A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns | Your Mom's House Ep. 804

Summary

Podcast Summary: Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura – Episode 804: "A Hole Is A Hole w/ Tony Johns"

Release Date: April 2, 2025 | Hosts: Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura | Guest: Tony Johns

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1. Introduction and Recent Experiences

The episode kicks off with Christina Pazsitzky welcoming listeners to "Your Mom's House." Shortly after, Christina and Tom Segura delve into their recent travels, specifically their trip to the UK. They recount the unexpected delay caused by a power plant fire at Heathrow Airport, which resulted in a three-day extension of their stay.

Notable Quote:

• [01:04] Tom Segura: "There was a fire at a power plant that supplies power to Heathrow airport... Heathrow is basically the hub of Europe."

2. Family Life and Travel Anecdotes

Christina shares amusing stories about traveling with their children, including an incident where their kids were frequently needing bathroom breaks on a 10-hour flight back to Houston. Tom adds humor by discussing his children's antics with video games and playful teasing.

Notable Quotes:

• [02:22] Christina Pazsitzky: "Our kids peed every 15 minutes on that flight."
• [03:02] Christina Pazsitzky: "That's so fun."

3. Insights on Air Travel and Public Facilities

The hosts transition into a discussion about the differences in public toilet accessibility between Europe and other parts of the world. Christina expresses frustration with the high cost and limited availability of public restrooms in places like London, contrasting it with the highly efficient and accessible toilets in Tokyo and Amsterdam.

Notable Quotes:

• [14:06] Christina Pazsitzky: "They just don't do public and... you have to stand in line."
• [15:05] Christina Pazsitzky: "If you're a tourist that likes to pee, the point is... go to Amsterdam."

4. Tour Announcements and Live Show Highlights

Tom segues into announcing his Fall 2025 Come Together Tour, detailing various cities and urging listeners to purchase tickets using a special code word. He recounts memorable performances, including a sold-out show at Madison Square Garden featuring surprise opening acts like Redman and Chris DiStefano.

Notable Quotes:

• [06:13] Tom Segura: "We have pre-sale tickets starting today... I'm looking forward to seeing you guys out there."
• [08:21] Tom Segura: "They were so hot and they never faded for the entire show."

5. Introducing the Guest: Tony Johns

The conversation shifts as Christina introduces Tony Johns, a guest who has been experiencing a tumultuous few weeks. Tony shares his struggles with employment, eviction, and attempts to monetize his content via OnlyFans. The hosts express concern and attempt to offer support and solutions.

Notable Quotes:

• [46:28] Tom Segura: "This has been the most dramatic two weeks that could possibly happen in somebody's life."
• [62:44] Christina Pazsitzky: "I just had a flash of when you... I wish I could set you up on a date."

6. Tony Johns' Personal Challenges

Tony provides a detailed account of his recent hardships, including being fired from multiple jobs, getting evicted, and facing hostility from coworkers and landlords. He discusses his foray into OnlyFans as a means to generate income, albeit with limited success.

Notable Quotes:

• [49:03] Tony Johns: "A co-worker has now threatened me with my life... very, very scared for my safety."
• [66:03] Tom Segura: "So for people who want to follow Tony's OnlyFans, it's at Tony Michael Johns 96."

7. Hosts' Support and Future Plans

Tom and Christina brainstorm ways to assist Tony, suggesting collaborations and promotional strategies to help him stabilize his situation. They discuss the possibility of Tony working on adult content scenes with themselves and other performers to boost his OnlyFans presence.

Notable Quotes:

• [75:24] Tom Segura: "We're going to fly you out to Vegas."
• [84:44] Tom Segura: "That's how you retire this show."

8. Humorous Banter and Closing Remarks

Throughout the episode, the hosts engage in lighthearted and humorous exchanges, reflecting their comedic style. They touch upon various offbeat topics, including awkward wedding speeches and public embarrassment moments, maintaining an entertaining atmosphere despite the serious issues discussed.

Notable Quotes:

• [86:37] Tom Segura: "My eyebrows are bleeding."
• [92:36] Tom Segura: "I just got so goddamn uncomfortable."

9. Conclusion and Final Announcements

As the episode wraps up, Tom reiterates the tour dates and ticketing information, encouraging listeners to attend his live shows. The hosts express excitement about future collaborations and support for Tony's endeavors, concluding with their signature humor.

Notable Quote:

• [75:53] Christina Pazsitzky: "I think sucking on dudes' toes, that's easy money."

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This episode of "Your Mom's House" offers a blend of personal anecdotes, comedic dialogue, and heartfelt support for a guest in distress. Christina and Tom navigate through light-hearted banter and serious discussions, providing an engaging and multifaceted listening experience.

Transcript

[Tom Segura]

Hey everyone. We just announced my Fall 2025 Come Together Tour dates. And you can get pre sale tickets starting today at 10am local time in each city with the code word Tommy. Go get your tickets now. Before the general on sale this Friday at tomsegura.com tour, we added a whole bunch of cities including Allentown, Penns, West Lafayette, Indiana and Colorado Springs and so many more. I'll see you guys out there. Thank you so much. Welcome.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Welcome to your mom'.

[Tom Segura]

What'S everybody, what's everybody? Dude, this is Governor. Governor. I'm so excited.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Governor.

[Tom Segura]

I'm pumped and I've been like just on pins and needles. Just excited to come in here and do this show.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Me too, bro. So many things to go over. We've lived quite our lives in the last couple weeks.

[Tom Segura]

Yes. We got back from the UK okay mate.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So much fun. And then we got stuck in the UK for three additional days because of the Heathrow fire.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. There was a fire at a power plant that supplies power to Heathrow airport and they shut that down. I don't know if you know this Heathrow is not a small airport. It's basically the hub of Europe. Yeah. So kind of up about 800,000 people's day. Yeah. Like for real.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We were gonna leave. The kids and I were gonna leave.

[Tom Segura]

You were leaving to go back to the States? I was leaving to go to Glasgow with the my tour crew. So we ended up going on a four and a half hour train ride and you guys ended up staying a few extra days. But it up everybody, everybody in Europe.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well the good thing is though it kind of took the pressure off the trip. You know when you're a tourist and you're like, hey, we gotta go do the London Eye. Then we gotta go see Big Ben. We gotta, we didn't. We relaxed and then we, we went to the Tower of London because the kids wanted to see murder. Killing swords. Swords. The rack. Torture.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And I was like, that's definitely your kid. Those are your children. And they loved it.

[Tom Segura]

Of course they did. Cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. And then we flew back 10 hours to Houston.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And our kids peed every 15 minutes on that flight. So every time I could like sit down and relax, they're like, mom, I gotta go pee.

[Tom Segura]

I was telling, I was telling Shane last night cuz we were talking about video games and I was like, oh yeah, you know we got a PS5 and how the boys, you know, they play their games and then they, they, they like to watch me play games. So they go, you Going to play basketball. I go, yeah, I'll put on like 2k and I'll play. And how if I'm beating the out of somebody, they're like, yeah, but if I'm down by one point, they're like, you suck, man. And he's like, yeah, you made like, you created friends. Like, I just made a couple friends who are like, so they got your back when you're good and they're, they, they make fun of you on you. Yeah. I was like, yeah, that's true. They're like my little buddies.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's so fun. Yeah. And your littlest buddy Juju decided to take a horrendous dump on the flight back from London. Yeah, dude. Like, it was a multi wiper. Like, he had to wipe about 500 times. And he's one who really loves a bidet and loves getting clean. Yeah, he loves it.

[Tom Segura]

Privacy, please.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know, So I was standing, and they won't go to the bathroom alone on an airplane. I had to stand there, watch him. Yeah. And then he's like, it's not clean enough. It's not clean enough. And I'm like, it's fine. He's like, well, how do I clean it? I'm like, just get the toilet paper wet, dude. He just kept wiping. And meanwhile, there's a line of people. Of course I can't on an airplane. I get so much anxiety because what if they, you know, there's people waiting.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Anyway, I've been on flights now for a while.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No. Oh, I know.

[Tom Segura]

Basically, I never on an airplane. And then I turned 40 and then I was like, oh, yeah. If I feel anything for me, I'm going to here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But you don't feel the pressure of the people, Other people?

[Tom Segura]

No, no. I mean, how do you block that out? I don't know. I just. I just own it, dude. And I also go. I do these things where I realize it's going to be a multi flusher, you know?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Because I'll. I'll do a courtesy flush when the first wave comes out.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then, you know, you're wiping, cleaning and wiping. Those are multi multiple flushes, too. I just go, like, yeah, I'm up here. There's no secrets. I'll just let the people know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's really cool.

[Tom Segura]

And then I always. Usually what I do is when I come out of that restroom and you're facing everybody, I make eye contact and I see if they'll break, because I go, I'm not going to break. So I look at them like. Yeah, I know, I just. Shit, you know it too. And I watch them go down.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Oh, that's cool. Yeah, you badger them into submission. But I feel like that's the position you have to take if you're going to be so bold as to on a flight.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, well it's the thing is you can't manufacture the confidence. This is something that I've gotten to with age. 25 year old me couldn't have done that. 45 year old me is like. You guys want to talk? Want to hear about some shit I just did? I just took a up here. You deal with it. You're. It's your problem, it's your problem now.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But that only comes with being a dad. I think you've really come into your dadhood. You were always meant to be a middle aged dad because that was who you were at 23 when I met you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you dad energy, you've big dad energy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, this is, this is the fulfillment, it's all. This is perfect for you. This is your time, this is your stride. Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Feels good.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. I think I was meant to be like a 50 year old lady because I like that time.

[Tom Segura]

Feels good.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It does feel good.

[Tom Segura]

Cuz the, the pressure's off.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The pressure's off. I've done a lot already. I'm not looking for dudes to date or talk to me, you know, cuz I've already got the dudes.

[Tom Segura]

You got a dude? You already got a dude.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. As long as I stay thin enough I'm happy with stuff, you know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I know exactly what you mean. Well just also I should say big shout out to all the people in the UK and Ireland that came out to the shows. Thank you very much. I had a great time doing the shows also. Big surprise. But just got to be honest. You got to be honest.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Too many Muslims in London.

[Tom Segura]

That's not where I was going. I was talking about the shows. Oh, you just kind of give all, you always got to go like man, people go, what was the best show? You know where the best show was?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Where?

[Tom Segura]

Cardiff, Wales.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The Welsh.

[Tom Segura]

I'd never done a show there. You know, we did it all. Shows were fun. We did shows in, in Dublin, in Belfast, in London, in Manchester, in Nottingham. Where am I forgetting where the sheriff lives. Where the sheriff lives, Robin Hood lives. But man, we get to Cardiff, it's our last gig, we're like, oh we hope it's a good one. Bananas, electric. Crap.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's amazing.

[Tom Segura]

And then a week later come back and do msg. A sold out show at MSG Bananas. And I had big secrets. I never announced it, but I had Red man open the show, which was just wild, absolute one of my all time favorites. I mean, I've grown up listening to this guy, reached out, had him open the show, surprise open the show, which was just, it was so amazing. And then I surprised the audience. I had Chris DiStefano do a set so funny. And then had him bring up Joey Diaz, which was another surprise. And then I got up there and I'll, I'll say this because sometimes, you know, you do. I would say here in the States, when you do New York and la, you know, you can get big crowds, but you can also get a crowd in either of those cities that's like, you know, who the are you? Like, we're. Yeah, we're the biggest market. Like, yeah, I don't know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

You press me.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And you just don't know. Even though it was, it was packed. It was. There was 13, 000 people at the show. We were like, well, you know, you go. I don't know what they'll be like, dude, this crowd was unbelievable. Like, literally one of the best crowds I've ever. They were so hot and they never faded for the entire show. Like, they had peak energy and it was just like, it was so fun, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, I think, because I, I got to go to that. And I was so pumped to see you do msg. I mean, it was, it was first of all, New York City to me is the center of the universe. It's fantastic. And to see the crowd was so hyped because I think they get it. They're like, if you're at Madison Square Garden.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You said that you did it and they're rooting for you. They want you to do well.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And it was so big. Oh, there's Joey. Oh my gosh, she's so funny. Chrissy.

[Tom Segura]

Joey, so funny. Joe. Chrissy D and I were talking about, we were like, look at this fucking guy. He's wearing sweatpants.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He's got a band aid on his ear. He looks like he's walking to, to his gate at the airport and he just walks up on stage and demolishes. Meanwhile, like, the rest of us are like, hey, you know, is this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Is this shirt steamed? Like you're just trying to like, make sure you look presentable.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Joey's like, what? Like he's just went down to the market to grab a sandwich.

[Tony Johns]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And he Just goes up there and just kills. It was so fun to watch.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So amazing.

[Tom Segura]

I used to rob people around here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's what he said.

[Tom Segura]

That's awesome, dude.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Chrissy D and I were backstage, and in his green room, there was an event from 1984. A poster that said cat ranking assembly or cat ranking whatever thing. And he's like, my. You know how he talks like that? My Uncle Irvin was a cat ranking judge. And I'm like, no, he wasn't. He's like, no, look, there's videos on Tick Tock. He's ranking cats. You're so crazy.

[Tom Segura]

So insane. These guys are nuts. Dude.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

New Yorkers are different. They're good.

[Tom Segura]

It was the best. It was really fun. Thank God. It's like this will always be a crazy memory for me. Is. Is doing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, my gosh.

[Tom Segura]

Red Man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He was so nice, too. His whole crew.

[Tom Segura]

And also so high. Just how I wanted him to be.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He was so goddamn high.

[Tom Segura]

How high? Well, so high he could touch the sky. Like, it was. It was very, very. There was so much. There was. I was like, which. Which green room is Red man in? And then you just follow the smell and you're like, it's definitely this one.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Glad the kids didn't come to this.

[Tom Segura]

And primo came out.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

DJ premiere, bunch of friends, family. It was just. It was an awesome night. Yeah. Sean took that. He's framing that for me. I thought that was a really cool photo.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I wonder if Bauhaus will open for me if I ever, you know, do MSG after.

[Tom Segura]

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[Christina Pazsitzky]

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[Tom Segura]

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[Christina Pazsitzky]

We leave the topic. I just want to give a shout out to London.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

A number one food. I don't know what happened to us a couple years back. Told you we got jacked.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, we went to bad places.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't know how that happened. I just want to give a shout out to London. Your food crushed.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

However, I will say, I don't know what Europe has against public toilets. Yeah, it feels like they want you to eat the food, but not anywhere in public. They're like, you take that dump home and you pee at home.

[Tom Segura]

There's a lot of things I like more in Europe, but toilets is not one of them.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They just don't do public and. And, oh, you want to use our toilet. That's like £5. Yeah, you got £5 on you and then you have to stand in line. I'm like, this is insanity.

[Tom Segura]

I don't like it either.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So eventually I would pop into a pub. I learned with kid.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And with the kids. Oh, my kids have to pee. Or we just pee in the car.

[Tom Segura]

You want to shit somewhere in public, you go to Tokyo. It's the number one toilet system on earth.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Is that right?

[Tom Segura]

Seven eleven has a Toto washlet. I mean, what do you. What do we. What's going on here? 7:11. I went purposely to 7:11 to take a see.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So this tells me that London, England, uk, Europe, they have something against people going to the bathroom in public. I don't know what they got. They got a problem with.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Not in Amsterdam. In Amsterdam, remember, they're like, yeah, you want to pee, just piss here.

[Tom Segura]

No, Amsterdam set up to pee outside. They're like, we know you're going to be ready to pee at any moment as a drunk.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So here's this outside outdoor stall, just a concrete thing. And you see the feet, you see, you see people. You're like, that guy's taking a piss right now.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Because this. They started doing this, I guess, in the 1500s because, like, there's the first.

[Tom Segura]

Public toilet, outdoor urinal. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And now they're like, well, you're getting.

[Tom Segura]

Drunk, by the way.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Just pee outside.

[Tom Segura]

Once you get past kind of the surprise of this, you're like, well, this is brilliant. I always have to pee. I'm always looking for a place.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Me too. So the point is, if you're a tourist that likes to pee, the point.

[Tom Segura]

Is, if you got a pee, you go to Amsterdam. If you think you're going to need to shit, you go to Tokyo. Those are the two places that care about your pee and your poop. All right, let's. Let's get into the show. Let's start the show. This is a insane.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I really hate when they eat it.

[Tony Johns]

And then they realize that my Garfield is gripping their tongue and so now they just want to feel it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They need to feel it.

[Tony Johns]

They have to feel it. I don't have time for that. Like, if you're gonna eat me out, I got. I got. My Garfield's great. It's grand. I'm telling you right now.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So if you want to eat me out, fine with.

[Tony Johns]

If you want to go past that, just don't even start. Because when it grip your tongue, you going damn sure want to penetrate. Who is rat?

[Tom Segura]

Don't bring anyone loving for this. Hell yeah. Yeah. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Welcome to your mom's house.

[Tom Segura]

Man. She's got a tight little snatch on her, huh?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Well, you know, you always ask this of me whenever there's a cool guy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This being a cool girl.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, do you want to hit it Knowing. Hold on. Knowing that her Garfield is pretty tight.

[Tom Segura]

It's great. It's grand and snug and it'll grip my tongue. Yeah. I mean, here's the thing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Be honest. Pretend we're not married. You get carte blanche. This is your one for.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, there's a lot going on. You're right. This is a kind of reverse psychology thing you're doing here. Well, you know what? Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You mean, you're always telling me, like, you don't think that guy's really good at doing the thing. You don't think you'll eat your box.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, I'll start with this. I am curious at what the Garfield does. Okay. I kind. I am. I'm not going to deny that I'm not curious. In my mind, as she told the story, I was like, hm, I wonder what's not going to have my tongue. I was like, is it going to pull my tongue out? So I did think that. I mean, she's, you know, she's, she's attractive. She's not an unattractive woman. I'm. I don't love the ceiling of her car. I don't love the, the headboard there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

By the way, I had this exact.

[Tom Segura]

Cool guy lighting and angle. She's driving, talking about her pussy. She's got, she's got some questionable judgment things going on, but that probably makes it even better.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Babe.

[Tony Johns]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Here's the thing. Like you said, it's fine to just go, you know, would I have intercourse with this woman? I think I would.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow. Be honesty.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I think I would. I think I would.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

See, this is where you and I agree to disagree.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I can't look past the externals. I can't look past the teeth. I can't look past the ceiling that's falling down.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I would definitely. Here's the thing. Would I. Is this one that I would tell everyone about? Like, you know, if you was a single guy, you tell your friend, I might, I might keep it secret. You know, I might not tell them, hey, I, I, our Uber driver. But, but yeah, I mean, I'm so curious that her description is appealing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So. But here's the real question. I always wonder is, do you take her to your place? Do you know her place? Do you go, is that her place? Is the car her place?

[Tom Segura]

It might Be her place.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's what I'm thinking.

[Tom Segura]

That has. I live in here vibes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Also, what is that, like a stopwatch around her neck? What's going on?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's a heart pacemaker. I don't know, dude.

[Tom Segura]

She's like, I time my drives. Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She's got a lot of. Around her neck, for sure.

[Tom Segura]

There's a lot going on. You're right. She's. She's kind. Like, it's kind of. But here's the only way you make this video as a lady is if you're kind of chaotic, you know? Yeah. Yeah. This isn't. This isn't where you take her.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, do you go to a shed because you want to keep it as you can't talk?

[Tom Segura]

No. Yeah. No, this is a. This is a secret. This lady's a.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So then do you check into, like, a scummy motel?

[Tom Segura]

Maybe? I don't know. I mean, you. You definitely are like, no, no, not here. That. That's what. The first thing I would say to her. Whatever. She was like, all right. I'd be like, well, not here. That's the first thing I would say to her. Let's go somewhere else. She's like, well, there's a. I go, how about on the outskirts of town, you know, like another town over. Yeah. She's kind of this lady. You don't want her to. You don't want her to know where you live, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, of course not.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So that's why. That's number one.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do you know what? I just. Yeah, sorry.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, go ahead.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I just had a flash of, you know, when you. You just know two people and you're like, I wish I could set them up on a date.

[Tom Segura]

Huh.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Don't tell me that you don't think she and Unk Shine would be.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, amazing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

A perfect match. Yeah, because he's like, I want to lick your booty.

[Tom Segura]

Booty.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's always talking about eating girls out, and he.

[Tom Segura]

Tongue. Yes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. He loves eating girls out. She loves having.

[Tom Segura]

Here's the thing, though. She is 150 IQ points above him.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's true.

[Tom Segura]

I don't think she would be like, oh, you're cool. No, she's. You know, I think she's had some attractive partners before. Of course, I, like, put together people. Not like he had. He'll just be like, I saw a woman asleep on floor. He's a mess, dude. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's true.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, I wonder which gentlemen are with her, though. I don't know. By the way, this ceiling thing that hurt. That's falling in her car. I had the exact thing happen in my 87 Chevy Nova. And I could tell there's. I had cigarette burns in mine, too, which I think I see up there as well. Very hard. Once it starts falling, that one is almost impossible to repair.

[Tom Segura]

And also very tough. The fact, like, I don't have a problem with that being your. The ceiling in your car. You just don't have to show it in the video.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, you can angle it.

[Tom Segura]

She could have just made this video parked this way.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. You can't.

[Tom Segura]

Maybe not while you're driving. And that's really a safety thing. I don't think you should make these videos while driving. It's not necessary. Guys in the booth, would you. Are you curious as to what her Garfield's like? Hell, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, wow. Surprise answer from any.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No. That got like a thousand bodies that would never admit that they. Exactly. 100 ZOLO.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean. Yeah. The confidence really is, you know, intriguing guy. Men are different creatures. I'll tell you.

[Tom Segura]

I want to know. And she specifically was like. Like, she's talking about her Garfield grabbing tongues. Not because it happened once. It happens. There's a bunch of guys who are like, holy. Like, they're always.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I feel sick. I don't want you doing that sound and like, acting. Stop.

[Tom Segura]

And then she's right. Then everyone's like, I want to put my dick in there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okie dokie.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So anyway, I wanted to let you know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Apropos and earlier discussion on this show, I mentioned obese flight attendant that I had on a flight. And so I was on another flight and a fan of the show. This flight attendant was kind enough, and she goes, I heard what you said about the overweight flight attendant. And I was like, yeah, tell me, why is this happening? She goes, they haven't weighed us since 1994.

[Tom Segura]

They used to weigh them in 94.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Absolutely.

[Tom Segura]

I figured they thought waiting in the 60s.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Oh.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And she says, you know, they stopped weighing us because she said, apparently it's a form of discrimination and it's protected to be a great big fat person. Now, here's the deal, man. I mean, I don't know. The lawyers didn't argue this case. Well, because that can be. That's a controllable thing. Your weight. Correct. And what if it's a qualification of said job that you need to be a certain.

[Tom Segura]

Well, you know, that's why you see fat cops too. Right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Terrible. They got to take because they only.

[Tom Segura]

Have to take the fitness test once, which is like in the academy, which is why you'll see these guys who are literally 330 pounds and you're like, you're gonna chase a guy?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, but it makes no sense. Like, let's say a qualification to be a physicist is a PhD in physicistics. Right? There's a qualification. There's a thing that needs to happen. So why can't. Maintaining a baseline.

[Tom Segura]

There's probably. It's all. It's all unionized. That's what I mean. That's why cops. They're all bald and they're all bald and. And they're. And why they don't have a. A requirement to stay fit is because of the strength of the union. So I imagine flight attendants have. Is there a flight attendants? There must be, because there's something like that. I don't know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, I look a little. I'm saying that this guy was so obese that it was like he was bumping into us and stuff as he was walking by. And like, he can't even do his job.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. There's the association of Flight Attendants.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, gosh.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Is the flight attendant. It represents 50,000 flight attendants. And 100% one of the things in there is we can be as fat as we want.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So. Yeah, but it's cost prohibitive for the airline because you're taking up someone's suitcase space.

[Tom Segura]

Let's say they are.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Weight is important on an airplane.

[Tom Segura]

It's a safety issue. You're also giving up the happiness of the people that look at you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's the. That's the biggest problem.

[Tom Segura]

You're supposed to look at them and be like, pretty. Yeah. Consider this your official notice that Mother's Day is fast approaching. Sunday, 11th May is the day for all the moms in our lives. So let's show them how much we care. This year, go for a gift that ignites her smile and maybe even triggers a few tears with a special piece of jewelry from Bluenile.com as the original online jeweler since 1999, peace of mind comes with every Blue Nile purchase. Thanks to some of the highest quality standards in the jewelry industry. Complement Mom's classic tastes by designing a one of a kind diamond pendant or ace a piece with brilliant style with a classic tennis bracelet. Need to know more about a particular piece? Blue Nile's Jewelry experts are waiting 247 via phone or chat. From tech specs to budget wrecks, they'll help you find a piece Your mom will love our very own. Any loves his mother so much and boy did he get her a beautiful piece from Blue Nile. He showed all of us and she is going to be thrilled. Treat mom right this Mother's Day. Enjoy the ease and convenience of shopping. Blue Nile, the original online jeweler. Go to blue nile.com today. That's blue nile.com.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Remember when they were pretty and stuff?

[Tom Segura]

You know where they still are pretty women in Asia, Singapore. If you look at Cathay Pacific.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Cathay Pacific Airlines.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

They're just like, hey, if you're 125, you get, get off of this plane. They do not around there. Same thing with like all like those top tier internationals. Yeah, yeah, they all are. Look at that. They're all attractive and put together. Singapore Air Emirates.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Emirates is great.

[Tom Segura]

Etiad.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, dude. No, I know.

[Tom Segura]

Look at them gorgeous dimes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And guess what? Everybody on that flight is like this. This is nice.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Happy. Even I shout out to Richard Branson on the Virgin line. Virgin Atlantic. I loved flying Virgin because they were all cool and pretty and they had cool outfits.

[Tom Segura]

What's wrong with that?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It matters.

[Tom Segura]

Can you not? Yeah, there's restaurants that also only hire attractive women. The hostess, of course, like that's, that's deliberate. Jesus Christ, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, dude, it's a safety issue. How. How is this person gonna assist me getting so fat? And also when you fly, as you know, Tom.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There's a weight allotment for aircraft. Of course it affects. There's a max weight, the balance.

[Tom Segura]

Here's the thing. It's not just a big fatty because I've had big, big barbarian. You know, she comes down like this and her hips are hitting the, the seat next to you and guess what? She's grumpy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

She's kind of sweaty.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

She's not pleasant.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Not happy.

[Tom Segura]

She's got a. She's. She's a big, big broad.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Big broad.

[Tom Segura]

And she's not even providing good service.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They don't. No.

[Tom Segura]

Because she's trying to digest food.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. She's all logi from the carbs. I do. However, the obese guy that served, he was gay too. He's gay. And he, he was polite. He was fun because he was gay. And by the way, I prefer a gay flight attendant. I love the gay ones.

[Tom Segura]

Fat, gay. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I love a gay flight attendant.

[Tom Segura]

And yeah, they're, they're fun.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Great. And I will say shout out to the gays in New York City. Boy, can they dress. They looked fantastic. The gays came with their fashions.

[Tom Segura]

We were also talking about in the.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

In the US they have fat flight attendants.

[Tom Segura]

That's hilarious, dude.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. And how cool would it be to be the person pictured in that article? You're like, oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

Hey, you're. You're in the. You're in the press, and they're like, what, Take a picture of me? Yeah, it's an article about how there's fat people here. That's cool. That is so, so embarrassing. You would be like, oh, my God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They can't use that picture, can they? But I will say in. In London, you don't see as many great big fat people, because I think they don't have as much food on the go that we do. Like, you can't just grab a pizza slice and walk through London.

[Tom Segura]

We're the fattest. That's no.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

By far.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Also another thing you notice is how. How. How many attractive people. Obviously, this is a numbers game. How many attractive people you see in New York walking around so pretty. Everyone's so good looking.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So pretty.

[Tom Segura]

So many.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The modeling capital of way. One of the capitals. Stunning people.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. No, a New York six is in Austin. Ten.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, yeah, listen, I love Austin. I love Austin. I gotta say, a lot of the ladies walk around here garbage dumps. They're not taking care of them. They're not looking good.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, you guys see, we're getting a lot of these. How y'all do like these?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know, that's Dallas and Houston, and.

[Tom Segura]

You see them here, too.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But Austin is more like just the young girls. That should be cute. They're. They. They dress like garbage bags.

[Tom Segura]

And I'm like, well, I hope you're looking like that. I hope you get your Garfield grips, because you're going to have to bring something to the table, you know? Got to bring something to the table. Here. You wanted to show me this?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What? Holy.

[RPC]

Oh, my God. You're distracting me right now. Like, now you're just doing that.

[Tom Segura]

Why?

[RPC]

Why are you distracting me?

[Tom Segura]

I'm just captivating.

[RPC]

Yeah, you're just distracting me. No, but. Oh, my God, stop. You're annoying me.

[Tom Segura]

Stop.

[RPC]

It's not cute. No, he's distracting me, so.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, there's more. There's more. Okay, there's more.

[RPC]

Gonna see how it feels to have it be out there. This.

[Tony Johns]

You're a winner.

[RPC]

Oh, my God. When I'm talking, you're not talking. No, when I'm talking, you're not talking. This is why. Yes. We'll have to, like, just cut him out of the show. No, no. I mean, I think this is a really raw show, and it's very real, and we took a lot of chances.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Did you see the. His face was like, I will hit you. And I will say in this instance. Yeah, he should have hit her. I think this is the time you hit a. Is this. That is a lack of respect.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Big. She don't respect him at all.

[Tom Segura]

Well, that's. Yeah. I think this. This went pretty viral.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes, it did.

[Tom Segura]

And they even made a joke about it. Did you see it?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No.

[Tom Segura]

On one of their. Maybe it was his Instagram or hers. Like, they kind of replayed it in bed.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, yeah. She's like. A lot of people are saying that, like, disrespecting. I disrespect you, but I want you like, I love you. And I was like.

[Tom Segura]

He's like, I know, I know. I know. I know you do. I still learning the English.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

How do you say disrespect?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like, can you find that? I love to watch. Because I. I saw the first few seconds and I clicked off because I'm so disinterested in these two as people. But, I mean, could you. Babe, if I talk to you like that. First of all, privately negative, but publicly, yeah, publicly.

[Tom Segura]

Bruh.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Bruh. First of all, the guy's old. Like, he doesn't want seven kids. Also, he's letting you have seven kids.

[Tom Segura]

Let's be clear about something, too. In this. Just straight up, of the two of them, why is there a camera anywhere?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

100.

[Tom Segura]

So right then when she goes, when I'm talking, you're not talking. He should have been like, do you know why they're even doing this? It's not because of you. No, babe, it's because of me.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

100.

[Tom Segura]

So how about whenever I feel like talking, you shut the up and then a. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. How do you say it again? What do you say when you get hit in Spanish?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's insane. That was insane.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But she has a great rack for seven kids.

[Tom Segura]

I think she's a yoga instructor.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Of course. She's always working out on the ground.

[Tom Segura]

You know how there's always reality shows about yoga instructors? No. It's because you married a movie star.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

All right, let's see this horseshit where she's winner.

[RPC]

Oh, my God. When I'm talking, you're not talking. No, when I'm talking, you're not talking. This is why. Yes, we'll have to, like, just cut him out of the show. And that is called. What's the Word of the day.

[Tony Johns]

Man interrupting.

[RPC]

Man interrupting. Which could be a positive, it could be a negative, or it could be a.

[Tony Johns]

Correctile dysfunction.

[RPC]

Yes, Correct dialog dysfunction. I think this one of our children trying to get into the room. But, you know, the whole point is. Because our children about to come in. The whole point is that we interrupt each other all the time.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Why are they laughing? What's the.

[RPC]

Okay, I'm coming.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's a great apartment in New York City.

[RPC]

Okay. So now that we cleared all of that up.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It's all those yoga classes she taught my kids just.

[RPC]

They know that I'm.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's a. Yeah. That's a gorgeous place. Big room.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I like that guy goes, the word of the day is rude. You were rude to your husband.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, and then she doubles down on it. This is a double down.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, this is.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I listen, everybody knows what's going on.

[Tom Segura]

What's going on here?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What is going on here? Yeah, he just is. Does she have the grip in her Garfield?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. I'm sure she's got a real grippy Garfield.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Is that. This is.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, not after seven, but I'm sure it started pretty grippy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Not anymore.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I mean. Yeah. I mean, I don't know. It's pretty obvious, right? He's like 30 years older than her or something.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Babe.

[Tom Segura]

And he.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is Alec Baldwin.

[Tom Segura]

I know, but he met her. He was already like in his 50s.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

And she was like whatever, 28.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, yeah, but he's Alec Baldwin. He can get. He was with pacing her at one point, like, brewing. He don't need her.

[Tom Segura]

Well, this is. You know, the trains left the state. You have seven kids with someone. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Maybe that's why she is that way. She's cranking out to like, lock it down. Lock it down, lock it down.

[Tom Segura]

And also, like, it's funny because.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wild dude.

[Tom Segura]

You can tell who's a real performer and entertainer in this dynamic. I mean, you're still like. You're just still. There's a reason why this wasn't your life.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Before him. Was because you're not that entertaining.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, she's not. There's no talent. There's not a talent.

[Tom Segura]

You're still a yoga instructor.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You just married a movie star.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She's gorgeous. Hey.

[Tom Segura]

Very pretty.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Good body. Good fate. Like, she's really. I don't think she's very interesting to listen to or there's not many ideas and stuff, but. Wow. I'm surprised. Did you see the rage? Hold on. Can you back it up? In that interview where he kind of goes.

[Tom Segura]

He goes, oh, yeah, that was awesome. Yeah.

[RPC]

Gonna see how it feels to have it be out there.

[Tom Segura]

It'll be great.

[Tony Johns]

You're a winner.

[RPC]

Oh, my God. When I'm talking, you're not talking. No, when I'm talking, this is why.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So that's funny now. He's still funny. No, no, he thinks about that.

[RPC]

I mean, I think this is a really raw show, and it's very real.

[Tom Segura]

And that's, you know, what happened right here. When he went. He was just like, you can't hit her on. You can't. You can't hit a woman.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, yeah. He's thinking of the Garfield. He goes looking for Garfield.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, This. I had seven kids.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. He's trapped. Dude. That is wild.

[Tom Segura]

That's insane.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is why we say it all the time.

[Tom Segura]

How old is he now?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

98.

[Tom Segura]

No, he's got to be like, poor guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, he's 66.

[Tom Segura]

This man's almost 70 years old.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But, man, I had the biggest crush on him.

[Tom Segura]

He's turning 67.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When he did that movie the Marrying man with Kim Basinger, I was like, God, if I grow up to look like Kim Basinger and I could get Alec bald.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, he's a stud, dude.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, my God. I thought he was the most attractive man I'd ever seen.

[Tom Segura]

He's so handsome. And when he was Jack Ryan.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What?

[Tom Segura]

When he played Jack Ryan and what? In whatever it's called.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, yeah, look at that.

[Tom Segura]

That's what he's like. That's his James Bond era, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Gorgeous.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he's fantastic in that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

All the Baldwins. I think one or two are kind of goofy looking.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. But that genetic lottery just is what it is. But he definitely got all the good stuff. Yeah, no, he's fantastic.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Gravelly voice.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he's really good.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I really like.

[Tom Segura]

But this is also part of what. Putting your whole family on display.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Nope.

[Tom Segura]

Like reality shows. I cannot believe any of these people sign up. I hope they're paying him a fortune for this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The. But it's always a marriage killer because everybody that's ever done one, they end up divorced. Except for Ozzy and what's her name? Sharon Osborne. But other than that, they didn't divorce her together. But they were ironclad before.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, Ozzy was doing crazy for years before they had a reality show. The reality show probably calmed him down, but they always end up divorced, broken, no good, no bueno.

[Tom Segura]

No. Oh, my God. That was just insane. Oh, yeah. This is. You're gonna love this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I would have hit her.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, got a montage for you. You ready?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Here we go.

[Tony Johns]

Government of Canada. Get your target program up by family now. Third year 12 of probably enough of.

[Tom Segura]

A Stop them bastards.

[Tony Johns]

They do the most aided things to.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

My belly, but my lips and everything.

[Tony Johns]

I. Burnt skin falling out of my mouth. Abrasions when they.

[Tom Segura]

Their energy voice stop to me.

[Tony Johns]

I'm trying to be strong here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Having a breakdown tonight. Oh.

[Tony Johns]

Do you hear me?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is what it feels like to take the subway in New York City.

[Tom Segura]

I sent a video of first to Sickler. He goes, the funniest part is that I see that you follow her. I was like, yeah. Every day she's just like, ah, look at my tongue. They're sending. They're sending radioactive waves into my apartment. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. My mom got into that later in the life, really. There's waves. And the telephones got sound waves. I can't use the telephone. I can't send emails. Yeah, this is a little bit of schizophrenia, Tom.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, she's schizophrenic. It's pretty cool. She's really mad at the Canadian government. I know her whole story.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Was she mad at.

[Tom Segura]

The Canadian government is attacking her and they're trying to like send these kind of penetrative waves into her place and they're. They're abusing her and she just wants somebody to come in and stop them.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

They even follow her outside and stuff.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's. That's. You got to put tinfoil on the windows. Everybody knows that. Day number one. And. Yeah, don't go outside. This is when you become a shutter. This is about where my mom decided to call it a day.

[Tom Segura]

But, man, there's a lot going on. A lot of. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yet she still knows how to post a video on.

[Tom Segura]

And she writes. And she writes the captions.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, she does.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, wow.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So she's still there.

[Tom Segura]

There's something. Something's still there. It's not all there. Something's there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Looking forward to her creative development.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, we'll have a follow up pretty soon. You know, the Baldwins, I don't think they're doing it right as a family, but I think this is a great move for our family. Using a family cloth instead of toilet paper. Everyone learns responsibility cleaning the family cloth. You don't have to waste all that money on toilet paper. You know what I mean? Think about how much you would save in a year. Hundreds, maybe thousands.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm into this. And the waste. Just the The.

[Tom Segura]

So imagine I just. Yeah, I wipe my ass with the family cloth, rinse it off, put it there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Are you rinsing it, though? What are you using? Soap. Right.

[Tom Segura]

I don't think you need to go that far. Just a little. Little run under the sink. Have all the go down in the sink and then hang it back up. Now it's your turn.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The problem though is that I gotta wipe my Ginny.

[Tom Segura]

That's fine.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do I get my own cloth?

[Tom Segura]

No, no, it's a family cloth. They share it as a family.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I can't use the shit cloth on my vagina.

[Tom Segura]

Sure you can. You can just flip over the cloth.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, I didn't think about that. And then the boys, they get to wipe it.

[Tom Segura]

They wipe. And you know how they're so meticulous with all the things they do. Perfectly used and perfectly clean.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is such a great idea. We got to get into the family club.

[Tom Segura]

I thought you'd like that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Family club.

[Tom Segura]

She's cute.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She's got great heiney.

[Tom Segura]

She's got a great ass, pretty face.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I could do these videos so. Well, I'm gonna get into this.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

50 year old mom farts.

[Tom Segura]

A lot of farts. Like she's doing makeup, you see, she's got her eyeliner brush in her left hand there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, I could do this. Every time I worry if you're gonna drop dead and I have to support the kids, I remember, I can do these farts.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I know. Any. Any's turned on right now. Do this, man. She's got it. She's got a. Is what she's got to do. She's ready to.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She's got to do this because guys, guys get hard, they pay for it.

[Tom Segura]

She's better than this, man. She could do other things.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, she doesn't want to. The other things are nasty. This is easy. This is money on the table.

[Tom Segura]

It is the easy of all the kinks you can get into. Farting is like, some people are like, I fart whatever 20 times a day. They're like, yeah, just roll it. Roll camera.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Roll camera.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You don't hear her breathing? Breathing heavy, like, oh, got to get another.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's just the theatrical.

[Tom Segura]

She doesn't feel like migraines and she doesn't feel like. She's like, really, you know, exposing herself. She's like, no.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. I don't even see your face. Could be anybody.

[Tom Segura]

Her tits are put away.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is what I'm saying.

[Tom Segura]

Her clothes is on.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Her clothes is on. Her clothes are on.

[Tom Segura]

Her clothes Are on. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What's everybody. Yeah, I think that I could do this licky split.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I think I got a new painting coming. I finished one. I would be honest. I did finish my next one, but I'm not sure it's good enough. All right, well, listen, I've got art, some artistic stuff. I don't know. I'm not. I'm very feeling insecure.

[Tom Segura]

Read, I need a rogue.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Read, I need a rogue.

[Tom Segura]

I need a rogue.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

God. You have to start creating a rogue pocket in your pants and stuff your socks.

[Tom Segura]

Not a bad idea.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, it's not a bad idea.

[Tom Segura]

Don't forget, by the way, his name's Breed. He likes Breed. Yeah, I didn't know Breed.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Breed. Why? Breed.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, nice. That's good. Yeah. Do you like to go by Breed? No, that's just what any calls. Oh, yeah, yeah. Black guys love cool nicknames. I know. He's lying. Breed. MC Breed.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

T. So silly. Reed. Can I tell you something about Reed, though? He's pushing back now.

[Tom Segura]

Is he?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, he's getting some sass. He's getting his feathers ruffled.

[Tom Segura]

That's what you want, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's pushing back now. He came in a little more docile, and now he's like, you, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, well, he's gotten.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's getting good.

[Tom Segura]

He's getting. Yeah, he's comfortable.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, he's getting strong.

[Tom Segura]

I like it. I like it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I like it, too.

[Tom Segura]

I like it. Okay, honestly. Honestly, this entire episode, I have just been holding on to get to this, and that is. I'm scared that our buddy Tony Johns, if you have not been following this on Instagram, because we've been traveling, touring, and I've been watching. Every day, I see something of Tony, John and I. At first I was like, oh, this one thing just happened to him. It has been. If there was a reality show on this right now, it's the most dramatic two weeks that could possibly happen in somebody's life. So let me just recap what has happened in two to three weeks since this guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Can we set it up? What part of the world is he?

[Tom Segura]

This is in Auburn, New York. Upstate New York. And, you know, the only thing we knew. We knew, we knew when he came on just to, like, kind of set all this up.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

We knew he had been working at Lowe's and that that was, like, a stable thing for him. And then he'd gotten let go. And you're like, well, you know, that does happen, right? People have jobs, they lose their job. It's Just a reality of life. And you're like, okay, you lost your job. He's like, well, now I got a job at Walmart. And you're like, yeah, cool. You were at Lowe's. Now you're at Walmart. You're stocking shelves, you're doing your thing, you're making a living. You know, hopefully you can do that for a while. In the three week, three weeks since he. We last kind of spoke to him, he lost his job at Walmart. He's being evicted. He started an only fans charging $20 a month. He has about 10 fans right now. He was kicked out of a library, the public library, because he was filming inappropriate content with panties in his mouth. He got kicked out of Cayuga Community College library because he was asking for money. He got kicked out of Planet Fitness, which was his favorite judge Free zone where he would go every day. He was at Planet Fitness. He got kicked out because he was recording in the bathroom and they reported him for that. He got in trouble at the tanning salon for leaving a mess and hitting on staff. And by mess, assuming there's some fluid, he's seeking a new job. He's taking legal action against the landlord with an attorney for being kicked out of his apartment for being a prostitute or something there. He believes this is all about jealousy. People don't like him. Social discrimination. So here's just like, let's see, like kind of a few of these put together. Okay?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, dear.

[Tony Johns]

How's it going, everybody? So there was a little situation here at Walmart. A co worker has now threatened me with my life. A co worker has now told me that he is going to snap my neck. I am very, very scared right now. I don't know what's going on. I don't know what's gonna happen. But a co worker has now threatened me with my life, saying that he is going to snap my neck. Very, very nervous. Very, very scared for my safety. I don't know. It's very, very scary. And this is a big boy. This is a big man down here making threats towards me.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Tony Johns]

Crazy, crazy man.

[Tom Segura]

So one of the things about Tony John's. I like Tony John's a light a lot. I really like, of course. But one of the patterns that you see in, in all these is he's like, here's some happening to me. I don't know where it happened from. And it's like, you know, did a co worker just be like, I'm gonna break your neck for no reason, Right? Because he's like, crazy. Shit's just wild. Insane that this is happening. You're like, well, something happened, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And then not taking responsibility. There's no accountability.

[Tony Johns]

Yeah, I don't know if it's a plumbing issue or. Pipes might be clogged. There's another bathroom down here, sir. Pretty. Pretty wild out here. Hope you didn't put me on fucking film. Oh, no, sir.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Partner.

[Tony Johns]

You want to be on film? I put you on film if you want. No, you can actually. Cool.

[Tom Segura]

You got it.

[Tony Johns]

He doesn't want to be on film, so he won't be on film. Be a wise guy, man. You have a good day, partner. Got a plumber here talking to me, but, yeah, this bad boy is out of commission here. This is a judge free zone here, sir. Got a plumber. All right, boss. I'm a worker.

[Tom Segura]

So that's his other favorite new expression.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Judge freeze.

[Tom Segura]

No worker.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's a worker.

[Tom Segura]

I'm a worker. He says it a million times. A video.

[Tony Johns]

Okay, so me and a co. Me and a couple co workers got into a little. Little scuffle at Walmart. Nighttime stocking crew. My one co worker was making fun of me because of my past. I used to be really poor. So I ended up blowing up and blowing off on him and making fun of him because his wife ended up cheating on him with a pastor. Both these clowns ended up taking off, running to the manager and ended up crying and complaining to the manager, and I was escorted out.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know if that whole story adds up.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tony Johns]

What's going on, Scott? I just got home, dude.

[Tom Segura]

This is Landlord.

[Tony Johns]

I've been looking for a job. Keep going. I just got home. What's your problem? I don't care about you at all. What's your problem, partner? I hate you. Why do you hate me, boss? Because you're a prostitute, okay? I make money, women and you make.

[Tom Segura]

You on only fans.

[Tony Johns]

You're gonna wind up turning into a damn. Oh, and then eventually you'll be a murderer, and then you'd be in prison for the rest of your life. No, sir. And I'm gonna make sure that somebody's watching you for the rest of your life, okay? No, sir. I'm a ladies man. I'm a performer. I'm a performer. I'll be up all night doing solo videos. Yes, sir.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep, yep.

[Tony Johns]

You got a partner. I'll be up all night doing solos, baby. Yes, sir. Have a good night, partner. A bag's a bag, baby. Yeah, you're sick.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah, that's his landlord.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yikes.

[Tom Segura]

That's his landlord. He's a worker.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, have you ever spoken to anybody like that in your life?

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like, especially the landlord.

[Tom Segura]

That's not all of it, dude.

[Tony Johns]

I've done nothing wrong.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Tell them you're a worker.

[Tom Segura]

Membership's been canceled. That Planet Fitness.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tony Johns]

Okay, I'm out here. Have a good night. So they'll be hearing from my lawyer, too. Judge free zone here. Worker. Judge free zone. They'll be here for my lawyer. These guys are wild in here, man. It's a judge free zone. That guy's judging me. That worker's judging me. Seriously. That guy is judging me for my social media because I'm a performer and I'm a worker.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's very tan in this one.

[Tom Segura]

I don't see. And I've just been, like, putting together his obsession with being a worker.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

Because he also walked into multiple car dealerships with wraparound shades, a backwards hat, a chain. He's like, you guys hired. I could sell the. Out of these cars on live. Instagram Live. And they're. You know, the dealerships are like, yeah, why don't you fill out some paperwork? Like, they're like, who's this lunatic? And he's like, I'm a worker. I'm a worker. And, you know, just out here, worker, man. I don't know if he's like, I thought he was using it as the. Like, I'm just somebody who works hard.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But now I think he just uses it as, I'm a sex worker. Like, I think he.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I think so.

[Tom Segura]

I think he heard the term and he adopted it. Like, oh, yeah, that's me. I'm a sex worker. You know?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, he shouldn't really tell people.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he opened his interview, he's like, I got a couple DUIs. And the guy was like, that's cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know? Can I tell you what he's giving me, though? Kind of giving me fed smoker.

[Tom Segura]

That's. That's the thing. Some people think fed smoker has been reincarnated.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, for sure.

[Tom Segura]

And I am not against that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, me either. I'm. I'm. I'm lacking this evolution, you know, we started as a ladies man, just get to D, and now we're getting aggressive. We're starting to get into fed smoker territory.

[Tony Johns]

You're fired, bud.

[Tom Segura]

You sure are.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We're getting there. This is turning. This is turning.

[Tony Johns]

Changing my lock.

[Tom Segura]

They're changing the locks on his apartment.

[Tony Johns]

I don't know. Sorry. Still with the screws. Right down there. Probably Scott working. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Working, working.

[Tony Johns]

You got my sweetheart right there on the left. You there, there. Scott, you got a sweetie. Yes, sir.

[Tom Segura]

100%.

[Tony Johns]

Yep. No, sir. Thank you. Perfect. I'll see you boys in court. Oh, yeah. 100%. I'll see you boys in court. We got workers, Thongs. Let's get. I'll see you boys in court here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep.

[Tony Johns]

That's fine with me, partner. That's totally cool with me. I've been homeless before. I'm not scared. I'm a big boy. I got my big boy pants on. Let's go. Let's go.

[Tom Segura]

So one of the things he's doing is he's saying they're like, are you gonna pay any more rent? He's like, no, I'll see you guys in court. It's like, yeah, that's not a good angle for court. They try to throw me out for not paying rent, and I just like, yeah, I want to sue them.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, like, you know, he doesn't have a case.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know, man. Then he goes to the community college.

[Tony Johns]

I'm on my way to.

[Tom Segura]

This is how he was. He showed up to apply for jobs like this. He walked into a car dealership like, you guys hiring? But he had a hat on. Chains on, too.

[Tony Johns]

You know, the local community college library. Because the other library I can't go to, but this community college I can go to. Your boy is going to school.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Nice wa.

[Tony Johns]

What's going on? What's going on?

[Tom Segura]

This is crazy. This is crazy. Wow.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, he's getting kicked out.

[Tom Segura]

What are you talking about?

[Tony Johns]

That's craziness, man. They're asking me to leave now. This is crazy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like, written in the letter, sir, I.

[Tony Johns]

Have done nothing wrong. Again, I'm an innocent man.

[Tom Segura]

He says this a lot too. He says, this is crazy. I've done nothing wrong, and I'm an innocent man. And then usually I'm a worker right after that. At least in 15 videos that I've seen.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I wish I could see what he's doing that's ramping these folks.

[Tom Segura]

I think we're gonna get to that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, thank God.

[Tony Johns]

I will leave this. I'm gonna. I'm gonna walk out. I'm just wondering why. I've done nothing wrong. This is craziness. I'm gonna leave right now. Yes, man. That's my leader. But, yeah, thank you. This is craziness.

[Tom Segura]

Seriously, this is wild. This is crazy.

[Tony Johns]

Seriously. I'm a very good man. I've done nothing wrong.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Seriously, you could just follow us.

[Tony Johns]

Craziness. Yes, ma'am. I'll call you guys right now. I'm go. They're going to walk me out the building. Yes. Yep.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm walking out right now.

[Tony Johns]

Ladies, man. Crazy.

[Tom Segura]

So this is the second library that's asked him to leave. I know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And he loves the library.

[Tom Segura]

Remember we asked favorite place.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Place.

[Tom Segura]

We were like, you like the library? And you. You told him, what's your favorite book? He goes, I like magazines.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then we said, what's your favorite magazine? He goes, I can't lie. I love My Hustlers.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. We're like, at the library.

[Tom Segura]

At the library. I don't think they carry that well. You can bring them in. You're like, oh, cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Maybe that's why he's getting kicked out.

[Tom Segura]

Here's another. This is, by the way, this isn't taking place over six months, right? This is. This is just literally like 14 days.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Tony. Tony.

[Tony Johns]

Working, baby. Trying to make an honest dollar out here. Working. Doing crazy social media videos. Craziness, man. You know, just trying to, you know, making.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Our phone's ringing.

[Tom Segura]

What else do you hear?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I got it. This is classic Tony, though.

[Tom Segura]

This one came down. We grabbed it before it came down.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is the essence of tj, though.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is the Tony Jones I know and love.

[Tom Segura]

Little porn in the background. Then the tanning salon sent him some text messages that he posted. I don't know if you want to take that one.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Read it. Sorry.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, Anthony. This is a message from Zoom Tan. It has come to our attention that you left your room in an unsanitary condition multiple times and have been inappropriate with the staff. If this happens again, your account will be terminated. You will be permanently banned from Zoom 10. He wrote. What are you talking about? Interesting. Let's look at some camera footage. I will be down later around 7. Our salon does not have access to the cameras. To review, you are more than welcome to email customer service to speak further. Then he. He goes, bet. No worries. Thanks. I will be down at stuff. I had no idea. I love Zoom Tan. I can't get kicked out because I need to look good for my line of work. So please understand, I will focus on myself. I won't hit on any of the front desk ladies anymore. Yes, they are all beautiful, but, yes, I will focus on myself and I'll be a good boy. I'm sorry. It won't happen again. I'm sorry. A little accountability there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Then the. Scott, the landlord's back.

[Tony Johns]

What's going on? Scott, what's going on here, partner? Not now. What's going on, boss? Yo, you're the.

[Tom Segura]

You're the one who.

[Tony Johns]

I just got home. What you doing, boss? I said, what you doing? What? Cleaning your. Okay, why don't you sign a waiver and get a ring with me?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Perfect.

[Tony Johns]

Let's go. Okay, let's go. 100. Let's go, let's go. So. So, so you're so. So this slum lord. Scott will hop in the ring with me, sign a waiver. You'll sign a waiver? I'll sign a waiver. Let's go. Let's go, let's go. You know what?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We.

[Tony Johns]

Let's go. 100. No, no, we need waivers. Waivers. Waivers. 100 we can sign. 100 we can sign. Look at this guy. Look at this crazy man. He's lost his mind. Office meds. Office meds. Total craziness. Don't. No. Hell no. Have a good night, sweetheart. Have a good night. Yes, sweetie. Have a good night. Yes, sir.

[Tom Segura]

Is it Tuesday?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I thought they changed the locks. How is he getting back into the place?

[Tom Segura]

I have curious about that too. This is perhaps my favorite of all these, is when he did YMH live. We were like, would you a guy for a million dollars? And he was like, oh, no, I don't think so. Maybe. Yeah. And then we were like, what about like 500 000? He was like, that's a shitload of money. Yeah, it was still like a lot of money, you know? And then now he's like, everybody, the.

[Tony Johns]

Ladies man here, here me out. I got my swig, got my bag here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What is he drinking?

[Tom Segura]

Usually fanta Only fans money right here.

[Tony Johns]

So hear me out. And I know this may sound totally wild, totally out of this world, but hear me out. Me being a poor boy growing up and this may sound wild to a lot of people, but me personally, dude, I'm loving this Only fans money, okay? I would do some crazy stuff. Gay for pain.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Nah, we knew partners, so let's be straight.

[Tony Johns]

A hoe is a hole. But see, there's always a price tag on something, you know?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Tony Johns]

Ladies man here, I'm just letting everybody know, hey, man, money talks.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

See, you know what he figured out? Let's go with only fans is that the only people paying for sexual content on only fans is dudes.

[Tom Segura]

It's men.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Women are not paying for.

[Tom Segura]

Well, the other thing, you realize if you are doing that kind of stuff. I'm a worker, You're a worker, You're a worker. You're just working, bro.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do you think he has a bank account, though?

[Tony Johns]

I'm a ladies man. I'm a performer.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, there's no way he's paid yet. How are.

[Tom Segura]

He has a very, very bad relationship with money, right? It's extremely bad.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I can tell. I mean, look at. Look, the. He's got money for the tanning salon, for the fitness.

[Tom Segura]

His perspective is, if I have money, immediately spend it, because it's just money. And more money will come in later. And you're like, what are you talking about? He spent his money that we gave him in a day. Like, he had a trouble getting that check cashed. Like, he couldn't get it cashed. And then he got it cashed and he was like, now I'm gonna spend it all.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's what I mean. Like, it's insane.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I wish he would just stay at a Walmart. Like, he needs that structure. He needs a paycheck.

[Tom Segura]

Let's find out what's going on. Can we call Tony? All right, let's call Tony.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

All right. Can I catch first? I got it.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, she wants to pee first.

[Tony Johns]

Can I get a beer?

[Tom Segura]

Tony? Yo. Oh, yo, yo, yo, yo, bro. How's it going, man?

[Tony Johns]

Yo, dog. Is this Tom?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's Tom and Christina, man. Tony.

[Tony Johns]

Yo, yo. No, no, no, you guys. Yo, like, I'm like, spazzing out right now because. Yo, dude, check me out. No, no. Ever since I got back from Texas. No, hear me out.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Tony Johns]

My life was legit changed 100 because of you crazy guys. And I love you guys, man. Yo, Tom.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, man.

[Tony Johns]

If I ever get back down to Texas, partner, I. I want to suck your. Your big toe. Is that okay?

[Tom Segura]

That's an awesome offer, man. Thanks.

[Tony Johns]

Yes, sir. Dog. Dude, dude, you cannot do it. Everywhere I go out here in New York, all through upstate, everywhere, dog. Like, dude, cute girls are checking me out, dog. It's just.

[Tom Segura]

Tony, I gotta ask.

[Tony Johns]

I gotta come true.

[Tom Segura]

I gotta ask you something, man. I have been following, like, really in detail everything going on on Instagram for the last few weeks. It's been a wild, wild few weeks for you. And so.

[Tony Johns]

Yes, sir.

[Tom Segura]

I want to ask something. So initially I was perplexed that, you know, the. The public library tossed you out that day, right? Crazy is crazy. And you were like, this is wild. This is crazy. But they had to have had some re. Like, what was the reason that they kicked you out of the library?

[Tony Johns]

Yes, sir. So. So, Tom, check me out, dude. It's a wild story. Okay, A girl, you know, she was a co worker at Lowe's, and I know it's not right, brother, but, you know, beautiful girl. She, you know, we had some fun on, on Christmas and that was the last time I ever saw her.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Tony Johns]

I was taking some explicit photos, sir, and I posted them on, on Instagram and it was, uh, I think. Yeah, it was, uh, I don't know, dude. It was some explicit photos. And yeah, dude, it's just craziness, brother.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wait, what were the photos?

[Tom Segura]

But you, Tony, you posted photos of you or of her?

[Tony Johns]

No, no, of me. Of me. 100 of me. I, I had, you know, her, her song in my mouth.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you had, oh, you had her thong in your mouth.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That makes sense.

[Tom Segura]

And then why did you choose to take those photos at the library? It's a cool setting, but why?

[Tony Johns]

I don't know. It's kind of wild, to be honest.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's kind of wild. I mean, you're a worker.

[Tony Johns]

Oh, 100. Yes. Yes, sir. Dude, to be honest with you, dude, I, I, I, I don't know, man. Like, I was just in the moment.

[Tom Segura]

In the moment. And so what, somebody then saw you taking a photo with a thong in your mouth at the public library and then they go, hey, get out of here.

[Tony Johns]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, because, dude, I, Dude, I tagged the only fans, dog, because I've been, I've been trying to promote my only fans lately.

[Tom Segura]

Let's promote it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Johns]

Yes, sir. But yeah, dude, to be honest, it was really, really weird photo, but, you know, I was just trying to make promotions on my only fans.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What can people see? On your only fans?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. What are they seeing? Let's talk about only.

[Tony Johns]

Oh, I'm loving the only fans. You guys do it. Like, I'm getting, I'm getting my bills paid because, you know, because of adult content.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, so hold on here. Make that bigger for me, guys, a little bit. So for people who want to, to follow Tony's only fans, it's at Tony Michael John's 96. Yes, ma'am.

[Tony Johns]

Worker. We got people yelling out here on the dry driving. Tom. People yelling, Worker.

[Tom Segura]

Worker.

[Tony Johns]

100, Tom. I made it 100 because of you guys.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I'm so happy for you.

[Tony Johns]

We had some. Yo, yo, Tom. Some, some crazy ladies yelling out the window. Worker. Did you hear that? Yeah, yeah, dude, that's craziness. Yo, this is what I'm saying, dude. Like, dog, I, dude, this is crazy. It's all just craziness. And I'M loving every minute of it, brother.

[Tom Segura]

So can people see explicit content on your only fans?

[Tony Johns]

Oh, 100. It's all 18 plus. Yes, sir.

[Tom Segura]

And is there?

[Tony Johns]

Yes, sir. 100. Dropping explicit. They're dropping low kicks.

[Tom Segura]

Yep. Shots. Cool. Are you. Have you done any? Oh, so we'll get to this in a second. First of all, very excited for your only fans, ladies. Gentlemen, sign up and subscribe. You can see some awesome adult content on Tony's only fans. What happened at Planet Fitness? I thought they were a judge Free zone. Why did they kick you out?

[Tony Johns]

Oh, yeah, so I. I didn't read through the contract. The. The whole contract when I signed the thing. That is another crazy story out here, Tom. Geez, partner. So, dude, I didn't read through the whole paperwork, and. And there's no. There's no allowed, like, photos taken. So I was taking a few, you know, a few shirts, you know, a few photos of my tank top and, you know, on the massage chair, you know, trying to relax, you know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Tony Johns]

And, you know, there was a. Also, I was in closed doors, to be honest, Tom. I. I took a little only fans, uh, video in the, uh, one of the red light therapy rooms there. And I don't know. So they. They took it offensive and they said, hey, get out. Yeah, we don't want your business no more. I said, no.

[Tom Segura]

Kind of like. Like, I thought you were a judge Free zone kind of thing, though.

[Tony Johns]

I was all confused, dude. I even did a live. Tom. I was like. I went in there because I was all shocked. I was like, whoa, what's going on here, guys? You know, like, judge free zone, you know what I'm saying? Like, why am I getting judged for doing, you know, you know, making films in the. In the. In the tanning rooms, you know, But.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Tony, do you have somewhere private you can make these films that. That you just. Somewhere private.

[Tony Johns]

See, that's another thing, too. See, my. See my landlord. Oh, Scott. Yeah. Oh, him and James Chapel. These guys are nuts. 100% total salon. Can I swear right now, Tom?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, for sure. 100 dog.

[Tony Johns]

Holy. So, yeah, these guys hate me because I'm doing some adult content up in my room.

[Tom Segura]

So where's. Where do you stand with them? Are you not paying rent?

[Tony Johns]

Oh, no, no. Hell no, I'm not. So. No, no, I'm not a walking atm, Tom. Like, yo, hear me out. Yeah, so I. I paid rent. I paid rent.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Tony Johns]

The whole time I've lived there, and both of these. Both of these crazy slumlords spazzed out on me a few weeks ago. Totally spazzed out. I got it all on film. It's all on Instagram. Check it out. It's. These guys are scumbags, so. Yo, Tom.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, still here, dude.

[Tony Johns]

And I've been all spooked up, all shaken up and lately, and they just spaz.

[Tom Segura]

Where does it stand? Where does it.

[Tony Johns]

We don't, we don't, we don't promote only fans here. I said, hey, you. Yeah, you know that I, I, I love, no, hear me out. I love doing, I love doing adult content. You know, I love show the ladies.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Tony Johns]

You know, I'm a worker performer. 100.

[Tom Segura]

So where does it stand with them? Are you. Because I saw you, you put a look like a, a petition, a court. A court, you know, filing online. Are you, are you take, Are you guys going to be going to court, the two of you?

[Tony Johns]

Oh, yeah. 100 I got a jailhouse lawyer. Oh, yeah. 100 Tom. And you know, I'm, I'm squatting right now. I'll be honest with you, man. Yeah, I try to be as honest as I can. Yo, Tom, can I tell you another crazy story, bro?

[Tom Segura]

Please, dude.

[Tony Johns]

So when I got back from Texas, dog, everything's just been so wild and crazy because it's a small town, you know, there's like 28, 000 people in Auburn, maybe 30. I think it's like, craziest thing ever, dude. I was hopping on the bus, dude, Because I usually take the bus or I usually go for walks. Yeah, and the girl, you know, there was a my, you know that blonde girl I was telling you about several months ago, dude. A co worker at Lowe's.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, sure.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, dog.

[Tony Johns]

Dude, I love that girl so much, Tom. To a point where, dude, I would have done anything for this chick. And, dog, dude, I saw her on the bus, man. And dude, I haven't seen this chick since, since Christmas, dog. That was my Christmas present. I, I got, you know, I got lucky. But anyways, dude, I haven't seen this chick since Christmas, dog. And she was on the bus. You wouldn't believe what happened, partner. I hop on the bus, I'm like, oh, well, there she is, dude. She threatened to spray my ass on the bus. Oh, yes, sir. I couldn't believe it. I said, whoa, what's going on, babe? She said, oh, no, I ain't your bag, partner. Oh, it was nuts, dog. She threatened to spray me. Took out the can of mace and everything, dog.

[Tom Segura]

Wow. What the, man?

[Tony Johns]

Dude, I'm like, what the fuck's going on. Like, I really liked her, dude. I'm like, what the.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Tony, sweetie, do you. Do you have a bank account that you can link the only fans to? Are you getting paid?

[Tony Johns]

Yes, ma'am, I do. On the. Yes, ma'am.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay, so you're getting your money from only fans. That's good. That's good doing that. And then can you find a new place to live?

[Tony Johns]

Yeah, I just. I'm on a. Looking on a Craigslist and in other places right now, but right now, I. I don't know. It's up in the air. It may be a week and maybe a month. I. I don't know. I'm just kind of. Let me ask you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, let me ask you this. I noticed that you posted screenshots from Zoom Tan, and they had said in the. In the screenshots that you had left the tanning room you were in in an unsanitary condition. What are they exactly? What did you do in there?

[Tony Johns]

So I. I like my lotion, Tom.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Tony Johns]

And I mean, it. It might have looked bad for the. For the. For the workers, the lady worker's perspective, but I. I don't know, dude. I was in a rush, Tom, to catch the bus to go back home, and. I don't know, dude. There was quite a bit of lotion all over my body, man. And. Yeah, you know, so I did make a mistake there. I did kind of trash the room before I left.

[Tom Segura]

That's not good now.

[Tony Johns]

And I, you know, are you on.

[Tom Segura]

Good terms with them now? Did you go down there and work it out?

[Tony Johns]

Yes, yes. So what I did is I actually went down there and I actually did apologize, Tom.

[Tom Segura]

Good, good.

[Tony Johns]

I'm a sincere dude. I said, hey, I made a mistake. Yes, ma'am. You know, it was. It was one of the lady workers. I'm very respectful towards women. I said, hey, you know, I made a mistake. Yeah, you know, and I asked him nicely, can I get my membership back? They said no. But we, you know, we appreciate, you know, we appreciate your honesty, you know, just saying sorry. So that's what I did.

[Tom Segura]

I also noticed because you. It was very compelling to watch, that you went to a few car dealerships to try to get hired to sell cars. Did any of them kind of make an offer?

[Tony Johns]

No, no, no. I wish, man. I. I don't have a license yet, Tom, so I, ah, man, I would love to get back in. In the selling car industry because I am a really good salesman. I think I will.

[Tom Segura]

I believe it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, you would be A really good car salesman. You love people. You love talking to people.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's a great gift.

[Tony Johns]

New customers.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tony Johns]

Yes. Oh, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tony Johns]

How you been, Christina?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm good, sweetie. I, I'm. I'm just glad to hear how happy you are. And I, I like that.

[Tony Johns]

I'm loving all this. Good.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I like that only fans is working out for you. And you, you mentioned on your stories that maybe you would consider doing some videos for. For the guys, because I, I think guys actually pay quite a lot more than women.

[Tom Segura]

Yes, ma'am.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So tell me about that. What's that?

[Tony Johns]

Hey, you know, if. If there, if there's a big performer out there that's willing to. To, you know, you know, put me out, you know, I'd love to, you know, like straight up, like blow. Blow my back out, you know, I mean, if the money's good. Hey, I'm gay for pay. A hole's a hole, partner.

[Tom Segura]

That's. That's awesome. I think what you should do, but.

[Tony Johns]

It'S right, you know, I need some cash and the holes. A hole.

[Tom Segura]

That's right. I think what you should do because, you know, we've been in touch with Alexis and we're working on getting this scene going with her as your debut. You're still down to do that, right?

[Tony Johns]

100. I'm ready. Let's go.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, so that's gonna happen pretty soon. I think what you should do is debut with Alexis and then maybe have your next scene be with a male star. And we actually know one. We know one.

[Tony Johns]

Oh, nice. Yeah. No, for real time, like, let's go. Let's do this.

[Tom Segura]

I think we should reach out to him.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I think so. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Because that would be a great back.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

To back debut because I think this is actually your lane. I think you may have found your talent to Tony.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Tony Johns]

Yes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, no, let's keep going. Keep going.

[Tony Johns]

Yes, ma'am.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But try to find somewhere more private maybe. I don't want you to end up in jail. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Don't get kicked out of another place. Film, film, film. In. In your place for now or a place that allows that kind of thing. But like, okay, libraries and stores and stuff, it's just like, it's just asking for craziness. Yeah. I don't want you to get in trouble.

[Tony Johns]

Yes, sir.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Tony Johns]

Thanks, Tom. No, I really appreciate you guys always looking out for me, trying.

[Tom Segura]

So let's. Yeah, let's keep the guys are going to reach out to you because I think we're going to have a schedule for you to go see Alexis here pretty soon. And hopefully after that, you know, we'll do our next.

[Tony Johns]

Are you serious?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's.

[Tony Johns]

Dude, man.

[Tom Segura]

Yo, dude. Yeah, and we'll fly you out there. We're going to fly you out to Vegas.

[Tony Johns]

I love you guys, bro.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So hopefully, I think he's going to stay in Vegas.

[Tom Segura]

Vegas might be the. Where you love to live.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I think he might like Vegas a lot.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I think maybe you should pack all your.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I think you should, dude.

[Tony Johns]

Perfect. Yeah, it. Let's go. Yeah, I'll grab a couple's suitcases and let's go.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I think you should.

[Tony Johns]

Yes, ma'am.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's something. I think it's time to leave fired up, man.

[Tony Johns]

Like, straight up, Tom. Like, this is amazing, Christina. Like, life changing what you guys have done for me.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Listen, it's time to leave Auburn. I think you're right. It's time to change and. And level up. You're ready?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tony Johns]

I'm a worker.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You're a worker now, dude.

[Tony Johns]

Yes, ma'am.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And guess what? Vegas is a very judgment free zone.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It's like the city of Vegas is like a planet fitness, you know?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Tony Johns]

Oh, that's amazing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, you got to go that. That's where you got to be.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Guys, can Zolo and that. Can you guys get him a schedule soon here so we can kind of lay this out? Okay, cool. All right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Tony.

[Tom Segura]

Tony, thanks for the follow up. Stay out of trouble. Don't get arrested.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Don't get arrested.

[Tom Segura]

And, you know, just. No, I won't keep the.

[Tony Johns]

I will stay out of trouble and I will not get arrested. I thank you for everything, you guys. Tom, Christina, like, this really has been lifechanging. Cougar, Josh. I love you all, man. I'll suck all your toes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There you go. There you go. That's a spirit.

[Tom Segura]

Don't forget any. He's big on that. No, no, no, no. I'm good. He don't know me.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

All right.

[Tom Segura]

Tony, we'll talk to you soon, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Take care.

[Tony Johns]

Thanks, you guys.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay, sweetie. Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I tell you, if we aren't making.

[Tom Segura]

Dreams come true, it's just unreal. You guys ready to get your toes sucked?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's a new thing.

[Tom Segura]

I haven't heard that before. Him money. He's just like, I need to suck your toes now.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. What a great lane for him. I think sucking on dudes toes, like, that's easy money.

[Tom Segura]

So much. Many people willing to pay for that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Of course, there Is.

[Tom Segura]

And I think he's, you know, here's the thing. He's kind of like a savant, secret, smart businessman. He doesn't realize that he is, I think, finding his lane, which is in gay performing. Of course, that is where the money is for a male.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Of course for a male performer, that's where the money is. And I think sending him to Vegas is going to change his life.

[Tom Segura]

Now, we saw a couple quick screenshots and we don't have to see them again, but Cougar, did you have a chance to review Tony's only fans? Yes, I did. Could you. Could you give us a review? Well, if you're into solo work, if you're into oiled up cocks that are slightly askew and are the perfect size for a performer, Tony's page is the page for you. What's. What's your review of his dong? Is it like a nice sized dong? Yeah, I'd say so. Yeah, definitely. And he goes to completion. Yes, he does. Yeah. Because he's a worker. How's that load? Good size? Perfect. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I wish Robert Paul Champagne were into skinny white guys.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wouldn't that be the perfect matching.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Right? I see the look in your eyes. Like, that would have been the best. Do you think Robert would go for a Tony? John's. He's. It's fresh meat. I know the look in your eyes. I saw it.

[Tom Segura]

I know. You just planted a seed.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Best idea ever, right?

[Tom Segura]

Maybe we can get him to do a cameo in the scene.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Why not? I'm very busy right now. Okay. A lot of things going on. You know how hard he has to nail down, though. He's so busy. He's got his Coney island karaoke thing and he's doing Lucifer's lair. He's always busy.

[Tom Segura]

What if? Yeah, what if? Yeah, bro, I feel like I'm sitting here like, as Walt Disney in the 1930s, being like, what if we built a place where people could just lose themselves.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

And have fun all day.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, essentially, he's doing what Robert Paul Champagne does too. Like. Yeah, but Robert doesn't do only fans.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Maybe he should.

[Tom Segura]

What if Robert makes a cameo in the scene?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I think so. Dude.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Can we get on this? Can we reach out? Maybe RPC will.

[Tom Segura]

He's a. He's always advertised himself as a adult actor.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Of course.

[Tom Segura]

This is insane.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is insane.

[Tony Johns]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That was a lot, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That was a lot. I really do think that once Tony gets to Vegas he's going to see that that's where he's meant to be. Don't you feel like that?

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Arbor, New York is not the right place.

[Tom Segura]

He's got to get out of there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's too small of a community. He's menacing the community. He needs to go to Vegas where there's a lot of weird shit where.

[Tom Segura]

He'S just like another guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He just fades into the background.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Because this idea for the scene.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

The Lexus being Officer Alexis and maybe Officer Cum dum, which is RPC's.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Alter ego.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean this is a whole new. A whole new lane we're doing here.

[Tom Segura]

I think they're gonna sell a lot of those scenes, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Of course.

[Tom Segura]

But man, his life has been insane.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean the kind of. The irony with Tony John's is that this whole I'm a ladies man thing and this and that. Like he kind of does have the dong for porn.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, God gave for porn. A talent.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like go with it, kid.

[Tom Segura]

Do it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Sometimes you're just given one thing.

[Tom Segura]

Can't wait.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He is the Dirk Diggler. Like.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. When Dan Soder.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Dan Soder was like. He's like Dirk Diggler. I think he might be.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You don't get it all in this life.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You don't get it all, but when you get it, boy, he got one thing.

[Tom Segura]

You got to use what you got.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. There he is. Dude.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, Tony. I mean he kind of.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Tony Diggler.

[Tom Segura]

Dirk Diggler.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He is.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wild dude.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, just real quick before. Let's just. We kind of got it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm like blown away. Are you blown away?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. This whole thing is just. It's unbelievable. This story is one of the. It's the greatest storyline of all time.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It is the greatest. I can't believe we're in Tony John's life now.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's amazing.

[Tom Segura]

Here you go.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Doing donuts. Oh, do you see it?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Slow mo.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

The guy drifting hits a cone. Watch the cone. The cone just knocks that guy out.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's bad.

[Tom Segura]

Here's full speed.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's bad luck.

[Tom Segura]

That cone hits him so hard so fast.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's such bad luck.

[Tom Segura]

I don't think that was funny, guys.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm just trying to watch some guy.

[Tom Segura]

Do some push ups.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So that one guy. That was just stupid. That was stupid.

[Tom Segura]

Dudes. Dudes will do anything to impress even.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That was dumb.

[Tom Segura]

Push ups over cinder blocks on a bottle with plastic plates.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, plastic plates or whatever. You guys really put some cool music to it.

[Tom Segura]

That Was really cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That was terrible. You got it.

[Tom Segura]

Oh.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Cougar liked it.

[Tom Segura]

That guy's.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, of course. I don't like that.

[Tom Segura]

That was accurate.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, thanks. Dude. Some of the handlebars that. Oh, I don't like that at all, dude.

[Tom Segura]

You got it. You don't. Oh, man. Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's terrible.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I'm just.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You got excited about RPC and Tony Johnson. Yeah, I saw. I saw the creative wheels turning when I said it. You. Your eyes lit up in a way.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I mean, I'm just thinking of the possibilities.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I know.

[Tom Segura]

It's 15 years of work.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

I think this is, like. This is how you retire this show.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Right. There's nothing else we can do now. The only other thing I would say is Norm Summerton. Tick cups. He's.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There's two. There's two cool guys that got away.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

King Ass Ripper.

[Tom Segura]

King Ass Ripper.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Never wanted to do the show. We reached out to him for years and years and years.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And Norm Summerton. Those are the only two cool guys that got away on this from the show.

[Tony Johns]

I need to be a lot.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Rpc.

[Tom Segura]

Now, here's the thing. Tony Johns said he would get his back blown out, meaning he would be on the receiving end. RPC likes to be on the receiving end. I wonder if we could get Tony to make sweet love to rpc.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Whoa.

[Tony Johns]

Check it out.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, I don't know, dude.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't think that Tony's his type. That's the only problem.

[Tom Segura]

Well, yeah, well, it's. It's pay. He's like, I'll do things for money.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I think the two of them would J.

[Tom Segura]

Their Ds to each other together. Look at each other, because they love.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

To do that on camera.

[Tom Segura]

Anyway. Yeah.

[Tony Johns]

It's a deal, man.

[Tom Segura]

Well, here's the deal. We need to get through this Alexis shoot first. I think we're getting a little too far ahead of ourselves.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I know. It's just exciting when inspiration strikes.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

God dang, dude.

[Tom Segura]

This is the last thing we'll do.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

I have not been able to finish this video because it makes me so uncomfortable. So, like, I've. You understand that, like, a few times I've been alone just with my phone.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Tried to watch this and turned it off.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

So I'm making myself finish it with you guys today. This is a lady giving a speech at her friend's wedding.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay. And if you don't like it, I'm not gonna like it either. Like, if you can't watch it, there's no way I can watch it.

[Tom Segura]

It's just so. It feels so. It's like your inner.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Is it too emotional?

[Tom Segura]

And it's just embarrassing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Hate emotional Shit. Hi, I'm Shannon. I've known Tracy for.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, God, I think so just to stop this for a second, if you're listening, the. She's at a wedding of her friend Shannon. Shannon, just for reference, is white and she's marrying a black guy. So they're. They're showing their image just so you know the context of this. And then the lady giving the speech is also white. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So I don't quite know. Anthony.

[Tom Segura]

Anthony.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, but Tracy talked about you, like, nonstop. Seriously. And she'd be like, I mean, you need that. I'm like, I don't care.

[Tom Segura]

No, just kidding, just kidding, just kidding.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You guys are so cute together. I swear to God, you guys, I hope the line is seriously, like, till death goes party. Like, seriously, you better take care of my girl. Cuz if you don't, I know where you live. I hate when people do that. They do that every wedding.

[Tom Segura]

So so far you're just like. It's just a basic speech.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, just kidding. But, yeah, you guys are so cute. Like, you're part of the family. I swear to God, like, I'm not gonna be racist, you guys. I'm just saying. Okay, I'm gonna be racist.

[Tony Johns]

Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, just kidding, just kidding, just kidding. Of course you guys are gonna get the, like, animation coats. Oh, my God. No, seriously, you guys are out stepping stair tight.

[Tony Johns]

I love it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But you guys, I swear, I love black people because you guys are the. She didn't have to say it. She could have just sought it and, like, not said it.

[Tom Segura]

I'm not gonna say it. You're black and it's cool. I know. I'm just kidding. It's. You guys are like, I'm not gonna be racist, but, like, it's fine that you're.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, I. Every time this thing starts, I'd like, oh, my God, I can't finish.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, it's terrible. Yeah. She didn't have to talk. Yeah, you don't have to talk.

[Tom Segura]

She's clearly nervous. She doesn't know what to say. And she's like, God, I can't not address the fact he's black.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Yeah, but you can. It's 20. Of course. No one cares. This isn't 1960.

[Tom Segura]

It's so weird. It's so weird.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But where the do these people live that it's a big deal.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. Well, I love that you hear the commentary of the person filming who's like, oh, my God, what? Like, she's pointing it out.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, it's horrible. Yeah, it's horrible. Remember that one wedding you and I went to where the dad gave kind of a backhanded speech?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's like, we didn't think much of him when we met him.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We were like.

[Tom Segura]

Like, that was so weird.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. So this is.

[Tom Segura]

And that guy was South Pacific, right? Like, he was like, Samoan or something.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And yeah, the guy was like, I met him. And I was like, I don't. The. This guy looks different.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, totally. We were like, what the.

[Tom Segura]

What are you doing, man?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I just don't think. I don't even know why people have to give speeches at weddings, Honestly. What the do you need to say?

[Tom Segura]

I hate giving speeches.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I hate giving speeches at things like this. It may be the father of the bride or the parents say something, but, like, your dumb, dumb friend has to get up drunk. And not only that, you know how, like, they're not used to giving speeches, so they're very banal and boring and basic bitchy, like.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, my God. When Stacy and I met in college, I was like, stacy, you're such a. We're never gonna get married. Like, they're always the same formula because they're just take care of my girl.

[Tom Segura]

Equipment to do it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's not interesting. I mean, and you can see that there's black people in the room.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's like, what are you doing?

[Tom Segura]

I'm not gonna. I'm not gonna be racist. Like, well, thanks. We didn't think you were.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Then don't come.

[Tom Segura]

Supposed to. She's like, I know this is a great opportunity to be racist, but I'm not going to for the sake of the setting.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know. And if she didn't approve of the groom, then why are you. Don't go to the wedding. Don't be a part of the wedding party or whatever.

[Tom Segura]

It's insane. It's a totally insane thing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You guys are the best. Like, my own daughter's great aunt is, like, the best one.

[Tom Segura]

And you guys are amazing to the black people. You guys are amazing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You guys. Bless you.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, so that is her speech.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She doesn't know black people.

[Tom Segura]

Are the Comments Cool? Because there's 9, 000 of them. I physically can't watch. Yeah, see, I felt embarrassment. Embarrassment just watching. I'm Height. Hiding in the comments. Yeah. This is how I felt. I just got so goddamn uncomfortable. Yeah, the clapping to let her know you're finished.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

The mic would have been gone. Yeah. Imagine. Imagine having to live with the memory of doing. Yeah. The whole thing is just.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And not everybody has to talk.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. The second hand embarrassment is just.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's pretty gnarly, dude.

[Tom Segura]

It's gnarly. It's gnarly.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But what's really gnarly is that this could have just been a memory without a video.

[Tom Segura]

Also, is that. I mean, I'm not an expert on this. Is that a good wedding?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, I was just gonna say that she's dressed like a. For a wedding to me. Can I tell you what this subconsciously tells me is that she doesn't. She doesn't want to be a part of it. She doesn't like the guy.

[Tom Segura]

That's the subconscious thing. Right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Because she's not. She's dressed kind of slutty.

[Tom Segura]

It means also every time she's talked about Shannon to somebody else, she'd be like, you know this. She's with a black eye, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And she's like, you know how crazy that is, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then the other person goes like.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It'S not a big deal.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. And then she's like, I mean, no, I don't have a problem with it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I don't have a problem.

[Tom Segura]

I'm just saying. I'm just saying, like, do you know he's black? And they're like, yeah, I didn't know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, her dress.

[Tom Segura]

She's going to marry him.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So short. Like she's going to marry. It's too low cut and it's too short. It's like she wants.

[Tom Segura]

She looks like she's going out, like for a night out.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She wants the attention. Yeah, she's. She's all over the map. This chick's messed up.

[Tom Segura]

Here's something I've been holding on to for a while. I guess I'm just going to let it out here at the wedding. It is crazy that Anthony is black. And no, I'm not gonna be racist. I'm just saying it is fucking. It's kind of crazy. Okay, well, you guys are awesome couple. It's like, what the fuck?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But then it's. I like black people.

[Tom Segura]

My, you guys are amazing. I love your videos. I love your songs. I love Dave Chappelle. Anyway, so Obama was cool. Guys have a great life together. I'm sure I'll see you guys down the road. I love the way you guys dance. It's amazing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

My great. My nephew's great aunt is black.

[Tom Segura]

She's nice. You guys always have so much flair, your style. Like, look at her hair. I wish I could do that with my hair.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Anyway, it's making me uncomfortable already.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's the. It's so. Yeah, it was like she couldn't hold on to her inner. Like her repressed inner thoughts had to come out or.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay. Or if you're gonna do it, just make one funny joke and be done. One comment. But not even like actually has to be genuinely funny, which is kind of hard to do in today's day and age. Like we've all heard.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The interracial couple jokes. I'm trying. You know what I mean? What are you gonna say?

[Tom Segura]

Well, here's the thing. She'll have to live with this for the rest of her life.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She's fucked.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. This winter Stacey's fucked. All right. I think that's. I'm just so emotional still about the Tony John's of it all.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know you are, babe.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, hey, buy my lipstick. Guys. Christinap.com you can get the perfect for all four of my new shades. Christinap.com check it out. Get them all. They're fantastic. I'm wearing the perfect red right now today.

[Tom Segura]

And let me tell you this, let.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Me tell you this. Can you kick cat talk to you.

[Tom Segura]

We released some new dates so they are on sale pre sales today. If you're, if you're watching the show, if you're listening, code word is Tommy. The on sale is Friday the 4th. We are hitting Greenville, Evans, Windsor, Dayton, Akron, Daytona Beach, West Palm Beach, Clearwater, Fort Myers, Allentown, Poughkeepsie, Mashantucket, Newark, Brooklyn, Westbury, Hanover, Gary, West Lafayette, Fort Wayne, Bloomington, Amarillo, Lubbock, El Paso, Tucson, Colorado Springs, Green Bay, Pasadena, Las Vegas, Long Beach, Friant, Tacoma, Oakland, Huntsville, Birmingham, Columbia. And there is one or two more secret huge ones coming up that we will announce soon. All the Tickets [e-mail] tour and I always try to tell people do not go to third party sites. For any artist you want to see live, go to their website. Do not pay the scalpers, just buy it for the reasonable price on the artists site. Okay, that's it. Thank you guys for watching. Thank you for listening. I cannot wait to see how this unfolds. And we will see you guys next week.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

My jeans.

[Tom Segura]

My jeans. Fart Simpson and Grass Kingdom.

[Tony Johns]

I'm gonna be having girls the whole weekend. They're gonna be squirting.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They're gonna be squirting, squiring, squirt.

[Tony Johns]

These scary hoes are just away. Come on. You know what, baby? You don't deserve this young bug. You don't deserve this, baby. I want you to show me a good motherfucking time, Tony. You know what I'm saying?

[Tom Segura]

My eyebrows are bleeding.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

My teeth are white, Baby.

[Tony Johns]

Every bird, baby. My God. Sadio.