The Biggest Piece In Comedy w/Greg Fitzsimmons | Your Mom's House Ep. 776

Summary

Podcast Summary: Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Episode: The Biggest Piece In Comedy w/Greg Fitzsimmons | Your Mom's House Ep. 776
Release Date: September 11, 2024

Hosted by YMH Studios

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Introduction

Tom Segura welcomes listeners back to "Your Mom's House," introducing his co-host, Christina Pazsitzky. The episode features a special guest appearance by renowned comedian Greg Fitzsimmons, who joins to discuss his latest stand-up special and delve into various aspects of the comedy world.

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Guest Appearance: Greg Fitzsimmons

Tom Segura begins by congratulating Greg on his new special, highlighting its release on Greg's YouTube channel.

Tom Segura (00:58): "Greg Fitzsimmons is here, everybody. His new special, you know me, is out on his YouTube channel right now, so make sure you go and check that out. Congratulations on your special."

Greg Fitzsimmons shares his excitement about the special's positive reception and the role of platforms like Ari's podcast in amplifying his work.

Greg Fitzsimmons: "Let me tell you something. It just came out last night, and it's kind of blowing up."

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Insights into Stand-Up Comedy

The hosts engage in a deep conversation about the intricacies of stand-up comedy, exploring topics such as dealing with anxiety on stage and the challenges of testing new material.

Tom Segura (02:07): "Nothing gives me more anxiety than watching someone do stand up. Except for, like, people who I know are good."

Christina Pazsitzky echoes similar sentiments, emphasizing the balance between anxiety and enjoyment when watching skilled comedians perform.

They discuss common pitfalls for new comedians, such as overusing certain phrases or relying on predictable punchlines, and the importance of evolving one's material to stay relevant.

Tom Segura (03:40): "Or, One time, I remember I was with a guy on the road, and I watched him, and I go, do you know that?... what the fuck? I go, you say what the fuck? Like, 40 times in your 15-minute set."

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Life on the Road: Touring Challenges and Experiences

Tom Segura and Christina Pazsitzky share personal anecdotes about touring, highlighting the grueling schedule and the impact it has on their personal lives.

Tom Segura (06:26): "The pacing of it makes it that every weekend is fun."

They discuss strategies to maintain enthusiasm during tours, such as limiting the number of shows per month to keep the experience enjoyable.

Christina P (06:14): "Yeah, what's the best Sunday. I worship Sundays."

Christina recounts her memorable hotel experience post-childbirth, blending humor with the challenges of balancing parenthood and maintaining a relationship.

Christina P (43:15): "So I unlatch and I spit it out. And then I'd start all over again to get the suction... we both orgasming. I got milk dripping down my chin."

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British vs. American Comedy

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to comparing British and American comedy styles. The hosts discuss the structural differences, cultural nuances, and the unique strengths of each approach.

Tom Segura (16:05): "Now, you watch British comics, like, you know, because they all go to that Edinburgh Festival..."

They analyze how British comedians often develop thematic and sophisticated material, contrasting it with the more straightforward and sometimes raw style prevalent in American stand-up.

Christina P (16:20): "It's kind of intimidating because some of them are so smart... I soared."

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Personal Stories and Relationships

The conversation shifts to personal stories, including Tom Segura's experiences as an extra in TV shows and Christina Pazsitzky's reflections on her early days in gymnastics and interactions within the comedy community.

Tom Segura (21:05): "I do have residual checks once a week to this day from one episode. I mean, they're small, but they were big for a long time."

Christina shares heartfelt memories of her time at the Friars Club, detailing the mentorship and camaraderie she experienced.

Christina P (69:32): "Freddie Freddy Roman used to take me there. He was my sponsor because my dad had already died, so he sponsored me to be a member of the club."

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Comedy as a Craft and Business

The hosts delve into the dual nature of comedy as both an art form and a business. They discuss the importance of maintaining the integrity of one's craft while navigating the commercial aspects of a successful career.

Tom Segura (54:26): "I had to hand in scripts. I sent one in at 11:30 last night..."

Christina praises comedians like Tom, Nate Bergasse, and Joe Rogan for their executive skills, stamina, and dedication, suggesting that their talents would naturally extend to entrepreneurial ventures if they weren't in comedy.

Christina P (54:00): "I think about how much work it must be to have so many people that, you know, God bless you. You're providing jobs for a lot of people, but it's a machine."

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Closing Remarks and Promotions

As the episode nears its end, Tom Segura and Christina Pazsitzky promote Greg Fitzsimmons' stand-up special, encouraging listeners to watch and support his work.

Tom Segura (70:08): "Greg's YouTube channel. He's one of the best in the business. Watch the special and leave a comment where you discovered Greg from, where you know him from."

Greg Fitzsimmons appreciates the support and the opportunity to be featured on the podcast.

Greg Fitzsimmons (71:21): "Always fun to see you."

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Notable Quotes

• Tom Segura (02:07): "Nothing gives me more anxiety than watching someone do stand up. Except for, like, people who I know are good."

• Christina P (16:20): "It's kind of intimidating because some of them are so smart... I soared."

• Tom Segura (54:26): "I had to hand in scripts. I sent one in at 11:30 last night..."

• Christina P (69:32): "Freddie Freddy Roman used to take me there. He was my sponsor because my dad had already died, so he sponsored me to be a member of the club."

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Conclusion

Episode 776 of "Your Mom's House" offers a blend of insightful discussions on the craft and business of comedy, personal anecdotes from both hosts, and an engaging conversation with Greg Fitzsimmons. Listeners gain a deeper understanding of the challenges and triumphs within the stand-up world, all delivered with the trademark humor and candidness that Christina and Tom are known for.

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Note: Advertisements, explicit content, and non-essential sections from the transcript have been excluded to focus on the core discussions and narratives of the episode.

Transcript

[Tom Segura]

Well, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. You have one new voicemail. Hi.

[Christina P]

So you would be so proud of me. I'm hosting Thanksgiving for my friends, and I was stressed because I really wanted it to feel just like Michigan. But then I found the same stuffing mix that you use on Instacart, and I ordered instant gravy, canned cranberry. What else? Oh, I got everyone a little butter sculpture shaped like a turkey. All right, I should probably get cooking, but I miss you today. Happy Thanksgiving, Mom. Oh, and you should download Instacart. It's way easier than sending dad to the store. Download Instacart and enjoy free delivery on your first three orders. Service fees and terms apply.

[Tom Segura]

And we are back. As always, I am joined by my lovely co host, Christina.

[Christina P]

She looks surprised I'm here.

[Tom Segura]

That's the thing that we didn't even know you were. You just showed up.

[Christina P]

Yeah. And we're like, holy shit, right?

[Tom Segura]

Greg Fitzsimmons is here, everybody. His new special, you know me, is out on his YouTube channel right now, so make sure you go and check that out. Congratulations on your special.

[Christina P]

Let me tell you something. It just came out last night, and it's kind of blowing up.

[Tom Segura]

Nice.

[Christina P]

Yeah, I had a lot of nice people promoted and Ari's podcast, and just that alone, like, it's off and running. So I just thank you for having me on, because this is the thing that does it these days. Put out your own special and then hope for you guys.

[Tom Segura]

I know, it's fucking awesome. I've told you this before. I love. I cannot wait to watch it. I have not watched it yet, but I love watching you stand up. When I'm in a club, nothing gives me more anxiety than watching someone do stand up. Except for, like, people who I know are good.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, whenever I'm at the Improv, the Mothership and store, and you're just like, someone goes on, I got to leave the room. It's my own anxiety. It's my own insecurities, but. But then I feel calm when I know somebody who knows what they're doing is up there, and I go, oh, I can watch this. I can relax and enjoy it. And that's how I feel when you're on stage.

[Christina P]

Oh, thank you, man. That makes me feel good.

[Tom Segura]

You're such a good. I mean, I think about things that I've heard you say you've probably forgotten on stage because you're such a good comic. So I really can't wait to check it out.

[Christina P]

Thanks, man. I Appreciate it. And, yeah, that is funny, that back of the room experience when you watch comics, because, you know, on one hand, I want to know who's new, who's good. That's coming up, you know, and so, like, the other night, I sat with Adam Egan in the back of the mothership and watched the open mic night.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And I mean, I forgot how much I enjoy that, because that is when you go so deep into the anxiety that it starts to be fun.

[Tom Segura]

Right? Well, that's because it's so bad.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Like.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, when it's, like, notably new. Like, they're really new. You can kind of enjoy that, too, I think. It's like there's this transition phase of, like, they're not new and they're not, like, super experienced vets.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And, like, you start to hear. Because what actually. I think is actually happening, if I'm being very honest about it, is you go, oh, I've done this. Or do I do this? Oh, I fucking. This is terrible. I think I'm doing this. And you just. You go to that place where it's like. I go, I want to leave the room. And I.

[Christina P]

Well, do you do this? Because I saw a lot of this the other night. Punchlines ending with. And I never came so hard in my life.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah, I've seen that. Yeah. Yeah, that's a trick.

[Christina P]

Yeah, it's a good trick. And then ending every line with, dude or.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

You know what I'm saying? Dude, don't do that, bitch. And that just gets a little punch. It's like going, here's the spot where you laugh, everybody.

[Tom Segura]

Or. One time, I remember I was with a guy on the road, and I watched him, and I go, do you know that? And he was, like, way younger, so I felt comfortable, you know, giving him. I go, you're saying everything. You say. You. Then you go, what the fuck? What the fuck? I go, you say what the fuck? Like, 40 times in your 15 minute set. I go, those are like substitutes.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Something else to say. Yeah, you can't say what the fuck.

[Christina P]

All the whole set, there was a guy who did. He ended every line with. If he was doing a joke about blow up dolls, he would. He would say blow up $12 to 15 times in the joke. Just keep saying it. And then he would end. He'd do the punchline and then he'd go, blow up dolls, y'all. Yeah, like a hashtag almost. Yeah, like a live hashtag.

[Tom Segura]

It's like. And what it is is, like, those. When you're doing that. It's. You're still in the. I'm figuring out how to do it.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But you don't. You're not even aware because you're like, well, I got a laugh, so that must be good. And you're like, it's not good. Yeah, you have to get. You have to get past this. But I think it's actually. I mean, when I told that guy, I could tell he was like, oh, shit. But he thanked me. He thanked me. He goes. The next day, he was like. I was looking at what I wrote, and he was like, thank you for telling me that, dude.

[Christina P]

That's bold. Because I find that I do that with my opener sometimes, and I feel resentment, you know, you really. It's hard to tell people about their act, you know, especially Features. If it's an mc, then they're fresh enough where they're still open to it. But a lot of time, Features have been doing it for 15 years, and they're like, kind of going, I should be the headliner.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

You know, this guy just is lucky enough to be. Yeah, so. But. But your act, you have no hooks or tricks. You just get up there and communicate. It's very rare. Like, you don't, you know, and your energy is normal. You're kind. I mean, it's almost your hook is that you are so unadorned with maybe.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. I have no idea. That's the thing. I have no idea. You never know, really, how you're perceived. You know what I mean? So it's interesting to hear.

[Christina P]

No, but I think you, like, guys like you and Nate Bergazzi, like, just come out and.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, just do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm really happy right now with this tour in this. In this hour, because I pulled back on the number of dates, and it's made it fun again. Like, I think I got. I got to the point on the last tour where it was, you know, 25 shows in a month.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And, like, you know, I don't know, 17 cities, and you just go, like, it's not fun. Yeah, it's not. You're not. Like, I'm excited. And, like, right now, the pacing of it makes it that every weekend is fun.

[Christina P]

So you, what, do you go out, like, Thursday to Saturday kind of thing?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, And I do it, like, usually two to maybe three weekends.

[Christina P]

That's exactly my schedule.

[Tom Segura]

And so, like, every time I'm on the way to the venue, I'm excited to go.

[Christina P]

And you fly home and you got all day Sunday with the kids, which.

[Tom Segura]

Is the best Sunday.

[Christina P]

I worship Sundays. I always am on the first flight home on Sundays.

[Tom Segura]

Like, like Joey Diaz says, you know what kind of loser goes out on a Sunday? I'm like, no, I didn't know that.

[Christina P]

No, man, Jesus Christ told you to take the day off. And he's the guy, he was, he.

[Tom Segura]

Was telling clubs, I don't work Sundays 15 years ago. I'm like, how do you have the juice to do that? Like, that wasn't an option for me. He's like, you just tell him I go, yeah. I told him. They're like, yeah, you're doing Sunday. Yeah, like they're not.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Had big dick energy. Before he was big, he'd always be like, I fly JetBlue mint. I'm like, you're headlining a 200 seat room. What are you spending all the money on your flight home?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I don't know, dude. He probably sold a brick and then he used that for the flight.

[Christina P]

I don't know. Yeah, right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It's like, how are you doing this?

[Christina P]

Yeah. But no, it is fun watching new comics too, because you kind of don't want to get left behind. And I feel like I do want to see what styles people are doing now.

[Tom Segura]

That's true.

[Christina P]

And I kind of feel like there's certain clubs I go back to and I feel like if I feel out of touch, like Largo in la. Like, if I go there and I don't do well, I go, oh, I'm a dinosaur. I'm not current with.

[Tom Segura]

And then do you like, look at your. Like, do you address everything? Do you start thinking.

[Christina P]

I just try to get back to more honest again. I just try to go back to. What do I want to say that embarrasses me? Like, what's, what's the thing?

[Tom Segura]

That's what always works in the, in the kind of like the comedy savvy rooms. Yeah, right. Like. Like I always. You feel like a fraud in a Largo or what was the old comic book?

[Christina P]

Oh, Nerdist.

[Tom Segura]

That Nerdist show. I used to love to do that. And all you had to do was be vulnerable. If you made fun of yourself in some way at the top, your set would be like, I mean, like you're riding a wave. It was. Right. But if you come in with some contrived shit or if you're like, if you're, if you're lashing out, you know, you could only lash out at like a higher power.

[Christina P]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

You can't just like lash out. That audience will pull back.

[Christina P]

And that's the thing I've also found with like, you know, working down not Austin, because it's not this. It's so, you know, gentrified and there's so many people from other places. But when I go to like El Paso and I start thinking about, oh, I can't do my anti gun joke or whatever, I go, shut up, pussy. Where else are you going to do it? Are you going to wait until you're surrounded by people that all agree with you?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christina P]

This is where you want the pushback. I want somebody to yell at me because of it and then fight it out and, and have a joke that's strong enough.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Christina P]

That it's going to work no matter where it goes.

[Tom Segura]

And then you can really, like, you find yourself leaning into it. So every time I do Canada, I was just in Canada, they always have a little. They pull back for notably more on any bit about race.

[Christina P]

Oh, really?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, they're just more sensitive to it. You know, it's a more, I don't know if you want to say PC culture, but they just. It's not like it doesn't feel. That's the, that's the part where you're like, Canada is just like doing the States. Right. Then you get to certain subjects where you're like, oh, no, you could feel it. But what I love about a crowd that does that is that it basically sets you up to test that bit. Because then you lean in really hard and you, you, you can like make fun of them for their reaction in the moment. And then if the bit is good, it works even better.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like they, it creates like this. You pull the pin kind of thing in it or it doesn't, or it bombs.

[Christina P]

I saw I. There's this guy named John Tobin who runs the. The Boston Laugh. Boston. And he said Bill Burr was in town doing the Wilbur Theater. And he goes, can I swing by? Because him and John are all friends. He goes, great, but I just gotta let you know, it's like it's a PTA private show. It's all women. And he was at the height of his, like, you know, housewives think they have the hardest job in the world, that it's the easiest job in the world. And he leans into that and they are fucking booing. And he's going, hey, I don't give a fuck. Yeah, hey, this is funny. You don't get this. It's fucking. You're proving my point. And he just like, got off stage. And he goes, that was the best feeling I've had in a long time.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Because you know what it is like when. When that does happen, when they go, no, and you're doing it and you're. And you're hitting your. Your lines and they're booing is. It makes you feel dangerous. And that's a rush because you go, like, I've done this. I believe in this. And they're booing, and I'm right. So you kind of feel like a badass.

[Christina P]

And you find those faces that are on your side and they're allies, and now you're playing just to them. And it kind of brings me back to the dinner table. Like, you know, I started being like a lot of us. We started being comedians at the dinner table.

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Christina P]

And it was always like, my sister, I would. She would sit next to me and I would say, shit, that was outlandish. It would horrify everybody. And I'd see her, like, giggling or spitting her milk. It was all about making Deirdre laugh.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's awesome. It is. It's like it happens at the table.

[Christina P]

Was yours like that?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And I mean, sometimes I would just go for. For jokes at the table. And, you know, it's three women, and it was like my mom and my two sisters, and they would be upset, and my dad would just go, come on, Tommy. Just. Just stop. I was like, it's good, right? He's like, it's not for them, Tommy.

[Christina P]

Yeah, it was fun.

[Tom Segura]

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[Christina P]

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[Tom Segura]

It's super bland. I'm guessing or no.

[Christina P]

Guy goes to the doctor's office and the doctor checks him out and he goes it's not good. And the guy goes, well how bad it is? He goes you don't have a lot of time. And the guy's like well how much time do I have? And the doctor goes 10. And the guy goes 10 months, 10 weeks and doctor goes, 10, 9, 8. That's a good fucking joke.

[Tom Segura]

That's a good joke.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That was in England.

[Christina P]

That was in England.

[Tom Segura]

I think that it would be a different joke here.

[Christina P]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. There's no cripples in that. There's no.

[Tom Segura]

Because they. They have. They'll. They always. They'll. They'll go. They'll go dark and they'll go ironic and they'll lean into.

[Christina P]

Clever.

[Tom Segura]

Clever.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Yeah. Now, you watch British comics, like, you know, because they all go to that Edinburgh Festival, and that's the way they develop their acts.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And when you're there, you do a month in one theater and you work on one set, and it's usually very thematic.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Christina P]

You know, like, it's. It'll be something really weird. Like a guy, you know, has his comic book collection from when he was 11, and he does an entire hour about how that relates to Christianity, and you're like, I'm just telling dick jokes and about how I fart in front of my wife, you know?

[Tom Segura]

Yes. Yeah.

[Christina P]

It's kind of intimidating because some of them are so smart.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Christina P]

You know Jimmy Carr.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Really smart.

[Christina P]

That guy is so solid.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he is. And his joke writing is. It is incredible.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, yeah, there's. I don't know. Like, I also think about show. What? Like, with all the shows that Gervais has written, I'm like, man, these are. They're so good.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

His writing is. I loved the British Office. That's how I. I.

[Christina P]

My kids, I can't get them to enjoy it. I. It's a superior show.

[Tom Segura]

I don't think it's a. It's without question. Every time I would. I would meet people here and they would be like, huh.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It's like, oh, yeah. I tapped out of the US One, like, because. Because I was a huge, huge fan of the British one. And it's not that I don't think that, you know, Carell or any of these people are talented or fun. I do. But, like, as a show. Yeah, that British one is. It just. It set the table in a way where I was like, oh, I can't. The other one just doesn't work for me.

[Christina P]

Yeah. It just. It feels like a serialized version of it. The other one almost felt like it was an event. And then the Office felt like after a while, I mean, just. There's too many seasons. The Brits get it right. They do three great seasons and they're out.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Extras. I mean, dude, when David Bowie is In the bar.

[Tom Segura]

I just watched that clip somebody posted on Instagram like this week and I hadn't seen it since I saw the show.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And it was like. It induces tears.

[Christina P]

Tears, Kids. Silly. Little fat man.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He's like, so what? He's like, I'm an actor and you know, I got this show but it's, you know, I mean, it's so like. It's like a. It's like it's a sitcom and it's just not that fulfilling. And he's.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And he just looks at it and he's like, little fat man. Andrew Base is like, little. He's like. And then he just turns to the piano. Little fat man. And he's like, oh, no. And he comes up and he's like. And he's riffing. He's like, no. And then Gervaise is like, yeah. No, he's like, chubby little loser. He just starts riffing on how to call him a sad fat shit.

[Christina P]

Yeah. And the best is they keep Gervais in frame so that you can see him looking like, oh, dude. Like, just nervous and uncomfortable. Like he. Oh, my God. And then the. You know, David Bowie's got his black hot girl sitting around him like they just nailed it.

[Tom Segura]

And he's trying to come. He's like, fatty or fatso. And then Gervais's friends, like, I like fatso. He's like the.

[Christina P]

Like the whole bar is singing by the end.

[Tom Segura]

It's brilliant.

[Christina P]

Oh, my God. Yeah. And the girl in that is amazing. The one who plays his best friend, what a like layered, interesting character.

[Tom Segura]

And she's trying to act too because she has that. That amazing scene with. Oh, my God, what's that? Like that good looking British Hugh Jackman.

[Christina P]

No, not Hugh Jackman.

[Tom Segura]

The guy that was in. What is. He was. He was in one of the Bourne identities and then he was in the. What's the Continental? Is that what it's called? The International? The International. No, no, he's not going to be a cast member type in the International, that film. What's that actor's name? It's him. Clive Owen. She has a scene.

[Christina P]

Do you remember the Clive Owen scene? Yeah, right, right.

[Tom Segura]

The Clive Owen scene. He's like. The director is like talking to Clive and then he's like. And then this girl comes in and like, you. You'd had sex with her that night. He goes, I wouldn't fuck that. And they're like. And the director's like, no. He's like, well, what about if I take some mud and I, like, throw it in her face.

[Christina P]

And you can see she still has hope in her eyes throughout the whole thing. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

This is what it's like to be an actor, right? Yeah.

[Christina P]

Did you ever do extra work?

[Tom Segura]

Was I ever an extra in something? I don't think I worked as an extra. I mean, I've had, like, the one line parts, you know.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But that extra stuff feels.

[Christina P]

What was your one line?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God. It always got cut down, too. It was always like, you have seven lines.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then you have five. Three. One. Yeah. I like. I even did, like a full scene a couple times where this is the most embarrassing, where, like, I had a scene on Workaholics with the three guys. And, you know, like, they come up and I'm like the. I have like a. I'm like a drunk bus driver, like a parrot on my head. And, like, you know, like, in costume. And it's all about, like, getting them on the bus. And, you know, you shoot the scene for however long and whatever, you have fun. And then I told everybody and they cut the scene, but nobody.

[Christina P]

Oh, no.

[Tom Segura]

Like, did I miss you? Did you, like, walk by? I was like, oh, my God, that's brutal. That was brutal. Then another time I did a sitcom, I did Jay Moore's like, Gary Unmarried.

[Christina P]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I did. I did a couple times. And then the same thing where I was like, I'm on the. Sick of it. And I had my lines and then they cut it to just, like, entering.

[Christina P]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

So then it looks like I told everybody watch me enter the scene. Like, like, like I'm, like, promoting me walking in. And I was like, yeah. And they're like, good job on that. I was like, thank you.

[Christina P]

Dude, you gotta put that on your website. You're real. You're acting real. Just like, you know, workaholics and just nothing.

[Tom Segura]

Black screen. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then there was another one. I don't remember the name. It was a ABC single camera show where that does air and people do catch it. They catch it. They catch me doing it. What was that show called? Happy Endings. Yeah, people catch that. Where I was a. Like a paparazzi guy, I think.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I had, let's say, three lines and they cut it down to, like, what? Like, just me saying, like, what? And people still will message me. I saw you on episode, like, okay.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah, I did. There was a show called Santa Clarita Diet and I played a cop. And I had a whole scene where I Like, bring them over to a garage and I open it up and there's a reveal, and then I'm yelling at people. And then it aired and it was just me open in the garage. That was the whole thing. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And you're like, everybody, check me out tonight.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It hurts, dude.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah. But you know, you still get paid. You know, like I did. I did one episode of csi, like, the CSI early on. I get checks once a week to this day from one episode. I mean, they're small, but they were big for a long time.

[Tom Segura]

Do you ever think about what those residual checks must be like? Just the residual stuff for like a Tom Hanks?

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know what I mean? Like, where the guy has this huge career. These are movies that are 20 years old. Like, what just comes in yearly on that? It's gotta be.

[Christina P]

And then you get the actors that are smart, like Keanu Reeves, that go like, all right, just give me a few million, but give me a percentage of the gross. That's because residual checks start to dry up, you get a slightly smaller percentage every time it re airs. But when you got a percentage, it just keeps coming in.

[Tom Segura]

His Matrix money.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Fucking wild, dude.

[Christina P]

I he. But he apparently gives it back. He'll like, give the crew. He'll give everybody on the crew like 10 grand.

[Tom Segura]

It's crazy.

[Christina P]

At the end of the movie, did you hear.

[Tom Segura]

You hear the story about Matt Damon and Avatar? Do you know that now? So he had just finished shooting one of the Bourne movies, but it wasn't the first one. So he knew the experience of doing the Bourne movies. And it's important for the story because. So Cameron calls him James, Cameron calls him. I'm going to do this movie, Avatar. It doesn't need a star, but like, I want. I want you to play this, you know, the character. And he goes, well, we wrapped on Born, but we always have pickups. Always. Like, I've done it now a few times. And so I don't want to commit to Avatar because we have to do these. I know we're going to be shooting pickups for like the next month, right? And Cameron's like, all right, well, I'll give you. I forget. It was something like 10% of the.

[Christina P]

Net of Avatar, the highest grossing film internationally of all time.

[Tom Segura]

He's like. He goes, but as a director, producer, filmmaker, I really respect, you know, your choice on this. Like, I get it, like, that I would want the same thing for. For my movie. He's like, yeah. I mean, that's a generous offer. But I'm, I'm going to have to pass like so, so Matt Damon passes because he goes, I know I'm going to have to do this for Warren. And then they calculated it that if he had done it, he would have made 300 million from for the offer. Yeah, yeah. It's a crazy amount of money.

[Christina P]

And then we do stand up and that's it. Show up, you do the show, you get your money and you go. And you go.

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[Christina P]

Nile.Com blue nile.com and that's the thing about this career is like, you know, because I know guys like you that are, you know, you're playing arenas and you're making a lot of money and, you know, it's. And I resent it. And yet I still know that you have that fear that it's all gonna go away.

[Tom Segura]

I don't think it ever leaves. Yeah, I don't think it ever leaves.

[Christina P]

Yeah. And so you take that work and you work those extra weeks and you just think, this can't last. This can't last. As opposed to me, when I play my 250 seat rooms and they're three quarter full, I go, I think I can always do this.

[Tom Segura]

Well, the thing is the part of me that it isn't going to last. That's the thing. It's like, it's not just a fear. You just know that when you, when it gets to a certain point, you go, there's a window. This is a window. It's a window of time.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know, you don't know how long the window lasts.

[Christina P]

Had a pretty long window.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I guess.

[Christina P]

I mean, you've been working at this level for seven or eight years where you're playing big venues.

[Tom Segura]

Big venues. Yeah, I guess so. But you still go. I mean, don't you think it's logical to go like. Yeah, I mean, it's not like I think in terms to think like this, 10 years from now, will I be moving a lot of tickets? I mean, it seems like it's not the kind of thing that you go, yeah, I will. Don't worry about like. No, I don't think like that. I think it's like you have something, it's working for you now, do it? I mean, I look, my dream long term is going. I hope I can stay in theaters. Yeah, that's what I would hope to do. Like to work into theaters into my 60s or whatever.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Because in the end, I mean, it's about the craft. It's still about having that piece of paper in your back pocket with some new bits on it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And getting off and getting that rush that you did something new.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's it. That's the fuel.

[Christina P]

Yeah. And so it doesn't matter if there's 10,000 people out there or, you know, again, 175. Like, it's still, you're still. I'm doing the same thing you are. It's just I'm driving home in a Prius and you've got a town Car taking you to a jet and you Know, and you know, you're.

[Tom Segura]

But sometimes they're small jets.

[Christina P]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, because there's, there's light jets, what's called mids. Super mids. And then.

[Christina P]

Oh, dude. Well, my, my apologies. Yeah, I had this whole thing and.

[Tom Segura]

The fucking, the light jets you got, you gotta get in.

[Christina P]

Right, right, right. And do you ever get to your limo and like the driver talks to you more than makes you comfortable?

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah, right.

[Tom Segura]

Or they start, you know. You know, I got, they started telling you a story. I got a funny story.

[Christina P]

And you're like, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know, I just, I just ate some cyanide. So if you don't mind, I kind of want my last minute to be alone. The stories.

[Christina P]

Oh yeah.

[Tom Segura]

We had a security guy, by the way, one of the security guys who's like, does security venue and like highly trained guy.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then this driver was like £380. He goes, you know, I'd like to get into security. He was like. And I had to listen to the security guy go like, yeah. He's like, you think I could do that? He's like, you probably got to do some training first.

[Christina P]

Your guy's like an ex Navy Seal.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, totally. And he's like, maybe drop like 250 pounds to start.

[Christina P]

Maybe do a sit up.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You sound like you're losing your breath sitting here driving. Yeah. Those are amusing though. You get to listen to those. Yeah, yeah.

[Christina P]

I had an Uber driver because that's how, that's how I get to my commercial plane where I fly coach. And my Uber driver going to JFK had. He was from India and he had. Didn't have the map on his phone. He had a Bollywood movie playing as he drove me insane. And I'm thinking to myself, like, we're in a city, this is like high end driving. And I was going to give him like one star, but movie was fucking good. Like they put a lot into it. A lot of costumes and music.

[Tom Segura]

Isn't it crazy how far like we think our entertainment is? You know, the, the biggest and most important.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then you look at numbers on Bollywood stuff, right? And it dwarfs wharfs.

[Christina P]

Us, the highest paid entertainers in the world are. Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then another one that you learn about that, you're like, holy shit. Is how much bigger talking revenue wise, gaming is than anything in Hollywood.

[Christina P]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[Tom Segura]

Oh my God. Day one of like a, you know, a GTA kind of level release, it'll be like day one pre sale for this game will be like 850 million two weeks in. It's in the billions. Like dwarfing. Really blowing it out of the water. Yes.

[Christina P]

Well, you know, porn was like that too. Porn was always made more money than Hollywood and sports do.

[Tom Segura]

Look at that.

[Christina P]

184 billion. And the movie industry got 26, so about 6%.

[Tom Segura]

Isn't that crazy? Dude, when you look at that figure.

[Christina P]

Whoa. And now look up porn revenues in the, say in the 80s versus movies, because.

[Tom Segura]

And by the way, look, that last sentence. Grand Theft Auto 5, Red Dead Redemption 2, Fallout 4, Call of Duty, all earned more than Avatar. All of them.

[Christina P]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, the revenue was huge in the 80s.

[Christina P]

It was huge. Bigger than Hollywood, bigger than sports, everything really. Yeah. And then it just went away, like within a year.

[Tom Segura]

Videos.

[Christina P]

Yeah, with videos. It just suddenly went away and.

[Tom Segura]

Wait, so does that mean that like, in that era the theaters were full? Like, they had to have been full, right?

[Christina P]

No, I think it was videos and.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, it was videos, yeah.

[Christina P]

Oh, what do you think people went to the theater?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. Like, how did the revenue get. Oh, it was buying videos. As opposed to now where it's all online, where it's all streaming for free.

[Christina P]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P]

I mean, once, I guess stepsisters and step brothers, like, used to just hang out, but when they started banging each.

[Tom Segura]

Other, it's pretty crazy.

[Christina P]

Oh, Avatar was like, who wants to watch a blue guy?

[Tom Segura]

Is that your favorite genre? Genre?

[Christina P]

I've gotten into it recently, but my main thing is Czechoslovakian hidden camera massage porn. Naturals. You got to put naturals in there.

[Tom Segura]

Detailed.

[Christina P]

Yeah, I love it. Yeah. But then I come here and I try to get on my ex hamster account and they tell me I can't get on. So they go, hold your face up to the camera. They wanted to photograph me to make sure I looked old enough crazy to do the porn. Which first of all, like, you know, I don't even know if it's going to recognize me because I'm squinting and I look sad and. And now they've got. And I don't know when do they stop filming me?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I know. It's really weird.

[Christina P]

You know, like, I was really weird.

[Tom Segura]

And there's also 10 plus states doing this. It's not just here, it's a bunch of states who are like, no, no, hold up your id. Like to jerk off. Yeah, really weird.

[Christina P]

I know. It is weird.

[Tom Segura]

It's very weird.

[Christina P]

If I show my id, I want to, like, get on a plane, not. I know Be film jerking off in a hotel room.

[Tom Segura]

Such a sad moment.

[Christina P]

Oh my God.

[Tom Segura]

You like free use?

[Christina P]

What's that?

[Tom Segura]

That's a lane of porn. Oh, yeah, yeah, it's pretty cool. I like it.

[Christina P]

Free use.

[Tom Segura]

Free use.

[Christina P]

What's your search?

[Tom Segura]

So you just type in free use. That's it. And there's just hundreds of them that come up.

[Christina P]

So. No, I mean, do you have a category?

[Tom Segura]

That's the category.

[Christina P]

Oh, I thought that was the website.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, no, that's the category.

[Christina P]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

So that's where like, you know, ladies at the. I don't know is at the dinner table.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then this guy will come in and just stick his dick in her mouth. And she just keeps like having her conversation with somebody. And then he just like has her stand and bends her over and she's just like, yeah, I do want to go to the park tomorrow. And so he's just using people.

[Christina P]

That's so in cell. Yeah, because that's how dudes that live in their basements and don't shower.

[Tom Segura]

It's the fantasy of what it is. It's exploiting the fantasy of like, what if you could just walk into a room and have sex with somebody? Yeah, it's.

[Christina P]

Yeah, it's like guys that wish they could be invisible and then they would just go in shower rooms, you know, there's an extension of that.

[Tom Segura]

I guess that's what I'm into.

[Christina P]

Yeah, I went to. I used to be a gymnast.

[Tom Segura]

What? Really?

[Christina P]

Yeah, for like eight years. I was a pretty competitive gymnast.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina P]

Yeah. And so.

[Tom Segura]

So you're a good athlete then.

[Christina P]

I'm okay.

[Tom Segura]

I mean gymnasts are like, they're the not celebrated, incredible athletes.

[Christina P]

I think you really, I mean you watch the Olympics and they really have the best bodies.

[Tom Segura]

Unbelievable.

[Christina P]

Yeah, they're ripped. But when I was in gymnastics camp, I used to go to a training camp in the summer and it was called Woodward Gymnastics Camp in Pennsylvania. And there was. I was probably 12. This is going to sound soup as I start this story, but you could see in the girls showers from the bushes above it. And we would up, you know, upwards of 15 guys would be in the bushes watching all these gymnasts. They were like the 16 and 17 year old. Is it illegal that I just said that?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. But I mean you were a young guy.

[Christina P]

I'm grandfathered in, right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you're normal. That's a normal thing.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And also you had people doing it with you. It's gonna be a big case. You know, they're gonna class action. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Plus we're fucking gymnasts. We'll beat the shit out.

[Tom Segura]

Exactly.

[Christina P]

Yeah. What was the best peeping tom story you've ever had?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I know the most, like, I'm trying to think of the most. Like the biggest rush would be that I had. My older sister's friends would come over. So it's not so much that, like, I don't know that I was spying so much is like when you're of the same age, like 12, 13, and like 15 year old girls come over and you're, you're. I guess you're in like sixth grade, they're eighth grade or something. Oh my God. It's just, you know, you would just want to. I would just like hang out all the time. Like, what are you guys doing now? Yeah, just, you know, like they're laying on the couch watching a movie, that kind of thing. You're just kind of hope that they're wearing shorts.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know, that whole thing was like. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Barefoot maybe.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, sure. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Jesus. Did you ever hook up with one of them?

[Tom Segura]

When I was in college, yes.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Not like in high school, but in college.

[Christina P]

How'd that go with your sister?

[Tom Segura]

They both. I slept with best friends of both of my sisters.

[Christina P]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

And they had different reactions. Really? My older sister was like, that's awesome. What was she like? And I was like, huh? And she was like, was she good? And I'm like, this is so strange. And then my younger sister was like, stop fucking my friends.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Wow. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, my younger sister was like, would you like it if I fucked your friends? And I was like, I don't know. But yeah, she was more upset. And then my older sister was like, that's cool. Are you going to see her again? I was like, what the fuck? Yeah, yeah. It was very different reactions.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

This is a cool thing that like my sisters are bringing talent home.

[Christina P]

Yeah. I had a younger sister, but we had to get much older before I could have sex with her friends because she was. She's 17 years younger than me.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So what? Last year. That's awesome.

[Christina P]

Oh, God. No. It's been a long time, man.

[Tom Segura]

But you did what? You did hook up with a sister's friend.

[Christina P]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

How did she. Did she know? Did she learn of it?

[Christina P]

We never talked of it. She slept with my friends and I slept with her friends and we never talked.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you guys know, because we're Irish.

[Christina P]

Irish people don't talk about sex.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Christina P]

You know, you're Mexican, so Like, that's true. You just talk freely, eat beans, and just.

[Tom Segura]

It just comes out.

[Christina P]

Dance. And you dance after you talk about it, right? Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And there's a mariachi playing. It's perfect.

[Christina P]

What a culture.

[Tom Segura]

I think it was when I got to their second round of their friends that my younger sister was like, this is disgusting. You need to stop. Yeah.

[Christina P]

It's a little incestual.

[Tom Segura]

It's a little weird.

[Christina P]

Yeah. But here's the key. This is what I found in college, is become friends with the cool girl. And then you work. You satellite off of her.

[Tom Segura]

Off of her to her. You have a platonic relationship.

[Christina P]

Yeah. You have a Harry Met Sally kind of thing happening. She respects you. And then all the other girls see you as having the ability to form a friendship with a woman, and then you exploit them.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's true.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's a really good. If you're young and you're listening, if you're in college, this is exactly what you should do.

[Christina P]

And also do well, because they're all going to chat. So oral. Be tireless.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Just do your neck stretches.

[Christina P]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

First.

[Christina P]

Yep. Put some ice cubes on your tongue.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Before you get down there.

[Tom Segura]

Really? Yeah. They are gonna talk.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And it's like, it was before there was chat rooms on the Internet. There was like, you know, dorm rooms where they went, tom will go down. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That guy eats a lot of everything. Yeah. Yeah.

[Christina P]

He gets full by the end of it. Yeah. But that was like cocaine sex in college, where you just, like, oral would just go on. It was like, crazy. It was. It was like, you know, it was like porn.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So long.

[Christina P]

And now when you're married, it's like, what?

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina P]

What do you want?

[Tom Segura]

For how long? I know. It's like, don't fart. Come on.

[Christina P]

This is gross. Yeah. It's like, unless we're both showering, like, that's not happening anymore.

[Tom Segura]

Eating ass.

[Christina P]

Eating ass. Or even just asking her for a blowjob. It just seems like this is the woman that's like, you know, we're having dinner together and we're hanging out, and all of a sudden I gotta put my dick in her mouth. Like that. That feels wrong. I can't even ask. I mean, it happens once in a while, but it's never. It's never on request.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina P]

It's got to be her move.

[Tom Segura]

100.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. The request is like, wait, what?

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You want to do what to me?

[Christina P]

And what are you doing for me?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

What do I get out of this you want me to get nothing out of it while I pleasure you? It's not a marriage.

[Tom Segura]

Here's the thing, I want to ask for it and I don't want to hear about your day.

[Christina P]

Don't tell me what you're right, right, right.

[Tom Segura]

Pretend you're someone else.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah. Don't. Don't put caveats on it. No, that's why it's always good to do when you get, when you go on a hotel room together, that's when it's like, oh, yeah, oral. That's the only place there's oral.

[Tom Segura]

That's true.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's why those staycations are important. Getting a hotel for the night.

[Christina P]

Yeah. When I did, when my son was born, and I've told this story before, so stop me if you've heard it, but when my son was born, my mother in law came out and she said, all right, it's been six months. You guys go off and get a hotel room. Just. We lived in Venice, we got one in Marina del Rey at the Ritz Carlton. Because we don't want to waste time driving, we just want to sleep and have some sex. Because I don't think we'd had it like in six months. And so we go off and she was breastfeeding at the time. And so we got to the hotel room and we had sex and then we took a walk on the beach, had dinner, got back to the room and we're like, should we have sex again? I was like, yeah, let's just do it in the morning. Yeah, let's just get a long sleep. We'll have like a brunch. We'll have sex 2am I get woken up to her crying and I'm like, jesus Christ. I go, what do you, what do you miss the kid? What's going on? She's like, no, my breasts are engorged. I didn't, I need to breath. And she goes, I didn't bring a pump, I forgot the pump. I was like, what do you mean you forgot the pump? I go. She goes, no, we got to go home. I need to feed or pump. I'm like, we got this hotel room for nine more hours. We're going to, we're going to eat. We were going to have sex. I go, we can't. She's like, you don't understand, I'm dying right now. I have to be relieved. I go, pop them out. So she pops out of breast and I put my mouth on it and I start just sucking, you know, like. And she's like, no, asshole. And she's like adjusting my jaw and pushing up the bottom of it and instructing me. And she's a lactation consultant, which is the irony of.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P]

So she's showing me how to do it. And then I. And I couldn't get. And then all of a sudden, just this stream, this hard, hot stream of like, sweet. It was like a. It was like a chai latte going in the back of my throat. And so I unlatch and I spit it out. And then I'd start all over again to get the suction. She's like, no, you can't spit it out. So I start swallowing it and I suck and I swallow and I suck and I swallow. And I'm starting to kind of get into it and I get to the second tit and I'm getting pretty into it. And then I start. And I got my arms around and I start kind of rubbing against her. And then slowly we begin making love. And by the end of it, like, we're both orgasming. I got milk dripping down my chin. I was like an animal. I was like, yeah. And then we fell asleep in several wet spots. There was several wet spots in the bed. And then came home the next day and she was that my son comes up and he's like pulling on her shirt to breastfeed. I'm like, little late, asshole. And then the joke was on me because humans are not meant. Adults are not meant to swallow that. And I had diarrhea for like three days after that. Sweet smelling diarrhea.

[Tom Segura]

You drank a lot of milk.

[Christina P]

Drink probably a few ounces.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Wow. It tastes pretty good.

[Christina P]

It tastes. You never tasted it.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I'm shocked a dab. Not like I'm shocked. Yeah. Just a little. Not. I didn't have any, like, mouthfuls.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's incredible.

[Christina P]

Well, it's funny when you're in college, like, you guzzle beer.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And then you have a kid and like, that's your. That's the new party.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It's crazy.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That sounds like that was a very necessary trip for you guys too, at that time.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Yeah. We needed it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Did you ever do those?

[Tom Segura]

Of course.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Just didn't go far. Just grab a hotel.

[Tom Segura]

100%.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And the thing is, you really do go. We're going to have this whole thing. And then you're like, we just slept 11 hours.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I think we should just go back.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Right, right, right.

[Tom Segura]

I know, like, you have your plans of like this is. And then you're just like. You're so sleep deprived.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That you're just catching up on this big sleep deficit.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Because sex. You realize like once you have your kids, your body kind of goes like, what do you. Like, what do you bother me again for? I did it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, we're done.

[Christina P]

We're done.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

I proved myself.

[Tom Segura]

Get into some other hobbies, man.

[Christina P]

How about some parenting? Why don't you just focus on being a parent?

[Tom Segura]

Read a chess book or something, you know? Okay, I guess I will. By the way. Oh, I forgot to plug these. Speaking of huge venues.

[Christina P]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

September 13th, Vancouver. September 14th, Vancouver. Yeah. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Are you going to Vancouver? Yeah. Oh, you. Are you doing your dates right now?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Christina P]

That's hilarious.

[Tom Segura]

I forgot to plug him. I gotta.

[Christina P]

I was like, fuck, I gotta book my flight because I'm in Denver next week.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Christina P]

Okay. Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Well, you're in Denver too. I'm there. September 14th, September 26th, Cleveland. September 27th, Buffalo. 28th of September, Toronto. And then we're announcing 2025 date soon. Wow, there's that. Okay, sorry.

[Christina P]

Gonna say mine.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, of course.

[Christina P]

Denver.

[Tom Segura]

You want to pull it up? You want it pulled up?

[Christina P]

Yeah, why not?

[Tom Segura]

Well, he can pull it up on the screen for you. Is it Greg fitzsimons.com?

[Christina P]

Yeah, but yeah, Denver this weekend. Which the comedy works.

[Tom Segura]

Which is just the best.

[Christina P]

It's just unbelievable. They run a good. There we go. Comedy works. And then the. The mothership next weekend. And then I will be in Fairbanks, Alaska. Tulsa, Oklahoma, Tacoma, Punchline, San Francisco, Chicago just announced amazing. [e-mail] I love Chicago.

[Tom Segura]

Comedy town. Great Comedy town.

[Christina P]

Oh my God. It really is. And it didn't used to be for a long time it was just improv and sketch and like stand up. There was always Zanies, but it's not a huge club. It's a great club, but like never it's not, you know, it's 200 seater.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And other clubs would try to launch and they just never stuck. And then maybe about seven or eight years ago, like the den theater started doing comedy.

[Tom Segura]

That Den theater is awesome.

[Christina P]

Awesome.

[Tom Segura]

That is awesome. Yeah, that's like where it's kind of like a semi round.

[Christina P]

It's around you. Yeah, yeah. And a lot of people have shots. The Sam Morrell shot a special there.

[Tom Segura]

I had. I did, I just did a show there, I don't know, six, seven months ago.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

One of the most fun shows I've done.

[Christina P]

Really? One of the most fun shows And I had. My son went to college in Chicago. Oh, yeah. And so he came out to see me when I was there, and he bought all of his friends.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that's cool.

[Christina P]

And then I proceeded to talk about having sex with his mother several different ways. Yeah. And he was horrified.

[Tom Segura]

It's got to be like, by the way, there's just. I mean, because our kids are such different places in life, but, like, for someone, you know, most of their dads come to town, and it's like, maybe he'll take you to Chili's or something, you know?

[Christina P]

Yeah, right, right.

[Tom Segura]

And then, like, you come to town, they're like, your dad's fucking cool, dude.

[Christina P]

I know. His friends are pretty impressed.

[Tom Segura]

It was.

[Christina P]

It was. It was a pretty cool moment, but. And now he's gonna hear this podcast and find out that I suck. I sucked milk out of his mother's breast.

[Tom Segura]

Took it from him when his. Yeah, it was his fucking meal. Yes.

[Christina P]

I drink your milkshake.

[Tom Segura]

That's awesome, dude.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And, yeah, Chicago for me was like. So I lived in the Midwest a lot, and Chicago is the. It's the prize of the mid, you know? I mean, like, you live in Midwest towns.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And you're all next to Chicago.

[Christina P]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

So when we lived in Milwaukee, it was like, going to Chicago was like, a big deal. Right. Like, we're going to a real city, the big city. And when I started doing stand up, you know, there is that. You do get, I think, a little intimidated when you're going to big cities for the first time, but it also feels like an accomplishment. Like, you've arrived, and you're like, oh. And I had so much, like, excitement and nerves about my first Chicago play.

[Christina P]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

And then I'm like, yeah, I'm going to play the Chicago improv. And then you drive out to Schaumburg, right.

[Christina P]

It's 40 minutes away.

[Tom Segura]

And you're like, oh, I'm not in Chicago at all. And then you're like, oh. And then they're the ones that tell you. They'd be like, yeah, you're not in Chicago. And you're like, no, I know. So you're like, you still haven't played Chicago.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You played the suburbs of Chicago.

[Christina P]

Now, there's a lot of those gigs. My agents like, hey, man, you want to. You want to work Cleveland? And then you get there and you just looking in the rearview mirror of the car and you're going like, hey, it's. It's back there. Where are we headed? And then they drop you off at a hotel that the club owner has put zero thought into how you're going to live the next three days of your life. Because the hotel has no restaurant, it's in an office park. So you literally can't even walk to food.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So I got a good deal in it. Eat shit, I don't care. Yeah, right.

[Christina P]

And so you're forced to like, order takeout, which. So you spend all your money for the week or, you know, or I just remember walking along the sides of highways in the blistering sun to get to a Denny's.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Where was one of those? I think it was the Des Moines Funny Bone, where it was like a highway Holiday Inn. And then the, the only thing that was food wise in even any type of walkable range was something called with but like butterballs or something. Like, it was like. And so you'd walk down the highway and have like butterball burgers. You're like, I'm going to die on this trip. Like it was. Yeah.

[Christina P]

And then you basically save your big meal for the green room and you end up eating chicken wings and nachos.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Cheese sticks.

[Christina P]

Cheese sticks.

[Tom Segura]

And then you're like, you know, my health has actually been declining recently. Put on £40 this year. I don't know why.

[Christina P]

I know. Jesus, my colon is shit. Yeah. I really feel like sometimes I'll go like a week and not have a single vegetable.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It's not good.

[Christina P]

No. It's so hard to eat right on the road. Like, some comics are like, Ian Edwards is a vegan.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know how he does it, though.

[Christina P]

I think he chooses what cities he works in.

[Tom Segura]

He won't go there based on the food.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He won't go just anywhere.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I try to, like, think of. We have conversations about food leading up to the arrival. Figure out this for lunch. Figure this out for dinner. Yeah, yeah. So that we can get good quality food.

[Christina P]

Yeah. It's gotta be hard when you're staying at the Four Seasons to get a decent meal together. I feel for you. It's gotta be hard when you have an assistant that's like arranging food from a gourmet place.

[Tom Segura]

Well, the thing that you can do sometimes is you have the chef prepare your food before you leave. Oh, that's the thing I figured out.

[Christina P]

Right, you figured it out or somebody on your staff figured it out?

[Tom Segura]

That's another way of saying it. I just had the chef prepare it and you're like, got it.

[Christina P]

Oh, God, what a life. I think about Your life? Not a lot, but frequently.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Christina P]

Yeah, I do, because first of all, I'm very proud of you, and you really earned it, you know, and. But then I think about how much work it must be to have so many people that, you know, God bless you. You're providing jobs for a lot of people, but it's a machine. Like, I. Like, I think. Does Tom ever just have a day where he gets to not make a decision?

[Tom Segura]

It's the busiest I've ever been in my life.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

By a long shot. Like, it's not even close.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It's like, beginning of the day until, I mean, I had to hand in scripts. I sent one in at 11:30 last night, got up, try to get my workout in before. And then it's all day. It is all day. Because there's also, like, six, seven things going. I'm not saying to feel. I'm not doing this. Like, feel bad. I'm just saying it's very busy. It is very.

[Christina P]

No, no, no. It's amazing, but it takes a certain type. Like, when I think about guys like you and Bertram and Rogan, like, if you were not in standup comedy, you would be the CEO of a thriving business. Like, you have executive skills, and you have stamina and focus.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I mean, I think I would. I probably would have been an entrepreneur of some kind, I think, like, working in some type of startup or something.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I'm drawn to it. I like it.

[Christina P]

Right, right. And then it's so funny because at the end of the day, then it's all based on you standing on a.

[Tom Segura]

Stage and being like, I come so much.

[Christina P]

Right, right.

[Tom Segura]

You want to see it?

[Christina P]

I know. That's the engine that drives all the other stuff that you have to be responsible about.

[Tom Segura]

Exactly.

[Christina P]

You know, trying to stay on top of social media and scheduling and being a decent person that people work for and not an asshole.

[Tom Segura]

You're totally right. And then it comes back to, like, when I fart, it's sometimes hot. How hot is your fart? Right, right.

[Christina P]

You ever fart on your wife's leg when you're sleeping at night and then she farts, and then you both laugh.

[Tom Segura]

And then people go, and this is the magic. This is it. Right.

[Christina P]

Somebody's doing a profile on you for the New York Times, and they're trying to find a quote that's usable. That's not absurd. Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I know this. I thought you might enjoy. I just saw this. This is a news article.

[Christina P]

Oh, okay.

[Tom Segura]

Can you pull up goer chairless G O S D E R Former NFL player accused of urinating on a passenger on a Delta flight from Boston to Dublin, which is the. Like, that's very Greg Fitzsimmons, that flight, Boston to Dublin. Yeah, right, right.

[Christina P]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

There he is.

[Christina P]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

Former NFL offensive lineman, Boston College football star, is accused of urinating on another passenger, Chairless40, of Wakefield, Massachusetts. Do you know where Wakefield is? Sure, yeah. Pleaded not guilty to interfering with the operation of an aircraft. He was released on $2,500 bail. Mass State police said they were called to Logan Airport in Boston around 2am Sunday after Delta Flight 154 from Boston to Dublin, Ireland was returning because an unruly passenger urinated on another passenger on board.

[Christina P]

Do you think the flight attendant threw a yellow flag when he did it?

[Tom Segura]

According to the report, Peralous appeared drunk when he arrived at the airport. Before the flight took off, he allegedly argued with another passenger. That's always good when they're like, just let him board.

[Christina P]

And then he's only 6 foot 8. Let's set the angry drunk guy on then.

[Tom Segura]

About an hour into the flight, they said he walked up to an elderly woman, exposed himself and emptied his entire bladder for approximately 20 seconds. The flight attempted to stop him, but he became unruly and aggressive. He is 6, 6, 280. And it took two sets of handcuffs to restrain him when he got back.

[Christina P]

And one of the cuffs was on his. Wow. Empty. That's the best. So he was unruly. Full piss. Which means they were grabbing him and he maintained like, if I'm in the ocean, I'm trying to take a piss and a wave comes. I have to stop.

[Tom Segura]

Cuts off this dude.

[Christina P]

Can continued.

[Tom Segura]

I'm going to empty this thing.

[Christina P]

That's the discipline that gets a guy into the NFL.

[Tom Segura]

That's what I'm saying. It's almost to be celebrated in a way.

[Christina P]

I think so.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And maybe marking territory.

[Tom Segura]

Imagine, like, what percentage of the population could do anything about him pissing on you.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know what I mean? Like, it's other NFL players. That's about it.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

All of us would be like, I guess, finish pissing. Like, your cock's bigger than my whole arm, so just piss on me.

[Christina P]

I'm surprised they subdued him.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, six foot six, dude, look at that guy.

[Christina P]

Damn. Yeah. That's not. I gotta think on the. The Boston to Dublin flight probably already has tarps on the floor of the plane just because this happens so often. Extra sponges.

[Tom Segura]

This dude looks like such a Problem that, like, if he pissed on my mom, I'd be like, just let him. Let him do it. Let him do it.

[Christina P]

It's good for your athlete's foot.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, we're not gonna. We don't want any problems, I guess.

[Christina P]

Yeah. And when you're drunk, that's a lot of piss.

[Tom Segura]

It is.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And it stinks.

[Christina P]

And it stinks. Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It's a savage. Dude. I wonder how drunk he is to do that, because that's not something that you're a little tipsy on. That's fully hammered.

[Christina P]

But. What. Why the old lady? I mean, that's. I think there's a thing called a gray shower. Have you heard about that?

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina P]

Instead of a golden shower, there's a silver. Silver. Not silver. It's when you piss on an old person. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So that's his search on ex hamster.

[Christina P]

Yep. I heard a comic talking about it last night.

[Tom Segura]

Gray shower. Shower.

[Christina P]

I think it's silver shower. Unless this comic was lying last night. Oh, man, we did that. That show that Brian Simpson does where you picked. You pick a bottom of the barrel.

[Tom Segura]

Fun.

[Christina P]

So much fun.

[Tom Segura]

Silver shower.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

The act of performing a golden shower, which is urinating on someone either for sexual pleasure or attempts at humiliation. The difference is that the one who is performing the silver shower is hydrated, causing the urine to be silver instead of gold.

[Christina P]

Oh, okay.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. And this is the act of your. The act of a geriatric. Geriatric person of either sex urinating on a millennial. Also a silver shower.

[Christina P]

I thought millennials were all about not having this kind of behavior. This must be them acting out their shame.

[Tom Segura]

Jesus Christ. What do you think of that, Christina? Wow.

[Christina P]

She's shocked.

[Tom Segura]

She's totally shocked.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Jesus, she can't even form words.

[Christina P]

I mean, if you have an old lady piss on you, like, be hard to plan it because they're just kind of pissing all the time on their pants.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Do you like piss?

[Christina P]

No. No. I mean, I. I don't get that. What. What. What's the payoff? Somebody urinates on you? I guess if I was in the shower, it might be fun. Like, I definitely have been with my wife in the shower and peed and you pee and then you. And then they figure it out and they. Y. That's.

[Tom Segura]

That's. That's classic part of marriage.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And they're like, oh, my God, it stinks like coffee in here now.

[Christina P]

Hot. Yeah. I mean, when you were sucking milk out of my tits, I knew you were weird, but this Is really gross. But like, I mean, but then you got. I mean, do people do it in a bit? All these squirt squirters. Peers. They're peers.

[Tom Segura]

This is age old debate about.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, you've so many people are adamant that it's one or the other. I've never heard the consensus on this. I don't know. I mean, people are like, it's not. They'll tell you it's not pee. And you're like, okay. And then I think I've seen her doctors be like, no, it's pee.

[Christina P]

Well, would he have an extra bladder that holds a different liquid in it?

[Tom Segura]

I don't understand.

[Christina P]

Because it's a lot.

[Tom Segura]

It's a lot.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Shooting out.

[Christina P]

I would not be into that at all if someone did that.

[Tom Segura]

I'm gone piss everywhere.

[Christina P]

No, but I mean, if. If I even believed it wasn't pissed that it was. I still don't want that liquid on me.

[Tom Segura]

Spray. And you're not with the guy who would put his face in there.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina P]

Think about what women go through with jism.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

In their face. I've never jizzmed on a woman's face.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina P]

Oh, you have.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

But also, I mean, it's. It's reduced in trajectory and velocity, but like, it shoot it so far. A lot of times it was like, you know, missiles like they were just getting.

[Christina P]

When you were young.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It was just always really. Oh, yeah. Headboard everything now. Yeah. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Good for you, man.

[Tom Segura]

That was like the, you know, that's all I had. What am I gonna say?

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Just a crazy volume and trajectory.

[Christina P]

How much volume?

[Tom Segura]

So much. Like, I. I've said it before, but like, I remember in college, this girl, she jerked me off. She was. What do you have four balls? Like, it was. She's like, this is so much come. Yeah. So much volume.

[Christina P]

Would you save up or was that just a day's rations?

[Tom Segura]

I think it was just. I had a. You know, because that's really your prostate seminal fluid. And then it's just a roll of the dice on how long your orgasm lasts. And I just had a long one. A big long one.

[Christina P]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And I was lucky because it felt good.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But I honestly, the cleanup was always like, what the.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It was a problem.

[Christina P]

Jesus. I just. My, My belly button was always the goal. Get past the belly button.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. I caught them in my face all the time.

[Christina P]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Laying on my back. Yeah. I was like, oh.

[Christina P]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Shooter man. Yeah.

[Christina P]

So you could have done porn just for that.

[Tom Segura]

They've been like, oh, it's not a great. But like, whoa. That's a lot.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I think ultimately I. If I watch porn, I don't want to see a huge.

[Tom Segura]

I don't want to see a mediocre cock. I got a real problem with that.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Actually, I think it's the gayest I ever feel is when I'm like, is that his.

[Christina P]

Oh, you want a big.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I want it to be like, you know, an admirable one.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It doesn't have to be the 12 incher.

[Christina P]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

But like, if the guy's like a five inch. Come on, man. Why are you in this business? Yeah, how'd you get in this.

[Christina P]

Yeah, that's true.

[Tom Segura]

Just like. Just something where you go, like, okay, not, you know, nice.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I get. I don't know. I mean. And I'm. I'm well endowed, don't get me wrong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't shoot far, but I make up for it for the. By the length of the.

[Tom Segura]

Got a big one.

[Christina P]

I've got a big one.

[Tom Segura]

Nice. Yeah, that's cool.

[Christina P]

And I. I think it runs in the family. My father. There was some reference to my father having a big one. I never. I never saw it. I'm not one of those kids that saw. You probably did because you're Mexican, right?

[Tom Segura]

I saw my dad's balls.

[Christina P]

You did?

[Tom Segura]

A few times.

[Christina P]

No. Yeah, just the balls.

[Tom Segura]

Well, just because of, like, certain. Like, I walk in and he's changing and he's bent over and I see his, like, pig nuts. Like, they were like.

[Christina P]

I was like, God, what do you mean? From behind, between his legs.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. And I was like, God, those are fucking huge. Get that.

[Christina P]

Get out of here.

[Tom Segura]

Those are your balls. And then, yeah, one time, I remember I was. He was on the bed, laying there in his. In his boxers, and I saw his balls, like, hanging out of the side and I was like, yo, you got some nuts. He's like, shut up, Tommy. Just cover himself. Big. Big old nuts.

[Christina P]

That means he probably came like you.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. We definitely didn't have that chat.

[Christina P]

You ever see your mom with, like a little chafing on the bottom of her chin? Little flaking?

[Tom Segura]

I'm sure she would love the topic.

[Christina P]

Mommy, you look like a billy goat. What the hell happened in there?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I don't know. Big nuts, though. Yeah, mine aren't. I have totally normal nothing. Like. You seen Ari's balls? Yeah, naturally yeah, Big nuts.

[Christina P]

Joey Diaz has big nuts.

[Tom Segura]

Big nuts.

[Christina P]

You know who has really big nuts? Jim Florentine.

[Tom Segura]

Does he really?

[Christina P]

Oh, yeah. Legendary.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I wonder, like. Because the thing they always say about, you know, in comedy, it's like, you know, obviously, we all have our insecurities, and I think a lot of them are, you know, sexual, female based. Like, you know, in other words, the. The supermodel dude doesn't become a comedian. Right. So I think there's a lot. You know, there's obviously a lot of people talking about their dicks and dick jokes and being not enough. Right. Like, inferior in some way. I wonder how many guys have a nice piece in the comedy community.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Because I bet there's a lot of mediocre dicks.

[Christina P]

Well, you know, legendary. The legendary dick was Milton Burrow.

[Tom Segura]

Milton Burrow, Yeah. Had a hammer on him.

[Christina P]

Yeah. I never saw it, but I was a member of the Friars Club, and there was a steam room, and it was confirmed.

[Tom Segura]

They were like, yeah, he's got it.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Everybody talked about it, and he was very open about walking around the locker room with nothing on. I used to, when I belong to the Friars Club, I'd go to that steam room. Because my father was a friar. I. So I grew up there.

[Tom Segura]

All right.

[Christina P]

My father was in radio New York.

[Tom Segura]

Famous radio.

[Christina P]

Yeah. And so when I was a kid, I saw the OJ Chase at the Friars Club. I watched the. Was it this 1980 Olympics where the hockey team won against the Russians?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

I was there for that. So I used to go to the steam room when I was, like, a kid. Not a kid. You know, I was, like, 12. And I'd go in there, and I'd see all these old dicks. It's almost like they were melting.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

You know, they just. The balls and the penis was just melting. And then they'd love to walk around naked, and then they. They hold up the shaft and they'd powder.

[Tom Segura]

There's, like, a powdering and hair dryer in their ass. You know, the wall. They always dry their ass because it.

[Christina P]

Was so hairy back there.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And so I'd go in the steam room, and then you'd go into. And the steam room was famously, like, one of the best in the city. And then you go into these showers, and the showers, like, these big stalls, and it had, like. The shower had, like, a manhole cover, and it was blasting, like, a thousand gallons. It was like being in a civil rights demonstration. You know, you're just getting blasted against the wall and. And Then you get out and there was this Polish guy and you would step out of the shower and I'm not making this up. He would towel you down.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Christina P]

You would stand there and he would towel down your body and then he'd give you a warm towel and he'd walk to your locker and. And he'd get dressed. And at the time, I think I would give him a dollar. Yeah, I was there all through. I was in acting school in New York and I used to go there every day after, after school at shoot pool.

[Tom Segura]

Nice.

[Christina P]

Shoot pool, take a steam, work out.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Christina P]

It was great. It's gone.

[Tom Segura]

When did it go away?

[Christina P]

Because I just like a couple years ago.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I think well, before it went away, I had lunch there. It was my only time.

[Christina P]

Oh, did you really?

[Tom Segura]

I had lunch there. Yeah.

[Christina P]

It's a pretty special place.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it was cool. It was really cool. I mean, there's so much history on the walls and stuff too.

[Christina P]

I know Frank Sinatra, Dean forever and. But that lunchroom, I mean, you'd walk in and the thing is, like, comedians of that era, like the Borscht Belt comics, the Catskills guys, you know, like Alan King and, you know, Henny Youngman, like, they loved being funny. So you'd walk into that dining room and you'd go. And they would all work the room. They'd call it. They work the room. They'd go from table to table and they'd all have a funny story, a couple insults. And it was just the greatest feeling, like you sitting there. I never felt more like I was in show business than when I was like a young comic sitting in that dining room.

[Tom Segura]

That's very cool.

[Christina P]

And Freddie Freddy Roman used to take me there. He was my sponsor because my dad had already died, so he sponsored me to be a member of the club. And then I hung out like Alan Kirschenbaum, who's a big writer on snl. He kind of like mentored me for a while. They all took care of me. They were. They were great.

[Tom Segura]

It's sad that it's no longer around.

[Christina P]

Breaks my heart.

[Tom Segura]

And it just was that. It couldn't be. It wasn't supported.

[Christina P]

There was some embezzling. Oh, yeah. There was some financial malfeasance. You don't use that word a lot.

[Tom Segura]

No, you really don't. Malfeasance is a pretty high level word.

[Christina P]

Yeah. And you don't use it without financial.

[Tom Segura]

True. When anybody say malfeasance, I, you know, it sounds.

[Christina P]

It's actually French for mal, which is Bad and feasance. Which is shit, right?

[Tom Segura]

Feces, I think.

[Christina P]

So some bad shit happen.

[Tom Segura]

Is that. That is the etymology of that.

[Christina P]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Christina P]

Yes, that's right.

[Tom Segura]

You've decided that, or, you know, I guess another update too, before we go. Garth has officially turned off all his comments on Instagram. That's pretty exciting. He was just blocking and kind of restricting people, but now it's just all done. It's exciting.

[Christina P]

Well, I'm asking people on my special in the YouTube page to say where you. It's called you know me. Put down where you know me from. Like if you heard me on this podcast.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that's cool.

[Christina P]

Write a comment that you know me from. So Mom's house.

[Tom Segura]

It's out now. It's on YouTube. It's called Greg Fitzsimmons. You know me. Go to Greg's YouTube channel. He's one of the best in the business. Watch the special and leave a comment where you discovered Greg from, where you know him from. And hopefully we'll see a bunch of YMH there.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Awesome. Thanks for coming, man.

[Christina P]

Thank you so much. Great hanging out.

[Tom Segura]

Always fun to see you. All right, we'll see you guys next week. Bye.

[Christina P]

Me be me. Oh, yeah. This on me.

[Tom Segura]

Bab me.

[Christina P]

This on me. Be me. This on me. This on me. Oh, yeah. This on me. This on me.

[Tom Segura]

Good. If you're a hot black guy, you.

[Christina P]

Want to me at 23.95. If you want to move it, you.

[Tom Segura]

Can move it, but you gotta me. I need.

[Christina P]

I need to be a lot, man. Get rid free food, free rent and everything else, man. Here's a deal, man.

[Tom Segura]

You see me when I come off of today. Try it out.

[Christina P]

Try it out, man.

[Tom Segura]

I'm a hot.

[Christina P]

My trash come to, man.

[Tom Segura]

Irony.

[Christina P]

I need to be a lot, man.

[Tom Segura]

Shut up, man. Piss on me.

[Christina P]

Beat me home, man. Out and out and out.