Joe DeRosa Is Vile & Horrendous | Your Mom's House Ep. 842

Summary

Your Mom’s House Ep. 842: “Joe DeRosa Is Vile & Horrendous”

Hosts: Christina Pazsitzky (Christine), Tom Segura (off this week)
Guest: Joe DeRosa
Date: January 14, 2026
Podcast Studio: YMH Studios

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Episode Overview

This episode of Your Mom’s House is a wild, irreverent ride co-hosted by Christina P. and guest comedian Joe DeRosa, sitting in for Tom Segura. The main theme? Life’s annoyances, collective dysfunction, and the joys of being "vile & horrendous." Joe is here to debut (and promote) his new YMH podcast, but also to riff on nostalgia, sobriety, parenting, collectibles, pop culture, fast food, and the endless absurdities of everyday existence. As always, the tone is raunchy, confessional, and loaded with offbeat humor that’s both self-deprecating and judgmental.

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Key Discussion Points & Memorable Moments

Introducing Joe, Names, and 80s TV Crushes

[01:09-04:14]

• Christina welcomes Joe. They joke about constantly being misnamed (“Christina/Christine,” “Tim/Tom” jokes).
• Dive into 80s/90s TV nostalgia, notably Facts of Life, and which of the characters was the hottest.
  • Joe is all in on Jo: “I like a chick with a little dirt on her.” (02:32, Joe DeRosa)
  • Christina admits she had Jo’s haircut in third grade.
  • Tootie’s glow-up gets props, and Christina reveals she attended her mom’s acting school.
• Early running joke: Joe’s total lack of podcast listening (“I don’t listen to any podcasts.” - 04:33, Joe DeRosa).

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Collecting: From Video Games to Records to Judgement

[05:06-09:11]

• Joe describes his passion for collecting vintage video games, records, and horror movies.
  • He name-drops YouTubers: Metal Jesus Rocks, Pat Contre, and Dead Pit Radio.
  • Collectible economics: “Some of the most valuable video games are terrible games. Nobody bought them…now they’re rare and valuable.” (07:13, Joe)
  • Christina silently (not so silently) judges: “This guy’s a fucking loser dork shithead.”
  • They realize: collecting is “super gay,” but they both do it (‘I’m convinced what I like is cool, and what everyone else likes is not’ - 08:45, Christina).

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The Pot Debate: Culture, Annoyance, and Double Standards

[09:20-13:00]

• Both agree: They hate weed, but not weed smokers.
  • “I loved weed back then. Weed was called schwag…not that potent. Now it’s too potent, it’s like dirt.” (10:00, Joe)
  • Joe’s main beef: the normalization of weed, and treating it differently from alcohol.
    • “If I was about to drive you somewhere and I go, hold on, let me take a quick shot…” (11:26, Joe)
• Christina drinks daily post-5pm to cope with kids' endless talking (“all they do is talk...7 and 10 is just listening to motherfuckers talk” - 13:08, Christina).
• Parenting digression: tuning out with alcohol is acceptable, kids’ obsessions (Minecraft, Roblox), and how meditation is essential for her sanity.

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Meditation and Mantras

[14:32-15:40]

• Christina meditates for two hours after sending the kids to school (“I talk to the aliens...I get real weird, man” - 14:42, Christina).
• Both discuss mantras—Joe invents his own acronym as a mantra.
  • “I don’t need some fucking guy to give me a fake word.” (15:17, Joe)

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Retro Vibes and Listener Submissions

[16:07-24:06]

• Music discussion sparked by listener’s police-academy-style saxophone intro. Joe used to play sax (“I played saxophone for 5 years—hated every second, switched to drums” - 25:05, Joe).
• Christine and Joe debate what kind of chips are most soothing, relating it to odd podcast sound bites.

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Drugs, Mental Illness, and American Malaise

[27:47-39:04]

• Christina shows Joe a wild church-prank video: is the star mentally ill, or just on drugs?
• Joe’s take: pandemic fallout, collective PTSD, unaffordable healthcare, drugs gone bad (fentanyl, “mushroom soda,” ketamine), America’s undiagnosed existential crisis.
  • “People can barely self-medicate. The only readily available drugs are weed that will send you into a psychotic spin after one hit.” (29:44, Joe)
• “It was our own Iraq War. There was no exit strategy.” (31:22, Joe, on Covid).

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The Vile and Horrendous Podcast—A New YMH Show

[39:04-42:45]

• Joe gives an in-depth preview for his upcoming podcast:
  • 4-segment structure focusing on everything disgusting, vile, and worthy of complaint.
  • Segments: 1) rant about recent personal annoyance, 2) unpopular opinion on entertainment, 3) off-the-cuff reactions to news headlines, 4) listener submissions about disgusting people/behaviors.
  • “The whole gist of the entire show is: everything is disgusting. Society is over, we’re done. It’s the end.” (41:50, Joe)
  • No guests, just Joe.
• Christina: “At times you are the vile and the horrendous.” (42:47, Christine)

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Confessions of Bad Behavior

[43:16-49:15]

• Both share stories feeling guilty for being dicks in stressful moments (Joe at the airport, Christina in the ER).
  • “I felt really bad...so I went back to the lady and…I was like, hey, I’m sorry. She almost started crying.” (44:11, Joe)
  • “We’re all acting like pigs, because everybody’s acting like pigs.” (44:43, Joe)
  • Christina calls a nurse a lesbian behind her back and feels immediate shame.

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The Grinding Life of Touring Comics

[51:03-52:58]

• Christina: staying off the road after cancer, focusing on home life and occasional select gigs.
• Joe: “I’m two months away from homelessness at all times, and I do that [selective gigs].” (52:17, Joe)

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Internet and Pop Culture Oddities

[53:09–65:07]

• Curated TikTok/YouTube finds:
  • “Neff and Unk” uncle-nephew duos with tight, hilarious chemistry.
  • Food influencers (“I watch a lot of chefs…then I watch people that just eat shit in a weird way.” - 56:21, Joe)
  • Bizarre sausage-eating TikToks (“then he sticks it up his ass” - 57:20, Joe).
  • A woman who performs hair hangs (acrobatics/hair suspension), which disgusts and fascinates.
  • Tourette’s tics: swearing and shouting “Hitler” (62:06); discussion of how the mind obsesses over forbidden words.

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Culture, Capitalism & Fast Food Aesthetics

[65:07–70:39]

• Home Alone house is for sale—discussion on WASPy John Hughes movies versus real-life struggles.
  • “Of course you forgot your kid. You’re a bunch of rich people with your heads up your ass.” (67:05, Joe)
• How modern aesthetics are draining color and joy from everything: “Everything is beige, black, gray, dystopian.” (68:36, Christine)
• Laments the soulless redesign of McDonald's, Taco Bell, Pizza Hut (“It’s the saddest thing ever. It looks like a coffee house.” - 67:59, Joe).

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Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• On collecting:

  • “Some of the most valuable video games are terrible games. Nobody bought them…now they’re rare and valuable.” — Joe DeRosa, 07:13

• On pot culture:

  • “It bothers me that people think it’s so different from alcohol. If I was about to drive you somewhere and I go, ‘hold on, let me take a quick shot…’” — Joe DeRosa, 11:26

• On pandemic and collective trauma:

  • “The entire country is suffering from PTSD and a collective existential crisis, and nobody’s recognizing it.” — Joe DeRosa, 28:42

• On starting ‘Vile & Horrendous’:

  • “The whole extent of everything is...everything is disgusting. Society is over, we’re done. It’s the end.” — Joe DeRosa, 41:50

• On guilt and bad behavior:

  • “We’re all acting like pigs because everybody’s acting like pigs and we’re all reacting to the other pigs.” — Joe DeRosa, 44:43

• On John Hughes movies:

  • “Of course you forgot your kid. You’re a bunch of rich people with your heads up your ass.” — Joe DeRosa, 67:05

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Recurring Themes & Running Gags

• Self-loathing and judgment: They both mock themselves and each other for being nerds, assholes, and hypocrites.
• The world sucks: Resurgence of “everything is ruined/society is over.”
• Parenting as endurance sport: Christina’s continued struggle with motherhood and sanity.
• Nostalgia vs. modern life: From the design of fast food restaurants to personal collections and 80s TV shows.
• Disgust as content: Every segment, even heartwarming ones, is ultimately about life’s grossness or psychological weirdness.
• Food, Drums, and TikTok: Ongoing riffing about pointless internet clips, old synths/drums, and food fetishes.

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• [01:09] – Main episode starts: Joe DeRosa joins, TV nostalgia
• [05:06] – Joe’s video game & collectible obsession
• [09:20] – “I hate pot” discussion
• [13:29] – Christina on modern parenting
• [14:32] – Meditation confession
• [21:34 + 24:34] – Saxophone musings; band geekery
• [27:47] – "Is it mental illness, drugs, or both?" Church video
• [39:04] – Joe introduces Vile and Horrendous
• [43:16] – Airline & ER ‘vile’ confessions
• [51:03] – Comedy touring, shifting priorities
• [53:09–65:07] – Internet clip show: Neff & Unk, “meaty vaginas,” Tourette’s
• [65:07] – Home Alone house and fast food nostalgia
• [70:39] – Closing plugs, more bizarre TikTok beats

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Closing Thoughts

Episode 842 is classic YMH: equal parts unfiltered rant session, hilarious confession, and affectionate trash-talking. It’s gross, raw, funny, and ultimately a sneak peek into why Joe DeRosa fits right in at YMH—the world is vile and horrendous, and that’s something to laugh about.

Final plug:
Check out Joe’s new YMH show, Vile and Horrendous, and see both comics’ sparse but meaningful tour dates at their respective sites.

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Transcript

[Joe DeRosa]

Well, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

[Ali Jackson]

If you're a podcast host, listen up. This one's for you. My name is Ali Jackson. I'm the host of Finding Mr. Height, a dating and relationship podcast that I've been doing for four years now, sharing my positive and practical approach to dating that's built on my own life experience. And I wanted to share another experience that I've had. My secret behind monetizing my show. It's called Red Circle. And I was just telling my colleague about how much I love their platform. With Red Circle, not only am I getting a seamless hosting experience, but I also love the support I receive in ad sales. It's not just typical ad sales either. It's targeted opportunities based on my show and my life. And the platform is super simple. You just set your preferences, and Red Circle matches you with sponsors that align with your show. You can vet every opportunity, and their platform gives you great analytics. More recently, too, my Red Circle team has brought me opportunities outside of my podcast on social media to really augment the podcast partnerships. Bring them full circle. I just can't recommend them enough. If you want to give it a try, try. Go to redcircle.com to get your free trial. That's redcircle.com for a free trial.

[Christine]

Happy New Year, everybody. I'm so happy to be back. Tim is in Los Angeles working on bad thoughts too. But to keep me company is the most fantastic. Joe derosa, everybody. So glad you're here.

[Joe DeRosa]

Do you always call him Tim, or is that an accident?

[Christine]

Well, I'm Christine and he's Tim. People call us that over the years, and so now we just call ourselves that. People call me Christine my whole life.

[Joe DeRosa]

Okay.

[Christine]

Do people call you something other than Joe?

[Joe DeRosa]

No, but they will say, does it have an E? I go, yes, because I'm not a woman. Yeah, but, you know. Yeah.

[Christine]

Joe with just Jo is from Facts of Life. Joe the lesbian mechanic.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Who was not a lesbian because they couldn't say lesbian yet they had to pretend like she loved you.

[Christine]

Can you bring up Jo from Facts of Life? On looks alone, would you say that she is into dudes?

[Joe DeRosa]

She was my favorite, though. She was the best. I thought she was the hottest of all of them.

[Christine]

What?

[Joe DeRosa]

Everybody thought Blair was the hottest.

[Christine]

Blair was the hottest.

[Joe DeRosa]

Blair's, you know, it's milquetoast, man.

[Christine]

Wow.

[Joe DeRosa]

She's a sexy woman, but it's milquetoast. But Joe was the one I liked. I like a chicken with a little.

[Christine]

No, I like the feathered. I had the same haircut in third grade. It's so embarrassing.

[Joe DeRosa]

I like a chick with a little dirt on her.

[Christine]

All right. You know, all right. I think we're sleeping on Tootie.

[Joe DeRosa]

Look at her top left there. Tootie.

[Christine]

Tootie was hot. She's younger, so you couldn't really think about her, but she's beautiful.

[Joe DeRosa]

At the time, Tutti didn't do anything for me. Then in the later years, what was it? Living Single. Was that what Tutti was on?

[Christine]

Living single?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Right.

[Christine]

90S kind of world. That was a great show.

[Joe DeRosa]

And then her hottest, to me is the sitcom that she's on, Mike Epps. Oh, is that, like, new sitcom?

[Christine]

She's great.

[Joe DeRosa]

She's so hot. I was like, holy shit. I don't think I ever realized Tutti is so hot.

[Christine]

Tutti's hot. And you know that her mother, Chip Fields, ran an acting school that I was in when I was 12 years old.

[Joe DeRosa]

Chip Fields.

[Christine]

And her mother was an actress, too. And.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, and her mother, they had a cookie company also. Right. Mrs. Mrs. Fields.

[Christine]

We know it.

[Joe DeRosa]

Wait, this is Tootie's mom?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Okay.

[Christine]

In real life, Chip Fields, she was in. Was she an episode of Good Times? I forget. She was a sitcom actress, too. She did a lot of stuff. Cool lady, good family.

[Joe DeRosa]

Blair. Blair also holding it together in the later years.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

She still looks pretty. Pretty great. I'm not saying everybody else doesn't. I'm just saying, you know.

[Christine]

Yeah. And I like that they gave Joe a Pollock name. Joe Polnachek. And that made her tough.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes.

[Christine]

Yeah. Here she is. Here's.

[Ali Jackson]

No.

[Christine]

Blair. Blair held up.

[Joe DeRosa]

Blair held up.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Wow.

[Christine]

Good for her.

[Joe DeRosa]

Now, who knows what kind of surgery magic she's doing, but she held up.

[Christine]

She's got the right amount. That's the. The secret is just the right amount. You don't want to go too crazy with that.

[Joe DeRosa]

I've been in my head ever since I said, do you always call him Tim? Because now the listeners. I feel like. I feel like on a podcast, if you go, wait, is that a thing when it's a running thing on the pod?

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Everybody goes, oh, so he doesn't listen to the pod.

[Christine]

You know what? You're out making comedy. You're not listening to your mom's house every day.

[Joe DeRosa]

I don't listen to any podcasts.

[Christine]

Do you occasionally. Rogan. Cause I do like the UFO peeps that he has on.

[Joe DeRosa]

Sure.

[Christine]

It's hard to listen to your friends talk on a fucking podcast because you're like, I could hear this clown talking in the green room. I. Mothership, I don't need to download you.

[Joe DeRosa]

I can't think of one pot I listen to with any regularity whatsoever. The only. You know what? Because I watch a lot of YouTube, so I watch YouTube shows regularly, which, you know, like, like video game influencers and stuff like that.

[Christine]

I'm sorry, what?

[Joe DeRosa]

Like video game.

[Christine]

My 10 year old video game.

[Joe DeRosa]

Take it easy. These are 55 year old men.

[Christine]

I just got the chills. Is it like. I know you're talking about like those guys that play the game and then they walk you through how they're playing.

[Joe DeRosa]

It that I don't watch unless I'm stuck on a game and I need to figure out how to get past something. No, no. There's guys that'll do channels about, like collecting, like retro game collecting. Like, like. Okay, so my friend Pat Contre is somebody that does that. Metal Jesus. I'm sorry, Retro game collecting, like vintage, like Pac Man.

[Christine]

You're going to collect Pac man.

[Joe DeRosa]

Like, like Nintendo.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Joe DeRosa]

Systems from the 80s and 90s. Those games are collectible. A lot of them are worth a lot of money. There are games out there that are worth 50,000, $100,000.

[Christine]

Really?

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. Is that Pat.

[Christine]

That's.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, but anyway, Metal Jesus Rocks is a channel I watch.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Joe DeRosa]

Game Sack. But I like collecting. I like collecting. So I'll also watch like record collectors and I'll watch movie collectors.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Joe DeRosa]

Dead Pit radio, I watch their horror movie guys and they collect all the special edition horror movies that come out. So I watch that to learn about, like, what's the next edition of whatever.

[Christine]

May I ask you something, though? Because the collecting thing, it seems like it's contingent on the demand for that thing. Correct?

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Christine]

So how do you know when to sell the item? How do you know the time is hot? Like when someone dies, then you like, oh, Leonardo DiCaprio died. I'm gonna sell my edition of Titanic. Titanic?

[Joe DeRosa]

That will never be worth anything.

[Christine]

What?

[Joe DeRosa]

Even when he's dead, there will be no edition of Titanic worth any money.

[Christine]

You don't. You're not a fan of Titanic?

[Joe DeRosa]

No, no, I'm not saying that. I'm just saying it was. It was so mass produced, it's like it's not a thing that will be worth anything.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Joe DeRosa]

But most things that are worth something in the collectible world are things that were produced in a short run.

[Christine]

Oh.

[Joe DeRosa]

Therefore.

[Christine]

Got it.

[Joe DeRosa]

Some of the most valuable video games are terrible video games. Nobody bought them. They were produced in a Short run because there was no demand, and now they're extremely rare and very valuable. Yeah, it's weird, but I don't know when you know, to sell it. I'm not in the. I'm not in it to. I'm not, like, flipping it like, houses.

[Christine]

Oh, okay.

[Joe DeRosa]

I get stuff because I want it and I want to collect it. So I don't know if the. I don't know if you told me this thing's worth 10 grand, I would probably sell it, but.

[Christine]

Well, because I'm silently judging you right now in my head and being like, this guy's a fucking loser, nerd, dork, shithead. And then in my head, I'm going, yeah, but dickhead, you have, you know, the Susie and the Banshees, first edition, you know, Christine single. I have Bauhaus records that are, like, purple. I. You know, I'm a goth collector.

[Joe DeRosa]

I gotta be. First of all, you were not.

[Ali Jackson]

Go ahead.

[Christine]

Who's gay?

[Joe DeRosa]

Or you're gay. But you weren't that silent. I love that you thought. I couldn't tell you were judging me. Your face was, like, drooping and you're almost, like, spitting. It was so obvious.

[Christine]

I couldn't hide my distill. Well, can any woman, Joe, when you bring up your collection.

[Joe DeRosa]

Not around me, but. Wait, why? Yeah, I'm surprised. No, I'm not going to make fun of you. I'm surprised that you're. No, no, no.

[Christine]

But super gay.

[Joe DeRosa]

I don't want to. I'm surprised you're as. As disgusted as you are, because you have a very nerd side. So I would think you go, oh, I can relate. That's like my Bauhaus stuff, you know?

[Christine]

But I'm convinced that what I like is cool and what everyone else likes is not. And that's. That's my flawed thinking. But I'm convinced I have the coolest taste. Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Welcome to the world of nerd collecting. You'll fit right in. You'll fit right in with these fucking dorks. These egomaniacal dorks.

[Christine]

You two are convinced that what you collect is the coolest? Clearly, everybody must be. We all think we're the coolest.

[Joe DeRosa]

As you were judging me, I was sitting here going, this fucking dumb shit doesn't get it.

[Christine]

Powerful. We're gonna be such a good podcasting team. This is fucking perfect. Yeah, well, we don't. What we both agree on is that we both don't like pot.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. I hate it.

[Christine]

I hate it, too. And I feel like you can't just say Look, I don't hate people that smoke pot. I can't take it. I've tried my whole life to get high. It never works out well for me.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, it's okay. So I loved it. Okay, so I lived in Texas in 2000 before I came back a couple of years ago. I loved weed back then. My.

[Christine]

The 2000 Texas weed. Go ahead.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, but my jump off of weed happened when I lived here in 2000 into 2001 or whatever it was. But I loved weed back then. Weed was called schwag weed back then. It was. Sometimes people called it dirt, whatever, and it was not that potent. You could smoke some, you could feel good. You could smoke some while you're drinking. You could feel good. It was fine. What I don't like is how potent it has become. And I know there are people listening that are going good, then get good at it. Build a T, whatever.

[Christine]

They're not wrong.

[Joe DeRosa]

There's.

[Christine]

Take more pot.

[Joe DeRosa]

Well, there's a. There's a. There's a thing that made me hate it. There's a thing that made me go, I don't. The strength was what me say, I don't smoke it anymore. I can't. It's not for me. When I started to hate was the lifestyle and accepted societal acceptance of it. That pissed me off. I got tired of having to tell, for instance, bartenders that worked for me at my bar in New York don't, you can't walk outside during your shift and smoke fucking pot in front of the bar. Do you understand? You're working right now. Do you understand? I'd yell at you if I saw you drinking right now. You can't do that. Friends going, oh, we gotta drive to the mall. Let me just take a quick hit. Fuck you, dude. You're driving me.

[Christine]

Right, but it's legal to do it in public, though. Yeah, like, it's not the legality.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, I don't give a shit about legality. It bothers me that people think it's so different from alcohol. If I was about to drive you somewhere and I go, hold on, let me take a quick shot.

[Christine]

That's true.

[Joe DeRosa]

And then. And then when I've said this to weed smokers, that's true. This is a big argument that me and my ex girlfriend used to have. I'd be like, it's people that smoke weed in the morning. Imagine if I woke up and said, I have to clean the house. I just want to do a couple shots first. And she'd be like, it's completely Different. I go, it's different to you because you have a weed tolerance. Guess what? I have a booze tolerance. I can drink a lot. A lot. Okay. I don't do it ever outside of times when it's time to drink.

[Christine]

Right.

[Joe DeRosa]

So I just don't. It's become like. It's become like the martinis on Mad Men where people are just like, what.

[Christine]

Is it, 11am Time to get high.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. Come on in my office, John. Let's talk about the merger and we'll do a couple martinis.

[Christine]

You're saying that culturally it annoys you because it really is no different than being as impaired on alcohol. Correct. It's like. It's like drinking all the time. You're like, let's get drunk.

[Joe DeRosa]

Whether you.

[Christine]

Whether I get behind, I'd rather drink all day.

[Joe DeRosa]

I love it.

[Christine]

Don't you?

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, but I don't drink all day.

[Christine]

Yeah, because we go, no. Yeah, not good today.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. I drink after work.

[Christine]

Like a respectable white, puritanical. Yeah. I wait until 5 o'. Clock.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And then I get ripped. But I have been drinking every day since December 23rd.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm so jealous that your day is over at five.

[Christine]

It's not over, babe. It's just beginning with two kids, okay? And that's what I need to. Because I'm always alone with my kids. My husband's gone a lot for work. Right.

[Joe DeRosa]

You've heard of him Anyway, Joey Diaz.

[Christine]

Joey Diaz. Could you imagine? Oh my God, he would eat me alive. But anyway, it helps me get through like homework and them talking because they fucking talk all the time and it's exhausting. Nobody mentions that this time of parenting, 7 and 10 is just listening to motherfuckers talk.

[Joe DeRosa]

Is it worse than the terrible twos? Is it like, would you rather have a. Would you rather have a bratty kid going, no, no, no. Or would you rather have a kid going, can I tell you about every single thing I think is interesting?

[Christine]

Minecraft. It's all I hear about. I know everything about Minecraft and everything about Roblox. I'd rather have this era, okay? Because I can tune it out with alcohol. Okay. You really, really want to tune out the 2 year olds because then like, they can like hurt themselves and died.

[Joe DeRosa]

I have an idea.

[Christine]

What's that?

[Joe DeRosa]

You should play Minecraft and then instead of. I've never played it, but instead of them talking to you about it, you'll just play with them. And then it's like a game and you're having fun, right?

[Christine]

I don't know, is it, is it fun?

[Joe DeRosa]

I'd. I'd. I'd rather sit and play the game than talk about the game.

[Christine]

Well, can I tell you what I'd rather do all the time?

[Joe DeRosa]

Drink.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, I hear you.

[Christine]

Or you know what I do when I. Kids go to school because I'm so overstimulated from them. I go into my room, I close the curtains and I meditate for like two hours.

[Joe DeRosa]

Really?

[Christine]

I have to be so still because I get real fucking dysregulated. Those fools talk.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's.

[Christine]

It's terrible.

[Joe DeRosa]

Two hour meditation.

[Christine]

I can. I know. I talk to the aliens. I get real weird, man. I do. I really like it.

[Joe DeRosa]

You do the, what is it called? Tm?

[Christine]

Yeah, I'm past that. But yeah, I've done it.

[Joe DeRosa]

What's past that, rookie?

[Christine]

It's when you get a mantra that's fake. Kind of like I shouldn't give away their trade secrets, but they give you a word, a mantra, it's not like a real word. And so I just feel like when I say that word, it's good for your mind, but you're not hearkening positive. Anything in the universe sound like saying the Hare Krishna.

[Joe DeRosa]

See, I've heard this.

[Christine]

Go ahead.

[Joe DeRosa]

And I just made up my own mantra. I'm like, I need some fucking guy to give me a fake word. I have. I won't say, but I have a mantra and it's an acronym for something that I believe in greatly.

[Christine]

Okay, good.

[Joe DeRosa]

And I. But the word, the acronym itself is not a real word. It doesn't, it's not like, it's not like dare. Yeah, yeah, you know, you know, whatever. So. But yeah, that's good.

[Christine]

I think it has. Have meaning. I agree. Otherwise it's not going to be useful. Hold on. Speaking of friends. Sure. Should we get this show started? Speaking of people that collect things and like cool people like us, here's a cool person. It's been difficult to make little friends because freaking covet's not over fun fact. And so it's like I, I have to go my way to isolate myself. So socially I think it's going to a big protest like oh hey, what's up? How's it going? I have to go.

[Joe DeRosa]

Well, that's too big of a protest.

[Christine]

Oh, it's a group of people. I need to stay away from them cuz they're not wearing masks and, and.

[Purple Hair Girl]

I, I'm not compromised. So it's difficult.

[Joe DeRosa]

Okay. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone mother into this.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Let's get.

[Christine]

Yes.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's great.

[Christine]

The lost one. Look at that.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, Get police academy in there.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

I like this guy. God, his neighbors must hate him. Oh.

[Christine]

You know what that theme song means? Ah, wow. Thank you at Gavin J Music for that beautiful saxophone intro.

[Joe DeRosa]

Can we rewind real quick when he's at the piano?

[Christine]

So good.

[Joe DeRosa]

That was great. Can we. I'm serious. Can we bring it back to just a still of when he's at the piano? I think I saw a picture of me on his bulletin board. What? I'm not kidding. I'm not joking, Joe.

[Christine]

You think he's into you? You think Gavin is in love with you?

[Joe DeRosa]

Pause. Is that me on the. Wait, did you see? Do you see?

[Christine]

No. Is that.

[Joe DeRosa]

It fucking looks like it.

[Christine]

Did you dress? That was a black and white striped, like the hamburglar shirt.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, that's. No. So that's not me. We need the thing in the. In like csi when it's like when it goes in the thing. That can never happen.

[Christine]

That would be so amazing if he did have you on his vision board every day. And he's like, I just want to know Joe derosa.

[Joe DeRosa]

That might be.

[Christine]

I want to know you, Joe.

[Joe DeRosa]

I mean, God almighty, Jesus. Who doesn't? I want to know myself.

[Christine]

Hilarious.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's me.

[Christine]

That is not.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's a spirit of Halloween. I think that's actually a woman. I think that's Joe from Facts of Life. I think that's her.

[Christine]

The spirit of Halloween. It's like that lady with the deep voice that we cover. It's that spirit of Halloween. That's the East Coast.

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[Joe DeRosa]

Gambling problem. Call 1-800- gambler in New York. Call 877-8-HOPE and WY or text Hope and why 467-369 in Connecticut. Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org Please play responsibly on behalf of casino and resort in Kansas. Pass through per wager tax may apply in Illinois 21 and over. Age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in Ontario, restrictions apply that must win to receive bonus bets which expire in seven days. Minimum odds required. NBA league pass Auto renews until canceled. Additional terms at DKNG CO Audio. Limited time offer. So. So. Yeah. Anyway. Anyway. So. That guy's great.

[Christine]

That guy's amazing. Thank you so much. Beautiful saxophone intros. And you identified properly Police academy. Yeah, because you remember growing up in the 80s, if you watched a movie and there was a saxophone in it, it instantly elevated the entire vibe of the film.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It made me play. I played saxophone, but that's why I wanted to.

[Christine]

It's a YMH exclusive. Where do I put it? Where is it? Where's chips in a bowl? Help. I'm retarded. Intros, Intros and sounds. I hate doing this. The pressured cat's eating kibble.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, that's tough.

[Christine]

This is a YMH exclusive right now.

[Joe DeRosa]

Here we go.

[Christine]

Cats eating kibble. Chips in a bowl.

[Joe DeRosa]

There you go.

[Christine]

Let's enjoy it. Joe Derosa's played the saxophone. Tell me everything.

[Joe DeRosa]

Wait, now, real quick. Was that a man pouring chips into a bowl or somebody shuffling the chips around?

[Christine]

It's a really good question. Let's listen to that.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Christine]

You're putting the chips in.

[Joe DeRosa]

I agree.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Massive amount of chips.

[Christine]

Why is it so soothing? And it does promise fun. It's like, we're gonna have fun. Fun.

[Joe DeRosa]

I gotta tell you, I don't find that soothing at all. My mind is racing during that clip. I'm going, is he putting chips in? Is he mixing the chips? What kind of chips are they? Is it just tortilla? Tortilla sucks. What kind of tortilla? Unless there's dip or guacamole. I did not. I don't enjoy that.

[Christine]

You're stressed about if there's a dipping thing. But I'll tell you. Can I tell you what I've always imagined the chips were standard potato salted. Because you can hear the light. Listen to the levity, the lightness of the chip hitting the bowl. Just listen to that. It's light. It's light. It's not as heavy as. I hear what you're saying with the Mexican tortilla. It's not a tortilla. It's a lay's bag.

[Joe DeRosa]

Mine's going right to Tostitos, which is a light corn chip and my least favorite of the corn. No offense, Tostitos, but, yeah, I agree.

[Christine]

Cause they're bland and they're hard. And you do need to have another dipping thing with them to make sense.

[Joe DeRosa]

So now I'm going, what is he going to dip these in? And then I picture the shitty salsa next to the totitos.

[Christine]

Don't even go there.

[Joe DeRosa]

God, this sucks.

[Christine]

But you're thinking of east coast salsa, which is the jarred bullshit kind. No offense to everybody.

[Joe DeRosa]

You got it down here. Oh, I've seen it in your hebs.

[Christine]

Horrendous. That doesn't count.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, I've seen it in your hebs down here.

[Christine]

It's depressing. It's depressing. I don't like it. I like a fresh. Fresh pico de gau.

[Ali Jackson]

So go ahead.

[Christine]

So tell me about your saxophone. When did you start playing? Do you play smooth jazz? What do you play?

[Joe DeRosa]

I don't play it anymore. But I wanted to play it because I wanted to get into music as a kid, and they offered, you know, band at my grade school. And I chose saxophone because I was like, saxophone is cool.

[Christine]

It's the coolest.

[Joe DeRosa]

Because you could play it.

[Christine]

Did you see the montage? Did you see the Lost Boys? The guy is shirtless. He's being featured as the hot guy, and he's, like, blowing. Everybody wants to be him in the Lost Boys.

[Joe DeRosa]

I played it for 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 years.

[Christine]

Wow.

[Joe DeRosa]

Into my freshman year in high school. And I said, I can't take this anymore. I've hated every second of it. And I switched to drums.

[Christine]

Oh, I like drums. I play the drums.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes. I'm terrible. Well, drums are great.

[Christine]

I love drums.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. No offense to the sax players.

[Christine]

There he is, the guy. That's you, Joe. Can someone put Joe's head on this, please? Look how fucking ratty is. Look at his collar.

[Joe DeRosa]

Do you know Dan St. Germain? Comedian? He. That guy played at Dan's wedding. For real? He hired him and he played at his wedding.

[Christine]

What?

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. I couldn't make it to the wedding, and Dan sent me pictures, and I was like, is that the fucking guy from Lost Boys? And he was like, yeah, I found him and hired him. I was like, what?

[Christine]

And here I am thinking, what should I do for my 50th birthday? I think we just booked us an act.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, there you go. Dan Saint. Yes. Hire Dan Saint Germain to perform at your 50th birthday. Yeah. No, it's.

[Christine]

It's huge.

[Joe DeRosa]

How long have you played drums for?

[Christine]

Not very long. Maybe like a couple of years now. I suck, dude. I'm the fucking word.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm going to get back into it, but I got to get a bigger place down here.

[Christine]

A bigger place? Yeah, you need a bigger place. You need to have cool neighbors that can handle. Hold on. I want to find something cool for you. I want to talk. I want to look at this clip with you, and maybe you can tell me.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm. Yeah, I'm just going to go. Even if I'm in another apartment, I'm going to go. Electronic kit, can I tell you?

[Christine]

So I started electronic kit, and I. They're not as satisfying to hit as the. The real. They're not s. I like the. The texture and the sound and the.

[Joe DeRosa]

What kind of electronic kit did you have?

[Christine]

Some Amazon?

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. You can't. There's electronic kits with me.

[Christine]

With so much derision. You stupid.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, no, no, no, no, no. But did you have the ones with the netting or do you have, like, the hard ones? Those are terrible. Roland makes kits now that have. There's a netting that sort of looks like this.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Joe DeRosa]

But isn't hard, and it has the same bounce back as. That's what?

[Christine]

I like the bounce. Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. You can get an electronic kit that feels like you're playing a real kit and then.

[Christine]

But then Tom won't be annoyed anymore. And my favorite thing is when he's making calls and I'm like, yeah. And I just. I know it aggravates him. I don't care.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's funny.

[Christine]

He's not here. Okay. I don't know what the this is. And I purposely didn't make myself too briefed on it cuz I just wanted to experience and explore this with you.

[Joe DeRosa]

Great.

[Christine]

Okay, here we go. This is my.

[Joe DeRosa]

What's going on today?

[Christine]

Oh, you've seen this?

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Christine]

So for people listening, it's a guy in a church altar. He just lays back and falls flat on his back.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Christine]

And head.

[Joe DeRosa]

So how do you end up here today?

[Christine]

Because I'm Jesus.

[Joe DeRosa]

You have some friends around here or something? Give me for me to help you. You have to talk to me.

[Christine]

What drugs is he on?

[Joe DeRosa]

I think he's just crazy. Or do you think it's drugs? Maybe it's both.

[Christine]

Joe, this is always a really compelling argument on our show. Is it just drugs or mental illness or both?

[Joe DeRosa]

The entire country is suffering from PST, PTSD, and a collective existential crisis. Nobody is recognizing it. Dr. Phil himself was right when he said during the lockdown. We don't need to worry about the lockdown. We need to worry about. Or Covid. We need to worry about the amount of people that are gonna start killing themselves.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

And everybody said you're a monster. Nobody listened to Dr. Phil. He was 1000% right. They catapulted us back into society after yanking us out of society without any training.

[Christine]

Yes.

[Joe DeRosa]

People can't afford health care. People don't have jobs. Nobody owns land. There you go. There's your average American. Now God only knows from Ohio. And they're ruining drugs with fentanyl, so.

[Christine]

I know. So you can't even turn to drugs.

[Joe DeRosa]

You can barely self medicate. The only readily available drugs are weed that will send you into a psychotic spin after one hit.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Mushroom soda that will make you trip balls.

[Christine]

Yes.

[Joe DeRosa]

Ketamine.

[Christine]

Yes.

[Joe DeRosa]

Ketamine, the drug that used to put people in a corner for two hours at a party.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

People just doing that every day now we're. Yeah, this is it.

[Christine]

That's so true. That's so true. Because this feels more prevalent. Is that the. I'm sorry.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Christine]

My kids keep me up. Yes. Yeah, I know what you're saying. I think you're Right. The. The. Well, like that girl we showed at the very top, she's like, Covid's still happening. Like it's. It's. I don't think it is. I think you're crazy.

[Joe DeRosa]

At least the only saving grace that clip was when she said, I'm immunocompromised. Okay. All right. She's immunocompromised. Maybe she's gone a little battier from being inside a little longer.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Or maybe she's just. I mean, she also was trust like the banana lady.

[Christine]

Banana lady. And why did the mentally ill, they always love to wear, like wrist guards or covering the wrist.

[Joe DeRosa]

There's always something, I believe that is to cover previous suicide attempts.

[Christine]

Oh, thanks, Joe.

[Joe DeRosa]

Honestly, I think that's why. That's why probably I always thought it was.

[Christine]

Cause they have like, I've got wrist injuries. Like there are these annoying people that always have carpal tunnel. Like fat people always have carpal tunnel syndrome.

[Joe DeRosa]

I know. Well, I mean, maybe it could be from lifting the burger.

[Christine]

Always fatsos. So that's interesting. Yeah, I think. And plus, it Covid displaced so many people. Like, we're in Texas now. I never thought I would live here. Our whole life changed.

[Joe DeRosa]

It was our. In this country. It was our own Iraq war. There was no exit strategy. And you're so right. We jumped in with both feet and it was like. And you're just literally people are going, go over there now. No, go over there now. Go over there. And you're like, okay. Okay.

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[Joe DeRosa]

Mercy is coming to theaters January 23rd.

[Christine]

This is the Mercy Court. Powered by Artificial Intelligence Detective Raven, you're charged with the murder of your wife.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm not guilty.

[Christine]

You have 90 minutes to prove it.

[Joe DeRosa]

Or you will be executed. He must use the tools, every camera.

[Christine]

And cell phones at your disposal to solve the mystery.

[Joe DeRosa]

Can I see my daughter's social. Hear that? Someone was in my basement.

[Christine]

Chris Pratt.

[Joe DeRosa]

Maybe she found something she wasn't supposed to.

[Christine]

Rebecca Ferguson, you must move from one piece of the puzzle to the next.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, I have something here. Oh, my God. Mercy, rated PG13, may be inappropriate for children under 13.

[Christine]

Only in theaters January 23rd. So hold on. So let's see what he's up to. So he crashed. Oh, oh, we saw. We still got time on him. Let me. We gotta. He's on the floor. He's shaking. See, he's real red. He's talking to Jesus. Uh. Oh. Don't you dare. Oh. Again on the floor. Again on the floor.

[Joe DeRosa]

Now I'm gonna back your drugs thing. Yeah, I think drugs are involved because he's hitting that marble so hard and.

[Christine]

He'S not flinching and he's rigid.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, I. Yeah.

[Christine]

Oh, and sir, I don't know in the last time as you've done hard drugs, but you do turn red, get a little flustered on your face, can.

[Joe DeRosa]

Get a little red from which drugs? You can tell me. Nobody's.

[Christine]

I mean, if you're tripping, right, like mushrooms or some hard. Okay, psychedelics, right? Guys, back me up.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

I've never heard of that personally.

[Christine]

Red face, you get a red face. I don't know. I mean, look.

[Joe DeRosa]

This kid, Speed.

[Christine]

Speed gives you a red face.

[Joe DeRosa]

I think maybe we're dealing with some bath salts here.

[Christine]

Remember that? Oh, that was a fun one.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Okay, let's see what he does.

[Joe DeRosa]

I love, by the way, the classic cop who just doesn't know what to do. And he's going, buddy, buddy, do you know anybody? The guy goes, I'm Jesus. And he goes, do you know anybody around here? Help me help you, buddy, you gotta talk to me. The cop doesn't just go, come get a fucking straightjacket, please. This guy's a loser.

[Christine]

Cause they're so over it. They're like, this is 90% of the. The stuff we deal with. It's just some mental patient grabbing crucifix. Could you imagine being a cop? You're just wrestling the mentally ill homeless of the world. Okay, so here's. Here's what happens next. This is fun. Oh, he's ramping up for some. Shut up.

[Joe DeRosa]

Shut the.

[Christine]

Oh, damn.

[Joe DeRosa]

Get your taser out.

[Christine]

Yeah, bro.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, there it is.

[Christine]

All right.

[Joe DeRosa]

I can't believe he didn't have his hand on that thing already. What the are you waiting for again?

[Christine]

That's number three.

[Joe DeRosa]

That time, he actually spine hit the steps. His spine hadn't hit the crease of those steps yet. He's on something.

[Christine]

He's like, police work.

[Joe DeRosa]

20. How far out are you.

[Christine]

He's on something.

[Joe DeRosa]

Now. Are you not allowed to tase for the safety of the person? Like, I'm gonna tase you so you stop doing this to yourself. I mean.

[Christine]

You're right, though, because he's. He's more of a danger to himself now.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. What point do you not. And why is he not cuffing him? What. What is going on? What is happening?

[Purple Hair Girl]

They just watch.

[Christine]

Hold on. It continues. Okay, okay.

[Joe DeRosa]

There's two cops. There's two. Tackle him.

[Christine]

Yeah, well, he's on math. This is math, right?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Red face. This is math.

[Joe DeRosa]

We need.

[Christine]

This is literally what having two boys is like all the time. This is my life. You keep threatening. Just do it. Holy. That's like five folds.

[Joe DeRosa]

That was wild. Yeah, because that's the thing, too. If he had fallen and hurt himself.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

I feel like the cops would have gotten in trouble. Like, why did you let him do that five times? Yeah. First of all, can we get a pitch? You said Tom's out working on Bethel. Can we please get a pitch? Tom could play this guy in a sketch. Can we get a pitch for Tom to do some sort of sketch where he plays this guy in a church? Second of all, this at the end here, this is my new favorite thing. Everybody that ever gets arrested anymore on camera is doing this, whether they're sober or not. Flailing, screaming, wrestling, whatever.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

And then nine times out of 10, there's somebody off camera going, they're not resisting. Stop it. And you're like, this is literally what resisting is. This is literally what resisting is. Why is her shirt off? Because she's resisting, and it came off by accident. This is insane.

[Christine]

Yeah. This guy is insane. And you're right. People now defending, like, the crazy person. That's the problem. We defended these crazy people. They need help. They need to be locked up.

[Joe DeRosa]

They need help. I also. I'm going to once again back the idea that he's on drugs because he's too well dressed to be crazy.

[Christine]

He's on drugs.

[Joe DeRosa]

He's actually pretty well put together.

[Christine]

Okay, so Dr. Drew said meth runs towards the cops and usually enhances Jesus stuff. So I'm going to go with meth.

[Joe DeRosa]

Really?

[Christine]

Yeah. Cocaine. I said Coca Cola. Coca Cola. You run away from the cops, meth. You run towards them and you scream about Jesus and stuff.

[Joe DeRosa]

Drew is good to hit you with a weird thing. You never knew.

[Christine]

Oh, he knows all this weirdo stuff. He's the best.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Let's get into this. I'm very excited you're becoming part of the YMH family. Well, it's true. Look, I'm more. I'm mad at myself. It's a reflection on you.

[Joe DeRosa]

Have some ozos. It's 11:30am Go ahead. I'm sorry.

[Christine]

No, I'm excited. You're doing a podcast here with us at YMH Studios called Vile and Horrendous.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yes. It's coming soon.

[Christine]

It's a great title, by the way.

[Joe DeRosa]

Thank you.

[Christine]

I love it.

[Joe DeRosa]

It stems from a story from when I was a child that I told on Story wars, the Louis Gomez and Big J podcast. I was on panel with Shane and Matt McCusker, and I told a story where I gained the nickname the Vile Horrendous. And then God love. God love the comedy supporters out there. It's been hashtagged in my feed ever since. I love. Everybody's calling me Vile and Horrendous all the time online. So I was, like, trying to come up with names for this podcast, and most of it is about me, how disgusted I am with all of everything.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

I was like, well, Vile and Horrendous is a perfect.

[Christine]

It's such a good name.

[Joe DeRosa]

Thank you.

[Christine]

Vile and Horrendous.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm very excited. I'm so excited to be a part of this here, too.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

You know, here in Austin and loving it. And you guys are obviously, you know, the pod network down here. So it's like. It's, you know, it's. It's just. It's. It's cool. It's really cool to be a part of it.

[Christine]

Like, that's so cool, dude. Yeah.

[Ali Jackson]

You're here.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm stoked.

[Christine]

That's so funny. So it's you talking about, like, stuff that you. That annoys you and what's annoying you.

[Joe DeRosa]

These four segments. The first segment is me. The first segment is about someone or something that I find vile, horrendous that I experienced, you know, this disgusting pig I met in public. This is what's wrong with everybody. And this is how this. The micro incident is indicative of society crumbling.

[Christine]

Yes, yes.

[Joe DeRosa]

The second segment is me and not doing it to be contrary, but me taking an opinion I have that differs from the popular public opinion about something entertainment related. So it gets a little more macro in the second segment. So for the pilot we shot, I talked about how everybody loves weapons, this movie, weapons, and I thought it kind of sucked. And then the third segment is the news, but it's not the news, like me dissecting the news. It's me being fed headlines that I've never heard before. So it's me just reacting to. So that's the most macro of all the segments. Me. Me just kind of. Because that's how most of us respond to the news. That's how most of us ingest it. You go on, you read a headline and you go, what the fuck? So I want to do a whole segment like that. And then the fourth segment is people writing in or calling in and saying like, this is a disgusting, vile and horrendous person I met, or this is the time I was vile and horrendous, et cetera. So it goes on. The. The arc is super micro into macro, back to micro. But the whole extent of everything is, or the whole gist of the entire show is everything is disgusting. People are disgusting. Society is over, we're done, it's the end. Which is what my comedy basically is. So I wanted to do an extension of my comedy.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

And by the way, no guests, no me just sitting in a chair.

[Christine]

It's the way to go, Joe. It really is the way to go. It's the way. And plus, we produce it. You're going to have, you know, clips and. Yeah, whatever. That's awesome. I think it's just perfect, perfect show for you.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's going to be fun.

[Christine]

Amazing.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm excited about it.

[Christine]

Amazing, violent, horrendous. Yeah, it's so funny because yes, at times you are the vile and the horrendous in life and you forget it. Like, I forget all the time. Like, I'm fucking the worst of some people.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, well, that. When we did the pilot, I talked about this. I might redo this because it was. It's, it's. It's evergreen enough. But I talked about this airline experience I had. So it started with me being like this. These fucking airlines are disgusting. They're charging us a premium for basic human convenience. Fuck these people. They're gross.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

But then I talked about how I snapped at the. I had to go get. Something happened. I had to get reroute. I don't remember. But I had to go up, back upstairs to another desk because this desk couldn't do it. And when I got up there, the lady that was armor. What is. I had to check in. But the lady, you know, there's the lady or the. Or the guy, they'll be at the front where the kiosks are the self help ones. And I go, I gotta check in and I'm running out of time. Your machines aren't working. And she was like, you have to go stand in the line. And the line was forever. And I go, I can't, I'm gonna miss my flight. And she was like, I don't know what to tell you. And I was like, oh, so because your machines don't work now I'm gonna miss my flight?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Cause this is my. And I was a dick. And I got in the line. The line actually went very quickly. I checked in, everything was fine. And I felt really bad. I felt really bad. So I went back to the lady and I was like, hey, I want to say I'm sorry. I shouldn't have snapped at you like that. It's not your fault. You just work here. And she almost started crying. I swear to God, she almost started crying. And she was like, thank you, you made my day. And I was like, nobody ever says this to this woman. So, yeah, I want to turn it on myself too. To be like, we're all acting like pigs, everybody. Because everybody's acting like pigs and we're all reacting to the other pigs.

[Christine]

It's so true.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's a tough dynamic. It's a tough energy to exist in.

[Christine]

God, so bad. I was just such a. To somebody in a hospital too. I really was. I was, you know, I was waiting for test results. I was, I. I don't know. Charo, I. I had to take. Charo.

[Joe DeRosa]

The singer?

[Christine]

No, my mother in law. I'm sure she'll tell you about it, but we thought she was having a stroke this week.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh my God.

[Purple Hair Girl]

I know.

[Christine]

And we're like, call 911, get in the ambulance. We go to the ER. I'm the only one in the family that is free to take care of her. So I'm there in the er, and like, I get it. The er. It's like the last place on earth you want to be. And there were people literally doubled over, dying, coughing and lying. I was like, oh, God, I don't want to be near any of this, dude.

[Joe DeRosa]

And so it's not over. It's not over.

[Christine]

Damn it. But so, yeah. So anyway, we're waiting for her blood work to see if she's having, like a stroke or whatever, heart attack. And this, like, such a dick. She's. She's so nice. In the beginning, like, we were joking. I know. I was like. She's like, you should work here. Like, to me, because I was like, I was so charming in the beginning. And then I just. I got ground down because we were waiting for results and waiting for results. And then I started calling her a lesbian behind her back because I'm like this lesbo. And Charlie was like, you think she's a lesbian? I'm like, of course she's a lesbian. Look at the hair. And like, I'm being such a dick. And I feel like she heard me.

[Joe DeRosa]

She probably.

[Christine]

She could sense it. She can.

[Joe DeRosa]

I mean, I could. I could tell you. You're on me in your head about the video games. You think this nurse on a. On a 28 hour shift can't tell you're calling her a lesbian in your head.

[Christine]

Lesbian Daggers. Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Christine]

I'm such a dick. And I could tell she turned because I kept asking for those. And then her. The tone changed and we were no longer friends.

[Joe DeRosa]

But that's. That's it. I thought you're gonna say you snapped at her or something.

[Christine]

I didn't snap at her, but I was being annoying. Like, can we see the. Where's the doctor now? Oh, she's running the er. That's what she said to me. Oh, she's running. Just running an er. So she kind of gave it to me a little bit and I was like. And then every time I'd go over to her, she was on a screen and then she closed the screen out. Like I was fucking wanting to look at other people's files. So then I would purposely go over there and look at her computer just to kind of annoy her. Because then she like, bitch, I don't want. I don't care what's happening in number 37. You fucking. So I don't know. We had an unspoken passive aggressive thing.

[Joe DeRosa]

It's a. It's. That's a tough situation to be in.

[Christine]

Now I want to apologize to her. Now I want to go back to the ER and be like, I'm sorry.

[Joe DeRosa]

I called her back. I don't think you did anything that bad.

[Christine]

I called her a lesbian behind her back.

[Joe DeRosa]

Who cares? But it was behind her back. That's what behind your back is for. That is what behind your back is designed for. It's designed for every slur and terrible thing you want to say about somebody.

[Christine]

So do I qualify as vile and horrendous?

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. But here's the thing. Here's the thing. You know, I think about this a lot and I write a lot of stuff down and some of it makes it into stand up. And a lot of it is going to start getting jettisoned into this podcast.

[Christine]

Good.

[Joe DeRosa]

Because it's like I need an. I want an outlet for this stuff that isn't. The whole podcast was designed to have an outlet for this stuff where I didn't have to construct it into a joke.

[Christine]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

You know what I mean? Where I could really take the. My time and like, whatever. But. But anyway, not to digress, but the. But. But this is the thing in that situation. It sucks.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

You know what I mean? It's like the whole system sucks. The staff is overworked.

[Christine]

It all sucks.

[Joe DeRosa]

Everything. You know what I mean? And it just. It's. Everybody is getting. And then you're all in this pressure cooker and you're going, hey, where are my results? And she's going to, hey, there's a fucking legless person over here. I'm sorry if I get your fucking results, but. And by the way, they're in the back going, this Charo lady didn't have a stroke. We're in no rush.

[Christine]

She's fine. It was like low. Low blood pressure or she just was dehydrated.

[Joe DeRosa]

But they don't tell you that part. No, because the system sucked.

[Christine]

They won't tell me.

[Joe DeRosa]

They're little. And by the system, I mean the system in the way it operates in that particular er. So they're going, well, you don't have to get to this right now. She didn't have a stroke, so whatever. But you're sitting there going, did she have a fucking stroke? It's terrible.

[Christine]

It's terrible. And you're right, the world sucks. I hate everything, Joe. What I don't hate is, by the.

[Joe DeRosa]

Way, I only said it because you said.

[Christine]

I don't take offense.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, no, no, I. I know, but I wanted to make sure you knew I wasn't saying, babe.

[Christine]

No, I'm the least sensitive. But speaking of vile, buy my lipstick for Valentine's Day. The perfect gift. You should get the perfect four. You could get my lip gloss bundle. You can get my liquid lipstick. I'm going to be bundling up my cheek stuff, too, for you guys. It's fantastic. Christinap.com Order that stuff now so it gets, you know, to your place in Time for Valentine's Day with a hard M. Also, believe it or not, I will only be doing two stand up comedy dates. I'm gonna do Chicago and then Texas here. I can't read it because that's too far. I'm doing the Dunn theater in Chicago March 27th, 28th, and then April 24th and 25th, Punchline Irving here in Texas. Christinap.com for tickets. What about you, Joe Rose? Are you touring right now? What are you doing?

[Joe DeRosa]

Touring a little bit. Yeah. What do I got? Houston, Texas, January 17th, Magoobies, Baltimore, January 30th, 31, Zany's Nashville, February 27th, 28th, Zany Chicago, the following March 6th and 7th, American Comedy Company, March 20th, 21st. Anyway, go to joe derosa.com. that's where all the, that's where the dates are. I try to go out, you know, not a ton same.

[Christine]

I, you know, ever since I had cancer, I kind of, I'm like, I don't know if I can leave my house. I feel like touring gave me cancer. So now I'm like, I'm going to stay home and garden, pet the cats. But then I love doing stand up and I love it so much.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's why Austin's great though. You can do tons of stand up here and never go anywhere.

[Christine]

Can I show you my curations, please? Dude, this is like all I look forward to on this. Not all I look forward to on the show, but it's really my favorite.

[Joe DeRosa]

Please.

[Christine]

Because I lovingly curate these and for those of you who don't know and.

[Joe DeRosa]

Can I say something about your stand up touring?

[Christine]

Go ahead, babe.

[Joe DeRosa]

I think, and I think you need to hear this or I want to reassure you and your notion. I think you're doing the right thing. I think you, especially after you go through a about with health.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Stuff. I think you're recognizing what's important to you, what time is it means to you and who you want to spend that time with. I think you've got a tremendously successful thing happening right in your hometown.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Obviously. Where you are making a living.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

And I think so. You, you go do shows on the road when you want to and when you can do the best show for, for the people.

[Christine]

For the people. I agree. Joe derosa, you don't have to, you know, I'm not, I'm not grinding. Here's what I'm not gonna do. I'm not grinding out fucking cities to do it anymore. But I will do like select places where I see there's an audience. I will go, I enjoy doing that venue. I'm not just grinding out fucking dates anymore.

[Joe DeRosa]

I am. I am two months away from homelessness at all times, and I do that. I'm two months away from homelessness and I go, no, don't feel like it. I'll do that. Won't do that. So if I'm doing that, you can definitely do that. You're fine.

[Christine]

I know, but I think it's because I have that work ethic of being a comic for the last 20 years, where Tommy and I would, like, fucking leave on Wednesday night, do feature weeks, come back Monday, record the podcast, Tuesday, fly out again. Like, we just had this crazy ethic. But you're right.

[Joe DeRosa]

And guess what? It paid off.

[Christine]

It did. I know. Now I should enjoy things.

[Joe DeRosa]

It paid off.

[Christine]

I know, but I can't. I can't. You know, how do. How do you. How does one enjoy. I don't know. I don't know. Here's what I do.

[Joe DeRosa]

Listen. Yeah, go ahead.

[Christine]

Tick tocks. This is all I care about, truly, besides my children. Gardening, drums, vampires. Here we go.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, I love this guy.

[Christine]

So good. That you gotta act like a damn.

[Joe DeRosa]

Sense. Oh, it's great.

[Christine]

Could you have done that with your dad?

[Joe DeRosa]

No, no, no. I mean, I. Maybe he would have thought it was kind of funny, but, like, over this, these guys that, like. I think that's his uncle. I've looked these guys up.

[Christine]

Yeah, yeah, you're right. You're right.

[Joe DeRosa]

And then I'm like, are they just friends? Did you ever see the one where they're at the fish place? There's one where they're at, like, a fried fish place. And the guy in the passenger seat has, like, a plate of, like, fried fish and hush puppies and stuff. And the guy that's always videotaping, he, like, holds up a hush puppy and he goes. He goes, I'll give you $20 if you feed this to me right now. And the guy is like, get the fuck out. I ain't feeding you no goddamn food. What the fuck is wrong with you? Like, he gets. He gets so mad.

[Christine]

So. So afraid of being gay, huh?

[Joe DeRosa]

Exactly.

[Christine]

Feeding a man a nugget. A hash puppy.

[Joe DeRosa]

You got to watch Neff and Unk.

[Christine]

Yes. Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

They're the greatest.

[Christine]

Yeah, I think this is this another one here.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, my God.

[Christine]

No, this is different. Sorry. Different guy, same idea. So hold on, though. Let me. Let's examine this. Is this for. Who's it for? Women or men? What's it for? What are we doing.

[Joe DeRosa]

Is it sexual?

[Christine]

I can't imagine it. I can't imagine a man putting this out and it not being like, what else? What? What for? What else?

[Joe DeRosa]

I watch so many food things.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

I feel like some food things, they're just like, do you. Is he. Well, what does he do?

[Christine]

What do you mean? You might like.

[Joe DeRosa]

So. So I'm ever saying I watch a bunch of YouTube.

[Christine]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

So I watch tons of food influencers.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Joe DeRosa]

My other favorite thing.

[Christine]

Okay. Like, they eat stuff like, we're in Ohio. Chile.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah. Who's the girl?

[Christine]

That's cool.

[Joe DeRosa]

God, she's incredible. Who's the. I feel like you guys probably know her. Who's the girl? Always gives the finger when she's cooking. Olivia. Olivia tied people like that. She's awesome.

[Christine]

Okay.

[Joe DeRosa]

Hoping she follows me back. But, like, the.

[Christine]

She's cute.

[Joe DeRosa]

She is so cute. But. But I follow her because she's great at cooking. The. The cute doesn't hurt. The cute, though, on her.

[Christine]

She's super cute.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah, but. And she's got a tude. She's. She's. She's like a hotter Joe from Fexo.

[Christine]

You know what your type is? You like grumpy brunettes.

[Joe DeRosa]

I do.

[Christine]

Yeah. It's an east coast thing.

[Joe DeRosa]

I do.

[Christine]

If you're from the east coast, you like grumpy brunettes.

[Joe DeRosa]

I like a chick who's like, what, are you not going to do a shot? Pussy.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'm like, oh. Oh, hi, mommy.

[Christine]

Disapproval.

[Joe DeRosa]

Wait. So anyway, but she doesn't do stuff like this with sausage. But this guy. My point is, is I watch a lot of chefs like Olivia who actually cook shit, but then I watch people that just eat shit, and they'll just eat shit in a weird way, because whatever that's called when this, like you said, with the chips, the sound of the food, and. So maybe this guy's just eating in a weird way, or do you think he's.

[Christine]

Let's watch it again.

[Joe DeRosa]

Okay.

[Christine]

I think he enjoys his snozzies.

[Joe DeRosa]

See, I think what he's doing is. I'm sorry. I don't want to undercut your narrative. No, I think what he's saying is. I think what he's doing is being like, you lick the cheese off like this. Oh, it's so good. I always lick the cheese off first. And then he's. We don't see what comes next. And then he sticks it up his ass.

[Purple Hair Girl]

That's the best part.

[Christine]

Oh, this is the lady I wanted you to hear. I'm so glad you're here, Miss Anne.

[Purple Hair Girl]

Get the packages.

[Christine]

Who's that? It's me, Sequoia. Who is that?

[Joe DeRosa]

Hello?

[Christine]

Where are you?

[Purple Hair Girl]

I'm in. I'm in Raleigh at a friend's house.

[Christine]

I was gonna take them anyway. I'm just gonna let the dog pee real quick. I just saw them as I walked by.

[Ali Jackson]

Where are you going?

[Christine]

Just to crack a barrel with Diane.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, my God.

[Christine]

Look cute.

[Ali Jackson]

No, I don't.

[Christine]

My hair needs to be colored and cut. I like your shirt. Big deal. Big deal.

[Joe DeRosa]

Anyway, don't worry, I'm gonna get them. I just want him to pee real.

[Christine]

Quick so I can get the hell out of here. But how great that her voice matches her personality. Cause what if Sydney Sweeney had this voice? It would be rough.

[Joe DeRosa]

I've. Have you? Well, wait, you've been married a long time. When's the last time you were out there?

[Christine]

Oh, my God, what year were we?

[Ali Jackson]

Five.

[Joe DeRosa]

Okay, so this is prior. I've met people online over the years. Not a lot, but once in a while you meet somebody online and you meet them first in the DMs, and then you graduate to talking on the phone and you hear the voice and you go, that voice doesn't match the face at all. And it's jarring.

[Christine]

Really?

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Have you had one this drastic?

[Joe DeRosa]

That's. Well, no, this is wild. But I also think this lady, I think her. I think her look matches. I think both progress together.

[Christine]

Right? I know what you're saying. Like, she started off like a normally girl and then she started smoking cools. And then that evolves the Patty and Selma voice. And then you buy a jersey or whatever. And then you.

[Joe DeRosa]

You wake up feeling like shit. I'm gonna throw on a giant tie dye shirt.

[Christine]

Yep, yep, yep, yep.

[Joe DeRosa]

You know, I didn't get. I didn't get to the place to get my hair done this week. Christ. Now you get a bad attitude. It all starts to.

[Christine]

It all snowballs outside.

[Joe DeRosa]

She's great, though. As you already know.

[Christine]

It's steaming out here. It's steaming out here.

[Joe DeRosa]

Huh?

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

Huh?

[Christine]

I think you look cute.

[Joe DeRosa]

Whatever.

[Christine]

You scared the hell out of me. That's like me accepting compliments.

[Purple Hair Girl]

Whatever.

[Joe DeRosa]

Imagine.

[Christine]

Whatever.

[Joe DeRosa]

God, this is like Florida or something.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Walking in, I smoke occasionally. Cigarettes.

[Christine]

They're so good.

[Joe DeRosa]

They're great. They're the greatest thing ever. But I can't imagine walking in 92 degree heat smoking a cigarette. I'm like, oh, my God.

[Christine]

Can I tell you at like the height of my cigarette smoking? That was the Hardest part was like, the San Fernando Valley summer and being goth and then being like, I gotta smoke at some point today.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, so hot. Dead of summer in that valley. You're wearing six layers of black lace. Velvet. Yeah, velvet.

[Christine]

It's really tough.

[Joe DeRosa]

Some Cruella de Vil outfit. You're smoking on top of it.

[Christine]

Yeah, dude. Or I see the people with the. The windows rolled up in the car smoking, and you're like, dude, I never. I even now look back and wince at smoking inside of my own living room with the windows open. When I lived in an apartment, you're like, ah, it's so nasty.

[Joe DeRosa]

I'll be with. I'll be with. Sometimes I'll go over Tony's house, Hinchcliffe.

[Christine]

Mm.

[Joe DeRosa]

And I'll go. I'll go, can we just smoke in here, please? Can we please just smoke in here? And he goes, no, no. Gotta go outside. I go, it's 103 outside. Yeah. He's like, I love it. I like. You like, smoke. This is what I mean. You have been successful. Start enjoying it. Smoke in the house. Build a little room in here where we can smoke.

[Christine]

I'm still in Eastern Europe, dude. I'm still a communist. I can't. I can't leave. I can't escape.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Christine]

My fucking mind is in the prison. Okay, here we go.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's an unfortunate one. That's an unfortunate one.

[Christine]

I have never seen one.

[Purple Hair Girl]

That one little lady says, hiller. I've heard the other ones.

[Christine]

She's. She's talking concentration camps too, right?

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, my God. That's unfortunate.

[Christine]

That's pretty good.

[Joe DeRosa]

Is Tourette's like. Like I'd imagine with Tourette's, it's like remembering Ghostbusters. Remember at the end of Ghostbusters when they go, just. Just clear your mind?

[Christine]

Yeah, yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

As long as we don't think of anything. And then Dan Aykroyd thinks of Saipa. I feel like that's what Tourette's is like. Like the second you're like, I should never say Hitler, it's like you're gonna say it all the time now. Does it work like that?

[Christine]

I know that there's physical tics that are, like, overwhelming and, like, you just can't stop your body. And I imagine, yeah, it's overwhelming. It's like vomit. You just can't. I know.

[Joe DeRosa]

Hitler's. I'd rather say than. Than Hitler.

[Christine]

And I think she gives a Heil Hitler, right?

[Joe DeRosa]

I think the first one, she goes.

[Christine]

Yeah, yeah, that's cool. All right, here's Another one for you. This is the. Okay, it's time for the first hair hang of the day. This is always the most painful one, but I've just got to get it out the way. And then the rest of the brass practice won't be as bad. This shouldn't be that bad today because I have hair hangs quite a lot last week. Oh, there's one section over here that I can feel like not. I hate it so much. Why would you do this as long as all the hair is, like, evenly distributed in the same direction? Because my hair is super strong.

[Joe DeRosa]

It won't break.

[Christine]

But whenever 1. Whenever. Instantly feel it. We can just do it this time. Oh, man. She's got a meaty vag.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Oh.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, j. Oh, this is better than I thought it. I thought she was going to lift up in the air.

[Christine]

She is.

[Joe DeRosa]

Look.

[Christine]

I don't know why anybody.

[Joe DeRosa]

Oh, no, there she goes. Okay, that's. Yep. That's bad.

[Christine]

Look. Looks pretty now. Oh, God, I want to die. I don't know.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's like. That's like Jedi training to me. Like, she's like, can I do this with me and smile?

[Christine]

I hate it. I just.

[Joe DeRosa]

Her.

[Christine]

Her stupid thing like, her, but.

[Joe DeRosa]

What? Okay. You look a lot like Adolf Hitler.

[Sponsor/Ad Voice]

You look just like him.

[Christine]

Like, has anyone ever told you that?

[Joe DeRosa]

Actually, yeah.

[Christine]

Really, bro? That's insane. Are you serious, bro?

[Ali Jackson]

Yeah, it was in, like, freshman year.

[Joe DeRosa]

Keeps the mustache.

[Christine]

Keeps it. And keeps the hair dark. Really? That's crazy. Wow. And he keeps it.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's the brother. Buzz cut it or something.

[Christine]

Yeah, dude. You change that. You change it up when someone calls you Hitler. Oh, my God. Or you. You lean in harder. Which.

[Joe DeRosa]

Jesus Christ. Wait, why was the hair. What is the purpose of the hair hanging? Is she like a performer? Like, of some kind? Like a circus freak?

[Christine]

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it's a circus freaky thing and. Yeah, yeah, right. It's got to be, like, so awful that it's entertaining. Yeah. Yeah. Okay, here's something kind of tell me how you feel. This is the Home Alone House.

[Joe DeRosa]

It just sold the most famous houses in America.

[Christine]

Look there.

[Joe DeRosa]

For the first time in 12 years, this home is for sale. And wait till you see the transformation. Oh, holy. They actually shot it in the house.

[Christine]

Oh, yeah. I know, right? I thought that was interesting, too.

[Joe DeRosa]

And the creepy basement with the radiator monster.

[Purple Hair Girl]

Frank, he's just a joke.

[Joe DeRosa]

Isn't so creepy anymore in the theater. You can watch Home Alone in the Home Alone House. And this was the biggest surprise. This is a regulation size three point line with 25 foot ceilings and the hectic kitchen layout. Well, it isn't so hectic anymore. Jesus Christ.

[Christine]

I know, right?

[Joe DeRosa]

Go.

[Christine]

It's scary up there. Don't be silly.

[Purple Hair Girl]

Fuller will be up in a little while.

[Joe DeRosa]

Isn't so scary anymore. It's actually a beautiful bedroom now and you can own this piece of American history for 5.25 million. Where is it located?

[Christine]

I don't know, Illinois.

[Joe DeRosa]

This is. This is kind of. I'm a huge. I love John Hughes.

[Christine]

Yes, of course, me too.

[Joe DeRosa]

I love John Hughes. But I will say this, this is one thing, that, this is one aspect of the movies that kind of always throws me off a little bit because they often center around very well to do WASPy folk. So you kind of go, I don't really feel quite as bad for you. You know what I mean?

[Christine]

Yes. That must be the. How they get you to buy in, right?

[Joe DeRosa]

Well, it makes me have less sympathy.

[Christine]

Oh, like fuck them. Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

Not fuck them. Like I'm not mad at them.

[Christine]

Yeah.

[Joe DeRosa]

But I'm also like, well, of course you forgot your kid. You're a bunch of rich people with your heads up your ass.

[Christine]

Exactly.

[Joe DeRosa]

Yeah.

[Christine]

Yes, yes. Which is good because otherwise, if it was like the single mother working, you know, back to back double shifts or whatever at the diner, you'd feel horrendous. You couldn't watch the movie.

[Joe DeRosa]

HE CALLS IT OUT in plane strains like, that's who Steve Martin is. But then you've got John Candy there being like, oh, oh, life is so hard for you. And you know what I mean. But anyway.

[Christine]

But you know what really struck me as depressing is I think the reason they chose this house, because I've seen this movie many times with my kids, is how Christmasy and vibrant the colors are. And this is how every home is now sterile. Beige, white, black and Taco Bell. Even if you look how. Have you seen how they've stripped out the color? The Taco Bell buildings now are gray. McDonald's is gray. This is terrifying.

[Joe DeRosa]

Props to McDonald's. It's the saddest thing ever. The redesign of McDonald's is the most sad. It's the saddest thing of all time. It looks like a coffee house. Yeah, it's all brown with like a sleeker.

[Christine]

Yeah, I hate it.

[Joe DeRosa]

But guess what? Shout out. Shout out to Burger King. Sticking with they went back to the old school sign.

[Christine]

So much better.

[Joe DeRosa]

Burger King still hanging in there? Yeah, dude, it's not as cool, but they're hanging it See the one on the right?

[Christine]

Yeah, I like it.

[Joe DeRosa]

They went back to those signs.

[Christine]

It isn't cool to make things gray and dystopian. I don't think any of that is cool. I don't think so.

[Joe DeRosa]

KFC still looks kind of like kfc.

[Christine]

That's good.

[Joe DeRosa]

But Taco Bell, you're like, guys, it's like prison.

[Christine]

I know.

[Joe DeRosa]

Remember when they all looked like the Alamo? Like a shootout was about to happen?

[Purple Hair Girl]

I was so rad.

[Christine]

And it was literally a bell. Yeah. It was so fun.

[Joe DeRosa]

Look at it now. The purple bell. Like, fuck off.

[Christine]

You know, they were doing this. I remember in the 2000s when everything was extreme. Do you remember when they did that? Like, Extreme Mountain Dew. Mountain Dew crush or whatever. You're like, you don't need to do this. Nobody's. Nobody's upset with Taco Bell.

[Joe DeRosa]

No.

[Christine]

Nobody fucking needed it.

[Joe DeRosa]

No.

[Christine]

Stop improving shit that doesn't need to be improved. It was great.

[Joe DeRosa]

Pizza Hut's a rough one, too.

[Christine]

Fuck off. I love pizza.

[Joe DeRosa]

No, no, no. I love pizza. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christine]

So good.

[Joe DeRosa]

They're all okay. You want to hear a real kick in the nuts? So you know how Pizza Hut's, like, only takeout now?

[Christine]

I didn't know that.

[Joe DeRosa]

That's only takeout now. That's horrendous, I think, for the most part. So I was driving. I was. I was touring and I was touring where I was driving between gigs. Like, I was doing one night here, one night there when. So I have these. Whatever. So I'm. I had a day off, and I was driving between gigs, and I was like, I'm gonna sit somewhere and eat dinner tonight because you can't, because you're fucking running around doing shows. I saw a Pizza Hut, like an old one with the red roof and all that shit. And I was like, I'm gonna go sit at Pizza Hut. I'm gonna get the salad bar. I'm gonna order pizza. I'm gonna get the pitcher of beer that my dad always used to get. I walk in, lit up, counter completely blacked out. They're like, this is just takeout only. And it was still in the old built. It was the biggest blue ball ever.

[Christine]

What a waste. They could have just had it as, like, the one last remaining.

[Joe DeRosa]

It sucked and I just left. I didn't even get any pizza. I was like, fuck it. I'll go to fucking Cracker Barrel or something else.

[Christine]

I do love Cracker Barrel, and I hope they never change. Anyway, we gotta go. We gotta go. Do kid stuff. I love you, Joe Derosa. Check out his new podcast, vile and Horrendous, debuting very soon on the YMH Studios channel. What else? Is there anything else you want to plug?

[Joe DeRosa]

Just go to jodorosa.com for my tour dates. Pop by Joey Roses if you're in New York City for a sandwich and. Or a drink. And that's about. That's about it.

[Christine]

All right, mommies. We love you.

[Purple Hair Girl]

Bye. Meows Versace. Kolachi speaking. Who the fuck is this? It's me. Purple hair girl from the chair.

[Christine]

I was the one myself on cam that time, remember?

[Purple Hair Girl]

Oh, hell yeah, man. What up sis? I remember you. You were flicking your bean on the couch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christine]

I remember you. What's up?

[Purple Hair Girl]

I don't have time to talk.

[Christine]

Listen, where are you at?

[Purple Hair Girl]

Um, I'm just home here now. Hold up though. Where are you calling from? I'm stuck way down in the mountain.

[Christine]

I need you to come get me.

[Purple Hair Girl]

Yeah, I could do that. I'm looking at. Hmm, say 8:00'?

[Joe DeRosa]

Clock?

[Purple Hair Girl]

8:15.

[Christine]

Fuck. You're doing good.

[Purple Hair Girl]

Thank you so much.

[Christine]

You're literally saving my life.

[Purple Hair Girl]

Bam. Say no more. I am on the way, bitch.

[Joe DeRosa]

Awesome.

[Christine]

Piss on me.

[Ali Jackson]

Beat me.

[Christine]

You're the coolest for this.

[Purple Hair Girl]

No, you are. You are the coolest cool girls for life. We about of here.

[Christine]

This is Captain Marcel down into the mountain.

[Purple Hair Girl]

We're rolling. And Vic and Koopa took my sister. And now we gotta explain.

[Christine]

Expose him. If you're a hufflepuff, do not piss me off.

[Purple Hair Girl]

Just keep on scrolling. I ain't impressed by crown molding. Show me that dick that you holding to toe. I'm a walking mermaid. I dip my nuggets in the doo doo. Guess what I drink? Moose soup.

[Joe DeRosa]

100Ly specifically delicious.

[Christine]

Story time. How you say I'm not a racist?

[Purple Hair Girl]

You're the high ranking member of the cuckoo girls club. I shout out Mistress Kawhi when I'm stuffed in farts out of butts, tattooed my brown ice cream, some big words and I married my son spitting them tongues and shit. Cuz I'm a blasting blood cuts in the hoonah. Nothing about good. That's what we do.

[Christine]

You do you do do not do you.

[Purple Hair Girl]

And yes, my eyes are tattooed. Funny story, my ex Perry is in jail. Tik tok what he do? Do you ever worry that you're R word and no one's telling you? I'm a reckless eyeballing hoe. Just as I was made up selling a necklace made of moose turns out the back of my tongue. All right, assholes, listen up. You'll never make Potter come if you ain't licking the scrum. Honey, you ain't tricking no one. Abracadabra boonshot. Wanna see a spartan kick or taste a bit of the poutine I made you wanna with my mia twin goddesses activate.

[Christine]

Identify as a threat a nightmare and.

[Purple Hair Girl]

My pronoun is your grace. I would recommend a freezing zebra even though my health ain't improving. Loose hosing hardcore enough to do it Nature's free multivitamin why the would I not use it? Keep busting clips in my sips I'm literally bonding fluid. I know you love me. I know you want me. He wants to lick. Get up on the sass, put it in your mouth and lick it like glass. I know you love me I know. Oh, you don't want to be you want to lick. Get up on the sass, put it in your mouth and make it like last. Who the fuck you been letting Sample your energetic template A spirit working star C channeler hybrid Astral kid hurry up before I take your bike.

[Christine]

You better not touch me, bitch.

[Purple Hair Girl]

You need to restock the hot cocoa.

[Christine]

When you're done with it.

[Purple Hair Girl]

So McAfee take a ham mix shit pop the vasectomy stitch Now I'm stripe Pauline by with vocal fried and size G tips I keep smelling my vagina in hopes that it'll smell better it just doesn't show the haters how you glass and put your perfect smile lit I'm ride or die show me the body, mommy. We'll chop it up together dip that in acid watch it decay in a row with weather why did it gen up the evidence? We better, we're clever. Bye bye barista bitch. Cool girls keep secrets forever.

[Christine]

FYI he's Cherokee I'm not native at all. So I have a funny question.

[Purple Hair Girl]

You got any cummin? Those bulls?

[Christine]

How come you don't fuck your friends?

[Purple Hair Girl]

Wait, listen to glory.

[Ali Jackson]

Yep.

[Purple Hair Girl]

Stephanie Yonken Manzard Daniac. I'm the Pulani of Wampa. I know you love me. I know you want me. He wants to lick. Get out on his ass. Put it in your mouth and lick it like glass. I know you love me me. I know you want me. You want to lit get up on the sides, put it in your mouth and make it that glass. Please follow my plea.

[Joe DeRosa]

Dirty bitch, take your passenger.

[Purple Hair Girl]

Feel like I'm going to die.

[Joe DeRosa]

What gets rid of hard barn Fuck.

[Purple Hair Girl]

What you heard I'm about to have that orgasmic first break fruit your manner throat zilla might go get in there.

[Christine]

First Fuck my stoma don't freak no.

[Purple Hair Girl]

Chomosa chomp though I'm blowing Cincinnati parts at every goddamn place that I go I'm not a hoe you better follow that pro I'm gonna make you wanna shack the bucks my pussy Two big day songs by Toto we better get smoking and drinking and rocking adidas and peeping on that ultra humongous penis Quarantining with latchkey and we beef griefing and queen beein and I'm seeing them jeans seeming like they be low in loose leaning they'll see sandy sea screaming cause I hydrate like a pissy all you up there doing their thing and stuff like that Did I stutter? If you're a bully, thief, a criminal look out for a cutter we curing headaches with mustard Purple haired girl got you covered. This is the Cult girls club within the house of your mother. I was over mama's last night just to visit it and Cheryl jumped over the kitchen counter at me flying like whose same boat in a fighting suit I don't know why the bitches always be jealous of me so she run to the phone like the bitch made gun always does and I said you better call every law in Sequoyah county east high Cause you gonna need help pring my fingers from around your dick sucking so I end up resting in jail But I'm out this morning Cheryl and I can still see that's right, you didn't swell a shut and I'm coming over here today and I'm gonna do the two step and the cowboy boogie till there's a mud hole in your ass.

[Ali Jackson]

If you're a podcast host, listen up, this one's for you. My name is Allie Jackson. I'm the host of Finding Mr. Height, a dating and relationship podcast that I've been doing for four years now, sharing my positive and practical approach to dating that's built on my own life experience. And I wanted to share another experience that I've had, my secret behind monetizing my show. It's called Red Circle. And I was just telling my colleague about how much I love their platform. With Red Circle, not only am I getting a seamless hosting experience, but I also love the support I receive in ad sales. It's not just typical ad sales either. It's targeted opportunities based on my show and my life. And the platform is super simple. You just set your preferences and Red Circle matches you with sponsors that align with your show. You can vet every opportunity and their platform gives you great analytics. More recently, too, my Red Circle team has brought me opportunities outside of my podcast on social media to really augment the podcast partnerships. Bring them full circle. I just can't recommend them enough. If you want to give it a try, go to redcircle.com to get your free trial. That's redcircle.com for a free trial.