Podcast Summary: "Blended States: The Power of Adding More Play and Stillness to Your Life"

Podcast: You Make Sense
Host: Sarah Baldwin
Episode Date: February 25, 2025
Guests: Rachel (Listener Q&A segment)

Overview

In this episode, somatic experiencing practitioner Sarah Baldwin delves into the often-overlooked states of play and stillness within the autonomic nervous system. Drawing on neuroscience, trauma theory, and practical experience, she explains why these "blended states" are essential for regulated living, deeper connection, creativity, and healing. The discussion includes clear definitions, benefits, obstacles to accessing these states, and actionable steps for listeners. The episode closes with a Q&A segment where Sarah and Rachel answer listener questions on embodying play and stillness, particularly in social and relational contexts.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

[00:00 – 08:51] Understanding the Nervous System and Blended States

• Autonomic Nervous System (ANS) Basics:

  • The ANS is responsible for safety and survival; it operates below conscious thought.
  • Six states: three for self-protection (sympathetic/fight or flight, dorsal vagal/shutdown, freeze [a blend of the two]) and three for regulated experiences (ventral vagal, play, stillness).

• Blended States Defined:

  • Play: Predominantly ventral vagal with some sympathetic energy (regulated mobilization).
  • Stillness: Predominantly ventral vagal with some dorsal vagal (regulated immobility/slowing).

“These two blended states are really vital, because the experience of them is what allows us to navigate the variety of experiences in life all from a place of regulation.”
— Sarah, 04:55

[08:51 – 25:36] The Power of Play

Benefits of Play

• Enhanced Learning:

  • Play facilitates experiential learning.
  • Children’s play demonstrates how mistakes are simply opportunities for growth (examples: block towers tumbling, learning to walk).

• Creativity and Collaboration:

  • Releases attachment to rigid outcomes and fosters possibility-thinking.
  • Opens pathways for group creativity and solution-finding.

• Bonding and Intimacy:

  • Shared play deepens relational attachments and facilitates conflict resolution.

• Problem Solving:

  • The curious, open stance of play enhances perspectives and solutions.

“Curiosity is perhaps one of the most vital things to bring in when we’re trying to problem solve. And it opens up our lens...and that is a feature that play brings for us.”
— Sarah, 19:32

Why People Struggle with Play

• Cultural Conditioning:
  • Play often stigmatized as childish beyond a certain age.
• Safety & Inhibition:
  • Environments that punish exposure/spontaneity impede the capacity for play.
• Sympathetic Dominance:
  • Nervous systems oriented toward anxiety, agitation, or chronic “go mode” tip play into dysregulation.

Signs of Play Deprivation & Practical Steps

• Overconsumption of serious/dense content.
• Tolerable steps: watch or read something light, engage in low-stakes fun, structure playful experiences for safety.
• Nature as resource: Engage with the world with childlike wonder (“first time seeing a tree or rock”).
• Music & creativity: Use music to elicit mirror neurons, create art, cook, write—anything that shifts presence out of the mind.

[25:36 – 36:55] The Essence of Stillness

What Is Stillness?

• A regulated state where the ventral vagal complex is dominant but includes gentle dorsal slowing.
• Examples: Watching a sunrise/sunset, observing loved ones sleep, enjoying nature, receiving a massage.

“Stillness is intentional. I am taking aside time to be present to my experience undistracted by anything else, and to allow a slowing to occur. And that really rejuvenates our entire system as a whole.”
— Sarah, 30:57

Benefits of Stillness

• Deepens presence and acute awareness, allowing for profound connection to self and others.
• Cultivates intimacy in relationships by allowing the depth of one’s inner emotional world to be seen.
• Supports rest/sleep and rejuvenation.
• Critical for spiritual connection; presence as gateway to the spiritual.

Barriers to Stillness

• Sympathetic Dominance:
  • Chronic mobilization makes stillness feel unsafe or “impossible” (e.g., inability to relax on vacation).
• Trauma:
  • Stillness can mimic immobilization from trauma, triggering avoidance.
• Confronting Inner Experience:
  • Stillness brings one face-to-face with difficult emotional states (grief, longing, loneliness).

Building Capacity for Stillness

• Walking Meditation:
  • Movement can aid nervous systems for whom stillness feels initially unsafe.
• Nature & Soundscapes:
  • Engage all senses in nature, or use nature sounds indoors.
• Intentional Single-Tasking:
  • Reduce multitasking to enhance present-moment focus.
• Relational Stillness:
  • Quiet togetherness—eye contact, holding hands, reading to each other.
• Bedtime Rituals:
  • Lower lights, avoid screens, use calming sounds; engage in slowing activities like reading, drawing, yoga nidra, or a bath.

[36:55 – 47:59] Listener Q&A with Rachel: Dancing, Play, and Incremental Growth

Overcoming the Fear of Dancing (Play in Public)

• The listener desires the freedom observed in uninhibited dancers but freezes in public.
• Sarah shares from personal experience: if our goals outpace our nervous system capacity, we freeze.
• Steps to Grow Play Capacity:
  • Practice moving to music privately to connect with the body (non-performative play).
  • Identify and gently mobilize constricted areas (hips, shoulders).
  • Attend non-judgmental, group movement classes (e.g., 5Rhythms, ecstatic dance).
  • Recognize that it’s sometimes easier to play with strangers than intimates.

“Everybody can dance. ...Kids who are uninhibited would—none of them would say, ‘I’m bad at this.’ They would all say, ‘What do you mean?…That’s dancing, right?’”
— Sarah, 39:21

• Rachel reflects on her own journey moving from performance/anxiety to embodied joy, thanks to classes that emphasize safety and self-expression.

[47:59 – 59:52] Q&A: Stillness, Meditation, and Relationship Regeneration

Why Meditation Can Cause Distress

• For those in sympathetic activation (anxiety, agitation), forced stillness in meditation feels unsafe (the “stampede” metaphor).
• Movement-infused meditation (walking, swaying, bilateral stimulation) is advised for such states.
• Stillness can also mimic trauma states (immobilization); hence, gentle movement is crucial.

“If you inhibit the natural response your body wants to have, which is mobilizing, and you just make yourself be still, your nervous system is going to try to wake you up and get you to move, which means it will increase the activation.”
— Sarah, 51:03

• In dorsal shutdown states (apathy, dissociation), avoid closing eyes during meditation as it can deepen disconnection; movement helps.

Relationship Repair through Play and Stillness

• Conflict arises when both partners are “armored” in self-protection and can’t be vulnerable.
• Regulation (often through play) is a precursor to conflict resolution.
• Engage in activities together that facilitate play without focusing on problems.
• Play and stillness fortify relational bonds, facilitate mutual vulnerability and tender communication.

“When we are able to engage in play with one another, it deepens our bond. And then from that place, it makes conflict resolution so much more possible.”
— Sarah, 62:08

• Rachel shares a playful family ritual ("rizz" lines between her and her partner) that fosters connection and regulation for all family members.
• Play also helps siblings repair and recalibrate their relationship.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Play & Learning:
  • “From this state of play, we are actually able to really learn in the most expedited way possible.” — Sarah, 12:27
• On Stillness & Presence:
  • “It really is what allows us to be in acute place of presence…To be that present to that which is in front of us.” — Sarah, 30:13
• On Incremental Growth:
  • "We have to build the bridge to get to this place that we want to go. That was absolutely my journey." – Sarah, 44:26
• On Intimacy through Stillness:
  • “When we come into stillness and gaze at each other…whoa. It's a whole other ballgame in terms of intimacy.” – Sarah, 54:04
• On Healing and Joy:
  • "Healing doesn't always have to be heavy and in depth…It's actually equally as important to be playing and leaning into more and more play and stillness, too." – Rachel, 68:17

Key Segment Timestamps

• 00:00–08:51: Intro, nervous system basics, defining play and stillness as blended states.
• 08:51–25:36: Deep dive on play: benefits, obstacles, and cultivating capacity.
• 25:36–36:55: Deep dive on stillness: definition, benefits, barriers, and practical tools.
• 36:55–47:59: Listener Q&A—incremental steps to comfort with play/dancing.
• 47:59–59:52: Q&A on meditation challenges and relationship repair through play/stillness.
• 59:52–68:31: Family and relationship stories; integrating play and stillness into daily life; concluding thoughts.

Actionable Takeaways

• To Expand Play:
  • Start small, add light media, structure playful activities, engage in creativity, explore nature as if for the first time.
• To Cultivate Stillness:
  • Use walking meditation, nature or sounds, intentional single-tasking, bedtime rituals, relational stillness (silent closeness).
• For Relationships:
  • Repair and deepen connection by prioritizing play and stillness—start with non-verbal, shared joyful activities before tackling conflicts.

Final Note

Both play and stillness are not indulgent extras but core ingredients for a regulated, rich, empowered life. Incremental, tolerable steps towards these states can fundamentally shift internal experience, relationships, and the capacity for joy and healing. As Sarah concludes, “We need these states to step into an even bigger life, a more exciting life.”