BIRTH PAIN SIMULATOR GONE WRONG! -You Should Know Podcast-

Summary

You Should Know Podcast – Episode 132: "Birth Pain Simulator Gone Wrong!"

Release Date: September 30, 2024

In Episode 132 of the You Should Know Podcast, host Peyton Hardin and co-host Cameron Kennedy dive into a hilariously chaotic recounting of their personal mishaps, childhood anecdotes, quirky fears, and an unforgettable experiment with a birth pain simulator. This episode is a testament to their enduring friendship, marked by candid storytelling and playful ribbing.

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1. Moving Mayhem and Grocery Fiasco ([03:56] - [12:00])

The episode kicks off with Peyton sharing a frustrating experience about moving into a new house. His fridge delivery was delayed until Tuesday, leaving him without refrigeration on his moving day. To solve this, Peyton enlists Cam’s help to transport his cold groceries. However, things quickly go south when Cam forgets the groceries in his fridge overnight, resulting in $90 worth of perishables spoiling.

Notable Quote:

Peyton ([07:08]): "But how is that my fault?"

Their banter highlights the challenges of relying on friends during stressful times, blending frustration with humorous exchanges.

2. Embarrassing Childhood Stories ([27:10] - [44:17])

Peyton and Cam reminisce about their less-than-glamorous school days, sharing stories that range from awkward interactions with classmates to amusing attempts at impressing peers. Cam recounts his struggles with personal appearance and social interactions, leading to playful jabs from Peyton.

Notable Quote:

Cam ([30:03]): "That's the story of my life, Right?"

These stories not only provide comic relief but also offer a glimpse into their pasts, fostering a deeper connection with listeners.

3. Animal Fears and Loose Pets ([44:22] - [50:56])

The conversation shifts to a lighthearted debate about which animals they fear the most. They discuss recent news about loose animals in Dallas, including tigers escaping from homes, and humorously debate the terror of encountering ostriches versus crocodiles.

Notable Quote:

Peyton ([46:45]): "That would be terrifying."

Their playful argument underscores their chemistry and ability to find humor in even the most unusual topics.

4. The Birth Pain Simulator Experiment ([79:17] - [103:01])

The centerpiece of the episode is Peyton and Cam’s adventurous attempt to use a birth pain simulator. Originally featured on their Patreon, this segment showcases their willingness to engage in unconventional experiments for entertainment.

As they apply the simulator pads, the duo hilariously overreacts to the simulated pains, leading to exaggerated expressions of discomfort and comedic attempts to manage the experience.

Notable Quotes:

Peyton ([81:16]): "You'Re gonna look like a hairless cat."

Cam ([85:00]): "I feel like the tip is on fire right now."

The simulator quickly becomes overwhelming, with both hosts poking fun at their inability to handle the escalating "pain levels," ultimately deciding to stop the experiment prematurely.

5. Concluding Banter and Patreon Teasers ([102:19] - [103:01])

As the episode wraps up, Peyton and Cam encourage listeners to support their Patreon for exclusive content, hinting at more in-depth and uncensored episodes to come in 2025. Their farewell is filled with their signature humor, leaving listeners eager for future episodes.

Notable Quote:

Cam ([103:00]): "We got K Rob back. Y'all love them on Patreon we're about to do an extended episode, so it's gonna be over on Patreon."

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Key Takeaways and Themes

• Friendship and Support: The episode highlights the strength and challenges of relying on close friends during stressful situations.

• Humor in Adversity: Peyton and Cam demonstrate their ability to find humor in frustrating and embarrassing scenarios, making the content relatable and entertaining.

• Authentic Storytelling: Their candid sharing of personal stories fosters a sense of intimacy and authenticity, engaging listeners who appreciate genuine interactions.

• Experimental Entertainment: The birth pain simulator segment exemplifies their commitment to creative and unconventional content, offering unique entertainment experiences.

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Final Thoughts

Episode 132 of the You Should Know Podcast is a delightful blend of humor, personal anecdotes, and playful experimentation. Peyton and Cam's dynamic rapport keeps the episode engaging from start to finish, making it a must-listen for fans and newcomers alike. Whether they're navigating moving woes, reminiscing about school days, debating animal fears, or enduring a simulated birth pain experience, their chemistry ensures an entertaining and memorable episode.

For those looking to dive deeper into Peyton and Cam’s adventures, supporting their Patreon promises even more exclusive and extended content in the near future.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

The you Should Know Podcast hey everybody. Welcome back to the you should know podcast episode 132. Round of applause please. Hey everybody, welcome back to the you should know podcast episode 132. If you are new here or if you haven't already and you look below, you see that subscribe button isn't pressed, you're wrong. If you look even more below that and you see that comment section, is it fulfilled with your name? Guess what? Even more wrong. Go ahead and fill that out. Get your good karma real quick, real easy on this intro. The live show is now available for you to buy and have and watch and download and hold for the rest of your life. Link in the description right now. Round of applause for that as well as the exclusive you should know tour T shirt. It is available online until Saturday. All right. It was only available for one week, so you still have a chance to go buy that. It was only sold at the live shows and a lot of people that were at the live shows weren't even able to get it because it sold out in the first 30 minutes of every show we went to. So go get that right now while it is still available. There's no time limit on buying the live show. You can get that for the rest of time. So go ahead, get your together. Sorry, mute that. Get your stuff together and go ahead and get the live show. We love you and enjoy the rest of the episode. This episode is brought to you by our friends at Manscape and today I'm thrilled to unveil the latest masterpiece from manscaped, the Lawnmower 5.0 Ultra in forged gold. Welcome to the golden era of grooming, where precision, luxury and performance meet in a world where grooming tools come and go. Manscaped is setting the gold standard with this special edition trimmer. If you want to make your grooming Routine. A statement of sophistication and style. This is the tool you need. Just a quick psa. Though. There are limited quantities available in this colorway, so you gotta act fast if you want this.

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Get 20% off plus free shipping with code psh manscape.com. that's 20% off plus free shipping with the code psh manscape.com. now on to the rest of the episode, the you should know podcast. We got co host Cam back in the studio.

[A]

Hey. Hey, bub. Oh, my God. What the.

[B]

He heard it. My back just snapped, bro.

[A]

What? Weak ass hug. His whole spine went. I was like. Oh, my God.

[B]

How was your week, bubba?

[A]

It's been a long week of moving. You have? Oh, my God. No. No. Absolutely not. That's where I'm starting. That's exactly where I'm starting. You're a sabotage. You absolutely sabotaged me this week. You're moving 1,000%.

[B]

I mounted a whole TV for you.

[A]

Yeah, cool. A hell of a lot of smudges on it, too. He had to Windex the piss out of that screen. But anyway. You sabotage me.

[B]

How?

[A]

You know exactly how. He knows exactly.

[B]

You're not talking about the goddamn groceries Peyton.

[A]

Okay, let's. Let's break it down for them. Let's see who's in the wrong.

[B]

Okay. Bring it down. Break it down. Because you needed me and you're not. Okay?

[A]

And you said yes, and then you failed.

[B]

Okay, go ahead.

[A]

So. What does that mean?

[B]

Okay, Go ahead. Okay. Go ahead.

[A]

So.

[B]

Oh, my God. Go ahead. Oh, my God. Go ahead.

[A]

I move into my new house on Monday. My fridge doesn't come until Tuesday. Stand up, you crooked man. I move in on Monday, fridge doesn't come until Tuesday.

[B]

That's your fault.

[A]

But how is that my fault?

[B]

Cause you. Okay, you don't wanna.

[A]

I didn't know when I was gonna be locally available at my house, so I had to put the Tuesday for.

[B]

Who's that? Who's all the sad. Who else has fridges?

[A]

Okay, I asked you and you said yes. I didn't just throw it on you.

[B]

My fault. Keep going. Hey, Pardon self.

[A]

Yeah, Pardon.

[B]

Pardon self. Pardon self. Pardon.

[A]

Pardon me. I Just pop out the flow. So Monday I move out. I know how long I have a fridge, but I still have groceries. I create a U haul box right of my cold things.

[B]

First of all, you asked me to use one of my boxes. No, you're not ready.

[A]

Shut up, dude. Shut up.

[B]

That's all.

[A]

You want to go first or do you want.

[B]

Okay, well, you could go first, but don't tell lies.

[A]

Hey, hey, buddy.

[B]

Be resourceful.

[A]

I'm gonna speak, you lazy. There's gonna half a second of nothing and then that's when you know you can go.

[B]

Okay, go ahead, Mozart.

[A]

Okay. I don't know.

[B]

Long and boring. Like my sex long. It takes me forever to get to the finish line and it is boring. We're in one position.

[A]

Some of us don't have that luxury, bro. Anyway, I leave Monday. I don't have a fridge till Tuesday. I have groceries. Here we go. I say, hey, Pete. So look, my fridge doesn't come until tomorrow. Can I pack my cold things up, you come and grab it? Cause you're already coming over here. And when you go, because you needed me, a son of a bitch. Oh, my God. He's gonna come over here. Because I do need him. But that's the thing. That's the beauty of a question I asked you. And you said yes, so I passed.

[B]

Who else was there? Oh, Mike and Lisa.

[A]

Peyton.

[B]

Go ahead. Sorry, sorry.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

But you're just being stupid and you've taken a long time.

[A]

I'm taking all the time because you keep interrupting me. I pack my groceries. Sauces, salmon, some chicken breasts, some chocolate syrup. All of it cold stuff. He takes the box of colds, takes it home, puts it in his fridge. Exactly what he signed up for. Thank you, bubba. You're a great man. Tuesday comes, he comes out to the new house, he gets the box out of his fridge. He's ready to take it. Mine slips. Forgets it. $90 of groceries, gone.

[B]

First of all, there's so many things wrong with it. It's not $90 worth of shit in there.

[A]

How much is salmon?

[B]

You had store brand salmon.

[A]

Store brand, my asshole. It doesn't salmon, Cam. It's an expensive meat. I had a pound of chicken. I had three filets of salmon.

[B]

Okay, we'll wait till we get into the intricacies of your nasty ass concoctions of food you add. First of all, Cam asked me to drive 45 minutes out to his house.

[A]

Holy shit. Oh, no. Oh, oh. So it's the world's ending when I interrupt You. But you did it four times to me. 45 minutes.

[B]

45 minutes.

[A]

It's a 26 minute, you said.

[B]

You said, dada, I don't know how to function without you. Baby needs milkies is what you said. And I said, oh, yeah, baby. Get on the latch on. I'll give you what you need. And you said, first of all, when he asked me, I'm looking at fourth camera now because your face disgusts me. I'm looking at y'all two beautiful white women. When Cam said, hey, I need these groceries to be refrigerated. How many people down the line that he was already with could have taken it to his house? His mom and his pap.

[A]

You could have.

[B]

They're already there. He just wanted Daddy's milk. He wanted Daddy to give him something. And then the first thing he asked is ap, do you have a box that I could put this stuff in? You're moving, dog. You got boxes everywhere.

[A]

Okay. The. The beauty of this is your naming shit. That is. It all goes out the window. As soon as you said yes, it goes out the window, because that's the.

[B]

Kind of guy I am.

[A]

Could I have asked someone else? Through Christ, brother, could I have asked someone else?

[B]

Yes. Yes. Okay.

[A]

But I didn't. I asked you. You said yes. I asked you for a box, but then I realized I had my own, so then I boxed it up. And what was the thing? Oh, you said you did.

[B]

That's like asking me to drive your Kia K5 to a NASCAR race and then mad if I wreck it. You should have just done it yourself or taken it out of the race.

[A]

I didn't have a fridge.

[B]

Your mommy and daddy, dude, that were already with you. Okay, I'm not done. Let me slow down.

[A]

They weren't supposed to come on Tuesday, and I knew you would, so I asked.

[B]

I wasn't going to. I wasn't going to. You actually said, I don't want you to come to my house until it's fully done and decorated. Did he not say that? Cj, cj. Cj. Did he not? Okay, thank you. And then. Okay, so let me break this down. First of all, he's asking me to package his groceries, right? We're putting the groceries in the box. You shut your colonizing ass up.

[A]

I'm gonna give you the respect and I'm gonna. I'm gonna bury you when I get to speak.

[B]

Okay? All right. He asked me to put these. Oh, my God. To put these weird ass ingredients into this box, right? He's like, we need these. This is the good stuff that I want to bring over to the house. I already threw away half the stuff that's in the fridge. I said okay. So I'm thinking it's gonna be meats. Like the salmon that was okay to put in there. The chicken that was okay to put in there. This mother. He gave me a whipped cream that had this much left in it, bro. I tried to score some out because I like to do that. I like to.

[A]

Out of a bitch.

[B]

I put the nozzle in my mouth. I did. I put it in my mouth.

[A]

You never told me you were used. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You didn't sabotage me. You scammed me. You got a bo. You got an eighty dollar box of groceries. You just had a Kroger pickup straight to your car. You scammed me.

[B]

No. Okay. And I put in there. And it was doing one of those little drips.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Yeah, it was doing one of those, like, little half drips in my mouth. I was like, why does he even have this? And then he had Taco Bell sauce that had crust on the outside because it hasn't been used in forever. And there was this much left.

[A]

Holy shit, dude.

[B]

And then you had icicle pops. Okay, cool. You can refreeze those. And then you had Hershey Kisses. Caramel drizzle, you fat, big back bitch. Okay, you don't need that.

[A]

No, you're done. Okay. The whipped cream, that's for my dog. Ever heard of a pup cup? She likes dessert, too. The caramel syrup, that's for my wife's coffee. She likes it. Asshole.

[B]

What's the last time your wife drank coffee?

[A]

Holy shit. She had one this morning. Holy shit.

[B]

For Instagram.

[A]

And the popsicles. And she's pregnant. She. All I was doing.

[B]

Pregnant.

[A]

Holy shit. You asked for my groceries so you can eat them. It makes sense. It makes sense.

[B]

I didn't want that. Nasty ass.

[A]

Oh, my God. It all goes out the window when you said yes.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

You accepted responsibility and you failed at your job. That's it. If you brought the groceries and they fell out of your car in transit, I'm not that mad. That's a freak accident. You said yes. You were supposed to bring them. Even laid them out, and then you didn't and they were all wasted and done.

[B]

Okay? And then you set the whipped cream.

[A]

You stole right from under me.

[B]

And then half the drinks in there were already mine. That I gifted to you. Let's put that out. The alcohol in there, that was mine. That you stole from me. Just like you stole the Aulani news for me whenever we got a brand deal with them. And I didn't get to eat any, drink any of them.

[A]

Holy shit. The alcohol that was in there was yours. The three white claws that were in there were yours.

[B]

Prove me wrong.

[A]

Holy shit. You prove yourself. Right, Because I can say exactly where those came from.

[B]

Who drinks the most alcohol in the friend group?

[A]

That.

[B]

That's you. Okay?

[A]

That's you. And we're gonna talk about it.

[B]

Who supplies the most alcohol in the friend.

[A]

Holy shit.

[B]

Who supplies. Holy shit.

[A]

When's last time you bought white clothes? Holy shit. Oh, my God.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

It's your. It's your time to be honest. Oh, my God. You can save yourself.

[B]

That was the last time because you stole from me. And I was like, I'm never doing this again.

[A]

Okay, so God's honest truth. The Lord and savior that blesses us both every day.

[B]

God, thank you.

[A]

Those were bought from Ryan David Clifton. Bullshit on everything.

[B]

Where is he? Where is he?

[A]

On my life, your life, everyone's life.

[B]

That's. That's K. Rob. That's cj.

[A]

That's awfully convenient.

[B]

This is a hectic way to start the episode.

[A]

That is awfully convenient.

[B]

I'm just saying. And then. And then you started adding on more responsibilities to me. Whenever it was time to return the groceries, you called me and said, hey, can you do this? I need this. I need this. I need, I need, I want, I need, I need. Can you please, daddy? I need you. And then I was like, okay, okay, I got you. I got you. But I can't think all this. And so I was grabbing the groceries out of the fridge. I. I didn't even put the box in the fridge. I assorted them in my fridge for you. And you had garlic, brother.

[A]

Yes. Who wants to re buy condiments? We had minced garlic. Good to use.

[B]

Garlic's a condiment.

[A]

No, I'm saying all the rest of them are condiments. But minced garlic, it's good to use. Why should I rebuy them? The ketchups, the barbecues, the Taco Bell sauce. When the crusties means that you pour it out of the bottle and there's a little left on when you put it back in the fridge.

[B]

We're gonna get off this. We're gonna get off this because we gotta start the episode. But yes or no, were you at right down the road from my house that same day going to that furniture store?

[A]

No, that was literally the next day. You bastard. You bastard. And you said I had asked you is help me this, this, that third, it was hold the groceries. Deliver the groceries. You hold them in your fridge, bring in the next day. Two steps.

[B]

Okay. Don't ask me to do shit no more. I won't do nothing for you.

[A]

I didn't even say that. But you're trying to flip it on me.

[B]

Sorry. I'm trying to be a good friend. I've never asked you of anything. Whenever I'm moving, When I'm moving. When I'm moving, do I? I never asked you to do anything for me when I moved, did I? Did I hired movers? I use my hard earned money and not my friends hard labor.

[A]

Who was there when the movers were there for you?

[B]

You were not. You wouldn't even give me the decency.

[A]

I'm about to vomit. I'm gonna throw up.

[B]

You wouldn't even give me the Disney City to drive all the way to my house. I had to meet you halfway at six in the morning. Remember that? Do we not meet at a dick sporting goods, brother?

[A]

I'm about. I mean, I either got a punch your puke, there's no other in between. I met you at 6 o'clock in the morning to get a key for your new place in case your movers beat you there and then. I never even had to do it. But I never complained. Yes, you did. Holy shit.

[B]

You said, oh my God, look at the traffic. I have to go back in.

[A]

That was very freshly into my new car journey. And I thought I ruined my transmission because I put it in manual for you. I was stuck on the tollway going 17 miles an hour and I didn't know. I didn't know what was going on. And I called my father and woke him up.

[B]

So you're blaming your inadequacies in your brain about. About car knowledge.

[A]

Shut your damn mouth. I'm saying you said be here at six at a dick sporting good in Dallas, Texas. And I was there because, hey, have.

[B]

You heard of you owe me one after all the things I've done for you. Moving this, taking care of that rat ass dog you have. Getting fleas for her.

[A]

You love that rat. Don't you talk about that. Don't you talk about her. You love that rat.

[B]

I do. But I don't have to take care of her. And then you know what Cam said the other day? He said, ap the first like two months Malachi's around, I'm gonna need your help, brother. I said, need my help? And he goes, yeah, he's like, I need help with like diapers and like stuff like that. Can you come over and like, like middle of the night too? Because you know, lives just got off this nine month pregnancy. I'm a lazy sack of shit. So I'm not getting up. Will you be there? That's what he said to me. So who's the better friend?

[A]

That's what I said to you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who's the better friend? The guest room that I have labeled as yours, in this nightstand drawer there's condoms, honey packs, there's chewing bubble gum, and there's an iPhone char. So you tend a little bottle of tequila in the back corner. So you tell me who's the better friend, you slimy saliva mouth having bastard. Yeah, who's the better friend, you sick son of a bitch? Oh my God, I am hot. Oh my God. No. Okay, no bullshit. Can I tell you a story that happened? We were moving out. So we're moving out. You know my old apartment building. To go to the trash cans, you'd have to go down the elevator.

[B]

First of all, your old apartment building was a maze, bro.

[A]

No, it was bad. It literally was like a. Like if you were intoxicated and that was your first time there, you'd be terrified.

[B]

You know, I am a little sad that. Okay, I know you're gonna know your story. I am sad that you are moving out of there. Why? One, because you're closer. Yeah. Two, but that's because you had some Victoria's Secret models living in that building. I'm not gonna lie to you. I found a couple of them in there.

[A]

There was a. You can just act. You can just fake pretend that I still live there. And you'd be like, it's called stock. You go, yeah. You're like, who?

[B]

You hear from my friend Cameron. Yeah.

[A]

You go, I think he's in your room. I'm gonna check. There you go. Get out the way. Totally kidding. But so as we're packing shit up, naturally you're always gonna find stuff that you don't want anymore. You throw it away.

[B]

Yeah. God bless.

[A]

So Liv finds her backpack, all of her cosmetology school stuff. Remember that journey? She's in there for three weeks, couple thousand dollars. She said, I don't think I want it anymore. I said, anyway, here we go. Here we go. I went, anyway, she finds all of her cosmetology stuff. And in there, there's one of the fake heads that has like the good hair on it. Okay, careful.

[B]

What does that mean?

[A]

It's like it's like salon. Like, it's like a. Like a sewing. Like, it's almost. It's damn near real hair.

[B]

Okay, I just meant. I just didn't know what you meant by good hair. I didn't know what you meant by that. I'm just saying.

[A]

It's a 32. Top shelf bundle.

[B]

Brazil. No, I'm just kidding.

[A]

So I'm taking a trash trip. I have the big wagon, and then I'm also holding stuff.

[B]

What? You're so white.

[A]

A trash.

[B]

I was paying my trash trip.

[A]

I took the. So I get in the elevator. We're on the third floor. I hit one a million out of a million times. When you get to the first floor, no one's there. This one time, door opens. Woman right there. She's on her phone. Okay. She's probably a mom. She looks up, and she immediately goes, who are you? And I went, what the. I looked down, I'm holding the two things that were in my head were a blue hammer in that head, that cosmetology head. So I have the wagon behind me that has, like, trash bags. She goes, who are you? And I go, whoa, whoa, man. What are you talking about? I look down, I'm. I have a hammer and a skull in my hand. And she goes, oh. Oh, you. You really scared me there for a second. You need to. All right. And I go, oh. And I look down, and I'm like, ma'am, I'm. I'm going to the trash can. She goes, yeah, you better.

[B]

You better.

[A]

I said, who are you?

[B]

You. But I.

[A]

Me being me. I just walk off, and I'm sitting there just looking at it the whole time. But, dude, she, like, damn near jumped out of her own skin.

[B]

That's hilarious. But I always make myself. I. I think we talked about this on the podcast before. I always make myself known to not be a threat whenever a woman's around. You're like, I swear to God, I'll get on the whole other side of the hallway. Or if, like, we're both going downstairs, I'll wait until I hear that door open, then I'll continue to go, because I know. That's very thoughtful. Yeah. But since we're talking about stories about, like, our old places, this is in my new place. Right. And I can finally tell the story. I think the statue of limitations is off. I can talk about how I saw that woman tied up outside of. Oh, my house.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So if you remember, like, a couple months ago, it was a while ago, we made, like, these little, like, Inside jokes about it. So I was. I just moved into my house, right? And there's a house directly across. Our front doors are facing each other, right? Directly across. And I like this neighborhood. It's quiet. It's like older people. I'm the youngest one there, so, like, no BS is going around. I just came from living in the hood, and, like, I saw crazy stuff all the time.

[A]

They discriminated.

[B]

And I moved out there because, like, I was getting recognized in my apartment, and I didn't feel, like, safe, you know? So, I mean, so I was like, this is a safe place. I was like. I was sitting in my. On my couch one day, and I was watching Breaking Bad. I was like, everybody's talking about Breaking Bad. I've never seen an episode of it. It's one of those things I just never got around to.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I was turning on Breaking Bad. I was like, the first 20 minutes of this episode. And my. To my left is a. My. Like, a big glass door. And you can see everything. Yeah. So you can see everything when that's open. But I had my. My. My drapes over it, so it was blacked out. I couldn't see outside. I was watching breaking bad, first 20 minutes of it. And there's a scene, like, a little bit of commotion has happened in the show, right? And it was leading up to, like, this. A scene that, you know, some stuff's about to go down.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But they're in a car. It was two people in a car. And there's a quiet scene. And I just hear, like. And I was like. I was looking at the show.

[A]

Yo, they got someone in the trunk. What?

[B]

I said, I don't. I don't really get where the director's trying to take us with this one. Like, I'm not. I'm not understanding. And then I hear, help, Help. And I go, no, this isn't the show.

[A]

This can't be.

[B]

I pause it, and that's when I lived alone. And so my house was dead silent. I waited, like, 30 seconds, and then I hear. And I was like, nope, that's something outside. So I get scared. I grab my knife, right? I grab my knife out of my kitchen, and I. And I peek out of my blinds like this. I'm like this. And I'm looking outside. I swear to God, the house directly in front of me, the front door is wide open. There is a woman laid out in, like, the middle of my house and her house. She's tied up like this, bro. Her legs are tied, her face is tied, and her hands are, like, semi tight. Like, she can break free if she wanted to. But then I saw her phone next to her, and now. So my question was immediately, I'm like, okay, I've never seen this happen. I've never seen someone tied up in my life. But I know if you're trying to escape this house that you're tied up in, how do you have a phone here? How'd you get your phone right beside you? So I immediately go and call the PO Police because I'm the only one seeing this, and I ain't no snitch, but I didn't want her to. To be in dismay. And I didn't know if Jeffrey Dahmer, Aaron Hernandez was right there. So I said, hello? They're like, 911, what's your emergency?

[A]

And I said, hello. Hey.

[B]

Hey there. And, you know, I don't like that, like, have panic in my voice. And so I was like, hey, there's a woman tied up outside my house. And I shouldn't have said that. Yeah, Like, I shouldn't have said my first red flag.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Over there's the first question the operator asked. Like, is she with you? And I said, oh, oh, no. I don't know who this is. Like, my neighbor. And they're like, what do you mean she's tied up? Is she safe? And I go, well, I'd assume not. Like, I don't think people just do that for fun.

[A]

Hands and feet screaming.

[B]

And they're like, so is she. Is she look injured? And I said, hey, man, she's tied up. She's screaming, and it looks like she needs help pretty quick. And then my neighbors, like, across the street next to that house came out and started, like, checking on her and, like, untying her. And I said, okay. I gave the address, and I hung up because I was like, I don't want to do that. And they called me back and got a call from 91 1. That's scary. And they go, peyton. I go, okay.

[A]

How do you know my name is like, all right?

[B]

They say, whenever the police get there, would you. Is it okay if they come to your door and ask you for help? And I said, oh, no. I'm just kind of making, you know, some shit happening that shouldn't be happening.

[A]

Oh, I promise you, I can't do that. I will literally faint. I can't do that.

[B]

And so come to find out, I don't know, the full story is that couple across the street is known for that activity. So she's been known to like, make herself look like something has happened.

[A]

Damsel in distress.

[B]

Yes. Like she'll cause. Cause she is in a bad situation where her husband or boyfriend, whatever that is, has done bad things, but she just won't leave it. Which I don't blame her because it's. It's toxic and it's hard and you know, people go through their own things, but her way of trying to get out of it is making new scenarios to be like, hey, he did this. So immediately when the cops got there, I could hear them. I. I literally opened my balcony. I was sitting up like this. I was like, oh, cuz I can do that. It's not illegal to do that. And they were saying, like, they were like looking at each other, like doing all that, but. But then she got like, really smart and she remembered there's a ring camera on the front door. And apparently a couple weeks before that, he may have harmed her outside of the house, which, God forbid, I hate that if you. If you hurt women, you belong in hell. And then, so I remember they. As soon they. She showed it on the phone, it was this quick. She goes like that. They look at it, they go and then run up the stairs and they grab them out and they walk them out and they moved out. They don't live there anymore. And now a fan lives in that same house across, like, literally. He moved in. He saw me walk in the house. And he goes, Peyton. And I go.

[A]

You go, hey, Jan. Yeah, we need to break the lease. I gotta get out of here, dude.

[B]

My realtor, bro. Can I talk about that? I don't know if this is staying in.

[A]

Go for it.

[B]

The lady who gave me this house, I fell in love with her.

[A]

Oh. She was like an episode, muted, but.

[B]

I love you, dude. She's so pretty. And she was supposed to go on a date with me. I think she had a boyfriend the whole time. That's the story of my life, Right?

[A]

Why does everybody I love have a boyfriend? Oh, my God.

[B]

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[A]

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[A]

Did you ever struggle with women? Did you ever have a problem?

[B]

No. Yeah, whenever I was like, rat tail, like long hair. But okay. Strange struggle. No.

[A]

Okay, Let me tell you, pulled a different crowd.

[B]

No, no, I. I struggled. Okay? So like in my kindergarten years, that's when I was having, like, diddy parties in the playground. Well, no, no, wait. No, no. Okay, wait, no, I'm just saying we had freak offs in kindergarten. I can't say that.

[A]

You can say it, but it's sad because it's true.

[B]

Yeah, no, we're. I was making out two girls at one time.

[A]

I was having dunk contests on monkey.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. No, okay, so. But that was my. So I started off hot, right? Real hot.

[A]

Very hot.

[B]

And then puberty started coming around and I smelled like a Burger King kitchen. Right. My hair was long and there was. Okay, that's the thing about my long hair. I had long hair, but it had knots in it. I had to get them cut out. Like, I was dreading up.

[A]

You looked like you lived in Malibu. Like every day. You were on a beach surfing waves.

[B]

And I had gaps in all my teeth, but there was still plaque in between them. Like, that's. That is almost historic.

[A]

Oh, that's bad. No, that's. That's. That is like some industrial.

[B]

Like, if I went like that, I could feed a family of rats. You know what I mean? Like, they would eat for a week.

[A]

You just go. You lay on your bed and you go. They go. They clean you out. They run off.

[B]

Yeah. So during that time. But then I think. And I gotta have this conversation with my mom, right?

[A]

Okay.

[B]

She low key was a pimp named Slick Back for me. Like, I remember one time wearing Freddy's frozen custard. Right? And I was wearing. For some reason, I think this was a fashion statement I was trying to make.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

I was wearing like a sweater vest with a light blue collared shirt under it. In law, I swear to God. And I Don't remember why I was wearing Carlton. And then so. And so I remember we're in the line and in front of us there's a group of older girls, like middle schoolers. So I was still like elementary school, right? Or like sixth grade. They were probably like eighth, ninth grade. Older grade.

[A]

Your elementary.

[B]

No, that's middle school. That's it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And so I was in my nasty era, but I was wearing a sweater vest and I'm pretty sure I was wearing basketball shorts too. Like, I don't know what the was happening with my attire. My leg was nasty.

[A]

It looks like you got in the car naked and you drove through like a garage sale. Like, that was the best walk around.

[B]

I remember one of the girls turned around to me and my mom and she goes, oh, my God, your daughter is so pretty. And my mom was like, oh, no, sweetheart, this is my son. This is my boy. His name is Peyton.

[A]

And you were like, hey, you turn around, your teeth are gapped, your hair's added.

[B]

Yeah, matted.

[A]

I say not and matted. And they f. It's okay. Okay.

[B]

And then I guess my mom was trying to help a play out. She was trying to help a brother get some. And so she started, like, sweet talking these girls for me and like, saying my athletic achievements. And I remember one of the girls caressed my cheek and that set it off for me.

[A]

That's hot.

[B]

Yeah, but a little strange that mom was the wingman. I don't think mom was trying to get that to happen. She was trying to prove I was a boy.

[A]

No, no, he has it like, he's got one. I'm telling you, they're like, no, that girl. That girl's just going through a rough phase. You're like, no, he plays football, he skateboards. Like, you're just sitting there, you're just waiting, like, trying to have your case sold.

[B]

Yeah. So then I. She caressed my face and that set it off because I felt a feeling I've never felt before.

[A]

Wait, it was bad.

[B]

I was wearing basketball shorts. You know what I mean?

[A]

Did you pitch a tent?

[B]

Could have gone camping. Mr. Beast, 24 hour challenge video. You know what I mean? And so. And so after that, that's when I got into my. My bag of like, I'm gonna try with women. I like these.

[A]

So you were mackin. So the. Your origin story of when you started flirting. Mackin. Making the calls was in the sixth grade.

[B]

Well, technically kindergarten. Whenever I seven Diddy parties at the playground.

[A]

Oh, yeah, that's no baby oil. That's Remarkable. That is absolutely insane.

[B]

We talk about Diddy real quick.

[A]

Yeah, let's not.

[B]

He's going under the jail, first of all. Good. A thousand bottles of baby oil.

[A]

A thousand.

[B]

Let's. Okay, so for the people that don't know if you're living under rock did. He's going to jail. He's a freaky boy.

[A]

Yeah. Forever.

[B]

And he. They found when they raided his house, a thousand bottles of baby oil. Right.

[A]

That's like. That's like buying from Amazon and having it, like, the thing fulfilled every month for a decade. And you're buying a case. Looks like you are a freak.

[B]

Okay. And my thing is, it takes me four years to get through one bottle of baby oil.

[A]

I know. I swear to God. From when I met Olivia at Seminole all the way till last year, she had the same. Same bottle. It was like five years of baby oil.

[B]

It's like. It's like Vaseline. You never get a new Vaseline.

[A]

It's a once in a lifetime purchase. You purchase baby oil and Vaseline once in your life. Can it last you your entire life? You know, it is a one stop shop.

[B]

Is there anything in here, your house, that people would be like, okay, that's a little too much of that. Like you have something you have too much of.

[A]

I'd say either Yu Gi oh cards or wait, but that's from childhood.

[B]

You still got them.

[A]

100. I can't let him go.

[B]

Do you look at them? Do you ever ponder?

[A]

During COVID During COVID I took them out, spread them all out, and I reorganized them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I remember whenever I asked my fiance to help me with it, I felt this Stig. I felt like the smallest version of me I ever been. I said, you want to come duel? I'll teach you. No.

[B]

Okay. Cam tried to get us to do that in Austin during Dreamcon. We went to the mall.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And he bought a Yu Gi oh. Pack.

[A]

First off, don't you ever pack?

[B]

What the. What's it called?

[A]

I bought a deck. About two decks.

[B]

My fault.

[A]

I bought two decks. C.J. said, yeah, I'll try to learn. I tried to get him to learn. He was like. And when I did it, it was way too much to explain. And it was hard because when we.

[B]

Play, you were saying, Yu Gi oh. Like, look at their HP and their power. I don't know.

[A]

Defense.

[B]

Yeah. When I grew up, it was like, whose card looks the best? You know what I mean? That's how we played it. He said the word.

[A]

No, wait.

[B]

No, wait. No, wait.

[A]

No I did not. No, I did not.

[B]

He just said that. I heard you say it.

[A]

No, I did not. Film. No, I did not. Okay, well we have film on you. That's what we have.

[B]

Film.

[A]

I would say either Yu Gi oh cards or dog treats is something that I have a very large amount and I shouldn't.

[B]

You know what?

[A]

I have one dog. She weighs nine pounds and I have enough to feed a pack of like cane corsos.

[B]

You know what I don't have enough of?

[A]

What? Socks or food? Socks.

[B]

Dude. How many. How many days in a row have been wearing these socks?

[A]

I count three.

[B]

I think I'm about four. Four or five.

[A]

Okay, you gotta start doing your laundry. Let's just.

[B]

That is a fact.

[A]

You have to like, you either have to do laundry or you have to get a maid on a bi weekly service.

[B]

Is it me?

[A]

It's must.

[B]

Is it me or does laundry like washing clothes seem a little pender. Greedy to you?

[A]

I actually don't like how you said that.

[B]

What?

[A]

Say laundry again.

[B]

Laundry.

[A]

Okay, that's better. Was awfully just like airy. You're like laundry. Yeah, like there was no R. To is like lawn.

[B]

You love things with a hard R.

[A]

Laundry. There's an R there. You said laundry. But it does feel old. But you're not in a weaving basket with a washboard and you hang it on a clothespin.

[B]

I just genuinely don't. It makes me feel lesser than like I'm my ancestors. Look at me like you don't need to do that anymore. You know what I mean?

[A]

Absolutely not. Absolutely not. That's so far fetched. Just wash your clothes. You stink and you wear the same socks. You actually smell good.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I'll give you that. Your body smells good. Your clothes though, they carry a natural.

[B]

Yeah. That's a fact.

[A]

That's okay. Have you ever lied too much to where you have. You have to stick with it. Like you have to stick with it.

[B]

I used to be the best liar in the world.

[A]

That scares me deeply.

[B]

It would be like a. A like a, like a goal of mine to see how long I can stretch this live and weave this web.

[A]

Is it allowed? Are we allowed to call you a sociopath?

[B]

Is that what that is that?

[A]

You're getting awfully close.

[B]

I never touched anybody.

[A]

You get that's not what that means.

[B]

Oh, you have to hurt somebody to. Sociopath.

[A]

Sociopath to be like. They lie. They believe their own lies. No, they're go.

[B]

I didn't believe it. I knew I was lying, but I had Joy in that. Oh, that's not normal.

[A]

You're not. This is. You're digging, you're going.

[B]

You're.

[A]

You wanna. You want to kidnap someone. You want a Menendez brother. Now you believe you enjoyed life.

[B]

No, I did enjoy it. Pass.

[A]

What was your lie? Can you remember one?

[B]

Probably. I swear to God, I didn't text that girl.

[A]

Oh, oh, I'm talking about. Let's get deeper, bub. I'm talking about you had to lie and you had to hold on to it and almost to where it was the new truth because you were caught up. I'll tell you my story.

[B]

I was gonna say that I'm straight.

[A]

Oh. In fifth grade.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know if your school did this. Whenever you would wait for the teachers in the mornings, like when you get dropped off, all the classes would line up in the gym and they would just wait there. That's how our school did.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So you'd line up in your class and the teachers come in, get you, take you to class. So he lined up. I left my bag there, and I had to go use the bathroom, right? So I go use the bathroom. When I come back, my bag at like a volume 10 is playing obsessed by Mariah Carey. Why you so obsessed with me, boy? You wanna know lying that you sex in me when everybody knows? Okay, so. Okay, so full blast, full volumes, playing that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I walk back, the little girls in my class are laughing, pointing at it. Cameron's bags playing girly music. The cool kids in the back of class going, hey, you. So you're. You're a weirdo. You're listening to that. Okay.

[B]

Nate Diaz of your class.

[A]

So immediately. Immediately, the first thing I could think of, I have to lie. I can't go out like this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm in the sixth grade and I was thinking, to Mariah Carey by choice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Off my Nokia, I might add.

[B]

Wow. Okay.

[A]

On a Nokia.

[B]

How the hell did you get that on there?

[A]

It was a cool app, I guess. I don't know. Before apps, I don't know. Something just had a built in.

[B]

Joe broke a Nokia.

[A]

I plugged into my. Plugged in my mom desktop. I gave her a virus. It was Limewire. But I got. I got Mariah Carey.

[B]

So anyway, you wanted that shit.

[A]

I get up, everyone's laughing at my bag. And then I get close enough, I can hear it, and I go, oh, shit. I immediately go, wait, what are y'all laughing at? Try to be defensive at first. What are you laughing at? Huh? And they go, whose bag Is that. Whose bag is that? It's playing girl songs, music, whatever. And I go. I was like, my bag. And I grab it, right? And they go, why are you listening? That's so girly.

[B]

That's so strange.

[A]

You. I go, oh, no, no, that's my grandma's phone. They go, why the hell do you have your grandma's phone when you're about to go to English? And I'm like, it's touche. But I kept lying. And I go, oh, well, my grandma can't really see that good.

[B]

Here we go.

[A]

I think she put it and slipped it in my bag, and she thought it was her purse. They both have zippers, okay? So I say that I love you, Meemaw. And they go, oh, no, no, no. That's your phone. And they just make me. And I literally take it out. And I was so dead set on, like, not being caught with this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I said, I don't even care about this. I left it in the gym floor. And in my mind, that was. I was like, ditching the responsibility. I was like, bro, this clearly isn't mine. I don't care about it. And they were like, do you even love your grandma? Why would you throw your grandma's phone? And I was just, double under the jail, bro. And then the worst part about it, the line starts walking out, and I literally was like, grab that fucking. I grabbed that phone so quick, and I was like, turned it off. No music coming out. I swear. I walked in class, I was pissed off. All first, bro.

[B]

See, that's the difference between me and you. See, that's your canon event that we both have had.

[A]

Hundred percent.

[B]

But you went about it differently. I had that same thing, right. I had a binder, right? You remember binders? It was like the white binder, the three rings you open up and has folded on the inside, right?

[A]

Red one, there's leather.

[B]

Nice. Okay. All right, cool. All right, loser. So. But, you know, in the front part, it had that clear thing.

[A]

Clear thing.

[B]

And you could put different things in there. I would cut out High School Musical, like, pictures, and I put it. I love High School Musical. It's great to great cinema. And so I put that in there.

[A]

I had.

[B]

Vanessa had a lot of Zac Efron, like, and, like, a uncanny amount of shirtless Zach was in my binder right there for everybody to see. And I thought I was. This is swag. You know what I mean? That's hot. This is pop culture. And I remember I left it in the classroom kind of same thing. And then we all came back into the class, and then the teacher was like, yo, hey, girls, whose thing is that? And everybody was. All the girls were like, no, no, no. I was like, 10 toes down. Hey, that's my shit. I was like, that's me. I liked it. I told you. At recess, I would go and do High School musical choreography with all the girls, and I would teach them that they're doing the dance wrong because I spent the hours learning it. You know what I mean?

[A]

That's wicked. So you just straight up. You straight up embodied it, and you just.

[B]

Yeah, I. I wore my own merch to sixth grade. Every day of me with makeup on, dresses, a grandma. Grandma's cookies. It was my first YouTube video ever made. I know. Yeah. And I. I was in full makeup, in a way.

[A]

Showed me a bit of it.

[B]

I did.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Way back when you said, this is the first one I ever made. You're like, in the kitchen or something, right?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. And I had grandma's cookies. And I pressing because he wanted a cookie. That's how the video ended. It was 30 seconds.

[A]

I might have saw the whole thing start to finish. Okay.

[B]

But speaking of my grandma. Right.

[A]

Did you ever.

[B]

Go ahead. No, don't go.

[A]

Your grandma. Wait, the.

[B]

The one that's dead. Of cancer. So. Yeah, she died of cancer. Dead. Made me a pallbearer heavy. So I set the fact. She was. I was like, mema. I saw her on the way out. Somebody else is in here. Like, they. They got. They gave me the wrong one.

[A]

Yeah, they bury her with their favorite dumbbells. What the hell is this thing?

[B]

He goes.

[A]

This real cedar knocking on it.

[B]

And so I remember my grandma, she lived on land, right? And on her front porch, there's like this, like, just a regular, like, foldable, like, WWE chair. Like one of those. Right.

[A]

But.

[B]

But I'm about to go somewhere else. Where you don't think. No, I'm going. And I was really into, like, preserving artifacts. Like, I wanted to make money. Like, I've always been like, I want to, like, sell something and make money. And so I knew if an old person had something for a while, it's probably of value. She had this old foldable, like, chair at the front, and it was a regular Walmart, like, WWE chair. And I said, memo, how long have you had that? And she goes, like, two years. And I go, oh, my God. But my mind, her. Two years. Like, two years before she was born.

[A]

It's like 50.

[B]

Yeah. So we're. When dinosaurs were around at this point. So I was like, that's a valuable chair. And so I remember going to her kitchen and grabbing a trash bag and putting a trash bag over her chair. And I'll be like, don't touch it, anybody. We're gonna sell that when Meemaw's dead and we're gonna be rich.

[A]

And then you said this to the others.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And no one smacked you and.

[B]

No. But that's why my family is good. They let me go with my imagination.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

And. But I remember out, every time I would go back to Memo's house, the trash bag would be gone and I would throw up it. I'd say, yo, is no one trying to get paid out here? Like, I would get hot as hell.

[A]

You're like, what? Who's taking the bags off? You're scrubbing it out. You're sand in the chair.

[B]

No, I told it to sell. Like, it's just an aluminum chair.

[A]

That's awfully dumb. But you were a child. What age?

[B]

I don't remember. Like six, probably.

[A]

Oh, then you're good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that chairs were the million dollars to you.

[B]

At that point, I saw my cat Spot get hit by an 18 wheeler outside of Meemaw's house. You ever seen dynamite? That cat exploded.

[A]

Oh, my God. That's something I did not want to visualize you to.

[B]

Thought that a bit.

[A]

Exploding cat.

[B]

You thought made that cat the way it exploded. Sorry.

[A]

Like a swallowed up pack of black cats. Okay. You just. You spoke about grandparents in your mind to me. I choked my grandfather once. He was asleep in his recline. He got home from a long day at Lowe's and he was asleep. You know how old guys sleep. They go. He was asleep like that, mouth wide open. I just saw an episode of a show where someone poured a little liquid into the person's mouth. I wanted to replicate it, but I had the purest intentions. But the only thing that he had was that thick milk buttermilk. So I was like, my grandma looks a little dry up there.

[B]

He's dead asleep.

[A]

I said, let me get him. But he's a tall guy in his recliner. And I was young, so I went a little too high and I went. And then he literally was like. He shot up in the recliner and he was like, what the. Choked his ass. You know, I had the purest attention, though, because I was a kid. Like, that's what I reminded me of. I was just trying to. That's. That was about to sound wicked. But I was.

[B]

You're Trying to what?

[A]

Cause I was trying to lubricate his mouth because he was asleep and it was very dry mouth. I was trying to make it wet but with buttermilk. And I ended up pouring probably about a six ounce shot right down his gullet.

[B]

Waterboarding. Your grandpa is crazy.

[A]

I was gonna ask you, have you ever walked into a fight at school?

[B]

Walked? We had fight week at my school.

[A]

See, that's impressive.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Was there anybody recording it?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Could we find this documentary?

[B]

Well, we had a video on YouTube and. But the AP or I told this story 100 times. The AP came in and started beating up one of the students. And so the video got deleted. Assistant principal.

[A]

That's sick.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But did you ever personally like a non scripted. It's not fight week. No one's created basketball. You just walked into like a bathroom and two guys are going at it.

[B]

Oh, yeah, 100%. You know what I do? None of my business. Walk out.

[A]

That's probably the first time I've ever embodied that. And I think it's because I was absolutely scared. That's the first time I ever embodied your. My name's been it. I'm not in it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I walked in, two guys are swinging for the fence, and I said, I don't got a pee anymore.

[B]

I was like.

[A]

I was like, I'm fine. I'm completely fine now. Walked right back out. I started walking fast in my class. Like, maybe they saw me.

[B]

Knowing you, I'm surprised you didn't go, stop it.

[A]

Leave him. I'm like, jeremiah doesn't deserve that. Get off of him. No, I literally said, oh. I was like, I'm good. I dried up quick.

[B]

Okay. I was. You dried up? You were wet.

[A]

I pissed myself. I don't know. Don't remember.

[B]

I saw on the news this week, right? In Dallas, there's a lot of loose animals.

[A]

What?

[B]

There's a lot of loose animals. Like animals breaking free from zoos and stuff like that. And I've seen videos of like, bears just running around the street. Right.

[A]

Put in revelations. What do you mean there's loose bears? If I see a loose Kodiak, I got to. What, am I gonna let it destroy?

[B]

My hand has been all over my for you page, like recently on Tick Tock. Just animals being loose in neighborhoods. And then there's a guy down this. I didn't even tell this story. Holy shit. I forgot. When I lived in Houston, literally, I lived in an apartment, but there's houses by two houses down. A guy had a tiger in his House. I swear. In the middle of downtown Houston. He got arrested.

[A]

He should.

[B]

He was a part of exotic. Exotic. He's a part of exotic. It. He's a part of. He's a part of. Everybody slow down. He was a part of exotic animal trading.

[A]

What a business.

[B]

But my question to you is what animal? Like, would you hate to see Loose on the street in a fearful state or.

[A]

I just. I'm pissed off that it's out.

[B]

Either. Just like, holy shit. I don't want to see that animal on the street. Loose.

[A]

Oh. A holy shit moment for me would probably be a full grown male black panther.

[B]

That would be terrifying.

[A]

That would be absolutely scary.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

More of a pissed off thing. A little penguin. I'd be mad if I saw.

[B]

You would hate to see a penguin.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why.

[A]

What are you doing here? Why are you waddling around? Because he got loose far that way.

[B]

He got loose from the zoo. Exactly.

[A]

What is he supposed to just walk.

[B]

Down the sidewalk, take him to a freezer like a football, give him some.

[A]

Ice cubes, take him to a freezer, build a manu. I'd be pissed if I saw a ping. I don't know why, really, but it's like, no, you're not supposed to be here. Or flamingo. Any bird.

[B]

Ostrich would be mine. Oh, ostriches are the devil's creatures, you know.

[A]

My life goal is to purr, is to rent an ostrich to do a one hour ostrich rental.

[B]

I promise you I won't.

[A]

And have him chase you without you knowing it.

[B]

Can. I can. My heart would like.

[A]

I'm like, bro, come here. And I open the studio doors and he's at the bottom of the hallway.

[B]

He goes, brother, fast as shit. I get hawks and I would die.

[A]

Exactly. But what if he was trained? Then when he gets up to you, he just gives you a nibble.

[B]

I don't like nibbles.

[A]

But then as soon as he gets close enough, you go, get back. It's like. And it just dropped, dude.

[B]

Okay. An animal that people have fears of. That I don't understand. Is crocodiles genuinely dead ass crocodiles?

[A]

You're me, Yo.

[B]

Half our bags and shoes are crocodile. You know what I mean? Steve Irwin used to make crocodiles. His.

[A]

Steve Irwin is not of this world.

[B]

Exactly. Rip to a goat.

[A]

Exactly. Goat talk. For real.

[B]

What are. What is the fear of crocodiles? Because have you seen a crocodile on land? I don't know.

[A]

Impenetrable skin, 200 razor sharp teeth and it's gonna bite you. And roll like Donkey Kong in a barrel, but absolutely rip you.

[B]

I don't think they have impenetrable skin. Okay, how would you kill a crocodile then?

[A]

You tell me.

[B]

You stab it. Oh.

[A]

You stab it through its scales that are as hard as titanium its tummy. You think a crocodile is gonna roll over like a little dog and go.

[B]

You just said crocodiles get roll. Let that motherfucker roll on me.

[A]

When he rolls on you, it's because he has your rib cage in his spout. He's gonna go.

[B]

And then. No, Dad, I think. I think it is irrational to have a fear of crocodile.

[A]

Okay, you know what? I'm gonna play along. Tell me animals that you are afraid of.

[B]

Ostriches.

[A]

Crocodiles. So much more scary than not at all. An ostrich is a big ass cotton ball with skinny little twig feet. And it runs quick.

[B]

It runs 45 miles per hour and it's six, seven, cam. Imagine me running 45 miles per hour, cam.

[A]

You have a soft little belly or a big old bird.

[B]

And they bite and spit.

[A]

They bite with what? Their regular stupid little diamond shaped mouth? A crocodile. A crocodile is gonna open up like this. If you get in, you're done.

[B]

Yay. If you want to get away from a crocodile, guess what you can do. Take a step back.

[A]

There's crocodiles gallop. They literally gallop on land.

[B]

Are you dumb? Cam, Tell me crocodiles don't gallop. Did you not watch Animal Planning as a kid? Steve Irwin, they would literally slow as shit and they would be stuck with their mouth open.

[A]

That's because they're waiting for you to come in.

[B]

Exactly. You got. You got to go into that. If that's your fault for being too explorative to want to go inside of a dinos grill.

[A]

Okay, one on one, you're definitely beating an ostrich before you beat a crocodile. That is 100% fact.

[B]

Are you nuts, Peyton?

[A]

In your naked body and your bare hands you're gonna kill that ostrich before you can even think about.

[B]

First of all, they can float a little bit. Ostriches, they can float a little bit. And you say if I was six me with feathers, dog. And say my neck was a foot longer and I floated on your bitch ass. You're panicking, dog. And then you try to run away.

[A]

Why are we in water?

[B]

I didn't say water.

[A]

You just said I'm floating.

[B]

They float. I said float. Like in the air.

[A]

That's impressive.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

So it's like a stealth team mission.

[B]

Exactly. They can stand and float on your David Blaine. Six, seven with feathers. Are you kidding me?

[A]

You're definitely, you're definitely, definitely, definitely beating the ostrich before you beat a crocodile. How would you even go about bare hand beating a crocodile?

[B]

Get on its back.

[A]

Get on its back, Kim.

[B]

They don't have good lateral movement.

[A]

What would you do? Sit there and tell the story?

[B]

Eyeballs. Eyeballs. Eyeballs.

[A]

You know, the same thing as a shark. You can beat a shark now?

[B]

No, no, I can't swim.

[A]

More afraid of an ostrich than a shark.

[B]

Well, I don't go in water, so I'm not really fearful of sharks. I don't go that deep.

[A]

What would you have a better chance beating shark or nostril ostrich?

[B]

Because I would die before the shark got to me. Cam. I can't swim, brother. I'm drowning before the shark gets to me.

[A]

You need to be studying your fears are so.

[B]

I'm just saying crocodiles are not that. Not that scary.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I'm scared of a lot of shit. I'm scared of basic conversation. No.

[A]

Okay, first off. What?

[B]

I'm scared of basic conversation, but I don't think that.

[A]

How's your day going?

[B]

Fine.

[A]

What are you up to today?

[B]

Huh?

[A]

What are you up to? You go. No, stop, please. Oh, my God. I want to do something. I want to do that so bad.

[B]

What?

[A]

Second, channel some. We have to do that. We have to do like an impractical joker setup and put you in awkward situations.

[B]

Oh, the videos. We're not gonna. We're not gonna get into.

[A]

Yeah, we're not gonna get it. But. Oh, my God. We have to question for you.

[B]

Good morning to you.

[A]

I already know the answer, but more this. I want to tell a story. You've had a time where you were broke, right?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. I'm sitting with my wife the other day, for whatever reason, she starts going through a Snapchat memory, okay? We get about three, four, five years deep. It's her birthday one year. She pulls out. If I had this video, I would. I'd plug it in, I'd show y'all. She pulls out the birthday video, okay? Of me surprising her before I went to basketball practices and college.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

I bought my girlfriend of three years. I bought her for her birthday, right? A pack of Lipton teas. A pack of Lipton teas. A four pack of body armor. Lights, sugar free body armors. I bought her two bags of twin snakes. And you're not ready for the best gift of it all.

[B]

What?

[A]

I Bought her a goddamn bic lighter.

[B]

For what?

[A]

A bic lighter with an extendo barrel so she can get the candles without burning her finger. First of all, I bought my girlfriend a max of $18 from aisle seven for her birthday.

[B]

Okay, but first of all, why'd you get her so much liquid?

[A]

She liked her drinks.

[B]

She was partial.

[A]

She liked her drinks. A six pack of Lipton herbal green teas, a four pack of body armor lights, sugar free, a bic lighter with an extendo spout, and two bags of twin snakes. Is she getting high or is she celebrating birth?

[B]

What?

[A]

Like, I was so. And then the worst part of the video, she pans up, and there's a cute little stupid card I bought, probably Dollar Tree. She pans up, she goes. It says, oh, I have the sweetest boyfriend in the world. And I go, happy birthday in the video. And you can literally hear her behind camera. She goes, thanks. She was, like, depressed. She goes, thanks. The next year, I shit, you know, I go, hell, no. There's no way.

[B]

No way.

[A]

That's what I got you, brother.

[B]

Could have got flowers.

[A]

No way. That's what I got you. So we go up a whole year in Snapchat Memories.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

January 8th. The next year, it's a little better to step up. But it was on the bed. It was just like. I got my idea for that year. I'm gonna get, like, 30 different gifts.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But of all different sizes and stuff. So I got her a. Like, a North Face backpack and had a pair of shoes in it. The rest was kind of trinkets. Okay.

[B]

A stimulus check. It.

[A]

So stimulus check. Did hello Kobe. Anyway, so backpack, shoes, main focal point. Everything else, little things. I start looking into the video. These are all things that I'm re. Gifting to her. I didn't even buy them. One was a tumbler that her sister made for her. I put it on the bed. One was a picture frame that she bought for me. I put it on the bed, and I was so.

[B]

I was.

[A]

Was I like that self conscious about my gift giving back? Then another one. Another one was a snack pack of, like, these snacks that our neighbors bought us. And I took it out of the pantry and put it on the bed for her birthday.

[B]

Was this a part of the gift or was this backpack the gift and you were decorating around the back?

[A]

I was, like, decorating around it, but I wanted to make it seem like I really went all out and, like.

[B]

I got a lot of things. She was like, this is my shit. Yeah.

[A]

She goes, I already had that. Another one was a tumbler that she bought herself, but I threw a sticker on it and made it brand new, and I put it on the bed.

[B]

It.

[A]

Dude, I say all that. Say, I've come a long way, man. Holy hell.

[B]

Okay, I'm still caught up on your. On your drinks. That's such so strange.

[A]

Did you get her a bunch of liquid, like tea? I don't know if she was going through a time in her life.

[B]

We were head. No, we were having this conversation about drinks earlier. It is so hard to describe the taste of soda.

[A]

Oh, my.

[B]

Like, we were talking about Sprite, right? I didn't know Sprite had a specific flavor.

[A]

Lemon lime.

[B]

Okay, I didn't know that. Right. And everybody was looking at me like, are you dumb for not knowing that Sprite is lemon lime? Right. And then. But why are you making me feel dumb for that? Because I'm gonna ask you this. What flavor is Dr. Pepper?

[A]

There's 23 flavors. Starts with the bourbon, cherries. It rotates to the vanilla on the second swig.

[B]

No, I'm saying regular. I'm saying regular Dr. Pepper.

[A]

No, I don't. I don't know. I don't. I. But limit. Okay, but you were dumb for the Sprite because it literally says lemon lime soda.

[B]

Okay, now I get that. That was me not looking. But no one. I. I bet any amount of money to any person living, they can't describe the taste of soda or the flavor of soda.

[A]

Dark colas.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, you can't.

[B]

Coca Cola, Diet Coke. Can't describe the flavor.

[A]

Sometimes metal.

[B]

Excuse me?

[A]

I get a little bit of metal when I drink DC Just a tad bit. Like, a little. Like.

[B]

That's the can. That's the can. You pour it in a cup, you'll be fine. Okay, but like. But like, Fanta. You can. Obviously, it's an orange. You know what I mean? But any dark flavor. Like, what is the flavor of dark flavored.

[A]

You had to guess. What is it?

[B]

I would say syrup.

[A]

I would. Yeah, but that.

[B]

No, like maple.

[A]

Maple.

[B]

You know, like, same flavor you're getting from maple syrup. I don't.

[A]

I don't think of. I don't think of pancakes when I'm drinking a Dr. Pepper.

[B]

Pancakes aren't syrup. Pancakes are bread.

[A]

You put syrup on pancakes, it's not a prerequisite.

[B]

You can't say. You think of pan. You can't say, oh, that. You can't drink syrup and say, oh, that tastes like pancakes.

[A]

Name one time in your life you've made A spoonful of syrup to put the medicine go down. You've never. You're not. You're not. What's her name? You're not. What's her name?

[B]

I didn't get that reference.

[A]

What's her name? The Awfully White movie. And she does A spoonful of sugar Helps the medicine. Mary Poppins. Mary Poppin. You're not Mary Poppins. You don't drink syrup by itself. The only time you've used it is on breadcrumbs. Breakfast thing. Tell me. Look me in my soul. Look me in my soul and tell me you've had syrup by itself.

[B]

Did I ever say that? No. I said it doesn't taste like pancake. You can't say you taste syrup and be like, oh, that tastes like pancakes. I said you can't say that.

[A]

But I'm saying, what. Name something else.

[B]

You put syrup on bacon.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Bacon.

[A]

But it had.

[B]

Is that pancakes?

[A]

No, but you said there. It's not a prerequisite.

[B]

It's not.

[A]

Syrup has to be on something. You've never took a spoonful of syrup.

[B]

I said it's not a prerequisite for pancakes.

[A]

I thought. You talking about the syrup.

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay, well, then I apologize.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

But no.

[B]

I was saying if you were to describe the taste of Coke. Right. Just a regular Coke. It's like a. Like a loosened syrup. Like, it's like somebody took a syrup and put it in a whisk and went like that.

[A]

Do you. Okay. They know. Do you ever get a little bit of pepper from your Cokes? Like a tad bit?

[B]

No.

[A]

See, sometimes a little spice.

[B]

The spice.

[A]

How you talk about me.

[B]

Yeah. The spices.

[A]

I get that pepper, though. I agree. What is. What the hell? Okay. And you're gonna piss me off. And you know, I have crippling ADHD. What is the flavor of soda? Of dark sodas, Dr. Pepper's colas?

[B]

I think I just asked.

[A]

No, you did, but I'm saying we have to get to the bottom of.

[B]

We're not gonna figure it out here.

[A]

No, I know, but we have someone. Someone let us know in the comments. Let us know what the hell the actual taste is, because I have no clue. But Sprite is 100% lemon lime. But when you think about it, it doesn't even taste like lemon Light.

[B]

That's what I'm saying. So that's why I was confused. But the only reason y'all know it is because it's on the can.

[A]

Yeah, that's. So that's. They're giving us poison let's just say that. Yeah, they're giving us poison.

[B]

You know what? I don't like that you do on planes. And I never brought it up to you. And holy shit, I'm glad you brought that up. Why the hell on planes do you order gingerbread?

[A]

Because it's fantastic.

[B]

If you drink ginger ale without being sick, you're. You're. If you drink ginger, you gotta be senior citizen or deathly ill.

[A]

When's the last time you had a ga?

[B]

Whenever I had a tummy ache.

[A]

See, that's what's wrong with you. You only use it for its beneficiaries. You only use it to get something out of it. If you drink a ginger ale on a sober, just easy going day, it is gas.

[B]

Dudes. Drinking ginger ale makes me feel like I'm back in Jim Crow. Like I just. It doesn't feel like of this time. Like I shouldn't be drinking this. You know what I mean? Like. Like Cam has to use that different bathroom. Like I can't go in there with him and I.

[A]

That makes no sense at all. But I kind of feel. It feels like an aged drink. It feels like I'm drinking something that's not like our grandparents.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Founded ginger ale. But, bro, it's. It's.

[B]

There shouldn't be VR and ginger ale in the same timeline. Like, that's not right. You know what I mean? It's just not right.

[A]

Someone switched the timelines, bro. I'm telling you. Drink it on a. On an easy stuff. First off, it might be the goat of sodas because it's fantastic by itself.

[B]

Not.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Ginger is the best soda ever. Not stand on it.

[A]

I'm not standing on it. Not the greatest of all time, but I'm saying Dr. Pepper. You don't get that? My tummy hurts. I need a Dr. Pepper.

[B]

Dr. Peppers for kids. Dr. Pepper is a kid soda. It's too sweet. It's too sweet. It's too sweet. Either you either have to be deep south, like deep deep south like sundown, or you got to be prepubescent. Dr. Pepper's too much. I love you, Dr. Pepper too much. So I can't just enjoy that with a chicken nugget. What? Your teeth don't sound like spongebob shoes after.

[A]

I don't. Yeah, okay. Coke, bro. Diet Cokes. This like.

[B]

Oh, God, no. Diet Coke is a gentleman's drink. That is a gentleman's drink. Don't you do that.

[A]

Okay, I'm gonna name sodas and you tell me which is better. Diet Coke or plank. Whatever name.

[B]

Diet.

[A]

Diet Coke or dark pepper?

[B]

Diet Coke.

[A]

Diet Coke. Ginger.

[B]

Are you stupid? Don't even piss me off. Sorry.

[A]

Diet Coke or Sprite?

[B]

Diet Coke.

[A]

Diet Coke or Coke zero Dico.

[B]

You got to be on like Coke.

[A]

Zero is fantastic codes. Coke zero is God's nectar.

[B]

You got to be diabetic. Like it. You got to be diabetic.

[A]

You.

[B]

I don't know if I can say that.

[A]

I'm not gonna.

[B]

I'm not.

[A]

I'm not let. I'm not letting you do this.

[B]

It's not a healthy drink.

[A]

No, no. You neither's diet.

[B]

Diet Coke is the most healthy drink. It's why everybody has it for such a creative.

[A]

For such an out of the box thinker. You think there's no sugar in Diet Coke? You think there's actually no sugar? Or is there no sugar that they're. That they're relaying to the fda? There's no sugar that is being set on the can.

[B]

I think there's methamphetamines in Diet Coke. I'm not worried about the sugar. The way I'm addicted.

[A]

You're drinking meth. How is it that you think there's methamphetamines? But it's the healthiest drink. Ginger ale does. Is make you feel good. 36,000ft the sky and fix a tummy ache.

[B]

But what does that taste on your tongue?

[A]

It tastes good.

[B]

You drink water. Then what is the taste of ginger ale?

[A]

Ginger is like a. It's like an English pub. It's like a. It's like an old English pub with a hint of cider. Like a little apple. It's. It's good. It's like a. It's. It's good gingery.

[B]

That's why you like it. It's your lineage. Lineage.

[A]

Okay. No. You pissed me off. Dyke. Something. Okay, no. Something you actually do that pisses me off. This could almost be like. Like a pet peeve. The other day I went in your bathroom. Wasn't supposed to, but I did it anyway. Okay. I went in your house. I went to the third floor. I went straight to the bathroom because I was looking in your closet. Okay. You came in afterwards. But something that absolutely. It literally made the middle of my back stand up and itch. Your shower. Your shower is the. It is the actual definition of hell for me.

[B]

How. What's wrong with my shower?

[A]

One of my biggest pet peeves. And I don't know if it's my crippling adhd. I don't know what it is when bottles are empty and they can literally fall over nonstop like shampoo bottles, conditioner, they're just empty. There's no integrity. There's no backbone. That pisses me off. And you, my friend, a solo man in this shower.

[B]

I don't know who I have in my pockets.

[A]

7. I'm gonna say that one more time. 7. Empty on its back, bottles of Method men body wash. 7. Holy shit. I know you own a trash can. Throw them away. Holy shit. I'm so sorry to air your business out, but it.

[B]

You play that game made me itch.

[A]

Go for it. Go for it.

[B]

Well, let me explain myself, first of all.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't. I run through body wash in the shower ungodly fast. That's my question. What is the appropriate amount of body wash to put on your. On your hand?

[A]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You're putting it on your what? You're putting it on your what?

[B]

On your loofah.

[A]

You put. You do a loofah. You don't use a loophole.

[B]

Use my hand.

[A]

You use your bare hand. Okay, so what am I supposed to use? Operation why is he stinky? Found the cause.

[B]

I get in.

[A]

You're not getting. With what. You're scratching yourself to death.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's not good for your skin irritation or your overall height.

[B]

So what I do is I pour, like, it. It takes up my. I don't want to see my hand without having a jelly filling. So I have it fully on my hand and I slap. Yeah.

[A]

They said I get a full thing, and I just scorpion that thing.

[B]

No dead ass. Because it warps around. Like, sometimes if it's a really good one, I go for distance. I'm like, oh, it's on my lower back today. Like, it's like this. I go. And I don't want to see. Like, it's all, like, filled up. And I go, fuck. Is that not regular? What am I supposed to do? First things first.

[A]

Hey, Instead of pleasuring yourself and playing Dungeons and Dragons with your own genitalia, let's just try to clean it first. And the first thing to clean it is to use something that cleanses and cleans your skin. Okay.

[B]

I use an. I had an exfoliator hand thing.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I smelled that shit after three uses, I said. And, like, that can't be good. Better than my hand.

[A]

It's so much better than hand.

[B]

How? It smells like little rank ass.

[A]

Because your hand. No, your ass smells like rank ass. And you're probably going. And you get right in did you put your scrub right on your first use?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What do you know?

[B]

How am I supposed to wash my ass then?

[A]

You think your ass isn't gonna smell like. You complain about the smell. You went right downstairs straight to the gooch.

[B]

And so.

[A]

Supposed to use it again? No, but you wash it off. Wash it off? You wash it off.

[B]

How to wash it off? With what?

[A]

Sit back and relax.

[B]

Wait, can I explain how I was. I didn't finish how I. After my.

[A]

Go for it. Yeah. Honest to God. What?

[B]

Step two, fill up, slap it around. If it's a good one, I'll feel it on my lower back. And I'm like. And then. So I slap it on, right? And then sitting there, and I got a rush before it drips down my thighs. Yeah, sure. And so then I get my nails, and I just scratch in between my webbing, and I go like that.

[A]

I don't ever want to dab you up again. I don't ever want to dab you up again.

[B]

You're. That means you look at my fingernails. That's what's under there.

[A]

Oh, my God. Oh, never mind. It's about the same length. Your middle finger looked extremely long. I just spit. Sorry. I don't ever want to dap you up again because I. Okay, this might sound.

[B]

It's like an exfoliator scrub with my nails.

[A]

I've seen corners of your webbing. Yeah, and that's a dark.

[B]

It's, like, pink and discolored. It's pink Discovery. There's no pink.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

It's like if you cut open my leg and looked inside of it, like on the first layer. Skin. That's what it is.

[A]

That's called irritation.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

From your nails. You're chafing while you're soaking wet. Make it make sense. You. You need the baby oil. You do. You need baby oil, baby powder. Johnson, Johnson. You need it all.

[B]

I had athletes foot tall. It's 10. There'd be, like, little white dots right here on my foot all the time. It would feel so good to scratch. And I'd be like, mom, get my spot. And she'd scratch my spot.

[A]

You are. You are the absolute. You are the over the counter. I'm gonna wait till it's gone. Warrior.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You had athlete's foot for a decade.

[B]

On and off.

[A]

Oh, that makes it better.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

On and off. It comes seasonal.

[B]

I think I'm prone to, like, problems.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I starts with this dude. Like, it used to be a celebration when I'd go to my doctor like my dentist visits when I was forced to go. Like ever since I was a dog, I don't go when I was forced to go. As a kid. It would be like an achievement if I had under four cavities.

[A]

Okay. I had, I had jaws. Mouth to silver teeth out the ass.

[B]

No, it's after my silver teeth. Like, like literally I full adult teeth.

[A]

So you went through hell?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Got all capped up?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Pain and all.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then you said to hell with that guy. I'm doing it again.

[B]

It's not even that. I think I'm just prone. I think I've weak enamel.

[A]

Oh, that is, I think. Are you diabetic?

[B]

I don't know. I haven't gotten tested.

[A]

You pre diabetic?

[B]

I don't think so.

[A]

Does diabetes running the gene code?

[B]

I don't think so. I don't ask anybody their. Their medical history.

[A]

That is crazy.

[B]

You should know. Podcast this episode is brought to you by friends at Fume.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

That's a. That's a big part.

[B]

As memaw would say, who's dead? The commode.

[A]

My nemo said commode too.

[B]

That's an old white lady saying commode.

[A]

That's bad.

[B]

You know, Preston says, what about to go on the porcelain throne.

[A]

He goes, porcelain throne? To dethrone my coffee foundation. Okay, I'm kidding. I love you, Preston.

[B]

A lot of people have weird toilet things, right? What's your favorite part about the toilet?

[A]

When the poop leaves my ass. What are you talking about?

[B]

Guys, but like something more spontaneous and fun.

[A]

Like when I'm clogged and it really leaves quick. When I think it's gonna be a three minute poop and it goes. Falls right out.

[B]

No, but you don't like. Some people like getting fully naked. That's their favorite part. They get fully naked. They feel everything. The wind.

[A]

You're going to hell.

[B]

You get.

[A]

You get butt naked to take a.

[B]

Poop sometimes when it's too much, when you're having a hard time and then. Or some people like. Like watching Tick Tock on the toilets. That's some people's favorite part. Getting away from their families. They hide in the bathroom for a long time.

[A]

Oh, my God. Are you okay? You get butt naked, scroll through Tick Tocks to get away from your family. Jesus Christ guy.

[B]

No. Okay, but my favorite. My favorite part of the. Of the. Of my.

[A]

Oh, so those weren't.

[B]

No, no, those are mine. The hypotheticals.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Stories I've heard before. Yeah, you heard my favorite part about number two sitting on the toilet, right. Is Poseidon's kiss.

[A]

Excuse me. Your favorite part about sitting down to poop is when that log cabin drops in there and it goes. He goes. It gives you a little smooch on the Sphinx.

[B]

Dude, is this so refreshing? K. Rob knows what I'm talking about.

[A]

K. Rob looks like he was struck by lightning. He is. He is absolutely terrified.

[B]

No. Oh, my God. You're sitting down because. Because my body overheats when I'm struggling and pushing. Because I've never had a smooth transition. And if I do, I thank the Lord.

[A]

What are you pooping?

[B]

It literally feels like cactus sometimes. So. What? Oh, what? Have you seen my butt? It's tight. It's hard to get things in and out.

[A]

Stop, stop, stop. What do you mean in?

[B]

Kane Brown knows what I'm talking about.

[A]

In and out. What do you mean in?

[B]

Kane Brown knew what I was talking about.

[A]

Sure did talk about our suction cup.

[B]

But anyway, shout out to Kane and Nikki, how are you doing? But okay, when you're Sitting there, right? And you're really hot, and you're pushing for. Dear Heavenly Father, I've scratched the porcelain on my tub before. And you're biting on your shirt to the point where your gums bleed, right? And you're sweating, and you're saying please, please, please, over and over in your head. And then you get it out, and then just. Poseidon just gives you a smooch on your. Isn't that so refreshing?

[A]

I've never clenched my fist. A bowel movement. You animal.

[B]

Is that so not.

[A]

You didn't. Oh, so not. Never have I willeth.

[B]

That's so strange you just said.

[A]

When you're sitting there, you're getting ready, and you're bracing, and then you go and you scratch the shit. You bite your teeth. I have. You need. You need to get your stomach pumped. Let's just start with that, because something's not right.

[B]

I always think of Katora coming up and kissing my butt. Who from the avatar. The water bender. She's going. She's, like, making it. She's, like, relieving my butt with her hand. Not her physical hand, but she's controlling the water under my sphincter. Either giving me a kiss.

[A]

Either you are ill, like you have a true sickness, or your. Like, the needle of a pin. Like, it is either the smallest hole ever, or you literally have something going on.

[B]

You've had a blinking contest.

[A]

I've seen. I've blinked with the old Toothless down there.

[B]

Speak to him.

[A]

Toothless.

[B]

That's.

[A]

Mmm. Wow. That is. That is remarkable beyond measure. That needs to be studied.

[B]

It's relieving. It's like a cold pack when you have the flu. I have. I thought I had a bidet. So I have, like, this little tube next to my text to my toilet. It's like a little, like, wiry thing, and it has, like, a. You go, and you and I. So for, like, two months, I was using as a bidet until the point where I was starting to get marked up in my butt. Like, it was. It was so much psi going into me, and it almost came out of my mouth one time. How powerful. I was like. I was like SeaWorld attraction. I was like a dolphin.

[A]

You could swallow a sword. It'll go out the back end.

[B]

Exactly. But then. And then I was like, this can't be right. Like, I shouldn't be, like, feeling this way in my butthole. And I figured out it was just a water toilet scrap. And I was using that for the inside of me.

[A]

You know? You know that some bitch is shooting hard.

[B]

Oh, my God. It could. It could.

[A]

It's like the carnival game. He's trying to keep it on the bullseye.

[B]

Yeah, they use that.

[A]

Exactly what they said, your assholes. A carnival game. You have a carnival? Besides not kissing? Besides trying to win a plush toy. He's sitting there. He's got it locked down. He's like, we almost got him, boys. You're sitting there. Oh, you're jumping in chase.

[B]

Okay. And I had this debate. I had this debate with my mom, which is crazy. In Austin. I had this debate with my mom.

[A]

What are we doing?

[B]

She said, every time I've gone number two, I've gone number one every single time. And she goes, that's so weird.

[A]

No, that's very normal.

[B]

That's so normal.

[A]

That is about as normal as they can get.

[B]

No, but. But my dad said. Me. Me neither. Like, he said, sometimes. Yeah. Like, if I'm really just. If I'm going for glory, I'll do two in one. But normally, he's like, if I got a shit, I'm shin. If I got a piss, I'll piss.

[A]

He said, he doesn't control over your body.

[B]

Yeah, but, like, even if I don't have to pee, I'll get some drips. There will be some drip. I got to take it out of the water.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I'm like.

[A]

I'm like, you got a fireman?

[B]

I'm like, come on. It's.

[A]

Oh, I've been.

[B]

Yeah. And sometimes I accidentally flush. When I do that, it'll hit the little thing. You know, I've been.

[A]

I've been caught. I've been caught at a damn urinal with denim on, and I've been sitting there pissing, and then starts coming out and said, oh, I got.

[B]

Oh, wait a minute.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I've never began a piss and ended with a poop.

[A]

I think my. I think my pee and poop are in. Are in perfect unison. Synchronization.

[B]

Okay, so you've never done one without the other.

[A]

I literally just went just now, five minutes ago, to take a piss, realized that I felt some pebbles. I set my ass down.

[B]

That's so. But you also have, like, the bowel control of a toddler.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

You, like, Cam will go, oh, shit, I got a shit. Like, it came out of nowhere. Like, that's not normal. You should be feeling that concoction brewing.

[A]

No, I feel my poop. Yours is lined with silver on your inside of your stomach. So you never know. That's why you're Sitting there fighting, fighting for your life. It's like a cannonball coming. You shit skee balls. That's what you. Oh, my God. Another. You have a carnival ass. We have found it. Your ass is that of a carnival.

[B]

Fun to play with. And if you do it right, you get a prize. You've won a couple prizes. He. I. He's gone home with some stuffed animals. You know what I mean? Yeah, that's. That's came from my ass. Right there. Right there, Mr. Woody. No way. But. Oh, speaking of. Speaking of. Our stomach problems.

[A]

Don't say. Don't say our. I got a clean system over here firing on all engines, all cylinders.

[B]

You know, it's weird that you and your wife do, but we'll talk about this later. Y'all watch each other poop. Cam literally will go into the bathroom when Liz. Pooping, knowing she's pooping, and he'll go, oh, babe, you look so cute.

[A]

Oh, I've given my wife a forehead kiss while she's taking the.

[B]

That's so girl. Like, I understand. Y'all love each other and y'all say that's how comfortable we are, but that's. That's weird, dog. Like, that's not normal.

[A]

I'm not gonna lie. Never did it before her, ever.

[B]

Well, you didn't have the opportunity to.

[A]

That's also true. But I'm saying, even at the beginning stage, I was like, what are you doing? I'm. I was like, I'm vulnerable. I was like, you can see my inner thigh right now. Get out. But then she just made it such a norm. She was like, dude, I grew up. Me and my brother and my mom, we'd have to be getting ready for school. My mom be getting ready for work all in one bathroom. She's like, my mom will be in there, sudden up Gabe's butt naked, taking a. And I'm brushing my teeth, and I'm like, y'all are a circus. That sounds, like, disgusting. What?

[B]

I was gonna say, it sounds like Gypsy Rose's house. The.

[A]

Oof.

[B]

No. Okay. But that is that. You don't think that is strange?

[A]

No, it is. It is.

[B]

Like, that's not, like, almost to the point where, like, I'm nervous for when the kid comes around, you know? Like.

[A]

Like, he'll be in the bassinet, rocking. I'll be taking a shower, and Liv will be pooping.

[B]

Like, I don't want Malachi to be exposed to that.

[A]

He's gonna. You know. Whose mom is? Liv's. There's a lot of parts about live that are very clean. A lot that are strange.

[B]

Very strange.

[A]

I mean, you don't really realize it until you do.

[B]

Love live to death. Sometimes she has the. The shins of a middle school boy.

[A]

Oh, my God. Sometimes her lower extremities, her legs resemble a very young cub, like a bear. She looks grizzly as sometimes they'll FaceTime.

[B]

Me and they'll be like, there'll be A K. Will FaceTime me in the bed with living. Like, dude, it feels like I'm laying next to at 9. That sounds weird. Actually. I can't say that. No, no, no, no, no, no. You said it.

[A]

Oh, no, don't put the words in my mouth. You don't put the words. Don't put the words in my mouth. Never said it once. I'll swear on everything, but it doesn't sound good.

[B]

It doesn't sound good, but, you know.

[A]

It feels like I'm laying next to a like a small, like pre pubescent cousin of mine.

[B]

Yeah, like very.

[A]

Just prickly hairs starting to cut. Like we're watching a good film.

[B]

Well, you know, I mean, they can't clip this.

[A]

You know what we're saying, you creep?

[B]

Yeah, just like a. But speaking of stomach stuff, stuff on Patreon a couple weeks ago, me and Cam, Pierce and cj, we all did a period pain and birth pain simulator.

[A]

Boy.

[B]

And it was one of the best things we've ever filmed. And this is the kind of stuff you get to see on Patreon and you'll get to see on Patreon more. Because we're really about to revamp Patreon in 2025. And the stuff that y'all get on there is going to be insane. And a lot of y'all want more than one episode a week. You technically already get that now, but you might get early access and uncensored and ad free. Hello, hello, hello on patreon coming in 2025. So if this is a sneak peek of what you get on Patreon, you get the full thing right here. If you like this, go over to Patreon and enjoy. All right. We're gonna do a period pain simulator right now. And I'm very nervous. I actually, I'm not.

[A]

I'm like half and half. I'm being honest.

[B]

I just honestly just don't know what to expect.

[A]

Yeah, I have no clue. But I. It can't be too bad.

[B]

It can't be too bad.

[A]

It can't be like it's gonna suck a little bit, but not like.

[B]

Yeah, I don't think I. Yeah, I don't think I'll scream once. I think the most is I'll bite my teeth down. Oh, here we go. So, Cam, you put it on me.

[A]

Oh, I'm putting it on you. Yeah, that's kind of.

[B]

Golly. All right, I'm gonna take my shirt off. You're welcome. All right. Where are you putting these at?

[A]

Okay, no, I'm not living at your body. I'm saying you look like an uncle, cuz you're, like, shirtless, but you have slacks. You dicky pants with no shirt. Looks like you're about to watch the Green Bay Packers.

[B]

Oh, I'm actually getting nervous now.

[A]

I don't like bush light. Here we go. First one. What are you doing?

[B]

You're going down here now?

[A]

What are you doing?

[B]

You're not going down here.

[A]

I guess you Creole.

[B]

I thought it's, like, right there on the. You're just gonna be having. Oh, it's cool. Yeah.

[A]

It's cold. You spit on my arms. He's getting so nervous.

[B]

No. Here we go. Okay, okay, okay.

[A]

We're working. We're working.

[B]

This is way lower than I expected it was gonna go show.

[A]

You damn near showed me your douche and said put it on. Ah.

[B]

All right. Here we go.

[A]

Okay, so.

[B]

Okay, we have to.

[A]

Do. We have to do an honorary. A man's what? Word and honorary. Honorable. Honorary man's code. There's no cheating the other person.

[B]

Okay, I'm so. I'm actually so scared. Right.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Do you agree with me?

[A]

Yes. Will not cheat me. No, you're going.

[B]

Shit, I have to have a poop. You're going first. Okay. Started on one, and we'll work our way up.

[A]

Oh, my God. There's, like, different hands and emotions.

[B]

Okay, Cam.

[A]

Go, Cam.

[B]

Cam. I'm not gonna.

[A]

I'm not gonna do. I don't know what to.

[B]

Dude, level one. Oh, okay.

[A]

It's coming on level one.

[B]

I feel it. Only on this one, though. Only feel my lower left. Oh, do it again. Okay, now. Now I feel it everywhere. Okay, slow down, slow down.

[A]

It's. That's level one.

[B]

Okay, but you got to say, like, level one before you do it.

[A]

Okay, so this right here. Wait, that's a. That's a rubbing. Let's do that. Wait, let's do.

[B]

Feels kind of good.

[A]

Stu mode. We're gonna do that. All right. Here we go.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you feel it?

[B]

It's a pulse, though. I want to be, like, a bit of pulse. The first one. You had it. I was good.

[A]

It was.

[B]

Yes, but it just wasn't on all four. Now you have it on only this bottom left one. So many buttons.

[A]

Okay, here we go.

[B]

There he goes.

[A]

Okay, wait. So.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, that's level one. Okay. All right. It got hotter.

[A]

Okay, so it's getting stronger.

[B]

Camera legs, you gotta say what you're doing.

[A]

I'm telling you. So can you feel all four pets?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay, that is level one.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay, describe level one.

[B]

It's like a little tummy massage.

[A]

It's like a little tummy massage. Okay, you are now going to level two.

[B]

Okay. Okay. All right, hold on, hold on, hold on.

[A]

You're on level two.

[B]

Hold on. It's. I feel it in my pp, dog. Hold on. You're on level two. Okay. It's in my leg.

[A]

Do you want me to stop? Stop it.

[B]

Okay. Holy shit. That's two.

[A]

That's level two.

[B]

What's it go to?

[A]

Go to level 10.

[B]

No, go to three.

[A]

Go to three.

[B]

Yeah, we're gonna. All right.

[A]

Okay. Okay. What? Okay, tell me what. Okay, maybe a new setting. Maybe we try.

[B]

No, no, keep it where it's at. I like this.

[A]

Okay, but maybe. Maybe. Do you like it?

[B]

Are you visible where it's at you? It's fine.

[A]

Just keep sweating so much youh look like a naked baby.

[B]

Okay, that was level three. And my knees. I felt it in my knees, dog.

[A]

So we're gonna. We're gonna try to work up to four.

[B]

I think I'm ever erectile dysfunction after this.

[A]

We're gonna have to try to work up to four.

[B]

All right? Okay, here we go.

[A]

Ready?

[B]

Okay. Okay.

[A]

All right. That was level four.

[B]

Okay, but say love this little five, then do it.

[A]

Okay, so I said we're going. Still going. I said we're going. Okay, we're gonna get you back to 1. We're back to level 1. We're back to level one. Breathe. Relax. Stop sweating, you guys.

[B]

Can you say level five and then click the button because you're going. Ready?

[A]

I got you. I got you. Okay, so level four. We're at four. We're gonna try to get to five before tapping out. You're on level one right now. Relax. Okay. Give me the sign. Give me the go when you're okay to attempt level five.

[B]

Okay, I'm ready. But say this is level five and then do it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Are you ready for what?

[A]

I was gonna say it. Was gonna say it. Okay. Are you good? You're rested?

[B]

I'm as good as I can be. I'm nervous about the health of my legs after this.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Don't know if you should be feeling.

[B]

I don't know. It's like I'm locked in your quad. All right.

[A]

Here we go.

[B]

There's so much sweat coming. Oh, my God. It's like it's gonna wax me. That's not sweat. That's glue, brother. No.

[A]

You'Re gonna look like a hairless cat.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Meow. Okay, here we go. We are now going to level five. Are you ready?

[B]

No, but yes.

[A]

Here we go. Level five. Okay.

[B]

Okay, okay, okay, okay. Okay.

[A]

I'm taking off. I'm taking it off. I'm taking off. Bear with me. Bear with me. I'm taking off. Off. I took it off. Okay, it's okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's so many. Okay.

[B]

Okay. Dog. What the is that? There's no way I'll feel that.

[A]

No, that's cuz now I'm getting terrified. I should have went first.

[B]

Cam, dog. It feels like. It feels like, literally like someone's taking, like, those electric. I can't see. It's like someone's taking those electric sticks and being in me.

[A]

Whoa.

[B]

I feel like all in my webbing and behind my legs.

[A]

Yeah, I think you might be getting like. Like what's it called? Carpal tunnel, but in the legs.

[B]

Leg.

[A]

Okay, level six. Do you want to attempt level six?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

This is your verbal commitment to moving on.

[B]

Verbal consent. Level six. Level six.

[A]

Here we go.

[B]

We are.

[A]

Okay. Level six. In three, two, one. He couldn't even make it. He couldn't make it. Oh, my God. No. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. You don't look good, brother. We gotta end it. You don't look healthy. I don't want to keep going. I don't want to keep going.

[B]

I don't know. It's more of a fear thing. I don't know.

[A]

There's so much liquid on your chest. What the was that look? No, bro, if you're starting to look around the room and see stars, we're done.

[B]

Okay. I think the lights are too hot.

[A]

Okay, level six. Yeah, that's good. That's solid. Let's get them off.

[B]

Let's. No, no. Let's go to 10.

[A]

No, no, no, no.

[B]

Give me 10.

[A]

Are you sure? Are you sure?

[B]

Yeah, give me 10.

[A]

I don't know if that's safe.

[B]

Give me 10. Give me.

[A]

I don't know if that's good for you.

[B]

Give me ten.

[A]

All right, we're going to ten right now. Oh, did he get to ten? He got to Seven.

[B]

No, then it doesn't count. Give me the ten.

[A]

Okay, we're going to ten in three.

[B]

Go to ten.

[A]

We're going to ten. I can't. I have to click the button. Stop. It's gradual. Here we go. We're going to 10. Brace, buddy. Brace, buddy.

[B]

No, no, no, no, Cam. Okay, keep going, keep going, keep going.

[A]

Shit, shit. Shit.

[B]

Ended. We're coming off. We're coming off, we're coming off.

[A]

And the worst part is that was only a level 9 and 8. I can't get there all the way, brother. I can't do it. I love you too much.

[B]

I gotta apologize to some of my exes.

[A]

Yeah, you do.

[B]

This is what it feels like.

[A]

Okay. Oh, there's no more stimulation going. He is crying dog.

[B]

No, that's. That's no joke, bro.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

There's no way. There's no way that bad. I feel like the tip is on fire right now.

[A]

Oh, God. No, I think you might have went too little. I think you. I think. I think it was getting some veins. Yeah. Let me help. Oh, let me help you. Here we go. Oh.

[B]

Dude, Cam, that's not right.

[A]

I know, brother. I know.

[B]

Oh, it burns and itches.

[A]

Oh, no. You might. We might have done something wrong. I go because we didn't read.

[B]

Oh, no. I'm nervous about getting these bottom ones off here. We. That's fine.

[A]

There's like one hair appetizer.

[B]

Holy shit. But the higher. The higher you go on the thing, the more you feel it up top. It's the lower ones that you feel in your. In your cooter, dude, it feels like my cooters on fire, bro. Oh, my God.

[A]

Okay, so before we transition to me, Pete, immediate thoughts. Treat it like a post game interview. Just talk whatever comes to mind.

[B]

Immediate thoughts is, I think my next coitus experience, it's not gonna work. I think I'm gonna need some Honey packs or some Blue Chew. I don't know. I shouldn't have felt it there.

[A]

Yeah, you might have went too low.

[B]

I think it had a mind of. It started going like this in my pants.

[A]

It was like, help, help, help, help. It was just jerking over the place.

[B]

Good morning to you. And then it was like, who is she?

[A]

Who is she?

[B]

And then. And then when he got to 10, it felt like everything in here started going here.

[A]

My.

[B]

No, bro. It's the lower ones that. It was shocking down here. And my legs lost control.

[A]

What if, like, not to scare you, but if you, like, shit blood later, what would you Think.

[B]

Oh, my God. I became really on my period.

[A]

Oh, no, for real.

[B]

All right. Oh, you got to teach me how to use this thing.

[A]

So basically, yeah, this is the. This is the hard part. So it's already on the right setting. It's on setting one. So this is channel A. Channel B. So you're gonna hit A. You have to hit plus. So that's level one. You hit B plus. So now I'm at an even level one.

[B]

And then so to turn it down, just minus. Minus.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A minus. B minus. Yeah.

[A]

And you got to go quick, bro. Cuz I know your fingers aren't the best, but you got. You've got to work with me, okay? Due to the fact I have a wife, I'm not gonna go completely shirtless. But I will apply.

[B]

That's only for her, you freaks.

[A]

Yeah. Here we go.

[B]

No.

[A]

Don't you even say that. Okay.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah, there's. That's bullshit. This can't be. If that's.

[B]

Oh, shit. Liv's legs are in operating system. Like. No, it's literally like I was getting shocked in my legs. That's what it's like.

[A]

Oh, my God. I'm already getting nervous, bro.

[B]

Okay, and how do I hit start? Like, to make it go is the middle button.

[A]

Yeah. Stop. No, no. It was more shock. It was scare. You turned it on. But it was on my thumb. It was on my thumb. That's why I thr. It was on my thumb. You did? I didn't expect. I'm drooling. No, I didn't expect.

[B]

Holy. Yeah. Honestly.

[A]

Bro, it's scaring me. Turn it off, bro. What are you doing? Is it off?

[B]

Oh, off. Oh, yeah. Yo, Cam's so soft.

[A]

This is gonna be good.

[B]

I honestly gotta go check my.

[A]

This is. Okay, guys. So now I'm applying the pads. We're supposed to go low and then too high. You had to wake her up. Okay, I have the two lower abdomens applied. Don't touch it. All right, guys, we're all padded up. Strapped up. Peyton's about to give me the period. Cramp or labor pain simulator? We got the pads on. Two are low on the V line. Two are in the middle abdomens.

[B]

Okay, so how do I do this again?

[A]

I'm not gonna lie. More of my scaredness is coming from you. Okay, it's on. It's on. I'm feeling level one. I'm feeling level one.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And now we're gonna go to.

[A]

Should I my.

[B]

We're gonna go to level two.

[A]

You should probably wait. Just give me a second. Give me a second to talk. That was level two. Give me a second.

[B]

No, it's not a level two.

[A]

No, it's up. Something's on. Now there.

[B]

It's level two.

[A]

Okay, something else is on. Give me. Give me a sec.

[B]

That's level two. Level two, Amy.

[A]

Okay, okay. Second. Wait a second. I didn't move it off.

[B]

How do I turn it off?

[A]

You're not even letting me speak. You're not letting me speak.

[B]

Turn it off.

[A]

Turn it off. There's something in my left side. There's something.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

In my lungs.

[B]

It's off, it's off, it's off.

[A]

I'm feeling a tube I've never felt before. Okay. Okay. Sweat has started. I gotta get my initial thoughts before we go into it. Okay.

[B]

You look at the hands, it's over.

[A]

I'm just like. So I might have got an early taste of level two. I'm feeling the tube. I didn't know it was inside of me. It's like extracting something out. But we got two on the V line. Two about the middle of the abs here. Quick peek. The two other ones are kind of low, so I'm definitely scared about the lower ones. So remember, when you turn it on, you're going to go, all right, we're at level whatever. Then you hit it to that level. I experience it. When I scream, you decrease the level.

[B]

Okay, we're going to. Ready?

[A]

I will rip these off or break the device if you do me dirty because I did you as an honest, honest man.

[B]

I got you. You ready for level three?

[A]

What happened? No, give me. Give me. Natural.

[B]

That's level three. This is. Now you're completely level three. How are we feeling?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. We're feeling it.

[B]

We're feeling it.

[A]

What? The top ones are. The bottom ones. It's the bot. The bottom with the top ones are like, kind of.

[B]

You feeling it?

[A]

Yeah. Okay. The top ones aren't. The top ones aren't as bad. I don't know if I should flex.

[B]

Should I go to level four now?

[A]

You should take down. I took down every time for you.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Take it. Okay. Okay.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

Okay. The top ones. The top ones feel like I'm doing an intense exercise.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The bottom ones feel like torture.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So your legs. How your legs feeling? A natural clinch.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, sit. Because my. I think I keep trying to straighten out, then I curl up in the ball.

[B]

All right, so what are we doing?

[A]

Level 4 Now we're gonna go to 4 and you have to click them.

[B]

Quick and get to trying brother and.

[A]

Then take them off.

[B]

Level four, ready?

[A]

No thumbs off. Now it's back on. It's back on Level four.

[B]

Here we go.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. No, no, it's back on. It's the bottom ones. I can't even. I can't. I can't talk when it's on. I can't talk when it's on. My neck's hurting.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[A]

I got level four. I passed.

[B]

Okay, you're level four. Ow.

[A]

Okay. Because I clenched so hard my neck. Okay, okay.

[B]

Level four thoughts.

[A]

Okay. It's. Get. It's. It's. I didn't think the jumps would be that significant. I should know based off yours. The jumps are significant. I can definitely tell. Four is a different beast from three. Five is going to be a different beast from four. Okay.

[B]

I tried to go fast on that one, but it's the switching over to B is the hard part.

[A]

That's ass. Because when it's just one of them, you can kind of tame it. As soon as that second one kicks.

[B]

In, you're like, yeah, fuck, 100%. Okay, you ready for level five?

[A]

Ready for five. Here we go.

[B]

Here we go.

[A]

Tell me what. It's coming. I ripped my pants. I ran my pants. I felt the butt.

[B]

This is level five.

[A]

No. Oh, no. Turn it off. Turn it. Peyton. Bro, I said turn it off. When I say I did. It literally felt like a alien was crawling out of me, bro. Oh. Oh.

[B]

I turned it off, bro.

[A]

Oh. Oh. Oh, wow. Level five's different. Oh, man. Oh, I will.

[B]

I got all the taste.

[A]

I have a weird taste in my mouth.

[B]

Describe it. Level. That was five.

[A]

How, bro? How are you talking? My biggest. I was trying to yell. I couldn't even speak. I was like, oh, man. The bottom. The bottom. The bottom ones are bad.

[B]

Yeah, I'm telling you, that's the one.

[A]

Oh, the bottom one are bad. My stomach literally felt like something was, like, going, like, trying to escape, bro. Oh, shit. Okay. All right, give me five seconds. Give me five seconds. I'm taking a deep breath.

[B]

So we're going to level five or six? Five.

[A]

Six. That was five. Hey, when I tell you. I didn't say start. I didn't say. I didn't say start.

[B]

That's what I'm saying.

[A]

Oh, my God. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, man. Oh, man. Oh, man.

[B]

Bro, you're only on six for, like, one second.

[A]

Yeah. No, dude. Now it's the top ones that are more visceral. Oh, Man. Okay.

[B]

Oh, my God. So funny.

[A]

Okay, you got to get to 8.

[B]

Or can you get 9 and beat me? Oh, 10.

[A]

He went.

[B]

You. I got 9.

[A]

You were 9 and 7 by the time you got. You couldn't even face the nine along enough for me to get the other one. I guarantee I won't. Oh, shit. I don't want to lose the challenge to you, but, man. All right, I'm good for seven.

[B]

It's kind of second.

[A]

I'm not. I'm not gonna lie. You have to click quicker. You absolutely have to get the second channel there quicker, because it's either top or bottom. Whichever one you do one's full force, like punching the first a.

[B]

Whatever it is.

[A]

Oh, man.

[B]

Bro. All right, level seven. Are you ready?

[A]

Plea. Plea. When I tell you to stop, please stop. Okay. You're. You're mashing. Okay, hold on.

[B]

I'm not even there.

[A]

I know. No, but you're one of. One of them's on. Okay. Okay. Ow. Ow.

[B]

Oh, wait, that's only six. No, here we go. Here, here.

[A]

The.

[B]

That's my fault.

[A]

I couldn't count.

[B]

That's my fault. I was at six.

[A]

Oh, man. It doesn't show level seven.

[B]

You have to count it.

[A]

What is 10? All right, bro. You got to seven, and then you went for all the glory. I'm not. I'm not climbing the ladder. I've matched you so far. I hit 7 and 7. Just do your best button mash one side to the top immediately. As soon as I start screaming, just switch the other one. Button mash.

[B]

You. You're screaming at five, so it's hard.

[A]

Because it's like, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow, ow. It's been builds up.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Okay, just wait. Oh, my God. If I put you on this right now, our kid would come out like Magneto. He'd come out with powers, bro. He'd be. He'd be absolutely touched. Oh, man. I can't wait for. I can't wait for you to.

[B]

Am I going to all the glory here? All the glory.

[A]

You're going all the glory. Not. No, wait. No pain.

[B]

Stop. Stop.

[A]

I felt in my foot. Stop. Oh. Oh, my God. I felt in my ankle, bro. Now, I know what you said.

[B]

That was. Oh, it was eight and a half. It was like. It was eight and eight. That's why I was trying to push, so it could be even. I'll try to get you to nine.

[A]

Oh, my God. You don't click quick enough. Oh, my God. How the. There's no. There Is eight there?

[B]

No, I was clicking it, but I see how many clicks I was doing. I was like, 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8.

[A]

There's no. There is no way. There's no way this is what a period feels.

[B]

No, I can't.

[A]

Bullshit.

[B]

Period. Bullshit. Late.

[A]

No. Hell no. Give me an epidural then for sure.

[B]

Give me a heart attack.

[A]

Anyone that does natural birth prop, God bless you because. Oh, man.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Okay. It. It is crazy how. No, don't you.

[B]

Don't.

[A]

Don't you.

[B]

I'm not. I'm not.

[A]

Yes, you are. You literally said you're going to. I'll rip them off. I will rip them off.

[B]

Don't do it. It's on one, bro.

[A]

No, it's on one until you mash it.

[B]

I'm not going to mash it.

[A]

You're mashing it now.

[B]

No, I'm not.

[A]

Stop Pe. No, bro, stop. Oh, my God, bro. It gets so bad, bro. Oh, my God. You don't understand. They don't get it, bro.

[B]

Okay, I'm not going to lie. I. I put the left side up to 10, bro.

[A]

That on my last one.

[B]

That was 10 on one side.

[A]

That was. That was intense.

[B]

The you should know podcast.

[A]

Alright, guys, we hope you absolutely love that and enjoyed that. As Uncle P said, that is a sneak peek on what you get being a koala club member, being on the Patreon. And there's so much more to come here in the near future with Patreon. But we absolutely love you and appreciate you coming Back to episode 132. We cannot wait to see everybody watch the virtual live show. It is available now. So is the tour merch. Tag us on Instagram. Tag us us everywhere. Put your favorite video, your favorite clips, put a picture of you in the new shirt. Do it all. We cannot wait to see and appreciate all the love that y'all show us. But before we get out of here, don't forget, confuse the casuals and get your good karma with this week's code. And that simply is.

[B]

My belly button smells like brisket. The code is cap C, A P, Cam, eight pickles.

[A]

Absolutely not.

[B]

What?

[A]

It's carnival ass, Peyton.

[B]

Carnival ass paid.

[A]

Carnival ass, Peyton. Confused the casuals. Leave it on Tick Tock, Instagram, Discord, Facebook. Put into Twitch. Put in Patriot. Put on the full length. Leave it right here, right now. Get your good karma with this week's code cap, and we will see you next week, Patreon. Love you.

[B]

We got K Rob back. Y'all love them on Patreon we're about to do an extended episode, so it's gonna be over on Patreon. We love you, you so much. And remember, 1 out of 10 koala bears don't make it home to Christmas. Hello. And we will see you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Next time.

[A]

Yeah. His ass is carnival and you win.

[B]

A prize every time.