas lights on the way here a couple blocks down. Putting up Christmas lights, that's a tough one because you have them up for 72 hours and then what?

[Pete Holmes]

Leave them up to New Year's? You better.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. And they give you something to do.

[Pete Holmes]

They were doing them themselves.

[Trevor Wallace]

They had hired somebody.

[Pete Holmes]

We hire people to do it. Yeah. They put. Look, with full respect, Katie, are you in disbelief or is it my audio?

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, really?

[Pete Holmes]

People will like that. Good people are here for the T wall.

[Trevor Wallace]

They love that when they have to listen in for you and then turn down for me. That's a fun. And then when the ads kick in, bro.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no. By the way, we watched your White Claw video. We're all over the Place. I thought it was so funny.

[Trevor Wallace]

Thank you, Pete.

[Pete Holmes]

And I. I wanted to. I know that's an old one, so forgive. Forgive me. No, no, no, Please. I wanted to revisit some of the hits. Please, please do. The White Claw one was so funny.

[Trevor Wallace]

Thank you, man.

[Pete Holmes]

Two things about it. I do want to talk about hiring someone to put Lights up. Can I finish that R. Please, please, please.

[Trevor Wallace]

This is your podcast, Pete.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I know, I know, but I'm in the.

[Trevor Wallace]

I'm in the. I'm in the cockpit here.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm listening. No, are you in?

[Trevor Wallace]

I'm in. You're in. Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

All I want to say is, first of all, fuck me for hiring someone to put up lights. But in California, it's like a thing. It's like people. People are doing it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Walk me through it.

[Pete Holmes]

I feel like maybe. I don't know.

[Trevor Wallace]

I think it's a money thing, Pete.

[Pete Holmes]

Bro. Then let's call it what it is. It's a coastal elite thing. It's not a California thing. It's like a money fancy boy. You have a couple hundo to spare.

[Trevor Wallace]

Is that how much it is?

[Pete Holmes]

No, it's way more than that.

[Trevor Wallace]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

So horrible. I hate that.

[Trevor Wallace]

Can you say I hate? I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

That's even worse. Woody.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, Trev, you got to get the accountant on the phone. Let me make a call. And. And do they provide you your lights, or do you buy lights and be.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, they do everything okay, but for the cost? You ever see a house covered so covered in lights that you're like, maybe they got, like, bad news? Like, maybe this is their last.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, no, it's terminal. Is that good? This is term. You want to make it look like a hospital lighting in there. Terminal.

[Pete Holmes]

Doing sur. Are elves doing surgery?

[Trevor Wallace]

Nobody's sleeping in house.

[Pete Holmes]

Santa.

[Trevor Wallace]

Is this a family of moths?

[Pete Holmes]

He can.

[Trevor Wallace]

It is too bright in there.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't wear a sweater near that house. Manscreen. Santa is going to avoid you because he's like, they're festive enough.

[Trevor Wallace]

That's how Santa's like, I'm not going to hit the house. I see it. I see how towers have the red light at the top, bro.

[Pete Holmes]

Or airplanes have the little blinky.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I love that we can fly, but we're still like, how do we stop things from hitting it? Just put a little blinky.

[Trevor Wallace]

Little blinky.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like in court where they still have people pointing. Can you point at the guy? You saw that? Oh, oh, oh. Pointing is still.

[Trevor Wallace]

He's got the face tattoo and he's in handcuffs.

[Pete Holmes]

But can you point to him? And they do, and it counts.

[Trevor Wallace]

Well, it's also funny because it's like.

[Pete Holmes]

Goes on the record.

[Trevor Wallace]

If I'm pointing here, my perception, wherever your eyeline is, it's a different point.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the best lawyer in the world.

[Trevor Wallace]

They point and then they go.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, but if you stand over here.

[Trevor Wallace]

Hold on. Bailiff, Bailiff. Judge, could you stand over here?

[Pete Holmes]

You need some Peter Jackson. Peter Jackson. Hobbit framing. He's now pointing at my. Not my client.

[Trevor Wallace]

He pointed at the judge.

[Pete Holmes]

Where was the judge?

[Trevor Wallace]

Life's all about perspective.

[Pete Holmes]

It's perspective. And that's my point.

[Trevor Wallace]

The point is Christmas lights are too expensive. Oh, and. And how do you find it? Just Google. Just a quick like.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, they put up the signs. Couple things. They put up signs all around the neighborhood and it's not that expensive, but I still feel I. I'm just going to own that. I'm a little bit of a white claw for them to.

[Trevor Wallace]

Hey, come on now. Hey, come on now.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm a little bit AirPods.

[Trevor Wallace]

There you go. There we go.

[Pete Holmes]

There we go.

[Trevor Wallace]

There we go. There we go.

[Pete Holmes]

I loved hey, Siri, open Yelp. That made me laugh.

[Trevor Wallace]

Those are fun to make fun of.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't even know.

[Trevor Wallace]

That's like my favorite type of observational comment. It's just, well, just making fun of the people who, like, own things that give them a sense of entitlement over society.

[Pete Holmes]

Bro AI is the newest one because have you noticed that people act. I'm guilty of this. When I can do something new and amazing and they tell you about it. They act like they did it. Like they somehow give me an example. They're like, oh, have you checked out Sunnu?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You just type in anything. It'll do the song. It'll do the song. They're just telling you about it, but they're like. They're swag.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, they're acting like they're like, technically, like, more advanced. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Look at this.

[Pete Holmes]

Look at you didn't do shit.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You bought it at an airport.

[Trevor Wallace]

You typed in a prompt.

[Pete Holmes]

You went on Amazon. Bravo.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's the same thing as wearing a jersey of the Patriots. And you're like, I'm a patriot.

[Trevor Wallace]

The we. When they say, well, we got a big game this week.

[Pete Holmes]

We got it. We.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I got.

[Trevor Wallace]

You live in San Diego.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Trevor Wallace]

You're not even. You're across the country. We don't care for this I. I've always. I've been realizing this. A lot of people, a lot of my friends think I'm dumb because every time I say something, they'll like, fact check it on chat. Gbt.

[Pete Holmes]

I like this.

[Trevor Wallace]

They'll be like, yeah, well, let me just check real quick. Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Full respect to the GPT.

[Trevor Wallace]

I'm a big fan.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you? I thought.

[Trevor Wallace]

Opinions. I'm easing into it.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Trevor Wallace]

I, like, forget that I have it.

[Pete Holmes]

I find that people some, well, really like teenagers. You mentioned that you use GPT. They're mad at you because of the global.

[Trevor Wallace]

Global.

[Pete Holmes]

Like the water and the. And the data centers.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, oh, oh, yes. Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

There are these costs that you might not be aware of.

[Trevor Wallace]

Correct.

[Pete Holmes]

So you have to. I've. No, I've learned that you have to be, I don't know, aware. You have to be aware of that. I was gonna be aware. You have to be, like, apologetic.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Mention using it. But I did use it. Yesterday, my daughter and my wife and I went to Huntington Gardens. You ever go there?

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, what is that? Is that in Pasadena?

[Pete Holmes]

Once you hit 33, you're gonna go to Huntington Gardens for your dates.

[Trevor Wallace]

It sounds good.

[Pete Holmes]

You're gonna stroll and.

[Trevor Wallace]

And what is this rose garden?

[Pete Holmes]

It's a. There's a rose garden.

[Trevor Wallace]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

And there's like a Japanese garden. There's a. I love Huntington. You're gonna be a member.

[Trevor Wallace]

Any food trucks? There's.

[Pete Holmes]

There's food all along the way.

[Trevor Wallace]

Beautiful.

[Pete Holmes]

No food trucks.

[Trevor Wallace]

I'm in.

[Pete Holmes]

But there's food all the way.

[Trevor Wallace]

I'm in.

[Pete Holmes]

And we went. And there's a. There's a rainforest area. And there were these trees that look like cucumbers. I know. And it's literally. It's being misted. It's very hot in there. It's like the jungle. And my daughter sees the cucumber tree. We go, look at that tree. It looks like a cucumber. And she's really funny. I know every parent kind of thinks their kid is funny, but she's legit hilarious. And she bites it. And then the rest of the day is complaining, of course, that her lips are burning.

[Trevor Wallace]

Ooh.

[Pete Holmes]

And that she. Of course we tried to stop her.

[Trevor Wallace]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't bite. Right. A jungle tree.

[Trevor Wallace]

Like, you know, they had to do that. At some point in history, as somebody. At some point history was like, what is this boysenberry looking thing?

[Pete Holmes]

You know, when they're like, you know what gets skunk out? Tomato sauce. Like, people are trying everything.

[Trevor Wallace]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Biting cucumber.

[Trevor Wallace]

She's an innovator.

[Pete Holmes]

And it. She's Mark Twain. Yes. Everything about that tree says, bite me, bro.

[Trevor Wallace]

You know, I'd have to see this tree to. To get on board.

[Pete Holmes]

I want you to picture a cucumber.

[Trevor Wallace]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Now it's huge and shooting up out of the ground. That's it. That's the tree.

[Trevor Wallace]

A tree or plant?

[Pete Holmes]

It's a tree. I like this, though, because I said it with full confidence. But it might be a plant, but.

[Trevor Wallace]

Tree would hang down.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a trunk. I didn't get a good look at it. Okay, but we take out. My daughter likes. She goes call. What does she call it?

[Trevor Wallace]

911 chat.

[Pete Holmes]

911.

[Trevor Wallace]

Call 911, please.

[Pete Holmes]

Loves when I call 9.

[Trevor Wallace]

I'm also surprised that 911 has. I mean, I haven't called 911 and it's a throwback. I don't know if I ever have yet.

[Pete Holmes]

911 hasn't updated. Is that what you're gonna say?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, but I feel like, you know, you call anywhere and they're like, press one. Or it's like an automated system. I feel like it's still like a human. Which. God bless.

[Pete Holmes]

God bless.

[Trevor Wallace]

I actually have no idea. I haven't called. Should we call on the pod?

[Pete Holmes]

We could give it a.

[Trevor Wallace]

Hey, we're on.

[Pete Holmes]

When I was a kid, you. You are a YouTube person.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

When I was a kid, we. Oh, God, what am I, Andy Rooney? I'm just saying. I'm trying to relate to you. We did that too. We just filmed it on a camcorder and nobody saw it. And we shot one where we did an ad for 911. And I picked up the phone and being like a funny boy, I dialed 911 and went, 91 1. It's always free, right?

[Trevor Wallace]

And.

[Pete Holmes]

And then we hung up. They thought I said, I can't breathe. And everybody came.

[Trevor Wallace]

Everybody.

[Pete Holmes]

The whole thing came.

[Trevor Wallace]

And they charge you for that?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I don't think they charged us. They should. And I'll tell you another grab ass thing I did. When the cop came in, he was mad. He kind of knew immediately, like, start filming. I. Nowadays, I feel like we would have been filming.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, yeah. We're rolling or rolling.

[Pete Holmes]

Get it, get it, get it. I spread my legs and put my hands on the wall, like, to be frisked.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

I was like, did he? No. He gave me the ultimate look of like, you fucking, like, hard C word. Like he was mad at me.

[Trevor Wallace]

And where in the country was this?

[Pete Holmes]

This was Lexington, Massachusetts. This Is a hoity toity suburb of Boston.

[Trevor Wallace]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Where this police chief is probably sick of these. I was being very. That's a shitty. Very privileged. You know what I mean? It's a shitty thing to do.

[Trevor Wallace]

Like, Right.

[Pete Holmes]

I was being. But how old are you? From a brat, like, 32. Classic. Classic. It's probably 11. 11 years old.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. I was just talking about this with my mom. I remember my cousin, we were bullying her at a Thanksgiving. She called 911. Yeah. And then they called back, because if she was a child. And when she called, then they answered as one does, and then she hung up. And then if you hang up on 911, they just show up. Or they call again and be like, hey, did you mean to do this? That was fun Thanksgiving.

[Pete Holmes]

You got to come. Were you. What did you do? Were you in trouble? Did they charge you? That's where you got that?

[Trevor Wallace]

No, I. They know I did get one. Because you know how all these, like, ring cameras and all these. All these, like, every. Every house is like, some alarm system now.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

Which adds more. I don't know, like, more annoyance than it doesn't. Where it's like. Yeah. If, like, somebody was. I was on the road and somebody was, like, watching my cat or something, and I forgot to turn the alarm off, but my phone was on, like, silent mode, and so my alarm's going off.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah. The.

[Trevor Wallace]

The person. What? The cat sitter. Which is, you know, they know what the hell's going on. Yes. The cat's nowhere to be seen. The alarm's beeping. Cops show up. I'm talking to cops on a ring camera now. Communicating with them. Like, like, no, you talk. No, I talk. We're both kind of exchanging sentences.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

And then I'm like, so sorry about that, guys. I got in. No. Somebody was watching my house, and they're like, yeah, it's okay. And then the next week, I get hit with an invoice for, like, 250.

[Pete Holmes]

Because your alarm goes off, you get. That's different.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. Because they showed up.

[Pete Holmes]

If we had a system in this house, and it gets the Santa Ana winds, the holiday. If the Santa Ana winds are hitting, the windows would rattle so hard, it would set the alarm off. And I was like, we haven't figured it out.

[Trevor Wallace]

No, not. Not quite.

[Pete Holmes]

Young entrepreneur type. See you investing in a company that figures it out. I could see on Shark, you know, I was.

[Trevor Wallace]

I was going to make a hard pivot from comedy and get into innovating stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, inventing. You'll not Just invent, invest. You'll invent.

[Trevor Wallace]

Well, you see some of the stuff out there that's making millions, like Scrub Daddy.

[Pete Holmes]

Have you seen these? It's the number one on Shark Tank. I mean, if you told me you were gonna pitch Scrub Daddy on Shark Tank, I would laugh. No, I wouldn't. I'd say, go for it, man.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then I would think you were like, something was wrong.

[Trevor Wallace]

You know, when a comedian runs for president.

[Pete Holmes]

Mentally, when a comedian runs for.

[Trevor Wallace]

There's been a few communities I've, like, run for presidency and, like, how they. Yeah. And then heights. Ben Gleb, he ran for president. You know this. But, like, when a comedian runs for president, you're like, oh, right, he ran for president. Is this news to you? You didn't vote. There's.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you didn't vote.

[Trevor Wallace]

There's Republican and then there's North Hollywood. Oh, my God. Democratic, Republican.

[Pete Holmes]

I forgot that Ben Glebe ran for president.

[Trevor Wallace]

Full blown presidency.

[Pete Holmes]

But that is just.

[Trevor Wallace]

I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's just waste resources. No, no shade on Gleb.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, no shade.

[Pete Holmes]

No Gleb shade here.

[Trevor Wallace]

But it's.

[Pete Holmes]

But even when, like, the writer. It's like, remember on succession, when Conor Roy is running for president.

[Trevor Wallace]

I haven't seen the show, but I'm gonna agree to keep the conversation going. Dude, I love that scene. No, not a big TV guy.

[Pete Holmes]

Really? You just keep a tube.

[Trevor Wallace]

A lot of. A lot of two.

[Pete Holmes]

Can you go on YouTube and not be, like, jealous of your peers?

[Trevor Wallace]

Well, I think I watch shows that are outside of my wheelhouse.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm, like, showing you the.

[Trevor Wallace]

But sometimes. Yeah, sometimes I'll see stuff and I'll be like, oh, damn. Like, but. And then I'll be, yeah, but they're not touring. If I was here, I would be able to make those mini videos as much.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Trevor Wallace]

I forget my point to this.

[Pete Holmes]

You were Glee president, but, like, comedian runs for president.

[Trevor Wallace]

When he's like, yeah, I'm running for president. You're like, all right, man. That's the same thought of, like, the Scrub Daddy thing. We're like, hey, I'm going to make sponges that are emojis. Yeah. I don't want to just throw a random.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. But I want to let it go.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I love that you.

[Trevor Wallace]

It's the holiday to the daddy. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Scrub Daddy. It also sounds like a gay club that's filled with bubbles. You going to Scrub Daddy? Hell, yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

It's also what you have to do the next morning after going to that Club Daddy. You got a Scrub Daddy? Because.

[Pete Holmes]

Because what happens here is dirty and it's in the.

[Trevor Wallace]

And then, like, the. The led. The dj. Is this that Scrub Daddy face warping?

[Pete Holmes]

Of course it is. And there's enough bubbles in there that you're not sure who's doing what to you, but you love it.

[Trevor Wallace]

You feel.

[Pete Holmes]

That's it.

[Trevor Wallace]

You feel dirty and clean at the same time.

[Pete Holmes]

You'll never be cleaner while getting dirty. Scrub Daddy. Did we just.

[Trevor Wallace]

I think we should pitch to them.

[Pete Holmes]

We go on Shark. Dang. What's up, Sharks? Are any of you gay and horny? And they're Mark Cuban, and he's wearing, like, a bdsm.

[Trevor Wallace]

I can see it. All those guys on there are bald.

[Pete Holmes]

You.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, good.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what Mark Cuban always says. Good for you.

[Trevor Wallace]

Good for you, kid.

[Pete Holmes]

For you.

[Trevor Wallace]

But I think I want to be an innovator because I feel like, you know, you take 50 misses, but then that one thing that hits and all of a sudden, Trillionaire.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's how I sort of feel about. Well, look, I am going to say this. YouTube can have a similar Scrub Daddy vibe.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Pete Holmes]

Scrub dad. I've seen things on Shark Tank where they laugh them out of there.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's almost like, better for PR if they get real. Right, right, right. Yes, that's true.

[Trevor Wallace]

I was rejected by Shark Tank. Roll the clip. They're, like, being cut to your sales.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, exactly. It's true. It's just a very. And sometimes you ever see them, call them out like you're just looking for a free commercial. Like you.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, no.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. They've been doing it long enough that now they'll just be like, you didn't even want a deal. Like, that's a ridiculous evaluation. You just wanted a free commercial. Get the fuck out of here.

[Trevor Wallace]

Interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

Scrub Daddy wanted a deal. He's like, I'm selling garbage. I'm selling landfill that I carved by hand. It's not like a good story. It's not like putting DVDs in an envelope in his kitchen. It's just a guy being like, hey, howdy, look what I did to the sponge.

[Trevor Wallace]

What if your sponge had a face?

[Pete Holmes]

God damn it, Rick.

[Trevor Wallace]

For a reason, I do feel like most shows like American Idol. American Idol. I just combined that with America's Got Talent.

[Pete Holmes]

American Idol, which is also a new show.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yes. It's more like. It's like a European one.

[Pete Holmes]

You look up facts about American.

[Trevor Wallace]

American article.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, American article.

[Trevor Wallace]

American. But a lot of those shows you have to have, like, A backstory where you're like, I was adopted. Or, you know, my. My parents passed when I was three. You need Shark Tank doesn't give a shit.

[Pete Holmes]

They don't care.

[Trevor Wallace]

You're like, how many parents you have? Doesn't matter. Yeah. What were your sales last year?

[Pete Holmes]

That's it.

[Trevor Wallace]

What do we net?

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Trevor Wallace]

And what's it cost to make the. The piece?

[Pete Holmes]

Forgive and forget, Everybody. If I've made this point before, but God help you if you're not a beautiful person. Like a classic. I think all. I'm not just saying this in general.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I think heavier, thicker bodies are beautiful, but if you are that way. The Sharks are super biased if you're pitching a food item. I swear to God. Really? If a skinny lady pitches whale blubber ice cream.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, they'll be looking.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God. This is what's up.

[Trevor Wallace]

That is a salt and straw flavor.

[Pete Holmes]

By the way, bro.

[Trevor Wallace]

Salt and straw is the only blubber in balsamic.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, well, bubble lemon peel.

[Trevor Wallace]

Somebody's got to tell them, no, they don't have it. They have too many yes men in their lives. In the salt and straw kitchen, I'm.

[Pete Holmes]

Going to agree with you. What Jabba the Hut nightmare is the taster. I don't even mean a heavy person. I mean, like, an alien is like, bring me pigeon eyes and lavender and it works. What's your favorite salty straw, by the way, for those that don't pay for lights to be installed. Salt and straw. That's some money. Shit. It is a fancy ice cream place. I don't know if they have it other places.

[Trevor Wallace]

Starts the same way. Like a T shirt does. Like Forever 21. Or like an H and M. Like, it starts off normal, then you flip it around like, what the hell is this? I agree. Like, it'll be like strawberry. Like, I like strawberry ice cream. Yeah. And then it'll be bath soap. Pine tree.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah. Mother's needles. Mother's memory.

[Trevor Wallace]

And mother's milk is another one. Mother's milk. Mother's milk and lucky charms.

[Pete Holmes]

I was a heavy kid. My mom had cream. She lactated cream. Nice. It was awesome.

[Trevor Wallace]

Put on top of a matcha.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you go over to Maru. What's breastfed?

[Trevor Wallace]

Was that over here?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, there's a Maru over here. You got to get a cream.

[Trevor Wallace]

My girlfriend is new to town. She keeps. Hey. Now she's new to town. Brag. And she is in town and new.

[Pete Holmes]

Nice.

[Trevor Wallace]

There we go. And she doesn't understand the distance of Los Angeles. And she Keeps looking up like a macho. Like, tick tock. We should. That place you just mentioned, we should go here.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm like, walk. I would do that when I first moved down.

[Trevor Wallace]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

Like, it's only 1.6 miles.

[Trevor Wallace]

I'll walk.

[Pete Holmes]

And you're. It's the desert, guys.

[Trevor Wallace]

The most I've ever walked is one time I walked from the Laugh Factory to the Comedy Store and I was exhilarated. I like, was telling every comic I should. I was like, this town is so walkable. And there's some of the.

[Pete Holmes]

But at night.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

You have to do it like Batman.

[Trevor Wallace]

Well, you have to. Yeah. It is nice.

[Pete Holmes]

Rooftops, water coolers.

[Trevor Wallace]

Parkour.

[Pete Holmes]

Parkour.

[Trevor Wallace]

It did feel nice with a little bit of the energy. Still buzzing. No. When you walk. Yes. I love that about New York.

[Pete Holmes]

Before I do stand up, there's a couple non negotiables. They're both pretentious. One is exercise and one is breath work. Both. I just want to be euphoric.

[Trevor Wallace]

I feel that I'm the same way you are. I'm the same way you do.

[Pete Holmes]

Breathy.

[Trevor Wallace]

I'm not breathwork. But I. But I really like to try and do some physical activity or workout or If I don't have time, this is. This is when I'm getting near the pay for Christmas lights.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. I will dunk my sort of vest that like compresses you.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, in the green room, I have wires and my assistant works out for me. Just dunking my face in a bowl of ice.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no. Cold. I'm with it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. But like something about that just kind of like if there's any brain fog, just kind of like I can get me out of that.

[Pete Holmes]

Agree. And I feel like an insane person. I'm throwing ice in a. Andrew Huberman, get in here. He knows. I'm sure there's something.

[Trevor Wallace]

Throwing ice in an aloft bowl and you're like, I guess this helps.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a reason why Alec Baldwin's doing it in the Departed. Do you know that one?

[Trevor Wallace]

I don't know that.

[Pete Holmes]

Well. Well, I know the movie Mr.

[Trevor Wallace]

Beast.

[Pete Holmes]

Make a cake that can feed 30 dogs.

[Trevor Wallace]

Is it cake?

[Pete Holmes]

Is it cake? Is something you watch. Is it. Was it cake? This so hungry she watches. Was it cake? Because she just ate it.

[Trevor Wallace]

I mean, can I do standing ovation? I mean, is that. Is that where the crowd gets up and everyone gets up and they get clothes? This is what we paid for.

[Pete Holmes]

This bitch was so hungry, she watches. Was it cake?

[Trevor Wallace]

Honestly, Great joke. I want to do like I think it'd be really funny to do, like, a night at, like, the lab at, like, the improv, where it's just like. It's called, like, road dogs. And you just do, like, the best, like, road dog material. Like, Tulsa, Oklahoma. Like, funny, but Looney Bone. Looney Bone. Loony bin.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

And it's. It's just. But, you know, it's the classics. Like, it's me and my wife's anniversary. Don't clap too loud. She's still in the car.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, yes. Like in. Well, this is. I was gonna say in Contra.

[Trevor Wallace]

City or movie.

[Pete Holmes]

Video game.

[Trevor Wallace]

Damn. Over three Trev.

[Pete Holmes]

No, you're doing great.

[Trevor Wallace]

Am I?

[Pete Holmes]

I'm 13 years older than you, so.

[Trevor Wallace]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

My age difference. NES. You're growing up. You probably grew up. Super Nintendo. You piece. Xbox.

[Trevor Wallace]

I was. I was on the tail end of Super Nintendo.

[Pete Holmes]

We got to you back, and I'm a skeleton.

[Trevor Wallace]

Right. I am a frail old man.

[Pete Holmes]

Xbox, you say?

[Trevor Wallace]

I was. I didn't have video games in my house growing up, though. That was my. So maybe. I think my friends were Nintendo. A lot of, like, Super Mario Party and.

[Pete Holmes]

But they had 64.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yes, at least. And 64. Of course.

[Pete Holmes]

And then.

[Trevor Wallace]

But I was a Game Boy color guy that. Not Game Boy og. But I got in when there was a color. Yeah, yeah, yeah. At a lime green Game Boy. Play a little bit of Pokemon on there. A little Tony Hawk on there.

[Pete Holmes]

Sure, sure. You bring the ticks, I bring the talks. Great line.

[Trevor Wallace]

Thank you, man.

[Pete Holmes]

This is great. This is. All I want is I want to talk to someone else who has adhd. That's all I want. It's good. No, I mean it. I'm loving this.

[Trevor Wallace]

Because I'm, like, off the rails. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

In your special, someone laughs in a unique way. Like a pro. You pause. And very similar to what I would do, by the way. I'm not saying you got it for me. I'm saying it's exactly how I would play it. Like, I like your laugh. I'm not making fun of it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And then she goes, nightmare. It's not a laugh. It's my tick.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you go. I'm like, why is this on the special? Because I'm, like, nervous.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you go, what did you. What's the first thing you said?

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, I said, oh, no. I don't want to make fun of your laughs. I have Tourette's. And I was like, oh, okay. I'm so sorry. Can we get her out? Just a quick. Get her out. I love A quick get her out.

[Pete Holmes]

Big one. It also buys you a little time.

[Trevor Wallace]

Buys a little time.

[Pete Holmes]

What am I gonna say?

[Trevor Wallace]

And then I say, this is my Carlin esque moment here. No, just you bring the ticks, I got the talks. And then I do a quick little TikTok dance as a fun little thing. But yeah, I mean, I remember hearing that. It was the second show we taped. And I remember right off the bat I hear this laugh. Like really high pitched, kind of like Minnie Mouse.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, then you said that too.

[Trevor Wallace]

And I was like, kind of like, no, I can like hear this a lot. Yeah. And it's very like tunnel vision. Not vision, tunnel hearing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I know. Hyper focused on.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, it's like that's all I'm thinking about, each joke. And then there was also.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no. I almost said if I. We. There were people in the Chicago scene that had such unique laughs. I'm not talking about disabilities. Talking about unique. Unique laughs in LA too. And it's almost like if someone's recording an album. I remember we used to be like, what if there was this guy named Pablo? We used to laugh like this.

[Trevor Wallace]

I know if you guys like that too.

[Pete Holmes]

We loved Pablo at live shows. Legend in the comedy scene in Chicago.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Pablo's not here. We would say nervously because he helped the show. But then you record an album, you're like, I hope Pablo's not here, because.

[Trevor Wallace]

It all takes away here. Well, there's certain laughs in that. If I post a clip or something, it's like the comments are more so geared towards that laugh. Like buddy in row 13 was really giving it all.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why is that? That's why I just sold this to my wife. I said, I don't like spit ticks. Cuz it makes it about you. Like I'm. I'm making you laugh and then you sneeze milk. And now I'm like, oh, I'm sorry, we doing prop comedy now. Oh, you have a.

[Trevor Wallace]

You have a guitar. My shoes are wet. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

All you.

[Trevor Wallace]

I'm in the splash zone now. Why do I have to wear a poncho at my own show? You think about it.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm in the splash zone.

[Trevor Wallace]

Why am I getting wet in my own show?

[Pete Holmes]

You're in my splash zone. Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

Why am I in the shamu of your show? That Gallagher. Holy shit. Have you ever met Gallagher?

[Pete Holmes]

Never met Gallagher. Never will. Dead.

[Trevor Wallace]

Is he really?

[Pete Holmes]

That watermelon's bust, bro.

[Trevor Wallace]

Gallagher's dead.

[Pete Holmes]

Gallagher's dead. Ben for president. We're both. We're learning so much.

[Trevor Wallace]

This is the worst news of my life.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know if I should have said that. That watermelon's bust.

[Trevor Wallace]

But, you know, Gallagher, God, that's devastating, man.

[Pete Holmes]

Were you a fan?

[Trevor Wallace]

No, but, like, you know. I know. Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

But, you know, I like some of it. Speaking of Carlin, he had some good wordplay. Like, people think of him as just the fruit guy. He had some good, good, strong Gallagher.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, he did.

[Trevor Wallace]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

It sounds weird that I'm saying this.

[Trevor Wallace]

I just. I wanted to. There's certain phenomenons where you're like, I don't even care so much about this person. I just want to see this person while they're like, yeah, alive.

[Pete Holmes]

The Top Carrot.

[Trevor Wallace]

Mm.

[Pete Holmes]

I've heard he's excited to see Carrot Top.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, I hear he fucks vagina or on stage.

[Pete Holmes]

I've heard nothing but lure that Carrot Top is in Las Vegas top getting tops.

[Trevor Wallace]

And that can be a great episode top if you need it.

[Pete Holmes]

Carrots here to top. Oh, Carrot's not Carrot Bottom.

[Trevor Wallace]

He's at Scrub Daddy.

[Pete Holmes]

He's at Scrub Daddy. And you see, just.

[Trevor Wallace]

Can I tell you, a Carrot Top.

[Pete Holmes]

Orange emerging from the bubbles. You know who's there?

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, boy. That's a grand finale. One day on Instagram, I saw his.

[Pete Holmes]

PE Comedy one time. On what?

[Trevor Wallace]

Instagram. I saw his penis. And I don't think it was intentional because Garrett showed his top was topping, but he was in his garden. He was in his carrot garden, I would imagine, and he was wearing, like, jean shorts. And I think it was an accident.

[Pete Holmes]

And he was poking out.

[Trevor Wallace]

It was poking out.

[Pete Holmes]

I think he's got a hog. That guy's got bh e Big hog energy. Right?

[Trevor Wallace]

You know, he. I was trying to think about it. I say, well, you know, let's think about the climate he's in.

[Pete Holmes]

It's.

[Trevor Wallace]

It's Vegas. It's warmer, so it should be a little long. But, yeah, kind of. It was poking out.

[Pete Holmes]

Dicks are so weird. They're like, it's hard. Let's get. Let's get some distance.

[Trevor Wallace]

Let's relax. They're doing stretch work.

[Pete Holmes]

Stretch it out. They're doing hot yoga.

[Trevor Wallace]

Hot yoga.

[Pete Holmes]

Hot yoga. Everyone knows in hot yoga you can move a little bit easier.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. So I. I think. I don't.

[Pete Holmes]

That happened to Chris Evans, too, remember?

[Trevor Wallace]

Really? No.

[Pete Holmes]

What happened when Chris Evans. There was a live Instagram of them playing, like, Heads up or something, and he went into his camera roll, and he. And I felt bad, and there it was. And there was a dp, which. Which must have been a great one.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because he kept it. Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

What are you keeping it for?

[Pete Holmes]

Playboy kept it. It's in his favorites.

[Trevor Wallace]

This is wallpaper.

[Pete Holmes]

Make it into a sticker. It outlines it perfectly.

[Trevor Wallace]

I've never sent. I sent one dick picnic to my doctor, actually.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the way.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the most.

[Trevor Wallace]

Commander. And I was curious because I was like, do I. How much. How much chub do I get to send to him?

[Pete Holmes]

Fluff it a little. The guy's working hard.

[Trevor Wallace]

And I. So was I. I was very curious to know, like, give him the respect. Okay, here's.

[Pete Holmes]

Give him the respect. You want to show him out of the pool.

[Trevor Wallace]

I want to show that I appreciate his work.

[Pete Holmes]

Excited to talk to you.

[Trevor Wallace]

His line of art. Little.

[Pete Holmes]

And then I get the veins. Veins are what they're looking for.

[Trevor Wallace]

Is it, I think, like a Snickers or something?

[Pete Holmes]

When doctors don't eat Snickers. That's real. Because they're like, what am I at work right now? Hey, what am I looking for? A vein right now?

[Trevor Wallace]

Didn't doctors used to smoke back in the day?

[Pete Holmes]

They loved it.

[Trevor Wallace]

That's awesome.

[Pete Holmes]

Nicotine. All you guys are vaping, right?

[Trevor Wallace]

I don't vape, but I will do the occasional liparoo.

[Pete Holmes]

A little pillow.

[Trevor Wallace]

A little pillow.

[Pete Holmes]

And I don't.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. Zen or something.

[Pete Holmes]

And I don't know where you don't get fully addicted. You just do it every once.

[Trevor Wallace]

I mean, mentally, no. But physically, I think there's some of that there. Maybe a little bit.

[Pete Holmes]

But you don't. You can do it and then not do.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because if I do it. Because I did it for like a year.

[Trevor Wallace]

Vapor.

[Pete Holmes]

The lip gum.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know why people are vaping. I used to. I don't know why people are smoking. I used to get. So. It was. It was. Now that I'm. This is me realizing Ben Glebe ran for president. Me realizing that I was insufferable. Because I would tell people who smoke or vape, I'm like, just get nicotine in your. But why are you bringing. Just do the popcorn lung into this. Why are you doing anything that's weird? Just chew the gum like it's fucking nothing. Wore the pouches, I guess, but, you know.

[Trevor Wallace]

Did you ever do the stickers? The band aids?

[Pete Holmes]

I don't want that.

[Trevor Wallace]

That seems next level to me.

[Pete Holmes]

It is.

[Trevor Wallace]

The gum is, like, borderline. Like, there's something about seeing somebody smoking cigarette or vape. I Go. You don't have a problem. The second I see, like, the gum or the. Or the patches, I'm like, hey, buddy.

[Pete Holmes]

Even the gum is a problem.

[Trevor Wallace]

Well, it is, because somebody goes, oh, you have gum. Can I get a piece? And you're like, you don't want this gum, buddy.

[Pete Holmes]

Unless you meet a pal, a Nicky Pal. It's a real thrill.

[Trevor Wallace]

Nicky Pal is actually the news. Paid regular.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't want this. And they're like, oh, yes, I do.

[Trevor Wallace]

And you chew it and then put it there.

[Pete Holmes]

Or you just chew it, bite it. It's exactly like a pouch. You don't really chew it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

Once it runs out of its juice, you chew it so it's like a pouch that becomes. And did you ever blow pop of nicotine?

[Trevor Wallace]

A blow pop nicotine?

[Pete Holmes]

That's. That's how to market it to kids. Put it in a lolly.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. But do unflavored. That's what all, like, the vapes and zins do. They do unflavored.

[Pete Holmes]

They do unflavored gum.

[Trevor Wallace]

So you're buying. Like, it's like. I don't even know what it is. It's like chill or menthol, but you do a lollipop. No flavor, just sugar with nicotine gum in the middle.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

Shark tank.

[Pete Holmes]

Hello, Blow pop, bro. Pop, bro. Pop.

[Trevor Wallace]

I'm in.

[Pete Holmes]

Hello, Sharks.

[Trevor Wallace]

I would like 12% equity.

[Pete Holmes]

There's guys with white visors and their hair sticking out that don't have a nicotine buzz right now. Y. Yeah, we can do this.

[Trevor Wallace]

Tired of watching your son's Little League games without a little buzz, bro?

[Pete Holmes]

That's what it is. You're getting ripped. You think your dad loves your swing?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He's having his own time.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He's thrilled. Nothing to do with you. That's part of why I don't like it. It's just, like, synthetically, like, boosting. You like it? I'm actually this close to being like, coffee. I said this to someone recently. How la is this? I was like, coffee is not a very authentic beverage. Meaning you give me a coffee. I love coffee. But if you give me a coffee, I'll be, like, phony. It'll help me be fake, Meaning whatever you say. I'm so jacked. I'll be like, what? You don't do crosswalks because you think they're bad luck because they look like piano keys?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You didn't like your piano teacher. That's not me.

[Trevor Wallace]

Like, I feel like.

[Pete Holmes]

Like a shaman would be like, that's stopped everything we do in. In energy drinks, coffee, nicotine. It's because life is asinine, boring, banal. Yeah, It's. It's not tired. It's un. Disengaged. So you're doing all these things to be like, I love Meineke or whatever the.

[Trevor Wallace]

Would that be the same as if somebody was, like, they caught you after a workout or something? Or something. That's fair. You said a hike and somebody was gonna tell you about my day. You go, no, no, no, no, no. Wait for these endorphins to leave. That's right. And then I'll give you the real answer.

[Pete Holmes]

What about when you get off stage?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. I say to people, I'll tip the server. So much money if it's a good set row. Hey, thank you so much.

[Pete Holmes]

If you're the green room server and I'm killing, you'd be like.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like waiting for your dad to be a little. Before you ask for that Ninja turtle.

[Trevor Wallace]

Ooh, wait till he's a little buzzed up. Interesting. So, to your point, you don't want people to talk to you unless you're just nothing.

[Pete Holmes]

I guess this is what we're talking about.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Post workout, post nicotine, post good set, post coffee. That's my favorite me. It's just not a very sustainable me. And that me agrees to things. To things that this me has no.

[Trevor Wallace]

Interest, does not want to do.

[Pete Holmes]

Now you're following up like, I'll meet somebody and be like, this happened to me at Huntington Gardens. I ran into a guy. I was in just such a great mood. We got to talking, and I was like, we should hang out.

[Trevor Wallace]

And you never met this guy before?

[Pete Holmes]

Never met him in my life.

[Trevor Wallace]

Interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

And we did it. And the me that followed through was like, this me. This me sucks.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I can't even make him show up. This guy's having coffee, he's doing everything again. Doesn't quite get there. You know, when something that usually works doesn't work.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. So. And what do you think? Why were you in such a good mood? It just.

[Pete Holmes]

If you give me a couple days off after having done something.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the key. Can I give you old man wisdom? 13 years. We don't want to do nothing. You want to do nothing after you did something that scares you, that's. That. That took me so long to figure it out. So you know this.

[Trevor Wallace]

Correct.

[Pete Holmes]

You filmed your special. I guarantee a day, maybe two days, really get that adrenaline out. And you're just peaceful. No, no, no. Tell me.

[Trevor Wallace]

I immediately was like, okay. Because I spent so much time building up to that special and only doing tour dates and only focusing on it. And then shoot after I go, like, fuck, I haven't put out a YouTube video in a while.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you just jump to the next thing.

[Trevor Wallace]

Well, it's. My brain is very, like, half stand up, half video. So whenever I'm doing too much stand up, I go, oh, I gotta start doing more videos. Whenever I'm doing too many videos, I gotta do more stand up.

[Pete Holmes]

I feel that.

[Trevor Wallace]

So it's kind of like, in that, the last time I really, really felt like peace is when I earned it, is last December. I did, like, a 11 day on tour in a tour bus with me and Michael. You know Blossein?

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Trevor Wallace]

Very funny guy. I do a podcast with him. Oh, stiff socks. Yes. Hey, we did a bus tour of, like, I think 11 days.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell him. I didn't tell him I knew him last time.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. He's one of your. You're an idol to him, so that's great and humbling to know. Yeah. I said, we should get Pete on the podcast one day. He's like, dude, I couldn't talk to him. He's too much inspiration. Yeah. He loves you.

[Pete Holmes]

Really.

[Trevor Wallace]

We both do.

[Pete Holmes]

He should not be offended that I don't know Michael. Go for it, Blossom. That sounds like a math term. We carry the blast sign term. Accounting.

[Trevor Wallace]

Blaustein.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, he's Jewish. So I double. I was double, right?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yes. I just own it. Two rights make a accountant.

[Pete Holmes]

Blaustein.

[Trevor Wallace]

Blaustein.

[Pete Holmes]

Michael Blaustein.

[Trevor Wallace]

He's awesome.

[Pete Holmes]

I believe it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Very funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Can't wait to check him out.

[Trevor Wallace]

New York guy lives here now.

[Pete Holmes]

Love it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Where was I going with this? We did a trap, Daddy. That's what I call Michael. We did 11 days in a tour bus.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

And we got back, like, December. I want to say, like, 17th or something. And then I was like, oh, now I can enjoy the holidays, which is an insane person. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I'm the second. Like, I did two weekends in December, and I told you when we were walking in, I was like, I'm really happy to do this. I'm going to say my thing. You tell me if you relate. And I already trust that you will say you don't if you don't. But I'm like, sometimes at the holidays, it's too much time off. It's a lot of time off.

[Trevor Wallace]

What comes out of nowhere comes out of nowhere. Well, maybe it doesn't, because things Thanksgiving Is like the teaser.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, hey, Thanksgiving is gonna slow down. It's the check engine light.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Thanksgiving is. But you don't know if you have a. It's the road.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you're like, it's the road. Then December 12th hits and you're like, we have a flap. December 25th hits, you're on the side.

[Trevor Wallace]

It's impounded.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's been impounded. And it's not open until January 1st. So I'm about it. My favorite time of year is December 26th to New Year's. I love that nothing.

[Trevor Wallace]

That little gooch gap. Right.

[Pete Holmes]

What is that?

[Trevor Wallace]

I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

What is that?

[Trevor Wallace]

Purgatory. It does feel. Not this whole. Even this week feels weird, but I'm still.

[Pete Holmes]

This week feels weird.

[Trevor Wallace]

I'm doing work today, and I got some stuff after this, but then everyone I'm talking to, I'm like, hey, can you talk? They're like, what are you doing?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, put.

[Trevor Wallace]

Put it down.

[Pete Holmes]

Put it down. Sometimes people text me something about working. I'm like, we're in the in between. We're in the Upside down.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Get out of here.

[Trevor Wallace]

Nobody's doing anything.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't you know?

[Trevor Wallace]

But Walmart.

[Pete Holmes]

Only Walmart for those last minute.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Zen dad. Stepdad gifts.

[Trevor Wallace]

Zen daddy.

[Pete Holmes]

Zen daddy.

[Trevor Wallace]

Zen daddy. I think for me, I grew up very traditionally. I'm gonna say a word that's not the most popular now Jewish.

[Pete Holmes]

I love it.

[Trevor Wallace]

We didn't really celebrate.

[Pete Holmes]

We both considered lots of different things.

[Trevor Wallace]

Right, right, right. I was like, let's move on and maybe cut that part. Growing up, we didn't really celebrate Christmas. So, like this, like. So I never had this build up of, like, I never had the Advent calendar.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

I never was like, it's three more days. You wake up and you're like, oh, we're doing gifts today.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

December 9th. Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. Well, it varies.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. Depending on when.

[Trevor Wallace]

I don't know. Modest Yahoo puts out an album or something.

[Pete Holmes]

When Yahoo Drops, you have nine days to Hanukkah. I've known. This is it. No. Do you know what it is? It's after. If there's a word. How you determine when Hanukkah is? It's like it's after Len Lemon let. Let Lebanon. We should know this. All I know is Hanukkah has a lot of. First of all, it's a. It's a restraint, heavy holiday, one a day meal prep. There's a lot of meal prep. Right.

[Trevor Wallace]

Well, you're meal Prepping gifts. You're like, okay, one for you.

[Pete Holmes]

You meal prep the gift. Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

Because each day you're like, here's a thing and a thing, and it messes with your emotions because you don't really know how all. Let's say there's eight gifts and, and the. The best one is night one. Then it's all that. You don't really know what's. What's good. One year I got a roll tape and it's like, you know, I, I started.

[Pete Holmes]

Got a roll of square, roll of.

[Trevor Wallace]

Tape, roll of scotch tape. My dad wrapped a gift with my gift.

[Pete Holmes]

That's amazing.

[Trevor Wallace]

Tape with the tape. That's amazing. So.

[Pete Holmes]

But like, he's like, no, the wrapping paper is the gift. You could do anything with it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yes, anything. So imagine opening that, like, night one. You're like, this is going to be a brutal eight days.

[Pete Holmes]

I would close strong, but you don't know. I'm the stand up Hanukkah. You want to close with the right, right, right, right.

[Trevor Wallace]

Open strong. Close strong. Riff in the middle.

[Pete Holmes]

Riff in the middle.

[Trevor Wallace]

The problem is you don't.

[Pete Holmes]

On the fourth night, it just says, what do you do for work? God damn it.

[Trevor Wallace]

But it, you know, you don't really know what it is just because you're looking at eight presidents. So you, you don't. It's not like my parents are like, open this one first, open that one second. You just kind of pick.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you pick.

[Trevor Wallace]

You pick.

[Pete Holmes]

I thought it was prefix that the mom and dad decide which gift is for you.

[Trevor Wallace]

No, I mean you pick.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you picking? Oh, because they want a robust under the menorah, I believe is the tradition. Smarter Soto clothes comes down and leaves them under the menorah. Am I right?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

I love that I said sonto instead of like any of the good Yiddish.

[Trevor Wallace]

Sonto sounds a little like he's got a little nice.

[Pete Holmes]

It's shlomo clothes clause. Oh, shalom.

[Trevor Wallace]

Shalom Claus. Shalomta Claus.

[Pete Holmes]

Santa Cohen.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

No, thank you for giving me the.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yes, I like it.

[Pete Holmes]

No, there's something better. Klaus. So German Klaus is Klaus, write in your favorite Jewish Santa Claus.

[Trevor Wallace]

Well, Hall's close to something else you don't want to get into.

[Pete Holmes]

That was a Sarah Silverman joke.

[Trevor Wallace]

Was it really?

[Pete Holmes]

She goes, what for Jews? What was the worst part of the Holocaust? The cost. And then I pitched. What was their favorite part? The holla. She didn't take it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

She liked it, but I don't think it made it. She tried it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Is there anything Worse than pitching a tag. And they go, oh, yeah, there's something there. And you go, you're not going to use that. But I will say, you give a tag and then you see it on stage.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a thrill.

[Trevor Wallace]

It's. It's the best energy you'll ever get.

[Pete Holmes]

I told. This was. I must have caught him on a bad night, because I love Bo Burnham, but one time I was like, I have a tag for you. I didn't say it. And he went, you do it. And he walked away.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, no.

[Pete Holmes]

It was a bit, I think, but it was his.

[Trevor Wallace]

Did you ever discuss it again out.

[Pete Holmes]

Of, like, I don't want your tag. Like, maybe that's how I took it it. I love Bo.

[Trevor Wallace]

No shade on Bo unless he runs for president.

[Pete Holmes]

Bill Burham.

[Trevor Wallace]

Bill Burham. Bill Porum.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm inside. I'm in my guest house. I haven't shaved in my guest. People have riffed enough on how Beau was in his guest house.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, no. I don't know this about him.

[Pete Holmes]

You didn't watch Inside.

[Trevor Wallace]

I. I love this. I'm bad with tv.

[Pete Holmes]

I love this.

[Trevor Wallace]

I really only watch TV when I'm in relationships because they're the ones that's kind of guiding me to be like, we should watch a thing.

[Pete Holmes]

You a girl or a person.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, I mean, that's when I'll watch something. But other than that, I just.

[Pete Holmes]

I get it.

[Trevor Wallace]

I. I don't really. I'll. Instead of watching tv, I'll just be that dumb guy. It's like, let's go workhorse mode. And instead of watching TV that night, I'll be, like, editing or, like, trying to, like, write or.

[Pete Holmes]

Or. Right, I understand, but that's. You see, I was going to say you're coming into 33, and I'm not. I'm really not. But, like, I do think there's some, like, a numerology kind of person. But I do think there's something about. About the Christ year, as they call it. The 33.

[Trevor Wallace]

So, like the Kobe year at 24. Every guy loves to post on Instagram, say, it's my Kobe year, that if they're 24.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I don't think 24. 24. Not.

[Trevor Wallace]

Not a whole lot. Not a lot going on there. Up. Your brain's not even.

[Pete Holmes]

That was just his number, right?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. He used to be eight.

[Pete Holmes]

And what was Kobe doing when he was 24? He was probably in the NBA. God damn it. I'm just saying, most people who can't fly aren't doing when they're 24, 33. Your next year, Big year.

[Trevor Wallace]

You would think how it goes.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not just me. I do believe in you, but it's just how it goes. What's going will go better when you're 33. I feel strongly.

[Trevor Wallace]

Okay, and. And what is. Because the numbers are back to back.

[Pete Holmes]

They call it the Christ year. That's when Jesus. Well, it didn't end well.

[Trevor Wallace]

Don't spoil it.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. But it comes back.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yes, yes.

[Pete Holmes]

By the way, this is. This is. He's a Jew. And.

[Trevor Wallace]

And this is something killing it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I. I understand that there's a good reason to be like, that's not for us.

[Trevor Wallace]

But, you know, he's so famous, he outgrew it. Yeah. Out Jewish.

[Pete Holmes]

Outgrow the Jew.

[Trevor Wallace]

Holy Mark Cuban. We got one for you. Good for you. Imagine on a shark tank, we have Jesus Christ here today. Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

I did that bit. I was like, how badly did Mary want to go back after Jesus? Was Jesus a Jewish mother? To the inn where they didn't let him in. Can he have a room now? I was very happy with it.

[Trevor Wallace]

That's great.

[Pete Holmes]

Can the Prince of Peace have a suite? Because he's pretty big. You have any ailments?

[Trevor Wallace]

Is he on the guest list? Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Is he on the list now? You want to be on his list, don't you?

[Trevor Wallace]

Do you find that talking about religion, people just immediately are so stuck in their own ways of, like, their beliefs that, like, you even touch it, they're like, no.

[Pete Holmes]

So thank you for asking. You're the guest. But I'm going to answer because I think this is interesting. Please. I have a joke, as I. As I like to do in my hour right now, that's about the meaning of life. And I. And I. Yeah, thank you.

[Trevor Wallace]

I have four minutes dedicated to it.

[Pete Holmes]

I got to. But I love it. But, like, I realized that with all jokes, especially doing a long set, the jokes that come before it are as important as the joke. So if there. I have a joke book where I talk about how in the Gospels, there's two accounts. One where Jesus feeds the 5,000. It's a miracle. And one where Jesus feeds the 3,000. I'm kind of glossing over the facts. You can look them up if you want the exact numbers, but the. The point is different crowd sizes. And as I'm doing the joke, they get a little tense and I'm like, nobody could write this joke who didn't love the Bible and grow up with it. So please relax. So like, it establishes, I was raised religious. Relax. Don't worry. And then the joke is funny. It's not making fun of anything. And then later, when I do what I would say, a more biting kind of joke, they know where I'm coming from. In the same way that I do this joke about my daughter, there's a joke that I do that isn't that great, but I do it because it makes the joke after it work. Because when I remove it, they don't know my daughter as well. So I do it to just set the table for the next joke. It's something. I really feel like I've just figured this out after doing standup for over 20 years. I'm like, oh, yeah, the joke's been before. Will change how they see the joke, it seems.

[Trevor Wallace]

So it's all just about, like, walking them through. It's like, it's so clear in your head because it's your life. But these people. These people have no idea what's even going on.

[Pete Holmes]

Right?

[Trevor Wallace]

You're like, you know, this. This is your daughter. These are your beliefs. And there's a random person who's just like, hey, we're going to this. And that's right. Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

They saw your face.

[Trevor Wallace]

They saw your face, and you need to tell them.

[Pete Holmes]

And so to your point, to your question, which I think is a great question, you just need. You can talk about anything, but you need to be clear about. Don't assume they know anything about you. Here he feel.

[Trevor Wallace]

But then you ever try to over explain, and you're like, I cut the words.

[Pete Holmes]

It's. It's a surgery.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Too much anesthesia is also death. Oh, wow.

[Trevor Wallace]

Hello, Bo. You got time for a tag now? That's so funny that you gave him a tag and it didn't.

[Pete Holmes]

I might have just caught him in the wrong moment. Oh, for sure. I give him.

[Trevor Wallace]

But you guys are also pals, so he probably was just messing with you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. A new year doesn't necessarily mean a new you. What's that all about? Maybe just a less burdened you who has the tools you need to deal with whatever life throws at you if you listen to this show. You know, Val and I talk a lot about therapy, and that's because therapy has genuinely helped both of us. It's helped me let go of so much stuff I didn't realize I was carrying, helped me set up boundaries, and most importantly, realize it's not my job to manage everyone else's emotions. Therapy helped me learn how to get out of toxic relationships and patterns, make career choices that actually feel aligned with myself instead of just like, oh, I guess I should say yes to this. And honestly, the lighter, less burdened version of me feels way more like me than any sort of New Year's resolution, New Year, New Me nonsense. So Better Help is about helping you understand what's weighing you down by offering you unbiased perspectives on your relationships, your motivations, your emotions. They work with fully licensed therapists in the US who follow a strict code of conduct, and they do the matching work for you with a quick questionnaire so you can focus on your goals and get into it. And if your first match isn't the right fit, you can switch therapists anytime. With over 30,000 therapists and more than 5 million people being served worldwide, BetterHelp has an average rating of 4.9 out of 5 for live sessions, which is kind of amazing. BetterHelp makes it easy to get matched online with a qualified therapist. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] weirdo that's better. H E L p.com weirdo hello, I'm.

[Trevor Wallace]

James Corden, and on my new show.

[Pete Holmes]

This Life of Mine, I sit down each week with some of the most fascinating people on planet earth. From from Dr. Dre to Julianne Moore to David Beckham to Cynthia Erivo to Martin Scorsese to Jeremy Renner to Denzel Washington to Kim Kardashian. We talk about the people, places, possessions, music, and memories that made them who they are. These are intimate conversations full of stories that you've never heard before. This Life of Mine premieres October 21st. Wherever you get your podcasts, Somebody just was on Joe Rogan. Did you see this? Making fun of. I think they made fun of Ron Funches because they were like, how long do you want to do? And he was like, well, how long.

[Trevor Wallace]

Am I. Oh, I did see this.

[Pete Holmes]

How long am I contracted to do?

[Trevor Wallace]

That's a good Ron.

[Pete Holmes]

And they were like, 45 minutes. And then he went, well, I'll be doing 45 minutes, right? And they were like, what a dick. And I was like, bro, all I hear in that is anxiety. And I don't mean Ron's more or less anxious. But, like, what I'm saying is we need to give people the benefit of the doubt. When you're doing stand up, I don't care if you've been doing it a long time, you're always a little tense. And when someone does that, I don't think they're like, I'm just here to do my job off. I think they're just kind of like, I'll be doing.

[Trevor Wallace]

So it just depends on the. The layout. Like, when I do a context. Yes. When I'm doing a college gig, they're like, you are contractually obligated to an hour. I go, I'm sticking to that hour.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

Cuz but if it's fun, I'll go longer.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

But you know, out of the past experiences, if. Let's say I've done 10 colleges, eight of them are fun, but two are like, holy, I am bombing up here.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, you know what I used to do, and this was another pro tip at colleges, I would. I always used to say, these kids that are booking you, they're with the Student Activities Council or the Campus Activities Board. It's either sack or cab. They booked you. It's in the contract that you have 60 minutes. Don't ask if it's okay if you do 45. Tell them, say, I know the contract says 60 minutes, but I usually do between 45 and an hour, so just be ready for me to get off. Don't ask because they don't know what the fuck is going on.

[Trevor Wallace]

That's also true.

[Pete Holmes]

Somebody in with confidence. It's like walking into a museum and just taking a painting. Like, nobody sees it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You just go, I just. I just want to know. I want the show to be good. I'll get off when it's done.

[Trevor Wallace]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

It's over.

[Trevor Wallace]

Well, also, the attention span of a college kid, it's like, you can do 10 minutes and they be cool. Now what, bro? And even then, they're like, no subtitles. Nothing to play underneath him. No subway surfer to watch.

[Pete Holmes]

Exactly. No cutaways.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, I just break it up. I do like 10 minutes and then I like, talk to the crowd. 10 minutes. Talk to the crowd.

[Pete Holmes]

That's fun.

[Trevor Wallace]

Just because their attention, they're just like. They're not used to not talking, but looking at something for like an hour. And also, I'm trying to think. I'm like, every kind of basis of material that I'm thinking about, it's like, okay, they barely are dating. They're. They don't have jobs.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

All they know is like, scrub daddy, scrub daddy class.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, they actually don't. You're growing. I grew up in a her.

[Trevor Wallace]

Back in my generation, we had to steal the coal mine to get to the goddamn University of Michigan, Oregon.

[Pete Holmes]

And if the canary was dead, we knew to leave the mine.

[Trevor Wallace]

We. We.

[Pete Holmes]

You have a taste of this too. But there used to be way more. We're all watching Star Wars. We're all watching. We're all watching Stranger Things. It just. It just ended.

[Trevor Wallace]

That's just what it was.

[Pete Holmes]

Now I went up on stage, and I was like, you guys watching Pluribus? It could be the whole crowd. It could be five people. Yeah. You don't know what the Is happening. We all have our own micro climates, and that makes it really. That can make it harder to do stand up for sure.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, that's very true.

[Pete Holmes]

You can't even say Scrub Daddy. Like the fact when you said Scrub Daddy, I knew what it was.

[Trevor Wallace]

I was like, but if. If you didn't know, what a weird pitch. Three minutes in. You ever heard of Scrub Daddy?

[Pete Holmes]

I'm like, what do you mean that erases your past, Your gay past. Scrub Daddy, do you have some photos in here?

[Trevor Wallace]

Your gay web browser history?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Have you been Grindr curious and you don't want your girlfriend to find out?

[Trevor Wallace]

Scrub Daddy takes rid of also so funny. If you're a girlfriend, you see Scrub Daddy on your boyfriend's phone, you're like, this is gayer than Grindr because not.

[Pete Holmes]

Only are you gay, but you're ashamed of it. I would just prefer you be like.

[Trevor Wallace]

You have to name it, like, NFL Extra or something, bro. Sports.

[Pete Holmes]

Sports are awesome.

[Trevor Wallace]

That's a big sportsawesome dot com. And we'll get rid of your gay past.

[Pete Holmes]

I love sports. Here, put on this jersey. Nothing hides by curiosity like a jersey. That's the name. Sports. Sports are awesome.

[Trevor Wallace]

You know, I was really against sports for so long, and I always just. I would see my friends every Saturday and Sunday, and I'd be like, dude, get a personality. And then the started inviting me out to their football games a couple years ago. I'm hooked.

[Pete Holmes]

Different.

[Trevor Wallace]

I'm in.

[Pete Holmes]

You're in.

[Trevor Wallace]

I give a shit now. Wow. I'm. Dude, I'm this guy. Like, I'm watching it on my phone. Like, yeah, so this guy went to University of Michigan. But you know the backstory a little bit.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

But I think it's because it came from a place of, like, they came to me a little bit.

[Pete Holmes]

I understand.

[Trevor Wallace]

And now I'm like, I get it, bro.

[Pete Holmes]

I couldn't relate harder. I'm like, fuck all of that. But if the. If the Red Sox were like, do you want to sit in the dugout and just take you back and we'll scruff your hair and go. You could Throw that fast, Petey. Yeah, I just. I'm embarrassed to admit this. Sports. I'm not a good audience person. Like, where am I? And they answered that for you. Your special boy, Trevor. Yeah. And now you can enjoy the game. I was those types of. And I'm not even saying ego in the naughty way, in the bad way, in the, like, a shameful way. I'm just saying there's some personality types. This is why Christmas is hard. I doing this podcast. We're back to that.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I do this. I said to my wife, we just had lunch. I was like, breakfast, whatever. I was like, I.

[Trevor Wallace]

Lunch at this hour, bro. Holy.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't get 4pm I check my prostate. I go to bed. I don't.

[Trevor Wallace]

Check yourself.

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Trevor Wallace]

You check it yourself.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

And clean it off with a scrub, Daddy. All right, I'll stop interrupting.

[Pete Holmes]

It doesn't matter. This whole thing's been an interruption, and it's a delight fight. Have you ever.

[Trevor Wallace]

I guess it's just an interruption on a podcast.

[Pete Holmes]

What's that?

[Trevor Wallace]

I guess it's just an interruption for your thoughts on a podcast, but I'm.

[Pete Holmes]

Also interrupting yours, so it goes well, but.

[Trevor Wallace]

Exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

It's like when two interruptions make a conversation.

[Pete Holmes]

Sword fight. Yeah. Two interruptions. The podcast with Michael Blaustein. Is that right, Stein?

[Trevor Wallace]

Close, though. Close.

[Pete Holmes]

We can't be sure.

[Trevor Wallace]

We can't. I don't even know if that's his real last name.

[Pete Holmes]

Name.

[Trevor Wallace]

I'm sorry I cut you off. You were talking to your wife.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I'm glad I get to do this podcast because I get to be Pete, and the. The trail of that will last me through Christmas. Look, I'm not embarrassed. I'm a guy who not being seen feels really unsafe. And I know that's a little therapist. It feels like death to me if I. So my wife. No, Valerie, knows if I'm at a party. This is always my example, but it's a true one. And I just keep saying twa. It's because I'm feeling invisible. And she's. She'll even tell people. She's like, we just need to give Pete a little attention, and then he'll calm down. And it's true.

[Trevor Wallace]

Just a little.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's what the fucking Rams did for you?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

They said you'll. You'll be the special boy, and then you got to do what special boys have a hard time doing, which is enjoy other people being special and.

[Trevor Wallace]

And.

[Pete Holmes]

And allowing them to carry your mood. I don't like that about sports, I don't like going, like, if you win, I'm happy. If you lose, I'm sad. I'm like, fuck that. How about this? I'll go get a massage, take a hot shower. J it hard. Daddy's driving. Fuck you, New England Patriots.

[Trevor Wallace]

That sounds like a Kill Tony setlist. What you just said right there. I don't even know what you just said. Daddy's hard, but I'm.

[Pete Holmes]

Daddy's jerking it hard.

[Trevor Wallace]

Jerking it. You're.

[Pete Holmes]

Fuck you, New England Patriots. I really want to Fucking Tony looking to set this. You New England Patriots.

[Trevor Wallace]

Which would crush. I, I, I want to make a video about this. I don't know why this reminded me about it, but it's like your dad making you take over the wheel when he's driving with his knees doing like 70, looking at a map in the car and he's putting the entire family livelihood in a child on your left hand just staring.

[Pete Holmes]

Who's filled with Mountain Dew and anxiety. Yeah. And a lot of jizz. I'm guessing you're like 13, 14.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yes, yes, yes. Well, I think it's kind of like a Mountain Dew jizz ratio. Like, the more dew you have, the less, don't you? Do you know what I mean? I think, I think there's. I don't know what's in it. Yellow five. Was that a thing?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, Yellow five.

[Trevor Wallace]

It like, made your.

[Pete Holmes]

Yellow five actually hurts your Jew. Hurts your Jew. Jew.

[Trevor Wallace]

Your juice.

[Pete Holmes]

Juju Jew. The Jew, Mountain Jew.

[Trevor Wallace]

Shabbat shalom.

[Pete Holmes]

Mountain Jew. You know you can't open a mountain Jew on Shabbat, right?

[Trevor Wallace]

Holy shit. Mountain Jew.

[Pete Holmes]

You gotta get a neighbor. A goy neighbor to open your mountain Jew.

[Trevor Wallace]

Exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

Can you open my mountain Jew car? Code red. Hammurabi's code Bible. Code the Bible. Code red. Do you get that, ref?

[Trevor Wallace]

I wish. Matrix.

[Pete Holmes]

Google. People used to be obsessed with Hebrew. No spaces. The number.

[Trevor Wallace]

The new.

[Pete Holmes]

The numerology of the Old Testament.

[Trevor Wallace]

They thought it predicted the future. Yeah, I'm more like an eight crazy nights guy with Sandler. That's like my level of me.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm more a crazy.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, there you go. Eight crazy. So I want to go back to being.

[Pete Holmes]

You're making videos.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yes. What I want the thought of you feeling like you need to be seen. Is that in a sense of like, I need to perform so people know that I'm still this guy? Or a sense of like. What do you mean by being seen?

[Pete Holmes]

I just, I don't feel safe. Like, some people literally wear a Jersey of another man.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Nothing wrong with it. I'm just saying that's the last thing I. I would do. I'm gonna cosplay as a person. Imagine if. Imagine if I was him. Can't stand that. I want to be me.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I want to be seen and understood. Because that feels very safe to me. Even just talking with you, the way that you're listening, that attunement, that's my.

[Trevor Wallace]

This is the coffee version of me, so I love this flat version. I don't give a. But that's the one I've seen that.

[Pete Holmes]

It. Right. I haven't seen it. That's you. I haven't. You said you were going to do a video about.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, I just. I just. My notes app is just filled with them and I feel like the holidays makes me think a lot more about family time stuff. Obviously. Blatant statement. But I. I just. Something about growing up and steering the car.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

With the 170 map wide open is just such a funny visual. Because he's screaming, he's yelling. Mom's on MapQuest duties.

[Pete Holmes]

I feel like that. I feel like you could do that as stand up too.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't think I need to see it. I could see it in a video, but I wouldn't need to see it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You're just saying because you go like, the whole family is. Is resting on this and I'm steering, not jerking off my dad. Great clothes. Closer, close. When you see it. Can we intercut that with you doing it?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, that'd be great. That is always a fun part, is like when I try something that's more visual on stage and it does like, whatever, and you're like, like, great. It's a video now, which is a fun. Like it. Each. Each idea has two lives.

[Pete Holmes]

This is why, you know, I do want. I am an old man and I am a skull and there's cobwebs in my eye sockets and all that. But, like, see those. I don't see that much what we have in common. A lot. But also when I would have a standup thing that didn't work, I'd turn it into a cartoon. I draw it as a cartoon or I do it as a video. Like I had Wolverine got fired. I made that as a cartoon. No, I wrote as a script. But I used to make these little things and put them on YouTube. No, before it was a thing.

[Trevor Wallace]

You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

Like, it was like. It's like throwing it in a tornado. Just a wasteland like, nobody's gonna see.

[Trevor Wallace]

This, but they're still up there.

[Pete Holmes]

Maybe. Probably everybody listening at home. Well, you can see the original version of Street Fighter Vega, which was a cartoon. I voiced both characters. And he's firing Vega. He's saying, you can't be in the tournament because you have a claw. It's insane. We did that later with Thomas Middleditch. He elevated it was so much better. But, like, all I'm saying is what we have in common is. And what I think every creative person in any field should have is if they don't want it, we'll put it over here. It's like a real. Every part of the buffalo. Like, let's not waste it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not like I can't do it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I really. You know, people do drag the Internet and content and all that sort of stuff. But there's also a really bright side to it, which is, I know this is good. I just don't know where to put it. And now there's more places to put.

[Trevor Wallace]

That's what's great about the Internet is like, it'll find its audience versus a joke. It's like, yeah, you have a sample pool of anywhere from however big an audience is. Let's say 10 to a couple thousand, whatever. It's like the. The specific specificity will hit X amount of people. But the Internet can. Like, once it gets on that side of the Internet, the people who. Who watch this show or watch this thing, it. It only boosts and it goes to them. Yeah, that's right. It follows that trail of people.

[Pete Holmes]

We used to try again. Old Man Cobweb. I'll stop saying it. But like would perform in certain parts of Manhattan because there were different types of comedy, of course. And I remember Eugene Mirman said to me, he was like, there's an East Village everywhere. Meaning in Cleveland, there's an East Village. You just have to find them. And now the Internet helps you find. Yeah, exactly. You're fair. It's like in Calvin and Hobbes used to read Chew magazine, which was a gum. Sorry, A magazine for gum enthusiasts. It's so easy to find gum and you can find a hundred thousand gum enthusiasts. Could there be anything easier? Like, you just start posting to gum people. The algorithm will literally feed it to.

[Trevor Wallace]

Find it to them.

[Pete Holmes]

They'll find it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you. What's your. In your process, you have these videos when you were trying to build yourself as a YouTuber. And I'm sorry, if you get this all the time. What is your consideration of the algorithm?

[Trevor Wallace]

It was kind of different back then. Where it wasn't like now it's like so fast fashion. It feels like it's very like H M T shirts. Like, next, next, next, next, next. Yeah. So back then, what does that mean?

[Pete Holmes]

Like, success? I'm not trying to be funny, like, oh, we're saying skippity toilets make a skippity toilet video or what do you mean?

[Trevor Wallace]

I. I think it's just.

[Pete Holmes]

That's you being like, no, but tell me what it is.

[Trevor Wallace]

No, I'm. I'm trying to articulate my own words over here. I'm staring at this magic freaking mushroom dose magic mind. Thanks for you.

[Pete Holmes]

Scrub it up your body.

[Trevor Wallace]

I was thinking I would put out like once a week, I'd put out a video that I'd spent a week on and then put it out. And it was like, just kind of like an observational thing that I found funny for a sketch. And I would put more time into that and then put it out and then that would last me another week and then I put another one. But now it's just kind of like, what's a quick idea? I could get up today and post it.

[Pete Holmes]

More about consistency.

[Trevor Wallace]

It's more about timing, I think it's more about consistency for sure. But also just kind of like the. I don't even know what's like. Like. There was. There was a show that was really big on Netflix a while ago where this mom was like texting the daughter. It was. Do you see this? Unknown numbers or something?

[Pete Holmes]

You see this?

[Trevor Wallace]

There was a mom, cyber mom was cyberbullying her daughter. And then there's this whole documentary. But in the beginning of the documentary.

[Pete Holmes]

She was letting her daughter.

[Trevor Wallace]

Cyber bullying.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, cyber bullying.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You said soft rolling. And I'm like, yeah, I know what that is, bro. So why was she cyberbullying her daughter?

[Trevor Wallace]

It's kind of like a munch housing syndrome type thing. Like, she wanted to, like, protect her. But in the beginning, it. The documentary opens on the mom being. I don't know who could do this. Spoiler alert. Plug your eardrums. It was the mom doing the whole time. So she's like playing this character. I don't know who would text my daughter this. And then it reveals that she was the one texting all this heinous stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Trevor Wallace]

I watched the documentary at like midnight. And then the next morning I text, text my videographer and editor. I go, we gotta make this and put it out immediately.

[Pete Holmes]

Tomorrow. Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. So luckily enough, he was up at midnight. I sent him a text. He's like, can you meet at 10? We shoot it and the quality was fine. It's not like a work of art, but it's the timing of it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

So it's all just like. People are capitalizing so much harder now on trend based stuff than ever, where it's like, it's almost like whenever there's something that happens, everyone has their take on it. It's like you almost got to be first on the table.

[Pete Holmes]

First to. First to market it back.

[Trevor Wallace]

First to market. I was. I always think it's like a wave. Every trend is like a wave. And if you're too early, it. It flops. If you're too late, you don't ride the way. But if you get that perfect. I don't even surf. I don't know why this analogy, but if you kind of get it in perfect time.

[Pete Holmes]

Val and I were just talking about this. You don't want to be the first to an idea. My old example would be Friendster, then MySpace, then Facebook. It's like you kind of want to be the third to the idea you.

[Trevor Wallace]

Want to have there. Want. There needs to be like some substance around it. So there is a bear. Yeah. Fluffer. They're fluffers.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

I mean, that totally makes sense. My old analogy for good videos would be I had this roommate, Jason, who worked at like Deloitte. Just like right down the middle. Just a guy. Guy's guy. And by the time.

[Pete Holmes]

What's that? Fit model. Just like a regular person. That's what I call them fit models. Models is like, they're such a normal.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Frame and everything.

[Trevor Wallace]

It's like, let's make a medium base model Kia. But once a trend got to him, I go, this is about to be big.

[Pete Holmes]

You used him as a weather vane.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

You're like, the winds are blowing.

[Trevor Wallace]

Because it's like if he knows about it, Midwest will know about it in two weeks.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what Chris Rock says. You're not famous until my mom knows who you are. Like kind of a regular guy with his ear to the ground and be like, he knows what the hock to a girl is now.

[Trevor Wallace]

Right, Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Not too early.

[Trevor Wallace]

Exactly. He was like my gauge because he wasn't too, too much online. But he wasn't. Not online. But he works like, you know, 60 hour normal work week. So. So if it got to him, I go, okay, this is kind of like a global. Yes. Or at least a very US Based thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Let me ask you, and I'm not even trying to be funny. I think six, seven is over. Is that when you're looking at trends?

[Trevor Wallace]

I hope so.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, right.

[Trevor Wallace]

I think in the new year it'll kind of die out, but it's still. It's kind of got that linger still, right? Yeah, it's got a little six, seven, I'll give you.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, so you got that guy as you're like, this is about to be.

[Trevor Wallace]

He was with.

[Pete Holmes]

I know what it is. It's about to be over. I really mean that.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not just saying because I'm 46. I'm saying because I don't pay attention at all. So if it gets to me, it's about to die high.

[Trevor Wallace]

So you're the end of my scale.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

So I can text you and say. You text me, do you know about this?

[Pete Holmes]

And you say, if I say no. If I say yes, don't do it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yes. And you say no, we're good.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah. I'm there watching 60 Minutes. You don't need me.

[Trevor Wallace]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

Are you always filled with 60 minutes?

[Trevor Wallace]

You're a family man, so. Are you scrolling? Are you.

[Pete Holmes]

My only Vice is YouTube. And I. I don't mean to say what you do is necessarily a vice. You know, your platform, your main platform. You know what I'm saying?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not saying YouTube is like. I don't look at it as, like, bad. I'm just saying that's my only social media. And I. It's like, for 10 minutes at night, literally, while Val is, like, getting, I don't know, tea.

[Trevor Wallace]

Winding down.

[Pete Holmes]

She's winding down. I'll. I'll have 10 minutes. And I'll usually watch an AI video. Like, I don't mean a video made by AI, something about AI. Oh, I'm very interested in AI.

[Trevor Wallace]

What sparks your mind when you see AI?

[Pete Holmes]

I just think, Look, I'm. First of all, thank you for asking. Second of all, don't let me go on too long. Third, I know I might be a little bit into deep because I'm the guy that says, I can't believe it's not the only thing we're talking about. Like, I think it should be all we're talking about. I think it is the economy. I think it is jobs. I think it is the future when I. I kind of sleep or think, like, we're like, oh, you have a college fund for your daughter. And I'm like. Like, she won't be going to college. Like, it's not happening.

[Trevor Wallace]

She'll be talking to her Tesla with Grok on it.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. But like, her Tesla will be Optimus prime and be like, you are the best, Leela. Or whatever it is. I just feel like we're in a sleepy town and a railroad just got built and everybody's like, we'll still use horses. And I'm like, I think it's over. I don't mean over. I just mean the world will look very, very different very, very soon. Including what you do. They're already starting. I just saw an instant pictogram that they're like, like having AI tools. So like, you don't even need to put on the beautiful dress. You can just say, put the dress on me. Or, or make the background shoot on green screen and make. Make it amazing. Cuz, like, what was. What was it? Sora.

[Trevor Wallace]

Sora. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Sora is all AI. I think Instagram's going the way of like, let's get the influencing people. No using AI because people like you and I, I have no interest in showing you a video. I prompted. But if I'm in it and there's a component that's AI, I could see that, like a hybrid becoming popular. You don't think about it as a video making person.

[Trevor Wallace]

That's not something I kind of do. And I've dabbled with some of these because people will tell me about it and then I try it and I go like, yeah, but I'm so like nitpicky that if it's hard to dial it. Yeah. If it's two or three frames off or like the timing's different, like there's AI editing, like stuff that people use for like clips and stuff, and people swear by it. But I'm just such a stickler with how I like stuff to look that I go like, yeah, but they miss the. The timing's all misses and the joke. So I, I eventually I will. I'll come around for sure. This. It was only. It's only it might happen.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, Jake, who does my social, Jake from State Farm, he's great and he would agree. The first couple years together, I was like, oh, you're cutting this before the tag. Like you got to leave the tag. Or I would be like, like, the point of the joke is the line before you started the video. Like, you need to back it up 15 seconds. And it took him, a human a while to figure that out. And I, I would imagine I would have the same feeling about AI, But I do think what's going to potentially happen is, like, content creators are going to have a hard time keeping up. Like, you just said it, like, first to market is a big deal. It's going to be really hard to compete with something that can just generate.

[Trevor Wallace]

A. Yeah, it just depends on your goals. I mean, if speed is fine with that, then. Because if your goal is just to pump out as many clips as possible, then AI is great. But if you're like, I would rather one clip that I really have hands on, and I'd be like, this is my magnum opus for the day. This is my clip. Yeah, then you can do that. But, I mean, I'll probably be late to it. I was. I was pretty. Every time there's something new, I kind of hope it dies. Like, when there's a new app, I go, I don't want to download this. I don't want to post on Blue sky or Red Mango or whatever the fuck people are doing these days. Yeah, I think Red Mango.

[Pete Holmes]

Is it. Is that real?

[Trevor Wallace]

It's either a porn site or frozen yogurt. Either way, I don't know, but anytime. Good.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I got that soft serve. I come. I come soft.

[Trevor Wallace]

Great.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't come soft.

[Trevor Wallace]

That's a skill, dude. You come soft.

[Pete Holmes]

I. I can't if I'm hard. If I'm hard, you gotta wait. Wait for me to be soft. And then it's kind of like a. Is.

[Trevor Wallace]

You should go to a doctor.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no.

[Trevor Wallace]

Okay. You should go on. AI. Excuse me? AI come soft, question mark. Question mark comes off. I don't think so.

[Pete Holmes]

I've come soft.

[Trevor Wallace]

How does that work?

[Pete Holmes]

Couldn't tell you what.

[Trevor Wallace]

Dream.

[Pete Holmes]

It's similar to that.

[Trevor Wallace]

But were you awake?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

I think it has to do with being. I'm trying to remember what it was.

[Trevor Wallace]

Semen.

[Pete Holmes]

I think it was when you're like, Christian. Repressed, sexual.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

Wanting to look at pornography, not wanting to do it. And then just like clicking on a link and you didn't eat.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, yeah. You say Christian or pride, they go, yep, yep.

[Pete Holmes]

Just like some sort of psychological thing where it's so devilishly naughty to just look.

[Trevor Wallace]

You're like a water balloon that's been on the hose for too long. Anything will make you blow.

[Pete Holmes]

That's exactly right. That's exactly right.

[Trevor Wallace]

Somebody pulls up a calculator next to you in class and they type, 8, 0, 0.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

You're like, boob. That's boob. That's boo. That's it. That's literally boob. In Front of it.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm seeing boob.

[Trevor Wallace]

Okay. So this all makes.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what it was. So I was a young man.

[Trevor Wallace]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

That makes Coming Soft.

[Trevor Wallace]

Coming Soft is a great special title.

[Pete Holmes]

Coming Soft. I. I wanted to do a special. A joke title. Always hard. I thought that was funny.

[Trevor Wallace]

And then address it. Or.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it would be funnier to never.

[Trevor Wallace]

The whole special. You're blurred down there. The editor's like, do I really have.

[Pete Holmes]

To do this naked special?

[Trevor Wallace]

I'm sure they have. I actually think somebody has, but it's, like, not like somebody who would be in the comedy scene.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's be real.

[Trevor Wallace]

It's a porn star. It's on of tv.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And the material can't be that great.

[Trevor Wallace]

I mean, your tits are out if.

[Pete Holmes]

You have to be naked. Yeah. What if it is?

[Trevor Wallace]

Like, I'm working on a callback. I'm like, talk about your rack. How about that?

[Pete Holmes]

Call rack.

[Trevor Wallace]

Call rack.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't do an hour. I do 69 minutes.

[Trevor Wallace]

Good. Unless you're contractually obligated for 70 funches.

[Pete Holmes]

That's very funchy fungi. It's funny in a funches sort of way.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. I don't know. I'm not a big. Anytime I see comics talking about other comics, I'm like, guys, this is not helping sell more tickets. I agree. I'm always just like, whatever someone else is doing. I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

That's actually what I meant about that funches thing I saw. I'm not on Social, but my opener will show me things. And that was one of the things he showed me.

[Trevor Wallace]

Me. And I was just like, the opener is your algorithm.

[Pete Holmes]

He is.

[Trevor Wallace]

He controls your happiness or your sadness. He goes, look at this beheading lion. And you're like, oh, God, it's true. Interesting. Who opens for you?

[Pete Holmes]

Matt McCarthy. He's wonderful.

[Trevor Wallace]

Okay. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

One of the last things he sent me, like the woman who was digging in her basement. I don't know. Some lady dug a tunnel in her basement. Oh, this is what I mean. There's too much Internet. There's so much Internet. This episode is brought to us by our friends at Element lmnt. Healthy hydration isn't just about drinking water. It's about drink water plus electrolytes, which makes sense. You lose both water and sodium when you sweat, so both need to be replaced. And Element does this deliciously easily with no BS, no sugar, 5 calories won't break a fast and helps prevent those muscle cramps, headaches, and energy dips that come with dehydration. So many electrolyte drinks have tons of crap in them. Sugar, tons of sugar, as much sugar as a can of soda.

[Trevor Wallace]

It's ridiculous.

[Pete Holmes]

But Element has none of that. It's the optimum ratio of sodium, magnesium and potassium for health, performance and energy. I start every day with my favorite flavor, which is lemonade salt. Close second, watermelon salt. And this floods every cell in my body with optimum hydration and jump starts my day. It's amazing before or after a workout. It's also just great when you're fasting or trying not to snack late at night because it's delicious and it fills your body body with what it's craving, which is so often in my case, salt. So get a free sample pack of Element. Their most popular flavors, citrus salt, raspberry salt, watermelon salt and orange salt. Two sticks of each flavor with any purchase when you use promo code weird. Go to support this show. Go to Support your body drinklmnt.com weird and get your free sample pack with any purchase Promo code weird. That's drinklmnt.com is it just me or are things actually really scary right now?

[Trevor Wallace]

In the world of public health, every.

[Pete Holmes]

Day brings another confusing headline. Or yet again, a far fetched claim.

[Trevor Wallace]

Vaccines are somehow up for debate and.

[Pete Holmes]

Parents are scrolling TikTok for medical advice. I'm Chelsea Clinton, an advocate, author, investor, teacher and mom navigating this insane time right alongside you. I hope you'll join me on my new podcast, that can't be True, a show that sorts fact from fiction, especially on issues impacting our health. From Limonada Media and the Clinton Foundation.

[Trevor Wallace]

That can't be True is out October 2nd.

[Pete Holmes]

But anyway, anytime a comic. Look, I'll talk shit, but I'm just saying like, especially publicly, but like, I won't talk shit.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh yeah, I heard how you talked about me before coming here. Of course. Dumb Internet kid.

[Pete Holmes]

Katie, that YouTube thing is coming.

[Trevor Wallace]

Damn it. You look at your calendar, you go during the holidays, my pronouns were what?

[Pete Holmes]

It thing.

[Trevor Wallace]

It thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, YouTube, you're you. My pronouns are YouTube.

[Trevor Wallace]

That's got.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that over? Those are over.

[Trevor Wallace]

What?

[Pete Holmes]

I feel like on the joke market, I'm like, where I said six, seven is going out. You can't do my pronouns.

[Trevor Wallace]

No, those have been gone once that once I heard Roseanne Barr say like, my pronouns are you.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right, it's over.

[Trevor Wallace]

There you go.

[Pete Holmes]

She's. She's like even worse than me. Yeah, I just mean in terms of like, if she knows what it Is right.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I have one pronoun joke that I like. God's pronoun. God's Twitter account says thy. Thou.

[Trevor Wallace]

Great.

[Pete Holmes]

I thought that was good.

[Trevor Wallace]

Great.

[Pete Holmes]

Who cares?

[Trevor Wallace]

I love it.

[Pete Holmes]

You're kind. Where were we? Oh, algorithm considerations. I like what you said and I agree with you, but I am an AI optimist for all the, all the content I watch on that and it's like Anderson Cooper being like. But so you're. I think you're gonna a human making a thing like me watching you do like the earbuds video. And I don't just mean a unconscious way that I'm enjoying it. A conscious way that I'm enjoying it is. I'm like, he's on the street, he's going, this is my bubble. And someone just walked through. Like I care that it's real. When I hear something or watch something that isn't real, isn't made by a person, I lose interest. Interest very, very quickly.

[Trevor Wallace]

It's a good point. Yeah. I think it's like. Well, with anything, it's like I was against being on Tick Tock and then I years like 2019 because I didn't want to change and adapt. And then I post one video and it does great. I'm like, well, this is where my attention's at. So if I post an AI video. Well, AI gets a lot of hate right now in the social world. Like if you use AI in your thumbnail or in your video, people comment like, this is AI slop. Like, why are you using AI? Like, yeah, people are pretty against it right now.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah, I agree. I saw a billboard for. That was AI Morgan and Morgan, it's clearly AI and I was like, so I get it, I get it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. So I think it's like there's. If you're using like, I think where people are using it is like behind the scenes almost where like AI edited a clip, but the clip is still human to human.

[Pete Holmes]

Right, right.

[Trevor Wallace]

Somebody's editing this podcast right now with AI clips.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's the YouTube. So Joe is our guy. He. He does it by. By old fashioned, hand by hand. He does it by hand.

[Trevor Wallace]

Well, that's what's so interesting. Yeah, I've been interviewing as somebody to post on my behalf because up until now I still post everything myself, which is just taxing and exhausting and I want to spend more time with the creative side of things. But I'm interviewing a bunch of these people who are doing it and they're all kind of a couple Years out of college, maybe two or three years out. And I'm like, what editing software do you use? Like Final Cut or Premiere? And they're like, what iPhone Cap Cut?

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. And it's just, that's just the new, like, it's so prehistoric for them to like open up a laptop and go on to like premiere and like subtitle manually. And it's just. It's just generations. Wow. It's just easier. You can do it on the phone and then I'll try to do it on my phone. I get frustrated. Then I just put it on my laptop. I go, okay, I'm not doing all this.

[Pete Holmes]

I can't believe that using Final Cut is old fashioned. Yeah, but I guess so.

[Trevor Wallace]

But the thought of it like this, opening this giant screen and uploading a project file that you're always gonna run out of storage.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, it's so small, tiny. Getting the frame perfect.

[Trevor Wallace]

Good. But then like, one word, like, won't fit in there.

[Pete Holmes]

Also, the subtitles suck.

[Trevor Wallace]

I hate it.

[Pete Holmes]

They suck.

[Trevor Wallace]

That's the worst part.

[Pete Holmes]

I've never. I. I don't even correct it anymore.

[Trevor Wallace]

Because I know you're like, good, I'll get comments on it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it'll get engagement.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, I just spelled my own name.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, exactly.

[Trevor Wallace]

Sometimes I'll even do that on a flyer with tour dates. I'll spell like Pittsburgh wrong on purpose and then people like, you spelled Pittsburgh just to get the people comments. That's a way to game Pittsburgh with a K. Kittsburg. Kittsburg, which is also in Massachusetts, but Gittsburg, Mass. Yeah, I. Where was I going with all this?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, we were talking about the algorithm and it used to be different and now it's about hitting that wave. I had a. Another unrelated question is, do you feel as you did YouTube first and then Stand up.

[Trevor Wallace]

Stand up first. When I was like 17, I tried it and did it and I was like kind of doing it through college and simultaneously vine came out.

[Pete Holmes]

Yep.

[Trevor Wallace]

So I was doing vine and Stand up in college and then after college moved to la and there was. There wasn't really any video platforms heading at this point because vine died. So I was only doing mics. And then I was like, I feel like Facebook and YouTube are like the biggest ones. I started posting on Facebook and YouTube.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, well, that explains why you're. You're very good at stand up. So I'm not surprised. Surprised that you were doing it before.

[Trevor Wallace]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

But I'm interested in the. The considerations now. I suppose if somebody was Starting now. Do you feel kind of how I feel about podcasting? It's like, I don't know, man. Like, if you start. I don't know how a little bit started now.

[Trevor Wallace]

Well. Well, it's not even about the following anymore.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the tricky part, because subscribes and all that stuff don't really matter.

[Trevor Wallace]

Right. Because it's more so just about getting on somebody's feed. It's more so just about getting on somebody's Explore page or their algorithm. Algorithm. But when it comes to followers, like a comedy club will look at your page and be like, well, we. We don't want to book you until you have 100k followers or whatever it is. But, like, it's not like a follower app. So somebody could get a ton of views, but it doesn't pay off to the following.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

So to your point of podcasting and you're like, I don't really know. I. I don't. I don't really think. I. I think I would just be posting and just not expected. Not care so much about the followers.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Something pure.

[Trevor Wallace]

But that is so bizarre that they're like, like, hey, here's a following. But also these apps aren't about following.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

So what is this about?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's where I'm old school too. Like, it doesn't really matter. Your fault. You just want things to pop.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. I guess my advice would just be to not harp so much on. And it used to. Videos used to pop, like in the first hour. Now it's like a lot more delayed where it's. Because everybody's posting. I mean, it's like everybody. Not only everybody has social media, but everybody's posting now. It's like, in what world, world is your dentist asking, do you want to collab? What? Like, so the competition, that happened. Absolutely.

[Pete Holmes]

Your dentist asked you to collab, did he?

[Trevor Wallace]

So he. I. He was like, cleaning my teeth. And after. He's a friend of a friend, he's cleaning my teeth. And he goes, I. Like, I was like, hey, can I make a video? So, yeah, yeah. Could you just tag me in that? Or we could like collab if you want. And he's a great guy and he. And he. And he shines my teeth. But it's like, there's so much competition now. Out. Every job is posting. Every. Every. I mean, like, you'll.

[Pete Holmes]

What if it. Where does it end?

[Trevor Wallace]

You go to the DMV and then there's a sign that's like, follow us on X. Why Would I follow the dmv?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

A mortician's got it. Everybody's got it, because that's the new age website. So the competition is just so much harder because there's so much.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's how I feel about podcast. It's like, when I started, it was like ham radio, and now it's like the biggest celebrities in the world have it. It's like you.

[Trevor Wallace]

And they're only doing it because they want money. It's.

[Pete Holmes]

It's.

[Trevor Wallace]

They're doing it for like a season.

[Pete Holmes]

Sense. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

I mean, yeah, It's. It's just. There's so much competition out there that it's.

[Pete Holmes]

You wouldn't know the advice to necessarily.

[Trevor Wallace]

I think it would just be. Just keep posting until you find your own.

[Pete Holmes]

But you know Jesse Wells, the. The musician?

[Trevor Wallace]

I don't.

[Pete Holmes]

He's a musician. We need a super cut of me asking you if you know things, because we're just indifferent. And I love it.

[Trevor Wallace]

I don't know anything.

[Pete Holmes]

Jesse Wells is a great musician. And. And he did a very similar thing. He just posted. Posted videos of him literally just singing in a field. And I heard him give the same advice, which is like, don't worry about your following and your. And likes and all that sort of stuff. Just like, just play music. Like, play lots of music, write good music. And it sounds like you're saying the same thing about comedy. Like, do what makes you laugh. Post what makes you laugh. You're not chasing trends as much as just trying to make yourself laugh. Is that.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. Yeah. Because, I mean, if you're trying to chase something, it's like the wave analogy. It's already passed. Yeah. You're chasing a wave, but for you to catch up and swim to the wave, you might be able to catch the tail end, but, yeah, the waves already caught.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

I always think about, like, what would catch your attention? Like, to somebody who makes stuff, I'd be like, so you want to promote your music. You're talking to somebody. You want to promote your music. Why do. Why do you stop online? What is it? Is it because they have a crazy hook or it looks like a fake video? Is it bouncing jugs? What gets you going? Yeah, yeah, it's. You know, Carl's junior Was covering tits with burgers. Did through the Roof.

[Pete Holmes]

It did. They did that.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, my God. Are you. Have you seen a TV?

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not on there.

[Trevor Wallace]

Well, it is like 10 years ago.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I remember that. Wasn't it Jessica Simpson, too? She did a Carl's Jr Internet. They were. They were the ones that were like, what if it's sex and burgers? They were the first ones. And whoever put those two rounds and, like, Grimace.

[Trevor Wallace]

What the hell? Give Grimace some tits already.

[Pete Holmes]

We need Grimmy tits. Grimmy titties.

[Trevor Wallace]

Bring back the shamrock shake. Give Grimace a rack. That's all I'll stand for.

[Pete Holmes]

Shamcock Shake. Jake. Because it's tits and sex. Now, McCockles, turn that. Turn the M upside down so it looks like droop of titties.

[Trevor Wallace]

Holy. Because right now it looks. What does it look like now?

[Pete Holmes]

It looks like a ass up in the air. It works both ways. Yeah, it looks like an ass.

[Trevor Wallace]

It's like a narrow ass. It's a bonus.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a bony ass. They need a little MacD's. But, like, does your ass look like this? Come eat here. Yeah, we'll pad you up.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, I guess I'm just trying to think about what would. What would.

[Pete Holmes]

Would.

[Trevor Wallace]

What would you like to see and how could you implement your own.

[Pete Holmes]

You're making all the effort to try and keep it on topic. Because you are giving good advice.

[Trevor Wallace]

I'm trying to land about it, but.

[Pete Holmes]

McDonald's looks like an ass.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, well, listen, I. Oh, you're right. So I was thinking about the Wendy's girl, and she's old now.

[Pete Holmes]

You know how it says Mom?

[Trevor Wallace]

What? Her shirt says Mom.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. So she has the circle here, and there's an M here and an M here. It looks like her collar. It says Mom. Mom. It's subliminal Wendy's. Subliminal advertising.

[Trevor Wallace]

She's a mom.

[Pete Holmes]

It says mom. We were talking about. I mean, you have an association. Comfort your mom cooking for you. It's not a conspiracy. The Wendy's logo says mom on it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Are you. What the hell is going on with the square patties? An answer for that?

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know, man. That seems like a mistake that they went with. Yeah, Dave Thomas. I up. I cut it as a square. Just do it. Wendy's mom.

[Trevor Wallace]

Where's Mom?

[Pete Holmes]

There's like Taco Bell has 666 in it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Does it really, bro?

[Pete Holmes]

How can you not see that? Oh, oh. Hold it up for the people. Let them see it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Mom.

[Pete Holmes]

So. So the blue is the first down, then the circle is a mom. It says mom underneath.

[Trevor Wallace]

It just blew my mind. Wow. Wow. And I bet you didn't know that about Wendy.

[Pete Holmes]

Upside down, she's wow.

[Trevor Wallace]

Upside down, she's wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Upside down, she's wow.

[Trevor Wallace]

Exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

The Taco Bell 666 is harder to.

[Trevor Wallace]

See where that's in there.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know what I'm watching, but.

[Trevor Wallace]

Like, I love leaving a podcast. The bell is search logo. My search afterwards. Taco Bell logo.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. Taco Bell's 666. Then you'll. Then you'll be on a list. But you know how they. You can see it in your mind, right? The bell is a six and then there's. It's shadowed in a purple.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

And also the bell, the center of the bell is like a dragon's eye.

[Trevor Wallace]

I saw.

[Pete Holmes]

And you know, Tesla is a. Is a decapitated Christ. What? How. Why do I know this is it really think of the Tesla logo. And then there's a little. It's like somebody cut the head off of a crucified person. That's. That's what they say. And this one's not. I mean, I don't think this one's that far fetched. Monster Energy.

[Trevor Wallace]

I was just gonna bring this one up.

[Pete Holmes]

666.

[Trevor Wallace]

There's a lady that she was seeing at like some. I don't even know, looks like a science fair there. And she was too old to be there, but she's comments. She's like, you see that each line is the six and the six, but.

[Pete Holmes]

In Hebrew, a six. Is that like it is a 666? Yeah. It's crazy.

[Trevor Wallace]

And then you look at monster and they're like. Or it's just the claw.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's a good excuse, but maybe.

[Trevor Wallace]

I'm a flat earther to monster Energy. Maybe I'm. I'm a believer of monster energy.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, firmament.

[Trevor Wallace]

They wonders for my career early on. So.

[Pete Holmes]

Withers. What? Who? Monster. Don't you like make fun of that sort of stuff?

[Trevor Wallace]

Of course, absolutely.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

But yeah, they're a funny company. I made a video for them and it did well. So they brought me to their head, their headquarters, to make a video in the center of the earth in the office. Yes. It was on. Absolutely. So I made a video inside the office at Monster. And then part of it was outside and I showed the building on purpose because I had a big monster logo because I wanted, you know, IP and branding. And then their one note was like, hey, can you blur out the monster logo out front of the office? We don't want people to know we have a giant corporate building. Your monster energy drink, you sponsor the X Games.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I think people know you have it.

[Trevor Wallace]

You're in every chevron across America.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

And people are like, yeah, it's a mom and pop shop. Is out of. It's out of a garage.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, it's a real monster.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what the lore is. He's just roll out of a cave Donkey Kong style. He throws them out.

[Trevor Wallace]

That's where Monsters Inc. Started. Was from Sully.

[Pete Holmes]

Sully's our CEO.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, he said that. I was like, what do you mean? You don't want people to think you're a big operation? Like, wouldn't you want people to think you're a big operation?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Right.

[Trevor Wallace]

That was just such a funny note.

[Pete Holmes]

That I think Red Bull. How well has Red Bull done where like we don't advertise. Just occasionally we have a guy like fight a shark and then it fucks him.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Whoa.

[Trevor Wallace]

What channels that on? Their ads are just the same. It's just black and white. Like sketch figure.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

But.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's always like a guy's gonna roller skate down a building.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. Every once a year they're like, let's go to Tampa and let's throw people off. Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

The. The skydive from space.

[Trevor Wallace]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's our advertising.

[Trevor Wallace]

All their stuff is Red Bull gives you wings. And all these people are falling so fast out of the sky. No wings where those Red Bull needs an airport. Hooters used to have an airline on.

[Pete Holmes]

I forgot Hooters had an airline. Get your back in the upright position.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. That's. I would have loved to see the guys who are flying on that Hooters. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Cuz that is a big guys that.

[Trevor Wallace]

Sit at a Hooters bar.

[Pete Holmes]

That was a thing. I'm surprised.

[Trevor Wallace]

Hooters.

[Pete Holmes]

When Hooters started, we were like, we found it. We found guys want to go to strip clubs, but they don't want to feel like they go to a strip club. So we're gonna do a medium salsa strip club.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's just a place where you eat wings.

[Trevor Wallace]

I went there on my 13th birthday in Burbank with my dad.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a real waitress. Yeah, that's what it is.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a boob mitzvah.

[Trevor Wallace]

I was just gonna say that.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a bra mitzvah.

[Trevor Wallace]

Holy. But our waitress was pregnant. And that's Burbank. But hey, you got. But here's the thing with pregnancy. It does enlarge other parts of the female body. So she was probably. She was working Tuesdays. Now she's working Friday because she got the pregn. A rack pump.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not my fetish But I understand if sex is about, like, that's the. There it is. I don't know how to quite say what I want to say. It's sexy that people have sex. So a pregnant lady should be like.

[Trevor Wallace]

Whoa, you've done it.

[Pete Holmes]

She's. She's down to.

[Trevor Wallace]

You've done it in the past one to nine months. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Trevor Wallace]

It's a pro now.

[Pete Holmes]

Patch Adams, he goes, let's go to the maternity ward. You know, they put out. Out. That's the joke.

[Trevor Wallace]

Thank you. Great joke. But I remember going to Hooters at 13, being like, so eye opening, big. This is the coolest day of my life.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

And then you do like a Mall of America with a comedy club in it. And then you walk past the Hooters. Yeah. And you're like, this is the saddest place I've ever been.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hooters on New Year's Eve.

[Trevor Wallace]

Hooters on Father's Day is tough.

[Pete Holmes]

Hooters on Father's Day. Why is the staff.

[Trevor Wallace]

There goes my phone. It's dead. Sorry. I feel like.

[Pete Holmes]

It's all right.

[Trevor Wallace]

I feel like my phone falling cut off your joke. Why is the staff so sad today?

[Pete Holmes]

Ah, it's all right. I do feel like. No, not going to say it.

[Trevor Wallace]

What's the best holiday to go to.

[Pete Holmes]

Hooters on Valentine's Day? Pink with a date. The weirdest flex and you just lock onto them. I don't even see these people I asked for. Is that a Hooters? You say she had tits.

[Trevor Wallace]

Exactly. I like the food here.

[Pete Holmes]

I come here for the articles.

[Trevor Wallace]

I have this old joke that was. I forget what it was. Was like, the saddest day of my life was like, I was in Albany, New York, and I postmated Hooters and for some reason I expected the driver to have, like, tits.

[Pete Holmes]

Of course.

[Trevor Wallace]

And I'm, like, in my room, like, doing push ups. I'm all nervous. What did. I had some acronym for it.

[Pete Holmes]

You need. If you get Hooters to go, the driver should be hard, hot. Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

It was this.

[Pete Holmes]

It should come by surfboard. They should be salty and moist.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Glistening. I mean, and they. Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

Bright orange shorts.

[Pete Holmes]

And they. They should be not facing you when you turn the door, so they can turn and, like, glisten and be like your wings. And that's how it should be.

[Trevor Wallace]

That's all that happens when you take the tits away. You realize how awful the food is.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not good.

[Trevor Wallace]

Not good at all.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not good.

[Trevor Wallace]

At all.

[Pete Holmes]

All speed round. Ever see a ghost?

[Trevor Wallace]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Ufo?

[Trevor Wallace]

I think so.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Where?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, just sky. That's where they hang out. I saw one at a big lots parking lot once. Ufi bro.

[Pete Holmes]

That was the O.

[Trevor Wallace]

There's four O's tires.

[Pete Holmes]

Nice.

[Trevor Wallace]

I think.

[Pete Holmes]

Think. Where were you when you saw it in the sky?

[Trevor Wallace]

Well, you just see like I've probably seen like 12 my life really. But they're just objects in the sky that are bright. I don't know if it's a ufo but you just think you're like, it's either a delta flight or ufo.

[Pete Holmes]

Everyone's a little too fast. But you've never seen something like make a right turn. I just. I'm reading this book called A cult Elvis and I really like it. I'm actually kind of loving it. I'm a little McDonald's on it if I'm being honest. It's a little McDonald's Burger King. Burger King of rock and roll.

[Trevor Wallace]

Have it your way.

[Pete Holmes]

He did have it his way.

[Trevor Wallace]

You should start implementing that in your just how you talk day to day. Val was mad at me and she's just, you know, a little bird came with it. She's having it her way. She came home with my favorite coffee. McDonald's. Not McDonald's. But I'm loving it.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm loving it.

[Trevor Wallace]

I like that. My parents used on code in front of me and my sister. They made up their own language like cocktails me it was some form of Yiddish. But they would do it. My grandparents taught them that so they could pretty much talk in front of me. And I knew they would put like a Z in between every syllable. I couldn't figure it out. So I'd hear like in the back of the car to hear tresor visor, which was Trevor. And I'd be like, you guys saying about me. I'm not very McDonald's about this right now.

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Trevor Wallace]

But I wouldn't know what they were saying because it would suck so fast. I would hear my name and then I don't.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not good at those.

[Trevor Wallace]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

When people like every syllable you hiccup. I'm like, maybe I just don't talk to you. I can't do it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Do a smoke signal instead.

[Pete Holmes]

So you've seen oh, the day after Roswell. There was a book called the day after Roswell because that happened in 1947. Roswell is the UFO crash in New Mexico. And they make an argument. I just think this stuff is very interesting that that's where all transistor technology, which we had. None of it. And then after Roswell, all the technological boom that basically went into, like 2003 is when it started to cool down was because of alien technology. Technology. I was like, I think that's really interesting, bro. You want to do some ketamine?

[Trevor Wallace]

Kinda. Is that what's in this?

[Pete Holmes]

Magic Mind Supreme. They're working on it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Magic.

[Pete Holmes]

Er, magic or mine?

[Trevor Wallace]

Magic, your mind.

[Pete Holmes]

No. Ghosts, sometimes UFOs. You ever almost die?

[Trevor Wallace]

I think once I was really drunk leaving a party in high school and I was long boarding home with a great group of fellas. There was this road that turns into a T. My brain was like, you need to turn left. And then my body didn't. And I went smack dab into a telephone pole.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no.

[Trevor Wallace]

Bombing a hill on a longboard. I was probably going 30 miles an hour concussed. Don't. I remember right up until it happened. Then woke up the next morning and I don't know if I nearly died, but, like, if a car was coming.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

Which I could. I guess you could say anything King across the street this morning, if a car was coming.

[Pete Holmes]

Somebody pulled me out of the road once when I was really drunk and they yanked.

[Trevor Wallace]

I had. That actually happened once. Twice. Once, Twice. Holy. I need magic mind.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I think that happens. I think that's an underreported thing because it means very much when it happens. But you do forget pretty quickly that somebody saved your life because it's not a very sexy story. You were just being an idiot.

[Trevor Wallace]

And, well, it loses legitimacy to say, you know, well, I was hammered. They're like, okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Exactly. Exactly. There's been a lot of those.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Fallen. Could have passed down.

[Trevor Wallace]

There's a. Me and two of my best friends lived together in an apartment when we first moved to la. And they weren't in comedy at all. They're just hometown friends.

[Pete Holmes]

Htf.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. As it's reported to the government.

[Pete Holmes]

But they fill out an hdf.

[Trevor Wallace]

You have an HDF form or a wh. It was our last night together before we all moved out. And they're moving in with girlfriends or moving different states or whatever. And we all went out one night and it was like a school night for us youngins. And we got so drunk that I remember, for whatever reason, a bus was driving by and I thought it'd be funny to, like, fake swing at the bus. And then same thing. Friend grabbed my, like, collar, like, ripped me back. I was like, did you? Almost punched a moving bus, which is Not. Yeah. I thought I was Hulk Hogan. I thought I was Superman. I thought it was something.

[Pete Holmes]

This isn't the movie rampage.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. I thought I was gonna like hit it and then it like slams in its spot and then I don't move at all or have a scuff or scar.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. When in reality it would have pulled all of your skin off.

[Trevor Wallace]

Dead. Gone. Goodbye.

[Pete Holmes]

Dead.

[Trevor Wallace]

No arm, no face, no leg. Trev. Dead.

[Pete Holmes]

Rip. Do you like being successful? Do you enjoy it or is it disappointing? I love it.

[Trevor Wallace]

I love, I love everything that I do, I think.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you like the life? Do you like it? I guess what I'm saying is like, like, are you finding it fulfilling or are you sort of like, this is what it's like to be a known person? And by the way, that's a leading question. I hope you do like it.

[Trevor Wallace]

I see both sides, you know, I think there's sides that are like, wow, this is so cool. I can't believe I get to do this. And then there's also sides that, like, the more successful you get in comedy, the more it turns into like a business. And you're like, I quit my day job so I could do comedy and now it's more in the business side. So now I'm like hiring people to try to get back to more to the creative side.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Trevor Wallace]

And now, now there's people who look to me and be like, well, the holidays, can I take two weeks off? And how do I get paid? And I'm like, I don't. I'm not a boss.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know. Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

So that side is distressful. I don't like having to be like someone's like, employer. That's stressful. I want to just make video and tell jokes.

[Pete Holmes]

It's Chris Rock. The best waiter, suddenly is the owner of a restaurant. Why is that?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't, I don't want to own a restaurant. And you're better at being a waiter. A lot of CEOs know that. By the way. It's like people that have the talent to like, start a business or start being a comedian aren't the right person to run.

[Trevor Wallace]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

The day to day.

[Trevor Wallace]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

So you should find people to help you with that, that you trust. And then later you can sue them.

[Trevor Wallace]

They. I sue them?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Because they'll be stealing.

[Trevor Wallace]

Stealing money.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I'm assuming Katie steals so much.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, I mean, you know, quick little perspective.

[Pete Holmes]

I expect a little off the top.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oops. Audio boom didn't come through this much. Month yank Yank. Happy holidays.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's good, because they know people skimming.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, skimming, Katie.

[Pete Holmes]

Skim Lavine.

[Trevor Wallace]

Listen, I have a call my business manager at one and, you know, I mean.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. Like, hold on one second. Yeah, no, we won't audit them right now, but we will audit them at some point and then we go, oh, no, I wasn't talking about you.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, or I play the sympathy roll and be like, I can't believe it's getting four Close. Closed, please. May I have a can of soup, sir?

[Pete Holmes]

Even better.

[Trevor Wallace]

Hello? My phone might die. I have to go back to Cricket Wireless.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's right. My burner is on the way out. It's one of those ones you can't charge. Yeah, it just runs on the.

[Trevor Wallace]

Running out of minutes. The prepaid minutes. Minutes. That was an era.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell me a weird thing that happened. You got invited to hovercraft with Dwayne the Rock Johnson. Tell me a weird one. Tell me a weird one. You're in a safe place. If someone asks, it's not a flex.

[Trevor Wallace]

Okay, okay. Two come to mind. But I think there's probably better ones.

[Pete Holmes]

It's okay.

[Trevor Wallace]

I went to a game night at the chain smoker's house a while ago. That was fun.

[Pete Holmes]

Referenced them in the. In the white glove.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yes. Yes, I went to a game night. I thought that was funny. This was very early on. I. A friend was like, yeah, come to this. And they were like, who's this guy? And now we're friends. I. Nice. What was the other one? I just had it. I just had it.

[Pete Holmes]

Was their house crazy?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yo, was it a moat?

[Pete Holmes]

Hit a moat.

[Trevor Wallace]

There's a moat.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a moat.

[Trevor Wallace]

There's a moat. Your. Your phone runs out of service and you still got 10 miles to go. One of those houses in the hills.

[Pete Holmes]

You had a moat and you lost service. Like a horror movie.

[Trevor Wallace]

I mean, the Big Kill, bro. Can we talk about it? We're in a movie together. Movie.

[Pete Holmes]

The Big Kill.

[Trevor Wallace]

That's how we got connection. That's true.

[Pete Holmes]

I recognize you on that first day. That was.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, yeah, that was me.

[Pete Holmes]

Can we talk about this on me?

[Trevor Wallace]

I've known about Pete for many years. Always been a fan. I love. Love crashing.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't love it.

[Trevor Wallace]

That show.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no, no.

[Trevor Wallace]

You starred in it. You should.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I wasn't. I wasn't thinking. These guys, you and the other fellas.

[Trevor Wallace]

Him. Morgan. Oh, gee, he doesn't even. Morgan. J. This guy's selling out freaking countries.

[Pete Holmes]

I just couldn't be bothered to try and recall Morgan's name. I love Morgan. He did the bodies. Great. He's also in this movie. But that's my point. I'm a real three, four things at once.

[Trevor Wallace]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm doing my scene. I'm getting some breakfast. I wasn't also going like, who's showing up today? And how should I greet them? So I saw you and I thought that that must be it. Didn't recognize you. And I was like. It's just. It's a crew guy. Just don't.

[Trevor Wallace]

Don't even bother him. Jesus Christ.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't bother him.

[Trevor Wallace]

I'm a crew guy.

[Pete Holmes]

You look like a crew.

[Trevor Wallace]

Have you seen what the.

[Pete Holmes]

The crew guys look like? No neck tattoo.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. What did I look like I was doing? Not gaffing, lighting. I don't have a build for that. Those guys are real, man.

[Pete Holmes]

You actually look like you were there. Like an intimacy coordinator.

[Trevor Wallace]

Okay, good, good. Yeah, yeah. On the big kill, make sure that when you die, you don't get kissed.

[Pete Holmes]

Not too orgasmy.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Death and coming.

[Trevor Wallace]

I didn't know that.

[Pete Holmes]

A little death coming.

[Trevor Wallace]

Soft.

[Pete Holmes]

But I felt horrible. But then we got over it. But I had to circle back, which is one of those. My fault. My bad.

[Trevor Wallace]

Well, I. I didn't know if you knew me, so. So I didn't have any expectation.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Trevor Wallace]

I. I see you in the 6am at the coffee stand where we're filming.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

And I see you. Give you a quick what's up? And then you spit. Not at me, but in my direction.

[Pete Holmes]

I spit?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, kind of.

[Pete Holmes]

But like big. But mostly. Mostly like white. Fluffy. Not like a lung.

[Trevor Wallace]

It was like. It was like. It was honestly cooler than. It was disrespectful. Yeah. Yeah. And then you did that. And then.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I thought you were a crew member. And that's how I do.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. You go, how about this for sag?

[Pete Holmes]

And if they're holding a sandwich, I'll it to the ground.

[Trevor Wallace]

Exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

Then I go, now eat.

[Trevor Wallace]

That's mine.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

And you say five second rule. How. How's the five minute rule? And you step on it.

[Pete Holmes]

I step on it and I say take it.

[Trevor Wallace]

But I gave you. Yeah. Why? Has a nice outline on it. Ridge.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, looks like a waffle now.

[Trevor Wallace]

Honestly, Great idea. Timberland Waffle Press.

[Pete Holmes]

The Timberland Waffle Press. It's two boots.

[Trevor Wallace]

Barb. Get on the phone.

[Pete Holmes]

Good for you.

[Trevor Wallace]

I see you at the. The crafty truck.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

And. Hey, how you doing, man? Nothing like a bold.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't give you nothing.

[Trevor Wallace]

I Said, hey, what's up, man?

[Pete Holmes]

You went.

[Trevor Wallace]

You did not rewind. You did. It wasn't great. It was like a. It was like, this is a. It was like you saw me in the same subway as you. Like it. Like there was no recollection.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't even say hi. I just went, yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh yeah. And I go, listen, I know you're number one on the call sheet, but can we hot number two?

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, that's even more disrespectful.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. But then later by number four.

[Trevor Wallace]

Holy.

[Pete Holmes]

Or six. I don't know.

[Trevor Wallace]

But later in hair and makeup, you were like, how you doing, man?

[Pete Holmes]

That was pre. Cough. That was just getting.

[Trevor Wallace]

Of course. But that was a real Pete.

[Pete Holmes]

I know.

[Trevor Wallace]

Pre coffee Pete.

[Pete Holmes]

Pterodactyl. Pterodactyl. I said pterodactyl. When your phone dies, that's the real you. That looks like a strong ass.

[Trevor Wallace]

Pass.

[Pete Holmes]

Password.

[Trevor Wallace]

Good line. Holy. Did you watch the whole thing or just clips?

[Pete Holmes]

No, I watched it. I didn't clip it. 60, 61 minute clips or just one lump sum.

[Trevor Wallace]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

One lump.

[Trevor Wallace]

You know, it's always interesting when somebody you respect in comedy is like, hey, I watch your special.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I thought it was great.

[Trevor Wallace]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. That's why. I'm sorry, I thought I. But I shouldn't, I shouldn't have withheld because when people. I hate when people do that.

[Trevor Wallace]

I saw your special in the cliffhanger. Her. Hey. Saw your special. Great energy. What the.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll do you one worse. Where was. Was on the set of the best Christmas pageant ever. Because I remember talking to Judy Greer about it. And this guy goes, I'm going to do it exactly how he did it. Let's pretend it's your special.

[Trevor Wallace]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Hey, I saw your special.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, what you think it was good.

[Pete Holmes]

I was like you. Yeah, don't bring it up.

[Trevor Wallace]

I heard somebody say, don't bring it up.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't bring it up. You brought it up.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You brought it up. I didn't say, hey, what you think of my special?

[Trevor Wallace]

It's good.

[Pete Holmes]

You're going to bring it up and you're going to bring it up 14 floors. Hey, I saw your special. It was good. The higher you go, the worse, the less you mean it.

[Trevor Wallace]

It was good. It was really good. Yeah. Cuz if you really mess, you'd be like, it was great.

[Pete Holmes]

It was amazing.

[Trevor Wallace]

Low. Low.

[Pete Holmes]

You want Barry White complimenting. You want fucking John. Johnathan Earl Thomas.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, somebody.

[Pete Holmes]

James Earl Jones and Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

[Trevor Wallace]

Together at last live at Largo But I saw.

[Pete Holmes]

Good.

[Trevor Wallace]

One of my neighbors was like, oh, I saw your. First of all. He goes. Your little Amazon thing. Anytime somebody says little in it, it's already.

[Pete Holmes]

Can we stop? It's already like, stop. It's not gonna be great. Somebody talking to Martin Luther King. I saw that thing by the.

[Trevor Wallace]

That little. What's the opposite of a nightmare?

[Pete Holmes]

That's when you realize. I think my comedy specials are the I have a dream speech. That is not what I'm saying. But imagine somebody was like, I saw that little thing you did in dc.

[Trevor Wallace]

It's. It's so bro. Dismissive.

[Pete Holmes]

It's.

[Trevor Wallace]

And it's so quick because you. Any job you add little to. It's so disrespectful. Yeah. Little police officer, you know, a little. Pew, pew, little cop. You pull me over with your little siren. Ooh, a little badge. Ooh.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what is a bet I could never make work?

[Trevor Wallace]

What's that?

[Pete Holmes]

If you know someone's name and they don't know your name, you have all the power.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, right.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's why when a cop pulls you over, the first thing he does is he wants your license. Because before then, you can see his name, but he can't see yours. So it's a power imbalance. Let's get your name in the mix.

[Trevor Wallace]

Sometimes I feel like this is just a good point. And then you're expecting a laugh and the audience is just like, yeah, this makes sense.

[Pete Holmes]

I have a lot of those. Val tells me all the time, she's like, pete, they were just listening. They liked it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Right? Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And I have to catch myself all the time. I'm like, I don't know when I would laugh at that. But I do think it's funny that they're nervous because if you know his name is Sullivan, you're like, oh, really, Sully?

[Trevor Wallace]

You want my id?

[Pete Holmes]

You're. You're the upper hand. And then he tases.

[Trevor Wallace]

You ever call a teacher by the first name? Holy shit. Get ready for detention.

[Pete Holmes]

You had that line about seeing a teacher out, which I thought was very funny.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, yeah?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I saw my teacher, Mr. Swartz, at my math teacher who tutored me every morning because it was awful at math and he was trying to help me. So he really went above and beyond. This guy. He's not getting extra money for that.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He's just meeting me at 7am to go over math, and now looking back.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, God.

[Pete Holmes]

Couldn't remember his name.

[Trevor Wallace]

Damn.

[Pete Holmes]

Still think about it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Some teachers have great memory, though.

[Pete Holmes]

But That's a real, that's a Morgan J moment. I just can't. Yeah, I'm not thinking about, you know.

[Trevor Wallace]

It, but it's like, it's not. Let me dig through some.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I'm just thinking about, I'm just doing what I'm doing. One on one convos. You could, you could stump me on my, not my daughter's middle name, but like a lot of stuff.

[Trevor Wallace]

What is your daughter's middle name?

[Pete Holmes]

Jane.

[Trevor Wallace]

Birthday?

[Pete Holmes]

Nine. You looked up, you looked up 923. I because I confuse it with 1028. 1028 is wedding anniversary. 923 is done. And what's your CVV be on which card?

[Trevor Wallace]

That's a guy who pays for Christmas lights.

[Pete Holmes]

Ladies and gentlemen, can we finish the riff? So much money. This is my house. It's just, did they do anything? They just dingy, dingy, dink.

[Trevor Wallace]

They just did the outlaw.

[Pete Holmes]

My daughter, 7 years old, is like, can we do good lights? I was like, that was eleven hundred dollars or whatever it was.

[Trevor Wallace]

Jesus.

[Pete Holmes]

And just ding, ding, ding.

[Trevor Wallace]

Do they come back and take them down for you?

[Pete Holmes]

They take them down. They do everything. It's worth it. But like when, let's say it was eleven hundred dollars. If you're giving someone eleven hundred dollars.

[Trevor Wallace]

A lot of money.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a lot of money. I'm hating me right now, but I need lights and Daddy's working, so 11 Hondo. It's like $50 a day. They're up for two months. That's, that's actually, that math doesn't check.

[Trevor Wallace]

Claire Agent. You know what? Add that show and bray it tonight. It's Christmas light season and let's do a VIP meet and greet package where we have to sell.

[Pete Holmes]

I will do cameo. Cameo.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, daddy paid for lights you were doing. You pay for your lights with cameo.

[Pete Holmes]

I, I'm not on camp. Are you on camera?

[Trevor Wallace]

I'm not, I, I, I don't like.

[Pete Holmes]

How much they take.

[Trevor Wallace]

They take a lot. I actually hate that company. They, they're, they're, they don't have any sense of like, privacy. Like they, they, you sign up with your phone number, then they like will call you. I have three. I literally, I just blocked the lady on camera two days ago. They will call me. They leave me voice memos and they're like, hey, we have a brand deal opportunity for you. I was like, I'm so sorry, I don't do my own brand deals. Here's his number. And they leave me a voice note. It's like, send Me to the agents. What if we went around the agents? I go, no. I don't even know the fuck you guys are.

[Pete Holmes]

You.

[Trevor Wallace]

You. You connect me with people. Why are you doing brand deals for me?

[Pete Holmes]

That's what Cameo does, is they take people who you don't know, and they shove them into your life, and then.

[Trevor Wallace]

They take an insane percentage.

[Pete Holmes]

So that's what I'm against on two fronts. I think there's something so sweet about sending a fan a video of you being like, I'm so glad your baby was born. So glad it's your birthday. Congrats on graduating. And it just feels a little too bend and spread to be like. And that'll be $175. Look, I know I'm paying for lights, but I'm. I can't. I can't do both. I can't be like, I'm so happy you got married.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

1:75.

[Trevor Wallace]

So sorry you went bankrupt. I think this video only made it worse for you. Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I pay for my lights. I pay for my lights.

[Trevor Wallace]

You're doing it like a mansion. You're like, sorry that this Q3 has been tougher than you usual. Yeah, I. But Cameo in the beginning, and, I mean, I don't know when I was really getting used to the Internet. And on it in the beginning was great, and holidays were great for that Valentine's Day. There were those days where I would just post about it, and you get 10 or 15, and whatever you charge, like, that was. That was legit money.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

But now I'm at a point where I. I feel what you're saying, and I'm also just like, I don't knowing the business side of this more. The fact that they take 30 of it is, like, crazy.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, you know the. That. Well, we're back to. I feel the same way about, like, podcasts and all the business. Thought I would know.

[Trevor Wallace]

You're on a podcast right now. Not anymore. If the mic's out of your hand, you're not on a podcast. You're just on a video. Roll the tape.

[Pete Holmes]

I just saw Seinfeld on Mark and Sam's podcast and all of his. I didn't watch. I just watched the first 30 seconds, and I was like, I gotta, like. Because obviously Seinfeld's older than I am. And I'm like, you just gotta roll with it. Everything was like, well, it says, you hold the mic. You hold the mic. And there's cameras. Oh, he looks up the stuff. He's over there. He looks it Up. That's how it works. I was like, there's no act. Like you've been there.

[Trevor Wallace]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

With Seinfeld. I love Seinfeld. I'm a huge fan.

[Trevor Wallace]

I'm not even making fun of him. Of course, of course. He was just like.

[Pete Holmes]

So I said here. Everything was just like. And we just talk. Is that what we're about?

[Trevor Wallace]

Talking? I'm like. But that's of like the guy being like, sorry, special. Sorry. Little. So these are like a little cameras you do or something.

[Pete Holmes]

And it is what comedians do. He's doing the comedy thing. But I'm like.

[Trevor Wallace]

To your point? I've never seen. Not Sebastian. Holy. I've never seen Jerry Seinfeld. More Italian. I've never seen Jerry Seinfeld on a podcast.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's rare there. He did blocks. Quite good. Neil's.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Great. Very good, very good. And I'm sure Sam and we might be drunk is good, but Blocks is.

[Trevor Wallace]

Such a, like, formulaic regiment of a podcast. Yeah, we might be drunk. It's just Sam and Mark riffing. So. Yeah, why don't we.

[Pete Holmes]

He'd be. I think he's a. Well, he and Neil are friends and I think that speaks to. But he and Mark are friends. What's there? Friends with this haunted ventriloquist dummy. This sweaty ventriloquist. I love Mark. I'm just saying, of all the comedians I could have made friends with, I pick this guy. He's riffing on himself.

[Trevor Wallace]

That's awesome. Love him.

[Pete Holmes]

Leave in your comments your phone number and I'll call you and you can yell at me for making but a mark.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. Or you can leave your phone and people can call you.

[Pete Holmes]

What is it then? I do have even better.

[Trevor Wallace]

I can just pull it up.

[Pete Holmes]

Just ask Cameo. Ask Cameo. They have it. I don't know anybody in 818 Pulp Fiction. What was I going to say to you? Oh, what was it? I used to be. I wanted to be on Comedians in Cars so badly that I thought. You're right.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I thought of things to say that isn't that sweet? Like. Like planning a phone call to a girl you like. Yeah, like a script. I was like, rear view mirror. All mirrors are rear view.

[Trevor Wallace]

Holy shit.

[Pete Holmes]

If you're looking in a rear view. If you're looking in a mirror and you're sitting in front of you, that's a window.

[Trevor Wallace]

Why does this Tesla have a Rack camera but also rear view mirror? Who am I looking at? The technology or myself? Mine just sounds like a vampire. That's not. What else would you have said?

[Pete Holmes]

I wouldn't say, I want to suck your blood.

[Trevor Wallace]

I need to suck your blood if I live. It's a nutrient thing. I'd be a TCP be. Why right now?

[Pete Holmes]

I don't want to sleep in a coffin. It's cultural.

[Trevor Wallace]

That's good. What else would you have said to Jerry on Comedians and Cars?

[Pete Holmes]

Getting coffee, St. Belt? I don't know, but it was all.

[Trevor Wallace]

You would have done Seinfeld voice in it.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't think I would, but it would be better if I did.

[Trevor Wallace]

But he also seems like a guy that if he said that, he'd be like, all right, stop riffing.

[Pete Holmes]

I do. I.

[Trevor Wallace]

You know, there's some of the guys in comedy, like, riff with them. They go, no, just be real. And you're like.

[Pete Holmes]

Of them. He's like, I'd rather you just talk to me. Yeah, don't do. Don't do my voice. He also doesn't sound like that when you hear him. He's more like, is it. I can't do the real one. But it's not that.

[Trevor Wallace]

Let's bring him in.

[Pete Holmes]

Jerry, come on in. Bring those eyes. Whose vines are these?

[Trevor Wallace]

Le.

[Pete Holmes]

Joe deroza called me because we posted something from new material. Seinfeld called this puppet we used to do, and he goes, why do they call money to ho? Because you need it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Holy. I mean, my mom loves pun comedy so much. That would send her to the floor.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Trevor Wallace]

That would send her to the floor.

[Pete Holmes]

Please text it to her.

[Trevor Wallace]

I, I. We are in cameo as her number. We're on a family trip, and we're doing, like, this pun off. Just. Just killing time in the car.

[Pete Holmes]

Pun dumpster.

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, my God. Well, that's a different website. But I saw. I gave my mom this pun that. I've never seen her laugh so hard at my comedy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

And then I gave her a pun. She's a punster. She. What did I say? I said, what happens if you leave lemon in the rain? It gets sitch. Rust, center to the moon.

[Pete Holmes]

Citrust.

[Trevor Wallace]

Rust.

[Pete Holmes]

I got it. I wanted to say it. Citrust.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you a guy that guesses like, if you see a popsicle stick or, like, a jump?

[Trevor Wallace]

I'll always.

[Pete Holmes]

A kid asked me a joke. He go. He goes, what was it? Fuck it. A kid told me a joke recently in a Starbucks, and I said, I had notes. Like, he told it to me.

[Trevor Wallace]

I have a tag for you. He goes, shouldn't. Why don't you use it? Unzips his Face. I bow.

[Pete Holmes]

He was inside. Yeah, he was inside. That kid. Well, well, do we want that? Here's what you're going to do. You're going to watch succession. You're going to not worry about AI. And the final thing we usually talk about is the hardest time you've laughed in your life. Do you have. Do you have something for that?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wait, did you tell the other weird Flex story?

[Trevor Wallace]

Oh, God, I don't know if I did. What was it?

[Pete Holmes]

Smokers. And what's the other one? Then? We have Hardest laugh. And I do feel like if you want to talk about the meaning of life, you can, because, you know, hardest Flex.

[Trevor Wallace]

Dave Chappelle, Mini Chappelle. And he knew my stuff. That was pretty incredible.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, when you met Chappelle?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Knew your stuff?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, it was. That was. I filmed my special Pterodactyl, or put Pterodactyl, depending on where the states you are. In Austin, where he filmed his first special. And then he was doing the Moody center in Austin that night, too. My agent was connected with some of his people and like, let's. After your taping, let's go catch the end of his set. We're in the. After the show, we're in like the holding area, just hanging out, and somebody taps my agent's like, come with me. He wants to meet Trevor. And I was like, what the. I leave everybody behind. I mean, I've never left a group of people faster. Me and my agent. 10 people who came to my special. Hold on. You don't matter. For the next 14 minutes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

Walk down hallway, hallway, hallway. Security, Security. Security. Like, this man is like behind presidential amounts of security. I walk in a room, he's in there with Gary Clark Jr. Musician, very good guy. And Dave is sitting in a. I think it's either red or a blue room. Red or blue pill. And he has his back turned to the door and he's smoking a cigarette. And he gets up and he's big. He's a big guy. He's jacked. Smoking cigarette. He's hammering. He goes.

[Pete Holmes]

He's hammered.

[Trevor Wallace]

Blackout drunk. Hammered, hammered. And he looks at me, but he goes, great. People say great things about you. And I was like, holy. That. I will never forget the. The visual imagery of that room and him saying that. And I guess he doesn't really take a lot of photos with people.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Trevor Wallace]

And I didn't ask, but his. His photographer, Kenny, man, T. Kenny T, man. One of those two was like, I'll grab a photo with Dave and He said it. So I was like, I got the vouch. I got the photo. Yeah, that was probably. And since I filmed my special where he filmed his first special in Austin, the Nate. He was in Austin. That was like a really cool, kind of like university type moments.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow, nice, man.

[Trevor Wallace]

Trying to think of a more like, random one. No, no, no. So Cuba Gooding Jr. Hammered at a bar by himself recently.

[Pete Holmes]

What's with you and just black celebrities being drunk?

[Trevor Wallace]

I am one here, Bow. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Blackburn.

[Trevor Wallace]

Trying to think. What else is trying to think of like, a really random one? When White Claw popped off for me, they ended up suing me because they're a hole of company or threatening to sue me.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry, Cease and desist.

[Trevor Wallace]

Cease and desist sounds better for the headlines, you said.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I like.

[Trevor Wallace]

But Natty Light picked up on this and they were like, let's do a big campaign. So they flew me to the Catalina Wine Mixer on a helicopter.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, that's real?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yes. Where I land. It's a real event and it's quite trashy. It's actually like, it's like fun. But you get there and the movie Step Brothers paints it as this like luxurious, like Juilliard esque event. It's trash as hell, really. Everyone's just quoting stepbrothers. And it's just. I mean, it looks like a backyard, like on 4th of July.

[Pete Holmes]

Boats and hoes.

[Trevor Wallace]

More so. Boats. Few hoes, but the boat to hoe ratio is off. But there's a lot of boats and bros if you really want to water it down.

[Pete Holmes]

Boats before bros. Oh, my God. Boats before.

[Trevor Wallace]

But I landed on a yacht and on the lot, the. The lot. The lot of the yacht was like, Logan Paul. I mean, it was like. It was a bunch of guys and they promised everybody on the yacht. It was like this massive celebrity landing on a helicopter for this PR campaign. And then it was just me getting off and they're all like, so where's the celebrity?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wow.

[Trevor Wallace]

But that was pretty fun to be in a helicopter and land on a yacht and then go to Catalina Wine Mixer. And that was probably like my like, big, big flex.

[Pete Holmes]

They have a Billy Joel coverman. I, I only 80s.

[Trevor Wallace]

I don't. I. Dude, I don't even. I don't really even know what was going on.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a good one. I didn't know probably the wine mixer was real.

[Trevor Wallace]

It's real.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow. Real thing before the movie. Like, it predates the movie.

[Trevor Wallace]

No, this was. This was.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I just mean does the mixer itself predated I don't know.

[Trevor Wallace]

Not 100% sure, but I think it. I actually have no idea.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, well, your choice. Meaning of life or hardest laugh. You can do both, but you can skip meaning of life if you want to.

[Trevor Wallace]

The meaning of life one. That's a. That's a. I don't really even know. Yeah, I'll go hardest if I ever laughed.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Trevor Wallace]

Because I think the meaning of laugh. The meaning of laugh.

[Pete Holmes]

I liked it.

[Trevor Wallace]

It was a good.

[Pete Holmes]

It was a good flip.

[Trevor Wallace]

What is this? The meaning of life.

[Pete Holmes]

So modern mammals. Oh, you have hair kind of like mine.

[Trevor Wallace]

You'll love it.

[Pete Holmes]

What is it legit? What is it? It's shampoo that doesn't like. You know how when you shampoo your hair, it sucks? You have to, like, put product in it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

This, like, cleans it, but it leaves enough hold in it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Okay, I'll leave you on this. The meaning of life is to laugh the hardest I've laughed that I can remember on the tour bus we did last year. Year we, me and Michael had bunk beds in the. And you've always said that. And replay the clip. We're back.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's take your shoes off.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Right. Love you, Rick. We had bunk beds across from each other, and we had to bank up podcast episodes during the tour. But, like, we're doing them after the shows and we were like, so delusional and tired, and it's like this dystopian east coast winters. It's like there's three to four hours of sunlight, really. So we. We never really felt like we're sleeping in so late. We'd sleep in, have an hour of sunlight, sound check, get out. It was dark. So we were in this dystopian kind of like late night sleepover vibe. And these podcasts we were doing in the bunk beds with like one camera, kind of like an aerial view getting the both of us. Some of those moments are the hardest I've ever laughed.

[Pete Holmes]

Sleepover sleep. You had it as an adult, but like that.

[Trevor Wallace]

Why is it even sleepovers as a kid or like, I know the most you'll ever lie.

[Pete Holmes]

I know.

[Trevor Wallace]

Know it's that late night kind of like, like delusional because everything's like kind of funny. Not funny. And then like that 3:30am hits and you're like, holy, Are you Richard Pryor?

[Pete Holmes]

You get goofy.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We used to put sleeping bags over our heads and wrestle, like, fight. Oh, and then our friend Dan Chow used to do it and he would. Such a weird move. He'd plant on his feet and kick with his feet. I'm sorry, plant on his hands, Kick with his feet. Yeah. So I'm like, like feeling feet. And I said, what is this mule kick? And we still say, what is this mule kick? Like just a sleepover laugh. Not a huge bit.

[Trevor Wallace]

I remember in karate, that was one of the first moves. I had a two week free trial in karate.

[Pete Holmes]

Yep. And you got to the hand plant foot kick.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. Day two. But the second that, it was literally like a Spotify premium thing. They're like, if you want your yellow belt, you must pay for the class. And I look at my mom, she's like, you're getting the trial. But I remember that one of the first or second days they taught me how to like, kick yard on the ground. I'm like, you're already assuming I'm going to be losing and I'm on a ground position.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. They're like, all right.

[Trevor Wallace]

No, no, no, don't. Don't be fighting on your feet.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's get some of the losers.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. So when you're getting your ass beat. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What's your name? Trevor. All right.

[Trevor Wallace]

Jesus Christ.

[Pete Holmes]

Take this kid down.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. Like in the middle of you getting your ass beat, here's how you slightly lessen it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Here's how to tap out with dignity.

[Trevor Wallace]

There's a lot of the mule kick.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always thought in karate classes, because I'm tall, that always be like, like karate doesn't matter about size. And then they'd be like, let me show you. And they'd get me as the example.

[Trevor Wallace]

They'd swing at you and hit your shins. You are a very tall man. I think a lot of people don't realize that.

[Pete Holmes]

You do it. I force it. You do it.

[Trevor Wallace]

You do it. You do it. You be tall. You be tall for the baby.

[Pete Holmes]

You do it.

[Trevor Wallace]

I mean, even your camera next to you is taller and it's pointed at me, but even next to you, it is tall. And I think that's just like. So I don't feel like it's a height difference.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a thing. I've really enjoyed this and I love, like the beginning. Burning it off, burning it off, burning off. And now we're like two normal people. You know what I mean?

[Trevor Wallace]

It's because the caffeine's worn off now.

[Pete Holmes]

We'Re both out of here. Let's get the hell out of here.

[Trevor Wallace]

Let's go get a coffee and restart this.

[Pete Holmes]

Never.

[Trevor Wallace]

End Episode 2 Bro, the episode the Internet Always wanted. Even though they haven't had the first one yet.

[Pete Holmes]

We could do it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Might as well.

[Pete Holmes]

Can we collab? Jk, I'm not your dentist. I'm not your Dundas pterodactyl artist special to look up.

[Trevor Wallace]

Well, I did that because I thought it'd be funny because the people who would leave hate comments probably don't know how to spell pterodactyl. That's true.

[Pete Holmes]

I do not care for that special. They can't do it.

[Trevor Wallace]

Yeah. If they go, what the is pterodactyl?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Petroleum.

[Trevor Wallace]

But I did. When I put it out on Amazon, I was like, can we make sure that it still shows up? If people started with a T, you got to. Yeah. And they're like, yeah, we got SEO working on that. Really?

[Pete Holmes]

Who knew Amazon had money for resources like that?

[Trevor Wallace]

They got a good investor. Tim Cook.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, did he invest?

[Trevor Wallace]

I don't know. He's bald.

[Pete Holmes]

Take some shampoo. Thank you. Oh, you got to say, keep it, Chris. You can really have as many as you want. I think you're gonna legit. Love it. All right.

[Trevor Wallace]

Keep it crispy. Yeah, keep it crispy. Did I do that right? Is that, like, the Nardoir ending? Do you know Nardoir?

[Pete Holmes]

Nardwar?

[Trevor Wallace]

Do you know Nardoir?

[Pete Holmes]

Is that the bar for a nard?

[Trevor Wallace]

Yes. Good night.

[Pete Holmes]

What's a Nardoir?

[Trevor Wallace]

He's an interviewer, and he's been doing it since the 90s. He's really awesome, and he gets really, really detailed stuff about people that you wouldn't expect. So he'd be like, pete, tell me about was. What was it like growing up and going to. To Winchell's on 38th? And you'd be like, how the. Do you know?

[Pete Holmes]

I went there.

[Trevor Wallace]

He's really good at doing it. He just gets the deepest information, and at the end, he ends it with. And then he points the mic to his guest and he goes, so keep it crispy. I was like, is that a Nardoir type thing?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, we do. It is. I didn't know you're Nardoir. I'm nard. I'm nard warring it. Nardwar sounds like something like, you don't jerk off or something. Like, I'm a nard war.

[Trevor Wallace]

I was gonna say a whale will.

[Pete Holmes]

But, yeah, whale blubber. And we're back. Salt and straw.

[Trevor Wallace]

My favorite flavor chicken is modern mammals and mocha, modern whimmels.

[Pete Holmes]

And mocha is so nasty. But if you have chicken and waffles, it's a limited edition flavor. It's unbelievable.

[Trevor Wallace]

It's actually good. So that's the worst part. It's like, it's such a dumb name and try and I get it.

[Pete Holmes]

You gotta do it.

[Trevor Wallace]

I get it.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, peace out.

[Trevor Wallace]

Hey, thanks for having me.

[Pete Holmes]

Keep it crispy.

[Trevor Wallace]

Keep it crispy.

[Pete Holmes]

Want to listen to your favorite Lemonada.

[Trevor Wallace]

Shows without the ads?

[Pete Holmes]

Subscribe to Lemonada Premium on Apple Podcasts.

[Trevor Wallace]

You'Ll get ad free episodes and exclusive bonus content from shows like Wiser Than Me with Julia Louis Dreyfus, Fail Better with David Duchovny, the Sarah Silverman Podcast, and so many more. It's a great way to support the work we do and treat yourself to a smoother, uninterrupted listening experience.

[Pete Holmes]

Just head to any Lemonada show feed.

[Trevor Wallace]

On Apple Podcasts and hit subscribe Make Life Suck Less with Fewer Ads With Lemonada Premium, are you looking for ways to make your everyday life happier, healthier, more productive, and more creative? I'm Gretchen Rubin, the number one bestselling author of the Happiness Project, bringing you fresh insights and practical solutions in the Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast. My co host and happiness guinea pig is my sister, Elizabeth Craft. That's me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer in Hollywood.

[Pete Holmes]

Join us as we explore ideas and hacks about cultivating happiness and good habits.

[Trevor Wallace]

Check out Happier with Gretchen Rubin from Lemonada Media.