Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope | Your Mom's House Ep. 810

Summary

Your Mom's House Ep. 810: Mike Birbiglia Cracked Up The Pope

Release Date: May 14, 2025
Hosts: Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura
Guest: Mike Birbiglia

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1. Introduction and Welcome

The episode kicks off with Christina and Tom warmly welcoming listeners to "Your Mom's House," setting the stage for an engaging and laughter-filled conversation. Shortly after, they introduce the special guest, comedian Mike Birbiglia, setting the tone for a mix of humor and heartfelt discussions.

---

2. Mike Birbiglia's Netflix Special: "Bad Thoughts"

[02:08] Christina P.:
"Yeah, today Bad Thoughts is out."

Mike Birbiglia delves into his new Netflix special, "Bad Thoughts," sharing insights about the creative process behind the show. He expresses enthusiasm about the collaboration, mentioning the impressive lineup of talented individuals involved, including Daniela Pineda, Rob Eiler, Kirk Fox, Dan Stevens, and Shea Wiggum.

[02:52] Mike Birbiglia:
"But anyway, no, it really was an amazing experience to make this show and I really appreciate if you watch it, if you tell your friends to watch it."

Christina highlights a significant moment where Rob Eiler returned to acting after a 20-year hiatus, thanks to the project. The hosts commend the show's production quality and the depth it brings to Mike's comedic repertoire.

---

3. Steven Seagal Parody and Viral Clips

[03:47] Christina P.:
"She's stuff."
(Discussing a Steven Seagal parody clip)

The conversation shifts to a viral Steven Seagal parody that mirrors a skit Mike and Tom previously created. Mike reflects on the accuracy of the parody, noting how closely it resembles their original work.

[04:10] Mike Birbiglia:
"And then, Shout out to Mystic Clips. They made the Fat Thoughts trailer for Bert."

The hosts humorously compare the parody to their own fat suit performances, contemplating the thin line between homage and imitation in comedy.

---

4. News Segment: Gerard Depardieu's Conviction

[15:00] Christina P.:
"Gerard Depardieu convicted of assaulting two women on set."

Christina brings up the recent conviction of French actor Gerard Depardieu for assaulting two women during the filming of a movie in 2021. The hosts express astonishment and disapproval over the light sentence he received—a suspended sentence of 18 months and inclusion in the national sex offender registry.

[16:00] Tom Segura:
"He's nude in films. That's how he got wind of this guy, is that he's nude like that in films."

Tom and Christina discuss Depardieu's public persona as a sex symbol and the problematic behavior that led to his conviction. They critique the leniency of the legal repercussions and Depardieu's sense of entitlement.

---

5. Personal Anecdotes and Comedic Clips

Throughout the episode, Christina and Tom intersperse their conversation with humorous clips and personal stories:

• [07:05] Mike Birbiglia:
  "Here we go, ladies. Would you like daddy Reese to read you a lullaby tonight while you're running your fingers?"

• [33:11] Tom Segura:
  "We ought to work this into a bit because it's so funny."

These clips showcase the hosts' trademark comedic style, blending edgy humor with relatable scenarios. They often segue into discussions about the challenges and absurdities of crafting comedy.

---

6. Comedians Discussing Their Careers

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to Mike and Tom sharing their journeys in stand-up comedy:

[54:31] Tom Segura:
"So, yeah, that's one of the only things I ever truly studied in my life."

Mike recounts his experiences performing at various colleges and comedy clubs, highlighting the grit and determination required to succeed in the industry. Tom echoes similar sentiments, discussing his transition from opening acts to harboring aspirations for Broadway shows.

[55:00] Tom Segura:
"And so that was like, It was quite a journey from performing college gigs to making it on Broadway."

The hosts reflect on the evolution of their comedy careers, emphasizing the importance of perseverance and adaptability.

---

7. Parenting and Personal Lives

Christina and Tom also touch upon their roles as parents, illustrating the balance between personal lives and professional commitments:

[90:13] Tom Segura:
"My joke in the special, and the answer is no, I think, because they knew I was a talker."

They share anecdotes about teaching their children important life lessons, managing familial relationships, and the humorous challenges that come with parenting.

[94:34] Christina P.:
"Smoking's for losers."
(Enforcing rules with their kids)

These segments provide a heartfelt glimpse into their lives beyond the microphone, resonating with listeners who navigate similar dynamics.

---

8. Inspirational Moments: Meeting the Pope

Mike Birbiglia shares a touching story about meeting Pope Francis, intertwining it with his comedic narrative:

[86:08] Tom Segura:
"I was screaming Papacy."
(After presenting his experience)

He explains how this encounter impacted his perspective on life and faith, seamlessly blending introspection with humor. Christina appreciates the depth of Mike's experiences, highlighting the emotional layers beneath his comedy.

---

9. Closing Remarks and Upcoming Projects

As the episode draws to a close, the hosts and Mike Birbiglia discuss upcoming projects and specials:

[75:35] Mike Birbiglia:
"I have the Pope and Taylor stuff. Yeah."

Mike promotes his new special "The Good Life," which explores profound life themes through a comedic lens. Tom mentions his upcoming movie projects, emphasizing the continuous evolution of his storytelling approach.

[104:34] Christina P.:
"Well, she's been, you know, annoying for a long time because she's on the Voice."
(Referring to Taylor Swift's dance moves)

Christina and Tom wrap up the episode with light-hearted banter, maintaining the show's signature blend of humor and camaraderie.

---

Notable Quotes

• Mike Birbiglia [02:52]:
  "It really was an amazing experience to make this show and I really appreciate if you watch it, if you tell your friends to watch it."

• Tom Segura [15:00]:
  "He should be in Fat Thoughts."

• Christina P. [94:34]:
  "Smoking's for losers."

• Mike Birbiglia [86:08]:
  "You are Birbiglia, Mike Birbiglia. And I walk up and I hold it up, and his last name before he died was Bergoglio. And I go, I am Birbiglia, you are Bergoglio. I'm the next pope, you know?"

---

Conclusion

Episode 810 of "Your Mom's House" masterfully blends humor with heartfelt conversations, offering listeners both laughs and moments of reflection. From discussing Mike Birbiglia's latest Netflix special and touching on serious news like Gerard Depardieu's conviction to sharing personal stories about parenting and career growth, Christina and Tom create a rich and engaging narrative. The inclusion of notable quotes and comedic clips ensures that both longtime fans and new listeners find value and entertainment throughout the episode.

---

For those who haven't tuned in yet, this episode of "Your Mom's House" is a must-listen, offering a perfect mix of comedy, candid conversations, and inspiring stories.

Transcript

[Tom Segura]

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[Christina P.]

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[Christina P.]

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[Mike Birbiglia]

What's everybody? Next Thursday, May 22nd, I'll be bringing my Come Together Tour to Springfield, Massachusetts to Mass Mutual Center. Get tickets now at tomskura.com tour. I cannot wait to see you there. Well, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

[Christina P.]

Okay, let's go fart dogs.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Let's fart. Let's go. Don't.

[Christina P.]

Don't kick a sharkan.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Don't kick. No, don't kick.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P.]

Holy shark week.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's a bad week. Sharkeisha, no.

[Christina P.]

That's a deep cut.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Deep cut.

[Christina P.]

Sharkeisha, no. That took the internal webs by storm. Storm.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That was also a ghost crew track back in the day. Hello, and welcome to another episode of your mom's house podcast.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, today Bad Thoughts is out.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Bad Thoughts is out. But it's been out, right?

[Christina P.]

It's been out for a week or two.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It comes out tomorrow. Oh, oh, it's been out for a day.

[Christina P.]

Oh, my gosh.

[Mike Birbiglia]

If you haven't yet watched Bad Thoughts, please check it out. It's on Netflix. It was an absolute blast to make this show. Here's the show poster. Oh, wait a minute. That's actually. Oh, God. Is Bert doing a almost exact same show as me? That's crazy.

[Christina P.]

I guess Netflix has a hit on their hands. Yeah, they wanted to make another.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Another one.

[Christina P.]

Damn, he looks good.

[Mike Birbiglia]

He does look good. Who made that? We gotta shout them out.

[Tom Segura]

Sorry.

[Christina P.]

Let me check.

[Mike Birbiglia]

But anyway, no, it really was an amazing experience to make this show and I really appreciate if you watch it, if you tell your friends to watch it. Yeah, there's so many great, super talented people in it. Daniela Pineda, Rob Eiler, Kirk Fox, Dan Stevens, Shea Wiggum. It goes on and on. So many great, great, talented people. And it was so fun to make.

[Christina P.]

So fun. I have to also give a shout out, both to your credit and to Rob Eiler. Rob Eiler went into acting retirement for 20 years.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And this project brought Rob Eiler out of retirement.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Isn't that crazy? His acting credits go the Sopranos. Bad Thoughts.

[Christina P.]

It's pretty amazing.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's the last time he acted.

[Christina P.]

It's pretty amazing.

[Mike Birbiglia]

So good.

[Christina P.]

He's so talented. And also, I mean, am I allowed to spoiler alert a little bit about. There's a Steven Seagal thing.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, sure. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

So I was on just like, TikTok scrolling today, and they. Steven Seagal was there.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And it was a replica of what you were making fun of.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I know. I know. You. The. The thing that went viral yesterday about him, I texted the guys that we made this with, and I was like, I don't think we even exaggerated. No size because he looks like he's like £5,000. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And. And Spookily is dressed like the same.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Way that I know.

[Christina P.]

Dressed like him.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. Shout out to Mystic Clips. They made the Fat Thoughts trailer for Bert.

[Christina P.]

It's really good.

[Mike Birbiglia]

But, yeah, Seagal. Did you see that one? Did you see the Seagal thing by chance?

[Tom Segura]

The Seagal short?

[Mike Birbiglia]

The. No, no, no.

[Christina P.]

Just a clip of him.

[Mike Birbiglia]

The clip of him that went out, like, yesterday.

[Christina P.]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I know what you're talking about. I'm talking about. Yeah, yeah. If you. If you don't. If you don't have it, I could probably. Let me see. I could probably send it to you if I have. You do have it.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's crazy, dude. Like, yeah, it really.

[Christina P.]

He looks like the parody.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, it looks like the exact same thing. You're like, oh, that's just the guy. It's not even an exaggeration.

[Christina P.]

How do you go from being. I mean, he was really like, a hot shit thing.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Look at this guy.

[Christina P.]

It's literally the joke.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. Somebody messaged me back. I sent them to one of the guys, and they were like, wait, is he fatter than your fat suit? And I was like, I mean, it's close. It's actually close.

[Christina P.]

It's Tom. I think you nailed it.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I mean, he looks like he's. At first of all, he's a big. A lot of people don't know this, but he's he's like six, four. Like, he's a big guy. And he probably, like, looks like he's around 350 there. Maybe 360.

[Christina P.]

Wow.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And you got the beard.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Damn. He's a house dude.

[Christina P.]

And the. The caption I saw was like, the aikido champion. This guy's an akito.

[Mike Birbiglia]

He's a world champ. The other thing, the first top comment I saw in one of those videos, because I think there was a bunch that went out. They. It just said, where's the discipline. Because those, you know, people like him, they preach right. Martial arts is, like, all about discipline.

[Christina P.]

Yes.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Well, clearly you have none. 0, 0.

[Christina P.]

God.

[Mike Birbiglia]

He should be in fat thoughts.

[Christina P.]

I know.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Really?

[Christina P.]

Well, I'm awfully happy for you. I'm proud of your genes.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Thank you.

[Christina P.]

It's been fun watching you have fun. Do it.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. I think it's gonna be really good.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Thanks. I'm excited and amazed. I am very excited about it. I really am. It's.

[Christina P.]

We did the premiere in la.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Premiere was really fun. Yeah. The screening was here and then the premiere was there. That was a really good time.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

People came out and it was just kind of a festive environment. Lots of laughs. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Hardy. It's a good time. You danced for, like, one song.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. I enjoyed it.

[Christina P.]

You did. I can't tell when you're having fun.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I had a good time, like, having fun. I was not like, Tom, your show's out today.

[Christina P.]

Great.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Come on. You're exactly.

[Christina P.]

You seem happy today, though.

[Mike Birbiglia]

No, I am happy.

[Christina P.]

Your skin looks good.

[Mike Birbiglia]

We got some actual bad thoughts. A fun story. I'm going to show you in a second. Let's. Let's do the opening clip and get into the show. Ready?

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Here we go, ladies. Would you like daddy Reese to read you a lullaby tonight while you're running your fingers?

[Christina P.]

Okay, I'm gonna.

[Mike Birbiglia]

In between your hot thighs. This is big time.

[Tom Segura]

Who is Randy?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Don't bring anyone mother into this. Your mom in the stand. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Sakura. Look at me and Christina pit. Welcome to your mom's house.

[Tom Segura]

Hot.

[Christina P.]

You are so horned up, I got to tell you.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

What's going on? It's always. It should be called bad thoughts. It should be called cockthots because everything out of your brain is just Dick. Dick. No, no. You all right?

[Mike Birbiglia]

I'm fine.

[Christina P.]

Take it down.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Enough. I most certainly am. Now direct me to some barely Lee ego yell. Direct me there so I can bust nut on they romps and scrambled.

[Christina P.]

I said you had a bad thoughts story.

[Mike Birbiglia]

So you don't want to watch more daddy Reese stuff?

[Christina P.]

I love him. I mean, I've already. I know this guy. He's hot.

[Mike Birbiglia]

So if you watch bad thoughts, which I hope you're gonna do, episode six, the final episode of the season, most of it takes place. It's the. It's a story called concoction where we drink a concoction and all these fantastic things happen. We shot it at a place called Med to Market, like we were shooting all over Austin, different locations. Sometimes it was a back lot we shot on Robert Rodriguez's Troublemaker Studios and we had like, you know, different locations. So this is one of the locations called med to market.

[Christina P.]

50 year old Adeline Bowie at Capitol Mortuary Services, or CMS, and 53 year old Erin Ali, the head of Med to Market, a medical training facility, are accused of abusing a corpse by experimenting on severed arms. Police were tipped off by a Texas Funeral Services Commission investigator who said Bowie was fraudulently using a former embalmer's name for death certificates and injecting formaldehyde into severed arms to see the effects over time.

[Mike Birbiglia]

So when we were there, there were corpses there and they were like, oh, they just, you know, don't go in this room or don't look in here and there's open windows. Yeah. So you just like look and see a dead body and they'd be like, oh, we'll cover that up.

[Christina P.]

And was there an Asian lady injecting them?

[Mike Birbiglia]

I didn't see it, but APD says.

[Christina P.]

There was a project thread called Freedom Art Experiment.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Thread showed materials including photos of severed arms and discussions on tissue decomposition, mold growth and the use of materials like fishing line to suture the specimens.

[Christina P.]

Plus they're investigating claims of employees being told to dispose of body fluids in unapproved places. Bowie told police about 15 bodies were experimented on with the permission of Med to Market. Elise says they contracted with CMS for transport and cremation and told police it was embalming, not experimenting.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Well, it's got a real knucklehead over.

[Christina P.]

There at Maggie Market.

[Mike Birbiglia]

But that's where we shot. That's where we shot concoction.

[Christina P.]

That's so special. Yeah, what a cool thing.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Is pretty cool that the guy was evil doctor Basically, yeah.

[Christina P.]

I wonder where he disposed the fluids that were in question. I'd be really curious to know.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I'd be curious.

[Christina P.]

Maybe you drank some. Maybe you got to have some in your mouth.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Maybe I had some with lunch and I didn't even realize it.

[Christina P.]

What kind of experiments could. Could you like, what's the point?

[Mike Birbiglia]

He was experimenting with severed arms. I don't know.

[Christina P.]

What's the. He said to see the. The use of formaldehyde. Okay.

[Mike Birbiglia]

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[Christina P.]

That's right. Wait. Watch out, ladies.

[Mike Birbiglia]

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[Christina P.]

I'm a side sleeper. So we got lots of padding, nice and soft and we sleep cool. Sleep cool on our Helix mattress. It's been fantastic.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I've, I've love sleep. They also, by the way, sell bed frames, pillows, sheets, a whole bunch of bedding options so they have you covered with everything. When it comes to sleep, go to helixsleep.com ymh for 27% off site wide plus free bedding bundle. That's sheet, set and mattress protector with any luxe or elite mattress order, that's helixsleep.com ymh for 27% off sitewide plus plus free bedding bundle, sheep set and mattress protector with any luxe or elite mattress order. That's helixsleep.com ymh I mean, I don't know. He's just having a good time.

[Christina P.]

It sounds like it's more of a good time.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It sounds like it's just somebody having fun at work. Maybe we should stop breaking their balls so hard, you know?

[Christina P.]

And also, this is a really bad thought, but, like, apropos. Hey, Tyen, is it so bad? I mean, the person's dead already. They must have signed up to be there, right?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Well, there's. There's certain things, too. Like when you sign off, sometimes you sign off, I want, you know, my loved one to be used for science, whatever. Medical research. Yes. And then you don't really see the fine print of what. What can happen. So there was a story of a guy who, like, he signed off for his mother to be, you know, her body to be used for science. And then the army got a hold of it and used it for an explosive test. Like. Yeah, they put it in her body.

[Christina P.]

In an explosions test.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. So just to see the effects of this bomb going off, it blew her body up. And he's like, that's not what I sent my mom to you for. But it was like it was protected under the. The fine print.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. See, this is why I'm never an organ donor.

[Mike Birbiglia]

You know, when you're very smart, very.

[Christina P.]

Good, like, I don't want to help anybody.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's nice.

[Christina P.]

I don't want to get blown up. I don't want formaldehyde injected into me.

[Mike Birbiglia]

You want to get fingered by the coroner right off.

[Christina P.]

I see. I wear these. I can see clearly, but I don't like them. I look stupid.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, it's the.

[Christina P.]

It's the dilemma.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Does it like all glasses or that pair, you mean?

[Christina P.]

Oh, I get for distance, you know. Oh, but then I look like a, you know, one.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yep. Yep.

[Christina P.]

Well, that's really special. What a cool, like, behind the scenes story that you got to share with your fans.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. Also got some other news for you right here.

[Christina P.]

Oh, my gosh.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

How exciting is this? Gerard Depardieu convicted of.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Isn't that crazy? Gerard Depardieu?

[Christina P.]

Well, because we've showcased him like what 12 years ago is. We started the Gerard Depardieu meme. We knew something was up.

[Mike Birbiglia]

We knew he was a lookalike for a friend of ours. So that's what we kind of really started talking about. And turns out he's a big old booze bag. And now a convicted assaulter. The French actor was found guilty of sa two women on the set of a movie in which he Assault. Oh, assaulting two women on the set of the movie, which he starred in 2021. He was given a suspended sentence of 18 months, which is nothing. Yeah. The French movie star Gerald Depardieu was convicted by a Paris court on Tuesday of assaulting two women working on the set of a film. He received a suspended sentence. He will be added to the national sex offender registry. The judge also ruled that Mr. Depardieu, now 76, paid damages of €15,000, which is about $17,000, to one of the two victims, and €14,000, including her medical fees, to the other. He was not in court for the ruling. His lawyer said he would appeal. The verdict was welcomed by the victim's lawyers as a landmark win for French women in the post MeToo world. For me, it's a victory, truly said. One of the women agreed to be identified only by her first name, Amali. We are moving forward. Well, that's a pretty light slap on the wrist when it comes to it. I don't know if it says what. One was a set decorator. The other plaintiff agreed to not be. Has not agreed to be identified as an assistant director. They said Mr. Duke grabbed Amelie by the waist, pulled her toward him one day on the set while he was sitting down. Then he locked her between his legs, ran his hands over her buttocks, genitals and breasts while muttering obscenities. Jesus Christ, dude. The assistant director testified the actor had touched her breasts and buttocks on three occasions on set in Paris. What does it say? Anything below that? The judge called their version of events coherent, consistent, and supported by other evidence. He denied the assaults. The actor said he was not the vulgar, root trashy person who makes fun of people. He's been for. Portrayed to be. I don't know, it seems like an old French guy move.

[Christina P.]

It does. And. And especially he has such a sense of entitlement. If you would look at his body and his looks. And he's considered a sex symbol in France and has been since the 90s.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And it's appalling that he's considered a sex symbol firstly. And secondly, the good news is he's 76 now. He's always looked 76, by the way. He's grown into his age.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And if this is a. A culture that always has kind of let shit slide, you know what I mean? That is a tough. That is a Burt duplicate, dude.

[Christina P.]

And he. He's nude in films. That's how he got wind of this guy, is that he's nude like that in films. And he's the Sex symbol.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. Well, he used to look quite different. If you see the older.

[Christina P.]

Even when he was with what's her name in the. That movie. Green Card is what broke him in America. He wasn't that cute then.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Well, I like that one right next to it with the worst covering, the hushi.

[Tom Segura]

Right there.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, that one. I like that one. The old pull it up over the belly button move.

[Christina P.]

And also, I like the suspenders with the pants to really accentuate the bulge.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Stomach.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's really cool. I actually think Bert could do that. Well, it's shirtless, you know. Of course, we got to get him some overalls.

[Christina P.]

Same theme, overalls with suspenders.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. Yeah, that's cool, man. No, but if the French are saying that's too much.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Because that's always been a culture of, like, men will be men. They will touch your breasts.

[Christina P.]

They don't care.

[Mike Birbiglia]

They don't care.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

They will whisper things in your ear. Picture that with overalls. Yeah, Right.

[Christina P.]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Very Depardish. And if he didn't have facial hair, we could see more of that face.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, Very Gerard. Yeah, Very Gerard Depard. Look at them. They're twins. This is crazy. I mean, is that a cigarette in Gerard's hand there in his left hand?

[Christina P.]

Of course he's French. They don't give a rip.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. Health, man.

[Christina P.]

They don't care.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Looking good, gp.

[Christina P.]

But usually don't the French. Fat shame.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

I think they're very big on being thin.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, they do. You're right.

[Christina P.]

So I'm shocked.

[Mike Birbiglia]

He really got away with it. Do you remember when he pissed on a plane? On the. In the aisle. Do you remember that? Dude, look it up. Look at him piss. He pissed on a plane. I swear to God. I swear to God. In the aisle.

[Christina P.]

Oh, because he's a big wino.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

He's a big drunkie.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. Apologizes. French actor Gerard Depardieu apologized for the humiliating incident which saw him removed from a flight to Dublin. He was rearranged in front of fellow passengers after being refused permission to use a laboratory. He urinated into a bottle. Just stood there. Yes, friends, that he had prostate problems. After being removed from the flight. He caught a later flight. Yeah. Gerard was upset at this and offered to clean up the mess. He pissed in the aisle. He was stone cold sober at the time. Yeah. Okay.

[Christina P.]

That's a little entitlement. Okay. If he's sober, that's a lot of entitlement there.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Of course.

[Christina P.]

Come on.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And then there was a. Also an era where they were talking about he was. He said he was drinking like eight bottles of wine a day. That's how he got so huge.

[Christina P.]

Isn't that.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Seriously, look at his drinking.

[Christina P.]

Well, because how many calories is a bottle?

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's a good question. I have no idea.

[Christina P.]

It's like drinking like three milkshakes, right?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

How many calories?

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's drinking 14 bottles a day.

[Christina P.]

That would put me in the hospital. So bad. Yeah. How sick you would feel.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Of course. Okay. 600. Yeah. 8,400 calories. I mean, what are you? You're either an Olympian or you're a fucking mess.

[Christina P.]

And that's before eating food.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, that's just the booze.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. So if he gets a pizza or 10.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Look at his hooshi. Oh my God, dude, that's an 8,400 calorie a day Hushi.

[Christina P.]

He looks so good.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, it does look. He looks great. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

God.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Jesus Christ.

[Christina P.]

Dude.

[Mike Birbiglia]

He can drink 14 bottles of wine per day. But it's totally fine. Health wise, that is. I can drink 12, 13, 14 bottles a day. He goes through occasional bouts of sobriety. Who does that sound like? But between those, his alcohol intake surge, mostly out of boredom. He then outlines in detail his normal beverage intake.

[Christina P.]

Oh, I'm dying.

[Mike Birbiglia]

In the morning. It starts at home with champagne or red wine before 10:00am well, you start with champagne. Yeah. Then. Then again champagne. Gerard said he breaks up the wine with aniseed liquor, maybe half a bottle. He then he added then food accompanied by two bottles of wine in the afternoon. Champagne, beer, and more pastits. I don't know what that is. Pastis at around 5pm to finish off the bottle later on, vodka and. Or whiskey. God damn.

[Christina P.]

We didn't even know about the hard liquor.

[Mike Birbiglia]

If you need a visual representation to imagine what this much alcohol mirror has provided a troubling graphic. I thought they just meant mirrors in general. Holy, dude. Oh my God. That's wild.

[Christina P.]

He needs help, guys.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Morning, breakfast, lunch, afternoon, evening.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, it says a depart day.

[Mike Birbiglia]

What a piece of God damn, dude.

[Christina P.]

Doesn't that bother you? Like it bothers me as somebody that grew up with limited means and then now we have means. It's like if you are blessed enough in this world to have health, money and this guy's case, fame. Yeah, looks maybe when he was younger and to piss it away every single day. Yeah, fuck you. Like really fuck you. And fuck your mother.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Because he's like, fuck this world, basically.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. So kill yourself and stop pissing on planes.

[Mike Birbiglia]

God, this is Supposed to be a picture of Jelly Roll. Can you tell what the focus most people's eye is? Because Jelly Roll is smiling, but that's not where everyone's eyes go.

[Christina P.]

Wowzers.

[Mike Birbiglia]

So Gerard depadieu did the 5k. Is that what we're learning here?

[Christina P.]

He drank the whole time. Did Bert drink while he was doing the 5K?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Jason Kelsey did. Did he? I don't remember. Yes, Bert did.

[Christina P.]

Alcohol the whole time.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I mean, all day. All day.

[Christina P.]

I mean during the. During the second heat. Cuz @ the end of the day they all did it again.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know if he was drinking.

[Mike Birbiglia]

In the first one, but after the first one it was on. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was drinking a lot for sure. Yeah, yeah. Jason Kelsey did this thing where every 400 meters he would have a beer. So he had like 12 beers.

[Christina P.]

That's so good. What?

[Mike Birbiglia]

He looks amazing.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, that's different. He can do that.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, yeah. Yep. There's Jason right there on the right. Yeah, he was fine.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, he seems.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I was like, are you up? He's like, I have a little buzz. I'm like, after 12 beers? Yeah.

[Christina P.]

How long do you think Bert is going to keep his shirt off? That's the real. Is this going to be a career long, lifelong thing? Do you think he's going to do this in his 70s?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Hope so. You thinking he'll make it to 70 is a fucking good one.

[Christina P.]

Is he doing like late night circuit shirtless as well?

[Mike Birbiglia]

I don't think so. No. He wears clothes.

[Christina P.]

Okay.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I think it's reluctant. I think he's always like, God damn it. Because some of those places will be like, hey, keep your shirt on. He's like, bum me out. That is a big hushy, though.

[Christina P.]

Who again?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Hosha used to say, there's actually. I learned a new word, but it's. I forget now.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Hashik.

[Christina P.]

Hasha is a stomach. Hushi is meat. And I've created that word hushi that you say. Yeah, it says meats is what I'm saying.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Okay.

[Christina P.]

Like a hushy bear. It's not a real word.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's not a real.

[Christina P.]

Not real hunger.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's not like what's the real stomach hashi?

[Christina P.]

Hush Husha.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Hasha again.

[Christina P.]

Is like a big pig.

[Mike Birbiglia]

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[Christina P.]

Wow.

[Mike Birbiglia]

His Name's Peyton Gay, 32 year old male from Alabama, single. And I'm probably starting to think, you know, I'm 32 years old, probably gonna be single forever.

[Christina P.]

So if any of you know any single men, you know, who like to.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Fish, hunt or whatever and want to come, you know, hang out, great. That's wild. I've never. Yeah, like a southern gay. But like this, this style, like, what's up, man? It's normal.

[Christina P.]

It's too normal. And I'm waiting for the turn.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I'm gay. I'm trying to f. Like. Okay, all right, that's cool.

[Christina P.]

Where's it going though?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, no, it doesn't really. It just kind of ends there.

[Christina P.]

That's it. Oh, yeah, I think I sent this one. God, this is so troubling, right?

[Mike Birbiglia]

I don't know. That's.

[Christina P.]

Well, I wanted to show any. It was specifically for any.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, hey, what's up?

[Christina P.]

Any gay stuff.

[Mike Birbiglia]

What's up? What are those?

[Christina P.]

Exactly. That's what I wanted to show.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Is that a big lady on the right?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Christina P.]

So I think. I think it's a big white lady. And then I'm not sure what the other.

[Mike Birbiglia]

What country is he from?

[Christina P.]

It's Nigeria.

[Mike Birbiglia]

There's no way he's a local. He's just like, cool. Now I'm a citizen. I just have to. This animal.

[Christina P.]

Oh my God. Remember that one we watched where she went to Nigeria and his friends were clowning her in the airport?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh my God.

[Christina P.]

Like, she's so fat, brother.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, she's too fat. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Even he was like, you are so much bigger.

[Mike Birbiglia]

He was just like, I want to get out of here, man. I want to go to sleep. States, they're like, yeah, but come on. So fat. Big like man, so fat.

[Christina P.]

I think I read some. Or no, I wouldn't even read. It was just a tik tok video of like, what's most important to men is definitely that their wife stays in decent shape and stays trim. Cuz I do think it is mucho depressing when you marry somebody who looks like gorgeous and then you're like, what.

[Mike Birbiglia]

The One of those.

[Christina P.]

Which is really easy to happen after kids. It's hard.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, I know. The sad ones are like when they put it on social media and they're like, this is when he married her and this is her now. She's.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, I mean, we all know those couples. And you're just like, you know that a. She's not happy, he's not happy. No, it's not happy. Nobody's happy there except for those two. What do you think? Any. They look thrilled.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, I mean, I don't know what they are, so I don't know if they have emotion. Do we have what they are?

[Christina P.]

Do we have more gay videos for any little concern?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Sure.

[Christina P.]

It's my favorite.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's in the gay stuff for any folder. Are these the ones that you've sent me in my reel that I refused to respond to? Is that what this is? It's all day with you, by the way. It's all day, bro. I get more notifications from you then the girl, then friends. Tom Segura sent you another real, bro. I've disabled my Instagram notification because it was ridiculous, man. It's all the goddamn time. It's like, how do you even have that many gay things to send? You just got like a gay account on Instagram. Who's got gay Thompson?

[Christina P.]

I told you, it's thoughts all day, every day.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Well, this is what's doing it.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. That's all he wants is dick stuff.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, I bet this is his whole feed now.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, of course.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Well, here's the thing. I had a. I had some cool gay one and I usually send. I used to send them just to Chris DiStefano because he's always like, yeah, but then I sent it to Emmy. He was like, I don't like this. And I was like, oh, of course. I should have just shut my mouth.

[Christina P.]

See some highlight mostly.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Top.

[Tom Segura]

Really? I finally found a top here. Really? Yeah. Can you guess what I am?

[Mike Birbiglia]

You look like a bottom.

[Tom Segura]

You're right. So how long. How long would you last with me in bed?

[Mike Birbiglia]

25 minutes.

[Tom Segura]

Wow, 25. I can only go like five to 10, though. Okay. Because it hurts too much.

[Mike Birbiglia]

You want it quick, we'll do it quick.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Where would you come at?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Probably in you.

[Christina P.]

I mean, this is just a stranger. This is a conversation between two strangers.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Dudes are wild. This is. This is how every. By the way, every straight guy wants to talk like this.

[Christina P.]

Of course. But women put the brakes on it.

[Mike Birbiglia]

They do.

[Christina P.]

Because we're like, what are you talking? I don't even know.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And then we go, that's. Fuck. This guy's an animal. But every straight guy would love to meet a girl and be like, I'd love to come inside of you, but it's not allowed. You can't talk like that to a woman.

[Christina P.]

Well, and the women that would be open to that.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. Well, there's a few you can say it to, but they're not exactly. Bring her home to meet Mom. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

They're not the marrying.

[Mike Birbiglia]

No. Yeah. Cabo Sade. That girl.

[Christina P.]

It's like that Australian girl that's, like, banging thousands.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P.]

She's like, I can't wait to be stretched out today. I can't wait to be put in a hospital. I'm, like, so nasty. I don't even want to say her name.

[Mike Birbiglia]

A thousand men. Yeah, like a thousand. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

So gross, man.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I want him out of cam. Yeah, she has really gross, dude. So what do you think of that one? No response to your. Okay. I hate this. Okay. It's ridiculous, man. I'm gonna block you soon. Oh, stop. I'm gonna block you soon.

[Christina P.]

Wait, what part don't you like? They're just talking.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Part don't.

[Christina P.]

I like talking.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I wonder. Do you don't like conversations? Let's put our thinking cap.

[Christina P.]

What's wrong with you? He's so.

[Tom Segura]

I leave his load. I have a load inside me right now. Does that mean you're gonna. Or what?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Or what?

[Tom Segura]

Do you want me to. I haven't off in, like, a week.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I've been taking loads to save up.

[Tom Segura]

To give you your load.

[Mike Birbiglia]

This is.

[Christina P.]

This is unreal.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I know.

[Christina P.]

You gotta be gay. I think you need to be gay.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I gotta be gay.

[Christina P.]

Well, with all your thoughts and your dreams and your wishes and your hopes.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, Bro, if this was your feed, what would you think? This wasn't my feed. This was Christina. It was. No, Christina said this.

[Christina P.]

I didn't send this one in.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I didn't send this in.

[Christina P.]

Did I send this one in, Josh? No, I didn't send.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I wonder how it got here. Wait, did I send this One in.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. Yeah. Mine's just the gross couple friendship. I don't think this one came from you. Oh, no, I didn't.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I. I try to. I try to send any, like, cool ones. Cool ones? Yeah. What's the difference with a cool one? You want to go through the. The DMs.

[Christina P.]

Yes.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. I mean, I can't honestly.

[Christina P.]

Don't you have a folder of cool stuff?

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina P.]

No. Show any. What you're. What's in the folder?

[Mike Birbiglia]

This is the folder.

[Christina P.]

Oh, this is. Okay. Okay.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. No, I'm going to. What do I do? What's it called?

[Christina P.]

Here's my question. I wish we had a gay here. Is that they're so indiscriminate, these gentlemen. Like, are they attracted to each other? Does even matter? Do you know what I mean, Tom?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Does it even matter that they both find each other attractive? Or is it just. I'll come anywhere, any time with whoever you answer. You're familiar with this community.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I'm trying to send. Which. Which do I send it to?

[Tom Segura]

You. Are you sending them on Instagram?

[Mike Birbiglia]

I can send it.

[Christina P.]

You can just send them to the ymh. Okay.

[Mike Birbiglia]

To YMH account.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. Okay, then. This is for gays watching and listening. I'm sure there's a couple. Just two of you.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Does it matter if you're even attracted to the guy talking to you? Do you have, you know, is it just about coming and, you know, I.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Imagine it's just like us. Like, it's just, you know, depends how long it's been and how drunk you are.

[Christina P.]

Oh, got it. So it's. They could be pigs if you really, really want it.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Like, it's been 12 days. You're like, I don't give a.

[Christina P.]

See women. We're not like that. Not. Not built like that.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Most.

[Christina P.]

This guy looks awesome. Hell yeah, I like this guy. I like them black and gay because I know that upsets anymore when it's his tribe.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Hell yeah. This ain't my tribe.

[Christina P.]

It's half tribe, meaning the black side.

[Mike Birbiglia]

No Filipinos. None of my tribe guys buy my lipsticks.

[Christina P.]

Christinap.com get all the flavors, all four colors. The perfect for right now. Christina p.com thank you to everybody that bought my lipsticks for Mother's Day. I hope your lady enjoyed them. I love making them. I'm wearing the perfect red right now.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Wearing the perfect red.

[Christina P.]

I'm going to have that. I wore the perfect red to your premiere.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I sent a few of these to. To the ymh. If you Go. If you pull that up. These are things I've sent. Any that he's like, no, I don't like this. Oh, that's how I talk. That's what this is.

[Christina P.]

No, I don't like this.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I don't like this anymore.

[Christina P.]

I'm not into this. Gay.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Okay. So I sent him this one about the blow. You know what? I don't even know if you're gay. I don't even know if he gay. That's okay. Okay. That one's okay. That's okay. Really? All right, Cool, cool, cool.

[Christina P.]

That one screams. Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I don't even know. I can't see. I can't see the other dude. I sent you this one.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, man.

[Mike Birbiglia]

See? Yeah, know. I saw. May I help you manage your phone from the ranger station? Sure, come on in. Come on in.

[Christina P.]

I don't need to show the door closing.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Could have cut only to the left.

[Christina P.]

Thank you.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's it? It's just a guy. A neighbor just. You're just borrowing his phone.

[Christina P.]

How'd that make you feel?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Terrified. But there's nothing. He just. Can I borrow your phone? That's my worst nightmare. A black guy saying, can I use your phone? Nah, worse. Not n. I step into a motherfucker's house, he just come out his room shirtless, man. No, no, don't do this. What do you need? I have money, sir. Here's another one.

[Tom Segura]

Terrifying.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Don't touch me.

[Tom Segura]

I was booked to do a live.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Show, and I was under the impression it was supposed to be at a bar. I'm sorry if there was any confusion. As you can see, this isn't a bar, but it is my resort.

[Christina P.]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

This is the address. I was supposed to come two.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Well, it did in fact, book two, but for a private performance for me. Wow. Oh, well, I can get into that.

[Christina P.]

That's not even a setup. It's like, do they. Why even have this stuff in gay movies? Just.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Well, the Straits do it, too. They're like, yeah, it's true. So this one. He really didn't.

[Christina P.]

This one's my favorite.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. Oh, man. I ain't even know. He took his headphones off.

[Tom Segura]

I said, good morning.

[Mike Birbiglia]

This is what I deal with on.

[Tom Segura]

A daily basis when I'm not in.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Trouble in your life. Come on, man.

[Christina P.]

It's so sweet. They're so.

[Mike Birbiglia]

There's just people having fun. Say good morning. Good morning. Good morning. I didn't say good morning.

[Christina P.]

Good morning.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, I'm sorry, I can't hear what you're saying. Say good Morning. Say good morning. I ain't saying nothing. I ain't saying nothing. And they shouldn't be saying nothing. They should be keeping this behind closed doors. Nobody wants to see this.

[Christina P.]

Look how cute they are.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Play bites. What's wrong with you? Hey, any. I'm a quit man, Tom, why don't you.

[Christina P.]

Tom doesn't even nibble me like those two gates.

[Mike Birbiglia]

What?

[Christina P.]

You don't nibble me like that.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I just went mute. Did that fall out? Oh, that's what you get. That's what your ass gets. Sorry, I lost my headphones.

[Christina P.]

He was too excited.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, I also sent him this because I think you like this kind of.

[Christina P.]

That's what you get. Oh, I like this one. Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

You know, it's crazy. I'm so not into the gay that I'm like, you know what? This is fine. This I'll. With this. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

I love these. You can show me.

[Mike Birbiglia]

There's a couple things that I know that Annie goes no to. One is gay, but the other is women farting. That's true. He doesn't like that. But after gay, like, low key, like, I'm attracted to this one. Please, anything, anything else, please. Please, just give me anything. Oh, man.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, he's been starving in the desert. Oh, there are these two again.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, yeah. Well, they're talking, though. Actually, it's different, guys. Your walls are so soft.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And they have, like, suction on it.

[Tom Segura]

So when I'm in there, it's like.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And it's so soft. It's so wet.

[Christina P.]

Like, I'm gonna puke too.

[Mike Birbiglia]

You just be so wet. Like, especially like when you ride from me. Yeah. Like, you'll. Your is so soft. Okay. Anyway, that's the kind of stuff I sent him. And he's like, I'm gonna block you all day. I don't even know how you have time. Like, you're a busy man. Yeah, well, let's switch it up to something that's a little nicer.

[Christina P.]

Too busy for work.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Okay, this is. This is a different theme here. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

I had a threesome with a guy and his mom. And that was like his birth mother.

[Mike Birbiglia]

When you say threesome, everybody interacted with.

[Tom Segura]

Each other sucking dick. He said, and I quote, do what you do best and come suck this dick. To his mother.

[Mike Birbiglia]

To his mother.

[Christina P.]

She got on her knees and she did what she was told to do.

[Tom Segura]

I ain't gonna lie.

[Christina P.]

I got turned on after she stopped sucking his dick.

[Mike Birbiglia]

He looked at me and he was.

[Tom Segura]

Like, come suck this dick.

[Christina P.]

And so I went And I sucked his dick. I mean, but yo, she couldn't.

[Mike Birbiglia]

She was gobbling and she eat some good, too. You guys are doing good. That was a whole new. We've never.

[Christina P.]

I don't want to go down this route. This is fine for me to never explore. Thank you.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That was a lot, right?

[Christina P.]

That was moose soup for sure.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, yeah, that was.

[Christina P.]

I don't want any part of that.

[Mike Birbiglia]

She had a threesome with a. I got it.

[Christina P.]

Thank you. I understood it. She made it very clear. What is wrong with you? I have sons. I don't want to think about this.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That was really cool, though. That was cool. That was so unique.

[Christina P.]

Well, it's cool that she's super turned on.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Also the detail also, that is, I think, best of that clip.

[Christina P.]

Sick.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Is that the guy said to his mother, do what you do best.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, I'm gonna puke. Thanks.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Which is like, you know how you do this all the time? You're the best. Mom.

[Tom Segura]

Mom.

[Christina P.]

Bye. Bye. Well, it's not even like if this woman is a sex worker and she's like. And then I had to do what I had to do. She's like, I loved it.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. I'm like, yeah, that's pretty rough.

[Christina P.]

You belong with these people.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Real quick, two other things here I wanted to show you. You pointed out. Did you point out that Katy Perry has dancing?

[Christina P.]

Oh, my God.

[Mike Birbiglia]

This is. I saw her.

[Christina P.]

So as predicted, by the way.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

She's. She's been, you know, annoying for a long time because she's on the Voice, I think as a judge. And she went to space and everybody was like, why didn't we just leave her in space? Because she's insufferable. Well, she's touring now and what she is passing off as dance moves.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Is pathetic.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Well, yeah, because.

[Christina P.]

Gotta see this.

[Mike Birbiglia]

These guys are supposed to, you know, they hire choreographers that make them do. Yeah, cool.

[Christina P.]

You're supposed to do this stuff.

[Mike Birbiglia]

If you're that like that. The regular person goes, God damn, that's wild.

[Christina P.]

Right? But if you're gonna do a show like she's doing on the scale, big shows, it should be tight. Watch her moves. Even moving her legs. Just her arm.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I mean.

[Christina P.]

What is happening? This is what my five year old, six year old does when he comes home from kindergarten. They're cheering for this. Well, their fans are dumber than she is. Oh, my God.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's pretty bad. What?

[Christina P.]

Oh, the backup dancer is just as lazy. Look, he's doing the same.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That was pretty bad. Horrible. Not good.

[Christina P.]

Even I could do better than that. And I'm no dancer.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

I put energy into it.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

That was bad.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Pretty bad.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. It's like, I mean, I hope you're not paying a choreographer for that.

[Christina P.]

I don't know. And her hair looks stupid.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I hired one.

[Christina P.]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And they gave me better moves than that.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. She doesn't even move her leg. Her legs are locked, and she's going, and she's just moving her arms. Yeah. Yeah. Was that guy. Was it Frankie Valli? We were making fun of him because he's nine. He's got more energy.

[Mike Birbiglia]

He does. That was.

[Christina P.]

She does.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's embarrassingly bad.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. Sucks.

[Mike Birbiglia]

One thing I guess I didn't get to talk about on this show last time I got to do it on Kimmel. And so I wanted to share it with the audience is I feel like, you know, we. We rib bird a lot, but you got to give him credit where credit's due, too. And so I'll share this clip with you guys, and we can talk about it. Spoken to a few people over the.

[Tom Segura]

Last week who have been Talking about.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Your 5K that you had with your buddy Bert Kreischer. Yes. In Tampa over there. Yeah. We just did it yesterday. You know, Jelly Roll also came out and did this. He did it last year. And then this year, one year later, he was down £130 and did it yesterday again, and he wants to lose another 100. And then, Burt, last year when he did it, you know, he had just found out he had type 2 diabetes, and then he. Yes. Like, right before he got the clear that he no longer has diabetes. So that's a huge thing from training like that. He thinks he had it because he was eating too much fruit. And I was like, that's not. He's like. He's like, I love mango. I'm like, you don't eat 70 a day. Like, it's probably your other thing. Well, I remember. So, I mean, you know, if you are watching or listening, send Bert a message. You know, congratulations on diabetes, on beating diabetes.

[Christina P.]

He did what an amazing thing.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, I know. And he. He hadn't, like, it's one of the few things he hadn't boasted about, but I was kind of boasting for him. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

So what a good friend you are.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Thank you. You know, you know what to do. Go ahead and. And put the messages out there. Let them know that you're proud of him, because that's a big deal.

[Christina P.]

He beat the sugar.

[Mike Birbiglia]

He beat the sugar. Yeah. Let's take a quick break, and we'll be right back. And we are back. And you can see our next guest's new special, The Good Life, May 26th on Netflix. It's Mike Birbigli, everybody.

[Tom Segura]

I'm thrilled to be here.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Welcome to the program.

[Tom Segura]

We've been talking about this forever.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yes.

[Christina P.]

Well, can I tell you why? So I've never seen a Broadway show because I am a hayseed. I'm very uncultured. I'm from Los Angeles. We don't do those things. And we're in New York. Jude Dark Titties. My agent, Andrew Russell, says you have to go see Mike Birbiglia show the Old man in the Pool. Right. Am I saying the title right? Because it's been a while.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And so Chase o' Donnell and I go to see him and the Day, and I'm like, oh, this is just gonna be. I just. I just hate this kind of stuff. I'm not artistic. And, you know, Mipiglia is so smart, and he doesn't curse, and he's not a derelict like me. And. But anyway, I got. I'm gonna cry because it. Your show was so thoughtful. Oh, my God, I am gonna cry. And the topic was so hard to do in such a funny and thoughtful way. And I don't want to give away the ending, but what you do at the very end of that show has stuck with me.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P.]

For years. And now here's the crazy thing. So I see your show, and then, you know, a year later, I'm dealing with breast cancer, and I just remember your show, and about that moment at the end, which I won't give away, and I was like, wow. And that's. It just carries with me because when you realize how finite this all is and how fragile life is, and you start to really go for things that you normally wouldn't, and you don't give a shit what people think about you as much, and you just go for it. And anyway, I want to thank you, and you should all see it, because he's fantastic. Even though I know you're not running it anymore.

[Tom Segura]

I'm sure it's on Netflix, though.

[Christina P.]

Oh, well, watch that, too.

[Tom Segura]

Thanks.

[Christina P.]

Okay, so tell me about the new one.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Wow. Jesus. Can we take a moment? I know, but, God, he's brilliant. Making me. Jesus, you're making me tear up.

[Christina P.]

Oh, really? Well, yeah, let's watch it.

[Tom Segura]

But it's true, though. I was watching the. Your episode with Sebastian Maniscalco of this show, and I love that Episode. And the things that you guys were talking about, I found really relatable. You were talking about, like, your kid. You know, my daughter's just turned 10. And your kids.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Or like, almost six and nine.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And it's like, talking about, like. Like, missing any of it. It's like, what's it worth? Because it can just all go in a snap. It's like, we don't know. It's like that thing. It's like, we don't know if we're in the first act or the second act or the third act. We don't know if there's gonna be a second act.

[Christina P.]

I just got the chills. And you get it. Well, because that happened to us, where you just get a phone call one day. Oh, my God, when I cry again. And there's like. You just get a phone call.

[Tom Segura]

No, I know.

[Christina P.]

One day you think you're just living your life, and then it turns out you're gonna just fight for your life. And you're like, but I was just on this ship that was doing. What are you talking about? I'm fine. No, no, you're gonna be fighting for your life, and then you win. And you're like, oh, my God, what do I do now? Hopefully I get another 20 years or whatever. If you're lucky, you don't. Just don't know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And it can happen young, too. You could just.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, I know.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Happens all the time.

[Christina P.]

Die walking across the street. It's so horrible.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that. So that special is Old man in the pool. And then this one's called the Good Life. And. And it similarly, like, it's about things that are, like, the unfunny part of life. Like, it's about how my dad had a stroke, like, a year ago. And, you know, the first joke I found in it was like, it's been devastating, but if I'm being honest, like, it has calmed him down. And, you know, I was a kid, he'd be like, where are my goddamn keys? And now he's like, keys? It is more polite.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, that's very funny.

[Tom Segura]

But, like, it's been, like, honestly, like, digging into this thing of, like, what. When I started writing this, this new hour, it was two years ago, and it was all about, like, what can I teach my daughter? You know, when you're a parent, sometimes you're like, I don't know anything. Like.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Like.

[Tom Segura]

Like, my. I max out at, like, age seven. Like, I'm killing it to age seven. Then after that, I don't know a lot of this.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But then like when my dad had a stroke, it's like, oh, I started thinking about, like, now I have to explain, like the big things to my daughter. And so that's like what the show is all about. So similar, like, in terms of like the weightiness of old man.

[Mike Birbiglia]

How did you. How did, like, what was the idea as far as getting into this style of show? Because, like, I remember, you know, when I say when you started, but like when I first learned of you. Right. It's like a regular stand up, regular. Yeah. Show. I remember obviously you were a really good writer because you would read there was like the Microbiglia Journal.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah, yeah. Bob and Thomas. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Read those pages and it was like, oh, this guy's obviously like a. You're a good writer, you know, so. But then you go now to, to move it into a show that's a. It's a different style show. One man. Shows are, are obviously, they're like, they're more emotional. There's a whole different thing going. Like, was it like a calculated thing? Like, I want to transition to these types of shows.

[Tom Segura]

It was funny. It was like the. I was at Aspen Comedy Festival and the Moth, which is a storytelling series.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

They asked me and it was like Burr and like Gene Garofalo, Lewis Black, handful of people to tell stories. And they kind of like taught us how to tell a story and that kind of thing. It was like 2003.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

It was a while ago. Yeah. And I told this story. I'd never really told a proper, like, beginning metal and end story before on stage. And I told this story about how when I was in high school, I had my first girlfriend and she told me not to tell anyone, that I would. She was my girlfriend because she had another. She had another boyfriend in another town or whatever. No. And so I'm like, okay, you know, because it's your first girlfriend, you're like, okay, whatever it takes. You know what I mean? And then she invites me to meet her parents for the first time. And I go over to her house and we're hanging out and then there's this other guy there and I'm like slowly realizing, oh, that's the other.

[Mike Birbiglia]

No, this chick's wild.

[Tom Segura]

It was wild. No. And I think she is. Yeah. But so. And then at one point, so he, he. The guy invites us to go to his house to hang out and we. I go and I meet his parents. And the punchline of it, it's like, it's very nerve Wracking. Meeting your girlfriend's boyfriend's parents for the first time. It's like, you're angry, you're upset, but you also want to make a good impression. And so I told that on stage and, like, at the moth. And then I had this thing where I was, like, the. Kind of similar to, like, when I started doing standup in, like, the late 90s after I saw Stephen Wright, and I was like, oh, I should write jokes. You know what I mean? Like, that's what happened. That's how I started doing stand up. But that was the first time, 2003, where I was like, oh, I should tell stories. Like, this is crazy. Like, the feeling in the room when you tell a story that, like, the audience doesn't know which way to go.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Is. It was such a rush.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I started, like, writing a lot of stories, and then when I sleepwalk walked through a second story window, I was like. Then it was like, oh, this is a show. And I started working with a director, this guy Seth Barras, who had done.

[Christina P.]

Repeat that. Sorry, just repeat that last bit because there are people who may not be familiar. So just repeat what you just said, because it's wild.

[Tom Segura]

So this is old hat to me because I wrote, you know, a show about it, you know, and then I wrote a book about it and a movie, a movie with a Sundance, and it's called Sleepwalk With Me. I have a serious sleep disorder, which some people think is REM Sleep Behavior disorder. Rbd. And. And I. It got so bad when I didn't treat it that I jumped through the second story of a La Quinta Inn in Walla Walla, Washington. So that's true. I'm not.

[Christina P.]

The words are so comedic.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And does the fall. What is what wakes, like, snaps you out of that?

[Tom Segura]

So I jumped through. So the. The dream was that and I jumped through the window like the Hulk. Like the Incredible Hulk. Whoa. Because it was the winter. Windows are closed. So I jump. I had a dream I was a guy. There was a guided missile headed towards my room, jumped out of bed. You know, people who have rbd, like, sometimes act out their dreams really extreme ways. So I jumped through the window, and then I landed on the front lawn, kept running. And this is like. This is the part that I remember vividly.

[Christina P.]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

Where I'm running, and I'm slowly realizing I'm on the front lawn of La Quinta in. In Walla Walla, Washington, in my underwear, bleeding. Bleeding, yeah. And I'm like, oh, no. And in that. And. But then I realized it, and at that moment I was relieved that I hadn't been hit by the missile. Right?

[Christina P.]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

You're like, oh, it's like your. Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

High action.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Which is great, by the way. Your show is fantastic.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Thank you.

[Tom Segura]

And you're. I'm sure you probably hear this a lot. It's a great actor too.

[Christina P.]

He is.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Thanks, man.

[Tom Segura]

You're great.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yes, thank you, dude. That's very.

[Tom Segura]

That's the part I didn't know. It's like, I always thought you were funny. I didn't know you could act like in play nine parts.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Thanks, man, but good job.

[Tom Segura]

So, yeah, so I jumped through the window and. And yeah, I lived to tell it. And then that show became a whole thing.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I remember that show being quite big. But can we go back to the details of like, you go back into the hotel.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Do you have to tell the manager, like, hey, so here's what's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, There we go. There we go. There's a plaque that we sent them to put up on the wall and it's there still.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's awesome.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You know, it's funny. There's a great follow up to this, which is. Yeah. In this room, January 26, 2005, comedian Mike Birbigli sleepwalked out the window. That story became based the basis for a book and feature film, Sleepwalk with Me.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Seriously? Google it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. And so this winter like the 20th year anniversary. Yeah, that's, that's. I took those photos the night I jumped through the window. That's like the real serrated glass.

[Christina P.]

Oh my God.

[Tom Segura]

In a while.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

And so the 20 year anniversary, we took a camera crew back to. To Walla Walla and I went to the hotel, talked to the guy from.

[Mike Birbiglia]

The front desk also, by the way.

[Tom Segura]

I interviewed the guy from the front desk.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Fun. To show people how, how comedians travel.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, I know.

[Mike Birbiglia]

This is like what we do completely for 15 years. Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So. So. So I went. So I went back in January, interviewed the guy from the front desk and I go, did it? Is it. How is it how you remember when I tell the story on this American Life, whatever is how you remember it. And he goes, you weren't in your underwear. That was it.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. Because you weren't in your underwear.

[Christina P.]

And.

[Tom Segura]

But it's funny how memory works. He goes, you were wearing a robe. I absolutely was not wearing a robe. Yeah, I don't own a robe. Yeah, there was Not a robe.

[Christina P.]

Not at the La Quinta.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's not the Waldorf.

[Tom Segura]

But it's funny how memory works. But it's like, like. But I interviewed all the people. I interviewed the doctor who put stitches in my legs at the hospital, and I interviewed, like, there were people. There were cops who were on the radio that night who were like, oh, yeah, yeah. They. I. This was on the radio. They. They said there's an incident, and this guy's at the hospital now. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

So wait, how do they prevent you from doing this now? Do they?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. How did you start to treat it?

[Tom Segura]

So for a period of time, I. I was taking. I. I still take Klonopin, and I know I don't love it.

[Christina P.]

Knockout.

[Tom Segura]

I don't love it. I've been weaning myself off of it slowly, but, like, it's a lot. And then for a long time, I, I. It's a. It sounds like a bit, but I slept in a sleeping bag.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I wore mittens, so I couldn't open the sleeping bag. That was something the doctor told me. Yeah, yeah.

[Christina P.]

Like keeping you alive.

[Tom Segura]

Mittens on. Yeah, yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Because, I mean, you know, you could have been on the 18th floor. Oh.

[Tom Segura]

So for a long time, I wouldn't stay on the second floor. That's the college I performed at that day. I performed at two colleges that day. It was like, Whitman College and maybe like, Cascadia College. I was on, like, this is, like, a period in my life where I had done NACA conferences, which are, like, these college booking conferences I never got booked. And I was doing, like. Like, I was doing, I don't know, 50, 100 colleges a year. So I'm, like, driving around and I'm like, you know, barely making enough money to get by. And, like, and it was in. And. And I was so sleep deprived.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So a lot of it was sleep deprivation. So, like, a big thing in my life now is, like, get the sleep. Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I remember NACA was such, like. By the way, you find out about it and you're like, everyone's like, that's what you want to do, bro. You want to get NACA to sign off on you and get college gigs.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And we were, like, all trying because.

[Christina P.]

The money was so good.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And remember, you'd have to write, like, six checks. NACA West, NECA South.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Christina P.]

Is that just me? Am I the idiot? It was a national fortune.

[Tom Segura]

Pacific Northwest. That was from Pacific Northwest. So. Yeah. So that. So that was how I started telling stories. And then. And Then.

[Mike Birbiglia]

So then you found you had, like. You had a lane kind of. Right. You're like, oh, I have this.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It's weird. I didn't. I did not mean to have Elaine, but it ended up being that.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Wait, so after this, were you like, hey, I stay on first floor. Only for a long time probably, right?

[Tom Segura]

For a long time. Like, my agent, Mike Berkowitz, would call and just be like, mike is staying on the first floor. And it was a secret. Like, we weren't telling people because I didn't want people to think I was insane.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, of course.

[Tom Segura]

And they'd be like, why? And he'd be like, that's what Mike Birbiglia wants.

[Mike Birbiglia]

You know, that's his rider. Yeah. That's hilarious. Did you ever go somewhere where they're like, we don't have anything. Like, you have to be on the 10th floor.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Really? Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. But then, like, at one point, an engineer explained to me that, like, if you're staying in a good hotel, and the glass, you literally couldn't jump through it.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, if you're staying at, like, a Weston or something, like, you. You couldn't jump through the window of the 10th floor. Like, that's, like. Essentially, it's the equivalent of, like, jumping into the wall, right?

[Christina P.]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's a different level of glass than.

[Tom Segura]

Walla Walla Walla Wallace. Yeah. But it's funny, because you and I. You and I haven't crossed paths that much, but for years we have, because you tell stories, too. Like, we have a lot of people who are like, I love Sagura. I love Birbiglia. We're in the same conversation a lot. But.

[Mike Birbiglia]

But I. Yeah, I do, like. I do do a lot of storytelling, but I feel like what you're doing, that is like a show that's a story, Right? Like, that. That's something I've never attempted, you know? Like, that's very cool. I think.

[Tom Segura]

You think you might.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's never occurred to me. I don't know. I mean, I. The way I do it now is like. Yeah. The hour is littered with different. Like, it kind of goes in and out of stories.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

But, you know, I find what you're doing, like, with these types of specials and shows, it's its own thing. I think it's kind of like the ultimate storytelling thing is, like, this is a show that's. That's a story, right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Thanks, man.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. Very cool.

[Christina P.]

How did you get to Broadway with it? Like, how. How did you go from Like, I'm a stand up comedian to. I'm gonna break into this world. That's so. At least to someone who grew up in Los Angeles. So foreign.

[Tom Segura]

No, totally. And to me it was because, like, I grew up in, like, outside of Worcester, Massachusetts. Like, I never went to Broadway. I never were Broadway people.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Like, oh, Jesus. Comedian.

[Tom Segura]

I think maybe.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, yeah. Because they seem very.

[Tom Segura]

Some of them are into it. Some of them, I think, are not.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But like, Patti LuPone came to old man in the Pool. Like, and like, Nathan Lane presented my first show. So there's the people. A lot of the people I respect are really Nathan.

[Christina P.]

How did you get to know Nathan Lane?

[Tom Segura]

So Nathan Lane had that. And that's really, in some ways why I had legitimacy in the theater world is Nathan Lane had a few of my comedy albums, like my, like, Two Drink Mike and I think my Secret Public Journal Live. And he really liked this one story I. I tell from Secret Public Journal Live where I. I was in a. This True story. Years ago, I was in a celebrity golf tournament and I was paired up with this for charity. And I was paired up with these two guys and my brother Joe. And these guys said to me, they go, who do you think our celebrity is going to be? And I was like, oh, no, I think it might be me. And then, like, I'm apologizing to the guys, like, I'm so sorry I'm your celebrity. Do you think this is disappointing for you? You can't imagine how disappointing it is for me. And that was just like. And that was like this pain, this really painful hell gig story that Nathan really liked. And then he. And then he came to my show at Caroline's and I was actually doing all this sleepwalking stuff. And he was on Broadway at the time. He was in the David Mamet play called November. It was like 2007, 2008. And he, like, loved the show. He loved the sleepwalking show. And he sent. He like, literally, like, sent me a note. Hey, I love this show. I was so nervous because I knew he was in the audience. They told me at Caroline's. He's in the audience.

[Christina P.]

Oh, why did they tell you?

[Tom Segura]

They shouldn't tell you. I shouldn't tell me?

[Christina P.]

No.

[Tom Segura]

So I was so nervous. And then he didn't come back because he's shy in real life. And then. And then I wrote him a note back. And then we had dinner. And then. And then, like, we became friends. And I said, would you ever consider, like, presenting this show? I have this show called Sleepwalk with Me. And he was like, sure. Like, and. And then it didn't. It ran for eight months off Broadway. And so that was like. And so then like two shows later. So then there was a lot of talk at that point of like, maybe this show could go to Broadway. And it didn't. And then I had another show called My Girlfriend's Boyfriend is Off Broadway. That's on. I know it's not on Netflix, but it was for a while. And then. And. And they were like, maybe this could go to Broadway. It didn't. But then the. I think it was. Yeah, the new one. And then the old man in the pool ended up making it there.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's pretty amazing.

[Tom Segura]

It's weird.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, it's amazing.

[Christina P.]

But what a difference too, in performing. Because as stand ups, like Tom and I are more club comedy people, I guess our origins, like you were doing colleges. We were doing. And the difference with Broadway.

[Tom Segura]

I've seen clubs do that.

[Christina P.]

No, I know, I'm just fucking. But what stands out to me, I think I'm projecting because I'm more of a dirtbag. I like that environment, is people actually listen when you're doing a Broadway show and they're not incoherently drunk or vomiting. And it's a different dynamic entire.

[Mike Birbiglia]

This isn't a pound of wings. It says a pound of wings on the menu.

[Christina P.]

You're not contending with any other pound of wings.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, no. And I think that's part of what hooked me into doing theaters at all was people listen.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Because, like, I started out working the door at the Washington D.C. improv when I was in college in the late 90s.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Great club.

[Tom Segura]

And I was like, okay, like. Like I could work clubs. And I started working like funny bones and improvs out of school. And I was like opening for a ton of people. And then I opened for the first Comedy Central live tour. I did like five or six of the dates. Was Mitch Hedberg, Lewis Black and Dave Attell. Crazy. Oh, my God, Unbelievable lineup. And I did Philadelphia, I did dc, I did New York City. And I called and I was like, people listen. People are listening to the jokes because they're not really drinking that much. They're seated, they're looking at you as opposed to looking away from you.

[Mike Birbiglia]

So crazy watching the show like this.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. And I literally call my agent. I go like, dude, you gotta book me in theaters.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And he was like, you don't have enough fans to fill a theater. And I was like, smaller theaters, you Know what I mean? So, like, I. For a bunch of years there, from like 2006 through 12, I was playing like 500 to, like 900 seat theaters for much.

[Mike Birbiglia]

For a much better experience.

[Tom Segura]

It was great.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And so that was like.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, so that was still really fun. They're great. Yeah, those are the best. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So that was like. Yeah, that was. That was. That was a great.

[Mike Birbiglia]

The. By the way, the. The one time I worked a few times, but this one time I was working the Cleveland Improv.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And the Cleveland Improv used to have just a Cleveland police officer just waiting in the lobby. Why is there a cop? And they're like, oh, he's always here. Yeah, because sometimes we need him. And you're like, oh. And I'm waiting to go on the features on stage, and I hear this commotion. Like, what's going on? Well, this guy was like, the menu says a pound. Oh, my God, chicken. He goes, that wasn't a pound. And they're like, well, you ate it. Like, you ate it. He's like, but it wasn't a pound. And so the cop comes in and he's like, what's the issue? And they're like telling him. And the guy's like, look, man, either pay for your wings or I gotta take you to jail. And the guy goes like this.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And he. He took the. The ride to jail.

[Tom Segura]

The business we work in is insane.

[Christina P.]

Have you ever the Cleveland Improv that.

[Tom Segura]

I've done that one. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Yo. And they'd send me there.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Little white girl just trying to live. And I remember, like, prostitutes and johns getting thrown out.

[Tom Segura]

I was hoping for Angel Salazar there.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Check it out, Cleveland.

[Tom Segura]

Check it out, check it out.

[Mike Birbiglia]

The inbox.

[Tom Segura]

He kills, yo. He kills. And his credit is still Scarface. Shut out. But, like. But these. Oh, my God. Angel sales are. Yeah, dude, nice guy. And also, he's a. He kills. He kills.

[Mike Birbiglia]

But he's.

[Tom Segura]

But like, these. It's so hard to explain to people sometimes that the business that we work in of comedy is so low class.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's so awful.

[Tom Segura]

I was at the comedy seller the other night. We're all trading stories at the table about when we worked for mobsters who took a gun out. When you're settling with them and everyone had a different story of a different guy. And people think we're making this stuff up. And it's like, no, no. The manager puts a gun on the table. He's like, how much do I owe you? You're like, $400. He's like, I think it's 300, you know, and puts a gun on the table. These are real people.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina P.]

Some of them are dead, thankfully.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, some of them die. It's good when they die.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

I remember one. One time I had a club owner. It was. I was touring with another female comic, Instead of offering payment, offered us his ex wife's fur jacket.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that's interesting.

[Christina P.]

So that was kind of neat. There was no gun.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P.]

I'm sure he had one.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And you need a coat.

[Tom Segura]

Did you say no on the coat?

[Christina P.]

Of course. It was like, money, dummy.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P.]

I didn't come here for a Someone for a fur jacket.

[Mike Birbiglia]

One time, a guy. This is when I started to sell tickets and I had a door deal, which is like. It's very simple math, right? It was 100 of the door.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

So it was like. He goes, oh, you took your show? Sold out. He goes, can you guess what you made? I go, I don't have to guess. He's like, what do you mean? I go, well, it's just simple math, man. It's a hundred percent of this. And he goes, huh? So he goes, it's this much. And I go, no, it's not. And he goes, what do you mean? I go, you're off. It's off by, like, whatever amount. He goes, donna. So he calls in this lady and he goes. He says that it's this, but I told him it's this. What do you. What? And Donna just goes, he's right. And he goes, all right. He just changed the chat. I was like, dude, dude, I was trying to.

[Tom Segura]

I had a gig once. I won't say where it was where.

[Christina P.]

But I can guess.

[Tom Segura]

I get to the settlement, and I'm like, oh, my God. It's gonna be like, $3,000. It's gonna be so much money. I, like, packed this place, and the booker just starts crying. I swear to God, I've never told this story. Starts crying. And I was like, are you okay? She goes, we just don't have the money. It's like, how much money do you have? She's like, we have this much money. I go, that's fine.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Whatever.

[Tom Segura]

And then, like, I just was like, okay, I'm not going back, but I'm.

[Christina P.]

Gonna write down the name of this club.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christina P.]

Hold on. I. I know what I do, you know? I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

Is it this?

[Mike Birbiglia]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, but that's a good guess.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I had one where she.

[Tom Segura]

But I'm like, but with that One. It's like, where is it? Where is the money?

[Mike Birbiglia]

We don't have it.

[Christina P.]

You know what I mean?

[Tom Segura]

Where was the money? Money?

[Mike Birbiglia]

I had a lady where I teach her.

[Tom Segura]

Did she gamble the money?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yes. She gave me drugs, something. She gave me a lot of. She gave me a lot of attitude, like she was a. Gave me the check. I go to the bank, bounces.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

So I get to call her and be like, hey, your check bounced. And she was like, oh, my God, I'm so sorry. I'm like, that's a different tone from you. Yeah, yeah, because you're being. And then she mails me another check that one doesn't clear, of course. And then I go, hey, what the. And then she finally sends me a third check.

[Christina P.]

Wow. I think I remember this happening. This is around when we got married.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Because we're. And we. And we deal with it as comedians because we're so desperate.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Before you have a good agent. Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

When you're starting out, you just take anything.

[Christina P.]

Anything.

[Tom Segura]

Todd Glass said, told me the joke. Joke one. You know, Todd.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, of course.

[Tom Segura]

Told me the joke joke once of, like. You know, the one that's. You just improvise what the beginning is, and then it's. Who books that?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know that I think Todd's is like, oh, it went to. This place is West Virginia. And, you know, there's. Person has one tooth, and you have to. You have to fuck the grandmother of the person. And then you have to sleep in a cabin in the woods. And it's got, like, cockroaches on it. And then the other comic goes, who books?

[Christina P.]

Of course.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I'd love that week. Of course.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I love that week.

[Christina P.]

Because you're so desperate to get good at this thing. It's. But that's why you're entitled to make the money when you. When you finally do break through, it's like, this was 15 years of LA Quinta and.

[Tom Segura]

Yes. La Quinta in jumping. Jumping through windows out there.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, dude, give me the money.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I always told, like, one time I did a run where the guy took me, you know, it was like. It was a. A promoter who's just like, some guy. He's not a real promoter.

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And he set up these gigs. We go to Oakland, and then, like, I get into the hotel and I hear screaming. And then, like, these crazy stains. I go, what happens here, man? This seems like a pretty dicey place. He's like, I don't. I think it's all right. And I go, I don't think it's all right.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And I always. And I go, oh, bro. Because we walk in and it's the motel where the. When your door faces the street, I go, bro, oh, yeah. Doors on the street, man. Like, I would let it go somewhere.

[Tom Segura]

Tulsa last year. And it was a great show. That's a great comedy town. I'm in an Uber from the airport and the woman who's driving goes, so there's right over there on our left. There was like a shootout yesterday. And then she drives 20 more feet and goes, here's your hotel.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Pretty cool.

[Christina P.]

When I signed with Andrew Russell, I go, all right, I got a few conditions. Number one, I don't share a room with the other female act. And if you book me a hotel that has indoor facing doors, I don't face.

[Tom Segura]

It's huge.

[Christina P.]

The parking lot. And he goes, jesus Christ, what happened to you? Because, yeah, it's just torture. It's like, they're like, why aren't there more women in stand up comedy? Well, because you go through this, you have to be so severely damaged as a woman to put yourself in this world.

[Tom Segura]

Comedians stay at hotels where it's only comedians and sex workers at the hotel.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, totally.

[Tom Segura]

That's where we stay.

[Christina P.]

Or. Well, what's worse? That. Or the comedy condo.

[Tom Segura]

Comedy condo.

[Christina P.]

But I don't even know if that's.

[Tom Segura]

A thing anymore, though.

[Christina P.]

But it's covered in jizz.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, God.

[Christina P.]

And how many people have keys to that place?

[Tom Segura]

I never even thought about that. How many keys are out there?

[Mike Birbiglia]

The. They picked me up and they're taking me. I was doing Kansas City improv, which is of course like 40 minutes from Kansas City.

[Tom Segura]

Which is 40 minutes from Kansas City.

[Mike Birbiglia]

He's driving me out there and I did the usual thing where I go, who'd you have last week?

[Christina P.]

Oh, I hate that.

[Mike Birbiglia]

He goes, oh, we had. He goes, we had Jay medicine hat. Rest in peace. And I go, oh, cool. How was that? He was like, well, great shows, man. He shaved his pubes in your sink.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And I go, did you clean it it up? He goes, yeah. I go, why'd you tell me that? I think about his pubes when I'm brushing my teeth. He's like, ah, not bad. We just cleaned it up. I'm like, bro, like, those are the stories they tell you. Oh, these guys, they. They were double teaming this chick and they. In the bed. And you're like, why are you telling me that, bro? I don't want to Think about that.

[Christina P.]

Remember, he's dead now. I don't know if he's resting in peace. Glasier.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yes.

[Christina P.]

Craig Glazier.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I don't remember. He's dead.

[Christina P.]

I could say stuff.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I think his brother's. Oh, my God. What's his name? Bright Brido. Mike Bridenstine just wrote a book about that guy.

[Christina P.]

Okay, so Craig Glazier's. He. Glazier wrote a book about himself. He was such a criminal.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

He would pick me up for morning radio in tearaway sweatpants.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And then Missouri.

[Tom Segura]

What city?

[Christina P.]

Kansas City.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P.]

Stanford. Stanford.

[Tom Segura]

The guys. Who, the brothers? Yes, the two brothers. Those guys are wild. Wait, are they still alive?

[Christina P.]

Let's make sure.

[Tom Segura]

Because those guys are wild.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, bro, he's dead, right? Yeah, he's dead as of 2018. But his brother. I don't know if that guy's still alive. Anyway, Glazier was a super cool dude. Okay. Jack's dead. He'd pick you up from morning radio at, you know, 5:36am to promote Stanford and Sons.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Not to be confused with Sanford and Sons, the TV show in Kansas City. And then he'd. He'd come in, he'd be like, you're preparing stories.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P.]

And I was like, I. I guess. Yeah. And then he'd sit in on your radio so that he was on a mic too.

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Christina P.]

And participate.

[Tom Segura]

We gotta get that guy in. He's good.

[Christina P.]

He's good.

[Tom Segura]

He's good.

[Christina P.]

And then you get in the car with him and they go, what do you think your grade was for?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Radio.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, God.

[Christina P.]

I'm gonna give you a grade. Christine, what's your grade?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, geez.

[Christina P.]

And I'm like, I don't know. Pretty A plus, pre grade. He's like, B plus, maybe B minus. Like, he's just such a. I remember.

[Tom Segura]

That radio guy, too. In Kansas City. It was something like the wolf, the. The animal, the.

[Christina P.]

It's always the.

[Tom Segura]

You know what I mean? It's.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Woody and the Beaver. Yeah, yeah. The barker.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. The monster.

[Christina P.]

And then weirdly, you.

[Tom Segura]

And then weirdly, you. You have to be, like, different.

[Christina P.]

That's how we started doing that.

[Tom Segura]

You have to be deferent to this, like, essentially failed comedian.

[Christina P.]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Right. Like, most of those radio guys who we used to go were people who couldn't hack it in comedy. They end up on the show. The show takes off in that market, and then they're. Then they're real tough, real mean.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Or they would come in. I would. By the way, I was Bad, because I would go in with. If I met one of those guys.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

In the room, and I sense that from them that they're like, yeah, I'm the shit. I would be. I would just kind of shut down because they would go, what do you want me to ask you? I go, ask me whatever you want. They're like, no, we're about to go live. What's the setup? I go, there is no setup. And then they'd come back on the air, and they'd be like, so this guy, Tom, you're at the club. What's up, man? I go, what's up with you?

[Tom Segura]

My God.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I would just, like, completely, like, destroy the whole thing. And I'd leave there in the club, be like, the. Was that. And I was like, I don't know. I don't have anything to prove to that guy.

[Christina P.]

Well, because you're not moving tickets from local. Are you moving tickets?

[Tom Segura]

Some of the places, weirdly, I think you are.

[Christina P.]

There's a few, like Pittsburgh back then.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The WDBE guys. Pittsburgh were. That was a big thing. And they were funny.

[Christina P.]

I'd say Bob.

[Tom Segura]

Some of them are funny. Bob and Tom was tickets and. And Andy are funny.

[Christina P.]

Yes.

[Mike Birbiglia]

There was the.

[Christina P.]

They were good.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Preston and Steve was great.

[Tom Segura]

Preston. Steve's great in Philly.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Still great.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And that actually works.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Some of them are great monsters in the morning in Orlando that actually would move tickets. They were fun. They were fun to do Shred and.

[Tom Segura]

Regan in Buffalo, and they were funny.

[Mike Birbiglia]

They were fun.

[Tom Segura]

They were funny.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yes.

[Christina P.]

But these tiny.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Some of them.

[Tom Segura]

Some of them were brutal.

[Mike Birbiglia]

The craziest one was I did Hartford. I'll never forget.

[Christina P.]

Oh, Fartford. Comedic. The worst place on earth.

[Mike Birbiglia]

He's like, come on in. We have, like, another minute. And then, you know, just take over. And I go, what? Just take over? I go, what do you mean, take over? He goes, just do whatever you want.

[Tom Segura]

That's crazy.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And I go, I'm not gonna do anything. And he started. And then the clock's ticking down. He's like, hey, man, we're about to be. I go, you better come up with something, dude. He goes, last week, Bobby Lee was here, and he took his clothes off.

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And I go, how did that play on the radio?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And then he's like, and we're live. Just.

[Christina P.]

It's giving me anxiety just talking about it. Or they would get mad at me because I wouldn't show up all dolled up. Like. You guys didn't show up dolled up, right?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

It was six in the morning and I just. I wouldn't wear pajamas, but I wear like, I just flew in the night before. I just normal. And they're like, way to dress up, Christine.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Christina P.]

And I'm like, I don't care. No one can see me.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, we're on the radio, bro.

[Christina P.]

No one can see this, dummy. Why are you bringing it up?

[Tom Segura]

Funny thing about. I started in D.C. at a of years couple club at the door. And the funny thing when you, when you're starting out is there's a lot of hacks.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, who are the opening acts? And I was opening act, but like the other comics and they're crushing the hacks. The hacks are basically doing like 10 people's act.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Like. Or a mashup of a bunch of local references. Right.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And. And I. I didn't. I was so young. I was like 22 years old. Like, I didn't know what it meant to be a hack. Like, I was writing my own jokes, performing the jokes. And like, I would open for people and they would go, you're gonna go far in this business. Like, I would open for. I remember opening this guy, he goes in like West Virginia, he's like, you're gonna go far? I go, why? He goes, you write your joke. I go, doesn't everybody? He goes, no. And then I would. People in dc, I'm not gonna name names, but there would be people who crush. Crush at the club. And I'm like, they're gonna be huge.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then like, Dave Chappelle would come a week later and I'd be like, oh, he's doing his act.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Whoa.

[Tom Segura]

Or like a week. Yeah. A week after Dave Chappelle comes, like, there's three comics doing his jokes locally.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Nuts.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I know, it was wild. Like, I didn't even understand it.

[Christina P.]

See, I think coming up in LA is different because. You know what I mean? Like, you're gonna see all the heavy hitters at the Comedy Store every week. Yeah. If you're gonna. If you're gonna bite some guy's ax some big. It's your. Everyone's gonna know immediately.

[Tom Segura]

It's crazy.

[Christina P.]

You can't do that.

[Tom Segura]

No, it's crazy.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Do you ever have a radio? Because I had a flashback to this where they go sweating. So, like, what's going on? Like, what are you gonna do this weekend? Like, what's the. How's the show gonna be?

[Christina P.]

What are you gonna talk about this weekend?

[Mike Birbiglia]

And you're like, I don't know, they're like, give us a little taste.

[Tom Segura]

Give us a little taste.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I'll go, no. And they're like, just a little bit. Just give us a little taste.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And I'm like, I mean, I don't. I don't wanna, like, do. And they're like, just. Just give us, like, a little something. And then you go. Your body's telling. Like, your. Everything's telling. You don't.

[Christina P.]

Yes.

[Mike Birbiglia]

But then they keep saying it. So I go, all right. You know how sometimes And I. And I start doing a bit.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Oh, boy.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And then they would be like, oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

They're just. Yeah, they're staring at you.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And then, dude, I did that one time. And then my friends that were in this city.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

They're like, yo, they're playing back.

[Tom Segura]

Like, you bombing on that radio show.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And they're playing cricket noises.

[Tom Segura]

No. No.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. No. And that was like, what? Like, yeah, that's what they're doing right now on the radio.

[Tom Segura]

You and I have this thing in common. You and I have this thing in common. I was watching that great clip of. Of your mom watching your TV show.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Series is super funny. You'd have a thing in common, which is like, that's my dad with my comedy.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

My dad just doesn't really get it. You know, he'll just be like, maybe stay away from the personal stuff.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I'm like, that's kind of my.

[Tom Segura]

What we're doing here.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And, you know, when I started out working the door at the improv when I was in college, my dad was so furious. He goes, you're working at a comedy club? My dad would fly off the handle. And I go, yeah. He goes, what do they do, strip? No, they perform comedy. He's like, well, that's not your priority. You know, you go nuts. And so for years, you know, when I did the Broadway show, my first Broadway show, that was the first time where my dad was like, oh, okay. Like, this is a pretty. Like, you're on the fucking marquee.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Crazy. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But it is weird. Like, when your parents. I actually think it's kind of good when your parents don't really get what you do.

[Mike Birbiglia]

A thousand percent.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's kind of great. Like, it's kind of refreshing to see your mom be like, no, no.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. Hates it.

[Christina P.]

That's probably why you guys came over last night. Funny.

[Mike Birbiglia]

She goes, I got to tell you, if that show's really coming out, I'm like, it's coming Out.

[Tom Segura]

That's just really coming out.

[Mike Birbiglia]

She goes, I will not come to any more of your shows.

[Christina P.]

Great.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Never do your podcast. And I'll never. I go, promise?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

She was like, I just. I'm so. I'm just so upset that you're doing this.

[Christina P.]

This.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And I'm like, okay, great.

[Christina P.]

See you later. Well, my dad at first was like, you are. You are embarrassment to the family. You are not funny. You are vulgar.

[Tom Segura]

Your dad said you're not funny.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, he tells me a piece of I am. And then he started bringing his, like, Hungarian, right? Yeah, both of them are. Both my parents were Eastern European. And then he would bring his hoes to my shows, like if I was doing like a. A club in the. A Good.

[Tom Segura]

To impress them.

[Christina P.]

Yes. And then I became like, dinner night entertainment. And I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. You don't get to do this. Remember, I'm a piece of shit. I'm not funny.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I'm.

[Christina P.]

And then he got mad at me because I wouldn't let him.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, my dad had that. At one point, he brought. My dad was a doctor. My joke in the special, I go, my dad was a doctor when I was a kid. He got his law degree. And I go, that's how much he didn't want to be a dad. He was like, what can I do in these slots of time when I would be parenting? But, like, he would. One time he brought, like, a bunch of nurses from the hospital, and they were kind of wild. They. They brought like a. Like a bus. Like a party bus with, like, a stripper pole. And they were like, dancing and drunk and they were like the worst audience members.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But it was oddly kind of satisfying that my dad looked cool at work.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. That was like, is he really a doctor and a lawyer?

[Tom Segura]

He is. He. Well, he had a stroke, so he's not practicing anymore. Although he could, but the. The poor patients.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

The. He's like, what day is it? They're like, this is really important to me. But no, he. Yeah, he got his law degree, like, in his free time when I was a kid.

[Christina P.]

What.

[Tom Segura]

Never practiced him practice law, but, like, he.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Just to entertain himself.

[Tom Segura]

He's a super smart guy.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

What's your mom like?

[Tom Segura]

My mom's gray. Like, my mom is honestly, like, super religious. That's. I talk a lot in the special about how I got. I met the Pope last year, and that was like a big, big deal because I was ready.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Were you one of the comments?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

There's a bunch of comments.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, well, I certainly.

[Christina P.]

I didn't even get to hear about that.

[Tom Segura]

I didn't get to hear about it. Yeah, it was like, Chris Rock and Stephen Colbert.

[Christina P.]

Oh, my love.

[Tom Segura]

Whoopi Goldberg and Gaffigan.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Conan. And it was like, I didn't get a call either. But that's cool.

[Christina P.]

I think that they don't want us.

[Tom Segura]

I would. I feel like they would have flagged some of your content.

[Christina P.]

Maybe That's a hot.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that was us.

[Christina P.]

Oh, my goodness.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's me on the.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Right here. Rock Pope. Right.

[Tom Segura]

Rock said the funniest thing. We're walking down the hallway, and it's, you know, unbelievable. Yeah. There I am. That. That photo's in my. My parents living.

[Christina P.]

He looks so happy. What'd you say to him?

[Tom Segura]

I said, I held. Okay. So there was a sheet on my pay on my seat, and it said, Birbiglia. Mike Birbiglia. And I walked up and I held it up, and his last name before he died was Bergoglio. And I go, I am Birabilia. You are Bergoglio. I'm the next pope, you know? And then I don't think he understood, but he sort of smiled and, like, I was clearly doing a bit. It was fun. Yeah, but it was. But it was great for my. I mean, that was, like a. A big deal for my parents, because I was raised. My mom was, like, very Catholic.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know, grew up in Buffalo and, you know, went to Latin mass when she was a kid.

[Mike Birbiglia]

This would have made. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, not even in English.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's. That's hardcore.

[Tom Segura]

That's serious.

[Christina P.]

Well, your mom's pretty hardcore, too.

[Mike Birbiglia]

This would have made my mother just weep. Oh, my gosh.

[Christina P.]

Why can't you do a nice show like this one?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Why can't you be, like, a m.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So. So, yeah, there's Conan and.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Wait, what'd you say?

[Tom Segura]

Rock said Dreyfus. Oh, yeah. I was walking down the hall, like, that hallway actually was Rock. And I go. I go, what do you think of all this? And he looks around at, like, these ornate ceilings and walls. He goes, well, it's not a union job. It was a great joke.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's great.

[Christina P.]

Oh, that's great.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

What a unique. Isn't that amazing? So we just got, like, the depths of horror, of comedy, and then. How random that you get to meet the Pope doing. Because you're a comedian.

[Tom Segura]

No, it's so strange.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. There's so many great things to it.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I think in our in our. The three of us, in our career span, comedy went from being kind of a dirt bag, kind of nightclub sport.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

To being like pop culture. The Pope was inviting us a little bit. It's propaganda. He's giving a speech. Comedy's important at this moment in time. You know, it brings people together and all this stuff. What he's really trying to do is say, like, it's cool to be pious and. And care about things and connect people. And it was good. It was a good speech. I mean, it really was like. And he gave us these rosary beads that he blessed. And so I brought him home to my parents. And like, you know, your mom, she loved that.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. They must have been like, well, you did well, son. You. You got invited to meet the Pope. It's pretty crazy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It's a strange turn because I was an altar boy as a kid and all that.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

My joke in the specials. And the answer is no, I think, because they knew I was a talker, but, like. But, yeah. No. So I was very, like, that was one of the only things I ever truly studied in my life. And it was. Was Catholicism as a kid.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. I mean, Catholicism was a huge part of my upbringing, too, in Ohio. Yeah. And, like, you know, it was. It was not an option to not go to Mass. For us through. Not just through high school, college, coming home, but even through my 20s. Like, if I came home to visit my parents and it was Sunday.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

There wasn't like a conversation. Yeah, yeah. You were just going. And I remember the. I still remember we. We visited and I was. I think we are at this time. I'm over 30.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And they just got up Sunday morning and they were like, we're going to mess. We'll see you guys later. And we were like, yeah, okay. And they came home and didn't. Like, they didn't do a guilt trip.

[Tom Segura]

They didn't say anything about it.

[Mike Birbiglia]

They didn't say anything. And I was like, oh, they've. And they just kind of, like, resigned to it. They just were like, oh, they don't. They're not interested in going.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Mike Birbiglia]

But it took them 30 plus years.

[Tom Segura]

Well, that was. The whole thing is I'm. I'm so much the opposite of my parents. Like, I was, you know, indoctrinated as a kid. And then with My daughter, who's 10, I. We've never taken her to church ever. I haven't told her almost anything. We go to the Vatican. She's like, dad, who's Jesus.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I'm like, oh, wow. I've really missed, really done some oversight, overlooked some big things because she knows about the Greek gods and the Roman gods and the Norse gods, and I just didn't say anything about Jesus. So I'm just doing this crash course on Jesus. He's this guy.

[Mike Birbiglia]

He's a big deal, you guys.

[Tom Segura]

People think he's God and son of God, and.

[Christina P.]

Well, spend some time in Texas. You'll learn about it.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's probably a big part of living around here.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I know. Well, but our. We're kind of the same way because, like, I asked our oldest, I was like, what do you know about God? He's like, he controls the weather, dude. That's good. That's pretty, pretty good.

[Tom Segura]

That's funny.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It was kind of, like, the extent of it. We didn't really talk about it much more. No, I was like, he does control the weather.

[Tom Segura]

It's interesting. Like, I. I heard this theory, which is like, a majority of what your kids learn isn't from your parent. It's from their parents. It's from their friends, parents.

[Christina P.]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

You ever heard that concept?

[Christina P.]

That's terrible.

[Tom Segura]

Because the kids, like, tune out their own parents.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But then other adults are like, all right, maybe.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

That's so terrifying.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Well, they definitely tune us out a lot. That's very true.

[Tom Segura]

Do you guys ever have, like, big picture conversation?

[Christina P.]

Yes. Mike Birbiglia. Okay, here's what I started doing. Here's what I started doing. I make it fun for them.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P.]

You weren't there, but I gave you the recap of this the other night. The two boys are at dinner, and I like to drill them on very important things. For instance, I'll just do, like, pop quiz. Hey, what kind of woman are you gonna marry?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Someone who's nice, not just pretty. Somebody who treats me the way Mommy treats Daddy. Great. Next. Hey, what if some kid says we should ditch school and go smoke some pot at my house? What do you say? No. And he can say, and no. And he gets excited, and then I drill him. Hey, are you. I go, let's get drunk and drive in the car. Hell no, Mom. Right? I did that the other day. If you make it, like, fun smoking, nice.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Smoking is for losers.

[Tom Segura]

Really good.

[Christina P.]

Smoking's for losers. Right.

[Mike Birbiglia]

They also learned to bark at people who ride bikes. So when we're driving by fun or in the car and there's someone riding a bike, they go like that.

[Tom Segura]

I don't get it. Why?

[Christina P.]

Well, they're nerds and losers. And they're stupid because I. I know it's the law. It's fine. But you can. You should not ride your bicycle in traffic. And I know that's the way of the land. I just think it's not very safe. I don't want my children to do it.

[Mike Birbiglia]

She's always telling them.

[Christina P.]

And I want them riding motorcycles. Motorcycles are for idiots, too. I mean, I just. I put the seeds in very early.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah, I like that. You got. The thing I envy about you guys living in Texas is you got outdoors.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Kids can run around.

[Mike Birbiglia]

They do.

[Tom Segura]

Brooklyn, you can't really run around.

[Christina P.]

You have a girl, though, right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you think so?

[Christina P.]

I grew up in a concrete jungle. I'm fine. Boys need to pick up in Canada, right? No, I was born in Canada, and then we moved to LA when I was, like, four.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, okay.

[Christina P.]

But boys need to pick up.

[Tom Segura]

Boys need snakes. Okay, great.

[Christina P.]

They need to put holes and things.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Always. It's so crazy when you see, like, how they're wired, like, the energy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Intense. And aggression. Like, all they do is, like, they want to just. Me up all day. Totally all day. They're like, can we wrestle? Can we do.

[Christina P.]

I'm like, does your girl wrestle you? And was she active like that? No fighting?

[Tom Segura]

No, she doesn't wrestle. I did a joke years ago where I was like, girls. Girls, when they're a kid, when they're little, girls are just like, would you like to have a tea party? And boys are like, now what? You know?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Such a distinct dichotomy.

[Mike Birbiglia]

A thousand tea party.

[Tom Segura]

Can't even have a tea party. No, she's. She. I went to her first, like, swim meet last last week, and it was just, like, great, you know? But, like, it's funny because I'm gonna have. I have a joke in the special where I say, like, I went to. Her. My wife and I went to her ballet recital, and we're just crying and crying because she doesn't have it, you know? And, you know, we spent thousands of dollars in the lessons and hundreds of hours ago in rehearsal. She's not going to pro. And. But I'm gonna have to, like, show her that just to be, like, the joke is this.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, it's not. You're not good at ballet. Like, you're great at ballet. It's just. We're crying because we're emotional.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

About everything.

[Christina P.]

See, we think that our kids give a rip, that we're in show business. Could not care less.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Every time I Talk to her about it. She's like, I don't really care. I don't want to talk about it.

[Christina P.]

The only thing my kids were remotely interested in was when I did Is It Cake? An episode of Is It Cake? So get on. Is It Cake?

[Tom Segura]

No. No. If I got on Is It Cake? My status in our house would change forever.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It did.

[Christina P.]

All they care about.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It did.

[Tom Segura]

Mikey Day to my daughter is what Steve Martin was to me.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know what I mean? Like, he is the icon of show business.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. That's so cool.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So you. You got on?

[Christina P.]

No, man, I jockeyed.

[Tom Segura]

I.

[Christina P.]

The minute. I was great. Oh, you good on Is It Cake? Oh, I was amazing. No, I mean, did I guess correctly? No. Did I look great? Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

I brought Tupperware, and you were funny. I had a good time.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

No, I'll tell you why it is very difficult. Here's why. I'll. I don't know if I'm allowed to tell. No, I can tell this. So, you know when they. They flip the thing and they. The thing rotates so.

[Tom Segura]

Samrill.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. Sam. Real cake jiggles when it stops.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P.]

So that's why they have you turn your back so that the cake settle.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, it's a hack.

[Christina P.]

So you turn around. Otherwise, you could tell straight away, but from a. It's at a distance, too. So you can't tell sometimes. But, no, it's very hard.

[Tom Segura]

The thing that was a big deal in my daughter's world is that I was in the Taylor Swift video for the music video Anti Hero.

[Mike Birbiglia]

What?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So I was. I played her son in a dystopic future. Like, what would be a nightmare if this became my son who wanted all my money.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Wow.

[Christina P.]

That's cool.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's me with a wig.

[Christina P.]

Look at that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Was that your agent, or do you know T. Swift?

[Tom Segura]

I met her around the time she was writing that song. Because in my. You know, the Old man in the Pool, the song that plays at the beginning is by this group called Red Hurst. That's. One of the people in that group is Jack Ansonoff, who's, like, one of my best, best friends. And he produces, like, a ton of stuff with Taylor. So we met at the. We. We met around the time, and she was, like, conceiving of this video, and then one day she texted me and was like, hey, would you do this?

[Christina P.]

That's show business.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it was.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's. It was crazy. It's crazy. So that's, like, for my daughter, that's like hands down number one thing. Oh my God.

[Mike Birbiglia]

You have this photo framed in her room. No, I mean, you know T. Swift.

[Tom Segura]

I have the Pope and there.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's. That's pretty crazy.

[Tom Segura]

We have the Pope and Taylor stuff. Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I mean, good. That's. That for a little girl, that must be like. Nothing bigger.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it was. No, it was crazy. And then we took her to the concert.

[Christina P.]

You did? Oh, that's wonderful.

[Tom Segura]

Met life. It was amazing. That's like best con. It's like one best concert I've ever been to.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's when you could tell by the way is like when she did that last tour. The huge tour.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

All these people who were like, yeah, I don't, like, I don't follow her. But I went to the concert and they're like, that concert was unbelievable. Everybody was giving crazy, really crazy reviews. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It's truly crazy.

[Christina P.]

Well, she's very talented. Geez.

[Tom Segura]

That's Jack on the back left.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Nice. Yeah. She is so talented.

[Tom Segura]

No, it's crazy. And that, that, that show is a feat of, you know, it's like a marathon. It's like a three and a half hour, four hour show.

[Christina P.]

It's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

It's unbelievable.

[Christina P.]

Heard she has to train really hard and so stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Or whatever. And you know what's so funny? I. I pretend like I'm all goth and cool, which I am. But then I'll be like, I like Taylor Swift. Sucks. Wait, except for this one song.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

I'm like, damn. You know, and then you find yourself singing.

[Mike Birbiglia]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Except. Yeah. Tunes. Except for those 15 songs that are undeniable.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

She's great. So the. The new show is the Good Life. The Good Life. The. Is the kickoff from this. The stroke.

[Tom Segura]

So the beginning of it is I'm walking with my daughter home from school and she. We see like a smoke shop and called the Good Life. And she's like, dad, what's the Good Life? And I'm like, I don't even know. It's not what I'm doing. You know, Then I'm trying to explain drugs and, you know, it's sex and all these things that are like religion, big things. And then I kind of go in a lot of flashbacks about my dad. And then in the middle of all that, like my dad has a stroke and I'm kind of coming to grips with the fact that like, you know, my dad, like we had a stilted relationship for like, I would say most of my life. And it's weirdly only now like in his final phase of life where, like, I'm starting. Like I said, like, it has calmed him down, the stroke. It has. Like, he used to shout so much, it wouldn't be every day, but it would be enough that you'd be like, on edge. Like, is it gonna happen today?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know the joke I say in the show, he'd be like, where are my goddamn keys? And we'd all be like, we gotta find dad's keys. Like, I spent my whole life looking for those keys. I go, I jumped through a window to find those keys and. But like, that was my, you know, that was a lot of it. And then, and then I was, you know, now that my dad is dying, like in his final phase of life, like, like you really do realize, like, he's just a person and he was probably doing his best and we're all doing our best. You know what I mean?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It is like a. Like seeing your parent in that stage puts us so much in perspective.

[Mike Birbiglia]

So much. That realization as you age that your parents were just two people walking around earth, like, because, you know, for so long, it's supposed to be that way. When you're a kid, you're like, these people are here for me. Yeah, they're special beings.

[Tom Segura]

That's right.

[Mike Birbiglia]

For me. And then as you get older, you're like, that's just a dude. My dad's just a guy who ran into this lady and they had me. Like, they're just trying to figure it out.

[Tom Segura]

I'll see my dad like, oh, reach. Oh, yeah. That was my parents.

[Christina P.]

They're good looking people.

[Tom Segura]

Good looking folks. I'll see my dad like picking up like a cup or something and like. And I'll just be like, that's sort of like me. Like, you just see, you go, oh, yeah. He's a human struggling with this thing. And that kind of reminds me of my own physicality even.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Is he close to you now? Like, does he live in New York also?

[Tom Segura]

No, he lives in Rhode Island. So I'm going home like every few weeks on a train. And that's where my brother and sister live. Live.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, they live there?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Which is hard for them. Yeah, it's hard for my mom. It's just hard.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like the way the way America deals, the health care system deals with like end of life stuff is not atrocious. Good.

[Mike Birbiglia]

No.

[Tom Segura]

There's this book Atel Gwande wrote called Being Mortal. You ever read that? It's really good. But tell about how he kind of opens by Saying like in like India gets a lot of things wrong in medicine, but like, the thing they get right is like end of life. Because they treat it like it's special. And like, essentially you're like letting someone go. And like in America, we're like, we need to, we need to prop him up and put him on stilts and shock his body and all this because just to keep someone alive, but like barely alive. And so much of their body doesn't work. You can't, you can't walk, you can't stand. It's like so many things are brutal. Doesn't remember what happened in the last year.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's a really hard thing.

[Tom Segura]

So hard. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

I don't want any of that. I don't know what to do about it. I don't want to go to like a facility. I do want to buy a house maybe for comedians. And like, we can just hire like a. Yeah. Comedy condo. The last comedy condo.

[Tom Segura]

Always. That's what we call it. The last comedy condo.

[Christina P.]

And, and if you've been a comedian and you can come there and we'll all convalesce and like die together and how.

[Tom Segura]

This is the, this is the best idea I've heard.

[Christina P.]

Cuz you'd have a. You've had a few laughs and you go back to your room and then.

[Tom Segura]

It would be like sitting at the table. Except you live there.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, yeah. And drugs. It has drugs.

[Christina P.]

So many drugs. Prostitution.

[Tom Segura]

That. That's. I, I, we're joking about it. But legitimately, like a solid idea.

[Christina P.]

Thank you.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Just like Dilaudid, whenever you want it.

[Tom Segura]

We don't have. Because communities don't have insurance.

[Mike Birbiglia]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Anything.

[Mike Birbiglia]

No, no.

[Tom Segura]

We don't have loved ones. We don't love. We don't love anyone. We're not loved.

[Christina P.]

No. I don't have family.

[Mike Birbiglia]

It's a party pad.

[Tom Segura]

No one likes us.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. That's kind of. I don't have family like you and the kids. I don't want to burden my children.

[Mike Birbiglia]

No.

[Christina P.]

And you're gonna hopefully die before me.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Hopefully.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P.]

We'll see.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I don't know, man. I'm feeling pretty good about my odds.

[Christina P.]

I know. Yeah, I know. I kind of really. I want cancer early. I know, but cancer, though, not in my organs.

[Tom Segura]

Exactly. No, I think you're in the clear.

[Christina P.]

I think so.

[Mike Birbiglia]

But the seasoning's there. You know, it's really nice.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, no, no, no, no. That's not how it works. That's how it works. Let's, let's get my dad on the phone. He can explain.

[Christina P.]

It'll take. Can he talk?

[Tom Segura]

He can talk. Yeah. So I talked. Like, I basically end up talking to him about. I just asked him questions about his childhood. I grew up in Bushwick in the 1940s, and. And it's just like, you realize. Or I've realized through this thing of like. Of like, oh, I didn't ask my dad enough questions.

[Christina P.]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

You know what I mean?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, I just didn't. I should have just let him go.

[Christina P.]

Can I tell you something? I tried this with my dad.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Christina P.]

I was 28. We went to the Dominican Republic together. Last vacation he and I took together alone.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And I tried it, and I was like, dad, do you think that your traumatic upbringing in communist Hungary may have affected you emotionally? And he was like, no. Okay, next question. Like, do you regret leaving your mom? Like, my mom? No, not really. Like, there's no cognition.

[Tom Segura]

We got to get you on working it out. We're going to work this into a bit. Have you done that as a bit? Because it's so funny. Like, my. My podcast working out. Literally, the whole premise is people come on and we talk about stories, and it's like, how could that be a bit?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Dude, we got. I want to do this. Yeah, come on in New York.

[Christina P.]

Let's do it.

[Tom Segura]

Come on in New York. But that's a great. No, but you guys come sometimes. You were there last month.

[Christina P.]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Tom Segura]

Madison Square Garden. But, like, it's. You guys should both come on, and we should talk about bits, because you.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Should definitely do that.

[Tom Segura]

That's hilarious.

[Christina P.]

No, no. Self awareness.

[Tom Segura]

No self awareness.

[Christina P.]

Like, but do you. One has to be capable of self reflection.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Not everybody is.

[Christina P.]

In order to answer those questions, Mike.

[Mike Birbiglia]

My dad was, like, 72 when he was like, you know, I think the war in Vietnam really affected me.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Like, what?

[Tom Segura]

He fought in the war?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And he always told combat stories.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Mike Birbiglia]

He's like, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

72 years old.

[Mike Birbiglia]

I go, you think it affected you? He's like, I do. What the. Yeah, that's. That generation's man, though, is like, oh, I know. They just go like, huh? I think. Because I think about those guys every day. I'm like, really? You've never said that?

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. Every day I think about the guys that I fought with and died. I'm like, you're just saying this now. He was like, yeah. He goes, I really think it affected me. I'm like, yeah, like, you. You saw, like, the worst in the world.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And he's like, yeah, anyway. Yeah, I just figured that out.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. Just.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And then with my dad, like, when. When I, you know, 10, 20 years ago, I would get in the weeds of, like, arguing with him about politics or whatever, and it's like, who cares? Like, it doesn't matter. No, this is not important what your politics and my politics are. What cares? What matters is, like, that there's a human connection. And, like, I don't know that. That's my learn. That's my lesson of. Of my 20s and 30s was like, don't talk about stuff like that with your parents. Just ask them about themselves.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's a really great point. You probably. If somebody actually digests what you're saying, it can save them a lot of heartache, too.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. Yeah. You don't have to. Because it's easy. Like, especially the people. Some people have, like, super combative relationships where all they do is go, I want to talk about politics with, like, their dad.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

And then they're like, yeah. 30 years went by, and all we did was ever yell at each other, you know?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. There's this moment, especially where I talk about arguing with my dad about something, and I. And I go. I have this. I. I realized my whole life, I sort of wanted to be my dad. At a certain point, I had decided I wanted him to be me. That's like. I feel like I've just realized that's true.

[Mike Birbiglia]

That's a big one.

[Christina P.]

Because you're mad at them because they failed to meet your expectations.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Right. And who cares?

[Christina P.]

Like, you wanted my mommy and daddy to be the way I wanted them to be, and they weren't.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

What are you gonna do?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, what are you gonna do? Yeah. And also, we're up as parents, we're up in ways that we do not understand. Yet.

[Mike Birbiglia]

We don't yet. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And we're just gonna. We're gonna find out.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. Our kids will be on this podcast. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, exactly.

[Mike Birbiglia]

My dad. Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

My mom would say, I'm not gonna do drugs. Drugs. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. Trying to. She would quiz us at the dinner table.

[Tom Segura]

That's what we wanted to. Funny. Hack. I like that.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Encouraging us to say the F word.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Exactly. Exactly.

[Christina P.]

Well, there's one point where I just wanted them to write letters and stuff, and I would let them write curse words on menus and stuff, just to spell, to start spelling and writing.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Good spelling exercise.

[Christina P.]

I kept.

[Tom Segura]

Shorts are great.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah. Well, I walked out of our house and I Saw they'd taken chalk and written on this, like, wall. The garden wall. Just like.

[Tom Segura]

Salad.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, whatever.

[Mike Birbiglia]

All right, we should tell you guys that. May 26, the Good Life comes out on Netflix. It's Mike Birbiglia's latest. He also has a bunch of other specials. He has books. You'll probably put on another big show in another year or so.

[Tom Segura]

I think so, yeah. I think the next thing I'm gonna do is that I'm writing a movie right now. The last movie was called Don't Think Twice, and that's available, I don't know, wherever movies are. That was about, like, a group of people in an improv group where someone gets cast on, like, siren Live type show and then everyone else doesn't. And it's sort of about what happens in friendship when that happens.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Which is called Don't Think Twice.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Here's a big surprise. They don't go, hey, great for you.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you saw the movie. Yeah. So now I'm writing the next movie right now. And.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Thanks for having me on you.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Thanks for coming, man. Awesome. Congrats on the special.

[Tom Segura]

We'll bring you to New York. We're working it out. Love to work out some bits.

[Christina P.]

For sure.

[Mike Birbiglia]

All right, we'll see you guys next week.

[Christina P.]

Bye. Mommy.

[Tom Segura]

Mommy.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Tommy.

[Christina P.]

Tommy.

[Tom Segura]

Tommy.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Tommy.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Tommy. Tommy, would you marry your dad? Just like, just.

[Christina P.]

Just like the gays.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Just like, just like, just like the gays. Just like, just.

[Christina P.]

Just like the gays.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Just like, just.

[Christina P.]

Just like the gays.

[Tom Segura]

Tommy, would you marry your son?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Uh, yes, of course. My God, I wish I could. Tommy, would you marry your dad? Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course I would do it.

[Tom Segura]

Christina, would you marry your son?

[Christina P.]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Would you marry your dad?

[Christina P.]

Yeah, of course. I live for this shit. Yeah.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Just like, just.

[Christina P.]

Just like the gays.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Just like, just.

[Christina P.]

Just like the gays.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Just like, just.

[Christina P.]

Just like the gays.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Just like, just like a gay.

[Tom Segura]

Would you marry your mom?

[Mike Birbiglia]

Mom? No. Come on. I think I'd marry my dad.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Christina.

[Christina P.]

Yeah?

[Tom Segura]

Would you marry your mom?

[Christina P.]

I don't know. Please? No.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Would you marry your dad?

[Christina P.]

Yeah, of course.

[Mike Birbiglia]

For sure?

[Christina P.]

Yes.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Yeah, I really would. Like, just like the gays. Like, just like the gays. Like, just like the gays.

[Tom Segura]

Tommy.

[Mike Birbiglia]

Like, just. Would you marry your dad?