Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Episode: "We Made It Weird #161"

Date: January 20, 2024
Host: Pete Holmes
Co-host: Val
Theme: Secret weirdness, language, spirituality, and self-acceptance

Overview

This lively, introspective episode of You Made It Weird’s offshoot, “We Made It Weird,” continues Pete Holmes’ tradition of examining the oddities and deeper intricacies of human consciousness, self-expression, and spirituality. Alongside his wife and co-host Val, Pete weaves through topics like musical nostalgia, the nuances (and pitfalls) of language, personal growth, and faith, mixing humor, stream-of-consciousness riffing, and unfiltered honesty. The episode builds toward a vulnerable and nuanced discussion of spirituality outside of religious dogma, particularly exploring why Pete doesn’t identify as “Christian” despite deep affection for Jesus.

Key Discussions & Insights

1. The Weirdness of Everyday Life and Musical Nostalgia

• Music Riffing: The episode opens with playful banter about Smash Mouth, Beatles, and Kinks soundalikes, leading to an irreverent take on how recognition and nostalgia color our judgments of art.

  • Pete jokes, if Smash Mouth recorded a Beatles song, would anyone care?
  • [06:36] Pete: “If ‘Can’t Get Enough of You Baby’ was a Beatles song … everyone would cream their Beatles jeans.”

• Impressions & Parody:

  • Pete and Val break into musical impressions—Johnny Cash singing Kelly Clarkson, Billy Joe Armstrong’s punk-tinged pop—spotlighting Pete’s comedic range and comic, chaotic energy.
  • [08:05] Pete: “Old Johnny Cash singing ‘Since You Been Gone’ … as if it's an event—did that alone in my trailer.”

2. The Complexity (and Pretentiousness) of Language

• Language Snobbery:

  • Pete reflects on his own tendency toward “fancy talk,” confessing both his fascination with deliberate language and his cringe at its pretentiousness.
  • [17:55] Pete: “I saw him doing what I do a lot—try to talk fancy. I like talking fancy, but it’s just a tongue starvation.”

• Accessible Communication:

  • Both agree that clarity can matter more than vocabulary. They playfully dissect misused or misunderstood words—like Pete defending “polity” or Val sharing her “formidable”/“formative” slip.
  • [19:43] Pete: “If you’re only doing that [using fancy words], who is this for? It’s not for the listener.”
  • [24:12] Val: “In defense of Southern language, they’re often great communicators—sometimes I think well, and sometimes I just don’t know.”

3. Childhood, Church, and the Compulsion to Share

• Transparency as Healing:

  • Val shares that her upbringing as a pastor’s kid was all about “perception,” and that oversharing on social media and podcasts is a kind of course correction for past secrecy.
  • [41:00] Val: “So much more about how things look to the outside than what’s happening on the inside ... it’s very healing for both of us to just show [our whole life].”

• The “Desk Outside” Dream:

  • Pete recounts a dream of leaving a desk with family photos and documents outside—a metaphor for the vulnerability of podcasting and sharing life publicly.
  • [39:36] Pete: “Anyone can come and look at this. What’s weird is that we don’t have that dream constantly.”

4. Faith, Christianity, and the “Prodigal Son”

• Why Not ‘Christian’?

  • Pete thoughtfully explains why he loves Jesus but doesn’t fully identify as Christian anymore—chiefly, discomfort with atonement doctrine (that someone had to die for our sins) and exclusivity.
  • [48:58] Pete: “The thought that we die and our brains are scanned ... Did believe resurrection, did believe virgin birth ... All these checklists—I’m just grateful not to be in that mindset anymore.”

• Atonement & the Prodigal Son:

  • Pete contrasts atonement theology with the unconditional acceptance in the Prodigal Son, seeing it not as “earning” forgiveness but simply “remembering” you’re still loved.
  • [53:12] Pete: “Dad’s not mad. We think dad’s mad. Dad’s not mad.”
  • [55:47] Pete: “Jesus didn’t die to change God’s mind about us. He died to change our mind about God.”

• Heart vs. Head in Religion:

  • Val contrasts the “admin” obsession of belief checklists with the openhearted experience of grace and love, describing how “head” narratives of heaven/hell fuel anxiety, while “heart” is risky, boundless acceptance.
  • [57:34] Val: “Once you put the threat of hell into something, your brain takes over because it’s terrified.”

5. Universal Love, Spirituality, and Self-Forgiveness

• Universal Access:

  • The duo rejects exclusivist salvation, embracing a pluralistic, mystical spirituality:
  • [63:07] Pete: “I believe Jesus Christ is the one and only son of God, and so am I. And so are you.”
  • [65:35] Val: “We need all kinds of different ways of getting there ... That’s a beautiful tapestry.”

• Sin as Forgetting:

  • Pete reframes sin as “forgetting our shared identity,” and even calls the phrase “I am a sinner” itself a form of sin—an identification with separation.
  • [68:54] Pete: “If sin is forgetting that you are included in the party, then saying 'I am a sinner' is a sin.”

• Compassion Over Judgment:

  • On forgiveness, they cite Jack Kornfield and Tara Brach—emphasizing compassion for oneself, including forgiving yourself for not being able to forgive others.
  • [74:21] Val: “You first have to forgive yourself for not being able to forgive. Isn’t it beautiful that I want to forgive?”

• “Resign as My Own Teacher”:

  • Pete shares a mantra borrowed from A Course in Miracles—admitting the limits of self-guidance and surrendering control to “something bigger.”
  • [76:05] Pete: “There is a beingness … I resign as my own teacher.”

6. Self-Acceptance, Imperfect Parenting, and Internal Family Systems

• Messy Humanity:

  • Val and Pete discuss grappling with imperfection as parents, intrusive thoughts, and moments where compassion for oneself is the only antidote.
  • [81:27] Val: “I need to step up … This isn’t the practice child. … It’s so much pressure to put on myself to every moment show up. You can’t.”
  • [84:59] Val: “It’s as simple as putting a hand on your heart and going, 'This is really hard.'”

• Needing to Be Seen & Loved:

  • Pete confesses his need to “exist” in conversations, and how internal family systems therapy might offer more choices than feeling “too much or not enough.”
  • [87:04] Val: “You’ll learn how to communicate to those parts in real time … You’ll have more options available.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Pete on Music Recognition
  “If ‘Can’t Get Enough of You Baby’ was a Beatles song … everyone would cream their Beatles jeans.”
  — [06:36] Pete Holmes

• On Fancy Language
  “I like talking fancy, but it’s just a tongue starvation.”
  — [17:55] Pete Holmes

• On Sharing Publicly
  “That [dream] is what it’s like being on social media … we just have a desk that we leave outside with photos of our most intimate moments.”
  — [39:36] Pete Holmes

• On Spiritual Exclusivity
  “Have a God that’s better than your best friend Fred.”
  — [72:12] Pete Holmes

• Forgiveness
  “You first have to forgive yourself for not being able to forgive. … Isn’t it beautiful that I want to forgive?”
  — [74:21] Val

• Resigning as Your Own Teacher
  “I resign as my own teacher. The guy that needs to poop … and the guy that needs coffee …”
  — [78:18] Pete Holmes

• Heart vs. Head (Religion)
  “The heart is my touchstone back in.”
  — [59:27] Val

Key Timestamps

• [06:10–09:50]: Opening musical riffs and British Invasion nostalgia
• [12:13–21:56]: Language digression, words, and pretentiousness
• [24:12–26:30]: Defense of Southern language, power of sayings
• [39:36–41:23]: Sharing, vulnerability, “the desk outside” metaphor
• [48:58–56:49]: Why Pete isn’t “Christian,” Prodigal Son, atonement
• [74:11–76:05]: Tara Brach, Jack Kornfield, self-forgiveness
• [76:05–79:40]: “Resign as my own teacher”; humble spirituality
• [81:27–85:07]: Parenting, inadequacy, and self-compassion
• [87:42–89:49]: Internal family systems, needing to “exist”

Summary Conclusion

Pete and Val’s conversational chemistry, openness, and humor create a safe space for listeners to reflect on their own weirdness, struggles, and spiritual confusion. The episode thoughtfully unpacks why strict labels—religious or otherwise—can limit growth, advocating instead for heart-led acceptance, compassion, and remembering our inherent belonging. Through digressions and laughter, they model what it means to be “weird” in the best, most human way.

Closing Memorable Moment:

“Keep it crispy.”
— [91:15] Val