We Made It Weird #201

Summary

You Made It Weird #201: Exploring Holiday Quirks, Spirituality, and Personal Well-being with Pete Holmes

Released December 14, 2024

In episode #201 of "You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes," host Pete Holmes engages in a candid and humorous conversation with his co-host Valerie. The episode delves into a variety of topics, including the peculiarities of holiday traditions, critical analyses of classic Christmas songs, reflections on spirituality and religion, and personal insights into sleep and well-being. Below is a detailed summary capturing the essence of their discussions, enriched with notable quotes and timestamps.

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1. Welcoming the Holidays and Setting the Tone [00:00 - 05:19]

Pete and Valerie kick off the episode with their signature cheerful greetings, blending multilingual well-wishes and playful banter. They briefly mention Pete's recent performances, thanking fans and referencing shows in locations like Largo and Utah. Although portions of the transcript during this segment pertain to advertisements, the hosts maintain an engaging and festive atmosphere to welcome listeners into the holiday season.

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2. Recalling Past Conversations and Introducing the Season [05:19 - 09:05]

Valerie prompts Pete to remember previous discussions from the past year, hinting at recurring themes that resurface during this time. The conversation touches upon the inevitability of certain topics returning annually, setting the stage for their deep dive into holiday-related subjects.

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3. Delving into "Sexy Favorite Things" [09:05 - 19:58]

a. The "Sexy Favorite Things" Concept

Pete and Valerie discuss their comedic bits centered around quirky and humorous favorite things. They explore phrases like "schnitzel with noodles," dissecting their absurdity and comedic potential.

b. The Battle of Language and Meaning

The duo humorously debates the meanings behind certain phrases, showcasing their quick wit and chemistry.

Notable Quote:

• Valerie exclaims at [07:24], "Doorknobs is on the list."

c. Transitioning Back to Main Topics

As the discussion progresses, they seamlessly transition back to their main topics, maintaining a lively and entertaining dialogue.

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4. Critical Analysis of Christmas Songs [19:58 - 35:03]

a. "Jingle Bells" as the Quintessential Christmas Song

Pete asserts that "Jingle Bells" stands as the number one Christmas song, though he humorously acknowledges it's technically a sleigh ride song.

Notable Quote:

• Pete remarks at [20:09], "Jingle Bells is not a Christmas song. It's a snow song. It's a sleigh ride song."

b. "Baby, It's Cold Outside" - A Controversial Classic

The conversation turns to "Baby, It's Cold Outside," where Pete and Valerie dissect the song's lyrics and their modern implications regarding consent and societal norms.

Notable Quote:

• Valerie comments at [22:24], "This is madness. This is like, this is probably."

c. The Role of Religious Themes in Christmas Music

They explore how Christmas songs intertwine with Christian theology, critiquing the incorporation of religious elements into mainstream holiday music.

Notable Quote:

• Pete notes at [35:03], "Christ our Savior was born on Christmas Day," highlighting the blend of religious and secular themes.

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5. Spirituality and Reflections on Christianity [35:03 - 43:11]

a. Institutionalized Religion vs. Personal Spirituality

Pete and Valerie delve into the complexities of organized religion, particularly Christianity, discussing the cognitive dissonance they perceive between personal beliefs and institutional doctrines.

Notable Quote:

• Pete observes at [36:57], "It's like a stapled onto the bill like you are God's child."

b. Modern Interpretations of Religious Texts

They discuss contemporary views on religious teachings, referencing figures like Rupert Spira and Meister Eckhart to emphasize personal spiritual journeys over rigid doctrines.

Notable Quote:

• Pete explains at [43:11], "He doesn't step it out like this. This is me stepping it out."

c. The Universal Access to Spirituality

Valerie brings up Liz Gilbert's perspective on everyone having equal access to channeling higher powers, advocating for a more individualized approach to spirituality.

Notable Quote:

• Valerie states at [39:36], "I heard Liz Gilbert saying, I don't know if it was on... everyone has access to that."

---

6. Navigating Sleep and Personal Well-being [43:11 - 54:05]

a. The Importance of Quality Sleep

Pete shares his personal struggles with sleep, emphasizing the impact of sleep quality on mood and daily functioning. He introduces solutions like mouth tape to enhance breathing and sleep quality.

Notable Quote:

• Pete exclaims at [46:24], "I got a fantastic night's sleep last night, and that's in large part because I've started using mouth tape."

b. Utilizing Tools for Better Rest

Discussion includes practical tools like the Shakti mat, which Pete credits with helping him reset his day and alleviate stress through muscle relaxation and improved circulation.

Notable Quote:

• Pete enthuses at [52:38], "I just wanted to for everyone listening... it's just like, a speck of dust on a projector."

---

7. Personal Anecdotes on Parenting and Relationships [54:05 - 61:18]

a. Challenges of Parenting During Holidays

Valerie and Pete share heartfelt stories about parenting, particularly the difficulties of managing children's emotions during the hectic holiday season.

Notable Quote:

• Valerie reflects at [62:16], "I think she said she's been saying more things like that lately where she's like, how come you're the one that makes all the decisions."

b. Balancing Personal Needs with Family Responsibilities

They discuss the delicate balance between attending to their own well-being and fulfilling parental duties, emphasizing empathy and understanding in their parenting approach.

---

8. Integrating Creativity and Self-Awareness [61:18 - 43:11]

a. The Role of Self-Reflection in Creativity

Pete and Valerie explore how self-awareness and personal habits influence their creative processes, sharing insights into how they prepare and maintain their comedic performances.

Notable Quote:

• Pete shares at [57:13], "Show business to me is delivering your personality in a certain state at a certain time."

b. The Impact of Physical and Mental Health on Creativity

They touch upon the importance of physical health tools and mental practices in sustaining creativity and managing stress.

---

9. Concluding Thoughts and Holiday Wishes [64:42 - End]

As the episode winds down, Pete and Valerie revisit the themes discussed, offering final reflections on the challenges and joys of the holiday season. They emphasize kindness, moderation, and the importance of maintaining personal well-being amidst the festivities.

Notable Quote:

• Pete concludes at [65:05], "Be gentle and kind. Don't drink too much wine. Don't forget Christmas is hard."

---

Key Takeaways:

• Humor in Tradition: Pete and Valerie use humor to dissect and understand holiday traditions, making light of common phrases and classic songs.

• Critical Thinking: The episode encourages listeners to critically evaluate the messages conveyed through popular media, especially during culturally significant times like Christmas.

• Personal Growth: Emphasis on self-awareness, personal well-being, and the importance of balancing individual needs with familial responsibilities.

• Spiritual Exploration: A nuanced discussion on spirituality vs. institutional religion, advocating for a personalized and inclusive approach to spiritual beliefs.

Notable Quotes Recap:

• "Jingle Bells is not a Christmas song. It's a snow song. It's a sleigh ride song." – Pete [20:09]

• "This is madness. This is like, this is probably." – Valerie [22:24]

• "I got a fantastic night's sleep last night, and that's in large part because I've started using mouth tape." – Pete [46:24]

• "Be gentle and kind. Don't drink too much wine. Don't forget Christmas is hard." – Pete [65:05]

---

This episode of "You Made It Weird" offers a blend of humor, critical analysis, and heartfelt discussions, providing listeners with both entertainment and thoughtful insights into the complexities of holiday traditions, spirituality, and personal well-being.

Transcript

[A]

You made it with. You made it weird. You made it with. Oh, yeah, you made it with. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[B]

What's happening, weirdos?

[A]

A very happy to everyone.

[B]

A very happy and merry to you all.

[A]

A happy, merry to you. I let you fill in the blanks. And a feliz. A feliz. And a happy and a married everyone.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And a blessed.

[A]

And a blessed. Oh, is that kind of like the Wiccan kind of solstice?

[B]

No, I think that was Kwanzaa. Blessed Kwanzaa.

[A]

You got that from the movie the night Before I.

[B]

Stop. Stop always being around me. And then you wouldn't know everything about me.

[A]

Seth Rogen is masterful in that movie.

[B]

I think it's his best work.

[A]

I actually think it's his best work too.

[B]

I think it's his best work.

[A]

We're so glad you're here. Who cares? I'm on the road. Petehomes.com we added like Utah is on there. Largo. Thanks to everyone who came to Largo. But you're here now. This is an incredible episode. I loved it.

[B]

It's very Christmassy, I actually think.

[A]

Very Christmassy and very funny. Laughs. So we're glad you're here. And oh yeah, the ads. Yeah, I know. Ads, right? But it's the season to get gifts, so I. We actually even shout out like the Shakti mat, the Apollo. There are things that. That are wonderful gifts for, especially for people. Hard to shop for, not to flatter myself, but I'm kind of one of those people. And all the ads are for things that I would love to get as a gift. So maybe get your favorite weirdo one of these and get some discounts and support the show. Katie, roll that beautiful bean footage. This episode is brought to us by our friends at the Perfect Jean. Literally the only jeans that I wear, which pretty much makes them the only pants that I wear. I hate hard pants. I love the perfect jean because they look fantastic. They're built fantastically and they have a little bit of stretch, meaning these are comfortable, soft pants that look good. You don't have to wear, you know, fucking like some sting pant, like a Phil Collins pajama pant. You can just wear amazing looking jeans that give you a little bit of stretch. They got 2% spandex, 2.5% rayon for extra comfort and movement that your man parts require. Especially now around the holidays, you're going to be watching football games, you're going to be watching movie marathons, you're going to Be going up for seconds and thirds from your holiday table. You might even fall asleep in your pants. If you're like me and you're going to want them to be the perfect gene, they are liberating over 400,000 men's balls. 400,001 including me. And you can get 15% off with our code BABYBUNS15. It's finally time to stop crushing your balls in uncomfortable jeans by going to ThePerfectGene NYC. That's J E A N ThePerfectGene NYC. Our listeners get 15% off your first order plus free shipping, free returns and free exchanges. When you use code BabyBuns15, that's 15% off. New customers at ThePerfectGene NYC with promo code BabyBuns15. After you purchase, they're going to ask where you heard about them. Please say our show support our show Support your balls, support your pants look good, fuck your khakis and get the perfect gene. Little sniff there for accent. We're also brought to us by our friends at Armra. I was just putting Armra in my smoothie this morning and thinking this is a perfect gift for someone you don't know what to get for because who doesn't want to be healthier, feel better, look better and just kind of get that glow that Colostrum gives you. But you know, maybe they don't know about it. If you have somebody on your list that's very hard to get a gift for. I'm one of those kinds of people. Get them some Armra Colostrum. I am obsessed with ways to strengthen my immunity and my gut health as well as fitness, endurance, metabolism as well as hair and skin radiance, also reducing bloat, fortifying gut health, igniting your metabolism. That's the main thing I notice when I take my Armra every day, which I do do, I feel lighter in my belly. It just kind of equalizes the whole environment down there and I feel fantastic. It also stabilizes my blood sugar, it accelerates fat burning. It really is a superfood. It fuels your fitness, performance and recovery armor. Colostrum is a proprietary concentrate of bovine colostrum. It's just a powder, doesn't taste like anything. They do have some flavored. I really like their blood orange flavor in the packets. That's really fantastic. But IT harnesses over 400 living bioactive nutrients that rebuild the barriers of the body and fuel cellular health for a host of research backed health benefits. And it couldn't be easier to take. There's no taste. You can take it in water, you can put it in your smoothie, you can just throw it in your mouth. That's what I do sometimes. Totally natural, sustainable, grass fed in the US and they guarantee the highest potency and bioavailability of any colostrum on the market. For results you can actually see and feel. And both Val and I actually see and feel those results. For real? For real. We worked out a special offer for weirdos. Get 15% off your first order. Go to tryarmra.com weird or enter weird to get 15% off. That's t R Y A R m r a.com weird. All right, we're so glad you're here, Valerie.

[B]

Get into it. Remember this? I think we talked about it last year at this time of year. Because it's that time of year.

[A]

Can you. Are you going to remember?

[B]

Yes, but it is also going to.

[A]

Okay, go ahead.

[B]

I think we get back to it and I'm just going to say it.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

It won't be worth it.

[A]

Good for you.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

What if this whole thing's been a.

[B]

Test, this whole relationship.

[A]

This whole podcast has been to strengthen your. Your kegels, your, like, social Kegels.

[B]

Oh, I definitely thought you said cankles and I was livid.

[A]

If you have cankles, do kegels. It reaches down there.

[B]

All right, remember this? Tell me schnitzel with noodles.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. The sexy favorite things.

[B]

Sexy favorite things.

[A]

I do remember it. And the reason I'm not cackling with laughter is because it barfs me out.

[B]

I know. It barfs me out.

[A]

No, but I didn't want you to think that I wasn't like, oh, right.

[B]

It's so.

[A]

It's the holiday time and. It's the holiday time.

[B]

Yeah. Well, maybe.

[A]

And we heard round paper packages. Are they shipping you dildos? Why this breathy tone? Are you tied up with string?

[B]

I know. Oh, my God. Ricky Lindholm just posted a music video of her singing as. I don't know Sound of Music well enough to know the person's name, but, like, it's the fancy woman that the dad is dating. And it's like she's singing from her perspective. So she's like. She's like trashing Maria. And one of the things she says is, no one's favorite thing is string.

[A]

Yeah. Which I think is so funny. Matt McCarthy has a bit about it. And doorknobs is also on the list.

[B]

Doorknobs is on the list.

[A]

Doorknobs is on the list.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And we talk about bits a lot, obviously, and we're like. I feel like if it was more prominent, it would get a big laugh. It gets a good laugh. But, like, you know that song really well, and you didn't know Doorknobs is on the list?

[B]

No, I definitely didn't know that.

[A]

Even in this moment, I'm like, is it?

[B]

Is it?

[A]

I know. I mean, it's in the bit. So someone is like. There's a certain kind of certitude that if someone does a joke about it.

[B]

Is it doorknobs or doorbells? Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel. I just say schnitzel with noodles after.

[A]

All of them, so. Well, can I say first of all, good, Kegels.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Good, good. Keeping me away from your dinner. Don't let me eat your dinner.

[B]

This is weird.

[A]

Don't let me eat your dinner.

[B]

This is a weird way to talk to your wife.

[A]

Val. Well done. Don't letting me eat your dinner. Here's what I wanted to say. I sat on stage the other night. I realized that's something you should say on the podcast. It's, like, not quite funny enough for the stage, but it's great for us.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And great for everyone listening, I think.

[B]

Great. What a buildup.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I feel confident about it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Matt and I, McCarthy, you and I separately, we're talking about what is. I'm going to ask you, as if we didn't already talk about it, but what is the number one Christmas song and that. This isn't a test, but, like. Yeah, the one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Jingle bells, jingle bells, jingle bells I know. I'm feeling my oats. I'm.

[B]

That's not a phrase.

[A]

Feeling my oats.

[B]

Feeling your oats.

[A]

You feel them before you sew them. Oh, and if you're sewing them, that means you felt them. Do they have something?

[B]

They're supposed to come at 2.

[A]

Well, they came at 12.

[B]

That's not even close to 2.

[A]

We have somebody arriving at the house.

[B]

Oh, man. We had to pause. I think we might have to pause.

[A]

Oh, man.

[B]

Or do you want to just sing Schnitzel with noodles for.

[A]

What are they doing? What is this person doing?

[B]

They're delivering a heater back for the backyard. You know, like, I understand propane heaters.

[A]

All right, so we'll pause. It's not long.

[B]

Yeah, it's not long.

[A]

It'll be a second and then this hot Christmas riff. All right, we're back. Boy, that's A real twist of my nurples.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[A]

Not from you. Why show up two hours before you're supposed to be somewhere?

[B]

I know. I'm like, glad I was home also.

[A]

What if we weren't home? Yeah. That's where you go. That's where my mind goes.

[B]

And it also is the opposite of what's. Usually it's like the cable guy thing of, like, you get a window and then they end up being.

[A]

I actually appreciate this observation very much. It's like you hear a lot about the cable person or the delivery person being late, but not enough about the real kind of sideways fucking that is. Whoops. We're two hours early.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I've scrambled some eggs in my life. And I've scrambled home as well. Hi. Welcome to Connections My Brain Is Making. There's egg styles and there's a way of getting home lickety split in kind of a haphazard, slapdash, crab walk fashion.

[B]

Do you remember the first time you heard the term lollygag? Because I do also.

[A]

No. Lollygag. Lollipop.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Are you putting it in too deep? Are you deep throat lolly?

[B]

Yeah. No. This is the first time that's occurring to me as well.

[A]

But it means, like, meander.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is weird. How badly do you not like. You don't vibe with meander? That you're like.

[B]

Nah, I'm not gonna say meander.

[A]

I'll be saying lollygag.

[B]

You know what I also don't like? It's just something completely different. No. I don't like when people say I'm liable to lie.

[A]

I don't like liable.

[B]

And you know why I don't? It's. I love my mother. It's because my mom, like, overuses it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I just.

[A]

What's mine? Not to make it about me, but.

[B]

There'S something you overuse.

[A]

I know there is.

[B]

It takes seasons. Like, you just. You just called me baba ghanoush, like seven times. In which then 30 seconds period of time.

[A]

And there's like a sticky. I got so excited about a new nickname. You were in Los Angeles last night and. Which was great. I'm glad you didn't drive home. You're not very good at driving home late at night. I feel. I'm worried. I worry about it.

[B]

Yeah. No, I get sleepy.

[A]

I don't mean to tease.

[B]

I'm good at driving.

[A]

No, you're good at driving. It's just like.

[B]

I guess you're not.

[A]

Whatever it is that I go into that's like, no, like, don't fall asleep.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You don't have as much of whatever that vitamin is.

[B]

I think that's true. But also, I think you're always driving home late after shows. You're fully adrenalized.

[A]

Yeah, I'm jacked. So anyway, you came in and I was happy to see you and I called you Ghanoush. And then I kept calling you Ghanoush and everything he'd say, I'd be like, that's a real Ghanoush thing to say. And then we hugged and I said, I'm not saying it, but I want you to know in my head, I'm calling you Ghanoush right now. Just gonna ruin those post its, huh?

[B]

Well, would you rather me ruin Post its or the wood of this desk? It's just the top.

[A]

It's just the top. 12. 3 look 12 post its are your one time coaster. 3M shakes its head with shame.

[B]

3M.

[A]

The inventor of post it notes. You know, Romey and Michelle.

[B]

I actually.

[A]

Huh.

[B]

I don't. I have seen it. And you. I know, I know. It's like, made for me.

[A]

I'm over here.

[B]

But I actually don't. I'm not like, quotably familiar with Romy and Michelle. Isn't that insane?

[A]

That's weird. It's because I'm a hard kudrow head.

[B]

I'm a hard kudrow head. And it feels like the same sort of vein as Clueless. Like the same. There's overall, I know everything about it. And Clueless is like my favorite movie. But, I mean, it's not my favorite movie, but I love it.

[A]

Let's say this, let's call it. It would be if you had never met me.

[B]

I don't think so. You would take credit and you give my brother credit for the cool, deep, interesting parts of it.

[A]

And that's unfair.

[B]

And I give my brother credit too. But I don't want you to give my brother credit.

[A]

That's fair. Look, I'm projecting. If I had never gotten divorced, there's a good chance my favorite movie would still be the Bourne Identity.

[B]

I was plenty deep before I met you. I want you to know. Remember when I told you? Do you remember what I said?

[A]

This energy I've awoken in you. This is good radio.

[B]

Do you remember that when. What my favorite movie was when we were dating.

[A]

Punch Drunk Love.

[B]

No, but very close. Eternal Sunshine, the Spotless Mind.

[A]

It is close.

[B]

It is close.

[A]

Those movies are sold in the same store. They are just Like Demetri Martin sold in the same store as. What was it? Sufjan Stevens.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, it was. What, that. Yeah. Was weird.

[A]

No, I'm laughing. No, it wasn't. I'm laughing again. That there's a store like Ennui. Whatever. Demetri Martin, who I love, and Sufjan Stevens, who I love. Whatever that is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Quirky. I've said this a million, but both Sufjan and Dimitri have the energy of a kid in footy pajamas that comes down while their parents are having a cocktail party and announces they have a show and they have, like, stars on cardboard that they put on string, and they set it up, and it's very. It's darling, and it's very good, but it has this sort of like. Can you believe my mind works like this? I'm a child, right?

[B]

It does.

[A]

It has like a. I decided to play banjo on this one. I'm your son.

[B]

It.

[A]

That's what I feel when I'm listening to Sufi on Stevens. I'm like, my boy, you got.

[B]

You ring. You found bells. Where did you find those bells? It's so. It's true. It's like the precious.

[A]

It's beta male, precious, beta mail.

[B]

And, you know, the pbm. Yeah. I was really trying to do it, and you're so fast at it. PBM. The PBM. I. I wonder.

[A]

Sells PBR, by the way. PBMs love PBR. They do.

[B]

They did.

[A]

Sold, I guess.

[B]

Yeah. I was very attracted to the pbm.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I now am. That's. I'm finding myself way more attracted to, like, traditionally masculine men.

[A]

This is the shift.

[B]

But I'm wondering if that is, like, a cultural thing or if it's like. Like, growing up, my mom was always into, like, you know, Tom Selleck, and I was like, you.

[A]

Yeah. We've. We talked a little bit. We touched on this last week. Is that there are. Jude Law is the. He's not quite a pbm. He's not a pbm, but he's that entryway. Kelly Kapowski, safe sexual space. And Dimitri and Sufjan and a lot of Flight of the Conchords. They're all like, we're not. We're not gonna be real jicks to you.

[B]

Yeah, they're safe.

[A]

We're safe. But also look kind of ripped over here. That's true.

[B]

That's who you want to lose your virginity to?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just like a sweetie.

[A]

Glasses on or off? That's my question.

[B]

Off. But see, you're not thinking about kissing. And this is the problem. This is the core of the problem.

[A]

Penetration. Even in my mind.

[B]

Even in your mind. Especially in your mind, I'm sure.

[A]

Well, look, I'm not a heavy pornography user, but that does not help. Is that, like, pornography dials into the male brain? Of course it does. I know. This is not new. I'm embarrassed how obvious that is.

[B]

The whole. No, you shouldn't be. But this is the whole problem. This is like, No, I know.

[A]

You know, getting what you want is not correct. Meaning the world is kissing and snuggling and touching and then sex and just cutting to sex. But I would argue, you know, and I've probably made this point before, that also postmating every meal and getting your fucking Szechuan dumplings just delivered, that's also cutting to the orgasm. Whereas the times that Oren or other friends of ours, Sam. That like to cook and you smell it and you're ready and you're. You know that thing where you digest better?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When you cook.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It works when other people are cooking, too. That's why I only eat at Benihana.

[B]

We did just eat at Teppanyaki, and it was so funny.

[A]

Didn't get any shrimps in anyone's mouth.

[B]

No, he didn't. He wasn't. He wasn't.

[A]

We gotta be a B list.

[B]

Yeah, we did. He was.

[A]

But I liked him. He had dignity.

[B]

He had dignity.

[A]

He was sure not a crowd pleaser. And he was like, I put a whole story on our Benihana chef. I was like, this guy knows he's not the star masseuse at the parlor.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But he does a passable job and he's okay with it.

[B]

I was a little upset that it was Leela's first time at a Teppanyaki place. And the main thing that I told her about was the train part, the onion. And he blew it because he put the top of the onion, like, he didn't make a perfect cone. He flipped the top one.

[A]

I thought that was, like, gonna be a good move.

[B]

I know it seems like it's a choice, so like a funnel, but it just turned the entire thing into, like, just fire.

[A]

It lit on fire, and it was burned. And then he still did the choo choo. Like, it's not working. And he does the sound. That's what I mean by dignity. He was, like, falling apart in front of us.

[B]

That's what you mean by dignity?

[A]

Yes, it is. Because I know the feeling of being on stage and it's just not working. And you Find a quiet still spot in you where you're still okay. And that's what emboldens you to choo choo. Even though. And then at the fucking grill table next to us, there was clearly the Kevin Hart of the joint.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

This dude's flipping him. He's getting shrimp in everyone's mouth.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And when he choo chooed, I thought there was a real train coming through. He was fucking incredible. Here's the point I was going to make up top before we were interrupted with 15 whole hard ones of. I'm actually not mad. I feel fine. Which brings me. That's the point I'm going to make after this point. And I can't wait to make that point. But this point is also great. So Jingle Bells is the number one Christmas song for those of you playing along at home. I feel like it was probably that or Silent Night.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Maybe.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I really feel like if I woke you up in the middle of the night and you were deep asleep and I said, sing a Christmas song, most people would go, jingle bell, jingle bells 100. Also the drunkest jingle bell. Like, it's there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And those. You know, I don't have data, but I feel like drunk people are going, and there's Batman smells. There's variations. Kids know it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Everyone knows it's. Jingle Bells is not a Christmas song. It's a snow song. It's a sleigh ride song.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's by big sleigh. And it's just to get people. It's when in the old days all you had in the winter was like, we could travel through it.

[B]

Right. Or we can stay inside.

[A]

Baby, it's cold outside.

[B]

Or let it snow.

[A]

Let it snow, let it snow. Let's put Baby, it's cold outside to one side. I did have this fresh thought on, Baby, it's cold outside. I don't know why, but every year. Because I'm a contrarian and everyone's like, this is like a date rape song.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I understand. There's two points I want to make. And I know we've talked about this probably every Christmas. 1. What's in this drink? Is. Was a common expression. We've probably made that point before. Say, what's in this drink? Was like, oh, it's sort of like, did I eat the whole thing? It was like. It was like, was that not a yes, it is not a Was that me? It's like, say, what's in this drink? I'm going to give you another.

[B]

Not let it smell Thing is not afraid.

[A]

Here's a. I can't believe I ate the whole thing. Here is a outside of baby, it's cold outside. Use of. Say what's in this drink? Yeah, well, your mother's a fucking bitch. Woo. Say, what's in this drink? Yeah, you know what I mean? It wasn't roofies. We now think roofies.

[B]

Yes. But it was just like, yeah, this alcohol is loosening me up.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I vaguely remember my parents making that kind of joke. Like, wow, what did you put in this thing? Because I am being kind of wicked.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so she's sort of like, maybe I will stay. Woo. Yeah, Maybe I do want to fuck your ass.

[B]

Oh, oh.

[A]

Not your ass, but like you, you like I'm calling your whole. The whole noun that is you. I'm calling it your ass. I want to fuck your ass.

[B]

It's like a phrase like, oh, I ate the whole thing is I want to fuck your ass.

[A]

Like yo ass. Yo ass. Yo ass.

[B]

I want to your ass.

[A]

That's why yo and your. We need both sometimes. It's your ass. Because baby, that's yo ass. We know what that means. The consequences are beholden to your entire person. But your ass means anal sex and you are ass. Your ass.

[B]

We need two yours and a yo.

[A]

You have to say you are ass. You can't say your ass.

[B]

This is madness. This is like, this is probably.

[A]

This is what I've been waiting for for 15 minutes while a heat lamp was installed.

[B]

It's making me feel weird. Like, this is like just like the brain of me of a human person. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I see.

[B]

You know what I mean? Like how disorganized our own thoughts are. That's what this is.

[A]

Trust. That's my next point. We'll get to that. But the second thing I want to say in defense of. Baby, it's cold outside. I know. Just to be a bitch.

[B]

Just to be a bitch going down on.

[A]

Well, in the same way that I don't like that people correct that Frankenstein is Frankenstein's monster.

[B]

Yeah. Nobody likes.

[A]

I don't like that people. What it is, is, as someone who really likes to be an individual, I don't like bargain bin individual stances. One of them is Frankenstein's monster. That's basic Bitch 2 is Die Hard is my favorite Christmas movie. That's basic bitch, right? That's bargain bin fucking. Oh, that was cute. Like the year Die Hard came out.

[B]

It's like, it's a real. Like. I remember when I had my first beer.

[A]

I marry you. I marry you.

[B]

I marry you.

[A]

It is so. I remember when I had my first beer and I'm fucking.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

I love you. Hear me and you get me. And then the third one is Baby, it's Cold Outside, which is like. I hate that song. That's a. That. That's a creepy song. That one is the least Bargain bin. It's still kind of relevant. It's more relevant.

[B]

It's recent because, like, I'm with. It came out.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Nobody was saying that. I feel like it's only in the last few years.

[A]

It's been at least 10 years. 10 years.

[B]

No, I think it's since ELF has been out for 20 years.

[A]

20 years. That's what I'm saying.

[B]

I know, but I don't think. I don't remember people mentioning it.

[A]

Me too. Certainly put gas on the fire. But I think it was happening. I don't know. We could ask ChatGPT, but I don't feel comfortable. But anyway, I'm just saying I think it will anyway to have an interesting. Who cares? I get that it's creepy and it creeps me out. I'll show. I'm going to say that right up top. I just want to say. And I want to hear what your thought is. I think the word baby is a real clue. They're calling each other or he's calling her baby.

[B]

Yes. No.

[A]

And that's either creepier because they're not dating and they're not like kind of into each other or it makes it less creepy. You don't say, baby, it's cold outside, unless you kind of have a thing going. That's a weird movement.

[B]

I.

[A]

You're hitting on a stranger and you're like, baby, it's cold out. Like, fucking that.

[B]

It's not a stranger.

[A]

It's not a stranger.

[B]

It's not a stranger. I don't think I'm going to say.

[A]

They'Ve done it before.

[B]

I think they have.

[A]

Yes. This is not their first voyage.

[B]

Okay. I am glad that there were like all of the rewrites of that song and that there's awareness and like, this is kind of fucked up. I am glad about that.

[A]

Me too.

[B]

But I'm surprised.

[A]

I didn't mean a joke. I didn't mean that as a joke literally. Me too. Because. Yes.

[B]

But I did really love that song. And maybe that is the patriarchy and rape culture, like, influencing my idea of romance. But especially when you listen to the Louis Armstrong and baby. What's her name? Velma Something. I Think when you listen to that version, it's so cute. And it's very like.

[A]

Yeah, that's the tone. You want the guy to sound like.

[B]

Baby, it's cold outside. And like, she's laughing and she's like, what's my mom mama gonna say? And he's like, I don't care about your people.

[A]

Did you just riff that? Because that's the funniest. You just slipped in the funniest thing of 2024. We have like, we have like 20 days left in the year and you just won. I don't care about your people.

[B]

No, I really. I really want to take care about.

[A]

Is the funniest thing that's ever happened.

[B]

No, I really want to take full credit for that. But he does say. He says, why don't you. He says something like, why don't you just stay a while? Can I do this voice?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Okay. Please.

[A]

This is not a racial voice. This is a guy who yelled too much.

[B]

He says, why don't you just stay wild and then you can go back to your people. So he says, your people.

[A]

I. Look, this comedy court gives you the trophy, the credit, the ribbon, and the parade because I don't care about your people. It's so funny and I'll never. How dare you even try to take it away from us.

[B]

It's so funny. I just wanted to be fully above board on that. But yes, it's like, very cute. And when you listen to that verse, I think you get the spirit of it where you're like, this is consensual. I think the spirit of the song as I understand it is she is saying like, you know, because of society and the way that society at the time, my brother judges. Judges women.

[A]

And she.

[B]

She's like, she's. She wants to stay, but she's like, I really shouldn't. Like, what will my maiden aunt think? You know? And he's like, just stay.

[A]

As a religio. As someone who grew up, like, literally go in college and I'd be staying at my parents house and I'd be like, I couldn't get back. Like, I remember that.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

I remember leaving a girl I was seeing her house at like 5am yeah. Reeking of booze and cigarettes, going home and basically sneaking in my bed so that I would be there when my mom came in at like nine. That was like a very like, I, baby, it's cold outside. I was, baby, it's cold outside.

[B]

Totally. I. And I was. You're right. I think our religious yeah, that helps us understand because, yeah, I was in the, like, fucked up position that we put girls in where we just assume that they don't want to have sex either. Right. And say, like, the girls are in charge of keeping the relationship pure. So I would be making out with my boyfriend. Well, Valed and I would be the one that was in charge of being like, we should stop. But I never wanted to stop. And I loved that. It wasn't really the first time or even the second time or maybe the third time. Like, I'd had to say it a couple times because he was also. He was very respectful of boundaries. But, like, he was picking up on the fact that I didn't want. I would say, like, we should stop. And then I would kiss him again.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, so, like.

[A]

Can I interrupt you?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Gone.

[B]

Okay, great. And I actually remember saying to that boyfriend that I think I played him that song because this was when Elf came out and I became obsessed with that song. And he used to do something very cool, which was like, I had a lot of the upper hand in that relationship because he, like, chased me for two years. But the one thing that he did that was very cool was when I would leave. I wanted him to beg me to stay. And he wouldn't.

[A]

Ooh.

[B]

Like, he would.

[A]

He didn't. Baby, it's cold outside you.

[B]

He didn't. And so, like, we were. I don't know if I played him that song, but we were listening to that song at one point, and I was like, this is what you need to be doing. You need to be trying to convince me to stay.

[A]

Well, then I enjoy that. This is a real breakthrough for me. I think my Christianity upbringing, my Christian upbringing changes how I listen to that song. And I not. This is not virtue signaling, because who fucking cares what a prude I was. But in college, I would be the one. I've told you many times, I'm the one that would decline. Like, do you want to go further? And I'd be like, we're good here. And I was, like, dead serious about my faith. Here's the next thing I couldn't wait to tell you. And then we're going to move on from, baby, it's cold outside. In case people are like, we can't hear this every year, but I'm pretty excited about this. Romeo and Juliet, after they consummate their relationship, they wake up, they're madly in love. Everyone knows this scene. They're kissing, it's the morning.

[B]

Can I interrupt you?

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

Leo, of Course.

[A]

And Winslet.

[B]

No. Claire Dane.

[A]

Oh, sorry, Claire. Sorry, Claire.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, my God. If a young Kate Winslet, I wouldn't have been able to bear it.

[A]

I know. I think I just made it. I don't want to say I love.

[B]

I love.

[A]

We just love Kate Winslet.

[B]

We love Caitlin. So that was kind of like.

[A]

Actually, that's a whole thing. Yeah, we were talking about that watching the holiday. We like the fall.

[B]

Mm.

[A]

We like.

[B]

We said Cameron Diaz is summer.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Kate Winslet is fall.

[A]

Autumn.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's. And that's the season. I like. And that's the seasoning. Anyway, in Romeo and Juliet, Romeo's trying to, like, basically have morning sex, and Juliet's like, I have to go, well, my father and my brothers. It's exactly. Baby, it's cold outside.

[B]

Tis the morning lark.

[A]

And yeah. She goes. And he goes, it's the owl.

[B]

It's the nightingale.

[A]

Sorry, I thought he says it was the owl.

[B]

I thought it was nightingale, but I can't.

[A]

It's something like this.

[B]

I don't feel fully confident.

[A]

Tis the nightingale. He's saying, that's not the morning lark. That's the nightingale. He's saying it's still nighttime. It's the class. I know, but, dude, it's Baby, it's cold outside. With more clear parameters. Again, I understand how it's creepy, but if you know that these are madly in love people, but in a society that isn't very accepting of female sexuality and, like, her independence, that's what Romeo and Juliet is. Yeah, it's baby, it's cold outside.

[B]

It's true.

[A]

And he even is like, it's cold out there. Like, if it was snowing, Romeo would be like, but the frost doth falleth. Yeah, baby. And the baby again is a clue. These people have done it before.

[B]

And maiden aunt actually sounds straight out of Romeo and Juliet.

[A]

What does she says?

[B]

My maiden aunt's mind is vicious in. Baby, it's cold outside. And that's the only place I've ever heard the maiden ant term. Maiden aunt's like a clothing brand. I think it means, like. Yeah, it does. It really does.

[A]

Maiden aunt.

[B]

I think it's like spinster. Like, my spinster aunt is going to be weaving stories.

[A]

The infertile 31 year old that everyone spit on every morning. Spit on the maiden ant and be on your way.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I loved getting you. That was awesome. The other thing I want to say, so let it snow is obviously a snow song. And jingle bells, there's no mention they don't go either way. They don't go Santa.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Elves, presents, trees. And they don't go Jesus then. And every once in a while, you hear this one. It's in the movie the Grinch, and it's on the milk carton, kids. Wonderful album. Christmas in A minor key.

[B]

I love this.

[A]

But they go, remember Christ our Savior was born on Christmas day.

[B]

You did do this at Largo, and you loved it. That was my favorite, Lara Bites. And I lost it when you went. And then sometimes it's like, remember Christ our savior is born on Christmas day.

[A]

To save us all from Satan's power. It's actually Satan's power. P. Like apostrophe. We are power. When we had gone. Something you'd only see in a hymnal. Satan's power.

[B]

When we had gone astray.

[A]

When we had gone astray.

[B]

Yeah. And that is good tidings of comfort and joy, though.

[A]

Sorry about that whole Satan thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Tidings of comfort and Joy.

[B]

That is 100% Christianity. My experience with Christianity as a come.

[A]

In for the pizza. And then there's a weird mention of Satan. And then they're like, good tidings.

[B]

Yeah. They're like, there is Satan and demons and devils, but don't worry about it. Just don't worry about it. And you're like, I'm sorry, what? And it's like, jesus loves you.

[A]

I'm not.

[B]

But there is Satan and demon and devils.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And you're like, what?

[A]

And you're wicked.

[B]

What was that part? And you will burn for eternity. Have a merry Christmas.

[A]

It's the ultimate. And I, you know, I love Christ. Everyone knows this, but the church and the way that we've sort of institutionalized it can be real goofy. And I'm completely agreeing with you. And it has. There's so much cognitive dissonance. People, I'm not going to mention who. But there are people that we know that just love the church because it's about love. It's about service.

[B]

Absolutely.

[A]

And then, like, it's such a. It's, like, stapled onto the bill like you are God's child. And, like, it got passed by being inserted at the last second. And it's like. And all of our foes shall be burnt to crisp.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then reassembled and burnt again. And this is everything you ever fucking need. You see it and you're like, see it. But, you know, it's so funny when we cosplay and make fun of Scientology for getting goofier as you Go. And by goofier, I mean, like, that's where the mythology of the, of the creation story and like, just weirder stuff. Well, that's Christianity, dude. And people can't wait to have a laugh because that was us. We were like, okay, first it's Santa, Great. Then it's Jesus. Okay. Peace loving guy came to like kind of clean up the Old Testament.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Died for you. Oh, thanks, Jesus. Guess what though, you're gonna have to go door to door or whatever it is. Or like live with whatever it is. You know, the goofy stuff.

[B]

Right. And do want to be clear. I think there's a, you know, a million ways to eat an Oreo. Like, so there's a lot I know.

[A]

Get them in the hotel little store.

[B]

Isn't there a Colbert Christmas moment where.

[A]

He says, yeah, yeah, an Oreo with a cookie in the middle.

[B]

Yeah. Anyway, I really think that there are plenty of ways to be Christian that are lovely and wonderful. I'm talking about the ways that I'm.

[A]

Familiar with and I'm actually saying my heart breaks or my heart goes out to. Or I feel for the people that didn't want that, but kind of like got caught up. And that was me. That was me. I was like, I love this. A reason for the universe, a purpose, a belonging, even a group.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then also being like, but every other group. And I have dreams. Sometimes I wake up and I realize I was explaining atonement theory to people. Like, that's how much I think about why I don't consider myself a Christian. I'm like, it's atonement theory, which really didn't come along until like a hundred, 200 years after Christ. And this whole idea.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Of like, yeah, he died to change God's mind about us.

[B]

Right.

[A]

God was ready to kill us. And then Jesus said, no, kill me. That whole idea, I feel Richie Rohr somewhere tapping his foot to the beat because he's the one that's like 10:54. And when they kind of split and Greek Orthodox Orthodoxy went over here and anyway, who cares? Here's the other thing I was going to say Christ our savior was born on Christmas Day. Well, here's the other point I was going to make. Do you feel. Did you have a thread that you.

[B]

Yes, fine, go ahead.

[A]

Did you.

[B]

No, go ahead. I want to hear what you're.

[A]

I got all caught up in atonement theory.

[B]

You did, you got, you went on a real atonement theory. I guess what I was gonna say is that our friend Milana was just telling me that she wanted. Milana, she was just telling me that she heard Liz Gilbert saying, I don't know if it was on. We. I don't know what podcast was on, but she was saying like, that she believes that everybody has access to channeling, like God, the higher power. We all have equal access to that. And that's what the Bible was like, people channeling to, like, but getting the download that that specific person needed and those groups needed.

[A]

You're absolutely right.

[B]

And it's like, well, that's not kind of none of our business. That was those people's specific channels.

[A]

You can't separate it from the culture in the same way that, like, of course, in miracles, a channel text the Bible, different channel texts the person and the culture and the time channeling them is the teabag. The water is always the same.

[B]

Yeah, exactly.

[A]

But your flavor kind of gets. Gets into it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And. And you can. That's nice. I like that.

[B]

And I do think that that is. That got to kind of the fundamental issue that I have with, you know, the Christianity that I'm familiar with is what I'll say is that it's sort of. It's specific rules that, like, limit. Make morality like what is good and right and true and moral, like a very, very small pool. Like, it makes it really specific, I guess. And because I was going to say, you know, what I don't like about it is that it's telling everybody sort of how to live and like, what is actually true and right and good. And it makes you, like, if you are a Christian and you are, you know, believing in that, it's like, you have to. You are just going to see everyone through that lens. Like, are they doing. Are they being good and true and. Yeah, and I guess we all are doing that to a certain degree. Like, if we had a friend who was just totally, you know, like, I don't know, like, gambling away his children's food money, we would be like, okay, that's. That's immoral. We. You know, but it just makes it so narrow where you're just like, you have to. Your marriage should look like this. Your parenting should look like this. Your everyday. Your speech should look like this.

[A]

You know, Rupert talks about, like, every generation needs to reformulate the truth for themselves. And you see that in the way that human beings are. It's like, I need it. It's like, I'll believe in UFOs when I see one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the seeing of the truth UFO is the reframing of it for yourself sometimes with a modern teacher or whatever. Was that in the conversation?

[B]

Yeah. No, I think you're getting it just to tie it back to the Bible thing. I'm like, right, can we trust that everybody has equal access to God and so they can be living by their own moral code and we don't have to have any sort of set of rules? You know, I guess it gets tricky because you're like, well, we have society's rules. We do have.

[A]

No, it does get tricky. But that's why I like what Liz Gilbert said. That was that time and ours is our time and our time will build off of the rules. Because immediately I go to female circumcision and I'm like, yeah, we need rules, we need rules. We need to agree on things. You could even throw in male circumcision, which is kind of like, I don't want to be divisive here, but like, that's a little, you know. Yeah, it's a little old. Old timey.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

So anyway, I'm just saying, like, let's build on it and drop some and keep some and keep going. Don't act like I. I don't think we need to pretend like we can just go like everybody just anarchy, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But that's not what we are. We're a system. And all that stuff is churning in the mix and it's going to be in there anyway.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And that's kind of what Liz is saying, like the rules and the society that I've grown up in. That's my tea bag that I'm going to flavor the water with when I talk about spirituality.

[B]

Yeah, that's how it should be.

[A]

One more Jesus thing and then we'll go to this. In the second part, I want to talk a little bit about sleep and I think it's going to be epic. I'm going to say the last Jesus thing and it's real short. Jesus says, I and the Father are one. Right. That's like the big thing. I and the Father are one. And then I'm like, Rupert Spira pointed this out. It's like he says, I. He doesn't step it out like this. This is me stepping it out. I and not, not me, but I meaning the name that you call yourself.

[B]

I, I, I to you and I to me.

[A]

I just imagine. And I'm not saying we can't know, but to me and the way that I view the universe, the way I interpret what he's saying is I and the Father are one, meaning The I that I call myself and the I.

[B]

That you call yourself, my eye.

[A]

Your eye it is. And Meister Eckhart said the same thing. He's like, the eye. The eye with which God looks at me is the same eye that I look at God or knows God. And it's just like, there's only one Bink. There's only one on light bulb. There's only one awareness, and that is in you, and that is one with God. And Jesus is saying, I, I, and you're. But he says, I and the Father One. And we're so. It's Loki in the Avengers. We love assembling and we love kneeling, and we love outsourcing, conversion and enlightenment. Buddha can do it. Jesus can do it. Yeah. He and the Father One. He said, I and the Father One and motherfucker, I don't care about troll people. It's like, you need to get to recognizing the nature of your eye. That's not. We want it to be a flag we can fly. Jesus said, I and the Father are one. But actually, it's a pretty exciting hero's journey that you're being called to. I know I sound very churchy right now, but it's alive and it's sexy and it's vibrant, and it's for you. And it's for this moment to go like, wait, what is it in me that is aware of my experience? Who or what is aware of my experience? That's it. And that's the. That's all it's ever been. So that's why I think there's reason to think that Jesus was saying something far trippier, far more groovy, more further out than just saying, I'm God.

[B]

Yeah. You know what I mean, right? I think so, too. And I think Eckhart Tolle, who does this so well, like, he'll just be like. And that's what Jesus meant when he said. And he'll say some scripture. And you're like, holy shit. I want him to write an entire book that's like. Or like a version of the Bible.

[A]

No, I know what you mean. And they would if they needed a couple extra mil. I'm not saying these are charlatans. I'm just saying that's the most. Commercially. Yeah, everyone wants that book.

[B]

I know.

[A]

You're absolutely right. And then the Pharisees pop in, and when Eckhart's talking and they're like, he speaks with such authority.

[B]

Yeah, there would be some version of that.

[A]

For sure. For sure. Okay. Mid rolls and Then when we come back, I have a thing about sleep. And then we'll wish you all a merry Christmas, even though Satan's power has led us all astray.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So we'll be right back in a second. I got a fantastic night's sleep last night, and that's in large part because I've started using mouth tape. But not just any mouth tape. I've tried other kinds of mouth tape and they smell like chemicals and they rip your skin when they come off. Our friends at hostage tape have dialed it in perfectly. Why do you want to be putting tape over your mouth before you sleep? Kind of sounds crazy, right? That's what I thought. I thought it would be claustrophobic. I thought it would make it impossible to sleep. It's the opposite. Your brain gets the message immediately. You close the tunnel, it takes the bridge. And now What? You're getting 20%. Up to 20% more oxygen because you're breathing through your nose like you should be. Don't be a mouth breather. You're also reducing your risk of sleep apnea. It eliminated snoring for me. It even helps with oral hygiene and bad breath. And it makes me sleep so well and so deep and for so long. Boom. Gets it done. How do I know? Well, I feel fantastic when I wake up. Feel like I flooded my body and my brain with oxygen, which I have. And I get those deep, deep good dreams. Which means I'm getting into that REM state. I've tried other brands. Hostage tape is the one. They are the official breathing aid of the UFC for a reason. And they have a special deal you can only get on this show. That's true. Only on this show. Six month supply. And trust me, you're going to want six months supply because once you try it, you're never going to go back. 99 for a six month supply. That means you save $50 when you go to hostagetape.com weird. This is the only place that hostage tape sells a six month bundle. Go to hostagetape.com weird and sleep better tonight. Get into it. We're also brought to us by our friends. If you're watching the video, this is my Apollo Neuro. It is the one piece of wearable tech, hands down, that has changed my life for the better over the past years. It is a technique, it's a technology really that helps your body recover from stress by sending vibrations into your body. That gives your nervous system the sensation of being touched or held. So it's like a digital hug on your wrist. On demand. And when I'm feeling stressed, when I'm traveling, when I'm freaking out, when I want to slow down, or when I want to energize. Focus, calm down. Be social, be joyful. There are settings for all of these on your Apollo Neuro. It's hooked up to your phone, you pick how you want to feel and boom. It's almost sub perceptual. You're not going to really notice it unless you really crank it up. But Apollo can help you relax, sleep, focus, be more productive. You can wear it on your wrist or your ankle. It even helps you fall asleep. Which if that was all it did, it would be worth it. The Apollo Neuro is not woo woo. It was not. It was developed by a neuroscientist. It was developed by a neuroscientist and a board certified psychiatrist who have been studying the impacts of chronic stress in humans for nearly 15 years. And Apollo's effects on stress, sleep, cognitive performance and recovery have been proven in multiple clinical trials and real world studies. You can get 40 bucks off. It's an amazing gift for that friend that's hard to shop for or for yourself. $40 [e-mail] weird and use promo code weird. That's a P O L O N E u r o.com weird. All right, here's what I couldn't wait to tell you about sleep. You, Val and everyone listening. You were in LA last night and I solo parented with Leela, which was totally fine. And then I woke up. I know.

[B]

Say that. It really sounds like it was. Which I'm okay with.

[A]

Well, what's kook is we went to bed at like 9:30 and I was like, so I'll probably be up or I did. Oh, she went to bed at like 7.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Cuz she was tired.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cuz she had already gotten me up at 5 that morning. Who cares? So we were both tired. She went to bed at 7. 7:30. I went to bed at 9. 9:30, that's very early. And then I was like, well I'll be up at like five with pluck and a plum and no, we Woke up at 7 like we were dead. We needed it so bad. But this is my observ about sleep. And I know we've all kind of made this before, but I feel like it's a reminder. I woke up and I got the wrong amount of sleep. Not too much sleep. It wasn't that feeling. It was the wrong amount of sleep.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And then I dropped her off at school and she had a bad drop off. And then I got home and we've talked about this a lot on this podcast, which is the way that I'm speaking right now and the way that I'm feeling and relating right now is what I would consider the reality. Me. It's how I like to feel. I feel creative, open, spacious, you know, agreeable. I know I've kind of teased you a little bit, but that's all just for jokes. Yeah. You know what I mean? I'm just saying it's not completely. It's not Mr. Rogers, but it's like open.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Playful, fun. I then shift into this other mode and it's just very confusing every single time. I hate everything. I hate everyone. I'm so upset. I can't. I actually thought of putting on this Yo Yo Ma album that I like and I was like, Bach, fuck you. Like, everything sucks. And I'm mad. I'm still nice to everybody, but inside I'm miserable. And then I laid down for like 20 minutes and I got up on my Shakti mat. That's not a. This isn't an ad. Go to Shaktimat for that person on your list that you don't know what to get. A bitch like me, because I loved it. And it completely reset my day. Use promo code. Weird. Completely reset my day. Shaktimat.com. i don't know. I don't know the website, but what I want to say is like, it's so strange that something is immersive and expansive is really what I meant. As your personality, as the lens through which you perceive everything. Your own thoughts, feelings, everything that's happening around you in the world can be just junked like a. Like a speck of dust on a projector. It's fucked. And I said to you, I was like, why is sleep such a bitch that it's like you can get 7 hours and 15 minutes, but if you get 7 hours and 32 minutes, you will be fucked. And there would be no escape for you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Except resetting. Going back and hoping you get the right amount this time. And I did. And now I feel as good as I feel. But I went from feeling as bad as I can feel, 20 minute nap, as good as I can feel. And I just wanted to. For everyone listening. The holidays are a rough time. We have hard days sometimes. It's just the speck of dust is a 20 minute nap.

[B]

I know. Well, it also just is so alarming how much of our personality is like getting good rest.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

And our hormones and also our body feeling.

[A]

Okay. Like, I completely agree.

[B]

This is why I'm sure aging sucks. And. And we all, like, want. Need to use this time to sort of get better perspective before where our bodies are just, like, always in pain or ill, you know? And by better perspective, I mean, like, identifying with something else. But I. My. I have like a weird back thing. Like a. You know, I just, like, I kinked my back.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, this is giving me brain fog.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's. Isn't it weird, like when you. Or like, if you, like, pull your neck and you can't turn your head.

[A]

I also have been having everything. I can't turn my. Because Leela, it's so sweet. I wouldn't change it for the world. Especially when if you're out of town, she'll then climb in bed and sleep on me. Basically.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Literally on me for a while.

[B]

Yeah. Because she's usually sleeping on me.

[A]

Right. And I got chunked. So then I'm like. All of this is a very standard, we made it weird message, but I really couldn't wait to share it is like, sometimes it's a little bit of sleep, Sometimes it's just like a little bit of relief. And that was the shakti Matt. Like. Like I laid on the tight part for like 20, 30 minutes. Just poking it away felt better. This is so hot in here. I gotta turn the heat off. Yeah, keep talking.

[B]

This is so specific to us. And I. I don't think I was this way before I met you. Is he inside? Oh, my God. Our giant dog is inside. How did he get in? Oh, he's. You guys. He's such a good boy. Beau is a great Pyrenees. He's a giant. Giant dog who looks like a polar bear. And he's the sweetest boy. Okay, what was I saying? Pete's coming. What was I saying?

[A]

Come on, sit right there.

[B]

Oh, what a good boy.

[A]

He's doing so good.

[B]

He is so. Oh, I wish you guys could see him. It's, like, worth making this a video podcast so you could see this dog.

[A]

Just to see Bo. I can't believe he was. He wasn't on the couch. He wasn't chewing up anything. He got in the. Well, that was part of my mood. Sorry, am I interrupting?

[B]

I can't remember what I was gonna say.

[A]

The first thing I noticed was that the garbage had been dumped. Like the. Whatever. The door had been left open to where the garbage is. And he got in there and got a diaper and got all this stuff, I'm like, what baby is shitting in our garbage? That I put figured out. But it was everywhere. It was all figured out by smell and taste. A little taste test. I was like, oh, that's what I.

[B]

Was going to say is this conversation is so specific to us. Like, for those of you who listen to this podcast, because of the window, a little peek in that you get. In our relationship, this is actually the most accurate to how we are with. Without microphones in front of our faces. Like, we go to coffee and we're like trying to figure out why we feel weird. How we feel, exactly how we feel, what exact conditions made us feel that way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I don't. I think if I'm being totally honest, there is an art. Some one could argue that that is a way that I am a nine and I have merged with you. And an enneagram nine does that. And I've like mirrored or a Pisces where I've totally like been the water and you've provided that container and now I take that shape because I don't think I did that before you. But I do think I benefit from it because I'm a highly sensitive person and I probably was feeling all of those things anyway. I just had way less awareness.

[A]

It's interesting because I did someone else's podcast this week and we were talking about show business and creativity and I realized it's embarrassing. I must have rehearsed this in the shower or something, like some sort of answer. And then someone asked me the question and I was like, oh, it came from these like quiet moments of preparation, which, by the way, I used to do when I was 12, but no one was asking me.

[B]

Oh my God, I still do that. And always in the shower.

[A]

The fake interview.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. Speaking of the telepathy tapes, I was having a fake conversation with Matt McCarthy out loud because you weren't home. And he texted me while I was. It was really weird. Anyway, so they asked me about show business and I was like. They were like, what is show business? And I was like, show business to me is delivering your personality in a certain state at a certain time. And that is why I am constantly obsessed and taking my temperature. And that doesn't just mean comedy, obviously. So for you and your award winning short film, and also to anyone listening.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that. It's like. And there's nowhere that people can watch your film yet, right?

[B]

Not yet. They will probably in the fall.

[A]

All right, well, we'll plug the off. But anyway, it applies to Anyone trying to access their creativity.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is like, when you were creative, taking a little note, a little scientific note of like, how did I feel? Did I exercise? Did I what did I eat, what, how many does it? And just kind of looking for some sort of pattern. Because to me, if you're a teacher or a speaker or, you know, you're giving the keynote at Mars M and M Corp, it doesn't matter. Some data on how you feel when you do this, this, and this, or how you feel when you don't do this, this. And this is incredibly useful. Not just. I kind of bristle when people call it, like, navel, gay Z or some sort of privilege. I was doing that when I was nine years old. You know, like, figuring out what.

[B]

What your levels are and what your specific needs are attuning to yourself. Really?

[A]

Yes. And that's when I've told this before, but when I was at school in Jerusalem, I went on this walk. I was alone all day, and I went on this walk, and then I went to dinner that night. And I had never been funnier. And that was the first time I did stand up, basically. Not really. I actually had done it once, I think, at that point. But like the model of sitting alone in your hotel and then exercising and then going to a group and being funny, I noticed that I. If I. It's like a dog food commercial. If you want to have the dog, wolf the food down, don't feed it for a while, right. And then roll the cameras and then feed it. That's me with being seeing people. It's like, I don't want to do momentum. I don't want to just be with people all day and then go do stand up. I want to be hungry for it. So that was that first huge data point, but it was also married to a really long walk. It was solitude and exercise equals extroverted Pete. And I was like. And that's my job. And that's why it was Tripp Crosby. I was like, you know, I love Magic Mind and the Apollo and I love Alpha Brain and all of these things that I can fold into the routine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they were. He was kind of teasing me a little bit about being such a supplement guy. And I was like, yeah, no, but I'm so confused so much of the time. And there are real stakes to it. Like I said today, I was a nightmare and was useless to myself. I was also. I thought of Richard Rohr and other people. I love just being, like, going, like, what do I do? Like, kind of not quite praying, but like asking a mentor, what do I do? And it was just like, just allow it. Just say hello. Hold it lightly. This too shall pass, you know? And I was like, I know that's true. But also, this is intolerable to me. And that's why I can't stop talking about, like, the Shakti mat, the most me thing ever. I know this mat will relieve muscle tension and circulation and change how you feel. That's all I want.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's all my favorites. Change how you feel.

[B]

Change how you feel to get me.

[A]

Back to what I consider my real self.

[B]

Right. But I do think there. I'm sure there are people who are listening to this who are like, you know, can see the therapeutic sort of answer to how we both relate to. I want to be able to control how I feel.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Like, I'm sure.

[A]

Child of alcoholics and all that sort of stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, absolutely. In fact, Leela having a hard drop off today. And for all the parents listening, you know what that means? It's like, for some reason today, yeah. She was, like, going, I don't want to go to school. She was going around the car and wouldn't let me catch her. And it was just so exasperating. Then I had to, like, hand her to the teacher, and she's kicking and screaming, and then she's like, I want a hug. And I give her a hug, but it was just to hold on to me. And you, like, basically. It's. It's so brutal.

[B]

Brutal.

[A]

And then I had this conversation with Leela in my head. I was like, I get it. Being a kid is like not being able to vote.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? It's like, you get no vote. You get no say. And that's why Leela's sleeping on me in the bed. And that's why Leela, this whole house is filled with projects that we're doing together. It's just like, I want to give it to her as much as she can. Agency and sovereignty and all of those things. And then school is the one thing.

[B]

But I think she said she's been saying more things like that lately where she's like, how come you're the one that makes all the decisions?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. And I say, because I'm the smartest and best one. So. No, but I. And then I'll, like, point out, like, you know, well, we did, you know, this instead of Taekwondo today because you wanted to, or we, you know, because I do think the answer is a blend. The Answer isn't. And I. And I do. You know, we have. We're on a spectrum as far as our friends and how they're parenting. And there are. There are people who are further on the spectrum of, like, they don't want to go to school, so, like, they don't have to go to school today. You know, there's like that kind of. And I think that, you know, I think they. She also wouldn't want to feel like she was making all the decisions. I think that is very unfortunate.

[A]

Well, we've mentioned it a million times. The friends of ours that took their kid to Disneyland and just said, we'll do everything you want to do. Kid has a panic attack, basically.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like at a certain point, the loving thing to do is go. Like, if she had tantrumed her way out of school, maybe she'd be like, you're like in 12C on an airplane and you're like, wait, are they. They need me to be focusing on the altitude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

You just 100%. And also, by the way, if she had tantrumed her way out of school, then she 100% will tantrum for the rest of the drop offs. That's right, because it totally worked. And that's one of the options. Ooh, the guitar's out.

[A]

Don't forget Christmas is hard oh, God, I gotta go. Don't forget Christmas is hard Something you'll never see on a car don't forget Christmas is hard Jingle bells back. That man smells.

[B]

I knew you were going to do that. All right, thank you guys so much for joining.

[A]

Be gentle and kind. Don't drink too much wine. Don't forget Christmas is hard.

[B]

Just you keep playing. All right, all right, everybody. Don't forget Christmas is hard and keep it crispy.