You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
We Made It Weird #182
June 28, 2024
Episode Overview
In this deeply candid, hilarious, and heartfelt episode, Pete Holmes and his wife Val take listeners on a freewheeling journey through language quirks, nostalgia, trauma healing, generational patterns, and the weirdness of family life. The conversation oscillates between lighthearted banter (the “party in the front”) and honest exploration of personal growth, trauma, and healing (the “business in the back”)—making for what the hosts call “a mullet” of an episode.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. The "Mullet" Episode and Language Weirdness
[00:23-02:42]
- Pete and Val joke about pronouncing “mullet” (“mullet” vs “mullet”) and “almond”, playfully analyzing East Coast accents and language idiosyncrasies.
- Val teases Pete for not pronouncing the L in “almond,” sparking banter about regionalisms.
- Pete reflects on his Boston roots and the humility of remembering, “Don’t forget, you might be wrong.”
“This episode is a mullet. There’s so much laughing up top. Ugh. Premium.”
— Pete, [00:30]
2. Nostalgia: MySpace, Top 8, and Early Internet
[08:14-24:48]
- The hosts reminisce about MySpace—customizing pages, picking Top 8 friends, and early online flirtations.
- Val shares a teen crush story involving an online musician friend, the drama of “top eight,” and the concerns about online catfishing.
“I wish I could be in your top eight.”
— Pete, [21:20]
- They fondly acknowledge the formative weirdness and innocence of internet adolescence.
Language-Driven Tangents on Pens and Tetris
[13:33-17:34]
- Extended, whimsical riffing on the pleasures of writing with a bold Sharpie vs. a light ballpoint pen.
- Pete compares writing with a Sharpie to the satisfaction of fitting a long piece in Tetris: "That pen is a Tetris."
- The segment becomes a playful analogy about personalities and preferences ("weak pen, no good"), poking fun at Trump and debate culture.
3. "Turtles All The Way Down": Reality, Wonder, and Parenting
[25:35-28:49]
- Pete introduces the “turtles all the way down” myth—a metaphor for the endless questions about reality and existence.
- The couple relates this to parenting, recounting playing “the why game” with their daughter Lila, which quickly turns philosophical about kindness, connection, and the unity of everything.
“It’s turtles all the way down, my brother.”
— Pete, [27:27]
4. Family Patterns, Trauma, and Self-Compassion
[34:08–58:40]
- Pete opens up about recent therapy, trauma work, and re-experiencing childhood emotions after a trip to Boston to see his parents.
- They discuss how trauma shapes coping strategies and beliefs ("It's probably trauma"), emphasizing the importance of feeling through rather than intellectualizing old pains.
- They draw parallels between spiritual awakening and trauma healing—both seeking presence, freedom from old constraints, and self-acceptance.
“One of the crazy revelations I think I’ve had from doing this trauma work is recognizing you were developing all these coping and survival strategies... Trauma work is your grown up self saying to that version of you, my love, we don’t need that belief anymore.”
— Pete, [39:17]
- Val reflects on the overlap between spiritual practice and trauma therapy, describing her own journey of learning to "go in and through" difficult feelings to find a love that "can hold everything, even the worst, darkest thing."
— Val, [43:32]
- They explain the difficult integration process of “the child self” and “the adult self,” using metaphors of being in two boats at once, and the destabilizing feeling of “wobbly ground.”
“It really was like you were in the child boat most of the time. And now you’ve stepped into the adult self boat and you’re trying to balance two wobbly boats without them drifting apart.”
— Val, [55:31]
- Pete describes the difficulty of reoccupying the adult self during family visits, how old patterns can be instantly reactivated by parents, and the exhausting (but transformative) work of not falling back into those roles.
5. Family Visits: Protective Instincts and Small Victories
[67:21–78:10]
- Pete tells stories from their trip, emphasizing Val’s insight: “In this family, parents bend toward the children, not the other way around.” This becomes a contrast with his own childhood dynamic.
- They deconstruct an incident where Pete tries to give his mom a coffee, only to be met with rejection—unpacking how these recurring patterns fostered anxiety and “protector” parts in Pete.
- Compassionate exploration of generational trauma, codependence, and the resolve to break cycles as parents themselves.
“She’s asking me, can you hold some of my pain, here, I’ll give it to you. And the problem is, no, I can’t. No. Because I’m your son and I actually need something very different from you.”
— Pete, [81:48]
6. Breaking the Cycle: Consciously Parenting and Healing
[83:13–88:16]
- Val affirms Pete’s commitment to not repeating unhealthy patterns with their daughter Lila, underlining the deep importance of meeting one’s own inner child’s needs in order not to project onto the next generation.
“You are stopping it right here and saying, okay, I can meet my own needs. I can go in, give my child self everything he needs so that I will not look externally and put that burden on anyone else, especially not a child.”
— Val, [87:19]
- They discuss the discomfort, courage, and gradual change involved in trauma healing, drawing analogies to heroic quests and affirming the role of friends as your “team” holding the line.
7. Humor, Pop Culture, and Comic Relief
Throughout
- The episode is laced with comedic digressions:
- Political impressions and debate gags (Trump, Biden, “pantsing” politicians) [32:09–34:08].
- Riffing on “Operation Avalanche,” Matt Johnson, and Nirvana the Band the Show [62:23–67:21].
- Playful debate about coffee (“pot of black”), Tetris, and casino metaphors for therapy and trauma healing (“jackpot is the tears, therapist is the dealer”) [92:09].
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On generational trauma:
“The pain pattern... is the child is expected to bend toward the parent... and so then the child—whose survival depends on the parent—never gets their needs met. So then they look to their child to meet their needs again. And then they grow up and their needs have never been met.”
— Val, [86:51] -
On self-compassion & therapy:
“I’m spending a lot of time asking my child self, what was that like? ...and doing a lot of a gentle man crying—the good kind of mansplaining, I don't know... Trauma work is the motherf—king same thing [as spiritual practice].”
— Pete, [38:10]/[40:36] -
On humor as survival:
“I’m trying to send in love soldiers. It doesn’t matter. There’s gonna be casualties. You wanna give her a coffee? I’m sorry. The mission is hand her a coffee.”
— Pete, [80:11] -
On healing and friends:
“I’m going into the cave, but there’s a series of ropes tied around my waist, and I have my people standing outside with their hands on the rope, and I can tug on that rope... and remember that I’m not alone.”
— Val, [90:12]
Timestamps of Significant Segments
- [00:23–02:42] — Mullet episode intro, language quirks, banter
- [08:14–24:48] — MySpace nostalgia, top 8, online relationships
- [13:33–17:34] — Pen preferences, Tetris analogy, humor
- [25:35–28:49] — "Turtles all the way down," philosophy, parenting and wonder
- [34:08–58:40] — Boston trip, trauma work, therapy/spirituality crossover, childhood roles
- [67:21–78:10] — Parenting moments, breaking family patterns, stories from the trip
- [80:59–84:35] — Coffee story, emotional fallout, compassion for parents and self
- [86:51–88:16] — Conscious parenting, ending trauma cycles
- [90:12–91:02] — Analogy of friends as “the team,” hero’s journey of trauma work
Tone & Style
The episode embodies Pete and Val’s signature mix of earnest self-examination, irreverent humor, digressive play, and philosophical wonder. While the subject matter dives deep into intergenerational wounds and self-growth, the mood is frequently lifted by absurdist tangents, loving teasing, and mutual encouragement.
For listeners who haven’t heard the episode:
This is an especially rich, honest, and funny entry in the series, exemplifying Pete & Val’s openhearted approach to personal weirdness, family legacy, and the bumpy—often hilarious—path toward healing.