Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Just Lemme Eat Ya w/ Armie Hammer | Your Mom's House Ep. 791"

Released on January 1, 2025

Hosts: Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura
Guest: Armie Hammer
Produced by: YMH Studios

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1. Welcome and Guest Introduction [05:44 - 06:25]

The episode kicks off with Christina and Tom warmly welcoming Armie Hammer to "Your Mom's House." Armie introduces himself humorously, setting a relaxed and engaging tone for the conversation.

• Armie Hammer [05:44]: "I'm just wondering if you guys like the Taste of Jizz."
• Tom Segura [06:10]: "Welcome, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom."

2. Holiday Party Anecdotes [06:59 - 10:07]

Christina and Tom reminisce about their recent holiday party, sharing amusing stories about their coworkers. They highlight the dual personalities of their technical director, Eddie, and their lead in post-production, Chris Larson.

• Christina P. [07:18]: "It was so fun."
• Tom Segura [07:24]: "The whole studio came. The Porosos team came and everybody was in a great mood."

They delve into Eddie's unpredictable behavior when he's had a few drinks, revealing his "black" side and the humorous chaos it brings to the workplace.

• Tom Segura [10:07]: "I just lose the ability to code switch. It's like, I don't have that."

3. Office Awards and Chris Larson's Persona [10:07 - 16:07]

The conversation shifts to the quirky office awards given during the holiday party. Chris Larson earns humorous accolades like the "Sleeper Hog Award" and the "Big Dick Energy Award," sparking playful banter among the hosts.

• Tom Segura [13:37]: "How do we know this? How is this verified?"
• Chris Larson [15:02]: "I have the very minimal THC gummy because you know, mommy doesn't like to get too wild."

They discuss Chris's transformation into "Vacation Chris" when he's relaxed, highlighting his usually reserved demeanor contrasted with his lively side at parties.

• Christina P. [15:28]: "I eat it every time I come into the office."

4. Armie Hammer's Personal Struggles and Public Perception [16:07 - 55:06]

Armie Hammer opens up about his experiences with cancel culture, personal traumas, and the intense public scrutiny he's faced. He discusses the impact of being labeled negatively in the media and how it has affected his personal and professional life.

• Armie Hammer [43:53]: "I was playing pretty fast and loose and I was being a selfish asshole."
• Tom Segura [46:44]: "You are working again as an actor."

He elaborates on his efforts to rebuild his career, the challenges of overcoming public backlash, and the support (or lack thereof) from the industry.

• Armie Hammer [55:06]: "This is not a safe place for me to experiment or whatever."

5. The Dynamics of Public Persona and Private Life [55:06 - 82:19]

The hosts and Armie discuss the dichotomy between a public persona and private identity. Armie reflects on how public perception can distort one's true self and the difficulties in reconciling personal identity with public image.

• Armie Hammer [57:50]: "It's a two way street."
• Tom Segura [61:29]: "Do you think you know how on IMDb it ranks your star meter?"

They touch upon topics like social media's role in shaping public opinion, the impact of fame on personal relationships, and strategies for maintaining authenticity in the public eye.

6. Working with Esteemed Directors and Industry Insights [82:19 - 75:05]

Armie shares his experiences working with famed directors like David Fincher, highlighting the intense and demanding nature of such collaborations. He contrasts this with more relaxed environments, emphasizing the professionalism required in high-stakes film production.

• Armie Hammer [72:24]: "He knows how to do every single person's job better than they do."
• Tom Segura [73:31]: "That's amazing."

He credits directors like Guy Ritchie for creating a positive and enjoyable work atmosphere, providing a stark contrast to more stringent directing styles.

7. Personal Hobbies and Interests [63:38 - 81:45]

The conversation lightens as Armie discusses his interests outside of acting, including hunting traditions and pickleball. He humorously details his unconventional hobbies, reflecting on how they tie into his personal identity.

• Armie Hammer [63:44]: "I love pickleball. Have you tried it?"
• Tom Segura [64:04]: "Let's get some ropes."

8. Humorous and Light-Hearted Banter [81:45 - 92:32]

The episode concludes with playful interactions among the hosts and Armie. They joke about personal traits, engage in light teasing, and share funny moments, maintaining the show's signature comedic flair.

• Christina P. [91:55]: "I started because I was listening and I'm like, I have to see these two."
• Tom Segura [92:23]: "Wet nutsack. And she's coming."

Notable Quotes

• Christina P. [02:32]: "Tom, I see every day as a new opportunity."
• Armie Hammer [47:04]: "It's the kind of relationship I aspire to right here."
• Tom Segura [55:41]: "You're a great actor. We've seen you in a bunch of things."
• Armie Hammer [63:09]: "It was disgusting. No, it was a deer."

Conclusions and Insights

The episode offers a candid glimpse into the lives of comedians Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura, alongside guest Armie Hammer. Through personal anecdotes, discussions on fame and public perception, and humorous office tales, the hosts explore themes of identity, resilience, and the complexities of personal relationships in the public eye. Armie's openness about his struggles with cancel culture and his journey to rebuild his career adds depth to the conversation, while the hosts' comedic interactions ensure the discussion remains engaging and entertaining.

Listeners gain insight into the challenges faced by public figures in managing their private lives versus their public personas, the impact of societal pressures on personal well-being, and the importance of maintaining authenticity. The episode balances serious topics with light-hearted humor, making it both thought-provoking and entertaining for a diverse audience.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[Christina P.]

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[Tom Segura]

What's up, everybody? I'll be bringing my come together tour to a bunch of more cities in 2025. January 18th, I'll be in Philadelphia. Haven't been there in a while. January 24th, San Francisco. 25th January, I'm in Reno. January 30th, I'm in Athens, Georgia. And January 31st, Savannah. February 1st, I'll be in North Charleston. I can't wait to hit all these cities. Get your tickets [e-mail] tour and I will see you there.

[Armie Hammer]

Well, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

[Tom Segura]

Hello and happy New Year.

[Christina P.]

Good night, Mike.

[Tom Segura]

It's 2025.

[Christina P.]

That's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

What a exciting time. A new year. Can you believe it?

[Christina P.]

You know, it's the thing.

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Christina P.]

I kind of don't see it that. I don't know, I just think of it as one continuous life.

[Tom Segura]

Are you taking the juke rods off?

[Christina P.]

What do you think? Should I have them on?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. It's up to you. It's a real personal choice.

[Christina P.]

I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

Wow. Just like that. New Year. No, thanks.

[Christina P.]

No, thanks. Drew Broad, Tom Hanks. I don't know. What do you. Are you. Do you have, like, resolutions? Are you going to do anything differently?

[Tom Segura]

You grow it past that at a certain point. Point.

[Christina P.]

That's what I'm saying. I feel like it's just the same. Different toilet.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, but it's always. And I. I do like the thing of like, New Year. Like, let's. Let's reset and fresh. Fresh and get going again and hit the deck.

[Christina P.]

Hit the ground running. Are these lights supposed to be on, guys? I think the. The two Bears set. Does it matter?

[Tom Segura]

Just the overheads are on. I don't know.

[Christina P.]

I think it affects. Doesn't it?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. Good eye.

[Christina P.]

It's usually not on.

[Tom Segura]

Good eye. Oh, we got a cinematographer over here.

[Christina P.]

Hey, what's I gonna say? What can I tell you what I do? And this is a very spiritually enlightened Because I'm a very spiritually enlightened person.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Tom. I see every day.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

As a new opportunity.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Wow. That's really cool.

[Christina P.]

And then I go like, do that. And that gives me new lease on life every day.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah, sure.

[Christina P.]

I'm serious. And ever since I was in the cancer club, I'm in the cancer club every day. You just gotta, like, you don't know. I. You can't make plans.

[Tom Segura]

It's true. I think that happens when you go through something like you did. Or maybe it's also that combined with aging.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Is you do. Your perspective starts to go just to enjoy things, enjoy life, do it. Do the thing. Try this. Have fun. That somebody said. I don't. I wish I could credit the person because I don't recall who said it about. You only have, you know, if you're a certain age, hey, you have. You have 20 good summers left. Or whatever. You know what I mean? Like, this is not going to happen forever. Because when you're.

[Christina P.]

No.

[Tom Segura]

16, you're like, what? Yeah, this is. It's just another one. But there is an age where you start to go, oh, yeah. There's a limited number of these as your kids age, too. Because you go through this thing where you're like, oh, you start to realize there's a ticking clock on childhood innocence.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like there's just going to be an age where they're just got, like, right now, they're still innocent. They don't, you know, I mean, they don't know how jaded it can be. Right. They're just fully. Just. And you go, oh, that wonder will leave one day. I know.

[Christina P.]

Do you know what?

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Christina P.]

I just remembered. Do you ever. You remember, like, a childhood trauma, like, you know, at the time it's normal. And then you're like, oh, do you remember Bartles and James wine coolers?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

My mom used to just let me drink them. And I was. I was Ellis's age. I was nine.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Wine coolers.

[Christina P.]

Like, she didn't know. I don't. Or maybe she did. They tasted so good. And to this day, you definitely should.

[Tom Segura]

Not have had that.

[Christina P.]

No. But the. The original flavor, like the og.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

None of this.

[Tom Segura]

All these flavors are newer.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. I like the OG Ones. The two. Two guys on the porch. That.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Oh, so good.

[Tom Segura]

You're drinking that at 8?

[Christina P.]

Yes. She would let me have a wine cooler every night. And I'm like, strange. I know, but it really was tasty.

[Tom Segura]

Truly foreign. Truly foreign upbringing.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. I know. But anyway, I agree. You know, it's. It's all short. It happens so fast.

[Tom Segura]

Let me point just something, one thing out. Whoever made this coffee can themselves.

[Christina P.]

It's not even coffee. It's just milk.

[Tom Segura]

You get the.

[Christina P.]

Don't you suck your mom's tits and drink that milk?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. This is just basically tit milk.

[Christina P.]

I know. For your little baby. Suck your thumb.

[Tom Segura]

Really setting me off.

[Christina P.]

Baby. Who did that?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. Some horrible person. I don't know.

[Christina P.]

I know why. It's cuz Reed's not here.

[Tom Segura]

Reed's not here today.

[Christina P.]

And then someone got your copy and wasn't right.

[Tom Segura]

It's not right, stupid. Sorry. His name's Breed. Just. Just reminding you. Breed. It's. That's his name. I just wanted to remind you.

[Christina P.]

Why Breed?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. That's.

[Christina P.]

He likes it, but he does not like it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's what. That's what he wants to be called. Did you give him that nickname? No. It sounds like a black Eye nickname. No, I would never do that. That's what he wants to be called. Let's get into what you would do here in a moment. Here's the opening clip, everybody. Let's start the show.

[Armie Hammer]

I'm just wondering if you guys like.

[Tom Segura]

The Taste of Jizz.

[Christina P.]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

At first I didn't like it.

[Armie Hammer]

It tasted really bad. But now I just can't get enough of it.

[Tom Segura]

I want to put in everything that.

[Christina P.]

I hate you so much.

[Tom Segura]

Drink my protein shake.

[Armie Hammer]

Let me down. Let me know down in the comments.

[Christina P.]

Below, down the comment below if you.

[Tom Segura]

Guys like it or not.

[Christina P.]

I hate you for that.

[Tom Segura]

Why? It's a clip.

[Armie Hammer]

Welcome, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom.

[Christina P.]

Search Mom Segura.

[Armie Hammer]

Welcome to your mom's house.

[Christina P.]

Don't be happy with yourself. I hate when you're pleased with yourself. Mommy, Mommy. I'm drinking a cup of jizz right now. Looks like you're drinking.

[Tom Segura]

I know. It's basically not even drinkable. So here's a little thing we'll tell you. This is a little showbiz magic. Although this is our New Year's episode, it is being recorded in 2024. Don't tell them. Well, we have to tell them because last night was our holiday party. Was the YMH holiday party. It was so fun.

[Christina P.]

So fun.

[Tom Segura]

The whole studio came. The Porosos team came and everybody was in a great mood.

[Christina P.]

And by the way, everybody really came dressed to the nines.

[Tom Segura]

People were dressed up.

[Christina P.]

Girls look great, eyes look great.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, People were happy. It was a festive environment. There was great food, there was great drinks, and it was just really fun to. It was. But a couple people, I think, always stand out when they have a couple drinks in them. One is our technical director, any who. He seems to be unaware of the fact that he has a dual personality. And so once he has, I would say, two to three in him, he's just like. Like, he. He really. You know, he gets in there and he's just. Y'all. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina P.]

Oh, yeah. Oh. I saw him making a phone call while we were all having festivities, and I was like, that's kind of. But then he comes.

[Tom Segura]

Here's a clip from his phone call.

[Christina P.]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He was really, like, doing his thing, and everybody's like, oh, I think Eddie's got a couple in him, huh? And you're like, yeah, just give him some space. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Christina P.]

And then he. He hung up the phone, and then he starts shouting into the. The party room.

[Tom Segura]

Oh.

[Christina P.]

And I was like, what is happening? You shouted the N word into the party.

[Tom Segura]

Sure did. You were like, what happened? You.

[Christina P.]

You were like that. This N word is N word stuff. Just like what you were shouting, dude.

[Tom Segura]

I was just saying. Yeah. I don't like how. I don't like how good that lined up.

[Chris Larson]

I don't like them.

[Tom Segura]

He has this power.

[Christina P.]

Oh, my God. That's exactly how he gets when he's drunk.

[Tom Segura]

That was him really doing his thing.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So everybody goes like, okay. And I've seen it a few times. Like, sometimes we do. When we do live shows once, like, the stress of the live show, because there's a lot of stress, particularly on any. Because there's a lot of technical things that go with a live show. He. He always will have a couple after that. And then he's like, you know, don't work no wreck. He. He's like. He just completely goes into another realm.

[Christina P.]

It's like when he relaxes, that side of him is allowed to come out.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It's like. It's like free reign. And the. What the booze does is it takes all the restraints off, and then he's just. Him, you know, that's, like, true. Any. He's like, you a ho. Yeah. He just turns into this guy.

[Christina P.]

It's so fun. I love it so much.

[Tom Segura]

It is great. It's great. It's. Yeah, it's like. It's super black any.

[Christina P.]

You know, super black any.

[Tom Segura]

I just. I just lose the ability to code switch. It's like, I Don't. I don't have that. Yeah, it does. It goes away.

[Armie Hammer]

Like. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I can't talk like y'all when I'm up. Yeah. Office. Any is like, bye. You just don't see him anymore.

[Christina P.]

But I. I don't mind non. Code switching any.

[Tom Segura]

No, it's fun.

[Christina P.]

We're here for it as the kids.

[Tom Segura]

It's funny. He gets, you know, I don't know if you've ever been in an environment where there's an aggressive black person.

[Christina P.]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

But he gets. He just. He turns it way up and, you know, he just. That's him. That's. That is.

[Christina P.]

I remember that.

[Tom Segura]

Three drinking. And he is right there. That's right.

[Christina P.]

It totally is. Totally was last night.

[Tom Segura]

And then, like, he sobers up and he was like, how was last night? I don't really remember much. It's like. It's wild.

[Christina P.]

You guys got any breakfast talks? Yeah, I know.

[Tom Segura]

So that's it. The other one who is just unbelievable is Chris Larson.

[Christina P.]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

Chris Larson, for those of you know who you've followed the show is our lead in post. And he has a real interesting personality, which is. Most times you're like, do you even want to be here? And he's like, everything's fine. And you're like, hey, it's your birthday. He's like, okay. Like, that's him.

[Christina P.]

He's kind of like a cat that doesn't like you.

[Tom Segura]

But he's also an incredibly thorough, efficient, talented guy.

[Christina P.]

Amazing.

[Tom Segura]

Really great at his job. And the truth is, he is like a very sweet, thoughtful guy. He's very smart. Second smartest guy that works here. True. But anyway, he, I think, is always this guy who doesn't like to show emotion.

[Christina P.]

No.

[Tom Segura]

He doesn't like to be very expressive. He's the opposite. He reads as, like, a hyper introvert. He's not going to tell you much. He's not going to say much. And he just goes about his business, goes about his day. And you're like, okay. And if you're like, was that cool? He's like, yeah, it was a good time. Like, that's kind of how he is.

[Christina P.]

I would agree.

[Tom Segura]

And then you get a few pops in them. We first saw this in Cabo. Vacation, Christmas, family. Ymh. Family trip there a few years ago. We were like, what in the. It was like three days. He's like, ha, ha. Just like, you know, shirt off, just like, pouring through. He's like, I. I run this. Viva Mexico. He was just a lunatic, right? And it was Amazing. And then last night you get a few pops in them and you're just like, what the. And he was turning it on. And we did. You had just left, but we did Office awards. I didn't know this was going to happen either, by the way. They voted on. They gave categories and awards. Wildly inappropriate categories and awards. And like, I was like, jesus Christ, this is what we're doing. And everybody was like, yeah, we didn't tell any of you guys, but we just did this. He won multiple awards.

[Christina P.]

I didn't.

[Tom Segura]

I was not aware the first award he won was for the sleeper hog award. The wow. Secret big dick of the office.

[Christina P.]

How do we know this? How is this verified?

[Tom Segura]

They voted. The staff voted for each other.

[Christina P.]

Oh, that. Like, have you seen it or is this just like on feeling? That's bde.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, you could just feel it.

[Christina P.]

Oh, you just. Okay, I got you. When he wears those yellow shorts, you can kind of see it dangling there.

[Tom Segura]

That's a little.

[Christina P.]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

So wait, Sleeper Hog, though, wasn't about bde. It's about physically seeing a hog in the shorts and pants. Right?

[Armie Hammer]

Well, I mean, I. I assume he has one because of the BDE he gives off.

[Tom Segura]

Right, but are people voting on energy? Are they voting like, I. I see a nice bulge in there. Cuz those are two different things. We're voting on who we would imagine. Speculating.

[Christina P.]

Speculating on the bulge.

[Tom Segura]

Wait, are the women agreeing to this? He's seen it, apparently.

[Christina P.]

N. I voted Caitlyn as sleeper hog. I voted Caitlyn too.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, so it's about energy. Yeah, got you. Okay. I thought you guys were like staring at each other's dicks, which is definitely.

[Christina P.]

Which is totally encouraged.

[Tom Segura]

Wait, you have seen it though, Larson. I mean, Zolo.

[Christina P.]

I have not.

[Armie Hammer]

It sounds like Chad has.

[Tom Segura]

Chad said that he was staring at.

[Christina P.]

I have not seen it.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. Yeah, but anyway, he wins that award. Do we have that clip?

[Christina P.]

Yeah, that should be in.

[Armie Hammer]

In your folder.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, it's in. What's it as? Oh, wow. Okay, sorry, I have it.

[Christina P.]

Just so you know, there's a name for when Chris Larson drinks and comes out of his shell and it's referred to as Vacation Chris.

[Tom Segura]

Vacation Chris. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

So Vacation Chris came out to play last night.

[Armie Hammer]

Should we set it up with the Cabo videos?

[Christina P.]

I have those. I would love to see Vacation.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, this.

[Christina P.]

Whatever messaging on Instagram.

[Chris Larson]

Grand Cabo. It's dope. I'm having a great time. I got a bit of pina.

[Tom Segura]

Keep.

[Christina P.]

Keep it real.

[Tom Segura]

Holy.

[Chris Larson]

What's that?

[Tom Segura]

Live life365.

[Chris Larson]

Live life365. And white, 4, 7, and whatever other numbers, and.

[Christina P.]

It's the best.

[Tom Segura]

Holy.

[Christina P.]

He's the. He's the best. That was the first night.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Wow. All right, here's my question, though, because to me, it gives off vibes of. I drink once a year. Like, you know what I mean? Like, the release of a guy who's pent up and, like, this is. He's letting loose. But what I don't know that you guys would know is that. Is this Weekend Chris, or is this probably like once, twice a year Chris?

[Armie Hammer]

Maybe once a month or so.

[Tom Segura]

Once a month.

[Christina P.]

Once a month. He pops out, I feel like.

[Tom Segura]

But that's. I feel like that's only because he only comes out once a month. Gotcha. If he were to come out every weekend, I think Vacation Chris would be. Fuck yeah. Chris Larson is in the booth getting a man in.

[Christina P.]

Vacation Chris.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. What's up, bro? Just. We're just celebrating you. Honoring you. Just, you know, holding you up and.

[Chris Larson]

As you should.

[Tom Segura]

He's so.

[Christina P.]

He does have that bd.

[Tom Segura]

He has that sass. To him, It's. It's great. Well, we're talking about how great you are and when Vacation Chris comes out, how extremely fun it is for everyone. We were reviewing some Cabo clips of Vacation Chris, which were amazing. Last night. You fucking. You were turned up, my man, and we all loved it. Do you have recollections of last night, or is it all.

[Chris Larson]

Yeah, no, I remember most of her last night. It's not all hazy to me. I remember. I remember doing the ice luge with Leanne and then making fun of Bert for not doing it.

[Tom Segura]

Why did he do it? He didn't.

[Chris Larson]

He wouldn't do it.

[Tom Segura]

Why?

[Chris Larson]

I don't know. And then I say, how can you be the party animal? You're not gonna do Isolution.

[Christina P.]

He told me it's because it's cold and flu season and he didn't want to get sick. And then I said. And then I says to him, pussy boy. I says, yeah, but, like, one person has done it. There's only one person's cooties on there.

[Tom Segura]

So. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And then he still wouldn't do it.

[Tom Segura]

His breath was really bad.

[Christina P.]

Really?

[Tom Segura]

Did anyone pick up on that?

[Christina P.]

What do you think's going on?

[Tom Segura]

It sounded. It smelled like he farted out of his mouth and I didn't tell him. And it also smelled like that the day before. I wanted. I wanted to be like, hey, D, are you okay?

[Christina P.]

It's a nutritional issue.

[Tom Segura]

You want to know what's crazy? What? I caught him sniffing his two Bears mic yesterday. So apparently he likes that smell. Dude, he was sniffing it. It was rough. It was good. This holiday season, unwind and recharge with via. Whether you're enjoying a quiet evening at home or embracing the festive cheer, VAYA is well renowned for their award winning THC and THC free gummies and vapes, THCA flower soothing topicals and calming drops all crafted with the highest quality hemp source from trusted independently owned American farms. And the best part, VIA legally ships to nearly all states in the U.S. in discreet packaging directly to your door with a worry free guarantee. No medical card required.

[Christina P.]

Yes Tom, I have started using VIA because I've given up alcohol and I'm such a huge fan. I got the very minimal THC gummy because you know, mommy doesn't like to get too wild.

[Tom Segura]

I know. But I'll say this, I really prefer a Christina that indulges in this than a Christina that indulges in nothing else. She's a better person with Via. This holiday season, gift yourself some peace of mind. If you're 21 and up, check out the link to Via in our description and use the code ymh to receive 15% off at. After you purchase, they ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. This holiday season, enhance your everyday with via. You know, as a kid I think we all loved eating cereal. But as an adult we don't want the sugar. And most cereals, they don't give you the protein you need and then you find Magic Spoon.

[Christina P.]

Oh my God, Gene. I am obsessed with Magic Spoon. I have it here in this office. I like, like the fruity cocoa pebbly flavor cuz it reminds me of being.

[Tom Segura]

A kid and that's. And it's protein packed. That's the thing is that they're, they're light, they're crispy, they taste just like the real thing that we grew up with.

[Christina P.]

I swear it's exactly the same except.

[Tom Segura]

It'S a way better version. Every serving of Magic Spoon high protein cereal has crazy macros, 13 grams of protein, 0 grams of sugar, 4 grams of net carbs. They come in so many nostalgic flavors like cocoa and cinnamon roll. I mean you've been, you've been a Magic Spoon maniac.

[Christina P.]

I eat it every time I come into the office. I like the cocoa ones. Outstanding. The fruity pebbly flavor and plus it's different colors and textures. It's fun.

[Tom Segura]

Check this out, man. Get $5 off your next order at magicspoon.com ymh or look for magic spoon on Amazon or in your nearest grocery store. That's magicspoon.com ymh for $5 off. I guess we have some footage of last night of vacation. Chris, last night at the party. Here we go. See what we got.

[Armie Hammer]

What we got?

[Christina P.]

There's.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, there's.

[Christina P.]

There's Annie turned up.

[Tom Segura]

Wait, what is this?

[Christina P.]

Not a music.

[Armie Hammer]

I took this clip because the bar staff was not happy.

[Tom Segura]

When I gave my speech. I clocked bartenders going like. Like this. And then somebody's significant other was like. I was like, oh, yeah, they're not used to this. That's what that is. Okay.

[Armie Hammer]

Disapproval FGT award.

[Christina P.]

Oh, yeah, the fgt.

[Tom Segura]

Definitely not into it.

[Christina P.]

Oh, there's Leanne doing.

[Tom Segura]

There's Larson over.

[Christina P.]

There's Chris. Yeah. Look at Niana's face. It's like, look at him. He's not even phased.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, there we go. That's another one. So then he wins the. Essentially the big dick energy award.

[Christina P.]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. Yeah, Yeah.

[Chris Larson]

I was very excited. Everyone was just sexually harassing me after I.

[Tom Segura]

Everyone wanted to see your dick.

[Chris Larson]

They all want to see my dick.

[Tom Segura]

Will you give us your measurements?

[Chris Larson]

No.

[Tom Segura]

But is it pretty healthy?

[Chris Larson]

It's a healthy dick.

[Tom Segura]

It's nice.

[Chris Larson]

Nice. It's normal sized.

[Tom Segura]

It's not that. That big.

[Chris Larson]

It's not that that big.

[Tom Segura]

And then you also, there's a really unique award that I. I was. It was. I believe it was last. I was surprised. I didn't know what any of these awards were. They gave out the. The cunty award, the FGT award.

[Christina P.]

Who won the country award?

[Chris Larson]

Caitlin. Caitlyn.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, lovely. And they were all. Everybody was happy to get their awards. Even if they were awards. Like there was like. Yeah. Who. You can mess with them all these awards.

[Christina P.]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then an award was set up. I guess it was set up by any. Where he gave away the N word award. That's not what it was called. Well, that was the prize. That was. No, the prize.

[Chris Larson]

That's what you wanted.

[Christina P.]

The prize was the pass.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. So what was the category that you called? We just said blackest person in the office. Okay. The blackest person in the office. And then when as you were giving the award, you were like. And then if you get this award, you get the N word pass and you have to use it. Yep. Okay. So I wasn't that far off. So Right here. He's like, say it.

[Chris Larson]

It's very good that I didn't say it, especially since it's on the podcast. There's hundreds of thousands of people seeing this.

[Tom Segura]

You have to either show us the. I'm not like, Then show us your dick.

[Armie Hammer]

Whisper it in my ear.

[Tom Segura]

Whisper.

[Armie Hammer]

Not doing either.

[Tom Segura]

You have to.

[Chris Larson]

I will say, what's up?

[Tom Segura]

And you say, already blacked out at this point. I'll say, what's up?

[Christina P.]

And you.

[Chris Larson]

I'm not saying.

[Tom Segura]

Also incredible.

[Chris Larson]

It's only appropriate that both these awards go to me.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, timing, timing.

[Christina P.]

Who is this? Chris Larson.

[Tom Segura]

So much confidence. Also to be in vacation Chris mode and have the wherewithal to know I shouldn't say the nword. It's all impressive, you know, it's really impressive.

[Chris Larson]

Know he pulled up those stairs too.

[Tom Segura]

Do you like working here, Chris?

[Chris Larson]

I enjoy it. Working here, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P.]

He didn't say I like it.

[Tom Segura]

I know. I just, it's tough to pull things out.

[Christina P.]

I don't know.

[Chris Larson]

Not everyone. Not. I don't think other workplaces would try to get me. Just say the Nword. It's just, I, I just think that's.

[Christina P.]

That'S why it's special. It's good.

[Chris Larson]

That is special. I will give you that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

I feel like he doesn't like you.

[Tom Segura]

I'd like to point out it's not. It's that the black guy at work.

[Chris Larson]

Oh, right, right, right, right, right.

[Tom Segura]

Blame.

[Chris Larson]

Let's put it all on any.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I see. Well, it's not like the rest of us were like, hey, here's what you got to do today.

[Christina P.]

Well, we were chanting to say it.

[Chris Larson]

I mean, yeah, everyone was chanting it.

[Tom Segura]

I'll just add that I was not chanting.

[Christina P.]

I wasn't there.

[Tom Segura]

I was looking at him like, just.

[Chris Larson]

Gonna avoid all accountability, huh?

[Christina P.]

Tom, the things that Chris says to.

[Armie Hammer]

You when he's drunk.

[Chris Larson]

Blows my mind.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah, right. Yeah. He gets aggressive with you.

[Chris Larson]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

I remember last year at the holiday party, he was threatening to fight you. I did do that.

[Tom Segura]

Well, when. I don't remember that.

[Chris Larson]

I don't know if he wants to.

[Armie Hammer]

Say it, but when we were at.

[Chris Larson]

Your bartending event, you were bartending. Yeah, Chris, I, I, I said, you're doing a great job, Tom.

[Tom Segura]

He ordered a vodka, vodka soda, and you were taking a little long, and.

[Chris Larson]

He said, hurry up, fun guy. Fun guy. Tom.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, hurry up, ftt. Yes. In the middle of the bar, as.

[Christina P.]

Loud as he could.

[Tom Segura]

I respect it.

[Christina P.]

I respect it, too. No, last, last holiday party. He was threatening to fight you and everyone, remember, like, wasn't he issuing threats to people? Like, I'm gonna fight you. I'm gonna fight you.

[Tom Segura]

Didn't you say you're gonna break a bottle?

[Chris Larson]

I did say, yeah, because you were drinking something, like a beer or something, and it's like the intrusive thought. I was, what if I just smash that bottle? And I said it out loud. That was the problem. And you're just like, what the fuck?

[Tom Segura]

I said that?

[Chris Larson]

No, I said that to you and you said, what the fuck?

[Tom Segura]

Okay, that makes sense.

[Chris Larson]

I mean, yeah, your reaction was probably appropriate and normal.

[Tom Segura]

No, at the bartending events, though, I always. I always tell the bartenders, I've done like 10 now. Every single time. I'm like, I forget. I don't have an appreciation for how demanding, how hard you guys work until you're doing, like, anything. Like, you start doing it, you're like, holy. And you do get better. But I definitely have showed. Shown up at these things and been like, what the. Like, it's overwhelming. So I'm sure I deserve to be yelled at a little bit.

[Christina P.]

No. I imagine you're terrible at service industry work. Yeah, you'd be the worst. Like a waiter remembering multiple orders and specificity. Yeah, but you're not a servant. Like, you're not good at service. I would say, Jesus, it's not in your DNA now. I. I worked in a bar. I was a waitress. I very good at it. I was a barista. I can remember multiple things and work under high pressure. I feel like you can't do those things.

[Tom Segura]

That's not true. I've actually really improved at it. And in doing that, like, I do them once a month or two. So, like, usually when you get there, you're like, oh, and then it takes a while. Then you get into a groove and you start, you know, then I start two hand pouring and. But it doesn't happen the first time you do it.

[Christina P.]

Oh, really?

[Tom Segura]

And the one that he was at, I probably was one of my first ones. But I'm pretty. I'm pretty good now. I'm probably one of the best, actually. I think I'm the best bartender.

[Christina P.]

No, I'm the best bartender. Chris, how often do you drink alcohol?

[Chris Larson]

It's not a common occurrence, I would say just socially, so that's so smart.

[Tom Segura]

How often is that?

[Chris Larson]

I don't know, maybe a couple times a month, three, four times. It really depends on how often people are going out.

[Tom Segura]

And then do they always turn into vacation cruises? No, no, no, no, no.

[Armie Hammer]

Often.

[Chris Larson]

That's not. That's. That is a rare occurrence.

[Tom Segura]

It's a good night. It will.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Chris Larson]

We did karaoke, and it was some.

[Christina P.]

Of the wildest karaoke I've ever seen anyone do in my life.

[Tom Segura]

And it was him.

[Christina P.]

It was Chris.

[Chris Larson]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Did you say it?

[Chris Larson]

Say it. It wasn't that kind of karaoke.

[Tom Segura]

Why don't we plan a karaoke night as a. As a company soon?

[Christina P.]

But can it start at, like, five?

[Chris Larson]

Yeah, I'm sure. Yeah, sure.

[Tom Segura]

And we should probably do it on a Friday.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christina P.]

I'd like to see him karaoke. Let's do that.

[Tom Segura]

I would like to do that, too.

[Chris Larson]

I'm a pretty good karaoke.

[Tom Segura]

Well, Chris, we love you as the.

[Christina P.]

Even though you don't love us.

[Tom Segura]

Biggest dick, blackest employee here. We just. We think you're great.

[Chris Larson]

Oh, well, it's a pleasure working with you guys.

[Tom Segura]

Good.

[Chris Larson]

And I love you both.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you. That felt really good.

[Christina P.]

He never has.

[Tom Segura]

I know. I really, really felt good.

[Christina P.]

He's like, hates us. I love you. Wow. Tom, can I show you something I've been dying to show you?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

So remember how we talk about all the time when I hit menopause?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

That I'm gonna really shut it down.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And I'm gonna start dressing very masculine, and I'm gonna get my hair cut.

[Tom Segura]

Very exciting, very short. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

I found the hairdresser that I will be going to to get my cool new haircut.

[Tom Segura]

When is this happening? Probably. Well, let's see.

[Christina P.]

48. My period's kind of slowing down, like, in two years.

[Tom Segura]

Two years. So I have two years left.

[Armie Hammer]

Yep.

[Christina P.]

Get it in.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Because there's something else gonna happen in two years. You'll never see me again. All right, let's take a look.

[Christina P.]

But I want you to see the haircuts that we've been talking about.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

This person on Instagram is actually doing them. Is doing them and thriving.

[Tom Segura]

Sometimes you're in public, you're like, there it is. Yes, there's a horrific haircut, but it's nice to have.

[Christina P.]

Well, hey, horrific to us, but fantastic to some. So this woman specializes in giving the menopausal angry chick haircut.

[Tom Segura]

I'll add this, too. And I realize that it's. There's some irony that's coming from a bald man.

[Christina P.]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

But so many times you see women. This is an extreme. I assume. I haven't looked yet. It's going to be an extreme. But you see a lot of women who you're like, you just need to go to a better hairdresser.

[Christina P.]

I, I, I think not even at that. Everybody needs to go to a better hairdresser.

[Tom Segura]

Like, you just see women who, you're like, you're a beautiful woman, but you, this is not good.

[Christina P.]

This is not the cut for me.

[Tom Segura]

And you know what? You end up finding out a lot. People are like, yeah, my, I like, my friend comes over.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Or like, I do it myself.

[Christina P.]

Never, never do it yourself.

[Tom Segura]

Like, and no one, none of their friends go, you're not good at this. You're not good at this.

[Christina P.]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

You should.

[Christina P.]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you should get a real one.

[Christina P.]

But I'm so stoked to finally find this one on Instagram and I just. Please play them, please.

[Tom Segura]

Here we go.

[Christina P.]

I'm Radonna from Boys Hairstyles Today. I have Anne Floyd here with me. Her haircut soon for Duper. Duper cute. Number four in the back. Number four in the back above the ears. And then that's where we're going to blend all this in and take that short.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

It looks great. So far. It's a four in the back, guys.

[Tom Segura]

She's got some, like, real production on her video.

[Christina P.]

Oh, I know. I'm telling you. And these chicks love it. Yeah, she's cutting it. Soup. So just so you know, high and tight in the back. Shoring up to the, up to the ears. Nice and spiky in the front. Oh, yeah, here she goes. I mean, that's a high and tight cut. Cleaning up the neckline. What does this do to your penis? Terrible. Terrible. Here she is. Before she's uncertain, and now she looks even worse.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P.]

Spiky cuts. It's like just, you know, it's like the total Karen. It's the Karen.

[Tom Segura]

Well, yeah, but she looks like Bob. She looks like a guy named Bob. That is. Yeah, that's a shut. It's a full. Shut it down.

[Christina P.]

It's a full. Shut it down. Well, what does it do to you sexually? Just tell me.

[Tom Segura]

What do you mean?

[Christina P.]

Would you still be able to even love me if I had this haircut?

[Tom Segura]

Thousand percent. No, that's it.

[Christina P.]

We're done.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, there's. I mean, I would just high five you and be like, let's watch the game.

[Christina P.]

What I like is that it's short.

[Tom Segura]

You wouldn't even get hugs. ABC, January 8th.

[Armie Hammer]

Tim Allen and Kat Dennings star in the new family comedy Shifting Gears.

[Christina P.]

Dad, I'm broke and I need a place to stay until I figure out what the rest of my life looks like.

[Tom Segura]

So a couple of days when his daughter moves back in. The last time you walked out that door, you looked back at me and.

[Christina P.]

Gave me a double bird.

[Armie Hammer]

I was 18.

[Christina P.]

The double bird was how I ended all our conversations.

[Tom Segura]

The wheels come off.

[Christina P.]

Can we try to talk to each.

[Armie Hammer]

Other like rational adults?

[Tom Segura]

If you watch the news lately, that's not a thing anymore.

[Armie Hammer]

Series premiere Wednesday, January 8th on ABC and stream on Hulu.

[Christina P.]

I know.

[Armie Hammer]

No.

[Christina P.]

Well, this. This is a haircut that's so spiky that anyone tries to hug you, it's like porcupine quills. Don't hug me.

[Tom Segura]

This is really bad.

[Christina P.]

It's super short on top. But then she leaves the bangs, which is kind of a sassy, fun look.

[Tom Segura]

I know this energy. I know this lady's look. You know what this is?

[Christina P.]

I know what it is.

[Tom Segura]

It's the lady who's been at. At the same public school for about 30 years.

[Christina P.]

School admissions.

[Tom Segura]

30 years. Yeah. Yeah. She has the admin job and then she's like Christina P. I remember when you were this big. And like she, you know, she's nice. She's a sweet lady, but it's full. Shut it down.

[Christina P.]

She's sweet. Or like she works in a non profit.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And she works for like a good company doing something good for humanity.

[Tom Segura]

Could be.

[Christina P.]

But she's heavy. Boys and girls, hairstyles today. I have.

[Tom Segura]

Well, also the lady giving the haircut has an insane hairstyle.

[Christina P.]

Of course. But that's the thing. That's. She's the Mecca. Short, spiky. Short and spiky. I'm just going to show you how.

[Armie Hammer]

We keep it shaped.

[Tom Segura]

The lady she's cutting looks really depressed.

[Christina P.]

There we go.

[Tom Segura]

That's her move, huh?

[Christina P.]

Yep. Short and spiky.

[Tom Segura]

She likes to do. No, but she does the under carriage.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Nice and trim.

[Christina P.]

Take it two, four. Here we go. Look at her.

[Tom Segura]

She's.

[Christina P.]

She's giving it. She looks good with it. The one giving it. And that's her. That's her style.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P.]

Oh, you gotta curl it under. So this is a variation on the shut it down.

[Tom Segura]

Holy shit. You're so sad in the before.

[Christina P.]

So this is like the midwestern version of shut it down.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's fully shut down, though.

[Christina P.]

This is like where it's higher in the back and then it angles down sharply and then. But she put some highlights into it. So she's still a woman. She hasn't completely. It's just. We're at the end of the Window.

[Tom Segura]

Is she.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, she's not totally shut down, but look at that. Look at that expression.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. She's looking in the mirror.

[Christina P.]

She's like, I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

Well, there's a man that's gonna see her walk in the door soon and be like, oh, God damn it.

[Christina P.]

Is it safe to assume that there's no man on earth that likes this haircut on a woman?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, of course. If it's a guy that, like, still has blood that goes into his penis, sure. No, this is like. It's very depressing. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

This haircut is dick repellent. It is literally broadcast.

[Tom Segura]

It's like when my mom got her. Oh, my God, lesbo cut.

[Christina P.]

This is the best.

[Tom Segura]

And my dad was like, oh.

[Christina P.]

Your.

[Tom Segura]

Mom looks like a. Oh.

[Christina P.]

Because the woman giving it to her was. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And she was like, I could not do anything. He's like, oh, God. He really.

[Christina P.]

It was. It was like, totally short and spiky.

[Tom Segura]

By the way, I had never seen him comment on that until that day. Like, you know, I. I like your hair. Like that kind of stuff. Why don't you do something? It was always like that. Yeah, why don't you do something with it? But that day. And he was like, what the.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

We went to Silver Lake Salon down the street. And we lived in a gay neighborhood at the time, and gayest neighborhood. The woman who cut your mother's hair was just a big, bold, butch lesbian.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And so she was thrilled. She was like, oh, great. Get my meat hooks on this one.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, man.

[Christina P.]

Hi, I'm Radon from Boys and Girls Hairstyles. Today I have Shelly. She's younger. Shelly's my sister in law and she has extra cute hair. Extra cute. Let's ruin it. Show off her haircut. Oh, no.

[Tom Segura]

And tight.

[Christina P.]

And she's young.

[Tom Segura]

And then when she finishes, she goes, and I promise there's not a man in the world that'll touch you. Mission accomplished.

[Christina P.]

And the razor cut. Just a lot of product.

[Tom Segura]

Even the song is horrible.

[Christina P.]

Horrible.

[Tom Segura]

It's all bad.

[Christina P.]

You gotta curl it under in the back. I'm gonna send this to Alan. Make sure he does this for me next. Next time.

[Tom Segura]

I want to see what he thinks about it. He's probably like, some people like that. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Oh, Tucked behind the ears and the high bob in the back. Oh.

[Tom Segura]

Oh.

[Christina P.]

I had this haircut and I'm. I'm. I shouldn't throw stones.

[Tom Segura]

It has strong. I'd like to speak to the man.

[Christina P.]

You know, I had this haircut in, like, 92 in charge here.

[Tom Segura]

I'd like to speak to somebody in charge.

[Christina P.]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, she has a really. She's a pretty woman.

[Christina P.]

Cute.

[Tom Segura]

She's cute.

[Christina P.]

And this is the Vidal Sassoon.

[Tom Segura]

Can I not watch the other ones?

[Christina P.]

Yeah, enough. Yeah, but see, what it. She looks cute. Hers is good.

[Tom Segura]

Hers is. Yeah, it's fine. It's fine. Just get this out of your head.

[Christina P.]

The music is terrible.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah. It's really bad. I'm. I'm upset that you found this.

[Christina P.]

That's the point.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

There you go.

[Tom Segura]

You know that.

[Christina P.]

All better now.

[Tom Segura]

My. My nose.

[Christina P.]

Right, Your nose.

[Tom Segura]

My nose. And doesn't know John Amos. Did you got the surprise?

[Christina P.]

Oh, look at my artwork behind you.

[Armie Hammer]

Hey, Tom.

[Tom Segura]

This is from another guy with a big nose.

[Christina P.]

That's me.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I hope you can get past this big nose business. The bigger your nose is, the easier it is for you to breathe.

[Christina P.]

That's true.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

An advantage.

[Tom Segura]

Not. He's like, you know, he just passed away. He's an iconic actor. Really incredible talent. Somebody posted like an in memoriam post, I think, on Facebook. You want to read it?

[Christina P.]

Rip to a legend. John Amos. Remember, I put this on you so good this day. You could barely move.

[Tom Segura]

That's what that woman posted. Mariah Cobb.

[Christina P.]

I know, but can I tell you something?

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Christina P.]

Isn't that what guys really want?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. 100%. Yeah, but I mean, I'm going to.

[Christina P.]

Do this for you.

[Tom Segura]

But to. But to. To post it is insane insanity.

[Christina P.]

Facebook, too. Yeah, yeah. No, that's like the mom place for sure.

[Tom Segura]

Somebody hit her up. A friend was like, yo, Mariah, what are you doing? And she's just like, what? I remember. It was crazy.

[Christina P.]

Rip, Rip. Rest in this.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And then she did the emojis. Crying.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And the screaming.

[Christina P.]

Just remembering my. On you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And I'm crying.

[Tom Segura]

I remember how hard you nutted this day. Jesus. That's the post.

[Christina P.]

I know. And look, she has to. She's cute, too, in her bikini. She knows what she's doing because she's. She's advertising to the other fellas.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Look at. Look at me. Look at me and see this guy here? Oh, my God. You don't understand what I did.

[Christina P.]

I killed him with my. They can kill you, too, guys. Women are so smart. She knows what she's doing, Mariah.

[Tom Segura]

Pretty awesome, man.

[Christina P.]

She know what you do, by the way. When John Amos was talking, it was like mirror, mirror, the two of you. I was so distracted. It is growing longer and wider. Your nostrils are so Big.

[Tom Segura]

What are you talking about?

[Christina P.]

I'm telling you the truth. I love you. I'm the only one that's going to tell you this stuff. I'm your wife. I have to tell you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I know. Okay.

[Christina P.]

You would tell me if I look up, right?

[Tom Segura]

So I look up.

[Christina P.]

Look at your drawing. Wait. But you will tell me, right? Hey, babe, Will you tell me if I get a bad haircut and you're like, I hate that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

You swear?

[Tom Segura]

If it's a haircut like that, yeah.

[Christina P.]

Would you tell me if I got, like, really fat or. I kind of feel like. I know already.

[Tom Segura]

Kind of weird. That's a weird one.

[Christina P.]

I know, but I mean, I got fed after I had babies, obviously. You were nice about it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. There's a weird thing that with women, you got to be like, really? You guys are not. You're not built like us? Like, not just. No, I mean, like, guys can say to each other and. And people can say stuff to men. That's real. And guys are like, yeah, you know what? You're right. I gotta get my. Together. And women are just weak. So you say something. Women are fragile. And here's the. They're also. You're. No, no, they're stupid. Well, here's the thing. There's a lot of truth to that. Women are. Women are weaker and dumber than men. So you have to kind of handle women like you would a child. So what I'm saying is.

[Christina P.]

Weaker and dumb or emotionally. Emotionally intelligent.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, Women. In a lot of ways, you could just say women are pathetic. And so when you. When you have to speak honestly, you have to talk to a woman like you would a child. And so I think I would tell you. But I would tell you in a child.

[Christina P.]

How would you. Then how would you tell me?

[Tom Segura]

Hey, you know, sugar and some. A lot. A lot of carbs, they actually aren't that good for you. Don't. Unless you're going to expend a lot of energy. I think I might get into some tuna, you know, something like that. Or like, you know, hey, your face, it's. It's really. It's changing. And maybe something you could do is visit a doctor.

[Christina P.]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

Something like that.

[Christina P.]

I hate, you know, so much.

[Tom Segura]

But it's not. It's not your fault. It's really just being a woman.

[Christina P.]

Okay, thank you. Bye now.

[Tom Segura]

So we're gonna take a quick break. Happy New Year. And we'll be right back. And we're back. And joining us is the host of the New Armie Hammer Time podcast. It's Armie Hammer, everybody.

[Armie Hammer]

I think that's actually the first time I've ever been introduced as a podcast host.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Armie Hammer]

I'm here for it.

[Tom Segura]

Hey man, you have a podcast now.

[Armie Hammer]

It's true.

[Tom Segura]

What's the podcast like, dude?

[Armie Hammer]

I mean, well, it's hilarious because it's me and my buddy Jerry and we shoot it in the living room slash office slash bedroom slash closet of my tiny ass apartment. And we just bring in cameras. And you know, when we first started, we were using construction lights.

[Tom Segura]

That's the way to start a podcast.

[Armie Hammer]

Strapping it.

[Tom Segura]

That's the way to start a podcast. And you guys have guests?

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah, yeah. I mean we, we kind of had to start with people that I know as guests because reaching out and being like, hey, the cannibal guy wants you to be on their podcast. It's kind of a hard sell. So it was like, this is my best friend and this is my attorney and like it's kind of started. And my mother. Two episodes.

[Tom Segura]

How was two episodes with mom?

[Armie Hammer]

You know, I guess the whole reason I'm doing this podcast is like basically I'm just trying to lean into the shit that makes me uncomfortable. Right. Like I want to have uncomfortable conversations and I couldn't imagine a more uncomfortable conversation to have on air than with my mother.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

You know, so it was, it was intense. It was intense, but it was cathartic in a way. And then it went really well and she was happy and then, then it's. It's complicated.

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Armie Hammer]

Like all kind of mother son relationship.

[Christina P.]

I have to tell you, I watched it. I watched it just to see it because I was listening and I'm like, I have to see these two.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And your mother is a very beautiful, blonde, demure woman. And you guys have, you have like a really balls out conversation about your childhood.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And you're. What was really sweet about army is that I can tell you've been in a lot of therapy and you're trying not to judge her. And it's so hard when you become a parent to not judge your parents. Actually even harder. Cuz now I hate my parents after.

[Armie Hammer]

Listen, I also am well aware that my daughter and son are going to get to a certain point where they then do therapy and then they go, I hate my dad too. And I'm like, I'm trying here, you know, But I tell you what was really important for me is someone once told me, they said, you know, that your parents don't have tools that they're not using. Right?

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

And I said, what do you mean? They said, they're using every tool in their toolbox. They're using every trick in their arsenal. So when anything falls short, it's not because they know they can do better and they're not. They're honestly just doing the best that they can.

[Tom Segura]

It's a really good perspective because I remember thinking that, like, about my own parents and being like, fucking morons, you know?

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then you kind of, like, you kind of realize there's this point in your life where you realize that there's a. There's the thing where it's just two people like you. When you're a kid, you, like. You think your parents are, like, special people.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Put on earth.

[Armie Hammer]

They're adults. They must.

[Christina P.]

Magical.

[Tom Segura]

And then you kind of go like, oh, it's just two random people that met. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, yeah, the kids. And like, they're.

[Armie Hammer]

They were irresponsible enough to get pregnant. How are they responsible enough to raise children?

[Tom Segura]

What do you. What? I saw your look. What is this all about?

[Christina P.]

Did you guys hear it? Did you hear it?

[Armie Hammer]

I don't think so.

[Christina P.]

Wait, he choked again.

[Tom Segura]

He choked, right? Yeah. You heard it.

[Armie Hammer]

Do you need water?

[Christina P.]

Did you hear it?

[Armie Hammer]

I missed it.

[Christina P.]

He was, like, in the Maras.

[Tom Segura]

Ah, that's a dramatic. Why are you being so dramatic?

[Christina P.]

Because this is the third time now that you've choked, and I think you're having a stroke. We should get you to the doctor.

[Tom Segura]

People don't like you.

[Armie Hammer]

Does it smell like almonds?

[Christina P.]

Are you turning into Larry King?

[Tom Segura]

No, I'm just saying that people don't like chocolate. People don't like you in general.

[Christina P.]

No, that's not true. I'm very popular, aren't I? Better, like, just. You don't know me, but, yeah, we just met.

[Armie Hammer]

It's too early for me to make a judgment.

[Christina P.]

But don't you feel like I'm way more fun and stuff and, like, just, like, vibe, or I'm a better vibe.

[Armie Hammer]

Anyway, I refuse to be put on the spot like this. I'm now going to drink my coffee.

[Tom Segura]

Let's also, I mean, like you said, you like uncomfortable conversations or want to have them just for people that don't know y. Like, you're. Well, your whole family background is one thing, but you're obviously a working actor. Career's going. And then you were canceled. You're one of the people that's been canceled.

[Armie Hammer]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Because of allegations from people that you dated and that said that you were. I mean, among other things, accountable.

[Armie Hammer]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

And they were like, this guy wanted to eat me.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And everybody, I think, myself included, I was like, holy, this is crazy.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I was like, yeah, this. I mean, you're not portrayed as a great guy in these stories.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Right. And then, like, this. Some of this just from memory, too, like that you moved. I didn't realize you had spent time as a kid in the Cayman Islands, because I read that you had then moved to the Cayman Islands after all this stuff.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And we're getting into doing real estate and. And time shares. Time shares.

[Armie Hammer]

Time shares.

[Tom Segura]

You really were selling time shares.

[Armie Hammer]

I was selling timeshares and then. And loving it, really. Oh, my God, the timeshare world is wild.

[Tom Segura]

Wasn't there something. And I'm sure there's a. There's many layers to this.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Is there something as awful as a cancellation going through that I imagine it's emotionally very hard to go through?

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah. I don't recommend it.

[Tom Segura]

That as. As you're kind of like, this is reality now. There's something freeing to, like. You know what I mean? To like being like, oh, this. I'm just. This now.

[Armie Hammer]

Oh, man, I have so much to say about this. Yeah. So it was a wild time where Covid was going on. People were locked in their apartment. People were miserable. Like, there was all this shit going on. The world seemed like it was falling apart, and people just deeply unhappy with their own lives. And then this salacious story comes around where this actor wants to murder and eat people.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

And all of a sudden, everyone's like, oh, this is so much more fun to focus on than the fact that I can't leave my living room, you know? And everyone was just like, let's dogpile on this story. And then stories kept coming out and kept coming out and kept coming out. And it's this, too. There's a clip of you guys talking where you say, tom said to me when we first started dating that he wanted to smash my head open and eat my brains or whatever it is. And you say, no, that's not what I said. All I said is, I love you so much, I want to smash your head into the dresser.

[Tom Segura]

Yes, that's true.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

And I saw that, and I was like, these are my people.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

Like, these are my people. Well, but by the way, now imagine if you guys broke up and Christina took her part of that conversation out and only released. Tom said he wanted to smash my head into a dresser and set it With a straight face, everyone would go, he's obviously a domestic abuser.

[Tom Segura]

I got to say, man, I fucking like you. I think. No, I think it like, I. Most of our intimate conversations involve things that are extremely offensive. Sure. You know about all types of things. I mean, if there was a printed document of this, it would not bode.

[Armie Hammer]

Well for there's a printed document and someone else was reading it in their voice. It just looks like the worst thing.

[Tom Segura]

But so is your kind of position on this though? Because I, I, that analogy makes a lot of sense to me that, you know, you get into a relationship, you are whatever, you like this woman, you're attracted to her, and then part of it is like how you express, you know, these things in like, in a non traditional way. And then some of it is an arousing kink, fulfilling thing of like, you know, people have different kinks. And like, so yours were like some of this body branding or like, like.

[Christina P.]

That'S just stuff that likes tying up. You like the ties?

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah. And like, I, I like the idea. It's a control that you are so completely mine. Yeah, I can do whatever I want. And you love it because you know you're mine. And like this possession kind of thing, like, that's just fun to talk about. So you, by the way, especially if you're like drunk or stoned or high at night and you're texting and while you're saying it, you're like chuckling to yourself like, I'm gonna cut your toe off and keep it in my pocket. So I got a piece of you. Everywhere I go.

[Tom Segura]

I think I've actually said, said that of course.

[Armie Hammer]

And then it gets read like in the court of public opinion and everyone goes, you're insane.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

And you go, well, yeah, a little bit. I mean, if I was normal, I would have a job that had a, like a 401k or like.

[Tom Segura]

So a lot of this is role play, what you're saying. Sure, for sure, for sure.

[Armie Hammer]

Now by the way, like, if, if anyone took anyone's bedroom conversations specifically, like, if people were having a little bit of sexy time and they took the shit that they said, even if it was completely vanilla and you read that somewhere else out of context, everyone's going to go, you guys are fucking disgusting.

[Tom Segura]

So then would you like, were you like, I'm losing, am I losing my fucking mind here? As this was happening, like, I think.

[Armie Hammer]

I was more just in full panic mode because I mean, to get a little bit serious here, there was this sort of like, there was the mask that I didn't really identify with, but everyone thought was me, that that became sort of like my safety net and identity. And then when that gets shattered and everyone goes, we no longer like this guy. We hate him.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Which is rough.

[Armie Hammer]

Which is rough. I mean, dude, there would be articles in like the Punjabi Times about how I was a cannibal and all that stuff. And I think, I think In March of 2021, like, I was the like fifth most searched person on Google in the world. And all of it was negative.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

So when before that I had used any of that public attention as a sort of sense of validation for myself because I didn't know how to give it to my. Yeah, I was feeding off of that, like a psychic vampire. And then all that goes away and all of a sudden you're just left standing there naked in front of the world with all of your proclivities or kinks being judged by the world. Like, that is tough.

[Tom Segura]

How has, like, I mean, there's so many ways to go with this, but like, how has. Did. Did going through that affect the fact that you like some? Like, does. Did it shock those things out of you? You know what I mean? Like the bondage or, or owner. Like, are you like, I'm not even interested in that anymore. Does it like, slowly.

[Armie Hammer]

I mean, there was definitely an aspect of your sexuality being weaponized against you.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Armie Hammer]

Makes it really hard for you to feel safe to engage in your own sexuality.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, for sure.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah, for sure.

[Christina P.]

You know, I will say one thing because I watched the documentary and you know, sorry, I had to. But I will say, I don't think you were hiding these proclivities from people that were sharing these direct messages with you. It wasn't like you were being coy and shy. You're like, hey, this is what I'm into. This is what we're gonna do. Cool.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And then, you know, some chick, instead of being like, no, I don't really, they like heart a message or something and I'm like, well, that doesn't really send a clear message.

[Armie Hammer]

I mean, it goes to. It goes to sort of like the conversations that need to happen around consent where if it's not a hell yes, it's a fuck no kind of thing. But also I had a conversation with a guy who's a very well known sex therapist and he sort of broke down the idea of conditional consent to me, where it's like, I say, hey, this is what I'm into. I want to do This, I want to do this. I want to. This. Are you good with that? And they go, yes. But what they're not finishing with their mouth is I'm saying yes because I think I'm going to get to be with this person. I'm going to get to live this world. I'm going to get to this. I'm going to get to that. I can change his mind about wanting to sleep with other people. All of these conditions. I'm saying yes, thinking that I can get all of these things. And then when they don't get all of those things, it's very easy to revoke conditional consent.

[Tom Segura]

So it's almost like it just needs to be a more expensive.

[Armie Hammer]

I also want to want to say that, like, I was playing pretty fast and loose and I was. I was being a selfish asshole. Like, for sure, I was using people to make me feel better. People were my bags of dope with skin on it. Like, having that, having people want to have sex with me, having sex with people, doing all that stuff. Like, it gave me a sense of power. It gave me a sense of validation. So what I would do is I would scoop these girls up, take them on a whirlwind month and a half. Road trips. Trips, whatever. Like, we're going to do all these things. We're going to have great sex. Everything's going to be awesome. And then at the end of it, I'm going to go, hey, good job. Go, team. And then I'm going to bounce and go do it with someone else and leave this person feeling like, wait, I just was sucked into this tornado of a world and felt like, this is my place now. And then dropped. And now I don't know what the is going on.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Armie Hammer]

My last month and a half is gone. My time was stolen, My energy was stolen, and now I'm pissed.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And I'm emotionally drained. Yeah. And so in.

[Armie Hammer]

And that's. That's a shitty position.

[Tom Segura]

It sucks. I'm sure it sucks. And then. And then you. I mean, now, like, obviously you have, like, the. The perspective and the way you can look at this and be aware of it.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But does it make you go, like, obviously, maybe repent for that and then just not want to be that person who does that again?

[Armie Hammer]

I mean, there are aspects of my behavior that I think were coming from maybe not the healthiest place. And then there were aspects of my behavior. Now I'm choking. There are aspects of my behavior. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

But that was subtle, demure, classy.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah. Then there are aspects of my behavior that were just expressions of my own sexuality.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

So I had to sort of like comb through all of that and figure out what's coming from the right place. What's coming from a trauma place. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Your upbringing, too. Because I watched a number of things when the story broke. There was coverage of it, then some documentary like you come from. It's not a typical family or upbringing.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know, it's like a. You come from like a tycoon elite. Elite family, which I think everybody. Most people fantasize. They go, fucking, I wish I had that.

[Armie Hammer]

You know, it's overrated.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Because they just, you know, they see the palatial estate and the family put together, and you guys are traveling in ways that people can only dream of and. But they don't see the inner workings of a family.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Because for people that don't know. It was your grandfather, right? That was great grandfather. Your great grandfather.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That was an oil tycoon.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I mean, I just. I've had, like, close proximity to a family like yours.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And it. It gets real twisted when you're up close.

[Armie Hammer]

For sure.

[Tom Segura]

Because I think it's an. What the reality is, is that it's unnatural.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

To have that. In other words, like, to have an extraordinary wealth or extraordinary power is just not the norm. It's just not normal.

[Armie Hammer]

Well, it's like humans evolve really slowly. Right. So for 300,000 years of homo sapien history, you were well off. If you're like, we fucking harvested enough grain to get us through the winter.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

And then that agrarian culture is, like, just ending, really on the timeline of humanity. So now you have people who have amassed insane amounts of wealth. And it's kind of like what, you know, Biggie was talking about, where he's like, mo money, mo problems, and now mo money, mo access and like, mo money, mo whatever you want to do, you can do it. And I don't think human beings are built for that.

[Tom Segura]

They're not built for that. Yeah, I think you're right. And I think that, like, the. There's this other thing where when you're really wealthy or really powerful, you get to navigate life not just with access, but with like. Yeah, we don't do that. In other words, a family might have. We have dinner together or, you know, I mean, like, we. We do these traditional things. It's like, it's seen as the norm. People who have extraordinary wealth or power just go. None of these things apply to us. We do things our own way. And the thing is, no one's ever going to say something to you.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Because they're scared to.

[Armie Hammer]

Well, it's. It's. It's interesting, right, because they say behind every great fortune is a great crime.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

And then also, you know, the people who make that much money typically are very good at making the money and they're very bad at raising a family. So it's like they're not around. There's always nannies or someone else raising your kid who neglect even care. That kid goes, where's my dad? And the kids. And the dad goes, you're going to the best schools in the world. And you're driven to school in a Rolls Royce. There you go. There I am. And the kid goes, I just want to be fucking loved.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

You know, and I. And that. Then all of a sudden, that warps the next link in the chain. Who then is the kind of parent that that kind of person would be. And that warps the next person, and then that warps the next person, and there's this kind of domino effect.

[Tom Segura]

What was like the, like, people, not a lot of times, don't even. Can't even imagine things. What was like something of gross excess that you saw of, like, the result of having extraordinary wealth or power that.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You didn't even realize maybe, was. Was that at the time. And then you're later on, you're like, holy. That was crazy.

[Armie Hammer]

You know, I. I think one thing that my dad did that was very smart is he married someone who was not like that at all. You know, my mom grew up the. The daughter of a guy who grew up in Oklahoma during the Dust bowl, who was like, so poor poor that he got like a nickel a week and he had to get a haircut out of it. He had to get, like, whatever he could out of it, like, that kind of thing. So my mom was never. My mom just didn't let that fly.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

Like, my mom was the kind of mom where if we were driving in the car and the AC was on and you rolled down your window, she's like, hey, the AC is on. Pull the window back up. And you're like, oh, okay. So, like, lights weren't allowed to be left on in the house, like, that kind of thing. So I think my mom brought that to it. So I never really saw. I mean, look, I saw my dad living large. You know, he was buying cars all the time. He was a big kid, right. So he liked toys. He wanted to buy cars all the time. He wanted to go Race cars. He wanted to do all like that stuff.

[Christina P.]

No. Eh. Wow, that's weird.

[Tom Segura]

Let's talk about something else.

[Armie Hammer]

What did I walk into here? He's Mr.

[Christina P.]

Car Guy.

[Armie Hammer]

Careful, he's gonna smash your head into a dresser. By the way, also with the smashing the head thing into a dresser, we.

[Christina P.]

Have other questions too. I know, I know. I want to put first and then I write down.

[Armie Hammer]

If you say, I love you so much, I want to smash your head into a dresser. That's cute. If you say, I'm so angry at you, I want to smash your head into a dresser. Very different.

[Tom Segura]

It's very different.

[Armie Hammer]

Very different.

[Tom Segura]

But she also has pointed out to me multiple times that she goes, when you said that to me, I should have run. She goes, it was.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. That's a huge red flag.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Sorry. I mean it. It kind of was a.

[Armie Hammer]

But by the way, she stayed. That's a red flag.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you.

[Armie Hammer]

I mean, this is a two way street.

[Christina P.]

Two peas in a pie. Yeah, we are. And no, it's been fantastic. Thank God. I'm going to ask you about some things you have said and I'm just curious. Did you really eat a pig's heart? Hunting. I heard that. That's a hunting.

[Armie Hammer]

That's disgusting. No, it was a deer.

[Christina P.]

Oh, dear.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Which is. It's not that it's a normal hunting tradition.

[Armie Hammer]

I mean, I grew up in Texas for most of my life. Like, I have a lot of friends who hunt and we go shooting.

[Tom Segura]

Especially someone's first kill.

[Armie Hammer]

Your first. This is what I was just saying because I was just asked this on the other podcast and they go, you ate an animal's heart. And I was like, yeah, but that's like hunting tradition. When you take someone for their first kill, they take a bite of the heart. He goes, but you ate it. And I go, I mean, you're not sitting there eating the whole heart, but it's like, hey, this is your animal. You killed your first animal. Here you go. But he was British and I think they just have a very different culture about that kind of thing.

[Tom Segura]

He was really rough on you, huh?

[Armie Hammer]

Super rough. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Wait, what did you.

[Armie Hammer]

Not my kind of person.

[Christina P.]

No. Did you take a bite out of it like an apple? What's it like?

[Armie Hammer]

It's hard to get through. I mean, it was. It was a big. It was a big axis deer. So it was like a. I mean, it was a heart almost the size of like a rugby ball.

[Christina P.]

Oh.

[Armie Hammer]

And like it was heavy and it tasted like iron and it was Very tough to get through.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, that's kind of cool. Okay. Carving initials.

[Armie Hammer]

I mean, carving, scraping, whatever. Like, it's the same thing as, like, getting tattoos of your partner's initials or whatever.

[Christina P.]

I was gonna say to you, army, is that what you needed to do was just date a goth chick?

[Armie Hammer]

I know. I really missed my chance there because.

[Christina P.]

I know, for real, though, like, in high school, this is what goths were doing.

[Armie Hammer]

100.

[Christina P.]

Like, this is not a big deal.

[Armie Hammer]

But this goes back to exactly what my problem was. It's like, it's not that what I was doing, per se, was like, the worst thing in the world to try to do it. I was just doing it with the wrong people.

[Christina P.]

Square you with fucking normies, dude.

[Armie Hammer]

I was with normies, nerds, vanillas.

[Christina P.]

And yeah, you need to get with, like, the goth chicks that are into it.

[Armie Hammer]

I know. Sometimes I've got a vape in my pocket. Sometimes these make me hiccup. How many milligrams of these?

[Tom Segura]

Six.

[Armie Hammer]

It. Whoa.

[Christina P.]

You're Texas now, son.

[Armie Hammer]

That's very minty. I like that.

[Christina P.]

There you go. I think that's all I had.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Because I don't think it's that big of a.

[Tom Segura]

So what else are you into besides eating people? Like, have you found.

[Armie Hammer]

I mean, that takes up most of my time. It's a pretty time consuming thing. Especially people are big, you know, It's a lot of meat to go through. I have a question.

[Christina P.]

The. The type of rope tying you're into. Very specific. No, like, you have to really learn.

[Tom Segura]

How do you learn? That's something. Because, like, when you see. I'll tell you, when I see that, I'm like, oh, that's fucking cool. I'd like.

[Armie Hammer]

It's beautiful, isn't it?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

But there's something about a real skill to it, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. Because if you do it wrong, you can really hurt someone. Like, if you. If you put it too tight around the wrist, there's a lot of nerve endings there. You can end up, like, hurting somebody's, like, nerves. Like, you got to know what you're doing. So it's like. It's not something you just jump into.

[Tom Segura]

But do you go to an experienced person to teach you? Like, I have.

[Armie Hammer]

I've talked. I've talked to people. I mean, now at this point, like, I don't talk to anybody about it. I don't talk to anybody about any of my shit. I'm just like, this is not a safe place for me to experiment or whatever.

[Tom Segura]

So when you're first doing it, though.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Are you just experimenting yourself? Are you actually with someone who knows?

[Armie Hammer]

No, I bought a mannequin.

[Tom Segura]

You did?

[Armie Hammer]

From, like, a really good store. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But did you read up on the.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah, there's books and YouTube videos and.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Let's get some ropes.

[Christina P.]

It does look beautiful, actually, in the documentary.

[Tom Segura]

The idea that's really.

[Armie Hammer]

Is like. So it comes out of. It comes out of, like, a Japanese martial art form where the police would carry ropes and they had to subdue criminals.

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Armie Hammer]

And so, like, they had to get very fast at doing this and then that kind of. I guess there was, like, some Japanese lady back then who watched a criminal get tied up and was like, I mean. I mean, like, sign me up.

[Tom Segura]

I'm going to tie you up and leave you fucking suspended.

[Christina P.]

I'm such a.

[Tom Segura]

Until you.

[Christina P.]

Boring.

[Tom Segura]

Kind of. Correct.

[Christina P.]

No, I'm so boring. But.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Christina P.]

Was I going to say. Yeah, it's pretty.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that's what I want to do to her. That's what I want to do. I mean, that's what I want to do.

[Armie Hammer]

That requires a level of flexibility that I am nowhere near.

[Tom Segura]

Now, here's. Wait, I got to ask you this, though, because this. Okay. Not to say that you're on the same level.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But, like, when somebody is like, a killer.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Serial killer, even.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

There's. Even though most of the world goes, you're the fucking worst thing ever.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

There's always. There's always women who are like, yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Hey, what's up?

[Armie Hammer]

Didn't. I think. Didn't, like, Ted Bundy get married when he was in prison? Didn't Charles Manson get married, like, five.

[Tom Segura]

Times and they all get love letters? Yeah, Sometimes. Sometimes conjugal is.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

During their trials. You'll see, like, what are you here for? And they're like, I just think he's great. And they just show up.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So the flip side of you being publicly shamed and. And canceled.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

There has to be women that have been like, please. Like, yeah, right. Oh, how do you manage that?

[Armie Hammer]

I had to get rid of my social media for a long time and give, like, a guy my password. Because when all this came up, my DM inbox was wild.

[Tom Segura]

They're like, cut me up, eat me 100.

[Christina P.]

The chicks you should have been taking.

[Armie Hammer]

I. But also, like, I thought about that, and then I was like, maybe. Yeah, maybe this is onto something. But then I was like, okay, hold on. But also, like, have I learned nothing from, like, trusting strangers? And then also Is someone who sends a complete stranger a picture of, like, them shoving something into their ass.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

I'm like, I know. Yes, yes. But is this a balanced, healthy person?

[Tom Segura]

True.

[Armie Hammer]

You know?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

She's at least cool.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, she's down.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

Am I balanced and healthy? I'm trying, but not really.

[Tom Segura]

Have you developed a pretty good gauge for, like, here's someone that I can pursue?

[Armie Hammer]

No, my picker is terrible. Like, my picker is broken.

[Tom Segura]

What do you do?

[Armie Hammer]

I'm like. I'm basically like an escort now, where I'm like, if you come to me, you better have references. And I'm going to make sure that you're not going to kill me publicly.

[Tom Segura]

So you don't. You will not engage with, like, a total stranger with, like. You're not really gonna.

[Armie Hammer]

No, no.

[Christina P.]

Good army. Because this is. This made me so upset. It made me feel sympathetic towards you during this whole debacle is. How do I say this? The DMS on Instagram to. To you. You're so trusting. I should say.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

These people. And I was like, oh. Like, doesn't he know? Don't do that. Because even in our. In our world, we were like, fans will write you like a dm. Like an innocent. Like, hi, Mommy, I love you. And I'll be like, I love you, too. Thank you. And then they'll screen grab it and put it as a story.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And I'm like, oh, that was. That was supposed. Feels like a violation, even though I said nothing.

[Armie Hammer]

Well, it goes to, like, a really interesting thing of, like, once you have any sort of, like, public stage, you're no longer a person to these people. You're a commodity, and that's why you have people coming up to you in public. And I'm sure you guys see this all the fucking time, where they walk up already, phone in hand, and just go, can I get a picture? And they do that. And it's not, hey, I just want to let you know I really love your show, or, hey, I just want to let you know you said something that was, like, really important. My name is Thomas. It's great to meet you. It's always, let me get a picture.

[Tom Segura]

Boom.

[Armie Hammer]

And then they're like, okay, bye. And then immediately, like, look at what I have. And it turns you from a human being into a commodity, which is, like, one of the weird things about this whole public business.

[Christina P.]

But I'm saying, like, Snapchat, bro.

[Armie Hammer]

Like, I mean, I.

[Christina P.]

What happened?

[Armie Hammer]

I was snapping. I was snapping.

[Christina P.]

Okay, okay.

[Armie Hammer]

I was Snapping the best of them.

[Christina P.]

Were you? So, like, was it. This might be a stupid question.

[Armie Hammer]

I think Snapchat, you can still.

[Christina P.]

You can still. You can still get with on Snapchat.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

You're gonna get, like, if you're dealing with these people, you're gonna get.

[Christina P.]

It's not a matter of thinking of, like, it. It's out there. I don't care. I'm gonna blow it up. If I get caught, I get caught.

[Armie Hammer]

I think I. I think somewhere deep down, subconsciously, I wanted to get caught. I think that I so did not relate to the image of me that was out there in the public of sort of like this. Like, look at them. They're like the Ralph Lauren family. They've got the perfect life and the perfect house and the perfect kids and like, oh, this shit. Like, I was like, I feel like a alien walking around most of the time. Like, I don't feel like a human, I feel like a creature.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

And I have king creature tattooed on my ass that I got at a pool party. So I was drunk and someone was like, you want a stick and poke tattoo? And I was like, that's the best idea I've ever heard. Fucking, here's my ass. And because, like, the thinking of it was like, I don't feel like a human, I feel like a creature. So if I'm going to be a creature, I'm going to be the king of creatures. So I'm just going to lean into this. And so I would like things on my Twitter. I would like rope bondage pictures and shit like that.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, it's like your signal to it.

[Armie Hammer]

I was like. It was like I was dog whistling.

[Tom Segura]

Yes, if you will.

[Armie Hammer]

And wanting, I think, to get caught. And then people would be like, I don't think he knows his Twitter likes are public. And I'd see that and I'd be like, oh, I know. Yeah, I know. And it was just. It was silly. It was silly.

[Christina P.]

So it was a way to get out from under this public Persona?

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah, I think so. I think it was a way to try to feel seen, like, truly sane.

[Christina P.]

Besides, like, yeah, yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

I'm not this guy that you think I am. I don't feel like that guy guy. And I don't like carrying the burden of having to be that guy.

[Christina P.]

Well, I was going to say, is. Is this like, why now? That's always the question. Like, you know, you had successfully gotten away from this stuff, right? And you went away to the Cayman Islands, you came back to la and now you're coming out in public again. So why now? Like, what?

[Armie Hammer]

I think because I'm doing it on my terms, and I'm doing it authentically as myself. And that's one of the scary things about doing this, and one of the scary things about having the podcast is, like, being sort of vulnerable in a public way. Especially having gone through what I went through where, like, all this shit was weaponized against me is really fucking scary. But I'm leaning into it because I know that the things generally that make me feel afraid are the things that I got to go towards in order to grow. And so that's why I want to have these conversations with my mom. I want to have these conversations with people who, like, I even have people on there who are like, I don't like you. And, like, I was afraid to talk to you because I think X, Y, and Z about you. And I go, okay, I get that. Let's talk. And, like, I want to have those conversations because it makes me feel uncomfortable, and I think that that's the sweet spot.

[Tom Segura]

That is. That is the sweet spot. Most people avoid uncomfortable conversations.

[Christina P.]

I was going to say, if you leave this show not feeling like you've said too much, your family's gonna hate you. Everything is terrible. It wasn't a good show.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

You should feel ashamed, weird, anxious, like, God, what did I say? I'm such an idiot. And then you're like, but no one.

[Armie Hammer]

And I think that's the conditioning part of it. It's like you walk away from it going, oh, God. Oh, God. Oh, God.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

And then nothing happens.

[Tom Segura]

Nothing. Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

And you go, oh, I was just being crazy again, you know?

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Well, let's talk about what's really important, which is acting.

[Armie Hammer]

So, I mean, the most important.

[Tom Segura]

The most important thing.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You're a great actor. We've seen you in a bunch of things. First, I just want to ask this because I'm always fascinated by great directors, so I have to ask, what is it like to work with Fincher?

[Armie Hammer]

Scary.

[Tom Segura]

Really.

[Armie Hammer]

Very scary.

[Tom Segura]

I've seen clips of, you know, those, like, BTS clips.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Of him. And there is the shots of the way people ask the. Asking him questions. You know, just like, people, it. There's like an intimidation factor.

[Armie Hammer]

Million percent, because he knows how to do every single person's job better than they do. And if you are doing your job well, he doesn't talk to you or he ignores you because he's like, you're doing your job. That's what you're here for. Go do your job. And if you up, he's gonna whip his head over and look at you and you want to die.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah. I mean, he's. He's probably one of the smartest people that I've ever worked with.

[Tom Segura]

But what about as an actor? So, like, you're.

[Armie Hammer]

I've never seen him act.

[Tom Segura]

No. No. But like, when you're, like, you know, getting ready to do, like, you're obviously focused on the scene itself and your preparation for it, and here's what we're going to do.

[Armie Hammer]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

Does he engage you?

[Armie Hammer]

Very little.

[Tom Segura]

Very little.

[Armie Hammer]

Because it's that same philosophy.

[Tom Segura]

You should be ready to go.

[Armie Hammer]

I've hired you to do this job. I don't want to do the job for you. So show up and do your job.

[Tom Segura]

And if somebody, as an actor isn't doing what he wants, then he. He switches on them.

[Armie Hammer]

He'll just. It's. It's more psychological warfare.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

Like, he'll just go, cut, do it again. Cut. Do it again. Cut. Do it again. Cut. Do it again for. I've seen him do that up to 140 times. What, in, like, go again. Go again.

[Tom Segura]

Figure it out.

[Armie Hammer]

Go again. Yeah, I think. I think during the Social Network, I only remember him ever giving me one note during the entire film. And it was. It was like a scene where we were talking to our dad about how Mark Zuckerberg has stolen Facebook or whatever it was. I don't remember exactly. But he also moves on set like a shark. Like, he just. He doesn't really blink, and he just looks at everything, and he's taking in 10,000 things at once. And he just walked up to me like this and stared at me and then stood next to me kind of shoulder to shoulder, and didn't look at me and just went incredulity and then. And then floated away. And I was like, I don't know what that means, but I'm too afraid to ask. So, okay, let's try it again. And I did the scene, and he just goes, cut, do it again. And I was like. And then. But then this is the thing, is he's so precise about everything he does, that if he does 147 takes of it, on the 147th take, he'll go, cut, print. Oh, keep that one. Delete everything else. Let's go. And then walks away. He keeps one take.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he'll just keep going until he gets exactly what he wants. And when he gets it, he says, keep that. Erase everything else.

[Tom Segura]

He says that?

[Armie Hammer]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

Delete everything else.

[Armie Hammer]

Keep that one. Delete everything else.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Armie Hammer]

Delete. Like, so there's no fallback plan. Like, that's how sure he is at what he does.

[Tom Segura]

That's incredible.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Does he give direction, though, when he's like, do it again. Is there a note or. Just do it. You figure it out.

[Armie Hammer]

Very little. Very little. It's just, cut. Do it again.

[Christina P.]

Well, you got one word.

[Armie Hammer]

I got one.

[Christina P.]

He must have liked you.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah. Or he hated me, and because he had to give me the word, you know, like, I hired you to do the job, and you're not doing it now. I have to talk to you.

[Tom Segura]

Why aren't you intuitively incredulous right now?

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's amazing.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And what are your memories from the man? From uncle.

[Armie Hammer]

That was just fun.

[Tom Segura]

Fun.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah. Guy Ritchie is the opposite. Like, he just wants to have a good time. He loves making movies. He loves the people that he's working with, and he wants it to be an experience, really. I mean, every day on set, we would have a giant white tablecloth lunch of, like, local cuisine wherever we were. Wine, like, it was. It was really just the best.

[Chris Larson]

Henry Cavell.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, she always.

[Armie Hammer]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Christina P.]

Both of you. Couple of dogs.

[Tom Segura]

How was Henry? Did you. Did you get lost in his eyes or his jaws?

[Armie Hammer]

I mean, Henry's great because he is there to work. He's there to do his job.

[Tom Segura]

Very professional.

[Armie Hammer]

Very professional. Very professional. I would say even, like, very guarded. So it's like, you don't really get in there. And, you know, I like to get in there. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I like getting in there. So I'd be like, henry, come on, buddy. And I'd, like, antagonize him and, like, you know, just barge into his trailer and be like, what's up, bro? And he would be like, what are you doing? Like, this is my trailer. And I was like, I know. You know, like, but we. I mean, we had a great time. Yeah, we had a really good time making that one.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Fun movie.

[Armie Hammer]

Shot it all over Europe, too.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's. I mean, that's kind of the dream, I think, right?

[Armie Hammer]

Perfect. Like a period European film. Like, I felt like it was like we were on, like, Anthony Mangela sets, you know?

[Tom Segura]

That's awesome. So here's what I want, because, like, so you again. This is not a secret. You're in the category of cancel. Don't touch.

[Armie Hammer]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

Is there a path for you to. To work, like, as an actor, you know? I mean, like, there's some people who. You go, look, man, this person's offenses are too grave.

[Armie Hammer]

They're just.

[Tom Segura]

They're in another. They're just like, it's goodbye forever.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You're. I feel like, in a different category. Like, at the time, it's. You know, they don't want anything to do with you, but it feels like there should be, like, some path for you. Or am I wrong?

[Armie Hammer]

Well, the worm is turning.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Armie Hammer]

Right. And it takes time.

[Tom Segura]

It does take time.

[Armie Hammer]

Slow. But generally, now the conversation when my name comes up with people in the industry is, man, that guy got fucked.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

You know, and. And that feels really good. It's really encouraging.

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Armie Hammer]

I just shot a movie.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you did? You.

[Armie Hammer]

I just shot a movie.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Armie Hammer]

And I have two more movies coming up and a potential TV show. Oh, a potential TV show that the head of a studio signed off on me. So it's like. It feels like you're back.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Armie Hammer]

So, I mean, I wouldn't say with.

[Tom Segura]

William H. Macy in it.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah. We just did Frontier Crucible. It's me, William H. Macy, and Thomas Jane.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. So, yeah, I was. Sorry, I just should have researched that question. But, yeah. So you are working.

[Armie Hammer]

I'm working.

[Tom Segura]

That's great. I think part of it is just like, the gays are out of the White House. Things have switched. And there's.

[Armie Hammer]

Listen, the gays were my biggest advocates, by the way, because they were like, oh, honey.

[Tom Segura]

Like the.

[Armie Hammer]

You said, if people hacked Grindr and saw what we were talking about on there, none of us would work.

[Tom Segura]

I didn't mean homosexuals. I just meant, you know, like, the gays.

[Armie Hammer]

The other gays.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, the.

[Armie Hammer]

Stop being gay.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, those games. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I got it. So. Which I think actually culturally plays a role in things like when. When people in power are more like, hey, don't be ridiculous. Which is like the shift that's happening.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Then things like this happen. When is Kevin Spacey coming back? I don't care who he fondled.

[Armie Hammer]

He's working, too. Thank God he's working.

[Christina P.]

I don't care who he fondled.

[Tom Segura]

He can fondle me. I love watching that man work.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Incredible actor.

[Armie Hammer]

He's. He. He is amazing. I mean, American Beauty.

[Tom Segura]

Every.

[Armie Hammer]

Like, everything he does. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

The way that House of Cards just fell apart with him not on it. You're like, oh, yeah, this sucks now.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It's just. He. Like, there's some actors that really carry things.

[Christina P.]

You're like, although Robin Wright Penn is so fit.

[Tom Segura]

Well, the Two of them.

[Armie Hammer]

She's great.

[Christina P.]

Not an ounce of fat on that body.

[Armie Hammer]

She's a weapon.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, she's very hot.

[Christina P.]

Would you bang her, Robin?

[Armie Hammer]

Would you smash her head into a dresser?

[Tom Segura]

I would tell her how much I loved her.

[Armie Hammer]

Not the same. That doesn't count. Yeah, that's pretty gay, bro.

[Tom Segura]

If we were together, I would let my feelings be known. Wow.

[Christina P.]

She's special. I'd let you bang her. You can bang her.

[Armie Hammer]

See, this is the kind of relationship I aspire to right here.

[Tom Segura]

Full consent, goals. Goals. Is that conditional consent?

[Christina P.]

Conditional? No, it's full. I love you.

[Tom Segura]

You can have Henry.

[Christina P.]

Can I just say, and I don't know why I feel the need to say this, but maybe because I was a goth chick that grew up in the. I was never into the S M scene, but I feel like it gives those people a bad rap when, like. Do you know what I mean? Like, it's a. It's a legitimate scene, right?

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Christina P.]

How do I say this? Like, 50 shades of gray, you know, popular. That was, like.

[Armie Hammer]

It was, like, the most popular book. The movie made a billion dollars.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. Everyone's twiddling their skiddling, their bean, reading it on the drying machine, and, you know. Yeah, it gives it a bad rap. I just. That. That community is its own thing.

[Armie Hammer]

Sure.

[Christina P.]

And there's rules and regulation. Right. Like, you guys have a whole. That's a whole fucking thing.

[Armie Hammer]

I think the issue is, is that.

[Christina P.]

It'S not a big deal.

[Armie Hammer]

Like any community, there are people who are there for altruistic reasons, and they enjoy it and they love it, and they're safe, and they're smart about it, and they care about the people they're engaging with. And I think there are also unsavory characters who get attracted into that world. Like politics. Like, you know, it's like you have people who actually want to help, maybe two of them, and then the rest of them are not there for the right reasons, and I think it gives it a bad name.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, exactly.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Do you feel like, besides tying up people in your crawl space, do you have any other hidden talents or hobbies?

[Armie Hammer]

Well, I don't really have time for anything else, really. That's just that, I mean, my crawl space is getting full. Have you seen my apartment on the podcast?

[Tom Segura]

It's tiny. Pretty small.

[Armie Hammer]

Tiny. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

No, but is there anything else you're into? Like, are you into, like, surfing or.

[Armie Hammer]

Oh, I love pickleball. I don't even care. I will talk about it. I love pickleball.

[Christina P.]

Be ashamed of Yourself.

[Armie Hammer]

I love pickleball. Have you tried it?

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina P.]

Never?

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Armie Hammer]

Okay. All right, well, if you want to be close minded and that's fine. That's, that's your call. It's your show. You do what you want to do.

[Tom Segura]

This is a white water fountains only type of place.

[Armie Hammer]

Fair enough. Fair enough. I mean, I have, I have a lot of that. I love do.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I've had a lot more time to do it lately, which is great.

[Tom Segura]

But here's the thing. This is actually, I, we kind of glance over, but I, I think it's the big revelation for me is that you are working again as an actor.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah. And that's a consistent, like, I'm, I'm turning jobs down.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah, my dance card's getting pretty full.

[Tom Segura]

Hey, but that's great, by the way.

[Armie Hammer]

The first job that I turned down after four years of this. Yeah, I, I, I mean, it was the best feeling I've ever had.

[Tom Segura]

Really.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I'm sure that also has probably felt great to take the first gig again. Now, were you super nervous about how you will be, how you would.

[Armie Hammer]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, the story of how it all came up was hilarious because my best friend Tyler, who has his own podcast called the Painful Lessons Podcast, he called me on Thursday and he goes, I got a movie offer for you. And I go, are you talking about, dude? Like, it has been four years since I worked. He goes, no, no, I have a movie offer for you. I go, why the fuck would you have a movie offer for me? What are you talking about? He goes, I don't know, man. Some Guy on Instagram DM'd me and has a movie for you. And I was like, if you believe that, I have a bridge to sell you, bro. And he goes, I don't know, dude, do you want me to just send it over to you? And I was like, all right, fine, send it over to me. And so he sends me the information. He sends me the guy's name and phone number. He goes, just call the guy. And I was like, I'm not gonna call this guy. He goes, call the guy. Call him on Friday. On Saturday, I drive out to Arizona. I start rehearsals on Sunday.

[Christina P.]

What?

[Armie Hammer]

It was, it was like that. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And it was a legit thing.

[Armie Hammer]

It was a legit movie. It's the one with William H. Mason and Thomas Jane. It was.

[Christina P.]

Jesus Christ.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So how about now? It's because, like, agents are always agents.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So we like, did an agent, you.

[Armie Hammer]

Know, go like, oh, I have not had a single. So I've got like five jobs right now that I'm kind of like dealing with and engaging with. I leave for Croatia in January. Like I go to the Philippines in springtime. Like, I've got these jobs. Right. Not a single one of them has come through an agent.

[Tom Segura]

I'm not surprised.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So are you working just with a lawyer?

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah, I have an attorney.

[Christina P.]

That's all you need?

[Armie Hammer]

Great. That's saves me 10%.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

So how should people book you for movies?

[Armie Hammer]

Email my lawyer. It's on IMDb. His name is Todd Rubenstein. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You guys want Armie Hammer in your fucking show?

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You email Ruby Stein.

[Armie Hammer]

That's it. That's it.

[Tom Segura]

Work it out with him.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christina P.]

That's awesome. Yeah, but good for you. You kind of don't have to sift through their. Then the agents. You don't know when they're lying to you.

[Tom Segura]

And yeah, I almost feel like it'd be. The move is like as your workload increases, your profile grows again. You should just be like, yeah, I don't want an agent. You should just keep the lawyer thing.

[Armie Hammer]

I'm thinking about it. I mean, I want to go even further than that. I want to do the sort of like Bill Murray. I have an 800 number that you call that I check every couple months.

[Tom Segura]

I think you're like one of the few people that could then kind of really justify it too.

[Armie Hammer]

Well, I think, because whatever level I reached as an actor was, let's say here and then whatever level I reached in infamy as a cannibal is like up here. So it's like you want to stunt hire the guy who eats people? Like, call my 800 number.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

I have a question. Do you think you know how on IMDb it ranks your star meter? Like when you have a project come out, do you think the Cannibal period rose your star meter?

[Armie Hammer]

I don't know. That's a good question. I'd have to ask the Way Back machine.

[Christina P.]

Josh, can we see if that affected it? Yeah, because it doesn't matter whether.

[Armie Hammer]

I mean, I know I legitimately hit the number 4 or 5 most searched person on Google globally.

[Tom Segura]

So I believe that's a lot.

[Armie Hammer]

That's a lot. It's a lot.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You're up there with like presidents and shit.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah, yeah. People got to know and it sucks.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

It's not fun.

[Christina P.]

I'm sorry.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah, I switched to a flip phone. I switched to a flip phone for a long while. Sorry. No, I would I changed my number, and I got a old flip phone, and I lived on a farm, and I grew food.

[Tom Segura]

Somebody just told me that they did this, that they. And I actually, I. I started to think about it more, like, recently, where they got a phone, an additional phone, and it's their primary phone, and they didn't download any social media on it, and they keep social media on a separate phone, so it's like they have to go to the phone.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

To do it, just to be free of it.

[Armie Hammer]

I don't know who this is. But they're cheating. Yeah, they're cheating. That's the only reason you have two phones like that. Oh, bat phone.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

There you go.

[Tom Segura]

All right.

[Christina P.]

Hey, how many do you have?

[Tom Segura]

I have four.

[Christina P.]

Oh, my God.

[Armie Hammer]

Busy man.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, busy man.

[Tom Segura]

Dude.

[Christina P.]

All right. Star meter. Well, it's pretty good. Let's see. Yeah, you got. You got high.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, you're up there.

[Armie Hammer]

Was that seven or. I can't read that. Entertainment Tonight.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. That's in 21 down 41 this week.

[Armie Hammer]

Thanks. Thanks, guys.

[Christina P.]

Thanks.

[Armie Hammer]

Thanks for pulling up these metrics.

[Christina P.]

That's so sick.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

What a great business.

[Tom Segura]

Here's a visual representation of your fame.

[Armie Hammer]

I do want to say that I am in the top 1,373. So that's pretty good. I'll take it. I'll take it.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, there's not that. You know, that's.

[Christina P.]

There's a lot of people doing this, actually.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Gosh.

[Tom Segura]

I. Pull ours up, see how we're doing. You just. You'll feel better.

[Armie Hammer]

I. I'm. I'm probably not even 1,371. God damn it. I'm out of here.

[Tom Segura]

I've got to be way.

[Christina P.]

I'm way. I'm not even on the map.

[Tom Segura]

Let's see.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. Oh, I'm.

[Tom Segura]

I'm 12,000, bro.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah, I would trade spots with you. I don't know, like, generally.

[Christina P.]

Christina, you can't tie me up. Oh, no, no. I'm not into your shibari.

[Tom Segura]

Let's see.

[Christina P.]

Shibuditsu. I'm not even on there. Yeah, 21, 000. I'm dead, dude.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah, but you went up. See, that's the thing. You went up 1814 points.

[Christina P.]

What did I do? Apart when I had cancer. Oh, yeah, no, I'm sure I had breast cancer. Like. Yeah, around that time. And that's probably what it was, like, the People magazine or whatever. Don't. Please stop looking.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

What's that?

[Christina P.]

What was that? Did I get canceled.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, 2000. What?

[Armie Hammer]

There you go.

[Christina P.]

Oh, mom, my special. Oh, wow. It did well.

[Tom Segura]

All right. Go back to me.

[Christina P.]

Go back to me. Never tells me when I do well. What the.

[Tom Segura]

Damn, Dude, I'm super jelly right now.

[Christina P.]

Oh, my God. I did so much better than you.

[Armie Hammer]

You're above 2,000.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina P.]

Oh, man.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that shit's tight. Look how high that is.

[Christina P.]

Shut up. Star meter. How many people do you think check this daily? Oh, my God. Gotta be actors that are like, please, God.

[Tom Segura]

So it's a. It's a. I've heard.

[Armie Hammer]

And I'm not gonna name names, but I've heard of actors who. Who go onto their IMDb message board. I don't know if they even still have it.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, and.

[Armie Hammer]

And will, like, be like, that's not true. He's a great actor. Like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He's doing really good.

[Christina P.]

Comics do that, too, back in the day.

[Armie Hammer]

Come on.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, they have their burner accounts. I mean, and then in. You know, famously, Kevin Durant did it when he. Oh, yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

Did he forget to switch accounts?

[Tom Segura]

I think that something like that happened where he would. People were criticizing him, and he had an account that just would defend Kevin.

[Christina P.]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Armie Hammer]

You can look at, like, the tweet history of the account, and it's all like, I heard Kevin Durant has a huge penis.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, well, he. I think he actually. He's pretty cool about it. I think he, you know, kind of just accepted it. Whatever. He's a. You know, he's really outspoken guy. But, yeah, he was probably actually getting slandered unnecessarily, you know, Also, when it's about your game, you're like, shut the up.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah, well, there's, like, that whole tall poppy syndrome thing, too, you know?

[Christina P.]

What's that?

[Armie Hammer]

The, like, the tallest poppy. Everyone wants to cut it down.

[Christina P.]

So true.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Haters gonna hate, bro.

[Armie Hammer]

What are you gonna do?

[Tom Segura]

Losers. Well, people can listen to the Army Hammer Time podcast. Does it release the same day every.

[Armie Hammer]

Yeah, Mondays. Every Monday, we drop a new episode.

[Tom Segura]

Check out a new episode, and can see you in some upcoming films.

[Armie Hammer]

Yes, you can.

[Tom Segura]

Pretty exciting, man.

[Christina P.]

It's awesome.

[Armie Hammer]

Maybe even next year, or one of them might be coming out.

[Christina P.]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

That's awesome, man.

[Christina P.]

Your podcast is lovely. I. I really enjoy listening to you talk with your mother. Very open, very candid, and, like, you get very personal, which I think was really cool. A lot of people go through the same kind of stuff you did. Trauma and, like, how do you get through it. You know, and how do you talk to your parents about it? All that. And I don't know. I thought it was very interesting. So give it a listen, you guys.

[Armie Hammer]

Appreciate it.

[Christina P.]

Check it out. Trot out.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Thanks for coming in, man. Thanks for having me fun.

[Armie Hammer]

This is also really good for me to see, like, what a podcast can get to where you're like, we'll fly out. I was like, podcasts do that. Like, here's your hotel room. Oh, do you need my credit card for the hotel room? No, we don't. What. What is going on here? Well, and then it's. It's a compound you got here. This is.

[Christina P.]

Wait until you see the bathroom. We have mints and stuff.

[Armie Hammer]

Whoa.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. Flossers, chapstick.

[Armie Hammer]

Well, after this nicotine pouch, I'm going to go need to take a in your bathroom. So I'm very excited about this.

[Tom Segura]

And there's dude wipes in there.

[Armie Hammer]

No way.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Fresh.

[Armie Hammer]

I mean, I bring my own everywhere I go. Oh, that's cool. I actually do have wipes in my backpack.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's. Yeah, I need to start doing that more. I feel like I like an animal on the road. Okay.

[Christina P.]

All the time at home, too.

[Tom Segura]

Thanks for coming. Thank you guys for watching. Thanks for listening, and we'll see you next week.

[Christina P.]

But.

[Tom Segura]

All right, here we go. Jeans. Oh, no, this is not. Nothing to do with you, I promise.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, right.

[Tom Segura]

I promise.

[Christina P.]

It's a surprise. It's, it's, it's a surprise. It's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's a surprise.

[Tom Segura]

Wet nut sack. This is Wet nutsack.

[Christina P.]

It's, it's, it's, it's, it's a surprise.

[Tom Segura]

Wet nutsack. This is no shit. Wet nutsack.

[Christina P.]

It's, it's, it's, it's, it's a surprise.

[Tom Segura]

It's just coming. Wet nutsack. It's just coming. It's just coming. You know?

[Christina P.]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

It's just coming. Wet nutsack. And she's coming. She's coming, though.

[Christina P.]

Surprise. You did it. And we both went.

[Tom Segura]

It is incredible. Wet nutsack.

[Christina P.]

It's, it's, it's, it's, it's a surprise.

[Tom Segura]

Again.

[Christina P.]

Again. I want more.

[Tom Segura]

Is there more Wet nutsack. I think it was towards the end of lunch.

[Christina P.]

Just especially when you do it in front of your mom. Your mom. Your mom.