Podcast Summary: "We Made It Weird #210" with Pete Holmes and Valerie Tosi
Release Date: March 14, 2025
Introduction
In episode #210 of "We Made It Weird," host Pete Holmes engages in a heartfelt and insightful conversation with Valerie Tosi. The duo delves deep into the complexities of friendships, particularly focusing on male friendships, the impact of social media on real-life relationships, and the challenges of vulnerability in modern society. This episode offers a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and profound reflections, making it both entertaining and thought-provoking for listeners.
The Nature of Male Friendships and Vulnerability
Pete and Valerie kick off the discussion by addressing the evolving landscape of male friendships. Pete expresses his concern over the increasing difficulty men face in forming deep, meaningful connections:
Pete Holmes [28:05]: "I don’t want to be gender normative here or whatever, but I’m just saying, like, it does seem like there’s an epidemic of men who don’t have friends."
Valerie adds to this by highlighting the societal pressures that prevent men from showing vulnerability:
Valerie Tosi [28:05]: "It’s a very LA sort of friendship. Or like kind of a showbiz sort of friendship for it to be sort of like, all right, I gotta be like, on my A game if I’m gonna hang out with this person."
The conversation underscores the importance of creating safe spaces where men can express their true selves without the fear of judgment or competition.
The Impact of Social Media on Relationships
Transitioning to the influence of social media, Pete and Valerie discuss how platforms like Instagram and Twitter shape our interactions and perceptions of friendships:
Pete Holmes [32:06]: "Like, what are you going to post? You sit down to talk with somebody. It’s like, here’s your tweet, and what."
Valerie elaborates on the superficial nature of online interactions:
Valerie Tosi [32:25]: "I don’t think that’s the safest place to necessarily do that kind of thing. But at the same time, it’s like, we probably should be showing more vulnerability."
They critique the "best self" persona that people project online, which often lacks authenticity and can hinder genuine connections in real life.
Personal Stories and Anecdotes
To illustrate their points, Pete shares a humorous yet relatable story about interacting with fellow comedian Nick Kroll:
Pete Holmes [15:10]: "And then immediately. And this is my favorite part of the story, I figured out what she meant. And then I scooped her, like she was about to tell me. And I went, oh, you mean like Anne Marie? And she’s like, well, yeah, yeah, I’m Lindsay Alley or whatever."
Valerie responds with witty remarks, adding depth to the narrative:
Valerie Tosi [24:29]: "That’s a terrible double name."
These anecdotes serve to humanize the discussion, making the themes more accessible and engaging for listeners.
Reflections on Authenticity and Self-Expression
A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to the exploration of authenticity in self-expression. Pete reflects on moments when he feels the need to present a curated version of himself:
Pete Holmes [29:23]: "Because I came up with Nick and all those people, Jesse Klein. I want to think I’m cool."
Valerie echoes these sentiments, emphasizing the struggle to maintain genuine relationships in a world driven by appearances:
Valerie Tosi [29:23]: "I think in general, it’s safe to assume that it’s this generation of men, like, are learning to be vulnerable with each other."
Their conversation highlights the tension between societal expectations and the innate human desire for authentic connections.
The Role of Therapy and Mental Health
Addressing mental health, Pete and Valerie discuss the benefits of therapy and the importance of making it accessible:
Pete Holmes [30:07]: "And I think that can make them feel very isolated. And by the way, I’m assuming what my experience is, is valid for other people. I don’t know if that’s true."
Valerie introduces strategies for being a supportive friend, stressing the importance of simply existing with someone in their vulnerable moments:
Valerie Tosi [41:02]: "Like, God, I’m sorry. That sucks. Like, I love you, you know, and that’s like, great, because I’ll go straight into, like, I need you to be."
This segment underscores the necessity of empathy and understanding in fostering strong, supportive relationships.
Navigating Modern Friendships
The hosts delve into the intricacies of maintaining friendships amidst the demands of modern life. Pete shares his experiences of balancing personal growth with sustaining connections:
Pete Holmes [36:18]: "But the other thing that I would add to that is talking about feeling like I had to be a certain version of myself on Doug Loves Movies."
Valerie adds her perspective on the importance of regular, consistent interactions to build and maintain intimacy:
Valerie Tosi [36:49]: "Our inner circle here is it. They’re like, they’re showing us every mood. We’re seeing each other so frequently. That’s the key."
Together, they emphasize the value of frequent and genuine interactions in strengthening friendships.
Conclusion
In this episode of "We Made It Weird," Pete Holmes and Valerie Tosi offer a candid exploration of the challenges and rewards of modern friendships. Through a blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and thoughtful reflections, they address the impact of societal expectations and social media on authentic connections. The discussion serves as a reminder of the importance of vulnerability, empathy, and consistent effort in fostering meaningful relationships.
As the episode wraps up, listeners are left with a deeper understanding of the dynamics that shape our friendships and the steps we can take to cultivate more genuine and supportive connections in our lives.
Notable Quotes
- Pete Holmes [28:05]: "I don’t want to be gender normative here or whatever, but I’m just saying, like, it does seem like there’s an epidemic of men who don’t have friends."
- Valerie Tosi [28:05]: "It’s a very LA sort of friendship. Or like kind of a showbiz sort of friendship for it to be sort of like, all right, I gotta be like, on my A game if I’m gonna hang out with this person."
- Pete Holmes [32:06]: "Like, what are you going to post? You sit down to talk with somebody. It’s like, here’s your tweet, and what."
- Valerie Tosi [32:25]: "I don’t think that’s the safest place to necessarily do that kind of thing. But at the same time, it’s like, we probably should be showing more vulnerability."
- Pete Holmes [29:23]: "Because I came up with Nick and all those people, Jesse Klein. I want to think I’m cool."
- Valerie Tosi [41:02]: "Like, God, I’m sorry. That sucks. Like, I love you, you know, and that’s like, great, because I’ll go straight into, like, I need you to be."
This comprehensive summary encapsulates the essence of episode #210, providing listeners with a clear and engaging overview of the discussions and insights shared by Pete Holmes and Valerie Tosi.