Tim & Christine Learn About Bimbofication | Your Mom's House Ep. 854

Summary

Podcast Summary

Your Mom's House Ep. 854 – “Tim & Christine Learn About Bimbofication”

Air date: April 8, 2026
Hosts: Tom Segura (T Buns) & Christina Pazsitzky (Fart Dog)
Studio: YMH Studios

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Episode Overview

In this raucously candid episode, Tom and Christina dig into taboo topics, internet oddities, viral stories, and the ever-peculiar corners of contemporary culture—including a real-world political scandal involving bimbofication, out-there sexual kinks, and wild internet trends. As always, they blend irreverent humor, honest personal stories, and genuine curiosity, all served with their signature unapologetic banter.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Incest and Morality – The Philosophy of Taboo

[04:17–12:20]

• Tom introduces the clip: "Can someone explain to me what the moral problem with incest is?" prompting a philosophical and comedic debate.
• Christina draws from her philosophy background:

  “Historically, to maintain and preserve wealth in big families, you’d marry a cousin, you’d marry your own blood.” (06:44, Christina)

• They discuss the historical and cultural variance in attitudes toward incest and cousin marriage.
• Christina recounts “Frenching” her second cousin in Hungary in 1994, reflecting comically on the embarrassment and why the taboo exists.
• Tom muses about the difference between genetic closeness and familiarity:

  “If you see [your cousin] all the time, maybe it feels more incestuous... if you go 11 years without seeing them, it feels like a stranger.” (07:48, Tom)

• Power dynamics and age difference are noted to be critical in ethical considerations (e.g., Woody Allen and Soon-Yi).
• The pair settle on the primary moral concern being the risk of children with birth defects, not the relationship itself if both are consenting and of similar age.

Notable moment:
Christina on kissing her cousin:

“We did, and I was kind of like, okay, I think I’ve tried that. That’s the end of that chapter.” (08:27, Christina)

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2. Are You Your Own “Type?” – Sexual Attraction and Narcissism

[12:25–13:20]

• Tom and Christina switch to a humorous discussion of whether people are attracted to those who look like themselves, with Tom saying:

  “Now that you say it, I’m definitely not gay-attracted to my type.” (11:29, Tom)

• Christina admits, “I think I am my gay type. …I want to look like [Charlize Theron]” (10:59, Christina)

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3. Kristi Noem’s Husband & Bimbofication Kink Scandal

[14:21–24:27]

• Tom summarizes the controversy: Kristi Noem’s husband’s photos leaked online, showing him cross-dressing with exaggerated fake breasts—part of a kink called “bimbofication.”
• Christina:

  “If this hoe, she just ruined her own business. Why would you do this?” (16:39, Christina)

• They dissect the kink: hyperfeminization, exaggerated femininity, motivations behind it, and hypocrisy in conservative figures.
• Christina delivers a pragmatic take:

  “As fetishes go, that’s the easiest one for a husband—just put on your tits and let’s lock the door.” (21:01, Christina)

• They mock the poor “fashion” and presentation, with Christina offering business advice:

  “There needs to be a consultation—a place where dudes can go and a woman can help you look like a better woman. I would do this.” (23:49, Christina)

• Tom:

  “It’s always pastors. They repress it so much and then you gotta … it always comes out.” (17:36, Tom)

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4. Elderly OnlyFans and the Expanding Market for Sex Work

[24:30–26:44]

• The hosts celebrate Linda Hope, an octogenarian OnlyFans content creator, for her positive attitude and independence.
• Christina:

  “As far as the 80-year-old market goes, I would say she’s top shelf. She’s really good-looking.” (25:23, Christina)

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5. Luxury Gifting for Chefs & Relationship Dynamics

[29:09–32:00]

• Tom explains buying a chef a Lamborghini for a great meal, sparking playful marital banter about extravagant gratitude.
• Christina:

  “At first I was upset, and then I was like, how much would you pay for that meal? 300,000 easily.” (30:51, Christina)

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6. Internet Food Critics – Pure Joy on a Plate

[32:15–33:53]

• They praise Indian food reviewer Sumit Yadav for unabashed enthusiasm and simple reviews.
• Christina:

  “These are the best reviews. Yeah, this is all I understand in the world.” (32:50, Christina)

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7. Viral Videos: Escalator Dangers & Wet Floors Trauma

[38:13–53:09]

• Larry, a serious safety PSA guy, reminds not to bring wheels onto escalators—sparking discussion of mundane dangers.
• Tom:

  “The whole time I’ve been like, I never think when I get on an escalator. Sometimes I have … a cart or luggage.” (39:34, Tom)

• Both share their lingering trauma from previous injuries, especially regarding wet floors and stairs.
• Tom reflects on peer pressure, male ego, and injury:

  “That’s the thing that replays in my head… knowing that I don’t have more and being like, okay. Which is a very, I think, male thing.” (54:59, Tom)

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8. Race, Weight, and Physical Comedy

[49:17–56:17]

• Christina and Tom riff on physical mishaps and how weight, gender, and race play into stereotypes and real-world outcomes, with humor and honesty.
• Standout:

  Tom: “I think my body wouldn’t have allowed it to break if I was black.”
  Christina: “You wanted his black approval, which… is bigger than white approval. It’s the best approval.” (55:21, 55:23)

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9. Outrageous Internet Trends: Aging, Healing, and Rituals

[65:41–72:08]

• The “old people smell” TikTok: scientific terms for 2-nonenal, shame, and anti-aging hustle.
• Ritual haircuts as therapy: “What are you letting go of?” (67:27)
• Christina’s favorite: White people paying to do ayahuasca and frog poison in the jungle, vomiting and “healing.”

  “Not only have they paid for that stupidity, they’ve flown to some remote jungle in a third-world fucking country.” (69:32, Christina)

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10. Strange Snacks, Apology Videos, and Drunken Mishaps

[72:30–77:37]

• Viral confession: “Salted peanuts in Coca Cola. That’s the best snack there is right here.” (72:30)
• Hilarious public apology video:

  “I really want to apologize again that I peed in the oven. I really thought I was raising up the lid.” (73:43, Tom performing the video)

• Tom and Christina exchange stories of drunken relatives peeing in inappropriate places, and the blurred line between sleepwalking and alcoholism.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On philosophy & incest:

  “I French’d one of my cousins, though, in Hungary. Remember? First cousin 94.” (07:22, Christina)

• On bimbofication:

  “If he’s like a conservative telling people how to live their lives, it’s always that. That’s why it’s always these pastors that they’re like, ‘I have a Grindr account.’” (17:36, Tom)

• On onlyfans/older creators:

  “She’s supporting herself. …We support her!” (25:36, Christina)

• On extravagant thank-you gifts:

  “If you want to cook for me, you know how it goes. If it’s good, it’ll probably be like a car or something.” (30:28, Tom)

• On a food review:

  “This is all I understand in the world.” (32:51, Christina)

• On ayahuasca retreats:

  “Not only have they paid for that stupidity… If they die, they just die out there.” (69:32, Christina)

• On public apologies:

  “I really want to apologize again that I peed in the oven. I really thought I was raising up the lid.” (73:43, Tom)

• On black approval:

  “You wanted his black approval, which… is bigger than white approval. It’s the best approval.” (55:23, Christina)

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Timestamps for Important Segments

• Incest Philosophy & Stories: 04:17–12:20
• Sexual/Narcissistic Attraction: 12:25–13:20
• Bimbofication Scandal: 14:21–24:27
• Elderly OnlyFans/Support: 24:30–26:44
• Chef Lamborghini Gift: 29:09–32:00
• Internet Food Reviews: 32:15–33:53
• Escalator Dangers/Wet Floor Trauma: 38:13–53:09
• Race, Weight, and Comedy: 49:17–56:17
• Internet Trends: Aging & Rituals: 65:41–72:08
• Peanuts in Coke & Public Apologies: 72:30–77:37

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Tone & Style Highlights

• Unapologetically candid
• Comedic, irreverent, but often genuinely curious
• Alternates between wild stories, thoughtful reflections, and absurdity
• Frequent meta-humor and playful marriage banter
• Willingness to dissect taboo (and silly) internet trends with both humor and honesty

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For Listeners Who Missed the Episode:

This episode is a whirlwind tour of weird, funny, and sometimes uncomfortable moments from real life, the internet, and Tom & Christina’s own histories. If you enjoy deep-dives into internet culture, frank conversation about sexuality and gender, or just need to hear two people riffing off each other with wild honesty, this episode delivers all that and more—often with a surprising philosophical or empathetic twist.

Transcript

[Tom Segura]

Well, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

[Christina P]

We gather here tonight to bring women back to their rightful place. The Testaments, a new Hulu original series from the executive producers of the Handmaid's Tale. It's easier to accept a story than believe that the people around you are monsters. The battle isn't over. There comes a time when you have to take action, when you have to choose your own destiny. Watch the new Hulu original series, the Testaments, streaming on Hulu and Hulu on Disney for bundle subscribers. Terms apply.

[Tom Segura]

Welcome to another episode of your mom's house. I'm Tom, AKA T Buns. She's Chrissy, AKA Fart Dog. And we are so excited. We have so much ground to cover today. I can't wait to get into all of this. One thing I wanted to point out at the very tip top of this show is that we here at YMH Studios, with this great staff and great production, produced the end, Ari Shafir's new and final storytelling show, that is a collection of stories told by incredible comics and it comes out April 16, is on pre sale right now. The amount of talent on this thing is so phenomenal. He really, he got Nate Bargazi, Jim Brewer, Chris Stefano, Shane Gillis, Tony Hinchcliffe, Jordan Jensen, Robert Kelly, Joe List, Mark Norman, big J Okerson, Ms. Pat, Jessa Reed, myself, Ari Ali Siddiq, Steve Simone, Dan Soder, Sam Tala, and so on. And so it was so many great comics all in that format. If you ever saw Ari's storytelling show that at first he would tour LA with, I think he also did it many times in New York. It was a Comedy Central show. This is him doing that, I believe, one last time. And so you can watch it starting April 16th. You can get all the episodes, you can buy individual episodes, but if you do it now, you get a discount for doing it. And all you have to do is go to ymhstudios.com the show is called the End, and it's fantastic. It really is so great. This staff did an incredible job producing it and we're very proud of it. So if you could, if you'd love to support the show and if you support shows like this, it just leads to more things like this coming out, you know?

[Christina P]

Yeah, try it out.

[Tom Segura]

Try it out, man. Try it out. So there's that gene I know you have.

[Christina P]

I'm making standups, very limited runs this weekend just here in Texas. I'm doing comedy Mothership April 10th and 11th. And then I go to Irving, Texas,

[Tom Segura]

which is close to.

[Christina P]

Which is phallus. April 24th and 25th. And then. Comedy works. Yes, it does.

[Tom Segura]

Comedy and prayer. And you're doing downtown, which is the. The most incredible place to do stand up comedy. Honestly, like you've heard it from a million comedians. And the reason is because it's true. But that place is magical.

[Christina P]

Really is.

[Tom Segura]

And I think you're really going to enjoy it.

[Christina P]

And Chicago, the Den Theater, September 18th and 19th. And also by my lipsticks, I'm wearing my new liquid lipstick. This is the cuts you up color. And I love it. It's so high quality. It's from Italy. It's well made. And I, I do this myself because I believe in these products, all of them. And then I also did my Velvet Crush blush today. This is forever. Winona, take it out.

[Tom Segura]

Christinap.com Go see her live. Get your makeups.

[Christina P]

Go your things.

[Tom Segura]

Do your stuff.

[Christina P]

Like that.

[Tom Segura]

That's that. We are very excited to have many discussions and show you many interesting things, things that the mainstream media won't show you. You're not going to see this on cnn. You're not going to see this on msnbc. You're not going to see this on Fox News. You're only going to see it here. I understand that sometimes people write articles about what we do on this show and we will continue to be the people that bring you the real story.

[Christina P]

That's correct.

[Tom Segura]

Tom, are you ready to open the show? Because I think this is an interesting thing.

[Christina P]

Oh, I can't wait.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, here we go. Here you go. Can someone explain to me what the moral problem with incest is? I. I think that. I think that I don't see really a problem with it as long. As long as, you know, having a kid. Yeah, that's a really good point.

[Christina P]

We'll talk about it.

[Tom Segura]

Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura

[Christina P]

and Christina.

[Tom Segura]

Welcome to your mom's house.

[Christina P]

Oh, you felt it?

[Tom Segura]

I felt that one. I felt it. Dude,

[Christina P]

he's not right.

[Tom Segura]

Can someone explain the fucking issue with incest? That's a really great question.

[Christina P]

Can I tell you something?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

When I was an undergrad in philosophy, we discussed this.

[Tom Segura]

I'm sure this is a great philosophical topic.

[Christina P]

It kind of is, though, because historically, to maintain and preserve wealth in big families, you would marry a cousin, you would marry your own blood.

[Tom Segura]

In tradition. Tradition. Throughout history, this has been done so much, especially in royalty, right?

[Christina P]

Yes. They're all in bread.

[Tom Segura]

Aside from that, in today's world, there are many Occurrences of first cousins marrying.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

This is not a rare thing, and

[Christina P]

I don't think you necessarily produce r words if you do your first cousin. I think the only reason incest is discouraged is because of the breeding stuff.

[Tom Segura]

So what you're saying is we got a real philosopher here.

[Christina P]

I think this is Nietzsche.

[Tom Segura]

This is.

[Christina P]

But do you see a moral problem? I don't. Let's say you grew up and you're like, I fucking love my sister Maria. Just the chemistry.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P]

Is that necessarily wrong?

[Tom Segura]

Well, we know someone. We know someone.

[Christina P]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

We do know someone who one time just went on and on. We were talking to this person about their love life, and the person that we spoke to was like, you know, who would be my ideal mate? And we were both like, oh, who? And the person said, my. My sibling.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And we were like, what?

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then they were like, no, like, my sibling is fun and beautiful and interesting and all this stuff. And we were like, you're talking about your sibling right now.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And he was very, like, very.

[Christina P]

And very, very normal. Like, yeah, we do everything together. We.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, we have a great time. I wish I could meet someone like this. Yeah, yeah.

[Christina P]

I mean, like, I don't have. I have stepsisters.

[Tom Segura]

Well, here's the thing, though. But you do have first cousins. Now, could you see yourself scissoring with. You know what I mean? Like, what? Would you be licking each other to death?

[Christina P]

Licking each other to death? No, no. I did French one of my cousins, though, in Hungary. Remember? First cousin 94.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, that's. That changes everything. I mean, I've six second cousins, but a first cousin. Here's the other thing about a first cousin. How often does someone see their first cousin?

[Christina P]

Like a kind of. Sometimes a lot. If you're close.

[Tom Segura]

I'm saying that I think that plays a role because if you see them all the time, maybe it's. Feels more incestuous.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

If they're like, this is your first cousin, but you go 11 years without seeing them, then you might be like, oh, this is like. Feels like a stranger in a way. Right. Even though you're told. I think. I don't know. I think it would be very, very strange.

[Christina P]

Well, the second cousin that I Frenched, I had not met him prior to that summer.

[Tom Segura]

But that is.

[Christina P]

So. That's. You're right. There's something to the distance, you know,

[Tom Segura]

Also a second cousin. It's. It's not as much of a line being like, there's a. Yeah.

[Christina P]

And it felt. We honestly Though after we did, I was kind of like, okay, I think I've. I've tried that. That's the end of that chapter.

[Tom Segura]

But was it because. Because it's a second cousin.

[Christina P]

Yeah. I was like, this is. I can't tell anybody.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Until now I'm, you know, 30 years down the road because it was so embarrassing. And yeah, my best friend was there with Shauna, was there, so she knew. And I, I just, I felt so embarrassed, really. But, but, but, but back to this thing. He's right. Because if you're both of the same age, you're, you're. There's no power discrepancy. Like, like, for instance, Woody Allen and his stepdaughter, Soon Yi Previn. That's. That's a power thing. That's an older person.

[Tom Segura]

Definitely. Because they're like, remember when I raised you?

[Christina P]

Yeah, but if you're together and let's say you're close in age, what if you're twins?

[Tom Segura]

Which fraternal twins?

[Christina P]

I don't know. Oh, maybe it could be ideal. You know that person so well.

[Tom Segura]

I still can't believe that I always think about the guy I know that saw me with Sean was like, twins.

[Christina P]

You do look like each other.

[Tom Segura]

No, we do. People say it all the time on set. They're like, why isn't this your stand in? Why isn't this your double? Like, you know, you guys look alike, but this guy looked at me and goes, twins.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then we were like, yeah. He goes, yeah, I'm a twin.

[Christina P]

We were like, but do you think if you were gay, you would want to be with Sean?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, of course.

[Christina P]

Why of course he's your type. Meaning you're your type.

[Tom Segura]

No, like, we're close. Like, we've, you know, we've showered together, we've bathed together, we sleep together.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

We feed each other.

[Christina P]

Yeah, but you're your gay type is what you're saying. Like, what's your gay type?

[Tom Segura]

I don't. I haven't really put much thought into it. What I'm saying is, though, this guy makes somewhat of a point, but I still think what's the, the moral issue with incest is that. Isn't that you don't think there's any spring. Yeah, it's just offspring.

[Christina P]

The. I wouldn't. If they're the same age, let's say you two have the same mental capacity. Nobody's of diminished mental capacity. You two are raised together. You're adults.

[Tom Segura]

I see. Like, no one's like that.

[Christina P]

Okay, then it is the offspring. That's the problem. Yeah, because then they come out all touched. They come out a little funky.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I never thought that playing this video would lead to such an interesting dialogue.

[Christina P]

You know what, though?

[Tom Segura]

Let's tap this guy more often.

[Christina P]

I think I am my gay type.

[Tom Segura]

You're your gay type?

[Christina P]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

A woman like you.

[Christina P]

Yeah, because I'm so gay for Charlize. They're on tear on. Not that I'm as attractive as her, but she's a blonde. And what color eyes? I. I think I just. I. Maybe I'm narcissistic.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, buddy, I've never noticed she had eyes.

[Christina P]

Maybe I'm. I'm attracted to my ideal physical type.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah?

[Christina P]

Does that make sense? Like in my. In my dream world, I would look like. I want to look like her, but

[Tom Segura]

now that you say it, I'm definitely not gay. Attracted to my type.

[Christina P]

Okay, I.

[Tom Segura]

Definitely not. Because I wouldn't want a hairy guy. I'd be like, oh, my God. I'd want the most feminine version of a man. If I had to be with a man, I'd be like, please don't be masculine.

[Christina P]

Like a Timothy Chalamet. He's very famous.

[Tom Segura]

Someone I could. Rag doll. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just put him in a headlock like, I'm fucking you little shit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's exciting. Thanks.

[Christina P]

You would need like a small, hairless European, not American. Why? Yeah, little Italian guy, Man. We really. Yeah, yeah. Well, he does make a good point, this guy.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you, sir. You. You led to a really interesting conversation. Jesus Christ.

[Christina P]

Real thought provoking. Thank you.

[Tom Segura]

Welcome to the end, everybody. It's a storytelling show. Me and my comedian friends, we're all telling true and really terrible stories into a toddler's face.

[Christina P]

Wild face.

[Tom Segura]

Sometime regretful. Every std.

[Christina P]

Horrible.

[Tom Segura]

I'm going to you up an amazing story. We just got started.

[Christina P]

I'm going to stop the terrorists.

[Tom Segura]

You're in trouble. Best comedy, huh? It's going to be a good night. It's going to kill us all. Come about to be. You should be in jail.

[Christina P]

Hey, man, are you okay?

[Tom Segura]

Actually do. Well, you don't fucking talk to me, okay? I'm a disciple of the Lord. Not in this part. How did I get here? How did this happen?

[Christina P]

That's a good question.

[Tom Segura]

You guys ready to start the show? Spring Black Friday is on at the Home Depot. Save on grills and patio sets that will be sure to bring your hosting game up a notch. Fire up your feast with help from the Home Depot. And save on Grills like the next grill 4 burner propane gas grill was $249. Now in special buy for 199 or give everyone the best seat in the yard with the Hampton bay Mayfield park

[Christina P]

four piece conversation set for only $399.

[Tom Segura]

Save on grills and patio sets with

[Christina P]

low prices guaranteed during spring Black Friday

[Tom Segura]

only at the Home Depot now through April 22nd while supplies last exclusion supplies.

[Christina P]

See homedepot.com Pricematch for details. K Pop Demon Hunters, Haja Boy's breakfast meal and Hunt Trick's meal have just dropped at McDonald's. They're calling this a battle for the fans. What do you say to that, Rumi? It's not a battle. So glad the Saja boys could take breakfast and give our meal the rest of the day.

[Tom Segura]

It is an honor to share.

[Christina P]

No, it's our honor.

[Tom Segura]

It is our larger honor.

[Christina P]

No, really, stop. You can really feel the respect in this battle. Pick a meal to pick a side

[Tom Segura]

and participate in McDonald's while supplies last. So this has been in the news and I know you know, it's not. It's certainly not breaking news for us, but it's so fascinating. This Kristi Gnome's husband story.

[Christina P]

Oh boy.

[Tom Segura]

I'm just like, oh boy. I'm just. I've only seen the peripherally what's happening. Yeah, I don't really know the story.

[Christina P]

Me too.

[Tom Segura]

What is the actual story? Can you, can you bring this up for me please? Because I know that this guy's photo was revealed. He likes putting on big tits, right?

[Christina P]

Putting on the tits.

[Tom Segura]

That's his kink.

[Christina P]

That's his thing.

[Tom Segura]

It's his thing.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

We had just briefly talked about. Why do you have to put it out there? Just jerk off at home with your tits on?

[Christina P]

Well, okay, because tomorrow the whole point of getting big fakers is to show

[Tom Segura]

off your have them acknowledged.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Like that's why you get them.

[Tom Segura]

You get big fakers for people to say nice tits, nice tits. So look at this guy too, by the way. Very like gruff looking guy too.

[Christina P]

I know, I would never take him.

[Tom Segura]

Like it's always like. So let's say model was paid $25aminute to talk dirty with the cross dressing husband bucks a minute. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Damn, that's good.

[Tom Segura]

He liked to perform for her during the video sessions. And why did this bitch sell him out? See, like he paid her, right? Did he stiff you on the payment? I definitely remember his face, but there's no way I could ever forget the fake boobs. This Woman who uses this name said. Earlier the week, the Daily Mail published photos of him, Christie's husband of 34 years, seemingly wearing a large pair of fake breasts under a tight top and a pair of hot pants. So he liked. It's part of the bimbofication scene, a role playing kink centered around exaggerated hypersexual femininity. So this is the woman he would talk to. They sent shockwaves around Washington. President Trump addressed it. I don't know anything about it. That's too bad. I don't know anything about it. Security experts suggest the existence of photographs could have been made. Could have made his wife subject to potential blackmail threats. Okay. It's astounding that somebody whose spouse is at the level has that kind of bad. So maybe it's just that he kept those photos around and then they leaked, you know, somehow. Leaked? They were stolen or something.

[Christina P]

I heard that they were. Yeah, they were leaked on a Reddit. But first of all, if this hoe. She just ruined her own business.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Christina P]

Why would you do this?

[Tom Segura]

But maybe she's saying it after. Like, she had nothing to do with the leak. That's the part that I don't really know about. She claimed that he paid her her Webcam services between 10 and 15 times over a two year period. So he's fucking. Why are you talking about him? I don't know. I wondered what happened to him. Oh, but clients come and go. So she hasn't dealt with him in a while. She said she never judged her client's preferences, but saw hypocrisy and. Oh, and a conservative Christian father.

[Christina P]

Oh, he's one of those.

[Tom Segura]

He was married to a Trump official. So maybe she's like, oh, this guy. I don't know that guy, but there it is.

[Christina P]

I will say hot dude.

[Tom Segura]

Those are some big old.

[Christina P]

His nips are up too. Nobody's nipples are that.

[Tom Segura]

But that's just the thing he throws on when he wants to get off.

[Christina P]

Yeah, it's. Of course a dude does it wrong like that. Nobody's nips are right.

[Tom Segura]

But I mean, what do you expect them to have? They're not implants. He just puts this on. He goes, look at my big tits.

[Christina P]

That's so dumb. I know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Yeah. See, I do agree. If he's like a conservative telling people

[Tom Segura]

how to live their lives, it's always that. That's why it's always these pastors that they're like, I have a Grindr account. You know, I'm getting sucked off in the back of the chapel.

[Christina P]

Just go for it.

[Tom Segura]

They have to go like, gay is evil.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

The Lord has. Yeah, yeah. It's just like, it's.

[Christina P]

They have to repress the. The thing.

[Tom Segura]

They repress it so much.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Then you gotta.

[Christina P]

Wow, this is such a neat one, though.

[Tom Segura]

But, you know, you make a good point. You make a good point. It's. You want people to say, those are some great big tits you got.

[Christina P]

So. So it's. If it's hyper. Hyper feminization.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And that's what those chicks want.

[Tom Segura]

And then they're like, your tits are

[Christina P]

so big that that's what they want. Oh, my God. I know.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

They're so heavy. My back hurts. Like, all I see is back pain. When I see that guy, I'm like,

[Tom Segura]

oh, my nipples are so sensitive today.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He's like, I hate it. He's, like, learned all the things to say. Sometimes they still leak, but from my breastfed. Yeah. Yeah.

[Christina P]

God, I hated having big tits. This is the absolute worst fetish for me. I'm so glad I don't have tits like that.

[Tom Segura]

He just wanted those big tits acknowledged, you know?

[Christina P]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

I think you're right.

[Christina P]

He just wanted to show them off because look at his. His mouth, too. He's like, look at me. He's a bad girl.

[Tom Segura]

The pursed lips, huh?

[Christina P]

Can we see, like, what he was actually putting out there in the world? I want to see his frame of mind. What. Who does he think he is when he's wearing those big tits? That's what's interesting. Yeah. See, he's doing, like, duck face.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he's doing duck face.

[Christina P]

So he's like, I'm just a bad little girl with my big tits and

[Tom Segura]

he likes hot pink pants on. Can you. Is that. Is there a carousel there? Is there, like, other photos or.

[Christina P]

No, but why doesn't he wear a wig and lipstick, too? It's just the tits. It. That's like. You like a beard and tits. It's so weird.

[Tom Segura]

I'm such an ugly woman. There's, like. There's no amount of shit you can

[Christina P]

do to me if you wanted to.

[Tom Segura]

I've done it.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I've. I've. You'll see me as a woman and it ain't good. Oh.

[Christina P]

Oh, okay. So he did accessor. Like, he wore the hot pants.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah. So this is the article that leaked it from the Daily Mail. Oh, this is. Is there lipstick on? There's lipstick on there, yeah.

[Christina P]

Oh, yeah, it's pink.

[Tom Segura]

So he did do lipstick.

[Christina P]

Okay, Good girl. Well, at least he tried. But he should have put a wig on. I would have gone with longer hair. See? See? But look at his face go down. Yeah, he's doing serious me vibes. He's like, don't I look good like this? Yeah, you know, you want this. But who wants this, guys or girls?

[Tom Segura]

Well, that's the thing is like, he. He's. If it's exaggerated, it says hyper femininity and is exaggerated. I don't. I wonder if. If his thing is he wants other women to go because he hired a female, right? To be like, you're so hot, just like me. Like, maybe the sex person is like, were both hot. Because otherwise wouldn't he want a guy to be like, you're so fucking.

[Christina P]

I want to fuck you.

[Tom Segura]

You're hot.

[Christina P]

So he doesn't necessarily. So wait, so wait a minute. He's a straight guy who wants to be a lesbian?

[Tom Segura]

Maybe that's what it seems like he's asking a female.

[Christina P]

And maybe the female he's asking because the woman that he was tricking with was a brunette, like his wife. So that's his type.

[Tom Segura]

Maybe that's what he wanted, you know?

[Christina P]

Interesting. God, that's such an easy. And can I also say that, as in terms of fetishes, that's like the easiest one to accommodate for a husband. If he's like, I. I like to put on tits and hot pants. Great. Let's lock the door and put on

[Tom Segura]

your tits, and I'll tell you how hot your tits are.

[Christina P]

Who care?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

This is such a nothing burger in sexuality.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

There's no cleanup. It's just the simplest, easiest thing.

[Tom Segura]

Well, it doesn't say if. Then he just, like, stroked it and he's like, oh, no, my cum got all over my tits. You know, there's. There's no.

[Christina P]

I'm sure.

[Tom Segura]

But also, that's easy to. Yeah, it's fine.

[Christina P]

But what I'm saying by no cleanup is that he's not asking to. On your face.

[Tom Segura]

He stuffed two balloons. No, that's what it says. Positioning the knots to mimic nipples. That's why they don't look like. Scroll down, see if that is right. Like, look at them.

[Christina P]

So, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, those are balloon nuts.

[Christina P]

What an idiot.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you dope. We didn't want to have a big set of tits laying around. Well, then, no, I like what he did was in the morning, he would go out, come home, be like, hey, kids, I got you some balloons. And then when the kids would go down, he'd get those balloons. Yeah.

[Christina P]

And then put it online, which is much more secretive.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I don't think that. I don't know that he. I think this is a.

[Christina P]

A hooker.

[Tom Segura]

Some. Some type of leak. Yeah, some type of leak somehow took

[Christina P]

a screenshot of him and on there. Dude. Yeah, well, you can't trust fools on the Internet, bro. What are you doing?

[Tom Segura]

Bimbofication scene. Yeah, it's really wild. All right, cool.

[Christina P]

Oh, hold on. They transform themselves into real life Barbie dolls by pumping colossal amounts of saline into their breasts.

[Tom Segura]

That's the ones who read the real girls.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Which I totally understand the Barbie thing because we grew up playing with those dolls. And you want to look like.

[Tom Segura]

I mean. And also we are in society. When you're walking around.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You're seeing. Sometimes you're just like, whatever. You're at the mall or the grocery store and you'll see a woman walk by and you're like. And it's like colossal tits. And you're like, oh, she's. She's really doing it. She's like, don't I look good? And you're like, oh, really cool look you got going on. You don't look even human.

[Christina P]

No, it's. What is this? He sent his secret roster of online acquaintances at least 25 grand via Cash App and PayPal. Idiot.

[Tom Segura]

When the payments were delayed or failed to materialize, the chest would quickly turn sour.

[Christina P]

Oh, there you go.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Christina P]

And he's not. He's not a bad looking dude.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina P]

He could have been an attractive woman if he tried. If he really tried. Yeah, just try. Guys are so lazy. Oh, just put the balloons under a nude shirt. Looks terrible. Yeah, there you go.

[Tom Segura]

Really crazy.

[Christina P]

It's always bad fashion too. It's like, guys never know how to be good at looking like chicks. Like, there needs to be a consultation. Like a place where dudes can go and like, a woman can help you look like a better woman. I would do this.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Like, you look terrible, sir.

[Tom Segura]

That is a really good service.

[Christina P]

Idiot.

[Tom Segura]

For like the man that goes, I want to look more like a woman. To have women help. Help consult with them and be like, yeah.

[Christina P]

Because these guys don't know how to do it. Every time I see these clowns on Instagram, they look terrible.

[Tom Segura]

Terrible.

[Christina P]

I will help you, gasers.

[Tom Segura]

It's not good.

[Christina P]

That's okay.

[Tom Segura]

All right. Speaking of. I don't have time for that kinky, sexy things.

[Christina P]

I'm not helping anybody do anything anymore. Tom, you deserve spanking. She looks great, by the way.

[Tom Segura]

She does look Great.

[Christina P]

She's your mom's age.

[Tom Segura]

Awesome. We played some of her. Her previous videos aren't in here, but we played this woman before and doing sexy things. I believe she has an only fans.

[Christina P]

Yes. She's supporting herself.

[Tom Segura]

We played those and we talked about them and then this came out.

[Christina P]

But how do you feel being a sex symbol now?

[Tom Segura]

I don't think. That's not what's happening. She just told me that I, I

[Christina P]

deserved a spanking, which makes you a sex symbol. Like people are making sexy videos for you now. Doesn't that feel nice?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it does feel nice.

[Christina P]

But as far as like the 80 year old market goes, I would say she's top shelf. Like she's really good looking.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And honestly, I hope you support this lady. I really do hope you support her.

[Christina P]

We support her. Well, let's give her a shout out. What's her onlyfans name?

[Tom Segura]

Do you know? This is Linda Hope. 1939, the year of her birthday. Jesus Christ.

[Christina P]

She's wearing a nine inch nail shirt.

[Tom Segura]

Jesus.

[Christina P]

The link is on my Instagram. Hi, I'm Linda.

[Tom Segura]

Hope.

[Christina P]

The link is on. Who wore it best? Me. Yes. That sad lady. Linda. Linda, you love this. I love her, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So now she's just tagging us and everything too.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, nice. All right, well, please support Linda. Yeah, that's really cool. I really hope you continue to create content as the folks say. And you guys don't have to watch it, but maybe somebody out there will. I will. Oh, there you go.

[Christina P]

Oh, yeah. And he's smashing it.

[Tom Segura]

We'll have a watch party for it.

[Christina P]

I'm sorry. You will?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Nice. Dudes. You already know what time it is. Time to level up. And Bluechew just dropped something crazy. Bluechew gold is the newest innovation from the number one chewable Ed brand. This isn't your grandpa's little blue pill. This is the four in one performance pill that's setting the gold standard. We're talking two ingredients for blood flow to keep that thing pumping. Mixed with apomorphine and oxytocin to turn up the arousal and connection in your brain and body. Bluechew gold dissolves under your tongue and works in as little as 15 minutes. That means you can get it on quicker and stay in the game longer. Forget Netflix and chill. It's time to Netflix and fill her up with guess what? Up to you. I love it. I have taken it this morning and I'm feeling ready right now. Make life easier by getting harder. Discover your [e-mail], we've got a special deal for our listeners. Get 10% off your first month of BlueChew Gold with code YMH. That's promo code YMH. Visit bluechew.com for more details and important safety information. And we thank BlueChew for sponsoring the podcast. I think we can all agree that online shopping has gotten dangerously easy, especially when you go to check out and see that purple shop pay button. No more digging for my wallet or password reset bullshit. It's online shopping, but streamlined. You can say thanks to Shopify for that. Ching. Shopify is the platform behind millions of businesses around the world and 10% of all e commerce in the US from household names and brands like ours here at YMH. Not only is our merch store powered by Shopify, Christina turned to them when launching her cosmetics. And it's been a dream. Shopify possesses world class expertise in everything from managing inventory, international shipping, to processing returns and 247 customer support. Shopify will help you get your brand out there as if there was an entire marketing team behind you. With easy to run email and media campaigns. See less carts abandoned and more sales. Go Cha Ching with Shopify and their shop pay button. Sign up for your $1 per month trial at [e-mail] ymh. Go to shopify.com/ymh. That's shopify.com ymha chain. Oh, I also. I should have told you that I did this, but I just did this. I hope you're okay with this. I'm going to send you. I'm going to play this for you right now. Just make sure you're okay with it.

[Christina P]

Oh dear. Fancy chef.

[Tom Segura]

Look what Tom Seora gave me for being the mission star chef. Look what he gave me for being the Michelin star. Sh. Beautiful and nice. Look what he gave me for being the Michelin star chef and winning Segura, Tom Segura.

[Christina P]

Zoom Zoom.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, So I probably should have, you know, run it by you, but I was like, man, you're such a good chef. And then I, I bought him this Lamborghini I had.

[Christina P]

You bought him a Lamborghini?

[Tom Segura]

Well, he did a great job cooking.

[Christina P]

How much did that cost?

[Tom Segura]

I don't think that was much. It was maybe like 300 grand or something.

[Christina P]

Oh, my God, Tom.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Great.

[Tom Segura]

So just so you know, I was like, man, whenever anyone cooks me, like an awesome meal, a lot of times I'll buy him a car.

[Christina P]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

You know.

[Christina P]

Yeah, I know, I know.

[Tom Segura]

I'm like, man, that was really good, you know? So I'll be like, do you want a car? And I'll just, like, ship him a car.

[Christina P]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

So, yeah, just so you know, I got. I got him that Lamborghini.

[Christina P]

Perfect.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And I. I was not expecting him to put it out there, but I guess, you know, he was overwhelmed by the gesture, and he was like, thank you for sending this.

[Christina P]

Cool.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So, you know, anyway, if you want to cook, you know, for me, you know how it goes, if it's good, it'll probably be like a car or something. As a thank you. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Very generous.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I mean, well, I just. I was like, man, this. I've never had anything like this. Remember, he did the job.

[Christina P]

It was kind of worth it. I'm sorry. You're right. Like, I was first upset.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And then I was like, how much would you pay for that meal? 300,000 easily.

[Tom Segura]

Right? Yeah.

[Christina P]

No, you're right. I'm so stupid.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

First I don't see it, and then

[Tom Segura]

I see it in a way, too, if you really think about it.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He's only crediting me with this gift. Maybe you should send him something, too, and be like, oh, that was from Tom. This is from me.

[Christina P]

It's a great idea. What can I send him to top a Lamborghini?

[Tom Segura]

There's so many things he needs.

[Christina P]

A yacht.

[Tom Segura]

They are jewelry. He loves jewelry. He wears mink coats. You know, you could be like, that was Tom's. Thanks. This is my thanks.

[Christina P]

Okay. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

He's always walking out of designer stores. He'll be like, are you rolling? And he'll walk out. And then, you know, so maybe, like, you get them, like a shopping spree or something.

[Christina P]

It's a great idea. Hermes. Hermes.

[Tom Segura]

Hermes. Louis Vedon, all those places.

[Christina P]

People love that stuff. All right.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I think it's reasonable. The meal was unbelievable. Like, you're not going to say thank you. Obviously, I said a huge thanks. Yeah, yeah.

[Christina P]

No, it's cool. It's good.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P]

He needs a Lamborghini.

[Tom Segura]

What's fair is fair. All right. You and I both, actually, speaking of it. We love food. We love good restaurants, good experiences. I saw this review that I thought would be fun to. For us to review.

[Christina P]

So today I went to the most expensive restaurant in my city. And the vibe of this restaurant is so amazing. Like, there were flowers and everything decorative. I love the vibe here. And then I ordered this. I don't know. Pasta. It's a pasta. And I ordered this. Garlic noodles. It's A noodles. And I ordered this pizza, too. It's a very delicious pizza. And I ate all these things. And these old things are so good. I loved it. I licked it. I love it. I love this. These are the best reviews. Yeah, this is all I understand.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

This is all I understand in the world.

[Tom Segura]

And you have, you know, the connection to your Indian.

[Christina P]

My Indian step family.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christina P]

Yes, yes.

[Tom Segura]

So then he does a. I think.

[Christina P]

And this video is sponsored by Rochester Wood Studio from Michigan, United States. They paid for this food. I loved it, man. Follow me for more content. This kid's brilliant.

[Tom Segura]

I love it.

[Christina P]

People sponsoring him to eat in nice restaurants. Good on you, son.

[Tom Segura]

This is Sumit Yadav, AKA I don't even know how to say the something summit, but he does these reviews.

[Christina P]

Do you know where in India he is?

[Tom Segura]

Where is he?

[Christina P]

Guys, send this guy some cash. Let him. Let the boy eat.

[Tom Segura]

I love these guys, but their descriptions in my folder, this is where some expensive restaurant. And it says he was sponsored by a business in Michigan. And it says Aftermath. He digested the fucking meal. Yeah. Well done, boys. Well done. Hey, this guy rules. Yes.

[Christina P]

I could watch him do this, by the way, all day.

[Tom Segura]

That's what I was like, this is really nice. It's really cool.

[Christina P]

Is some fucking noodles. And you're like, yes, dude. That's how people talk. Fucking shit. And it was good.

[Tom Segura]

I'd like to ask you, do you want to see something you will like or won't like?

[Christina P]

Start me off with something sour and

[Tom Segura]

then give me something that you like. Yeah. This is just weird. And I just saw it today. I did not. I didn't send this. I didn't plan this. But this is just strange. And I think you'll be like, oh, my God.

[Christina P]

Why is that?

[Tom Segura]

I just told you it was going to be.

[Christina P]

Why do you do it?

[Tom Segura]

I didn't.

[Christina P]

I don't like it.

[Tom Segura]

He's just. He. It's just water.

[Christina P]

Yeah, but it's not. I don't like it.

[Tom Segura]

I don't like it. Okay, all right. Jesus.

[Christina P]

Stop it.

[Tom Segura]

I told you it was gonna be sour. Okay, okay, all right.

[Christina P]

What is wrong with you? Why is he puking up so much water?

[Tom Segura]

That's what he does to ask. I didn't fucking.

[Christina P]

Why is he doing that? It's his trick. I don't like it.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, I took it off. It's done. This is the one that I think you'll like. Okay.

[Christina P]

You're the worst.

[Tom Segura]

Here's what I think you'll, like, hate you so Much. Here's what I think you'll like. Okay. If you have $37,000 and dream to own large house with pool and bodyard, this house can be yours. Just hit me, call and I'll make it happen.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you.

[Christina P]

This is every Hungarian guy I grew up with. This is San Fernando Valley, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Friends, this beautiful dream home. Approximately one thousand dollar mortgage every month close to the funeral. Amazing location right here on public transportation and the grocery. Now one of the things that I love about these is it highlights just how low the bar is to get into real estate. Like you have. You don't even have to be able to speak the language. Yeah, you don't have. And you can be like, you know what's great about this? There's a funeral home across the street. Like these guys. There's no, there's no bar for real estate.

[Christina P]

I know. That's why my mother told me because she's like, it's for foreigners. Okay. Yeah, immigrants. Cuz my Indian stepdad was doing real estate. She was doing real estate. It is something you can have like a prison record and sell real estate. You can be scum of the earth and sell fucking.

[Tom Segura]

Not in the folder, but I just saw one where a guy, his entire face is completely tatted and he's doing a tour. He's like, check out this house right here. He's doing a full tour. He's like, hit me up, Sotheby's. Whatever. You're like, yeah, dude, it's for anyone.

[Christina P]

It's. Well, it's. Well, I don't know if it's for any. And it's for people who are very hyperactive too, because.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, a lot of energy. You need energy.

[Christina P]

You need a lot.

[Tom Segura]

Because the Russian didn't have a lot, by the way.

[Christina P]

No, he's like, come on, you're 24 7, working in real estate. It's very. It's a very demanding.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, this is not who I was talking about, but this is another example. Yeah, this guy's wearing a prison jumpsuit. We're gonna start this tour off with the method right here. You and your partners can come over here, eat, you can play. But this guy, this is not what I'm talking about because he's doing it. It's a joke, kind of, that's kind of comedically. I was talking about a guy who I just saw who did a genuine like real tour and is, I mean, all tatted up. Right? And he works for like a real real estate place. Yeah, yeah, I'll find it. I'll find it. I'll send it to you.

[Christina P]

But don't. I kind of like that now that society is so open, like, fucking great. Let that guy have a shot at life.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Before, you couldn't. You couldn't do anything if you were.

[Tom Segura]

It's great that there's one final option for you. If everything has gone wrong for you professionally, there's always real estate. That's the real thing.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You could be like, I have been arrested. Shit's falling apart. I tested positive for coke and fentanyl. I have a record of all bankruptcy fraud. And they'll be like, you want to come sell some houses? Yes. You can still do that. You can still sell houses.

[Christina P]

You can't even bartend if you're fucked up.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina P]

Like, no real estate, bro.

[Tom Segura]

Well, look, let's stop around with jokes and talk about something serious. Oh, right.

[Christina P]

Everybody, I want you to take a

[Tom Segura]

look at these videos.

[Christina P]

Oh, no. Oh. Oh, dude, no. Oh, dude, no, no, not the kid. No, no, no, no, no, dude. If you got wheels, don't go near the escalator.

[Tom Segura]

Look at what this. Look what this psycho does.

[Christina P]

You got a walker?

[Tom Segura]

No, they. They jump on the handrail. Is this your first time on an O. Oh.

[Christina P]

Oh, dummy. Take the elevator, you stupid shit.

[Tom Segura]

Larry, what's the point of all this now?

[Christina P]

Getting on and off an escalator. Please do not bring strollers. Do not bring shopping carts.

[Tom Segura]

Do not bring wheelchairs.

[Christina P]

Do not bring walkers.

[Tom Segura]

As we could see from these videos, things ended badly for these people.

[Christina P]

These are pieces of machinery that just will not stop. So be extra cautious when stepping onto an escalator.

[Tom Segura]

Be well, be safe.

[Christina P]

Thank you, Larry. Finally, somebody said it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. The whole time I've been like, I never think when I get on an escalator.

[Christina P]

Never.

[Tom Segura]

Sometimes I have, like, a cart or,

[Christina P]

like, you know, oh, I've done luggage, shopping carts, stroll. I've done everything nobody's told me not to.

[Tom Segura]

I've started scanning rooms and parking lots like crazy.

[Christina P]

Yes, me too.

[Tom Segura]

Right? I always look for exits. And I also go. What could be an improvised weapon in any moment? Like, I always think of that. I've been using knives more, you know, mace. I've been trying to go to the range to kind of get a little sharper with my. My shot. But, man, escalators, you're like, I never think about that.

[Christina P]

Never thought about that.

[Tom Segura]

That's the fucking value of Larry, honestly, is like, he brings up stuff that you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, I just get on the escalators willy nilly all the time.

[Christina P]

Willy nilly. Not even thinking. You know what I always think about is his garage tip. That string that hangs down, that haunts me nightly.

[Tom Segura]

And I don't know if he's done a video about automatic doors, but I've been thinking about those more.

[Christina P]

Really?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, those can cut you in half, right?

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, if you don't think about when it's going to close.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You got to time those out.

[Christina P]

Yep. The sensor doesn't work, and it chops you in half.

[Tom Segura]

Or you walk right into the glass, shatter the glass face goes through the glass.

[Christina P]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

Whole life is different.

[Christina P]

Well, not even just escalators, but, like, stairs in general. Remember when I fell downstairs and I broke my ankle?

[Tom Segura]

Like, I do remember.

[Christina P]

Yeah, I remember that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I. I do remember. Yeah.

[Christina P]

And, like, just regular stairs are scary, too.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Everything's scary.

[Tom Segura]

And Larry's here to remind us.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Thank you, Larry. Everything's scary.

[Tom Segura]

That's a good name for everything.

[Christina P]

Scary Larry.

[Tom Segura]

Everything is scary Larry. Written by Larry.

[Christina P]

Be scared. You forgot to be afraid.

[Tom Segura]

Today, Larry is here to remind us that everything is scary. And then sometimes we have to remind it of other things. Hold the testicle, and you put one hand on the navel. And we're going to spiral. Spiral. So this, when you hand hold its way. And the hand have chi. So it change the sperm, the sexual energy. Yep, the sexual energy come up. And when you massage this.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

36 times. And it change the jing back into qi.

[Christina P]

Changes the ching back into chong.

[Tom Segura]

Can you imagine if Montauk and Larry got together for a session and this guy's like, how testicle. And Larry's like, I am looking over your shoulders. I'm wondering if there's an intruder or

[Christina P]

Montauk and Will Blunderfeld. The two of them love their genitals. They love their fluids.

[Tom Segura]

I think Will would take a natural student approach because Montauk is a legend. He's the. This guy's the legend. Yeah. I mean, this guy does these, like, worldwide tours that people go to to hear him talk about their testicles. But egg. Put the egg in your vagina.

[Christina P]

He's converted me more because I follow him on Instagram.

[Tom Segura]

Mantak. Yeah.

[Christina P]

And now it kind of makes more sense to me.

[Tom Segura]

Like, he's brilliant.

[Christina P]

All this stuff. The energy does circulate in your body.

[Tom Segura]

It's just that he's talking about a topic that most people just don't talk about. So then you hear him talk about it, and it, like, Makes you laugh with your, you know, juvenile mind. And then the accents also, let's be honest, it's funny, okay? Because you bring the jingchi up, up, the sexual energy. Up, up. And you have the dantian, and you have this dantian can chong form, chi, the jing qi, the sexual energy. So you spiral 36. Not 1, 2, 3, 4, okay, 5,

[Christina P]

6, I know where he's going. 7, 8.

[Tom Segura]

You know where he's going? Yeah. He's going to other numbers.

[Christina P]

He's going to do the whole 36 times.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And he's gripping his balls.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And as you have to sit at a. Like, at one of these conferences that everyone's like, I'm so excited. You gotta watch this man. This, like, somewhat elderly man. Just hold on to his nuts as he talks to you and be like, yes, master. Thank you.

[Christina P]

But he's so real with it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

He is not.

[Tom Segura]

It's not. It's not.

[Christina P]

It's not salacious.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina P]

I think that's why he sells this for me now.

[Tom Segura]

And then you have to go, like. I feel like you could be someone who, like, literally goes up to him and go, like, I started taking your courses. And, like, I stroke my sword 150 times a day. He's just like, good, good. And I'm like, so much control, so much excitement now. I feel the energy. And he's like, yeah. And you don't feel like you had a perverted conversation.

[Christina P]

That's right.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

But what is he like sexually, then,

[Tom Segura]

the greatest lover of all? That's the thing is.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You think the greatest lover of all time looks like Fabio? Like, right? Like the flowing hair and the physique. This guy is actually who I believe makes love better than anybody on planet Earth. Yes.

[Christina P]

Because he understands the energy, the chi, the sexual organ.

[Tom Segura]

It would be so awesome if at the end of his seminar, he just, like, turned and, like, women came out and gave to, like, testimonies. They were like, this guy made me weep and come, and my whole life changed. And then they leave, and the next morning, and you remember what I did to you? She's like, yeah.

[Christina P]

50 times.

[Tom Segura]

My enzymes take hold. My brain and my body were so connected. He like, you leave now. Next person. And then the next woman comes. She's like, I'm still blown away by what you did to me. He's like, I know. I am back.

[Christina P]

We gotta see, does he have a wife? Like, who is the wife?

[Tom Segura]

He's always alone. He always does this.

[Christina P]

Maybe he's a player. Like, maybe this is how he gets

[Tom Segura]

chicks could be that. You know, we always talk about. Every guy's got an angle.

[Christina P]

Every guy's.

[Tom Segura]

Everything's an angle. There's no such thing as no angle for dudes.

[Christina P]

Of course.

[Tom Segura]

Every dude's got an angle. All right, I have to make a peachy break.

[Christina P]

Sure, sure.

[Tom Segura]

And then we will very, very exciting stuff.

[Christina P]

Push hard.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P]

You going to swallow that when you're done?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God. She asked me, like, yesterday. She goes, so when you're done with those, do you just swallow them? I'm like a nicotine pouch. She's like, yeah. I'm like, no, I spit it out. She's like, oh, I thought you just swallowed, like, just.

[Christina P]

Well, here's why. Hear me out.

[Tom Segura]

Hear me out. Hear me out, buddy.

[Christina P]

Okay. You suck the nicotine out of it. So anything that is, let's say, toxic to your body has already been put into your body. You know what I'm saying? It's fiber at this point.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I don't think it works quite like that.

[Christina P]

Can you swallow. Can you swallow nicotine patches? Go ahead. I'm just going to say no. It's going to discourage you, but one can. Or it'll block up your intestinal tract and you'll die.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So it says, if swallowed, the nicotine still gets in your system, but less predictably, you could end up with too much nicotine, leading to nausea, vomiting, dizziness, sweating, rapid heart rates. In higher amounts, this could turn into nicotine poisoning, which is more serious. Okay.

[Christina P]

It doesn't say you're gonna die. Yeah, you can suck. You can swallow it. Can you it out?

[Tom Segura]

You can definitely. Yeah. Yeah.

[Christina P]

And probably. Yeah, it's probably good for you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You give it a shot. All right. Do you want to see some horrible, hilarious stuff? Yes. Okay. Here we go. Here you go.

[Christina P]

Are you okay, dummy? Seth, are you okay? Oh, my God. Are you okay?

[Tom Segura]

That's what you want to hear? Here's the other thing I don't understand. When this was being like, the setup, you go like, oh, that's where this is going. But then the person asking seems like they're genuinely being like. Like, did you not think that was gonna happen? What did you think was gonna happen? The bike was gonna go over the building. I don't understand. That was.

[Christina P]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. It's, like, right there.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, this is. This one is. Is leading more hilarious because of how stupid it is. Very.

[Christina P]

Here's why I get a little nervous, because they're just young, young boys.

[Tom Segura]

I know. You Think about our boys.

[Christina P]

Your dumb kid could do that. Yeah. Some 15 year old you're not.

[Tom Segura]

Well, we always did all dumb.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

This could happen to me.

[Tom Segura]

And then afterwards, like once somebody's like severely hurt, we're like, yeah, we shouldn't have done that.

[Christina P]

Yeah, their brains aren't formed yet.

[Tom Segura]

Totally, totally.

[Christina P]

Oh God.

[Tom Segura]

Oh my God.

[Christina P]

I don't like that at all. I did not enjoy it.

[Tom Segura]

Kind of reminded me of something that happened to me one time.

[Christina P]

I was gonna say,

[Tom Segura]

I was gonna say like I was really hating it too.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like the whole like.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Jump into the water at the, you know, I mean like.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

People are just trying to enjoy themselves. Whatever.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

At this place, have lunch and then someone's like, I'm, look at me, I'm flailing on the fountain. You're like, get the out of here, dude. But then I feel, I felt bad for him.

[Christina P]

This, this is why you can't run on wet floors. This is why you tell your kids, don't run on the wet floor. Don't run on the wet floor.

[Tom Segura]

You'll break your arm.

[Christina P]

Break your arm. Yeah. This is bad. Yep, this is very bad. Now were he a lighter person, not color, weight wise, do you think that he would break his arm?

[Tom Segura]

I think we should talk about both. His, his weight definitely played a role in this break. His blackness I think affected it a little bit too. Interesting, because I think.

[Christina P]

Why do you think his blackness.

[Tom Segura]

I think we were all expecting him to, to react quicker, you know?

[Christina P]

Right. Cuz they're usually so quick on their feet.

[Tom Segura]

It's just like, hey, dude, you know what this is like, you know, let's, let's see. More control. Yeah, yeah. So. But I think it's the weight that broke.

[Christina P]

The weight.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Not the blackness.

[Christina P]

No. Cuz I definitely know when I broke my ankle, my doctor intimated that it was my weight falling on it. Yeah. Like it was kind of like, well,

[Tom Segura]

how can weight not be a. When something breaks, a bone breaks. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Like I landed on.

[Tom Segura]

We. Yeah. How did they, Was it like discreet? Were they all kind of polite about it?

[Christina P]

Well, the weight, you know, the weight of you on it. And I was like, what are you trying to say? Like, you know, you weren't like a two year old big.

[Tom Segura]

A big woman broad.

[Christina P]

No, but I, you know, I, I was still losing baby weight kind of.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

I mean I weighed 10 pounds more than I do now, which is a lot for me.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Okay. You could, you could argue that like that break would happen at the weight you're at now at £10 less. Yeah. I mean like you fell. Yes. The angle and like the distance also, you know, it's. It's physics, right?

[Christina P]

Yeah, physics.

[Tom Segura]

For me, it definitely played a factor in. In my break, but I think I could have broken it again. I think 10. 10 pounds less. 20 pounds less. I still could have broken that arm.

[Christina P]

The angles were on.

[Tom Segura]

Everything we up. Can you imagine if you were black? If I were black. Here's the thing. I. I think my body wouldn't have allowed it to break. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. I think especially it was basketball. Yeah, basketball. You have so much power as a black person in basketball. You know what I mean? Like, it's really home. It feels like a white person in the ocean. It's like, I'm not going to drown, right. Like, this is my domain. And where did his. And what happened when his arm broke in water. This is why we don't do this. That's why we don't play games. The circle of life, dude. Good point.

[Christina P]

He's right, dude.

[Tom Segura]

This guy up by getting in the water because he.

[Christina P]

It in the water, dude. You're right.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

That's why they don't go in the water.

[Tom Segura]

He never ran around a swimming pool when he was a kid.

[Christina P]

That's what's up.

[Tom Segura]

I didn't know how to play these games.

[Christina P]

See, there's always something to these racial things.

[Tom Segura]

I still, by the way, related to the break because you forget that I also. I break. I snap my patellar.

[Christina P]

Patellar 10. Yep.

[Tom Segura]

I still get so cautious about wet floors.

[Christina P]

Oh my God.

[Tom Segura]

You know, it's PTSD for sure.

[Christina P]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

But wet floors, if I feel it, if I see it, if I sense it, I'm just, just. I'm an elderly woman at that point. I'm like, yes. Well, you think so?

[Christina P]

You think I don't walk down the stairs every time at a glacial pace now? And holding the eyes on that. Yeah. I don't fly downstairs anymore.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Christina P]

Wait, was the floor wet when your accident?

[Tom Segura]

No, it's that afterwards I was in this. I was in a straight brace for six weeks and I couldn't use it and I couldn't bend it. And the only thing that could like really go wrong for me would be a slip and fall. And I would remember that I used to take a shower and get out and feel like, you know, sometimes you get out of the shower, you have like a. Like a mini slide. So I feel like the mini ones and I would just like the whole Body would just freak out because I was like, oh, my God, this floor sweat. What the. Like, you get so scared that you're gonna slip and fall. It has dissipated because it's been years, but you still are, like, very cautious. I'm very cautious around wet floors.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Once you have. Did you have a lot of ptsd, like, replaying the accident? I remember after I fell with my ankle, I replayed it in my head so many times.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I did replace.

[Christina P]

I can still see the accident in my head.

[Tom Segura]

So me. To me, it was more about my. My not using my better judgment of attempting that because of what had just happened. In other words, I knew this is rehashing an old thing, but I knew that I had. I had just. We had this competition, and I actually won the competition. And I. I knew I would. I had just done, like, close to my Mac, like, my Max, and then. And that the other guy was like, you could do more. And I knew internally, you know, when you're like, no, this is my limit. Yeah, I knew it was my limit. But that whole thing I think of being around and, like, try more, try more. I knew I wasn't going to do more. And then my conditioning, like, the condition of my body, like, the fact that I hadn't been training for so long is why trying to explode with that much power and being out of shape is why the tendon snapped. But, like, if I could, like, the thing about it was, like, going back, I should have been like, oh, no. Like, this is this thing. Like, what we're doing here at least is done. This is over.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's the thing that replays my head is like, the guy telling me, go for more and knowing that I don't have more and being like, okay, you know, which is a very, I think, male thing of, like, you got more. Like, it's like another rep. It's like, you know, if you were bench pressing and you're like, I have. And then someone's like, one more rep, and you're like, I. There's nothing left in me. And then you tear your. You know, your pec. Because you push through for one more, but you know you don't have one.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's what replays in my head about that. It's just that, like, I shouldn't have ignored my instinct to not try the next thing. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And. And then also, that guy was black, so I. It does. It is kind of a factor. We were on a basketball court, it was a black guy, and he was like, you can do it. And I was like, I'm not. This isn't. You know.

[Christina P]

Well, you wanted his black approval, which.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God, I was desperate for his black approval.

[Christina P]

Bigger than white approval. It's the best approval.

[Tom Segura]

A white guy being like, great job on that dunk you. A black guy being like, yo, you dunk. You slammed it off.

[Christina P]

No, there's nothing better. Or when a black person tells you that your outfit is good or that you're funny, it counts so much more.

[Tom Segura]

There's a list. I feel like there's a top five, for sure.

[Christina P]

I've never been told that I dance well from black people.

[Tom Segura]

And here's the thing. You never will. But the. The feeling is incredible about. If it's your dancing, your musical taste.

[Christina P]

No, they don't like my music.

[Tom Segura]

You're definitely not. But your style.

[Christina P]

Yeah, I got good, good styles.

[Tom Segura]

And also not just within style. Shoes. Specific to shoes.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And then athletic prowess. And then athletic prowess is actually, I think, number one for males. And then number two is humor. If black person says, you're hilarious, just the best. It's the greatest.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Or you're real. I really like. I like that when they say realism.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You're so real. Yeah. They're incredible. Incredible compliments, man. They really carry you through the day. Yeah, they really do. All right. We didn't even make it to this next one. Oh, I don't like it.

[Christina P]

I hate it.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God. Well, you're already in the chair.

[Christina P]

Yeah, that's what I. Yeah, you want to go for the upper half now

[Tom Segura]

he's like, I don't really need this neck.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Jesus Christ. Is this guy okay? Or I mean, like, more okay. Did he recover from this?

[Christina P]

We think he's fine.

[Tom Segura]

We think he. Okay. He's good. That's good to know. Jesus, man, that is wild that this guy's like, I'm paralyzed.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I'm gonna do this kind of.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That is kind of a death wish. He's just like, oh, it.

[Christina P]

Well, I hope he went out doing what he loved the first time. Do you know what I mean?

[Tom Segura]

Like, what led to the wheelchair. Yeah. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Something tells me this is what he was doing the first time around.

[Tom Segura]

And he's like, just like, on a bike or something. Skateboard.

[Christina P]

He's a skateboarder. Like, they're crazy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Look at Tony Hawk. He's 80 years old, and he's still doing.

[Tom Segura]

Hey, show this stuff.

[Christina P]

You know how much I love him, but you know what I mean, in Skateboarder years.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Yeah, that's. That's tough.

[Tom Segura]

Tough. Oh, this is gonna be gnarly.

[Christina P]

Oh, no. Look at the car.

[Tom Segura]

Wow. It's a man.

[Christina P]

Shut up. What the happened?

[Tom Segura]

First of all, can we just say. Say something about that. Like, that's a man.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I like how you get out. He was like, I just. I barely nicked you. I just. I didn't realize you were. He did that at like 35 miles an hour.

[Christina P]

You know what, though? Every time I see a backing up in a parking lot, this is my worst fear. Because, you know, you know, you. Sometimes this happens.

[Tom Segura]

I'm always happen. I. I always get. I'm the most overly cautious. I'm like, Larry.

[Christina P]

Yeah. When.

[Tom Segura]

When I have the kids with me.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Parking lot. Because I'm always like, dudes, stop looking down, look up. You don't know that any could be like. I mean, he goes, watch it again. So fast.

[Christina P]

Like, you know what it is? He probably thought he was putting his foot on the. Get on.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. The brakes.

[Christina P]

He instead.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he pushed it hard. Yeah. Right now he's releasing his brake, right? Yeah, Releasing and tap. You can see. Break, break. And then he's like. Oh, It's like the third time I've hit a guy. I know he's for sure. What happened, I think.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Is that as he's making this. This turn right here, when he is. When he is not yet there.

[Christina P]

Not there, he's going to change.

[Tom Segura]

No. He sees the guy and goes, I'm going to press the brake hard.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like, hard. Because, you know, you see somebody, you. You hit the brake hard. And instead of hitting the brake, heart hits the gas hard. And that is so. That's full speed. This is my favorite part. The way it gets out. God damn.

[Christina P]

Yeah. He knows his life is over.

[Tom Segura]

You know, now he's also like, I was going to a movie.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know, I got. I got a plan, guys. I can't go to the movie. I just killed this guy in a parking lot.

[Christina P]

Can you imagine, though? You do this to some dude, your life is ruined.

[Tom Segura]

His whole.

[Christina P]

Your life is over, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Everything's different right now. Lawsuits and everything's different. You're.

[Christina P]

Oh, God.

[Tom Segura]

Oh. Oh,

[Christina P]

this is stupid. I. I hate this. Oh, yeah, you deserve it.

[Tom Segura]

I always think of that when I see horse carriages too.

[Christina P]

Stupid.

[Tom Segura]

I always think about it. Yeah, I really do.

[Christina P]

I hate the ones in Central Park.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

I hate it. The horses don't want to be near traffic.

[Tom Segura]

And here's the thing. You see, it In a movie. And you're like, that's beautiful or romantic. But when you walk and you see it, you're like, this is not comfortable. It smells.

[Christina P]

It smells.

[Tom Segura]

The horse doesn't want to do this horrific. Like, the whole thing is not.

[Christina P]

Then it's hot in New York. And then you smell the garbage, the urine, the horseshit at the same time and cigarette smokes and weed and everything else around. It's like, God damn it, the horse doesn't want to be there.

[Tom Segura]

And here's the thing, they're never taking you somewhere you. You want to go. What they're going to do is we're going to do this and then I'm going to take you back to where we started. So you're like, what was the point? I want to go somewhere. I want the horse to drop me off at the hotel. They're like, that's not a option. You get to go for a ride.

[Christina P]

Like a Long Island. Take me to Long Island. Take me to Brooklyn in the horse carriage.

[Tom Segura]

Get out of here, man.

[Christina P]

Yeah, out of here.

[Tom Segura]

Look, it's real close to tax day. I think it's worth reminding people that this is a big deal, guys. Yeah, you gotta pay your taxes. As a reminder, here's a clip just to remind you of. If you're with me, you're not going to jail.

[Christina P]

What will happen if I don't pay my taxes?

[Tom Segura]

Well, you could get levied, but I know how to block a levy. So we're going to block it until 10 year statute ends and the IRS will then have to write off your debt. Have a good day. Not with your. I mean, the cool thing about that is it's in many ways brilliant. Well, it's in many ways the message is just don't go ahead and pay. Don't pay your taxes. I mean, that's essentially she's like, what happens if I don't? He said, I know how to stop a levy. Ten years later, it's. They'll have to write it off. There you go. Anything else? Well, here, I love. This is. I mean, I wish my accountant did stuff like this. Tax season ends. Yeah. On Wednesday, April 15th. Yes, sir. There's only one thing I want you to know right now. If you're a taxpayer, please, getting a refund. You're confident you're getting a refund. There's no issues. You do not need to file. You do not. You are not getting a late filing

[Christina P]

penalty or a late payment penalty because

[Tom Segura]

you're getting a refund. If you are owing A significant amount of money. You are going to get a 5% penalty if you don't file an individual extension on a 4868. Okay, I think we're good. This is just like, God, I blacked out. I was so bored. Just unbelievable. It's also an interesting choice as like the accountant that's shaving. Just getting ready to shave and putting out your. Your content that way. But yeah, I mean, Mike makes a good point.

[Christina P]

I like it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you have to. Sometimes people do the. There's Mike also there's the accountant. Clean shaved, then with a nice lady, it looks like at the gym, Possibly shirtless at the gym.

[Christina P]

His hair is always incredible.

[Tom Segura]

He's got amazing shape, which I like. I like in an accountant.

[Christina P]

The guy's a fucking winner.

[Tom Segura]

He does a lot of like, AMAs on Instagram.

[Christina P]

Yeah. You see, this is what's happened to this generation.

[Tom Segura]

Someone goes, have you ever took a. In a Rolex box? You would never have imagined a young person, let's say 18 or 20, ever asking a stupid, juvenile, idiotic question like this?

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, but did you now?

[Christina P]

What's the answer?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He's like, and yeah, I did okay. When I was younger. 40 years ago. Plus. This is just juvenile idiocy. Answer the question. You just a bunch of kids in adult bodies.

[Christina P]

Okay, Evil.

[Tom Segura]

You're lost, man. You guys are really lost if you're asking these kind of questions. And I don't know if there's any hope for you. What about when you take the. You hit it from behind you and you twist it so it grabs your dick. Yeah, that was a cool.

[Christina P]

That was a very mature discussion.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He's like, you guys are asking.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Something more.

[Tom Segura]

You know, you guys are. Are asking juvenile questions. Move her around from behind so that the grips your dick and that's the way it feels good.

[Christina P]

You gotta do that, man.

[Tom Segura]

That's a Brooklyn rap, bro. That is a Brooklyn rap. Ask mature questions.

[Christina P]

God, grow up.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Stop asking me silly things. When you hit it from behind, you got a grip so that the pussy grips it and you're like, cool. So about this filing. Unbelievable, man. All right, you want to go out on your talks, Please. All right. Have not seen any of these. Very excited to see what type of emotional experience the rest of us will have today.

[Christina P]

What if I told you that after 50, your body slowly starts developing? The old people smell, and most people have absolutely no idea it's happening to them. There's a scientific name for it. It's called 2 nonenol a compound your body starts producing naturally after 50. It's that musty, waxy, slightly stale smell. The one you associate with your grandparents home or an older relative when they walk into a room. It has nothing to do with hygiene. You can shower twice a day, use the most expensive soaps. It keeps coming back because it's being produced from inside your body. Washing just masks it temporarily. And the scariest part, your brain gets used to your own smell over time. You genuinely cannot detect it on yourself the way others can. Most people walking around with it have absolutely no idea. Think about the people in your life right now. So redundant. Would you tell any of them about their scent? Really?

[Tom Segura]

So there's no solution? That was the whole thing.

[Christina P]

There is a solution. She's selling you pills.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, the pills will mask it, okay?

[Christina P]

From the inside. It'll. It'll stop the smell of decay from the inside, which, believe you me, I'll be buying this.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I think you should place your order now.

[Christina P]

I know I'm gonna be 50 in June.

[Tom Segura]

Oh my God.

[Christina P]

God damn it.

[Tom Segura]

God damn.

[Christina P]

Is it bad enough we have to smell?

[Tom Segura]

Oh.

[Christina P]

Fingernails are not required.

[Tom Segura]

I want you to know I hate this video.

[Christina P]

Why?

[Tom Segura]

I hate it. I just hated that video.

[Christina P]

Why?

[Tom Segura]

I don't like it.

[Christina P]

You can't. I'm not somebody who wants to waste any kind an opportunity that we have. We're cutting hair so you can share with me or not. What are we letting go of today?

[Tom Segura]

What are we releasing? What?

[Christina P]

What can we let go of that

[Tom Segura]

no longer serves us through this haircut this past year.

[Christina P]

Thank you for sharing. Thank you for asking, of course. Take a deep breath in.

[Tom Segura]

So there was a deep share and then no one got to see it.

[Christina P]

Stupid.

[Tom Segura]

Thanks.

[Christina P]

Also, she's like, what are we letting

[Tom Segura]

go of the fucking hair you're cutting, asshole. What do you fucking think?

[Christina P]

Well, she's like, you could share with me or not? What if you were like, no, I don't want to share with you.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P]

Like, how awful.

[Tom Segura]

Let's just not waste the fact that this haircut is also a release of what you're holding on to. Is it?

[Christina P]

Could you.

[Tom Segura]

It's not just a trim.

[Christina P]

Could you imagine this is your hairdresser.

[Tom Segura]

Shut the fuck up and get the clippers out.

[Christina P]

Alan is like, hey, homie, is there anything you want to release right now?

[Tom Segura]

Right now? You know what I'm saying? Like, it's been a rough year, right? Talk about it during the haircut. Do you want to actually just unwind and have me Style your hair.

[Christina P]

No, my guy would never.

[Tom Segura]

Do you want this haircut to be more like a intense therapy session or do you want to just get a haircut?

[Christina P]

Alan from east la. Shout out. Oh, yeah. So this is my new.

[Tom Segura]

Your new lane.

[Christina P]

Cool girls. Cool older ladies.

[Tom Segura]

Talks that are like, I'm down horny.

[Christina P]

Older ladies.

[Tom Segura]

Ladies.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah. A little handshake between friends never ruined a friendship. And she's intimating that it's a certain type of handshake. I hate it.

[Tom Segura]

Ayahuasca? Is that what we're talking about here? Yeah, that's what it feels like.

[Christina P]

Oh, no, it's the frog one. Or you lick the frog. Could you imagine?

[Tom Segura]

I don't want to do this at all.

[Christina P]

These dumb white people paying for this.

[Tom Segura]

This is the only context in which I've seen. Seen you okay with vomiting in my entire life. I've never seen you enjoy it.

[Christina P]

Because they're so stupid. I mean, would you.

[Tom Segura]

So funny. You actually are like, this is great. And they're like,

[Christina P]

first of all, not only have they paid for the stupidity of licking this frog poison, they've flown to some remote jungle in some third world fucking country. If they die, they just die out there.

[Tom Segura]

They definitely do just die.

[Christina P]

Puking in buckets and shitting in buckets. And it's just some. Yeah. Some weirdo rubbing your back and with strangers doing this. I would rather die. This is horrible.

[Tom Segura]

You could never.

[Christina P]

You couldn't do this. I would. God, there's. I'm trying to think.

[Tom Segura]

Will you at least consider watching the water vomit guy again? Just with this mindset. Just with this mindset.

[Christina P]

No, it's not, because I know this is drug related. The other one, I can't. I don't understand why he's doing it.

[Tom Segura]

All right.

[Christina P]

These people are just.

[Tom Segura]

I know. It's just

[Christina P]

I'm releasing so much right now.

[Tom Segura]

I just got my haircut and now I'm doing this. I'm growing so much. Okay, here we go. That's a branding.

[Christina P]

Yeah, it's treatment.

[Tom Segura]

What's the treatment?

[Christina P]

Poking you with a hot rod.

[Tom Segura]

It's a third degree skin burn. Yeah, but he can move his arm. Yeah, my arm moves again.

[Christina P]

See, it's because of the endorphins.

[Tom Segura]

If I do this, will you never hit me with that thing again?

[Christina P]

Relief from exertion.

[Tom Segura]

Pain.

[Christina P]

Yeah, I think it's panic. Just endorphins.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, of course. Yeah. He's got. He's got adrenaline shooting through. He's like, I can't move. Yeah, yeah. You know I'm good, I'm good. You fixed it. You fixed it.

[Christina P]

Just get a steroid shot now.

[Tom Segura]

Holy.

[Christina P]

Go to your doctor. Good. Steroids. Unbelievable.

[Tom Segura]

Ha.

[Christina P]

More white people shit. I'm really into white people doing stupid healing things. What is worse, this or the hair cutting lady? You have to choose one. You're getting your hair cut and you have to.

[Tom Segura]

The haircut would be more unnerving. At least here you can take a fucking nap. You know they have sleep masks on. You can be like, go ahead, do your I'm sleeping haircut, lady.

[Christina P]

Or ayahuasca ceremony.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God, I'm getting a haircut. I'll grow this out. I don't care. I'm not doing the jungle.

[Christina P]

The jungle.

[Tom Segura]

And I'm not against. I've done. You know, I like that type of thing. I don't like the jungle. No vomit setting buckets.

[Christina P]

And they put out buckets in the dirt for you to puke and shit

[Tom Segura]

in front of everyone. The lady was just like, I'll clean the vomit off of your face. And they're, like, doing it for you. Fuck.

[Christina P]

You're so wiped from that experience physically that it probably feels like such a release.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

You know, you're like, I'm alive. I made it.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Christina P]

It's like getting food poisoning. You're just like, oh, thank God I'm back. It's not even.

[Tom Segura]

You'll see that right there.

[Christina P]

Oh, here's the new snack, right?

[Tom Segura]

That's the best snack there is right here. Right here. Salted peanuts and Coca Cola. That's right. Don't get no better than that right there. I went to college with guys like this. I really did. I mean this. If I never left, I might be making this video. Do you think he is right here, the best snack you can get right here, man. Put salt and peanuts in your Coca Cola. She's a fucking slack dog. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Do you think he swallows his nicotine patch, this guy?

[Tom Segura]

He swallows dip? Yeah, without question.

[Christina P]

But here's the deal, man. At first I thought it was stupid, and then I'm like, that kind of. Probably does taste really good, though.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Salted peanuts in a Coke.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Good.

[Tom Segura]

I bet.

[Christina P]

Salty and sweet.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's probably pretty good. I've never seen anyone, especially when you got your period.

[Christina P]

Salty and sweet. That's probably why he likes it.

[Tom Segura]

So you know where this guy is, but you don't know where this guy is, right?

[Christina P]

It's here.

[Tom Segura]

I wouldn't.

[Christina P]

I don't know, Georgia.

[Tom Segura]

I was gonna say Carolinas. Or Georgia would be my guess. That's probably.

[Christina P]

But Tyler here in the office likes

[Tom Segura]

to do this, too. He told us. Oh, yeah, he does it with Dr. Pepper. He says it's a Texas thing. Oh, you put solid peanuts in your Dr. Pepper? She hates real good, man. Yeah, Give it get you some, man. Try it.

[Christina P]

Try it out.

[Tom Segura]

Hey, baby, I just want to reach out to you, let you know that. Reach out to you. Here's a. Really sincerely apologize for this. You know, I'm saying alcoholism is a disease. And I really want to apologize again that I peed in the oven. I really thought I was raising up the lid. I'm really sorry, baby, but I love you. Can you please come back home? This is one of the best things I've ever seen because it is for a person.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But he publicly posted it.

[Christina P]

Number one check. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I really. Since. Here's the thing. I really apologize for pissing in the oven. He goes, I really thought I lifted the lid. So is he saying I was sleepwalking and I thought I lifted the lid of a toilet and pissed in the oven? Or is he saying, I know I pissed in the oven and I'm sorry, I thought I was pissing on the oven. You know what I mean? Like, there's a. But you understand?

[Christina P]

I understand now. It's. We're home here now. Like, this is another.

[Tom Segura]

I really thought I lifted the lid.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That makes me think that he was like, no, I thought I peed in the toilet. I was sleepwalking.

[Christina P]

So we don't know what's going on here.

[Tom Segura]

Are you following me, guys?

[Christina P]

Yes, I hear you. It's a logic problem.

[Tom Segura]

Because she's like, what the fuck? You pissed in the oven?

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And he's like, baby, you know how I sleepwalk sometimes I think the oven's the toilet. You know, I've been peeing in ovens for 35 hours. I don't. I don't understand. Makes complete sense to me. Right? Yeah. It's like. It's like they made a rule. He said, lid. The lid at least has to be up. Yeah, yeah.

[Christina P]

The lid.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Has to be up in the oven.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I mean, because it's either that he thought the oven was the toilet.

[Christina P]

Yes. Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Or he's like, I know you're cool with me pissing on the stove.

[Christina P]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

But I accidentally pissed in the oven. You know, it's the only way it makes sense is if he's such a drunk that he, you know, he just does this all the time, all the time. As long as the oven lid is up, fine. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina P]

That's what it is.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's what it is. And then it's, please come home.

[Christina P]

Please come home. Yeah, he's been drinking too much and he. And he got it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I mean, like, look, if my dad had hair. Yeah, yeah, that's. That's the kind of shit he'd say. Yeah, for sure. I've heard him say, please come back home. I've heard that exact. I'm like, oh, it is a drunk. This a drunk drinks. This is everywhere. This isn't from Gatorade, for sure. No.

[Christina P]

Pisses everywhere.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, my dad pissed in my shoes one time.

[Christina P]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Yep. Ain't that some. See, really nice shoes. Too damn drunk. Yeah, but just, like, because you. Or just because I'm pissing anywhere? No, he just does that again. It was like, you kind of just know that if he's super up when he comes on, he's gonna piss him somewhere where he's not supposed to. That's nuts. It could be in the closet. It could be in shoes. Closet was a big one, I think, because, well, I caught a small space. I caught my. My son a few years ago sleepwalking.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And. And he was getting ready to pee, started peeing in the closet. But I had to. I. You know, I was like, what are you doing? He was like, what? He did. I could tell that I startled him. He didn't know where he was. I also found him, like, one time he had gone to the bathroom. And then when he was done with the bathroom, I watched him walk into the living room, get on the couch and, like, get ready to go. I go, hey, you're in the living room. He was like, what? I was like, you're in the living room. He was sleepwalking. You know, that's why, like, that's why I thought about sleepwalking with this. But I think the drunk story is much more fun.

[Christina P]

The drunk connection, maybe.

[Tom Segura]

Please come home. I'm sick of pissing in the oven too. Please. You know I love you. You know I love you. I know. I pissed in the mailbox.

[Christina P]

That's what he. This is what it is.

[Tom Segura]

I know I pissed everywhere. And I'm done with that shit that's in the past.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

No more pissing.

[Christina P]

No more pissing. Just come home, baby.

[Tom Segura]

This year I'm pissing in the toilet. All right, we gotta wrap it up. This was a lot of fun.

[Christina P]

Beautiful.

[Tom Segura]

Please check out the end. Ari Shafir's final storytelling show with an incredible lineup. It's on ymastudios.com Please see Christina P. On tour. She's going to be in Austin, Irving, Texas, Denver, Colorado and Chicago. And those are [e-mail] just christinap.com sorry, christinap.com and I think that's it. We'll see you guys very soon.

[Christina P]

Bye, mommy.

[Tom Segura]

Bye.

[Christina P]

Hi, I'm Roxanne depalma, and I want to know who out there is curious about ecoseps.

[Tom Segura]

What? What? 1, 2, 3, 4.

[Christina P]

What the fuck is ecostack? The wind in your hair. Tree bark. That's exciting in itself. To really let your fingertips run across the tree bark and feel its eroticness.

[Tom Segura]

Now you get the penis out. Now you get the penis out. Drop, drop, drop, drop, drop, drop, drop, drop.

[Christina P]

Girl, get your life.

[Tom Segura]

Rub, rop, rub, rub.

[Christina P]

Girl, get your life. What the fuck is ecosec? Me and my girlfriend Summer. 1, 2, 3, 4. What the is eco sad?

[Tom Segura]

That is so disgusting.

[Christina P]

I am embarrassed.

[Tom Segura]

Why are you embarrassed?

[Christina P]

Because this is disgusting.

[Tom Segura]

Would you marry your grandson?

[Christina P]

I am embarrassed.

[Tom Segura]

Why are you embarrassed?

[Christina P]

Because this is disgusting. What the fuck is eco sex? Me and my girlfriend Summer. What the is eco sex?

[Tom Segura]

Would you marry your grandson? Oh, my God.