We Made It Weird #169

Summary

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Episode: We Made It Weird #169

Date: March 15, 2024
Host: Pete Holmes
Co-host: Valerie Chaney

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Episode Overview

This lively episode of "We Made It Weird" delves into Pete and Valerie's inner landscapes, their strategies for regulating emotion, creative habits, and how somatic and energetic therapies support growth. The duo's signature silly, improvisational rapport is on full display as they riff on everything from seasonal confusion to family structures, neuro-emotional techniques, and the wisdom contained within our bodies. For both new and longtime listeners, this episode is a candid, heartfelt mix of humor, vulnerability, and practical spirituality.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Springtime, Sense of Time & Family Trees

• Seasonal Confusion: Pete admits his lifelong struggle with tracking seasons and time, recounting a story where he misidentified the current season to his daughter (07:29).
• Family Structure Brain Fog: He reflects on his inability to hold family relationships in mind, calling out how quickly he loses track—especially beyond immediate family (09:28).
  • Quote: “Two things I just can't understand, okay? One is seasons. Stroke time ... Two, family. Like the structure of family. This is your cousin. What the fuck are you talking about?” (09:28 - Pete)

2. Emotional Sensitivity, Creative States, and Boundaries

• Delicate vs. Sustainable Modes: Pete shares a breakthrough about needing to protect fragile, creative states (“delicate”), and how easily logistical or responsive activities can destroy this creative flow (15:37).
  • Quote: “You have two modes. One is delicate and one is sustainable. Delicate is creativity ... and then you have responding.” (15:37 - Pete)
• Vulnerability in Partnership: Valerie demonstrates perfect attunement—recognizing when Pete is overloaded and gracefully backing off, which makes Pete feel loved and understood (22:00).
• The Challenge of Switching Modes: An email or minor planning question can send Pete into a spiral, highlighting the real-life impact of emotional switches and creative boundaries (19:38).

3. Recognizing and Regulating Emotional Triggers

• Fight-or-Flight Response to Emails: Pete describes how minor logistical requests can trigger outsized stress, equating it to a primal threat response, tying it to our evolutionary wiring (36:04).
• Neurological & Somatic Regulation:
  • Breathwork and mindfulness, inspired by Andrew Huberman and Ram Dass, are practical tools Pete uses to calm his nervous system (32:14).
  • Quote: “We're getting—We're stepping outside of our survival mind...But to put it another way—and [Huberman] goes, ‘This is who you are without fear.’” (35:26 - Pete)
• Allowing Feelings: Valerie emphasizes that freedom comes from softening around feelings rather than resisting or over-identifying with them, using somatic therapy approaches (40:46).
  • Quote: “Notice that you are resisting the feeling ... And just open to it even a crack. And then it starts to become less and less scary.” (40:46 - Val)

4. Somatic Healing & Neuro Emotional Technique (NET)

• Valerie’s NET Experience: Valerie shares her recent neuro-emotional technique session (50:17), describing how muscle testing and biofeedback vials identified emotional patterns tied to physical symptoms like stomach issues.
  • Process: Holding emotion-themed “vials” and observing the body's muscle response to reveal and release stored emotions (53:02).
  • Physical Release: Valerie describes “huge waves of sensation,” feeling lighter after, and compares the process to giving birth in its intensity and the importance of not resisting (60:44).
  • Quote: “It literally feels like my body is, like, throwing these things out of trunks, like scarves… and is like, ‘Oh my God, thank God. I'm so done with holding this.’” (58:09 - Val)
• The Body’s Wisdom: Both agree our bodies possess deep intelligence, and healing involves letting go rather than intellectualizing (56:36).

5. Reimagining Energy, Calm, and Creativity

• Energy Isn’t Only for Mania: Pete re-frames energy not as chaos or aggression but as a resource that can fuel calm, gratitude, and creative states (67:16).
  • Quote: “Energy can be used to calm down. Because energy… can be used to be at peace as well. This really feels like a big breakthrough for me: Peace isn’t numbness.” (69:58 - Pete)
• Shifting Emotional Strategies: Pete describes unhelpful old patterns (over-eating, over-masturbating) as misguided attempts to dull energy and emotions; now, he practices staying alive and present instead (68:03, 71:07).

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Tribal Insults:

  • “It's just a way of saying, 'I bite my thumb at you, sir.'…There's something about… where you come from deserves to be…not even just you, but where you come from.” (12:30 - Pete)

• On Emotional Triggers:

  • “I want to share this to say, like, I believe all human beings are this sensitive in some way. And hopefully, in uncovering mine, we'll all go be a little more gentle with ourselves…” (23:14 - Pete)

• On Healing & Letting Go:

  • “The closer you get to the feel, the more it does just become a sensation…And it does feel pleasant because you're realizing in that moment, whoa, there's actually nothing to be afraid of.” (41:57 - Val)

• On Energy & Self-Acceptance:

  • “I've just been like, get rid of it. Get rid of sexual energy because it's a distraction…And now I'm like, no, let's work with the tiger—sexual energy, but the tiger's all the energies. Let's ride it.” (72:04 - Pete)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

| Timestamp | Segment / Discussion | |------------|--------------------------------------------------------| | 07:29 | Pete’s struggle to recognize seasons/time, family tree confusion | | 13:00 | Exploring the roots of “tribal” insults and Boston culture | | 15:37 | The “delicate vs. sustainable” creativity insight | | 19:38 | The fragility of creative states & logistical interruptions | | 24:35 | Unpacking emotional wound (“not understood”) and email anxiety | | 32:14 | Breathwork, physiological regulation explained by Valerie and Pete | | 35:26 | “Who you are without fear”—escaping survival mode | | 40:46 | Somatic therapy: softening into unpleasant emotions | | 50:17 | Valerie’s Neuro Emotional Technique (NET) session | | 58:09 | Description of physical/emotional releases (“throwing these things out of trunks”) | | 67:16 | Reframing energy as vitality, not just aggression | | 69:58 | “Peace isn’t numbness”—embracing energy for calm & equanimity | | 72:04 | Using sexual and physical energy as resources instead of distractions |

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Episode Highlights

• Early Banter: Irreverent riffs on Jon Hamm and holiday foods segue into deeper themes of identity and awareness.
• Relationship Dynamics: An honest look at how Pete and Val communicate needs, set boundaries, and practice attunement in real time.
• Spiritual & Psychological Wisdom: The conversation neatly blends comedy and spiritual insights, with references to Rupert Spira, Ram Dass, Huberman, and Internal Family Systems.
• Personal Transformation: Pete shares a major shift from seeking numbness to harnessing energy as a creative and calming force.

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Tone & Style

• Warm, Silly, and Open: The episode is characterized by playful, quick-fire improvisation, affectionate teasing, and candid admissions, balanced with raw vulnerability and genuine advice.
• Conversational & Inclusive: Listeners are addressed as part of the ongoing journey (“hope this is relatable”), with both hosts modeling self-compassion and growth mindset.

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Closing Thought

This episode of “We Made It Weird” is a trove of practical tools, emotional intelligence, and laugh-out-loud improvisation. Whether you struggle with creative rhythm, somatic sensitivity, or the emotional gusts of daily life, Pete and Val offer strategies, insight, and above all, permission to embrace your own weird—which, as this episode reminds, is the most human thing of all.

Transcript

[A]

You made it weird.

[B]

You made it weird. You made it weird.

[A]

Oh yeah, you made it weird. Made it weird. Yes, you did. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[B]

What's happening, weirdos?

[A]

What is happening? This is a great one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm glad you're here.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

So grateful you took the time to join us. Thank you, thank you, thank you. I guess I plug A couple things PeteHomes.com for all the tour dates. May 4th, Star Wars Day. If you're going to be in Los Angeles doing the Netflix is a joke festival. Also my Largo shows, we also added a night in Chicago. We also have the Denia Improv near Miami, Florida. Please come out to that. And that's it. If you like the show, try a Pete's pick. Katie, roll those beautiful pre roll bean footage. I am about to go on a little trip and one of the things that I packed in my bag was little to go packets of armor. Colostrum. Why? Because I'm obsessed. Maybe you're like me, you're hearing everybody talking about Colostrum. Well, armor makes the absolute best immune boosting. Actually, immune boosting is really selling it short. It helps with fitness, recovery, it helps with endurance, it helps with metabolism, it helps with your hair and your skin Radiance hormone. What is Colostrum? It's the first nutrition we receive in life and contains all of the essential nutrients our bodies need to thrive. And me personally having taken it for about a month now, every day, sometimes twice a day, I feel such a boost. I feel ready to go. I feel like it clears me out, cleans me out and get and I haven't been getting sick and a lot of people around me are getting sick and I'm starting to get my family on it. We are boosting our immune, our hair, our nails, our metabolism with armor, reactivating hair growth and glowing skin by reducing inflammation and puffiness in your face and neck as well as stimulating stem cells to produce collagen and increase elasticity, igniting your metabolism and fortifying gut health both at the same time so you feel less bloated and lighter. I can attest to that while replenishing your microbiome, stabilizing blood sugar and accelerating fat burning, as well as fueling your fitness performance and your recovery. Arma Colostrum is a proprietary concentrate of bovine colostrum that harnesses over four living bioactive nutrients that rebuild the barriers of your body and fuel cellular health for a host of research backed benefits. It's wholly natural, sustainable and was developed, developed with the highest integrity grass fed in the US and they guarantee the highest potency and bioavailability of any colostrum on the market for results that you can actually see and feel. And no joke, I am one of those people. I am a believer. Armor is absolutely a part of my daily routine now. Sometimes twice a day. Like I said, we've worked out a special offer for weirdos. Get 15% off your first order. Go to try armor.com weird or enter weird to get 15% off your first order. That's t R Y A R m r a.com weird. Do something good for your body. Support the show as well. Nice. We're also brought to us by our friends. I'm wearing the hat at LMNT Element Healthy hydration isn't just about water. 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You're flooding your system with sodium, potassium and magnesium for health, performance and energy. And I also find it has great brain benefits. Something about the neuro connectivity and getting that in you, you feel a boost. Element came up with a fantastic offer for us. Go to drinklmnt.com weird and use promo code weird to get a free Element sample pack with any order. When you order, I love the sample pack because maybe you wouldn't have tried mango chili but maybe it turns out you love mango chili. You wanted a spicy hydrating drink. I didn't know I did, but I did because of that sample pack. So try one of the flavors. Get all of the flavors. Go to drinklmnt.com weird if element doesn't exceed your expectations. They have a no questions asked refund policy. You don't even have to send it back, so you got nothing to lose. Support your body. Support the show. Go to drink element.com weird and get your free sample pack with any purchase. Drink element.com weird. All right, everybody, we're so glad you're here. Let's enjoy. I love this one. You're going to love it. I hope. I hope. Get into it, right? I mean, get into it, right?

[B]

How dare you? Yes. Yes. Get into it. Oh.

[A]

Welcome to. We made it Weird. This is how I feel today. Oh.

[B]

And I'm like. I feel like, oh, spring has sprung, baby girl.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I'm feeling very springy.

[A]

Isn't spring. My whole life I've struggled to engage with a sense of time.

[B]

I know. And I, on the other hand. Ham. What happened?

[A]

You know you love food. Tell me you love food without telling me you love food.

[B]

I, on the other hand.

[A]

Wow, you just hammed it. Or did you mean John Ham? Honestly, on the other ham. And we just. He's just brooding, handsome and mysterious.

[B]

I would like that ham holding a ham. Yeah.

[A]

I don't need. I don't need him holding a cold cut for me.

[B]

I don't want it cold.

[A]

Oh, a hot ham. Oh, a hot ham holding a hot ham.

[B]

A hot ham holding a hot ham. Please. Nothing says Easter to me more because.

[A]

Jon Ham is a silly bean. I wonder if he's ever. I'm gonna say it to surprise a lover. Laid out nude with, like, candied pineapple slices. The full circle with cherries inside.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And has been like, I'm your ham. I'm your. I'm your valentine ham.

[B]

That was very good.

[A]

It was very good.

[B]

You are my valentine ham.

[A]

Valentine.

[B]

What's happening?

[A]

Are you okay?

[B]

I don't think so. I don't think so.

[A]

I'm not worried about you. It just happens. So sometimes somebody's just gotta hit the.

[B]

Tip of the tongue, the teeth.

[A]

Pants. We used to say pants. Pants. Pants. Pants.

[B]

Hand.

[A]

Six thick thistle sticks.

[B]

Six thick thistle sticks.

[A]

I love that you. Did you know where I was going with a sense of time? You said. You, on the other hand.

[B]

Yes, I know. I. Me, on the other hand, I'm very, like, into the seasons.

[A]

And I love that about you. It's a. It's a wonderful counterbalance. We were driving Leela to school. This is another good, like, just call it out when you're embarrassed moment. But I was. We were. It's cold. It's been cold lately. So we're driving to school and I think Leela asked either what month it was or what season it was, and I said winter.

[B]

Oh, yeah, you. No, no, no, no.

[A]

What? I can't even remember the. The story. I said fall and I remember my thought processes. There was just one process. Is that, you know, I look at the trees in our yard and the leaves are gone. So I'm like, it's fall.

[B]

No, the. The fall is.

[A]

No, I know it's not fall.

[B]

No, no, it's winter.

[A]

No, see, I believed you.

[B]

If you're looking for.

[A]

When you said it's winter, I was like, wow, Christmas again. I was like, that seems too fast.

[B]

Well, it is kind of still the end of winter because we haven't had the equinox, which is, I think like the 19th.

[A]

Don't bring a gym into this. The ball.

[B]

That gym is so powerful. It decides when it's spring.

[A]

The balls to be like, we're the equinox. Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did you bring my goat back to life? Bringing like, ceremony into it.

[B]

Oh my God. But fall is. You can look to the trees for fall.

[A]

Sorry, I shouldn't tease. I just love. Because I have headphones on and you don't, so I really hear the.

[B]

Like, I like this fall. The trees are falling and now you can tell that it's winter. They have fallen.

[A]

It's not winter. Stop saying it's winter.

[B]

It is winter, baby.

[A]

It's March.

[B]

I know, but it hasn't specifically turned to spring yet. The spring happens at the end of March, the second half of March.

[A]

So I was kind of right. Why?

[B]

When you said fall.

[A]

There'S two things I just can't understand, okay? One is seasons. Stroke time. Just not good at it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Two family. Like. Like the structure of family. This is your cousin. What the fuck are you talking about? Like what? Who is this guy? I can't hold it. I can hold it for a moment and then it flies away like a bird.

[B]

Especially if it's like, this is your dad's cousin. Forget it, son.

[A]

Forget it. Just my brain goes, uh huh. And it doesn't even try.

[B]

The least Boston thing about you.

[A]

I know because I feel they love it.

[B]

Yeah, they're really into cousins.

[A]

You said that to my fucking third cousin on my mother's side. Get the fuck over here. I want me and my uncle's nephew's brother want to have a word with you.

[B]

We're going to have a fight to the death on the equinox. I can't do it.

[A]

Equinox.

[B]

Equinox knocks.

[A]

It's almost like you had a Y to it. Equinox, Equinox. I don't want. Is there an equinox in Boston? There probably is. There's probably, like an equinox. It seems so New York to me.

[B]

Oh, no, it's definitely all over.

[A]

Oh, yeah, it's all over.

[B]

It's all over.

[A]

I had it. What was I gonna. Oh, yeah. I was gonna say. I've probably said this on the pod before, but a bit that illustrates my inability to, like, hold that. What family is like as a tree graph in my mind.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I had that bit where I was like, I don't understand when people say, like, fuck your mother. Like, why that's so offensive. And it really illustrates, like, how I'm just not attached to the. This isn't like, cool, groovy, spiritual detachment. I just, like, don't. Mother is as close as you're going to get. Or father. But if, like, a stranger says fuck your mother, who cares?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But, you know, who cares? 99.99999. Like, people die. I'm not gonna say every day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But it's a lot because someone says. Someone who doesn't know someone's mother says that that mother deserves to be fucked.

[B]

Yeah. And it's like, I know it really does seem like you don't know her, so it's nothing you can say fuck the tree in your backyard.

[A]

No, I agree. But there is. I think we're like. To defend it, you know, to. In its defense, there's something about, like, you know, he had a sticker on you.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You just know that there's like, there's a code. There's something kind of noble about a code. And you know what it definitely seems.

[B]

Is, you know, it's like tribalism.

[A]

It is. And where you come deserves to be, like, not even just you, but where you come from.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I salt the earth. Like, I fuck you and I fuck your fucking mother. Like, you don't deserve to exist. So it's really more of an insult to you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I obviously.

[B]

And I think it is like, my. My tribe is against your.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Tribe.

[A]

It's just a way of saying, I bite my thumb at you, sir.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

And this is literally. This is a real time moment. This is me slowly understanding why my heady. Like, that doesn't make any sense thing.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Doesn't make any sense.

[B]

It's really the things that are most tender and personal to you. I. Yeah. Am Trying to insult.

[A]

I could even reduce it more. It's, you're worthless. You're worthless and your people are worthless.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I hope you die. I wish you were never born.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that is very insulting.

[B]

And Boston.

[A]

It is very Boston. It's also easier to get upset, which is a part of its appeal. Fuck your mother. The part of the appeal of fuck your mother is this is a Toro thing. People will do things for people they love. They'll do more for people they love than for themselves. You know? And that's certainly true with you and Leela. I will do more for you than I'll. Than I'll do for myself. So when you're saying, like, you'll get angry on behalf of your mother, that's what makes it so inciting. The appeal of it as an insult is that it's so upsetting.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So you're just trying to hurt them. Yes, but I'm going to. But it doesn't make any sense. But it doesn't matter. It's like, why does red make me, like, more likely to fight? Like, the color red make me hungry.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Or, like, all that sort of stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Speaking of which, I did a show, and I'm so grateful that I got to do this show for Meta, and it was like a VR show. Am I allowed to talk about it?

[B]

Good question.

[A]

Fuck. I don't know if I'm. I don't think I signed an NDA. I'm going to text Dave while we're talking.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Ah. I really want to talk about it.

[B]

Can you talk about the. Well, I guess it's so detailed.

[A]

Am I allowed to talk about the Meta show on my podcast question mark? Or is it, like, a secret thing? He should. Oh, it's always nice when your manager has notification. Silence. I was gonna say I'm gonna hit notify anyway. Yeah, yeah, you're on the payroll. You get that sweet, sweet notify anyway.

[B]

I. I think people are loose with that. I don't know why I think that. I just get the sense that people are doing it. They're just notifying anyway.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't get a lot of notify anyways, and I'm proud of that because I got. I got don't notify anyway face, which I just gave you. I was really feeling overwhelmed. Really overwhelmed. And, buddy, look, I want to share this with everybody. This is something I'm very, very excited about, that I feel like it's taken me 45 years to figure out, which is. You have two modes. One is delicate and one is sustainable. Delicate is creativity. That's where we are right now. You and I are being in our creative space. Creativity is also being a dad, playing games with Leela, making breakfast, making it fun to get dressed, going to school, singing songs, that sort of stuff. Creativity is also just kind of reading in the morning. I know that's not quite creativity, but doing my morning routine, it's feeding me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's not asking.

[B]

It's, like, receptive.

[A]

It's. Yeah, it's receptive, exactly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And reading is creative in that you're going, like, how do I engage with this? Like, how am I involved?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All of that is category A, reading, parenting, playing, being silly, and then creating, which includes podcasting, which includes writing, which includes, like, what is writing? For me, it's like kind of staring into space and occasionally writing something down. I don't do a lot of staring into space. It's more like I'm writing, and while I'm writing, more ideas are coming. Or I'm not writing at all, and.

[B]

I'm just describing writing. I think words, and then I.

[A]

That is very funny. That is very funny. I think. Yeah. No, no, that's fair to our last episode. See, I like a good ribbing. That didn't bother me at all because I was understood.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, here we go. The second mode. And I know we've kind of talked about this sort of stuff, but I feel like I have more clarity than ever. The second mode is responding. So one is. What would you call it? Giving or creating? And one is responding.

[B]

Yeah, I would say one is receiving and one is responding.

[A]

Receiving.

[B]

Well, although you're not really receiving when you're playing and stuff, you're giving what let's call responding.

[A]

And then I'll know what I'm either creating or I'm responding.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And if I. In those. The first. So the first, like, four hours of my day, ideally the first six hours of my day are creating. Drop Leela off, come home. Two hours of creative time writing. In. In this case this week, it's writing a script. And then what happened this morning was. And our phones, man, if our phones were a Swiss army kn. There's a blowtorch on there. There's like, you know, Dramamine. There's like, a comb. There's a living dog. What I'm saying is, what is the drama.

[B]

What. I mean, I know what Dramamine is.

[A]

What I'm saying is it does everything.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And it's an everything machine. And it doesn't know what you want from doesn't care. It doesn't care what you want from it. So I know everybody knows the experience. You pick up your phone because you want to get. You want to go on Amazon and order waterproof matches. You open your phone and there's a text. Now you're replying to a text.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or somebody says, I email. Someone texts you even worse. I emailed you the code. Can you forward it to me? Now you go in your email and now you see another email. Everybody knows this. I don't even have to explain this. Now you're replying to that email. You forgot the code. You're not texting it back. And you didn't go on Amazon to get the waterproof matches. Now you don't have waterproof matches. Now it's the post apocalypse. You. You're called. You're. You're.

[B]

You are always ordering stuff for the apocalypse.

[A]

I do go through like once a twice a year. I go like, do we have stuff to stay warm if everything goes sideways.

[B]

And we live in Southern California, buddy. But it does get cold.

[A]

It's. We'll see who's laughing. You know what? You just got disinvited to the little circle.

[B]

You can't have that circle without me.

[A]

Of course not. J foling fully K J. Just fully kidding. JFK. JFK. Okay. JFK Jr. Small. Just fully cutting any. Who's a woozle. So this morning all that happened and what I'm. The revelation is just how delicate these states are. I went in my email. I forget why. I think it was one of these things. I. Oh, I had to email Sharon because we're having some work done. We had to ask a thing and I had to get. Can you send a check to this guy? Then I see an email from someone I'm working with. And it was just the most reasonable sort of like, hey, I was thinking, when you do that, why don't you do this as well? And then I fucking spin out, like all of my creativity. It's like a vapor.

[B]

It's right brain, left brain is what it sounds like.

[A]

I appreciate it sounds like I'm being fake. I really appreciate that insight. Because my creativity, it's like making eye contact with a deer. I've said before, it's very fragile. It's very still. Another way to think of it, it's like a vapor that I'm kind of like, you know, sorcery into a little ball like Siri. You know when Siri's talking, it looks like that. And when I look at one email.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It gets sucked into a hurricane. And then, Valerie, you gave me a look and you know, I really appreciate your phantom thread sensitivity. To me, I expect a quiet breakfast, you know, like that sort of like.

[B]

I simply cannot have any confrontations today.

[A]

I cannot have any confrontations. Say, I simply cannot. I appreciate your delicateness, but like, it's valid lid because. Or what I mean is, sure. Could I work on it? Could I like go through some sort of boot camp? I don't know. Certainly I'm not like resigning to it, but I'm saying this is how I seem to work. And I'm 45. I think this is what's happening.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you, in your delicateness, in your phantom thread breakfast scene, wanted to say something gentle about planning. And you know, I don't want to. I don't, I can't. I simply cannot plan in the morning. And I apparently gave you a look.

[B]

That said, let me see if I can do it. I know this is a radio show or whatever this is people tuning in.

[A]

On their wooden, wooden tombstone shaped radios.

[B]

It was like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

For those of you who couldn't see that, which is, I'm gonna say 100% we're gonna on of the population.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm like a variable. Like, I don't get factored into the data. Like, any scientist would just cross me off and just be like, guys, it's billions of people couldn't see that. So I'm just going to eliminate that one.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You just kind of like face forward.

[B]

Face forward, Eyebrows raised.

[A]

Eyebrows raised. And upper, upper teeth, Upper row of teeth kind of biting gently, the lower lip going like, what the fuck do you want?

[B]

Yeah, that was it.

[A]

And I. And also in the eyes, because I thought about this as an actor. I was like, could I make that face on demand? And it's like. But it was also like eyebrows up and eyes weary.

[B]

Yes, both. Yeah, it totally was.

[A]

And I haven't shaved in a while, so I look like scruffy. And I'm like.

[B]

And I hadn't looked at you. It's so funny to talk about this because it literally happened 15 minutes ago. But I, I wasn't looking at you. I was feeding Brody. And I was like, okay, like, talking. As I was feeding Brody, you were behind me. And I was like, okay, one thing, just something to think about. You don't have to answer now, but. And then I, I like turned and saw that face and I went, oh, no, nope, never mind. Just like, oh, your face is Telling me this is not a good time.

[A]

Right, I'm sorry. Dave texted me back, See, this is the fucking world. You were generously unpacking my horseshit. And how dare I go, well, I don't hear my own voice. And I checked the message to see if I could talk about that.

[B]

And if I had done that to.

[A]

You, I would have been pissed. No, Val, not pissed. I would have made fun of you. But that's how I'm pissed. I get. Oh, God, life is so complicated. So anyway, the face.

[B]

The face. And. And, yeah. And so then I knew that it.

[A]

Wasn'T a good time, which I loved. That was such perfect love for me, was I felt safe to make a face that says what I was actually feeling in real time. Like, I can't right now. And when you said that, I was like, oh, I loved it. And then I was very excited to share this with everybody. I came in here and I was like, tight. I just kept thinking about that email, and it goes back to my fundamental wound. They're saying, like, hey, when you do this, can you do this other thing at the same time? And I want to be. So my wound. You don't understand me. Like, you don't understand what I'm trying to do. It's not just an email. It's now, like a. And I'm sharing this not to be like, I'm sharing this to say, like, I believe all human beings are this sensitive in some way. And hopefully, in uncovering mine, we'll all go be a little more gentle with ourselves and be a little bit more finely tuned and productive and have more strategy to live a more pleasant day. So I hope this is relatable. So I was like, I came in here and I'm like, this guy doesn't understand me. That thing, the same thing we talked about last episode. I was like, I'm not understood. He doesn't get me. I'm vanishing. I'm dead. Yeah, I'm gone. And then. Yes.

[B]

Sorry, what was. Well, no, go ahead. No, go ahead, keep going.

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

It was just the, like. One of the people you were texting with didn't understand you was that.

[A]

No, it's somebody that I've been emailing with.

[B]

Okay, got it.

[A]

But they. They were like, this is not shots fired. It's a reasonable ask. We're shooting this thing, and we have this idea for the next thing we're gonna shoot. So let's say it's a Batman sketch. It's not. And they're like, hey, when you're doing those Batman sketches. Why don't you do those Robin sketches at the same time?

[B]

Sure. Okay. Yes.

[A]

And then I go into this whole very emotionally juiced. But the Robin sketches are a completely different setup. That's not your world. So you don't know camera position. I'm also trying something. This is all in my head spinning out. I'm trying not in anger, but just sort of like, how can I overwhelm? And this is very. You'll relate to this. I was back here and I calmed down greatly because what I'm really looking for. People pleasy want to be a sweet boy. Good boy. Like, good boy. Yeah. That's vulnerable. But like, I want to be a good boy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How can I reply to this email with the word yes.

[B]

Ooh.

[A]

And. But I don't know. I don't even know if that's good. But that's what I was. I didn't calm down until I found this reply. I haven't written it yet. Yes, I considered that too. But I'm being very ambitious with our day now.

[B]

You're thinking like a woman.

[A]

I'm thinking like a vow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is like, I can't. It's too emotionally costly for me to say. I like even. I hear you. I had all these other versions, and I wanted to be like, that's the one version that's not gonna work. The day is already overbooked, over planned. And really the hurt in that is like, I'm already over delivering. Don't you trust me?

[B]

Yeah, sure.

[A]

Don't you know that I want to. Like, by the way, this is all just like a little fantasy play. Somebody asked me a question.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I took it. Not on the surface, deep down, but deep down. There's a little man with all the major controls.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like. Like inside out. There's my brain. And then there's a little small guy doing the most impactful thing. He's hitting the flood, the face with heat. He's hitting the swarm, the wasps in the belly. He's hitting the tight in the jaw. It's doing all of it right. And it. So when I go in, it's not just navel gazing. It's like I need to really unearth what's going on here. And you talk to him, as you've taught me, emotional family system style. And you're like, what do you think? Internal family system style. What do you think is going on here? And he's like, this person is killing us.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So here's the good news, dear Friends, remember how we started this podcast? I was like, this is how I feel today. 10, not even. Well, yeah. 15 minutes ago. Because we've been recording about, well, 20 minutes. So about 30 minutes ago, I was feeling bad. I was feeling, you know, all the control towers were armed, cannons were blazing. I was ready to be mad. It's one of my favorite lines in Jesse James is he goes, are you upset? And he goes, I was getting ready to be mad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I love that line.

[B]

I love that too.

[A]

A Brad Pitt. So good. So I was getting ready to be mad that you were taking a while. You. You said, I need about 20, 30 minutes to clean up before we do this. I knew that didn't matter. The cannons were out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then it wants a dance partner.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Now Val doesn't understand. Doesn't she know, by the way, this is all to explain. It takes 7,000 times longer than it took to feel it.

[B]

I know. Yeah.

[A]

Just this little ember going off the fire where I'm like, so what did I do? And this is, I think, just the sort of thing that I wish. I feel emotional about it. When I was a kid and I was anxious all the time, and now I'm a grownup who's anxious some of the time. I just wish I knew. Breath. Mostly breath. And also what we've been talking about lately and which we talk about all the time. I was having some difficult emotions this week. And I know we talk about this all the time, but it. Every day there's a fresh batch of things to employ these strategies on. Like allowing it and like getting. Dropping any reference to the past, even any reference to your identity or your body, just be the knowing presence that you are.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And look at the feeling. And you see it's like. Oh, it's this kind of ribbon of prickly. Usually it's across the right side of my stomach or it's across my throat.

[B]

Yeah. Just noticing the quality of it.

[A]

Noticing the quality of it. And really. And this is so fucking nuts. Rupert Spira was explaining this in his book, you are the happiness you seek. It's a wonderful book. He talks about if you explore the nature of the sensation that you are saying is bad. Like it's. It's like a cold, icy sort. Whatever. You can actually get so close and so impartially curious about it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That you notice it's pleasant quality. It's crazy because you really go so depersonalized that you notice that it's just the same thing as everything that it's Energy.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And it's a.

[B]

It's just sensation.

[A]

It's. It's just sensation. And if you even. So let's say the sensation was because I dropped my toes and it landed face down. That's not what it was.

[B]

But let's say it was that adorable example.

[A]

Thank you very much. Well, in South America, I believe that means the devil is near. So. So that's true. But anyway.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. It's like a sign of bad luck, and they say it means the devil is near. It's very similar to, like, are your ears burning? It's like a. It might be Mexican. I think it's South American. But if you drop the idea of Pete and breakfast and toast and just naked in the garden. Look at the sensation.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

As the witnessing presence, you. You can. You can start feeling. It's like Ram Dass talks about how when a siren, like a fire truck goes by and he goes. If you know how to channel energy. And this is one of the things that's fun about Ram Dass is he gets kind of, like, weird and fun, like magical. He'll be like, you can get a rush out of that. You can let it in and allow it instead of covering your ears and hating it. I understand there's ear damage, but if it's far away enough, you can let it course through you and get a hit off of it. Same with a negative feeling. I'm going to put this all back to you, Val. I'm talking a lot, but I'm very excited. I did the. You put your hands up like a robbery, and then you pull them down to your shoulders as a fist, as if you're, like, pulling down energy. We've already covered this. And you breathe out your nose. Like, I did, like, I don't know, six rounds of that. It felt like I had been doing it an hour.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'd been doing it about five minutes.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Just rounds of 30, rounds of 40, rounds of 50. And when you're done on the last one, you breathe out all the way. And then I got this from Huberman, the Internet's neuroscientist, along in the mouth, and then out, pursed lips, he goes. That sends a signal to your nervous system, to your brain.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just calms you down. I did that about 30 times. Felt like nine hours. It was about three minutes. So we're looking at about under 10 minutes of breath work. And then. Yes, thank you. To the feeling. All of the knocks on the door going like. But Val doesn't understand or whatever. The email guy doesn't understand. Just. Okay, right now, just this, right now, just this. I see you. I'm not even ignoring. It's not la, la, la, la, la. It's like, I see you.

[B]

Yeah, here.

[A]

I'm going to gorge. That's the word that kept coming back. I'm going to gorge or feast on air. I'm going to give my body something not what it wants. It thinks it wants resolution. And it's like, actually, darling, you want this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And like, it completely changed everything. And I know we say this a lot on this podcast, but the brain wanted to go, like, let me think this way out. I'm going to draft the email perfectly. I'm going to find a way to say the word. Yes. That has its value. But what really did it was, was breath and allowing. Breath and allowing.

[B]

Yeah. Because the body knows how to process it and it does do it through breath. Everything is in the breath. That's why meditation is just focused on your breath. That's why, you know, people who aren't like, woo, woo, have really experienced total transformations with like, breath work. And why that's the thing that they tell you to do when you're in labor. Like, there's so much everything is in the breath. So what you did on, like a physiological level is you. You switched gears from being in your sympathetic nervous system to your parasympathetic nervous system. And. And then this is why I'm always like, the lesson that I'm always relearning. And relearning is like the. Only the name of the game is to just regulate your nervous system. And then literally everything else will fall into place. You'll know exactly what to do. You'll do it on a time that works for you.

[A]

You'll see better quality decisions when you're doing things.

[B]

When you're doing anything while you're dysregulated, it's like doing it with a blindfold on. You're not gonna be able to make any kind of good decision.

[A]

That's Tohrow. He's going. He. He takes you through. I learned that thing from him and I learned the thing from Huberman. But it's like we're. We're getting. We're stepping outside of our survival mind. Fight, flight, freeze.

[B]

That's right, your sympathetic nervous system.

[A]

Exactly. But to put it another way. And he goes, this is who you are without fear.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you go like, it's a really amazing little alarm system. Not little intricate alarm system that our bodies have to save Us and protect us from certain situations. And I'm really grateful to it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But. And, you know, I make this point on stage and we talk about. On the show. It's now misfiring, and it got an email and thought we were in mortal danger.

[B]

Well, yes, that's the thing.

[A]

Let's fix the thing that's sending that signal instead of the email. Let's fix the thing that's sending the signal.

[B]

Yeah. And be kind to it.

[A]

Of course, when I say fix, I mean let's accommodate it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Let's wrap it in a blanket and let's remind it, like a parent who's in charge.

[B]

Because the thing is, is your brain will still think that the email is actually the most urgent thing, but now that you're dysregulated, that is on top. That's the thing that has to be addressed before anything else can be addressed. And. Absolutely. Our fear systems were made. Leela and I were just watching the coolest show on Disney. It's called Queens. And it's like a, you know, kind of a nature show about, like, the female. The females of the animal kingdom and I. And it really is like, God, it's tough out there. It's like.

[A]

So you have to tell that story about which the lioness.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, totally. I will. But it's. Yeah, it's just like, God, we're. We. And we come from living where we're, like, always looking at how to get food, and there's predators in the bushes and they want our food. So, like, even when you're eating, it's like, that's when you have to be, like, on highest alert because there's another predator that's gonna try to get that meal that you just got. Like. And that's how we still live.

[A]

That's so.

[B]

We are.

[A]

So why Jingle all the Way? You know what I mean?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's why I think the movie Jingle all the Way. That's why there's Black Friday panic.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

These are manipulations.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so much is a manipulation of this little system.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they're. They're teaching you fear and depravity.

[B]

Yeah. And our. It's encoded in our system. So we just. It's easy for me to access compassion for it when I remember that. Because I go, you think we're in the jungle and you're just trying to keep me alive. Thank you for trying to keep me alive. But we're actually completely safe and. And breathing it out.

[A]

That's what I was gonna say. That to me doesn't work because.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Let me tell you this little detail about that email. I could have replied to that email in three weeks.

[B]

Right. That's the thing.

[A]

Like, it's not an urgent email, but your pain.

[B]

So to use like another way to look at it. So we. You are in the sympathetic nervous system, but also your pain body is activated and your pain body just wants more and more and more. And that's why it's looking at the clock to be like, well, she said 30 minutes and now it's been 35 minutes. And she doesn't care. Like, it's looking for things to resonate with that negative emotion. And that's why you need a total gear shift. It's like we have to flood this out with breath or we have to go for a walk or we like whatever it is to completely shift gears. I mean, you lit up everything in my brain. Because you're talking about exactly. What the podcast listeners know is 100% my jam, which is going back a little bit, is like feeling the feeling and it not feeling negative once you actually like. The hardest part is going into that pokey ribbon.

[A]

Yeah. The pokey cold ribbon.

[B]

Pokey cold ribbon. Which, by the way, little side note, Neil Allen's book, his first book. I think it's his first book. I don't know, his two books ago. The Shapes of Truth. Isn't that so interesting that that's what you were already naturally doing?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which is like he has discovered that when. Well. Or he's passing along this tradition of when people go into their feeling, they often have descriptions like that. And then what's really cool is they're like. There are through lines like it's like between people. Yeah. You're like, oh, yeah, it's pokey. When it's this specific feeling. Or it's, you know. Anyway, don't get overwhelmed.

[A]

Anyone listening. You don't really have to try to visualize it. I think when you do the breath, you'll. And kind of look for the feeling. It just happens. If that's the way.

[B]

Yeah. Honestly, all you. All you really have to do is like soften around it. It's not it Notice that you are resisting the feeling.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And just open to it. Even a crack. And then it. And then it starts to become less and less scary. It's that first opening, you know, that first crack opening that is the scariest. And the closer you get to the feel, the more it does just become a sensation. And it. And it. And it does feel pleasant because you're realizing in that moment, whoa, there's actually nothing to be afraid of. And, you know, different feelings, especially, like, if you're dealing with trauma and stuff, you want to do that sort of supervised. You don't want to do that alone because certain feelings will feel like they're, like, overwhelming. And then there's other tricks where you're titrating and you're thinking about the parts of your body that titrating is like, oscillating. Like, you're like, okay, I'm deep in the feeling. And now I'm gonna not focus on the feeling, and I'm gonna focus on my breath or the feeling of my feet. I'm gonna maybe get up on and, you know, stretch a little or walk around, and then I'll go back to it. So. But that's when you're dealing with, like, really, really big things. But yes, go ahead.

[A]

I just want to interject that one of the resistances to this that I've encountered is a superstition. And we realize that we're very superstitious. If I say yes to this discomfort or this thing that I don't want, am I welcoming in all kinds of catastrophe?

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And that's what my fear brain goes. So the thing that I. It wasn't an email, and it wasn't toast on the ground. It was a big thing, like a legit. Anyone would be like, oh, I'm so sorry that that's happening.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was working with that. And as I'm going, I'm going, yes. Thank you. Even to this, the pain has a lesson. This is growth. This is. This is a season. It's okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then it's going like, you really want to. You want to leave that door unlocked.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm like. I had to say. I was like, that's not how this works.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And you think it is.

[B]

Absolutely my version of that fear voice. It's like, what is the bodyguard at the door saying? And my bodyguard is saying something similar, but it's like you won't be able to pull yourself out of this. So it is like. It's the same thing. It's like the door will get open, you'll go into the feeling, and then you won't be able to come out of it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And that has never been true. It's only ever been true when I was running from the feeling that.

[A]

So why is it doing this little, you know, ball and cup game to keep you in a state that is unpleasant.

[B]

Yeah. Because the brain doesn't trust the body. And the body does know how to process these feelings and release them. But the brain, for most of us, we've cut our bodies off and the brain goes, no, no, no, no. You felt things that were bad when you were a kid. So I told you, you're not allowed to be in charge anymore. And now I'm completely in charge. And the brain is a dog that is barking at the door that doesn't realize that it's not helping the system.

[A]

By the way, Dan Soder. Everybody watched dan Soder's new YouTube special. He has a great bed. I won't ruin it. But he's like. He's talking about how much he loves his dog. And he's like, how funny is it? That used to be one of our predators. We've made wolves afraid of the doorbell. And I was like, that is like, I'm sorry, is that Mark Twain? Like, that seems like something.

[B]

Yeah, that's like a classic.

[A]

Genius would say so. It's called on the Road, Dan Soder. It's incredible. That's it. If you're looking for a laugh.

[B]

Yeah. So that.

[A]

It's on YouTube.

[B]

So. Yeah. So feeling into the sensation.

[A]

And I really wanted to do a bit. I'm doing it. No, no, keep going, keep going.

[B]

Sorry, My brain isn't ready for this many interjections. I can't switch.

[A]

I'm your phone.

[B]

Yes, you are my phone 100%, but, yes, I am. I'm really proud of you for. For shifting gears. Because that's the thing too, is we actually have more agency than we think we do. And it just takes, like, pausing and being. Because I know that exact state that you get in, and I get in it, too. We both are pretty easily overwhelmed by left brain stuff. Like when we're dealing with logistics and. Yeah, like, we got an email about our taxes yesterday. I had dreams about it. I was like, I don't. Because I read the email. And I was like, I don't understand a single word of this.

[A]

Are you on that email?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I didn't know you were on that email.

[B]

I don't understand a single word of it. And it's like, it's so stressful to me.

[A]

Oh, cut to me getting a business email being like, we can either give you this or we can give you 5% of this over 3. And I'm like, I like pizza. It's a wonder I can do any of it.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Don't get me started on that. You don't have to know everything. To occasionally you can be good at what you're doing, even if every once in a while you don't know what's happening and you just maintain a smile and you go, I'm gonna say this.

[B]

Yeah, I know. That's what I'm trying to learn from you is like, just pick one. Somebody said that about directing on some podcast that I listen to. I can't remember where they really. Yeah, they were like, you honestly, you know that there's going to be mistakes and you know that you can fix things in post. So you just kind of make a decision. No, it's to have to be a decisive person.

[A]

I think decisiveness. I think if anyone got that reference, you're the. You're the king of the day or the queen of the day. I think directing is confident uncertainty.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, that's a really great way.

[A]

To put it, but so is almost everything. Yeah, Confident uncertainty will get you through a lot.

[B]

Okay, so irons in the fire. I want to talk about my appointments.

[A]

Okay, I'll write it down. We'll go to the mids.

[B]

And then I guess if you want, I can tell that lioness story. I just couldn't tell it. And remember my.

[A]

No, we'll do your. We'll do your appointments. What else do I have? I wanted to talk about Leila's drop off and that strategy. We haven't really talked about how that really worked.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then. Oh, I thought it said husband Huberman. We already covered that. So when we come back, Val has a very interesting story. She had an appointment with a very freaky dicky. Not freaky dicky, but, you know, very interesting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we'll be right back. If you like the show, it means a lot, try a Peterson pick. Katie, of course this episode is brought to us by our friends. I say of course because I'm always wearing and always talking about the perfect jean. The best looking, best made, highest quality, and the best feeling and best fitting jeans or pants I've ever owned in my life. Of course I'm wearing them right now because I wear them every single day. They have all different kinds of washes. They have all different kinds of cuts. They're incredibly, incredibly well made. The highest craftsmanship. I've worn them on red carpets. I've worn them on late night shows. I've also taken naps in them because that's how comfortable they are. They have a little bit of rayon, a little bit of spandex in there to give you some stretch so your nuts ain't crushed. Meaning you can look good and also feel good. The perfect gene has you covered. Liberate your lower limbs with the one and only perfect gene. If you got a three leaf clover, a big old honkin eggplant down there, it doesn't matter. Give it some room. Be kind to your body and wear pants that are comfortable enough to do yoga in. But you can also go on a beautiful date or even a business meeting in them. I absolutely love these pants. It's a great way to support the show. Who listening doesn't wear jeans? So try some perfect jeans or give perfect jeans to someone you love. We have a great offer. You can get 15% off by going to the perfect gene. J E A N. Don't go to G E N E. That's that's a science website. I'm sure. ThePerfectGene NYC that's the perfect J E A N dot NYC and use code weirdo15. I use this promo code all the time because I always. They have khaki wash, they have light wash, they have skinny, they have whatever. They have it all. Get some pants. Support your body, support your lower limbs, support the show. We're also brought to us by our friends. No surprise here. I also have this. All the pizza picks you know I use and love. This is Magic Mind you hear me talking about on the show all the time. I'm trying to give it to my guests. Why? Because Magic mind isn't just an energy drink. It's a productivity drink. It is nootropics which is like vitamins for your brain. Earth grown stuff. It's Matcha which is about as much caffeine as half a cup of coffee. And it is adaptogens like Ashwagandha that help you calm down. So it puts you in that peak state. Elevated but also relaxed dialed in. Athletes have Gatorade now. Creators have creator aid. Magic Mind. It's also in my carry on. I'm about to go on a trip. I never miss a day. The more you use it, the more it builds, the more you feel those results. I find it to be hugely mood elevating. I find it to be the perfect state to get some work done. I also sometimes just take it when I'm hanging out with my friends because I want to have energy and I want to have clarity. It isn't jittery, it is dialed in. So try it. I swear it is a life changer. Go to MagicMind Co weird and use my discount code weird at checkout for a limited time. 20% off your first order. That's magicmind. Co weird and promo code weird. We're back. All right, Valerie.

[B]

So I had. It's called an net appointment Neuro emotional technique, but it also used other things that I. I. I guess maybe are part of an ET But I've had it before where it's like a muscle test where you hold these vials of things, and they're. They're supposed to have that frequency that, like, kind of. I. I'm gonna butcher this. Just so you know, I'm guessing at what it is.

[A]

Oh, vials?

[B]

Yeah, little vials.

[A]

Auditing Scientology machine. But, like, something that has a mineral or something in it.

[B]

It's. It's. It might be. It might also just be, like, somehow it's holding the frequency of this idea. It's very, like, Joe Dispenza. So it's holding the frequency of. And it can be literally anything from, like, shame to, like, rice.

[A]

From shame to rice. A book no one's picking up. These vials can be shame. They can be quinoa. Maybe it's guilt. Maybe it's lemon zest.

[B]

It really is like that. Yeah, but please don't, like, don't judge anything based on my description of this. You should listen to somebody who actually knows what they're talking about, because. And it really. Like, I did hold one for different types of food because it's just a way of communicating with your body about what it's holding emotionally, emotionally, and, like, physically what's going on. If you're having food intolerances, if there's any sort of viruses or parasites happening. And. And. But then there's also the emotional component.

[A]

To it and to tip the ending just a little bit to keep people engaged in case this sounds so weird. It was right on the money.

[B]

Like, it was 100% right on the money. Yeah.

[A]

We're doing these things with someone, almost like a psychic reading, but they're giving you vials to hold, and they're listening.

[B]

To my own body's response to it.

[A]

So you're holding your arm out and you hold a certain thing.

[B]

And I've done this before also. I want to say the. The guy who did this, the doctor who did this, was the opposite of a kook. Like, not a kooky, freaky deaky person at all. Like, a very intelligent person who was. Who did explain to me what is actually happening. It's just. It was a lot of information, so I didn't totally absorb it, and I tend to be like, whatever, okay, I trust you. So so you hold your arm out straight, and he's pushing on your arm to see if there's resistance. And then the second there's. And I can feel it, like, it's.

[A]

Like a weakening when he changes the thing you're holding.

[B]

Yeah. And he. And he also just specifically asks your body questions. Like. Like, there was one when we did the, like, diet stuff, it was like, okay, caffeine. And it's like, it's strong, so that means I can have some caffeine. And he's like, do it.

[A]

Caffeine.

[B]

Yeah. One to two days, two to four days, five to six days. And, like, waited until it was. It was, like, weak to gauge how many days a week I can have caffeine.

[A]

Interesting. I wonder if that would work reverse. Because there's the fatigue of holding your arm out. I'm just playing skeptic.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

Could he go every single day? Oh, every single day is okay. Like, if the question is the thing that weakens it, you could do it in reverse order. I'd love to ask him.

[B]

Yeah. And it's a different type of weakening, I would guess.

[A]

It's not fatigue.

[B]

It's not. No, it's not fatigue because it's instant. And then it goes back. It's like, what? Like. And my arm was getting tired, so I thought the same thing. I was like, is there a degree of this where my arm. Like, But. And I'm sure he has really great answers for that, but it's happening so fast. He's, like, reading it like a.

[A]

Your arm isn't out there long enough for you to be like. And he's like, and you'll give me a million dollars? And it went down.

[B]

Yeah. No. And, in fact, another reason why I completely trusted him was first I did this biofeedback machine where I put my hand on this metal thing. And then from that, it just, like, pulled up all this analysis about my body. Most and all of it. I had actually. I had just seen an integrative doctor where I got these blood tests and these poop tests and all these things, and it was consistent with that. It was like, you have heavy metals. You have. You know, like. I was like, yeah, I actually know.

[A]

What I was gonna say. And then he didn't try to sell you a million something.

[B]

That's what I was getting to. He just interrupted.

[A]

I thought it sounded like you were done. So, in fact, most of the time I'm interrupting, it just sounded like you.

[B]

Were done because I was taking a breath.

[A]

This is my impression of someone who's done? That's it. They're done.

[B]

God. So in that biofeedback machine was like, you're gonna like, these are the five medication supplements, tinctures, things that it recommended for me. And he's like, but don't worry, we'll test that at the end with the body, with the muscle test. So then he did, and I only ended up needing one. But he very easily could have said, like, yeah, you need all of these things.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But he's like, actually, you. You're doing really good. You only need, like, this one thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it, like, wasn't very expensive. And I was like, okay, so I. I kind of trust you anyway. Also, I trusted him because everything he said was right on the money. And the main thing I wanted to share about this is that, first of all, I love the idea that we're just talking to the body about what it's holding, and there's many different ways that we can do this. This is just one of the ways we can do this. But, like, we forget that this body is not. It's not a meat puppet. It is this living organism that has its own intelligence and is working for us. It's trying to keep us here. And it's loving, so it's our ally. And the things that it's holding, it's holding as if to, like, save it for us, for when we're ready and able to process it. It's like. It's a beautiful. It just was like, another thing that made me feel that loving connection to my body.

[A]

This is very tied to what we were talking about earlier.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. And then the other thing that I wanted to say about it is very tied to what we were talking about, which is it did feel like progress, and I can't always do it, but I've gotten a lot better over these last six years, basically, of doing somatic therapy where I was. He. He used the muscle test to see what my body was holding and specifically. And then where it was holding and everything it was holding was in the stomach, which is, like, exactly right. Like, I know that's right. My. I have all these stomach issues because of this emotional component. And. And so then he would have me hold a vial up to my stomach, hold my hand to my head, and just like. He's like, just think about this. He would. It would be a word of an emotion. This wasn't one of mine. But I'll. I'll use this as an example. I feel like it's I feel like it's a little too personal to say the actual words right now, but, like, this wasn't one of mine. But if it was, like, shame. And he's like, okay, now just focus on. And then he would ask the body, like, what age? And give the, like, you know, 0 to 3, 3 to 6, and, like, wait until it got weak. And then so he's like, think about, you know, shame when you were 13 years old or whatever, and just now sit and hold this to your stomach and hold this to your head and, like, you know, sort of get the frequency of that in your body. And I would. And I wasn't, like, telling stories of, like, getting myself all worked up or whatever. I actually didn't even really cry that I could feel these huge waves of emotion. And I've had this in therapy, too, where it just, like, my body. It literally feels like my body is, like, throwing these things out of trunks, like scarves, and, like, just like, getting it all out and, like. And is like, oh, my God, thank God. I'm so done with holding this. So it was like these heat, huge waves of. Of sensation because I wasn't feeling. I wasn't afraid of the feeling. I knew this is where I was like, hey, there's a little progress there. I wasn't afraid of the feelings, and I wasn't standing in their way. I knew this was good. And it was, like, ready to release. And I think that's. That's the real turn is we often think that we're having a feel. Oh, my God. We're having a feeling. We're gonna, like, this is gonna be so uncomfortable, and we're just gonna get stuck here, and it's this big, solid thing that's just gonna stay and it's actually coming up because it wants to come out. And the thing to do is. I've said it so many times on the podcast, but is to soften and not get in the body's way. This is a good thing. Your body is ready to let this go. Otherwise you wouldn't be feeling it. But you do have to feel it to. To release it. And. But you don't if. But you get to feel it without the story. So then it really is. Feels good. It's like a sensation. So I was having these huge waves, and it was wild, and I was breathing, and I just was noticing what my body. I was, like, observing my body breathing. I wasn't giving any sort of notes of how to breathe, and it was different based on which emotion I Was releasing and, like, so one of them was just, like, a long, like. And it was just doing it and releasing and feeling so good. Another one of them, I instantly just went into this, like, fast through the nose. Like, I was like. And it was like, whoa. And my body just, like, knew what.

[A]

Breath threw the keys to your body.

[B]

For a change, 100%. And it knew specifically what breath. And then the breath, like, transformed as the feeling was slowing down. And it felt. The closest thing to compare it to was, like, labor. Like, where my body was sort of doing this very powerful thing, and my job was to just try to stay out of its way.

[A]

Like, physical labor.

[B]

Like, when I was in labor yard work. Oh, my gosh. Yeah. And I. And. And then it was also, like, labor, because there's this feeling, like, you always get to a point with contractions where I remember our doula said, instead of saying ow, which I, like, clearly was going like, oh. She's like, can you try to say wow?

[A]

Because it's like, I remember you doing that.

[B]

Yeah. And it really was a wow. You're just like. Like, it's the most powerful thing, and it's happening to your body, and you're like, wow. Oh, my gosh. How? In that. Yeah. And that's what that felt like. It was like, truly, I was having these emotions that were coming up, and they weren't even unpleasant, but I was like, that is so big. I can't believe that was in my body. Like, whoa. It would just felt, like, so big. And what was beautiful was he was, like, spraying. I did think I. I, like, got out of it just a little bit to make this joke. But, like, he was, like, spraying all these things to sort of, like, clear my energetic field. And. And he was doing, like, Reiki stuff to clear it, which was also a reason why I definitely felt safe enough to let this out, because I could feel him being in there with me, you know, And. But he sprayed this one thing, and it was clearly had, like, rosemary extract. And so I'm like. And I, like, in my head, imagined going like, is that rosemary? But, yeah, so it was very powerful. And then after that, in ET he'd also did some chiropractic stuff. And then he had me, and it was, like, two hours of working energetically and all this stuff. And. And then he had me walk down the hall to, like, I don't know, like, a reset. And I. Before he said it, I was like, whoa, my body feels so light. Like, I felt like I was in a different body. And then he was like, you might notice your body feels a little lighter. And I was like, yes. I'm like, I. I was like, floating. It was so cool. And I'll. That was two days ago. And I'll say, like, I feel completely.

[A]

What is it called again? If anyone's interested in trying it net right now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

See, in the Toro world, that means no extra time, but. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, but this one's a good. This is a good.

[A]

What does it stand for?

[B]

Neuro Emotional Technique.

[A]

Because I don't want people finding no extra time.

[B]

Yeah. Another great reset that I wanted to share is it was unintentional, but especially if you're like, in that left brain, right brain thing. First of all, exercising, I always forget it, like, opens my heart, and I think it does that for a lot of people because it gets you in your body. So I danced and of course that's like good vibes in a lot of different ways. And then you had dropped me off, so I was walking home from the gym, which is a pretty long walk, and it was raining.

[A]

I sound good in this story.

[B]

And I was.

[A]

Enjoy your walk home.

[B]

I think you actually did bring up no extra time when we were deciding for me to walk.

[A]

Yeah. Because you said, that'll interrupt your workday. And I said, no, I'll do no extra time. I'll pitch you some of the ideas. I'm thinking about when I pick you up. Because you were like, you'll work for 30 minutes and pick me up, which you knew would be very disruptive.

[B]

And it ended up being such a gift because this was like a total reset. And I. I think it. There's the novelty of it, like, wow, I'm walking in the rain. But I was listening to a podcast and I was like, no, this isn't right. So I put on. I think it was the florist. I put on, like, beautiful music. And. And I remember Josh Radner has a thing in one of his movies, or maybe he said it in something else where he figured out, like, listen. Listening to classical music when he's walking around New York City is like a winning combo. Like, everything feels intentional and, like just perfect and beautiful. And of course, that's. I'm like, I'm walking it home in Ojai in the rain and listening to beautiful music. And I was just like, there I am. That's a hundred percent my purest, most inspired, most romantic original, like childhood 17 year old, like, just like absolutely in love with everything version of myself. So that seems like a good reset, too. Is like, go for a walk in nature and look at and listen to, like, stunning music.

[A]

Yeah. My relationship to music has really been transformed since my toro phase. Phase. Whatever you want to call it, in that, like, I still love the National. I'm just listening to a lot less Phoebe Bridgers in the national and. And Radiohead or whatever. There's nothing wrong with any of those musics.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And a lot of them can pump you up, but, like, I don't know, it's. It's the same thing you're saying is I'm like, can I listen to something? And on the way to school, can I get Leela listening to something that's a little bit like, yes. And even as a comedian, I hear them playing loud music before I'm going on stage, and sometimes I'm like, I don't know about this. And now I've been like, no, this is what it is. Like, let's get into, like, a. A better state.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that's maybe been the missing piece. Well, no, that hasn't, because you. You would listen to the, like, music to get you and to. To calm you down.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But you're discovering that you can also listen to music to inspire you, to pump you up to.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, And I think what music is both an upper and a downer.

[A]

And I'm starting to trust Energized Pete more. I think I've had an unconscious, limiting belief, which is, like, if you have a lot of energy, you're going to use that to torture yourself. You won't be able to focus. You won't be able to, like, manage your feelings. Everything's going to bother you because you'll have too much energy. How many times have I told you in our relationship, I'm like. Like, I'm uncomfortable with, like, my testosterone and, like, my anger and all this stuff. So these strategies that I didn't even know I was using.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Until I took an inventory. I was, like, jerking off to try and, like, be calm. I remember it's funny you mentioned Josh Radner, which makes you think of Zach Braff and that sort of time. And there was an episode of Scrubs where Turk is going to do surgery, and the. The zesty doctor, the redhead is like, you know, what really calms your nerves is. Is masturbation. And it's just kind of like a joke, or. It's not even a joke. There is some science to that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, it does lower your testosterone. It does drop you in a little bit more. And I realized since I Was a kid, I'm like, listen to, like, slow, low music. Don't be horny, don't be juiced, don't exercise. And it was like. And then we can keep everything nice and low.

[B]

Wow. That was your version of playing small.

[A]

Exactly. But what I'm realizing is energy. I know I've said this a million times, but it's been a big breakthrough for me. Energy doesn't look. Always look like Brad Pitt. It's not like, burn after reading.

[B]

Right. It's not like mania.

[A]

It's not mania. And it's not even like, I'm gonna go on a run or like. Or I'm. I'm gonna play rugby or. Or I'm gonna flip out at somebody. Energy. When you can use it and engage with it and practice using all different kinds of energy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is weird, but energy can be used to calm down.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Because energy. Another thing I was doing when I was in my little email freakout was I was looking for gratitude moments. Like, just reliving little moments, not even in a structured way. I was just remembering our trip to Mexico is what I was thinking about. And how beautiful that room was and the smell of the air and just feeling that gratitude. And guess what? If I'm jerking it and listening to slow music and just trying to stay as low to the ground as possible, I don't have the energy to find gratitude because I'm just very like. Like me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But if I. If I. So you get juiced, but you use the juice to calm yourself down. It takes energy to do breath work.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

So like, I'm listening to music that's upbeat. A lot of dance music these days. A lot of, like, the music Leela loves. Don't want to live as an unknown story In a blaze of glory I can't hear.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So that music used to be something that I would like, you know, enjoy, because Leela was enjoying it. Yeah. Put up with it is one way to put it. And now I'm listening to it when I'm by myself because it's energy doesn't have one use.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And you can use it to get centered, get calm, get grounded, and feel good. Feel equanimity.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But it takes energy to do that as well. And then the dulling of my senses by not exercising, by jerking off all those things by eating too much and dulling myself isn't actually a great place. It's been my strategy to, like, shovel as much snow over my body that I'm still. But it's Better to get glowing white. Like, glowing white, golden blue light, whatever you want to say. Scanning your body, getting in touch with your body, getting in touch with your breath, getting in touch with your gratitude. And tactilely, being in the chair you're in or whatever it is can be used to be at peace as well. This really feels like a big breakthrough for me. Peace isn't numbness and energy. Isn't Brad Pitt with the headphones in pumping his arms up, burn after reading. That annoys me.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But you don't have to do that.

[B]

No, it's just, like, aliveness. It's vitality.

[A]

And you can use that life force, that prana or whatever you want to call it, to be chill, but it's a. It's a better quality chill. I'm jerking it so much less. Since my vasectomy, I was like, I don't. The first time you. It was together. But the first time you have a. Oh, my God. But the first time you use your wanger after a mastectomy every. I know. It gets worse, but you're like, is it gonna come out like Febreze? Like, what. What is it gonna be? Like? It's scary. Like, you said the first time you use anything after having a baby.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

You're like, is it. Am I. Is it gonna work?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I've just been. This is weird to say, but maybe it's not weird to say. I. I've just been like, get rid of it. Get rid of sexual energy because it's a distraction.

[B]

You've been. You were feeling that a lot of my life. Yeah.

[A]

Like, if you're gonna write or do a show, get rid of that. Don't have that. And now I'm like, no, let's, like, let's work with the. The tiger. That. Not the tiger. Sexual energy, but the tiger's all the energies.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Let's ride it. Let's go on a ride. And if I want, you can ride the tiger through a very tranquil Dutch village with windmills and just smell the flowers. You know? You can.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But it actually takes energy to be calm. Like a good calm, a quality calm.

[B]

Not a sedated, but just a present.

[A]

Yeah. Not numb.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But good. And I. I've really. I don't know. I feel like. Let me put it this way. This is the podcast I would have needed to hear. So that's what we're sharing.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

And I hope people are enjoying it. I wanted to say one other thing about you. Your thing, your body and its Intuitive wisdom. And this isn't. This might sound. I could see someone saying this to discredit what you did, but I'm actually not. But it reminds me of a Ouija board. But let's be real. People have very freaky, throw this away scary experiences with Ouija boards. And I think it might be like, let's let the body answer some questions.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So, like, there's something in the effective way that I'm like, maybe that's where things like Ouija boards get their juice, is you're asking questions and then you're allowing the. The wisdom of your body to control.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because everybody knows, you know, you're unconsciously or however you want to say you're going towards the. Yes or whatever. I know in horror movies, it, like, scrapes over, but in reality, you're, like, you're letting a deeper or a different wisdom answer questions, which is what it sounds like you were doing.

[B]

I would believe that for sure, I think. And there's people. There's, like, stories of. Even Lisa Gunger, our friend, has a story about going through this thing where this certain, like, this very, like, trippy, hard moment in life where this certain song was playing, and then, like, a week later, being in a movie theater and the same song started playing and, like, her body, like, started moving by itself.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Like, it was like. Like working this thing out. It's. It's.

[A]

No, that's.

[B]

Bodies are. Our bodies are living things.

[A]

The man, the wonderful man, ex marine who administered my 5 Meo ceremony has a very specific playlist that he was playing. It was really cool. And he said, you know, just be mindful that these songs are now imprinted in you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I heard this song that I was listening to on my first five Meo trip while I was driving in the car, and it's just a normal day, and next thing I know, I'm just bawling.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Like, having this incredibly intense experience. Which is funny, because when I do my priming in the morning, I listen to the song from my five Meo thing because it puts me in this place. Really, it is so with it.

[B]

Yeah. All right, everybody. There you go. There you go. There's a podcast for you.

[A]

There's a podcast. Baby, we're so glad you're here. Valerie, take us home.

[B]

All right, babies. Keep it crispy. It.