WE TAKE AN IQ TEST! -You Should Know Podcast-

Summary

You Should Know Podcast: Episode 141 - "We Take an IQ Test!"

Release Date: December 2, 2024
Host: Peyton Hardin
Co-Host: Cameron Kennedy
Produced by: Wood Elf Media

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Introduction

In Episode 141 of the You Should Know Podcast, hosts Peyton Hardin and Cameron Kennedy delve into a humorous and candid discussion centered around their personal experiences with Thanksgiving festivities, the evolution of Black Friday shopping, and a lighthearted attempt at an IQ test featuring math quizzes. Throughout the episode, the duo maintains their signature banter, blending insightful commentary with playful teasing.

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Thanksgiving Tales and Traditions

Time Stamp: 05:00 - 24:00

The episode kicks off with Peyton and Cameron reminiscing about their recent Thanksgiving gatherings. Peyton humorously criticizes Cameron's approach to Thanksgiving, highlighting his exaggerated tales of seeking extra food at local kitchens—a play on his self-proclaimed "selfishness."

Notable Quotes:

• Peyton (05:07): "I'm 26."
• Cameron (05:08): "You dress like a seventh grader. No, I'm not."

The conversation shifts to their differing culinary preferences, with Peyton expressing his love for spicy dishes like jambalaya, while Cameron prefers milder foods, equating his taste to "mashed potatoes with no butter."

Notable Quotes:

• Peyton (06:33): "There’s not a time or place for it. If it's in front of me, I'm eating."
• Cameron (07:02): "I'm not a jambalaya type of girl."

They also explore the dynamics of their families during Thanksgiving, discussing topics such as multiple Thanksgivings per year and the challenges of hosting split families.

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The Decline of Black Friday

Time Stamp: 12:27 - 43:28

Peyton and Cameron delve into the transformation of Black Friday shopping, lamenting its shift from in-person chaos to online frenzy. They express nostalgia for the traditional outlet mall battles over coveted items like Coach bags and criticize the loss of the "magic" that once defined Black Friday.

Notable Quotes:

• Peyton (13:19): "I miss going down to an outlet mall, seeing people box over the Coach bags."
• Cameron (14:19): "Black Friday is online now throughout the whole week. The magic of it is gone."

The hosts discuss the overwhelming nature of modern shopping behaviors, emphasizing how consumers now prefer the convenience of online deals over the physical hustle, leading to a diminished experience.

Notable Quotes:

• Cameron (14:21): "No one wants the grind."
• Peyton (14:24): "We're turning to the things from Wally."

They conclude by acknowledging Amazon's dominance in the contemporary Black Friday landscape, overshadowing traditional retailers with its extensive online presence.

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Humorous Misadventures and Physical Mishaps

Time Stamp: 43:28 - 58:37

The episode takes a comical turn as Peyton shares a personal story about slipping down stairs in his house, resulting in bruised toes. Cameron reacts with exaggerated concern, showcasing their tight-knit friendship and ability to find humor in everyday mishaps.

Notable Quotes:

• Peyton (15:08): "I slipped airborne. Six steps down."
• Cameron (15:20): "You need to go to the doctor."

Their playful interaction continues as they mock each other's habits and quirks, including Peyton's stance on Thanksgiving plate logistics and Cameron's disdain for food mixing.

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IQ Test Segment: Math Quiz Challenges

Time Stamp: 47:38 - 58:37

Embracing the episode's theme, Peyton introduces a math quiz segment aimed at testing each other's problem-solving skills. The duo tackles word problems, albeit with comedic confusion and deliberate misinterpretations.

Notable Quotes:

• Peyton (48:24): "Math quiz for Professor P over here."
• Cameron (51:53): "I got three times seven? 21. That's the week. God, 21?"

The hosts engage in a spirited yet humorous struggle to solve the presented problems, highlighting their different approaches to math and adding an entertaining dynamic to the podcast.

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Final Thoughts and Reflections on Adulthood

Time Stamp: 62:05 - 87:59

In the episode's concluding segments, Peyton reflects on the concept of "peak adulthood," questioning how mundane adult responsibilities like buying sheets and blinds correlate with personal growth. Cameron counters by expressing his perpetual sense of youthfulness, emphasizing a desire to maintain a carefree lifestyle despite impending adult obligations.

Notable Quotes:

• Peyton (81:40): "How far are you from peak adulthood?"
• Cameron (82:19): "I still feel like I'm like 19."

Their discussion touches on personal development, lifestyle choices, and the challenges of maintaining youthful exuberance amidst growing responsibilities.

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Closing Remarks

Wrapping up the episode, Peyton and Cameron reiterate their appreciation for their listeners and encourage audience engagement through their Patreon and merchandise offerings. They maintain their playful rapport, leaving listeners with a blend of humor and relatable content.

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Key Takeaways

• Evolution of Traditions: The hosts explore how modern consumer behaviors have transformed traditional events like Black Friday, noting a shift from physical hustle to online convenience.

• Personal Anecdotes: Peyton and Cameron share personal stories and comedic mishaps, emphasizing the authenticity and camaraderie that define the podcast.

• Humorous Learning: The math quiz segment serves as both entertainment and a playful challenge, showcasing the hosts' ability to find humor in academic exercises.

• Reflections on Adulthood: The conversation on peak adulthood and maintaining youthfulness offers listeners a humorous yet introspective look at personal growth and lifestyle choices.

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Peyton (05:07): "I'm 26."
• Cameron (05:08): "You dress like a seventh grader. No, I'm not."
• Peyton (06:33): "There’s not a time or place for it. If it's in front of me, I'm eating."
• Cameron (07:02): "I'm not a jambalaya type of girl."
• Peyton (13:19): "I miss going down to an outlet mall, seeing people box over the Coach bags."
• Cameron (14:19): "Black Friday is online now throughout the whole week. The magic of it is gone."
• Peyton (15:08): "I slipped airborne. Six steps down."
• Cameron (15:20): "You need to go to the doctor."
• Peyton (48:24): "Math quiz for Professor P over here."
• Cameron (51:53): "I got three times seven? 21. That's the week. God, 21?"
• Peyton (81:40): "How far are you from peak adulthood?"
• Cameron (82:19): "I still feel like I'm like 19."

---

Whether you're reminiscing about Thanksgiving memories, coping with the changes in shopping traditions, or just here for a good laugh, Episode 141 of the You Should Know Podcast offers a blend of humor, relatability, and genuine friendship that resonates with listeners.

Transcript

[A]

This episode is brought to you by Amazon. The holidays are here and you know what that means. It's time to get your friends and family the gifts they deserve. Take the stress out of shopping with Amazon's great deals and low prices on a huge range of items from toys to tech and much more. Whoever you're gifting for, Amazon has great prices on everything you need this holiday season.

[B]

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It is death itself. Nosferatu we did R under 17 nanometer without parent. Only in theaters Christmas Day Special engagements in Dolby and Imax. The you should Know podcast. Hey everybody. Welcome back to the you should know podcast. Episode 141. Round of Applause please. I don't know if you can tell audio listeners. I know you can't because you're not watching visually, but all for the YouTube people. I got the new merch. Sean, round of applause for the new merch. Before I talk about it, if you're new here or if you have already, look below you subscribe button isn't pressed, you're wrong. If you look even more below that, you see that comment section isn't fulfilled with your name, guess what? Even more wrong. Go and fill that out. Get your good karma. Your good karma has come because you have one day left. If you're watching this on Monday because the merch is not on sale, the Last day is December 3rd. The reason we only had it available for five days so you can get it before Christmas so you can wrap this up, give it to your friends and family and loved ones. So if you're watching this on a Monday like a true, a true, you should know Patriot. I don't like that name. You can get it by Christmas if you buy it right now. To all the you that already got the merch, thank you so, so, so much. We love it. We love you so much. This is the best quality, the best piece of merch we have put out with the 3M technology. It is reflective somewhat. Let me be honest with you, it's not the most reflective thing in the world, but it is the best design we have ever put out. These sweats are so comfortable, the hoodie is so comfortable, the shirt is so comfortable and it is the most stylish piece of merch we have put out. We love you so much. Shout out to the Discord family, the Watch Party the Patreon, the Koala Club members. You know you have the biggest place in our shout out to the Patreon members one time and next month, January, the Patreon is going to a new level with new tiers with new content. The most content we're putting out the most content of any podcast. Patreon for the quality club members. The Facebook. We're bringing it back. There's a little technical issues, but we're bringing it back. Shout out to the Twitch fams. I hope your Thanksgiving was fantastic and I hope your holidays and your Christmases are even better. And the new year is approaching. But it's the same us. We love you. Now on to the rest of the episode you should know podcast. This episode is brought to you by friends at Manscaped. With the holidays creeping up faster than your aunt's fruitcake recipe, I've got something way better to share with you. If you want to look sharp for all those festive gatherings and maybe finally win the weirdest award, which is best groomed at the family dinner, you should talk about something else, like Manscaped. Check out Manscape's latest masterpiece, the Chairman Pro package. And trust me, it's like Rudolph for your face, guiding you to a smooth irritation. Free Shave head over to manscape.com and join the over 11 million men worldwide who trust Manscape by using code PSH for 20 off plus free shipping.

[A]

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[B]

On to the rest of the episode, the you should know podcast.

[A]

We got co host Cam back in the studio, Dirty fire dancing on the dance floor. Whoa. Uh oh.

[B]

I do like how you do on the dance floor.

[A]

I. I can move that.

[B]

Okay, well, first bleep of the day. Round of applause.

[A]

We could say.

[B]

We could say in the first five minutes.

[A]

Well, okay.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Move that. That tush.

[B]

It's okay, you already said it. It's all we love you you are dressed. You're. How old are you?

[A]

I'm 26.

[B]

You dress like a seventh grader. No, I'm not.

[A]

I have sweatpants on with my Michael Jordan Air Flight 11 lows and a shirt of Darth Maul, one of the greatest Sith lords of all time.

[B]

He is.

[A]

I might be in. I might be in the eighth grade. I might. I might escape from a field trip.

[B]

It's okay. I love you. How was your week, bubba? It was Thanksgiving. And I know Big Back Bootylicious Cam was all about Thanksgiving. I know you didn't leave a plate with an ounce of food on it.

[A]

I had fourths.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Seconds I had. I didn't have thirds. I had fourth.

[B]

Do you remember last year, Thanksgiving? We talked about Thanksgiving and I. And I expose you for going to the neighbors houses and asking for to go place. Did you do that again? This.

[A]

I did not do that. That never happened.

[B]

No, you didn't do that this year. But you went to the local kitchens wherever they were giving food to the less fortunate and you pretended you needed food because you wanted more food.

[A]

Right? So that. Actually it's strange that didn't. That never happened. And then am I. Am I answering about my week or are we just calling me fat? Because either way I'm fine. I'm game either way. But I did not go to a soup kitchen and ask for some jambalaya. I did not do that.

[B]

I did not jumbalay on than Thanksgiving would be wicked.

[A]

I bet they have in New Orleans. I guarantee that'd be. That'd be fire. There's not a that to me. Jambalaya is one of those foods. See, now I sound fat. You got me in my fat bag. Jambalaya is one of those foods. There's not a time or place for it. If it's in front of me, I'm eating.

[B]

I'm not. I'm not a jambalaya type of girl.

[A]

Oh my God, it's so good. I don't spices.

[B]

I'm not a spice kind of girl.

[A]

See? Yeah, you're a bland. You're like. You're like mashed potatoes with no butter. Oh, no cheese, no bacon, no chives and no sour cream. Chives.

[B]

There's a girl in seventh grade I believe had chives. She missed class for it, I think. Is that a real disease? Chives? Hives.

[A]

Hives.

[B]

Hives. I get highs when I'm anxious.

[A]

You. You get anxious hives?

[B]

Yeah, I'm stressed.

[A]

We're at.

[B]

Oh, my arms. Oh, yeah, my arms. Are my neck. Yeah, yeah. You really.

[A]

You break out?

[B]

Yeah, recently. Yeah, I'm going into nutritionist and I'm the seventh grader.

[A]

Yeah, you break your skin can't even hold its integrity when you start to think too much.

[B]

I don't have enough white blood cells. I think.

[A]

Be careful.

[B]

I got a lot of black blood cells.

[A]

There you go. Thanksgiving was fantastic.

[B]

It was.

[A]

The food was great. On so a thing about me. I actually get three Thanksgivings every year.

[B]

Oh, that's great to have a split family House.

[A]

That's soup. No, it's not. But it's really. It's really good for my stomach and my capacity. So we have lives, dad. Lives, mom and my parents diving into a quick story about, you know, my local Thanksgiving. Here, go talk about it. So our intern Pierce, you know, he has the affiliation, I believe his grandfather, big, high up, maybe owns it. Don't know the thing, but Greenberg turkeys. Remember how he sent those to us?

[B]

Oh, yes.

[A]

Okay. So he sends the turkeys, it arrives to my parents house in a box.

[B]

Strange.

[A]

I call Pierce, hey, what's the cooking directions? How long do I cook it? Oh, it's already cooked.

[B]

No, no, they can't happen immediately. Don't do that.

[A]

I don't know about that. And I go, okay, well how long do I heat it up for? He goes, oh, you don't. I go, Pierce, it's 44 degrees outside and there's a large dead bird in a box on my. On my father's doorstep. And you want me to eat it straight after using a box cutter? He goes, yeah, bro, if you heat it up, it'll dry it out. And I go, I don't know what barbaric Thanksgiving he has let me. He. He instructed me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To have cold turkey. Cold turkey on Thanksgiving. That is. That is against the law.

[B]

First of all, we got sponsorships like hello Fresh factor, Like all those, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They send food to the front door in a UPS box, right. You cut it open, you put it in a fridge, and then you heat it up when you want to eat.

[A]

It because, I don't know, food's good, warm, hot, how it's supposed to be eaten.

[B]

The fact that he said, and turkeys are big, especially those turkey. It's a thick turkey. Eight pounds of turkey. Turkey, eight pounds of feline.

[A]

Eight. No foul, foul, foul. Not a foul ball, but foul. With a double strike.

[B]

Eight pounds of foul on my door with tape on it. Yep. I'm not putting that direct to table.

[A]

There's no shot in hell he literally said that. I said, all right, bro. Like, we're like, just tell me. Yeah. He goes, no, I'm serious. Eat it cold. I said, who are you?

[B]

Yeah. No. Okay. It's bullshit. We say. I might say this every Thanksgiving episode, but I mean it when I say it.

[A]

Mmm.

[B]

Mmm. I'm not. Turkey is ass. Can I say that?

[A]

Turkey is not ass. Turkey's not ass. Turkey's not ass. Turkey is like a brown sugar ham. Don't you?

[B]

Yeah, that's the best.

[A]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Because it's sweet. Hey, eat the protein and like it for its.

[B]

No ham. This is my thing. You run your Thanksgiving plate, and I'll run my Thanksgiving plate.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

My Thanksgiving plate is like this ham. Yeah. Got the ham and the yam. That's all you. Ham and yam gotta have, right? And then rolls. Gotta have rolls.

[A]

Good.

[B]

Two to three rolls. Two to three rolls.

[A]

We're big girls.

[B]

And then a little bit of collard greens.

[A]

Mm.

[B]

That's it. Diet Coke. Sweet tea. To drink.

[A]

So you have two different drink options and you only have two to three side dishes for Thanksgiving.

[B]

I'm not a stuffing. I don't know. I don't know what stuffing is. I don't respect it. I don't want that. Thank you.

[A]

Okay, no leprechaun, stop. You shut up and listen. You get turkey, you get ham, you get yams, you get mash, you get Mac and cheese, you. You get some sort of casserole. Might be a Caucasian thing that's.

[B]

I don't know. Casseroles.

[A]

At my table, you get stuffing or dressing, depending on how it was made. And there is a difference.

[B]

What's the. Okay. Sorry to interrupt you.

[A]

And then you get rolls, and then you get drinks, and you don't mix your drinks like a freak bag. You stick to one and you respect the plate.

[B]

The reason I was trying to cut him off is because he's wearing gray sweats and he's talking about food. And I saw a little. I saw some move, and I'm not sure what that is. Either your phone's buzzing or you're a little excited about the food. What's the purple shit? The purple jelly cranberry. What is that?

[A]

It's good.

[B]

What is that?

[A]

It's cramp.

[B]

You eat that.

[A]

Cramp. It's not a sorbet, but it's like a. It's just like a spread.

[B]

You just fork that.

[A]

No, you don't just shove it down your gullet.

[B]

Wicked good morning to you.

[A]

No, you put it on the turkey. You put it on.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Jam on Turk.

[A]

See, you don't even like Turk, though. You.

[B]

You're not.

[A]

Okay, no. There's a new mandate going in. You're not allowed to call me young. You're not allowed to call me.

[B]

I've never called you young.

[A]

You started today's episode saying I looked like a seventh grader.

[B]

Yeah, because the way you dress, you are not.

[A]

That's offensive. Now that we're turtlenecks and slacks, honestly.

[B]

You need to start maturing your dressing up.

[A]

No, I know. I do. I do. But I want to be that cool dad.

[B]

Yes, dad.

[A]

That's like, if you need an extra. Like, I could play. I want to know.

[B]

You could be the cool dad. Yeah, I don't know. You could be the cool dad, but also, like, not the dad that's, like, is he underdeveloped? Like, what's going on?

[A]

Okay, I'm not underdeveloped. I'm not underdeveloped. Nothing. Maybe my mid. Now that. Now. Okay, now, when you dropped your head, I can understand why that is insensitive, but I need y'all to know from the bottom of my heart, I did not.

[B]

Don't worry. It's getting muted. Okay.

[A]

I did not mean. But overall, Thanksgiving, fantastic. Black Friday shopping, though. Can we speak on it real quick?

[B]

It's dead.

[A]

Black Friday's dead is murked, nuked. It's cooked. It's. It's done.

[B]

I saw Tick Tock, and it broke down. It was a comedy skit, but it broke down the timeline of how Black Friday slowly got worse. It was like. Like years ago. They did. Okay, we're gonna push it back a little bit. We're gonna push back till I get, like. Like, 11:00pm on Thanksgiving. Right. Just to get more sales or whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then it went to, like, 4:00pm on Thanksgiving. Yeah. And then it went to on. Thanks. On Thanksgiving. That's when Black Friday starts. We're in Thursday, but Black Friday starting on Thursday. And then they turned it to online, bro. And so Black Friday is online now throughout the whole week. Black Friday, the magic of it is gone.

[A]

It's so gone. And there's no more magic. There's no little freaking freckle fairy dust. There's none of that.

[B]

I miss going down to an outlet mall, seeing people box over the Coach bags. I want to see you fight over the Coach Bags. Fight.

[A]

Yes, I. Bro. I miss. I. I literally saw an elderly woman get shoved over a toothbrush in a local Target, and that's. That's the sport, the beauty that is of Black Friday.

[B]

Hit. Hit Bernice down.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We don't need her.

[A]

Shove that little boy down to get you a little seven dollar dvd.

[B]

If they can't fight over it, they don't deserve it.

[A]

Yeah. And dude, and then, okay, Amazon, right? Amazon was fantastic pre the pandemic. Post pandemic. They're. They're a mastermind, okay? They won't lose to anyone, right? Amazon's Black Friday started last. Last Monday.

[B]

Two Mondays, the Monday of.

[A]

Actually, no, it started the. Like, it started the Thursday. That's what started the Thursday before Thanksgiving.

[B]

Right?

[A]

An entire week. Hundreds of hours to not only not have to. And that's another thing. I don't think people are cut out for it. People don't want the grind.

[B]

Yeah. No one wants to ride no more.

[A]

City of being in your little comfy little stupid little sweaters and your slippers.

[B]

We're turning to the things from Wally.

[A]

Yes. Bro, we're gonna be just fat. Nobody's cruising through the galaxy sitting with Ro.

[B]

You're. You're just missing the galaxy part.

[A]

So I'm a fat nobody hanging with a robot. You mean I fell down the stairs in my house?

[B]

Why do they.

[A]

My weight. But I was. We were folding our soon to be sun's clothes, and I literally was walking down in my house slippers. I slipped airborne. Six steps down.

[B]

That's hot.

[A]

Slipper fell off. Toes got jammed in between the metal pipes. And I want to show you the bruising. I'm not kidding. Like, it's not. It's not horrendous bruising, but. Oh, it happened. You see that? You see that bruising right on that?

[B]

Oh, my God. No, I can't get over the top.

[A]

Okay. Okay. There we go. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Kim, I can't get over the goddamn toe. I can't get over the toe.

[A]

But just take.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Take a quick gander, cam.

[B]

Okay. Can I be honest with you? Can I be honest with you?

[A]

Oh, it's on the. It's on the bottom side of the other toe as well.

[B]

Dude. Yeah. You need to go to the doctor.

[A]

No, it hurt like you have a big hoof. You see that?

[B]

Oh, no, it smells like citrus.

[A]

Oh. Had a fun time with an orange this morning.

[B]

Okay. I was gonna say something about your feet, but I forgot.

[A]

You said they were big and gross.

[B]

No, but it was something else.

[A]

No. Let's recap the episode so far.

[B]

I'm fat.

[A]

I'm a nobody. I got big gross hooves, and I dressed like a Seventh grader.

[B]

Not your turn to get on me.

[A]

That's co host Cam.

[B]

My turn to get on you? Get on me.

[A]

No, you're beautiful. You're beautiful. You look great, you smell great, and I love you.

[B]

Okay. Thank you. But there's. So we were talking about Thanksgiving food, and there's a lot of Thanksgiving food I don't like. I don't respect it. Half y'all are nasty. And don't bring plates over to my house. I don't want. I don't know what goes on in your house. I don't know if you wash your dishes and your kids gross me out. And your pet is ugly. So that's all I gotta say. I'm sorry. If you got an ugly pet, you can't cook for me because that. Oh. If he can climb on counters, I'm not going to say what kind of animal that is. If your animal can climb on counters.

[A]

Yeah. I'm not eating.

[B]

I'm not. No. That. It can like Jiminy Cricket into your cabinets.

[A]

I don't want it to think it's a little lint. Bald poop.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Don't cook for me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, but also on Thanksgiving, I did something new, right? I've. I've been getting into selfishness. I've really been practicing it. That is.

[A]

You're just now getting into it just now? You just started. You just bought the crash course of selfishness.

[B]

Think I've been selfish?

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah. I know. You know.

[A]

No, no. No, you haven't. No, but. No, but.

[B]

Okay, so I. My biggest pet peeve on Thanksgiving is when my food touches. I don't want my food touching. Dude, that's gross to me. That's like. That's elementary to me. And it's like. It's foul. It's gross behavior. Those liquids shouldn't be touching. I don't like mixing of juices. I don't want a different color padded.

[A]

What liquids do you have on your plate?

[B]

Like the yam liqu. Collard green liquid. I don't want that touching.

[A]

You're so.

[B]

It's gross.

[A]

No, it's not. Continue.

[B]

It's like, I don't want to create art. All my.

[A]

It's all going to the same place.

[B]

So it doesn't matter. And I take a bite of one thing, swallow it, bite another thing. So I don't mix foods in my mouth, and I don't put drinks in my mouth when there's food in there. That's gross and that's gluttony and you're going to hell. So that's not. It's not what you should do. But I practice a new thing where I get different plates. I had a plate for yams. I had a plate for collard greens. I had a plate for turkey. I had a plate for everything else. I don't want my food touching. I had, like, six plates at one time.

[A]

Did you have a helper over your shoulder, too?

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Why do you have six plates?

[B]

I don't want to touch it. I don't want. Okay.

[A]

One thing that. That confirmed is your Thanksgiving is small, and that's fine. You've said you had a small family.

[B]

Yeah, but the second most were dead.

[A]

This. So the second. Take that back. No, the second thing that confirms is you either weren't spanked enough or your family is blinded by love.

[B]

What do you mean? I'm 25. They can't say anything to me now.

[A]

I would expect your dad to take those plates if I was your father. Let's do that. If I was your father and you sat down, you came back home, you sat down on my table in a house you grew up on, and you had six plates for six different things. I'd literally go.

[B]

What'S the issue?

[A]

Why are you wasting plates? The paper don't care. Why are you wasting them?

[B]

They're supposed to be used. We bought those four things.

[A]

There's not. There's no such thing as a one plate for one side.

[B]

There's six people out of Thanksgiving, and we bought a 200 pack of plates. I can use six plates.

[A]

And y'all have bad logistic problems as well. You're buying way too much. Way too much paper plates. That's. Peyton. You're not hearing yourself, bro.

[B]

What?

[A]

You're not hearing yourself. You would be scolded at so many Thanksgivings. Do you understand that if a girl brought. Oh, my God. A girl brings you to their Thanksgiving, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Here's my boyfriend, Peyton. Yeah, He's. He's doing really good for himself. I don't really want to talk about. Let's just have Thanksgiving, okay. Oh, hey, I'm Peyton. Oh, I'm Peyton. I'm getting Hide. Hey, can I get your wifi? You mind if I get your wi fi code, like, right now? Can I get your wi fi. And then you finally sit down in the. Imagine a girl's father watches you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Go greens. Mashed it, right, Yams?

[B]

Yes, he would.

[A]

He would. He'd ground his daughter no matter the age.

[B]

Okay?

[A]

He would ground her for Speaking.

[B]

First of all, if I go to some. I'm never going to somebody else's Thanksgiving unless we're married or we've been dating for, like, four years. But if I'm, like, dating for three.

[A]

Years, it's a no, no go.

[B]

Four years. You. We can. I'm saying if I'm going to somebody's. A girl's house, I'm say, I ate already. I ate in my house. I'm just coming here to meet you.

[A]

Dude, we need to help you for.

[B]

Why?

[A]

No, we need to help you.

[B]

I'm not eating at a foreign person's house.

[A]

Why? What if you walked in, they had a dog? Looks like he'd just be like, now that. Yeah, no, that came out. Okay. What if you walked in, they just had a. Just an ugly dog? Like, okay. Oh, oh, here we go. Mix it all together.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You've been dating that. You've been dating the girl for four and a half years.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

She crosses. You have not. Because she has not. You have not eaten today so far. You are blessing her with your appearance. They don't have WI fi. You can't be on your phone and your hives are taken care of.

[B]

Good morning.

[A]

Okay, you go in there, and the first thing you see is a mutilated dog. Yeah, A dog that is just gross. Yeah, absolutely. Like, I'm talking. There's slobber.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Teeth are like that.

[B]

How did that thing not get the needle yet? Yes, but too much.

[A]

No, I like it. I like it. But the dog is beautiful and it loves you. It loves you like ruby.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

Deep love.

[B]

Perfect.

[A]

But you're walking through the house. You see little balls of fur.

[B]

Oh, God.

[A]

Maybe a little piss corner.

[B]

Oh, my.

[A]

You see a little potty pad. But the dog's nine years old. Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All these things are going in your mind. And you go and look at that food.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you eat or not?

[B]

You know, Are you crazy?

[A]

Okay, okay, mama. Let's say her name. I don't even care her name. The mom of the girl.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She goes now, darling, I heard you. Savannah told me. I haven't ate yet. Not Savannah.

[B]

What do you want something more?

[A]

What? Do you want something more? Latrice said. I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. Jacqueline said you haven't eaten yet. Okay. Jacqueline said y'all hadn't eaten yet. Darling, go ahead and make your plate, please. Oh, no, man, I'm not really that hungry. I said make your plate.

[B]

I said. I said no.

[A]

I said make your plate.

[B]

I'd Be like, oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know that I was coming here to eat. Jacqueline is bad at explaining. You know her. I was like, so I ate at my house before. But I'm probably. I'm a big girl, you know? Just give me a coup. 38 minutes.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Couple 30 minutes.

[A]

Yeah. Jacqueline, go get your father's belt. I said make a plate.

[B]

Oh, I'll be like, all right, I'm leaving.

[A]

Jacqueline, go lock the door. You're like a horror film. You would still. You're a.

[B]

Do you believe.

[A]

Do you.

[B]

Okay. Do you have awkward dinner conversations at Thanksgiving?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Really? About what?

[A]

Not really, but. Well, it's just when there's dead silence and everyone's eating, you're just hearing. And then someone's like, so.

[B]

Oh, you think something.

[A]

Here we go again. What, do y'all have a DJ booth set up? You got a DJ and cranking vibes. You're sitting there with Hennessy and Coke. Okay. God, I'm. It's bad. I'm painting a bad picture. You got a dj, you got margaritas, and y'all are living the dream. No, we're talking five others with your 40 plates. Y'all having a shindig. A whole party.

[B]

Okay, sorry. My family loves each other, and we like to communicate.

[A]

That's fine. You're talking.

[B]

What are y'all talking? I feel like at your Thanksgivings, y'all talking about political things.

[A]

No shot.

[B]

We go.

[A]

So you hear that new tax administration? It's really gonna help this year's quarterly earnings.

[B]

Pass the water. Can you pass the water? Can you pass the salt?

[A]

I need to refill on that water. No, he said he's gonna do that new thing, though.

[B]

No, genuine. What do y'all talk about?

[A]

Which bro? Same shit. Family stuff. How's the kids been? What's the wrestling like? Da da da, da da bada bida.

[B]

I'm saying your Thanksgiving.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Not. Not lives. Dad's Thanksgiving.

[A]

Your friendly, friendly family stuff. Like, how's everything been? What? Snoo. And then it kind of dies off, but it's fun.

[B]

How long do you all sit at the table?

[A]

It's great time. 25 minutes.

[B]

Really?

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

I'd probably say 45.

[B]

You know what I don't like?

[A]

And then everyone kind of disperses a little bit. People want seconds. Come back, and there is talking. I just can't think on top of my head.

[B]

You know what's been weird since the podcast? I don't like that. I'm mostly the center of conversation now. I don't like that. I don't want to talk about the podcast.

[A]

Amen. I'm like, let's football cowboys play today, right? Like, yeah, but when you made that.

[B]

One, it's like, why'd you tell that joke about me? I'd be like, look at your molars.

[A]

Oh my. You go, Earl, they got business to the dmv.

[B]

Oh, I. I found.

[A]

Why did you make that joke about me? Like you can bite through a door.

[B]

The you should know podcast this episode is brought to you by our friends at Unbound Marino Packing for a holiday.

[A]

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[B]

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[A]

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[B]

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[A]

Not touched, 1/10 of the dish missing. When they take it home, they're like, oh, I guess no one liked my corn flake stew or something like that. It's like, are you kidding me? I got, I got a roasted marshmallow with sugar glazed yams and you want me to get your broccoli and cheddar rice casserole? Get out of town. Are you nuts? Hey, bring something that has more than 200 calories a serving and I might indulge.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

All right, 100%.

[B]

That was a great Thanksgiving topic. Recap with Thanksgiving.

[A]

Hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving.

[B]

Let's talk about food more because I know it's your favorite Topic. Oh, my God, I love TJ Maxx and Ross food. And so many people get on me for that.

[A]

That's. That is utter bull.

[B]

At the checkout line of TJ Maxx and Ross whenever they have like, that assortment of just, like, random foods. You get pretzels, you can get gummies, you can get Krabby Patties, anything.

[A]

And they're oftentimes hard as a coin. No biting into a penny.

[B]

But it's like the excitement, it's like treasure. It's like you are gonna buy this and you don't know the expiration scratched out on it.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

You take it home. You don't know if you're gonna wake up with salmonella or Covid.

[A]

Literally. Or just have a good night. Yeah, that's bullshit. Why does that excite you?

[B]

Because it's good. When you do get a good batch from Ross, you know, it's fire.

[A]

I've bought one food item from Ross and I think I threw up. I think I threw up that same night. It was like a peanut cluster. Turtles, something.

[B]

Why? Why?

[A]

I don't know. I don't buy food from Ross.

[B]

I think it's the most slept on.

[A]

It's a resale store, so let's think about actually what happened. That was on a shelf.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Somewhere where food is sold.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

No one bought it, so they sent it to Ross.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

For, like, you and me to get hungry waiting in the line for 40 minutes and then make a bold decision.

[B]

The only bad thing about the Ross food is the water. Have you ever had Ross water? Like, they have those big glacier waters in a. In the tin. It's like if you crack it, it sounds like a Diet Coke. Like, it's like it foam.

[A]

Hell, no.

[B]

No, Ross, food is the most slept on food ever.

[A]

What are you getting from, like, you're saying food? There's snacks. You better not be buying meals that rock.

[B]

Oh, no, but I get Krabby Patty gummies. It's my go to anytime those are there. And the chocolates from Ross and TJ Maxx will make you want to dig your grandma up and slap her. Like, it is the best. It is. So the little. They're like the little. What do they call? See?

[A]

Oh, those little sticks.

[B]

The sticks with the chocolate inside of them now. Oh, dude, I'll go crazy on him. Oh, you know what I mean.

[A]

Now those sticks, though. Now those can. Those can get a call.

[B]

Exactly, bro. I grew up on those.

[A]

No, those sticks were good. Did you ever fake smoke? I'm like a Stogie.

[B]

My mom didn't play with the fake smokes.

[A]

Oh, my God. I used to have a pack of fake cigarettes in my pocket. Little candy cane, little candy sticks.

[B]

What was your.

[A]

Sit there with my grandpa and gonna.

[B]

Be smoking together on the deck.

[A]

There'd be nothing on. Then he. Dude, he used to fart. My grandpa would fart.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And blame it on a frog that was in the backyard. And then when I would go looking for it, he'd lock me outside because I believed him. And that was. That's it.

[B]

Can we. Let's rank farts of family members. Oh, my grandpa's are the worst because their ass is sour and rotten and old. It's just old ass.

[A]

Like, it smells like Marlboro's. Like, Folgers coffee. Like, that's what a grandpa.

[B]

It's like a little bit of Jim Crow dust in there. It's a lot of. It's a lot of civil war, if you know what I mean.

[A]

I'm sorry.

[B]

It's bad.

[A]

You said a civil war fart. That might be the funniest. All day, bro. Think about someone having to fart during the middle of war. They're just like, get up. Like, that is so funny. Oh, my God.

[B]

So I. I'll rank my family's farts. It's definitely my grandpa, my dad. My dad. Oh, his farts are so bad. He used to have a Nissan Titan with. He's having. With, like, the mesh seats. He farted in that thing so much. You would sit down and it would, like, illuminate. It would go. I swear to God, like, you could call Preston right now, and he would know exactly what I'm talking. Solids.

[A]

No, it's just, like, going in there.

[B]

It's like the gas. It's like, into the mesh seat. You'd fart so much in it. Because my dad used to eat, like, flagrantly, like, healthy. And so far to the worst.

[A]

Oh, my God, man.

[B]

And I'm not gonna lie. If I ever heard my mom fart, I think I disown her. I think I put her in a home.

[A]

Your mom's never farted in front of you?

[B]

Not on purpose. I walked past a toilet one time, and I heard it.

[A]

Oh. And she was still like, no. She's, like, shushing herself.

[B]

Oh. I was like, it's like a marching man. She's gonna. She's going to yell at me for saying that.

[A]

First in my family. Olivia. Second place.

[B]

Olivia.

[A]

Olivia. Third place, Malachi. Through Olivia.

[B]

Her.

[A]

Dude, her farts have been rancid and her mom. Okay. First off, Timmy P. Yeah. I want you to think about this. Tim's farts are so bad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He leaves his home.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He has to poop.

[B]

Do. My dad does the same thing. Or you sue.

[A]

That's bullshit. He'll drive to a local gas station and poop in it and come back. Yeah.

[B]

Don't skip past live, though. You got to stay on live lives. Farts are top tier. It is.

[A]

It is like sewage. It's like a waste plant. It's like. It is. I can't. It's undescribable. Like, it is so bad. And it's always at night. And that's supposed to be your like sacred, sacred hours. Just sanctuary in a bed. It's cold, you're cozy. You got little Ruby keeping your crotch warm. And then all of a sudden you're just hit with like a toxic, like a Knox grenade from. What's his name. From Apex. What's his name? No, not fuse. The big.

[B]

The.

[A]

It's. It's caustic. Like it's natural gas, bro. It's not. It's not like, like, it's not like butt.

[B]

But the worst person ever. Worst smelling butt ever, is our editor, cj.

[A]

No cj.

[B]

Dude, I threatened to fight him the other day. He thought, bro, he thinks his games like, bro, we're not. We're going to go get food, right? We stop at target. We're pulling into the target and I hear like, just hear some in the passenger. It's like, like that, like little spurts. And I go. I hear it. But the fact that it was continues. I go, see, you just shit. And he goes, nah, bro, it's my slide. I reverse this parking spot and I never directly just get out of my car. I always like doom scroll for about 14 seconds. Have to before I go in.

[A]

We know that I'm doom scrolling and I'm doom scrolling.

[B]

And I hear him chuckling and I'm not registering what he's talking because I like to ignore him a lot. Like, I don't want.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah. Everything that comes in is not going all the way and you know, going out. So I hear him chuckling, but then I'm like, this chuckle's a little too long. I look like, what are you laughing at? And as soon as I turn, I tasted it. I tasted. It was like the back of my tongue, like he defecated in it. And I literally almost put hands and feet on this young man and sent him back to Arkansas. I almost fired him. I was like, bro, you can't play like that. Like, that's not funny, dog. Like. And then I left. A window rolled down when we left because I was like, that has to air out. I come back to the car, the windows rolled up. I said, cj, what happened? He goes, I rolled it up, bro. You hot box my car.

[A]

Your ass gas was just fuming in the. In the car the entire time you're in the store, bro. You know, he's disrespectful.

[B]

Shit, dude, he's the most disrespectful person I know.

[A]

We walk around here, he'll just like, wait, I got some for you. It's like you're. You're like six years old.

[B]

Yeah. No. C.J. staying home for tour next door.

[A]

No. Yeah. You're not coming. You're just. You gotta clean your ass or you're not.

[B]

Or you get a different plane, a different hotel.

[A]

Oh, my God. That's made me think some. What? What? What's in your bag?

[B]

What?

[A]

What?

[B]

Not a.

[A]

Not a. Not a what. What's in your bag?

[B]

What's in my bag?

[A]

Huh?

[B]

I'm going to go getting dragged. Huh? Put on makeup and a nice old wagon. Now I'm gonna go and touch that dragon. Go, Kim, it's your turn. Huh? Go, Kim. It's your turn. Okay. Huh?

[A]

Huh? It's my turn. Yep, big body's in here to big burn.

[B]

What? What?

[A]

Smoking drugs?

[B]

Why are you always smoking drugs?

[A]

That's all I listen to.

[B]

Freestyle real quick.

[A]

Okay, go. That's your nervous thing. You always go like that. You don't. You can never. If I was like, start a beat, you'd be like. Like, bro, it just registered. You always do that. I do bracket back in juco. You're like, video. When someone says, hey, how's that beat sound? You're like. It was something like. You just have like. Where's one beat?

[B]

You want to play this game? Go to our arteries? Let's release the footage.

[A]

Oh, God.

[B]

You can't even just say a sin. It has to go da da, da, da, da before. All right, here we go.

[A]

Okay. Mm.

[B]

Go.

[A]

Let's finish each other.

[B]

I'll finish.

[A]

Hey, yo. No, stop it. I do a bars. You do a bar.

[B]

Let's go bar for bar.

[A]

Here we go.

[B]

Huh? Huh?

[A]

Okay, here we go. Find the beat.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Sitting in the studio drinking some Red Bull.

[B]

I'm gonna go and hit him in the head. Red Bull's hard to. Why would you. Bull. Yeah.

[A]

Bull.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

School Cool. Fool.

[B]

Drool okay, here we go. Let me start it off. Okay. Cam's got a big head and he stinks.

[A]

You got braids and you wash in the sink.

[B]

Cam's got hips that don't lie. I think he is a big old guy.

[A]

I'm a big guy, but at least I'm not scrawny.

[B]

Cam gives me hand real hard. I'm gonna took picture him.

[A]

I'm gonna finish to a picture of me. To a picture. Okay. Peyton shows his ass on facetime. He gets butt naked at the drop of a dime. This is harder.

[B]

Speaking of things coming out of holes, did you know when whales blow out water, they don't blow out water that's not water coming out of their hole. I figured that out.

[A]

Yeah, you knew that. Yes.

[B]

What do you. What is it then?

[A]

What is it?

[B]

You tell me since you know I'm not. Step on me and tell me what it is. What is it? Air? Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, it's air.

[B]

It's their. Pretty sure it's carbon dioxide.

[A]

There's. Yeah. Ed's declassified over here. Hey, just because you're one year out of high school doesn't mean. Doesn't mean you drop scientific bars on us.

[B]

Okay? But I thought they were like put on a show Shamu. And they're blowing, but it's basically. It's the equivalent to when you blow out, like when it's cold outside. And it's like that. You see your breath. That's basically what that is.

[A]

Yeah. It's also because they're underwater. So when they go up to breathe, their holes still covered with water. Let's imagine you had, I don't know, a mouthful of water and you went to breathe out.

[B]

They open their mouth under there.

[A]

You think? No. They eat through their belly button. Yeah, they open their mouth.

[B]

Can whale sleep on land?

[A]

Dude, your fixation on where these underwater creatures sleep is my. I'm gonna buy you a scuba tank and a whole suit and I'm just gonna throw you in the Atlantic.

[B]

I die.

[A]

No, you wouldn't.

[B]

I can't swim.

[A]

That's the suit and that's the tank part.

[B]

You tanks for the breathing, you get to. Yeah, but I have to go to the bottom.

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

I can't float.

[A]

You're on a cord. You're not buoyant. Yes, that's what. There's water on the hole and they're breathing.

[B]

I'll never go to the middle of the ocean. That's my biggest fe. The middle of the ocean.

[A]

Middle of the ocean.

[B]

But not just the middle of the ocean. My biggest fear is a storm in the middle of the ocean. I think that is from like the hell Resilience. Like they put that.

[A]

Who the Hell Resilience.

[B]

The biggest gang from hell. You ever heard of them? The Hell Resell Hell Resilience.

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're teaching me something new. You're lying to my eyes.

[B]

Oh, a little bit of both.

[A]

Okay. The hell.

[B]

Yeah. No, it's. It's genuinely my biggest fear because I was watching Outer Banks and they were in the middle of the seat, first of all. Mmm. Actually, never mind. I was gonna go in on Outer Banks. They had a drunk guy jump in the water to save a pregnant lady, and he did it. And then she. They came up on the same shore as the rest of the group, like three hours later. Are you kidding me? We're in the middle of the ocean. Yeah, there was a storm. One of them fell off. She's pregnant. The other dude, he's drunk. Jumps in the middle of the storm in the middle of the ocean. Everybody's crying. We lost some. The rest of the group that was on this stayed on the ship. Like normal people washes up on a random shore, right? Just a middle of the island somewhere. They're like, oh, they died. We're never gonna see them again. And then they come out the water.

[A]

Are you kidding me? Bullshit.

[B]

The middle of the ocean bullshit.

[A]

Yeah. No, it's not Phelps out there, but.

[B]

A storm in the middle of the ocean is my biggest fear. I don't think there's any other storm or disaster that could be scarier than a storm in the middle of the ocean.

[A]

I think if we. It would take the convincing of, like the world's greatest negotiator. But if we could get you on a cruise.

[B]

No, cruises are pointless.

[A]

No, they're not talked about this. The cruises are not pointless. If we could get you on a cruise, you would experience it. It would kind of ease your hives a little bit and then you wouldn't be as afraid. But it is scary.

[B]

What is it? Can you think of any storm or, like, disaster that would be worse than a storm in the middle of the ocean?

[A]

I'd say anything that affects actually us. Like. No, I'm saying a volcano eruption.

[B]

No way. Yes, you can run from volcano eruption.

[A]

You can run from a volcano eruption?

[B]

Yes. The lava goes up and it spoots out. You see it rumbling. You can hear it rumbling for a little bit.

[A]

Hear it rumbling like. Like you wired it up. First off, you can't evacuate. You Days before. Like when. It's about when it. When the rumbling starts, they're like, get the hell out of here. They're gonna be back. Even if you've heard of Pompeii, that's.

[B]

When they bombed the beach.

[A]

No, Nope, nope, not at all. Pompeii mountain volcano, right? And everyone's like this.

[B]

Oh, that's sad.

[A]

Very sad.

[B]

Was it a low volcano?

[A]

It was a huge volcano.

[B]

High in the sky.

[A]

Hill on a hill. So in the skies on a hill, it erupted and it burned. You get entire city.

[B]

You can run from lava. You can't run from a storm in the middle of the ocean.

[A]

What? You're. No, you've. You're not in the middle of the ocean.

[B]

If you were, you were on a cruise.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's more actually accessible than going next to a volcano. That's more likely.

[A]

There's a first off, what do you think a cruise is? You think we born Galveston? They go, hey, let's go into the middle of the earth and turn around. No. Yes, they know.

[B]

How do you get from one part of the world to the other? Through boat. You gotta go to the middle of the ocean.

[A]

From Galveston to Mexico and back.

[B]

You went to the cheapest no cruise ever.

[A]

Oh, don't do that.

[B]

If you go to the nice cruises that go to Jamaica and places like that, like the expensive ones. Yeah. You got to go through the middle of the ocean.

[A]

Are you aware how close Jamaica is to us? Jamaica's not in the middle of the ocean.

[B]

The Bahamas, Jamaica? Yeah.

[A]

You need to look at a map. A math would benefit you very much.

[B]

What are you saying?

[A]

You think Jamaica's in the middle of nowhere?

[B]

No, it's in the Bahamas, which is close. You got to go through the ocean to get to the Bahamas.

[A]

Well, no shit, you're not gonna ride us freaking razor scooters.

[B]

Storm happened on the way to the Bahamas.

[A]

Not in the middle of the ocean. You're not in the middle of the ocean. You're not in the middle of the ocean.

[B]

Were you on the side of it?

[A]

No, you're on like a coastline. Your whole thing was. Oh, you didn't scare storm in the middle.

[B]

So you're saying on a cruise you're on the. On a coastline. You can see a. Just laid out, getting her getting suntan.

[A]

Okay. No, I didn't see exactly.

[B]

You're in the middle of it, dude.

[A]

You're not in the middle of the. Okay, what's your, what's your definition of middle? Let's start there.

[B]

The Middle. Oh, not great. There's a shore, a shore, a shore and a shore. You're not on the shores and you're in the middle. Not in the dead middle. But there's no.

[A]

My God. So we're quarter, right? Middle.

[B]

No, two thirds. There's no accessible land around you. The middle of the ocean.

[A]

That's not middle of the ocean, though.

[B]

Where is it?

[A]

That's just ocean. You are near land, you're maybe a day away. A 12 hours.

[B]

Exactly. If I'm a day away from land, I'm out there. I'm in the middle of the shit.

[A]

Middle of the ocean is like the ships that take three weeks to bring all the cargo over. That would be middle of the ocean. They are screwed. If something happens, you're screwed.

[B]

If you're in a cruise on the way to the Bahamas from Texas, Cam, and there's a storm, are you not screwed?

[A]

First off, you probably leave from Florida. If you're going to Bahamas, but you still leave in Galveston. But anyway. No, you're not.

[B]

How. What are you gonna do?

[A]

Because there's hydraulic chambers, there's suspensions. They have. They have things that.

[B]

Those big waves, like Wolf of Wall street, like that kind of storm. You're not screwed.

[A]

No, it's a cruise ship. It's huge.

[B]

The bigger they are, the harder they fall. Do you never hear of that, Coach? No, no.

[A]

Yes, I've heard that, but it's. It's.

[B]

You're.

[A]

You're just scared.

[B]

You're scared.

[A]

That's fine.

[B]

I am scared. I'm damn sure not scared of a volcano. Cam.

[A]

How are you not afraid of a volcano?

[B]

Because you can run from the lava.

[A]

Burning alive or drowning, which is worse.

[B]

I had a friend that drowned.

[A]

Me, too.

[B]

He's dead.

[A]

Same.

[B]

Well, he's not dead.

[A]

Oh, mine is.

[B]

No, I said minus.

[A]

Oh, wait, what? Yeah, he's not dead.

[B]

No, he is. I thought. You're saying yours is it.

[A]

No, mine is. Oh, you're the one that said not dead. We're not about to dap up over this, but drowning or burning alive, equally terrible, I think.

[B]

Which one's quicker?

[A]

Probably.

[B]

Probably drowning would be quicker, Right?

[A]

Probably.

[B]

So I'd say drowning.

[A]

You know, drowning, it's not actually. You can't get the oxygen.

[B]

It just. It fills up your lungs.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So sad.

[B]

Hey, Sad.

[A]

But back to being burned alive from magma, I don't think.

[B]

It's not burned alive. He's poor. Melted alive, it's not being burned. Burned alive is a fire. Melting is the liquid. You're melting off. You're not on fire. If you're in love, they don't go.

[A]

Down into a brick of human. And they mold them. When people get hit with a volcano and from the ash and everything, some of them literally go. They turn into this, like, stone.

[B]

Oh, that. I pick that. I would love to be stone. I want to be stuffed. Anyway. Oh, that's what I was gonna say about your foot. You know how I like keeping souvenirs? I want to cut your foot off when you die.

[A]

Okay, well, you're gonna be hanging above my door. You're gonna be long gone before I die. You're gonna be. I will amputate my foot and place it on your Tombstone on your 15th anniversary whenever I'm about to go, okay, yeah.

[B]

Or okay, but say, like, whatever, we both grow up.

[A]

Old tragedy.

[B]

No, say we both grow old. Like, I'm lucky enough. Like a miracle happens and. And you go before me. Okay, I want to cut your. Your foot off, and I want to hang it above my door. And I'll slap it like it. Like.

[A]

Like a high five?

[B]

No, like, you know, whenever you're playing college football and they run out of the tunnel, they slap the. Good luck.

[A]

Today's gonna be a good day.

[B]

Here we go.

[A]

Doom scroll. All right, let's get you. Just give me a foot five with my dead foot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're a creep. You're an absolute creep.

[B]

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[A]

All right, buddy, I know I made some jokes. I know you made some jokes about the age and whatnot, but one thing you're never. You're never. You're never gonna beat the accusations. And I said that.

[B]

Accusations.

[A]

Yeah. No, I think I added, you're bad at English. I think I'm young now, but you're. The thing you're bad at is math. So we're bringing back a good old fan favorite. We're doing another little math quiz for Professor P over here.

[B]

Bro. You have, like, this thing of, like, giving me math quizzes, like, makes you.

[A]

Tantalated because it's good.

[B]

My name is Cam. I got AP math when I was a freshman, and I got my math credits before I graduated college. I don't know how it works.

[A]

My name is P. I write a good essay and ting tell a good story, and that's all I did in school. I just wrote essays and I got a slap on the ass from the.

[B]

Dean of English and made out in back hallways.

[A]

Good man. Missed out on that part. Here we go. So going straight into it. Math quiz, and you already know we're coming with some word problems because those are the.

[B]

Bro, that's not. That's not. That's not math.

[A]

Those are the beauty. Sam adopted three cats. He feeds them a total of three cans of cat food a day and two boxes of cat food a week. Wait, how much? How do you need a board?

[B]

Yes, I'll get. Okay, you got it. The biggest board in history. Okay. I got my board. I got my board. Here we go. All right, so Sam adopted. Go ahead. From the top.

[A]

Board is in hand. Here we go. Sam adopted three cats. He feeds them a total of three cans of cat food a day and two boxes of cat food a week. How much cat food does he need to buy each week?

[B]

So three. Three cats. Three cans. Two. What?

[A]

Three cats. Three cans. Two boxes.

[B]

Two boxes.

[A]

How much cat food does he need? To buy each week.

[B]

How many cans comes in a box? That's wrong.

[A]

Wholesale. He's not buying boxes of cans.

[B]

What's the box?

[A]

Box is like the kibble. The cans are probably the moist.

[B]

What we see is two different.

[A]

Never had an animal. There's. There's kibble, and then there's moist food.

[B]

How much moist and kibble does he cans?

[A]

Moist boxes, kibble.

[B]

So moist kibble.

[A]

Three cats, three cans a day, two boxes a week.

[B]

Three cans a day, two boxes a week.

[A]

How much food does he need to buy?

[B]

Three cans a day.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So he go. So one. So he runs out of cans when he runs out of cans in one day, because that's all the cats are fed.

[A]

Okay, there you go.

[B]

And then one cat's gonna be hungry because there's three cats, right? There's three cats. They all get boxes or they all get three cats. They all get cans. They don't all get boxes. One of these is a little skinny because they don't get a box unless a box can be evenly distributed to three. So two. So what's three divided by two? Oh, my God. That's what we got to figure out. Three divided by two.

[A]

What?

[B]

Three divided by two. That goes 1, 2. Minus that, 1.1, 1.5, and that's stupid.

[A]

As hell and wrong. It's 1.5, and that's wrong and dumb.

[B]

One cats is hard.

[A]

There's three. What? They're all fed. They're good cats. No one's got.

[B]

Not if there's only two boxes.

[A]

There's not a skinny feline in this equation. There's three cats, right? Each cat three cans of food a day.

[B]

Oh, each get three cans of food a day.

[A]

Two. No obese cats get a can of food a day, so they run two boxes throughout the whole week. How much food does he need to.

[B]

Buy three times seven? 21. Okay, 21 cans. Okay, 21 cans.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And there's two boxes. And they all eat them.

[A]

Yes. It doesn't matter who eats them.

[B]

So one and a half times seven. Anybody got calculations on that? One and a half times. My calculator won't open. One and a half times seven. That's ten and a half. Ten and a half plus 21.

[A]

What the are you doing?

[B]

That's 31 and a half pieces of food through the week. Close enough. 21. Oh, it's 21 boxes, dog. 21.

[A]

Oh, 21 cans. How many boxes?

[B]

Three.

[A]

No, how many did we start off with?

[B]

Two times seven? 14.

[A]

Shut up. Just shut up. And listen. Hey, you did good in English. A big part of English is listening and reading. Sam adopted three cats.

[B]

I don't think that's important.

[A]

He feeds How.

[B]

He bought them. I don't think that's necessary. You should adopt more.

[A]

He has three cats?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay. They each. He feeds them a total of three cans of cat food a day.

[B]

Yeah. So all the cans are gone?

[A]

Yes. And two boxes of cat food a week?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

How much cat food does he need to buy?

[B]

So I'm looking for the cans.

[A]

Number of cans.

[B]

21 cans.

[A]

How many boxes?

[B]

And. Yes. Two boxes. Two boxes go a week, and they both each. 2. They both eat two boxes. Or we're. I'm still confused on where the boxes are. These cats are about to piss myself. I'm genuinely not getting it. Like, I'm not even making jokes.

[A]

I'm about to piss myself. Well, hell, he has three cans a day.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And two boxes cover all his cats for the whole week.

[B]

I stopped listening.

[A]

So hold on.

[B]

Say it in less words and maybe it will make me easier.

[A]

Three cans per day. Two box per week. How many cans? And box for a week of food.

[B]

Seven divided by two and dead ass.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

Lift me up.

[A]

Lift me. Two boxes of cat food a week. Feeds the cats. So how many boxes?

[B]

So I got seven days, right? I got seven days. I'm trying to fit two boxes of food in there. I got to figure out how much foods in those two boxes.

[A]

Bro.

[B]

Okay, just tell me. I'm not gonna get this.

[A]

You have the cans, right?

[B]

Yes. No, I got.

[A]

One more time.

[B]

That's a swing.

[A]

No, you need to look me in my eyes. I'm gonna say it one more time, right?

[B]

And you're gonna get it.

[A]

You're gonna give one more answer, and if you don't get it right, we're moving on.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Two boxes of cat food a week.

[B]

A week.

[A]

How many boxes does he need?

[B]

Two.

[A]

God damn.

[B]

Well, if you would have said it like that at first.

[A]

Holy shit. I did. But you said. You said seven divided by three. I need my calculator. And opening. If you take the one and a half easy. But can you buy a half box? Is that available on the shelf?

[B]

Okay, that was a trick question.

[A]

No, it's wasn't.

[B]

Okay, next one.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Dude, this is dumb.

[A]

Oh, my God. No, no, this isn't dumb. This is not dumb. Caterpillars have six eyes in four to eight feet.

[B]

No, they don't. First of all. No, they don't. I had a pet caterpillar Yes, I picked it up. It died in two hours.

[A]

Okay, caterpillars have six eyes. Why are you drawing?

[B]

I'm a visual learning. Four.

[A]

Four to eight feet.

[B]

No legs. Where'd the legs go?

[A]

Four to eight feet. How many fewer eyes than legs would have? Would. Okay, this one's gonna F your world. Caterpillars have six eyes and four to eight feet. For the love of God, just write six eyes in four to eight feet. Don't draw that. Looks like a turd. Looks like a turd with a little twig coming out of it.

[B]

Six eyes.

[A]

How many feet is that? What?

[B]

Six eyes.

[A]

Six like what it looks like you spell. Look at that.

[B]

I farted. Six eyes.

[A]

No, seriously, what is that?

[B]

That?

[A]

That is S. I, S. Sis. Six. Sis.

[B]

I know what it says. Eyes.

[A]

Okay, six eyes. Two and four to eight feet.

[B]

Okay, hold on. Two, eight feet. Four to eight feet.

[A]

Okay, here we go.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

How many fewer eyes? Less than eyes, then legs would four, eight legged caterpillars have.

[B]

Oh, it's a. It's a formulatic.

[A]

It's formulatic.

[B]

It's a formula.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So how many fewer? Say the caterpillars have six eyes.

[B]

No, no, no, the equation.

[A]

That's what I was doing and you stopped.

[B]

Oh, sorry.

[A]

How many fewer eyes?

[B]

Slow down.

[A]

How many fewer eyes than legs would four eight legged caterpillars have? He has X minus six equals. Okay, here we go.

[B]

X minus six equals four times eight.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's not right.

[B]

Eight. 32. Okay, 32. X minus six.

[A]

Okay, that is a nasty six plus.

[B]

Six cancels out plus six over here. That's 38. X equals 38 legs. 38 less legs. Wait, you got a minus six.

[A]

Oh, wait, wait.

[B]

Why does it say 38 equals 38? X is supposed to be there somewhere. Oh, X is right here. X equals 38. So X minus 32. Somebody calculate that for me. 31.

[A]

31. 30. 29.

[B]

28. 20, 26 legs.

[A]

Oh. Oh, bro, you're. Oh my God.

[B]

Well, I'm not gonna. I'm just not gonna get this one.

[A]

No, all you're trying to do, change that minus to A plus to A times. Okay.

[B]

Okay, but I got the four times eight right. That's pretty smart.

[A]

So first off, you don't even need. You don't even need that. Just do. There's four caterpillars. So they all have six eyes. So what is six times four? What is six times four?

[B]

30.

[A]

What's six times four?

[B]

Six. 12. 18. 24.

[A]

Okay, so 24. Write that down. There's 24 eyes.

[B]

Yeah. So now I thought there was six.

[A]

There's 24. There's six. But there's four caterpillars. There's four caterpillars.

[B]

I thought there was four to eight.

[A]

They have four to eight legs.

[B]

Why was that important?

[A]

Because it's not. That's the trick.

[B]

Well, stop telling me it.

[A]

I'm reading the question as it is. Six eyes per caterpillar. There's four eight legged caterpillars. So now you have 24 eyes. So now find out how many legs they have. 4 times 8 is 32. There you go.

[B]

32 minus 24 is negative. Something, right? You said 24 minus 32.

[A]

It's negative 34 minus.

[B]

I thought it was 32 minus 24. Dude, 38 times 4.

[A]

32 minus 24. What's the answer? You do not need to calculate. Put your phone down. Put your phone down. Put your phone down. You don't need a calculator.

[B]

25, 26, 27, 29, 30, 31, 38. Oh, I had it right here. I had it the whole time. That's the. That's the great thing about Matt dancers. Right under your nose every time.

[A]

Oh my God. Okay, we're gonna do a couple more.

[B]

Just do one more cuz I'm about to pass out.

[A]

This is on. This is unbelievable.

[B]

I'm glad y'all.

[A]

You want to do something about more caterpillars.

[B]

I don't think my penis is ever smaller than.

[A]

If you catch us. If you catch three, four legged caterpillars in six doing caterpillars.

[B]

There's too much. Too long. Those are too long a beast. Give me like an orangutan or something.

[A]

Okay, here we go.

[B]

Okay. Give me something. That's not true. Tricked though, like genuine. Just like.

[A]

Okay, here we go.

[B]

This, this. If Bob had wood, how much would.

[A]

God had wood, how much wood would he have? Bob. Okay, this is kind of like it.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Joe and his friends Luke and Sal.

[B]

Shit names, by the way. You get. You need more ethnic friends. Joe.

[A]

Okay. Damien and his friends Jonathan and DeMarcus.

[B]

No, I like the other names better. It's too long.

[A]

Joe and his friends Luke and Sal bought a large chocolate ca cake. Joe, they're broke.

[B]

Split a chocolate cake. Times are tough. It's all right. So three people. Three people to one equals one chocolate cake.

[A]

Yeah. There's your formulatic. Joe cut it into six equal pieces and shared it with others. Joe had more than the other two boys. Sal had more than Luke, who had the most cake?

[B]

The friends.

[A]

Quick, guess who had the.

[B]

You.

[A]

Don't you know this isn't even math, brother.

[B]

This is harder. This is the hardest one. No.

[A]

Holy shit.

[B]

All you.

[A]

I don't even have to read anything. Listen, Joe had more than the other two boys, but Sal had more than Luke.

[B]

Wait, who started it?

[A]

Joe. Sal and Luke bought a cake.

[B]

Wait, hold on.

[A]

Joe.

[B]

Sal. I really like the name Sal.

[A]

Okay, Luke.

[B]

I had a guy named Luke. He was from Kentucky. Beat him up one time.

[A]

No, you did it.

[B]

I did his name. Luke. Mute the last name. That kid, he had a big Adam's apple. I swear to God, I hit him in it. Couldn't breathe. You're playing basketball. I get ferocious. He's talking shit, bro.

[A]

Just figure out the cake.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Joe cut it into six pieces. Pieces?

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Okay. He didn't even write anything. He said, yep. He cut into six pieces.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Equal pieces. And shared it with the others.

[B]

I missed the beginning, though.

[A]

They bought a cake.

[B]

Yeah, but you said Joe had more than Luke.

[A]

That's not the beginning.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Joe had more than the other two boys.

[B]

So Joe's on top. Sal, number one.

[A]

But Sal had more than Luke.

[B]

So Sal's number two, and Luke, you're last. You deserve it. Big Adam's apple.

[A]

Who had the most cake?

[B]

Joe.

[A]

Ding, ding, ding. That's it. Oh, you see how you sweat and you cause your own storms and panics? The thing said, Joe has more than the other two boys.

[B]

And you said.

[A]

You said, I didn't know where they got the cake from. Like, that's. You are. You need help, dog. You need help.

[B]

Okay, let me give you one, and then we'll get out. We'll move on.

[A]

We'll move on. Okay, here we go.

[B]

All right. Did you do this on Pre K?

[A]

Yeah, pre K, dog.

[B]

How do you go to the next one?

[A]

You pick an answer and hit submit.

[B]

Lucy's mom runs a daycare through Friday. Oh, wait.

[A]

What brother can't even read?

[B]

There's so many goddamn ads on here. Lucy's mom runs a daycare Monday through Friday. She cares for five kids. Five children. The parents pay 200 a week for each child. How much money does she make each week?

[A]

Thousand dollars. Next question. Thousand bucks. Next question. How did I get that? Go. Go to the next question.

[B]

It is a fact that each person throws out about three pounds of garbage a day. How many pounds of garbage do 10 people throw out in one day?

[A]

30. 30 pounds of garbage.

[B]

Did you ever go on, like, sleepovers?

[A]

How am I A lo. You just asked me a word problem. That is as simple as three.

[B]

How was it? What was it?

[A]

Okay, I'm gonna reword it up, see if I can even just make you mess up.

[B]

No, just say exactly how it is. Okay, I know the answer. I don't want to get to.

[A]

The average person throws out three pounds of garbage per day. There's 10 people. How many pounds of garbage are thrown out per day?

[B]

10 people, 3 pounds of garbage or 7 days in a week Right there.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's exactly where my brain would go.

[A]

It's about a week. I said about a day. Even if it was a week, how much is a week? Week.

[B]

Seven.

[A]

How many pounds of garbage?

[B]

10.

[A]

No, 73. No, 3 pounds per 21.

[B]

2100 pounds a week.

[A]

What are they? A landfill? What are they? No. £3 per person, 10 people. That's £30 a week. £70 a week.

[B]

Yes. Okay, let's move on to sell the dose.

[A]

Jesus. Yeah, it's never gonna get old, but my God.

[B]

2100 pounds.

[A]

It's 210, you numb skull.

[B]

Oh, we were close. We just added a 0.

[A]

2100. There's a hundred people.

[B]

I do have a question for you. This episode is brought to you by friends at Liquid iv.

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[A]

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[B]

Now, on to the rest of the episode. Since you do like to make fun of me, embarrass me on the Internet. Okay, genuine question.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

If I tomorrow woke up as a cricket, what would you take care of me? Like. Like if you came into my room, right? And instead of me being in my bed, there's a big old cricket.

[A]

Oh, like a big. You're a six, seven cricket. I'd chop your head clean off. I'd go, oh my.

[B]

No, it was just me. Like it had my clothes on, but like a little cricket with my clothes on. So you knew it was me.

[A]

So it's a little cricket with a do rag. A little cricket with a do rag. Some dingy shorts that probably belonged to me. And some Travis Scott's. Yeah, that's what I'm seeing. It's that big.

[B]

Yeah. Would you take care of me? What would you do?

[A]

I keep you in my pocket.

[B]

I don't want to be talk. No, I'm just a cricket. Oh, like I'm a regular cricket. It's just, you know, that's. Peyton, would you take care of.

[A]

How would I know it's you if you're a regular cricket?

[B]

Someone told you.

[A]

Someone told me. Hey, that's your friend.

[B]

No, there's a note. I left a note.

[A]

Slap that person. I crush the cricket. That's what I would do. I go, don't you d. And then.

[B]

You found out it was because I never returned.

[A]

There's no way I'd believe that. Unless there's a. Unless that's like a genie or something.

[B]

Say, say like in the middle of the night, a.

[A]

A witch shooting star.

[B]

A witch came into My room is like, witch the morning, you'll be a cricket. And then so I was like, can I leave Cam a note? Because he's going to be here in the morning. I write a note right before I turn into a cricket. It says, hey, I'm this cricket. It's Peyton. And then I. And then you come to my room in the morning and I'm a cricket and there's a note there. Would you take care of me?

[A]

My immediate thought would be that you are somehow like in the corner of your room recording me. And you're like, I'm about to get him. I'm about to get this. Look, he's really stupid enough to think that cricket's. That's what I would immediately think. What if I really. If I search the area, C.J. was like, his car is still here. He's nowhere to be found. There's cameras outside. Like no one left. I think that's him.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

100%. Take care.

[B]

Really. Would you feed me?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What if Ruby tried to.

[A]

Maggots. What do I feed you? Grubs. What do. I don't know what to feed. What a cricket. See?

[B]

Who would you like?

[A]

Oh, my God. I bring you over, you hang out with Ruby. She torments you. Cuz you're a cricket. She's going. You're like, oh, Harold, oh. And then she poops. And I throw you on the poop. But your new found love for poop, you eat Ruby's poop?

[B]

Yeah. So you would take care of me 100%.

[A]

I keep you in a little glass jar.

[B]

Thank you. You're welcome. I had that thought.

[A]

That was a strange ass question.

[B]

I was really high.

[A]

Okay. Speaking of strange shit. I don't know what made me think of this is on the drive up here today, my mom, when I was about 9, she got T boned in her car for Explorer. Totaled it. T boned. Her Nokia flew 70 yards.

[B]

Dangerous.

[A]

Her cell phone flew 70 yards and obliterated. She kept that Nokia as a souvenir. My mom kept a souvenir from getting T boned on an interstate.

[B]

Isn't your mama hoarder, though?

[A]

Not a hoarder. She likes her things. It's not because if you see a real hoarder, Lisa's not that well, not.

[B]

Like disgustingly hoarder, but like she. It's a hard time letting go of these. Because she has your teeth.

[A]

Yeah, she has my teeth in a bag.

[B]

So it's not too surprised. She kept a mutilated phone.

[A]

She kept a mutilated phone to remember the day she was t boned in a car. I did the first time. One of the first times Liv came over, she showed her. She said, honey, look at this. She said, yeah, I was in a bad accident one day. And Liv was like, what the is going on? I was like, mom, that's your phone from when you got wrecked.

[B]

First of all, your mom is the sweetest lady ever. So that is sweet that she showed you her car wreck phone. But I do get that. I hold on to everything. I can't. That's why I have so much things in my room.

[A]

Yeah, but yours is garbage. It's mostly trash. Like, there's zero significance.

[B]

But no, the meal was good, and I need to remember. It's more of, like, a memory thing. Like, I want. Because I forget things like that. Like, I forgot when Thanksgiving was until I woke up and I smelled some shit, and I was like, that's Thanksgiving. I forgot why I was back home. But, like, C.J. knows I for. I'll forget anything. He lives with me to remind me. That's his job.

[A]

I literally tell you, hey, you remember that thing we talked about? And you go, bro, why? Like, why are you obsessed with lying? And I go, what are you talking. We literally talked about Thursday. Like, bro, no, we didn't talk about it. You'll forget everything.

[B]

Dude, I forget everything. So if there's, like, a really good meal I'll have, I'll leave it on my nightstand. But I'll be like, I'm going to throw that away. But just in case, when I want to go eat that again, I'll know where I got it from, and I'll smell the package. See, that's what the meal I got was. Because I'll forget.

[A]

You operate like you're a beast. Like a. Like a genuine. Like a monster. Like, do you think so? You don't know real rules in society and, like, English and stuff. You're, like, familiar, and, like, that's how you're gonna. Like, that's how you're gonna know to order. Like, I've had this once before. And that's how you work.

[B]

I remember there was a time I used to be really clean. Like, do you remember in college?

[A]

You weren't that clean.

[B]

I wasn't?

[A]

Bro, you had, like, late. Like, there was so much crumbs from lay's chips. It was, like, embedded into your mattress. You'd lay down. It's like, like a re. Crumble of the crumble.

[B]

That's different. No, that's just me Eating on myself.

[A]

No sign. And you fit. Everyone knows you lined a gallon water juggling with bathtub water. Dude, that's the dirtiest I've ever seen.

[B]

You get on me. How I drink my gallon water. Yeah, what's wrong with the way I drink it?

[A]

The noises you make when you drink are disgusting. Drink right on that mic.

[B]

Like this is exactly.

[A]

Drink normal.

[B]

No. And Cam knows this is how I drink my gallon water.

[A]

And look at the lips he drink. He literally is like this. Oh, oh. Drink again. Drink again. Let him pick it up one more time.

[B]

I'll give you a side profile.

[A]

You're welcome.

[B]

That one website.

[A]

He's drinking like a boxer. Like a dog, bro. Like a dog you. Like a hound. You're like. Like you're drowning yourself. It's regular water, dude. I swear to God. We were. He came to my house the other day and he literally took a drink from that same thing. And he was like. He was on his phone, doom scrolling. He's like, what the do you want, Cam? I said, you're in my house. He said, bro, you just keep scrolling. And he goes, I'm thirsty. Oh, my God. That did look crazy. But he's slamming this water. And I was like, you sound like Lucky. Like. Like Liv's parents dog. And he spit that everywhere. Bro, you don't. You. You just don't do most things regularly.

[B]

Wrong with how I drink my water.

[A]

Your lips. Your lips, which.

[B]

I'm sorry, I have actual lips.

[A]

You're not. Okay. You're not sucking off pure life. You're just taking a sip of water. Put half the. Put your bottom lip at the bottom top lip halfway. So you don't just get waterboarded. He literally goes, I'm gonna get a drink. That's. Yeah. This is bad. I can't. I need a drink of my own. Look at that. Don't look at them. Don't make eye contact. And when you drink like that, backwash is inevitable.

[B]

I don't have backwash.

[A]

It is.

[B]

I didn't eat.

[A]

What?

[B]

I didn't eat.

[A]

What the hell do you mean you didn't eat? That's not back. Backwash is if your so your own spit goes in your mouth.

[B]

Backwash is if you have food back. You're backwashing the food.

[A]

Peyton, backwash is something that's not that liquid going into that liquid container.

[B]

No, it's not.

[A]

Holy shit.

[B]

Backwash is if you're like you. So you say you're at Sarah dinner, right? And somebody says, can I get a sip of that. And then they say, yeah, but no backwash. That's the food. You don't want food. You ever drank something. And then there's. There's little floaties at the bottom. That's. Backwash is the floaties.

[A]

Are you. Are you.

[B]

I'm dead. Every time I've talked about backwash, it's been. It's been floaties. It's food.

[A]

Backwash is your spit.

[B]

No.

[A]

Bodily flu. You mean to tell. Why the.

[B]

I'm gonna.

[A]

I'm gonna tell someone, Hey, I don't need your cool range Doritos in my drink, dog. But have at it.

[B]

Yeah, it's backwash. Don't want your backwash. Backwash is the backwashing.

[A]

Who are you hanging out with? Like, bro, it's. Yeah.

[B]

No.

[A]

Backwash is spit, bodily fluid. Anything that's not the drink going back in the drink.

[B]

I beg to differ.

[A]

That's. Dude, that's not. That's not. You can't actually.

[B]

That's not.

[A]

Backwash actually isn't subjective.

[B]

You can't put something back in there.

[A]

This isn't up for. This isn't up for debate.

[B]

If you're drinking a liquid and it falls back in, that's still the same liquid.

[A]

Holy shit.

[B]

Backwash is a foreign object.

[A]

You have now progressed to s tier of nastiness. You think the way you drink a drink, you literally go like this. Your mouth's up, it looks wild. And then you go, all that shit going back. Yeah, this is bad. All that shit going back into the drink.

[B]

The drink is going back into the drink. That happens every time you switch your spit. My mouth is dry. That's why I'm taking a drink.

[A]

Your mouth is not dry. You're a liar. And your mouth is wet and nasty. And a big ass tongue. That is backwash. You mean.

[B]

Tell me backwash is food. Anybody in the comments is gonna agree. Backwash is food. Back. You can't back wash food. They don't know anything. They were born in 2012.

[A]

Backwash, food or spit? Spit. Pierce. Say it. Don't be afraid of big boss man. Say it. It's Pierce. His food back. His backwash. Food or spit? Spit. It's more spit. It's spit.

[B]

Bro. That's a caucasity thing.

[A]

That's not a caucasity.

[B]

No. Yes, it is.

[A]

You can't. Bro, look, look.

[B]

Hold that up. Look, there's nothing in there. There's no backwash.

[A]

If I saw like a piece of a jolly rancher at the bottom of your backwash, that's that's what that is.

[B]

Cam. You.

[A]

You have big enough chunks of food and then you let them back in a drink.

[B]

That's.

[A]

That is. That is sin. That is not of the law. That is not. That is not of the law. No one agreed on that.

[B]

Listen, listen. You can't. If this goes like this, right? If the drink pours out, it's because.

[A]

You'Re drinking it wrong.

[B]

Listen, if the drink pours out and I put it back in, that's not backwash.

[A]

That and that.

[B]

Because that's the same liquid. It has to be a foreign object, which is spit camp. There's gonna be spin there regardless.

[A]

That's nasty. I don't have spit in my drinks. I don't have spitty drinks. Cam, if you're a spitty drink ass broad.

[B]

Backwash is food.

[A]

Give me the giveaway. Give me. Look at this representation.

[B]

You.

[A]

Your lips.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You drink like this.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

That's how you.

[B]

I grabbed the nozzle with my lips.

[A]

So when you dump back, it's actually less. Holy shit. Cuz I'm like your mouth because it's wide open.

[B]

It's just falling in like a pit. You're like this. And so it just goes. It's a bunch of shit. It's a small passageway. So it's like a. Less of a filtration system. Mine's just big. I'm just dropping it in my mouth.

[A]

Open, bottomless pit. You have a little of a mouth and yours is just falling in there with nothing. And then when you stop drinking, you go like this.

[B]

No, I don't. I close my mouth. Look, I'll show you again. I'll show you again. Look.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Nothing Bell in.

[A]

You see how you went. And close your mouth.

[B]

That's what I do every time.

[A]

Drink every time. You're supposed to literally have. Give me the thing.

[B]

I'm listening. But listen. Backwash can't be the origin. Oh my God. Backwash can't be the original liquid. That's just the original liquid.

[A]

Going back to backwash is not the original liquid. It's your spit. It is your spit.

[B]

You can't test bit.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

Look. Where's the spit? That's not backwash. You can see backwash. Backwash is visual.

[A]

No one has ever. No, I want you to think about this. No one has ever worried about seeing their friends turkey melt at the bottom.

[B]

That's all I've ever worried about. Dude.

[A]

Then you're. You are. You. You're. You're. You're close to. Cannibalism you are close to just going off the grid and eating someone's left thigh. You're getting awfully close. Like it.

[B]

Because at Luby's, they. When they would make my drinks where.

[A]

Lubies. Sounds like getting your tires rotated.

[B]

You never went to Lubies?

[A]

Lubies.

[B]

Lubies is sick. That's a white people thing. I'm surprised. No, it's actually kind of. No. What the hell's. Luby's is like a buffet. Yeah, they.

[A]

They sound like they. They sell jelly.

[B]

Listen, it's literally like a cafeteria. It's like the big yellow thing. I think they canceled Luby, so they cut them off like Red Lobster. Like, it's done.

[A]

Red Lobster still around. Cheddar Bay Biscuits.

[B]

Oh, I never had it, but so you go into Luby's, right? And you get a tray, and then you. And there's like this. It's like, literally a cafeteria.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, and then I would always get the fish. You can get fried fish. I get fried fish. Okra. Watch your mouth. Fried fish, okra, super sweet tea and jello. And a Diet Coke.

[A]

That sound you would love.

[B]

It's endless. And it's a bunch of old white people. Yes.

[A]

Buffet.

[B]

Well, I don't know. I didn't pay for it ever. It's not endless, but it's nothing but old white people. You'd feel comfortable and safe.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

My dad. It's literally like that. And my dad would take me to Looby's after. I don't know what was wrong with my family. Like, there wasn't technology in my house until I was, like, 14. My dad used to make me impress and drive to downtown Austin with him to cash a check. Like, it's like, for the. Like, he had to go to the bank. Like, oh, he just went to the bank, bro.

[A]

That's what everyone did before the absence of.

[B]

Yeah, I remember we spent, like, 40 minutes every time to just do anything.

[A]

Kind of sucked that he had to go all the way downtown. Maybe could have went to a local bank.

[B]

No, but his bank was like a family mom and pop shop. It was in somebody's house. Did. Am I snitching?

[A]

Oh, yeah, you might be dry snitching.

[B]

And then they would give me lollipops, but the edges weren't, like, smooth. They were cut. So I'd always bleed on the lollipop. And then I would. And then my dad would take me to Denny's or Luby's when I went to Luby's. Got the fried fish. The jello and the okra.

[A]

You went to Denny's, you got the grand slam.

[B]

No Denny's. I would just order bacon and butter.

[A]

Oh, yeah. Bacon and butter.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like what more evidence do I need?

[B]

My parents.

[A]

You got okra and jello. Think about that. Okra and jello at one spot and bacon and butter at the other. You sound like you live by a campfire.

[B]

Like, literally, my family had less than you. That's fine.

[A]

Okay. Don't do that, don't do that, don't do that.

[B]

Sorry we couldn't have your family.

[A]

Household is beautiful and larger.

[B]

Yeah. And nice because we bought it when there was nobody there. We were the first house over there.

[A]

Same with my parents. Yeah, exactly. Your house is double sided. House one's fine. That's fine. You had cooler shoes than me growing up. Better clothes.

[B]

I pay for them. I paid for him. I paid for my shoes.

[A]

Growing up at what age?

[B]

Like 12, 13?

[A]

Yeah. What about 8, 9?

[B]

I didn't have shoes.

[A]

Exactly. You're on the trails out there doing whatever you do. Going to hunt a fox for the family dinner. I. Okay, this is a confession. This has had nothing to do with you for once, but this is a confession. And I want to see how kind of close you think you are to that or if you're polar opposite. What I think. Yeah. A lot of word bombing. I think I'm hitting like peak adulthood. Yeah, it, it, it, it.

[B]

You're coming. Annoying to be around it.

[A]

Present. Wow. It presented itself the other night. We had to buy new sheets for the bed. And I got excited.

[B]

That's old now that. That's some grown people.

[A]

Really. It really hit me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we're about to bring a kid into the world.

[B]

Yeah. Yikes.

[A]

And I just sat there and I was like, man, I don't wanna be like this. And I said, oh, this is gonna be different. So how my question to you is because I had that. That realization how far if. That if peak adulthood is getting happy over vacuum cleaners and my blinds are about to get installed. That makes me hard a little bit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So if you get slight erect off of sheets and blinds and stuff like that, that how close or how far are you from peak adulthood?

[B]

Oh, I'm never going to get it. I genuinely don't think I'm ever going to be like that. I still have the same, like, I still feel like I'm like 19.

[A]

I still feel very young.

[B]

No, you shouldn't.

[A]

No, but I do.

[B]

You should do. I caught cam this out dad mode. Is hitting camp.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

He literally was looking at his phone.

[A]

I did not. No, I did not. No, I did not. The one finger Wi Fi wasn't working at the school. That I is not. Does not know.

[B]

No. And you dress like.

[A]

No. Okay. That's just mean. I don't dress like.

[B]

Yeah, and you're, like, more serious now.

[A]

That kind of.

[B]

Ha.

[A]

I kind of have to get ready for that. But I'm still.

[B]

No, you don't. You could be fun to be around, right?

[A]

I'm fun.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm fun.

[B]

And, like, Cam doesn't know what's going on in the world. Like, he just.

[A]

He can. That I will agree.

[B]

He can tell you what kind of milk babies get and, like, stuff like that. And he's like. And he can tell you, like, the safety precautions and child proofing and all that. But you ask him about, like, oh, did you see this? He's like, man, that's that one rapper boy, ain't it?

[A]

That one rapper boy. No, I know that you're. You're always gonna be more in depth with what's going.

[B]

Like, I get excited. Like. Like, I posted something in my house, right. I forgot it was on Instagram. Story, and somebody's like, Bros 25 with a. With a. With a bear brick. I'm like, is that, like, not cool to have it 25?

[A]

No.

[B]

Like, I just got money, and those are expensive. Like, I'm gonna get that. Exactly. Like, I still want, like. Cause and, like, like, supreme, like, skateboards on the wall. Like, that's cool to me. And I don't think it. I don't think I'll be 50, I think. And I'll still want that.

[A]

I think I'm still gonna have, like, I still. I am right there with you. I feel young due to the last. Stop saying that. Due to the lifestyle and stuff like that. And I feel young, and the way I dress apparently sucks. But I. I will take that and try to keep that mindset as long as possible. But the realizations are in front of my eyes.

[B]

Yeah. Cam, you were looking for turtlenecks the other day, brother. And I was like, goodness and, like, quarter zips. And I say, golly, brother.

[A]

I know. And that's. That's probably going to be the hardest thing for me is having to start, like, dressing like, I'm about to go over your, like, employee benefits.

[B]

But you don't have to, though. You don't genuinely have to do that. I have to.

[A]

But the thing is, if my wife gets all done up and beautiful and she's in this amazing dress and heels, and then I pop out in a gymshark shirt with some fours on.

[B]

That's different. But I'm just talking about regular day. Like, you don't have to dress. Like you don't have to work. This is a regular day.

[A]

And you said I look like a seventh grader on a. Yeah, now you look.

[B]

You look like. I dress like that in high school. But. But you don't have to wear, like, khakis and, like, a button up every day.

[A]

I'll never buy kaka. Khakis and a button up. I'll never. I hate khakis. Khakis are so unflattering. I hate.

[B]

I don't understand the hate with khakis.

[A]

I'm a khaki.

[B]

I'm a khaki addict.

[A]

Khakis are nasty as hell.

[B]

Oh, my God. You put me in a good khaki back in high school. I was killing the game.

[A]

See, I wore chinos and I rolled the bottoms of them, and then I wore them with Sperry's.

[B]

Couldn't afford chinos.

[A]

I remember those chinos are nice.

[B]

Yeah. My mom didn't let me go into Abercrombie and Fitch or Hollister.

[A]

I didn't. Oh, I got my target. Yeah. They were a good fellow.

[B]

I was never that bad. Yeah. No. Oh, my God. Yeah. Your live show fits are going to be bad for our next tour. Why? Because you're going to be a dad.

[A]

So.

[B]

And you're going to be tired. And, like, I might.

[A]

I might have some basics, some simples. Hey, modest is hottest, right?

[B]

Not. Not really. Yeah.

[A]

Cam, you're the day I buy sketches. I want you to punch me in my sternum.

[B]

I'm not going to lie, bro. You're losing it.

[A]

No, I'm not.

[B]

You are losing it.

[A]

No, I'm not.

[B]

You tell me to turn the music down in the car. It's hurting your ears.

[A]

Okay. It was loud as we were trying.

[B]

To talk, and I put my hand out the window just, like, enjoying the wind. You got to stop saying.

[A]

I said, be careful.

[B]

I said, come on, bro.

[A]

I said, okay, that. That is. That is not. You're on par. That is. I am far old and you're far young in that thing. You're 25. Your hoove is up here when you drive, and then you finger the wind when you're driving down the street, it's like.

[B]

Yeah, you're.

[A]

There's more outside of the car of you than there is in. Yeah, that's not sick.

[B]

Some young wall and free, bro.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. All right. Whiz like, relax. Remember that song, young and wild and free?

[B]

That. That song is the first time I wanted to smoke marijuana, but I was scared. Just never did it.

[A]

I was very scared.

[B]

Yeah, we'll talk about that on Patreon. First time getting cooked.

[A]

Good morning.

[B]

Oh, that's a fun story, man. In the spaceship.

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, man.

[A]

No, that's bad.

[B]

Did you ever go to Garrett? Spaceship. We gotta go to Patreon. Yeah, you gotta go to Patreon. All right, guys. All right, everybody.

[A]

Thank you so much for coming Back to episode 141 of the you should know podcast. We absolutely love you. And remember, the merch has one day left. If you want the Black Friday special edition 3M drop of the you should know merch, you got one day left to get it. And hopefully all orders will be out and at your doors before Christmas. Saying hopefully, though, so you can't put it in pin, but we love you. Confuse the casuals. Get your good karma. This week's secret code. Oh, man. This week's secret code. DWN sounds like a small abbreviation for down, but it's really not dwn. Yep.

[B]

Don't want nothing.

[A]

Nope. Drink water normal.

[B]

I do.

[A]

Bastard. No, you don't. He drinks like a boxer with a loose tooth right there. Like it's a bad thing. Drink water normal. Confuse everybody. They're not gonna know what you're talking about, and they got to come join the fam to understand it. And that's how we build the community, because y'all all love it. So now send it to you, your biggest hater, your best friend, your aunt, and your old grandpa. But he's got nothing else to do but watch it.

[B]

We're going to Patreon, baby.

[A]

Going to Patreon. We will see y'all there. We got extended episodes, some Dr. P vlogs, everything. 10 minute talks. It's all over there. Everything. You know, link in the bio, Twitch, Discord, Facebook will be back up soon. And most importantly, the merch, you got one day left to get it.

[B]

We love you so much. And remember, 1 out of 10 quals don't make it home to Christmas. And we will see you.

[A]

I'm not that old yet.

[B]

Next time. No, he's boring.

[A]

Yeah. No, I'm 26. I'm 26.

[B]

26 acts like 76.