The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795

Summary

Podcast Summary: "The Most Consistent Cool Guy w/ Jim Norton | Your Mom's House Ep. 795"

Release Date: January 29, 2025

Hosts: Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura Guest: Jim Norton

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Introduction and Personal Updates

Timestamp: 00:00 - 05:00

The episode kicks off with Tom Segura announcing his upcoming comedy tour dates, including a show at the Fire Keepers Casino in Battle Creek, Michigan. Christina Pazsitzky shares a brief advertisement for Instacart, highlighting services to help during the cold and flu season. The hosts then dive into casual banter about their personal lives, discussing everything from dietary habits to experiences with modern bathroom fixtures.

Tom's Dietary Adventures

Timestamp: 01:00 - 04:00

Tom shares his recent experiences with dietary fiber, humorously detailing his attempts to improve his digestive health. Christina joins in with her own anecdotes about using bran in her diet, leading to a light-hearted conversation about the challenges and unexpected outcomes of dietary changes.

Discussion on Podcasting and Content Control

Timestamp: 05:00 - 15:00

Christina expresses her desire to shift the conversation to more meaningful topics, prompting a brief interlude where guest Jim Norton humorously demands attention with playful interruptions. The hosts then explore the intricacies of podcasting, emphasizing the freedom it offers compared to traditional radio. Jim Norton reflects on his experiences with radio shows and the transition to podcasting, highlighting the creative control and personal expression podcasts facilitate.

Honoring Consistency in Comedy

Timestamp: 08:10 - 16:00

Tom praises Robert Paul Champagne (RPC) for his unwavering consistency in content creation. He remarks, “There is zero evolution. Zero. He's still putting out a consistent message.” Christina adds, acknowledging RPC's dedication and the charm in his unchanging persona. The discussion underscores the value of consistency in building a loyal audience.

Guest Segment: Jim Norton

Timestamp: 16:00 - 50:00

Jim Norton joins the conversation, sharing insights into his podcasting journey and the challenges of transitioning from radio to podcasting. He delves into his personal life, discussing his marriage and the dynamics that come with it. The conversation takes a candid turn as Jim opens up about his early experiences and personal struggles, though the hosts tactfully navigate sensitive topics to maintain a respectful and humorous tone.

Comedic Influences and Inspirations

Timestamp: 50:00 - 75:00

The trio engages in a discussion about influential figures in comedy, reminiscing about legends like Patrice O'Neal and Geraldo Rivera. They highlight the importance of authenticity and honesty in comedy, with Jim emphasizing, “If somebody emails me, like, I've gotten a lot over the years of people going, hey, I'm so glad you talked about that because I thought I was alone.” The conversation underscores the impact comedians can have on their audiences by sharing genuine experiences.

Navigating Success and Recognition

Timestamp: 75:00 - 90:00

Tom and Jim delve into the complexities of achieving success in the comedy industry. They discuss the pressures of being recognized on "best of" lists and the personal reflections that come with comparing oneself to peers. Jim shares his perspective on maintaining confidence and authenticity amidst external validations, stating, “You just go, yeah, that's who they talk about. They talk about those guys. Yeah, that's fine.”

Humor in Everyday Situations

Timestamp: 90:00 - 100:00

The hosts transition to lighter topics, sharing humorous observations about everyday scenarios, such as pool mishaps and inappropriate advertising. They showcase the comedic value in unexpected and awkward situations, with Jim noting, “He set it up. Or he also did that. That billboard in Silver Lake.”

Closing Remarks and Future Projects

Timestamp: 100:00 - 92:35

As the episode wraps up, Christina and Tom reflect on the engaging conversation they've had with Jim Norton. They tease upcoming projects and express gratitude towards their listeners. The episode concludes with playful interactions, reinforcing the camaraderie among the hosts and their guest.

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Notable Quotes:

• Tom Segura [08:10]: "There is zero evolution. Zero. He's still putting out a consistent message."

• Jim Norton [15:15]: "Your mom in the welcome to your..."

• Tom Segura [50:05]: "It's just a matter of they haven't found them all yet."

• Jim Norton [74:22]: "You have to be realistic."

---

Conclusion

In Episode 795 of "Your Mom's House," hosts Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura, alongside guest Jim Norton, deliver a blend of personal anecdotes, professional insights, and candid discussions about the world of comedy and podcasting. The episode balances humor with heartfelt moments, offering listeners both laughs and thoughtful reflections.

Transcript

[Tom Segura]

Battle Creek, Michigan. I am coming to the Fire Keepers casino on Friday, May 9. Tickets go on pre sale next week on Thursday, February 6 at 10am Eastern with the code Tommy T O M M Y. Later this week, Savannah, Georgia and North Charleston, South Carolina. Tickets and info [e-mail] tour. Well, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

[Christina P]

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[Tom Segura]

What's everybody, it's time for another podcast. We have a very exciting episode today. Gene, how are you feeling?

[Christina P]

I'm excited. There's gonna be a snowstorm tomorrow.

[Tom Segura]

I'm taking huge dumps.

[Christina P]

Today we did.

[Tom Segura]

I had like waves of kaka come out and I feel more ready.

[Christina P]

Don't you like it when it's a surprise like that? When you sit down to make brown and then you get a bonus brown?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, it was just like, yeah, yeah. It's like, I feel like I took something to like make, you know, I didn't take.

[Christina P]

Are you eating that bran?

[Tom Segura]

No, I took that. I tried that. The Sean had told me, oh, try this. All brand, you know.

[Christina P]

Oh, I've been.

[Tom Segura]

And he measures it out, you know, like a lunatic. He's like, take exactly 17 grams or whatever. I'm like, whatever. I made a small bowl of it and I was like, oh, my God.

[Christina P]

Because I've been eating that. I sprinkle it on my yogurt and boy, does that make me go.

[Tom Segura]

It was an emergency.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Mm.

[Christina P]

But doesn't that make me feel lighter? Huh?

[Tom Segura]

Well, yeah, but I didn't do that. So I just, I got home late last night and then, you know, slept a little bit, got up. I don't even had. I eat. Yeah, I ate a little. I had a little bit. I had berries and eggs.

[Christina P]

Oh, eggs make you shit.

[Tom Segura]

Well, this was. I mean, I thought I was going to have a little boom boom. And it was so much.

[Christina P]

Yeah. And you know what's interesting is that I normally, I smell your brown as a very pungent, sour smell. No, I'm just, I just, I. I'm telling you, I didn't even smell it today.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I had the flushing and the rinsing going the whole time I was rinsing. And what I love about the washlet, the built in bidets of modern society is you can wash as you. And then sometimes you keep shitting through the wash. So the what? The spray will hit your asshole and then your asshole goes. What's that? And then you just keep shitting.

[Christina P]

Hold on. Because I've often used the spray to stimulate my anal.

[Tom Segura]

That's what I'm saying.

[Christina P]

But then I stop the spray once.

[Tom Segura]

The brown comes down right through it. Yeah.

[Christina P]

What?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Christina P]

You're crazy. Who does that?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Why would you do that? Aren't you afraid you're gonna cut it off or it'll. It'll spook it?

[Tom Segura]

No, no.

[Christina P]

I think it's too much stimulation for me. And I. I cut it off.

[Tom Segura]

It feels kinky. I like it. I like it. This is like. Man. Anyway, I. I just feel like I could shoot at any moment again. I really do.

[Christina P]

Seriously?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Do you think you ate something questionable last night?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I traveled. Who knows? Yeah, I ate. Right before we left, we ate. I had salmon and rice, which is fine. But you never know.

[Christina P]

You never know.

[Tom Segura]

You never know. It'll take a few days to adjust and then I'll leave again. And then I'll crazy again.

[Christina P]

I know. I know, it's weird. I had a. I had a little irritation in my bowel too where something triggered it. And I was just making soft browns for days. You know when something like irritates your. Your intestines?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

But it's kind of nice because then you're cleaning house.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And that's cool.

[Tom Segura]

That's pretty cool.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You ready to start the show?

[Christina P]

Of course.

[Tom Segura]

Let's do this real quick. Here we go, everybody.

[Jim Norton]

You don't think I want them nipples?

[Christina P]

Oh, Jesus.

[Jim Norton]

I want them never too. And your feet. Yeah, I want your feet. And the nipples. Them nipples looking at me right now. Come get me, Uncle Shine.

[Christina P]

Come get me. I thought you were gonna play something.

[Jim Norton]

I'm looking at you, boy. I'm coming. Okay, well, you gotta bring it to me.

[Christina P]

Okay?

[Jim Norton]

You gotta bring it to. Yeah, you gotta bring me them nipples. Who was Randy? Don't bring anyone mother into this. Your mom in the welcome to your.

[Tom Segura]

Mom'S house with Tom Segura and Christina.

[Jim Norton]

P.

[Tom Segura]

Welcome to your mom's house.

[Christina P]

Tom, I have to say this before we get along. I mean, I'd like to change the topic to something A little more dignified. Why are you. I don't understand why it's so funny to you. What's so funny?

[Jim Norton]

You got to bring me them nipples.

[Christina P]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. Okay.

[Christina P]

You're the worst. Okay, I was gonna say that I noticed over Christmas vacation a while ago.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

That I have a specific podcast protocol as I'm browning. Meaning I can't read a book. And brown, it's too distracting. I can't look at just videos. And brown. I have to be. I can't be texting and browning. I have to be playing Tetris. And if I'm not.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Christina P]

Isn't that crazy?

[Tom Segura]

That's fascinating.

[Christina P]

No, I'm serious. And I can't be watching Tik Tok. I have to play Tetris.

[Tom Segura]

I've lost myself on the phone, on the can before on my phone.

[Christina P]

I know that. You think I know.

[Tom Segura]

I've been here.

[Christina P]

Oh, I know.

[Tom Segura]

I have no idea how much time has gone by.

[Christina P]

We know that. Especially. It's weird. When we're alone with our kids, you seem to disappear for like an hour.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, stop.

[Christina P]

Yeah, especially when they were young. That was really weird.

[Tom Segura]

Exaggerator.

[Christina P]

Legs are gross.

[Tom Segura]

Exaggerator.

[Christina P]

No. Anyway, buy my perfect four lipsticks. You guys. I'm wearing the perfect red right now. I suggest you just buy all four. Why not? They're the perfect colors. I got Madison Berlin, perfect red and atomic christinap.com.

[Tom Segura]

They'Re beautiful.

[Christina P]

They're so beautiful.

[Tom Segura]

They are. They're very nice.

[Christina P]

More. Coming. I'm just so pumped. I love doing these.

[Jim Norton]

I mean, you don't think I want them Nipples.

[Christina P]

God damn it. I thought we were past it. I tried to get us past it. Hold on. What do you. What's your protocol? Your protocol?

[Tom Segura]

I just want a little bit of a loan. I want a little. Just don't bother me.

[Christina P]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

Um, I could do. I mean, as a kid, I did magazines a lot, so I like magazines. But we don't have magazines in there anymore. We used to. No.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Your phone and just.

[Christina P]

What are you looking at? Like, I found that even specific content. I won't brown to.

[Tom Segura]

That does. I don't think that happens to me because I'll read articles. I have like, all the. The. Like, I have New York Times, LA Times, Wall Street Journal. Like, I. I'll read articles.

[Christina P]

It's funny because when I. When I walk by the toilet, I don't hear silence.

[Tom Segura]

I just read an article this morning.

[Christina P]

I usually hear.

[Tom Segura]

Sometimes it's people in car accidents, and sometimes it's an article.

[Christina P]

Most of the time it sounds like violence. And I'm like, dude, he is loving that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Sometimes I get lost in a loop of cool, cool stuff. Violence, accidents.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I don't really want to watch violence. I. I'd like to see, like, you know, somebody snowboarding in their knee snapping or something. You know what I mean? Something like that.

[Christina P]

That's what I hear through the door.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And also. And this is like, listen, I've just come to terms with it as part of our marriage.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

But I've often wanted to talk to you through the door as you're browning. I never let it happen.

[Tom Segura]

I don't like being spoken to when I'm brown.

[Christina P]

You don't. And I know that about you now.

[Tom Segura]

No. Next time you come to that door, you gotta bring me them nipples, you know? So here's what I love about Unk, if you don't mind. It's been a while. What I love is that he's never changed. I like somebody that's consistent. And if I had introduced you to this man 10 years ago, it would be the exact same video that it is today. There is zero Evolution. Zero. He's still putting out a consistent message. I would wager that if you go to his Instagram page, there are a few hundred videos, maybe with this hat on. And every video is basically the same. It's so crazy.

[Christina P]

And usually these artists, they do evolve, like rpc. He's taken on different identities. Lucifer's lair. Professor cum dump. Right?

[Tom Segura]

Y.

[Christina P]

But you're right. Unk never wavers. Maybe he changes his hat.

[Tom Segura]

Let's just. Let's just pick one. Go ahead and hit that one. What is it?

[Jim Norton]

The draws in the front. I'mma tear it up. Yeah, it's just like some crawfish. Oh, yeah. Mary. I'm telling you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, go the next one.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. Mary is one love. All right.

[Christina P]

It's Mary Girl that work with you?

[Tom Segura]

He wants to eat them draws. He always says.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, it's one love.

[Tom Segura]

All right. Okay.

[Jim Norton]

Them girl that work with you.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, sure. Uncle Snoop, I got one for you, my boy. Yeah. Birdman, what's happening? I'm cooling, man.

[Tom Segura]

Cooling.

[Christina P]

Yeah, G. Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Uncle Snoop, I got something for you.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, next one.

[Jim Norton]

Good morning. Good morning, Guy. I'm all right, baby. Yeah, girl. I'm all right.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Jim Norton]

Hey, how y'all doing, baby? I'm cooling, baby. Yeah. I want to give me something to eat.

[Tom Segura]

Uhhuh.

[Jim Norton]

I'm trying to tell you now. Uncle Snoop, what's Happening to my dog. Birdman. What's happening?

[Tom Segura]

He's.

[Jim Norton]

I'm cooling.

[Tom Segura]

He's saying, hello.

[Jim Norton]

My dog. Yeah, it's one love, man.

[Tom Segura]

There's a lot of one loves.

[Jim Norton]

I got something for somebody. Hey, my baby girl, Kelly. How you doing, baby? God, it's the same.

[Tom Segura]

Click the next one.

[Jim Norton]

Hey, look, one more. I forgot. I forgot. I mean, but I got it. Yeah. I'm trying to tell you I forgot.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, I think we got it. So. Yeah, it is the same exact thing than when we first saw him a number of years ago, and it has not evolved. And that's exciting to me.

[Christina P]

It is. And why change perfection? He's figured out the formula that works for him.

[Tom Segura]

It's like rpc. He has his style. He does his. Lucifer's Lair, you know, a lot of touching the chest, talking about what he likes. Yeah. And then here's Hunk. Although I remember that RPC doesn't like being associated with Unk, of course. And is not a fan of his.

[Christina P]

Well, of course. Well, because RPC is evolved. He is an artist. He is creative. He does have different things.

[Tom Segura]

He's a clothing designer, porno actor, singer. He does stand up like. He does a lot of different. Like his. You cannot compare these patients.

[Christina P]

No, you can't.

[Tom Segura]

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[Christina P]

No, look at his content. Way better.

[Tom Segura]

Fun men to meet. Like.

[Christina P]

Yeah, no, he's amazing.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he does. This is a totally different thing. I mean, look at those birds. It's amazing.

[Christina P]

What's with the fire? What's he doing there?

[Tom Segura]

It's Lucifer's lair. What do you think, guys? Welcome to Luc, man, the hot baby.

[Jim Norton]

RPC's wait to take it hot for you guys. 9173-5378-5239-9706, 9 and 8.

[Tom Segura]

Jesus.

[Jim Norton]

2395 Wagner House. Man, look at taking the hot black, a Latino rough trade guys. All kind of guys. Interracial. 23, you know. 2395 Wagner House with property Avenue, east side of Harlem.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, that's the same message, man. That's the same.

[Christina P]

Here's the deal, man. Why do I feel nothing but love? I. I got to be honest with you. The feelings I get watching these gentlemen unk makes me feel a little scared.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And I don't. I feel repelled by that. But for rpc, I want him to get what he wants.

[Tom Segura]

I understand what you're saying.

[Christina P]

Why is that?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. I mean, also, how many pages does RPC have on Instagram? Does he have a few?

[Jim Norton]

At least ten.

[Tom Segura]

Ten pages at least. Could you pull up another one? Just want to see.

[Christina P]

Oh, man. Because, God, he's so charming. Is it the charm? Is it the.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. Cool. Oh, wow. Oh, did he give a shout out to. Oh, okay.

[Christina P]

Do not trust this man.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He did not sell my IP fraud.

[Christina P]

By Trying to copy my hats and caps fashion and put my name on it. Oh, wow.

[Tom Segura]

Well, you know, IP is a real big thing these days. Of course. I mean. And yeah, I would definitely side with RPC on that.

[Christina P]

Of course. Maybe I feel a kinship with RPC because he is a comedian, he is a singer, he is an actor, he's a performer.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And he's a lover of animals.

[Tom Segura]

Great guy.

[Christina P]

But I don't know much else about Unk Shine. Maybe if I knew a little bit more about him personally.

[Tom Segura]

You're good. I'll just say this. If you are visiting the greater New York area and you are a hot black or Latino man and you're looking for a good time, I would take him up on this. You can use Google Maps and just type in Robert Paul Champagne, rpc. It'll take you exactly to where. There it is right there. 2390 Second Avenue. Yeah. Wagner Houses, apartment 2C. Just ring the buzzer and he will buzz you right in.

[Christina P]

Whoa, whoa, hold on. It says 23.90 second half.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, well.

[Christina P]

Whoa, wait a minute. That's inaccurate. I think Wagner Houses is like that whole block. Yeah, it is kind of like laid on there.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Thank God. I. I don't want to spread misinformation there, you know?

[Tom Segura]

Well, let's move on to something that, frankly, can't really wait much longer. There's two things, really. One is that Charo was here last week.

[Christina P]

Boy, was she ever.

[Tom Segura]

Holy shit. Was that something.

[Christina P]

I might say her best appearance yet.

[Tom Segura]

It was a legendary classic appearance. And the boys did the right thing. They didn't even have to be.

[Christina P]

Here we go.

[Tom Segura]

Asked. There is an incredible supercut.

[Christina P]

Let me just relax.

[Tom Segura]

Let's just get into position and enjoy this. Everybody. Okay. Hello. Going. Thank you. Going. Everybody pull the mic down a little bit. These are my dogs. You can't lift the cup. Okay. How's the coffee? They're bringing another one. Well, if I don't have. If I don't move the microphone now, pull it down. Not from there, from the bottom. When you do it, you can do.

[Christina P]

I, I, I me fresh coffee.

[Tom Segura]

You want another coffee?

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Call me. What? No way. Coffee on the way. Coffee on the way. Thank you so much. Thank you. Heather, another coffee. We can do another coffee. How we talk about the cruise?

[Christina P]

How we talk about the cruise?

[Tom Segura]

Yes. Been a few times already. Did we talk about the cruise? Yes. Hours ago. And did I thank you and. No. Did I thank you enough? I'm so glad that we were all able to do it. I was talking.

[Jim Norton]

Can I get a coffee, please?

[Tom Segura]

You want another coffee?

[Jim Norton]

For real, Another coffee?

[Tom Segura]

One cup of coffee doesn't make me another coffee. This will be number four or five that you're having. Just so you know.

[Christina P]

I don't know what's wrong with you. Got headphones on your cheek.

[Tom Segura]

Are you testing me? If I'm stupid.

[Jim Norton]

Can I talk?

[Tom Segura]

You look nice. Thank you. Reach the other way. No, no, closer to you. Below. Here. Right here. Just show her. Thanks. Ch.

[Christina P]

I forgot.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, this is your show.

[Jim Norton]

Really?

[Tom Segura]

Don't be retarded. Right, I might be retarded, but I'm not stupid. T. Retard.

[Christina P]

Guess what?

[Tom Segura]

What? I'm taking you to buy me something unbelievable. Truly remarkable.

[Christina P]

That was so much fun reliving it. She was a little. I mean, look, she was a little out out there. She was out of it. She'd taken some edibles and drank a lot. And drank a lot.

[Tom Segura]

And had five coffees. I mean, it was amazing. It was unhinged. She was totally unhinged.

[Christina P]

She really was. Did you. Did you take her shopping?

[Tom Segura]

No, I haven't spoken to her since.

[Christina P]

Well, rest assured, she went through my closet last night and took out a jacket.

[Tom Segura]

She did?

[Christina P]

Yeah. She got something. Don't worry.

[Tom Segura]

Not surprised.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I hope you enjoyed it. Who knows if we'll ever see her again, but that was a pretty memorable episode.

[Christina P]

You guys had a. You had a row.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

There's the Brit psy governor. A bit of a row.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it sure did.

[Christina P]

Well, she was a little blitzed, maybe, when she left and may have said some things. You know what I mean?

[Tom Segura]

We'll see. Hopefully I'll have an update for you soon if she's still alive. All right. So, yeah, this. You're gonna. Absolutely.

[Christina P]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

All right. Hey, Jeans, but big fan of both y'all and YMH podcast that has helped me deal with a lot of hard times in life. You guys have made me laugh when I've had the shittiest day. I'm very thankful to be alive at the same time as y'all. I'm a tattoo artist from East Tennessee. I've always wanted to give myself a YMH tattoo, but didn't really know exactly what to do. That was until I saw Christine's amazing artwork of Tom choking. Practically. Practically to death. Just trying to say the word. Netflix. I can't name a more pivotal moment in all media that is more deserving of a tribute. The entire world practically stopped to hear if Timothy would make it through such a dangerous Word to say out loud. And I think we're all in a better place now that he had made it through such a life threatening situation. To commemorate both an amazing piece of art and an unforgettable moment in history, I chose the choke as my YMH tattoo as a gift to myself. I hope I made mommy jeans proud. And I hope Tom gets the speech therapy he needs. Mwah. Skyler, here you go.

[Christina P]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's perfect.

[Tom Segura]

Believable.

[Christina P]

It's. How did you do. It's identical. No. Is that real? Am I being. Am I being duped?

[Tom Segura]

No, you're not being duped. That's real. That is real.

[Jim Norton]

Holy.

[Christina P]

He really did it perfectly.

[Tom Segura]

You know my favorite part about this too, is that there is going to be somebody who goes, like, who is that? What is that? And he could be like, oh, you like? Do you like stand up story? You ever see.

[Christina P]

It's a whole story.

[Tom Segura]

You ever see Tom Cigar? And they'll be like, what? Yeah. And he's like, yeah, that's him.

[Christina P]

And what's really special is that it's both of us. It's a collaborative.

[Tom Segura]

It is.

[Christina P]

And it's a. It's. I love this. I. I can't encourage this enough.

[Tom Segura]

It's incredible. It's really, really remarkable.

[Christina P]

I'm just so thrilled as an artist to have my work featured on somebody's body forever now.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

That's so cool.

[Jim Norton]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Well, Skyler, you are incredible. I think we need to send him something.

[Christina P]

Absolutely.

[Tom Segura]

Guys, please reach out, because that is remarkable. Please, please share any future interactions you have from people when they go, what the is that I would love.

[Christina P]

Oh, my God, please. And by the way, don't think I'm resting on my laurels just because of this success. I'm already developing my next piece of art. That you are my muse.

[Tom Segura]

I know you've told.

[Christina P]

You are my muse. And I know exactly what I'm gonna do.

[Tom Segura]

I'm excited. I'm excited to see what you. You're such a prolific artist.

[Christina P]

Thank you.

[Tom Segura]

I just want to see what comes next, you know? But like they say in the art world, you know, you don't want to put out too much.

[Christina P]

This is true.

[Tom Segura]

You don't want to lower the value of your work. So this is true.

[Christina P]

This is why I'm parcel.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Like, we did the first one. The second one, I'm gonna. What are you doing?

[Tom Segura]

You're emrogging.

[Christina P]

Oh, that's why it's the Rugies in there.

[Tom Segura]

So.

[Christina P]

Gosh.

[Tom Segura]

This one. I have diarrhea ready to come out of me, so just let me show you this real quick. Yeah, I guess I'm a little antsy. Yeah, I have to ship pretty.

[Christina P]

Maybe don't drink coffee.

[Tom Segura]

I want to. So here you go. This is. We found another Kevin Spaniels Classic.

[Jim Norton]

Here, here.

[Christina P]

Oh, I miss him.

[Tom Segura]

You're definitely a single woman because you got the single woman. Tell that damn smoke detector. How do you live with that?

[Christina P]

The way that I've been living with.

[Jim Norton]

Just being a single woman is.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, no, no, no. Specifically the smoke detector that keeps chirping. How do you live with that? Can you just elaborate more on, like, the. What do you mean by the smoke?

[Christina P]

Oh, my God. It keeps going.

[Tom Segura]

Beep.

[Christina P]

Like red flags.

[Tom Segura]

That smoke detector that's beeping in the background, there's a smoke detector.

[Jim Norton]

It beeps every 30 seconds and it goes beep. I don't. I don't hear anything beeping.

[Christina P]

Did you just hear it again?

[Jim Norton]

Because I don't hear anything.

[Tom Segura]

Wait for it. Told you guys. They don't hear it after a while.

[Christina P]

There it was, the beep.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. So I know maybe I have to replace my fire smoke detector. Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

Batteries.

[Christina P]

Yeah, maybe that's what it is.

[Jim Norton]

Okay, so I just noticed it.

[Tom Segura]

You didn't notice it.

[Jim Norton]

And it's the first.

[Tom Segura]

It's one of the first things men notice about you ladies. Because a man would not sit there with that thing beeping like that. Every 30. Every 15 seconds it beeps.

[Christina P]

Okay, noted.

[Jim Norton]

And my point is, guys, the things.

[Tom Segura]

That we notice, they don't notice. They just. They get comfortable. It's insane.

[Christina P]

How does she sleep at night?

[Tom Segura]

She's tuned it out. She didn't even hear it.

[Christina P]

Well, that's really interesting because it's one of the marks of a cool guy very early in YMH history. Yeah, the chirp. The chirp that was. That's always part of their thing.

[Tom Segura]

Well, schizophrenic minds can kind of make sense of a lot of things that shit out. It's official.

[Christina P]

Crazy.

[Tom Segura]

I got a shit.

[Jim Norton]

Go.

[Christina P]

Shit.

[Tom Segura]

Let's take a quick break.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

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Oh my gosh, I'm hooked on the white peach.

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[Christina P]

Isn't that right, Jean? Dad, I didn't know that Blue Nile has been around since 1999. Did you know that?

[Tom Segura]

I had no idea.

[Christina P]

And I went on bluenile.com and I got the most spectacular gold necklace and the quality is impeccable. They send it to you. It's beautiful.

[Tom Segura]

And here's the thing. If you get whether you get that or you get an engagement ring, you don't have to worry about the delivery guy being like, hey, is this your engagement ring? Because they send it in discreet packaging that doesn't give it away. So right now, get 50 off your purchase of 500 or more with the code your mom@blue nile.com that's $50 off with the code your mom@ blue nile.com blue nile.com. and we're back and super excited for our guest. You could check out his new podcast. Jim Norton can't save you. It's Jim Norton, everybody.

[Jim Norton]

Thanks, guys.

[Tom Segura]

Thanks for coming. I can't believe this is a long time that this has not happened in.

[Jim Norton]

I know. We keep. Every time I'd be here, you would be away. You're on tour somewhere or like, when you guys were available, I wasn't here.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Jim Norton]

Happy it's finally happening.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I'm so happy to see you, man.

[Jim Norton]

Me too.

[Tom Segura]

We are huge, huge fans.

[Jim Norton]

Oh, thank you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You're an amazing comic. Obviously, you've been doing great radio and podcasting forever, too, but this is fucking. This is a treat, man.

[Jim Norton]

Thank you. Now watch me bomb for an hour.

[Tom Segura]

No, you're always good. You're always good. We actually did that show together. Wasn't it? The three of us that did that in Pittsburgh? In Pittsburgh. And that was 2014.

[Jim Norton]

What?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

God, that feels like an eternity.

[Tom Segura]

You remember that?

[Christina P]

Vaguely.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. It was theater. Some weird theater for Randy and the radio guys. DVE. Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yes. And everybody did. It was like 10 people or something like that.

[Christina P]

It was 2014.

[Tom Segura]

It was 2014.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It's depressing. Or maybe 15. I don't know.

[Christina P]

No, because we didn't have kids then. We were still like.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you're right. You're right. Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

It was a long time ago. Yeah, it was. It was like a tag. I don't even know who closed it.

[Tom Segura]

You did.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Did I really?

[Tom Segura]

You closed it.

[Jim Norton]

Oh, I didn't.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Jim Norton]

I have no memory of that.

[Tom Segura]

I have. I remember very well. It was. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Oh, my God, I was so starstruck. I remember being on that lineup with you. I was like, it's Jim Norton. Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, we all were. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Thanks. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

No, you're. You're. Because I mean, this. Honestly, your standup is so good. You are. You are definitely an underrated, great. As much success and everything that everybody knows. Your stand up is so good.

[Jim Norton]

Oh, thank you.

[Tom Segura]

I like. The thing. I like watching is, like, somebody who's, like, willing to take risks and go for it, you know? And I feel like you're one of those guys that if I watch you, I'm like, man, I gotta step it up, like, which is a good thing to have, you know? It's a good feeling to. To have, like.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. When you feel like if you're, like, emotionally vomiting, it feels good just to kind of get it out, because then I can't get Caught? Yeah, like you're not gonna get busted with something if you tell everybody.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you're very honest. You're very honest on stage.

[Jim Norton]

It's just a fear of getting caught and a fear of being like somebody telling something about me. Something. If I tell you first, you have, you know how it is.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, sure.

[Jim Norton]

Nothing to say.

[Tom Segura]

But you always. Did you always have that. Like, were you always that way?

[Jim Norton]

It's what made comics laugh when I started. Yeah, like, it was like I would start and like it was like say 1991 and guys like Bob Levy and Jim Florentine would come and they would always laugh at the stuff I talked about. That was like me and my personal life and sex and on like the honest self deprecating shit. Like the real self hatred.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

And that would make my.

[Tom Segura]

Those guys, it's so funny.

[Jim Norton]

They were like, I love that. So like making them laugh to me.

[Tom Segura]

Was like, that was the win.

[Jim Norton]

That was the win, man. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Well, what I love about you is that you are so open about your sexual proclivities or your quote, deviancies and all of that. And I think in watching somebody who accepts themselves, even if you hate yourself so fully, it allows other people to.

[Jim Norton]

Accept themselves in a way. Yeah. That's always satisfying. If somebody emails me, like, I've gotten a lot over the years of people going, hey, I'm so glad you talked about that because I thought I was alone, like doing that stuff in childhood or like, like liking this or liking that. Like, it was so nice to hear somebody talk about it. Like, guys, you wouldn't expect to hear it from.

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Jim Norton]

Because it was on Opie and Anthony. Like then they were just barbarians, the audience.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

But there's, I mean, they're real people.

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Jim Norton]

You know, they're harsh and like they have a vicious, mean sense of humor, but at the end of the day, they're just regular people.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

So they would write in and like they related to certain things and they appreciate it and they're like, I always thought I was gay if I did this, you know? And they were right. But I mean, you're a homo. Yeah, but it was, it was nice to, to get those messages from people. I was like, hey, it's fun telling on yourself, but it's also nice when somebody kind of relates to it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I mean, like, but I think that thing too about like watching you be super open and honest. I think even as a comedian, you're watching it and you're like, man, I. I need more of that. Open, you know, I mean, you. It's like. It makes you go like, oh, I should just share that thing that I'm scared to share.

[Jim Norton]

Right. Because what are they. The worst that's going to happen is they don't like it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Or they don't relate. A lot of times they won't admit relating to something.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Jim Norton]

It's hard to get people to, like, you know how it is.

[Christina P]

Because it's the mirror, your mirror. It's too much. Because some people aren't conscious, I think, of what it is.

[Jim Norton]

Yes.

[Christina P]

So if you're like. Like, I was trying to do this bit for the longest time about how women can hate their husbands when you first have a child, because it's true. The woman carried the baby for nine months. We're exhausted, we give birth, and then we breastfeed. And you're like, what the fuck have you done?

[Jim Norton]

You know?

[Christina P]

And that's just a very normal. It eventually subsides. But I just couldn't sell it because the women are sitting next to their husbands in the audience and they're like, I don't think I love you. Everything's great.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, you were a great partner. You went to Lamaze with me or. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

But I think it's natural.

[Jim Norton]

I guess so. So were you ever able to sell it? Were you ever able to find the thing that would just kind of. You could just never get it to click where they would be safe going with it?

[Christina P]

Yeah. Because now I have to blame my own mental illness. I blame it on my relationship I had with my father and that he was abandoning. And then. Then I can tie it back to me, projecting it onto him. And then it gets.

[Tom Segura]

Then it's like. Then they go, okay, she's messed up.

[Jim Norton]

She's so mentally ill. Yeah, she's crazy. I'm laughing because she's crazy, not because I hated your fucking guts.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, exactly.

[Jim Norton]

She's like garbage.

[Christina P]

But doesn't that help when they think you're crazy? And I think that helps.

[Jim Norton]

It gives them the excuse sometimes that they need. Like, otherwise they think, like, if I'm laughing, I'm admitting, and if I'm laughing, I'm agreeing. But if I'm laughing because they're crazy, it's okay, because no one's gonna stop you at the. And say, could you put a checklist of why you laughed at these bits? It doesn't matter.

[Christina P]

Why did you laugh?

[Jim Norton]

Does it bother you when someone says, as a woman. When someone says, we're pregnant, yes. That drives me crazy when I See couples saying that.

[Christina P]

It's like, weird. No, you're not.

[Jim Norton]

She is.

[Christina P]

She is. Or my partner. I don't like hearing just husband, wife.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. Just say, Just say, yeah, it's fine.

[Tom Segura]

She's pregnant. I'm going out tonight.

[Jim Norton]

She's pregnant. And I did it.

[Christina P]

We're pregnant.

[Jim Norton]

But I hear, like, people you wouldn't expect to hear saying we're pregnant or saying that.

[Tom Segura]

I'm like, oh, it is like a type of couple, too.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, they are.

[Tom Segura]

There's. They're. They're a little bit, like, full of themselves. Right. They think you can tell when they, when they say we a. It's somebody who goes, well, that's the right thing to say.

[Jim Norton]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

You know? Sure. It's kind of like the, I don't know, the ultra liberal type.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Goes. We are doing this.

[Christina P]

Do you.

[Jim Norton]

Do we not with pregnant in my house. No, not really. I mean, unless we're doing something. But there's really. No, there wouldn't be much cause for it. Like, we're doing this or. No, it would just be me or her or like, I can't think of any case where it would. It would feel like we should do it the way like a, you know, like a couple like you would. Would do it. Like, were you pregnant?

[Christina P]

Well, yeah. The pregnancy thing is absurd. But, but even one time, I remember, one time, Tom and I, you probably remember, I'm going to say we're in the airport getting ready to go on a vacation together, and he gets a phone call and he's like, I'm going to Hawaii. And I was like, just you. Just you. And I was like, what about us as a family? We. We are going. And you got. You remember that?

[Tom Segura]

Did I get upset?

[Christina P]

Yeah, probably.

[Tom Segura]

You probably deserved it. Here's the truth. I still was going to Hawaii.

[Christina P]

Yeah, right. Both things can be true.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

One just makes you a little more selfish.

[Tom Segura]

I do remember this, though. I remember. I remember in college, I, I. There was a time where one of my roommates, Casey and I were just like, you know, we, we had an apartment. We had it for. We stayed for the summer. That was the thing where, like, people went, you know, like in college, went back home.

[Jim Norton]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

And we stayed and we were, like, getting up, working out together, hanging out during the day, watching movies. And then we went to a party at somebody's place at an apartment. And as we were leaving, I remember I turned to the person. I was like, thanks. Thanks for having us. And then we walked out and I was like, yo, that's what a couple would say, man.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I go. I just thank them for having us. Like, we are a unit. We're a gay couple now. And I was like, I think we're hanging out too much because I'm, like, referring to us as one.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

But it does feel weird if you're walking out with your friend and you go, hey, thanks for having me. And then he's like a dick. Like, me too.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jim Norton]

But, you know, I don't. I don't necessarily. I think in that case, what I say, I'm. It would depend on what they're calling me for. If it was someone saying, hey, could you do this?

[Christina P]

Like a business gig?

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. Or something like, I might go, now I'm gonna be in Hawaii. I don't know if I'd say, we're going to Hawaii.

[Christina P]

Hold on, your honor. I think it was your mother who. You're. Who you're talking to, and you're like, I'm going to Hawaii. And I was like, you're not gonna.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I. I don't think I put that much thought into it. Right. I really was just like.

[Christina P]

Yeah, that's the troubling part, isn't it?

[Jim Norton]

It annoyed you, though?

[Christina P]

Yeah, it annoyed me. It was very.

[Tom Segura]

I also. I also remember, like, start of the marriage, you being like, you. You saying something about a we thing. Like, we. We are getting this place we have.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I was just like, who cares?

[Jim Norton]

Well, they've said to be careful doing that if you have an apartment and you marry somebody. Like, be careful about saying, like, our home or whatever, because then they can, like, lay claim to it if you get.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, really?

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. I know somebody. She had money and she married a guy, and she's like, yo, just be careful saying something like our place. Of, like, she kept it on her. It was her place.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, it's my.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. This way, if they get divorced, he can't. But then again, maybe that was just her being paranoid and there's no legal basis for.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, sure, sure.

[Christina P]

Yeah, definitely. Because in New York, isn't it. What is it called?

[Tom Segura]

Common or what is it Common law stuff?

[Christina P]

I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

Well, there's a thing that I know that I think in Texas, because there's certain states where you can date somebody for. And it's over a certain amount, seven.

[Jim Norton]

Years, I think, and not married.

[Tom Segura]

And then they have claim to.

[Christina P]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Property.

[Jim Norton]

Is that if you're living together, you.

[Tom Segura]

Have to live together.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. I don't Know if New York has common law? I think it's a seven year period, though. Maybe it's different in different places.

[Tom Segura]

Let's see. No, New York does not.

[Jim Norton]

Oh, good.

[Tom Segura]

Thank God.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Texas does. I bet, right? Texas is a common. Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Two weeks.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Yes, yes.

[Tom Segura]

Informal marriage to marry without formalities. Okay. What is the requirements? You have to be 18. Not related. That's good. Not married to anyone else. They have to. Yeah. Cohabitate. They must agree to be married, though. Oh. So that's an interesting thing, is that they must present themselves as married.

[Jim Norton]

What is the. What is the proof of that, though?

[Tom Segura]

That's exactly what I wanted to ask.

[Jim Norton]

Because all she's got to say is he told me that we're married. We're like a married couple for sure. I just have to fill out immigration things for. We have to like, you know, when you're having your green card, the conditions. Norway.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Jim Norton]

So having the conditions take off and you have to. One of the things you have to get your friends to sign is something they say they do present as a married couple. They are married. That's why they know that garbage. Know that they're getting scammed.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So many people do that scam, too. I've met so many people that have done it for somebody else. And you're like, you're married?

[Jim Norton]

Well, you know, kind of.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. They just like hook them up with the green card, though.

[Jim Norton]

It's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

It is crazy.

[Christina P]

Can I ask you the dumbest question?

[Jim Norton]

Sure. She is.

[Christina P]

Yep. So. So hold on. Okay, so you married? You married, but you're married to a trans woman.

[Jim Norton]

Yes.

[Christina P]

So are you married? Like boy, girl married, or are you boy, boy married? You know what I mean?

[Jim Norton]

Boy, girl married. Because on her. I mean, I know that's like a whole. I, I know that that's, you know, I mean, she's definitely. She's different than you, obviously. But on her passport and on her birth certificate it says female. Because Norway is very open about that.

[Christina P]

Okay.

[Jim Norton]

Which they. They've changed the way you can change your. But they actually let you change your birth certificate.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Jim Norton]

In Norway.

[Tom Segura]

Wow. So it says very progressive.

[Jim Norton]

It is, Yeah. I mean, it's. It's kind of whatever. I mean, it works out well for us.

[Christina P]

But what do you mean? What's the. Because you kind of went like, oh.

[Jim Norton]

I mean, I don't know it should be necessarily that easy for a person just to say, I am. Like, I think there should be some process you go through. It doesn't mean that it can't happen. But I just think this way would prevent, you know, some guy that looks using me or you. Yeah, just. Just going, hey, that's true. I got arrested. I want to go to a woman's prison.

[Tom Segura]

You. Yeah, sure.

[Christina P]

Your wife is lovely. I got to get to know her a little bit in the green room at Mothership.

[Jim Norton]

Oh, okay. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Gorgeous.

[Jim Norton]

Oh, thank you.

[Christina P]

Sweet and funny and, like, just so cool. And I'm really happy for you. I mean, I don't know you really well, but you seem very happy and very much in love and, like, this is a good relationship.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, it's. It's like, you know, you settle in and you realize, like, wow, I am married. Like, it really is at times great. And other times, you know, it's everything they said. It's every. I'm living every hack comic in the 80s.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Bit like they were right. They were right. But I do like it. I was lonely. It sucks when you're in your 50s and you're single.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

And it's all just. It's one person after the other, or it's nobody for six months. It's just lonely.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, sure. I love how this is, like, a real thing that I. I don't think people talk about enough is how many people don't have somebody. It really is a huge number of people, you know, that are out there, that going through life, and they go like, if you talk to people, you'll realize you meet people who are like, oh, I haven't had. Some people are like, I haven't had a relationship in 13 years.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, it's.

[Tom Segura]

You know, they just kind of, like, settle into that.

[Jim Norton]

I remember I argued with an ex girlfriend years ago. I was like, 22, and I still remember. She's like, you're gonna die alone. And I was like, wow. And the 25 years later, I still hear that sometimes I'm like, wow, that really affected. I mean, she was probably. I was a. And I was a bad boyfriend. But, like, I think that's one of the things I was like, I don't want to die alone. Like, you want to just be with somebody who you enjoy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

And my wife and I, for all the faults or whatever, the times we argue, if I can't make it work with her, I have no shot at ever being married.

[Christina P]

Well, that's what I was going to ask you. What were the. What were. Who were you dating before her? I don't want to limit. Had you dated men? Had you dated women?

[Jim Norton]

Never. I never dated men. Like, the idea of like, hugging a man and going, hey, how you doing, baby? Like, it's just as repulsive to me as it is to any other guy watching. This is the idea. Like, it's a very weird thing, and people can't understand it because there's a dick in play. So they're like, well, so you like man. But I'm like, no, it's like somebody who lives as a man or presents as a man.

[Christina P]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

Doesn't do it for you.

[Christina P]

You don't like masculinity.

[Jim Norton]

Hate it.

[Christina P]

Like, being around that. Okay.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. Unless it's a woman being dirty and aggressive, then that's okay. That's more of a masculine attitude.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Jim Norton]

But it's kind of hard to explain. There's a lot of people right now going, this guy's just a homo and he's delusional. And there's other people going, yes, I know exactly what you're saying.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Jim Norton]

It's hard to explain. Yeah, But. But you can't consider yourself straight. I mean, I'm sorry. If there's a. If you're out there, if you're dating somebody, you're married to somebody and they have a dick. I don't care what their birth certificate says, if you enjoy that dick, you're not a heterosexual male.

[Tom Segura]

You're somewhere in between.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. You can't. I don't think you can be hetero. I think common sense.

[Christina P]

Would it be like, you. You're sexually gay, but you don't like gayness? Would that be somewhat.

[Jim Norton]

No, because I do like vaginas, too. I'm talking.

[Christina P]

So technically bisexual, then?

[Jim Norton]

I guess.

[Christina P]

I mean, not to label, because I actually don't like all these labels.

[Jim Norton]

I know, but some of them are just unpleasant in their act.

[Tom Segura]

You miss vaginas?

[Jim Norton]

Oh, yeah. But I. I think that. But. But if she had one.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

I would just be one up. Like, I would miss everyone but hers. It's not like if I married somebody with a. I would get a bunch of them. It would just be hers, and then the rest I would miss.

[Tom Segura]

Right, right, right.

[Jim Norton]

But, you know. Yeah. So that's one thing. Of course I do. I do miss that. But, I mean, I'm greedy and I'm an addict, so I would miss it no matter who I was married to. I would miss everything that I couldn't have.

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Jim Norton]

It's kind of normal, right?

[Christina P]

Yeah, I think so.

[Jim Norton]

That's just married couples.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Yeah. I think that's very natural.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Maybe you're like the future of human sexuality.

[Jim Norton]

I don't know. I mean, I don't know if this is going to catch on.

[Christina P]

It might. Well, it might. Look, we have Will Blunderfeld on the show, and he encourages straight. Straight men to try, quote, gay things. Like, I don't know, is it society that. That tells men because women can make out with women. Let's say, Even in the 90s in college, it was totally fine if I wanted to make.

[Tom Segura]

Will's got a bit of an angle. He's kind of like, you know, he's like. Basically, he's like, playing with another guy's balls is the straightest thing you can do. And you're like, wait, what? Like, he's always kind of.

[Christina P]

Yeah, there's an agenda.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he's got a bit of an agenda, which is to let him touch your dick.

[Jim Norton]

Men being men.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Jim Norton]

He's.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And it's. And it's disguised under this. Like, this is what warriors did. Like, he's always like, the Spartans.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And the Samurai with licking. Yeah, yeah. And then you're, like, listening to it. Like, really? He's like, yeah, so do you want to do it? And you're like.

[Jim Norton]

I mean, a dear friend of mine, Jose Menendez, used to say the same thing. He would say that this is what the Warriors. But, you know, so the warriors are doing gay. I mean, that's okay. We don't have to, like, everybody's trying to rename it and make it okay. Like, it is what it is. Like, and. And progressives have just gone berserk. Like, stop telling yourself that. If you're a guy and there's a dick in your face, you're a heterosexual male. It's crazy. It's almost like that's the 1940s angle of the only proper answer is heterosexual. So we have to maze and shoehorn the language to get you back to what is proper, which is heterosexual. It's just say you're not heterosexual. It's fine.

[Christina P]

It is fine.

[Tom Segura]

I think also what you're pointing out is that there, I mean, you're kind of the living proof that there really is a scale of. On this thing. You know, I mean, it's like a fluid kind of thing. It's not just black and white.

[Jim Norton]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

Because your own sexuality is kind of in the gray area. Right?

[Jim Norton]

Kind of, yeah. I think I've always been that way as a kid. Always not sure exactly what I wanted. Again, a lot of it is greed. Yeah.

[Christina P]

How small? Like, what was. What's your earliest memories of being this way?

[Jim Norton]

I was probably Five. I remember I used to. Yeah, I have a picture of myself, and I can date it. It was from 73, and I used to have, like, little oral sex with my friends. But this one kid I was scared of, I used to blow him, but I think I kind of liked it or I would. You know what I mean? Like, when I look back on. It's like my therapist like, you were. And I'm like, I don't know.

[Christina P]

I.

[Jim Norton]

Maybe I was scared, but I did kind of like it.

[Tom Segura]

You guys around the same age, though?

[Jim Norton]

He was my age, maybe nine months old, within a year old. It wasn't like he was 41.

[Tom Segura]

I was gonna say, if you're like, no, but he was my friend.

[Jim Norton]

He taught me to fish.

[Christina P]

Was that the first penis you'd ever touched?

[Jim Norton]

I think so.

[Christina P]

This friend at five? Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Yes. But I have a photo of myself, like, when I fell and I split my head open. So I. And I know I was already doing it by then, so. And there's a date on the picture, so I know it was age five.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Wow, that's young, man.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was. I was off to the. I was a. I was a. I was a trooper.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Jim Norton]

It was very active as a kid. It was very. But I talked about that a lot. Like, you know, we would. We would play that. The Monster Rain game. And, you know, it's just one of those things. Which game it was. We would. One of us would yell like, monster rain. And we would hide under the porch, and then we would blow each other under the porch. But the Monster Rain.

[Tom Segura]

This was one of your specials.

[Jim Norton]

It was. It was called. It was called Monster.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. It's a true story. Yeah. But, yeah, we would. We would.

[Christina P]

All right.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, that's where I came from.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

It's amazing.

[Jim Norton]

But you don't have to mine for material when it's just that, like, there. It's like, I don't have to go out and find an angle on Trump's Elect or try or. This is how it's like. But you also start to feed on it too much. Like, you have to talk about other stuff, too, because otherwise, I. I'm. I'm. I'm just literally, it's like you're. You're carving away at something, and there's nothing left anymore.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, there's a balance. I mean, I think also in, like, you know, in kind of scoping out an hour. Like, I think about hours a lot now of. Of, you know, if you have, like, that type of material. You want it to be like 15.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Probably max 15 of that.

[Jim Norton]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

So you don't want an hour on blowing and coming.

[Jim Norton]

No, not at all.

[Tom Segura]

So it's like, like you got to kind of like shape. I mean, we're always trying to shake like in the hour that I'm out with right now, I have done. If it's four 15 minute chunks, I've done them in every order. Yeah. You know, I mean, and trying to figure out what order is best and I feel like currently I feel like I figured out the order to do them in. Because you don't. Because sometimes I go like, oh, that chunk at the end doesn't feel I should end with that. I feel like I got to move it up. And you're always just trying to like make it move around. But I try to balance it between. Okay. Stuff I'm talking about from my life, general observational stuff, you know, etc, like having some balance to it all so that it's not just one note.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. And. And that's interesting to do it like a different order. Sometimes I'll do that. Like I. I do a Wednesday show in New York at the Fat Black Pussycat where I just run the hour and I work on my team. How you just go through it. And sometimes I'll, you know, you start with the closer and then work your way backwards and go. Is the opening strong enough to close? Sometimes it's not. Sometimes it's like, nah, the build is kind of what made that better. But yeah, it's ballsy to do that. Like when you're on the road in front of a lot of people.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Switching that 15 minutes.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You know, well, sometimes it ends and you're like, yeah, I shouldn't have done that.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, that was a bad move. I should have done that in front of film 50 people on a workout night. Yeah. Instead of. I'm back on tour now. Fine. Like I. I had taken time off and I'm not with the radio show anymore. So it's like.

[Tom Segura]

It's weird with you and Sam.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, that's. I'm dad. I was in Series for 20 years.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. It was a lot of talking and we just couldn't, you know, they just didn't want to pay it. And I, I knew it was coming. Like, you know, I mean, like, you see it and it's like, whatever. It's a little scary because it's the first time you like without that comfortable thing to go to where everything is set up, you just walk in and Talk.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

But, like, I feel good that I didn't blow it up either. Like, you know, in life we sabotage things.

[Tom Segura]

Absolutely. Especially comedians. So many comedians.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. That they're like. And I've learned so many lessons from watching other people implode.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

And watching other people just blow up their life. That I'm like, have confidence, but don't be stupid and think that things won't continue. I mean, ACDC went on after Bon Scott died. I mean. I mean, radio shows will continue whether or not I'm a part of them.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Jim Norton]

So you have to be realistic.

[Tom Segura]

Well, that's very. I mean, that's a super mature approach to this thing. You know what I mean? From you, I'm saying to, like, I'm not going to blow this up. I'm going to keep doing it until. If somebody doesn't want to do it. But now you're making the. The. The kind of. The transition. Right, to. To the podcast.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. 30 years in. I mean, I really should be executed for my. We were there at the beginning and I just. I couldn't. I had a contract and I wasn't allowed to do any other audio that started this stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. But back then, I probably could have snuck it in. Back in 2009 or 10, I probably could have fucking.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

But I would have ruined my life. Like, I know that I would have done something or said something on the podcast that, like, today I would be like, why the. Did I say that in 2011? I didn't know it was gonna come back to.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

To haunt me.

[Tom Segura]

We all have.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, I guess so. Right.

[Tom Segura]

It's just a matter of they haven't found them all yet.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's really what it is. If somebody wants to. To write the code to search all the audio of things we've said, it could be very destructive.

[Christina P]

But also. Tommy. Well, yeah, of course.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

But don't you find too, that, like, if you've never claimed to be righteous.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

What the. Are they gonna take us down on? Like, nobody. We never claim to be in the.

[Tom Segura]

Right about anything at this point. They couldn't, like, they can't take this away. They could just take something else I'm doing away, basically. And they can't take touring away.

[Jim Norton]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

So they. They can't take, like, the two main things in my career away.

[Christina P]

Thank God.

[Tom Segura]

They could just be like, oh, you can't be on this TV show anymore. Okay.

[Jim Norton]

I think that's changed a lot too. Or it's starting to.

[Tom Segura]

It is starting to.

[Jim Norton]

People like Ah, enough already.

[Christina P]

Enough.

[Jim Norton]

And especially, like, again, because so many of the old radio shows are online.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

I mean, there's hours of offensive shit. It's the whole show. It was 25 hours a week. At one point. It was Monday through Friday, 6 to 11. We were doing five hours a day.

[Christina P]

So funny.

[Jim Norton]

I mean, it's. I mean, there's a lot of offensive stuff, but that.

[Christina P]

That. I love that time of radio because I would go between you guys and Stern, and that was such a good time of just like, there was that window before this cancel culture started where shit was actually really hard and funny.

[Jim Norton]

They would fuck you back then too, though. Like, they. They tried to get us with homeless Charlie when that homeless guy came in, and he was really just a funny. Like a naturally funny human being. And he was brutal. And he was just talking about Laura Bush and he was talking about the Queen of England and having sex and like. But. But in a way that would. Was be very, very unpleasant for them.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

And. And we were. We got kicked off a satellite for a month. We got suspended for a month. And the only thing that saved us. Yeah, Bill was in that day. The only thing that saved us was that we were actually on kroc and like, since it didn't happen on their airwaves, they kept the show. But that was the one time, like, I hated terrestrial. We were doing kind of double duty and that actually saved us from really our lives being our job. We had gotten fired once already, so I mean.

[Christina P]

Yeah, I remember that.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That era was all about like. Like you guys and Stern people. It was either like fines and suspensions and firings. Like it was a regular.

[Jim Norton]

Well, it. Janet Jackson without him intending to. Because after she. That nipple slip. I think Bush was President, it was 2003 and the fines went tenfold. So it went like from 35,000 per occurrence to 350,000 per occurrence.

[Tom Segura]

That's a big jump.

[Jim Norton]

It do. And if you did it on 10 stations, it was. You find on each station. So I think that that's when everybody just was like, we can't do this. They cracked down and then it just started to get shitty. And again, that kind of eventually gave the birth to podcast, where people just couldn't hear it on the radio anymore. And podcast, you could do whatever the you wanted.

[Tom Segura]

So are you enjoying the podcasting?

[Jim Norton]

I'm only. I mean, I've done. I'm only. I do one with my wife, which we've been doing for a while, but this one of just me. Me. I And, And a guest I like a lot. I've only done a few episodes. We got like eight episodes taped. But I love it. I mean, it's so much fun.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, and total freedom. Like, total freedom.

[Jim Norton]

Total freedom. And it's an hour.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

And you're in your house and I, and I, I didn't think I would like it in the house, but it's like I can have somebody whenever I want. Like, yeah, whenever you want to do it, you just do it. It's great. Yeah.

[Christina P]

No notes, nobody telling you what you can. You can't say no.

[Jim Norton]

And nobody else to. Nobody else to have to. No matter how much you like your radio partner, there's always two different thought processes going into it.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Jim Norton]

Two different senses of humor. And I just, I just want to say what I want to say and I want the pace to be what I want the pace to be.

[Tom Segura]

Exactly. Yeah. You dictate it. I mean, they dictate it.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's kind of fun. Like, I remember the whole re. One of the reasons I even wanted to do a podcast was I went on another guy's podcast and I was just like, oh, I wouldn't, I, I wouldn't do it this way. You know, I mean, it started to like, it bothered me. I'm like, why wouldn't you ask that guy that question?

[Jim Norton]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

He was like, I don't know. So that was just like the same kind of thing. If you're like, I'd rather do it the way I want to do it.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. You want the control over it. I'm enjoying the fact that it's him. We were going to get a studio, but they were closed for the holidays. Like this whole thing happened really fast. So I was just like, I've learned from watching other people lose radio jobs. I'm like, don't fucking languish. Don't just sit there like a lump of hoping and being bitter. Shut up. Start doing something else. So at least you're, you know, you're focused on something else.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

You can't just sit there and feel sorry for yourself. Nobody wants to. Nobody cares. Nobody's gonna feel sorry for me.

[Tom Segura]

Well, that's like life that taught you not to just sit around because like maybe 25 year old version of you would. Would do that or something.

[Jim Norton]

You know, getting fired in 2002 changed my life like that. That changed everything for me. You see that it can happen. They can take everything from you. You also know that you're going to be okay. I remember I was with Bobby Kelly. We lived in the same building, and I lived on the 22nd floor. And I'm like. I was saying to myself, like, I should just jump out the window. Like, I finally have fans, and now the whole thing is gone. My life sucks. Just fucking kill yourself. It was stupid. But then tough crowd came along. It's like there's always something else.

[Tom Segura]

There's always something.

[Jim Norton]

Always something else. Although now it's just me. So I don't have Colin's fucking coattails to get dragged behind or ona to come back. So we'll see how it goes.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, man. That your crew, like, your core group is, like, I think amongst comedians is one of the favorites to admire and look up, you know? I mean, like, people love hearing about you. Colin, Patrice, Rich. Like, as a group, you guys seem to have, like, the. One of the coolest classes of people.

[Jim Norton]

It was fun. I still see Colin and Keith all the time. Like, it'll be Keith Robinson, who's actually just in finally. It's crazy. He had a stroke. And Keith is amazing. And I hate. I would never say this to him, but he's amazing because he never feels sorry for himself.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Like, it's crazy. He never complains about having to walk up and down the steps at the Cellar. A lot of times, I'll see him walking from the parking garage to the club, and he's just. You know, he can only walk very, very slow and never feel sorry for himself. It's. It's really inspiring. And it's exactly the opposite of how I would handle it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

You know what I mean? I would be milking it, bitching. And he just did a brilliant hour on Netflix. Like, it's really inspiring to see him. And he's still funny, which is crazy.

[Tom Segura]

That's incredible.

[Jim Norton]

And Patrice, these dumb fans. It's always, no matter what. I. Especially with my marriage. What if Patrice was alive? What would he say? And I think that he would love the fact that his name is being used to torture all of us. He would love the fact that all of a sudden, he's this gold standard of life, and we're just these plebs living in his shadow. He would really enjoy that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he is. He. His name is brought up constantly for all this. Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

I like it, though. I love that people see him that way.

[Tom Segura]

Like, yeah, the memories alive.

[Jim Norton]

It's nice. Yeah. And it's like, I wish he would have gotten to see it, but I'm. I'm happy for him that, like, he's not forgotten. Like, Otto Otto's not forgotten, but I wish Otto was. Talked about more of Otto and George. Yeah. I mean, one of the funniest people to ever live.

[Tom Segura]

I remember getting those tapes. We had, like, Otto and George, like, tapes.

[Jim Norton]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It was crazy, like, passed around.

[Jim Norton]

He was so great and I. I just wish that more people talked about him. But I'm happy for Patrice, you know, I mean, like, when you see one friend getting so many accolades, you're happy and then you're like, I wish he got a little bit more.

[Tom Segura]

And Greg and Geraldo.

[Jim Norton]

I love Geraldo.

[Christina P]

I loved him.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

God, I memorized his stuff.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. He was such a good comic.

[Tom Segura]

So good.

[Jim Norton]

His son does comedy?

[Christina P]

No, his son.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think he's Greg Jr. And he's good looking kid. And. Yeah. He's following his dad's footsteps. And I just think how happy Greg would be to see him doing that.

[Tom Segura]

He's in the city doing it.

[Jim Norton]

He is, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. He was working at the seller as a waiter and now he's out just kind of like, just hustling like, like every other young comic. It's great to see.

[Tom Segura]

That's crazy.

[Christina P]

That's awesome.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. Geraldo was a funny dude.

[Christina P]

I mean, he was so bright, too.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. He was in Harvard. Harvard. Christ, is it crazy how many comics, like, went to law school.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Went to Harvard. All this stuff.

[Tom Segura]

And then there's me.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

How far did you get? Dropped out of high school.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I guess I went to college and everyone goes like, huh, What? Because I went to Lenore Ryan College.

[Jim Norton]

I don't know. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then they're like, is that a real school? I'm like, yeah. I mean, I was. I was a terrible high school student. I got through college all right. But. Yeah, I don't think I could have used a degree less, you know, I mean, communications major. It's nonsense. Yeah, yeah. Just four years of around. It's not. Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Do you, do you feel attached to those years to either. Like, when you look back at, like, high school and like, they're like. Because obviously they both want you both to go to your reunions because you're who you are. Do you go or do you like, dead?

[Tom Segura]

No, I don't go to any of that. I mean, school. The only, the funny thing is sometimes I'll think about college and the only thing I go is like, oh, yeah. It really is the relationships. In other words, like, the friend. Like, college connected me to some people.

[Jim Norton]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

That are meaningful to me. Right. Like certain Friends. As far as, like, I couldn't tell you about a class or a goddamn single thing. I learned nothing.

[Christina P]

Well, it's just like, huh, that's sad.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. I mean, that's just. I don't.

[Jim Norton]

Dude.

[Christina P]

I had a philosophy professor that changed my life. This guy was dying. Back it up. He had built his own log cabin before he was a philosophy professor. He was a professional or what, semi professional boxer. He had lived this incredible life, became a philosophy professor, had an affair with his student, ended up marrying her. Making a kid. The kid ended up going to the college. Like, this guy led such a great life. And then he was dying of cancer. And then he taught existentialism through his treatment. And dying of cancer, which was so crazy and surreal to actively be dying and to teach young kids about life and death at the same time. The guy changed my life forever. You know, like, they open your mind and his penis was delicious. I know, I know that's where you were going. I did not have a. I was.

[Tom Segura]

Definitely not going there with it.

[Christina P]

But he changed my life. He tell you my brain.

[Tom Segura]

I'll tell you my most fond memory. This is how you know that I was a. Like, Like a comedian in a class. Is that in. In communications, there's different tracks you can take. And I took tv, radio production, and there was a class on advertising. And what I still remember is our professor teaching us about, like, ad copy and like, how you have to, you know, how. How the process goes and how it can. Like, there's a. There's a template you used for an ad. This is like in print advertising and how it could go sideways. And he's like. And he cited this example, and he brought up the image on the screen of a newspaper, I think in North Carolina that was advertising for a sporting goods store. And the ad said, wear these skis and you'll ski like a. And. And I laughed so hard.

[Jim Norton]

That's great.

[Tom Segura]

And nobody else left. And I was just like, oh. He was like. He was like, that is so inappropriate and so awful. And I'm sure you can find it by the way. You can probably find this thing on somewhere in online. Yeah, this. And so this was like the. The example that he gave. And I was like, yeah, yeah, you'll ski like a niece that was in. It appeared in the observer or something.

[Jim Norton]

I mean, that's so funny.

[Tom Segura]

It's so funny.

[Jim Norton]

Who does not laugh at that?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, this guy did not. And half the. I mean, my. The. If you go back one. If you quote that, that's amazing. And you put images. I bet you it comes up right there. Probably see where it says 79.97. Wow.

[Christina P]

That's the, that's it. It's the drawing. Oh man. They should have really. I thought they'd go harder on the image.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you'll ski like a. I mean, come on.

[Jim Norton]

That's. Who would not laugh at that?

[Tom Segura]

And this guy was like showing us on the board and being like, you know, I'm laughing. He's like, why would you laugh at this? I'm like, because you like.

[Jim Norton]

And because it made it through.

[Tom Segura]

It made it. Yeah, of course it made it. It's what it is. It's like it's just being a little rascal. Right? It's like, it's very rascally. It's like a little kid getting away with like haha wrote on the wall.

[Jim Norton]

When someone puts porn in like in like some type of presentation.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Jim Norton]

And porn. I don't care where it is. It's always funny.

[Tom Segura]

It's always funny.

[Jim Norton]

Who doesn't enjoy that? Now we're dirty. Like just something inappropriate and inappropriate.

[Tom Segura]

Always inappropriate is my. That's like everyone has their button.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

For laughing. Anything inappropriate. Like the, the person cursing at the, at the gala. You know what I mean? Like the, the juxtaposition of like you shouldn't do this here. I will always bust out laughing in tears. That's what I think.

[Christina P]

That's my Even like vandalism. Like you put a dick on a billboard and I'm gonna giggle every time.

[Jim Norton]

Absolutely. Especially if it's a woman. Oh my God.

[Tom Segura]

Hell yeah.

[Christina P]

Vandalism is like vandalist when it's funny or even. I don't know if he did this growing up. When you'd make a googly eye. You, you erase around the eyeball of somebody in the black and white book. You know, it sound like a picture and then you make the eye big and googly. Like even that. I'll show you what I mean.

[Jim Norton]

No, but that's a. I, I, I, I'm pissed I missed that one.

[Christina P]

Yeah, that's a good dick is great.

[Jim Norton]

Some guy said I I forget who it was that did this interview. He's a prisoner. And he said that one of the things that a prisoners would do which were assholes is like you read the, the got a book. It was a mystery and somebody had gotten the book first and went back and the guy who actually does it, they circled his name every time it appeared in the book. That's amazing. I mean so it just wrecks it. I mean, I wish I would have thought to do that.

[Tom Segura]

This reminds me, I always think about Brendan Walsh when this stuff comes up, you know, Brendan Walsh, Such a rascal. Yeah, such a rascal.

[Jim Norton]

Name is Sh.

[Christina P]

He.

[Tom Segura]

He's just like, this is him.

[Jim Norton]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

This luna lunatic has. He always has done these. These, like, pranks, but they're, like, for himself sometimes, too. Like, he got. He. He was in some zoom. It was for, like. I don't know, it was like. That's the thing. Is it just for him. During the pandemic, you know, everybody was zooming and it was like. I forget what the topic was people were discussing. I don't know if it was like, public health or something. And he would. He got in on these, and there'd be, like, six strangers talking about this topic. It could have been book reviews or something. And he found somebody. He would find people, like, on Craigslist to join the zoom. He'd give them a hundred dollars to be just sitting there like a guy. And. And then at one point, he would just tell them to stand up naked and their decking balls would come across. Everyone would be like, whoa. And then he would be like, what's going on?

[Jim Norton]

Like, he set it up.

[Tom Segura]

He set it up. Or he also did that. That billboard in Silver Lake. In Silver Lake, where it was a T mobile billboard, and it had. It had huge, you know, images of cell phones with texts in it. So it was like. And it was like, sign up for our new plan. Yeah, one of these. And he went up there and did that to it. Your father passed away. Oh, my God. What?

[Jim Norton]

He did. That's funny.

[Tom Segura]

That's amazing.

[Jim Norton]

That's really funny.

[Tom Segura]

So you're driving and you're like, what the fuck is. Your dad died.

[Jim Norton]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P]

But see, this would make me, like, Samsung a lot. I'd buy that.

[Tom Segura]

I'm going to go a Galaxy.

[Jim Norton]

That's. That's really funny.

[Christina P]

Remember when he covered. So there is a gay bar in silver lake called MJ's right by our house.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P]

And didn't he. He made a banner.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, this was. Well, they were. They were clo. They closed. So the first thing was this neighborhood gay bar. Gay. Yeah, it was a gay bar in Silver Lake. In Silver Lake, which is like the east side.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christina P]

It's like a staple.

[Jim Norton]

You know those. Feels right.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Near Los Feliz. And the bar was closing, and so, you know, like, the local community was like, oh, I can't believe it's. You know, it's closing. So he went there, had a, like a big banner made, hung it up and then set up a website so that it would, they would be connected. And this is a, this is the most liberal kind of, you know, very tree huggy kind of area of la. And he this, the sign said coming soon Silver Lake Gun Club. And dude, here's. But the website which was like HTML built and had an eagle just like going like this. And he put up a phone number so people could leave and he goes, he's like, yeah. I just listened to people, they're like, we do not want this in our neighborhood. And then sometimes he said he would answer when they would call and he'd be like, Silver Lake Gun Club. And they're like, what are you doing? He's like, I'm just, this is America, man. I can do what I want and like hang up on them. Just let listen to them get fired up. This is all for his own amusement.

[Jim Norton]

That is so funny. Yeah, there's really funny people out there. Like when you hear about a guy like this, you're like that, what a sorry Silver Lake Gun Club is. Silver League is not getting a gunshot.

[Tom Segura]

That's him. Is the website show live if you went to the website.

[Christina P]

No, it's not unfortunate.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, it's not. God damn.

[Jim Norton]

That's really funny.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. There's people like him though, you're saying, right, that are.

[Jim Norton]

I'm not creative like that. Like I, I wish I was. My humor works different than that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

But I wish I had the ability to do that. Like that's such a, like that, that, that and that T mobile thing. I mean that made me laugh out loud. Like that's really funny.

[Tom Segura]

Really? I know. It's kind of like when, you know, sometimes you're, you're around, you know, like guys who are just comedy writers only.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And some of the, that they just come up with as an idea for like a scene or something. You're like, wow, that is like, it's. They have just a gift.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

For that type of creativity. Right.

[Jim Norton]

Are you good at that? I'm. I'm not good at that. I'm not good at like conceptualizing like the, the bigger picture the scene. Like for me it just comes in like little spurts and little aggressive actions and then I'm kind of done.

[Tom Segura]

I mean I like doing that kind of stuff and I think I'm okay at it. But I definitely think there's people that.

[Christina P]

Are far great at like sketches. You, you're really good at that. Like coming up with a funny scenario. I think you're really good at that.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I'm okay. I think I'm okay. I think what happens is once you put yourself in a room with the people who are really good at. You're like, oh, you know what always.

[Christina P]

Are jealous of are like the Twitter. The Twitter people. Colin Quinn, the great tweet.

[Tom Segura]

The great tweets.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Are just.

[Tom Segura]

What was Colin's thing again?

[Christina P]

He was so funny, Colin.

[Jim Norton]

He was just such an ass and that nothing bothers him. And he'd always say, hey, fans. And it's just so infuriating and he just doesn't care. But he really doesn't care. So it works because it's legit. He's just being ridiculous. He doesn't care. He's not trying to make any big points.

[Christina P]

No. And it always makes me laugh.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Oh, God.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. The conflict between Arabs and Israelis is not just about land, but in my opinion, there's a religious aspect that can't be ignored.

[Jim Norton]

Just the amount of people that will go, like, we fucking talking about it. They just don't understand that he's being an idiot.

[Christina P]

Hey, girls, if you want to look more appealing to me, forget the push up bras and push up the sides of your mouth. A smile is the new tits. Exclamation mark.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. This is amazing. I'm not a racist who believes in white privilege, but I do believe very strongly in white power.

[Jim Norton]

I think he's probably him or a tell. And you hate saying those guys because, like of all of everyone says them Richard Pryor or Chappelle. But I think Colin is probably my favorite guy to watch because every year it's a new hour. It's about something.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

And it's really like he's never. I remember I was on stage one time at the Cellar doing something. It was just whatever. I was just going from A to Z quickly. And he just walked through and he went, nice writing. Lazy. And he. Right, I was. I'm lazy. He never is lazy with his writing. It's always. It's. It's never the easy road. He doesn't do the audience's emotional work. I just. He's just great. He's the best guy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He. His stand and then. Yeah, he can. And then you like learn on his hours and.

[Jim Norton]

Which is kind of annoying. That. That kind of annoys me. Yeah. I don't like that. He actually. You'll see a clipping like, wow, I really didn't know that that's what he wants me to say.

[Tom Segura]

I hate him.

[Jim Norton]

I. I do, too. But the material is great. Like, he's able to take these dry subjects. Like, the Constitution is not a funny thing.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina P]

And he makes it that way.

[Jim Norton]

No. Red state, blue state. Those are not funny subjects. But he makes them hilarious.

[Tom Segura]

I remember with Dave, too, I always tell this, but, like, when I had worked with him, this is, like, close to 20 years ago, and I had. He was, like, really complicated, complimentary. And I was like, you know, just starting, kind of. I was like, this is amazing. And then I saw him, like, a year later, and I did a set, and I did one of those jokes from the year before.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And he was like, still doing that, huh? I go, what? He goes, you're not writing. And I go. He's like, it's 20 minutes. You can't. You don't have a new 20 minutes. And I was like. He goes, what do you want to be, like, an actor or something? I was like. And I was only a few years in, you know, it was like, yeah. So cutting. But it was the same kind of thing where I was like, oh, he's. I'm being lazy. Like, I haven't.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. He's telling you something. He's fucking with you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

But he's also such a great. Like, no matter what he says, you know, it's coming from a place of a guy who's. Who's brilliant. And I hate saying that because it's. The word is thrown around too much.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

But I mean, he really is. His mind. Jasmine has an ability to do that, too. Like where. Like, with. With Dave, you never see the punchline coming in again. I have no idea where it's. You know, we write jokes, so you kind of know the A, B. You never see it coming. And it annoys me and Jasmine, like, even though he's got kind of like a. A cadence and a pace.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

And you have an idea of where it might be.90 of the time. I still don't see what it's gonna predict.

[Tom Segura]

You're like, this is gonna be up.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Or, like. And you try to guess which up it'll be.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But you don't always know.

[Jim Norton]

That's how I know. I. Like, that's how I think somebody is good with Colony. I never see it coming. When I don't see it coming, I'm like, fuck.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. It's also. I can't watch guys. I don't want to watch guys who. I wish I was doing what they're doing.

[Tom Segura]

I know, I know. Same.

[Jim Norton]

That guy's better.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It's upsetting.

[Jim Norton]

Do you get those. Those, like, weird, petty. I don't say jealousies, but those weird. Like, he's great, and I'm just never going to be that.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah, yeah, for sure, man. I mean, and then. And I think the. My maturity is in that. In accepting it. Like in the times when I go, well, how about. He's just great. You know what I mean? It's like. It's like when you play sports, right? Like, and someone's really. And then one day you just go, yeah, he's just the best guy on the team. Like, he's. That's just what it is.

[Jim Norton]

Right. At what point do we let go of. I'm gonna. Because there was that weird dream of being the best, being the one. At what point do we say, like, yeah, I'm good at what I do, but I'm not. I'm not going to be that guy. And like, when does that happen?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I don't. I feel. Feel like I'm kind of. I. I feel pretty much in that. Where I go, you know, I'm really lucky. I'm really happy that I get to work and I have a fan base. And you go, yeah. There's just days where you go, like, you know what? I'm pretty proficient at what I do. And some people really like it.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then you go. When people talk about, like, the best. The best, you. You go. It's these people. And I guess, like, depending, like, I don't want to act like it's the same every day, but I think there's a point where you just go, yeah, that's who they talk about. They talk about those guys. Yeah, that's fine.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, I'm okay with it, too. I just don't know when it happened.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Like, I don't know what the period was where you, like, you. You kind of slide into accepting that and going, yeah, I'll be. Always be good at what I do. And it's great. And people. Some people like it and some people think it stinks.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

And that's fine.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

But that group. I'm not in that group.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

I don't know when I came to accept that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I know. I think it's a. I feel like it's kind of just this process because another year goes by and you're like, yeah, I'm not in that group.

[Jim Norton]

Are you on lists? I never wind up on list. Never.

[Christina P]

I'm never on See, some of that. A lot of that is like, the machine, too, of publicists and.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And what. Also, who's publishing that? It's usually.

[Tom Segura]

It's not that that peeps. It's not that. That's a lot of it. It's what it is.

[Christina P]

It is what it is.

[Tom Segura]

It is bullshit. Those are. I mean, like, it's not even to diminish those people who are super accomplished.

[Jim Norton]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

But lists are PR machines.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's what. That's. What is. That is. A lot of times this. People on a list. A lot of times all have the same PR person.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And sometimes they're plugged into this thing and, you know, it's almost like. I think the longer you do it, too, when you start reading, like, reviews of a special and somebody's like, you'll remember where you were. This doesn't. This isn't really accurate. You know, It's. This is just one person's feeling. It's just like, if. If I wrote it, it's just my feeling. So. But yeah, on a top 10 list.

[Jim Norton]

I'm never at top 10. I mean, I'm talking top 100. I just.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, stop.

[Christina P]

There he is. Oh, the same list.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P]

You guys both are on the same list.

[Tom Segura]

Well, some lists are amazing.

[Jim Norton]

Segura and Norton, five. Oh, and Netflix. You need to watch.

[Christina P]

There you go. You guys are on the same list.

[Jim Norton]

Wait, who made this up? Did your producers make this up before?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's on. It's on writersbone.com.

[Jim Norton]

Thank you, writers.

[Christina P]

You got it.

[Jim Norton]

I know. It's. It's. It's. It's. It's never. There's never times.

[Tom Segura]

It's also from 2014. Jim.

[Jim Norton]

Oh, nice. Well, I'm just seeing it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

I feel refreshed.

[Christina P]

Feel better now.

[Jim Norton]

New sense of confidence.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. This is pretty great. Can you find any more lists, like, good ones, though? Oh, 79 comedians. We have to be on that, right?

[Jim Norton]

Are we on?

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P]

Oh, you made it.

[Tom Segura]

Has a master of the fan base. Cool.

[Christina P]

What year is this?

[Tom Segura]

This is probably.

[Jim Norton]

This is probably. And Nick Schwartzen.

[Christina P]

Yeah. This is oldie.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. This has got to be. I'm gonna guess this is 2015. This is not a new list, although Mulaney's on it, so maybe it's not that old.

[Tom Segura]

What year is that from? He's like the. He's like the prototype when they go, this is how you should. This is a comedian.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I think. Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

He's handsome.

[Tom Segura]

He's handsome. Greater. Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Very clever guy and a good Performer. It's always different.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. You look at him, you're like, yeah, I get why he's really successful.

[Christina P]

But here's the thing, Jim Norton is that if I want to hear about giving a five year old kid a blowjob, I want it from you. You're the only guy that can tell that story.

[Jim Norton]

Well, when I was five. Let's just clarify. Not like now. No, but how would he get fired from driving a bus?

[Christina P]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah, sorry, when you were five. But I mean, do you know what I mean? Like, John Mulaney can't do that. I don't want him to do that. I don't want him to blow 5 year olds. You know what I mean?

[Tom Segura]

It's also my favorite. To add to that, it's my favorite type of.

[Christina P]

You guys know what I'm fucking saying? Schmucks. God, you guys are so immature. Grow up.

[Tom Segura]

To make it real clear, Jim is not talking about blowing.

[Christina P]

Yeah, he isn't blowing.

[Jim Norton]

No. I was also five. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina P]

I'm trying to give him compliment.

[Jim Norton]

Thank you.

[Christina P]

Jerks. The point is, I like. But I like the deep weirdos and I've always liked that.

[Tom Segura]

I always like the darker.

[Christina P]

And I'm not gonna like. I don't like the stuff everyone else likes. You know what I mean? I think it's more valuable.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

That you're a bit of a dark horse, a weirdo.

[Jim Norton]

I like that if, if you're hitting something in people or if they relate to something that they don't want to admit or talk about, it always feels good because that's what makes me laugh. Like and against the stupidest thing. Oh, I was thinking that. And I didn't want to say, but when you hear a comic hit something like that, that it still makes me feel.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Jim Norton]

Something or. But I mean, that's what politics is. Somebody says something that I feel in my guts and the guys who are really good at being political are guys who know how to hit that thing that's in your gut and make it look like that's the way everyone else should feel.

[Tom Segura]

So.

[Christina P]

Yeah, that's true.

[Jim Norton]

You know, it kind of works. And the guy who can work the room the best is usually the guy who, who wins.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

The guy who can tap into that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Yeah. True story.

[Tom Segura]

I like, I, I've always. It's like the same reason, like, I don't watch PG movies. I like watching rated R movies. Like, that's what I, I like watching rated R comedians. Like, that's my favorite Thing to watch.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. Unless it's bad news. Bearish. And then I like the new one better. The new one was much better. But yeah, I. I don't like PG movies either. I just feel like now they're gonna censor something out that I want to see.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

It's almost like in Smokey and the Bandit, which is such a great, hilarious movie. There's a line where Jackie Gleason is like. He sees the cop in the thing and he goes, next time wear a badge on your diety. And it was covering the word dick. But they. It's so bad. It's such a bad after dub. But you can see his mouth. He goes, next time wear your badge on your dick. Which would have been a really funny line.

[Tom Segura]

Really funny.

[Jim Norton]

But they. I think diety. Yeah, like your diet, your diaper, whatever that is. It was such a bad dub.

[Tom Segura]

He's amazing in that.

[Christina P]

So funny.

[Jim Norton]

I don't think I've ever seen a funnier performance by anybody anywhere than him. He's the funniest fat guy ever. Like again, Belushi was great. John Can. He was great. Chris Farley's great. But in that realm of like larger than life fat guys. Yes. Nobody was funnier than Gleason. Nobody.

[Christina P]

So funny. Especially in this movie.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God. Incredible. Also, I used to watch. I used to watch as a kid, I would watch the. The Newlyweds. Right. What was it called? What was the show that he was on from like the.

[Christina P]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I used to watch that as a kid all the time. He's a. He's like a. It's like a clinic in.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Funny. Natural acting.

[Jim Norton]

And they said he wouldn't rehearse and he would just kind of like. Like they said if he was rubbing his stomach, it meant he was trying to like, remember a line. Like he was just one of those guys that was just great in the moment and the rest of them would want to rehearse. I think Joyce Randolph is the only one that got residuals out of that.

[Tom Segura]

Trixie. Really?

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. I think her brother was a lawyer or her brother in law was a lawyer and she signed something for like whatever she signed, but she wound up getting money over the years and the rest of them did not.

[Tom Segura]

Holy shit.

[Jim Norton]

Back then it was live done. And no one thought it would be anything else.

[Christina P]

Right. Because syndication didn't exist until I Love Lucy, I think. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Ari Meadows was the only cast member of the Honeymoons to receive residual payments for the show throughout her life. This was due to a clause in her contract, which was the result of her managers.

[Jim Norton]

Oh, see, I got a rookie. I thought it was. I thought it was Joyce Randolph. It was Audrey Meadows. Okay. It was one of them, bro.

[Tom Segura]

That's amazing.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, she was really funny too. She's like the first feminist on tv. Like, she always won. She was always right. She was always smart. Smarter than her husband and she brutalized him.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

I mean, some of the lines were just. They were just. Just really, really monstrously funny.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Things she got to say, that's. It's the best show ever.

[Tom Segura]

It's incredible.

[Jim Norton]

They couldn't touch sex. They couldn't touch divorce. They, you know, nothing that you could kind of. They had such a limited.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Boundaries where they could work in corridor.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, your boundaries. And they were just. You ever see the original Alice just doesn't work. No, there's like an original Alice and I think she played a maid on later episodes. But the. A couple of them, I think. I think her and Trixie were the second ones. Great show.

[Tom Segura]

Amazing.

[Christina P]

Yeah. I've never seen an episode you have to watch. Like, I know. I've seen takeouts or whatever.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Christina P]

I've never watched a full episode. No.

[Jim Norton]

There's only 39 of the classic. Like there's other ones that were shot for like I think whatever Cavalcade of stars, whatever show us. But the 39, like the guts of the series episode. The big ones. Wow. You've never seen them. That's amazing.

[Christina P]

No. I was watching Mr. Ed growing up.

[Jim Norton]

Mr. Ed was good.

[Tom Segura]

This is great.

[Christina P]

And the. The Jeffersons. But that's not black and white.

[Jim Norton]

I. Sherman Hemsley. I got to know him a little bit.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. Not well. But he would come around. He was doing stand up and he would do me and Voss hung out with him. And he's probably. At that time there was the most famous person I'd ever been around because every homeless people, everyone recognized George Jefferson.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

But he went on at Caroline's and he. It was because he was like a kind of a half sold room and he walked on to the Jefferson's theme song and he just did like, you know, 35, 40 minutes to stand up. And I think he brought people on, but it was. It was nice to get to know him.

[Tom Segura]

But yeah.

[Jim Norton]

You know, nice guy, sweet, very nice guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We kept in touch for a while. And then he died.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, man.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. That ended that.

[Tom Segura]

Let me. Can I ask you to throw the cans on for just one second? Sure. So. Because I always this. I think you're the perfect person to do this with is there. Can you hear? Well, I know you have audio.

[Jim Norton]

Yes, all good.

[Tom Segura]

So we'll show you these videos.

[Jim Norton]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

Just a few clips and you just. You just tell me whether you think it's horrible or. Or hilarious. Okay. So we just like to play these for people.

[Christina P]

How he laughed, though.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, it's both. It's horrible and it's hilarious.

[Tom Segura]

It's both. It is both. Just one more time. Here we go.

[Christina P]

Dude, I could see myself doing this.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah, we can all. I mean, he just slid.

[Christina P]

Oh, dude. Right in the kneecap.

[Tom Segura]

Cuz you get confident sometimes right around a pool. You're like, yeah, I'm gonna have fun now. I'm gonna let. I'm a kid again. And then. Yeah, you forget that you can break everything.

[Jim Norton]

And pool disasters are like when someone jumps off a roof that you're so vulnerable because it's all concrete and you smash your knees. Yeah, Pool disasters are terrible.

[Tom Segura]

Steel and. Yeah. And then. Or a shallow end. It's all. It can all go sideways for you.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. You can wind up in a wheelchair easily.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. This is pretty reckless. These guys are kind of man.

[Jim Norton]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Like, people are standing around. This is.

[Christina P]

Oh, that's not cool.

[Tom Segura]

She's up. Yeah, she's super.

[Jim Norton]

She is. Yeah. But it's hard not to laugh because you know something's about to happen.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you do. And he's. And those guys are going, you know, that's definitely more than 30 miles an hour.

[Jim Norton]

That's a dick move. Yeah. Yeah, that's a dick move. But again, I see the. The humor in it. Watching somebody get flattened is always.

[Tom Segura]

It's always funny. Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Wow.

[Christina P]

Is this how congested it is when you sled?

[Jim Norton]

I don't.

[Tom Segura]

This is crazy. And. And they're real crazy because, like, you could have cleared it, you know, I mean, you could have found a path. No, it's not normally like this.

[Jim Norton]

They just wanted to zip through people. They wanted people as their obstacles.

[Christina P]

Oh, dicks. Well, then you. Oh, I don't like this one. Okay. I like this one.

[Tom Segura]

And that's not. I've seen really bad ones. That wasn't bad at all.

[Jim Norton]

No, because it looks like the bar. It almost looks like what you would consider a girl's bike. Like the boys bikes would have the bars where your nuts could smash. Do they have that bar? Or is that bar low, like in a girl's bike? Because it doesn't look like his balls get crunched too badly.

[Tom Segura]

That's right. And also, this is where you can tell that there's gonna be a real problem is right when he's about to.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, he's reaching for.

[Tom Segura]

That's going to be bad. Let's see the bar. No, it doesn't look like a standard bar. Right, right.

[Jim Norton]

It looks like, like if that bar had been there right now, his balls would be smashed. But it looks like it's not there.

[Tom Segura]

It's almost like. Looks like an ebike maybe. Cuz that's such a.

[Christina P]

Like a beach area cruiser. This isn't like a dirt bike, is it? No, it's different. He's. He's using the wrong bike.

[Jim Norton]

He is.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

But he got lucky there. Saved his balls.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, save his balls. All right.

[Christina P]

This one, his teeth are gone, but his balls.

[Tom Segura]

This is my final one here. There you go. Oh my God.

[Christina P]

Did he lose his shoes?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, he lost his face. He slid on his face.

[Jim Norton]

Oh, that one got me. Yeah, that one got me. Oh, poor fat idiot having fun. Trying to like prove that he still got it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he still got it with his buddy. These are two. They're two dicks and khakis.

[Jim Norton]

We're in the same outfit, by the way.

[Tom Segura]

They're wearing the same outfit, these morons.

[Jim Norton]

Oh no.

[Tom Segura]

Clearly been drinking. Look at the stumble. Starts there. Yeah, that's where he starts to go wrong.

[Jim Norton]

He's two blocks back and he's falling.

[Tom Segura]

He hasn't run in.

[Christina P]

Well, he's not wearing shoes. That's the problem.

[Jim Norton]

Because he probably had on dress shoes.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

And his friend goes, you want to race like in the old days?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

And he's gonna take my shoes off.

[Christina P]

Oh, is that fantastic skin just came off his face.

[Tom Segura]

And I so wish we had the after shot of just like missing face.

[Jim Norton]

Do you ever see shots of that, like motorcycle accidents? I, I've seen like a lot of videos of people who like have these awful motorcycle accidents and the. A piece of their half their face is gone. Yeah, I can't get on a motorcycle.

[Christina P]

No way.

[Tom Segura]

I just saw a video of, of a tiger attacking a guy. Have you seen this?

[Jim Norton]

Was it in a cage in India?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I think, I think it's in some type of like. It looks like it's like there's no reason for a person to be there and other people be outside of it. Right. So it must be like at a zoo or something. But anyways, he doesn't die and the aftermath is insane.

[Jim Norton]

I don't know if I saw. How long did it last?

[Tom Segura]

Huh?

[Christina P]

That sounds really nice.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Did you watch that on the toilet this morning.

[Tom Segura]

I watched it last week. Yeah, I don't know how long the attack. So what happens is it starts with the. These tigers around this dude. And then somebody shoots, like, they're trying to, like, make the tigers run, and the tigers scatter. But then one comes back and starts gnawing on the guy and clawing on him. And then it just goes to the hospital footage. And these wounds are just. I have it on my. I'll show it to you.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah, I would love to see it. This is different. The one I'm thinking of was in a zoo or something, and he had jumped into, like, the tiger cage, and the tiger was just walking around with him, dragging him by the head, and people were throwing things. It's crazy how when an animal like that is eating someone. Intervention doesn't matter.

[Christina P]

You're fucked. You're just dead.

[Jim Norton]

You're doomed. He's not afraid of people hitting him. He's not intimidated by a lot of big cats, too.

[Tom Segura]

Even in the wild, they like to play with their prey before they eat it. So sometimes people are like, oh, that's cute. Like, it's playing with that gazelle. You're like, no, it's gonna eat it in a little bit here. He's having fun right now.

[Jim Norton]

It's nat. I. There was one video, it was from an African safari, and it was like. It was a. It was either a gazelle or what. It was one of those. A buffalo stuck in the mud, like, up to the shoal, and the lions are just eating it alive. And then they bite its asshole out, because I guess that's sweet, but they went for its. And they bit his asshole out while he was alive. Nature is very unpleasant.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then intestines fall out, and they're like, this is delicious.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Well, they like to eat the soft tissue first, so that's why they'll eat organs like that first. So they'll eat, like, intestines and. Because they're like, oh, these are. It's easier to eat. And then they're like, all right, now we'll work through the tougher stuff.

[Jim Norton]

Yeah. And the buffalo is just standing there.

[Tom Segura]

Just embarrassed, making those noises.

[Jim Norton]

And you're like, God. But you can never tell. That's the. The same noise they make when they're hungry is the same noise they make when their assholes being eaten out by a fucking predator. You have no idea what. They're very hard to read.

[Tom Segura]

That's very hard to read. All right. The new podcast is called Jim Norton can't save you. There's episodes out now. Yes. You're going to have guests that you choose to have on whenever you want. And you also have another podcast with.

[Jim Norton]

Nikki, it's called Sword Fight. And, you know, we just been doing it where we have, you know, we have guests come on and we. Most of them are comics.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Jim Norton]

And I just wanted to do something with it because she makes me laugh.

[Tom Segura]

That's awesome.

[Jim Norton]

And, yeah, we do it once a week, and I love it.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you for coming in.

[Jim Norton]

You guys are great. Thank you.

[Tom Segura]

All right, we'll see you guys next week.

[Christina P]

Bye.

[Jim Norton]

Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, Tommy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Tommy, Tommy, Tommy, would you marry your dad? Just like, just.

[Christina P]

Just like the gays.

[Tom Segura]

Just like, just.

[Christina P]

Just like the gays.

[Tom Segura]

Just. Just like, just.

[Christina P]

Just like the gays.

[Tom Segura]

Just like, just.

[Christina P]

Just like the gays.

[Jim Norton]

Tommy, would you marry your son?

[Tom Segura]

Yes, of course. My God, I wish I could. Tommy, would you marry your dad? Oh, yeah. Yeah, of course I would.

[Christina P]

Do it again.

[Tom Segura]

Christina, would you marry your son?

[Christina P]

Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Would you marry your dad? Yeah, of course.

[Christina P]

I live for this kind of. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Just like, just.

[Christina P]

Just like the gays.

[Tom Segura]

Just like, just.

[Christina P]

Just like the gays.

[Tom Segura]

Just like, just.

[Christina P]

Just like the gays.

[Tom Segura]

Just like, just. Would you marry your mom? No. Come on. I think I'd marry my dad.

[Jim Norton]

Okay. Christina.

[Christina P]

Yeah?

[Jim Norton]

Would you marry your mom?

[Christina P]

I don't know. Please? No.

[Tom Segura]

Would you marry your dad? Yeah, of course. For sure.

[Christina P]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I really would. Like, just Tommy, like the gays. Tommy, like, just Tommy, like the gays. Tommy, like, just Tommy, like the gays, Tommy, like, just. Would you marry your dad?