We Made It Weird #232 (Not a re-release!)

Summary

Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Episode: We Made It Weird #232

Date: November 14, 2025

Host: Pete Holmes
Co-Host: Valerie (Val)

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Main Theme & Purpose

This episode—originally intended as a re-release—becomes a spontaneous, in-the-moment conversation between Pete Holmes and his wife and frequent co-host, Val. The show centers on their relationship dynamic, communication styles, emotional patterns (especially around conflict and sensitivity), how their creative and personal rhythms mesh or clash, and reflections on self-love and creating comedy. As always, the tone is warm, irreverent, deeply personal, and frequently veers into silly riffs, tender admissions, and self-aware humor.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Behind-the-Scenes Relationship Dynamics

• Setting the Scene:
  Pete and Val explain they're recording late at night, just before a big trip to New York for Pete’s shows, leading to tiredness and stress.
• Conflict Deconstruction:
  They break down a recent micro-argument about when to record the podcast, using it as a springboard to discuss communication differences, emotional wiring, and the needs of creative/intense personalities.
  • Pete describes getting thrown off when his “momentum” is interrupted (especially by logistics or alternative suggestions).
  • Val needs cocooning and is sensitive to last-minute plan changes.

"I have a certain special purpose...it's a gift, it's a calling." – Pete, reflecting on having ADD and his creative focus (06:36)

2. ADD, Sensitivity, and Creative Life

• Pete’s Sensitivities:
  Pete draws analogies to having a “little flickering flame” of mania/motivation that feels easily extinguished by interruptions, logistics, or dissent—a dynamic that both he and Val sometimes struggle with.
• Val’s Perspective:
  Val emphasizes her need for setup and comfort (“I need to feel like I’m set up...even watching 30 Rock, I need my thing”).
  Both are highly sensitive and creative; discussions highlight how these features help and hinder both artistic life and partnership.

"I'm such a finicky bitch...if I'm like 'it's time to make a cake' and you're like, 'let's clean up the car first'—the cake is gone." – Pete (07:27)

3. The Anatomy of Couple Fights ("Lovers' Spit-take")

• Why We Provoke Each Other:
  Both admit to sometimes poking or guilt-tripping the other during spats—often out of a subconscious desire to have the other person “feel bad” too.
• Manipulation & Vulnerability:
  Pete jokes about almost deploying tears for effect (but not being that “evil”), while Val analyzes her own motivations around mentioning things like unwashed dishes.
• Timing Conflicts:
  Val tells a formative story about wanting to rest over spring break and her mom’s last-minute plans (47:03), linking it to adult frustrations over disrupted downtime.

"I want to hurt you, you want to hurt me...my coup de grace was the tears that weren't anywhere near coming, but I could feel they're on deck." – Pete (13:19)

4. Gender, Friendship & Self-Analysis

• Friendships Across Genders:
  Pete ponders his comfort around women, admitting he feels most at ease with female comedians (as “fellow warriors”).
• Family Dynamics:
  Pete and Val discuss patterns rooted in their relationships with their mothers—each had a mom who poured everything into the family, which colors their desires to maintain individuality outside parenthood.

"The ones you have the hardest time with are friends that remind you of your mother." – Val (30:06)

5. Thirds in Relationships & Keeping Romance Alive

• Romantic Health:
  The couple appreciates Esther Perel's idea of the “third” (an outside energy that invigorates a relationship, not necessarily romantic/sexual). Sometimes the “third” is Pete’s career, sometimes a celebrity, sometimes just imagination.
• Playfulness:
  They riff on sharing crushes, impersonating fantasy lovers, and how these things bring spark, laughter, and intimacy.

"I think it is a real key to keeping our love alive." – Val, on their flirty, role-play dynamic (37:33)

6. Sensitivity as a Feature of Artistry

• Creative Temperament:
  Pete references Eddie Murphy’s documentary (25:26, 58:55), using Murphy’s sensitivity as evidence that intense feelings power comedy and artistry.
• Their Daughter’s Sensitivity:
  The couple describes a mini-incident with their daughter getting upset when applauded at the wrong moment, seeing it as a generational throughline for “sensitive artist types.”

7. Self-Love & Nostalgia

• Watching Old Vines:
  Pete recounts watching a YouTube compilation of his old Vine videos and being overcome with joy and laughter. Val and her brother marvel at Pete’s ability to truly love his own work.
• Reflection:
  They encourage artists and self-expressive folks to find delight in their creations, not just critical distance.

"I thought I knew what people meant when they said they loved themselves, but I wasn't even scratching the surface." – Val’s brother, after seeing Pete laugh at his own Vines (70:20)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On ADD and Cooking Metaphors
  "If I'm like, it's time to make a cake, and you're like, 'let's clean up the car first.' The cake is gone."
  – Pete (07:27)
• On Relationship Spats
  "I want to hurt you, you want to hurt me...my coup de grace was the tears that weren't anywhere near coming, but I could feel they're on deck."
  – Pete (13:19)
• On Friendship with Women
  "I can't be friends with breasts...I'm telling you, there's something very sleeper-ingrained in me."
  – Pete (27:45, self-aware and comedic)
• On Keeping Romance Alive
  "I think it is a real key to keeping our love alive."
  – Val (37:33)
• On Parenting & Creative Fulfillment
  "There’s no greater burden a parent can put on a child than the unfulfilled dream of the parent."
  – Pete (41:58)
• Val on Change of Plans Anxiety
  "I don’t love a last minute change of plan. Especially when the plan is to relax."
  – Val (45:20)
• On Sensitivity and Artistic Temperament
  "The most sensitive person is the best...Leela, obviously, her whole life is a work of art."
  – Pete (59:12)
• On Self-Love and Comedy
  "I thought I knew what people meant when they said they loved themselves, but I wasn't even scratching the surface."
  – Val's brother (70:20)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening/Set up – Inside their day & recording context: 01:31–05:15
• Relationship conflict & communication differences: 03:44–15:25
• ADD, sensitivity, and creative routines: 05:15–12:23
• Discussion on spats/manipulation/emotional patterns: 12:09–16:28
• Gender & comedic friendships: 27:37–31:34
• Parenthood, creativity, and individuality: 41:58–45:44
• Val’s spring break story / sensitivity to plan changes: 45:13–48:18
• Revelations about 'special needs' and hyper-sensitivity: 55:09–58:10
• Parenting, legacy, and creative 'pain bodies': 58:21–61:22
• Nostalgia: watching old Vines & discussion of self-love: 66:32–71:16

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Final Thoughts

The episode is a masterclass in real-time, good-humored couple’s therapy for creative weirdos. Pete and Val dissect their “spit-take” of a nightly argument, explore what it means to be in love as sensitive, divergent thinkers, and ultimately celebrate the joys of loving oneself, one's craft, and one another—even when sharing a life gets a little weird.

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Keep it crispy!

Transcript

[A]

Hey there, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus. I'm back with a new season of Wiser Than Me, the show where I sit down with remarkable older women and soak up their stories, their humor, and their hard earned wisdom. Every conversation leaves me a little smarter and definitely more inspired. And yes, I'm still calling my 91 year old mom Judy to get her take on it all. Wiser Than Me from Lemonade Media premieres November. Wherever you get your podcasts.

[B]

It'S morning in New York. Hey, everybody, I'm Mandy Patinkin.

[A]

And I'm Kathryn Grody. And we have a new podcast, it's.

[B]

Called don't listen to Us.

[A]

Many of you have asked for our advice.

[B]

Tell me, what is wrong with you people. Don't listen to us. Our take it or leave it advice.

[A]

Show is out every Wednesday, premiering October 15th.

[B]

A Lemonada Media original. Lemonada. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[A]

What's happening, weirdos? You stepped on my line.

[B]

What's happening, weirdos?

[A]

I have one job.

[B]

You have one job. And I almost. Well, it's because it's a re release. It's not a. We made it weird with regrets. Yeah, with some serious regrets.

[A]

Sure. You're sure?

[B]

Well, Val and I are traveling. We're going to New York. So if you actually hear this the day it comes out, My show at Town hall is tonight. My show in New Jersey, in Atlantic City at Harrah's Resort is tomorrow. So I'm on these. We are both on the East Coast.

[A]

I'm there.

[B]

You're there, baby.

[A]

I'm there, baby.

[B]

Mama's coming out. Mama doesn't care.

[A]

Mama seeing three Broadway shows at once. All at once.

[B]

Oh, wow. Like Elvis when He watched the three. Well, he watched. I think he watched three TVs, which at the time was considered to be quite like, oh, my God, he watched.

[A]

Three TVs at once.

[B]

The word depraved.

[A]

Depraved. No, I don't know. I don't really know what obtuse.

[B]

Obtuse just means dim.

[A]

Oh, I believe. I think. I thought obtuse meant like loud and obnoxious.

[B]

I think you're seeing obscene, maybe. Obtuse. I might be wrong, by the way.

[A]

No, that sounds right. I was just reminiscing with my brother about how I never knew what vis a vis meant. And I. And I told him that, and I said, don't tell me what it means. And just throughout our life, I'm gonna try to use it in the right context. Can you tell me if it was right.

[B]

Yeah, that's good. I like that. Do you now you now know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And for those of you that care, I was correct about vis a vis.

[A]

About vis a vis.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

About obtuse.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Now I think we could, like, do an episode.

[A]

I feel like, okay, let's do it.

[B]

This was going to be a re. Release, but I feel like we could do it. Like, I'm vibing Val and I just had a huge. I don't know what you would call it.

[A]

Were you gonna say fight?

[B]

No, I wouldn't say huge fight.

[A]

I know. I was really surprised.

[B]

We had a huge. I was gonna. But I couldn't find the word. Like, when I couldn't find obtuse. Vis a vis. It was a. It was a moment where our sensitivities collided.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where you're feeling very tired.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm feeling. This is just so us. You've been. You've been going. You've been getting it today.

[A]

I've been working hard, trying to get ready to go out of town.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you have been too, like, you know, this evening, but then also mentally preparing for going to New York where you have a lot of stuff ahead.

[B]

It is a lot.

[A]

It's like a big trip for you.

[B]

In a great way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

By the way, that's like my bit about the kid. Like. Like, kids just really want to be like, I gotta be on a flight.

[A]

I know. You can't.

[B]

You were making me.

[A]

No, you were making me laugh the other day, remember?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. When I was like, I gotta go.

[A]

And, like, kissing me, like, I have to go.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it's good in moments when you're. And this. That's actually not to love my own bit, but, like, that's a really nice reframing of how I feel now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which is what I was saying to you was. I was like, tomorrow we're traveling. So we were talking about when to do the podcast. It is 8pm, which is late.

[A]

Yeah, it's late.

[B]

And this is our 30 rock time. We're so.

[A]

And we're such about our 30 rocks.

[B]

We want it.

[A]

We really, like, I. I get so upset when I can't do blue couch time is what we actually call it bct. And, like, I'll try to not schedule.

[B]

Things, but that's why. And I get. You know me, I'm real. I'm a. I'm like a sprinter, kind of.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we were doing bedtime with Leila, and I was like, oh, my God, I think I can do it. Like, I feel centered. I have things I want to talk about. If Val's down, we could do it now. And I got really excited, and you didn't even, like, resist that very much. You just kind of were like, oh, man, this day never stops. And then I started talking about, like, an ad. This is almost over, by the way. This is so boring. We'll just be silly and have fun. But I'm like, we started talking about, like, oh, we need to do the ads, like, a little bit later because of a new ad structure thing. And then you started telling me about what other podcasts do, and I'm so sensitive. I'm like, why aren't you just doing what I said? Like, please don't chunk my dunk. But what it is. And you know this what it is, I don't. It's not that I need everyone to agree with me. It's that. And I know there's a lot of people out there with ADD that agree that know what I'm talking about. I have a certain special purpose.

[A]

Yeah. It's a gift. It's a call.

[B]

It's a gift. It's a calling. That's a Seinfeld and a Steve Martin in one.

[A]

My. My wedding ring just fell off.

[B]

Telling.

[A]

No.

[B]

How distracting. Like, the sound of someone else dropping a cell phone on an airplane stresses everyone out. Oh, my God, everyone hates it.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

It's like how your baby's cry stresses you out. Like, it's genetic when you someone. That sound of the dull thud of a cell phone hitting an airplane floor.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Especially during takeoff, where, you know, that phone belongs to the 32nd row now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That ain't your phone anymore. I hope you have a good plan. When's this rip over?

[A]

I don't know. I thought it earlier than it was.

[B]

You can get that ring. Are you going to get it? All right. Mama's coming out. Mama doesn't care.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, it is an ADD thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

This is actually helpful. I'm glad we're unpacking this, because I didn't know why I was having such a strong reaction to what felt like, to me, like someone putting a stick in the spoke of my bicycle. Which I know you weren't, obviously, but I'm like, okay, I think. And didn't I say that to you? I was like, I think I can carry the episode. Like, you can just be your charming, wonderful self. I have enough things to share. We'll just bang it out. And then you said, that you start talking about what other podcasts do and when they put the ads and whether or not we should even be throwing to the ads, because other podcasts don't throw the ads. And while you're saying that all that's happening is like a beautiful underwater sandcastle is in my mind is being washed away. Because you're just. I'm such a finicky bitch that, like, if I'm like, it's time to make a cake, and you're like, okay, but let's clean up the car first. The cake is gone.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And I'm just so sad about the cake. And I was right. Look, I'm doing the episode. Like, I'm enjoying this. I'm glad that you're here, and it's okay. And I will do the most of the lifting. And I will do the most of the lifting.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

We can talk about the chair company. We can talk about.

[A]

Yeah, no, listen. Shut up, shut up, shut up. I do. You know, it's crazy because obviously, from my perspective in that moment, I re. It really like you retelling it, I think is very telling. That it felt so telling. Long to you. Like, it was like. Because it definitely wasn't. It was like three sentences.

[B]

No time. I'm. Thank you. Yeah, because like, if we had doctors analyzing that and it wasn't a fight. It was just this weird chunk. I didn't know how to. It's just.

[A]

But see, this is. This is what I mean.

[B]

So I would have said it was 20 minutes.

[A]

I.

[B]

And it was seven minutes.

[A]

And you know, at this point, if you've listened to these episodes for any stretch of time, you know that this is one of our things. Is that you.

[B]

Even when you Peter.

[A]

You Peter. When we decide to do a podcast, you go, okay. And you put headphones on and sit down and. And then I'm like, you're making. Getting tea. I'm getting a blanket.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm getting like, I'm get. I need. I. My part. Like, in order for me to contribute, I need to feel like I'm set up. I'm like this with everything. Even sitting on the couch to watch 30 Rock. I'm like, I need to have my thing.

[B]

Yes. And remember to be situated.

[A]

It matters a lot. No, I get it that I'm situated.

[B]

Baby, I love you. I don't wanna change any of that. And it's also funny to me. Remember, you were like, there's dishes. There's still dishes. You sort of.

[A]

I'm taking full.

[B]

Do you remember what I. Sorry.

[A]

I'm just taking full inventory of, like, the whole surroundings so I can get situated.

[B]

The dishes on the desk of my insane empire was a huge mobilization of a hostile force. I felt like homeboy. Canadian filmmaker Matt Johnson. And without even knowing him very well, I feel like he would understand how I felt. Meaning when you said, and the dishes still need. These dishes are going to be the death of me. Like, we can't. I still have to do the dishes.

[A]

And say the dishes are going to be the death.

[B]

I know I'm making it worse. But then I said, I reject your premise. I said, yes, I reject your premise that the dishes are some insurmountable obstacle. It's just not. That is the voice of mania. And that's what I'm. Mania is like this little flickering flame, and I just feel like everyone's blowing and raining, and I'm just like. I just wanna go. And you're like, dishes. And I go. I reject the premise. And I'm like, I'll do the dishes, and then it'll be out of spite. Which are the cleanest dishes I know? Beautiful clean dishes. It's like the cleanest dish. I'll scrub everyone. And I see it with the power of sp. And then you. I think you implied I wouldn't.

[A]

Yeah, right. Then I was mad.

[B]

I know. And I'm hurt you're getting a little mad. And, like, what I noticed about the altercation was that I want you to feel bad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I know I'm just being.

[A]

Everybody does in every altercation. I know.

[B]

But as I'm doing it, I'm like, why am I doing.

[A]

Why do you think I mentioned the dishes? I wanted you to feel bad, like I want. I mean, I don't.

[B]

Thank you for your clarity. I mean it because. I mean it because I kept being like, the. The. The coup de grace. I don't know what that means. Vis a vis. The coup de grace. I don't know. A coup de gras.

[A]

Is it creme de la creme? Who knows?

[B]

I feel like it's the last, the penultimate is the coup de grace.

[A]

Your guess is as good as my coup de grace.

[B]

Sounds like a Larry the Cable Guy is like. And she had a cooter grow. You know what I mean?

[A]

No. Yeah, because it's like crawdaddy.

[B]

It's a crawdad cooter grow. And let me just say. Well, here's what it is. It's a Larry the Cable Guy movie.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I say coup de gras and he goes, I had a cousin that had a coup de gras. She said without it, it would sag. It was a bra for her cooter, but she called it a gra. That was just her jaw. Her cooter, Joe. Okay, all I'm saying is the Larry.

[A]

The two Cable Guy movie is not very good.

[B]

This is on the editing room floor. I want to hurt you. You want to hurt me. Oh, my coup de grace was the tears that weren't near, anywhere near coming. But I could feel, you know when you feel they're on deck? Because I. But. But I'm not that awful. You know what I'm saying? No, what I'm saying is, like, a real manipulator might have gone like, oh, I think I could cry. I'm gonna go for it.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Like a real psycho.

[A]

That would be psycho.

[B]

I've never in my life. I'm telling you, this is after the fact. I realized I could have gone for it in the moment. I didn't even consider it. It's like when someone's like, should we use nuclear weapons? And you're like, what? No, all I'm saying is. I was like, baby, if we don't record it tonight, tomorrow we're traveling. We'll get to the hotel. It'll be a laptop episode. It's not as good as when we have our microphones sitting across from each other. Just never as good. And then I was like, and we'll be exhausted from a long day of travel. Who gets into New York? Then I was like, and then the next day, I have Good morning, New York, which you didn't even know I had.

[A]

No.

[B]

Which was such a. That was little parsley on the plate. When I was like, I'm doing Good morning, New York. I say, with stress.

[A]

You guys, this is so fun, because this literally happened 10 minutes ago.

[B]

And then I was like, and then instead of resting and exercising before my show, I guess we'll just turn it on for a podcast.

[A]

And then.

[B]

And then I was like. And then I'm thinking, we could do it the next day. But no, I have to drive three hours to go to Atlantic City to do another show. And then on the way back, I'm going to do Mike Propiglia's podcast. Like, just talk about a clown being like. And then I have my balloon animal convention and these big floppy shoes. The TSA always takes them. So now I'm in Manhattan shopping for big flops. Yes, we call them big flops in the biz.

[A]

But I was Also a little bitch in that moment and said, but I also did mean it because I felt like you were being. You were.

[B]

I was.

[A]

You were exaggerating because I was like, I think you'll. I think you'll have time still to exercise, unless. Good. Good Morning New York ends at 3pm by the way.

[B]

This is. Think of like a Marisa Tomei character that might, like, throw a plate at their lover in a spat.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Our version of you throwing a plate at me was you saying, I'm pretty sure. Good morning, New York. Good morning New York doesn't rap at 3pm People are not clear. Yeah, people are not acting. This is why Scientology works. They're like, you are not clear. Like, that's a great.

[A]

When you're upset, you're not clear.

[B]

No, I'm just saying, like, let me finish the riff because that was confusing. I'm just saying Scientology has a good hook. Have you. Have you know, the Hasidic branch of Scientology psychology? Is that okay?

[A]

I'm sure.

[B]

I think it's okay.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Click Click Africa. Not so good. What don't you click Click Africa? There was a time when Click click Africa. I'm saying, if you're doing an app. Wow. Do you even know what I'm saying?

[A]

No.

[B]

Well, save your offense until you know.

[A]

Like, what I'm saying. Well, yeah, because I don't want to.

[B]

Doing an impression of an African language and you do clicks. Oh, it was what? It was what you thought I'm saying. Click Click Africa is not okay. Is it bad that I'm clicking water in her mouth? So your issue is that I'm calling the offensive category Click Click Africa. I'm saying it's not cool.

[A]

The journey I went on of being like, wait, this is a trap. I'm not going to tell you what I'm guessing because it was that. Because it was that. And then I'm going to feel terrible, and then I take a sip of water and then you say, say exactly.

[B]

The words that I refused that you didn't say. And I said them in defense of my position. It's like. No, no, no. I'm saying the correct.

[A]

I almost did a real spit take. It took all my effort.

[B]

Can I tell you something as a comedian?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Don't want it.

[A]

Don't want to spit take.

[B]

Never have.

[A]

I love a spit take. Are you kidding me? Do you remember when you were a kid and you're like, friend's milk came out of their nose?

[B]

Can I just say, this is going to seem out of nowhere but Matt McCarthy and I, who. He just did the podcast, and we talk about. Whenever we're backstage, we're always riffing about being able to suck your own D. Yeah. I don't know why that became the riff. It's just a way of blowing off steam. Then at one point, Matt is like, I know a guy who can do it. And then we were. He was like, what is it amazing? Are you the king? Are you just at home? And he goes, I'll tell you what. It's a lot less like having your dick sucked and a lot more like sucking a dick.

[A]

Sucking a dick. Of course it is.

[B]

And a spit take is a lot like milk on my couch. Milk on my jeans. Milk on my jeans.

[A]

Are you imagining the spit is the.

[B]

It might hit me.

[A]

No. And that it's milk and not water.

[B]

Let's say it's water.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's still.

[A]

Still milk of my jeans.

[B]

It still might as well be a milk of my jeans. I'm just saying, like, there's so. I'm not even a germaphobe, Howie Mandel. I am not. I'm just saying, like, so much happens. It's too much.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Here's what it is.

[A]

It's taking the attention away from you.

[B]

That's great. That's fantastic. Because what I was gonna say if the elevator doors were closing and I only had a moment to tell you why I don't like spit takes is I'd go, it's too much like a sneeze. Oh, but really, it's. Oh, you made this about you. Yeah, but really, you should be. It's like knocking out another boxer's mouthpiece. You punched him so hard, his little.

[A]

Yeah, you should be. And then it's to me. I categorize it in the same category.

[B]

As you think would be doing this on a laptop. Do you think would be achieving this level of rapport on a laptop on a hotel bed?

[A]

We'll go back to that for sure, but I lost it. What was it?

[B]

I don't know. First ad break.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Here it is.

[A]

Is it 10 minutes?

[B]

It's been 18 minutes now. It's a proper mid roll.

[A]

Oh, my God. Has it really been 18 minutes?

[B]

Go to peteholmes.com this was all the intro. It was a ruse, but we'll be right back. Go to PeteHomes.com for my tour dates. It was a ruse. I'm in New York tonight. Val's going to be there. Come to the show PeteHomes.com this episode is brought to us by our [e-mail]. this ever happened to you? You ever fall in love with a couch or a lamp online and then your soul leaves your body when you see the price tag? That happens to everybody. And that is where dupe.com comes in. I've been using dupe and it is awesome. You just type dupe.com before any product link and boom. It does all the work for you. It shows you similar, more affordable versions. I'm talking same vibe, same quality, sometimes even the exact same thing. Just not marked up with a fancy label. Because you find a chair you want, it's too expensive, you type in dupe.com and then the link for that chair, they find you the same chair, half price. Now you can buy two and make that breakfast. Nook sing baby. It's totally free. No signup, no weird pop ups. You can even add the browser extension or grab the app. So stop overpaying for a name. Decorate your home of your dreams without going broke. Go to dupe.com today and start saving. That's-P E dot com. It's free, it's easy, and honestly, it's a little bit addictive. Try it. Hey, you ever notice how every supplement brand on Instagram is like, hey, check it out, we've unlocked the ancient secret of life. But then you check the label and it says like proprietary blend or something vague like that, which is code for like trust. Trust us. Trust us, bro. I'm done with mystery powders, which is why I like ritual. I love ritual. I've been taking them for years and they're essential for men. Multivitamin is actually science backed and traceable, which means they literally show you where every ingredient comes from. The source, the supplier, the research, it's all right there. No snake oil, no wizard's breath behind the curtain. These capsules are gentle on the stomach and they've got this light, minty taste that makes the whole experience surprisingly pleasant and something I look forward to. It's got key nutrients like omega 3 DHA to support heart and brain health, vitamin D3 to support normal muscle and immune function. And I see the difference in my blood work when I go to the doctor. I'm speaking for me personally. It's made a huge difference. And because ritual has made traceable vegan, non GMO project certified gluten and major allergen free, even third party tested for heavy metals, I can actually trust what I'm putting in my body. So check it out. Get 25% off your first month for a limited [e-mail] weird. That's ritual.com weird for 25% off your first month. This episode is brought to us by our friends at Kenobody. The maker of the supplements that have really been turning my life around in a major way. Found out that there was a study that discovered between 1987 and 2004, men's average testosterone dropped about 1% prevention per year. That means today men have about 40% lower testosterone than their grandfathers did in the 80s. I didn't even know that was a thing. I went to the doctor. They would tell me I was normal, low on testosterone. But now that I've been supplementing it, it explains a lot. That feeling, tired, dull, just kind of off, has a lot to do with testosterone. Thankfully, Kenobody is here to help. I've been taking their supplement, Mojo for testosterone. And yeah, it's the perfect name because it brings your mojo back. Since starting it, I've noticed a huge difference. More energy, better workouts, sharper focus and blood flow. And yes, wink, wink, that means boner city. This isn't just an ad. It's 100% my experience. I feel motivated, creative, more driven. Mojo gives your body the nutrients to naturally boost your testosterone, lower your cortisol, and get your edge back. I love all their supplements. I take Mojo, shred, nitro. I love Keno octane as well, which is their pre workout. That gives you an amazing euphoric energy that carries you through your workouts and helps you go that extra mile. So weirdos, you get 20% off your first order. Go to kinobody.com and use promo code WEIRD. That's kinobody.com promo code WEIRD. All right, we're back. Keep going. Hotel bed was something you said you wanted to get too?

[A]

No, that was the thing that distracted me. I can't remember what I was saying, though, because everything is falling, falling out of my brain.

[B]

Because it's a spit take.

[A]

Oh, I put it in the same category as, like, laughing so hard you fart. Like, I just love, like, involuntary reaction.

[B]

Okay, well, that actually makes me question. I. I liked the idea and it sounds like me that I wouldn't like a spit take because it makes it about them now. Wet Johnny is the hero of the afternoon.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

All he did was lose control of his faculties.

[A]

Yeah, I'm the star, baby.

[B]

This is why we have agents. My agent would be like, actually, he needs to be wiped down and removed. I also want to say I'm watching the Eddie Murphy documentary oh. Which I didn't think I would love.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm Dracula dead and loving it. It's on netflix.com and they talk about they briefly. I think he's got to be an executive producer because it's not really, like, too exposing, but. But it's still wonderful. But there's a moment where they allude to the fact that Eddie Murphy can be difficult to work with if you're not ready to go and prepared. And I was like, that's an add.

[A]

Yeah, that makes sense.

[B]

I'm not saying I'm Eddie Murphy. I'm saying he doesn't want you making tea if he's there. I guess I am saying I'm Eddie.

[A]

Murphy, but this is also. This is.

[B]

No, just saying we have that in common. Scatterbrain. Ready to go. Want to go? And if you say the dishes need to be done, I could see Eddie Murphy being like, I reject your premise.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. But also. Yes. Okay. Twofold. The dishes thing. Like, me mentioning that is me being a little turd and saying, like, I want. I. I want you to know that I'm. What I'm sacrificing. Like, I want.

[B]

I'm not gonna do your dishes.

[A]

And then just that, like, why didn't.

[B]

You just say after I cooked the dinner. Yeah, I can't believe I'm doing dishes after. After I made the dinner.

[A]

That's so. That's a synchronicity, because our beloved friend Sam is one of our closest friends, and he is, like, the other person in the friend group who cooks for the friends. It's like him or I. It's him more often than me. But I got an ad on Instagram that was like, a 50s housewife. Like, a drawing. It was for a shirt with, like, a drawing of a 50s housewife with a turkey. And it said, sure, I'll cook for you assholes. And I said. I sent that to him and said, should we get this shirt for each other? And he said, does it say on the back and then I'll do all the dishes too?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's like, an insane synchronicity.

[B]

Well, I hope they don't mind me saying, but salmon Smell as we spam and spell Smell, as I call them, because I just can't help but stand out.

[A]

Yeah. Salmon, Ariella are their real names, but I just.

[B]

But shine, and they're bad nicknames. Sam becomes Spam and Ariella becomes Smell, which was her nickname in college. I just borrowed it. Yeah, just went ahead and borrowed it. Anyway, they are the Couple. That is probably. They have similarities to us.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I. And Ariel and I get along really well.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's very rare. I'm just saying. Yeah.

[A]

Especially.

[B]

I'm not proud of this. But especially with women. I don't. It's not. I love. I.

[A]

Look, I love the ladies. Nobody loves the ladies like me.

[B]

How could I hate women? Me Mom's one. What a bunch of fucking horseshit. There's probably some weird puritanical Christian thing that I'm like. I can't be friends with breasts. I'm telling you. There's something very sleeper ingrained in me. My father. I never saw my father talk to my mother. I'm just kidding. Like the idea of my father going to a casual coffee with a lady is Steve Harvey's standing ovation. Kings of comedy. Hilarious. Like that is. I would. I can't imagine it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Unless she was 90 years old and needed help. Literally with a light bulb. I couldn't see my father talking to. And this sounds misogynist. As I'm saying that. I can't stress if I'm having someone on the podcast. I prefer it to be a lady.

[A]

Mm. Okay.

[B]

Deal with that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Everyone who's a guest. Deal with that. 80% of our guests. I don't know how I'm being defensive because I don't want people to think I don't like women.

[A]

Yeah. You get along with women.

[B]

Better.

[A]

Better. But I guess. Yeah. It is interesting. You do have this sort of thing.

[B]

I mean, sex will always get in the way.

[A]

There are certain friends that we have.

[B]

Sally. That's not my opinion.

[A]

You would get lunch with. That's just. That are just women. But it's rare. It's rare for sure.

[B]

Who.

[A]

Jamie Lee. Dated her.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Jamie Lee. Thank you. I didn't know who you meant.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I didn't mean like wrong. Who. It did come out that way. But I'm also awful to women.

[A]

Meaning you.

[B]

I'm just. Just a real bad.

[A]

It's a real piece of.

[B]

Just a real piece of. Now. Jamie Lee.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. And any comedian.

[A]

Yeah. Any.

[B]

Any female comedian.

[A]

Lara Bites. Any. Any comedian.

[B]

Beth Stelling.

[A]

Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. So it is. That's interesting. That is like it. Being a comedian makes it different somehow in your mind. It's like comedian women have three categories. Your mother, your girlfriend, or a fellow comedian.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Because the ones who you have the hardest time with are. Are friends that remind you of your mother.

[B]

Well, no. I worry. And we. It took me a long time to uncover this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I get. And I feel this way about men as well. If I meet you, you're in my thing now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And my piece of paper isn't very big, and now your name is on that paper. And if, if you're. And forgive me, this is a little. But I'll. I'll feel even worse if it's a woman who can't fend for herself. If I feel like she's on a bad track, her prospects are shit.

[A]

Yeah. And it could also, I. I worry.

[B]

About them so much. If it's a guy, I'm kind of like, fucking figure out you're a fucking guy. Like, at least I have that to mask my concern. It's the same level of concern that I'll mask.

[A]

Yeah, you have the concern with men too. But you're. But your mom, I mean, your dynamic with your mom was that you felt responsible for making her happy. So when we have women who seem like, you know, we're women friends who seem like martyrs or seem just like, you know, like they're struggling in any way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's really hard for you.

[B]

It can be hard.

[A]

You want to. And that's why Ariella is probably your closest.

[B]

Well, Ariella girlfriend, because she is like an executive.

[A]

She's like a fierce.

[B]

And I. And she handles it and she saves her money and she's.

[A]

She's really smart. Stands on her own.

[B]

Left. I would be like, well, that's leaving a thriving culture, a corporate culture. Why would you leave, like, you don't leave Amazon? Like, that's how I look at it in, like, a very positive way. And I don't. I do think I've tried to make this point before, and maybe it's self serving that a lot of what presents as judgment is concern that I think that let's take refugees, right? So refugees flood into, let's say, come into a country and people will stigmatize them and be like. They'll look for a way to be like, let's make it up. They're from a country called Igbos. And these Igbos. I know. I knew you were gonna think African. Click, click. I knew you were. I knew it. Why did I pick ibos? Ipobos sounds so much like, look, you guys, we're tired. We're tired. It's 8:34. This is blue couch time.

[A]

Our brains are turned off.

[B]

No sliding in dms. Being like, I've been to Uganda.

[A]

Can I say that Getting so much worse.

[B]

Is that bad?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

I'm saying I okay, I'm, I'm walking away from that whole area is okay.

[A]

It's fine.

[B]

Okay. The Abobos.

[A]

It's not funny.

[B]

The, the Abobos, which is an island off of New Zealand. Okay, come to guess what? Ireland. You thought I was going to say Miami. You didn't.

[A]

You thought. I thought you were gonna say Miami.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, like Ellie and Gonzalez. Where do refugees go? They go to Florida.

[A]

Oh no, I thought you were gonna say Africa.

[B]

Oh, that is hilarious.

[A]

I thought you were gonna double down.

[B]

Oh man, I wish I had.

[A]

No, I'm glad you did it.

[B]

Okay, so they go to Ireland. Okay. And the Irish are like.

[A]

3:30.

[B]

3:30. What time is it? 3:30 toinks, twinks. I love Glen Hansard.

[A]

I'll cut off one of my fingers every time you.

[B]

Oh, it's a reference to the banishees of Inishirin Avengers. Everyone made that joke.

[A]

Did everyone make that joke?

[B]

How dreamy is Colin, what's his name?

[A]

Farrell.

[B]

You know how I was very taken with Skeet? I think Colin Farrell is in that same category.

[A]

Yeah, a hundred percent. Yeah, yeah, you do. And that's a new type.

[B]

It's a dark haired, green eyed guy, you know.

[A]

Yeah, we both like a dark, a dark dreamy.

[B]

I like dark haired ladies as well, which is. You're my absolute favorite. But I, if you like, if you ever see me having a Diet Coke with like a Salma Hayek, well, obviously go ahead and blow dart my butt and get me out of there for my own sake. Not that Selma's even coming towards this lathering Lithuanian. But if she's saying in a weird.

[A]

I, I would.

[B]

You'd just be.

[A]

You'd have curious if you did not.

[B]

Oh, nice.

[A]

Take advantage of that. Not take advantage of her, but take advantage of that opportunity.

[B]

I understand Africa. I understand. I understand.

[A]

I, I. She's top of my list, bro.

[B]

I mean, I think we're broing out now.

[A]

We're growing out. We love, we love a dark haired lady, we love a dark haired man. And neither one of us are dark.

[B]

Well, how do we feel? I mean this. How do we feel about Javier Bardem? Because I think I'm moist.

[A]

Oh, of course.

[B]

But let's be real. No shade to Javier.

[A]

Javier.

[B]

I call Javier Javier Weinstein. Javier, Javier, Javier, Javier. I started saying the Latin countries I've been to. Yeah, I am the worst. I'm realizing in real time. Yeah, he's if Javier. This is the Hilary Swank question. If Javier wasn't famous and you Saw him, you'd still cream your jeans a hundred percent. Even though. Hello. Hello.

[A]

And you know, for me.

[B]

Hello, Valerie. Yeah, I just want to say I've been listening to. We made it, Willard. And I think it's. This is working very good the way that you really. I can feel the ampleness of your breasts when you talk. Is that true? I've never seen a photo of you. Let me look it up. Real. Hold your grandes. Stay cool, love. Stay cool, love. Go back to her. Go back to her. I mean, hello.

[A]

It's. It's just like, this is like a real window into, like, our relationship is. It's. It's like Esther Perez idea of the third, where it's like a healthy relationship doesn't. It doesn't have to actually have a third person in the relationship, but there should be at least some sort of, like, idea of the third and, like, a third person. Yeah, Just like, even. Just remembering, because it's like remembering that that is a full person who is like, a sexual being out in the world, not, like, just an extension of you that then you no longer want to have sex with because you're like, who cares? It's like sucking your own dick.

[B]

Oh, my God. So. Which is a lot, like, a lot more like sucking a dick than it is getting your dick sucked.

[A]

And. And so, like, this is a real thing. And they've seen you do this on the podcast now, where, like, if I am attracted to someone, you do an impression of them, I'll do, like, saying everything I would want them to say. And I think it is a real key to keeping our love alive. I mean, and it's okay, right? It's okay to do that accent.

[B]

I'm not even.

[A]

We can't.

[B]

No, no, no. I am. I'm going to say I don't want to live in a world where I can. In a very flattering. It's not. I think we. Look, you tell me, because I. I'm gonna. I'm gonna check myself after having wrecked myself, because I was just gonna be like, I don't want to live in a world where. I'm not gonna take that back. I'm gonna take that back.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Taking that back. And I'm asking, keeping in mind that neither you or me are in charge of this, but there's something very different than being like. You know, when you go to Spain and everybody's like, hello.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And saying, Javier Bart. Javier Bardem sounds like that. And.

[A]

Yeah, that's true.

[B]

Right?

[A]

I think so.

[B]

Pejorative. Is another word. I don't really know.

[A]

Pejorative means, like, diminishing.

[B]

Oh. I think I just thought it meant, like, making a claim about a large amount.

[A]

No, like, I. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Like, I, I just. This is me in real time. 8:41pm, realizing that I thought majority of meant. I thought they just changed it to. To make it a new word. They were like, majority of that sounds weird.

[A]

Vagina.

[B]

Like Mary J. Blige. Mary J. Blige.

[A]

Pejorative.

[B]

Pejorative. She said it and her agent didn't want to correct her. I don't want to be pejorative.

[A]

Oh, my God. I. That just made me think. I listened. And we should probably play it here. Play it to my.

[B]

You always have the best ideas.

[A]

Oh, it's so good.

[B]

I know. It's coming out very good tonight. It's a little stereotypical.

[A]

Listening to Maya Rudolph, the National anthem on snl. And it is so. What is it funny? It's Maya Rudolph. It's just a sketch where Maya Rudolph.

[B]

Wait, as Whitney Houston, though.

[A]

I, I, I. No, she's not. It's like she's just a person singing the national anthem, but she does it, like, within the song. She does it, like, 16 different ways. Like, she goes. You can't even believe.

[B]

I will watch it with you. I don't want to watch it right now.

[A]

Okay, but you should watch it and.

[B]

Everybody should watch, because I. Yes, sorry. Just to let you know, I am very interested in that, but this dynamic, I don't want to bring Maya into it.

[A]

Okay. She can't be our third right now.

[B]

Well, then the other thing I was going to say about that is, is that you've always posited another word. I don't know. I'm just kidding. You've always posited that my career is the third, which we don't even have to really go into that.

[A]

Yeah, I mean, I think there's lots of different thirds. I think you should have lots of different thirds, bro.

[B]

I can't even imagine. So the stress that I was saying to you in my. The crescendo of my wounding, my feeling wounded and then wanting to transmit it. Like, I don't want to just have this. I want you to feel it, too. So I'm going, like, here's how much I can't record a podcast in the next four days.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

And, you know, my pain body. Your thing.

[A]

That's what it is.

[B]

Our pain bodies were talking, and we talk about akimbo. You just want to be validated. For what you do. And I was also going to apologize. It's not always this way. That Val is dinner and dishes, and I'm a trip. That just so happens that that was this weekend. In fact, you just directed a commercial for the Perfect Gene, and it's amazing.

[A]

Well, thank you very much.

[B]

And I can't wait for everybody to see it.

[A]

That's.

[B]

And I will post it because I'm proud of it.

[A]

Thank you. You're very good with how it turned out, and it's really, really fun.

[B]

It's just been. Well, everybody's been listening. We should have. We should have opened with that. It's like, everybody's been listening to this. Your hobbit nature.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. And how we're. You and I, as a couple are at odds with it. Like, I like that I have my hobbit, and. But we're also, like. We talk about it all the time. There's no greater burden a parent can put on a child than the unfulfilled dream of the parent. And then it's like, we don't want to get into that. It's not just for this, but we're like, what will Leela think? And what will Leela see? And when we all got to be like, mama directed a commercial today and showed her the pictures and showed her the commercial.

[A]

Yeah. She was there. Yeah. I know that felt. I felt really proud of that. And then I tried to, like, tell her, like, I made this. I feel really proud of it because I want her to do that with the stuff that she makes, you know, Like. Because she can kind of be, like, it's not good enough, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I want her to, like, see me do things. Yeah. Oh, and also, just the. Like, there was something about the unfulfilled. Oh. Just to say that, like, I have great friends who really are like, the. They're like, as a couple, even are like, we get all of our fulfillment from our kids and from being a family, and. And then they, like, work to support that, because that is really, like, where they get all the juice. And I think that's beautiful. I just want to acknowledge that there. There are people that feel that way. I think it's beautiful, and I think it's also totally beautiful and okay to be like. What I have realized is, like, that's not a. That's not enough for me. I am obsessed with Leela and our family, of course. But, like, I do have these other things that I want to do and these other sides of me. It's like, Very important to me that I keep my multi dimensions.

[B]

Of course. And you and I were both wounded in that way. Yeah. That's why I. Oh yeah.

[A]

I don't feel. But defensive.

[B]

I'm really jumping in here. And. And we both. Look, I. I've been really softening towards my parents and feeling a lot of love and gratitude towards them while also acknowledging all sorts, you know, the reality. There's. I'm not gaslighting myself, but I'm just like. There was a lot of love and goodness and it's also like we both. Do you mind if I say we both sort of had moms that were like, I'll give it all to the kids.

[A]

Yes. Yeah.

[B]

And boy, you know, I'm not saying you have to be a short filmmaker and then later a filmmaker. Oh, sorry. I just peaked three years into the future.

[A]

All right, all right, all right, all right.

[B]

I'm just saying even my mom with the church, when my mom kind of like tapped out of the church, that was sort of like a. What?

[A]

Yeah, which I.

[B]

Which is fine. I'm just saying like. Yeah, it's good to have some interest, you know. And my mom, I'm sure she does. Maybe she does. I don't know. Maybe. Maybe she does.

[A]

Okay, wait, let's go back to our. Whatever we're calling it because our spat. Who are our lovers spat? Because I have two points of order.

[B]

Our lovers spit, take one is.

[A]

I just had a real epiphery. Just kidding. Yeah.

[B]

Is that Admire Rudolph's national anthem?

[A]

No, but that's basically the gist. It's stuff like that. No, I think it's in hook. He says epiphany wrong in a adorable way. Anyway, I. I was not triggered, but like one of my things. And this it tra. It like. I don't want to say triggered again, but it. I thought of it when you like said the hobbit thing is like one of my things. Always has been. I don't love a last minute change of plan. And especially when the plan is to relax. And what came to mind all of a sudden was one of the like big con family conflicts, in my opinion in my like teenage years was that I was buying my grandpa's car who lived in San Diego, which is all the way on the other side of California. I was living in Northern California and San Diego is at the bottom of California and I had a spring break coming up and I was just like so stressed out about high school. I was always stressed out, always having these like anxiety dreams about like, carrying a backpack that's like way too heavy and was, you know, I was just like stressed and obviously like really looked forward to breaks. And I was just like, I'm gonna sleep all of my spring break. And then like last minute, my mom was like, I have an idea. We'll take the train down and go pick up your car and drive back and we'll like spend your whole spring break doing that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I. I don't know how I communicated it. It certainly wasn't like a cool, angsty teenager. It was some version of like a puddly mess of like a passive aggressive, like, I. Okay. Yeah, I think we could probably. I just really wanted to rest and I, you know, whatever.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then, and then my mom sort.

[B]

Of like, this is what happened tonight.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm like in the mood for a road trip. And you're like, I really just wanted.

[A]

And I really just fall asleep during.

[B]

The second episode of 30 Rock.

[A]

He thought I was minutes away from that. And it like, it really puts me in a zone where I'm just like, well, okay, let me just like recalibrate. And I had moments where like, when I was like doing my little, like, thing of getting situated where I was like, I have to go get a sweater. And you're like sitting in front of the microphone waiting for me. And I went upstairs and there was a thing that I ended up saying to you that I was like, don't say oh. I was like, why does he want to do this? We have all day on Friday.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then. And then I gave myself the note. I was like, don't say it. Like, just don't say that. Because if he wanted to do it on Friday, we would do it Friday.

[B]

Yeah. And then you're getting really close as you know, which is why you did say it. Which is. I'm not mad about it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because we were playing the same game.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which is funny. I was just thinking if you use non violent communication, you'd say, I'm feeling upset because my need for understanding isn't being met. And you'd say, I'm feeling upset because my need for understanding isn't being met.

[A]

It's the same thing.

[B]

It's always respect and understanding.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think respect really is just understanding. Or I guess in this case it is. But like, you said that and that was you poking. Will you tell me what I felt in that moment is you ain't shit kind of thing. Like, you're weak.

[A]

Oh, you felt like I was saying you.

[B]

If I If we're really. I don't think you were really saying that. Yeah, but I don't think that was your intent.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But what you don't know is I'm saying I have my show that night. I need to rest. I need to listen to old sets. I need to take notes. All this stuff is just me saying. It's, it's. I would. I just did a bit about this. I'm tense.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm trying to manage tension.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I did a bit. The bit was it's not nervous. A nervous guy and a tense guy fights. The tense guy wins. Every boxer is tense. Not every boxer is nervous. And I'm very. And that's. I know that's kind of defensive, but I'm just saying I'm very tense.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's a very. It took. It was a hard earned revelation for me. For the first 15 plus years of my career, I never would have said I'm tense and I need to care for myself and I need to, like, slow down. It was all just like bravado and like nothing matters and just go, go, go. So like when you go, hey, you need, you need to rest on the day. You can't do this for an hour. It's again, it's an ad. Yeah, I know, I know. But it's again, it's an ADD thing. It's like, how many times have I said, like, by the way, I'm not explaining this to you. I'm like, I like doing one thing a day.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And just like a lot of people with ADD or ADD type brains, I really can be brilliant for one thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's why I'm like, let's do this podcast. Which I think has been really great for what it's worth.

[A]

Agreed.

[B]

Don't bring the dishes into it. And if I want to be brilliant at my show, which is tonight, by the way, in New York city, go to prenups.com and I want to be brilliant. That's really important to me. I want it to be this all or nothing. It's like when you have a date. Like, I want to spend the whole day just kind of like, of course, thinking about it and that, that, that unspoken value that you're pouring into it. It's not quite romantic when it comes to a show, but it's like, I care so much about this. I clear my day. I don't want to go to lunch with our friend on Friday. You'll notice that whole day is empty.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Except for good day.

[A]

New York, good morning.

[B]

Good morning, New York. Good day. New York does wrap at three.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But there's something about like, it's like an altar. It's like every day I have is an altar. And it's like, I just, I just want all the candles on, on that.

[A]

This is.

[B]

I know you understand that. Can we go to one last. Because now I have to figure out when we do the second mid roll because I'm still holding on to the idea that we call them out. We'll be right back after the second mid roll. Jesus Christ. I'm just saying. And I want to tell a story about a weird thing that happened in Pittsburgh. And we're going to continue this conversation as if we didn't take a break.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

So we'll be right, right, right, right back.

[A]

Is it just me or are things actually really scary right now? In the world of public health, every day brings another confusing headline. Or yet again, a far fetched claim. Vaccines are somehow up for debate and parents are scrolling TikTok for medical advice. I'm Chelsea Clinton, an advocate, author, investor, teacher, and mom navigating this insane. Meantime, right alongside you, I hope you'll join me on my new podcast, that Can't Be True, a show that sorts fact from fiction, especially on issues impacting our health. From Limonada Media and the Clinton Foundation. That Can't Be True is out October 2nd.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Okay. Yeah. I just for the record, I. My experience of that and that makes perfect sense to me. I'm. I'm not in any way thinking like, of course I know you know this. I'm not thinking like, you're weak. If you can't do a podcast, I wouldn't in a million years think you thought that I. What I am thinking, and I'll admit to, is that I know that your, the way that your brain works is very much like just what's in front of you. And I am the one that is more in charge of looking forward.

[B]

Yeah. And looking at like, Leela needs a summer camp.

[A]

Yeah. And also just like, oh, on Friday, we don't have anything other than the show. Which. Which I totally understand is enough. And I get why you would want that whole day, but it was like I didn't want. I wasn't in the mood for this. So I was thinking like, maybe there is a way that I can just make him think about this for one second in the future to where your reaction would be like, yeah, you're right. Like we don't have anything that whole day.

[B]

And what's crazy, Val? And I'm telling you, this is a complete surrender. Of course, they're like, I'd say that shot would go in three out of five times.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That I would just go, like. Right. It just so happens. And this is just so darling and so human. It's like there's just a little bit too much piling up, and you know what I mean?

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I really do feel strongly when you're talking to me. I don't mean you. When anyone's talking to me, the state of my inbox is informing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

At least 30% of that tone of that conversation.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If things are getting jammed up and I'm not. And I have been taking good care of myself. Very good care of myself lately. So it's not even about, like, time. I'm just starting to feel like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. And now I'll take tension out of it on the day. I'll be tense. Right now, I am nervous. There's just so much.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To. To talk about.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's why I go just the. My whole life is a coping strategy to go. If you tomorrow said, what will we do when we get to the hotel tomorrow? If you said that to me in the morning, which you wouldn't, but if you did, I'd say, just get to the airport.

[A]

Yeah. Right.

[B]

And then when we get to the airport, you go, what are we gonna eat? I'd go, just get through security. And once we get through security, you go, what are we gonna eat? I go, just get to the gate.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, it's. It's like, it's almost. And when I say special needs. I'm not trying to be funny. I like half special.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay. That's a little funny. I'm saying if. If I'm an engine that can flood.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

At the mention of dishes.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Imagine how hard it must be.

[A]

But we're the same to go to.

[B]

The airport, and I go to the airport all the time.

[A]

I know we are the same, because if we're just. I know this because really what was happening is I'm like. I've been overwhelmed all day, so I don't want to do a podcast on a day that I'm. I've been overwhelmed all day. And you were saying, yeah, neither do I. Which is a different day than today.

[B]

It's like, oh, right. So it was just. I didn't get that you made that point. I didn't get that you're saying on Friday, I don't want to do it because I'm overwhelmed. And you're saying, I'm overwhelmed.

[A]

I'm overwhelmed today. And it's just like, who's gonna do a podcast when they're overwhelmed? And so what? I. I'm just saying that to be like, I know. I know you. I'm the same as you. We're the same.

[B]

I know. And when you were saying that in the six minutes that stretched into 30 minutes, it really was like, I can't even hear you. I. It's such a tender. And when I say like a baby, I don't mean. I mean, I was being a baby. I don't even mean that in a bad way.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's just to give you a colorful and accurate example of how I feel. I'm like, well, no, that's so small and so fragile.

[A]

Yeah, that's how we feel in those moments. And also, like, I. I want to point out that we're a family of people like this. Like, and, you know, it could be, like, creative people, too. Like, a creative person thing. But, like, the fact that those are. The lights just flickered. Like, remember when you mentioned getting the commercial color corrected? And I got in a crazy zone where, like, I couldn't talk or think about, like, I got like, like, one word answers really short. Really, like.

[B]

And then I thought I had upset you.

[A]

Yeah. And I was just like, no, I just like, it. It locked me into this zone where.

[B]

That's a good example.

[A]

I can't think about anything else that's really compassionate. And then remember our daughter this morning show playing something for us on the piano? And we clapped before she was done. We thought she was done and she wasn't. And she got so weird, too, and got like. And was like, I'm never going to play again.

[B]

This is pilots in the audience.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The comedian's going out and the agent said, it's on Seinfeld. The agent says, jerry, before you go out, I just want you to know the pilots in the audience. He goes, what? The pilot who flew you to. To Pittsburgh is in the audience. And he's like, what am I supposed to do with that? Also Eddie Murphy, meaning very sensitive.

[A]

It's so sensitive.

[B]

Eddie Murphy, also in this very well made documentary that I'm really enjoying, talked about that the most sensitive person is the best. I'm not saying I'm the best artist. I'm just saying, like, you, artist, me, artist. Leela, obviously, her whole life is a work of art.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Very, very sensitive.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The pilots in the audience. These dishes. When am I gonna.

[A]

These pencils are making me.

[B]

Summer of George. I don't know what else to say. Shrinkage. I'm just saying, like. And that's why I was saying Matt Johnson, Canadian filmmaker Matt Johnson, who we both love and relate to, when a creative person is getting into a frenzy, and it could be a mixtape, it could be a ro. It could be a conversation, and somebody stops it. Like, I've told that story before when I was on that cooking show, and at the beginning, the. It was a live Netflix cooking show, and there was this, like, master Chef. And the show started. And then I started with a riff. He started cooking rice, and I was like, where does rice get off? Like, you want me? I'll be ready in six hours. Like, I just thought that was. So let's go.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he sort of insinuated that I was being offensive to Asia. Oh, I remember the story.

[A]

Yes, I do remember.

[B]

And was. And because it was a live TV show, implied that a lot of people were probably upset. And he wasn't even really. He was kind of joking. He was like, oh, Pete, I don't know. And I was like, oh, the pilot's in the audience. I couldn't have shut down harder. And it was partly in protest. I was like, oh, I thought we were having fun, and now I don't feel fun anymore. But it was also because I'm like, I feel like Matt. And people that run manic like myself are like, let's go, let's go, let's go. And someone goes, okay, but some of these clocks are an hour early.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And some of them are two hours late. How are we going to know? And you just want to go. Well, you want to cry.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because you. You want to be like Billy Elliot and dance. You just want to do your dance.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And someone's like, the clocks are wrong.

[A]

I really wonder. I tr. I'm sure I have, but I really wonder if I've ever felt that way. I also associate that with, like, a masculine energy. It sort of is. And thank God you're not like this. But I know that this is a common, like, cliche thing, but it sort of is like sex, where it's like, the boner's here.

[B]

Hurry, hurry, hurry.

[A]

We've gotta do it. We've got, like, you know, and.

[B]

And, like, sexual forwardness. And I don't. That's not code for aggression. Val and I. It's all good and consensual and wonderful.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I didn't have to say that.

[A]

No. That's like.

[B]

Yeah, that was weird. Yeah, I just meant when I say aggressiveness, I don't mean aggression.

[A]

You just mean like, what's the urgency? Assertiveness.

[B]

Assertiveness. If there's. With our. With our love making.

[A]

There's an urgency.

[B]

There is an urgency that can be a little bit forward. Literally.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

About a foot forward. Nice, bro. And we've. We've had this revelation on the podcast before where I'm like, that forwardness is actually vulnerability.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's like, it's here. Don't say. Did you call your dad?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Didn't your dad call you?

[A]

Right.

[B]

My dick is here.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

And that's exactly how I feel about this podcast.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It's the same exactly how I feel about stand up.

[A]

And it's. Isn't it?

[B]

Don't tell me. The pilots in the audience. I think Jerry Seinnenfeld feels the same way. And I bet he's a similar lover.

[A]

But isn't it like. And it's the feminine cliche and happens to be true in our relationship that it's like, wait, I just need to get situated, like. Yeah, I just want, like, you know, that's what I.

[B]

That's what I think is.

[A]

I want to lead into it this.

[B]

Conversation, I think universally rich and interesting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm glad we did it because the whole thing has been a gentle and well communicated humorous. What is this, a review? I'm just saying, like, you know, soiree.

[A]

I also don't know what that is.

[B]

But it's been like a little look into. It's. We're not just talking about a podcast. We're talking about a relationship. We're talking about marriage. We're talking about sheet music arrest.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then like 17 notes that are too close and no one knows how to play it except the guy who wrote it.

[A]

And they're in like 4, 5.

[B]

It's in some awful time that only like tool played in.

[A]

Yeah. Or Jamiroquai.

[B]

I think Jamaica was pretty. 4. 4.

[A]

Were they? I don't know much.

[B]

I. I can't. I can't know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

With that hat. He did some six, eight.

[A]

Yeah. Or like, here we go. Bayla Fleck and the Fleck Tones.

[B]

Sure. If you're calling yourself Baila Fleck in the Flecktones and you don't have a song in. In like 12. 2.

[A]

I was in his a 16. 9. Don't name him now that's a thing.

[B]

I wonder if you can write a porn music in six, nine time.

[A]

Oh, cool. Nice.

[B]

Or weed music. All of Cypress Hill's music was in 420.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

It's not. It made me. I didn't even like it. And I love my own stuff. Can we tell that story?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then we'll tell the story about what happened at the club and then we're out.

[A]

I mean. And I don't even know if you need to tell that story about what happened.

[B]

You're right. It was very tense gender.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know if that's the vibe to end on. You can save that one. Put. Put it in your pocket.

[B]

I'm sure it'll come up. When somebody says, has anything weird ever happened in a show?

[A]

Yeah. My brother and sister in law came, were staying with us and we. I don't even know how it happened, but we somehow found a compilation on YouTube of your old vibe.

[B]

Well, I know I can give a little context there. I think I was stoned.

[A]

Well, you were stoned. Yeah.

[B]

I don't know why I said, I think I recently threw out all my weed because I'm in what we're now calling Fall frenzy. Happens every year. And like every Fall Frenzy I go, this time I'm going to extend it. I'm not. And I'm actually saying this for the record. I'm not going to get fucking thwarted by Thanksgiving and Christmas. These fucking calendar holidays are going to make me eat copious amounts of sugar and gluten and my eat turkey bird and fake fat man Santa. I'm just saying you can call fictional things the F word.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Jk. Apologies.

[A]

Fake.

[B]

Nice. Sorry. Heavy. Santa's heavy. And I love all bodies.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Consensual.

[A]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

I know. I was stoned.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we watched. We watched something on YouTube that made us remember Vines. And we watched someone else's vines.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then Derek or you or Beth said.

[A]

I think I said it because.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You and I were dating in the prime of vine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we. I felt very much like we were like secret flirting with our vines. We were like, we knew.

[B]

We knew.

[A]

We knew the other one was gonna see it, was gonna like it.

[B]

Unbearably cute.

[A]

Every once in a while when we would like see each other, text each other, we would mention a Vine that the other person did. It was like a key part of our flirting. So I feel really, really nostalgic.

[B]

Vine was the vine in Mario that we climbed up to our relationship. Yeah. And I also feel that vine was when I was 33. So that's when we were starting to date. Am I correct? And it's Just Vine. More like prime. I was like. That was just like, the prime. I was really just figuring out who I was. My voice, I just gotten out of a toxic relationship. Just like, it wasn't healthy for either of us. You know, we've talked about that.

[A]

Anyway, that was like a couple years prior.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Or a year.

[B]

But I, you know, I got my own place. I lost a lot of weight. I got my show on Conan. After Conan. Conan. Things were coming up. Milhouse. I can see it in my skin that I'm like, yeah, you were like.

[A]

Raw vegan, doing yoga and that hike with the Tony Robin.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I was really figuring out there was.

[A]

A big care of yourself.

[B]

There was a change. I wasn't taking care of myself. And then all of a sudden, I was really taking care of myself.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And also figuring out, like, oh, I love being silly. I love singing. I love all the. All these things. And that's what vine was. So you graciously spouse of the year were like, let's watch Pizza Vines. There's. There's vine compilations of mine on YouTube. And thank you to the people that made those, because I don't know where these videos are. I know we put it on, and when I say it made me laugh. You've. No one's ever heard me laugh as hard as I was laughing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

At these Vines.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I will say only slightly defensively. One, I forgot. I forgot about them, so they were surprising me. Two, it's impossible to separate just how it was like looking through a good yearbook. I don't feel good looking through my high school yearbook. I. I felt good seeing my old apartment, seeing my old American Apparel hoodies, and seeing my hair cut, like, just looking young. It was just like a portal. And then the jokes were just exactly what I want, which is, like, exactly my sense of humor. But I don't remember it. It's like I was entertaining myself, which I was. And I'm stoned.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I'm dying laughing at a specific one where I said, benicio del Toro. I've been saying Benitos. And then I cut to a bag of chips called Benitos.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's the most. And you were there when I filmed that.

[A]

And those were, like, chips that we ate when we were dating.

[B]

And I could remember the taste of these chips.

[A]

And we would make homemade pico de gato.

[B]

It was like an enema of nostalgia and comedy. And I'm stoned, and I was just flooded with joy. And I thought it was the funniest thing. And when I say I laughed 10 out of 10, I could have gone to 28.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was going, you're stoned. You're being weird. People are watching you laugh at your own joke.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Tone it down. But I still laughed, tears streaming down my face.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And then your brother said, I thought this was fun and very. We made it weird.

[A]

Yeah. My. My sweet brother said that that, like, led him to really reflect. And he. He just sort of had a moment where he's like, oh, I thought I knew what people meant when they said they loved themselves, but I wasn't even scratching the surface.

[B]

I wasn't even in the ballpark.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It made me grateful that I do have that. I was like, wow, I really do have that.

[A]

Yeah, you do. You delight in yourself.

[B]

I know. And I know that's a. That can be obnoxious. I hope it's just.

[A]

I think it's lovely.

[B]

Well, especially if your medium is comedy. Like, if I watched my own comedy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I would enjoy it. And that is everyone who. All we can do.

[A]

Yes. I hope everyone who, you know, makes art and. Or self expresses in any way can, like, stand back and be like, I enjoyed this.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Like, that's fantastic.

[B]

I'm sure Radiohead puts it on, and it's just like, this is really moody.

[A]

And I. Yeah, I love it.

[B]

I love radio.

[A]

This is really so much.

[B]

This is so moody.

[A]

And sure, there's things that you make that you're like, okay, maybe that doesn't stand the test of time. Not you. Well, not well, but other.

[B]

I know, but, like, what. What I liked about vine is it is a rough draft. It's not supposed to be perfect.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A special or something I will sweat over. And I often don't enjoy watching.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

While we're making it and editing it and all that sort of stuff. But Vine.

[A]

But then also, if you give it enough time, you love your specials. Yeah. So anyway, we're gonna go watch Crashing now.

[B]

Oh, my God. Can you imagine? I mean, we've never.

[A]

We've never re. Watched that well.

[B]

That is to every frame is.

[A]

Every frame of memory is a memory to sing in the editing frame of memory.

[B]

And every scene a million choices, and it's not chill. But you know what you should watch is the Chair Company. And we love it.

[A]

And we love it so much.

[B]

And we love you guys. Thank you for being here.

[A]

Yeah. Thank you for.

[B]

Thank you, Valerie.

[A]

Going on that ride with us in.

[B]

Real time couldn't mean it more. You're just the perfect partner and I love you.

[A]

I love you too. And keep it crispy.

[B]

Oh, and I know we already said keep it crispy, but we didn't say get into it at the beginning. So why not just say, hey, whatever you're doing with your life, get into it and keep it crispy.

[A]

And keep it crispy.

[B]

But also get into it. Keep it.

[A]

Keep it into it crispy. Are you Team Batman or Spider Man? Is the ultimate dish pizza or tacos? SmashBoom Best will help settle those debates and so many more. Every episode we take two cool things, smash them together, and we see which one is best. Debaters use facts, jokes, stories and more to argue for their side. And it's all judged by a teenager because who is better at judging than a teen? It's fun. It's weirdly informative. It's smashboom Best. Get it. Wherever you get your podcasts.