Triggered By Trauma w/ Triggernometry's Francis Foster & Konstantin Kisin | Your Mom's House Ep. 851

Summary

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Your Mom’s House Ep. 851: "Triggered By Trauma" w/ Triggernometry's Francis Foster & Konstantin Kisin

Date: March 18, 2026
Hosts: Christina Pazsitzky & Tom Segura
Guests: Francis Foster & Konstantin Kisin (Triggernometry podcast)

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Episode Overview

In this lively, chaotic, and frequently irreverent episode, married comedians Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura (aka "the Mommies") welcome British comedians Francis Foster and Konstantin Kisin, co-hosts of the Triggernometry podcast. Together, they dive deep into cultural differences, current events, childhood traumas, funerals, language quirks, and the endless joy and horror of strange online clips. Expect crass humor, real talk about family dynamics, and a barrage of rapid-fire, wide-ranging conversation that makes Your Mom’s House a cult favorite.

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Main Discussion Themes

1. Obama, Code-Switching, and Political Impressions

• Timestamps: 00:03 – 07:35
• The show kicks off with Tom and Christina riffing on old Obama audiobook clips, impersonating his code-switching between audiences.
• Christina: "Why does he sound like a white guy pretending to be a black guy?" (02:21)
• Discussion of the famous Key & Peele “Obama Anger Translator” sketch; how Obama could deftly move between 'white' and 'black' cultural mannerisms.
• Konstantin weighs in on the awkwardness and social calculus of meeting famous people across cultures.

2. International Women’s Day, Smooth Dictators, and Social Performance

• Timestamps: 05:28 – 07:44
• Christina describes Putin’s Women's Day speech as more emotionally stable and performative than other leaders.
• Comparison of European gestures (flowers for Women’s Day) with American feminist perceptions.

3. Celebrity Politics & “Stay In Your Lane” Discourse

• Timestamps: 16:03 – 18:08
• Tom shares Gene Simmons' blunt take: celebrities should "shut their pie hole and do your art. Nobody cares what you think." (17:17)
• Christina and Tom agree: there's resentment toward wealthy celebrities who lecture ordinary people on politics.

4. Periods, Bathroom Talk, and Domestic Realism

• Timestamps: 18:08 – 20:45
• An extended, typically TMI segment about periods, farting, gym poops, and the daily realities of married life.
• Christina: “The 10 minutes I have with you... is there just a time when there’s no farts?” (20:39)

5. Politically Incorrect Comedies and Cancel Culture

• Timestamps: 22:05 – 24:06
• Christina laments that films like "Revenge of the Nerds" are now considered too politically incorrect to find easily.
• Discussion on changing cultural standards and nostalgia for old (edgier) comedy.

6. Medical Nightmares Abroad – Hungary and Russia

• Timestamps: 33:12 – 36:18 & 107:00 – 109:40
• Christina shares horror stories about Hungarian hospitals: "You don’t want to end up in a Hungarian hospital." (34:12)
• Konstantin: Ukrainian hospitals are just as grim, solidifying the perspective that American/Western healthcare is a hidden luxury.

7. British, Russian, and Latin Family Dynamics

• Timestamps: 41:45 – 44:36
• Francis and Tom compare their experience of having severe, dramatic immigrant mothers.
• Francis: “My mom is a mix of people you don't want to put together... like nitroglycerin, about to fucking—” (42:57)
• Tom on Latin parenting: "If it’s the boy, they’re like, ‘What’s up? I need a phone. You get it for me. I gave birth to you!’" (44:36)

8. Brexit, Working Class Hardness, and UK Stabbing Culture

• Timestamps: 46:00 – 47:03; 40:18 – 41:13
• The guests give their British take on Brexit—ultimately inconsequential, but divisive enough to break up marriages.
• Lighthearted ribbing about how Americans love shooting and British people love stabbing: "I respect [stabbing] so much... It takes heart, it takes bravery." (40:24)

9. Cancelled Yet Talented – Art vs. Artist

• Timestamps: 50:06 – 54:52
• The group debates whether you can love someone’s work if they’re a “piece of shit” (Michael Jackson, Kevin Spacey, R. Kelly, Woody Allen, etc.)
• Tom: “When people shit on Kevin Spacey... I’d love to see him starring in things again. The guy’s phenomenal.” (50:24)
• Christina: “Hollywood does not give a fuck. He’ll be back working in a note.” (50:45)

10. Britishisms, Language, and Tea Pedantry

• Timestamps: 61:32 – 95:28
• Francis explains why Brits say "maths" instead of "math," and how English in America is closer to the language of the 18th-century founders.
• Francis gives an intricate breakdown of making "real" British tea—bag in first, 12 seconds, touch of milk.
• Francis: “We invented the language, so it’s fine.” (61:48)

11. Fighting, Martial Arts, and Teaching Kids Bad Lessons

• Timestamps: 63:11 – 65:04
• Francis: “I thought martial arts would teach discipline... The fights on the playground got better. Roundhouse kicks, 1-2-3 combinations.” (64:03)
• Humorous regret about introducing struggling students in East London to martial arts.

12. Eastern European & Russian Hardness, Weather Despair, and Toughness

• Timestamps: 70:53 – 74:34
• Francis: “British people, particularly outside London—they’re just tougher… That’s how we took over the world. When they start drinking, it’s my time to leave.” (71:44)
• Discussion about regional toughness in England, Russia’s grim history, and how it shapes culture.

13. What Dictators Have in Common

• Timestamps: 74:07 – 76:47
• Tom recommends “Dictatorship” podcast, and they discuss how power exacerbates latent psychopathy.
• Konstantin: “If you make me a dictator, I’d shoot some people.” (75:44)

14. Death, Burials, and Funeral Preferences

• Timestamps: 77:17 – 80:16
• Christina: “I’d like to decompose naturally in our backyard.”
• Tom: “They should slingshot people into the ocean... Save the land.” (77:44)
• Open-casket funeral customs across Russia, Venezuela, and the U.S.

15. Parenting, Shitting During Childbirth, and Naming Kids

• Timestamps: 103:17 – 106:22
• Christina wants to know if she pooped while giving birth and wishes she’d used a mirror.
• Francis on Latin parenting: “She goes through names of the cousins… Mom, I’m an only child!” (106:05)

16. Horrible or Hilarious: Video Segment

• Timestamps: 82:15 – 109:39
• The group reacts to a bank of curated weird/freaky online clips, debating whether they’re "horrible or hilarious."
• Highlights:
  • Motorcycle crash caused by a deer (“That’s just bad luck.”)
  • Woman chipping her tooth with a gun (“Now she needs veneers, just like me!”)
  • “Marginalized community” TikToks – Christina’s feminist response to Tom’s years of sending her gross ‘cool guy’ clips.
  • Unsettling TikTok woman shaving her "minch"—Francis, recoiling: “She looks like one of the dinner ladies from school.” (96:46)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Code-Switching and Obama

• Tom (02:46): “In hindsight, I feel like he code switches pretty… He does code switch a lot, yeah. He ain’t bad.”
• Christina (02:44): “I wish Obama blacked it up now.”

On British vs. American Culture

• Francis (40:24): “Stabbing is like… I respect it so much… You have to get right up on somebody.”
• Tom (40:56): “That’s why we are so fat.”

On Parenting and Mother Influence

• Francis (42:46): “My mom is a mix… half Arabic, quarter Sicilian, quarter Turkish Cypriot.”
• Tom (44:36): “I need a new iPhone. I’m like, you need a phone? Yeah, you get it. Because I gave birth to you.”

On Cancel Culture vs. Talent

• Tom (50:24): “When people shit on Kevin Spacey… I’d love to see him starring in things again. The guy’s phenomenal.”
• Francis (51:12, re: R. Kelly): “It’s the best of both worlds. He gets to pay for his crimes, and we still get the music.”

On UK Weather and Hardiness

• Francis (71:44): “[Brits are] just tougher people. I remember a beautiful woman puts the pint down... ‘I’m not gonna bang you. Fuck off.’”
• Konstantin (70:35): “Since the start of the year… it rained every single day.”

On Healthcare Abroad

• Christina (34:12): “You don’t want to end up in a Hungarian hospital.”

On Travel & Perspective

• Konstantin (109:08): “If you want to inoculate your children against being retarded…have them travel around the world… That’s like a vaccine against stupidity.”
• Christina (109:16): “Still at the top of the food chain, bros.”

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Cultural Observations & Lingo

• Britishisms explained: “Maths,” “builders tea,” “piss off,” “Northerners.”
• Code-switching: The act of changing speech or mannerisms depending on the audience—a recurring Obama bit.
• Parenting realness: Jokes about farting, men not remembering kid’s names, childbirth TMI.
• Cancel culture: The art vs. artist dilemma, with real-time debates over current and classic “problematic” celebrities.

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Segments with Timestamps

• Obama & code-switching: 00:03 – 07:35
• Putin, Women’s Day: 05:28 – 07:44
• Gene Simmons on celebrity politics: 16:03 – 18:08
• Marriage/parenting/farts: 18:08 – 22:00
• Cancel culture – talented “pieces of shit”: 50:06 – 54:52
• British class/violence humor: 39:35 – 44:45
• Martial arts in UK schools backfiring: 63:11 – 65:04
• Death, funerals & cultural differences: 77:17 – 80:16
• British tea ritual: 92:22 – 95:28
• Parenting, childbirth TMI: 103:17 – 106:22
• Horrible/Hilarious clips: 82:15 – 109:39
• Global healthcare: Chernobyl or Hungarian hospital: 107:00 – 109:40
• Konstantin’s “vaccine against stupidity” bit: 109:08 – 109:40

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Guest Plugs

• Francis Foster’s new book: "Uneducated: My Life as a Teacher, Why You Should Never Become One"
• Triggernometry Podcast (YouTube highly recommended)

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Tone & Style

• Language: Crass, direct, irreverently funny; deeply unfiltered.
• Dynamic: Wild riffing, competitive storytelling, friendly insults, exaggerated accents.
• Not for the faint of heart, but fans will appreciate the raw candor, cultural insights, and relentless humor.

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Summary Takeaway

This episode is peak Your Mom’s House—hilarious, vulgar, and unexpectedly insightful about the quirks that define us across cultures. If you ever wondered how Brits, Russians, and Americans view each other’s weirdness (and their mothers), or you crave a no-holds-barred conversation about trauma, bathroom habits, dictator psychology, death rituals, and who’s allowed to judge art, this is one you can’t miss.

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Transcript

[Francis Foster]

Well, welcome.

[Tom Segura]

Welcome to your mom's house. Zootopia 2 has come home to Disney Plus. Let's go get ready for a new case.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We're the greatest partners of all time. New friends, Gary the Snake and your last name, the Snake Dream team.

[Tom Segura]

The new habitats.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Zootopia has a secret reptile population.

[Tom Segura]

You can watch the record breaking phenomenon at home. Zootopia 2, now available on Disney. Rated PG. Right now you can get Disney plus and Hulu for just $4.99 a month for three months with a special limited time offer. Ends March 24. After three months, Plan Auto renews at $12.99 a month. Terms apply. There are white folks and then there are ignorant motherfuckers like you.

[Francis Foster]

My own damn fries.

[Tom Segura]

That's so crazy. That is our ex president. That's crazy. Now you know that guy ain't shit. You know I never believed you when you told me that. Yeah, I never believed you. And it really is. I think just now I just. I just. There are white folks and then there are ignorant like you six years ago. I didn't believe that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

More. No more.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You played that in Silver Lake, right?

[Tom Segura]

No, no. But from when. When I first played, he was like, yeah, sure, yeah. Sorry ass got nothing on me, right? Nothing. My bitch.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Nigger, can we please play this? Were you open with those? Are we rolling?

[Tom Segura]

We're rolling.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, good. Keep that in.

[Tom Segura]

All right. Yeah. That is crazy though.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Then they're ignorant mother effers like you.

[Tom Segura]

Do it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I miss Obama talking.

[Tom Segura]

There are white folks and then there are ignorant like you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, like you.

[Tom Segura]

Like you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He can't even talk. Cool black.

[Tom Segura]

I know. That's Obama.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That is not Obama.

[Tom Segura]

No, he. Yeah. So for people don't know, he did an audiobook before because he had written a book he writ. At this point, he's written several. And at that point it was talking about where he grew up. And so it's the audiobook from the book that he had written. And people were like, there's no way that that's him. And it's definitely him. Buy your own damn fries. That's President Obama.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

More and more.

[Tom Segura]

You know that guy ain't shit.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Now you know that guy ain't shit.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That's so great.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Why does he sound like a white guy pretending to be a black guy? So still like any say, now you know you ain't.

[Tom Segura]

Now you know you ain't.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

See, that sounds real.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Does it?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I mean, I'm halfway too. I feel like it doesn't really. But also. And he's not like a few years into being a senator, you know, so, like, he might just start speaking differently.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I wish Obama blacked it up now.

[Tom Segura]

In hindsight, I feel like he code switches pretty. He does code switch a lot. Yeah, he ain't bad. He does. You know, I mean, his handshake thing is super viral.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

May I see?

[Tom Segura]

He's like, he's like, hello to white people. And he's like, what's up? Like, Key and Peele did a whole sketch about it, but it's, it's a hundred percent true. You can see it all the time.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Yeah, I love it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Look at, look at how he, he greets. This is. Who's he greeting here? Yeah, this is like the.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, yeah, ok.

[Tom Segura]

Big time. And then this guy is like, how are you? How's it going?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, my vote.

[Tom Segura]

That guy kind of wanted it. Hello.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Hello. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Hello. Did I see if you back out of this? Were they asking him about it? In, in a. Scroll up. Look right there. The key and peel. You know, the handshake. You know, thinking that's like a, an accurate, accurate representation.

[Constantine Kissing]

Here's what happened. I'm going down the road, right? A lot of those guys, I knew for sure, It's Steph, it's LeBron. I've been knowing those guys forever.

[Tom Segura]

Coach Few I'd never met, and he

[Constantine Kissing]

put out his hand, and so I'm like, all right.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

I don't know. Is he going to be comfortable if I pull him into a, you know, bro hug? I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

So I just shook his hand.

[Constantine Kissing]

Kerr was right afterwards, and, and Steve. I knew.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

But the way, the way it played

[Tom Segura]

out, I will say it looked just like that. Key can't feel stiff. Did you know right away people were

[Christina Pazsitzky]

gonna make the comp?

[Constantine Kissing]

No, I, I, I had, you know, it wasn't conscious.

[Tom Segura]

He also just said, I've been knowing stuff.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, yeah, I know. I heard it. I've been knowing stuff.

[Tom Segura]

That's hilarious, dude.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I wish he would go full black.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he, he, we can handle it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Can't America handle full black now? Yeah, I feel like they could.

[Tom Segura]

I also feel like he's so, he's. This is such a nice departure from what we're used to seeing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

Like, this just feels like, oh, that's nice. That feels like a nice. You're like, oh, yeah, my uncle's awesome. Like, you haven't seen him in a while. It just feels comforting to hear him speak.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You Know, not like, everything's amazing. I'm so good at this.

[Tom Segura]

Big things today. Good things. Missiles that you wouldn't believe. Hit everything that we wanted to hit. We're going to be doing a lot of stuff. Okay, cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like, at least. Yeah. At least talk. Talk all presidential and stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You just can't. He can't even pretend to be normal.

[Tom Segura]

Guy has a fourth grade vocabulary.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, I even saw this thing Putin did for International Women's Day. I was like, the women, they work, but they are also so nice and feminine. How did they do this at the same time? Like, even Putin can hold it together and act like a. And everything.

[Tom Segura]

What is his accidental thing? Is he just like, what are we talking about? Women. This is in women's Day. This is like the unedited thing. Like, give me something to drink before I kill you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Give him some vodka.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, they accidentally released this. I'm sure he was thrilled about that gluing. I'm sure nobody got beheaded for doing that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's terrible.

[Tom Segura]

Ladies and gentlemen, I am very happy to congratulate you on International Women's Day.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

See?

[Tom Segura]

Ladies and gentlemen, I am sincerely pleased to congratulate you on the International Women's Day.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is not the clip.

[Tom Segura]

We always celebrate this holiday with the warmest and brightest feelings.

[Francis Foster]

We.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is not the way. It's. When me. There's women in the audience smiling lovingly. It's a recent one. It's like three days ago. That one. And the women are like, I love you, Putin. No, not this one. Yeah, this is. But, you know, they. But at least he can.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Pretend to be a sane, rational human. So this is how they go hard in Europe. They give women bouquets and. Yeah, but that's. This would be considered anti feminist to give women flowers here on women.

[Tom Segura]

It would be anti feminist. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They'd be like, what do you think? What do you need flowers for?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm just like, a man. I'm equal.

[Tom Segura]

Crazy broads all over the world, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I think. But this is also too. Right. Like, you think a bouquet of flowers is going to.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I mean, it's nice to get a bouquet. I'm sure they're like, the. Putin gave me my flowers. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. That.

[Tom Segura]

It's a special day.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. The Supreme Leader gives you.

[Tom Segura]

Let's give. Let's open the show with something cool. All right. Here you go. Did you ever go down on the girl? Well, I did.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm gonna throw up again last night.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Who is Randy? That was awesome. Don't bring anyone. Mother into this.

[Francis Foster]

Your mom in the stand. Welcome.

[Tom Segura]

Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura

[Christina Pazsitzky]

and Christina.

[Tom Segura]

Welcome to your mom's house. Did you ever go down on a girl? That was great, man. What's in his mouth?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Invisalign.

[Tom Segura]

That's not a whitening thing. I mean, they're making like. They're. They're really.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I just can't imagine he would have whitening trays.

[Tom Segura]

Like, I don't think so either. That's a good point. But it's like, what is going on? And what is.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, that's the perfect smile.

[Tom Segura]

Do you think he has the perfect smile? Do you think it stays in when he eats girls out?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I want to see who he's eating out. Don't you want to see who it is?

[Tom Segura]

It's definitely someone who's seen better days.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, for sure. Would you take him off? Oh, I'm so. I don't feel. You know what?

[Francis Foster]

Stop it.

[Tom Segura]

Here's the thing that. That a lot of people are missing from this is that he doesn't. He. He licks, but he also. Then he sucked on the clip.

[Francis Foster]

Oh,

[Christina Pazsitzky]

you know what? You're mom.

[Tom Segura]

All right. You okay?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I hate this.

[Tom Segura]

All right, we'll switch it up.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Why do you do that? I was having fun.

[Tom Segura]

I'm having fun.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We were talking about Obama. We're talking about Putin, Trump, and then this. Come on, dude. All you people don't understand how I feel about my fiance, Richard Gladstone Lovich. I want to be with him, and if any of you don't get back to me, something's wrong, and I will sue.

[Tom Segura]

Sue. Yeah, you do. I also was. I was telling some of the. Our great staff. I was like, do you think there are women right now watching, going, like, wait, someone proposed to her?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Absolutely.

[Tom Segura]

And like, I can't get shacked up. Like, absolutely.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There's someone for everyone.

[Tom Segura]

There really is.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like, yeah, But I love these clips where the woman is always like, he's mine.

[Tom Segura]

He's mine.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He chose me. He don't want you.

[Tom Segura]

Stop talking to him.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He. Yeah, I want to start making clips like that. I will sue. I will sue.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, I'm not. I'm. Who's talking to him? I gotta know. I wish I know the whole story.

[Tom Segura]

She's like, she's ready to sue you. I don't know if you can sue for that. I don't know if she knows the law well, but you can't really just

[Christina Pazsitzky]

sue for talking to my fiance.

[Tom Segura]

I Don't think so. You. You can try.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There's no legalities.

[Tom Segura]

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[Christina Pazsitzky]

Huh? Is this. Here's my question. Is this an ASMR video or is this a Porn video. I'm so confused.

[Tom Segura]

I feel like it's asmr. Soft porn, because I don't think it gets into porn stuff, but it's just seeing. Well, also, it's a. It's informative, it's educational. It's showing me how to break down some of that tissue because there's, you know, people. There's. There's a lot of muscle fibers in your chest, and this guy's working it out. You know any.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Have you gone to a masseuse like this before?

[Tom Segura]

No. No. I don't know what it is. Asmr. Gay, straight, softcore, hardcore. Whatever it is, it's wrong and I don't want any part to do with it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I can't believe. Also, too, which is really unique about this form of massage, is that he's sitting up. Usually you lay down.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Because this is terribly uncomfortable. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's as uncomfortable as watching people get the massages in the airport, or you just put your face in the chair and then everybody in the world watches.

[Tom Segura]

You would rather die. Well, just like porn, this is for the camera. So this really isn't about treatment. It's about. It's educating the public on how to do this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's performative as. As the people say.

[Tom Segura]

And the guy's just really rubbing the hell out of him, you know, standing over his back. It's the.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's not how you give a massage.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, no.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There's so much stuff on him. What is that stuff?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that also. I don't feel like that's massage oil. I think it's something else.

[Francis Foster]

I don't think so.

[Tom Segura]

What? After this, he's like, how you feel, bro? I don't know how it ends, but it feels like it would end. Well, it would probably end in another scene.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I would take off my wrist band before I touch.

[Tom Segura]

Well, he's got the mic there to speak to what you were saying. I think they want those sounds.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

All right.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, a lot of. A lot of grabbing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't like the sounds. I'm okay with the visuals, but the sound, I don't like it.

[Tom Segura]

I know. And a lot of people love the sounds, man. Yeah, the sounds is what gets people off sometimes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay. Yeah, I don't like it.

[Tom Segura]

I did see you had mentioned this. You. The Gene Simmons thing is. Is great. He's fascinating.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So I. Yeah, I came across. Here it is on tmz, because tmz,

[Tom Segura]

for people that don't know in la, a lot of times they'll go to, like, the Popular high end areas. And they just wait because stars come in and out of places like restaurants. Yeah, restaurants and stores, airports, stuff like that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

Right now Ben Stiller is calling out

[Christina Pazsitzky]

the President saying he doesn't want him to use his movie clips for war propaganda.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, it sounds like a lot

[Christina Pazsitzky]

of people are kind of, you know, criticizing Trump, like Hollywood right now, you know, over this war thing.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, because everybody in the world should listen what actors and comedians say because they're so qualified, basically.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Shut the F up.

[Tom Segura]

Do your art and shut up. Nobody's interested in your opinions. That includes me, who I vote for, who I like. Who the f do you think you are?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

People in America work hard for their living and they don't want to be

[Tom Segura]

lectured to by people who live in mansions and drive Rolls Royces. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Thank you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he's right, Prez.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Right there.

[Tom Segura]

He's right there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Jean Simmons, it's time for everybody in

[Tom Segura]

the entertainment industry to shut their pie hole and just do your art. Nobody cares what you think. I don't.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay.

[Francis Foster]

What.

[Tom Segura]

What will Mark Ruffalo, however the he pronounces his name.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Ruffalo.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, Ruffalo Buffalo.

[Constantine Kissing]

How.

[Tom Segura]

What does Mark think about politics? I don't care.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So you think celebrities should stay out of the politic? Talk.

[Tom Segura]

Well, we both agree.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay, Yeah, I know.

[Constantine Kissing]

Or.

[Tom Segura]

Or go to Kylie Jenner and ask her what she thinks of the war so far. That was great.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Friend to the show. Gene Simmons. He is always a king, a lord, a true lord. Well, he's Hungarian.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's one of my tribe. They don't give a food.

[Tom Segura]

Nope, Definitely not.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But first of all, we didn't even talk about it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Are you on your period?

[Tom Segura]

It actually just started. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I've had mine for two days.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What are you doing for cramps?

[Tom Segura]

Midol.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Midol. How much you taking?

[Tom Segura]

Six.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And what about. What else do you.

[Tom Segura]

I take ibuprofen and I take some Advil, too.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah? That's a lot.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Your liver is probably.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What are you using these days?

[Tom Segura]

For what?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

For the flow.

[Tom Segura]

What do you think?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I heard. I saw the Diva cup in your bathroom.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I mean, I kind of rotate, you know, between pads and tampons.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What about the Diva Cup?

[Tom Segura]

I don't use the Diva Cup.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But I saw you.

[Tom Segura]

I was interested, but I. I lost interest. You use it?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, it's kind of messy. It collects the blood, and then you pour the blood into the toilet and you rinse out the cup and then use it again. Man, I know it sounds horrific. No, I was surprised that you were in.

[Tom Segura]

I farted. I wanted to tell you this. I farted at the gym this morning. And Sean was like, oh, my God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I go, what? He goes, dude, he goes, do you need to sit on the toilet? And I go, I think so. He was right. I did.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He was right.

[Tom Segura]

I did.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, let me ask you this.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You woke up this morning, you drink. I'm assuming you drank your coffee, you didn't ship before the gym. You take a loaded.

[Tom Segura]

It wasn't ready. How can you. If it's not ready, it's not ready.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, but I don't know how you do that.

[Tom Segura]

But it wasn't ready. And then I ate, so I had coffee, then I ate. And then, like, I could have waited around, but I was like, I'll just go. And when I got there, it still wasn't ready. So I started. And then I was like, it's almost ready.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But your shit takes so long. I imagine it cuts into your fitness time.

[Tom Segura]

No, it didn't take that long.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It takes 30 minutes for you to shit when you're home. The kids. It's funny.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, you do it fast when. When you're on your own clock.

[Tom Segura]

No, I had to clean. I have to clean myself. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

How did you clean at the gym?

[Tom Segura]

What do you. How do you think?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You just use dirty ass, dry toilet?

[Tom Segura]

No, Sean does it. That's why it takes long.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You farted last night. You and I have exactly, like, 10 minutes alone when we have our children around.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And I was so happy because they were, like, in the bath last night, and I'm like, come sit next to me. Let's catch up. I love you. I want to see you. I want to know you, girl. And then you go, I got a fart. And then you blow a fart. And it stinks. It smells so bad. And I'm like, you can't just. The 10 minutes I have with you. Is there just a time when there's no farts or.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. Sometimes it's just how life goes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

How life goes?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Sometimes you just walk into a. A new page, new chapter of life, and the first thing you do is fart. You know? Okay. It's not unique to me. I think it's everybody.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Whatever, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Now people are asking me every day if I won a medal. And I'm like, what are you talking about? They're like, you got a medal? And then I realized that I forgot that I competed.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

Look at me.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You look great. Got that lip lick.

[Tom Segura]

Look at this guy's shot, though.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Canadians love this shit,

[Tom Segura]

bro.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's a good shot. You did so well.

[Tom Segura]

I did so. To those of you asked, I did win.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That is a silly sport, though, isn't it? Is this curling?

[Tom Segura]

I think that's curling, isn't it?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Shuffleboard. What? But they don't have shuffleboard. Don't they have the guys that go,

[Tom Segura]

oh, yeah, that's correct. Something.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's not that.

[Tom Segura]

You're right. I don't know what this is.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But anyway, whatever this is, it's a shuffle.

[Tom Segura]

Well, whoever that is, that looks like me. Congratulations. And that was amazing. That was an incredible shot, sir.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Also, you know, we didn't say this last time, and I was so saddened by the death of Robert Carradine from Revenge of the Nerds. He plays the. The big nerd. What's his fucking name? Arvin. No, that was. That was from head of the class. Sorry, guys. Revenge the Nerds. So funny. And that movie really changed my life. I watched it maybe a million times growing up. Did you love that one as much as me? Oh, yeah. Lewis. That was his character, Louis Skolnick. So funny. And you know what sucks? You can't even find this movie now because it's so politically incorrect that they. You can't find it. I have to watch it in pieces on YouTube when I want to watch it.

[Tom Segura]

Really? You can't find this anymore.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They won't. The.

[Tom Segura]

Nobody will touch it because he was 71.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

Damn.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And his. You know whose brother was David Carradine?

[Tom Segura]

That was David Carradine's brother.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Right. And then, you know how David Carradine died? Was it stroking J and his D and choking himself?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And then he died from that.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, that happens. Just like a fart. Sometimes things happen. Look at that photo of him. That's.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, it looks cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He was so funny. I. I love this movie so much. One time I got to meet Booger at Gelson's and I almost lost my.

[Tom Segura]

Did you really?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I met him at the salad bar, Gelson's in la.

[Tom Segura]

Did you chat him up?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, I was just like, booger. Like, I can't.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't care about anybody except, like, Booger from Revenge. The Nerds. Yeah. I don't know who else, even. Maybe Anthony Bourdain.

[Tom Segura]

That burp. Remember the burp?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And then he's like, oh, God, so funny. So funny.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Anyway, he had the great laugh. Robert carried it. That was his little thing.

[Tom Segura]

I can't believe that's David Carradine's brother.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Am I right about that? I might just be lying.

[Tom Segura]

No, you're right. Wow. Wow.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Could you imagine dying from Jang or D? How embarrassing that is for your. Your family?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, for them, yeah. For you. It doesn't matter. You're dead.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Please don't die that way.

[Tom Segura]

I won't. I'll try not to. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

As the season shifts to spring, the time to clean out and spruce up your space is now. And Wayfair gets that. That's why they have something for every size, style and vibe you're going for at home. Whether you're in the market for mid century modern farmhouse or vampiric lair, Wayfair has plenty to choose from without breaking the bank. Especially with all of their filters, reviews and visuals, it's super easy to narrow down and find the pieces you'd actually want in your place. From furniture upgrades and functional decor to storage solutions and playroom organization, Wayfair makes it to where you don't have to sacrifice functionality for style, which is crucial if you're anything like me and have to consider whether or not your furniture can double as a jungle gym. And boy do I know it. Because we have a coffee table from Wayfair that is both a coffee table and something for my kids to climb on without their shoes on. It's great. Find furniture, decor and essentials that fit your unique style and budget. Head to Wayfair.com right now to shop all things home. That's W A Y-F A I R.com Wayfair Every style, every home spring starts

[Tom Segura]

at the Home Depot and we are bringing the heat to your backyard this season. Fire up the flavor with our wide variety of grills for under $300. Like the next grill 4 burner gas

[Constantine Kissing]

grill that's perfect for hosting your spring cookout.

[Tom Segura]

Then set the scene and turn your outdoor space into the go to spot the patio sets for every budget. Bring it this season with grills that deliver flavor and patios that set the vibe from the Home Depot.

[Constantine Kissing]

Start your spring with low prices guaranteed

[Tom Segura]

at the Home Depot. Exclusions applies to homedepot.com price match for details.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's a dangerous one, babe. So embarrassing.

[Tom Segura]

Stroking it man. That's awesome.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Everybody knows too. You were J and your D. I know the guy from INXS died that way too.

[Tom Segura]

That's right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Sexy lead singer guy choking his chicken and choking himself out too. Do you think he at Least got to nut before he died.

[Tom Segura]

That's the real question. Because if you're right there and then you die, maybe it doesn't matter. But if. If you could start to feel it and you're like, oh, and then die. That's a. That's a dream come true.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Perfect.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That's perfect.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I think God lets you come before he kills you with.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. I think he.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, I think God intervenes. The angels intervene.

[Tom Segura]

There he is. Well, this is a perfect transition. This is literally what I was going towards, so. David Carradine died in 09 at 72 in a Bangkok, Thailand, hotel room. Determined he died accidental. Autoerotic asphyxiation. He was found naked with cords tied around his neck. And genitals.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And genitals, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And he was 72.

[Francis Foster]

Wow.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

72.

[Tom Segura]

Still going. Oh, he was in the. He was in Thailand to film the movie Stretch, which is a pretty interesting name for. For a movie. The literal thing I had picked up here was Thailand, because this is a great story out of Thailand. Thailand. A lot of cool things happen. They have also. They have great food, they have great beaches, but cool things can happen there. And one of the things that people go there for is surgeries. And this guy was arrested for performing penis enlargements in his car. He admitted having no medical license and said he learned the techniques from online videos, which, again, ChatGPT is awesome. YouTube's amazing. They're great resources. It's crazy that you could learn that and then be like, do you want me to make your dick bigger? And you're like, yeah, but what's crazier

[Christina Pazsitzky]

is that someone goes, yeah, yeah, meet me in the car.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, there's a Toyota Corolla parked around the backside.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know. It's not even the back of, like, a Rolls Royce. And he's like, shit, normal car.

[Tom Segura]

This is my stuff.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So insanity.

[Tom Segura]

The suspect promoted his services on Tik Tok, offering treatments such as penis enlargement, circumcision, and pearl implant.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Cool.

[Tom Segura]

He was charged with practicing medicine without registration, an offense punishable by up to three years in jail. Just three years in jail or $1100 fine

[Christina Pazsitzky]

for mutilating men's penises. That's it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Imagine, like, your fault when you're like, hey, this doesn't look right. He's like, well, I learned it online, dude. I'm not a doctor. And you're like, oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. I gave you 40 bucks.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Don't you think that three years and eleven hundred dollars is not significant enough of a punishment for impersonating a doctor.

[Tom Segura]

I think it's insane.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Surgerizing, people.

[Tom Segura]

It's insane. This guy is a lunatic, dude.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But imagine how. Oh, God, that would be so sad.

[Tom Segura]

That'd be desperate crazy to do.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I want to see his work though.

[Tom Segura]

Like police.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

See if any. If any of it was good.

[Tom Segura]

Doubt it. They seized 189 pearling beads and round cubic bean heart capsule and Chinese bun shapes from his car. He also had medical equipment, anesthetics and surgical instruments in his car. Pearling is the insertion of small beads under the skin of the penis to create ridges that boost friction during sex.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Cool.

[Tom Segura]

Doctors warn it can lead to long term complications, including scar tissue, chronic pain, penile dysfunction, in addition to possible infection, which you might get in the back seat of a car. It's not a sterile environment. Holy man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, look, that's all his wares. Yeah, those are all his gems.

[Tom Segura]

He charged ten grand for penal. Ten grand baht, though, for penal enlargement, which I'm not sure.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What is that?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, what is bot. Jesus Christ. Oh, my God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Not America, I'll tell you that.

[Tom Segura]

300 bucks make my dick bigger. Here's $300.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But how does he make it bigger? The beads don't make it big.

[Tom Segura]

That's a different thing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's a different procedure.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he's not gonna give away all his secrets in this video.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Does he give you a menu?

[Tom Segura]

What do you want me to do?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Which one you like? It's a bad.

[Tom Segura]

That's what. Look at that. That's on the back seat of a car. Let me. Give me your dick. God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Men are desperate.

[Tom Segura]

That's what I was gonna say. How desperate are you, Dude? Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You wouldn't even eat. Remember Grey Poupon? They used to eat that in the back of a Rolls Royce.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. This guy, he's like, what?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Dick out?

[Tom Segura]

I put some plastic down. It's fine.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's got the.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I washed my hands this morning. After I.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Look, he's barefoot.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, of course.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Tell me a sound that's better than this. Have you seen that meme? This girl and she's like, call me crazy, but I don't like store bought pesto. And then everybody goes, susie, that is crazy. Also, one time my brother smoked a lot of crack. Stories.

[Tom Segura]

A real crazy story.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, that is crazy, Susie.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Don't you yearn to be that innocent?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You're like, I just. I give anything to be that naive.

[Tom Segura]

How much would it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That happy?

[Tom Segura]

How much would it Cost to get you to spend one night.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Here in the pigeon house.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is my uncle's house. This is sheelf.

[Tom Segura]

How much would it take? It's just covered in pigeon and feathers.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. This is definitely eastern block.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, feels like it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Of course, this is Ukraine somewhere.

[Tom Segura]

It's Russia.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Russia. Wait,

[Francis Foster]

wait.

[Tom Segura]

Can you imagine? You're away for three years. You're like, I'm finally going home. This is what you walk into.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's just a Russian man returned to his apartment after three years and found it packed with pigeons. That's why you don't want to leave a window open.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, damn.

[Tom Segura]

What would it take, though? Oh, I'd live there for a night.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Not a big deal.

[Tom Segura]

This is not a big deal.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is not problem. I love pigeons. Can I tell you what I'm doing in our house, by the way? Not only am I feeding squirrels.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I put a bird feeder. Now I put the bird seat out in front of our live. Our window in our bedroom.

[Tom Segura]

I think your opinion would change if that window was open.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm gonna leave it open, just see

[Tom Segura]

what happens in the house.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I also want to befriend raccoons. I hear that they're wanting to be domesticated.

[Tom Segura]

Well, they're. They're in the yard. You know that, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know. I'm working on it. What do you think? Leaves the trash open for them every night?

[Tom Segura]

Leaves it open for them?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. I unlock it. You guys put the stupid lock on there. Open that right back up. Come. Come to me, friends.

[Tom Segura]

Yep, that's cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is lovely. Segue from Russia to my people play this. This girl Chernobyl or Hungarian hospital. I see that this building is in a quite bad condition. And to be fair, it looks completely abandoned. So I'm quite certain that this is Chernobyl. This is a Hungarian hospital.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This building looks like it went through a lot. I don't think that this is in Hungary. Even for Hungary, this would be way too bad. So I'm gonna go with Chernobyl. I got three. But this is a Hungarian hospital, too.

[Francis Foster]

I would say that this looks bad,

[Christina Pazsitzky]

but it's pretty standard for toilets in Hungarian hospitals to look like this or

[Francis Foster]

be in similar conditions.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So I'm gonna go with Hungarian hospital on this one. And this is indeed a Hungarian hospital. This building doesn't even have walls, so it must be Chernobyl. If you guess Chernobyl here, like I did, then you were wrong. This is a Hungarian hospital.

[Tom Segura]

Jesus Christ.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is why you don't want to Go to a Hungarian hospital.

[Tom Segura]

That's terrifying.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do you know that in the summer of 1994, I ate too many Mentos when I was staying in Hungary and I gave myself a cavity. And it got worse, worser and worse and worser. Rather than go to a Hungarian dentist,

[Tom Segura]

I just waited until.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Jesus, it needed to be root canaled. When I got home, I was not even going to the dentist there. You don't want to end up in a Hungarian hospital and anything medical.

[Tom Segura]

But like I was in Budapest and like, it looks really nice in a lot of parts. It's all like that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, that's cuz you're probably staying in bud. Like Budapest, like the central touristy part. But then you just go a little bit outside.

[Tom Segura]

There's got to be nice hospitals.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't know, I've never. I've never seen one. They don't really have air. Like my grandma when Nana died, it was in summer and they didn't have air conditioning in the hospital. And this was in 2003 or so, no AC. And we had to bribe the nurses to just like, hey, look after her.

[Tom Segura]

Jesus.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It was really bad. I don't know. That's been a while since.

[Tom Segura]

That's really crazy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Chernobyl or Hungarian hospital. Amazing. This is why we're married. Just when I think I hate you for playing that opening clip, then you redeem yourself. That was. Why do we love this so much?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Why do I like this so much?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

God, this is amazing, babe.

[Tom Segura]

By the way. By the way, for people that are unaware, don't forget that next month. April.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know it's tax. Tax month. Yeah, Tax day's coming up. I thought because of that. If you're not yet thinking about it, there's some things you really have to pay attention to if you're not that savvy. And to help you out, I pulled some stuff from a tax consultant just to get you up to speed and ready to file.

[Francis Foster]

Move her around from behind so that

[Constantine Kissing]

the pussy grips your dick and that's

[Tom Segura]

the way it feels good.

[Constantine Kissing]

You gotta do that, man.

[Tom Segura]

And that's a Brooklyn Ralph.

[Constantine Kissing]

That is A Brooklyn rap.

[Tom Segura]

April 15th is tax day. So don't forget. Don't forget, you know, it's important. Otherwise. Otherwise, you know, you don't get an extension. Now you're in penalties. You want the IRS coming after you? I don't think so. I like hitting it from behind. You can get the pussy to grab

[Christina Pazsitzky]

you better when you're going from behind.

[Tom Segura]

You Know what I mean? Yes. So I like to do that from behind.

[Constantine Kissing]

It doesn't matter if she gotta.

[Tom Segura]

She gotta have a flat stomach, right?

[Constantine Kissing]

But it's even. She could be big boned or whatever.

[Tom Segura]

No, race, doesn't matter. I don't care about. You just gotta look good, affect me and that's it. And respect me and then you get it from behind. That's. There it is. Fideli and Associates. Proven integrity, unmatched value, uncompromising results. That's our guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I hate you so much.

[Tom Segura]

Go to that first page. That image right there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, he looks great. No, that's a hot. That's a hot photo. I. I will. I think he's very attractive. He's a good, really good care of him.

[Tom Segura]

He does take good care of him.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I think that. Look, he. He deserves all the pussy that he's getting. I don't think that like he takes good care of himself. He runs marathons and stuff, right? Doesn't he run?

[Tom Segura]

Look at that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Hair lifts. His hair is amazing.

[Tom Segura]

Incredible. Yeah, he's a.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's got a nice website.

[Tom Segura]

If you want results, you know who to go to.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I would date this man.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you should.

[Francis Foster]

Dude.

[Tom Segura]

I just want you to know, women don't go to the bathroom to go to the bathroom. They go to the bathroom to scheme,

[Constantine Kissing]

to strategize, to figure out how they're

[Tom Segura]

going to do their next kill. Okay? That's what they do. And they talk to each other about it and then they come back out and they look like they washed their hands.

[Francis Foster]

But.

[Tom Segura]

Or they did. It was. Yeah, but you got to get the. To grip.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You stop with this.

[Tom Segura]

Also, if you have 1099s, remember, that's different than W too. So you got to think, are you an independent contractor? Are you an employee? Just think about. Why don't we take a quick break?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

We'll be right back.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Having fun. Oh my God. Which is my camera? Hi. I never introduce people, but Tom's lighting me today because I love these two gents so much. All the way from England, from London. Put your hands together for Francis Foster and Constantine Kissing. Did I say it right? Triggerometry podcast. Clap for yourself.

[Constantine Kissing]

Clap here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You guys are so self effacing. Anyway, I did your podcast, Triggerometry, and it went hugely viral. And I wanted to have you guys on the show because I think what you do is so important, which is just talk openly about what's happening in the world. And I don't know, Europeans have a tighter asshole than we do about things.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just demonstrate. Yep.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, Brits, traditionally upper class is like. Like, you know, don't say much.

[Francis Foster]

Oh, no, no, no. They don't say much. And then you have the working classes, but they say a lot, particularly after a few drinks.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

So you will meet an upper class Brit and you'll think to yourself, like, how did you conquer the empire?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

Like, you chinless. Absolutely no backbone to you whatsoever. And then you meet the working classes.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

And they're terrified.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah. And that's what you guys are.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes. Yes.

[Constantine Kissing]

That's what America is, right?

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Constantine Kissing]

All the crazy. Go after it. Take a risk people.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

And religious, you know, Lunatics.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, a little bit.

[Francis Foster]

And you like fighting.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, Americans love fighting. Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But you guys like stabbing.

[Francis Foster]

Yes. That's what we do. That's part of our culture. Don't you dare shit on my culture.

[Tom Segura]

No. Yeah. No. And we won't. We won't take your culture. But, yeah, stabbing is like. I respect it so much. Like, whenever I hear about a stabbing in London, I'm like, kudos. Because, like, you really, you have to have. Have rage. You have to get in close. You can't do it from a distance. You got to get right up on somebody. It takes heart. It takes bravery.

[Francis Foster]

And that's why you Americans don't enjoy it, because it's physical exercise.

[Tom Segura]

It's right. That's why we are so fat.

[Constantine Kissing]

You're, like, lazy. I want to sit here and just go.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's so much easier. You can sit in a. In a lazy boy and. And just pick people off.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

You know, like the drive by. The laziest form of execution ever.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, I never thought about that. It is so lazy. Crazy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

You literally recline.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

And then you shoot.

[Tom Segura]

And then you're like, hey, slow down.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then roll the window down, which is a button. Yeah. Boom. And then you, like, hit the gas. Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

And then you drive off. How many calories do you expend in one of those bad boys?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, also, you're probably making a fast food stop because you're in the car. So you hit the drive through before or after.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's brilliant.

[Tom Segura]

It's a really good move.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Chick fly.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, It's a fat move. It's very American.

[Constantine Kissing]

It is a good setup you got here.

[Tom Segura]

And you guys don't have that problem.

[Francis Foster]

No.

[Constantine Kissing]

It's kind of hard to do a drive by stabbing.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know, but you're not as fat as we are either. In London, you guys are Both living. Just so people know you're living in London. Konstantin, you're from Russia originally.

[Constantine Kissing]

Shout out hello, my friend.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But you moved to where, Scotland when you were.

[Constantine Kissing]

No, no, I. My parents sent me to school in England and then I went to university in Scotland.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

University.

[Constantine Kissing]

College, college, college.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I went to college and then Francisco.

[Francis Foster]

My mother's from Venezuela.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's right. You got a Latin mother, too.

[Francis Foster]

I know, I know. We share the damage.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You know, they're fucking nuts.

[Francis Foster]

Oh, my God. Like, I remember, like my, you know. Did you ever have this where you saw your mates talking to their English or American mums and they'd give them attitude and I'd be like, oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

Well, we shit on my mom pretty hard most of the time. My friends were like, what, is your maid taking care of stuff right now? That's my mom. And they're like, what? No, I mean, my mom was also super Catholic. And so my. My stuff was usually like, hey, this drive in the car is longer than 10 minutes. We're praying the rosary. Fuck. But, yeah, no, so your mom. There was no back. Talk to your mom.

[Francis Foster]

Oh, my God. No, like, my mom is like. My mom is a mix. I love her, but she's a mix of people that you don't want to put together. Like, half Arabic quarter, Sicilian quarter, Turkish Cypriot.

[Constantine Kissing]

Very mentally stable.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, very like. Yeah. She's literally in the corner of a room like nitroglycerin, about to like, fucking.

[Tom Segura]

She's got a fuse on her.

[Francis Foster]

Oh, mate, no, she doesn't have a fuse. It's like light bang.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, my mom's. My mom pops off pretty crazy.

[Constantine Kissing]

Well, you know what? I used to think Francis is the least Latino looking man who has Latino genetics in the world. But I think you take. You're at the top of that. Maybe you think so you're a level above.

[Tom Segura]

I know. I'm a halfy. I'm a full halfyear man. And she looks very Latin. My mom looks very Latin.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, you guys are both very pinky.

[Tom Segura]

You know, I got you. Probably same thing happened to you, which is I have two siblings, they have more like olive complexion, so they got those genetic. I got my dad's skin and like. So I.

[Francis Foster]

Here's the thing is your dad. Does your dad have Irish genetics?

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Francis Foster]

That shit bleaches everything. Yeah, yeah, it bleaches everything. You're going to come out full Patty if you've got Irish.

[Tom Segura]

I do, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's totally what it is, Mom.

[Tom Segura]

That's Charo.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, she looks nice, but I mean,

[Tom Segura]

she's old as now, but like, she looks different. Obviously growing up different. Yeah, yeah, she's. She's constantly.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know what I've realized though?

[Tom Segura]

Your mom hit you up for cash a lot.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, all the time.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, now, you guys know it's a. It's how it works.

[Constantine Kissing]

But is that a Latin thing or is just a mom thing?

[Tom Segura]

I think it's. I think it might be a mom thing, but it's. I think it's driven up more in Latin America. It's like, especially if you're the boy. They're like, yeah, what's up? Like, take care of. I need a phone. I'm like, you need a phone? Yeah, like, yeah, I need a new iPhone. I'm like, go get one. She's like, no, you get it. I'm like, why?

[Francis Foster]

Because I gave birth to you?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, always. I'm. You're here because of me. I'm like, so what got you a car? You can't buy a phone. Like, that's most of our conversations.

[Francis Foster]

Oh, absolutely. I remember once I took my mum for lunch. She goes, you're doing well. I'm like, yes. She goes, okay. Lobster ravioli.

[Tom Segura]

Is your mom from Caracas?

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, yeah, she's from Caracas, yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You speak Spanish too, right? You do. Like a Spaniard, dude.

[Constantine Kissing]

It's very helpful for navigating Ubers.

[Tom Segura]

So many situations that you don't realize when you're young, as you get older, like, you know, you're just. You're just in these situations where somebody manning whatever the door, the place that you want to get into is a Latin guy, like, and you just start speaking, at least here in the States, and you just are given access because of that, being able to speak to them.

[Constantine Kissing]

Well, I was in El Paso a couple of years back and I didn't meet a single person for like two days who, who didn't speak Spanish as the, the first language.

[Tom Segura]

El Paso is another level though, right? That's a proper border town.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But you guys have the Pollocks are your Latins, is that right? Like, I remember being in restaurants and being like, whoa. Like your wait staff is like a Polish, like a pretty Polish.

[Constantine Kissing]

That would have probably been before Brexit.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes.

[Constantine Kissing]

To more than 10 years ago.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes.

[Constantine Kissing]

Right? Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

What is your guys opinion on Brexit?

[Constantine Kissing]

Well, it hasn't really done anything. Like, everyone thinks like the people who thought it was going to be bad miraculously haven't changed their mind. The people who thought it was Going to be great. They're not happy that it, like, it hasn't happened the way they wanted. But I don't think it's actually done as much as people think. You see what I'm saying?

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

I mean, like, it was quite inconsequential, actually.

[Tom Segura]

The most annoying thing probably is, like, travel stuff, right? Like, doesn't traveling become, like, wait in

[Constantine Kissing]

line for a tiny bit longer, like.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Constantine Kissing]

It's like, a big deal.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

It hasn't been a big deal.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

After all that fighting for, like, 10

[Tom Segura]

years now, it's like, okay, it's still.

[Constantine Kissing]

It was. It didn't seem to have been over a lot, you know?

[Francis Foster]

You know, wildest thing about Brexit is that people ended their marriages about Brexit.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, yeah.

[Francis Foster]

Because someone voted Brexit. Can you imagine being a dude now? Waking up in a bed sit, like, you barely see your kids. You've lost your house.

[Tom Segura]

You've lost pretty much over Brexit.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah. Yeah. Like, and 10 years on and, like, nobody gives a fuck anymore.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Nobody cares. But they should care about Prince Andrew. What the fuck is happening? Epstein files. We know. Bert Kreischer's in the files. Yes. True story. Bert Kreischer's in the Epstein files.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's true.

[Francis Foster]

What did he do?

[Tom Segura]

He hasn't said yet, but he's in them. If you search the Justice Department, it's in them.

[Constantine Kissing]

How? What does it say?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Don't ask questions.

[Tom Segura]

It's just. There's results.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There's results.

[Tom Segura]

I guess. I don't know. Friend. He's a friend of a friend, I guess. I don't know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But it does sound like you guys are going after the creeps in the Epstein files. Like, didn't your prime minister get. Wait, are you. You're allowed to talk about this stuff, right?

[Tom Segura]

No. They're going to get arrested.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You guys were. No, because when I was on their podcast, they were nervous because there's certain things you can't say in Europe, right?

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah. I mean, we were mostly joking.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

And also. Also, we have. What we have is very stringent libel laws. So, like, if you talk about somebody and it's not true, you can get sued for that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay.

[Constantine Kissing]

And that's basically all you. All you guys do, right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's what podcasting is. Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah. So we're gonna have that clenched butthole that you talked about right at the start.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

As we do this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Allegedly.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah. If you put allegedly, then you're fine.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Prince Andrew allegedly in the Epstein.

[Tom Segura]

No, he is in the Epstein.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He's not even a lazy.

[Francis Foster]

He is the Epstein foil.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Allegedly taking.

[Tom Segura]

That was like his homie.

[Francis Foster]

The guy didn't have a job. He had to do something.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. What's he gonna do? Also, if you're. If you have access to everything and you get, you get bored, you're like, well, what's some like new cool.

[Francis Foster]

I can go to Absolutely.

[Tom Segura]

You know, this island.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

There you go.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's such a good looking fella.

[Tom Segura]

That's printing there. He is talking about economics.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah. But you know what's interesting about like Andrew and someone wrote this article on it. It's that like he's never been charged with it. Well, he's been charged with stuff now, but like he's never been convicted. He's never. These allegations, they look serious.

[Tom Segura]

Those girls are old, by the way. I don't know.

[Francis Foster]

God, I mean.

[Tom Segura]

So I'm sorry, but you said he's never been convicted. Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

So he's never been convicted of anything.

[Constantine Kissing]

Why are we defending Prince?

[Francis Foster]

Yeah. This is what I'm here for.

[Constantine Kissing]

What's going on?

[Francis Foster]

Listen, we are a hedge for dogs podcast. We put the alternative point point of view.

[Tom Segura]

That's right.

[Francis Foster]

Okay. But the reason everybody hates him is that anybody who's ever encountered him knows he's a massive.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

So they're like, you know what?

[Tom Segura]

Him, Him.

[Constantine Kissing]

You know, you know, also think it's because everyone kind of knows that he's allegedly not innocent.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah. Do you know what I think?

[Constantine Kissing]

I think that's probably the bigger part.

[Tom Segura]

But it doesn't help when you're. No, that doesn't always a thing in life. It's like when somebody is kind of a. And then something bad happens, everyone's like, fuck him. You know? But if you have this great way about you and people like you, it does help.

[Francis Foster]

Like Michael Jackson. Great guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh my God.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

People are still defending him.

[Tom Segura]

Could sing, did some dancing. Great guy. Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

That's what Prince Andrew needed to do just to do some good. Good singing, good dancing, make a hit. Fuck. Yeah, exactly. Do whatever you want after that.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, exactly. If he wrote Billie Jean, we wouldn't be having this conversation.

[Tom Segura]

Thousand percent.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But he was mummy's favorite.

[Tom Segura]

That is a fun list, by the way. When you go through the list of like celebrities who have done something terrible and you go, but like how good are they at their talent?

[Constantine Kissing]

Right.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then you're like, so true. Like when people shit on Kevin Spacey, like he's I'm like, yeah, but I mean, I would love to see him starring in things again. The guy's phenomenal.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Isn't he going to play Epstein?

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Great.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I swear, I think there is something that he was being caste that is

[Constantine Kissing]

genius casting, but for his brand management, that would not be the move I'd make.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Hollywood does not give a fuck. He'll be back and work in a note.

[Constantine Kissing]

But I'm saying he was found not guilty. Sorry. He was not guilty as well, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

He had, like.

[Tom Segura]

He has, like, a big civil thing. Right. He had to pay a lot of money to somebody.

[Constantine Kissing]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

I think that's what happened to him. He is back working again, but he's obviously been knocked down a few pegs. But I'm like, talented, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

R. Kelly's in prison. I would love for them to get a keyboard in there because. Unbelievable.

[Constantine Kissing]

It's the best of both. Both worlds.

[Tom Segura]

It's unbelievable.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Exactly.

[Constantine Kissing]

Right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes.

[Constantine Kissing]

He gets to pay for his crimes. And we still get the music.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

Everybody's happy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Imagine how heartfelt that shit's gonna be.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, oh, yeah. You're gonna hear some. Some. He's gonna reach down and I'm sitting

[Christina Pazsitzky]

in my cell because you know how he just does, like, stream of consciousness.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That's when he got lazier. That's when he got lazier.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And I'm walking to the thing talk, singing, yeah, girl, get your passport. We're going to be with that man.

[Tom Segura]

And you're like, what is that? Jesus. But he's talented, dude. That guy, he's a savant.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I always think savant means who else

[Tom Segura]

is a piece of. That's talented?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like, I mean, Woody Allen, last episode, he. I did. Look, I think. I think his movies get repetitive and annoying, but was he talented? Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

Chris Brown seems to be in the lineup here.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, everyone's still obviously mad about him just putting his fucking fists on Rihanna. But again, you know, guy can really fucking move.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She's so pretty.

[Francis Foster]

But here's my favorite Chris Brown story is he went on stage in Ireland, in Dublin, right? And he goes, ah, this is such an honor for me to be playing England.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I was like, a lot of people don't know, man. You could play that clip for a lot of people here, and they'd be like, okay.

[Francis Foster]

And the Irish weren't happy about.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, no. Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

They tend to get quite fe. They're not happy. I don't know if, you know, they get real fights.

[Tom Segura]

Polanski. I've always thought was the biggest turd of a person.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's a piece of.

[Tom Segura]

Great director. Great director.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Made some good movies.

[Tom Segura]

Dude.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What about Bill Cosby? That was the saddest one that we lost.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah, dude. You know what? This is a much better podcast than ours. They just sit and talk about who's a piece of shit. We should do that. Yeah, it's much better. Just keep saying yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Cosby alleged piece of.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, allegedly.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

Apparently one of the all time great est stand ups ever. Yeah, like undeniably.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I would argue like Eddie, without question. Eddie Murphy. Prior Cosby. Harlan.

[Francis Foster]

Because Prior, as you know, he copied Cosby when he started out.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, everybody, Cosby. Cosby is absolutely. Whoa, stop scrolling, stop scrolling. Cosby is the original. Like that guy could can talk about what he did in the morning, getting ready and having breakfast and have an hour special that you will be like, that was the most amazing. Like that guy is such an incredible storyteller in comic and you know, he had a thing for whatever serving drinks. Now Weinstein, I would say is probably the best guy of all because he. Yeah, he did some dirty stuff. Stuff. But again, as a producer, these are incredible movies, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Have you noticed the backlash with Tarantino these days?

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So many actresses are coming out and being like he's a piece.

[Tom Segura]

He's also the most. But he's like, he's gotten. He does something that you allegedly. Allegedly in Hollywood. Really? Which is like a list guy being like, hey, you suck. Like it's just. Which is kind of. It's very entertaining because you usually those guys, it's just like a publicist maybe puts out a statement. You're like, this is just bullshit. He is fully just being like, that guy sucks. You suck. That movie sucked because you were in it. Like he's really just lighting people up. It's kind of fun.

[Constantine Kissing]

My suspicion of him. He's a foot guy though, isn't he? Yeah, those guys are the darkest. Have you ever seen that meme about like ass guy, tits guy and foot guy?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No.

[Constantine Kissing]

Tell me there's a meme online if your team can find it. It's the funniest thing ever. It's like, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, they can find it.

[Constantine Kissing]

It's a crack team. It's worth it. It'.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But anyway, foot guys, they're the dirtiest, grossest, most degenerate.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah, but you know there's like a website that, that a friend of ours who's female who is on that website.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, I'm on their wiki Feet Right.

[Constantine Kissing]

You're right. I was gonna ask you if you're on there. No, that's not the meme. It's like. It's like a Simpsons meme or something like that. It looks. Yeah, the foot. The foot guy is, like, super creepy.

[Tom Segura]

Lose Tarantino. It's not about him. Him. Right. It's just about.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah, no, no, not Tarantino. And maybe. Yeah, yeah. There you go, Boob, guys. The third one from the left.

[Tom Segura]

There we go, guys.

[Francis Foster]

But to be fair to Tarantino, he always embraced his sleaziness. Like, he never played a character where you went, yeah, that's a good guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's true.

[Francis Foster]

It was always a weird, sleazy dude. I remember when I was doing oh,

[Tom Segura]

you wouldn't suck Selma Hayek's toes.

[Constantine Kissing]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Constantine Kissing]

No.

[Francis Foster]

And, you know, here's the best bit about that movie. He wrote the script.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

This is no accident.

[Tom Segura]

You know, we don't. We don't have anyone cast yet in this. Yeah. So, yeah, maybe me. I don't.

[Constantine Kissing]

I don't know who wrote this scene, but someone's got to do it.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah. And it's really necessary to the script that you get one of the. The hottest women in the world to stick her literal foot in my mouth.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah. It's a good scene.

[Francis Foster]

It's a great movie.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Reservoir Dogs Crush, too. I mean, I memorized that in college. Mr. Brown sounds a little too close to Mr. All good.

[Francis Foster]

You know, a friend of mine told me this story about how he was in a pub in London preparing for a gig, and he was just having a drink, and there was this crazy dude next to him with, like, a pile of papers, just, like, talking to himself with wild hair and just putting. He's like, man, there's another homeless dude, like, so annoying. Like, why is he in the pub? And he was just. Kept trying to write, and the guy's like. And he was just like. And he turned around and went, oh, it's not. It's Quentin Tarantino.

[Constantine Kissing]

Oh, wow.

[Francis Foster]

Like, literally almost like a manic episode. Looked homeless, hair everywhere, kind of unsheveled, disheveled, unkempt. But just. Just talking to himself whilst. Right.

[Constantine Kissing]

Allegedly.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Allegedly. Allegedly. And can't you do that in your hotel room? I don't know why you have to go to the pub to be crazy. It feels performative to me because I talk to myself a lot.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But that's why I stay home.

[Constantine Kissing]

That's what the shower is for, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

You get in the shower, you think about. You talk to yourself. You come out normal.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, this one talks to himself all day.

[Constantine Kissing]

What do you talk about?

[Tom Segura]

Everything. Thing. I mean, like, it's constant conversations that I want to have that I'm gonna have thoughts about anything, whether it's like, stand up or something. I want to write. I just. I mean, just everything. I need to talk.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, you have full comfort. I've watched him have confrontations with people waiting for the elevator, like. And I'm like, who you fighting with?

[Tom Segura]

Yep. A lot of self talking. Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah. Do you do. How do you ever do it in Spanish when, like, you get really angry? Like.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, sometimes. Especially if I'm around. If I'm around it more. Yeah. If I'm watching stuff in Spanish, if I'm talking to, like, family and. And then so, like, you're. You're thinking in that head. Yeah. It starts to come out more.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, Yeah. I find it's like, when I get really angry, I'm like. I just find. I'm like, what is this? You know, you just like.

[Tom Segura]

Because the insults are just better.

[Constantine Kissing]

Same with Russian.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Russian. What's a good Russian one?

[Constantine Kissing]

Oh, there's loads. We have, like, a full catalog.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Let's fucking hit it, bro. What's the worst thing you can say?

[Constantine Kissing]

Do you know what made me laugh so much during the war in Ukraine? This is strange thing to lead. It's really funny. No, but, like, basically, a lot of people in the west, and I'm very pro Ukraine, but a lot of people in the west who were pro Ukraine adopted this. Like, they added Ukraine to, like, lgbtq and then they just put the U at the end. If you listen to the soldiers on both sides, like, the combat footage, all they're doing is calling each other, like, all day long. Ukrainians and Russians. That's all that they do.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah,

[Christina Pazsitzky]

but that's not the worst thing. What's the biggest. Like, in Hungarian, your mother's a. Yeah, like in your mother's and her. God, you. In your ass.

[Constantine Kissing]

Oh, really?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

I think Russians are second tier. You guys are impressed?

[Tom Segura]

Foul.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What do you got? Come on, man.

[Constantine Kissing]

Well, it's just like.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Go ahead.

[Constantine Kissing]

Like, all that. All of that.

[Tom Segura]

That's it.

[Constantine Kissing]

Oh, you're liking that joke.

[Tom Segura]

Latin. Do the gay thing a lot.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Incredible.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah. That's the. Who gave the. Your. Your mother? The. Who gave birth to you?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I love that stuff. That goes. A deep cut. That's a deep cut.

[Francis Foster]

Do you know who are the worst? The Greeks.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Francis Foster]

The Greeks. And I'll tell you why. Like, so I'm really into like ancient Greek mythology. And I remember teaching my kids about Zeus. And he would. And halfway through the lesson, I was like, this is deeply inappropriate for 10 year olds.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

Like. Cause Zeus was a dirty fucker. He come down, like, dressed as a ram and impregnate a woman. And once he came down. This is true, As a golden shower.

[Tom Segura]

He came down as a golden shower.

[Francis Foster]

Impregnate a woman. And this kid at the back, and I was getting observed on this lesson, put his hand up and walked, went, Mr. Foster, what is a golden shower?

[Constantine Kissing]

And what did you say?

[Francis Foster]

I just said, it's a metaphor for life. And then I carried it off.

[Constantine Kissing]

It's a great answer.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is a great segue to announce your book. Uneducated.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, indeed. It's about being a teacher, my life, and why you literally should never become one.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

Don't ever do it.

[Tom Segura]

That's so inspiring.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's honest, you know?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. How long did you do it for?

[Francis Foster]

12 years.

[Tom Segura]

Wow, that's a good run.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, it is a good run. It is a good run, but you look at the before and after pictures and it wasn't a good run. Tom, you know, why do you think

[Constantine Kissing]

he's got so much gray hair?

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, I bet.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And you taught Greek mythology.

[Francis Foster]

I taught a little bit to the kids. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What else did you teach?

[Francis Foster]

I taught maths, English. I started off as a drama teacher, so. Not a proper teacher.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm sorry, can I ask you something?

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I've been wondering this for like 25 years.

[Constantine Kissing]

Math.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Why the fuck do you pluralize maths? Math. Math.

[Constantine Kissing]

Because mathematics.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No.

[Constantine Kissing]

Because we're literate.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Right. That is a tell that we say math and you say maths.

[Francis Foster]

We invented the language, so it's fine.

[Tom Segura]

I think that's the. The excuse for anything you say. You're like, it's ours. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

Do you know that technically this is not funny, but actually interesting. That's actually not true. So the. The colonies preserved the English language much more authentically to what it was, because the language tends to. In the country that's created it, it continues to evolve. Whereas in America and Australia and New Zealand, where the people brought the language, they actually kind of froze it in time. So your accent sounds more like the accent that would have been the case.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We talk like donkeys compared to you.

[Constantine Kissing]

Well, that's what I'm.

[Tom Segura]

The way we speak is more like the founding father spoke.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Francis Foster]

Yeah. So an example is that is I taught A Jamaican boy. This was like 10 or so years ago, and he had a girl at one of the kids in the class, and he said the words to shut him up. None of your foolishness, boy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow, that's tight.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, yeah. That's genuine Dickensian language. Yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

None of your foolishness.

[Tom Segura]

None of your foolishness.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, I like that.

[Francis Foster]

It sounded good as well.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

Disappointed he didn't do the accent, though.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

None of your foolishness. More.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it sounds like. Like a. Like a grandfather reprimanding a kid. Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

And then it was accompanied with the kissing of the teeth, which just gave it and leaving it. Yeah, you know, it was an extra.

[Tom Segura]

Do you see fights a lot in school or. No.

[Francis Foster]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm one. Actually. One of the biggest mistakes I ever made is like, I'm really. I really love martial arts and watching mma and, like, I think martial arts is one of the best things you can do for young people. It teaches them to be fit, it to regulate emotions. Discipline, discipline, hard work, you know, having a goal, achieving the goal. So I taught in a really rough, rough school in a part of. In a really rough part of East London, and a lot of these kids didn't have fathers, they didn't have families growing up. They were into gangs. I was like, the best thing that we can do is teach a martial arts. So we paid for a martial artist to come in mma, martial artists to teach them how to throw punches, how to throw kicks, and all the rest of the.

[Tom Segura]

It.

[Francis Foster]

Because you know where this is going, and because I thought. I thought this would be discipline. It didn't teach him discipline. But I tell you what, the fights

[Tom Segura]

on the playground got better, huh?

[Francis Foster]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Like, we were seeing roundhouse kicks, like a one, two, three combination.

[Tom Segura]

Holy.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah. And it was.

[Tom Segura]

We just taught these kids how to fuck each other up.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, we did. And we ended up having to cut it short, and it was kind of a black market mark against my name.

[Tom Segura]

I'm gonna be honest. This is gonna help these kids. And then they're just all badass.

[Constantine Kissing]

We're just gonna bring a knife expert in to show them how it's really done.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, yeah, it was. It was literally like that. I remember once just seeing, like, the most perfect right hook, and I was like, you see? You can learn, Tommy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you can.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You were throwing shit before.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, exactly.

[Tom Segura]

You got your hips. You got to turn your hips into that.

[Francis Foster]

Exactly. You say you can't do maps, but you can learn this.

[Tom Segura]

You probably saw more knockouts after the mmi. A guy came.

[Francis Foster]

Oh, yeah, absolutely. The best bit was, is we then gave. We gave him a lecture before was like, you're not allowed to use this on the playground. Yeah, it's like giving Iran and you.

[Tom Segura]

Of course.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. They love it.

[Francis Foster]

They're gonna fucking use it.

[Tom Segura]

Why wouldn't they?

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, why wouldn't they?

[Tom Segura]

Well, Christina was really high on. She wanted you guys to see this clip. It takes place in Ireland, which is, of course, part of England and.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Ireland. England.

[Tom Segura]

She wants to know how you feel about this.

[Constantine Kissing]

And we're here in Killarney because we've been invited by a very special character. I hear he's a local legend and his name is Sham. Look at that. Sham. How are you? We're here in Killarney today. Nice to meet you.

[Tom Segura]

Are you from Killarney? Born and bred.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Killarney.

[Constantine Kissing]

What do you think makes it a great town? Lots of tourists around. It's great, isn't it? Well, I thought he made some good points.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he did, right?

[Francis Foster]

Yeah. Yeah, That's. That's both of us after trying Austin weed.

[Tom Segura]

Does that sound better, different to your ears? Are you like, oh, I kind of get that. No, no. Okay, good.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We've watched this guy for, like, a decade, and I always stupidly wonder if somebody from the UK has a better time understanding him than we do. But now you just disprove that whole theory because you're from England. London. And you guys don't understand him.

[Francis Foster]

No, no.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Drunk is still drunk.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah. It's also the thing. I mean, Constantine will be able to talk about this, but when I used to do gigs in Glasgow, like, the guys used to, people come up to me and I'd be like, are you happy? Are you sad? Are you gonna beat the shit out of me? Like, what are we doing here? Yeah, because it would be so thick and everything they would say would be

[Constantine Kissing]

aggressive and it would end with the word yeah, irrespective of whether they were being friendly or having toured.

[Tom Segura]

I've done, you know, uk, Ireland, Northern Ireland, New Zealand, Australia. Not nothing, accent wise, compares, in my opinion, to the Scots. Like, I have met guys after a show that they. They're like. Like, you know, they had a good time. We're talking at the show, and then as we're talking after the show, I'm like, are you speaking English, dude? And then they all start laughing. I'm like, I don't understand a word you're saying right now. You could be speaking Aramaic. Like, I don't understand any of this. It's so strong.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And it gets worse when you have a couple of pints in you, too.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I can't even fall.

[Tom Segura]

It's other level.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah. And it's. You just like. I'm like. I don't know if some. If you're gonna stab me or if you're gonna want to have sex with me or you're gonna do both maybe at the same. No idea what's.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Francis Begby.

[Francis Foster]

Begbie. Exactly. Exactly. It's that. But that is a quintessential Scottish character.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

You know?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. No, go ahead.

[Francis Foster]

No, we love them, but they're terrifying.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Terrifying.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

You know what the Nazis used to call the Scots Guard?

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Francis Foster]

In. In the Second World War?

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Francis Foster]

The Ladies of Death.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Francis Foster]

Because of the kilts.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, right.

[Francis Foster]

Because, you know, you like if a Scots. If you piss off a Scotsman, like, Edinburgh on a Saturday night, everybody.

[Constantine Kissing]

I mean, the British Empire was basically built on using the Scottish to kill everybody.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Constantine Kissing]

They are some of the best regiments in the British Army. Because.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You guys wear shorts in your military. I know that because I've been on different bases and I'm like, who's allowed to wear shorts? The Brits.

[Francis Foster]

Really?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You guys wore shorts? Yeah, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Kind of gay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When it's hot in the Middle east and stuff, I'm like, why? You guys can't use your legs? Blown off by IEDs. But y' all are wearing shorts.

[Tom Segura]

Well, I don't know if pants would keep your legs.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It'll help with some of the shrapnel.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, for sure.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Little dust. I mean, it's very.

[Tom Segura]

These. I got these still because I had pants on.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Don't you mock me. Don't you mock me. I've been watching Lionesse and joining the Marines.

[Tom Segura]

That's right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, you need to wear pants, Governor.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Francis Foster]

But we have this phenomenon in the U.K. they're called Northerners. Right. And that. And northerners, Anybody kind of north of Birmingham, which is in the center.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Francis Foster]

And a northerner, when the temperature gets over about 10 degrees Celsius and there's, like, a glimmer of sun, they will say, this is too hot, and they will wear shorts.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Francis Foster]

Yeah. And if it gets to about 13,

[Tom Segura]

they're just like, no, 10.

[Francis Foster]

And that's when the flip flops come out.

[Tom Segura]

Really? 13?

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, it's about 13 Celsius.

[Constantine Kissing]

Right. So what is that in Fahrenheit? That's, like. Because none of you guys know what we're talking about, right?

[Tom Segura]

No, but that's. No, that's probably 80, 13. Would that be like in the 50s, maybe?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What is it?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, 55.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's cold as.

[Francis Foster]

No, no, not for. Not for those

[Tom Segura]

summer. Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

And girl. So we had the woman who. Who is like the CEO of Trigonometry and runs everything. Basically she's a northerner and she moved down to London to work with us. And the moment the sun comes out, she starts fucking complaining.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, they want it to be.

[Constantine Kissing]

They want it to be cold.

[Tom Segura]

That's horrible.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do the Ruskies.

[Tom Segura]

Are they like that you guys are used to?

[Constantine Kissing]

Nah. Well, we used to call. But see, in Russia, the summers are very hot, so you get seasons.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

Whereas in the uk you get one season all year round, which is just. Do you know. You don't know this. Since the start of the year, we're sitting here in early March much until the end of February, it rained every single day.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Constantine Kissing]

Every single day in two months?

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

And that is just like that most

[Christina Pazsitzky]

of the year now. Hungary at one point had the highest suicide rate. How come not England?

[Francis Foster]

That's a hell of a segue.

[Constantine Kissing]

Why don't you guys kill yourselves more?

[Francis Foster]

Yeah. I mean, objectively. That's a good question.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Because when I lived, when I was there for my year abroad, it was so depressing because the sun doesn't come out and then it's only light out for a few hours. By 4 o' clock it's down and you're in the pub and you're drunk again and it's just like, there you go.

[Tom Segura]

It's a cycle, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You need that gloominess to drink, to keep drinking.

[Francis Foster]

Look, they just tough. Like. This is what I've kind of accepted about British people, particularly outside of London. They're just tougher people. Yeah, they're just harder people. I remember I was gigging in Newcastle and there was this very beautiful woman at the boat and I was, oh, wow, she's gorgeous. And then this guy, like, kept, like hitting on her, like, quite an aggressive way. And to the point I was like, should I actually step in? Because this is getting uncomfortable. She was drinking a pint like this. Put the pint down, looked at him in the eyes and went, I'm not gonna bang you. Fuck off.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's amazing.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That would never happen here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's amazing.

[Tom Segura]

Maybe in Philly, but I love it.

[Francis Foster]

They're just like. It's just tougher people.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They're just.

[Francis Foster]

They're harder people, you know?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, well, yeah, your working Class is really tough.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They're just tough, tough, hard people in the. In the way that. I don't know, like. Like I said before, when you look at them, you understand how we took over the world. And then when they start drinking, you're like, this is my time to leave.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, this is the time to leave. This is the time to make myself scarce. Because when. When it gets to a certain point, I. It makes 6th street just look like a kind of.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

You know, like a yoga studio.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, you guys are so rough because, you know, I love those period P shows. I watch every single one of them.

[Tom Segura]

Everyone now.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, you guys, like, London times when it was all dirt and then the chimneys just belted out smoke and then the dead bodies in the. In the Thames and nothing but plague and stuff. I mean, you guys come from horrific and then getting bombed and stuff. Stuff. Winston Churchill, that whole thing.

[Tom Segura]

Remember that whole thing?

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You guys remember that?

[Constantine Kissing]

Yes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Been through a lot.

[Constantine Kissing]

It left a bit of an impact, you know?

[Tom Segura]

Remember Germany?

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Those knuckleheads.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You guys have been through a lot.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

Well, you guys have been through it, too, Right. Because you're the descendants of us in a way. Right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

In a way. But we're also hodgepodge of every other community.

[Constantine Kissing]

You let too many Germans in as of one of our guests,

[Tom Segura]

quite a few major ways.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wow. We.

[Francis Foster]

Do we. I guess so. But, like, if you look at, like, other people's history, like, Russian history.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

No, I mean, come on. Like, that is crazy.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah, well, you. You, like, everyone always says to me, why. Why are Russians so, like, stern. I was like, look at Russian history. Like, you'd be. You'd be pretty.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, it's from the east as well, too. Like, Hungarians are Turkish. Basically, we're European Turks.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So. So it's just a different culture.

[Constantine Kissing]

Well, think about the history of Russia. So there was a period in Russian history where the Russian people were occupied by the Mongols, Genghis Khan's descendants, for about as long as America's been in existence. So it kind of leaves a bit of a mark on your psyche, you know what I mean?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

For sure.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah. And then the Mongols weren't that nice. It was kind of like being invaded by, like, Khal Drogo from Game of Thrones.

[Tom Segura]

Do you ever listen to that podcast, the Dictatorship? It's so good. And they profile, like, they do episode, multi episode, like, stories about, like, it's the whole story of a dictator. All right, so There's. They have it about basically almost everyone that's been. That's been a dictator, and they have one about Stalin that's. That's fantastic. Although I think the most exciting one may have been about Saddam Hussein. That was pretty. Pretty great.

[Constantine Kissing]

What made it exciting?

[Tom Segura]

Just like what level psychopath he is? You know, it's my husband. Like, he. They did a.

[Constantine Kissing]

Just the torture he did was so cool.

[Tom Segura]

They had like a. A team of psychologists study these breakdowns of. Of dictators. And they said that the one that registered the highest as a textbook grade A psychopath was Saddam Hussein. Right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Really wouldn't have guess that.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Stalin.

[Constantine Kissing]

Do you think there's something about being a dictator that makes you that like just having this unlimited power?

[Tom Segura]

Well, I think it probably exacerbates what's there.

[Constantine Kissing]

Right?

[Tom Segura]

He had. But he had all the formula, like, there's something in your genetics. There was neglect as a child. There's abuse. There's getting into violence at a young age and, and having it not have the repercussions that, you know, getting what you want out of it. And then as you move up the political ladder and having all this, the access, you know, to power and then getting absolute power, I mean, it's just gonna inflame you to be this total monster.

[Constantine Kissing]

Well, that's, that's why I'm asking, because I think if you make me a dictator, I'd shoot some people. Yeah, for sure, for sure. Well, right.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

How are you. How is he gonna be a dictator?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Dude, I would clean all the people. Like, first of all. Yeah, let's round up all the scumbags

[Tom Segura]

that are like, Saddam killed somebody's teenager. Teenager. So that's awesome.

[Constantine Kissing]

Oh, really?

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He was.

[Tom Segura]

He shot somebody, killed someone.

[Constantine Kissing]

He was like, he was talented from right from the beginning.

[Francis Foster]

You know, it's like the youth academy, if you're in a. Soccer, you know what I mean?

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah, yeah. He got a train, you know, you've

[Christina Pazsitzky]

got to learn your craft.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you gotta get out there, man.

[Francis Foster]

Do you know I wouldn't do that, like, because Venezuela is, has, has had dictators for the last. It's got a kind of dictatorship now. But Hugo Chavez was a dictator, and when he came in, you know, was one of the first things he did, he banned golf.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, wow.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, he said it was just an elitist sport. Yeah, he said it's a sport of the bourgeoisie. And then he went, you know what? It's not even a sport, it's a game, and banned it. And I'm for that. I'm for that. I hate golf. It takes over everything. It's boring, it's tedious.

[Tom Segura]

It takes a long time.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It eats up land. So much land.

[Francis Foster]

Exactly that.

[Tom Segura]

And cemetery.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And pickleball too. Pickle.

[Tom Segura]

When you think about how much land cemeteries take up, right? There's just these huge plots of land. And it's like once you're two generations removed, if I show you a foster from the 1850s, you're not like, I'm gonna get emotional right now. You're like, I don't fucking know who that is. I'm like, oh, that's your great great grandfather.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Nobody cares.

[Tom Segura]

Okay? And it's just gonna sit here forever and then we're just gonna keep adding tombstones to this plot of land. It's the biggest waste of space ever.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know what I was thinking is that everything in nature goes back to nature. It's a circle of life thing, right? Except for us shitty humans. Because what, they either burn us and then you keep the ashes or they put you in a box so that you can't even decompose back into the earth. I would like to decompose naturally in our backyard.

[Tom Segura]

Well, they should just do. They should slingshot people into the earth, ocean. That's what they should do. Best solution, you go into the ocean, water is life. The fish is in the sharks eat you and you save the land. Why are we wasting our land, Tom?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You and I just solved it.

[Tom Segura]

Cemeteries suck.

[Francis Foster]

I've never heard that perspective before.

[Tom Segura]

It's so much goddamn. I mean, you're driving down in la, you drive down in Westwood and you

[Christina Pazsitzky]

see this like, waste.

[Tom Segura]

It's good, prime real estate. And you're like, what is this? Like, oh, it's a fucking cemetery. You're like, there's enough space here for bodies for the next 500 years. You're like, great. What a great use of this land. Build houses on there. Do something. This waste of land, it makes me crazy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Makes me crazy.

[Constantine Kissing]

But back garden is probably better, right? Because like your kids can visit.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I would love that.

[Constantine Kissing]

If you get slingshot into the ocean, like, what are they going to hire, a yacht? And like, mommy was shot within the 4 mile radius of this point. Let's.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's true.

[Constantine Kissing]

You know?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know what I mean? That'd be crazy. Ideally I'd to like, like to be buried in some kind of a clear coffin that you could watch me decompose. Does that make sense? Like a glass bottom boat?

[Constantine Kissing]

It makes sense. He's terrifying. Don't you want to see?

[Tom Segura]

That's super gross.

[Constantine Kissing]

That is incredibly gross.

[Francis Foster]

I think the only way you do that is if you're like, you know what? I don't think my kids have suffered enough.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

I want them to suffer past my.

[Constantine Kissing]

They had a normal life, unlike me. We need some Hungarian experience for this.

[Francis Foster]

Them.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's what I want.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, I just want them to be able to see what's going on. It's educational. Why can't we just rot naturally? I don't understand why they can't do that. Can't they just bury you?

[Francis Foster]

You know what? I've never. I've never been to a funeral in Venezuela. Have you ever seen Tom open casket? I've never seen, like, Latinos love an open.

[Tom Segura]

Wait. Open casket at a service. Yeah, Yeah, I have seen that.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah. Russians do that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

Really horrible.

[Constantine Kissing]

Like, you see the person's face.

[Tom Segura]

Face. Right, yeah, well.

[Constantine Kissing]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Constantine Kissing]

Otherwise, how do you know if they're there?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, you gotta.

[Constantine Kissing]

What do you mean? With trust, you have to check. What if it's not open?

[Francis Foster]

Yes. I just. That would freak me out. I'll be honest. Like, I. I go. I go see with. That's why how we're different. I'd be like, I trust you.

[Tom Segura]

I trust.

[Francis Foster]

I trusted.

[Tom Segura]

Open the thing.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They don't want to see it.

[Tom Segura]

It does freak.

[Constantine Kissing]

This is why the west is going to collapse, you know?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Pussies. Crybaby pussies.

[Constantine Kissing]

And they don't trust everything.

[Tom Segura]

Man, I. Oh, man, this is true. I will say I hate funerals, though.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I hate them too.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah, I'm not a huge fan.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It really bums me out.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know what I will say?

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah, they're kind of sad.

[Tom Segura]

I don't like being in those feelings.

[Francis Foster]

I don't like it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know what I did like, though, is when our friend Brody passed and it was all comics at the comedy.

[Tom Segura]

That was like a memorial service.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And that was the appropriate level of like, emotion. Laugh. Emotion laugh.

[Tom Segura]

Yes. The good back and forth and forth of that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That was a nice balance.

[Tom Segura]

You should do that for each other. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What about us?

[Tom Segura]

I was saying, you know, like, you're telling them about it, like. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, well, make sure.

[Tom Segura]

So, like, when he dies, you know, have a. Have like a fun get together.

[Constantine Kissing]

We're like a married couple. Like, you know, there's married couples that die on the same day.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

Because they love each other so much. That's me and Francis.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That's beautiful.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

Except they Love each other part.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, exactly.

[Constantine Kissing]

On the same day.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

Just, you know, more out of spite than anything else.

[Tom Segura]

You guys argue?

[Constantine Kissing]

You Sometimes. Very rarely. We're used to more like a marriage. It kind of takes, you know, you. You work out and then eventually you just. Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

And then the testosterone declines.

[Tom Segura]

So. You know what I mean?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's the best part. I love a low T king. I love. I'm so over.

[Constantine Kissing]

Like all eyes on you, my friend.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's gotten so much better as he's gotten older. Like, it's just. I like to see the will beat out of him. I like to see him dejected and just dragging through. Like life makes me happy.

[Constantine Kissing]

None of the like alpha energy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, I don't. Like I've had it. I'm done. I'm drained.

[Tom Segura]

So look at Tom trying to change the con.

[Francis Foster]

So you basically married a blonde Latina Tom?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, they call Eastern Europeans winter Latinas.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Cuz we're supposed to be the same, but just meaner and shittier. Like how you guys like happiness and joy where the opposite depression and sad.

[Constantine Kissing]

But really she's real, right?

[Tom Segura]

So real.

[Constantine Kissing]

So real. Just so real.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm a winter Latina. I'm a winter Latina.

[Tom Segura]

It's the realness that keeps it exciting.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You stop. Go ahead.

[Tom Segura]

We're gonna show them. We get a bank of videos that Christine and I have not seen.

[Constantine Kissing]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

And the idea is to decide whether what we see in it is horrible or hilarious. Like, so I have no idea what's in this.

[Constantine Kissing]

Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's a good one.

[Constantine Kissing]

That's kind of both.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it was a little bit of both. I think if that mask came down, there'd be some missing teeth.

[Constantine Kissing]

That's what I'm saying.

[Tom Segura]

Because it landed on like a. A cement. Oh man. Yeah, that was.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But they're wearing a mask like a fag. And I hate this. Deserves what he gets. That's wearing a mask outside. Get.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's so.

[Constantine Kissing]

You know people still do that in la?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes.

[Constantine Kissing]

You go to la, you land at the airport, you're like, what the. Did I go back six years?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes. Cuz they're traumatized.

[Constantine Kissing]

It's incredible.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's still that. That mantra of you're still in danger, we need to protect you. Da da da, da da. It's. It's madness. It's very sad.

[Francis Foster]

My friend Jonathan Kogan's got a great joke when he goes, he goes, People often ask me like, what are my opinion on trans is? And I'm like, look it's always the same. It's fine when the Asians do it. You know what I mean? It's time.

[Tom Segura]

Totally.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Just like that.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. The Asians invented that. Weird.

[Francis Foster]

And they invented the moss.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I do remember when you're like 15 years ago, you're traveling in an airport, you're like, the. Going on with this guy.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And someone would have to tell you. They're like, oh, yeah. But they were doing it, like, really out of a lot of times. Like, they don't feel well. Right. Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

Protecting you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know. And we're the Jersey.

[Tom Segura]

I was like, that's a new concept to me. Like, you're protecting the others.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's real communist mentality.

[Constantine Kissing]

So un American. Why don't you get out of the way?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I don't know. Was he backing him up?

[Francis Foster]

Up?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, it starts like. It starts when he's already too close. Yeah. Maybe he's like, all right, keep coming, keep coming. You got another inch. There you go. Maybe a new driver.

[Constantine Kissing]

That. That felt to me like he could literally just step out of the way, though.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's tiny.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He got crushed, though. Maybe his hip's not the same. Is that a woman?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I think it's a woman.

[Constantine Kissing]

Oh, it's a what? I've misgendered somebody that is on brand.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, allegedly.

[Constantine Kissing]

Allegedly. No, I definitely misgendered somebody.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There we go.

[Tom Segura]

Nice.

[Francis Foster]

Bro, you just chipped my. Oh,

[Christina Pazsitzky]

that's not funny, dude. That's why I tell my kids not to even pretend with their stupid guys. Guns.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

Play stupid games.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Play guns. They just even point it fake at me, and I'm like, don't fucking do that.

[Tom Segura]

Where's her original tooth?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Fuck right off.

[Francis Foster]

Holy shit.

[Tom Segura]

Wow. Yeah, well, you probably shouldn't.

[Constantine Kissing]

You know, I'd love to be there when the dad. Her dad sees that.

[Tom Segura]

He's like, how'd that happen? Well, he put a gun in my mouth.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Empty chain.

[Constantine Kissing]

No, no, he wasn't like that in a nice way.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, we thought it'd be funny money. I have to go to the dentist.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And the worst part is this is gonna have to get veneers now for the rest of her life.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Just like I had to because I. My chip is like.

[Tom Segura]

Because you had a gun in your mouth.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep. Back in third grade, bro. I fell off. Whatever. I got hit in the face. I don't like it already. I know.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my.

[Francis Foster]

God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, no.

[Francis Foster]

Holy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Holy. Lay down, baby. Lay down. Lay down, baby.

[Tom Segura]

Holy. Oh, those are great sounds.

[Constantine Kissing]

You Guys have a weird sense of humor. I'm like, oh, Jesus. Is he okay? You're like, retard. You fell over.

[Tom Segura]

What came out? Something ran across the road.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

A deer.

[Tom Segura]

A deer?

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Was it?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, bro. Wow, dude. That could happen. Holy.

[Tom Segura]

Holy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That could happen. That happens with your car.

[Tom Segura]

It looks like that one was a 5050 split. Two of us found it hilarious.

[Constantine Kissing]

It wasn't. The thing is, it wasn't his fault, like when people do stupid. But to me, it's just like a bad thing happened to this guy.

[Tom Segura]

A bad, funny thing did happen.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

I mean, It's partly his fault because he should be wearing leathers.

[Tom Segura]

There you go.

[Francis Foster]

You shouldn't be particularly going a bike at that speed.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, interesting. It's like wearing shorts in the military, maybe.

[Tom Segura]

W. Wow.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah. Leathers really protect you from that.

[Francis Foster]

It's. It's something you don't. You don't get. The burn, the burn, the burn.

[Tom Segura]

Have you guys seen the story of the McDonald's CEO? Did that make it to you?

[Constantine Kissing]

No.

[Tom Segura]

So they have. They have a new sandwich. And so the CEO of McDonald's came out and was like, hey, I'm gonna try this new sandwich we got. And he got so destroyed online for the video, which he thought was going to be like a cool promotional thing. Here's what it is. And see if you can find out why they are not Chris K. Here with. You've heard about it. Here it is, the big arch. This is something that we have tested already in Portugal, Germany, Canada. I love this product. It is so good. I'm gonna do a tasting right now, but I'm gonna eat this for my lunch, just so you know. So. So here we go first. Holy cow. God, that is a big burger. We've got a very unique kind of sesame poppy sort of bun on it. Wow. We've got two quarter pound patties, a delicious big arch sauce, and of course, some lettuce. So. Oh, there's so much going on with this. First of all, let's try to get this thing. I don't even know how to attack it. Got so much to. Oh, there's also some crispy onions on here as well. See those kind of coming out? All right. The moment of truth as meat I should ever do. That is so good. That's a big bite for a big arch. It's distinctively McDonald's. Only McDonald's could do this type of burger. But it also is unlike anything else on our menu. It's a delicious product. You know, you've got sort of the cheeses and the gooeyness. But those crispy onions as well gives a nice texture. And of course, we've got the pickles. So I'm gonna enjoy the rest of my lunch. But big arch, try it when you can get it. So people have called for him to resign over this. Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Why? Because.

[Tom Segura]

So the few things that people are most upset about is, number one, that they're like, that's not a bite. Like you. Your bite sucks.

[Constantine Kissing]

It was a small bite.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And they're like. And then they go, so he did not eat that. They're like, he's. He's like, don't worry, I'm gonna have it for lunch. Where they're like, it's definitely not eating that. And that for. I think consumers maybe in the industry use this, but for consumers and like.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

To call it product.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

This is a product.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

As opposed to, like.

[Constantine Kissing]

I mean, it kind of is, right?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

You know what I'm saying?

[Tom Segura]

This went so viral, really, that. That other fast food chains have. Have been able to capitalize on it. So, like, they've come out with ads where they're like, we actually eat our burgers. And like.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like, because he doesn't even look like he enjoys McDonald's.

[Tom Segura]

You think this guy eats McDonald's?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And no, dude, that's half a pound of McDonald's beef. Two quarter pounds. I know you guys do the game metric system, right?

[Francis Foster]

The game metric system.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

America.

[Constantine Kissing]

That's official name. It's a game metric system.

[Francis Foster]

Why is it. Why is it gay? The magic.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wrong.

[Tom Segura]

Because it makes sense. We don't like that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We don't like that over here.

[Francis Foster]

Plus the French use it. So like.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah, yeah, that's what. That's.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, what's freezing? What is freezing? The temperature.

[Francis Foster]

Zero.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Like, what the is that supposed to mean? Yeah, it makes no sense. What's boiling 100.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, who the.

[Constantine Kissing]

So illogical, isn't it? You just can't make heads or tails of it. Doesn't make any sense.

[Tom Segura]

Doesn't make any sense.

[Constantine Kissing]

Right? You start at zero and you go to 100. Like, like, what the is that freezing?

[Tom Segura]

Should be 32.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know, I will give you that. But what about the stone Hore. That's a pound.

[Constantine Kissing]

You know what? I've lived in England for over 30 years. I still don't get it. Yeah, I'm still on kilograms.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, yeah. Half a pound.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Half a pound.

[Francis Foster]

But Governor. Half a pound of pace.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Governor.

[Francis Foster]

Governor.

[Tom Segura]

But people still now do use miles sometimes, right? Isn't that like.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, we use miles.

[Tom Segura]

But you use kilometers.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Kilometers, right.

[Francis Foster]

No, never. Europe. Europe.

[Constantine Kissing]

No, no, we're still on miles. We drive on the right side of the road, unlike you guys.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yes. Yeah, yes.

[Constantine Kissing]

When I say right, I mean the correct also. Right? Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So only the rest of Europe uses kilometers.

[Francis Foster]

Only the rest of Europe uses.

[Tom Segura]

Have you always done miles?

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, we've always done miles.

[Constantine Kissing]

That's where you got it from.

[Francis Foster]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

With all respect, I had no idea. Guys, you learned something.

[Constantine Kissing]

We gave it to you. You gave us miles, just like your country.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah. No, you didn't. They took the country.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah, we gave it to them because they made us.

[Francis Foster]

No, I remember once my friend goes to me, do you want to go to Paul Revere's house? Like, no, No, I don't. Why do I want to go to a snitch's house? I gotta snitch his house.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

This is a guy who betrayed my country. Yeah, he did.

[Constantine Kissing]

Welcome to the Traitor Museum.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do you do tea time?

[Francis Foster]

Time. Do we do. I love a cup of tea.

[Tom Segura]

How do you. How do you take your tea?

[Francis Foster]

All right. It's got to be. Look. And there's an art, like. Yeah, like a real man. There's an art to tea.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Francis Foster]

And you gringos.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Francis Foster]

You don't do it properly.

[Tom Segura]

We definitely don't,

[Francis Foster]

But no. So you've got this. This is how it's done. Right. And this is very important. Bagging for first.

[Tom Segura]

Bag in first.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, yeah. Hot water.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

Up to about so far.

[Tom Segura]

I'm following you.

[Francis Foster]

Right, Okay. I would say it's three. I'd say seven eighths of the way of the cut of the mug.

[Tom Segura]

7, 8.

[Francis Foster]

7, 8. So you've got to be specific. Okay, right. It's about 12 seconds. You take the bag out, 12 seconds.

[Tom Segura]

Wait, you leave the bag in for 12 seconds.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's nothing.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, no, it's not. And then little splash of milk.

[Tom Segura]

What kind of milk?

[Francis Foster]

There's only one kind of. I'm not talking nut juice.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, all right, all right.

[Francis Foster]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

And then you're British.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah. Quick, stir, serve.

[Tom Segura]

Ew. I'm most fascinated by the amount of time that the tea bag.

[Francis Foster]

12 to about 12 seconds. It's all you need. It's all you need. Otherwise you're gonna stew the tea.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, I. I don't believe this.

[Constantine Kissing]

I just have mine black.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes.

[Constantine Kissing]

It's actually the Russian thing.

[Francis Foster]

No, wait.

[Tom Segura]

Which type of tea, like, bag would you prefer?

[Francis Foster]

So.

[Tom Segura]

Because obviously there's a lot you can choose from.

[Francis Foster]

In the uk, we call it Builders.

[Constantine Kissing]

Builders. Builders.

[Francis Foster]

Tea Builders, too.

[Constantine Kissing]

Which is if a builder comes around to your house.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

That's what you give him.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Find it.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Would you, please? Builders.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah. It's not a brand. Like, there's a ton of them.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Constantine Kissing]

Builders tea. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, oh.

[Tom Segura]

So it is a black.

[Constantine Kissing]

It's just a black tea. Cheap black tea. No.

[Tom Segura]

12 seconds. You let it steep in there for us. Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

And then you take it out. And then little splash of milk. Stir, serve.

[Tom Segura]

That's perfect.

[Francis Foster]

That's perfect.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. And that's what you want for your afternoon tea or any time of day?

[Constantine Kissing]

Any time of day.

[Francis Foster]

Any time of day, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Do you start your day with a cup of tea?

[Francis Foster]

I sometimes start my day with a cup of tea. So here's a little fact.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

How do you shit? It doesn't even make you shit.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah. I'm a coffee guy for that very reason. Well, it's either coffee or Austin water. Both will do the job. Austin tap water. Fuck my life. What is in that?

[Tom Segura]

I've never had it.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah, yeah. Correct decision.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

We drink tap water back home. So the first time we arrived, it was like three days later.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

Very, very purged. Thank you.

[Tom Segura]

There's, like three cities in America that I would drink tap water, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And this isn't one of them.

[Constantine Kissing]

Fuck no.

[Francis Foster]

New York tap water, My God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's what they say, but that's what the New Yorkers say to fool you into drinking that shit. You trust that?

[Tom Segura]

He loves it?

[Francis Foster]

I love it.

[Tom Segura]

Don't take away his joy.

[Francis Foster]

Sorry.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Don't drink la's either.

[Francis Foster]

Really? Really?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No way, dude. I grew up there. No way.

[Tom Segura]

Do you want to give them access?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Mr. Foster, Mr. Kissinger. Are you ready?

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Constantine Kissing]

You're putting me quiet on the camera. On them.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Governor. How do you say it? Kissing.

[Constantine Kissing]

Kissing, kissing. Kissing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The right way.

[Constantine Kissing]

You said it. The right. Yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, but say it the Soviet way.

[Constantine Kissing]

Kissen.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Kissen. Yeah, this is better. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't know if you guys know this, but I am a curator of tick tocks and I like to focus on the marginalized communities. These are people that are underrepresented, the outer outliers. I like to give these people a voice.

[Francis Foster]

Good for you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay. Go ahead, Tom.

[Tom Segura]

It's a nice way of introducing them to it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Just email me your email, your email saying you want my address and I

[Constantine Kissing]

will send you anything.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Just mail me a thousand dollars for the hotel idea, 50 for the shirt idea, and I will give it to you. Oh, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

In.

[Constantine Kissing]

Is this an only fans promo?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, it's just on Tik Tok.

[Constantine Kissing]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

This seems like it's a message for one person, but.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Your reaction, by the way, just so you know, is how you're supposed to react.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

Just so you know. You're not. You're not missing something?

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah, I feel like I'm missing something here.

[Tom Segura]

Nope.

[Constantine Kissing]

All right.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Just.

[Francis Foster]

Jesus Christ. Oh, my God. Hello, love. Have my eyes.

[Tom Segura]

Do you know what the marginalized community.

[Constantine Kissing]

I actually think the Internet was a bad idea.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You ever seen a lady shaving a fanny? Come on, Francis, look at me.

[Francis Foster]

She looks like one of the dinner ladies from school.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

Oh, my God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's right, Francis.

[Constantine Kissing]

Your dreams have come true, my friend.

[Francis Foster]

I'm just shaving my minch.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Smash your back pass, Francis.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Is that what they call me? Min.

[Tom Segura]

So you're in?

[Constantine Kissing]

Oh, dear. Of course.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah. Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

Just so you both know, Christina put this together.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, Yeah, I can say that I

[Christina Pazsitzky]

feel as though I should justify these fines. For 20 years, my husband has been torturing me with clips of cool guys being like, girl, want to eat your. Why don't you show them the kind of stuff that you show them? The opener from today. Let see how it's so awful. 20 years of this. So now I'm finally.

[Tom Segura]

You're not a real eater if you don't eat the balls too.

[Constantine Kissing]

That's the best advice message for grind I've ever seen.

[Tom Segura]

Right?

[Francis Foster]

Well, yesterday was my birthday. Oh my goodness.

[Tom Segura]

Had two shorties come over here. They left with wet asses, glue all in their hair. Matter of fact, I think one of them went had to go to emergency

[Francis Foster]

that some was in her eyes she couldn't get right.

[Tom Segura]

And man, left out of here with bloodshot eye all in the hair. Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

Wet asses.

[Tom Segura]

Yep. We said it already.

[Francis Foster]

I said, next time you come over here, don't think you're gonna play with Unki. I'll hammer your ass down.

[Tom Segura]

That's America right there, man.

[Constantine Kissing]

What a gentleman.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. So I want to tell everybody what I just did. And don't judge me. I let my woman ride my face and waterfall me. And I loved it. Am I wrong for loving the taste

[Francis Foster]

of a woman so much?

[Tom Segura]

If I am, let me know when you drop David in the comments and

[Francis Foster]

hit that like share save.

[Tom Segura]

Tastes so good. So I show her stuff like this

[Christina Pazsitzky]

to 20 years arouser now finally.

[Tom Segura]

Did you ever go down on a girl? Well, I did last night.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, dude, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Trigonometry is a podcast you can listen to

[Constantine Kissing]

that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, man. Let's get back to what I have to show you. So finally, Tik tok is the great equalizer. Now, finally, women are having their chance to express themselves sexually in the same way that men have done.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah, I think I'm against that, by the way.

[Tom Segura]

Me too.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Why don't you see it first?

[Tom Segura]

We got to see Jesus Christ. Well, okay.

[Constantine Kissing]

I like the music.

[Tom Segura]

Music was cool.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

How did that make you feel?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Turned on. Super aroused.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This guy can drink beer through his nose.

[Tom Segura]

There's so many hidden talents out there.

[Constantine Kissing]

That's impressive.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, that genuinely is. And you know, when he was 19 years old and he was in college, that was the trick.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Totally. That's when this started.

[Tom Segura]

I'm. I'm betting hard against that. He went to college,

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Bro.

[Tom Segura]

But that is a very cool trick that he learned. Yeah. Asians, man, they're just better at everything. Do people give birth from this position?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Yes. I have friends. Just do it this way.

[Constantine Kissing]

It's actually a better way to give birth. I'm an expert.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Is it really?

[Constantine Kissing]

I've done it like three times. No, it's. You let him grab gravity, do the work. Right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's better than laying on your back and like, taking a. In a bed like this way, you can take a. On your baby's head as it's coming out, which is what I'd prefer to do.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, but I do imagine this feels better as a woman.

[Tom Segura]

Like to push, bear down, do it, do it again.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Were you there right off?

[Constantine Kissing]

You were?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

What'd you. What'd you make of it?

[Tom Segura]

It's awesome. All this came out and then. Then there was a baby. It was cool.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I mean, it took forever, man. I was just like, get the fuck. Push.

[Francis Foster]

What are you doing?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Lazy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, super lazy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He was eating a breakfast burrito through my first labor.

[Tom Segura]

Just sitting there, not the whole time.

[Constantine Kissing]

I imagine she. She's a bit of a ranta in. In those moments. Right.

[Tom Segura]

Look, we got in there at 3am Right? Okay. I had to go let the dog out. And on my way back.

[Constantine Kissing]

Priorities.

[Tom Segura]

I had to get a breakfast burrito, right? Then I came back. And then she still. I'm like, where's the baby? She's like, I don't feel it. It yet. It's like, you know, she took, I don't know how long. Hours. It was ridiculous. So, so much.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

How many kids do you.

[Constantine Kissing]

1.

[Tom Segura]

Were you there for it?

[Constantine Kissing]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

What'd you think of the miracle of life?

[Constantine Kissing]

I loved it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah, I loved it. It was kind of scary, though, because when he came out, they. He was either in there for two. I don't remember exact details, but they pulled some kind of rip cord, and like, about 50 people stormed in. I was just, like, standing at the wall like this. Just like, oh. And then 10 seconds later. Oh, he's fine. I was like, well, why did you have to do that thing then?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

But anyway. But apart from that, I actually really enjoyed it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Did you really enjoy it?

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The miracle.

[Constantine Kissing]

I was. I was delighted to be there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is Tom's reaction to everything. Like, oh, I just gave birth to our children. Go ahead, react.

[Tom Segura]

Great.

[Constantine Kissing]

This burrito is good.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, they.

[Tom Segura]

They put a. Put number one under the. The oven. You know, the heat lamp.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Ellis, our son, under the first one.

[Tom Segura]

And then.

[Constantine Kissing]

Oven is an interesting term.

[Tom Segura]

Then I was like, what's up, little dude? He grabbed my finger. That was adorable.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That was good.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

The best was bringing him to see Julian number two. And Julian was in the. In, like, the. The little bed. And. And I held Ellis. Ellis was like, two and a half. And we looked down, I go, that's your brother. And he was like, let's go. Don't bring that shit home. I was like, oh, he's coming home.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Can I tell you something, though? Like, did your wife shit while she was pushing?

[Constantine Kissing]

I feel like it's a private information, but yes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay. So I think it's very normal. I pushed out both of our boys.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He claims I never shit the bed.

[Constantine Kissing]

Who claims?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He does.

[Constantine Kissing]

All right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He was there watching me push for hours and hours.

[Constantine Kissing]

But that's a good. No, no. That's how you know it's about to come out, isn't it, dude?

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Constantine Kissing]

That's what the midwife said. Oh, she. The shit is coming. Yes, here we go. The shit is here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I didn't see come out, man. I don't know what to tell you. She keeps asking me. I'm like, I didn't see it. I didn't see. Now, I saw a bunch of, you know, blood. Yes. Fluid and everything come out when the baby came out.

[Constantine Kissing]

It's beautiful. If anyone's listening, It's. It's a great experience.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You should do it a lot.

[Constantine Kissing]

We're selling it. Well.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then. And then. Yeah. Then the baby. But I didn't. I didn't see come out. And she's always like, tell me the truth. I'm like, I didn't see.

[Constantine Kissing]

Why does it matter so much?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's lying to me.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I don't know why.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Because I'm. I didn't. Because when you're doing that, I just need to know if I. Or not. I just want to know the truth. I feel like I didn't. I wanna. I wanna go back in time and. And look at it now with a mirror. Like, I wish I put a mirror there so I could see what's happening.

[Constantine Kissing]

I feel like you're misallocating your focus a little bit.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, tell me, what do you mean?

[Constantine Kissing]

Well, you had a baby and then a little came out, like.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But I want to see the come out. I want to know it existed. I don't know why.

[Tom Segura]

You see what she picks?

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah, that's fair.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

All right, well, let's get. Let's get to the bottom of the question.

[Francis Foster]

We've got a friend of ours who's a comedian. When he was present for the birth of his first child, he actually fainted.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He did?

[Francis Foster]

Yeah. He literally fainted, like in the movie.

[Tom Segura]

Watching it. Watching it come out.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, he just went, wow, guy.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah, a little bit, you know.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

I mean, come on, man up.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, that wouldn't. That. You wouldn't want that as a woman, would you?

[Constantine Kissing]

You're not going to get any sympathy from your woman for that, are you?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No. Yeah, I probably would.

[Constantine Kissing]

What would you do if you fainted?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I'd be like, you're such a. Get over here, dude. Yeah. I probably. Honestly, in that moment, because you're so angry because you've already been pregnant for nine months. You've already gone through it all, and now I'm giving birth and you can't even stand there. Yeah, like, stand there, bro.

[Tom Segura]

I did. And I'm hungry. Hungry. Hospital didn't have to rest, Eat.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No. They should have better things to eat in hospitals. And they should have a bed for the dad to sleep in. Dude. They just give you guys that couch.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, but you know how you were just like, number one and you're like. The name is. That's a very Latin thing.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's so Latin to not know your kids.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, My mom goes to me. Yeah, my mom. My mom goes to me, which means, come here. She goes, ivan, Pedro, Luig, Manuel. Those are the names of her brothers.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

Then she goes through the names of the cousins, and then she goes, you, muchacho, whatever your name is. Yeah, come here. I'm like, mom, I'm an only child.

[Tom Segura]

It's just me.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah, there's just me. Literally. And you can't learn the name.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Francis Foster]

She goes, I know too many people.

[Tom Segura]

I do, too. I do, too.

[Francis Foster]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I always say the big one and the little one. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Francis Foster]

That's how you do it. Yeah, yeah. Come here,

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

All right. You're going to show them.

[Tom Segura]

All right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Here's. Yeah, this may. Okay.

[Constantine Kissing]

Oh, there's more.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay. I hate this. So this guy, I like that he

[Tom Segura]

keeps checking the camera robot that he

[Christina Pazsitzky]

can and dance with.

[Tom Segura]

I don't think he. That one.

[Francis Foster]

No.

[Constantine Kissing]

That is incredibly unappealing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah,

[Tom Segura]

he's a good dance partner.

[Constantine Kissing]

I mean, if AI girlfriends are coming, they need to up their game.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I hated it.

[Tom Segura]

This is the one that she really wanted to show you, though.

[Constantine Kissing]

Okay. There we go.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Chernobyl or Hungarian hospital.

[Francis Foster]

I see that this building is in

[Christina Pazsitzky]

a quite bad condition, and to be fair, it looks completely abandoned. So I'm quite certain that this is Chernobyl. This is a Hungarian hospital. This building looks like it went through a lot. I don't think that this is in Hungary. Even for Hungary, this would be way too bad.

[Tom Segura]

So I'm gonna go with Chernobyl, Bill.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I get tricked.

[Francis Foster]

But this is a Hungarian hospital. I would say that this looks bad,

[Christina Pazsitzky]

but it's pretty standard for toilets in Hungarian hospitals to look like this or

[Francis Foster]

be in similar conditions.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So I'm going to go with Hungarian hospital on this one.

[Francis Foster]

And this is indeed a Hungarian hospital.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This building doesn't even have balls, so it must be Chernobyl. If you guessed Chernobyl here like I did, then you were wrong. This is a Hungarian hospital.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There you go. Is Russia any better than this, though?

[Constantine Kissing]

I haven't been to back to Russia for a long time, but I used to go to Ukraine quite a lot, and that's exactly what toilets in the Ukrainian hospital.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Francis Foster]

Wow.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Constantine Kissing]

This is the most American podcast. Hey, guys. You're so poor.

[Francis Foster]

Look at you. That sucks.

[Constantine Kissing]

Can't even afford a hospital.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No.

[Tom Segura]

At least it's her mother country, though.

[Constantine Kissing]

This is my.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's only because I don't think Americans understand sometimes.

[Constantine Kissing]

Oh, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And they're like, oh, this country. Like, I was getting on the freeway and I saw graffiti. It was like, America's fascist. It's like, no, it's not. Not truly. You guys don't know what the you're talking about. Why don't you spend some time in a Hungarian hospital?

[Tom Segura]

There's. There's a lot of people don't know how good they have it.

[Constantine Kissing]

Oh, yeah. 100%. That's what I'm saying. No, no, I totally get. Really bothers me, actually, how little people understand. I always say, like, if you want to inoculate your children against being retarded, just. Just, like, have them travel around the world. I feel so grateful that I have family I can visit in, like, poorer parts of the world, in Ukraine and Armenia and other places, because that is like a vaccine against stupidity. A vaccine against ingratitude. A vaccine against this shit of, like, America and Britain is so terrible. And look, sometimes, you know, countries go in a bad direction, but still, we are so lucky.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Lucky still.

[Constantine Kissing]

Incredibly lucky.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Still at the top of the food chain, bros. Like, you want to be born on this side of the thing.

[Constantine Kissing]

You do not want a toilet like that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So should we take the kids to Hungary this summer is what I'm saying.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When's a good age to start taking them? To show them the. The plate?

[Constantine Kissing]

How old are yours?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

10 and 7.

[Constantine Kissing]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Right about now.

[Constantine Kissing]

Oh, right about now.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Maybe go to Budapest this summer.

[Constantine Kissing]

Budapest is actually really nice.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Budapest is beautiful.

[Constantine Kissing]

Take them to hospital again.

[Tom Segura]

I'll be in San Tropez. You guys,

[Christina Pazsitzky]

we gotta go. But everybody buy. Buy Francis Foster's new book, Uneducated.

[Francis Foster]

Yes, please.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

My life as a teacher. Why you should never become one. Amazing.

[Tom Segura]

And listen to trigonometry everywhere. You can get podcasts. What's your favorite place for people to show? YouTube.

[Francis Foster]

YouTube.

[Tom Segura]

Watch it on YouTube. Thank you guys both for coming in.

[Francis Foster]

It's a pleasure.

[Constantine Kissing]

Thanks for having us. It was awesome.

[Tom Segura]

And I hope you have some brisket while you're in town. Down.

[Francis Foster]

Always, always, Always.

[Tom Segura]

Sounds good. All right, we'll see you guys next time. Bye.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm talking, you're not talking. When I'm talking, you're not talking. When I'm talking, you're not talking. When I'm talking, you're not talking.

[Tom Segura]

Slow down, just a guess.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm talking, you're not talking.

[Francis Foster]

Talking, I can't understand.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm talking, you're not talking. When I'm talking, you're not talking. When I'm talking, you're not talking, you're

[Tom Segura]

speaking English in a Spanish cadence which is always perilous for me. Slow down, just a kiss.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

How you say, how you say, how you say cucumber? How you say, how you say, how you say cucumber? How you say, how you say, how you say cucumber? How you say, how you say, how you say cucumber?

[Tom Segura]

Break your neck.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is why, yes, we'll have to, like, just cut him out of the show.

[Tom Segura]

Snap, snap, snap, snap, snap your neck. Snap, snap. Do you know that, don't you? Don't.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm talking, you're not talking.

[Tom Segura]

Snap, snap.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm talking, you're not talking.

[Tom Segura]

Snap, snap, snap.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm talking, you're not talking.

[Tom Segura]

Snap, snap.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm talking, you're not talking. When I'm talking, you're not sucking.

[Tom Segura]

Snap, snap.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm sucking, you're not sucking.

[Tom Segura]

Snap, snap, snap.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm sucking, you're not sucking.

[Tom Segura]

Snap, snap.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm sucking, you're not sucking.

[Tom Segura]

I snap your neck.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm sucking, you're not sucking.

[Tom Segura]

Snap, snap.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm sucking, you're not sucking.

[Tom Segura]

Snap, snap, snap.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm talking, you're not sucking.

[Tom Segura]

Snap, snap.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm talking, you're not sucking.

[Tom Segura]

I snap your neck.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

How you say, how you say, how you say? Cucumber, how you safe? How you sake. How you safe, cucumber? How you save, how you save, how you save? Cucumber? How you safe? How you save, how you save Cucumber? This is why, yes, we'll have to like to just cut him out of the show.

[Tom Segura]

Snap, snap, snap, snap, snap. The neck. Snap, snap. You know that, don't you? Don't you?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm sucking, you're not sucking.

[Tom Segura]

Snap, snap.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm sucking, you're not sucking.

[Tom Segura]

Snap, snap, snap.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm sucking, you're not sucking.

[Francis Foster]

Snap, snap.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm sucking, you're not sucking.

[Tom Segura]

I snap your neck.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm sucking, you're not sucking.

[Tom Segura]

Snap, snap.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm sucking, you're not sucking.

[Tom Segura]

Snap, snap, snap.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm sucking, you're not sucking.

[Tom Segura]

Snap, snap.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm sucking, you're not sucking.

[Tom Segura]

I snap your neck.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm sucking, you're not sucking.

[Tom Segura]

Steps.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm sucking, you're not sucking.

[Tom Segura]

Snap, snap, snap.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm sucking, you're not sucking.

[Tom Segura]

Snap, snap.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm sucking, you're not sucking.

[Tom Segura]

I snap your neck.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

How you s. How you sick, how you sick, Cucumber. How you say, how you say, how you say cucumber, how you say, how you sick? How you you safe, cucumber? How you safe? How you safe? How you safe, cucumber?

[Tom Segura]

Break your neck and have him break your neck.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is why, yes, we'll have to, like, just cut him out of the show.

[Tom Segura]

Out of the show. Snap, snap, snap, snap, snap your neck. Snap, snap. You know that, don't you, don't you?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm talking, you're not talking.

[Francis Foster]

Snap, snap.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When I'm talking.

[Constantine Kissing]

There's a world where legends race across city skylines.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Romance blossoms in glittering ballrooms.

[Constantine Kissing]

And there's magic around every corner. It's a world known to many as Great Britain.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You've seen the action on screen. Now visit the real star of the show. Visit Great Britain.

[Constantine Kissing]

To discover more, go to tripadvisor.com Great Britain.