OUR WILD ROMANTIC GETAWAY! -You Should Know Podcast-

Summary

You Should Know Podcast Episode Summary: "OUR WILD ROMANTIC GETAWAY!"

Host: Peyton Hardin
Co-Host: Cameron Kennedy
Release Date: November 18, 2024

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1. Introduction and Welcome

The episode kicks off with Peyton and Cameron welcoming listeners back to episode 139 of the You Should Know Podcast. They engage in their trademark friendly banter, setting a lighthearted and humorous tone for the episode.

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2. Personal Anecdotes and Experiences

a. Cameron’s Doctor Visit Fiasco ([05:05] - [11:10])

Cameron narrates a humorous yet frustrating experience with a doctor's appointment. After years of neglecting regular check-ups, he decides to visit a physician, only to be met with a dismissive encounter:

• Cameron: "Can I say the most pointless I've ever done was go to that doctor." ([06:48])

He describes the doctor's minimal examination, highlighting the futility of his visit and the unmet expectations:

• Cameron: "Me just gotta wait till I'm 50?" ([07:08])

b. Navigating Relationships and Social Interactions ([12:02] - [18:26])

The hosts delve into their personal relationships, with Cameron expressing his desire to define his relationship with Peyton as "boyfriends." This playful debate underscores their close friendship and willingness to explore boundaries:

• Cameron: "We are boyfriends." ([29:22])

They discuss social dynamics, interactions with family, and humorous situations arising from their relationships, reinforcing the camaraderie between the hosts.

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3. Engaging Games and Interactive Segments

a. The Adjective Game ([57:05] - [66:29])

Peyton and Cameron engage in a spirited round of the Adjective Game, where they assess each other using negative adjectives. This segment showcases their quick wit and ability to rib each other affectionately:

• Peyton: "Cam, you are a goblin." ([67:12])
• Cameron: "You do not wash your hands." ([67:56])

The game highlights their dynamic chemistry and provides listeners with plenty of laughs through their humorous insults and rebuttals.

b. Dr. P Segment ([74:39] - [89:52])

Introducing a fictional character, Dr. P, the hosts create an elaborate role-playing scenario where Cameron acts as Dr. P, the "greatest love doctor in the world." They simulate a counseling session with exaggerated drama and comedic elements:

• Dr. P (Cameron): "Dear Dr. P, I have a girlfriend, but I also like another girl." ([79:27])

This segment blends improvisation with scripted humor, enhancing the entertainment value of the episode.

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4. Humorous Storytelling and Banter

a. Restaurant Misadventures ([30:10] - [38:49])

Peyton recounts a visit to Bricktown Brewery with Cameron, filled with comedic observations about the menu and service:

• Peyton: "They sell raw chicken at that Popeyes." ([25:40])

Their exaggerated complaints about common dishes like meatloaf and lasagna serve as a comedic exploration of everyday dining experiences.

b. Wild Romantic Getaway ([20:03] - [45:29])

Cameron shares an elaborate tale of a chaotic trip involving Tesla charging stations, bizarre encounters, and unexpected obstacles:

• Cameron: "I see a full rat dead with its head blown off." ([21:03])
• Peyton: "Your mom is my girlfriend." ([29:51])

The story is peppered with absurd and humorous incidents, reflecting their ability to find comedy in misadventures.

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5. Reflections and Closing Remarks

In the concluding segments, the hosts reflect on the day’s discussions, tease upcoming content, and encourage listeners to engage through Patreon and social media. They reiterate their appreciation for the audience and hint at future episodes featuring similar interactive and playful content.

• Peyton: "We love you guys so much." ([91:21])

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Cameron: "We are boyfriends." ([29:22])
• Peyton: "He’s a goblin." ([67:12])
• Cameron: "I need to conserve my energy." ([51:30])
• Peyton: "Lasagna is filthy." ([34:37])
• Cameron: "I don’t want to cause a scene." ([50:20])
• Peyton: "We are boyfriends." ([29:22])

---

Key Takeaways

• Dynamic Friendship: The episode underscores the deep bond and easy camaraderie between Peyton and Cameron, highlighted by their playful teasing and shared stories.

• Humor in Everyday Situations: Through their anecdotes and games, the hosts showcase how humor can be found in mundane or frustrating experiences.

• Interactive Content: Engaging segments like the Adjective Game and the Dr. P role-play demonstrate the hosts' creativity in involving listeners and keeping the content fresh and entertaining.

---

Conclusion

"OUR WILD ROMANTIC GETAWAY!" is a testament to Peyton and Cameron's ability to blend personal stories, humor, and interactive segments seamlessly. Their natural rapport and willingness to poke fun at each other create an engaging listening experience, making this episode a memorable addition to the You Should Know Podcast series.

Transcript

[A]

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[B]

The YOU Should Know.

[A]

Podcast hey everybody, welcome back to you.

[B]

Should Know podcast episode 139. Round of applause please.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[B]

I'm just trying to hydrate it a little bit. Hey everybody, welcome back to Israel podcast episode 139. If you are new here or if you haven't already, leave below. Subscribe button isn't press. You're wrong. If you look even more below that, you see that comment section isn't fulfilled with your name, guess what? Even more wrong. Go ahead and fill that out. Get your good karma. Hey, I think we have some banger episodes. Back to back to back to back to back to back. And we're going to keep doing this round of applause for that. Thank you. It seems like y'all enjoyed them a lot. Also, we are approaching Black Friday and you know what that means. The merge drop is coming. And if you want to see that because you get early access on the Patreon, you can go over to Patreon right now and you can see what that merch drop will be. So round of applause for a new merch drop coming in a couple days. Dr. P also got his own show over on Patreon and it's probably one of the funniest things we've ever put out. We might add that sometime here on the Future, but if you want to see that now in full uncensored, go over to Patreon right now. Go get that. Also, follow us on Twitch, Discord, all the socials. We love you so much. Now on to the rest of the episode, the YOU Should Know podcast. This episode is brought to you by friends at Manscaped. Hey everyone with the Holidays creepy month faster than your aunts fruitcake recipe. I've got something way better to share with you. If you want to look sharp for all those festive gatherings and maybe finally win the best groomed at family dinner award. It's a weird award to have at dinner. Check out Manscape's latest masterpiece, the Chairman Pro package. Trust me, it's like Rudolph for your face, guiding you to a smooth irritation. Free shave. Just head over to manscaped.com and join the over 11 million men worldwide who trust Manscaped by using code PSH for 20% off plus free shipping.

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[A]

Back in the studio Back with some ruby dropping all the tracks like back on a Groovio throwing path like a dime like Rubio.

[B]

Why you dressed like a youth pastor today? Why? What's going on? Did I miss the memo?

[A]

I can't wear jeans and the shirt.

[B]

Why? It's Monday. What do you mean, it's Monday?

[A]

Monday's the greatest day in the world. What day? Monday. Which.

[B]

The one is dead? Yeah, yeah, the one she used to say all the time, oh, no.

[A]

Oh, no, you're not gonna be me.

[B]

I'm restricted. Sorry.

[A]

Okay, go.

[B]

I was gonna say we got new mic stands, right?

[A]

They're beautiful.

[B]

They're expensive, and they're beautiful. And the reason is, is because the last two episodes, I broke the mic stands, and there's a lot of snap, crackle, pop. And we took a lot in the post to fix it, and so we got these new ones, right? But it doesn't allow me to do my movement. And so I feel like a caged animal that didn't get its rabies shot. That with the COVID vaccine. And I'm stuck in the. And I'm stuck in this cage, and there's a piece of fresh meat over there. And a woman. And I'm like, sorry. Well, that's going to get muted, but it's all right.

[A]

Hey, fight that urge. Just bite down. Get that inner willpower.

[B]

What were you wanting to say?

[A]

I was going to say I hate you. I was actually going to start with that. I don't like you today until I say what I'm going to say and you rebuke it. In the name of Christ.

[B]

What are you going to say about me?

[A]

So fun story time off the rip. Here we go. Peyton calls me, right? Hey, what's up, buddy? Da, da. This is a couple days ago. This is about four days ago, maybe.

[B]

Hey, what's up, bro?

[A]

What are you doing? Okay, I'm going to send this thing to you. Cool. Boom. My nightly routine might sound weird. I might love him. I might just want to get tickled in the ears, but I call you every night. Yes or no?

[B]

Yeah, too much.

[A]

Okay, that's a bit rude. So I call him right when I'm laying down with my wife, it's time to go to bed. Hey, bro, do you want to go to the gym in the morning? Simple question.

[B]

Yes, you did ask.

[A]

Do you remember your stupid response?

[B]

Uh, know what I say?

[A]

Can't, bro. Going to the doctor. I said, oh, I didn't know you were sick. What's wrong with you? Are you okay? Oh, nothing. Yeah, so why are you going to the doctor? And he literally said, oh, it's been about seven years. I'm sure there's something wrong. I think I'm gonna go get a checkup.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I then proceed with. So nothing's currently wrong with you. You haven't been in seven years, and you just had this mental sabbatical during the middle of the day, and you said, I want to go get a doctor.

[B]

I should get a doctor.

[A]

Oh, I've been telling you for two years, every Monday straight, you need a doctor.

[B]

So what's the problem?

[A]

You need a doctor, a psychiatrist, a therapist. But why?

[B]

What.

[A]

What was your. What was the thought process? I was made you say, I need help going to bed.

[B]

And every day there's a new pain somewhere. It's like this part of my body, my neck. I'm like, I shouldn't feel like this at 25. And, like, you know, I got a lot of responsibility, a lot of people relying on if I'm alive or not. Yeah, I need to be alive. So let me just.

[A]

You need to be alive, so let.

[B]

Me just get a doctor and have one. Can I say the most pointless I've ever done was go to that doctor. What the. Literally nothing happened.

[A]

You're 25 and nothing was wrong with you.

[B]

They didn't check me. What?

[A]

You're not seven. They're not going to check your height, weight, do the eye test and give you a lollipop. They'll send you out.

[B]

What's the point of going to the.

[A]

Doctor when something's wrong with you? When you're 50 and you need a little nurse in your butthole with some Vaseline.

[B]

I gotta wait till I'm 50?

[A]

Yeah, you gotta wait till you're 50. Or you can go down to Good morning. Good morning to you.

[B]

Wait, I thought it was important to just go to the doctor to get regular checkups.

[A]

You are in.

[B]

Especially as a black man.

[A]

Somewhat art now. What does that mean?

[B]

You wouldn't understand. I guess my brothers, you know, not you, you know, I was.

[A]

I was formally inducted into the faithful black men of Oklahoma society. I swear to God.

[B]

Organization.

[A]

I don't know. I wasn't faithful because I wasn't in a relationship. And believe it or not, I'm not black. But I am an honorary member. So I do.

[B]

Maybe they just thought you came for money and they wanted a donation.

[A]

Oh no, I wore the same raggedy hoodie and I wore hirachis with holes.

[B]

Be the rich one. Those be the rich ones. Okay, wait. No, I'm saying like the doctor was the most poor. Like nothing happened.

[A]

Yeah. So fun fact. You're in a stage of life that some people call it to new. It's a newer term, Prime.

[B]

No, you're 25. No, you prime of your life as a man is your 30s health wise.

[A]

30S, you think?

[B]

Not mine. No, I'm. You can't take an outline.

[A]

Jimin button. If that's the case, you will be going. You will be deep.

[B]

You can't take an outlying circumstance. I'm just saying.

[A]

So you're an outlier?

[B]

Yes, I'm saying it literally. I was like, okay, they're going to. They're going to grab me, they're going to fold me, they're going to feel me and I'm going to know if I need something. I don't really know. The doctor worked. I haven't been in my adult life.

[A]

Really fold you and feel.

[B]

After I stopped going to get physicals every year for basketball because I had to, I stopped going to the doctor.

[A]

Yeah, cuz you were healthy. You were in the prime of your life. You went to a doctor without a cough, without a headache, without a fever. I didn't have without a broken bone.

[B]

No, I need a primary care physician. You need one of those.

[A]

You do need.

[B]

And I don't have one.

[A]

You can just simply elect one.

[B]

Yeah. You have to go.

[A]

No, you don't know. It's not a job interview. You don't go, hey, Thomas, you think you'll be able to fix me when I need it? No. You look, if your insurance has them in network and you say, that's my doc.

[B]

Yeah. And I went.

[A]

You don't go and shake his or her hand.

[B]

It was a her. She was very pretty.

[A]

Yeah. So you went on a date. So you went on a date with a girl and some scrubs with nothing wrong?

[B]

No. Okay. So I went in there and then they literally. You know how whenever you're a kid and you go to the doctor and they would have you step on the scale and then they check your height? The didn't even ask her. You can't even do that. She goes, how tall are you?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I said, six, seven. She goes, you sure? And I go, well, isn't that your job to tell me?

[A]

She knows that you can drive, you pay taxes, you have a mortgage, and you might have a family at your age. She's not gonna rub your tummy. Open your ears for me.

[B]

She did that? She did go in my ears.

[A]

She checked your ears? She checked your ears? And she didn't do anything else?

[B]

No, no. So literally, she's like, so, what are you here for? And I said, I need a primary care physician. She goes, okay.

[A]

She goes, that's me. Get out. That's what she should have said.

[B]

Then she goes, did you fast today? And I said, I'm not religious like that. Like, I believe in God, but I don't know if we practice that part. And so I said, can I say that? So I didn't know. And so I said, no, man. Was I supposed to. And she goes, oh, well, we love taking blood here. And I said, oh, that's weird. That's a weird thing to say to me. I said, oh, yeah. No, I didn't.

[A]

You.

[B]

That's not happening. And so she was like, it's okay. She was like, we can schedule that later. And I said, probably not, though, right? And then she. She sits me on the. On the bed and she's checking my heart. And.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, definitely.

[A]

You go, I'm probably, what, 60%? I got 60% full capacity.

[B]

And I was like. She goes, oh, you're good. And I was like, you definitely use chat GBT in College.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And so. And then I was talking to her and she's like, do you have it? Like, do you have problems? Like, do you have any surgeries? Anything? I said, no, I'm good. And she goes, okay, we'll see you in a year.

[A]

Yeah, that.

[B]

And I said, what the.

[A]

That's what a doctor. You don't. You can go in there, but for you to just rent and this was like a Saturday or some shit. Like, your weekend is valuable to you. You love the weekend. You love going out, you love having fun, you love hanging out with us. And you go, Imma go to a doctor.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What in. Okay, role play with me. Say, say you went and they found a numerous amount of things wrong with you. They're like, it's strange. Both your ankles are fractured, you got a punctured lung, the ribs are disset your neck. Oh, I'm not knocking because it. I'll knock for you. Say they found like 13 things wrong with you. And they said, hey, this new thing came out with artificial intelligence. We have a way we can solve all of it. We can fix everything wrong with you. You'll immediately yield benefits, your life will be better. Everything. You'll feel better. It's $10,000. One time, lump sum payment today. We can have amazing drugs for you. You go under for 24 hours, you don't feel anything, you wake up and everything's fixed. Are you taking that deal?

[B]

How long's the recovery?

[A]

Another 24 hours. Yeah, 24 hours getting it done. 24 hours. You gotta stay in the house and do nothing?

[B]

Yeah, 100%. And I'm great. The next day.

[A]

Good man.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

The next, next day.

[B]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah, I would definitely do that. Hundreds. That's easy.

[A]

Good man. Yeah, but normally, you see, that almost made me mad because you actually were reasonable this time. Sometimes you'd be like, well, I don't know. I kind of like my ankles. Click. But I like them. They're my ankles.

[B]

I mean, it is kind of like a good icebreaker. My ankle is like, whenever I like, used to go on dates and I'd walk with girls and they'd hear it. They'd be like, is something in your pocket? And I'd be like, no, it's my ankles. And so it's a good icebreaker. My dislocated ankles.

[A]

I need, I need a list. I need, I need like a Santa Claus list of all the girls you've ever went on a date with. And we just need to do a group prayer. We need to Pray for every one of them because they all have an experience.

[B]

I also hate what one thing I hated at the doctor's office was the waiting room. It made me feel like I was back in school.

[A]

It makes you feel more sick.

[B]

It's gross. And people are so weird.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

They dot. They yell their personal information, whisper God damn. Like, why are you saying I don't need to know what's wrong?

[A]

Where's Jill with the jaundice? Jill, jaundice. 1220, your appointments. I'd be like, no. They go, steve, Micro penis transplants. Do we have a Steve? Nothing? He's like.

[B]

No. There's this lady she didn't like, she was arguing with the receptionist about when her time.

[A]

Oh my God. People are so. They think they're so entitled.

[B]

She was like, it was like early, right? And the, the lady went up to the counter and the. The receptionist said, okay, we'll get you signed in, but your appointment's not till 2:30. It's 1:00 right now. And she goes, no. I was like, that's probably not the right thing to say. She goes, no. She was like 1:45. And she goes, no, actually, no, no. Your point is at 2:30 I have it right here in front of me. And she goes, 1:45?

[A]

Is that a question?

[B]

She goes, two thirty. She's like, you can stay here or you can go back home, but your appointment is at 2:30. She looks around, she's like, 145. I said, all right, bro. And then they called me back and I was like, thank God. And then the. The guy, I. And one thing about the doctor, I don't like. When they notice me, it's like I. You're gonna see the inside of me. Yeah. I don't want you to.

[A]

The insides of you.

[B]

Yeah, I saw the inside of CJ yesterday. Fun fact, I did. Okay, he bent over in front of me with. He's gonna cut this.

[A]

You were butt naked. You bent over in front of him.

[B]

No, he's wearing like fishnet. What?

[A]

You were fish dance. You a freak, dude.

[B]

His underwear is so secret.

[A]

That's his lick. That's his. I know he's not lying. You were in fishnet draws. Oh my God.

[B]

Why were they so see through?

[A]

What'd you just get back from your shift at ecstasy, huh? What? You got a. What? You got a little thing on you. So just cuz you have an ass. Means you can wear assless chaps. See through fish.

[B]

No, he literally was like that. Like it was Weird.

[A]

My, oh, my. Okay, this is gonna be a very weird transition. Very weird transition. And y'all, she's your sister, so just relax.

[B]

I don't want to hear about.

[A]

Just let me get it out. No, my wife is the longest naked person ever.

[B]

Or.

[A]

No, that came. No, I came out. That came out incredibly strange. She. Okay, she's. When she's naked, it's the longest time for her to get reclothed.

[B]

Okay, that's what I meant. She stays late.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

She stays naked a long time.

[A]

Yes. We were literally at our maternity shoot.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

The woman's taking pictures. She goes, okay, it's time to change to your second fit. Huh?

[B]

Freaky ass shit are y'all doing?

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

You're taking naked pictures?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

For your baby?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What's going on?

[A]

The wall? No, the one with the clothes are by a G string on.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

No, she said it's time to change clothes. I'm gonna give you all a second, Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So she leaves the room aside and we both. We both change. But for live to change, she had to change her bras and everything, cuz it's like a maternity. So a lot of skin showing. She has her full goodie bags out, right?

[B]

Good morning.

[A]

Her jugs are sitting there. She's down to her panties and she starts scratching her arm. She's like. She picks her phone up and goes. And I go, you are butt naked. Put some clothes on. The second I take my pants off, I'm like. And I do not want to be caught dead with my gummy worm sitting here flaccid.

[B]

There are people that are way too comfortable being naked.

[A]

Unbelievably comfortable in their own skin. I love her to death for. But I'm like, we are literally in someone's home right now. She is one door away from seeing all of you.

[B]

That is crazy.

[A]

And then Lip, she's sitting there, she's like doing tasks. I'm like, what the fuck? Put your clothes.

[B]

I get in changing rooms. I'm quick. I get nervous in there.

[A]

I hate. Oh, my God. When our head pokes over the thing.

[B]

Oh, my God. And they see me reveal my chest and I.

[A]

And I'm an idiot. I think just because I can see them. They can see all of them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And there's a big ass wood or there. But I'll literally be like. Like covering up. We need to go on a naked retreat together, but in different rooms.

[B]

No, we should.

[A]

You and CJ are in one room. Like. Like it is at home now. And then I'm in my own room. But you have to be naked.

[B]

Wait, time out. Slow down. You would put me and CJ in. Us three went on a naked retreat. You would put me and C.J. in a room and not me and you.

[A]

I've already experienced your glory.

[B]

Yeah, I like when you experience it.

[A]

It's time for cj.

[B]

What's a naked retreat?

[A]

Turn you from a boy to a man.

[B]

What's a naked retreat?

[A]

I think you get butt ass naked. You go on this little maybe three day sabbatical and you learn to love yourself.

[B]

Is that a fact?

[A]

Think there is a boys trip thing.

[B]

Is it a single man now?

[A]

I don't know if it's like a hey, let's go with the bros. But I think it's just single people go, no, those on you.

[B]

They did that. Remember the show you on Netflix?

[A]

Yeah, they went up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Season.

[B]

The one where they're in la.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

And so Joe went with the. The dude that does the all the shit.

[A]

I was waiting. I was like, holy shit. You're struggling to say he.

[B]

Joe went with the dude that did the stuff. And they know they went to the winter. It's like he was into holistic.

[A]

No, no, no, no, no, no. Hey, hey, we'll pivot, we'll pivot.

[B]

Okay. He's in a holistic shit, right? And he is like one of those guys and he takes vitamins and shit in his. What? And his wife was an influencer. Black lady. You don't remember this?

[A]

No.

[B]

And they went to the woods and they tried to have a threesome.

[A]

Are we thinking of the same show?

[B]

No. They tried to swap couples.

[A]

Oh, that's a throuple.

[B]

No, no, that's you.

[A]

No, but.

[B]

What?

[A]

No, it's not. No, that's not.

[B]

I was wondering what that chair in your room was for.

[A]

No, no, no. That's a rocker for my to be sun.

[B]

Okay. You should know. Podcast this episode is brought to you by our friends at Shopify. One of the most important things for having an online business, when you ever want your customers to online shop, is making it easy, convenient for you and for them.

[A]

Amen.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Upgrade your business and get the same checkout we use with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com ysk all lowercase Cha Ching. Go to shopify.com ysk to upgrade your selling today.

[B]

Cha Ching.

[A]

That is shopify.com ysk now onto the.

[B]

Rest of the episode. Cha Ching the you should know podcast. Can I tell you about what happened before the recording today?

[A]

Oh, you got shit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes. Go.

[B]

Craziest thing. Like, I've been having a rough day.

[A]

No, you've been having a rough weekend. Yeah, I know, rough, like 48.

[B]

I've been having a hard time. So we were coming to record today, right? Me and C.J. drive together. You were driving separately. We normally all drive together, but today you want to be separate because your photo shoot or something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So Cam was beating us to the studio. We had to be quick. I was like, sorry, Cam, we're going to be a little late. I have to go charge my car. Not enough charge to get here to the studio today. Me and cj, we whipped to the. We whipped to the Tesla Charger right down the road, right? I plug. I plug my car in to charge, right? Okay. No, no, I didn't even plug it in.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

No, I reversed into the reverse, into the reverse, into the stall.

[A]

Big ass spot. You're doing all this for one spot?

[B]

I reverse into the charging stall, right? It's the first one.

[A]

A stall.

[B]

Well, I don't know what the car. But you call them stalls and there's no doors. I don't know what he is.

[A]

I don't charge. It's not an Evo one. Go.

[B]

Okay, so I reversed into the parking spot to charge my Tesla. I'm talking to cj, My passenger. My passenger, Princess cj. I'm talking to him. So my eyes are over here, opening the door to the left. I press the button, I open the door. I go to take one step, and as I turn, I see something. Right there it is a full rat. Dead with its head blown off. And my foot was hovering over his. Eyes were loose, brain everywhere, skull matter everywhere. Somebody stomped that rat. It was the biggest damn rat I have ever seen in my life. Cam, are you being serious? Cj, did you not look over? It was a fat ass rat, exploded head. It's like the got a hold of that rat. Oh, I can't say that. No. What? That's what they did. No. Okay. We'll just mute it, though. Okay. Oh, and I didn't even tell you this. CJ either. As I was like. I skipped past the ride to go plug in my car. You know, there's that bush right there. There's a full chocolate cake laying there.

[A]

So was that.

[B]

There was a full chocolate cake open, no box, just sitting there on the things turned sideways in the same parking spot.

[A]

Right by the bush.

[B]

No, it was like, right by the bush, right behind the parking spot.

[A]

But same general location.

[B]

General locations. So then I skip back over the right. I sit down, I look at my screen. Chargers not charging. Tesla chargers broken with the dead rat in the chocolate cake. So now I gotta skip back over the rat. I gotta unplug the charger, put it back, skip back over the rat, get in the car, find new charger. I go three spots down. I reverse back into the spot. I say to C.J. hungry. I'm hungry. I'm like, there's a mall right here, C.J. let's go get foods. He says, okay, let's go get foods. Plug the charger up. Chargers working. We walk into the mall, right? Food court. That's where food's at in the mall. I see Louisiana chicken, Popeyes. Everybody loves it. C.J. goes, you'll probably want that one. I said, all right. Bet. I said, careful. And so I go into the. I order the Popeyes, right? I order the Popeyes. What do they sell at Popeyes?

[A]

Chicken.

[B]

All right. I say, excuse me. I'll take three mild tenders chicken. She goes, we ran out. I said, what do you sell them? The are you selling in here? What do you have? Biscuits? What the are we doing? Is this a biscuit store? Now? Shut down the industry. If you can't have chicken, the one thing that you sell, you don't have. Shut it down.

[A]

Yeah, close life, Save the man hours, Turn off the electricity, cut down on the bill.

[B]

She goes, it'll be five minutes. And I said, I'm late, but all right. Oh, that's why I text you. I said, sorry, bro.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

And so we get. We five minutes later, I get the Popeyes chicken, right? Grab it. We're shuffling out of the mall. We go back to the charging station. Now, as you can see, today, my mind is a little scattered. I'm not all the way there today, right? So I see the first black Tesla.

[A]

I see the first black guy I saw. That's What? I thought you said that would be.

[B]

If your people said, oh, no. Like, if C.J. was telling the story.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So the first Tesla I see looks like mine. I go up to it, and I'm grabbing the charger out of. I'm in a rush, so I'm grabbing the thing. I'm trying to get it out, but it. Like, normally, if your phone's connected, it will just unlock. I'm grabbing this charger that's not going. I'm looking at C.J. like, why aren't you getting in the car? I go, cj, is this not our car? He goes, no, I said, that's his whole.

[A]

That's the thing about him. He will let you fail right in front of his eyes. He'll let you fail and then go. You should have known I wouldn't have done it. That is you. To the T. Look at him. Stupid little bouncing leg. I was walking up to the passenger side to get in, and I saw somebody sitting in the seat. What? Someone was in the car. And you let him try to take the charging port out for 10 tries? No. Then I turned, and then he's going. And I go, not in. Playing tag. And they say, hey, let's go, let's go.

[B]

So there's people in the Tesla that I was trying to get out. He didn't tell me, and so I was. I panicked. I didn't plug it all the way back in. So they're. They're not charging anymore. They're in there. They're not charging. You gotta get out of your car and charge that.

[A]

You have to fix my mistake on your car.

[B]

So I'm ducking, running back to my car. I unplug it, I drive off. Now I'm here. The chicken was raw.

[A]

Wait, you were being for real?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You had raw chicken?

[B]

They sell raw chicken at that. Popeyes.

[A]

Okay, no. First off, Louisiana. The entire state. Go to hell for that. For what they did to my boyfriend. Go to hell. Second, whoever. Who. What was that? You twitched.

[B]

It's a topic I had.

[A]

What?

[B]

It's one of the things I wanted to say to you.

[A]

You ate raw chicken?

[B]

No. We're technically boyfriends.

[A]

What? Yeah. Friends that are guys.

[B]

So you agree?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wait, isn't that crazy? Like, shut up. No. Like, I could walk up to people, introduce myself. This is my boyfriend, Cam. Like, could we start? Low key, though, right?

[A]

It's pretty bro. Or, oh, my God. We could also say partner. This is my partner. That's offensive.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

Because if people actually are partners, we are A tandem. People actually say boyfriend. You moron people. I'd venture to say more people say boyfriend than partner. Yeah, dummy. And the second thing I was gonna say, whoever killed that rat broke a charger, was eating cake. They were on acid in that. In that charging station. Someone was on serious medical grade drug. If they had a chocolate cake. No case, no cover of they mushed a rat and they broke a charger.

[B]

So we are boyfriends that were boyfriends. We are boys. Okay, Dead ass. Could we make a pact right now? To us and then the people watching. Right. You said we are.

[A]

That's there's some things that can live within you and that's got to be one of them. That doesn't need to be public. Are we friends that are males? Yes.

[B]

Boys.

[A]

Do I have a wife? Yes. Is she my lover? My sole lover? My provider and protector?

[B]

No.

[A]

No. But the first two she is now the simple statement of that is my boyfriend.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That is correct.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

We don't have to share that with everyone.

[B]

Why? What are you scared of?

[A]

I'm not scared of anything.

[B]

Then why can't you say it?

[A]

All right, go make your peck. Make your peck and I'll decide if I want to agree.

[B]

So you came to mar. Okay.

[A]

Oh, you low blow mother. You stinky idiot. You weird bastard. But I love you so much.

[B]

So if you came to Madison Square Garden with me. Oh, and we were at the last Jon Jones fight in the suite and like Mark Zuckerberg's in the suite and I go, hey, this is my boyfriend, Cam.

[A]

You'd be upset if we were talking to Mark. Mark Zuckerberg? Yeah. I wouldn't let you. I would not let you say boyfriend. Okay, next we were talking to the security guard, Thomas.

[B]

Sure. Boyfriend.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But that's not wrong. We are boyfriends.

[A]

That's okay.

[B]

We're boyfriends.

[A]

Would you say.

[B]

What?

[A]

Would you want to say you're my boyfriend? Would you want to say that to Mark Zuckerberg?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Why you?

[B]

What am I supposed to say?

[A]

Honestly? Just cuz you said that we're not boyfriend.

[B]

Okay, then what do I suppose say instead of saying this is my boyfriend? What am I supposed to say?

[A]

Hey, it's my pal Cam.

[B]

But we're more than that.

[A]

This is my business partner, Cameron.

[B]

That's all I am to you? His business partner?

[A]

No, this is my best friend Cameron.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

There you go. End it.

[B]

How many best friends do you have?

[A]

I don't really kind of stop the whole best friend hierarchy thing. I mean, if I had to say There'd be. Only be.

[B]

Okay, so there's a couple.

[A]

No. Well, there's a. There's.

[B]

There's a couple.

[A]

There's two.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Two.

[B]

Okay. I don't. I want to be one. And I want to be your boyfriend.

[A]

Her boyfriend comes into play, bro. You can't say that to random, though. You just can't.

[B]

Why, Cam?

[A]

Because you're not my boy. I don't kiss you. You're not my boyfriend.

[B]

We have to kiss to be boyfriends.

[A]

Unless you're in the sixth grade.

[B]

Are you a boy? Yeah. Are you my friend?

[A]

No. Yes. Damn it. I can't get out.

[B]

Boyfriends.

[A]

Okay. We're boyfriends. Say to the world right now, look in the camera.

[B]

You say it. I say it.

[A]

We're boyfriends. That's my boyfriend. Hi. My name's Cameron. This is my boyfriend, Peyton. The fact I did that on the Internet is crazy. What's not wrong is gonna see this in months.

[B]

He's gonna have boyfriends. He's gonna have boyfriends. I have boyfriends. He's my boyfriend.

[A]

You his boyfriend?

[B]

See? Lives my girlfriend.

[A]

He speak now. That's fine.

[B]

Your wife is my girlfriend.

[A]

No. I knew you were gonna do that.

[B]

Your wife, the mother of your children, is my girlfriend.

[A]

No, she's not. She is your friend. That is a girl.

[B]

That sounds more immature.

[A]

Distinct difference. Sounds very thought out.

[B]

Your dad is my boyfriend. Your dad's my friend. Yes. Does he have a penis? He is my boyfriend. Okay.

[A]

Okay. We're gonna go with a low blow.

[B]

Meemaw, your grandma. That's my girlfriend. Love her.

[A]

Your mom is my girlfriend. Yeah. Nice. And your dad's my boyfriend.

[B]

Yeah. Mark would be a great boyfriend.

[A]

And we're in a throuple.

[B]

Yeah. And Preston.

[A]

That made it weird.

[B]

Now you're talking about this.

[A]

That got too far.

[B]

No, I didn't mean that.

[A]

Oh, my God Almighty. Can I please.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You know how we were in Oklahoma this past week?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Can I please tell your stories? You said parents. Dude lives dad. You know, lives Dad.

[B]

I do know.

[A]

He is hilarious. He's funny. He's a OG Papa Tea.

[B]

Shout out to Puppetee.

[A]

We go to a restaurant. It's called Bricktown Brewery. You've been there?

[B]

I've been there.

[A]

Okay. It is. Basically, it's like a. It's like a better Chili's.

[B]

It's by the airport, right?

[A]

No. There's a couple. It's not just one location, but the one you're talking about. Yes.

[B]

That.

[A]

You spilled a lot. I venture to say you Spilled more than you swallowed. You get.

[B]

Lost. Proven a point to my boyfriend. We go to Bricktown, Dad. My boyfriend. No.

[A]

Oh, no. Don't know you like, don't you mean. So we go to Bricktown Brewery. It's like an American restaurant for anyone that doesn't know.

[B]

Are you.

[A]

Did I say something weird?

[B]

You said brewery. Brewery.

[A]

I can't. That's a hard word for me. Bricktown Brewery.

[B]

What?

[A]

How do you say it? It's a brewery.

[B]

A brewery.

[A]

A brewery.

[B]

Brewery, brewery, brewery.

[A]

See, now, Bricktown Brewery.

[B]

Okay, go ahead.

[A]

God, that's bad. We went to Bricktown Brewery. It's an American restaurant. You order regular stuff, right? Let me go around the table. Lives. Dad is last, right? Liv's sister. I'm gonna just do the chicken tenders and share it with my daughter.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

Okay. Liv's sister. Don't wink it.

[B]

That's my girlfriend. Yeah, that is my girlfriend in a.

[A]

Different sense for that one. Anyway, goes to live. Oh, let me get the little shrimp Alfredo. Pasta comes to me. I'm feeling burger tonight. Let me get the burger. Potato fries, right? We go around normal ass food. It gets to her dad. He goes, let me get the meatloaf. He ordered meatloaf. Swear to God. In the restaurant. Side of mashed potatoes and, like, green beans.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[A]

Dude leaves, walks away, puts the order in. This woman is walking behind us in a flowery blouse.

[B]

That's hot.

[A]

No, it's hot.

[B]

Oh, no, it wasn't.

[A]

Flowery blouse. Hey, excuse me. Can I get some more salt and lime for my beer? This lives dead.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

She goes, I'm sorry. He goes, oh, just some more salt and lime for the beer. Thank you so much. She goes, what? The random woman? She does not work there.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

You stopped a random woman.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And said, hey, can you get me some more salt and lime for my beer, please? And thank you. I really appreciate it. Random ass woman like, oh, no, it's just normal as can be. And she literally goes, what? He's like, so from a y'all saw in line for the beer, Honey, I don't work here. He goes, oh, I'm sorry about that, man.

[B]

Have a good day.

[A]

And she just walks right out.

[B]

Okay, you skipped over the part. There's two things. Ordering meatloaf.

[A]

Criminal behavior.

[B]

Criminal.

[A]

Criminal behavior.

[B]

Even more criminal. A restaurant that sells meatloaf.

[A]

I said the same thing. How do you. How do you have 20 beers on draft? Yeah. And you sell loafs of meat.

[B]

What is meatloaf?

[A]

Meatloaf is disgusting. And it belongs in prisons. And I stand by that. Why?

[B]

Your mom grew up, or you grew up a lot. Yeah.

[A]

And I hate it, Lisa. And it's not because of you, Lisa, but meatloaf is ass. There's. It's. It's a block of meat. Does that even sound appetizing?

[B]

Is there. Is there any regular food? Like, okay, so you would say meatloaf is like a regular dinner food. Sure. Like, it's a common dinner food. Is there any common dinner food that's worse than meatloaf?

[A]

Oh, okay. You. I don't know where your stance on it. Yeah, you.

[B]

You.

[A]

Tater tot casserole. I think it's disgusting. You like a tater tot casserole.

[B]

I'm not gonna lie. Never had that. Don't even know really what a casserole is.

[A]

I was about to say you never. I've never even seen you eat a casserole.

[B]

I love tater tots.

[A]

It's like a taste like casseroles, like cheese tater tots. Putting this in a glass pan baked at about 450 for a certain amount of time. And you don't like that for dinner? No.

[B]

That's fantastic.

[A]

That is not good. A tater tot casserole. That's some shit you bring to a potluck. Well, maybe you want me to make that for my family? Well, maybe put it on a dinner plate with a charger under it.

[B]

Maybe it's because I never had it, so I can't really speak on it. But you know what a common dinner that I don't like.

[A]

What?

[B]

Lasagna. I think, okay, lasagna is a very hit or miss situation.

[A]

Lasagna is hit as hell.

[B]

No, most y'all miss.

[A]

Always hit.

[B]

No, most of lasagna is missed. If I'm not getting a corner piece of lasagna, I don't want it. Keep the dish. Sorry.

[A]

No. See, that's a. That's a first world problem, and you're being a bougie bastard. Let's break lasagna down. You like noodles? No, but we can look past it. You like meat? Of course you do. You like sauce?

[B]

Yeah, of course you do.

[A]

You like cheese?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You like lasagna?

[B]

No, I don't.

[A]

75% of the dish you agree upon. 25 cents. The deal breaker. Or is it middle piece?

[B]

No. Okay, let me say. Let me say so. It depends on how you make it. And a lot of your pans smell like your cat. I'm not gonna lie. Y'all need to stop letting your. Your pets in your kitchen because a lot of yalls pans don't smell good. And that's where a lot of lasagna.

[A]

Whose pants are you sniffing? I'm just gonna kitchen cop.

[B]

Anytime somebody's got me a lasagna. I always smell the odor of your dish. And so I have a weird thing with lasagna. And I don't know if y'all lazy when y'all make lasagna or y'all just got the government assisted lasagna, but the middle shouldn't be cold. I'm not gonna lie to you. A lot of the lasagna I eat, the middle is cold as hell, brother. Cook the full damn thing is cooking.

[A]

These gotta be women that are just. Just trying to impress you. And they've. And they've. I'm saying. I didn't mean it like that. I'm saying, where are you eating this lasagna?

[B]

It's friends houses.

[A]

Friends houses. Let's go through that.

[B]

Who growing up. Oh, okay.

[A]

Been a long time.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay, so your friends have bad pans, smell bad, they're dirty cooking.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dude, when you said cat, my grandma used to make chicken spaghetti. It looked like you took your neighborhood cat and threw it in a blender.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

No, that was very orange cats. It was like if you massacred Garfield, that's what the chicken.

[B]

Stop it.

[A]

No, it's orange. But there was like.

[B]

Okay, but stop it.

[A]

She had black olives. Look like the eyeballs.

[B]

What was she making?

[A]

Chicken spaghetti.

[B]

What's chicken spaghetti?

[A]

She also made campfire donuts. Is really just like a poor donut.

[B]

But you're an advocate of lasagna. You got some good lasagna.

[A]

Lasagna fire as hell.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Breadstick on the side, glass or cabernet.

[B]

Oh, no, I've never had lasagna as a 21 and up. See, I've only lasagna's high school was the last time I had lasagna. Or maybe at a cafeteria.

[A]

The amount that you piss me off with your food takes, right? It is. It is. It's unbelievable. Why? Because you are 25.

[B]

Yes, sir.

[A]

And you only eat nice if we go to nice places.

[B]

Where else am I supposed to eat nice?

[A]

Do it on the daily where? Hey, substitute Freddy's. Go to an Olive Garden.

[B]

Olive Garden is not nice.

[A]

Don't. It's nicer than Freddy's.

[B]

No, it's really not. I think Freddy's is more expensive than Olive Garden.

[A]

First off, it's Not.

[B]

I think so.

[A]

And Olive Garden gives you the upgrade to give a $6. You can take a meal home. It's really good when you have a parent getting home late from work. I used to do that for my father in high school.

[B]

Wait, $6 for a whole meal?

[A]

Yeah. I'd go to Olive Garden with my youth.

[B]

Olive Garden is cheaper than Freddy's. It's a.

[A]

It's an add on. It's an add on. It's not just $6 for a thing of Alfred.

[B]

I'm not going to lie. Olive Garden is not that good. Can we talk about that?

[A]

I think we were honest to God growing up. And maturing is realizing Olive Garden's kind of water.

[B]

We were gypped as a kid. We were. Just because they gave you a ton of breadsticks and a lot of salad. What? Name one dish from Olive Garden that you remember that was like, damn. That was fire.

[A]

The Tour de France. Tor Francis. Fire. My God. You've never had it. I'm talking to the kid again. Name one dish. I name it. He's like, you didn't say hamburger. I didn't know what you're talking about.

[B]

That's what I eat. Cuz I'd get full on the breadsticks in the. In the, in the, in the. In the salad.

[A]

To hell with what you.

[B]

They would toss my salad in front of me. They would sit there and toss my salad.

[A]

You sit there. No, a little more.

[B]

They're sitting there tossing my salad with my family next to me at Olive Garden. You ever got your salad toss next to your family?

[A]

Nope.

[B]

Never in a. In a French ambiance restaurant. It's not French.

[A]

It's Olive Garden. It's Italian. As Italian can be. You said no French restaurant. There's no beignets.

[B]

Isn't that what you poop in your ass?

[A]

That's a bidet. Oh, a Buday.

[B]

What's a beignet?

[A]

You just asked me on the Internet. Have you ever got your salad tossed next to your family in an Olive Garden?

[B]

I got my. Dude, you ever got a good. You ever found a good salad tosser at Olive Garden?

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Would toss the. Out of my salad. The bottom would be at the top, the middle would be at the sides. Clean that whole bow. That's my favorite part. He's getting my salad toss at Olive Garden. It's the only reason I went. And you just leave feeling new. Oh, and he would tip them real good. Be like, that's for that salad tosser. Oh, you tip him yeah, yeah, he gotta tip him if you. If he tosses your salad. Like I need to text him again. I'm talking about tossing salad.

[A]

No, I know. Oh my God. I got so drunk the other night. I started. I started. I was looking up trivia and I'm a weirdo. Let's just start. Let's just start there.

[B]

Hey, you're the guy at the party there. You're like, oh, dude, I'm wasting. Let's do quizlet.

[A]

Yeah, let's start there. I literally got drunk the other night in Oklahoma. We were watching NBA. Her dad was like, hey, you want a drink? I was like, of course. Cause I'm kind of scared if I say no to you.

[B]

No, I'm kidding.

[A]

But we were sitting there drinking. The night goes on, and I'm feeling great. And at some point I looked down at my phone and there's the Texas fun facts on my phone. And I'm not 100% sure how it got there, but I read the whole website.

[B]

Wait, so you were drunk when you discovered it or the next morning you discovered it?

[A]

No, no, I was avid. I was actively drunk and I don't remember looking up. I just remember playing Clash Royale and.

[B]

Then it was on there.

[A]

I looked down and instead of an evo royal giant, there's. The Republic of Texas was founded in 1836. And I was like, all right, tell me about it. So I looked down, bro, I just have some stats for you.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I took a screenshot and I want you because you were a very non gullible guy.

[B]

No at all.

[A]

When you read. When you hear these, you're going to call bullshit on a couple of them.

[B]

Do you want me to try to debunk them?

[A]

I just want to see what you think. The entire world population could fit inside Texas, assuming the population density was the same of New York City, meaning 20, 27,000 every per square mile.

[B]

What the. Did you just think I might be drunk now? I just. What did you just say?

[A]

The Entire world population, 7.8 billion with a B, could fit into the state of Texas, assuming the population density is the same of New York city, which is 27,000 people per square mile. So you put 27,000 people every mile.

[B]

No, the whole world could fit in Texas comfortably.

[A]

No, they didn't say comfort.

[B]

No, I kind of believe it. I kind of believe. So if Texas were to wipe every building. Oh my God. Oh my God. I didn't know. There's writing on my shoulder. I thought there's a bug dead ass. That scared Me?

[A]

You said there's a caterpillar.

[B]

I don't know what it was. What'd you call it?

[A]

I'm messing up, bro. It's second Timothy.

[B]

It's a great verse. On your shoulder. I think I have that tattooed.

[A]

That is. What is that?

[B]

When that get there.

[A]

What the. Why are you.

[B]

What is happening?

[A]

What are the odds of that?

[B]

Maybe they did that on purpose.

[A]

What are the odds of that?

[B]

I think they did it on purpose.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

It's a fan shirt.

[A]

Okay, but when they see your chest.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

I said you got second Timothy on your shoulders. I think I got it.

[B]

What a coincidence, huh? Hell of a coincidence.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

But as I was saying, yes. If you were to wipe out all his texts, like the buildings and stuff, and he just put a bunch of people like Sardine together, I think it could happen. I believe that one. Okay, here we go.

[A]

El Paso is closer to the Pacific Ocean than it is to Texarkana, Texas.

[B]

I believe that 100% Texarkana is way up there. But El Paso, there's a part of Texas. No. Oh, no.

[A]

Past Los Angeles, there's a part of Texas. Oh, that would clear LA before it hits the other side of our own state.

[B]

That's insane.

[A]

That's how big Texas is.

[B]

A big state.

[A]

If Texas was its own country, it would be the 40th largest out of the 193 in the world. Bigger than every country in Europe.

[B]

I heard that. Yep.

[A]

King Ranch is the largest ranch in Texas and in the entire United States. At 1200 square miles, it is bigger than the state of Rhode island alone.

[B]

Wait, that's. That's right here. Right? That's where they filmed Dallas.

[A]

King Ranch. I believe so, yeah.

[B]

No. Can't be.

[A]

I don't know. No, there's no way there's that much equity.

[B]

There's not that. There's not Rhode island of the street. No. Rhode island is there.

[A]

It's all your islanders. Suck it.

[B]

No, not go. I. We drove through that little weird ass part of the country for tour. It was like Delaware ham. New Jersey. Hampshire.

[A]

Hampshire.

[B]

The one that Joe Biden's from.

[A]

New Hampshire. The old one. The new one.

[B]

Dominican Republic.

[A]

Not.

[B]

Nope. One of the little ones.

[A]

No, that'd be Rhode Island.

[B]

Idaho. No, there's an eye.

[A]

There's a Maine.

[B]

Maine.

[A]

And we didn't go to Maine.

[B]

Oh, yeah, we did.

[A]

We did not go to Maine.

[B]

You have to go to Maine to get to D.C. cJ, you weren't there.

[A]

Maine's the Highest point of our country. Main mains up there. We did not go to me.

[B]

Okay. Anyway, we were driving through there, right? And we would drive through these whole states, like 30 minutes. I'd be like, let's knock it down. Just knock this whole thing down.

[A]

Make them one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

New Eastern state.

[B]

Yeah, I think a lot of those are pointless. Love y'all, though. Thank you. We'll see on tour.

[A]

But we have a bar. We have a barn bigger than y'all, bitch.

[B]

Mmm. Okay, wait. Can I say something real quick? And I do like these facts, but I'm.

[A]

No, I'm sorry.

[B]

Okay, keep going.

[A]

No, go. I'm saying I'm sorry.

[B]

For what? Me doing what?

[A]

Never mind. I thought that was going a different place. Continue.

[B]

No. Oh, that's what that does. I can sit up now. No, I want to be lower.

[A]

Shoot.

[B]

I need to go back home.

[A]

Yeah, no, you need to go home. Home.

[B]

It really pissed piss out of me.

[A]

God, you're sweating. You're crying. Okay, get to what you needed to say.

[B]

I've been hallucinating. When I wake up, it's dead ass. I've been happening. It happened. It's been happening a lot. I started at Kane's house.

[A]

I want you to continue, but just know that I was going to tell you. Did I hallucinated this week?

[B]

Damn. Yeah.

[A]

Go. Go for it.

[B]

Dead ass.

[A]

Go for it.

[B]

Okay, first. So it started. We were in Tennessee. We were staying at Kane Brown's house. Oh. So I was sleeping, right? We're all in that same room. Oh, what?

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah, we were.

[A]

Yes. Yes.

[B]

Then what?

[A]

I said, oh, not no.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Oh, okay. Go for it.

[B]

So I was sleeping, and I always wake up in the middle of my sleep. I never get a good night's rest.

[A]

Yeah, I'm tired. That's troublesome already.

[B]

And so the first night, you know, I was facing Yalls bunks, right? Everybody's bunks is over here. And there's a lot in that room. There's so much happening in that room. A lot of things. Standing and sitting.

[A]

Sure. There's three people dead asleep.

[B]

So I woke up. I woke up at like 4:45. And I looked and I could have sworn I saw a horse head standing over your bed. I swear to God. And I literally was like this. And normally, you know, you can blink and, like, go like that and it will go away. I kept going and it was still there. And I was like, there's a horse in here. And I was going like this. And I was scooting back on the bed. And then I like literally started like moving outside the bed. And then I think it was just a pole and someone was hanging off of it. And it did look like a horse. So I said I'm not crazy about that. But then two nights ago, I woke up to a little girl at the end of my bed. Swear to God. No, swear to God. You know the tree? I put my. Am I in my room?

[A]

Tree room. You have a tree in your plane? The plant. Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Different.

[B]

So I Woke up at 5. I woke up at 5:45.

[A]

Seeing shit now.

[B]

Fear and shit. I woke up at 5: 45. Right. I wake up and right there in the trees there. And it literally looked like a little girl with long hair. And she was like looking at me. And I was. I started doing like that and I jumped back and I kept doing like this. But I wore my contacts for three weeks straight. So I couldn't really like wipe my eyes to make it go away. And so this little ass girl, mach her ass. Like she was right there, but. And then it was just a tree.

[A]

You're seeing girls and horse?

[B]

Yeah, I'm really scared to wake up.

[A]

Al Capone. Who are you?

[B]

What he.

[A]

Do you see?

[B]

Prohibition, right? Mobster. Yes, that's what I've heard.

[A]

The mob, though.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're seeing. What are you gonna see? Money? Next?

[B]

Maybe that's what the rat was. They were sending me a message.

[A]

Oh my God. You're being followed.

[B]

Oh my God. I don't care if they do take me.

[A]

No, don't say that. No, don't say that. We all care. We don't want you to go.

[B]

Me neither.

[A]

We don't want you to go. Say, I don't want to go.

[B]

I don't want to go unless you take me to Miami.

[A]

I don't want to go.

[B]

I don't want to go. Unless you take me to Miami or Columbia. That'd be pretty fun.

[A]

No, that wouldn't. You'd be. Your head would be bagged. You'd be in the back of like a Ford Focus. And you wake up in the desert, but naked.

[B]

Who do you think would do better if we got kidnapped?

[A]

Hundred percent. Me.

[B]

I think they would like me more.

[A]

They would like you, cuz you'd be easy as shit.

[B]

What do you mean I'd be easy? You.

[A]

You. First off, one of your biggest fears is being kidnapped.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You're gonna have to me up to get me in that car. That's all I'm gonna say. I'm giving every ounce. Yes, of energy, of fight that I've ever had. My body, it has all been saved for this one moment because I'm a passive guy. It has all been saved for this. There's no. You have to tase me, shoot me, tranquilize me for me to even get in.

[B]

Okay, but say you're already you. They got you.

[A]

You'll be like. You'd literally, like, help. They just stuff your ass in the car. Wait, help? And they just take it, toss you in the trunk. And then you just be sitting there. I'd be. The muffler would fall off on the interstate. I'd literally be going banging on. Okay, but you say you not going out.

[B]

You wouldn't do well being kid. If they take you out, they'd be like, he's too much of a problem.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

I'm not going to be that much. I want to be alive. I'm going to learn. What you want. You want money? You want my parents? Take them.

[A]

Hey, if first off, wow. Hope you all heard that. Hey, if they're kidnapping you, you need to be alive. That's kind of the reason of kidnapping.

[B]

Yeah. No, but if you're causing a scene, like you breaking their muffler, they're going to be like, oh, he's better off gone papa.

[A]

And then they go, papa. From their boss Papa. You don't have someone just to kill him. You kidnap them because you need information.

[B]

So maybe you're just a pawn in their game. You're not. Maybe they needed you to get somebody else. But they can still get to somebody else going through you.

[A]

The only person they could get through that's higher than me through me is you. So they'd kill me to get mama Live. Mama live. What they want from her griping? What do they want from her? Decorations and complaints.

[B]

I love you, you recipe.

[A]

You would suck you. Oh, Mark would kill them all. Yeah, Mark could get rid of them.

[B]

I would suck you Defend your.

[A]

No, no. You tell me why I would be worse, and I'm gonna tell you.

[B]

You okay? I would be better. Because I would comply. I say, yes, sir. No, sir. Yes, ma'am. No, ma'am. I'm listening. See, you are. You have the control. I am bonded. Like now. Bondage. No, you not the kind that I like. This is not sanctioned in the bedroom. I don't want to do this in the back of my van.

[A]

There's no red glowing lights.

[B]

Yeah. So I'm tied up in the back of this van. Look, I'm tied. They got me. There's not much I can do at this point. I'm gonna just listen to you, right? And so exactly. If I'm just screaming, causing a scene, it's taking energy away from me. I don't know when the next time I'm getting food or water is. Let me conserve. I'm becoming fasted. I'm fasting myself, holistic energy. And so now, because now I don't know how long they can have me. I can just get my power from the sun, like that's all I can use now. They're not going to feed me sunflower seeds, right? So I'm tied up in the back of their van, right? All tight and stuff. And I'm just like, I pray they don't want my butt. So that's all I'm worried about. Just don't get my butt.

[A]

And so take my butt. You can't have my butt.

[B]

And I get a little car sick. So I might ask them for a throw.

[A]

Yeah, you might vomit. Hey, you got some anti acids. Hey, you got a Zantac? Shut the fuck.

[B]

And so I'll just like, I'll just like chill. Like I'm not gonna cause a problem. They're gonna be like, wow, this I'd be like a good baby. Like, I'd be like, he doesn't cry much. Doesn't really wake us up in the middle of the night.

[A]

I think it's opposite. I think when you become scared, you become jitterish. When you become jitters, you speak.

[B]

I do so what?

[A]

This is so much conviction, you and I do. I do. So scared leads to jitters, jitters leads to speaking. Speaking leads to annoyance.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So they're gonna have you bounded in a chair, butt naked, shriveled, penis eyes, one of them black, the other one covered. You're gonna be sitting there naked, alone, afraid.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And then you're gonna be so jittery and anxious, you're gonna start speaking. But you have no clue what the room even looks like. So you're just gonna ask random things. Hey, has John Cena one yet? Do you mind turning on the game? And then they're gonna become very annoyed with you. You're gonna try to crack a couple jokes. Hey, I got money. I know a couple people. I can get what you need. But then they're going to hate you. You think they're going to love you. They're going to hate you. No, see, you're going to respect my game. They're going to respect the craft of being kidding.

[B]

No, they're going to Be tired of you going out.

[A]

I'm going. I'm going for it.

[B]

They're going to be tired of you kicking them around and trying to fight when they know you're going to lose and they're just going to use all their taser juice on you.

[A]

No.

[B]

And you know, you don't know me because I'm not going to talk if I'm around people I don't know. I'm silent. I don't care how nervous I am.

[A]

Not when you're butt naked and blindfolded.

[B]

Be like.

[A]

And you could smell like a branding iron.

[B]

Like this. Impressive, no? Is it what you thought?

[A]

You go, wait, no.

[B]

It's a big fear of mine.

[A]

There's. Exactly. And I'm not even afraid if. Let me. Okay. Like I kidnapped to be terrifying.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I'm not going out. And the fact that I am fighting so much is going to give me longevity on the back end because they know. What are you laughing? What are you laughing at? My lazy eye.

[B]

No.

[A]

What are you laughing at?

[B]

You can head butt this shit out of something.

[A]

I would. What the. They just pass out. I'm like, no, wait, at least just let me shut my. Right here to their nose. Now he's bleeding, leaking. I take the toothpick that I always carry. I undo my handcuffs. They're there.

[B]

Referring to your siblings.

[A]

I go, okay. No. Oh my God. You get sexual when you're tired.

[B]

What?

[A]

You get sexually deprived when you are sleeping. You and I were not. Yes or no? Oh, your ass is in the hot seat, brother. Go ahead and put that little ball.

[B]

Why did he just say.

[A]

He knows it. He knows it.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, shut up. Yes or no? When I call you late at night and you're tired, yes or no? Do you show me sacred areas of your body with. With.

[B]

That's not fair.

[A]

Without asking.

[B]

This unfair.

[A]

Without asking.

[B]

It's cuz.

[A]

Without hinting toward.

[B]

It's because the reaction. Because you like it. Oh my God. You do it first.

[A]

No. You willingly and openly show me your body. Stop, Stop. That was a hell of an echo. Stop. You get sexual when you're tired.

[B]

It's not when I'm tired.

[A]

It's like you yawn and you get a bit of an erection. They're like. They're one in one.

[B]

Because you're boring on the phone and I got it. Like, I gotta make this fun for somebody so I just show you my naked body. You know like when you go like this to a kid and they laugh. It's like when I Show you my. You're like.

[A]

I go, oh, no. But we need to fix that.

[B]

Do you not. Okay. Would you rather me never show you my naked body again or never facetime me again? Answer it. Shut the hell up then. Thanks.

[A]

Yeah. I like FaceTiming you. Not for that, but I like FaceTiming you. I like it. Can we play a game?

[B]

I love game.

[A]

Do you love game?

[B]

I love game.

[A]

You love game?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You have the one game?

[B]

Yes. Which game are we playing?

[A]

I hate you. We're gonna play a game called the adjective game. Okay.

[B]

Oh, my God. We did that on Patreon.

[A]

Patreon. But now it's just you and me.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

No more, right? It's.

[B]

The you should know podcast. This episode is brought to you by our friends at PDS Debt.

[A]

Honest to God, no one wants to talk about the cold hard truth, but the cold hard truth about debt is it's real.

[B]

It is.

[A]

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[B]

Look how deep I can get.

[A]

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[B]

That does not sound fun.

[A]

This year, it could be you, it could be me, could be us. We don't know could be we.

[B]

But there's one way to solve that, isn't there?

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

All right, so we played this on Patreon. That was already. I was with our whole crew, and we used. We used a lot of nice words. We did the very end.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Complete opposite game today.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

It's you versus me. Me versus you. Complete negative adjectives.

[B]

Okay, so you're gonna read an adjective, right?

[A]

Yes, I am reading an adjective. I'm gonna say 3, 2, 1. And we say if it better fits you or me.

[B]

Okay, Bet. I think I'm gonna. I'm gonna win. Is there a winner?

[A]

There Could. Yeah, yeah, Whoever.

[B]

Whoever cries last. Yeah, no, whoever.

[A]

Whoever goes home with any dignity. They won.

[B]

Okay? I don't have any.

[A]

Mm. I'm already. I'm already running low too. Here we go. Brainless. Brainless. Three, two, one.

[B]

Cam. You're okay. No, no, no, no, no. Let me explain. Absolutely Internet perspective. They're going to thank me because they. The clips get twisted and they take me out of context. They don't know me. If they knew you, they would call you brainless.

[A]

No shot.

[B]

Cam, you are. You are a airhead on a day to day basis. What? Cam, you are like a 4 year old in a 34 year old's body.

[A]

Sometimes. I'm not 34, first off. And sometimes you are completely absent from yourself Whenever I'm going through depression. No, no, no, no, no. There could be normal things and you're just like.

[B]

No, I'm not. Name one. When I'm anxious, I lose control of my hands and feet. That's fine. Who cares? So what? Don't eat them.

[A]

You do. That's not even what I'm talking about. You can be brainless sometimes. Like you would just completely forget things. You will misplace. How many times has he lost his phone, his wallet, anything? I don't know where I put it.

[B]

Did.

[A]

It was right here. It's gotta be here somewhere. Let me check the inside cameras on my vehicle because I take care of.

[B]

Y'All all the time.

[A]

Holy shit.

[B]

That has nothing to do with that.

[A]

That has nothing to do with me. You lose your own shit.

[B]

Okay, this is cam 99% of the time. Dude, the new skeleton army.

[A]

That's not brainless.

[B]

Somebody's talking to him for 30 seconds to 30 minutes, trying to get his attention. Cam. Cam. Don't do the licks here. Cam. Dude. What? I've been talking to you. No, you haven't. Dude, I've been playing. Sorry. Give me 10 seconds of my life. Is anybody else hungry? That's Cam.

[A]

Okay. Okay.

[B]

Here's Peyton. Here's Peyton. Hey, P. P. Hey, P. Hey, Bait.

[A]

Wait, you need.

[B]

You need something, bro?

[A]

Oh, I was calling your name for about a minute. Oh, sorry. You.

[B]

That's you. You. Bro, I will.

[A]

I will at least be playing a game. She will literally just not love someone else. And you don't care enough to be responsive. That kills me.

[B]

And then.

[A]

Oh, hey, I was supposed to be. I was supposed to be there 10 minutes ago. I can't find my wallet.

[B]

It'll take me like five minutes.

[A]

One hour later. Do you know the. My Wallet is, man. I think you have it. I'm like, how the Do I have your wallet? I never have your wallet. Put it in the same spot every time, you idiot. He always leaves that and then blames. He always blames somebody else. You're crying. All right, brainless. Brainless. Cj, do you have a. You can be either the tiebreaker, or it'll be a tie. Tie breaker, be a tie, and it's fine. You're. We both do. We agree that he has an honest that he can speak on. All right, go. Three, two, one. All right, here we go. Brainless. I'm a loser.

[B]

That was so funny.

[A]

I'm gonna lose the second one. Boring. Three, two, one. Pain. No, I'm just kidding. It's me. It's me.

[B]

Guys. Like, I had my first piece of sugar when I was 33, dude. I haven't walked outside of my own since I was 17. It's like, dude, I wasn't allowed to watch Tyler Perry movies till I was in college. You kidding me?

[A]

Hey. Okay. Even though I voted, me. You have a case for boring, too. Sometimes. Sometimes I call you. And this. He's so. He's. He's so engulfed in doing nothing that he gets mad at someone else for it. I go, hey, bro, what's up? You were like, what do you want? Like, you won't even share with me what you're doing. I'm like, what are you doing right now? You go, what the do you want, Cam? What do you want from me? Like, bro, what are you doing? You just go, all right, bro. I'm literally about to hang up. It's like you're. You're doing so much, much of nothing that you're, like, embarrassed to say it or something. What is it?

[B]

I just want to be in doing nothing. I feel that phone call is doing something, so I'm just like, let me go back to my nothing.

[A]

I feel that it's.

[B]

What. I'm checked out of the world. Like, I forget I'm on, dude, but.

[A]

Those are the best times.

[B]

That's why I want to be in.

[A]

It when you're so checked out. Okay, here we go.

[B]

Here we go. You made me sound like an.

[A]

Hey, I'm not making anything up, but it's all out of love. It's all out of love.

[B]

I don't do it to anybody else but Cam and cj.

[A]

It's all out of love.

[B]

Okay, Shit.

[A]

All right, next one. Ready?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

First off, so it's 1:1.

[B]

I think it's 1:1.

[A]

I won the first one. You say we go.

[B]

This is the funniest game.

[A]

Next one. The word is heartless. Three, two, one. Peyton. You're heartless. You are absolutely.

[B]

No, you know, it's you.

[A]

How? I have literally. I have been nicknamed St. Vincent.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

They. I am a very warm man.

[B]

You are. You are. But you lack empathy. You do lack empathy for strangers.

[A]

That. That's because if I know you. If. Okay. If I don't know you, I still love you.

[B]

You're heartless to strangers.

[A]

I make. No, no, no. I make. And you're heartless to the ones you love.

[B]

How my heartless work.

[A]

You'll literally be like, I can't do no. Okay. Not gonna save the story, because I can't. But, you know, if something. If someone crosses you instead of the biblical way we were instructed to do, forgive, appreciate, and love thy neighbor as thyself, you will be like, I hope they absolutely fly off of a bridge in a Dodge Durango and their car explodes. And then like, you can get heartless. You can get. What is it? It's not heart full.

[B]

No. If they did something to me, they deserve something back to them.

[A]

You don't always have to get your retribution. No, that is the bigger thing. Like Uncle Ben with great responsibility.

[B]

Yeah. What are you talking about? I'm not Harley's. No, Cam. You are. No Cam.

[A]

You are hard.

[B]

When you and Ryan get together in a public setting and you see somebody that is maybe not particularly.

[A]

I've already admitted that's bad. It is my natural comedic bone. If there's a quick joke, if there's low hanging fruit. Hey, I'm hungry. I'm a big back. I'm grabbing the fruit.

[B]

He came as more harlots. Because he'll just. He'll dog on a stranger. As to the friends, he'll say it.

[A]

You act like you don't think the same thing in your head.

[B]

I think it.

[A]

So then we're not better.

[B]

Yes, I am.

[A]

No, you.

[B]

I have the heart to not say. And I'll be like, God forgive me for these thoughts. You'll be like, look at that.

[A]

No, I don't. No, I don't. I really do need to stop that. And the best part is if you know me and you actually know me, you know, I mean no harm.

[B]

No, he cracks jokes.

[A]

I just crack jokes constantly.

[B]

But I think I won that, to be honest. You thought you were going to win that.

[A]

Okay, I'll give that. You're up.

[B]

Just because somebody crosses me, they. They are going to get their Curmudgeons.

[A]

That. That's still not a word you don't know. Next word. Here we go. Grouchy. Three, two, one. Peyton. Absolute, absolutely, unequivocally grouchy as you.

[B]

Okay. Name sometimes. I've been grouchy every day.

[A]

Every day. How If. Oh, my God. If the slightest inconvenience goes wrong, you are pissed.

[B]

You're.

[A]

You're ready to box. You're ready to curse someone.

[B]

You win can get grab.

[A]

Name an example if something wrong here happens. If something wrong at the house happens.

[B]

Name something.

[A]

If some. If a small inconvenience. If I. If I show up. Oh, my God. If I show up to a TikTok live that didn't have a set time. He didn't say we're on at 11:05. He just said, hey, I'm getting on now, and I Show up at 11:05. 1106. Oh, look who's late again. Give it up for Cam. Big late, big back, fat back late. Idiot. Here he is, Pig lady. Those here. If something goes wrong. If.

[B]

I don't think I'm that grouchy. I think. I think if I'm prompted to be upset at something, I get upset.

[A]

Oh, I would agree with that. But I think it happens. I think it happens often, so I'm not gonna lie.

[B]

Live was here.

[A]

I'm not gonna lie. You didn't have a single point against me. So I think we win.

[B]

I'm lucky Liv's not here.

[A]

I think I win. What would Liv say you.

[B]

Cuz she do Say she. Oh, I do declare. She does.

[A]

Gotta go.

[B]

She does say you are grouchy. You do get grouchy sometimes.

[A]

Very rarely.

[B]

No, it's actually not too rare. It's whenever. Cuz your thing.

[A]

Yeah, whenever.

[B]

It's not like something doesn't go how you think. You're just like. You lose it.

[A]

I do. And I admit to that fully.

[B]

Yeah, I. So. And that happens more than what I have?

[A]

Hell no.

[B]

Well, if y'all didn't mess up, I wouldn't be.

[A]

Are you nuts? See, right there, deflecting. Okay, Grouchy me. That's two to two, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yeah, I think so. No, it was two to one.

[A]

It was two to one. No, I won the first one. You won two in a row.

[B]

Okay. Yeah.

[A]

And I won that one. Last one. Tiebreaker. Here we go.

[B]

Yeah. And I'm joking.

[A]

We're all joking. We love each other. All right, last word. Who is more ghoulish? Like a ghoul.

[B]

What's A ghoul like a goblin.

[A]

Ghoul like a goblin. Like a creep who's nowhere nasty.

[B]

Orc. Like, who's more nasty?

[A]

Nasty. Weird. Freaky.

[B]

Okay. Who's more nasty?

[A]

3, 2, 1. You. 100.

[B]

No, no, no. Don't take podcast jokes.

[A]

There's no shot. I'm not taking podcasts.

[B]

You're taking podcast jokes.

[A]

No, I'm taking real life. I know real life.

[B]

What do I do in real life?

[A]

What do you do in real life? You are an absolute goblin.

[B]

How?

[A]

You sleep with knives in your bed.

[B]

Creep. You're gross.

[A]

Burgers on your own chest. You scratch your genital and you'll be like, dude, my breath smells like pico de gallo and love making. And you say shit like that? You are a goblin. There's no doubt in my mind you're a goblin, Cam.

[B]

You take pictures of your fecal matter and send it in group chats with your friends.

[A]

There's more people that do that than don't know.

[B]

There's not. No, there is not.

[A]

That's just considered gross. That's not goblin. That's you.

[B]

You said gross. Nasty. That's gross. Nasty. Okay.

[A]

That's gross.

[B]

Okay. That. Cam, you snot rocket in public on people. Oh, no.

[A]

My God. You hate people.

[B]

You have no manners. You have no manners. You spit everywhere.

[A]

I do it in a napkin.

[B]

You spit everywhere.

[A]

Spit on concrete. I do that in a napkin.

[B]

Cam doesn't wash his hands. That's it. That's it. You don't wash your hands.

[A]

Yes, I do.

[B]

You don't. You don't check out. If you're done wiping, you're walking around mud. But 24, 7. That's why you're always buying new drawers.

[A]

You buy new draw. You. Instead of doing laundry, he buys new clothes.

[B]

Because my laundry machine doesn't work.

[A]

They have places for that called the laundromat.

[B]

Kidding me?

[A]

Yeah. Oh, oh, oh, oh. You ghoul.

[B]

You think I'm gonna leave. I have expensive clothes. I'm gonna leave that in a laundry room.

[A]

You have expensive clothes, but you have seven months worth of food in your house. Trash everywhere. Ghoul. Oh, my God.

[B]

That's cj.

[A]

So you were CIA spotless before ratboy came?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Holy shit.

[B]

You were spotless before you came like a spotless monkey.

[A]

What are all those. What are all those weird stains that pop up on your wall with black light? What are those?

[B]

That is not. That's not me. You know what that's from? You know what those stains are from? That's not My stains, Cam, you know those stains. Not my stains. There's not my stains.

[A]

There's reason for your reason.

[B]

Who washes her hands when we.

[A]

Me.

[B]

Can you pick your nose?

[A]

Because if there's a booger, that's gross. What am I supposed to do?

[B]

Just get a napkin, a tissue, like an adult, like you're taught in preschool, Clean it.

[A]

I wasn't taught that. But if I pick it, I get rid of it on a napkin.

[B]

No, you don't.

[A]

Yes, I do.

[B]

I remember the side of Rhonda.

[A]

Ball it up and put in my pocket and save it for later.

[B]

What do you mean, no?

[A]

I don't remember the side. Let it crust on my finger.

[B]

I remember the side of Rhonda. I remember her.

[A]

The side of Rhonda.

[B]

Gross.

[A]

Thus. So, first off, you were in my passenger seat. How the. My boogers over there.

[B]

I've never. I've never driven your car.

[A]

What are you talking about? If there was boogers and shit in my passenger, no one spent more time in the pasture than you, you creepy goblin ghoul head to you. You.

[B]

I've never driven your car.

[A]

You get erections around me in your red basketball shorts. When we were roommates and you opened the door.

[B]

That was not because of you.

[A]

I knocked, and you opened the door.

[B]

No, Cam, you were creep.

[A]

I saw something that I know.

[B]

No, we can say this story.

[A]

I saw something I was not supposed to see that.

[B]

We can see that story. We can say that story.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

I was talking to that girl. Yeah, and she stayed in that room for, like, a week. You knew she was in there?

[A]

I had to use my bathroom. You had the bathroom in your room. All I had was Black Ops 4 and my hats that I had on the wall using thumbtacks. I had my Turtle beach headset on. I was playing the game. I got up, I had to pee, and little did I know, somebody rocking, knocking the boots. And you answered the door, bricked up with shorts on and no undies. And that is your fault, not mine. You could say, hey, bro, go downstairs. You could have given me a warning. You just said, what's up? And I said, ah, no, it's because.

[B]

I thought, no, it's not my fault. Cause you knew she didn't live at that campus, so she would only come on those weekends. And you know what happened on the weekends? We didn't see each other. We missed each other.

[A]

So I'm not allowed to piss my own. What if I had to brush my teeth, use some deodorant? I lose my human rights.

[B]

Be a dog.

[A]

I use my human rights. Because you're being a dog.

[B]

You're supposed to be a dog. Or college.

[A]

What are you knocking boots 10 hours a day? They're supposed to be quick sessions and get her out. I'm kidding. That's bad.

[B]

It's supposed to be lived in their room with us, Kim.

[A]

Supposed to be. Supposed to be a little bit of sex, a little bit of Netflix. You were just sex.

[B]

No, I don't. We watch prisoners on dvd.

[A]

Oh, my God. You had a DVD player. You had a fridge TV and you had a Sony DVD player. Where the hell was that at the whole time?

[B]

Under the bed. Under the bed where all my snacks and ibuprofen's were.

[A]

How long was your HDMI cord? Under the DVD player? Was cooked up to the TV that was 8ft away from your bed. Elevated surface and it was connected. You had a portable DVD player, one that opened like a laptop in the 90s. Why? It was like 2019. Yet Netflix on your TV and you have a portable DVD player.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Over. What is that gonna do? Hey, let's go watch DVDs.

[B]

I miss her, bro. She's married now.

[A]

She is married.

[B]

Still.

[A]

Husband's up. Nah, that's back to the empathy. And I'm sorry, but is she still married? Let's just say you look better. No, she is very much married. Popped up on my feed the other day.

[B]

Oh, really? Yep. Useful far.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Camp host. All my exes. Let's put that out there.

[A]

No, I don't. No, I don't.

[B]

No. No. Never one of them. No, you do follow all them.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yes, you do.

[A]

No.

[B]

Who do you not follow? Don't say the name.

[A]

Main one.

[B]

Oh. Swear to God. Oh, yeah, that's different because I have the. Because I OG OG and then her.

[A]

But y'all weren't never like.

[B]

Okay, but you had great. She was blocked.

[A]

You had great feelings for. But, you know, you said. Oh, God. Oh, my gosh. Oh, man. Okay, that was the additive game. That was absolutely hilarious. And I think to continue to tease people and squeeze their nipples. I think it's only right that we solve one case here today of.

[B]

Dr. P, Dr. P, Dr. P, Dr. P. The you should know podcast. This episode is brought to you by our friends at Fume. Have you heard that the flavored air category is quickly becoming the leading alternative to vaping and smoking? Sure have. It's a whole new movement towards better habits led by the sponsor of today's episode, Fume.

[A]

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[A]

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[A]

All right. Greetings, ladies and gentlemen. We're back again with another segment of the greatest love doctor in the world, Dr. P.

[B]

More claps.

[A]

Clap your hand. Clap your hands. He asked for claps.

[B]

Quicker ones on yours. Quicker.

[A]

Hey, it was a bit much.

[B]

Apologies.

[A]

I used to be a circus boy. Apologize.

[B]

That's where we found you. The circus circus.

[A]

You saved me. You saved my soul. Save our ship. Sos.

[B]

Too much talking already.

[A]

Already.

[B]

So if you don't know already, for the people that aren't on Patreon, I have my own show over on Patreon and the first episode of it has come out and it was about 35, 40 minutes long. A lot has happened. As you can see on fourth camera, we're missing one of our students.

[A]

Yes, right.

[B]

He misbehaved.

[A]

He said, oh, I'm so sorry again, Lord.

[B]

Honestly, not your time.

[A]

You're right.

[B]

And once I'm done explaining, then you.

[A]

Go, yep, you're right.

[B]

He wasn't behaving last time. If you want to go see it, it's a wild episode. Secretary Kim got spanked on his behalf. So anything you want to say now?

[A]

No, I did. I actually don't recall spanking. I just remember a massive fall in the parking garage and my bung hurt. There's no spanking, Lord. You did exactly what you supposed to.

[B]

Yeah, I know. No, I know. Are you trying to. I don't need your approval to tell me. No, you're right.

[A]

No, no, no. You're always right. Yeah.

[B]

So how are we feeling about him apart?

[A]

That was my better pupil. Anyway. I told you he had more promise. He finished top of his class. That was a bit much.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[A]

That was much.

[B]

Are you feeling confident? May I speak?

[A]

God. See, he remembered. He said, honest to God, he directly spoke to you. So he obviously wants to respond. He doesn't waste his time speaking to the walls. So if he speaks, you immediately respond when he does not speak to you, when you ask for permission. Continue. Lord.

[B]

Yes?

[A]

What? Speak.

[B]

What's wrong?

[A]

Are you mute?

[B]

Speak. Get him out.

[A]

Wipe that stupid smirk off your bum little face. Can you repeat the question, please?

[B]

I honestly forgot the question. Me too. You made the doctor. Why is he speaking? He made the doctor forget his question. Secretary, what did I ask?

[A]

Not only have you made sire forget his own thoughts, which. That in itself is remarkable. But you don't remember the question. You're starting to piss me off. Like the little freckle we kicked out last week. And you better watch it. And you get awfully red when you do that stupid smirk. And I don't want to see you next time wear fucking pants. Your calves are way too big. You have too big of calf muscles to be in the position you're sitting in. You will wear your pants and you will show up on time. And for God's sake, if you forget one more time, I will literally stick you with a wooden spike and you will never forget again. Do you understand?

[B]

Yes, sir.

[A]

I won't forget again.

[B]

Who's I calling you sir?

[A]

I'm not the f. Sir. He's Sir. I'm Guy to you. I am Guy. Headmaster, Secretary. Yeah, what else he is the. What the was that? What'd you just say? You went to American University, didn't you? That's slang.

[B]

Do you have your else. Hey, who has the question for me, him or him?

[A]

It. It's me.

[B]

You.

[A]

It's me.

[B]

Okay, read me the question. Yes, I heard him speak too much. He's gonna be with the freckled guy in a little bit.

[A]

Stupid. Here we go.

[B]

We're gonna replace him with the freckled guy. Next one is he you.

[A]

Hey, did you just. Before I get him to the highly gracious himself. You were speaking down to the quest giver himself. This man is a sage and you are quite literally equivalent to the bubble gum he stepped on on his way into the office. You do not speak unless spoken to. You do not drink unless given water. And for God's sake, you better go a week without eating food because you live, breathe and die for the very spot you're sitting in now, do I need remind you? 7,000 applicants, and you and Freckle were chosen for whatever godforsaken reason, and you are now bollocking on your position. You sit there, you digest what is spoken about, and then you speak when spoken to.

[B]

Is that understood? Do you.

[A]

Oh, my God. I'm sorry.

[B]

Is that understood?

[A]

Understood?

[B]

Understood, sir.

[A]

Lord.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

There we go.

[B]

All right, Dr. P, you got a question? Why is your. Why is your. Why is your shirt in the shot?

[A]

What do you. You don't have to pay me for this week. I promise you. I've been mistaken. I was worried about the pupil. I didn't think your account must have lied.

[B]

You haven't paid you in a year. Here you go.

[A]

Yeah, well, I don't know where I'm getting that money. Then you still owe the bookie shilling. Here we go. Dear do. This is from Naseem rahem. Dear Dr. P, I have a girlfriend.

[B]

Wait.

[A]

Yes, sir.

[B]

Ask again.

[A]

Dear Dr. P, hello, I have a girlfriend, but I also like another girl.

[B]

That's all right.

[A]

Who lives across the country. Oh, my feelings for the girl who lives across the country are significantly stronger than my current girlfriend.

[B]

Oh, shit.

[A]

What do I do?

[B]

Doctor, I think this is a simple case. I've had hard cases in my life. You know, I'm the best love doctor in the world.

[A]

The greatest the world's ever seen. You are.

[B]

Thank you. I think this is a case of you want what you can't. Have you ever been a kid?

[A]

Yes, I was. Yes.

[B]

Too many words. And. And in the kitchen, there's that cookie jar right on top of there. You don't even like cookies. There's the. There's raisin cookies in there.

[A]

It's raisin cookies. You grew up on raisin cookies? Lord, that's the shittiest cookie of them all. But if you like.

[B]

That's my point I'm trying to make. Oh, there's. There's raisin cookies. You don't even like those in oatmeal raisins. The best cookie ever made. Oh, yeah. Thank you. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Yeah. My job seems to be coming more challenging. I tried to correct him, but you stood with him, so I ended up correcting yourself. Yeah, right.

[B]

Raisin there. You ever been a kid? You had raisin oatmeal cookies on the top of Your grandma's counter. But you're too little to go get them. You don't even like those cookies. But they were up there and they looked so appetizing. Because you couldn't get them.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

He can't get that girl across the seas. The girl he's with. Bad sex, breath, stinks, nags too much.

[A]

Permission to speak?

[B]

Don't make me get the belt.

[A]

Me or him?

[B]

You.

[A]

Dear God.

[B]

Now you made the doctor lose a train of thought.

[A]

Oh, I was never one for trains. No, I'm just gonna hold it. Okay.

[B]

You let me know if you want to feel it again.

[A]

I agree. Yes.

[B]

So it's just a case of you want what you can't have the girls overseas. The girl next to him stinks. That is crazy.

[A]

No way. No way.

[B]

What the. It's just a case of what you want. You. You. It's just a case if you want what you can't have.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

He doesn't really like that girl over there. He just hates his girlfriend now, and she's appealing because she's all the way over there and can't annoy him. What do you have to say about that?

[A]

I was going to say a woman with bad coitus and rotten molars is never good. Never good. If you've got bad sex and bad teeth, then it's never. It's just not a good baseline foundation for relationship.

[B]

It is true.

[A]

And I was going to agree with you on the cookie debate. You don't even know. It could be cookies, it could be cigarettes up there. But the fact that it's out of reach, out of mind, out of sight makes you urge for it more.

[B]

So you just repeated what I said.

[A]

But I was saying in a different fashion, Lord, to kind of give you the respect that you are correct, because you always are correct. What the is he looking at? I can feel him out of the corner of my eye. What is he looking at?

[B]

You. Yeah. Okay, you can answer now. What's his name?

[A]

Pupil.

[B]

Pupil.

[A]

Pupil.

[B]

1. Pupil 1.

[A]

Pupil 1.

[B]

What do you feel about this?

[A]

So what I'm getting is he's. I don't know. God. Okay, there's multiple things wrong with this.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

One. I don't know if Cassandra picked the two. You receptionist. Lord. I'm the secretary. She's the receptionist. She's the one that picked the two winners, right? I don't know. She drafted them from the School of the deaf. But the two people that received an opportunity of a lifetime can't seem to listen. First thing wrong. Second thing, uncross your hands. You are sitting there like a politician, and I don't like it because you hold zero authority and zero will and no power. Uncross your hands. Third, don't you ever start with that confidence again and lead me to a road of and nothing. I'm. I'm gonna get fired because of them. I don't know what I'm gonna tell the missus.

[B]

This is just next week. Next week.

[A]

This is unbelievable.

[B]

Next week when we do this, it's either you or him.

[A]

There's something in my throat. Something in my throat.

[B]

I can put some in your throat. It's either you or him. Next week, right? It's not gonna be both of y'all. So you have one more chance to answer this. How do you feel about this situation?

[A]

Permission to speak. I'm so. I'm so sorry. Permission. You're gonna need it. You're gonna. Please give me permission?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Uncross your hands. At this very instance. Uncross them. You hold no pat. Your power level is insignificant. It's like you started a new play on a game and then you turned the console off. You have no power, you unc. He's not uncrossing his hands. I only take orders from the Doctor. He's God. I never even want you.

[B]

How do you feel about this situation? Remember, before you speak, depending on your answer, he might be back. Pupil, too. My.

[A]

On him.

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay. Oh, no, no, no, no, no. On the situation.

[B]

On the situation. Explain to him what I'm saying.

[A]

Okay. No, I got it, I got it. I got it.

[B]

Explain to him what I'm saying.

[A]

If you don't listen once more, I will single handedly throw you to a pack of hyenas and I will watch them rip you from limb to limb while I pretend I'm not hearing you cry for help. Because the amount of time he speaks and you are so stupid and thick in the head that you can't hear it is starting to concern me. You better listen. Okay? You had better listen. We're gonna give you one more chance. Can we give him one more chance?

[B]

No. Okay, I'm gonna take us to the briefing room after and I'm gonna decide between him and Pupil two Or. Yeah, him and Pupil two. And in the comments, those on Patreon, they can decide who they want back next week, him or Pupil Two. I had something. Who the hell told him to speak? Sing my song before I kill him. Sing my song. And you better sing my song.

[A]

For the love of the Almighty. If you do not sing I am going to be staring at you when I give him the glorious trumpets he deserves. If you don't sing, this belt's gonna.

[B]

Go across your ass.

[A]

The belt's coming across your ass. Is he raising a finger?

[B]

I told him no.

[A]

Is he raising a finger?

[B]

I told him no.

[A]

May I speak?

[B]

No. I have a synopsis. It's too late. I want my song.

[A]

Quick suggestion, Lord.

[B]

I would like to hear it.

[A]

Pupil 2 is no longer here to defend himself. Pupil 1 still has the most upside. He claims he has a synopsis. Pretend he can't hear us. Do you graciously allow him?

[B]

Quick. Okay.

[A]

So in his situation, he's like a dog. He's got a toy from TJ Maxx, but he's got another toy that he likes at petsmart you don't want to put down. Is he serious? Did you just think you were gonna come in here with a limerick about poodles and think you're gonna sway him over what?

[B]

What the hell? You Wait.

[A]

You're right.

[B]

That was, and I mean it, the worst synopsis I have ever heard in my life. I would rather a thousand of Pupil Twos than one of those suggestions. Now get him. And I want it aggressive.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Go.

[A]

You should have been a shit stain on your parents mattress. You do not deserve the position of authority in. You hold no authority. You stink like hell, you oftentimes fart on yourself and your calves are good for nothing but walking in here, sitting in that seat, being stupid. You f ing Labradors and Dobermans. He's got a treat here, he's got a treat there. He can't get out of the door because he doesn't have thumbs. Are you nuts? You're talking about dogs. These are human beings that he's trying to save and you're talking about a pet. In your amazing synopsis, you see how sad you look? I want you to bottle that up and I want you to wear it daily as a cologne. Oh, my God.

[B]

Sing my song.

[A]

And that was.

[B]

Dr. P. That was a hell of a time. That was good.

[A]

That was very.

[B]

If you want more of that. That was about 15 minutes. If you want a 40 minute version, they're on Patreon. We do full episodes of Dr. P. I don't know. Next episode is going to be. We have a lot to catch up.

[A]

On and I have a brilliant idea for next episode.

[B]

What is it?

[A]

I'm not going to share it here unless you want me to. You did ask what it is, so I guess that's an open sharing. Are you going to strike me?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay. Yeah. You often put fear in my soul when you stand above me. Anyway, I think we form some sort of contest for Pupil one and pupil two, set by the Doctor himself. The doctor judges people one and pupil two on their performance. One of them wins, one of them loses.

[B]

I think I have some big ideas.

[A]

For Dr. P. And maybe we simply. Me as your secretary. Me as the secretary. Maybe I present the case studies. You hear it initially. You give them each a chance to battle each other. Who has the better synopsis. You pick which is closest to the doctor's synopsis. They get a point tallying system first to however many wins.

[B]

I like that. If you want to see that, it'll be over on Patreon Cam. Get us out of here.

[A]

That was a good little to absolutely love every single one of you. Thank you for coming Back to episode 139 of the you should know podcast. You already know where to find us, but in case you don't, every single thing you need is linked below. The twitch, the discord, the Facebook, the Instagrams, everything. Merch. It is coming out very, very soon. Black Friday. We are dropping the merch. And if you want to see what it looks like, Patreon has already seen it because they are the Koala members and they always get exclusive access. First access, first of anything. So go join the Koala club. You will also be able to see the merch already. No one else has seen it except the fellow Koala members, but we absolutely love y'all. Like I already said, confuse the casuals, get your good karma. This week's secret code. L, O, C lock.

[B]

Lots of cash.

[A]

Lasagna or casserole?

[B]

Lasagna is nasty.

[A]

Casserole is weird.

[B]

I've never had casserole, so I can't say it really. That was like the battle of the whites.

[A]

That was a Cassidy battle.

[B]

All right. We love you guys so much. Remember, 1 out of 10 claw bears don't make it home to Christmas. And we will see you next time. You dirty.

[A]

Are you in there? Hello?