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Louis J. Gomez
Well, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.
Christina Pazit
Welcome to your mom's house. Tim is still in LA filming Bad Thoughts 2, which will tell you a little bit about. I got to do a part on It's Nuts, but with me. We've waited so long to have him on the show. Please put your hands together for Louis J. Gomez.
Louis J. Gomez
Thank you for. For having me here. Yeah. You guys are awesome, man. I've. Honestly, I met you three minutes ago, and I love you already. You have a great energy.
Christina Pazit
Thank you, Louis. Can I tell you why?
Louis J. Gomez
Please.
Christina Pazit
Because you are the creator of Skank Fest.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
And I am the creator of showing videos of guys shitting on French fries and eating it and making it into a podcast. So I feel like you and I are kindred spirits.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. Yeah. I think we're seeing the world from a very similar lens. Yeah. Yeah. And we've had Ari Shafir, who was at Skank Fest two years ago. Now he's in the woods somewhere in, like, the Amazon jungle or whatever. But he actually. On stage.
Christina Pazit
Yes, he.
Louis J. Gomez
No, he did. He did during a Kill Tony thing. It was like, I. I don't even know what was going on. I like. Skank Fest is so. Well, it's all one venue, right? So there's all these rooms, and you pop into different rooms and there's all this happening. And I walked in, I was like, oh, Kill Tony was doing a secret show. I was like, let me go to Kill Tony and see what's going on. I walk in and it was like performance art. Ari was completely naked. He had cardboard on the floor, and he was playing with his own shit while everyone was just like, what the fuck are we watching? I just walked into the room and I was like, okay, I don't want to be here. And I walked straight out. It was.
Christina Pazit
What? Is there footage of this?
Louis J. Gomez
No, no, no, no. He almost got us in a lot of trouble.
Christina Pazit
Why is that illegal?
Louis J. Gomez
I think it's illegal, like, on so many different levels.
Christina Pazit
And where was this?
Louis J. Gomez
That was Las Vegas. We were in New Orleans last year, and we're in New Orleans coming up again in November this year.
Christina Pazit
And I feel like those people would allow public defecation.
Louis J. Gomez
Well, the Skankfest fans loved it, but of course. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, the. The venue owners in Vegas didn't love it.
Christina Pazit
Now, here's the thing I always am curious about. Will you bring up Norm Somerton, the poutine? Sure. The amount. Like, how does one relax enough to take a shit in front of a large group of People because I can't even take a dump with my kids in front of me. Bothering me, like, the stress of it, like, I need full relaxation. IPhone.
Louis J. Gomez
You're a woman. I'm assuming you've never taken a shit, so maybe shut your fucking mouth right now and stop grossing everyone out. You're a beautiful woman and is that shit I'm drinking?
Christina Pazit
It looks like a cocktail.
Louis J. Gomez
Are you drinking your own shit?
Christina Pazit
Look at that.
Louis J. Gomez
Oh, you're a fucking savage.
Christina Pazit
Disgusting. It's a hot cup of diarrhea.
Louis J. Gomez
This is what.
Christina Pazit
This is what gets me going here. I want you to watch this gentleman. Maybe you can book him for skank fest.
Louis J. Gomez
He's got beautiful breasts. We're gonna make French Canadian poutine fries. What are poutine fries? Well, poutine fries are basically your fries. Cheese and a great appetite. However, there's going to be a bit of a change to the recipe. Everybody likes to change the recipe up. These ones are going to have fries, cheese, pig and pig piss. Oh, it's going to be a treat. Wow. Okay, so let's get. Hold on. Things happening.
Guest or Producer
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
See, there's the fries.
Louis J. Gomez
We'll pee on the fries first. Oh, he's got a huge dish. Having a nice.
Christina Pazit
How does he pee through the water Square.
Louis J. Gomez
I'd be happy with that. If I had that dick, I'd actually be happy. I'm not even lying about that. Make sure all the fries are covered.
Christina Pazit
He's got to cover all. So much piss. Now that I've seen this, this is the fifth. Well, it's a ton of piss. But hold on, it gets better.
Louis J. Gomez
No, I have a feeling where it's going. There we go.
Christina Pazit
Watch this spread. And watch the timing. Just right away.
Louis J. Gomez
That's wild. That looked like AI the way that came out. Oh, this is pre. Wow.
Christina Pazit
Wow, you flinched.
Louis J. Gomez
That wasn't good.
Christina Pazit
I made l. J Gomez flinch.
Louis J. Gomez
Tell me he doesn't eat it. Joe Rogan should do this to make people audition for the mothership. And. And they would like. There'd be a line of. There'd be 300 people in the bar next door to the mothership waiting to eat Joe Rogan's shit and piss on french fries.
Christina Pazit
Here's the best part, though. Are you ready? Hold on, let me get my cup of diarrhea to watch it right here.
Louis J. Gomez
Now you see why being French Canadian is so good. Hey, look at this gooey turd coated cheese and crust. I mean, who is this for? It's for you.
Christina Pazit
You and me, babe.
Louis J. Gomez
But it's Come on. Is there anybody else that, like. Is this, like, a kink for somebody? Are people jerking off to it? Or is it some sort of, like. Is that what it is? They jerk off?
Christina Pazit
Can I tell you? Okay, that's enough. Thank you, Josh. Here's what I've learned in my. Whatever, almost 20 years of doing this show. If there's a guy making a video, there's a guy jerking off to the video.
Louis J. Gomez
It's very astute.
Christina Pazit
Yeah. Nothing exists in the universe. What men are doing this. The only purpose is to make somebody's penis hard and to come. That's it.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I've not. I don't. I've never met anybody who's really into a shit. That's not true. Big J loves to watch shit videos. And he acts like it's because he's interested in them, but it's like there's no reason he's watched them all. Like, he'll be like. He could reference them. Like, it's old movies, so maybe he does jack off to shit videos.
Christina Pazit
Sorry. Like, ship is in. Not like this type.
Louis J. Gomez
Not this. But like a hot chick dropping a deuce or a chick farting.
Christina Pazit
Can I tell you something? Easy money.
Louis J. Gomez
Easy money.
Christina Pazit
And if my career died tomorrow, you better believe Feet. Feet farting. Easiest money in the world.
Louis J. Gomez
You just show your tits. I got to be honest with you. I think you could just show your tits.
Christina Pazit
And I don't. I got. You know, I. I don't know. Mine are kind of jacked. I. I had surgeries and stuff.
Louis J. Gomez
Oh, yeah. Kids, right?
Christina Pazit
You know, my tits are old and shitty, but that's.
Louis J. Gomez
That's still better than shit. That's probably. It's a more acceptable kink. Old Shitty Tits.
Christina Pazit
Old Shitty Tits.
Louis J. Gomez
Well, listen, that's your nickname. Old Shitty Tits.
Christina Pazit
Of course. That's who I am. We haven't even done our opening clip. This one's. I mean, that was. That set the. By the. By the bar. Pretty high.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
But here's my opening clip for you. You ready? This guy. Oh, man. All right. Here we go. Tits, dummy.
Louis J. Gomez
Oh, you sexy Facebook woman. If you're lonely and you want to. You know me. I'm in Bellevue, Nebraska. I'm not gonna get my address out on Facebook because too many weirdos out there. Somebody might try a home invasion, and I have to kill them. You know what I mean? So. But anyway. But. Don't bring anyone loving to this. Cheers to this guy. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura and Christina, Pajit. Welcome to your mom's house.
Christina Pazit
Yeah. You feel it?
Louis J. Gomez
Not enough podcasts. Have fun radio intros anymore. I love it. I love it. This is good. Can we call this guy?
Christina Pazit
Call this guy?
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, his number is up the top.
Christina Pazit
Can we call him? Dude, I didn't even realize that Louis, like, yeah, it's legit. And we know where he is. He's in Nebraska. Don't give out address.
Louis J. Gomez
Phone number there with his phone number. I think he just. One Google search. I'm finding his address, his family members. There's a great scam. You've never gotten a hooker, Christina. But let me tell you, there's a great scam.
Christina Pazit
Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
If you call around and try to get a hooker, right? What'll do is these people that are scammers, they put. It'll be like. It'll be like a number. Whatever you. You like, hey, you know, I'm interested in meeting with this girl. You start negotiating, whatever, maybe they answer you, maybe they don't. But it's not even a hooker. It's. It's probably just some Asian somewhere in another country or whatever. But what they do is you'll get a text message and they'll say, this is like, you know, Warrito, Carlos, whatever, from the. Whatever cartel in Mexico. You wasted my girl's time. We're going to fudgeing come and kill you now. If you don't pay us $2,000. And then they give you. They put your home address, your family members, your contacts, and then, you know, you start freaking out. And then they send you, like, pictures of like, dismembered body parts, like beheaded people. It's. It's a very common scam that this happens. But it's not. It's not really the cartel. It's just some person just because they're assum.1% of the people that get this. Go. I gotta. You would freak out.
Christina Pazit
I'm a dummy.
Louis J. Gomez
The first time, dude. The first time I was like, what am I gonna do? I imagine like the guy that's like, married, right? He goes home, he's like, babe, we gotta move. We gotta get anything out of bank accounts. He's unlocking his gun from under his bed because he thinks the cartel is coming.
Christina Pazit
Oh, my God, I would my pants.
Louis J. Gomez
So hard if I got that very common scam. So if you. If you're getting hookers, boys, yeah, that might happen. There's a lot of people going like, oh, shit, dude, I fell for that one right now.
Christina Pazit
Well, that's why we do this show to help.
Louis J. Gomez
We're helping.
Christina Pazit
Help people out. Wait, can we call this guy? Sure. What's his name again? Hold on. Let me just make sure we. Let me get his. Let me get his rap again. Hold on. Here we go.
Louis J. Gomez
How would he put his phone number? That's crazy. Oh, you sexy Facebook woman. If you're lonely, woman. Yeah, me. I'm in Bellevue, Nebraska.
Christina Pazit
W. Nebraska.
Louis J. Gomez
Get my address out on Facebook, because too many weirdos out there. Somebody might try a home invasion.
Christina Pazit
Well, I gotta tell you something. Chances are Bellevue, Nebraska, is not that big to begin with.
Louis J. Gomez
No.
Christina Pazit
Yeah, everybody knows who this.
Louis J. Gomez
Everyone knows exactly who this guy is. He's the guy who posts this. I mean, I wonder if it's ever worked. He's going to shit himself right now and start eating it on some French fries once he gets a phone call from a real woman.
Christina Pazit
Do you think. Do you think he's gotten.
Louis J. Gomez
No.
Christina Pazit
Any phone. How do we do it? How do we do it? How do I. I'm 50. How do I. What do I. I'd be like, hey, I'm 50.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. I'll be like. I'm.
Christina Pazit
I was on Facebook.
Louis J. Gomez
Lots of technology here at the mom's house studios.
Christina Pazit
What's his name?
Louis J. Gomez
I don't think we have it.
Christina Pazit
What's his name?
Louis J. Gomez
David.
Christina Pazit
David. Oh, my God. I've never done this before.
Louis J. Gomez
Are you ready? This is the best. Get it hard. Get him. Start jacking off. No, if you get him to start jacking off, I'll donate $1,000 to any charity of your choice. I swear to God. I swear to God. And I'll do it. Any charity, the Nazi party, like, whatever you want me to donate money to, I will.
Christina Pazit
What should the goal be? I want. What should we do? I just want to, like. I want to. I want him to tell me about himself. Okay. Right. David. That's his name. Hi. If you record your name and reason for calling, I'll see if this person is.
Louis J. Gomez
I'm a sexy Facebook lady.
Christina Pazit
Hi, my name is Tracy, and I'm a Facebook lady.
Louis J. Gomez
No.
Christina Pazit
Nope, that's him. Nope. Nope.
Louis J. Gomez
No way. What was the charge? What was the charge? Is this an active warrant? I'm not even violate. Let's see. Protection. He violated a protection order.
Christina Pazit
What's that mean? Like, is that a restraining order?
Louis J. Gomez
Probably.
Christina Pazit
Yeah, he violated a restraining order.
Louis J. Gomez
You know what? The man knows what he wants.
Christina Pazit
You know what? I wish you the best. I hope you find love in your life, David.
Louis J. Gomez
And then if. Even if she doesn't want to love you, just Find it again and again with that same woman. Apparently I'm just an odd guy doing odd jobs. I'll race ya. I'm Ian Finance. Hey, how are you? And each week I'm in different towns across the country doing so standup comedy.
Christina Pazit
And to keep me from rotting in my bed or putting a gun to my head, I get you to teach.
Louis J. Gomez
Me how to do your job. Ian, do an odd guy doing odd jobs. YouTube.com ianfinance Comedy every other Tuesday produced by YMH. I got to rip a fart too, bro. Let it loose. Toot, toot. I'll see you out there. How long you been working here.
Guest or Producer
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Christina Pazit
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Louis J. Gomez
Quince.com mom have you ever been arrested, Christina?
Christina Pazit
Not yet, no. There's times I should have been. And that phrase, some grace of God. I mean, you just think about when you're younger, all the dumb times you've just driven drunk. You know, when you're young.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. You know, when I was younger.
Christina Pazit
Have you been arrested?
Louis J. Gomez
Not for driving drunk.
Christina Pazit
Are you allowed, like when you catch charges.
Louis J. Gomez
I've got charges. So I grew up. I was in New York City for 20 years. So weed only became legal very recently. So I was arrested for smoking weed maybe 10 times. Just. And they put you in central bookings for the night. You spend the night in jail though. But it sucks. It's annoying. And then I got arrested one time. The only time I've been seriously arrested was for menacing and harassment. And it was my. I had a roommate. This is like, right. This is right before my son's mother got pregnant. So this is probably like 15 years ago, something like that. And me and this guy just didn't like each other. You know, you move in, you answer an ad on Craigslist and, you know, I show up and this guy was like a douchey. Like he was in law school. He was just this rich kid, like. But it was like a shitty apartment. And I had my own entrance. He had his own entrance. It was kind of a cool deal. It was, it was in Hell's Kitchen. So it was, you know, you know, a decent enough area in New York City, right? West side, close to the west side Highway.
Christina Pazit
It's decent.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
I heard it's not very nice.
Louis J. Gomez
A lot of gays. That's very hateful. That's all you've heard? Oh, yeah, maybe you guys. I understand down in Austin you guys are fucking bigots, but up in New York, we're very open minded.
Christina Pazit
I didn't know that was the gays. I thought the gays were the village.
Louis J. Gomez
It's really. Although all along the west side. So from Hell's Kitchen, right, which is like the 40s and 50s on the west side. Chelsea like the 20s on the west side. Chelsea's big. Gay. Then down to the West Village. That whole strip is pretty gay.
Christina Pazit
That's so. They have such so much territory.
Louis J. Gomez
It's a rainbow going over the west side Highway.
Christina Pazit
Yeah, good for him. So was this gentleman gay?
Louis J. Gomez
No, no, it was just a dude.
Christina Pazit
You know, just a loss.
Louis J. Gomez
I see what you're implying.
Christina Pazit
Not that you're a raging homosexual. You heard it here first on your mom's house. Louis J. Gomez.
Louis J. Gomez
No, just a normal dude and whatever.
Christina Pazit
But a law student, which is not normal. They're not. I went to law school for two whole weeks. They're not. Nor.
Louis J. Gomez
He's a. He was a dick. Sucks.
Christina Pazit
Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
So we ended up just starting to bump heads or whatever and then eventually.
Christina Pazit
What were you bumping? Hold on.
Louis J. Gomez
What.
Christina Pazit
What were the arguments about? Were you stealing his food? Be honest.
Louis J. Gomez
No, no, no, nothing like that. It was just. We just didn't really like each other. And it became a thing where I was leaving. I was ready to move on. Right. We weren't friends. We were. It was, you know, it was a short lived sort of like thing. And it was the summertime and he. It was like. It was his place. I was renting the room from him, so his name was on the lease. Right. So I was getting ready to go and I guess I owed money for utilities still. And he's like, bro, you got to give me the utility money. And I was like, of course I'm going to give you the utility money. I was like, I'm trying to find an apartment. I have to put a deposit. Just give me. Like. I was never planning on giving this kid the utility money. It was not happening. Right? So he could smell that his fucking law. His lawyer nose went off. So was he big nose? He was he. No, I don't think he was a little ret. I don't think he was. But yeah, he. So he was like, yeah, you gotta. You gotta give me money. And I was like, no, or I'll give it to you when I. When I leave. And he could tell I was lying. So he had. This was during a heat wave in August in New York City. Like New York City in the summertime?
Christina Pazit
Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
Like, I mean, don't get wrong. You're here in Texas, dude. Texas in the summertime is pure fucking hell. This place is insane.
Christina Pazit
But New York heat cooks in the smells of the city.
Louis J. Gomez
Yes, it does.
Christina Pazit
Different.
Louis J. Gomez
And it's very humid. It's very. Like the exhaust, like it's Just. It's a lot. And we were going through, like, a heat wave, like, five, six days in a row. It was like 105, 106 degrees, which is really hot for New York City. And it was his air conditioner in my window. It was his unit, right. So I was out promoting comedy clubs. I used to be a comedy club promoter. Yes. I guess, probably 16 years ago. And he goes, I come home, and he took the air conditioner out of my window. No, he fudgeing during a heat wave. And I had a Jack Russell terrier that I never, ever got groomed. So he just had thick hair. So it was like I had a fan. But with the family, it was like whirlwinds of dog hair. And he'd go into the room. It was truly hell. Like, the worst. So then I. To retaliate, I started cleaning the toilet with his toothbrush and jerking off in a shampoo bottle. I mean, the racest I've ever been was that week as I'm just angrily jerking into a shampoo bottle. I was like, take this, you fucking motherfucker. Oh, dude. Every time he showered, I would just fucking listen. I was like, yes, he's fucking got my jizz on his head.
Christina Pazit
So hold on, though. That is diabolical.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. Yeah.
Christina Pazit
Who would ever think of jizzing in a man's shampoo bottle?
Louis J. Gomez
Guys, that's a gift for the world. You guys can do another gift. Yeah, another. We're just giving you a gifts today. Yeah, bro.
Christina Pazit
That's diabolical because it's like, you don't even know that's there because you're not tasting it. You might catch a whiff of something and be like, is that.
Louis J. Gomez
Honestly. Probably made his hair shinier. I think it's good. I think it's good for your hair, to be honest.
Christina Pazit
So this fool took his unit, the AC unit, out of your room just on the assumption that you would stiff him for the utilities. Is that what I'm hearing?
Louis J. Gomez
He was right. All of his instincts.
Christina Pazit
Oh, I know. But, like, you're not supposed to. So he starts the war with you. I'm on your side here. I'm your attorney on this good.
Louis J. Gomez
Thank you.
Christina Pazit
Side.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
Okay, so go ahead. So. So you're jerking off into his thing. You're cleaning the toilet. Smart. Yes. Obviously.
Louis J. Gomez
Just doing what I have to do, you know?
Christina Pazit
Obviously. Louis, I'm on your side.
Louis J. Gomez
I hate this guy. Right? So. So I guess I'm out one day. I'm in Times Square promoting the comedy Club, right? Cause that's how I got my start in comedy, was promoting comedy clubs. It wasn't barking, it was actually selling tickets. But he calls me, he's like, yeah, dude, I gotta get the cable box out of your room. And I'm like, don't touch the fucking cable. Don't even go in my room, right? Cause I guess he had to return it. Cause I was leaving and I was like, don't go in my room. I'll give it to you when I get home. He was like, I'm going into your room to take it right now. And I was like, if you go to my room, I'm gonna come and beat your fucking ass. I'm gonna come and fuck you up. He's like, I'm in your room right now. You're not gonna do anything. So I start, I mean, running home. I remember Bobby Kelly lived on my block. And Bobby Kelly was like, you know, fucking legend already. Like, I'm a young comic. I see Bobby Kelly, he's like, what are you doing? I was like, I'm gonna go beat up my roommate. He's like, you're gonna get arrested, dude. I was like, no, I'm not. Run to the house, dude. And yeah, we get into this big argument. His girlfriend's there, and I'm making him look like a bitch. I'm Puerto Rican. So we just talk shit in a way where it's like, you didn't have to tell me.
Christina Pazit
I know your.
Louis J. Gomez
You have extra security here for that reason. So I. I'm talking like, just. I mean real, like, ghetto.
Christina Pazit
Tell me, how do you. How do you flip? Because, like, what do you. I'm like, mother you, you mother.
Louis J. Gomez
I'm trying to. I'm trying to get him to like. I want to get him to hit me for whatever it is. Like.
Christina Pazit
Like, I'm not smart, cuz that way you don't catch charges because you're defending.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, he's a. He's in law school. He's that kid who's going to call the cops. So I'm just. I'm sub. Do something, you little. I was. Okay, you. You know, whatever it is, dude, I'm getting. I'm getting very Puerto Rican.
Christina Pazit
Very ghetto Spanish.
Louis J. Gomez
No, no, no. But I get a Spanish accent when I get angry. It turns into, hey, you fucking bitch. Yeah, what's up, bitch ass motherfucker? Turns to a Mexican. Yeah, what's up, Bato?
Christina Pazit
I know we went Mexican. We're Mexican, but Puerto Rican like Rosie Perez.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, that's kind Of. That's what I was doing.
Christina Pazit
Yeah. Like, what's up with her? What's up with you? Okay, sorry. Go ahead. So this is fascinating.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
So Chad is defending himself.
Louis J. Gomez
He's defending himself, but he's. He's just. You know, you can tell.
Guest or Producer
I'm.
Christina Pazit
He beat his ass.
Louis J. Gomez
I'm out, Alfred. So I. But I didn't hit him. I just. I. I ended up just bitching him out in front of his girlfriend. And then I. I put. I had a fishing knife. An old fishing knife. It was a shitty old knife in your room or it was just like. It was a knife that I had, like, growing up. I would go fishing. I grew up in the suburbs, so we would go fishing. And it's like a little shitty fishing knife. And I put it on top of the cable box to let him know, if you touch this cable box, I'm gonna fucking murder you.
Christina Pazit
Yeah. Yes.
Louis J. Gomez
It was specifically very menacing. And I would understand if he felt harassed in this moment. So I left that on the. That was that. Then I went back out and I did my thing, and I go out to shows that night. You know, me and Dave Smith, there's a great comic I do with legions, Legion of Skanks.
Christina Pazit
With.
Louis J. Gomez
We're hanging out. We're doing our thing, and apparently he called the cops like a pussy while I was out of my show. What a little bitch, right? So I come home and I go to walk my dog, Sport, right? Me and Dave Smith are there, and we're coming out, and there's cops coming up the stairwell. And they were like, do you live in apartment 2B? And I was in 2A because we had separate entrances. So I was like, no, I was like, 2A. So I go out, and then I'm like. I'm like, Dave's like, dude, let's just go. You're gonna get arrested. I was like, I'm not getting arrested. It's my word versus his word. We're not realizing that. Lawyer versus Puerto Rican, you're never winning that argument. So, yeah, I come back up, and they arrested me. They put me in cuffs, had to go to jail. Big J Okerson's wife was a lawyer at the time, so luckily, she ended up coming down. And if you have a lawyer, they sort of move you to the head. If you're using the public defender, you're waiting on a very long list. I would have been there for, like, four or five days. So I was only in jail for, like, a day for that. And the charges got dropped. And that was that.
Christina Pazit
Was she a criminal defense layer or just any lawyer?
Louis J. Gomez
I don't know what the fuck she did.
Christina Pazit
Well, I'm saying if you just have any type of lawyer, because any lawyer can represent you, I assume it doesn't have to be their brand of law. That's a hot tip, too. Louis is like, hey, if you got a friend who's a lawyer, doesn't have to be a criminal, it bumps you up. This is a really good hot tip.
Louis J. Gomez
Good hot tip.
Christina Pazit
Make that your first fucking phone call. Do they really give you one phone call you get?
Louis J. Gomez
No, no, there's a. There's a phone. There's like a payphone. So you can keep on going back to it and using it if you need to.
Christina Pazit
Payphones. So do you need quarters?
Louis J. Gomez
No, I think you're just gonna, like, collect calls.
Christina Pazit
Oh, that's smart.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, that's the way it works.
Christina Pazit
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Guest or Producer
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Louis J. Gomez
Gambling problem. Call 1-800- gambler. New York. Call 877-8-HOPE and wire. Text hope and why Connecticut? Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org on behalf of Boothill Casino in Kansas. Wager tax pass through. May apply 21 and over in most states. Void in Ontario. Restrictions apply that must win to receive bonus bets which expire in seven days. Minimum odds required for additional terms and responsible gaming resources. See DKNG CO Audio Limited time offer. But I remember. So I couldn't go back to the house. All my belongings were there. And it's so funny, because my son's mother had to pack up everything with Nate Bargazzi, who is actually my son's godfather. No, and me and Nate are like, the. Nate had to go to the. This little shitty apartment. He's like. It's like. I watched him at Madison Square Garden like, six months ago with my son, and I just think back to, like, him having to move everything out of this little shitty apartment with my son's mother. It's like, what a crazy world.
Christina Pazit
What a crazy world. Yeah, but most importantly, when you're in jail for that one night, you're overnight once. Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
I've heard that there's one toilet in the room and that you have to take a shit and piss in front of everybody in the room.
Louis J. Gomez
And there's no French fries, so that's that. What, do you just do it right in the bowl? It's wasted. Wasted materials, as they say.
Christina Pazit
But I'm serious. Isn't. Is this. Isn't this true?
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, there is.
Christina Pazit
And it's like a toilet. It's just like, out in the middle.
Louis J. Gomez
Right in the middle of the room.
Christina Pazit
What?
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
So did you make a brown while you were there?
Louis J. Gomez
No. You'd pee. Some people do. And you're supposed to flush it. Like, as it comes out, you keep on flushing it. Otherwise everyone gets mad.
Christina Pazit
Is that a rule explicitly stated in the room?
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. When somebody goes take a shit, everyone's like, yo, make sure you flush that right away.
Christina Pazit
They tell you.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, they say it a little blacker. Yo, yo, yo, don't be sticking up this place, y'. All.
Christina Pazit
And what kind of gentleman are you in there with? And I'm Assuming it's only gentlemen, they separate.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, yeah. You're with all the dudes and it's everybody from like. So I was. In that time, it was more like actual violent. It's kind of funny. They put the violent criminals together.
Christina Pazit
Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
And it's like, when you get arrested for smoking weed, it's just like, do sweet nights in New York City. Or they used to, anyway. You know, I think they, you know, they started changing things because, like, they were stopping and frisking, like, just, you know, Puerto Rican and black kids. So the numbers were massively inflated. Right. So you just every. Everybody had weed on them. Like every NYU college student that was a white kid also had weed on them. But. But they weren't getting, like, stopped. So when you look at the numbers in New York City, it was only brown people getting arrested. It was kind of a weird system. Right. But when you get arrested for smoking weed or open container or public urination, that was sort of. They would do sweet nights. You'd be in the cell with all those types of people, and people like, in, like, violent fights or like, stealing things like that, they were sort of separated. So it was almost like a class of criminal. So, yeah, I was with more like. But here's the thing. A lot of people, you get the people that have been through the system a lot. Like, once you're arrested seven times, you know, it's only 24 hours. You're like, it's just not that big of a deal. The first time. You're like, what the going on? Like, is my life over? But by the time, the sixth or seventh time, you go, you go, this is kind of.
Christina Pazit
It's, you know, it's whatevs.
Louis J. Gomez
It's whatever. It's not a big deal. You kind of have fun. You joke around. You could buy weed, you buy cigarettes. Like, in.
Christina Pazit
In the cell.
Louis J. Gomez
In the cell, people will sneak stuff. And some people are doing heroin and getting really up. But yeah, it's kind of in a weird way, like, there's like a camaraderie.
Christina Pazit
Yeah, of course.
Louis J. Gomez
You're just kind of like, everyone's waiting. Some. Some people know, like, you know, if they have a warrant and they're going to, like, prison. Prison. You can kind of see those guys, like, yeah, they're going to come get me. Some guys just refuse to give their name or information. So they'll be in this cell for like a week.
Christina Pazit
Oh, my God.
Louis J. Gomez
They just refuse. Because I think going to prison is probably worse than being in just like.
Christina Pazit
The jail for sure. Now, do you have to spread and cough just to go to jail or. That's when they check you into prison.
Louis J. Gomez
When they check you. And you don't. You don't have to do it actually in the cell, but I did just for fun. I just wanted to, like, show everyone that I was friendly.
Christina Pazit
Well, look, you're. Are you single?
Louis J. Gomez
No, I just. I just got locked up.
Christina Pazit
You did. Got locked up.
Louis J. Gomez
Just. Just again.
Christina Pazit
So maybe. But maybe you have some friends that are single. I just. I want to show you this video this girl sent.
Louis J. Gomez
Oh. I cheat. So whatever.
Christina Pazit
Oh. Oh, yeah, Perfect. Okay. So this chick just sent this in. She heard you were coming. I didn't know if you wanted. What do you think? I hate when they do that.
Louis J. Gomez
It's asmr.
Christina Pazit
She's getting ready for her big date with you.
Louis J. Gomez
I've hooked up with worse.
Christina Pazit
No.
Louis J. Gomez
Yes, I have. Oh, my God. Are you kidding me? I hooked up. I've hooked up with.
Christina Pazit
Was she in jail? It's a good jail if you're going to go to prison. This is the haircut.
Louis J. Gomez
This is the one, right? It's not bad.
Christina Pazit
No. So wait, you've hooked up with worse than her?
Louis J. Gomez
100%, without a doubt.
Christina Pazit
Worse than a. A, A head shaved skullet.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, she's kind of cute. I mean, like, you know, if you really. If you forget the hair. Body's decent, face is cute. She's gonna be a freak. She's into weird.
Christina Pazit
Yes, this is true. No, you're right, because the damage is out there.
Guest or Producer
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
She's like, I am traumatized. Here's when I. Somebody did stuff to me younger, and now I'm gonna.
Louis J. Gomez
Now I'm gonna. Now I'm gonna put my fingers in your butt. That's that woman, my girlfriend. Now she won't touch my butthole.
Christina Pazit
And I won't touch Tom's. No, I won't touch one finger. Nope. I'm terrified of it.
Louis J. Gomez
Never one finger.
Christina Pazit
Can I tell you why?
Louis J. Gomez
Please.
Christina Pazit
My husband is large and hairy and I have. I've perused the area, like, and it's so hot and steamy in there. You know what I mean? It's like, it's humid.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
And I don't like it.
Louis J. Gomez
It's like New York in July's asshole.
Christina Pazit
Is New York in July. You nailed it.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Guest or Producer
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
Yes. And I get scared of the heat. Is that everybody's butthole or just Tom's?
Louis J. Gomez
I think. You know, I gotta be honest with you. I never noticed a lot of heat coming off of a woman's asshole. I think it's just men because there's a lot of heat coming out of my asshole too. Unquestionably you think there is.
Christina Pazit
Like, have you empirically tested this?
Louis J. Gomez
No, I've never done it.
Christina Pazit
Touched your own B hole?
Louis J. Gomez
Well, yeah, I think sometimes you have.
Christina Pazit
To when you're cleaning, but you know.
Louis J. Gomez
What I mean, when you're not. When I'm whacking it. No, no, that'd be crazy. That would be gay.
Christina Pazit
Do people do that? Men.
Louis J. Gomez
Fingering your own asshole is wild. That's fucking. Like legs.
Christina Pazit
That's where you draw the line.
Louis J. Gomez
Two fingers. That's crazy.
Christina Pazit
I think so too, but I don't know. You're the skank fest leader. You tell me. You're the originator.
Louis J. Gomez
I've never. I've never fingered my own. Whatever it is. When there's a girl going down there, that just seems really gay. But when there's a girl going down there, if she wants to put a finger in my ass or like, lick my asshole like I used to, that's fine. I used to. So you'll lick Tom's asshole?
Christina Pazit
Never in my life.
Louis J. Gomez
Never. Not once.
Christina Pazit
No. I'm a lady, dude. I'm a mother. I have two children. I have two sons. Yeah, no, them. They are 10 and 7 now. Wow. No, dude, I'm not a dirty. And can I tell you something?
Louis J. Gomez
It's not a dirty.
Christina Pazit
No. Oh, sorry. I mean, not your lady. Your lady.
Louis J. Gomez
My girl doesn't touch my. She refuses.
Christina Pazit
Why?
Louis J. Gomez
I made a couple jokes about it. I'm like.
Christina Pazit
Because she's a nice girl.
Louis J. Gomez
She's a nice girl. Well, she's from Philly, so she's not. She's a piece of.
Christina Pazit
I'm a piece of shit. Because I'm from the San Fernando Valley and I'm Eastern European too. But I just, like. I don't know. I'm old school, babe. Like, I'm old school. I'm. I'm from the 1900. I'm.
Louis J. Gomez
1900S is old.
Christina Pazit
Yeah. Like, I can't. I'm not licking a dude's asshole. It's not in the fucking repertoire, man.
Louis J. Gomez
Special type of woman that does it.
Christina Pazit
And when I was growing up watching the pornography I grew up on, women weren't doing that shit yet. That was strictly for gay dudes.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
This is not for women to do.
Louis J. Gomez
I mean, look, dude, my asshole's a goddamn nightmare. I feel bad. I feel bad when they do it, but I mean, boy, do I put my legs back and just fucking. I go Cross eyed. I stick my tongue out like an onlyfans whore.
Christina Pazit
Okay, here we go. This is for you. Then I'm feeling. Are you into this? You try this.
Louis J. Gomez
Want me to change your camper?
Christina Pazit
Did you do it?
Louis J. Gomez
Did you do it? Are we talking about interracial relationships? No, I'm against this, actually. This is wrong.
Christina Pazit
What's wrong?
Louis J. Gomez
Stick with your own.
Christina Pazit
I agree.
Louis J. Gomez
That's what I said. This should be illegal. Not in Trump's America, of course.
Christina Pazit
Well, you're in Texas. Okay, so. Okay, so this is. It says, when he thinks he's about to hand clap my cheeks, but I have a diaper on. Yes, I'm disabled. And then like the crying, laughing emoji. I'm so confused. What is. What is. What is happening here? So she in her disabled diapers?
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
And he's gonna change her dye. Dye?
Louis J. Gomez
I don't think you should be able to tattoo disabled people.
Christina Pazit
I agree. They're not retarded.
Louis J. Gomez
Well, what type of disability does she have? I. When I hear disabled, I'm assuming it's mental every time. I don't know why.
Christina Pazit
Let me see. Hold on. There's. There's some of this. Read me. Okay. Her name is Chelsea. She's an Instagram personality who posts about her life living. Frederick's. Frederick Friedrich's ataxia disease. Oy. Which is a progressive neuro. Neurodegenerative disease that damages the nervous system, spinal cord and cerebellum, causing impaired muscle coordination, weakness, speed. God damn it.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
This poor broad. So her boyfriend has to change her diaper because she herself.
Louis J. Gomez
Wow.
Christina Pazit
So. But that's. Here's the thing, men. There's no. No, no, no. Before we go. There's no man on the planet that's doing that out of the kindness of his heart. As we learned in the opening clip, guys only do stuff because it.
Louis J. Gomez
What, to jerk off?
Christina Pazit
That's right. That's makes his D hard.
Louis J. Gomez
He likes it. Yeah. I mean, if you're dating. Look, here's the truth. I could never date a girl that has any, like, physical at all. If she got scoliosis, I'm passing that on to my children, possibly.
Christina Pazit
So every time you date, you're thinking in terms of down the road, like, yeah, should I make babies?
Louis J. Gomez
Well, I have a son, and I think that way I'm not gonna waste anybody's time. So if a girl has, like, any, like, deformities and like that, it ain't happening. I'm not gonna. We can't. We can't crack. Create some up little babies, you know, so.
Christina Pazit
So it doesn't make your dick hard is what you're saying?
Louis J. Gomez
No, it doesn't make my dick hard. Yeah.
Christina Pazit
What about just changing a dirty dye. Dye.
Louis J. Gomez
I changed my son's diapers. But it's like, I. Like whatever it is with your kid, you know, this, like, puke, whatever else it is. If somebody puked in front of me, I would start dry heaving. But my son, I don't know why. I never had a physical reaction to it when he was a baby or even when he. There was. He got sick when he was like three. Like, puked everywhere. You just clean it up, you know? Yeah, I. I had a girl puke on my dick recently.
Christina Pazit
Really?
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. Yeah. And it was in a. It was in a loaner car from the car dealership because I was getting my tires rotated and she puked everywhere. No, it was. It was pure hell. Like, genuinely the worst. And then she. She was hammered.
Christina Pazit
I was gonna say alcohol puke is really hard to get that smell out of.
Louis J. Gomez
I have a fabric, I have a bit about it that I'm writing. It's like the truth. The truth story was she tried to kill herself. And she was on medications because she was fucking, you know, whacked in the head. She came out to Story wars, which is a podcast that I do in New York City, and I sent her over a couple drinks, and she wasn't supposed to be drinking because she was on medication. So she got like, blackout drunk. And then afterwards she's like, let me come home with you. I'm like, no, you're too drunk. She's like, let me suck your dick in your car. I was like, all right, fine, we can do that. And we go out to the car and start sucking my dick. And then, you know, oh, God, I almost threw up everywhere. Everywhere. And then I went to go get all the cleaning supplies, and when I came back out, she just left me. She, like, disappeared into the night. So I had to clean up everything.
Christina Pazit
Yeah. Like, why. Why would she just disappear? She knows.
Louis J. Gomez
She was embarrassed and she was just.
Christina Pazit
You know where she lives.
Louis J. Gomez
Like, I don't know her last name. I have no idea where she lives. But yeah, I had to clean up her puke. And the whole time I'm just dry heaving as I'm like, I mean, it was everywhere. Trying to get puke out of a couple holder. Just the worst.
Christina Pazit
I hate, like, I have a thing. I hate puking so much.
Louis J. Gomez
I hate puke.
Christina Pazit
I know. I hate more than. I hate him more. Than you, I bet. I. I have a phobia. I've been to, like, doctors to try to get over it.
Louis J. Gomez
Really?
Christina Pazit
Yeah. I'm real up, man.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. You don't like it?
Christina Pazit
I don't like it.
Louis J. Gomez
Nobody likes puke. Except that first.
Christina Pazit
I've seen some videos that we sh.
Louis J. Gomez
On.
Christina Pazit
All right, what about. How about this guy? What do you feel about him?
Louis J. Gomez
No cap. No Cap. Dog. It's really my life, dog is grating my potatoes. My mom right here talking other homegirl on the. On the cuts. Come on, dog. I live on the lake, dog. Million dollar. Million dollar. Holla at me, dog. Like I said, get off. Off my dick. Huh?
Christina Pazit
It's a lot, right?
Louis J. Gomez
No, that's. That's the average skank fest attendee. Just so you know. That's who I sell my tickets to. That's rich. Yeah. Don't disrespect rich.
Christina Pazit
Huh? Well, like, okay, so it's a brag, because he's like, this is a million dollar lakefront shit. And he. He shows his sister grating carrots into a bowl.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
And my mom talking shit. And she's like, don't fucking film me. And then. And then he drops the N bomb. He's like, what's up? And.
Louis J. Gomez
And then he said it with an A. That's okay.
Christina Pazit
Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
I think if you don't have teeth, you're allowed to say the N word. Interesting theory. Standard. Yeah. Yeah.
Christina Pazit
Yeah. Oh, my God. I think you. Because we've always talked about, like, what white person is allowed to drop N bombs? And I think you're right if you're missing all your teeth from, you know.
Louis J. Gomez
Meth or heroin or whatever he's doing. Yeah, but. Yeah, this guy. Let me. Do these people ever try to kill you and your family? Like, I'm wondering, because you show these people on such a large platform. Am I giving him ideas?
Christina Pazit
Stop it. Stop it.
Louis J. Gomez
Let's move right along.
Christina Pazit
Here we go. But anyway, he's bragging, right? Like. Like, you tell me, you've met guys like him in. In jail, right?
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, of course. No, I mean, I grew up in the, like, suburban New York. Not as, like, trash like Syracuse. No, not. Not as far up there. Rockland County.
Christina Pazit
I know where that is.
Louis J. Gomez
Celebrity Live in Nyack.
Christina Pazit
Yeah, West Nyack. It's in the mall.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, Yeah. I worked in that mall in high school. I worked at Hot Topic. Yeah.
Christina Pazit
Yeah, bro. And that put you. If they put you at a hotel. Yeah, that's all Jews. But what kind of curly Q Jews?
Louis J. Gomez
Oh, the Hussies again. So Muncie, New York, is the largest population of Hasidic Jews anywhere in the world. That's in Rockland county as well. It's an entire community of Hasidic Jews.
Christina Pazit
Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. My. My. My mom told me when I was driving through Muncie, she was like, be careful, because they'll push their baby strollers in front of your car so you kill their babies so they can sue you. That was a real lesson my mom taught me.
Christina Pazit
Your mom's Puerto Rican?
Louis J. Gomez
My mom was white. White trash. Much closer to this guy. I'm half Puerto Rican, half white trash.
Christina Pazit
So dad's Puerto Rican, mom's white trash. Yeah. Because I was gonna say that's like a gypsy thing.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
Gypsies would do that in Hungary.
Louis J. Gomez
They push their babies in front of.
Christina Pazit
Your car, but they won't do it to kill you. They'll throw their baby at you so that you catch the baby, and then you. They'll take your wallet. It's to steal from you.
Louis J. Gomez
That's smart.
Christina Pazit
Yeah, it kind of is.
Louis J. Gomez
That's very creative.
Christina Pazit
That's why I was like, I wonder if your prom's a gypsy. Okay, so hold on. I want you to see this. This is. This is. This is a roommate fight. Is this what happened between you and Chad? Stoned out? Well, wait till I show you this. Darlene. This is the real Daryl. This is the real Daryl that slams doors. You piece of. Daryl. You are a total piece of. I've done so much much for my safe. Florida, too. Like I said, stay the away from me. Stay the away. That's right. This is. This is common area, buddy. So you. This is common area, buddy. You just go. Just go out and get your stone some more today. Whatever, dude.
Louis J. Gomez
Get some more stuff. Oh, that really bothers potheads.
Christina Pazit
Oh, they don't like it.
Louis J. Gomez
Do not. Do not. Hey, man, pot's cool, dude. You need to chill.
Christina Pazit
Listen, derosa came on here, and he and I are not. Not pot people. I'm. I'm an alcohol type.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. Yeah.
Christina Pazit
But, boy, were they pissed off. And we're like, you guys are losers.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. You guys got a bunch of pot smokers. Get some motivation, guys. Stop smoking your. I was. I mean, I. I can't say. I can't claim that. I'm not a pothead. I haven't smoked since Christmas. I take breaks for, like, in my older age, I'll go, like, six months to a year without smoking, and I get in great shape, and I, you know, get. I'm motivated. I get shit done. I start businesses and then like I fall off off for like five or six months and just get stoned every day. And it's really. It's really not good for. For me anyway, like for my motivation. I feel like I'm just kind of like living underwater.
Christina Pazit
Yeah. Yes.
Louis J. Gomez
So I think some people have to be a little self reflective. You can admit that it's probably not the best to get high in the morning when you first get up.
Christina Pazit
No, I think what it is is because it's such a downer and it's such a brain killer. And it's not like you. At least for me. I don't smoke weed and then go out dancing and partying and go to a concert. I don't know how many people go to concerts.
Louis J. Gomez
You go dancing even when you're not high.
Christina Pazit
I can you can you watch? I can. I. I like only goth music though. I'm retarded. Did I mention that? Like I'm embarrassing but I also don't like the marketing of pot. The culture of pot. I don't like their fucking stupid posters. They're glow in the dark shit, black lights, fucking beanbag chair. It's just. Just ugly. It's not a cute aesthetic.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, pot.
Christina Pazit
More punk. Like if punks. Yeah were like into that. But they're not. They're into alcohol. But anyway. Is this so Daryl? Apparently she's into smoking pot and they're fighting over the communal area. So hold on, let's see. Oh, here we go. Speaking of pot, do every day is.
Louis J. Gomez
Go out and buy drugs and get stone. Let the 9:30 today. Where the were you?
Christina Pazit
Where was I? I was at play it again sports. I was at publix.
Louis J. Gomez
Go talk to everybody.
Christina Pazit
I want to.
Louis J. Gomez
It's all right.
Christina Pazit
I got your video showing you buying drugs. I got you stupid. I want to stab you so bad girl. I don't do drugs. I went in and made a medical appointment because I needed one and I made an appointment.
Louis J. Gomez
I don't give a what you do. You're a stone.
Christina Pazit
I don't care about am I stone. Yes, you are you buddy.
Louis J. Gomez
I shouldn't even deny it.
Christina Pazit
I went to play it again. Sam. What is play it. Play it against sports.
Louis J. Gomez
Play it against sports.
Christina Pazit
What the you talking about? But she can be high and go to play it again. She went to play it again sports. Oh, it's. Is it just a store?
Louis J. Gomez
It's a sporting.
Christina Pazit
That doesn't make you a winner. Cuz you went to go buy sporting goods. You. You could be high and still do that.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
I mean, broad.
Louis J. Gomez
What? Yeah.
Christina Pazit
What?
Louis J. Gomez
Debbie, what sports potheads play? They don't play any sports. Right. Like Hacky Sack.
Christina Pazit
Hacky Sack.
Louis J. Gomez
They don't sell Hacky sacks there. That's crazy.
Christina Pazit
That's another thing. Potheads.
Guest or Producer
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
What do they do? Hacky Sack? Watching movies.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
Losers, man.
Louis J. Gomez
Dweebs.
Christina Pazit
Whereas, you know, alcoholics are, like, athletes.
Louis J. Gomez
Oh, yeah.
Christina Pazit
Baseball players.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
What's his name? Doc Ellis. Pitched a perfect game highest on lsd. That's a respectable drug.
Louis J. Gomez
That is respect.
Christina Pazit
That makes you do stuff.
Louis J. Gomez
You got to really commit. You got to really commit if you're doing LSD or really any real drugs. Real. Like heroin.
Christina Pazit
I do like that.
Louis J. Gomez
Lsd.
Christina Pazit
Heroin's sexy. The problem is the marketing on that. Sexy. Like, I grew up watching train spotting.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
All my favorite singers did heroin. You know what I mean? Like, I'm not into it. I could be.
Louis J. Gomez
Oh, yeah. You would have an endless supply of heroin if you wanted it.
Christina Pazit
If I find out I'm, like, terminally ill, that's the first thing I'm doing.
Louis J. Gomez
Really?
Christina Pazit
Yeah. What are you doing?
Louis J. Gomez
First thing I'm doing. If terminally ill, gonna find my old roommate and jerk off directly on a scalp.
Christina Pazit
Playing against sports.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. I mean, no. I mean, I guess I would if I was gonna. You know, I think Metzger has the joke. Like that. Yeah. He goes. He's like, you hear what these kids like. Like, they're suicidal. It's like, how are you gonna kill yourself? Have you not heard of heroin? Which is such a great point. It's like, if you're that far down, just do heroin and maybe you'll die. And you'll die. I mean, I'm assuming overdosing on heroin probably feels pretty sick.
Christina Pazit
Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
It's so much heroin that it kills you.
Christina Pazit
So great.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, I know.
Christina Pazit
Why? Why? Yeah. You may as well just have a slow drug problem.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
But then the problem is you're drawing it out.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. I don't know, but it probably feels great. I mean, I've taken a Percocet. It felt pretty good, bro.
Christina Pazit
My last surgery I had, they gave me Dilaudid, which is essentially. It's heroin. Yeah. It's opioids. They gave it. They gave it to me intravenously, and I was like.
Louis J. Gomez
Like, it's the.
Christina Pazit
The best feeling in the world.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
But I heard you can't ever get back to that first dose feeling or chasing the dragon. Yeah. Because then your body just gets acclimated to that, and then you don't ever.
Louis J. Gomez
Get to just start. You gotta start taking. Drinking Kratom every day.
Christina Pazit
Oh, is that. Yeah, that's. I remember that. What happened to that?
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, no Kratom sell out there. They actually. This main sponsor for Skankfest is Yo. Kratom. It's a Kratom company. And they're great. They're really good dudes. They're not like. Like, they're not telling. They're not selling it, like, recreationally. I'm sure a lot of people do, but it's. The reason people use Kratom is to get off of opioids and to get off of heroin. So it's. It's the better alternative to, you know, doing heroin every day. But, yeah, people who just recreationally drink Kratom, they have, like, green teeth. You're like, what the is wrong with you, dude?
Christina Pazit
What's wrong with you?
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. Wow.
Christina Pazit
Skin fest is so much fun. I don't know, because I. I mean, I do know, because Sarah Weinschenk and why can't. Kim Kong didn't come in here after doing, like, last time. They came in, like, hot off the plane. Like, they had just flown in, glitter still on their faces, like fake fur jackets.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
I mean, it is Sodom and Gomorrah. It just sounds awesome.
Louis J. Gomez
It is. It's. It's very different. It's not like when you go to, like, just for laughs. You're like. You're trying to, like, schmooze with the industry or, like, Moon Tower or any of these other.
Christina Pazit
There.
Louis J. Gomez
It's one giant venue. There's six stages in New Orleans, we did four stages because there were bigger rooms, but we have fights. Like, we have fans fighting, comedians fighting each other. Uncle Laser. Uncle Laser fought Jason Ellis. And what it was. It was wild.
Christina Pazit
Ellis is pretty monster. Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. He's really terrifying. And we have a naked roast. Ellis also judges the naked roast. He's got a dude Ellis's.
Christina Pazit
Bring it up, please.
Louis J. Gomez
Dude, bring up. Jason Ellis's cock.
Christina Pazit
Sure.
Louis J. Gomez
We can see it is a just. It's just a monster between his legs. Like, soft. Like, his cock is.
Christina Pazit
Oh, my Lord.
Louis J. Gomez
His cock soft is literally twice. No, five times as big as my soft cock. Wow.
Christina Pazit
So hold on. All the comics that roast. Okay, thank you. I got it. I know this guy. Okie dokie. I'm still a mom, guys, in my heart.
Louis J. Gomez
You asked for it.
Christina Pazit
I know, but then I remembered that I, you know, I have enough dicks in my life. I don't need to say. And I Like Jason Ellis.
Louis J. Gomez
I don't know if he's great, and I'm sure he doesn't mind everyone saying he's got a huge cock.
Christina Pazit
Yeah, he's the best.
Louis J. Gomez
He's really tough and is a huge cock. Oh, for life. Poor him.
Christina Pazit
So wait, what was I gonna. Okay, so. So the. So the comics have to go nude.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. It's Roast Battle, but all the guys and girls are roasting each other naked. All the judges are naked.
Christina Pazit
Stop it.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. Yeah.
Christina Pazit
So who's gonna sign up? I would be mortified.
Louis J. Gomez
So many people sign up. It's crazy. It's insane. So one of the things we do is there's no cameras, right? So you. You. And we do. We don't even. Yonder bag. We don't do that. We literally. The fans are so. They really get it, dude. They're so respectful. They look like a bunch of, like, bikers and heavy metal fans, but they're hardcore comedy nerds. Whereas, like, if somebody heckles, like, everyone's like, yo, shut. Like, there's none of that. There's. Nobody pulls out their phones to take video or take pictures. We had Louis CK when he came back to comedy, he had taken off. He'd done some shows in Europe, but he hadn't performed in the United States. He came to the one in Brooklyn and was a special surprise guest. Standing ovation, not a single camera phone taken out. I took the video of him going on stage, being announced. That's what got leaked to tmz. But not a single person, they just knew, like, this is for us. This isn't for. We did a tough grad reunion with Colin Quinn back in the day at Skank Fest. Not a single camera. People just, like, our audience is very educated. They know, like, it's also, like, it was very special to be there. It was like a secret show just for them. So it's like, you had to be there. If you weren't there, that was that. So it was. Yeah, yeah. It's pretty special. And it's just, like. It's just chaotic. So there's obviously great comedy and podcasts, but it's all the extra things. This year, we had a Ferris wheel right on the water and a Gravitron, and there's just, you know, people are doing acid and Molly and ketamine, and, like, we have a weed tent, and there's like. It's really. It's debaucherous, but it's also, like, you know, controlled chaos where there's no fights. There's been, like, A couple scuffles. Now, at this point, it's gotten so big, but we prided ourselves for years that we never had a single fight or nobody had to be kicked out.
Christina Pazit
So it's not like the Juggalos, where.
Louis J. Gomez
No, no, no. Which I performed at the gathering of the Juggalos this past year. You did.
Christina Pazit
We love these guys. ICP's been on this show a few times. They're fantastic. But I've seen, like, fights breaking out and it can be whatever, but I don't know.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, Violent J, he's been on the podcast we had last year for our last one in Vegas. Vegas. And saying Clampasi was the special musical guest. Yeah. This year, so. But yeah, we went to the kickoff party on Thursday night. There's always a surprise music guest. And, yeah, we do some live podcasts, and it's. Dude, it's really, as a festival of love, it's like. There's a lot of, like, craziness, and it seems like it's intimidating, I think, for people. But then people go. You don't have to be like, a Legion of Skanks fan, because we have. I mean, the lineup is crazy. Shane Gillis and Tim Dillon and Tony Hinchcliffe and Mark Norman. I mean, you could just go. There's almost 200 comedians that perform, and it's the best of the best. That's why you got to come this year.
Christina Pazit
You got to. So Skank Fest 2026 is going to be in New Orleans. New Orleans, November 13th through 15th. And when did tickets go on sale.
Louis J. Gomez
For this pre sale? Which is before we announce. Yeah, before we announce any comics. The Pre sale is February 16th.
Christina Pazit
Okay.
Louis J. Gomez
2Pm And 2pm Eastern. I should say. So. Yeah, that's before, you know. And then you get. The VIP tickets will get you access to the Thursday night kickoff party as well. It's the only way to get it. And then the General sale is April 20, 2pm Eastern, and that'll be for everybody. That's when we announce the lineup. And it's. This is. It's the 10th anniversary, so it's going to be the best one.
Christina Pazit
Oh, that's going to be a banger. Then you got to go hard.
Louis J. Gomez
And New Orleans was so fun. New Orleans is such a debaucherous city. The problem is Vegas ruined us because we did it in New York for three years, then Houston, then we went to Vegas for three years, and Vegas doesn't stop. Like, you could just. You leave Skank Fest, the last show ends at, like, one in the Morning and you go out and it's just getting started in downtown Vegas so people would just like stay up for five days. It's just so New Orleans has that similar vibe. There's the 24 hour bars we do. We have an the after parties at Larry Flint's barely. Barely Legal club.
Christina Pazit
Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
I knew you'd really like that. So no, no, you're gonna come, come to the Barely Legal Experience. Yeah, yeah, it's really funny, you know.
Christina Pazit
And that is nice. I. And I've always found too that people that are, how do I say this? Openly freaky or whatever are the coolest. And it's the ones that pretend to be normal that I distrust the most.
Louis J. Gomez
Oh yeah? Yeah.
Christina Pazit
Like if I walk into your house and you've got kids but your furniture is all white and then it doesn't look like kids live there, I'm like, you're serial killer.
Louis J. Gomez
Like I have all, all white furniture, but it's not my, my ex girlfriend picked out the couch in the rug or help me so it's like she had this like, you know, hot girl, like rich aesthetic she wanted to like have. So. And then we broke up. Right. But I was buying a house for the first time and we broke up right before we moved in because it just, I could tell that she was just not like when she's trying to buy a house with somebody that you're not married to, everything becomes apparent like what's important. And it's like I was like, I can't do, I can't like bring her into this home and make this half her home when it's not really. So we ended up breaking up. Now I have like this massive white couch and white carpet. My whole living room is like bright white.
Christina Pazit
But you don't have small kids is what I'm saying.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, I have a 13 year old, but he jerks off, he's in his room and you know, come his way. Yeah.
Christina Pazit
Most importantly, yeah. Wow, you broke up. How long were you guys together for?
Louis J. Gomez
On and off for three years.
Christina Pazit
Dang, homie. Have you ever been married?
Louis J. Gomez
No.
Christina Pazit
Like, are you thinking like can you, do you think you could.
Louis J. Gomez
I think if I, I really like being a dad. Right. I love being a dad. It's the thing that I do best. Right. Like, you know, it's the one thing that I try to do really well and I try not to up with. Right?
Christina Pazit
Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
And I feel like I kind of miss the experience because me and my son's mother broke up when he was 2. We co parent. We still co parent. Great. Like, we go on vacations together. We used to go to dinner together. Oh, yeah.
Christina Pazit
It's very hard. So I just put on my distance glasses.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, yeah. We gotta get my prescription fixed.
Christina Pazit
Go ahead.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. No, no, we co parent you guys very well.
Christina Pazit
Yeah, things.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, we. And we, you know, we, we do it. We really co parent well and we're very different people, so we would have never worked. But I kind of wish I didn't, like, not give my son the full experience. You know, he had a broken home and, you know, even though it worked out really well, and he's spoiled and he's got everything he wants and he's really, I mean, incredible kid. Straight A student, good looking, tall, just sweet, kind, like really, really thoughtful and mature, you know, athletic. He's in musical theater, he acts. He's gay, obviously.
Christina Pazit
So.
Louis J. Gomez
He'S got a girlfriend. He's got multiple girlfriends. This kid's like a little pimp. But he's really, like, great. But I, I didn't give him the experience. I would have loved to give him a little sister, a little brother. And so I think about it now, like, you know, if I'm dating a chicken, I am dating a girl now. It's like, I would do it again. I'd have more kids, get married, do it the right way.
Christina Pazit
Why not? Yeah, you know, what else are you gonna do? I'm 50 almost in June, and I'm like, what the else am I gonna do? I've done everything else. How many fucking brunches are you gonna go to? How many party? No, you know what I mean?
Louis J. Gomez
Of course.
Christina Pazit
Really, really. It's like your life becomes masturbatory at a certain point. If your existence is just for you. I think it's very depressing.
Louis J. Gomez
Well, it's all like, kids. People who don't have kids. Like, I go like, like, where's the motivation to like, yeah, what are you doing? Like, what? Like, like for me now, it's like, it's actually pretty easy. I'm. I'm 43, I'm turning 44 in April. And I'm going like, I'm like looking at, like, death in the next 30, 40 years, right? That's, like, happening. And I'm going like, it's not like, depressing because I'm like, oh, I'm gonna leave my son and my niece some incredible things. Not only, like, you know, just like money and things like that, but also like, just like my legacy will live on through, like, my kid who's Gonna probably change the world. He's like the best person I've ever met, so.
Christina Pazit
Yeah, well. And you created Skank Fest, which I created. I think about, like, in all seriousness, I'm sure there's people that are like, thank God for this. This is the thing I look forward to every year.
Louis J. Gomez
It's their vacation. Like our fan base. You know, I'd say 90% of them come from out of town town. And it's their vacation. It's. They. They save up all year. They buy the tickets, they book the hotels, and. And it's different. You're not just watching comedy shows. You're, like, partying. Like, it's not like you, everyone. So the concept came from. I was. I was doing these heavy, heavy metal cruises. I was performing for the comedy acts on, like, it was called Ship Rock. It was one of them.
Christina Pazit
I didn't even know there were heavy metal cruise. Let me know if you know of a goth one. I'll do that.
Louis J. Gomez
I'm sure there's definitely a goth cruise.
Christina Pazit
Unquestionably doing it. Great.
Louis J. Gomez
Like the, The Cure or like, I would love that. I just saw Nine Inch Nails live in. In New York.
Christina Pazit
How are they?
Louis J. Gomez
They're incredible.
Christina Pazit
Tram Ras is incredible.
Louis J. Gomez
Trap Rezzer is incredible. Did you watch Soul Soul, the cartoon cartoon movie?
Christina Pazit
Yeah, he did.
Louis J. Gomez
He did the. He did the music on Soul.
Christina Pazit
That's why it's good and so moody.
Louis J. Gomez
And like, look, the Gothic Cruise. You got to do this.
Christina Pazit
Hold on, bro. 2026 info coming soon. Okay, bookmark this. I'm being serious, dude. I would do this.
Louis J. Gomez
I'll perform on it.
Christina Pazit
Yeah. Yeah, you want to do it?
Louis J. Gomez
That's 100, dude. Let's see the goth girls together. I was, I. Dude, I worked at Hot Topic in high school. I was a guy. I was. I was. Got the Jason. I was unique. I, I. But I wore eyeliner. I had long hair, purple highlights.
Christina Pazit
Come on. I smell my type.
Louis J. Gomez
People think I'm like a Joe Rogan, bro. And I'm like, no, no. Those guys made fun of me in high school. I was like a weirdo. I was in a band. I played drums.
Christina Pazit
Oh, cool. I play drums now very poorly. I just started doing it a couple years years ago. Oh, this is so cool. Original Gothic Cruise, founded in 1989.
Louis J. Gomez
Wow.
Christina Pazit
What, bro, that's great. Where does it start? Tell me the. The. Tell me where and when. I mean, just. Let's go.
Louis J. Gomez
It's a great promo for the Goth Cruise.
Christina Pazit
I mean, I love this. Yeah, this is all you Know how.
Louis J. Gomez
Much people pay to advertise on the show? Goth cruise. Book us.
Christina Pazit
Here's the one fatal flaw, okay? And I know this because I was gothic when I went on my first cruise, is that goths don't want to be out in the sunshine. So you got to make it nocturnal, where, like, everything happens at night and then during the day, we all get.
Louis J. Gomez
Into your coffins instead of cabins. Everyone's got coffins?
Christina Pazit
Yes. Deep southern Caribbean from San Juan. Hey, that's your tribe.
Louis J. Gomez
There you go.
Christina Pazit
Alaska. Okay, okay. All right. Golf cruise.
Louis J. Gomez
But we would do these. Got these, these heavy metal cruises. And I, I was. This is really where the concept from Skankfest came, right? We were doing these cruises and I would see like, like at the food hall, like, or the restaurants, like, the rock stars were just like hanging out and talking to the fans. And you'd be on the deck of the boat in the hot tub, and you're like, oh, that's the lead singer of Limp Bizkit or, you know, whoever else it is. And you couldn't escape everyone. There was no escaping, right? I did the Intractable Joker's cruise. There's some comedy ones as well, but it was like, I was like, oh, this is like, this is the way. Like, what an experience. Like, you're, you're not only just watching these people perform, but you're eating lunch with them, you're interacting with them, you're partying with them, you're. You're. It's. It's a different experience. So we took that to the land. So that's why it has to be one venue. We never did like, multiple venues. Like, it has to be one venue. It has to be a party. It has to be everybody amongst each other. So it's not, it's. It looks big because, like, but it's only about 3, 200 people a day. It's not like this massive, massive amount of people. But you're really getting to like, the experience of, like, hanging out with the Legion of Skanks or Bobby Kelly or Shane Gillis or Tony Hinchcliffe. You don't really get that anywhere else, right? And we're all one. It feels like a very, like, you know, so when the comics come, you know, these guys, they're all like, what's weird is we started this 10 years ago. We were all just broke asses and just trying to figure out life right? Now everyone's gotten like, rich and famous and they're touring and making a million dollars on the road, and so they Nobody has to do it like Shane Gillis does. Not even Tony himself doesn't have to do Skankfest. The reason these guys come back, it's because it's a very unique experience. And comics were. We can just. We're. Our foundation was built on self deprecation, being broke, not having anything, making fun of that. So you really never escape that thing. Right. You spend, you know, a decade minimum being broke, minimum, like, you know, and then the next decade you kind of figure it out. And I think we. That because that's built into our foundation, like we kind of. We never move away from them. I'm sure, you know, don't get me wrong, like you do to a certain degree, but you always kind of remember that. And I think that's why we get so many people that are still coming back year after year, bro.
Christina Pazit
I still have nightmares that I'm broke and that I never made it in comedy and I'm living in downtown LA again and have to sell my feet pics and. Well, and also too, I think it's because you guys create. It sounds like an environment where comics aren't afraid to walk around and be with people, you know, and comics for the most part, I think are pretty down to earth, folks because we deal with the public. You know, your bread and butter is entertaining drunks.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
So, you know, okay, let's do some tiktoks, please. Can I have you for another 10.
Louis J. Gomez
Minutes or have me for whatever you want? Hey, yeah, yeah.
Christina Pazit
You know what I like about you too?
Louis J. Gomez
What's that?
Christina Pazit
You're a go getter. Yeah, you're a real hustler.
Louis J. Gomez
I really am.
Christina Pazit
Yeah. What is this? Who's this? Is this your. Is this your Puerto Rican dad?
Louis J. Gomez
I've been. No, my dad was stabbed to death when I was four years old. I grew up without a father. Wow.
Christina Pazit
God, my eyelid just twitched.
Louis J. Gomez
No, no, it's okay.
Christina Pazit
Got. God damn. But what you got?
Louis J. Gomez
And I mean this. I got the best kid in the world. That sperm had to meet that egg. I wouldn't change a minute before I busted that nut. Everything had to. Everything had to happen right up until that moment. So there's, you know, I. I've, believe me, more than made my peace with everything that I had a pretty hard childhood. But I was always like, I was just broke as a kid. We were on Welfare in Section 8 and I just, I was the kid who was shoveling people's driveways. Lemonade stand, iced tea stand. You know, I got my first job when I was 11. I've worked. Worked, literally, I've never not had a job since I was 11. And I'm not likable. So the industry never, like. In comedy, the industry never, like, latches on.
Christina Pazit
I know what you're saying.
Louis J. Gomez
Like, I. I would. I get, like. I'm pretty comfortable, like, podcasting. I'm very comfortable. Like, this is like, when there's a microphone right here and I'm talking to somebody, I'm sort of in my sort of flow state. But if I have to go to, like, a meeting. And I did all that. I did Montreal just for laughs, and I did, you know, New Faces, and I did all the. The. The meetings in LA and, you know, trying to pitch a TV show, and I was so uncomfortable in that moment. And I, you know, I. I never. So I had to start everything myself. I started the comedy festival. I have a tour management company that books myself and some of my closest friends, some really big comics. I have a podcast network, Gas. Digital Gas.
Christina Pazit
Yes, yes. Massive.
Louis J. Gomez
I just started a coffee brand that's good for you.
Christina Pazit
God damn it.
Louis J. Gomez
Shadow Potty Brain Coffee. Go get it. If you want to naturally Support your testosterone. Bodybraincoffee.com so mushroom coffee that also has Tonka Dalli.
Christina Pazit
Listen. Yeah, that's the only way to do it. Do it your fucking self.
Louis J. Gomez
That's it.
Christina Pazit
You know when they didn't give Joe Rogan the best podcast of the. Of the century Grammy? Was that it? The Grammys?
Louis J. Gomez
Golden Globe.
Christina Pazit
The Golden Globe. I was like, are you fucking kidding me? This is so stupid. And he's like, well, yeah, they wanted. Was it 500 to submit myself? Like, what a. What a fucking circle jerk.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
Is this industry of, like, give me $500 and you can put your name in the hat for a fixed bullshit thing anyway, you know, whatever. Whatever.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, no, Rogan's the man, dude.
Christina Pazit
Of course he's the man.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, he.
Christina Pazit
We're all the man. Stick it to the man. Okay, listen, are you ready for TikTok, please? So I don't know if you know this, I like to curate the marginalized community of TikTok. These are not your dance videos.
Louis J. Gomez
These aren't people with symmetrical faces or hot chicks.
Christina Pazit
My algorithm's. So. I don't even see that. I don't even get it. Are you ready?
Louis J. Gomez
Let's see.
Christina Pazit
Accepted things. Like, I don't.
Louis J. Gomez
That's it.
Christina Pazit
But what. But what sexual thing does that lead to?
Louis J. Gomez
Is that a sexual thing?
Christina Pazit
It's all things lead to dicks.
Louis J. Gomez
All things Lead to dicks. I mean, I don't even know what to take of this. I thought he was gonna, like, stab something into the hole.
Christina Pazit
I was waiting for that, too. Yeah, it's a little anticlimactic, but maybe we'll. I'll keep my eye on this guy. Okay, next.
Louis J. Gomez
Oh, come on, dude. Come on. Oh, my God.
Christina Pazit
So rough. So it's a. It's a dude shaving with a straight razor, and then he licks.
Louis J. Gomez
Do you think he swallows it or he just. After the camera goes off, just spits it out.
Christina Pazit
Let's see. Let me look. Let's try it again. Here we go. Oh, dude, you nasty as hell. No, he didn't swallow. Wait, he just. He's just keeping it in his tongue. You're right. You got that? That was like a horse trick.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
You don't swallow. You saw that right there, huh?
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
Yeah. You were like. You don't swallow.
Louis J. Gomez
I don't like this.
Christina Pazit
I don't like that either.
Louis J. Gomez
I don't like it at all.
Christina Pazit
But that's the whole fun of. Of your mom's house, is you're supposed to feel like you don't like that.
Louis J. Gomez
You want to feel sick, you have to feel. Well, I always say that it's like you. You kind of get the best out of people when they're uncomfortable.
Christina Pazit
Is that what it is?
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, the best. Yeah. No.
Guest or Producer
Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
I think when you're on your heels, and that's when you look. When there's adversity in life, you kind of see what you're made of. Right. So this is. This is tough to watch.
Christina Pazit
Yeah. Yeah. That's the fun of it. Okay, well, how about this one here? That was a little up. I don't want it to go to waste. My Georgia made me buy cheese, but we go through lots. But if anybody wants them, please come bring a container. Did you get the logic? She got a lot of cheese. Yeah, it's a can of nacho cheese. And if you want some, you can have some, but you have to bring your own container. Do you know what I'm saying?
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
Would you go at your poorest. Would you show up at this lady's house and take her cheese?
Louis J. Gomez
Cheese? Yeah, why not? That actually looks pretty as I'm looking at it. It doesn't even look that bad. You throw that in a microwave? Yeah, that's not gonna be terrible.
Christina Pazit
My concern, because I'm a little vomit phobic, is like, how long has she had the cheese? How long has it been open?
Louis J. Gomez
Well, is that Movie theater cheese. It says Cineplex. Big screen snacks. So she'd buy that from a movie theater. Buy, steal. What did she do? She stole. So is that what they do to like, is it like essentially like a large amount of cheese and they put it in like cups at the movie theater?
Christina Pazit
Yes. That's disgusting.
Louis J. Gomez
That's wild.
Christina Pazit
Yeah, she essentially, I'm thinking, stole. You can buy this nasty shit on Amazon.
Louis J. Gomez
50 bucks.
Christina Pazit
50 bucks for that big ass tub of cheese.
Louis J. Gomez
Not bad, dude. This is a new business idea that I'm having right now.
Christina Pazit
What are you thinking?
Louis J. Gomez
I can start selling small portions of this cheese at Skankfest. $5 cup.
Christina Pazit
Yeah, that's a great idea.
Louis J. Gomez
It's not a bad idea.
Christina Pazit
You should be selling yo, like, no, bro, even better. You'll buy the chips. You know how they do in like comedy clubs everywhere? How they sell you the chips and the paper thing and you just put a little jizz of nacho cheese.
Louis J. Gomez
Little jizz.
Christina Pazit
Not even a cup, bro. Yeah, just a jizz of it where.
Louis J. Gomez
You give out the chips for free and then you sell the little buckets of cheese for like 25 each.
Christina Pazit
That's what's up. Dang. Is so good. It does taste good. But if you've ever worked at a restaurant. Have you ever worked in a restaurant?
Louis J. Gomez
Once I worked at a Mexican restaurant. Yeah. I was a bus boy. It was one of my, one of my first jobs or when I first. I was like 14, I guess. And yeah, there was a. The Mexicans, they were so fast. They were so, so fast. I'm like the, you know, goofy footed goth kid.
Christina Pazit
Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
And trying to like keep up with these Mexicans. And then they started busting my tables.
Christina Pazit
Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
And I got mad. I was like, guys like, stop busting my tables. You're making me look bad.
Christina Pazit
Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
And the one guy, he spoke Spanish. I didn't speak Spanish, so he's like arguing with me in Spanish. I'm like, I don't know what the fuck you're talking about. I did this to him. I put my finger up. It was a little Mexican. He was like 5ft tall. He grabbed my finger and he bent it back and he tried to break it. It like sprained it. I was like, I'm a child. What are you doing? It was crazy.
Christina Pazit
That's crazy.
Louis J. Gomez
So I'm on ice aside.
Christina Pazit
Yeah, yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
Just so you know, I think ice is doing a bang up job out there.
Christina Pazit
Yeah. You don't fuck with no Mexican bus boy. But also. So if you've worked in the food industry. Like, you see how nasty comes. Like everything comes in like big tubs, like this, metal tubs, plastic bags that you cut open with scissors and it's all foul.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
So like when, whenever I'm at a restaurant and they're like, do you want this to go? I'm like, no, dude. Like, I don't know how old this was by the time you put it on my plate.
Louis J. Gomez
I worked in fast food too when I was KFC and Taco Bell. Taco Bell was like kfc. Just KFC was great.
Christina Pazit
Yeah, kfc.
Louis J. Gomez
I, I had such a, like great time working at kfc. I got all my friends jobs there as well. We all just like would just. It was so fun. It was like a fun job. And I remember one time this would be, this is a perfect story for your mom's house. I, I was like, it was the dinner rush and we were really good. Like me and my buddy Dave Green would be on the, the drive through and we made it a game. Like when people would be, they'd order their food, they'd be like, yeah, I need a two piece, you know, dark meat with mashed potatoes, coleslaw, biscuit. And as they're saying it, I'm like packing it in the bags, right? Like I'm doing everything. Sixteen piece, blah, blah, blah. So as soon as they drive up to the window, we'd have it hanging out the window.
Christina Pazit
Every time.
Louis J. Gomez
It was like we were, we were like so fast and it was like a game that we would play. So we created like a system where our fucking drive thru was like, damn, it's just the best. And I remember one time, for whatever reason, I'm just 16, hormones going crazy, I, I decided I wanted to jerk off at work and I need to like just need to get it out. So I went into the bathroom, I jerked off and I was just, whatever. I was in there for a while. I was just really pleasuring myself, taking my time.
Christina Pazit
Taking pleasure in yourself.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. Yeah. And it was like during a dinner rush and I was just gone. I was gone for maybe 15 minutes. And then when I opened the door, my manager on the shift, his name was Kevin, this big jacked goofy guy who was like a former military guy, he just literally I opened the door and he, he punched me in the face. And what's funny is he thought I was, it's not like he knew I was jerking off. He just thought I took a. During the dinner rush, but he physically assaulted me.
Christina Pazit
Damn. Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
You're not allowed to do that.
Louis J. Gomez
I'm not allowed to do that. I was just a kid. I was just a boy.
Christina Pazit
You're just a kid.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
Okay. But most Importantly, it's the 90s.
Louis J. Gomez
The 90s.
Christina Pazit
Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
You can really, you could hit kids. You could. It was like if you were a girl that grew up in the 90s, you were raped.
Christina Pazit
I mean, I'm surprised I wasn't. Yeah. When I think about all the crazy.
Louis J. Gomez
I mean, by today's standards, you had a couple rapes, but not by our standards. You have a different standard.
Christina Pazit
I've seen multiple men masturbate in public.
Louis J. Gomez
See, a lot of people say that. A lot of people will say that's some sort of sexual assault.
Christina Pazit
Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
Today, these Tick Tock girls, they don't, they don't know how good they have it.
Christina Pazit
Tell me, important, most importantly, the biscuits at kfc, how are they that good? Do they actually, do they actually bake them? Like, they come as dough and they're.
Louis J. Gomez
Almost like frozen dough. And then you would slather them with butter.
Christina Pazit
Aha. Makes everything.
Louis J. Gomez
Lots of butter. Lots of butter. And. Yeah. So the Popeyes are made with old chicken. The Popeyes. You like the chicken? Chicken. At the end of the night, they'd put it into, like. And also, I don't know if they have it anymore. They had like barbecue chicken sandwiches. The old chicken would be put into a bucket. They put that in the fridge. And then at the end of the week, they would have the cooks, you know, debone everything, throw it into the popeyes, throw it into the. So that was the stuff that I never, it was never really fresh, but, you know, the fried chicken was fresh. It was just fried that day.
Christina Pazit
That's what I'm saying with restaurants, you guys, is that's the kind of they do to you. Like, oh, the special of the day is chicken chili. And you're like. Yeah, because it's made from all the leftover bits.
Louis J. Gomez
Yep.
Christina Pazit
Don't fall for that. All right, let's do one more Tick Tock and then, please. Oh, this one makes me wanna, I think this is her. Oh, no. What are you doing? Smashing or passing?
Louis J. Gomez
I've, I've had sex with old ladies.
Christina Pazit
Really?
Louis J. Gomez
I, I for, I just wanted to pleasure them. Yeah. You want to feel sexy?
Christina Pazit
Sure, sure, sure.
Louis J. Gomez
Like American Psycho, you know, he's like, fucking just like Jack act in the mirrors. Like, I don't get to. I'm not humble. Fat ogre. So I don't get that when I'm having sex with a beautiful woman. But If I bang an old lady, I. It's like, it's just such a great story for her. So it's happened a couple times. I was at Cabo at the Cabo Comedy Festival, and I. There was this one had to be 68 years old.
Guest or Producer
Wow.
Louis J. Gomez
This is like, you know, at least this is. It's before I had a kid. Yeah, this is like 13 years ago, something like that. And yeah, dude, it was. It was pretty cool.
Christina Pazit
So many questions, though, so.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
Was it hard for you to maintain?
Louis J. Gomez
No, it turned me on that I was turning her on.
Christina Pazit
Okay, well, that makes more sense.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
I feel sick again. So you feel sick from the clips and I feel sick from your stories.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, my stories are sickening.
Christina Pazit
It's kind of cool. You and I are a really cool pair. Oh, this chick, I love her. She puts fake ads. Cranberry spice latte, bold espresso pair with an entire can of cranberry sauce. I love this chick. She sabotages.
Louis J. Gomez
I like comedy for, like, for yourself almost. It's kind of like just like. I mean, I guess it's for social media now at this point, but, like, I feel like she'd be doing this even if she didn't have a tik tok.
Christina Pazit
Well, especially because so many people are just not very observant of little things like that throughout the day. I can't tell you how many people I've called mommy in drive thrus, restaurants to people's faces. Only once in 15 years has a person gone, mommy.
Louis J. Gomez
The. Does that mean.
Christina Pazit
Yeah, you're just like, hey, mommy. Hey, Mommy. Like, you can.
Louis J. Gomez
Like a Latina. Yeah, yeah. Like that, right? Like, yeah, Mommy. What's up, puppy?
Christina Pazit
Yeah, yeah. But I'm not cool enough to do it the way you just did it.
Louis J. Gomez
When I was in high school, we would do this. This is a fun little prank we would do. Once again, this is before social media. There was no cameras. We just did this for just our own entertainment. I would take, like, a chocolate bar, right? And I would go into, like, the Burger King bathroom, and I would put. While it was still, like, in the wrapping. I would put it under hot water to melt it.
Christina Pazit
Oh, brilliant.
Louis J. Gomez
And then I would take it and I would smear it all over the toilet seat and on the wall. You draw swastikas on the door, like, everywhere. And then you just sit outside and you watch each employee go in. And then. Did we watch somebody quit their job? The manager was like, you have to clean it. It was like, yo, fuck this. And they threw their Shit down. They walked out. It was. It's brilliant.
Christina Pazit
That's magical.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
You got to do that one again.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. No good. A good. This is a good life hack as well. If you take actual shit and put it on your telephone in your hotel room, they'll give you a free room.
Christina Pazit
No.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
We've learned so many tricks from you today.
Louis J. Gomez
A little bit of poop. Like, there's. There's on my phone. This is insane.
Christina Pazit
And like, the. Like a little bit of your own poo.
Louis J. Gomez
Poo. Yeah.
Christina Pazit
So hold on, though. But the reason.
Louis J. Gomez
At least you'll get at least 10,000 Hilton Honors points.
Christina Pazit
At least.
Louis J. Gomez
At least.
Christina Pazit
The question is, are you touching the poopoo with your hand and then smearing it on.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah, it's your poop.
Christina Pazit
I mean, you can at least use a spoon. A spoon or like a stick.
Louis J. Gomez
A spoon is crazy. Spooning poop onto a phone. I would do that to the phone. You could do it. Really? Anywhere in the hotel room.
Christina Pazit
I'd be like, there's a smear of bro is wrong with you guys?
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah.
Christina Pazit
Especially at the height of COVID Remember when they were sterilizing and sanitizing your. Your remote control? They put it in a cardboard box. It was like, sterilized for your pleasure, like. Yeah, right. Dude, that's not gonna stop.
Louis J. Gomez
Another. Oh, another great hotel hack. We say in a lot of hotels, if there's. If there's anybody being noisy, like, down the hall, which happens all the time.
Christina Pazit
Yeah.
Louis J. Gomez
You know, you know, you know. And you can just call their room and pretend you're the front desk. They'll never have any idea.
Christina Pazit
Bro, you just blew my mind.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. You just call the room, be like, yeah, you're being extremely noisy, guys. We're gonna. We're getting lots of complaints. We don't want to have to remove you from the hotel. Then silence.
Christina Pazit
I should have fucking done that 20 years ago.
Louis J. Gomez
Yep.
Christina Pazit
Damn, dude. You got all hot tips. Yeah, you gotta write a book.
Louis J. Gomez
Hot tips. I did just write a book. Book.
Christina Pazit
You did?
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. Memoir of my childhood. Knives and spoons, pre order on Amazon.
Christina Pazit
I mean, is there anything you haven't done, Louis J. Gomez? You're just a hustler. Books.
Louis J. Gomez
Bobby Kelly said this me years ago. He's like, dude, you're a real hustler. I was like, thanks. He's like, it's not a compliment. It means you stink.
Christina Pazit
Oh, I don't. I don't mean that at all. No, you're fantastic. And everybody buy your tickets now. I would say pre Order them for New Orleans, November 13th through 15th for Skank Fest 2027. It sounds like it's gonna be insane.
Louis J. Gomez
It's gonna be great. Christina, we're gonna send you an offer. Do you already have dates booked that weekend?
Christina Pazit
No, I ain't doing, bro. That's like Thanksgiving.
Louis J. Gomez
All right, bro, you better. If you're not skank based, I'll be very upset because you would love it.
Christina Pazit
I know. I feel like I would.
Louis J. Gomez
You really would. You really would.
Christina Pazit
Also, Legion of Skanks. That's your pod.
Louis J. Gomez
Yeah. I do four podcasts. Legion of Skanks, Story Wars. Me and Big J started a game show podcast, which is a lot of fun. And then the Regs with Bobby Kelly, Dan Soder, and Joe List, and Real Ass podcast with the great Zach Miko.
Christina Pazit
Well, you're a high achiever. You're a very funny man.
Louis J. Gomez
Thank you.
Christina Pazit
You're also a very decent human being. I sense this from you. You're. You're a good human.
Louis J. Gomez
I try.
Christina Pazit
And I would love for you to come back when Tommy is here so we can all laugh together.
Louis J. Gomez
We had Tom on real last podcast back in the day. He's like, what the. We made him uncomfortable with me. It was Tom and Tim Dillon. Yeah. Yeah. We. I mean, we have. We have some crazy segments on that show.
Christina Pazit
I want to come on. You guys ramp it up for me.
Louis J. Gomez
I love it. Open invite. Literally, for anything in my world, there's an open invite for you.
Christina Pazit
Same, bro.
Louis J. Gomez
I love you.
Christina Pazit
I love you, homie.
Louis J. Gomez
I love you too.
Christina Pazit
That's it for your mom's house. You guys check out Louis J. Gomez. And I love you. Bye. Meow.
Louis J. Gomez
Oh, my God. Y' all dudes in the getting packed. Oh, my God. I see why y' all wearing a black van. Oh, my God. You undercover sucker. Oh, my God. Oh, you some nasty ass dudes. Oh, my God. Y' all dudes is to get packed. Oh, my God. Y' all dudes is again pet. Oh, my God. Y' all dudes is again pet. Oh, my God. Y' all dudes is to get packed. Kicking P. My dude keep getting pig. Kicking pig. My dude keep getting pig. Kicking pig. My dude keep getting pig. No, I actually get pig by these damn girl kicking pet. My dude kicking pig. Kicking pig. My dude kick kicking pig. My dude kicking pig. If it was dead by a girl, a man did it first. He can pet my dude. He getting pig you've ever did by a girl, a man did it first. Oh, my God. Y' all do this again. Pet. Oh, my God. Y' all do this again, pet. Oh, my God. Y' all do this to get paid. Oh, my God. Some nasty ass dudes. Y' all dudes is to get packed Y' all dudes is to get pet. Y' all dudes.
Date: February 11, 2026
Hosts: Christina Pazsitzky, Tom Segura (absent this episode)
Guest: Luis J. Gomez
This episode delves into the wild world of Skankfest—the infamous comedy festival created by Luis J. Gomez. Christina takes the reins solo (Tom is filming "Bad Thoughts 2") and welcomes Luis for a hilariously candid, raunchy, and revealing conversation. Topics bounce from jaw-dropping festival tales and childhood scars to jail etiquette, sex kinks, hustle mentality, and plenty of “dude” advice and life hacks. The tone is chaotic, crude, and warm—exactly why fans tune in.
“If there’s a guy making a video, there’s a guy jerking off to the video.”
— Christina, [05:18]
“You’re supposed to flush it as it comes out, otherwise everyone gets mad.”
— Luis, [29:10]
“I started cleaning the toilet with his toothbrush and jerking off in his shampoo bottle.”
— Luis, [19:08]
“That’s your nickname. Old Shitty Tits.”
— Luis, [06:35]
“Not a single camera phone taken out … they just knew, this is for us.”
— Luis, [52:08]
“The industry never, like, latches on … so I had to start everything myself.”
— Luis, [65:41]
“It’s the thing I do best … my legacy will live on through my kid who’s gonna probably change the world.”
— Luis, [59:06]
The tone is gloriously gross, irreverent, confessional, and ever-so-slightly heartfelt. Christina keeps the weirdness upbeat without letting it tip over into pure cynicism, while Luis is equal parts degenerate hustler and scrappy self-made family man. In-jokes and slang (“Mommies,” “skank,” “getting hard for charity”) abound.
Skankfest 2026 will be held in New Orleans, November 13–15.
Pre-sale: Feb. 16, 2pm Eastern
General sale: April 20, 2pm Eastern
Luis J. Gomez plugs:
Christina and Luis cement themselves as partners in comedic grime. If you want raw truth, gnarly throwback stories, and a window into the heart of degenerate comedy, this is the ep for you.