Our Jeans Are High & Tactical | Your Mom's House Ep. 840

Summary

Podcast Summary: "Our Jeans Are High & Tactical"

Your Mom's House Ep. 840
Hosts: Christina Pazsitzky (Christina P.) & Tom Segura
Date: December 17, 2025
Studio: YMH Studios
Theme: Safety, Preparedness, and Tactical Living

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Episode Overview

This episode of "Your Mom's House" with comedians Christina P. and Tom Segura is a hilariously insightful deep dive into safety, preparedness, and the couple’s tactical approach to daily life as they enter the new year. With tongue-in-cheek paranoia, the hosts review survival gear, discuss situational awareness, share absurd but practical advice, and keep the comedy flowing as always. Interwoven are discussions about butt wiping, farts, plastic surgery, societal change, pop culture, and some surprising moments of genuine reflection.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Tactical Preparedness as a Lifestyle

• Opening Philosophy:
  Tom sets the tone, joking but earnest: "If you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready. If you’re prepared, you’re not paranoid." (01:15)
• Emphasis on always scanning environments, being aware of exits, and carrying preparedness gear—the “tactical vest” being the fashion of the new year.
• Christina shares personal experiences training her children to drive and preparing car trunks with MREs (Meals Ready to Eat).

Notable Quote:

“You walk outside, clown car pulls up, and now you’re in a situation… If you're prepared, you're not paranoid.” – Tom (01:15)

Timestamps:

• [01:15–03:27] – Tactical scanning, gear recommendations, MREs
• [03:27–06:19] – Socks, trench foot, and environmental readiness

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2. Situational Awareness with 'Larry' from Prepared Not Paranoid

• The hosts riff on safety influencer Larry’s tips on scanning rooms, finding exits, and using items such as fire extinguishers as weapons.
• Humor around Larry’s anxiety: “I have to pee. I just woke up. Check the shower, open the closets, look under the bed…” – Tom (08:58)
• Christina and Tom joke about hypothetical scenarios: clowns vs. fire – which is worse?

Notable Quotes:

“First of all, that was such a great observation... What if I leave a place and there’s a fire over there?” – Tom (10:44)
"Safety dictates every decision he makes... Is there a tornado or clowns around?" – Christina (11:37)

Timestamps:

• [07:16–12:27] – Larry’s safety procedures, improvised weapons, scanning for exits

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3. Gear & Gimmicks: Vest Fashion and More

• Showcasing a wild array of tactical gear: tactical vests, trauma shears, card knives, trauma kits, even MRE pizza (claiming 5,000+ calories per slice for comedic effect).
• Comfort of vests: “It’s like a thunder shirt.” – Tom (16:15)
• Christina: “I’d put my passport here, my ID, everything I need for the day.”

Timestamps:

• [16:00–21:10] – Vest comfort, gear accessibility, trauma shears, hidden knives, multi-use pens, mace

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4. Comedic Digressions & Social Commentary

• Gender & Pronouns: Satire on academic debates and pronouns, with Tom and Christina observing the performative aspects and trends.
• Plastic Surgery & Pop Fame: The death of influencer Mary Magdalene leads into a conversation criticizing overdone plastic surgeries and pop stars refusing to age.
• Pranks: Discussion and appreciation for timeless pranks like the “Isla Vano” grocery store bit.

Timestamps:

• [32:06–35:39] – Academia and pronoun talk
• [58:22–59:49] – Mary Magdalene’s death, commentary on surgery and fame
• [71:02–72:57] – Classic prank calls

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5. Pop Culture Cameos

• James Joyce’s Erotic Letters:
  Tom shares a dramatic reading of a famously explicit James Joyce letter, leading to laughter and literary discussion.
  "I'm delighted to see that you do like being fucked ass ways...I think I would know Nora's fart anywhere..." – Reader (39:25)
• Tupac’s Letter to Madonna:
  Christina ponders Tupac’s love letter, leading to nostalgia about Madonna’s legendary status and casual sidebar on celebrity names.

Timestamps:

• [39:12–41:46] – Joyce’s dirty letter
• [44:32–47:28] – Madonna & Tupac, Madonna’s name legacy

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6. Personal Reflections, Bodily Functions, and Relationship Insights

• Farts & Lactose Intolerance:
  Tom discovers his lactose intolerance after years of “wild farting,” finally finding relief with Lactaid.
  “The farts just kind of went away.” – Tom (78:50)
• Christina's take: “You’re not supposed to eat curdled cow’s milk…It’s so weird, dude.”

Timestamps:

• [77:52–79:23] – Fart saga and lactose diagnosis

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7. Preparedness Meets Paranoia: The Extreme Limits

• The hosts gently mock those who take preparedness too far while acknowledging its potential usefulness.
• They discuss a man isolating himself for a year to do a pull-up, questioning the psychological effects.
• Practical reminders abound: always have water, carry tactical gloves, scan every environment, and invest in night vision (to be discussed in the future).

Timestamps:

• [55:03–57:54] – Man locks himself in a room for a year
• [48:32–49:16, 80:15–81:40] – Final prep advice, day-one kit, don’t ever relax, survival mindset

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8. Dating, Body Image & Societal Standards

• Christina and Tom joke about advice-giving influencers: “Lose 20-30 pounds” if you want to get married, sparking a conversation about beauty expectations and how both men and women are judged.
• Christina: “It’s so easy to be hot these days. You just pay for it…Just go get plastic surgery.” (63:26)

Timestamps:

• [60:00–64:16] – Dating advice, body image, authenticity
• [64:43–65:22] – Aging, pop stardom, and the pitfalls of cosmetic obsession

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9. Recurring Gags & Quirky Moments

• Forever toilet paper rolls: “Wipe until your butt bleeds.”
• Monday morning moans: “Afraid to fart. Oh, my God. Do you ever have a bad stomach?”
• Classic YMH absurdity: Fart talk, butt-eating demands, and rhyming names for cheery or nauseating reasons.

Timestamps:

• [72:32–73:55] – Forever roll and butt-wiping
• [74:37–76:33] – Moaning about fart fears, potato salad saga

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Safety:
  “If you stay ready, you don’t have to get ready. If you’re prepared, you’re not paranoid.” – Tom (01:15)
• On Life Philosophy:
  “Never relax. Scan every room from left to right and avoid fires.” – Tom (82:01)
• On Academia:
  "I can't imagine what it's like to teach in Portland." – Tom (32:06)
• On Body Image/Dating:
  “It's actually loving women.” – Advice Giver (60:53)
  “Just, just call chicks fat like people have been doing forever.” – Christina (62:04)
• On Plastic Surgery:
  “You can't insist on being 20 because you're not. It doesn't work right.” – Christina (64:56)
• On Lactose Epiphany:
  “The farts just kind of went away.” – Tom (78:50)
• On Household Routines:
  “When you're vacuuming and you just hit that one spot... it just starts crackling, dude.” – Larry (79:27)

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Safety Tips Highlighted

• Always scan rooms for exits and threats (03:03, 08:23)
• Carry MREs and spare socks in your car (04:41, 06:04)
• Keep tactical vests, trauma shears, and multi-function tools accessible (16:15, 16:57)
• Water is more essential than food in emergencies (48:41–49:16)
• Make your home a “hard target”: cameras alone aren’t enough (21:46)
• Don’t ever relax your guard—especially during the holidays (80:16)

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Conclusion — End on a Laugh, Stay Vigilant

As always, Tom and Christina blend mock paranoia, real-world advice, and outrageous silliness, making a case for a safe, joyous, and oddly armed approach to life. Whether you’re scanning for clowns, prepping your emergency vest, or just looking to enhance your next fart joke, this episode is classic YMH—absurd, opinionated, and unexpectedly informative.

Final Advice:

“Stay vigilant, stay ready, stay alert, never relax…scan every room from left to right and avoid fires.” – Tom (82:01)
“Stay safe.” – Christina (82:32)

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For more tips, gear recs, and a lifetime supply of laughter (or tactical trauma shears), tune in next time. And remember: she got tits, she takes shits.

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Episode Key Segments by Timestamp

• Opening & Philosophy: 00:00–04:18
• Situational Awareness: 07:16–12:27
• Tactical Gear Showcase: 16:00–21:10
• Paranoia & Practicality: 48:32–49:16, 80:15–81:40
• Fart Revelations: 77:52–79:23
• End-of-Episode Safety Recap: 80:16–82:32

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Stay tuned, stay ready, and—above all—stay Mommy.

Transcript

[Tom Segura]

Well, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Marshall's buyers are hustling hard to get amazing new gifts into stores right up to the last minute. Like a designer perfume for that friend who never RSVP'd wishlist topping toys for her kids who came too. Mm. Belgian chocolates for the neighbor. A cozy scarf for your boss, and a wool jacket for your husband that you definitely did not own. Almost forget Marshalls. We get the deals. You give the good stuff, even at the last minute. Find a Marshalls near you. No. The fart Mic. What are you doing?

[Tom Segura]

It's on your thing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do you got a fart? Come on, dude. Be a team player. What are you doing?

[Tom Segura]

Look at how you're doing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What are you doing? You got to do it. If you're going to do it, do it right.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's been so, so long. And you finally are back. I'm so happy I had that on my vest.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, me too.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Perfect timing.

[Tom Segura]

It's important. Welcome to your mom's house. You got a little sneak peek. What happens behind the scenes before we record? It should be no surprise to anybody that we're shifting the focus of not only this show, but everything that comes out of this studio into preparedness, safety, knowing how to navigate any situation, anything could happen at any time. So as always, you know, you know, if you. If you stay ready, you don't have to get ready. If you're prepared, you're not paranoid. Um, if you're just always considering that anything could happen at any moment, at any situation, you really are going to move through life in a much more calm and settled state. Whoa, double flashlights.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Look how fast that was.

[Tom Segura]

That was really quick.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Boom.

[Tom Segura]

And that's a really good point is that you don't. You don't want to be like a lay person who goes, so I think no law enforcement, you go overhead, right? You can move and then, boom, you can just put your weapon right over your.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's the way to walk me through that, though. So why is this like an inferior way? It's just. Just because it's like, yeah, you're not in control.

[Tom Segura]

You're a newbie up here.

[Annie]

Is.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm in control of the light source.

[Tom Segura]

I control. The source is coming from above. You can see, you can scan.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Got it.

[Tom Segura]

You have more ability to move right about with this hand. Right. But this guy gets in the way over here. I don't know what I'm. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And also, you're going to be doing 8 to 10 second scans. 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10. That's a long time.

[Tom Segura]

Not long enough in my opinion, but yeah, that's how you scan. I would say from to five yards out and then you reset and you'd go further, maybe 20 yards out and you do another 10 second scan. And that's for any room you walk into or anytime you leave a building, a home, a residence, a store, an airport. You step outside, you want to do those two scans.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, I did that scan. I parked here near the studio, and then even though it's just in front of the front door, I stopped, I scanned, I scanned, I scanned and then I walked up.

[Tom Segura]

You don't know if there's a bunch of clowns hanging around that aren't normally there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

A lot of clowns.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This neighborhood, you don't know where they're coming from.

[Tom Segura]

It's definitely something to be thinking about. So as you can see, we have a bunch of suggestions of, of equipment that every listener and viewer of this podcast should buy immediately for the holidays.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Definitely.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I would gift this to probably everybody in your family and certainly the friends you care about, but it's just basically a way to navigate life. You realize how many of us, myself included, we're just going through life Willy n. Oh, everything's fine. There's never danger anywhere.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

And then, you know, you walk outside, clown car pulls up, and now you're, you're in a situation and now you're.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Aware you may have to drive away from a gas station with the pump still in your, in your gas tank. And you know what, which is, which is fine because then you can also live on one of these. Yeah, it's an MRE. I got 365 of these times two.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I've stocked your trunk and my trunk full of these. So God forbid you need to pull over, there's a tornado, you're getting away.

[Tom Segura]

From meal, ready to eat. And that's pizza, which I'm sure is delicious as a fantastic piece of pizza. The Department of Defense makes those and we used our connections to get a couple hundred of them. But I would say, you know, imagine you're out you go, oh, I'm just going, I'm just going to the movies. And then a situation that you're not expecting takes place. Yeah, you leave the movies, you know, clowns started rioting and then now all the restaurants are closed.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

All the windows have been bashed out of every grocery store restaurant.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

All the water's been stolen.

[Tom Segura]

The clowns take water, so they're then what happens? Well, now you're like, I don't have any food. Like what? How am I going to eat for the next year? MREs.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's the thing about MREs. Not only are they flavorful, calorically dense.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This, this one right here, the pizza slice, you're talking 5,000 calories.

[Tom Segura]

5,000 at least. Wow.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I eat one of these a day. And also it backs you up so you don't have to stop what you're doing to make a bowel movement. That's why I love these so much.

[Tom Segura]

One thing nobody actually brought up in any of this is trench foot. Which is something that happens when you have too much moisture in your boots.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

And your socks get all wet and then all of a sudden you know, you got a real situation. So we'll put some links into our description for socks that we believe are higher quality and of course how to resolve trench foot once it's taken over.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's such a good point, Tom. Not enough people discuss that. You know, especially because we are in Texas climate. It is moist, that is humidity and such. You should be prepared for any CL climate at any time.

[Tom Segura]

Let's say you're walking down the highway. Let's say you're starting in Dallas. You're like, I'm going to walk to Houston today.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

You don't think your feet could use a sock change? I do.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Kidding.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Also I've been training our children to drive. Our four year old son Julian could drive already.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Because I don't trust these AI robot cars. Okay. They're trying to rob you of your own license, your own agency.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's why I only do gas powered cars and I teach our children how to drive in case they need to get to safety.

[Tom Segura]

We're going to cover it all today. But it's, it's a, it's an episode about safety and preparedness and I think it's the right way to go into the new year.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Absolutely. Safe and secure. I got my trauma shears.

[Tom Segura]

Hell yeah. Let's go. Let's ready? Let's get into this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Let's get safe.

[Larry (Prepared Not Paranoid)]

So you're out on town with your friends and you're going into a new environment. Once again, you're going to perform the 10 second rule. You're going to go into the new environment, scan, see for the best spot to sit and the best exits, alternative exits. So let's go inside and see what we have.

[Tom Segura]

Hell yeah, dude.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Think about the exits.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, bro.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know what that theme song needs Yep.

[Tom Segura]

What's it need?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

A saxophone. Yeah. Smooth. Listen to that. Wow, that is some smooth sacks.

[Tom Segura]

That's really great.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Dude. It was. It was like hotter, right?

[Tom Segura]

Why are we smiling? Why are we having it like. This is a serious topic when you walk into a restaurant, any restaurant ever.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You scan the room, you look for exits.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

You need to know where people are, what's happening in that room. Don't think about what you're gonna eat. Your friend that's joining you for a meal. Oh, I hope this is a good place to eat. Fuck that. It's safety fucking first.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Of course.

[Larry (Prepared Not Paranoid)]

So when I did my scan, I noticed I have a fire extinguisher over here. Fire extinguisher is great for an improvised weapon if you need something. And it's also helpful if you need to put out a fire. So I know where it is, I could access it quickly. And then it's also close to an exit. So if I need to exit, I have an exit here and an exit down the end of the hall.

[Tom Segura]

What level of anxiety do you think he enters every day with? Do you think he wakes up and he's like, is somebody in the home? Like, that's the first thought. Is there someone in the bathroom? I have to pee. I just woke up. Check the shower, open the closets, look under the bed. And then 30 minutes later he's like.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, yeah, I have to pee also. I didn't realize you could use a fire extinguisher as an improvised weapon.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah, I knew that. That's what I usually think of when I see fire extinguishers. I'm like, great, I can bash someone's fucking head with that if I need to. Some clown walks in here and talks shit to me, I'm going to smash his face in.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh my God.

[Tom Segura]

He's.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's. I'm surprised he leaves the house without his tactical vest.

[Tom Segura]

I don't understand how. And I cannot believe that he doesn't like non stop talk about concealed carry permits. I cannot believe.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But he's in Arizona.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, still, it's just like I cannot believe he's not talking about ankle holsters. Like, you know, I mean, like carry six magazines on you at all times. Like it. To me, it would be. I'm like, when is that coming? When are we talking about shooting?

[Larry (Prepared Not Paranoid)]

Now, once I'm outside, I have to make a decision. Is it safer to go to the parking lot and go to my car or is it safer to go to another area? It really depends on the Scenario. If there's a fire or a situation.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Over there, I'm not going to want.

[Tom Segura]

To go through it.

[Larry (Prepared Not Paranoid)]

I'm going to look for an alternative exit, which is that way. So to me, this restaurant gives me a lot of options. It's safe, it's secure, it's monitored, and I have options to get in and out of. So good job. This is a great place to come with your family and friends. Be well, be safe.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, there's a fire on your left. You want to go to the right. That's what I learned.

[Tom Segura]

First of all, that was such a great observation on your part. I have often thought, what if I leave a place and there's a fire over there? Do I go towards it or do I go the other way? But he laid it out clear for me. Now, you know, this is why you need shit like this. Also, if we can't get him, can we get his videographer? Because he's bringing this motherfucker everywhere.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know what I do like about his attire?

[Tom Segura]

Here's another thing I want to ask you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Pockets on the pants. You need a lot of pockets.

[Tom Segura]

What if there's a fire to your right, but there's six clowns to your left?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, no.

[Tom Segura]

Then which way do you go?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Where do you go?

[Tom Segura]

Because those are both very dangerous situations.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Very dangerous. God damn. I. I might take the fire.

[Tom Segura]

You want to be in a clown fight, or do you want to be engulfed in flames?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I. I think he's. He'd rather take the flames. I think he's afraid of clowns.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, also too. I like that safety dictates. Just every decision he makes. He's like, you're done eating your tacos. Is there a fire on here? Is there a tornado or a hurricane or are there clowns around that will dictate what I do next? As a human, where my day goes.

[Tom Segura]

One of the things I'm having trouble grasping is how much of your thoughts and energy is going into preparedness. Because I feel like not enough. You're walking in and you're like, I'm scanning the room. Where are the exits? Is there a fire extinguisher? Are there people coming in? What is d. What is potentially dangerous here? You eat, and then you're like, I'm going back into the combat zone. Like, are you just on high alert 24 7? I think that's kind of how he lives, right? He's in a combat zone all the time. He stay ready.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This guy, in his mind, he's in the Helmand province in Afghanistan. There's Taliban everywhere.

[Tom Segura]

Now, this is illegal in a lot of states, but I highly recommend getting some brass knuckles, you know?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

One of these right here. Keep it on you at all times. Lie to law enforcement if they ask you if you have them.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

And if you're having trouble dealing with that, here is. It's like a paper. It's like. It's the thickness of a credit card, but it's actually. It folds and then it's a. It's a blade.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's brilliant.

[Tom Segura]

Brilliant. And I highly recommend every listener to get one.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's that one in your back pocket.

[Tom Segura]

You keep it in your wallet just like you would a card. And then if like, pretend you're a bad guy. Ready?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Get over here, man.

[Tom Segura]

Hold on.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm gonna kill you. I'm gonna kill you in the face.

[Tom Segura]

One second.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Hey, you'd better fight me now. I'm gonna get you. I'm a clown coming to clown on you. You better get your knife.

[Tom Segura]

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[Christina Pazsitzky]

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[Tom Segura]

I don't fuck around.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow. That was awesome. That was awesome.

[Tom Segura]

Just shit like that, you know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, that's a good way to carry.

[Tom Segura]

It's good to carry in your wallet.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The thing is, though, Tim, as we've learned wearing these vests, the key is accessibility.

[Tom Segura]

You got to get it well. That's why these. These tactical vests are fantastic. Also, I'll say this comforting. Kind of feels like. Like a thunder shirt.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Like for animals when they get scared.

[Tom Segura]

When they get scared. It feels nice.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It is. Does feel snug.

[Tom Segura]

And then you don't have to. Oh, where is it? In my bag. Just have it all accessible, you know?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know what this reminds me of, too? Oh, there you go. Get it. Flash it. Very nice, huh?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know what I would do, too, is put my passport here.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

My neck, all my identification, everything I need for the day here. Right?

[Tom Segura]

That's a great idea.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So I don't have to fumble.

[Tom Segura]

Can you board a flight with one of these? I think you can.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I think you should. Yeah, I think you should try. Hold on. I need my trauma shears.

[Tom Segura]

Trauma shears are a mandatory. And imagine you can even just cut.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Your food up with this. You know, the Asians like to cut food with scissors.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's just easier.

[Tom Segura]

It is easier.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I could cut your steak.

[Tom Segura]

Sean, who I travel with, he was the one that first brought up trauma shears.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Now I feel like his are better because his fold.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he got better ones. Yours are not very good.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

These are not good.

[Tom Segura]

Here's Sean.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So, safety check today. We're about to make our drive to the next city. You always want to make sure that all your friends are in the Car. So you always want them to sound off tomorrow. Here, Kirk. Check. There we go. We're a bus. All right. We'll make sure you have your knife with you. Yep. Just in case you run into some trouble. There we go. And, of course, trauma shoes. There you go. Yeah, he's safe out there. Thank you.

[Larry (Prepared Not Paranoid)]

Thank you.

[Tom Segura]

You're welcome.

[Reader/Performer]

Stay safe.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, but can I tell you what I didn't like there? Is that he didn't have good technique with the switchblade.

[Tom Segura]

Exactly.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And you got to practice.

[Tom Segura]

And then these right here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Practice.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I'm not an expert in these, but this is the kind that you can, you know, really get. Yeah, you have to get. You have to practice. Right. But be able to. I'm not. I feel like I'm gonna hurt myself if I do that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's like west side Story. It's like the. The Jets.

[Tom Segura]

Yes. The Puerto Rican kids, Greasers, and the.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, they were good with those.

[Tom Segura]

Yep. You gotta watch the spicks in the mix. Yep.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

West side Story.

[Tom Segura]

That's a great one.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

This right here is that. I don't even know what this is. Oh, it has. It has a blade. And then this here, which can break a window if you get stuck in a car, you know?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, my God. I wanted those.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's really. Oh, and then this here. So you can. You can.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Again, it's a carabiner. Is that what that's called?

[Tom Segura]

You can put that on your bike. Right here. Add this to the vest.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Which is really smart. And keep. Keep everything, you know?

[Advice Giver]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, wow. Again, easy to get to.

[Tom Segura]

Easy. Yeah, Right there. Anytime I need it, I just.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Pretend you're a bad guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Get over here, you. There you go. There you go. Tom.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Got back at me.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. I got caught in an elevator once, and I wish I would have had these tools.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I don't know how to close this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Can you put the MRE on your body? Because I do feel like I'm hungry a lot.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah, of course you can.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And I want to walk around with snacks.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That's great, man. Let's see a machete there. Our guy, I think he has some more stuff out there for us.

[Larry (Prepared Not Paranoid)]

Hey, everybody. Just like we use the Cooper color code and the ODA loop to help scan our environment and make safer decisions. The bad guy is always watching as well. The bad guy is looking at the way you walk, the way you dress, the way you talk, and eye contact. So if you walk around with purpose, head up, scanning your environment, you're not a prime target. Bad guys use something called the hostile planning cycle. I go into the hostile planning cycle in great detail in my book. Situational awareness and safe Family Travel Strategies. Link in my bio and go to the prepared university. There you get your copy of my book, Be well, be safe.

[Tom Segura]

He's not wrong.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No.

[Tom Segura]

And by the way, see how that's like a blousy oversized shirt. Fantastic for keeping weapons on your waistband without them being, like, notable.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You can strap them around your stomach.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, that's a really good. He didn't mention it there, but it's something I've observed.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, yeah. Family safety. We got to get our kids tactical vests, too.

[Tom Segura]

Also, why get a pen that you can only write with. Where this one also has. See on the other side. This is like a weapon again. You could break a window. You could pop someone in the face with it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Stabby. Stabbies.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Waiter mouth mouse off at you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know, let them have it up. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And I see you got your mace there too.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, of course. You always want to carry this with you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Defense spray again.

[Tom Segura]

This is another great Christmas idea.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, are you kidding me? If I got that in my stocking. I know you cared about me as a lady.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You want me to be safe.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. There's just. There's so many things. Let's see here we got it. Here we go.

[Larry (Prepared Not Paranoid)]

Hey, everybody. Larry here from prepared, not paranoid. I want you guys to take a look at this video of a bunch of clowns in Virginia.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, wow.

[Larry (Prepared Not Paranoid)]

So as you can see, this whole thing was caught on videotape.

[Tom Segura]

I believe that was Halloween.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, right. I don't think they just showed up.

[Tom Segura]

And I don't know, it felt like Halloween.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

July, dressed like that, maybe.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, they. Yeah, right.

[Larry (Prepared Not Paranoid)]

Clearly, cameras are not a deterrent. They're great to record what's happening. And a camera could help give you some time to implement your safety plan. But a camera's not going to stop a bad guy from doing bad stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Larry (Prepared Not Paranoid)]

So you want to make your home a hard target and get into habits to protect you and your family. Over the course of the next couple of weeks, we're going to be covering things to make your home a hard target.

[Tom Segura]

That's a really good.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know what then, because cameras, I agree, they're kind of useless.

[Tom Segura]

Well, those guys were all masked up, so. Yeah, maybe.

[Larry (Prepared Not Paranoid)]

Bunch of clowns in Virginia.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, maybe if you could have something that just automatically sprayed bullets when somebody came to your front porch. Ding dong spray bullets.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, Right away.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There you go.

[Tom Segura]

And then Ask Questions later.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Ask questions later.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. We were watching that documentary last night.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Damn it.

[Tom Segura]

The Perfect Neighbor. Did you guys watch that?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, my God, No.

[Tom Segura]

It's so sad. I think. So what was the plot? So it's. It's really well done. It's mostly body cam footage from police officers and who have. Basically, they. They. They got called over and over and over to the same residence by this old white lady. Right. I did see this one. This was good. I saw it. Yeah. It was very sad. It's very sad. But very well done. Very well. It's very well done. It's. But she did exactly that. It was knocking on her door and she just spray shot through the door. Yeah. She was like, I think I felt scared.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I think I felt scared.

[Tom Segura]

And then they're like, how long did that take between knocking and this happened? She was like 10 minutes, 20. And they're like, actually, we have the call log. It was less than two minutes. She's like. Felt like longer.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. And then I heard her switch her tone. At first. She was like, I was so scared. I didn't know what happened. And then this came rolling up to my house.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like she is cookie.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. For Cocoa Puffs.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, she did.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. I didn't. I haven't finished it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I haven't finished it yet either.

[Tom Segura]

But it was. It was really. It's a really well done documentary.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It sucks because I. I really liked the neighborhood that those kids lived in. It seemed like a really.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Everyone's having fun. Everyone was having a good existence.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

In this neighborhood. Except for one person, this clown who just ruined it for everybody.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She really did. I hate her so much.

[Tom Segura]

Kids who. One time, the cops, they're like, what's going on? She's like, kids are out there and they're like screaming and running around. They're like, like playing in the field. And they're like. She's like, yeah. So distracting. They're like, yeah, you live just move somewhere where there are kids.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's a whole neighborhood. And it. It's like an ideal neighborhood for kids. It's all kids playing, having fun. I mean, I wish our neighborhood was more like that, but. Yeah, you know? Oh, it was so sad. That was so sad.

[Tom Segura]

It was really sad.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What could. What could they have done to prevent that, though? Because she wasn't doing anything illegal necessarily. No, no. She rammed her truck into that fence.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And they didn't like.

[Tom Segura]

Well, you can tell a few things. I think about her watching this one. I do think psychologically this is like a hyper anxious person internally, you know, like you can tell that there's. Psychologically that. I think her panic stuff is probably. There's some root cause of that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That she is. Is somebody who actually just doesn't do well with. I don't think she probably. That's not the first time she's had neighbors. I bet you if you went back in time.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

She would have issues.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh yeah.

[Tom Segura]

For years and years. And then, you know, she worked from home. That's because she can't work in an office.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No one wants to be with her.

[Tom Segura]

You can't be around this person.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know what? This is true. Because I've had. Yeah. This is how my mom was like, no matter where she was, she would find enemies. This is, that's a personality.

[Tom Segura]

This is the trait you often find though in true textbook psychopaths because they want to engage and provoke and win. It's always about like getting one up.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

On somebody, you know, and there's always an enemy. There's always a perceived enemy, a battle to be fought.

[Tom Segura]

And yeah, these kids and it's every little thing becomes that battle. You know, the things in my yard, the noise over here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

My mom was like, like they're always like. And. And you're just trying to like provoke and win that battle and then you move to the next battle. They're never like satisfied.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No. And yeah. They're all interchangeable enemies.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Invisible people that are with me.

[Tom Segura]

I believe true anti social personality disorder with this one.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, for sure. Gosh. At the least. God, it sucks.

[Tom Segura]

They got one point. They go, do you use the N word? And she was like, no. You're like, ever? She's like, I mean it may have slipped out. And he goes, in what context did it slip out? She's like, they were there or something and they talked about. So then it slipped out. Slip out.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And she called the kids retards.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Which is really funny to hear the kids be like, she called us retards.

[Tom Segura]

Those were such good kids, by the way.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

They were such good kids.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know. It just crushes me.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it was, it was. It's a very sad thing. But it's a. It's a fascinating documentary. But, you know, again, safety first.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The holidays are here, which means it's getting colder, days are getting shorter, and you're probably getting busier. Whether you're inside prepping to host everyone and their mom or you're out shopping for them. Getting good sleep is the key to staying healthy this holiday season. Don't forget to gift yourself a great night's rest with a new Helix. We sleep on a Helix mattress and what I love is that it really adheres to whatever it is. Your needs are unlike any other mattress. If you're a side sleeper, they got the side sleeper mattress. From night sweats to back pain to motion transfer, say goodbye to the sleep issues that keep you up at night. Helix's sleep quiz will take your personal needs and preferences into consideration to match you with the perfect mattress. They even deliver right to your door with free shipping in the US and you can rest easy knowing you're backed by seamless returns and exchanges with the Happy with Helix guarantee. Go to helixsleep.com ymh for 20% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com ymH for 20% off site wide. Make sure you enter our show name into the post purchase survey so they know we sent you helixsleep.com ymh this.

[Tom Segura]

Time of year can be challenging to stay on budget. Between all the traveling, gift giving and entertaining, don't make the mistake of losing sight of your finances so much that you have to choose which family members you love enough to risk your rent money for. If you want to keep your finances under control this holiday season, you need to be using Monarch, rated Wall Street Journal's Best Budgeting App of 2025. Monarch is the all in one personal finance tool that brings your entire financial life together in one clean interface on your phone or laptop. And right now, just for our listeners, monarch is offering 50% off your first year. That is a great deal to to get your finances under control. Finally have a place that helps you organize and stay on track with your financial goals. I really believe that getting your finances under control is the key to getting your life under control. Say goodbye to the guessing hiding in arguments that start with I didn't know we spent that much. Don't let financial opportunity slip through the cracks. Use the code [e-mail] in your browser for half off your first year. That's 50% off your first [e-mail] with the code YMH. So another thing you're going to want to get are tactical gloves. You know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, what are those for? Well, I've never seen those.

[Tom Segura]

Let's say you're in a situation where you might need to get your hands dirty. You know, do you want them dirty? No, no.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Gosh no. Or with chemicals on them. What if you get bomb chemicals on them.

[Tom Segura]

Them?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, like tsa, you know, and they, they put on their gloves before they, they look through your shampoo bottles, make sure you're not carrying nitroglycerin on.

[Tom Segura]

I would go through the airport like this too. This is a good look for flying. If you're a single guy and you're going out on a date, this is a perfect way to show up on a date.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I feel safe.

[Tom Segura]

You feel safe.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I like it that you're ready for any.

[Tom Segura]

And your date might be like, hey, what's up with the vest? What's up with the gloves? Why do you have so much rope? Why do you have this improvised shovel? And you go, well, you know what? I don't know where this date's going to go. You make you believe. Make it a joke. But the thing is, you don't know what that woman's like.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No.

[Tom Segura]

You don't know if you're going to have to, I don't know, bash her over the head with your brass knuckles and then dig a hole, drag her body and bury it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's so true. You don't know if she.

[Tom Segura]

Things that happen, if she's going to.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Provoke you or say something to you, humiliate you.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You got to show her what's up.

[Tom Segura]

You do have to show people what's up. You have to constantly remind people what's up and you have to be ready for them trying to show you what's up.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know, it is a good way to go through life.

[Tom Segura]

It's a great way to go. I feel relaxed. Yeah, I feel. Just feel just as relaxed as Larry, considering every possible threat of every moment.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Can I tell you something? I think I was Larry before I started therapy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like 28 year old Christina, kind of Larry. Kind of. Kind of close to Larry.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Had a little PTSD from my childhood.

[Tom Segura]

Check out these clowns. He.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Him. His.

[Larry (Prepared Not Paranoid)]

Your daughters are.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She. Her name is Luna. Not the dead man that you keep calling her father.

[Skip]

I got it.

[Tom Segura]

This is wild. I feel like this is actually represents academia today. I can't imagine what it's like to teach in Portland.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh yeah, this definitely has Portland vibes all over. Strong vibes, that one. That's no Texas vibes.

[Tom Segura]

No down here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, I mean, you know, what are you gonna do? How hard is it just to call someone by their right pronouns? Pronouns change every day. You just gotta ask.

[Tom Segura]

God, Danny, just. I mean, I don't see the big deal. I don't see the big. Like he's. He is this guy's. He is being, he's being kind of.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

A dick, kind of a knuckle.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he is.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's antagonizing.

[Tom Segura]

It's. It's putting on a show for everything. But it's, I mean, he's, look what he's doing. He's. He's like. So is he their actual professor? Do you know that? Does anyone know? It looks like it says he's a political candidate. Father in a long running custody battle over their twins. Okay. Born a boy. Oh, so one of his children is a boy. Now identifying as Luna, Jeff opposes medical transition while his ex wife supports it. She moved to California where trans refuge laws protect the child was ultimately awarded full custody. And he was speaking against gender affirming treatments at the Universe at the University of North Texas. No, that's where this is. Yes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, my gosh. I take that back. I'm. I'm just shocked.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Then he, he purposely did this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. He's just being a jerk face.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, how do you. But how do you argue with this? You're like, I'm a boy. No, you're not. I'm a boy. No, you're not. Like, the argument's kind of.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, okay. Of course. I'd be like, yeah, whatever, whatever you want. I wouldn't want to get into a debate about that. Well, no, because like, also, you're not even looking at where the exits are. If you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

For sure. You're definitely not safe on this one. No, but also, like, I wouldn't even want to be talking to those kids. You know what I mean? I'd want to be getting out of there as soon as possible. I'd be like, okay, whatever you say.

[Tom Segura]

I got to go home. Yeah. He also, him. Him trying to give this his point of view to these students is like, why, what do you think's going to happen here, man?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

Seems like a really stupid waste of his.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, have you noticed too, the they thems are always that shape, the very blobular. They're all. They all. That's the. That's the prototype of the they them. The squishy blobby body. Right.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's like a thing.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I've only known. I've known one they them who I actually very much like the barista. No.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, this is.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, well, yeah, we'll say that for the sake of. They're on sabbatical now from their job.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But they were thin and like fit. You know, that's very rare. I Usually see this, the shape of they them.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Squishy.

[Tom Segura]

Squishy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Kind of the doughy squishy.

[Tom Segura]

So you go, I'm gonna they them. And someone's like, you're not squishy enough.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, yeah. Because I. Oh, well, I get. But I guess that fits in with they them. You want to be ambiguous.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's kind of ambiguous. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You're like, are you.

[Tom Segura]

And that's what they want. Are you. I'm nothing. I'm they them. Yeah. Don't try to put me in a category. Yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, it makes sense now.

[Tom Segura]

It does make sense.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Let people be what they.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Just let them. Let them.

[Tom Segura]

Who cares?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

How does that affect you? Let's talk about important stuff.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm tired of all this damn talking and texting. Eat this ass. Yeah. Talk to this.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's what you can do. The.

[Tom Segura]

She's over the talking and texting.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I feel like you guys would get along really well.

[Tom Segura]

I think I would get along real well. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, my God.

[Advice Giver]

Are you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We my soul mates.

[Tom Segura]

Let's stop all this banter.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, what guy is not putting out? Isn't that what all they dream about is just like that?

[Tom Segura]

Get to it, man. Yeah, I know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But what guy is delaying the bud eating? I feel like that's all you guys want to do.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I'll tell you who commented on it. Fancy chef.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No. Y' all say this, y' all all say this, y' all say this.

[Tom Segura]

And then he writes, wash it, fire. And then red flags and eye emojis.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, yeah. So he's just saying you should wash it. Wash your ass first, and then I'll.

[Tom Segura]

Come over and eat that ass.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I need that ass.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Pretty cool, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That is cool. Yeah, she's pretty. I feel like her. But I don't think she looks smelly. I think she's probably.

[Tom Segura]

No, I don't think she looks smelly at all. Yeah, she looks. She looks like a nice lady.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. She's. This is. But this is. I think this is specific to someone, you know, seen as broadcast as, like, a general thing. But she's commenting because she's tired of one person.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There's. There's one guy, like.

[Tom Segura]

And then whatever. She's like, what the. Just come eat this ass, dude. Talk to this, man. Yeah, yeah. Somebody's dilly dallying around with her.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Toying with her emotions.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. She's like, what are you doing, man? Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

God, I never felt it that way before. I can't Imagine the frustration of it. You're just. You just want a guy to come over and eat your butt and. And this guy keeps toying with your feelings.

[Tom Segura]

It's just crazy, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Just get over here.

[Tom Segura]

Do you know the great.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Can I pee first? I'm distracted. Sure, let me go whiz.

[Tom Segura]

I know I'm gonna get a lot of about this, but thankfully Tanner came in and showed me that I held it wrong. Oh, like this. I had it the other way.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I didn't even know.

[Tom Segura]

They also said you don't want to strike someone, you want to drag down on them.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Is that right?

[Tom Segura]

Yep. Okay, so thanks for that tip. Also didn't know that on the side of this, you know, shovel that collapses, you have like a straight edge here and you have like a saw on this side.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

So if someone's being real chatty, you know, multi purpose.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I like that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Pretty cool. That's really good to have a tourniquet. You know, if there's like a serious wound, that could happen right after dinner. Keep that on you. Of course we have a machete. This is something you can keep in your trunk or on your person. You know, something you just. You can. You can strap this to your belt loop and you just have a machete on you at all times.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I could have used that when. When I fell down the stairs.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that would have been great.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I wish you would have come down in your tactical vest with all these tools on there.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I could have. I could have just taken your foot off. That's what I had to deal with.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The rehab.

[Tom Segura]

The rehab, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, it was quite a. Quite a pain in the ass.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That's great. Yeah, I know you like literature and you studied philosophy and you like some of these older writers. Were you a fan of James Joyce?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So boring. I tried reading it, but I'm unfamiliar with with it. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know if you're familiar with this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Here you go.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Reader/Performer]

I'm gonna read you a letter. James Joyce, the Irish writer, wrote to his then mistress or girlfriend or partner.

[Tom Segura]

Nora.

[Reader/Performer]

My sweet little whorish Nora.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Reader/Performer]

I'm delighted to see that you do like being fucked ass ways. Yes. Now I can remember that night when I fucked you for so long backwards. At every fuck I gave you, your shameless tongue come bursting out through your lips. And if I gave you a bigger, stronger fuck, dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside. You had an assful of farts that night, darling. And I fucked them out of you big fat fellows. Long Windy ones. Quick little merry cracks. I think I would know Nora's far anywhere. I think I could pick hers out in a room full of farting women. It is a rather girlish noise, not like the wet, windy fart which I imagine fat wives have. It is sudden and dry and dirty, like what a bold girl would let off in a school dormitory at night. Good night, my little farting Nora. My dirty little fuck bird.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I love this.

[Reader/Performer]

Dirtier. Dirtier.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I love this.

[Reader/Performer]

Jim, that's rank.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, this is brill. This is literature. Now, I would have gotten into James Joyce.

[Tom Segura]

The book was like that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

If this was the book. Same Dubliners is boring.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This I could read all day. And why aren't you writing me letters?

[Tom Segura]

Well, I remember. I remember the, like, 40 years ago when I met you. I know you're talking about Bukowski.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, Bukowski. And then the Story of the Eye by George Bataille.

[Tom Segura]

That's right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Both of those is very vulgar, too, about orifices and shoving eyeballs into my asshole and jizz and cum and da.

[Tom Segura]

Da, da, da, da.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Story of the Eye by George Bataille. And Bukowski, too. Filthy.

[Tom Segura]

Filthy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wonderful.

[Tom Segura]

Filthy. I was like, this is good. I like this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I like it, too.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I like James Joyce. I didn't realize I was a fan.

[Tom Segura]

That was pretty cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's really into butt sexing. I didn't.

[Tom Segura]

He likes farts. Yeah.

[Reader/Performer]

My dirty little bird.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's rad. Why don't you call me your dirty little bird?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, we can add it.

[Reader/Performer]

Dirty farts came spluttering out of your backside.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Could you imagine just being appreciated this much? I just. I love that he has. He has to take pen to paper.

[Tom Segura]

Because he's so taken.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So juiced up about this chick's farts and her farts.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So romantic.

[Tom Segura]

Fart while he. While they're. That's also pretty gnarly.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, he recalls it.

[Tom Segura]

Every thrust. Another fart came out of you. Long, windy ones. And, yeah, he was really into it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I really like this guy.

[Tom Segura]

There you go.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The Irish. Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Somebody should release the James Joyce letters as a book. That'll be a bestseller. We'll pump it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'll pump it for sure. Because I've read, like. What is it? Albert Einstein's letters. Boring. Not a lot of these guys. Boring. Let's see some fun stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Check out these clowns. I know you don't want to speak to me after what I said, but, you know, I've been doing some thinking, and we can work things out, baby. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm sorry.

[Skip]

Aw.

[Tom Segura]

You know, I've been doing some baking, too.

[Annie]

You're the best thing in my world.

[Tom Segura]

And I want to keep it that way.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I love you. Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I like that. They didn't hold for the audio, like, for the plane flying overhead. A lot of times on set, if you have a plane or a helicopter, you hold.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Hold for sound. You say, hold for sound.

[Tom Segura]

And they were just like. Just keep her. It's okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's okay. I love you.

[Tom Segura]

I love you. I love you, too, Bab. You still my man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I love you.

[Tom Segura]

That was kind of beautiful.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That was so beautiful.

[Tom Segura]

Annie, what'd you think, Man, I'm. I'm tired of coming here, man. I'm just. I'm getting tired, more tired every day. I don't have thoughts. Did you dissociate during that or something? Probably, yeah, Something like that. Yeah. I don't know. It kind of looks like I know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Is that right?

[Tom Segura]

I don't love that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know these two.

[Tom Segura]

I hope not, dear. What's that guy's name on the left? I don't know. I don't want to know. They're Jack.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But you know what's nice? His earring matches his nipple ring.

[Tom Segura]

That is hot. I mean, cool. That's cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And also, they're having sex on the hard stairs.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They are so into each other that they have to do it on the concrete. They can't even do it on the cushion where the guy was incredible. That's so hot, right?

[Tom Segura]

Any.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Don't you think that's romantic, man?

[Tom Segura]

With the right. Anyway, fuck out of here with this shit, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Black Twitter will hear.

[Tom Segura]

Black Twitter's gonna hear all of this about all the abuse I've been put through. This isn't acceptable. If only we had hr they would be getting a call very soon.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know, I didn't realize. And I'm not into gay male porn. I think I might be into black gay male porn.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, wow.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I might be into this because it's so different. It's so foreign to me. I never see men, black men, expressing love this way.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know, I just read this letter that Tupac wrote to Madonna this morning.

[Tom Segura]

Just let me eat you. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He was so tender and sensitive. You know what's so funny? He wrote in the letter, he goes, you know, as a black man, it's not acceptable for me to show love to an older white woman. That's what he said. I was like, you dick.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And Older, Older. How much older could she have been back then in the 90s, you know, 35 and he's 25 or something.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

An older white woman maybe. God damn, dude. You just ruined this whole fantasy for me. I'm imagining he's writing me the letter.

[Tom Segura]

Really? Because you're an older white woman.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm an older white lady.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Tupac. I mean that would have been, that.

[Tom Segura]

Would have been such a. Oh, he was so pretty. Yeah, he's a good looking guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, he's so arty and stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So you have that fantasy, the Tupac.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Fantasy, that he would write me a letter from jail? Yeah. Cuz he wrote Madonna a letter from jail saying, explaining, like why their relationship didn't work out. A lot of it was societal. He's like, look, I don't know, I. I don't know how I treat an older white lady, basically.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And I'm a thug and I'm, you know, I'm, I'm no good. Yeah, I'm no good. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry, but if you want to come visit me in jail, come visit me and this and that. But you know what's interesting is that he called her Madonna in the letter.

[Tom Segura]

And I'm like, is that like, that's her real name?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, for real?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Are you sure? Yeah, Madonna.

[Tom Segura]

I just thought maybe, remember that it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Would be weird to call somebody by their stage name.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I think that is her real. I think that's her.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Madonna. Chone, will you look up?

[Tom Segura]

Isn't it? Am I wrong?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't know. What's her? Britney.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it is.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, Madonna.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow. That's wild to name your kid that.

[Tom Segura]

Madonna.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Madonna. Louise Traconi. Madonna. Madonna. I mean that's basically naming your kid the Virgin Mary.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, basically the Virgin Mary. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I wonder. She's like has this complex. Yeah. Like she's a star.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When you name a kid that.

[Tom Segura]

God damn, dude. People today too, if you're in your 20s or even 30s, you do not understand how famous this woman was. No, like the peak of her fame was like it was you. I mean it was, it was everywhere. Like you could not get away from the presence of Madonna's impact in, in that time. Like the 80s. Late 80s, I would say is like the peak.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh my God.

[Tom Segura]

Maybe like 80s into the early 90s, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, she's huge.

[Tom Segura]

For decades. But that era was like really dominant.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know. And I just re watched Desperately Seeking Susan while I had AIDS this last two weeks or so and she's so charismatic, and she really captured the. The generation.

[Tom Segura]

And she was. This was at a time, too, where, you know, you turn MTV was. Was the Internet. So every time you turn on MTV, you were joining, like, 50 million people watching it. And it was. A lot of times, it was just Madonna crazy. She dominated that channel. Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And I wanted to be her. That this was my role model.

[Tom Segura]

Every girl did.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's who I wanted to be. Right there.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Far right corner.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Top row, Madonna. She's so rad. I still want to be her. Look at that.

[Tom Segura]

All right, we're getting sidetracked.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We just. Madonna talk. Madonna and Tupac.

[Tom Segura]

We gotta get back to preparedness and safety.

[Larry (Prepared Not Paranoid)]

So he's pinned me into a scenario. I can't get out. He's doing the tough guy thing. His arms are out. I'm using the top back part of my head. And this is a hard area. You can slam this pretty hard, even with elbows, throw punches. Just chase him, even if he's penny to here.

[Tom Segura]

Comment? Ready? Moving this way.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Start trading.

[Larry (Prepared Not Paranoid)]

This may be the only tool that you have. And then you use the wall to bounce back off.

[Tom Segura]

Pretty cool. Pretty cool. I like that. He's demoing his head on a helmet. Yeah, this guy has banged that thing a lot of times.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Comment? Ready to start trading now? Ready, ready, ready.

[Tom Segura]

I'm ready, too, bro. I'm ready. I love this, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I love it, too. He got to bounce off the wall. That's tough to do when a guy's coming at canteen.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, dude, this should be on you all times, too. Well, yeah, 24. Seven. Oh, yeah, water. That's. Honestly, I should have mentioned this first. It should always be on you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You don't have water for 72 hours, you die, bro.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Food is one thing. How long can you go starvation?

[Tom Segura]

Months.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Months. But water?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. No, not long.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Not a joke.

[Tom Segura]

You should think about it. You should really think about it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You should be thinking about it every day, every minute, every hour, every every week, every time.

[Tom Segura]

Think about threats times. Think about being able to see in darkness.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Think about improvised weapons. You know? Tripod. Right. Keys, bottle of booze. What. Anything around you could. You can make a weapon and then think about water a lot, too.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You can make that into a bomb if you wanted. 100 Molotov cocktail.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Here we go. Let's. Let's see some funny stuff. Let's go.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, bro. What just happened? Did he just break his ankle?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he stumbled and broke. That was so fast, bro.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Because it was his weight that broke his ankle.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it was. Yeah. Yeah. He's so. He's so drunk and he's really drunk. He's hammered. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's good.

[Tom Segura]

Holy. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Because I gotta say, when I broke my ankle, I didn't know it was broken at first either. I wanted to get up. You don't know. You don't always know.

[Tom Segura]

That's crazy that he stepped on it again.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, he's.

[Tom Segura]

Ah, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's terrible, Tom.

[Tom Segura]

That was terrible. That was great. That was. If you're listening, it's a. It's a. Looks like it's like a pro level cycling race and after a turn, a guy crashed and then a whole bunch of bikes crashed into him. And then you can hear people screaming.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Tour de France. You have to imagine that this happens a lot in the bicycling in the cycling world.

[Tom Segura]

I would think it happens fairly often. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like you've trained for this. Like I. You should be looking for this again.

[Tom Segura]

Right after a blind turn. I know, that's a great point. You should have turned the corner and.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Then you didn't scan.

[Tom Segura]

Scan obvious you went into it just too fast.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

100%.

[Tom Segura]

Yep. Good point.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

God damn, dude.

[Tom Segura]

All right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's always. I keep. Oh, yeah. Got electric. You got electrocuted.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. He went to grab that. I guess it was like an electrical wire in there, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. And then you got electric. You should have someone else touch things for you, Tom, especially as a celebrity. Like, you're very important.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You shouldn't be touching anything until you have someone, an assistant do it for you. Yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. See, if you had one of those, he would have been okay.

[Tom Segura]

You're seeing so many reasons why Larry's on point.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

A lot of things that happened here wouldn't happen if they had bought Larry's book.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Absolutely.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Absolutely.

[Tom Segura]

Grabbing an electrical wire. I mean, come on, without rubber gloves, would he. Out of your mind.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's stupid.

[Tom Segura]

Yep. He lost consciousness for a brief moment, this guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, who would even expect that that would be electric though? Would you even in a million years think that would be.

[Tom Segura]

That was a good scream. Yeah. Here is simple.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That shocked the hell out. Like he literally. There was no reason to think.

[Tom Segura]

No, no. Yeah. I would have grabbed them.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Why would they electrify plastic grapes anyway?

[Tom Segura]

I don't have. No idea.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So silly here.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I have no idea.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Just one of, you know, nature's safety hazards.

[Tom Segura]

It's. It's always everywhere. That's the thing. That's the thing I'm trying to get to.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know what you're better off doing? Just never leaving the house.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Of course that's. That's preferred.

[Tom Segura]

And make it a hard target.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So that people don't try to break in.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

But then you don't have to worry about any happening because you're just home.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. That's what I try to do.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Minimize risk at all times.

[Tom Segura]

At all times. Oh, my God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Timing's off. I could have told you that already. Yeah. He jumped way too late. He jumped way too late.

[Tom Segura]

That they didn't do him a lot of favors on the speed of the truck.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Worse, dude.

[Tom Segura]

You know, you could have gone five miles and I think that that's. Holy. That was crazy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He didn't anticipate the motion. He. He jumped after the truck was already passing. I mean.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he didn't.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, we've all done this. You gotta one jump now.

[Tom Segura]

Jump now.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Come on, guys. This fool hasn't seen the A team. You haven't watched MacGyver growing up.

[Tom Segura]

He landed on his tail.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He sucks. He does so. What is wrong with you, dude? The timing.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Idiot. Idiot. Yeah. He needed his ropes.

[Tom Segura]

This would have.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That would have helped a lot.

[Tom Segura]

God damn it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Tailbone cover, dummy.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, Jesus. So ridiculous, man. So crazy. We are one week away from teacher. Coming out on Netflix. It's my new special. It Premieres Christmas Eve, December 24th on Netflix. Please put it in your queue. Put a reminder in. Call the fam. Watch it with the family and friends and I thank you very much.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Very excited.

[Tom Segura]

Very excited.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I can't wait to see it come out. It's so cute.

[Tom Segura]

I'm very excited.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So pretty.

[Tom Segura]

Should be very fun thing. You know, who has the right idea? Like, I can't believe that I just said it. And now it's in my. It's in my video bank. Here is about not. You know, you're not going to be in danger if you stay home.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Skip]

My name is skip. I'm 49 years old and I'm starting something today that scares me a little. On January 10th, I'm locking myself into this room for an entire year. 365 days. I won't leave. I'm going to livestream 24 7. I'm doing this because I'm tired of being the version of myself that avoids hard things. I want to get control back. One goal is simple. By the end of the year, I want to do one perfect pull up. The pull up is the proof but the real goal is rebuilding who I am from the ground up. This is day minus 70. I'm starting the preparation now. If you want to follow in the process, stick around.

[Tom Segura]

I have a feeling the people that are in his life are not into this idea. Like the people in the photo frames.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

His children, they're not like, cool idea, man. You know, you don't have to lock yourself in a room for a year to achieve your pull up goals. Right. I mean this is.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But that's funny because that's the only goal that he lists is to do one pull up. Well, you could do that and leave the house.

[Tom Segura]

You can, you can. Now you're going to be in way more danger obviously all the time. But the, the isolation for a year. I don't know if you'll leave a better person. You know, there's a lot of studies about people who are in isolation that it doesn't usually go. It was the best thing that ever happened to them. It's usually.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

This is what psychologically broke this person.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Right. That's how they punish prisoners is solitary conflict find.

[Tom Segura]

That's right, that's right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So yeah, you, you know, you want to create yourself in relation to others, in relation to the world. Being in the world. Safety first, obviously.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Be very safe.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Does he, does he tell you what his other goals are besides just right.

[Tom Segura]

Now it's a pull up. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

He, he wants to break habits, rebuild. And I think this is, this is his approach to doing it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So his greatest fear is to not leave the house to face himself. Is that what it is?

[Tom Segura]

I think he feels stuck in life and he goes, how do I get out of this rut? I'm going to do something dramatic and stay inside. I'm going to stay in a room for a year.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, look, you're definitely going to have a nervous breakdown. So he's right about that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It's going to reset some things.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He will definitely start to break down emotionally very soon. Like remember that show alone, the nature show?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's always. What broke those people was being in social isolation and diarrhea. You usually get diarrhea.

[Tom Segura]

You get both. Yes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Eating sea ot non stop for seven months or so.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But yeah, he'll start crying in a week.

[Tom Segura]

Oh yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know, because I used to want to do a silent retreat when I was in college. And then I was like, I think I would go crazy within. Like. Right. I mean, really think about it. How long can you stay silent?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. But I Think this is gonna really go poorly for this guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Can we live stream? I'd love to sign up.

[Tom Segura]

He doesn't. He. Yeah, he starts next. Well, he starts in like a month. Oh, okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, let's, let's keep track of him.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Over the year.

[Tom Segura]

What is this? Breaking news.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Mary Magdalene, who is the model and.

[Tom Segura]

Influencer that we based Tina off of, has passed away. Really? Yeah. Can you pull that up? Oh, no.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

33.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, no.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, she was gorgeous.

[Tom Segura]

And says the surgery addicted social media star known as Mary Magdalene has been found dead in Thailand. 33 year old whose real name was Denise Yvonne Jarvis Congora died after falling from the 9th floor balcony of a high rise on Tuesday. Daily News. Daily Mail has reviewed information released by the police that verifies her identity and independently confirmed the death with a source. The Mexican Canadian model's body was discovered by hotel staff in the parking area. Oh, damn. Jeez, that sucks, bro.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That reminds me of Tino so much.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, she was huge influence on us.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, she really, she went wild with that. Wow. Hey, man. Yeah, he might come out of his one year looking like that. You never know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I hope so.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I don't think he'll last.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't think he'll last either. Plastic surgery.

[Tom Segura]

Gosh, it's very painful.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She really went for it though.

[Tom Segura]

Look at her with how she was before all that. Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Rest in peace.

[Tom Segura]

Damn. Yep. Rest in peace, Denise.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yikes.

[Tom Segura]

That's crazy. You have some friends that are single ladies.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep, all the single ladies.

[Tom Segura]

Have you ever thought of giving a suggestion that might help them not be single?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, like what?

[Advice Giver]

Here's the advice for young single women who want to be married and feel as though they're being passed over. Lose 20 to 30 pounds.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Duh.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Advice Giver]

I'm a young woman, I'm a Christian, I love the Lord. I'm not a boss, babe. And you might be thinking like, why, why am I being passed over? There could be a lot of reasons, but one common one is drop some lbs. You could perhaps need to maybe be intentional over the next three to six months.

[Tom Segura]

I love the soft language to strive.

[Advice Giver]

To lose 20 to 30 pounds.

[Tom Segura]

20 to 30. Yeah.

[Advice Giver]

I. I'm actually willing to be criticized publicly in order to tell women the truth so that they might live more God pleasing, satisfying, fulfilled lives. That's the opposite of misogyny. Yeah, that's actually loving women. It's actually loving women.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, he loves me.

[Tom Segura]

It's the same message. I will say it is really the same message that Kevin Samuels was spitting.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Right. But, but, but Kevin Samuels was direct. Direct and open about it. And he's, you know, he's doing his whole. I'm just like a loving Christian guy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's got to tell you, as Christians.

[Tom Segura]

This is really a soft way of getting in there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's. It's how you be an. In today's world, people are so afraid of being. So they have to go. I sort of. I kind of feel like it's sort of a died. This is why I love 50 Cent. And this whole P. Diddy 50 Cent thing going on is that if it is old school, he's like, go, you, your mother. And it's so respected. Yeah, it's so respected because he's just, it's just out. Yeah. This guy is still trying to be a nice guy. Just still like me, like.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's like, shut the up.

[Tom Segura]

Shut up, bro.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Just, just call chicks fat like people have been doing for. Forever.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Everyone calls chicks fat.

[Tom Segura]

That. Well, that was like. That was the great thing about Kevin that I always miss.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Is he'd be like, what do you weigh? How tall are you? What's your job, kind of baggage you have?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. How many kids?

[Tom Segura]

Like no one wants you. You ain't.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Next caller. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, is he married? He's married.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So who's he talk. Who's he telling it to?

[Tom Segura]

He's telling the young Christian women of America this was only to Christians though. This didn't apply to you if. Man, this trauma shears look great. I like the way they're resting up on your throat.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Thanks. I like to keep them right there.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Just in case, as a reminder, if you're ever going to be like, where are my trauma shears?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Right. I feel them. I feel like touching my skin all the time.

[Tom Segura]

That's pretty cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Thanks.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. But I mean this, by the way, this goes both ways. You could make this message to young single men too.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

To not be fat.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And lose 20, 30 pounds.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know, but it's never that. It's always just be richer, be more successful.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Get your together, work wise.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Cuz the whole thing is like, guys like looks, women like money. Isn't that the big.

[Tom Segura]

I mean. Yeah. Yes. Yeah. I don't know, but I think it applies to both. Right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

If you're single and you're like, what's going on? I don't know. Have you looked in the mirror? Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's.

[Tom Segura]

Have you thought about getting a facelift or A nose job.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know. And it's so easy to be hot these days.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You can't just, like, pay for it.

[Tom Segura]

Everything's available.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know. Just go get plastic surgery.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, man. I know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Now that I've done it, like, it's so awesome. I want to do everything now.

[Tom Segura]

Do it. Go for. Go to where Tina was. That lady looked great. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't think the butt lifts look good. Like, Madonna's butt doesn't look good.

[Tom Segura]

You don't think so?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't think you can do like, peck in, like, the pec. The muscular implants don't look real to me. And they don't look good yet. Like, I don't think that. That looks crazy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, those. Those look insane. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She didn't need it.

[Tom Segura]

God, she's done so much to herself.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's too much. You can't do too much.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Why would you do that, dude?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't know. Dude.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't know. Maybe she's. I look, I don't have a big ass either, but that's kind of what, you know, you got to work with.

[Tom Segura]

What the Lord gave you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Framework is, you know, she's petite. She can't have a big ass. That's how it goes.

[Tom Segura]

That is how it goes. You just do more squats.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. She was in such good shape for so long.

[Tom Segura]

Really? Yeah. And then also, if you get too crazy, world famous. Yeah. This kind of happens to you. I think this happens to the women who get crazy, crazy famous.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Because you want to stay forever young and forever relevant.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

As a young person. And it's just not possible. It is possible. I think you can age. Just do it. You just can't do the same things you were doing when you're 60, 70.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You gotta. You gotta change your style a little bit.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You can't insist on being 20 because you're not. It doesn't work right.

[Tom Segura]

It's so true.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Just age. It's okay to age. There's nothing wrong with aging.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Just be 70 year old Madonna or whatever.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, we got some. Yeah, of course we have. We got some young Herc, you know, Herc Junior.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Of course I know Herc Junior.

[Tom Segura]

Where is my guy? Where is he? There we go. Yeah, you return. Here's the spirit of Herc. Number, name and serial number. Chief Barista. Why is she refusing ID herself to me? Look at your gray hair, you old lady. Look, your hair, old lady. Chief restaurant. Why she refuse an idea herself to me? Why she have to leave the unit running. And again, he's always on the move, which was a real Herc trait. You were always in different cities, you know?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

Where is this? Do you know where this is?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That might be Miami.

[Tom Segura]

I was gonna say those colors a lot. Yeah, that's awesome, dude. Here we go. Yep, that's Miami there. What is your name and serial number? What is your name and serial number? My name is serial number.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Larry (Prepared Not Paranoid)]

You asking for my badge number?

[Tom Segura]

Your serial number. Division, City of Miami, Brickell Division. No, no. What division in the city of Miami?

[Larry (Prepared Not Paranoid)]

The special operations section.

[Tom Segura]

These guys are always like, is there something I have to say? He always engages, like, really, like, usually, like, willing police officers who are like, do you have, like, an emergency? They're like, I'm sorry, what?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Because he comes in hot.

[Tom Segura]

He always comes in hot, which is the trait of meth. You come in hot, dude.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What's your serial number?

[Tom Segura]

You don't lead with. Excuse me.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No.

[Tom Segura]

As soon as that window comes out. Name and serial number.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No. Hi, how are you? No, sir.

[Tom Segura]

Can I talk to you?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's just straight into it.

[Tom Segura]

Are you a certified peace officer in the state of Florida?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Duh.

[Tom Segura]

I think it's interesting that you can take the unit home and you can live counties over. That's pretty interesting. Yeah, they should.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's right. That's the.

[Annie]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Well, he just. He was like, oh, this guy's out of his fucking mind. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Out of all the police we've seen, that's the normal response you should be having, which is, okay, buddy. Enough for this.

[Tom Segura]

And sometimes they're like, why are you doing this? Like, they're so. They're so. I love when they're just like, I'm just sitting in my car. He's like, yeah, you're fucking running the car, wasting gas. They're like, what?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, but this is Miami, where it's home of the Locos.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, so many locals.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is 24 7. Loco. Loco show for sure.

[Tom Segura]

So he's just like, oh, this is another so crazy. Very cowardly, what you're doing. You should chafe. And don't support this business. This business is tied to Scientology. Don't support this business right here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Then look open.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you don't have to worry about that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I think. I think we did. Yeah. Good.

[Tom Segura]

Hey, man. Yeah, he's doing his thing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Stuff like that. Shave your face. I thought his facial hair looked fine. I thought it looked good.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, he has a. Okay. Oh, yeah. He's a Sigma Chi audits.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Real name is Keem James. He is a political science major at ucla. What? Holy. And the reason he harasses the Sigma Kai is he believes they are affiliated with the Illuminati.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Duh. Everybody knows that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I like that. It says he is known amongst fraternities as the guy who harasses people. Yep. That's pretty accurate.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Illuminati. I guess he want. You know what it is? He wants to be a part of their group, and then they're not letting him in. Right. I think he just wants to be a Sigma Kai.

[Tom Segura]

Everybody wants to be part of something.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And in there, and then he's, you know, he just doesn't know how to make friends.

[Tom Segura]

He doesn't. He really doesn't.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Jealous. Jealous of all the fun they're having.

[Tom Segura]

Yep. Well, you know, if you can't join a group, I would say just be prepared on how to handle them. Just think of. Yeah. Every possible scenario.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Look left, look right.

[Tom Segura]

Look left and look right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Move to this other direction here.

[Tom Segura]

If you see a fire, walk away from it. Like that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep. Stuff like that. Smart.

[Tom Segura]

Here's some of your talks.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes, hello. If you're gonna sell on Facebook Marketplace, don't leave me on red.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. That's what. Thank you. Thanks for that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, if you're gonna put your stuff on Facebook Marketplace, don't leave her on red.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Reply, dude.

[Tom Segura]

And this is just out there for people.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, yeah. Do you know how to use Facebook Marketplace?

[Tom Segura]

I haven't used it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So then this could have been for you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You stopped it.

[Tom Segura]

That is true. I'll save this one, but I'll watch it later.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, watch it later.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Take notes.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you for following me on here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But I don't want to have long conversations on chat rooms at the moment. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Bye. He doesn't want to have long conversations on chat rooms. He doesn't want to. Why you keep asking him?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What? Well, how are people going to know? He doesn't want to have the long conversations in the chat rooms unless he puts a video out.

[Tom Segura]

It's a good point. It's a good point.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I love Vanill.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Isla Vanill, can you meet your party at the customer service desk?

[Tom Segura]

You had to say it more than once or you think she heard that?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What's the name?

[Tom Segura]

Last name? Vanill.

[Annie]

First name?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Isla. Isla Vano.

[Advice Giver]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Attention, shoppers. Isla Vano, can you please meet your party at the service desk? Isla Vano, can you please meet your party? Get the service to. Thank you.

[Tom Segura]

I was wondering if you can call for my sister to meet me back up here real quick.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Seriously, what's her name?

[Tom Segura]

Last name is V and her first name is Isla.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Isla v. Yeah. Paige isa.v. electronic.

[Tom Segura]

He's got a rubbing tug shirt on. Here we go. This is very good. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So good.

[Tom Segura]

That's great.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Such a classic menace formula.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's just timeless. It's good fun every time.

[Tom Segura]

It's always good.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's always good.

[Tom Segura]

And you should keep this up.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Forever.

[Tom Segura]

And if you're. You're a kid, go to your local store and do this. This is good fun. It's good for everyone.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I've been pushing. Never give up on my stories. And I hope you guys buy her CD because she's got CDs for sale for the holidays too. Never give up.

[Tom Segura]

It's really nice of you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You got it.

[Tom Segura]

If you guys like the craft. And you better hurry up because this is about to be flying off the shelves. The Forever roll by Shaman. 555ft of paper. I mean, this is. Never mind technology like AI or. Or evolving into the bidet. This is doubling down like wipe until your butt bleeds. We got a kickstand. The starter kit. Stainless steel.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is.

[Tom Segura]

If you're a janitor. You got to get excited for this. I'm talking. I got to get this teachers faculty room. Cuz they go through it like nothing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is.

[Annie]

I'm going to crap.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, dude. 500ft.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They should only be making Forever Rolls.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Why would you buy anything inferior to a Forever Roll?

[Tom Segura]

Cuz that's big toilet paper. The. The corporations, of course. Yeah. They give you a little bit. A couple tickets and then you are. You're out. I need more. Of course.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Keep you on the line.

[Tom Segura]

That's right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You coming back?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. They're like drug dealers.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

They. They. This is like a hidden thing. No one knows about this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I never heard about this until this guy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Thanks for putting that out there, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Kate, can you please come and open the gate? I can't because I have a date. What do you mean you have a date? Kate, Kate, Kate, Kate. I'm happy for you that you have a date. Don't forget to make him wait. Otherwise you won't appreciate. Go out and celebrate and also have a debate. Because it's nice to have a debate on a date. She does rhymes for any name. Any name she can do.

[Tom Segura]

I was so surprised how upsetting that was to me. It really bothered me.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What?

[Tom Segura]

All of it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Come on.

[Tom Segura]

It really bothered me.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She can do this. For any name. Like I said, Tom. Tom, you're the wrong.

[Tom Segura]

Her expression bothers me, too.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, it's. It's fun, Tom. Yeah, it's just fun. Hey, I had to change to my sweater because it'll be getting cold as out here.

[Tom Segura]

That's a good one. That's a nice quick one.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She's amazing.

[Tom Segura]

She's always here. Yeah. You have to be like, process with me. Yeah.

[Annie]

My favorite Monday morning moan.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Annie]

Plenty to moan about. Afraid to fart. Oh, my God. Do you ever have a bad stomach?

[Tom Segura]

I've got a really bad stomach today.

[Annie]

Yeah. We had a bit of a mix up last night at dinner and we made potato salad. And there were three varieties of potato salad. There's only three of us. I don't like raw onion. Like, I do not like it. I hate raw onion. My whole body hates it. You'll read about it in the book. Why it's so bad.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Annie]

Why it creates such a negative trigger in my body.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay.

[Annie]

The book is called Afraid to Fart and the Fine Art of Following Through.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Annie]

If you've ever been afraid to fart, you need to read the book.

[Tom Segura]

Did we not order that book?

[Annie]

So last night we made potato salad and we chopped up some onion for one of my friends really finely. She likes it very fine. And then we chopped up a rough bit of onion. And I help because I quite like chopping things because I'm still quite good at chopping things.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Annie]

When I know what I'm doing with the knife and the board and everything. I've stopped chopping the ends off my fingers. I've got used to the blindness over the last couple of years.

[Tom Segura]

She's blind.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Sounds like it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I do like her eyes, though. I thought. I think they're a really cool defining feature on her face. I find her face very interesting. I like watching her talk. And yeah, I like her. And I agree. Onions are nice.

[Annie]

I'm a great chopper. I'm a triple Virgo. I think I've said that a few times.

[Tom Segura]

What is that?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's you three Virgos.

[Annie]

So this raw onion is on two plates and put the potato salad on top and mixed it and I had my potatoes.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. That's. Thank you for that. Jesus Christ.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You don't want to hear the potato salad?

[Tom Segura]

No, it's a good story. It is a good story. Sorry.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, she chopped it. She can still chop. They gave her the farts. And then there's three different types of potato salad. I don't know if you Caught.

[Tom Segura]

I caught that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And the one she had with the onions gave her gas.

[Tom Segura]

And cuz she didn't know she was eating the one with onions. Is that what happened?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I think so. So finely chopped in there.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. You need a six minute video to get to that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She's got to write a book about it too. Oh, ready?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, it's so good. It's so funny.

[Larry (Prepared Not Paranoid)]

All the kids were like, you have.

[Tom Segura]

To show that to the boys.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Of course. So there's like, I don't know if this is true, but they're like in and out. Had to stop doing number 67 because kids were of course doing this stuff, which is so fun.

[Tom Segura]

Makes sense. Well, that guy had fun with it. That's nice.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I really thinking about the onion story.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Because I think it would have the same effect on you.

[Tom Segura]

The onions.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Don't onions affect your.

[Tom Segura]

No, not. Well, yeah, maybe. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't even tell you that I solved the fart mystery.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, tell us. This is a huge YMH exclusive. What are you doing? Why did you bury the leaf? You wait until the end of the episode.

[Tom Segura]

So I have been farting fucking wild. Right. Like so, so, so crazy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And.

[Tom Segura]

It coincided with my following this meal plan which has me eating, just following These macros, eating 200 grams of protein a day, which is not that crazy. But you have to like stay on it. Right. And I was starting my day with yogurt, which I used to do, I haven't done in a while. And protein powder, whey protein. Those are both dairy products.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

And I think I've always been lactose intolerant.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

And not really realized it. And then I remembered that that GI doc I talked to was like, you should just take lactate before you have any dairy. She's like, that's what I recommend to people. My I do it. My family does it. Started doing that and guess what?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What?

[Tom Segura]

The farts just kind of went away.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is crazy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So you're just telling me you've been lactose intolerant this whole time?

[Tom Segura]

I think so, yeah. Yeah. She also said that 70 of the population is some level of lactose. Yeah, 70.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know. Every time I eat yogurt, I hate it. It feels bad.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Every time I eat dairy to feel bad.

[Tom Segura]

Pretty crazy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You're not supposed to eat curdled cow's milk. Curdled animal milk.

[Tom Segura]

It's really not.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Why the are we doing that in the first place?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Why are we drinking Cow's milk. It's so weird, dude.

[Tom Segura]

You know what actually just rips, dude.

[Larry (Prepared Not Paranoid)]

Is like when you're vacuuming and you.

[Tom Segura]

Just hit that one spot, dude, like you're just on the carpet, it just starts crackling, dude. Like, what? What is that? And it just smells good. This is your sign of vanquish some vacuuming today. Dude, it's Sunday. Let's get our castle ready.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Crocle, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, he's so right though.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Rips.

[Tom Segura]

Everybody knows that feeling smells so good. That does. Rip.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And you go. And it just starts to pop. You're like, just tight.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, but the smell, it's like that. It's like the burnt, dusty smell.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, it's so good.

[Tom Segura]

It's so good.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I felt this so hard.

[Tom Segura]

One of those things that I don't think I've ever heard someone articulate. And as soon as they did, you're like, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, that is dope.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Rips.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, Rips. Hard rips.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Vanquish some vacuuming.

[Tom Segura]

You're going into the last week before Christmas. It's one of the most dangerous times of the year. So I just want to leave everybody knowing that, you know, the Amazon package thieves are out there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, boy.

[Tom Segura]

Porch pirates. Pickpocketers are out there. There's basically clowns in every direction.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Car break ins. Hide your shopping bags in your trunk.

[Tom Segura]

Lock it up and stay ready. Stay ready. Of course, I didn't point out the travel first aid kit you need that, handcuffs, all these things you can pretty much get away with if you get pulled over by the police. Some of them might give you a hard time, but you know, just ask for their name and serial number, you probably get out of it. Yeah, but I just want everybody out there to just, you know, remember, stay vigilant, stay ready, stay alert, never relax. And I think this is actually what I would call like a day one purchase. If I was going to say, how do you stay prepared? This is what I would get. Day one. And then I would just add to it. You know, obviously we're going to talk about night vision goggles. Coming up. We're going to talk about weapons, explosives.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, I didn't see a compass in here either. How do you even know where north is? And this is ridiculous.

[Tom Segura]

This is a great point. Yeah, we didn't. We didn't. We didn't get everything we should have gotten, which is, you know, I blame the guys, but there's a. There's a lot of stuff that I think is, is, you know, if you want Unless. Unless you just go, oh, I want to die today, you know, then don't get any of this stuff. But if you want to live, I would. I would go in this direction. I would follow Larry prepared, not paranoid, and get his book. And hopefully we'll be talking to him soon about how to up our game, about staying ready if he feels safe.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Enough to talk to us.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, well, we'll be very secure the day he comes in here. Extremely. I'll bring in extra security that day. Yeah. But anyway, hopefully you're listening or watching in a safe environment. Maybe a panic room or something of that nature. Lock yourself in a closet. But, you know, stay prepared, stay vigilant, and scan every room from left to right and avoid fires. And that's. That's kind of it for today. But thank you for watching. Thank you for listening. Anything else?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Stay safe.

[Tom Segura]

Stay safe, Stay safe. We'll see you next time. Good job. All right, here we go. Go.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She's got tits and she knows how to use them.

[Skip]

Try down.

[Tom Segura]

Try down.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She takes shits and she knows when to do something. Oh, my God. Try it out.

[Tom Segura]

Try it out.

[Annie]

Try it out.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She got tits, she takes shits. She got tits, she takes shits.

[Tom Segura]

She.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She's got tits and she knows how to use them. She takes shits. Oh, meow, meow. She knows when to do something. Oh, my God. She got tits. She takes shits. She got tits, she takes shits. Oh, shit. Okay, okay, okay, okay. Oh, shit. Okay, okay, okay. That's how we do it. She takes shits. She had tits. She takes shits. Home, you know.