Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794

Summary

Podcast Summary: Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura

Episode: Tom's Mom Joins OnlyFans | Your Mom's House Ep. 794
Release Date: January 22, 2025
Hosts: Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura
Producer Guest: Charo

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1. Welcome and Introduction [00:00 - 02:12]

The episode kicks off with Tom Segura promoting his upcoming comedy tour, covering dates and locations before Christina Pazsitzky welcomes listeners to Your Mom's House. Shortly after, Charo joins the conversation, setting a casual and humorous tone as they prepare to dive into the episode's main topics.

Notable Quote:

• Tom Segura [00:00]: "San Francisco. I'll be at the Chase Center this Friday. Tickets are on sale now."

2. Celebrating Family and Recent Moves [02:40 - 05:36]

Tom introduces Charo as his mother, celebrating her recent move to Austin, Texas. Christina expresses joy over the family's proximity and shared weekends. Charo fondly discusses family vacations, highlighting Tom's newfound willingness to engage in activities like swimming and riding a sea-doo.

Notable Quotes:

• Tom Segura [02:40]: "I'm so excited that my mommy has moved to Austin. Welcome. You're Austin's newest celebrity resident."
• Charo [07:00]: "By far, you were the star of the vacation."

3. The OnlyFans Proposition [17:08 - 25:27]

The core of the episode revolves around encouraging Charo to join OnlyFans. Tom explains the platform's concept, emphasizing that fans are eager to subscribe for access to Charo's daily life updates. The hosts enthusiastically pitch the idea, with Charo initially resisting but gradually entertaining the possibility amidst playful banter.

Notable Quotes:

• Tom Segura [17:08]: "A lot of people are excited about you starting an OnlyFans."
• Charo [21:04]: "He didn't have any idea. And then I just found out."

4. Reviewing 'Horrible or Hilarious' Clips [33:13 - 45:19]

In a segment titled "Horrible or Hilarious," Tom plays various video clips, prompting Christina and Charo to categorize them accordingly. While some clips provoke laughter, others elicit disapproval, showcasing the hosts' differing senses of humor and sensitivities.

Notable Quotes:

• Tom Segura [33:39]: "I don't see this one lower than."
• Christina P. [35:05]: "What do you like to be in between? Let me be the lowest or the highest?"

5. Addressing Show Content and Respect [55:00 - 86:38]

A heated exchange occurs as Christina and Charo express frustration over the show's inappropriate content and perceived lack of respect. They confront Tom about the vulgar humor and seek to steer the podcast towards more respectful and meaningful discussions. This confrontation highlights underlying tensions and a desire for the show to maintain a certain standard of decency.

Notable Quotes:

• Christina P. [55:16]: "You run this show. What Happened?"
• Charo [75:44]: "Happy birthday. Who is your governor?"

6. Moving Forward and Final Thoughts [86:43 - 104:44]

Despite the earlier conflict, the hosts attempt to reconcile and discuss improvements for future episodes. They consider drawing inspiration from different comedic tones and aspire to elevate the show's content. The episode concludes with a playful yet chaotic closing song centered around humor related to farts, encapsulating the show's signature irreverent style.

Notable Quotes:

• Tom Segura [103:46]: "Have I?"
• Christina P. [104:42]: "This has been the most fun episode."

7. Closing Remarks and Final Song [109:07 - 111:44]

The episode wraps up with acknowledgments to Charo and the audience for their participation. The closing song, filled with humorous lyrics about personal scents and everyday embarrassments, serves as a quintessential end to the episode, leaving listeners with a mix of laughter and reflection.

Notable Quote:

• Charo [110:51]: "Smelling my thoughts it's an art from the heart taken by divine I'm so."

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Key Themes and Insights

• Family Dynamics: The episode underscores the close-knit relationship between Tom, Christina, and Charo, highlighting both camaraderie and moments of tension.

• Digital Platforms: The conversation around OnlyFans reflects broader discussions on privacy, monetization of personal life, and the evolving landscape of digital subscriptions.

• Humor and Respect: The hosts grapple with balancing irreverent humor with respectful dialogue, illustrating the challenges of maintaining comedic integrity while addressing sensitive topics.

• Personal Growth: Through conflicts and resolutions, the episode portrays the hosts' journey towards self-improvement and enhancing the quality of their podcast content.

Conclusion

Episode 794 of Your Mom's House navigates the comedic terrain of family interactions, digital entrepreneurship, and the eternal quest for respectful humor. While the episode oscillates between playful encouragement and serious confrontations, it encapsulates the essence of Christina and Tom's dynamic as hosts—balancing laughter with heartfelt moments.

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End of Summary

Transcript

[Tom Segura]

San Francisco. I'll be at the Chase center this Friday. Tickets are on sale now. Later this month, I'll be in Athens, Georgia, Savannah, Georgia, and North Charleston, South Carolina. All dates and information are at tomsegura.com tour well, welcome.

[Christina P.]

Welcome to your mom's house.

[Charo]

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[Tom Segura]

Okay, let's go.

[Christina P.]

I would want to.

[Charo]

Sounds like we're ready.

[Christina P.]

Normal conversation.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Charo]

What's normal? We're normal. We're more normal than most.

[Christina P.]

Why did I think you were bringing me a candy?

[Charo]

A candy?

[Christina P.]

I saw.

[Charo]

Honest.

[Tom Segura]

Well, you put those on.

[Charo]

Mom, you put the headphones on.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I think it should be better.

[Charo]

Cho, do you want to button your sweater so that your tetas don't.

[Christina P.]

That's a good part of me.

[Charo]

I think you should button it.

[Christina P.]

Oh. Oh. What do you want me to button.

[Charo]

Button your sweater. Button it.

[Christina P.]

Oh, I thought it was showing something.

[Tom Segura]

No, she thinks it looks better.

[Charo]

But I'm telling you, as somebody who, you know, you just want it. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

If you want the show to have class and good scene.

[Charo]

No, we don't. What do you think of my drawing of Tom?

[Christina P.]

I can see it.

[Tom Segura]

That.

[Christina P.]

I love it. You did that.

[Tom Segura]

She did that.

[Christina P.]

Get out.

[Tom Segura]

You think that looks like me, though?

[Christina P.]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P.]

But it's a good.

[Charo]

Thank you.

[Christina P.]

I'm working.

[Charo]

No, look, it's an interpretation, okay?

[Tom Segura]

It's an interpretation.

[Christina P.]

Am I talking in a speaker of this conversation?

[Tom Segura]

Lean towards the mic more. Sit. Just sit up.

[Christina P.]

I just realize you guys are talking like this.

[Charo]

Yeah. You gotta talk into the microphone. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

My voice is too sexy. I can't.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, so first of all.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I'm so excited that my mommy has moved to Austin. Welcome. You're Austin's newest celebrity resident. How does it feel to be here?

[Christina P.]

Oh, my God. Where do I start? The fact that just being here, close to you guys and be able to see each other every weekend. Yes. Glorious.

[Charo]

I don't know. I don't know what's wrong with you? You okay? I think that your. The headphones on your cheek and not on your ear. Can you push it back to your ear?

[Christina P.]

Is that what you're laughing?

[Charo]

Is that what you're laughing?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, no, no, no. Careful with the mug. Okay. Okay. So, yeah, no, it's so nice to have you and my little sister here. It's so fun. We got to.

[Christina P.]

Oh, my God. I'm not going to talk like Hawaii, but I have to talk about the cruise. Yeah, you can say a little bit. Let me talk.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. We're gonna get into all that. Our New Year's vacation and. And everything that's going on. But before that, we always play an opening clip to open the show. So here's our opening clip to this special episode with Charo.

[Christina P.]

Somebody have to grab. No. No reaction.

[Tom Segura]

You're never going to know where that happy goes to unless you.

[Christina P.]

No, I guess.

[Tom Segura]

It'S our opening song always. Not him. The song. Which one? Here? No, no. We're just. We're not supposed to talk during that whole time, but. Okay, let's. Let's get in it. First of all, did you like that clip? No. You did not like it?

[Christina P.]

I don't remember the clip.

[Tom Segura]

The guy.

[Christina P.]

Ah.

[Charo]

What?

[Christina P.]

No, no. Yeah, that's his report.

[Charo]

You don't think he's cute? I think he's really cute.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he kind of looks like me a little bit.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. Look to both of you. Christina.

[Charo]

I think he's hot.

[Christina P.]

All right, Christina, you can help him. Okay. I don't know if Tommy is attracted to you, because if you like that guy and you like Tommy, maybe she sees similarities.

[Charo]

I do.

[Christina P.]

I do.

[Tom Segura]

I see similarities myself.

[Charo]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Okay. You have the glasses.

[Tom Segura]

I have the glasses. I have the beard. I have the chest hair.

[Charo]

And the nose is spot on.

[Christina P.]

Yes. And. And then you feel like you're so cool and you open it. Yeah, the rope.

[Tom Segura]

It's sort of like my brother's out there somewhere.

[Christina P.]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Wait, is this my brother faking? Is this my brother?

[Christina P.]

No, that's when I used to inflate you and put it back in there. I did it. I did it.

[Tom Segura]

What did you do?

[Christina P.]

Change you.

[Tom Segura]

You changed me.

[Christina P.]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. Say thank you.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you very much. So it was amazing to spend. Cheers. Happy the New Year's trip with you. We got to go to. To an island in the Caribbean and we went with our. Our entire family. What was really fascinating, we all talked about this. You were the star of the vacation.

[Charo]

By far. The star.

[Tom Segura]

By far. You were the star of the vacation.

[Charo]

Can I. Can I tell you what I'm just so amazed with you is that for the first time in what, 17 years, you said you put on a bathing suit.

[Christina P.]

It's true.

[Charo]

You got into the ocean with our children, with your beautiful grandsons.

[Christina P.]

Don't make me cry.

[Charo]

You got on a sea doo.

[Tom Segura]

You did.

[Charo]

You wrote a sedan with this guy and you were jumping in the water.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God, the sea doo jet ski ride. So she is behind. I'm sitting here like this. She's sitting behind me, right? And she's holding on. And she'd go, slow down. I was like, we're good. And she'd go, you are good.

[Christina P.]

And then essentially, Cristina, no. Then he would go like, you know, you are good. Yeah, yeah.

[Charo]

But you didn't. You didn't like that he was going too fast.

[Christina P.]

No, you're going extreme. He keeps accelerating the motor skirt. I got.

[Charo]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And then end on my birth.

[Charo]

And then what?

[Tom Segura]

She doesn't remember. You can't lift the cup. How's the coffee?

[Christina P.]

Delicious.

[Tom Segura]

You want more? You want a hot one? We'll bring you a hot one.

[Christina P.]

Thank you.

[Tom Segura]

Please. Okay, now back to the microphone. We're just talking about how great the.

[Charo]

Vacation was and really was because of your positive attitude.

[Tom Segura]

And you also ate more shrooms than anybody remember.

[Christina P.]

I want to talk about the real things. Stupid story.

[Tom Segura]

No, I'm serious.

[Christina P.]

Serious is what I'm going to say. Number one, you could not dream for any human being with billions and billions of total to have a better gift of this vacation with you guys. It was above and beyond any expectation in my short life.

[Charo]

And also, might I say you've embraced at your age. If. If you might. If. Okay, saying you're 80 years old, 80 years young. And that you've embraced, I would say such a cool lifestyle. The lifestyle I want to have. You're into all kinds of things, may I say.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Charo]

You're into edibles now.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Psychedelics.

[Charo]

Psychedelics, yeah.

[Christina P.]

Hey, excuse me. I don't have any in my house. You cannot be.

[Charo]

No, no, I'm not saying.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Why are you crying?

[Charo]

It's just fun.

[Tom Segura]

I'm just so emotional.

[Christina P.]

No, they're bringing you another one kit.

[Tom Segura]

They're going to bring it. Yeah. Okay.

[Christina P.]

Keep going.

[Tom Segura]

So you had more. You had more psychedelics than anybody on the vacation.

[Christina P.]

Psychedelics.

[Tom Segura]

The mushrooms, the gummies.

[Christina P.]

I remember when we're in microphone.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. You can say, speak loud. It's okay.

[Christina P.]

But what if I don't want.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, what was the question? That you had more than anybody and you were like, turn it up. Let's get some more going.

[Christina P.]

To be honest.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

I don't see them. Do I think the people are destroying their brains and with no purpose. Because definitely those stupid things don't work. No. They damage your brain.

[Tom Segura]

They damage your brain.

[Christina P.]

And we are so stupid that we pay to damage our brain.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, but it's fun. That's the whole point.

[Christina P.]

Well, if I do it once every three years and one time it's fun.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Charo]

Well. And you were so fun when you were taking them.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you were great.

[Charo]

I think you were just.

[Christina P.]

When I was taking it.

[Charo]

Yeah, you were so much fun. You had the best attitude on vacation.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you, Heather.

[Christina P.]

What do you mean on vacation? I wasn't taking anything.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I was giving you gummies. Remember in the mornings you were like, hey, give me some more of those gummies.

[Christina P.]

Step in. You know what? If you're going to be a storyteller.

[Charo]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Don't talk that.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. What? Okay. So do you.

[Christina P.]

Why are you laughing?

[Tom Segura]

Do you not like gummies at all? Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Charo]

What is she saying? I can't understand.

[Christina P.]

What do you say?

[Tom Segura]

I said gummies, like the little candy that I gave her.

[Christina P.]

Like the little chewy, like a gummy.

[Charo]

Yeah. It didn't do anything to you. You don't think it affects you at all?

[Christina P.]

Zero.

[Charo]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

What about today's?

[Christina P.]

Today?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

I'm in your show.

[Tom Segura]

I know. How are you feeling?

[Christina P.]

A little bit dizzy.

[Tom Segura]

A little dizzy.

[Christina P.]

So.

[Tom Segura]

So it's fine. It's fine.

[Christina P.]

I think it's great.

[Tom Segura]

It's great. We love it. I love it.

[Charo]

But I love that you're embracing. Look, it's very amazing that somebody will change. I mean, you changed your life moving here to Austin. You've really embraced a whole new chapter in your life.

[Tom Segura]

But I also wanted to focus on the fact that you were the star of the vacation.

[Charo]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

You were doing things that like. No, here's the thing. Everybody on that vacation was either a kid or middle aged like us. And you were the only senior. And you were the one who was like, I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna jump in. I'm gonna do this thing. I want to go swimming. I want to go to the beach. So it was. People were. We were all discussing how inspiring it was that you were at your age and wanting to do everything. That's what we're saying.

[Christina P.]

Okay, now I'm crying.

[Charo]

Oh, no.

[Christina P.]

Because I know you're going to say that, but to be honest, it remind me that no matter your age, as long as there is love, everything is perfect. The age is not something that we are all going to have it. And then every time everyone at his time. But really I don't.

[Tom Segura]

It's okay. You also realized you told me that you're going to live another three years max. Do you remember this?

[Christina P.]

Oh, that. I know it.

[Tom Segura]

You know that if I am three max.

[Christina P.]

Yes.

[Charo]

Why three? You're in perfect health. You're healthier than me.

[Christina P.]

I. As my kid says, I am a freak of nature.

[Charo]

You are.

[Christina P.]

So instead of telling me we love you, I think you appreciate. I think you are a freak of nature. So when you die, do you mind it we send your brain. And.

[Tom Segura]

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[Charo]

You and I did our Redwood sauna together the other day and it was delightful. We caught up. We got away from our kids.

[Tom Segura]

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[Charo]

That's right. We use Mint Mobile here at your mom's house studios.

[Tom Segura]

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[Christina P.]

I keep in.

[Tom Segura]

No, it just happens. It's okay. We can keep talking. It's okay.

[Christina P.]

This is called a vulgar attitude and I don't think that it's funny at all.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P.]

You want respect on your show?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I want respect.

[Christina P.]

Well, then you earn it with, you know, your class, your words.

[Charo]

It's too late for that.

[Tom Segura]

It's true.

[Charo]

The train is left.

[Tom Segura]

It's not too late.

[Christina P.]

How come I am at that age, sitting here and moving to Texas. Why? It's not going to be an age.

[Charo]

It's amazing that you chose to change your entire life. I think it's lovely and it's a wonderful new time for all of us as a family. We came together and it's also, boys love it. I love having you.

[Tom Segura]

It's a perfect segue to talking about the next chapter of your life, which is the fact that a lot of people are excited about you starting an OnlyFans. OnlyFans, of course, is a subscription site where you are the star and people pay to have access to your life. So in other words, there's a monthly bill that's recurring and every month a person pays, let's say $10 a month, something like that. And they just get access to Charo and you go, hey, good morning. I'm making my coffee. I'm gonna take the dogs out. I'm going to the store. And you know, you just show them your life. Show them your life. Show them as much of your life as you want. And we told the audience that this was a possibility. Well, the audience responded in such a way that they wanted you to know that they are ready for this. They are all ready to pay for access to your life. So if you don't mind looking at the screen right here. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

The same guy.

[Tom Segura]

Well, no, it's gonna change here in a second. Okay, here you go.

[Charo]

Please do. Olene fans, please, please do it. Please try it out.

[Tom Segura]

We need your only fans. Please join Onlyfans. We could really use that.

[Christina P.]

Joy.

[Charo]

You should definitely do an only fans. Get your ass in gear and get that Only fans. Made me and the little guy think you need to sign up for onlyfans.

[Tom Segura]

You can have one of the biggest accounts in the country.

[Charo]

From Berlin, From Scotland, Tennessee, Canada, California.

[Tom Segura]

From Israel, Quebec, Michigan, Colorado, Australia, North Carolina, British Columbia. From Germany, please. You should really, really consider it big time. Yes. Love to subscribe to an only fans from you.

[Christina P.]

We can't wait to subscribe. I will be on that immediately.

[Tom Segura]

Yes, yes, yes. You should start Only fans.

[Charo]

You're a star, and I want to hear you first.

[Tom Segura]

You know what we want to hear?

[Christina P.]

Let it rip.

[Tom Segura]

I want to hear some more of them things rip.

[Charo]

Let our little fart.

[Tom Segura]

I would give you my salary for one of those farts. I like farts, too. A lot.

[Christina P.]

Oh, God.

[Charo]

Guys, open your cheeks and let it go.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I'm gonna pay for that. I really need your juicy farts in my life, and I'm willing to pay whatever it takes.

[Charo]

Charo Lee. Sinners.

[Tom Segura]

Guess who's got the disposable income to spend on you, Mommy?

[Christina P.]

Me.

[Charo]

Five ten dollars a month is nothing.

[Tom Segura]

Fifteen bucks a month. Twenty dollars. Fifteen.

[Christina P.]

Twenty. Pay $6.99.

[Charo]

I will pay whatever the hell you want.

[Tom Segura]

My whole bank account. Premium bucks, baby.

[Christina P.]

You won't need Tom's money after this, baby girl.

[Tom Segura]

Let's do this. See how much comes in, pop off clean. Make that only Fans.

[Christina P.]

Gracias.

[Charo]

We love you.

[Tom Segura]

Stay gorgeous.

[Charo]

Wow. Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you. Thank you to everybody that let us know how you feel. They all want you to do this. And just so you know, go ahead and pull that mic close again. Just so you know, there is. There's endless possibilities to how you can navigate your only fans. Just so you know, I don't even.

[Christina P.]

Know how to navigate.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I mean.

[Charo]

Well, you know, the demand is there now. We just. That you just saw a montage of. Of several thousand people from all over the globe that want to see you do.

[Tom Segura]

It's simple math, too. It's really simple math.

[Christina P.]

I don't understand. Why is simple math?

[Tom Segura]

Because what you're seeing is one person and then the next person and the next person. It's like $10, $15, 20. And then keep multiplying the amount of people.

[Christina P.]

What do I do?

[Tom Segura]

Well, it's how you want to do it. I mean, you know, I had no.

[Charo]

Clue that my only fans would actually take off. I've made $205,361.49.

[Christina P.]

That is more than I have ever made in my life. Calls from Austria, Switzerland, Australia, England. 5 million views.

[Tom Segura]

Holy moly.

[Christina P.]

Sorry. My heart is racing right now. I didn't expect to cry.

[Tom Segura]

There it is.

[Charo]

Million dollars in 2020.

[Tom Segura]

She's made an astonishing $43 million in earnings over the past year. How much money do you guys make?

[Christina P.]

Like 60k a month?

[Charo]

Anywhere from 10 to 20k.

[Tom Segura]

So crazy.

[Charo]

My mom's an only fans model.

[Christina P.]

Really?

[Charo]

Yeah, she is.

[Christina P.]

What do you think about that?

[Charo]

I love it. This is my daughter and we are both onlyfans models. People will ask us for little videos.

[Tom Segura]

Of like of us together. Yeah. So it's like.

[Christina P.]

I'm standing in my kitchen and say, these are my dogs.

[Tom Segura]

Hey, pull the mic down a little bit.

[Christina P.]

These are my dogs. This is the door that take my dogs out.

[Tom Segura]

Chad, why don't you help her? So. Huh? No, you could say, these are my dogs.

[Christina P.]

What do you mean I can say? I just say it.

[Tom Segura]

I know. I'm saying you could do. Good morning. You can do. Here's my. Here are my plans for the day. You can do. You can do. Guess what we're doing now? I'm going to the grocery store.

[Christina P.]

I'm gonna start rehearsing. I can say.

[Tom Segura]

No, you don't have to rehearse. I'm giving you examples of things you could do.

[Christina P.]

What do you wish me to do?

[Tom Segura]

Well, I mean, it's. It's hilarious that you ask because there's so many different lanes you can go down.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Here's somebody who just does this.

[Christina P.]

I found those globals and the minute they're going to. You put a needle there and the.

[Charo]

Yeah, but you've got.

[Tom Segura]

You've got similar. Yeah, you could do that if you wanted.

[Charo]

You're just leaving money.

[Tom Segura]

You don't have to. I'm giving you examples.

[Christina P.]

That is true. I can do that.

[Charo]

It's easy money.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Charo]

You know how much a guy would pay to see that every month?

[Christina P.]

Do you see how low and stupid. See my review of myself?

[Charo]

No, it's a different world. Oh, no. She's a school teacher. This one's my son's kindergarten teacher.

[Christina P.]

Okay.

[Charo]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

There's different things you can do.

[Christina P.]

You are degrading me.

[Tom Segura]

What are you talking. Why are you keep moving it?

[Christina P.]

I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, it was perfectly set. Literally perfectly set it for you. He was like, here you go. It's right there. Okay. See this part?

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Pull from there. No, below. Below. Push below. Yeah, pull that down. Just down a little. Bit. There you go. Yeah, so that it's. Your mouth is above it.

[Charo]

Okay, Charl, let me ask you something.

[Christina P.]

Yes.

[Charo]

You're going to wake up tomorrow morning, you're going to make your coffee, you're going to eat your pastry, you're going to stand in your kitchen and you're gonna fart. Now, hold on. Do you want that fart to just go nowhere or do you want to make a million dollars this year?

[Christina P.]

No, I want my. My secret fart.

[Tom Segura]

Look, look, okay, hold on. But, like, look, she's just. She's just sitting on the couch, okay?

[Christina P.]

And I want to make, look.

[Charo]

I mean, money in the bank. Money, money, money.

[Tom Segura]

And she's wearing jeans. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

You think I can believe how this respect in your life you have for me to ask me if I want money? Why don't I become a prostitute?

[Tom Segura]

Okay, okay, here's the thing. You don't have to sit in there with your tetas bouncing up and down.

[Christina P.]

I'm not going to.

[Tom Segura]

Or. Or what, fellow?

[Christina P.]

What is your respect?

[Tom Segura]

Okay, okay. I was giving you ideas.

[Christina P.]

Stupid idea.

[Charo]

We're just brainstorming.

[Tom Segura]

Just brainstorming?

[Charo]

Just brainstorming?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Charo]

This is strategy sesh.

[Christina P.]

So this is.

[Charo]

We're just talking ideas.

[Christina P.]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

But yeah, it's pretty cool, right?

[Charo]

I mean, you're not open to it. How open? On a scale of one to ten, are you too far for only fans?

[Christina P.]

One.

[Charo]

Oh, that's something.

[Tom Segura]

That's something. I mean, you can do things.

[Christina P.]

Like you said, the things that I can do if I.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, here's. How about this?

[Christina P.]

You cannot give me permission. You can do it. You can do. No.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P.]

Doesn't make any sense.

[Tom Segura]

So. So far we've covered greeting people in the morning, which is exciting.

[Charo]

Easy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Hey, good morning. Charo here. Just made my coffee. Hope you're having a great day. People would love to start their day with that message. Okay, that's not degraded.

[Christina P.]

Am I allowed to answer?

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Christina P.]

The last thing in your life that you should ask your mother is that she would like to be that low. I just said she was saying good morning, but she cannot be a prostitute because she's too old.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, you're not listening.

[Christina P.]

Then she's going to fart.

[Tom Segura]

I. You're not listening.

[Christina P.]

Buy the same amount of money.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, What I said was your video could be. Good morning, everyone. Charo here. Hope you're having a great day. I'm enjoying. No pedo, no tetas flopping.

[Christina P.]

And then it was you first.

[Tom Segura]

No, I didn't say that this time I Just said you could just do that.

[Christina P.]

Then what am I going to come up with those words?

[Charo]

Because you say it's very natural. You just say what you normally would.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You don't have to do the pillow.

[Christina P.]

Well, if I don't have.

[Charo]

If I don't move the microphone.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Why do you keep moving it?

[Charo]

Push it down.

[Tom Segura]

Now pull it down. Not from there, from the bottom.

[Christina P.]

Why don't you do it?

[Tom Segura]

Because you're sitting right in front of it. Just pull it from here. Look, look. Go like that. Pull that down here. Not there.

[Christina P.]

Why can't you talk nice?

[Charo]

Thank you, Chad. I don't. What are you saying? I don't speak Spanish.

[Christina P.]

Thank you.

[Charo]

Chad would. Chad likes. You see, it's. It's gentlemen like Chad that would pay to see your only fans content. Nice guys.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, you can't do this even. Like what? He just waved and gave a thumbs up.

[Charo]

That is nothing. That's a nothing burger. I. I've done that on my tick tocks, on my Instagrams. It's like, not a big deal.

[Christina P.]

You have done that.

[Charo]

All you do. He's laying down and going, hi. What's wrong with this? What's wrong with that?

[Christina P.]

I can't believe you asked me that question because I think I don't see anything. I was having a high impression of you, to be honest.

[Tom Segura]

I don't understand.

[Charo]

I don't understand. He's just laying that. He's showing us. Look, I'm reclining. I'm enjoying myself.

[Christina P.]

It does have a sense. Put you to sleep or that excite you. Let it be. Because now that we don't have it, you know. You know, I don't know if you're a man. A woman. A day. The day. The thing. Yeah. Because that's how it is now.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Charo]

Yeah, that's true.

[Christina P.]

So you wouldn't.

[Tom Segura]

I just want to be clear. For $20,000 a month, you wouldn't say, good morning, everyone. Hope you're having a great day.

[Christina P.]

I just fart.

[Tom Segura]

No, there's. No one is talking about a fart anymore. You just say, good morning. I'm having coffee. You wouldn't do that.

[Christina P.]

So you pay me $20,000.

[Tom Segura]

No, I wouldn't. Only fans.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, please.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

To say Good morning America.

[Charo]

That's what they want.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That's what they want. They want good mornings.

[Christina P.]

For saying good morning. They pay me 2,000. $20,000.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Charo]

Yes.

[Christina P.]

I can even change sex and names every other week so I can make more.

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Christina P.]

So Good morning America. One person.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Good Morning America. I'm a different person.

[Charo]

Yep.

[Christina P.]

And then I pretended I live.

[Charo]

What?

[Christina P.]

What's legitimate, I say Language, please. I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

So would you do that for $20,000?

[Christina P.]

What else can I say besides Good Morning America?

[Tom Segura]

Good night.

[Charo]

You know, it'd be really cool. Hey, I'm having my lunch. This is what I'm having for lunch today. Just a healthy salad. And I'm going to go for when.

[Tom Segura]

It'S not going to be so you could be like, I'm being a bad girl. I'm having panetton and some chicken fingers. French fries. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

The worst part is doesn't change.

[Tom Segura]

I know. If you could move the mic more. Listen, so the I wasn't close. The new year is here and maybe you've been thinking about finally starting the new business you've been putting off. I get it. There's so many questions. Branding, marketing, how do you even get started? Take a deep breath. Shopify's got you. How do I know? Because I had the same questions when I started. Here's what we learned. Shopify makes it simple to create your brand, open for business and get your first sale. Get your store up and running easily with thousands of customizable templates. No coding or design skills required. All you need to do is drag and drop. They're powerful social media tools, let you connect all your channels and create shoppable posts. Shopify makes it easy to manage your growing business. They help with the details like shipping, taxes and payments from one single dashboard established in 2025. Has a nice ring to it, doesn't it? Sign up for your $1 per month trial period at shopify.com momshouse all lowercase go to shopify.com momshouse to start selling with Shopify today. That's shopify.com m o m s hose alright football fans, things are getting real. Whether your team has made it to the conference championship or not, there's still plenty of ways to enjoy the games. Get in on the action right now with our partners at DraftKings Sportsbook, they are offering all new customers $200 in bonus bets instantly after betting just $5. Don't let this slip away. Download the DraftKings app now. Sign up using the code Moment. The crown is yours. Love the thrill of live betting. DraftKings has got you covered. Bet live on in progress games right as they happen, making watching the game that much more exciting. If sports betting is not yet available in your state, don't worry, you can still join in on all the fun with DraftKings Daily Fantasy and have the shot to win cash Prizes. Download the DraftKings Sportsbook app now. New customers use my promo code Moment M O M and bet just $5 on any wager and get $200 in bonus bets instantly. That's promo code MOM only at DraftKings Sportsbook Gambling Problem. Call 1-800-GAMBLER in New York. Call 877-8-HOPENY or text HOPENY 467-369 in Connecticut. Help is available for problem gambling. Call 888-789-7777 or visit ccpg.org Please play responsibly on behalf of Boot Hill Casino and Resort in Kansas, 21 and over. Age and eligibility varies by jurisdiction. Void in pets. Expire 168 hours after issuance. For additional terms and responsible gaming resources, see DKNG co Audio.

[Charo]

Don't touch it. Just don't touch it. It's perfectly set for you. And you know why, Charl? We want to see your beautiful face. And if you push it up, they can't see your face.

[Christina P.]

My beautiful.

[Tom Segura]

Here, let me show you something crazy. You don't have to do this, but look at this guy. Watch this.

[Christina P.]

No, I won't do it for 40,000. Why should I watch this?

[Tom Segura]

You don't even know what it was.

[Christina P.]

I saw the beginning. If I pillow was going to come. No, I still am not interested.

[Charo]

This is just a video. It's nothing to do with.

[Tom Segura]

It has nothing to do with only fans. This is just a video I'm showing you.

[Christina P.]

What does have to do with me being interested to see how they see what happens.

[Tom Segura]

You don't even see what happens. Okay, okay.

[Charo]

Oh, wow. That's gonna make.

[Tom Segura]

So that was a gallon jug of pila of pee and he just threw it.

[Christina P.]

And he make money for doing that?

[Tom Segura]

I don't think he does.

[Charo]

No, no.

[Tom Segura]

He just puts videos out.

[Charo]

I don't think he can figure out.

[Christina P.]

Can't you imagine it?

[Tom Segura]

So, gosh, he hasn't figured out the commerce part of it, but he's very focused and he's very dedicated. But I'll tell you what he does piece to only pee.

[Charo]

But if he did figure out only fans, you're looking at a potential millionaire right there. Yeah, you just saw a guy make a millionaire.

[Christina P.]

I don't envy him. If you're going to make me do such a disgusting scene for a million dollars, I pass.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, we're moving on from only fans.

[Christina P.]

Okay?

[Tom Segura]

And now I'm showing you videos that you tell me whether they make you laugh, you think it's hilarious, or whether you think it's not funny at all. Okay, okay.

[Christina P.]

So I go from hilarious to not funny at all.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina P.]

My betweens.

[Tom Segura]

Not really in between. Well, I guess you could kind of say it's kind of funny, but. Okay, here we go.

[Christina P.]

I don't understand you. You're asking me if this is funny or not funny?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina P.]

Your brain is not working. I told me he has to hit.

[Tom Segura]

The bike again, so that was horrible.

[Christina P.]

Is it anything lower than.

[Tom Segura]

No, it's horrible or hilarious?

[Christina P.]

No, horrible.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P.]

Okay.

[Charo]

That was. I think that was horrible.

[Tom Segura]

That was pretty horrible. I agree. I didn't think it was hilarious. Hopefully this next one is hilarious. Here we go.

[Charo]

He's paralyzed.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, he broke his leg.

[Christina P.]

He broke his legacy.

[Charo]

Now, for those listening, his leg is totally sideways.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it broke bad. Well, I guess we're over two today.

[Christina P.]

I put a tummy.

[Tom Segura]

No, I didn't know that was in there either. I was just showing you what's in the folder.

[Charo]

He isn't. No, it's random.

[Tom Segura]

It's totally random.

[Charo]

He doesn't put these together. Our producers do. He's not responsible.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, so that one. Horrible.

[Christina P.]

Also absolutely horrendous.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that was bad.

[Charo]

That was really bad.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, here's the next.

[Christina P.]

I forgot. What is it that we're watching?

[Tom Segura]

These are clips, and you either say it's horrible or hilarious.

[Christina P.]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. So, so far. Oh, for two all.

[Christina P.]

Absolutely.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, here we go. Next one.

[Charo]

There's a woman with a horse. Oh, the horse just kicked her.

[Tom Segura]

Horrible. We're three for three on horrible.

[Charo]

I kind of liked it because I kind of hate horses and I. I don't like.

[Christina P.]

You hate horses.

[Charo]

I don't like horses. I don't like horse culture. Horse people. I think it's silly to ride them. I think there's. Yeah, it's like, silly. Why would you ride a beast that can just murder you?

[Christina P.]

Would you consider going to a psychologist?

[Charo]

I really do. It's too late. I don't like writing.

[Tom Segura]

Make sure I saw it. Oh, yeah.

[Christina P.]

How can you ask me if it's horrible or funny?

[Tom Segura]

Sometimes they're hilarious, so. But sometimes that's true.

[Christina P.]

This is hilarious.

[Charo]

Look how hateful that horse is.

[Tom Segura]

I know. It's a very.

[Charo]

We're so spiteful.

[Christina P.]

And if I was married, I would be scared to watch this as well, you know?

[Tom Segura]

So so far, they gave us three horribles. My bet, if I'm a betting man, is that this next one's going to Be absolutely hilarious. Okay.

[Christina P.]

That means it's horrible.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I think it's going to be hilarious. Okay, let's hope. Okay. It's pinata. She's doing the peanut.

[Charo]

That lady better move. Oh, she bent the stick.

[Christina P.]

I don't see it.

[Tom Segura]

Wait, did you see what happened?

[Christina P.]

Why the poor lady. Why the poor lady volunteered.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, she was trying to tell her, hey, don't swing yet. But the lady wearing the blindfold didn't know.

[Charo]

That was really fun.

[Tom Segura]

We're not to swing here.

[Charo]

Let's see it again. It looks like a tire iron. Is that what it's called?

[Tom Segura]

She's like. She. She doesn't realize that the pinata's not hanging. She's like, oh, let me. Let me grab it. Oh, my God.

[Charo]

Is that the word?

[Tom Segura]

Look at the curve on that thing.

[Charo]

Is that a cold tire iron?

[Tom Segura]

Well, that's not a tire iron, but that is a. Yeah, it looks like a dial. It was a tire iron. She would be still on the ground. Yeah. Yeah. She would have never gotten up.

[Charo]

She hit the. Out of.

[Tom Segura]

That was pretty funny.

[Charo]

It was really funny. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

How did you get this?

[Tom Segura]

Did you give her. Did you give that a hilarious or.

[Charo]

No, you didn't LOL at all.

[Christina P.]

Guys don't have a heart. No.

[Tom Segura]

Sometimes you want to take a. And you don't know how big your shit's gonna be. So if you want all that to get off of your ass, make sure you get one of these bidets and spray all the diarrhea. What I'm doing.

[Christina P.]

Is this a commercial?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Hey, Tommy, don't bring your Maya to talk. No, that's not even funny.

[Tom Segura]

But it's an advertising.

[Christina P.]

I can't. I don't care. Then do it with your.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, we'll do that one later. We'll do that one later.

[Christina P.]

Piece of. For you. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

The diarrhea thing.

[Christina P.]

What?

[Tom Segura]

If you have diarrhea, there's nothing more upsetting than having shit covered all over the sides of your toilet. I'm in the middle of an avenue. You have to. They're paying for it. When you wipe your ass and you smear all over.

[Christina P.]

No, no, no, no. Don't go that long.

[Tom Segura]

I have to do it.

[Christina P.]

No, no.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P.]

No. I'm not your mother anymore.

[Tom Segura]

Okay?

[Christina P.]

You're going to start talking like that.

[Tom Segura]

Tommy, you're gonna clean the shit off the sides of your ass cheeks.

[Christina P.]

Are listening to this.

[Tom Segura]

Make sure that all the diarrhea that was onto the floor and into the toilet stops falling out.

[Christina P.]

It's not just liquid Record it. Don't record it.

[Tom Segura]

All you do is you insert the pill into your anus.

[Christina P.]

I know I am not taking, but.

[Tom Segura]

That'S how you do it.

[Christina P.]

Don't talk like that in front of me.

[Tom Segura]

Go to Deep Hill.

[Christina P.]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Go to deep hill.com ymh.

[Christina P.]

Christina, you shouldn't let him do this.

[Charo]

This is the copy.

[Tom Segura]

This is the copy.

[Charo]

He didn't. I swear to God. This is the agency.

[Tom Segura]

Go to deepill.com ym make sure your toilet is never filled with that horrible, horrible shit and inserting it rectally.

[Christina P.]

You don't allow him to do this.

[Tom Segura]

This is our sponsor.

[Christina P.]

No, there is. What sponsor is De Pill? De Pill?

[Tom Segura]

Yes. It's for diarrhea.

[Charo]

Look, how do you think we're going to pay for your new washer dryer?

[Christina P.]

With the money for the Deep Pill?

[Charo]

Yes. They're paying us to read this copy.

[Tom Segura]

By the way, I like how you lobbed that in there. You're like, hey, can I get a washer dryer?

[Christina P.]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

What was I. I got to go put in a deep pill because they told me I have to actually have the experience.

[Charo]

I got to go, too. I got to go home.

[Christina P.]

How do you know where I'm going?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know where you're going.

[Christina P.]

It was.

[Charo]

Oh, that's exhausting.

[Christina P.]

Exhausting.

[Tom Segura]

You guys are on your own on that.

[Charo]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Tommy, Tommy. No, wait a minute. How about my. Christina, I need the money. Do I think this is hilarious?

[Charo]

No, No.

[Christina P.]

I told me. You are my son.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, let's do the last one. This one. If I know these guys, they've been just throwing curveballs at us in there and they gave us some horrible stuff. And the last one's going to be the funniest thing we've ever seen. That's what I think is going to happen. Here we go. Oh.

[Charo]

There'S a guy skiing, right? He's standing. And then he gets.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Charo]

Somebody behind him knocks him clear over.

[Christina P.]

I don't see that.

[Tom Segura]

You didn't see that? So the guy that's standing here.

[Christina P.]

I saw that.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. He's standing and. Here, I'll put it here.

[Christina P.]

And they knock him out of his end.

[Tom Segura]

There's somebody sliding behind him. He doesn't know that.

[Christina P.]

Oh, I didn't either.

[Tom Segura]

See, Look. See it there?

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And he doesn't realize he's about to get hit right here. Do you now see it?

[Christina P.]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. And then he hits him at such a speed.

[Christina P.]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

That he does a full flip and lands on his Head.

[Charo]

Oh, they're all laughing.

[Christina P.]

See, I believe that people have mental problems in this world.

[Tom Segura]

Now, these guys have influenced us in a very negative way. The guys in the booth, because the show used to be a lot nicer before we hired them.

[Christina P.]

Why did you hire these people?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. I think about it a lot.

[Christina P.]

Can you cancel them?

[Tom Segura]

I'm trying to cancel them. Yeah, yeah. They're very.

[Charo]

Well, we wanted to show nice things.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. We used to were always. And then they would throw. They would always mislead us and do this stuff.

[Christina P.]

I don't get it. What did they. How did Misleading.

[Tom Segura]

What was that?

[Christina P.]

Thank you. How they. How did they.

[Tom Segura]

What? How did they mislead me? Yes. I would say I want to show nice videos. I want to see sailboats. You know, I want to.

[Christina P.]

Cats.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. People on swings and, like, fun stuff. And then they would put these things in my folder and things like this. So it's usually the, the three guys you see there.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, I, I.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. They kind of got us by the balls now. You want another coffee?

[Charo]

Why don't you drink that one? She named you.

[Christina P.]

Drink this while she bring me the other one.

[Tom Segura]

Sure. Yeah. We can do another coffee. No, I'm not.

[Christina P.]

I just. How does she know that you want me to be.

[Tom Segura]

I'm just saying it. And they're. They're hearing us.

[Christina P.]

It's a world, Tommy.

[Tom Segura]

They can hear from the microphone. They know. They know.

[Charo]

What do you find funny? You know, we were watching Notting Hill the other night at the house and. And your mother did laugh.

[Christina P.]

I love it. I love it.

[Tom Segura]

She LOL pretty hard at Notting Hill.

[Charo]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And what's that again?

[Charo]

It's like a romantic comedy with Hugh Grant.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that, that, that movie is cute, though.

[Charo]

It is cute, but I don't know if I ever lol.

[Tom Segura]

Like, laugh out loud in that.

[Charo]

She really was laughing hard.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I used to think that that, like, I used to think you guys were retarded. When I would walk past the living room and I would hear you guys laughing at sitcoms, I'd be like, my family's fully. Yeah. You guys would laugh at, like, friends and, like, shit that sound like. Who laughs at this? They laugh at it. Yeah.

[Charo]

So I'm just saying maybe we don't share a sensibility of what's funny. Maybe with the horrible or hilarious, which is fine. You know, we can't be.

[Christina P.]

So you do same person. You think that you two are hilarious?

[Tom Segura]

Well, I mean, I don't know. I don't know. I think I have a good sense of humor.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, but that makes you. You have a good sense of humor.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Christina P.]

So I doesn't mean you are hilarious.

[Tom Segura]

No, it doesn't mean I'm hilarious. But I think the things I laugh at are. I'm. I have a better sense of humor than people who don't laugh at things. Like, I'm a superior laugher. I have a higher.

[Christina P.]

That is true.

[Tom Segura]

Sensibility for it.

[Christina P.]

That's true. If you laugh, even. We don't know what he's laughing about. We are on laughing on.

[Tom Segura]

We're all laughing.

[Christina P.]

All laughing.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Charo]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But also, I mean, that's just how I think everybody thinks about themselves. Right?

[Charo]

Right. Everybody.

[Tom Segura]

We all think.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. I'm lost now.

[Charo]

They're the smartest.

[Christina P.]

I'm looking at this guy in this. Why in the world are we talking about Palace? And I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. It's just kind of. The conversation just went there. But I found something that I think will make you laugh.

[Christina P.]

Okay. Because this is no fun.

[Tom Segura]

This is not okay. Hear about. How about this one? This guy's on a roller coaster. He. He passes out and then he wakes up.

[Charo]

So dangerous.

[Christina P.]

What?

[Tom Segura]

And that passes out again.

[Christina P.]

I toy. This is funny for you.

[Charo]

We're not laughing.

[Christina P.]

This is.

[Charo]

This is terrifying.

[Christina P.]

And a helicopter.

[Tom Segura]

Roller coaster. Roller coaster. Helicopter. Not a helicopter.

[Christina P.]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

At st. You didn't like that either.

[Christina P.]

No, I, I, I. Why do you waste your time in doing things that doesn't make any sense? What is it funny about this?

[Tom Segura]

Just to see somebody screaming and passing out?

[Christina P.]

Yeah. I mean, I, I am worst. You put me there. You don't come back.

[Charo]

Yeah. I'm surprised. That's good that he stayed in the roller coaster.

[Tom Segura]

That's how guys check on each other.

[Charo]

Yeah. It's really loving. I know.

[Christina P.]

I have to tell you one thing. It bothers me to think that if people put the people upside down in this. Right.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

I think it's supposed to be funny.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It's supposed to be a thrill. Like exciting.

[Christina P.]

I did a lot less and I was only 50 years younger. No kidding. No, actually, more.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you, Heather.

[Charo]

Thank you.

[Christina P.]

Thank you so much.

[Tom Segura]

Don't forget to get that next one. Just ready to brew and going here. Yeah, we're talking. You're talking about how you don't think roller coasters are.

[Christina P.]

I know.

[Charo]

No, I don't really like them either. Hurts my head and stuff.

[Christina P.]

That's how it scares you.

[Charo]

It's. I don't like It. I. I don't. I don't like it. The older I get. I'm not. I. I don't like it.

[Christina P.]

I don't like it. Yeah.

[Charo]

I think. I think life's scary enough. I don't need to be like a thrill seeker. Like, I. I'm scared of every day. Like, I go to the doctors and I'm like, oh, yeah, I am scared.

[Christina P.]

Well, you know, we have reasons. After. You are a mother and a wife of. Not exactly the easiest husband.

[Charo]

Yeah. Thank you for acknowledging that.

[Christina P.]

Not only acknowledging. I admire you.

[Charo]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

I truly admire.

[Charo]

What's wrong with him. What do you think?

[Christina P.]

I think. I think you should go to a psychiatrist.

[Charo]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And he. Let me tell you, since that I think once are really positive, somewhat negative. What do you want first?

[Charo]

Positives.

[Christina P.]

Okay. Extremely generous.

[Charo]

Very generous.

[Christina P.]

I mean, in general, great friend.

[Charo]

Yes.

[Christina P.]

Excellence.

[Charo]

But very strong.

[Christina P.]

No, it's excellent. You are his wife. But he's no excellent wife. He's excellent.

[Charo]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

You were saying positive and negative qualities about me.

[Christina P.]

Why are you here?

[Tom Segura]

Why am I here?

[Christina P.]

I'm talking to Christina. Tommy.

[Tom Segura]

I was giving you the reminder. You said, what were we talking about?

[Christina P.]

You know, all of a sudden I got under the impression. Yeah, that either you and I were dead and he show up.

[Charo]

No, you forgot he was here.

[Christina P.]

I was like this. It's you and me talking, and then all of a sudden, you're great.

[Charo]

I'm very. I'm very engaging.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you are. You're so dynamic.

[Christina P.]

He had capacity.

[Charo]

Well, what were you going to say? What. What could Tom work on?

[Christina P.]

What could Tom work on as a human being?

[Charo]

Like, what can he work on?

[Christina P.]

Or he's a good comedian.

[Tom Segura]

No, she's saying, what are the negative qualities that I could address to be better?

[Christina P.]

Well, if it's. If it's. If it's better than. It's bad.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

If it's bad. It's not called quality for something.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, well, I said negative quality.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Negative characteristics.

[Christina P.]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Yes. I'd love to hear this. This is very exciting.

[Christina P.]

Okay. I honestly don't have any. What was the question? Hello?

[Tom Segura]

Hello. Okay. Yeah, well, here's the thing. My friend Will Blunderfeld, he put out a video that they sent in, asked us to review. So we're just going to take a look at that for a second. Okay.

[Christina P.]

To review. To see if you are.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. I don't know what it is yet. I don't know. And I'm just fingering my stink portal and kind of sniffing a few minutes and really just coming into what we call the million dollar point, which is actually.

[Christina P.]

Wait, wait. I thought you were going to tell me about you. If you were funny or. No, no.

[Charo]

This is our friend Will. He lives in Canada.

[Tom Segura]

He teaches men how to, like, get more comfortable with themselves. And, like, he encourages you to, like, put your fingers, like, in your anus. Testicles.

[Christina P.]

I know. I mean, respect.

[Tom Segura]

It's not for you, though. It's just. It's just for the audience.

[Charo]

This is for men.

[Christina P.]

I am part of the audience.

[Tom Segura]

You're not the audience. You're. You're one of the hosts, actually, at.

[Christina P.]

The World Fire, I had to watch this guy.

[Tom Segura]

Portal between the dragon pearls and the portal closer to the stink portal is the million dollar point. It's the external pressure point for what we call the walnut, AKA the prostate gland. We're just trying to learn.

[Charo]

What you can do is simply circularly.

[Tom Segura]

Stimulate it with your middle finger.

[Christina P.]

Oh, yeah. I. You're not showing me that.

[Charo]

What's wrong?

[Tom Segura]

What's going on?

[Charo]

He's not doing anything bad.

[Christina P.]

That is. That is lack of respect for.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, okay, Skip this stupid. Skip that.

[Christina P.]

They don't like.

[Charo]

Okay. I mean.

[Tom Segura]

All right, here.

[Charo]

Tom. That's on and.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, dude.

[Christina P.]

Why is he.

[Tom Segura]

He's vomiting. Yeah.

[Charo]

On that guy.

[Christina P.]

I really.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Is this. Are you testing me if I'm stupid?

[Tom Segura]

No, we're just looking at the different things that come in. These all come in, like, in a.

[Christina P.]

You asked me if I'm. If it's.

[Tom Segura]

No, that's. That's over.

[Charo]

Can I ask you something, Tom? Is this, like, a fetish video where the guy's voluntarily laughing?

[Tom Segura]

It's a hazing.

[Charo]

Oh, like a fraternity.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Charo]

So this is what's happening on the schools these days. This is why we're.

[Tom Segura]

They go, I want to join your thing. And then they go, we have to vomit out. And you. You first. To let you into our group. Yeah, that's what happened.

[Charo]

That's what it is. Yeah, I know.

[Christina P.]

And the kids are so stupid that they accept it.

[Charo]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's how bad they want to be.

[Charo]

This is a current event show, so. No, this is just a current event segment of the show. This is what people are doing. So we like to comment on what's happening in the world. Do you think this is bad?

[Christina P.]

I. Christina, the world is ending, and we are, like, in the taps on the. You know, when Covid starts.

[Charo]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

For the people in China. We watch it like an event that bullies people. Now we have everything happening in here between the fires and the floods and the earthquakes.

[Tom Segura]

You know that our, our, our last house that we lived in burned down completely.

[Christina P.]

I know everybody.

[Charo]

Yeah, I, I just have to say. And I know we haven't talked about it yet, but, you know, but I, I've, I, I haven't even been able to scroll anything other than the fire stuff on Tick Tock. It's been devastating and I feel like it's like a movie I'm watching. It's not even real because we're not there anymore. So I can't walk through the city.

[Christina P.]

It's the hardest thing in the world.

[Charo]

It's just devastating. And the Palisades was our dream come true. I remember it was our dream especially. I grew up in the San Fernando Valley, shitty little apartment with my mom, all immigrants. And I only dreamed of living somewhere as beautiful as the Palisades. And then we got that house and I was like, I have made it. And even in the back of my.

[Christina P.]

Mind you could read you the house. Absolutely gorgeous. I agree.

[Charo]

But now there's not even the hope of going back. There is.

[Christina P.]

No, there's a memory that you have with you, that's all.

[Charo]

And I just, my heart goes out to everybody, obviously, that's pray for these.

[Christina P.]

People and for all these events. You know what? It scares me really. I really feel. This is not funny. That we're coming to the end of the world.

[Tom Segura]

You feel like that?

[Christina P.]

I swear I feel like that.

[Tom Segura]

Why do you think we're coming to the end of the world though, Tommy?

[Christina P.]

Thinking all the things that are happening in the world. We have an earthquake and it was in Japan.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Christina P.]

But you guys don't watch the news sometimes.

[Charo]

Tick tock.

[Christina P.]

Well, watch.

[Charo]

Well, I'm too wrapped up in LA. I've lost five days. I've been glued.

[Christina P.]

No, no, this was 7.9. And I think in Japan.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P.]

I mean everything that we watch is. Yes.

[Charo]

Sorry. Before I forget though, you guys, we are raising money to help Angelinos with our T shirt.

[Tom Segura]

You can [e-mail] all proceeds store.ymhstudios.com it all goes to the California Fire foundation. That people always ask, how's the money attributed? It. It goes to firefighters and people affected in the community. So the people, the very people that are the first responders. Cal Fire foundation is a nonprofit and the money goes to that organization which dispenses it to firefighters, their families and the communities that they serve. So it's a pretty cool community. Obviously, the efforts that are going to be needed to rebuild Los Angeles, you're looking at probably a decade at least. But it's one of those things where every little bit counts. You don't have to get a shirt. You can go straight to Cal Fire foundation if you want to. You can donate directly. You could also donate clothing. You can donate goods, perishable goods. There's all types of places that are accepting it in Altadena and Pasadena, by the way, which is on the eastern side of Los Angeles where they had the, The Eaton fire. They've been greatly, greatly affected too. A lot of people might not know that that community is a lot of people living paycheck to paycheck. It's. There's a lot of people don't know how the different neighborhoods shape out. I would also add that people in the Palisades who might not be living paycheck to paycheck are also deeply traumatized and horrified by the fact that they lost everything. And, you know, it's however you want to view it, but they all need help. So.

[Charo]

Well, not there. You look, there's those people that have been living in the Palisades for 20, 30, 40 years too. And it's not just rich assholes that are affected by the schools have burned down. It's just, it's.

[Christina P.]

Can you imagine being a kid like they racing.

[Charo]

You lose your home and your school in one day. It's just alarming. It's. And it's. H I. I'm too upset.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Charo]

I can talk about it.

[Tom Segura]

Very troubling. That being said, it's probably a.

[Charo]

By the way, at the time we're recording this, LA is still on fire. Just so people know and I don't know what it's.

[Tom Segura]

I really hope that by this release date it is not. But yeah, Charo, let's show you some stuff that hopefully puts a smile on your face. Okay.

[Christina P.]

Okay. I mean, don't disgust me, huh? Down there, but why do you disrespect me like this?

[Charo]

We don't know what.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know what this is. I don't know. How can you.

[Christina P.]

You don't say. We have respect for my man.

[Tom Segura]

Check it out.

[Charo]

We gotta fire somebody today because this is. This is on.

[Christina P.]

I agree with you.

[Charo]

Well, who do we fire first? Look at their faces. This is. I'm so sorry. You're right. This is very disrespectful. We did not okay these videos. Josh, are you responsible for this?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Who's getting canned well, can you put.

[Tom Segura]

Yourself on the screen? There you go. You can see them on this screen.

[Charo]

Which one of you put these videos in front of my mother in law? I want answers.

[Tom Segura]

Who's the guy in the hat in the back? Is that Tanner? Yeah. Hold on. Put him on the screen. Wave. Tanner. Do you want me to fire him?

[Christina P.]

I will tell him. I want to see his face first to see if he lies.

[Tom Segura]

Well, okay. Let's see his face.

[Christina P.]

Okay. Look at me, please.

[Tom Segura]

Can you get closer to the camera, Tanner?

[Charo]

Yeah, he looks like.

[Christina P.]

Come closer.

[Tom Segura]

Closer, Tanner.

[Christina P.]

I think he's scared of me.

[Tom Segura]

Maybe he doesn't want to lose his job, Mom.

[Christina P.]

Okay, you won't lose your job.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. Do you mean to fire him?

[Christina P.]

Okay, what is my question?

[Tom Segura]

Do you want to fire him? You want me to fire him?

[Christina P.]

I don't know what he did.

[Tom Segura]

He got some of these videos ready.

[Christina P.]

Oh, no, but don't fight him. But you should give him a word.

[Tom Segura]

Give him a warning. All right. Consider this your warning. Sit back down.

[Christina P.]

30 days. No.

[Tom Segura]

30 days. Okay. You have a 30 day warning.

[Christina P.]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know what that is. There's any. See any right there. You remember any waving? Yeah. You mean to fire him?

[Christina P.]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, okay. Thanks, Joro.

[Christina P.]

No, I will never do that to you. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

I appreciate you, Charles.

[Christina P.]

Tell me what is wrong with you?

[Tom Segura]

I was giving you the option, why.

[Christina P.]

Will I fire him?

[Tom Segura]

He works on the team, too. What about Josh in the middle? He's Jewish. Do you want me to get rid of him?

[Christina P.]

Oh, no.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Nobody gets fired.

[Charo]

Okay, but guys, next time let's be a little more respectful of my mother.

[Christina P.]

I want to know first, why is it that we are fighting him?

[Tom Segura]

You asked who got this? And you said, shouldn't they have a little more respect? And then I said to you, how about I show you the guys that prepared everything and you can fire somebody.

[Christina P.]

Oh, my God. No, I'm not going to fight any.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, okay. That would have been great. Yeah. That is our fault though, Charles. Sorry. We prepped those videos ahead of time. We. We forgot that you were coming in. That's our bad. Sorry about that.

[Charo]

Because they're very sweet. They love you. They didn't know they love me.

[Tom Segura]

But you know, in the video, sometimes you can't really tell at a glance. This looks like it's an extension of the hair.

[Charo]

Oh, that's cool.

[Tom Segura]

Look up. It kind of looks like sometimes that it's your hair.

[Charo]

Oh, that's so cool.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Charo]

Well, this is 100% squirrel, which is very Tricky.

[Tom Segura]

How many squirrels do they have to.

[Charo]

This costs. Is that your phone?

[Tom Segura]

That is her phone, yeah. That's an old person's phone ring.

[Charo]

You want to put that on quiet.

[Christina P.]

Depends.

[Charo]

Yeah, this is made out of 100% Texas squirrel. And they had to catch about 500 squirrels.

[Christina P.]

Hold on, please.

[Tom Segura]

Can you believe that they. They caught 500 squirrels, like, in from the trees to make this jacket for her.

[Christina P.]

This is not Texas squirrel, okay? This is not even funny even.

[Charo]

Why?

[Tom Segura]

No, we have an over. We have an overabundance of squirrels here. We have a squirrel problem. So they're letting people shoot squirrels out of trees.

[Christina P.]

I am moving from United States.

[Tom Segura]

Oh. I swear to you, it's a huge problem. You can even. Here's the thing. They used to let you only do it with a bow and arrow. And then they said, I know. No, no, I'm telling you that.

[Christina P.]

And you buy that jacket.

[Charo]

Of course it supports the Texas economy.

[Tom Segura]

Now they're letting people stab them with knives and throw rods. I'm serious. Well, we're telling you the truth. This is a squirrel problem. In this. They are tearing up people's gardens. And the resources for the squirrels are out of control right now. It's really crazy.

[Charo]

And their meat is not very good. It's very gamey. So we're not taking away food from the homeless or anything like that.

[Tom Segura]

The squirrels alone for this?

[Charo]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Can I talk crazy? I love squares.

[Tom Segura]

You do?

[Christina P.]

I.

[Charo]

Why? They're such menaces.

[Christina P.]

I don't know what you are, but they are not menaces.

[Tom Segura]

Whatever. They're like villains. They're like the villains of the suburb of suburbia.

[Charo]

Yes, they are.

[Tom Segura]

Really.

[Charo]

They steal those nuts from the other creatures.

[Christina P.]

So how do you want him to survive, huh?

[Charo]

But making jackets. They need to be.

[Christina P.]

So you kill them for them to survive. You're brilliant.

[Charo]

Well, we have to kill them to keep the population down. They're rascals.

[Christina P.]

I thought you told me that.

[Charo]

Their fur is nice. So these are all the tails. They just use the tail and then they throw away the body because who cares what.

[Tom Segura]

You know what? They kind of are, though.

[Christina P.]

Are you trying to be funny?

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina P.]

Here's the thing, though, because this is not funny.

[Tom Segura]

These are the gypsies of the animal kingdom.

[Charo]

True story.

[Tom Segura]

You know how when you see a gypsy, you're like, oh, he can sing, he can dance. And then you realize, where did my wallet go?

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It's kind of like a squirrel.

[Charo]

They taunt our. Our dogs. They taunt your cats.

[Christina P.]

I know. They steal the food from the birds.

[Charo]

Yep.

[Christina P.]

I still love them.

[Tom Segura]

Look how many jackets you're, like swinging by right now.

[Christina P.]

I see made out of squirts.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I'm saying I'm scrolling this. I'm thinking of jackets and jackets and jackets that they're going to make.

[Charo]

We got to get into this business.

[Christina P.]

You have the worst mentality.

[Tom Segura]

Me?

[Christina P.]

Tommy, you are becoming extremely materialistic.

[Tom Segura]

What? Why?

[Christina P.]

Yeah, he's already thinking that we can sell that we can make jackets. Make jackets.

[Charo]

No, he's an environmentalist.

[Christina P.]

He's a criminal. I mean, he wants to get rid of the.

[Charo]

I mean, look, here's one of those menacing little critters right now.

[Christina P.]

Oh, Memoiro.

[Charo]

That's. That's the exact squirrel. We have problems with that. This particular breed. See, now you want a jacket? I can get you a jacket.

[Christina P.]

No, thanks, bro. You can bring me a square. Look, he's holding a gun.

[Charo]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

Texans.

[Christina P.]

Funny story.

[Charo]

He's trying to fight us.

[Christina P.]

Can we talk about the cruise?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, we did. So.

[Christina P.]

We did.

[Charo]

We did.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, we did this already, so I.

[Christina P.]

Just don't see half in my head again. They said, can we talk about Hawaii? I still remember.

[Tom Segura]

Everybody remembers. You know what I think you would like?

[Christina P.]

You drink. Oh, yeah. I am not alcoholic.

[Tom Segura]

No, you're not.

[Christina P.]

No, no. But I do remember that every time I come to the show. Yeah. I look like an alcoholic because I watched. I watch five shows. I look at.

[Charo]

Nobody says that.

[Christina P.]

You guys feeding me and feeding me to see this. Look, honey. That's not honey.

[Tom Segura]

That's not honey.

[Charo]

That's not honey.

[Christina P.]

No.

[Tom Segura]

What's not honey?

[Christina P.]

The opposite of serious.

[Tom Segura]

Is honey funny.

[Charo]

Charo, may I ask you a personal question? It's respectful. It is. With all respect. You're a player of bridge. You loved playing bridge back in Florida. And when you came to Texas, I offered to find you a bridge opportunity to go play with other people and stuff. And then I sent you an opportunity today to go play at a. At a bridge club, and you declined. Why did you decline? You can tell the truth.

[Christina P.]

I'm telling the truth. The truth is, you know, this is a really hard stage right now for me.

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Christina P.]

Because of 20 summer years in one place. The only, you know, the light here that really make me all do is for the two of you and my kids, my babies. But it's a hard change at my age.

[Charo]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

And the place I lived, the longer since I got married was Vero is very small town. You know, you take my left and go straight at my church. I head out Here, go to my right. Drive another 10 minutes. And there's my bridge and the cemetery. So this is wonderful. But I want to tell you, you guys couldn't be more generous, more loving, more caring. And I really feel like my family and I have moved because I went from one side of my family to the other one. And I never spent time with you guys. And you gave us not only a dream, but an impossible thing to have. More on my edge. Having this private, whatever you want to call it, even cost you money. Or it doesn't. It was so much love. It was. Excuse me. You guys can make coffee, wine and water.

[Charo]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Which one should I choose?

[Charo]

Back to the bridge. You can. I may I just may I? You wrote back and you said this bridge is a social club. I play for money.

[Christina P.]

No, I pay to play. I don't play for money.

[Charo]

You pay to play.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Yes, it's a club. And everyone you want to play, you have to pay. And my club was $10. Each time I go to play, I don't win anything. If I play really well, I might get half of a point. But since I lost my husband, which means three years ago, I was a decent player. Since then, well, I didn't play for over a year. But since then, I haven't even got a point. Yes. You don't practice it for a few years, it's harder. My age, everything is higher. My age.

[Tom Segura]

You're old as you're 80 years old.

[Christina P.]

How old are you that you pretend that you're a baby? You're not a teenager.

[Tom Segura]

I'm 33.

[Christina P.]

You are not 33.

[Tom Segura]

34 in April.

[Christina P.]

Okay. I am going to be 78. No, excuse me, 68.

[Tom Segura]

You're gonna be 68.

[Christina P.]

Wait till you see me after this. I want to make a public that he offered me to pay me to make the meal look like the 92.

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Charo]

What?

[Christina P.]

I don't know, but I am going to do a thing.

[Charo]

You want to get filler and I told you I found the doctor. But you can't just go to some nickel and dime place.

[Christina P.]

Excuse me?

[Charo]

You have to go to a reputable plastic.

[Christina P.]

They want. No, because I don't want to postpone it.

[Tom Segura]

Did you get.

[Charo]

She just wants to get a quick fix or something.

[Tom Segura]

Did you get any. Any injections already? Did you do anything?

[Christina P.]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

How'd it go?

[Christina P.]

She didn't have time for me. Oh, but no, there's no story. She told me she can do both of us, all in two areas. I didn't ask her the reason I suspected the age or whatever and that she cannot do anything else because it's by appointment. So she did it, but. Which is kind of stupid, to be honest. I can't remember where.

[Tom Segura]

You don't remember where?

[Christina P.]

I don't remember if she did it here.

[Charo]

Probably her forehead.

[Christina P.]

It was here. I remember now. That's the story. Wait a minute. You owe me a lot of money and I want to make it public and I want you to affirm. No. Like one time. Hey, I'm talking to you. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

No. Hey.

[Christina P.]

Okay.

[Charo]

Jesus.

[Christina P.]

Years ago.

[Tom Segura]

Years ago. We're going to. Years ago.

[Christina P.]

Wait, I don't know. Two years, A year and a half. Oh my God. But we agree. I forgot that.

[Tom Segura]

So you know that people are also getting filler in their buttholes and in the vagina. In their vaginas? Yeah, they're putting them in their vaginas.

[Christina P.]

Safe.

[Tom Segura]

They're putting filler.

[Christina P.]

I'm getting out. You don't talk to me. I am still your mother, so please respect.

[Charo]

What about. Hold on.

[Christina P.]

I understand you're symbol.

[Charo]

No. What about a breast? A breast enhancement? Would you consider getting a boob job?

[Christina P.]

Me?

[Charo]

Here's the thing. I know you don't like wearing a bra. You can get implants so that you don't even have to wear a bra.

[Christina P.]

This is way too funny.

[Tom Segura]

She liked it.

[Charo]

But if you get implants, you can.

[Christina P.]

Put a message like I always laughing. Be smiling. No. Haha. This is funny. That woman has two balloons hanging in there.

[Tom Segura]

Those are her tetas.

[Christina P.]

Impossible.

[Tom Segura]

They are okay.

[Christina P.]

They can to leave the shirt.

[Tom Segura]

She can lift that shirt.

[Christina P.]

Well, they had to do it.

[Tom Segura]

I don't have her number because nobody.

[Christina P.]

Have two tetas in the shape of a balloon without the.

[Tom Segura]

Those are her tetas moment.

[Christina P.]

Oh, okay. Bl. Okay, that's it.

[Tom Segura]

No, she has size 40p jugs.

[Christina P.]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

And then she can make them clap by doing this. She's trying to promote her only fans account and attract more fans. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

You pay to watch your dog.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You pay for more access. You can see them without the shirt.

[Christina P.]

I think we really are losing. I think in this world. I, I. You think it's funny?

[Tom Segura]

No, no, we don't laugh. Here's something that I do think is, I think is funny.

[Christina P.]

So everything you think is funny, as long as it's disgusting, it feels, it's insulting.

[Tom Segura]

So we encourage. This is her mom. So you can see that her chest is really her chest.

[Charo]

Oh, wow. Oh wow. Those are peacups.

[Christina P.]

That's, that's enormous.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's her. That's her chest.

[Charo]

Oh, wow.

[Christina P.]

That's head still.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, she's got them. She's got a bra.

[Christina P.]

Told me that's not.

[Charo]

But look. But look how much people love it. Fire. Fire. Emoji. Fire. I love all your videos and pictures.

[Christina P.]

You know what that tells you?

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Christina P.]

That people are mean.

[Charo]

No, they love her. It's not mean.

[Tom Segura]

What do you mean?

[Charo]

They're being sincere.

[Christina P.]

What do they tell her? They dance.

[Charo]

She looks great.

[Tom Segura]

No. So sexy. They love it. Your videos or pictures are. Are amazing. I love them.

[Christina P.]

What was a nice. Nice public. Whatever it is called?

[Tom Segura]

Okay, so we encourage people. Mom. To go to Starbucks and go to the drive thru. Okay.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And order your coffee in a British accent. Okay. And then to tell the person that works at Starbucks, happy birthday. These are Americans generally doing this, so they're not Brits, but they're pretending to be British. And what we've asked them to do is record yourself saying, hello, love. Let me get a coffee, and you look lovely, and happy birthday. And then send us the video. And because we did it and we had fun doing it, so we have asked people to do it, and now they're doing it. Okay? So that's what you're gonna see. Hi. Hello, 17. How are you today? I'm doing all right.

[Charo]

How you doing, love?

[Tom Segura]

Excellent.

[Charo]

Oh, my goodness.

[Tom Segura]

Where are you?

[Charo]

Are you from Australia?

[Tom Segura]

No, I'm from London.

[Charo]

Oh, shoot. He's from London.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you. How do you now repeat your drink.

[Charo]

Just so we can hear it again? She heard you the first time. Oh, you're so lovely.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you.

[Christina P.]

Oh, my gosh.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, happy birthday.

[Charo]

Happy birthday. Oh, my goodness.

[Christina P.]

You're so sweet.

[Tom Segura]

Venti ice coffee. Best drink of the day, love. That was amazing. She was great.

[Christina P.]

Oh, you guys are really losing it.

[Charo]

But do you see, like, chicks dig a British accent too.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God, do they ever.

[Christina P.]

Dude.

[Charo]

And he got a best drink of the day.

[Christina P.]

Wait, I don't know if you're serious.

[Tom Segura]

I'm totally serious.

[Christina P.]

A really serious problem. I don't think we want to talk here because people can hear. Okay, Tommy, if you think. What was it that we just watched? I don't remember.

[Tom Segura]

I just got through explaining to you what you were gonna see. I said I told people to go to go to Starbucks, speak in a British accent, and then tell the person working there happy birthday.

[Christina P.]

Okay, do it again.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, we just watched the whole thing.

[Charo]

Can you hear it in your headphones? Can you hear the clip?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I did it first. Happy birthday. Do we want a straw or drink stopper.

[Christina P.]

Okay. That's you, right? Okay, then what were you doing? Yeah. Happy birthday. Thank you.

[Tom Segura]

Hello, love.

[Christina P.]

Thank you.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you.

[Charo]

Thanks, love.

[Christina P.]

Thank, love.

[Charo]

The kids are in the back. They love it.

[Christina P.]

Okay, thanks, love.

[Charo]

They're laughing right now. They love it.

[Tom Segura]

There you go. For your birthday.

[Christina P.]

And what do you give him?

[Tom Segura]

20 bucks?

[Charo]

380.

[Christina P.]

That's nice.

[Charo]

Oh, thank you.

[Tom Segura]

Oh my God, it's your birthday.

[Christina P.]

What accent is that?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. A bad British one.

[Charo]

It's supposed to be an awful British accent.

[Christina P.]

Like as bad as they all are trying to be. But yeah, you're.

[Charo]

So we're telling our listeners. Cuz we've done. You tell the listeners to go to Starbucks or whatever, drive thru and do a fake British accent.

[Christina P.]

And.

[Charo]

And you have to say happy birthday.

[Tom Segura]

And keep the accent.

[Charo]

Keep the accent the whole time. Do a bad British accent.

[Christina P.]

Okay, hold on. There was another question that had nothing to do with it.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, now here's another one.

[Charo]

Keep thinking.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Charo]

Excuse me, I can hear you. What you say?

[Tom Segura]

Can I have a large iced coffee, please?

[Christina P.]

I got it.

[Tom Segura]

Yes. Happy birthday. That's all. Or I'm going, yes. Happy birthday. Okay. There you go. Thank you. And this is for you guys.

[Christina P.]

Thank you so much.

[Tom Segura]

Absolutely.

[Charo]

What is funny?

[Tom Segura]

Thank you.

[Christina P.]

This is one of the stupidest thing I ever was.

[Charo]

That's the point.

[Christina P.]

All right.

[Tom Segura]

I love you. Thank you. No reaction. So good.

[Charo]

This so funny.

[Christina P.]

This is so bad.

[Charo]

Yeah. So much fun. Can I tell you what happened to me?

[Christina P.]

Is your show really.

[Charo]

Wait, can I tell you the coolest thing happened to me this weekend? I was with our sons at a restaurant and you have to walk up to the cashier to order, Right? So Julian and I are there. We order. We're just kind of standing here. A woman comes up and I hear her go, hey, Hitler, I'd like to order a cheeseburger and fries and da, da, da. And then she goes, thank you, mommy.

[Christina P.]

What?

[Charo]

And I was like. And we both went, oh, it was the coolest thing ever.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Charo]

Yeah, I saw it in the wild. I saw one in the wild.

[Tom Segura]

That's amazing.

[Christina P.]

You like that?

[Charo]

I loved it.

[Christina P.]

I mean, some confusion with another woman. You think this is something to love?

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Charo]

I don't think she understands.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

You said you were in a place. Wait. With a woman that look like you and you both sat and start talking.

[Tom Segura]

That's not what she said.

[Christina P.]

Okay, I want to hear it again because let's.

[Charo]

Let's watch this.

[Christina P.]

I am not losing It.

[Charo]

Yeah. Maybe we. We should explain it through these videos.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, here we go. Here's another one.

[Christina P.]

No, another one. Why don't we go back to the ones.

[Tom Segura]

Hold on.

[Christina P.]

What did he say?

[Tom Segura]

Hello, Governor.

[Christina P.]

Hello, Governor.

[Tom Segura]

Happy birthday.

[Christina P.]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Have you tried that drink before?

[Christina P.]

This one?

[Tom Segura]

I tried it before.

[Christina P.]

You guys are having more than serious. My brother.

[Tom Segura]

I told my brother it was good. He didn't believe me, and he finished it in four sips. He believes me now.

[Christina P.]

What is this about?

[Tom Segura]

Happy birthday.

[Christina P.]

I don't have any idea. What are we talking about? About this guy. I'm going to throw up saying happy birthday to somebody, and you guys are laughing like this is as dumb as. You can go.

[Tom Segura]

Welcome to the show.

[Christina P.]

Oh, that's the whole thing? Yes. Oh, I can make my own show.

[Tom Segura]

You can. Well, that's the other thing. So your only fans is obviously in the works. We're not gonna quit until you sign up.

[Christina P.]

But sign up for what?

[Tom Segura]

Only fans to say good morning, good evening, good night.

[Christina P.]

That's all I have to say. For real? Yes.

[Charo]

Say, hello, Governor.

[Christina P.]

No, that's not. Good morning.

[Charo]

No, just say it.

[Christina P.]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Just say it.

[Charo]

Hello. Hello, Governor.

[Christina P.]

Hello. Hello. Hello, Governor. Yeah, Governor?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Can you say, it's your birthday?

[Christina P.]

It's your birthday.

[Tom Segura]

There you go. I mean, that's fantastic.

[Charo]

That's perfect.

[Christina P.]

How do you say in French? Whatever. I'm. I forgot what I'm saying.

[Charo]

Bonjour, le Governor.

[Tom Segura]

Good morning.

[Christina P.]

Joyo.

[Charo]

Anniversary.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Why do you have to screw up shows every time? Who is that guy there? Huh?

[Tom Segura]

That's the last guy that said Happy birthday.

[Christina P.]

I want to keep him there.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Bonjour, Governor.

[Christina P.]

Bonjour, Governor. I will say it again.

[Tom Segura]

So retired.

[Christina P.]

I want to hear the accent. I have to pick which one maybe Christina should do it, the French or the British?

[Charo]

Bonjour, Governor.

[Christina P.]

Neither one is. Oh, this is sexy. Look.

[Tom Segura]

And then it is your birthday.

[Christina P.]

Is that French? Yeah, it sounds like a French trying to speak in English.

[Tom Segura]

That's the whole point. It is a French.

[Christina P.]

You didn't say that. That was my brain function. It is the whole sentence.

[Tom Segura]

It is your birthday.

[Christina P.]

It is your first day.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Christina P.]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P.]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Can I have.

[Christina P.]

Can I. Oh, Cafe latte. Cafe latte.

[Tom Segura]

Happy birthday.

[Christina P.]

Happy birthday. Perfect.

[Tom Segura]

Can you do that today at Starbucks later?

[Charo]

Perfect.

[Christina P.]

Are you going to pay me for saying that?

[Tom Segura]

No. He's part of the show.

[Christina P.]

It's a part of the show. I'm gonna go to Starbucks. Okay. Don't talk.

[Tom Segura]

Oh. Hit the. Hit the. The speaker. The. The.

[Charo]

Just repeat what you hear, listen, Repeat.

[Christina P.]

One more time. I have one word.

[Tom Segura]

Wow, that was really impressive.

[Christina P.]

What is it that she was supposed to say?

[Tom Segura]

She's saying, can I have a cafe latte? Happy birthday.

[Charo]

Hello, governor. Can I watch that guy do a governor again?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, sure.

[Charo]

So funny. He goes, hello, governor, it's your birthday.

[Christina P.]

It's your birthday. Why you laugh again.

[Tom Segura]

Do it again. Okay, one more time. Oh, govna. Happy birthday. That guy in the window just had to probably went, what?

[Christina P.]

Dude, I don't get the jokes. I love.

[Charo]

Hello, governor.

[Tom Segura]

So that expression is like a really old timey, like a working class southy.

[Christina P.]

I lost it.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, well, it's an accent. That is.

[Christina P.]

Make it in short, please.

[Charo]

It's like a cockney way of saying.

[Tom Segura]

She doesn't know what that means.

[Charo]

It's like. Allow us. Slang. It's slang. It's like British slang.

[Christina P.]

Okay.

[Charo]

Hello, Governor.

[Christina P.]

Okay, it's like, that sounds like, you know what? Hello, governor. Sounds like a farmer.

[Charo]

Right, right. It's supposed to be kind of low class. Yeah, you're sounding like you're not.

[Christina P.]

Why are you sounding British with low class?

[Charo]

Because it's fun.

[Tom Segura]

It's an. It's within the British. Like there's, there's scale system, spectrum today.

[Christina P.]

Stupid American.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yes, but so like, if you say, how y'all doing? It sounds like a certain type of person, right?

[Christina P.]

My type of person.

[Tom Segura]

That's your type.

[Charo]

That's right. That's why we like the governor.

[Christina P.]

That's.

[Charo]

That's what I'm saying. That's why we like this kind of stuff.

[Christina P.]

No, no, stop there. I.

[Charo]

What's happening?

[Christina P.]

I don't want to talk about, you know, because I don't care for any government there. Who's your governor?

[Tom Segura]

Oh my God. We're not talking.

[Christina P.]

Who's. What are we talking about? I forgot. Who is your governor? Because I don't know what I'm saying.

[Tom Segura]

Who is your governor?

[Christina P.]

My governor is. Don't ask my opinions about anything. We're not getting another topic that we can touch here. I want to ask you a few questions.

[Tom Segura]

Okay?

[Christina P.]

Have we talked about the cruise?

[Tom Segura]

Yes, yes. It's been a few times already.

[Christina P.]

Did I? Thank you. No, wait a second.

[Charo]

We got to keep watching.

[Christina P.]

I don't think it's fair and it's disrespectful. When I'm talking to you throw me the woman screaming. Well, I am talking.

[Tom Segura]

I. Yeah, I didn't.

[Christina P.]

I'm not coming back.

[Tom Segura]

Why?

[Christina P.]

I am talking and you throw me. That's when I am talking Just.

[Tom Segura]

It's just a thing here. Oh, God.

[Christina P.]

You know what?

[Tom Segura]

So here's what we're gonna do.

[Christina P.]

I am talking.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, I didn't know you were talking. Oh, I'm so sorry. Can you please tell me what you were saying?

[Christina P.]

I don't remember. Okay, I know. I was talking. Okay, I know, I know.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P.]

I said, I have water, and then you said, well, as we were talking about it, and you just throw me out. I'm still the mother.

[Tom Segura]

Totally.

[Christina P.]

All of you wouldn't be here.

[Charo]

That's true.

[Christina P.]

I mean, you will be here, but I wouldn't.

[Charo]

I wouldn't have my sweet, wonderful husband. I wouldn't have my grandbabies if it weren't for you.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, it's true.

[Charo]

If it weren't for you.

[Christina P.]

You have your grandbabies and you will.

[Charo]

Have your husband my whole life. I have to thank you. It's a true story.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you, governor.

[Charo]

Thank you, Governor.

[Christina P.]

Thank you, Governor.

[Charo]

Happy birthday.

[Tom Segura]

It's your birthday. It's your birthday.

[Christina P.]

Happy birthday. Who is your governor?

[Charo]

Happy birthday.

[Christina P.]

Still a Senor Cruz?

[Tom Segura]

No, no, he's never been the governor. He's a senator.

[Christina P.]

Oh. Who was.

[Tom Segura]

Abbott Is the governor.

[Charo]

Senor Abbott.

[Christina P.]

The same thing or.

[Tom Segura]

No, the same thing. He's still the governor.

[Charo]

Same thing.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So I.

[Christina P.]

What happened with Arnold?

[Tom Segura]

He was governor. It's been a while.

[Charo]

He did a good job.

[Tom Segura]

He was governor in California.

[Christina P.]

That's the question.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, but.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, he told me. Citizens. I want to talk.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, man.

[Christina P.]

No, no, no, no. This is extremely serious. The fires in California.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P.]

Well, I mean, praying all over the world for this Thursday. It's very sad for people.

[Charo]

That was an. That was Josh.

[Christina P.]

He pushed the button.

[Charo]

Josh. Sorry about that.

[Christina P.]

So I cannot talk about anything?

[Tom Segura]

No, you can't. You can't. That was completely uncalled for. He should apologize.

[Christina P.]

Cut his salary and give it to the poor.

[Tom Segura]

Give it to the poor.

[Charo]

It's a great idea.

[Tom Segura]

He knows. He's on board with that.

[Charo]

So disrespectful.

[Tom Segura]

He's. He's mentioned that to me before.

[Christina P.]

He doesn't. That. What?

[Tom Segura]

He's wanted to do that. He said he was going to do that. So you said you accepted. I accepted. I said donate your salary. He said yes.

[Christina P.]

Oh, well, you do the same.

[Tom Segura]

I've done that.

[Charo]

I've done it.

[Tom Segura]

It's my birthday, so it was day.

[Christina P.]

So I want to talk.

[Tom Segura]

You said you want to talk about the fires. You want to talk about the fires and how destructive they are, how the end of the world Is coming because of things like the fires.

[Christina P.]

And 3 million percent agree.

[Tom Segura]

And there's so many people's pronouns. It's all indicators that the world is coming to an end.

[Christina P.]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. Anything else?

[Christina P.]

Doesn't that scares you enough?

[Tom Segura]

I didn't know if there was another one.

[Christina P.]

You know what, Tommy, that bothers me is you know how Catholic, devoted, unbeliever I am. So for me, when I talk about anything related, that.

[Tom Segura]

And can you pull the mic down some?

[Christina P.]

Like who?

[Tom Segura]

Can you pull it from here? From here. Reach the other way. Other way. Closer to you. No, no, closer to you. Below, below. Lower. Do a super cut here.

[Charo]

All these right here times we've asked.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, no.

[Christina P.]

The opposite.

[Tom Segura]

Right. Just show her that.

[Charo]

And a super cut of. What are we talking about?

[Christina P.]

Okay, thank you.

[Tom Segura]

Thanks, Jeff.

[Charo]

I forgot that's what we have to do.

[Tom Segura]

Super pull it down. There you go. No, not up.

[Christina P.]

This is what I want to do.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, no. Put it down because it covers your face. We don't want it to cover your face. We want it to be like this money maker. Okay.

[Christina P.]

Oh, by the way, you want to pay me for the beautiful future face.

[Charo]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. I really want to talk about something serious.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, so the end of the world.

[Christina P.]

No, no, this is really serious.

[Tom Segura]

This is really serious. This is very serious.

[Christina P.]

I want to. Governor who ques.

[Tom Segura]

You want a governor who ques.

[Christina P.]

Who's.

[Charo]

Who cares?

[Christina P.]

Who cares?

[Tom Segura]

Who cares?

[Christina P.]

I thought you guys.

[Tom Segura]

Because of your Catholic devotion. You were saying.

[Christina P.]

What was the question?

[Charo]

May I ask you this? Since you are devout Catholic. Josh, please.

[Christina P.]

Since I don't know, you have to let me tell you one thing, Tommy. This is extremely serious.

[Tom Segura]

I know, I know.

[Christina P.]

No, so you don't know what I'm going to say.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, okay, okay.

[Christina P.]

If we talk about religion. If you don't have extreme respect to my religion.

[Charo]

I do, I do, I do.

[Christina P.]

I know. It really made me cry.

[Charo]

I don't want to. No, I'm just asking.

[Christina P.]

This means a lot.

[Charo]

Is there anything in the Bible about the end of times? Is it similar to what's happening now?

[Christina P.]

No. No, no.

[Charo]

Okay, well, then that's good. Then we're okay.

[Christina P.]

And I know you think this is funny.

[Charo]

I don't think it's.

[Christina P.]

But I don't think anybody's taking ser. We start with the.

[Tom Segura]

The fires.

[Christina P.]

No, no. The vaccine.

[Tom Segura]

The vaccines.

[Christina P.]

The vaccine.

[Tom Segura]

Pandemic Covid because of co. Co is an indicator.

[Christina P.]

Co was an indicator. The glaciers are melting.

[Tom Segura]

The glaciers are melting.

[Christina P.]

I mean, just going over there.

[Charo]

No, you're right. And you're not.

[Tom Segura]

The temperature of the earth went up.

[Christina P.]

How about that? I mean, yes, but I think. You think this is funny.

[Tom Segura]

No. Pizza gate. It's all there.

[Charo]

I know it's horrible. It bothers me. I think any sensitive person.

[Christina P.]

Why is. I hear people laughing when I'm saying.

[Charo]

But may I tell you something? That's why it's so important that we provide laughter. Hold on. Enjoy. For people. That's why hello, Governor is very important. And happy birthday.

[Tom Segura]

It's that when you think it's silly, but it means so silly and serious. It's nice that there's some place and some people that go, you know what? It is all serious. It is all heavy. Everything is substantial. And the gravity of things are very weighty. So it's nice that there's.

[Christina P.]

What Sunday ceremony.

[Tom Segura]

She's like, speed it up. Make. Get your point.

[Charo]

The point being laughter is important. Listen, it's important to make people laugh still.

[Christina P.]

Okay.

[Charo]

Right. Because the world is getting darker. Any.

[Christina P.]

Okay, this part is not funny. One more time. One more time.

[Charo]

Disrespect. Guys, come on.

[Christina P.]

This is not funny. I don't know what. This is the last time. I seriously, for real, keep doing it. And you guys know it's them.

[Tom Segura]

Knock it off. I'm sorry. It's. It's buttons.

[Christina P.]

Okay? You have zero respect in this place. Who runs this place?

[Tom Segura]

I. I thought I did. Well, clearly they've taken over. I don't know.

[Christina P.]

I don't know what to do to show how pretty she is or what.

[Charo]

That's so rude.

[Christina P.]

From Tommy or from the company?

[Charo]

Oh, my God. I'm trying my hardest to keep these boys in line.

[Christina P.]

You are the one who's doing it.

[Charo]

Doing the right thing again, guys. I mean, I don't know how else to yell at that, but.

[Christina P.]

What is this a stupid thing anyway?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Charo]

I'm. You know what? It is upsetting.

[Christina P.]

This is so dumb.

[Charo]

Tom, we need to. Your mother's right. We should change how we do this show.

[Tom Segura]

I know. I don't. I don't.

[Charo]

What would you. What should we do? We don't know. The problem is we're so depraved, we.

[Christina P.]

Don'T know what to do that you change the show.

[Charo]

Well, what should we do?

[Christina P.]

You tell number one, I will clean up the act of the farts and stupid things. Maintain your class. You two are brilliant people.

[Charo]

So no farts?

[Christina P.]

No. In a way, point of the part, to make people laugh.

[Charo]

What?

[Christina P.]

Guys, what the hell?

[Tom Segura]

Guys?

[Christina P.]

What Happened?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. So. So we clean up the act.

[Charo]

You okay?

[Christina P.]

I am perfectly fine, thank you.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Charo]

You all right? I'm just making sure.

[Tom Segura]

I'm just. It looked like you were about to. Yeah.

[Christina P.]

What?

[Tom Segura]

I thought you were gonna have a belch. I was gonna give you a moment.

[Christina P.]

What is a belch?

[Tom Segura]

Like a burp? I thought you had gas.

[Christina P.]

No, no, I don't have those things.

[Tom Segura]

Okay?

[Christina P.]

They were gone.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Charo]

What kind of thing should we be talking about? Like, if you could have notes for us on the show, what do you think would make it better?

[Christina P.]

Had to make it clean my asshole smell.

[Charo]

Huh.

[Christina P.]

That would be a good way to improve your show. Get out of those filthy stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christina P.]

You can say we will be back and put something funny, but no, you know, like my Falda.

[Charo]

What?

[Christina P.]

You mix parts with clubs.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. I thought we were talking about how we can improve things, how we can, like, get away from stuff like that.

[Charo]

Something funny. Like Notting Hill. So should I be. I should watch that.

[Tom Segura]

Maybe we should watch Notting Hill as a company. You know, why don't we do. Here's what I want you to do.

[Christina P.]

I just saw it not too long ago.

[Tom Segura]

Josh set up a screening of Notting Hill for the entire company to watch together.

[Charo]

You got it.

[Tom Segura]

And then I want to do a podcast that is inspired by the movie Notting Hill.

[Christina P.]

What does nothing Hill had to do with the kitchen.

[Tom Segura]

It's a tone. It's a tone that you want to adapt.

[Christina P.]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Charo]

Well, we want you to come back on the show and see if it's.

[Tom Segura]

Like, Notting Hill approved.

[Christina P.]

What does have I. Wait a minute. What is Notting Hills?

[Charo]

Because you thought it was funny. Remember? You were at my house.

[Christina P.]

I love it.

[Charo]

And you. Yeah, you love it. And so I want to make a show that you're proud of.

[Christina P.]

Ah, yeah.

[Charo]

So I want to watch with the staff Notting Hill and see what's funny in there. And then maybe we could put that in your mom's house and make it a better show.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Charo]

One that you'd be proud of.

[Christina P.]

I am always proud. No, no. When you talk so grotesque and disgusting and it's yucky. I. It's so low class.

[Charo]

It is so low class.

[Christina P.]

But you guys are. What do you like to be in between? Let me be the lowest or the highest?

[Charo]

The highest.

[Tom Segura]

The highest.

[Christina P.]

Highest. Can you just be normal to accept some in the grotesque and.

[Tom Segura]

Compliment that.

[Christina P.]

This is coming with me.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Charo]

What do you want, a squirrel jacket? I Can get one for you. Do you remember?

[Christina P.]

What is wrong with you?

[Charo]

Why?

[Christina P.]

Because you already asked me this around 25 times.

[Charo]

But you don't want. You're telling me you don't admire by.

[Tom Segura]

The way, on this.

[Christina P.]

You know what? I don't care what you tell me. I think you told me a lot of things.

[Tom Segura]

A lot of things on. Okay, the squirrel stuff. When I show you the squirrel issue in this state, I love them. But here's the thing. The. The fact that the state is paying people to shoot squirrels and stab them, like hit them with hatches.

[Charo]

True.

[Tom Segura]

So.

[Charo]

And the homeless can hunt them and eat them.

[Tom Segura]

You also, by the way, in this episode.

[Christina P.]

This is not funny.

[Tom Segura]

You know that, that this episode you have. You have.

[Christina P.]

You don't waste your time with me.

[Tom Segura]

You have cut me off so many times. It told me to wrap it up quicker. Get to the point. You know that you've done that multiple times.

[Christina P.]

Have I?

[Charo]

Yes. It's very disrespectful. And I think Tom. Can I tell you something? I think it hurts Tom's feelings.

[Christina P.]

What is it that I did?

[Charo]

It hurts Tom's feelings when you don't listen to his full thought and you cut him off.

[Christina P.]

If you're going to make it 35 minutes every time. What he thinks.

[Charo]

Oh, my gosh, is that what you.

[Christina P.]

Are talking number one? When was I rude?

[Charo]

You cut him off.

[Christina P.]

You know what did I tell you? I'm having my own show. Did you know that?

[Tom Segura]

You have what?

[Christina P.]

I'm going to have my own show.

[Tom Segura]

Your own podcast.

[Charo]

What is it going to be like?

[Christina P.]

That thing?

[Charo]

What is it going to be like? Nice things. Pleasant things.

[Christina P.]

The name of the show.

[Charo]

What's it called? Nice Things.

[Tom Segura]

No, she's saying, what will your podcast be like? What? What? It's yours, so you can do whatever you want.

[Christina P.]

I know I'm thinking and making it, you know, amazing, but not because you do something like that. What could it be about?

[Charo]

Well, that's the thing. I mean, what's compelling to you? What's interesting?

[Christina P.]

No farts.

[Tom Segura]

Well, then no farts.

[Christina P.]

If I am not going to have followers because I'm not discussing. Doesn't make any sense that I have to show it. You know, if I can make it clean, funny, I'll be there. So if you like it.

[Charo]

So this, like Bill Cosby, he was clean funny.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Charo]

Cosby's comedy was very clean funny.

[Christina P.]

Yeah. And that's true. You want me to do it like that? That's not my fault, number one. Yeah, I see. My old. So I'm not as stupid as I was when I was 20.

[Charo]

That's true.

[Christina P.]

So you see I'm going to do something.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

I don't. So I just want the world to know you're not my son. You actually adopted. Because I would never raise my kids to go on TV to do all disgusting things. And I think it's funny.

[Charo]

You don't. And I know you don't because you.

[Tom Segura]

Know what I'm saying. It's a fear. You know what I'm saying.

[Christina P.]

Who is this?

[Charo]

What the you guys.

[Christina P.]

Why you keep dating me? This in between. Shut up. You know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you know what I'm saying?

[Christina P.]

What is this?

[Charo]

Do I have any tech talks we could show her?

[Christina P.]

I want to start talking in tick tock.

[Tom Segura]

You are.

[Charo]

You should.

[Christina P.]

How do I do it?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you would have a huge tick tock.

[Charo]

You would have a huge. Oh, here we go. Oh, I found this account that only shows people falling from heights and I.

[Christina P.]

Don'T show it to me.

[Charo]

Why?

[Christina P.]

Because I don't think it's funny to be dumb.

[Charo]

To be dumb? No.

[Christina P.]

To jump.

[Charo]

But no, it's an accident.

[Christina P.]

This is to help waiting to happen people enjoying it and paying to watch it.

[Charo]

This is educating the public on what not to do to keep them safe like that. This is positive.

[Christina P.]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

I think it's a Persian guy.

[Christina P.]

I don't have a clue.

[Tom Segura]

Maybe Turkey giving like. Well yeah, it could be like Turkish.

[Christina P.]

I tell you what it is.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Charo]

What.

[Christina P.]

Ah.

[Tom Segura]

Or is that Arabic he's saying?

[Charo]

I don't know. Are you answering him?

[Tom Segura]

This might be a good segment for your new show.

[Charo]

Yes.

[Christina P.]

It's gonna look at.

[Charo]

I have an idea. What if it's a Love connection show and I can do that.

[Christina P.]

I will have my follower for connection. Okay. How do we call it? Because there is 50,000 gold love connection. It's like how many of this did they happen?

[Charo]

It's last Last chapter Love Connection.

[Tom Segura]

Or is it the final the final connection? Where is your the final connection?

[Christina P.]

Because you're killing us.

[Tom Segura]

No, because you guys are about to die cuz you're old.

[Christina P.]

That's dumb.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P.]

You can die before us.

[Charo]

Terminal connection.

[Christina P.]

Be careful, you know. You think this is funny? Yeah, I don't think God is think it's funny.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I'm not laughing.

[Charo]

Hey, I'm gonna probably die by that laughing.

[Christina P.]

We almost hit this when you were laughing.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, what about just like we're old but we ain't Dead or something like that.

[Christina P.]

What are we talking about? Right?

[Tom Segura]

Your show.

[Christina P.]

My show? I have nothing to do with my show.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. Hello, Sick Nation.

[Christina P.]

I'm calling from Uppsala in Sweden, and I want to show this amazing stick that I found.

[Tom Segura]

Wow, that stick is incredible.

[Christina P.]

You want me to do stuff like that?

[Tom Segura]

Maybe like, you can do a thing about sticks that you find in the.

[Christina P.]

Yard, and then I find you to do it for me.

[Tom Segura]

No, this would be your.

[Christina P.]

I'm going to have a show about dumb things.

[Tom Segura]

You know, one time there's.

[Christina P.]

This is so dumb.

[Tom Segura]

People ask to see more cactus material. Remember when we were doing the.

[Charo]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Cactus stuff. Or sticks. You could do a whole thing on sticks.

[Christina P.]

Tommy, this is so dumb.

[Charo]

Wait, can I tell you something?

[Christina P.]

I think you guys, you know, you were going up, up, up in the race and don't know what else to do thinking than going better. You're starting like this, you know.

[Charo]

Hold on. My rage has been overflowing lately. So I filmed my rage ritual this morning. So you can see what healthy rage can be. Catharsis.

[Christina P.]

I like it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, she's letting out her. Her.

[Charo]

Is this how you spend your mornings? But she's making money.

[Christina P.]

Not to make my morning, but I will do it.

[Tom Segura]

Is this how you feel people do this?

[Christina P.]

No, I don't want you talking about me doing this for a show.

[Tom Segura]

You don't have to do this for the show. I'm saying that.

[Christina P.]

No, no, no, no.

[Charo]

But it's healthy rage.

[Christina P.]

If I am desperate to make money and somebody tell me that I'm this dumb, but I make money, I'd be this dumb.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Charo]

You could totally do this on your own, but.

[Christina P.]

So my show is going to be.

[Charo]

You hitting this pillow, getting out your rage. Maybe against Tom and me for putting you through this show and Josh Zolo and any.

[Tom Segura]

Here's the other thing. You have to.

[Christina P.]

You are doing a commercial for yourself right now.

[Charo]

What?

[Tom Segura]

Hold on.

[Christina P.]

You thank Gom.

[Charo]

I mean, for playing these clips.

[Tom Segura]

Listen, this is a real serious question. If you have a.

[Christina P.]

The other one's very serious.

[Tom Segura]

Well, this one's more serious. If you have a very committed fan who is. They subscribe to you and you know that when they send you a message. When somebody sends you a message like what's up? And you reply, they have to pay you to reply. Okay, so every time reply. Yes, but just let me finish. So if they're very committed, they're paying their monthly subscription, they're choosing to engage with you and paying you to reply every Time. A couple bucks. Couple. Like, you know, if you have a 20 message reply, you made like 50 or more dollars. Just if someone's doing that day after day. Would you consider having like a little fart video that you would send as a bonus?

[Christina P.]

Well, you start by that. That's so done. Okay, we're wasting time. No, no.

[Tom Segura]

All right.

[Christina P.]

You made me talk about.

[Charo]

Well, who's that?

[Christina P.]

Sorry, Tommy. That was you. I thought. What is funny about.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. I think she's about to fall off a mountain.

[Christina P.]

And you made this as a joke show?

[Tom Segura]

No, they saved her.

[Christina P.]

Look, okay.

[Charo]

They saved her.

[Christina P.]

Look.

[Charo]

She had a rock climbing and I'm.

[Christina P.]

Going to have change topics.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. Oh my God. I can't. This is Martes. He has made a serious mistake. Somehow he has squeezed into this maze. Take a look. His most logical entrance is an idiot.

[Christina P.]

Now he's an idiot.

[Tom Segura]

Look at his feet. He's so stupid. The ground has been churned up by his feet and knees. Meaning he's been stuck here for quite a while. In this kneeling position. You want another coffee? For real? Impossible.

[Christina P.]

One cup of coffee doesn't make me another coffee. Please put it for today.

[Tom Segura]

His words sound calm, but his face.

[Christina P.]

Something that you push a button and they come. No.

[Tom Segura]

Do I push a button and they come?

[Charo]

Like a butler?

[Tom Segura]

No, a. I can do that here. I have to get the right.

[Charo]

This isn't the Four Seasons.

[Christina P.]

Hold on a second for me.

[Tom Segura]

Like five seasons and then copy that. Coffee on the way there.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Charo]

Wait, can I explain what you're watching? Coffee on the way this grown man got to in a children's playground. Got stuck inside of like a metal children's playground toy.

[Tom Segura]

He sweating. He might die in there. Yeah, yeah.

[Christina P.]

That's what I want him to die. Concerns that is not something you wish to anybody.

[Charo]

But how are they going to get him out? They can't cut their.

[Christina P.]

Yes, they got. So they stop and they carry and then put him in jail and just leave him there to try to pay for. What is it that he did?

[Charo]

He got stuck in a children's playground toy like an idiot.

[Tom Segura]

Now when you say it's just a coffee. Just so you know, since you've been here.

[Christina P.]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

This will be number four or five that you're having. Just so you know, after the three.

[Christina P.]

I have at home.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And none of these are decaf. No, no, we don't have decaf.

[Charo]

No, we don't do that.

[Christina P.]

What do you mean you don't do that? It's not the Disease.

[Charo]

I do it at my house for you. I have special decaf pods for you because I have empathy for that. But all right.

[Christina P.]

No, wait a minute. You know what I realized? I never talk about I want to talk. Oh, that was pretty good. I have to throw it and absorb everything you talk to me. And when I ask you for 10 minutes of my time, I don't. I can't.

[Tom Segura]

Well, we covered everything already. Oh, okay.

[Christina P.]

Number one. Did we talk about the cruise?

[Tom Segura]

Yes, yes. Hours ago.

[Christina P.]

And did I thank you enough?

[Tom Segura]

Well, enough.

[Christina P.]

I don't think. Enough. I don't think people understand the magnitude of the present. And it's not only God knows how many million dollars you spend in doing this, including us and giving us that love.

[Charo]

Another coffee?

[Christina P.]

Coffee, but it's not good alcohol.

[Charo]

Thank you, Heather. No, she's not dosing you. Hey, that's my royal cup. What do you think? That's from the Queen.

[Christina P.]

Oh, my God.

[Charo]

Yeah, that's from the Jubilee. Pretty cool, huh? God save the Queen. I think that's from her platinum jubilee.

[Christina P.]

Don't be.

[Charo]

Who's that?

[Christina P.]

I didn't say that.

[Charo]

Who's that?

[Christina P.]

How did you get that?

[Charo]

I ordered it from. I ordered it from Buckingham Palace.

[Tom Segura]

Kisses. It's from. From England.

[Christina P.]

No, for don't be at the worst part sound like it's me.

[Charo]

No, no, that's not you.

[Tom Segura]

It doesn't sound like you.

[Charo]

No.

[Christina P.]

So I am losing. I know. Wait a minute. I might be, but I'm not stupid. Okay, so, yes. Ghost face killers. A poet from the streets. That's how I like my mcs. I have no both pain steers is accomplished for my foot. God save the Queen.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

Is fat and racist.

[Charo]

Hello, Governor.

[Tom Segura]

Hello, Governor. Oh, no.

[Christina P.]

What's up there? Ch. That's my voice to me.

[Charo]

No.

[Christina P.]

You don't like it. T there. T T there. Is that my voice?

[Tom Segura]

I. I don't know. It's. Maybe it's like somebody who sounds like it.

[Christina P.]

Well, then they have to pay me.

[Tom Segura]

No, no.

[Christina P.]

Be. Can I be?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. You can.

[Christina P.]

Who's that guy upstairs, though, that say some concern.

[Charo]

That's the guy we were just talking about on the playground. He's stuck in the playground, remember?

[Tom Segura]

Stuck in the playground, remember?

[Charo]

You wanted him to die a minute ago.

[Christina P.]

You were happy that I don't want him to die. Oh, I don't wish that to anybody. Make it clear.

[Charo]

Okay, sorry, I misunderstood.

[Christina P.]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sorry.

[Charo]

I misunderstood.

[Christina P.]

Okay. No.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P.]

Any. You really need to take a. I know you're black and you guys do your own thing, but you still. Still have to shed.

[Tom Segura]

Well, there's any right there.

[Christina P.]

I don't know any you need to shed.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you, I will. Thanks for the reminder, Char. I appreciate you. Why did you say.

[Christina P.]

What in the world. Why would I talk about stuff like that?

[Tom Segura]

I don't you say that. You've said that to me pretty much every time you've came in here.

[Christina P.]

Who is this?

[Tom Segura]

It's any. It's any me.

[Christina P.]

Any. The good looking. The young one?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, the good looking young one right there. He's waving at you. No, the old ugly one. That's me.

[Christina P.]

Ugly, goodlook. Good looking. But I told you.

[Tom Segura]

What you said you have to take a. I know you're black and you. What? I mean, isn't that what the thing said?

[Christina P.]

Eddie, what did you say? Huh?

[Tom Segura]

Any. Not Eddie.

[Christina P.]

Any.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, did.

[Christina P.]

I said you have to shed and you can tell me you're black and you guys do your own thing, but you still have to shed.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's like. Cuz. You know how like sometimes. Sometimes black guys. We don't.

[Christina P.]

No, this is not funny. I'm not taking. These are funny.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Charo]

Why is it.

[Christina P.]

You guys are rude. I can't believe you make my wor. To become disgusting. No way.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, okay.

[Charo]

Did you guys do that on a.

[Christina P.]

No, bro. Guess what?

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Christina P.]

Guess what?

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Christina P.]

I'm taking you to buy me something. This is ch. The real mom at your mom's house. Kick back, hold your nuts. I listen to this. Real us new. That's no me, Tommy.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, no.

[Charo]

I mean, that's AI. This is what they did. They put this together with artificial intelligence. And they're framing you. They're trying to make you say bad things.

[Christina P.]

That really pisses me off.

[Charo]

Yeah, me too. And you guys, we're gonna get to the bottom of this.

[Christina P.]

No, the bottom is you don't get a bit.

[Charo]

What are you talking about? After this, we're gonna scold him.

[Christina P.]

It's dangerous. Oh. I want to talk about three things. Protect your neck, brother. No, no, this is serious. I know. I would talk about the cruise. No. Did I thank you enough?

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Christina P.]

It made me cry. I have never in my wildest dreams ever imagined a trip like this.

[Tom Segura]

I'm so glad that we were all able to do it.

[Christina P.]

I was talking, you know, from picking a sub to taking the most amazing any human being, millionaire or billionaire could have. And I want to talk about the moving here.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

The two of you have gone above and beyond not Only inviting us. You bought a house that you lended uses and it's beautiful and you are fixing everything by the way. I need a washer and dryer and the dry clean. You know the washer and dryer doesn't work. I have to say it because it's.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. I don't know.

[Christina P.]

Think I forgot about the garbage. That's my fault.

[Charo]

I'm gonna go pee.

[Christina P.]

No, wait.

[Charo]

I really have to hear a jewel.

[Christina P.]

I was thanking you, Tommy.

[Tom Segura]

No, I know.

[Christina P.]

I appreciate what you're saying and let me thank you. Okay, I'm not talking. I can't hear anything.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, I hear your gratitude and it's a pleasure. And obviously it's a pleasure.

[Christina P.]

I haven't finished.

[Tom Segura]

You did a pretty good job.

[Christina P.]

No, you're not going to interrupt me when I'm thinking.

[Tom Segura]

I think what we'll do is we should probably focused on a washer and dryer. That worked for you.

[Christina P.]

I thank you, Tony.

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Christina P.]

We have two weeks of dirty clothes in the house.

[Tom Segura]

This I like that. I had no idea. And then I just found out.

[Christina P.]

Now I don't have washer and dryer. I don't have a dishwasher.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, the house had a dishwasher. It doesn't work.

[Christina P.]

No, they didn't put a dishwasher. They took it out.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, they took it out. Okay.

[Christina P.]

So I want to thank the audience for thanking my husband and his wonderful wife for donating us a washer and dryer and a dishwasher. However, I want to make sure that I never even talk about the fact about this house. Tommy and Christina were not knowing what they were getting, but they thought they were going to be excited to have us here. And they couldn't do any more than what they did. So we embarked in this trip with Jane. We took an RV with the dogs. And then from there he took us in a cruise that you said I already talked about.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, we definitely talked about the cruise.

[Christina P.]

Did I thank you enough?

[Tom Segura]

Yes. Yes.

[Christina P.]

Did I tell any human being who hasn't dream in life you have to pee bad?

[Tom Segura]

Now we're about to wrap, so just stay here.

[Christina P.]

Okay then. Okay. I did that thing. I want to talk about the house. I know the house is Tommy's house and Christina's house. Sure. But of course it's true. You don't need to say it like that.

[Charo]

Oh, sorry. Sorry.

[Christina P.]

That was sound like don't remember. Don't forget that is my house.

[Charo]

I didn't say like that.

[Christina P.]

No, you said it's true.

[Charo]

It is true, though, that we do own it.

[Christina P.]

We're the signers on I don't pay any penny. So. Yes, you're right. Yeah, that's what I wanted to say. No, I want to grab gravese record these words. I left a little house in FR to come here and basically a mansion that I have to get used to make orders because so far I cannot tell you anything. But you were so, so, so incredible. Normally generous in buying the house and fixing anything that is not working, which Tommy just grant us a washer and dryer and the dishwasher. You told me before I did.

[Tom Segura]

I'm thrilled to be able to do it.

[Christina P.]

He's the most generous human being I know. No, no. You guys laugh. Whatever the words you use. Women are stupid.

[Charo]

Excuse me, Tanner.

[Christina P.]

Who did that? Huh?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Christina P.]

How can you. You.

[Tom Segura]

No, I.

[Christina P.]

You run this show.

[Tom Segura]

This is absolutely unacceptable. That is unacceptable. We're gonna meet in the conference room right after this.

[Christina P.]

Fire him.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That's unbelievable. So this has been such a wild treat. The most unhinged and hectic episode.

[Christina P.]

Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Fifteen years.

[Charo]

The time is up, though. The crew has to go home.

[Tom Segura]

The crew has to go home. They have to do ads. Yeah. But this has been such a remarkably.

[Charo]

Thank you.

[Tom Segura]

Interesting.

[Christina P.]

And I have to say this.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Christina P.]

I forgot to tell you. Where did you get those mattresses?

[Tom Segura]

Do you like your mattress?

[Christina P.]

I like the mattress. I want to know if they have a box spring and I complete my dreams.

[Tom Segura]

I'm sure. I'm sure. Yeah.

[Charo]

Sponsor.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P.]

So can I get it publicly, please?

[Charo]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P.]

Okay. Oh, my God. It's not the year, so I know yet. Can you. Yes, it is. Please.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know what you're asking me.

[Christina P.]

I forgot.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know either.

[Christina P.]

A box spring.

[Tom Segura]

But thank you guys.

[Christina P.]

Watching a box.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you for listening.

[Christina P.]

From the same company.

[Tom Segura]

Me the name and we will see next week. This has been the most fun episode. We thank Charl for coming in. We thank all of you for of course, sending in the hello governor, happy birthday videos. And of course for encouraging the onlyfans which will be hitting the world wide web quite soon. I want to thank of course, my lovely co host Christine for always being here with me.

[Charo]

Thank you, Tim.

[Tom Segura]

Our soon very reduced staff. For all their misbehavior.

[Charo]

They're all getting fired.

[Tom Segura]

People getting fired after this. Well, yeah, so. And of course, wait a minute. The great child for joining us. And our closing song is gonna play right now. We love you guys. We'll see you soon, people.

[Christina P.]

For real?

[Charo]

Yeah. Because you're so unhappy.

[Christina P.]

I. Why am I unhappy?

[Charo]

Because you hate them mad.

[Christina P.]

Why do you guys not hearing? You have music?

[Tom Segura]

It's a closing song.

[Christina P.]

Is this part of your show?

[Tom Segura]

It's a song that close the show. Enjoy the sunshine or favor but for.

[Charo]

The sweet scent that hits my face.

[Tom Segura]

A pride of perfume in my own.

[Christina P.]

Own little space.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, I love listening.

[Charo]

To smelling my thought it's an art from the heart taken by divine I'm so. I can't hear you.

[Tom Segura]

I'm listening Makes me feel so.

[Charo]

I.

[Tom Segura]

Let one loose while tying my shoe.

[Charo]

In the elevator there's no one else who knew Silent but deadly he follows.

[Tom Segura]

Me A quiet ghost of my gassy.

[Charo]

Glee oh, I my love Smelling my thoughts it's an earth on the heart Stinky but divine.

[Tom Segura]

Makes me feel so.

[Charo]

Fine People may laugh, they may slown But I I won't let that get any down in each fight find some.

[Tom Segura]

Cheer My personal fragrance is crystal clear Dinner was beams and now I see My own bouquet is flattering me.

[Charo]

And little play A private delight Makes my whole day here.