← Your Anxiety Toolkit - Practical Skills for Anxiety, Panic & Depression
Your Anxiety Toolkit - Practical Skills for Anxiety, Panic & Depression
437 An OCD Success Story (with Lydia Davies)
00:40:30
In this inspiring episode, Lydia Davies shares her powerful OCD recovery story—including how she faced fears around somatic OCD, scrupulosity, and intrusive thoughts with bravery, self-compassion, and evidence-based strategies.
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- [00:01]
A
Welcome, everybody. Today we are sharing a truly inspiring OCD success story that's equal parts honest, hopeful, and deeply relatable. In this episode, titled as An OCD Success Story with Lydia Davies, I am so honored to bring you a conversation where we are going to bring, of course, as always, all the beautiful virtual hugs and and practical strategies so that you can face your fears and live each day with courage and compassion. Lydia Davies joins us from the Sunshine coast of Australia, which is where my grandfather used to live. She experienced OCD symptoms from a very young age, but she did not receive a formal diagnosis until adulthood. Since receiving specialized OCD treatment in 2021, Lydia has made incredible progress in her recovery. Her journey includes navigating somatic ocd, scrupulosity, just right ocd, compulsive skin picking, also known as dermatillomania, and intrusive sexual thoughts, just to name a few. In this episode, Lydia is going to share the ups and downs of her recovery, the tools that helped her most, and how she continues to find healing through creative expression. Let this be a reminder. Recovery from OCD is possible, and while the path may be bumpy, you don't have to walk it alone. So let's dive in. Welcome, Lydia.
- [01:36]
B
Hello. So good to be here. So excited.
- [01:39]
A
Okay, so I am so excited to talk with you about just recovery and your experience and what worked and what was hard and what was not so hard and what was, you know, tell me about all the bumps and all the things. So could you just share first about learning about having ocd. Where were you? What were you doing when you realized that that's what you're experiencing?
- [02:05]
B
Yeah. Okay. So this was about 12 years ago. I was 24 years old. I had been in a job, which I loved, but I was having a lot of stress in that job. And I came to the point where I was crying at work and I had to stop the job for a while. And I, you know, I was encouraged to go and see a counselor or a therapist. So luckily I was able to. I went to the pastor of my church and asked, is there any therapists that you would recommend me to? And he recommended me to a certain therapist called Lisa Andrews. And I went to her. First of all, she was lovely, but I was talking to her about, you know, my stress with work and all those current things I was going through. So at that point, I think she believed I had just generalized anxiety disorder. But then at the end of the first session, I felt like, okay, there's something else I haven't talked about that I should probably mention because this is a bit weird. So probably a year or two previously before that time, I'd gone through a time in my life where I started getting intrusive thoughts and about kids, actually. And I was actually afraid at the time. Oh my gosh, what if this means that I'm a pedophile or if I'm not careful? What if this means that I could turn into one if I'm. If I'm not careful and if I don't handle this right? So I was getting these intrusive thoughts about kids, kind of sexual in nature. They really disturbed me because that was the last thing in the world I want to think about or be. And you know, I'd really, throughout my life, I'd really valued my sexual purity. I guess that's what I called it. But, you know, from the age of 14, you know, back then, there was a time when I was like, you know, touching myself sexually, but age 14, because I was so like into God and my faith, I decided, okay, let's, you know, I'm going to stop this. So I hadn't touched myself sexually since I was 14 years old, and then I was about 22. And you know, I'd been really careful not to lack, think lustful thoughts to. Towards men because I am straight. And you know, I really tried that and I was going pretty well. And then all of a sudden I started getting these sexually intrusive thoughts about kids. And it horrified me. And you know, the more, the more that I tried not to think about these things, the more that they would come in. So the more I tried to push the thought away, the more that it would come in and it would, you know, just horrify me every single time. So I went through just about probably three months where I was dealing with that and it was really, really tor. Luckily, I think through finding this job, it was a job in sales. I really loved the job and I was able to distract myself because the job was so high stress and you had to really work to make a sale. So I like, I distracted myself through that. And luckily these constant intrusive thoughts stopped because I was so. It's like I got another obsession. It was like not losing my job was my obsession. Anyway, so in my first psychology session, I mentioned that right at the end, I said, a few years ago I was getting these thoughts about kids and I don't want to be a pedophile, but I'm afraid I am. And it was right at the end of the session, my Lovely psychologist was like, okay, thank you so much for sharing that. We'll talk more about this next week. And I was like, okay, I wonder what we're going to talk about next week.
- [05:37]
A
It's going to be a long week now until that session.
- [05:42]
B
Yeah. So I came back the next week and she was really lovely and she'd printed out some paper, like, some paper that would help me. It was a article by Dr. Jeffrey Schwartz about the four steps, and it was about OCD. And so she was saying to me, like, when you get these kind of thoughts, just relabel it and say, it's not me, it's my ocd. And I was like, are you implying that I have ocd? And she's like, yeah, kind of, basically. And I was like, ah, well, that actually makes sense because, you know, I've always kind of related to this thing called ocd, but I never really wanted to claim it. Like, I'd heard of, you know, OCD being that neatness and perfectionism and washing hands and being compulsive, and I kind of knew, I struggled with that, but for a long time I was kind of in denial because, like, I don't want to be one of those people. So I kind of knew in the back of my mind I might have it, but I didn't really talk about it. So when she mentioned this might be ocd, I was like, that kind of makes sense. I wonder how she worked that out. But then I found out that with ocd, you can get sexually intrusive thoughts, like about things you don't want to, and also violent intrusive thoughts, and also that the thoughts can be religious in nature. And for a lot of my life, I'd struggled so much with being like, religious OCD and just really focusing on the Bible too much and being really, really afraid that I was going to hell. So when I found out that these things could be OCD too, and it wasn't just about neatness and hand washing, I was like, my mind was blown. I was like, wow, this is a huge light bulb moment. And suddenly almost everything I've struggled with throughout my life makes sense. And, you know, there was hope that, well, I'm not actually a creep.
- [07:33]
A
I.
- [07:33]
B
Well, or I wasn't. I have this thing called ocd and it's a diagnosis where it is very common to get these intrusive thoughts and there's nothing wrong with me and I can actually treat this and get through this. So that was huge, that moment. Yeah.
- [07:49]
A
Were you only happy or were. And like, were you only relieved or did you feel other emotions as well when you got that diagnosis?
- [07:57]
B
Well, at the time, I think I was mostly just relieved and kind of fascinated. I think, you know, I didn't want to claim that stereotype of I've got OCD because I didn't like the stereotype. But when I found out that OCD was all these other things as well, I thought, oh, wow. And it was almost like, it's not that I went around telling everyone I've got this diagnosis called ocd, but it was like I was relieved I'd found out about it. And I think because I was in a time in my life where I was into problem solving and self improvement, it kind of just made me excited and made me want to overcome this. And. Yeah, so for me at the time, it was mostly just kind of fascination and excitement and motivation to overcome it.
- [08:39]
A
Great. Now, did you continue treatment with her? What was the treatment like from there?
- [08:45]
B
Yeah, so I saw my lovely psychologist Lisa for eight years. So we did do a little bit of work with ocd, but Lisa wouldn't fully call herself an OCD specialist. So although she was helpful in helping me with my OCD, it wasn't until years later when I started seeing Dr. Emily O' Leary from the OCD clinic in Brisbane. That was when, like the real OCD treatment started. So, you know, like exposure and response prevention. Facing it. Head. Yeah.
- [09:20]
A
What made you decide to go for specific specialized care? Was there an increase in symptoms or was there. What was that like for you?
- [09:32]
B
I think at the time I was dealing with a lot of obsessions related to my body. So it was kind of about fears of pain and injury and permanently damaging my body. And I did have some kind of pain and injuries that I was working through, but it was kind of all consuming. Like, I would put so much effort into trying to overcome this pain and injury. For example, I would get neck pain. So at the time I'd be constantly heating up heatbacks to put around my neck to, you know, take away the pain, or I was doing compulsively stretching or just a lot of compulsive activity to try and get, get rid of this pain and also to fix it. And I think at the time Lisa, she actually realized, I think we're coming to like, we're butting our head against the wall. I think that it might be time for Lydia to see someone else. You know, I had seen her for eight years, so that was lovely that she was willing to tell me that directly. But yet One of the people that she recommended was Emily o' Leary from the OCD clinic. So luckily there was a wait list, but I was able to get in much sooner than a lot of other people were able to. So I was very lucky with that. Yeah. So that's how I decided I need to switch to Emily. Yeah.
- [10:49]
A
Amazing. So for the listeners who might be early, let's say, in their decision to start erp, whether they're with a therapist or some kind of self led program, what was that learning curve like for you? So it sounds like you had some education in it. What was your, you know, if you were meeting ERP for the first time, what was that like?
- [11:15]
B
Well, luckily for a few years then I'd already been listening to the OCD Stories podcast, so I had learned a lot about ERP and what it really takes to overcome ocd. I'd also been listening to your podcast, Kimberly, which I absolutely loved, and it was very inspiring. So, yeah, I was really learning a lot through listening to podcasts and at certain points with my old therapist, Lisa, I was kind of almost questioning her, kind of being like, hold on, I've heard through the OCD stories that they say this, but you're saying this. So, yeah, I think at that point I was ready to actually face it head on. It did take me a long time to get there though.
- [11:54]
A
Right.
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B
So at least I was ready for it. Yeah. And I knew, I knew it wouldn't be easy and I knew I'd have to do terrifying things.
- [12:02]
A
Right. Okay, so you started erp and can you share like a little bit about did you have to do exposures? Were you doing more response prevention? Tell us a little bit about what that looked like. I'd love also to know, like, was there a moment where you didn't think you could do it and what did you do to sort of navigate that?
- [12:24]
B
Yeah, right. Well, there's one exposure in particular that I remember. At the time, I was really afraid that in my car I would have a car crash and that I would get whiplash and that that would of course ramp up my neck pain and I'd have to struggle with that for years. So I was really afraid of getting whiplash. So Emily encouraged me that while I was driving it around in my car to say aloud, I'm going to get whiplash, I'm going to get whiplash. I'm going to have a terrible crash and get whiplash. And then she. And if that doesn't bring too much of an anxiety response, then maybe ramp it up. And say, I want to get whiplash. So encouraged me. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She also encouraged me to google whiplash and find out what happens when you get whiplash. So I went home and I did that and I was like, oh, I'm going to be triggered. Surprisingly though, I googled it and I was like, oh, whiplash isn't as bad as I thought it was.
- [13:22]
A
Interesting.
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B
So you had googled before.
- [13:25]
A
You weren't compulsively. Googling?
- [13:28]
B
No, no, I knew, I knew that that wouldn't be a good idea.
- [13:31]
A
Okay, yeah, so, yeah, interesting. And so if. So you're driving around, so obviously you didn't stop driving. It's not like you were avoiding it, but it was very anxiety provoking for you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you were driving from the Sunshine coast down to Brisbane, which is a little bit of a drive. Were you?
- [13:50]
B
Oh, not to Brisbane, sorry. Just us just driving around on the Sunshine Coast.
- [13:54]
A
All right, so you. Okay, I see. I understand. And then.
- [13:58]
B
Oh, sorry, I was saying Emily over zoom. I didn't.
- [14:01]
A
I understand now because I'm from like my, my family are in Brisbane, so I'm like thinking out loud, like, okay, so yeah, you're driving around in the Sunshine coast and you're saying I either will get whiplash or I want to get whiplash.
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B
Yeah.
- [14:19]
A
What happened? What was it like for you in that moment to navigate? Was that like a 10 out of 10 for you anxiety wise? How difficult was that?
- [14:30]
B
I think surprisingly it wasn't so difficult. Like, it was a little bit uncomfortable saying it and to like imagine myself getting whiplash. But surprisingly it wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. And spoiler alert, I've never gotten whiplash, so it didn't happen.
- [14:49]
A
How long did that take for you to practice that erp Was that like something you just did once? Did you do it on repeat? For how long? Like, we know that with ERP it's a lot of homework, assigned activities. How long were you asked to do that for?
- [15:06]
B
Oh, I can't remember how long I was asked to do it for, but I think I probably did it for a few weeks. I think though it wasn't hugely triggering. Like, it didn't take too much for me to be like, okay, I'm through this. So maybe it was like lower on the exposure hierarchy. Yeah, but that. But I did other exposures as well. Later down the track, there was probably some more that were much harder. So I think at this point I may have even stopped seeing Emily and started seeing another OCD therapist, but I'd learn about ERP and how it works and how to do it. So I kind of knew how to treat it myself somewhat. Okay. So at the time, I started going to these breathwork events on the beach, and at the time, I was actually really afraid of incorrect breathing technique because I had OCD about my breathing and about breathing correctly, whatever that means. Because there's so many different opinions about how to breathe, and thinking about breathing or practicing breathing techniques would just cause me anxiety, so it was easier not to do it. But then it was causing me a lot of stress, and it was causing my chest to get tight, and then the pain would continue, etc. So someone invited me to a breathwork event on the beach, and I decided to go along. I thought it would be like, you know, slow, deep breathing, but it wasn't. It was, like, different. It was. So this is the holotropic breathing technique. They call it conscious connected breathing. So in through the mouth and out through the mouth with no pause at the top of the breath and no pause at the bottom. And so you're lying there on the beach doing that, trying to breathe into your belly and your chest, so taking a lot, a lot of breath. And it's kind of like slow hyperventilating. So it's kind of about 10 minutes was how long we did it for. Anyway, I was lying there, and I was like, okay, this isn't correct breathing technique. First of all, it's mouth breathing. I was taught to breathe in through the nose. Second of all, it's like breathing in the chest and the belly. So it's like. It's chest breathing that's bad, right? And thirdly, it was, like, slow hyperventilating. And of course, hyperventilating is kind of what you do when you're having a panic attack. So I was kind of like, why are we doing this? But I knew that this would be a good exposure for me, so I decided to do it. I kind of held back somewhat, but I was lying there. I was so triggered. My feet were, like, clenching up. And luckily, the facilitators on the beach, one of them was really supportive, and I felt kind of seen and, like, safe, and at least there was a supportive person around me. But, yeah, I got through that. I was really triggered at the time. But then, you know, later, the guy on the beach, he gave me the most beautiful hug afterwards, and he was so supportive. And then my mood just shifted. Like, I was just like, I feel great now. And at the time, I was Surfing. And I went for a surf afterwards. I had the most fun, fun surf. So even though that experience was really triggering, the rest of the day was awesome. So. And there is some truth in that. With breath work, it kind of induces a sympathetic response. So it induces the fight or flight system. The fight or flight response in the body allows you to discharge nervous energy. And then normally when you go back to the nasal breathing afterwards, it. It brings you into more of a parasitic empathetic state and more of a meditative state. So that's part of the reason why I felt awful during the breath work. But then later I was like, oh, I feel great. Right? That's it. That doesn't always happen. I still do breath work to this day. I have a different experience every time. So just keeping on going to those events and doing that. There was one time that I decided to go and go all in. So I'd been kind of holding back and not breathing too deeply, but. But this time I'm like, okay, I'm just going to do it how they say. So I committed, and I was thinking, okay, even if I get a panic attack, I'm just going to keep going because, you know, there's supportive facilitators around me and they will support me and I will be okay. Plus, I had a massage booked in the next day because, you know, I. I was compulsively getting massages at that point to take away the pain. But I thought if I get all. My chest gets tight and all that, I will just go and see my massage therapist and he'll fix me. Yeah. So. So. But I went all in and I breathed, and I felt like it was like, one of the most intense exposures of my life. I think I felt like my OCD was like, get me out of here. This isn't correct breathing technique. I wanted to run away, like. And, like, my legs started kind of shaking and kicking a little bit because I had so much, like, kind of nervous energy, right. Going through my body. And I was starting to get this thing in my hands called tetany, where the hands kind of start to seize up. And it's kind of like a bit like T Rex hands, which they tell you that can happen. You get tingles. You can get. Also I was getting tension in my temples. It kind of felt like I was wearing sunglasses, but I wasn't wearing sunglasses. Like, I was getting pressure in all different parts of my face. It was so weird. So my somatic OCD was like, what is going on? I am hurting Myself, But I kept going and I didn't have a panic attack. And then when we, after the 10 minutes, we went back to the normal nasal breathing. And then soon after that, the tension left my hands and I went back to normal. And then I was lying there and I started kind of like laugh, like kind of smiling a little bit and just being like, I can't believe I just did that. I'm such a badass.
- [20:39]
A
You really were. I've done a little bit of breath work and it actually did feel like I was inducing a panic attack. It was like hyperventilation. I was dizzy, I was sweating. I felt sick. But I did feel exhausted afterwards, like I'd had a panic attack, you know, even though I technically wasn't, but my. I think my brain thought I was. So that's really interesting.
- [21:03]
C
Okay, so if you're looking for effective OCD or BFRB treatment that's covered by insurance, I'm thrilled to announce to you this week's sponsor, nocd. NOCD provides live face to face video sessions with licensed therapists who specialize in OCD and related conditions through exposure and response prevention therapy, a highly effective treatment designed specifically for ocd. Their therapist can tailor a plan just.
- [21:38]
A
Just for you.
- [21:39]
C
NOCD's treatment approach is clinically proven to significantly reduce symptoms with an app that helps you stay connected to therapists and peer communities in between sessions so you always feel supported. NOCD is available in all 50 states and even internationally and accepts most insurance plans. Making of care of affordable and accessible. If you think you might have OCD or are struggling to manage symptoms, there is hope. Book a free call@nocd.com you don't have to struggle alone.
- [22:19]
A
Big hugs.
- [22:19]
C
And now let's get back to the show.
- [22:23]
A
So what was it that made you raise your hand to face that fear? You could have just not gone. You could have just practiced. Like, why would you have done that? Was it because you were trying to overcome OCD or did you have a value that you were trying to lean towards? Like, what was it that. It sounds like you were doing that kind of based on your own decision, not that a therapist had advised you to. You came up with that exposure on your own. Why did you make that decision?
- [22:54]
B
I think at the time I realized my fear of correct breathing technique was like taking over my life. And it was, it was making it hard for me to recover from my pain issues because every time, like, as in me being afraid of my chest getting tired would actually cause stress in itself and make my chest tight. Yeah. It was just like this vicious cycle. And, you know, I couldn't do relaxing breathing techniques because it would stress me out too much. But at that point, I was just like, I think if I. If I do this, I'm eventually going to overcome this fear of incorrect breathing technique and I will be free. So I think that's what motivated me also. The people from the breath workplace was super lovely, really supportive, and that made me want to come back. Like, that's. That's half of it, honestly.
- [23:41]
A
So the connection and the community you are also going and longing for.
- [23:46]
B
Yeah, yeah. And I also found out that breath work is a great way to release difficult emotions. So, you know, sometimes in a breathwork session, emotion would come up and I would end up crying, and then I would be supported by someone, and it was just a really good release. So after that, I'd be like, I feel better now I've released that emotion. So it was kind of like therapy to me as well. Even. Even kind of almost like it can help you release trauma, trauma that's stored in the body. And I was. I was feeling like it was helping me process and release past trauma. But then also another fear came up. So because I've been a Christian most of my life, and I was taught by my parents and by a lot of the church, like, don't do anything that's, like, slightly spiritual, that's outside of Christianity. So, you know, like, don't. Don't do yoga, because yoga has Hindu roots and, you know, it's spiritually dangerous. So at these breathwork events, the practices themselves weren't necessarily spiritual, but the people who went there were kind of more of the kind of new age philosophy. And so I was just more exposed to that. And then I started going to a different breath work company, which was a little bit more on the spiritual side. So at that point, I was like, oh, I've been taught that this is spiritually unsafe. If I go to these events and, you know, put myself in a vulnerable position by doing breath work and then open myself up, like, I might be welcoming something in that is spiritually unsafe. So that was a secondary fear I ended up facing, and that was in ways even scarier than the first fear. Yeah.
- [25:26]
A
And would you say that that was a part of your OCD or was that just more religious fears you had been taught?
- [25:35]
B
I think it was both. It was definitely religious fears I'd been taught, but also throughout a lot of my life. I'd, for example, if I was like, at the markets and there was like, A store that had crystals or like, you know, maybe like someone who's reading tarot cards or more spiritual things. I kind of like walk past quickly and kind of like, you know, not get too close and maybe like pray for God to protect me because, you know, I'd be taught that was spiritually unsafe. So yeah, there was that part of me that kind of avoided that. And also if I met someone who was a little bit more of the new age philosophy, I wouldn't easily let down my guard. And yeah, just a lot of avoidance. And you know, I'd never done yoga. Actually. I don't think I've ever. Still to this day I haven't really done much yoga. But that's not because I don't want to, it's just because I haven't had the opportunity.
- [26:25]
A
Right.
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B
But. So it was both my religious upbringing and my own religious OCD and like my fear of being spiritually contaminated.
- [26:37]
A
When you were getting treatment, like more specialized OCD treatment, were there any skills that they taught you that you found particularly helpful as you went through that treatment program?
- [26:52]
B
I think one thing that comes to mind is that my therapist taught me not to white knuckle. So when I'm doing an exposure, don't just like grit your teeth and wait for it to be over. So at the time I was actually getting the COVID vaccine because I was afraid of getting the COVID vaccine. My family was telling me it was going to kill me. And so me going to get the COVID vaccine was a huge exposure at the time. But my psychologist was kind of encouraging me to do that. But then I then I talked to her and said, emily, I just feel like I'm not 100% sure I want to get the COVID vaccine because if I go and then I end up getting a health condition, then I will be like, ah, I want to blame you, Emily, because you made me get this COVID vaccine and I want to blame you. And I'm just kind of like planning on going, but I'm just like, just wait for it to be over. And Emily's like, okay, I don't want you to white knuckle this. If you do get the COVID vaccine, I want you to do it mindfully. And if you don't want to get it, if it's not your choice, if you're not ready, don't get it. Only do it when it's purely your choice. So I cancelled that appointment for the vaccine. But then later I was like, actually, I'm kind of disappointed I canceled that appointment. I want to get the vaccine. So I got it. And I learned not to white knuckle and not to just grit myself and wait for it to be over, to do it all mindfully. And also, I was doing it at my own risk. I wasn't doing it because the therapist had told me I had to. I was like, yes, you know what? If I get illness or if I die, I will. Like that. I'm taking that risk. Like, I will deal with the consequences no matter what. That is.
- [28:38]
A
Yes.
- [28:38]
B
Yeah. I learned not to white knuckle. Yeah.
- [28:41]
A
Yeah. Which is so great because it's something we always share in our, you know, in informed consent at the beginning of therapy. Like, that will never have you do anything that we. You don't want to do, that we'd never have you do anything that we wouldn't do ourselves. That this must be based on your values. So I'm so glad that you had that conversation. What did you do specifically instead of white knuckling? Because I know a lot of people don't even know what to do. Like, if I'm not white knuckling, what am I doing? What would you. What would you say to that?
- [29:14]
B
Well, I'm not sure that this relates to my experience with the COVID vaccine. But later, after I was doing the breathwork events, I also started testing out ice baths. Ice baths were a thing that really taught me how not to white knuckle. So I started going in ice baths that were close to zero degrees Celsius, close to freezing, and I learned to just surrender to the ice. So when you're in there, you put almost your whole body in there and just don't try to fight the ice. Just surrender. Relax those muscles as best you can, of course, and also do the slow breathing. So in through the nose for four seconds and out through the mouth for eight seconds. So that's really slow breathing with a longer breath out through the mouth. So being in ice, which puts your body into a fight or flight state and tells you, you've got to get out of here, you're going to die if you stay in here. That's the body's telling you. But if you choose to stay there and breathe through it and breathe slowly, then after about a minute, the body will adjust and be like, okay, okay, I got this. I think I can do this. And, yeah, so I just. And I also, I. At the time, I was putting my hands under the ice. Nowadays, I wouldn't recommend that because I ended up getting an injury called Ice burn. Anyway, long story, but I was putting my hands under the.
- [30:39]
A
Yeah, yeah, I know, but you've got an injury. Like, that's. That was your fear.
- [30:45]
B
Yeah, yeah. It's like ice burn is when the water inside the fingertips freezes into ice crystals. So I think that happened to me. Yeah. Anyway, that's another story. But at the time when I was facing my fears, I was putting my fingers under the ice and I was just making sure I really felt the cold in my fingertips. So I was just really feeling it and rather than resisting it, just being like, how does it feel, feel to be cold? Anyway, ice bath was something that really taught me to physically surrender. Not white knuckle. And so nowadays when I'm facing anxiety, I'm kind of like, just pretend it's an ice bath. Yeah.
- [31:26]
A
And I. I like that because, number one, I hate ice baths. So it's not. I would. I. But I have done them. But what I love about it is you're practicing when you're not in an anxious state often, which gives you a chance to actually practice it on something other than anxiety. When I did it, it was the same as when I had to do it when I was delivering a baby. Like learning how to relax your hands while trying to push every other part of your body. That taught me how to not white knuckle. Like, I thought I had done a lot of work until I had to take that class when I was having a baby. And that actually really did the. Not white knuckling was a huge piece for me as well. So I love that you brought that up about the ice bath, because I do agree that it does train you how to not white knuckle it.
- [32:17]
B
Yeah, absolutely.
- [32:19]
A
I know you and I, you know, we've been friends for a while, and you had an experience where you shared a part of your ocd. And a lot of people ask how to navigate sharing about your ocd. How would you like. Do you want to share your story or do you want to give people advice on how to navigate the process of sharing personal details about themselves?
- [32:45]
B
Yeah, so I've been lucky enough to be on two other podcasts. Now, the first one was the OCD stories, but then the second one was the to be podcast with a friend of mine. But in that podcast, it was a non OCD kind of podcast. It was just for the general public, I guess, maybe more of the conscious community, so more of the, like, breath work crowd. In that one, he let me share my OCD story, but then I realized that maybe he doesn't fully understand what OCD is, as a lot of people don't. You know, there's this stereotype that OCD is just full neat freaks and cleaning, but there's this all intrusive thoughts. A lot of the general public don't know that that is ocd. So I chose to get really vulnerable on that podcast. And I shared that when I was 22 years old, there was a time that I was really afraid that I was a pedophile because I was getting these sexually intrusive thoughts. And, you know, it horrified me. So I shared that on the podcast, and some friends of mine actually ended up listening to it, and unfortunately, they didn't have the best response. So they were kind of telling me that maybe I was unwise in sharing that, that maybe people would listen and assume that I actually am a pedophile. And almost like, because they were Christians and I'm a Christian as well. But they kind of said, you mentioned that you're a Christian and that you. You. You dealt with those thoughts about children. What if, you know, people who aren't Christians listen and then they. They hear that and then they think, oh, no, Christians are weird. They've got, like, pedophilic tendencies. So they said that, and I was kind of like. Because almost also my friends, they didn't really understand that this wasn't something current I was going through. It was something I dealt with when I was 22, just for a few months, and then nowadays I don't deal with it at all. But my. My friend said that wasn't clear in the podcast, and people might assume I still deal with that. So basically they were saying, you know, it's unwise to share that and, you know, like, you could put yourself at risk and also basically, like, basically making Christians look bad. But that's how I interpreted what they said anyway. So that really rocks me. It was really hard hearing that. And also just knowing that my friends had listened and that they'd had that perspective. I felt so ashamed and just like. Like, just even though I knew that I'm not that person, I felt like, oh, they perceive me to be maybe kind of almost like if I wasn't careful, they thought that maybe I could turn into that. So, yeah, that was really hard. And probably for a few months, I battled with that and just was like, was I wise sharing that? Was I. Was I silly? Also, I remember, Kimberly, we were on a zoom call together. It was an OCD in Australia zoom call, which I love, but at the time, I was Having a big trigger with my friends, and I was. I was in tears on the. On the zoom call. And I know that you saw me visually very, very triggered. So. Yeah. So luckily, since then, I've been able to talk to a few people who've been really supportive and who've encouraged me. And it's kind of. It's taken a while to heal it, but I think I'm getting there. But even, like, in sharing this episode, like, with you, I was thinking, should I mention this again? Because, you know, this is. This will probably go on YouTube. Like, if people look up Lydia Davies, they'll probably find me. And, you know, this will be there for the rest of my life. So what do I do? But I decided, you know what? I really, really think that this needs to be talked about. The reason people don't know what OCD truly is, because a lot of people don't talk about this because they don't want to be canceled. And, yeah, I felt some, like, I don't think I was cancelled, but I felt some effects of shame when someone reacted not in the best way. But then I came to the point where I'm like, you know what? One of my biggest values is helping others who have OCD get better from OCD to spread awareness. So I want to keep doing this because this is important to me. And, like, you know, I would hate it if. If it caused me to struggle to get jobs in the future because people misunderstood my story. But more than that, I really want to help people with ocd. And almost like, I feel like if someone listened, then they found out, oh, my gosh, I'm dealing with OCD that could potentially prevent a suicide. Because, you know, unfortunately, sometimes people struggle with these intrusive thoughts and they assume that they're a horrible person and that the world would be better without them. So that would be an absolute tragedy if people kept on doing that just because they didn't realize that they had ocd. So that's why I want to share. Yeah.
- [37:43]
A
Makes me teary. And I'm so. And I'm. I'm just so proud of you because. And I will tell the listeners, like, as we were prepping for this, you're like, I think I'm going to. I'm going to do it. And I really believe in it. And I was just so proud of you. Like, you're really so incredible and brave and. And walking the walk and talk, not just talking the talk. And so I'm just so grateful. That is a perfect segue for you. To share with us about how people can hear about you, because I know you do help so many people with ocd. So will you tell us about the work that you do and how they can get hold of you before we finish up?
- [38:21]
B
Yeah, absolutely. Well, firstly, you can find me on my Instagram. My Instagram is Lydia Davies, Underscore Creative. And my name, Davies is spelled Davies. And also I manage a support group once a month, so a moderator support group. It's for people with ocd. I love doing that. I've done that for a few years now. It's through the company paywhatyoucanpeer support.com so if you go on that website and you scroll down to the support group OCD and Intrusive Thoughts, you can book into the Friday night one. It's Friday, 7:00pm U.S. eastern Time. And I get to moderate that once a month. So I normally attend most other weeks and someone moderates it, but I get to moderate once a month. But I'm just saying, if anyone wants to join me on that support group, I would absolutely love that. So you're most welcome. Or you're welcome to reach out to me on Instagram.
- [39:20]
A
I love it. That's how I sort of met you. When we're doing our group for the ocd, you're always coming in off of that support group and it's. So you're supporting thought. You're glowing and sparkling after those calls, I could tell it's something that you're really passionate about. So thank you so much. I am so grateful for you to be here. I know for people who are navigating erp, it's scary and you really do a beautiful job of sharing, like how you did it with support of specialists, but also by yourself. Like, you made a lot of those decisions. You just decided on recovery over and over and over and over again. So thank you so much for sharing your story here.
- [40:01]
B
Thank you so much for having me on. It's been wonderful.
- [40:05]
A
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