Is It Gay To Drink Matcha? | Your Mom's House Ep. 839

Summary

Podcast Summary

Your Mom’s House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Episode 839: Is It Gay To Drink Matcha?
Release Date: December 10, 2025
Hosts: Christina Pazsitzky & Tom Segura
Studio: YMH Studios

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Main Theme

This episode of "Your Mom’s House" finds married comedians Christina P. & Tom Segura riffing on personal stories, social absurdities, and their signature irreverent humor. The conversation spans everything from the etiquette of drinking matcha, garage safety tips, and kinky subcultures, to drug use, dubious business proposals, and viral oddballs on TikTok. The hosts blend observational comedy with provocative questions, wrapping up as always with clips from the internet’s strangest corners.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Glasses Drama & Signature Looks (00:48 - 02:30)

• Christina laments how Tom started wearing similar glasses, creating a “twinsies” look she tried to avoid for fear of seeming “lame and gay.”
• There’s a playful (but real!) debate about who in their world wore them first.
  • “I can’t let my fear of your disapproval govern the glasses I wear.” – Christina (01:22)
  • “Now people are gonna think we’re like, twinsies. And that’s on you, because I had them first.” – Christina (01:52)
• Josh Zolo (producer) is roped in for historical documentation.

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2. Bold Gifts & Absurd Shirts (02:43 - 04:13)

• Christina gifts Tom an offensively worded shirt, prompting discussion about social boldness:
  • “When am I supposed to wear that? To the gym? Retard to the HEB?” – Tom (03:29)
  • “Would you jog with it and see what happens?” – Christina (03:38)
• They note the trend of “bold” Instagram apparel and Tom’s apprehension over how public reactions could spiral.

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3. Viral Video: Rant against Fake Instagram Followers (04:34 - 07:13)

• The “I got fire, I got beer, and I got some joints” guy laments bots, fake women, and values authenticity.
• Christina & Tom praise his “discovery” of the internet's darker side, empathize with his anger; Christina: “He just learned the Internet.” (07:08)

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4. The Pajiti Effect & Self-Care Debates (07:48 - 10:34)

• Christina details an epiphany: you can mix tea bags for immunity and throat soothing—why choose?
  • “Why can’t I have both?” – Christina (10:12)
• Tom is shocked by this “blending” concept—neither he nor their staff (Annie) had considered combining flavors.

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5. Is It Gay To Drink Tea (Or Matcha)? (13:13 - 17:16)

• Is “tea” itself gay? Christina jokes it’s not, citing Shaolin monks, but matcha?
• Discussion of matcha’s cultural origins and perceived “gayness” for white people, versus acceptability for Asian drinkers.
  • “If you’re Asian, it doesn’t make you gay to drink matcha. But if you’re white, particularly a white woman and you’re drinking matcha, you’re gay.” – Christina (16:56)
  • “If you’re a white man drinking matcha…You’re officially gay.” – Christina (17:08)
  • Tom: “I feel like I want to try it and see if I feel gay when I drink it.” (17:11)
• Spiral into boba, authenticity, and cultural appropriation.

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6. Garage Safety & Paranoia (17:39 - 29:08)

• Larry from “Prepared Not Paranoid” offers tips: shorten garage pull cords, use lock-out features, and always lock the inner door.
  • Christina shares her mom’s “lock the door” paranoia (19:01) and the humor in taking preparedness too far.
• Zip ties can add security, and the dangers of being distracted in public (e.g., on phones) prompts talk of situational awareness.
• Christina jokes about tactical vests and the Texas-friendly arsenal needed for grocery shopping.
  • “You’ll have lights, pepper spray, a stun gun, night vision goggles… All right, I’m ready to go out.” – Tom (29:08)

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7. Viral Accountant with Swagger & “N-Bomb” Conversation (31:30 - 34:01)

• Tom and Christina play a clip of a Miami accountant whose friend nonchalantly drops the N-word, provoking conversation about boundaries in interracial friendships and confidence.
  • “Is it ever acceptable in your friendship with a black person, as the white person, to drop the N bombs?” – Christina (33:13)
  • “I think that’s case by case…” – Tom (33:21)

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8. Fart Fetish Podcast & Marriage Flatulence (36:17 - 39:45)

• Spotlight on “Raj,” host of the Fart Fetish Podcast: the roots of his kink are discussed, including family openness and intensity of smells.
• Christina compares her own tolerance for Tom’s “diabolical” farts and wonders if their marriage would improve with a “Raj attitude.”
  • “Your farts are diabolical. Especially lately.” – Christina (36:58)
• They riff on the normalization of such kinks and speculate on the economics of fart-based delivery services.

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9. Wild Internet Clips: Pizza Farting, Hornet Attacks, Nut Trauma & More (40:49 - 52:47)

• What would you do if your delivery driver farted on your food? Discussion about potential commercial applications of fart fetishes.
• Reaction videos include:
  • Hornet attacks (“Hope he went into anaphylactic shock.” – Christina, 45:27)
  • Skateboard fails and testicular trauma (“That’s testicular trauma. Yeah, he might be going to the hospital.” – Tom, 47:32)
  • Ball-kicking domination videos and Christina’s preference that the sub is “not too pathetic.”

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10. Naming Your Baby Adolf Hitler (53:01 - 58:38)

• Tom shares the story of a Namibian politician called Adolf Hitler Unona, who has to change his name.
• Spiraling into U.S. naming laws around “Hitler,” with wild examples of Nazi-inspired baby names and child abuse.
  • “It’s really tarnishing the Hitler name.” – Tom (57:39)

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11. Mental Illness & “Everyday Crazy” Among Us (59:07 - 66:09)

• Video of a well-dressed but clearly unwell man on Toronto streets sparks reflection on who passes for “normal.”
• Christina asks: “Is this what I sound like when I talk about aliens?” (63:41)
• Tangent: public nudity in Canada, city-by-city laws, and social progressivism.

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12. Drug Education: Crack vs. PCP (69:40 - 75:53)

• Tom and Christina dissect the differences between crack and PCP, using a candid street interview as contrast.
  • “PCP gets you up for real… I don’t want to hear anymore.” – Christina (70:15)
  • “Don’t get into crack if you’re broke. Get a good job, save your money, buy a bunch of crack, and then have fun.” – Tom (75:34)

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13. Oddball TikTok Roundup (80:44 - 87:23)

• Clips include:
  • A guy “tired” in a chair, getting pranked.
  • A punker whose girlfriend threw out all his drum kits and cacti; he barters for help via social media.
  • Squirting through bedsheets TikTok and the pros/cons of missing teeth in sexuality.
  • Rants about “cringe words” like “moist,” “yurt,” “jot,” “fashionista.”

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14. How to Handle Police Encounters: “Shut the F* Up”** (91:00 - 92:11)

• TikTok legal advice: no matter the situation, “shut the f*** up!” and don’t talk to police.
  • “This should be played on the news… It’s true, because I mean, you have a bit about it—on The First 48, nobody goes, I want to speak to my lawyer.” – Christina (91:38)

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15. Clown Fears, Family Banter, and Closing Thoughts (92:22 - end)

• Endless roasting of producer Annie for his “clown nose,” jokes about different “types” of clowns, and lighthearted affirmations of love for “clowns of all creeds.”
• Christina and Tom recap the episode’s hard-won lessons in security and self-care:
  • “We learned about safety… Get a feel for the area. Be safe out there.” – Tom (94:04, 94:33)
  • More fart noises ensue, and they promise to be back next week.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “I can’t let my fear of your disapproval govern the glasses I wear.” – Christina (01:22)
• “If you’re Asian, it doesn’t make you gay to drink matcha. But if you’re white, particularly a white woman and you’re drinking matcha, you’re gay.” – Christina (16:56)
• “When am I supposed to wear that? To the gym? Retard to the HEB?” – Tom (03:29)
• “You should be wearing toe shoes… What if you have to run? I mean, if you gotta hit the deck…” – Christina (22:42)
• “No, dude, the PCB gym would be so rad.” – Christina (72:36)
• “Don’t get into crack if you’re broke. Get a good job, save your money, buy a bunch of crack, and then have fun.” – Tom (75:34)
• “If you’re listening right now, [the legal advice TikTok] is funny. But it is true.” – Tom (91:47)
• “Women are wearing short shorts and I look and they get mad. Everything stems to that. That’s the religion.” – Christina (66:36)
• “We learned about safety… Get a feel for the area. Be safe out there.” – Tom (94:04, 94:33)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:48 – Glasses Drama
• 02:43 – “Bold” Gifts/Offensive Shirt
• 04:34 – Internet Rant: Bots & Followers
• 07:48 – The Pajiti Effect & Tea-Mixing Revelation
• 13:13 – Is It Gay to Drink Tea/Matcha?
• 17:39 – Garage Safety, Lock Tips, and Paranoia
• 31:30 – Miami Accountant & N-Word Discussion
• 36:17 – Fart Fetish Podcast / Flatulence in Marriage
• 40:49 – Pizza Farting Viral Videos & “Fart Delivery” Brainstorm
• 45:27 – Hornet Attack
• 47:32 – Skate Accident, Nut Trauma
• 53:01 – Naming Your Baby Adolf Hitler
• 59:07 – Everyday Crazy: Toronto Rant
• 69:40 – Drug Education: Crack vs. PCP
• 80:44 – TikTok Oddities & “Cringe Words”
• 91:00 – “Shut The F*** Up” Legal Advice
• 92:22 – Clown Banter & Episode Recap

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Tone & Language

The tone is sarcastic, irreverent, and gleefully boundary-pushing. Christina and Tom tease each other, the studio staff, and internet personalities with palpable affection beneath their layered sarcasm. There’s frequent digression and callback humor, with a style that leans heavily into observational comedy and cultural satire.

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode:

This chaotic, fast-paced episode is a ride through topics both absurd and thoughtful: What does it mean to care about safety versus getting paranoid? Can something as harmless as matcha denote gayness? What, if anything, can we learn from viral weirdos and fringe kinks? There’s no real "answer," but Christina and Tom will make you laugh, gasp, and—occasionally—google if those names, products, and life choices are for real. Stick around for the endlessly inventive TikTok round-up, and you’ll realize: there’s nowhere quite like Your Mom’s House.

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Transcript

[A]

Well, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

Close your eyes. Exhale.

[B]

Feel your body relax, and let go.

[A]

Of whatever you're carrying today. Well, I'm letting go of the worry that I wouldn't get my new contacts in time for this class. I got them delivered free from 1-800-contacts. Oh, my gosh. They're so fast. And breathe. Sorry. I almost couldn't breathe when I saw the discount they gave me on my first order. Oh, sorry. Namaste. Visit 1-800-contacts.com today to save on your first order. 1-800-contacts.

[B]

Welcome to another episode of your mom's house. I'm Tom. She's Christine. How are you today?

[A]

I'm feeling great, Tom, because I feel like I've reclaimed myself today.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

What are you doing?

[B]

Cleaning my glasses.

[A]

Your glasses? Funny, because, you know, I've had these glasses for, like, a decade, and it's like my signature look. And then you came into the glasses scene later, and you chose very similar.

[B]

No frames. This is nonsense. This is. You're making mistakes.

[A]

So then I thought, you know what? I'll let Tim have the glasses shine for a while. I will retreat for from wearing mine. And now I realize I love these so much. I can't. I can't let my fear of your disapproval govern the glasses I wear.

[B]

This is just bananas. You did not.

[A]

But we. Look.

I'm sorry. I didn't start these.

[B]

No.

[A]

Between the. In our world.

[B]

In our world, I had them first. Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wrong.

[B]

No, you're wrong.

[A]

No, I had glasses.

[B]

Wrong.

[A]

I had glasses before you. And I chose these frames before.

But now people are gonna think we're like, twinsies. And that's on you because I had them first. You can take them off now. You can choose another.

[B]

You don't have a good memory. I remember that.

[A]

About that. Wow. I remember, guys, you've been here. Josh Zolo, long time. Who wore glasses first? These particular frames, I can't remember. No, look it up. Look in the vaults. I want someone to research it. Yeah, he is, right.

[B]

Yeah. He can't remember. That's right.

That's real, right?

[A]

Silly.

[B]

Yep.

Well, I'm back. Yeah, you're back. It's just absolutely ridiculous.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, I see me in glasses.

[A]

That's because I stopped wearing them because I felt like we were twinsies. And it felt super gay and lame, and I didn't want to be.

[B]

Okay, enough, Enough. Thanks for the shirt you got me yesterday.

Just so you know, I had a thoughtful gift. I gave you a framed photo yeah, that was really nice.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you're like, oh, cool. And then you go, hey, I got you something. I go, oh, cool, it's a shirt. And I go, great. And then you walk in with a yellow shirt. And I was like, that's kind of interesting. And then I open it up and you know what it says on it?

[C]

Retard.

[B]

In huge black letters. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Well, you should look up the company. I should give them a shout out. Cause they're doing really bold designs.

[B]

Bold. It's a bold design.

[A]

It's a yellow shirt with the black word retard on it.

[B]

That's a bold design.

[A]

I found them on Instagram and they do. They say a lot of other things about.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I really liked it. You don't like your gift?

[B]

No. That was really neat. When am I supposed to wear that to the gym? Retard to the heb. Just, hey, I'm a retard. That's your idea.

[A]

When you're traveling the R word, why not jog in the neighborhood with it and see what happens?

[B]

I know what'll happen. I'll get an email.

[A]

Is this a. It's not. I didn't create it. It's an actual company. I'll look it up.

[B]

Swing for the retarded. Is that what that says?

[A]

No. Yeah, I swear. Are you retarded? It's a company. It's on Instagram. I found them.

[B]

All right.

[A]

This is real funny. Would you please wear it jogging once? What do you think? You know, like that guy.

Who you have the story about?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Like, a guy like that would be really stoked.

[B]

He might be like, oh, interesting. Yeah, it's a. It's a bold design you have on.

Well, this guy. This guy's bold. Let's open the show with this guy.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

You're.

You. You fat.

[A]

I'm money.

[B]

I got fire, I got beer, and I got some joints.

[A]

Hell, yeah, dude. You're not getting my friendship if you're.

[B]

Gonna be a fake ass.

[A]

Yeah, listen up, all right?

[B]

I lost a lot of followers, but you probably fake ass robots that everyone keeps talking about.

[A]

Yeah.

I'm a hot.

[B]

That has. I'm a hot ass chick showing her boobies and showing her half her body.

[A]

L.

[B]

Who is Randy?

[A]

Don't bring anyone, mother.

[B]

He's got a point. He's got a point.

[A]

So silly. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura.

And Christina P.

Welcome to your mom's house. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Meow, meow.

[B]

You. You fat.

Cool, right?

[A]

But he's not wrong. Everything. He's. He's like, I got weed, fire, got.

[B]

Some beers, I got a hat.

[A]

I got like, what else do you need?

[B]

You don't need anything else.

[A]

You don't want fake ass friends. You don't need them.

[B]

He thought he made it clear. I don't care. She has five followers, zero posts, and it's new, so. Yeah.

[A]

And then they follow me.

[B]

You want me to follow that? Yeah, how about get some that have 18 million followers? Yeah, and then send me the fucking hot chicks.

[A]

I'm like, the hot chicks are bullshit.

[B]

They're all fake. Fucking bullshit, man. Yeah, so you can go. A goat's asshole. Actually go fuck a dead ghost hat. Oh, wow. Found on the Farmer's Road. And it. You scamming motherfucker. Fuck you.

[A]

Yeah, I, I. What I feel is that he just learned the Internet.

[B]

He learned about bots. He learned about, you know, he also, I have to say, though, you know, he's like, these, these ho accounts. Fuck those.

[A]

He's real upset because he. But I understand that. He's like, you tricked me. I thought you were into me. You're not into me.

[B]

You're fake robots.

[A]

Fake lady. Yeah, I get the anger.

[B]

I'm going to sit here with my fire, my joints, my beer.

[A]

God damn, dude.

[B]

He's cool. Yeah.

[A]

I'd kick it with it.

[B]

You're. Yeah.

You like that?

[A]

I do.

[B]

You get him a shirt.

[A]

Oh, for sure, dude.

[B]

I'm sure he'd like it.

[A]

For sure. Listen, can I. I need to address this before I lose his. Gets out of my mind.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I had a pajiti effect right before we started rolling.

[B]

Oh, my goodness.

[A]

Yeah. Timing is of the essence. You want to.

[B]

Of course.

[A]

Yeah. We got to address.

[B]

Yeah.

What's up?

[A]

I thought I get a sound effect.

[B]

Oh, you get a sound effect. Okay. Sorry.

[A]

Cat's eating kibble. Yeah, dude, it's just that big.

[B]

It's a big deal. What is it?

[A]

Annie, are you there?

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

Where is he? And he's got a. He's got a clown nose on.

[A]

Stop it. You did not show up with a clown.

[B]

Are you wearing a clown nose?

[D]

It's just an accessory. Life. I like the style. Jesus, man, it matches my hat. What are you talking about?

[B]

You're a real clown. You know that?

[D]

Not cool, man.

[B]

You're clowning around.

[D]

Not cool.

[A]

Car full of clowns.

[B]

Pulled up in your clown car today.

[A]

Loud music, clowns.

[D]

Unbelievable.

[B]

Playing their clown tunes.

[A]

Talking in movie clowns.

[B]

We're getting so close.

[D]

So close.

[B]

Pull your clown pants up.

[D]

I can see the letters forming.

[B]

Yes. C, L, O, W, N. I think.

[D]

There'S some more forming in there. Yeah, I think so.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

You know, if you see a clown car roll up, you can always just.

[B]

Pull away from the gas station with.

[A]

The pump still in your gas tank. Yeah, you can. It'll cost you, but you can.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

How much to replace the.

[B]

I know how much Chevron says. Hey, I know you got scared when that clown car pulled up, but you did some massive damage to this gas station.

[A]

Yeah, it's gotta be for. Okay, but. Sorry.

[B]

Oh, yeah. What's your effect, man?

[A]

Bro. So, like, I'm a little under the weather today, so I brought some throat coat and some. Which is disgusting. I know.

[B]

It's a disgusting name.

[A]

It's a disgusting name.

[B]

It feels like it's jizz.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. They know better. They know what they're doing.

[B]

Yeah. We want to coat your throat.

[A]

Throat come. Yeah. So it was either throat coat or immune. Zoom. Listen to me. Are you listening?

[B]

I'm listening.

[A]

So I came here, I did the cup, and then I go, now it's Sophie's choice. Do I want better immunity or do I want my throat coated for this performance? But then I had a thought, bro. I was like, why can't I have both? Why can't I have.

[B]

It's not Sophie's choice.

[A]

Right. It's not binary. It is not Pepsi or Coke. I can have both things in my cup at one I'm having.

[B]

That's what you've done.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Have you thought that?

[B]

Well, have you mixed flavors in tea? I don't think I have.

[A]

You can do that.

[B]

You can do that.

[A]

You can make chamomile orange, mixed berry, green tea. You can do whatever the you want. Dude.

[B]

You can do that with juices, too. You could take orange juice and put grapefruit juice in it together. You don't have to select one. You can mix them. Listen up. I've tried every pair of men's run of the mill underwear on the market. Christina swears by skims, so I had to give them a shot when their men's line dropped. I tried the men's 3 inch cotton boxer brief. And there's no sagging, bunching, or rolling up on the thighs. Long gone are the days of awkward adjustments. They're exactly what I need to feel secure downstairs on days when I'm traveling and. And constantly on the move. Trust me, it's time to toss your boxers from college and give your top drawer a refresh. Your lady dude or non binary significant other will thank you. The vote is unanimous. All the guys in the office are wearing these and they love them. Shop the best underwear for men and [e-mail] let them know we sent you. After you place your order, select podcast in the survey and select our show to your mom's house in the drop down menu that follows. And if you're looking for the perfect gifts this season, the Skims holiday shop is now [e-mail] the holidays are here.

[A]

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[B]

That's a real good one.

One spray of cologne here, different one here.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

Crazy. Make people go, what's going on?

[A]

What scent is that? It's a couple.

[B]

Who is this person?

[A]

I blended them. But I'm being serious. Have you ever put two different flavors of tea?

[B]

I've never thought. I've always thought, pick a tea and then you got two going. That's wild.

[A]

That's some communist shit.

[B]

Then now you. You singled him out there.

[A]

Well, because any. I feel he and I treat ourselves similarly and that we don'. We don't have any sense of self, love or care.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

We don't deserve nice things.

[A]

Have you ever conceived of this? Have you ever thought of that?

[D]

No. I think even now I feel like this is a lot like, do I need all this?

[B]

Yeah, we just.

[A]

It's a lot.

[B]

Maybe I just do I deserve two flavors? I feel like, correct me if I'm wrong, but I feel like your position would be that tea is gay. Is that.

[A]

Oh, it's gay.

[B]

I'm a woman.

[D]

No, man, tea.

[B]

Tea's okay.

[A]

Well, you know why? Cause, like, Shaolin monks drink tea and they're tough as fuck. So, like, real men drink tea.

[B]

I mean, I. I don't disagree. I just. I thought any might be like, hell no, I ain't drinking no tea.

[A]

This is cap.

[D]

I mean, matcha is gay.

[A]

That's gay as fuck.

[B]

Oh, Matcha's gay.

[A]

Matcha.

[D]

But tea, really just. Yeah, just regular tea.

[B]

I like matcha.

[A]

What is matcha? What is this?

[B]

I mean, it's made from leaves and everything too, right?

[A]

It's just a tea that they've marketed to us instead of coffee, which. I'm a coffee person.

[B]

Yeah. Matcha is a finely ground powder made from shade grown green tea leaves that are steam dried and stone ground.

[A]

Poser.

[B]

What? Why?

[A]

It's pretending to be as good as coffee and nothing is as good as coffee.

[B]

Yeah, but it's still good.

[A]

It's not good.

[B]

You've never had it.

[A]

I've had it and I've been like, this tastes like poser ass coffee. Wow.

[B]

I've always liked it.

[A]

And he backed me up.

[D]

I mean, I already told you, man.

[B]

Why is it. Why is it that that Matcha is.

[D]

That you're just going at it?

[B]

Hey, I said no, Matcha is not gay. Is a tea that anyone can enjoy.

That's a real answer. The idea that it has a particular association with the LGBTQ + community likely stems from anecdotal observations and its popularity within certain social circles. I've never heard that there's a. Yeah.

[D]

AI is not there yet.

[B]

It's getting smarter. It's getting there. Yeah. Is macho truly a gender neutral? What is going on?

[A]

Okay, but it feels gay. But why does it feel gay?

[B]

I don't know. Because it's a straw and it's all green and gay.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. You're sucking on your mom's tits. Your matcha tits.

[B]

I mean, I don't know.

[A]

And then. But what about Boba? I feel like. Is that Boba? Yeah.

[B]

I don't know what that is.

[D]

No, Boba's just Asian.

[A]

See? But then where's the line between Asian and gay?

[B]

Well, I don't think this is green tea.

[A]

This is Asian too.

[B]

It's not Asian.

[A]

Green Tea. This is made of green tea.

[B]

But I mean, like, matcha. Isn't that like, Argentine or something?

[A]

Is it Indian?

Is matcha gay? Is matcha Indian?

[B]

Oh, you're right.

[A]

Oh, China, China, China.

[B]

Okay, so it's also Asian.

[A]

So, like, what's gage and stuff and what's not gay and stuff, you know?

[D]

Yeah, but I think that. What was the other one that you said? What was the Asian one?

[B]

Where is matcha most popular? That's answer.

[A]

Because I feel like boba is for, like, Japanese girls. Like, little Asian girls.

[D]

Yeah, Like, Hollywood hasn't taken over boba yet is basically what's going on. It's still Asian, but Hollywood took over macha.

[A]

That's it. That's the distinction.

[B]

So the Japanese are really into matcha.

[A]

But then when Heidi Klum drinks it, it becomes lame. Or when Gwyneth Paltrow starts, it's lame.

[B]

Yeah.

[D]

If you have Asian in you, you can have matcha. That's fine.

[B]

Deeper dive.

[A]

I agree. Annie, I think your assessment is correct. If you're Asian, it doesn't make you gay to drink matcha. But if you're white, particularly a white woman and you're drinking matcha, you're gay.

[D]

Super gay.

[A]

If you're a white man drinking matcha.

[B]

For sure you're gay.

[A]

Tom, you're officially gay.

[B]

I mean, I haven't had it in a while, but I feel like I want to try it and see if I feel gay when I drink it.

[A]

Do you want. Do you think about your. Your pool, dad, when you drink your matcha?

[B]

We haven't heard anything, have we?

[A]

Silence. He's playing hard to get, Is he?

[B]

Yeah. Well, I'll tell you what'll make put me in a. This will put me in a better mood.

[A]

Hold on.

[B]

Here we go.

[A]

Hey, everybody.

[B]

How you doing?

[C]

Larry here from prepared, not paranoid. I want to give you three garage safety tips.

[B]

Okay?

[C]

Number one, make sure the release cord is short so they can't come in there with a coat hanger and pull it and release the door and then open up the door manually.

[A]

That's number one.

[B]

Okay. All right. That's good.

[C]

Number two, Many garage door openers have a lockout feature on the opener. You lock that out, it prevents the key fobs that you leave in your car from opening the garage.

[B]

Oh, yeah, because somebody could break into your car, hit the key fob in the car, all of a sudden, garage is open, and you got a home invasion done. Easy, easy. Regular thing that happens.

[C]

Okay, number three.

[B]

Yep.

[C]

Make sure you have A good lock and use it.

[B]

Use your lock.

[C]

You want to put a bolt lock on here. That will help prevent people coming in. What happens is, once a bad guy gets into your garage, closes the garage door, they have all day to work on this lock, and your neighbors won't see.

[B]

Be safe.

[C]

Lock people out.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Also, the insight of lock the door. Some stuff people don't even think about.

[A]

My mother was so mentally ill about this particular thing.

[B]

This in particular, literally, the.

[A]

The garage door to the home. She put a sign on there, lock the door, so that you had to lock it every time because she was just as paranoid. She was also schizophrenic.

[B]

This is prepared, not paranoid.

[A]

But I have a few questions.

[B]

Your mom was paranoid, not prepared.

[A]

And schizo.

[B]

Yeah. What are your questions?

[A]

Okay, so if you disable the fobs, then what's the problem?

[B]

You're not disabling the fobs, Having them. No, you're not disabling the fobs. You're already in the garage. You're hitting that lock feature so that the fob doesn't work while you're already in your house.

[A]

But what if you forget to unlock it and you leave?

[B]

And then that's a real issue. That's a problem because I would.

[A]

I'd be like, oh, I forgot that I locked the.

[B]

Yeah. And then you're sitting in your driveway like, I can't get out of my car. There's bad guys everywhere. Then you just drive away. You don't go home. Drive home. You just never go home again.

[A]

Keep driving.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Don't go. And then he mentions that you need to have a cord that's not too long for the.

[B]

Yeah, the.

[A]

Yeah, but what does he mean? Because they can use a hanger.

[B]

I think he. A hanger could pull a longer cord.

[A]

You know how. Like, how are they getting the hanger?

[D]

Stick the hanger through the top of the door and then hook it around that.

[B]

That cable and pull it.

[A]

Clowns know all the tricks.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Wow, wow, wow, wow, wow.

Is that too mean?

[B]

That one gave me that one. Wow, wow, wow. Yeah.

[D]

I can't fucking believe where I work.

This is my job.

[A]

Is that too mean? Sorry.

[B]

No.

[A]

Oh, no. Should we cut that out?

[B]

No.

[A]

I feel terrible.

[D]

You're gonna be sorry, let me tell you.

[A]

My hands are sweating now. I feel like I did something bad.

[B]

You're fine. You're fine.

[A]

Did you do bad?

[B]

Oh, here we go.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Overmatched. First line of defense. Just watch a few YouTube videos and would be crooks can learn to pop the emergency release with a coat hanger in just a few seconds. Phoenix police told us this is an age old burglar's trick. They've been seeing it going back 20 plus years. But there's an equally low cost way to fight back.

[A]

All you do is you take a standard zip tie and just wrap it around where it connects.

[B]

A quick how to. You just string it through the holes in the emergency release, cinch it up nice and tight. Now this cord can't be pulled, by the way. You might also want to shorten this or remove it all together.

[A]

Yeah, why not just remove the cord?

[B]

You mean just get a pair of scissors?

[A]

Just. I'm not gonna figure.

[B]

Take your trauma shears and just take it.

[A]

Put on your night vision goggles. Get in there in the dark.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Rip out the string.

[B]

Well, so now we know your garage is a vulnerable entry point. All right.

[A]

It's volatile.

[B]

Yes. Situational awareness here, buddy. Thank you for this tip. Let's move on to the next one.

[A]

Lock the doors.

[C]

Take a look at some of these videos. Not every bad situation is going to be somebody trying to hurt you, Right. Sometimes it's just you not paying attention.

And here are some classic videos to be a reminder. Stay off your phone and be aware of your surroundings.

[A]

That's true. That's a good one.

[C]

Be safe.

[A]

That's a. That's a hot tip.

[B]

That is.

[D]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, we all have been distracted by our phones.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

And there's people walking into, you know, open door. Like.

[A]

Yeah, Titty. Sometimes those sidewalks just wide open.

[B]

I'll tell you the craziest thing about you. Where you don't want to be on your phone is walking near that bike path.

[A]

Where in New York. Yeah.

[B]

The cyclists come by fucking 30 miles an hour and they don't give a. They will knock your ass out. It's crazy. You're opening a door to get out of a car in New York. Cyclists come by, flying by. You really don't want to be on your phone. And I think you should do a new video about that.

[A]

Well, and also I think there's so many scraps of safety he's leaving on the table. For instance.

[B]

Oh, he's not done.

[A]

Well, I'm sorry.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, he's not done, but please, go ahead.

[A]

I hate seeing people wearing inappropriate footwear in public. For instance, if you're in an airport and you're traveling.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You should be wearing toe shoes.

[B]

Should be wearing slippers or flip flops. Yeah. Because like, and your pajamas, you should.

[A]

Wear for sure your pajamas, but you. What if you have to run? I mean, if you got to hit.

[B]

The deck, he would definitely agree with you. Yeah, you don't want to be wearing your clown shoes when you're at the airport.

[A]

This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace, the all in one platform designed to build your brand, grow your business and succeed online. Whether you're selling services, booking clients, or just getting your ideas out there, Squarespace gives you everything you need all in one place. It's super easy to offer services from consultations to online classes. You can book appointments, send professional invoices and get paid all through your site. No more juggling multiple apps. There's a plethora of cutting edge design and SEO tools available to build a custom website that's tailored to your brand or business. With their AI website builder and a complete library of award winning website templates, you'll have a customized site in no time. So if you've been waiting for a sign to start building your brand, this is it. Go to squarespace.com mom for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use promo code MOM to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast, Smart move. Being financially savvy. Smart move. Another smart move. Having State Farm help you create a competitive price when you choose to bundle home and auto bundling. Just another way to save with a personal price plan. Like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Clowns do wear.

[B]

Yeah, Lace them up.

[A]

Oh yeah. Loose Timberlands. You know what?

That's the style.

[B]

There's different types. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Loosen up the boots. I know you get out of TSA and they're all loose.

[B]

You gotta tie them back up.

[A]

You don't want to leave.

[B]

You could have to run at any moment.

[A]

Yeah, well, that's the truth. If you're at an airport. Yeah, there's. That's a high risk area. I'm sure Sean could have some instructions.

[B]

Oh yeah, he would wear combat boots.

[A]

Well, that's got a triple tied steel toe. You can't get through security.

[B]

He's ready. He's ready for anything at any time. Here we go.

[A]

Hey everybody.

[C]

Larry here from Prepare Not Power. I want to give you a few tips. When you're exiting a store this holiday season, when you Come out. If you're not familiar with the environment, take two to three seconds to scan. See if you see anything that stands out. Chicken with your instincts to see if anything is going on.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[C]

If it's an environment you're unfamiliar with, take about 8 to 10 seconds and give a little bit slower scan. When you scan your environment, scan from right to left. Give it a good scan, take your time and then scan from 3 to 5 yards and 20 to 25 yards.

[A]

I want to puke.

How will I gauge these distances? I know, like a bald eagle.

[B]

So remember, and also not left to right, right to left.

[A]

Hold on. Let's see.

[B]

I did my five yard scan.

[A]

How do you know you're doing five?

[B]

I know what five yards is. And now I reset and I go to 25 yards.

[A]

Okay, but are you spending 8 to 10 seconds?

[B]

No.

[A]

That was fast.

[B]

That was too fast. That was way too fast.

[A]

Count it out. Let's do it.

[B]

1, 2, 3, 4, 5.

[A]

Which distance are we doing?

[B]

7, 8.

[A]

How far are you looking?

[B]

Well, I'm looking as far as I can in this room, but I did five yards first. So I'm doing my second scan now. Which would be further out.

[A]

Tom, can you get in the car? You're like, I'm doing my scans.

[B]

I'm doing my scans. Shut the fuck up. Not a familiar environment.

Yeah, that's good advice. That is good advice.

[A]

How crazy would you be if you really started doing this?

[B]

I mean, you should losing your mind.

[C]

Hey, everybody, it's falling. It's going to be getting darker earlier and I think everybody should have access to a good flashlight at all times. Please don't rely on your phone. If you have to get your phone flashlight on, you're going to look down, hit the code and then turn the flashlight on. It's not a great flashlight. You're distracted while turning it on. Yeah, get a good flashlight. Keep it readily available all the time. I like a sure fire.

[B]

Yeah, I like it. I like this one.

[C]

Tail cap activation.

[A]

Tail cap activation.

[C]

I need to open up a car door. Open up a door. Move, my child. Groceries. I still have one hand free.

[A]

Free. Okay.

[C]

To access all the positions that I need. So do yourself a favor.

[A]

Do my bio.

[C]

I have a whole section on flashlights.

[A]

In the prepared university.

[C]

Be well prepared university.

[A]

See an accredited university. Also, I'm thinking. I see, I see a little flaw here. He's telling me that to get my phone out and use that light is taking too long. But what about rummaging through my purse? What about rummaging through my pockets to find my flashlight.

[B]

Well, that's the thing.

[A]

I mean, I should have it around my neck. I should have a lanyard.

[B]

Yeah, you wear a lanyard with a flashlight or you have it on a belt strap. You clip it onto your belt so you always know where it is. It's in the same place every time. There's a great point that you made, and that's the answer.

[A]

This is still not fully safe.

[B]

You don't put it in your purse.

[A]

Feels safe.

[B]

Like a child, an idiot. You keep it, like, accessible at all. Boom, boom.

[A]

Who needs, like, right here?

[D]

The tactical vest is for. That's why we're wearing the tactical vest.

[B]

That's right. What are you thinking?

[A]

So I have to put on. Hold on. Just. Just to re.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If I want to go to the grocery store with the children, I have to put on a tactical vest.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

With what's in there?

[B]

Well, you'll have lights, pepper spray. You'll have a stun gun. You'll have a flashlight. You'll have night vision goggles, obviously. Yeah.

[A]

It's getting darker early.

[B]

You know, you'll have maybe like a pellet gun with like, some, like, those shock bags. And then, you know, probably a couple knives. Yeah. And then you're like, all right, I'm ready to go out.

[A]

And I think in Texas, you can carry all that shit on your person.

[B]

I'm sure it's not a problem. I wouldn't even ask or check. I would just do it and, you know, ask for forgiveness, not permission.

[A]

Oh, yeah. They'd be like, oh, who cares?

[B]

Well, she was protecting herself. It's fucking dangerous, man. You're at. At dangerous. Yeah. Yeah. All right.

[A]

You know who would love this is our children, though, if we got them those vests with all that on it. Yeah, Our boys would love trauma shears, flashlight. We should get them tactical vests for Christmas.

[B]

They would wear it every day.

[A]

Every day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's what you should get your boys, land your girls. Why be sexist?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, you can get your girls this holiday season my new liquid lipstick. This is the new shade I'm wearing. It's called cuts you up. And then I also have my brand new whimsy kiss My shimmer gloss. This I'm wearing right now. It's radiance balm in the color stardust. Because why not? Why not shine and shimmer and gleam and sparkle for this holiday season? All [e-mail] try it out. These are high quality products. I make this In Italy, it is so luxurious and so amaze and it's so much better than the dog shit makeup that I've been wearing for the last, you know, my whole life. So I made my own and it's way better.

[B]

There you go.

Plug. My new special Teacher comes out Christmas Eve on Netflix. So set your reminders. Please watch, please enjoy.

[A]

Wear your tactical vest while you're watching in case somebody chokes.

[B]

Well, you could be in your house watching teacher and then all of a sudden, you know, somebody crashes through the window. So you need to have everything readily available.

Also a reminder, check out the pop up location of the new Italian bakery, Chicho Bomba here in Austin, Texas at 1:11 Congress. That's the fairground food hall below the Wells Fargo building in downtown Austin. Thank you guys very much for your support of it. It's been fantastic. So moving on to a nice transition here. Let's go to see what this guy's up to. Face is not withdrawn. It's not like sunken in, but your jawline is strong. Like your jawline is stronger. And you know, a is like that.

[A]

They like, they like a.

[B]

With a strong jawline, man.

[E]

Hey, bro.

[B]

Yeah. Casual. Yeah.

[A]

Wow.

You can't see yourself, man. Like, hey, bro, that picture of you.

You. You go machine on that?

[B]

Yeah, that's me it up. So I'm like 144 this morning in.

[A]

That picture you sent to me this morning.

[B]

I'm 140 in that picture. Yeah. So he's an accountant in Miami, of course, but he's got, I guess anybody you think is that cool to say?

[D]

I mean, it's not, but I'm not fucking with this nigga. He looks dangerous and scary. I feel like he does meth for breakfast. And he'll like kill you if you have a problem with it. So I'm just be like, you know, you can say it though.

[B]

Yeah, I hear you. I hear you. This is him. Oh.

[D]

Oh.

[B]

Mike Fideli from Fidelity and Associates.

[A]

We're here in south beach to provide.

[B]

Income tax and IRS services to high net worth athletes and entertainers who have.

[A]

Many serious IRS problems.

[B]

If you do, DM me and we'll get you out of all your problems. There you go. That's that guy she's traumatized. Yeah, that's him right there.

[A]

He pinned this to the top of his page. Oh, wow.

[B]

What were the comments like? Were they approving or. I see salt, but I heard pepper.

I don't approve this message. Yeah. Yep.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why'd it come off so Smooth, though.

[D]

You see what I'm saying?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Why does it come. I don't.

[D]

With a white man that says that confidently.

[B]

Confidently.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[D]

That's a mistake.

[A]

Yeah, he did.

[B]

There's no hesitation.

[A]

Well, see, and I wonder, this is a very important philosophical problem, though. Is it ever acceptable in your friendship with a black person, as the white person, to drop the N bombs?

[B]

I mean, I think that's a case by case, clearly. I think his friend is black and had no problem with him saying that.

[A]

You know, I don't know. I'd be afraid of hurting some feelings.

[B]

Well, I know, but I'm saying that, like, that friend seemed to have.

[A]

Seemed to be seamless. Or is he terrified of him? Like, any sign?

[B]

Maybe. Maybe it's a combination of the two. I wouldn't lead with it if you have a new friend. Yeah, no. Yeah.

Yeah. Pretty cool.

[A]

This guy's so cool.

[B]

He is doing some wild. I can see his peaky right there.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

That's interesting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Boca chic, doctor laying it down. Yeah. He is something else.

[B]

He is. Imagine like, that's my accountant. Like, you're just scrolling. That's the guy that got me out of my tax trouble. Yep.

[A]

That is the guy you want to get you out of your tax trouble. This is the guy you hired to get you out of tax trouble.

[B]

Yeah, it really is. Yeah.

[A]

He knows all the tricks, all the angles.

[B]

He definitely knows a confident account.

[A]

He knows.

[B]

Look at that look in his profile pic. Giving you blue steel right there.

[A]

Yeah, he's fire.

[B]

He's got a great head of hair. Incredible head of hair.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Have you ever. I saw one. If you scroll where he was. Scroll a little more. He was brushing his hair and it was unbelievable, the hair this guy had. I mean, seriously.

No. Oh, maybe he. Oh, he archives a lot, but yeah, he's always with chips. He's a black guy. Huh? Just like. Oh, there's a hair right there, though.

[A]

Wow, look at that.

[B]

That's older shot, I think.

[A]

He looks great. He's a good looking guy.

[B]

He's got great hair.

[A]

He's done it all. Wow. He's in great shape. He knows what he's talking about. Good jawline.

[B]

Yeah. Look at that hair, man. Hair's incredible. Look at that.

[A]

No, he's handsome. He's got it. Yeah, he's awesome. Oh, wow. I wonder why he cut it, because I feel like that's a really good look for him. It really sets him apart from the herd.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Especially in Miami. Like, you meet this Guy. And you're like, whoa.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You don't look like every other guy in Miami.

[B]

No. It's a real unique look. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Like, I wonder why you switched that up.

[B]

It's incredible.

[A]

It looks awesome.

[B]

Keep going, Mike. Keep doing your thing. Look like Jesus right there.

[A]

I know. He looks rad. Look at those eyes. He looks like a beautiful wolf.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Intense eyes. Hungry eyes. Dirty dancing.

[B]

It's pretty cool.

[A]

Hungry. Me, personally, I'm into receiving. And it's generally. Or I would say always, in my case, tied with, like, domination. They're inseparable for me. I mean, it takes many forms, I guess. I mean, I enjoy the face sitting aspect. So, like, the closeness of that which can be clothed, nude. I don't really have a specific preference, as dumb as it might sound. I mean, I. I kind of prefer, at least in fantasy, the more potent smells. So I guess, you know, things that. That created gas that was smelly or. Or really tied into the more torturous aspects of. Of enjoying this. Well, he likes the torture.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Of the bad smell.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's. I mean, but that makes sense the way he explained it. Fantasy, for me is not enjoying it. Like, obviously I enjoy it because it is turning me on, but the fantasy is to be tormentous or being tortured. I mean, the strong scent is definitely, like, what I most reach for. I think it's also the hardest to obtain. The sound is also a factor for me, just because the sound is illustrative of how dominating it is.

[B]

He likes smelly farts.

[A]

I feel like if I could just adopt his attitude, our marriage would be so much hornier. Because your farts are diabolical.

[B]

No.

[A]

And especially lately.

[B]

Lately? Yeah.

[A]

They're stinky, they're loud, they're disrespectful. I don't feel like you see me as a woman. I don't think you respect me.

[B]

That's pretty. That's hurtful.

[A]

Well, it's true.

[B]

No, no, I just. I'm living life and I've. I have been ingesting more protein, and I think there's a. There's an effect on the way out. That's what you're referring to.

[A]

But it's like, all hours of the night, like, you'll rip. Yeah.

[B]

At night. It really is interesting, isn't it? Isn't it something how at night it really comes alive?

Because yesterday those were notable.

[A]

Those were her. Let's walk through them.

[B]

Okay. They're kind of. They have, like. There's like, a whole story told when they happen now because they go.

[A]

Yeah, but the first one was in the bathroom. You were standing by your.

[B]

I mean, I was in the bathroom. I was at my sink, but my closet's right there.

[A]

So I was trying to get dressed, I think, for bedtime.

[B]

Something like that. Yeah.

[A]

And it was like long rips. Rips. But you wanted to pull me closer to you.

[B]

No. I mean, it was unfortunate, the logistics of the whole thing.

[A]

You pulled me towards you to enjoy it, and that's so rude. I think you did.

[B]

I don't believe that's true. I remember you walked.

[A]

I want to walk away. And then you grabbed me.

[B]

No. You went into your closet and you shut the door. You left this much.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

And you were like, no. And you shook. You shook your head. You were like, no.

[A]

Yeah, it's just. I think there's a level of disrespect like. Like, there's an acceptable level of fart. And then that was unacceptable.

[B]

It was pretty intense, I'll give you that.

[A]

It was tipped into, like, come on.

[B]

It was unexpected also.

[A]

I don't think it is with you. I think you're lying.

[B]

I didn't know what was gonna happen. Well, this, by the way, this guy's name is Raj, and he hosts a podcast called the Fart Fetish Podcast to normalize that within the kink community. He claims, from a young age, can't pinpoint the exact moment. But he likes to believe it derives from a combination of his parents being open door poopers. His family growing up not shy to fart in public or around the house. He also believes it came from his parents being too neglectful. He has to pay for fart sessions. He favors a more potent smell when it comes to this. But it's all out there. It's wild. Right. There he is.

[A]

Oh, Raj, good for you.

[B]

You know, but I'm sure there's a celebrating three years.

[A]

There's a lot of guys out there that want this.

[B]

And 36 episodes, he does an episode a month. I wonder what his parents think of the fart footage podcast.

[A]

Well, also, as somebody that's a fart enthusiast, you'd think he'd want to talk more about it.

[B]

I know. More than once a month.

[A]

Yeah. Like, if it makes your d hard.

[B]

Why not talk about it every day?

[A]

Every day?

[B]

Yeah. At least once a week, you know.

[A]

Because there's topics I can talk about, you know, all day.

[B]

Are they farting?

[A]

UFOs? Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. You really like UFOs?

[A]

I love the UFO topic.

[B]

You've really been taken by UAPs.

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

It's the age of disclosure, too.

[B]

I know, I know. Are you gonna watch that, doc?

[A]

Yeah, but I already know. It's. It's. It's propaganda.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Man's trying to spread disinformation. I know what's really happening here. Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Interdimensional beings connected to our consciousness trying to raise us, elevate us. It's not nefarious.

[B]

Okay. All right. There she is.

[A]

Oh, geez.

No. Hey. Yeah, I see what she's doing.

[B]

What'd you think of that pizza?

[D]

I just love it. It's great content that people put out these days.

[A]

Pizza, it's always something, but there's never easy.

[B]

That's a whole lane.

[A]

But there's no whole piece of bacon on a pizza. It's usually cut up into pieces. This is not accurate.

[B]

What would you do if you saw your pizza delivery person pulling out a slice and farting on it?

What would you say to them?

[A]

I know. It's interesting topic.

[B]

She's like, here you go. Just gave it back.

[A]

I might be like, dude, did you just fart on my pizza? Like, I may have to confront. Because I'm not gonna eat it.

[B]

No.

[A]

Or would you eat it?

[B]

No.

[A]

Hold on.

[B]

Ooh.

Jesus.

[A]

A lot of beef.

Pizza.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Okay, but what if you're really, really hungry? Like, you're starving.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you're like, she's finally here.

[B]

She's farting on my pizza right now.

[A]

I might eat it. You might eat it. I might take the bacon off, but then eat the rest.

[B]

Or just at least find that piece. Like, is this the one you farted on? Throw that.

[A]

Yeah. Be like, which one did you fart?

[B]

And I'm calling your manager, by the way.

That's not okay. It's not okay.

[A]

You'd rat them out. I wouldn't call their manager.

[B]

She farted on your food.

[A]

But then think of the benefit of that. You could make this person deliver food to people you dislike.

[B]

Oh. And fart on their food. But they do it to everyone. They'd be like, yeah, I always do that. I fart on everyone's food.

[A]

Well, be like, well, can you put a little extra stank on this pizza for this neighbor? You know what I mean? Like, can you wipe your butt with the pizza on this delivery?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You can make them go farther than what they're capable of.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I'm looking to stretch this person's talents and abilities. Why limit yourself to just farting on a piece of bacon? You could go big with this?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Dude, this could be a legitimate service for fart fetish people. Like a fart higher delivery?

[B]

Yeah, higher. It's like Uber Eats, right?

[A]

Yes. Now you're thinking like an entrepreneur.

[B]

Then you go, will you pick up my food and fart on it and then bring it?

[A]

Chicha, bamba.

[B]

Pollute that. Thank you.

[A]

But how much? Okay, but you hear me out. Hold on. Can I talk to you for a second?

[B]

Yeah, no, you're talking. Go ahead.

[A]

Like, let's say you're a fart enthusiast, like this gentleman, and you're like, God, I would love it if this chick showed up and farted on my pizza. How much do you think a dude would pay for that?

[B]

Well, someone like the guy, I think he would definitely double and triple the amount.

[A]

Okay. That's a great business. Double, Triple. I. I'd say $500 for that one delivery.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And think how much more money you would make as an Uber Eats driver or whatever.

[B]

Well, maybe you could do a thing where you just sign up for a legit business like Uber Eats or Doordash, and then in your profile, you go, like, you want me to add any seasoning? And then you just let them know that you'll do it if you tip. Right.

[A]

Yeah. And then gay guys could have throat coat. Like, they could deliver with throat coat on there.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

What? You don't think some dudes would love that?

[B]

Yeah, sure. Yeah, I'm sure gay dudes love jizz. Yeah, they do.

[A]

I know.

[B]

It's like their favorite thing.

[A]

It is. They love it so much whisper. How weird. I don't want. If they're listening, I want them to hear us.

[B]

Oh, they didn't hear that. No one heard it?

[A]

No. Right?

[B]

No. Gay guys love jizz.

[A]

Don't let them know. Yeah, I think they do. Yeah, that's true. That's crazy.

[B]

It's a really good idea for a new business. If you're an entrepreneur and you're thinking, what. What's the market? Not providing, you know.

[A]

Exactly. We're seeing gaps in the space here.

[B]

Yeah, we found.

[A]

Hold space for me, Tom.

[B]

I'm holding space. Here we go.

[A]

All right, I'm filming.

[B]

That's a good throw.

[A]

I was into the throwing.

[B]

He threw a rock at a hornet's nest.

[A]

Oh, stupid.

[B]

Yeah. And then they. They got him back.

[A]

Of course. Dude.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You don't mess with hornets, bro. That guy's stupid.

[B]

Yeah. I think he should have been ready to run quicker. Yeah, that was the issue.

[A]

Yo. I would have thrown that first rock and Then taken out. I'm filming. Yeah. Don't wait, dude. Run.

[B]

That's a good throw.

[A]

You right there.

[B]

You should be be just booking it.

[A]

Booking it? Yeah, dude. Second.

Idiot.

[B]

That's a great screen.

[A]

Yeah, well, you deserve that. Why would you want to up some hornets, dude?

[B]

I know, it's just. It's out there in nature. It's not like in the front of your house. Right?

[A]

Cuz I don't like it when they build stuff on our house.

[B]

But that's different.

[A]

Then you're like, get out of here.

[B]

He's by a stream.

[A]

Yeah, that's where they're supposed to build, dummy. Yeah, that's rude as.

[B]

That was very rude.

[A]

Hope he died. I hope he went into anaphylactic shock.

[B]

Oh my.

[A]

Allergic to all.

[B]

He's okay.

[A]

Jesus.

[B]

That was really hateful.

[A]

Well, I'm. I'm just. Hornet rights.

[B]

Hornet rights.

[A]

Nobody's defending them and their needs.

[B]

What do you think of this one?

[A]

Yeah. No, no, no.

Oh.

He survived.

[B]

Wow. Look, he's right now you see that moment? Yeah, I've had that moment.

[A]

Yeah, of course.

[B]

Where you just stop and you're like, I'm stupid now. I could have just lost all my life doing this.

[A]

That was. Can I see it again? Yeah, dude, he just escaped death narrowly.

Wow.

[B]

I don't know about death, but it could have been real ugly.

[A]

Look at that. Oh, it gets caught in his shirt. You know what he needs? Trauma shears.

[B]

Oh.

That's so relatable. You're like, ah, God.

[A]

Dude, that thing could have done the death.

[B]

It could have really done it. Could have been real gnarly. Yeah.

[A]

Cut a circulation.

[B]

Yeah. Could have been gross. Yeah. He got lucky. He got lucky, man. That was terrible, baby. That was one of the more sobering ones that I. I just really empathized with him.

[A]

It's like a near death experience. That was terrible. Yeah, I didn't like that. No, no.

The rolling around is what gets me. Did he. Did he chop his nuts?

[B]

I mean, he landed on a steel beam.

[A]

Yeah, but that's his fault.

[B]

I mean, it's totally his fault. But you still are like, oh. I mean, all that force from like coming from up high.

[A]

Let me see it again.

[B]

Oh, boy.

[A]

I looked away at the pivotal moment.

[B]

I mean, it's right on the nuts too.

[A]

Stupid.

[B]

Yeah, that's testicular trauma. Yeah, he might. He might be going to the hospital. Dude, that is so gnarly.

[A]

Well, dude, I'm.

[B]

When they get grazed, it affects you. He should have known body weight.

[A]

But he should have. Come on.

[B]

I know. It was fucking stupid. He knows. He fucking knows.

[A]

Maybe he liked it. He didn't like the fart fetish guy.

[B]

I don't think he did. I think he's actually very, very disappointed in himself right now.

[A]

Or he's in heaven. He's in ecstasy right now.

[B]

Right now he's just rolling around. I'm about to come. Yeah. Yeah. I don't think so. I think he's not.

[A]

His shoes flew off, dude. That's how traumatic that was. Oh.

[B]

I think he tore some ligaments. Yeah, I think that was real bad. Is that board broken? Yeah, the board's broken, too.

[A]

God bless the skateboarders. I know, because they just.

What, babe? What's the injury? He did the splits.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So what does that tear like?

[C]

I mean, he could have.

[B]

He could have torn his groin easily. Yeah. It's really your hips.

[A]

Like, did he, like, up his hips?

[B]

I mean, it's. There's only telling what. What he did. He did some damage, dude. He. Himself up. That sucked. Everyone's laughing, too. We all smile on that guy. He's like, oh, yeah. Skaters are brutal recording him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's like, that was great, man.

[A]

That's why skaters are the best.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're like, get up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey, ladies, if you like a guy who likes to have fun in the shower, I'm your man.

Okay, next.

[B]

What do you mean, next? You don't like to have fun in the shower?

[A]

I do. I love fun in the shower.

[B]

That's what he just said. Do you like to have fun in the shower? I'm your man.

[A]

But I don't like. I don't want to do it with him.

[B]

Why?

[A]

I want to have fun. Shower with you.

[B]

Oh, with me?

[A]

Yeah. Do you like fun in the shower?

[B]

Yeah, but I feel like I'm not your man. I feel like that's your.

I like that. He had the volume full blast.

[A]

Full blast.

[B]

What is he watching?

[A]

Is that a new. Hey, ladies, if you like a guy who likes to have fun in the shower, I'm your man. That's a comedy.

[B]

Yeah. He's watching some sitcoms, a lap track going real loud.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. My only advice would just be turn the volume down on the tv.

[A]

Oh, for sure. Because everything else was fine. Yeah, the angle was horrible. The white. The white walls are depressing. What's that? Why is his nose so red? I'm surprised he didn't go, forgive me, I have a cold right now. Like, you know when people do that? Like, we know we can tell well.

[B]

Apparently he puts out videos like this a lot. To ladies.

[A]

Show me the hand gesture. To me.

[B]

To ladies like you.

[A]

To ladies.

[B]

And I'm just supposed to scoop your man.

I like it. I really like it. This is the kind of you love right here.

[A]

Go. Skyler Renee has returned.

[B]

Skyler Renee returns.

[A]

I could do this in a second.

[B]

You like this?

[A]

I would love to train just to get this fit to beat the out of dudes. Yeah, I think this would be awesome. I love this.

I love it. Yeah, I'm all in.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Would you let me do that?

[B]

You like ball kicks, though?

[A]

I'm astro dominant and I'm about to kick his ass.

Come on. I don't like this guy.

I don't like this guy. No, Morrissey, Big fat Morrissey here. I don't like him.

Now. He's too pathetic. So, so there's. Here's the thing with me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The guy can't be super pathetic. He has to be able to fight back.

[B]

That guy. That guy could fight back.

[A]

I know, but in my, in the visual domain, he. It's not appealing.

[B]

You want it to be a more.

[A]

Fit guy like the other one before.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I could be like, okay, this is a. This is somebody that. There's a little danger here.

[B]

Oh, that's what you want? Oh, I thought it was just to be like, just to be abusive and brutal, but it's got to. It can't be to a frail guy.

[A]

Hold on. You know in comedy, you don't want to punch down sometimes, but I mean, I feel like it's too easy. If it's like a frail pussy guy, it's got to be somebody that's a child. That's interesting.

[B]

I know. Because you always, always tell me that you like the ball. You're like, I could always do a ball kicking thing. You don't want it to be a pathetic guy.

[A]

Correct. Because then it. What's the fun?

[B]

It's like they're all the same guy.

[A]

Oh, you're kidding. Morrissey is the same guy. Just different haircuts and stuff.

[B]

Yeah, that's. Well, there's not a lot of guys that are like, yeah, I'll do this video. They found one.

[A]

I just don't like them when they're so frail and pathetic.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Because what's the fun?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like a five year old could kick the nuts.

[B]

I get it. I didn't realize this. It's an interesting.

[A]

I'm just now thinking about it, you know? Yeah, I haven't thought about it.

[B]

We got it real Quick.

[A]

I'm sorry. I've really got a whiz hard because I drink the two bags of tea.

[B]

And we're back.

[A]

And we're back.

[B]

How was your pee?

[A]

It was powerful. How was yours?

[B]

It was pretty good. Yeah, I went ahead and did it too. Let me ask you something.

[A]

What do you think about Hitler?

[B]

Well, I got some, some news for you. Adolf Hitler won a local election in Namibia. Oh wow. Adolf Hitler Unona, a 59 year old local politician in northern Namibia just won re election for his seat as counselor of Ompunja constituency for a fifth consecutive term. Although his name echoes that of the Nazi dictator, he has long stressed that he has no ideological or personal ties to that legacy. His father reportedly gave him the name without understanding its historical weight. Ahead of this election, he formally removed Hitler from his official documents and now just goes by Adolf Unonna. Well, fifth reelection. So people are like, I love this guy.

[A]

Yeah, he's the one for me.

[B]

I like it.

[A]

I like his name to be honest. Hitler. Oh my God.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, look, if you're gonna take out the Hitler, why not change the Adolf? You know, I've changed my name legally.

[B]

I love that the dad was like, wait, what's this all about?

[A]

I never heard of this.

[B]

There's a problem with this guy's name. I always like the. Has a nice ring to it.

[A]

I mean, look, full disclosure.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We're out here in Western Europe doing our thing. Maybe they didn't hear about it over there.

[B]

Yeah. In Africa. You don't think it reached that far.

[A]

Maybe not, dude. I don't know.

[B]

He's like, big fan, just a smooth name.

[A]

Because it's illegal to name your child. That Here.

[B]

Here isn't illegal?

[A]

I think so. Isn't it? I would say it's illegal. I don't know if that is in Germany. It for sure is. They outlawed that after, you know, who came and ruined stuff.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Let's see.

[A]

You're not allowed to in Germany.

[B]

You cannot name a child Adolf Hitler in Germany. It's German law is protected by it. What about in the us?

[A]

I mean, why can't.

[B]

I think you can.

[A]

You know about my rights.

[B]

Let's see. It is not universally illegal to name your child Hitler in the United States. Some states may reject it based on prohibitions against offensive or derogatory names. Germany and New Zealand have explicitly banned the name. I mean, so interesting. State by state. I guess it goes by here.

[A]

Texas is probably a no Hitler zone.

[B]

Yeah, that's what it says actually. Example A Texas official might reject the name due to prohibitions against offensive names. What if you're like, what's offensive about it?

[A]

What?

[B]

My favorite Namibian counselor is named Adolf Hitler.

[A]

That's true. What if it's not about the original?

[B]

Yeah. What about this guy? I'm a big fan.

[A]

I'm a huge fan. I bet California will let you fifth re election.

You think New York, California, you can name your kid Hitler. Let's look at which states allow you to name your child Bama.

[B]

Louisiana.

[A]

They're like, we'll pay you to do it.

[B]

What states can you name.

In your kid Hitler?

[A]

That's two bags of different flavors.

[B]

It is like, it is likely legal to name your child Adolf Hitler, but there are no federal laws banning it. Let's see. All right, Some states have banned it. Texas is one such state. Yeah. There's not a list. Here's the thing. Why don't you try it if you're about to have a kid, you know, give it a shot. See what they tell you. See if you get away with it. It's a really cool experiment to run.

[A]

Somebody's doing it right now. You're right. In Alabama, a baby was born and.

[B]

They were like, Hitler.

[A]

Yep. Like that guy on the podcast where he was like, you know who I'd want to hang out?

[B]

All right. Just kick a beer, you know, he was fucking told. And burn all the trans books and shit. He wasn't a bad guy. I'd like to fish with him. Yeah.

[A]

There's people that feel that way.

[B]

Yeah. That wasn't New York, I'll tell you that.

[A]

Siri. Bob.

[B]

Yeah. New Jersey couple loses custody of their son named Adolf Hitler. That's interesting. The New Jersey parents who gave their children Nazi inspired names, including Adolf Hitler, lost custody after a state appeals court ruled that a history of domestic violence puts the children at risk of abuse and neglect. Court documents show the oldest child frequently threatens to kill people. And the mother once slipped a note to a neighbor saying she was terrified of her husband because he said he would kill her. Adolf Hitler Campbell, 4, and his two younger sisters, Jocelyn. Aryan Nation Campbell and Hanslin Himmler. Jeannie Campbell will remain in the care of the Division of Family. Jesus. Their parents, Heath and Deborah, both unemployed and disabled, were abused as children. Neither has received adequate treatment for their serious psychological conditions. I mean, you know what I hate about this is it's really. It's really tarnishing the Hitler name.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, and Himmler and Himmler and the Aryan Nation. They gave her the Name Aryan Nation.

[A]

Which if you didn't know what it meant also.

[B]

She didn't. They didn't, do they, they did a. A name that sounds like Hans Himmler. It's Hanslin Hindler.

[A]

Oh, let's see. Hanslin. So maybe it's a girl, right?

[B]

But like his name was Hans Himmler again.

[A]

But they feminized.

[B]

They feminized to be like, it's Hans. It's not the same thing.

[A]

Hanseller. Jeannie Campbell.

[B]

I think I'd go by Jeannie.

I think as Jocelyn. I might drop my middle name. But poor, poor Adolf has no hope. Jesus.

[A]

Adolf Hitler Campbell.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

God damn, man.

[B]

Your parents are just wild.

[A]

Joyce Lynn Aryan Nation Campbell.

[B]

Well, there you go. The Jersey lets it fly. Yeah, they did it in New Jersey. If you're a Jersey native, name your kid whatever you want.

[A]

Congratulations, you're free.

[B]

Yeah. Three year old Hitler can't get name on a cake. Oh, this guy's the same guy. Yeah, they make the news a lot. They make the news a lot. Yeah. Oh, it's actually him there. There's Heath on the left, Deborah on the right. And there's Adolf. There's baby Adolf in the middle.

Fucking sweet. He's like, well, I can't get a cake.

[A]

Babe. Do you ever think about.

Just like how the completely mentally insane parade around as one of us like that? If I saw this photo I'd be like, oh, what a nice little.

[B]

Yeah, I just was watching that the other day. Scrolling. It was a woman on the street interviewing a guy. Like she's like, what are you up to today? Like one of those street interviews. And he was completely mentally ill but well presenting and you go, oh, that's everywhere. Like he went on a insane rant where you could tell that like she was scared. Anyone listening would have been scared. And he was button down, collared shirt, like just well, presenting and was unhinged. Just somebody put a microphone in his face.

[A]

God damn, dude.

[B]

It was real crazy. It was really crazy.

[A]

They just walk among us, these people. And you're.

[B]

This is pillar. He walks among us too. Yeah, yeah. Pretty cool. Here's a fun one. I don't know if you know about this story. An Italian man dressed up as his dead mother in order to claim her pension.

[A]

Very cool.

[B]

This is an Italian man for Borgo fixed. 56 year old former nurse is under fraud and investigation for concealing a corpse after allegedly dressing up as his. Look at him right here. That's him on the right dressing up like mom.

[A]

He looks just like her.

[B]

He looks like.

[A]

I think he did a great job.

[B]

He did. It was lucky that his mom had that hair.

[A]

Yeah. And that face. She didn't have much work done.

[B]

He wore a wig, makeup, clothes, jewelry, even used a cane when visiting the local registry to renew her id. The charade collapsed when a clerk at the registry office noticed physical inconsistencies and became suspicious. Authorities say that the scam netted roughly €53,000 per year, combining the pension and the income from his family's properties. Now he's facing charges that include fraud, false identity, document forgeries.

[A]

But don't you think if you're a man and you go through the trouble to dress up like your mother, go down to the office.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Pull the heist. Give him the money.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Who cares?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They'll send him to jail.

[B]

That is. That is kind of silly. Oh, you found it. This is the one I was talking about.

[F]

I'm confused because.

You know, like, we're supposed to be believe in the ministry, right? So is the church and state supposed to be separate? I'm confused because I never went to school. Right. Is a confused person. Get a resolution. I don't understand. You see when you go like that, right? You have a cross, two sticks, right? And that's how I felt when I was in Waterloo. Because when I walked in Waterloo loo and smiled at people, they treated me like a vampire. They used the cross and they went like this by not smiling at me in Toronto.

[B]

Hey.

[A]

Hi, guys.

[F]

You know me, Steve Spiros, Easygoing. Those who know me, I'm a nobody, you understand? And you can't kill a person with no body. So why am I offended? Afraid? I'm not afraid. I'm afraid of the boogeyman. Who's the boogeyman?

[A]

You figure it out.

[F]

I'm getting out of here.

[A]

It's a good race.

[F]

I'm going back to Waterloo where the vampires hang out and I'm gonna wear my sunglasses that night. You know why? Because women show their tits, have short skirts and then they feel violated when I look at them.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

Why? Because I have sunglasses on and I'm weird.

I'm from Humberside. I'm sorry if I made a fool of Humberside, but all those people who called me a sleepwalker, I woke up. Now I'm going back to sleep because I'm going to be committed in an isolation room because I'm going to go back to the ministry and allow them to perceive me as I am.

[A]

A fuck up.

[F]

Goodbye.

[A]

Good day, sir.

[F]

Hey, Toronto the good.

[A]

Look at.

[F]

Look at this square. It was a shithole when I worked here. Now it looks like New York. Manhattan.

[A]

Yeah.

[F]

Where are the bums? There's no bums here. Toronto doesn't have bums. But Waterloo. They're creating bums. They created me. Why?

[A]

He's a vampire.

[F]

I don't know.

[A]

They treat him like a vampire.

[F]

Maybe it's the church. Talk to the Pope. He knows everything. I had it. I'm gonna die. How can you die?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Tom.

[B]

So. But you get it. Like. But look what I mean, though. Like, if you saw him.

[A]

Just be honest with me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is this what I sound like when I talk about aliens?

[B]

I mean, you know, parallel. Yeah.

[A]

Wait, but how did he get dressed? Like.

[B]

That's what I'm saying, though.

[A]

Got him out the door.

[B]

That's my point.

[A]

How does he look? Normal.

[B]

And how many out there are similar?

[A]

Oh, my. He just didn't take his meds. I have a feeling he just was off his meds.

[B]

You think so?

[A]

Yeah. He went psychotic. But if you take your meds.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You can walk among us, but if you stop.

[B]

Yeah. Can't skip your meds.

[A]

No, dude, that's. That's probably what happened. He's like, I feel good. I don't need to take him. Oh.

[F]

I'm not gonna raise my voice.

[A]

No, don't.

[F]

Because I'm committed.

I'm gonna be crucified.

[A]

Right.

[F]

I'm not gonna raise my voice.

[A]

She's like, what?

[B]

Yeah. She went through a lot of emotions. You could tell.

[A]

And she surrendered at the end. She was like, this guy's safe.

[B]

Yeah. People starting to know. Look at the ladies over there noticing him. They're like, yeah.

[A]

What is going on?

[B]

Also, it's like, all those buttons are gone now.

[A]

I thought about that too. He doesn't know how to sew them back.

[B]

No way. Got to walk around like that now.

[A]

Yeah. It was such a strong choice.

[B]

Yeah. Wow.

[A]

Yeah. Don't ruin the shirt.

[B]

Don't ruin your shirt, man. That was a nice shirt.

[A]

Yeah. Cuz. Yeah. Right now he's got to go home on the subway, open shirt, be treated like a vampire.

[B]

Also, he said there's no bums in Toronto. I would very much disagree.

[A]

Really?

[B]

There's no bums in Toronto? What you talking about? Recently, Like, I mean, I was there. Yeah. Earlier in the year.

[A]

What? What was the bums.

[B]

No, it's just. It's a major city. It has bums, like, anywhere else.

[D]

Yeah.

[A]

Dude, Toronto is where I saw that topless woman with her Fucking flapjacks out.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah. Dog.

[B]

Wait. You talking about the big titty swingers?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That was Manhattan.

[A]

That was in New York. But she didn't. She had a shirt on. I'm talking about. I was in Toronto in a car, and she was just walking with a handbag on and her. Her chachis hanging out. Hanging out, right Out. And I go to the driver, I go, is this. Am I seeing this right? He goes, yeah. You're allowed to do that in Toronto. There's no laws against it. It's protected. If you're a native person or something. You can be topless.

[B]

It sounds very progressive, which is very Canadian.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

It's like, you know, why can't I. That guy's got his tits out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which, like, I don't think is a big deal.

[B]

I've never thought it was a big deal.

[A]

I don't want to show my chajis.

[B]

But you should have the right to, I think so.

[A]

I don't think anyone's going to be like, your torso.

[B]

I mean, it should be fine.

[A]

Yeah. Men or women?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it would make walking much easier.

[B]

How? All this stem, though, like, you're like, oh, this. And then he was like, women wearing their clothes and they're mad because I'm looking. It always goes back to, like, a guy being like, some chick rejected me and God.

[A]

Yeah. God has forsaken me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And women are the devil.

[B]

Women are wearing short shorts and I look and they get mad.

[A]

Yeah. Everything stems to that. That's the religion. We're always afraid of women making us horny and stuff.

[B]

Women. One of your favorites was in the. In the news not long ago. Meghan Markle.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

She faced online criticism after posting a Thanksgiving cooking video in which she prepared a raw turkey while wearing rings and bracelets. In the clip, she's seen seasoning the turkey, rubbing it with spices and lemon zest to the tune of Bob Dylan's Turkey Chase. Captioning it with Let the game begin. Social media users wasted no time mocking her. The hygiene. Many dubbed her the Salmonella Sussex, criticizing her for not removing jewelry while handling raw poultry.

[A]

I mean, who has. I leave my rings on when I do poultry. I don't think that's a big sin. You know what I think is a bigger crime are, like, these banal, basic captions. Let the game begin. Like that, to me, is more of a spiritual crime. Oh, God. Just a screenshot because it was a story. Oh, I just don't understand.

[B]

Why is there more there?

[A]

Tom Explain to me the joys of conformity. Like, why does everyone have to show how basic they are? It's like a basic bitch contest. Right. Like, look how I'm doing the thing everyone else is doing. Doing.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

There's nothing fun.

I mean, that one's reaching. I. I wouldn't call her.

[B]

I feel like for. For this. Her whole thing is she's trying to build a brand. Like her brand.

[A]

Normal chick brand.

[B]

She's trying. It seems like she's trying to be the. Like the house.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

The domestic queen. Right. Like the. The old Martha Stewart kind of lane of like, here's how I do my garden. Here's how I prep the kitchen. Here's how I do. Oh, this is. There you go.

[A]

Yeah, but she's not the expert. That. That this is the big problem.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Is that there's. There's nothing special she's giving.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's no knowledge. New knowledge.

[B]

I don't know enough about prepping poultry.

What are you supposed. I guess just have no jewelry on. That's what they're saying.

[A]

That's what I guess you should wear gloves. I think, in a perfect world. But like, I cook with my rings on. A big deal. I wash them with soap and water.

[B]

Yeah. All right.

[A]

What are you gonna do? I think, look, as much as I dislike this woman's personality, I think this one's a little.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

You know, she's a little phony baloney.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

She's doing those. Like. One of my favorite things to do in the holidays is celebrate with family.

[B]

And the voice.

[A]

What better way. Yeah. What better way to celebrate that family than with a family turkey? I go out to the.

[B]

And then I have to go to meetings and it's like, what are we doing? What's the order gonna be? Are we stocking enough items? It's really exhausting.

[A]

It is so tiring being an entrepreneur and a full time mother. Yeah, like that. Kind of like you're not. We know you're not, babe.

[B]

You have a staff.

[A]

Yeah. You're fine. Let's not pretend.

[B]

I'll tell you who doesn't have a staff. This guy.

[E]

But I don't just do crack.

[B]

I don't just do crack.

[A]

You do pcp. God damn all pcp.

[E]

You goddamn right.

[B]

And don't with me when I'm on.

[A]

It, because you will get up.

[B]

Yeah. Why?

[A]

Cause you can't feel.

[E]

That's right.

[A]

That's why I like it. Because it gets you up for real. Cracking. It's a hit or miss. It might be good, it might not be good. PCP get you up every single time. And I only hit the about five times. I don't sit there smoking a whole cigarette. I don't get stuck in all that. Animal, please. I don't want to hear anymore.

[B]

You never do. That's why you hung up Animal.

[A]

But I've always.

[B]

Your nickname is Animal within family.

[A]

It's amazing. Animal, shut up.

[B]

Here's the deal, Animal. I don't want to hear that shit.

[A]

I've always wondered the difference between PCP and crack.

[B]

Yeah, well, he just kind of laid it out for you.

[A]

I never knew that. Have you ever done pcp?

[B]

No. No.

[A]

Can we get PCP anymore?

[B]

I feel like they don't get it.

[A]

What is it?

[B]

Pcp. That's angel dust. That's like.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

That's when you see, like a guy fighting 13 guys.

Can you imagine running into this clown after he's fucking smoked five fucking hits of pcp?

[A]

Like, what? Where is it from? What is it, a plant?

[B]

It's a hallucinogen. And.

[A]

Yeah, dude.

[B]

Disassociative anesthetic. Right know that sounds awesome.

[A]

Yeah, See, I'm on his team with this. I think PCP sounds fucking way good, dude.

[B]

PCP, that's that literally when you see like one guy and 20 cops, that's PCP. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

It was bigger in the 80s. I remember there were always being news stories in LA about a guy high on PCP, like lifting cars, fighting cops.

[B]

That's. That's what it is, dude. So here, users often experience a feeling of being detached from their body and some surroundings, false sense of strength and disability, anxiety, paranoia, delusions, hallucinations. Disordered thinking can lead to bizarre, aggressive, violent behavior. Physical symptoms include body numbness, slurred speech, loss of coordination, dizziness, increased heart rate and blood pressure, sweating, and rapid involuntary eye movements. Animal is on it. He knows.

[A]

I mean, I like the first two things. You get. You get super strong.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You get a little.

[B]

Think you're super strong.

[A]

That's cool.

[B]

That's what happens. People are like, I am the Hulk. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Do bodybuilders work out on PC?

[B]

No. No way.

[A]

Do you think they should?

[B]

No.

[A]

Well, what's it for?

[B]

I mean, people lose their goddamn minds on this. It's like a super hallucinogen. Yeah.

[A]

So in order, in addition to the.

[B]

Uber guys name animals.

[A]

Yeah, we need to open a gym where we give them PC.

[B]

Yeah. You just have weights thrown through the walls and probably just Dead bodies everywhere. It's real crazy, man.

[A]

Yeah, dude, the PCB gym would be so rad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Just open your heart and your arms to me.

[B]

To me. Smoke some. Smoke some dust.

[A]

Well, hold on. What does crack do?

[B]

You want to get wet. That's what it's called. Because they dip it. They dip the cigarettes. You want to get wet.

[A]

Yeah, but what does crack make you feel? Because that's cocaine and rock forming.

[B]

I mean, it's a super high. It's supposed to be like a very intense, short high, which is like. The real problem is that it goes away.

[A]

It took five minutes.

[B]

People's mind gets altered forever and then they just want to get back on that high.

[A]

And it makes you paranoid as shit, too. It's not like.

[B]

It's not good.

[A]

There's no super strength.

[B]

There's no super strength.

[A]

Can you please look up what crack does to you?

[B]

Sure.

[A]

I'd like to know the difference. Specifically.

[B]

Crack.

It's cooked cocaine.

[A]

What does it make you feel like? Lasts for 15 minutes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The effects. Okay. Blood pressure. Your blood. Blood pressure goes up. Your heart raises. You may lose your inhibitions about doing things like spending lots of money or stuff they don't really need on stuff they don't really need. They may start to feel angry or paranoid. So it sounds like your inhibitions completely go.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which could be awesome.

[B]

Great, dude. Yeah.

You get a huge dose of dopamine. Makes you feel good when. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So the only thing that sucks is you're gonna lose your money and you get paranoid.

[B]

Yeah. But euphoric. Intense pleasure. Yeah. Sudden confidence, burst of energy and alertness. Sounds like a good way to start the day.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Hyper focus, talkativeness, agitation, restlessness. Yeah, the main. The main high usually lasts 5 to 10 minutes followed by a sharp drop.

[A]

That's the problem with crack.

[B]

And that's why you got to get a lot of it if you're gonna start smoking crack. Don't just buy one rock, dude.

[A]

Buy a whole bag.

[B]

Buy a lot of crack.

[A]

Well, let's think about how many rocks you'd want. If it's five to ten. Ten being on the longer end. Dude, for one hour, that's six rocks.

[B]

Yeah. So I would get like 40, 50 rocks to start at least. Yeah. So you can, like, hole up for a couple days, you know.

[A]

Are you eating when you're high on this? Probably not. You're not sleeping, you're not eating.

[B]

Look at it. AI didn't like to give you. Oh, they won't tell you crack information yeah.

[A]

Stupid.

[B]

What's the price of a crack rock? Yeah, it's like, I can't help you with that.

[A]

I think it's cheap. I'm gonna. I'm gonna venture to guess that a crack rock is cheap.

[B]

Yeah, I think so, too.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cocaine is not.

[B]

No, but it's cooked down for cracks of maybe what, 10, 20 bucks or something for like, a rock for a fun night.

[A]

Let's do the math on the. How much?

[D]

25 a gram.

[B]

A gram?

[D]

Some of that.

[A]

How many rocks we buy in? 60.

[B]

Yeah. You got to have your money ready. Don't get into crack if you're broke. No, get a good job, save up your money, buy a bunch of crack and then have fun. That's what I would do.

[A]

I agree. That's the problem, is that poor people like drugs. You should be a rich person.

[B]

There you go. And then you'll keep your money. You won't go broke.

[A]

Duh.

[B]

Duh. You want to hear a nice story before we wrap up?

[A]

Always.

[B]

I have a cool story to share with you. All right, here we go.

[E]

My wife. Sister. Hudson passed my wife's sister about eight months ago.

[B]

Leonard, my wife's sister.

[E]

And she.

You know, talked to me the other day, and she said she haven't had sex since Leonard died.

[A]

Okay. I know where this is headed.

[E]

And asked me, no, can I come over and help her out, you know, because she said she still have needs and she don't want to, you know, mess with nobody. She don't know.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[E]

I know she never had anything to do with me before, but she said she feel comfortable.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

Because she feels like she know me.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

So I told. I had to talk to my wife and see what she said about that. Cause I don't want to get caught up in that, you know, that's my wife's wife's sister.

[A]

Yeah.

[E]

So I talked to my wife, and she's so crazy about her sister. You know, she do anything for a damn sister. So. Yeah, I kind of figured she gonna say yeah.

[C]

Anyway.

[E]

Cause, yeah, sister, you know, they realistic.

[B]

Yeah. They're just. Yeah.

[E]

And so. But she told me, said once I go over there, you know, just, you know, take it easy with her.

[A]

Take it easy.

[E]

Don't be hanging around the house or nothing. Just go over there, do what you got to do, and bring your black ass back home.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[E]

So. And don't be, you know, turning out, making her fall in love with you. Just give her a little something. Just hold over because she.

[B]

Till she.

[E]

I'll call you again.

[B]

What a lucky lady.

[E]

Now I don't want you. Every time I look around, you gotta find an excuse to go over there. I said no, you know, not like that. That's your sister. I respect you, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[E]

I'm just, you know, coming to you. She came to me, asked me to help her out.

[D]

Yeah.

[E]

She haven't had sex in eight months. Cause if I missed eight days, I might be goddamn dead.

I might have to talk a little something, though, you know? Charger, that's the service. You know, I'm going over there.

[B]

It's giving her a service. Yeah.

[E]

So I may have to charge a little something. So I think I'm a good price. I can charge him. I wonder maybe 300. I guess that's a little too cheap though, but.

[A]

300.

[E]

So, you know.

Yeah, I think 300 a fair price.

[A]

All right. I'm done with the. This.

[E]

For my service.

[B]

For my service. What do you think?

[A]

I want to see a picture of the whole crew.

[B]

You do.

[A]

I don't think it's attractive.

[B]

You don't think that this is enough of an. Of a peek into the group we're talking about?

[A]

I mean, look, we've always.

Stressed the importance of teeth on this show.

[B]

Dental.

[A]

If there's not one thing we learned from your mom's house is fix your goddamn teeth, bro.

[B]

Maybe take those payments you're going to be getting for your service and get your two fees kind of realigned, bruh. They're all over the place.

[A]

At the least, it looks like your.

[B]

Glasses ate a grenade. It's crazy.

[A]

Like a cartoon.

[B]

They're insane. Yeah. No wife, Sister. Husband. Landon passed away.

Same to my wife. You know, she craved out of sister.

[A]

He's just such a mess. He is a mess, but I don't believe it.

[B]

I wonder if the wife loves that he shared this with the world. I mean, like, if she did grant him this, that, that. He's. She's like, you had to put that on social media.

[A]

He's so stoked. There's no way. The wife was like, sure, go.

[B]

My sister.

She love assistant. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Anything.

[B]

Don't be making her. Don't turn around. Make her fall in love with you, you know?

[A]

Oh, please. Yeah. A woman said that?

[B]

Yeah. Don't, don't. Don't be doing what you normally do and have her fall in love with you.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

You big sweet treat.

[A]

Sweet looking ladies.

[B]

Man, this guy acting like he's Idris El, but whatever.

[A]

Yeah. So hot.

[B]

Tim yeah.

[A]

If your brother needed it. May I?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I mean he's sad. Just get like 300 bucks.

[A]

300 bucks.

[B]

I like that. He was like, that's cheap for what I'm doing.

[A]

For what he's doing.

[B]

Like my going rate, 700. But I'm gonna do it for my sister in law.

[A]

I mean, you can only see his wife.

[B]

Sister. Husband passed away.

[A]

His chins. What does his body look like? There's no way he can even get up out of the chair. Yeah, he's in the Lazy Boy. He's leaning back. He has no teeth. He can't. He can't.

[B]

No.

[A]

There's no way. This guy's.

[B]

I bet you he can. I bet you he would. He would show. He'd be like, why don't you man? Come after.

[A]

Can I. In all sincerity though, can a man.

[B]

This out of shape fuck well, to some degree. Yeah. I don't think it's going to be top tier exemplary.

[A]

Right.

[B]

No, I think it's going to be something else.

[A]

Like winded.

[B]

Yeah. Laying down on his back.

[A]

It's like Bill Cosby.

[B]

It's gnarly. All right, here's some of your tiktoks.

[A]

Oh yeah, dog.

Hey, that. Damn. But I'm tired now.

[B]

This way.

[A]

Soda all over me.

[B]

Man, you acting like a.

[A]

Breaker table. Taste that soda.

[B]

Why the you keep doing like that to me?

[A]

I was testing my brakes, man.

[B]

I've seen this account.

[A]

Oh yeah?

[B]

Yeah, it's great.

[A]

I know you like it When I do love. Old guys get mad.

[B]

Oh, this guy. This guy tortures him all day. That's all he does. It's great.

Bad news, everybody.

[A]

I guess Cassie's sick of my dude. I came home, she put all my stuff on the yard, says I gotta leave. So.

I don't know if someone can come pick me up, give me a ride, take my to their pad and just store it for a couple weeks until I get my back in in.

[B]

Order.

[A]

You know, I'll pay you in rent and records. There's punker in there, stereo guitars. He's got just, you know, hit me up, dude, trade my drum set or.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I was going to say he's got a lot of drums.

[B]

Got a lot of vocabulary too. It's really interesting.

[A]

Drums and cacti.

[B]

Yeah. So that's sick of his.

[A]

Well, of course his stuff takes up too much space.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cactuses and drum kits.

[B]

Like God news.

I like that he's putting it out to his followers. Somebody come pick up a store it. I'll pay you in? He's. I'll pay you rent or like in vinyl.

[A]

That's cool. I do it for some good records. I would. I'd store his shit.

[B]

I think he probably likes the same shit you like.

[A]

I think he does, yeah. That's why I'm kind of. Now I'm curious. Can I hit him up for those records?

[B]

Hey, man, you still need that storage?

[A]

Yo, is Cassie still getting you down, bro?

[B]

Fucking what you do, man?

[A]

I'll store that bin of gray. Give me that record, bro.

[B]

Yeah, dog.

[A]

I wish Sam's club sold bed sheets in bulk because I keep squirting through mine and it's starting to feel like I'm sleeping on a goddamn slip and slide. A slip and slide what? Oh, that doesn't turn you on, Tom? You don't want to her. That doesn't make you excited about.

Her puss?

[B]

No, she's squirting out of resting.

[A]

Like a flip and slide.

[B]

Yeah. No, she's kind of hot. I'll give it to you. She is pretty hot.

[A]

Don't you think it's hot that she has no tea?

[B]

Yeah, I like it. Yeah, she could really give you.

[A]

You know what?

[B]

You can say it.

[A]

Mouth kisses on your pee pee.

[B]

Be nice. Yeah.

[A]

Good morning, sweetheart.

Oh, I hate hearing a smile, don't you?

[B]

Yeah, that was hearing it. Interesting camera work.

[A]

Of course. He's always doing.

[B]

He's taking you down to the angle he wants to see you at. That's kind of nice.

Good morning, sweetheart.

[A]

If you have to poop, do not hold it in. I said what I said.

[B]

You say it again.

[A]

Yeah. Sage advice. But you know, you do have to tell children that because our sons will go.

[B]

You think this is for children?

[A]

It's just for anybody who needs it. Tom.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If you got a poop, go sit down and poop.

[B]

Don't hold it in.

[A]

Yeah, but a lot of people do. I know you. I gotta take a dump and then I go. Okay, we'll go. No, I'm gonna wait. Let's drive around Santa Barbara. Remember that you drove around for 45 minutes.

[B]

I know. Well, I was wanted to show you something.

Yeah.

[A]

Douchey sounding cringe words. I don't even know what episode this is. First one for today. Remember before we start, it's the sound of the word, not what it's actually describing. That usually pisses me off. Okay, number one for today. Jot. Like when you jot something down. Hate that. Yeah, I hate jot impromptu.

[B]

I think our youngest son's gonna be doing videos like this.

[A]

Pretty soon.

I get everything he's saying. I feel everything. He.

[B]

He doesn't like these sounds.

[A]

There's so many words I don't like. I don't like moist.

[B]

Everyone has that.

[A]

It's disgusting.

[B]

I've never had a problem with moist.

[A]

Ugh. Even you saying it's terrible.

[B]

I think that's so bizarre.

[A]

I don't like the word yurt.

[B]

Yurt.

[A]

A yurt is disgusting.

[B]

Who uses yurt?

[A]

It's in folklore. It's in stories. Native Americans. You don't read Native American literature?

[B]

I do. I haven't nearly as much as you should.

[A]

There's your yt.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

For today.

Impromptu. I hate that word.

[B]

You do too.

[A]

Number three for today is French hot cocoa. H.

Yeah. I don't know if I'm going to get through this. Just call it hot chocolate, man. It's just. Stop with the coke. Oh, I know.

[B]

This dude is like on the verge of a heart attack.

[A]

No, this is how I feel too, when I hear. Can I tell you what I really hate? What I really hate?

[B]

Tell me.

[A]

When people call it their tummy. I have tummy troubles. Yeah, like tummy. Well, there's a few organs. There's a stomach. There's your intestines. There's your uterus. There's all kinds. What are your. Tummy. Tummy.

[B]

It's very juvenile.

[A]

Yeah, we're having tummy troubles. Like just. Can you just call it what it is?

[B]

You fantasizing the phrase?

[A]

Well, because I don't understand what your ailment is. Are you shitting?

[B]

But it's also like a. For a child.

[A]

It is for a child.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Are you shitting? Are you bleeding?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or does your stomach hurt? Those are three different ailments.

[B]

I have a tummy.

[A]

My tummy.

[B]

I have a tummy ache.

[A]

Fuck you. Yeah, your tummy. Our fourth one is non negotiable. Oh, I hate that one. I like that one. And last for today.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The worst fashionista. Whatever the fuck that is. Is that Fashion Police? I hate that too. Somebody who dresses fashionably.

[B]

I like that he's aggravated. Yeah, it's very endearing.

[A]

And yeah, I've said this before. I hate impactful. I think that's a dumb word.

[B]

I always thought that was weird of you.

[A]

I hate impactful.

[B]

That's very weird of you.

[A]

Stupid. No, stupid.

[B]

That's so bizarre. Such a crazy.

[A]

It's a new made up word. I don't like new words.

[B]

Excuse me.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

Do I need an excuse? Is that the frame? I want to set. Excuse me, I need an excuse. I'm sorry.

[A]

Sorry.

[B]

Apologizing for talking. You need to apologize. I'm sorry to bother you. You're framing yourself as a bother. Excuse me, I'm sorry to bother you, but I was wondering if I could ask a question.

Don't ask to ask.

State.

[A]

He's right, dude.

[B]

So all that is wrong. That is the wrong way to frame yourself as a high valued male. When you meet another person. Where's that hat?

[A]

Come.

[B]

Enough play like. Is that part of this too? I'm sorry to bother you, but I bought this hat. Would you tell me if you like it?

[A]

His Russian. Svetlana.

[B]

That is an insane fucking hat.

[A]

Is. But that's.

[B]

He's all about that. He's like. Where the thing that someone goes, the fuck is up with that?

[A]

Yeah, Peacocking. I think he. It's like his flare. He's like, chicks dig flare. And he's not wrong.

[B]

He's not wrong. Because it is a conversation starter, right?

[A]

It's a conversation starter and it shows. Oh, this guy's got confidence. Yeah, it's a weird confidence signal because like, oh, he doesn't care. He paints his nails black. He must be really self confident.

[B]

Yeah, he didn't give a about.

[A]

He didn't give a about, bro.

[B]

Yeah, that's a good point. Good point. Good to see you. Mystery. I really did love you, you know.

[A]

I still do.

I dare to say I loved you more than anyone else has.

[B]

My God.

[A]

Or ever will.

[B]

I think what makes me most uncomfortable is that he looks like me.

[D]

I said the exact same.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh my God. Yeah, a little. You're way more masculine. He's more feminine looking.

[B]

Well, he's rubbing himself. Well, that's kind of strange.

[A]

Is he talking to a girl or a boy?

[B]

We don't know. We don't want to know.

[A]

God damn.

[B]

But that stare into the camera, I think that's the thing that makes me the most uncomfortable when I see the cringe videos. It's the one where they're like.

[A]

Oh, I stop.

[B]

And either. I know it's so off putting.

[A]

But you know what's even more off putting is the filter that he used to make his eyelashes sparkle on these. That's an eye filter. That's what chicks do. That's a glamour filter. I hate it.

[B]

Do you think he's going through it right now? That's why he posted this. Like he's going through.

[A]

Well, this is a good question because I always wonder when I'm really going through something. The Last place I want to be is online. I'll go dark.

[B]

What happens is, though, some people go, I need some input. I need some type of validation.

[A]

So then those people can put the camera on themselves when they're crying or they're emotional.

[B]

We're all. Yeah, it's pretty split. Half the population goes, I would rather die than do something like this.

[A]

Rather die.

[B]

And then other ones are like, oh, this is why I love the do when I'm feeling it, when I'm going through it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Cuz some people aren't embarrassed about publicly going through it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't. But this is like horny. So, like.

[B]

Yeah, there's.

[A]

There's a. Yeah, like, I think horny going through it is more cringy than like, depress. Yeah. I don't. Because he's also putting it out there for the other women who are like.

[B]

You're assuming it's women or other people.

[A]

Who are like, she dumped you or he dumped you. I would gladly take their place.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

That's what this is really about.

[B]

Believe someone left you.

[A]

You're so hot. He's fishing for, of course. Good feelings.

[B]

Putting it out there. Yeah.

[A]

Shut the up. You're sitting in the police transport van after a protest. Shut the up.

[B]

In a holding cell with your comrades.

[A]

Shut the up. Cop knocks on your door. Shut the up. Texting on an unsecured device. Shut the up. Pulled over by the cops after a protest. Shut the up. Cops. Just asking about your day. Shut the up. Feds.

[B]

Call your mom.

[A]

Tell your mother to shut the up. Now repeat after me, when the cops come calling, what do you do? Shut the fuck up.

[B]

I mean, he is so right. This is the best. This should be.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Played on the news. This should be on television all the time.

[A]

I know.

[B]

This is exactly right. This is good advice. If you're listening right now, it's funny. But. But it is true.

[A]

It's true. Because we. I mean, you have a bit about it on the first 48. It's like nobody goes, I want to speak to my lawyer. Which is the first fucking thing you should say. And don't talk to them.

[B]

Don't talk to the clowns.

[A]

They'll use it against you.

[B]

Never.

Even if you're like, I didn't do anything. Shut up.

[A]

Shut up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cause they'll fucking twist it. Or.

[B]

I don't know. Yeah, you just gotta.

[A]

I don't know. I've never been in jail.

[B]

You gotta keep your fuck up shut.

[A]

Day in my life. You know what I'm saying.

[B]

Yeah, every clown knows that, right? They always know to shut the fuck up.

Right?

Why are you shaking your head?

[D]

Getting so close.

[A]

To what?

[D]

What are you talking letters in your head?

[B]

Oh, stop.

[D]

I see it.

[B]

Oh, stop.

[D]

I know which one's coming first. There's a big one in the front of your mind. I see it.

[B]

You're out of your mind. You're out of your mind.

[D]

We were starting ads yesterday. Oh, stop getting all smiley because you're thinking of it. I know what you're thinking. You're spelling it out.

[B]

Oh, my God, you're crazy. I love the nose, though. That is a very, very nice.

[D]

You know what? I bet you do.

[B]

I love clowns.

[A]

Oh, I love clowns too. I love clowns. I love all people.

[B]

I've never had a problem with clowns.

[A]

Never had a problem with clowns.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Different colored clowns. Clowns of all sizes, of all religions. Clowns of all creeds.

[B]

Yeah.

All the clowns in the world. Pull up your pants. Tie your timbs. Stop being a clown.

Wow. Wow. That's a specific look to these clowns.

That's the crazy thing is he just typed clowns that you just typed in clowns.

[A]

No, it was listening to us.

[B]

Why are these questions clowns? So one type of clown.

[A]

I don't like that.

[D]

Google.

[B]

Yeah. How does. How does Google know that.

That we are talking about clowns?

Huh?

That's really interesting.

Well.

Yeah, this was great.

[A]

It's a great, great time.

[B]

It was really fun.

[A]

We learned about safety.

[B]

Safety is real important. The garage. Locking your garage, disabling the fobs, or.

[A]

Just taking a bolt that piece of rope off. Just take the string off.

[B]

Take the string off. Keep a flashlight on you at all times. You don't want to fumble through your phone looking for, oh, where's the flashlight button?

[A]

Wear a vest.

[B]

Boom.

[A]

Wear a vest, Boom.

[B]

Like, yeah. Scan a room and a parking lot for right to left between 8 to 10 seconds from 5 yards and then go to 25 yards. Get a feel for the area. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Get a feel.

[B]

Get. Be safe out there.

[A]

Slow. Go. Let it rip. Let it go.

[B]

Let it go.

[A]

Are you farting?

[B]

No, I was just adjusting. Moving in my chair. But this was a lot of fun. We will see you clowns next week. Take care. And.

Turn your music down, for Christ's sake. We'll see you next week.

[A]

Sa.

[B]

You say that I'm a false blood. Kenny, Take it.