We Made It Weird #210

Summary

Podcast Summary: "We Made It Weird #210" with Pete Holmes and Valerie Tosi

Release Date: March 14, 2025

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Introduction

In episode #210 of "We Made It Weird," host Pete Holmes engages in a heartfelt and insightful conversation with Valerie Tosi. The duo delves deep into the complexities of friendships, particularly focusing on male friendships, the impact of social media on real-life relationships, and the challenges of vulnerability in modern society. This episode offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and profound reflections, making it both entertaining and thought-provoking for listeners.

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The Nature of Male Friendships and Vulnerability

Pete and Valerie kick off the discussion by addressing the evolving landscape of male friendships. Pete expresses his concern over the increasing difficulty men face in forming deep, meaningful connections:

Pete Holmes [28:05]: "I don’t want to be gender normative here or whatever, but I’m just saying, like, it does seem like there’s an epidemic of men who don’t have friends."

Valerie adds to this by highlighting the societal pressures that prevent men from showing vulnerability:

Valerie Tosi [28:05]: "It’s a very LA sort of friendship. Or like kind of a showbiz sort of friendship for it to be sort of like, all right, I gotta be like, on my A game if I’m gonna hang out with this person."

The conversation underscores the importance of creating safe spaces where men can express their true selves without the fear of judgment or competition.

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The Impact of Social Media on Relationships

Transitioning to the influence of social media, Pete and Valerie discuss how platforms like Instagram and Twitter shape our interactions and perceptions of friendships:

Pete Holmes [32:06]: "Like, what are you going to post? You sit down to talk with somebody. It’s like, here’s your tweet, and what."

Valerie elaborates on the superficial nature of online interactions:

Valerie Tosi [32:25]: "I don’t think that’s the safest place to necessarily do that kind of thing. But at the same time, it’s like, we probably should be showing more vulnerability."

They critique the "best self" persona that people project online, which often lacks authenticity and can hinder genuine connections in real life.

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Personal Stories and Anecdotes

To illustrate their points, Pete shares a humorous yet relatable story about interacting with fellow comedian Nick Kroll:

Pete Holmes [15:10]: "And then immediately. And this is my favorite part of the story, I figured out what she meant. And then I scooped her, like she was about to tell me. And I went, oh, you mean like Anne Marie? And she’s like, well, yeah, yeah, I’m Lindsay Alley or whatever."

Valerie responds with witty remarks, adding depth to the narrative:

Valerie Tosi [24:29]: "That’s a terrible double name."

These anecdotes serve to humanize the discussion, making the themes more accessible and engaging for listeners.

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Reflections on Authenticity and Self-Expression

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to the exploration of authenticity in self-expression. Pete reflects on moments when he feels the need to present a curated version of himself:

Pete Holmes [29:23]: "Because I came up with Nick and all those people, Jesse Klein. I want to think I’m cool."

Valerie echoes these sentiments, emphasizing the struggle to maintain genuine relationships in a world driven by appearances:

Valerie Tosi [29:23]: "I think in general, it’s safe to assume that it’s this generation of men, like, are learning to be vulnerable with each other."

Their conversation highlights the tension between societal expectations and the innate human desire for authentic connections.

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The Role of Therapy and Mental Health

Addressing mental health, Pete and Valerie discuss the benefits of therapy and the importance of making it accessible:

Pete Holmes [30:07]: "And I think that can make them feel very isolated. And by the way, I’m assuming what my experience is, is valid for other people. I don’t know if that’s true."

Valerie introduces strategies for being a supportive friend, stressing the importance of simply existing with someone in their vulnerable moments:

Valerie Tosi [41:02]: "Like, God, I’m sorry. That sucks. Like, I love you, you know, and that’s like, great, because I’ll go straight into, like, I need you to be."

This segment underscores the necessity of empathy and understanding in fostering strong, supportive relationships.

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Navigating Modern Friendships

The hosts delve into the intricacies of maintaining friendships amidst the demands of modern life. Pete shares his experiences of balancing personal growth with sustaining connections:

Pete Holmes [36:18]: "But the other thing that I would add to that is talking about feeling like I had to be a certain version of myself on Doug Loves Movies."

Valerie adds her perspective on the importance of regular, consistent interactions to build and maintain intimacy:

Valerie Tosi [36:49]: "Our inner circle here is it. They’re like, they’re showing us every mood. We’re seeing each other so frequently. That’s the key."

Together, they emphasize the value of frequent and genuine interactions in strengthening friendships.

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Conclusion

In this episode of "We Made It Weird," Pete Holmes and Valerie Tosi offer a candid exploration of the challenges and rewards of modern friendships. Through a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and thoughtful reflections, they address the impact of societal expectations and social media on authentic connections. The discussion serves as a reminder of the importance of vulnerability, empathy, and consistent effort in fostering meaningful relationships.

As the episode wraps up, listeners are left with a deeper understanding of the dynamics that shape our friendships and the steps we can take to cultivate more genuine and supportive connections in our lives.

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Notable Quotes

• Pete Holmes [28:05]: "I don’t want to be gender normative here or whatever, but I’m just saying, like, it does seem like there’s an epidemic of men who don’t have friends."
• Valerie Tosi [28:05]: "It’s a very LA sort of friendship. Or like kind of a showbiz sort of friendship for it to be sort of like, all right, I gotta be like, on my A game if I’m gonna hang out with this person."
• Pete Holmes [32:06]: "Like, what are you going to post? You sit down to talk with somebody. It’s like, here’s your tweet, and what."
• Valerie Tosi [32:25]: "I don’t think that’s the safest place to necessarily do that kind of thing. But at the same time, it’s like, we probably should be showing more vulnerability."
• Pete Holmes [29:23]: "Because I came up with Nick and all those people, Jesse Klein. I want to think I’m cool."
• Valerie Tosi [41:02]: "Like, God, I’m sorry. That sucks. Like, I love you, you know, and that’s like, great, because I’ll go straight into, like, I need you to be."

---

This comprehensive summary encapsulates the essence of episode #210, providing listeners with a clear and engaging overview of the discussions and insights shared by Pete Holmes and Valerie Tosi.

Transcript

[Pete Holmes]

You made it with. You made it with. You made it with. Oh, yeah. You made it with. Yes, you made it weird. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[Valerie Tosi]

What's happening, weirdos?

[Pete Holmes]

What's happening? What am I gonna say?

[Valerie Tosi]

What's happening, Weird?

[Pete Holmes]

Weirdos. What are you doing?

[Valerie Tosi]

Weirdos?

[Pete Holmes]

Put down that hose. Weirdos. Put it down.

[Valerie Tosi]

Stay. So, what are you doing?

[Pete Holmes]

What's happening?

[Valerie Tosi]

What's happening? All right.

[Pete Holmes]

I liked all of it.

[Valerie Tosi]

That was not. That's not really how this episode is.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it's not a crazy one. It's nice.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's nice.

[Pete Holmes]

I like this one. This one's a Tetley tea. Tetley sweet tea.

[Valerie Tosi]

Tetley tea. It's. What are they called? What is the essential. Is it Essentials Canteen Pro V? No, I'm trying to think of, like, the. It's the tea.

[Pete Holmes]

Lipton.

[Valerie Tosi]

No, go ahead and you do your ads.

[Pete Holmes]

Imagine being like Dennis Lipton and you walk on his estate, and he's like. All this from tea.

[Valerie Tosi]

Like celestial.

[Pete Holmes]

Celestial. Seasonings.

[Valerie Tosi]

Seasonings. Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, you don't want to say that to Doug Lipton.

[Valerie Tosi]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Did you just say.

[Valerie Tosi]

Last person? I want to say that to get.

[Pete Holmes]

Off my tea farm. We are glad you're here. What am I gonna say? What do I always say?

[Valerie Tosi]

This was the best episode.

[Pete Holmes]

It was.

[Valerie Tosi]

This was a great one. A classic.

[Pete Holmes]

I love this one.

[Valerie Tosi]

Classic. We made it weird.

[Pete Holmes]

If you're new to the show, Wednesday, I sit down with a guest. Friday, Val and I just chat. We're betrothed. We chat.

[Valerie Tosi]

We're betrothed.

[Pete Holmes]

We're betrothed and we catch up. Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

Are we. Are you still betrothed even after you've gotten married?

[Pete Holmes]

You're only betrothed.

[Valerie Tosi]

You're betrothed when you're engaged. Betrothed means engaged.

[Pete Holmes]

This is a very betrothing topic. Engaging.

[Valerie Tosi]

Nice.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, we're glad you're here. I love it. And this is the bonus episode, and we love that you're here.

[Valerie Tosi]

All right. Why don't you let me take it away?

[Pete Holmes]

So I'm on tour, people.

[Valerie Tosi]

Petehomes.com Go to Petehomes.com for the dates.

[Pete Holmes]

I think the next one is an. I'm not flying anywhere for a show for a minute. April 5th is the next Largo show. So fun. Followed by Atlantic City, Austin, St. Louis, Toronto, Nashville, Irvine, San Jose, and Royal Oak, Michigan. And this is the. The PG13 tour. Not too dirty. Very funny.

[Valerie Tosi]

That's right.

[Pete Holmes]

And if you're very funny. Not too dirty. Little dirty. PG 13.

[Valerie Tosi]

Not too dirty. Not too funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Not very funny. Very dirty.

[Valerie Tosi]

No, too dirty. Not very funny.

[Pete Holmes]

TBS characters, welcome. USA Network. It's the PG13 tour, which I'm very excited about.

[Valerie Tosi]

That's right. And if you like this podcast, these are the pics.

[Pete Holmes]

What do I say?

[Valerie Tosi]

Which are the products that we really use and really love.

[Pete Holmes]

Which is important to me.

[Valerie Tosi]

Which is important to us.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

So if you're interested in supporting the podcast, this is how we keep the lights on, as they say.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Valerie Tosi]

Katie, roll that beautiful bean footage.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow. Val, you did it. Do it, Katie. A few years ago I was a guest on Late Night with Colbert, Stephen Colbert.

[Katie]

And in the green room, there was.

[Pete Holmes]

This beautiful gift basket. And in that beautiful gift basket there's a pair of socks. I was like, who cares?

[Katie]

You ever get socks for Christmas?

[Pete Holmes]

You're like, what do you not like me?

[Katie]

But there they were, worn socks. And I'm like, well, this is a gift basket from Stephen Colbert.

[Pete Holmes]

They gotta be good.

[Katie]

Tried them on a couple months later. Every single sock in my sock drawer is worn socks. Because I absolutely love them. And they are a Pete's pick now because I am obsessed with. They are dry, comfortable, perfect fitting. Even after washes, they maintain their grip and they look somehow simultaneously classy and like sleek and modern and they come in fun colors and I absolutely love them. But the fit, something about being 40, I don't know. I can't tolerate a sock that will not hold up. That's your one job, hold up, hold my foot and stay dry. And I love, love, love worn socks. They have a performance enhanced merino fabric called Arrow wool. It's their special Arrow wool. It's a two person company. They developed this to make the perfect sock. It's super soft, super soft, super soft. 15% less moisture than cotton, wicks twice as well and lasts five times longer. Which means they are dry all day long and they are machine washable, unlike other merino brands. You can put them in the washer and every time you wash them, they refit. I don't know how it works.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like magic or something. You have to try these socks.

[Katie]

You will thank me. Go to warnbrand.com, w o r n b R-A-N-D.com and use code weird to get 20% off your first purchase. Upgrade your basics at warren brand.com and don't forget to save 20% off with code Weird. We're also brought to us. Of course I'm wearing my worn socks and of course I'm wearing My perfect jeans as well. I hate regular jeans. They're stiff, they don't give. Takes years to break them in. How about a pair of jeans? You take out of the bag and you put them on and they feel like pajamas. But they look like designer jeans and they're made with incredibly, incredibly high standards and quality materials. So they look, feel and fit great. For years and years, I've never replaced a pair. I have them in every wash and color. You could sleep in them. You might even forget you're wearing pants. Why is it 2025 and we're still wearing hard fabrics? Get it out of there. These look just as good as non comfortable jeans, but they're comfortable jeans. And what do you think you're gonna pay for them? 200? 150 bucks? Well, Perfect Jean is an incredible value at 79.99. And I wholeheartedly and authentically pretty promote this brand. I absolutely love them. If you've ever seen me in any special, including my new special that's coming up, I'm wearing perfect jean. That's all I wear, late night perfect jean. But I've also taken a nap in them because they are that comfortable. Life is too short for denim that fights you every step of the way. These jeans move with you whether you're chasing kids, tackling chores, or just chilling like a boss. So for a limited time, you can get 15% off your first order, plus free shipping at ThePerfectGene NYC. Or just Google the perfect gene and use our promo code, which is nohardpants. That's 15% off with promo code nohardpants@theperfectgene NYC. After purchase, they'll ask where you heard about us. Please support our show and tell them you made a word with Pete Holmes. Fuck your khakis and get the perfect jean.

[Valerie Tosi]

All right, all right, everybody.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm so glad you're here.

[Valerie Tosi]

Valerie, thanks for listening. Get into it.

[Pete Holmes]

Alrighty. Hello. Welcome to another guided meditation here on we made it weird. First, start by thinking about something that's been bothering you. A person said something, an email that went unreplied. A text that you went big, I'm.

[Valerie Tosi]

Gonna change the lighting while you do this.

[Pete Holmes]

You went, yeah, sure. I didn't even know you were there. A text where you took a big swing and made a big joke. And then they didn't ha ha it. And they started to type and then they stopped typing. Just think about that and hold it as if it is you. That feeling is you. It will be here forever. Obsess and Dwell. And now let's introduce a little panic fake meditation. What's that?

[Valerie Tosi]

It's a guided meditation into, like, spider spiral.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah. Let me help you. Boy, I'm certainly making fun of myself. I mean, I can't. We say this every fifth episode. But your problems seem so real. Everyone else's problems, I'm like, just cool out.

[Valerie Tosi]

Or, you know.

[Pete Holmes]

And then, like, I'll give an example. And this isn't even a good one, but I. So I did my largo this week.

[Valerie Tosi]

Brag, brag.

[Pete Holmes]

And Nick Kroll was there, and he was amazing. Well, okay. I wish my brag had been the first brag. That was a big brag. I'm just kidding. And it was awesome. And then I was talking to Nick, and I was giving examples. We were talking about Howard Stern. I was giving him examples of why I don't love Howard Stern. Always. Especially old Stern when he's just provoking them.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

So if you came on. I mean, it takes zero effort. You'd be like, so you're married to a big comedian. Is that annoying? Is he always away and he's getting all the attention? Does that drive you nuts? Like, whatever the most. It's also kind of. I'm not just saying this to be diplomatic. It's also kind of what's fun about him. You know, if he has whatever. Whoever on he's gonna say the thing. He just doesn't mind. Kind of button his face in there.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right. And it's also. I. I think we maybe needed it more at the time. Pre Internet doing it. It was pre Internet, and it was.

[Pete Holmes]

She was the Internet.

[Valerie Tosi]

But it was also pre, like, vulnerability in public, which the Internet probably has played a role.

[Pete Holmes]

No, you're absolutely right. It was like, this is different.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I actually want you to talk about.

[Valerie Tosi]

Like, talk about real stuff. Don't give me just, like, the stock interview.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Because the rest of it was like, Entertainment Tonight, these produced pieces.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. But now everybody, especially comedians, but, you know, everybody is sort of just like, getting instantly into their trauma and everything.

[Pete Holmes]

Of course. And as someone who's kind of like that. Of course, that's what I don't like, like about him, that he can be overbearing. I was just talking about our dog Beau. He's a great Pyrenees. It's so funny to have this cuddly Muppet who sometimes I go out and he's so. He's chill, and I snuggle him, and he kind of purrs. He's like. And you just. And you Grab his floppy mouth. And then sometimes I look out and your shirt is torn like you. You were shipwrecked and you have a jumping lion, and you're screaming, who knew our windows were so soundproof? You're screaming, pete, help. And I look out, and it's Tom Hanks, but no volleyball. You're helpless. And there's a. It's a Cujo attack.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

And I just don't know which one I'm gonna. And it's me, too.

[Valerie Tosi]

We don't know which one he's gonna get. And I.

[Pete Holmes]

He's got pup energy. You're in trouble.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. And in his defense, it is just puppy energy because he's not, like, aggressive. He's. He's, like, doing what any small puppy would do where they, like.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

Jump at you and take little.

[Pete Holmes]

This is nibble. Exactly.

[Valerie Tosi]

But he's 112po, and it's scary.

[Pete Holmes]

But that's. We've talked a lot about how I've bonded with this dog, and I love this dog, and I'm into this dog, and a lot of the reason is because it's the same reason we love anything. And that's embarrassing. And it's not always the case, but he reminds me of me. You're too much.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So with the Nick Kroll story, I'm going like, I don't like that. Stern always just goes for the thing. And then this is. For some reason, when I'm with Nick, I always act like I'm in junior high. There are just certain people that you've always thought are cool, and you just. Even though I'm 45 and just. I'm okay, like, I have my life.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not like. You know what I mean? When you're, like, young and busking and, like, going for it, it makes sense that you might get a little sweaty.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

But now Nick and I, similar places. We're fine. It's okay.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, meaning established. We should be calm.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Spilled coffee on yourself.

[Valerie Tosi]

I don't even know how I did that.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know how you did.

[Valerie Tosi]

I went from, like, a still position to, like, flipping it up.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah, you went. I watched you kind of like a T. Rex, Like a little T. Rex arm under the cup and lifted it up.

[Valerie Tosi]

Like how you would play flip cup.

[Pete Holmes]

You played flip cup, but with a coffee cup. And now it's spilling, and it's like if we were filming a movie and the scene had you spill it, I'd be like, can you do it in a way that people would actually do.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right. And can you do it in a way that you can do for multiple takes?

[Pete Holmes]

Like, you would never be able to reproduce that ever. That reminds me of when we were sitting on the couch and Leela's stuffy. We have this big singing bowl. That singing bowl really reminds me of before we had kids, when I was, like, just going into crystal shops and.

[Valerie Tosi]

Being like, we got it at the Chakra Shack in Laguna Beach.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell me you don't have kids without telling me you don't have kids. I was just at the Chakra Shack in Laguna beach, and I bought a.

[Valerie Tosi]

Like, a $400.

[Pete Holmes]

I think it was more. I'm embarrassed, but it was. It's like a big. Yeah, I get. I get manic. And I'm like, we need a lot of vibrating sound.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And they were like, this one opens your heart. And I'm like, is that peer reviewed?

[Valerie Tosi]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not saying that. I'm like, it opens your heart. And now I have been on drugs and I've rang that bowl, and I'm like, this is. This is exactly what they say it is. Like, I. I can see it.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yes, exactly. But now it. And it used to be, like, sort of the hearth of our home. Like, it was in the center. Center.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Valerie Tosi]

And now it literally has marker drawing on it. And it, like, has Leela's toys stuff in it. In it. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So I'm sitting on the couch, and there. This isn't a good story, but it's almost over. There was, like, one of her bigger, heavier stuffies, and I think our friend Sam was over, I think. And I just kind of recklessly kicked this fairly heavy. It probably has, like, a battery pack in this. In this. It's like a talking stuffy, but just got an impulse and kicked, and it flew across the room and landed not just in the singing bowl, but perfectly. Like Marilyn Monroe might enter, like a champagne glass in, like, a dance sequence. Like, it slid. You know what I'm saying?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like a bass. Like an elegant. Like, my back is on the back of it, and I slide in. My butt is scooped by it. My feet are kicking out, and there's bubbles. Yes, that's how it landed in there. And I was like, what?

[Valerie Tosi]

And also, I will say, to make the story better, it's sort of like, if not half, like, one third. Under a shelf.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's under a shelf.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's like, in shelves.

[Pete Holmes]

If this giant bowl was just sitting out in the open, this thing has been tucked Away in a bookshelf in the corner.

[Valerie Tosi]

And it went in.

[Pete Holmes]

You're exactly right. It was like a mail slot. And even Leela, who saw me do it, was like, how did that happen? Because it went like a mail slot and it went in. And Marilyn Monroe feed out of the champagne tub. And why did I mention that? Who knows?

[Valerie Tosi]

My coffee cup, maybe.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, maybe.

[Valerie Tosi]

I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

I was saying that life is weird.

[Valerie Tosi]

Anyway, and I stand by that.

[Pete Holmes]

The Nick Kroll thing is, I was going, yeah, I could have just ended with like, he's too provocative, I guess, is the word he. Provocating sounds better. Howard Stern.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then I go like, if you were on, he'd just be like, well, you do this big cartoon, but don't you want to be a star? And I was like, why did I say that? Like, I gave an example. I don't think Nick gives a shit. But I thought of what would be the provoking question to ask you. Wouldn't you rather be your face?

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, right.

[Pete Holmes]

Also, Nick is a very calm and a successful person, but as I said that, I was like, why am I in junior high right now? I haven't had that feeling of, like, talking to someone I admire. And I do not think Nick clocked it or gave a shit. I doubt at all. It's even embarrassing that I'm telling it like it's a story, but it's more about a feeling that I got and that it's interesting that you can be 45. I think it's important and feel established in your life. Like, not desperate, not clingy, not weird. But if. Because I came up with Nick and all those people, Jesse Klein. I want to think I'm cool. Mulaney, obviously, I want him to think I'm cool. There's like, I know, Melane a little bit. Whatever. Better. Calmer. But anyway, still, what I'm bringing up to you is, are there people in your life that when you talk to them, you just revert to, like, seventh grade.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm in seventh grade.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And remembering what it was like to just be like, right, rubber bands on my braces. My hands are so wet, I could put out a candle.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Just, like, smell kind of vaguely of farts. Like, no one's told me if you fart in a pair of pants too many times. Yeah, you need to wash them. I'm just like, they're not dirty. They've been like. What is it called when you. When you have a steak and you rub it? It's like, there's, like, a rub in your pants. Like, there's a horseradish.

[Valerie Tosi]

There's a meat rub.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a meat rub. Someone took your pants and, like, massaged fragrance into them. And I know you can't see it, but everyone knows you're in the room, and they don't quite know why they don't like talking to you.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm just, like, wet.

[Valerie Tosi]

Wet.

[Pete Holmes]

Wet is the. I was just wet.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. I've felt that plenty of times in my life.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

I don't know if I have. That's a good question. I'm not sure if I have anybody from my Brett Goldstein. No, I mean, from my past that I still feel that way.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah. Because I. It's not just starstruck. It's literally this. Well, my parents. When you're with your parents, I revert. It's 1986. It's hard for me to, like.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Not fall into the Sunken Place, but.

[Valerie Tosi]

I definitely have had people throughout my entire life that I am that way with. I think, like, when I'm with people who. Especially if they're, like, men who I know don't see me, who, like, I'm really, like, oh, I just look like. Like warm.

[Pete Holmes]

Warm color.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. I just.

[Pete Holmes]

There's something over there.

[Valerie Tosi]

Round shapes and, like.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

You know, then I will get extra sweaty and wet and awkward and vanishing and. Yeah. But I won't, like, play small. I'll play, like, extra dorky. Like, I'll seem like my mom.

[Pete Holmes]

Valerie, when you said your mom. You've heard me perfectly.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

When I'm talking to Nick. Not always, but I'm just, like, a fucking dork. I'm like, I told him about Valley Heat. I want to talk about that. I was on Valley Heat.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, my God. Of course we have to talk.

[Pete Holmes]

It hasn't come out yet, but I got to do Valley Heat, which was a dream come true, but I'm talking to him about it. I've told a million people about Valley Heat, but for some reason, I'm talking to Nick, and I'm like, you got. Let me know. Let me know what you think. Like, text me. Like, I'm making it a.

[Valerie Tosi]

An assignment.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, an assignment. It's like a desperate girlfriend leaving a toothbrush. Oh, I forgot my toothbrush. I got. I can come back Friday at 7 for dinner. I mean, I'm. I'm kidding. So I'm like, text me.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

It's just that. That is so. Yes, that's your mom.

[Valerie Tosi]

I really know That I think this is an incredibly relatable feeling, too, when you're doing it and in real time.

[Pete Holmes]

That's exactly right.

[Valerie Tosi]

Like, stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

What.

[Valerie Tosi]

Do it just be normal. What is happening?

[Pete Holmes]

That's exactly what it was. It's Dr. Strange. I have my astral body behind me going like, this isn't you.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, just cool out.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm like, not right now. Hey, Nick, what kind of shoes are those? Just trying. Here's the thing. I talked about this at Largo this week, but I think it's worth. I think it's definitely worth. You said sometimes people don't see you. And I was like, yeah, I tried this on stage. I'm never going to do it again. It was a one and done. But it's where I think it's worth sharing here, because it just happened. I went into a juice shop. Andrew Santino called me. He was on Largo. And I answered the phone. I was like, are you canceling? Like, I was. Because he's calling me like an hour before the show. I was like, this is a cancel. Are you canceling the show? I was like, yeah, we have a show tonight. And he was like, no, I'm not canceling. And we talked, and I hung up. And the woman at the juice place was like, juice place? Could this story get any more la?

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, it's the most LA so far.

[Pete Holmes]

Andrew Santino calls me. And what's funny is Andrew Santino sort of is like. He calls. I know, I know. Just own it. Just own it. If I was wearing a button up shirt, I'd unbutton one of them.

[Valerie Tosi]

Do you want to chew this gum right now and call me babe?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's what I was gonna say. Santino calls you babe?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He does it like a joke.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But he calls you like you're on a car phone in 1989 and he's like, hey, babe. No, I'm not canceling, babe. Love you, babe. Like, it's. It's very like.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know. I like it. It's cute.

[Pete Holmes]

I like it, too. So I get off the phone. The point of this story, by the way, is that some people just don't see you. You just are a mass of color and warmth that. And shapes and they have something they want to say and you're there.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

Nothing wrong with that. I certainly do that. I know I do that. That's why I'm triggered by it. And that's why it takes one to no one. So anyway, it takes one to no one. I'm Valley Heating it real hard. Takes one to no one. Oh. Any other. Any other trite little expressions you want to. Anyway, the newest episode of Valley of Good Morning Burbank. You got, like, you need to sign up for Patreon to listen to episode 47. Episode 47 of Good Morning Burbank is one of the funniest things I've ever heard in my life. It's funnier than a proper Valley Heat. Like I told Christian, who makes the show, I was like, good Morning Burbank is just as good. And I was like, sometimes better. For episode 47 is Scream. Scream funny.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

You can listen to on my phone.

[Valerie Tosi]

But, like, I think I'm going to be clammy and weird when I finally get to meet Christian.

[Pete Holmes]

I think that'll go away real fast because he's a. He's a Hammond Egger. And I don't mean that in a bad. That's not a bad thing to say about somebody.

[Valerie Tosi]

That's a good.

[Pete Holmes]

He's like a regular. He just looks like black diner coffee in that mug. You know the mug.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

Everyone knows the mug.

[Valerie Tosi]

Like the brown painted rim.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, exactly. Which is funny because one of the things on Valley Heat is there's a place called Boiling Hot Coffee or something. And he's like, and there's only one size. And they go, picture a cup of coffee. It's that size. And I was like, this is so what I think is funny.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

Picture it. And then he's like. And then they gave it to me. And yeah, it was exactly the size I was picture. And he goes, it's a detective size. It's like a detective is at the scene and he's like, you stopped for coffee. Someone's been murdered. You stopped for a cup of coffee.

[Valerie Tosi]

They always have coffee.

[Pete Holmes]

It's true. Detective size. It's just the funniest thing in the world. Listen to Valley Heat and do the Patreon. Because who. I'm saying this because I want good art to exist, and I don't want him to stop making it. I want him to keep going forever.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Any whole. Oh, yeah. I was just saying. I'm really valheating the story. But she. The woman says, oh, you're. You have a shout knot. You have shout knot. And I go, yeah, I'm a comedian. And she's. Where's that? And I'm like, it's. It's at Largo. She's like, all right, you perform all town. Why am I giving you beat for beat?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Then she goes, what's your name? And I go, pete Holmes. And she goes, oh, is that a double name?

[Valerie Tosi]

A double name?

[Pete Holmes]

Is that a double knife?

[Valerie Tosi]

That's not a term.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm thinking, this is like Skippity Toilet or something. Like, I don't know what the. Is it like I'm. I'm in the dark on some, like, hashtag double name. Like, yeah, is that a double name?

[Valerie Tosi]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

So I'm like, what? She's like, is that a double nine double? And I go, what's a double name?

[Valerie Tosi]

Still bath. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then she goes, oh, double. This is. This is beat for beat. I'm not adding a single beat. This is exactly how it went. She went, oh, double names are huge now. Huge. And I was like, double name. Then she goes, especially in the South. And then immediately. And this is my favorite part of the story, I figured out what she meant. And then I scooped her, like she was about to tell me. And I went, oh, you mean like Anne Marie? And she's like, well, yeah, yeah. And then she. And then I go, are you a double name? And she goes, yeah, I'm Lindsay Alley or whatever. And I was like, lindsay Alley. All right. Lindsay Alley.

[Valerie Tosi]

That's a terrible double name.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a terrible. Annie June. Yeah, I'm Annie June. And I was like, yeah. And then I go, homes is not a first name. Like, you thought Pete Holmes. Is that a double name? You just wanted to tell me that you. You have a double name. Well, just say I have a double name. Yeah, just be like, what's your name? Pete Holmes. Oh, just one name, because I have a double name. Oh, really? We counting names over here?

[Valerie Tosi]

It is so weird.

[Pete Holmes]

Is it one point per name?

[Valerie Tosi]

It's weird on so many levels.

[Pete Holmes]

First of all, it, like, is that a double name?

[Valerie Tosi]

Like, call it like a hyphenated name or something.

[Pete Holmes]

Double.

[Valerie Tosi]

Just don't call it double name. Nobody's calling it that. That's not a thing. I mean, it's a thing, but it's not called that.

[Pete Holmes]

Double name is people who put butter on their ham and cheese sandwiches. I don't know what that means. Yeah, but if you're eating ham and cheese and the bread is buttered with cold but.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right. It's toasted.

[Pete Holmes]

You're going double nine. That's a double name.

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, it's all. And that's okay. There's so many qualms, actually, because you thought Holmes. You thought Holmes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, my name is Pete Holmes. That's my double name. Johnson.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, exactly. And Also, you thought in that case that I was only giving you my first name. When you're asking in a context of like, oh, what's your name? You're a comedian. I look out for you.

[Pete Holmes]

Everything is wrong about it.

[Valerie Tosi]

I think that would be the equivalent of you being like, it's Pete.

[Pete Holmes]

Right? My name. Annie June. Annie June what? Like, if you really thought it was a double nine, you'd say pete Holmes. What?

[Valerie Tosi]

Right. Exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you mean, Pete Holmes? What? The. The first.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Esquire.

[Valerie Tosi]

It is weird. Also, this is a smaller qualm.

[Pete Holmes]

Quam.

[Valerie Tosi]

Quam.

[Pete Holmes]

Quam.com. come log on to qualm.com and leave your qualms.

[Valerie Tosi]

But double knimes are a thing in the south and have been for hundreds of years. It's not, like, a huge thing.

[Pete Holmes]

She made it sou. It was. It's blowing up.

[Valerie Tosi]

That is blowing up. My entire family from Texas is called their first and middle name.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

Dorsan.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

Ana Jene. Like, that's what they're called. They've been doing that forever.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I know. I've read and of Green Gable and I've read of Mice and Men. I've read. What is the dust bowl one? Oh, where they're fleeing the bowl.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

O, Grapes of Wrath.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

I've read Grapes of Wrath.

[Valerie Tosi]

I kept I. In my brain. I kept going, gilbert Grape. No, Gilbert Grape.

[Pete Holmes]

What's eating Gilbert? Grapes of Wrath. That's like the Doug loves movies game where you had to blend two movies. What's eating Gilbert? Grapes of Wrath.

[Valerie Tosi]

This is. I feel bad asking this, but is Doug still loving movies? Is he still doing that?

[Pete Holmes]

That's a good question. I don't know if Doug still loves movies.

[Valerie Tosi]

Love that podcast.

[Pete Holmes]

Doug used to have me do it, and he hasn't asked me in a long time, but that does not mean it. That doesn't mean it's not happening.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. It could mean that he just got tired of you.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, honestly, we talk about this. That was a version of me that I am not even crazy about.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. And. But then you, like, felt like you had to keep kind of doing it.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's. I was just talking to somebody about this. There are certain friends. Like, again, I'm 45. We moved out of L. A. And I married you, Right? Not in that order, but I'm just, like, learning how to be a friend. And one of the things I really want to introduce to men, because I. I know I don't want to be gender normative here or whatever, but I'm just saying, like, it does seem like there's an epidemic of men who don't have friends.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And we're so competitive with one another and. And there's such a. Even if it's on the sly.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

We just want to know. I. I tried to do that joke. Like, what do you do? Is just saying, like, am I winning or are you winning? You know what I mean? It's like, really tricky. And so I watched an Alain Dubiton video, School of Life, I think it's called School of Life Video. And it was talking about, like, real male friendship is when you can say, like, if you knew, I wouldn't judge you. What would you tell me? Like, what are you ashamed of? And like, when's the last time you cried? These are the types of questions that I've been trying to ask with my guy friends. I'm very fortunate. I have a lot of guy friends that are down with that. But the other thing that I would add to that is talking about feeling like I had to be a certain version of myself on Doug Loves Movies. Talking about this like, anyone gives a shit. I'm just saying, like, we all know the feeling of going into certain spaces and feeling like we have to be a certain version of ourselves. It might be work, it might be talking to your boss, it might be your family, whatever you put on a mask. And there are certain friends less and less so that I. The big one for me was I can only call them if I'm killing it. If I'm like, busting with, like, things have been going my way, then I feel safe to talk to a guy.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because he's gonna be like, what do you got going on? And I can be like. And then I can. My way of doing it is be false, modest and be like, I don't know. And just HBO just gave me a seven million dollar or whatever. You know what I mean?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I've never gotten $7 million. I'm just saying, like, you wanna have things to report.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And that goes back to talking to my father. If you want to talk to my father, like, have the things, like, I feel safe and good talking to my dad. If I can be like, this is silly, but, like, I'm on Hollywood Squares, but I don't feel equipped for the journey to call my dad and be like, you know, I'm really ashamed about.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. Like, success is the currency.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. Your relationship, which is exhausting, but it's also. It's one of the currencies of men. And I think that can make them feel very isolated. And by the way, I'm assuming what my experience is, is valid for other people. I don't know if that's true.

[Valerie Tosi]

I'm just saying, I think in general, it's safe to assume that it's this generation of men, like, are learning is learning, is learning to be vulnerable with each other.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie Tosi]

And the benefits.

[Pete Holmes]

But you even see it with kids, right? Like, if you have a new ball or a bat, you're thrilled to go to the park and show everyone your bat. And I don't know how much of that is our culture or how much of that is learned. You see it in movies, like video games. You won the thing. But I don't know how far back it goes, but there's certain people, and I'm trying to be better about it. I'm trying to hang out. Sam comes up a lot on this pod. Sam is one of my close friends. And hang out with Sam when you don't feel good. Well, that's really uncomfortable because then you just have someone mirroring back to you that you've blown it. Like, that's how it feels. I've blown it. I don't feel good. And they're like, oh, I see that. And I'm like, no, no, now it's real. Oh, I could have just gone up like Quasimodo and just hung out. I think that's like video games and pornography.

[Valerie Tosi]

And this is really. Yes, this is interesting. I think it's social media, too. I think you're really honing in on the difference between, like, true relationship and what we've sort of are replacing true relationships with social media relationships. And not just on social media. I think the way that we are.

[Pete Holmes]

Is affecting how we are in real life. Which means, like, what. What are you going to post? You sit down to talk with somebody. It's like, here's your tweet, and what.

[Valerie Tosi]

You'Re gonna post is your best self that doesn't even really exist, except for maybe for 30 seconds a day.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. And if you post, I'm having a hard time now you're thirsty.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a thirst trap.

[Valerie Tosi]

Exactly. Yeah. Where it's like, there's actually. No, you're not. But you're. You're.

[Pete Holmes]

You're desperate. You're. You're sort of like you're signaling. You just want likes. You just want engagement. Which, by the way, it's like Sarah Silverman's joke. It's like a little kid's running around and his mom is like, Just ignore him. He just wants attention. And she's like, give it to him.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, give it to him. Oh, you mean a basic human need. Why don't you give it to.

[Pete Holmes]

Exactly. But when I see someone posting, like, I don't know about tonight.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you're like, here it comes. And I always think it's dumb. I feel like you've been suckered into this person's drama. But then if I'm clear, I'm like, no, this person's having a hard time. But I have been burned in the past. Somebody posts something like that, you reach out to them. I've done this. I've messaged them.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then they're fine.

[Valerie Tosi]

No, I think they're not always fine.

[Pete Holmes]

You got to check on your friends.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, no, I don't. I'm. I'm not taking a hard stance for or against doing that kind of thing on social media. But I will say that there is a part of me that's like, that's. That's not necessarily. I don't know, it's the way that. It depends on the way that you're doing it and what you're looking for. I don't think that's the safest place to necessarily do that kind of thing.

[Pete Holmes]

For sure.

[Valerie Tosi]

But at the same time, it's like. But also, we probably should be showing more vulnerability.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I know. I'm disgusted. Even though. Yes. That I love being vulnerable. And then I'm also like. I was going to use the word disgusted. Like, sometimes I'm like, ugh, keep that to yourself. You know, when we meet somebody in real life who talks. Well, like, on this podcast, you and I are very safe. We're talking, go deep, share things, talk about therapy. And I do like that if I know somebody, but if I don't know somebody and they just start unloading, like their deepest, darkest.

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, yeah, that can be off putting. I do think there is something to. There's a time and a place for it. But that's going back to what is interesting about what you're saying is. Because what I was gonna say is I also. And I think it is a very la. In my experience, it's a very LA sort of friendship. Or like, kind of like a showbiz sort of friendship for it to be sort of like, all right, I gotta be like, on my A game if I'm gonna hang out with this person. Right. We're gonna do bits and it's gonna be like we're sort of having dinner as our Personas.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I'll. I'll here hear that, because I think. I don't know who it was. It was one of my close friends, and we were talking, and I was kind of slow and dumpy, and the friend, you know, comedians are like this. He was like, all right, I'm gonna go. You're not really paying out today.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, my God. Really?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, something like that.

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was like that. I know what they mean. We're often calling each other to, like, blow air under the feather, the floating feather of our lives. And it's like, I'm trying to keep this feather up.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So I'm gonna call you and do some laughs and. But it's very practical. It's not. Did your feather hit the ground?

[Valerie Tosi]

No, it's very. I think there is also a place for that. But, like, to me, I'm like, well, that's not like. That's not intimacy. That's for sure. It's not like, super deep. A super deep friendship. Meaning I couldn't only have that. And when I first moved to LA and I was adjusting to the fact that everyone was like that, I was like, oh, my God. Oh, no.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, it is like a Twilight gonna do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

I need, like, real friends who. For every move, you know, But. And then I eventually did find that in la, but I also, now that we're in Ojai, and I do feel like our. Our inner circle here is it. They're like. They're showing us every mood. We're seeing each other so frequently. That's the key. Yeah, I really do think it is.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like this podcast. You have to be frequently to do it. Like you and I. Sorry to, but the applicable and present metaphor is this podcast. We do this podcast no matter how we feel.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

As opposed to. I can cancel the other ones and schedule it, reschedule it.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I don't feel like it. We always do this on Friday, and then it's like, so similarly, we do, like, a Sunday dinner. These are like the life hacks to community. And intimacy is like, let's get together. Let's have an agreement that we get together even when we're not.

[Valerie Tosi]

Even if I didn't have a chance to clean the house and I'm, like, in a bad mood. And what I was gonna say is that before you said the thing about it not feeling good is that, like, doing the. More like, doing it when you are not in the right mood and you hang out with someone and it's Fine. Like, that feels really good because you're being seen. And that's ultimately what we all want anyway, right? But that was why it was an interesting turn when you were like, it actually, like, doesn't feel good always to be seen that much.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, if you can't trust it, it's like a scared cat that you're trying to get to.

[Valerie Tosi]

You're learning to trust it. Yes, that makes sense.

[Pete Holmes]

And in my therapy, approaching parts of yourself that might be complicated or tricky, like angry or scared or whatever it is. And we've said this many times on the pod, you just tell them, like, I respect you. I love you. I also, I think respect is like, I understand you. That's when we start to go like, oh, it's. They really mean it. Like, it's like the bird Talker lyric. It's like, she loves me and she loves French fries. Like, real love is like, respect, understanding, spacious, calm. Like, I'm not. It's okay. You're having a rough one. Like, one of our friends was having a rough one, and they came by, and we just kind of. We didn't even talk about it. We're just kind of like. Like, silverback gorillas. One of them had a bad day. The bananas were green that day. And the others are just kind of there.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, that's it.

[Pete Holmes]

It's.

[Valerie Tosi]

So you have to, like, that's.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's not just that. Because I need someone to be like, I understand you and I respect you. That's like the key. You can't just jump to, like, I love you. Then I'm like, well, this is hard. I actually, like, it would be more valuable to me to be like, I understand how you feel. I would feel the same way. It's valid how you feel.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And I respect how you feel. I'm actually. I see you're trying to, like, process something difficult. That's exactly how I would process it. It's weird.

[Valerie Tosi]

That's interesting. So you're saying you need that more than just sort of the friend thing of, like, we're just gonna. You're having a hard time, and we're just gonna have it together.

[Pete Holmes]

But sometimes I like that, too. But sometimes I need specific. It's what my. Again? In my therapy, like, if I have a part that gets really angry when my father says, call your mother, I have to be like, I get that. I'm not trying to get rid of you. That's valid. You're valid. That's what I need.

[Valerie Tosi]

That the subtext for me is when we're just. And I'm. I've had to learn this, and I still am learning this. Like, really the.

[Pete Holmes]

This is. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. By the way, it's funny that his podcast is called Conan O'Brien needs a friend, but it's. It's bits and fun. I love that podcast.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But we're like, what is a friend?

[Valerie Tosi]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

This is like the. No, in fact, companion piece to be like, it's not just hanging out. It's like, I need you to tell me I'm valid.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know. And like, I listened to Conan's podcast every week, and I. What I was going to say when I. I was going to use that as an example when I'm like, it's a classic LA thing to just be like, you're not paying out kind of friendships. Like, that's clearly what all of his friendships seem to be to me.

[Pete Holmes]

Certainly on the show. Yeah, yeah, on the show.

[Valerie Tosi]

Exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I can't.

[Valerie Tosi]

I'm sure we love Conan.

[Pete Holmes]

There's. There's no fire that I love con. I understand. I understand. I think what you're saying is. Is important.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. And they're doing that because that's the entertain. That's the more entertaining thing. We should probably be doing that.

[Pete Holmes]

That's hilarious. But the line blurs. Like you were saying. Our. Our. Our physical hangs are becoming like social media hangs, which by the. And. And similarly, our hangs are becoming like podcast hangs.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And not every hang needs to be like, pay it out. In fact, well, that. I feel like we drop it off here, and the rest of the day, I'm pretty. Pretty dull.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. I've been meaning to talk to you about that.

[Pete Holmes]

Can I talk to you for a second?

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, what I was going to say is what I've learned is to, like, in order to be. To be a good friend. I. Actually, the lesson I have is like, do less, do more. Just being. Yeah, like being. Just being in the discomfort with the friend.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Valerie Tosi]

And you can say, you know, like, you can just be like, God, I'm sorry. That sucks.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

Like, I love you, you know, and that's like, great, because I'll go straight into, like, I need you to be. Okay, so let me fix all of this. I've solved it. Can you do that? Like, you know, whatever. And. And that doesn't feel great. And really, the messaging is. It's. It's like parenting. If I'm doing that, the messaging is like, it's not okay that you're not okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Valerie Tosi]

But if I'm just existing with you while you're not okay, it is parenting. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

When Leela's having a hard time, there's a helping time, and then there's just like a. They're really precious times. Somebody just said that too. When your kid says something, the one of the best things you can do. These are children, by the way, not grown ups. But say it back to them. They say something tricky like, I want to die. Well, this isn't tricky. I want to dye my hair blue. And in the 80s, you'd be like, why do you not see it? Like, I don't know you're gonna get a job with blue hair? We're already getting a job. Kid 7. How are you gonna get a job with blue hair? Pretty sure it'll be different hair by then. But anyway, just repeating it like, you want to get blue hair. It's like, yeah, everyone at school is dyeing their hair. It's like, everyone at school is dyeing their hair. I was like, yeah, I kind of feel like I don't fit in. And. And that what they said was, now you're having the conversation you want to have.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Which is about how they feel, how they're interpreting their lives.

[Valerie Tosi]

I love that. And I'm all for that in theory. And also, I've been living this with Leela getting her ears pierced. And it's not how it goes.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I understand.

[Valerie Tosi]

She literally goes, I want to get my ears pierced. And I go, yeah, you want to. You want to get your ears pierced. I know. And she's like, when can I do it? Yeah. And then I'll be like, when I.

[Pete Holmes]

Hear you asking, when can we do it? Today?

[Valerie Tosi]

Like, yeah, tomorrow.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, we can't do it today. Tomorrow.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I think it's cute. I just love that she wants anything.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

I just think it's cute.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm like, you're in there going like, I want ear rig.

[Valerie Tosi]

And she's thinking about it. I know. And I actually. I was her age when I got my ears pierced, so I need to let her just do it.

[Pete Holmes]

But, yeah, but you're also. You were trash. I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's hurtful because it's true.

[Pete Holmes]

Just kidding. When I say you were trash.

[Valerie Tosi]

I think family would have killed.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Valerie Tosi]

Trash.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Valerie Tosi]

For sure.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. Yeah. It doesn't mean it's true. It's just my mother really defined herself.

[Valerie Tosi]

She's an immigrant trash than a snob. That's rather be trash than snob.

[Pete Holmes]

No, you're. That's fair. And you can say that from one of those like plastic backed foldable sun chairs.

[Valerie Tosi]

This is such a betrayal. You are literally getting that from a picture I showed you of me as like a three year old or like two or three.

[Pete Holmes]

And you leave them in the sun, they get sun faded. They're like sun faded plastic folding sun chairs. We have put those in the front yard and sip a crystal light. It's got no calories. Drink that while you bake in the sun. And the postman comes by and you're like, oh golly, but get up. Your boob falls out. Get up and get your mail.

[Valerie Tosi]

Look, if you want a woman of character, this is the passion she has to have.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I wouldn't change a thing. But I also love that it's a ripe. It's a matt rife area for me.

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, you know what? We used to have a lot it felt like of those lawn, the fold.

[Pete Holmes]

Out lawn chairs, the long ones.

[Valerie Tosi]

The long ones. But that they had the little like straws, you know what I mean? Like the tubes, they were like a soft plastic. It was made of like two. All those tubes put together. You could stick your like arm through it.

[Pete Holmes]

You loved it.

[Valerie Tosi]

I love sticking my arm through it. Yeah, we had so many of those growing up. That was what we took to the.

[Pete Holmes]

Beach camping and onion. I think it was the onion or one of these rip offs that was like Oakley. Designing a new pair of sunglasses designed for the front of the head. I was like, yes, Queen. I loved it.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's the first time they're actually making sunglasses for the front of the head.

[Pete Holmes]

Of the head. They should try making ones that go on the front of the head. The other thing I want to say, and then we'll go to the ads briefly is you're talking about how social media is changing our hangs in real life. And that is so true because we were at a coffee place and it wasn't. I'm pretty embarrassed. But there was a kid playing on their chair and they were leaning back, but they were also leaning forward. So it kind of happened in slow motion. So it wasn't real peril. But there was a child on a chair leaning back that was going to the ground. Yeah, it's happening kind of slowly. But the kid was also like, was fine. But it didn't even occur to me to stop it. Like I could have stopped it. I. It would have taken a lot of Effort. I would have had to put down a coffee and move about a car length and then stopped it. And this is always. This is a weird consideration, but sometimes you feel like that's their job. Like, like, I don't want to take the. They should stop it. Yeah. That's the parents. But they also will get the pleasure. And, like, some random guy is the hero. That's weird.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But I'm just watching it and the kid falls, and it's kind of funny because she's fine. And instead of, like, reaching out, like, you're thinking you want to, like, double tap reality and go like, that was funny. Like, just completely. And this is the issue. Like, we're watching our lives. Like, they're clips, Right. Our sex is pornography. Like, a kid falling is a funny clip. Like, again, I am embarrassed by this and I'm working on it. But the first thought, the kids falling backwards again in slow motion. It was fine. I'm like, I wonder if this will be funny. That was my thought. I wasn't like, how can I assist?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I was like, will this make me feel good? Good?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's it.

[Pete Holmes]

That's. That's the phone life.

[Valerie Tosi]

That's the phone life. Because the phone is just making us feel good at a rapid rate.

[Pete Holmes]

And all about you. Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

And then it's all. And then it's making us feel terrible. But yeah, and it's all about you. And there's like, no stakes, which is.

[Pete Holmes]

Why the woman's like, you got a double name. Because the phone, like, if you ask ChatGPT, it would be like, double name. That's interesting. What is that exactly?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's what she thought I would say. But I was like, oh, you mean like Anne Marie? I'm being a turd. Let's go to the mids and then we'll be right back. And I have something that I'm wondering if I'll be able to make it as profound for you as it was for me. But it was really interesting yesterday driving home. So we'll be right back in two to three minutes.

[Katie]

This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. We talk a lot about therapy on the show, how it has greatly improved and enhanced my life. But let's talk numbers. Traditional in person therapy can cost anywhere from a hundred bucks to 250 bucks. 350 bucks. I've paid 350 for a therapy session for sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Sure.

[Katie]

I didn't keep going, but I have. And BetterHelp is online therapy where you can save on average up to 50% per session. With BetterHelp, you pay a flat fee for weekly sessions, saving you big on cost and time. That's how it should be. Therapy should feel accessible, not like some weird luxury. And with online therapy, you get quality care at a price that makes sense and can help you with anything from anxiety to daily stress. In my case, family stuff, breakup, job stuff. Your mental health is worth it. And now it's within reach. I have benefited so much from therapy. It is greater than the sum of its parts. It's helped me through so many transitions. Moving, changing work, changing relationships, setting up boundaries with my family. I can't speak highly of it enough. And BetterHelp makes it so, so easy. With over 30,000 therapists, Better Help is the world's largest online therapy platform, having served over 5 million people globally. It's convenient. You can join a session with the click of a button, helping you find fit therapy into your busy life. Plus, you can switch therapists at any time. Your well being is worth it. Visit betterhelp.com weirdo today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp h lp.com weirdo for 10% off. And let's talk about gut health as well. Because if you're like me, you've all had those moments. You know what I mean? Eat a big meal, you're feeling good. And then not so good. Bloated, sluggish, and wondering why your pants suddenly hate you. I've been there and I thought, okay, maybe I need a detox. Maybe I need to cut out everything. Everything fun. But then I found something that actually works and improves everything in that part of the equator. Peaks Pur Tea Pure. Pu dash E R Pure. I'm not kidding when I tell you this stuff has changed the game. I start my mornings with green pure. And let me tell you, it's like flipping a switch. I get this calm, focused energy that doesn't go with those caffeine jitters or that dreaded afternoon crash. And after meals, I do the black poor. It is poor. It's my go to. It's smooth, earthy, and leaves me feeling light and balanced instead of like I swallowed a brick. And here's the kicker. Purd isn't just tea. It's fermented, which means it's loaded with living probiotics and prebiotics that actually support your gut health. So it's like a reset button for your microbiome, and the science backs it up. The antioxidants in this tea help with digestion energy metabolism and even radiance. Radiant skin.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Katie]

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[Pete Holmes]

Back to the show. We're back. It was. It was four minutes, wasn't it? I'm so bad at doing short ads.

[Valerie Tosi]

I know, but remember when there used to be the intros? Used to be 11 minutes.

[Pete Holmes]

My intros?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yes. What do you mean, your intros? To this podcast. And listeners of this podcast, like long time listeners will attest they used to be 11 minutes long.

[Pete Holmes]

With the ads, you mean?

[Valerie Tosi]

Maybe. Yeah. With the Pete's picks. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Really? 11 minutes.

[Valerie Tosi]

Number. You have to believe me.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, no, I. Yeah, I did make it. She has data.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

If I go over four, I do it again.

[Valerie Tosi]

Wow, you're doing great ads. Wow, you're doing great.

[Pete Holmes]

But. But legally, legally, contractually, yeah. They only have to be a minute. But I'm talking about something I like and then I'm like. It just feels so. It feels bad to just be like magic mind when you need to focus and then you move on. I just want to be like, I like it. I drink it. I have it in my car. Like somehow it makes it feel less skeezy. If I'm like, I really do. Shakti.

[Valerie Tosi]

Matt, let me tell you.

[Pete Holmes]

I have a thing in my back and I lay on my Shakti mat and it makes it feel better. Instead of being like, aches, pains, they all melt away with Shakti mat. But I get it. I get it.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I get it both ways, guys. I understand.

[Valerie Tosi]

You do get it both ways.

[Pete Holmes]

What does that mean exactly? I'm just kidding.

[Valerie Tosi]

Not sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Look, if we were doing something with the butt and we wanted to tell you, we would. There isn't.

[Valerie Tosi]

And we don't. And we don't. We don't want to tell you.

[Pete Holmes]

There's been no Greater disappointment than being like, oh, that's a thing. And you're like, it feels like a. It feels like a tunnel and there's been an avalanche in front of it. There's all these rocks and anything on my butt. It's just like moving these big rocks and being like. And then you just put the rocks back and go, that tunnel is closed. That's not homophobic. I'm just saying it's actually the opposite. It's been my experience.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

With myself. Why are we talking?

[Valerie Tosi]

I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't have to. The tunnel thing is funny, though. This tunnel is closed. Don't try.

[Valerie Tosi]

But, like. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm sure you could move these rocks and this highway would be buzzing. It would be amazing. But I can't be bothered.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Anyway, what I wanted to say was, I'm driving home last night, I'm going on. We're recording two episodes this week, which is why. Which is why. Which is why we're doing that. Because I'm going on my Rupert spirit retreat, which I'm really, really excited about next week. And I got rupee on the brain. I always got rupee on the brain. I'm always listening to him. And it's my non dual teacher. I was just thinking about this, actually, because I was like, rupert, I says, don't call me a teacher. I'm your friend. And I was like, sure. But, like, if I say that he's the best, in my opinion, non dual teacher in the world, a lot of people love him.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

If I'm like, my friend Rupert Spira would be like, what? What do you mean he's your friend? You hang out.

[Valerie Tosi]

No, no.

[Pete Holmes]

What's his phone number? And he's like, but what's your relationship if you're not. Well, you know, he goes places and I sort of follow him there. So you're a follower? No, I wouldn't say I'm a follower. But you're following him around. Yeah, I do follow him around, but I'm not his follower. I just learn from him. He teaches me. Oh, he's your teacher? No, he's my friend. He's your friend who teaches you? Yeah, he teaches. That's our primary relationship, is that he teaches me, but we're friends. I feel like a phony.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, but any. That's the.

[Pete Holmes]

I love the sentiment of it.

[Valerie Tosi]

That is the paradox is the only kind of teacher you want is somebody who is like, I'm not your teacher. You have all of the things you do.

[Pete Holmes]

You're absolutely Right. And if I even smelled an ounce of it on him, that he's like, and I teach you and you learn and then I leave and you don't know, like, that would stink. I would be out.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But anyway, I was driving. I'm thinking about the nature of reality. And obviously all of these experiments and thought experiments and books and stuff are to try and, like, open up what. What is like the. The secret of the universe that it's all one thing. Like that is like the. The heart of all deeper spiritual practices is trying to become like, the Dalai Lama goes in the pizza place, make me one with everything. Right. So you want to recognize your nature as the whole thing. And then I was just like thinking, my question for him, this retreat, I think, is going to be, what do you make of the fact that this world we live in is so Chuck a buck filled with Chuck a buck. Do I say it wrong?

[Valerie Tosi]

You said Chuck a buck.

[Pete Holmes]

Chuck a buck.

[Valerie Tosi]

Chock a buck.

[Pete Holmes]

Chuck a buck. Pizza, Sausage. Chockabuck.

[Valerie Tosi]

Chuck a buck.

[Pete Holmes]

Chuck a buck.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Shock a buck. Yeah. Chalk.

[Valerie Tosi]

I think so. Yeah. I've never heard it in. In an American accent. So now I'm questioning everything we're asking the robot. How are you gonna ask this?

[Pete Holmes]

What is the express expression? Chuck a buck? Is it chock a buck? Chuck a buck full? Like when you say something, is chuck a buck full? Like, what. What is that chalk?

[Valerie Tosi]

It sounds like you're thinking of chock full, which means completely full.

[Pete Holmes]

The genius robot. I. I mean that. Don't kill me. Don't. Don't kill me, robot. Beautiful robot.

[Valerie Tosi]

I don't even know.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't even. Let's forget it now we're two people on our phones. It's a podcast.

[Valerie Tosi]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

You go, oh, yeah, yeah, I'll go. I go. The fact that this world is chock full of perfect metaphors for awareness, our true nature. I think it's interesting. We usually just use the metaphor, but, like, looking from awareness at the metaphor, like what? It's almost like. I'm curious if he's going to say. Yeah, that's like. It would make a world that has reflections of it meaning empty space is an incredible metaphor. Like, your awareness is like the space in this room. It allows everything. It is not colored or tarnished or tainted by anything that's like you. That's like the thing that's aware of your experience isn't tarnished or tainted. The ocean. We all look at the ocean and go, like, I don't know why, but this Is important.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I know it's a lot of water.

[Valerie Tosi]

And it's not just that it's a lot of water.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a lot of water.

[Valerie Tosi]

More important than that.

[Pete Holmes]

Animated itself. So the idea that there's one consciousness, but it manifests as different waves, and underneath there's currents and swirls. And so it's one thing. And I'm not saying we consciously think this, but you sense it. I think you intuit. Like this is, like the whole thing. It's one massive, fluid thing manipulating and temporarily constructing itself in these different shapes and these different manifestations that arise and go away. Your feelings are like the ocean. They arise and they go away, but they, you know, they emerge in the ocean and they recede into the ocean. And the ocean is the thing that remains. So it's a perfect metaphor. Also, dreams are an incredible spiritual tidbit. Yeah, it's like a. It's like at the end of the show, God will be like, I gave you dreams. Like, didn't you see at night, your mind created reality? That's. That's it. Mind creates the world. This one is just a more consistent one of those, or whatever you want. And we don't have time now, but we can unpack that. I don't want anyone to think that this world is meaningless. It's just like it's made of God, or it's made of. Mine is made of love. Whatever you want to say, and it is valid and it is relatively real. I always get worried that people are going to take that the wrong way. But anyway, there are all these perfect metaphors. So I want to ask him about that. I was thinking about driving home last night. I was like, in our. Our experience right now. So all of that is, like, theory and will lead you to it. But, like, you can also just look at the world. Like, I think I'm this body. And then there's emptiness. And then there's some stuff like there might be trees or a room or my car, but it's like, where's the boundary? Literally, just a visual experiment. It is one. It is one. If it was a painting, you would see that it was one painting. But we're in. We're so convinced that I end here at my fingers. I'm outlining my fingers, but as soon as they quote unquote, end, boom, there's air. I understand it's transparent, but we can even look at it and be like, molecularly, it's there, right? It's air. It looks empty, but it's not. Nothing is empty. And the whole thing is a jello mold. And I was really tripping out on that.

[Valerie Tosi]

Jello mold's nice.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm driving and I'm just like, there literally is no separation. And when I move my hand and I blow that breeze at you, you see just how literally interconnected we are. And this is one of those things I classify under, like, it's either you're in the right way and your heart or whatever you want to say is open to that and it's very interesting. Or it's the least interesting in the world because maybe you're a little stressed, a little whatever, and you tuned in for laughs. But, like, even if you are stressed, it's nice to take a breath and just go like, your. Your lungs were actually already had empty air in them. And like, and you push in new and then the CO2 comes out. It's all fucking. It's already. It doesn't need to be unified. It is unified.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, it feels very like thick and close.

[Katie]

Thick.

[Pete Holmes]

It's so close. It's laying on top of you, right? And it's really funny. And I understand there's social loneliness, but it's really funny to be like, I'm alone. And you're like, the fucking universe can't be alone. It's like a wet blanket over a sleeping body. It's like you're coded in this and that. Yeah, this is. This is. That's your closing eyes. That's the experience of going, like, I've had it in more far out ways. Where when you. When your eyes are closed and you're like, oh, this is my voice. And it emerges in the ocean of awareness. Like the sound of my voice emerges in it. And then, Val, you go high and then I hear that. But it emerges in the same field of awareness. Yeah, it's mind that goes, this one's my voice and that one's Val's voice. But naked awareness is just like. It's just all the same ocean bubbles.

[Valerie Tosi]

In the jello mold.

[Pete Holmes]

It's bubbles in the same mold.

[Valerie Tosi]

I love Jello mold. I think that really helps.

[Pete Holmes]

Jello mold.

[Valerie Tosi]

Jello mold.

[Pete Holmes]

You want a jello mold when people hit the wrong word?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. Jello mold.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. It doesn't need to be unified. You just need to recognize that it already is unified. And your mind, as a way of navigating reality in a very useful way in a verifiable way. Like, you can. You can experience. It makes the separation and that. And that's how we Play the game.

[Valerie Tosi]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, when you play Monopoly, you don't pick up the board. You pick up your little thimble.

[Valerie Tosi]

I. I really. Yeah, I love that. And I have been just chuck a buck. Oh, I looked it up. Chock a block.

[Pete Holmes]

Chuck a block.

[Valerie Tosi]

Chalk a block.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you mad?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, I'm a little mad because you keep saying Chuck. So, yeah, I am mad.

[Pete Holmes]

Shock. Like chalk.

[Valerie Tosi]

Like C, H, O, C, A, B, L, O, C. Chock a block. Chock a block.

[Pete Holmes]

Because Rupert's British, and if I try to get cute with it and go, this universe is chock a block. It'd be like, well, to begin with your language, it would be chocolate block.

[Valerie Tosi]

The last thing you want to say to him is, this universe is chuck a buck. Then you will be kicked out of the retreat.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I'm summarily removed.

[Valerie Tosi]

No longer. Call me your friend.

[Pete Holmes]

Please call me that guy on YouTube.

[Valerie Tosi]

Chocolate.

[Pete Holmes]

Choc a block.

[Valerie Tosi]

I have been chocka block. Chock a block. Choc a block. Let's face it, we're getting most of this from love, actually, where he says, and this bag is chock a block full of condoms.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah. Okay. So what was I gonna say? Oh, just. This isn't gonna surprise anyone here. I really loved that, by the way. That was really. That was really nice. And I've just been, like, burying, like, sheets, like, how you do with, like, your pillows or something. Like, just, like, burying my head into the game of this reality in a way that just feels really nice. And then every once in a while, I kind of, like, pop my head up, and I'm like, this fun, and I, like, bury back in.

[Pete Holmes]

That's exactly it. And it already knows it just wants to keep swimming. Yeah, I wrote that on my mirror.

[Valerie Tosi]

And even just the littlest thing will sort of, like, trigger that. And to. I do feel like it's worth saying I can only really do this when I'm very regulated and already sort of in a good place, because sometimes I can just get so bogged down with, like, the meaningless and the mundane ways that we can spend our days. And then I'm like, what is this? This is a hamster wheel. What are you doing to us? You know? But I've been feeling the opposite of that. Where, like, yesterday I had such a practical day. I was making doctor's appointments. I was setting our, like, I was writing our family calendar that we have hanging up, like, both juiced, like. Yeah, I was just, like, doing all of the, like, adulting things, and it was feeling so good. And I had to.

[Pete Holmes]

By the way, would you like to come in for some adulting? Oh, yes. Yeah. And she's like, all right. We need to renew our car registration. It's like, what the.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, exactly. But then, like, today. And I was having this thought this morning, because today I have. I have to, like, refund some tickets and get new tickets for another day for something else. And. And then there I have to get tickets for this other thing. And so I, like, made the note in my mind. I was like, just remember the word tickets. You have to handle the tickets tonight, this morning. And I thought of my wife, Camille handles the tickets. Which is not a. Cosby said that. No, it's Eddie Murphy's impression of Cosby.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Valerie Tosi]

Anyway, scandal noted. Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

And all. And then I had like a pop out moment where I was like, what is this? This is such a cute little reality where we're like, if you want to go in there, got to have a little ticket.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Valerie Tosi]

Get your little ticket for that.

[Pete Holmes]

We need to find a way to make food and shelter out of this. Yeah, well, we do it in this space. What if we don't let anyone in the space unless they have something where they give us food and shelter for it?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, let's call it a ticket. I'm doing duolingo with Lila, so. Yeah, I have a black suitcase.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, don't worry about it. All right, cool.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I'm sorry. Did I ruin everything?

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah, no, I'm just kidding.

[Pete Holmes]

You're very good, by the way. You're just tailor made for old homesy. And I love you so much because. Not because of this, but I love that you can accommodate my, like, adulting sounds like sex. And then you're like, yes. And tickets. What a cute reality.

[Valerie Tosi]

It's so great that I can hold onto my thread.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. I can just tug on your. The hem of your dress and go like, popsicles. Why aren't there healthy popsicles? Like, smoothie popsicles?

[Valerie Tosi]

I mean, that is the feeling of being a parent. You were primed, really having that. This morning when I was trying to tell you, I had, like three things I wanted to tell you. And Leela kept being like, mom, where are my tool toys?

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, okay, she loves the band Tool.

[Valerie Tosi]

She love. Yeah, she has all their merch, which a lot of them are toys.

[Pete Holmes]

You wouldn't think it, but they're six year old appropriate toys for the band. Tool.

[Valerie Tosi]

Tool Toys.

[Pete Holmes]

Tool Toys. Tool Time. Tim Taylor.

[Valerie Tosi]

Did you watch that in real Time.

[Pete Holmes]

Real Tool Time.

[Valerie Tosi]

Real Tool Time.

[Pete Holmes]

Did I watch Home Improvement? I did, but I didn't make it all the way.

[Valerie Tosi]

No one did. I think it went for, like, 14 years.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

I don't know if that's true, but.

[Pete Holmes]

It started to get a little nuts.

[Valerie Tosi]

I. I really like. I think now I probably would have it. I would like newest episodes the most. But when I was a kid, I remember being like, they're. The kids are so young and, like, the hair isn't right. I really liked the middle seasons of Home Improvement, and I had a huge crush, as everyone did on Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I thought you're gonna say Tim Allen.

[Valerie Tosi]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh. No offense, Tim.

[Valerie Tosi]

I don't think he's listening. But I was. Jtt. Of course he was a dad.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I had a crush on the.

[Valerie Tosi]

Mom, which is why you had a crush on.

[Pete Holmes]

I would say I had a crush, but I remember being like, all right.

[Valerie Tosi]

I still feel very. I mean, she's a wonderful actress, and no shade on her. I feel, like, offended by the messaging of, like, moms that. That they. Society gave us through that character.

[Pete Holmes]

I understand, and I actually feel really vulnerable telling you that, because it makes me feel Oedipal and weird because she was just such a mom.

[Valerie Tosi]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But I also remember trying. She was one of my early attempts at extricating a mom into a woman. And I was like. I think as a person, not all her mommy stuff, but I was like. I think because they were, like, sexually active on that show, and I was like, so he's attracted to her. Like, I did. Like, yeah. So his. Their mom is his love interest, and this was groundbreaking. Yeah.

[Valerie Tosi]

Well, if you can do it for that mom, you can do it for anyone.

[Pete Holmes]

I still think she's. No, no, we don't. I don't. I'm not saying. You're saying. We're gonna leave that there.

[Valerie Tosi]

We'll just go ahead. Put that right down.

[Pete Holmes]

You heard that?

[Valerie Tosi]

So you heard that, Valley Heat.

[Pete Holmes]

Thanks for being here. We love French fries.

[Valerie Tosi]

We love you.

[Pete Holmes]

Get out of here.

[Valerie Tosi]

Olive juice.

[Pete Holmes]

Olive juice. Elephant shoes.

[Valerie Tosi]

Elephant shoes. All right. Yeah. Thank you for listening, as always. And go ahead and keep it crispy.