We Made It Weird #105

Summary

Podcast Summary: "We Made It Weird #105"

Podcast: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
Date: September 23, 2022
Hosts: Pete Holmes & Valerie Chaney

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Episode Overview

This episode of "We Made It Weird" (#105) continues Pete Holmes and Valerie Chaney’s tradition of hilariously candid, meandering conversations that blend personal vulnerability with bits, impressions, and meta-commentary. The central theme is the couple’s real-time processing of a visit from Pete's parents — a catalyst for reflections on family dynamics, childhood wounds, emotional regulation, and personal growth. Throughout, they veer joyfully into riffs, character work, and bits about pop culture, relationships, and anxieties, creating the familiar feeling of being dropped into an intimate, eccentric, and honest living room chat.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. A Manic Start & Meta Self-Commentary

• [00:15–02:12] The hosts immediately acknowledge a “manic” energy, with Pete advising overwhelmed listeners to skip ahead 12–20 minutes for a calmer tone.
  • “Top of the episode: deeply, deeply manic. So if that overwhelms you, just jump 20 minutes ahead.” – Pete [01:16]
• They flash meta, treating the episode as “DVD commentary” on itself.
• Pete plugs his standup tour and monthly shows at Largo.

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2. Riffing, Bits & Household Banter

• [11:18–16:07] The couple launches into improvised bits using fake names (“Brident McNinty”), comedic non sequiturs, and banter about their relationship, sleep deprivation, and their dog Brody’s barking.
• Pete and Val riff on parody lyrics (e.g., Lizzo’s “Good as Hell”).
  • “Baby, I feel a little overlooked.” – Pete as faux-Lizzo [14:53]
• Brody’s bark becomes a recurring “aural guest,” leading to mutual sympathy for anxious listeners.
  • “That is what we're living with and there is just a shock of 9-volt terror.” – Val [15:54]

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3. Household Chaos, Boundaries, and Parenting

• [22:00–26:37] Val describes recent days as “chaos,” reflective of the podcast’s early tone.
  • “It’s been, like, chaos in this exact fashion. Like, you’re grooving along, and then one thing happens, and then something else happens…” – Val [22:05]
• Discussion of their toddler Leela’s illness and prepping for Pete’s parents’ visit.
• Pete’s parents’ impending arrival triggers childhood memories and stress.
  • “My parents are in town because—my parents... my parents are in town.” – Pete [22:52]
• The couple jokes about “reverse saging” the house and the sometimes panicked over-preparation of hosting family.

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4. The Airport Pickup Fiasco: A Microcosm of Family Triggers

• [29:03–34:05] A detailed and darkly comic recounting of the airport pickup gone awry: miscommunication with his parents, the hired driver, and phone mishaps.
  • “I’m calling the company going, is the driver there?...The driver was calling my dad, but my dad's phone, for work purposes, was forwarding to some guy in Boston.” – Pete [32:01]
• Intense anxiety surfaces as Pete recognizes old childhood beliefs: a sense of responsibility for parental well-being.
  • “If I don’t take care of my parents…everything falls apart and I’m completely unsafe...” – Pete [33:03]
• Discussion shifts from blaming circumstances to recognizing deeper emotional patterns.

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5. Navigating Parental Visits: Good Moments & Regressive Triggers

• [34:13–38:13] Sharing how parental visits veer wildly between moments of connection and deep stress.
• Pete describes a “great breakfast” after a disastrous dinner — symbolic of the complex emotional swings of family.
  • “This is why parents are so complicated. Because…it’s not just complaints about the flight...sometimes it’s this breakfast.” – Pete [41:59]
• Val and Pete riff on learning to appreciate “marshmallows,” and how the smallest household details can stir big feelings.

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6. Childhood Wounds & Adult Healing

• [45:15–50:20] Both hosts reflect on how therapy and emotional work change the parent-child dynamic in adulthood:
  • As one heals, parental visits can become more excruciating — not less.
  • “As you’re healing from these childhood wounds, you’re sort of growing further from your parents in a really good and healthy way. But that can make the visits more excruciating to go back.” – Val [46:35]
  • Pete notes sadness now often underlies his reaction to parental friction, rather than anger.
  • They explore the concept that “sadness is the benchmark” for true acceptance and grieving for what the parent-child relationship can't be.

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7. Mindfulness, Surrender & The Work

• [50:42–61:48]
• Val describes sadness as a “secret portal” leading to compassion and unity.
  • “It’s your heart breaking, but your heart breaking open…That can lead to feeling real compassion for yourself, real compassion for others, and this sort of unity with everything.” – Val [51:00]
• Pete explores self-parenting and “the work” of Byron Katie.
  • “You're helping me realize ... when you say, like, you just gotta accept them for who they are. Well, have you mourned that?” – Pete [49:44]
• They discuss Rupert Spira’s approach: true love for parents arises when you don’t need anything from them.
  • “Watch what happens. This third one I couldn’t really do. He goes: I didn’t really love my father until I realized I didn’t need or want anything from him. And I am—I’m not really there.” – Pete [53:46]

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8. Bit Parade & Joyful Absurdity

• [61:48–66:36]
• Quickfire bits about cereal confusion (Rice Chex vs. Life), made-up exercise routines, the oddity that Pete never developed a gambling habit, and the emotional comfort Pete finds in his body after starting weight training.
  • “It actually makes me feel better. Like, I’ll be protected.” – Pete [65:58]
• Pete parodies self-help cliches, lifting routines, and the culture of “muscle confusion” in fitness advice.

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9. Peak Comedy: Meditation with Trump/Walken

• [70:58–74:48]
• The final minutes showcase Pete’s much-teased “Trump does Christopher Walken does a meditation” bit — described by Val as her favorite.
  • “Just close your eyes. Close them. Close them tight. Take a big breath. One of the best breaths, hold it in at the top of the breath, let it out with something you love…Money.” – Pete as Trump/Walken [71:03]
• Val and Pete break down the meta-comedy of their dynamic (“mania rocket ship gently landing”).
  • “We really watched the mania, like, be born. Super peak. Rocket ship out of this world...gently land.” – Val [74:00]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On the energy of the episode:
  “Top of the episode: deeply, deeply manic. So if that overwhelms you, just jump 20 minutes ahead.” – Pete [01:16]

• On parenting wounds:
  “If I don’t take care of my parents and make sure their needs are met, everything falls apart and I’m completely unsafe. Meaning I’ll die...Here I am, 43 years old still...” – Pete [33:03]

• On healing and sadness:
  “As you’re healing from these childhood wounds, you’re sort of growing further from your parents...but that can make the visits more excruciating.” – Val [46:35]

• On sadness as progress:
  “Sadness is the benchmark. It's the moment that you know you're actually doing it.” – Pete [50:20]

• Compassion via sadness:
  “Once sadness happens, there’s a softening, and that alchemizes the shame into compassion, which is the portal to everything.” – Val [50:42]

• On letting go:
  “Watch what happens...I didn’t really love my father until I realized I didn’t need or want anything from him. And I am—I’m not really there...” – Pete [53:46]

• Pete’s Trump/Walken Meditation:
  “Just close your eyes...Take a big breath...let it out with something you love. Money. Money. Just say money.” – Pete [71:03]
  “Now bury your wife at a golf course so you can write it off as a cemetery. That’s what he did.” – Pete [71:45]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [00:15]—Manic Energy Advisory, Pete’s Show Plugs
• [11:18–16:07]—Opening Banter, Fake Names, and Riffing
• [22:00–26:37]—Parent Visit Chaos & Retrograde Jokes
• [29:03–34:05]—Airport Pickup Story & Emotional Wounds
• [45:15–50:20]—Processing Emotional Wounds, Healing, and Sadness
• [53:46]—Rupert Spira on Parental Acceptance
• [61:48–67:06]—Comic Bits, Exercise Talk, Buffness for Emotional Safety
• [70:58–73:31]—Trump/Walken Guided Meditation Bit
• [74:00]—Meta-Commentary on Episode’s Emotional Arc

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Tone & Style

True to the trademark of "We Made It Weird," the episode blends heart, hilarious absurdity, and therapy-speak. The couple’s loving, unfiltered volley helps listeners feel less alone in their own weirdness, childhood wounds, and adult attempts at self-improvement. The tone swings comfortably between wild comedy sketches, real emotional disclosure, and wry meta-observation of their own antics.

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“Keep It Crispy!”

Transcript

[A]

You made it weird.

[B]

You made it weird.

[A]

You made it weird. Oh, yeah, you made it weird. Yes, you did. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[B]

What's happening, weirdos? Hold on to your butts for this.

[A]

One, right, Will, if you got that reference, you're a true weirdo.

[B]

True blue weirdo.

[A]

You're true blue. True blue.

[B]

I'm gonna sneeze, and I don't think I can wait. And you're burping.

[A]

This is a terrible intro. There it is. And. And, oh, if you're dog sensitive. Brody barks twice in this episode.

[B]

And, like, really loud.

[A]

Well, actually, for those of you, it's like seeing Maris. Like, remember on Frasier?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Could always be talking about Maris. I'm always talking about bless you. Pre bless. It's a pre. Blessed. It's a pre blast.

[B]

Sometimes when you give up, when somebody gives a pre bless, it totally takes the sneeze out of your nose.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Don't predict the future. When it comes to my nose.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When it comes.

[B]

It's like my. Like your. Your nose goes, don't see me.

[A]

And, yeah, it's the equivalent of freezing up at a ballpark urinal. But for everybody.

[B]

What's happening to me?

[A]

I'm sorry. This doesn't happen in the episode. Though I do want to say top of the episode. Deeply manic. Deeply, deeply manic. So if that overwhelms you, just jump 20 minutes ahead. Because it's a great episode and I cool out about 15, 20 minutes in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Maybe 10, 12, 20. Bless you.

[B]

Oh, this is terrible.

[A]

That's great. It's actually. It's hard for Foley artists to get wild sounds of true sneezes. So we'll be able to make quite a bit of cash. It's me. I'm going to do a bit of. At the end, there's actually the last. I'm going to say something crazy. The last 10 minutes of this podcast.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Primo.

[B]

I agree. I totally agree.

[A]

I did a bit that Val said was her favorite bit.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

In the whole 105, we have a special guest.

[B]

It's. It's Trump. It's your impression of Trump.

[A]

It's my impression of Trump that also does Christopher Walken. And it's.

[B]

It's really fun about the entire episode. We recap the whole.

[A]

And if you play this over the episode, it's a DVD commentary of it. But. But here's a couple things to plug up. Top. I'm going on tour, I believe Toronto, New Jersey, Atlantic City, New Jersey, and Boston are on sale right now. Go to PeteHomes.com we'll be adding North Carolina, Portland, Seattle, San Francisco. We're going to be adding Chicago. A full weekend in Chicago at a club. When those tickets are available, they'll be on PeterHolmes.com so depending on when you hear this and either keep an eye out or check now, they might be up because it would be great. Great, great to see you on that tour. I just wrote a note to myself. I was like, the point of the tour is to connect. I just want to connect to people. I want to make people laugh and be light. If I go out going like, I'm gonna kill, I'm gonna murder my. It's gonna be so fun. That's not right. I want to go in full open heart. Here's the jokes. Let's connect. Let's have a show that will never exist again just for us. Come to the tour. Come to the tour. PeteHomes.com and Largo is also once a month, I believe October 9th is the next one. And then after that is November 3rd, which will be a benefit for homeboy Industries. Super excited for that. Go to largo-la.com for tickets to those. And if you like the show, try a Pete's pick. Katie, run them. Pete's Picks. See you guys in two minutes. Try one of these products that I actually use and I actually love. Like our friends here at Ritual. I'm holding it up right here. This is their Synbiotic plus. This is their pre and pro and postbiotic. This is the first thing I do every morning is this is my ritual multivitamin. I take my multivitamin and I take my synbiotic plus pre, pro and postbiotic. Because, as you know, we talk about on the show a lot. Gut health is super, super important to me. It should be super important to you. Your gut is basically like a second brain. And gut health is so, so, so important. So you gotta ask yourself, does your probiotic contain clinically studied strains? Well, meet one that does. Ritual Synbiotic plus contains two of the world's most studied strains with over 350 publications of human clinical trials. I love starting my day with this, knowing that I'm doing my gut right and partnering it with my ritual multivitamin, knowing that both of these are going to have a delayed release, meaning it's not just going to be wasted in the stomach and burned up. It's going to break down in the colon, which is where you want these things to break down because that's where they can be absorbed and actually used by your body so it makes the components so clearly ritual. They're science back and research stacked especially when stacked up against the leading direct to consumer and top selling probiotics on the market. 3 to 1 clinically studied prebiotics, probiotics and a postbiotic to support a balanced gut microbiome. One daily minty. I love that they have a mint taste capsule for simple streamlined gut support and as I mentioned a delayed release which helps these things reach the colon not the stomach, the colon which is the ideal place for probiotics to to survive and to grow. Designed with moisture controlled bottle technology to protect the probiotic strains. But what I love about it is it does not need to be refrigerated. I just got this out of my cupboard, cupboard, cupboard. Symbiotic plus and Ritual are here to celebrate, not hide your insides. There's no more shame in your gut game. That's why Ritual is offering weirdos 10% off during your first three months. So visit ritual.com weird to start ritual or to add symbiotic plus to your subscription today. That's ritual.com weird to do your stomach right and to show your support of this show. Secondly we have Pym Chews. This is one of the newer Pete's picks but I have been using them for over a year. Pym, what does that mean? Prepare your mind. Pym Chews help you manage the feelings of stress, anxiety and overwhelm. For those of you that have been listening to we made it Weird. You know, I just had my brain scanned and I have issues with anxiety. Highly, highly active the anxiety centers of my brain. So I need all the help we can I can get. And most of us do. And it's wonderful to know that when you're feeling worried or stressed out or as Val and I like to say, you have a bee in your belly. You can just chew two of these delicious natural citrus flavored, no, no sugar added chews and literally guys, within minutes you start to feel more centered, calm and and in control. This is completely honest. When I first tried Pym Chews I think Val brought them home. I thought they were too good to be true. But after I tried them I calmed myself down. I felt more centered, more at peace. I immediately bought a subscription from my mom and for my brother because we share that DNA and I was so happy that anxiety and stress have a natural, non addictive and non psychoactive solution. I like taking it at the start of my day to ease me into whatever it is I'm doing. And I also take it at the end of the day as a wonderful way to wind down and relax away the stress of the day. I know so many of us sometimes turn to our vices at night. A Pym Chew will get you into that wonderful, safe, good feeling. But without that toxic bad after side after side. That's not a phrase. How does it work? Pym Chews are comprised of proven amino acid complexes and adaptogens that help support the brain and your body's ability to to organically support your ability to manage and tolerate stress, anxiety and overwhelm the. They are specifically formulated amino acids. They target your neurotransmitters, specifically the GABA system, a naturally occurring neurotransmitter that helps the body manage chronic stress. By supplying your body with gaba, L theanine and rhodiola, Pym is on a mission to end the stigma surrounding mental health and to make a better mood accessible to all. And a percentage of their profits 1% go towards mental health. Non profits including Bring Change to Mind is a gentle, effective and natural way to give your body the nutrition it needs to fight off stress. I am so happy to say it works. So go to. You can p y m.com weird for 15 off Pym mood choose and show your support of the show. That's you can pym.com weird for 15% off and show your support the show. Last but not least. You know I'm wearing them's my perfect jeans. As you know, I absolutely hate a hard pant. I don't understand how it's 20, 22 times are hard. Why are we wearing unforgiving, soft, hard shit pants? I'm going to call them what they are. Shit pants. Why don't we just start wearing comfortable soft pants? Well, the answer is they often don't look good. Well, enter the perfect jean. They are the best looking, the best fitting and the best feeling pants I have ever owned in my life. I wear them when I do TV tapings. I wear them to fancy premieres. They look great. I have them in black, I have them in blue and I have them in dark blue. And I swear by them. I wear them every single day. I don't put them on to record the ads. I'm always just wearing them and and they never wear out. I'm telling you guys, I've put them to the test. Forget the fact that they're stretchy and they're forgiving, that's awesome. But how about the fact that you can wear them every single day? And they don't get holes in them. Every pair of jeans I've ever had starts to develop a hole in the crotchal area. The perfect jean does not do that. They're the best pants I've ever owned. I would sleep. I have slept in them, if I'm being honest, and I would sleep in them every night if it was socially acceptable. They're made of premium stretch fabric. That's 2% spandex, 2.5% rayon. But no one needs to know. They look like designer jeans. They feel like PJs. Come on, everybody. This is some serious. I'm talking about. And they give you extra comfort and movement that your man parts require. These jeans stretch so your nuts ain't crushed there, thereby providing the only true home for your bone. So high quality, maximum durability, so soft, you're going to forget you're wearing pants. And best of all, they're not khakis. Your khakis. And spare your nuts. Wear the perfect gene for the perfectly imperfect men. Just 60 bucks. When you use code weirdo at checkout, liberate your lower limbs with the one and only perfect gene. Whether you're working with lemons or lentils, a three leaf clover, or a big old honkin eggplant, the perfect gene has you covered. Take a peek at ThePerfectGene NYC. That's ThePerfectGene NYC. And use code weirdo for 25% off at checkout. And try. Do your body, your lower half a favor and try the perfect gene and show your support of the show. All right.

[B]

We missed you.

[A]

We missed you during them. Go ahead, my love, get into it. Hell, yeah. Good evening, good afternoon, and good night.

[B]

My name is not opening your mouth.

[A]

Good evening, good afternoon, and good night. My name is Lip Smoke McNinty.

[B]

Okay, that's like.

[A]

That's like Rory. That's like Rory style. Oh, you're telling me Your name is McNinty?

[B]

Yeah. I really love it so much.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

It's just like getting mad about nothing is one of my favorite styles of comedy.

[A]

Well, then you're gonna love this relationship.

[B]

I do love this relationship. And have. For nine years.

[A]

Has it been that long?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Has it been that long?

[B]

Has it been that long?

[A]

Teacup back on saucer. Has it been that long?

[B]

But I look over at you and all of a sudden you have a tiny saucer.

[A]

Breedent.

[B]

Breedent.

[A]

And it's breedent.

[B]

Breedent.

[A]

Breedent. You're telling me if I had a saucer, it would be breedent?

[B]

Oh, that's not even a word.

[A]

That's not even a phrase. Face. It's too absurd.

[B]

Okay, let's get back together. Back together. I just put my Apollo on. Energy and wake up because I was feeling so good, so good this morning. Because we got. For the first time in as long as I can remember, for the first.

[A]

Time in a long time, we got.

[B]

Like, a full night. A full uninterrupted night sleep. And I was, like, awake and interested in life and ready to engage.

[A]

McNTY.

[B]

I was McNTY. And I was breeding.

[A]

That was breeding McNty. Oh, my God. There it is. My name is Brident McNinty.

[B]

That is one of the best names. It's a great fake name. Brident Bradent McMinty is one of my favorite fake names ever.

[A]

Breedant. Imagine it on key and Peele. Breeding McNinty.

[B]

Oh, my God. That's exactly one of the ones.

[A]

Brident McNinty is a great.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Welcome to the mother party, y'. All. It's me, Kid Rock.

[B]

No. I'm leaving this party. Oh, no.

[A]

Red pants, tank top, white tank top, greasy.

[B]

Long hair, greasy.

[A]

It's not greasy. It's green.

[B]

It's greasy.

[A]

And then it's hidden under a bowler cap. Like a red velvet bowler cap and wraparound Oakley's.

[B]

No, it's a cowboy hat, right?

[A]

No. He wears, like, gentlemen's fedoras that are, like, red. He doesn't wear cowboy hats.

[B]

Prove it. Prove it.

[A]

Like an algebra proof. Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A equals red hat.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I just start barfing.

[B]

Honestly, I kind of remember what algebra proofs look like.

[A]

Proves. Proves it's underproof.

[B]

It really was the bane of my existence.

[A]

Well, it's the brain of yours.

[B]

Oh, my God. And now you are.

[A]

No, I do my hair toss, check my nails. Baby, how you feeling? Feeling underappreciated.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

It's a funny way to tell someone you feel underappreciated.

[B]

Appreciate.

[A]

Baby, I feel a little overlooked.

[B]

I think you're kind of.

[A]

That's a funny bit.

[B]

It's a great bit.

[A]

I mean, like, for life. Like, if you have something you need to share, put it in a Lizzo. Put it in a Lizzo. The greatest Lizzo.

[B]

I also like the idea of, like, you're kind of annoyed that you have to go through the whole song to get to it. You're like, look, I do my hair toss, check my nails. Baby, how you feeling? I'm feeling a little used.

[A]

Honestly, Jacob, I'm feeling a little huge.

[B]

It's like you could just tell me. You don't have to go through the whole Lizzo song.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Who knows?

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Brody. Brody.

[A]

Oh, everybody gets to hear Brody. What? Scares the hell out of me. Five, six, seven, eight times a day. Five, six, seven, eight. Every day.

[B]

I'm so sorry if that terrified any of you.

[A]

Scared the fuck out of me.

[B]

That is what we're living with and there is a there just a shock.

[A]

Of 9 volt terror.

[B]

I love Brody, but it. I even I have a little satisfaction that everybody is hearing exactly what we live with. Like this is well for all the.

[A]

Plan and I do.

[B]

He'll do it any at any moment to do. You are speaking in riddles.

[A]

Yeah, I'm having a hard time.

[B]

You're too much.

[A]

I'm gonna say my parents are in town right now.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

My parents are in town.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. Go on. I'm gonna be cool now. I'm gonna show you that I can control this.

[B]

Okay. I have my doubts, but I'm ready to be surprised.

[A]

When it's appropriate. I'll tell you all of the bits that I'm suppressing right now. One of them is a song called I have my doubts.

[B]

Okay. Okay. I definitely think that you don't have to tell me. All of them.

[A]

That is truly great. Really truly great. I mean like unexpected and still in that classic Valerie. Like really, like, that is so.

[B]

This is what feels good when you are manic and you turn the mania machine towards you.

[A]

Complimenting me. All right, I'll keep it in.

[B]

That really is so nice. It's like I want everybody to feel that to get to have a manic Pete compliment.

[A]

This is what I'm dealing with. My mania points back to me and I'm like, this is my best friend.

[B]

Yeah. And everything he says is pure gold and needs to be heard.

[A]

Golden ticket. Hershey chocolate.

[B]

Well, don't look to me like I have something to say because at this point, I have no idea what threads we were on. We've.

[A]

Would you like to hear them in alphabetical?

[B]

No.

[A]

Would you like to hear them?

[B]

Let them all go.

[A]

Okay. Yeah. Let them all go.

[B]

Your parents are in town. So that's why.

[A]

What were you gonna say? You had something.

[B]

I don't think so.

[A]

So you did something that I don't care for. I'm gonna voice it for you to choice it. Okay. Before we were recording, you started saying things that aren't for the podcast. And then I'm like, don't do this.

[B]

God.

[A]

It's. Because everything that's said in the. In these chair. In these hallowed chairs becomes the buffalo that we may use every part of.

[B]

Sure, sure.

[A]

But then you're like, but not this. Last night someone told us about an electrical device they put in their dick hole for prostate stimuli pleasure. And no one will know that we didn't talk about that.

[B]

Okay, wait a minute. So this. Just so I'm clear on the rules here. Before anytime, like, if we're. If we're. Before. If we're in the, like pre recording moments, but we're standing in the kitchen, I can tell you these things. But if sitting in these chairs, I can't.

[A]

In these chairs, the L top is open laptop. The mics are extended. Blue microphone dot com. Weird. I know, it's. It's a mess up here. Let's keep it clean. Let's keep it crispy. Oh, no. It's over. It's over. It was. It was a seven minute episode. I fucked up. I up. Real question. How many times has someone accidentally said their safe word, like they're having the best sex of their life and they go like, oh, sledgehammer. And then they're like, all right. And you're like, I was about to. And then they can't get back there.

[B]

I don't know. I really do wonder about, like, the actual use of safe words. I mean, I know it's. It's like a real good thing, but, like, I want to know what everybody who has a safe word, I want to know what their word is. I really want to know.

[A]

This is an old bit of mine, but my safe word is, as you know. You call that fucking. Okay, I. I have a real one, a real question about safe words.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

Safe words.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

It'll be over soon. Like, this is gonna find a cruising elk.

[B]

I feel like already my brain was just kind of like droopy eggs. And you just like came in with a beater and you've scrambled them all up and somehow that's worse.

[A]

Oh, man.

[B]

No, I'm enjoying.

[A]

I do feel like a Ren and Stimpy or a spongebob.

[B]

Like a boy. That's what's happening here.

[A]

Like, I'm like, maybe I have some nickels. Boink. Extreme close up on the nickels. And then it's what? President's on the nickel. Who is that? Who is that? No one knows. You don't know who's on the nickel?

[B]

No.

[A]

No idea.

[B]

But guess what?

[A]

No one listening knows.

[B]

I don't know that many of them. So, like, let's go through them.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Penny.

[A]

Penny. Lincoln. What? What?

[B]

Nickel. Don't know Dime.

[A]

Don't know Dime is Eisenhower.

[B]

Oh, my God. We're doing half.

[A]

We're doing no brands. Diamond. Eisenhower.

[B]

Definitely not.

[A]

It's. Wait, Truman.

[B]

Really? That isn't that kind of recent, like the 50s?

[A]

Well, dimes are new. I think up until a certain point, all of the coins just had vegetation on them. It's like, give me a rose for three. For three pine cones. You so br. Come here. Come here. Ass, ass, ass. I'm sorry, guys, I'm not.

[B]

Oh, bye. Thank you so much. Bye.

[A]

Thank you. Who are we saying? I'm just kidding. I know who it is. Brody, please be cool. My baby.

[B]

He will, now that they're leaving. Oh, it's okay. Just. You can leave it. It's fine.

[A]

Welcome. This is. This isn't a podcast. This is just a live feed from, like, an Alexa they left in our house. You've hacked into our Alexa and you're just hearing Val's now just leaving?

[B]

No. Okay.

[A]

Val's back.

[B]

Okay, like, can we just say for a minute, this is exactly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What it has felt like the last few days, especially yesterday. Like, I. I don't know if it's retrograde or whatever, but, like, it's been, like, chaos in this exact fashion. Like, you're grooving along, and then one thing happens, and then something else happens while you're still dealing with that first thing that's going on.

[A]

This will have some semblance of podcasts because I heard what you said. I've calmly digested it. Boink. Doink. Zoomed in. There's, like, used dental floss and a Q tip. The Q tip's not used, though. It's very clean. Jesus Christ.

[B]

Next level.

[A]

Jesus help us. Jesus help us. I heard what you said. To your point, is it Mercury in retrograde? What's going on? Yeah, because my parents. My. Do your peas off, Mike. My parents are in town because they pops on the bike. My. My parents. My parents are in. My parents are in town. Do them off, Mike.

[B]

I see it.

[A]

You're going to pee. You're going to pee my. My pee rip. It's going to be.

[B]

I'm. I'm going to pee my.

[A]

I'm. You're going to pee your pants. You're going to soak your panties with pee pee.

[B]

You're like.

[A]

I'm really lashing away.

[B]

You're. You're doing it off, like. And you're saying it harder, so I.

[A]

Think it all evens out. Yeah, it all comes in with the wash. Okay, this is.

[B]

Forget it.

[A]

We're not. We're not releasing this.

[B]

I really think we can't. This is going to make everybody feel like they're on some bad DMT trip.

[A]

Well, okay, here's a warning to everyone just Joining us. Skip 12 minutes.

[B]

Joining us.

[A]

And I'm telling them to skip the.

[B]

12 minutes because there's probably 12 more minutes of this and then we'll actually have something coherent.

[A]

I was right. I was right. They should skip 12. Okay, look, I do feel like we're the two college BFGFs that broke into the radio station and, like, just took over the airwaves. But I'm gonna say something crazy. We had the 4am to the 6am shift, the worst shift, but, like, it grows like a cult following.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And people are like, I really like that brand of insanity.

[B]

Like, this episode is gonna. We're for sure gonna lose listeners.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

But we'll get a cult following of people who remain. Yeah.

[A]

Will be like, we love Doctor who. We love UHF the movie. What are other cult things? We love the Wendy Williams Show.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

We love Tron. Not the original, only the remake.

[B]

We live Dune the original, though, not the remake.

[A]

Dune the book. And we bond over how we hate all the Dune attempts.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, here. I'm calm.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

We'll do our breath. By the way, did that before having dinner with my parents. It still went terrible, but I felt great.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. It really helped you. It did change the channel.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, yeah, we were talking about how that's the story, so things were chaotic. Like, for. It started with the fact that I think on Tuesday, so Leela's been sick, and you just kind of get stuck in this, like, tunnel of taking care of a toddler and being home with a tunnel. Do your tees off my.

[A]

Do your tees off my tunnel of taking care of a toddler.

[B]

And. And then, like, on Tuesday, we realized. Wait, your parents are coming home?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Are coming here usually tomorrow.

[A]

There's like, the. The slaughtering of the leanest calf. There's all this, like, preparation, knowing my folks are gonna be here. There's like, prayers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's overeating.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's reverse saging. That's where you. You take burning sage and you reassemble it into the full plant and you.

[B]

You blow it out and you.

[A]

Yeah, you inhale it and the plant comes back. But this one really snuck up on us. So my parents usually on their first day, they usually. It's a travel day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we don't really plan much with them. And they're gonna come in at like 6, 7. They're gonna be tired at most. We'll meet them and take them to their hotel, whatever. And it's good night. Because they're old AF and they're tired af check. I text my mom, mom, what did I say? I said, mom, what time?

[B]

Mom.

[A]

Mother. Sometimes I do write mother. It's just a fuck with her. I'll go, mother, what. What time is your flight get in tomorrow? She writes, 12:11. And I'm like, well, it's a connecting flight. So I'm like, what time is. Do you arrive here, though?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She said 12:11. And I'm like, it begins. It's like when some. It's like when. It's like, Gandalf should have been there with his staff and gone. It begins, you know, like, that's. It's here. The Valkor is here.

[B]

Like, winter isn't coming. It's here.

[A]

Yeah, Winter is not coming. There's no one saying winter's coming. You just look at the thermostat. It's set to 80, yet it's negative 20 in the house. The winter's here, bitch.

[B]

It's here. It's here.

[A]

Winter's here, bitch. Sounds like a Lizzo song.

[B]

Maybe a Lizzo line.

[A]

A Lizzo line. Yeah.

[B]

She's not going to title a song that.

[A]

No. Because it's winner. Okay. So I go, well, that's the middle of the day. I had several things planned. Many things. I'm not going to go into that. But.

[B]

It really is like when you say, see a big dog showing restraint, like, it's so excited because you're like holding a treat on its nose and it's just really trying to not eat the tree.

[A]

Yeah, that's me.

[B]

That's what I just saw you do just now. You wanted to go into that.

[A]

I'm gonna try real hard, guys. I'm gonna be like a journalist.

[B]

And you do just keep kind of like a kid. Like you're trying to be serious.

[A]

And you keep going like, this is it. And peas come up. There's one. It's pure joy. I hope. I hope it's infectious. And I hope you're just juggling along in your Juggalo van, everybody. So.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

So I go, okay. I said, devel, what do I do? There are things I can't cancel or move.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we're. And then it hit me. I was like, okay, just send a Car service. I don't want to do this, but this is a solution. And I was like, it's worth no stress. Because by the way, a car service, the airport, big mistake. Costs way too much money.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I was like, this is a solution. It'll be a nice way to greet my parents. And here begins our analysis of why hanging with my parents can be so difficult. Even though I'm gonna say something crazy, they're not actually that difficult. There's just so much conflict between what I want and what is happening.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That it's heartbreaking and it's difficult and it's stressful. And it began with me going, I'm going to have them picked up in style. Someone. And I told them, I was like, they need. These are old people. They need to. The driver needs to be in the airport with a sign with a big ass font that says Holmes and meet them in there, help them with the bags, get them to the car. They can't do shit. My mom's not very mobile these days. My father's not very T mobile either. Okay. So I, I stressed all of this. Come, come to the. Come to the day. Why do I feel like this tape is going to be played in an insane asylum one day to a doctor.

[B]

We should give this to the people who are scanning my brain, analyzing your brain.

[A]

Be like, I'm seeing an overactive samique a little bit.

[B]

That's like the word.

[A]

That's what it sounds like to me. So what could go wrong? You're paying top dollar.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Tell them, greet them.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

By the way, it's a small ass airport.

[B]

It's the tiniest little airport.

[A]

I go to this airport for leisure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You go through security at the Santa Barbara airport and you're like, may I have another?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's so fun. It's a, it's, it's like a Spanish mission that just happens to have a JetBlue in it. It's fucking weird.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I'm like, they're gonna love it. What goes wrong? Well, they're an hour late. That's fine. Car companies have the flight info, so they can see that it's late. That shouldn't be an issue. They land, I get a text from my dad. Yeah. And I go, they didn't reply to the other text that I said I won't be able to be there. They just didn't reply to that. So I go, well, just when you get to baggage claim, look for the driver K. My dad always replies just the letter K. Yeah. Which for some reason, makes me want to burn down a medieval village.

[B]

Yeah. Sometimes my mom will accidentally do l that I love. Yeah, it's pretty cute.

[A]

Are they near each other? Yeah, they're next to each other.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So then I'm calling the company going, is the driver there? Is the driver there? Long story short, the driver left. I can't even. The driver was calling my dad, but my dad's phone, for work purposes, was forwarding to some guy in Boston. So the car company looking for my dad is calling Boston.

[B]

But it's not just some guy. It's like your dad.

[A]

It's my dad's number one guy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And he's going like, Mr. Holmes, we're here at the airport looking for you. And it's like, hey, thanks a lot. How's it going? It's just like another one of my dads. He's like, oh, I don't know. Jay's not. So there is. Listen to me now. No way to call my dad.

[B]

No way to get a hold of him.

[A]

Call him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's no way to put these people in touch. I'm texting. I'm getting no replies. The driver leaves.

[B]

You're texting, and he's getting. He's replying to, like, the la. The other text. So it was something like.

[A]

It's.

[B]

The driver's on, it's on his way, and he's like, we're taking a cab. It's like you keep missing each other.

[A]

He's replying to two texts previous. I'm replying to two imagine texts in the future. So it's just like pure insanity. It's not even really worth mentioning then. Meaning it just started. I guess this is what makes it worth mentioning on a. We made it weird. It was so disproportionately stressful. As we're telling the story, I'm like, it's kind of funny. Just like the guy at Eckhart Tolle that I thought about him again. I was like, should have been nice to that guy. I should have talked to that guy. What was my problem? Even as I'm telling a story, it doesn't seem that bad, but you're immediately in your child self and you go, I need to take care of them. This is like a real wound belief. If I don't take care of my parents and make sure their needs are met, everything falls apart and I'm completely unsafe. Meaning I'll die. Meaning they'll fight, the whole night goes goofy, and I'll fear for my life. Even though there was never any physical. Nothing like that. But my child self doesn't know that. And here I am, 43 years old still. I mean, I put my hands. I put my face in my hands, and I wasn't weeping, but I would have loved to. And I was just like. Like locking up. Freezing up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then they get in. This is what I said to some friends at school today when we dropped Leela off. I was like, the feeling of my parents being in town is rushing to be on time to something you don't want to go to.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And we had a really rough dinner. You weren't. Leila was there. She's been having a fever. But then let's cut to the. Let's cut to the quick, as they say today. And this is what makes parents so complicated. After, like, a really rocky road, really bad first day, a bad ice cream. I'm gonna say it. And a bad first day. Then we went.

[B]

Rocky road is delicious, but okay, I.

[A]

Bet I'd like it now. But as a kid, I was like, this is too much. I don't know.

[B]

This is too much.

[A]

Yeah, this is too much.

[B]

There's something kind of sad about that.

[A]

This is overwhelming to me.

[B]

Too much of a good thing. I don't deserve it. Chocolate and marshmallow.

[A]

Well, I'll say this. I wasn't a fan of marshmallows until I turned, like, 35.

[B]

You mentioned. You mentioned this yesterday, actually. We talk about marshmallows a lot in this house. In this house. Oh, we're a s' mores family.

[A]

Ladies and gentlemen, before dinner. Family.

[B]

Yep. S' more dinner. S' mores.

[A]

S' mores than dinner. Besmore dinner.

[B]

Besmore dinner.

[A]

Besmore dinner. We'll have a s' mores before dinner, but. And now I've learned to appreciate a marshmallow. This is one.

[B]

This is the tangent we want to go on.

[A]

Yeah. As I opened this room going, oh, we'll talk about marshmallows. And I opened the door, and all it was was me going, and now I can appreciate a marshmallow. And I'm like, oh, what's closest? Oh, sorry for disturbing you. I didn't mean to open that door. Anyway, here's what's. Chunky, funky monkey.

[B]

Great ice cream. I don't like chocolate and banana. I. I'm gonna say it.

[A]

Look, it's just a recording of two people having a great time. I. Every time I listen to some other podcast, I'm like, I'd rather listen to this so I'm just saying this is for me and that's all you can do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Here's so just as upset I get when things go badly. Car service. When we do have a good breakfast, and I bet we could listen to other podcasts where my parents are visiting, I probably say something very similar. That first breakfast, usually pretty good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And like, this one was as good as it gets.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Leela wasn't there, which helps because I get so super protective of Leela. Just energetically any. And don't touch the feet and the face.

[B]

And it's kind of necessary because we have like, sort of people who have toxic energy and no boundaries.

[A]

Well, Lila will be crying and having like a thing. And that's when my dad will be like, how many coochie coos around the back of the double? I'm like, dad, is this. Is this a good moment? She's.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where. Where are you? Because my guess is the spectrum. Where are you right now? Is it on? I don't even think my dad's on the spectrum. But like, not being able to read that cue is. Is a strange. Or maybe just doesn't care.

[B]

Yeah. And it is. I mean, I do think she is incredibly intuitive and she picks up on the tension.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And even like yesterday, and I don't think we were at fault in any way. I don't think we did anything wrong. But like, yesterday there was a good period of time where she wanted us to play with her. And you and I were not frantically, but we were sort of like, our stress about them coming was manifesting in us getting the house ready for them. And so I was like, I'm. I'm trying to clean the house. I need, you know, and. And then you were having to deal with this, getting the texts that they aren't with the driver. And you were getting more stressed out. And so she was definitely like, wait, what just happened to my family?

[A]

Like, that's usually the guy that puts his pajamas on his head and rolls around like. And now he's going like, I. There's no. Oh, and by the way, my mom just didn't bring her phone.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's more. I go, mom, why didn't you bring her phone? And she goes, because we left at 3:30 in the morning. Like, she found a way to blame me that they picked the earliest. I'm like, I didn't want you to come at noon.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then we go to meet them at dinner. This is essential. It's the most beautiful outdoor restaurant.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Rolling hills, mountains Trees. And the weather was perfect. So I get there, and I'm looking for them outside. They're inside. Inside. Looks like inside.

[B]

Like a dark.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Pub.

[A]

It's a dark pub. It looks like an Ivy League library.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like a study room. It's so dark. It's the worst. I go in, they're sitting there. I sit down. I'm like, hey, what's going on? I'm trying to be like, don't. Don't shame them. But be like, I thought maybe we'd sit outside. It's so beautiful. And my mom. No. No exaggeration.

[B]

Yeah. I attest to this.

[A]

You be me.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Say, I'm Irina. You say, why? Say in the nicest possible way, why are you guys inside?

[B]

Why are you guys sitting inside? I was doing a low.

[A]

A low voice.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, by the way, I'm gonna be my mom and my dad. You'll know which one. Ch.

[B]

Why are you guys sitting inside?

[A]

And then I go, was it. Were you in the sun? No, we weren't.

[B]

She is a soft talker.

[A]

And I go, mom, what are you saying? What are you saying? Let me speak. And then I go, speak up. And then she, like, changes her posture. She doesn't speak up or get closer. She just kind of contorts her back and goes. And when I said, what, are you crazy? I can't. And then. And then my dad in the near distance at the same table goes just like, this is what I have to deal with all day. And quite.

[B]

True.

[A]

1. I still don't know why they were inside.

[B]

Yeah. No. One is way too loud, and the other is way too quiet.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

They can't get the volume right.

[A]

People outside were like, what does he have to deal with? And I'm five inches from her, and I'm like, what is this?

[B]

I.

[A]

What is this?

[B]

I did actually look at you at one point in breakfast, during breakfast, because I was talking to her, and I was sitting as close as I could, and I was still leaning in and having to go, wait, what was the last part? Can you repeat? Like, I just. It really.

[A]

It's like Venus fly trap. It's like how they get the flies there.

[B]

That's exactly.

[A]

I'm a delicious plate. Maybe you want to come. And the flies, like, what are you saying? What?

[B]

It's starting to. Look at. It's starting to sound a little bit like. And you took my stapler.

[A]

It is. Which is crazy because I was just watching no country for Old Men, and he's in that.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Yeah. At a desk. You wait for it with a stapler.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

I don't think there's a staple.

[B]

Burn the whole building down.

[A]

What a shame. That, that. Well, who cares? He doesn't care. But he's in so many great things and you're just like, hey, Melvin, where's your stapler? Thank you. Thank you very much.

[B]

He shouldn't have been so good in that movie. Movie.

[A]

Yeah, true dab. All right, let's come back after the mid rolls and then we'll, we'll close this, we'll close this out. We'll continue this out with at least 30 more magical minutes. And what are we going to talk about? What's the tease?

[B]

Well, we have to finish. You're like in the middle of a story, I think right now.

[A]

Well, yeah.

[B]

How bad the dinner was and I'm gonna.

[A]

Yeah. When we come back, let's talk about that great breakfast. And this is for real. This is why parents are so complicated. Because it's not just and, and complaints about the flight and all that stuff. Sometimes it's this breakfast. And this is the toxic cocktail that keeps wounded adult children like you and me constantly in agony. When we come back. Pardon the interruption, weirdos. This episode is brought to us by Raycon wireless earbuds. Something that I just discovered and I have been loving them. I've been listening to a lot of audiobooks sitting in the old backyard. I've been listening to Tribe for those of you that have been hearing me quote that book so much. And I've been listening to tons and tons of music and it's been great. One of the reasons it's been great is because I listen to all this stuff on my Raycon. Raycon wireless earbuds. Raycon's everyday earbuds look, feel and sound better than ever with optimized gel tips. I love the gel. The gel tips for the perfect in ear fit. These earbuds are so comfortable and they will not budge. Trust me. I wear them on my treadmill. I like to walk. I do sometimes run either way. Sometimes run either way. These earbuds are staying in place. Plus Raycon gives you eight hours of playtime and a third 32 hour battery life. I never have to worry if they are charged. Raycons are also priced just right. You get quality audio at half the price of other premium audio brands. Which I'm really happy to share with you guys. It's no wonder. Raycon's everyday earbuds have over 50,000 five star reviews. They have three customizable sound profiles, earbud tap functions, noise isolation. They are truly, truly incredible. I love putting them in, knowing that they're going to stay place, stay in place, knowing that they're not going to make my ears sore because I often wear them for hours on end. They stay in, they stay comfortable, they look great, and on top of all of that, they are affordable. So go to buyraycon r a y c o n buyraycon.com today and use code weirdof15 to get 15% off your Raycon order. That's code [e-mail] to score 15% off by raycon.com code weirdo15. All right, let's get back to it. And we're back. My name is Peter Holmes. I'm a journalist, and I'm telling a story clearly, coherently, and with vivaciousness. This morning, we get there, and because there was no Leela, it was just, you never know which ones you're gonna get with my folks. And we got the ones that we paired off nicely. Like, you were with my mom. I was with my dad. My dad was actually. Not to be so surprised, but he was, like, saying things that were applicable, and he actually gave me advice. It was a nice moment. He gave me some advice, and I was like, just exactly what he wants. He wants to be relevant.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I want to be treated as an adult. He gave me advice about adult stuff, and I was like, thanks, dad. That's really. That's great. That I appreciate that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I got to be like, hey, the fact that we moved out of the city has a lot to do with the fact that you moved us out of Boston. And, like, this is this. This wouldn't have happened without you. So buttering his bread, but in a real way with real butter. Right at the end of the breakfast, he gave me, like, the biggest hug, and it was like, you're the best, Peter. You're the best. And that's why the sadness of the car and that first dinner, that was a swing in a mess. I'm not like, this is Manic Pete talking. I'm not even going to bore y' all with the details of that first dinner. Just know catastrophe. Peter, what's the square footage of a parking spot here in Ohio? Like, like, you just. You just like, what is. Who's the mayor's brother here? And it's at the same time. And Leela's crying. That's the first dinner. And then all of this sadness. This is my good Valerie's work on me. And what you've helped me with so much sadness. Tell the people what you said about the more work you do sometimes the harder it is to deal with the things that can incite us.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, you pretty much said it. That's like being like, tell the joke where the guy was, and you tell the whole joke.

[A]

Tell the one, but he says, fuck you.

[B]

Yeah. No, no, no. That. That's it. And I've. I've found this. My therapist told me this, but I've. I've found this to be true for me as well, even though now I've kind of come back around. But as you're healing from these childhood wounds, you're sort of growing further from your parents in a really good and healthy way. But that can make the visits more excruciating to go back.

[A]

And every day you might just uncover less familiar feelings. Like, I didn't associate sadness exactly. It used to just be anger and frustration. And now you and I, a lot of it on this podcast, have done this deep digging, and now when I'm with them, I'm, like, really sad.

[B]

And we've.

[A]

I got on the peloton, and I was, like, crying because the physical movement and the music was too overwhelming. And I was like, it was great.

[B]

So good.

[A]

Peloton.com weird for 10% added to your order. Okay, go on.

[B]

But yeah, it's sadness. I've mentioned this on the podcast, too, but it is usually like, when you sit with a feeling, you know, anger, fear, whatever, eventually it will get down to sadness. And that is sort of the turn that. Because at that moment, you're accepting reality as it is and grieving it. And so that's a really important feeling. And it shows progress that now you're just feeling sad when they're there. Like, the defenses are down where you're sort of just. That's really good. And I remember having moments. And again, I'm in a really good place with my parents right now, but I remember there being moments like us, one specific trip where we drove away from visiting them, and I just, like, sobbed the whole time. And it. And it really was just this letting go of what you wish, who you wish they were, what you wish the relationship was. And what's nice is often the next step is then finding a new relationship, finding what it actually is and finding joy in that.

[A]

But, you know, you've crossed that first step off your step list. I don't know. When you're sad, when you're sad. This is actually. I actually. I think this is brilliant and really interesting. I know we've said on the podcast before, I got it from Father Greg, but he goes like, anger is pain misunderstood or something, or misinterpreted or. Oh, no, anger is pain turned inside out, which is perfect because pain is going in and punching you, and you're like, I'm gonna punch someone else. And, like, get angry. And I think sadness is the weird purple pool that just, like, floods you. But you're helping me realize, and you helped me realize through this, that. That actually, like, when you say, like, you just gotta accept them for who they are. Well, have you mourned that?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did that break your heart? Otherwise, you're just saying, like, the universe is one thing, but are you enlightened? Like, have you let that into your. Every cell of your body? Have you dared to let this horrible dragon come in and eat up all of those packages that you think are filled with the potential of a better or a different future? And he gobbles them up and farts them out with flames? Like, that's. Sadness is the benchmark. It's the moment that you know you're actually doing it.

[B]

But absolutely 100%, that's what you taught me. I love all of that. And it is a. It's a secret portal. Like, that is where sadness is, where what? You know, the. The loss and the feeling in all of your defenses that you built up, all of that alchemizes. This is what I told you this morning.

[A]

It.

[B]

Usually there's shame around this feeling, like why I. Or. Or the feeling of this shouldn't be, this situation shouldn't be, and my feelings about this situation shouldn't be. So there's shame, there's guilt, there's resistance. And once sadness happens, there's a softening and a surrendering, and that alchemizes the shame into compassion, which is the portal to everything. So that's. That. You know, it's a cliche, but it's a cliche for a reason. It's your heart breaking, but your heart breaking open. And that's that really sweet spot where the sadness doesn't necessarily go away, but there's such a sweetness to it. It. Like, it gets a different dimension of flavor to it where you're like, wait, I'm. I'm okay with this. This is actually profound. This is gorgeous. And then you're. That can lead to feeling real. Real compassion for yourself, real compassion for others, and this sort of unity with everything. I mean, it really is where the juice is. As my boy Likes to say, where is the juice? We. We's in the juice.

[A]

Loved it. Yeah. Val, that's. That's really great stuff. I. I did as I am wonton do.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I went to a Chinese restaurant. As I'm wanting to do.

[B]

As I'm wanton to do. Oh, my God. That's. That's like. That's it. That's as sophisticated as my sense of humor is. I love that. I think that's so funny.

[A]

Yeah. Silly billies.

[B]

Silly billies.

[A]

But as I want to do, I typed in Rupert Spira, parents, and there's a good. A great video that he has on parents. And I can summarize it very quickly for y', all, although I think it's very powerful to watch him do it because he does it very slowly and. And beautifully. But it was good for the refresher. He was like, your parents aren't responsible for how they are. He's like, usually we're mad at our parents for how they were or how they weren't to us, but what you need to realize and really ingest. They would say, grok. Like, really become what we're saying. Your parents are only the way they are because of what their parents did or didn't do for them. So it's this very unsatisfying to the ego thing, where you go, like, there actually is no personal responsibility. And when you first say that, even when I first say that, I go, like, I don't want to live in that world. Like, you gotta have agency. You gotta change. Like, fucking snap out of it. I've snapped out of it. Yeah. Yes and no. Like, Pete snapped out of it in the ways that were allowed to him by the way he was raised and.

[B]

The resources that he had that also they didn't have.

[A]

And then in hindsight, I look back and I'm like, I pulled myself up by my bootstraps, and it's like, I don't know, man. Like, there were a billion things at play that had nothing to do with my willing a change. And so you let your parents off the hook. But then the second thing he says, and this is what you were just saying maybe a minute ago was like, don't beat yourself up. Because if you. This is what he says to the person, he goes, if you don't love your parents in the way that you would like to, that you wish you could, he goes, let go of that desire. Just let it be what it actually is. Soften and just surrender. That's what the sadness is. And Watch what happens. This third one I couldn't really do. He goes, I. He goes, I didn't really love my father until I realized I didn't need or want anything from him. And I am. I'm not really there because we brought him to Ojai, really want him to like Ojai. And today when he was like, it's so beautiful here, it's unbelievable, I was like, I'm a little boy with my pinwheel spin. And my dad said he likes where I've been living. I want to go and hug him now and tell him he's the king of my heart. King of my heart. King of my heart. He's the king of my heart. And I stand on his shoulders and he takes me to the hot dog place. That's what I call Fenway Park. I don't care about the baseball game, just the hot dogs and the ice cream goats. He's the king of my heart. I'm not there. And when my mom goes. When my mom wilts, the fences go down and I see her and you having a great conversation about whatever it may have been. I'm like, this is it. It's what father Greg Boyle, in his books is always talking about kinship and connection and like, I fucking for real, like, all of this. That could be true or. Man, my parents are a pain in the neck. It comes from a place of I want to connect and. And when we do, King of my heart, it's so sweet. And when we don't, I go, literally, I'm just like, well, I'm gonna jump in this pool and hope I don't come out. Not. Not really. I don't mean to make light of that sort of thing, but it is a despair. It's a. It's a. That joke feels right. It's so dark.

[B]

Yeah, it's.

[A]

It's a little exaggeration, but you really just want to vanish.

[B]

Yeah, absolutely. And, you know, the only thing I can think of for. As a way to relate to that not needing your parents is it really does help with parents to do, especially where there's any sort of trauma, to do child self work and to kind of separate that. So you're. The need for your dad to be the king of your heart and take you to the hot dog place. Like all of that, that's the voice of your child self, which is. Is still very much alive in all of us. And you can talk to that part of you, and then just by talking to that part of you, you're entering your Adult self.

[A]

That's right. You're putting that perspective. And you say beautiful things like, I will take you to a safe place. I've got you now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you also said, can I allow this?

[B]

And when you said that, can I be with this?

[A]

Can I be with this? So I was feeling real compression, like I was being squished. And you went, can I be with this? And when you just. When you said, ask yourself, can I be with this? I felt it like a cloud lift. It was still there, but it lifted off of me. And I was like, I can be with this. Okay. It was crazy.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Can I. What am I feeling in my body? Can I be with this? What am I feeling now in my body? Can I be with this? I mean, just doing that over and over is such a profound practice.

[A]

I've been doing so much work on myself. I've. I'm actually in violation of child self labor laws. You can really only make your child self work like two, three hours a day. And then it has to go to a tutor for a while, then it can come back and close out. It's great. If you have twins. Like if you have a Mary Kate Ashley Olsen inner child, that's great because one can take a break, then the other one finishes the scene. No one will know. No one know. One looks a little different, a little sleepier. Let's be honest, Mary Kay Little sleep here.

[B]

Yeah. Well, I mean, there is actually some kind of truth to that because it is really.

[A]

Yeah. You have to.

[B]

You do need to rest every once in a while and let your child self rest. But there is, you know, I think your adult self doesn't need anything from your dad. And I do think you can get in touch with that. But your child self will always need. Always. No matter what you do, your child self will need your parents. And that will also always be a part of you. So there's no. It's just. Which one are you currently identified with? And the way to identify with the adult self is to love the child self is to say, and then you're an adult. I mean, my parents are coming too. And I really. And I know they will because they're so good at this. But I'm so excited for my dad to see this house and this property and, like, be excited about how beautiful it is. Like, I want that too. And I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting it. It's helpful because I will get it a little bit. But I think there's. Even if it was If I was like, well, he's not gonna actually like it or whatever. The feeling is just starting by going, of course you want that. Like, to your child self. Yeah. You want, you want your parents to think. To know you're okay. To think you did a good job. To think you're. You're being a good girl, you know? And of course you want that.

[A]

It's interesting. I've been, you know, I love Byron, Katie, and the work, big time. And I've been doing it. I'll be like my father, only my father is constantly repeating himself. And you do the turnaround. You're like, like you're always repeating yourself. And I'm like, yeah, like, that's definitely true.

[B]

Yeah. But it's because of him.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. But lately I've been having so much more. I do both. I am doing the work. I do the work when my parents are here. I do the work before they're here. So there was that prep, and I'll continue to do it. And I love it, and I swear by it. There's something about mixing it up with the gentle Valerie and Janie approach, which is like, of course that. That's what you want. Even Rupert Spiro being like, I realized I love my father because I don't need anything from him. And, you know, I love Rupert.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I'm also like, that sounds great. Hashtag life goals.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I would love to eviscerate the belief. I need my father to understand me. Is that true? No, I don't need my father to understand. Understand me. I need to understand myself or I need to understand my father. Okay, that's. That's true. I. I actually even my fake example or my example felt good to do. That's the work.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It also feels good to go like sweet baby flapjacks.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You are in your footy pajamas. Star wars, like, original Star wars footy pajamas. And dad is making scrambled eggs. And you really want them to put. Put some on your plate. A. And that's okay too.

[B]

Yeah, of course you do.

[A]

And welcome to the program. You're a human being. Yeah, but you're helping me. Yin my yang or yang my yin? I can never.

[B]

I never can remember. Is yang the one that rhymes with Wang? Cuz it should. Is yin the one that rhymes within.

[A]

Did we talk. You're so funny. Did we talk about. When we were talking about Chex Rice? Chex in Life cereal?

[B]

I don't know if we did it on the podcast. You did it on stage, and it did not Work. And I knew it would work.

[A]

I think it'll do well on the podcast. This is. This is my answer. We've had some bigger laughs lately, but some of them are not okay to share. What a shame.

[B]

I know.

[A]

What a shame.

[B]

I mean, not that we ever say anything that we wouldn't share in public.

[A]

Yeah, it was. It was just sort of just whatever. We don't have to talk about that. But that made us laugh really hard. But the thing that made me laugh so hard recently was I was talking about cereal.

[B]

We talk about food so often, and we talk about cereal pretty often.

[A]

Yeah. It's a thing.

[B]

It's a thing where.

[A]

And I said, addicted to food. Well, three times a day. But I was saying. I think I said something about rice checks. And you were like, which one's rice checks? And you were like, is it that one? I was like, no, that's. That's life.

[B]

I think I said. Which I said, I can. I never can remember which one.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah, go ahead.

[B]

Yeah. I said, well, I don't know how you do it without, like, just an audio.

[A]

Yeah. It's hard to do in just an audio. But when. When I say Tweedledee, that means Val is gesturing with one finger to her surroundings.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In like, a twirly whirly, as if you were saying, like, look around you.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

When I say tweet a little Tweedledee. That's what I'm doing. That's what Val's doing.

[B]

I said, I can never remember which one is checks and which one is life. Like, which one is this?

[A]

And I lost it. I know. I know not all of you are laughing right now, but it really. It really got my nugget. It got my nugget.

[B]

It might be a. You had to be there. But I'm glad we shared it. Just in case anybody can visualize it.

[A]

Here's a weird parent thought.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Since I've been blasting my quads, I don't know what.

[B]

I don't know what is. What is exercising?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I think it's.

[A]

Yeah, I get this weird.

[B]

Quads are your butt cheese.

[A]

Your quads are your butt. Your glutes are your face. They used to call me glute face.

[B]

I think you just thought they were saying face, face, face.

[A]

Thank you very much. Very accurate. No, I. Two things. It's weird that I'm not into gambling. I just think given my personality.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's weird that I wouldn't, like, walk into a casino with infinite potential and be like, we're going to take down the house. Like, I feel like that would fit two. And also, like, my addictions and my thrill, whatever. My thrill. I think I could probably stand up covers it for me. But some people do something like stand up. I've done stand up in a casino, get super high from it. And then I don't go into the casino. And also, casino gigs tend to pay a lot. I've never been like, let's take 500 and put it on red. It's just. Yeah, I just. I did Not. Not interested.

[B]

I'm really grateful for that because I do think you. Yeah. You do have a part of you that if you got going.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

It would be. You just kind of go for it.

[A]

That's probably my problem is I have the. We had it on this podcast at the beginning, I was like, big money, big money, big. And it does find it. Cruising altitude, and then it crashes a little bit. So now I feel much more normal.

[B]

Yeah. So now let's hit record.

[A]

You're the queen of mean. And I love it. Two, talking about lifting weights, which I know embarrassing, but it's been a really interesting experiment to me to have Never lift weights. And now 43. Being. Lifting weights, being lifted. But I'll be sitting at the table with my parents, and I put my arms on my shoulders or my. And I. Or my chest. I feel really hard. Like carved wood.

[B]

Yeah. And it actually makes you do.

[A]

It actually makes me feel better.

[B]

Like, I'll be protected.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm like. It's really weird that I never. I'm just speaking emotionally. Never. It never occurred to me be like. Like, my brain never went, if you're big and strong, your dad can't hurt you or whatever or whoever it is. Blank. Can't hurt you. Just never encourage me. But just today I'm doing it right now. I'm feeling my arms and just like, there's something about being, like, hard that makes you go, like, I'm safe. Somebody said that about Joe Rogan recently. They were like, his whole body. And it's not a bad thing, but it's like, nobody's gonna hurt me. I was like, some people get soft. Nobody's gonna hurt me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was thinking about it. It's like, it really depends on what you were raised with that you thought was safe. Are you afraid of getting attacked? That's. Get buff. Are you afraid of being stressed out after a long day? That's. You want to be with somebody that looks like they're gonna give You a cupcake? I. My whole life I've put my money on I'm more likely to be stressed and want a cupcake than have to fight. By the way, no part of me is getting buffed a fight. I'm just saying that. But I do want to do a bit about lifting weights because as I'm starting to see small results, nobody else is seeing the results, but I can, like, feel them.

[B]

I feel and see the results.

[A]

Well, we're quite intimate. Nobody else.

[B]

We're pretty close.

[A]

Let's put it this way. Nobody. Nobody I know has been like, what's going on? Which is fine. But I'm. I'm looking forward to doing a bit where I'm like, turns out it's not that hard.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Meaning everybody that's ripped or just in shape, there's like a real, like. And it's just like, all you did was lift heavy stuff over and over, like, and you did it properly. Maybe, like someone showed you how to do it. But it's not like, you see, like, the guy who plays Captain America and you're like, oh, my God. It's like, yeah, just go. Like, it's not. Yeah, like, that's why it's always a montage. Guys, in reality, what they're doing is fucking stupid and boring. And if you can somehow get through that. Here's your triceps.

[B]

I lift heavy over and over.

[A]

Yeah. How'd you do it? Heavy over and over? Well, when I didn't want to heavy anymore, I just kept heavying.

[B]

I just keep. What if I keep heavy, heavy, and.

[A]

Then the next day, more heavy, heavy.

[B]

And then the next step, heavy, heavy. Hurt. Hurt.

[A]

Well, I. I got a tonal as. I think we've already talked. I talked on another episode and I do pretty much the same exercise, the same routine. I'll get messages now. Almost every day, I have three different routines that I made up. Mostly exercises that I like. Mostly shoulders, arms, chest, legs. It's everything. It's a little of everything. I just do that every day. I know they're going to. People are going to be like, P90X muscle confusion. You need to shut up. Lift heavy things all the time. You think guys that went out and, like, were loggers were like, I can't chop that. It's a try day. Like, off. If you do heavy every day, you get muscles. That's where we first saw them in the wild, moving boulders and cobbling houses. And they weren't like, it's got to be a leg day. Just do something Heavy. Every day you get muscles. They I. And because it's so non m mystical, it's not confusing. I think they want to be like, now you got to. You got to do fingers on Friday. Wristson. Shut up. Lift some heavy. You get muscles. Shut up. It's stupid. I'm sorry. It's stupid. Just do it.

[B]

The whole, like, profession of trainer or. I'm sure there's major kinesiology is just being.

[A]

You're all idiots. I guarantee you, Kumail just picked up a 45 barbell and just went.

[B]

That's so funny, because as you were saying that, I was like, I do remember, Kumail. Like, if you're wanting to get that level.

[A]

I'm not talking about that.

[B]

It's. Yeah, it's like, that's very specific diets, very specific workouts.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I think even your sleep is included into it.

[A]

Kumail would wake up and drink blended chicken breasts.

[B]

Yeah. It's all.

[A]

So it's all about that. I'm not talking about that. I'm saying if you want to be at dinner with your dad and you rest your hands on your arms and you go, what the fuck? Lift some heavy shit. Yeah, that next level. It's funny that I use Chris Evans as the example. I'm sure they're doing some sort of twisted, like, side crunch that they hold and then they go back in slow motion. Is the only way to get that, like, micro muscle family.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's not what I'm talking about. I don't know. I'm just finding comfort in, like. Because my friend James Bashar, he's James Bashar. He's the one that told me to do it. He's like, I do the same workout every day. And I was like, that just makes sense. That sounds like a lager to me.

[B]

I want to take the lager workout.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or the Kenny Loggins.

[B]

Kitty. Kenny Loggins. The Kenny Loggins.

[A]

Bilbo Loggins. Let's just have ourselves a nice little cool down. Valerie, how do you feel today? Right now? Just at the end. We're at the end. Nothing. Nothing to do. Trump leads a meditation. Just close your eyes. Close them. Close them tight. Close them real tight. Take a big breath. One of the best breaths, hold it in at the top of the breath. Let it out with something you love. Money. Money. Just say money. Okay, now bury your wife at a golf course so you can write it off as a cemetery. That's what he did.

[B]

What?

[A]

That's. That's real, I think.

[B]

Wait. His wife died.

[A]

His Ex wife died.

[B]

Oh, Ivana or Ivanka.

[A]

It's like oxycodone. Oxycodone. It's like, Ivanka, Ivana. I don't know.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

But I'm pretty sure he buried his ex wife at his golf course, so they could classify it as a cemetery.

[B]

My God. If that's true, that really is. This says everything you need to know.

[A]

About everything you need to know about me. Just. That's like a weird, like, moment of clarity. This move is exactly who I am. Make no mistake, Trump.

[B]

Doing a guided meditation is one of my favorite bits you've ever done. I'm surprised just now. Yeah. If. If Kyle Dunnigan.

[A]

Okay, I know you can't cross your legs. I can't cross my legs. Don't cross your legs. Sit in a chair, a very fine chair, a wooden chair with a special cushy wushy for your big old tushy. Okay. Big tush. When I wipe, it's from low to high. And when I get to high, I'm winded. Big tush. By the time I reach high, I'm very winded. Really tired. Need a snack sometimes stay so long. Two BMs. I have two golden beams. I've never seen them. My staff tells me they're golden.

[B]

People who are meditating are like, opening one eye. Is this still happening?

[A]

Now think about your fine golden hair. Think about it. It blowing in the breeze. Never in water. Never get it in water. Don't let people see. Don't let them see. Don't go in a pool. If you go into a pool, go. Go up here. Go up to your chin. Just go up to your chin. Like a submarine. Like a submarine, not a sandwich. The. The vessel. Go in like a vessel. Best submarines in the business.

[B]

Wow. Beautiful.

[A]

Namaste. Namaste. Namaste at Trump Towers. Because if people say. Let's say here, you say, nah. Mistaya. Trump Towers. Namaste. Wow. That was. Those were the last fumes of this mania.

[B]

We really watched the mania, like, be born. Super peak. Rocket ship out of this world. Peak. Start to gently land.

[A]

Gently land.

[B]

And now it is dead.

[A]

Private jet. Land it on the tarmac.

[B]

Private jet.

[A]

Private jet. It's me, Christopher Walken, doing Trump. It's. It's a blend. It's a different. It's actually rather similar. The way that you do one is the way you do another, and it results in neither. It result. What. What ends up happening is if you do Christopher Walken and he's doing Trump, it becomes neither and a little Woody Allen. Not to be outdone, it becomes a third complicated person.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I want to say in closing.

[B]

Nope, we're done. Keep crispy it.