Did We Find The NEW FedSmoker?! | Your Mom's House Ep. 835

Summary

Your Mom’s House Ep. 835: Did We Find The NEW FedSmoker?!

Hosts: Tom Segura & Christina P.
Release Date: November 5, 2025
Studio: YMH Studios

Episode Overview

This episode of Your Mom’s House dives into everything from reality TV nostalgia and medical oversharing to viral oddballs and, true to YMH style, scatological humor. Tom and Christina riff on bizarre reality shows, discuss constipation (with the usual level of detail), explore boundary-pushing public weirdos, and introduce a new “FedSmoker” archetype, all while freely swapping stories as a married couple with no boundaries.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Merch Updates & Makeup Philosophy

[00:39-01:36]

• Christina promotes her winter drop and shares her passion for developing high-quality makeup that isn’t Kardashian-style.
• Tom admires Christina’s non-mainstream “dark demon hunter” aesthetic.
• Quote:
  • “Not necessarily about, like, you know, being a Kardashian. Cause that shit’s boring.” – Christina [01:25]
  • “You’re a dark child.” – Tom [01:35]

---

2. 2000s Reality TV Deep Dive

[02:05-07:28]

• Tom and Christina reminisce about shows like Trading Spouses and Wife Swap, including a legendary “God Warrior” meltdown.
• Tom discusses working behind the scenes in reality TV, with anecdotes about the chaos of early post-production, and the show’s French mastermind, Jean Michel.
• Quote:
  • “She was having like a mental break... those people are demons and I’m a God warrior.” – Tom [04:33]
  • “Dark sided! The entire house is dork sided.” – Christina [04:58]

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3. Cigarettes, Vaping, and the Threshold for Cancer

[07:45-09:44]

• Tom and Christina debate whether vaping is healthier than smoking, joking about when it’d be “OK” to start smoking again, and wondering about the “safe” number of cigarettes before risking cancer.
• They joke about consulting Dr. Drew for a more scientific answer.
• Quote:
  • “If it comes back, you tell them... two packs a day.” – Tom [08:26]
  • “What’s the cancer number?” – Christina [08:41]

---

4. Hardcore Bowel Talk

[10:09-15:17]

• Addressing a fan question about constipation, Christina gives medical-style advice (laxatives, suppositories), and they trade hospital stool stories.
• Tom recounts a mortifying nurse suppository experience, while Christina provides “poop soup” hacks.
• Quote:
  • “Just shove a suppository right up your ass...” – Christina [11:15]
  • “The nurse who’s supposed to be a... she goes, Oh, my God. You have so much hair back here.” – Tom [13:02]

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5. Couples & Bathroom Shame

[16:39-21:16]

• Christina confronts Tom about his audible “post-push” sigh after bowel movements and their shared lack of boundaries regarding farting.
• They marvel at couples who hide all bathroom noises, with Tom considering that “as crazy as never breathing.”
• Quote:
  • “You’re not allowed to breathe around here. There’s no chance.” – Tom [21:11]

---

6. Wild Reality TV Experimentation: Black. White. on FX

[21:17-30:57]

• The hosts react to clips from a 2006 show (Black. White.) that used makeup to “swap races” between two families, discussing its cringeworthy and problematic moments.
• They riff on facial prosthetic technology and muse about recreating the experiment themselves (tongue-in-cheek).
• Christina recalls a profound experience at the Apartheid Museum in South Africa.
• Quote:
  • “Why is this white family so horny?” – Narrator [23:13]
  • “[About the Apartheid Museum]...They give you a card and you have to go in a separate entrance... so that’s just the beginning.” – Christina [29:51]

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7. Strange Men in Public: Christopher Torres, TikTok Creeps, and Viral Weirdos

[31:19-34:54]

• Tom and Christina react to a TikTok video where a man proudly admits to photographing a woman's behind.
• They digress into a bit about Coca-Cola Freestyle machines and wish for more product “freestyle” options.

---

8. Medical Talk: Contacts & Lasik Nightmares

[35:01-39:57]

• Tom, newly bespectacled, discusses deteriorating eyesight and expresses horror over viral videos showing “23 contacts” removed from a woman’s eye.
• They debate Lasik eye surgery “gone wrong,” with Christina stressing she’d “never eff with” contacts or Lasik.
• Quote:
  • “23 just up there.” – Tom [37:14]
  • “I don't want to... I'd rather wear glasses.” – Christina [39:57]

---

9. The New “FedSmoker?/Chomo” – Sigma Chi Auditor

[40:29-45:58]

• The hosts review a character reminiscent of infamous YMH legend “FedSmoker,” an amateur auditor (Christopher Torres) who films himself confronting frat members, authorities, and random strangers with unfiltered, confrontational rants.
• Christina notes, “we’re getting him young,” imagining his “arc” as an irritant for years to come.
• They play several of his clips with lines such as, “Check these ass cowards out. You look transgender. Are you man or female? I can't even tell the difference this day and age.” [41:13].
• Quote:
  • “Supposedly, you should handle your own problems. You should handle your own problems. Be a grown ass man. You act like a girl. All of yous act like girls.” – Christopher Torres [42:31]
  • “This guy’s got a lot of potential. Do we know anything more about him? Because I’m really feeling his style.” – Tom [43:06]

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10. Classic YMH Oddities & Internet Crazies

[47:03-66:43]

• The hosts screen and react to a series of viral videos, including:
  • DIY tooth pulling (“so much meth you’ve got to be on to not feel it” – Christina [47:44])
  • “Happy homeless” positivity videos
  • Relationship TMI (woman talks about an STI scare that is “just a bacterial infection”)
  • Cholas with the munchies in LA
  • Disturbing “serial killer energy” TikTokers
  • An elderly man celebrating his young wife’s birthday (“He was probably thinking like two years” – Christina [64:54])
  • A message “to the FBI” from a TikTok oddball on the lam ([65:36])

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11. Fart Shirt in Felony Court: The Logic of Chaos

[66:16-68:16]

• Christina and Tom watch a courtroom video where a man wears a “World’s Best Farter” shirt for a felony hearing, lampooning how ill-prepared people can be.
• Christina proposes fines for bad “airplane pajamas” etiquette.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• "Dark sided. The entire house is dork sided."
  – Christina, channeling the “God Warrior” reality TV meltdown. [04:58]

• “Just shove a suppository right up your ass...”
  – Christina on hardcore constipation strategies. [11:15]

• “Supposedly, you should handle your own problems. Be a grown ass man. You act like a girl. All of yous act like girls.”
  – Christopher Torres, introducing the new “FedSmoker” energy. [42:31]

• “He’s got tops. She was probably thinking like two years.”
  – Christina on age-gap birthday couple. [64:54]

• “There’s a direct correlation between how you end up in felony court and what you think you should wear to court.”
  – Tom, on the “farter” t-shirt defendant. [66:42]

---

Segment Timestamps

• [00:39] – Christina’s winter drop & makeup talk
• [02:10] – Reality TV nostalgia: “God Warrior”
• [07:45] – Smoking/vaping/cancer chat
• [10:09] – Constipation advice, hospital stool stories
• [16:39] – Bathroom boundaries in relationships
• [21:28] – “Black. White.” reality show (race swapping), Apartheid Museum
• [31:19] – TikTok oddballs & Coke Freestyle digression
• [35:01] – Dangers of contacts/Lasik
• [40:29] – Introduction of new “FedSmoker” (Christopher Torres/Sigma Chi Auditor)
• [47:03] – Rapid-fire odd internet videos
• [66:16] – “World's Best Farter” T-shirt in felony court

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Overall Tone & Takeaway

As always, Tom and Christina combine gross-out humor and irreverence with real relationship candor. The episode is a blend of nostalgic, raunchy, and earnest—focusing on weird corners of internet culture and everyday indignities alike. The emergence of the “new FedSmoker” offers fertile ground for future YMH deep dives, while the episode's scatological and medical honesty is classic YMH: oversharing, boundaryless, and strangely affectionate.

Transcript

[Tom Segura]

Hey, everyone. This month I'm filming my new stand up special in Milwaukee at the Riverside Theater on November 14th and 15th. Tickets are available in Milwaukee for the November 14th show only. I'll also be in El Paso, Tucson and Colorado Springs this weekend. Get your Tickets [e-mail] tour well, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to another episode of your mom's house. How you feeling today, Jean?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Good today, actually. My winter drop is now available so you can buy in time for Christmas.

[Tom Segura]

Are you wearing the winter drop?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This was my fall drop. The winter drop. I have a new liquid lipstick color that I call cuts you up and a shimmer gloss.

[Tom Segura]

What's it called?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Cuts you up.

[Tom Segura]

Cuts you up. Oh, cuts you up. I thought you were saying a Japanese word. Christinapee.com Congratulations.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Thanks.

[Tom Segura]

The. The makeup continues to impress Gene.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, it's fun. I really believe in this product too. It doesn't suck. So much makeup fucking sucks. And I spend a lot of money and time making these good.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, the results are impressive. People also really like it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And I'll tell you what, too, I like having interesting makeup. Not necessarily about, like, you know, being a Kardashian. Cause that shit's boring.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's not who you are.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's not who I am, bro.

[Tom Segura]

You're a dark child.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm a dark demon hunter. K pop demon hunter. But no hate on them. It's not for me. It's not for me.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What are you inside? Who are you inside?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, there's some darkness.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, you're a serial killer.

[Tom Segura]

I wouldn't go that far. I think I'm a God warrior, but.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I feel like God warrior.

[Tom Segura]

There's some dark stuff in there too. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She lost all the weight, that lady. I'm a warrior. Dorks.

[Tom Segura]

You know, for those. Can you pull up God warrior?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She was amazing.

[Tom Segura]

For people that don't know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What show was that on?

[Tom Segura]

Trading spouses.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Did you work on that show?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So I was there. Oh, there she is.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, she looks great, Marguerite.

[Tom Segura]

That's the clip when she's a big old lady right there. So the concept of this, of the show was that two people from different families would go live with the other family. It's called trading spouses. So they would do things obviously, like pair a woman from a liberal family to a conservative family and vice versa. And. And so cameras would be running and is. It was super entertaining because you'd see people that are, you know, not from this lifestyle. All of a sudden thrust into living with a family like that. And you know, they pick like a. Somebody from like a farm and send them to like New York City and. And vice versa. So anyway, I'm working in the post production office where at the time. And I don't know if, if reality is still done this way.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Thanks, baby.

[Tom Segura]

Maybe it is. But at the time, you know, the cameras would run 247 and then they'd have a PA on location take the tapes from that week and fly with them back so that nothing could happen. Like you have to have a human being carrying them. Not. You're not gonna ship at FedEx, you know. So, you know, Pa came in, dropped off tapes and I would work. This is when I was working the graveyard shift. I remember those 7pm to 7am it was awful. Awful for me. Physically, mentally, emotionally, just for life in general, it was awful. But I remember being in the Post House and you know, you'd know the editor's bays and there was a couple people that were like convening by this editor's bay down the hall and I was hearing hollering and laughing and chatting. I'm like, what's going on down there? And I went down there and I saw they were watching this lady, she's the best. Who basically she was from Louisiana and they put her with, I think just like a more, yeah, let's say liberal family. And when she got back home, she was just like, she was having like a mental break.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

She was like, those people are demons and I'm a God warrior.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And she just exploded. Can you play the God warrior?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She's not a Christian.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, she. Yes. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Remember she was freaking out that she's not a Christian.

[Tom Segura]

Yes. Dude, this was.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, 2005.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This one, we were dating as if she believed in God.

[Christopher Torres]

She's not a Christian.

[Tom Segura]

She could be a Jew and believe in God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It doesn't matter. She. She's tampering in dark sided stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Dark sided.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Dork sided. Yes, she did. The entire house is dork sided.

[Christopher Torres]

Her whole house.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She is dark sided too. Why are you mad at us? Yeah, Mom's got problems. Yeah, Mom's a borderline.

[Tom Segura]

That's a little bit of it. But anyway, she went nuts, dude. She went nuts. Yeah. Yeah.

[Guest or Narrator]

Wife swap.

[Tom Segura]

Is it wife swap? Okay. Because trading spouses was the other wife swap. Might have. Must have been Fox and trading spouses with abc. I think that's what it was.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Great. Both of them. I was really into that show. I don't Know, I was really into that show.

[Tom Segura]

It is Trading Spouses.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Anyway, only had three seasons. I should. I. I feel like they could do that show infinitely. It should just. It should be an ongoing social experiment.

[Tom Segura]

You know who. The mastermind of, like, all the shows.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Which one?

[Tom Segura]

Because we. I was at. I was at a place that did them for Fox. They had like a Fox deal. You had Trading Spouses. My big fat obnoxious spouse. Boss. My big fat fiance. Some makeover stuff. It was a little French, French dude named Jean Michelle. Oh, I remember he was like five' one and he had like the long shoulder length hair. Yeah. Is that him? Is that Jean Michel?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

J. Michel.

[Tom Segura]

That can't be the guy. Is it? This is what happens when you click on it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Let's see. A little child. He a child star?

[Tom Segura]

No, I have no idea.

[Christopher Torres]

I. I think so.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Big fat, obnoxious.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, yeah, he's got all those credits, but that's the photo.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Bizarre.

[Tom Segura]

That's his child.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He was an actor, I guess a child actor.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, can you look up, like, images of him as an adult?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Joe Millionaire. Remember that show? That was a good one. He did a ton of Temptation Island.

[Tom Segura]

Nah, that ain't him, bro. That's not who we're talking about. Let's see. No, there's no images of this guy. Huh? That's it. This is what we're seeing. Yeah. How does somebody. How can you do that in today's world where you're like, there's no images of me and you're in television.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, that's very rare.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's really crazy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Unless he had it scrubbed.

[Tom Segura]

That ain't him, bro.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It ain't him, homie. Dang weird.

[Tom Segura]

I'm telling you. I used to go to sound mixes with this guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I remember you telling me.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You'd be like, it's tonight. He comes in.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he's. He's a little dude. He'd get lit, too. He'd drink like three bottles of wine. And he's such a frog that he would sit in his. He had like a nice suite at the office and he had like a high powered air vent, so they would suck. He smoke in his office.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Mad respect.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And you see. Go like, shoot out of the ceiling.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I respect it. Yeah, I respect that. They still. They still stick to smoking cigarettes, the frogs. Yeah, Yeah. I think Eastern. Eastern European bros, too. A lot.

[Tom Segura]

A lot of people still do, actually. The Turks, Koreans.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't buy that vaping is somehow better.

[Tom Segura]

I don't think it is. I don't think it is something in your lungs.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. I'd rather smoke a leaf with chemicals on it than just the chemicals.

[Tom Segura]

Right. Let's just make smoking come back.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know. When do we get to start smoking cigarettes again, Tom?

[Tom Segura]

I think a lighter diagnosis in life.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like, if I get cancer again, it's kind of on. I think so. Because the kind that I had was rare. If it comes back.

[Tom Segura]

If it comes back, you tell them. I'll do all the things you're telling me and. Two packs a day.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

A thousand percent.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It.

[Tom Segura]

I had a good salad today. Took my meds.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Cigarettes.

[Tom Segura]

Smoked 15 cigarettes. I feel good.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I. I wonder. And this is gonna probably stupid thing to say out loud in my dumb brain, but, like, I wonder how many cigarettes are really that shitty for you. Like, what. What's the cancer number?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do you know? I. I bet you could get.

[Tom Segura]

Somebody knows somebody.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Somebody knows.

[Tom Segura]

One of you researchers knows. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Because there are people that get lung cancer that have never smoked a day in their life.

[Tom Segura]

Exactly. And then there's people who smoke a pack and a half a day and also don't get lung cancer.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Of course.

[Tom Segura]

What if, like, they know. They're like, it's three a day.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You can totally smoke. Three a day. You can. It's fine. You're not gonna die.

[Tom Segura]

You want a morning, noon, and night routine? It's fine.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

We gotta ask Dr. Drew.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, we could.

[Tom Segura]

Well, he's gonna give us some fucking answer they want us to hear.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It's not going to be the answer.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. My research. You just haven't researched it.

[Tom Segura]

My buddy Todd, he was saying the other day that he's been smoking like, 40 cigarettes a day for 16 years. And he's fine.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You read it. Read these. Did you read this report?

[Tom Segura]

Todd's wrong. All right. You ready to see the opener?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, hey. It's a. It's a. It's.

[Tom Segura]

Here we go.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's a woman. That's weird. Still can't poop. Yeah. Can't poop for like 48 hours. I have no idea why I took medicine. It's not working. Help. I'll help you.

[Christopher Torres]

Don't bring anyone mother into this.

[Tom Segura]

Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Mom.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Segura and Christina. Welcome to your mom's house. Still can't poop.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

48 hours after you've already taken the laxatives and no budge.

[Tom Segura]

What's your. What's the guideline here?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

All right, well, here's what I'VE done. I just.

[Tom Segura]

You're kind of an expert in this area. Go ahead.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I am. If the laxatives don't work, you're going to go ahead and just shove a suppository right up your ass. And that. That is a. Sure. I did. Yeah. For this last round of stuff, it took two suppositories to get Brown to come down. But then when it finally the dam opens up and you've got those. The. The oxy shits that you've been holding on to for days in the hospital. And then you come home and you'll. You know. You know that first post. Oxy.

[Tom Segura]

Oxy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Dude, that alone would.

[Tom Segura]

It almost makes drugs. Not worth it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

It's not. It's not. I wouldn't say it's not worth it, but it's almost not worth it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Because I feel like you just. You have to choose or being high.

[Tom Segura]

High is awesome.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

High is awesome. Oh, yeah, dude. And that Dilaudid, that was amazing. That was amazing. That was amazing.

[Tom Segura]

It's the all time greatest.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know, I know. I can remember right now, like, I remember the first time she gave it to me in my iv.

[Tom Segura]

I gotta find a doctor who'll come in the house and do it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

You guys want some dilata tonight before bed? Yes. It'd be awesome, man. Be awesome. So you would tell her suppository next.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, don't. Around 40, 48 hours. Just shove one in there. You don't have to let it melt all the way. Even sometimes it'll just burn your rim.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You've used suppository.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It just like stings your butt.

[Tom Segura]

I don't remember any stinging, really. I remember the discomfort of something being shoved up my ass. That's the part that I was really married to.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do you remember that?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That sucks.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Who did it? It Was she.

[Guest or Narrator]

Ha.

[Tom Segura]

A nurse? No. No. And it was. I mean, it was mortifying. And then you felt the shit coming and it came out like hot sludge.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, nice.

[Tom Segura]

And then the lady was like, oh, the nurse who's supposed to be a. She goes, oh, my God. She goes, you have so much hair back here. Oh. And the whole time she was like, oh, no. Oh.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, my God. That's not very nice.

[Tom Segura]

I know. She was older and I was like, what a. She was like, oh, Jesus, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

A bad nurse can make or break it can break your stay at a hospital. Yeah. A bag nurse like that.

[Tom Segura]

That is mostly good one.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I've brought great one here in Texas.

[Tom Segura]

It wasn't great.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, yeah. At the house. When I had one at the house.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, oh, oh. But at the hospital.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Amazing shout out. St David's always excellent. No problems there.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Dude. Well, what do you think? What would you tell her? Poop soup. Here's what you get to do. Poop soup just cleans you out when it's a little, like. Oh, this needs a little. I skipped a bump. One movement.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Then you take your laxatives.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And you take another round. And if nothing. Suppository.

[Tom Segura]

Suppository.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's what I do.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I don't have. I don't really have a constipation issue.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You have the opposite ever.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Nobody. You do like loose browns.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I've had loose browns. I know what causes them. Well, loose browns are high fat, usually.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Really? You think so? That's. After all these years.

[Tom Segura]

The thing that is a guarantee for me is, like, high fat, greasy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, it's gonna, like. I try to avoid that almost every situation I'm in now.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And that will prevent the loose browns.

[Tom Segura]

That'll prevent loose browns. Yeah. I just don't have a good gut for high fat. I don't.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's interesting. You know, you should really tell our GI doctor that. That finding. You still haven't mailed in your.

[Tom Segura]

I haven't mailed in my.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I wish you would.

[Tom Segura]

I know. Maybe it's a project for when I'm home for an extended period. Next. Take a nice long hot.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Don't you have to just scoop a.

[Tom Segura]

Little bit into, like, she gave me, like 15 vials. And there's also instructions about how much. Don't put in too little and don't put in too much. So specific. It's really cool. It's a cool thing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She's like, why haven't you given me back your.

[Tom Segura]

She told me that she left me a message. I don't have your poop. I don't have your poop. I need you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She's great.

[Tom Segura]

She is great.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You really got to get in there.

[Tom Segura]

I got to get my poop in there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

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[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When we were on vacation. I don't know if this is too personal. If you don't want me to share this, we can edit this out, but I've been listening to you dump through walls for years. 20 years. And I've never brought this up until recently when you. There's a point in your bowel movements where you go and you make an audible sound. What is happening at that moment?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. I don't know that I'm making that sound.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You do. You do.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know that I'm making that sound, though. So, I mean, you're telling me, like, what are you doing? I'm like, I don't understand.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's unconscious for. Yeah, because it sounds like.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, your description. Yeah, it feels like it's just relief. Like there goes all the work that I've been putting in. Done.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, it's. It's like. It's that. It's a sigh. Yeah. Yeah, that's it.

[Tom Segura]

So that. That to me sounds like I just was done pushing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This.

[Tom Segura]

Is that what that sounds like to you? Sounds like post push.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Relief, care and labor.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The contraction has gone. And then you let out the baby brown. Yeah. No, not too elevated. What you did before that. That's the sound.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that sounds like I just got.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Done pushing, but it's so loud that I can hear it.

[Tom Segura]

It's so loud. Wow.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And I can even hear it in our own home.

[Tom Segura]

I know that you heard a couple p Farts. Like when I would go pee and then fart. Because I actually had some pretty epic ones down there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Amazing farts.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When you pee.

[Tom Segura]

Last couple days, I was real bummed out that you weren't around for some of the stuff I had.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I was really bummed too, because I was browning non stop.

[Tom Segura]

You mentioned that it was a. I was sad that. To be so far away.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was so crazy.

[Tom Segura]

So crazy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Can you imagine? I mean, we talk about this all the time. That there are couples who don't fart.

[Tom Segura]

I don't understand. Because some of you have been in. Isn't that crazy? Are you in that camp?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's a lie.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, I was.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

I was the opposite.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

That. I was saying that I don't fart around my friends.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

But I will fart around a girl.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Because I don't understand the ones though, that do say, like. Yeah. You know, they're just like. Yeah, I don't do that. So it's like. So anytime. Like, let's say you have a gassy night.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You just. You get up 30 times to leave because you might fart or something.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Or what if you. What if you're peeing?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And then you let out some farts. And she can hear if you're in a hotel room. You're sharing a room. I'm gonna hear those farts.

[Tom Segura]

Of course.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Why are you pretending like it doesn't happen?

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

Mean, I have been with, like, a girl who I'm like, ah, I probably shouldn't do it with this one, you know?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

So then you kind of hide them, you know, in the. In the bathroom.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It doesn't work. It doesn't work. We know what you're doing.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

She didn't know.

[Tom Segura]

She was stupid.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Stupid.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Dumb broad.

[Tom Segura]

She didn't know she didn't smell so weird now.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But could you imagine, like, you guys go out to dinner, you're laying in bed watching tv, and then you're like, excuse me, I have to.

[Tom Segura]

Excuse me. Go wash my face again. I'm gonna go brush my teeth now. I mean, I forgot the floss.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

Wait, have you ever. Have you ever held it in, like, in the beginning, though?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like a week maybe.

[Tom Segura]

You were.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

I feel like it was terrible those far. When.

[Tom Segura]

When you finally release incredible farts. Insane. Yeah.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

It's like a bomb goes off.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

The whole house.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But. But imagine being in a relationship, a marriage, where that's the norm.

[Tom Segura]

That's what we do all the time.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You're holding in farts all the time.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And then you're just waiting until you're in the bathroom to rip. I can't imagine my stepmom would hold in her farts. My Second one. Sorry, I don't know. I'm on my fourth one. My second one. Because my dad would rip them.

[Tom Segura]

He didn't care.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He didn't give a. But if she never tooted, she was very ladylike.

[Tom Segura]

And if he fired in front of her, he was like, so what?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, she would pretend like, oh, no. So gross. And then he would laugh, I would laugh. And that. That's the fun.

[Tom Segura]

But she wouldn't do it in front of him.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Never in a gazillion years. I don't think he would allow that. Yeah, as a man, I don't think he would allow it. He let me do it because I'm his daughter.

[Tom Segura]

But he would have said that he's trying to bang or is banging. No way.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No way.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No way.

[Tom Segura]

Like, get the out today. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Right now.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's such a double standard, though.

[Tom Segura]

Of course it is. Yeah. It's insane.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You wouldn't forbid me from farting, would you?

[Tom Segura]

Could I even attempt to do something like that?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I would be devastated.

[Tom Segura]

I'd be like, saying, you're not allowed to breathe around here. There's no chance.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Devastating. Ben.

[Tom Segura]

Speaking of reality shows, this one popped up on my feed. I didn't remember this show, but this story was pretty incredible and I want to show it to you. It's from a reality show. Back in the day.

[Guest or Narrator]

In 2006, there was a show on FX where two families swapped races, produced by Ice Cube. So for six weeks, they had a black family become white and a white family become black. And then all six of them lived in a house together. The show had two purposes. One is to see what the world would be like if you had a different skin color. The other objective, which is the most bizarre part of the show, is to see if you would pass as the other race. Like this white girl who is trying to pass as black is given a black chaperone who shows her, like, how to be black, like, how to get a black boyfriend. The black family who becomes white, you can tell that they just think it's ridiculous. Like, when they see each other, they're like, why do we all look like Teddy Perkins? But then when the white family sees each other in blackface for the first time, they're like, so turned on.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's nice. I love black. I mean, visually and somehow heart wise. There's that warmth. Beautiful. Thank you. You look like a really nice man. Oh, my God. Really beautiful.

[Tom Segura]

This is, like, in love with this woman.

[Guest or Narrator]

The black dad who's in white face goes to a golfing range to see if they'll think he's white. And he's like, hello. Whites love those clubs. Where'd you get them? And they're like, why do you look like Jeffrey Dahmer with Amelia? And the white girl with the black chaperone has to see if she'll pass by writing and performing slam poetry.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I really love words. I do. And, like, to me, you can never have enough adjectives.

[Guest or Narrator]

Not looking good.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

A ritual so profound. The taste of sex. The body flush with hot and sticky. Fantastic.

[Guest or Narrator]

Little weird. Why is this white family so horny?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. Hold on.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

God damn.

[Guest or Narrator]

But no one in the show is worse than the white dad, Bruno.

[Tom Segura]

You know, hey, Nick, I look forward.

[Christopher Torres]

To having someone say, hey, you know.

[Tom Segura]

You'Re a son of a. I hate you. N. I'm kind of waiting for somebody.

[Guest or Narrator]

To go, hey, this man was dying to say it. Oh, my God, I couldn't wait. So to test if racism exists, Bruno goes to a car dealership in blackface, and he's disappointed because he wanted them to be like, hey, slave, you can't buy a car. And they didn't. So he says, racism doesn't exist. Then the white family goes in blackface to sit at a panel with black people to hear their experiences on racism. But this is what happens when the facilitator asks if anyone's been called a derogatory name.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I used to work as a doorman at a disco, you know, and.

[Christopher Torres]

If somebody came up intoxicated or didn't have the right dress on, you know, I say, come on, n.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

A lot.

[Christopher Torres]

More hostile and that. And I just, you know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm a.

[Christopher Torres]

You know, it just wouldn't affect me, and that would be the end of the conflict.

[Tom Segura]

He, like, he was dying to use it. Yeah, he used it in a clip thing 30 times, which means.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, that's a lot of filming.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You can see everyone around him's like, huh?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. For them to piece that together, you really gotta.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Dropped it a lot. Yeah. I love that. He was like, well, the big thing is I. I really enjoyed the pass that I got by putting this makeup on. That's my big takeaway.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, look, the one thing I'm wondering is, like, is the makeup convincing anybody? And how did they. I don't know that part.

[Tom Segura]

He does not seem convinced. The daughter didn't seem convincing. No, no, The.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The makeup is really my thing.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, they look. They look like they're white people in blackface is the way it comes across to me.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Does it look like that to you guys?

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

Oh, yeah, yeah. 100.

[Tom Segura]

Right. Like you go, oh, this is a white person wearing a costume.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

Yeah, the. The. Especially the. The black dude. I think the black dude's the worst. That's like trying to be a white dude.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

That looks like the Dave Chappelle skit.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

That's not even close.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I kind of. In this image, you know, this is also a heavily photoshopped image. Like, the mom seems kind of passable. And like, I think the daughter could pass. Yeah. But it's also like this still image when she. When you saw her actually live moving around.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, man, I'd be so nervous as a white person trying to pass for black. Oh, my God. Amazing. The kid looks good.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, they make them look better in this photo.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Than they did on camera.

[Tom Segura]

The woman just looks like a light skinned Black woman.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

100.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. They didn't. That's not a good job.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Oh, man, that's crazy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I would be so nervous.

[Tom Segura]

I want to see this show.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know, I know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Because what if they're like, are you wearing blackface makeup?

[Tom Segura]

No, no. What you talking about? About my skin right now.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, my God. Yeah, dude. Wow. They were so horny for each other. Did you see that?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's like, I love you.

[Tom Segura]

You're so beautiful. You seem like a nice man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You seem like a nice man.

[Tom Segura]

That was her flirting weird, dude.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

I mean, we're a production studio. Why don't we just remake it? Oh, we do it with the staff.

[Tom Segura]

It's a really good idea.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

White face.

[Tom Segura]

You'll do white face. Hi, everybody.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Hey, everybody.

[Tom Segura]

You have your white voice down.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

Oh, yeah, you kidding me? Hey, guys, how's it going? Beautiful day we're having.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, that's good.

[Tom Segura]

That's really good. Can you do a observations about the day?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, they love talking, chit chat, weather, the humidity.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

Honestly, the humidity is really what gets you. I got you.

[Tom Segura]

You got the whole white thing down. Who would you do in blackface? Huh? Who would you put in blackface?

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

Whoever wants to take the risk.

[Tom Segura]

No, but I mean, we're gonna go all out. I'm not like, who. We'd go all out. We would not do just some like, like tan, you know, like, we're not just gonna put like, like toner.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What would we do it? Like, would we make them take tanning pills? That's.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, no. I'm saying we would do that. We would do the skin tone. Yeah, we would do hair, but we would also do prosthetics, you know?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, yeah. Make it look. Yeah, they could have done prosthetics.

[Tom Segura]

Prosthetics. To, like, really convince. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. I mean, who knows? Maybe the makeup's so much better now that they. They do that.

[Tom Segura]

Anybody on the staff really want to.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Does anyone want to be black?

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

I'm pretty sure I know one person in here that would.

[Tom Segura]

Who's that?

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

Tanner.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

Like, the opportunity.

[Tom Segura]

Something tells me he would do what the dad did too. What's up?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, my God. Which one of the girls that's not gonna. Can I pass?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you should do it. That's a good idea.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Me?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I can't pretend to be black. I don't know why does dorkiest nerd.

[Tom Segura]

That's why you got to do it. You can understand what people have been through.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

You know, and then after that, I'll send you to this place.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, yeah, that's fine. Welcome to America. Tell me what you're thinking. Just so much. Kleenexes, please. I've always. I've always been interested in history and the history of black people. I took. I took afrocentric classes at UofL. My grandma lived at 2821 W. Kentucky St. I've read so many books, and now I belong to a church that's primarily African American, and I wouldn't be anywhere else.

[Tom Segura]

Beautiful.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Thank you. I know. You know what it reminded me of? When we went to the apartheid museum.

[Tom Segura]

In South Africa, and we were like, what? Yeah, everybody's up. Leaving there, dude.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's exactly what it reminded me of. When we. When I found this, I was like.

[Tom Segura]

I was so excited that someone was gonna hit her, though. Like, that's.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, like, start beating her.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, like someone just see a whip just go, yeah. She's like, ah, yeah. And they're like, welcome to America.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Get in the fields.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that was nothing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, they need to better. I agree. You know what, Tom? Yeah, you're right. Can I tell you why the apartheid apartheid museum was so effective?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Remember when you check in, they give you a card, and either you're a white, mixed, or black, and you have to go in a separate entrance. Colored, you have to go in a separate entrance. Dependent on that. And I was like, oh, that's so up. So that's just the beginning.

[Tom Segura]

Blanks.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Blancas. But anyway, yeah, they should have been beating her and reprimanding her.

[Tom Segura]

That. That apartheid museum is unbelievable.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, That's a real bummer, man.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. That one really gets the point across.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Then we did a show that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's it. That's where you enter in blancas. Non whites.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. You know. You know what, though? I do like how she rattles off, like, her black credibility, though. She's like, my Grandma lived on 4527 Martin Luther King.

[Tom Segura]

I go to a ch.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I like blacks.

[Tom Segura]

I swear, I've always had an interest in black. And the guy's like, okay, okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's like, you pass. You're a cool one.

[Tom Segura]

You're cool. I mean, obviously she's so traumatized, this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Lady, but obviously you're down with black people if you're willing to, like. Yeah. Go through that experience, you know?

[Tom Segura]

Of course.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But she still has to give her her credibility.

[Tom Segura]

She's carrying a lot with her, a lot of guilt.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

She's like, is there a reason you feel this way? I wasn't that nice in high school. So. Yeah. Here's a change of pace, though. You might like this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Sure.

[Christopher Torres]

My name is Christopher Torres, and I.

[Tom Segura]

Took a picture of this lady's behind.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You took a picture of my behind? Yes, I did.

[Tom Segura]

Yes, absolutely.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And what are you gonna do with that picture?

[Christopher Torres]

I'm not sure.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

Maybe later on I'll figure it out.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Okay. Awesome. You're going on tick tock.

[Tom Segura]

That's cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

All right. Hi. Tick tock.

[Tom Segura]

I'm creepy because I like beautiful women.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. You are the problem.

[Tom Segura]

I'm a problem?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Because I like beautiful women.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I'm not touching your body.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

All right.

[Christopher Torres]

You're not.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You're not. All right, I'll see you on take that.

[Christopher Torres]

All right, bye.

[Tom Segura]

That was kind of cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You've been to Saudi Arabia.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What would happen if he pulled that.

[Tom Segura]

In Riyadh, took a picture of a beautiful woman? I don't know. Depends where he falls in the hierarchy. I think he'd be allowed to if he was a certain. Had a certain last name.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Sure, sure, sure.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But that's cool that he's like, what, I can't take a picture of a beautiful lady?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No one's ever taken a picture.

[Christopher Torres]

My name is Christopher Torres, and I.

[Tom Segura]

Took a picture of this ladies behind. My name is Christopher Torres.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Let us. Behind.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I do love these soda machines that he's using, though. Aren't those the greatest? There's all those varieties.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God. You see them in movie theaters.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Because you can get diet cherry vanilla coke.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's so good. They should have these more places.

[Tom Segura]

It's really where's this fool at that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He gets to have that.

[Tom Segura]

Can you buy one of those?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Damn. Yeah. Can we get one for the office?

[Tom Segura]

How much are those?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's $30,000.

[Tom Segura]

How much is a Coca Cola Freestyle machine?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

God damn. I imagine the maintenance is.

[Tom Segura]

Is a. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Because all the syrups, all the carbonation you got to put in there. Yeah, that's no joke. But I do love the amount Coca Cola freestyle.

[Tom Segura]

All right, let's 7 100. Oh, 8100.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So expensive.

[Tom Segura]

That was a 9100 as a bird. Even better. How much are these?

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

No prices listed.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Dang. 20 doesn't give you any. Find the specs, bro.

[Tom Segura]

Come on.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It is really the maintenance that's going to kill you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They're probably super sensitive and I bet they get broken a lot. If anybody's listening and services these machines, the Croak. The Coke Freestyle machine. Will you let us know if the maintenance is a big one?

[Tom Segura]

This one looks like it's a bid.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Old ass one.

[Tom Segura]

That's yeah grand.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's a one too. It's all little and shit.

[Tom Segura]

You can't find out the. They don't.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Come on.

[Tom Segura]

Big nya Find says a grand. There's no way.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There's no way.

[Tom Segura]

It's not a grand.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's like a mini one or something.

[Tom Segura]

This is crazy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is a tiny one, dude. Why can't they make other things like this specific, you know what I'm saying?

[Tom Segura]

I'm gonna see if I can find it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They should make like a popcorn machine that has all the different flavors you could put on there too. Or candy. Why don't they have Freestyle candy machines?

[Tom Segura]

The brand new Freestyle machine is in the twelve to twenty thousand dollar range for an outright purchase. Some say it can be 15 to 20. Leasing placement example is 300amonth for people that just want to lease them.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, that's probably the smartest way to do it.

[Tom Segura]

When you see cost, it's not just the machine. You'll likely need to commit to a supply contract with Coca Cola. Installation, plumbing, ice machine capacity, connectivity, ongoing cartridges. Yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's a nightmare. It's expensive.

[Tom Segura]

Holy. All right, we'll look into it. Let's try getting one in the lobby. That sounds like a great idea.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Such a waste of money.

[Tom Segura]

Everybody can have special Coca Cola.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean if Coke wants to sponsor us and give us the machine.

[Tom Segura]

We've dealt with the Fortune 500s before. I don't know, dude. I don't know. I know you want to see Something wild.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, I know. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So I've somebody who just in the last few years started getting, like, real dad eyes, right? Like, my vision is declining by the minute, okay? And so every year I get my eyes checked out. Every year they go, they're worse. And every year they go, you need new prescriptions. And so they take my glasses and I get all new prescriptions. So now I wear them almost all the time. You know, I don't wear them on stage or anything, but most time I have them on I never had. Because I think glasses are so new to me. Meaning, like, I didn't start wearing them at all until I was over 40. I've always had this thing where I've just never felt comfortable with contacts. I've never done anything with contacts, you know, And I know a lot of people obviously use them, but then I saw this video and it's like, oh, made me want to not use contacts.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

More down. I don't like it. You can see. Can you lift it up a little bit? There's a. There's a third contact. Look down somewhere. We just removed two and a half contacts. You can see this piece coming out. There's more, dude. Goodness, how many? I don't know. There's actually a lot. Oh, God. There's a whole waddle there. I believe it. Oh, what is going on?

[Tom Segura]

They're just.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, my. Well, she forgets that she's got this book of record. Patience. Oh, gosh. We're delivering. To be remembered.

[Tom Segura]

She's got seven, eight, nine up there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You can say that again. Is she elderly? I think I've already counted more than 10 or 12. Oh, come on. No, I'm serious. She's old. Yeah, she's old. She's an old lady. We're mentally ill.

[Tom Segura]

The doctor removed a total of 23 contacts. Lady would forget to remove contacts before bed. And then they trap between her eyelid and eye. 23 just up there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm surprised she can still see without the infection raging through there. Bro, that's like my worst nightmare. That's why I will never fuck with contact.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

To touching your eye at night to get that thing out. And what if you forget? Or what if you don't wash it? You put your fucking finger in your eye two times a day at least. Fuck that. You know what I wouldn't even fuck with either is that Lasik shit. I know it's supposed to fix your shit. I know, but like, bro, they screw that up. They have and they have. I've seen like Pieces of documentaries on TikTok or whatever about people like up Lasik. Yeah, that's it, dude.

[Tom Segura]

That's it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Your eyes. You're done.

[Tom Segura]

You're done driving. You're done seeing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You're done.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

Yeah, my friend was kind of allergic to whatever medication they use for Lasik surgery, and he was blind for two weeks.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What?

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

Straight up blind?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What do you mean?

[Tom Segura]

Will you Google what are the possible negatives?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Are you talking about allergic? Did it.

[Tom Segura]

And she can't drive at night now. Who?

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

I have an aunt and she got Lasik like years ago.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And now she can't drive at night ever.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Cool.

[Tom Segura]

That's cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Right?

[Tom Segura]

Let's see what it. What the results say here. All right. Negative outcomes. Very common. Dry eyes that can reduce tear production.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Great.

[Tom Segura]

This can occur. Visual disturbances. Glare, halo, starburst, double vision.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's fun.

[Tom Segura]

Some people experience difficulty driving at night. Undercorrection or overcorrection. You still might need glasses or contact. Sometimes a second procedure is required. Flap complications. Removes a creating a corneal flap. If it heals poorly, it can lead to infection. Result in wrinkles or displacement of the flap. Regression. Eyes can gradually shift back toward your original prescription.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, no.

[Tom Segura]

Corneal ectasia. Rare but serious. Cornea becomes weakened, begins to bulge. May require specialty contacts or corneal transplant. Inflammation or infection. Risk is low, but it can happen. Loss of visual sharpness. A contrast sensitivity. Some people notice that While they have 2020 vision, things appear fuzzier.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, could you imagine?

[Tom Segura]

Or discomfort. Jesus.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You pay for that. You go through it and then this happens.

[Tom Segura]

Here's the less common, rare outcomes. This is what I'm talking about. Photophobia, light sensitivity. Problems with eye tracking. Incomplete correction in people with high prescriptions or thin corneas. Some patients report depression or anxiety after the complications. And you have dry. You have higher risk if you have dry eyes already. You have a thin cornea. You have high myopia or high hyperopia. You have an autoimmune condition. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No way.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. I'm like you.

[Christopher Torres]

I don't want to.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'd rather wear glasses. But I will say I'm pissed that you like this particular frame because that's.

[Tom Segura]

But I've had this one for a long time.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know. And now I can't wear glasses. Mine that are identical because then we.

[Tom Segura]

Look like double doors.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Dorks.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So I have to find clever ver like weirder ones.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And this doesn't look as good. I like mine that look like that.

[Tom Segura]

I understand you Understand?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You don't understand. Why don't you get different? Get some different shits, dude. Yeah, you know, you should get tiny ones. Like, real tiny, thin, tiny ones.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wire, Wire, wire. Looks cool.

[Tom Segura]

You know, I think the. All time. I mean, this is debatable, but greatest find that this show ever came up with is, what's up there, chomo?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, right?

[Tom Segura]

And we're always wondering, is his spirit alive? Is he still with us? You know, you look for signs. He is things in the universe.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Let me see.

[Tom Segura]

Where is he? Little things that happen. And you go, he's still there. He's here with us. And sometimes we're told that we. Somebody has discovered a new version of him.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's reincarnated.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, reincarnated. It's his son or somebody. So here's somebody who is accosting people that are minding their business, and therefore our. Our buddy Herc comes to mind. So let's just see where this guy goes.

[Christopher Torres]

Check these ass cowards out. Ass cowards. Check these people out. Ass you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's like, what? What did you say? Oh, hell no. That's in the south, bro.

[Christopher Torres]

Are you transgender person? On. On the. On the right. You look transgender with that hairstyle. You look transgender. Are you. Are you a man or female? I can't even tell the difference this day and age. You can't even tell the difference.

[Tom Segura]

Isn't that cool? I love this. Just people doing their own thing, sitting on their porch.

[Christopher Torres]

Are you a male or female? I. I can't even tell the difference.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Teenagers, kids.

[Christopher Torres]

But you can't even tell the difference this day and age. You know who's a male?

[Tom Segura]

Who.

[Christopher Torres]

Or who's actually.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, we got it.

[Christopher Torres]

Maybe you're transgender.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's not transgender.

[Christopher Torres]

So that person right there. That person right there supposedly is part of the Cul de Scientology. We still got to further verify that. He likes to call in, make baseless reports. That's what he likes to do. And he cheated. Yeah, he cheated. Supposedly.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Supposedly.

[Christopher Torres]

This is what I was told from a third party. He cheated at his swimming competition.

[Tom Segura]

He.

[Christopher Torres]

He took things that he's not even supposed to be taking during his swimming competitions. Supposedly.

[Tom Segura]

Supposedly. Okay.

[Christopher Torres]

Just like last winter. I have a video of him supposedly doing drugs. I don't know if that was drugs, but it definitely looked like it. Supposedly, you should handle your own problems. You should handle your own problems. Be a grown ass man. You act like a girl. All of yous act like girls. I've had somebody try to murder me with a car and you don't see me act like y'.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

All.

[Christopher Torres]

Y' all are a bunch of. Y' all are a bunch of weak ass females. That's exactly what. What y' all are. Y' all are weak ass females. Y' all are not men. Y' all are females.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. I'll say. This guy's got a lot of potential. Do we know anything more about him? Because I'm really feeling his style.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

He's great.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that's him.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

I discovered this man. He's.

[Tom Segura]

He's the best Sigma.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Sigma Chi audits.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, he's just going after Sigma Kai's mainly.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And Scientology.

[Tom Segura]

I think that's such a cool lane.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Also, the police that defend Sigma Kai. Oh, wow. So these are all Sigma Chi guys that he's exposing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, look at, followed by bro.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, start on the first one. Go to the first pin thing there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Stupid.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, good to see you. Let me not do this right now, man. I just graduated.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Can we.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

He walks around with like three cameras attached to him.

[Tom Segura]

Cool. And then just click the right arrow. Let's go to the next thing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is my first ever interaction with Sigma Cheatology fraternity. I was auditing the street vendor and.

[Christopher Torres]

Giving them compliments about their food when.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

A communist Hispanic guy and Oriental crackpot.

[Tom Segura]

Security guard from Sigma Chi came over in bark orders. Oh, yeah. This guy has a lot of the same DNA.

[Christopher Torres]

This is a public sidewalk.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's young, too.

[Christopher Torres]

On the public sidewalk. This is a public sidewalk.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know. I know.

[Christopher Torres]

To stand on a public sidewalk and film whatever I can film on the public sidewalk.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But, like, is there anything I can do for you?

[Christopher Torres]

No, nothing. Just making a video or something. None of your business. This is a public sidewalk. I have every right to stand on the public sidewalk and exercise my First Amendment rights. Yeah, you don't tell me what to do.

[Tom Segura]

You don't tell me. It's exactly. Wow. All right, close that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But you know what's really special? What is that we're getting.

[Christopher Torres]

I would like to thank you for having a great police chief and a great sheriff.

[Tom Segura]

Go ahead.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Is that we're getting this guy young.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. We can see him evolve into this, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes, because Herc, we caught him at the end of his career of menacing. And this kid, what's his name? He's young.

[Tom Segura]

He's the audit. He's the auditor.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The auditor.

[Tom Segura]

Can you scroll down?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is great.

[Tom Segura]

Do you ever see him?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know. I gotta see what he looks.

[Tom Segura]

Is that a woman there that he's accosting?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Please let it be A one report real news.

[Christopher Torres]

Why do you have to report fake news? Why don't you talk about how they have 50 of the budget? Why don't you ever talk about that.

[Tom Segura]

Same look he would get.

[Christopher Torres]

Report real news. Why do you have.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, that even sounds like it was insane.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know that real ragged, hard voice in here.

[Christopher Torres]

I have a thing. A trooper broke the law yesterday in Oklahoma and said that stamping a baby stamp on someone's face is a rape charge.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

What? Give somebody the stamp.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What? Huh?

[Tom Segura]

The stamp.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What? Yeah, do it, Tom. Do the porno. What? What?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What? You guys get over here and suck my dicks.

[Tom Segura]

There you go.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Isn't that. He says.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Dude, this guy is awesome.

[Tom Segura]

This guy's great.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Good find, Andy.

[Christopher Torres]

We're parked illegally.

[Tom Segura]

Quick, quick, quick, quick little ride down memory lane.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It brings back such good taunt, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Poor dog. Oh, dude. Yeah. Watch your brain on fire.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Oh.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

By the way, are you done? No, I'm sorry. Let me get. Let's get the giggles out first. Psycho Tim, you know how hard it is to pull a tooth out?

[Tom Segura]

That's a lot.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The roots.

[Tom Segura]

The amount of force that just took. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So he's not feeling it. So the amount of meth you've got to be on to not feel it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Cuz I've seen Hungarian dudes do this on the Internet.

[Tom Segura]

Vodka.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But they're drunk as. He doesn't look drunk, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That was really something, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's got like nice art on his ceiling.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The girl with the pearl earring or something on there.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that was awesome.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Remember when he's like. Oh, like a skinny woman, 112 pounds. Yeah. I can't wait for the Sigma Chi.

[Tom Segura]

Guy to start getting horny.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, me too. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Because right now he's just in his. I'm. I'm menacing the other guys.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Which is bold because five of those.

[Tom Segura]

Sigma Chi guys, they have really good dispositions, though. They were all kind of like the guys. The guy's like, can we? I just graduated.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They're so sweet.

[Tom Segura]

Did you just move along?

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

I found the. One of the rare videos where you see a little bit of him. That's him in the beginning.

[Tom Segura]

That's him right there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So they know him for like, there's traffic.

[Tom Segura]

That's a.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's a.

[Christopher Torres]

What's your name, sir?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

All right.

[Christopher Torres]

You're being video recorded too. Yeah, whatever.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

You don't see him again. But that's. That's around wearing the phone.

[Tom Segura]

So this is the cops pov.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

Yeah, this is a body cam, so it's showing him recording everybody else. Wow.

[Tom Segura]

University was of Washington, so he's up there. Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm sorry. It's Washington.

[Tom Segura]

Sorry. In the Seattle. So that's him, huh?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, that's in Meat Rattle.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, I thought they were in the South. They had a little y' all there. And. Well, I think those first ones were.

[Tom Segura]

In ucla, I said. I mean, the kid had a UCLA shirt, so that could have been, like, those Westwood frat houses, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. But yeah, like. Like Herc, he's all over the place. Yeah. He's moving. He's wherever the chariots go. Right? Exactly. For white chariots, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Thank God. I mean, that is the spirit of Herc out there. For sure.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

For sure. Yeah. I believe in reincarnation.

[Tom Segura]

I love the late the newscaster's face. She's like, out of here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Another crazy person ruining my thing.

[Tom Segura]

This guy. She's. Look at her. Look at her.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She's so over this. She's like, I have to do the story on the frat house. It's bad enough.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Crazy that he didn't hit the old lady back. That's the part where you're like, come on, man. Be. Be yourself.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You think so? Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

She came at him like. She came at him aggressively.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But would Herc hit a woman just.

[Tom Segura]

Like a Sigma Kai with a chick.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You got 390 likes.

[Tom Segura]

This is crazy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's it.

[Tom Segura]

That's it.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

That's all he does.

[Tom Segura]

Just lets them know I'm recording you.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

And if anyone ever wears long socks, that's. That's his big thing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

What does he say about that?

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

He's just like, why are you wearing long socks? That's stupid.

[Tom Segura]

You're stupid. Okay. That's pretty great ankle socks. Only for this guy. This is a really cool channel. I can't believe you guys.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, happy breathing, going up to the.

[Tom Segura]

Really late night food. Oh, and also going towards cops.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's another hurdle.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's meth. That's meth. Yeah. That's what Dr. Drew always told us.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

I'm telling you, man. I found this. I'm like, this is.

[Christopher Torres]

And then they claim they don't have enough officers.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christopher Torres]

Oh, I remember that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That.

[Christopher Torres]

That right there in the middle. I remember her, you ugly ass. I remember you.

[Tom Segura]

What.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do you think you are?

[Christopher Torres]

Let me. Let me figure out who the hell you are, and I'll ruin your life. Let me get your plate. California or Montana? C0P.LV. I'm gonna run your play. I'm gonna get all your information. I'm gonna get posters. Who the hell you think you are?

[Tom Segura]

This is awesome. This is one of the greatest days.

[Christopher Torres]

Learn about me. You will learn about me. Who the hell do you think you are? You will learn about me.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I like how the cops aren't stopping you.

[Christopher Torres]

All your. Who the hell you do do you think you are?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

All they have to do is go, sir. Off. You know.

[Christopher Torres]

Who the do you think you are? Let me get a good picture of your face. Run you through facial rec.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We get all your sweet.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's just a nice kid.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. He's like, God bless you.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

It's one of his classic threats. He says he's going to. He's going to run you through fa Facial wreck.

[Tom Segura]

Uhhuh.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

And he's going to find all your. Your information and he's going to post you online and expose you.

[Tom Segura]

That's cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So cool.

[Tom Segura]

Please keep a close eye on this guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Also another angry guy. Different scenario though, right there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm just shouting in your mouth for a second. So we can just have a video.

[Christopher Torres]

Without you screaming in the back.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Thank you.

[Christopher Torres]

Hey, suck my dick.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Hey, let's be respectful.

[Christopher Torres]

Suck my dick.

[Tom Segura]

You.

[Christopher Torres]

You're.

[Tom Segura]

There's gators. You.

[Christopher Torres]

What is wrong with you?

[Tom Segura]

You.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

You.

[Christopher Torres]

Show me your titties. You dumb. I'm on a boat. What the are you gonna do? I'm free.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm free.

[Christopher Torres]

Disrespect me?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You.

[Christopher Torres]

Yeah, you shut the up and look the other way.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You. What is going on? Dumb. Like, who's videoing the. He said this guy's trying to video the croc and then. Or whatever. I always get it mixed up.

[Christopher Torres]

Yeah, yeah, you dumb. You know who the you're talking to.

[Tom Segura]

Sharing a boat with this guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I would be so upset.

[Christopher Torres]

I know you know who the you're talking to right now. I'm done now I'll leave the hostel. You think I'm gonna get disrespected some goddamn hostel from some dumb. I'm the king of this boat. I'm the biggest jump out thing on this boat. I'll take all nine of you for that dump right there. Who the you think you're goddamn talking to? You dumb. I'm push him in the dumb stupid, aren't you?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I'm dumb.

[Christopher Torres]

I'm sorry about that. God bless.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Push him in the game, dude.

[Christopher Torres]

I mean, what are you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What do you do in that?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What do you do? The guy's throwing Beer cans at your head.

[Tom Segura]

The cool thing would be if somebody would hit him into the water.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That would be the best.

[Tom Segura]

That would be the. That would have been the sweetest moment of this video. Somebody just b hits him and then he goes off and then a gator comes in. They're like chomps him up. It's going.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Cuz I. If. If reincarnation is real, I might go out that way. Pushing this off a boat, him falling, getting eaten by a gator, and I go to jail. I might kill myself in jail.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, whatever.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It'd be worth it. It's fine to do that guy in for being a. Like this. Scaring women and stuff.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, that's an asshole. I mean, that's. Yeah, that's. And it looks like they're abroad somewhere, right? Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Where is this?

[Tom Segura]

Like, does it say where it is?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Australia? No.

[Tom Segura]

Well, no.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, we don't have it, but not America, definitely. Yeah. Well, yeah, it's cool how Americans act when they're abroad. It's always nice.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christopher Torres]

Till they got tagged with crazy American.

[Tom Segura]

Has break down and there's nobody down there actually. Does it. Does the name him. Does it actually. Do they figure it out? You know, somebody.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, but it says crazy American, so. Yeah. Foreign.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

I just mean that his bio said Florida.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, right. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Scroll down, just see if anything else jumps out. Yeah, it's like, we know his name is John. Yeah, got it. Yeah. See? Push him in the.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It would be attempted murder, but it would be worth it. This infuriated me. Yeah, it sucks. Find him.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah. I don't think it's that Nick guy, though. That's pretty wild, bro. That's really crazy. He really lost his. Very exciting. All right, Gene, it's time to go through what you've been pulling for us. So here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You go, Jack.

[Tom Segura]

There we go.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I heard you was looking for me.

[Tom Segura]

All right, so here's what you've been pulling and hopefully it's going to be a nice ride. Right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's all I know.

[Guest or Narrator]

Calm.

[Tom Segura]

That's fun. Those are fun.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is. This should have been in last week's episode, but Halloween. This is in Baltimore.

[Tom Segura]

Get out of me, bro.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's a good prank.

[Tom Segura]

Oh.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What the. That's fun for those listening. It's my. A guy in a Michael Myers mask pulling up next to people in traffic.

[Tom Segura]

And then looking really fun.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, that guy's so high. He was okay. So funny.

[Tom Segura]

Dude. That's great. That's really fun. That's pure, simple fun. That's a good One that's really good. And then he also has like the mega horn.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like the horn blaster thing. So people are more scared I might.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do this with the kids.

[Tom Segura]

That's fun in the car. They would love.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They would love this prank.

[Tom Segura]

They wouldn't like it done to them, but they love to watch.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I might do this. This is too fun.

[Christopher Torres]

You know what's crazy? I outlived Ozzy. I outlived Hulk Hogan. I outlived Macho Man, Randy Savage.

[Tom Segura]

Jesus.

[Christopher Torres]

I may be homeless, but I'm alive. Love life.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, that one actually made me happy.

[Tom Segura]

That's a really good perspective.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He's probably done a lot of drugs.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So many. Look at his poor little face.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But yeah, I like that. He's out in the sunshine riding his.

[Tom Segura]

Bicycle and he said it might be homeless. But I'm still alive. I love life. It's pretty cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Very life affirming. I'm not usually like that, but that's.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Very strange departure for you. But yes, I like that one. Good. Good job.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Where's the next one? Tom? No, I've been hanging out with this.

[Christopher Torres]

Dude a little while.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Didn't know he was freaking married first of all. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Him been fooling around and.

[Christopher Torres]

My broke out in a rash.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Thought it was something serious, so I went.

[Christopher Torres]

So I went to the urgent care, told him what was going on.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So they made me pee in a.

[Christopher Torres]

Cup, run some tests.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I thought it was something serious.

[Christopher Torres]

There was a test on me and everything.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It turns out it's just a bacteria infection.

[Christopher Torres]

So they gave me some medicine. Everything's gonna be fine.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Aren't you happy? Bird has a happy ending.

[Tom Segura]

Any. Would you.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

Oh my God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

On your most desperate. Your darkest hour, bro.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

You could. I'd rather. Honestly, I'd be gay before this.

[Tom Segura]

Holy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow. That's a YMH exclusive. Where's the sound effects for that?

[Tom Segura]

Everything else after this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow. That is cats eating chips in a bowl. I never.

[Tom Segura]

And he's now gay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You heard it here first.

[Tom Segura]

Holy. So that's how bad this is. This is the worst thing you've ever seen in your life.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

Literally in my head I was just thinking, who the smashed this?

[Tom Segura]

Who who did that?

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

There's no way, man.

[Tom Segura]

This is also too. What? I also, you know, I, I, I'm sorry, I just have to say this. There's young men out there, some even not so young, that are frustrated. I can't get laid. I can't get laid. I just want to get. You can get Laid. You can get laid. There's someone out there that'll. You. You. You're just not putting yourself in enough situations.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's a no, man. But also, remember last episode with Ryan, we were asking who is having sex with the pudding guy?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm thinking the love match here.

[Tom Segura]

I think she might see the pudding guy and go like.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm connecting some dots. Yeah. Oh.

[Tom Segura]

You like that, baby?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Dirty orange. Yeah, she would, though. She nasty as hell. She liked that.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It was. But it's just a bacterial infection. It's fine.

[Tom Segura]

It's fine.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You just take some drugs.

[Tom Segura]

We're all good now.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Stupid.

[Tom Segura]

Whoa.

[Christopher Torres]

Hell yeah. Damn, bro.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's the. I just like this dude.

[Tom Segura]

That was badass.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. That's kind of rad, right?

[Tom Segura]

Good. That's a good role. He did a good front.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah, dude, you threw. He threw his shoulder down the way you're supposed to.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's a jiu jitsu. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And he didn't, you know, it land on his head or neck. It was perfectly executed. Big man could do it, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, dude. This guy crashes.

[Tom Segura]

He kind of crazy enough. He kind of looks like her. All right, here's the next one.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Hey, you guys know when you guys catch a cool little buzz and then you got the munchies for you? Better to eat some food. I'm about to eat some food right now. I cut a cool little buzz, you know. Yeah. Better call it a night. Love her so much. I miss LA for you.

[Tom Segura]

I want you obsessed with me.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I love her. I miss LA just for this.

[Tom Segura]

So great.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I love cholas, dude. Fool. Oh, I forgot about this guy.

[Tom Segura]

It's crazy because this is who people should fear the most, you know, Ease easily. We still haven't had a blink yet.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Or a purpose to the top.

[Tom Segura]

That was 15 seconds. No blink. Just dolls that had the same expression that he has.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Don't you think that the FBI should just go through tech talk and find these accounts?

[Tom Segura]

You don't think they're aware of him?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Straight in.

[Tom Segura]

I'm sure they have a whole file on this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I would hope so. Just bang the door down. Just find the bodies. Find the bodies. Find the bodies. Yeah.

[Additional Guest or Staff Member]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's got women that look like that in his house.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Christopher Torres]

Happy birthday.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Imagine the breath on that mouth.

[Tom Segura]

We've been married 13 years. In two and a half months, I want to be a hundred years old. She's loving life.

[Christopher Torres]

I've never seen a more beautiful woman in my life than this one.

[Tom Segura]

I never walked up to a strange woman in my life. Sure. And I was backstage at the Emmys, I guess, SAG Awards, just waiting to go on. She walked by without even thinking.

[Christopher Torres]

I jumped to him and said, hi, I'm Dick. And I found out she was a.

[Tom Segura]

Makeup lady, hired her, and now we've been married 13 years. And I couldn't be happier.

[Christopher Torres]

Happy birthday, sweetheart.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Thank you. Thank you for coming to my birthday party. They brought me a cake. You want to sing Happy Birthday to me again?

[Tom Segura]

Happy birthday.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay, so thank you for coming to my birthday party. You're married, dummy. You don't think he's gonna come to your birthday?

[Tom Segura]

So that means they met when he was 86.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And she was 41. Right. So imagine you basically meeting an 86 year old who's like, hello, Hey, I noticed your lipstick.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And that's why she. But she was going, how old are you? 80. What?

[Tom Segura]

Well, she also didn't have to go, how old are you? She looked at him, she was like, oh, here's a guy on death's door.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Of course, 86, of course. And she's like, oh, dude, I have to put in maybe a handful of Bee Gees BJ's. Yeah, he's gonna be out of here in no time.

[Tom Segura]

He's got tops. She was probably thinking like two years.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, dude, you know, and now he's.

[Tom Segura]

Like, no, I turn a hundred. She's like, that's great. Are you happy you're here at the party? Do you want to sing again? To you?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This poor woman.

[Tom Segura]

Holy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She couldn't.

[Christopher Torres]

Whose uncle at the top and auntie at the bottom is this God damn Donkey Kong booty.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You like that one?

[Tom Segura]

That was great. Who's uncle at the top, Auntie on the bottom. That's crazy, bro.

[Christopher Torres]

This is a message for the FBI. I am no longer at my house. I am no longer occupying. Occupying my domicile. You will not find me. I am loose. I have all my devices with me.

[Tom Segura]

Good to know, good to know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But like, I mean, I guess if the FBI is checking your TikTok account, that works.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. If the FBI is like, hey, we see what Chuck's up to. Today's like, he's not home anymore and he's got all these devices.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, but just Chuck, just so you know, I reposted this as a story on my Instagram.

[Tom Segura]

And you tagged the FBI, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Of course.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, of course, of course.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's who I want on me is the FBI.

[Tom Segura]

Feds check them out.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's who I want.

[Tom Segura]

Here we Go. Here you go.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What made you think that was a good shirt to wear to court this morning? That's all you could find? That's all the only shirt you had in your closet? World's best parter. That's great. No, it says. I can read it. I see what it says at the bottom. You're in felony court. You need to dress appropriately to felony court. And that's not appropriate? No, no, that's not what it says. It says.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, father. There's also, like, a direct correlation between how you end up in felony court and what you think you should wear to court. You know, like, there's a reason you're there, and you're probably like, what?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, there's a disconnect in logic.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He was just. I mean, shit. Oh, like, really? You never stopped for a blink of an eye in the mirror thought you were wearing your fart shirt to fucking felony court? All right, cool, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Could you imagine? Isn't. Isn't there a law against that? Like, showing up disrespectfully in front of a judge?

[Tom Segura]

It's not a law.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You should be penalized for not dressing appropriately in court.

[Tom Segura]

You get penalized by the. The judge's discretion. So the judge feels like it is a complete insult to her and her court, so she's going to dress him down, which is what she's doing. Reminds me of the guy. You remember, the guy who was like, sorry, you're on. He was doing the video one, and he's like, hey, you have a. Like a failure to appear and you have a revoked license. Are you driving right now? And the guy's like, I just parked. He's like, yeah, you can't drive. He's like, you see, it's like his shoulders drop. He's like, he just forgot. He forgot.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, it can happen. You get convicted of a thing, and.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I don't think it was felony court, but this is wild. This dude might be. You know, this could be a serious crime.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, for sure.

[Tom Segura]

I wear my fart shirt stand before the judge today.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, I think they should fine you for showing up in court like this, and they should fine you on airplanes for showing up in your pajamas.

[Tom Segura]

What kind of fines you talking about?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Something small. 100 bucks if you show up in your pajamas and. And slip. Slips. You should. You either got to go home and change and wear normal clothes or you.

[Tom Segura]

Flight clothing is appalling.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Get the out of here.

[Tom Segura]

Really crazy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You can put on pants, dude.

[Tom Segura]

I know, I know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You don't need to wear a bikini on the planet.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, this was fun. But we got a wrap. We still have a full day.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

This was a lot of fun.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I love you. And I don't love your glasses. I wish you would choose different frames so I can go back to wearing mine. That are. You got cool.

[Tom Segura]

Neil Brennan's on today.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Those are not. Don't. See, this is the problem. I want my old glasses back. It's my look, and you stole it. It's my look. Everybody knows I wore those before you did, and I can't find a pair that I like as much.

[Tom Segura]

Just have to deal with it, bro. Shout out to Diabetes Barbie and thank you all for. Oh, my God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That was synergy. We both did it at the same time.

[Tom Segura]

Beautiful moment. It was a beautiful moment. And, yeah, we'll see you out there soon. What is this?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This comes out November 5th.

[Tom Segura]

In a few days, in a week, I'll be shooting my Netflix special if you're in the Milwaukee area. Oh, my God. The Saturday shows are sold out, but I think there's still tickets for the Friday show if you want to come.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And Milk Donkey.

[Tom Segura]

It's Milk Donkey, and it's going to be on Netflix. All right, bye.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

My new lipstick. I love you. Bye.

[Tom Segura]

See you next time.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Speech pathologists call it a disorder? Disorder, disorder, disorder, disorder, disorder, disorder, disorder.

[Christopher Torres]

Disorder, disorder, disorder.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She's a little vocal Fry there.