A Message From Our New President w/ Special Appearance by Donnell Rawlings | YMH Ep. 784

Summary

Podcast Summary: Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura | Episode 784

Title: A Message From Our New President w/ Special Appearance by Donnell Rawlings
Release Date: November 6, 2024
Hosts: Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura (YMH Studios)
Special Guest: Donnell Rawlings

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1. Introduction and Tour Announcements (00:00 - 01:02)

Tom Segura kicks off the episode by announcing his upcoming tour dates:

• San Diego at Pachanga Arena on November 8
• Phoenix at Footprint Center on November 9
• New Orleans at Lakefront Arena on December 7
• Pensacola at Pensacola Bay Center on December 8

He directs listeners to tomsagura.com for tickets.

Christina P. humorously greets Alex with holiday planning banter, highlighting the use of Instacart's family carts to simplify holiday shopping.

---

2. Balancing Family Life and Podcasting (01:02 - 04:29)

Tom Segura and Christina P. discuss the joys and challenges of raising a family alongside their podcasting careers.

Christina P. shares:

"Yes. We raise family. This is better than marital love. Way better than all the stuff we do together." (01:15)

Tom Segura reflects on his recent work:

"It’s so much fun to have been a part of developing this thing, writing it, and now producing and acting." (03:33)

They celebrate Tom’s creative expansion into acting, directing, and producing, with Christina P. praising his dedication and success.

---

3. Satirical Presidential Segment (04:29 - 08:49)

The hosts engage in a comedic skit imagining a new president, "New Christine," discussing inappropriate clothing and presidential quirks.

Tom Segura jokes about the president's attire:

"They’re real lightweight. Now, I need about six pairs for summer wear." (05:31)

Christina P. mocks the president’s fashion choices and operational inefficiencies, leading to humorous exchanges about inappropriate behavior and presidential decorum.

---

4. Special Appearance by Donnell Rawlings: Cactus Care (08:49 - 10:10)

Donnell Rawlings makes a special appearance to discuss cactus maintenance. He humorously details his experiences with different cactus species, emphasizing proper watering techniques.

Donnell Rawlings explains:

"You just repotted it in this terracotta pot. The soil that it came in was really not good." (09:16)

Tom Segura and Christina P. playfully critique the segment, highlighting its absurdity within the podcast's comedic framework.

---

5. Movie Discussions: "Woman of the Hour" and "Lake George" (12:16 - 27:22)

The hosts delve into recent film releases, offering their insights and critiques.

"Woman of the Hour"

• Christina P. describes it as a Megan Fox movie centered around a robot version of Fox serving a grieving single dad.
• Tom Segura elaborates on the ethical implications of robotic companionship and sexual relations, questioning:

"Would it be cheating if you had a sex robot?" (15:22)

"Lake George"

• Tom Segura praises it as a neo-noir film featuring Shea Wiggum and Sherry Wickham’s characters embroiled in criminal activities, recommending it highly.

---

6. Current Events: Menendez Brothers and Garth Brooks Allegations (27:22 - 36:25)

Tom Segura and Christina P. discuss recent developments in high-profile legal cases.

Menendez Brothers:

• Tom Segura summarizes the narrative, highlighting allegations of child abuse that may influence a recent recommendation by LA District Attorney George Gascon to resentence Eric and Lyle Menendez.
• Christina P. expresses concerns about their actions despite the abuse, emphasizing the complexity of their case.

Garth Brooks Allegations:

• Tom Segura outlines serious allegations from a former makeup artist accusing Brooks of sexual assault.
• Christina P. prompts discussion on the gravity of these claims and their impact on Brooks' reputation.

---

7. Personal Updates: Christina’s Cancer Treatment and House Flooding (36:25 - 44:00)

Christina P. shares her ongoing battle with cancer, detailing her radiation treatment schedule and a recent incident where her closet flooded due to faulty plumbing.

Christina P. updates:

"I'm almost done with this fucking terrible treatment." (37:23)

Tom Segura empathizes, discussing their shared experiences with health issues and household emergencies, fostering a sense of camaraderie and support.

---

8. Physical Health and Comedic Banter (44:00 - 85:58)

The hosts engage in light-hearted, albeit irreverent, discussions about their physical appearances and health challenges.

Flat Asses:

• Christina P. and Tom Segura joke about their flat buttocks, intertwining humor with personal insecurities.

Fart Walking:

• Tom Segura shares his unusual experience of "fart walking," leading to Christina P.'s comedic contributions and hashtags like #FartWalk.

Comments on Aging and Celebrity Health:

• The hosts critique aging celebrities like Frankie Valli and Phil Collins, blending humor with observations on performance quality and health.
• Tom Segura sarcastically discusses Frankie Valli's relentless touring despite health issues, using it as a metaphor for perseverance.

---

9. Representation and Diversity Discussion (85:58 - 91:17)

Tom Segura and Alex delve into topics of racial representation within their podcast and broader media.

Alex raises concerns:

"Why do you have any black people on your shelter?" (85:23)

Tom Segura responds defensively, emphasizing the importance of diversity and acknowledging the need to support black voices and communities.

---

10. Closing Remarks and Final Banter (91:17 - 99:17)

The episode concludes with a mix of humorous exchanges, shout-outs, and slapstick moments.

Tom Segura and Alex engage in playful mockery, discussing new ventures like Alex’s podcast and maintaining their signature comedic style. Christina P. wraps up with light-hearted comments and a final nod to their listeners.

Tom Segura thanks their listeners:

"Thank you to everybody for listening, watching. Thank you to Donnell Rawlings for giving us the latest in black news. And we will see you guys next week." (99:21)

---

11. Notable Quotes

• Christina P.:

  "We raise family. This is better than marital love." (01:15)

• Tom Segura:

  "It’s so much fun to have been a part of developing this thing, writing it, and now producing and acting." (03:33)

• Christina P. on Megan Fox Robot Movie:

  "It's basically like a dildo with a personality and a hot face. Is that cheating?" (15:03)

• Tom Segura on Garth Brooks Allegations:

  "He claims the accuser demanded hush money and the allegations are aimed at harming his reputation." (34:42)

• Christina P. on Radiation Treatment Magazines:

  "I've been thumbing through it. It's all warped and wilted." (40:09)

• Tom Segura on Aging Celebrities:

  "If you could, you know, you just don’t want to be the guy to, like, negate." (73:40)

---

12. Conclusion

Episode 784 of "Your Mom's House" provides a blend of personal updates, current events discussions, comedic skits, and light-hearted banter between Christina P. and Tom Segura. The inclusion of special guest Donnell Rawlings adds an extra layer of humor and diversity to the conversation. Throughout the episode, the hosts maintain their signature comedic style while addressing serious topics with their unique twist, making it an engaging listen for both regular listeners and newcomers.

Transcript

[Tom Segura]

This week, I will be in San Diego at the Pachanga arena on November 8, and I'll be in Phoenix at the Footprint center on November 9th. Next month, I'll be in New Orleans, Louisiana, at the Lakefront arena on December 7th, and I'll be in Pensacola, Florida, at the Pensacola bay Center on December 8th. All the tickets are at tomsagura.com tour well, welcome.

[Christina P]

Welcome to your mom's house, Alex. Do you like canned cranberry sauce, or should we make it ourselves?

[Alex]

That's my mom.

[Christina P]

She didn't know about Instacart's family carts. So are you having pecan pie this year, yes or no? Oh, and how many boxes of stuffing? So I told her we could just share a family cart and add all our holiday favorites to the same order without losing our voices or our sanity. It's so much fun. Alex, can you get my holiday village out of the attic? Baby steps, Alex.

[Tom Segura]

Baby steps.

[Christina P]

Shop Instacart this holiday season and enjoy free delivery on your first three orders. Service fees and terms apply.

[Tom Segura]

Alex, welcome to another episode of your mom's house. It is great to be back in studio. We have been working hard outside of here. It's always fun to come back.

[Christina P]

This is my most favorite thing that we do.

[Tom Segura]

It is so together.

[Christina P]

Yes. We raise family. Yes. This is better than marital love. Way better than all the stuff we do together.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And having a family, this is so much more fun.

[Christina P]

So boring.

[Tom Segura]

That's so much more work.

[Christina P]

So much and so tiring.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Tire all the time.

[Tom Segura]

If you were like, we want to swap out family for more podcasts, I'd be like, absolutely.

[Christina P]

Absolutely.

[Tom Segura]

Killer, man.

[Christina P]

Yeah, dog.

[Tom Segura]

Congratulations to the new President of the United States. Good luck.

[Christina P]

Anyway.

[Tom Segura]

Anyway. So much going on. So much has happened since we've been in here. There's a lot to cover. We've just been very busy. I've been working on my series.

[Christina P]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

So I've been in production.

[Christina P]

It's been nice having you home.

[Tom Segura]

It's been very nice. I've been thrilled. I haven't had a time off the road like this, like, where I'm still working, but not in that capacity in a long time.

[Christina P]

I know you're. You're a traveling salesman for a living.

[Tom Segura]

I travel all the time. And this is really nice to be shooting in Austin.

[Christina P]

Oh, my gosh.

[Tom Segura]

You know, and, like, getting to go to work, like, sleep in your own bed, get up in the morning, go to work, come back, take a shit. Take. Yeah. I always shit. Yeah.

[Christina P]

And I Will say, and I've said this to Agent Jeans and to the executives that came to visit your set the day I was there, that I have never seen you this happy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Ever. Truly. And I really hope you continue to make television or film or whatever it is, because I. You, you work these 12 hour days, 14 hour days, 6, 7 days a week, and you come home and you're thrilled.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And you're never complaining and you're never, like, upset. And I have to say, I don't want to. I'm not going to talk about what the show is, but I think this is the culmination of 20 years of you in comedy. I think it is by far the greatest thing you've done creatively because it's all the things you wanted to put into a project. And I'm so stoked for people to see it. And I think it's going to be huge. I think people are really going to love it.

[Tom Segura]

Well, that remains to be seen, but I will say that I am having a really good time and I do find it really fulfilling. Like it really is creatively fulfilling. It's so much fun to have been a part of developing this thing, writing it, and now producing and acting. And then I got to direct some too, which I'd never been able.

[Christina P]

You know what's great is you're an.

[Tom Segura]

Actor, director, writer, producer, choreographer, you know what I'm saying? I dance and a dj, you know, I mean, and just like I'm a multi hyphenate, you know.

[Christina P]

You are that guy now.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

But you legit are. And I, I will say that I got to watch you direct. I came to set.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And I was, I was like, this is where my jeans should have always been. This is the perfect pair of jeans for you.

[Tom Segura]

It is pretty nice.

[Christina P]

I'm thrilled that you found it.

[Tom Segura]

It was fun. And I know, you know, I took advantage of the fact that it's my show. And I was like, I've always wanted to direct because I knew if I was like, hey, can you get me a directing job? Everyone would be like, no. So on this one, I was like, hey, I want to direct some. And they were like, okay. So I just took advantage of it.

[Christina P]

And that's how you do it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And that's how you do it, kids. You build the opportunity for yourself. I think that was brilliant of you.

[Tom Segura]

It's exciting.

[Christina P]

You're a brilliant man. Psalm Cigar. I'm glad I married you. The one. You're the winner.

[Tom Segura]

I'm glad I married you. Too, Gene.

[Christina P]

Really?

[Tom Segura]

Of course. There's so much to. We really have a lot to cover today. So much, dude, that I feel like we should just get into it. Can we get into it?

[Christina P]

I'd love to show.

[Tom Segura]

Let's keep it presidential for the opening. Here we go.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Mr. Hager. Yes, Joe Hager. You all made me some real lightweight slacks.

[Tom Segura]

And they're real lightweight. Now, I need about six pairs for summer wear. Now, the pockets. When you sit down in the chair, the knife and your money comes out. So I needed at least another inch in the pockets. Now, another thing, the crotch down where your nuts hang is always a little too tight. It's just like riding a wire fence. When I gain a little weight, they cut me under there. So let's see if you can't leave me about an inch from where the zipper ends around under my back to my bung hole. All right, then if you get those to me, I would sure be grateful. Where would you like to stand, please? The White House.

[Alex]

This is big time.

[Tom Segura]

Who is Randy?

[Alex]

Don't bring anyone loving to this. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura and Christina.

[Christina P]

Welcome to your mom's house.

[Tom Segura]

What President Johnson.

[Christina P]

I love. I didn't know I liked him so much.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

You know what I like when he's.

[Tom Segura]

Like, I'm back from my bung hole.

[Christina P]

Yeah. But I know what he's talking about. That line that goes. It goes. It cuts under my cooch sometimes, too, and I hate it.

[Tom Segura]

Imagine if you had a pair of nuts down there, dude. Well, you might soon, right? Well, considering it.

[Christina P]

I am considering now that I've had the double mastectomy, I do have implants, but I could go flat and I could go through with the hormones and everything and be the man I've always wanted to be.

[Tom Segura]

Could be. It's just a matter of who you are and who you want to be. The.

[Christina P]

Can't wait.

[Tom Segura]

The cool thing about Johnson is, first of all, proud Texan. We're happy to have you. Yeah. He was known to like. He. He called his penis jumbo and he would show it to people. And he also. I think he had a shower head installed in the White House for his asshole. He was like, I need to something to wash my asshole out.

[Christina P]

That's what we believe in.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Pretty cool guy.

[Christina P]

I'd be voting for him today.

[Tom Segura]

Pretty cool. I like that he belched on that call.

[Christina P]

So do I. Yeah. He is a man.

[Tom Segura]

I'll be grateful. Where do you want to send White House? It sounds Just like it sounds like the guy that maintains the yard.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Calling for it. You're like, who is that? Oh, that's the president. United States.

[Christina P]

The belch was a tad disrespectful.

[Tom Segura]

It just was.

[Christina P]

I mean, yes, I make phone calls on the toilet as I'm peeing and. But I don't burp into the phone with Brandon.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, Merch guy. Pretty crazy, man. Speaking of presidents, we actually got a message from our president, so why don't we just go ahead and take a look at that before we go any further. Welcome back, Christine. I'm glad you're feeling better.

[Alex]

I love you and Tom to together.

[Christina P]

You guys are so, so hot. Thank you guys so, so much for making me the president. I had so much fun with you.

[Alex]

Guys, like watching the special needs chefs.

[Christina P]

And then fat people at Disney. Oh, and then what was that guy's name? Duncan. Duncan with the p. I'm already so hard at work, you guys, being the president. I think what the podcast needs and the office is sexy.

[Alex]

Those little clips that you guys do, it's way sexier.

[Christina P]

And then why don't you guys just play videos of like cactus?

[Tom Segura]

We need it.

[Christina P]

I think that's what's gonna make it thrive. I think that's what the viewers want. So.

[Alex]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Anyway, new Christine, new president, signing off.

[Tom Segura]

That's crazy. I never thought of that.

[Christina P]

What does she want?

[Tom Segura]

Videos of sexy, sexier stuff. Most. First of all, which makes sense, we should have sexier content. And then cactus stuff, which we'd never even. We've never discussed.

[Christina P]

We mean cactus stuff. I don't like the plant. Like cactus. Is that what she's saying? I don't even understand what that is.

[Tom Segura]

There's videos here for us to play. I guess that she flagged.

[Donnell Rawlings]

This is for all the cactus loving, content people out there. This is my newest cactus. I picked it up for $7 the other day. I believe this is the blue candle cactus. And I just realized I've said cactus like three times already. How can I like this thing? It is super cool. Like, look at that. It's just. Yeah, it's pretty sweet. Has all these little thorns or spines. They're pretty pokey. Gotta watch out for them. I just repotted it in this terracotta pot. The soil that it came in was really not good. It wasn't a well draining soil. So I put it in a new cactus mix that's got lots of perlite and it's just a well draining mix. Now I want this to be in my Self fishing window. But I can't just put it right there in full sun otherwise.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Donnell Rawlings]

We're probably going to get a little bit of burn. So I'm going to put it off to the corner here.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, very.

[Donnell Rawlings]

A little bit of morning direct sunlight. But I think it'll do well in the spot. And then once it acclimates to this location, then I'll put it in full sun. But otherwise I think that's me it. Thanks for watching. See you.

[Tom Segura]

That's cool, man. I didn't. First of all, I never knew that if you put it in direct sun you could burn.

[Christina P]

It was a cactus. Is it. Doesn't it live in direct sun?

[Tom Segura]

Why are you being.

[Christina P]

I mean, it's so stupid. This is stupid. We're not going to put cactus. Cactus cacti in the office. Is that what she wants us to.

[Tom Segura]

Do and inform the audience about it? Yeah.

[Christina P]

Oh my God. This is such a dummy. Dummy idea.

[Tom Segura]

No, it's not just dummy, Tom. Do you guys think it's dumb?

[Christina P]

No. Definitely not. No. Really? No. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I'm pretty engaged. I'm not gonna lie. That was a pretty cool fact.

[Christina P]

It's pretty cool.

[Tom Segura]

It is. Wanted to know about more about cactuses. It's pretty cool. Yeah.

[Christina P]

But he did.

[Donnell Rawlings]

I'm gonna show you how to water a cactus. This is my blue candle cactus. And it's just soaking up all that extra spring sunlight. Down here is a pincushion cactus. Beautiful pink blooms right here. It looks absolutely gorgeous.

[Tom Segura]

Gorgeous.

[Donnell Rawlings]

First thing you want to look for is to make sure that the soil is absolutely bone dry. And sometimes you might even see a little bit of wrinkling on the plant like this one. That just means it's dehydrated and needs a good thorough watering. Don't be scared to give these plants a lot of water. As long as they're in an appropriate soil as well as a terracotta pot with a drain hole. Then you shouldn't be able to over water these. You can see there's a little bit of kind of bubbling here. It's just dry air pockets. So I'm going to keep giving it water until the water.

[Christina P]

That's how you do it. Until it comes thoroughly saturated.

[Donnell Rawlings]

I do have another one here as well. Same thing. It's in a cactus.

[Christina P]

What's it gonna do?

[Donnell Rawlings]

It's in a plastic pot, but it does have drain holes. So I'm just gonna let that drain through until it comes out the bottom. Sometimes you might even have to let it soak in. A container just so it can get saturated. Otherwise, that's all you do. Thanks for watching.

[Christina P]

See ya.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I could tell you right now, speaking for the audience, they're going to want a lot more of this, so I would.

[Christina P]

This is so dumb. Nobody wants more cactus content. He's not even sharing actual information about the cactus.

[Tom Segura]

He just showed us, first of all, how to manage sunlight and how to.

[Christina P]

Water it, like five times. The same information over and over.

[Tom Segura]

It's very.

[Christina P]

I think the audience gets it, guys.

[Tom Segura]

I don't think they get it.

[Christina P]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

So pull a lot more cactus videos.

[Christina P]

Will do.

[Tom Segura]

And also a huge thank, obviously, to our president, New Christine.

[Christina P]

President Stupid tits. You know, her tits are big and fake, too. I can bake tits like that, too. Big fucking deal.

[Tom Segura]

I can buy them when you get like this. It's so unattractive.

[Christina P]

What are you talking about?

[Tom Segura]

Just let her guide us.

[Christina P]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you, New Christine, and thank you for your guidance.

[Christina P]

It's really rude. This is rude. You know what? This brings me to my first topic I would like to discuss. Tom. I watched a Megan Fox movie. Subservience. Subservient. It's a. Spoiler alert what I'm about to say. Okay, guys, but. But see if you can tell where this is headed. It's Megan Fox, who's a big fat dog.

[Tom Segura]

Ugly.

[Christina P]

Yucky.

[Tom Segura]

Yucky. Is it a good movie?

[Christina P]

I'll tell you that in a minute. But here's the deal, man, is that it's a Megan Fox robot that you can hire to live in your house and take care of your kids and do your laundry and cook and clean. What do you think's gonna happen to the alone guy, single dad who has the Megan Fox robot in the house? What do you think's gonna happen?

[Tom Segura]

I think his PE is gonna grow at some point. Does it.

[Christina P]

Spoiler alert. He.

[Tom Segura]

Her. Ah.

[Christina P]

And his wife. His wife's in the hospital and he's lonely. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Why is she in the hospital?

[Christina P]

It's a fantasy. She needs a heart transplant.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, boy.

[Christina P]

I know. So it's heavy, right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And he's all sad because he's so. He's super horny and, like, his wife's being all lazy in the hospital with her heart stuff.

[Tom Segura]

He's probably grieving too. I mean, cut him a little slack.

[Christina P]

Yeah, he's grieving and he's horny.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Of course he doesn't know how to deal with the emotions of the trauma.

[Christina P]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

And so sometimes they channel through you differently, you know, through your Peer. Sure. And then you're like, oh, there's a robot here.

[Christina P]

Exactly. Not only that, a Megan Fox robot. And she's like, she's all like, tom. She's all like, I want what you want. Whatever you want makes me happy. I serve you. And so his boner grows and grows. And then one day duty fucking busts nuts in her. And then what do you think happens?

[Tom Segura]

There's a baby robot grow inside of her.

[Christina P]

I wish. No, the wife finds out how.

[Tom Segura]

So she getting her heart transplanted.

[Christina P]

She did. She gets a dumb baboon heart or whatever.

[Tom Segura]

She comes home, she's like.

[Christina P]

And then the robot overrides her programming and becomes kind of a. She's all. That's my family now. Like, come on, we saw that coming.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P]

Anyways, so wife finds out.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And she's all. She's all, put that robot in the basement. So then now Megan Fox is downstairs in the basement. Husband comes home, he's like, what's up, babe? She's like, you tell me. You the robot.

[Tom Segura]

You Megan Fox. Stop.

[Christina P]

That's great. So I was kind of like, big deal, big diff. It's basically like a dildo with a personality and a hot face. Is that cheating?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, it's a robot. Is it? I mean, that's okay. Do you think the. What's it called, what's those like fuck sleeves that people.

[Christina P]

That's what I was thinking about.

[Tom Segura]

What are they called? Fleshlights.

[Christina P]

If your fleshlight had a personality.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And like a hot face on it. Does that change the nature of the masturbation?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I guess it changes it in that it's. You're. You're upping the game. Right. It's like it's becoming more real to your brain.

[Christina P]

Right. Then does it become cheating if you. A sex robot? And then I started thinking because it's. It's got serious philosophical implications.

[Tom Segura]

No, it does it. Does it? Yeah.

[Christina P]

Would it be cheating if I had like, you know those life size flesh dolls that these pervert guys get and they're heavy as she's. This one's £200 and he just like lays it on the couch and it. And then.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Puts her vagina in the dishwasher to clean it out. What if I had a robot, Carl. And he's in the closet?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And I was like, all right, Tom, I'm just going to go fuck Carl. I'll be right back.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, like it's.

[Christina P]

First of all, what would that do to you?

[Tom Segura]

I know. Well, a couple of things. Is like any woman that has bought a, a doll robot, you're like, she's like, she's real fucked up. I think.

[Christina P]

Well, yeah, we've had female comics on here that would probably do that.

[Tom Segura]

Probably. I mean, I think it would like fill the role for a lot of people.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know, who don't have someone.

[Christina P]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

But it's still not a human being. It's a robot. So it's. But it sounds like what this is about is how convincing is the robot.

[Christina P]

Exactly.

[Tom Segura]

Because right now if you were like, I'll get the best version available. It's still going to be.

[Christina P]

Yeah, it's like Fall festivals are in full swing and let me tell you, pumpkin patches and corn mazes are getting more crowded and expensive every year. When you're in need of some chill this fall, I think there a superior option to the rest. Host a chill block party with neighbors and bring some Coors Light. Don't get caught up in the fall chaos. Savor the season, choose chill and then reach for a Coors Light. I know I'm planning to do it with all my neighbors. Nothing better than choosing chill and then grabbing a nice cold Coors Light. When the mountains turn blue, it's as cold as the Rockies. Coors Light is cold lagered, cold filtered and cold packaged for a smoother finish. When you embrace a chill mindset this fall, it's a good time to choose chill and crack open a Coors Light. Fall feels good when you choose chill and then reach for a Coors Light. Get Coors Light delivered straight to your door with instacarts by going to coorslite.com ymh Coors Brewing Co. Golden, Colorado Celebrate responsibly. Need a break from the crowded stores and endless gift lists? Restore your Zen and embrace the natural power of cannabis. This holiday season with Via. VIA is well renowned for their award winning THC and THC free gummies and vapes, THCA flower soothing topicals and calming drops. All crafted with the highest quality hemp sourced from trusted independently owned American farms. And the best part, VIA legally ships to nearly all states in the U.S. in discreet packaging directly to your door with a worry free guarantee. No medical card required. This mommy ordered her via and I have two different ones that I'm really into right now. One is just like a general calming and then one I use for sleep and it has been outstanding. I love the way they taste. I love their effectiveness. I cannot endorse Via more. I just love it. This holiday season, gift yourself some peace of mind if you're 21 and older, check out the link to VIA in our description and use the code ymh to receive 15% off after you purchase. They ask you where you heard about them. Please support this show and tell them we sent you this holiday season. Enhance your everyday with via. Wait, bring up those.

[Tom Segura]

And also, what's the guy. How is that the current best doll? You. It just goes like. It's just like a. It's a gun.

[Christina P]

You know, that's what the women look like currently.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, the dolls. I mean, would you be mad if I. That dollar.

[Christina P]

Okay. But if it looked like Megan Fox.

[Tom Segura]

No, no. Stop saying no.

[Christina P]

The. The doll. I'd be seriously worried for you.

[Tom Segura]

It's kind of worrying, but here's the thing. I guess if it looked human. More human, then you're like, well, what's. What are you doing this for? I'm like, what? It's a doll. I'm just a doll.

[Christina P]

Right? But then it. The more human it gets. Because Megan Fox is. Is programmed to be more human than you're like. But you're banging. You know, it's. It's human. Like, it's. So it's better to keep them creepy and inanimate is what I'm saying.

[Tom Segura]

Well, here's the thing, though. The appeal to the amount of people. Like the people who see the creepy dolls and go, like, yeah, I'm not interested. Like, myself. I'd be like, I don't want to fuck that thing. Right. You go, who. What would appeal to you? A more human one. But then it's still not human, though.

[Christina P]

I know, but I'm telling you, watch this movie.

[Tom Segura]

So is your. What's your verdict on it?

[Christina P]

Because at first I was like, why is this crying? Like it's just a robot. Like it's just a robot. But then it's the role that the robot takes in the family and then the emotional support that she provides. And then you're like, oh, like she's taking the place of a woman. Yeah, she's taking my place. And then I want to kill her. You know what I mean?

[Tom Segura]

I gotcha.

[Christina P]

Be like you.

[Tom Segura]

Well, it sounds like there will not be a Megan Fox doll in our house.

[Christina P]

No way. Oh, the problem too, is that the Megan Fox is his type. Ah, that's his type. So the mo. The woman, the wife.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

She's in the hospital. Megan Fox walks in the robot and she's like, the dude. I know that's your type. Ah, do you know what I mean? And that would Upset me if it was, like, a blonde. Oh, it's big tits, like our new president.

[Tom Segura]

What are you talking about? That's just. We're lucky to have somebody like that running this place. That's all. That's all business. You're confusing business with. Okay, so I want to check out the movie now. I just watched a movie last night. Woman of the Year.

[Christina P]

Is that good? What is that?

[Tom Segura]

It's really good. Anna Kendrick stars in it, and she directed it. Oh, she did a really good job, I have to say. She did a really good job. Isn't that what it's called, 2024? Yeah. Let's see. Yeah. Or Woman of the Hour. Did I say year? It's Woman of the Hour. My bad. Woman of the Hour. It's on Netflix, So it's based on a real story. And the real story is that in. Sometime in. I think in the 70s, that the dating Game, which was where a woman would sit normally as, like, the, you know, the featured person of the. Of the show, and she would interview. She would ask questions to three men behind a partition, and, you know, like, if we were to go out on a date, where. Where would you take me? Like, that kind of stuff. And then the three guys would give their answers, and at the end of the show, the woman would be like, I choose Bachelor number Two. Like, it would. It was that kind of show. And this really happened where in whatever year this was, Sometime in the 70s, I think one of the participants was a guy who was eventually discovered to be a serial killer. And he won. He was. He was the one.

[Christina P]

She was charmed by him.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I think, you know, they take some liberties in how it goes, but, like, of the three, you know, the way it's portrayed, I don't know if it's actually this way. One guy was a dum dum. The other guy was kind of a douchebag. And then this guy was sort of the. Of the three, the one who gave the most, I guess, charming or answers that just kind of made her go like, yeah, that's a good answer. You know, like that kind of thing. It was just, like, inoffensive. Like, he just kind of played it right. In reality, I know that in looking it up, the. What's the guy's name? I think it's Rodney.

[Christina P]

Rodney Alcala.

[Tom Segura]

Rodney Alcala. So in reality, the woman who chose the guy.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Said that, like, the date that was then. Because they give you a prize. Like.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah. He always cute.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. It always looks like they could have Killed as many as 130 women. But Alcala, she met him obviously like on the show and said that he was so off pudding that she just didn't go on the, the date.

[Christina P]

Wow. Yeah, she sensed it.

[Tom Segura]

She sensed something straight away was off about the guy.

[Christina P]

Well, I like how casting wasn't put off by him. Yeah, so. So they never went out on their date.

[Tom Segura]

They never went out on their date.

[Christina P]

So that's the whole movie.

[Tom Segura]

Well, the movie, I don't want to give away the movie. The movie depicts them meeting and then kind of her spending a little time with him that night and then her being. But first of all, her portrait, her directing of like how this story is told was phenomenal. The, the violence in the movie of him being the serial killer was so well done, like in a terrifying way. She, they. She really nailed it. I thought it was just, it was really good.

[Christina P]

Well, this sounds like a movie right up your alley. A serial killer, lots of violence. Love you also love love stories. You and I love the Millionaire Matchmaker. This movie apparently has all Tom Segura's favorite elements.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, this guy was a real goofball, this Rodney Alcala guy. But she really, she did a great job.

[Christina P]

She's great.

[Tom Segura]

She was great as the actress as well. She really portrayed it well. So highly recommend.

[Christina P]

Check it out.

[Tom Segura]

I also saw Lake George. I went to a screening of Lake George, which is a new movie starring Shea Wiggum and Sherry Wickhams. And it was really, really good. Like a neo noir take about these two who are both kind of midlife fuck ups who are basically thrown into a situation where they have to do participate in some criminal activity. And it's a really cool movie. I highly recommend checking it out.

[Christina P]

Che Wigham is in the Mission Impossible movies. If you guys don't know who he is and he such a talented actor. It's ridiculous. Very cool. Wow, look at us watching stuff, making stuff happen.

[Tom Segura]

Really good, man. Now some other things have happened. I think we should get into some of them.

[Christina P]

Oh my God.

[Tom Segura]

In the time that we have not been here, first of all, two infamous goofballs, the Menendez brothers. In the time that a couple things have come out, there's the Menendez brothers narrative, scripted story. Like a eight, nine part thing. I think Ryan Murphy did that's on Netflix, which is really good. He does, he's. That's his wheelhouse. He did the Dahmer one, he did the Versace one, he did the OJ one. Those like monster, like all your favorite stuff. Yeah, so it depicts that. And then at the, like a week or two later, they released the documentary, which is. Jesus Christ, is it. I don't. There's this thing about, you know, when you watch documentaries about things that happen in your life but that are 20, 30 years earlier, you've, you forget. Like, even when I watched the Last Dance, the Michael Jordan thing, I was like, oh, yeah, I remember this era. And then you're watching it and you're like, I don't remember. And like all these details, you know, like, I just watched the Lamps Armstrong story and I was like, yeah, I remember the Lance Armstrong story. But when you get the insight into the story, it's really like, fascinating. I did not recall so much about the Menendez brothers story. And it is cool. It is so difficult to get through that dock because.

[Christina P]

But that's why we got to release these guys back out in the world.

[Tom Segura]

You feel bad for them. The stuff that I'm talking about is the child abuse that they were victims. Like, here's something that's very telling when you watch the documentary about the Menendez. For those that are unaware, the Menendez brothers quite famously were convicted of murdering their parents. They were Beverly Hills rich kids that their father was very, very successful businessman, a movie producer. He ran Hertz at one point. Like he was very, very high level executive. And they murdered their parents in 1989 and were convicted of it in the, what, in 96, so many years later. It was a crazy, crazy thing in our culture if you weren't alive at the time or don't recall it. And then, you know, it's one of those things that they always been a reference in our lifetime of like rich kids entitled and obviously for eliminating your family. And so the story came back and you're like, oh, I remember the Menendez brother story. And then you watched it and you're like, oh my God, like, I don't remember all this. You watch the doc and you realize how abused these guys were. But this is my point. There's this one part in the documentary where they're interviewing the prosecutor, the prosecutor who's like, these guys are psychos. Like, it was a pleasure to put them behind bars. At one point in the, in the interview with the prosecutor, she says, well, I will say this about their father, their father who was murdered by them. She goes, the day he died, the world became a better place.

[Christina P]

Oh, wow.

[Tom Segura]

They couldn't find what that woman right there on the left. They couldn't find one person to be a character witness about the father during the trial. Yeah, not one person was willing to say a nice thing about him. She's like, he was a horrible piece of. About the victim of a murder. It's pretty, it's pretty telling that she actually says that. She was like, yeah, he was a horrific human being. That being said, here's the update for those that don't know. LA District Attorney George Gascon recently announced a recommendation to resentence Eric and Lyle Menendez, who were convicted for the 1989 murders of their parents. The decision could allow the brothers, who have spent 34 years in prison, a chance at parole. Gascon cited recent findings that under today's understanding of trauma and abuse, their claims of enduring years of sexual abuse by their father would have been taken more seriously. A new sentencing proposal, set at 50 years to life would make them eligible for immediate parole due to their age at the time of the crime. The potential resentencing has sparked mixed emotions. Many family members and advocates, including attorney Mark Garagos, support the recommendation, highlighting the brother's efforts toward rehabilitation. However, some family's members, like Kitty Menendez's brother, still believe the original life sentence is justified. So that's in the news. And of course, Kim Kardashian's involved.

[Christina P]

Is she?

[Tom Segura]

She is. She's. She's become an advocate for their release.

[Christina P]

Here's. There's so many. I mean, look, this isn't a black and white issue, obviously. There's so much gray zone. How old were they at the time they committed these crimes?

[Tom Segura]

19 and 21.

[Christina P]

Yeah. But look, here's. My initial instinct is, like, so many people are molested and abused by their parents. That doesn't mean you take, like, shotguns and blow away your mom and dad. Like, there's other things to do, like contact the police, child services. Like, there's a million other things they could have done. So I do worry about their lack of proper judgment.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

I mean, that is a pretty gnarly thing.

[Tom Segura]

It was really gnarly and extensive.

[Christina P]

Yeah. And I get. They were abused. I've. I know I had to stop watching the. The Netflix series. As much as I love Chloe Savini Nene and the guy that plays the dad is Javier Bardem. I love him.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

But I couldn't. I couldn't. I just. I can't take child abuse. Like, anyway, mom, thanks for sharing that story.

[Tom Segura]

You like that?

[Christina P]

Any other murder or serial killering we can talk about before we move on?

[Tom Segura]

I'm sure there's plenty.

[Christina P]

Oh, there is one special someone yeah.

[Tom Segura]

There'S some other big stories that have come about since we've been doing our thing and stuff like that. One of them is that the one and only Garth Brooks. Some of you know him as a very famous country music singer. He has come under serious scrutiny because of very serious allegations. And here is what is going on. Let the conversation begin.

[Christina P]

At this time of year, maybe you're looking back on all the amazing memories you have from 2024, especially if you're in love. Maybe you're already looking ahead to your plans in 2025. And maybe, just maybe, those plans involve getting engaged to the one you're in love with. For anyone about to take that momentous step, I recommend sourcing their engagement ring from bluenile.com Blue Nile is the original online jeweler since 1999. On bluenile.com you can create a bigger, more brilliant piece than you can imagine at a price you won't find anywhere else. Blue Nile also offers a 100% satisfaction guarantee with guaranteed free shipping and returns, then guaranteed service and repairs for life. And don't worry, every Blue Nile order is insured and arrives in packaging that won't give away what's inside. Right now go to blue nile.com and use code your mom for $50 off your purchase of $500 or more. That's $50 off with code your mom@blue nile.com blue nile.com I love a great deal as much as the next guy, but I'm not going to crawl through a bed of hot coals just to save a few bucks. It has to be easy. So when Mint Mobile said it was easy to get wireless for $15 a month with the purchase of a three month plan, I call them on it. Turns out it really is that easy to get wireless for 15 bucks a month. We use Mint Mobile at the studio and I'm telling you, it really was super easy to get set up with them. To get this new customer offer and your new three month premium wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com moment. That's Mint mobile.com mom cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month at mintmobile.com mom $45 upfront payment required, equivalent to $15 per month. New customers on first three month plan only speeds slower above 40 gigabytes on unlimited plan. Additional taxes, fees and restrictions apply. See Mint Mobile for details.

[Tom Segura]

Garth Brooks is facing serious allegations from a former makeup artist. She worked for them for over 15 years. Claims that he subjected her to multiple instances of Sexual Assault, 2019. The accuser details disturbing incidents, including an alleged assault where Brooks held her upside down by her ankles. Other accusations include inappropriate advance, inappropriate advances, and explicit comments that reportedly continued despite her objections. In response, by the way, she also claimed that he assaulted her at the Beverly Hills Hotel and then went to the Grammys, like, right after that.

[Christina P]

That's wild. Yeah, Like, I gotta go now. Yeah, that is a nice hotel.

[Tom Segura]

In response, Brooks has firmly denied the claims, labeling them as fabricated attempts at extortion. He claims the accuser demanded hush money and the allegations are aimed at harming his reputation. As part of his defense, he released the accuser's name and court documents, a move that has drawn public criticism. He asserts this disclosure was necessary to fully defend himself. Additionally, Brooks had recently listed one of his properties for sale, a decision some sources speculate could be related to the ongoing legal battle. I really like that. His legal team maintains the allegations are opportunistic. She goes into great detail, probably more detail than we'd want to read on this show, but if you are up for it, you can Google the. The makeup accuser, the makeup artist's accusations, and they. They are in real detail in the court documents, and you can see exactly what she is accusing him of. And I leave it up to you if you, you know, want to weigh in on what happened. Excited, scared, nervous, all the good things.

[Christina P]

What about the deposition? Can you talk about that a bit?

[Tom Segura]

No, I can't talk about that.

[Christina P]

Not even a little bit?

[Tom Segura]

No. What I feel like I should say is that you really should, in this case, just let this take its course. That's the right thing to do, honestly. G is G. And he, you know, this is obviously a very serious thing, and I feel like the right thing to do because I don't really know is to let.

[Christina P]

I feel like, you do know, the.

[Tom Segura]

Courts do their thing and let this take its natural course, and we will hopefully have much more to say after it plays out. So special, so rare.

[Christina P]

I mean, I just. It is wild that.

[Tom Segura]

It's pretty wild.

[Christina P]

We've been, you know, calling it for. For a minute, guys. This is not news to us.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So.

[Christina P]

Wow. Wowzers.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. I really like that. So C.P.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You have been in your treatment.

[Christina P]

Ugh. I'm almost done, guys.

[Tom Segura]

Almost done.

[Christina P]

Next Wednesday, my last round of radiation clap. God damn it. In there. I don't hear anybody. Thank you. I'm hearing it's been terrible. So I have 35 rounds, and then that'll be my last one, and then I can Be done with this for a minute.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, but you're not the only one that's been dealing with a lot of.

[Christina P]

What are you suffering with now? First, Invisalign.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, my closet flooded.

[Christina P]

I know. Just as bad as cancer.

[Tom Segura]

It kind of is when you think about it.

[Christina P]

It is.

[Tom Segura]

It was horrible.

[Christina P]

It was horrible. A thing burst and then the water came gushing down.

[Tom Segura]

Your guys. The guys were so. They're up there fixing. Because we had like a hot water issue. And then the next day, there's a leak from the exact spot.

[Christina P]

That's what it is. They.

[Tom Segura]

The guys came back, I was like, oh, what's going on? They're like, ah, there's like a gasket that it wasn't placed right or maybe it melted or something. And I'm like, that's. Is that's where you guys were? And they're like, I don't know. That did it. I'm like, yeah, but it was your company.

[Christina P]

They never.

[Tom Segura]

I gotta talk to Bob. I'm like, okay, that's. How do you think it was your guy's fault? He's like, I have no idea.

[Christina P]

Of course it's.

[Tom Segura]

Of course.

[Christina P]

We've been taking cold showers for a long, long time and they can't seem to fix it. So. Your closet flooded at 7:30 Saturday night.

[Tom Segura]

Thank God. 7:30.

[Christina P]

Oh, I know because I could have.

[Tom Segura]

Been taking a piss at midnight and.

[Christina P]

Been like, what is that? And then you're like, well, I was terrified because I didn't know if it was going to start an electrical fire.

[Tom Segura]

Of course.

[Christina P]

I'm like, fucking. The kids are all jacked and freaking out. And then we had to get your clothes out.

[Tom Segura]

It was the most exc. Writing thing in the world.

[Christina P]

They loved it.

[Tom Segura]

I called the house first thing. I. I'm just like, oh, I'm on my way home. And Julian's like, there's an emergency at the house. I was like, there's an emergency. He's like, is that why you're calling for the emergency? And I'm like, what the are you talking about? He's like, there's rain in your closet. And I'm like, what?

[Christina P]

There's rain.

[Tom Segura]

Let me talk to your mom. He goes, talk to me? And I go, no, not you. Let me talk to the adult.

[Christina P]

Yeah, he wouldn't let me talk to you.

[Tom Segura]

He ran away so far. He's like, I'm gonna manage the situation. I'll keep an eye on it. And he had like a flashlight pointed there. He's like, I'm watching it.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Good.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you.

[Christina P]

It was crazy. So I had the boys help me carry your clothes out so that they didn't get ruined. And it was just a sea of beige. It was so crazy. We just kept carrying out boring clothes. More boring than the ship before it.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, put it.

[Christina P]

So wait, can I give you my full radiation update?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, of course.

[Christina P]

Okay, so I'm almost done with this fucking terrible treatment.

[Tom Segura]

And then tell about your plans like what you did there though.

[Christina P]

Oh, yeah, okay.

[Tom Segura]

Thing that you noticed.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I forgot about this. So I sent this to Zolo. So when I started treatment, it's a lot of old people and some of them are like. Some of them are up to talking. Some of them are just so sick and they can't talk. And I feel like they only had like one issue of Better Housekeeping in the waiting room. And I was like, this will not do. So I've decided to seed the waiting room with different magazines. And I'm.

[Tom Segura]

Because you said they had poor magazines.

[Christina P]

It was literally one episode. One episode. One issue issue of Better Housekeeping. And I've been thumbing through it. It's all warped and wilted. And like, these are old people. They're not dead yet. They deserve quality magazines.

[Tom Segura]

Absolutely.

[Christina P]

So I'm starting out. I started out light. I brought in like the National Enquirer with like P. Diddy on the COVID of Vogue magazine. And so then there was one with Reagan on the COVID And surprise, surprise, the old folks love the Reagan issue. So that's a picture of the. It was open like that the other day. And then. And then yes, there's a video. There's Reagan, there's the Vogue I left. And then there's the ditty. Now I'm gonna ramp it up because this is my last week of radiation to somewhat soft pornography. And I'm. Should I do like the swimsuit edition? I've got an issue of Men's Health with like a shirtless, light skinned black dude. I think I'm gonna leave that. But what do you think should be my final magazine?

[Tom Segura]

Hustler?

[Christina P]

They don't know it's me. Should I drop full up, full up.

[Tom Segura]

Playboy.

[Christina P]

Playboy. Because there's a few old dudes. I don't know if you've got the.

[Tom Segura]

Image of the old guy right away.

[Christina P]

You don't think that's. Is there. Are there?

[Tom Segura]

Like, if you were really. If you really want to do something, I would go wherever. It's so hard to find like a good magazine stand. Maybe in some Grocery stores now, it's hard. I think some grocery stores still have them. If you find like a dedicated. Yeah. And I would get like, get. Get like a couple of gun magazines.

[Christina P]

Yeah, guns.

[Tom Segura]

Get some travel magazines. Then get some gossip stuff like people or whatever. Get some car magazines for the dudes. They always love that.

[Christina P]

But it's mostly women for breast cancer.

[Tom Segura]

And then. Well, then get, you know, you're abroad, you know what they like. And then get some. Yeah, get some like male physiques in there for them.

[Christina P]

Yeah, I'm gonna drop that. The men's fitness and one porn would be nice. And then one soft core. What about like lad mags? Do those exist anymore? Like Maxim?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know if that stuck around.

[Christina P]

Because here's the thing. These are older folks. They're going to be offended. I don't want them to be, like, appalled. I do want them to enjoy when I'm driving.

[Tom Segura]

Girl would be bro.

[Christina P]

Oh, yeah. Like Maxim.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

I could drop that and it's still a thing.

[Tom Segura]

Is that still out?

[Christina P]

I don't think it is.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Christina P]

Or something like that. Yes, yes. Okay, let's go.

[Tom Segura]

We get into subscription print versions delivered every two months. They do six a year.

[Christina P]

Oh, gosh, that was such a huge magazine.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, they don't print as much anymore, but yeah.

[Christina P]

So I'm super pumped about that. I'll be dropping again next week is the last week of treatment, so I think on Monday I can drop one and then my last day is Wednesday and I'm going to drop, like the hardcore one.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And then just bounce.

[Tom Segura]

You got to do one porn.

[Christina P]

Yeah, one porn. But here's the thing, and I wanted to ask you this. Maybe this is too dark of a subject.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

You can cut this out if you don't like this. So when you're done with your treatment, you ring the bell. There's like a bell. Ding, ding, ding. You know, like. Like that's a piece of shit restaurant you guys like in Vero Beach.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P]

It's like the. Anyway, some of those folks are not going to make it out. Do you know what I mean?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And so I feel kind of guilty. Like, is it smug of me? Because I am the younger, healthier to be like, nanny, nanny. I'm done with my treatment.

[Tom Segura]

If you're going to do it like that, it's kind of shitty. Yeah. And if you go, are you guys done or are you almost done? No. Maybe one day, or maybe you're just going to hear God ring as his bell. You're going home.

[Christina P]

God's got a ring your radiation bell? Yeah, because, like, I mean, look, granted, I got one of the longer courses, so I guess what it is, is, like, I. I have to know that I've got cred to do. I do have cred. I've been through a lot of the treatment.

[Tom Segura]

You can definitely ring your bell.

[Christina P]

Yeah, I don't want to be like, a about it and have them hate me maybe.

[Tom Segura]

Then don't do it.

[Christina P]

Okay?

[Tom Segura]

I don't think you would.

[Christina P]

I know, I know. But I worry that it comes off.

[Tom Segura]

As, like, you get to ring your bell. Right.

[Christina P]

That's part of the thing. I haven't seen anybody do it yet, but I'm excited to do it. Okay. And then. So this was the craziest thing that happened in radiation by far. This is so rad. And I can't believe I got a photo of it to share with you guys. So I'm sitting in treatment and whatever in the waiting room. That one I just showed you with the magazines. Okay? And. And you're supposed to go into the changing rooms. You change into a gown, and then you sit down and you wait for them to come get you to go back to the machines. So I'm sitting there and in. The woman comes out of the changing room, she's wearing the gown, and she's fucking barefoot.

[Tom Segura]

This is crazy, bro.

[Christina P]

Barefoot. Now, keep in mind, you've got immunocompromised people, like women in chemotherapy, they can't be exposed to filth. And then you should not be barefoot in this facility.

[Tom Segura]

Even if it were just a, let's say, has nothing to do with immunocompromised. Just the basic etiquette of you're in a waiting room for anything, a medical facility. It's like, if you were going to get your physical, it'd be crazy. Like, why don't you wear shoes?

[Christina P]

Well, so my stepsister's Indian. Hold on. Don't show it yet. And I texted it to Cindy, my sister, and she's like, dude, you just hate feet. Like, in our culture, it's fine to have your feet everywhere. I'm like, no, no, no, no. You don't get it. This isn't me being feet phobic. And people will accuse me of that. It's that this is a medical place. Oh, there's my buddy Sue. She graduated last week. And you should not have your feet out where people can get sicker from your feet, your filth. And not only that, this right here, there's a picture of her. She's walking in to change. This hippie chick. She sat down next to me in the waiting room, and she had bandages around her big toe and around her feet. So she had, like, open wounds.

[Tom Segura]

Why can't she just wear, like, slippers, bro? Sandals, something? Yeah.

[Christina P]

I was shocked and appalled. And I was like, oh, my God. Like, I to the staff, I was like, did you guys see the Barefoot Lady? And they're like, no, we've seen crazier things than that. I'm like, like what? Yeah, like what? Well, they radiate people's buttholes. You know that? Like, if you get asshole cancer, could you imagine getting your asshole radiated? I think about it every time when I'm in there, and I feel bad for myself. I'm like, at least it's not exactly.

[Tom Segura]

It's all perspective or your head.

[Christina P]

Because I see the cast that, you know, it's just terrible. But, yeah, this fucking bitch came in barefoot. I cannot believe it.

[Tom Segura]

I, I, by the way, I know Christina has been fired up about this lady for six weeks. Every time she's a barefoot lady walking Barefoot lady.

[Christina P]

I, I was blown away. I sent out a text.

[Tom Segura]

I do think it's a very strange choice.

[Christina P]

It's disrespectful to sick people, dude. Yeah, I was very blown away by this. I sent it to so many people.

[Tom Segura]

You don't have shoes.

[Christina P]

You have fucking shoes on, dude.

[Tom Segura]

She clearly does.

[Christina P]

She's. She was like a hippie Austin.

[Tom Segura]

Did she walk in with shoes?

[Christina P]

I don't know. So when. Because there's two waiting rooms, right? Like, the outer one and the inner sanctum. And she's in the inner sanctum. And I'm saying, like, guys, some days there are, there are comatose people who are so sick from chemo in the hallways. Like, people that are just on death's door. Like, you have to. You can't go in there and be disgusting. It blew my mind, dude. It blew my mind, bro.

[Tom Segura]

I get it.

[Christina P]

Anyway, that. Yeah, fire me up. Fire me up. Oh, my God, I love it.

[Tom Segura]

So that is Lara or Laura. She does, I guess she does only fans content. I don't know if she does regular porn stuff, but she does fart and poop stuff a lot.

[Christina P]

Good for her.

[Tom Segura]

She farts constantly in her Instagram posts.

[Christina P]

Good for her. Look, that's the best way to make a living. I've always felt if you're going to do an only fans or pornography, this is an easy lane.

[Tom Segura]

It kind of brings us to you.

[Christina P]

You'Re going to drop it right now.

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Christina P]

Go ahead.

[Tom Segura]

No, you go ahead.

[Christina P]

No, no, you share it with the world. Your new gift.

[Tom Segura]

Well, you're the one that observes it, so why don't you drop it?

[Christina P]

All right, you guys, this is the inventor right here, sitting across from me, of the Double Pipe Classic. You may remember it. Was it 2010? You invented this? It's in Wikipedia, guys. There's an actual Wikipedia devoted to my husband.

[Tom Segura]

Not Wikipedia, but like urban.

[Christina P]

Urban Dictionary of a Double Pipe Classic. My husband invented it. It's when you burp and fart at the same.

[Tom Segura]

It's very rare time.

[Christina P]

Very rare.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I had one this year, which.

[Christina P]

Was pretty crazy, which is really cool. We haven't had it in a few years. Something incredible happened two weeks ago and we can't stop talking about it, thinking about it. Go ahead, Tom.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I've been doing. You're talking about fart walking?

[Christina P]

Of course I'm talking about fart walking.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I've been fart walking more in the mornings and I've fart walked. I think we all have in life, you know. No, not like you, but I'm saying it's like you've walked somewhere and farted as you walked. And you're like, oh, this is happening. Whatever. You're on the street, you're going somewhere, and you're like, I'm farting as I walk. And it's. It's usually, I think, a pretty joyful experience. But what's happened lately is, I think because of my protein intake in the evenings is that when I wake up for like my sort of the pee before it's time to, like, you know, the last one, it's like 6:30 or so.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I. As I'm walking from the bed to the restroom, I fart walk the whole way.

[Christina P]

But what, you know, I don't know if you're conveying this properly though, is that you are able to fart on each step.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And you got about, I would say, five or six farts and steps in, which is, I think, very difficult, very rare. And if you're out there fart walking like it's no big deal. Go ahead and share.

[Tom Segura]

Well, the best part is that as I do it, I'm like. I'm always. I'm pretty pleased with myself as I do it. I'm like, this is pretty cool. And then you go, that's a real nice way to wake up because it'll be like your alarm, basically.

[Christina P]

It is my Every. Every morning you fart and wake me up.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I'm like, this is cool, huh.

[Christina P]

Guys? Hashtag. Hashtag fart walk. But it's not like that. It's. It matches your walk.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

So if you can fart walk, go ahead and tag us. Hashtag fart walk. Yeah, I want to see that. That's pretty strange. It doesn't happen very often.

[Tom Segura]

It was cool. It was very cool. I was actually quite pleased with it.

[Christina P]

And you haven't really been able to replicate it since? That's the trouble.

[Tom Segura]

I had a few days of it, yeah.

[Christina P]

Days. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It really, I think, is very much related to your consumption the night before.

[Christina P]

I think you're right.

[Tom Segura]

Whatever's happening in your digestive tract, I.

[Christina P]

Think it's related to protein powder. Especially for you because I've noticed your farts smell a certain way when you've been drinking those shakes that you drink. Those protein shakes.

[Tom Segura]

Had one today.

[Christina P]

Oh, okay. Well, maybe we'll get.

[Tom Segura]

I don't feel anything in my system.

[Christina P]

Right now, but if your fart is hot and tangy, I know that's a fish fart. You had some of those the other day. Hot and tangy.

[Tom Segura]

I had bad fish the other day, too.

[Christina P]

Yeah, I know.

[Tom Segura]

You were all day. Horrible.

[Christina P]

It's the worst.

[Tom Segura]

Horrible. It gives you PTSD in that. Like. I remember when I got food poisoning from salmon in Las Vegas 10 plus years ago.

[Christina P]

I remember it.

[Tom Segura]

I didn't. That time I avoided salmon for six, nine months. I was so. Yeah, just like. I just didn't trust it anymore.

[Christina P]

It's disgusting. Yeah, no, I know. It's like the time I puked up spaghetti Bolognese in 2006.

[Tom Segura]

It took me years to get back to have again. Right?

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

I remember every time I vomited this one me up.

[Tom Segura]

It was sea bass, which I love, but it definitely.

[Christina P]

You know what, too. It's so buttery and oily.

[Tom Segura]

Pretty rich.

[Christina P]

It could have been that too. H. So when's the last time you puked?

[Tom Segura]

No, I puked, I think earlier this year, but it wasn't. Not related to mine.

[Christina P]

Was October 30, 2019.

[Tom Segura]

That's your last vomit?

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Wow. You had that ready to go. You want to see some? Cool.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Check this out. Hello, Langley. It's Clayton Elbers, your favorite realtor with Remax Saber. Let me introduce you to my brand new listing at 206 E. Lake Crescent. Welcome to the Georgia Condominiums. Come on in and have a look.

[Christina P]

Stop.

[Tom Segura]

He's so Canadian. Yeah, this Two bedroom, two bath condo. Has all the modern luxuries, quartz countertops, stainless steel appliances, nine foot ceilings. Built in 2020. It feels brand new.

[Christina P]

It feels brand new. The shirt is. Is too tight and the jewelry is great. Look, I think he's got a great personality.

[Tom Segura]

He's got. He's got swag, for sure. I mean, I like him. I don't know if he is doing the shirt as a bit. No. Or if he's just like, yeah, this shirt looks good.

[Christina P]

I think he thinks it looks good because I'm gonna go. Even have two car tandem parking below.

[Tom Segura]

Please have a look around. Okay. Nice place.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

With this bright balcony and mountain view. You'll be doing tons of relaxing. As for me, Clayton Albert is your favorite realtor. We'll see you at the open house.

[Christina P]

All right, take care.

[Tom Segura]

Clayton Albert.

[Christina P]

I like Clayton Albers. Yeah, no, I'm gonna go.

[Tom Segura]

Those tats on his chest, bro.

[Christina P]

Zoom in.

[Tom Segura]

They are, right.

[Christina P]

I think that's part of his look, the chain.

[Tom Segura]

So.

[Christina P]

Yeah, those are tats. Yeah, that's why he wears it unbuttoned. So you see them.

[Tom Segura]

It's. Oh, it's quite open. I mean, that's three or four buttons open.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Because he wants you to. What? Can we tell what they are? Are those like Rihanna paw prints?

[Tom Segura]

Is that an animal? That.

[Christina P]

I'm saying it looks like a tiger.

[Tom Segura]

We're doing some research. Okay. That's unbelievable.

[Christina P]

I like him.

[Tom Segura]

The. I mean, he's definitely, you know, like I said, a. A charismatic dude. Yeah. Chain is definitely on point.

[Christina P]

Oh, he's tigers.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. He's a tiger and a lion.

[Christina P]

Oh, that's what he looks like, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, wow.

[Christina P]

Oh, this guy rules.

[Tom Segura]

He's enjoying Maui. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Hell yeah, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Clayton, that's your realtor.

[Christina P]

That's why he dresses like.

[Tom Segura]

Holy shit.

[Christina P]

He's trying to hide his freak. Dude.

[Tom Segura]

If he walked up to me, though, at the beach, he'd be like, I heard you're trying to sell your house. I'd be like, I'm. I'm actually. All right.

[Christina P]

I'm not telling you where I live.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That's how you want your realtor.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or do you.

[Tom Segura]

He's got a family.

[Christina P]

Yeah. He's cool.

[Tom Segura]

He's doing his thing.

[Christina P]

See, But I kind of like, you know how here in Austin.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

There's the lawyer that's got the dreads and he's on all the billboards and he's got the tats. Like, what if he. He's the first realtor to be tatted and gnarly. Like, I might go for him. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. I mean, he might be really good. I mean, he definitely. He's definitely on top of the social media. How big is this following on social? That's. This guy.

[Christina P]

No, that's. He's not everywhere.

[Tom Segura]

Hire that lawyer. You're out of your goddamn mind.

[Christina P]

Is he. He's my.

[Tom Segura]

He's gotta be the attorney that rocks off, dude. I don't want an attorney that rocks. I want an attorney that's a dork.

[Christina P]

Burns, bro. He burns. He's faded right now, homie. But personal injury.

[Tom Segura]

I want a non Christian attorney that takes no Christian.

[Christina P]

He has 10k followers.

[Tom Segura]

That's a good following.

[Christina P]

I'm telling you, he needs to lean into who he really.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, he also does jewelry. Licensed realtor, business owner. Custom jewelry. Yeah, there's like a tattoo. He might own a tattoo shop.

[Christina P]

Yeah, dude, he's selling grills, tats, gold teeth, Vancouver.

[Tom Segura]

He's doing. Oh, yeah, he's doing grills.

[Christina P]

Yeah. This guy's everywhere.

[Tom Segura]

He's got. He's a man. He's a hyphenate too. You know what I'm saying? I got.

[Christina P]

I'm a writer, producer, tattoo artist, real estate.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he's doing it all.

[Christina P]

He's doing it. Oh, that shirt fits him.

[Tom Segura]

He's a hustler, though.

[Christina P]

Yeah, he's good. I like him.

[Tom Segura]

The shirt's way too tight. Clayton, that shirt is insane.

[Christina P]

Yeah, Clayton, we're on your side.

[Tom Segura]

That's a better. Yeah, that's a better fitting shirt.

[Christina P]

That's good.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, everyone's worn a too tight of a shirt. We all know the feeling, of course, but yours is very tight in that one. I also know that feeling too, when you're like, you know what? I'm not going up a size that.

[Christina P]

I do it all the time.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you're like this. I'm not adding an X to the shirt.

[Christina P]

Can't do it on. Can't do it on principle.

[Tom Segura]

I am not a double xl. And you're just like, see.

[Christina P]

I've ordered things too small and then had to have, like panels put in so that I could fit. Because I'm like, I'm not ordering a size up. I am not a size 10. Damn it.

[Tom Segura]

No. Buy it all in the other and then have it all tailored.

[Christina P]

I do.

[Tom Segura]

I make these bigger.

[Christina P]

Such an idiot. I know I can't do it as a woman. My self esteem, by the way. Can we please fucking talk? Speaking of ridiculous about Al Pacino Yeah. I've been obsessed about this one for days.

[Tom Segura]

Al Pacino, one of the great actors of our generations.

[Christina P]

Is that his stupid sound?

[Tom Segura]

She's got a great ass. He does that thing and you're like.

[Christina P]

It was a scent of a woman. That was like the biggest movie. He plays a blind guy who's foul mouthed. Everybody loved that fire movie.

[Tom Segura]

And then they did this thing in Heat.

[Christina P]

Scarface.

[Tom Segura]

You know in Heat where he's. He's great in that. Where like years later they're like, yeah, he's. He's supposed to be on cocaine the whole time. Yeah, like that's the character.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But then they cut out the stuff they shot that were references and seeing it. So you just see this guy who's like, yeah. And they're like. And you're like, what the is going on? Like, he's on coke. Yeah. Why don't you show it, dude?

[Christina P]

That makes so much sense now.

[Tom Segura]

Implied. And they're like, yeah, I thought you'd know. I'm like, yeah, we, we know. He's out of his mind.

[Christina P]

I didn't know that. Now I've got to watch Heat over again.

[Tom Segura]

Heat's incredible. But he's just like. And this guy walk in, you're like, Jesus Christ.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah. They should tell you that information. That's kind of valuable.

[Tom Segura]

Cokehead. Oh. But anyway, back to great Al Pacino. Phenomenal talent is a new dad. He's also.

[Christina P]

Yay, guys. Clap for him. Clap in the booth.

[Tom Segura]

There's a lot of cool guys that do this. They're usually very successful. And the strangest thing, he found this sweet, sweet girl. She is 29. Yeah, he. There's a little age gap. He is 84.

[Christina P]

84 years young.

[Tom Segura]

That's a good way of looking at it. So I think that age gap would be 55 years. Did I get that right? I think it's a 55 year age gap. Yeah, there it is.

[Christina P]

But here's a nice thing about.

[Tom Segura]

I'm with the love of my life.

[Christina P]

Here's the nice thing about this sweet girl, this 29 year old, sweet, sweet lady, is that she's got a penchant for older actors or older dudes. Like she was dating Mick Jagger.

[Tom Segura]

Huh.

[Christina P]

Who was about that age too. And then wasn't she with Nicholson? I want to say, whatever. I can't find the Nicholson one. People were saying she was dating Clint.

[Tom Segura]

Eastwood for a while. Can you deny that another thing? Because it probably would. Okay.

[Christina P]

What a nice girl. This is dating all these cool, nice.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. So he became the new dad at 83. He's now 84. His now ex girlfriend, are they already.

[Christina P]

They split already. The baby's three months old.

[Tom Segura]

Fala welcomed their first child together. Pacino's already a dad to three adult children. The daughter. In March of 2024, Al Fala spoke publicly for the first time about her relationship all Al lives down the street from my house. We started spending every day together playing chess, watching movies. It was like film school with Al Pacino that. I bet that was fucking amazing.

[Christina P]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

I guess it just became something more. They are no longer romantically involved. Here's everything to know about her, okay? She's a producer. I'm a producer. You know what I'm saying? She was a producer. Graduated from University of Southern California Cinematic School for the Arts. It's a great program, by the way. Continuing her studies at the University of California, Los Angeles, where she obtained a master's degree in film and television producing. In 2018, she produced a short film called Brosa Nostra about a fraternity president trying to get his house to return to the Greek Row. At Southern California College. After graduating, she reproduced another short film. She executive produced the forthcoming feature Billy Knight, which stars Pacino, Charlie Heaton, Diana Silvers and Patrick Schwarzenegger, as well as the Apprentice, a film about the rise of Donald Trump starring Sebastian Stan. Okay, you can scroll down. So let's see. She welcomed their first son. We got that. Let's see if it has any backstory. They're just friends. Okay. She's been linked to other big names. That's what we're getting to. Let's see who she dated before.

[Christina P]

There she is, snuggling.

[Tom Segura]

I know. Mick Jagger prior to welcoming Pacina or welcoming a child. Pacino. She made headlines when she dated Mick Jagger when he was 74 and she was 22. At the time. Our ages didn't matter to me.

[Christina P]

No, of course.

[Tom Segura]

The heart doesn't know what it sees. It only knows what it feels signing it. And you're right. In 29. In night. In 2019, Al Follow sparked romance rumors with Clint Eastwood after they were photographed leaving Craigs. There is no relationship. We're family friends. My family is there as they are. And that's. That is what she said about that. She has three siblings. I don't know if there's any more there, but yeah, that's pretty cool. She definitely likes older men, which is fine. You can like older men.

[Christina P]

It's so cool. But the coolest part is to have children with them. You Know what I mean? And then break up. The baby's three months old.

[Tom Segura]

Well, the neat thing for that kid is that there's a lot of footage of his dad because he's gonna need it. He's not really gonna grow up with him because I can't imagine that he will live that much longer.

[Christina P]

No. So wait, where's that video where he's talking about how much fun he has with a kid? Do we have that Zolo where he's like, what he does with him?

[Tom Segura]

This, this little guy treats him like.

[Christina P]

A dachshund or something? His connection with his one year old. I like pudding.

[Tom Segura]

Maybe it's on the tick tock. Yeah, yeah, it'll be there. So, yeah, I mean, it is like, I don't know. If he's 84, that means there's a good chance that, I don't know, when he's in kindergarten or first grade, his dad will be dead and they'll be like, he was really good actor. Oh good.

[Christina P]

I wish he would have gotten a vasectomy. Oh yeah, and so does De Niro is an old ass dad too. He's got that young girl.

[Tom Segura]

There's a couple guys like that. They have.

[Christina P]

See, that's the problem, Tom, with getting the young hot girlfriend.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

If. Listen me, look at me.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

If I died before you. Okay, all right. And that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

How dare you. No, and hold on. If you bang some 29 year old, they all want the baby. There's no way some woman her 20s is not going to want the baby.

[Tom Segura]

But I got the. I'd have to get a reverse snip.

[Christina P]

Yeah, you can do that. That's not.

[Tom Segura]

I don't want to do that.

[Christina P]

That's not hard to do.

[Tom Segura]

I don't want to do that.

[Christina P]

I'm just warning you. These young chicks, they all want babies. That's the whole point.

[Tom Segura]

So what are you telling me?

[Christina P]

How to support them?

[Tom Segura]

You know what, I'll tell them like, yeah, let's just keep trying.

[Christina P]

I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

They're like, I'm not getting pregnant. I'm like, because we're not enough.

[Christina P]

Tell me that's great. And then you just keep doing that until she gets sick of you.

[Tom Segura]

It's that, oh, there you go.

[Christina P]

It's fun. Being a new dad is fun. It's the let. It's the least fun is when you're a new dad.

[Tom Segura]

Well, he's not, he's not doing, doing that much.

[Christina P]

Let's, let's hear what he's doing.

[Tom Segura]

You know this little person, everything he does is interesting to me, you know, so we, we talk. I played a harmonica with him and we have made this kind of contact.

[Alex]

So it's fun.

[Tom Segura]

At 83, did you have any reservations about the age? Well, now I'd want to be around for this child. Of course I did. But things happen and I, I wanted to be and I hope I am. I hope I stay healthy. Healthy. And he know who his dad is. Of course.

[Christina P]

It's neat.

[Tom Segura]

It is neat and it's a lot of fun. This little guy does stuff and I'm like, look at all the stuff he's doing.

[Christina P]

And stuff happens, Tom. He doesn't know how pregnancy happens. Can I tell you the most annoying part for me personally is like that, that the British tend to be a little more ruthless and they're question, acting like you didn't, you didn't think 83 was kind of old, but that the media has to treat it like it's an awesome thing. Like if you look at, I think People magazine covered the story and he's like, this is awesome. Like it's always from the. Isn't this great? It's like, no, it's, it's not great, guys.

[Tom Segura]

I don't think it's so great.

[Christina P]

He's like, I hope I live. You're not gonna. You're 84, dude. This is the end of the road, bro.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's not gonna last much longer.

[Christina P]

It's not gonna last much longer.

[Tom Segura]

And also, let's say it does last longer. Yeah, it's not a good, it's not a good time.

[Christina P]

It's not the best time.

[Tom Segura]

You know, you're not like, if you're alive at 92 and you see him now, you think it's gonna be like, he's like, ah, I'm just like, you're not gonna be able to pick up your kid. You've seen old people with babies. They go like, yeah.

[Christina P]

They can't even hold the cat, let alone the baby.

[Tom Segura]

Do you think, you think when they were. You know how things happen?

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Do you think stuff happens? For sure. She was like, just go inside.

[Christina P]

Of course.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He was like, yeah. And then. Oh, yeah, that was great. And then she was like, thank you.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Because she had to like climb on top of his carcass.

[Tom Segura]

And then the cool thing now is that she knows he's going to leave a pretty cool trust.

[Christina P]

I know, it's so gross. Cuz, you know she can't marry him, right? Cuz he's got prenups to the gills. She knew she wasn't going to get that trust that. That marriage money. But now that the kids there, it's going to be a good steady 18 years.

[Tom Segura]

They're like, hey, let's talk about your plans for a second, man. Exactly how are you planning on divvying this up, pops?

[Christina P]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

Well, you know. Yeah, I got a baby. Hey.

[Christina P]

Yep. Yeah, yeah. This, this. Well, she's gonna get at least whatever monthly stipend.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Child support if you like. Right.

[Tom Segura]

If the kids don't have to work. Fun.

[Christina P]

Yeah. For 18 years. And then went though. Dumbass. All right, dumbass. I got a pish real quick.

[Tom Segura]

Hey, same.

[Christina P]

Oh, pee pee twins.

[Tom Segura]

And we peed.

[Christina P]

My pee was so powerful. Did your smell like coffee?

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina P]

Really?

[Tom Segura]

No, not really. Yours often do if I dial if I have too much. It does. Yeah. I don't think I overdid it today. I've had a good bit of water. I had a double workout today already.

[Christina P]

I did double.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I did the bike and then I went to the gym and I lifted at the gym.

[Christina P]

You're crazy right now with the fitness jeans.

[Tom Segura]

I know. It's because I'm going to be nude that I'm. You know. You have like a panic setting.

[Christina P]

Are you allowed to say this?

[Tom Segura]

I think I've talked about it. That it's coming up.

[Christina P]

Dude, I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

I didn't realize until a meeting the other day is that I'm mood. I'm nude in four scenes now. Like, I think they all were like, yeah, this is pretty funny. Just keep doing it. I'm like, okay.

[Christina P]

This is pretty scary.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And like I have a. I know. I have a horrible flat ass. And they're like, yeah, show that funny.

[Christina P]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I like the way that you were honest.

[Christina P]

You just went, yeah, well, both of us, we. Look, I think full disclosure, you and I have both admitted to having flat asses to each other. We both agreed.

[Tom Segura]

The tailor on the show, she was like, you know, getting a costume ready. So she was like tracing. She was doing this tracing thing. And she was like, you have very defined calves. And I was like, nice. I was like, everybody hear that? She was like very defined. I was like, that's what's up. And then she goes up does like the hamstrings. And then she goes, yeah, a lot of men have flat butts like you. I was like.

[Christina P]

Yeah, that is a Sagura family trait. I will say.

[Tom Segura]

I feel like everyone flat ass family.

[Christina P]

Me too though. Look, I didn't I got. I got the tits. I didn't get the ass. That's for sure.

[Tom Segura]

Oddly enough, Top Dog didn't have a flat ass. Maybe later in his later years, but then he was a weightlifter.

[Christina P]

Other side.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. It's definitely.

[Christina P]

It's definitely her.

[Tom Segura]

It's her side. Yeah. God, no one has an ass.

[Christina P]

I don't have an ass either.

[Tom Segura]

Mine is so bad.

[Christina P]

No, mine sucks, too.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina P]

And I've tried Pilates. I've tried the weightlifting also.

[Tom Segura]

Yours isn't going to be broadcast. Mine's gonna be broadcast.

[Christina P]

You chose to dip.

[Tom Segura]

I didn't kind of. I really didn't. Kind of.

[Christina P]

What do you mean you didn't? It's your show.

[Tom Segura]

But I still was like, they're just, you know, you just don't want to be the guy to, like, negate. They're like, there's much better if you just show your ass. And I'm like, okay, can you do.

[Christina P]

Like, a stunt ass? Can you do a stand in?

[Tom Segura]

No. Come on. That's for the weaklings.

[Christina P]

Why don't you do what Tom Cruise does in the movies where they do like the. The lens, the glossy lens. Because that's what they do in the Mission Impossible movies. They just. They treat the film. They treat the film.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

So he looks much better. You could.

[Tom Segura]

What about Full Frontal? What do I do there?

[Christina P]

Are you gonna.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Holy. For real?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

You're gonna show your dong, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I'm gonna fluff like everybody else does. Yeah, I know what you're doing.

[Christina P]

I can't believe you're gonna do that.

[Tom Segura]

Give me, like. I'm gonna be like. Give me 30 seconds to smack it around. Smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack, smack.

[Christina P]

Are you really showing your dick?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's just the way life goes. Here we go.

[Christina P]

It's cool. I love this.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Isn't it crazy that I have a line at the house? Nothing bad will happen. Look at him. Look at his pants.

[Christina P]

Never in English.

[Tom Segura]

Look at this guy just laughing.

[Christina P]

They're laughing, dude.

[Tom Segura]

The lion.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

A lioness.

[Christina P]

So stupid.

[Tom Segura]

That could have gone so.

[Christina P]

I do love these talks, though. I love these videos.

[Tom Segura]

Great.

[Christina P]

Idiots.

[Tom Segura]

All right. I have been dying to show you this. So Frankie Valli, who is a beloved singer. Frankie valli in the Four Seasons. This man has been performing for, like 60 plus years, right?

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, and. And this was, like, from, you know, Greece. The. The incredible John Travolta. What's her name? Olivia Newton John. Like, that's Frankie Valley singing in. In.

[Christina P]

No.

[Tom Segura]

And some of the big songs. Yeah, Greece. Greece is the. You know, that's him. So, like, he. Yeah, now this is him. I think during the pandemic, he did what even we were doing in Stand up, which is like putting on an online concert for people that want to. So, like, check them out here.

[Christina P]

Is that really him singing?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's him.

[Christina P]

That's okay.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he can still sing.

[Christina P]

Yeah, sure.

[Alex]

Take me where the people still believe in harmony.

[Christina P]

Oh, wow. Yeah, wow. I don't like his background.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, he's still really doing it here. Okay.

[Christina P]

Yeah, I got it.

[Tom Segura]

So you got it, right? I mean, and he's still nailing it here.

[Christina P]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Now he has to be 85 or 86 here. Okay. In that video, it's 2020. It's a pandemic performance that, like, people could watch online. So. Yeah, so that's four years ago. So he's probably 86 because he's 90 now. So he has been continuing to perform and people have noticed that it is not the same. Oh, okay. It is not the same. And I have multiple examples.

[Christina P]

No.

[Tom Segura]

So what they're doing now is they're playing the audio of the original track.

[Christina P]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

And then he's just supposed to lip sync that. By the way, what I just showed you is by far the best version of it. It's by far the best version of it.

[Christina P]

But the lip syncing it, he's barely putting.

[Tom Segura]

Barely.

[Christina P]

He can't open his mouth.

[Tom Segura]

Barely doing it.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Why are they doing this to this man? Whom does he owe money to? Who is forcing him to do this? This doesn't seem like. This seems like, you know, when somebody reached a certain age and you go, you know what? You just don't have to do it anymore. You can. You've been performing.

[Christina P]

Can I tell you something? I'm so stoked about cancer because now I'm like, I'm done touring. I'm done. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I just meant you can reach an age where you can go, I no longer perform.

[Christina P]

But, babe, I don't think he's there. I think.

[Tom Segura]

You think he's making.

[Christina P]

He wants to do this. It's the same reason crazy ass Madonna.

[Tom Segura]

But what if you put.

[Christina P]

Still do.

[Tom Segura]

You bought your ticket.

[Christina P]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

And you saw this.

[Christina P]

I mean, but how old is his audience?

[Tom Segura]

He's talking.

[Christina P]

So that's his voice, the eyes. Oh, my God. He's practically dead. Poor guy. Oh, no. Okay. It's not a good look, though.

[Tom Segura]

He's actually singing here, I think.

[Christina P]

Singing. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

This is also. I hadn't seen this one.

[Christina P]

This one's okay.

[Tom Segura]

This one's all right.

[Christina P]

But he can barely move. He's come into.

[Tom Segura]

He also hasn't blinked once.

[Christina P]

No.

[Tom Segura]

And then it's been like three minutes.

[Christina P]

No. But he looks okay.

[Tom Segura]

He's. That one's okay. So I apologize. That was actually a better one. Okay, here's Grease. All right. He's not singing. Okay.

[Christina P]

No, he's not singing. He mis. Accused her. Oh, dear. Oh, dear.

[Tom Segura]

You know, those background guys have stories.

[Christina P]

Of course.

[Tom Segura]

Can somebody please have one of these backgrounds? Reach out, please?

[Christina P]

He's like. When I say Greece is the word. Oh, no. Oh, no.

[Tom Segura]

I think there's somebody else driving this. I don't think possibly I have to perform.

[Christina P]

You think he's got the wife? Like, Ozzy Osbourne's wife? Ozzy is on his last leg. Well, here's the thing, Joan.

[Tom Segura]

Because he so obviously highly proficient into his 80s.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That means he was probably. He probably was touring all the time.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And that basically gives you a certain lifestyle. He's probably spending more. Like most people would say. Let's say they're performers. They would retire. Most. You know, with the exception of, like, a Tony Bennett. And like, most would be like, yeah, I'm done, and I'm 70 something. And then you would. You kind of get into a certain. You get into a certain change in lifestyle. But if you are into your 80s, still performing, it may be that, like, they're just, like, living it up and that when. When it's like, hey, it's time to retire. Someone's like, no, don't do that.

[Christina P]

Because you got too many expenses.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And you're used to, like, earning a certain amount and spending a certain.

[Christina P]

But I will note the decline is significant from 86 to 90. Yeah. But still, he was fine four years ago.

[Tom Segura]

But that's a normal thing to decline at 90.

[Christina P]

Here's the thing I'm learning, though, Tom.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

You're going to be touring well into your 90s because mama likes this life. I'm staying home, I'm relaxing. I ain't working. You love being a comic. You got to tell jokes until you're dead. Hey, guys, Never wipe. Come on. The drapes.

[Alex]

Bye. Bye.

[Christina P]

Yay. I wrote. Your audience is older.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And they're telling their kids, and they're like, the. Is this. And they're like, you gotta hear the whole story. And my. My son. Dad, flush it down the toilet. So. And I'll play the. I'll play. I'll play the audio of A Netflix special.

[Christina P]

I think you should.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, here's what's going on.

[Christina P]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

Frankie has told People magazine the accusations crack him up. Reiterating on his own terms. Nobody has ever made me do anything I didn't want to do. Frankie's all about that four seasons magic, saying as long as the fans keep showing up, he's in it for the long haul. Okay. Promising to be like that bunny on TV that just keeps going and going and going. Oh, you mean the advertising ad that hasn't aired in 35 years for the Energizer Bunny? That's awesome. That's a real current reference.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. Chasing the music.

[Christina P]

But it's the ego. He can't say, I'm 90. I am done.

[Tom Segura]

There's been a huge concern for Frankie.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Some videos showing him appearing to be lip syncing his own music on stage.

[Christina P]

Of course.

[Tom Segura]

And have fans commenting about how exhausted he looks. He hasn't blinked in any video, but he's made it clear he's not backing down. Full steam ahead with his tour running all the way through April of 25.

[Christina P]

No, he's not gonna make it to April.

[Tom Segura]

No, he's one of those guys who's gonna die on tour.

[Christina P]

I know, but he's happy doing it. And you know what? If people are paying, he's gonna die. Of course he's gonna.

[Tom Segura]

He's gonna die in the middle of a song, and the song will keep playing. He's.

[Alex]

Gosh, this is the word.

[Christina P]

Is the word.

[Tom Segura]

And then he'll be there.

[Christina P]

Of course.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

But that's why I'm gonna pay to see. But now don't you want to go see him?

[Tom Segura]

Bring up his tour schedule?

[Christina P]

Yeah. Let's go, guys. Someone needs to go watch every single one until he dies on stage. Yeah. Let's do it, guys. Indio Temecula. Who's doing the casinos? Those are big money gigs.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Oh, he's doing. He's doing a good run. A lot of casinos. That's good.

[Tom Segura]

That's where the oldies go in the Four Seasons.

[Christina P]

Let's go see him in Texas. Is he coming to Texas?

[Tom Segura]

I've done some of these places.

[Christina P]

Yeah, I know. Look like it. He's not traveling too much? No, he's going everywhere. How's he getting on? Planes.

[Tom Segura]

And Arizona's pretty close. November 10th. That's the day after. Guess where I'm at. November 9th.

[Christina P]

Where?

[Tom Segura]

Phoenix.

[Christina P]

Okay. Oh, okay.

[Tom Segura]

Wouldn't mind spending an extra night.

[Christina P]

Oh, look at him. He looks good there. Girls, don't cry. We Just boosted his ticket sales, though. You know, people are going to go just to see if he dies during singing. Sherry baby.

[Tom Segura]

It's the eyes that freaked me out the most.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Eyes were like.

[Christina P]

Yeah. He can't even smile. So some. Something's cooking. Yeah. Oh, poor guy. That's bad. You want to see something sadder? I will. I see your Frankie Valley and I will one up you a Phil Collins. You seen what that guy's up to?

[Tom Segura]

He's in the office chair. Yeah, yeah. They put him in an office chair. This guy, by the way, is so. If you don't know this man is so exceptionally talented, it's. No, it is outrageous. This guy's songwriting ability, instrument, his voice. That's him in an office chair doing a show.

[Christina P]

They wheel him out.

[Tom Segura]

He's like, at Madison Square Garden, they're like, sit in this chair. We got it from the back. It's one of the accountants chairs here.

[Christina P]

Look at that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Guys, at least give him like a king's throne.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Make it. Make it part of the show. Give him a better seat.

[Tom Segura]

Something happened with his spine. I think he had. Is. What is his health issues.

[Christina P]

Life is terrible.

[Tom Segura]

I think it's back related suffering.

[Christina P]

The amount of suffering.

[Alex]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I used to just crush it on the drums. Of course.

[Christina P]

Yeah. You know how many hits this guy had?

[Tom Segura]

Okay, look. Spinal injury.

[Christina P]

Oh, no.

[Tom Segura]

Upper neck vertebrae, which damaged nerves and affected his hands. He's unable to play the drums. Has perform while sitting in a chair using a cane. Foot drop. Hit that show. More develop foot drop. After back surgery. Which wears or orthopedic shoes. Diabetic abscess. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Acute pancreatitis. Alcohol.

[Christina P]

Well, that's why. That's why he's got all the other going on the alcoholism. Studio.

[Tom Segura]

He's.

[Christina P]

How many hits did he have?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, it's really crazy.

[Christina P]

Like Genesis. I know. This is bad.

[Tom Segura]

I hate when I see them in the office chair, though.

[Christina P]

I know. It's so disrespectful.

[Tom Segura]

It's like from. From Staples. They were like, you go just grab a ring chair.

[Christina P]

And if he's got spinal stuff, maybe get him a chair that's good for him to sit for a long time.

[Tom Segura]

It should be a throne, like you're saying.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Like make it theatrical.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Like part of.

[Christina P]

Put him out in a throne because he's like the king.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And don't make him hold, you know, make the mic stand come to him. Like, why aren't they.

[Tom Segura]

That's crazy.

[Christina P]

She seems to have an invisible touch. So depressing. Well, you know, this is just what they do. This is what Madonna's doing. And it's appalling that she is still trying to be hot and sexy and do the same thing she was doing real crazy. She's so jacked up. And it's more and more embarrassing every year. You got it. Unless you can maintain it. Like Mick Jagger for some reason. Why does Mick Jagger pull this off? Is it because he's physically. And his singing voice is still. Look at this face.

[Tom Segura]

Well, here's the thing about. It's kind of unfair to women. Which is like the standard for a woman.

[Christina P]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

And her face is very different for men. Like as you start to age, everybody goes, the fuck's up with your face? Do something. Right. And then men, we can just like get wrinkled and just age like. And everybody goes, that's fine, you look great. Like they just let it go. So like the standards are different. But then how you react to that standard is where.

[Christina P]

That's the key.

[Tom Segura]

That's really it.

[Christina P]

Because there have been female stars over the years that have crushed it. Like Cher. She still looks, I think fairly amazing. Tina Turner was great. She passed away unfortunately. But Tina Turner was crushing it at 72 and she looked amazing. Look, Cher still looks like Cher.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I mean she's 77th. Had.

[Christina P]

Yeah. But when she was touring and doing her shtick.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Look at her boyfriend. She's got a young and. Right.

[Christina P]

She likes the young ones. She and Madonna both like young hot black dudes. That's what they're into. It's so funny. I don't know what that, what that. What do black guys like older white ladies any. Is that what it is?

[Tom Segura]

Because she's saying. Because like Cher and Madonna and some other well known they. Or you think that's like are these guys actually attracted to them, you think? I mean, I think we like money. I'd say that. I think we're big fans of that. That's. That's all I could say. I'm not sure. I mean. Yeah, I'll with share. You know what I'm saying? Would you. Would you get with a 77 year old woman? I mean, yeah, but like how long?

[Christina P]

You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Have the baby.

[Tom Segura]

Would you go down on her? No problem. Wow. Wow.

[Christina P]

Look, you share perfect. No, but when she was touring she was doing that turn back time that on the boat. Remember that?

[Tom Segura]

If I could.

[Christina P]

She was still. Her body was still good when she was touring.

[Tom Segura]

So she's 78, actually.

[Christina P]

Yeah. And she stopped doing it. Right. She's not Frankie Valleying us to death.

[Tom Segura]

Exactly. It's where you. You pull the plug.

[Christina P]

Pull the plug. Tina Turner as well. She wasn't doing Gene Hackman. He looks like right now, too. Son of a. Did you see the.

[Tom Segura]

The course? But I hate that people are saying that. He's just an older guy. What's going on?

[Alex]

Why do you have any black people on your shelter?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, Jesus Christ. Yeah.

[Alex]

African Americans on your show.

[Tom Segura]

You know how you guys are.

[Alex]

You make an excuse.

[Tom Segura]

I'm not making excuse. You know why?

[Alex]

You sound like.

[Tom Segura]

Who?

[Alex]

Your good friend Bert Schizker. You sound like him, man. I resent that somebody get fired from your team, and I do apologize.

[Tom Segura]

It's probably the black guy who's in there.

[Alex]

It's only one black guy.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Alex]

All right.

[Tom Segura]

I always feel like one's enough, but go ahead.

[Alex]

What you do.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Alex]

This is what you do to tell me whenever there's an issue.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Alex]

In the streets.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Alex]

Over black people. You call me like Ghostbusters because, like.

[Tom Segura]

You'Re the representative of. You got.

[Alex]

How am I that person? You don't have any other black friends. Another one.

[Christina P]

Brian Simpson.

[Alex]

That's two of the same.

[Tom Segura]

Two. There's two Brians. David Lucas.

[Christina P]

David Lucas.

[Tom Segura]

Manny Fresh.

[Alex]

David Lucas.

[Tom Segura]

Don't count Manny Fresh.

[Alex]

He's of the Joe Rogan family. So he's like that borderline white guy.

[Tom Segura]

He's a borderline white guy.

[Alex]

Racist jokes and double down on his He Premier. He's worse than Tony Hinchkook.

[Tom Segura]

DJ Premier.

[Alex]

Okay. That's a good one.

[Tom Segura]

He's a good one. Too short.

[Alex]

But you don't ask him questions like, so why do black people like Pepsi Colas?

[Tom Segura]

First of all.

[Alex]

Second of all.

[Tom Segura]

Second of all, that was a great question, and you gave a great answer. So it was. It was like. It was perfect. I didn't cut around the answer.

[Alex]

You cut around my answer. You did a voiceover and somebody just said watermelon. Right?

[Tom Segura]

No. That is absolutely offensive.

[Alex]

Tricks don't play games.

[Tom Segura]

I'm not playing games.

[Alex]

So can I ask a question?

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Alex]

Can I ask a question? You know, I'm not trying to be like you. Not that I can't look up to a white person, but, you know, I'm trying to get, like, passive income through. Through this podcast.

[Tom Segura]

Sure, sure.

[Alex]

You know, I started a new podcast called the D Rolling show, and now.

[Tom Segura]

It'S called the what? The Donnell Rawling Show.

[Alex]

Donell Rawlings.

[Tom Segura]

Like, after your Name. Okay, yeah, yeah.

[Alex]

Yes. And you don't call me. Just say, hey, Donnell.

[Tom Segura]

Hey, Donnell.

[Alex]

That's not. You never. You don't call me for that. But.

[Tom Segura]

But something. You know what? If I had. If I knew it, I'd be like, oh, this is a cool new black thing. I'm gonna call you up. And I would have called you, be.

[Alex]

Like, okay, let's be clear. You call me for cool new black.

[Tom Segura]

Things or questions about black things.

[Christina P]

Yeah, well, can we. First of all, your beard is very similar to yours. I think he is cropping you.

[Tom Segura]

Secondly, I mean, look at my beard.

[Alex]

The white woman is down with this whole theory. Yo, she just told. Said the black man stole the hairstyle.

[Tom Segura]

Who's that on his shirt, by the way?

[Alex]

On his shirt? Yeah, that's Muhammad Ali.

[Tom Segura]

Who's that?

[Alex]

The greatest. Is the greatest.

[Tom Segura]

Greatest what?

[Alex]

Black man, sports figure of all time.

[Tom Segura]

Never heard of him.

[Alex]

I know people are used to this, and I know they like, oh, watch you walk off. I know you was. I know they was. They was counting down, where can I see him? I know these.

[Tom Segura]

When. I'd love to see him. When is he fighting next?

[Alex]

You know what my therapist told me? He said Donnell is going to be very challenging, but stay focused. And that's what I'm going to do.

[Tom Segura]

Stay focused, stay focused, stay focused. First of all, can I congratulate you on the Donnell Rawling Show? I didn't know that.

[Christina P]

Very good.

[Tom Segura]

I'm. I'm very excited for you. I. No, it's not. I'm also. Listen, I'm gonna keep. I'm gonna keep going with this. I. First of all, I remember you probably don't remember. I remember meeting you in, at this UCLA show, this is in like 2005 or 6. And I came. I couldn't believe you were there because you were on the Chappelle show and I was. I was asking you all the questions about writing and performing, and I was really nerding out on how funny you are. On the show, we call it the Hood.

[Alex]

What we say you was on my dick and it's not a home.

[Tom Segura]

Right, right. Okay. No Diddy. No Diddy. I was on your dick.

[Christina P]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

And. And then I was like, oh, let me see your dick. And you're like, it's not like that. What? No, dude, man. I was like, just let me see. All right.

[Alex]

I just.

[Tom Segura]

I'm trying to, like, navigate how to do it, so. And then we've done. First of all, you helped me out when I was doing that show in Cancun and I and you. And you came and you killed it on that. And then we've done shows together when, when Joe and Dave have done their. Their co shows. We've done those and we have a great time and I always have fun with you and I think you're very, very funny.

[Alex]

I don't give a about fun. When we go make some money, man.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I mean, aren't you gonna. I thought you were booked to do the podcast. Aren't you coming on the podcast?

[Alex]

Oh, let me tell you about that podcast. What that started up. It's a black guy behind this camera. Looks just like me, right?

[Tom Segura]

I see him. Yeah.

[Alex]

And she came in. This is so racist. Who came in? Lauren is her name, right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Alex]

I'm doing her podcast and she came in and I'm not trying to say we all look alike, right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

She walked right past me.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And said thanks for being on the show, Ashley. Larry. To this black guy over here.

[Christina P]

After the show.

[Alex]

No, before.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, before. Oh, yeah. Well, she probably looked like. I mean, I mean like, you know, don't say that.

[Alex]

I mean, yo, they worse than Donald Trump security right now, man. Look at shot your ear off.

[Tom Segura]

Look at his necklace. He looks like a star. I would buy it.

[Alex]

Yeah. But the more. And again, I am so sorry I crashed it. And in a way I'm happy I crashed it because America needs to know.

[Tom Segura]

America does need to know.

[Alex]

America needs to know that you have a black friend that you call on in desperate situations.

[Tom Segura]

You know what you call me doing?

[Alex]

George Floyd too.

[Tom Segura]

What did I say?

[Alex]

Just like what can I do?

[Tom Segura]

And yeah, I remember you said. Yeah, yeah.

[Alex]

Money.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Opportunity.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. I was like any. Anything to help.

[Alex]

What the. You said.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

You said, what can I do for your people?

[Tom Segura]

What can I do? I would love to know, you know.

[Alex]

What you can do.

[Tom Segura]

What's that?

[Alex]

You can continue to do what you haven't been doing and be better. You can be better. Be better and create and continue to hire platform higher.

[Tom Segura]

Raise black voices.

[Alex]

Raise black voices.

[Tom Segura]

Continue to support the NBA. I love the NBA.

[Alex]

Why had to be NBA?

[Tom Segura]

It's a 90% black league. Yes, they do. There's like six. I just feel like it's the NBA is your guys league and I feel like the all star weekend is definitely black Thanksgiving. It's a fun weekend.

[Christina P]

That's true.

[Tom Segura]

It's really a good time.

[Christina P]

Thanksgiving is much tastier.

[Tom Segura]

Don't you like black Thanksgiving?

[Alex]

I don't see color at Thanksgiving. And the reason why I've dated too many white chicks to really put color into.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, really?

[Alex]

There's a white chick.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you're a good black guy to ask. Yeah.

[Alex]

Wait a minute.

[Tom Segura]

That's so exciting. All right, so Madonna and Cher, she's.

[Alex]

Been ran through as the streets, but they're Madonna.

[Tom Segura]

Cher have both been. Their thing is both young, like good looking black guys. So do young any. Like, is it a thing? Do you find these women attractive to young black guy? Are they. Are they just into.

[Christina P]

Are they into older white ladies?

[Tom Segura]

Are they in the older white ladies? Look at this guy. He's 50 years younger.

[Alex]

Yeah. Some of them are into opportunities.

[Christina P]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

That was. That was what Annie said. Yes. He's like. He said, we like money.

[Alex]

If you're gonna toss the dick around, it's good to have some benefits from it.

[Christina P]

That's so true.

[Alex]

I don't see anything wrong with that. But now that's the age that would even excite Madonna. But I understand on both sides, she gets what she wants.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Get what they want.

[Tom Segura]

Now, I know you've been close with Puff a long time. Do you feel like he is going to get out of this or what's going to happen there? Because I remember you were always like, hold on, my man Puffs on the phone. And then you would take calls.

[Alex]

Get up off the floor, D. You need to be strong about this.

[Tom Segura]

Be strong. Have you been to Rikers yet to say hello? Have you stopped by?

[Alex]

What. What I'll say is this as much as me being black and understand how the white men always try to come down on us and. And like, just with us. Because there's.

[Tom Segura]

It's fun. I get it.

[Alex]

There's been people that. Caucasians.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Alex]

That have done worse. And the black community. Our biggest issue with Sean Puffy Combs was a thousand bottles of baby oil. And that's a lot of separation because you cannot explain that to the black community.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Alex]

That's the hardest thing to do.

[Tom Segura]

The dildos in the oil, boy. He's not your boy.

[Alex]

Okay, so how did you feel when your boy got shot in the ear?

[Tom Segura]

My guy.

[Alex]

My guy.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I was.

[Alex]

Boy.

[Tom Segura]

I was. I. I took a deep breath. I was like. And then I was like, he's okay. Yeah, I was like, he's okay. I was so scared for a second. I was like, they didn't. They. Did they get him?

[Christina P]

We lit candles and everything.

[Alex]

I would. I would have to say this tomorrow when I came here. I didn't know you were actually gonna be here.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And I saw you in the monitors and I was like, oh, fucking eagle so much.

[Tom Segura]

You did a.

[Alex]

No, I thought you had a. Just a loop of you.

[Tom Segura]

Oh. Oh, Jesus. No, but I do like, I do like that. You did a very black thing, which is just walk in, you know, I mean, like, that was like. You're like, it's my place.

[Alex]

That voice was the worst.

[Tom Segura]

Hey, man. No.

[Alex]

Okay, all right. Okay. Like, seriously, literally, like figuratively, like, contextually. Like, metaphorically.

[Tom Segura]

Hey, watch this, man. Hey, roll the camera.

[Alex]

Watch this, man.

[Tom Segura]

Pow.

[Alex]

What?

[Tom Segura]

Hey, yo, Tom. Like, yeah, that's it, officer.

[Alex]

And I'm telling you, true to who I am, and I've been coined as the interrupter.

[Tom Segura]

I like those songs. I like those glasses.

[Alex]

Thank you. Let me feel good. I would. I will tell. Tell you this.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

We just joke around, but I do appreciate you.

[Tom Segura]

I appreciate you too, man.

[Alex]

Because, you know, this is some real. There's a thing going around. Like when I perform, I bring heat to the stage.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

You know what I'm saying?

[Tom Segura]

Yes, true.

[Alex]

Right. A lot of people. Be quite honest. A lot of people won't with me. You know how this comedy game is.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

Sometimes people will not share their platform with you. If there's any case that you could just go crazy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

And I'm telling you, when you said, yo, D, you're gonna be in Cancun, do you mind doing my show? I was excited about that. But I didn't know in the contract there was like, you had to have a certain amount of black people to perform on your show.

[Tom Segura]

That's right. Yeah.

[Alex]

So I don't know if it was for you to get the check or it was for you respecting me as a stand up.

[Tom Segura]

I, first of all, I couldn't believe there was a black person in Mexico. I didn't know you guys go there. And then, and then I do actually very much admire. I've seen you on these shows and there's this thing where it's a real skill set. Like, I knew you could. Obviously you can do whatever as a comic, but there is always something. I think everybody who does stand up respects it.

[Alex]

For the white people. That's what you.

[Tom Segura]

No, I was going to say just eat a bullet. Meaning, like, go out first to a cold crowd and get them going. It is a skill set. Not everybody can do it. And so I was actually very grateful that you would do it.

[Alex]

So you mean you gave me the shitty part of the show.

[Tom Segura]

There was no other part of the show.

[Alex]

What are you talk.

[Tom Segura]

Talking about you.

[Alex]

What you're right about that.

[Tom Segura]

That was just. That.

[Alex]

Just true to what you said. True to what you said. It was like that. That it was weird.

[Tom Segura]

It was weird as it was a weird room.

[Alex]

I know. What? You know, it's so funny you said take the bullet because I knew I had a certain amount of time, right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And at the end of the day.

[Alex]

I knew I had to set it up for you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And also the reference. I just think the reference to bullets is something you'd probably be familiar with. Keep going. What? Dude, I thought.

[Christina P]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

I thought that was just like a.

[Alex]

Way matter what I do for this.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, wow. I thought that's like how.

[Alex]

Anyway, back to me giving a. About your show. I say, you know what? You got a certain amount of time, you're gonna eat 10 minutes of that time just getting these people in order. And with that, I knew what the job was. I got off stage, I messed with the audience. So it was only like 10 minutes of real time before I got it. But I. I got it for you.

[Tom Segura]

You did.

[Alex]

And I did that for your. One of your boys one time too.

[Tom Segura]

You did?

[Alex]

Joe Rogan. We were. I was with Dave. Dave. I don't know if it was Canada or wherever we was. It was supposed to be Tony. Hit Tony. Joe Rogan did me and Dave. Right. And it was one of those amphitheaters and it was daytime. That's how we normally roll. Right. So the thing was, Joe Rogan and Dave Chappelle, they are stars of the show.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

If you give them the best time to perform, that's what you have to do.

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Alex]

So I was supposed to perform at a certain time, and I was ready because I knew we was going get this show at the night time. This will get the top. Right. And then Jeff from Live Nation, he came up to me. You know, he walks like a penguin, right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's very good.

[Alex]

Right. He was like, Daniel, listen, I said, already know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

You want to switch lineup up, right? You want to switch it? I could have been a and be like, no, ain't no better for Dave. But I already knew. I knew Joe wanted the. The room at the best part. So I had. This is one of one of the better sets I've had in my career. I had to switch my spot, suck up my ego, and take that audience from daytime to nighttime.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Alex]

For when the sun is setting. And when I did it, it was like it got dark. And next thing you know, motherfucking Joe Regan came out. Joe Rogan came out then ate the room up.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I mean it's a you. That is a gracious thing of you to do. It really is. And I mean I'll tell you this. No, you're very, very capable. You're very talented. The other thing I'll say, and I mean this in the gayest way possible. Now listen, you smell really nice today. You smell good, bro.

[Christina P]

Sure, I know. Love you, Donnell.

[Tom Segura]

We love you, Donnell. I mean it in a gay way. I love you.

[Christina P]

What a nice drop in.

[Tom Segura]

That was really unexpected and a lot of fun. It was a lot of fun. No, that was. That was great.

[Christina P]

That was amazing. He's a sweetheart.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, Yes. I have to wrap up because I have to go to other studio estudio the production office, the PO studio and.

[Christina P]

Next time we'll do my tick tocks because I do, I miss doing this next time.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you to everybody for listening, watching. Thank you to Donnell Rawlings for giving us the latest in black news. And we will see you guys next week. By.

[Alex]

Dj dab mouth what's up?

[Tom Segura]

LinkedIn is helpful yo this is big.

[Alex]

Time shout out to everybody and stuff like that. Linking harasses me every day. Panda, Panda, panda bikes the coming young Patreon walking through your mind's eye with my shoes on graduated from up to D me a swindon I'm riding trick though I keep a water bottle field with any bunny hopping like a around the city ain't phased me gonna need a 10 speed just to chase me cause I'm a 247 freak daniac about the in your mouth how you feel about that? Hey Hitler I know you're coming back with Lance Armstrong's nut in a jimmy hat put some respect on my name.

[Tom Segura]

Young Patreon button box and a day.

[Alex]

Job they stop trying to pass me I make you marry far cause I gas I'm like Steven Seagal with the karate shot making bodies drive with your know about P you need a ride ho I'm a B non don't call me he better call me day gender be astral I'm out of space never seen a fel pedal so fast ever since grand moles your ass my spokes crown my bars chrome my R's crown you know that we are my pedals nice I'm wearing ice you feel me? You know what I'm talking about I'm saying bye now everywhere I go do.

[Tom Segura]

People Want to know LinkedIn is helpful.

[Alex]

Yeah how you ride a bike with your jeans so tight yeah I tell them this enough I'll give you a tip if you pull them up hard that'll do the trick. Are you feeling this shit?

[Christina P]

Gentlemen?

[Alex]

My assholes better than it's ever been. Trying to fuck with me my ain't throws into the killer I'm riding in high while I'm popping the willow Next stop brown talk got to pull the bike over just to pop a squad make brown feel it dripping down top dog pretty patter to the bathroom now drop them jaws about to get it on boom pile surprise. It's a cherry bomb. Hit him with the blaster flat slap flat. You just painted the bowl and all that bur Chrysler so damn fat make a tire run flat. All I know is bikes. All I see is bikes. I be riding bikes.

[Christina P]

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