A Horny Cowboy For Christina's Birthday w/ Johnny Pemberton | Your Mom's House Ep. 815

Summary

Podcast Summary: Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura Episode: A Horny Cowboy For Christina's Birthday w/ Johnny Pemberton | Your Mom's House Ep. 815
Release Date: June 18, 2025

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1. Gene's Birthday Celebration (01:01 - 05:03)

The episode kicks off with Gene celebrating his birthday. Instead of acknowledging his current age of 49, Gene humorously decides to remain "48," attributing his decision to a challenging year filled with health issues and personal struggles. This playful denial sets the tone for the episode's candid and comedic discussions.

Notable Quote:

• Gene: "I am supposed to be 49. Yeah, but that sucks such donkey balls with, you know, having cancer. [...] So the double bird to 48 as it was." (01:02)

2. Relationships and Communication Between Genders (05:04 - 12:00)

Christina and Tom delve into the dynamics of how men and women communicate differently, especially within their own relationship. They highlight the tendency of men to focus on superficial topics like cars and physical appearances, while women often seek deeper emotional connections. This segment is filled with humorous back-and-forth banter, illustrating common misunderstandings and the importance of balancing both conversational styles.

Notable Quotes:

• Tom: "You know chicks talk a lot. Yeah." (01:59)
• Christina: "You need a balance. Yeah. You need some chicks around." (04:08)

3. Critique of "Horny Cowboy" Dean Kevin Curtis White (12:01 - 24:50)

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to mocking and critiquing Dean Kevin Curtis White, dubbed the "Horny Cowboy." Dean is portrayed as a misguided relationship coach offering poor dating advice. Christina and Tom dissect his advice humorously, pointing out its inappropriateness and ineffectiveness. They highlight his unrealistic and discriminatory standards for potential partners, emphasizing his exclusionary criteria based on appearance, relationship status, and ethnicity.

Notable Quotes:

• Tom: "If you don't have a picture in your profile, don't even bother mentioning me. If you're black, don't." (08:49)
• Christina: "He really does not like black women. But disabled is fine." (56:46)

4. Guest Appearance: Johnny Pemberton (38:03 - 43:57)

Johnny Pemberton joins the hosts to discuss his latest projects, including the movie "Mermaid" and the Netflix series "Bad Thoughts." Christina and Tom praise Johnny's performances, lauding his versatility and comedic timing. The conversation also touches on Johnny's involvement in upcoming projects and his collaboration with the hosts on future content, showcasing their camaraderie and mutual support in the comedy industry.

Notable Quotes:

• Tom: "We saw you at South by Mermaid." (38:07)
• Johnny: "It's such a good movie." (38:24)

5. Parenting and Children's Behavior (44:00 - 51:00)

Christina and Tom share anecdotes about raising their sons, focusing on their children's rebellious and humorous behaviors. They discuss strategies for handling profanity from their kids, teaching them to respond assertively without escalating conflicts. This segment blends humor with relatable parenting challenges, highlighting the chaos and joy of family life.

Notable Quotes:

• Tom: "The six-year-old's a cursing machine." (46:10)
• Christina: "Do you have a girlfriend?" (45:20)

6. Current Events and Incidents (53:00 - 60:00)

The hosts briefly discuss a recent incident involving a ship collision near the Brooklyn Bridge, providing a humorous take on the event. They speculate about the causes and consequences, blending comedic observations with scattered facts from the news report.

Notable Quotes:

• Tom: "The ship was backing out of its pier..." (60:02)
• Christina: "How do you say that?" (60:03)

7. Light-Hearted Interludes and Jokes (60:01 - 80:00)

Throughout the episode, Christina and Tom engage in playful segments, including mock advertisements for absurd products like "pouch leggings" and humorous commentary on public figures and pop culture. These interludes serve to break up the conversation with laughter and showcase the hosts' quick wit and improvisational skills.

Notable Quotes:

• Tom: "Do you wish you could separate out your junk from the rest of you?" (67:33)
• Christina: "That's so true. There's nothing worse than a legging, especially on a man." (66:47)

8. Closing Remarks and Final Jokes (80:00 - End)

The episode concludes with more humorous exchanges, including impersonations and playful banter about everyday situations. The hosts wrap up the episode by reiterating the promotion of Johnny Pemberton's tour and their ongoing projects, leaving listeners with a final round of laughs.

Notable Quotes:

• Tom: "You hate him?" (85:37)
• Christina: "Direction achieved. This is giving me a boner." (85:35)

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Conclusion

Episode 815 of Your Mom's House offers a blend of heartfelt moments, sharp humor, and candid discussions on personal and societal topics. From celebrating Gene's unconventional birthday to mocking poor relationship advice and sharing parenting tales, Christina P. and Tom Segura create an engaging and entertaining experience for their listeners. The guest appearance by Johnny Pemberton adds an extra layer of depth, highlighting collaborative efforts within the comedy community. Despite some explicit and controversial content, the episode maintains its signature comedic style, making it a memorable addition to the series.

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Note: This summary encapsulates the main discussions and humor presented in the episode. Some content includes strong language and sensitive topics, reflecting the hosts' unfiltered comedic approach.

Transcript

[A]

New Jersey. I'll be bringing my Come Together tour to Atlantic City this weekend for two shows at Hard Rock Live at Etis arena on Friday, June 20, and Saturday, June 21. Get tickets now at tomsagura.com tour well, welcome.

[B]

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[A]

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[A]

Visit lifelock.com podcast for 40% off terms apply. Welcome to another episode of your mom's house. Happy birthday, Gene.

[B]

Thanks, Gene.

[A]

It's your born day.

[B]

It's my born day. And here's what I've decided. I am supposed to be 49. Yeah, but that it. I'm going to take 48 over again. Cuz it sucked such donkey balls with, you know, having cancer. You had your invisalign. We've all suffered this rough year. So the double bird to 48 as it was.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

That. I'm 48 again.

[A]

You're 48 again. That's a real chick thing to say. Yeah, chicks do that.

[B]

Why not? Why. Why is that a girl thing?

[A]

It's a girl thing to be like, I'm done. My. I'm done this year over again.

[B]

You know what? Let me tell you something.

[A]

I'll tell you this year over again. And my friends, we're gonna celebrate. It's my year.

[B]

You know what? Can I tell you something? I. You. You know this. The audience doesn't. I took my girlfriends, my best, my BFFs. We went to Mexico. You did my stoma.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We had. We laughed, we cried. We had the best time.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

And then I also understand why women are super annoying, because I. I will give it to you that we just say too many words.

[A]

Yeah, chicks talk a lot. Yeah.

[B]

And there was. And I wasn't drinking because I don't want to drink through my meds because I ruined my meds. And there was a point when we were flying home where I was like, shut the up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Everybody. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I love them. But yeah, I get. I get why men are like, Jesus.

[A]

How they have men just go, huh? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Like how much. How much of what I say registers with you? Be honest.

[A]

I think A lot.

[B]

No. Yeah, you. I see your eyes glaze over.

[A]

Well, that happens. It's a percentage.

[B]

Yeah, well, what's the percentage?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

You don't know because you're not listening.

[A]

No, I'm saying I. To do a full analysis. I don't think you're. You're not that. You're not like that.

[B]

I'm not that mouthy.

[A]

No.

[B]

You know why?

[A]

That's why. Why?

[B]

Because my dad trained me.

[A]

Yeah. Good job, dad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He was like, don't women talk too much? You're good, Novo. You don't talk to lunch.

[A]

You don't.

[B]

You know who talks the perfect amount? Heather Mills.

[A]

Heather who works here? Yeah.

[B]

Cuz she's. She keeps to herself and then it's like, do you want it? What do you want for lunch? Oh, you like, can I get you a coffee? And you're like, that's perfect.

[A]

I mean, this has a little more than that, but yeah.

[B]

She's very creative. She's brilliant.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And like, I like, I like when women connect with stories. I. I mean, sorry. Connect with feelings. Like we talk about real things, then you guys just sit around and tell stories. You don't even talk to each other properly.

[A]

Properly.

[B]

No, I'm serious.

[A]

We have a good time.

[B]

Not really.

[A]

Yeah, we do.

[B]

You guys just tell stories, but you don't connect with each other.

[A]

I think we do.

[B]

Okay, well, how come every time you come back from being with your boyfriend.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'll ask a basic question, like, how is so and so's wife doing? What's up with their mother? Or how's their health thing? And you're like, I don't know. We didn't talk about that.

[A]

Yeah, because that's, that's what I'm saying. We have a good time. We don't talk about like that. We're like, what's up with your car?

[B]

Yeah. It's all you guys care about.

[A]

Your arms look good. What have you been doing?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can I get your arm work out?

[B]

Yeah. I feel like that's, you know, that's one way to communicate and I've enjoyed that in green rooms for years. Yeah, you guys just sit around and tell the same story.

[A]

No, it's true. You know what you need, Honestly? You just need a little. You need a little bit of both.

[B]

You need a balance.

[A]

You need a balance. Yeah. You need some chicks around.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you can open up, talk about some feelings and then guys to like, you know, tell some stories, laugh, have a good time.

[B]

Yeah. And then and then you shut the. Up everybody.

[A]

Yeah. And then everyone shuts up but guys intuitively shut up. That's the thing. You hang out with guys.

[B]

So true.

[A]

You talk and then the guys are just like.

[B]

You're like, that was enough.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No, I see you guys do it in the green rooms.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I know when the boys are quiet. Don't talk.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Do not say fucking word.

[A]

Fucks up with this talking. Yeah.

[B]

Even with you. Like, I. I see when you're thinking thoughts, because you look at your thoughts, you'll look down and go, yeah. And I'm like, oh, he's. He's thinking, I shouldn't. I shouldn't hinder that. I shouldn't talk to him.

[A]

I appreciate that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I will say I think you're really good, though. I don't think you're. You're not like a chatty, chatty broad who's like. You're like, jesus, shut up. You're not like that. No, I mean, obviously, because otherwise I probably.

[B]

You know, I wouldn't have you murder me long ago.

[A]

No, I wouldn't be interested if you were, like, just yapping all day. I'd be like, jesus Christ.

[B]

But you do. Like, because you told a story. Do you mind if I recap? At the dinner table, what you said to my stepsister.

[A]

No.

[B]

Where you were, like, we were talking about how my stepdad, My fat Indian stepdad had lupus. We didn't know that. And he would cough a lot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He'd be like. Like, that cough that I do is actually his cough.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then my mother would get mad and go, dean, please. And get really mad at him. You're disgusting. Stop this coughing. And then you would happen. Tell the story.

[A]

I talked about how you get mad at a. A productive cough.

[B]

I don't like when it's productive.

[A]

You don't like a cough? Like, yeah. And then you also don't like involuntary coughs.

[B]

Oh, that's the worst.

[A]

Like, if someone's sick and coughing, you're like, knock it off. It's like, I'm just. I'm sick. Like, I'm not trying to cough. My body's coughing. And you're like, well, stop. You can stop. You told me that. You're like, you can stop. I'm like, I'm sick. Like, I'm coughing. You're like, yeah, but stop.

[B]

But it was too much. There's. It was too. You could have controlled it.

[A]

But that. See, that's a broad thing. That. That's just, like, controlled. It no, that's just a woman thing where, like, that's when I need a guy around to be like, are you hearing this chick? You know, like, seriously, women are stupid.

[B]

But then you. You still married me. I know you, like, admit it, that you like that I'm a little inappropriate at times.

[A]

I like you that you're a little inappropriate. I don't think. I don't categorize that as inappropriate.

[B]

What is that?

[A]

That's just dumb. Yeah.

[B]

Stupid. Stupid.

[A]

Yeah, you.

[B]

But you could control your cough, just to be fair. That was enough coffee.

[A]

Here you go. This is so good. If you don't have a picture in your profile, then don't even bother mentioning me. If you're black, don't. If you're overweight or slightly overweight, don't bother making me. If you have a boyfriend or a fiance or husband, don't even bother making me. If you have a kid or kids.

[C]

Even if they don't live with you.

[B]

Don'T even bother making me either.

[A]

More than that.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

Welcome to your mom's house. Wow.

[B]

What a winner. Wow.

[A]

A lot of standards.

[B]

So many.

[A]

I like that when we have a guest here and they go, what the. Up with this intro?

[B]

Was that Jessica Curson?

[A]

A lot of people have said it lately. Yeah, Steph said it.

[B]

So long. Oh, Steph. Tola. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. It's 15 years.

[B]

No, it is. It's so long. And I'm so excited to talk about this.

[A]

Yep. You gotta wait.

[B]

Yeah, it's 20 minutes.

[A]

Good. Oh, my God.

[B]

Wait, what does he even say? Don't count on me.

[A]

He says if you don't have.

[B]

Don't gotta make.

[A]

You don't have no profile picture. Don't message me.

[B]

Don't make that.

[A]

If you're black, don't message me black. That was his second one.

[B]

Let's put down his profile, homie. Right.

[A]

So you have to have a.

[B]

If you don't have a photo, check.

[A]

If you're black, don't message me. If you're overweight. And then he said, or even slightly overweight, don't message me. If you have a boyfriend, fiance, or husband, don't message me. If you have a kid, even if the kid doesn't live with you, don't message me.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, you have a good memory for this.

[A]

It was very, very fun.

[B]

A really good memory.

[A]

Yeah. If you don't have a picture in your profile, don't have a picture in your.

[B]

Pompey. Is he. No. Me.

[A]

Overweight or slightly overweight? Going by making me.

[B]

What about speech impediments or a fiance, husband.

[A]

Me. If you have a kid, or kids, even if they don't live with you, don't.

[B]

Don't even bother making me either.

[A]

Other than that.

[B]

Other than that.

[A]

Other than that.

[C]

Other than that.

[A]

I would love to watch this guy shoot you down so hard.

[B]

Me?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Like, first of all, you're slightly overweight.

[A]

And be like, you have.

[B]

He sounds like Yoshi.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You have kids, you're slightly overweight.

[A]

I mean, to watch this guy shut people down would be my next favorite thing.

[B]

Yeah, bring him in. We should do a dating show.

[A]

A chick. We should do like we did with Tony, like, but just have all women who either have a kid but like, make them all hot. He like, nope, no, not in.

[B]

So basically the only person he could date is a non black, fit, young, single, childless woman.

[A]

Yeah, he wants. Well, he's basically saying, Are you 21 and hot? Message me. Are you 21 year old, white hottie?

[B]

Are you?

[A]

Message me one.

[B]

He's old. But I will say I saw this woman, we covered her on this show where she was like, men are so slimy. That you have to specify. Are you currently married to a person right now?

[A]

Right now. Right.

[B]

Are you separated? How separated?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Does that just mean in your mind you're separated or actually are you, like. Because people will come up with apparently yes reasons.

[A]

If you're black, don't messing me. Messing me. If you're black, don't messing me. If you're blacking me. Missing me, don't bother messing me.

[B]

Don't bother. I'm sure the black women don't even want his ass.

[A]

How about like some good stupid advice? Because this guy needs it. I think this guy needs advice.

[B]

Don't mess with me.

[A]

Next time you're out on a drive and you know an exit is coming up, reach over.

[B]

I know it.

[A]

Rub up and down her leg.

[B]

Fucking puke.

[A]

Rotate around and just squeeze just a little bit up and down. Just kind of massage the area a little bit.

[B]

I hate his breathing.

[A]

Look over, give her a little smile, maybe a little wink. And as you're approaching that exit and she can see the sign.

[B]

I'm gonna puke.

[A]

Just point at the sign and say, you interested in pulling off?

[C]

Have a little adventure.

[B]

A little adventure. He's so winded from walking two steps and not the rocks and pull over.

[A]

He gives all sexy type advice.

[B]

Oh, I know. Have you. Do you have the other ones?

[A]

There's. I've seen a bunch of his stuff. It's Always in my algo area. It's extremely important.

[B]

Puke.

[A]

Now, the very first thing most men go into. Yeah.

[C]

If they want to start jabbing, they.

[A]

Want to start jabbing. Totally wrong. Totally wrong. You have a tool for that. And she'll ask for it when she wants it. No. Use your fingers the way they are to be used.

[B]

I can't stop breathing.

[A]

It's such an interesting lane for this guy to choose. Like his, his whole thing is love making advice.

[B]

I hate you.

[A]

So for men.

[B]

Okay, so this, this is not. And I like that it's always in nature. Like he, he doesn't have a house. He can. You know why? Because his wife is there.

[A]

Yeah. He's like, I'm doing my forest. Were you telling them how to touch me?

[B]

Dean, please make your videos outside Helix Mattresses. I love this company. It's the easiest thing in the world. You take their quiz where you disclose your sleeping position, sleeping temperature, and if you sleep with a partner or solo, they have cooling mattress covers for hot sleepers, extra memory foam padding for side sleepers, which is yours truly. Helix also sells bed frames, pillows, sheets, and a lot of other bedding options. We've been sleeping on a Helix mattress now for what, maybe a year and a half and it's been fantastic. I sleep so much better because I sleep on a mattress that's made for a side sleeper. I didn't realize that was a thing until now. And I absolutely love my Helix. So go take the quiz online right now. Go to helixsleep.com ymh for 27% off site wide exclusive for listeners of your mom's house. That's helixsleep.com YMH for 27% off site wide helixsleep.com YMH Summer's finally here, which means more sunshine, more daylight, and way more time to actually enjoy yourself. The last thing anyone wants to do when it's gorgeous out, be stuck in the kitchen for hours. That's where factor saves the day. Their chef crafted dietitian approved meals are ready in just two minutes. You can eat well without missing a moment of summer factor meals arrive fresh, ready to eat and perfect for your busy summer schedule. With 45 weekly options like Calorie Smart, Protein plus and Keto, you'll find meals that fit your goals from breakfast to dessert. Factor fuels your whole day with zero hassle. We have factor meals here and YMH studios and it makes it so easy for me who I'm forever dieting and try to stay in good shape. It Just makes eating healthy so much more convenient. Get [e-mail] ymh50off and use code ymh50off to get 50 off plus free shipping on your first box. That's code ymh50off@Factor Meals.com ymh50off for 50 off plus free shipping. Factor Meals.com Ymh50off I think. Okay, so there is a lane of this age of guy with blue eyes and they're usually bald, but they wear like hats and scarves and they lip sync poorly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To romantic songs.

[A]

Oh, that's a big thing.

[B]

That there's that.

[A]

The other one that is such the cringiest of all is the one who's.

[B]

Like, yeah, that he's the best.

[A]

He's like, is that all right?

[B]

That's my favorite.

[A]

Is it okay if I look at you like this and. And then they get shot and they're like all koi after it and you're like, okay, dude. And it's a 50 year old guy.

[B]

I know. So there's one guy on the gram who does those sexy koi videos.

[A]

Sexy stare.

[B]

Yeah. But then. So then he makes this video. He's like, guys, women, stop DMing me. I'm married, okay? I make these videos for myself.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I'm getting bombarded.

[B]

Yeah. He got busted apparently. Probably, you know, some hoe in his dms. His wife was like, what is this?

[A]

He's like, nothing, I'm just doing my stare video vids.

[B]

This is like this pig. I'm sure he's married.

[A]

Next time you're on a date.

[B]

He's got a lisp too.

[A]

Stare right in her eyes and ask, what would you do if I asked you to go take your underwear off?

[B]

Oh, boy.

[A]

Hand them to me.

[B]

What would you say if I asked her to take off your underwear?

[A]

Look at that. It feels like that's the face he makes when he asks. He's like, will you take your underwear off, please.

[B]

Dork. I can't.

[A]

Oh, wow. They're pretty soiled.

[B]

Yeah. It's always guys that look like this. I think they can.

[A]

Well, he's giving advice. He's giving advice and people are. He's the. What is he? He's cowboy. He's cowboy. Oh, he's been married 25 years.

[B]

Yeah, right. I knew it. That's why he's never doing this in his own house.

[A]

How you can move. It's his videos about making a move. Oh, okay. And it's causing excitement in your life. He is trying to Be a relationship coach. Okay. It's pretty cool. Horny cowboy.

[B]

No, that's his name.

[A]

No, no, no. That was just what we call him.

[B]

Yeah, he's totally so horned up.

[A]

He's very horned up.

[B]

Hold on. Before I forget. Speaking of horny, buy my lipsticks, you guys.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Christinap.com Buy all four. Buy the perfect four. Make your lady horny when she puts them on.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

These lipsticks makes ladies so horny.

[A]

Next time you're out with your lady, why don't you just reach over and take her by the hand, put it between your legs and say, do you feel that? See what she does?

[B]

I hate him.

[A]

You hate him?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just like, nobody wants that. Nobody not needs. And the guys that he's telling this to, they're not. It's not good advice, guys. Don't do this.

[A]

Don't do any of it.

[B]

No, I mean, look, if the lady likes you, she likes you. Dude. There's nothing you can do. We're not. It's just. There's nothing you can change about yourself. Either we're into it or we're not.

[A]

All right. She's just not that into you.

[B]

She's not. She's not that India.

[A]

Yeah. Or she is.

[B]

Or she is. Yeah. Just like.

[A]

Do you want to have a little adventure on this next exit?

[B]

Stop. There's one. I'm throw up. There's one where. There's one where he's like. Push her up against the wall gently, and then stare into her eyes.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Hold the stare.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then say, do you want me to kiss you? Just like, something stupid like that. Like, oh, dude, stop.

[A]

This is more your speed, I think.

[B]

Prepare for my Dom session with me. So the prep for this session starts the night before. Because this man likes to be. If you are new here. Yes, we do this every single month. Lol. I wanted Jamaican food, so we got Jamaican food this time. Of course, I have to try to eat it.

[A]

A lot of if you know about.

[B]

Jamaican food, this was so much food. But I did my best and ate everything I could. Next, I drink my ginger root tea before taking some probiotics, some digestive pills to keep everything moving. The next morning, I wake up, take a laxative, and then I wait an hour before heading to the hotel. Once I'm at the hotel, it's a real quick session. About 20 minutes in and out. I do my thing, and I make a bag.

[A]

Always a bag.

[B]

Since y' all was saying that I was capping in the last video, I decided to provide the receipts. So there's the deposit, the food receipt, the food return, and the remainder of the bag. Yeah.

[A]

So cool.

[B]

Easiest way to make money.

[A]

Taking dumps. So that's rad.

[B]

So easy. And she's got the chair set up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And she puts down the.

[A]

For your house training your little pup. She just takes a dump. And this guy's like, here's a thousand dollars or whatever.

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

That's rad.

[B]

Now if you could really get away with. With In a bag and leaving the bag there or. Or. And then bringing it to him, not having to do it in real time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Would be preferable.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Because for me, it's the pressure of the performance anxiety.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He want. How do I know when the laxatives are going to kick in?

[A]

But man, it's so. It's wild that. That's. That's somebody's favorite thing. And then you found somebody that'll provide it. That's so cool. You know that guy. That girl is like, yeah, I can. For you.

[B]

I could on you.

[A]

And he's like, fantastic. We eat a bunch of Jamaican food.

[B]

It's very specific.

[A]

Yeah. Well, maybe that's just what she wanted. But he was like, I want it spicy. I want to see it sting. She ate it. That was a lot. That was a gnarly dump. She took for sure. With a laxative, too.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It could have just been her normal movement. Now it's going to be extra pushed out, extra spices. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I didn't think I would have gone. Now if he wanted spicy, I might go Korean.

[A]

I knew you would.

[B]

Yeah. I knew you would soon do.

[A]

We got to get you this guy's info.

[B]

Cal be.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Some kimchi. Kimchi is really what brings the brown down.

[A]

And lots of garlic there, too. Garlic dump some farts.

[B]

Is there a woman alive that wants this done to her?

[A]

I wonder somewhere. Yeah. But she's deeply, deeply troubled. She's not. She's not, like, just functioning. Going to a job.

[B]

Could you imagine if you showed up on her doorstep and you're like, I got it.

[A]

Hey. Yep.

[B]

You do a schedule like that. If you do season two of Bad Thoughts, can I be the woman that you on?

[A]

Sure. Yeah.

[B]

It's too much.

[A]

Oh, you said we don't need props. My wife wants the real thing. Yeah.

[B]

I love the bad thoughts where you. You have diarrhea on your butt. It's so funny.

[A]

Hell yeah.

[B]

It's so good.

[A]

I love taking on that scene.

[B]

Oh, here we. Yeah, I got it. Such a horny These are horny clips for you today.

[A]

Well. You don't like this guy?

[B]

Nope.

[A]

I think this is kind of your style. Kind of looks like me.

[B]

Oh, no, this is gay. This guy's gay.

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

Gay.

[A]

Don't see it.

[B]

Not interested, guys.

[A]

Name's Peyton. Still gay. Still from Alabama. Like 33 and a half. Still have my land, still have my.

[C]

Pond, still have my big day, feel.

[A]

Good all to myself and nobody to share it with. Who am I going to share all this with? I need somebody to share it with.

[B]

Yeah, babe.

[A]

That's got to be. That's so interesting, though. The. The Southern gay.

[B]

It's very rare.

[A]

It's. Well, it's not rare. No, I'm just saying that, like, to put that out there, like, you know, you see a gay guy, whatever, you, you know, LA, NY, it's just like, oh, just part of. But you don't think, like, oh, yeah, Alabama. There's like Alabama dudes like, this guy. I know, he's just like, what's up? It's lonely out here, man.

[B]

He's putting it out.

[A]

I got a lot of to cool here, man.

[B]

Well, he wants a country boy like him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He needs a good country boy who's gonna ride, you know, go on the lake. Fish and butt.

[A]

That's what he wants. And Calvin Klein underwear.

[B]

He's an anomaly. The problem is he's. He's a diamond in that community.

[A]

Yeah. I would say. I would think this guy has no problem finding a guy. But maybe it's just environmentally. Right. Like the neighborhood.

[B]

He's in the wrong part of the world.

[A]

But he's. But here's the thing. He's like, I want to leave it. I love fishing. I love. Right. Yeah.

[B]

So he wants that hot guy to come to him. So you're basically. Sir, you're gonna have to get a lad from California or New York who's willing.

[A]

This is his version of waving a hanky. He's like, hello, anybody out there?

[B]

Anybody out there?

[A]

Y' all like the fish and get your dick sucked after you catch a big old fish? Hell yeah, dude. There's definitely guys for him.

[B]

Yeah. But they don't look like him where he's from. I mean, he's very put together.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

That's tough. He. He's. It's a tall order when he's looking for.

[A]

Well, I'm glad. You know, I think this is a smart. This is like one of the great things of social media.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This guy can put that out there. I'm sure he's getting bombarded with messages.

[B]

At least because of us. Now what part of.

[A]

Well, I'm saying even. Even on his own, like. Yeah, I don't know. Let's see.

[B]

Let's help him out.

[A]

Check this out. You seen this? That was cool.

[B]

What?

[A]

Annie, you put that in there?

[B]

Annie, did you see the thing?

[A]

What? What? What the Was up. They're both wearing the DAS fishing head. Oh, they are both. It might be a match. Still gay. Yeah. Yep. He found his match. He did. Still gay. That's playing Minecraft in the background. That's crazy.

[B]

You gotta take a break from Minecraft.

[A]

Yeah. This is why you don't play Minecraft.

[B]

Gay.

[A]

What is he doing exactly? What is he doing exactly? What is he doing?

[B]

Push ups.

[A]

Ridiculous. But he's just laying there. He's not like, what's he doing any.

[B]

What's he doing?

[A]

I don't understand what he's actually doing. Playing Minecraft. Bro.

[B]

There's.

[A]

There's someone back there. Is there? Yeah. Oh, his ass out or something. I can't tell. If you don't see, like, are you just. What? Are you playing with me? No. Yes. There's someone back there. Well, because it's so fast and I can't really see it. Yeah, like, I don't see the other person. Oh, yeah, now I see it. Now I see it. Now I see it. Yep, I see it. Still gay. I see it.

[B]

Okay, you gotta play it a few more times. Yeah, I'm not sure.

[A]

Yeah, that was interesting. I didn't. I didn't see it. I didn't see it and now I see it.

[B]

Got it.

[A]

Got it.

[B]

When we started this podcast, it felt like we had to figure out absolutely everything from production, branding, and marketing. It was an absolute A lot. It was a lot. I wish we had Shopify back then. We use Shopify to power our merch store. It made it super easy to launch and manage everything from designing the site to handling drops like the Air Segura shirt which flew off the shelves. We can track orders, restock, and stay on top of it all without needing a full team. Shopify powers millions of businesses and handles 10% of all e commerce in the US from big names like Mattel and Gymshark to companies like us. Here at ymh, you can build a beautiful online store with hundreds of templates, create content with built in AI tools, and run email and social campaigns like you've got a full marketing team. If you're ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify. Turn your big business idea into. With Shopify on your side, sign up for your $1 per month trial at shopify.com momshouse go to shopify.com momshouse shopify.com momshouse hey.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Can I tell you I have a Pajicki effect?

[A]

Yeah, please.

[B]

I finally figured out after being alive all this time that you don't have to sit in a wet bathing suit. Like, you can bring another bathing suit.

[A]

With you to the second one.

[B]

Pool.

[A]

Or the Beats.

[B]

Beats. The Beats.

[A]

The Beats. Yeah. Where there's Sands.

[B]

Sands. And then you can change into that nice dry one.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I don't have to sit and, like, be uncomfortable all day in the same way.

[A]

You just got that?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's awesome.

[B]

Hey, you know, you can do. You can even bring underwear and a change of clothing with you to the beach or the pool.

[A]

A lot of people do that.

[B]

I just started to. I just thought you had to suffer in your wet clothing all day. Did you know you could do that any. Oh, you don't swim?

[A]

Yeah, see, I don't make that mistake.

[B]

You don't swim ever? Like, not even in a pool?

[A]

Nah. Like, if at a house party with the pool, you wouldn't get in a little bit. I'll be in the house. Wow. Okay. Yeah, fine. Yep. Fine, dude. Blacks, whites, Puerto Ricans, ain't nobody.

[B]

I don't think he's getting any. I have to say that I was laughing so hard at sinners when we brought that up.

[A]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Ridiculous.

[B]

Do the soulful singing again.

[A]

See, see, you see? You see why I'm tired of this? Yeah, it's because. It's because y' all like it too much. Yeah, it's Y' all ridiculous, bro. Anyone who likes that movie is a racist. And they just might not know it. They just might not know it. That might be what's going on now.

[B]

I have to watch it to test.

[A]

You have to watch. You should go see it. And it's so annoying because. Because you're gonna think. You're gonna think you like Michael B. Jordan. Like, as soon as he pops on screen, you're like, damn, yo. He looked kind of dope, though. Like Smoke and Stack. That was like a cool. Yeah, cool characters. Yeah, that was a cool character. I like how they dressed. And that was tight. I'm like, yo, I might be these for Halloween. And then the rest of the movie play. I'm like, well, there goes that. I can't do that. Yes.

[B]

Days I've been laughing.

[A]

Unbelievable. I. I really enjoyed it. I didn't realize it was my deep, deep rooted racism. Oh, well, well. Yeah, yeah. Real well, well, well moment. Like. Yeah, these blacks are doing it. Like, I like. Yeah, yeah, yeah, totally. They had the bigger. Bring her big old titties out. That's ridiculous.

[B]

A black lady brought her titties.

[A]

Big old titties, man. Tell you, the biggest titties I've ever seen. Big like bus driver.

[B]

Black lady, bus driver. Tits are the biggest.

[A]

Yeah, bus driver plus for sure.

[B]

Is there a tab on pornhub for that?

[A]

I don't think so.

[B]

There should be.

[A]

I mean, I'm sure there's big black tits, but I don't think you, like.

[B]

If there's like black lady bus driver.

[A]

No, it doesn't say it like that. It's not going to be bus driver. Is this going to say big black tits? Yeah, you know what? I talk honestly. There's probably some. There's probably some. Oh, yeah, porn's blocked here, so.

[B]

Oh, use that VPN, sucker.

[A]

ExpressVPN. Well, well, well. Those aren't the tits you're talking about.

[B]

Those are like normal.

[A]

Just do big black tits. Yeah, look at that, man. Yeah, those tits are huge. Crazy. I thought she was a cool character. I like that lady. She was cool. Yeah, but it was racist. There you go.

[B]

I gotta look.

[A]

Yeah, Great big black tits right there. Yeah, top right. Holy. There's some huge black tits here. Holy that.

[B]

Listen, I wish I could make fun of them, but my tots are. Were just that big before I had them removed, man.

[A]

Yeah, you had some lunch. Lady tits.

[B]

I had some big black lady tits myself.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I can't. I wish I could cast stones, my friend.

[A]

But yeah, I think you're going to. I actually think you're really going to like this movie. I really do.

[B]

You're going to like the way I look.

[A]

I think you're going to like the way you look.

[B]

I guarantee.

[A]

I guarantee it.

[B]

Yeah, I'm going to watch. I want. I'm going to watch it. Do I have to go to a.

[A]

Well, it's got like. No, you don't. You know, you can order it now. Yeah. And it has like your favorite things.

[B]

Vampires.

[A]

It has vampires. It has white people subjugating black people. Horrible conditions.

[B]

I don't like that one Pierce. One Pierce. So Interview with the Vampire, the series on Netflix. It's gotten less gay. Remember I told you?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Like, they put the homosexuality like front and center for that show. And I was like, all right, I'm Enough. I get it. They're gay.

[A]

They're gay. I thought about this, though. I thought about the vampire thing.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

It's like. But doesn't. If Dracula's gonna change a nigga into a vampire, doesn't he gotta suck on the dude's neck?

[B]

Yeah, it's so. So let me. Allow me to elaborate. So it's always been homoerotic. Yes, it was always homoerotic. Like the Anne Rice vampires were always. You knew they were homosexuals. However, it didn't go into, like, detail. And you didn't see them French.

[A]

What the is that?

[B]

That's the gauge. That's what I'm talking about. That's when he becomes a wumpier. And watch this, watch this. When they ascend into the air. Oh, man. The scene right after this, the two. Two gay guys with their butts showing in the air. It's just so. It wasn't like this in the books, you guys.

[A]

But. So what you're saying though, is that you always knew.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This was the thing. You just never saw it, so. Well, this is kind of. But it was interesting.

[B]

They play it down.

[A]

When you look at something, the first.

[B]

Movie, they play it down generally.

[A]

So what, like. What is this from?

[B]

This is the AMC1 vampire. Yeah.

[A]

Look who directed this?

[B]

Why, you want him for your next movie?

[A]

No, it's just an interesting. That's what I'm saying.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You seem to be really into this.

[B]

Super gay.

[A]

So I don't know who that guy.

[B]

Wait, no, that's. Oh, he did the Crying Game.

[A]

Okay, this is my point.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A lot of times when you just find out who the director is, you can see.

[B]

Yeah. That was the director for the movie. The creator of the show is Roland Jones.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Kiosk. I can't tell. I don't know what he is.

[A]

On a Tuesday. Hot outside.

[B]

Look. That being said, it's a great series. The. The head vampires, the guy who plays Louis and Lestad. They're gorgeous. It's. It's totally well done.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's great. But I was a little too, like.

[A]

All right, is Roland.

[B]

Homosexual?

[A]

Come on.

[B]

Un homosexual.

[A]

I mean, it's usually like. Like, it's pretty. You know, this is how this works. This is why it's true.

[B]

Because you see the world through your gay lens. That could be his ex wife before he.

[A]

You don't know. We don't know.

[B]

I don't know. Dude. Could be the EP on the show. It could be.

[A]

Yeah, it could be. I know. That's my point was just that like you. Or sometimes you find the person who's.

[B]

No, I know what the. It is.

[A]

What?

[B]

I know what it is.

[A]

What?

[B]

It's. It's two. It's 2025. We can't make anybody trans.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We can't make it too multicultural, because what. We have, like, one black by Empire. One.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

French Vampire. So they added that gay stuff in to make it 2025. Do you know what I mean? When they shoehorn in the diversity and all this stuff. Maybe that's what I'm thinking, but what.

[A]

You'Re saying is that it's always been gay. They just didn't show it before.

[B]

No, no, no. They. Yes. But in the books, it was, like, insinuated. You knew, but you didn't know kind of thing. They didn't French or anything. They just, like, intimated that these two were lovers in love with one. It was romanticized. It wasn't like they.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Butt pounded.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. They never did in the book, stroking his hog.

[B]

No, it wasn't like that. You never.

[A]

Blood in this thing, too. Suck it.

[B]

Yeah, it wasn't like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Whatever. Whatever. I don't want to talk about. I'm sick of talking about this.

[A]

Okay. All right. I just remember, by the way, the most annoying part of Sinners, the. The dumbest scene ever was, like, everyone's favorite moment. Which. The. The music part. You remember that time? Yeah, yeah. When it went from, like, rap or whatever, blues to, like, rap to a dj. It was like, what. What do. What do do? Let's see African drums. Let's throw that shit in there. The fucking music didn't even. It didn't blend right. The rhythm was off. And then they threw, like, Asian niggas randomly at the end because there was, like, an Asian couple that walked by and they're like, what do Asians do? Come on. Oh, the geisha maker. Let's put that shit. It was, like, full. That fucking. It was all just racist, bro. The whole scene was just racist. It didn't sound good.

[B]

Speaking of. Speaking of Asian ends, Jackie Chan was so good in Karate Kid, and I can't stop thinking about what a fantastic movie star that guy is.

[A]

Yeah, he's fantastic.

[B]

You know, he's great with, like, Tom Cruise in terms of being.

[A]

He's a real movie star.

[B]

Amazing movie star. He made that film. He stole the show.

[A]

He was great.

[B]

He's so good.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Talented.

[A]

Love, Jackie. Have you seen Foreigner with him?

[B]

No.

[A]

Fire.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Fire. It's. It's new. He's kind of older. In it, Fire.

[B]

He's great.

[A]

Foreigner. Oh, is he fighting people? And in this it's like born. But did you see the new. The spin off for Wick? Did you see that one? The ballerina thing?

[B]

What?

[A]

I have not. Has anyone seen that?

[B]

A spin off?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. This ballerina thing, this is like. It's the Wick world.

[B]

Oh, I like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is it a Slavic queen?

[A]

I have no idea.

[B]

Dark Slavic beauty. You know, I like that. From the Russians.

[A]

Did you watch it? Oh, it's Anadarmas.

[B]

Kiosk.

[A]

Kios. She's Spanish. Spanish. Cuban girl.

[B]

You want your tribe.

[A]

Okay. Did you watch it? I have not seen it. I've not seen it. Okay, that.

[B]

That's cool.

[A]

I'll check it out.

[B]

I'll do that.

[A]

Yeah, Very cool. All right, let's take a quick break. We'll be right back. Taking a break. Hope the master don't see me. Jesus Christ. And we are back and joining us, one of our all time favorite guests. You can see him on tour by going to Johnny Pemberton Dot Dog for tour dates. It's Johnny Pemberton, everybody. It's so good to see you.

[C]

Great to be here. I haven't seen you in a while.

[A]

It's been a minute.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

We saw you at south by Mermaid.

[C]

We did, but that was so. That was like a kind of a whirlwind, I feel like.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, it was so fast.

[A]

Yeah, it was. That was such a. An amazing movie. It's called Mermaid. It debuted here at south by in Austin. And then very recently the news came that it was acquired. So it's going to be distributed next year.

[C]

I know. Very exciting.

[A]

It's really cool.

[C]

We've known for a little while now, but it's. It's just so cool to actually have it be like official.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Because that means it's like, it's real. It's gonna.

[A]

It's such a good movie.

[B]

It really is.

[A]

I love the movie.

[B]

No, I love the movie.

[A]

You're fantastic in it.

[C]

I love it. It's a fun movie. It's super cool.

[B]

You know what's great about Mermaid too, is that it's actually surprising. It's original. It's interesting. It's a great story. You haven't seen it before and you do a great job in it.

[C]

That's what movies are supposed to be.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, it's not funny that we're talking about things like that's what a movie for. Forever. That's what a movie was.

[A]

Exactly.

[C]

Now it's like, if you do anything slightly original, it's like, oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah. People freak out. And this is like, not the movie that a studio wants to make. You have to, like, really kick and scratch and, you know, I mean, like, maybe not like, but I'm saying, like, that's what you would want from your big studios. And they're like, we won't do that.

[C]

Yeah, they won't. I mean, everything's in such flux right now.

[A]

Shout out to Tyler. Tyler Corn.

[C]

Tyler Cornack.

[A]

Yeah, he made it.

[C]

You guys are working together now, right?

[A]

Yeah, we're working on something together. Yeah. Very excited. Yeah.

[C]

Good job.

[A]

Yeah. I saw that movie. I was like, hey, what's up?

[C]

Yeah, I predicted that.

[A]

Yeah, you did.

[C]

Yeah, I did. Because I just, you know, you're savvy.

[A]

You see sensibilities that people like.

[C]

Yeah. I just feel like it's like, it makes sense, you know, that you would. Guys want to work together.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

He's like a. He's just so talented, you know, he's like, so incredibly. What he does is just. I mean.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I can't believe it.

[A]

Yeah, I thought. I thought so, too. It was like. As soon as I saw that, I was like, I gotta talk to this guy. Yeah, this is great. Yeah.

[C]

And you got him on the payroll.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was great, man.

[B]

Mermaid's amazing. And I'm excited for Fallout.

[C]

Yeah. Season two is gonna be cool. Comes out, I think, in December. They don't know what date exactly yet, but probably. It'll probably be, like, right before Christmas, you know, so everybody can, like, can binge.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Fallout. Anyway, so aren't you also in the smash Netflix hit Bad Thoughts?

[C]

Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[A]

You're so good in that.

[C]

That's such a. It's such a great show, man.

[A]

It was a lot of fun.

[C]

I spaced out my watching of it, and I just. Every. Every episode I successively watch, I was like, oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, God, the Steven Seagal one, man, it kills me so much. Like, I just was. I had to pause it.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, like, oh, really? That's awesome, man. Yeah. I was so thrilled.

[C]

You know, it's very fun character.

[A]

People. Like when this hat. When you write for a movie or a show, when it comes to cat, sometimes when you write, you. You write with someone in mind. Right. So I wrote this. This story in particular with you in mind to play this. Yeah. That's why it was called Johnny. We switched it. That's why.

[C]

You did. Yeah. Yeah, I think.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I Think I asked for that?

[A]

Yeah, you did. You're like, we changed the name. And I was.

[C]

It's better, always better to play a character than to be your name.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

I don't want to be me.

[A]

No, I agree. I totally agree. And when you said that, I was like, oh, yeah, absolutely. But. But we wrote it for you and mine. And then you go. Then you get to the casting process, and they're like, well, who do you want? I'm like, well, I want Johnny. And then you have to have your. Your backups, because they're like, what if this person doesn't. You're like, all right. So you start making this list, but you're the bolded name at the top of the casting list. So I was just so, so thankful that you did it, man.

[C]

Yeah, it was so much fun. I mean, just that. Just the haircut alone, I feel like, is something that's so. It's just so stupid. Oh, yeah.

[B]

So good.

[C]

It's that hair, man. I just see the hair. I'm like, this guy. Look at that, man. It looks like somebody who just is flying coach and, like, has a bag. It's taped together.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But he's, like, super. I don't know. I feel like I spend weeks as that guy.

[A]

My favorite part, like, there's a lot in this. This particular story that I love, but my favorite thing in it that makes me laugh every time is something like, you can't. You don't teach. Like, someone just does it or not. Is when the other guy, played by Chase, is giving the speech, and he's like. He's right. Is you just going like. Like, you do this, like, nod, smile, like, that's it. That's what. That's what I was saying. And so it's real. It's subtle, but you're like. It's like you're. You're relieved, and you're like, that's it. Like, you're basically saying, that's it. Yeah, it's really great.

[C]

Don't remember that, but it's really funny.

[A]

Yeah, it's really funny.

[C]

It's a great show. It's. Yeah. All this cool stuff.

[B]

Well. And of course, our household's favorite, pickle and peanut.

[C]

Right.

[B]

Still the biggest.

[C]

Try to bring it back.

[A]

Yeah. The boys have a different opinion on what your best work is, and it's definitely pickle and peanut.

[C]

I think it's my best work. I don't even think it's like. Well, I mean, I don't think it's my best work, so. Much as it is the. The best work that happened to be in. You know what I mean? I used to get high and watch that show. I would forget that I'm in it because I just had so much fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Watching it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Because there's those guys who created that are just so. Oh, so ahead of their time.

[B]

You know, we still do in the house. We just did it. Friendship tunnel. Friendship.

[C]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. They go head.

[C]

Kind of weird. It's kind of weird.

[B]

Friendship tunnel.

[C]

It's kind of like a thing where it's great. Disney was like, hey, we bought this.

[B]

Huh? But you know what's great, though, is that in a sea of, like, in a sea of cocoa melons and Ms. Rachel's and just these banal, boring cartoons, there's a little Pickle and Peanut. There's something weird out there for your kids. You want them to grow up a little weird?

[C]

I think so.

[B]

We had the Muppet show, which was just Jim Henson getting high and creating puppets. And that was amazing. The great space coaster. Like, all these weird shows. And I'm glad that that exists.

[C]

Yeah. I mean, it's definitely not for children. Right. I don't think it is. Like, cocomelons for babies. Right.

[B]

That sucks.

[A]

Yeah, I think so.

[C]

It's also like, doesn't it like. I check their brains.

[B]

Pickle and Peanut.

[C]

You do?

[B]

I would show my babies that.

[C]

Well, that's all.

[A]

That's more cutie. All right. There's, like. There's a few videos when your kid's really young where it's just like, you have to sit there and watch the video. And it's just a lady going, you're cutie pie. All right.

[C]

So basic.

[A]

And the kids, like. And you see the kids drooling. Yeah.

[C]

It is crazy to see how they lock into sometimes. It's just.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Feels like, oh, this. This can't be that great.

[B]

No.

[C]

Because why? They just sort of.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Like they're jacked in.

[B]

But that's why it's good when it's creative and actually funny. And you're like, okay. That's good comedy vibes going in your.

[A]

Brain, by the way. Do you know that both of our boys are like. They're like, I don't like stuff that's for chicks.

[B]

I know.

[C]

I wonder why I think I was that way as a kid.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Yeah. Like, super. You don't want to have anything to do with girls.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

Like, oh, dude, pink. Absolutely not.

[A]

The best is never pink at dinner. Sometimes I go, so you have a girlfriend and My older one will go, no, what girlfriend? I'm nine. I'm like, okay. And he just kind of gets over it. And then I turn to the six year old, I go, do you have a girlfriend? He goes, you.

[C]

Oh, he's the one who's like really spicy, right?

[A]

Oh yeah.

[C]

He's the one who says stuff out of nowhere.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So like it's so up. I did it the other day to him again. I go, are you dating someone yet? He goes, stop fucking saying that shit.

[C]

What do you say to that though? When he says that?

[A]

I go, hey, hey, hey, calm down. Okay? He goes, why would I have a girlfriend? It's ridiculous.

[C]

But like the cursing, do you just have to not acknowledge it?

[B]

It's. Listen, who did he get it from? The problem is it's you, right? Yeah, I can't.

[C]

You're a clean comic. I know that. Yeah.

[B]

I can't stop cursing. And I mean, listen, they pick up stuff. Yeah, but we try to sensitize our, our children. Right.

[A]

Like don't call people the interesting thing though.

[B]

And they still come home with knowing stuff that we did not.

[A]

The older one doesn't curse even a fraction as much as the younger 1.

[B]

The six year old's a cursing machine.

[C]

Yeah, that's kind of cool. That's like a Pete's Pete sort of thing.

[A]

It is, it is kind of cool. He'll, he'll be like, he's saying MF and all this stuff.

[C]

He's saying mf?

[A]

Yeah, he says that. Yeah.

[B]

But they don't curse at school, so I know that he knows the line. He's not, he's not at school being like.

[C]

That's smart though.

[A]

Yeah. He knows, he knows at home.

[B]

He's doing it to get a rise out of us at home.

[A]

And you ignore a lot of it. You have to ignore a lot of it.

[B]

He's ignoring you or you laugh. Cuz this morning we were like, good morning, Juju. And he's like, shut the up, I want to sleep.

[C]

We were like, do you laugh at this?

[A]

Yes.

[C]

I mean I would be laughing so much.

[B]

Yes. We laugh so much. God, I want to sometimes get mad.

[A]

He gets real work. Yeah. If you laugh too hard. If he gets. But he gets.

[C]

Are he's mad as you laugh.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Sometimes he's serious.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

This is like an advanced being. You have, it feels like you have like an old man.

[A]

He does, he does this thing where he's like, he's like, he comes in, he goes, hey. He goes, I'm Sick of this fucking shit. This fucking shit just make me fucking crazy. And I start to laugh.

[C]

What's he talking about? Like a push pop or something like that?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He goes, why are you fucking laughing, man? And then I. And then his face is like this. And I start to laugh. And then he'll kind of be like, what? And I go, why are you so fired up, man? He goes, cuz the. My brother is doing the. And he's with me. Go punish him. Okay, okay. Calm down. Oh, my God. Just calm down.

[C]

It's funny how that's probably funnier than any comedian.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

I mean, it's like.

[B]

Yeah, well, sorry.

[C]

Oh, I don't know. My niece, that is super funny. Like, she's only 2 years old, but she does stuff. I'm like, this is like. She's literally doing a bit right now.

[A]

Yeah, it's good.

[B]

It's a good one. They learn bits or they don't know. Oh, no, no. Ellis knows now what's funny to us. And so he'll come in and he'll be like, we're at the dinner table. Like, why did you do that? And he's like, what can I say? Except that I'm gay.

[A]

He likes that one. Yeah.

[C]

That's a T shirt.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

What can I say? Except that I'm gay.

[B]

But we can change to what can I say except your dad's gay?

[A]

Or that they started that one.

[B]

You're gay.

[C]

Oh, cool.

[A]

Last night at dinner, it was dad's gay.

[C]

Just. Just out of nowhere.

[A]

Just out of nowhere. It's like, what can I say? Dad's gay. I'm like, okay, that's good.

[B]

But I like that these things sustain even though we try to beat them out of it. It's not. It's never gonna happen.

[C]

When they're. They're like in their teens, it's gonna be. They're gonna just destroy you. I know they're gonna come in there like this high five and. And just be like berating you in ways that you didn't know existed. Seem like a prison gang or something.

[A]

Like, it is gonna be like that. But I also feel like that instinct inside. I'm just thinking of us will be like that one day. Yeah, that I'll go back so hard on them as it. As is like what's inside of me, you know, like in all the years of doing it. And then they're going to be like, hey, what the, man? I'll be like, well, don't with me, dude. I'll rip you apart.

[C]

Like, yeah, teach them how will you start laughing then? Like that thing where it's like, you see.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

If they're gonna do it and then you start laughing and everyone's like, oh, okay, yeah, I Just kidding.

[A]

I just. With you guys. And they're like, that was really harsh, man. Like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

I taught them how to do your mother too.

[A]

What do you mean?

[B]

If some kid insults them at school, like, oh, you're. Your mother's stupid. Like, well, your mother's hair is stupid. What do you think of that? Yeah, but I'll get in trouble from that. I'm like, not really. It's not dirty, you know, it's not your mother's or something.

[C]

Right?

[B]

You really want to get. But if some kid with your kid, you want to teach them how to fight back, you know, verbally, at least, not physically.

[C]

I think my aunt taught me something like that years ago. She told me to say they call someone ugly or something like that. It's like, at least I'm not ugly. And you say it to someone's face. I'm like, that's really mean.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Call someone ugly.

[A]

Especially like little kids, that breaks them down.

[B]

Yeah, That's a good one.

[C]

10 year old kids.

[A]

That's good, that's good.

[B]

At least I'm not ugly.

[C]

Because I was. My argument to her was I should say, well, at least I'm not ugly like you. And she's like, no, they'll know, they'll know.

[A]

Well, she taught them to bark at cyclists.

[B]

Yeah, they bark at people.

[C]

But that's. That's a. That's your joke, right? Isn't it?

[A]

No, no, no.

[C]

I thought it was like one of your jokes or something. No, just a bark. Like a dog.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So they roll down the window and there's like, there's someone on a bike and then they go. And they bite bark. And then if someone's standing on the corner smoking, they go, look at this. Wow. Yeah.

[B]

Well, I want to train them that riding your bikes in the street is stupid and smoking is bad. And that's how you do it. You go, this guy's an idiot. This guy's a dummy.

[C]

What if you see a guy who's smoking on a bike?

[B]

Well, then that's a double whammy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You idiot.

[C]

You never see that anymore.

[A]

Apparently there's a couple. Not even. It really is. There's a couple ultra marathoners right now that openly smoke.

[C]

Really?

[A]

Yes, Guys that do.

[C]

Honey, that actually makes me feel good because I will have A cigarette once in a while, you know, like every maybe once a week or sometimes less or more, you know?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Even if I'm golfing, I'll have a cigarette, right?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Because my friend who I golf with, he smokes a lot, but it's like, I don't feel like it's hurting me.

[A]

No, no. Once every once in a while.

[C]

I don't know, you know? But to hear that, though, that's, like, inspiring.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How do you do just one? Because I. I had to quit all of it when I was 30, but.

[C]

I just have a thing. I can't get addicted. I just can't.

[B]

Oh, you're lucky.

[A]

Look at this psycho.

[B]

Nice.

[C]

But that's different. Chain smoking.

[A]

No, no. But there's a. There's a. I'm telling you, there's a guy who's a photographer. He's a photographer and ultra runner, and he smokes.

[C]

Smokes. Like, he's a smoker.

[A]

He's a smoker.

[B]

That's awesome.

[C]

See, that, to me, doesn't make any sense.

[A]

That's crazy.

[C]

That seems, like, so crazy. Waiting to. You're trying to say, how can I die?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, there's some guy who was, like, an adventuring dude who. I don't know, one of those mega guys who breaks records and stuff. He was snowshoeing across Antarctica and he kept trying to do. He kept upping the level. He would do, like, how much he'd be by himself. All this just. The metrics kept increasing, and eventually one day he did. He died. And I feel like the whole thing was he was just seeing how. What it would take to kill him.

[A]

To kill him.

[C]

Yeah, because at one point, I think he ate. He's eating these, like, protein bars, right. But they were frozen, and he chipped a tooth while eating it and somehow, like, perforated his bowel. And he had to get flown to Chile for some, you know, because from a bowel perforation, from being malnourished, all this stuff. He's in the hospital, but he's, like, super happy because he found a limit. He found the limit.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But also then he did die.

[A]

Okay, cool.

[C]

But it's definitely. It was definitely a case where the guy was like. He's trying to see how I. What will it take to kill me?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Well, it's just like.

[A]

That's a certain segment of the population, though. Yeah. They all, like. There's a segment that wants to know how far they can.

[B]

Like those cave divers that you hate.

[C]

Oh, my God. Those Guys insane.

[B]

They hate themselves.

[A]

Them and the. Oh my God, what's it called? The parkour people. But the ones that do it on high rises, they'll do a flip on a high rise and you're like just.

[C]

They're just waiting to die. Or the wingsuit guys. Yeah, those wings. But those wingsuit guys, they all know. They're like, yes, I will die doing this. Yeah. Like, I can't wait to die doing this.

[A]

It's so fun.

[C]

They kind of got a point.

[A]

Yeah. If I could 200 miles an hour. Yeah.

[C]

God, I would be like, yeah, this would be a great way to go. Yeah, like what a great way.

[B]

You won't just coast down and land gently.

[A]

Well, they do for a while.

[C]

And if you make a mistake or some sort of weird air pattern hits.

[A]

Here's the thing. Some of them, they get. They get tired of like the. Or bored by. Here's open. This is open terrain. So then they start go, I'm going to fly between buildings.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Whereas the guy that did it, like between the. The, like the pillars on a bridge, he was going like 200. Like he went like right through them on one of those wingsuits. He. No, he made it.

[C]

Oh, he did.

[A]

But I'm saying that's how you die, right. If he miscalculated that it. It's immediate death.

[C]

There's a lot of. A lot of opportunities to die.

[A]

There's a lot of ways.

[B]

Free climbing. Like those idiots.

[C]

Free climbing thing, man. That's just insane.

[A]

Are you. I gotta show you because you missed our. Our first one today. I gotta show it to you. If you don't have a picture in your profile, then don't even bother measuring me. If you're black, don't missing me. If you're overweight or slightly overweight. Dome environment me. If you have a boyfriend or a fiance or husband, don't even bother making me. If you have a kid or kids even if they don't live with you, don't even bother making me either. Other than that. Other than that, we're good.

[C]

Other than that. If you want to come in my house and have sandwich with what I have to give you, you better not have big shoes. I don't want to have old little feast. If you come in here if you want it. If you. You bet I. You better not have glasses. You have problem with he do hearing. And you can't be covered.

[B]

If I have.

[C]

If you want to. I want to make you dinner, but if you want to be fatty, you.

[A]

Can'T Wait, come the. The standards that he has are just unbelievable. Right? Yeah, you got to be.

[B]

You can't be black.

[A]

Thin.

[C]

Yeah, I love that. He's just like, right away, no blacks. Yeah, just racist out the gate.

[A]

It was after profile photo. So it settles you in. You're like, oh, no photo. I get it. And he's like, yeah, black problem. Just immediately overweight or slightly overweight.

[C]

You can't be both.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You can have one thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But you can't have it all.

[A]

You can't have it all. Well, he can. Look at him. He has it all.

[C]

Is this guy have more stuff?

[A]

I don't know. Your plug.

[C]

You can't even speak.

[A]

His name is Kevin Curtis White.

[C]

Do you think he has maybe, like, maybe he's copying someone?

[B]

I feel like he's not so interesting.

[C]

I think maybe it's not his idea.

[B]

He didn't originate the. The plan.

[A]

This is a really interesting. I didn't see this. Oh, okay.

[B]

Tester, tester, mesher.

[A]

What's going on? That second video. That one. Hello. What? What are you here looking for? What are you looking for on here? Okay. All right.

[C]

There's a possibility this isn't real, right?

[A]

I don't know. Here's the description. I got that the single female fans.

[B]

In Morris county read it as him. Would you?

[C]

Any single female in the Morris County, Jersey area want to hang dog beside me. Must Live New Jersey, 18 year older, disabilities or disabled.

[A]

Oh, that's nice.

[B]

Hold on.

[C]

Maybe he's. Wow. I just thrown off by that straight. No kiss. You're bisexual. Never been married. No kids. No black.

[B]

No, still no black.

[A]

Threw black in there again.

[C]

Yeah, but not just the way he says it.

[A]

No black.

[C]

No black.

[A]

Yeah. No. Overweight or slightly black.

[B]

Yeah, no black.

[A]

Right.

[B]

He says like an Indian guy.

[A]

He likes to go to the movies. He works at shoprite, which is a supermarket chain in New Jersey. He actually posts his phone number.

[B]

Well, someone's got a call. Are we calling?

[C]

I want to just say hi.

[A]

He has deleted the comments. He really does not like black women. But disabled is fine. So, yeah, that is. You can be. You can be severely disabled, just not black.

[C]

I feel like this is a guy who works with a guy who's slightly more. This guy's 80s. He works with a guy who's like 90s in IQ.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

And that guy is like, oh, hey.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

He's all like this. I'll tell you what I don't like. I don't like this. I don't like that. If you want to date me? You cannot be one of these things. And he's like, I want to be like. I want to be like Jim.

[A]

100%.

[C]

I want to be like jam. I want to do that. Like Jim.

[A]

Yeah. Jim's got it together in here.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You know, Jim is like, you can do magic tricks on Jim. Yeah, you can test for sure. Like, do finger tricks. He's.

[A]

Oh, what the hell? Jim just doesn't have a speech impediment. Yeah, he's definitely like. He's like, black broads, no, thanks. And he's like, got it. No black. No black.

[C]

Yeah, it's definitely the copying thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I want to be cool like Jim Jason.

[B]

We call him.

[A]

No, I don't think it would go well.

[B]

I just saw your ad.

[A]

Yeah. But if you're like, I'm black.

[C]

If you call him and say, you just be real sweet, you know? Hey, I want to meet you. Hi. Hi, is this Kevin? Hi, is this Kevin? Oh, my God. I saw your ad.

[A]

Can you call him real quick?

[C]

Here we go.

[A]

Let's see. I'm so scared. The wireless customer you are calling is not available. Please try again later. Of course, of course.

[C]

No voicemail.

[B]

No. We'll move on.

[A]

Bummer, man. Such a bummer.

[C]

It's like fishing. You just got to keep going.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, wow.

[A]

I got some stuff to show you.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, for me?

[A]

Yeah. Everybody. Here we go. Oh, there's people up there. This was the.

[C]

This New York City.

[A]

This is in Brooklyn, I think. Yeah.

[C]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Mistakes. Mistakes.

[C]

There's people up there crashing.

[A]

It is crashing.

[B]

Yeah, I know. I love when people state the obvious.

[A]

Holy. That's. That had to be on purpose.

[C]

Did you see the person just fall all the way down?

[A]

That was like, a month ago.

[C]

Yeah, I remember this happened.

[A]

Was it a boat from Mexico? Is that what it was?

[C]

What's that flag?

[A]

Yeah. Mexican Navy training. Yeah.

[B]

Whoa.

[C]

Mexican Navy training?

[A]

That's what it said. Yeah.

[C]

What kind of. What kind of training is that? Training due to do a reenactment or.

[A]

Something collide with the Brooklyn Bridge. Result, two deaths, injuries, at least 19 others. The ship, which had been open to the public for four days, was in the process of leaving its pier when the incident occurred. Hit more show more damn. Collided with.

[C]

How do you say that?

[A]

No, wait. Yeah.

[B]

I have to pee so much hard. I'm so sorry. Pardon me. I'll be right.

[C]

No problem.

[B]

Don't. Don't say anything.

[A]

Okay, okay, okay. Just sit here quietly.

[B]

Sit here quietly.

[A]

Go to the Contributing factors.

[C]

I think it was the bridge was the main factor. I think that was the contributing factor.

[A]

That was the ship was backing out of its pier with the help of its hug boat when it began to accelerate and drift north, possibly due to the combination of wind and current. Okay. And the bridge, that was the other.

[C]

Huge bridge being lower than the height of the.

[A]

The map was probably the.

[C]

The main thing.

[A]

Yep. That'd be great if the. The report comes out. Turns out the bridge is too low for this boat and that's what the problem was.

[C]

Also, I bet it's a thing where like, they don't know how to sell those because it's such an old boat, you know, I mean like, they, they don't. People don't know how to sell.

[A]

Do you know how to sail?

[C]

I don't even know how to say I have sailed.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

But I don't feel like I couldn't like sail a boat though.

[A]

No, I couldn't either. I've been on a few and I feel like every time the people who know what they're doing start doing it, I go, yeah, yeah, I'll just sit over here.

[C]

Yeah. It's so cool though. It is cool. I mean, that's the best thing there is, sailing. Yeah. If I could, that's what I would do. I would just disappear.

[A]

How long you think it would take to actually learn how to do it? Well, Oh, I think years really.

[C]

Especially to have like the knowledge you don't, you know, you don't die.

[A]

Don't die.

[C]

You can deal with. You can deal with like situations that are.

[A]

There's that guy. I was following him for a while. I just kind of forgot about him that. I think he started it on Tick Tock where he. He was sailing.

[C]

Solo sale.

[A]

It was it solo sale.

[C]

I saw that guy.

[A]

Yeah. He was going first to Hawaii maybe, or I don't know if it was like around the globe.

[C]

There's a couple guys. There's a guy I talked to years ago named Sam and he's a sailor. He's a lot of these guys who do solo sailing. But this guy.

[A]

But this one, this guy with the Tick Tock was like. I think it was like his first time, right? Like he.

[C]

Oh yeah.

[A]

He just learned to. He just was like, oh, yeah.

[C]

Which seems insane to me.

[A]

Me. 2400 mile sailing voyage from Oregon to Hawaii with. Yeah, with his cat. He quit his job, used his retirement savings to fund the trip. Documenting it on social media lasted 25. It was his first time sailing outside of a river Is he dead? No, I don't think so.

[B]

Cuz I follow him on the talk.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[C]

But he probably made a bunch of money from this. I bet.

[A]

You think so?

[C]

Yeah. You know, everybody got like a bot of. Because he's. He's filming so much of it. He's probably got some endorsements or something like that. I mean, or maybe he has a Patreon or something like that. People are donating to his cause.

[A]

That's very cool though.

[C]

I hope so.

[B]

I think cat likes being on a tiny boat.

[C]

I think cats do like boats.

[B]

They love water. Cats love to swim.

[A]

Cats too.

[B]

Yeah. You didn't know that?

[A]

No. Duh.

[C]

Cats are always actually, I heard they'd hate water.

[B]

No. Oh, no, they're sea cats. Yeah, they love it out there.

[C]

It's like a sea doo.

[B]

Exactly. And you can ride them the same way.

[C]

That's really giant sea cat.

[A]

Yeah. I didn't know that. Learn something every day. Oh, here you go. Damn.

[B]

Yo. Hey. This is terrible.

[C]

She just walk away.

[A]

Yeah. That's so nuts. And it. And then this person just got so lucky that they were up enough high on the hood. Yeah. Because if they had been lower down, they would have just felt the impact that. Is that crazy? Yeah, they're like tripping. See? Oh, yeah.

[C]

She's very lucky.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Damn.

[A]

Fine. Wow.

[B]

Okay.

[C]

This is a Honda commercial.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're definitely dollar tree. They ran into a dollar tree.

[A]

Yeah. You're going to jail for sure.

[C]

Maybe. It might get away.

[A]

Could. Yeah, that car is fine.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, not fine, but working. It's running still. Jesus.

[C]

Can't bust it.

[B]

There's Tanner. Oh.

[C]

Oh, no, no.

[B]

Off.

[C]

Why are you showing this?

[B]

Is that you, Tanner?

[C]

I thought that was me for a second.

[B]

Just like him.

[A]

I didn't know that was there.

[B]

Ah, this is terrible.

[C]

This is like.

[A]

That's your. That's like Budapest Got Talent.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This feels like.

[C]

What's that? Miami quarterback. This is like two with the helmet off. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah, that was bad.

[C]

Two. Two of the.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

Dolphins quarterback.

[A]

How did he. He landed on his face or something.

[B]

Oh, Yitzniki Snick. Yeah. This is literally. It's talent. I don't know. No replique.

[C]

No problem. He is fine.

[A]

That sucks.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All right. That wasn't a good one.

[B]

That was great.

[A]

All right, here, this will. This will get you feel better.

[C]

Today was such a confidence boost for me. So nervous leggings outside of the house and today I wore them on camelback mountain hiking. Okay. Two groups of people. And they actually complimented me, so. Oh, pouch leggings for the win.

[A]

Nice.

[C]

Is there a link in the. Link in the bio.

[A]

Can we get these pouch leggings?

[C]

I wouldn't mind some of those.

[A]

I was gonna say this feels like something I could see you doing.

[C]

Yeah. If they make this, they make a no bull version.

[B]

No bull.

[C]

No bull.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

No bull. Dude, dude, Take it out on a hike. That'd be great.

[C]

Yeah, I mean, it kind of would be fun if you. I don't know.

[A]

He met two groups of people that complimented.

[B]

I mean, were they gay? Gay guy groups. Because women are not gonna say, hey, nice pouch. No, no, woman.

[C]

They're not. Why not? Don't women like penises?

[B]

They love penises.

[C]

I last I heard, women like penises.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Why wouldn't women tell them, great job as a woman. I think you like a penis.

[B]

That's true. There's certain type maybe some gals would like.

[C]

So you tell me that's not sort of sexy, that's sort of weird and kind of like what's going on here? I'm scared of this guy because he's. He's basically naked, but he's the worst part of naked with the. Like, somehow you combine the worst part of naked with the worst part of clothing. Yeah, right.

[B]

That's so true. There's nothing worse than a legging, especially on a man. And then a penis pouch.

[C]

A penis.

[B]

Please buy this and wear this on like Runyon Canyon and make a video of you. Terrifying girls. Terrifying 20 year old.

[A]

Hi, ladies.

[B]

Hi, ladies.

[C]

Oh, God, I have. I get in trouble.

[A]

Tip of the cap.

[C]

Oh, you have to have it. Have a fedora on too. And stop and go like, my ladies, please pass by.

[A]

I don't know if you notice my pouch leggings.

[C]

Please don't notice. I am at 3/4 mask right now. Please don't mind me. You're making. You're taking me from half three quarters.

[A]

There you go. Men's thermal underwear pants. Thermal bottoms. Long John bottoms with separate pouch.

[B]

Now let me ask you guys, honestly, do you. Do you wish you could separate out your junk from the rest of you? Because it does get sweaty and sticky. Would this not help that problem?

[C]

You, like, separate it? Like have, like, detach it?

[B]

No, like a pout. Like this. Always have a pouch.

[A]

All pants have pouches. Would that be a nice thing?

[B]

Right?

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I bet this is more uncomfortable to separate your stuff. I bet it feels really weird. Unless you're. Unless you like it. I don't think it's I bet it feels so weird that you would be like cost every step. You know if you have shoes that are too tight, every step is like ah yeah, yeah. You're thinking about it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'll be thinking other images cuz look how they're the poses.

[A]

Uhhuh.

[C]

So they have other.

[A]

Oh yeah. Wow. A lot of room for activities.

[C]

No rolling down.

[A]

So many activities.

[C]

Special crotch design. What is there different colors at least? Cuz the black is like, you know, you. It's so you can't see the.

[A]

I'm going to get. I'm going to get a pair.

[B]

I'm getting a pair of.

[A]

Yeah. Pouchwear. Maybe I'll start a pouch wear line.

[B]

That's a great.

[A]

Just pouch stuff. Yeah.

[C]

What if it also has a pouch in the back so you can shit in them and it's just. You can shit in the pouch and it fills it so it separates the. From the rest of the thing. So you can have to take your pants off. You just keep walking.

[A]

Keep walking. Yeah. And then does it. Does the pouch open so you can leave it.

[C]

It has option. Yeah, you can't. If you want, if you want to evacuate and go, you can. Or you can. You can vac and stack.

[A]

Vac and stack?

[C]

Yeah. Vac and stack.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

The stash.

[A]

That's.

[B]

That's a great idea.

[A]

That is really good.

[C]

I have always wanted that.

[B]

Or you could contain it in a bag like the Diaper Genie. Like you shit into the bag and you just kind of keep it there for later. I don't know, until you're ready to dump the bag.

[C]

I used to think that was for real when I was a kid, like that's how astronauts did it. So I was like if you're in a spacesuit you must. What if you have to go to the bathroom? I was like, oh, there's probably like a special thing that like like.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

Takes your.

[B]

Yeah. Well isn't there?

[A]

How do they dump out there?

[C]

They just don't really. No spacesuit.

[A]

Oh wow. I'm saying when you're on the space station they have to have like they.

[C]

Have a special bathroom. But it's not like that special. You know what I mean? It's kind of like, like you're not like shooting into like a special machine. It's just like a. Honestly, you know what? I don't know.

[B]

Is it like a funnel?

[C]

I think it's.

[B]

Let's do.

[A]

Let's do toilets on the space.

[C]

But I realized like, like wait, it's been so long since I've seen it. I don't remember.

[B]

Is it like when you go to the dentist and you spit into that?

[C]

See, I don't think it is that.

[B]

That funnel.

[C]

That's what would be. See, that's not that. It's not that special.

[A]

Right. But what did it. What does it say?

[B]

It does look like a turlet but.

[A]

Like it says, is equipped with specially designed toilets to accommodate the unique conditions of space. These toilets use a vacuum system to collect waste, preventing it from floating around. System uses a fan driven suction to pull urine and feces away from the body into the collection containers.

[C]

But it's got to be just right.

[A]

And then do you get to shoot it out into space? Oh, I hope because that sucked to bring it back.

[C]

I bet they bring it back.

[A]

Oh it is. They burned up in earth. Oh wait. Collected in bags and eventually burned up in earth's atmosphere when the cargo ship returns to earth.

[C]

Sure.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Then it does.

[B]

And I bet you got to have a turd on deck when you sit down. Down. Like there's no leisure.

[C]

What if you don't have a turtle? What if you don't have. What if you're loose?

[A]

Like get your magazines.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Start reading.

[B]

Like those people that were just trapped in space for months and months and months.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Like they maybe they could take leisurely dumps because they weren't working. Prepare for my DOM session with me. So the prep for this session starts the night before because this man likes to be on. If you are new here. Yes, we do this every single month. Lol. I wanted Jamaican food, so we got Jamaican food this time. Of course I have to try to eat it all. If you know about Jamaican food. This was so much food, but I did my best and ate everything I could. Next I drink my ginger root tea before taking some probiotics, some digestive pills to keep everything moving. Next morning I wake up, take a.

[A]

Laxative and then I wait an hour.

[B]

Before heading to the hotel. Once I'm at the hotel, it's a real quick session. About. About 20 minutes in and out. I do my thing and then I make a bag.

[A]

Always a bag.

[B]

Since y' all was saying that I was capping in the last video, I decided to provide the receipts. So there's the deposit, the food receipt, the food return and the remainder of the bag.

[C]

Yeah, obviously she can't have possibly falsified this. Those are all. That's all proof. That's all proof that it happened. 100. I want to make a video that says like all Right. It's. It's time again. It's time when I go and on this guy for 500 bucks.

[A]

Dude, that video.

[C]

I'm gonna make it. I'm gonna make one.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

It's like, you guys didn't believe me. You thought I was capping, but here we go.

[A]

Here we go. Look.

[C]

This is money.

[A]

Yep.

[C]

How could I have got this money other than on a man?

[A]

Here's receipts.

[C]

These are receipts also.

[B]

When you pay somebody, it's all in like 20, 20, 20, 20. And then. I don't know. I don't know.

[C]

There's literally no.

[B]

I mean, it's like, oh, but. But also too. As somebody that's taken laxatives for like, colonoscopy or whatever. Oh, you. You've got.

[C]

I just got one last week.

[B]

Oh. But it takes more than an hour. Like, she drank that laxative. She's like. And then an hour later, I should. I'm like, not really. Unless you're taking like the high powered colonoscopy.

[C]

She's a professional.

[A]

You know what this lady needs to hear. She's to hear from this guy. Stop being afraid to tell a no, no, no.

[B]

I ain't having it. Jesus Christ.

[C]

Is this the marathon runner who smokes?

[B]

He's had some intense shades on. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. He always has pretty cool shades on.

[C]

Shades he's got.

[A]

He just exposing all these down lows. That's all the he did. Just showing.

[B]

I hate when his tits.

[C]

Is he doing that on purpose?

[B]

Yeah. Though.

[A]

What's really going on? Of course.

[B]

Do you do that when you talk?

[C]

I don't know.

[A]

That shave line. That shave line is very, very clear. Right. Mad because they showing how kinky and nasty and filthy that damn industry is.

[B]

That's all that is getting exposed.

[A]

No, you don't flex that much when you talk crazy. They got this DLS and downloads.

[C]

Dls.

[A]

Y' all need to let that man go. Let that man go. Go home to his family, doing his thing.

[B]

Nobody give a party. Like, did he stop playing with me.

[A]

There you go.

[C]

Yeah, he was at the parties.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

He knows about those parties.

[A]

Yeah. It's one of the few people who's out there being like, come on, man, let him go.

[C]

Let. Did he go? Did he did it?

[A]

Who's it? Was this the guy I was looking for?

[B]

I think so, yeah.

[C]

This guy's South African. I just feel like he's South African. He's got to be.

[B]

I know. I was from Colorado.

[A]

Colorado. He's a smoker.

[B]

He's a smoker. And a photographer.

[C]

See, look at that chest, though. He's got that ultra marathon runner chest.

[B]

Super wide.

[C]

Like he's like. That's like a future human. Like a Martian.

[A]

Incredible, man.

[B]

Well, it's just genetics, kid images.

[C]

Oh, it's definitely that.

[B]

It's my oncologist was telling me, like there are people who have lung cancer didn't smoke a day in their lives, and then people like that smoke forever.

[A]

Fine, fine. Running ultra marathons. Sounds. Yeah, it's incredible, man. Here's some of your faves for Johnny right here.

[B]

This is my uncle Steve with his pet.

[C]

That's a cougar, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Listen to that thing.

[C]

Jesus Christ.

[B]

Portuguese?

[A]

No.

[B]

Wow.

[C]

No, that's the why.

[A]

No, that's insane.

[C]

I mean, he had to have raised that from a tiny thing.

[B]

Maybe it's sedated.

[A]

No, it's on drugs. I think it just knows him. Yeah, he's super comfortable with it.

[B]

Oh, thanks.

[C]

Those things are cool, though.

[B]

They are beautiful.

[C]

I do want to die by a puma at some point.

[B]

That's a way I'd rather do that than extreme sporting of any kind, like petting a puma, sleeping with one, and then you wake up, or it wakes up in the middle of the night forgetting where it is, and then it just kills you. Kills you.

[A]

Yeah, they go right through the throat.

[C]

Oh, yeah, those things are killing.

[A]

It's in your sleep. You're like, great.

[B]

That's how I want to die in my sleep.

[A]

It's an awesome dream to go out.

[B]

On, but real talk, if I get like so sick again and this time it's like stage four cancer, like, just get me a pet puma.

[A]

Done.

[C]

Clip this pet puma, please.

[B]

Just let it run through the house and be like, today could be the day what a semi dried tomato is. They've been concentrated enough that they are bitter and sweet at the same time. They have big flavor, an easy chew.

[C]

And you don't have to do anything to them.

[A]

Nothing.

[B]

You have to do anything to them. You don't have to reconstitute, shoot them, Worry about their salt content or anything like that.

[A]

Okay.

[C]

This is Rachel Ray, right?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. So Rachel Ray, I mean, it's all over the talk. It's just something's going on here. And this is a. She looks better. Like she actually has makeup on and she looks okay, but something's going on. And I like, what is it? What do you think's happening here? Because there's not the same person that.

[A]

Semi dried tomatoes, that's what's going on right now. Easy chill.

[B]

What an easy chew. Like, what is what Is this true?

[C]

Well, people, I think so. She's definitely got something in her mouth. Yeah, right. I just try chewing on a little fin. A little fin puck.

[A]

Oh, there's more of her.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

I lived in New York as a very young woman.

[A]

I was very, very poor, and I.

[B]

Didn'T want to bother my mother.

[A]

I didn't want her to feel scared for me. Money.

[B]

Because I would never ask for money, and I didn't have any.

[A]

Eventually I did a show called $40.

[B]

A Day, and that was my budget for a whole week. I would buy a week's food, and.

[C]

I only had $40.

[B]

I always felt so grateful that I came from people.

[A]

This make me uncomfortable. Can I go to the next one?

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Is it sickness or.

[C]

Wow.

[A]

Hi, babies.

[B]

This is Julie. Follow me. Oh, this.

[A]

Oh, she's got. She's got her die dye on. This is.

[B]

Live alone.

[C]

Is this her or is this. She's, like, servicing the people who want this.

[A]

I don't know. She's got her di dye on, though. How do you feel about adult diaper play?

[C]

I mean, I don't like it.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

I don't want to do it, but, I mean, I don't know. It's probably better than buying a gun.

[A]

True. Yeah.

[C]

Better than buying, like, a gun and using it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. If you're, like, in public, if those are your two options, it seems like.

[C]

That might be the two options.

[A]

Yes.

[C]

You have to either, like, it'd be fun.

[A]

At the end of this video, she's like. And I chose this over gun.

[C]

Over. Over shooting up a place that people I don't know are at.

[A]

So now I wear my dye dye to the movies.

[C]

I did not dig up my mother and kill her again. Now I do diaper. Instead of killing my father's remaining friends, I'm doing diapers.

[A]

I make a poo poo in my die dye.

[C]

Make a poo poo. It feels good.

[B]

Oh, my God. Why are you wearing a mask in 2025? Boy, we're. We're in a. We're in a pandemic. Oh, we are not in a pandemic.

[A]

What is that?

[B]

Are you laughing at me? No, I'm coughing. Sorry. I. I'm sick.

[A]

Well, good one.

[C]

Hard, hard life.

[B]

What are you thinking?

[C]

I. I always think that those people are just. It's, you know, it's like you found something. Found something to be about, and it's got to be hard to be that person.

[A]

And you need. And you need to be about something.

[C]

Yeah, yeah. You know?

[B]

Yeah. Either you're an obese Disney adult trying to fit into rides, or you're like the mask person that's like, Covid's not over identity.

[C]

Get into Legos.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[C]

Legos are awesome. They're expensive.

[B]

They are awesome. And you can build massively impressive things even as an adult.

[C]

You can make your own. You can chart your own course.

[B]

Yeah.

[C]

Do you remember that on the menu? Red Lobster.

[A]

Oh, Chart your own course.

[C]

I remember one of the hardest I ever laughed in my entire life. This is like forever ago with my family. My parents did not want to go to Red Lobster. My dad does not like that at all. And we were like, we saw the commercials. Can we please go to Red Lobster? And my dad and my mom took us to Red Lobster. My dad's like fucking hating it, right? Just hating it. We're in Red Lobster and it's. My brother gets the menu. He's probably like 12 years old and he's looking at this section. He goes, excuse me, I like this order from the section of chart your own course. Like, that's the subheading is chart your own course. Oh, my God. Just that, like that, like write that style of writing, you know, like.

[A]

Big.

[C]

Time shareables or hand grabbables that you're just like, ah, fucking kill me. You're surrounded by grease. Everything is so covered in butter, like you can't even walk because the tiles are slick with butter.

[A]

Butter. It's true.

[C]

And you're underground. Like in some, like Minnesota, like Subway. It was like underground.

[A]

And your dad's just like, let's get the out of here.

[C]

Like to chart my own course.

[A]

Funny. What was their che. The cheesy bread.

[C]

Oh, cheddar bay biscuits.

[B]

So good.

[C]

Yeah, those are famous.

[A]

Sorry. Cheddar bay biscuits.

[C]

Cheddar bay biscuits. Yeah, it's the classic. Oh, it's that cheddar from Boston that. That back home cheddar.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They still have a Red Lobster. That was good.

[C]

There's a few think that Red Lobster got tanked by private equity.

[A]

Yeah, I think there's a few around, right?

[C]

There's a few.

[B]

Yeah. All those 90s restaurants really were great. Claim jumper. You got your Sizzler, your chilies, your Applebee's, your. Well, yeah, Steak and all. You can eat shrimp.

[A]

Oh, my God, my dad, what did he love? Friday's Fridays.

[C]

Friday, TJ Fridays.

[A]

Fridays is good. They got the steak and shrimp. Jack Daniels. Steak and shrimp.

[C]

The Jack. I remember liking the Jack Daniels.

[A]

He was like, great deal, you know, 27. Oh, my God.

[C]

That's so funny.

[B]

But that was so good. Yeah. It was reasonably priced, and it was a big night out.

[A]

Where you want to go, buddy? Fridays.

[C]

Chili's Fridays.

[A]

Yeah, Chili's.

[C]

We would never get to go Applebee's. Applebee's was the big one. And where I grew up, yeah, Applebee's was new. It was in its own building on the side of the mall. It was always packed. It was packed. Like, you'd be lucky to get to Applebee's. You have to know somebody.

[A]

I got to connect.

[C]

You have to know somebody to get in Applebee's.

[A]

You dialed in at Applebee's.

[C]

I know a guy I work with Matt. At the club. Yeah, at the club. Hey, I know this guy.

[A]

Saturday, I get you on a Tuesday, Remember?

[B]

Black Angus or Outback Steakhouse?

[C]

Outback, yeah.

[A]

You would go to do the Brea improv from LA all the way to Brea on the 60 east, there was a Black Angus, and for years, the G was unlit. So every time. Black Angus, no G. Yeah. The G was gone.

[C]

Black. No way.

[B]

Yeah, it was awesome.

[A]

Always, always from the highway, you would see black anus. Yeah. That's what you saw for years. First time I saw it, I was like, oh, yeah, it'll be black anus. Yeah.

[C]

Yeah, they're gonna fix it. Nope, black anus.

[B]

No blacks, though.

[C]

There's probably someone who works.

[A]

Don't by message me. Don't if you're slightly overweight. If you have a. If you have a husband or boyfriend.

[C]

On black Enid, you're enunciating way too much.

[A]

If you have kids, even if they don't live with you, don't marry me.

[B]

Oh. It says overweight people publicly weighed and ordered to slimmed down in Turkey, which I think is wonderful.

[C]

Yeah, that sounds like a really cool government.

[B]

I love it. I shout out to Turk the Turks. This is what we need to be doing in America.

[A]

There you go, man. There's a lot of things we got to be doing. That's one of them.

[C]

Definitely. That'll be fun to watch that pan out.

[A]

Yeah, that'll pan out real well in the US Of A.

[C]

The entire state of Mississippi. It's like. Well, you guys are just all under house arrest for years.

[A]

Yeah. All right. We got a wrap, though.

[B]

I got an appointment.

[A]

Go see Johnny Pemberton on tour. It's Johnny Pemberton, dog for days. He's coming back to play Thaddeus in Fallout.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Fantastic movie. When? As soon as you can see Mermaid, go see it. And of course, he's in Bad Thoughts, which is streaming on Netflix right now. Always great to see you, man.

[C]

Always. Always a pleasure.

[A]

Thank you for coming. All right, bye, guys. You thank. Bye. I'm whispering a little bit because my woman is sleeping. These are three day worn panties.

[C]

Panties.

[A]

Direction achieved. Direction achieved. Direction achieved. Direction achieved. This is giving me a boner. This is giving me a boner.

[C]

A 19 year old girl.

[A]

Girl. Dark hairy asshole and dark pussy. Teenage panties.

[C]

And I also paid extra for her.

[A]

Not to wipe her pussy after this because I'm monopolizing her vagina. Right? Right.

[B]

Shit mixed with piss mixed with fucking teenage pussy juice.

[A]

Or the bum cold. Let's give it a whiff. Direction achieved. Direction achieved. Direction achieved. Direction achieved. This is giving me a boner. This is giving me a boner. Oh, that is pungent.

[C]

You can smell some with a.

[A]

That was not wiped after pissing. Her panties have a very similar smell. Pungent.

[C]

Nasty.

[A]

Nasty. This is happen, boys. This is happen, boys.

[C]

I paid extra for the three days of wearing.

[A]

I never tipped women. I never tipped women because I felt like I was the tip.

[C]

Let's give it a whiff.

[A]

Direction achieved. Direction achieved. Direction achieved. Direction.