We Made It Weird #213

Summary

Podcast Summary: "We Made It Weird #213" with Pete Holmes

Introduction

In episode #213 of "We Made It Weird with Pete Holmes," released on April 11, 2025, host Pete Holmes and his co-host Valerie dive deep into their recent vacation experiences, sharing candid reflections, humorous anecdotes, and insightful discussions about personal growth and interpersonal dynamics. Skipping the usual advertisements and introductory banter, the episode focuses on the complexities and unexpected moments of their trip, intertwining themes of personality types, resilience, and relationship dynamics.

---

Meeting a Fan at the Airport

The episode opens with Pete reminiscing about an encounter with a dedicated fan, Laura, at the airport. Valerie shares the charming interaction where Laura recognized them despite their absence due to vacation.

• Valerie [00:30]: "It's really funny. Yeah, it's mostly in the second half. I mean, I think you're gonna wanna hear it. It's really funny."

• Pete [00:56]: "But she was right. We weren't. We didn't do an episode. Cause we were. And we're back. And we're happy to be back."

This meeting sets a positive tone, highlighting the unexpected yet delightful moments that can occur even amidst travel chaos.

---

White Lotus Spoiler Alert

Before delving into their vacation stories, Pete and Valerie briefly touch upon a mild spoiler related to the popular series "White Lotus." They discuss how the podcast subtly references the show without giving away major plot points.

• Pete [01:02]: "And I think there is a mild. Mild. Very mild. Vague. White Lotus spoiler in this episode."

This acknowledgment serves to connect with listeners familiar with the series while maintaining the integrity of the spoiler-free experience.

---

Enneagram and Personality Types

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around the Enneagram, a personality typing system. Valerie expresses her deep engagement with the Enneagram, identifying herself as a Type Nine (the Peacemaker), while Pete identifies as a Type Three (the Achiever) with influences of Type Four (the Individualist).

• Valerie [09:50]: "I am thinking about it constantly. I'm. I feel like I'm the one that's always bringing it up and. You are."

• Pete [10:32]: "If you guys don't know what the Enneagram is, that's. It's. You've picked a random episode to jump in here. But it's a person. It's nine personality types..."

Their discussion highlights how understanding personality types can influence group dynamics, especially when facing challenges during a trip.

---

Vacation Mishaps in Mexico

The core of the episode delves into the duo's vacation in Mexico, marked by a series of unexpected and often humorous mishaps. From navigational errors to environmental challenges, Pete and Valerie recount their experiences with a mix of frustration and laughter.

1. Ocean Adventures and Lost Sunglasses

   • Pete [32:37]: "I go full moana in those moments. What do I mean? What do I mean by that?"

   • Valerie [34:07]: "I remember this."

   While attempting to enjoy the ocean, Valerie accidentally lost her sunglasses in the tumultuous waters. Pete's "full moana" response underscores his whimsical approach to adversity, turning a stressful moment into a lighthearted memory.

2. Handling Strong Winds and Seaweed

   The relentless wind and abundant seaweed posed significant challenges, making simple beach activities arduous.

   • Pete [50:08]: "We heard a lot about wind. It's dark and it's windy, but I'm like, that's fine."

   Despite the difficulties, they navigated through slippery steps and sharp coral, illustrating their resilience and ability to find humor in frustrating situations.

3. Injuries and Unexpected Incidents

   Valerie describes how a fun moment turned chaotic when Leela, their daughter, ended up with swollen hands after interacting with an anthill.

   • Valerie [57:30]: "She puts her hand in an ant hill."

   Pete empathizes with the ordeal, relating it to personal experiences and emphasizing the unpredictable nature of travel with family.

---

Coping Strategies: "Pull the Goalie"

A pivotal moment in the episode is the introduction of the "pull the goalie" strategy, inspired by a discussion on resilience and handling group dynamics during crises.

• Pete [66:38]: "My strategy in this situation where a lot of things are going goofy is pull the goalie, meaning it's more vulnerable. Like, it could go bad. Like, it could make things worse, it could hurt people's feelings..."

• Valerie [68:13]: "But what I was going to say is, what I learned from you is actually the. The best way we could have turned it around was calling it early on, hold the goalie and being like, the. These things are shitty."

This metaphor serves as a framework for addressing and acknowledging problems head-on rather than suppressing them, fostering a healthier group dynamic and enhancing collective problem-solving.

---

Lessons Learned and Reflections

Throughout the episode, Pete and Valerie reflect on the importance of communication, honesty, and adaptability when faced with unexpected challenges. They discuss how naming and addressing issues as they arise can prevent resentment and foster a more positive environment.

• Pete [68:05]: "I remember the good parts now. Now I think of that trip as, like, Yeah. I remember there are things I didn't like, but I also remember that it was a good trip. I'm glad I went."

• Valerie [69:59]: "And the. The thing that is required that I think is really hard for a lot of people and was hard for me, is that in order to pull the defense, you have to pull the goalie. You first have to go, we're losing. And we're actually likely to lose this game. Yeah. And that is the hardest thing to admit."

Their candid admissions underscore the complexities of maintaining harmony within a group while also addressing individual frustrations and challenges.

---

Conclusion

Episode #213 of "We Made It Weird with Pete Holmes" offers listeners an engaging blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and thoughtful discussions about navigating the unpredictable nature of travel and relationships. Through their shared experiences in Mexico, Pete and Valerie exemplify the delicate balance between maintaining positivity and addressing underlying issues, providing valuable insights into personal growth and effective communication.

---

Notable Quotes

• Valerie [09:50]: "I am thinking about it constantly. I'm. I feel like I'm the one that's always bringing it up and. You are."

• Pete [66:38]: "My strategy in this situation where a lot of things are going goofy is pull the goalie, meaning it's more vulnerable. Like, it could go bad."

• Pete [68:05]: "I remember the good parts now. Now I think of that trip as, like, Yeah. I remember that it was a good trip. I'm glad I went."

These quotes encapsulate the essence of the episode, highlighting themes of self-awareness, strategic problem-solving, and reflective gratitude.

---

Final Thoughts

"We Made It Weird #213" masterfully intertwines humor with heartfelt reflections, offering listeners not just entertainment but also meaningful lessons on handling life's unpredictabilities. Pete Holmes and Valerie's genuine rapport and openness make this episode a relatable and enriching listen for anyone navigating the complexities of travel, relationships, and personal growth.

Transcript

[Pete Holmes]

You made it with. You made it with. You made it with. Oh, yeah. You made it with. Yes, you made it weird. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[Valerie]

What's happening, weirdos?

[Pete Holmes]

What's going on? Sorry we weren't there last week.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because we were on vacation.

[Valerie]

That's right. Which we talk about.

[Pete Holmes]

About in this episode. And it's really funny. Yeah, it's mostly in the second half. I mean, I think. I think you're gonna wanna hear it. It's really funny.

[Valerie]

I think it's funny.

[Pete Holmes]

And we met that weirdo at the airport, Laura, who was such a sweet fan. Weirdo that was like, where were you? And she was like, ah, you were on vacation. Cause she was also in Mexico.

[Valerie]

It was very cute. Because wasn't she listening to us when she saw you? Or she had just been. And it was. It was like kismet because we weren't even near our gate.

[Pete Holmes]

I know.

[Valerie]

And we just found a charging station and it happened to be where Laura was.

[Pete Holmes]

But she was right. We weren't. We didn't do an episode. Cause we were. And we're back. And we're happy to be back.

[Valerie]

And I think there is a mild. Mild. Very mild. Vague. White Lotus spoiler in this episode. And I just want to say.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, I agree. In the first half there is a spoiler. I riff very briefly on one technical thing without implying the ramifications of that. I'm going to give you a parallel because you're right to point it out. This is the kind of spoiler it would be. Let's say you're watching a movie where a guy crashes his. Well, I. It's not even. Okay, no, I can. He crashes his car because the windshield wiper fluid is. Is oil.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. And. And then the riff that I would do on that movie is, oh. Cause it's so believable that if you can't find windshield wiper fluid, you'd use any can of fluid in the garage.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And you'd pour oil in it.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But I don't say that it makes a guy crash his car. I just say, how stupid is it that you would use oil to fill your windshield wiper fluid? That's exactly the style of spoiler. So I just say I make this. This podcast acknowledges the existence of stupid technical things like that that wouldn't happen in real life. But I don't go into what happens because of them.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

White.

[Valerie]

That is fair.

[Pete Holmes]

White Lotus, which is great.

[Valerie]

But there is one Isn't incredible that like almost it's just safe to assume almost everybody is watching it.

[Pete Holmes]

Or isn't it fun to be like this podcast is sold this. This podcast is like an impulse buy in the checkout of the store where you buy White Lotus.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean. I can't flatter ourselves and say we're sold in the same store, but we are, technically. But we're next to the Garfield Key Lights. Nice laugh.

[Valerie]

Yeah, very cute. Oh, okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I. I am on tour. I think we just. We're about to add New New York. We're rescheduling New Jersey. Austin is on for April 19th. Then I'm going to be in St. Louis. We also have to reschedule. Sorry about that. Toronto is on Nashville, Irvine, San Jose, Houston, Royal Oak, Michigan, Washington, D.C. and Boston, Mass. We're adding a second show for Boston, which is fantastic. Thank you so much to everybody. And. What am I barfing? We should. We're also adding New York should be announced very, very soon. Town hall.

[Valerie]

I want to go.

[Pete Holmes]

No, Puerto. That means I can't, but you can. Well, we're so glad you're here. We're gonna do the ads up top because it's only an hour episode. So here's two minutes of ads for things we actually really like, and then we'll jump in and then there's only one ad in the middle. So I mean, add minimal over here, Valerie. Oh, wait, here's the beautiful bean. Yeah, Valerie, roll that beautiful bean footage. Pardon the interruption, weirdos. I am obsessed with dad Grass Leisure drinks. I had one last night. My friend was barbecuing burgers Beyond Burgers, but it was still a barbecue, and I wanted to hold a drink in my hand that makes me laugh and silly and have fun. And that's. Dad Grass weed is so strong these days. It's always flooding your system. I can't focus on a movie, I can't hold a conversation, and I always end up eating an entire pizza. Dad Grass Leisure drinks are amazing. I'm not just saying that. They taste heavenly and they have the perfect microdose of hemp THC that gets into you quickly because it's a liquid and leaves your body quickly because it's a liquid. That's just how it works. You go in, you feel fantastic. You laugh more, you enjoy more, you feel nice. Of course, it's stackable if you want to go further. I find one dad Grass Leisure Drink to be perfect. It tastes amazing. It's like a yuzu flavor, and it gives me. I'm California Sober. I don't drink alcohol. Gives me a can of something I can hold that takes the edge off, that helps me settle into a social situation and have fun. We're talking 3 milligrams of THC, 6 milligrams of CBD and 2,200 milligrams of Lion's Mane per can. It's mild dose. It's fast acting, hits you in 10 minutes. Leisure drinks are amazing and they ship everywhere. If you are 21, you can get it. Go get leisure drinks or all of dad Grass's products including joints and gummies by going to dadgrass.com weird use promo code weird for 20% off for the perfect amazing tasting can THC experience that I am obsessed with. That's dad grass.com/weird use promo code. We're for 20% off. We're also brought to us. I'm wearing the hat which feels like wearing the T shirt of the band to the concert. But I wear this hat all the time because I love Element. Element is an electrolyte supplement that you add to water that gets you drinking more water that gets you hydrated better, more complete, more quickly. And it tastes amazing. So of course I'm obsessed with it. Growing up, an electrolyte drink after a workout meant flat soda. Basically tons and tons of sugar. Elem is no BS LMNT element. No BS 5 calories doesn't interrupt a fast. In fact, it's wonderful if you're fasting makes you feel satiated and wonderful and is the feeling of sodium, potassium and magnesium in the perfect ratio to flood every cell of your body with optimum hydration. It's wonderful for fatigue, it's wonderful for mental clarity. It's wonderful after a workout, but it's also just a great way to jumpstart your day. It's replaced my morning cup of coffee. I start my day with Element. It's a huge part of my wellness program that I genuinely look forward to. I love their watermelon salt flavor. You also see us drinking it here on set. The 16 ounce cans that they make. Try this. Get it in your body and feel the feeling of optimum hydration. What it does to your mind, your body, your mood, everything. It's fantastic. And it's no BS stuff. Go to drinklmnt.com weird and use promo code weird to get a free Element sample pack with any order. Include when no matter what you order. Sorry, I should have said including the new sparkling 16 ounce cans of electrolyte sparkling water. And if Element doesn't exceed your expectations. They have a no questions asked refund policy. And this sample pack is like a 14 value, so it's awesome. And you get to try all the flavors. So support your body, support the show. Go to drinklmnt.com weird get your free sample pack with any purchase. That's drinklmnt.com weird. All right, everybody. We're so glad you're here.

[Valerie]

Valerie, get into it.

[Pete Holmes]

Welcome to We Made It Weird, the podcast where you can easily track and trend our ups and downs based on seasons and predictable factors. But listen, each week as we are aghast and confused by our cyclical and predictable feelings, this week, Pete is feeling up. He's been enjoying green juice. He's been sleeping and exercising. He.

[Valerie]

We know this.

[Pete Holmes]

We know this.

[Valerie]

We've met him.

[Pete Holmes]

We've met him. He's excited. He wants to tell you about the calming properties of the pepperroot kava.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

He can't wait to tell you about how you can replace both breakfast and lunch with green juice without craving. He can't wait to tell you about how switching up a stroke in your swimming routine can help reduce neck strain. Tune in in two months when this very same human, encased in the exact same flesh, looking out the exact same eyes will tell you, I don't know. There's just nothing I want to do. I'm smoking weed way more than I want to be, and I just can't get in touch with what I want.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God. I know.

[Pete Holmes]

But this is the show.

[Valerie]

This is the show, and you've made it this far, so you might as well just stick around.

[Pete Holmes]

I know we say that a lot, but I am convinced. I'm actually kind of surprised that I'm not a huge astrology person, because. Well, yeah, that's. I can tell you right away why I'm not is because it's made fun of enough. Like, if astrology was something like, so, like in India, like, if that we embraced, if everybody was into it, I would love it. I'd be all about it.

[Valerie]

That's interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

Still a little crystal pet psychic. Kind of for me.

[Valerie]

I don't know about that. I feel like it's more likely that so many people are.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, and then I wouldn't.

[Valerie]

You're like, no.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I kind of miss it either way.

[Valerie]

You also.

[Pete Holmes]

On either extreme.

[Valerie]

I just realized recently, like, I feel like you're not as into the enneagram as I am. Like, you. You believe in it, you're for it. You, like, had a season with it.

[Pete Holmes]

Can I talk to you first? No. I love the Enneagram.

[Valerie]

I am thinking about it constantly. I'm. I feel like I'm the one that's always bringing it up and. You are.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

But it's also.

[Pete Holmes]

I think we're just really bad at typing people.

[Valerie]

No, I think you are. I'm incredibly good at it. That's what I was about to say.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, really?

[Valerie]

Was that?

[Pete Holmes]

I. Yeah, I am bad at it.

[Valerie]

I, I, I think in nines is what I am. We see every. All.

[Pete Holmes]

If you guys don't know what the Enneagram is, that's. It's. You've picked a random episode to jump in here. But it's a person. It's nine personality types, and it's actually kind of mysterious in its origin. And it used to only be taught, like, secret society style. It used to only be taught to, like, clergy, so they could understand and counsel their congregants.

[Valerie]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

And now the cat's out of the bag, and everybody knows the Enneagram. So Val is a nine, which is the peacemaker, and I am a three, which is the achiever, with a very healthy dash of the four, which is the individual.

[Valerie]

Yeah, you're. You're pretty much equal parts, I would say, three.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's what we think. That's not what the test says. For brevity's sake. That's brevity sake.

[Valerie]

Yeah, that was.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, I hated that. I said, for brevity's sake.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Put me in a Vitamix with two dicks. Me and two dicks. And blend it up. And then somehow make me drink it. Because I said for brevity's sake. I hated that.

[Valerie]

Okay, I'm going to switch gears right now, and you're going to love what I'm going to switch.

[Pete Holmes]

I can't wait.

[Valerie]

I. First of all, I love that you're repulsed by that and that, because I realized I can't handle that kind of thing. And I realized that while I was watching a real pain. Because I can't handle people who are really, truly, unironically saying proverb. The proverbial. Don't. Don't say that word near me.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm gonna say something.

[Valerie]

Don't say that word near me.

[Pete Holmes]

Very strong when you are. Jesse Eisenberg. One of my favorites. But he's been famous since. I mean, he's been in movies since he was, like, 20.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, starring, like, big time. Like, so I think maybe a bubble formed around him, and nobody's been, like, hey, my man.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We don't say proverbial.

[Valerie]

We don't have to talk like we're in college anymore.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Valerie]

Like, isn't that great?

[Pete Holmes]

Right?

[Valerie]

We don't.

[Pete Holmes]

And nobody tells you that. By the way, Jesse, if you hear this. So much love.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just saying there. There's bubbles that go around all of us. My. I'll tell you mine, but that's not what we're talking about right now. I just know I have some.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

When people are talking to you, they're so thrilled to be meeting you and that you're talking. So. Jesse Eisenberg, that nobody wants to gently touch your elbow and just go. Like, we don't do that anymore. Like, I remember when we did do that.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

When it was fun to be, like, the proverbial dragon of my master's degree. Oh, it's a proverb. It's a proverb. Oh, it's not a real dragon.

[Valerie]

Not a literal dragon.

[Pete Holmes]

And for brevity's sake and the parlance.

[Valerie]

Of our times, and moreover, or insofar as these are, like, I was an English major.

[Pete Holmes]

Out of my dick. I can't.

[Valerie]

I was an English major, and it was just filled with these guys, and they were. There were some girls like it, but it was mostly boys. And I just.

[Pete Holmes]

There. There were the girls. I mean, autism is rare in girls. I just think. I just think it's exactly that. And I'm saying this as someone who's still shedding off some of that. Boy. I want to sound smart. Like, we met our friend Sam's dad, and his dad is a Jungian therapist. I realized that one of the things that really lights me up is trying to get smart people to think I'm also smart. Like, that's one of my favorite games to play.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And remember when he just seemed to totally know that and he just gave you exactly what you wanted?

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

And instead of him, like, talking and telling him, actually the thing that he's been studying for 50 years, he let.

[Pete Holmes]

Me tell him what I knew about Carl Jung.

[Valerie]

And he just went, that's so wonderful. What a lovely.

[Pete Holmes]

I honestly will never forget him, Ken.

[Valerie]

I know, Ken.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll never forget you, Ken.

[Valerie]

I love Ken.

[Pete Holmes]

But. Okay, this is slightly defensive. While I was doing that, telling a young therapist what I know about Carl Jung, I made a joke right away. I'm sorry that you're the expert here. I am telling you what I know.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

And that was the window wherein if he was in the mood for nude he could have said, like, you're right. Well, let me tell you a little bit about what excites me, but what sincerely gauging everything about his face, everything about his body language was. He's okay. He's even enjoying how lit up I am to just tell him that people aren't transformed by ideas, they're transformed by symbols.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then he did go. It's like Richard Rohr. It's like Father Greg. It's all of these, like, essentially saintly people that I know.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That, like, Mirabeau stars like you.

[Valerie]

She knows what you want. And she'll.

[Pete Holmes]

You do it, too. You do it all the time. What did you. You did it yesterday where I just said, like, you just gave me what I want. Like, what. Not even what I want, what I need.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It saves so much time when I'm just sniffing around, like, you just give him what he wants. That I wasn't a jackass. And you just go, like, everybody liked you at that party. You made it a lot more fun. And you just go, oh, now we can watch White Lotus because if there's one thing I know, you don't clean out blenders that your dad said was filled with sour milk. You don't clean it out.

[Valerie]

Can't even just dip our toe in this.

[Pete Holmes]

We're going to clean it out.

[Valerie]

We need to.

[Pete Holmes]

Why would you.

[Valerie]

We need to save a whole portion for it.

[Pete Holmes]

I want a smoothie so badly. I'm going to use what my father knocked out of my brother's hand. Look, a show that is like a diamond. If there's one little. It's not even a scuff. It's just a thumbprint of the jeweler. It's that. I couldn't believe that there was that little mistake.

[Valerie]

I. You were most upset about that mistake, by the way. White Lotus spoilers in this episode. We'll say it in the intro.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, we'll say it in the intro. But that's. That's mild. I didn't say what happened. I didn't say.

[Valerie]

But I said, someone made a smoothie in a blender. Comes out, they're going to know.

[Pete Holmes]

All right.

[Valerie]

I mean, I don't know. Are we gonna give. We. Are we gonna talk about that episode or not? Because I can't only half talk about that episode.

[Pete Holmes]

No more half measures. What is this, Breaking Bad? I realized Bryan Cranston was in my dream last night.

[Valerie]

He was in something we just watched. Unless he was in my dream also.

[Pete Holmes]

He was in your dream. He was watching the Studio.

[Valerie]

That's what it was.

[Pete Holmes]

The studio.

[Valerie]

I barely remembered that we watched the studio.

[Pete Holmes]

You were.

[Valerie]

The last thing I remember saying was, are they gonna have drums and oners the whole time? And then I fell asleep.

[Pete Holmes]

Which, by the way, is a great way to fall asleep. If you're having a trouble. If you're having a trouble sleeping, just ask yourself, I wonder if they're gonna do oners and drums. Cause that is such a boring thing to think about. That'll help you fall asleep. I wonder if they're gonna do this Birdman thing the whole time.

[Valerie]

Cause they did it. And then the title card came up and I thought, well, nice time to reset.

[Pete Holmes]

To reset. Now you're gonna be a regular show.

[Valerie]

Yeah, now you're gonna be regular.

[Pete Holmes]

Now you gonna be regular.

[Valerie]

That was a cool, fancy intro. Maybe you do that, the intro for every episode, but then become a real show.

[Pete Holmes]

By the way, someone.

[Valerie]

I do like the studio.

[Pete Holmes]

I actually. I can't wait to watch it again.

[Valerie]

And I know all these, by the.

[Pete Holmes]

Way, I love Jesse Eisenberg. There's no shots fired here.

[Valerie]

No shots fired.

[Pete Holmes]

If we can't be real, why tune in?

[Valerie]

Why are we.

[Pete Holmes]

Why even tune in?

[Valerie]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, let's listen to two more people that I know that suppress their opinions and their feelings.

[Valerie]

This isn't let's fake it weird.

[Pete Holmes]

You're a gem. It's also not let's make it weird. You've done. You've brought us a small cake. All of us. You know when a cake is like the size of a pack of skull?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like a hockey puck. Like three hockey pucks.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You brought us one of those cakes. That's what I'm saying. What you've done is one of those triple layer skull cakes. A patisserie cake. A patisserie. You get the partisserie participation award. You know, I love mistakes. By the way, I also want to say, just in case Seth Rogen tuned in.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God, Nobody listens.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I know. That's hilarious. I'm just saying I like that they're doing a Birdman thing. I can't wait to watch it more. And I'm sure Birdman copied that from someone else. Yeah, they did not make up the oner where it's like.

[Valerie]

But it's also like, it's a appropriate. It's the feeling of show business. That's why they.

[Pete Holmes]

That's why it works.

[Valerie]

That's why it works. That's why it works for both of them.

[Pete Holmes]

Nick Stoller was in that Oh, I had a Nick Stoler thing. Oh, Nick Stoler pitches them a movie and they say, oh, it's like Aaron Sorkin meets this. And I was like, this show is like Aaron Sorkin meets this.

[Valerie]

Ah. Nick Stoller's in the studio.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow. You fell asleep fast. You fell asleep asleep. BS No p. S. Pre stoler.

[Valerie]

Free stoler.

[Pete Holmes]

I was trying to do, like, BC before stoler. I could have said, do I know.

[Valerie]

What he looks like? I might.

[Pete Holmes]

No, that was part of the fun.

[Valerie]

Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

I was like, oh, that's what Nick Stoller looks like.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I love Nick Stoler.

[Valerie]

I know you do.

[Pete Holmes]

To put a little.

[Valerie]

Your favorite work of him is storks.

[Pete Holmes]

Storks is incredible. One of his and Andy Samberg and the young woman who does the. The co lead who I've looked up two of the best vocal performances of our generation. Amazing.

[Valerie]

I wonder if she's doing lots of vocal work. She should be. She's great.

[Pete Holmes]

She was fantastic. We don't know her drag. I'm not putting her down at all. They found this incredible woman to do that voice, and it really feels like they. They had a lot of budget for that director, for Andy, for Frasier. I call Kelsey grammar Frasier.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And they were like, oh, well, we. We can't get, like, Anna Kendrick to do it. But then they got this woman. Unbelievable. Nobody could have done better than that woman.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Agreed.

[Pete Holmes]

And maybe I'm wrong. Maybe she's huge in Peru. That's one of my least. Going back to white Lotus, by the way. When they go, you know, that person's a huge mov in Thailand. I'm like, okay. And this spoon is called a quidgy bow in Madagascar.

[Valerie]

I don't care.

[Pete Holmes]

They are nothing. They are nothing.

[Valerie]

If it's not American, it's nothing.

[Pete Holmes]

If I don't know you, you're nothing. I'm kidding. But it's also fun to yell.

[Valerie]

Going back to a real pain. We won't talk about the movie, but I did have the lovely experience watching it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Because we.

[Pete Holmes]

We went to Mexico. Cuemosa Mexico.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And we got on the air. I mean, like, are we going to get into that, too?

[Pete Holmes]

I've already thought about this. I know the. The green light areas.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Because we. We want to be really clear. We went on this trip with our wonderful friends and they planned it. And then some things went sideways and we want to laugh at the things going sideways. And in no way it's put down.

[Valerie]

Our reflection of our beautiful friends.

[Pete Holmes]

It's Nobody's fault. In fact, they agree 900%. 900% percent. For brevity's sake. 900% of the things that went goofy.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Were nature based.

[Valerie]

100%.

[Pete Holmes]

So, like, I loved it because I could. You weren't joking. Like, you just said 100%.

[Valerie]

I sort of feel like I'm also just, like, watching me talk.

[Pete Holmes]

I love.

[Valerie]

Like, I'm in the backseat of my body just seeing, like, what's this gonna say?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, boy genius.

[Valerie]

She gonna say, let's make it weird.

[Pete Holmes]

I love everything you've done. And I wouldn't change a thing. You were gonna talk about the airplane. And so we weren't seated together.

[Valerie]

We weren't seated. So. Okay. After sort of this trip that. In. In really fun ways that I think that we've already started laughing about and we will laugh about to come. This trip was like LTC Laughs to come. A little bit of a fiasco, so.

[Pete Holmes]

And when we say fiasco, we mean it in the. I actually think that's the highest confidence you can get. We've talked many times about the NPR episode called Fiasco this American Life.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I've listened to that episode multiple times.

[Valerie]

We love it.

[Pete Holmes]

It's tears down your face laughter. It's just when things. Nobody's fault. Everybody's going in with the best of intentions and the best planning and things just sometimes go goofy.

[Valerie]

Go goofy.

[Pete Holmes]

And it can make you laugh so hard. So in that spirit, we'll share some of the things that went goofy.

[Valerie]

It's one of my favorite things when, like, everything, it's just like one thing after the next, and you're like, this is. You just have to, like, surrender and laugh about it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

So after a trip like that and, like, cutting it short, we had to move our flights so we weren't together.

[Pete Holmes]

Heretofore is also another one that Jesse Eisenberg would be like that. Heretofore never refer to again the proverbial.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Flip flop, flip flop, flip flop.

[Pete Holmes]

Here's me directing that movie. Cut. Jess, like, I believe you exist, but let's make it the 2025 version, because this is 1995.

[Valerie]

This is me directing that. Okay, that was great. I think we got the one where you're being Jesse Eisenberg.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wow.

[Valerie]

Can we just do one where you. You try it, like, talking like anybody else.

[Pete Holmes]

Very funny. Kind of. Kind of a grading critique.

[Valerie]

Oh, I mean, I guess. But I really don't think he listens to this. That's how much I don't think Cut.

[Pete Holmes]

To him walking fast on a treadmill. Dead face AirPods.

[Valerie]

Oh my God.

[Pete Holmes]

He's walking real fast.

[Valerie]

I can picture it. He's wearing. Well he's wearing light gray sweatpants and.

[Pete Holmes]

There'S a little jingle jangle down there. I'm just. Oh, I don't mean little. I just mean there's a small amount of a regular sized jingle jangle regular to large. What do I need to say about Jesse Eisensberg's dick to make this okay?

[Valerie]

We all wish you just didn't say anything about it.

[Pete Holmes]

You bring in that fine Jim Gray short. Any shorts? Any short. You know those like theater where. Where they put up a scrim and there's like a shadow show? Like they put up shadows. That's what gym shorts are for. Dicks and balls. It's just like we're gonna put up this kind of like thin gossamer. That's kind of one a gossamer. Thin is another one. Yeah, we're gonna put that up over the D and B and we're gonna let you just kind of really get a sense of it whenever someone's walking, moving, jostling, jogging.

[Valerie]

That's true. I. Yeah, I think that happens mostly to you. More than anybody I've ever met.

[Pete Holmes]

My dingo one.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Remember when you came in my like my parents kitchen?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh God.

[Valerie]

Can I tell the story?

[Pete Holmes]

I don't remember it.

[Valerie]

Oh. And just like my parents were like asleep and it was just us and my brother and sister in law and my brother went, you cut bro?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And it was the perfect way to be. Like we can see the outline of your dick and balls.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean it's like somebody laid a wet kleenex on it sheet. The shroud of Turin. The shroud of mudden mud. The shroud of my. Dude, if you push me I'm standing on a cliff like Hans Gruber style. And like if I go like it's a thing, it's a thin gossip thing like the shroud of. And then you push me as I'm starting to say dick I go like the shrouded.

[Valerie]

That's how that rhyme could work.

[Pete Holmes]

The only way it could work because in your mind it can kind of imagine a fifth a five dimensional object, you know what I mean?

[Valerie]

Oh my God.

[Pete Holmes]

One can't exist, but your mind can kind of imagine one.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The shroud of Dura.

[Valerie]

The shroud of my D. And then.

[Pete Holmes]

Any conversation about it afterwards would make it fall apart. So in respect for my memory as having died being pushed off a Cliff.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't talk about it. Just be like, what a great line.

[Valerie]

What a great light. What a way to go.

[Pete Holmes]

What that. Like the Naked Gun. My dad went the same way, saying the same joke, talking about thin gray shorts.

[Valerie]

All right, all right. I. I really. No shade to Jesse Eisenberg. I don't.

[Pete Holmes]

I love Jay.

[Valerie]

We just keep.

[Pete Holmes]

I love Jess. Eyes.

[Valerie]

Just size. But I had a sweet little moment watching that movie because I hadn't seen it yet anyways. Well, the first. I'm getting at myself. So we're at the end of that trip. We had to cut it short so we weren't sitting together. We sit down and I like, this is. This is such a hobbit way to panic. Like, I've been keeping it together this entire trip, and you've been healthily letting things out in real time, but I'm just holding it all together.

[Pete Holmes]

But you're on the plane at this.

[Valerie]

Point, and then I see. Sit down on the plane with Leela. And because we're sort of like in the row. What is it called? The road. That's like. Right. The first row. The bulkhead.

[Pete Holmes]

Which is also an insult in the pilot community. Shut up. Bulkhead. All right. Emergency exit row, Cockpit. I'm a cockpit. You're a bulkhead. Any questions? He's chewing on a match, A wooden match. All right. Big words for a bulkhead. Why don't we take this to the tarmac? That means let's fight.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

On a flat surface.

[Valerie]

And then.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait. That is a funny thing for a pilot to say. Before he punches you, like, uppercuts you into the sky. He goes, the pilot has cleared you for takeoff.

[Valerie]

Pow.

[Pete Holmes]

Do I write the John Wick? But he's a pilot. Maybe the John Wick.

[Valerie]

But I. Yeah, the John Wick.

[Pete Holmes]

The John Wick.

[Valerie]

But I do think that it. It should be animated.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. And Nick Stoller can direct.

[Valerie]

There you go. So I sit down and I'm with Lila. And then I look and there's. Because we're in the bulkhead, there's no screens in front of us. And I was texting with you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Valerie]

And because you were like, thanks for sitting with the girl. And I just went, there are no screens.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And it's like a five hour flight. And I was like, if I can't have TV and food right now to dissociate, I'm going to lose my fucking shit.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

I can't do this. So I was texting you. Like, I don't know why, but that's it, you know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And. And then it turns out there were screens. They were just like the very cool kind that you pull out.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And put it in front of you.

[Pete Holmes]

I do want to point out that this is coach. These are just regular seats.

[Valerie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because if you're like. And then it turns out there was personalized oxygen.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

If you're picturing us in. In pods or something.

[Valerie]

No, no, no.

[Pete Holmes]

We were. I was in like 17. You were in 10.

[Valerie]

Yeah, but it's just because it's such a long flight and it's still.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that was the beginning of the issue for me. I don't. This is when you make an asset of you and me. Oh, yeah.

[Valerie]

I just want to finish the point because I thought.

[Pete Holmes]

I thought that was you finishing.

[Valerie]

No, it's not good enough for. For me to, like, keep bringing it up. So let me just finish.

[Pete Holmes]

I know exactly how you feel and.

[Valerie]

What I texted you. So then the guy who was sitting next to me comes and sits next to me, and I was like, he's like coughing. He's manslaughter spreading. So he's like, using our, you know, shared armrest. I can feel the hairs on his arm even when my, like, you don't.

[Pete Holmes]

Want the tickle of whiskers.

[Valerie]

I know. And I was. So I texted you. I was like, the guy next to me reminds me of my dad and there are no screens and I hate this.

[Pete Holmes]

Which, by the way, I am going to interject here. In non violent parenting, there were two instances, a non violent communication, two instances where the author got hit in the nose. One he said, hurt like the dickens. And the second time, which was on the already broken nose, he got hit again, didn't hurt. And he was like, what was the difference? The first time, the kid that he was trying to break up a fight and he got elbowed in the nose the first time, he thought that kid was like a ne'er do well, like a bad kid. He didn't like this kid, the second kid who elbowed him in the nose and it didn't hurt. He thought that kid was like an innocent kid, like a sweet kid who needed help. They kind of saw him.

[Valerie]

So we saw it as just like accidental and like.

[Pete Holmes]

So it didn't hurt the narratives that we apply. You said, this guy reminds me of my dad. And I'm like, you're loading him with a lot of stuff there.

[Valerie]

Exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

Of course, the tickle of his arm hairs. If it was Brett Goldstein, he would have been like, I'd be Leaning in.

[Valerie]

I'd be trying to lift that armrest up.

[Pete Holmes]

Get a blanket, get a blanket, get a blanket. One of the funniest lines. Melissa McCarthy, you are okay with us. Well, just a lot of name drops. A lot of celebrity name drops in this episode. All right, so wait, wait, wait.

[Valerie]

But now I want to tell you something about the nose thing, because you've been saying that lately. That's sort of one of your little sound bites. Is that study about the nose.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm a sound bite now?

[Valerie]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Am I a bowl of Skittles on a desk?

[Valerie]

You aren't a sound bite. You have many sound bites, and that's one of them. I feel steam that I thought of that because we were in the ocean. I was trying to help Leila boogie board. And again, this go gives you a little bit of an idea about our fiasco trip in this, like, stormy, fraught. Like, I didn't even know an ocean could have this many layers of waves. Ocean. And I'm trying to help Leela boogie board, and she, like, wipes out, but then jumps out of the water and, like, headbutts my nose. My sunglasses into my nose, and the sunglasses fall off into the ocean. Into the ocean. And it hurts so much worse than it should have because I associate her with beating the out of me all the time. Yeah. I love her more than anything, but she kicks and punches and is always abusive.

[Pete Holmes]

Correct me if I'm wrong, the pain there is. Don't I get any stuff? Like, I'm spending a lot of time protecting Leela's stuff.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like. And her stuff might be. And this is so sweet, but like a dandelion. Oh, yeah.

[Valerie]

Constant. And like, I'll always on guard. Watching rock vigilant. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, dad, Daddy, keep this stick. And I'm carrying this stick. And it smells or whatever. And then, like, I have, like, my Apollo we. I talked about. Lila loves to take my Apollo off and she'll lose it. Like, I just don't know how she does it. And it's worse than if I just lost it because I'm like, I have no stuff.

[Valerie]

You've taken everything from me.

[Pete Holmes]

And now your sunnies. Your vacation sunnies.

[Valerie]

Yes. Which are important, which I bought for.

[Pete Holmes]

This vacation, are now in the drink.

[Valerie]

Yeah. In the ocean. And my nose hurts.

[Pete Holmes]

Can I tell you a confession?

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

I go full moana in those moments. What do I mean? What do I mean by that?

[Valerie]

That's another one.

[Pete Holmes]

That's another Eisenberg.

[Valerie]

Ask yourself what you Mean?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, in situations like that, I go full moana.

[Valerie]

What do I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

What do I mean by that? It's corporate. There's. Anyway, there's something corporate about it. But I was making fun of it. I'm telling you. I, like, pray to the ocean. I go like. I talk to the ocean all the time. Maybe this crazy, but I'm like, hi, baby. Like, I love you, or mother, father, whatever. I feel like it. I love it so much. And when I lose something in the ocean. One time I drop my car keys in the ocean. Horrible.

[Valerie]

I remember this.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm stuck. I'm stuck in Santa Monica back when we lived on the east side. And I just was like. I jutted my hand in a wave and just clenched, and there they were.

[Valerie]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was like, in full moana relationship with the ocean. I was like, thank you.

[Valerie]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Thank you, ocean. So. But then, unfortunately, here, your glasses are gone, and I'm just very like, it's fine. Just be calm. Because what's cool about losing something in the ocean is it's churning, so they're coming back. And you can kind of be like, send it to me.

[Valerie]

Well, you know what's funny about that? I didn't find them. We did try that, and it lost them. But what's funny about that is 10.

[Pete Holmes]

Minutes later, wave is wearing them right now. There's a cool ass Spuds McKenzie Spuds Mackenzie style wave. Just like, dan, dan, dan, dan, dan, dun, dun, dun, dun, dun. Like, cruising in the middle of the ocean. One of those middle of the ocean waves.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I just wanted to do it again. Thinking about that wave is making me so happy.

[Valerie]

I feel like I was just like Leela or like a child who was sad that I lost something. And then you, like, did the cool parent thing where you, like, redirected me into a laugh about it. And now I feel really happy that my sunglasses.

[Pete Holmes]

Because of the wave.

[Valerie]

Yeah, the cool way.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, good. Oh, good. Because in the moment, I wasn't that helpful.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And five minutes before that, Leela had lost her goggles, and I found those instantly. So it was like kind of a funny mirroring image image of, like, parenting where you're just like. Right. It really is sort of just all about her. And I'm. I'm the fucking Giving Tree, and I'm just gonna lose all my. My leaves.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I don't care for the Giving Tree.

[Valerie]

Oh, no. It's a terrible story.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't like the Giving Tree.

[Valerie]

I don't like the Giving Tree. Trees I think it's dysfunctional.

[Pete Holmes]

And they sit on. Yeah, it is dysfunctional. If Shel Silverstein was here, I would tell him that, and he would go, hey, man, I never thought about it that way. Yeah, I don't know how he sounds.

[Valerie]

He's wearing my sunglasses and he's a wave. Return to the ocean, man.

[Pete Holmes]

You know why? Because I. We know why. Because my mom was one of those moms that was like, you know, take it all.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And now it's like, it would have been great if we could have.

[Valerie]

You want. You want a self respect drink while you pour? Beautiful tree. Yeah, that has a root system that's pulling from others.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's enough apples.

[Valerie]

Yeah, I think you've had enough.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what? I'm gonna. I'm gonna call it at you chopping me down.

[Valerie]

Yeah, that's probably too far.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a little too far. You know why? Because I'm a human, too.

[Valerie]

Yeah, I'm alive, too.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm alive. That's what we say to Leela all the time. I'm alive.

[Valerie]

I'm alive.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm alive.

[Valerie]

I'm a person.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I felt that. You drop kicked me. I felt that. I'm here.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And yet she still does it. All right, so the final button on this very mundane story, but I think it makes it worth it, is that this guy is sitting next to me on the plane. I can feel his arm hairs. I don't like how he's spreading. He's coughing. He reminds me of my dad. There are no screens as far as I'm concerned. And so I'm just like, I'm not gonna be able to do it. I'm gonna actually, like. I started to, like, have the urge to cry. I didn't cry, but I was like, I could cry right now. I might cry. And. And then I ask about the screens. This is the first. This is exactly how it happened. The flight attendant came over and I went, excuse me, are there any screens? And he was like, oh, yeah, they're down below. You just push that button and pull them up. And that sweet arm hair man turned to me and went, isn't that cool? And I went, oh, wait, I like you. And then I was like, that is cool. And I said, I just was texting with my husband and made the joke, like, God forbid I have to read. And he was like, well, you can't read the whole time. And I was like, this guy's all right, I like you. And then. All right, so cut to, like, 30 minutes into the flight, I start watching A Real Pain. I'm like, maybe one minute in. And he goes, what movie are you watching? And I was like, oh, it's called A Real Pain. And he went, oh, that was nominated for things, right? And I was like, yeah. And I just haven't gotten around to seeing it yet. He's like, I'm gonna watch it too. And he pulls his screen out and I like. I didn't say. I didn't, like, say anything to him, but I just, like, waited for him to get to the point that I was at. And then I hit play so that we were at the same moment. And then we just sat next to each other and watched A Real Pain, like, exactly. Together. And as soon as it was over, we hit pause and, like, took our headphones out.

[Pete Holmes]

When you say you went, that was.

[Valerie]

That was kind of weird, huh? Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know what I was expecting when I saw that movie, but as I've said a million. I think everyone should write a three page essay on how they feel their interior world, what's going on in their lives before they give a movie review.

[Valerie]

Yeah. So good.

[Pete Holmes]

So. And I'll also say, like, how richly did you anticipate it? Like, I was really. I go, I. Because I do love Jesse Eisenberg and I do love Kieran Culkin.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I love both of those people. And I'm like, oh, they're going to be brothers or something. I'm like, I'm in.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It could be like my dinner with Andre. Nothing could happen if it's those two guys. I love it. And then I watched it and I was just very. My expectations were not met, which is my fault for having those expectations.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But then for some reason, it just didn't grab me, as in the way that I wanted to be grabbed. That's all I'm saying.

[Valerie]

Yeah. I'm not saying totally. Yeah, it wasn't bad. I. I felt like I could have used it. And usually I want, like, a movies to be less. To be like, more subtle and say less and leave more, but this one, I could have used maybe 10 or 20% a little bit. Like, just like more lessons learned, maybe. More lessons learned.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, didn't you say that at the end he's kind of in the exact same place?

[Valerie]

Yeah, he isn't Denis. He has no arc. He. He's sort of the same. I guess the arc maybe is Jesse Eisenberg coming to terms with him or something? Yeah. But.

[Pete Holmes]

But I.

[Valerie]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm also going to show all my cards here and be like, I hate thing. I don't know if hate is too strong. I really don't like characters where their thing is like, I'm just larger than life.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I go to the airport just to meet people. It's like, shut the fuck up. Shut up.

[Valerie]

You know where I do like that, though?

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I shipped myself weed. What? Stop it.

[Valerie]

You know what? I. I do. And not everybody feels this way, but where I do like that is Jeff who lives at home.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I love Jeff who lives at home.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

Who is the. You mean Jeff?

[Valerie]

Yeah. Jason Siegel is sort of the. Like, I just, like, you know, he would be like, I just go here to watch people, man. Like, I just learned, you know, like, following signs everywhere. Right. You know, whatever.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. And for some reason, the smallness and the sadness of that came through more.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I've just, like, any time. And really, again, to really show an embarrassing card. It's like, I'm more special than this. Like, I don't. Like, it's the same thing in life. We've said this a million. If I'm at a party and someone's like. Like, our friend John, who we love, is like, I have a pet jellyfish. I'll just be like, all right, you go.

[Valerie]

Like, you go.

[Pete Holmes]

You go. You have a pet jellyfish. You go, yeah. Like, I don't want to compete. And that's how I feel about Kieran's character in that, where he's just.

[Valerie]

That makes sense.

[Pete Holmes]

I just can't help but. But say the thing, and I'm like, oh, how delicious.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But then I get normcore. I'm like, how about just shut up and enjoy the tour?

[Valerie]

That's exactly right. Okay. And I'm gonna bring. I am gonna bring Mana Ukraine back in. Because Kieran Culkin is such a 4 in. I'm pretty sure in real life. But then all in.

[Pete Holmes]

In that if you're wearing that many bracelets, you're a four.

[Valerie]

Which, in the four is the individualists. They're always standing out. They can't. Their. Their emotions sort of rule them. I mean, not always. Like, there's healthy fours, and that's my parents.

[Pete Holmes]

My parents would be in a tour group and be like, I remember before we knew what autism was, there was a child who wouldn't let their peas touch their potatoes.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And by the. Now that we know what autism is, we're like, that's totally normal. That means way more to them than we understand. And we're at this, like, let's say it was a bed and breakfast, but some situation where you're having communal food with strangers. And my mom was like, well, you should just say that's ridiculous and make them touch. Like, just like saying that. And that's what I get when I watch someone like Kieran's character in a movie being like, right. I know you're not supposed to do this, but I'm putting my ass on the Shroud of Turin and it's like, shroud of my death. I can only think of the shroud of Turin. I was trying to think of the Rosetta stone that whole time. The Rosetta stone.

[Valerie]

Shroud of Turin makes a return.

[Pete Holmes]

The Shroud of Turin. Oh, my God.

[Valerie]

I. That's one of my favorite things is when you, like, you.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm trying to riff or like, I.

[Valerie]

Remember, like, if you use, like a thing, a word that you don't use.

[Pete Holmes]

That often and then it comes back.

[Valerie]

In the same conversation. It will, it will, it will. Anytime I've tried to say, like, galore, that's coming back.

[Pete Holmes]

Galore is a great one. And in fact, it's a fun way to pass time at a boring party. You can just let galore out and just watch. Wait for. It's like the boomerang. It's a boomerang word.

[Valerie]

It's a boomerang word.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. They got snacks. Galore.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

1, 2, 3. What are you doing? You're counting out loud. What? I'm waiting for someone to say galore. You. I can't stress this enough. Don't tell people you're waiting for that word. Yeah, it ruins it.

[Valerie]

It ruins it.

[Pete Holmes]

Were you down on your point?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, well, let's go to the mid. The mid ads here and then when we come back, we will talk in chronologe. I think it's deeply funny about our trip and all the many, many things that kind of went goofy and it's gonna be fun. Freak out. We'll be right back. A wonderful and easy way to support the show is to go to livinglibations.com weird and get some skin care, get some eye care, teeth care, baby care, sun blocking. You could even even just get like a tongue scraper, something small. Or do what me and Valerie did, which is a complete medicine cabinet beauty cabinet overhaul. Because living libations makes incredibly effective, high end, beautifully packaged and very, very powerful effective skin beauty care. Stuff that is not filled with random chemical nightmare toxicity levels never intended for human consumption because I had been careful for many years. About what I put in my body in terms of of food or drinks. But I wasn't careful about what I put on my body. I thought things at malls and kiosks that have French names mean they're good and good for you. They're not. They're filled with so many chemical random bull that makes its way into your bloodstream and is not healthy for you or your body. Living Libations is here to help all that with incredibly effective, incredibly beautifully packaged, incredibly long lasting and very badass stuff with ingredients you can pronounce and that you will recognize. It is skin care. It is hair care. It is eye care. It is mouth, gums, teeth, everything. Sun care for the babies that you can feel good about putting on your kids or yourself. I love their best skin ever moisturizer. I bought a bottle of that about two years ago and I'm still using the same bottle. This is a great way to support your healthy skin, your healthy body, your healthy kids, healthy sun care, whatever you need that you're putting on your body. Living Libations has a replacement product for it. Support your body, support the show. One of our longest sponsors. We love them. I genuinely think you will love them as well. For 15% off go to living libations.com weird. That's living libations.com weird for 15% off. Okay, we're back. Can I start?

[Valerie]

Yes, because. But if you don't do it right, I will jump in.

[Pete Holmes]

Of course. I would expect nothing less, milady.

[Valerie]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

The first thing that went wrong was completely on me, which is that I thought we were going to close Mexico, which was an assumption. That's the ass out of you and me. An expression I've never liked. I hate when people go, don't assume you make an ass out of you and me. Get it? A s s u M e. I'm just like off. Like off. I hate that I'm saying mother trucker for some reason. It's just not for me.

[Valerie]

You know what I do like? What I would like is being like, I assume mean, I assume you make.

[Pete Holmes]

An assoo out of me.

[Valerie]

No, like I'm trying to say the word assumed but with an and in between you and me, I assume me.

[Pete Holmes]

I. You make an ass.

[Valerie]

I assume, yes. You and me. You know what I'm gonna call it? It didn't work. It doesn't work.

[Pete Holmes]

But if you were on a cliff and someone pushed you, you go, I swear. There are some things that only work as a barely audible last word off a cliff. And a lot of my jokes are that way. And that's why my shows are on cliffs now. Okay, real fast. I thought it was close Mexico. Where I got that idea, I don't know. I actually do know where I got that idea. If you live in California and you're going to Mexico. Mexico for a quick vacation with your children.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You go to close Mexico. I'm not mad at it.

[Valerie]

Yeah, you go to Baja, your cabos, even your Puerto Vallartes.

[Pete Holmes]

It's. That's a 90 minute, two hour flight. That's. That's like. Mexico is like. We get it. It's standing there with open arms. It's like loentiendo.

[Valerie]

We're California extended, baby.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. It's so fun. We go to far Mexico. So that's sort of surprise number one. So now we're like four. No, no.

[Valerie]

You didn't really realize that until we were like at the airport.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. We're on the plane, basically. And they're like, your flight time is 4 hours and 20 minutes. I'll see you on the tarmac.

[Valerie]

Pitch.

[Pete Holmes]

And you were like, como, Como otrad favor? So that's fine. That's not even really bad. It's just when we got to the house, I was like, let's immediately go in the ocean. Because I was like, that's a long flight. I'm cramped and I'm tired. I'm just too old. I just turned 46 and one of the main ways I feel getting older is travel. So you're like, I'm old. Let's get in the ocean. But I'm really like, I'm. Clap your hands. Let's fucking do this mode.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Get Leela. It's almost dark. Like the sun has pretty much set. But it's not like black night yet. I'm like, sweetheart, let's go in the ocean. Because this house, very beautiful house, was right on the water.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And I do want to say, jump in here and just say the pictures of this house.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Whoever photographed this house deserves like a.

[Valerie]

Cinematography award or more like special effects.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Maybe a Photoshop award. They shot it from the one angle where it looked like it was in the jungle.

[Valerie]

Like. Yeah. Like secluded in the jungle. And more importantly to me, the picture of. There's a picture of the section of ocean that it's on.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And it looks completely waveless.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

Still and shallow and like white sand. I was like, oh, this is like.

[Pete Holmes]

This is what you want for children.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

You want an ocean that all the little kids can get In.

[Valerie]

I told Leela, I was like, you're gonna be able to, like, walk out basically into the middle of the ocean because it stays shallow for a mile. That's how certain I was that that was what we were dealing with here.

[Pete Holmes]

So we get there, and you're gonna hear a lot about wind.

[Valerie]

Because we did.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, we heard a lot about wind.

[Valerie]

We heard a lot about it.

[Pete Holmes]

It's dark and it's windy, but I'm like, that's fine.

[Valerie]

And the woman who was like, welcoming.

[Pete Holmes]

Us into the house, oh, the wind.

[Valerie]

Just started, just picked up. And she's like, you know, it's tropical, so the weather's always changing. And I'm like, yeah, that checks out.

[Pete Holmes]

With my experience, which we also, while we're giving out Academy Awards, that woman.

[Valerie]

Gets one best performance.

[Pete Holmes]

Because everyone who comes to that house at that time of year gets the same like, oh, this wind just started. Like, it was flawless.

[Valerie]

It was 100% full force wind 100% of the time. Not even a minute of like, ooh, the weight. The wind just let up. It was.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. You don't realize how oppressive wind can be.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, if you're in a situation where you're listening to this casually, thank the lack of wind. Wind will.

[Valerie]

You're. Here's something that won't work. Your AirPods isn't. They're not going to work outside in the wind.

[Pete Holmes]

They're not moving AirPods.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So we're like, all right, it's a little windy, but we're going out. We walk on this dock. I know I've said this many times. Poor Val, You've heard this before, but I go down the steps into the water, and they're the slippiest steps I've ever stepped on. That's nobody's fault. They're just kind of covered in seaweed. There's also so much seaweed in the ocean that it looks like Godzilla is taking a nap in the shallow end. So we go in, I get in the water, and immediately nobody on our trip went in the ocean. So nobody really ended up knowing how right I was. And I think they all thought I was exaggerating. The ground was jagged rock, not like some rocks interspersed with sand. No sand. 100% the back of Godzilla, basically, those sand.

[Valerie]

And I think coral and coral. Coral and shells. Sharp shells.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's windy, so the. It's really churnin.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So I'm standing, trying to find my bearings, and I think. And Leela's on the dock, and I'M in the water and it's up to my waist, and I'm, like, really kind of getting knocked. This is funny. Like, the spirit in which I'm sharing this is amazing. Imagine no one else is in the water.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

In fact, the whole trip, no one was in the water.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I. I get a feeling that the people in the other houses on this beach, because it was all lined with these little houses, were watching the newbies.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Try the ocean and that. That's their Netflix, you know what I mean? So I'm in the water, and I'm, like, losing my footing, and I'm cutting my feet. I'm telling you, Sharp. I don't mind stones. I'm talking about blade stones.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's so windy that I yell to Leela, wait there. She can't hear me. Like, it's like perfume. It goes out in front of me, and then, whoosh, it's gone. So the words wait there make it, like, half a foot in front of my face and are blown away. Next thing I know, Leela is jumping from the dock into my arms. So I'm like. My toes are. And I'm, like, bleeding, I'm pretty sure. Turns out I was. And then, like, I am walking her, trying to get her to where I'm like, any second. I know Ocean.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Ocean returns my keys. I love ocean.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I will find sand. We just happened to be in some. They happen to build the dock in the worst place to go into the water. Okay. What a goofy choice. But there's gotta be nice, clean sand. Never find it. Now I'm on my knees. I had to put Leela down. Leela's, like, getting her feet chopped up, and she's going, curse you, ocean. Curse you. And I don't even know where she got that.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

And I grabbed her again and I walked her in, and she's just like, I didn't like that. And I'm like. I feel exactly that way. I'm like, I didn't like that and went in and my toe was bleeding just a tiny bit. A tiny bit. I'm not gonna exaggerate, but they were chopped up. And I was like, what the fuck was that? It was like. It felt like Tim Burton directed it. Yeah, it was a Tim Burton.

[Valerie]

Well, when I got out there, I just. I was getting in my bathing suit, so you guys got ahead of me. But when I got out there, Lela was full. You're holding her in like, a stormy ocean. She's fully screaming and crying and, like, so are you. You're. You're almost crying, too.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, really?

[Valerie]

Yeah. You were like, the rocks are cutting up all my feet.

[Pete Holmes]

Here's.

[Valerie]

Here's.

[Pete Holmes]

This isn't even in the spirit.

[Valerie]

The hell.

[Pete Holmes]

This isn't even in the spirit of being defensive. Yes. Because you take anybody, I believe, put them in something so much bigger than them, and then you make the ground, you know, A Mortal Kombat fatality place.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I guess I'm done riffing for the day, but it's like I was completely overwhelmed. But here's the worst part, actually, is when I got in, I really got the sense everybody didn't believe me, Like. And I hate that feeling.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

I. The thing. I have that joke where I go, for me, heaven is hell. But you get breaks to talk about it. Like, it's worth it to have the ocean be fucked and have seaweed and rocks and waves and danger and your daughter's crying. It's worth it if we can start laughing about it immediately. And the vibe I was getting was like, no, we're just easing in. Like, just, like, give it a chance. So I'm like, oh, okay, I guess I'll stop being a bitch. That's how I felt.

[Valerie]

Well, yeah. And I don't. And I know you weren't, but I was one of those people because it was like, we just got on this station. We have to enjoy the. Like. I was like, I can't believe right now in the first five minutes that we're just not gonna get to be in the ocean this entire trip.

[Pete Holmes]

After my sea trauma, I was like, the ocean's off the menu.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But, like, I also realized I was having this adrenalized response. I was having, like a. I just got tossed around, and my daughter was screaming, crying. So then I'm like, when I got regulated, I was like, yeah, there's gotta be a path. There's gotta be a sandy path out to the. To the sea.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The second thing that went goofy, hilarious, was that our one day, because it was so windy in the ocean and blah, blah, we were like, all right, we're just watching iPads, and that's our break. And. And then it was night is bedtime. And I was like, leela, let's walk on the beach.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I was like, we can't go from screen to trying to see.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And this is one of the benefits of, like, being on the beach is like, get her in nature.

[Pete Holmes]

This is gonna be great. The moon is out. Sure. I won't be able to Hear anything you say. Cause it's so windy. It's also the kind of sand I really feel like this paints a picture. There's sand that every once in a while, it's like snow. And you actually go in it quite a bit. Like, it's not packed, so there's a couple steps, and then you're. You're like, what?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then there's, like, a perimeter. There's a place. After we walked down the beach, like, a couple minutes, there was so much seaweed piled up, we couldn't go any further.

[Valerie]

It was blocking the line.

[Pete Holmes]

It was a wall of seaweed. And I was like, all right, I guess let's go back. Nobody heard me say that. I said that to Gaia. Like, someone three miles away heard that on the wind. All right, let's go back. Like, what? Nobody heard me say that. We just start walking back. Leela, who loved this entire trip, she just starts doing cartwheels. She does a cartwheel on an anthill.

[Valerie]

She puts her hand in an ant hill.

[Pete Holmes]

We couldn't see because it was dark and got bit three or four times on her hand. Her hand swells up to the size of a catcher's mitt. And, like, pussy giant. Sorry, I don't want to gross anyone out. Like, giant blisters are forming instantly.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We show this to the. There's, like, a. There were cleaners, basically.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And we were like, do you know what this is? And I wanted them to be like, oh, yeah, no problem. No one was like that. They were like. And I was like, this isn't what I wanted at all. There was a lot of no say, no, say no saying. Like, a lot of confusion. And then they're, like, helping us clean it. Very, very sweet. But it was not the, like, oh, you got bit by a. An ant. Yeah, that's what happens. Everyone's looking. My daughter looked like she was at a sport. Sport game.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

With one of those foam hands. But it was her hand.

[Valerie]

I know. And it lasted forever. I was like, well, this will just be the initial thing, and tomorrow, the entire trip. And it lasted the rest of the trip. The blast blister popped on the plane. It was brutal. Yeah. And. Yeah. Yeah. And then. So the main thing, too, was that there was, like, a nation, a national or citywide, like, rationing of electricity. So every once in a while, actually, pretty frequently, the air conditionings would just, like, get almost like a whisper, just, like, where you're like, I guess it's.

[Pete Holmes]

Not a power outage. It's A power. It's just taking a little nap.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Low flow. And. And then you would try to turn on the ceiling fan and then it would go just the slowest speed that you're like. I don't even think that's like a factory made speed.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't want to sound like two fancy pants that need everything to be pristine, but like.

[Valerie]

No, but it was hotter than the hinges of hell.

[Pete Holmes]

It got hotter than the hinges of hell. And now we're sleeping bad. And my daughter has like a giant.

[Valerie]

Hand and we're all sweaty and like this small bed that Pete's feet hang off of. And the door. Because of the wind. The door is open.

[Pete Holmes]

You really. It's very important that you never forget the wind. Never.

[Valerie]

Just. That's the constant.

[Pete Holmes]

That's like.

[Valerie]

It is. You're people are opening the sliding glass door.

[Pete Holmes]

You got to plant your feet and engage your core to like pry sh.

[Valerie]

And then it's like.

[Pete Holmes]

Like everything's blowing.

[Valerie]

All the stuff's blow cards are blowing all around.

[Pete Holmes]

So if you're like, oh, the air conditioning went out. Big deal. Open the window. Well, let me get a couple friends. It's like pushing a car off the highway.

[Valerie]

And then everybody put on your noise canceling earphones because it's just gonna be the loudest white noise machine you've ever heard.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, but. And then what's interesting. So we did, obviously, we did have some nice memories with our friends.

[Valerie]

There was some fun. There was for sure fun.

[Pete Holmes]

But I noticed that what I really like and also can be annoying about comedians, but what I like about comedians is if. If it was comic, we would have started complaining right away and shitting on it. And then. But in the spirit of if this is what's happening, like a bad movie.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's riff on it.

[Valerie]

Let's look at reality and at least laugh at it.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was like, waiting for my. I was like, I'm not gonna be the one that is. Is the Debbie Downer of the group and goes like, is this crazy?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Or is this not what you expected? So I'm just waiting for anyone else. My fantasy was that someone would look at me and go, like. Like, this is the worst, right? Or just like, maybe it wasn't exactly the worst, but you know what I mean? Can we address these different things that I realized when we were done? I was like, oh, that's one of my core principles of life is like, when something's going goofy, name it immediately call it the Fiasco de la Luna. So when, you know, Leela's hand gets bit, we go, fiasco de la Luna. Yeah, it's here again. And we can, like, because I've said this a million times on this podcast, but it's a real core belief is, like, when I watched Night of the Living Dead, a zombie movie, what I found so scary about it was someone would run from the zombies, go into a house where it's safe. There'd be two people there, and they'd be like, there are zombies. And no one would believe them. That's my nightmare. It's not zombies. It's that we have a chance here to go, like, there are zombies, but they just keep making dinner. Well, guess what? Everyone's brains are eaten in the next scene. Guys, it's not even the next scene. It's this scene.

[Valerie]

I know, and I am guilty of this is because, you know, And I will say we also. Like, the first day, I was like, I like the breeze. This is like a vacation breeze, you know?

[Pete Holmes]

And I was trying some of that, too. Eating.

[Valerie]

And then. And I was like, surely there's a sand path. And, like. And the whole first day, like, I did end up getting water shoes, and so did Leela, and unfortunately, you didn't. And so we had, like, a fun day in the ocean where we weren't getting our feet cut up. But you still.

[Pete Holmes]

I still went in barefoot. Yeah, I went in four or five times.

[Valerie]

Yeah, I kept going for it and, like, drinking margaritas on the beach with my friends. So there was, like, enough of that, especially in the beginning.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't regret the trip at all, and I'm grateful to the friends that planned it.

[Valerie]

But I. I'm sort of explaining why I did it. Took me a little while to be like, okay, I guess this isn't going well. Because, like, there was enough fun that I was like, this is fun. Let's just lean into the fun. Let's not lean into, like, the things that are going wrong.

[Pete Holmes]

I wake up in the morning and say, yes, thank you. I'm a primer. I'm a. Like a Find the Gratitude list. Do it. Like, do it. Find it. But there is. I have a threshold. And at a certain point, you go, like, this isn't that. And when I. Like when Matt and I are doing shows, it happens very rarely, and the show isn't ideal. My comfort isn't going, this is great. These are just people. It's just fine. She's a little loud out There we go. Jesus Christ. They sound shitfaced. Name it. Now so one of the things I noticed stylistically, which was different in this friend dynamic, which, again, is fine. It wasn't acknowledged until we were at the airport going home because the water went out.

[Valerie]

Well, we had to move the flights up because finally the power did go.

[Pete Holmes]

Full, fully out, fully off, and then no water.

[Valerie]

And then the water cut out.

[Pete Holmes]

And then we were like, there's floaters in two of the three toilets. And we're like, I think we should just go.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And we're like, all right. We moved our flight and we went home, and we're at the airport. And then the moment I had been fantasizing about the entire trip was the guy I wanted to commiserate with looked at me and was like, what would you have done differently about this trip? And that was as, like, close to, like, yeah, that's all I needed. The door was open a crack, and I was like, like, everything. And now we're laughing and I'm like, I wish we had been doing that the whole time. But. But also, I get why. Here's what I'm saying. We started by talking about the Enneagram. What I didn't realize is when you're looking at, like, your get along ability with a person, and that doesn't mean I didn't get along with these people. I just mean your mirror. How much am I mirrored? One of the tests is how you deal with adversity. And when you grow up, up, like, I did really kind of in a very strange situation, meaning my house situation. And kind of acting like it's okay, you. You lose your taste for that pretty quick.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then you become the kid at church that's talking in the back, and those are the comedians. And you become the kid at school that's kind of talking and. And just going like, did anyone else notice that the principal only had one lens in his glasses? Like, we need to name it, and we need, like, honest feedback. It's why I'm drawn to Neil Brennan. Can you fuck King Mad Jin? If Neil Brennan had been there, he.

[Valerie]

Would have been there for five minutes.

[Pete Holmes]

He would have been there for five.

[Valerie]

Minutes after the ocean cut his feet. He would be.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, pity. I gotta tell you. I'm outta here.

[Valerie]

This is it for you.

[Pete Holmes]

He wouldn't have unpacked, and I would have been. I'm so lit up. And Birbiglia, too. Birbiglia and Jenny, all of my close friends, we like finding the positive. But, like, those people would have been like, I've been with Judd at dinner. And been like, this isn't working, and we just go somewhere else. I love it.

[Valerie]

It is. It's a lesson for me because, you know, I. It was so. The thought of it being like, oh, no, is this not going to be the vacation I thought it was going to be? And again, there were some beautiful moments, but, like, it was too heartbreaking.

[Pete Holmes]

I get it.

[Valerie]

And. And to break the group apart, that's actually like, an unbearable thing for a nine.

[Pete Holmes]

And. Yes, exactly.

[Valerie]

And, like, so. And even to break a group. The group apart in being, like, the first one to be like, I don't know if I like this.

[Pete Holmes]

Val. You know what it is? Did we talk about pull the goalie on this podcast?

[Valerie]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

No. Okay. I. I remember. I was like, oh, we should talk about that on the pod.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

In the broadest, fastest. Am I interrupting? No, it's pull the goalie. So in. In hockey, you're down, you pull your goalie, so you have another attacker. You have more vulnerability. They can score easily, but we have more chance to win or tie up. And my strategy, I'm now realizing I heard that on Malcolm Gladwell's Revisionist History, which is an incredible podcast. He was talking about the philosophy of pull the goalie being one of his core principles. My strategy in this situation where a lot of things are going goofy is pull the goalie, meaning it's more vulnerable. Like, it could go bad. Like, it could make things worse. It could hurt people's feelings. Maybe. Maybe I'm the dick that, like, we were trying for something here, and you just broke the spell. And now all I can see is what's wrong. But I'm like, no, we need to rip that band aid right off so we can have another attacker and try and score. Yeah, like, let's go.

[Valerie]

Right, so. Which, turns out, you were right in this situation. And I wish I had done that, because the entire time I was. Until, like, the airport, I was like, I think we can turn it around. And we, like, went to a beach club. And I was like, see, this is a. We're having a great day. This works. And we, like, went. Had, like, a nice dinner. And, you know, the whole time I was like, let's. I. The, like, my effort was like, let's turn it around. Even if we just have one amazing day.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

Where we're like, actually, the whole thing was worth that one amazing day.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I. That's all. I remember the good parts now. Now I think of that trip as, like, Yeah. I remember there are things I didn't like, but I also remember that it was a good trip. I'm glad I went.

[Valerie]

But what I was going to say is, what I learned from you is actually the. The best way we could have turned it around was calling it early on, hold the goalie and being like, the. These things are shitty. Right. And then laughing about it the rest of the time.

[Pete Holmes]

Here's. I. I love that. And when you told me that the first time, because we have already talked about this, I was like, I love that. I don't feel vindicated or, like, one up or, like, I got a point or anything. And that's a real testament to how well we love each other and how well you love me is that there isn't, like, a score where I'm like, thank you. Thank you. But I joked with you, in any sitcom, if the wife was like, you were right. I would, like, look up from my newspaper, like, finally I come up. And that's not what I'm saying. But what I'm realizing, what I'm saying is, it's great to not feel that way, but. Sorry, I'm trying to hold on to this, realizing in this conversation that the strategy of pull the goalie, let's stop defending it, and let's attack it. You pull your defense, the goalie.

[Valerie]

That's right.

[Pete Holmes]

This trip is good. This trip is fine. I love seaweed. Pull the goalie, stop defending.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Start attacking, literally, another attacker on the ice. Let's try and score.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Stop protecting this and start trying to score. And I can't believe how perfect that analogy is.

[Valerie]

It. Is it. That's exactly right. And the. The thing that is required that I think is really hard for a lot of people and was hard for me, is that in order to pull the defense, you have to pull the goalie. You first have to go, we're losing. And we're actually likely to lose this game. Yeah. And that is the hardest thing to admit.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And so that's great.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that. By the way, listen to that. It's called Malcolm Gladwell's 12 Rules for Life that episode. Because I won't go into it here, but, like, there's all these very interesting situations where the unpopular thing, like, saying, I think this isn't working is the right thing to do mathematically. And one of them is pulling the goalie. You're supposed to pull everyone. This is a little taste. Everyone always pulls the goalie when there's a minute left in the fourth quarter or the third period, and it's like, no, actually, mathematically if you're down 2 to nothing, you should pull the goalie immediately. And there is a greater chance that you'll lose 14 to 0, but there's a greater chance that you'll actually score.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

It's so interesting.

[Valerie]

Yeah, it's really cool.

[Pete Holmes]

Check that out.

[Valerie]

Check that out. All right. Is that enough for you?

[Pete Holmes]

Is that enough for. Did we give enough?

[Valerie]

I've had enough. Just kidding. Thank you for listening, always. You sweetie babies.

[Pete Holmes]

You sweet, sweet babies with the tight buns.

[Valerie]

Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just saying.

[Valerie]

Defying.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what? You know what? You know, it's a big laugh line. I. It didn't make the special, but I go, I talk about how I love you for who you are on the inside. And then I added. It wasn't in the taping, but I go, don't get me wrong. I objectify the shit out of her.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And. And it's. It's an interesting turn in, like, whatever theory that is, if it's feminism or sexuality or whatever. But people are like, yes, we're subtle enough now that we're like, yeah. There's a time when you're supposed to just be like, hobo. Hobo.

[Valerie]

Absolutely. I love being objectified by you.

[Pete Holmes]

Are we done? Are we done?

[Valerie]

Our mateys keep it crispy.

[Pete Holmes]

Very good.