Sex Crime Sandwich w/ Joe DeRosa | Your Mom's House Ep. 820

Summary

Podcast Summary: Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura Episode: Sex Crime Sandwich w/ Joe DeRosa | Your Mom's House Ep. 820
Release Date: July 23, 2025

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Introduction

In this lively episode of Your Mom's House, hosts Christina P. and Tom Segura delve into a wide array of topics ranging from personal anecdotes and psychological evaluations to controversial discussions on sex crimes, all punctuated with their signature comedic flair. Special guest Joe DeRosa joins the conversation, adding his unique perspective to the mix.

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Personal Updates and Fasting Journey (00:00 - 18:10)

Tom Segura opens the episode by promoting his "Come Together Tour" (00:00), followed by a brief sponsored segment by Progressive Insurance (00:21). Transitioning into the main content, Tom shares his recent experience with extended fasting:

"I was working towards 48 hours of fasting... I felt much more energized... I’m not doing anything crazy, but I just wanted to exercise and feel muscle contractions." (11:15)

Joe DeRosa expresses concern over Tom's fasting regimen but acknowledges the positive changes Tom is experiencing (13:15). The discussion highlights the balance between personal health experiments and mental well-being.

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Psychological Evaluations and Mental Health (04:31 - 20:00)

The hosts reflect on previous episodes where they conducted psychological evaluations on their staff, expressing surprise and pride in their child, Zolo's well-adjusted results (05:23). They discuss the stigma surrounding mental health and the importance of therapy:

"We need to just film something at your place and then bada bing." (43:01)

Christina emphasizes the value of therapy, sharing her journey toward better self-esteem and mental health:

"I have a relationship with my body now that exists outside of those things, and I feel very lucky for that." (32:29)

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Discussions on Sex Crimes and Celebrity Culture (Various Timestamps)

The episode takes a more serious turn as the conversation shifts to high-profile sex crimes involving celebrities like Roman Polanski, Bill Cosby, and others. The hosts critique the societal and legal responses to these cases, questioning the accountability and repercussions faced by those in power:

"You know, he looks like he did a five-day fast leading up to the movie." (24:15)

They explore the complexities of fame, power dynamics, and the lack of accountability, intertwining humor with critical analysis:

"He's more psychopathic than you." (19:20)

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Anecdotes and Comedic Bits on Everyday Situations (Various Timestamps)

Interspersed with heavier topics, Christina and Tom share humorous stories about everyday mishaps, such as operating forklifts while intoxicated and negotiating prices at retail stores like Best Buy:

"You just have to ask, right? You got any wiggle room on that? You just ask." (86:28)

Joe DeRosa introduces light-hearted segments, including funny mishaps and observational comedy, keeping the tone balanced amidst the more intense discussions.

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Entrepreneurial Ventures and Community Support (75:35 - 93:00)

Christina highlights her entrepreneurial spirit by discussing her sandwich business, Joey Roses, sharing stories of celebrity endorsements and the challenges of maintaining quality and affordability in New York City's competitive market:

"We have to go as high as even... 14. Like, it bothers me, but..." (95:04)

Tom expresses admiration for Christina's business acumen, reinforcing the supportive dynamic between the hosts and their ventures.

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Closing Remarks and Final Thoughts (93:00 - End)

As the episode wraps up, the hosts reflect on the day's discussions, emphasizing the importance of honesty, self-awareness, and community support. They reiterate their commitment to mental health advocacy and continue to blend humor with meaningful conversations.

"We're two catches that have come together." (102:00)

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Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Tom Segura: "I hooked up with a 26-year-old and it was good." (02:11)
• Joe DeRosa: "Why the... can a beautiful black goddess ever notice me?" (09:30)
• Tom Segura: "He doesn’t care... he was a sick guy." (53:35)
• Christina P.: "We're obviously two catches that have come together." (102:00)
• Joe DeRosa: "Everyone's a fucking idiot." (97:54)

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Conclusion

Episode 820 of Your Mom's House navigates through a spectrum of topics, seamlessly blending humor with poignant discussions on mental health, societal issues, and personal anecdotes. Christina P. and Tom Segura, along with guest Joe DeRosa, offer listeners an engaging and thought-provoking experience, staying true to the show's essence while pushing boundaries in their comedic exploration of complex subjects.

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Note: This summary aims to encapsulate the essence of the podcast episode while adhering to respectful and responsible content guidelines.

Transcript

[Tom Segura]

Hey everyone, don't miss my come together tour. I'll be in Athens, Georgia on Friday, August 29th and Windsor, Ontario on September 4th. I've also added a second show in Akron, Ohio and will be there on September 6th and 7th. Tickets and all info [e-mail] Tour well, welcome.

[Christina P.]

Welcome to your mom's house. This episode is brought to you by Progressive Insurance. Fiscally responsible financial geniuses, monetary magicians. These are things people say about drivers who switch their car insurance to Progressive and save hundreds. Visit progressive.com to see if you could save Progressive Casualty Insurance Company and affiliates.

[Joe De Rosa]

Potential savings will vary.

[Christina P.]

Not available in all states or situations.

[Tom Segura]

Welcome to the program. I'm Tom, of course, sitting here with my partner, Fart Dog.

[Joe De Rosa]

It's Lieutenant Fart. Dog.

[Tom Segura]

Lieutenant Fart Dog, Special operations instructor.

[Joe De Rosa]

You know, we were watching Top, Top Gun, Maverick. Maverick. And we were wondering if anybody is in the Air Force, if you could tell us if you have ever had a call sign like Fart Dog or anything remotely inappropriate.

[Tom Segura]

Inappropriate? Ye.

[Joe De Rosa]

Because we were wondering if you could.

[Tom Segura]

Get away with being rooster Joker and. Yeah, like, what about like tit slops or something?

[Joe De Rosa]

You know, old Big Dick. Because you know those guys, that would be the first one.

[Tom Segura]

Stanky.

[Joe De Rosa]

Stanky. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know about. They've probably been probably just stanky.

[Joe De Rosa]

Just stanky.

[Tom Segura]

They wouldn't say stanky cock wouldn't be your call sign.

[Joe De Rosa]

But. But what, what is the stanky in reference to your balls?

[Tom Segura]

Maybe. But the thing is, I think the only way to get away with a thing like a stanky.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Would be because the. Your commanding officer would be like, what? And then they'd have to. You'd have to spin it and be like, you know, it never showers. And they're like, right. And then the real thing is that like, well, his dick stinks because he's.

[Joe De Rosa]

He does it so much with chicks.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He's a big banger. Oh my God.

[Joe De Rosa]

Oh my God.

[Tom Segura]

I hooked up with a 26 year old and it was good.

[Joe De Rosa]

Oh my God, I'm so proud of you.

[Tom Segura]

Like, like it was awesome.

[Joe De Rosa]

I'm so proud. Good for you.

[Tom Segura]

I gotta tell you something. I did recently. I hooked up. Yeah. And I was like, it was great.

[Joe De Rosa]

Oh my God, I love that for you. Like, seriously, I love that for you.

[Tom Segura]

It's so fun.

[Joe De Rosa]

You know what's so great is that like you're just being your authentic self.

[Tom Segura]

Yes. And I'm like, I'm. I'm just like not letting like society tell Me, who I can sleep with.

[Joe De Rosa]

Because society wants to shame you. They want to fat shame you. Society is racist. It's sexist. It's just horrible. Girl, you got to do your own thing.

[Tom Segura]

And like we butt fud. And it was so awesome.

[Joe De Rosa]

Oh my God, I'm so happy for you.

[Tom Segura]

Like, I haven't shit like this in years.

[Joe De Rosa]

I love that.

[Tom Segura]

I have just been like, it's like colonics every day.

[Joe De Rosa]

Oh my God. And you know what? Colonics is also part of something. Self care, which is so important.

[Tom Segura]

Nobody does it.

[Joe De Rosa]

Well, we as women, especially as mothers, don't have enough time for ourselves.

[Tom Segura]

Do you think that my kids will like to hear this podcast where I talk about getting butt?

[Joe De Rosa]

Probably about as much as they want to hear us talk about Lieutenant Fart Dog. Probably their mom having eyes.

[Tom Segura]

Actually, actually, I. I think that the other ones probably gonna bother the kid more.

[Joe De Rosa]

You think? Yeah, I think talking about what you really do.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

By far more vulgar.

[Tom Segura]

It's so funny that there's this. It's, you know, I'm like realizing this in the moment.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That all these years on Mike and saying all kinds of inappropriate, wild. There's this thing that in your head that always goes, yeah, but don't talk about what you do.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I think it's actually this self preservation slash, you know, putting. Putting into your mind, oh, I don't want like, kid my kid to hear that. Like it, it always is. Like, the only line that exists is like, I won't tell real things.

[Joe De Rosa]

I know. And it's interesting because as. As comedians, we walk the line of truth, of reality versus embellishment.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Joe De Rosa]

So there is always a kernel of something.

[Christina P.]

Right.

[Joe De Rosa]

Usually. But not necessarily the whole shebang. Now. I mean, I'm. If you were listening to the last episode. Tom and I are still reeling over the results.

[Tom Segura]

Everybody is.

[Joe De Rosa]

Everybody, everybody. The whole world is reeling over the results of the psych evaluations we did on our staff.

[Tom Segura]

I think we would. You know what? It made me want to do a more in depth one. Like, I want everybody to do the 500 question one.

[Joe De Rosa]

Let's go.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And then to have somebody come in here and be like, all right, those first results, that wasn't it. There's a new top three.

[Joe De Rosa]

I would love that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

Cross reference.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, the, the big. I would say, you know, headline news from. It is. It's not a surprise. Zolo is so well adjusted.

[Joe De Rosa]

I am a little surprised.

[Tom Segura]

You are?

[Joe De Rosa]

I am a little. Because he came to us young.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

And we've raised him in a way, and we've molded that young mind.

[Tom Segura]

It just means we're good parents, man.

[Joe De Rosa]

Maybe.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I was surprised.

[Joe De Rosa]

I definitely thought I was way more.

[Tom Segura]

Fucked up than she made me out to be.

[Joe De Rosa]

What did you think she would say?

[Tom Segura]

I thought I'd be in, like, the.

[Joe De Rosa]

Middle of, like, the whole. The whole sample size here, but. Yeah. Shocking.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I think. I think it was he.

[Joe De Rosa]

Number one normal.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Number one normal. And I'll tell you who wasn't. Is sitting to his left and our right, Niana, who's wearing. What the hell does that shirt say? Does it say daddy's little meat eater? Oh, meatball. It's like, Jesus Christ.

[Joe De Rosa]

Daddy's little meatball. She's got her. She's representing the Bloods today.

[Tom Segura]

I thought it said meat eater. I was, like, insane.

[Joe De Rosa]

She's got her Aunt Jemima handkerchief on.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. So how's daddy's little meatball feeling?

[Joe De Rosa]

I'm very shocked that I was second most mentally ill. Did it.

[Tom Segura]

Did it actually rattle you? Did you feel, like, surprised when you. When the. When she first said it.

[Joe De Rosa]

I was definitely rattled when she said the words borderline.

[Christina P.]

That is rattling.

[Tom Segura]

But then, you know, the thing that we have to. Like, I was thinking about it today was that, like, well, everybody registers on this. Like, there is no such thing as, like, oh, you don't have anything. Like, everybody registers, and it makes sense that you're going to be higher in certain things. When she started asking you questions and, like, you know, you were kind of coming to terms with, like, oh, I. Yeah. Yes to this. No to that. Did it start to feel unnerving, or was it, like, settling in a way to. To hear the question and reaffirm something?

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah, I felt better that some things were reaffirmed, but also, like, I don't know. I'm just very emotionally in tune. So it didn't really. Once I saw that everyone else had a little bit of this borderline.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

I'm like, that doesn't mean anything. I'm just, like, an emotional person.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Emotional person.

[Joe De Rosa]

Is that. So that's what bothered you? Like, what bothered you the most?

[Tom Segura]

Just the term.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah, Just the term was a little scary. Oh. To be. Well, look, as somebody that was raised by a borderline mom, that I was deathly afraid of it, too. And unfortunately, like, everyone's got borderline traits.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, everybody.

[Joe De Rosa]

And you can just go and work on those traits so that they're less pro.

[Tom Segura]

But also yours are not. Like, they're not notable. They're Notable within a hundred question test.

[Joe De Rosa]

Mine.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, I'm talking like, they're notable in a hundred question test in that moment compared to, like, everyone. Like, they're not like, oh, my God, this is alarming. Know.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah. You could have been getting your period or something. You know, I did take the test when I was PMSing.

[Tom Segura]

Same here.

[Joe De Rosa]

Me too. Are you finally bleeding?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

Jesus, what are you wearing today?

[Tom Segura]

I hate the buildup of now. I have a tampon in today.

[Joe De Rosa]

Did you do. And what did you take for your symptoms?

[Tom Segura]

Midol.

[Joe De Rosa]

You like that one better?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I take Advil sometimes too.

[Joe De Rosa]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

What about the big liar face who we all know lied, which was any, right?

[Joe De Rosa]

I know. Normal.

[Tom Segura]

Normal. Get the.

[Joe De Rosa]

No way.

[Tom Segura]

She was like, oh, any. Yeah. Who's that? Oh, yeah, that one's normal. Get out of here.

[Joe De Rosa]

I. I would put money that I thought he was gonna fudge the test to make it crazier. Right. I think he fudged the test to be normal. Like, he probably went, oh, what would a normal person say here? And then that's how he answered.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably like, in character would go, I'm about to answer. Hold on.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah, I'll.

[Tom Segura]

I'll go two to the left. Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

Pretend I'm Josh Zolo. And now.

[Tom Segura]

And now I answer. Yeah, we know, we know, we know, we know. All right, let's open the show.

[Joe De Rosa]

You ready to talk about us, huh?

[Tom Segura]

Well, we will, but I think we should do our opening.

[Joe De Rosa]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. Here we go. Here you go. I'm Ryan, and I just got noticed by Tom Shagura again.

[Christina P.]

And I just have one thing to ask.

[Tom Segura]

Why the. Can a beautiful black goddess ever notice me?

[Joe De Rosa]

Oh.

[Christina P.]

Who is Randy? Don't bring anyone mother into this.

[Tom Segura]

We got your back, Ryan.

[Joe De Rosa]

Welcome.

[Christina P.]

Welcome to your mom's house with Tom.

[Joe De Rosa]

Segura, Mom Sagura, and Christina Pajit.

[Tom Segura]

Welcome to your mom's house.

[Christina P.]

Go.

[Joe De Rosa]

Oh, my gosh. I just got a text from my mom friend who was like, this is so funny. She goes, wellness check. Making sure you are okay with Tom's water cleanse. Play twice if you. If you're okay. I. I'm really shocked at how pleasant you are.

[Tom Segura]

Well, today. Today changed today about it. So for people that don't know, we're. Yeah, we are recording a few of these episodes kind of day after, like, you know, three days in a row, basically. Right. Just because of the summer schedule, which we'll get into in a little bit. So yesterday we recorded an episode that came out the week before this one, right. And I was working towards 48 hours of fasting. And I could definitely feel, you know, hunger, lack of focus, you know, irritable, all the things when you're hungry, but exacerbated. And I was like. And people were telling me different things about that's, you know, a normal thing and that it might get worse for going into the third day, might get better or whatever. So I went to bed last night.

[Joe De Rosa]

How did you sleep? Hungry. I have such a hard time sleeping.

[Tom Segura]

That was harder the first night after 24 hours. That was hard. So that first night, like when I hit 24 hours, because I started this fast in the Evening, I hit 24 hours at 9 in the evening. And going to bed that night was the hardest. It was hard to go to bed. And when I got up to pee, I. It was so hard to go back to sleep. I was, I was up a lot, you know, I was like, fuck, man. Because, you know, your body's just like, hey, how come we're not eating? So yesterday it was a little bit easier to go to sleep. I had some salt. I put like some. This high quality salt just like on my tongue, drank more water and sounds great. Then I was able to fall asleep. But anyway, I woke up today and in the morning I hit 60 hours, right? So I'm working towards the 72, I guess, for today. And I felt much more energized. I felt normal. So I went to the gym and I. I hadn't lifted or anything in a couple days, so I lifted. I. I didn't do anything. I'm really like, cautious and apprehensive about pushing too hard. So I'm not doing anything crazy. But I just wanted to exercise and like, feel, you know, muscle contractions and everything. So I live. I did like a, A little circuit where I did like full body kind of circuit. And I felt fine. I felt totally fine doing it. And then now I feel completely normal right now I feel.

[Joe De Rosa]

That is crazy because you're not afraid of like, passing out?

[Tom Segura]

No, no, I'd be afraid of passing. But there's this thing that happens in your, in your body with which is that like aft, like at first your body's like, why aren't we eating right? And it's like, you're hungry, hungry, hungry. And then your body taps into it and goes like, oh, we're not getting food from the mouth. So now we'll tap into your own reserves. So you start using that as energy. So I think, you know, I just.

[Joe De Rosa]

I think people listening Are like, Thomas, officially crazy. Right? Like, what did the psych eval say.

[Tom Segura]

About this kind of thing? Well, you know what it fucking said about you is that.

[Joe De Rosa]

Hold on though. The psych eval did say. Are you beefing?

[Tom Segura]

No, I'm just adjusting.

[Joe De Rosa]

The psych eval did say that you're prone to doing high risk behaviors or more impulsive things. Things. And this is one of those wacky things that you're doing.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

I would never do this.

[Tom Segura]

No, I know.

[Joe De Rosa]

Sounds terrible.

[Tom Segura]

This wasn't done, people. I. I know. It. It makes sense to think it was just done to like drop weight. It was done because of a wellness protocol that I. We see like wellness people and the wellness person unrelated to like body weight or body fat was like, this was a. Is a great reset for you and gave me all this. It's too long to get into all this information. And this protocol involved like a bunch of vitamins and, and things I hadn't tried before. And one of them was like a five day fast. And I thought, well, I could put off that fast because, you know, you don't have to do it in the moment. Or I was like, this is probably a good week for me to do it before I travel and go do this movie. So I just did it this week.

[Joe De Rosa]

No, I'm telling you, I was worried going into this. I was like, he's going to be miserable. It's going to be a pain in the ass to be around you. You're going to be in.

[Tom Segura]

I thought so too.

[Joe De Rosa]

Complaining. You've been lovely. In fact, I have better conversations with you because you're not as distracted. Like, you stop and talk to me and you make eye contact and you listen and it's been really nice. So I think you should just stop eating entirely. For the rest of our marriage, summer's the perfect time to entertain, whether you're hosting friends for a cookout or looking for ways to keep the kids busy busy while they're out of school. If you're planning a backyard get together, Wayfair is your one stop shop for everything outdoor entertaining. I love Wayfair. I got the most fantastic outdoor chairs from Wayfair about three years ago and they're still holding up. They're amazing. They're called the anorak chairs and dannerak. I don't know what they're called, but you put them out on your grass and they're fantastic. And I just got two beautiful wooden benches from Wayfair to put in the front yard. It's just the best need a patio table, grill or dishware for that cookout. Maybe you want lounge chairs, daybeds and umbrellas for a pool party. Or how about cornhole, croquet and string lights to set the perfect game night vibe. Wayfair has it all with fast easy shipping so you can get ready to party without the hassle. What I love is how Wayfair makes it easy to customize your outdoor space. Whether you want cozy conversation sets, fun lawn games or a full outdoor dining setup. Plus free delivery even on big items which is huge like patio sets and gazebos means no surprise fees. Whatever your style or budget, Wayfair has everything you need to create the perfect warm weather hangout shop, outdoor furniture, grills, lawn games and way more for way less. Head to Wayfair.com right now to explore a huge outdoor selection That's W A Y-F A I R.com Wayfair Every style, every Home when we started this podcast, it felt like we had to figure out everything. Production, branding, marketing. It was a lot. I wish we had Shopify back then. We use Shopify to power our merch store. It made it super easy to launch and manage everything from designing the site, the handling drops like the Air Segura shirt which flew off the shelves. We can track orders, restock, and stay on top of it all without needing a full team. Shopify powers millions of businesses and handles 10% of all e commerce in the US from big names like Mattel and Gymshark to companies like us. Here at ymh, you can build a beautiful online store with hundreds of templates, create content with built in AI tools, and run email and social campaigns like you've got a full marketing team. If you're ready to sell, you're ready for Shopify. Turn your big business idea into. With Shopify on your side, sign up for your $1 per month trial at shopify.com momshouse go to shopify.com momshouse shopify.com.

[Tom Segura]

Momshouse so don't eat again.

[Joe De Rosa]

No, keep it going bud.

[Tom Segura]

I think you're right. Yeah, I actually really like the way I feel.

[Joe De Rosa]

I. I would want to try it, but I don't want to try it. You know what I mean?

[Tom Segura]

Can I tell you this though?

[Joe De Rosa]

Like it.

[Tom Segura]

Can I tell you this? It's like, it's like a gang bang. Can I just tell you this? No, because, because you go like, I don't know if I can handle it. And then you get in one. You're like, this is the best These are the people I want to be friends with forever.

[Joe De Rosa]

Two and you. There are three in you, so.

[Tom Segura]

No, it's. It's like a lot of things. The anxiety about it is worse.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's true. That's true. It's absolutely true. That is like life. It's like. Anyway, let's talk about the psych eval. Okay. So she's like.

[Tom Segura]

She called me later. She was like. I didn't want to say it on the show. She's like, christine is a crazy. I was like, oh, why didn't you say it? Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

Not true. The only reason I won is because I charted high on eccentricity. Schizoids or whatever.

[Tom Segura]

Schizo tipple.

[Joe De Rosa]

Schizo tipple. And I said to some, a little.

[Tom Segura]

Weirder than you, avoidant, too.

[Joe De Rosa]

Oh, I'm very. I'm more avoidant than you.

[Tom Segura]

And I was just higher on antisocial, which we knew.

[Joe De Rosa]

Knew that.

[Tom Segura]

That we knew that.

[Joe De Rosa]

And risky behavior traits of psychopathy. And psychopathy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I'm more psychopathic than you.

[Joe De Rosa]

Well, for. For sure. But. But that. That ties into being antisocial.

[Tom Segura]

Correct. It's the same thing.

[Joe De Rosa]

I'm surprised you didn't score in the danger zone for that Maverick, because you should have scored higher for psychopathy.

[Tom Segura]

I should have worn my cycle glasses today.

[Joe De Rosa]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

I left them at home.

[Joe De Rosa]

You're high designers.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

Well, I'm glad we did this. It was very informative. Tanner, I think we should. I would love to. To follow him in therapy and. And unpack what's going on there.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I think we should definitely. I really meant it. I said it. When he was on the phone yesterday. I was like, I'll pay for you to go to therapy.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah, we should sponsor that.

[Tom Segura]

She also, like, she did seem a little scared about him. She was like, this guy is fucking wild. Well, is this a combat vet? No. Nope.

[Joe De Rosa]

And also a very good fit here at YMH Studios.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

And.

[Tom Segura]

And I meant it for most of you. I was like, don't get help. You're great. But he. I was just a little concerned about.

[Joe De Rosa]

Oh, and I was gonna say, too. I was thinking about it last night. Had I taken that test 20 years ago before therapy, I would have scored way crazier.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P.]

I would have been.

[Joe De Rosa]

Bars, bars, bars. Like, it. It's also a function of aging and being in therapy for million years where you're like, oh, I know what's wrong with me.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah, I know. I can go OCD if my anxiety gets too high. So what do I do? I gotta feel feelings even though I don't like to feel them. Blah, blah, blah.

[Tom Segura]

You're right. And we're both big advocates of therapy. I think I'll always be like encouraging for people to do it well too.

[Joe De Rosa]

Fart dog.

[Tom Segura]

Let me just real quick because we open with Ryan. Hi, I'm Ryan. And he wants.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah, I forgot about Ryan.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, this, the point of this is to help Ryan get that beautiful black eye.

[Joe De Rosa]

I'm trying to help her and that's.

[Tom Segura]

Why I'm telling this audience, please, are you black? Are you beautiful?

[Joe De Rosa]

Do you have a big ass?

[Tom Segura]

Do you have a great ass? I'm guessing if the first two are. Yes, the third one is definitely us.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Could you please send a message to this sweet Ryan? What's his, what's his handle?

[Joe De Rosa]

Ryan Harmon, 22.

[Tom Segura]

On Instagram @ Ryan Harmon, 22, that's R Y A N H A r m o n 22. If you're a beautiful black goddess and you just want to, you know, meet someone new, connect with someone, why not send or post a message? You can tag YMH, you can tag Ryan Harmon, 22 and just say hello. He wants a beautiful black goddess. I think there's enough people out there that need a connection, that this might be something special.

[Joe De Rosa]

Well, we've always been people that make love connections.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Joe De Rosa]

You know, we have love, we want to share out love with others. So hit Ryan up.

[Tom Segura]

Here's another bit of information.

[Joe De Rosa]

Go ahead.

[Tom Segura]

Ryan not only does not discriminate, which is obvious because he was looking for a beautiful black goddess. Yeah, he is. He is without a doubt, maybe the most inclusive, love seeking guy out there. Because I'm Ryan and I like trans women. Something about a girl with a dick.

[Christina P.]

Gives me that tingly feeling.

[Joe De Rosa]

Dude, you could definitely find a black trans woman out there. Yeah, they're everywhere on social medias.

[Tom Segura]

And here's the thing about them, Ryan, where they are, they got that beautiful black ass you're looking for and a dick that you have never encountered in your life. That's so true. That will change your life. And I think that might be the love connection that happens from this show.

[Joe De Rosa]

Dude, this is so cool. Do you know what's really cool about this time we live in is like, I remember watching Love Connection with my mom and back then it was only like straight people with straight people.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Joe De Rosa]

And dude, now you can be like, yeah, I like, I don't know, black trans women.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And they're like, cool, yeah, we'll find you someone.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah, yeah. It's so incredible.

[Tom Segura]

It's great. It is great.

[Joe De Rosa]

Gosh, they should redo love connection with like Orion guy. And he's like, dude, her ass was so big.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

And Chuck was like, really? Tell me about that.

[Tom Segura]

That's. Dude, a love connection with like non squares.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah. Would be so rad, so fun.

[Tom Segura]

That's a great idea. We try to produce that. Make that.

[Joe De Rosa]

I know you want to.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

Happy. Oh my God. Remember the other day we were watching Fight Club.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

And I was like, I love Jim Norton. He's so good in this.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And then I was like, that's not Jim Norton. Yeah. And you're like, what?

[Joe De Rosa]

I do that so much where I put comedian names.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, it's a close one. They have the same last name.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah, yeah. Two different people, though.

[Tom Segura]

They are different. They're very different people.

[Joe De Rosa]

God, Brad Pitt's so awesome in this movie.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

And so is Ed Norton. So is Helena Bonham Carter. My absolute hero, style icon for sure.

[Tom Segura]

He looks like he did a five day fast leading up to the movie.

[Joe De Rosa]

He did. Look at those abs.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Joe De Rosa]

Look at his, his dick lines. What do you call those?

[Tom Segura]

Cum gutters.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah, yeah, gutters.

[Tom Segura]

The thing about this though, this, this is always referenced when, when about like, what's the God. The male aesthetic, like, thing. But he has no mass in this. You realize that, like, what do you mean? Like, he looks like he weighs. If you watch the movie and you're a guy, you're like, yeah, like he looks incredible, but he weighs like 150 pounds in this movie.

[Joe De Rosa]

I dream of weighing 150 pounds.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That's my goal weight, isn't that. But that's really slender for a man.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's wild.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

So like he's basically fasting and just punching.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, it's his. I think it's his natural. But it's his leanest weight you can get to. And there's no mass meaning, like there's no bulk to him. Right. Like it's very, very lean.

[Joe De Rosa]

Like a surfer's body.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, like a surfer. Exactly.

[Joe De Rosa]

So but I'm thinking like the reason but being like this photographs or this videographs beautifully.

[Tom Segura]

What did I tell you his weight was? And I. I could tell that from the eye. Yeah, yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

Well, because it looks great.

[Tom Segura]

He got his body fat percentage down to 5%. What?

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah, yeah. Because people don't realize that movie stars are very small people, I think generally.

[Tom Segura]

But like, if you're watching this, I'm just talking about from the aesthetic. Mm. If you. You go, oh, man, he looks great. But if you saw him in person, then you would be like, dude, you need to. Like, you need to eat something. Yeah, you're. You're right. You're too small.

[Joe De Rosa]

But it looks better on camera because the camera adds 20 pounds. Yeah, it sucks. That's why movie, like, actresses are always teeny, teeny, teeny tinies. Because it doesn't. It looks better.

[Tom Segura]

You should see me at 155.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

Pretty cool.

[Joe De Rosa]

Have you ever been?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, fifth grade.

[Joe De Rosa]

Could you imagine?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, the skinniest. I'm trying to think of, like, the. So the lightest I've ever been as an adult is 30 pounds heavier than that. So 185. I was 185 when I was, like, 22.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's about right, though, because I think when I was in college, I. The summer I worked at Starbucks. No, I lived in England, and I just lived on beer, cigarettes, because the food was garbage. In the 90s, I got down to 117.

[Tom Segura]

5.

[Joe De Rosa]

7. I was. I looked so good, dude. See my ribs and everything? I wish.

[Tom Segura]

Let's make a pack today.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I get down to 185, you get down to 117.

[Joe De Rosa]

Deal.

[Tom Segura]

And we just let things fall where they may. Let's fucking do it. Okay.

[Joe De Rosa]

How do I duck it? Back on the ozempi.

[Tom Segura]

No, stop eating like I do.

[Joe De Rosa]

Oh, just fast until I'm there.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

All right.

[Tom Segura]

You can fast for a hundred days without dying.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah, but don't your kidneys fail and. No, Josh, look it up. At what point does, like, your. Your organs shut down?

[Tom Segura]

No, dude, you're gonna have electrolytes. You're gonna have water.

[Joe De Rosa]

I'm gonna stop ovulating or.

[Tom Segura]

Well, that's fine.

[Joe De Rosa]

Straighting fine. Women need food. No, no, we're not like men. No, you guys are animals. 14 days. The breakdown of muscle speeds up the body begins to lose heart, kidney, and liver function.

[Tom Segura]

This is somebody who's not. Who's starving, like, really starving. Not like, who's doing this the right way. I'm talking about a fast.

[Joe De Rosa]

What's the right way? Just drinking water and stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, Water, salt.

[Joe De Rosa]

Okay, Josh, Google. How long can you go just drinking water?

[Tom Segura]

I know. People have done much longer fast without your organs perfectly healthy.

[Joe De Rosa]

Listen, I've watched alone. What's that show? Alone and afraid and naked. Surviving in Canada. Yeah, what's the show? I'm thinking of where these survivalists go.

[Tom Segura]

Out naked and afraid or whatever.

[Christina P.]

Alone.

[Joe De Rosa]

Alone. Okay, right. And they always go out 40, 50 pounds heavier. And then the problem is they're like, I'm starving. My body is breaking down, my kidneys are failing, my heart.

[Tom Segura]

First of all, you're not gonna do it forever. You're just gonna do it to your 117.

[Joe De Rosa]

How long God takes so long.

[Tom Segura]

No, just. You don't eat for two months. You can't not eat for two months.

[Joe De Rosa]

You know what? Honestly. Honestly?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

When I'm having my surgeries, my tit reconstructions, I'll do it then because I'll be in bed bedridden anyway. High as.

[Tom Segura]

Now think of that.

[Joe De Rosa]

I'm gonna start eating then.

[Tom Segura]

New tits.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

No food.

[Joe De Rosa]

No food. So good.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, you're gonna feel amazing.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's what I'm gonna do it perfect. Because right now I'm dreading these surgeries. So I'm acting up. I know what I'm doing. I'm drinking too much, I'm eating too much.

[Tom Segura]

Ask you something.

[Joe De Rosa]

I'm acting out.

[Tom Segura]

Is it possible that through this fast my penis is shrinking?

[Joe De Rosa]

I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

Is that possible?

[Joe De Rosa]

Ask the doctor.

[Tom Segura]

Dr. Zolo.

[Joe De Rosa]

Ask.

[Tom Segura]

I'm looking it up. Can my penis shrink?

[Joe De Rosa]

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[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Joe De Rosa]

You're probably just losing water in your penis.

[Tom Segura]

Maybe my water. My penis is mostly made of water.

[Joe De Rosa]

Mm.

[Tom Segura]

And I.

[Joe De Rosa]

Everybody knows that, dummy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

What about your balls? Are they changing?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, they're smaller, too. Everything's been shrinking.

[Joe De Rosa]

You're losing water in your nuts.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, what does it say?

[Joe De Rosa]

I don't even understand that.

[Tom Segura]

I don't think this is what you're doing. Okay. Six causes of penis shrinkage. Oh, my God. Okay.

[Christina P.]

Aging.

[Joe De Rosa]

Well, you got that on your side. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. What you can do. Stop aging or die. Okay. Obesity. But that's.

[Joe De Rosa]

You're not obese.

[Tom Segura]

That's like. That makes sense because that's like the fat pad around you grows so your penis looks smaller. Right? And Peyronie's. No, that's not what we're talking about. Prostate surgery. No. Oh, how about this one? This is good. Okay. That suppressed testosterone. Well, I'm not suppressing it. I want to reduce penis length by as much as 3 centimeters. No, what you can do. Oh, medicines.

[Joe De Rosa]

Are you on any Adderalls? Propecias? Clearly not well.

[Tom Segura]

Hey, hey. I'm getting a wig. You snob. All right, let's talk about this, because.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

What is this thing that says Lena? Lena.

[Joe De Rosa]

Oh, right off. Lena Dunham, y'. All, Man. So I listen, you know, I'm on the talk, and I've come across these absolute nightmarish videos of her talking. I mean, look, she's always been insufferable. I'm not a fan of girls. I never was. Maybe it's. I'm. It's not my age bracket, but let's just listen to what she's saying, okay? It's something. Something cool culture that is so deeply fat, phobic, misogynistic, racist, ageist.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, all the ists and that.

[Christina P.]

Is forming every single day our dynamic.

[Tom Segura]

With our body, whether we like it or not.

[Joe De Rosa]

Everybody has to take their whole life's journey in this one body that they've been given.

[Christina P.]

And I think one of the gifts.

[Joe De Rosa]

For me of having issues with my health has been realizing how much our. How hard our body is working for us all the time. I have a relationship with my body now that exists outside of those things, and I feel very lucky for that. Out of society. Out of. Out of fat shaming and racism and patriarchy she didn't blame the patriarchy. Wait a minute.

[Tom Segura]

That's good.

[Joe De Rosa]

We didn't hear that.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, she. I thought that was pretty sensible, what.

[Joe De Rosa]

She said, that society makes you overweight.

[Tom Segura]

Well, is that what she said? I thought she was saying, like, that society in general, we live in a culture that is fat, phobic, and racist. And all these. All the ists. And that you form a relationship with your body through that lens. And that now she is in a place where she kind of realizes you have to take this whole life journey with this one body. Makes sense, I think. And, yeah, I think it was. I thought it was really cool. Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

You like. You like what she's saying?

[Tom Segura]

I do. I like her outfit.

[Joe De Rosa]

I think she looks great.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

I don't know what you're doing. Just keep doing what you're doing. Lena, you look like you're. You're doing it right.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

She looks amazing.

[Tom Segura]

Looks good. I like the rings.

[Joe De Rosa]

I like the different color nails. Yeah. The jewelry looks great. The outfit's nice.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Big fan.

[Joe De Rosa]

Big, big.

[Tom Segura]

I never saw Girls. I know. That was a huge hit.

[Joe De Rosa]

You know what I did? I did like.

[Tom Segura]

Wow. What?

[Joe De Rosa]

I. I did like the episode she played. She played ping pong topless. And I thought that was very courageous of her.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

Because her. Her sloppers weren't like, desire, desirable. They're a little coney.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

And she was a little tubby. Yeah. That was a neat thing.

[Tom Segura]

That is cool to see.

[Joe De Rosa]

You didn't see an unconventional. See, now they photograph. Those are nice photographs. Now she just looks Ruben esque.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah. You know what? I take it back.

[Tom Segura]

You know what she looks like there?

[Joe De Rosa]

Those cans are nice.

[Tom Segura]

She kind of looks like me. And bad thoughts. I did some brave stuff in that show, too.

[Joe De Rosa]

You did do. I didn't even acknowledge your courage and your bravery and this fat, phobic, cockaphobic.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

Dick phobic society we live in. Tom, you prevailed.

[Tom Segura]

How come I don't get more celebrated for being brave?

[Joe De Rosa]

You're so brave, Tom.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I stood there naked multiple times, covered in shit one time.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I don't see the fucking Atlantic writing articles about me. And, like, what a brave choice that was. That was.

[Joe De Rosa]

That was very brave.

[Tom Segura]

Covered in peanut butter and oatmeal food dye.

[Joe De Rosa]

I agree. I thought it was very courageous.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you.

[Joe De Rosa]

You know, especially, like, the society is so terrible that we live in. You know, it's practically Afghanistan here. The way women are shamed and told to stay inside.

[Tom Segura]

And, you know, I hooked up With a guy.

[Joe De Rosa]

Hollywood is, is. It was like, it's like Pakistan good.

[Tom Segura]

Yes. Good for you. I suck the guy's dick on the bus yesterday and it was like so delicious.

[Joe De Rosa]

Oh my God. Good for you, girl.

[Christina P.]

Thank you.

[Joe De Rosa]

You're so empowered.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you.

[Joe De Rosa]

Listen, speaking of girl stuff, buy my lipsticks, you guys. I've got four shades. I've got Berlin, the perfect red, Atomic Red and Madison [e-mail] and oh, there they are. I've got some exciting things in the pipeline coming up in the fall and the winter and I'm so excited. And also I might be wearing something that I will be debuting very exciting, very soon. Christina P. Dot com. Boys, buy this for your ladies. They love this stuff, right?

[Tom Segura]

Broads love gifts. Yeah. If you got abroad in your life, get her a gift.

[Joe De Rosa]

She will literally suck your dick if you buy her these lipsticks.

[Tom Segura]

That's all you got to hear. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Keanu hit me up and he was like, my balls are full. Can you suck them? And I said, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Yep.

[Joe De Rosa]

Also my artwork, Fuck around and find out is still available. It is now priced at, let me see. No, it was 40 and now I am increasing it to $50,000 for the.

[Tom Segura]

Original, by the way.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

This is the work you've done.

[Joe De Rosa]

Thank you.

[Tom Segura]

No, the work you've done, I'm saying, on yourself, is to know, you know, because you were like saying that, like I have confidence and you admire that. It's about saying, no, the price. Yesterday's price isn't today's price. Fuck face. So it's 50 grand. Yes, Tom, there you go.

[Joe De Rosa]

Oh my God. You know what?

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Joe De Rosa]

And just as women, we don't value ourselves enough.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Joe De Rosa]

And I've suffered low self esteem, but not anymore. Cuz I value myself.

[Tom Segura]

And now you value it at $50,000.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's right.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

Buy it.

[Tom Segura]

Here. You, you see the bottle she brought in? There's a big bottle. I don't know if you saw it. Look at that. Size of that. So she's farting into that.

[Joe De Rosa]

I already know a flaw.

[Tom Segura]

What's that?

[Joe De Rosa]

She didn't cover it fast, otherwise the smell is going to go away.

[Tom Segura]

I know. And that was a big fart.

[Joe De Rosa]

It was great.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

But we, we know this from college. When you fart into a film container, the secret is you got to cover with real fast, really fast to send that smell.

[Tom Segura]

Well, hopefully she sees this and hears you talking and goes, ah, thanks, Christina.

[Joe De Rosa]

Thank you. Like, yeah, give me My reward.

[Tom Segura]

Give me my remorse.

[Joe De Rosa]

You know what's really nice about being a lady.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

Is that you can always make a living with your sexuality.

[Tom Segura]

It is nice.

[Joe De Rosa]

Any age, any size. It's so true anytime.

[Tom Segura]

And with the Internet and the landscape that has been created, the platforms that are out there.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You could be in any predicament and go, all right, I'm gonna. On a glass table for you.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

And there's somebody out there who's gonna go, here's 30 bucks. You can always get yourself out of a bind.

[Joe De Rosa]

I still have feet. And there's people that want to see those.

[Tom Segura]

Click, click, click.

[Joe De Rosa]

I still have a fat ass.

[Tom Segura]

You have armpits.

[Joe De Rosa]

I got armpit. And even if I don't, even if I'm missing a limb, there's a guy out there that wants that.

[Tom Segura]

There's somebody who just wants you to go, ah. And point at your mouth. Yep.

[Joe De Rosa]

You want to fart in a jar. There's a guy that wants that. That's the best part. These women complaining.

[Tom Segura]

You know what? Who I really admire are the women who give the least of themselves in order to satisfy men for meaning. Like a video where like a lady's like, yeah, what's up, you losers? I want you to just pull your tiny dick out and jack. I subscribe to a few. So. But like, but like they're getting money and they're just like, yeah. Saying to someone, I've always said that.

[Joe De Rosa]

I could do the dominatrix thing, kick.

[Tom Segura]

A guy in the balls. You've always loved that. You've always told me, pull up a video of a guy getting kicked in the ball.

[Joe De Rosa]

But that's only if he's been a good dog for a long time. And that's the final frontier. That's. That's ten thousand dollar kick.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Joe De Rosa]

You know what I mean? But I chastise him. I berate him on the video for a long, long time.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's cool.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So. All right, let's take a. Take a quick break.

[Joe De Rosa]

And Lena Dunham's so great. Just what a voice of a generation.

[Tom Segura]

Totally. Let's. Let's take a break. We'll be right back.

[Christina P.]

Can I get a beer?

[Tom Segura]

We are back and we are rejoined by one of our favorites. His new special comes out. It actually is out. It's called I never promised you a rose garden. It's on his YouTube channel. The joystick tour for 2025 is on sale [e-mail]. it's Joe Derosa, everybody.

[Christina P.]

Hey, guys.

[Tom Segura]

Good to See you. We're talking tattoos right before we rolled. Yeah. I want to get one. Hear me out, though, okay? It's a portrait of Hitler, but the reason is that he's a hell of a salesman.

[Christina P.]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

He's one of the slickest talkers of all time.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Not for all the other. Not the anti Semitic. None of that shit.

[Christina P.]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

Just like a great orator.

[Joe De Rosa]

And.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

I mean, he loves sales.

[Tom Segura]

I like sales, you know, I like business. And I feel like it's a. It's a message to the rest of the staff of, like, this is the guy who could give a speech, you know, And I. I kind of want them to take that. They're all giving me pushback.

[Christina P.]

He's.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Optically, I get. I get why. But he's. He is the ultimate example of Used his power for bad.

[Tom Segura]

Right. So that. The whole thing is, look at this.

[Christina P.]

The ultimate.

[Tom Segura]

On my arm every day and don't be bad. That's what I'm trying to tell.

[Christina P.]

That's another thing. Tattoos on the arm and Hitler, they're not a great history. There.

[Tom Segura]

There's a lot of way. I'm trying to figure out a way.

[Christina P.]

There's a way.

[Joe De Rosa]

You just need to open your mind, Joe. It's like, I feel like you've never taken a sales seminar before.

[Christina P.]

What about this? What if you started with a tapestry that you just kind of hung on the wall?

[Joe De Rosa]

Great idea. Oh, my God. What if we spent, like, 50 grand on a Hitler tapestry?

[Tom Segura]

Well, Dan Pena brought it up, and that's why I like when he brought it up. Oh, you got to put your. Your. Your cans on to hear it.

[Christina P.]

Sorry. Oh. Oh.

[Tom Segura]

But this is Dan Pena, who we've had on the show before, and, yeah, he. I'll do whatever it takes. Yeah, well, that means something different to me. It means something different to guys like Hitler. Why do I have Hitler's picture in the behind my desk? Because you're arguably the best salesman that ever lived. How do you get 60, 70, 80 million people to genocide? 10 million people. Either those 10 million people had to do something terrible, which wasn't the case, or you got to be a slick. And that's what I'm saying. He was. See? Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's the thought behind it.

[Christina P.]

Will you also start dressing like Gomez Adams maybe? Because that would help.

[Tom Segura]

That would help.

[Christina P.]

His outfit is helping sell the argument.

[Tom Segura]

It really is.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's totally his aesthetic.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

He also lives in a castle in Scotland.

[Christina P.]

He does.

[Tom Segura]

This guy does. Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

Dan Pena, not.

[Christina P.]

Boy. Wait, Who Is. I'm embarrassed.

[Tom Segura]

He's like a. He's a business. You know, one of the, like, the business talking. Here. I got some. We knew we first discovered him on videos like this. Okay.

[Christina P.]

Here. He looks like Anthony. The rest of the world laughed at us.

[Tom Segura]

Do you realize the Russians think we're all. Do you realize most of the eastern black countries think we're.

[Joe De Rosa]

Cuz. We are.

[Christina P.]

We're an embarrassment to humanity.

[Joe De Rosa]

The humanity.

[Christina P.]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

That guy's got away. I think he's undercutting himself with giving Hitler all the credit. I think this guy's got his own. Yeah, his own skill set.

[Tom Segura]

He's got a lot of classics.

[Christina P.]

Hanging out with losers. Wasting your time with people. That mean correct. Show me your friends and I'll show you your future.

[Tom Segura]

That's one of your top.

[Christina P.]

Top.

[Tom Segura]

It is three pieces. Show me your friends and I show you your future.

[Christina P.]

You want to know why you're all up?

[Tom Segura]

Just look at the bums you hang around with. There you go.

[Joe De Rosa]

I've committed this to soul.

[Tom Segura]

So Pena was a financial analyst. He went on to become president of Greater Great Western Resources, a Houston based oil company. Penny was ousted as president of the company. 92 awarded $3 million. Then he bought. Yeah. Guthrie Castle in Scotland, where he lives. Operates several businesses out of there. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Can we see a picture of Guthrie Castle? I want to see this G. Oh, all right.

[Joe De Rosa]

Crushes.

[Christina P.]

I mean, that's.

[Joe De Rosa]

You know, if you want to learn. You can take his seminar. You just have to go to Scotland.

[Tom Segura]

You do. You can stay in the castle.

[Joe De Rosa]

You can.

[Christina P.]

His seminar.

[Tom Segura]

It's a nice castle. Dude. Come on.

[Christina P.]

All right.

[Tom Segura]

The angle was.

[Christina P.]

It was a first. That's a terrible, terrible angle. It's like an old church.

[Tom Segura]

That.

[Christina P.]

That looks. But look, I'm just gonna say.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

It's technically a castle.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P.]

You say castle. I'm thinking. I know there's a peak.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And cliffs. You know what I mean? Like Dracula style. That's a big fucking house. But I gotta be honest. I went to the guy that created Full House's house once.

[Joe De Rosa]

So did I.

[Christina P.]

It'll pretty much look like that.

[Joe De Rosa]

I've been to that. It's the Manson murder house.

[Christina P.]

It's not the house. It's the site of the house.

[Tom Segura]

It's the site of the house.

[Joe De Rosa]

Correct. He tore it down, changed the address, and rebuilt in this kooky shoes mansion with waterfalls and the Elvis Presley room. I got it.

[Christina P.]

Committed far worse crimes than Manson by creating Full House.

[Joe De Rosa]

What happened to predictability isn't that the same thing? Yeah.

[Christina P.]

I was there with Burr. It was Bob Saget's birthday party, and Burr brought me, and we were walking around outside, and he just goes, jesus Christ. This looks like a Cheesecake Factory.

[Tom Segura]

That is really tacky, man.

[Joe De Rosa]

It is. It's horrendous.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

And I went there for a business lunch, and he had a butler bringing us lunch out on this veranda. And did you see, like, the waterfalls and the slides? And I saw there's no kids there.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, it was. It was a scene. I hung out with Turtle. I don't know, from Entourage. Oh, he was there. I met Norman learning how. Norman Lear. I met a ton of cool.

[Tom Segura]

That's very cool.

[Christina P.]

This is the first time I ever met Bob Saget. He was very nice. Just Stamos was there, along with the older two sisters, Cameron and Jody. Yeah, the Olsens didn't show up, though.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that's really.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, I was bummed because I was like, that's when I feel like it's gonna be like a fucking party. Yeah, the Olsen twins show up, but.

[Joe De Rosa]

They must not like him.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know what the nice thing, though, about building on that. That plot of land is just good vibes, if you believe in energy, you know?

[Joe De Rosa]

Well, I asked him why, you know that? I go, why did you buy this? I'm just curious. Are you a fan of the work? Yeah. And he goes, well, it turns out that Murderland is discounted land, so I got a really good deal on this.

[Christina P.]

Jesus Christ.

[Joe De Rosa]

Spoken like a true Hollywood cool guy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah, the coolest.

[Christina P.]

Only in Hollywood can it get worse. You think the worst thing that could happen on this land happened, and then they build this. It's like almost.

[Tom Segura]

It's like a bad amusement park. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Imagine if they built that at ground zero. Like that exact. It's just like, guys, something happened here, man.

[Tom Segura]

Look at this headline with a strange history. Is it. Is it strange what happened there? Is that the word you would pick?

[Christina P.]

Strange?

[Tom Segura]

It was really strange the way people were disemboweled on this property.

[Joe De Rosa]

A pregnant woman.

[Tom Segura]

That was so strange. Pig and blood on the walls. Jesus. Jesus Christ.

[Christina P.]

Has anyone ever said, fuck you, dampena. I'm walking out the door? No, I've thrown a couple out, but.

[Tom Segura]

Nobody'S ever said that.

[Christina P.]

No, I take that back. One. One Romanian walked out the door because he said I was making fun of him, calling him a gypsy aroma. But then when we came back in the afternoon, he was sitting in the library, and I thought you left.

[Tom Segura]

He says, no, no, no, you were right.

[Christina P.]

So I'll be the first if I walk?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, if you walk.

[Christina P.]

You'll be, you'll be the. There'll be plenty of here.

[Tom Segura]

But you may be the first to walk out.

[Christina P.]

This guy's amazing.

[Tom Segura]

He's amazing. He's amazing.

[Christina P.]

I gotta, I'm following him. This is amazing. Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

Isn't he just like our dads? I mean, you know what I mean? Like, this is just, this is what we grew up with.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. It's that. The guys that talk like that. Just because, like, it's like, yeah, it's, it's. They're, they're not around anymore. It's wild.

[Tom Segura]

I do honestly kind of love a guy like that.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know, I mean, because, you know what it reminds me of is like, old school coaches. If you ever played, like, any, like, team sports, you know, you get, you get a variety of personalities, and there's one who was like a straight shooter who's like, you know what? The whole reason you're not playing right now is because you suck.

[Christina P.]

Right?

[Tom Segura]

And you're like, oh, yeah. He's like, yeah. And he just gets in your ass, like, get here early and lift you. Yeah, okay.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, it's. It's so wild, man. Like, I, I, you know, I miss that era of. I mean, how many times have any of us with, with people that you work with or that work for you in some capacity or whatever, you, you, you have so many moments where you're like, I WISH it was 1985.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

So I could just be like, why don't you do your job and shut the. And you can't.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It's just not how, it's not how it works.

[Christina P.]

No.

[Tom Segura]

But it still works like that in his world.

[Christina P.]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He does that stuff still, for sure.

[Christina P.]

I mean, he lives in a castle.

[Joe De Rosa]

You know, but you know what's great about the standup world is that it's so brutal. Like, even if your cohorts, your, whatever, your friends aren't busting your balls, the audience will. So there's no mincing of anything in our world. Yeah, it's like the last honest part of showbiz.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. Yeah, it's. It's a lot of just absolute brutal honesty all the fucking time.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

I got a heck. The guy heckled me last night. I said I was talking about how Russell Brand. I go, if you want to see a true psychopath, like, if you want to have the rich or truly saying Russell Brand. And the premise of the bit, it's not really working. But the premise of the bit is he's got multiple charges and he's rich, but he still does his podcast. Like, that's the sign of a lunatic.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. Because they can never stop you from doing that, no matter how psychotic you are. You can keep doing this. Yeah, you can.

[Christina P.]

And I go. So I say that. And the guy. When I said the charges, some guy goes, whatever, whatever. And I go, are you one of these passive, passive guys when it comes to. And the guy goes, America, like, all right, well, this is where English. It was a wild response, but it's the only. Could you imagine in an office?

[Joe De Rosa]

No.

[Christina P.]

Even I couldn't say the first thing.

[Joe De Rosa]

No.

[Christina P.]

Nobody could have the reaction they had. The interaction that took place afterwards. None of it could happen. Comedy is one of the last places where it's just.

[Tom Segura]

I just got asked about somebody. Okay. I'm not going to say who.

[Christina P.]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

And I was. And so a guy I know brought up somebody else who has had accusations.

[Christina P.]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

And I was like, oh, yeah, you know about that. And he was like, yeah, yeah. He goes, it seems like a great guy. And I go, yeah. I mean, other than the stuff. And he goes, is it possible that somebody can be redeemed? I go, yeah, they're just like a cooler now. And he was like, yeah. He was like, yeah. I don't know. He seemed like a guy. A nice guy, for sure, man.

[Christina P.]

Did you see the Theo Vaughn Cat Williams Bill Cosby clip?

[Tom Segura]

No, I can't say that.

[Christina P.]

My friend sent it to me yesterday. I was laughing so hard. They're sitting there talking, and they're talking about Bill Cosby. And Theo's looking up at the monitor, and Cat's over here. And Theo goes, did you get to meet Cosby, man, before all the problem stuff happened? And it is the longest pause in fucking history. Katt Williams looks so high. It's so quiet for so long. Theo eventually turns like, what's going on? You're not speaking. And then Cat Williams just goes, is one of the problems the ra.

[Tom Segura]

Is this it? Is this the clip?

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Bill Cosby.

[Christina P.]

You ever get to meet him or not? Before he had all the problems?

[Joe De Rosa]

Problems.

[Christina P.]

Look how long this.

[Joe De Rosa]

Like, problems is.

[Tom Segura]

Being just one of the problems.

[Christina P.]

My favorite is when Theo goes like this.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He's like, what did I do?

[Joe De Rosa]

Problems, you know, that's like a DUI is like a problem.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

Drugging and multiple people.

[Tom Segura]

No, like 50. Yeah, yeah.

[Christina P.]

When they can fill an entire magazine cover with all the women. That's a guy that's Jesus Christ.

[Tom Segura]

People always bring about. They always brought up. They're like, you know, he could have. He was a very famous, very wealthy guy. He could have just had slept with women. Right? Consensually.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah, but that's not the fun.

[Tom Segura]

Well, that's the thing, is that. That's not what he's into.

[Christina P.]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

What he's into is. Yeah, like, drugging and raping people.

[Christina P.]

Well, I. I said the same thing. I was like, you're so rich. You could. You could meet a woman. You could say, you're gonna sign this NDA consensually, obviously. But here's what I do.

[Joe De Rosa]

Oh, yeah.

[Christina P.]

You're gonna come in and pretend we're doing a job interview. I'm gonna literally drug you, and I'm gonna have sex with you. He could have done all that legally, but it's what you just said.

[Tom Segura]

I like that face. That's fucking fantastic.

[Christina P.]

They get off on the. On the illegal. Well, you know what I mean?

[Tom Segura]

Whatever you call it. Yeah. The rush of the evil is like, is that I got you here, I gave you a drink, and you passed out, and then I can twiddle and diddle.

[Christina P.]

Would you guys have gone? Because he said he was going to tour and he never did. Would you have gone? I would have been there 100.

[Tom Segura]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, you would have been.

[Joe De Rosa]

I don't want to give the guy another dime. I feel like I already gave him my childhood. Yeah. And then he disappointed me. I'm done. I'm tapped out of listening to this maniac.

[Tom Segura]

The best thing ever, like, this is a true psychopath move, is when he was on trial, he was walking to the courthouse, and there's cameras there. And as he's walking, he goes, yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

He does the thing. Can you find that clip?

[Tom Segura]

It is unbelievable, dude. And you're like, you are. You're walking into a courthouse right now for a. Well, assault charge. And you're like, oh, that. This is a different one. But this is all he does. Hey, hey, hey. On the way out of there, I remember.

[Joe De Rosa]

But who's more up him for doing the Fat Albert, hey, hey, hey. Or the people screaming, we love you, Bill.

[Tom Segura]

Well, that happens in celebrity culture now. There's people that rejoiced, like, with baby oil in the streets when. When Diddy wasn't convicted of the higher charge.

[Christina P.]

I don't agree. I don't agree, obviously, with the people that were rejoicing or supporting the Diddy, period. I can at least understand, though, like, okay, you could be so not well. Read, I guess, to a point that you could actually think that, or you must be in such denial. You could actually want to support this guy. I don't agree with it, but I can kind of understand it. When it started to get into them condemning and chastising the woman, I was like, guys, this is insane. Like, what is the fuck is the matter with everybody? It's so crazy. The. They said, I met a guy that was. That worked at the jail that he was in because it was in Philly in Pennsylvania. And I was like, what was he like? And he was like. He ever. Everybody loved him. He taught. He, like, taught, like, classes and. And he had a really nice time.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I believe, like, he never.

[Christina P.]

That's the sociopath part. He never dropped the Cosby.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

There was never. The part where he was like, I up or whatever. He keeps up this thing of, like, being like, America's dad.

[Tom Segura]

Well, it' deep rooted in somebody at that point. Right. Because he's also. When this is happening, he's like 80. So he's been. He's had that facade for, like, 60 years.

[Joe De Rosa]

There is no real self. There's no indication.

[Tom Segura]

Is this it? Is this the clip? Watch this. He's walking into court. It's so crazy, dude. You're going into court for a really serious charge and you're like.

[Joe De Rosa]

This is so what do you think?

[Christina P.]

I mean.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, my point is, it's, like, fun. It's fun.

[Christina P.]

Like, I have. I have. Okay, I have water damage in my condo right now from a leak. The progressive inspector came out yesterday, and I was, like, crumbled on the floor in the corner. He was not gonna. He was not gonna assess the damage, probably. And I wasn't gonna get the money I needed.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Christina P.]

It was like, I don't. What. Where are you. That you could be facing this and going in. That's what I'm saying with the Russell Brand thing. It's like to be facing these charges and me like, I'm still gonna go do my fucking podcast. He can.

[Tom Segura]

He could. He's able to. To do the separation so effortlessly. Like, this is not happening. I'm. I'm this guy, you know? I mean, he can compartmentalize it so elegantly at such a high level because he's done it for so long. Like, he's done it for so long.

[Joe De Rosa]

Well, do you also. I think you. I think you're right, especially as you scored high on your psychopathy, on your personality assessment. I understand that you understand, but also, don't you think it Also has something to do with being a celebrity and having that sense of, like, I'm better than everybody and everyone loves me and worships me.

[Tom Segura]

And there's your narcissism right there.

[Joe De Rosa]

And money, Russell Brand and both Cosby, they got cash, you know, like, is that, is that the, the delusion that money insulates you as well from? I, I, it's probably punished, you know.

[Christina P.]

Or like, it's probably some of that. But then I also imagine when you're operating at that level of finance, you're behind doors with a team of people saying, guys, we've seen this a million times. This is what's going to happen. This is the worst case scenario. And they're probably like, if I get a year, I can do it. I'll be fine. They'll protect me. I'm famous. They'll put me in a corner somewhere and nobody's going to do anything to me. I guess. I don't know. But like, Woody Allen, whether, oh, my God. Whether you think he's innocent or guilty. And he's one of the most polarizing of any of these. But they said when he was doing Bullets Over Broadway, he says it in the documentary. And then people that worked with, he was going through the, with Mia Farrow, and they said he would, like, be on set and like, he would get the call from the lawyer where the call was literally like, we're gonna fucking bury you. We're gonna say that you fucking her, all this shit. And he said he would walk away and just come back 10 minutes later and just be like, all right, where we at? And I was like, shut the movie down. Like, even if you're innocent, shut the fucking movie down. I don't understand. I would be probably coming apart at the scene.

[Tom Segura]

Part of that thinking, to me, when you, when you say that is probably him going, if I'm innocent, shouldn't I keep working? You know what I mean?

[Joe De Rosa]

He knows how to go ahead. Like, nothing. Tom gets it.

[Christina P.]

That's right. We know. Yeah, we know how Tom's gonna navigate it.

[Joe De Rosa]

Where's my wife? I don't know. I just went on stand up tour.

[Tom Segura]

So if Christina's dead and I did it, then I would do this, but I didn't do it, probably. So I should probably keep doing my.

[Joe De Rosa]

Show, keep doing Two Bears.

[Christina P.]

It is, it is a great point. Keep up all facades. If you don't, then, you know, it's.

[Tom Segura]

Either that thinking for him or it's back to the complete ability to compartmentalize where he's like, this is what's happening. But I'm a movie director and I got to do my job.

[Christina P.]

I, I, I also think, I also think it's something, excuse me. It's something in your wiring that is also the thing that allows you to hit that level of fame and success. Yeah, there's something in your wiring. There just has to be, there has to be a true thread of narcissism. Like, like a true thread, you know, and it's like that, well, allow somebody to be like, yeah, fuck it, I'm gonna keep working. Like, you know what I mean?

[Tom Segura]

Like, think about like Clinton. Totally shameless, right?

[Christina P.]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Just doesn't even, doesn't register. It's like, I'm the president, dude.

[Joe De Rosa]

Woody Allen married his adopted daughter. How is that even legal?

[Christina P.]

She wasn't his daughter. She was not his adopted daughter. This is where the, it gets murky. He was never married to Mia Farrow. They never lived together. She was Mia Farrow's adopted daughter. Mia Farrow, when soon Yi was 16 or 17, started pushing them to spend time together, meaning her and Woody. Mia Farrow was also at that period, actively introducing Soon Yi as being mentally retarded to people. There's a massive interview. Soon you d. It's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

Why?

[Christina P.]

Why?

[Joe De Rosa]

Why?

[Christina P.]

Apparently Mia Farrow is a fucking monster and other kids have come out. See, Ronan's the one that gets all the big press because he's the writer.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

There's another brother in the family who is a lawyer who has come out and said, my brother has been indoctrinated by my crazy mother. My crazy, My mother was a fucking cult leader. She was abusive to all of us. My, my father, Woody Allen did not do anything. Now, now, questionable as it may be to marry your ex girlfriend's daughter. Yeah, that's weird. I get, I'm not, I'm not arguing that.

[Joe De Rosa]

But it's gross.

[Christina P.]

It's. Yeah, it's a little gross. Yeah, it's, I don't mean little, like only a little.

[Joe De Rosa]

It's a little problem.

[Christina P.]

It's a little problem.

[Tom Segura]

A guy can't be gross now.

[Joe De Rosa]

Good for him.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

But like, there's a lot. Here's another interesting thing about Mia Farrow.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Staunch supporter of Roman Polanski, who is a convicted.

[Tom Segura]

That's. That one has always, always stuck with me the most. And the reason it sticks with me the most is that he is other level talent. This guy is an incredible direct. Like, he really does make. Right. So you, you have to like it. It always affects the way People respond to things.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Is your level of talent, like what? You know, you're. If he was like Roman the baker, you know, people wouldn't be like, you don't understand.

[Christina P.]

No, no.

[Tom Segura]

Very talented guy. And if you get into the details of this story, I've read about it, I've watched documentaries on it. It's like, you know, he. There's no, there's no disputing certain facts. Right. He slept with a 13 year old girl in a hot tub after giving her champagne. Yeah. And. And like she's 13 and by the.

[Christina P.]

Way, in Jack Nicholson's hot tub.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Can you imagine? Dude, you know my Joey Roses sandwich.

[Tom Segura]

Shop, which I want to ask you about.

[Christina P.]

But. But if I see a review where somebody's like, the sandwich took 30 minutes with my stomach's on the ground. Can you imagine? You get a call from your friend, he goes, I just a 13 year old in your pool at your place. And you're just like, what the did you just do?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christina P.]

What? It's insane. Anyway, sorry, I didn't mean that.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, no. It's a. It's a really crazy call to get. Jack, it's Roman. I gotta tell you, he's like, wait, is everything okay? Yeah, everything's fine here. And I didn't burn the place down. I did do a little bit of a naughty thing, though.

[Christina P.]

Also, good news. I just sold my old murder house to the full house guy.

[Tom Segura]

This. But here's. This is what's crazy about this story. First of all, that you can bring it up. And some people go like, you're still fucking talking. Like, can you let the guy go? He's like, wait, what? So what happened was he. He does get convicted of this.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And the judge, the judge at the time tells him that he is. Look, it says here, under the plea agreement the court ordered plans to report to a state prison for a 90 day psychiatric evaluation. Granted him a stay to allow him to complete his current project. Under the terms of the court traveled to complete filming. While in Europe for filming, he was photographed with his arms around multiple young girls, beer, whatever. He subsequently ordered return to California begin his December evaluation. Was released after 42 of the 90 scheduled days. The lawyers for Polanski expected that Polanski would receive probation. At the subsequent sentence hearing. With the probation officer examining psychiatrists and all the victims all recommending against prison time. Okay. During this time, Pileski lost his job as a director.

[Christina P.]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

The attorneys said that the presiding judge written band suggested to them that he would send the director to prison and order him deported. According to this documentary which I watched. It's a good one.

[Christina P.]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Wanted and desired. Los Angeles deputy district attorney showed written band the photographs of Polanski partying in Munich with young girls and said Polanski was being cavaliered about the charges involving the 13 year old girl. This would constitute an ex part communication. And he was tech. He was technically a lawyer for one of the parties involved due to the work in the state of California. Polanski then became a fugitive from justice because this judge was going to sentence him more harshly than they had been led to believe.

[Christina P.]

See, now that's interesting because I've heard people say, well, like it or not, Polanski did his time and now he's. He didn't though.

[Tom Segura]

He fled. He fled?

[Christina P.]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

He was a fugitive and France was like, what'd you do, a kid come here, don't care? So. So he fled in 1978 where he maintained a residence. Yeah. Went to London.

[Joe De Rosa]

Oh. He had citizenship in France. That's interesting.

[Tom Segura]

Thus avoiding the possible extradition to the United States by the United Kingdom. So the, the, the thing here is that the reason he fled was because they got word that the judge was like, everybody was like, oh, he's just gonna get probation, so everything's gonna be like, okay.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And when the judge was like, oh, I see the photos. This guy's being a dipshit about this. We're actually, I'm gonna sentence him to prison. They were like, oh, then we're actually gonna leave. I'm gonna flee.

[Christina P.]

Right?

[Tom Segura]

So he, the guy never faced justice, didn't face his sentence, and they, their whole thing is like, yeah, but the judge said he was going to do this, and it turns out he was actually. Yeah, but like, that's, that's what, that's the price you got to pay, right?

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah. They change their mind. Judges change their minds. It's fine.

[Christina P.]

I'll tell you what's wild to these sex crime celebrities.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

They're outdoing each other in the same way that, like, content creators are outdoing each other. You know what I mean? Like, it keeps getting bigger and bigger. But look, Polanski, this is an insane story. It's insane.

[Tom Segura]

It's an insane story.

[Christina P.]

Right? Then you get to Weinstein and you're like, that's a wild one. Wow, that's really fucked up. Then Cosby and you're like, holy shit. I didn't think I'd see a guy that blows Weinstein out of the water. Now Diddy.

[Joe De Rosa]

I know.

[Christina P.]

Diddy's is like a global.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Conspiracy. I'm like, what the fuck with these guys, Joe?

[Joe De Rosa]

You forget that like Weinstein, Cosby, these guys were doing this shit in 1960 something. Cosby starts doing this shit. Right. Or the 70s. So it's been going on forever. It's just now because of the MeToo movement or whatever, people are talking. If you look at, there's some documentary about Marilyn Monroe, I mean, she had to sleep her way into getting roles and both the Kennedy brothers were banging her when she died. And you know, there's. It's always been Creeperama.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

People in power can be creeps.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

It's just now we're, I think, finally hearing about it now it's considered like, oh, yeah, that's bad.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. When that's doing that started, it was like everybody was like, that's just how things work. Right. Yeah, right. But I mean, the, the Polanski one has always stood out to me. Mostly because there's, there's kind of a universal thing that most people have where, where you go, someone's underage. It's just we don't, we don't pardon it. We don't go like. Yeah. You know, I get like a 13 year old, you go like, no, like, you're. You're fucked, dude.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You're a piece of shit.

[Christina P.]

And by the way, you're way under. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

This isn't 17.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christina P.]

It's not like, guys, she was 16. I'm sorry, I thought she was 18. It's like, no, dude, she's 13. You're way under. Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

Didn't Sinatra have sex with Mia Farrow when she was a teenager as well? Or Mia Farrow loses her virginity to Frank Sinatra or something.

[Christina P.]

They were married and she was a minor. No, I don't think she was. Well, she was 19.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

No, so she wasn't a minor. But.

[Tom Segura]

But that's, that's serious. He was swag. Dude. He was 50, she was 19.

[Christina P.]

But I'll also say this about Sinatra.

[Tom Segura]

Huge.

[Christina P.]

That's. As a, as an almost 50 year old man, I don't think I would ever date a 19 year old.

[Tom Segura]

Why?

[Christina P.]

I. I just. What the do you talk about? You know, I don't even know.

[Tom Segura]

Cartoons, things you're into music, her baba.

[Christina P.]

No, I don't. You know what I mean? But I will say this about Sinatra. He was married many times and that's the only time he married a woman that young. If every time he married somebody, it Was that young. That's when I would start to be like, what are you doing? What are you doing when you're not marrying them.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

You know what I mean?

[Joe De Rosa]

But this always existed with child brides and mackenzie.

[Christina P.]

I'm sorry.

[Joe De Rosa]

No, no, I'm just thinking back to my time. Like I was getting into goth clubs when I was 14.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

With a bullshit fake ID I had to be 18. Like no one cares.

[Christina P.]

Oh, when I was. Then when I was coming up in the. I guess. I guess I'm more a child of the 90s and the 80s because. Because high school, eighth grade and high school was the 90s.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah. But 94. I graduated high school when I was, when I was.

[Christina P.]

It was like not, it was not that weird. Like if a 22 year old dude was dating a 16 year old girl. Like nobody was like right on.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

But none of the parents weren't like, no, no, no, no, no. It was kind of just like, okay, I guess. Isn't she kind of young?

[Tom Segura]

Like the thing about Polanski you keep going back to is like he's 43. Yeah, he's 43. Dude.

[Christina P.]

The.

[Tom Segura]

He's 43 and she's 13.

[Joe De Rosa]

So he's a pedio file for sure.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, buddy Pedio.

[Christina P.]

He.

[Tom Segura]

Great movies.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And her. By the way, this is. We all got onto this because of Mia Farrow. The. Her brother is a convicted and jailed.

[Tom Segura]

Mia's.

[Christina P.]

No, there's so much about Mia Farrow that gets left out of that discussion that nobody brings up. And it, it starts to. And again, I don't know if the guy's guilty or I wouldn't fucking there. But it's like it, it definitely muddies the waters of the conversation.

[Joe De Rosa]

Well, especially if you know she's a victim of something too. You don't know what kind of thing she grew up in. She could have been groomed from very early age and not see a problem with doing certain things.

[Christina P.]

Or in Woody Allen's biography, let's see.

[Tom Segura]

This cool guy's face. What's a.

[Christina P.]

He has an autobiography that he read that he reads. I have the audiobook of it. And throughout the book, because he talks about how Mia Farrow said that I raped Sunyi, she said that she was retarded. So throughout the book he'll go. People say like, what is it? How does your marriage work? And I say communication. For instance, I'll say to my wife, Soon Yi, as a retarded person.

[Tom Segura]

Really.

[Christina P.]

What are your thoughts on the economy? It's really funny. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Anyway, that's very funny.

[Christina P.]

Well, what else we got? We got. We covered Hitler.

[Joe De Rosa]

I know, I love it. What a good day.

[Tom Segura]

Here's a fun one.

[Christina P.]

I'm having a great time.

[Tom Segura]

This is fun. Check this out. So this lady is a news anchor. See the area she's in? This is from Albany, New York. She claimed that during this shift to do the news, she had sleep deprivation and exhaustion. You tell me what you think was going on.

[Christina P.]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

All right.

[Christina P.]

So.

[Joe De Rosa]

Well, hello.

[Tom Segura]

Good afternoon.

[Joe De Rosa]

Like I was telling you this morning.

[Tom Segura]

If you watched us this morning, starting at 6:00am, 7:00am I told you. You know what? Today, what if. Beautiful day outside.

[Joe De Rosa]

It is just amazing. You know, the exhibit is open until.

[Tom Segura]

August, so you can still check that out.

[Joe De Rosa]

Discover Schenectady. You should really check that out. They made so many good things.

[Tom Segura]

The leaders there. Moving on tonight is, we have to.

[Joe De Rosa]

Tell you also, you know, like in.

[Tom Segura]

The area and across the.

[Joe De Rosa]

You know, the area in the nation. I love her.

[Christina P.]

Let me tell you about this.

[Joe De Rosa]

A four year old girl is actually dead.

[Tom Segura]

Another man is clinging to life. She's actually dead.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

Keep her employed. I hope she does the. I hope she does it this way every day.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, the hair. The hair.

[Christina P.]

I know, this is what I love and I don't mean to be shitty, but it's like, lady, you already got a trailer trash aesthetic going on.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

You're lucky to be on TV. She's coming in out 6am news. This is not the 5 o'. Clock.

[Tom Segura]

He's up at 3am You've been watching us since this morning and we are just lucky.

[Joe De Rosa]

This weekend right here is so amazing. Meteorologist Craig Adams is right here with your. I'm sorry, Craig Adams? Why did I say that? And of course, just like me, meteorologist Craig Gold is working a double shift. All right. You know, tonight for some more Saturday baseball. The New York Mets back in action. In New York series against her National League rival Miami Marlins. You know how much we love, you know, the Mets.

[Christina P.]

Is there any video of her outside of this where she's not hammered? For sure. For sure. I would love to see.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah, that's like Ron Burgundy.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, that. Yes. That's per.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's That's a joke. The microphone part.

[Christina P.]

Oh, my God, these guys are gonna love this.

[Joe De Rosa]

You know, my favorite people.

[Tom Segura]

Five people died here. This is her not hammered.

[Joe De Rosa]

President Donald Trump and his newly picked running mate, Very Tan of Ohio, campaigned in the key election state of Michigan today. It was Trump's first rally since last Saturday's event. In Pennsylvania that turned tragic with an attempt on his life. TBS's Kelly Vaughn reports.

[Tom Segura]

There you go.

[Christina P.]

I mean, she's spot on here.

[Joe De Rosa]

Why did I say that?

[Tom Segura]

President.

[Joe De Rosa]

You should really check that out.

[Christina P.]

She was, she was spot on there. She was great there.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Maybe she was sleep. She said she's working a double. Maybe. Is there a chance like she was.

[Tom Segura]

I guess. But I mean, there's something else. Is there? Right? Like something.

[Christina P.]

Maybe an Ambien. I think an Ambien tried to sleep for three hours and then because there's.

[Tom Segura]

A four year old, she's actually dead. It's crazy that people kill people.

[Joe De Rosa]

Reminds me of Maria, your sister.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Oh, my God, you guys, this news today is crazy. Yeah. Everything's so crazy in the world. It's like up. That's why I don't watch this. But I'll tell you what's going on. That's totally how she would do the news.

[Joe De Rosa]

I know. Yes, yes. Seriously, I'm just so.

[Christina P.]

Jay, this sounds to me, this news lady, when she said the thing about the double, I feel like that's like, can you believe they're making us work a fucking double? But we're drinking.

[Joe De Rosa]

We're drinking.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, fuck them. We're drinking.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's what it is.

[Christina P.]

And it got away from her.

[Tom Segura]

Wait, I want to ask you this before, just for people know. Where did you shoot? I never promised you a rose garden. The new special.

[Christina P.]

So I live between here and Pennsylvania, and there's a small town in Pennsylvania called Phoenixville, and it's right next to the town I grew up in. I really love Phoenixville quite a bit. And there's a historic theater there called the Colonial Theater. It's where they shot the. If you ever saw the Blob, the one from the 50s, the scenes in the movie theater and then the scenes where they're all running out of the movie theater because the Blob attacks. That was all shot at this theater in Phoenixville. So it's a historic landmark. And I shot the special in one of the rooms in Phoenixville. So I basically got to shoot a special in my hometown.

[Tom Segura]

That's very cool.

[Christina P.]

And it was very, very cool. The aesthetic of the place really, it made matched the aesthetic we were going for in the special because it's a very. I keep calling it a hopeless comedy special. Like, it's, it's, it's, it's all. It's all funny and it's all very casual, but it's very negative. There's just zero hope in the whole thing, just about, it's about. We're done. We've declined. It's never going to.

[Tom Segura]

It's over.

[Christina P.]

It's over. So, yeah, it was fun.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, doesn't this feel like, I mean, first of all, congrats on that. Thank you. And if you want to watch it, you got to go to Joe's YouTube channel to. I never promised you a rose garden. Also, again, check them out. Live Tickets [e-mail] and the channel's at Joe Derosa Comedy. But it does kind of feel like this is the end of an empire, doesn't it? Like the whole. Feels like everything's tipped.

[Christina P.]

I, I, yeah, I, I've, I've never felt. I mean, I'm, I know. I'm, I get it. I have certain fantasies I go to when I feel a little hopeless. One of them, like when I start getting in the existential crisis place, I have certain fantasies that I have that I go to, and they're by degree of how bad things are. So my low level one is Best Buy. I think about, I think about leaving everything and working at Best Buy. Because my theory is, is you never go into Best Buy mad. You're going in to buy a TV or a computer or an Xbox. Yeah, everybody in there is in a good mood. I'm like, wouldn't it be nice just to talk to a guy about cables? Just what, what kind of cable do you need, sir? You're looking for a charger. Whatever. It's so, so that's my, that's my low level one. My high level one is emptying out my bank account and buying the nicest RV I can buy. And just. That's it.

[Tom Segura]

I kind of like that. I'm just done, you know, like that one.

[Christina P.]

And I'm having that one a lot lately.

[Tom Segura]

That's a good, that's the one I would act on.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's a good one.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

I mean, because you could live out.

[Joe De Rosa]

The rest of your days that way if you pick the right country to live in.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Wouldn't you just take that thing, just go out west, you know what I mean? Like to the, to the Pacific Northwest somewhere.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, I'd go, I'd spend a lot of time up there. I'd go to Utah. I'd go to. I drove across. I bought, I have a Ford Bronco and I bought it. I actually was in LA just for work. And when I was there, I saw the. It was because it was right after Covid. You couldn't get them.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

It was like my dream.

[Tom Segura]

I was like, I want the new one.

[Christina P.]

Fucking Broncos. Yeah. And I saw one all black, black. Tinted windows, black rim. I was like, that's the fucking car. I want it.

[Tom Segura]

Murder.

[Christina P.]

This place had it and I bought it. And I was like, well, I got to get it back to New York, where I live. So I drove it, and I had nothing but time. So, dude, I. I took three weeks to drive across the country. I kept stopping. I was zigzagging. It was one of the best experiences of my entire life.

[Tom Segura]

That's so cool.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's nice.

[Tom Segura]

That's so cool.

[Christina P.]

It was amazing. I was at utter peace out there. The second I drove through the Lincoln Tunnel, I wanted to kill myself again. And it was all just. It was just back to the shit. But, yeah, that. Those areas, when you get out into those mountains, you know, it was amazing. And people are like, did you. Did you take a lot of pictures? I'm like, no, I didn't. And why? You saw this beautiful stuff. And I. I had this thing that. While I was out there, not to get corny, but I had this thing while I was out there where I was like, you don't take pictures of the God moments. You take pictures of the people moments. If I meet you guys in a bar and I'm traveling and we're strangers and we start having drinks, and all of a sudden I'm like, I met these two really cool people that I never would. That's what you. We take a selfie. Remember those two people? They were cool.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

What you don't do is take a picture when you're standing on the edge of a canyon.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And your iPhone is not capturing this.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Christina P.]

So just take it in. Take in the God moment and just go, I saw that. It's somewhere in here.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

You know, it was such a great experience, man. I. I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

I haven't done a road trip in so long now. Like, it's been so long.

[Christina P.]

They're tough to do. You know, it's. You got to make sure everything back home is.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

You know, taken care of, which is a lot. Especially you guys, kids and stuff. You know, like, that's a lot. And then, you know, to be able to do it, it's. They're hard to do. Because the ultimate goal with a road trip is. Is you want it to be open ended.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

You want it to be where there is no trajectory or whatever. And you can end up anywhere at any point, any time, like on a whim. But that's hard to do the older you get, you know, you're like, no, we have. We have a two week window, you know. Yeah. So. But anyway, the RV fantasy is, is I start having that when I really feel like society. I'm just. I don't understand what's going on anymore. And the more I. AI. It's freaking me out. I don't know, I just don't feel comfortable.

[Tom Segura]

I think it's normal. Like, it's healthy to be apprehensive about it.

[Joe De Rosa]

Oh, there you are.

[Christina P.]

Is that AI?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's horrible.

[Christina P.]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, there you are.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's perfect.

[Christina P.]

Oh, my God. Please send me that.

[Tom Segura]

This is your fantasy.

[Joe De Rosa]

You look so.

[Tom Segura]

Isn't it cool to see your fantasy?

[Christina P.]

I would love this. Look how much happier you look.

[Tom Segura]

So thrilled to be working there.

[Joe De Rosa]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

So you're buying a tv, huh? Yeah.

[Christina P.]

What do you want that for? To watch the news, you fucking idiot.

[Tom Segura]

Do you know Jeff Tate, the comedian? Jeff. So funny. He has a bit about having worked at Best Buy. It is so funny. And the bit which I'm sorry to butcher, but is that when you work there, they. There's like a bible under the registers for the. You know, the different stations that tell you. There's Jeff Tate.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Tells you the lowest price. You can actually sell something for that. Like, customers don't know. So when. Sometimes he would, like, people would be like, oh, I want, you know, I like this TV. But it's 1100. You know, what if you guys could do it for like 900? And then Jeff would go, what about 700? And they would be like, wait, what? He's like, 650, best I can do. And they're like, sure. So he would start giving people deals because be like, fuck, Best Buy.

[Christina P.]

So you can barter at Best Buy.

[Tom Segura]

I guess that's what. Yeah. But people don't know.

[Christina P.]

So that must be because, you know, they honor the price match.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

So they must know what the. What the price match is. Okay. Lowest pricing of this for is Amazon for this much. And then. But they make you say it and prove it. Yeah. Because you. I always have to show them on my phone. This is being sold by Amazon.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

$300 cheaper or whatever.

[Tom Segura]

And then they'll match it.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. And they're like, okay, you know, that's.

[Tom Segura]

Crazy that they do. Yeah. But his bit about it is so fucking hilarious.

[Christina P.]

That's fucking wild. Yeah, Jeff's funny. Where does Jeff live now?

[Tom Segura]

Now he lives in Portland.

[Christina P.]

Nice.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Portland, Oregon. But yeah, I'm with him on the road all the time.

[Christina P.]

Oh, that's great.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's great. Can you really haggle it Best Buy? Yes. Is this from his bit or is this. What is this? No, I just Google negotiating a Best Buy first. When you go shopping towards the end of the month, Best Buy gives it floor managers sales goals, and they really wanted to hit them. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

That is wild. How new is this article? No date.

[Tom Segura]

But the thing is, the main thing you have to do is ask, right? You have to ask. You got any wiggle room on that? You just ask.

[Christina P.]

I just never would have imagined in a corporate store you could do that.

[Tom Segura]

It's a. It's a revelation, man. But my mom, who's a Peruvian, goes into, like, department stores, and she's like, how about 50? I'm like, mom, this is Bloomingdale's. Like, they're not gonna do they do it? No, of course. They're like, crazy lady. Can't negotiate here.

[Christina P.]

This is insane.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that.

[Christina P.]

That's a thing.

[Tom Segura]

That's a real thing.

[Christina P.]

Holy shit.

[Tom Segura]

All right, let me show you these real quick before we. We. You just tell me whether this falls under horrible or hilarious to you. Okay.

[Joe De Rosa]

So far, I like it. It's a pallet jack.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Still looking at your phone.

[Joe De Rosa]

Not how you do that, sir.

[Tom Segura]

Should be looking up, sir.

[Christina P.]

Oh, Jesus Christ. I'm going to go hilarious on that one.

[Tom Segura]

You know why? It's because it's the angle. So we just see somebody go down and we don't see the aftermath and the broken bones and the screaming and everything.

[Christina P.]

That. It could get funnier.

[Tom Segura]

It could get funnier.

[Joe De Rosa]

I like the audio on this.

[Tom Segura]

I know the audio would be great. The audio really would be great.

[Christina P.]

I mean, it's just insane. What is? All right. I won't go down that road.

[Joe De Rosa]

Just like, what's going on? So my father had a forklift business for, like, his whole life, and he would teach forklift safety to people. And he's like, you'd be so surprised how stupid people are. They're getting drunk operating forklifts, operating this stuff. It happens a lot. People get hurt a lot.

[Tom Segura]

The drunks especially.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah. Because a lot of these guys are drunks.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's.

[Joe De Rosa]

I don't know. I mean, back in my dad's day, they were drinking because he worked with, like, Romanians and, you know, Eastern Europeans also.

[Christina P.]

The cost. Excuse me. The cost of up. The cost of the upkeep of thorough training is fucking impossible. It's so hard.

[Tom Segura]

So operate a business like the way you're supposed to. It is so expensive.

[Christina P.]

So much.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, Especially that stuff.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's like warehouse equipment.

[Tom Segura]

He's fucked. That guy is mega fucked.

[Christina P.]

What was he. That thing he was dragging looked heavy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Check this out. So this is at an intersection and you see the guy in the bucket, he's working on the.

[Joe De Rosa]

Oh, I hate this. I would never do this job. I'm so afraid of this.

[Tom Segura]

The music's great and the truck just.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's up. That's not cool.

[Christina P.]

That's horrible.

[Tom Segura]

It's pretty horrible. Luckily, though, the guy in there. This is a great lesson. Is wearing his harness.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So that's why he doesn't fall out and die. Yeah, yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

He took his safety training.

[Tom Segura]

He took his safety training because probably. It's probably state funded safety training.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Instead of privately.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, no, exactly. Now does the truck stop.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Christina P.]

Does it not even know it hit him?

[Tom Segura]

I don't think it knows for a second, but yeah. I don't know if it stopped or not. Or kept going.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. That's horrible. Not his fault.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, not his fault.

[Christina P.]

This is gonna be good.

[Tom Segura]

Joe De Rosa. De Rosa Sandwiches.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's your sandwich.

[Tom Segura]

Oh.

[Joe De Rosa]

Oh, you're laughing.

[Tom Segura]

Can I tell you something? There is nothing worse than being fat and getting in an accident while eating. Even if it's not your fault, it's the worst fucking imaginable thing that happens to a fat guy. Every time I've ever been eating and fat in a car, you're just like, I hope no one sees me. I hope nothing bad. Like your nightmare is this. This is the worst. He's like. Like he's choking and he's like, I'm fat, I'm fucking eating.

[Christina P.]

And creamy food makes it worse.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. The fact that it's creamy, it's covered in mayo and.

[Christina P.]

And I can't tell if that's an eclair or a chicken salad. I don't know what the.

[Joe De Rosa]

What kind of sandy is it?

[Christina P.]

I think it's.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah, the squish out. It's like a chicken.

[Christina P.]

Oh, you dropped some on his stomach.

[Tom Segura]

Oh. And right now he's going, do I keep eating? Do I spit this out?

[Joe De Rosa]

And he's mad that he dropped a sandwich.

[Tom Segura]

Of course he's mad. He's like, fuck, that was a good one too. His next thought is like, as soon as this gets resolved, I'm going to get another sandwich.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

The spill on the belly right before it happens. Because the spill makes him look down.

[Tom Segura]

And not see that guy hit him full speed, man. Yeah, that was gnarly.

[Joe De Rosa]

This is a job because it's a dashboard cam facing him, right? So this is his means of employment. So his boss is gonna be like, you fat. You were eating again.

[Tom Segura]

Now.

[Joe De Rosa]

Told you not to eat in my car.

[Tom Segura]

I gotta tell you something, because I don't know. We have discussed this. You're the only one that leaves crumbs in here. Jimmy, I love sandwiches.

[Christina P.]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

And I. And you have a sandwich place.

[Christina P.]

I do.

[Tom Segura]

I've never been to it. Cool, thank you.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's a New York sandwich place.

[Tom Segura]

No, I want to go. Awesome. Tell me what is, like, what are the. What are the. Because I've actually asked. I'm like, I know Derosa's got a sandwich and that. People have told me. They're like, oh, it's really good.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, it's. We're very lucky people enjoy the sandwiches as much as we hope they would. It's called Joey Roses. It's on Rivington Street, 174 Rivington, IN the lower east side neighborhood of New York City. And yeah, it's. We. You know, it just was kind of born out of the idea that I just kind of hit up. Well, I started kind of creating a lot of these when I lived in la, and it was kind of hard to find east coast style sandwiches out there. And then I started writing the recipes down. Then I felt like I was on to a few things and. But the reason we opened the shop was I was frustrated with New York. I was tired of not being able to find these east coast style sandwiches easily. And then when you did find them, they were like 17, 18, $20. You know, I was like, there's gotta be a better way to do this. And that was the sort of mission statement of the. Of the place. And the comedy community has been incredibly, incredibly supportive. You know, there's a tell and cujine. It came through, and the fans have been coming through. Rogan, bless his heart, man. Like, he's. He's shouted us out so many times. It's really a beautiful thing.

[Tom Segura]

I'm going back in a couple months. I'm definitely gonna go.

[Christina P.]

Please let me know when you're gonna go.

[Tom Segura]

I'd love to. I'd love to. I love. I mean, I love, like, the descript. Like, I love these style sandwiches, man.

[Christina P.]

The craziest person that came was, so I was at Mothership one night, and Bradley Cooper was there, and I was talking to Bradley Cooper about his cheesesteak place, because he has a cheesesteak place in New York. And I was like, hey, dude, we're both from Philly. I actually want to talk to you about your cheesesteaks. And he's like, oh, right on, dude. So we started talking, and I was like, yeah, I have a sandwich place. I go, I'm doing the opposite. We just do cold sandwiches. He's like, no way. We talked for, like, an hour about sandwiches. And I was like, what made you do cheese steaks? And he's like, I couldn't find him in la, so I started making them myself.

[Joe De Rosa]

I'm like, dude, that's what I did.

[Christina P.]

So there was all this weird, like, kinship in this, in the backstory. And then he gave me his number, and he's like, I want to come by sometime. And I'm like, cool. And the next day, I'll never forget this. I was sitting across the room from my phone, and I was like, I want to text Bradley Cooper and say, hi. It was nice to meet you, you know?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And I felt like I was like, don't do that. Yeah. I was like. I was so in my head about it. And I went and looked at my phone, and he texted me and he goes, bro, I just got off the plane. I'm headed to your shop. Tell me what to get right now. And I was like. And he got, like, four sandwiches, insisted on paying, which I thought was really cool of him.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

I was like, dude, we'll hook you up. He's like, fuck that, dude. Come on. And then he FaceTimed me from his car.

[Tom Segura]

Eating the sandwich, eating it.

[Christina P.]

And he goes, fucking sick, bro. It was nuts. That was so cool, man.

[Tom Segura]

That's awesome.

[Christina P.]

He's the man. But, yeah, the entertainment community, fans and performers alike, have been so supportive.

[Tom Segura]

I gotta say, looking at that and thinking about New York. They're 10 bucks. This is 10 bucks for all.

[Christina P.]

They're 10 bucks now. Yeah. I will admit that, you know, despite what our original mission statement was, it's getting harder and harder. These. These eight are ten. These were eight when we opened.

[Tom Segura]

Jesus, man.

[Christina P.]

We had to up them to 10. That's why it's called the hard eight. It was eight sandwiches. How long is it bucks a piece? Two years? Maybe you can.

[Tom Segura]

You can raise the price.

[Christina P.]

We have specialty sandwiches that go up to 16.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that makes sense, but I can't.

[Christina P.]

And I'm not trying to martyr myself or sound like a great guy or what, you know, I'm truly not. Like, it kills me that we have to go as high as even. I guess these are 14 to go as high as even. 14. Like, it bothers me, man, but.

[Tom Segura]

I know, but that's. Look, that's still a really great price point, especially in Manhattan. That's nuts.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's fucking.

[Tom Segura]

We were just in la, and I went to this, to this gym.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then I was like, oh, after the workout, they're like, oh, there's a place over there. I was gonna. Like, I always wanted something like, oh, they have protein shakes. Like, yeah, they have smoothies. Protein shakes. And one of the guys was, like, kind of expensive, and I just, like, clocked it. And I was like, all right. I go over there, I get a. Just. Hey, can I get the super protein smoothie, $23. I was like, what? And he's like. I go for one. He's like, oh, yeah, yeah. Like, it's 23 bucks for this smoothie.

[Christina P.]

That's fucking crazy.

[Joe De Rosa]

So dumb crazy. But Angelinos have a different name scale of, like.

[Tom Segura]

But so does. I mean, Manhattan.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's crazy.

[Christina P.]

Manhattan is getting crazy now. Look, here's the thing. There's, there's, there's the, the required. Higher pricing because it's like we have to keep our lights on.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And then there's the people that are like, you know, we can get away with a lot more than what we're trying.

[Tom Segura]

Right, Right.

[Christina P.]

And those people. Yeah. Yeah, fuck those people. And, you know, I won't name names, but, you know, there are a few delis. Well, there's one in particular.

[Joe De Rosa]

Okay.

[Christina P.]

In New York, they gouge people at this point, it's like, I think it's $26 a sandwich.

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Christina P.]

Bring up old.

[Joe De Rosa]

Don't you dare give them publicity.

[Christina P.]

I know. Can you bleep what I'm. Yeah, yeah, there it is.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Christina P.]

I won't say the name. Let's see what the price on that sandwich is right now. 28.

[Joe De Rosa]

95 for a pastrami.

[Tom Segura]

30 bucks.

[Christina P.]

28.95. And guess what? Well, I can say whatever because I'm not saying their name. They don't even fucking make it in house.

[Tom Segura]

They don't make it in house.

[Christina P.]

No, I, I, I met these guys that worked at a firehouse, and they were like, dude, you should come down on Thursday night to the firehouse. I was like, why? It's a weird invite, you know? And they were like, we got the guy that makes the pastrami for X. He's bringing, he's bringing us that pastrami. And, like, we do a sandwich night. It's awesome. And I go, wait a minute. What do you mean? The guy that makes it? And he goes, yeah, that's who. They get it. I go, they don't even fucking make it there.

[Tom Segura]

It's embarrassing.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's terrible. And you know what? Their matzo ball soup looks like shit. I can tell, right, Josh?

[Christina P.]

Dog shit.

[Joe De Rosa]

Dog shit. No noodles in there.

[Tom Segura]

This is a great.

[Joe De Rosa]

With the ball, Chris.

[Christina P.]

Line out the fucking corner. Line around the fucking.

[Joe De Rosa]

Oh, you're calling me Chris?

[Christina P.]

Yeah, I was calling you Chris.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah, I like that for you.

[Christina P.]

It's gonna be endearing. Yeah. Line around the fucking block for this piece of shit. Yeah. Because everybody's a fucking idiot.

[Joe De Rosa]

Can I tell you something? Can I tell you something? I'm a good judge of food from photos. Being a road dog for so many years, this shit sucks.

[Tom Segura]

These photos are terrible.

[Joe De Rosa]

Your photos of your Sandy's a thousand times better than this dog shit.

[Christina P.]

Look at these lines.

[Joe De Rosa]

Get the out of here.

[Tom Segura]

That's totally why that price goes that way.

[Joe De Rosa]

It's a tourist thing. Is it? Were they in, like.

[Christina P.]

We shot a movie scene here once.

[Joe De Rosa]

Yeah, that's what it is. This is dog.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

You know, it was already an institution, I think, but this really put it.

[Joe De Rosa]

So we need to just film something at your place and then bada bing.

[Christina P.]

We shot a couple things there, but nothing that's reached this.

[Joe De Rosa]

You wait and see. You put it out there.

[Tom Segura]

You gotta put a blowjob there. Let's go to get the BJ there.

[Christina P.]

And let all the magic take.

[Joe De Rosa]

I wish you could send us Sandies, but then they wouldn't be fresh, right?

[Christina P.]

No, we. There's a way to mail them where it's. It's good enough, but it's not ideal. But we did a pop up during south by Southwest here. Yeah. Next time we do it, we'll send you a platter.

[Joe De Rosa]

Please, please.

[Christina P.]

We send them. We sent one to the mothership and then to Esther's Follies. Like we sent them to all the 6th Street.

[Tom Segura]

Hey, we're still here, man. You can send it here next time.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, I will.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Joe De Rosa]

Oh, yours are way better. I can tell already. I love your PB and J with the chips.

[Christina P.]

Thank you.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's brilliant.

[Christina P.]

I was proud of that one.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's brilliant.

[Tom Segura]

I was proud of that one.

[Joe De Rosa]

And that's got to be fresh because you want the crunchiness.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the chips that we hopefully are usually ruffled. Sometimes you can't get ruffled.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That other place, man, that place just.

[Joe De Rosa]

Well, you call me Chris. Forever.

[Christina P.]

I'll call you.

[Joe De Rosa]

Nobody calls me that.

[Christina P.]

I'll call you Chris. Forever.

[Joe De Rosa]

That's only you, though. You're the only person. No one calls me that. That's why I called you that. I don't let them because I. It makes me feel like I'm a lesbian tennis player. So I never do it my whole life. I don't want to be called, but for you, I'll let it happen.

[Tom Segura]

You're not a lesbian.

[Christina P.]

Oh, that is right. Wait, you might have had these. They. Ari got them.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, she wasn't there. I might. I may have. I don't recall, though. I don't think I was. Remember, they were awesome.

[Joe De Rosa]

Diet.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, they're great.

[Christina P.]

Thank you.

[Joe De Rosa]

We're all big fans in here.

[Tom Segura]

All right, look, we have to wrap up. Yeah. Congratulations, Joe. The new special I never promised you a rose garden is on his YouTube channel. Go get tickets to see Joe live at joederosa.com and always good to see you, man.

[Christina P.]

Dude, great to see you guys. I really appreciate you having me on. It's really nice. Anytime.

[Tom Segura]

Anytime. We'll see you guys next week.

[Joe De Rosa]

Bye, mommy.

[Tom Segura]

You're obviously a smart girl. You're attracted to me.

[Joe De Rosa]

I'm attracted to you. You're attracted to me.

[Tom Segura]

You're obviously a smart girl. You're attracted to me.

[Joe De Rosa]

I'm attracted to you. You're attracted to me. Look, man, you're obviously attracted to me.

[Tom Segura]

You're a smart girl.

[Christina P.]

Look, man.

[Joe De Rosa]

You're obviously attracted to me. I'm attracted to you. You're attracted to me.

[Tom Segura]

We could do six or eight. You're obviously a smart girl.

[Joe De Rosa]

You're attracted to me.

[Tom Segura]

We could do six or eight.

[Joe De Rosa]

You're obviously attracted to me.

[Tom Segura]

We could do six or eight. You'RE obviously a smart girl.

[Joe De Rosa]

You're attracted to me.

[Tom Segura]

We could do six or eight.

[Joe De Rosa]

You're obviously attracted to me.

[Christina P.]

We are obviously two catches that have actually come together.

[Joe De Rosa]

We are two catches that have come together. We are two catches that have come together.

[Christina P.]

We are obviously two catches that have actually come together. We are two catches that have come together.

[Tom Segura]

We can do six or eight. We can do six or eight.

[Christina P.]

We are obviously two catches that have actually come together. We are two catches that have come together.

[Joe De Rosa]

Literally, the best hidden kept gem in the city.

[Christina P.]

We are obviously two catches that have actually come together. We are two catches that have come together.

[Tom Segura]

We can do six or eight. We can do six or eight.

[Christina P.]

We are two catches that have come together.

[Joe De Rosa]

We are two catches that have come together.

[Christina P.]

We are two cages that have come together.

[Joe De Rosa]

We are two catches that have come together.