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The you Should Know podcast.
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Now what?
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Hey everybody. Welcome back to the you should know podcast. Episode 134. Out of Applause please. Oh bro. Welcome back to The Hodgkin Episode 134. If you're new here or if you haven't already and you look below, you see that subscribe button? Is it press? You're wrong. If you look even more below that, you see that conversation isn't fulfilled with your name, guess what? Even more wrong. Go and fill that out. Guys, we just want to say I'm sorry about the couch, but thank you for coming back to another episode of the you should know podcast. I want to say to all the Florida people, all our Florida fans, we hope you are safe. We hope nothing went too bad. We love you. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and everybody in the US Family is rallying behind you. And if you ever need anything, just let us know. We love you so much and there's a lot of resources and If I remember, C.J. help me remember. I'll link some helpful resources down in the description below. Also, we have an announcement and this will be the first time I've said this. The next merch drop is going to be on Black Friday. Black Friday, New merch. Black Friday, New merch. Patreon Koala Club. You of course get to see that first. We love you so much. Be sure to add us on Facebook, Discord, Twitch, YouTube, TikTok, Spotify. Subscribe Notification bells. You know the drill. We love you. Now onto the rest of the episode, the you should Know podcast. We got co host Cam back in the studio.
A
No, stop, stop, stop. You already. You already Literally destroyed the couc. We just had a five minute handyman session on how to fix this.
B
It was not five minutes more. 45 seconds. And I said. And I said I was going to defile your couch because you made a derogatory comment towards me about what I did to your couch last week. So I said I'm going to actually set your couch on fire this episode.
A
I want you to pull out a match so I can light that up.
B
That was actually good.
A
I want to violate you more of your couch. Not that that came out very strange, but you just.
B
Are you okay?
A
Oh my God. No, no, don't. Just don't defile my couch anymore.
B
You did.
A
You messed up my couch. I said don't do it and then you double down.
B
If we're honest about the couches, who broke it first?
A
Me.
B
So it was already defiled. It was run amok. It was led astray.
A
Really?
B
Yes.
A
Cuz it was that couch.
B
No, was that one. Remember that's how it's that couch.
A
You had the long couch. It was broken on that side and we switched.
B
How'd that leg break you? That's true.
A
It's not false, Cam.
B
It's the episode. You're going like this and laughing and you felt like that.
A
Mmm.
B
Exactly. Just say you're wrong.
A
I'm wrong. Okay, I broke that couch first.
B
Thank you. Okay, can I say something about my Instagram real quick? I need to get this off my chest has been a heavy burden on me and maybe somebody out there in the comments knows why my Instagram is like this. Okay, everybody. Every. I don't think you know what I'm talking about.
A
I think I do.
B
Oh, you don't. Cuz I haven't said this out loud.
A
Okay, you.
B
Everybody has an explore page, right?
A
Yes.
B
If you were to guess what would my explorer page be? Latin women. Not true.
A
Your explore page would be podcast clips and occasional sports here and there. Some WWE and females.
B
That's what I would think too. Right?
A
Yeah.
B
If I were to just break down my search history.
A
Yeah.
B
Oh, search history.
A
It'd be women with a sprinkle of some.
B
Why do you do. You're like weirdly obsessed with my. My like personal like every episode notice at all? No, it is a little strange.
A
You're a Macadellist. You're. You're a great man.
B
What?
A
I don't know what I'm saying.
B
My explore page has been rabbits like a God. Like an ungodly amount of rabbits on my for you page or like my explore page on Instagram. I don't know why. It was like four in the morning and I was up spiraling. Like, I was in a dark place. I was like, is tomorrow going to come? And I was looking. I was just kept refreshing. And every time I refreshed that Explore page, three more pictures of rabbits would pop up. Another three, another three, and it would be like my whole Explore page turned into rabbits.
A
You're stranger than I thought.
B
Exactly.
A
What are you doing with rabbits?
B
I don't really even like a rabbit.
A
I don't. First time algorithms are damning, buddy. They give you what you watch.
B
Yeah, but I don't really watch. I don't watch animal videos.
A
Do you remember that night, or were you too spiraling? No, you might have went down about an hour and a half of straight gerbil and rabbit activity and you didn't even know it. And now you're a freak.
B
Okay, not really. I had a class rabbit in second grade. Its name was Pepper, and it would scratch my back during class reading time, and I was terrified of it. And so I sat on top of my desk for class reading time the rest of the semester. And then my friend Clarissa took the rabbit home. It was. And you can have it because the class. The school year is over, right? She took Pepper home. Pepper had a seizure in the backyard. Pepper's dead. Just want to put that out there. There's no more Pepper on the physical earth, if we're being completely honest.
A
So y'all had. You had rabbits? Dude, I. Oh, my God. You just. You. You surprise me. Every week you had rabbits that had accessibility to your spine while you're reading a book?
B
Yeah, it was the same class. My teacher was a stripper. It was second grade. I want to say her name, but I can't.
A
Oh, okay.
B
But, yeah, she would let it go free, and Pepper would be a distraction to me in my adhd.
A
No shit.
B
Exactly. And okay, but I bring up the rabbit thing because I saw one reel on my Explore page, right? It was a kangaroo and a little baby kangaroo coming out the pouch.
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A joey.
B
Now what?
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A joey who. It's called a joey. A baby kangaroo is called a joey.
B
Is that a fact or is that, like, street term?
A
No, that's a fact. Like, a calf to a cow is a joey to a kangaroo.
B
Is that. Could we call Harry Harry?
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All kangaroo kids are named Joseph at birth, and then once they hit four years old, they get their own name.
B
Was there one like King Kangaroo back in the day that was named Joey, and he got slain and now we're all.
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Now they're all. They're paying homage to Joe. They're like, my first born will be Joseph. No, dad. Baby kangaroos called Joey.
B
Okay.
A
God, I'd pay money to be in a kangaroo pouch.
B
That's what I used to think. That's what I used to think until I saw this video. I always thought kangaroo pouches were like a frocket on a shirt. Like, just like a. Like a sleeve right here. You open it up and you could just go rest in that hoodie pouch, Right?
A
So warm.
B
It is like a. Like if you go inside of a belly button dog. It is disgusting and wet and tight and veiny. Kind of like my.
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No, no, no. I don't stop.
B
And. And so I saw it and I was like. I saw the little baby. Like the thumbnail of the reel was a baby kangaroo like this. And I said, it looks like Ruby. I love Ruby. And I love kangaroo pouches.
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Hello.
B
Until then. And so the camera lady not making those kind of jokes this week. She looked like Cam. So let's put that out there. Wasn't my kind go. It didn't look like Cat Williams. So let's put that out there. Was an ice cubic sworn. Okay, so they're going up to the. The kangaroo. Baby kangaroo coming out the pouch. A little. Little face coming out the pouch, right? And zooming in. And obviously the. The baby Joey was like. Joey was like, who's this white woman? And they went inverted in bank. And then she stuck her two fingers in the kangaroo pouch and opened up that curtain. That's a forbidden curtain. You don't open, ma'am. That's not yours.
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That's got it. That's a violation.
B
That has to be some sort of charge.
A
That has to.
B
That's what you do at diddy parties.
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With a lot of oil. Kangaroo oil.
B
That's a forbidden pouch. You don't want to touch those.
A
Don't touch those.
B
Don't touch a pouch that's not yours. That's not like.
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Especially not like that. Don't. You don't do a pouch like that. That's not yours without consent, without a joke.
B
Very important.
A
Extremely important.
B
So she went in there, right? And she opened up this pouch ever so slightly and put her camera with flash on into the pouch. And it looked like. You know when Ruby yawns.
A
Yeah.
B
And you see the inside of her mouth, it's like that, like little black.
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Little black and brown spots. You're like, what the. Why he got black in your mouth? Ridges.
B
Yeah. I just found out that a kangaroo pouch is not a comforting home.
A
Dude, that's. Honestly, that's. That's depressing.
B
It's like in their stomach, bro.
A
Liv's belly button. You spoke about belly buttons. Liv's belly button smelt so bad the other day. Oh, my. Jesus Christ.
B
What activity was going on in the household to where you were?
A
Fresh wake up. Wednesday morning. A clean. Wake up. I literally roll over. I go to talk to my son, which is currently inside of Olivia's pouch and inside of her belly. And I go for a night, just a very. A very intimate, like, face to stomach speaking session. And it smelled like grated cheese. It smelled so str. I literally went. And I jumped back. And she goes, what? My bad butt stink? And I said, maybe. I said, you need to bathe right now. You need a shower. Now she got up and showered.
B
And Are we sure we're not eating the placenta as a group?
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No, we're not doing that little salted pepper.
B
Oh, my little ragin Cajun on it. I will not taste your breast milk.
A
If you put clucker dusters on a placenta and fried that bitch up and ate it like it was a T bone. No.
B
Is that sacrilegious?
A
No. I think that. No.
B
Is that a satanic like ritual? Now, I'm not trying to be offensive here. I'm making jokes, but also, I am curious. No.
A
What about.
B
Okay, they're eating the dog.
A
There's. There's. There's one thing. They're eating the dogs and cats. There's one thing. All our cats are leaving.
B
They're all.
A
What do you think about the men that freeze their own semen for later use in skincare? Have you heard about that?
B
They never heard of, like, creative crew.
A
Creative. What are you saying? It got some bootleg shit. Creative. You're craving the right materials. Sarah V. Creation. Me? No. Well, I've never seen where he's coming from.
B
Sarah V. I might be a little dyslexia.
A
Yeah. But I've heard of men to a. And then they freeze the said specimens. Semen.
B
Children. Where'd you hear that? At a rapper.
A
You know him? He did.
B
I know him personally. No, no. I know somebody's doing this.
A
What is his name? Kind of don't ask.
B
I've never heard of the face. Watch.
A
No, he did it. He said it's good to, like. He put the Drops. The ice cubes in his drinks and.
B
Ice cube.
A
Like a semen ice cube. And he'll like.
B
He's just. He's he went to a couple diddy parties.
A
He had to have been.
B
He got the VIP section.
A
He's. He's known. He's known. Regardless. My wife's belly button stunk.
B
Yeah. God bless you. Good God, you are. You want to ask me something?
A
No. Why would you?
B
You know, who cares? Who cares? Who gives a shit about.
A
I did that on purpose.
B
Okay.
A
I want to ask you what I.
B
Was like, how my week was, what I was talking about.
A
Oh, hell no.
B
Okay.
A
But I don't ask you about something that happened during your week. We were all there to share this experience.
B
Mmm.
A
What were your initial thoughts? And we were leaving the Starbucks that one morning.
B
We went to Starbucks.
A
Oh, did we go.
B
Oh, my God.
A
We went to Starbucks. We got casted in a bonus episode of Grey's Anatomy. That's what happened. So talk us through that, big guy. Talk us. Tell us about that.
B
So we spent the weekend at Cam's house. At his new mansion.
A
No, it's just a house.
B
And there's not a lot out there where he lives.
A
There's a. There's a. It's a decent amount. It's a good place.
B
You can get a car wash. You can go to church.
A
You can get your car wash. You can get a couple donuts, go to school.
B
That's it. So. But they just put a Starbucks up two days ago.
A
That's not true. But yes.
B
So we went into this Starbucks, right?
A
Yes.
B
And we're like, okay, we're planning out our day. It was me, Cam, C.J. ryan. If you watch the Patreon, you know everybody. I just said, join the Patreon.
A
Good morning to you.
B
So we were there. We were getting frappuccinos. We were talking, making jokes. Cam was being obnoxiously loud and ghetto as he does. And so was he. Not cj. Okay, thank you. And so we're in this Starbucks, like, 20 minutes. Good. Good amount of time. Regular coffee, regular talks, fun time with the crew. There's about eight other people in double smoked action. Right? It was time. Okay, we have our day planned. Let's go back into the car. Let's begin our day. We're walking outside the door. We're walking towards the door, right to the left of the. The exit door to glory. In a normal day. There's where the bathrooms are, right? Bathrooms are closed, little single stall bathrooms. Me and CJ are leading the pack, I believe I open the door to exit. CJ's right in front of me, and I can't see the bathrooms anymore. Cam and Ryan are behind a little bit. All out of a. All of a sudden, I hear, help.
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Oh, my God, help.
B
I said, the is going on in this Starbucks. And then I hear Cam go, oh, my God. And then so I'm like, what is happening in the Starbucks? I peek my head around this corner. There is an elderly lady. It's not funny.
A
It's not. It's not funny. Stop, stop, stop. It's not funny.
B
No, she's fine.
A
No, she is.
B
Well, we don't know.
A
We actually don't know. We really don't know.
B
But we tried.
A
I hope she's fine.
B
Do we look. And she's laying down. Stop making me look.
A
She was like. She was like this.
B
She's laying down on the bathroom.
A
I think better since you sprawled out.
B
Yeah. And then she just goes, help. It's nice.
A
It's funny because we are reliving this.
B
Yeah. And.
A
But, dude, is the way she pushed the door for me because at first. Okay. Oh, my God.
B
You didn't know.
A
So the first help where you're all like, what the. The door was closed, she was on the ground, and she went like this. She went and, like, wedged the door open. I could just see her. She was like, help me. Help. I was like, oh, my God. So we go in the bathroom. I walk right up to her. Her eyes are closed. She's panting, she's moving her legs. She's visibly nervous. Put your tongue in your mouth.
B
Just have a hot take about it.
A
She's vi.
B
I'm not gonna say it.
A
Oh, my God. You have to say it at the end.
B
Okay.
A
Anyway, she's visibly nervous, she's panting, she's sweaty, she looks kind of flush. So I immediately walk up to her. I go, ma'am, did you fall? I can help you get up. She goes, no, I didn't fall. I was like, she caught an attitude. She caught an attitude. I was like, all right, then the hell with you. She goes, no, I didn't fall. I had a buildup of colitis back in Dec. And that's what she said. She said, I had an episode of colitis in December. It's feeling a lot like that. And I go, oh, okay. What can I do? She goes, well, starters, have someone call the cops. And I said, oh, no. I was like, for a damsel in distress, you're awfully rude. I was like, we are here saving you, ma'am. Are you drying a red bull stained couch with a table runner from New Year's?
B
Can I just say the is faking. It.
A
Dog.
B
She was way too mean. And then started joking. I was like, come on, man. I didn't think that in the moment, I was nervous that I was trying to help and Cam was helping Ryan, cj, We're all helping. But as soon as we start, like, the drilling went down, and I saw the lack of panic on the ems.
A
Yeah.
B
I was like, is she a habitual, Like. And she didn't fall. She said, I didn't fall. Yeah, that's what made me nervous. I was like, you would have fell. Yeah, she literally, no.
A
God. But she was sprawled out. Like, she fell off like a building. I mean, it was like Peter Griffin. Like, one leg was cocked that way, her arm was up that way. She was panting with her eyes closed. So I immediately, like, all right. She got caught in attitude again. Well, first off, have someone call the cops. And I was like, I don't even feel like you need me in here. Like, I don't. You're so mean to me. So I go out there, I'm like, hey. She said, lady's fallen. I literally said that again because it's natural. She's in her 60s. I go, hey, someone fell in the bathroom. She needs the cops. And all you hear from faint in the bathroom. I didn't fall. I was like, God damn it, woman. I was like, do you need help or not? She goes, I didn't fall. I was like, okay.
B
Like, you being awfully loud.
A
So I go back, I go, hey, ma'am, I'm going to wet a paper towel. Put it on your head. Is that okay? She didn't even respond.
B
She didn't know.
A
She's like. So I just did it. Put it down. So then I say, while the police are showing up, is there some, like, a family member? Is there someone that I can call for you in your phone now? Again, quickly. This woman is white, okay? She's a white elderly woman. And the first name she tells me to call, she goes, yeah, go ahead and dial Shaniqua Williams. And I said, I swear to God. She said, dial Shaniqua Williams. And I go, okay. I said, all right. And I go. I said, what's your relation to Shaniqua? She said, I'm supposed to be dropping off for lunch.
B
Dropping off for what? For lunch.
A
He said, I'm supposed to be dropping off for lunch. I'm working on Meals for Wheels right now. And I go, oh, my God, you have cold food in the car. And she just goes, she yelled at you again, bro.
B
She yelled at Cam again.
A
So I Go, I called. I called Shaniqua. And I go, ma'am, what's your name? Obviously, this is a fake name. She goes, rachel. And I go, okay. Shaniqua doesn't answer. And I go, okay, Ms. Rachel, do you want me to send a text? She goes, just leave a voicemail first. I was like, all right. I literally go, hey, Shaniqua, this is someone off phone. She fell in a Starbucks. I don't know why I was so dead set. I said, she fell down at a Starbucks. She's having some problems right now. And she literally goes, God damn it, I didn't fall.
B
And then Cam goes, no, okay, she had an accident. No. She goes, yes.
A
I go, okay, she didn't fall. She had an accident. And she goes, don't say I was in a car accident. I said, I didn't say anything about a car. I said, regardless, your food's not coming by, Shaniqua. And I hung up. This woman, like, it was blowing my mind how rude and bossy you could be when you're sprawled out. It looks like you were shot by Legolas in the middle of a bathroom floor. And then to top it all off, I go to text Shaniqua, and I just text. God. I literally am texting Shaniqua, and she has the clicks on her phone, like, when you type. So I'm texting her, and you know me. I can yap. It's like a long message. And she goes, damn, you still typing. And I said, I'm out of here, bro. I set her phone down right at that point, the EMS came. I literally stepped right over her, and I left. Then we go outside. The ambulance is blocking Payton's Tesla.
B
Cam, you did AI that woman, bro.
A
I was just trying to help. And she was. I was just.
B
That's why. That's why once the adrenaline of the situation, because my forearm. She still owes me a massage. I was fading her with, like, a little you should know podcast. This episode is brought to you by our friends at Lumen. Some may ask, what is Lumen? Well, Lumen is the world's first handheld metabolic coach. It's a device that measures your metabolism through your breath. And on the app, it lets you know if you're burning fat or carbs and gives you tailored guidance to improve your nutrition, workouts, sleeps, and even stress management.
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A
That story, bro, when I went back home, I thought about it and I just. Tell me what you think about this. How well or how bad do you think you would be at being a barista? Like a overworked, like, barista?
B
First, I think I'd. Either there's two options. I get fired or I'm in jail.
A
Yes.
B
There's something about people that order from Starbucks, especially you regulars that don't. Your mom, your mom's. And you don't have a job. And you are very entitled, and you're.
A
In four different groups on Facebook and.
B
Mmm. And you're cheating on your husband.
A
Oh, you better drop that face now.
B
The women in the big ass suburbans, oh, my God. I know. As soon as they come into, I'm like, they're going to give this barista a problem.
A
And you got the logo of your. Of your son's high school on the back left corner of the car.
B
Anyway, if. Oh, my. I hear the way they speak to some of these baristas. It like, there could be, like, a little bit too much ice on there. They're burning Starbucks down.
A
Oh, yeah.
B
I would lose my mind. But if I'm putting all the blame on myself, I'm everybody's. Order up. There's no way you'd be like, here you go, Rachel. No, I'm just saying how the hell debris's. No.
A
Oh, yeah.
B
How to make that many beverages.
A
Let me get a. Let me get a. Let me get a venti quadruple pump soy free latte with an extra shot of espresso, hold the oat milk, add sweet cream, little ice.
B
I'd be like, hey, like, I can't do the. You want a black coffee?
A
You go, I Get you an iced Americano and I'll get you out the door.
B
I genuinely have so much respect for baristas, bro.
A
I was thinking about that. I was like, you would literally have a panic attack probably.
B
Oh, my God.
A
Like, you'd have to clock out early on your first day.
B
I couldn't. I couldn't be the one to make the drink.
A
You'd be like.
B
You start spilling drinks, not even making the drinks, typing all that shit in on the computer and all that. They're literally like the quarterbacks of the fast food industry. Like, they have to make so many audibles. God damn, that was good. Are you kidding me? That was good.
A
Oh, my goodness. Let's just run with it. Who's the running back of the. Of the fast food industry? I can say powerful, strong, fast.
B
I can tell you. The sloppy center is who.
A
Carl's Jr. Carl's Jr's the center's like, just blocking. You block it.
B
Okay, running back.
A
Who's a running back? Powerful, powerful, fast, but power running.
B
McDonald's.
A
McDonald's is the running back.
B
And you need a skill. You need a skill. Wide receiver, who's your wide out?
A
Fast, Good footwork.
B
Chick fil A. Chick fil A. Goddamn. They'll run a route like crazy. They're gonna run a route.
A
They're gonna get away from the defender. Okay, who's a tight end. Real big and bulky. Very strong. Good. But could be a little slow.
B
Okay, but they're only local. They're local. It's Whataburger. They're thick. They're thick. Sometimes can be quick, but they always get you a touchdown. You'll always score. They are a go to. You know what I mean? They are powerful. They don't have great lateral movement. You might get stuck on the line a couple times, but they will get there.
A
Let's flip the ball on defense now. Who's like, the linebacker? Someone that you're just. You're excited for. They'll just run down the middle.
B
You Taco Bell.
A
Oh, my God.
B
You're like, it looks so good.
A
It looks good. They take care of their region, and you're just shitting, dude.
B
Okay, hold on, hold on. Go get. It's kind of in the same fast food. I've been trying to eat healthier. I've been trying to do better.
A
Oh, my God.
B
There's this place called. They're not paying for this. Salad on the go or salad to go. Salad to go. Right. It's like a healthy fast food, basically. Salad. You get wraps and I Was like, I don't feel good. I don't feel, like, alive. Most of the time.
A
My heart is working extra and I'm just sitting on my couch. It's like.
B
It literally feels like my bloodstream is filled with oil. So go to the doctor. So I was. I was like, let me try this. I go into the thing. They have a buffalo chicken wrap. I said, God damn, I'm gonna go get that. I order that. So nice. So emo. So hippie at the thing. Emo. Oh, like there was a woman. Yeah, you could tell, like. And I was like, oh, this is gonna be grass.
A
I thought there was like pitchforks and bats.
B
No, no, it was very ambient. It was great. And so if they give me the buffalo chicken wrap, I eat it so goddamn good. One of the best things I've ever eaten. Hey. It feels like Mike Tyson has gone inside my small intestine for the past four hours. And he is going up in.
A
Got that today?
B
Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'm telling. No, it's not good. It's not doing. It's like my body's rejecting health. It's not. It's not.
A
Oh, my God. You might be close to the boat, man. You might be close.
B
Florida.
A
No, like death.
B
Oh, I thought you meant, like, no.
A
No, to the underworld.
B
Oh, I'm not going there. I'm going to heaven.
A
Oh, yeah, but you might be close.
B
Oh, speaking of hell, I saw this one. Okay? So I went, now this is personal and this is true. And CJ literally asked me this morning. He's like, where have you been? I was gone from 8am to like 11:30. I was gone so long. I had this thing where I was like, I want to go on a grocery store, like countywide tour and touch every grocery store. This morning I went to six Kroger's today, bro. I traveled like 40 minutes worth of Kroger's. And I have proof of this. And later in the story, I'll tell you why. Now, I don't know what happened today. I don't know why I woke up this way, but I did. I wanted like a country wide, a county wide grocery. And what I did was I compared the aisles and ambience and I was like, what's different? I don't know what was going on and I think I need medication. But I went to the first Kroger Normal, just a normal Kroger, nothing crazy. Second Kroger, Normal, nothing crazy. I went to a third Kroger, the one kind of by where you used to live. Like, on the back end, behind there. You know what I mean?
A
Yeah.
B
I walk in there or I get out of my car and I assess the parking lot. It's. It's one of those situations where the street across so many cars, a lot.
A
Of movement, a lot of vehicles.
B
Parking lot was desolate and a little creepy. Like, there was people walking, but you couldn't hear the steps.
A
Don't like that.
B
No one's looking anywhere.
A
It's like Colorado Airport, you know?
B
Exactly. As I'm approaching the front door of this grocery store, there's a woman that works for the grocery store. Her backs to me. She's facing the grocery store, and she has. Now she has a mop. Let me repeat. She's outside and she's a little hunched. And I say, she's not a day younger than 85. Okay. Like, she doesn't look stable. Like, you know what I mean? Not just a powerful gone.
A
She's.
B
And so the way I was walking, I was. I kind of had to cross paths with her. Now I'm walking behind this woman that's mopping concrete, right? And I'm already like, now this is giving purgatory vibes. Like, I swear to God, this. I swear to God, she's mopping the sidewalk. And I walk past her, but I can see her stop the mop. And she literally turns her body towards me. And I thought she's about to say something. She looks me up and down because I'm a big guy. And she goes, you ever seen a set of fresh gums? Like some. Like, new gums? Like, those gums just got there?
A
Just got out of the rinse, but.
B
You can still tell there is holes where teeth should be. And she looked at me, but there was no soul in those eyes. And she goes, huh? Hi. And I said, oh, all right. And I kept walking because I was like, that woman is a descendant of Baphomet. She's not from heaven. Like, that's hell right there. And so I'm walking in the Kroger. I walk around the Kroger four times. I counted four times.
A
What are you doing? Where.
B
The guy by the Lunchables, he was stacking the Lunchables. He goes, hey, son. Called me son. Do you need help? And I said, nope, I'm just looking around. On my fifth trip, as I'm about to make it back to the Lunchables, guess who I see walking towards me?
A
Satan San Jim. Yes.
B
He's got the most random in his handheld cart. And, bro, the look on it when I saw Sanjay. I got excited. Oh, Sanjin. Sanjan looks at me and he's like, he's terrified of me. It's like he goes, p, are you doing, man?
A
Like, you're not supposed to be there.
B
I was like, bro, I'm just walking around grocery stores. And he goes, oh, all right. Yeah. And he goes, I saw you walking and your head was down, but you kept looking left and right. And I said, bro, I'm just looking. But also for what? I don't know. What are you looking around? The story.
A
You said you took four trips around to keep passing the lunchable.
B
I got four box of lunchables at the house and. But something about Sanjin questioning me made me emotional. And so I was trying to end the conversation with Sanjin, and he was making such direct eye contact. Really concerned about what I was doing in my whereabouts. Yeah, I started tearing up. I said, I started tearing up talking to Sancho. He was so concerned for me. I was all right, bro. And I tried to make a joke with him and I said, hey, invite me over. I'll eat some of that. I pointed at his cart. What?
A
If you look down, it was like car oil. Like it wasn't even food.
B
Yeah, that's. That's what I did today. That was today.
A
What in the hell is wrong with you? A lot.
B
But why?
A
Okay. There's so much. There's so much to break down. 1. What did Sanjin have his hand? We need to know because we can.
B
Hold that over him.
A
He probably had like a fresh fish, like Nutella and like some sort of medication.
B
No, that's why I was confused, cuz Sanja doesn't eat bacon, but he had a 48 pack of raw bacon in his cart. And I said either you're a fucking liar. Oh, my God. Oh, my God.
A
That's why Sandra's there early in the morning tonight. To not be seen getting the bacon.
B
So much bacon in his cart. So much like my levels of bacon. Like a 48 pack raw.
A
Oh, we're on your ass next time we see you, Sage. And second thing. Seriously, what are you doing? Why the six crow, dude?
B
I don't know, bro.
A
Are you the fuck. Are you the census?
B
No.
A
Who are you?
B
I just was.
A
Why are you doing that?
B
It was just. I haven't been a grocery store in so long.
A
Go to one.
B
Yeah, you're right. No, I'm not saying what I did was normal.
A
It's not.
B
I saw Satan.
A
Yeah, that's my last thing. You are better than me. Because when you went, who? When she went. I literally would have been like, tried to scare and just see if she.
B
Felt like she would have like, opened up her jaw.
A
Yeah, I goes. She comes out there's hand. It's like.
B
No, it gave me like, get out vibes.
A
She's mopping concrete. First off, I'm.
B
I'm all for eagle opportunity.
A
What do we think they're paying her?
B
I don't know.
A
725.
B
We're. We're toting a line here.
A
7:25. At that point, she just wants to be there. 85, bro. 85. Was she up in the sales? Was she pro. Increasing productivity? No, she's mopping concrete and scaring customers. Yeah.
B
I hope she had a shirt.
A
Oh, my God. Plot twist to the century. She doesn't even work there. She just got stolen Kroger shirt. And she's the. She's the boatman of Kroger. Oh, my God. Oh, that's how you know Halloween's around the corner. Broom.
B
I'm all for equal opportunity. I love Halloween.
A
I. Halloween's fit.
B
I love Halloween.
A
I like Halloween too. I love Halloween. Who are you? I don't like that. I don't like. Repeat. That's like another Halloween. A data data. Tomato, tomato.
B
How do you say it?
A
Halloween. That's probably.
B
Who's ever said Halloween?
A
Probably pretty Caucasian, but Halloween. It's not hollow.
B
Is. Ho has a Halloween.
A
That's. Damn. Okay, I kind of sucked. Am I okay? Was I under the. The thought process that Halloween was with an H?
B
Okay, you also said.
A
Oh, my God. Halloween spelled with an O. Yeah, look, it's a. It's a Halloween.
B
Is this the Mendel?
A
My balls.
B
Is this the Mendendez thing or the mate. What's the Guy Mandela effect?
A
No, it's Halloween. It's not Halloween. I knew I was right. Yes.
B
How. But no, no, no. How do you. Okay, what's up? How do you say the in. In school? Where the lockers are? Where the lockers in school?
A
A hall.
B
How do you spell that? Hall.
A
H A L, L. Hall. O. Halloween. Halloween, but not hollow. You're saying yours is very O esque?
B
Huh? He's very. Halloween.
A
Hall. H, A L, O. Halloween.
B
How I'm gonna go walk the halls.
A
I'm gonna go have a happy Halloween.
B
A Halloween.
A
Damn it.
B
You also say something else weird.
A
What? This is such an what's Intense moment. I was wrong and then right wrong again.
B
What's the navigation system?
A
Gps?
B
No, that is nor. It's a handheld thing.
A
North compass. You Said that the other day. How do I say that?
B
Weird.
A
It's a compass. How am I saying it Weird. I got lost in the woods. Let me plot my compass. Is that bad? It's a compass.
B
No one's ever said that.
A
How are you supposed to say. How do you say it?
B
Compassion.
A
Compass. Compass. It's a compass.
B
No.
A
Compass.
B
Compass. How do you say it?
A
How do you. How's it? No, no.
B
Ready.
A
Is the same ideology. How is it spelled?
B
How's compass spelled?
A
C O M. Pass. Okay.
B
Compass.
A
Www.YouTube.com Compass Come. It's not compiss. It could come. Piss. No, it's a compass.
B
You're right. I'm wrong about that.
A
How do you say data?
B
It depends on who I'm around. It depends on what kind of people I'll be code switching. So you're.
A
You're clay. You're.
B
You're. You're.
A
You're just foldable. Oh, no.
B
The you should know podcast this episode.
A
Is brought to you by Harry's p. Hello. Everyone in the comedy world knows that not every joke delivers.
B
Most of mine don't.
A
You know who always delivers?
B
Who?
A
Harry's.
B
God bless you.
A
They send the best quality razors right to your front door for a fraction of the price of the other big brands. Better designed shaving products at a better price is no joke. It's Harry's.
B
Harry sent us over the trial set. I talk about it all the time. Obviously it's an optimal razor. It's a great razor. German engineering, but I like the stuff that no one talks about. You know what that is?
A
What is that?
B
How it optically looks.
A
In my bathroom, aesthetics are important.
B
It is a shining beam of light in my nasty, gnarled bathroom.
A
It looks.
B
Looks so good. It makes me feel and look like I know what I'm doing. And always get a great shave.
A
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A
All right, I was On. I was on the bird the other day.
B
Twitter. I love Twitter.
A
Some call it. Ready?
B
Yeah.
A
Came across this tweet, and it was a thread. I enjoy a good thread. I like reading things that it continue into something else and they develop.
B
Would you be careful. Comfortable sharing your bookmarks with me?
A
Yeah, It's. It is 100% LeBron. And that's sad. It's honestly sad. It's LeBron. Oh, it's hundred percent LeBron.
B
I can.
A
Oh, not yours. Oh, okay. I think your gooch was out. I think you're. I think I saw a little baseball.
B
No, I flashed my.
A
Oh, my God. That was like a salami sandwich.
B
Oh, I flash my muffin.
A
Yeah. Muffin, my ass. That was a baker's dust. That was a loaf. That thing was sitting. Sorry.
B
I think my. Has scoliosis. Oh, it looks like Ruby's tail, though. There's got a hook in it. Oh, like, it's like a zigzag line. It's like Pikachu's tail.
A
Oh, my God. That made me sick.
B
You're.
A
I honest to God think you're. If we could hire someone right? Like, like off the Titanic. Like, we hire someone to examine my. No. You get naked and you just stand like this. And then we have like, a French artist paint your. But then turn that into, like, a road of, like, a beautiful picture. And only people that know that road is actually the connecting trail from your ball sacked asshole is us. And then we go put it, like, somewhere that might be illegal. Now that I say.
B
I think I have an inflamed.
A
What is.
B
Do you ever. Okay, let me now. Maybe I need to get this checked. Not, like, inflamed like it hurts or anything, but it's like saggy meat.
A
Cops are coming right now for your saggy lunch meat ass. Gooch. You can play with your gooch. You need to get help right now. You can sit there and thumb your gooch like you're going for a score on Guitar Hero. You can guitar. You can lower base your gooch. You need.
B
You.
A
You need surgery right now. You need surgery. There's no way.
B
Okay. We say about Twitter.
A
Yeah, please. Holy shit. I found a thread.
B
Blt. Almost.
A
The lettuce or the bacon. It's got to be the lettuce.
B
Maybe the tomato.
A
You have a wizard sleeve. Gooch. It's sitting. Oh, I just, like, visualized it without trying to. Yeah, you're downstairs. Has got to be a sight, man. It's got to be. That's like a campfire story. At this point, it's like a mythical legend. Like there's. It's either you're putting. It's either you're putting on a facade or. I mean, they gotta be scared. When you take your denim off, they gotta be scared. Red, red, irritated webbing, a loose gooch, probably a lot of hair and then a Johnson.
B
It's like D day down.
A
Okay. Post apocalyptic crotch. Here we go. I was on Twitter. I saw a thread is about a thing that people suffer from that no clue is real.
B
Okay.
A
There's been multiple accounts across the entire world and it's real. Some people, they will faint, they will get scared, they will get in a car crash, whatever, and they wake up speaking a language they don't.
B
I saw that. I saw who. Tom Segura had a big bit about that.
A
I didn't see Tom's.
B
No, it's a long time ago. It was like one of his original things. He said it's one of the funniest things. I still have never seen this, bro.
A
It's called foreign accent syndrome.
B
Oh, my God.
A
They imagine me. Imagine we go. I don't even want to say that. Knock on wood. Imagine something happens. I lose conscious. And I wake up.
B
Yeah.
A
And I'm just like. Like full blown speak. They are fully speaking a language they've never heard.
B
True, though.
A
And they don't know.
B
I don't think that could be true. If you have no prior knowledge to how to speak this language, how can all of a sudden you know how to speak this language?
A
That's what I'm saying.
B
I thought it was just an accent type of thing.
A
No, I wanted to ask. No, foreign accent. Like it's like.
B
Like an accent, but not. You don't speak the actual language, right?
A
No. This one woman was. Oh, I see.
B
You know, saying one of.
A
No, One of them was speaking a language they've never spoke. And then another woman. Another woman was British. Okay. She was speaking in hers, like, just English. I mean, that's English. Yeah, but in her English dialect. But she was saying it in a Like Japanese.
B
Yeah, I've heard. I've seen. Okay. That I believe.
A
Why?
B
I don't know how. Like, not to be insensitive or partial here. If you did that, if you came in here sounding like Christopher Columbus, didn't he have a British accent?
A
I would assume so.
B
He was from Britain.
A
That's where he came from.
B
So he's not even American.
A
No. He got on a boat and just drove west and he found our land.
B
And then Christopher Columbus isn't from America.
A
Absolutely not. None of us are from. I mean, unless you are Native American. That's native to America. Oh, did you understand that part at least? Did you know what that meant? Native American?
B
Yes. Yes.
A
You sure?
B
Yeah. Because you're native to America.
A
Okay, so then why.
B
So why is Christopher Columbus.
A
Because he got on the boat and he killed everybody. Correct.
B
Oh, so we shouldn't have. We shouldn't have a Columbus Day, should we? Not to get political here.
A
Yeah, but that's. There we go.
B
No, but if you.
A
If I came in, say I have something happened to me. I come in the next day, we're recording.
B
If you came in, sounded like Idris Elba one day, I would have a problem with it. I couldn't record.
A
No, it has to be crazier. It has to. I can't do it, though.
B
Yeah, no, it's. It's. We're playing with.
A
We're playing. My hands are on fire right now, and it's getting close up here. I can't do that.
B
But imagine that day you passed out. If you would have woke up, you'd be like, hello.
A
I was like, oh, bro. I go.
B
I'm like, put it back out now.
A
I go, what happened? Me.
B
Speaking of Twitter, I saw something on Twitter and we got.
A
Scary place.
B
We got. Added this question. Like, one of the fans tweeted this and added my Twitter. Why am I having a hard time with that? You can mention people on Twitter and it goes to their thing, and they brought this to me.
A
There you go.
B
And they want us to talk about it on the podcast. Can we put this out there? Cam is months away from having a child.
A
Yes. Sorry. Oh, my God. I didn't think that too. I just, like, farted in my own spot.
B
Okay, So I saw this on Twitter and they said, him. I saw this on Twitter. The guy and his friend were talking about it. Right.
A
Dog. We're on our own time here. We're good.
B
We're okay.
A
The sun is out, kinda.
B
We're all.
A
Everything's good from the top. Here we go.
B
I saw this on Twitter, right? One of our fans mentioned my Twitter asking this question, okay? Him and his friend were having this debate, and he said, I want you and Cam to have this debate as well.
A
And it is to get my blood pressure.
B
It was. It is one of the best questions I have ever seen in my life.
A
Okay.
B
Like, how did I not think about this?
A
Okay?
B
They were debating is duck seafood? And I said, God bless. That's a fantastic question.
A
I say, what do you say, is duck seafood? I'm gonna go, no, that's wrong.
B
I say yes.
A
How is it seafood? Duck is not seafood.
B
They live in the sea.
A
Ducks don't live in the sea. Ducks don't live in the sea. Hey, one more time for you and the person behind you. Ducks don't live in the sea.
B
They live in the water.
A
They don't. They, they. They occupy themselves in ponds of your local neighborhood. Okay. HOA system.
B
What else? What else lives in ponds?
A
Fish.
B
What is fish?
A
Seafood, but if you.
B
You know what I mean?
A
But when did you gone to the Atlantic and you see a duck 90 miles from shore.
B
Oh, that's seafood. So you have. So it has to live in the Seaford to be seafood?
A
Most fish that live in ponds and lakes, no, that's still seafood. Because it's a fish. It completely lives in water.
B
Yes. No, you don't have to completely live in Waterford to be seafood.
A
Holy shit.
B
Am I wrong?
A
Holy shit. Crabs live in water.
B
No, they don't. They don't completely live in water.
A
The crabs you eat. We're not eating hermit crabs, you little creepy killer. You've never seen a six year old's worst nightmare. If you pick their hermit crab up and you go, they literally no eat king crab and Alaskan crab, snow crab that live deep in the ocean.
B
You've never seen something else? You never. You've never seen a red crab crawl up on the shore.
A
Holy shit. The shore of what? A beach. Which is.
B
Yes, but you said they live completely. It's. For it to be seafood. You said for it to be seafood has to completely live in the water. And that's not true.
A
Okay, name other seafood.
B
Shrimp.
A
Water. Yeah, water.
B
Well, I don't eat water. I don't eat cod. That's oysters.
A
Water.
B
I don't eat seafood. Help me.
A
Shark. Water whale.
B
You don't eat shark.
A
People do.
B
You can't eat shark.
A
Oh, you can't eat shark. You can't eat a shark.
B
You can't. You can't. That's illegal. It's eating a horse.
A
I. You can eat a horse.
B
You cannot eat horses. That's McTamalism.
A
No, you probably shouldn't, but that's metabolism.
B
You know, when you eat yourself.
A
Cannibalism. You're a horse.
B
No. Well, some. Some may say. Jury's still out on that one.
A
You can't. I can. I can eat your left finger right now.
B
Yes.
A
You shouldn't, though. So you can't eat a shark.
B
Yeah, you can't. People. You can do anything. But it's not allowed, like I'm saying, on a restaurant.
A
Whales, yes.
B
Can't eat well.
A
Tuna, yes.
B
Okay, you said every. Every seafood has to live in the water. Only crocodile.
A
Crocodile. Its main place is water, you said. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You can name stuff like that. You can name stuff like that. Yeah, like a duck, but they're amphibious ducks, bro. What do ducks ever.
B
I've never seen a duck outside the water. Let me put that out there. Holy shit.
A
You've never seen a duck outside of a water?
B
You ever go on a duck playground, you freak?
A
You never fed duck bread? Wonder bread Right out of your hands?
B
No.
A
What?
B
Where you at? You getting a duck zoo?
A
Where you in my neighborhood at the industry. I had a cool little pond with ducks. In years you had kids making bombs. Other kids stabbed their moms and collected fingernails. And you had people that did sold stuff in the contraband. Next.
B
I'm sorry I didn't get a prize. Private school where I had a dean and all that and I had to pray and kiss Mrs. Feet and I went to chapel every morning with the 12th graders.
A
I did not. That's literally. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. You just described your own school.
B
Okay, better duck.
A
Where are.
B
Okay, honestly, dead ass. Where have you seen a duck?
A
What the ducks eat bread probably. Okay, where's bread? Is that in the water?
B
That's such a bad example.
A
I'm. That's not my end all be all. I'm giving you series.
B
Okay, where? Answer mine. Where have you seen a duck?
A
On the pond. By the pond.
B
Okay. Why are they by ponds?
A
Because they like water.
B
They like it or. That's their home. That's where their. That's where their shipping address is. That's their billing address.
A
That's like a frog. A frog's an amphibian. Is frog seafood.
B
You don't eat frog.
A
Holy shit. You don't eat frog.
B
Who eats frog?
A
I've had frog legs multiple times.
B
Where?
A
At buffets, occasion spots.
B
You went to Razid? I never been a razzu.
A
Exactly. You don't know seafood. You're speaking on something you don't know. I'm sure you like gumpy little crawfish.
B
And now you know like crawfish.
A
I don't like an oyster.
B
I don't like crawfish.
A
You don't like crawfish?
B
No, I like that. Calamari seafood.
A
Calamari seafood.
B
Okay, but dead ass. A duck is it. You've never seen a duck anywhere? Water's not at. You never seen it. You've never seen a duck downtown. You've never seen it. You've never seen a duck at a piano bar. You haven't.
A
That's actually.
B
You have.
A
I have.
B
Okay. There wasn't like stolen for contraband and shipped there, bro. I mean, I'm not saying have to be by water. Ducks have to be by water.
A
I don't think they have to be by water. They choose to be by water. It's easiest for them because they need water.
B
If I got. If I got a pet duck, it would I not need water.
A
That's like saying if you get a pet dog or you're not gonna need water, then I'm still live by the pond.
B
Yes, they do. They have to float. So they have to do something there.
A
Dogs have to float.
B
No, dogs station.
A
Dude. They don't. Okay.
B
They recharge. There.
A
They. They are. I will say this. They are meant to be by water. Naturally. They have webbing, they have paddlers. They are supposed to be by the water. I would not consider them seafood though.
B
How much time do ducks spend by water?
A
What is the definition of seafood?
B
Here we go. Duck spin several out.
A
Listen to me.
B
Ducks spend several hours each day engaging in water related behaviors including preening. What is that? Bathing, floating, resting, dabbling and drinking. Ducks.
A
Oops.
B
I want you to kiss my feet when I read this next sentence.
A
Okay?
B
Ducks are semi aquatic waterfowl.
A
They are water foul youl ruined it right there. Foul. Foul water immediately water foul. Still foul. It's like water human. You're still your biracial.
B
Who cares?
A
First off, everything you just said sounds like a swimming instructor. That's.
B
That's exactly because they have to be by the water. Ducks are sea creatures.
A
Holy shit. Their jobs by the water. They're not in the water. They're not seafood. The fact you said foul. A duck is poultry and you can't change my mind. A duck is poultry.
B
It's. It's biracial. It's poultry. It's half poultry. Well, you can't just say that, just poultry and not acknowledge the water part.
A
I'm acknowledging it. It doesn't make them seafood. Everything else lives in the water. It is curated by water.
B
You saying ducks closer to chicken than is to see.
A
Yes. A duck is closer to chicken than seafood. 100%.
B
All right.
A
It is a bird. Holy shit. It's a bird.
B
It's a bird, not birds.
A
You just said it's a foul.
B
You said that.
A
You read it.
B
I read it.
A
I didn't Say it. Did you read it through your eyes?
B
Saying it wasn't my thought. What is that?
A
No.
B
No.
A
Shot in hell. Duck is not seafood.
B
You just. Have you ever seen a duck on a telephone pole you just bit?
A
What?
B
Have you ever seen a duck on a telephone pole? As a duck ever shit on your car? That's a bird. Thank you. Fly. Have you ever seen a duck fly?
A
Holy shit.
B
Yes.
A
They tried. They can't fly.
B
They can't. They can't. Exactly. So it's not a bird.
A
A penguin Still a bird. And they can't fly.
B
No. Okay. Is penguin not seafood?
A
You really don't eat penguin? I really don't think you should eat that.
B
No, I'm saying not don't do it. But it's a penguin seafood.
A
Don't know. I'd go with no. How? Cuz they don't, bro. They're. They swim in the water.
B
Have you ever seen a penguin outside of water where water's not around?
A
Name everything else that's considered seafood and see if there's a big difference.
B
You have to. That's fish.
A
Seafood.
B
Live.
A
It literally has to have water to survive.
B
It. So does.
A
Like.
B
So does penguins. A penguin will dry up like a goddamn raisin.
A
When did you go to Alaska? Antarctica even. When did you. When did you meet a paint?
B
Haven't.
A
Okay, so let's go back to the foul part. It's a bird. It's poultry.
B
Well, we can both be right.
A
No, we can't. No, we can't. No. Give me two seconds. Is duck seafood? Let's see. What the. I don't know. Greatest thing ever. Search engine. Holy. Holy shit. You look it up on your own phone, too? It literally starts with no. No. Duck is not considered seafood, but it is a type of poultry.
B
What website you get that from?
A
Wikipedia.
B
Thank you. Shut up, dude. Shut up. Which way? This way. I don't want to hear a goddamn word. You're a liar. Manipulator. You're going to hell. This is what I'm saying.
A
Wikipedia.
B
Listen, just wait.
A
University of Idaho.
B
Wait.
A
Why is Idaho doing this?
B
Wait. Do you realize every debate we have and Cam looks something up to try to prove his point, the website he uses is Wikipedia. Hey, I went to public school. Maybe they didn't care in private school, but in public school, especially Ms. Winkler's class, they said you cannot use Wikipedia as a source. I wonder why. Because they say things like that. And the only website Cam ever uses to try to negate my smart point is Wikipedia.
A
Okay, cool. Now that you're stupid. Winkler. Monologues over with you ever. This one is eatforhealth.gov government sanctioned website. Poultry, Chicken, turkey, duck, emu, goose, bush. Birds. Birds. Duck is poultry.
B
Well, I'm gonna cut that part out because you said.
A
Oh my God.
B
You said Wikipedia.
A
Oh my God, you're the. You're Satan himself. Your crooked loose gooch. Oh my God.
B
The you should know podcast. This episode is brought to you by our friends at Mando. And I'm sure you've heard me talk about the Mando whole body deodorant at this point. Sure have I. You see the ads everywhere on espn. Every time I'm watching a sports game, I see it. You can it on your body. Yes, Your whole body. It's a dermatologist. Tested and gentle on your bits.
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To the rest of the episode, the you should know podcast. Okay, I've been seeing this thing on Tick Tock and you know, I'm not too well educated. I dropped out of school and I failed art in the second grade.
A
You know a lot of things you should, but you're missing a lot.
B
I know a lot of things I should like.
A
Things you should know as a 25 year old man. Yeah, there you go.
B
That's where the name came from. No, it's not you.
A
Hello?
B
Okay, so I saw this thing on Tick Tock, right? And every time somebody's telling a story, they always say, imagine explaining this to a Victorian child.
A
God, I love this already.
B
Okay.
A
Oh my God.
B
And I didn't know what a Victorian child was. I wasn't aware of that era. So I Want to. I want to do a game with you. I want to try to explain things to you as you being the Victorian child.
A
Oh, my God.
B
Because I don't think I can explain things well. And I don't think you're going to make this easy on me.
A
With you, I'm going to give you the greatest Victorian you've ever seen. Oh, I'm gonna give you a. Oh, I'm gonna give you a William.
B
Okay. Cam has a list of things he wants me to explain to him as a Victorian child. And I'm gonna try my best.
A
All right.
B
Is that your Victorian? I guess.
A
I don't know. I'm just gonna go like a bridge. I don't know how to go.
B
Okay.
A
Um. How?
B
What?
A
Without being by a five hour energy. What? How do I get energy for five hours?
B
So basically a five hour energy is like a little drink capsule.
A
What's a capsule? A drink is a pill. It's a pill of liquid. It's a drink capsule.
B
So it's like a mini drink. It's a little cup.
A
What's mini? Was mini mean?
B
They don't know what mini means?
A
I'm not sure many. Is it small?
B
Yeah. Okay. Little like the size of my pinky. It's this thing the size of my pinky and inside of it there's a drink.
A
Okay.
B
Liquid.
A
Liquid, Liquid, Liquid.
B
Liquid. You know what that is?
A
Liquid.
B
You know what that is?
A
Liquid.
B
You smell like shit. You should probably take a bath.
A
What's a bath?
B
I can tell you don't know. So it's this little cup.
A
Is a cup of drink or capsule?
B
Just a little drink.
A
Okay.
B
The size of my pinky.
A
Okay.
B
And when you drink it.
A
Right, so it's like tea with the queen.
B
Exactly. Okay. But when you drink it, you get more excited for five hours.
A
So it's a cup of happiness? Yes, for a short time, yes.
B
But it's not acid.
A
But how does acid. I'm drinking acid. What's in this cup? Why am I getting happy?
B
I don't think anybody knows what's in it. But you'll get real energetic for five hours. That's a five hour energy.
A
I don't like that at all.
B
And you still need to be.
A
What is popping boba balls? Popping boba balls at a froyo place. What in God's green earth is froyo? What's a popping boba from froyo? Sounds like my cousin.
B
So you ever been in China?
A
No.
B
That's where it's from.
A
Never.
B
Boba's from China. Right.
A
That's a bit racist.
B
No. Okay. Boba's like, somewhere in Asia. It's from somewhere in Asia. Right. I could. Is that right? I'm not trying to be a bit. I genuinely.
A
I don't know either. I've never been to Asia.
B
Where are you from?
A
They've got a great wall. I've never been.
B
So Boba is this. Drink again.
A
Good God. All yours too is drink. All right.
B
And at the bottom of the drink, there's balls. And they give you a testicles. No, not quite.
A
Okay, well, like little black testicles, you drink. African testicles.
B
I know. That's acceptable now, where you're at.
A
Oh, very, very acceptable.
B
But you can't say that.
A
Okay, so you're drinking testicles.
B
You drink. No, it just. I don't know, really. What? Just know they're little edible balls.
A
So I can eat them, too?
B
Yes.
A
You sure they're not testicles?
B
No, no.
A
Okay.
B
And they give you a straw, you know? Straw?
A
What's a straw? They give me wheat from the field to drink testicles. You have a gross stomach. You need a big visit to the apothecary. You need a lot of doctor help.
B
No. So it's like this tube, right?
A
What the. What's going on?
B
Okay, you're making me nervous.
A
Start from scratch. Boba from Froyo. What is it?
B
So it's a drink, right? At the bottom of the liquid, there's balls. Not man balls. Edible balls.
A
Okay. Made of what?
B
Not quite sure.
A
Okay.
B
Me personally, I think Boba's gross. But you. And they give you this tube where you can.
A
Oh, dear God. I knew you were a street swinger.
B
They give you this tube where you could suck the balls up. And then you get a mix of the liquid and the balls, and you squish the balls in your mouth and you eat it.
A
This sounds demonically kinky. You said they give you a tube, you suck the balls and liquid comes out, then you chew the balls. I'm never going to Froyo's house and I'm never trying his.
B
Boba give you something simpler, please.
A
Pop rocks.
B
Oh, God.
A
Pop rocks.
B
You know what candy is?
A
I know. Sweets. I like sweets. How did they make sediment sweet, though?
B
So. So sweets.
A
Sweets.
B
They're hard. Sweets. Right.
A
Okay.
B
And they come in a. You ever seen a condom?
A
What's a condom?
B
Y'all was all burnt up. What's it.
A
Oh, we were burning. There's a whole bunch of clapping around the village. What is a co. Let's go to that. What's a condom.
B
A condom?
A
Yes. Remember, I am eight years of age. A condom.
B
Well, to explain that when you're 18 years of age.
A
Okay, but I don't know where to go back with the pop rocks. If you tell me it's like a condom.
B
Okay, well, I'm not gonna.
A
Okay. No condom.
B
Like the rat.
A
I don't know, woman. I don't know.
B
So is these little sweet rocks.
A
But you got a lot of sweets in little things. You'll do everything mini, is that you called it mini? You said a mini drink. You got mini bowls. From a man. Now I have mini sweets. Did yours shrink as a society? Why is there no nothing large?
B
Actually got way bigger. They're making the kit.
A
Kids, you suck in tubes and balls, okay?
B
And it comes in this contain like this little plastic container wrapper. You know what a wrapper is?
A
What's plastic? I don't know. Plastic. Really? I think so. I don't think if plastic was around things in glass.
B
What's your life expectancy?
A
Probably like 44. Probably 44. Please, God, no.
B
And so you put these sweet rocks in your mouth. Sweet covered rocks, yeah, but edible rocks, not real rocks.
A
You can eat rocks.
B
Yeah, these kind of.
A
You can eat gravel.
B
It's crazy. It's crazy. And you put them in your mouth.
A
Does it not hurt your teeth?
B
You chew them. You do, but you're not supposed to chew them. You just don't bite them. You just hold it your mouth like this. And then it goes. It has a party in your mouth. The rocks, they go.
A
You have sweet rocks that have emotions and throw festivals and balls inside my gullet. Where you're from. And you mean to tell me you're not Satan? You have rocks that have lives that throw festivals in my mouth. And they have fun. And you're not the devil himself, dear God.
B
Ask me like two or more. I'll make it. Make it easier for me. Ask something simpler.
A
What is bo Tox? Boat. Boat. You scare me. What is Botox? Botox.
B
So if you see everybody in your village that's got these little things on.
A
Their eyes, the battle scars from war, okay?
B
And everybody looks a little droopy, little dry. So it's a needle that you put in your face, right? When y'all explore more west, you'll find.
A
Okay, so you stab needles in the.
B
Face and they give you this goo. Like this plastic. Almost like a plastic goo.
A
What is plastic? What is plastic? Help me with that. Is it liquid? More liquids? You drinking everything. You got rocks that are happy. What's plastic. Okay.
B
I'm starting to think I'm a Victorian.
A
How did you get that hair? And why is it not white like mine? Are you supposed to be here? Oh, okay. Botox.
B
Just back to.
A
Back to boat Botox.
B
Look at your mom.
A
You left off.
B
You see how when you look at her, beautiful lady.
A
Don't be rude to my mom's. Don't be rude to mom.
B
It's like. It's like, how is she? Only 38, but looks like she's 90.
A
She's quite dry. Quite dry. She wasn't a fisher woman. She was good inside the house.
B
So it's this needle, right? Y'all know what needles are?
A
Needle. Yes. They have the apothecary.
B
Yeah.
A
What is that? It's like it's an apothecary.
B
Is that a doctor's office?
A
I believe it's like. It's. It's like it medicines, potions from Satan dwellers like yourself. You happy rock man.
B
So basically, you stick this needle in your face and it puts this goo and it makes you look pla. Like it makes you look like an action figure. Y'all have those.
A
You mean to tell me I can stick my face with a needle and I'm gonna look like the wooden toy my dad carved at war for me? That is sickening. That is sick.
B
And then eventually down the line, they're gonna put them here too. Everywhere.
A
They're gonna put them on the bosoms of women. They're gonna put them on the breast. Does it make him better?
B
It's gonna feel like a hockey puck. Some. Some people like it.
A
That doesn't sound bad. Do they still produce milk for the young?
B
I don't know. Seems like that would be like lead poison.
A
Have you indulged in these hockey bosoms before? Couple. Couple. Did you enjoy a personal experience?
B
I mean, in the moment. I'm not shying away.
A
Remember, I'm eight years of age. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. Hey, Victorians would. They would flip the out if they were here now. My God.
B
Hey, I'm not going to lie. I. I didn't realize how hard it is to explain, like the most basic things people.
A
That's like someone said, do you think if you went back to the Roman empire with a sing iPhone, you could you take over the world?
B
Yeah. You would own everything. You.
A
There's no way anyone can stop you.
B
I saw someone say, imagine going back to like that agent, literally throwing the iPhone at them and then just running away.
A
Oh my God.
B
Like, imagine Talking.
A
They're seeing. They're seeing things they've never seen, dude.
B
It's crazy. Do you think I would do well in the Roman Empire?
A
Absolutely not. Absolutely not. Well, the only thing you have going for you is that you already don't eat enough. So you'd be good there. Yeah, because you wouldn't be a rock. Royalty, not duty.
B
I'm six, seven.
A
That's not. It's not due to your skin. It's not due to your skin. I'm saying they would immediately see you and you would be like, no, you wouldn't be a slave.
B
Who would I be?
A
Well, I mean, I don't. It depends on who's. Depends on the emperor at the time. You'd probably be in the military. You'd definitely be fighting for the front line. You'd probably die first battle. You're not the best.
B
Oh, I got good hands, but they.
A
Weren'T fine with hands.
B
But they have.
A
You have to worry about catapult slingers, slingers, slingers.
B
What's a slinger?
A
It was archers before archers. You know, David and Goliath get a good sling with stones. Slingers.
B
That's the one that got this. Achilles.
A
That's Achilles and his name was Achilles and he was a Greek, not a Roman. And he was fantastic. Oh, and when he was portrayed by Brad Pitt, he was damn good looking. Yeah, he probably looked like a broken thumb in real life though. Have you ever thought about that?
B
Yes. I was just about to say a lot of the people that they like, say back then were pretty.
A
Like there's no way.
B
There's no way.
A
There's no. Oh my God. Okay.
B
Like no one looked like Z walking.
A
Out of no grills. Disgusting. Tarnished underarms. Hairy and stinky.
B
I have no problem with that.
A
Boxes.
B
Oh, I like to weed eat.
A
You'd be. You'd be doing a lot of weed eating, that's for sure.
B
I don't mind a little arid hair on a girl. Show me you're warm.
A
Show me your warm.
B
You sniffed your wife's armpit hair this morning.
A
Hot take before we get to the sniffing. Right when she's about to shave and there's a little friction. It feels good. I like the way it feels.
B
Live. Let me just like a little.
A
It's like this live.
B
It's like a good.
A
It's like a texture thing.
B
You saved Cameron's freedom. I'm telling you, if he never found you, he would be in jail, dog. Like, that is some creepy.
A
Okay. It's honestly from an Overindulging of the love I have of my partner. I love everything about her.
B
That's beautiful.
A
Yeah, that's what it is though.
B
But you never met her. You would have to get that out somehow.
A
Now I see you're saying, but hopefully I would just have it. No, nevermind. I was gonna say hope I'd have a nice dog, but I wouldn't be feeling the dog's neck and its armpits. Stuff like that. I do.
B
I save you. I'm gonna save you.
A
I like Ruby's armpits too. Cute thing on animals is an armpit. There's not a single hair there. It's so cute and pink. Just go in there and get a little kiss.
B
The you should know podcast this episode is brought to you by our friends at hello fresh. With HelloFresh, you get a farm fresh pre portioned ingredients and seasonal recipes delivered right to your doorstep. So you can skip those trips to the grocery store and count on HelloFresh to make home cooking easy, fun and affordable. That's why It's America's number one milk.
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B
I love HelloFresh because it helps me eat better. So get 10 free meals@hellofresh.com Freeysk applied across sets. Seven boxes. New subscribers only. Varies by plan. That's 10 free HelloFresh meals just by going to hellofresh.com free YSK America's number one meal kit. Now on to the rest of the episode. You know what I want to do?
A
Huh?
B
On Patreon, I want you to do a podcast. Literally, just you and one camera.
A
Okay.
B
I want to see what you said. I would not just cut you off. I feel like you would just go into a place that you can't come back from. Like you would be so deep.
A
No, I was always bad at that. I have to have a topic.
B
Okay.
A
Like even in school, like if I had a free writing essay, everyone in the class would be done. I'd be two hours in with nothing on the page.
B
I'm gonna say something to you. Okay. And I don't want you to take this the wrong way.
A
I probably will.
B
I think you're like genuine Because I love you and you're my friend. This is my brother. This. Give me her. Love you more than anybody.
A
Okay.
B
I am starting to think you're slightly losing it a little bit.
A
What does that mean?
B
It's like the w. What do you.
A
Mean I'm losing it? I'm not. Where's your evidence?
B
It's just like the wire was never really connected. Like it was a loose, but it.
A
Was close enough to spark.
B
Yes. Now it's starting to. We're. It's starting to go like that. And I'm noticing it in small things, but I care about you.
A
Okay.
B
So I'm bringing it up. I'm not going to provide resources or help. Wow. But I'm just bringing it up to you so in case something does happen. I could say I told you the.
A
Same man that says I'm losing it. Going down a dirty, weird, bad, dark spiral, but not going to offer me help, resources and. Or love. Cuz you didn't say that. But you felt it. You're not offering love.
B
Oh, yeah.
A
The same man that said that me and CJ cleaned his kitchen today.
B
That's CJ's kitchen too.
A
For no. Who's. Who's more trash.
B
It's 50.
A
50. 50, 50.
B
CJ, I'll punch you in that.
A
You would be willing.
B
Yes.
A
You would be.
B
Yeah.
A
Holy.
B
Because we get the food from the same place. Okay.
A
Oh, oh, don't backtrack now.
B
No, no, no. I'll explain to you why my trash mostly is in my room or in the living room by the couch. Couch. That's where most of my list. I do have some in the kitchen, but if I were to say just the kitchen, I would say more.
A
CJ, he went from 50, 50 to now it's more of yours. Think about that.
B
I would. I would be okay. I wish I didn't clean it because on Patreon we could literally go into in there and I would.
A
There's plenty. We could do a whole house tour and show it. Oh my God. We should do that. Keep. Keep meters at the bottom.
B
Yeah.
A
And we'll tick it as they go and see who ends up with more. I bet my soul more is yours than CJ's.
B
I love my parents and I do believe they did a great job raising me. But there's some things I think they left out. Like as in childhood, I feel like they did great. Like. But as I got older, I think they started to relax.
A
They just took. They said we did. We did good in the beginning. He's Doing good on his own. Let's just take a backseat.
B
Like, from the time from teen to a adult absence, they weren't you, yourself and you. Yeah, it was more like, hey, you're gonna figure it out. Which I respect. I get it.
A
And you never have.
B
Okay. And that's a question, because I was laying in my bed last night, scary place, scary time, and I did one of these maneuvers with my comforter, and I rolled it on top of me, and I got a smell that genuinely made me depressed. Like, I was like, bro, bro. I'm never gonna find somebody. Like, I. It smelled like wet socks and, like, spicy ketchup and a little bit of mustard. And I. I don't know how often I should wash my comforter because I don't think I do it enough. No. Liv walked into the guest room, she goes, it smells like Peyton.
A
She said, you know, Peyton's been here. There's, like, clothes on the ground. The comforters are like, re.
B
It smells industrial.
A
Four drinks on one nightstand.
B
Okay, but genuinely, because I wash my comforter, being honest, every four to six months now, I get it, okay? I saw the reaction. But I want love and acceptance because I wash my sheets.
A
I always get that.
B
I wash my sheets in my pillowcases, like, once every three, four, Once a month. Okay, once a month. I wash my sheets in pillowcase. Once month. But my comforter, I don't know, because it's a bigger piece of utility. So when do I do that? Like what?
A
Put it in with the sheets?
B
No, it doesn't fit.
A
Oh, yes, it does.
B
No, it doesn't. No, it's not a proper clean.
A
Every time we wash our sheets and pillowcases, our comfort goes in there, too. You should just wash it by itself.
B
You probably. That's what I'm saying. I know that part. You should wash it by yourself.
A
But I'm saying, why are you not doing it?
B
Why am I not washing my comforter?
A
Yes, it's you, Peyton. You eat in your bed, you drink in your bed, you sleep in your bed, you fart in your bed. You have knives in your bed, you have trash in your bed. You read in your bed. You hang out in your bed, you sweat in your bed, you bleed in your bed. And all of that is either on or under a comforter. You should clean the comforter. Let's call a spade a spade. The fact that I've walked into your room and I've seen a laptop top, a half eaten apple, a diet Coke, and a blade sitting next to you with a Phone charger and underwear on your side of the bed and you have the nerve to think you should wash it twice a year is insultful. It is you.
B
That.
A
It's.
B
That.
A
That's not. That's not good.
B
I have a white comforter too.
A
Oh, I know that stains is. I know there's stains everywhere.
B
It's all by my area of the comforter. It's like orange and red and a little brown. Like there's a. Like it's like a dirty rainbow on. On the brim of my comforter and. Oh, I know. And. But I'm asking, are you rusting?
A
Are you getting wet every night and hopping in the bed just seeking stuff out? You just seep blood.
B
Okay. C.J. saw something.
A
I want comforter semen.
B
No, no, that's. You can't. They'll blend in. But that's on there too.
A
No. Yeah.
B
No.
A
Oh my God. What you see on his comforter.
B
Okay, he. So it was like a little wet spot.
A
You better speak.
B
It was like a little wet spot with like a brown dot in the middle. That's not what it sounds like.
A
No.
B
Wait. I had whataburger. Oh, I'm sure I had whataburger in my bed. I had the Whataburgers from the bird.
A
I thought he had a pharmacy in his bed going on. He had needles.
B
I had a. I had a whataburger burger. Like the bag, right? And I was eating the burger, but I always take breaks at about 1:30pm and I'll put it back in the bag and I'll just wait. And I don't put it back in the wrapper. I just put it plain Jane to the bottom of the bag. And so I started drinking my drink, right? And had ice in it. And one of the ice cubes fell on my chest. And so I put. I took. Picked up the ice cube and I put it inside the bag. But then I fell asleep and it like. It like it stayed wet for like three weeks. Dog like that. I don't know. Well, this flow. That's why I don't go to therapy.
A
Okay. No, you should. That's fine. Two things. Why are you drinking the drink without a lid? It comes with the lid. When did you get to the point?
B
Well, no, cuz I'm laying like this in the straw. I can't get access to straw on my back.
A
And because it rather waterboard yourself with ice and beverage. Second thing. The fact you put a naked burger in a brown bag without wrapping makes my teeth itch, bro. That Pisses me off beyond. Like, I cannot even explain that. I don't know if that's my ocd, my adhd. I don't know what it is. That would kill me. Every time I eat fast food. The bag it comes in, you fully empty it. You set your. You set your table, and that is now the trash bag.
B
Yeah.
A
And you went, drop it in there. You fall asleep. That's bullshit. Oh, my God, Liv. When you were gone, we had our boys weekend. This man knocks over a glass of Starbucks water. Knocks over water. There's a guest room, pure water. Knocks over the guest room, gets on the electrical outlet. First off, starts seeping down the walls. It's about 12 ounces of ice cold water directly in our carpet. And this is how I know he's doomed or he needs to take a lesson. I go, hey, clean it quickly. Clean it, please clean my carpet. He goes, gets a towel and literally goes like this. Throws the towel at it, starts stopping the towel, gets on a knee like this. And this is how much effort he was putting into it. Oh, Malachi might never. Oh, Malachi might never see his like that.
B
We know he's gonna have fun, though.
A
No, she literally said that today after she saw.
B
After she what?
A
After she saw your kitchen. She said, I don't know if I can let Malachi come over here. But then she said. She said, it's gonna suck because obviously he's gonna come over here, and when he becomes a teenager, all he's gonna want to do is hang out with his Uncle Pete. He was like, but he's going to become dirty. And I said, no, no, no. Hopefully in 15 years, Peyton can maybe learn how to use a Clorox wipe. Maybe by then. But if not, God help him. And I'm going to ask you the same little quiz she asked me the other day. And I want to see how in tune you are with a baby. So Liv has this thing called a. It's like a maternity cart, a baby cart, a moment cart. So it's like a. Have you seen things like a makeup organizer? And it's like those little towels.
B
Yeah.
A
Okay, so it's like that. It's on wheels. So that is for ease of access for her. All downstairs can be wheeled around. It's like an emergency cart for the baby. Okay, so with that knowledge, what do you think is going to be in that cart? Oh, what do you think's in the cart?
B
Diapers.
A
Okay, that's good.
B
Milk.
A
Milk. Milk. You think we're gonna let milk rot and become Room temp and spoiled. On a cart that's not refrigerated.
B
Milk can expire.
A
It goes straight to their gullet. And if you put it in a bottle and you're saving it, guess where it goes. Yeah. So no milk, no cold beverages are gonna be on the cart. That's not toys. Toys for the infant.
B
They don't play that.
A
Doesn't even know what an eye is. He doesn't even know that he's seeing. He can't hear. He doesn't know what hear. He doesn't know anything. And you think he's gonna be like, hand me my Game Boy toys. All he does is scream, cry, and eat and sleep. You think he's gonna be like, he can't speak. He doesn't know what life is. He's like this, just holding his tongue out, trying to latch to a nipple.
B
Okay, no toys.
A
So no toys and no cold drinks. But you got diapers.
B
A camera, the nest, the baby camera. So you can see him if he fell.
A
Maybe the. Maybe the monitor part.
B
Yeah.
A
Okay, there we go. If he fell, as if he's walking. He doesn't have kneecaps, Peyton. He doesn't have kneecaps. His legs are like linguini. He can't walk. He's not going to fall. And if he's even out of your sight, you're in the wrong. If he's not sleeping. So let's keep going. You are scaring me and my wife. Not really. It's okay.
B
It's.
A
It's a learning process as the kids. Here, put. Put your shoe back on. Why is one shoe off? Put your shoe on. Oh, my God.
B
Wipes.
A
There you go. Wipes and diapers. Wipes and diapers. Build off of it. You're in the right headspace now. Wipes, diapers. Powder. That's gay. That's decent. That's decent. Maybe some baby powder. Okay, she said we don't use that anymore. That's a Victorian thing. Okay. Wipes. Wipes. Diapers. Okay, we're in their wipes and diapers and clothes. That's good. That's good because it's gonna vomit on itself and have to be changed. Wipes, diapers, clothes and wife. Diapers closing.
B
No toys. No.
A
No toys. He's not playing. He's sleeping, eating or shit.
B
I don't know.
A
Wipes, diapers closing.
B
Comb.
A
Final answer is a comb. Your final answer is a comb for my bald child.
B
Oh, what's up, baby son?
A
I want to get this right. If my son.
B
Lotion.
A
If My son. There you go. We're getting closer. If my son was at your house, you'd be concerned about a Nintendo DS and a hair comb over food they don't eat?
B
I said the milk. You said no milk.
A
So babies. What age do babies eat?
B
30 minutes.
A
What?
B
They pop up? I thought they eat.
A
I thought that's milk, though. I'm talking about eat like baby food. You can start showing them solids at like six months. Okay. There's no food.
B
I'll take that back. You got a lobster for him?
A
No. What about his bare raw ass? That's chafed from pooping non stop.
B
Y'all said you can't do that.
A
No. You have to have a spoon, spatula, and butt crack. And you gotta get them all. Good.
B
You're spooning your son's axe 100%.
A
That sounds insane. And he will see this, but yeah. You take a. Like a silicone spoon and you spatula his ass.
B
You're spanking him with like a Krabby Patty spatula.
A
Yeah. And it's silicone. You put butt cream on it.
B
I don't think I want to be there.
A
Oh, you're gonna be there. Oh, my God. I can't wait to show you. It's 100% gonna be on Patreon. It's probably gonna be on socials too. When Peyton meets the bait baby, he's gonna cry. Lives gonna cry.
B
It's okay.
A
It's gonna be a magical moment.
B
I'm being dead ass. I want to meet him when he is first there. Right?
A
You will.
B
Like, he comes out, y'all call me. He said you could come meet the kid.
A
But clear the goo first.
B
Right?
A
Not on you. On the kid. On the kid. Relax.
B
Like I'm failing. I thought I was really gonna get, like. Get him a toy dog.
A
No, no. Like blocks.
B
Kids like what? Blocks and shit.
A
When they're too.
B
No.
A
One and a half. One. Like six months.
B
Yeah.
A
Three. Three months. He'll have stuff that he literally just put in his mouth.
B
Okay.
A
You don't put a block in your mouth. Gonna clog his airway. You're gonna give him Legos.
B
He shouldn't leave me with him.
A
He's gonna.
B
Okay. I'm saying. And dead ass. And I mean this. And I love. I love your son already. I love him. But he doesn't serve that much of a purpose to me at the beginning. Right. Let's be honest. I'm not his caretaker. I. I didn't sign up for that.
A
That's fine.
B
I'll meet him. When he's wrapped up and screaming clean, I'll be like, maybe you'll grow into it.
A
I knew you'd be a ginger.
B
So if he comes out ginger, I'm going to be. Oh, they're going to kick me out of the hospital, dog. I'm going to go with an air horn. Don't get worse. I'm gonna meet him. Right. I want to be there and say hi to him after I hand him back to y'all. I don't want to see him till he's six.
A
No, that's. You're gonna. You're gonna bro as soon as.
B
If I can't talk to bro, and I thought I could.
A
You can talk to Daxon. He has a full blown personality. He's had it for a while. He just turned three.
B
Okay. But Daxton is an anomaly of a child.
A
He's literally in the 99th percentile of height. He's gonna be tall as he's already tal talking.
B
He's smart, he's funny. If your kid's like that, yes.
A
Okay, good.
B
But if he's like, just still, like.
A
Creepy, A little gooey around the midsection.
B
Yeah. I don't want to talk to him until I can, like, play him one on one.
A
Okay.
B
And like, when I play your kid one on one in basketball, like, we.
A
Need to go hard.
B
Okay, No, I will. Because my. Like, I got. And it made me cry. Like, frustrated, but it turned me to a killer.
A
Yeah.
B
On the court.
A
Yeah.
B
I'm like.
A
And a killer in real life.
B
I've never hurt. Well, I've never killed. I don't even hunt. I feel like it's wrong. Cooper used to want me to go hunt with him. They would maim these animals. Sorry.
A
I wasn't talking about animals, you freak. Oh, I was just making a joke. Like a go. Like a Joe Goldberg joke. I've never even hunted. Oh, my God. Okay, yeah, I have enough of the kid.
B
You.
A
It's a learning curve. You'll learn as as a goes the.
B
You should know podcast. This episode is brought to you by friends at Rocket Money.
A
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B
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A
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B
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A
But I have a game for you.
B
Okay, I am in shambles already.
A
It's simply called would the world be harder with blank. Okay, so do you think our world that we live in would be harder with either option A or option B? Okay, I'm gonna give you two options and you tell me, and you need to explain.
B
I like this.
A
Okay. You said what? Said what? What'd you say? Okay, here we go. First, one very simple. Do you think the world would be harder with no deodorant or no air conditioning?
B
No air conditioning. 100%.
A
So? So it's always hot. But at least people have deal.
B
Yes. Because there's some people that don't need to wear deodorant. I was. I was told that by somebody.
A
Bullshit.
B
Yeah, Bull. I'll tell you who, and you'll be so surprised on who. Who doesn't?
A
Oh, I thought you said you were told that you don't need to wear deodorant. That is a lie and a scam. And those people do not love you, truly, because they are lying to your face. You smell industrial.
B
No, no. Know, I feel like there's ways around if there's no deodorant. There's ways around. There's soaps, there's something you could do. You could shave your armpit hair. You could do something. Baby powder, something.
A
Cologne.
B
Cologne. Febreze. Like I do. So you still want AC Is so important. Okay. So important.
A
Okay, well, at first you said no ac.
B
No. Which one would be harder? Is no ac?
A
No. No. You got to tell me the option you want.
B
No. Yes, that's the.
A
Which would be hard.
B
You just said you pick the one it would be harder to be without. And I said no ac.
A
Oh, okay. Okay. Okay. Am I okay? Am I. Here. Okay, okay.
B
Okay.
A
Do you think the world would be harder if you only had 30 flight credits your entire life? The second you're born, you can only take 30 plane rides.
B
Okay.
A
And it's documented. And there's no escaping it.
B
Yes.
A
Or there is no Mexican food or no Italian food ever in existence. Do you think the world would be hard with no Mexican and no Italian food ever? There's no chips and salsa.
B
Oh, my God.
A
There's no chips in queso.
B
No nachos.
A
There's no nachos. There's no pizza.
B
Nachos is American. There's that out there.
A
Okay. Yeah. There's no pizza. There's no. There's no Steven special. Pizza is Italian. Very much Italian. Oh. Who made pizza? The frongols?
B
The French.
A
The French.
B
Yeah, they did. The French.
A
Say three words in French. Oui, oui, oui. Go to hell. What would be harder?
B
No Mexican. No Mexican. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Don't touch me. Don't touch me. I gotta clear this up. They're gonna get me. No Mexicans. Mexican food. I. I have a. No, I have a list, dude. Well, that too. It would be okay.
A
Yes.
B
The greatest. They're the greatest.
A
They are. They're amazing. Oh, my God.
B
No Mexican food and no Italian food.
A
You saved yourself. Here we go. Would the world be harder if animals were the size of cars? Okay, so imagine Ruby the size of a Civic.
B
Oh, my God.
A
Yeah. Big Ruby. She would bully us.
B
I would ride her.
A
Oh, my. Oh, my God. You rode your dogs to work.
B
Oh, my God. But even Ruby big alignment on the.
A
Car is a bumpy ride. They'd be like, okay, animals. If animals were. I got a lot of hip force. If animals were the size of cars. Or if everyone on earth was passive aggressive towards you and immediately didn't like you in the beginning?
B
I feel like everybody doesn't like me in the beginning. Immediately, I'm like, I got it. I'm always working my way up.
A
It's always a corporate ladder, but for no gain. You always feel like you're just notching away.
B
Is that everybody? When you meet somebody, you think they hate you?
A
When I meet people, I think that. No, I think they are nice people.
B
You have a biggie. Go to.
A
No, I don't. I do think you. Rainbow bland. What'd you say? Stinky belly button. Which would be harder if animals were the size of cars?
B
Every animal in the world.
A
Animals. So you gotta Think rhinos are like the size of monster trucks?
B
No. Every animal being the size of trucks would be harder.
A
Harder world.
B
Because we would. We would not be the top of the food chain anymore.
A
So you'd be fine with just walking around every day and people like, just, what the hell? Get away from me. Like, I need a bagel. I'm sure you do, you little skinny freak. I'm so sorry. I was just trying to role play.
B
I'm sorry. Imagine like an ostrich the size of a Walmart. Like, pickup truck. Like an 18 wheeler. Oh, they would run congress.
A
That'd be dinosaurs.
B
Yeah.
A
We would bow to them.
B
Definitely.
A
So sacrilegious. Oh, my God. It'd be a fallen world. People would worship them.
B
Yeah, well, I wouldn't.
A
Oh, me neither. But here we go.
B
I believe in Christ.
A
100. Good morning to you. Last one. Would the world be hard? Harder if you can only date and marry. Date and marry people from your hometown.
B
I'm fine with that.
A
Look at C.J. if you.
B
Oh, no, Patreon.
A
Would the world be harder if you can only date and marry people from your hometown? Or if you're not allowed to do anything on Saturdays? No one in the world can leave their house on a Saturday. But the work week is still the same. No more Saturday night.
B
Just one day of your weekend is. Everybody's indoors.
A
No one can do anything. You literally, you cannot leave your house.
B
Would be 100 harder with this being in on Saturdays.
A
So Saturdays, you're picking Saturday.
B
100%.
A
You need your Saturday. I need my Saturday advocate.
B
I live for Saturday.
A
You live your week. You live six days in a row for Saturday.
B
You know my weekends now. I've changed my weekends to Thursday, Friday, Saturday.
A
Yeah.
B
Saturday is my Sunday. Yeah. You know what I mean?
A
Yeah.
B
So like Thursday, Friday, Saturdays must. Because Sundays I work.
A
Yeah.
B
So Thursday, Friday, Saturday. I mean, it's today. Thursday.
A
Today is.
B
Oh, we're going to Twin Peaks.
A
Why don't you. We'll talk about that here. So you're picking that the Saturday.
B
Yes.
A
Okay.
B
100%.
A
That was a good game.
B
Thank you.
A
In your mind is interesting.
B
If you. Quick answer. If you woke up a woman tomorrow, what's the first thing you do?
A
Touch my breast. Oh, I. Absolutely. No, no, that's the one too. That's the first.
B
I want to know what it feels like.
A
That's not the first.
B
I want to know what it feels like.
A
That's not the first.
B
First thing is. No, is I'm.
A
You have respect.
B
The first. First 12 seconds. Okay. Mute that. I'm.
A
Holy shit.
B
I'm exact. I'm exploring. I want to know what it feels like. I thought you have no.
A
Me. What does that even mean?
B
Cam would have a great front porch. He would have a fantastic back porch.
A
Oh, my God. I'd have an ass that make the blind see. That's very. Now that's.
B
You know, Cam, when I was walking in here today, I was thinking about your butt. Because Cam has a big butt. Like, he has a good butt. Like a good back porch. I noticed. Noticed when Cam walks regularly, it's like a normal person walking downhill. Like. Like that's Cam's normal walk. It's like somebody walking downhill.
A
But when I walk downhill, it turns on the Richter scale. It is. Our whole group has good ass.
B
We do.
A
What are we doing?
B
Who has the best ass in the group?
A
I'd say me or cj. It's not you.
B
No, yours. You have.
A
You have a gymnast.
B
You got volume, I'll give you that. Yeah, you got great volume.
A
We have quantity and quality, but I think you just have quality.
B
We put anybody in yoga pants. I think aesthetically it would be me the best to look at.
A
Aesthetic. No. No shot.
B
No. Because I got. I got the skinny legs right next. Do I do skinny legs? Like a sports ass and. But also I got a lower back. And it's pushed in a little bit so it makes it pop more.
A
Same analogy. You put me in leggings. I have thick legs.
B
Yeah.
A
And then a thicker ass.
B
You.
A
What are we talking about?
B
You would make go crazy 100.
A
What about CJ? CJ says he just be a.
B
No. Can you be too caffeine.
A
He you.
B
It would be so much calf, bro. It would be appealing. I'm sorry.
A
Oh, no.
B
Delusional.
A
CJ's calves are. God, dude. Look at him.
B
Yeah. It's sick, bro. It's like pulsating.
A
Okay, My last thing.
B
Do you get lightheaded when you run? How big? Like, pumped. Your cast must get.
A
Caterpillars are very weak. Weird.
B
They are.
A
Caterpillars are strange little. I saw a little commercial the other day and I really just sat there and watched it. It was like 20 seconds.
B
When's the last time you've seen a.
A
Caterpillar, dude, I never see him.
B
You've never seen a caterpillar?
A
No, I've seen. I said I never see him.
B
They're not around anymore, are they?
A
I'm sure they are. I'm sure they come out when it rains.
B
Like knowledge on. It's so strange.
A
Wants to be a part of it. And I feel bad. And I love you, Death. She's just.
B
She's like an old country person.
A
You know what she did? I went to the other room last night, turned off all the lights and stuff. I come back, she's listening to Dave Ramsey. Okay. And I go, what are you doing? She goes, oh, I've just spent the last hour listening to Dave Ramsey. I knew who he was, but I never really knew who he was. And I go, okay, that's cool. Do you like him? She goes, yeah. Watch this. I proceeded to watch a 19 minute YouTube video over a Dave Ramsey conference in Tampa, Florida from 2017. So after I watch that, I go, hey, I'm turning on Netflix now. You can still indulge if you'd like. So we watch Selling Sunset. Go to sleep. I wake up, she is already out of the bed. I go to the living room, she's tucked under a blanket watching Dave Ramsey on the big screen. She proceeds to say, hun, I want to go to a Dave Ramsey conference. I go, you are a creature of motivation. You didn't even know the poor bastard last night. Night. And now you want to go to his conference.
B
I didn't know who he was.
A
He just empowering.
B
All right, you keep talking, I'mma be like the dam. Ramsey.
A
Who? The name of Ramsey. Oh, his name's Dave Ramsey. Not Damon Ramsey.
B
He is a millionaire. Multi millionaire.
A
He is. He runs like a $400 million corporation.
B
Let's continue this talk on page and we're going to give those two Mike.
A
Good God.
B
If you want to see this conversation continued, head over to Patreon cam, get us out of here.
A
Appreciate you coming Back to episode 1 34. We absolutely love yalls. Another fantastic week here at the you should know podcast. Anyway, make sure you confuse the casuals and get your good karma with this week's secret code. Dip, Dip, dip, dip.
B
Duck is seafood.
A
Duck is poultry, you rat bastard. It is foul and it's poultry.
B
Why did I say seafood?
A
Don't know. You're losing it and you're trying to prove a point. You ignorant. I'm just kidding. We absolutely love y'all. Put dip everywhere, confuse the casuals and get your good karma leading into the next week. We are back again next week, same time, same date with episode 135. Make sure to go to the Patreon, the Facebook, the twitch, the discord, the Instagram, our Instagrams, the you should know podcast, Instagram everywhere to receive all your updates and all your extra exclusive content. We absolutely love y'all. And until next week, remember, 1 out.
B
Of 10 koala bears don't make it home to Christmas. And we will see you next time. And maybe a little spooky setting.
A
No.
B
Download this on Spotify. Leave your review and turn on your post notifications on YouTube. Thank you. We love you.
A
It's not seafood.
B
Yes, it is.
A
Goodbye.
You Should Know Podcast – Episode: "WE SAVED A Person's Life!"
Release Date: October 14, 2024
Hosts: Peyton Hardin and Cameron Kennedy
Produced by: Wood Elf Media
In Episode 134 of the You Should Know Podcast, hosts Peyton Hardin and Cameron Kennedy dive into a real-life incident where they believe they saved someone's life. Known for their candid and humorous banter, Peyton and Cam blend personal anecdotes with playful teasing, offering listeners an engaging and relatable experience.
The centerpiece of this episode revolves around an unsettling experience Peyton and Cam had at a local Starbucks. While planning their day with friends C.J. and Ryan, they encountered an elderly woman who appeared distressed.
Peyton Recalls the Incident:
"[15:03] A: No, she's fine."
"[15:07] B: But we tried."
"[15:10] A: I hope she's fine."
As they approached the restroom to assist her, the situation took an unexpected turn. The woman insisted she hadn't fallen but was experiencing a medical episode, specifically a relapse of colitis from December. Despite their attempts to help, including trying to contact her supposed family member, interactions remained tense and uncooperative.
Cam Expresses Frustration:
"[17:10] B: Can I just say the is faking. It."
"[17:12] A: Dog."
"[17:32] A: Yeah."
The episode highlights the complexity of intervening in public incidents, where initial intentions to help can be met with resistance or misunderstanding.
Peyton on the Woman's Behavior:
"[19:10] A: She was like, lady's fallen."
Cam on the Response:
"[20:00] A: Okay, she didn't fall. She had an accident."
These exchanges underscore the hosts' surprise and confusion during the event, adding a layer of humor to an otherwise serious situation.
Outside of the Starbucks story, Cam shares a perplexing issue with his Instagram Explore page, which was inundated with rabbit images at an odd hour, leading to a nostalgic yet strange flashback to his childhood experiences with a class rabbit named Pepper.
Cam's Reflection:
"[05:03] B: Everybody has an explore page, right?"
"[05:35] A: You're stranger than I thought."
This segment delves into the unpredictability of social media algorithms and how they can sometimes reflect our subconscious thoughts or past memories.
The episode is peppered with lively debates, including an entertaining yet heated discussion on whether duck qualifies as seafood. Peyton staunchly defends duck as poultry, while Cam playfully argues otherwise, showcasing their dynamic chemistry.
Debate Highlights:
"[46:35] B: They live in the sea."
"[54:58] A: Duck is not considered seafood, but it is a type of poultry."
"[55:54] B: Just wait."
These moments of friendly contention provide comic relief and highlight the hosts' ability to navigate disagreements with humor.
As the episode wraps up, Peyton and Cam reflect on their interactions and tease upcoming content, including potential house tours and deeper dives into personal topics. They emphasize their commitment to connecting with listeners through multiple platforms, encouraging engagement and support via Patreon, Facebook, Discord, and more.
Final Remarks:
"[87:02] B: We know he's gonna have fun, though."
"[88:09] A: That's fine."
The hosts reaffirm their bond and dedication to providing entertaining and meaningful content for their audience.
Episode 134 of the You Should Know Podcast offers a blend of heartfelt storytelling and lighthearted humor. Peyton and Cam's recounting of the Starbucks incident not only showcases their genuine attempt to help but also their ability to find humor in unexpected situations. Coupled with engaging debates and personal reflections, this episode serves as a testament to their enduring friendship and the relatable experiences they share with their listeners.
Notable Quotes with Timestamps:
These quotes encapsulate the episode's blend of sincere moments and playful exchanges, providing listeners with memorable snippets of the hosts' dynamic interaction.