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Pete Holmes
Lemonade. Yes, you did. You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes.
Chris Thayer
What's happening? Weirdos indeed. We made a podcast for you.
Pete Holmes
I give good podcasts.
Chris Thayer
We made you a podcast. Episode. Episode.
Pete Holmes
We've been cooling it on the windowsill.
Chris Thayer
It's just for you. There's a guitar present, just in case, but don't worry, it's barely there. It's.
Pete Holmes
It's not a good. I wouldn't call it a guitar.
Chris Thayer
It's not a guitar. Our daughter still calls it a Qatar.
Pete Holmes
Oh, my God. Oh, I have to go right now.
Chris Thayer
Okay, bye.
Pete Holmes
No plugs. Pete Holmes. For tour dates, spells to cast on your parents is available for pre order. Thanks for being here.
Chris Thayer
Get into it.
Pete Holmes
You Made It Weird is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds. Because Progressive offers discounts for paying in full, owning a home, and more. Plus, you can count on their great customer service to help you out when you need it. So your dollar goes a long way. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save on on car insurance, Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates. Potential savings will vary. Not available in all states or situations.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Hi, it's Julia. Louis Dreyfus here, and I can't wait for you to hear our new episode of Wiser Than Me with Cyndi Lauper on Amazon Music. Cyndi may be a girl who just wants to have fun, but for 40 years, she has brought playfulness and a dash of punk to some serious activism. We talk about her lifelong LGBTQ advocacy, her astonishing music career, and pick up a whole lot of wisdom along the way. Listen now only on Amazon music included with Prime.
Pete Holmes
Yep.
Chris Thayer
Yeah, you know what?
Pete Holmes
You can love it. Yep.
Chris Thayer
Oh, I'm so into Mac Miller right now, as you know.
Pete Holmes
I know.
Chris Thayer
And I'm late. I mean, I'm really late.
Pete Holmes
Your period's late.
Chris Thayer
I'm late. I'm pregnant with him. Post mortem humor. What is it? Post Humously Posthumously. Is that a thing?
Pete Holmes
I was thinking about a whole movie where, well, it seems like a rap lyric that someone would be like, when I die, I want to be in the person that God sends out to immaculately consume.
Chris Thayer
Yeah, that sounds like, when I die, I want to be in the person. Knew it.
Pete Holmes
Could have made it work. What I'm saying is, you're like an angel. You're like God's angel, but you're the sex angel.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
Don't act like this isn't Cartoon Network City of angels.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
He's not the one that comes to, though.
Chris Thayer
No, but he did. He did.
Pete Holmes
I. The only part I remember that is they. He goes in the vision, I have
Chris Thayer
to become a man to you.
Pete Holmes
The only way I can become a man. No, the only way I can you. Is to get rid of these wings. I gotta get these wings out of here. But he's getting rid of them. He's really old school. He thinks they look like fem. Yeah, like he thinks that. Is that okay to say? He think. Yeah, fem. I'm trying to be.
Chris Thayer
I'm with you.
Pete Holmes
Helpful.
Chris Thayer
Yeah, I'm trying to be helpful here.
Pete Holmes
Trying to be helpful. But he goes. They start having sex and he's like, oh. And Meg Ryan is like, how does that feel?
Chris Thayer
I know.
Pete Holmes
And then he goes. I'm pretty sure he goes, warm.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
And wet.
Chris Thayer
I think he says wet. Does he? You might just say warm. I.
Pete Holmes
We're googling it. What does Nick. I love Nick Cage's character say when they're having sex? And she. Okay, I have to say, what movie?
Chris Thayer
All of this.
Pete Holmes
She. This is what the Internet is now. And she asks, how does that feel?
Chris Thayer
You didn't say, I know.
Pete Holmes
That's. That's. What's so funny is I haven't said the key part. In the movie City of Angels, what does Nick Cage's character say when they're having sex? And she asks, how does that feel? This is the Internet now.
Chris Thayer
Oh, my God.
Pete Holmes
You just talked to it. It's like Tony Stark in the 1998 film City of Angels, when aching, warm, aching, describes the sensation as warm, aching.
Chris Thayer
You should get that looked at.
Pete Holmes
Why is it aching? That. That's an AI. That's a mistake.
Chris Thayer
I don't know.
Pete Holmes
The scene is featured on IMDb's. Welcome to the podcast where we just Google.
Chris Thayer
Google things. Okay, I gotta say two things about this movie. One, is Meg Ryan's hair never curly like that again in any other movie? And it's so cute.
Pete Holmes
Oh, look, here it is. Do you feel that? Yes. And that. How does it feel? Tell me what it feels like. I can't. Try warm. Aching. It's okay. We fit together. I know. We were made to fit together.
Chris Thayer
Oh, my God, it's so hot. I still like that.
Pete Holmes
I like that you would like that. I like that we were made to fit together. She says it.
Chris Thayer
Yeah. Yeah. Oh, my God, it's so sweet.
Pete Holmes
I really, really.
Chris Thayer
This.
Pete Holmes
Let's. This lets me know where you are today.
Chris Thayer
What do you mean? Like in my cycle.
Pete Holmes
Well, yeah, in your cycle. But also just like, you know, I think you could read that scene to someone to just like see where they are in the world. Like, are they receptive to the world or are they feeling a little unsafe today?
Chris Thayer
Ye. Because you could show them that whole movie. Cuz obviously I understand that that movie is cringe.
Pete Holmes
Is it?
Chris Thayer
I think so. I think now it's considered cringe. I used to love it and I haven't seen it since. I. But like in. Okay, the guitar's out. God, every girl in there in America has gone through this.
Pete Holmes
And I make eye contact. No, no, that's make. That makes it worse. Stroke better.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
Okay. I'm not gonna play it when everything's made to be broken. It's probably a minor there. Oh my God, it's probably a minor. I know. Mansplaining. Remember my bit where I go, ladies, I know you're not supposed to mansplain, but what you don't know is it feels so good. Feel what a rush. I've been saying, I gotta bring that bit back. That's a good bit.
Chris Thayer
I. And you can use this. I've been saying mansplanation lately. So somebody said, I hope I'm not mansplaining that to you. And I was like, no, actually I needed that mansplanation.
Pete Holmes
You're the voice of Lena Dunham's generation.
Chris Thayer
She is in my generation, but she's the voice of it.
Pete Holmes
I just wrote it down. Welcome to the podcast where I vaguely like thinly veiled. Try out bits, write them down. We Google stuff. If this is the first episode you've ever listened to, just know it's usually a little bit tighter.
Chris Thayer
Yeah, sure, maybe.
Pete Holmes
Is it?
Chris Thayer
I don't know. I don't think so. But also, let me, Let me say I want to finish this thought on City of Angels.
Pete Holmes
Please, please.
Chris Thayer
I am real. Like, obviously when I think back on City of Angels, I'm like, I understand that that's cringe. But like reading that, obviously I remembered really liking that sex scene. And I do still in this moment, like, it aching is weird. Aching is kind of weird. But I don't have a penis, so I don't know, maybe. Maybe it aches.
Pete Holmes
I'm gonna go ahead and step in here as the authority between the two of us. It's not an aching. What's wrong? I would think what's wrong with that scene is they're trying to like, Cinemax it. Like, we can't show penetration. Like, you know what I mean?
Chris Thayer
Like, no I don't think that's the point.
Pete Holmes
That's saying warm and wet, which is how we both remember it. Simulation theory.
Chris Thayer
Yes.
Pete Holmes
Simulation theory is too on the vagina. It's too in the vagina.
Chris Thayer
Yeah, yeah.
Pete Holmes
You can't say warm and wet. That's like dirty talk, right? You have to he. So this writer was like, I can say warm. No one disagrees with warm. Yeah, but you can't say wet. That's like saying hard, which also. Both hard and wet are safe words in certain contexts. But as soon as it's about the south of the equator, you better be talking about your knees. Like, warm. That's what I mean. This is what. This is what's fascinating.
Chris Thayer
Said warm.
Pete Holmes
Warm. But I will say warm and good.
Chris Thayer
Warm and good.
Pete Holmes
Yeah. He should have gone warm. I'm gonna Halo.
Chris Thayer
Really?
Pete Holmes
He blew his halo. He blew his halo. And I'm saying that as someone who hates the term load more than anything.
Chris Thayer
And I blew my halo inside you.
Pete Holmes
Wow.
Chris Thayer
What?
Pete Holmes
I loved it.
Chris Thayer
Okay.
Pete Holmes
But I don't even like that. Metallica called it that there. They have an album called Load you. I get guys. And they were probably my age when they put that out. Is there anything more, like obvious to be like, we still fuck our records called load. Fucking go get a colonoscopy, you fudgeing middle aged. I love them, but still load. I haven't forgiven them.
Chris Thayer
Well, you know. Okay, so let me finish the thought on this because this does bring up another thing that I was thinking of. Of like, things that you don't think are cringe, but then definitely are later. But my fin. My final thought on City of Angels is it does have the through line of my favorite kind of movie is. Or one of my favorite story plot plots, I guess, is when somebody, like, is outside of life and in a more perfect.
Pete Holmes
I.
Chris Thayer
You know.
Pete Holmes
Yeah. That's the most Valerie thing.
Chris Thayer
And they choose life anyway because they want it. Because they want to experience it all. And the part. And I really remember it, the part where, like, after she dies. Spoiler alert.
Pete Holmes
I don't remember that.
Chris Thayer
You didn't remember that she dies?
Pete Holmes
No.
Chris Thayer
Oh, my God. She dies right after they. She dies? Yes.
Pete Holmes
You can't. Is this part of the lore.
Chris Thayer
It was aching. He had an STD and she died.
Pete Holmes
But one of those instant ones.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
Where you evaporate. Like you saw the Ark of the Covenant. You just melt. That's how good I am. He's proud. And then we zoom in and he was the devil, obviously.
Chris Thayer
That's.
Pete Holmes
That Was if an angel comes to earth and fucks Meg Ryan and she dies, that was the devil.
Chris Thayer
That was not an angel.
Pete Holmes
Hot fan theory. Hot fan theory. Yeah. Hot fan theory. She dies. How does she die?
Chris Thayer
She's riding her bike and it's idyllic. And she's like so blissed out because she's a properly fucked woman. And she's like, got a baguette in her basket, I'm guessing. Like, I feel like she just got like groceries and she's on her bike. I think she's eating an apple. I really do. And then she's on this windy road and a semi truck comes and then you just see the apple roll real quick.
Pete Holmes
What country is she in?
Chris Thayer
I know that's America. Upstate New York or something.
Pete Holmes
This is America. Nobody in America is biking.
Chris Thayer
I'm imagining the.
Pete Holmes
To get their groceries.
Chris Thayer
Berkshires.
Pete Holmes
The Berkshires is a mystery to me. Brook Shields in the. Brook Shields in the Berkshires.
Chris Thayer
Brook Shields and the.
Pete Holmes
With burnt shears. Because my tool shed burnt deer. My tool shed burnt in. And now I got burnt shears in the Berkshires with Brook Shields.
Chris Thayer
Mac Miller could make it work. It actually sounds a little more like the rapper Brooks.
Pete Holmes
I love. I love how rap has gotten where they're like, we don't care that it doesn't rhyme.
Chris Thayer
We just make the word funny. And.
Pete Holmes
And then everyone's like, great, burnt shears. I got burnt shears and the burnt shears. I'm just.
Chris Thayer
Let's just leave that.
Pete Holmes
We'll leave the face you made when you said blamkins. Blapkins.
Chris Thayer
Blapkins. Cuz, I don't know.
Pete Holmes
I know I just talked to somebody. I won't. I'll leave them out of it, but. Well, we don't have to get into that.
Chris Thayer
No, that. That is just a little golden nugget for anybody who knows what blapkins are. Anyway, I. Yeah, I do love. Oh. Oh. So she dies. And then he says. And I could cry thinking about it. Honestly about you, his friend, his angel.
Pete Holmes
City of Angels is my girl for grown ups. I thought you were gonna love that.
Chris Thayer
I don't know. I want to get there. I want to get there.
Pete Holmes
Well, it's not bees and it's a girl and it's a bike, but it's a truck.
Chris Thayer
But the whole point is that, okay, he gives up his immortality to be with her. They have really hot, warm, sec. Aching sex. She dies instantly on a bike too. And then on a bike, no less.
Pete Holmes
And then with a cargo, carrying a load.
Chris Thayer
Angel friend Load. His angel friend says, if you had no. If you, you know, had known, would you still do it?
Pete Holmes
Yeah.
Chris Thayer
And he's basically like, I do it all over again.
Pete Holmes
It was worth it. That's how good. That's.
Chris Thayer
That's how for you.
Pete Holmes
This is how we know he's the devil. Of course I would do it. I prefer that she died like I got what I wanted. She's out of the picture. I'm the devil and I don't want the world to see me Cuz I'm
Chris Thayer
the devil and I don't think I understand that I'm the devil the devil
Pete Holmes
when everything's made to be broken Because I'm the devil I just want you
Chris Thayer
to know who I am Please allow
Pete Holmes
me to introduce myself. I'm a man of wealth and tears.
Chris Thayer
I don't know this song as much.
Pete Holmes
Yes you do.
Chris Thayer
I know it a little.
Pete Holmes
Everyone knows that song. Please meet you. I'll say. This was a bigger part of rock and roll in the 70s. 70s. You weren't shit if you didn't have one song where, where the guys were going. Like a real round mouth, like donut hole shape and a. And a breathy. That was. Now it's Mac Miller going, yep, yep. And Donna Lover going, yep.
Chris Thayer
And also Bad Bunny goes. He does like a.
Pete Holmes
They love it.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
And what I am fascinated with is and I'm not teasing anybody but Miller, Mac Miller. And all of them know not to overdo it. And I think it's very funny that even if they don't consciously think about it, they are going like. In fact, I'm going to say this again with a bigger take. I'm certain that they listen to a playback and go, can you edit out that? Yeah, I did it too many times.
Chris Thayer
Interesting. You think so?
Pete Holmes
Without a doubt.
Chris Thayer
I mean there is restraint. See this? Okay. This is what I want.
Pete Holmes
It's a flavor, it's a seasoning. You can't be. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's so cool. Until it's not.
Chris Thayer
Until you do it too much.
Pete Holmes
One, one, two, one, two. Yeah, yeah.
Chris Thayer
Because then you're like still in season six being like, didn't I do that? And we're like, why are you still.
Pete Holmes
Yeah. God. He's doing. Got any cheese?
Chris Thayer
Got me cheese. That is.
Pete Holmes
They forced.
Chris Thayer
Gotten it so funny.
Pete Holmes
They forced.
Chris Thayer
Which is it? Are nerds lactose intolerant or do they like cheese? Which is.
Pete Holmes
I think it's both. And they're eating it in those high waisted pants and they're blasting out little Nerdy farts.
Chris Thayer
Oh, no.
Pete Holmes
Code farts.
Chris Thayer
But that's what I was thinking about. Cringe. Because I actually did kind of go back. If you go back far enough into your Instagram grid, you're like your own photos. Yeah. You're like, oh, am I super cringe? And the answer is yes, because either you are devoting your life to trying to be cool and guarded and restrained, or. Or you are cringe. Like, those are the only choices.
Pete Holmes
And if you're cool long enough, you'll become cringe. What you did will be cringe. I was just talking about this last night on stage. I grew up when Chuck Norris. I never liked Chuck Norris. I was like, this guy needs to settle down with those nunchucks. A redhead. A redhead with wooden sticks on a chain. Get this guy in the zoo. I don't want him in jail. I want to watch him.
Chris Thayer
I need access.
Pete Holmes
I'm saying that Chuck Norris, Sylvester Stallone, and Cobra and I always go to Richard Gere leaning on a Corvette. This was cool.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
And, like.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
And it wasn't. So I'm saying, like, the coolest thing I'm gonna say, the only exception to this is black culture.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
Black culture does fine. Boys to Men was fine.
Chris Thayer
Boys to Men was great.
Pete Holmes
Boys to Men is still fine. I'm gonna. Because of what I mentioned. Donald Glover. I was like. We watched. I got stoned the other night, and I turned into you.
Chris Thayer
I know.
Pete Holmes
And we wanted to.
Chris Thayer
It was the best night of your life.
Pete Holmes
It was the best night of your life. It was One of.
Chris Thayer
You wanted to watch all the things that I love watching.
Pete Holmes
Weed is such a tricky pickle, but it hit me just right where it did. It's not a. Whatever. Who cares? I'm just saying, like, sometimes it makes me a complete idiot. And this time it made me, like, let's watch Littlefoot, Bigfoot. And, like, I'm literally crying at how cool it is.
Chris Thayer
I. I honestly, that's no sur.
Pete Holmes
I cry at music and dance. Forget it. And music and dance together.
Chris Thayer
And Donald Glover is my favorite dancer. He is my favorite dancer.
Pete Holmes
I know.
Chris Thayer
He's so good. And he has this quality that you can't teach or learn. It's just his actual own physicality, and it's like comedy. It's, like, good dancing with, like, a comedy.
Pete Holmes
There is a. There's something funny in it.
Chris Thayer
It's so good. I love it.
Pete Holmes
This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. Summer is funny. When you're a kid, it feels like absolute freedom. But sometimes you grow up and suddenly it's like a logistics nightmare. There's travel, family visits, camps, scheduling. It can be overwhelming. And one thing I've learned that if you don't intentionally make space for yourself, summer can become something you survive instead of something you actually enjoy. And that's one of the reasons I am legitimately a huge fan of therapy. Therapy can help you better understand what you need, get clearer on your boundaries, and make decisions that actually support your wellbeing instead of just keeping Everybody else happy. BetterHelp has over 30,000 therapists that has helped more than 6 million people worldwide. They match you with a licensed therapist based on a brief questionnaire, and if it's not the right fit, you can switch therapists at any time. You don't even have to say yes to everything this summer, but do find support in therapy. That is real advice. It's changed my life. Sign up and get 10% off@betterhelp.com weirdo that's better. H E L p.com weirdo this episode is brought to us by our friends at three Day Blinds. It's funny, we live in a world where our refrigerators are smart, our thermostats are smart, but too many people are still buying blinds like it's 2006 and there is a better way than three day blinds is the leading manufacturer of high quality custom window treatments in the US and what I love is they made the whole process ridiculously easy, streamlined and modern. Like everything else, they send a professionally trained design consultant right to your home, help you figure out what works best for your space, and give you a free no obligation quote the very same day. And if you're anything like me, that's a huge relief. Because measuring and installing blinds is exactly the kind of project that makes me have a panic attack and want to hide under my bed and regret everything that I chose. So three Day Blinds handles everything. The design, the measuring, the installation for you. Plus they have thousands of options for every style and every budget, including blackout shades, which was awesome for our game room light filtering blinds, motorized blinds, and even smart blinds that work with Alexa. That's the kind of upgrade that makes your whole house feel better. And right now you can get quality window treatments that fit your budget with three day blinds by heading to three, the number three day blinds.com weird for their buy one, get one 50% off deal on custom blinds, shades, shutters and drapery for free. No charge, no obligation consultation. Just head to 3day blinds.com weird one last time. That's buy one, get one 50% off when you head to the number three. D a y blinds.com weird. This podcast is sponsored by our friends at Casper Mattress, one of my favorite sponsors because I love slee. We talk a lot about self help on this podcast. We talk about spirituality, we talk about routine. There's nothing that's a bigger game changer than getting a good night's rest. And our friends at Casper are here to help. We've had a Casper mattress for years, but we just upgraded to Casper pillows. And these guys are legit, comfort, support quality. Casper makes reliable, high quality mattresses and pillows designed for consistently comfortable sleep night after night. In fact, Consumer Reports named Casper's the One Mattress. Their top rated all foam mattress of 2026. They're built to last. They have options whether or not you like firm, soft or somewhere in between. And they back everything with a hundred night risk free trial. That's 100 nights to try it out. With more than 110,000 five star reviews, they are obviously doing something right. And we can attest to that. It's also great if you have kids. They have new kids mattresses so the little weirdos in your family can sleep great too. Right now, save up to 20% on mattresses when you go to Casper.com. that's one last time. Casper C-A S P E R.com and save up to 20% on the mattress you deserve.
Chris Thayer
But yeah, the. The music video to Little Big Little Foot Bigfoot is like a deathbed thing for me. It's like when you. When you see the videos of like old people hearing like, yeah, my bad. And they're sobbing Little Foot Bigfoot.
Pete Holmes
Like when you're old. Yes, af. I will roll it because I'm gonna be fine. I'm gonna be ahead in a jar.
Chris Thayer
Yeah. Well, with those sludgy smoothies you drink every day and the billion supplements. Are you kidding me? You're gonna live.
Pete Holmes
Bill Subs Bill subs I got them. Bill Subs I'm eating cheese. You are eating cheese. And I got Burnt Shears and the Berkshires with Brook Shields. You're using way too many napkins.
Chris Thayer
Look, look. Sometimes you can separate.
Pete Holmes
Yeah.
Chris Thayer
A one joke at least.
Pete Holmes
Yeah. One thing from the person.
Chris Thayer
Anyway, I. And then you also wanted to watch Tiny Desk, which I always want to watch Tiny Desk.
Pete Holmes
And we watch Mac Miller and we
Chris Thayer
watch Mac Miller and I couldn't.
Pete Holmes
I always forget when I've shown the best thing to watch is music.
Chris Thayer
Yes. Yeah.
Pete Holmes
Because I think I have to be a little dumb to like What? You idiots.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Oh, my God.
Pete Holmes
I am not proud of that at all. I. So can I. What do you got? You got something for it? No. You got something.
Chris Thayer
I was just gonna say I was amazed at how he, like, because we even watched something from when he was a kid, and it was cool. And I was like, how did he stay cool the whole time? I know, but the answer is probably with great effort. And I just don't want to put effort. It's like magic being cool.
Pete Holmes
Well, he's got that video. I think about this Mac Miller video all the time. And he's. It's one of his early ones. I showed it to you. He's walking down the street, and he's just. You know, I'm. I'm just. I'm just a reporter. He's just kind of very coolly saying hi to a lot of black people. He knows.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
And I'm not. Bro. Bro. And it's like. It's effortless. And, Mac, if you listen to podcasts in heaven, my man, like, all respect, I wouldn't change a thing.
Chris Thayer
Okay, now you're worried about the ghost.
Pete Holmes
Well, he's in charge of the. And I don't want him to come down and teach me a lesson by showing you what you're missing.
Chris Thayer
I do, bro.
Pete Holmes
He's a sexy dude.
Chris Thayer
He's so sexy.
Pete Holmes
He's a sexy.
Chris Thayer
I really had the feeling.
Pete Holmes
Hip hop sexy is a. The way they adjust their hat with two hands.
Chris Thayer
Oh, my God.
Pete Holmes
You know what I'm talking about.
Chris Thayer
And you know what I'm saying.
Pete Holmes
It's a thing. They lick their lips and they adjust the bill. They grab the bill of their hat with two hands.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
It's learned. It's learned. I did that on purpose. It's learned, Michaels, because the Beastie Boys were doing it.
Chris Thayer
Oh, yeah.
Pete Holmes
Eminem does it. It's a culture. It's not even a culture. It's an industry.
Chris Thayer
Absolutely. Every.
Pete Holmes
There's. And there's a way they laugh like. He laughs. There's like. Yeah, there's like a. Yeah, I told you that. That's my observation. That there's a. There's a fake laugh that only black guys do. And I'm not saying that to be salacious. Well, I. I've never met a white guy that goes.
Chris Thayer
Except for Mac Miller.
Pete Holmes
Except for Mac Miller, who was folded in.
Chris Thayer
In. Yeah.
Pete Holmes
And he had a video saying hello to a lot of guys that seemed okay with it. He's, like, putting his head. His hand on their heads, like, tussling. You didn't see that.
Chris Thayer
I didn't.
Pete Holmes
There's a lot of effortless soul shakes. And I say that with all the envy a man can have. There's a lot of. No, look in that. In that tiny desk. Thundercat is there. Who's, like, the coolest person when you're just like, oh, this isn't even our species.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
You know what I mean? Like, you're like a pharaoh or something.
Julia Louis-Dreyfus
Next level.
Pete Holmes
Next level.
Chris Thayer
Cool. Yeah.
Pete Holmes
But, like, mystically cool.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
And in between songs, they do. No, look. They just. Nobody. Nobody can hit them a hundred.
Chris Thayer
No one.
Pete Holmes
No one.
Chris Thayer
No.
Pete Holmes
Even Alicia Keys has missed. Missed a few.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
But there they are on camera.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
One of the biggest tiny desks in there, and they're doing complicated shakes.
Chris Thayer
So cool.
Pete Holmes
And, yeah, the complicated shake is all of it. They believe that's what. That's what corny dudes like me, I've done. I've landed a few soul shakes. Some on camera, some on camera. And every time I do, I'm like, It's very cool.
Chris Thayer
It's very, very cool.
Pete Holmes
And the first step to Fight Club is you got to believe in yourself, and a lot of us just don't.
Chris Thayer
And I don't start to doubt. I would start.
Pete Holmes
Of course.
Chris Thayer
This is how I feel when people are trying to dance with me. Like, I. You know, I love dancing, but, like, when, like, I love going to. I've only done it a couple times, but it's stud country and it's.
Pete Holmes
Can I talk to you for a second?
Chris Thayer
Queer line dancing.
Pete Holmes
Oh, okay. And my queerer line dancing.
Chris Thayer
Yeah. It's a 10% more queer out of the closet. Queer line dancing.
Pete Holmes
We know we're gay. That's what it says tonight. Line dancing, parentheses. The only difference is we know we're gay. And a pride flag.
Chris Thayer
Regular line dancing is gay. This is queer.
Pete Holmes
I would actually. I could talk out the other side of my face and say regular line dancing is the first kinkiest shit ever, because, like, we're not dancing. But we are.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
And it's like, you fucking freaks, I know you're gonna explode. You're gonna blow a halo.
Chris Thayer
But then part of it is that you do two step, which is, you know, just like a dance, a partner dance that you do and partner dance. And when people try to do that with me, I get so scared and I get so in my head, and I can't do it.
Pete Holmes
That's the clap. Clap. Clap Clap Club clap.
Chris Thayer
Yeah. Where they're, like, leading you and you're Doing, like.
Pete Holmes
Yeah.
Chris Thayer
And you're just like, I don't. Like, I feel about that how most people feel about. Just like, here's a Beyonce song, Let it Rip. Like, I can do that all day, but if somebody's trying to lead me, it's like the soul shake fiddle brings. It's just like, I get very. It's the soul shake. I just get in my head.
Pete Holmes
You get the soul shakes.
Chris Thayer
I get the soul shakes.
Pete Holmes
But more interestingly, there's no. There's nobody doing cool handshakes that hasn't missed one. One. It might be how to practice Thundercat, who I just said is the coolest dude in the world. It just is gonna happen.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
And then there's another tier of coolness, which is the recovery you missed.
Chris Thayer
You know how I imagine it?
Pete Holmes
You missed. How do you. I'm fucking cool, man.
Chris Thayer
Like, pretend to imagine.
Pete Holmes
Let's.
Chris Thayer
Let's pretend to miss. Let me get you again, man.
Pete Holmes
That was fucking dope. That was dope. I wish you could see it. But only the Patreons can see the video, and we don't have a Patreon, so ain't nobody seeing the video.
Chris Thayer
There's no video.
Pete Holmes
There's no video.
Chris Thayer
Also going back to the. Like, I got that from.
Pete Holmes
It's Ernie.
Chris Thayer
I got. No, I got that.
Pete Holmes
No, it is Ernie.
Chris Thayer
Okay, sure. But white folk like Bert Key and Peel Critiquer's Corner, which is one of my favorite.
Pete Holmes
Yeah, he does.
Chris Thayer
That's what. Yeah. And he's like. And he always goes, that's stupid. Like, if he's. If something makes him laugh, he says, that's stupid.
Pete Holmes
Look, the categories of fake labs that we're doing. Fake labs are one of the most interesting, understudied, if anybody. I'm. I'm guessing a lot of MIT out there listening to this podcast, and you're wondering, what can I study? Like, I need. Maybe not mit. Do they do social sciences?
Chris Thayer
Are you asking me that?
Pete Holmes
Are social sciences. This. I don't even know. I want someone to study, not just. We've talked about fake laughs on this podcast before, but fake laughs just are such a huge part of culture, and I want to break it down by region. I want to know the fake laugh they're doing in Rhode island that they're not doing in Papua New Guinea. Yes, I want to know the fake laughs. Can you give me an African fake laugh?
Chris Thayer
Oh, my gosh.
Pete Holmes
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. That was.
Chris Thayer
No, no, no.
Pete Holmes
What? The audio dropped, and I said, what would Santa sound like? Yes, but there is. I will say I've been to Africa. That doesn't qualify me to talk about this. Oh, no sweating. I know. I'm saying oh is a bigger sound. When I was in Africa, there was more. Oh, no, this isn't. This isn't. This isn't bad. I'm saying in my limited experience in Uganda, there was more. Oh, and you hear it. It.
Chris Thayer
There's just more of that.
Pete Holmes
Well, I don't hear a lot of oh, it was in Kansas. That's not a lot of white folk going around. It's like they have. And they have. No, there's something about the lack of melanin that. That makes the.
Chris Thayer
Oh, God.
Pete Holmes
I'm saying white folk.
Chris Thayer
Yes, I know.
Pete Holmes
What makes him white is the lack of melanin. I know. And then it turns an oh into yeehaw. And I want someone to study this.
Chris Thayer
Oh, my God.
Pete Holmes
These are the tastes.
Chris Thayer
This social science.
Pete Holmes
And is this what they do at mit? I think it is.
Chris Thayer
I think it must be.
Pete Holmes
Oh, oh, oh, there's a. Oh, what is that? This is like when Jake Johnson. No, I didn't think that was the fake laugh. I thought, oh, I thought that.
Chris Thayer
Oh, yeah, that's right.
Pete Holmes
Older guy in Uganda. Like, he was born in the late 60s. I wanna. To make it more comfortable. Yeah, but there's also like, boom, boom, boom. Say wh or no, you got the right temperature to turn me on. And then he goes, oh, that felt like maybe it's in. Is that Jamaica?
Chris Thayer
Okay, this is just. I just can't.
Pete Holmes
All I'm saying is welcome to the library where we have some weird book. That's what the podcast should be.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
We just went into a weird hallway and there's this book. And it's like, why are they talking about this? Like, well, you ever go. We have. Me and Chris Thayer, when we were on the road, would go to, like, a museum of oddities. It's always a mistake.
Chris Thayer
I know you. We always mistake.
Pete Holmes
Where was that?
Chris Thayer
Oh, God. Portland, maybe.
Pete Holmes
Yeah. Sounds like something they would do.
Chris Thayer
We went in and I was like, I don't like this. And then I had to, like, convince myself this is, like, old Christian stuff that, like, something didn't latch on to me.
Pete Holmes
That's right.
Chris Thayer
And like, oh, no, me.
Pete Holmes
You could make a lot of money with a sage stand outside of one of those places. Like, I'll blow sage on you because you're gonna see a conjoined twin. A set of conjoined twins in a mayonnaise jar.
Chris Thayer
It's like, it's like a store that Gabe from the office would like.
Pete Holmes
Gabe from the office.
Chris Thayer
Zach woods character.
Pete Holmes
Oh, my God. Actually, what I found interesting. I can't do them. No, I can't do them.
Chris Thayer
I know.
Pete Holmes
Oh.
Chris Thayer
Oh. So anyway, we're all cringe.
Pete Holmes
Oh, yeah. If you're cool long enough, you'll be cringe. But the only way I would. We were saying is. Is a lot of black culture seems to have skipped to that.
Chris Thayer
Yeah. Yeah.
Pete Holmes
And some. I guess we're saying just like Mac Miller's a white person and he seems to be in.
Chris Thayer
In like, the Beast.
Pete Holmes
Nothing the Beastie Boys did is stupid. Like, even girls. People love that song.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
All I want to do is girls. That song sucks.
Chris Thayer
I know.
Pete Holmes
If that was a Weird Al song, first of all, it should be. And I love Weird Al, but nobody would be jamming it.
Chris Thayer
I'm gonna say something controversial. Not. Oh, oh, controversial. I think that. I think that Beastie Boys. Oh, to me.
Pete Holmes
See, I just did the. The white.
Chris Thayer
Oh. Oh, yeah.
Pete Holmes
We turned it into. Oh, yep.
Chris Thayer
To. To my taste. To me. Yes, I would.
Pete Holmes
I can't wait. I think Mike D listens.
Chris Thayer
I think the Beastie Boys are like the Goonies in that. If you are the type of person, like, I'm at the age where I'm just loving this take a little bit too young.
Pete Holmes
Love this take.
Chris Thayer
So if you were the type of person who is a little too young, that you didn't discover it when you were young and you discovered it later.
Pete Holmes
Say less then you.
Chris Thayer
You don't. You can never get back in. And. And you think, like, and I'm not the bus.
Pete Holmes
The bus left the station and you had me at Goonies. I mean, if you weren't a latchkey kid that ate frozen meals three times a day.
Chris Thayer
I mean, I was, but I was older.
Pete Holmes
I'm just being younger. I'm being a crispy.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
I always thought Goonies was Spielberg for, like, you know.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
For kids that needed a little extra love and they didn't get it. So they were like, I relate to this sloth guy.
Chris Thayer
That's why I'm a hook girl.
Pete Holmes
Yeah.
Chris Thayer
Hook is classic.
Pete Holmes
Am I being. Is that. Was that too unkind to say about no Goonies? I mean, I'm representing my mother's perspective.
Chris Thayer
People love Goonies, and I love that people love Goonies.
Pete Holmes
I love that people love Goonies.
Chris Thayer
I think it's very cool when people love Beastie Boys.
Pete Holmes
I think people that love Goonies love wrestling. That's all I'LL say, yeah, it's like that mean woman. The woman with the mean face.
Chris Thayer
I know. Or they just are nostalgic for it, but I remember watching it.
Pete Holmes
They're Temple of Doomers.
Chris Thayer
Yeah. Which Temple of Doom was our family's favorite, too?
Pete Holmes
That is so.
Chris Thayer
I know it's very weird.
Pete Holmes
I serve you papers.
Chris Thayer
I.
Pete Holmes
It's very papers.
Chris Thayer
You know. You know why? Because. Well, and when I say our families,
Pete Holmes
I would never say.
Chris Thayer
I don't know if it was our whole families. I probably. My brother probably never. It probably wasn't his favorite. Maybe not, but it's. It's the most kid friendly one because the re. The other ones are like, talking. It's like so much talking.
Pete Holmes
Oh, I know what you mean.
Chris Thayer
And like, you don't understand what's going on. You're like, what? The most kid.
Pete Holmes
It's the most kid friendly in the way that the Phantom Menace is the most kid friendly.
Chris Thayer
Yes.
Pete Holmes
Which means, like, off.
Chris Thayer
It's just the most spectacle one.
Pete Holmes
Yeah. There's the spiders and it's.
Chris Thayer
Please know that I don't.
Pete Holmes
It's my.
Chris Thayer
I think it's a terrible.
Pete Holmes
I would never call you to the stand to defend Temple of Doom.
Chris Thayer
I never.
Pete Holmes
But Temple of Doom is Goonies and Last Crusade is ET Or Hook. Or Hook.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
And look, I'm a little embarrassed. This is what I've learned from this podcast. I do not defend this opinion. I'm just telling you.
Chris Thayer
You.
Pete Holmes
How I was raised. I'm telling you what ideas were pushed and massaged into my brain that still linger around. Do I think you can like Goonies in Temple of Doom and be a rad dude? I'm sure Canadian filmmaker Matt Johnson, who we both are obsessed with, probably loved Goonies.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
You know what I mean?
Chris Thayer
For sure.
Pete Holmes
You can. You can never know with him.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
But like, I'm sure there are a lot of people I love and respect that love Goon.
Chris Thayer
I think most people.
Pete Holmes
Joe DeRosa, one of my favorite people in the world. I can hear him screaming.
Chris Thayer
Yeah. Most people love Goonies. That's why it's controversial.
Pete Holmes
Goonies is a treasure.
Chris Thayer
I'm just saying, if you missed out on it, then. So I guess what I am saying is, like, you like it because you're nostalgic for it. Which is the. Which is the biggest to go back to. People might disagree.
Pete Holmes
You really nailed something. Because when licensed to Ill. See, see, that means something to me. I had a license to ill. I know.
Chris Thayer
I thought you were just gonna say I had a license.
Pete Holmes
What's funny is no one's ever asked to see it. I'm out here being ill.
Chris Thayer
I didn't even need the license.
Pete Holmes
I waited in line at the DMV. There's gotta be a. Yeah, the mic. DMV.
Chris Thayer
Dope. Oh, yeah. There you go.
Pete Holmes
Nice. Took me 5.5 seconds. Where's the supercut of me being quicker on YouTube? JK. But seriously, somebody do it. Okay, I'm kidding. Why'd I say that? That's embarrassing. But here I am, deeply wanting it. Anyway. The mic dmv, and I didn't even need my license. Deal. And, yeah, I'm. I'm full of my own ego today because I did a. I'm full of my own beans today because I did a set last night. I talked about it in therapy. Can I share the. The biggest takeaway from therapy?
Chris Thayer
Yes.
Pete Holmes
It's pretty amazing. A lot of these things. Speaking of Matt Johnson, when he did the podcast, he was saying every big thing in a movie has to be surprising but inevitable. And every revelation in my therapy is also surprising but inevitable. I even said that I was like, well, this is surprising but inevitable. So I'm talking to, like, the tender part of myself, the afraid part, the part that thinks we need everybody to like us in order to be safe, obviously. It's funny that that was a big revelation. I was like, oh, this is the part that when someone says something mean to me online, I want to go in and be like, let's get coffee. And, like, be like, no, actually, I'm your favorite person. I know you have this, too.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
But the big revelation. I'm gonna skip over. I could talk for nine hours, but there's this cruelty that I have. It's mental when I. It's mental. It's absolutely mental. To never. Cruelty.
Chris Thayer
Cruelty. That's mental.
Pete Holmes
That's. Cruelty's mental. Why isn't that. Oh Is like, on the line, but I know. Well, this is how I signed up for Brownie.
Chris Thayer
And guess what? That British person we were just doing was black.
Pete Holmes
You're the queen of my life. Move in, move in. Get your mail here.
Chris Thayer
I do.
Pete Holmes
I want your mail to come where my man is.
Chris Thayer
I do.
Pete Holmes
We fit together. We were made to fit together. I'm the devil. I'm glad she's dead. That deleted scene. This is great.
Chris Thayer
I'm glad you said, now I can fuck a lot of bitches.
Pete Holmes
I can fuck everybody. I. Oh, I gave it away. I can't believe it's almost.
Chris Thayer
Oh, my God. Edward James Almost.
Pete Holmes
No, no, no, we're good. Sorry. I set an alarm because I have something, but it's not for 25 minutes, so we're good.
Chris Thayer
Early alarm.
Pete Holmes
We're good. Well, who cares? I'm the devil. And now I can. Now I can have a three way. She never. Oh, my God. Everything you do is tighten every screw and my ship that would have sunk without it.
Chris Thayer
Hey. Oh, oh. Oh.
Pete Holmes
Oh, no.
Chris Thayer
Oh, no.
Pete Holmes
Yeah. Do your best, Mac Miller. Like a real. Like, you have to. It helps if you go like,
Chris Thayer
I'm just gonna do the sound.
Pete Holmes
That was perfect.
Chris Thayer
But you really want to get that.
Pete Holmes
It made me gay for you. It made me like, you are a guy and I'm into you.
Chris Thayer
Isn't this right? This is right? Oh, this is. Oh, no, it's.
Pete Holmes
He does a thing that punk rock people also do, which is like, I'm so casual about this recording. I have something in my mouth.
Chris Thayer
I know. He does sound like he has something in my mouth.
Pete Holmes
I didn't swallow my coffee this morning.
Chris Thayer
I don't swallow my coffee.
Pete Holmes
I didn't swallow my coffee this morning. Yeah, yeah.
Chris Thayer
I still haven't swallowed.
Pete Holmes
And somebody's like, like killing it on the bass and you're just like, like. And what is it? We've talked about this before, but when there's a guy and a band we just love, like, he's the CEO of that company and somehow he gets the glory.
Chris Thayer
He gets all the credit.
Pete Holmes
Like, this guy's bada boom boo boop.
Chris Thayer
And it's like, only other musicians give. Give the musicians credit. I know, but I'm watching that going
Pete Holmes
like, wow, Mac nailed this.
Chris Thayer
They all love him so much that
Pete Holmes
they also do love him.
Chris Thayer
But I think they do.
Pete Holmes
They do love him. In between the songs. They're so into him. This episode is sponsored by our friends at Article. We just got Article new lounge chairs. We did a whole other upgrade of our backyard thanks to our friends at Article. And it looks fantastic. It feels fantastic. I've never fallen asleep sitting outdoors more in my life. And it has. So that's real. It has so much to do with these high quality, modern, but comfortable, well made pieces of furniture that that's what Article is all about. The quality is there. There's no some assembly required nightmare. And you can tell a lot of care went into the craftsmanship of everything that you find at Article. That's what they do. They make it easy to create a stylish home without spending a month researching furniture. Their collections are thoughtfully designed, so pieces work together, whether your style is modern, coastal or somewhere in between. And they offer fast, affordable shipping across the US and Canada. Great customer support which we haven't needed at all. It was right out of the box and done and a 30 day satisfaction guarantee so you can shop with confidence. Article is offering our listeners 50 bucks off your first purchase of $100 or more. To claim, visit article.com weird and the discount will be automatically applied at checkout. That's article.com weird for 50 bucks off your first purchase of $100 or more. If you've been wondering where the good looking, amazing affordable furniture is, look no further than Article.
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Pete Holmes
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Chris Thayer
I wonder that. I know. I was really sad when you told me he was dead. I didn't know.
Pete Holmes
You didn't know anything.
Chris Thayer
I didn't know anything about.
Pete Holmes
Didn't know anything.
Chris Thayer
And you know what? Now I watch him. Like, I watched that tiny desk, and I had the feeling that that previously was reserved only for young Bob Dylan, which we've kind of talked about on this podcast where I'm, like, I'm in love with them. And it. And I'm, like, grieving that I lost the. This lover.
Pete Holmes
Oh, no, I get it.
Chris Thayer
But, like, I never knew them.
Pete Holmes
I thought you were gonna say, now that we're parents and, like, somebody young and beautiful dies.
Chris Thayer
Yeah, I do.
Pete Holmes
And I also have that for Chapel roan and Matt McCarthy. We talk about this. Us, like, Chapel Roan. It's like a. I'm not trying to be weird, but, like, sexy performer. But I don't see her in that way at all. Yeah, I see her as a daughter.
Chris Thayer
I see that, too.
Pete Holmes
And I said that to Matt, and he was like, pete, that's what we call her. I. He texts his wife and goes, did you see our daughter put out a new video? Really?
Chris Thayer
That's cute.
Pete Holmes
Maybe that's. I don't think it's creepy. It's something.
Chris Thayer
I don't think it's cringe.
Pete Holmes
No. Gross.
Chris Thayer
I don't think.
Pete Holmes
I don't think it's gross. What?
Chris Thayer
Well, don't ask me. I am cringe.
Pete Holmes
I know I'm super cringe, but I.
Chris Thayer
I felt that way. I remember that being a real paradigm shift when I watched Billie Eilish's. When we watched her documentary. So this was years ago, and I was like a new mom, and I was just, like, thinking, oh, my God, what if my daughter was like this? Which was so. Such a shift. Because if she was like, Billy island before that, I was like, I want to be like this.
Pete Holmes
What if Leela was an industry planner? Plant. I'm just kidding.
Chris Thayer
Not an industry plant.
Pete Holmes
I've only. I've just seen people online say that. So, like, Billy people online.
Chris Thayer
No.
Pete Holmes
And I do not agree with them. Love. Don't click on a Guess who's an industry plant video just because you don't even know what it means, because your algorithm will just be like, Guess who else is in industry. Everybody who.
Chris Thayer
What. What is an industry?
Pete Holmes
It means it's fake. The idea that she wrote Ocean Eyes in her bedroom is fake. They're like, that's fake. It's a story. They made it up. They recorded it. They selected her. It's like a click away from the Illuminati. People love being like, the music industry is the Church of Satan and I'm the devil.
Chris Thayer
Oh,
Pete Holmes
you're an industry plan.
Chris Thayer
Yeah, No, I heard her on Amy Poehler's podcast, tell the story of how it all happened with. With Ocean Eyes, and you're like, yeah, that makes sense. I mean, they're just very talented.
Pete Holmes
I. I'm not. I'm glad I'm not one of those people. I feel like I could be one of those people if I didn't find the love of my life. See, that's what I mean. I just. Up. That's happened. There's countless footage of people up.
Chris Thayer
Freestyles. I want that footage.
Pete Holmes
That's why I want that footage. What is the. I do, too. But what is that news, dude, the bloopers.
Chris Thayer
Oh, my God.
Pete Holmes
Where's the rap album with the bloopers?
Chris Thayer
Please release those tapes.
Pete Holmes
This is America. Sorry. I want that. I know, but you also don't.
Chris Thayer
I know. It's like. It's like magic. You don't want to know.
Pete Holmes
It's like, I wish they'd put out a cup of coffee. That makes me tired. You know what I mean? Don't be mad because I'm doing me better than. See, I just fucked it up better than I'm doing you. But you don't want to hear that fucked up.
Chris Thayer
No, you don't.
Pete Holmes
You do want to be up when you hear it, though.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
This is wkw. What was that? What was that? There's the guy. It's on our news bloopers, and he's a guy, and he goes, you're gonna read one of your poems.
Chris Thayer
Oh, my God.
Pete Holmes
I'm gonna do a freestyle.
Chris Thayer
Oh, my God.
Pete Holmes
We're gonna play it. It's not that kind of podcast. It's not the kind of podcast. But this has been a different kind of episode, and I'm gonna play it.
Chris Thayer
I don't think this episode has been a. Any different than the other ones.
Pete Holmes
I love it.
Chris Thayer
I think it feels different to you.
Pete Holmes
News blooper, Freestyle.
Chris Thayer
This is so good. You guys probably already know this, because it is It. Well, I don't know. It's popular in our house, so I don't.
Pete Holmes
I Don't want them to put the. Curb your music. Curb your enthusiasm. Okay, here it is.
Chris Thayer
Oh, my gosh.
Pete Holmes
Oh, no. He went back on.
Chris Thayer
No.
Pete Holmes
Okay, I guess we just got it. How long is the short? Okay.
Chris Thayer
When he says this is live.
Pete Holmes
Marsha Pope is a rapper turned spoken word artist.
Chris Thayer
Please welcome Marsha to the show.
Pete Holmes
Good morning.
Chris Thayer
Doing well.
Pete Holmes
So tell me, why the change from
Chris Thayer
rapping to spoken word?
Pete Holmes
Because it's basically the same thing. You know, I. Dealing with words for the Bible. It says in the Bible, first there was word in the book of Genesis, and so that's the book of John lives based on that book, which is the Bible. So you.
Chris Thayer
You're going.
Pete Holmes
That was actually in John for us now. Right, right.
Chris Thayer
And tell us what we're about to hear.
Pete Holmes
It's just a freestyle.
Chris Thayer
Okay.
Pete Holmes
I'm just going to think it out as I freestyle.
Chris Thayer
Well, let me sit back. Go ahead, Marshall.
Pete Holmes
Okay. Years ago, they tried to. Years ago, they tried to put me in the. This is last. Okay. They can't put the. They can't put the. I have a couple feelings about that one. All love and respect to this guy. The reason I like this video isn't just to mock and laugh at him. I know how he feels and when he goes, this is live.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
Like, I don't. I. I'm. I don't. I'm not. Not trying to belittle any. And I mean this very sincerely. I'm not belittling him. It's just a very real thing that you don't often get to see.
Chris Thayer
Yeah, absolutely.
Pete Holmes
And it's very painful. It's years ago, but I was trying to remember years ago. They tried to tell me, and it's like, that's what we're talking about. I'm sure this dude rips.
Chris Thayer
It's so funny.
Pete Holmes
I'm sure this dude rips.
Chris Thayer
I would imagine, like, if he does rip, it's so interesting that he so quickly realized, like, nope, I can't do it. Like, I can't do it.
Pete Holmes
Well, okay, now you're trying that hard now, bro.
Chris Thayer
Stage fright is real.
Pete Holmes
I just did Rick Lastman's podcast, and I was stoned. It hasn't come out yet. And I tried to do an impression and I just couldn't do it. It might have been. I think it was because I was stoned, but it was worse because I was stoned. And then there are just some days.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
When you can't do it. And I'm fascinated with that part of the human experience. And there are Some days when I just can't do. I did an audiobook recently. I had my own years ago. They tried to tell me, usually old homes, he just walks around like a lit candle, and I feel great and I'm ready to go. I have my coffee and it's like, come do this audiobook. Didn't look at it. Didn't look at it at all.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
And then I got in the booth and realized I'm reading aloud. Like, when it. When I did my own audiobook. When you write a book, you write in your own voice, so it's very easy to read your own book. I'm reading our friend Woody's book.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
What is it called?
Chris Thayer
Upward Bound.
Pete Holmes
Upward Bound. Our friend Woody, who. Who's brilliant. And I was honored that they asked me. And I'm sure the audiobook came out great, but every line I fucked up. I'm not exaggerating.
Chris Thayer
Not only did it come out great, but look at what that Woody's mom sent me yesterday. It's on the best audio books of 2026.
Pete Holmes
Nice. Well, that's amazing. I. I played my small part. Here's what I want to say, though. My years ago, they tried to tell me I was up so much. I had smoked weed the night before.
Chris Thayer
Ah.
Pete Holmes
I. And I probably. Knowing me with weed, I had probably smoked weed the night before. Before I was just like, I'm in a nothing place. I'm not. I know I have that audio book. So I'm puffing on the cron. I'm mowing the lawn. I go into this hilarious.
Chris Thayer
I can't even let it go.
Pete Holmes
I go into the studio to lay down some tracks. Right. I'm just kidding. To do. To do this audiobook. Oh, my God. And I. If the line was, it was the morning and the children showed up early, I would have been like, it was the morning. And, ah, it was the morning and the children. It was the morning and the children showed up early. And then I'd do the next line and I'd that up twice. And then I'd do it right. And they just had to cobble it together.
Chris Thayer
Wow.
Pete Holmes
So please do listen to that and know that what you're listening to has over 78 cuts.
Chris Thayer
You wouldn't really. The editors should get the. The.
Pete Holmes
Oh, absolutely. But what it was, was I was like. And I. I say this to you about weed all the time. I'm like, like, all my life, I coast on my charisma and my. For lack of a better word, please. My Riz and my Towel.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
Tal Compow. Talent. And I. I smoke a thing sometimes that makes that go away. Like, what am I doing?
Chris Thayer
I know.
Pete Holmes
Years ago, they tried to.
Chris Thayer
You know what's so funny, too?
Pete Holmes
Years ago.
Chris Thayer
Because I see how you are when you're stoned.
Pete Holmes
I like it.
Chris Thayer
It's really like.
Pete Holmes
I do like it.
Chris Thayer
It's the thing that I. Okay, this is my. My point that I've made before on this podcast, but it's like the universe bends towards balance.
Pete Holmes
Yeah, it does.
Chris Thayer
And so it's like if. Yeah. You can have alcohol and feel like.
Pete Holmes
Yeah, that's right.
Chris Thayer
Yeah. Yeah. But tomorrow you're gonna feel old as. And you're gonna feel like total garbage.
Pete Holmes
You're borrowing because you're borrowing from tomorrow.
Chris Thayer
I just had that with weed, too. With your rizz, specifically.
Pete Holmes
My rizz, because you are double rizz.
Chris Thayer
You'll get double brizz. You'll get too much rizz.
Pete Holmes
Too much riz. Well, you're the only one that would know, and you just said it. So I get too much riz. And then the next day, couldn't read a 6, 7, 812 page chapter of a book.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
It was fucked. In fact, that happened. I'll make this point super fast and I want to make my therapy thing real quick.
Chris Thayer
Yes.
Pete Holmes
But I got back to the hotel because I got a hotel, so I wouldn't. Obviously, I'm not going to drive Stone. And I got back to the hotel and luckily the room service was closed because. Oh, you're yawning. And it's gonna make me.
Chris Thayer
I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. You just said hotel and I thought about bed.
Pete Holmes
I mean, is there anything better than a hotel bed?
Chris Thayer
Nothing.
Pete Holmes
Even though thousands of strangers have farted and on it, it still looks like the cleanest thing God ever made.
Chris Thayer
I know. How did they do that?
Pete Holmes
Hot water and bleach.
Chris Thayer
I hope so. The nicest one.
Pete Holmes
They hope so. I was very stone and I was like, pete, I know you want to order a pizza, but if you do, you'll. You'll feel like shit. You'll sleep like shit. And I was really talking to myself. I was like, I'm asking you. You have a 6 out of 10 good feeling eating pizza, or you can have a 9 out of 10 tomorrow when you wake up and realize you didn't. And because everything was closed anyway, I woke up and got the nine out of 10. And that's being a grown up.
Chris Thayer
Wow.
Pete Holmes
A grown up is going to. I can get two marshmallows Later. And two marshmallows is the feeling of not having heartburn. And fucking fever dreams brought to you by my fucking dominoes. Yeah. Here's the thing from therapy. So I developed this protector, this strategy, and I. It was modeled for me as well, which is like, be a winner, win, succeed, Success is the best high. And weakness is to another little.
Chris Thayer
I'm sorry.
Pete Holmes
I love you.
Chris Thayer
I'm sorry. I stopped it. I stopped it.
Pete Holmes
I know. And I think I caught it. What is a yawn? It's just like a big gulp of air.
Chris Thayer
But you know what I think sometimes
Pete Holmes
the most basic thing, it's just a big gulp of air years ago.
Chris Thayer
Sometimes it's just your. Your system resetting. It's not that I'm bored or tired. Okay, please continue. I'm gonna.
Pete Holmes
I see people falling asleep in my crowds all the time. It's the highest compliment, really. Means they feel safe. No, I'm kidding. But anyway, I go around thinking, having learned the lesson that winning is the only acceptable thing.
Chris Thayer
Right?
Pete Holmes
Intelligence, slickness, confidence. And I don't even present that way most of the time. I'm just saying, these are my. It is funny. You'd think I was Jon Hamm. Yeah, exactly. You. I go to the airport in my PJs, and I'm like, slickness, confidence, intelligence. Like, really? Imagine if I didn't have this compulsion. I don't comb my hair.
Chris Thayer
No, you don't.
Pete Holmes
What? What?
Chris Thayer
And you wake up with the craziest thing I know.
Pete Holmes
And I'm like, this is right.
Chris Thayer
And you just go to coffee that way.
Pete Holmes
Go to it. Let people deal with the outline of my dick in my sweatpants when we're in line. Let people deal with the outline of my dick when we're sweatpants in line. Anyway, barista should know.
Chris Thayer
You're not circumcised. You are. I'm just kidding.
Pete Holmes
Of course I am. It's clean. Not that being uncircumcised is not clean
Chris Thayer
to say not circumcised between the two.
Pete Holmes
I. I think it's funny that being uncircumcised. If you're gonna make fun of one, you're probably gonna make fun of. He was uncircumcised. But it's funny that, like, the people that get, like, a dick lift.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
Can you cut my dick? I want. I want the part that's you that's covered that. God was like, cover that up.
Chris Thayer
Yeah. It's sensitive.
Pete Holmes
I want that out.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
And I want it in the outline of my Sweatpants. And you make fun of the guy that just didn't do anything. I went to a plastic surgeon for dicks. And I'm the normal guy. Why? Because we all did it.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
Respect. If you got the sleeve, it doesn't matter what you believe. From. And your mom, you got to cleave. That's a fancy word for leave.
Chris Thayer
Wow.
Pete Holmes
Really nice.
Chris Thayer
I liked it. I liked it.
Pete Holmes
Okay. Anyway, I realize I'm very cruel to people. I go around and I. Like, we've talked about this. Like, I just kind of have, like a lot of. If somebody's dumb, I'm just like, that person's dumb. And I will go, they're dumb. And you'll bring them up and I'll make some joke about how they're dumb. Like, I have this hyper attuned alarm system. I'm not proud of this and I am working on it. But obviously one of the main problems is there's a huge part of me that's dumb. Obviously, there's a huge part of me that's tender. There's a huge part of me that's vulnerable. And there's nothing wrong with any of these things. But when all I do is go around and it's like when you tell your kid to be kind, but then you're unkind to everybody, they're gonna be unkind. And I'm telling my inner child, children, all the parts of myself, I love you just how you are. But then I'm mean to everybody. That's like that part. So I have a weak. Not weak, a vulnerable, tender part of myself, and I say, hey, I love you. You're me. You're all good. Don't worry. But then everyone I meet that's a little bit like that, that I go, I. In my mind, I'm mean to them or I dismiss them. So this is the old. The oldest thing in the book. It's like the forgiveness you extend to people and to reality, and the love you extend to people and reality is the love you extend to yourself.
Chris Thayer
Yeah, it's.
Pete Holmes
It's the oldest thing in the world. But the line that I really wanted to say, I was like, really in it, almost like in a trance. I was thinking about just how this alarm system and how, like, I'll be walking through the airport and I'm like, stupid, ugly, whatever. And I'm like. I went. It's exhausting to think so little of people. It's like the opening line of a great book. It's exhausting to think so little people but it's true.
Chris Thayer
I think that's true.
Pete Holmes
I go, this is why I like to be alone. This is why I don't want really to have friends. I hate it. But I'm working on all of this. And that's what my therapy is, is we find all these old programs, and then we have a clear. We step outside of that and we have a clear conversation. And I go, one, I'm sorry. Two, you're absolutely right. Three, I love you. And there was this beautiful part where I was talking to this tender part of myself, and I was like, I want to fold you into me. Like, I love you.
Chris Thayer
Like, that's integration, baby.
Pete Holmes
Exactly. And I was like, there's a completion when you're there. I can't just go around. Not to point fingers, but, you know, I grew up in a family where it was like, we talk about winning, and that's kind of the end of the list. And I was like, then I do have to live and die by every Internet comment unless I can integrate and incorporate and include. I'm wrong all the time. Maybe I'm not funny all. Of course I'm not funny all day or whatever it is. Yeah, I'm a human being.
Chris Thayer
Totally.
Pete Holmes
But I'm so cruel to everybody else's weakness. I have to, like, start. And I'm really. And I said that to him. I was like, it's not just therapy. We're going to go out. We're gonna try. This is why I'm obsessed with the homeboy books. I love people that can love people. Obviously, you. And I'm like, really starting to get the message. Like, this isn't a benign habit. If I'm going around, you know, I do it. You mention somebody, I go, big head. You go there and go, dumb, dumb, whatever it is. And I'm just like, well, guess what? The sword you're cutting up reality with, you're holding it by its blade. Your hand is like. Like, severed. Awful. It's exhausting thinking so little of people.
Chris Thayer
That's true. Because it isn't your nature.
Pete Holmes
No, it's not. And that's. Sorry. That's what I get a clear look at during therapy is I go, oh, this is the real me. And Rupert talks about that, too. When you're spacious, when you're open, when you're loving, there's a real sense of like, oh, this is the. Like, people have that on mushrooms or ecstasy. They're like, this is me. This is me. And that's what I'm calling the alarm system. The. All these things that are set, set up to protect us, but we need to update them and go. We're still going to be safe, we're still going to be discerning, but we don't have to walk around and go like, you got your cell phone on your belt. Like, it's.
Chris Thayer
Yeah, yeah. Well, it's, it's. And it's. I, it. It's what you're saying. It. There's no shame, there's no way use in feeling ashamed of it, but it is because it, you know, it served a purpose at one time and it's not. And then in the. There's no bad parts way, like it's just not serving you anymore.
Pete Holmes
Yeah. Yeah.
Chris Thayer
You know.
Pete Holmes
Oh. Oh, that's so funny. While you were talking, I was like, was that okay to talk about. Oh. And I was like, yeah. You said, in my experience in Uganda,
Chris Thayer
look, we're living our lives. We're taking a page literally out of Lean Tina Dunham's new book, fame Sick. It's so good. And just gonna. We're gonna be a hot mess in front of everybody who gives a. I agree with that. If my Instagram grid is cringy, I'm living my life, baby.
Pete Holmes
Well, it's funny that you said that because this part is the part that's like, we need everybody to like us and therefore you should stop what you're doing. Like, stop. And I said, I was like, if there is. And I, I'm not sure how I feel about this, but some people with near death experiences talk about life reviews and the feeling, the impact you had on people. And I've talked about this before, but like my mission statement, one of them for life is I will be unembarrassed that I'm me and all the foibles and I'm going to let people see. And there is this untold cost. There's these parts that are like, fucking stop it. And I have to tell it. I'm like, no, we expire, we're here, let's make mistakes. All that classic stuff.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
But it, it's not what I'm. The more in touch with my feelings and my body and my heart I get, the more I'm like, oh, there are parts of me that are terrified and I need to talk to them.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
And be like, I promise it's gonna be okay.
Chris Thayer
Yeah.
Pete Holmes
This is, this is a good life. It's a good life. To live it and share it and, and even make little mistakes and big mistakes and whatever it might be.
Chris Thayer
So much of it. Oh, we always think we have to like change. It's like if this is, like, if this is feeling this tight. So if I'm like, oh my God, I think I was cringe on my Instagram.
Pete Holmes
Like, what post are you thinking about when you say that?
Chris Thayer
Just all the dancing stuff mostly. And like, what I'm.
Pete Holmes
People are inspired by how you move.
Chris Thayer
Then I, I. You would think the answer would be like, okay, so just like, like comb through and get like, really hone your image. And it's like, no, just talk to the part of you that thinks that it needs to have validation from anyone else. And literally just like dance like nobody's watching, baby. That's not even the same. The rhythm of the song, it's in three.
Pete Holmes
Thank you very much. One, two, three. One, two, three.
Chris Thayer
I don't really say it's in three.
Pete Holmes
Yeah, it's three.
Chris Thayer
Three. Three. Three.
Pete Holmes
You can just say three. Musicians just say three. I don't think they do, but I'm gonna own it.
Chris Thayer
You sure it's not in 3, 4? 1, 2, 3.
Pete Holmes
1, 2, 3, 1. I don't know, it could be 3, 4. I think it's called 3, 3 Mario Brothers 3, 3. Because I don't want the world to see me.
Chris Thayer
I don't think that they understand when
Pete Holmes
everything's made to be broken. I just want you to get hit by a bus after we fuck so I can fuck other people. I'm the devil.
Chris Thayer
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Participants: Pete Holmes (host) and Chris Thayer (co-host)
This episode dives playfully and candidly into “cringe” versus “cool,” personal nostalgia, the evolution of taste, and the delicate dance between vulnerability and self-protection. Through cultural references (music, movies, awkward moments), Pete and Chris explore secret weirdness, using their own quirks and memories, with characteristic warmth, humor, and self-examination.
Nostalgia & Changing Tastes
Cringe in Personal Life
They go on a hilariously deep tangent about the movie "City of Angels," dissecting an awkward sex scene, script choices, and fan theories (e.g., what if Cage's character was the devil).
Pete riffs on what words are “allowed” in movie love scenes, why “warm and wet” is verboten, and how even sex talk gets sanitized for Hollywood.
The conversation blurs into jokes about poorly aged cultural mores and the embarrassments of old favorites.
Mac Miller & Effortless Cool
The Myth of Flawlessness ("Bloopers" in Music/Performance)
On Effortless Cool vs. Cringe
On Integration & Vulnerability
On Music and Dance as Emotional Catalysts
On Outgrowing Old Protective Strategies
Pete and Chris deliver a signature blend of self-deprecating honesty, playfulness, and deep dives, using the language of comics, music junkies, and therapists. They model what it looks (and sounds) like to let “secret weirdness” out in the open, making it both hilarious and tender. Listeners are invited to embrace their own cringe, forgive their weird, and even, maybe, dance like nobody’s watching.
“I will be unembarrassed that I’m me and all the foibles, and I’m going to let people see.” – Pete (65:01)