The Cheat Code For Black Comedy w/ Gary Owen | Your Mom's House Ep. 826

Summary

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Podcast Summary: "The Cheat Code For Black Comedy w/ Gary Owen | Your Mom's House Ep. 826"

Hosts: Tom Segura & Christina Pazsitzky
Guest: Gary Owen
Release Date: September 3, 2025
Duration: ~67 minutes
Note: Summary excludes advertisements and non-content sections.

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Overview

In episode 826 of "Your Mom's House," Tom Segura and Christina P. welcome comedian Gary Owen for a long-anticipated conversation. The episode dives into the intricacies of comedy careers, breaking into predominantly Black comedy rooms as a white comic, reflections from years in the business, memorable encounters with celebrity legends, and their shared Cincinnati roots. The episode balances in-depth insights on stand-up and entertainment industry navigation with the show’s signature irreverent humor.

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Main Discussion Points & Insights

1. Meeting at Last: The Cincinnati Comedy Connection

• [00:11–01:08]
  • Tom and Gary realize, despite both hailing from Cincinnati and decades in comedy, they've never met in person—a recurring head-scratcher for both.
  • Tom: “I can’t believe I’ve never met you. Dude. Yeah, I’ve never met him.”
  • Gary: “That’s wild how comedians will just be in circles... but then you never really...”

2. Paths Into Stand-Up: From Navy Bases to LA Clubs

• [01:08–08:22]
  • Tom started in LA, chasing comedy movies via improv and Groundlings, before falling in love with stand-up.
  • Gary shares a hilarious and self-deprecating origin story: from a trailer park in Ohio to the Navy in San Diego, mishaps at open mics, and a notorious banning after getting flustered during his first set.
  • Gary: “I go, hey, all you comics in the back, go ahead and keep heckling. ...I’ve been drinking in this club all night. Why don’t I call the cops and shut this down?” [04:16]
  • He was literally thrown out, banned, and it took nearly a year to make his way back.

3. Breaking Through in Black Comedy Rooms

• [08:59–23:39]
  • Gary explains how his Navy friends guided him to Black comedy nights in San Diego, shaping his early career.
  • He candidly discusses the different energy, higher stakes, and authenticity demanded by Black audiences, compared to "mainstream" clubs.
  • Tom: “The black rooms, especially, felt like they were always the highest stakes... There's a standard that they're going to let you know if you suck immediately.”
  • Gary confesses to using “the cheat code” of dancing to hip-hop songs as a new white comic—as a way to win Black crowds’ trust.
  • Gary: "I did cheat. I had a cheat code in the beginning because I would dance. So I'd come out and put on... Destiny's Child or hip hop, hit 'em with a couple dances..." [19:55]
  • Authenticity is key: Black audiences don’t expect comics to pander, but to be real about themselves and their experiences.

4. Navigating Comedy’s Racial “Rooms” and Lessons Learned

• [19:25–21:45]
  • Don’t change who you are for a specific audience; let them in on your world.
  • Gary recounts stories of other comics who tried (and failed) to “jump the line” with racially edgy material without first establishing audience rapport—such as Ralphie May’s infamous Tom Joyner cruise set.
  • Gary: “If Raf would have had enough rapport, he could have got away with something. But when you go up as... They didn't know who you were... it was bad.” [23:14]

5. The Reality of Showbiz and TV Opportunities

• [15:01–18:34]
  • Gary details his unexpected rise via "Comic View," where he first hosted while still on active duty in the Navy—balancing security shifts with TV stardom.
  • Navigating auditions, being passed over at iconic LA venues, and the importance of building connections.

6. The Game: “Tom or Black”

• [42:40–45:47]
  • Tom challenges Gary to guess whether short audio clips are Tom’s voice or a Black guy’s, highlighting the nuances of voice and cadence.
  • Gary: “I should crush this.”
    • (He scores 2 out of 7, noting: “I'm not playing the game no more.”)
  • A playful but telling moment underscoring comedy’s fluidity and the danger of relying on stereotypes.

7. On Comedy Special Output & “The Undercover Boss Bit”

• [36:03–38:42]
  • Gary describes how he ended up filming two stand-up specials (“Broken Family” and “No S”) in a single weekend.
  • Showtime previously cut a favorite bit about “Undercover Boss,” so Gary used it as a centerpiece for a new hour, giving the special both momentum and theme.

8. Legendary Encounters & Working with Comedy Greats

• [31:25–34:51]
  • Gary tells of working with Eddie Murphy (“Daddy Daycare”) and the surreal moment of being recognized by Eddie for a stand-up bit.
  • Reflecting on the legacy of Martin Lawrence, the “Def Jam” era, and how hosts shaped audience and performer perceptions.
  • “Martin show... To this day... still holds up.”

9. Hollywood & Movie Anecdotes

• [39:39–42:35]
  • Swapping stories of audition heartbreaks and “almosts,” plus being typecast as “the white guy who can hang with Black guys but not try to be Black.”
  • Humorous account of roles nearly won by Chris Pratt or Paul Walter Hauser, and legendary comic David Koechner “stealing” every great audition part.

10. Sports, Fame, & Staying Grounded

• [46:18–59:06]
  • Discussion shifts to football identity, shared Cincinnati Bengals fandom, and memorable NFL figures (Dion, Randy Moss, Joe Montana).
  • Gary shares what it’s like to open for football royalty and the awkwardness (and fun) of sports allegiances as a touring comic.
  • Gary: “You're like, I'll tell them. I go, dude, I'm not. I won't wear Bingo. ...I'll golf clap.”
  • Tom, as a lifelong Florida State fan, discusses the alternate realities of college recruitment and the legendary careers that grew out of them.

11. Moving to Texas: New Comedy Epicenters

• [60:51–64:48]
  • Gary and Tom trade notes on leaving California for Texas (Tom to Austin, Gary to Houston), with candid reflections on divorce, practical choices (taxes!), and emerging comedy scenes.
  • Discussion of the explosion in live comedy post-pandemic, with ticket sales booming and club scenes thriving, especially in cities like Houston.
  • Gary: “We let the cancel culture have their time. ...I think people are done with that.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Gary Owen:

  • "If your cousin’s special needs, talk about it. If your cousin’s gay, talk about it. But don’t try to snowball us." [19:36]
  • “I was literally hosting Comic View and active duty military at the same time.” [17:47]
  • “I did cheat. I had a cheat code in the beginning because I would dance…” [19:55]
  • “You're the water champ. ...That's what I'm talking about. Current water champion." [65:48]

• Tom Segura:

  • “In stand up... there’s this thing about doing rooms that are outside of, like, who you are…” [09:00]
  • On Black rooms: “There’s a standard that they're going to let you know if you suck immediately…” [09:56]
  • “Most of the time, if you do stand up, you're not that cool.” [33:05]
  • “That was my first thing, you know, my dad’s favorite sport was football…” [54:00]

• On Martin Lawrence & Def Jam

  • "He was so charismatic and so funny, that even 15 seconds of him, I was like, yeah, that was awesome." [34:51]

• On the pitfalls of edgy humor without rapport

  • "It’s different to drop that like 40 minutes in... but if you like out of the gate, like, nice to meet you. Funny that you're here..." [23:39]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

| Timestamp | Topic / Moment | |----------------|----------------------------------------------| | 00:11–01:08 | Cincinnati comedy connection intro | | 01:08–08:22 | Gary's stand-up origin & first bombing | | 08:59–23:39 | Black comedy rooms, cheat codes & authenticity| | 15:01–18:34 | Navy/Comic View double-life | | 19:25–21:45 | Approaching different audiences | | 23:39–25:05 | Ralphie May’s cruise debacle | | 31:25–34:51 | Working with Eddie Murphy & Martin Lawrence | | 36:03–38:42 | Twin specials, “Undercover Boss” bit | | 42:40–45:47 | “Tom or Black” voice game | | 46:18–59:06 | Sports stories, Bengals, comic/fan tensions | | 60:51–64:48 | Moving to Texas, comedy's resurgence | | 65:48–67:27 | “Water Champ” running joke |

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Tone and Style

The episode is equal parts candid, insightful, and irreverent—exactly “Your Mom’s House” at its best. Gary Owen brings a sincere, veteran comic's wisdom filled with wild stories and humility, while Tom and Christina riff, empathize, and keep things weird in the best way. There’s a spirit of camaraderie and a celebration of how diverse the stand-up path can be—plus the occasional detour into sports, pooping, and dancing for laughs.

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Takeaways

• Breaking into unfamiliar comedy rooms takes authenticity, humility, and—sometimes—a “cheat code.”
• Relationships, networking, and being yourself on stage count more than calculated pandering.
• Legends like Eddie Murphy, Martin Lawrence, and Dion Sanders appear just as inspiring and down-to-earth offstage as they seem.
• Cincinnati pride runs deep among these “Mommies.”
• The road to comedy “success” is rarely a straight line, but it sure is full of great stories.

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Listen if you want:

• To learn what it really takes to thrive in different stand-up circuits
• Wild behind-the-scenes stories about stars and clubs
• An authentic guide to “reading the room”
• Or if you just need a laugh from comics who’ve seen—and survived—it all

Check out Gary’s specials: “No S” & “Broken Family” on YouTube.

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Transcript

[A]

Well, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

[B]

Welcome to another episode of your mom's house. As always, I'm joined by my beautiful co host Christina. And joining us for the first time, long overdue, another Cincinnati native. You can see his special no. S available right now on YouTube. You can get tickets to see see him live at Gary Owen live. It's Gary Owen, everybody.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Thank you for coming in, man.

[A]

Nah, this is awesome.

[B]

This is cool. We're both Cincinnati guys by birth and I've heard that probably a hundred thousand times in the 20 some odd years I've been doing stand up. And I can't believe I've never met you.

[A]

That's wild.

[B]

Everyone's always like, oh, you must be good friends with Gary. I'm like, I mean, I'm a fan. I know who he is, but I've never met him. Dude. Yeah, I've never met him.

[A]

That's wild how comedians will just be in circles and you'll, you'll see your name at a club coming a couple weeks later or something. But then you never really, you're like.

[B]

I've never met that dude. For 20 years, I've never met that dude.

[A]

But that's wild.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Did you start, where did you start doing stand up, dude?

[B]

I started in la, which is like the, the advice everyone would be like, don't do that.

[A]

You move there to be a stand up.

[B]

No, I moved there because I, I wanted to do movies. I wanted to do comedy movies. And I thought, like, in my research, I was like, oh, you know what, the trajectory that like makes sense. I saw that people would go to the Groundlings, go to this, like the school they have make it into the Sunday company that performs.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I was like, oh. And then SNL just pulls people from that, and then those people end up there and then they end up in movies. I was like, I'll just do that. That makes sense. So I moved there, I started the Groundlings. I started going through the levels of the school and I met some of the guys in like the class just were like, you know, you would like stand up. And I was like, I've never thought of doing stand up. And so they took me around, like, showed me how they did spots, you know, and I was like, yeah, what do you, like, how do you do this? And then because of that, they introduced me one day and like one of these small rooms, they're like, oh, he's a comic. And I was like, yeah. And then they're like, do you want to do a show next Thursday. I was like, sure, yeah. And then I just threw myself.

[A]

What year was this?

[B]

2002.

[A]

Oh, wow. Yeah, that was. Yeah, I was kind of already out there a little bit.

[B]

Yeah. That's when I. That's when I started. And then. And then I just kind of, as I start. Oh, I fell in love with it and then I started to, like, pull back from the other stuff, like going to these, you know, improv school and all that and just focusing on stand up. And then it just, you know, took off, like, just kept going.

[A]

Huh?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Interesting. Everybody got a different story.

[B]

You started in Cincinny?

[A]

I started in San Diego.

[B]

Oh, in San Diego.

[A]

I was in the Navy, so I thought, I thought you had to start in la. I didn't think you could start in whatever city you was at. So I. I thought you got to get to la. I also thought the whole state of California was la, Right. So I'm thinking David Lee Roth, California girls. I didn't know there was a Eureka and a Fresno.

[B]

Yeah, it's a big ass state. Yeah.

[A]

I remember my first day I got stationed in San Diego. So I joined the Navy because I was in a trailer park in Hamilton, Ohio. And then I was like, how do you, how do you get out of here? The military was the one place I go, oh, they're going to fly me. They're going to actually get me out of this place because I didn't know where I want to go. That's where I want to be. So I was like, all right. I said, if I just get to California, I can start stand up. I just got to get there. So first two years I'm in dc, we're in the honor guard. And then they gave me a shot to get Stacia. San Diego? Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

My first day in San Diego, the plan is all in my brain, like, this is it. So I call this place. I'm in the phone book mid-90s. I call this play called the Comic Castle. And I said, hey, you guys got Open mic? And he said, hold on, let me check. I go, huh?

[B]

Let me check. Yeah.

[A]

He comes back. That's kind of what we do here. It was a comic book store. He was looking for a superhero named Open Mic, I guess. So he calls me, he goes, I can't find him. I go find him. What? He goes, And I'm kind of dumbfounded on the phone. He goes, man, what are you looking for? I go, no, I'm a comedian, man. I've never been on stage But I'm saying I'm a comedian.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

He was like, I'm a comedian. He goes, oh, it's a comic book store. Nah, you gotta call the comic store in La Jolla. And he gives me the guy's number. And then that's where there was open mic on Sundays. Yeah, it's the only day you can get up. So I called, I went up. Didn't go well. And Bobby Lee was on that show, though. He was open mic in back then. We started open mic in together. Really? He was probably your in before I started.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then it took me about another. God, probably seven months, eight months to get the nerve to go back up after that first night.

[B]

After the first night?

[A]

Yeah. It was because I. I was. I thought that was it. Well, there's more. I got kicked out. I got banned from that one night. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What'd you do? I was 20, and there was like 10 people in the audience, but like, 20 comics in the back. And they weren't heckling, but they were doing what comics do. They were giving me the loud before the punchline. You know, I got this five minutes I've been working on my whole life. I got. I can't turn right or left, so I'm getting flustered. So I just went. I had a beer in my hand. I go, hey, all you comics in the back, go ahead and keep heckling. I go, I'm 20 years old. I've been drinking in this club all night. Why don't I call the cops and shut this down? So they. When I saw the mic went off, yeah, the lights went off. Two of the bouncers just grabbed me by the back of the shirt, and they threw me out the front door. And I did, like, a front roll. And then I dusted myself off. And there was a guy named Fred who won America's Funniest Home Videos. He had the crutches. Something was wrong with them. I remember he came out with his crutches and he stood on me. Never come back. You're banned. So I was like, that sucked. I didn't go, like a thought.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then. So it took me, like, a few more months to figure out, oh, there's other places I can go up in San Diego.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

So then that. That's when I really got started, and I had to go back and apologize. And when.

[B]

How. How long was it before you went back to La Hoya's club?

[A]

It was probably not a year, but close to a year.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Because I was starting to do, you Know, took me a couple months, like. And you remember David Arnold passed away last year.

[B]

The name is familiar.

[A]

He was just. It sucks. He was just starting to bubble up, really get. Got a Netflix special he wrote on a lot of stuff.

[B]

Oh, man. Man.

[A]

So he. Yeah, he passed away, Ste. Yeah, dang. Three years. Three years ago already. I had ACL reconstructive surgery, and his first wife was my. The girl doing my paperwork on my knee. And I went to her cubicle, and she had all. All these articles at David about a comedian in San Diego. Go, who's that? And she goes, oh, that's my husband. I go, I'm a comedian. And came. I'm in the Navy. I've been up that one time.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And she goes, oh, I gotta get you in touch with my husband. So I called him, and he said, all right, man, that's what you got to do. You got to get a headshot. You got to get a resume, got to get a bio, and you got to get some time on a VHS tape. You got to send out to the clubs. And I go, so I get a headshot, I get bio. I got a fake. Everything's fake.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm still in the Navy, and I'm sending it out to all these clubs all across the country with no VHS tape, hoping they'd call back. And so I kept calling him every week, and he wouldn't return my calls. I'm like, man. So then I started going up a lot in San Diego, and then I started to build, like, you got your little. You know, the. The open mic is its own community.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

So I started to get in with everybody, and then they was like, you know, Gary's pretty funny. He's doing his thing. And so finally, David answered, like, six, seven months later. And he goes, hey, man, I purposely was avoiding your calls. He goes, because you were just going to spin your wheels. And he goes, I answered all your questions. So he goes, but now I see you're doing it. So then we start talking, then we start hanging out a little bit. That's really where it all got started. And then I had to apologize at a comedy store because all my buddies was over there.

[B]

How long did you stay in San Diego before you went to la? Or is that where you went? You went to la?

[A]

I was going to LA probably three, four days a week once I started open mic. And you make that drive.

[B]

Yeah. That's a serious commitment.

[A]

Most of the times I wasn't going up, but I just wanted to be around it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I sit in the back of the Comedy Store. I just pay. Sit in the back of the original room, Just watch. And then. And then I started to go up a little bit, get some spots, you know, it was a kind of shitty rooms and all that. And then it just kind of. I won the Funniest Black Comedian San Diego contest.

[B]

Insane. So wait a minute, hold on. Because, like, everybody knows in Stand up that you have a huge black following and that, like, that's, you know, it's a remarkable thing because here's the thing. When you, when you start doing Stand up, there's this thing about doing rooms that are outside of, like, who you are. In other words, there's gay rooms, right? There's black rooms, there's Latin rooms. Like, so it's always a thing to be like, hey, are you going to do this. This outside room? Right? And there's always more pressure on it because you're not one of the whatever group. So you always have, like, a little more anxiety, little more, like, focus, right? You're a little like, hey, I mean, fucking, I hope this goes right. And people would always do this thing, like, are you going to do the, like, the black rooms, especially felt like they were always the highest stakes because, you know, you already knew instinctively that there's a standard that they're going to let you know if you suck immediately, it's going to feel different than, like, a white club. It's going to. It's going to feel different. And then if it goes well, it's going to be euphoria. It's going to be a whole other level. And it's like, I did, you know, I just. In la, you know, I did the Comedy Union, which is on Pico. Oh, yeah, yeah. Ends.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

His name. And, you know, all black rooms. And then I would open sometimes in the club system for, like, black comics who had all black followings, basically. You know, like, everything. Like Witherspoon.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Tommy Davidson. I went out with Charlie Murphy a couple. So you were always like, all right, like, dial in.

[A]

Yes. But you.

[B]

From the. Was it from the jump, like, you were just like, I'm in these rooms. I'm just doing this.

[A]

Well, when I got kicked out of the Comedy Store that, that first time we ever went up, yeah, I. I was telling, like, some. Some black guys I was in the Navy with, how it went. I go, man, that did not go. Like, I thought. I thought I was about to get discovered that night. Right, right.

[B]

And you were funny amongst your Navy friends.

[A]

Right. Everybody knew I never had nobody be like, you're crazy. It was like, I can see it. You're funny.

[B]

Owen.

[A]

And I could always make the black guys laugh, too, which was key, especially on the ships, because when you're in the middle of water, everybody, everybody sits in groups. Like, the Filipino guys are here. The Mexican guys are here. The black guys are here. White guys. I always sat with the black guys because I like football and basketball. Right. I want to talk. I didn't want to talk about race cars or how I hate it, you know, I hate at my wife type white guys. The white guys were really bad at that.

[B]

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[A]

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[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I'd always hang out with the brothers. We could talk about basketball. And if you're the one white guy, obviously I would always dig on them. You know, Larry Bird or, you know, Joe Montana type. Yeah, you know, so they're the ones that told me about the black knights in San Diego, they go, dude, you can go here. You can go here. So with the mainstream rooms, which is the Comedy Store, and I didn't know anybody else over there. I didn't know where to go, but the black guys told me where to go. So I was like, oh, I can get up three, four times a week. I go, I just want to go up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I was so naive. I don't even realize I'm in a bad neighborhood. I'm just driving in. What's the address? Going in all these window bars, I noticed nothing, you know?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's a lot of liquor stores out here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So then that's what really got me into, quote, unquote, the black world. And then at the same time, when I started going to la, I did the whole wait in line for three hours to open mic at the Comedy Store.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And though when I finally got selected, the showcase for Mitzy Shore, the time I went up, I'll never forget, it was four girls at me. We were the five, and I was the fifth at all of them. When I went up to do my five minutes, I looked in the back of the original room, and Mitzy's, like, talking to the other four girls, paying no attention.

[B]

That's how mine went, by the way.

[A]

And. And I know it sounds conceited, but I. I clearly had the best set that night. Right. So I was like, I should be good. And then when they called me a couple. Yeah, Missy doesn't think you're ready. I went, what? And then, like, I don't know what happened to the girls, but I was just, like. I told myself, I'm never going up there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I never have.

[B]

Never.

[A]

Just the Black Knights. I would do the Comedy Store. I would do the Main Room.

[B]

Right.

[A]

On Fat Tuesday.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But guy Tori was running Fat Tuesdays at the time, so he'd always give me a spa, like, once a month, once every six weeks. So I drive up and then I go do it and then finally end up moving over there. But that's really how I started doing all the black rooms. And then San Diego had. We're looking for the Funniest Black Comedian San Diego contest. And I won it. But it was a. It was a. It was a fiasco. It wasn't like the top of the top. It was really bad. Yeah, yeah. And everybody was doing jokes I'd heard. I was like, I've heard owls. A lot of music cues. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was like, oh, this kind of. It was a landslide. It Was. It was bad. And then there was a guy named Demilitante Daryl Littleton, who was a producer of Comic you. He also went up. So he's the one that got me audition for Comic you. I got on and all this is like within the first two years of me doing stand up. This is like 96 and 98. And then I got on Confuc and I end up winning the whole thing. That got me the host of Comic Views Insane. And that's when I started going out the nightclubs and headlining. So I was still in the Navy when all this was happening. Still in the Navy because I was. I was driving up to la. Yeah, I wasn't doing any road gigs. And I remember my. The only time I ever featured for somebody, his name was Chaz Elsner at the El Paso Comic Strip. And they said, we're gonna pay you 500 Wednesday through Sunday.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

You got to get here. And we got a comic condo. Yeah, you know, the three of us, me, Chaz and whoever the host was at this comic condo. And I thought, how are they gonna make money? That is so much money. I really thought that, like 500. Hey, you guys gonna make money? I drove. I took a couple days leave. I got. I drove Wednesday morning, drove straight to El Paso, got there like a couple hours for the show. And I just remember to make it that week, Arby's had two dollar beef and cheddars. You get two of them? Yeah, that was lunch.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

I bought a box of Cocoa Puffs and gallon of milk. That was breakfast. And then I ate at the club, brought something back to the room. I was like, I came back like 400 to the good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was like, oh, this the life I'm living.

[B]

Good, dude.

[A]

I was driving that whole drive felt like five minutes. That's incredible because you just want to go up in a new city.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

But that was. That was the only time I feared for somebody. And then comic you called and that was the only time I really left town for a week while I was in the Navy. So then they called and said, we want to make you the host. And I was like, oh, I still got like a couple months left in the Navy here. How's this gonna work? But they weren't filming for another three months. So I just. My base and my command got creative and I. So I was literally hosting Comic View and active duty military at the same time. But my bass was real cool.

[B]

They were.

[A]

I'm not gonna throw them under the bus, but yeah, they worked away for me to. To go record.

[B]

They were on your side. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Come back down for a couple days.

[B]

You could have had.

[A]

And I'm on the gate, I'm waving cars on the. I'm. I'm a cop, so I'm wearing cars on the base and I'm on TV at the same time.

[B]

That's insane. That's crazy. Was just like a cool CEO didn't know. Oh, he didn't know.

[A]

The chief knew.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[A]

The chief was. Was looking out.

[B]

That's cool.

[A]

He basically. I can tell now. He put me on a part of the base that nobody was really paying attention to.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it was like people were, like, training to do something, and I was supposed to be grading papers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I was supposed to be in this office all day on this building that nobody's paying attention to on the base grading papers. I wasn't doing that. Yeah, but that's what they thought I was doing.

[B]

I wonder, as somebody who has, like, conquered this in. In doing these rooms in stand up, what would your advice be to, like, a. A white comic who's in it for a few years? Like, he has his act together, has his time, whatever, 10 minutes, whatever it is, and he's like, I'm going to do a black room tonight. Like, do you give him any advice in any direction? No, I say be you just do yourself.

[A]

I saw. When I first started coming up and doing Fat Tuesday, you didn't see a lot of white guys going up. I was like, the only one. I saw Sebastian go up and.

[B]

And destroy being himself.

[A]

But he did. He did the Jamie Foxx thing from Ray. He turned the spotlight on him. Like, all the lights was up. He goes, no, when I go up, all the lights go out. And you hit me with that spotlight in the. In the main room. And. And I was like. And this. I think this is before Ray came out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So when I saw the movie Ray, I go, wait a minute. That's. That. That did do. That guy did. At the common store. I didn't really know who Sebastian was.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This is probably 2000, I'm guessing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I saw him just destroy. And I was like, I think with black audiences and the biggest difference between white houses. Black eyes have no skeletons in their closet. If you're. If your cousin special needs, talk about it. If your cousin's gay, talk about it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But don't. Don't try to snowball us.

[B]

Right?

[A]

You know, I mean, and I did cheat. I had a cheat code in the beginning because I would dance so I'd come out and put on some, I don't know, Destiny's Child or hip hop, hit him with a couple dances, like, oh. And then I kind of got him. Yeah, it was a little bit of a cheat code, bro.

[B]

I had some dance moves, too, but.

[A]

Then when you hit, like, 35, you're like, I should probably stop this. I remember thinking, when does this end? When does the dance moves end? To get them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because, you know, could you come out and they're like, oh, it's a white dude. Then you hit him with a couple dance moves. Hip hop dancers are like, all right. Yeah, all right.

[B]

I think I heard a funny. I. Dude, I swear, this is. I heard this from Louis, I think, once, where he was at. I think at the Improv, the Melrose Improv. And it was like, whatever. You know, whatever night.

[A]

The Monday night.

[B]

Monday night show.

[A]

Monday night was. That was the ghettoest of all of them.

[B]

Well, he's on this show, and they go. They intro. They're like the writer director of Pooty Tang. So the whole audience is like, oh. Like, they. They don't know who that is. They're like, yeah, we know. Pudd Tang. And then he walks up and they were like, huh. And then he did like, you know, like a Louis. I forget what the joke was, but. But his. He said that, you know, he did, like, some throwaway kind of line and that people were like, nah, hell no. Go.

[A]

Well, what I will say.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To go there like, you know, someone like Ralphie May or like Lewis, you know, some guys are like, I don't know. They. They kind of go there with the race stuff a little bit. You do have to build some kind of rapport. You have to build before you go in. Like, I could get away with a lot more than a lot of people.

[B]

Yeah. They know you.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They trust you.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think sometimes, because I. There was always a story about Ralphie May on this thing called the Tom Joyner. Tom Joyner Morning Show. Had this big cruise every year. It's just all black people on the cruise.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I did it five or six times. Always went great. One year they brought Ralphie, and it didn't go well at all. And it's one thing to get booed, but to get booed on a ship.

[B]

Yeah. You're not nowhere to go. Yeah.

[A]

And it was.

[B]

You're not parked in the back. Oh.

[A]

I don't know what joke he said, but it was something the extent of. I don't want to misquote. Him because he's not here no more. But yeah, it was. It was along the lines of, I'm shocked to see this many black people on a ship after all you've been through. Along those lines. Right. It was. They were like this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What? And keep in mind the Tom Joyner cruise is nothing but college educated.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Black people, they're. They're not a part of that. We don't have W2 crowd. You know what I mean? They're like, what. They said it got. They say phones don't work on ships. Yeah, bullshit. Because my phone was ringing.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Like, why they bring him where you at? Like, why am I the only white guy that can do that? Ship, they said, but I had to come back the next year. And that's the first I said. I said, I already heard what happened last year. You all know me here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. But I heard it didn't go well. But that was like one of the things. If. If Raf would have had enough rapport, it would have been he could have got away with something. But when you go up as they don't. They didn't know who you were. Yeah. They said it was bad.

[B]

Well, especially if you like that. That's a funny joke. It's a funny observation If. If you're unknown to that. Like, if you don't have the rapport and like you open with that, that can set you. Because it's different to drop that like 40 minutes in.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, like if you have something going and.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You make that joke. Everyone's like, yeah, it's funny. But if you like out of the gate, like, nice to meet you. Funny that you're here.

[A]

I mean, that was what I heard. That was it.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

It was like. And they, they said, oh. And then they said, he. Cuz on this Tom Jonah Cruise, you don't go up once. You go up like three, four times over the week. They said he came back the next night to apologize. My bad about last night didn't mean nothing, but. And then he did another like, boom. And they was like, you. And it was something about, oh, I don't want to repeat it. It was somehow what a. What a black woman's vagina looks like.

[B]

Nice.

[A]

That was the gist of it.

[B]

Right. My apologies.

[A]

And the only reason I know that is because some black girl came up to me the next week, next year and said, yeah, that dude last year. I don't know what he was talking about. He was talking about what a black woman's pussy. What the Hell, he know what a black woman. I know you know, Gary. I know you know, you could have said that. Cause we know, you know, but he ain't never seen no black pussy. I was like, they said the apology went bad. They said the crowd went, all right. What?

[B]

What? Dude? Yeah, that. Well, rest in peace, Ralphie. You were. Yeah.

[A]

You know, for me, I love. I like dark humor, like most comedians, but I could see where I went left, and I was like, that was kind of. That was kind of ballsy. I kind of gave him respect.

[B]

Yeah, that's. To go there, to go there, to go for it.

[A]

I was like, to go there out.

[B]

Of the gate is different, too. I mean, I think we've all had it where you're like, I'm gonna open with this.

[A]

I mean, that's literally. That's a boxer.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like Peter McNeely in that Mike Tyson fight.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He just said, I'm gonna go out swinging.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was coming in just throwing haymakers from jump, so just.

[B]

He also said he was gonna wrap him in a cocoon of fear.

[A]

Yeah. Right before he went.

[B]

And he's like, I will wrap him in a cocoon of fear.

[A]

And you're like, what? That's what I think that was the best pre fight interview with Peter McMillan in the locker right before he goes. From my family. Yeah, From Medford.

[B]

He was about to cry. Like, he was.

[A]

He saw his dad go, pete, not me. No, no, this ain't gonna happen.

[B]

Have you ever seen how this show normally opens, by the way? Okay, so we usually play an opening clip.

[A]

I just started hot, didn't I?

[B]

No, no, no. It's perfect. Okay. But I'm just gonna play you like what normally happens here. Just that we find a clip and we play it as the opening of the show.

[A]

I'm Ryan, and I want to be.

[B]

Farted on by a Brazilian cutie with a big booty. I mean, there's something magical about getting pink.

[A]

Ey.

[B]

That way. And then this is the. How the show officially opens.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I think we did, right.

[B]

I think it was great. But Ryan wants farts. Brazilian farts.

[A]

I think Ryan should be happy. Anybody farts on his face, he welcome to your mom's house.

[B]

We've played clips of him, and then.

[A]

Is he a stand up?

[B]

No.

[A]

Okay, good.

[B]

I think he works in safety.

[A]

Okay, good. I don't want to see him on the road, but hey.

[B]

Yeah, I think he has, like, orange. You know, like. Like an orange vest on and putting cones down. That kind of Thing is he.

[A]

Oh, is he the guy you play? You play him a lot?

[B]

I mean, we found a few videos of his where he just keeps talking about how he wants a big ass in his face. Which is cool. It's fine. Yeah. I don't know if it works, but we try to help him by promoting his message. Now he's saying he wants to get farted on, which is different.

[A]

You know you can get that done?

[B]

Definitely. Yeah.

[A]

I mean, for the right price. People do a lot.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I've seen videos where people are like, yeah, this guy pays me 200 bucks to on him.

[A]

I mean, have you seen the, the, the rumors? There's always these only fans and Instagram models. They go to like the Middle East.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's supposed to be just wild going on. They're getting flown private.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Coming back with like 300,000. Their bank account. They want to get pissed. And on.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I go, I'm just gonna try to be funny. Just try to tell jokes.

[B]

The mindset of like being some Middle Eastern, you know, multi million billionaire. And you're like, yeah, I've done all the stuff that you guys turns you on. It's boring to me. Yeah. Can I on a model, like a beautiful. Can I get a. Be like a 10 over here and I'll on her face.

[A]

Yeah. And maybe I'll once like, like, yeah.

[B]

Like Jesus Christ.

[A]

With broken spine and limbs. Oh, you guys went dark.

[B]

Holy. She's 20. She's gorgeous. This is a gorgeous Ukrainian girl.

[A]

10 days.

[B]

Yeah. Some guy like you come here, we give you a hundred thousand dumped on.

[A]

The side of the road in Dubai.

[B]

Holy. She went on. Including a broken spine.

[A]

That's a lot.

[B]

She was taken to the hospital. She underwent several surgeries, the officials have explained. They said the model entered a restriction a restricted construction site alone and fell from a height. Okay. That's. That's what beautiful 20 year olds are usually like. Hey, are they making a building here? I'd love to see what type of concrete's being used.

[A]

Yeah. She's gonna be all right. I read that last one. Get a medical treatment. Everything will be all right.

[B]

Shit. Everything will be all right. And she's going back. She's going back with a big bank account. Come on. She looks like AI bro.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's insane. Some guy just was like, I wonder how hard I can hit someone.

[A]

Back. She had price had to sign the airtight NDA.

[B]

Holy.

[A]

She declared and read it probably said if your spine breaks, you can't say nothing.

[B]

You Were visiting a site.

[A]

Right. Crazy.

[B]

I like how the family's saying they believe that she did not fall at a construction site. Like.

[A]

Yeah, I know.

[B]

That is the least believable lie.

[A]

That.

[B]

That girl was like, what are they making here? This is cool.

[A]

This a condo.

[B]

Can I get a tour? It's so insane.

[A]

So, like, the. The Eddie Murphy girl died. Remember that? The girl that went after Eddie Murphy, like, in 97.

[B]

The.

[A]

On Santa Monica.

[B]

Okay. Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And then it was a trans. Transvestite. And then he. Or she. I don't know which one it was, fell off the roof of the apartment building.

[B]

Really? Yeah, I don't remember that.

[A]

And it was like the room. The. The. The paper said she locked herself out and she tried to swing in from her shawl from the roof into her window, but the window was closed and she. She fell to her death.

[B]

Yeah, that's a normal.

[A]

Yeah, right there, look. 1998.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Sex worker being a police getting emergency SUV was unaware of the driver pulled over. Police.

[B]

Holy.

[A]

Does it say how she died?

[B]

There you go.

[A]

On April, a neighbor found her down the sidewalk, discovered wearing only her bra, pants, and a towel. She was locked at her apartment and tried to use a towel as a rope to slide down or swing from the roof to an open window. Instead, she fell five floors, suffered head trauma. Yeah, that happened.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Nothing. Nothing shady there. When I read that. That was when you used to get newspapers. Right? Right. I'm literally in LA at the time. I'm looking at the LA Times. It's like on the fifth page, and I go, what? And even I'm like, what? How is this the fifth page? And you never heard nothing about it ever?

[B]

No.

[A]

Till right here.

[B]

That's really crazy. Do you. Have you ever met Eddie?

[A]

I did Daddy Daycare with him.

[B]

How was it?

[A]

It was cool.

[B]

He's just like. I was just. First of all, he really does seem ageless, you know? Like, you're like this. I mean, basically looks like kind of the same as when you.

[A]

Nah. Eddie was a. He was the coolest. Like. And Grant, this was 20 years ago. We did Daddy Daycare, but we did the. Did the audition. Got it. Did. Did the table. He wasn't there for that. We blocked the scene that morning. He wasn't there for that. And then when it was time to shoot, he showed up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I remember my first interaction is I come around the door, and I'm in this big carrot outfit, and Eddie's standing there. And at. For literally 30 seconds, I was. I was listening to him talk. But I wasn't registering what he was saying.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I'm dissecting everything else. His nose.

[B]

Yeah, that's it.

[A]

He's ears.

[B]

His teeth. Yeah.

[A]

I'm like, I'm, because I'm this close. And then he, we did it. And he goes, hey man, you're a funny dude. And he quoted one of my jokes. I go, shut up. You know one of my jokes. But he would always be in the back of the Comedy Store on Tuesdays a lot.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so he'd always find out later they go, eddie was here tonight. And so then the fact he knew one of my jokes, I was like kind of validated it.

[B]

Yeah, that's so, I mean that's the, has to be the best feeling. I mean I, I, I have a friend that knows him that said that. Even now he loves watching, he watches specials a lot. So he sits around.

[A]

He knows everybody.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Everything.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's up to date with all that.

[B]

I just can't believe that like in stand up is like in comedy especially. One of the things that the trade offs is like you can be cool, but you're not that cool. Right.

[A]

Like, like Eddie Murphy cool.

[B]

But that's like Eddie is like the exception of like remarkably funny and he has the coolness of like a leading man action guy. You know, I mean like most of the time if you're a com, like if you do stand up, you just, you're not that cool. You know, you, you trade off a little bit of coolness to be funny.

[A]

And that's my first time meeting.

[B]

That's you right there.

[A]

That was right there. He comes around the corner. You know what I'm talking about? Nervous, holding that goddamn carrot.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

Like, is Eddie Murphy about to walk around the corner? Is he about to walk around the corner?

[B]

That's wild.

[A]

Oh yeah, Steve's on Jeff Garland.

[B]

Yeah. That's crazy, dude.

[A]

Yeah, that was awesome. I've been lucky in my career. I've worked with every a list black comedian. Like I got Jamie Foxx right off the bat. Did held up with him and then we did rebound with Martin Lawrence and did little man with the weigh ins. I've done four, four or five movies. Kevin Hart, like it's been like as far as like black Hollywood. I was like, yeah, I got to work with all of them.

[B]

The top's here, dude. I feel like Martin doesn't get celebrated as much as he should.

[A]

He's oh, that Martin show.

[B]

Jesus.

[A]

To this day now the. I love how social media the clips pop up now. Yeah, they still hold up.

[B]

They still hold up, man. Also in. When Def Jam was like the hottest show, it was crazy because you. You would see, like, really funny people. But I always had this thing where I was like, I couldn't wait for him to come back. Like, I was waiting for the host. Even if he was going to do something transitional, like, hey, give it up. He was, because he was so charismatic and so funny, that even 15 seconds of him, I was like, yeah, that. That was awesome. Like, I just.

[A]

It was the original crowd work. Dude, you never. I. I always said, like, the Def Jam, that. That struck me, like, oh, the media can portray somebody one way. They could be completely different. Remember Derek Coleman from Syracuse and then in Detroit and all that? They always act like he was the biggest and like, he always had a scowl on his face. And then he was in the audience at Def Jam. And Martin went off on him, like, talking about he. His girlfriend or something like that. Kidding. And this guy's hitting guy next to him and dying. I go, wait a minute.

[B]

Yeah, I thought.

[A]

I thought. I thought he was about to get out of the seat and beat Martin's ass. And I was like, he's laughing at that. Oh, I can't believe everything I see on tv. And how they.

[B]

You can't.

[A]

How they show people.

[B]

Remember. Do you watch the one where he lit up? Anthony Mason?

[A]

Oh, my God. Him and John Starks was in the audience. Oh, yeah, I remember that. There's so many good ones.

[B]

So many good ones. But he was like, dude, it wasn't.

[A]

The same after 11. This is no disrespect to Joe Tory or then they brought it back years later with Mike, Eps and DL. It was never like those first three years.

[B]

No, that was incredible, dude. That was the best run where you shoot because you have a new. You've done a bunch of specials, but the.

[A]

The.

[B]

Sorry, the. What's it called? The S. No S. No S. Where you shoot it?

[A]

San Jose at the Improv.

[B]

Oh, that's a beautiful room.

[A]

Yeah. Well, this one came about. It's crazy how it came about, because you know how Stan, I saw you. You. You work so hard for your hour. Yeah. When you're gonna get it? And I go, all right, so Friday we shot this one called Broken family. That's on YouTube. And then Saturday morning, we did two episodes. I mean, we did two shows Friday. And then Saturday I woke up, was talking to my manager. He's a coffee shop. And I go, yo, did we get last night? Clean. And she goes, yeah. I go, I think I got another hour. I think we can do it.

[B]

What the, man?

[A]

So she was like, yeah. She goes, all right, let's write it down. So we're at the coffee shop, and I'm just writing bullet points down, right? I go, I got this. I got this. I got. I said, I think I got it. So she. We taped. I remember it was one through 12. We taped 12 words. So on the stage, in case I got lost, because I was so focused on the other hour. I know it's newer, but I knew I had, like a. I only had to get through, like, 45 minutes because I had this joke about Undercover Boss that was like 15 minutes long, and it's in this special. And I had shot it for my special, like, two, three years ago for Showtime. And Showtime said, you got to take that joke out because they're Showtime and Undercover. Both are both under, like, the CBS umbrella, and that was one of their most profitable shows. And they said, so you got. I go, really? I said, I'm not even. I'm making fun of it, but I'm not putting it down. Yeah, I thought that was a little much.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I told Lisa. That's what made me think of it when I woke up, Sarah, I said, yo, I still got the Undercover Boss, bitch. We never aired it.

[B]

Yeah, I can do it.

[A]

And then she was like, she's all right. So we just came with the other 45. And honestly, it. It came out way better than what I thought. I thought, let's just wing it, and if we don't use it, we don't use it. But it came out. I got done with the hour ago. That was. That felt good. Then we did a second time. Felt good. So I ended up getting two specials for the price of one, basically.

[B]

That's insane. It's insane as a comedian that you were capable of doing that. That is, I mean, unbelievable, dude.

[A]

But here's what's funny. Yeah, it's the same outfit. It's the same stage, because you wear.

[B]

The same on both.

[A]

Yeah, that's funny because I've only brought. Yeah, yeah. I brought that shirt twice. Yeah, I brought two pair of jeans.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because you gotta switch fries there. I was like, if you watch Broken Family and no s, it really could be a two hour special.

[B]

Sure. But that's still so impressive that you could do that. I mean, that's wild that you just had another hour sitting in your head like, yeah, I could do this other tonight.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Crazy.

[A]

Yeah. But I Mean, it came about because the Undercover Boss bit, I was like, that's what the catalyst was. I can do that.

[B]

Oh, yeah, the reality show, right?

[A]

Like, where the boss goes in, they. They hide out, put him a wig.

[B]

And a fake nose.

[A]

Yeah. But that was the. The gist of the joke was like the going through covet. You start watching a bunch of shows you wouldn't watch.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I go, I. It ruined Undercover Boss. I used to like it, but it always ends the same. Yeah, it's the same. It's always a sob story. And then they're gonna overreact. They're gonna give you.

[B]

I know you work in the warehouse and you have three kids that are in college.

[A]

We're gonna pay for them to go to college.

[B]

And then they have to do the thing to the guy. That was kind of a. Yeah, the way you talked about women's tits was really offensive to me.

[A]

Here at Hooters, we have a standard.

[B]

We have a standard, and you didn't meet that standard. Don't disrespect them. So you can get. And you're like, oh, wow, what a great guy.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Look at this guy. Jesus.

[A]

I don't think the show's on anymore.

[B]

Is it not? It had a good run. Yeah, that's a real good run.

[A]

I think we had a. You. We. We auditioned for a movie. I think you got the part because I got called back, like, two, three times. You know how you go up for a movie, then you watch it? Like, I think that's the part. Did you do a movie with Mark Wahlberg? Yeah, some family movie.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep.

[A]

Yeah. They kept calling me back, then they go. And then, you know, you do an audition, and then you're like, just put it to bed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then when they call you back, you're like, what?

[B]

Yeah, that's. Yeah, yeah, that's us there. Yeah, that's on the set.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. You were the dad, right? Did you have babies?

[B]

Me and Alan. Rachel, the girl there. We were. We were a couple. That was. I was. I was Mark's brother in law, like her, the girl and. And Rose.

[A]

Family? Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Family. Yeah, the.

[A]

That's your audition tape?

[B]

I have no idea.

[A]

Hysterical. I did mine in my basement. I was living in Cincinnati at the time.

[B]

I found out that they also almost cast God, Paul Hauser for that role too.

[A]

Oh, really? I can see that.

[B]

I was like, oh, yeah, he's way better choice.

[A]

That was like, David. You know David Koechner.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I did a movie with him. And when I sat down with him, I go, dude, you know, you've, like, killed my movie career. I go. I go, he's got, like, three parts, bro. Yeah, like, iconic parts.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That I. That I went in for at the time. Like. Like anchorman.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Whammy. And then when you watch, you're like, why didn't I think of that? Yeah, he's.

[B]

He's great.

[A]

He's really good.

[B]

Really good. Yeah. Super funny guy. But, yeah, you've had a great run in movies, too, man. Like, it's awesome.

[A]

Yeah. It's funny when you talk about. Think like. Like, think like a man was probably a big one, you know, but it was funny. Like, I remember when I got the call for that, I didn't have to audition.

[B]

That's the best. Oh.

[A]

Because you know what sucks is when you do do auditions, you're like, you know, you can just give me it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I've gotten given to me.

[B]

Great to offer.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Will Packer was a producer. I'll never forget he called me. He goes, hey, Gary, I got this movie, man, Steve Harvey book. He goes, I need a white guy that can hang out black guys but not try to be black. He goes, but I need somebody that can kind of give it to him a little bit on the law. I was like, all right. Yeah, but I remember. And I could be wrong, but I remember we were talking about Cassidy. There's two white guys. Chris Pratt was in the running for one because he wasn't who he is now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I remember when his name came up, I went, who's that? And they were like, the guy is on, like, Modern Family or not Modern Family.

[B]

Parks and Rec.

[A]

Parks and Rec. Yeah, he's on Parks, Right. I go, oh. And I looked at my. Go, oh, yeah, that guy's funny. Then I went, he looks a lot like me, though. And then they were like, yeah, we're. We're going back and forth with the studio. He goes. But Will was like, I'm going to bat for you. I said, all right. So I think Chris ended up all right.

[B]

Yeah, things worked out. Yeah, he's good. He's. He's real good now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's incredible, bro. Like, you. Oh, you want to play a game with me real quick?

[A]

Sure.

[B]

All right. Throw your. Throw your headphones on. So this is. So many people have done this game, okay. It's called Tom or Black, and it's a voice that you'll hear, and you have to vote whether it's me or a Black guy.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I should crush this.

[B]

I mean, there's a lot of pressure.

[A]

I should.

[B]

Yeah, you should. Just. Okay, here we go. Well, this is the intro to the game. Let's see this episode.

[A]

I'm the one that had the elephants roosting in trees, man. That's Tom Segura.

[B]

Okay, so here we go. I left a wallet there. You can also ask for repeats of.

[A]

Did you speed that up? No, say it again.

[B]

Okay, I left a wallet there.

[A]

That's a black guy.

[B]

So, yeah, he'll keep score in there. Okay, don't compliment that.

[A]

That's a black guy.

[B]

Okay. With my ass, man.

[A]

That sound like Dave Chappelle. I would say. No, that's you. That's Tom.

[B]

Here we go. God damn it.

[A]

That's you. Why?

[B]

He came through.

[A]

Black guy. That sounds you. I'm going go black guy. I think you're trying to trick me.

[B]

I mean, I'm always trying to trick you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you didn't come to the bottom. And here. Again.

[A]

Yeah, again. I think you're trying to trick me. I'm gonna go black eye.

[B]

Okay, Josh. How do you do?

[A]

Hold on. I gotta calculate the score. Or should we go through one by one?

[B]

Yeah, let's go one by one. That's a good idea. Okay.

[A]

Okay. So you wanna. You wanna play the first one back?

[B]

Sure. I left a wallet there. He said black. That's me.

[A]

I. If I was going to change one, it was that one.

[B]

Okay. Second one.

[A]

Don't compliment that.

[B]

He said black. That's a black eye. Cool. Good job, man.

[A]

With my ass, man.

[B]

He said, tom, That's a black guy.

[A]

Was that Chappelle?

[B]

No, it's a homeless guy in the street.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

But a character. He would have done.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

God damn it.

[A]

Said Tom.

[B]

That's a black eye.

[A]

I. I really. This game up.

[B]

It's okay. Why? He came through. What'd he say?

[A]

Black.

[B]

That's me. All right. He said black. That's a black guy.

[A]

That's too fright. And then you didn't cover the product.

[B]

He said black. Who was that? Is that me or the black guy?

[A]

That's you, right?

[B]

It sounds like me. Yeah, that was me.

[A]

What? I get two. Two out of what, six? Seven.

[B]

Two A seven. I gotta tell you, it feels good.

[A]

Not playing the game no more.

[B]

I've had. I've also had black people go. We did. We've done 10, and they've gone O for 10.

[A]

I've been thinking, like, you're trying to fool me, though. That's why I was like, you know.

[B]

Yeah, no, I mean, I'm definitely trying to.

[A]

Those are. But those aren't sped up or nothing.

[B]

They're not sped up. They're not manipulated. Yeah.

[A]

Is this bits from your act?

[B]

So, I mean, sometimes we throw in bits, like clips from a bit and then sometimes it's just, you know, I don't know. Like, I went to the Florida State Bama game this weekend, so I heard a lot of stuff and I'll probably.

[A]

How's that?

[B]

Unbelievable. It was great. They won at home. They were playing. They were unranked playing 8th ranked Bama as Bama. Bama coming. And they went. FSU went 2 and 10 last year. So you're like, they're going to get the absolute. Like that's what everybody. But the place was energized. They have a renovated stadium. Like there was just. There was energy, palpable energy at the game. And in every room, people were just vibrating.

[A]

Have you ever been to Colorado yet since Dion got there?

[B]

No. Have you?

[A]

Yeah, Well, I didn't go to a game. I went and did his talk show on Tubi. He's got a talk show.

[B]

Uhhuh.

[A]

And then Dion's so cool. I mean, I've known Dion for 20 some years, but he. The next day I caught a late flight because I wanted to see the facilities. So we go down there and Dion comes out and just like a classic. Dion just walks you around the entire place. You go up through his suite. It looks like exactly how you think of Dion suite. Like there's. I think there was a throne. You know what I mean? Everything's in gold.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And God, just golden God.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And Nike.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then even his, even his dressing room was just like all these Dion shoes lined up. Look like a. Like a trophy case of shoes. And it's just. It's all prime. Everything's prime, prime, prime, prime. But he is, he is the best. He's the re. He's a big reason why we was talking about earlier, like, you can't judge the Derek Coleman thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I'm not going to throw me under the bus, but I'll tell you off air, but he came to one of my shows at Caroline's 20 some years ago and he brought a. A white NFL guy. And everybody knows. And not that the white NFL guy was being a dick, but he clearly just wanted to get to his seat, not be bothered. Dion went through the kitchen. What's up, baby?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

High five. And the cooks, the chefs, you know, all Right, Man. And then he sits down. I was like, just complete man of the people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? And then I was just like, look, I'm trying to sit down.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? And there's nothing wrong with that either. I was like this. I go. But now I saw it. I go, the. The news of making Dion's a prima donna and a dick.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it would have been the other way around. Sure. I go, that's not what happened here.

[B]

He so cares. I did. I've never met him, but he did a podcast with me via Zoom, like, a couple years ago, and it was awesome. Like, because I. I'm a big FSU fan, and the foundation of that is being a kid and watching prime for sure.

[A]

You're so. You got. It's got to suck that you guys had Randy Moss.

[B]

Oh, dude.

[A]

And because he's. Did you watch.

[B]

Some people don't know that the. The. The story that Randy Moss first went to Notre Dame, got kicked out for.

[A]

For nothing.

[B]

For. It was a. That was the fight.

[A]

And in West Virginia.

[B]

I know. Then he goes to. Because, like, Bob was like, you can come down here. Yeah. Yeah. Take guys to fight. Right. And then he's on the team. That would have been. I guess it was 97 or 97. And that team was already goddamn loaded.

[A]

And they said he was torching your DBs.

[B]

Oh, dude.

[A]

He was like, who is this dude?

[B]

This dude's crazy. And then he gets booted from there.

[A]

For smoking a joint. Yeah, he. When I've. I've gotten really close to Randy over the years, I did his. When he got in the hall of Fame, he brought me to Minnesota to roast him. It was a real private event. But Randy's the best, right? So he. That ran university on espn, when he said he went into Bobby B's office and Bob Bell's like, yeah, they're gonna. You violate your probation, and they're gonna kick you off the team. And, yeah, you might go to jail for a little bit. And Randy goes for smoking a joint. Like you would have thought. He completely, like, robbed the bank and violed the parole like that. He goes, I just literally went home. My boys was sitting on the corner at this gas station, and I took a hit of a joint. And then it's.

[B]

I know.

[A]

It was so ridiculous the way they treated him.

[B]

For people that watched games in that era, that means it would have been Peter Warwick and Randy Moss running routes. I mean, they were already dropping crazy points on people. They were so Dominant in that.

[A]

Who was. You had the old quarterback back then, right?

[B]

Yeah, yeah. That was a Winky.

[A]

Was it?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Chris Winky.

[B]

Yeah, his name.

[A]

He's like 30.

[B]

Yeah. They're like, yeah. He's got three kids. He's got a mortgage.

[A]

Yeah. Randy's the best boy.

[B]

I met him at the Brady Roast. He was. Yeah, he was awesome.

[A]

Nice. And I. I told a buddy of mine one time when I go to Charlotte, oh, he'll come scoop me. We'll go get something to eat, right? I didn't, because my buddy's a. My opener is a football fanatic.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I said I didn't tell him who it was because I knew he might freak out a little bit. So I was like, hey, my buddy's gonna pick us up for lunch today. I goes, meet me in the lobby at like, 1 o'. Clock. All right. So we're out in front of the Mary out there in Charlotte, and he goes. I said, hey, he's gonna be in a big pickup. I said, I'm gonna tell you who it is now, so don't freak out when you get a car. I go, it's Randy Moss. He goes, what? I go, that's why I didn't tell you before. And then he goes. He goes, dude, you start moving. Yeah.

[B]

He goes, I'm go change my shirt, man.

[A]

What. What's he gonna be driving? I go, I guarantee you he'll be in a pickup. I go, there'll be fishing rods in the back. There'll be dirty gym clothes in the bed of the truck. I go, it ain't gonna be like hall of fame, Randy. This dude is country.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So we get in the truck, it was like, Randy heard me talking. There was shoes and gym clothes that were dirty. There's lures and earthworms in the back of the truck. And he started. They started talking fishing, and I want to stab myself. Oh, yeah, we talk football.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm boys. What kind of lures you like? You know, you like deep sea. Randy's like, I hate deep sea fishing, man. Nah. You know, I'm from West Virginia, and I moved to Charlotte because I got a lot of bodies of water, because I like to put my pole in the ground. Like that bobber going under.

[B]

He's really country, yo.

[A]

Yeah, they talked fishing. I go, yo. And the Randy goes. And they're like, I never get to go fishing. I go, I'm gonna catch one fish. I'm not taking off the line. Yeah, it's one fish. I'm gonna hold it up and then I'm done not touching it. I don't do any of that.

[B]

I'm all good too, dude.

[A]

Yeah, that's him and Randy talking, fishing. I was like this. Randy didn't talk football at all.

[B]

You ever see those clips of him playing basketball with Jay Will?

[A]

Oh, ridiculous.

[B]

And then Jason's like, yo, he was unbelievable.

[A]

That was his quarterback.

[B]

Yeah. Who he also was like, I wasn't he player of the year one year too? I think Jason was.

[A]

Well, I wonder why. Look who you're throwing to.

[B]

Just. Hey, I'll heave it up 12ft in the air. Just snag it. Yeah.

[A]

That's just wild to me. Like, Randy Moss is the most country redneck black guy you ever meet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Jason Williams is the most flavorful white guy you ever meet. But if you. If you get them together, the same.

[B]

Person, the same guy.

[A]

Yeah, that's what's wild.

[B]

Some West Virginia right there.

[A]

That is. Yeah, that's.

[B]

I just. I don't know. You see, like, Randy's one of those guys where you go, like, oh, there really are, like, aliens amongst us. You know, I mean, like something like that. You just go, there's the guy. The guy who can run a four. Three can't cover him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's really other level, man. He was.

[A]

He never looked like he was running hard.

[B]

No, like, casually. I'm casually doing a four, two right now, and I'm six four.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Unreal, dude.

[A]

Then he ended up at Marshall. You know, I. I grew up and we was talking before the area he was in Fairfield and Hamilton. You know why when I went to high school is Oxford. That's Miami of Ohio. You know, back then Marshall played Miami, it was in the same conference.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And they was like, that was the one game that stadium was over packed because Marshall came to Oxford.

[B]

And they were like.

[A]

They were like, we gotta see this. I think Miami beat him that year. I think Miami beat Marshall that year. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. It's. It is crazy that he ended up at a one double A program.

[A]

That's wild.

[B]

Yeah. Like the. Arguably the best player in the country is like, I'm gonna go to a different division school. This guy could have started anywhere in the country. It's crazy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You still a big sports fan, though? Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

What's your guy? Football. NFL football is my thing. So I'm die hard since I. Bengals.

[B]

That's nice to hear. You don't hear that a lot.

[A]

Bengals. Yeah. I mean, then we got.

[B]

I always. I always pull for the Bengals. Because I still have that affection. Oh, that was my first thing, you know, I mean, like, my dad's favorite sport was football, so we watched. We watched a lot of college ball and then NFL and Cincinnati. Like, that was the first game I ever went to. And then when we left Cincinnati, we left in like the winter, I guess. I think it was the winter of 88. We left the year they went to the Super Bowl.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. Boomer Siason team.

[B]

Yeah. Icky Win Woods.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Who I ran into, by the way, on a flight. Like, it was surreal because I'd never met him. And this is like 30 years later. And I was like, that's Icky Woods.

[A]

Yeah. And, yeah, he never got paid.

[B]

Never got paid.

[A]

They always. People always be like, he's selling meat door to door. I go, you realize he was like a fourth round pick, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He only played like two years. He never got paid.

[B]

The knees, his. I think his knees went bad.

[A]

Yeah. He only played like two, three years in the league. But that rookie year was ridiculous, crazy.

[B]

And if you're a kid, I mean, I had his poster Inky Shuffle. Come on. So we left and like we went to Minneapolis. And I remember I went because my parents were pretty Catholic and they're going to play in the super bowl. And I went to like the big downtown Cathedral in Minneapolis and I prayed like, please let the Bengals win the Super Bowl. Like that. They were like, what are you praying about? I was like, nothing. Just want to have a happy life.

[A]

And you don't even know, like, the guy Stanley Wilson got. They found him in the hotel room coked out of his mind.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

I was like, this. That was when that happened. I go, I think we're.

[B]

Yeah. But didn't we still have the opening kickoff go back?

[A]

No, it was a kickoff went back, not the.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Yeah. Stanford. Jenny's brought. It was like in the third quarter.

[B]

Yeah. He took one back to the house.

[A]

Like, Boomer didn't have a good game that game.

[B]

No. But also they put the San Francisco put together that it was a. It was a fourth quarter drive. John Taylor all like. Yeah.

[A]

And then like two passes before that, Lewis Billups had the ball right in his hands and dropped it to db. And I just went. I mean, it was Joe Montan. He doesn't do that. No, he threw it right to him and he dropped. I go, oh, we're done. It's like one of the things. You saw it coming. I go, we got the lead, two minutes left. I go, this is Joe Montana. This is what he does.

[B]

This is what he does.

[A]

And then I. It's crazy because I was in Syracuse at the Funny bone probably about 10 years ago. Joe's son was playing at Tulane, and they were up there to play Syracuse. And I saw Joe in the lobby, and I went up to him. I said, hey. First I went to the wife. I said, hey, what's up, man? Big football fan. I said, you know, I got. I know there's nothing to do here tonight. The game's at noon. I know you're not flying out after the game. Can't get out of Syracuse. I go, I'd like to invite you guys to a show. So they said, yes. I was shocked. His wife calls, yeah, I think we're going to come tonight. I was like, awesome. So I leave him tickets. He comes and hangs out in the dressroom for a few minutes. I don't think he really knew who I was, really. Right. Get done with the show. I asked if I can get a picture. Of course we get a picture. And then his guy took a picture, too. And then like a month later, I get this blown up picture of me in Montana. And he autographed it. And it's got, like, his seal at the bottom. He has to do that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I go, why you gotta be nice?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I hate it. I hate you, man. Yeah, why you gotta be cool?

[B]

That's. I was like, that's pretty rad.

[A]

Like, it just came out, left. His guy called and was like, yo, Joe, wanted to send you a thank you for. For get him in the show and everything.

[B]

Seal on it.

[A]

Yeah. It's got the Montana thing at the bottom. I still got. I got to hung up at the house. I'm like, I can't hang it up in the main room because people like, I thought you liked the Bengals.

[B]

Yeah, no.

[A]

So I got in the back closet.

[B]

Yeah. It's pretty cool, though, dude. That's. I remember being a kid because I'm only like 9 or 10 when this happens, and I was obsessed with Jerry Rice. Like, I loved Jerry Rice. And it was like the first time where I was like, oh, I actually. The feeling was, I can't believe I want Jerry Rice to lose. You know what I mean? Like, yeah, because, like, in the game, I was like, he's like an idol. And I was like, oh, but I don't want him to win. And that was like a conflicted feeling.

[A]

Yeah. I can't believe.

[B]

I want. As a kid, I want this guy that I admire to lose.

[A]

I mean, you Understand, in our business, like, you go to cities and some guys might come out on another team, and you're like, I'm a Bingos fan. Can't root for you.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Especially when you do well in cities, like, Pittsburgh's a great comedy market.

[B]

Fantastic.

[A]

Cleveland. And they, you know, the guys, coaches, or players will come out. You're like, I'm not supposed to like you.

[B]

Root for you.

[A]

And then when they invite you to the game.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're like, I'll tell them. I go, dude, I'm not. I won't wear Bingo.

[B]

Yeah, but I ain't wearing.

[A]

I'm wearing your. Yeah, And I'll. I'll golf clap. You know, I went to the AFC title game couple years ago, the Bengals played the Chiefs and sat in Travis Kelce's suite.

[B]

Uhhuh.

[A]

Because, you know, he's a Cincinnati guy, though.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So a lot of guys are from Cincinnati. That was. I sat. I just sat in the corner. Sweet. I was like this. And they was on me, though, because they knew.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They won. I was like. And then Travis was cool. I go, God damn it. Why you got to be cool?

[B]

Yeah, I know. Yeah. The both of them are rad. They're good guys, man.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I like them a lot. The. I've been invited to games where they go, hey, don't wear the opposing team's, like, colors and, and, like, you know, gear. And I was like, well, not a. I know. And they go, you'd be surprised.

[A]

I can imagine.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're like, some guys do it, like, as a badge of honor.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, I don't give a. Yeah. You know, like, no, I want to be invited back.

[B]

Yeah. No, be cool, dude. Yeah, be very cool, dude. This was. This was a treat. I, I, I really loved meeting you. Yeah. It's been literally 20 years of people being like, you know Gary, right. You guys are both from Cincinnati. I'm like, no, I don't.

[A]

It's. And it. It is wild in our business because you just, you just think we all know each other.

[B]

Yeah. And, like, and it's literally, like, you said, like, you look on the calendar, and you're like, oh, he's coming. Yeah, coming in a week. I won't be here.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What made you make the move to Austin before we get out of here?

[B]

It was the. It was during the pandemic, I always felt like, you know, I have a lot of. I lived in LA 19 years. I have a lot of affection for LA. There's things I still love about LA. But, like, during the pandemic, when it was, like, chaotic, you know, in the city, I'd never. My wife was raised, like, since she moved there when she was 2. She's a lifelong Angeleno. And every time, you know, sometimes you do weekends where, like, I would always get back from, like, Denver and be like, damn, that was awesome. Like, I love Denver. Yeah. She'd be like, yeah, we're not gonna fucking move there.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was like, yeah, okay. And then it was during the pandemic, where everything was shut down, where as it was progressing, she was like, hey, I'm. I'm okay to get out of here. I was like, for real? She was like, yeah. Like, we can do what we do from anywhere. Let's. Let's look. So I just kind of was like, okay. Started to, like, check out different cities and came here. This was one of those cities where every time I'd been on tour, I would go, oh, Austin was great. It was, like, a great week. So it was just, like, on the short list. It was only, like, four cities. We were considered all over.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then when she was like, I like this one. It was kind of like, okay, we're gonna look there, huh? Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's been. It's been over four years now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But you live in Texas.

[A]

Houston.

[B]

What made you choose Houston?

[A]

I got. I got a divorce.

[B]

How was that?

[A]

And I was like, all right.

[B]

Well, that was leaving. Where. Where did you live?

[A]

San Francisco. Oakland.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

So I was like. We had. We still had a house in Cincinnati, and then we had a house in California, too. So it was like I was kind of back and forth, and then when the divorce happened, I said, all right, I gotta be. I need a city with a hub because I'm still flying out just about every week.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, no state taxes. I was thinking where I could save money, too.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hopefully you'll never have to go through this, but them attorneys get in your brain, you'd be thinking, you about to go broke.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They're like, you have to get out of here. You can't have a divorce on California. They'll share all the horror stories. I was like, all right. So I just need a place with a hub. It got down to Phoenix, Dallas, and Houston. And then I met a chick.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

And I was like, yeah, I'm going to Houston.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

All right. That's still the deal on those three cities.

[B]

Are you happy there? It's working.

[A]

I love it. I mean, obviously, it's, like, awesome. The summer's a Little rough.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Gets a little hot. But I mean, I love it. It's funny, I still have a city. Got my car broken into.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I still was like, all right, well.

[B]

Yeah, welcome to the city, baby. Yeah. It just happens. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Not like he's like. But it was like you. I always thought Dallas, Houston were great stand up towns.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, I always felt like I was tapped in socially with the right friend groups.

[B]

I was like, yeah, this is a good time.

[A]

Yeah. Houston was always. It was always a good city.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like that. I don't know. It is most urban comics that. That improv is usually the one of their biggest money weekends.

[B]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[A]

It's big. It's usually sold out.

[B]

You're adding shows sometimes. Yeah, you'll see. I've, I've. It's been a while since, but I remember being online and being like, oh, look who's at Houston. And they're like, it's doing 10 shows. Like this guy's like adding ad and adding. Yeah. Just.

[A]

Yeah. Keep up.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, also some people don't realize how big of a city that is. That's a huge metropolis, man.

[A]

Oh, Houston is unreal.

[B]

Massive. Yeah.

[A]

You could be an hour from your friend.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Never see him.

[B]

That's what I mean. Yeah.

[A]

When you got three comedy clubs in.

[B]

One city and it used to be even more. I think, like if you go back 20 years.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think they had like five at one point.

[A]

Yeah. I think we're definitely in a comedy like resurgence right now. I think the. We. We let the cancer culture have their time and we kind of had. All right, we're. I think people are done with that. And then it. The ticket sales right now are just through the roof.

[B]

That's awesome.

[A]

So many people.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

I'm like, all right, everybody's getting back out there. Everybody trying to laugh.

[B]

Yeah. Have a good time. It also means that people are spending money.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Which is usually encouraging. It's fun.

[A]

Yeah. I think that's. I've always heard like with the one. The one thing that recession does not affect the stand up.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because people still want to spend money, get away from all that.

[B]

Right. They want to forget about it.

[A]

So when you're reading the news and everything and people are freaking out and.

[B]

Go, oh, we're still good. Yeah. Go see a stand up show.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And go see Gary. If you've never seen him, Gary Owen live. Don't forget to check out no s his special available on YouTube. But there's also, you have like six, seven. I forget how many you have. So many specials. Yeah, I got.

[A]

I can't. I can't tell you.

[B]

Yeah, well, we got like Google them.

[A]

Yeah, we got two on YouTube this year. We got broken family and no s. Came out this year on YouTube.

[B]

Incredible, man. Yeah. Real pleasure to meet you. Thanks.

[A]

Yeah, it was fun.

[B]

Absolutely. We'll see you guys next week. You please tell the audience so I can have record that you're impressed with my water consumption.

[A]

You're the water champ. You've been the water champ. Or as long as I've known you. Pounding the water, pound of the water. You've been the water champ for as long as I've known you. Let's go, let's go. Let's go, water champ. Pound in the water, pound in the water. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. The water pound of the water. That's what I'm talking about. Current water champion. Tom gets it running away. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. Pound the water, pound of the water. Why the water champ. Pound the water, pound of the water. Water down, water champ. Drinking that much water just drinks water and peace. Water and peace at the same time. Sometimes he's peeing while he's drinking.

[B]

Oddly enough, my wife also competed. She came in last place. You ever seen New Yorkie drink water? Just my overwhelming urge to consume more water. If you don't understand current water champion.

[A]

If you don't understand water champ. Water champ. You understand current water champion. You understand water champ. Water champ. Just kept drinking and no one said a word. Pound in the water, pound in the water. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. Pound in the water, pound in the water. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. Pound the water, pound of the water.

[B]

Is this technically water too?

[A]

Let's go, let's go. Let's go, water champ. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. People would discuss like, who's the water champ?

[B]

No.

[A]

Let's go, go, water champ. And kill two of those and there's four 16 ounce waters. Who are the water champ?

[B]

I've never seen someone drink so much water during such a short let's go, water champ.

[A]

Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. Pound the water, pound the water. Let's go, let's go, let's go, water champ. Pound the water. Pound the water.

[B]

Let's go, water champ. Let's go, water champ.

[A]

Just a madman. Martha listens to her favorite band all the time. In the car, gym, even sleeping. So when they finally went on tour, Martha bundled her flight and hotel on Expedia to see them live. She saved so much, she got her seat close enough to actually see and hear them. Sort of. You were made to scream from the front row. We were made to quietly save you. More Expedia made to travel Savings vary and subject to availability. Flight inclusive packages are atoll protected.