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Parts Work: How Different Parts of Us Show Up in Our Lives
01:11:27
Although we may look our numeric age on the outside, we actually have many different parts or versions of ourselves within us. Using somatic Parts Work, also known as IFS or inner child healing, Sarah is going to show you how these different parts can inhabit our experience to influence the way we show up in our daily lives. When we come to the aid of these younger parts and give them the love, safety, attunement, and protection they didn’t receive in the past, it creates what Sarah calls internal co-regulation, so that we can begin spending more time moving through the world as our confident, capable adult self.
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Sarah
Hi, I'm Sarah, and welcome to youo Makesense. I'm a somatic experiencing practitioner and expert on trauma resolution, attachment, parts work, and nervous system regulation. This podcast is a manual to understanding your human experience so that you can navigate the world with freedom, ease, empowerment, and create the life that you desire. Remember, you make sense all parts always. So this is an episode that I've been looking forward to since we began this podcast, and it's an introduction to parts work. When I think about the foundational components to healing, of course, I always talk about nervous system regulation being the foundation and the key. I would also say that parts work is really a necessary component to experience holistic healing. So when I say parts work, you may have heard this referred to as internal family systems or inner child work. Essentially, those are the same thing. I want to explain what parts actually are. So when we come into this world, we come into it as a whole being. And what occurs through time is we all experience traumas of some kind. None of us get through this lived experience without them. Trauma, remember, is not an event. It's how an event overwhelms our system's capacity to process what is occurring. So if that happened and we didn't have a resolution in the experience, then essentially what's occurring is the part of us that was at that numeric age gets fragmented off of the whole of us and kind of gets. Not kind of, but literally gets locked and stuck in that, like a time capsule in that experience. So I think about it as them. Like, you can imagine the image of that part fragmenting off of me, and they're in that experience, but there's a rope between us that keeps us connected. And that's the difference between parts. We all have parts. And the experience of DID or dissociative identity disorder in that experience, which is also linked to trauma, it's like there's no rope connecting. So they're entirely different personalities and entirely, in many ways, different selves. But all of us have parts. And this visual that I'm guiding you through of that version of ourselves with a rope is really what it's like. An example of this is, let's say when you were 6 years old, your parents got divorced, and they didn't have the emotional capacity to process that themselves. Maybe they were really in younger parts of themselves, so they pitted you against one another. They were arguing all of the time. It was a really toxic situation. And because of that, they couldn't meet your needs of being really overwhelmed in it. And so the result of that might be that that 6 year old gets fragmented off in a place of feeling really high fear or terror. All of this is to say, or a side note, I want to say if anybody here has gotten divor, I don't want you to think, oh my gosh, my kids have a fragmented part because I got divorced. No, divorce can be the most wonderful thing for a child. It isn't necessarily traumatizing at all. I'm just painting a picture of an experience where it may have been. So that part gets fragmented off and then that part is essentially reliving that experience perpetually. Now let's say later in my life I'm bullied in school, in middle school and so I might have a 12 year old part that fragments off and that part perpetually feels like they don't belong anywhere. They, they feel less than, they feel terrified and kind of frozen. So that 12 year old is fragmented off. Then maybe I have a 16 year old that experienced some kind of, I don't know, let's let me find something. Betrayal maybe that their high school sweetheart betrayed them and you didn't have caregivers to really help you process that in any way. That part gets fragmented off and that part doesn't trust people and that part feels that, you know, people are always going to leave. And then usually we all have what I'll call the most vulnerable part that gets fragmented off. And that means essentially the biggest traumatic experience that we've had. So maybe that was abuse, maybe that was neglect, maybe that was a caregiver who got sick or passed away. And let's call that part eight years old and that eight year old old gets fragmented off in terror. So they're just overwhelmed in terror and maybe they dissociated in order to get through that experience, they fragment off. So all of these parts live fragmented off of us. But they might not always be present in our experience. In order to understand how they become present, we have to bring in polyvagal theory. I've talked about this before, but healing is a web. And so many of these different theories and modalities, they need each other in order for us to gain full holistic healing. And in order to fully really understand each of these, we need to bring bring in these different theories and modalities and all these different in the different research that there is around healing. So polyvagal theory is Stephen Porges's theory behind how our autonomic, autonomic nervous system functions and how it's really our self protective system. It is the System that supports us to have our full human experience. It creates every sensation, feeling, behavior, thought, perception of self, others, and the world around you. So literally, it create everything. And the way that it works is it has. We've talked about this, obviously, a lot here on this podcast, but the first line of defense is your threat detector called neuroception. And so neuroception looks out into the world every millisecond of your life to see if you're safe. And it's looking at everything that you ever encounter, every millisecond now to make a decision on if you're safe or not. It looks to or resources, your internal database. This is a. Think of it like a computer system filled with every lived experience you've ever had. And so it doesn't look for identical matches. It looks for flavorings or similarities. So let's say you're cruising along in your adult life as adult you, your numeric age that you are now, you can think of this, you're like your true self, your soul self, your highest self, et cetera. You are only in that version of you, by the way, when your nervous system has decided that your current experience is safe. So if your nervous system decides that you come into what's called your ventral vagal complex and you experience all the good things, things we're really desiring. Presence, contentment, aliveness, peace, openness. Your thoughts are not racing. You just feel really here and good and alive. That happens when we're in regulation, and that means our adult self is going to be inhabiting our experience. But let's say I gave all those examples of fragmented parts. So let's say I get into a situation where I am going to some kind of dinner. I don't know, I'm going to call it a networking dinner. There's. There's maybe 30 people there. And some of these people are more successful than me in their career. Some of the people are around where I am at, but there's different levels of. Of where people's careers are at, let's say. And some people are beyond me, where I currently am. And let's say that a lot of these people know each other, okay? So. And I don't know them. My threat detector says, all right, we have some information here. Some of these people are further along than Sarah is, and some of these people. And some of these people know each other, and Sarah knows no one. So it looks to the database and it says, what intel or information do we have on groups on people who are further along than Sarah and on people that know each other and she doesn't know them. So it might look to remember that 12 year old we talked about that got fragmented off. It might look to her and be reminded of her experience. It might say, whoa, this reminds of being 12. When I was a new kid in middle school, everyone knew each other. Well, the people at this didn't know each other. They all have this sense of belonging that I don't have that reminds me of middle school. And some of these people are further along. And maybe in middle school it felt like the other kids were the cool kids and I wasn't the cool kid. So even though those aren't the same things at all, there's enough of a flavoring that my threat detector might say, I think that's dangerous. And it reminds me of when I was 12. And so what occurs in that millisecond is no longer does my adult self inhabit my body. It's as if we have gone off on that rope and we've gone into the 12 year old's experience and essentially she inhabits my body. I call this who's on the plate? Meaning imagining you're this, like this clean white dinner plate. Or it could be a purple dinner plate or it could be a green dinner plate. Whatever color dinner plates you have. I just happen to have white dinner plates. But imagine it's this clean dinner plate, okay? At any given moment someone has to be on the plate because that's whomever is guiding your experience. So in this moment I go from adult me was on the plate earlier in the day. But then when I get to that dinner, adult me flies off the plate and instead 12 year old me comes onto the plate. And now I'm not actually in this moment where the dinner is happening. It's literally as if I've traveled back in time to when I was in seventh grade. And I am literally there. I am not fully here at this dinner. The past is being superimposed on the present and now the 12 year old isn't literally inhabiting my body. And you know what's so fascinating about this? And the more that I've done parts work from a somatic lens and incorporating polyvagal theory is it's very evident that each of our parts have different autonomic tones. We've talked about this in earlier episodes, but an autonomic tone essentially, not essentially, is the current shaping of your nervous system. So my adult self's nervous system might be oriented towards regulation, meaning when I am in my adult self, I feel present Anchored here and good. And it's shaped a way that I'm predominantly in what's called my ventral vagal complex or state of regulation. Now that 12 year old has their own autonomic tone that's very different from mine. Meaning what was the shape of her nervous system when I was 12? Well in that moment the shape of that nervous system might have been a high sympathetic. So your sympathetic nervous system is your state of mobilization. This is where anxiety, worry, frustration, fear, terror, rage, lives racing thoughts where we're worried it's someone mad me, did I do something wrong? Or we might feel frustrated. It's all about the doing. So this 12 year old, I'm just, you know, making this up. But let's say this 12 year old me, her autonomic tone was like a, a 5, 1 to 10 being the, the levels a 5 or 6 a sympathetic oriented towards panic and fear. So as soon as this 12 year old is on the plate, I actually feel her autonomic tone. I am literally feeling what she felt, exactly what she felt back when 12. Even though I'm sitting at a very different table. Not only that, because that part's present in my body, I'm going to have her thoughts, I'm going to have the behaviors that she would have. I'm going to, meaning I'm going to do the things that she did because those things were the things that saved her life and allowed her to adapt. So I'm going to think the same things, I'm going to do the same things. I might even notice that my body language changes. The sound of my voice might change. Like when we're in young parts, our voice can literally change. Like I might sound much less like the prosody of my voice might be different. My voice is on the deeper side and it might be much higher pitch. When the 12 year old comes into my body, the language will be different. So my thoughts might be something like I don't belong. I don't think they like me, they're better than me. I shouldn't have worn this. I look weird. I don't know what to say. I'm not that that's smart. Can you see, can you see how that language, you know, is really reminiscent of that developmental age. And by the way, when I did have this 12 year old part and she did sound a lot like that and that again is because it is literally like everybody, we are traveling time, we are literally going back to that experience. And so it can be really confusing because later we might get back into our adult self. So we come into safety and so the threat detector says we're safe now. Actually, this doesn't remind me anymore of being 12 because I'm back home with my dog and on my couch. And so adult me comes back into my body and then I recount or remember the experience from earlier and I say to myself, like, what the hell? Why did I say that? They were being kind of critical of me and I just sort of laughed and like, ha ha, it's really funny. It wasn't funny. Why did I do that? Like, ugh, what's wrong with me? And I don't know why I let them bother me so much. Well, it wasn't you, it was 12 year old you. And I just want to name that because it's incredibly common that as we have parts show up in our lives because they're being reminded of the past, that then later we say, I don't know what the heck is going on with me. For example, in romantic relationships you might find yourself having experiences where you get into a romantic partnership and all a sudden you no longer feel capable and able like you do at work. You feel scared, out of control, small, like panic, like you're going to die if they leave. Why? Well, because maybe that activated six year old you who had a parent who abandoned you. And so when you're in the relationship is as if that six year old is present in your body and you are feeling their autonomic tone of terror. And for a six year old, if the adult leaves, you know, if all adults left them, they would die. They wouldn't be able to make it on their own, likely. So it is life or death. So this is why a capable, able adult, you may not feel so capable and able in that moment. You might feel literally what the Yang part felt. And for most of us, everybody, we have experiences where our parts don't know each other yet, meaning we're in regulation. Adult us is on the plate and then the threat detector sees something that reminds it of the past. And one of these fragmented parts gets triggered and that part comes onto the plate and inhabits our body. And they do all the things they did when they were young to try to get safety in the experience. And then later, when we're in safety, the young part goes to rest and adult us comes back. And most people go their entire lives with their parts, never ever meeting each other. The work of healing that we're going to actually I'm going to invite you into in a moment is we have to, we have to have those parts, get to know each other so that we can help the fragmented parts and bring them back to us. Before I explain that, there are a couple other things I want to address. And one is that we generally have two different categories of parts. We have our most vulnerable parts, and then we have protector parts. Now, the most vulnerable parts are the parts that experienced quite overwhelming things that they didn't have protection around or they didn't have help in processing. And if we didn't have caregivers who could properly be the adults that we needed, creating attunement with us and connection and softness and also protection and ferocious protection really of us. If we didn't have that, then our psyche and our nervous system is so brilliant that what it will do is it will actually develop protector parts. So those are more fragmented parts that develop to keep the really vulnerable parts parts safe. Their job is to ensure that the most vulnerable parts never, ever, ever again experience what they experienced. I'm going to give some examples from my own life of vulnerable parts and protector parts. And again, sometimes I know when I use examples from my own life, you might think, oh my gosh, those are kind of extreme examples because of my history. But this, they do not have to be examples like this for it to pertain to you. Everybody has most vulnerable parts and protector parts. So just think about in your own, as I give these examples, how this might resonate with you. So I had a very vulnerable part that experienced abuse inside of my home. And so. And nobody protected that part. So the result of that was soon after those experiences, I developed a couple of protector parts. One protector part was a dissociative part. So this part's job was to make sure if I was ever in danger, that I would leave my body so I didn't have to feel what was happening. So this dissociative part, she is good and she could come on in a millisecond to protect me. So if anything seemed overwhelming, the dissociative part would come in and all of a sudden I might feel blank or out of my body or here, but not here. A lot of dissociation can feel like that. Like a lower grade dissociation is dissociation, essentially, if that word is new to you, It's a survival response of leaving our body to ev. The danger that we can't get away from. And I want to name we all dissociate. If you've ever driven home to your house and you get home and you're like, how did I get Here, that's a form of dissociation. It's just not happening because of danger. It's happening because of habituation. And your system is essentially saying, I think I can go on cruise control because I know how to get home. But the dissociation I just named could be something like I've experienced, you know, so much in my life, which is you feel here, but not here. It's almost like you're on a drug. The world feels kind of far away, but you're in it. I often would say, like, I feel like I am drugged. And can anyone tell that this is going on? I just can't quite grasp life deeper. Dissociation, of course, is like, I don't remember what happened. And that was essentially my whole childhood until later in my life. I dissociated so fully, I don't have much memory of it, or I don't know who I am, or I feel numb, like I'm floating. All that's dissociation. So I had a dissociative part. I, I. To protect that young one. I also had a brilliant perfectionist part and a doer part. And that perfectionist doer part developed, you know, probably around third grade for me, which was right around the time of where abuse started. And you sometimes, the protector parts usually rather develop very close to the age of the most vulnerable part. So this brilliant third grader said, okay, okay, well, I'm going to have to make sure that really young one is safe. So if we can do all of the time and we can overachieve, we can get love at school from teachers. We in this part continue to develop as I got older, like in middle school and high school, where I literally joined every single club that you could ever possibly imagine. I was president of my class literally from like 5th grade to 12th grade, which isn't too much of an achievement because I did graduate public school with 46 people. Just want to name that, in the middle of nowhere in New Hampshire. But I joined everything. I did it all. And the reason that I was doing that was because that protector was like, if we can just be out of this home, we'll be safe. So I was, was never home until like 10pm every day. It also helped me to, to disconnect me from my embodied experience because I was going, going, going, going, going all the time. Another benefit of this protector is I felt so out of control in my home and so out of control in my body that if I could just control my external circumstances, it gave me a sense of safety. And so if I could just get everything right and I this is what perfectionism is. It's external control to make us feel control when we feel out of control inside. So if I could just get everything right and I could get straight A's and I could do all the things, then I would be okay. And so again, you don't have to have a history like me to say, wow, I have a protector like that. Actually, I am just always going, going, going, going. It's never an enough. Once you set the bar, you raise the bar, that's a protector. And so those are just some examples of what it looks like to have vulnerable parts and then protector parts. A couple other examples I can give is, let's say that you had a young part who in your home, your parents were really loving, but maybe one of them was depressed all the time and the other didn't know how to meet emotional needs. So the home almost felt lifeless, like there was no connection inside of it. And that's a primary need. So you might have a very vulnerable part that feels utterly alone. And so to be with that experience of being utterly alone would be way too overwhelming. So what you may have done is you developed a protector. You might have developed a protector like I, like I've just named a doer, an achiever, a controller. So we have other protectors that their job is to control everything, and if they control everything, then you're going to be okay. We have other protectors who might be deflectors of other people's emotions. Because let's say you have a vulnerable part that was engulfed all the time by your caregiver, meaning your caregiver was looking to you to emotionally support them, or they invaded your privacy, like read your journal, did all of those things. Then you have a part that's saying, nope, never again. So as soon as someone comes towards you with emotion, you have this deflector part that shuts them down, down or gets away. I can't handle other people's emotion because it's too much for me because I don't want that young part to feel engulfed again. So I just wanted to explain that because those are the, the, the two primary categories of parts that we have. And I hope in hearing this, you can see how brilliant you are. All of this, by the way, was so that you could continue to develop, so that you can continue on in life when no one else was able to help you. You develop parts that could. And so, you know, I don't know if you've heard of the book no Bad Parts Dick Schwartz book who's incredible and the creator of Internal Family Systems. The truth is there are no bad parts. They have all done such an incredible job of ensuring our survival. So I just want to share how this might show up in our adult lives. How do these dynamics show up? We've already given some examples, but I want to give few more. Here's one. I live in a very big busy, busy city and that means that there are lines everywhere and traffic everywhere. And I see this one a lot. There's someone's driving in traffic and I don't know, maybe it's like a 65 year old guy in a car and he seems really lovely, he's having a nice time and seems really kind. He's embodied in his 65 year year old self. But then let's say he's at a stop sign and there's a car in front of him and that car takes, you know, five seconds before they turn. And maybe they are looking at their phone, which isn't okay. You know, they're not alert to the road and that is inconsiderate. But to their threat detector that they're reminded of their caregiver, maybe their father who never saw them, meaning they felt invisible and this situation is reminding them of when they were 14 and they felt invisible to their father has nothing to do with their father but it has enough flavorings. So all of a sudden adult them goes out the window and it's as if that 14 year old is in his body and now he's feeling all the things that he felt at 14. He has the same autonomic tone or nervous system of the 14 year old. He's literally traveled time. And the other thing is, is now that we have safety in our adult lives, oftentimes these parts are now able to experience and express what they weren't able to experience and express in the past. So maybe he wasn't able to feel the anger towards his father because his father would have gotten more angry. He so he inhibited it. But now in the safety of his own car in 2024 he is able to get angry. And so now he's swearing and flicking the person off and he's like, I can't believe you did this to me, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Well, he's not actually talking about the person in front of, he's talking about his father. And you might notice the language is different. The language might be the language you would hear of a developmentally aged 14 year old boy. So the appropriate language of that age. His face might look different, like literally, the posture might become different because a whole different part is inhabiting his experience. And then later you'll notice that adult him comes back, back. Another example of what this might look like is let's say that you have this perfectionist part, right? And you are in your job and you're working really, really, really hard, and you have to do a presentation, I don't know, let's say, and you haven't done a presentation like this before. And your perfectionist part might say, oh, it's not safe to get this wrong. Because if we get this wrong, love, love will be withheld, will be ridiculed or harmed in this particular way. So this part comes online and says, I'm really good at being a perfectionist. I know what I'm going to do. We're going to stay up literally all night rehearsing this, and we are not going to prioritize sleep because this feels like life or death. So we are going to practice for eight hours in the middle of the night, and you will sleep at another point in time, you're not going to sleep now, when you know it's okay to get the presentation not exactly right and it's not life or death, but to that part, that perfectionist part, that's going to be very rigid. That part's going to feel like this is the only option. So you'll notice a rigidity coming in, a franticness coming in, because the perfectionist part has shown up. And then later in your life, you might, you know, the next day or whatever, or in another situation, you might have adult. You show back up in your body and your adult self might feel like, you know what? All is always okay, all is well, it will work out. I don't have to be perfect. And those parts don't generally know each other. And for most people navigating their lives, that's what's true. They certainly navigate our relationships. I just want to name that as well, romantic relationships, but also friendships. Because your romantic relationships remind your young parts the most. Or remind your threat detector, rather the most of your childhood. So this is why a lot of us have young parts running the show in our relationships. And so they show up something as simple as is. Like maybe your partner, you know, they ate your leftovers. I don't know, some simple example I could find in my mind. And to a young part, your young part is reminded of how they were always. They were never, their needs were never met, and they were always Put second, meaning the parents always put their own needs first. And so when your partner does that, all of a sudden it activates this 8 year old you and you feel this deep experience of this person is wrong for me. I don't want to be with this. This person is dangerous, they are selfish, they aren't for me. And that younger part will try to get you away from your partner. And so what's really important is we have to begin identifying who's on the plate. Is it adult me or is it younger versions of me? And we have to begin showing, not telling these younger parts that the present is actually different from the past. Otherwise our parts are going to have us leave relationships that might actually be really good for us. Us, or leave jobs that might actually be really good for us, or stay in things that aren't really good for us. So the more that we can understand the parts, help support them to feel safe, the more that we are actually able to be in the driver's seat of our lives and make decisions that are actually going to support the life we desire. I just really quickly, before I get into what's necessary to get to know and comfort our parts, I just want you to feel this for a moment because right now we're being quite conceptual in, in the experience of parts work, but it's actually somatic in nature. It must be somatic because we're addressing the nervous system of these parts. So I just want you to feel the difference for a moment between your adult self, which I sometimes call your competent protector, and then in the difference between them and a younger version of yourself. So for a moment, I just want you to think of any experience you've had in your life where you have felt capable and able. Able. It might be a moment where you were in awe or wonder. So it could have been a moment in nature. It could have been a spiritual moment where you felt present here, good, anchored, safe. It could be a moment where you were helping another person and you just felt in flow. And even though they were scared, you weren't scared. You knew everything was going to be okay. This could be a moment that literally lasted one second. So what I want you to do is I want you to bring that to life for a moment. The way that we bring an experience to life is by using all the senses we have access to an acronym that Dan Siegel came up with. He uses this acronym a little differently. I use it the way one of my friends and mentors, Deb Danny, uses it. Is this acronym stands for sensation, image Feeling and thought. So when we embody the sensations, the images, the feelings and the thoughts of an experience, it makes it come alive in us. So what I want you to do right now is I want you to see the images that were present when you were in this experience. So close your eyes and just imagine the images that were around you. Notice how everything looked. Notice how the air felt on your skin. Notice what you heard. And as you do that, I want you to notice the sensations in your body. Sensations are things like, I feel open, expanded, calm, peaceful. I feel warm, tingly, anchored. Notice sensations. And after you notice the sensations, I want you to notice the feelings that arise. Feelings are things like, I feel safe, feel joyful, I feel in awe and wonder and contentment. I feel curious, I feel creative, I feel loving, I feel loved. What feelings do you notice and what thoughts are present? Likely there are going to be thoughts about how everything's going to be okay. You are capable, you are able. No matter how challenging this thing is, you're going to be able to embody it. And then I want you to notice what behaviors want to arise. Might just be being still, might be hugging the person in front of you. Whatever behaviors want to be, be there. So what you're embodying right now is your adult self, or your soul self, or your highest self, your truest self, anchored in this moment as you keep that part of you alive. So that's the part that's on the plate. What I want you to do right now is invite in any moment where you felt some kind of dysregulation, maybe you felt like you didn't belong, or you felt a little bit less than, or you felt kind of unsafe or panicky. I do not want you to think of the most triggering moment you've had in your life. Could literally be like having social anxiety, for example. And then I want you to ask yourself, without overthinking this, how old is that part? Really? Try not to overthink that. Or you could ask yourself, when that happens, do I feel small, scared, little out of control, etc. Now, all of that lets you know who this part is. Another prompt you can ask yourself is, when I ex or when I experience this, what does it remind me of? Or when was the first time I remember feeling this? So if it's social anxiety, for example, it might be, yeah, I remember feeling that even in kindergarten. It's the first memory that comes to me. Well, then that lets us know that that is likely the part where the part originated from. Now, again, I do not want you fully embodying that part. So don't sift it, don't do the sensations, image, feelings and thoughts. Right now I just want you to have an introduction or a noticing of how different that part is from you. So just go back and forth for a minute, go back to feeling into that capable, able present part and then feel into this other part that's present. Notice the difference. And the reason I wanted you to do that is because it's so important. You have an embodied experience of this and programs that I offer. If you're interested, I have two that we do this inside of. You can go to my website or you can go to my Instagram and check out those different programs. But inside of them we actually do deep parts work. Of course I can't do that just on this episode, but this is an introduction to that. So here's the thing. So coming back to presence, come back into that adult self and orient to the space you're in. Meaning just look around your space. Go back to that moment of awe for a second and, and I want to talk for a moment about how do we begin protecting our parts and giving them what they needed in the past, in the here and now with us. That is how we take fragmented parts and we integrate them into our whole selves. Now through this process, number one first step is we have to differentiate from our parts, which is what this episode is meant to do for you. We have to begin noticing who's on the plate because if you're over identified with your parts, you won't be able to successfully come to their aid. We have to see that they are different from us and they are different from, from you. They're a, they're a version of you, but they're not adult you. So first we differentiate like we just did and then we have to do a process that I call internal co regulation and that is literally like reparenting. So if you had a child, how would you parent them? Well, there are two components necessary to be a competent protector for our younger parts. One is that we are assigned soft, safe, gentle parent that can attune to them deeply emotionally. And the second is that we are a ferocious protector. You know, I, I think about this in the animal kingdom. An elephant herd is doing this all the time with the baby elephants, right? They are soft and gentle with them, but they're also ferociously protective if anyone try to get near their young. When we have that, it's what allows our younger parts to feel safe with us and then allows them to feel safe in the world. So many of us in our lives, we had caregivers who might have been soft and loving, but they weren't that ferocious protector. So we need to work the muscle of turning towards our parts and coming to their aid and being that soft, gentle, generous protector and also showing them in our own body what it is like to be the ferocious protector. So like literally feeling that in your body, something that I use a lot to get our adult selves online is, is imagery. And one of those things is a sequoia tree. Sequoia trees are profound, powerful. They are anchored and rooted and majestic and unwavering and unbothered really. They know like, they know like, they know that they are okay and safe. And so we can actually, via mirror neurons, when we imagine something, we can actually inhabit it in our physicality. So literally imagining that sequoia tree will allow your system to take in the energetic field of a sequoia tree. So when you do this, I want you to, to allow your body to feel big and vast, your whole spinal column becoming big. You might feel like you're 200ft tall. That helps to get the competent protector online. Once we have that and we are able to access the ferocious protector and the soft and gentle parent, we turn towards the young part and we listen to them. That's really all they're looking for. They're. Here are the things they're looking for, to be heard, to be understood, and to be protected. Protected. Those are the three things our parts need. They are not looking for you to fix them because they don't need fixing. Those are the things they need. And when we do that without trying to change them, the parts calm down and they become integrated inside of us. The result of that is we actually get to navigate the world as our adult selves. That means you get to get unstuck in your life. That means life is not these up and down roller coasters where it feels like, I don't know what my truth is because I have different parts present all the time. And it's exhausting and hard, but becomes steady and filled with so much more ease. The very last thing I want to say is that as we do this and then we begin to step into the world in a bigger way, I think of this like our parts coming out of being in solitary confinement. You know, some of us have had parts that have been trapped in that experience for 40 years, 60 years and so on and so forth. So if you were to come out of solitary confinement, you know, it would be such a celebration, right? And at the same time, the sun would be too bright at first and, and all of the people would feel overwhelming and the vastness of life would feel so big that we'd want to sometimes go back into that cell. And so we want to be gentle with our young parts as we step into an expanded life. We want to do this gently and slowly so we take in a little bit of that light. And the more we do that, we build our capacity for more of it. We build our capacity for being expanded so that we can step into the life. We design desire with our young parts by our sides, holding their hand. And we do it one small, tolerable step at a time. And in terms of parts work, I think there's, there's no better time to remind you that you make sense. All parts of you always, because all parts of you do make sense. Want to get more of these tools straight into your inbox? I send free teachings most Wednesdays that cover a wide range of topics from relationships and purpose to parts work and connecting with your truth. Use the link in the show notes below to join my email community. All right, we have Rachel back with us today. I have to say, some episodes is just me doing my solo thing and I really enjoy the episodes where you're here, Rachel. Rachel is inside. Just in case anyone is new to her, she's inside of every single community that we have in all of our programs. She's in emails, DMs. Basically, she's my right hand woman and she supports people that we support inside of our community. So thanks for being here today, Rachel. And she also compiles the questions for us that we get. If you want to submit a question, by the way, there's a link in the show notes to do that. And Rachel, take it away. Tell me what questions we have. I know we have three today, so tell me what we've got going on.
- [39:38]
Rachel
Yeah, we do. We do. And they're great questions. Okay, so how can I better regulate myself during parts work when there are several parts showing up at once that all need my attention?
- [39:51]
Sarah
So I first just want to say this. As we begin doing parts work, what starts to happen is these parts that have been alone and not heard for a very long period of time, like literally decades. The more that we build our capacity to be in our adult self, just like a child would, these parts look at us and they're like, oh wow, there's somebody safe here. There's somebody that can listen. So what we might Start noticing is there's a few different parts that are like, hi, I need your attention. Hello. I need your attention. Hello. No one's listened to me before. And so it's really common to have that occur. What I want to name that we talked about earlier in the episode is that there's usually one or two primary vulnerable parts, like the most vulnerable parts, and then there's usually one or two protector parts, which, again, we've already talked about. What we want to look at is at any given moment is who's most in distress or loudest right now around the particular thing that I'm wanting to address. And that doesn't mean we're not going to get to all of the other parts. But what we don't want to do is let ourselves become overwhelmed. Kind of like a parent would if you had seven kids, right? Like, oh my gosh, that'd be a lot that we want to let all the parts know as we're beginning to do parts work, that we're going to attend to every single one of them. And who in this moment is feeling the most distress about whatever it is that's currently affecting occurring. The other thing that I want to name is we've talked about this in earlier episodes that in terms of trauma vortices or experiences of trauma that we've had, you don't have to address every single trauma in order for them to bring resolution. Every time you address one, it sort of shrinks down all the others until they're also gone too. So in terms of our parts, when we address one part, it also helps to support the other parts. And, and, and, and I know this might sound kind of strange if you're new to parts work, but all the other parts are listening, so, meaning if they're hearing and observing you, protecting or listening to a specific part, they're also reaping the benefits of that and building deeper safety with them. So that's what I would say. We want to get our adult self present. And then we want to ask ourselves, based on what's currently going on or the issue or the thing that's currently presenting itself, which part is most in need and invite that part in. Another thing that you can also do is, as you're in, inviting that part in to comfort them, the other parts can be around. It might be like I'm holding their hand as I'm addressing this one particular part. And that's really the way that I like to do it. Otherwise it can become again, just like if you had children in front of you can become overwhelming to try to address three of them at the same time. So just know that again, as you address one, all the others are affected by that chance change too.
- [42:44]
Rachel
Oh, yeah, and that's so helpful because especially in the beginning, it can be a bit like me, me, me, me, me. And they're all your parts are all kind of clambering for your attention. Because if you've not gone in before and acknowledged any or done this work before, then when you start, it can almost be a bit scramble for your attention. So do you have any tips for. If there are a few going, me, me, me. How do you select which one? So the one that's the strongest or. And how do you calm the others to kind of let them know they'll get their turn?
- [43:14]
Sarah
Yeah, that's. That's such a good question, Rachel. So one thing that I. That that I. Oh. That we start parts work with, which we talked about in this episode, is we anchor into our adult selves. So I use, and we talked about this in the episode too, other things outside of ourself that can support us to feel into our highest self. Most adult self, most capable self. Like I mentioned, I often use sequoia trees because they're so powerful and anchored. But really anything external journal that can support our nervous system to really take on that energy. Now, once you're in that energy, what we can do is we can invite in all the parts to feel the presence of us and so invite whatever parts are already there, saying, me, me, me, me, me. We want to give them CO regulation and we can give them all co regulation at the same time by feeling into that adult self or bringing in other competent protectors and from that place doing the internal co regulation compone be I am having all of them sit around me or on my lap or I'm holding all of their hands or my arms are around them and it might be literally doing some controlled breathing with those parts or letting them know, I am here and you are safe. I am here and you are safe. Another thing that you can do on top of that, if you're noticing that a lot of parts are speaking up, is having an notebook and letting each part let you know. If you ask each of them what feels scary to you in this moment or what feels frustrating to you in this moment, and then let each part write to you. Write down what they're. What they've said and letting them know in yourself know and I'm going to come back to this and supporting you after I tend to this one part that needs my, my attention the most right now. And I find that that can really be helpful for us to not get overwhelmed and helpful for the part to see, oh, you're going to actually help me too. Which might be later in the day or 15 minutes later or even the next day, you know, you might say, okay, I'm going to help you tomorrow or in my next therapeutic session next week, I'm going to address you and what's going on for you. So that first, internal co regulation, calming and comforting the parts and then hearing them. And such a big part of this is our parts really just need us to hear them and create safety for them. They don't need us to fix them because there's nothing actually to fix. So just that simple step can help alleviate some of the distress they might be having and also our overwhelm so that then we can go into that one part. And I also just want to say this, that we've talked about this in other capacities like energy wells and how as we heal, we go into deeper, we build our capacity, which means we can hold more activation. And so things start to bubble up. This, the same goes with our parts. So as we build more capacity as our competent protector and as a regulated person, what happens is parts start to say, oh, hello, I'm here and I'm needing some support. I have for quite some time. And then we feel the autonomic tone. Cause each part has their own vagal tone, their own tone of their nervous system. We feel the activation that they felt way back when. And so it can so often feel like we're going backwards as we're going forwards. Because it doesn't just immediately feel good. In order for us to feel good, we actually have to address the activation and the stored trauma that's in our body. We can't just, you know, feel better. Meaning in our bodies, we have to go into our body discharge or get rid of the activation and then we have freedom from it. And I just like to name that because it's just really common for people to feel like, am I doing it wrong? Am I going backwards? Why am I so overwhelmed at this moment? Or everything feels a lot harder or this is why. And it won't be like that forever.
- [47:16]
Rachel
Yeah, yeah. And that's a really important piece because when you come to start doing this work or you've been doing a little while, you can kind of think that everything's going to be great, like straight away, and then you'll never have any problems ever again and nothing will ever come up and things won't bother you. That was certainly how I thought that I would reach a place of that kind of level, if you like. And actually, it's very different to that. It's just as you said, you grow your capacity, but then other things come up for you to heal and be with. And it's being able to hold those younger parts and give them what they need. And, yeah, I'm really glad you she shared that bit, Sarah.
- [47:52]
Sarah
Thank you for asking that. Yeah, I think it's just. It's such an important component of this for people to understand. And the other thing I just want to name is that, you know, as we do this work more and more, our parts will feel safer and safer with us, and then we reach a point where they just need remote reminders. It's not a huge trigger for them. What we might need to do is, you know, get down to their level, like, get on our knee when we're about to go do something scary that they think is scary. And instead of them going into panic or shutdown, they're just like, oh, are you sure this is okay? It's like just a little bit of activation. And we hear them and say, oh, of course this reminds you of that. Yeah, I'm positive it's okay, and I'm going to protect you. And something that used to feel huge is now this, like, tiny bump that's very navigable for us, and we're able to really work our way through it. So I don't want us to have the expectation that our young parts disappear. We don't want them to disappear because they're very real versions of us. And we get so much of our gifts and our talents and our personality from these parts. What we want to do is show them that they're safe. And if it's a protector part, we want to give them a different job so that they don't have to be protecting. They can actually have full aliveness, which then allows us to have full aliveness.
- [49:15]
Rachel
Oh, and that's so sweet because then you're tending them as and when you need to, and you're really developing and cultivating and keeping that relationship going. So, yeah, that's really sweet, and you've sort of touched on this already. But there's two parts to this next question. How do we create internal safety within ourselves? And you have spoken a little bit about that, but then the question follows on with, how do we take tolerable steps before stepping into the bigger things for Us.
- [49:46]
Sarah
So internal safety. There's two primary ways, I think, about creating this. Number one is through the consistent habituated practice of regulating our nervous system. So the more that we reshape our nervous system and change our vagal tone through consistent neural exercises, those are the things like reps at the gym, the things that we do that will, will constitute as good. So any regulating resource is just something that supports us to feel more present here and good. And the more that we do those neural exercises throughout our day, breath work, like breathing exercises, bilateral stimulation, movement, sound, vibration, shaking, singing, eye movements, there's just so many somatic things we can do, including hobbies, you know, things that make us feel inspired and excited, creating art, dancing and so on and so forth. Those are regulating resources. So if you consistently do them, you reshape your nervous system and that creates internal safety. So that's one component of internal safety and it's the consistency that actually makes that occur. Now, the other part of creating internal safety is being able to access our adult self, our competent protector, our soul self, our highest self, whatever we want to call that, consistently learning how to work the muscle of getting that version of us online. And so in parts work, that's really, that's really why it's so imperative that we do nervous system regulation work either before or in tandem with parts work. Because you cannot address your parts if you don't have a competent protector within yourself present. Otherwise, otherwise we're going to be scared of their scared. Like I say a lot, we cannot be scared of their scared. If an adult is scared of what the child is scared of, the child is in trouble because there's nobody to help them. So we need to not be scared of their scared. And that's what makes it less scary for the young part. And the only way to do that is by building our capacity to be in our adult self. And also specifically, it's not just being in regulation, but when I think of, of what creates a safe, healthy adult for a young child, is that they're a competent protector. What is that? It's two things. It's being, which we've talked about, which is being safe and soft and attuned and empathic and all of that. And it's being a ferocious protector. And if we look in nature like you look at a lioness with her cubs, she's so soft and gentle and we'll play around with them and they can even bite her and she's like, ow, that's really annoying. But she's not going to of course, do anything to them. But if somebody else came along and did anything to her cubs, she would maul them and would have no problem doing that. And so what the cub is getting from that is, wow, my mommy is so nice and loving and she's amazing. And also, she'll kill you if you hurt me. So I'm really safe in the world. That means I can play and I can take risks and I can roll around with my brothers and sisters and have such a good time and, like, try to catch this fly in my mouth. Even though they're in a very dangerous place. Right. Being a lion cub is. Is not safe. There's a lot of animals that want to eat them, but they feel such safety because they have this competent protector which allows the cub to. This goes into the second part of the question. Which allows the cub to take risks in their lives. And I know anybody's saying, like, what kind of risk is a cub taking in their lives? Are they starting a company? No, they're taking a lot of risks, though. They're. They're waddling off and they're like, you know, rolling around and they're learning how to use their paws and their teeth, and they're trying to figure out how to hunt something, you know, that might start with a grasshopper. And they're not really concerned with external threats, because they don't need to be, because they have a mother that's going to protect them. Now, if their mother was only kind and gentle, which, by the way, is a lot. A lot of people had mothers who were kind and gentle but could not access their own healthy aggression. So they weren't ferocious protectors. And so because of that, what occurs is the child then needs to become their own ferocious protector, which was never supposed to happen. So we are robbed of our childhood, we are robbed of play. We are robbed of making mistakes and curiosity and letting life be messy because we had to take on that role. So many of us have had to do that now in order for us to step into the life. The second part of this person's question. In order for us to really step into the life that we're desiring, these parts need us to become both of those things, Both of those things as a parent to them, in order for those parts to feel safe, for us to live the life that we are desiring. And otherwise, our parts are going to say that big life you want where you have more visibility, where you have more vulnerability, where you have more exposure, more intimacy, more love, you're taking risks you're in the world where bad, dangerous things happen, which dangerous things do happen in the world. I can't do that if I not protected. And so what our parts do is they say no to that. And our nervous system comes in and supports them and says, okay, we're going to build a small life, a life that feels safe for you, little one, not a life that our adult self wants. And so the way out of this, the way to remediate this, is not to tell our young parts, like, what's wrong with you? Why don't you just do this thing? Which is what we do, we tell ourselves not realizing we're telling that to our young parts, they won't budge. And our nervous systems are so strong. Your nervous system most definitely won't budge. The way to actually expanding into way to expand into a bigger life is that we must become those two things to our parts. The loving, attuned caregiver and the ferocious protector. And not just through words, right? Because if I told a kid, like, I will protect you no matter what the kid's like, I don't believe you. How do I know you're going to do that? How do the lion cubs know that they can play? They've watched their mother roar at the male lion because unfortunately, male lions will come over. This is not the, the best thing to know, but I'm still going to tell people because I think it's interesting and it's important to know and it's a part of the work that we're talking about, sort of. But male lions will actually try to kill the cubs if they're not their own, so that they can procreate with the female line. So if a male lion comes over and is like trying to attack the cubs there, the little cubs are going to watch their mother get so ferocious that she scares off the male lion. And they're like, wow, my mom's a badass. Look how tough she is. Oh my God, she's so amazing. I don't have to worry about anything because I'm actually watching her protect me. I've seen it happen. That's what creates the safety for our parts. So what they need to see is not us going in and roaring at someone, although I guess you could do that, but feeling autonomically in our body that we can be in that protective energy. So it might be even doing some work with our parts where I'm imagining critics coming towards me or my parts and letting myself feel into the protective energy of what would I want to Do. If anyone tried to be critical of this child, well, I would never allow that to happen. I would take that energy and get away from me. I might make that person in the experience small, smaller than me. They can't affect me in the way that they could affect that little one. And the more that our young parts can see, wow, you're really powerful. You're like a superhero. The safer they feel. The result of that is they allow us to expand into a bigger life, but the life we currently have is going to be representative of the life that our young parts feel safe with Effy.
- [57:48]
Rachel
Wow. So those two components will make such a difference. And hardly anyone would even know that, because how would you know? I. You wouldn't know.
- [57:59]
Sarah
Well, that's the weird thing, right? That's what I. You know, when I said in earlier episodes, like, think of all the random stuff that we. We know, and then the stuff I don't know, like, why did no one teach me about how to invest money or do taxes or change the windshield wiper fluid in my car? I don't have any in my car right now. Rachel, do you know how to do that? I don't know how to do that. I wish someone taught me, but most importantly, nobody taught me how to do any of this. And so in order for us to expand into the life that we desire, we have to have this roadmap. And that's why we think of. You know, when we sat down to create this podcast, what was the re. You know, sat down, like, why? What's the reason? Because there's a. Plenty of podcasts out there we don't need. We're so inundated with that. But to me, it was. We. I wanted to give people a manual for understanding the human experience. Like, what do we actually do so that we can change our lives in a practical way. And. And this is the secret that shouldn't be the secret. My hope is that before you and I fly off to another galaxy somewhere, hopefully, together, that. That a lot of people have this work so. So they can have their lives changed, too.
- [59:09]
Rachel
Yeah. Yeah. Because we receive a lot of emails and a lot of questions on Instagram of people just having tried and tried and tried, and they. They reach a point where you can't push to create that bigger life anymore. And, you know, and a lot of people will write in and say, you know, they've worked with a lot of coaches, and then the coach kind of gives up on them, and. And they don't know what's happening in their system. And the coach doesn't know either. And it's not as simple. Simple as just forcing yourself and just do it and just, you know, you just. Your nervous system won't let you and your parts won't let you. So you're kind of opening a bigger arena for how to bring in support so that you can do it in a nurtured, safe, kind way.
- [59:53]
Sarah
Yeah, exactly.
- [59:54]
Rachel
Oh, and your intention for the podcast is. Is really beautiful because. And it links with this question too, so I'll read out the question.
- [60:03]
Sarah
Great.
- [60:03]
Rachel
Once you start doing nervous system work and parts work, sometimes you start noticing patterns in other people's lives that you care about, I. E. Family members when they are coming to you for support. It doesn't feel as genuine to fall back on old, unhealthy ways of support that they may be used to receiving. What is the best way to support these people? When you can see the root of the issue and know how. How much this type of work helps. If it is helpful to steer them toward you and this work, do you have any suggestions on how to go about that in a supportive manner?
- [60:38]
Sarah
Well, it's really wild. Once you do this work, you can't unsee what you see in yourself and then in everybody else. Like, you know, I try to turn it off as much as I possibly can. I would say in my friendships and romantic partnership, I turn it off. Although sometimes I have had people say, like, are you working right now? Don't stop working with me. Because it's hard to not see things right. Like, it's just, we see it all. And one thing about that is, especially with your parents, for example, you'll start to see like, oh my God, my parents are not old. Always adults. In fact, for some of us, it might be like, holy, my mother has been 14 my whole life, or maybe like seven. And you're like, what? That's what's been going on. My mom is actually a child, like, and it's a little mind blowing and a little. Well, it's a thing to process and I just want to normalize that because there's no one who has parents, and certainly of our generation or older who aren't in their younger parts, you know, some of the time. And for some of us, that might be like, a lot of the time. And then you watch your. If your parents are married, you watch them in a dynamic, right? And you're like, holy shit. I am sorry to swear, but that's what I would think in my mind as I'm, as I'M noticing it like, whoa, they are like 7 and 8 right now. And they don't know how to feel their feelings. And they're. One of them is just shutting down and like pulling away as a child. And the other one's, like trying to. Is terrified they're gonna leave even though they've been married for 30 years. So now they're like trying to backpedal and oh, no, are you okay? And it's. And you're just watching it and you're like, oh, my Lord. Wow, I'm the only adult in the room. Have I always been the only adult in the room? So that happens. And I think it's an incredibly normal thing for us to notice. Now. Something that is really important is I say this a lot, that real love is not keeping someone from their own pain and suffering. And we can tend to think love is trying to rescue someone from their pain and suffering. But when we do that, we're actually enabled and we're instilling kind of like a learned helplessness, meaning we're not helping to show that person that they are powerful and capable and able if we do things that are like a band aid for them when they're in distress. So if I am with my caregivers, with my friends, with my partner when their young parts show up, if I am acting as the primary parent because they've wanted me to be in that role, and maybe that's a role that I have gotten comfortable with and I get, you know, purpose from. If I continue to be in that role, I am not actually helping them heal at all. And I am creating learned helplessness in them. Excuse me. Or I'm exacerbating that. Because what I'm doing is I am not allowing for the possibility of them to begin to come to the aid of their parts in a way that only they can. Because here's the thing. When we do that for something, someone else, when we are the primary parent, meaning we're the person that the young parts are like, pick me up, pick me up. If I don't have you, I'm going to die. I'm not going to be okay. I need you, I need you, I need you. When we are doing that, their adult self never gets to know their younger parts. And we actually aren't the one that the young parts are. Look, actually want the. The young parts actually really want their adult self. That's the only person that can create internal safety, True, long lasting internal safety. That's only person that can create an internal sense of home. And so this isn't to say, because I've said this before, this isn't to say that we don't need others. We are not self reliant beings. We need to rely on others, attach to others. So I think of this like your partner, your friends are like secondary parents to your younger parts. But we need to be the primary parent. We need to be the source of safety. So it's like putting a band aid on. If I continually, continually resuscitate a young scared part over and over again and then that creates resentment too and codependency in the relational dynamic. And in terms of a romantic partnership, after a while we'll lose attraction because we don't actually want to be dating or married to our partner's young parts. Which is why, by the way, a lot of times it's very common when our partner or ourselves are young, identified, one or the other, that we'll start to notice that we're like, we don't want to be sexually intimate with them. We're not attracted to them anymore. We don't see them as a partner. We start to actually see them as our kid. Why? Because they're really identified with their young parts. So all of this is to say it's really important that we aren't that band aid. At the same time, what we don't want to do is go from that to saying like, all right, I'm out, I'm not going to support you, because remember, we want to be the secondary parent. So it's quite nuanced. And by the way, anyone in my profession, it is really important that whoever is helping you on your journey is not ever sending the message that you need them. That's something that I say anytime we do. Like small group consultation calls for small programs that we have, or even the bigger programs. I will always say I am not the answer. And if anyone in the mental health profession gives you a sense that they are the answer, run away from them. Because what they are doing is they're instilling codependency that you need them, that somehow they are playing God. That is so untrue. You are the answer. You are the light at the end of your tunnel. You are powerful and capable of healing. And at the same time, we all need support. I, I have like literally a whole, I have a whole marching band. I don't know why I called them a marching band, because I think marching bands are fun of a team of people that I can consistently see, like four people, consistently. You don't need to see four people consistently, Consistently. This is just something I do to expand into a bigger life. But so we all need support, but we have to be the one that is doing the work because we are the answer for ourselves. So it's nuanced in the sense that what we want to do is we might want, you know, like, if our partner's in distress, we want to come to them, you know, with loving care and compassion and care, kindness and listen. And also perhaps help them to feel really empowered and regulated. So it might be saying, you know, not when either of us are regulated or dysregulated, but sitting down and creating a game plan. Like, okay, what can we both do for either of us? I'm not just pointing the finger at you. When we are feeling unsafe or scared, how can we both work on feeling that internally and growing that. That muscle? And then we can ask each other, okay, when I feel scared and small, here's the things that would be helpful for you to do for me. Can you remind me to remember a moment where I was a protector for someone else? Can you remind me to do that? Can you remind me to go regulate? Can you give me a hug and then tell me that I've got this? And I, you know, and then do a regulating tool with me. All of that is allowing our partner to help us, but then being the one to actually do the work. And I know that's nuanced, but there's a real difference between those two things. And in coupleship, it's so important that we create a game plan not when we're in the moment of distress. It'd be like being in a war zone and trying to create a plan for getting out. It would be much easier to do that before you got there. And so because you're more regular. So we create the game plan, and then we put it into action when we're dysregulated. And the more we do this, the more we become the primary parent to our younger parts and our partner is supporting us along the way. And then in terms of, like, if you have somebody who in your life, who you want to do, you know, one of my programs or another one of any kind or get some support. It's really important to say that. That none of us want to be feel like we're under a microscope, that does not feel good, or we're the identified patient, where I'm looking at you and I can see all the things that aren't working for you. And I know that you need to change these things. And that just doesn't generally feel good for anybody, but instead saying something like, you know what? Here's the change I've noticed in my life. Because us human beings, we like to know what I'm going to get out of it. So how is this actually going to help me? So if I can share with someone, look at what's happened to me, that then that makes someone want to actually, you know, step into the work. And by the way, the more you embody it, the less you even have to say anything. I can't tell you how many people have said to me over the course of my life, like, what are you doing? What is going on? Like, what. What is happening? Can you tell me what you're up to? Because people can see the result, and then they are curious about it, and then you can share with them. You know, there's this thing that really helped me, and I find that to be a real helpful way of sharing this work with people without feeling like we are trying to indoctrinate them in a cult, which can feel that way if we're like, you have a lot of issues and you should come do this thing because it will save your life. Doesn't that sound a little cultish? Um, but instead, the embodiment of it and the gentle invitation.
- [70:40]
Rachel
Yeah, and that's really, really, really lovely because no one likes to feel like they're. They're being fixed. Like, no one likes that. And that would immediately set up, like, a resistance. And no, I don't want to, you know, no, I'm not doing that. And, you know, whereas actually, to work together to create your game plan and, and embody it yourself and then have someone kind of be interested and intrigued. Yeah, that just seems so much more wholesome.
- [71:08]
Sarah
Thank you for being with us today and for everyone listening. I hope that you found this episode to be helpful. And just remember, you make sense all parts always.