[REDACTED] Is In The Epstein Files?! | Your Mom's House Ep. 848

Summary

Podcast Summary: Your Mom's House Ep. 848 – “[REDACTED] Is In The Epstein Files?!”

Podcast: Your Mom’s House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Hosts: Christina Pazsitzky & Tom Segura
Date: February 25, 2026
Studio: YMH Studios
Main Theme:
An extended, winding conversation between married comedians Christina P. and Tom Segura, blending absurdist comedy, updates on their personal lives, reflections on family and mortality, and their signature fascination with internet video oddities and societal taboos. The episode features a running gag about the phrase “Fart N word”, deeply irreverent humor about pet death and family, firearm safety content, and playful takes on controversial public figures and content.

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Episode Overview

This episode kicks off with a comedic mention of Tom’s new beardless look (due to filming a new season of his show “Bad Thoughts”), before diving into eclectic updates about their family life, most notably the unexpected saga of a dying family hamster. Throughout the show, Tom and Christina riff on internet culture, viral “drops,” firearm safety, neighborhood crime-mapping, graphic stunt and injury videos, and social taboos—often with trademark shock humor and marital banter. The episode’s title tease (“Epstein Files”) turns into a long-running joke about fellow comedian Bert Kreischer.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The “Fart N Word” Clip & Viral Office Humor

[00:13–03:00, 16:10–16:31, 17:27–25:07]

• Christina and Tom obsess over a viral outtake where TV host Nicole Curtis exclaims “Fart N word” in frustration, analyzing the absurdity and repercussions.
• Christina:
  “I can’t stop watching it.” [00:14]
• Tom and Christina joke about whether the phrase is disarming or still offensive. They speculate on how such outtakes leak (“Somebody hates Nicole!” [21:34]).
• Notable quote:
  “I will say, I spent a lot of time growing up in Florida, I went to college in North Carolina. I heard a lot of variations. I have never heard fart N word.” – Tom Segura [20:05]
• They joke about potential creative “passes” for offensiveness and muse on the fate of Nicole Curtis' show (“She became frustrated with the task, once the video became public, she was immediately pulled off the air, and the show was canceled.”) [19:23]
• They riff on what would have happened if the infamous Trump Apprentice outtakes had leaked, recalling campaign rumors.

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2. Tom’s Beardless Face and Career Talk

[02:26–06:11]

• Tom discusses shaving his beard for his show “Bad Thoughts” and the jarring experience of seeing himself clean-shaven.
• Christina plugs her stand-up dates and celebrates going back on tour:
  “I’m happy for me, too, because I’m bored. It’s time to go out and tell fart jokes to the public.” [03:48]
• “Bad Thoughts” shoot life is described as intense but fun; Tom relishes the many costume/character changes (“Every day is like a new movie basically… every day is a whole new story.” [05:30])

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3. The Hamster Death Saga: Parental Deceptions and Mourning

[07:14–16:06, 13:55–16:04, 38:20–38:41]

• Christina confesses she staged their hamster Sweetie’s death before it actually died, to spare the kids from witnessing it die in real-time:
  “I hid the hamster in the basement, and then I faked Sweetie’s death.” [08:18]
• Tom is caught off guard:
  “I’m learning about this in real time. So right now, the hamster that the children believe is dead is alive.” [08:43]
• The family holds a funeral for the not-yet-departed hamster; in parallel, they adopt a chameleon.
• Christina reminisces about her dad’s even more hands-off attitude toward dead animals at home:
  “He glued the door shut to the attic and then let the animal rot in the middle of summer.” [15:27]
• Dark humor about animal deaths and “hamster hospice,” leading to Tom suggesting a gig for PETA.

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4. Graphic and Absurd Family and Body Talk

[04:37–05:16, 27:41–28:53]

• Tom describes the pitfalls of beard-shaving for hygiene (spilling food, unhindered smells), and debates getting his “hair around [his butt] lasered off.”

• Christina:
  “You should enjoy the last decade of your life hairless and smooth and clean.” [05:02]

• Extended period-humor bit about Tom’s imaginary period and tampon preference:
  Tom: “I put the tampon on the ground and I squat down on it and then I do a lot of Kegel stuff, so I’m able to just... it just feels like, you know.” [28:19]

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5. Firearm Safety & Larry’s Drills

[31:03–38:37, 39:37–44:33]

• Tom and Christina review YouTuber Larry’s intense, escalating firearm safety advice (flat range to urban gunfights).

• Christina questions the city application—Larry’s heavy tactical vibe is more “rural prepper” than practical for daily life.

• Larry’s knife/self-defense lesson is graphically dissected:
  “That is a crazy video. He was just like, ‘You never know what could happen.’ And then he just stabs a fucking piece of wood where a person’s eye would be.” – Tom [35:30]

• Gun skills for their kids? Comedy at the border of seriousness and absurdity.

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6. Neighborhood Crime-Mapping & “Family Watchdog”

[41:14–44:33]

• Larry recommends the “Family Watchdog” website for tracking local sex offenders.
• Tom and Christina fondly recall running “guess-the-offense” games from mugshots in shady neighborhoods: “When you live in a shady neighborhood and it’s all lit up, you’ll just see these little squares.” – Christina [42:45]

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7. “Epstein Files” & Bert Kreischer Running Joke

[29:42–30:41]

• Tom, with mock gravity, claims Bert Kreischer is in the Epstein files. Christina plays along, urging listeners to “run with it.”
• “Bert is in the Epstein files. Take it upon yourself to run with that.” – Tom [30:34]

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8. Internet & Injury Video Round-Up

[47:00–50:34]

• The pair react to viral video fails: a woman falling through a floor, a construction worker nailing his boot, a pro skater’s horrific face-first crash (Nyjah Huston).
• Christina:
  “Bro, it’s gotta be hard to have this kid’s parent, can you imagine, you see this video? It’s your baby!” [49:11]
• Updates on Dick Fill documentary, which spun off a previous show guest’s “injection” business into a film.
  “The documentary is very informative and I hope you guys will check it out. … Maybe you can get an injection in your penis.” – Tom [50:17]

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9. Adult TikTok, Sex Culture & Generational Kinks

[51:19–63:51]

• Christina curates “TikToks” involving adult play, ASMR beaver, and odd healing/stretching treatments.
• Tom is baffled by a cruise focused on adult “playrooms”; they joke about the surprisingly attractive participants.
• Extended riff on “aftercare” in the BDSM community.
• Fascination turns to “hot granny TikTok” and an ongoing bit about the sexual tastes of people around them:
  “There’s a whole lane of hot granny talk now... it's about time, you know.” – Christina [59:43]
• Christina announces she’ll perform at Skankfest (in New Orleans, Nov. 13–15) after being convinced by Louis J. Gomez.
• Ridiculous TikToks about cold sore patches, dangerous home remedies (“I decided to put tree sap in my urethra… Turns out I did not [build up a tolerance].”) [63:16, 63:51]

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Tom on viral phrases:
  “It takes a lot of the sting out of it.” (on using “fart” as a prefix to an offensive word) [18:50]
• Christina’s take on pet death:
  “I honestly just wanted to bang its head against the sidewalk…That’s what we do. Odd guy, odd jobs.” [10:16]
• Tom on firearm training:
  “He took it from flat range to outdoor range to where you’ll carry it and then getting in a vehicle and basically, basically preparing for war.” [33:09]
• Christina on aftercare in kink:
  “Yeah, give me water bottle.” [59:35]

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Fart N Word Viral Clip Analysis: [00:13–03:00], [16:10–16:31], [17:27–25:07]
• Tom’s “Bad Thoughts” Beardless Update: [02:26–06:11]
• Christina’s Stand-Up Tour Dates Plug: [03:09]
• Hamster Death/Parenting Deceit: [07:14–16:06], [13:55–16:04]
• Period/Tampon Bit: [27:41–28:53]
• Bert Kreischer / Epstein Files Running Joke: [29:42–30:41]
• Firearm Safety Larry Videos/Discussion: [31:03–38:37], [39:37–44:33]
• Neighborhood Sex Offender Maps: [41:14–44:33]
• Injury/Fail Videos: [47:00–50:34]
• TikTok “Hot Granny Talk” & Sex Culture Bits: [59:43–63:51]
• Skankfest Announcement: [60:54–62:11]

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Tone & Style

• Language: Casual, crass, darkly humorous, and self-mocking.
• Dynamic: Married “bathroom humor” meets sharp satire of modern society, with regular excursions into the grotesque, the taboo, and the absurd.
• Memorable Moment: Tom and Christina’s honest, raucous laughter at the repeated “Fart N word” drop; the strange empathy for a dying hamster cloaked in joke after joke about death and family trauma.

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This episode is classic YMH: boundary-pushing, intimate, and endlessly riffing on the weirdness of both internet culture and suburban domesticity.

Transcript

[Tom Segura]

Well, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

[Christina P]

Oh, look at that face.

[Tom Segura]

Yes, ma'. Am.

[Christina P]

How you doing? Fart n word. I hope we were rolling. How great is Fart N word? I can't stop watching it.

[Tom Segura]

I've been watching so many people that haven't seen it, you know, I think they're probably just going, like, what? Well, I have it. If you want me to share it, I will.

[Guest or Producer]

Words,

[Christina P]

dude, your face looks great. Your face. Your face looks great. You got great. Look at that pretty mouth. I never get to see that.

[Tom Segura]

I know. It's so strange to me.

[Christina P]

You have, like, such a pretty face.

[Tom Segura]

You think I'm a pretty lady?

[Christina P]

No, I don't. How much of a storm do you think you're going to cause on the interwebs for not having a beard right now? Do you feel like it's going to be a thing talking about, is it

[Tom Segura]

bigger in our world?

[Christina P]

Is it bigger than fart N word?

[Tom Segura]

It's not bigger than fart. N Word. Hey, real quick, what's. What's that?

[Guest or Producer]

I don't.

[Tom Segura]

What is what? You don't know Fart N. Oh, no, let's not even. Hold on, buddy.

[Christina P]

Yeah, no, I don't.

[Tom Segura]

Let's save it. Yeah. Don't give it away.

[Christina P]

It is so great. Okay, okay.

[Tom Segura]

It's a great question. Is a great lost look on your face. Can you're like, can I learn about this too? Hey, I got. I got. I got a question before we go any further, further. Could you give me some insight into what Fart N Word is?

[Guest or Producer]

It just feel like I might be behind on this one.

[Christina P]

You are, and I've been dying to talk to you about it.

[Guest or Producer]

Oh, lovely.

[Christina P]

You gotta weigh in.

[Tom Segura]

It's gotta. It's gotta enter the lexicon for sure. Oh, I hope it does on a national level. But at least in the office, you

[Christina P]

know, do we have it as an ISO. As a drop?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, I. I got you. I gotcha. We're rolling, right?

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah, we're in.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P]

What's wrong with your face?

[Tom Segura]

Well, what's wrong with my face is the same thing that was wrong with my face last time this happened, which is that I am shooting Bad Thoughts season two at the moment. And there's always a point when they go, hey, for this character, you can't have a beard. And it changes everything.

[Christina P]

They. Them.

[Tom Segura]

So, yeah, beardless, it is stunning to my. Thanks. Every time I walk by a mirror, I go, oh, Jesus Christ. And I forget all day that. You just forget. And then. Yeah, Then you're reminded of it.

[Christina P]

That's. That's fun.

[Tom Segura]

But, you know, people have been nice in person. I'm sure the Internet will be different, but in person, people are nice. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Can I. I'd like to plug my two stand up dates while I have the audience enraptured with me. And April 24th and 25th, I'm going to be in Irving, Texas, which is really just another word for Dallas. And then Comedy Vox. Yes, it does. Comedy and prayer. May 4. Is that May 14 through 16. Denver comedy Rex. And then I had to move my Chicago to September. Get your tickets now, christinap.com they're moving fast. It's really exciting.

[Tom Segura]

You guys are going to work is just the best. Dude. It. And I'm happy for you. You're going. You're going back. You're back on the road, dude.

[Christina P]

Comedy works. Yes, it does.

[Tom Segura]

Comedy and prayer.

[Christina P]

Yeah. I'm happy for me too, because I'm bored. It's time to go out and tell fart jokes to the public. You know what? You all right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I spilled. I didn't have a beard, so it just spilled all over my face. I used to just let it sit in my beard. Then I lick my beard, but that time it spilled.

[Christina P]

Do you feel the lack of smells around your mouth and nose now?

[Tom Segura]

Yes. Yeah. And this really. You know what this really makes me think about more is getting the hair around my lasered off. Because all. Every day. Here's what happens. Every day, I take a and it's like on the top of your head. Imagine if you out of the top of your head and then somebody gave you some tissue paper and was like, just clean it up.

[Christina P]

Mm.

[Tom Segura]

And wonder why I'm in the bathroom for 25 minutes. It's because I'm cleaning up the hair on the top of your head.

[Christina P]

Yeah. But then everybody's like, oh, Christina, why don't you lick Tom's butthole? Why don't you put your fingers in there? Well, maybe it's because of that.

[Tom Segura]

Fair. Fair point.

[Christina P]

So do you think you really will? I think you should.

[Tom Segura]

I want to do the laser. I want a laser around the hole.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Well, what are you. You're almost 50. You've got 10 good years left of your life before you drop dead. I think you should do. You should enjoy the last decade of your life hairless and smooth and clean.

[Tom Segura]

I'm sorry, how much time is left?

[Christina P]

We are. Man. You guys die early.

[Tom Segura]

I'm 46.

[Christina P]

No, you're not.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you Are.

[Christina P]

That's. Yeah, okay, whatever. How's la? Tell me about it.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I mean, all I know is what the set is like. I wake up at 4:30 on most days. Yeah, it's been so fun. Doing the show is fun. It's non stop. Every day is like a new movie basically because it's a whole new story, obviously a whole new script, usually a whole new character and a completely different look. And it's, it's so much fun. I mean I have so much fun doing it, but yeah, it's. It's a lot of work and then usually you finish that and you're doing, you know, either costume fittings or casting sessions or producer sessions or edit sessions. It's. It's just non stop. But thank God it's, it's fun.

[Christina P]

You're a multi hyphenate, you know what I'm saying?

[Tom Segura]

I'm a choreographer, you know, man, I make music videos, I'm dancing, I'm an artist, I'm a photographer, you know, I'm saying I do real estate. If you're trying to get a place to live, I do it all, baby.

[Christina P]

Well, the boys are loving your costume changes. You keep sending over every night.

[Tom Segura]

It's fun to send it to them. Did they like the reptile dealer? I like. You like him.

[Christina P]

No, because they, they couldn't even listen to him because they were so enthralled with the one prior that you said, I got it. They're still into that. That one. So it's a whole.

[Tom Segura]

Well, that one is kind of the hit of the. The whole thing so far.

[Christina P]

Yeah, it's going to be its own.

[Tom Segura]

People are very. Yeah, I know. People are into it. Yeah. Other than that, I can't tell you much. I mean, I'm going to a rehearsal right after this.

[Christina P]

Oh my God. I've got. There's a lot going on in this. In your home. You want to hear about it or you want to do the intro?

[Tom Segura]

Sure, please.

[Christina P]

Which one?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, tell me. Oh yeah, let's do, let's do the. Tell me this.

[Christina P]

Yeah, so.

[Guest or Producer]

So just.

[Tom Segura]

You should tell me.

[Christina P]

We. We had a hamster. Are you done?

[Tom Segura]

This house.

[Christina P]

Are you done? Anyway, we had a hamster death finally in the house. I mean, everybody was like, hamsters don't live that long. I'm like, ours do forever.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, what the fuck?

[Christina P]

I know. So sweetie, sweetie, here's the truth of it. If you want to know what a horrible human being I am and one day our kids are gonna watch this, it'll be Fine. So Sweetie just woke up kind of sickly, you know?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And then, you know, and then. And of course, I was like, should I take this thing to the vet? I was like, no. They're just gonna be like, yeah, it's dying, and then spend 502 hours of my life to find out that this thing is dying.

[Tom Segura]

How does it. How does it wake up sickly? I don't understand.

[Christina P]

Hamster just doesn't move. It's still not eating, not doing its stupid hamster life. So you know what I did? I. I hid the hamster in the basement, and then I faked Sweetie's death.

[Tom Segura]

Wait a minute.

No.

[Christina P]

We have a whole funeral. The hamster's not even dead yet. It's dying, but it's not dead yet. But I didn't want it to be actively dying. And the kids being like, take it to the vet. Take it to the. Put it in the hospital. You know? You know, that's how they do it. So I fake her death.

[Tom Segura]

I'm sorry. I'm learning about this in real time. So right now, the hamster that the children believe is dead is alive.

[Christina P]

It's actively dying in our basement, hidden away from them.

[Tom Segura]

What do you mean? Hidden where?

[Christina P]

In the basement drawer. It's in a closet that they're. They don't go into. Yes. And it's dying.

[Tom Segura]

Is somebody checking on it?

[Christina P]

Yeah, but I can't kill it. And you're not here, so you can't kill it. I can't give it a shot.

[Tom Segura]

I don't want to kill it.

[Christina P]

Well, it's gonna die. It's on its last leg. What am I supposed to do?

[Tom Segura]

Can't you give it to. Can't you give it to somebody that comes to the house and be like, hey, can you take this out of here?

[Christina P]

See, that's why I need you at home, because I did not think that thought. The Hungarian in me is like, just put it in a closet, let it die. Like, remember that time the record died in my attic? What?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah. Why don't you text somebody that's at the house or coming to the house?

[Christina P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Hey, can you do me a favor and take this out of the house?

[Christina P]

The dying hamster? Yeah, you know, like hamster hospice. I wanted to give Sweetie a nice death in her own cage is the thing. I wanted to just.

[Tom Segura]

Well, they can take the cage. I'm saying, take everything out of the house.

[Christina P]

All right. Okay, but listen.

[Tom Segura]

And then they can.

[Christina P]

They can kill it. Yeah. And flush.

[Tom Segura]

No, they can either no, no, no, no. They can adopt and, or take care of the hamster moving forward. There are people that come to the house that would be willing to do that.

[Christina P]

I. I honestly just wanted to bang its head against the sidewalk. Okay, but isn't that what you're supposed to do when they're dying? You just hammer it and then you throw it in the fucking trash? That's what we do. I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs. I'll race ya.

[Tom Segura]

I'm Ian Finance.

[Christina P]

Hey, how are ya? And each week I'm in different towns across the country doing stand up comedy. And to keep me from rotting in my bed or putting a gun to my head, I get you to teach me how to do your job.

[Tom Segura]

Ian.

[Christina P]

Do an odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com ianfinancecomedy produced by ymh I gotta rip a fart too, bro.

[Larry (Firearm Safety Instructor)]

Let it loose.

[Tom Segura]

Toot, toot.

[Christina P]

I'll see you out there.

[Tom Segura]

How long you been working here?

[Christina P]

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[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christina P]

Because I was like, let's bury it. I mean, I was gonna kill it. Like, snap its neck and then just put it in the ground. But then. But then someone said they're like, yeah, but then animals are gonna dig it up, and then you're gonna re. Traumatize your kids.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, Hit up Claude.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She'll take it. And I know. So. So in the meantime, I had a tombstone, like, made for the hamster. It's in the heart and flowers. So because the boys came home from school, and I was like, sweetie is no longer with us. And the weeping and the wailing, I mean, it was, like, really emotional for. For one of our boys. And then we're gonna have a funeral on Saturday. Your mom and your sister are coming over, and we're gonna give Jesus Sweetie a proper send off. Yeah. Oh. So in the meantime. So. So Ellis has been nagging for a chameleon. And I go, well, when one of the hammies die, you can get a chameleon. So guess what? We got a chameleon. It's so rad. Great. It's a panther chameleon. It's so. It changes colors. Dude, it's so chill. It's got creepy little. We're obsessed with this thing, and we don't neglect it nearly as much as we neglect the hamsters. So now we have one hamster, two cats, a chameleon. I think that's it for now.

[Tom Segura]

You should try to do a. Maybe like a private Gig for PETA next year. I think that would be a cool move. I think they would love to have you. God. Let's open the show.

[Christina P]

You know, my dad. I just want to tell this story real quick. My dad, when we had a possum die in our attic, it just died. And he. He glued the door shut to the attic and then let the animal rot in the middle of summer.

[Tom Segura]

Decompose in there.

[Christina P]

It smells so bad. And we didn't even have an AC unit. We just had a swamp cooler.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God. Didn't the smell bother him?

[Christina P]

The whole house reeked for the whole.

[Tom Segura]

Of course it did.

[Christina P]

It's disgusting. Flies, you could hear.

[Tom Segura]

He was like, I don't want to do that.

[Christina P]

Yeah, that's how I feel about the hamster, though. Now I get it now. I should. That's what I should have done to Sweetie. If I can throw her.

[Tom Segura]

Ready?

[Christina P]

Basement and seal it up.

[Tom Segura]

Let's. Okay, let's change. Here we go. And here you go.

[Christina P]

Here you go. I need. Pay attention.

[Tom Segura]

Why?

[Christina P]

It's my last one. Oh, fart.

[Tom Segura]

Nick.

[Christina P]

What the fuck is that? That I just said? Nick, you gotta. You gotta. Can you kill that? No. Oh, my life.

[Tom Segura]

This is big time. Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone loving for this.

Well, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Welcome to your mom's house.

Do you get it now? Any.

[Guest or Producer]

Oh, yeah, I get it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Guest or Producer]

You guys were calling each other fart n words. And I was just like, hey, what's that? Why are we. Why are we saying that?

[Tom Segura]

Why are we saying that?

[Guest or Producer]

Oh, happy to be caught up.

[Tom Segura]

Happy to be back.

[Christina P]

I can't take.

[Tom Segura]

But do you get. Do you get why that's somebody's. No, no. Why that's somebody's go to expression when they're, like, frustrated? No, no, no. See, see, that's. That's. That's your black side. Because most white people are like, I get it.

[Guest or Producer]

Not cool, man. Not cool, man. The clowns.

[Tom Segura]

White people. Enough go to. No, they have a go to expression when they're frustrated.

[Guest or Producer]

Yeah, Tom, I hear what you're saying. I understand.

[Tom Segura]

It's a series of words sometimes that you go, like, you. You hear someone say it and you're like, I get it. You just stubbed your toe. You know?

[Christina P]

Right. Like, don't you feel like Annie and I. You know, the N word is unacceptable most of the time. However, when you put fart in front of it, it's.

[Tom Segura]

It kind of. It takes a lot of the Sting out of it. Yeah.

[Guest or Producer]

You're saying that you have said fart N word.

[Christina P]

No, I. I'm not that creative, unfortunately.

[Guest or Producer]

I feel like just N word. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

It makes a lot of sense, but,

[Christina P]

like, she had it right on deck.

[Tom Segura]

But that's the cool thing about this clip being out there, is that it is a peek into, like, that is her go to. Yes, it is thing. You know, she's like, oh, my gosh,

[Christina P]

can you get rid of that? Yes.

[Tom Segura]

But that's what she does instead of like, Jesus Christ. You know, that's what she goes to. And it's so funny. I. What's her name? That is Nicole Curtis. She was filming a show where she helps families who are overwhelmed with home renovations. She'd be crane. She became frustrated with the task once the video became public, she was immediately pulled off the air, and the show was canceled.

[Christina P]

Wrong move, y'. All. You know, I think I like Nicole now. I didn't like her. I didn't know who she was. And now I'm like, all right, Nicole, I'm listening. I want to hear more.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Christina P]

I mean, if the whole show is her coming up with these creative racial slurs, I feel like it could quadruple the ratings.

[Tom Segura]

I will say, I personally, I mean, I spent a lot of time growing up in Florida. I went to college in North Carolina. I heard a lot of variations. I have never heard fart. N word.

[Christina P]

Neither have I.

[Tom Segura]

Not once.

[Christina P]

Me neither. Yeah.

[Guest or Producer]

That is.

[Tom Segura]

I'm talking. I was around rednecks, and I've never heard that set any.

[Christina P]

Does she get.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, really cool button. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Eddie, does she get.

[Guest or Producer]

That's really cool.

[Christina P]

Does she get any sort of pass because of its creativity or. Are we straight?

[Guest or Producer]

I mean, look, she could say it.

[Tom Segura]

She.

[Guest or Producer]

You could say it if she wants. I. I think that she didn't want

[Tom Segura]

to say it, so that's.

[Guest or Producer]

You know, it's unfortunate for her.

She.

[Tom Segura]

Well, to be. To be fair, she can say it. And then her show was canceled, so, yeah, like, yeah, anyone can say you

[Guest or Producer]

just have to deal with the consequences.

[Tom Segura]

And she. She goes, you know, I mean, we

[Guest or Producer]

could put her on our network, right?

[Christina P]

Yeah, we could, but it's. It's not the same as it being like an hg.

[Tom Segura]

Would that be the name of her podcast?

[Guest or Producer]

Fart Nicole?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Fart Nicole is a great podcast name. I hope. At least. At the very least, I hope a rapper uses that.

[Christina P]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

In a song.

[Christina P]

That would be the best part of all of this.

[Guest or Producer]

That would be a really cool producer tag. Like, at the opening of every song, it's like.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, that'd be pretty sick.

[Christina P]

Also, how much does a staff or whoever hate her that they leaked that? Oh, yeah, somebody hates Nicole. Nicole's a.

[Tom Segura]

That's a really good point.

[Guest or Producer]

But it seemed like.

[Tom Segura]

That's a good point.

[Guest or Producer]

But it seemed like she. She asked if they could kill. Like, you know, cut that. And they said no. So was that live or something?

[Tom Segura]

No, no, that's. That's from the raw. Oh, camera footage.

[Guest or Producer]

But I thought it got canceled after this, so it got leaked immediately after that.

[Tom Segura]

No, I'm just saying whenever this was recorded, you know, this was in the raw footage. Somebody dug this up and leaked this footage. An editor or a producer?

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah. They just. Someone doesn't like Nicole.

[Tom Segura]

Someone.

[Christina P]

Nicole pissed someone off.

[Guest or Producer]

She must have said it a couple more times.

[Tom Segura]

Like, there's. There's been. There's accounts. Stories from people from the Apprentice days that said that Trump said it many times while filming the Apprentice.

[Guest or Producer]

No way.

[Tom Segura]

But yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina P]

I wish somebody would leak those.

[Tom Segura]

Well, that was. That was the whole thing. But apparently those are super locked down because that got the. The show creator. He's a really famous guy, created. He created that show and a bunch of others. I think he's an Australian guy. He's a huge, huge fan of his and has, I think, shut that possibility down. But that was. There was a lot of reports of that. It was really. That was talked about more in the 2016 campaign.

[Christina P]

Dang.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

I wish we could get that.

[Tom Segura]

Well, yeah, well, it's just how it goes. Sometimes you just go, oops, you know, dag nab it. Sometimes you just use an expression.

[Christina P]

Play it again, Tom. All right, Just a drop.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, cool. She. She did start with. She didn't know where she was gonna go. I thought she was gonna say, oh, that's what happened.

[Christina P]

Fart.

[Guest or Producer]

That's what happened. Yeah, she was gonna say. And then she changed the word, but not the second word.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, her next. Her next expression was. Also showed tremendous self awareness because it was my life. She knows, you know, she knows my life.

[Christina P]

Oh, Nicole, you know, let's see the other guy. But I want to see the other guy's expression when he. When she says it. Can we play the clip?

[Tom Segura]

I don't think he does much.

[Christina P]

He doesn't care. I think he's like. Yeah, well, he's not.

[Tom Segura]

He's actually not.

[Christina P]

Maybe Nicole really drops it a lot, you know, and they're so used to

[Tom Segura]

her saying it because she says it Right there. See? He's not even on camera.

[Christina P]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

And then. What the is that that I just said? You know, like she knows that her life is.

[Christina P]

What the is that that I just said? Nick, you gotta, you gotta. Can you kill that?

[Tom Segura]

What does he say?

[Christina P]

What did he say? No. 35 minutes. What the is that that I just said? Nick, you gotta, you gotta. Can you kill that? We've only got five minutes. I'm not doing it. Oh, something like, we've only got five minutes. I'm not doing it. Wow. So Nick doesn't like her. Nick is like you.

[Tom Segura]

Well, he's like, we're rolling. We got, we got a. We're making a show here. Wow. Fart on whatever you want. We got to keep doing this, you

[Christina P]

know, part N word. Wow, that's a good one to come

[Tom Segura]

out of you like that that just happened.

[Christina P]

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[Tom Segura]

Oh, my period.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Are you having your period right now?

[Christina P]

Yeah. How about you?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. But it's, you know, it's not heavy.

[Christina P]

No. Tell me about your flow.

[Tom Segura]

No, it's just pretty light. I don't know. I guess I'm hormonally going through something.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Are you using pads or tampons today?

[Tom Segura]

Tampon.

[Christina P]

Which size?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Medium.

[Christina P]

Which what kind of applicator?

[Tom Segura]

It's called extreme.

[Christina P]

How did you put it in?

[Tom Segura]

I just spread it. I spread them and I just shove it in there.

[Christina P]

Do you put one leg up on the toilet or.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, no, I put the tampon on the ground and I squat down on it and then I, I, I do a lot of Kegel stuff, so I'm able to just, it just feels like, you know.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Did you grab that sweater from a shelter?

[Christina P]

I knew you're gonna hate it. I, I, every time I wear this, you hate it. It's my favorite homeless shelter sweater. I love it. And the strings are everywhere and it gets caught on stuff. I love it. Yeah. Feeling kind of, you know.

[Tom Segura]

You want to know something? There's a, I don't know if you saw that. Will Arnett, you know, he's on, he's the, the actor.

[Christina P]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

He's also one of the hosts of the Smartless podcast.

[Christina P]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

But it's a wildly popular podcast. And he will told two things. He said they had a female guest on who asked after they recorded to not release the episode. And they, they said, okay. And I don't know who that is. But then he said there was a huge asshole comedian who came on and after 10 minutes they were like, thanks a lot. And they just ended it because the guy was such an asshole.

[Christina P]

Is it Bert?

[Tom Segura]

It's Bert.

[Christina P]

I knew it.

[Tom Segura]

No. God, that would be so great if it was him.

[Christina P]

So the person the male was such.

[Tom Segura]

He's in the Epstein files. Did you know that?

[Christina P]

Bert Kreischer. Yeah, I did know that. Yeah, I did.

[Tom Segura]

No, I'm being for real. Yeah, no, I'm for real.

[Christina P]

I. I know you.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. Any or Niana. Yo, pull up the search. You know how you can search the files? Yep. Pull up the search and type in his name. Look, I told you. I told you he's in the files. All right, hold on now. See, I told you.

[Christina P]

I knew it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. All right, audience, big comedy fan. You guys know what to do.

[Christina P]

It's been confirmed.

[Tom Segura]

Bert is in the Epstein files. Take it upon yourself to run with that.

[Christina P]

Yeah,

[Tom Segura]

yeah, I thought it was really cool. It's really fun. It's. It's my screensaver on my phone.

[Christina P]

Tim, can I do one thing with you? I've been saving these for you. All the guests that we've had since you've not been here. I haven't touched any safety videos on purpose.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you want to see some?

[Christina P]

Because I enjoy them with you pacifically so much more.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, let's get into it. Great idea. You ready? Here we go. What's up, Larry? Prepared, not paranoid. Let's get into it.

[Christina P]

Let's get into it.

[Larry (Firearm Safety Instructor)]

Made the decision to get a firearm for self defense.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Larry (Firearm Safety Instructor)]

And you want to start getting some training. The first place to start would be at a flat range. Learn how the firearm operates first. Learn the safeties. Get your grip, get your stance, your sights, the universal four safety rules and review them. Once you feel comfortable on the flat range, you should go to the next level. And that would be going to an outdoor range where there's a lot less around you, where you have about 180 degrees. And for that you're going to need a little more equipment. You need a battle belt where you'll have your holster and your magazine pouches. There you can start working on malfunctions and reloads. Once you become proficient with the battle belt, then I would recommend training with how you plan on carrying the gun. So if you plan on carrying an appendix, start working from there. Then start looking for specialty training, things like moving in and around the structure, low light training, and in and around the vehicle. In and around the vehicle is also challenging because to access your firearm, you are going to be flagging yourself, as you can see from this video, this was a class I had done last year of shooting in and around the vehicle. Take a look at that video.

[Christina P]

What's flagging yourself?

[Tom Segura]

Great.

[Christina P]

Yeah, you gotta learn around your car.

[Tom Segura]

I Believe he's talking about the, the. The barrel is gonna be pointed at yourself as, as you. If you draw from the. I call it the, call it the appendix position here. So if it's basically in your front waistline, when you draw the weapon, you're crossing over your body.

[Christina P]

Got it.

[Tom Segura]

So you have to be aware of that. He is talking about a pretty advanced level of gun. Like most people are like, oh, you're interested in having a weapon. Getting a weapon, like, yeah, get some firearm safety training and go to a range. He took it from flat range to outdoor range to where you'll carry it and then getting in a vehicle and basically, basically preparing for war. So, yeah, I mean, Larry always thinks 12 steps ahead, which is great.

[Christina P]

I mean, as a civilian, how can I find a program that will teach me car guns? Car gun work too. You know, it's.

[Tom Segura]

I think living in Texas, it's pretty accessible. I think you're going to have a

[Christina P]

really, for sure,

[Tom Segura]

real easy time.

[Christina P]

This. You know what, the boys will have so much fun doing this. You got to get our kids in a car. Gun safety.

[Tom Segura]

You guys ready to go to a range where you get out of a car and shoot through the window? They'll be like, fuck yeah.

[Christina P]

How many people do you think actually go through this level of training? It's pretty.

[Tom Segura]

I don't think it's much. Yeah, it's not severe.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we never went.

[Tom Segura]

I know some, I know some real gun nuts and I don't think they've done the car facing the targets thing. I don't think that's happened to them. Jesus Christ. Larry is ready for anything.

[Christina P]

Well, listen, I'm going to point out a flaw here in Larry's scenario. I mean this is all good and well, if you're in Afghanistan shooting car work things. But I need like the city. What about rolling up to a gas station, Clowns everywhere, that kind of scenario. This is like a rural scenario.

[Tom Segura]

That is true. I think for your training though, you want to start rural before you get into city training. Yeah, you want to start with less. So it's a good step one. But it's a really great point that you made.

[Larry (Firearm Safety Instructor)]

So one of the reasons in self defense we like to talk about distancing and situational awareness is if you allow somebody to get really, really close to

[Tom Segura]

you like this, you never know what

[Larry (Firearm Safety Instructor)]

that person has on them and what they're capable of doing. So something like this,

[Christina P]

oh wow.

[Larry (Firearm Safety Instructor)]

Happened really fast. So always be aware of your distancing and what that person's body language is showing. Be well, be safe. Be aware.

[Tom Segura]

That's an insane video to put out. That is a crazy video. He was just like, you never know what could happen. And then he just stabs a fucking piece of wood where a person's eye would be. And he goes, just be aware what could happen.

[Christina P]

And, like, also, I'm gonna venture to guess that some fool stabs you. You guys are drunk. You know what I'm saying? Like, you're drunk. You're out. It's late Friday night, and some fool's got, like, a knife in his pocket, and he. And then he. That drunk. People do that stuff. Like, come on, bro.

[Tom Segura]

Well, most of these videos, yeah. Could just be like, hey, don't stay out too late. Don't go to bad neighborhoods. Take care. That could be 95 of his videos. Yeah, yeah.

[Christina P]

You're not gonna get.

[Tom Segura]

I would love a camera, a video. I would love a video of that just follows Larry and just shows him how he operates in the world.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Because I bet it. His head is on a swivel just 24. 7. I bet he is just so ready. And I wonder how many weapons are on him at most times.

[Christina P]

His adrenal glands are shot. The guy is one live wire of a nervous system.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, he pulled that thing out and was ready to go.

[Larry (Firearm Safety Instructor)]

Look at this and what they're capable of doing. So something like this.

[Tom Segura]

Something like that could easily happen.

[Christina P]

Yeah, well, he just stabbed a guy in the eye.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he sure did.

[Christina P]

Pretty high stabbing, too. Because I would do an underhand shiv, wouldn't you? As a. Like that.

[Tom Segura]

It's really tough to hit the eyeball.

[Christina P]

Yeah, that's.

[Tom Segura]

You're probably. Most people are going to miss.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah. Like, if you've. You've stabbed people, do you go overhand or do you go under quick? Just a quick shiv and then out?

[Tom Segura]

I mean. Yeah, yeah, for the. For the gut, it's good to go under. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Quick. Yeah, you don't want to get caught. You don't have time.

[Tom Segura]

But they say that if you can hold the knife like this, with the blade facing outward here, you know, you can. You can do one of these motions. This is a really good motion because you can cut somebody this way and come back and stab them. You know what I mean?

[Christina P]

Yeah, I know what you mean.

[Tom Segura]

Slice them and then stab.

[Christina P]

Slice them and dice them. Yeah, I got you.

[Tom Segura]

Maybe because as a woman, practice, slice, stab, see?

[Christina P]

Step, slice. But. But that. That I agree with you. Yes. As a man. But As a woman, I have to be sneaky. I have to imply I have to apply stealth. You understand that, that. But you could grab my arm, bro. And now you're stopping the stabbing. I gotta go just quick like that. And then I'm gone, dude. I'm gone like a hamster in the night, bro. You didn't even see my like a dead hamster in the yard.

[Tom Segura]

That's still one of the most I

[Christina P]

want to put it in a bag and just beat it against the sidewalk until it's dead. I hate these hamsters. Is the biggest regret is that I bought.

[Tom Segura]

Can you send that text please to have somebody remove.

[Christina P]

Yeah, but don't get a hamster.

[Larry (Firearm Safety Instructor)]

I want you to think about your home security for a second. When we're looking at home security, I want you to think of it in layers. The first layer is going to be your primary outer ring which is going to be things like your neighborhood, what's going on on the streets and so forth. The secondary outer ring will be your perimeter. And those will be things like your fences, your property line, any type of tree or foliage that you might have foliage. The next, the middle ring will be your doors, windows, doors, garages. And then the final ring will be the interior ring and that's if somebody gets inside. Do you have a safe area, a safe room, a secure room, those type of things. First thing I want to discuss is going to be the outermost ring. And that's where you're going to use something called open source intelligence. Things like crime mapping. Oh, police blogs next door and any other app that could give you information on local crime.

[Tom Segura]

How exhausting would it be to have Larry as a neighbor, like just as a neighbor. You imagine the amount of posts.

[Christina P]

Hey Tom.

[Tom Segura]

He would send to the group, like to the neighborhood.

[Christina P]

Oh, the next door app guy. There's always one neighbor that is on next door all the time. It's Larry. It's Larry's posting non stop on there. I noticed the guy put his trash cans out 4am who's doing that? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He would be like, he would be so on top of like, you know, work supposed to start at 7am in the neighborhood. I noticed somebody pulled up at 6:58. I sent, yeah, I sent a, a message to the construction company. Yeah, one more time and you know we're gonna sue them and. Is that your kid by the way? I saw a kid going for a walk. I've never seen this kid before. Yeah, I, I interrogated him. He's in my garage right Now, But I'll let him go if you can confirm that's your kid also, too.

[Christina P]

A lot of Amazon packages that he'll put inside your property line for you. I noticed these were outside. I brought them in for you. You're like, you don't need to do that. Don't touch my stuff.

[Tom Segura]

And then probably. No offense, but probably some pretty thinly veiled racism, too, I'm guessing.

[Christina P]

You think so? Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I think so. He's like, just putting everybody on alert that I saw. Saw some clowns walking around yesterday.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Not sure who they were, why they're here. And everyone's like, oh, that's. That's my family, actually. He's like, oh, okay. Just making sure. Can you confirm their IDs for me? Yeah, I'm sure there's a lot of that.

[Christina P]

A lot.

[Larry (Firearm Safety Instructor)]

I mean, your area. Now, the one that's really important to pay attention to is something called Watchdog. Watchdog lists old sexual predators.

[Christina P]

Oh.

[Larry (Firearm Safety Instructor)]

And where they live.

[Christina P]

Great.

[Larry (Firearm Safety Instructor)]

And that's a map that, if you open up, might be very, very shocking. Who lives very close to you. You have children, you're going to really want to pay attention to who's in your neighborhood. Make sure what these people look like and where they are. Be safe, and be aware of what's going on in your neighborhood to keep you and your family safer.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Well, that's a good one.

[Christina P]

That's a good one. Well, I tell you, I like to look on the Megan's Law website. Put your address in there, make sure no creepers are living near where you live.

[Tom Segura]

Family Watch.

[Christina P]

Dog. Dog.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He really got excited by being able to have graphics and sounds. You could tell he was like, you know what? Go ahead and add six of those. We're stepping up production over here.

[Christina P]

The chime was too much. It was too loud.

[Tom Segura]

But I think a lot of people should check out Family Watchdog. That could be a fun thing. If you're winding down from the week and you want to just have a real cool learning experience to where what your neighborhood's like is. Go to Family Watchdog and see. See who your neighbors are.

[Christina P]

I love.

[Tom Segura]

It will be kind of alarming. You know what I remember?

[Christina P]

I love it.

[Guest or Producer]

1.

[Tom Segura]

We lived in the Rampart. Rampart division.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

There was that website then, and it was like Christmas tree. It was like. And it was all the predators in here. So many.

[Christina P]

Oh, yeah. You put in your address. When you live in a shady neighborhood and it's all lit up, you'll just see like these little squares. Yeah, like that. And Tom and I would play this fun game where we'd guess the person's offenses based on.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Their mug shot. Most of the time it was lewd and lascivious acts with a minor. I tell you a lot of these because I do love these crime maps. A lot of it is aggravated assault, which happens on, like, late Friday night. Like I said, like, drunk people, robberies from cars in Austin. A lot of that. Okay, click on one. Let's.

[Tom Segura]

There's some domestics, too. Hold on, hold on.

[Christina P]

Look at him. I think this guy. I think burglary. What do you think?

[Tom Segura]

That's not burglary face. No.

[Christina P]

He's 47, babe. That's your age.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That's indecency with a child. Decent exposure. Yeah. Yep. Damn.

[Christina P]

Is this near us? Is this our very.

[Tom Segura]

It's.

[Christina P]

Oh, great.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Oh, no. Oh, Austin. All right, click on a different.

[Tom Segura]

There's gonna be people. There's gonna be people. By the way. Oof. Yeah, There are going to be people that use this site that are gonna find next door neighbors.

[Christina P]

Oh, for sure.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, computer.

[Christina P]

And he's smiling in his mug shot, which is kind of rare. Don't really see that on the show a lot.

[Tom Segura]

That's like, you know how it goes.

[Christina P]

She said she was 18.

[Tom Segura]

Sometimes it just happens.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Good night, Irene.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, Chuck. Yep. All right, well, you guys can have fun with your own neighborhood search. And thank you, Larry, for that great pointer.

[Christina P]

Family watchdog.

[Tom Segura]

Family watchdog. Man, here. Let's have a giggle. That was so depressing.

[Christina P]

God damn. Yeah. Oh, I know where this is going. Little Margo Tenenbaum,

[Tom Segura]

His friend. Laughing is great.

[Christina P]

That was great.

[Tom Segura]

That was. Yeah, that was rough, man.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

This sound bite says foreign pain.

[Christina P]

Yeah, those are some foreign sandals.

[Guest or Producer]

For sure.

[Tom Segura]

Those were. Yeah, those are definitely foreign sandals. And those were foreign screams. Those appropriately labeled.

[Christina P]

Yeah, right there.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. Little.

[Christina P]

Holy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Fart N word. That was.

[Christina P]

Yeah, she didn't say fart n word. And she fell through the floor.

[Tom Segura]

I know. That's crazy. Well, she wasn't as frustrated. She was just, you know, hurt.

[Christina P]

Dude, she fell through the floor, bro.

[Tom Segura]

That was crazy.

[Christina P]

That's like my worst fear. I'm always afraid of that. I'm always.

[Tom Segura]

She was kind of. She knows her way around, you know, like an addict. You can tell the way she knew. And for her to not even consider that her big ass might go through that series kind of crazy.

[Christina P]

I know. And, like, she was not.

[Tom Segura]

She wasn't, like, daintily kind of Like, I don't know. She was like, yeah, I'm just working. Like, that's crazy.

[Christina P]

Let's see again, because they did highlight how fatter ass was before she got in there.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. Hold it right there. See? She knows what she's like. Yeah, she knows what she's doing.

[Christina P]

She knows she's heavy. She's wearing, like. Yeah, she's wearing house slippers too. Like, not even proper footwear. Damn, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's. That sucked.

[Christina P]

She messed up, dude.

[Tom Segura]

You ready for this one, stupid? Yeah. On this wall, how one of your studs are not flush.

[Christina P]

What I like to do is take

[Tom Segura]

my hammer and then scope it down

till it's perfect and grab your nail gun.

[Christina P]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Saw that one coming.

[Tom Segura]

He's in pain. That was real panic.

[Christina P]

But you think that the cowboy boot would stop the nail? Like, that's why you wear them. But.

[Tom Segura]

Well, it did sort of stop the nail. Yeah, a little bit.

[Christina P]

Damn, dude.

[Tom Segura]

It stopped it from going all the way through. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah. That kind of sucked, bro.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He is out. He landed on his face and head. He fractured his skull and fractured his eye socket. Holy. Oh, this dude is one of the best street skaters of all time.

[Christina P]

No. Who is it?

[Tom Segura]

Holy. Nyan. Nyan Huston, I think is his name.

[Christina P]

Please, Google, make sure he's still okay. He's alive.

[Tom Segura]

It says he's making a recovery.

[Christina P]

He landed on his face.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you could hear it. You could hear. It was like. Like on his head. Holy. Man, this show just finds the best stuff. God damn. Yeah. What you're going through right now is what a lot of viewers are experiencing.

[Christina P]

Well, I have such a love in my heart for skateboarders. I. You know, it's for the love of the. The game. These folks. Please tell me he's got money.

[Tom Segura]

There he is.

[Christina P]

Can pay his bills.

[Tom Segura]

A harsh reminder how death defying skating, massive rails can be. Fractured skull, fractured eye. Socke. What else does it say? Just went.

[Christina P]

Taking it one day at a time. God damn. Dude.

[Tom Segura]

Kid.

[Christina P]

Kid. Well, he's holding.

[Tom Segura]

I'm glad he's getting better stuff.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P]

Bro, it's got to be hard to be having fun. Yeah. This kid's parent. Can you imagine? You see this video? It's your baby. I don't think I can do it. I got. I gotta pee. Babe, I gotta pee. I can't.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you know, it should be worth pointing out, you know, the. The. The fallowfill guy, the guy that came in with the dick injections. Of course there's a documentary coming out. It's going to be dropping at south by Southwest in Austin. So I know definitely a doc worth checking out. A doc and a dick. A doc about a dock dick that's going to be at south by. So.

[Christina P]

And he credits, hopefully you guys. He credits us for getting the documentary. He's like, after I appeared on your mom's house, they approached me about doing this documentary.

[Tom Segura]

So. Yeah, well, I remember that after he came to do the podcast, it was mentioned so many times. That guy reached out and all these people hit me up. And then that guy and his team came to a show that I was on tour at that time, and they were like. They're like, our phones, you know, rang off the hook. It like, it really created a lot of business over there. So very exciting.

[Christina P]

That's awesome.

[Tom Segura]

The documentary is very informative and I hope you guys will check it out. It was a lot of fun having him on. I'm sure if you haven't seen that episode, it was really fun. Maybe they can put it in the. The show description so you guys can check it out. And maybe you can get a injection in your penis.

[Christina P]

Yep, it's a great idea. Why not?

[Tom Segura]

Thanks, bro.

[Christina P]

Yeah, why not?

[Tom Segura]

You mentioned that you're into gay stuff, male gay stuff. And a lot of people, I noticed after you said that, pointed out, have you seen heated rivalry, the gay hockey show that's out because everybody wants you to watch it now.

[Christina P]

I know, and I do, too. It's just that I haven't had a chance to be away from my children enough to give it a full viewing. Like, I can't even watch Bridgerton with my boys around because it's too horny. So, yeah, give me a minute on that, but I fully. I will, I will.

[Tom Segura]

I think the. The fans want you to watch this gay hockey show.

[Christina P]

All right, well, let me make a note of it. Maybe I can, you know, get away,

[Tom Segura]

wind down and watch it or something.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah, okay, I'm on it.

[Tom Segura]

So we haven't seen this in a while, but he has really taken off on a lot of social platforms, and the audience has expanded for Fancy Chef, and people have pointed out that he's doing. He's just expanding. He's not just cooking for millionaires and billionaires. He's doing restaurant reviews and food reviews and just getting himself involved in so many things. I have not seen this, but I've been told that it's an incredible review. And so I thought we could watch that for a moment. Okay. Looks like he's got. Looks like he's in a New York review for the pizza. I'm going to do a review for just telling him. Do a pizza review. I'm going to do a pizza review.

[Christina P]

Cool, man.

[Tom Segura]

That's cool. Let's see.

He recorded that.

Oh, he's sitting on the.

Yeah, right there. All right, let me see. I'mma let you know right now, though, I am going to tell the truth. I ain't going to lie. I'm going to tell the truth. If it's nasty. Where the garbage at?

Know what I thinking?

No, you ain't taking nothing. It's going in the garbage if it's nasty. This going straight in the garbage by suda. Let me see.

Hold on.

Okay, first of all, why is this going in half? Is it that good?

The bread is hero, bro. You're supposed to close.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, what am I thinking about?

Okay, so that's not pizza. Oh, good review. Fancy. That's a good fancy sound.

You passed.

Oh, he passed the review. And the guy still holds the tray

[Christina P]

for him like he's royalty or something.

[Tom Segura]

Trying to pay me to get that award. Yo, what is this? I ain't asked for the pop.

That is a massive.

[Christina P]

Oh,

[Tom Segura]

hey, guys. You want to eat my pizza?

[Christina P]

The paper off of it.

[Tom Segura]

All right, you ready?

You ready? One, two.

[Christina P]

He's like,

[Tom Segura]

Wow, another great review.

[Christina P]

The girl.

[Tom Segura]

I'll give it to him.

Do you think that guy, let me see. Holding the tray, believes that this is a. Like, a legit chef in front of him?

[Christina P]

The guy's sitting on the pony. No.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Do you think? Because he's kind of like, I guess I'm holding this for this guy.

[Christina P]

It's real.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's real. When you do that. When it do that, she's ain't coming off.

Good. You're good. Yeah.

Wrap it up, Wrap it up.

[Christina P]

Wrap it up.

[Tom Segura]

I got to go to this coffin.

[Christina P]

I don't like when he goes. I don't like that.

[Tom Segura]

Here he is. He's still cooking, too, by the way. He's still preparing food for people.

Not too much arugula, just a little bit.

Do it again. Do it again.

[Larry (Firearm Safety Instructor)]

You're missing the whole thing.

[Tom Segura]

Just a little Ruger.

Stop. You're missing.

Missing the whole bread.

No, no, no. You're missing it.

You're missing the whole bread. The bread over here, over here.

Okay. Up there.

[Larry (Firearm Safety Instructor)]

Okay.

[Christina P]

Sometimes.

[Tom Segura]

All right, Good. Lovely and beautiful.

Holy. Just a little bit blind as. Yeah, he's so blind.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Put over here. It's on the Bread.

[Tom Segura]

He can't see. That guy's like the. Are you doing. You're not even putting it on the bread? Holy. Oh, I pulled this for you because I knew you'd like this.

[Christina P]

I hate when a female try to

[Larry (Firearm Safety Instructor)]

suck all that white stuff out of my wiener. Like, that's my white stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Give it back.

[Christina P]

Greedy. You know, it's really miss you here, Tom. It's been really rough not having you co host with me. So glad you're back.

[Tom Segura]

I thought you'd like that. You don't like that?

[Christina P]

No,

[Tom Segura]

Because he. He hates when I got it.

[Christina P]

I got it. And then the punchline is that he drank Just fake come. Yeah, I got it.

[Tom Segura]

It's his stuff. All right. I thought you'd like.

[Christina P]

Can we do some tik toks? I mean, it's a. Do you have any talks?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you got some talks.

[Christina P]

Asm beaver has some asmr food. I found a beautiful beaver. Beaver. Oh, this one's for you. I got this for you.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. All right.

[Christina P]

So 10. I'm in the room here. I was trying to explain to you that was a spiritual cleansing. He wasn't even pushing that hard on her. He was exercising her emotional demons. You understand?

[Tom Segura]

Great. Yeah, I got it. Jesus.

[Christina P]

Me on an adults only cruise. What are your questions? Don't you hate it when they call it play? We're gonna. Yeah, like, playroom. This is when we do our.

[Tom Segura]

By the way, like, she is strikingly attractive for the people you usually see in this realm because they're usually a bunch of dogs. Yeah, like some real bottom feeders are in the play world.

[Christina P]

Yeah, she's. She is what they call a honey pot when they attract you in. Like, she's the. Maybe she's the bait.

[Tom Segura]

And then maybe she works for, like, the company that puts on the thing. She's like, hey. Everyone's like, all right, we'll go to this. And then she's like, good to see you, and just dips out the back door.

[Christina P]

Fun pigs.

[Tom Segura]

Bye.

[Christina P]

And it's not a playroom. We play. It's like when you have children and you use that word for what they do. It's like, what a play? Adult play. Like, ugh.

[Tom Segura]

This is the adult play cruise.

So gross.

It's gross.

[Christina P]

Here's some more stuff for you to get into. Cupping, stretching.

[Tom Segura]

I've never seen this level of cupping.

[Larry (Firearm Safety Instructor)]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And stretching. It's so intense. I'd be so intense. Annoyed.

[Tom Segura]

I've had like maybe six or eight of these on me before. Never like this.

[Christina P]

That's Too many cups.

[Tom Segura]

Jesus Christ.

[Christina P]

Cuz the cups are popping off when you stretch the body that much, dummy.

[Tom Segura]

Horrifying.

[Christina P]

Do one or the other.

[Guest or Producer]

I wish aftercare was spoken into more, both for tops and bottoms. After something as intense as rope, it's always encouraged to look after and check in with those you tie with. For me, my RO partners are given water, snacks, cuddles, lots of affirmation, and a simple massage and stretching to help them realign their bodies after a sequence. Aftercare depends on each individual, but it shouldn't be taken lightly or brushed aside. After all, you2 are two individuals who chose to have a vulnerable moment with each other and deserve to ground yourselves after something so heightened.

[Christina P]

Yeah, give me water bottle.

[Tom Segura]

It's really good. I finished all my water.

[Christina P]

This one's for you. This is the cool video I found for you. You found something cool for me? I found something cool for you. Well, there's a whole lane of hot granny talk now. They're just out. And it's about time, you know.

[Tom Segura]

How do you guys in the booth feel about that? Are you guys into that?

[Guest or Producer]

That's hot.

[Tom Segura]

You like that? Yeah. Cougar too. Oh yeah, I with that.

[Christina P]

See?

[Larry (Firearm Safety Instructor)]

No, I'm good.

[Christina P]

Would you open?

[Tom Segura]

I have a friend. I have a friend who's like into older women like that.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you do.

[Christina P]

Wow. You gotta tell me these. I got two names I need to get from you now at the end of this pod.

[Tom Segura]

He's like, oh, yeah. He's like, yeah, you know, I find them attractive. And I'm like, yeah, you're talking about like, you know, someone older than you. He's like, yeah, I'm 70. So I'm like, wait, what?

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Find a 70 year old Louis J.

[Christina P]

Gomez on this show. Was like, he's had sex with 70. 80, wasn't it him, right? 70, huh? He's like, I like to make them feel good. You know, he's all Puerto Rican about it.

[Tom Segura]

He's like, jesus Christ.

[Christina P]

I know. And hey, I'm doing shocking. Hey, I'm doing Skankfest. What?

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Christina P]

You did your gay porno thing?

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Christina P]

Yeah, he convinced me. Well, he, he described it. It sounds like so much fun. And I honestly, I had such a good time with Lewis. I was like, you know what? If it's, if this, if it's as fun as he is and his whole vibe, I'm down. So I, I booked some couple nights at Skank Fest. I'll see you there. You guys.

[Tom Segura]

That's great. Where is it this year Is it Vegas?

[Christina P]

Vegas, babe. No, it's not. It's. Where did he say he. Oh, New Orleans. Which I've never been to, so I'm excited to.

[Tom Segura]

You've never been in New Orleans?

[Christina P]

Isn't that crazy? You know me, though. I love my drinks. That I. The silly long drinks and the plastic

[Tom Segura]

tubes and you can wear the thing around your neck so that you don't have to carry it. And your hands are free and you just go like this and you can just keep talking. It's great.

[Christina P]

And I can show people my. My new tits and get beads and stuff. That's why I'm going show off.

[Tom Segura]

Open Container City, too. You can drink anywhere.

[Christina P]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

There you go.

[Tom Segura]

Jazz, beignets, booze.

[Christina P]

Doesn't love it.

[Tom Segura]

It's awesome.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Good for you.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

When is it? When is it? When is the fest?

[Christina P]

November. November. November sounds great. Yeah, I'm doing.

[Tom Segura]

Here we go.

[Christina P]

November 13 through 15.

[Tom Segura]

Perfect. All right, here we go.

[Christina P]

Oh, this is what I was going to show you. So see that star that's on her upper lip?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Those are for your cold sores. You can cover your cold sore now with those stickers.

[Tom Segura]

Sounds like it looks like she wants another one because she's. It's not really slowing her down. Yeah, who would you first, her or the older lady?

[Christina P]

Oh, the older lady. I don't want more cold sores.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, but what if this cold sore went away?

[Christina P]

Oh, let me think. Wait, can I see the other lady real quick? Let me just get a visual.

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Christina P]

Here's the thing, though. I. I don't really like White lady flavor. No, I'm gonna go with the her I like. I need flavor. Yeah, like, white people kind of freak me out. Like white whites, you know? She's fun, dude. She's fun. She put tapatio on your. Yeah, dude, she's fine. It's a little cholula in your painter. I decided to put some tree SAP in my aria.

[Tom Segura]

I wanted to see if I built up a tolerance to it. I absolutely did not. This time it hurt worse than ever. That's a great video. That's a great video. That's a hell of a find. I don't know if you can get any better than that.

[Christina P]

Yeah, you're welcome. Look, I've been doing this vigilantly in my. My free time. That's why I don't have time to watch the gay hockey show. I'm curating TikToks all day.

[Tom Segura]

Actually, if something like this gets to us, I'd rather You be digging through your phone finding this than watching the gay hockey show. That was amazing.

[Christina P]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

I decided to put tree SAP in my urethra to see if I built up a tolerance to it. Turns out I did not. That's really great. That's great. All right, we gotta wrap it up. Gene. I gotta go. I can't. I gotta rehearsal.

[Christina P]

Okay, go rehearse. Dan. Go dance.

[Tom Segura]

Have fun. Jean, thanks for listening. Thanks for watching. Everybody, thank you to the booth for making this happen.

[Guest or Producer]

You got it, fart.

[Tom Segura]

Jean.

[Christina P]

All worth it just for that. Thank you so much for saying in any thank you.

[Tom Segura]

Please give me that drop as well and.

[Christina P]

All right. Bye, guys.

[Tom Segura]

All right, bye. Bye, guys. We love you.

Welcome to Maccabees medical Monday. Today it's all about this, the cucumber. Or as they call it in Jamaica, cucumber. Cucumber vitamins minerals very high number silica here and nail taste longer. Other vitamins make your o them stronger. Anti wrinkle make you look younger. 95% water. Kidney cleanse are great. Hydrator detox bodyback will radiator your body. Good things don't be a tree attack. Epic cucumber. Cut it in a slice, put it in a jug of water overnight. You know what you get for a fraction of the price. Energy drink full of electrolyte. Roaring salad is one of the user as a base for your vegetable juice. Another surprise for a slice of your eyes. Take away the dryness. Revitalize.

Oh, yes.

One thing I have left. Cucumber can also help with body ref.

[Christina P]

You're very handsome. You're my fresh Latin.

[Tom Segura]

Whoa. Thanks.

[Christina P]

What's going on?

[Tom Segura]

What's going on? I've been having a cucumber. Cucumber?

[Christina P]

Where Cucumbers.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I eat cucumbers and then it makes me look better.