Is This Weird? w/ Rob Iler | YMH Ep. 779

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Is This Weird? w/ Rob Iler | YMH Ep. 779"

Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura Episode 779, titled "Is This Weird? w/ Rob Iler," released on October 2, 2024, delves into a variety of engaging topics ranging from personal relationship quirks to societal commentary and personal struggles. Hosted by Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura, with regular guest Rob Iler, the episode offers a blend of humor, candid conversations, and insightful discussions.

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1. Relationship Dynamics: Tackling Snoring and Sleep

The episode begins with Tom Segura addressing upcoming tour dates, setting a casual tone. Shortly after, the conversation shifts to personal anecdotes between Tom and guest Nina (Nina seems to be a recurring guest alongside Rob Iler).

Notable Discussion Points:

• Snoring Issues: Tom expresses frustration over Nina's loud snoring, likening it humorously to "a donkey."

  Tom Segura [02:15]: "It sounds like a grown man. Like a trucker."

• Sleep Habits: Nina shares her strategy to cope with snoring by letting it pass and occasionally using Invisalign.

  Nina [02:54]: "I have to sleep on my back because of my fake tits. Sweetie, they're healing stuff."

• Chapstick Banter: A light-hearted exchange about the unpleasant smell of Tom's chapstick adds comedic relief.

  Tom Segura [02:43]: "It's a proper way to put on chapstick."

2. Diversity and Inclusion: Critiquing the Black Down Syndrome Barbie

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing Mattel's release of the first Black Down Syndrome Barbie, highlighting both the company's intent towards inclusivity and the public's mixed reactions.

Key Insights:

• Authenticity Concerns: Christina and Tom critique the doll's design, arguing that while it's a step towards representation, it falls short in accurately portraying Down Syndrome.

  Tom Segura [19:06]: "Like, I can't put. I can't figure that out."

• Public Reception: They analyze social media comments, pointing out the ignorance and frustration among some consumers regarding the introduction of a doll representing a specific race and disability.

  Nina [20:04]: "That's the comment that got me."

• Corporate Diversity: The hosts question whether Mattel's approach to diversity extends beyond surface-level diversity in products.

  Nina [19:53]: "Scroll down more. Not for me over here about to cry. This is the epitome of representation."

3. "Fancy Chef": A Satirical Take on High-End Catering Services

Tom introduces a segment critiquing "Fancy Chef," a self-proclaimed master chef offering extravagant catering services. The hosts mock the exaggerated claims and the ostentatious nature of his promotions.

Highlights:

• Over-the-Top Claims: Christina and Tom humorously dissect the chef's marketing tactics, emphasizing the absurdity of his prices and the questionable quality of his dishes.

  Christina P [29:58]: "She's not downsy enough. That's the problem."

• Visual Comedy: They playfully comment on the chef's Instagram presence, pointing out the lavish presentations juxtaposed with the lack of substance.

  Tom Segura [53:05]: "Look how nice the cartana lizing down my number now."

• Attempted Engagement: Despite their skepticism, the hosts express amusement over the chef's relentless self-promotion efforts.

  Tom Segura [63:23]: "You can make a jacket if you want to. You can just order that jacket for sure."

4. Guest Interview: Rob Iler Opens Up About Addiction and Recovery

Rob Iler joins the hosts to discuss his personal journey with addiction, shedding light on the challenges of overcoming substance abuse and the importance of support systems.

Key Moments:

• Personal Struggles: Rob shares his battles with gambling and various substances, providing an honest account of his path to sobriety over the past 11 years.

  Rob Iler [86:05]: "So I saw, like, a specialist in New York to get off of the Xanax."

• Impact of Addiction: He reflects on how addiction affected his relationships and daily life, highlighting the emotional and physical toll it took.

  Rob Iler [89:18]: "But it was just like. My doctor was basically like, you're not gonna make it, like, healthy much longer if you don't, like."

• Coping Mechanisms: Rob discusses the strategies he employed to manage his addiction, including routine and seeking professional help.

  Rob Iler [86:33]: "And it just got. It really got scary for me when, for some reason, like, I couldn't kick the one."

5. Addressing Racism: A Candid Rant Against Prejudiced Remarks

Towards the latter part of the episode, the hosts and Rob confront and condemn racist comments made by a caller, fostering a discussion on the prevalence of racism and the importance of calling it out.

Notable Quotes:

Listener [98:22]: "They have good singing. And playing sport."

Tom Segura [98:20]: "This is not lazy. And I'm lazy. Right, okay. So this is lazy skin."

• Call for Respect: They urge listeners to respect all races and condemn derogatory remarks, advocating for a more inclusive and understanding society.

  Tom Segura [99:07]: "No, no. I don't go, oh, my God, peas."

6. Humorous Segments: Peeing Influencers and Absurd Interactions

Injecting their signature humor, Christina, Tom, and Rob engage in playful banter about peculiar internet phenomena and amusing personal anecdotes.

Highlights:

• Pee Girl Mockery: They ridicule a fictional influencer known as "Pee Girl," exaggerating her social media content to comedic effect.

  Tom Segura [51:26]: "You can buy videos of her taking a golden shower. Yeah."

• Absurd Scenarios: The hosts create fictional scenarios involving uncomfortable interactions, blending satire with real-life relatable moments.

  Tom Segura [59:52]: "I want you to book the chef. You got an event. Holidays. Book me down."

7. Closing Thoughts: Reflections and Listener Interactions

As the episode wraps up, the hosts reflect on meaningful moments, share final thoughts, and respond to listener emails, maintaining a connection with their audience.

Key Elements:

• Memorializing Friends: Tom shares a heartfelt story about losing a friend during a trip, expressing condolences and emphasizing the value of friendships.

  Tom Segura [67:03]: "We were, we were big, big fans. You've been living in Austin now for how long?"

• Listener Stories: They read and humorously dissect listener-submitted stories, blending genuine emotions with their characteristic comedic responses.

  Listener Email [95:31]: A childhood encounter with a local celebrity hooker named "Colostitude."

• Final Banter: The episode concludes with the hosts and Rob engaging in light-hearted, albeit absurd, conversations about hypothetical scenarios and future content ideas.

  Tom Segura [105:03]: "He's going to pay for it."

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps:

• Tom Segura [02:15]: "It sounds like a grown man. Like a trucker."
• Nina [20:04]: "That's the comment that got me."
• Tom Segura [53:05]: "Look how nice the cartana lizing down my number now."
• Rob Iler [86:05]: "So I saw, like, a specialist in New York to get off of the Xanax."
• Tom Segura [98:20]: "This is not lazy. And I'm lazy. Right, okay."
• Tom Segura [99:07]: "No, no. I don't go, oh, my God, peas."

---

Conclusion

Episode 779 of Your Mom's House masterfully balances humor with poignant discussions, offering listeners a multifaceted experience. From light-hearted relationship talks and satirical takes on societal trends to deeply personal stories of addiction and recovery, Christina, Tom, and Rob provide both entertainment and meaningful insights. Their ability to navigate diverse topics while maintaining a cohesive and engaging narrative underscores the dynamic nature of the podcast, making it a worthwhile listen for both regular fans and newcomers.

Transcript

[Tom Segura]

More 2025 dates will be announced very soon. Limited tickets left for Columbus on October 4th and Detroit on October 5th. Tickets and all upcoming tour dates at tomscagura.com tour well, welcome.

[Christina P]

Welcome to your mom's house.

[Nina]

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[Tom Segura]

Hello, mate. Welcome to another episode of your mom's house.

[Nina]

My mom says, my mom, do it.

[Tom Segura]

Do it. No, no.

[Nina]

That'S been a new one. In the cigarette house is the Australian Nay.

[Tom Segura]

Nice.

[Nina]

Terrible night.

[Tom Segura]

How you going.

[Nina]

Nay? Yeah, I'm so tired. I've been like, the kids have been waking me up and you've been waking me up snoring so bad the fucking balls on this.

[Tom Segura]

So bad the balls on this broad. Yeah, I've been going to sleep every night and every night you have been snoring like a donkey. And do you know what ends up happening? I just go, well, you know, just let her do it.

[Nina]

I have cancer time.

[Tom Segura]

Exactly.

[Nina]

I can do whatever I want. Licensed ill.

[Tom Segura]

Here goes the cancer. Yeah, so I. I'm sitting here with my invisalign and I. I still, I keep my mouth shut and I go, let her do it. And then I fall asleep. And then I'll be like, I'll hear tomorrow. Hey. And I'm like, huh? And you're like, you're snoring. And I'm like, you're snoring.

[Nina]

And you're like, that's.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I'm like, jesus, you snore.

[Nina]

Yeah, I laughed.

[Tom Segura]

And then you're like, turn over. Do something. Move. I'm like, okay. Like, I've been dealing with your. Your snores for months now.

[Nina]

So what?

[Tom Segura]

I have to say it to you.

[Nina]

I laugh. Yeah. Cuz you're like, you snore. Cuz that's how my mother used to. Oh, everybody hold on. Tom's putting chapstick on with his mouth open again. Where you really get those corners moistened, huh? Lubricated.

[Tom Segura]

It's a proper way to put on chapstick.

[Nina]

Do you like the smell of this chapstick?

[Tom Segura]

No, I don't like this one at all.

[Nina]

It smells terrible.

[Tom Segura]

But I just want to have, you.

[Nina]

Know, Let me hook you up. Hook you up. There's better flavs in the world.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Nina]

I have to sleep on my back because of my fake tits. Sweetie, they're healing stuff.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Nina]

But I do feel like I get a cancer pass for, like, a year. You have to be much nicer to me.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Nina]

Can I tell you a secret now that we're past it?

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Nina]

It's almost as bad as pump.

[Tom Segura]

Are you about to say, putting holes in the. Guess what. I didn't have cancer.

[Nina]

I didn't have cancer this whole time.

[Tom Segura]

That's awesome.

[Nina]

It's putting holes in the wall for the hamster.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Nina]

The day that I got my biopsy, the nurses were joking and they were like, you should tell him it was really worse than it. It was that he treats you nicely. And I was like, I think I'm going to try that. I totally faked that it was bigger than it was to get you to.

[Tom Segura]

Be nicer to me.

[Nina]

They did punch a hole in my tit, and there was blood everywhere. That's true.

[Tom Segura]

You. You told a very dramatic story. I remember.

[Nina]

Tell me, tell me, tell me, because I, I, I did it up.

[Tom Segura]

Let me ask you for. How did I respond?

[Nina]

Was, no. You were first. You were like, can you drop me off at the office after your biopsy? And I was like, no, I have a hole in my tent and I'm high on Xanax. I can't drive you anywhere.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. But then.

[Nina]

And then you're like, okay, yeah, okay. And then you were nice to me.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Nina]

You were super nice to me.

[Tom Segura]

So intended goal achieved.

[Nina]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You told, like, a harrowing tale. You were like, they were supposed to just make this. They told me it was going to be a small incision, and it ended up being just so much bigger, and there was so much blood. Blood on the floor. Blood was shooting out.

[Nina]

It's true, though. That part is true. There was blood everywhere. That's the truth, though.

[Tom Segura]

You're like, it's way, way more intense than. Than they would describe. I think there's. It was just. They didn't expect it to be the way it was. I was like, oh, wow.

[Nina]

It was fun to. With you. I was so high on Xanax that it probably should have been more traumatic than I felt.

[Tom Segura]

And then the nurses and you together were like, you should do.

[Nina]

They're like, you should tall it. Mecam. You know how women talk. You should tell it back home.

[Tom Segura]

You got you back up to stuff that you Bought.

[Nina]

Yeah. It's like when you get your makeup done.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Nina]

For a TV show and they're like, your husband should take you out. You look hot. But you don't. Cuz in real life you look crazy.

[Tom Segura]

He's like a psycho.

[Nina]

You look like a clown.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Nina]

So anyway, I did lie to you a little bit. I embellished, I believe.

[Tom Segura]

But you're just so. You know, I'm not embellishing about your snoring. It is intense and it's.

[Nina]

How loud is it?

[Tom Segura]

It sounds like a grown man. Like a trucker.

[Nina]

Don't lie.

[Tom Segura]

Taking a nap.

[Nina]

Why don't you record it? Yeah, record it.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, I'll record it.

[Nina]

Yeah. You know technology.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I know how to press record. Yeah, I'll do it.

[Nina]

Do it.

[Tom Segura]

I'll do it. I'll do it and then I'll surprise you on the show.

[Nina]

What should I do, tape my mouth shut again?

[Tom Segura]

No, just do it. All right. Just do your thing. I'll. I'll deal with it. All right, I'll deal. Would you like to open the show? Ready to get to have some fun today? Ready to have a good time?

[Devin]

I'm ready to have a good time.

[Tom Segura]

You ready to.

[Nina]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. To do our thing. Hold on. YouTube is trying to our that we got to.

[Devin]

Who does feel me?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, she's right.

[Nina]

They're trying to our still always.

[Tom Segura]

It's just a whole thing. The whole world's changed with them.

[Nina]

I know. And meanwhile some guy that puts his finger in his butt and nairs his.

[Tom Segura]

That's fine.

[Nina]

He's fine. My kid can go see him do that stuff.

[Tom Segura]

He's like this makes me look bigger when I trim my dick like this.

[Nina]

Unreal.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. It's on YouTube.

[Nina]

Yeah, it's. Don't let your kids on YouTube.

[Tom Segura]

Anyway.

[Nina]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Let's do something nice. How about a nice way to open the show?

[Nina]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, sure.

[Christina P]

Are you a. Oh, that loves seeing a. Oh jack his dick off. When I'm exhausted and tired from doing the act. Will you love the finale me of busting my calm in your mouth?

[Tom Segura]

Who is Randy?

[Christina P]

Don't bring anyone loving to this.

[Nina]

Wow.

[Christina P]

Welcome to your mom's house.

[Nina]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Good opener. I think the most menacing part is just the stare. It's so dialed up.

[Nina]

Yeah. Can I write stuff down? Give me your pen. That chapstick smells. Smells like medicine.

[Tom Segura]

Are you a yes? Yeah.

[Nina]

See, the thing is I hadn't considered his offer. I hadn't considered this as an option. And then his conviction and his level of certitude Yeah. I might be on board with watching him do this, but I don't want to.

[Tom Segura]

Seriously, I never would have imagined 100 years that this was going to go to this. Really?

[Nina]

I don't like the use of the N word. I'm a. I don't want it.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Nina]

But let's play it again, because I want to make sure I know what the offer is.

[Tom Segura]

Go ahead. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm pretty confused by it, too. Here. Let's go back to it. Are you a.

[Nina]

Yes.

[Christina P]

That loves seeing a jack his dick off when I'm exhausted.

[Tom Segura]

He's exhausted and tired from doing the act. From jacking off. That's what he's saying.

[Christina P]

Will you love the finale?

[Nina]

Not a blink yet, Meals.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Christina P]

Busting my calm. In your mouth.

[Nina]

I don't want it in my mouth.

[Tom Segura]

Where do you want it?

[Nina]

Anywhere else.

[Tom Segura]

Anywhere else.

[Nina]

Anywhere else.

[Tom Segura]

Forehead.

[Nina]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Well, that's what you said. Anywhere else.

[Nina]

I'm just thinking, like, it's so intense.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. This dude is on the ver. I mean, he is. This kind of gives you, you know, this is good for women to see this. This is a level that all men get to. We don't always articulate it, but this is. We're all. We're all positive. It's all possible. Like, men always have a hum, right? Of like, yeah, yeah, I need to come. And it just stays there. And if you let enough time pass and you arouse a guy enough and he's denied some, then he just gets just like, do you want to see me jack off in your mouth? Like, every guy can see this on some level. Go like, well, I've been there. I mean, I didn't make a video. I didn't make the video, but I've.

[Nina]

Been there because we've all. We've seen many a frenzied, horny man.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah. This is a. And also, this is different. This is contained, but it's contained erotic rage. Right. That's what it is. It is. He's not screaming, but his dick is. Like, he's about to.

[Nina]

He's at a 20.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Nina]

If he doesn't come right now with somebody else. Now, here's the thing.

[Tom Segura]

What I find interesting is that we always tell women, you know, or tell people. Men, men, women don't like this. But here's what's interesting. Audience. This video played, and the woman in the room was like, I wouldn't mind watching this. So it just shows you that when you have conviction and when you. When you really have drive There is somebody who's willing to say yes.

[Nina]

Well, I think only because his level of salesmanship and his. His conviction. Yeah. It's so the emotional. It's like when you watch a talk. Hold on.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Nina]

It's not about the algorithm. It's about your emotion at the time. And he is so keyed up. You're right. It's a rageful sexual energy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Nina]

Now, is it that he needs someone else to watch him come, or that he just needs to come right now? It's as the other person has to be there.

[Tom Segura]

Well, it's a two. That's an interesting thing that you said first. Well, first of all, I'd like to say, ultimately, what sold you on this is something that you, as a man, you hear your whole life, which is confidence, passion. Like. Passion like that. Women respond to that.

[Nina]

See, I'd watch it, but I don't want the come in my mouth because I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

Again, you're only saying it's not allowed in your mouth. Is it allowed on your.

[Nina]

Well, don't put on my body. Just come somewhere else. Why do you have to come on me?

[Tom Segura]

I didn't know that you were willing to be in the same room. I thought you'd just.

[Nina]

I don't know about that. He didn't say that, did he?

[Tom Segura]

Well, I don't think he. I mean, no one asked for that specificity but you. I mean, this feels like something you could say, like, I'd watch the video, and here you are being like, just keep it out of my mouth.

[Nina]

Here's the thing. I've seen many a guy masturbate in public.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, sure.

[Nina]

On public training transportation, on park benches, homeless people, under tunnels, under freeways.

[Tom Segura]

Got it.

[Nina]

It's fine. But I don't know if I. I wouldn't want to be so close to him in proximity, because this is. This could go somewhere else.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, of course.

[Nina]

But I'd watch a vid. We've seen.

[Tom Segura]

We were all thinking vid. You were the only one who was like, just not on my leg, so.

[Nina]

Oh, okay. Yeah, I'd watch.

[Devin]

Do we have.

[Tom Segura]

I don't think anybody imagined you being in the same room as the guy.

[Nina]

I mean, that. Yeah, that would be.

[Tom Segura]

That's the only place your mind went.

[Nina]

Let me ask you this. Why is he wearing headphones?

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Nina]

Askew. Why are the headphones.

[Tom Segura]

He's probably in a truck and he's on break right now. He's just delivering something, driving across.

[Nina]

That's your Amazon guy?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Nina]

In between packages.

[Devin]

He's so keyed up, dude.

[Tom Segura]

You forget that that's. That's. Who's filling the world up, is people like this are doing regular jobs, too.

[Nina]

Regular people.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, Yeah, I know.

[Nina]

It's. It's really wild to think about people's secret proclivities and, like, what gets them ramped up.

[Tom Segura]

This guy's ready to nut.

[Nina]

He's. I've never seen a guy this angrily contained, though. Yeah, I'm looking for girls for, like, we've seen the creepy horny, but this is a new type of horny.

[Tom Segura]

But here's the thing.

[Nina]

Rage horny.

[Tom Segura]

But this is what's interesting. And I think you're kind of like, sure you've never seen one of these? And said, like, I'd watch that. And then something about this man, maybe because he's not fucking. He's not an ugly guy.

[Nina]

He's not attractive.

[Tom Segura]

He's not a creepy guy. But he's saying some pretty wild. And you're like, I. Check it out.

[Nina]

You know what, though? Hold on, Tom. I'd like to point out that since this show has started, I've evolved. Oh, I've changed. I'm an older, broader. I'm more accepting now. I watched Will Blunderfeld stand on his head and masturbate into his own mouth.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Nina]

I have come all over my face a few times now. I'm open.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Nina]

I'm more open.

[Tom Segura]

All right, cool.

[Nina]

Once you.

[Devin]

Okay, you come.

[Nina]

That one I'll never, like, see, but that one's not. It's so tiny. Sad when he comes. When he. It's so anticlimactic.

[Tom Segura]

And the buildup is so long, so terrible.

[Nina]

It's so pathetic. And it's because of his.

[Devin]

Let me see all that jump.

[Nina]

His. His circulatory system is not healthy.

[Tom Segura]

When I heard he died, I'll say this. Shocked, I was not surprised. Shocked, I was not, like, yeah, yeah.

[Nina]

Well, thank you for sharing this. This is really cool.

[Tom Segura]

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[Devin]

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[Tom Segura]

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[Nina]

Yeah, speaking of our words, did you know that I'm so happy to announce this? I don't know if you guys follow my social media. You really should because I love breaking these stories in my stories that they finally, finally released Black Down Syndrome Barbie.

[Tom Segura]

Oh yeah.

[Devin]

I mean very returned.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Nina]

And well, could you bring up the post Zolo? Because as always, the comments are really what kills me.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Nina]

So it's a news report where this woman is like due to the huge Demand in the black community. We've made. Mattel's decided to make Black Syndrome Barbie. And of course, the comments are just like, no, we didn't. Yeah, could you not.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Nina]

Where is she? Bring up that post.

[Christina P]

Some dumb country bitch.

[Nina]

Mattel releases the first ever. We can't play this audio, right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, probably not.

[Nina]

So. So here's what the audio is saying if you're not. Obviously, that due to the large demand in the black community, we've. That Mattel has finally done it. And this white lady here, Candy, is here to tell us how amazing it is and how there's three arrows to represent the. The third, you know, chromosome and, or whatever. And. But also, if you'll notice, which I find. And this is an actual down syndrome girl playing with it. If you'll notice this Barbie still kind of hot. Like skinny. Compliment that she's skinny and still effable, which is kind of creepy, don't you think? I'm just pointing out that.

[Tom Segura]

Well, here's the thing. If you hadn't said anything, I. I'm just saying I would never look at this Barbie and go, oh, it's the Barbie with Down syndrome.

[Nina]

Right?

[Tom Segura]

Like, I mean, I can't put. I, I can't figure that out.

[Nina]

Right. So it's still kind of creepy that a children's toy has to be. Yeah, I mean, I mean, it's.

[Tom Segura]

She's still hot, which just looks like she has a black dad and a Korean mom is what this kind of looks like. You know you've seen those, right? And you're like, wow, she's pretty hot.

[Guest]

Korean mom.

[Tom Segura]

You're like, that's a great mix.

[Nina]

Okay, let's see.

[Tom Segura]

I thought I saw at a glance at that comment, said, boy, that's Sagura. I didn't actually read it, but wow.

[Nina]

Okay, now if only they hire black designers on the Barbie team. Diversity, inclusion needs to extend beyond the dolls.

[Tom Segura]

That's a valid point.

[Nina]

That's a so valid point.

[Tom Segura]

Scroll down more. Not for me over here about to cry. This is the epitome of representation. Okay, next is. Who asked for this?

[Nina]

That's the comment that got me.

[Devin]

Then who asked for this?

[Tom Segura]

Then the next comment is, I don't have a problem with the down syndrome doll. I have a problem with only being the first black with down syndrome. As if down syndrome don't exist in other races. Why couldn't it be a series of dolls?

[Nina]

I agree with that.

[Tom Segura]

You know what this also highlights, though, is how the idea that everybody gets to comment on anything Is just chaos. Like, this didn't exist. I always think about this didn't exist 20 years ago. Where like, you can just do things and you'd be like, I don't know. I think people like it. And like now everybody gets to tell you every one of their thoughts, you know, catering to sensitive people is so nice. Okay.

[Nina]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

The most complaining set of people who.

[Nina]

But I agree, like, why isn't there every race of down syndrome doll?

[Tom Segura]

So we wanted a black syndrome doll, bro. What? How a toy supposed to have down syndrome? Good, good point, man. You're right. That doll doesn't actually have it.

[Devin]

Who would write that?

[Tom Segura]

Who would write that down? Symptom. How is that your idea? That's bullshit. This doll doesn't have down syndrome. Prove it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Nina]

No, this piece of plastic doesn't really have down syndrome.

[Tom Segura]

Where was the white doll at?

[Nina]

Agreed.

[Tom Segura]

Y'all need to do shades.

[Nina]

Agreed.

[Tom Segura]

So where's the white?

[Nina]

The white don't wipe.

[Tom Segura]

Looks like a regular barber to me.

[Nina]

Well, yeah, like, is it such a prevalent thing in the black community?

[Tom Segura]

It just goes, oh, what the fuck? It looks like a normal black person. Yeah, it does. They always into something. This is not okay. Okay. I don't see the down syndrome, but I'm happy they're being inclusive.

[Nina]

She's not downsy enough. That's the problem.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, here's the thing though. Imagine this is. They didn't design one doll and go, here it is.

[Nina]

Right?

[Tom Segura]

So that means in the early iterations, it was probably a doll that they were like, yo, this is. And they're like, what you told us. You know, the designers were probably like, well, we did what we. What we do.

[Nina]

And they're like, they had to find just the right amount of downs.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Nina]

Which is so gross. Like, how many focus groups did they sit down with and do this kind of stuff? It's just so bizarre.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. I just see a doll whose father was stationed abroad and did a couple tours and had a kid. Yeah, it's exactly. I see.

[Nina]

I know. I don't think she is downs enough. And also, like, she still.

[Tom Segura]

Why she couldn't be white.

[Nina]

Oh, what? What? What? And about plus size Barbie. I think that was like the first one they did.

[Tom Segura]

Is there a plus size Barbie?

[Devin]

Of course.

[Tom Segura]

Let's see it.

[Nina]

That was. Here's the first one is the fact.

[Tom Segura]

It'S gonna be just slightly bigger and they're like, it's still hot.

[Nina]

She's not even Bridgerton fat.

[Tom Segura]

She's just like plus size Barbie, please.

[Nina]

Penelope was much better. That is not accurate. That is not the Barbie they released.

[Tom Segura]

I think it says ABC News.

[Nina]

No, no.

[Tom Segura]

Find her for real Dances with Fat.

[Nina]

Yeah, see, that's not real. That's not the real one. Because I collect these. Don't you know, every time they come out, I buy it.

[Tom Segura]

You do buy these.

[Nina]

I have an entire collection of diversity Barbies.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Nina]

Because it's the right thing to do, guys. I'm inclusive.

[Tom Segura]

It's important to remember that Mattel cares.

[Nina]

They do.

[Tom Segura]

That's part of corporations.

[Nina]

Really care.

[Tom Segura]

Corporations are always about, like, how can we be more diverse, including diversity. Is that really the Barbie?

[Nina]

No, it's not. It's not. There's.

[Tom Segura]

Can you make it bigger?

[Nina]

They wouldn't put chins on it. No, it is.

[Tom Segura]

I'm trying to tell you, man.

[Nina]

No.

[Tom Segura]

What does it say under the photo? What does the caption there say? Like, the little caption. Can you make that bigger?

[Nina]

This is horrible. Hilarious.

[Devin]

It says artwork was created by Barbara.

[Tom Segura]

So.

[Nina]

Yeah, I don't think it is real.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. Yeah, because they wouldn't. It's too pig like. Like, they. Yeah, if they were gonna do it, they'd be like, hey, what's up with the triple chin?

[Nina]

Yeah, that's too exaggerated.

[Tom Segura]

They just do a. Like a wider shoulder base and be like, oh, it's fat. You know, it's not.

[Nina]

This Barbie's a size zero. Like, real Barbie. Barbie's normal is like a zero.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Nina]

So she's like a size six. And they're like, she's obese. Like, that's still. It's.

[Devin]

Guys, this is.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God, this is horrible.

[Nina]

Who asked for this? That was my favorite comment there.

[Tom Segura]

I can't believe that people really want that type of representation. Look, I like, but I would never want to buy a photo or a doll that looked like me. I'd be like, no. Like, I would like to aspire to something better.

[Nina]

Yeah, I know.

[Tom Segura]

Like, I know what I see in the mirror, and I don't want a doll of that. I want to see one where I go, oh, that'd be cool. If I like Superman. You go, oh, Superman. It's like this unachievable physique, but you go like, yeah, that's the.

[Nina]

It's a point.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you go, that's a. Aspire to be. Like.

[Nina]

Much like our guest coming in today, Ms. Kendall. She's. She's an aspirational figure. It's. That's. There's a reason her ass was on the peloton bike, not mine.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, that's why I look like her. It's the fitness influence. All the instructors are in great shape. Yeah, of course.

[Nina]

But we'll, we'll bring her in in a minute. But that is so fun. Yeah. So that was my favorite one. Yeah, it was really, really cool.

[Tom Segura]

I was really cool.

[Nina]

Freaking radical. So what else? What you got?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God, there's so many cool things in here. Hold on, let me see. Well, I mean, you know, we spoke to fancy Chef. Yeah. And I've never been more excited. I know. I'm saying we spoke to fancy chef.

[Nina]

Oh, you're recapping for the audience.

[Tom Segura]

Exactly. As a broadcaster, I'm just.

[Nina]

It's cookies in cream.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Nina]

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[Tom Segura]

So it was interesting because my favorite. Well, besides the, the, the honor and the joy of speaking to fancy chef, who I've become a huge fan of, I was sort of floored and, and, and, and quite surprised that when I said, what can we hang? He goes, whatever the fuck you want. And I go, great sea bass. He's like, yeah, I don't fuck with seafood. And I was like, okay, that's an interesting thing. He's like, you know, I don't get my hands on all that smell. I'm like, what? So, yeah, but then our staff here, our crack staff pointed out to me that he does sometimes, you know, I'm gonna add some fresh lemon to shrimp right there.

[Christina P]

I'm gonna add some fresh lemon. That's nice.

[Tom Segura]

That's delightful.

[Christina P]

That's mouth water. That's mouth fresh.

[Tom Segura]

Is that lemonade?

[Christina P]

That's tandemizing. That's beauty. Amount that give you birth.

[Nina]

Beauty.

[Christina P]

I love this, love that get you connection with the chef. That's remarkable. That's nice. That's exciting. That's nice and pretty and beautiful in your mouth. Tastes wonderful. That tastes great. All those spices, all those things, it looks delicious.

[Tom Segura]

Wow. That'd be, that's easily a three or four thousand dollar dish from, from where I'm sitting, of course. Yeah. I've seen some of his prices. They're wild.

[Nina]

Is that right? How much would this, you think this is a $4,000 dish?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know about this one. But he has, first of all, his price map is all over the place. So sometimes he's like, you know, if I, if you want this, I'll do $300 per person for this. If you want to host this type of event. And you're like, okay, like, that's pricey. But like I've seen, you know, events that they go, there's a price per head and this is like top tier stuff. And then sometimes he'll be like, this is a dish, it's 15 grand, like for a dish.

[Nina]

That's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

I've never even. I know he has his own like.

[Nina]

What other like flecks of gold in it? You know, maybe sometimes trying to think, no, what could. Is it rare meat? Maybe it's like imported snake.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, you're kind of some country. It's like you're asking Gandalf, how do you make this potion or something? You know, it's like, I don't know, it's like, can it really give you the answer Burger? I love burgers. I love burgers.

[Guest]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

That's huge.

[Nina]

How's he going to cook that through?

[Tom Segura]

Also, it's such. Can I tell you what an interesting choice it is to not flatten out the meat and to prepare your burger as a meatball? Something I would say I've never seen actually done before.

[Nina]

Neither have I.

[Tom Segura]

Most places I've ordered a lot of burgers. What they do is they press it down, right. And they actually, even if it's large, they. They press it so that the burger cooks and kind of stays in a flatter circumference. Right. Like. But this huge softball of meat is really fascinating.

[Nina]

How's he gonna cook it through? I'm very curious.

[Tom Segura]

Again, it's like he's going to fry it.

[Devin]

Wow.

[Nina]

It's going to take hours. Well, he's browning.

[Devin]

It is.

[Tom Segura]

You know, you bring up a great point, is that I don't think the heat will ever pene penetrate the center of that. But maybe that's the fancy in the fancy. Yeah. When you go, chef, this isn't cooked. And he goes, just eat it.

[Nina]

It's beautiful. It's nice.

[Tom Segura]

It's beautiful and nice.

[Nina]

Yeah, that's true.

[Christina P]

This is the type of stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, he told Zolo, go to the store.

[Nina]

Is this home goods fancy and nice.

[Christina P]

You to have where you want to eat. Fancy. And the chef likes stuff like this. Fancy. A lot of this stuff is going to go on sale for the holidays. But I want you to look into it. I want you to get it. Now, when a chef cooks for you, there's a type of place and dishes that he wants to have to put the fancy food on the fancy. Fabulous food by the fancy shop.

[Nina]

Yeah. Do you want to know something embarrassing about us?

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Nina]

I don't even think we have fancy things like that.

[Tom Segura]

Well, we don't have fancy things like that. But I'll tell you this. We're getting it if he's coming.

[Nina]

Oh, of course.

[Tom Segura]

If he said how to do it.

[Nina]

So we actually do eat off of paper plates a lot. Because I don't want to do the dishes.

[Tom Segura]

I understand.

[Nina]

And I don't have matching anything.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Christina P]

This is the Mac and cheese.

[Devin]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Never seen that color.

[Nina]

Cilantro. And the Mac and cheese on top. Wow.

[Tom Segura]

So nice.

[Nina]

Very interesting.

[Tom Segura]

Do you think that's like mozzarella? Because I've never seen it white like that.

[Nina]

It's very creamy. So it could be ranch.

[Tom Segura]

It could be ranch.

[Nina]

Because he does like to incorporate ranch or strawberries in there. You never know. He loves strawberries.

[Tom Segura]

My favorite, which I tried to get him to talk about was desserts. I was like, you? And he's like, yeah, I'll do whatever you want. And then he was like, yeah, I won't do that also. But I just got a question. If you want to eat Greek, you.

[Christina P]

Want a master gourmet chef to cook for you, something done, and you need a function to go. All you got to do is call.

[Nina]

That does look nice, the pear.

[Christina P]

All you got to do is hit up the chef.

[Tom Segura]

Wow, look how nice the guy.

[Christina P]

Exquisite. Look how nice. Just look how summertime dog. The chef has made.

[Guest]

The chef has prepared.

[Christina P]

Look what the chef has created. Some masterpieces by the chef. The chef has created nothing but masterpieces by the chef. Nothing but masterpieces by the shirt. Nothing but masterpieces.

[Nina]

It's interesting.

[Tom Segura]

I'm so excited.

[Nina]

Oh, I am, too. When is he. He's coming. When? How much time do I have to wait? Next week, I'm gonna save up this appetite.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Nina]

I'm gonna come in good and hungry.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He has three different sized bottles of Hennessy and three different sized bottles of Bacardi in that. That's the fancy on the table. I mean, you know, you have to know your guests. You don't know who likes what amount. It's. It makes perfect sense.

[Nina]

And I'm sure it accompanies the pear flavoring nicely. He's thought this through.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Nina]

This is deliberate.

[Tom Segura]

I can't wait to see the menu that he arrives with for us.

[Nina]

I can't wait. Do you think he'll send it over in advance for approval or he's just going to surprise.

[Tom Segura]

I think we said, ultimately, do your thing. Like, just do your thing.

[Devin]

I want strip is what he said. New York strip with, like, red potatoes.

[Tom Segura]

So I think what you should do, if you don't mind, is when you. When you quadruple confirm that you. You could say, hey, we're now going to do a store run for you, Chef, and then just go, like, I was going to pick this up and pick that up. Is there anything else you need so that we have everything that he wants, you know, Will do. I mean, would it be worth, you know, going shopping with him and taking the crew and seeing how he shops? Maybe we get the food with him.

[Devin]

That's good content.

[Nina]

That's really interesting. To see how he, how does he price?

[Tom Segura]

I just don't know if we could do it right.

[Nina]

How does he price out a fifteen thousand dollar plate? Let's find out.

[Tom Segura]

Right there. Yeah, good thought.

[Nina]

Because that, that's how we can find out the logic of like, I mean.

[Tom Segura]

I think he would. Yeah, that's a great idea. Is to be like, hey, so why does this cost this much? Since I just spent $37. Why is it 15,000?

[Nina]

Why is. Yeah, it's. So how much is he going to charge us? Do we know, do we know what you're paying for this?

[Tom Segura]

I do. I don't think I should say it until later.

[Nina]

It is a tax write off. It's for the show.

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Nina]

For this.

[Devin]

Just to have the experience.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. I mean, this is what life is supposed to be about. Experiences.

[Nina]

You're telling. Who are you telling me to. I love it.

[Tom Segura]

And I've, I can tell. I've actually, I've befriended a number of chefs in the world and I, I love chefs. They're. It's like hanging out with comedians or musicians. They're artists, you know, and to be able to say that I have had a fancy chef cooked meal is really. I bet you none of my chef friends have done this. And they're going to be like, wait, what the fuck? You had fancy chef cook for you? And I'll be like, yeah, and guess what? He makes more than you do.

[Nina]

Yeah, well, he knows his value, which is very important in our, in any business.

[Tom Segura]

I'm very excited.

[Nina]

Know what you're worth.

[Tom Segura]

All right, we should take a quick break. I'm so stoked. Fancy chef is coming and our guest. So, yeah, we'll be back in a few. It's time to make peachy. And we are here. Joining me as always is my lovely co host, Christine, and she'll be weighing in with some of her thoughts and questions throughout. Don't you worry about that. And joining us today is one of our favorite return guests. You can see him every Thursday on the YMH Studios YouTube channel as part of his podcast. Not today, pal. It's Rob Iler, everybody.

[Devin]

Thanks for having me, buddy.

[Tom Segura]

No, thank you for coming in. How's the poker scene?

[Devin]

Everything's great.

[Tom Segura]

Everything's great.

[Devin]

Yeah. Yeah. Things are good. Life is, you know, it's good, it's good.

[Tom Segura]

You look good. You look fresh.

[Devin]

Thank you.

[Tom Segura]

You look rested. You must have slept ton last night. Are you, are you, are you excited about football being back?

[Devin]

That's all I care about. Yeah, yeah. I Just wanna, I just want every day to be Sunday. We could just gamble all day. That's the only thing I have left to gamble.

[Tom Segura]

Gamble on any other sports or is it just football?

[Devin]

I mean, I do, but I don't really enjoy like, like the NBA finals are fun and you know, but, but baseball's the worst. Like you gamble on baseball and you just, it's, it's absolute misery.

[Tom Segura]

I'm not doing that.

[Devin]

It's horrible.

[Tom Segura]

Football's the only one also because I didn' up really with like gambling as part of life. But in the last few years start, I started to get a better understanding of. Well, there's just like, there are a lot of complex layers to get like a bet to a kid is I bet you the 49ers will win.

[Devin]

Right?

[Tom Segura]

That's the bet. Yeah. Right. But then you get into actual gambling. It's over unders and it's like side bets and it's all that like that like. Do you get involved in like the multi layered, like levels of bedding?

[Devin]

I'm not, I'm not really good at that kind of stuff. But the, that, that and also that stuff feels kind of new. Like I remember, I don't know if I was like 6, 7, 8, but I remember like putting in parlays when I was like six or seven or eight years.

[Tom Segura]

Parlays?

[Devin]

Well, because like my grandfather would be at the bar all day and there were these cards that you get like these sheets and then it was like you pick three teams and you get like six to one on your money or whatever. So that was what they didn't. It was a way that you could bet like $5 or $10 to make a bunch. I remember my first bet. Yeah, like I had 20 bucks for my birthday or something and I told my, my grandpa, like, I want, I want to use this money to do a parlay like you do, you know. And I did a parlay and I lost and I've been hooked ever since.

[Tom Segura]

Wow. So that was. You got. I got to get that money back.

[Devin]

Yeah, yeah, I've been, I've been chasing that 20.

[Tom Segura]

Chasing it ever since.

[Devin]

This whole time?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I forget. Are you also a blackjack fan? I forget.

[Devin]

No, I don't really because like, you know, I lived in Vegas for years and I would just see everybody come and lose and it's just. You're like, why do you, you know, we're poker. You, you, you could win money because you're playing against other people.

[Tom Segura]

I've been at blackjack Tables, though, where our people are winning ins. First of all, betting insane amounts of money. 30, 000 a hand. And I'm like, holy shit. And winning.

[Devin]

Yeah, Well, I mean, the. The edge is not insane. Like, I don't know the exact numbers, but it's only like 56%. So, like, 44 times out of 100, you're gonna win. It's just. It's all about that 6%.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And here's the thing. It took me a. I mean, took me a while to figure out, I guess, is that you just have. Because it is gambling, right? You have to, like, accept things. But when you play blackjack, you just get good shoes and bad shoes. You know, like, there's a time where you'll go through the shoe, and you're like, man, like every other. I'm winning, like, five hands in a row. And you feel good. You're like, I guess this is just what it's like. And it's not. You just got a great shoe. And the way you should do it is just kind of enjoy that and leave. That's the hard part. Because other part is, like, there's shoes that come out, and you're just like, this is fucking insane. I've lost nine of the last ten, the hands dealt. And you go, this is all bullshit. But you just. That's just it. It goes well, and then it doesn't. You have ups and downs.

[Devin]

Like, if you tell a casino, I want to come and play a hand of blackjack for a million dollars, they don't really care. But if you tell a casino, I got $50,000, I'm coming for the weekend to play blackjack all weekend, they're like, yeah, come on.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

They're like, we'll give you a nice room. We'll give you that. Because they know that 50 grand is. You know, it's a very high percent chance it's going to be theirs. Where the million dollars is, like 54 or 55%, which they don't really. They don't really care.

[Tom Segura]

I had the. Also the experience of. I've never bet crazy, crazy money, but I've also stayed at, like. You know, we play a lot of casinos in standup, right? And you pay the. You play the really, really nice ones that are. There's a few across the country.

[Devin]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then we play some real dirtbag ones, right? Yeah, like some real. And you know who you are. And we play.

[Devin]

I've been in some casinos.

[Tom Segura]

And the thing is, like, they'll pay the performer. Re like, real money, right? They'll give us like a real fee to do this show. And you get there and you're like, this dump is paying me. Like, where the do they. They don't put the money in the facility. No rooms.

[Devin]

The employees.

[Tom Segura]

They'Re all just like out of an insane asylum.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And it's. It's all dog. And then you play blackjack. And let's say we have one of those just good hands, right? Good night, Good little run. And I'm walking out. Few grand up, maybe five. And I'm like feeling. I'm like, you know, that's to me, because I don't bet crazy.

[Devin]

I'm like.

[Tom Segura]

I'm like, wow. And as I'm walking out, one of the pit bosses like, hey, where are you going? And I'm like. Because I've been. We've been playing for like an hour or something. I'm like, we're just turning it in. They're like, oh, we have a. You want to come over here? And I'm like, what. What's going on? And I realized they're just. They're trying to get that back. And I'm. You trying to get five grand back?

[Devin]

Yeah, but they are. You could. You could tell. How? There's almost like a rule where it's like, you could tell how good a casino is by high hot. How high the ceilings are. Mm. So like I've been in casinos where it's like six foot ceiling, and you're just like, oh, and like this filled with.

[Tom Segura]

That's a smoke point. It is.

[Devin]

But you go somewhere like the Wynn or Aria, and you're like, I can't even see the ceiling.

[Tom Segura]

It's 200 foot ceiling.

[Devin]

Yeah. And you're like, oh, this is nice. You could always tell.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And then, you know, you walk around, you walk out with five grand. They're like, have a good day.

[Devin]

Yeah. Oh, they don't even.

[Tom Segura]

Little place.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

They're like, hey, hey.

[Devin]

If the dice hit the ceiling when you're rolling craps, get out of there. Yeah, that's not good. It's your boy Devin here, y'all.

[Guest]

And I'm so proud of myself.

[Devin]

I didn't itch my. When I was out in public today.

[Tom Segura]

I'm so proud.

[Devin]

I didn't itch my butthole.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, bye.

[Devin]

One of the better dressed, cool guys.

[Tom Segura]

This guy is very cool.

[Devin]

I didn't itch my asshole. Yeah, we've all had. Listen, we've all had it.

[Tom Segura]

Itchy assholes are. I mean, that's One of the things that I'll say was really nice to evolve over the last, you know, human kind evolves and we get new technology. These portable wipes that they started to make, like single pack wipes.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And you go. When you check, you're like, oh, it's so much brown. That's why it's itching. It's really nice.

[Devin]

Yeah, Yeah. I don't even do the single. I just bring out the whole pack.

[Tom Segura]

I travel with two of them now. Two entire. I learned from Jeff Tate, the great Jeff Tate, a comedian. I was like, I'm. We're on the road and I'm like, I'm going to take a dump. He's like, oh, hold on. And he reaches into his backpack and gives me the. The wipes to go to the.

[Devin]

He must love you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And I'm like, wow, are you traveling? He's like, well, don't. You don't travel with stuff.

[Devin]

And I'm like, no, I would never get. There's no one else. I'd give my wife if my brother was like, I'm gonna take a shit at Big. Have fun. I wouldn't give anyone else my wife.

[Tom Segura]

Those are just for you.

[Devin]

Those are on lockdown. Yeah, yeah. No way.

[Tom Segura]

And at the house at your place, do you have a washlet?

[Devin]

Well, that's. You know, I. I had one for a while, and then I kind of started getting in my head about shooting water in my ass. That's. That's from like. Like, you know, Vegas has really bad water. There's a lot of places that have really bad water. And I'm like, I don't know if this is good for me because I'm crazy with like, hel.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

And I'm like, I don't know if shooting this water in my butt is good for me.

[Tom Segura]

You have a, like a theory about this?

[Devin]

Like, yeah, Like, I just. I think, like, you know how they say, like, don't drink the water from this place and this place? I'm like, well, should I be shooting it in my butt then spraying your with it? Yeah, I just don't know.

[Tom Segura]

It's seeping into your system.

[Devin]

Definitely. Yeah, they say like your sucks up just like, Just like your mouth, I.

[Tom Segura]

Think they say might.

[Devin]

Yeah, they say like, if you. If you put like, alcohol in your. In your blood, you get drunk like.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Devin]

So you're.

[Tom Segura]

You're absorbing that stuff, alcohol poisoning, very easily like that.

[Devin]

That's what I'm saying. So what's coming in that. What's Coming from that water. So I just use the baby wipes.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Devin]

Yeah. I have a lot of time to think. I don't have kids or.

[Tom Segura]

So you won't if you. What? If you stay in a hotel that has it, you won't use the sprayer?

[Devin]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Devin]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Because you're afraid of what it's doing to your system.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's a pretty paranoid thought.

[Devin]

Yeah, I have a lot of those.

[Tom Segura]

Really? What's another one?

[Devin]

I don't. Zolo knows, but, I mean, I just have a. Let the boys know. I mean, I don't know what.

[Tom Segura]

Did you get the jab?

[Devin]

Huh?

[Tom Segura]

About Bluetooth.

[Nina]

The Bluetooth one's wild.

[Devin]

Well, I always keep my Bluetooth off on my phone and, like, on everything, because I think I'm just like, this can't be good for me. I don't even think that's that crazy. Like, I always keep Bluetooth off because I'm like, I know it can't be good.

[Tom Segura]

Do you ever use Bluetooth?

[Devin]

When I do, I'll put it on. Yeah. But I'm not just, like, 24 7. Yeah. It's like, in my. In my pocket all the time. I don't want to have Bluetooth on all the time. And in my head, I'm like, there's no downside to turning it off.

[Tom Segura]

Right?

[Devin]

It's one of those things where I'm like, hey, if there's no downside, why not?

[Tom Segura]

What's the issue?

[Devin]

Yeah. Why not? Leave it off?

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Did you get the jab?

[Devin]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

No. No. Yeah. I had covert, like, three times. And they're like, yeah, get this. I'm like, no.

[Tom Segura]

No way.

[Devin]

Yeah. Why?

[Tom Segura]

I know. I did. I got it. Yeah, I know. People ask me. They're like, why did you get that? And then I have this very silly reason why. Do you know why travel? No. Two of my cousins are virologists. They're infectious disease doctors. And I was like, hey, should I get this? And they're like, what are you. Of course. And then I did. So I blame them.

[Devin]

Yeah. Listen, I think it's a coin flip.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

I just look at it as, like, hey, you know, you do it. Yeah. I don't know. I don't. I wasn't like. I wasn't one of those people who were like, you know, they're trying to kill me with it. But I also was like, this can't be.

[Tom Segura]

But now, the thing that is fun is that the people who didn't get it, like, they'll be like, yeah, so. And so. Do you hear what happened?

[Devin]

He. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Got in a car accident. Oh, yeah. Totally the job.

[Devin]

Yeah. Well, the funny thing is, so Jamie's. That's not funny. Jamie's son got really sick, and all these people were like, yeah, it's because of the vaccine, this. And then she was like, no, he didn't get the vaccine. And then they're like, oh, well, sorry.

[Tom Segura]

Sorry about your kid.

[Devin]

Yeah. It just becomes quickly like, oh, well. But they, like, they go on the. You know, they also attack Jamie for using a brown emoji. Do you know this?

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Devin]

Because she's half Cuban, right? But she's also, like. She's brown. She's, like, brown, naturally.

[Tom Segura]

Olive skin.

[Devin]

Right? So her. Her emoji she would use for stuff and on, like, Instagram was, like, a browner girl. And, like, people came after her and they were like, you're. You can't use brown emojis.

[Tom Segura]

Wow. I'm gonna start. Just because you said that you should. I'm gonna start doing that.

[Devin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

My mom's Peruvian.

[Devin]

How dark you gonna go?

[Tom Segura]

She gets. My mom gets very, very dark, you know?

[Devin]

But how dark emoji are you gonna go?

[Tom Segura]

The blackest one, of course.

[Devin]

Yeah, naturally. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I'll be like, here I am. And it'll just be a black guy.

[Devin]

Yeah. And you're like, oh, my mom's a quarter Peruvian. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You didn't know?

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Just see how people react. Like, well, that's how I feel today. What if I identify? It's darker.

[Devin]

Yeah. 100.

[Tom Segura]

It feels like it's in line with what people do.

[Devin]

It's in the eye of the beholder.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, for sure.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's. So no Bluetooth.

[Devin]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Anything else that's along those lines?

[Devin]

I don't. I do a lot of stuff, but I would have had to think. But again, you know what? You know what the problem is? It's not weird to me. So I don't know. Like. Like, they say the Bluetooth thing is weird. I would never put that as, like, a weird thing.

[Tom Segura]

Is this weird, Guys?

[Nina]

I got this really cute matching red set. Doesn't it look so good?

[Tom Segura]

Good on me.

[Nina]

Red is, like, the best color ever.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know what she is? Is She's a piss influencer.

[Devin]

Oh, but is she one of these people who, like, tells you why it's good or she just does it?

[Tom Segura]

She just does it.

[Devin]

Okay, cool.

[Tom Segura]

Her. She goes by Pee Girl or Danny. She makes vlogs, but she's always Peeing in them.

[Devin]

And this is why you can't trust anybody.

[Tom Segura]

You can buy videos of her taking a golden shower. Yeah.

[Devin]

You just can't. Because you'd meet her and be like, wow, she seems really. Yeah, she's really pretty. Oh, my God, she's cool. You can't. And that's. That's another thing. I'm. That's probably the weird part about you. I am just. I spend over 90% of my time in just pure isolation.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

Yeah. Just gambling.

[Tom Segura]

You guys might be a cool match. Me and her Power. Power Pisser. That's what she goes by. Her page is just this, right? It's just pissing.

[Nina]

Yeah, I think so.

[Devin]

Here, let's pull it up. You just can't trust her. Look at the smile while she's peeing. I can't. I can't. 20,000 followers.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I mean, there's people that like piss.

[Devin]

I thought there'd be more, to be honest.

[Nina]

3 Stanley Cups is equivalent to drinking.

[Tom Segura]

A gallon a day, Isn't it so pretty? And also, you know, I have to give her credit on something here.

[Devin]

That's. That's a real deal Jersey Gal right there.

[Tom Segura]

And look at people are like, I love you. Currently handling the morning wood with this one.

[Devin]

I mean, what a great comment. That's a real deal Jersey Gal right there.

[Tom Segura]

I want to give you credit for the skill it takes to capture what's going on without capturing the nether regions that you're not allowed to post. I mean, that takes practice, you know, because you're not seeing her box. You're just seeing the beautiful nectar that is shot out of it.

[Devin]

And she's behind a truck. You could see.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

Which is cool.

[Tom Segura]

How do you feel about pee?

[Devin]

How do I feel about pee? I mean, I'm not. Not a fan. I don't care about it either way. In what way?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, are you aroused by it?

[Devin]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Have you ever had someone pee on you?

[Devin]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Piss in your mouth?

[Devin]

No.

[Tom Segura]

No. You ever pee on a girl?

[Devin]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Devin]

I'm not. It's not my. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. I mean, obviously, there's 20,000 people that are like, this is fucking awesome.

[Devin]

Yeah. No, I'm not one of those guys. Are you? What do you think about. How do you feel about pee?

[Tom Segura]

I'm kind of indifferent. I'm not.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I don't. I don't go, oh, my God, peas. The grossest thing. But I'm not.

[Devin]

Yeah. Maybe if I lived in, like, Russia and it was like. And I was really cold. Yeah, I could find something like kind of comforting about it.

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Devin]

But we live in fucking Austin. Piss is disgusting.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, piss smell is pretty bad.

[Devin]

Yeah. 110 degrees here. Imagine somebody trying to turn you on with piss. So gross.

[Tom Segura]

Like when you walk into a gas station bathroom and it's like they could.

[Devin]

Have cleaned it so back. It's so bad.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's. It's pretty intense. Okay. My happiest find in the last few months. Probably this year, actually.

[Devin]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Is who I'm going to show you right now. His, he goes by Fancy Chef.

[Christina P]

5760-438687-02742 1784. 516, 713, 9000, 493. Book me. He's got multiple numbers, mansions, castles, yachts, penthouses only.

[Tom Segura]

So love him. He's out for hire. He, you know, he just does like he said, high end only. And he's. He has 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 stars that he has given himself on his jacket there on the collar and.

[Devin]

On the breast pocket does it say international chef? That's always cool.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, International Chef. On the other side it says things like master chef, pastry chef.

[Devin]

He's kind of giving himself some valor on the neck. You see the five stars on the neck?

[Tom Segura]

Five stars on the neck.

[Devin]

Wow.

[Christina P]

And like beautiful and nice by the chef. I'm gonna call this milk here. Beautiful, beautiful.

[Devin]

Look at the hat.

[Tom Segura]

Look how beautiful.

[Christina P]

Look how nice. Look how tantalizing. Let's look. I want you to book me. I want you to book me now. You never seen this before? Never been done. I got lamb chop, I got strawberry, I got honey, I got honey ranch. I got beautiful stuff in there. Nice. Got gold. How nice. I cooked that lamb to perfection.

[Tom Segura]

Lamb, strawberries and honey in a wine glass. Yeah, it's like you've never seen some like this before.

[Devin]

In the 90s, this guy would be hip hop artist in New York. With those glasses in the, in the previous one, I thought he was gonna be like. I thought he was gonna be spitting some.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. No, he's just showing you what he does here.

[Devin]

I think that's the back of the hat that he has in the front, right?

[Tom Segura]

I believe you're correct. Yes.

[Christina P]

Beautiful, delicious. That's so delicioso. I want you to dial my number. I want you to dial it now. 570-604-3868. Look how nice the cartana lizing down my number now. Beautiful and nice by the chef.

[Devin]

Ah.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, wow.

[Devin]

There's someone else there.

[Tom Segura]

There's other people there.

[Devin]

I saw a person's hand. I thought he was alone for sure.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, but I mean. I mean, you do. Well, would you hire him?

[Devin]

I mean, he wouldn't work in my apartment. I live in a one bedroom. Oh, yeah, he does. Only mansions and castles.

[Tom Segura]

Gross.

[Devin]

Yeah. We got to have him at your place.

[Christina P]

I can look at these burgers and I can also touch the firmer they are. The firmer they are, the more they're done. I can look at them also. I could tell the structure on them. They're done. All right. I could tell without even using my thermometer. Big burgers. Thousand dollars a piece.

[Tom Segura]

Thousand dollars a piece for caviar on them.

[Christina P]

Raise them to a million dollars. Those burgers.

[Devin]

Wow. To be honest with you, I don't. You know, he is incredible because I don't even think I could get food to look like that.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, no, you couldn't.

[Devin]

How do you do that? Cool guy club.

[Tom Segura]

It's. It's. It takes skill. I mean, also, that pan has not been cleaned. Maybe ever.

[Devin]

So is this guy on Instagram? Where is he?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Devin]

Wow. How many does he have? More followers than the piss girl.

[Christina P]

What's my favorite meal?

[Tom Segura]

He's gonna.

[Christina P]

You know what I tell him? Peanut butter and jelly. And guess what? I put bananas on it, too. Yeah, those are two big bananas on my peanut butter.

[Tom Segura]

You gotta slice them thinner for the show.

[Christina P]

Peanut butter and jelly.

[Tom Segura]

That's way too.

[Devin]

You know when a cartoon character, their glasses cover their hat, and you're like, nobody would ever do that.

[Christina P]

I like it.

[Devin]

I love it.

[Christina P]

Beautiful.

[Tom Segura]

Beautiful.

[Christina P]

I want you to book the chef. You got an event. Holidays. Book me down. You want my peanut butter and Jack Kelly, I'll make it for you. Thanks.

[Devin]

I really like this guy.

[Tom Segura]

It's amazing.

[Devin]

Yeah, you know what, too? I think he fought, like. I would like to see. I'd like to go see who he follows on Instagram. Well, because I feel like he follows.

[Tom Segura]

Like, top tier chefs.

[Devin]

Not. No, I think he finally follows any chefs. I think he follows people who, like, you know, those kind of people who tell. Like, if you. If you say someone's name and, like, tell them what to do, like, you'll get them, dude. Because he just. He's like, you're going to book me? Oh, you know, like, that kind of vibe.

[Tom Segura]

Following cooking style. Personal chef Cal Cakes by Tamara. Amy's little cakes.

[Devin]

Wow. He must not watch them. SpongeBob.

[Tom Segura]

He follows SpongeBob SquarePants, chef Richard Ingram. A lot of kitchen stuff. Pizzerias. Another chef there? Yeah. He's like, we are one. We're one unit.

[Devin]

I. I bet all the chefs he follows are just hot chicks that he likes to watch because there's no way he's following a single direction.

[Tom Segura]

No, he's not. He's been. He said he's been in the kitchen for 40 years, right? Yeah.

[Devin]

So he doesn't need.

[Tom Segura]

His comments are awesome.

[Devin]

He's got more followers than the piss girl. He does, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. People write that. Got garnishing. It ain't even cooked.

[Christina P]

I slid it two times.

[Tom Segura]

You've outdone yourself, Chef. Chef. You left the stickers on the pepper.

[Devin]

He put cilantro on fish. It's not even cooked.

[Tom Segura]

That's crazy. It's crazy. What's that one? That's a store bought cake. He does that a lot. He puts fruit on store bought cake.

[Devin]

Oh, wow.

[Tom Segura]

He's like, check this out. I just made this. Wow.

[Devin]

Thank you, chef.

[Tom Segura]

Just take the strawberries right out of the container. No need to wash them. Don't worry about the explosive diarrhea, chef. You did it again, chef.

[Devin]

You did it again, bro.

[Tom Segura]

Bought the out of the market. Yeah. He loves strawberries. He puts them on everything.

[Devin]

Yeah. I really like. He's got the. The playfulness of a child, you know? Yeah, yeah. Like, kids do this. Like, they, they put. They can't. They can't stop, you know? Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And they go, I just want to do it again. That's what kids do. They go, I want to do it again. Right.

[Devin]

You put all the strawberries on there. Oh, wow.

[Tom Segura]

A rose. Beautiful. Beautiful and nice. Beautiful and nice.

[Devin]

That's actually not terrible compared to what I. Compared to what I would do if someone told me to decorate a cake.

[Tom Segura]

He's just taking the flowers that somebody probably put in that base.

[Devin]

I love how he feels zero pressure to narrate what he's doing.

[Tom Segura]

Or he's like, you're just watching a master do his thing, so.

[Devin]

Right. Yeah. This is like watching those Japanese guys make the sushi and they don't say a word. Brilliant.

[Tom Segura]

Beautiful and nice. That's.

[Devin]

You gotta have him on here.

[Tom Segura]

We've tried. No, we've called all the numbers.

[Devin]

Tell them.

[Tom Segura]

Wow. All the different flowers too. You would think you would go for some type of cohesion.

[Devin]

You tell. If you just tell them, you'll hire them and then you'll pay him to be on here. I mean, there's no way this guy wouldn't. Come on.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Devin]

Have him cook for everybody, you know.

[Tom Segura]

Like, he would be very excited.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Nice.

[Devin]

Oh, now, like, doesn't Bird has that guy come and, like, smoke stuff? This could be your version of that. This guy could follow you on the road. You have him on the bus with you.

[Tom Segura]

Someone's encouraging him. No, they're not. You don't. What about you? Are you done? Okay.

[Devin]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Jesus. Go to one of his. Well, one of his. One where he's telling you what to do. Let's see here. Yep, there's a lot of. He likes putting fruit and. Beautiful.

[Christina P]

Nice. I'm gonna add this ranch over this ranch. I got this cardi b whips. Just watch.

[Devin]

Watch Ranch.

[Christina P]

I got this cardi b whips. How nice and beautiful. How nice. Beautiful and tanned.

[Devin]

The comments is Jeff glitched out.

[Christina P]

Oh, how nice. And beau.

[Tom Segura]

And the phone's always ringing. Now I know why it's always ringing. It's always ringing. Dude.

[Devin]

That'S you trying to get him.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's me being like, chef, answer, please.

[Devin]

I love this guy. Yeah, it's big fan.

[Tom Segura]

A lot of stuff in wine glasses. A lot. And then here he is, like, telling you what's up. Like, sometimes he's just.

[Devin]

Let's extravagant.

[Christina P]

Okay. Let me help some of you people out. 40 years plus, I got in the kitchen. 40. No one gave me this jacket. I earned everything. I earned it all and more. I've been in the kitchen since 4 years old. You see that? See that number? 4 years old. I've been in the kitchen 40 years plus hours. Decades, months. 16 hours, 14 hours.

[Tom Segura]

Does that have many different.

[Christina P]

8 hours, 12 hours in the kitchen. I worked every station you can imagine.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Okay. So when you a chef and you in the kitchen, you got to know what you're doing, and I know what I'm doing with 40 years. Four that fall. That 40 years. All right, 40 years.

[Tom Segura]

Got it.

[Christina P]

Put that your pipe and smoke.

[Tom Segura]

You hear it? It's ringing.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Proud of it. And I'm proud of it.

[Tom Segura]

Answer your phone.

[Christina P]

Everyone's trying to book you anything that I can't make. And a lot of you chefs, you know what I'm talking about. Y'all don't make Southern food. I can't name me a chef.

[Devin]

40 years of strawberries, you know, that.

[Christina P]

Can make soul food. You can't make this it, and you know it.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, we're good.

[Christina P]

Talk to me about being a chef. I've been in it my entire life.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, we're good.

[Devin]

You know what I think is going on here? I think he Has a voice in his head or like a little guy on his shoulder who's like, you're not a real chef. And then he has to go on the rants of like, I am a real. Because like, people seem to be really nice in his comments and like encouraging him. But he's like, challenge. Like he's. He's coming out on every post being like, I am a real chef.

[Tom Segura]

You can make a jacket if you want to. You can just order that jacket for sure. Yeah, we should order a similar jacket.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

But you should put six stars on.

[Tom Segura]

Your six stars and list every type of chef you can be. Yeah, all types.

[Devin]

You say 22 hours.

[Tom Segura]

22 hours a day in the kitchen. I've been in here 41 years.

[Devin]

Ranch.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

He's putting ranch.

[Christina P]

Look how beautiful. Look how nice. The chef presents to you his pink red rose petal dessert. Fresh fruit with a splash of champagne. Look at beauty. Look at greatness. Look at love. 570-604-3868. Get at me. I'm for higher. Don't be shy. Bow.

[Devin]

I think you gotta sweet talk this guy a little more and get him here. I don't think you're doing.

[Tom Segura]

I know. We gotta try more. Yeah, we have to try more.

[Devin]

He's got a. He can cater the show.

[Tom Segura]

I know, but he also. Do you. Do you have the unbooked one? Is that here?

[Devin]

Have Netflix execs call this guy. He's. He does full catering.

[Tom Segura]

It's. It's unbelievable because like he's always putting out these messages like, book me, book me, book me, book me. You know?

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then we actually have a video where someone calls him to book him.

[Devin]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

But like, doesn't go so well. So. Yeah, I don't know if it would actually be possible to get him here.

[Devin]

You think he's like a little paranoid or something?

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Devin]

You think he's had a lot of. Yeah, I could. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I think his Bluetooth is off too, if you know what I mean.

[Devin]

Yeah, I think. I think his might be on.

[Tom Segura]

That's the 20.

[Devin]

This is what happened. Yeah. 22 hours with the Bluetooth, you know, cuz I see he has the headphones in all the time. That's a. See.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. Georgia. Yeah. Okay, I'm start that. Yeah.

[Devin]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

This evening.

[Devin]

Okay.

[Christina P]

Where you located?

[Tom Segura]

I'm located in Atlanta, Georgia.

[Christina P]

Okay. I'm all booked up. All right.

[Devin]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

But you can't make it out tonight? I can't for about 12 people this evening.

[Christina P]

Okay. Where are you located?

[Tom Segura]

I'M located in Atlanta, Georgia.

[Christina P]

Okay, I'm all booked up.

[Tom Segura]

I mean that's, that's what you want though.

[Devin]

He really believes that's the front of the hat. He does, yeah. That's def. That's gotta be the. I'm not, I'm no chef. Sorry, Chef if I'm wrong, but that, that's gotta be the back of the hat.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, People want me is what he posted.

[Devin]

That's his caption with the glasses and the stars. He does have some sort of like military flair.

[Tom Segura]

He does have. There's a confidence that comes from. Oh, from him for.

[Devin]

You could tell that's why I'm saying like he reminds me of like a hip hop artist in the 90s. Like when he talks, you're listening, you know.

[Tom Segura]

That's amazing. Where are you located? I'm all booked up.

[Devin]

Constantly asking people to call him only to say I'm all booked up is diabolical. That's that comment.

[Tom Segura]

Fucking crazy, dude. So we got the email. I have some fortunate news for you and the YMH family. My wife and I were on a trip to Ireland for the FSU vs. Georgia Tech Football game. Of course, we had to stop at Oconnors Pub in Killarney to see our buddy Sham. Unfortunately, we were told by the pub bartenders he has passed away. My deepest consolences to you and your YMH family. It was a heavy disappointment to travel out of our way and have my wife at me the whole ride to find out he has passed away as well. Anyway, see you in May. Keep your jeans high and tight and your hot sauce. Jake and Emily from Atlanta, ga. So you know, what do you think.

[Devin]

Makes it a great town? Yeah, lots of tourists around. It's great, isn't it great?

[Guest]

Give me the drug away.

[Devin]

Loved him.

[Tom Segura]

He was awesome.

[Devin]

All time favorite. And what's your favorite thing about Killarney? We should put subtitles on to see what the subtitles think he's saying.

[Tom Segura]

Unbelievable. Poor guy. Can you believe that guy's not alive anymore? Jesus Christ.

[Devin]

Didn't see that one coming. What's the point of Guinness like here, Sham? So you recommend Killarney anyway? Best town in Ireland.

[Guest]

Yeah.

[Devin]

And what age are you now, Sham? Do you mind?

[Guest]

71 gone.

[Tom Segura]

71.

[Devin]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

I think that's when this was filmed. So he must have. He'd be probably 80 or something.

[Devin]

It was time to let him in the heaven. They're like, should he get in there? Like, we don't know.

[Tom Segura]

We don't know.

[Devin]

We don't know. Anything he's said in the last 30.

[Tom Segura]

Years, I'm God and I don't know.

[Devin]

Yeah. Can someone tell me what this guy's been saying?

[Tom Segura]

It's incredible. So. Well, long live the Sham, the Killarney guy and rest in peace, sir. We were, we were big, big fans. You've been living in Austin now for how long?

[Devin]

I think two years.

[Tom Segura]

Two years. Have you made some good friends?

[Devin]

I'm not a. I'm not a make friends guy.

[Tom Segura]

Exactly.

[Devin]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Which is why we are gonna pay for it. We want to send you here. I was at a dinner for eight great men last night here in Austin, Texas.

[Devin]

These were entrepreneurs, coaches, creators, and high level performers. My intention of bringing together this group.

[Tom Segura]

Was to create a space where men could connect on a deep level. I requested that no one bring alcohol.

[Devin]

To ensure the conversation were genuine and sincere.

[Tom Segura]

The prompt of the night was, what's the hardest lesson you've had to learn and what's the story behind it? We all took turns sharing our stories with the group, followed by time for follow up or reflection questions. We even got to celebrate a 29th birthday. All in all, the night couldn't have gone better. You truly are the average of the people you spend the most time with. And these men inspire me to be and do better. How'd you like to go to that?

[Devin]

Unfortunately, I'm allergic to dogs.

[Tom Segura]

Oh.

[Devin]

I saw dogs and I would have loved it, but yeah, I'm allergic.

[Tom Segura]

Well, guess what? They're having another one and we can request that the dog not be there.

[Devin]

No, dogs are part of the. You know, you're. You're an average of the people you spend the most time with.

[Tom Segura]

Dogs.

[Devin]

Dogs have to be part of the.

[Tom Segura]

You are allergic to drugs.

[Devin]

Yeah, yeah, half.

[Tom Segura]

Half.

[Devin]

I'm allergic to short hair dogs. Only long hair dogs. No hypoallergenic. Those dogs. I think I would have been.

[Tom Segura]

Seriously?

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, damn. That's too bad.

[Devin]

Yeah, No, I couldn't. Oh my God. This is just. This is.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Devin]

I gotta say, the food, the food got me a little like.

[Tom Segura]

That's nice. Thanks.

[Devin]

And no alcohol. I'm a big. No alcohol guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, you know, yeah.

[Devin]

But I can't. I can't. I don't like to hang with anybody. These guys make me blow my brains out.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

I couldn't, not for one second. They'd be like, what's the hardest? I'd be like, shut the fuck.

[Tom Segura]

I couldn't go to one of these either.

[Devin]

No.

[Tom Segura]

No way.

[Devin]

No way.

[Tom Segura]

They'd be like, what's the longest? What's the hardest lesson you learn? And how'd you overcome it? Like, well, when I came here. And I'm gonna walk out now.

[Devin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Terrible opening up to strangers like that.

[Devin]

And then, like. And then, you know, when they're leaving, they're like, I just made best friends for life. And I'm like, I know.

[Tom Segura]

I don't, like, all exchange information. I got really good at this too, by the way.

[Christina P]

It's.

[Tom Segura]

I've been having so much fun with. This is when people are like, hey, can I get your number? I just give them a random phone number.

[Devin]

You should give them chef's number.

[Tom Segura]

I do it all if I want.

[Devin]

Four, two.

[Tom Segura]

That's a good idea.

[Devin]

Yeah. Memorize chef's number.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I just make up numbers.

[Devin]

Yeah, that's good.

[Tom Segura]

And then they're like, all right, I sent you a text. I'm like, all right, I left it in the car. I'll go check it in a minute.

[Devin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And emails, too. I make up emails. I just completely make up emails, and I give them to people, you know.

[Devin]

You know Joe Gatto, the guy from Impractical Jokers, who. He. He came on our show, really such a nice guy, and we went to dinner, and he's such a nice guy. And he goes, yeah, for, like, I don't know how long. He said, whatever, 10, 15 years. He's. Anytime he. Some. He saw somebody, like, sign up for this, sign up for this, he would sign up using Sal, the other guys, his home address, his phone number, like, everything. And he. And it would, like, Sal would get new numbers, like, try and change things, and it would just be like, his mailbox. Anywhere he'd go would be full in a day. And he never knew what was going on for years and years and years.

[Tom Segura]

I did that to Sickler a few times. I signed him up for a mailing list for comedians I knew he didn't like.

[Devin]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, we would make fun of people. And then he'd be like, yeah, I get this fucking mailing list for this ass. I'm like, how's that happening?

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that was fun. That was a lot of fun. That's great. That's very funny of those guys, too, to do that.

[Devin]

So how do you think these guys. Oh, because they're on social media. So they find, like, we're hosting a guy's. Because I'm like, as a guy who's not on social media, I wouldn't even know how to find, like, a Guy's dinner in Austin.

[Tom Segura]

I have no idea.

[Devin]

You just Google, like, man, man dinner.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I mean, we also. This one was. Where is this here? This was a different. This was for women.

[Devin]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

This is outside of a show.

[Tom Segura]

The man one where he's, like, pushing. He's like, push me. And he pushes them all the way and screams and cries. That one is fantastic. Yeah, but there's these camps that people sign up for that. Yeah. Release your anger. Or. I mean, also, the qualifications to host this, I believe, are none. Right. You just go like, oh, I'm the person. Like, you could host one. You could be like.

[Devin]

It's actually less than none. Because if they were qualified to be hosting other stuff, they would be. You know what I mean? And they're doing this. They're like, you come in. I organize. Yeah. I organize shouts. No, this. This is. Yeah, I don't.

[Tom Segura]

Did you sign up and give your deposit yet?

[Devin]

But it's. Listen, it is one thing to do this. If someone's like, I'm swinging. You gotta get. I gotta get it out. But then, like, there's a camera in their face and they're doing it, which makes it real crazy. I. I don't.

[Tom Segura]

Because you don't want this footage out there.

[Devin]

Did you imagine if you were on a walk in the woods and heard this?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Terrifying.

[Devin]

That's. That would scare the out of me. You just heard 50 women screaming out of nowhere.

[Tom Segura]

It's so horrible. Absolutely horrible. Let's see here. This is also. Oh, you have it. Oh, yes. Dude, is this the one?

[Devin]

This was the trailer for the one.

[Nina]

In Austin that we were looking at.

[Tom Segura]

Let's see there. Okay. Yeah, that's not the actual one I was looking for, but it's. You know, this is the. The one I was looking for is this guy has him push him, like, down a. Like a gravel road, and he just keeps screaming. He's like. As he, like, pushes him down, and then he breaks down crying kind of at the end.

[Devin]

It actually seems really nice if you just took every dude out of there, like. Like, they're showing the fire and the ice bath and nice food, and you're like, this seems really nice. But then you have all these guys, like, crying.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

Look at this. The pause, you know, it's a guy. I think half of the pauses on this video would have been a guy crying or screaming. Why do you. I don't know. What. What's the appeal?

[Tom Segura]

I guess this is a lot of, like, what these guys need, right? A lot of them.

[Devin]

Just like, hug me with my shirt off.

[Tom Segura]

Hug me. You know, I don't get my emotions out. You know, repressed.

[Devin]

But then how do they know they need this? Like, that's the thing. It's like, can't. If you're in touch with that enough to know you need this. I don't know. I think people just want to hang.

[Tom Segura]

Kind of stuck to sign up for something.

[Devin]

Imagine these are just all guys with bad breath, you know, because it's like, they can't. It's like, why do you need to hang with people? So why do you need to find people to hang with so bad? They just all have bad breath.

[Tom Segura]

And now. Well, here's the thing. I don't think any of them are fun. That's the thing. It's like, nobody here's a good time. No, no, it's a bummer camp. So you want to be bummed out? Come share your bummer here.

[Devin]

No. And I'm not a good time either. But I'm not gonna make. I'm not gonna make you hold me while I scream. But I'm not. You know what I mean?

[Tom Segura]

You wouldn't want a. No, no.

[Devin]

It's just the worst.

[Tom Segura]

It's horrible. Yeah, no, I'd want to die.

[Devin]

And then, like. And then like, edit. Like, imagine sitting in a room having to edit this video. Like, putting guys crying to music. Like, just the whole thing.

[Tom Segura]

The worst part is, like, you mentioned earlier, if you did do this, let's say you're like, yeah, I went to this thing, you know, I don't really want. I don't really want it out there. Like, whatever. And then you have, like, the. The real making the rounds. You're like, God damn it.

[Devin]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Everybody knows I'm a pussy.

[Devin]

But, you know, they see this trailer and they're like, that's when you release the inner. The inner child. And, oh, my God, these are also.

[Tom Segura]

Guys that are like, hold my. And then, you know, just not in a gay way, but just. We can admire each other and be like, okay, where's this going?

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

All right, guys, we're going to fat.

[Devin]

Test Harry Potter's Forbidden Journey now here.

[Tom Segura]

At Hogwarts for the green light. Here. Watch your hands real quick, please. So you're not getting the green light.

[Devin]

Unfortunately, that's another no here in the wizarding world of Harry Potter.

[Tom Segura]

And you know what this guy does, right? This is all he does. But it's under the guise of. I'm doing this for other people. Like, awareness. I'm fat testing Things so other fatties can see whether or not they can go. But that's really, first of all, that's not really what you're doing because nobody can watch this and go, I know your exact dimension. So I know whether it applies to me. It's just like you could basically go, I guess you could look at him and go, well, I'm way fatter than him, so I know, I know I can't go. But it doesn't really provide that service and it makes it seem like he's staying fat for you to test rides as opposed to, you know, you could just do this once, go, God damn it, I'm too fat to ride rides now. I'm gonna do something about that, you know.

[Devin]

Yeah, they should have somebody at these parks with like a confetti gun for when like somebody like this does fit, you know, and they just like, they just set off the confetti. It's like you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, guess what? We got one on.

[Devin]

Yeah, you're not too fat today.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Absurd. Just. They're plus sized park hoppers, you know?

[Devin]

Have you ever been seated at a restaurant and found that you couldn't fit comfortably in the seat or booth? Hey, everyone. We're plus size park hoppers and we range in sizes from 2x to 5x. Like this video and follow us for more plus sized Disney content. We're starting at new dining series called if I Fit, I Sit. In this series, we'll go to different restaurants on Disney property and beyond, showing you the types of seating they offer, whether or not we find it comfortable. And we'll also review the food. Yes, sir. What, what are you going to do? You going to sit here, make fun of fat people? Is that what you want me to do? I'll do it.

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Devin]

I'm just. It's disgusting. What are you going to stop it? You know, this is what this is. I mean, people, people on rfk, but this is what RFK is coming to. Switch, baby.

[Tom Segura]

What's he going to do?

[Devin]

No more fatties.

[Tom Segura]

Just eliminate them.

[Devin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Genocide.

[Devin]

No more. Trump is taking out the, the immigrants and he's taking out. RFK's taking out the fatties.

[Tom Segura]

Does he talk about the fatties?

[Devin]

Oh, my God. His, his number one thing is like, we're fat. Like the poison in our food and this. And he, you know, he talks about. And again, I'm sure people will fact check this and be like, you're wrong. You're not saying it right, but he says basically, like A pediatrician, a kid's doctor, whoever used to see one case of diabetes in his whole career and now he sees like three a day.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

And he talks about all this stuff and he's like, it's just, it's all the food. Like, he's like, this isn't happening in Europe. We can't figure out what we're doing wrong.

[Tom Segura]

He's not going to do shit because he's not going to win anything. But.

[Devin]

But he's joining with Trump now.

[Tom Segura]

Well, yeah, I, like, I saw his.

[Devin]

Make America Healthy Again. That's his stance.

[Tom Segura]

For real Trump who's like, I'm 215.

[Devin]

And you're like, yeah, he's eating McDonald's on the plane, calling RFK to come help him out with the food.

[Tom Segura]

Come on. We guys know guys. Wait, you're like, you're not fucking 215, dude.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

RFK was like, I want you. He's like, I support Trump. But then he goes, if you. But if you see my name on a ballot, I want you to vote for me. I'm like, huh? What are you doing?

[Devin]

Because I guess he's, he's cut. He's taking himself off the ballot in like 10 states that are swing states and then staying on in the all blue. What are we doing?

[Tom Segura]

Red state sounds like a very self serving.

[Devin]

Yeah, yeah. It's kids games. Prick me and any don't vote. Right. We don't want to get called for jury duty.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, no, that voting anybody?

[Devin]

Yeah, they'll call me for jury duty. I did that once. It was the worst, worst time ever. I was addicted to Percocet. I'm like, how do I smuggle Percocet into jury duty?

[Tom Segura]

What you do?

[Devin]

I just took a shot, just put it in my pocket. What are you going to do?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

And I just sat there in the back with my head down all day. Like, does anybody have a problem with them? Like I have a problem with every. Everything. Everything. Anything they bring up, you just raise your hand. Yeah. Do you have a history of this? Yeah, my grandfather just every, anything they. So that they wouldn't put me on the thing.

[Tom Segura]

And you got out of it.

[Devin]

Yeah. After a while, I think, I think I had to come back like the second day and I was just like, head down, man.

[Tom Segura]

I. I went one time to the pool, right? Like, the pool, the pool of potential jers.

[Devin]

Right, right. That's where I was.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And then this was in la and I was like. And I was right behind Adam McKay. That's what I remember Adam McKay was literally. We entered the together. Like, he was in front of me, and we're sitting there, and then I get through all the questions, and I'm like, yeah, yeah, no, I'm. I'm racist. Like, I tried. And then they were like, that's not going to work. And I was like, oh.

[Devin]

And then, like, everyone here is.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Like, don't. And they. They led with it. They're like, don't try to be racist. We don't care. And we were like. And then they were. They're like, all right, you don't have it today. And I was like, what does that mean? They're like, we got a call tomorrow, and tomorrow, if we need you, you got to come in. So, like, every morning, you'd have to call at a certain time. And anyways, I didn't have to serve. And then Sickler ended up actually getting on the jury for, like, a major violent drug case. Like cartel gang.

[Devin]

Gang.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, like. Like, like murder, drug trafficking case.

[Devin]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, so he had. He had, like, a real serious case. But, yeah, I got. I got lucky. I didn't have to do it.

[Devin]

The first time I ever got it, I called my manager. I was like, you got to give me a job. I was like, I can't. I can't do this. Because I was, like, really addicted to, like, I just. I couldn't even go, like, 24 hours. And I was like, I can't be in this room. And then the second time I got it, I was like, I. I was like, I can't work again. I just need you to get me in.

[Tom Segura]

I did get a summons later, and I just put it in the trash.

[Devin]

We probably all have warrants out for our arrest.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I think so.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Well, yeah, because when you live in those la, you know, apartment complexes that they have the mailboxes, you look in the trash, there's a lot of summons in there.

[Devin]

Yeah. Everybody's just like, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Everyone's like, this is a big city. Throw in the trash.

[Devin]

Yeah. It's either red light cameras or jury duty or.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. Check this out. Look at Nadav here.

[Christina P]

Oh, you like alcohol and blue pictures?

[Devin]

Let me get the cars.

[Christina P]

Let me get the cars.

[Tom Segura]

Can I get.

[Devin]

Let me get the cars. I get a cigarette.

[Tom Segura]

Go get it.

[Devin]

You got to give me the car. Go get it.

[Nina]

You got to give me the car. I'm going get it.

[Devin]

Go get. I'm going get it. Without the car.

[Tom Segura]

How he is wrecked.

[Devin]

You going to pay for it. Your boy's trash.

[Tom Segura]

Trash.

[Devin]

You think that's just alcohol? No.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Devin]

I think that's something else.

[Tom Segura]

Because he's savvy enough, though. They're like, give me. Give me your card to buy the stuff you want. He's like, go get it.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He knows not to hand it over.

[Devin]

Because with alcohol, when he hits a wall, you think he would stop for him, but he, like, bounces off and keeps going.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Trying to keep his balance.

[Devin]

Might be a little something extra.

[Tom Segura]

You think so?

[Devin]

Yeah. Is that. That's New York. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Devin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Was your. What was your favorite thing? Was it Perks? Was that your favorite?

[Devin]

I mean, there's a lot of favorites, but, yeah, Perks was probably. Perks was probably. I mean, I loved Molly. I just loved.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Devin]

I loved Molly so much. It was just so, so good. But, yeah, Perks were just the best because it was such, like, an isolation. Like, I would take Perks, smoke weed, and then take. So, like, I would take Xanax or pr. And again, no one do this. Whatever comes to keep me safe. Yeah, I would take Perks, Xanax and switch it, like, ever. I had an alarm on my phone that would go off, and it was like, oh, now you can take. Because I didn't want to take it within, like, the same hour. And then, like. And then I also had a phone number in my phone for that said cigarette. And when I would smoke a cigarette, I would call that number so that I wouldn't chain smoke cigarettes. I make you have to wait at least this many minutes before you could smoke.

[Tom Segura]

So you're still on top of your health even when you were doing this stuff.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's cool.

[Devin]

Because otherwise I would just chain smoke cigarettes all day. And I was like, no, we have to put some sort of.

[Tom Segura]

You'd call a number.

[Devin]

So, like, I had, like, a fake number in my phone. Cigarettes. And then when I would light a cigarette, I'd call that number. So then when I'd go to light a cigarette again, I would look and be like, oh, it's only been six minutes since I had a cigarette. Like, you need to wait at least 20 minutes. And then Perkins and Zanny, I would wait an hour in between each thing.

[Tom Segura]

How long were you in your worst phase of addiction?

[Devin]

It depends, because there was, like, the different phases. So some people. Some people would probably say, like, my, like, cocaine partying. Like, that thing was so bad because I would stay up for days and this. But then, like, the. The Xana, Xanax, Percocet. Thing was really bad because I was so isolated. I would just be. I would say, two weeks straight in my apartment, like. And then my friends would call me, like, yo, where have you been? I was like, I saw you guys, like, three days ago, and they're like, it's been two weeks.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Devin]

And I'm like, oh, yeah, okay. Like, I'll come and, like. And then I would just go out and party, and I'd wake up feeling like. And I'd start taking Percocets and Xanax, and that would last another, however. But again, like, from, you know, 14 to whatever it was 24, 25, it was just drinking, going out. That was, like, the thing. That's a lot. Yeah. And then after, like, 25, I was more leaning into, like. I was always doing the perks and whatever, but I really started leaning into just, like, staying home, sitting on the couch, taking pills, and just, like, staring at the wall or, like, playing poker online or doing whatever.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Devin]

It's cool.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's cool.

[Devin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And did you get yourself cleaned up or.

[Devin]

So I saw, like, a specialist in New York to get off of the Xanax. Because you could die from Xanax withdrawals.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

So I didn't want to die. And, like, I had in my head of, like, oh, I could die if I stopped taking this or whatever, but everything else, I pretty much did on my own. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's impressive, man.

[Devin]

But it was just like. My doctor was basically like, you're not gonna make it, like, healthy much longer if you don't, like. He's like, it's insane that you're okay. And he's like, you're not gonna make it much longer if you don't stop soon. And that's when I was 20. I was 28, and I was like, all right.

[Tom Segura]

Jesus, man.

[Devin]

Yeah, I should probably stop.

[Tom Segura]

But now you're cleaning sober, how long?

[Devin]

11 years.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Devin]

Yeah. Of a lot. But again, it's weird because, like, you know, I stopped drinking 11 years ago and stopped doing, you know, like, party drugs. But then it took me a while to get off of the Xanax and a little while to get off a Percocet. So, like, it's like 11 years for most stuff, and then, you know, whatever it is. Nine for Xanax, and I don't know. Yeah, I don't really. I'm just, like. In my head, I'm just like. I don't need to count. I'm Sober? Yeah, you know, of course. Done.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Xanax, man. People don't know how addict. Addictive and even what they. I know people, they're like, I've never tried one. I'm like, it's just, like, turns off. I feel like, you know, like, this worrying. You're just like, oh, yeah.

[Devin]

We were so. Back when I had Xanax in my pocket all the time. We were online for a roller coaster at Six Flags, and my. And we had just gotten there. My. We were like all Ant. And my one friend was like. He's like, man, I haven't done roller coasters while I'm starting to feel a little like, whatever. And he's like, let me get a Xan. And I may or may not have given him a Xanax. Maybe I didn't. But, like, he was like, you know, he. He took the Xan. By the time we got to the front of line, he was like, we're sitting in the front. Yeah, that's what Xanax do. They just shut off. But again, no one should do Xanax to describe. So I would rather wake up tomorrow addicted to everything I was ever addicted to 10 times than Xanax one time.

[Tom Segura]

Really? Yeah, because that's the hardest one to break.

[Devin]

Yeah. Because it's so mental. Like, you know when. When you're coming off of Percocets, you're sick, and you're like, oh, I've been sick. But, like, sometimes you just get sick and you're like, I know I can get through this. Where the Xanax, it's mental and it's so fucking bad. And you feel like. I've described this before, but, like, when. So imagine, like, your biggest fear was, like, heights. Imagine you were. They opened up, like, the door of, like, a plane to jump out, and they're like, are you ready? Like, you feel like that. That's what you feel like all the time. And then you take a little piece of Xanax, it just goes away.

[Tom Segura]

It goes away.

[Devin]

It's insane.

[Tom Segura]

And. And so you do wean off of it. Is that the way to do it? Yeah, you have to slowly reduce.

[Devin]

Yeah. And it just gets. It really got scary for me when, for some reason, like, I couldn't kick the one, like, before bed because I was like, I'm gonna die in my sleep. That was my fear, you know, Even though, like, at that time.

[Tom Segura]

That was the last one you cut.

[Devin]

That was the last one. Yeah, because, you know, they run you through, like, a thing of, like. Because they're like, when do you take Xanax? And you're like, well, sometimes I just take it whenever I feel. And they're like, no, you need to get on a schedule of this and regulate and all this. And, yeah, it's. It's. It's not. Xanax is by far the worst. Like, I would rather be addicted to everything else I had heard.

[Tom Segura]

I forget who said it. It was somebody, like, in. In medicine was saying that it has, like, the same addictive properties as, like, cocaine. Like, people who are addicted to cocaine. Cocaine. That's the same kind of level of addiction that exists with Xanax, right?

[Devin]

Really?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that. Very, very addictive.

[Devin]

See, I think it's, like. It's weird because, like, with the Percocets and the cocaine and stuff, you're. There's this high with it where, like, the Xanax, I wasn't even taking it for a high.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

Like, I was taking it to not feel like I was standing at the edge of a building all the time. Yeah. So it was like, I'm not even enjoying. Like, this isn't fun.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Devin]

You know? And you're just like, I need that. I got. Fucking Xanax is the worst, man. And, like, kicking it. I remember just like, it was the greatest day ever, where you're like, oh, my God. And then, like, a while after, I was like, oh, I'll only let myself take it when I fly, because I hated flying so much, and then I took it to fly, and it made me feel like shit for days after. So I was like, all right, I'm just done. Like, I've never taken one again. I don't know, seven, eight, nine years, whatever. It's been probably, like, nine years.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, congrats, dude. That is.

[Devin]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's impressive. Yeah. Yeah.

[Devin]

Because people try and, like, say, like, you know, you should be proud. This. I'm like, I did it to myself. I'm a fucking idiot. Like, I got myself so deep, so.

[Tom Segura]

Many people can't kick it, though, so.

[Devin]

Totally. Yeah. And I. You know, a lot of my friends passed away from, like, drug addiction and stuff, and I think, like, you know, a lot of people are like, you think it's because of Sopranos that you were addicted to drugs and this. I'm like, I think Sopranos is the thing that helped me, like, come out the other side, because I was like, you know, I had a lot of friends who were. You grew up in the building. I grew up, and they still lived with their mom and this. And they were like, well, let's say I. I try everything and I finally kick these drugs. I'm still a guy who's living with his mom and I'm 28 and this where for me it was like, I have this great life. I can live and do things and there's doors open for me place. So it's like, if I could just stop this, like, things can be good, you know, not that, you know, things couldn't be good for other people, but it was just. It was something that really a lot of people just try and be like, oh, you had child actor and you were hope. Yeah. And I, you know, but now I just sit on my couch and gamble. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So it's not that different than what you were doing at all. Yeah, one could argue that. Maybe bring the drugs back.

[Devin]

Yeah, my dad argues that all the time.

[Tom Segura]

Does he?

[Devin]

Yeah. Whenever we're out, we went to like a UT game and he's like, you sure you don't want to drink? Every time we pass this? Really? Oh, yeah. Any. These guys have met my dad? Any. Any loves my dad? Yeah, my dad is my dad's guy. And every time we pass like a beer thing, he's like, come on, like, you're not going to have one with me. And I was like, no, it's been 11 years.

[Tom Segura]

But he doesn't respect your sobriety.

[Devin]

In his head, I'm sure he does.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

Yeah. But no, he doesn't respect any.

[Tom Segura]

I gotta meet your dad. Who I know I look like.

[Devin]

Yeah, you do look like my dad. Yeah, well, he's. He's gained some weight recently, so you look less like him now, but great.

[Tom Segura]

You look.

[Devin]

Yeah, he's. He's, you know, I would love to meet him, but when I wake up early, like I had to today, it makes me more sympathetic to why he's such an angry guy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

You know, because he's waking up at 4:30am every day for like his whole life to go to work, you know?

[Tom Segura]

Jesus Christ.

[Devin]

Yeah, I can't. And I'm like, okay, I get, I get, I get why you're angry, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God. Well, here we. Let's. We got an email I want to read you. It says, hi, Jean, long time Mommy here. Been with the pod since episode 85, listening to YMH 772 and had to write in regarding the hooker with the colosmi bag because I used to know one. I grew up in D.C. in the 90s, which was a very high, low experience in my early teens. I used to sneak out almost every night to graffiti stuff, and doing so led to various meets with a real cast of characters on the streets. One of these local celebrities was a hooker with a colosmi bag who we effectually referred to as the Colostitude. I forget her real name, but she was very sweet and really funny. I don't know if the bag was a real money maker, but a lot of people gave her tips just to keep going. Now, part of that high low factor was that I got a good education. Senior year of high school, I beat out all the smart kids to win an extremely coveted fellowship. The Folger Shakespeare Library. Very posh. One night on a field trip to see a private showing of King Lear in the Shakespeare theater. The whole class is outside on our jackets and in our jackets and ties, waiting for our parents to pick us up. And who's on the corner in a green bikini, bag of ship flopping around? The Colossitude. She clocks me and starts waving, hey, sugar, I ain't seen you in a minute. I sheepishly waved back and said, miss you boo. Or something to that effect. Stunned silence and jaws on the floor from my classmates until everyone got picked up. Nobody ever brought it up the rest of the year. Love you guys. See you on the hunters. Block Pain sponge. Pretty good story. Yeah. I mean, hoes with colosspy bags, they need to work, too, you know?

[Devin]

Where's the Colby bag kept? Like, on the side?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

Like a gun holster.

[Tom Segura]

There's a hole where you're. You know, where they kind of cut your intestines. And that bag goes there. So when you. You fill up the bag that's sitting on the side of you. Yeah.

[Devin]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

If I could have one superpower, it might be to never have to again.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You and any. Both.

[Devin]

Yeah. I just. I just hate it so much. I'm more. I hate the wiping, but if you're gonna take out the wiping, you might as well just take out the altogether.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Terrible. It does suck.

[Devin]

I hate it so. Because I can't do it in public, so I have to, like, get it done before.

[Tom Segura]

Are you on a schedule, like.

[Devin]

Yeah, every morning. Every morning. But. But I also don't drink coffee, so it's like, if I have to, like, for something like this, I. I didn't. It.

[Tom Segura]

So you just, you know, you got to go back to your place.

[Devin]

Oh, 100.

[Tom Segura]

So if somebody. Something I don't know that you really wanted to do was happening next here, you'd still be like, I still have to go Back to my place.

[Devin]

Well, that's what's great about me. There's never anything I really want to.

[Tom Segura]

Do that is great about you.

[Devin]

Yeah. Yeah. So you could. You know, unless somebody's like, you want to go gamble in the middle of. I mean, like, what is somebody gonna say? Yeah, there's really nothing that could keep me from going home, you know, as far as, like, tantalizing. Like, I'm just like, no, I'll go home.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

All the time. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Did you follow Fartgate?

[Devin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Did you know what a psychopath any was?

[Devin]

Yeah, yeah, I'm. I'm fully aware. I know Annie's crazy, but so I. We had to go to New York for the 25th anniversary of Sopranos, and I'm in where we're. I think we're at the Beacon Theater, and it's, like, full of people, and you're walking around, and some guy stops me, and he's like, bro. He's like, I love the podcast. He's like, you got to talk to anymore? He was like, that is one. One interesting cat. That's exactly what he said to me. But when he said interesting cat, he gave me, like, the crazy eyes of, like, that is one interesting cat. And I was like, okay. And this is before Fargate.

[Tom Segura]

Well, listen, I've been working with him for a number of years, and I'm not here every day, but when you talk to anybody else on the staff, they go, real interesting cat. That any guy.

[Devin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, he's got some interesting thoughts. Thoughts and opinions on things. Yeah.

[Devin]

Huh. And then sometimes you say, hey, you had that interesting thought and opinion. He goes, no, I didn't.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you go, oh, yeah, yeah.

[Devin]

Okay. Well, I thought you. Well, you said you did, and you said that. And he's like, no, I didn't. Like.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, yeah, he's. Full name me one time I said that.

[Devin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Exactly. Exactly. Crazy person.

[Devin]

Yeah. Yeah. That's our boy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

But I love him.

[Tom Segura]

He's great. He's a great guy.

[Devin]

Yeah. And he's great. It.

[Tom Segura]

How do black people misbehave?

[Guest]

They do crime. They beat up everybody. Do traffic violation. They are lazy. Just collecting money from the government. Don't take care of their children. They have good singing.

[Tom Segura]

Well.

[Guest]

And playing sport.

[Tom Segura]

Well, what makes them lazy?

[Guest]

In Africa, you don't have to do much.

[Tom Segura]

This is not lazy. And I'm lazy. Right, okay. So this is lazy skin.

[Guest]

Yes.

[Devin]

You know I'm a white woman.

[Guest]

No, you're not white. You have the Lips of black people. Everything black.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, what's black about me?

[Devin]

What's the.

[Tom Segura]

My lips are black. How about my eyes and my forehead?

[Devin]

And this? I have a white.

[Tom Segura]

I have white woman hair. Look.

[Guest]

My head is such hair. It's difficult to get control of it. She many times wear a wig.

[Tom Segura]

Do you like when black people wear wigs?

[Guest]

They have no choice. I'm all the time with black people I have at home. I have my age.

[Tom Segura]

And she's lazy.

[Guest]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Have you told her that she's black and lazy?

[Guest]

Why I should tell her? She know.

[Tom Segura]

Is my ass like a black woman?

[Guest]

Yes. So you use the word using on me. They calling me n. When I'm calling them back, they get upset.

[Tom Segura]

Do they look like criminals to you?

[Guest]

Another three times.

[Devin]

He's racist.

[Guest]

She. She label me.

[Tom Segura]

My dad's white. Okay, so he's half white. What do you think about that?

[Guest]

Still it look blank. The air color. You need a couple more generation to take out blackness.

[Tom Segura]

To take it out, Right.

[Guest]

If you want, you need Jesus, my guy. Jesus was Jewish.

[Tom Segura]

Jesus was Jewish.

[Devin]

You learned so much.

[Tom Segura]

So cool.

[Devin]

You know what my favorite part was? When she said, look at my ass. He hit reverse real quick on the chair. He just reversed in his chair a little bit.

[Tom Segura]

He's like, all right. Yeah, he's Israeli. That's an Israeli accent. Yeah, but very straightforward. Didn't hold back much.

[Devin]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Pretty interesting that he feels like sharing that in public. Not everybody would.

[Devin]

It's a crackhead. Barney and Friends. Up top.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. What did it say on his shirt? Did you see what it said? How do black people misbehave? Oh, it's a college. College of Performing Art. Yeah.

[Devin]

It'd be funny if this was a movie.

[Tom Segura]

Bank hat. Like a sweat. A free bank hat.

[Devin]

If this was a show that you wrote, he would be driving home. Then all of a sudden the battery runs out. Then all these black people just start coming.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, this guy, man, he. He only is like, nobody 20 years younger than him would be would do this interview this way. Only an old guy who's like a paraplegic is like, it.

[Devin]

Yeah. And then. And then the guys next to him are like, yeah, no, he can do that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. They're like, he's in a chair.

[Devin]

Yeah, yeah, he's in a chair.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, man. And finally.

[Devin]

It.

[Tom Segura]

It's a pretty cool arrangement.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I don't know why both of them. More people aren't doing this. All. All he. This guy had to do was walk up, up Hand this guy his shoe. He smells and licks it and he just keeps giving him cash. And then he's like, you want the other shoe? Give me another 20.

[Devin]

He's like, I got you, dude.

[Tom Segura]

I got you, bro.

[Devin]

And that's the thing. Like sometimes on this show when you guys talk about stuff, you'll be like, there's no way that I remember. Like there was a what? Like I think any started it where like being. Being bi is Cap.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

You know, it's like, oh, you don't think there's guys who like to men and women, but this guy we know is out there.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

Like there's guys who want to lick your shoe before you get on the bus.

[Tom Segura]

On the bus.

[Devin]

Get the.

[Tom Segura]

You walk outdoors in the city with.

[Devin]

There is everything out there now.

[Tom Segura]

Would you not do this? Do which one? Would you let the guy lick your shoes for 40? Oh, would I let him lick my shoes? Yeah. It depends how nasty he looks. This guy right here.

[Devin]

It depends how the guy looks.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I ain't trying to dirty up my shoe. You know what I'm saying? Oh, yeah, yeah. It for what? How much though? He said 40. Yeah, yeah.

[Devin]

You would need more shoe.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, no, it's gotta be more though.

[Devin]

How much?

[Tom Segura]

I like 100. Okay, I'll do like 100. Niana, you would do this, you said? Yeah.

[Devin]

Oh, what would be awesome is you get him here to lick any shoes.

[Tom Segura]

Done, bro. 100. 100 a pop? Yeah, 100 each. Josh, would you. I mean, well first. Hold on. I mean the first one's 100 and then we'll talk about the next one. Oh, so if he's like, damn, that was a good shoe. You're like, that's what I thought. Let's give you a little taste. That's right. Yeah. He's like, oh, let me get the other one. I'm like, yeah. How much you got in your pocket, baby? Yeah, what you got in there? How deep those go? Cougar, would you. Absolutely. Yeah.

[Devin]

How much. How much would somebody have to pay you really, to go on. On that man's retreat?

[Tom Segura]

On the man's retreat?

[Devin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If somebody's like, oh, it's a three day retreat, like, you have to stay for the. You have to participate like fully in everything. How much would you charge?

[Tom Segura]

What for to send me there to go?

[Devin]

Yeah. Three days. You know when you're like, let's say your agent called you and you know how he's like, hey, you want to do the fucking Tomahawk Casino? In Poughkeepsie. Whatever. The. If he's like, hey, I got a man's retreat. They. They need you there. No, how much, but how, really? Like, if. If there's a.

[Tom Segura]

An upsetting amount of money.

[Devin]

Right. Well, I know you don't want to upset people listening to this pod. I want to know. I want to know the number. How much you'd really charge for the weekend.

[Tom Segura]

It's just that it's. Yeah, it's a week. It's like, it's one thing to go to something for a few hours or something. Something. But, like, you're talking about giving somebody.

[Devin]

Three days if they offered you $200,000. No. Wow. That's amazing.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. No, sorry.

[Devin]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

800,000. Probably not.

[Devin]

He wants to hear the Millie. He's going for the Millie? Yeah. Wow, that's. That's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, also, it's. I. It's. I have a free weekend now.

[Devin]

Like, 800 now. You got it. You got to do it for 800 thou.

[Tom Segura]

Three days.

[Devin]

Yeah. Well, you get there Friday and you guys are hugging and, you know, you're really into it.

[Tom Segura]

You know, Can I leave? Can I be like, all right, that's it now, you guys, I'll see you. I'll come back on Sunday to see how it went for you.

[Devin]

No, they're like, you'll hear the gong at 5am when you have to come down for. We're doing underwear meditation class. And then 1.6. 1.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

1.6. Well, guys, you heard it here. If you. If you guys are looking for Tom to come to your retreat, your man's retreat.

[Tom Segura]

And by the way, I won't be fun, and I'm not going to participate.

[Devin]

But that's. See, I think that's part of it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

I think you have to. I think you. You have to cry and scream.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, 2.5.

[Devin]

Tell them how much you hate your wife.

[Tom Segura]

All the details. You have to raise the fucking budget now.

[Devin]

You're right.

[Tom Segura]

2.5.

[Devin]

2.5, man. Now you're. Now you are upsetting. You're upsetting me as a listener.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, good. I hope so. And I hope nobody fucking reaches out about this.

[Devin]

2.5 is just. 2.5 is too much.

[Tom Segura]

It's too much. I know. That's what I want it to be, an absurd amount that everybody goes. What's fucking stupid? Exactly. And I don't want to go.

[Devin]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So just to be clear, we didn't. We didn't cover this in the beginning. Have you ever gambled on sports?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

Oh, recently?

[Tom Segura]

Not. Well, let's see. Last season a little bit. I did a sports book in. In Vegas, and I did a one of the DraftKings thing.

[Devin]

But I remember telling you that you should gamble on sports, and you're like, I don't really got you started. How'd you like it? It?

[Tom Segura]

I. I liked it a little bit. The problem is that, like, a lot. This is the honest truth. I work so many times. Thursday, Friday, Saturday. And even with my love of football, I will forget because we're traveling so much. Right. I will lose track of, like, games I want to see. It'll be like Sunday, Monday. And I'm like, oh, Jesus Christ. Like, I forget about the weekend.

[Devin]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know, I mean, things that happen when you're home, you. You kind of go like, oh, it's coming up. I'm gonna watch the games. But when you're on the road with it, you lose track of time and days so easily.

[Devin]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

That I. I miss them a lot. There's games that I was like, that was the game I wanted to watch this week. I forget that it was on.

[Devin]

You're a big Florida State guy, right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's rough.

[Devin]

Have you ever bet? Have you ever bet on them?

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Devin]

Yes. How do you like that?

[Tom Segura]

One time I did the biggest thing ever. Ever.

[Devin]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

They were playing. This is years ago. Somebody could probably look this up. They were playing Carolina, okay. Chapel Hill. And the spread was like, 31. And my friend's dad was the coach of Carolina, and I'm with him, and I go, I'm gonna take the Noles. He's like, you're a cunt. You know, And I bet on it. They had covered the spread, and in the literal final three seconds of the game, Carolina kicked a field goal to.

[Devin]

He got back door.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah. And I was like, but that also made me go make, man. How do they nail these spreads? So. And also a spread like that is absurd. Like, 33 points. Like, yeah. How are you. How do you get it down to that? And where that field goal made it, you know, a 32. I was like, this is insane. That's scary. But it was exciting because I was like, I'm gonna win this money. I got really excited.

[Devin]

But see that the reason I love, like, people are like, oh, you love to gamble. I'm like, yeah, you can look at it that way. But the truth is, like, I don't. I don't want to play roulette. I don't want to play blackjack. I don't want to play these things. Like, I don't. It's like with the sports betting, it's like how when you watch these, like, don't fuck with Cats, where, like, they try and put all these pieces together of this, like, murder. It's like a. When you're watching, like, these murder things and you're like, I think I know who did it. Like, that's how I feel when I'm, like, studying, like, sports betting, and you're like, wait, hold on. Like, I think. I think I got something here. And then you, like, put your money where your mouth is and you watch it and then it happens, and you're.

[Tom Segura]

Like, oh, my God, how do these motherfuckers who set these spreads do this? I don't understand how they get it. How do they nail it so perfectly?

[Devin]

Well, they do, and they're very good at it. But also, there's a ton of games where sometimes you're like, it was off by 20. You just don't remember that stuff. But they. They give every team, like, a power ranking or a power rating, and then they just, you know, they. Your power ranking to get this guy. And they go, okay, you're. You should win by seven. Like, you're seven. And then, like, let's say a player gets hurt and he's worth a point. They're like, okay, now it's six. And like, a quarterback is worth, like, six points or whatever, but then a backup could be worth two or three. And it's like this whole boring thing. But it's the mo. When you, like when you think you see something, like, it's like in the matrix of, like, a sports bet. And then you make it and then it happens. It's just the best. I'm sure it's just the best rush.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, and also you start to. You go, like, I don't know. That guy's knee is sore. I don't think he's going to have the. You know, like, you get those injury reports and all that, and you start to factor in when a star is not going to perform as well as you think, or you think that somebody's having a breakout. You're like, I think this kid's going to have a big game and that guy does.

[Devin]

Yeah. Or there's like hundreds of thousands of people who just hate Patrick Mahomes because they've lost so much money betting against him.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

That's just so funny to me. Like, you know, there's people who. Jamie's husband hates Mahomes just because of that every time he walks in the field, he's like this because you just. You bet against him, you lose.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Devin]

Yeah. It's so funny, too. There's so many people who hate him just for no. Yeah, for no reason. Except they just lost money.

[Tom Segura]

Lost money. That's amazing. Well, don't forget to check out not today, pal. Every Thursday on the YMH YouTube channel. You can also listen to it wherever you get podcasts. Thank you for getting up today and thank you for coming in and being here.

[Devin]

Thank you for having me.

[Tom Segura]

We love you all the time.

[Devin]

Thank you for having me. All the time. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Bye, guys.

[Caller]

One thing I'm going to say right now is that these press comments need a stall immediately. I am tired. I see my comments being blown up every day like this color of a dress. So I suggest you not get all about me wearing dresses and have them in my wardrobe because I don't know I have any plans to buy more because I only have one dress I keep locked up because it's my wife's wedding dress. That is enough is enough. Because my whole entire wardrobe involves work shirts, work pants and military issues. Military issues go to a boot. Military issues go to a boot. Work shirts, work pants. Military issues go to a boot. Work shirts, work pants. Military issues go to a boot. Work shirts, work pants. Military issues go to a boot. Work shirts, work work pants. Military issues go to a boot. Work shirts, work pants. Military issues go to a booth. Work shirts, work pants, Military issues go to a booth. Work shirts, work pants. Military issues go to a booth. Work shirts, work pants. Military issues go to a booth. Work shirts, work pants. Military district workshop Military districts Go to a booth. Military issues go to a boot.