We Made It Weird #254

Summary

Podcast Summary: "We Made It Weird #254"

Podcast: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
Date: June 5, 2026
Host: Pete Holmes
Guest/Co-host: Valerie
Episode Theme: Embracing Secret Weirdness, Authenticity, Parenting, Pop Culture, and Existential Comfort

---

Episode Overview

This episode, featuring Pete Holmes and his wife Valerie, dives into their spontaneous, freewheeling conversations about personal anxieties, authentic selfhood, the challenges of parenting, pop culture, and the comforts of recognizing collective human experience—embracing secret weirdness in everyday life. The episode is marked by relatable anecdotes, playful riffs, and thoughtful exploration of how everyone “masks” or maintains personas to cope with the world.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tempo & Dynamic of the Episode (00:21–01:20)

• Pete and Valerie reflect on the more "laid-back" energy of this episode compared to the usual "manic ranchos" (00:56).
• Valerie feels the episode matches her speed of thinking/talking: “This one was my speed. Usually we go at your speed.” (01:00, Valerie)

---

2. Coffee, Sleep, and California Dreams (04:00–04:55)

• Pete humorously describes his relationship with caffeine and how it turns his mental state surreal:

  “It's the only thing that makes me feel like I live in the California dream of a maniac...and did seven backflips and landed in a pool full of tits. That's what coffee is.” (04:15–04:55, Pete)

• Valerie quips about the divisiveness of Pete's wild metaphor, “You either liked that or you didn't. Nobody feels neutral.” (04:56, Valerie)

---

3. Personas & The "Jon Hamm Suit" Short Film Metaphor (13:38–24:24)

• Pete pitches a surreal short film starring Jon Hamm to illustrate how people put on shells or “masks” (the "Jon Hamm suit") to interface with the world while hiding the scared, vulnerable parts underneath.
  • Jon Hamm returns from charming a crowd, enters a Shrek-like cabin in the woods, strips off his “suit,” and reveals a pale, Gollum-like inner self (17:13–18:05).
  • The metaphor poignantly reflects Pete’s own feelings:

    “I'm this very tender, scared, I don't want to say weak, but very vulnerable guy who is overwhelmed...I think a lot of us can relate to this.” (18:05–18:16, Pete)

  • Valerie expands on the metaphor, referencing the idea of "masking" common in neurodivergent experiences:

    “There's the term masking...what neurodivergent people do all day is pretend to be neurotypical to get through the day. It's exhausting...because it's inauthentic.” (22:53–23:22, Valerie)

---

4. Comedy, Pop Culture, and Roasts (05:13–12:03)

• Pete recounts being on “Who Wants to Be a Millionaire?” with Jimmy Kimmel and Tig Notaro, poking fun at their limited pop culture knowledge (07:33–08:11).
• They riff on the shifting platforms for televised comedy roasts and how institutions like Comedy Central have lost ground to Netflix and others (09:06–10:21).

---

5. Parenting and Allowing Growth (55:28–60:36)

• Update on Leela’s School Camping Trip: Valerie shares the emotional journey of letting their daughter attempt a school overnight trip without parental chaperoning—initial resistance, second-guessing, and Leela's eventual comfort with Valerie attending (56:04–59:33).

  “She was trying to tell me she was ready for something...It’s my job as her mother to sort of trust her and let her try these things and to let go.” (56:23–57:03, Valerie)

• Commentary on the bittersweet process of children outgrowing co-sleeping and the nuances of parental readiness versus the child’s (59:54–60:36).

  “You have to ask yourself hard questions like, do you like that she sleeps in here or does she want to sleep in here? And the answer is both.” (60:09–60:24, Pete)

---

6. The Importance (and Exhaustion) of Maintaining Personas (28:42–32:11)

• Valerie observes that Pete’s outward persona exudes unbothered confidence, but internally he “needs people to like [him] to feel safe.” (28:46–29:23)
• Pete illustrates the emotional cost of “masking,” especially when performing on podcasts or during stressful, vulnerable moments.

  “It takes my effort to stand by my ham. And that can be kind of tiring.” (30:53–31:39, Pete)

• Valerie:

  “People all have their own Ham suits...They unzip and have their own goblin.” (31:39–32:11)

---

7. Twin Language & Quotations as Masking (47:04–52:09)

• Pete recounts his and his brother’s habit of speaking in cryptic movie and pop culture quotes—another form of comfortable “masking.”

---

8. Pop Culture Recommendations & Appreciation (36:55–41:49)

• Both express enthusiastic love for "English Teacher":

  “How did they do this? It's not editing...real characters behaving believably, marinated in perfect jokes.” (37:06–37:41, Pete)

• They analyze why some shows vibe so well, the difficulty in pitching truly unique concepts, and how casting, writing, and chemistry make a show like "English Teacher" special.

---

9. Talking Piracy, Dialects, and Family (41:49–47:04)

• Extended, humorous riff on pirates, “ARR,” and how speech patterns define identity; Valerie shares stories of her own family’s Southern “twin language.”

---

10. Synchronicities & Matrix/AI Philosophy (62:08–75:17)

• Notable Synchronicity: Pete recounts an incident about sunglasses looking like Neo’s from The Matrix, then “English Teacher” makes the same joke that very night—an instance of meaningful coincidence (62:08–63:52).
• AI, Immortality, and Collective Human Stories:
  • Pete shares insights from Julian Watley’s YouTube channel about fears surrounding AI (64:18–68:58).
  • AI as the “new opiate,” tech CEOs as modern priests, and our tendency to worship new "gods" in the face of existential uncertainty:

    “Instead of melting down the gold, we're melting down all the information...feeding something, a new God, all of the information.” (65:11–65:52, Pete)

  • Valerie finds reassurance in the eternal recurrence of human fears and needs:

    “We're not that different from how we always have been...the gods change.” (69:44–70:16, Valerie)

  • Pete notes that our brains’ quirks are always echoed in others:

    “No man is an island. Your brain cannot do something that at least hundreds of other brains have done. I find that very comforting.” (72:49–73:00, Valerie)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Vulnerability:
  “I'm this very tender, scared...very vulnerable guy who is overwhelmed. I think a lot of us can relate to this.” (18:05–18:16, Pete)

• On Masking:
  “Masking is what neurodivergent people do all day...to try to be neurotypical...it's exhausting.” (22:53–23:22, Valerie)

• On Parenting:
  “It's my job as her mother to sort of trust her and let her try these things and to let go.” (56:23–57:03, Valerie)

• On Existential Comfort:
  “We're not that different from each other and we're not that different from how we always have been...the gods change.” (69:44–70:16, Valerie)

• On AI & Uncertainty:
  “Instead of melting down the gold, we're melting down all the information...feeding something, a new God, all of the information...because we're freaking out, and we need certainty.” (65:11–65:52, Pete)

---

Timestamps of Important Segments

• Opening Reflections, Show Energy: 00:21–01:20
• Coffee & Mental State Metaphor: 04:00–04:55
• The Jon Hamm Suit: Personas & Vulnerability: 13:38–24:24
• Pop Culture, Trivia, and Comedy Roasts: 05:13–12:03
• Parenting, Letting Kids Grow: 55:28–60:36
• Masking & Social Personas: 28:42–32:11
• Quoting as Masking, Family Language: 47:04–52:09
• Pop Culture Love – “English Teacher”: 36:55–41:49
• Pirates, Dialects, Family Stories: 41:49–47:04
• Synchronicity (Neo Sunglasses): 62:08–63:52
• AI Philosophy, Human Patterns & Comforts: 64:18–75:17

---

Episode Takeaways

• Everyone presents personas to the world—sometimes for fun, sometimes for protection—and recognizing your own "masking" is both humbling and universal.
• Parenting offers daily reminders about letting go, change, and learning to distinguish whose needs are being prioritized.
• Our pop culture tastes and inside jokes serve as unique "twin languages" that help us connect—and sometimes shield us—from vulnerability.
• Amid technological or existential uncertainty (like AI), comfort can be found in recognizing the cyclic, timeless nature of human hopes and anxieties.
• “Weirdness” is universal; embracing it openly, with humor and honesty, is both healing and freeing.

---

Closing Tone
Warm, deeply relatable, irreverent but kind, and ultimately hopeful—the episode encapsulates the honest weirdness, foibles, and shared humanity that listeners cherish from Pete and Valerie.

Transcript

[Pete Holmes]

Lemonade. Yes, you did. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[Valerie]

What's happening, weirdos?

[Pete Holmes]

What's going on? I know.

[Valerie]

We'll pause for you to answer.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh.

[Valerie]

Oh, wow. Oh, cool.

[Pete Holmes]

The whole way.

[Valerie]

Wow. Okay, great.

[Pete Holmes]

And they didn't. Oh, is that.

[Valerie]

Is that legal? No, no.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no, no, no. You were kidding. You were kidding. Of course, now you kind of look like you weren't kidding. Welcome to the show. I know I always say this. I loved this one. This was unlike. I don't think we've ever done one quite this level.

[Valerie]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, we have.

[Valerie]

I'm wondering what your experience.

[Pete Holmes]

Just kind of a little bit more laid back, not the manic ranchos that it sometimes is.

[Valerie]

I liked it. It was my. This one was my speed. Usually we go at your speed.

[Pete Holmes]

I'd completely agree with you. You were in your power and. Oh, no, running point on this one.

[Valerie]

Was I? Oh, I mostly just meant, like, literally the speed in which I think and talk and I know you meant. Oh, okay. Yeah. I didn't know that I was running point.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that might be generous. I mean, I. I feel like. Who cares?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a great episode. We're glad you're here.

[Valerie]

You're gonna see how it goes if you just keep doing nothing. Just do nothing from what you're doing right now.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. If you do nothing, it's gonna happen.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

There's two full hours of stand up that I've put on YouTube. One is called Silly, silly fun boy. It's the newest one. And then the one before that, I am not for everyone is also on YouTube. Please check those out. Very proud of them. Spells to cast on your parents is available now for pre order. It's a book and my tour dates are on petehomes.com I believe Aspen is selling pretty bad. So if you're somehow hearing this in the foothill foot of a mountain on your ham radio in Aspen, take off your Patagonia fleece and buy a ticket.

[Valerie]

Yep.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's it. That's all I want to plug. We're done plugging.

[Valerie]

We're done with that.

[Pete Holmes]

We're done with that plugging fucking bowl bull.

[Valerie]

All right, everybody. Well, nothing left to do but get into it.

[Pete Holmes]

You made It Weird is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds. Because Progressive offers discounts for paying in full, owning a home, and more. Plus, you can count on their great customer service to help you out when you need it. So your dollar goes a long way. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states or situations.

[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]

Hi, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus here, and I can't wait for you to hear our new episode of Wiser Than Me with Cyndi Lauper on Amazon Music. Cindy may be a girl who just wants to have fun, but for 40 years, she has brought playfulness and a dash of punk to some serious activism. We talk about her lifelong LGBTQ advocacy, her astonishing music career, and pick up a whole lot of wisdom along the way. Listen now only on Amazon Music included with Prime.

[Pete Holmes]

Hello, Daniel. Hello, Daniel, come in, Daniel.

[Valerie]

Daniel, come in. Come in.

[Pete Holmes]

Daniel, come here. Daniel, come in here. Come in here.

[Valerie]

Hey, Daniel, bud. Dan, can you get in here?

[Pete Holmes]

Dan?

[Valerie]

Danny, there's somebody named Daniel listening.

[Pete Holmes]

Danny, get in here.

[Valerie]

Daniel, will you help me with.

[Pete Holmes]

Daniel, I. Daniel.

[Valerie]

Dan will not come.

[Pete Holmes]

Dan, what is this? I don't know. It's our vocal warmup.

[Valerie]

Daniel, come in here.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm gonna. I've been sleeping like absolute D. Shit.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

D stands for dooooooog.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was like, I'm gonna take it easy on caffeine. And then I forgot. It's the only thing that makes me feel like I live in the California dream of a maniac. A man fell asleep in California, and he was mentally unsound. And he had a dream about skiing down a crystalline mountain. A crystalline mountain. And he hit a jump, like in the Olympics, and did seven backflips and landed in a pool full of tits.

[Valerie]

Tits.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what coffee is.

[Valerie]

Wow. Look, you either liked that or you didn't. It's one or the other. Nobody feels neutral about what just happened. Bro, you have one hair that's, like, sticking out of your ears.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't talk about it.

[Valerie]

It's. It really is changing your whole look.

[Pete Holmes]

Whoa.

[Valerie]

It's changing your whole look.

[Pete Holmes]

Whoa. I can't talk about how we did, but I was on who Wants to Be a Millionaire this week.

[Valerie]

Who wants to be a millionaire?

[Pete Holmes]

Are you a millionair? What is the answer to the millionaire question?

[Valerie]

Oh, my gosh.

[Pete Holmes]

Millenaire.

[Valerie]

How many times did you see Slumdog Millionaire?

[Pete Holmes]

I saw it once. I think we. The whole world saw it once.

[Valerie]

We saw it once and we liked it.

[Pete Holmes]

No. You are the only person I want to talk to. You're the only person who I can talk to. You're the only person I talk to. And I'm not like, what the fuck was that? You're the only one. Every morning coffee we have with friends, I'm like, what did I do? And it's not just because I was an ass. It was either, like neutral, whatever.

[Valerie]

It's not just because you were an ass.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not just the assness, the ethnicity. I just want to say there's got to be a word. And it's for now. From now on Millionaire.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

For something that is good that you felt no need to return to It's a Millionaire.

[Valerie]

It was a cultural sensation. No one saw it twice. No one saw it.

[Pete Holmes]

And when you were watching, remember in Sl. Slumdog Melania, he jumps in the ouse.

[Valerie]

Of course I remember.

[Pete Holmes]

So when we play first flashes and you go, you want to watch Slumdog Millionaire? Millionaire. I go, oh, when he jumps in the. And then it shows him.

[Valerie]

I know. So that I think of that. I think of, obviously, who Wants to be a Millionaire? I probably think of that first.

[Pete Holmes]

And then I start with that guy going, who wants to be a Millionaire?

[Valerie]

I think of the shit.

[Pete Holmes]

Like a magician.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

The host looks like a magician.

[Valerie]

Yeah, totally. And you think. I. I just kind of remember him having, like, maybe his hair was straightened. Like, it doesn't look like it was.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I thought he had like a pompadour and a beard and he's.

[Valerie]

Yes, I think that's true. But I feel like it was straightened. I don't know why. Yeah, I feel strongly about that. But the second thing I think of is them on the train because it introduced me to paper planes by Mia, which I did listen to over and over.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. Yep.

[Valerie]

But you were on who Wants to Be a Millionaire? And you did. You did want to be a millionaire, I think, didn't you?

[Pete Holmes]

That's hilarious. Well, Jimmy Kimmel and Tig. Jimmy was hosting. Tig was roasting. Tig had never seen the show. I will say this.

[Valerie]

I love that about Tig.

[Pete Holmes]

She really nation.

[Valerie]

She. It's one of the many things I love about Tig. She really consistently does not know any pop culture.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. Well, you know, when they pre interviewed us for the show, they said, is there anything you don't know anything about? And I don't think it was too. In fact, I know it wasn't because they were going to cater the questions to us. It was because they like to ask that Jimmy wants. It's like a funny thing.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And then when it comes up, he can be like, oh, yeah. But both Tig and I said pop culture.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Pop culture to me is still like Ocean's Eleven.

[Valerie]

It's the pop culture of 26 years ago.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. Say a pop culture question, but make it mumbled. Be like half a blah, blah.

[Valerie]

Okay,

[Pete Holmes]

Steve Zahn. Like, that's how I want to play Pop culture Millennia.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, when I saw Colin Jost's Celebrity Jeopardy, but it's like Pop Culture Jeopardy, I was like, never.

[Valerie]

Oh, wow. Wait, Colin Jost was a contestant?

[Pete Holmes]

No, he hosts it.

[Valerie]

Oh, nice.

[Pete Holmes]

Isn't that perfect?

[Valerie]

He joosts it.

[Pete Holmes]

He's the joust. Are you kidding? I'm not jousting. I don't know.

[Valerie]

I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

The Comedy Central Jost of Colin Roast. Remember they used to be Comedy Central. How'd they lose grip on that?

[Valerie]

They're not anymore.

[Pete Holmes]

You know this.

[Valerie]

I didn't know that, but I haven't watched that.

[Pete Holmes]

Hey, Valerie, we're gonna watch the Roast of Kevin Hart. Where are we going?

[Valerie]

Well, da da, you're right. Da da, you're right.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I think that's a clue. You already knew.

[Valerie]

You're right. But I guess I thought maybe Netflix, like, it still was Comedy Central.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, they acquired it.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know how they lost it. It's like we've said this a million. But how did Skype lose to Zoom?

[Valerie]

I mean, I think. I don't know how Skype lost to Zoom, but I was there. I think it makes perfect sense that Comedy Central lost to Netflix.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Money, baby. Money, money.

[Pete Holmes]

And nobody owns. We're all going to be brutally cruel to one another.

[Valerie]

Well, somebody probably does Own, because it was like the Friars Club, Right?

[Pete Holmes]

Nobody owns roasts. No.

[Valerie]

I wonder, because why aren't there more roasts? Like, televised roasts?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I think there are. I don't know. That was a weird answer. Okay, what I'm saying is I think they know how many roasts the world can handle. If you ask the Internet, I think they would say there's been far too many roasts. You know, I'm barely on there, but a lot of what I saw was like, oh, God, another roast.

[Valerie]

Oh, really?

[Pete Holmes]

Because it really does. Like, I think you could measure. And I'm not anti roast. In this mood that I'm in right now, I'm like, why would we ever do that? But I'm in other moods.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And those moods. I'll be in another Val. I'll be in another mood in about 11 minutes.

[Valerie]

100%. In the course of this podcast course call, you'll be in Three or four different moods.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not sure about that. I just had a pretty heavy therap.

[Valerie]

I know. Which we didn't get to talk about.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just dealing with weakness like my own. Like my dis. What's the word?

[Valerie]

Disgust.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I guess you could say disgust, but my intolerance of weakness and distress.

[Valerie]

Intolerance? What distress intolerance?

[Pete Holmes]

No, I don't have distress intolerance. I'm a stand up comedian. I eat distress like people eat uni.

[Valerie]

I mean, I think you eat certain types of distress. Like uni.

[Pete Holmes]

That was so fabulous.

[Valerie]

But, you know.

[Pete Holmes]

Why was that so fabulous? I don't mean to say I'm a tough guy. I'm not. In fact, that's the whole thing. I'm gonna pitch you a short film. Ready? You meet Jon Hamm, and he is just out. He's in a restaurant. Don't you love ham in a restaurant?

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's never on the menu.

[Valerie]

I see. I feel like the. Like, I've seen Jon Hamm maybe four or five times. Three of those are restaurants.

[Pete Holmes]

You mean irl?

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

You mean real life ham sightings?

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. It's one of the bigger brags of our life is that he came to that birthday, remember?

[Valerie]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

Our joint birthday.

[Valerie]

Yeah. But what. I just have feelings about that birthday, like, just because I. It was so fun, but I am.

[Pete Holmes]

Was there.

[Valerie]

I planned it in, like a. I. In hindsight, in a fit of mania. Of postpartum mania.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh.

[Valerie]

Because it was six months after we had Leela and you were turning 40 and I was turning 30.

[Pete Holmes]

Yep.

[Valerie]

And I was like, I. I think in hindsight, I realized, like, oh, my God, I was trying to, like, cling to my old life.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you were like, sending a flare up to the universe to be like, I'm still that.

[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]

Yes.

[Valerie]

And, like, planned it like a wedding. Like, I mean, it was a huge party and it was a great party. But I also was like, I love my softer, bigger body postpartum, but I, like, didn't dress appropriately for it.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't remember that.

[Valerie]

And I feel like I just, like, danced so hard that, like, I don't think anybody was like, is Val okay? But in hindsight, I was like, was I okay? I feel like I was really kind of trying to come to terms with the fact that I had died as a maiden and was now a mother.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was like, yeah, I understand that. Again, it's one of the many that go on the list that if men gave birth every Third movie would be about that.

[Valerie]

Yeah, I know, but if we gave

[Pete Holmes]

birth, would be women, and we'd be the oppressed ones.

[Valerie]

Better. What?

[Pete Holmes]

What would be better? At it?

[Valerie]

No, no, just the better ones.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I see.

[Valerie]

Anyway, go on.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no.

[Valerie]

John Hamm.

[Pete Holmes]

I was pitching a short film.

[Valerie]

Oh, yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Pitch, I actually think could be good. And please don't take it. It's my idea.

[Valerie]

All right.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't mean you.

[Valerie]

I mean, can I direct it?

[Pete Holmes]

Sure. We meet Jon Hamm. He's in a restaurant, and he's just so charming and so funny, and everybody likes him. And then he goes back, he starts walking out, and everyone else is getting into Ubers and taxis. We're in New York, of course, and he starts walking, and then he just walks into the woods. Suddenly, there's the woods. Like, that's gonna be, like, part of it. It's like, what, there's no woods by Manhattan? But suddenly he's just, like, walking.

[Valerie]

I love this already.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm so into his, like, dress. Shoes are squishing. Squish, squishing in the wet marsh. Then we come upon a Shrek like, cabin. Like, where Shrek lived.

[Valerie]

Mm.

[Pete Holmes]

Not the cabin itself isn't like Shrek. Look, I've already decided this is a great podcast, and I'm coming into this one going, like, I don't know if I have the wiener to wang her today. And I'm like, we got a wiener to wanger. No, you do too. You're killing it.

[Valerie]

Oh, thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

We have to remember, what was the funny. Oh, we can't say that joke. It was inappropriate. But you made one of the funniest jokes of the century.

[Valerie]

I don't even remember which one you're talking about.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. It wasn't. It wasn't racist or sexist or anything. It was just not in good taste. Anyway, so he's squishing through the woods, and then he comes to the Shrek like, cabin, and he opens it, and then. Do you remember in Total Recall? You don't, but I've never seen it. Really?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Get your ass to Mars. To Mars now. Get your Astomaz to Mar. Get your ass to Mars.

[Valerie]

I just want to say. Say it.

[Pete Holmes]

Coin. Give them that. This is the sound of love. You're out there looking for the right ass. Look for this. He can't do it. Very good.

[Valerie]

He can't do it.

[Pete Holmes]

All right.

[Valerie]

I'm too much of a lady.

[Pete Holmes]

In Total Recall, he sneaks through, like, some security with a. With a big, bigger woman's head on his head and it comes off like, like in layers. Anyway, I didn't have to tell you. I didn't have to tell you any of that, but there are some people who are in their 40s that loved that ref, and there are some people that thought I meant the Colin Farrell one. And no, I did not.

[Valerie]

There's a Colin Farrell.

[Pete Holmes]

Total Recall Colin Farrell. Am I thinking the right Colin?

[Valerie]

Probably. It's not Colin Firth.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not Firth. I'd love to see that. I, I, I need to get my ass to Mars tomorrow. I must get my ass to Mars.

[Valerie]

Coha again.

[Pete Holmes]

Cohagan. Would you please be a dear and give them their, their, Give them their air? It's free. It's free, it's free. It's not even very good. Then a Spanish woman goes, this better be good. I'm working in love, actually.

[Valerie]

I know. I thought so.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, so she was. I didn't have to tell you that. Portuguese. What happens is the Jon Hamm, he takes off all his clothes. We're already like, crowd pleaser. And then he opens up and a small gollumy kind of goblin man, but a human comes out. He's pale, he's very thin. Comes out, comes out of the Jon Ham. He was wearing the Jon Ham suit. Oh, like a, like a monster. I know, it's great, right?

[Valerie]

I love this. And what happened?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, and then, and then, and then opens the. Let's. What kind of bag would John Ham have? Like a satchel?

[Valerie]

Yeah. Like a, like a slick leather, black leather over the shoulder.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And in there is all of these, like, orbs, like clear orbs, kind of jelly, like. And he eats those and he devours them, and that's his sustenance. So what it is. What is it? What is it? What it is, is that's how I often feel, is I'm this very tender, scared, I don't want to say weak, but very vulnerable guy who, who is overwhelmed. I think a lot of us can relate to this. I have to say that to be like, it's not just me. Not just.

[Valerie]

I'm not the only one. I think a lot of big, big

[Pete Holmes]

strong men think this Mamoa will love this film. Mamoa will ball at this film. Yeah. Momoa.

[Valerie]

Are you, Are we talking about the same Momoa?

[Pete Holmes]

Momoa. What's your favorite girl scout cookie? Mamoas.

[Valerie]

Oh, yes, I'd love.

[Pete Holmes]

They added protein to the Samoas and they called me.

[Valerie]

I do have, like, a Pavlovian response. Because Samoa or Momoa, either way, it's delicious. Am I right?

[Pete Holmes]

And Momoa is Samoan. Is he?

[Valerie]

Yeah. Certainly seems Samoan.

[Pete Holmes]

Is Samoan something we can say?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, I'm not trying to be funny. Mulatto.

[Valerie]

Okay. No, you can't say that.

[Pete Holmes]

That's in the song Smells Like Teen Spirit. He goes a mulatto.

[Valerie]

Well, yeah, there's a lot of things we could say in 1991 or that people were saying that they shouldn't have

[Pete Holmes]

said this Smells like Teen Spirit.

[Valerie]

And actually, I'm not totally positive about mulatto, but let's not know.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's live on the knife's edge. And anybody that this is a learning moment. If you're not allowed to say that.

[Valerie]

Yeah, but not for us, because we're not gonna learn.

[Pete Holmes]

Not for us. For you, anyway. That's what my therapy was about. Is like. And I don't think this is tragic or sad. What I'm trying to do is communicate to that sort of scared, small part of me who built brilliantly built the Jon Hamm suit. And it's not even a Jon Hamm suit. It's a Pete Holmes suit. Like, we had the ikea, and it was Jon Hamm. And we put it together, and we're like, God damn it. And it was a Pete Holmes suit. I'm like, shit, we got a purgin. We wanted a ham. Gore the Purgin. And we're like, we can't return it.

[Valerie]

Yeah, it's close enough.

[Pete Holmes]

But, like, I clearly made a. What it is is I did a bunch of podcasts this week, and, like, I've been having a lot of anxiety lately. You said it might be the full moon. Who knows? But, like, I'm like, oh, yeah. We send this guy out, the Persona. Mm. Who is me. And on these podcasts, these podcasts I did this week were particularly good. I was guesting, guest appearing on other people's podcasts. Funny, interesting, all the things. And that's the suit. And then what? So I also sent out a script to a producer I'm working with, and when I get the email, that's like, I loved it. You know, like, I re. And thoughtful reasons why they loved it. Those are the orbs. Like I said, it's not that I started therapy thinking that I'm like a Dr. Jekyll. Mr. Hyde and Dr. Jekyll. Who sounds so much scarier than Mr. Hyde.

[Valerie]

Yeah, Jekyll's the nice one.

[Pete Holmes]

Dr. Jekyll. He's the doctor that Makes the potion that turns him into Mr. Hyde. He loses his medical degree.

[Valerie]

Jekyll is like, joke, jokey and heckle. And Hyde is like, hide, Hide, Hyde.

[Pete Holmes]

He's here?

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you mean? Do you mean hide? He's here? Are you saying hide, comma, he's here?

[Valerie]

I mean, like, you're hiding.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I know what you're saying, but in the scene that I'm doing, someone goes, hide, he's here.

[Valerie]

Oh, I see.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you saying Hyde is here or we need to hide because someone's here? Okay, but Dr. Jekyll is scary, and he is the scary one. But I thought I had, like, a big, dumb animal that, like, I couldn't keep on the leash. And I was frustrated that he keeps getting into the chickens. But it's not that at all. It's like my short film is he sends him out to get the orbs that he lives on. And the beautiful scene in the movie is when Jon Hamm says to the. Valerie, there's someone I'd like you to meet. And he takes him back to the cabin and he gets out of the suit and she holds him.

[Valerie]

Oh, my gosh, that's so sweet. And then she has. She's got the same one, but hers has. Now, this really is Shrek.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it is similar to Shrek. It's similar to Shrek. And what's funny is, I was gonna say, in that beautiful scene where she sees what's inside the ham, it goes. Somebody once told me the world is gonna roll me.

[Valerie]

Let's keep going clean the shade.

[Pete Holmes]

So I was listening to a Dave Matthews song, by the way. I wanted to share that.

[Valerie]

I wanna even.

[Pete Holmes]

We should make that. We'll make it.

[Valerie]

Yeah, I think we should make it. I think that's very beautiful. I think it's very relatable. Obviously, the. You know, you don't just have this one part that's all underneath a facade. You have many parts, including what you would call the ham. All of those are your parts. And they're all valid and they're all good also. What it made me think of is I don't know much about this.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't know much.

[Valerie]

But, you know, there's the term masking. It's like what neurodivergent people do all

[Pete Holmes]

day is pretend to be somebody.

[Valerie]

Is try. Is pretend to be neurotypical all day to get through the day.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Valerie]

And just like, you've learned how to be what?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. They're in the closet. Autistic.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And you. But it's, like, exhausting. Like, it takes its toll because it's inauthentic.

[Pete Holmes]

No, that's what we were talking about is like, the Iron man suit is heavy.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But we also did. Sorry to interrupt. No, we also talked about just how important and. And often necessary that guy is. It's not made of. Yeah, it's a real part of me.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's just like there's. There's, like. Especially when I go on podcasts, I'm so sure I make, like, risque jokes and I just don't give a. You know, like, having fun and. And I have answers. I have a worldview.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm like, yeah, that's me. These are the ABCs of me.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then it's the. It's the little golem that is, like, too much process, but he's eating the orbs.

[Valerie]

Sounds a little more like Smeagol, but okay.

[Pete Holmes]

You think there's that big of a difference between Smeagol and Gollum? Yeah, they have a very similar voice.

[Valerie]

Well, yeah, sure. But one is like,

[Pete Holmes]

You are every nerd's dream. You were already every nerd's dream. A total babe who's supportive and loving. And then. Can you hear the rubbery nerd boners across the nation? I can. That you were like, that's more Smeagol than Gollum. And everyone waits for me to die. The, like, the line of nerds. I say with love, you'll have your pick of nerds. You'll have your pick a nerds.

[Valerie]

Pick a nerds. Which nerd shall it be next?

[Pete Holmes]

The Bachelor? The Bachelorette?

[Valerie]

The Bachelor.

[Pete Holmes]

Nerd edition.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I like this. You made it Weird is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible for financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds. Because Progressive offers discounts for paying in full, owning a home, and more. Plus, you can count on their great customer service to help you out when you need it. So your dollar goes a long way. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save on car insurance, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states or situations. Why is Val in this ad? Why Val's in this ad? Because we recently got outdoor lounge chairs from article and we are obsessed. Not only are they incredibly good looking, but they're stylish, super comfortable, sturdy, and I'm really blown away with the quality. And I'm not just saying that Val said. What did you say?

[Valerie]

I'm getting so many compliments on these chairs.

[Pete Holmes]

People love it. I sit out there in the morning. I I never used to sit on our creaky old crappy wooden lounge chairs. Now we have beautiful article. Substantial, thoughtfully packaged. The whole experience from ordering to delivery was smooth and easy. Article does a great job of making your home look like you hired a designer without making you pay designer prices. They have beautiful furniture for just about any style from modern to coastal to Scandinavian inspired. Everything is designed to work together so creating a great looking space. It's surprisingly you want to say that word. Easy Easy.

[Valerie]

Article is offering our listeners 15 $50 off of your first purchase.

[Pete Holmes]

Article is offering our listeners $50 off your first purchase of $100 or more.

[Valerie]

To claim, visit article.com weird and the

[Pete Holmes]

discount will be automatically applied at checkout.

[Valerie]

That's article.com weird for $50 after off

[Pete Holmes]

of your first purchase of $100 or more. This episode is sponsored by Roe. A lot of people are talking about how effective GLP1 medications are, but they're also talking about how expensive they are, which is what I like about ROE. They help lowest cost path to FDA approved GLP1 treatment they have a free insurance checker that lets you see what your insurance company may cover and if insurance isn't an option, they also offer lower cost cash pay FDA approved GLP1 options including GLP1 pills. The process is incredibly simple. You submit your insurance information and ROE provides a coverage report. And if you decide to move forward, eligible patients can complete an online medical visit and any necessary lab work and work with a ROE affiliated provider to see if treatment is right for them. If I were going to explore GLP1s, this is how I would do it. Hands down. It's like having a clear starting point and understanding my options before making any decisions. When you become a ROW member, you'll have access to your provider on demand for questions and support throughout the process. And you'll be joining over 1.5 million people who've trusted RO on their weight loss journey. So go to ro co weird to see if you qualify. That's ro.co/weird to get started on roe and go to ro co safety for box warning and full safety information about GLP1 medications. Okay. Hosted by Paul Rust yes, obviously I'm not saying.

[Valerie]

I mean, no, he would agree that

[Pete Holmes]

I'm going to leave that there.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The delightful Paul Rest Wait, but what were you.

[Valerie]

Oh, just the masking and the.

[Pete Holmes]

It's tiring. The Iron man suit is heavy and it is part of me.

[Valerie]

This is what I was thinking, because you're saying you. You go on other podcasts and you're making risque jokes and you're, you know, doing all of that. It was interesting. Remember when our friend asked at coffee, she was like, it wasn't even a question. She was sort of putting together based on how you behave. She was like, you don't need people to like you to feel safe. And like, how that is so interesting that that part of you. Your ham, really portrays yourself to be that way. But it is really not true.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Valerie]

It's really not true. Like, I think there are people who don't need people to like them, to feel.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what we were. I did Bert Kreischer's podcast, and we were talking about Tony Hinchcliffe on the roasts, and. And he was like, I really don't think Tony cares. Like, so many people really don't like Tony Hinchcliffe.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Obviously,

[Pete Holmes]

Steve's on what made Trump win. Some people think Tony Hinchcliffe.

[Valerie]

Yeah. I'm out of my depth here. But he did. He did. Like, I know he did.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, that's where he made that awful. You know what I mean?

[Valerie]

Yeah. Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Who cares? It's not. Nobody tunes into this podcast for hot takes.

[Valerie]

Thank God. Because we don't even finish sentences.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. Well, I don't. Tony did. Crashing. And he was very sweet.

[Valerie]

He was different, very nice.

[Pete Holmes]

It was. It might have been a little bit. Yeah.

[Valerie]

I think he was different then anyway.

[Pete Holmes]

But he was like, I don't think Tony cares. He knows he's playing the heel in a wrestling movie TV show. And I was like, sure. And I was really talking about myself. I was like, but if Tony or anybody missed three meals, no coffee, no wi fi, two delayed flights, and you land in Zimbabwe.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

In a different time zone, you might be a little more upset.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That somebody's like, I think you're the worst.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean?

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, it takes. And it takes my effort to stand by my ham. And that can be kind of tiring. Is like, it's never really happened. I just kind of live in fear that somebody's gonna be like, you said, what about? You know, or whatever. And that's what the. The sort of Gollumy guy is. Is kind of exhausted by. He sends him out and we come back and I realized what we realized in therapy. That was a lot like, my house. Like, I just didn't know what I was going to get. There was like, Kind of like, it could be this, it could be that. And yeah, it's. That's all, that's all. It's just a little. It's just a little exhausting and. But I. Look, it's funny because Bert Kreischer is sort of like a guy that I go like. He just seems like he is at peace with himself.

[Valerie]

Yeah. I think that about so many people and I don't know if anybody really is. One thing I know for sure is that we can't trust how it seems on the outside, you know, like, yeah, people are. People all have their own Ham suits. And we just think like, oh, my gosh, you. That's who you actually are. You're very cool and confident and. And they're like. Most of the time when you get to know those people, you're like, no. And they unzip and they have their own goblin.

[Pete Holmes]

Right? That's what I just wrote down. Obviously your pitch is absolutely correct. Ham says, there's someone I want you to meet. He takes him her back to the Shrek like cabin, unzips, comes out there. He is like Powder. Like the movie powder. He's bald and sort of, you know,

[Valerie]

I don't know that movie. I've never even, literally never even heard of it.

[Pete Holmes]

Powder.

[Valerie]

Powder. I feel like I'm driving. I dreaming. Oh, my God, I am dreaming.

[Pete Holmes]

You're driving right now. Grief powder. Yeah, it does. It doesn't matter. It's just an albin. Can you say albino?

[Valerie]

I think so.

[Pete Holmes]

Aggressively pale, bald guy with no eyebrows. So it's like that. It's like Neo in the Matrix, but when he's like, in the Matrix.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Naked Neo. Yeah, we'll get to that. We'll get to that. We have something on that also.

[Valerie]

I'm picturing like the guy from Bridesmaids playing who was also in the.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Paddington.

[Valerie]

Because you love him.

[Pete Holmes]

Great British Bake Off. It'd be great.

[Valerie]

He's so lovable.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. He's a little too lovable. I need more of like a whimpering, you know what I mean? That guy seems like what makes that guy so funny is that he is self assured.

[Valerie]

Yeah, that's true.

[Pete Holmes]

That's like the charm. It's like, oh, no. You expect me to be like, oh, sorry. But actually I'm in your face. I'm in your face. What of it? Look at this.

[Valerie]

What of it?

[Pete Holmes]

What of it? You off, Off. I feel like you could say fuck off in like Parliament. Like it's not Rude minji twat.

[Valerie]

Like, well, Parliament is a ruckus crew.

[Pete Holmes]

I. I think they. I'm taking it back. I don't think you can say fuck off in Parliament.

[Valerie]

I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

They would go, order.

[Valerie]

Yeah, I've been trying to say it, but they would just say order.

[Pete Holmes]

That is so funny. It's the judge's first day, looks at a piece of paper. It says, if fuck off, then order.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I was. I tried this bit at Largo this month, and I'm going to keep working on it, but it's like, what year is it in the courtroom? What. What fucking year are we pretending it is?

[Valerie]

Well, especially in Parliament, in British courtroom.

[Pete Holmes]

Put on your wig.

[Valerie]

They wear wigs. We've talked about this on the podcast

[Pete Holmes]

because I can't believe we haven't. This part. There's a guy in a gown who sits higher.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He's in a big, tall wooden chair. Because we're just apes. Look at how high he is. How do you get up there? And then there's a lady drawing.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

No cameras. There's just a lady with colored. We're like, what. What happened yesterday? Let's refer to the doodle.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And then you have another lady with

[Pete Holmes]

a typewriter, even older than a typewriter. I'm a pornographer for stenographers.

[Valerie]

Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

I do the closed caption for porn. It's a lot of. But there's a lady or a man typing. There's a man drawing. And then there's a guy who hits his hammer if it gets a little loud.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then there's like, jury in a box. The. The other part, that. Jury in a box. Put the jury in a box so we know where they are. And then the part. I think I've talked about this on the pod before is the Bible. Well, there's the Bible.

[Valerie]

You'd be your hand on the Bible. This criminal's not gonna lie with his hand on the Bible.

[Pete Holmes]

We think he kill entire community, but he's going to tell the truth if Jesus's words are under his hand. That's very good. That's right. Got to write that down. Bible killer.

[Valerie]

Are you guys seeing out?

[Pete Holmes]

But listen to how I said it. Hands on Jesus's words, I think was the moment when I realized it was worth writing down.

[Valerie]

But. Okay, Rudolph, you lit the pilot light.

[Pete Holmes]

And you can't have cookies without the pilot.

[Valerie]

That's right.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Valerie]

Pilot light.

[Pete Holmes]

And they could have DNA evidence on a guy, a murderer. And then they'd still ask someone to Point at him. They have his DNA. They're like, we have it on the scene of the crime. But Brenda, could you point at the man you saw that?

[Valerie]

Anybody in this courtroom.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'd love to know, has anyone ever pointed at the wrong person? I mean, let the record show she pointed at her own lawyer. Like, that has to have happened. A nearsighted lady. She's pointing at a house plant. Order. All right, this is why we have the doodle. Refer to the doodle. Thanks for that riff. Here's a great. Here's a great synchronicity that we had this week. I think it's great.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

So we're watching English Teacher.

[Valerie]

We've had. We.

[Pete Holmes]

Which is.

[Valerie]

We've had so many.

[Pete Holmes]

The best show in the world, you guys.

[Valerie]

English Teacher. So good.

[Pete Holmes]

It's too late. We up.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It wasn't renewed for a third season, and now I'm the dingbat that's watching. And I really think there's a special kind of appreciation that someone who made a show can have for a show that maybe people who didn't make a show can't have. What I'm saying is I'm watching it and I'm just like, how did they do this? It's not editing. They're not like clipping around making it perfect. It's like really X factor soaked performances of real characters behaving believably marinated in perfect jokes and situations. And it looks great.

[Valerie]

It looks great.

[Pete Holmes]

I love everything about it. The music is great.

[Valerie]

It's so compelling.

[Pete Holmes]

It's surprising.

[Valerie]

It goes down so. It's surprising. And it goes down so easy. Like, it's cozy. You would just.

[Pete Holmes]

It's amazing. It's of the time.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

How do they do this? They're talking about modern issues and, like, seemingly in real time. I fucking love it.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's. And Sean Patton, who I've known for years, is incredible on it.

[Valerie]

So good.

[Pete Holmes]

And Brian.

[Valerie]

Brian. Jordan Alvarez is. Is just like. You can't take your eyes off him.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

He's so compelling.

[Pete Holmes]

There's just like a. There's like. Yeah, that's the word.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

There's people that are talented.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And there's people that are, like, mesmerizing. And he's like, mesmerizing. And I would actually say not to take away from Brian Alvarez.

[Valerie]

Jordan.

[Pete Holmes]

Jordan Alvarez. But like, they put together a bang up cast where every single person is mesmerizing.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Sean Patton.

[Valerie]

I.

[Pete Holmes]

What is going on?

[Valerie]

I think.

[Pete Holmes]

But also the principal. I'm like, is this guy. It's like that school is real.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And that principal doesn't know he's on a show.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He's that good. And the. And the guidance count every single. And the woman. I'm sorry. And the woman. But you know what I mean? And even the woman.

[Valerie]

Can you believe it?

[Pete Holmes]

Can you believe the woman is one of my favorite parts. But honestly, she is. She's phenomenal. I'm sorry for calling her the woman. Good.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's in the students.

[Valerie]

And the students are fantastic.

[Pete Holmes]

Students are amazing.

[Valerie]

That's what's crazy. It's so. Some of my favorite shows are when

[Pete Holmes]

he's talking to the students, and you're like, I've seen school shows.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then you're like, oh, and they're

[Valerie]

funny in a way that is. Does feel modern. Like, you're like, oh, this is. I remember that. That's partially what I loved about Booksmart is I was like, I wouldn't. I was a teacher, like, 14 years ago or 13 years ago. I wouldn't even know how to write how kids talk now.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And they get it, right?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Like, I can just feel that they get it.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's. And it's fun to be privy to, like. Oh, yeah.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

They're all modern. It's different.

[Valerie]

It's different.

[Pete Holmes]

Who wouldn't want to see it? So it's just one of those simple ideas done incredibly well. I don't even know how you pitch that show.

[Valerie]

I know. And I.

[Pete Holmes]

In fact, I'll take it one click further. I sort of resent that you have to pitch shows.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

It's so dumb.

[Valerie]

Although it does. It is. It's funny.

[Pete Holmes]

It's gonna be like, I have a show.

[Valerie]

I know. Trust me. It's good.

[Pete Holmes]

Trust.

[Valerie]

I know. I. Because really, you can pitch it with, like, he's a gay English teacher in Austin, Texas. Like, that is very compelling. But it's so much more than that that it would be so hard to not tell everything.

[Pete Holmes]

I would say that the.

[Valerie]

The.

[Pete Holmes]

The. The gay. I was. I was wondering if I should say queer or gay, but, like, the gay stuff in it. The gay perspective of it is one of the things I love, too.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah. It's a big part of it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. It's also like, that came up so inarticulate. Like, it's a very sexy show. Yeah.

[Valerie]

There's so. I mean, he. Brian Ronaldo is so gorgeous to look at.

[Pete Holmes]

And Brian. Jordan Alvarez.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Bja.

[Pete Holmes]

Bja. Yeah. Total babe.

[Valerie]

He's so gorgeous.

[Pete Holmes]

Total babe. I'll admit that I've been working out a little more since watching that show and that's a real compliment.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

When I. I've told this before, but when we saw Once Upon a Time in Hollywood, remember Conan happened to be there. So I'm sitting next to Conan and Brad takes his shirt off on the roof and I'm eating Reese's Pieces and I leaned over to Conan. I go, I regret the candy. That's how I feel about bja.

[Valerie]

Yeah. BJ is, is. I mean, like he's stunning. And then.

[Pete Holmes]

And they make a lot of jokes about how he's like, I know you think I'm basic.

[Valerie]

Yeah. But I'm actually hot.

[Pete Holmes]

And that is what he is. There's. He's good looking, but in a disarming way.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Which is kind of like as good as you can get. Because if you're just like 10 out of 10, everyone agrees you're a babe.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not gonna also laugh at you.

[Valerie]

Totally.

[Pete Holmes]

Get out of here.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

Why don't you go have an orgy?

[Valerie]

Right. Well, that's the thing is it's the most attractive people are. Are good looking and interesting looking.

[Pete Holmes]

Where do you think, historically speaking, pirates really landed on ARR. Like, how many of them had to go ARR.

[Valerie]

ARR.

[Pete Holmes]

Did any of them go ARR?

[Valerie]

I. I know, like, that sounds like

[Pete Holmes]

a tick of one guy. And then the wrong historian was like, you know, pirates like ARR. But there was probably a guy like the captain of the boat where the first mate kept going, ARR. Was like, we're pirates. And then his first mate is like, we be pirates. And he's like, no, no, we're pirates and we're here for your valuables. Hide ye gold and ye booty. No, no, we're in charge. We will kill you. Avast. Your timbers will be shivering. It's like, nah. And they wrote down everything that guy said. And the rest of them were scholars. This is a sketch that got denied by SNL and madtv. Also passed on me. And it's not even good enough for YouTube. Kind of seems like a key and peel, to be honest.

[Valerie]

Yeah, it does, right? It totally does. I know. I wonder if that's just how like sailors talked. Not even just pirates.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not a natural thing to say. How were the seas this morning? Arrr. They were not like. It doesn't.

[Valerie]

They were not so good.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I like

[Valerie]

because of our.

[Pete Holmes]

Is a hard place. The sound R is a cul de Sac that is just sending you in loops.

[Valerie]

Ah.

[Pete Holmes]

Goes into I. All right. They went all right. Like, all right is a sound that can take you anywhere. Ah, you're locked in now. You have to reset. This is why they had so much grievance.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And did they really say me driving? Like.

[Valerie]

Well, that's what I mean. I bet that that is how sailors, like, off the coast of England.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Valerie]

Talked New Orleans guy.

[Pete Holmes]

That's like, we're going down to dumb potato. And we're like, what?

[Valerie]

What? And we're like, and then what?

[Pete Holmes]

And then we're over there, and we're like, what?

[Valerie]

What are you saying?

[Pete Holmes]

I'm gonna get. Don't. Me and Bill. Me and Bill. Gonna feel tomorrow. Don't rain. Don't say table. Huh?

[Valerie]

Huh? Why that.

[Pete Holmes]

I would love to go back in time and meet a pirate or a sailor that was like, me cargo is getting wet in this range.

[Valerie]

He is, by the way, my Uncle Buck. That's right. I had an Uncle Buck. John Kenny, my grandpa's brother, my papa's brother. They were both from, like, backwoods Arkansas. Like, sixth grade education and became loggers. And he.

[Pete Holmes]

I thought you were gonna say lawyers.

[Valerie]

Lawyers. They became lawyers in Arkansas, sixth grade. Like, getting a master's.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God. Very funny. Don't back away. Just own it.

[Valerie]

Just own it. I can say that my people are from there, but he really did talk like. Is it Boomhauer?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, Boomhauer.

[Valerie]

Boomhauer. He really talked like that. Would not understand a word he was saying. We could barely understand our own papa, and he was like, our favorite person in the world that we would just watch. We would go over to their house. Because in the south, you just go have visits.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm gonna go have a visit.

[Valerie]

You literally just go visit one of your family members kind of every day, and you circle through all of them. And so we would go have a visit with Uncle Buck, and the conversations would be him and my papa. We would just be watching them have this conversation where he'd be like,

[Pete Holmes]

Someone tuning a homemade banjo. It's like a cigar box and rubber

[Valerie]

bands, like, talking like a banjo sometimes. He probably was tuning a banjo because

[Pete Holmes]

he played the banjo.

[Valerie]

He did. He played the guitar. Actually, both of them were very good musicians. And he played the guitar and the dobro. He played the Dobro. Not the banjo.

[Pete Holmes]

The Dobro.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What's a dobro?

[Valerie]

Oh, my God, a dobro Sounds like

[Pete Holmes]

a hipster bagel company.

[Valerie]

A dobro is gorgeous.

[Pete Holmes]

Or the Dobros.

[Valerie]

It's Like a steel guitar where you slide. You have the thing and it's like.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's a sit down guitar. It's a lazy man. Someone was like, I want a guitar, but can it be on like a. Like a toddler's. What am I thinking about? High chair.

[Valerie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I wanted, like a high chair.

[Valerie]

Anyway, so you're like, they're nowhere. And then my papa, she's like, yeah, well, I don't know what you mean.

[Pete Holmes]

And we don't know if we did.

[Valerie]

We never know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

It's so funny to watch somebody who understands that, like, respond and try to guess from context clues what's going on.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, you know, just to join you in that. Me and my brother, you know, we have our own twin language and we're not even twins.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Where we'll just be like, oh, sorry, frightened me.

[Valerie]

Was that too loud?

[Pete Holmes]

You're all jammed up in your cord. I know you want to be.

[Valerie]

No, I just.

[Pete Holmes]

You're embarrassed.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Me and my brother speak in movie quotes so much. Where? And also, like, quotes from the past. So, like, Earn caught me playing with my action figures when I was like 18 years old.

[Valerie]

Earn is a man in Aaron. Aaron, that was Pete's best friend.

[Pete Holmes]

And I hid them under the afghan. That's right. I had an afghan on my bed. I know. Listen to the details dripping off this story.

[Valerie]

And also compare them to how different it is from where I just.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's right.

[Valerie]

Took us.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. You had a Snuggie. I had an afghan, yeah. But I mean, I. I find the afghan to be more embarrassing. I don't know why it is. So I. I slid. They were cops. Figures. Cops. C, O, P S. It was an acronym. I forget for what, but it was a cartoon in the 90s. And I had the great toys. Good.

[Valerie]

And I had the great toys.

[Pete Holmes]

Great, great toys. Beautiful cups. Love the cups. Anyway, I. And then he. I don't know how he caught me. He must have, like, seen me. And he uncovered them. Very embarrassing. Like, there's a mound.

[Valerie]

It's embarrassing that you have toys and an afghan covering it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, that's right. Every part of this. And he kind of opened it like a cop going, like, then what's this? Like an inspector in a dinner theater? And he just went, playing with your toys, Pete. Right.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So if I'm in a situation now where I'm embarrassed or my brother is embarrassed or anyone is embarrassed, he'll just go, playing with your toys.

[Valerie]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

Like, we'll speak in those Types of references. Or he'll just go, rum raisin.

[Valerie]

What's that?

[Pete Holmes]

And I go, pistachio. It's from a movie called Second Sight, which starred Balki.

[Valerie]

Mentioning these movies.

[Pete Holmes]

I've never heard of Balky and John Larroquette. And when I was in Night Court with John Larroquette, I mentioned the movie Second Sight. And he was like, wow, I never get that. But there's a scene where they're covered in ice cream. Like, somehow, like, I guess it was melty enough that it got, like, flung on them. And they're in their suits. Remember in the 90s, we loved that.

[Valerie]

We loved a suit getting messy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. People in a suit at a dinner with a tablecloth. And now, bam. Like, deal with this. Dennis.

[Valerie]

Fancy put together situations all of a sudden, chaotic.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's right, we. A dog runs through.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God. How many dogs ran through.

[Pete Holmes]

Fancy Sit Dogs had it made in the 90s.

[Valerie]

Oh, my gosh.

[Pete Holmes]

And they're covered in ice cream. And one of them says to John Larroquetti goes, rum raisin. I think it's the woman who goes, rum raisin. And then he, like, tastes it off her cheek. He goes, ew. And he goes, pistachio.

[Valerie]

Does he know the woman?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I think they're dating.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

But he, like, kiss. Tastes it. It's still gross.

[Valerie]

It is kind of gross.

[Pete Holmes]

Pistachio. There's also another one that we always quote where we were watching some sitcom, and it's Rich People. This is also very 90s. And the butler opens. They're talking about a bottle of Champagne being like, $700. And they're like, oh, my God, $700 champagne. And like, what? We're living off High on the Hog. And then another butler comes in and reads a letter, and he goes, you're bankrupt. And then it cuts back to the other butler, I think, and he has the champagne, and he just chugs it.

[Valerie]

That's funny. I like that.

[Pete Holmes]

He's like, the jig is up. I'm gonna at least drink the champagne. I know you get it already. So me and my brother, our version was we might be sitting somewhere, and we'll just go, you're bankrupt. Like, just all these little lines.

[Valerie]

Yeah, masking.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, masking. Well, we. We don't know what to do.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So we just say lines from movies.

[Valerie]

Yeah. I mean, that is not saying. That's what's happening exactly here. But not. Not saying that. You know, we know somebody who has, like, high. How do you say it? I'm sorry, who Who.

[Pete Holmes]

High testosterone.

[Valerie]

No. Who has severe autism. Who.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, highly functional.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He's autistic.

[Valerie]

Okay. No, that's not what I mean. And who speaks almost exclusively in quotes and, like, Toy Story quotes specifically. Oh, and he. It's incredible how he can find it.

[Pete Holmes]

The right quote.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He's like a soundboard.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not trying to be funny like you. Like, people do prank calls with Arnold Schwarzenegger, and they're like, schwarzenegger.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, I'm just. No, no. I just.

[Valerie]

I don't know what just happened.

[Pete Holmes]

It sounded weird when I said it.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God. That's a.

[Pete Holmes]

That happened to us before.

[Valerie]

Okay. But I just watched Nicole Byers, like a clip from Nicole Byers podcast, and she had. And I can't remember her name, but she. She said Schwarzenegger. And the other person whose name I can't remember right now was like, I don't think you're allowed to say that.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I was picking. It is a weird. And I'm sure he's dealt with that his entire life.

[Valerie]

It's probably not until recently. Not. Not until recently.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, I do it. I've never actually heard that.

[Valerie]

That. I can't.

[Pete Holmes]

No. But the thing is, one. It's interesting.

[Valerie]

It's interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

It's interesting. What you said that Val. Because I. Last name was. Is Momoa the new Schwarz. Schwarzeneg. We're done.

[Valerie]

We're done.

[Pete Holmes]

We're done with that.

[Valerie]

We're done.

[Pete Holmes]

I wasn't trying to be funny. Never am.

[Valerie]

I never.

[Pete Holmes]

I never am.

[Valerie]

Well, good, because you weren't.

[Pete Holmes]

You weren't. Everyone listening. Don't worry about it.

[Valerie]

Don't worry about it.

[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]

Hey, it's Julie. Louis Dreyfus from Wiser Than Me, et cetera. Just popping in with a little reality check. Food waste shouldn't exist. There is no reason that our leftovers should end up in a landfill. But that's the final destination for about a third of the food we grow. Our ancestors would be confused. They use their food scraps as compost or as animal feed or in weird soups. All the stuff we did before gardening. Garbage was invented. But composting is hard work. Living with a bucket of rotten food on your counter is gross. Most food goes in the trash because it's easy. And these days, we'll take any easy we can get. But now there's something easier. Drop your scraps in a mill food recycler. It looks like a kitchen bin and an iPhone had a baby. It Takes nearly anything, even meat and bones. It works automatically. You can keep filling it for weeks and it never smells. When you finally empty it, you've got these nutrient rich grounds. Use them in your garden, pour them in your green bin, or have mill get them to a small farm so the food you don't eat can help grow the food you do. Just like it should be. It's why I own a mill, why I invest in mill, and why I'm still obsessed with my mill. If you want to get obsessed too, go to mil.comwiser to get $75 off. That's Mil peel.comwiser for $75 off I'm

[Valerie]

Dr. Susan Swick, a child psychiatrist and the host of Talk About Able. This season, I'm talking with parents and experts about how we tackle the everyday challenges of raising kids. We'll get real about those pebble in the shoe issues we all face as parents and how to build resilience and community through our own experiences. Talk About Able Season 2 from Lemonada Media in partnership with Montage Health and their Ohana center for Child and Family Mental Health is out now. Oh, you know what?

[Pete Holmes]

That sounds the synchronous. But after this.

[Valerie]

Yeah, synchronous. After this. No, I. Before I forget, so many sweeties wrote in asking about an update on Leela's camping trip.

[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]

What?

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know. I just meant, like, how nice. Yeah, how nice, how nice, how nice.

[Valerie]

It was very sweet. Thank you for checking in. And I also got some really sweet messages about, you know, just parenting. I know.

[Pete Holmes]

You're so beautiful. You are. You always are.

[Valerie]

So this was two episodes. If you're just tuning in now, this was two episodes ago I shared that I. That Leela, our daughter, has a school camping trip that she wanted to go on alone, but it's overnight and she sleeps in our bed every night. And so I.

[Pete Holmes]

Not every night.

[Valerie]

Well, I'm. That's kind of recent. So. So I was just conflicted because I signed up to be a chaperone because I was like, she's gonna need me there in the night. And she was very, like, dead set on me not going. And she just wanted to do it alone and to. And in real time on the podcast. I really, like, sort of processed that, you know, I was resisting letting her grow in this way and that she was trying to tell me that she was ready for something and whether or not she was. It's my job as her mother to sort of trust her and let her try these things and to Let go.

[Pete Holmes]

And we uncovered, too, that, like, mom, in a lot of traditional situations is the more Teddy bear, like, yeah, oh, do you want your mommy?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So she was okay with me coming

[Valerie]

because my feelings were a little bit hurt. And she was like, I don't want anyone to come, but if anybody has to come, then I want dad to come. And so that was, like, kind of hurting my feelings a little. But, yes, of course you helped. And you said it's recorded on the podcast. You said it's probably something that we don't even know. Like, somebody was like, oh, you know, said to even someone else, like, is your mommy coming? Or it could be something that slightly.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

That made her decide she didn't want me to go.

[Pete Holmes]

And I know.

[Valerie]

And I think that is. And I think that is true, because after all of that, like, me, like, crying on the podcast, saying, like, I need to let her go and, you know, all of this stuff, the next day, I was going to text to email her teacher and say, like, leela wants to go alone, so I can't be a chaperone. And we are swimming in the pool, Leela and I, and she went, by the way, they read the list of chaperones. And I know you're coming on the camping trip, and I'm okay with it now. I was like, what? What happened after all of that?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, because now you're on the list and your mom is coming, and now

[Valerie]

it's like, oh, now you feel special

[Pete Holmes]

because you're on a list. And it was red for everybody.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

It was something else.

[Valerie]

She wants to be on the list. So it's. It's. It is just that simple.

[Pete Holmes]

I remember my mom used to volunteer at the library at our school, and I was like, that's so cool.

[Valerie]

Well, that's why she did it. Yeah. But I kind of blew it. I think I said this on the podcast episode because I volunteered for library Day, and she asked me to help her spell sound out a word. Or like, she said, how do you. What does this word say? And I, like, sounded it out, and it embarrassed her, apparently. And then she never wanted me to go to a library day again. Like, she really is sort of like, she holds a grudge.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, she'll crisp, she'll crisp.

[Valerie]

She'll make her decision, and then she doesn't. But it was very sweet. And it also was really funny because I was like, I bet this is the first of many times where she's gonna, like, put me through the ringer about something. And then it's gonna end up being a non issue. So anyway, the camping trip is tomorrow, so. And I'm going. And she feels good about me going and I feel good about me going, and that's how that whole thing got resolved.

[Pete Holmes]

But.

[Valerie]

But yeah, it was really funny that I just went through this whole thing and then she was like, I'm okay with it.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. Well, that's a. That's a wonderful update. Yeah, I'm glad you're going, but I'm also.

[Valerie]

Oh, but also the other thing is that she's been sleeping in her own bed all night since then.

[Pete Holmes]

It's been so weird. It's been so the parents listening. If your kid sleeps in your room and then often like, okay, let's. Most nights climbs in between you guys.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

When they start sleeping in their own room, it's so weird. It's so like, where are they?

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

You realize, like, and this is why parenting is so such. One of the reasons it's such a tricky pickle is you're like, you have to ask yourself hard questions like, do you like that she sleeps in here or does she want to sleep in here? And the answer is both.

[Valerie]

Well, that was the whole lesson of the camping trip was it was like, am I not ready for her to sleep overnight somewhere else or is she not ready?

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Valerie]

And it's. It's like that over and over and over.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

But it is nice to know, like, I wear earplugs and we have a. A white noise machine. And we leave our door open, but she's down the hall. And last night, quiet white noise machine. Yes. And last night she just went. Mom and I, before I even had a chance to wake up, was like, yeah, baby, I know. Like the nervous system is going to respond to her.

[Pete Holmes]

No. And that hyper attunement speaks to why it's such a sensitive issue.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, we're.

[Valerie]

Oh, no. Oh, Synchronicities.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, we want to talk about synchronicities. And then. I really love this episode. It was actually not actually. But it was really, really.

[Valerie]

You know what? I actually really liked talking to you.

[Pete Holmes]

I would like to see you.

[Valerie]

I think I'd like to see you again. Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So funny. That brings up my male friendship dating

[Valerie]

update, which is that lesbians are the answer for you now.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, yeah, I've gone to. I now have a flock. It's actually known as a murder of lesbians that I am hanging out with and absolutely loving it. And then that introduces the question, am I looking for male friendships? Friendship or am I just looking for friendship?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I don't know. I think because I'm feeling pretty good with these.

[Valerie]

I don't. Yeah. I don't know if you need specifically.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Be nice to have one or two. But yeah, I'm also noticing just like it always is, like, I tend to go in real hard and I'm giving myself the note to, like, just like dating, you gotta go slow.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Gotta go slow.

[Valerie]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

More on that next time. Dork. Next time. You're not a dork. I was just trying to.

[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]

No.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And your bit. So the synchronicity. I thought this one was staggering. They were actually a couple. We were watching English Teacher. This is why we brought it up. And I know synchronicities can be like other people's dreams, but at least this will be short. During the day, a friend, one of the lesbians, left their sunglasses at our house.

[Valerie]

House.

[Pete Holmes]

And they were in our car and Lee Val was like, I want to return these to the friend. And you put them on. And I was worried for a second they were your sunglasses because they didn't look right on you. And you were like. You said, I feel like I look like Agent Smith in the Matrix. And they were these. They were like, you know, eyelid shaped.

[Valerie]

They're little.

[Pete Holmes]

Little.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I went, no, you look like Neo. Like, Neo wears those sunglasses. So we had like a real stepped out, discussed. You look like Neo in those sunglasses. In the morning that night, we're watching English Teacher. The episode's almost over. Someone puts on their sunglasses and the last joke of the episode is, you look like Neo. Which I know it'll never mean as much to everyone listening as it meant to us.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But it literally took my breath away. I was like. And we, of course, we didn't even talk about it. I just looked at you.

[Valerie]

It was so fun. We just looked at each other like jaws dropped.

[Pete Holmes]

And it is happening so much.

[Valerie]

And that was.

[Pete Holmes]

That was the third one we won't even go into. The other two aren't as good. But that was the third.

[Valerie]

The third one that had happened in that episode. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's crazy. You look like Neo.

[Valerie]

It was so fun.

[Pete Holmes]

And the Rational Mind and I love it goes, well, yeah, Neo wears sunglasses.

[Valerie]

But, like, people make that joke. But also these ones didn't look even that much like Neo.

[Pete Holmes]

They did, in my opinion. You also looked like Meryl Streep. Meryl Streep loves a Neo sunglass.

[Valerie]

I just can't think of what? You keep saying that I cannot picture her even in sunglasses.

[Pete Holmes]

I'd Google it, but with all the AI slop, I can't know if it's real.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, one last thing. Julian Watley is a channel that I found on YouTube. And if you're like me, I don't even know this person at all. There's. This isn't an ad. I'm saying they're making a lot of content that is making me feel a lot more clear on what AI is and what it's about. I'm not going to do what I normally do, which is, like, summarize it, but I will recommend finding some interesting stuff. I will say one thing, we're almost out of human data. Like, we can map, like, how long it's going to take AI to kind of continue consume. He also made this brilliant point where he's like. In the story of Exodus, when Moses goes up Mount Sinai, remember, the Israelites get scared. He's gone for a long time. So they melt down all their gold. This is Julian Watley's point. And they make the golden calf to make themselves feel better because of all the uncertainty. He's like, that's what we're doing. He's like, the times are so uncertain, but instead of melting down the gold, we're melting down all the information. We're feeding something, a new God. All of the information. Here's all of our books, copyright be damned. Here's every movie, every TV show, here's every Reddit post. Everything. Take all of it, melt it down, consolidate it, and make a God. Because we're freaking out, and we need certainty. We need eternal life. We need a leader. We need Sam Altman. We need all the fucking CEO guys to lead us. And it's because we feel alone and we're so scared. I was like, that's brilliant. Then he also made this really interesting point that every update of. And you never hear about this, but chat GPT. I'll. I'll. These are summaries of the numbers. They're not the exact numbers, but, like, the first version hallucinated meaning was wrong 11% of the time. The second one was 30% of the time, and the third one is now 48% of the time. That means 48% of the time, it's just hallucinating on certain topics more than others. But he's like, we're in this deep paper that you had to. He had to, like, look up and scour. OpenAI was like, we don't know why this is happening. More research is needed. And it's like, but what is happening? And he's like, there's billions of chat GPT prompts. I believe it's billions a day. And what if I'm wrong? It could be. I remember him saying, bill, I feel like it was like a lot. A lot, a lot.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And he's like, that means every minute 17,000 people are getting a wrong answer. Your lawyer, your doctor, your employer, people scouring resumes are just getting a hallucinated, completely wrong answer. And it's really good at certain things, but it's bad at interpreting other things. It's good at like, you know, you know good at, but people don't know what it's bad at. And he's like, this is because what's happening. And I won't go all into it, but it's like it's running out of human made data. So then what happens is it starts making synthetic data, which is a computer is interpreting what? A computer that is interpreting human data is interpreted. So it's double interpreted. It's like photocopy. Photocopy.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He's like, and this is just going to keep happening. And that's what he was sort of positing is why the number of irregularities keeps going up is because it's running out of stuff. But it can't run out of stuff. It will make its own fuel.

[Valerie]

Wow. Instead of running out of it, it makes up the answers.

[Pete Holmes]

But he made the one that I really recommend is called is AI the new opiate. And he's making the point that like the tech CEO is the priest. Like, we look back on religion and we're like, what a bunch of idiots, right? That used to file into the cathedrals and think that this priest or this pastor was giving them hope or whatever. I think a lot of people are like, how, how quaint.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What you need to remember, it's like when you're stoned and you're paranoid. You can, you can't say, well, I'm just stoned. Because you believe it.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You believe it. So the people in those pews believed it and we believe in this new thing.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And. And the tech CEOs with no exaggeration are saying, this will lead to eternal life, this will lead to abundance, this will lead to every disease. It's the same promises of religion, healing, prosperity and eternal life. But they're saying, we'll upload your consciousness. This is the world is so frightening. It's too tempting. So we'll melt down everything we can to make the gut. And he also makes the point. It's like, guess who's going to be getting their consciousnesses uploaded first. That's why these billionaires are still working so hard, is because they're actually fighting against their own mortality.

[Valerie]

Well, 100% on our data. Yes, 100%. And that is what billionaires do. Like, I mean, I don't know if it's the.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry, Val, we're out of time.

[Valerie]

That, like, the type of ambition it takes to become a billionaire is somebody who is so afraid of their own mortality that they're trying to outrun it by having success, having legacy, having. But then I. So I think it's the combo of that plus then once you become a billionaire and everything is going your way, you get the, like, the delusions of grandeur that make you think, like, well, I could. I've gotten everything my way. I could even get.

[Pete Holmes]

Look to every myth and story. You know what I mean?

[Valerie]

Yes. Well, that's the thing, too. And that's what I love about the Golden Calf is like. And as you were saying that, I was like, right. The thing to remember is that we are not different from each other and we're not that different from how we always have been. Like, these basic needs and desires that we have. Yeah, we're afraid of death. We. We need each other. We are afraid of uncertainty. We need certainty. We like. Like. So it just changes. The gods change.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what. That's exactly right. You're hearing me perfectly.

[Valerie]

But that is the consistency. So, of course, this idea that, like, we have artificial intelligence and it changes everything, even including our own nature, it's like nothing has changed. Our own. Our nature. Our nature has been the same this time.

[Pete Holmes]

Julian Watley point that I am starting to use is he's like, it's not artificial intelligence. They don't say it's artificial intelligence. They say it's a large language model. Yeah, which is what? Which is what it is. It predicts the words based on all the words.

[Valerie]

Yeah, you've said that before on the pod. And I love it. I find such great comfort.

[Pete Holmes]

It's because I was really freaking out. I'm not saying there aren't miraculous things happening. I'm saying there's a real historical context for this. And as panicked as we are, isn't it nice to go like, oh, this is some Old Testament shit.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

This is like the oldest stories we have. And what is the story that Matt Johnson says, Nirvana, the band, it's not beowulf oh, Gilgamesh. Gilgamesh. So Gilgamesh is literally like the rich king.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm gonna get this all wrong. Who leaves to find the key to mortality.

[Valerie]

Yeah, it's exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

That's literally one of the oldest stories there is.

[Valerie]

We've been doing the same thing, and we are doing the same thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, it's also the Green Knight. It's also. It's like. Like every story is like, I'm gonna go into the woods. I'm gonna go into the data wilderness.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And the LLM is going to be the thing that I can finally play chess with the. With death and win.

[Valerie]

Yeah. It's so. It actually is really. I find it very comforting. And it's so similar to. I don't think I said this on the pod, but the other day I was thinking about, like, all the different. Oh, it's because I was reading Lena's book. Maybe. Forgive me if I did say this on the pod, but I was reading Lena Dunham's book and I was like, wow, this person has such a unique brain. It's so interesting. And she would tell you she, you know, has ocd, and she's clearly, like a highly sensitive person and, you know, she's neurodivergent in all of these ways. And I. It occurred to me, like, there's nothing that the human brain does. As far as I know and as far as I've ever heard, there's nothing that a human brain can do that all professionals and doctors are like, what? We've never seen this. Like, there's names and labels and diagnoses and other people who experience what your brain does across the world. Like, no brain is completely.

[Pete Holmes]

No man is an island.

[Valerie]

No man is an island. Like, your brain cannot do something that at least hundreds of other brains.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Valerie]

Have done.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Valerie]

I find that very comforting.

[Pete Holmes]

This guy existed throughout history. You know what I mean?

[Valerie]

Who.

[Pete Holmes]

What, like my brain type has existed?

[Valerie]

Oh, yes.

[Pete Holmes]

In, like, Shakespeare's times.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

There was some guy that was like, these chairs are a little much.

[Valerie]

Totally. And, like, the combo is unique. Maybe. But, like, as somebody who is afraid, often one of the fears I can have is that my own brain will just go off the map. And, like, you know, I find it very comforting to be like, even if it did, it would go off the map in ways that we've seen all these other brains do that.

[Pete Holmes]

You're right. It's. It's not quite as above, so below, but it's like in the big picture and in your life as well.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

What you're going through, what you're feeling today. Billions of people have gone through a very similar.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Almost exact. That day.

[Valerie]

Exactly. And comfort. And the fear. The existential fear of like, oh, my God, we've done it. We've created the thing that's going to destroy us. It's like. Yeah. And we've thought that so many times because that's one of the ways that our brains and our collective consciousness goes.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Valerie]

We think this is the thing that's going to kill us. This is the apocalypse. This is the worst time to be alive. All those thoughts. Thoughts are thoughts that have been thunked.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Valerie]

Over. Like, over millennia, like, or whatever. However long people have been life. But not millennia. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Millennia is only a thousand years, so. Yeah.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah, you're right. I'm sorry.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't be embarrassed. I do not have that. I'm not even sure it's a thousand years, but.

[Valerie]

No, it is. You're right. Yeah. Anyway, so it's just comforting to remember, like, it. The feeling is like, oh, we. We really are like. Life is living itself through us, and we're part of a bigger system, and we're just.

[Pete Holmes]

And it has a pattern.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like a. I know. I love the word undulating, but it's this undulating wave.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That keeps refining how it's doing. And there is progress or there is differentiation. Sounds like something Terrence McKenna would say. There's progress and there's different. These unique differentiations. I can't quite do it, but there's a great comfort in going, like, we've been here. We'll be here. This is what we do.

[Valerie]

Yeah. This is what we do.

[Pete Holmes]

You started agreeing with me before you knew what it was.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

You're the queen of my life. It's a CNC Music Factory song.

[Valerie]

Who? I'm just kidding. I do know that one. All right, well, there you go.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what it was. That was. We made it weird.

[Valerie]

There's a podcast for you. We made you a podcast.

[Pete Holmes]

We made you a podcast. Hope you like it.

[Valerie]

Hope you like it.

[Pete Holmes]

Hope you liked it. Bye.

[Valerie]

Keep it crispy.