We Made It Weird #255

Summary

Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Episode: We Made It Weird #255

Air Date: June 12, 2026

Participants: Pete Holmes (host) and Chris Thayer (co-host)

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Episode Theme:

This episode dives playfully and candidly into “cringe” versus “cool,” personal nostalgia, the evolution of taste, and the delicate dance between vulnerability and self-protection. Through cultural references (music, movies, awkward moments), Pete and Chris explore secret weirdness, using their own quirks and memories, with characteristic warmth, humor, and self-examination.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Cultural Arc from Cool to Cringe

• Nostalgia & Changing Tastes

  • Pete and Chris discuss how things once considered “cool” often become “cringe” over time, except (as Pete notes) for some aspects of Black culture.
    • “If you’re cool long enough, you’ll become cringe.” – Pete (16:59)
  • Examples include Chuck Norris, Sylvester Stallone, the Beastie Boys, and even childhood favorites like "The Goonies" and "Temple of Doom".
    • Chris likens the Beastie Boys to "The Goonies," noting how not growing up with them makes appreciating them harder later in life (34:38).
    • Pete observes the safety people find in beloved but “bad” movies, reflecting on his own upbringing and film preferences (37:04).

• Cringe in Personal Life

  • Both recount examining old social media posts and recognizing their own “cringe,” linking it to growth and authenticity.
    • “If you go back far enough into your Instagram grid…am I super cringe? And the answer is yes, because either you are devoting your life to trying to be cool and guarded and restrained, or you are cringe.” – Chris (16:33)

2. Pop Culture, Sex, and City of Angels

• They go on a hilariously deep tangent about the movie "City of Angels," dissecting an awkward sex scene, script choices, and fan theories (e.g., what if Cage's character was the devil).

  • Standout moments:
    • “How does that feel? Tell me what it feels like. I can't. Try warm. Aching.” – Pete, quoting the script (5:27)
    • "Is aching a thing? Maybe it aches...I'm gonna go ahead and step in as the authority between the two of us. It's not an aching!" – Pete (8:05)

• Pete riffs on what words are “allowed” in movie love scenes, why “warm and wet” is verboten, and how even sex talk gets sanitized for Hollywood.

• The conversation blurs into jokes about poorly aged cultural mores and the embarrassments of old favorites.

3. Musicianship, Authenticity, and Performance

• Mac Miller & Effortless Cool

  • Chris goes on a late-in-life Mac Miller kick, pondering how he maintained coolness seemingly effortlessly (24:08).
  • Pete admires Mac’s cultural authenticity (“he’s folded in”) and the almost mystical “cool” displayed in music videos and by other artists like Thundercat and Donald Glover.
    • “There’s a way they laugh…there’s a fake laugh that only black guys do. And I’m not saying that to be salacious…Except for Mac Miller, who was folded in.” – Pete (25:55)

• The Myth of Flawlessness ("Bloopers" in Music/Performance)

  • Pete laments that we never see the outtakes and mistakes from musical artists, wishing for a “rap album with the bloopers” (49:19).
  • They play a classic news blooper where a guest chokes trying to freestyle live, using it as an entry point to vulnerability and performance anxiety for both musicians and comics (51:11).

4. Fake Laughs, Social Cues, and Regional Weirdness

• A meta-examination of fake laughs, their cultural context, and how they differ by region or culture.
  • “Fake laughs are one of the most interesting, understudied…parts of culture, and I want to break it down by region.” – Pete (29:50)
• Pete and Chris mimic various regional/fake laughs, noting how these vocal patterns encode identity and belonging.

5. Dancing, Handshakes, and Physical Vulnerability

• Chris shares her intimidation around partnered dancing and cool, complicated handshakes—contrasting “letting it rip” freestyle with the pressure of prescribed moves.
  • “When people try to do [partner dancing] with me, I get so scared…It’s the soul shake, I just get in my head.” – Chris (28:28)
• Pete: “There’s nobody doing cool handshakes that hasn’t missed one…another tier of coolness is the recovery after you missed.” (28:41)

6. Therapy, Inner Critics, and Integration

• Pete shares a recent, powerful therapy breakthrough:
  • He discusses his habitual, unconscious inner cruelty and judgment, recognizing how it reflects an old survival strategy ("winning is the only acceptable thing”) and realizing the exhaustion it brings.
    • “It’s exhausting to think so little of people.” – Pete (61:24)
  • The conversation turns to self-compassion, including vulnerable and “cringe” parts, and the importance of integrating these aspects rather than shunning them.
  • Chris and Pete reflect on the need to forgive both self and others as part of growth.
    • “The forgiveness you extend to people and to reality is the love you extend to yourself.” – Pete (61:11)
    • “Talk to the part of you that thinks it needs validation from anyone else. Literally just dance like nobody’s watching, baby!” – Chris (66:32)

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Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Effortless Cool vs. Cringe

  • “If you’re cool long enough, you’ll become cringe. What you did will be cringe.” – Pete (16:59)
  • “The only way you’re not cringe is if you hide, and then you’re cringe for trying to be too cool.” – Chris (16:33)
  • On Mac Miller: “He’s a sexy dude.” – Pete (25:08)

• On Integration & Vulnerability

  • “There’s a completion when you’re there. I can’t just go around...talking about winning…unless I can integrate and incorporate and include...I’m a human being.” – Pete (62:22)

• On Music and Dance as Emotional Catalysts

  • “I cry at music and dance. Forget it. And music and dance together…” – Pete (18:23)
  • “Donald Glover is my favorite dancer. He is my favorite dancer.” – Chris (18:29)

• On Outgrowing Old Protective Strategies

  • “It’s exhausting to think so little of people. This is why I like to be alone.” – Pete (61:24)
  • “The sword you’re cutting up reality with, you’re holding it by its blade.” – Pete (63:17)

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Notable Segments & Timestamps

• Early riffing, Mac Miller, and awkward sex talk: 02:20 – 09:58
• City of Angels “sex scene”/fan theory deep dive: 04:03 – 14:13
• Cool vs. cringe, evolving tastes, and Instagram regrets: 16:33 – 18:00
• On the mystical “cool” of Black artists and fake laughs: 24:15 – 32:37
• Musical “bloopers” and authenticity: 49:19 – 52:44
• Therapy breakthroughs and integration of vulnerability: 58:58 – 66:11
• Conclusion: Dance, defiance, and living unfiltered: 66:11 – End

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Overall Tone & Takeaway

Pete and Chris deliver a signature blend of self-deprecating honesty, playfulness, and deep dives, using the language of comics, music junkies, and therapists. They model what it looks (and sounds) like to let “secret weirdness” out in the open, making it both hilarious and tender. Listeners are invited to embrace their own cringe, forgive their weird, and even, maybe, dance like nobody’s watching.

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“I will be unembarrassed that I’m me and all the foibles, and I’m going to let people see.” – Pete (65:01)

Transcript

[Pete Holmes]

Lemonade. Yes, you did. You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes.

[Chris Thayer]

What's happening? Weirdos indeed. We made a podcast for you.

[Pete Holmes]

I give good podcasts.

[Chris Thayer]

We made you a podcast. Episode. Episode.

[Pete Holmes]

We've been cooling it on the windowsill.

[Chris Thayer]

It's just for you. There's a guitar present, just in case, but don't worry, it's barely there. It's.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not a good. I wouldn't call it a guitar.

[Chris Thayer]

It's not a guitar. Our daughter still calls it a Qatar.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God. Oh, I have to go right now.

[Chris Thayer]

Okay, bye.

[Pete Holmes]

No plugs. Pete Holmes. For tour dates, spells to cast on your parents is available for pre order. Thanks for being here.

[Chris Thayer]

Get into it.

[Pete Holmes]

You Made It Weird is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds. Because Progressive offers discounts for paying in full, owning a home, and more. Plus, you can count on their great customer service to help you out when you need it. So your dollar goes a long way. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save on on car insurance, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states or situations.

[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]

Hi, it's Julia. Louis Dreyfus here, and I can't wait for you to hear our new episode of Wiser Than Me with Cyndi Lauper on Amazon Music. Cyndi may be a girl who just wants to have fun, but for 40 years, she has brought playfulness and a dash of punk to some serious activism. We talk about her lifelong LGBTQ advocacy, her astonishing music career, and pick up a whole lot of wisdom along the way. Listen now only on Amazon music included with Prime.

[Pete Holmes]

Yep.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah, you know what?

[Pete Holmes]

You can love it. Yep.

[Chris Thayer]

Oh, I'm so into Mac Miller right now, as you know.

[Pete Holmes]

I know.

[Chris Thayer]

And I'm late. I mean, I'm really late.

[Pete Holmes]

Your period's late.

[Chris Thayer]

I'm late. I'm pregnant with him. Post mortem humor. What is it? Post Humously Posthumously. Is that a thing?

[Pete Holmes]

I was thinking about a whole movie where, well, it seems like a rap lyric that someone would be like, when I die, I want to be in the person that God sends out to immaculately consume.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah, that sounds like, when I die, I want to be in the person. Knew it.

[Pete Holmes]

Could have made it work. What I'm saying is, you're like an angel. You're like God's angel, but you're the sex angel.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't act like this isn't Cartoon Network City of angels.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He's not the one that comes to, though.

[Chris Thayer]

No, but he did. He did.

[Pete Holmes]

I. The only part I remember that is they. He goes in the vision, I have

[Chris Thayer]

to become a man to you.

[Pete Holmes]

The only way I can become a man. No, the only way I can you. Is to get rid of these wings. I gotta get these wings out of here. But he's getting rid of them. He's really old school. He thinks they look like fem. Yeah, like he thinks that. Is that okay to say? He think. Yeah, fem. I'm trying to be.

[Chris Thayer]

I'm with you.

[Pete Holmes]

Helpful.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah, I'm trying to be helpful here.

[Pete Holmes]

Trying to be helpful. But he goes. They start having sex and he's like, oh. And Meg Ryan is like, how does that feel?

[Chris Thayer]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

And then he goes. I'm pretty sure he goes, warm.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And wet.

[Chris Thayer]

I think he says wet. Does he? You might just say warm. I.

[Pete Holmes]

We're googling it. What does Nick. I love Nick Cage's character say when they're having sex? And she. Okay, I have to say, what movie?

[Chris Thayer]

All of this.

[Pete Holmes]

She. This is what the Internet is now. And she asks, how does that feel?

[Chris Thayer]

You didn't say, I know.

[Pete Holmes]

That's. That's. What's so funny is I haven't said the key part. In the movie City of Angels, what does Nick Cage's character say when they're having sex? And she asks, how does that feel? This is the Internet now.

[Chris Thayer]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

You just talked to it. It's like Tony Stark in the 1998 film City of Angels, when aching, warm, aching, describes the sensation as warm, aching.

[Chris Thayer]

You should get that looked at.

[Pete Holmes]

Why is it aching? That. That's an AI. That's a mistake.

[Chris Thayer]

I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

The scene is featured on IMDb's. Welcome to the podcast where we just Google.

[Chris Thayer]

Google things. Okay, I gotta say two things about this movie. One, is Meg Ryan's hair never curly like that again in any other movie? And it's so cute.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, look, here it is. Do you feel that? Yes. And that. How does it feel? Tell me what it feels like. I can't. Try warm. Aching. It's okay. We fit together. I know. We were made to fit together.

[Chris Thayer]

Oh, my God, it's so hot. I still like that.

[Pete Holmes]

I like that you would like that. I like that we were made to fit together. She says it.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God, it's so sweet.

[Pete Holmes]

I really, really.

[Chris Thayer]

This.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's. This lets me know where you are today.

[Chris Thayer]

What do you mean? Like in my cycle.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, yeah, in your cycle. But also just like, you know, I think you could read that scene to someone to just like see where they are in the world. Like, are they receptive to the world or are they feeling a little unsafe today?

[Chris Thayer]

Ye. Because you could show them that whole movie. Cuz obviously I understand that that movie is cringe.

[Pete Holmes]

Is it?

[Chris Thayer]

I think so. I think now it's considered cringe. I used to love it and I haven't seen it since. I. But like in. Okay, the guitar's out. God, every girl in there in America has gone through this.

[Pete Holmes]

And I make eye contact. No, no, that's make. That makes it worse. Stroke better.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. I'm not gonna play it when everything's made to be broken. It's probably a minor there. Oh my God, it's probably a minor. I know. Mansplaining. Remember my bit where I go, ladies, I know you're not supposed to mansplain, but what you don't know is it feels so good. Feel what a rush. I've been saying, I gotta bring that bit back. That's a good bit.

[Chris Thayer]

I. And you can use this. I've been saying mansplanation lately. So somebody said, I hope I'm not mansplaining that to you. And I was like, no, actually I needed that mansplanation.

[Pete Holmes]

You're the voice of Lena Dunham's generation.

[Chris Thayer]

She is in my generation, but she's the voice of it.

[Pete Holmes]

I just wrote it down. Welcome to the podcast where I vaguely like thinly veiled. Try out bits, write them down. We Google stuff. If this is the first episode you've ever listened to, just know it's usually a little bit tighter.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah, sure, maybe.

[Pete Holmes]

Is it?

[Chris Thayer]

I don't know. I don't think so. But also, let me, Let me say I want to finish this thought on City of Angels.

[Pete Holmes]

Please, please.

[Chris Thayer]

I am real. Like, obviously when I think back on City of Angels, I'm like, I understand that that's cringe. But like reading that, obviously I remembered really liking that sex scene. And I do still in this moment, like, it aching is weird. Aching is kind of weird. But I don't have a penis, so I don't know, maybe. Maybe it aches.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm gonna go ahead and step in here as the authority between the two of us. It's not an aching. What's wrong? I would think what's wrong with that scene is they're trying to like, Cinemax it. Like, we can't show penetration. Like, you know what I mean?

[Chris Thayer]

Like, no I don't think that's the point.

[Pete Holmes]

That's saying warm and wet, which is how we both remember it. Simulation theory.

[Chris Thayer]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Simulation theory is too on the vagina. It's too in the vagina.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You can't say warm and wet. That's like dirty talk, right? You have to he. So this writer was like, I can say warm. No one disagrees with warm. Yeah, but you can't say wet. That's like saying hard, which also. Both hard and wet are safe words in certain contexts. But as soon as it's about the south of the equator, you better be talking about your knees. Like, warm. That's what I mean. This is what. This is what's fascinating.

[Chris Thayer]

Said warm.

[Pete Holmes]

Warm. But I will say warm and good.

[Chris Thayer]

Warm and good.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. He should have gone warm. I'm gonna Halo.

[Chris Thayer]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

He blew his halo. He blew his halo. And I'm saying that as someone who hates the term load more than anything.

[Chris Thayer]

And I blew my halo inside you.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Chris Thayer]

What?

[Pete Holmes]

I loved it.

[Chris Thayer]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

But I don't even like that. Metallica called it that there. They have an album called Load you. I get guys. And they were probably my age when they put that out. Is there anything more, like obvious to be like, we still fuck our records called load. Fucking go get a colonoscopy, you fudgeing middle aged. I love them, but still load. I haven't forgiven them.

[Chris Thayer]

Well, you know. Okay, so let me finish the thought on this because this does bring up another thing that I was thinking of. Of like, things that you don't think are cringe, but then definitely are later. But my fin. My final thought on City of Angels is it does have the through line of my favorite kind of movie is. Or one of my favorite story plot plots, I guess, is when somebody, like, is outside of life and in a more perfect.

[Pete Holmes]

I.

[Chris Thayer]

You know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. That's the most Valerie thing.

[Chris Thayer]

And they choose life anyway because they want it. Because they want to experience it all. And the part. And I really remember it, the part where, like, after she dies. Spoiler alert.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't remember that.

[Chris Thayer]

You didn't remember that she dies?

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Chris Thayer]

Oh, my God. She dies right after they. She dies? Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

You can't. Is this part of the lore.

[Chris Thayer]

It was aching. He had an STD and she died.

[Pete Holmes]

But one of those instant ones.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Where you evaporate. Like you saw the Ark of the Covenant. You just melt. That's how good I am. He's proud. And then we zoom in and he was the devil, obviously.

[Chris Thayer]

That's.

[Pete Holmes]

That Was if an angel comes to earth and fucks Meg Ryan and she dies, that was the devil.

[Chris Thayer]

That was not an angel.

[Pete Holmes]

Hot fan theory. Hot fan theory. Yeah. Hot fan theory. She dies. How does she die?

[Chris Thayer]

She's riding her bike and it's idyllic. And she's like so blissed out because she's a properly fucked woman. And she's like, got a baguette in her basket, I'm guessing. Like, I feel like she just got like groceries and she's on her bike. I think she's eating an apple. I really do. And then she's on this windy road and a semi truck comes and then you just see the apple roll real quick.

[Pete Holmes]

What country is she in?

[Chris Thayer]

I know that's America. Upstate New York or something.

[Pete Holmes]

This is America. Nobody in America is biking.

[Chris Thayer]

I'm imagining the.

[Pete Holmes]

To get their groceries.

[Chris Thayer]

Berkshires.

[Pete Holmes]

The Berkshires is a mystery to me. Brook Shields in the. Brook Shields in the Berkshires.

[Chris Thayer]

Brook Shields and the.

[Pete Holmes]

With burnt shears. Because my tool shed burnt deer. My tool shed burnt in. And now I got burnt shears in the Berkshires with Brook Shields.

[Chris Thayer]

Mac Miller could make it work. It actually sounds a little more like the rapper Brooks.

[Pete Holmes]

I love. I love how rap has gotten where they're like, we don't care that it doesn't rhyme.

[Chris Thayer]

We just make the word funny. And.

[Pete Holmes]

And then everyone's like, great, burnt shears. I got burnt shears and the burnt shears. I'm just.

[Chris Thayer]

Let's just leave that.

[Pete Holmes]

We'll leave the face you made when you said blamkins. Blapkins.

[Chris Thayer]

Blapkins. Cuz, I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

I know I just talked to somebody. I won't. I'll leave them out of it, but. Well, we don't have to get into that.

[Chris Thayer]

No, that. That is just a little golden nugget for anybody who knows what blapkins are. Anyway, I. Yeah, I do love. Oh. Oh. So she dies. And then he says. And I could cry thinking about it. Honestly about you, his friend, his angel.

[Pete Holmes]

City of Angels is my girl for grown ups. I thought you were gonna love that.

[Chris Thayer]

I don't know. I want to get there. I want to get there.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, it's not bees and it's a girl and it's a bike, but it's a truck.

[Chris Thayer]

But the whole point is that, okay, he gives up his immortality to be with her. They have really hot, warm, sec. Aching sex. She dies instantly on a bike too. And then on a bike, no less.

[Pete Holmes]

And then with a cargo, carrying a load.

[Chris Thayer]

Angel friend Load. His angel friend says, if you had no. If you, you know, had known, would you still do it?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Chris Thayer]

And he's basically like, I do it all over again.

[Pete Holmes]

It was worth it. That's how good. That's.

[Chris Thayer]

That's how for you.

[Pete Holmes]

This is how we know he's the devil. Of course I would do it. I prefer that she died like I got what I wanted. She's out of the picture. I'm the devil and I don't want the world to see me Cuz I'm

[Chris Thayer]

the devil and I don't think I understand that I'm the devil the devil

[Pete Holmes]

when everything's made to be broken Because I'm the devil I just want you

[Chris Thayer]

to know who I am Please allow

[Pete Holmes]

me to introduce myself. I'm a man of wealth and tears.

[Chris Thayer]

I don't know this song as much.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes you do.

[Chris Thayer]

I know it a little.

[Pete Holmes]

Everyone knows that song. Please meet you. I'll say. This was a bigger part of rock and roll in the 70s. 70s. You weren't shit if you didn't have one song where, where the guys were going. Like a real round mouth, like donut hole shape and a. And a breathy. That was. Now it's Mac Miller going, yep, yep. And Donna Lover going, yep.

[Chris Thayer]

And also Bad Bunny goes. He does like a.

[Pete Holmes]

They love it.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And what I am fascinated with is and I'm not teasing anybody but Miller, Mac Miller. And all of them know not to overdo it. And I think it's very funny that even if they don't consciously think about it, they are going like. In fact, I'm going to say this again with a bigger take. I'm certain that they listen to a playback and go, can you edit out that? Yeah, I did it too many times.

[Chris Thayer]

Interesting. You think so?

[Pete Holmes]

Without a doubt.

[Chris Thayer]

I mean there is restraint. See this? Okay. This is what I want.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a flavor, it's a seasoning. You can't be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so cool. Until it's not.

[Chris Thayer]

Until you do it too much.

[Pete Holmes]

One, one, two, one, two. Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Thayer]

Because then you're like still in season six being like, didn't I do that? And we're like, why are you still.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. God. He's doing. Got any cheese?

[Chris Thayer]

Got me cheese. That is.

[Pete Holmes]

They forced.

[Chris Thayer]

Gotten it so funny.

[Pete Holmes]

They forced.

[Chris Thayer]

Which is it? Are nerds lactose intolerant or do they like cheese? Which is.

[Pete Holmes]

I think it's both. And they're eating it in those high waisted pants and they're blasting out little Nerdy farts.

[Chris Thayer]

Oh, no.

[Pete Holmes]

Code farts.

[Chris Thayer]

But that's what I was thinking about. Cringe. Because I actually did kind of go back. If you go back far enough into your Instagram grid, you're like your own photos. Yeah. You're like, oh, am I super cringe? And the answer is yes, because either you are devoting your life to trying to be cool and guarded and restrained, or. Or you are cringe. Like, those are the only choices.

[Pete Holmes]

And if you're cool long enough, you'll become cringe. What you did will be cringe. I was just talking about this last night on stage. I grew up when Chuck Norris. I never liked Chuck Norris. I was like, this guy needs to settle down with those nunchucks. A redhead. A redhead with wooden sticks on a chain. Get this guy in the zoo. I don't want him in jail. I want to watch him.

[Chris Thayer]

I need access.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm saying that Chuck Norris, Sylvester Stallone, and Cobra and I always go to Richard Gere leaning on a Corvette. This was cool.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And, like.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it wasn't. So I'm saying, like, the coolest thing I'm gonna say, the only exception to this is black culture.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Black culture does fine. Boys to Men was fine.

[Chris Thayer]

Boys to Men was great.

[Pete Holmes]

Boys to Men is still fine. I'm gonna. Because of what I mentioned. Donald Glover. I was like. We watched. I got stoned the other night, and I turned into you.

[Chris Thayer]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

And we wanted to.

[Chris Thayer]

It was the best night of your life.

[Pete Holmes]

It was the best night of your life. It was One of.

[Chris Thayer]

You wanted to watch all the things that I love watching.

[Pete Holmes]

Weed is such a tricky pickle, but it hit me just right where it did. It's not a. Whatever. Who cares? I'm just saying, like, sometimes it makes me a complete idiot. And this time it made me, like, let's watch Littlefoot, Bigfoot. And, like, I'm literally crying at how cool it is.

[Chris Thayer]

I. I honestly, that's no sur.

[Pete Holmes]

I cry at music and dance. Forget it. And music and dance together.

[Chris Thayer]

And Donald Glover is my favorite dancer. He is my favorite dancer.

[Pete Holmes]

I know.

[Chris Thayer]

He's so good. And he has this quality that you can't teach or learn. It's just his actual own physicality, and it's like comedy. It's, like, good dancing with, like, a comedy.

[Pete Holmes]

There is a. There's something funny in it.

[Chris Thayer]

It's so good. I love it.

[Pete Holmes]

This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Summer is funny. When you're a kid, it feels like absolute freedom. But sometimes you grow up and suddenly it's like a logistics nightmare. There's travel, family visits, camps, scheduling. It can be overwhelming. And one thing I've learned that if you don't intentionally make space for yourself, summer can become something you survive instead of something you actually enjoy. And that's one of the reasons I am legitimately a huge fan of therapy. Therapy can help you better understand what you need, get clearer on your boundaries, and make decisions that actually support your wellbeing instead of just keeping Everybody else happy. BetterHelp has over 30,000 therapists that has helped more than 6 million people worldwide. They match you with a licensed therapist based on a brief questionnaire, and if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time. You don't even have to say yes to everything this summer, but do find support in therapy. That is real advice. It's changed my life. Sign up and get 10% [e-mail] weirdo that's better. H E L p.com weirdo this episode is brought to us by our friends at three Day Blinds. It's funny, we live in a world where our refrigerators are smart, our thermostats are smart, but too many people are still buying blinds like it's 2006 and there is a better way than three day blinds is the leading manufacturer of high quality custom window treatments in the US and what I love is they made the whole process ridiculously easy, streamlined and modern. Like everything else, they send a professionally trained design consultant right to your home, help you figure out what works best for your space, and give you a free no obligation quote the very same day. And if you're anything like me, that's a huge relief. Because measuring and installing blinds is exactly the kind of project that makes me have a panic attack and want to hide under my bed and regret everything that I chose. So three Day Blinds handles everything. The design, the measuring, the installation for you. Plus they have thousands of options for every style and every budget, including blackout shades, which was awesome for our game room light filtering blinds, motorized blinds, and even smart blinds that work with Alexa. That's the kind of upgrade that makes your whole house feel better. And right now you can get quality window treatments that fit your budget with three day blinds by heading to three, the number three day blinds.com weird for their buy one, get one 50% off deal on custom blinds, shades, shutters and drapery for free. No charge, no obligation consultation. Just head to 3day blinds.com weird one last time. That's buy one, get one 50% off when you head to the number three. D a y blinds.com weird. This podcast is sponsored by our friends at Casper Mattress, one of my favorite sponsors because I love slee. We talk a lot about self help on this podcast. We talk about spirituality, we talk about routine. There's nothing that's a bigger game changer than getting a good night's rest. And our friends at Casper are here to help. We've had a Casper mattress for years, but we just upgraded to Casper pillows. And these guys are legit, comfort, support quality. Casper makes reliable, high quality mattresses and pillows designed for consistently comfortable sleep night after night. In fact, Consumer Reports named Casper's the One Mattress. Their top rated all foam mattress of 2026. They're built to last. They have options whether or not you like firm, soft or somewhere in between. And they back everything with a hundred night risk free trial. That's 100 nights to try it out. With more than 110,000 five star reviews, they are obviously doing something right. And we can attest to that. It's also great if you have kids. They have new kids mattresses so the little weirdos in your family can sleep great too. Right now, save up to 20% on mattresses when you go to Casper.com. that's one last time. Casper C-A S P E R.com and save up to 20% on the mattress you deserve.

[Chris Thayer]

But yeah, the. The music video to Little Big Little Foot Bigfoot is like a deathbed thing for me. It's like when you. When you see the videos of like old people hearing like, yeah, my bad. And they're sobbing Little Foot Bigfoot.

[Pete Holmes]

Like when you're old. Yes, af. I will roll it because I'm gonna be fine. I'm gonna be ahead in a jar.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah. Well, with those sludgy smoothies you drink every day and the billion supplements. Are you kidding me? You're gonna live.

[Pete Holmes]

Bill Subs Bill subs I got them. Bill Subs I'm eating cheese. You are eating cheese. And I got Burnt Shears and the Berkshires with Brook Shields. You're using way too many napkins.

[Chris Thayer]

Look, look. Sometimes you can separate.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Chris Thayer]

A one joke at least.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. One thing from the person.

[Chris Thayer]

Anyway, I. And then you also wanted to watch Tiny Desk, which I always want to watch Tiny Desk.

[Pete Holmes]

And we watch Mac Miller and we

[Chris Thayer]

watch Mac Miller and I couldn't.

[Pete Holmes]

I always forget when I've shown the best thing to watch is music.

[Chris Thayer]

Yes. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I think I have to be a little dumb to like What? You idiots.

[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

I am not proud of that at all. I. So can I. What do you got? You got something for it? No. You got something.

[Chris Thayer]

I was just gonna say I was amazed at how he, like, because we even watched something from when he was a kid, and it was cool. And I was like, how did he stay cool the whole time? I know, but the answer is probably with great effort. And I just don't want to put effort. It's like magic being cool.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, he's got that video. I think about this Mac Miller video all the time. And he's. It's one of his early ones. I showed it to you. He's walking down the street, and he's just. You know, I'm. I'm just. I'm just a reporter. He's just kind of very coolly saying hi to a lot of black people. He knows.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm not. Bro. Bro. And it's like. It's effortless. And, Mac, if you listen to podcasts in heaven, my man, like, all respect, I wouldn't change a thing.

[Chris Thayer]

Okay, now you're worried about the ghost.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, he's in charge of the. And I don't want him to come down and teach me a lesson by showing you what you're missing.

[Chris Thayer]

I do, bro.

[Pete Holmes]

He's a sexy dude.

[Chris Thayer]

He's so sexy.

[Pete Holmes]

He's a sexy.

[Chris Thayer]

I really had the feeling.

[Pete Holmes]

Hip hop sexy is a. The way they adjust their hat with two hands.

[Chris Thayer]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I'm talking about.

[Chris Thayer]

And you know what I'm saying.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a thing. They lick their lips and they adjust the bill. They grab the bill of their hat with two hands.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's learned. It's learned. I did that on purpose. It's learned, Michaels, because the Beastie Boys were doing it.

[Chris Thayer]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Eminem does it. It's a culture. It's not even a culture. It's an industry.

[Chris Thayer]

Absolutely. Every.

[Pete Holmes]

There's. And there's a way they laugh like. He laughs. There's like. Yeah, there's like a. Yeah, I told you that. That's my observation. That there's a. There's a fake laugh that only black guys do. And I'm not saying that to be salacious. Well, I. I've never met a white guy that goes.

[Chris Thayer]

Except for Mac Miller.

[Pete Holmes]

Except for Mac Miller, who was folded in.

[Chris Thayer]

In. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And he had a video saying hello to a lot of guys that seemed okay with it. He's, like, putting his head. His hand on their heads, like, tussling. You didn't see that.

[Chris Thayer]

I didn't.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a lot of effortless soul shakes. And I say that with all the envy a man can have. There's a lot of. No, look in that. In that tiny desk. Thundercat is there. Who's, like, the coolest person when you're just like, oh, this isn't even our species.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean? Like, you're like a pharaoh or something.

[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]

Next level.

[Pete Holmes]

Next level.

[Chris Thayer]

Cool. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But, like, mystically cool.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And in between songs, they do. No, look. They just. Nobody. Nobody can hit them a hundred.

[Chris Thayer]

No one.

[Pete Holmes]

No one.

[Chris Thayer]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Even Alicia Keys has missed. Missed a few.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But there they are on camera.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

One of the biggest tiny desks in there, and they're doing complicated shakes.

[Chris Thayer]

So cool.

[Pete Holmes]

And, yeah, the complicated shake is all of it. They believe that's what. That's what corny dudes like me, I've done. I've landed a few soul shakes. Some on camera, some on camera. And every time I do, I'm like, It's very cool.

[Chris Thayer]

It's very, very cool.

[Pete Holmes]

And the first step to Fight Club is you got to believe in yourself, and a lot of us just don't.

[Chris Thayer]

And I don't start to doubt. I would start.

[Pete Holmes]

Of course.

[Chris Thayer]

This is how I feel when people are trying to dance with me. Like, I. You know, I love dancing, but, like, when, like, I love going to. I've only done it a couple times, but it's stud country and it's.

[Pete Holmes]

Can I talk to you for a second?

[Chris Thayer]

Queer line dancing.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, okay. And my queerer line dancing.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah. It's a 10% more queer out of the closet. Queer line dancing.

[Pete Holmes]

We know we're gay. That's what it says tonight. Line dancing, parentheses. The only difference is we know we're gay. And a pride flag.

[Chris Thayer]

Regular line dancing is gay. This is queer.

[Pete Holmes]

I would actually. I could talk out the other side of my face and say regular line dancing is the first kinkiest shit ever, because, like, we're not dancing. But we are.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's like, you fucking freaks, I know you're gonna explode. You're gonna blow a halo.

[Chris Thayer]

But then part of it is that you do two step, which is, you know, just like a dance, a partner dance that you do and partner dance. And when people try to do that with me, I get so scared and I get so in my head, and I can't do it.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the clap. Clap. Clap Clap Club clap.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah. Where they're, like, leading you and you're Doing, like.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Chris Thayer]

And you're just like, I don't. Like, I feel about that how most people feel about. Just like, here's a Beyonce song, Let it Rip. Like, I can do that all day, but if somebody's trying to lead me, it's like the soul shake fiddle brings. It's just like, I get very. It's the soul shake. I just get in my head.

[Pete Holmes]

You get the soul shakes.

[Chris Thayer]

I get the soul shakes.

[Pete Holmes]

But more interestingly, there's no. There's nobody doing cool handshakes that hasn't missed one. One. It might be how to practice Thundercat, who I just said is the coolest dude in the world. It just is gonna happen.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then there's another tier of coolness, which is the recovery you missed.

[Chris Thayer]

You know how I imagine it?

[Pete Holmes]

You missed. How do you. I'm fucking cool, man.

[Chris Thayer]

Like, pretend to imagine.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's.

[Chris Thayer]

Let's pretend to miss. Let me get you again, man.

[Pete Holmes]

That was fucking dope. That was dope. I wish you could see it. But only the Patreons can see the video, and we don't have a Patreon, so ain't nobody seeing the video.

[Chris Thayer]

There's no video.

[Pete Holmes]

There's no video.

[Chris Thayer]

Also going back to the. Like, I got that from.

[Pete Holmes]

It's Ernie.

[Chris Thayer]

I got. No, I got that.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it is Ernie.

[Chris Thayer]

Okay, sure. But white folk like Bert Key and Peel Critiquer's Corner, which is one of my favorite.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, he does.

[Chris Thayer]

That's what. Yeah. And he's like. And he always goes, that's stupid. Like, if he's. If something makes him laugh, he says, that's stupid.

[Pete Holmes]

Look, the categories of fake labs that we're doing. Fake labs are one of the most interesting, understudied, if anybody. I'm. I'm guessing a lot of MIT out there listening to this podcast, and you're wondering, what can I study? Like, I need. Maybe not mit. Do they do social sciences?

[Chris Thayer]

Are you asking me that?

[Pete Holmes]

Are social sciences. This. I don't even know. I want someone to study, not just. We've talked about fake laughs on this podcast before, but fake laughs just are such a huge part of culture, and I want to break it down by region. I want to know the fake laugh they're doing in Rhode island that they're not doing in Papua New Guinea. Yes, I want to know the fake laughs. Can you give me an African fake laugh?

[Chris Thayer]

Oh, my gosh.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That was.

[Chris Thayer]

No, no, no.

[Pete Holmes]

What? The audio dropped, and I said, what would Santa sound like? Yes, but there is. I will say I've been to Africa. That doesn't qualify me to talk about this. Oh, no sweating. I know. I'm saying oh is a bigger sound. When I was in Africa, there was more. Oh, no, this isn't. This isn't. This isn't bad. I'm saying in my limited experience in Uganda, there was more. Oh, and you hear it. It.

[Chris Thayer]

There's just more of that.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I don't hear a lot of oh, it was in Kansas. That's not a lot of white folk going around. It's like they have. And they have. No, there's something about the lack of melanin that. That makes the.

[Chris Thayer]

Oh, God.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm saying white folk.

[Chris Thayer]

Yes, I know.

[Pete Holmes]

What makes him white is the lack of melanin. I know. And then it turns an oh into yeehaw. And I want someone to study this.

[Chris Thayer]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

These are the tastes.

[Chris Thayer]

This social science.

[Pete Holmes]

And is this what they do at mit? I think it is.

[Chris Thayer]

I think it must be.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, oh, oh, there's a. Oh, what is that? This is like when Jake Johnson. No, I didn't think that was the fake laugh. I thought, oh, I thought that.

[Chris Thayer]

Oh, yeah, that's right.

[Pete Holmes]

Older guy in Uganda. Like, he was born in the late 60s. I wanna. To make it more comfortable. Yeah, but there's also like, boom, boom, boom. Say wh or no, you got the right temperature to turn me on. And then he goes, oh, that felt like maybe it's in. Is that Jamaica?

[Chris Thayer]

Okay, this is just. I just can't.

[Pete Holmes]

All I'm saying is welcome to the library where we have some weird book. That's what the podcast should be.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We just went into a weird hallway and there's this book. And it's like, why are they talking about this? Like, well, you ever go. We have. Me and Chris Thayer, when we were on the road, would go to, like, a museum of oddities. It's always a mistake.

[Chris Thayer]

I know you. We always mistake.

[Pete Holmes]

Where was that?

[Chris Thayer]

Oh, God. Portland, maybe.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Sounds like something they would do.

[Chris Thayer]

We went in and I was like, I don't like this. And then I had to, like, convince myself this is, like, old Christian stuff that, like, something didn't latch on to me.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Chris Thayer]

And like, oh, no, me.

[Pete Holmes]

You could make a lot of money with a sage stand outside of one of those places. Like, I'll blow sage on you because you're gonna see a conjoined twin. A set of conjoined twins in a mayonnaise jar.

[Chris Thayer]

It's like, it's like a store that Gabe from the office would like.

[Pete Holmes]

Gabe from the office.

[Chris Thayer]

Zach woods character.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God. Actually, what I found interesting. I can't do them. No, I can't do them.

[Chris Thayer]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh.

[Chris Thayer]

Oh. So anyway, we're all cringe.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah. If you're cool long enough, you'll be cringe. But the only way I would. We were saying is. Is a lot of black culture seems to have skipped to that.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And some. I guess we're saying just like Mac Miller's a white person and he seems to be in.

[Chris Thayer]

In like, the Beast.

[Pete Holmes]

Nothing the Beastie Boys did is stupid. Like, even girls. People love that song.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

All I want to do is girls. That song sucks.

[Chris Thayer]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

If that was a Weird Al song, first of all, it should be. And I love Weird Al, but nobody would be jamming it.

[Chris Thayer]

I'm gonna say something controversial. Not. Oh, oh, controversial. I think that. I think that Beastie Boys. Oh, to me.

[Pete Holmes]

See, I just did the. The white.

[Chris Thayer]

Oh. Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We turned it into. Oh, yep.

[Chris Thayer]

To. To my taste. To me. Yes, I would.

[Pete Holmes]

I can't wait. I think Mike D listens.

[Chris Thayer]

I think the Beastie Boys are like the Goonies in that. If you are the type of person, like, I'm at the age where I'm just loving this take a little bit too young.

[Pete Holmes]

Love this take.

[Chris Thayer]

So if you were the type of person who is a little too young, that you didn't discover it when you were young and you discovered it later.

[Pete Holmes]

Say less then you.

[Chris Thayer]

You don't. You can never get back in. And. And you think, like, and I'm not the bus.

[Pete Holmes]

The bus left the station and you had me at Goonies. I mean, if you weren't a latchkey kid that ate frozen meals three times a day.

[Chris Thayer]

I mean, I was, but I was older.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just being younger. I'm being a crispy.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I always thought Goonies was Spielberg for, like, you know.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

For kids that needed a little extra love and they didn't get it. So they were like, I relate to this sloth guy.

[Chris Thayer]

That's why I'm a hook girl.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Chris Thayer]

Hook is classic.

[Pete Holmes]

Am I being. Is that. Was that too unkind to say about no Goonies? I mean, I'm representing my mother's perspective.

[Chris Thayer]

People love Goonies, and I love that people love Goonies.

[Pete Holmes]

I love that people love Goonies.

[Chris Thayer]

I think it's very cool when people love Beastie Boys.

[Pete Holmes]

I think people that love Goonies love wrestling. That's all I'LL say, yeah, it's like that mean woman. The woman with the mean face.

[Chris Thayer]

I know. Or they just are nostalgic for it, but I remember watching it.

[Pete Holmes]

They're Temple of Doomers.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah. Which Temple of Doom was our family's favorite, too?

[Pete Holmes]

That is so.

[Chris Thayer]

I know it's very weird.

[Pete Holmes]

I serve you papers.

[Chris Thayer]

I.

[Pete Holmes]

It's very papers.

[Chris Thayer]

You know. You know why? Because. Well, and when I say our families,

[Pete Holmes]

I would never say.

[Chris Thayer]

I don't know if it was our whole families. I probably. My brother probably never. It probably wasn't his favorite. Maybe not, but it's. It's the most kid friendly one because the re. The other ones are like, talking. It's like so much talking.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I know what you mean.

[Chris Thayer]

And like, you don't understand what's going on. You're like, what? The most kid.

[Pete Holmes]

It's the most kid friendly in the way that the Phantom Menace is the most kid friendly.

[Chris Thayer]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Which means, like, off.

[Chris Thayer]

It's just the most spectacle one.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. There's the spiders and it's.

[Chris Thayer]

Please know that I don't.

[Pete Holmes]

It's my.

[Chris Thayer]

I think it's a terrible.

[Pete Holmes]

I would never call you to the stand to defend Temple of Doom.

[Chris Thayer]

I never.

[Pete Holmes]

But Temple of Doom is Goonies and Last Crusade is ET Or Hook. Or Hook.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And look, I'm a little embarrassed. This is what I've learned from this podcast. I do not defend this opinion. I'm just telling you.

[Chris Thayer]

You.

[Pete Holmes]

How I was raised. I'm telling you what ideas were pushed and massaged into my brain that still linger around. Do I think you can like Goonies in Temple of Doom and be a rad dude? I'm sure Canadian filmmaker Matt Johnson, who we both are obsessed with, probably loved Goonies.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean?

[Chris Thayer]

For sure.

[Pete Holmes]

You can. You can never know with him.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But like, I'm sure there are a lot of people I love and respect that love Goon.

[Chris Thayer]

I think most people.

[Pete Holmes]

Joe DeRosa, one of my favorite people in the world. I can hear him screaming.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah. Most people love Goonies. That's why it's controversial.

[Pete Holmes]

Goonies is a treasure.

[Chris Thayer]

I'm just saying, if you missed out on it, then. So I guess what I am saying is, like, you like it because you're nostalgic for it. Which is the. Which is the biggest to go back to. People might disagree.

[Pete Holmes]

You really nailed something. Because when licensed to Ill. See, see, that means something to me. I had a license to ill. I know.

[Chris Thayer]

I thought you were just gonna say I had a license.

[Pete Holmes]

What's funny is no one's ever asked to see it. I'm out here being ill.

[Chris Thayer]

I didn't even need the license.

[Pete Holmes]

I waited in line at the DMV. There's gotta be a. Yeah, the mic. DMV.

[Chris Thayer]

Dope. Oh, yeah. There you go.

[Pete Holmes]

Nice. Took me 5.5 seconds. Where's the supercut of me being quicker on YouTube? JK. But seriously, somebody do it. Okay, I'm kidding. Why'd I say that? That's embarrassing. But here I am, deeply wanting it. Anyway. The mic dmv, and I didn't even need my license. Deal. And, yeah, I'm. I'm full of my own ego today because I did a. I'm full of my own beans today because I did a set last night. I talked about it in therapy. Can I share the. The biggest takeaway from therapy?

[Chris Thayer]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

It's pretty amazing. A lot of these things. Speaking of Matt Johnson, when he did the podcast, he was saying every big thing in a movie has to be surprising but inevitable. And every revelation in my therapy is also surprising but inevitable. I even said that I was like, well, this is surprising but inevitable. So I'm talking to, like, the tender part of myself, the afraid part, the part that thinks we need everybody to like us in order to be safe, obviously. It's funny that that was a big revelation. I was like, oh, this is the part that when someone says something mean to me online, I want to go in and be like, let's get coffee. And, like, be like, no, actually, I'm your favorite person. I know you have this, too.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But the big revelation. I'm gonna skip over. I could talk for nine hours, but there's this cruelty that I have. It's mental when I. It's mental. It's absolutely mental. To never. Cruelty.

[Chris Thayer]

Cruelty. That's mental.

[Pete Holmes]

That's. Cruelty's mental. Why isn't that. Oh Is like, on the line, but I know. Well, this is how I signed up for Brownie.

[Chris Thayer]

And guess what? That British person we were just doing was black.

[Pete Holmes]

You're the queen of my life. Move in, move in. Get your mail here.

[Chris Thayer]

I do.

[Pete Holmes]

I want your mail to come where my man is.

[Chris Thayer]

I do.

[Pete Holmes]

We fit together. We were made to fit together. I'm the devil. I'm glad she's dead. That deleted scene. This is great.

[Chris Thayer]

I'm glad you said, now I can fuck a lot of bitches.

[Pete Holmes]

I can fuck everybody. I. Oh, I gave it away. I can't believe it's almost.

[Chris Thayer]

Oh, my God. Edward James Almost.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no, we're good. Sorry. I set an alarm because I have something, but it's not for 25 minutes, so we're good.

[Chris Thayer]

Early alarm.

[Pete Holmes]

We're good. Well, who cares? I'm the devil. And now I can. Now I can have a three way. She never. Oh, my God. Everything you do is tighten every screw and my ship that would have sunk without it.

[Chris Thayer]

Hey. Oh, oh. Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no.

[Chris Thayer]

Oh, no.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Do your best, Mac Miller. Like a real. Like, you have to. It helps if you go like,

[Chris Thayer]

I'm just gonna do the sound.

[Pete Holmes]

That was perfect.

[Chris Thayer]

But you really want to get that.

[Pete Holmes]

It made me gay for you. It made me like, you are a guy and I'm into you.

[Chris Thayer]

Isn't this right? This is right? Oh, this is. Oh, no, it's.

[Pete Holmes]

He does a thing that punk rock people also do, which is like, I'm so casual about this recording. I have something in my mouth.

[Chris Thayer]

I know. He does sound like he has something in my mouth.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't swallow my coffee this morning.

[Chris Thayer]

I don't swallow my coffee.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't swallow my coffee this morning. Yeah, yeah.

[Chris Thayer]

I still haven't swallowed.

[Pete Holmes]

And somebody's like, like killing it on the bass and you're just like, like. And what is it? We've talked about this before, but when there's a guy and a band we just love, like, he's the CEO of that company and somehow he gets the glory.

[Chris Thayer]

He gets all the credit.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, this guy's bada boom boo boop.

[Chris Thayer]

And it's like, only other musicians give. Give the musicians credit. I know, but I'm watching that going

[Pete Holmes]

like, wow, Mac nailed this.

[Chris Thayer]

They all love him so much that

[Pete Holmes]

they also do love him.

[Chris Thayer]

But I think they do.

[Pete Holmes]

They do love him. In between the songs. They're so into him. This episode is sponsored by our friends at Article. We just got Article new lounge chairs. We did a whole other upgrade of our backyard thanks to our friends at Article. And it looks fantastic. It feels fantastic. I've never fallen asleep sitting outdoors more in my life. And it has. So that's real. It has so much to do with these high quality, modern, but comfortable, well made pieces of furniture that that's what Article is all about. The quality is there. There's no some assembly required nightmare. And you can tell a lot of care went into the craftsmanship of everything that you find at Article. That's what they do. They make it easy to create a stylish home without spending a month researching furniture. Their collections are thoughtfully designed, so pieces work together, whether your style is modern, coastal or somewhere in between. And they offer fast, affordable shipping across the US and Canada. Great customer support which we haven't needed at all. It was right out of the box and done and a 30 day satisfaction guarantee so you can shop with confidence. Article is offering our listeners 50 bucks off your first purchase of $100 or more. To claim, visit article.com weird and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. That's article.com weird for 50 bucks off your first purchase of $100 or more. If you've been wondering where the good looking, amazing affordable furniture is, look no further than Article.

[Julia Louis-Dreyfus]

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[Pete Holmes]

You made it Weird is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds. Because Progressive offers discounts for paying in full, owning a home, and more. Plus, you can count on their great customer service to help you out when you need it. So your dollar goes a long way. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save on car Insurance. Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states or situations. And then. And then in the next. I've seen this before. Then you realize he's dead, and you get. I mean, for real, Rip. It's super sad.

[Chris Thayer]

I wonder that. I know. I was really sad when you told me he was dead. I didn't know.

[Pete Holmes]

You didn't know anything.

[Chris Thayer]

I didn't know anything about.

[Pete Holmes]

Didn't know anything.

[Chris Thayer]

And you know what? Now I watch him. Like, I watched that tiny desk, and I had the feeling that that previously was reserved only for young Bob Dylan, which we've kind of talked about on this podcast where I'm, like, I'm in love with them. And it. And I'm, like, grieving that I lost the. This lover.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no, I get it.

[Chris Thayer]

But, like, I never knew them.

[Pete Holmes]

I thought you were gonna say, now that we're parents and, like, somebody young and beautiful dies.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah, I do.

[Pete Holmes]

And I also have that for Chapel roan and Matt McCarthy. We talk about this. Us, like, Chapel Roan. It's like a. I'm not trying to be weird, but, like, sexy performer. But I don't see her in that way at all. Yeah, I see her as a daughter.

[Chris Thayer]

I see that, too.

[Pete Holmes]

And I said that to Matt, and he was like, pete, that's what we call her. I. He texts his wife and goes, did you see our daughter put out a new video? Really?

[Chris Thayer]

That's cute.

[Pete Holmes]

Maybe that's. I don't think it's creepy. It's something.

[Chris Thayer]

I don't think it's cringe.

[Pete Holmes]

No. Gross.

[Chris Thayer]

I don't think.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't think it's gross. What?

[Chris Thayer]

Well, don't ask me. I am cringe.

[Pete Holmes]

I know I'm super cringe, but I.

[Chris Thayer]

I felt that way. I remember that being a real paradigm shift when I watched Billie Eilish's. When we watched her documentary. So this was years ago, and I was like a new mom, and I was just, like, thinking, oh, my God, what if my daughter was like this? Which was so. Such a shift. Because if she was like, Billy island before that, I was like, I want to be like this.

[Pete Holmes]

What if Leela was an industry planner? Plant. I'm just kidding.

[Chris Thayer]

Not an industry plant.

[Pete Holmes]

I've only. I've just seen people online say that. So, like, Billy people online.

[Chris Thayer]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

And I do not agree with them. Love. Don't click on a Guess who's an industry plant video just because you don't even know what it means, because your algorithm will just be like, Guess who else is in industry. Everybody who.

[Chris Thayer]

What. What is an industry?

[Pete Holmes]

It means it's fake. The idea that she wrote Ocean Eyes in her bedroom is fake. They're like, that's fake. It's a story. They made it up. They recorded it. They selected her. It's like a click away from the Illuminati. People love being like, the music industry is the Church of Satan and I'm the devil.

[Chris Thayer]

Oh,

[Pete Holmes]

you're an industry plan.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah, No, I heard her on Amy Poehler's podcast, tell the story of how it all happened with. With Ocean Eyes, and you're like, yeah, that makes sense. I mean, they're just very talented.

[Pete Holmes]

I. I'm not. I'm glad I'm not one of those people. I feel like I could be one of those people if I didn't find the love of my life. See, that's what I mean. I just. Up. That's happened. There's countless footage of people up.

[Chris Thayer]

Freestyles. I want that footage.

[Pete Holmes]

That's why I want that footage. What is the. I do, too. But what is that news, dude, the bloopers.

[Chris Thayer]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

Where's the rap album with the bloopers?

[Chris Thayer]

Please release those tapes.

[Pete Holmes]

This is America. Sorry. I want that. I know, but you also don't.

[Chris Thayer]

I know. It's like. It's like magic. You don't want to know.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, I wish they'd put out a cup of coffee. That makes me tired. You know what I mean? Don't be mad because I'm doing me better than. See, I just fucked it up better than I'm doing you. But you don't want to hear that fucked up.

[Chris Thayer]

No, you don't.

[Pete Holmes]

You do want to be up when you hear it, though.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

This is wkw. What was that? What was that? There's the guy. It's on our news bloopers, and he's a guy, and he goes, you're gonna read one of your poems.

[Chris Thayer]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm gonna do a freestyle.

[Chris Thayer]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

We're gonna play it. It's not that kind of podcast. It's not the kind of podcast. But this has been a different kind of episode, and I'm gonna play it.

[Chris Thayer]

I don't think this episode has been a. Any different than the other ones.

[Pete Holmes]

I love it.

[Chris Thayer]

I think it feels different to you.

[Pete Holmes]

News blooper, Freestyle.

[Chris Thayer]

This is so good. You guys probably already know this, because it is It. Well, I don't know. It's popular in our house, so I don't.

[Pete Holmes]

I Don't want them to put the. Curb your music. Curb your enthusiasm. Okay, here it is.

[Chris Thayer]

Oh, my gosh.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no. He went back on.

[Chris Thayer]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, I guess we just got it. How long is the short? Okay.

[Chris Thayer]

When he says this is live.

[Pete Holmes]

Marsha Pope is a rapper turned spoken word artist.

[Chris Thayer]

Please welcome Marsha to the show.

[Pete Holmes]

Good morning.

[Chris Thayer]

Doing well.

[Pete Holmes]

So tell me, why the change from

[Chris Thayer]

rapping to spoken word?

[Pete Holmes]

Because it's basically the same thing. You know, I. Dealing with words for the Bible. It says in the Bible, first there was word in the book of Genesis, and so that's the book of John lives based on that book, which is the Bible. So you.

[Chris Thayer]

You're going.

[Pete Holmes]

That was actually in John for us now. Right, right.

[Chris Thayer]

And tell us what we're about to hear.

[Pete Holmes]

It's just a freestyle.

[Chris Thayer]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just going to think it out as I freestyle.

[Chris Thayer]

Well, let me sit back. Go ahead, Marshall.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Years ago, they tried to. Years ago, they tried to put me in the. This is last. Okay. They can't put the. They can't put the. I have a couple feelings about that one. All love and respect to this guy. The reason I like this video isn't just to mock and laugh at him. I know how he feels and when he goes, this is live.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I don't. I. I'm. I don't. I'm not. Not trying to belittle any. And I mean this very sincerely. I'm not belittling him. It's just a very real thing that you don't often get to see.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's very painful. It's years ago, but I was trying to remember years ago. They tried to tell me, and it's like, that's what we're talking about. I'm sure this dude rips.

[Chris Thayer]

It's so funny.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm sure this dude rips.

[Chris Thayer]

I would imagine, like, if he does rip, it's so interesting that he so quickly realized, like, nope, I can't do it. Like, I can't do it.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, okay, now you're trying that hard now, bro.

[Chris Thayer]

Stage fright is real.

[Pete Holmes]

I just did Rick Lastman's podcast, and I was stoned. It hasn't come out yet. And I tried to do an impression and I just couldn't do it. It might have been. I think it was because I was stoned, but it was worse because I was stoned. And then there are just some days.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

When you can't do it. And I'm fascinated with that part of the human experience. And there are Some days when I just can't do. I did an audiobook recently. I had my own years ago. They tried to tell me, usually old homes, he just walks around like a lit candle, and I feel great and I'm ready to go. I have my coffee and it's like, come do this audiobook. Didn't look at it. Didn't look at it at all.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then I got in the booth and realized I'm reading aloud. Like, when it. When I did my own audiobook. When you write a book, you write in your own voice, so it's very easy to read your own book. I'm reading our friend Woody's book.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What is it called?

[Chris Thayer]

Upward Bound.

[Pete Holmes]

Upward Bound. Our friend Woody, who. Who's brilliant. And I was honored that they asked me. And I'm sure the audiobook came out great, but every line I fucked up. I'm not exaggerating.

[Chris Thayer]

Not only did it come out great, but look at what that Woody's mom sent me yesterday. It's on the best audio books of 2026.

[Pete Holmes]

Nice. Well, that's amazing. I. I played my small part. Here's what I want to say, though. My years ago, they tried to tell me I was up so much. I had smoked weed the night before.

[Chris Thayer]

Ah.

[Pete Holmes]

I. And I probably. Knowing me with weed, I had probably smoked weed the night before. Before I was just like, I'm in a nothing place. I'm not. I know I have that audio book. So I'm puffing on the cron. I'm mowing the lawn. I go into this hilarious.

[Chris Thayer]

I can't even let it go.

[Pete Holmes]

I go into the studio to lay down some tracks. Right. I'm just kidding. To do. To do this audiobook. Oh, my God. And I. If the line was, it was the morning and the children showed up early, I would have been like, it was the morning. And, ah, it was the morning and the children. It was the morning and the children showed up early. And then I'd do the next line and I'd that up twice. And then I'd do it right. And they just had to cobble it together.

[Chris Thayer]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

So please do listen to that and know that what you're listening to has over 78 cuts.

[Chris Thayer]

You wouldn't really. The editors should get the. The.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, absolutely. But what it was, was I was like. And I. I say this to you about weed all the time. I'm like, like, all my life, I coast on my charisma and my. For lack of a better word, please. My Riz and my Towel.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Tal Compow. Talent. And I. I smoke a thing sometimes that makes that go away. Like, what am I doing?

[Chris Thayer]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

Years ago, they tried to.

[Chris Thayer]

You know what's so funny, too?

[Pete Holmes]

Years ago.

[Chris Thayer]

Because I see how you are when you're stoned.

[Pete Holmes]

I like it.

[Chris Thayer]

It's really like.

[Pete Holmes]

I do like it.

[Chris Thayer]

It's the thing that I. Okay, this is my. My point that I've made before on this podcast, but it's like the universe bends towards balance.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it does.

[Chris Thayer]

And so it's like if. Yeah. You can have alcohol and feel like.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's right.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah. Yeah. But tomorrow you're gonna feel old as. And you're gonna feel like total garbage.

[Pete Holmes]

You're borrowing because you're borrowing from tomorrow.

[Chris Thayer]

I just had that with weed, too. With your rizz, specifically.

[Pete Holmes]

My rizz, because you are double rizz.

[Chris Thayer]

You'll get double brizz. You'll get too much rizz.

[Pete Holmes]

Too much riz. Well, you're the only one that would know, and you just said it. So I get too much riz. And then the next day, couldn't read a 6, 7, 812 page chapter of a book.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It was fucked. In fact, that happened. I'll make this point super fast and I want to make my therapy thing real quick.

[Chris Thayer]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

But I got back to the hotel because I got a hotel, so I wouldn't. Obviously, I'm not going to drive Stone. And I got back to the hotel and luckily the room service was closed because. Oh, you're yawning. And it's gonna make me.

[Chris Thayer]

I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You just said hotel and I thought about bed.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, is there anything better than a hotel bed?

[Chris Thayer]

Nothing.

[Pete Holmes]

Even though thousands of strangers have farted and on it, it still looks like the cleanest thing God ever made.

[Chris Thayer]

I know. How did they do that?

[Pete Holmes]

Hot water and bleach.

[Chris Thayer]

I hope so. The nicest one.

[Pete Holmes]

They hope so. I was very stone and I was like, pete, I know you want to order a pizza, but if you do, you'll. You'll feel like shit. You'll sleep like shit. And I was really talking to myself. I was like, I'm asking you. You have a 6 out of 10 good feeling eating pizza, or you can have a 9 out of 10 tomorrow when you wake up and realize you didn't. And because everything was closed anyway, I woke up and got the nine out of 10. And that's being a grown up.

[Chris Thayer]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

A grown up is going to. I can get two marshmallows Later. And two marshmallows is the feeling of not having heartburn. And fucking fever dreams brought to you by my fucking dominoes. Yeah. Here's the thing from therapy. So I developed this protector, this strategy, and I. It was modeled for me as well, which is like, be a winner, win, succeed, Success is the best high. And weakness is to another little.

[Chris Thayer]

I'm sorry.

[Pete Holmes]

I love you.

[Chris Thayer]

I'm sorry. I stopped it. I stopped it.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. And I think I caught it. What is a yawn? It's just like a big gulp of air.

[Chris Thayer]

But you know what I think sometimes

[Pete Holmes]

the most basic thing, it's just a big gulp of air years ago.

[Chris Thayer]

Sometimes it's just your. Your system resetting. It's not that I'm bored or tired. Okay, please continue. I'm gonna.

[Pete Holmes]

I see people falling asleep in my crowds all the time. It's the highest compliment, really. Means they feel safe. No, I'm kidding. But anyway, I go around thinking, having learned the lesson that winning is the only acceptable thing.

[Chris Thayer]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

Intelligence, slickness, confidence. And I don't even present that way most of the time. I'm just saying, these are my. It is funny. You'd think I was Jon Hamm. Yeah, exactly. You. I go to the airport in my PJs, and I'm like, slickness, confidence, intelligence. Like, really? Imagine if I didn't have this compulsion. I don't comb my hair.

[Chris Thayer]

No, you don't.

[Pete Holmes]

What? What?

[Chris Thayer]

And you wake up with the craziest thing I know.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm like, this is right.

[Chris Thayer]

And you just go to coffee that way.

[Pete Holmes]

Go to it. Let people deal with the outline of my dick in my sweatpants when we're in line. Let people deal with the outline of my dick when we're sweatpants in line. Anyway, barista should know.

[Chris Thayer]

You're not circumcised. You are. I'm just kidding.

[Pete Holmes]

Of course I am. It's clean. Not that being uncircumcised is not clean

[Chris Thayer]

to say not circumcised between the two.

[Pete Holmes]

I. I think it's funny that being uncircumcised. If you're gonna make fun of one, you're probably gonna make fun of. He was uncircumcised. But it's funny that, like, the people that get, like, a dick lift.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Can you cut my dick? I want. I want the part that's you that's covered that. God was like, cover that up.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah. It's sensitive.

[Pete Holmes]

I want that out.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I want it in the outline of my Sweatpants. And you make fun of the guy that just didn't do anything. I went to a plastic surgeon for dicks. And I'm the normal guy. Why? Because we all did it.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Respect. If you got the sleeve, it doesn't matter what you believe. From. And your mom, you got to cleave. That's a fancy word for leave.

[Chris Thayer]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Really nice.

[Chris Thayer]

I liked it. I liked it.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Anyway, I realize I'm very cruel to people. I go around and I. Like, we've talked about this. Like, I just kind of have, like a lot of. If somebody's dumb, I'm just like, that person's dumb. And I will go, they're dumb. And you'll bring them up and I'll make some joke about how they're dumb. Like, I have this hyper attuned alarm system. I'm not proud of this and I am working on it. But obviously one of the main problems is there's a huge part of me that's dumb. Obviously, there's a huge part of me that's tender. There's a huge part of me that's vulnerable. And there's nothing wrong with any of these things. But when all I do is go around and it's like when you tell your kid to be kind, but then you're unkind to everybody, they're gonna be unkind. And I'm telling my inner child, children, all the parts of myself, I love you just how you are. But then I'm mean to everybody. That's like that part. So I have a weak. Not weak, a vulnerable, tender part of myself, and I say, hey, I love you. You're me. You're all good. Don't worry. But then everyone I meet that's a little bit like that, that I go, I. In my mind, I'm mean to them or I dismiss them. So this is the old. The oldest thing in the book. It's like the forgiveness you extend to people and to reality, and the love you extend to people and reality is the love you extend to yourself.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah, it's.

[Pete Holmes]

It's the oldest thing in the world. But the line that I really wanted to say, I was like, really in it, almost like in a trance. I was thinking about just how this alarm system and how, like, I'll be walking through the airport and I'm like, stupid, ugly, whatever. And I'm like. I went. It's exhausting to think so little of people. It's like the opening line of a great book. It's exhausting to think so little people but it's true.

[Chris Thayer]

I think that's true.

[Pete Holmes]

I go, this is why I like to be alone. This is why I don't want really to have friends. I hate it. But I'm working on all of this. And that's what my therapy is, is we find all these old programs, and then we have a clear. We step outside of that and we have a clear conversation. And I go, one, I'm sorry. Two, you're absolutely right. Three, I love you. And there was this beautiful part where I was talking to this tender part of myself, and I was like, I want to fold you into me. Like, I love you.

[Chris Thayer]

Like, that's integration, baby.

[Pete Holmes]

Exactly. And I was like, there's a completion when you're there. I can't just go around. Not to point fingers, but, you know, I grew up in a family where it was like, we talk about winning, and that's kind of the end of the list. And I was like, then I do have to live and die by every Internet comment unless I can integrate and incorporate and include. I'm wrong all the time. Maybe I'm not funny all. Of course I'm not funny all day or whatever it is. Yeah, I'm a human being.

[Chris Thayer]

Totally.

[Pete Holmes]

But I'm so cruel to everybody else's weakness. I have to, like, start. And I'm really. And I said that to him. I was like, it's not just therapy. We're going to go out. We're gonna try. This is why I'm obsessed with the homeboy books. I love people that can love people. Obviously, you. And I'm like, really starting to get the message. Like, this isn't a benign habit. If I'm going around, you know, I do it. You mention somebody, I go, big head. You go there and go, dumb, dumb, whatever it is. And I'm just like, well, guess what? The sword you're cutting up reality with, you're holding it by its blade. Your hand is like. Like, severed. Awful. It's exhausting thinking so little of people.

[Chris Thayer]

That's true. Because it isn't your nature.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it's not. And that's. Sorry. That's what I get a clear look at during therapy is I go, oh, this is the real me. And Rupert talks about that, too. When you're spacious, when you're open, when you're loving, there's a real sense of like, oh, this is the. Like, people have that on mushrooms or ecstasy. They're like, this is me. This is me. And that's what I'm calling the alarm system. The. All these things that are set, set up to protect us, but we need to update them and go. We're still going to be safe, we're still going to be discerning, but we don't have to walk around and go like, you got your cell phone on your belt. Like, it's.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah, yeah. Well, it's, it's. And it's. I, it. It's what you're saying. It. There's no shame, there's no way use in feeling ashamed of it, but it is because it, you know, it served a purpose at one time and it's not. And then in the. There's no bad parts way, like it's just not serving you anymore.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Chris Thayer]

You know.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh. Oh, that's so funny. While you were talking, I was like, was that okay to talk about. Oh. And I was like, yeah. You said, in my experience in Uganda,

[Chris Thayer]

look, we're living our lives. We're taking a page literally out of Lean Tina Dunham's new book, fame Sick. It's so good. And just gonna. We're gonna be a hot mess in front of everybody who gives a. I agree with that. If my Instagram grid is cringy, I'm living my life, baby.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, it's funny that you said that because this part is the part that's like, we need everybody to like us and therefore you should stop what you're doing. Like, stop. And I said, I was like, if there is. And I, I'm not sure how I feel about this, but some people with near death experiences talk about life reviews and the feeling, the impact you had on people. And I've talked about this before, but like my mission statement, one of them for life is I will be unembarrassed that I'm me and all the foibles and I'm going to let people see. And there is this untold cost. There's these parts that are like, fucking stop it. And I have to tell it. I'm like, no, we expire, we're here, let's make mistakes. All that classic stuff.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But it, it's not what I'm. The more in touch with my feelings and my body and my heart I get, the more I'm like, oh, there are parts of me that are terrified and I need to talk to them.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And be like, I promise it's gonna be okay.

[Chris Thayer]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

This is, this is a good life. It's a good life. To live it and share it and, and even make little mistakes and big mistakes and whatever it might be.

[Chris Thayer]

So much of it. Oh, we always think we have to like change. It's like if this is, like, if this is feeling this tight. So if I'm like, oh my God, I think I was cringe on my Instagram.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, what post are you thinking about when you say that?

[Chris Thayer]

Just all the dancing stuff mostly. And like, what I'm.

[Pete Holmes]

People are inspired by how you move.

[Chris Thayer]

Then I, I. You would think the answer would be like, okay, so just like, like comb through and get like, really hone your image. And it's like, no, just talk to the part of you that thinks that it needs to have validation from anyone else. And literally just like dance like nobody's watching, baby. That's not even the same. The rhythm of the song, it's in three.

[Pete Holmes]

Thank you very much. One, two, three. One, two, three.

[Chris Thayer]

I don't really say it's in three.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's three.

[Chris Thayer]

Three. Three. Three.

[Pete Holmes]

You can just say three. Musicians just say three. I don't think they do, but I'm gonna own it.

[Chris Thayer]

You sure it's not in 3, 4? 1, 2, 3.

[Pete Holmes]

1, 2, 3, 1. I don't know, it could be 3, 4. I think it's called 3, 3 Mario Brothers 3, 3. Because I don't want the world to see me.

[Chris Thayer]

I don't think that they understand when

[Pete Holmes]

everything's made to be broken. I just want you to get hit by a bus after we fuck so I can fuck other people. I'm the devil.

[Chris Thayer]

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