You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes – We Made It Weird #242 (Feb 27, 2026)
Episode Overview
This special episode of We Made It Weird is a celebratory and intimate edition, marking Valerie's birthday. Pete Holmes and his wife Valerie indulge in their signature wide-ranging, unfiltered banter, navigating topics like sexuality in long-term relationships, evolving self-acceptance, embodiment, celebrity crushes, creativity, and spiritual non-duality. The conversation is playful and self-aware, weaving together personal milestones with philosophical inquiry, all carried by Pete and Val’s affectionate, goofy dynamic.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Birthday Vibes and Self-Celebration
- [00:25] It's Valerie's birthday episode, and the couple reflects on the idea of embodying fun and fulfillment, especially in adulthood.
- Valerie shares her pride in planning joyful birthday activities (dinner, dancing, connecting with friends).
- Valerie [64:32]: "I do my birthday well. Like I just go like, what is your perfect day, Val? Just like make that happen."
- They joke about birthday traditions, with Pete expressing deep admiration for Valerie’s current season of growth:
- Pete [31:59]: “This is what it looks like when somebody starts filling out the suit and blossoming and ... your roots are so strong they’re breaking the pot, and you just...You're in full–oh, we thought it was a little flower, it’s...a sunflower the size of the sun.”
2. Pop Culture, Celebrities, and Evolving Attraction
- Extensive riffing on celebrity beauty standards and crushes—Beyoncé, JLo, Sandra Bullock, Kevin Costner, Henry Cavill, Jacob Elordi, Oscar Isaac, and more.
- Pete [09:05]: “Asses are tops of legs, and that’s how I feel after I’ve had sex. ...then asses are a whole planet. They’re a whole currency. They’re a whole aisle of the grocery store. They’re like half the store. Trader hoes.”
- Debates over the archetype of male and female beauty through the decades:
- On Sandra Bullock: “I feel very strongly about it. Sandra Bullock is Kevin Costner.” [12:43]
- On the evolution of male beauty: “Men weren’t even interested in how they were looking for so long.” [14:45]
- Val reflects on how her own orientation and attractions have shifted from her 20s to her 30s.
- Valerie [23:12]: “I was a lot more queer in my 20s than I am in my 30s. ...Now I’m becoming, like, even more feminine in this, like, old school way and ...craving, like, a burly....”
3. Sexuality, Gender Roles, and the Shadow
- Reflecting honestly (and with self-conscious disclaimers) on their sex life, the couple discusses how their sexual dynamic has become more “traditional/heteronormative” as non-physical aspects of their lives flourish.
- Pete [34:19]: “Our sex is more male, female, classic...Traditional is better than classic. ...I’m aggressive. I’m big. I’m—Me, man, me strong. You, lady, you…”
- Valerie [35:06]: “...We do bring all of that good life force energy into our relationship, which is going to affect every aspect of our relationship, but especially, like, vital life force energy is sort of the same energy as sexual energy.”
- They dig into the complexity and "shadow" of sexuality, referencing Nora Ephron’s essay about feminist expectations and bedroom desires.
- Valerie [37:02]: “That’s why it’s interesting is like I’m so interested in the fact that our shadow selves are...meant to hide away and feel ashamed. And our shadows do have a role in every aspect of our lives, including sexuality.”
- Discussion of how sexuality and desires can diverge from conscious ideologies, and how healthy relationships create safe containers to explore that.
4. Fulfillment, Self-Acceptance & Age Milestones
- Pete shares a new level of contentment and acceptance in his 40s, referencing the idea that “if it’s not fun, don’t do it; if you have to do it, make it fun.”
- Pete [44:06]: “I just found a way where I’m just like, I’m okay with how I am. ...It’s like I'm digesting my food, my heart is beating, and my personality is emerging.”
- They compare the “hustle” of the 30s versus the “harvest” of the 40s, offering both personal and observed insight.
- Pete [41:12]: “...the 30s seem for so many to be when you’re planting the seeds. ...the 40s is when the harvest happens.”
- Both acknowledge how their long-term partnership has positively changed the way they love themselves and each other.
- Valerie [47:50]: “...you already had the most self-love of anyone I ever knew. But it was more in the realm of what you offer the world...I have always had a hard time loving myself that way and I feel like you’ve helped me...”
- Pete [48:13]: “I like that you’re weird.”
5. Non-Duality, Spiritual Practice, and Present-Moment Awareness
- In the second half, Pete dives into his ongoing interest in non-duality (esp. John Wheeler and Rupert Spira), summarizing key teachings and his practical experience.
- Pete [51:25]: “...he just goes, what are you talking about? It’s it. And now go into it and experience your true self. ...all of your problems stem from having the wrong idea about what you are.”
- The sense of “I am that spacious, fresh aliveness within which disappointments come and go…” [50:32–51:25]
- Valerie expands, noting the importance of integrating non-dual awareness back into the body and the human experience, not just transcending it.
- Valerie [53:07]: “...we take the awareness that we are...and then we bring that back into our human experience and look at all of our parts through that lens so that all of these parts can be integrated.”
- Both agree that with deeper self-awareness, the outer world becomes more light, vibrant, and less burdensome.
6. Parenting, Playfulness, and Favorite Things
- Pete shares a bedtime exchange with their daughter Leela, using non-duality language to soothe her, only for her to respond, “What if I don’t have one? [an awareness] ...Then how are you hearing me right now?” [61:30]
- The couple gleefully discusses their upcoming plans to see a favorite movie for Val’s birthday.
- Playful debates about food vs. drink—what is better, being hungry and eating, or thirsty and drinking—and their favorite kinds of thirst-quenching beverages.
Notable Quotes & Moments (with Timestamps)
- “Asses are tops of legs, and that’s how I feel after I’ve had sex....Trader hoes.”
Pete Holmes, 09:05 - “I was a lot more queer in my 20s than I am in my 30s.”
Valerie, 23:12 - “Our sex is more male, female...Traditional is better than classic. ...Me, man, me strong. You, lady, you.”
Pete Holmes, 34:19 - “I think being more fulfilled comes with also more confidence. ...Like, I wouldn’t have the type of sex that we have with someone who I wasn’t 100% sure that they respected me…”
Valerie, 33:51 - “They thought I was into Scientology. Elrond. I’m more into Efron. As in Nora. Peace.”
Pete Holmes, 36:10 - “Shadow selves...have a role in every aspect of our lives, including sexuality.”
Valerie, 37:02 - “I’m okay with how I am...It’s like I’m digesting my food, my heart is beating, and my personality is emerging.”
Pete Holmes, 44:06 - “Val, you’re just blossoming. You’re in your prime.”
Pete Holmes, 31:59 - “We take the awareness that we are, and then we bring that back into our human experience and look at all of our parts through that lens so that all of these parts can be integrated.”
Valerie, 53:07 - Leela [7 yrs], when Pete waxes non-dual at bedtime:
“What if I don’t have one [an awareness]?”
Leela & Pete, 61:30
Timestamps for Key Segments
- 00:25 – Birthday episode announcement and celebration preview
- 03:01 – Pete plugs upcoming comedy special and YouTube premiere
- 06:21 – Pop culture riffs: Diary of a Wimpy Kid, Pulp Fiction, asinine banter
- 09:05 – “Trader hoes” riff on body types and sexualization
- 12:13 – Sandra Bullock as the 90s J.Lo, Kevin Costner parallel
- 14:45 – Hotness and beauty evolution in media and real life
- 22:45 – “Let the algo know” on internet search behavior
- 23:12 – Valerie’s shifting queerness and new desires in her 30s
- 24:23–25:29 – Wuthering Heights and the complexity of erotic power play
- 33:17–34:50 – Transparency about evolving, traditional sexual dynamics
- 35:54–36:10 – Pete’s “Efron, not Elrond” slam poem riff
- 37:01–39:33 – Shadow work, desire, and self-acceptance in sexuality
- 41:12–45:24 – 30s as ‘planting’, 40s as ‘harvest’; self-acceptance through age
- 48:13–51:25 – Non-duality, the teaching of John Wheeler and spiritual peace
- 53:07–56:16 – Integrating spiritual realization into daily embodied life
- 61:30 – Leela’s adorable philosophical comeback at bedtime
- 62:29–65:58 – Val’s perfect birthday plan: movie, dinner, dancing, joy
- 66:09–67:53 – Food vs. drink: thirsty vs. hungry argument; juice cravings
Tone and Style
- The tone is candid, humorous, self-effacing, deeply affectionate, and willing to mine awkwardness. Both Pete and Valerie freely navigate IRL intimacy, shame, lust, and philosophical insight, reflecting the podcast’s mission to expose secret weirdness in everyone.
- Language vacillates between the comic, the earnest, and the philosophical. Pete’s comedic instincts run up against his earnest love of spiritual inquiry; Valerie tempers and deepens the dialogue with nuance and vulnerability.
- There’s frequent breaking of the fourth wall—acknowledging the audience and their perceptions—plus meta-awareness about inclusivity and not wanting to speak for everyone.
Summary Takeaway
This episode exemplifies why You Made It Weird remains endearing and substantial: Pete and Valerie’s willingness to reveal both their silliest and most searching selves. Topics spiral from pop culture silliness to bedroom honesty, from dancing with friends to embracing spiritual presence. Throughout, their celebration of each other’s weirdness and their delight in personal growth provide an uplifting window into love, self-acceptance, and the complex joy of being human.
“Keep it crispy.”