We Were Trapped! | Your Mom's House Ep. 843

Summary

Podcast Summary

Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura
Episode 843: "We Were Trapped!"
Date: January 21, 2026

Main Theme and Purpose

In this episode, married comedians Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura catch up remotely, sharing stories about parenting, travel mishaps, and their trademark NSFW observations on internet culture and daily life. A major thread is their recounting of being unexpectedly trapped abroad over the holidays, sparking discussion about travel chaos and building family resilience. The pair also riff on cultural icons like Arnold Schwarzenegger, muse about sexuality, and go on tangents about trash collectors, tax accountants, and practical self-defense.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Behind-the-Scenes on "Bad Thoughts" and Life in LA

• Tom provides a production update on his show "Bad Thoughts", describing the exhaustive but thrilling pre-production process:

  "Costume meetings, art department meetings, special effects meetings, casting sessions… there’s so much. …But I mean, that being said, I am very excited to do it." (01:20)

• Creative freedom and edgy material:

  "The show is say the worst thing and do the worst thing, so we should lean into it. And they were like, okay. And then we talked to the network, and they were like, yeah, great." (03:22)

• Remote relationship hijinks: Christina and Tom touch on missing each other amid Tom's hectic work schedule, keeping their family close despite distances.

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2. Raising Kids on Arnold Schwarzenegger and Iconic Movies

• Introducing the next generation to Terminator:

  • Christina tells how their 7-year-old Julian, who now insists on suits and "no baby stuff," is obsessed with "Terminator." The kids laugh at violence and mimic Schwarzenegger's accent:

    "Julian laughs maniacally when Arnold kills people. Like, it's not meant to be funny." (05:24)

  • They discuss how Schwarzenegger's accidental "I'll be back" became legendary due to James Cameron's direction:

    "James Cameron goes, how about you worry about muscles and I'll worry about what to say." (06:46)

  • Tom reminisces about idolizing bodybuilders and the iconic status of Schwarzenegger.

• Parental ethnic envy:

  • The hosts joke about wishing their family heritage was "cooler" and riff on having less-glamorous European and South American roots.

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3. Viral “Throat Goat” and Internet Weirdos

• Reacting to strange internet dudes:
  • They break down insane video clips of men offering money for sexual favors, noticing how direct and transactional some are about it:

    "At least he has the self respect to say, and I got some money for you. … So he's willing to pony up." (18:52)

  • Christina and Tom muse about "throat goat" culture and the peculiar legacy of self-styled internet “cool guys.”

    "I don't know if you want that to be your legacy, you know, I don't think that's a claim you want to put out there." (20:49, Tom)

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4. The Infamous Holiday Travel Disaster: "We Were Trapped!"

• Getting stuck abroad:

  • Tom and Christina explain how U.S. airspace closures stranded their family in the Caribbean, and their announcement video unexpectedly blew up:

    "We recorded it... And then some how after we did that, like, I get messages from people. Hey, you're on tmz." (22:41)

  • The worst part wasn't paradise, but the constant false starts:

    "They would go, all right, you can leave now... And then you get to the airport, and they're like, guess what? You're not leaving." (23:38)

  • Parenting under stress:

    • They describe coping with uncertainty, teaching their kids resilience, and the power of iPads and snacks:

      "If it was just the two of us... it's a totally different thing. It's just with kids, you're just kind of like, what the..." (27:03)

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5. Instagram Deep Dive: Mike Fideli, the Muscular Miami Accountant

• Tom's new obsession:

  • They analyze a flamboyant Miami accountant’s Instagram, appreciating his transparency about fitness, finance, and living large.

    "He's a professional, but he's letting you know, I'm in doctor. My package is about to fall off. Too many big asses to satisfy." (32:00, Tom) "I wish more people would be this transparent." (34:23, Christina)

  • Practical tax advice:

    • Christina asks about the difference between 1099 and W2, and Tom explains it with typical show humor (36:45-37:27).

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6. Situational Awareness, Self-Defense, and Old-School Safety

• Reading from "Situational Awareness and Safe Family Travel"

  • Christina pokes fun at ultra-cautious travel tips (38:01), with Tom riffing on applying combat strategies to family vacations.

  • They play clips from safety expert Larry Betts about elevator hazards, dog leashes, and stranger danger, gently mocking the drab delivery but appreciating the practical advice.

    "Danger is fucking everywhere... And I hate just going about my life pretending like it's not constantly there." (45:09)

  • Throwback PSAs and self-defense tips:

    • Clips about "grab the testicles" and "poke out eyes" drills are met with nostalgia ("Stranger danger is still relevant"—46:52).

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7. Sex, Sexuality, and Taboo Humor

• Christina's newfound taste:

  • Christina admits that viewing explicit gay clips at work has influenced her turn-ons:

    "Since we've been playing all these gay porn clips, I'm into it." (16:11)

  • Tom references the fluidity of sexuality, playfully concluding:

    "You're a gay man. Yeah. You're good. You've always been a gay man. You're a handsome gay man." (17:47)

• The eternal Will & Mantak Chia tease:

  • Tom fantasizes comedically about two viral men’s "meeting of penis swords" (48:30–50:40).

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8. Pot vs. Alcohol: The Viral Debate

• Reaction to Christina and Joe’s anti-marijuana clip going viral:

  • They mock the backlash and double down on their differing stances.

    "You guys are dorks. And you guys are wrong. You guys are lame." (51:48, Tom)

  • Christina laments stoner culture aesthetics:

    "If they could make pot culture cooler, maybe I'd be on board. Like, can we put some dark colors in the vibe? Like if Peter Murphy were a pothead..." (54:08)

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9. Trash Collection Deep-Dive: Talking to a Pro

• Field trip to the dump:
  • Christina grills a garbage veteran on how many bodies they find ("never the head"), gets Mafia history lessons, and hears how trash work is a beloved career for many (56:32–58:09).
  • They riff on creative body disposal and incinerator business ideas, in full YMH dark-comedy fashion (60:10–63:16).

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10. Nostalgia and Parenting Reflections

• Kids roasting each other on video, growing up fast:
  • The hosts reflect on embarrassing old camcorder videos, how junior high is peak craziness, and wishing they could undo their own youthful cringe (65:00–66:26).
• Episode closes with playful nicknames (“fart dog”), creative sign-off, and a rap track.

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• On parenting and growth:

  "Remember when... you have babies, you're like, I can't wait till this guy talks. ... Fast forward seven, 10 years and you're like. But you shut the up. Ever?" (28:08)

• On being stranded:

  "It wasn't being in the Caribbean. ...The part that sucked is that they would go, all right, you can leave now... and then you go to the airport, they're like, guess what? You're not leaving." (23:38)

• Arnold Schwarzenegger lore:

  "How about you worry about muscles and I'll worry about what to say." (06:46, quoting James Cameron)

• On Miami accountant Mike Fideli:

  "I'm in doctor. My package is about to fall off. Too many big asses to satisfy." (32:00, Tom)

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Important Segments & Timestamps

• Tom discusses "Bad Thoughts" S2 & LA production: 01:29–03:40
• Parenting & showing kids Terminator: 04:12–08:11
• "Throat goat" video/clip breakdown: 18:08–21:10
• Locked abroad & Caribbean travel hell story: 21:13–28:08
• Instagram accountant Mike Fideli segment: 30:36–37:27
• Safety tips & situational awareness book: 38:01–45:24
• Christina on watching gay porn, sexuality: 16:11–17:55
• Self-defense throwback clips: 46:11–47:09
• Pot vs. alcohol viral clip & banter: 50:49–55:36
• Garbage dump field trip & body disposal riff: 56:32–64:27
• Reflections on embarrassing youth/parenting: 65:00–66:26

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Tone and Style

The episode is loose, irreverent, and sharply observational, mixing personal anecdotes with raunchy internet commentary, delivered in Christina and Tom’s bantering, wildly unfiltered style. They approach dark subjects, taboo topics, and mundane life with the same mix of mockery, genuine curiosity, and shared marital affection.

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For listeners: This episode showcases Tom and Christina’s effortless rapport, their ability to elevate any mundane experience (from garbage dumps to airport delays) into comedic gold, and infuse social commentary with offbeat sincerity and no-holds-barred candor.

Transcript

[Larry Betts]

Well, welcome.

[Tom Segura]

Welcome to your mom's house.

[Larry Betts]

Mercy is coming to theaters this Friday.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is the Mercy Court. Powered by Artificial Intelligence. Detective Raven, you're charged with the murder of your wife.

[Larry Betts]

I'm not guilty.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You have 90 minutes to prove it or you will be executed.

[Larry Betts]

Experience an immersive thrill ride.

[Tom Segura]

Every camera and cell phones at your disposal in imax. Can I see my daughter's Socials?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Hear that?

[Larry Betts]

Someone was in my basement. Chris Pratt. Maybe found something she wasn't supposed to.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Rebecca Ferguson, you must move from one piece of the puzzle to the next.

[Tom Segura]

No, I have something here.

[Larry Betts]

Oh, my God. Mercy, rated PG13, may be inappropriate for children under 13. Only in theaters Friday.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, I'm sorry. Which camera? Oh, that's me. Is that me? Hi. Hi. Welcome to your mom's house. I was just reading my favorite book, Situal Situ. Sexual Situational Awareness and Safe Family Travel Strategies through the Magic. The magic of Technology. I am here with my co host, Tim Segura. He is coming from la, everybody. Tim.

[Tom Segura]

Thank you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We miss you. What are you doing?

[Tom Segura]

Just chilling, dog. You know, just wanted a little Pacific air, you know what I mean?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So big air.

[Tom Segura]

I'm on the west coast, best coast, where they pack toast. And I decided to just come out here, get, get. Get a little fresh air. And that's what I'm doing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We miss you.

[Tom Segura]

So we're in prep. We are in prep on season two of Bad Thoughts. It is so crazy, so crazy how much goes into. Because, I mean, I know I did it last year, too, but I think there's this thing where there was so much mystery, you know, of like, what do you do that? You're kind of. The days fly by differently. And this year we're doing it in la. And now it's just like, you just see all the tasks that have to be done and you're like, holy shit. It's just so. It's so much, you know, from like, costume meetings, art department meetings, f special effects meetings, casting sessions, you know, writer sessions, like on and on and on and on. And it's just a lot of work. And we're. We start production in a few days, so we start shooting the season. And it's going to be. It's a lot. But I mean, that being said, I am very excited to do it. Very excited.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, it's your favorite thing in the whole world, I think, making the show.

[Tom Segura]

It's so goddamn fun. I can't believe they let us do it. It's one of those things, you know, like every Time we. We. We hand in scripts. We kind of are like, all right, let's see what they say. And then we have these meetings where they're like, loved it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's amazing.

[Larry Betts]

Really?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's great. Cool. Yeah, they've been so supportive. I mean, they've given us notes, but not the kind of notes that you think it's never really about. This is, too. There's one. I guess I'll talk about it more when it comes out where somebody in our staff was like, this is a. Like, I think it's a crime to even say this. Like, this is a really horrible thing to say. I think we should.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like, you could get persecuted.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. They're like, this is. I. I'll be able to explain it more, but they're like, you can't say this. You can't do this. And I was like, that's the fun of the show, though. The show is say the worst thing and do the worst thing, so we should lean into it. And they were like, okay. And then we talked to the network, and they were like, yeah, great.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's awesome.

[Tom Segura]

They're like, it's great. So it's fun. It's fun. It is lonely out here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We love you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I mean, I miss, you know, miss you guys. Miss the fam. Miss. Miss all of it. But thankfully, it's so much work that you kind of just get distracted by that, you know?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, we know. We know. And the kids and I miss you so much.

[Tom Segura]

And I'm coming home.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Thank God. For how long? How long can you stay?

[Tom Segura]

A couple days.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, just so you know what you're getting into, I started showing the boys the Terminator movies, and the first one, they lost their minds. Especially that part.

[Tom Segura]

Terminator.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, my God. Because, first of all, Julian now is officially 7 years old, and he's like, I don't want to watch any PG bullshit. I don't want any G movies.

[Tom Segura]

Always that. He's like, you treat me like I'm kid. He gave me pajamas with dogs and rockets on them. It's like, for a fucking baby. I'm like, okay, pajamas.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, yeah. He's also made it so that I have to throw out all the clothes that have baby things on them like that. And he only wears suits. Like, last night, your mom and Jane came over for dinner, and he put on a velvet suit to just sit in our house and eat dinner. That's where he's at.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So they love the Terminator. The first one. They loved it when Schwarzenegger was Digging his robot eye out, like, where it's beady red for the first time you see it. And they were like, oh. I'm like, now we're at T2. Julian laughs maniacally when Arnold kills people. Like, it's not meant to be funny.

[Tom Segura]

But your son is, like, so humorous.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, it's not supposed to be. And. And then he loves when he's in the first movie when Schwarzenegger says you. He really liked that. He's been saying that around the house a lot.

[Tom Segura]

Well, he said it on the phone yesterday to me. So I was kind of like, huh, that's an interesting way to greet your dad. He goes, you. I was like, what? You're like, we're watching the Terminator. I was like, oh, okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And I like how they're. To me, they're like, how do you do the accent so well? I'm like 50, dude. Been listening to Schwarzy talk my whole life. He's the best.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, we all have. Yeah, he has one of those accents where I remember the, like, being young and hearing impressionists do it, and you're like, whoa.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And the older you get, everybody can do it. Everybody, like every adult can do his accent.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'll be back. And those lines are so iconic, the kids even know them. I guess they have them in their video games or something people are still using.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that's a totally iconic line. And then if you watch that Arnold documentary, you learn that. That he misspoke when he said that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Real.

[Tom Segura]

So the script. Yeah, the script said something else. The script said, like, I will be back. Or, you know, some version of that. Yeah, so he said, I'll be back. And then cut. He's like, oh, sorry to James Cameron. Like, I. I misspoke. And James Cameron said, no, say it. Say it like that again. Say, I'll be back again. And Arnold was like, no, no, I can do it. I. I'll do it as it was in the script. And James Cameron goes, how about you worry about muscles and I'll worry about what to say.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I hope you get like that on your set of Bad Thoughts with your actors.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. The original scripted as I'll come back.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's amazing. I'll be back. And that became iconic in his face. And he even looks like a robot. And his body is just ridiculous. The kids love it when they land naked. When the Terminators land naked, they think that's the coolest thing ever. It's so good.

[Tom Segura]

Well, he. Man, that. That physique, you know, that was seven time Mr. Olympia.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep.

[Tom Segura]

Like, there's. That's. That's the. The benchmark of, like, the perfect male physique. It's crazy, I know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And then. And then I tell them. I'm like, yeah, that guy was born in nowhere, Austria. And then he becomes a bodybuilder, and then he becomes Mr. Olympia World or whatever, moves to LA, and then he becomes a movie star, arguably, like one of the most famous of all time. And then he becomes the governor of California. And they were like, what? It's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

He's an amazing guy. I remember, too, that you. You know, my dad was a competitive Olympic lifter. And when you're a kid, I think you're more visual, right? You're like, the aesthetic is what's crazy. So all we had was, like, weightlifting trophies all over the house and weights and photos of weight. My dad in weightlifting competitions. And I remember being little and you're so mesmerized by Arnold. And I was like, why don't you look like him? Like you lift all these weights. He was like, what? I go, look at him. Looks amazing. Why don't you look harder? He's a bodybuilder, okay? Those guys are gay. I'm an Olympic lifter. I was like, what? I didn't understand it. I was like, you try to look like that, dude, that's awesome.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I was always mad that my dad had an accent, but the shitty Hungarian one, not the cool Austrian one that Arnold had. Yeah, my dad kind of sounds like him, but I'm never the good European. I'm always the dirty kind. You know, same dude.

[Tom Segura]

Same dude.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What kind of Latin did you want to be?

[Tom Segura]

No, you just wanted to be like something. You always want to be something sexier, you know? Yeah, like, we're from Peru, and you're like, peru, I know. Yeah. Be like, either Argentine or, like, Italian. Or Spain. Spain would have been cool because it's European. Yeah. I was always like, oh, Peru, Llamas and cocaine. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What else?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, who cares?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

At least you have that. One of the. Is it one of the seven, eight wonders of the world is Machu Picchu? What Hungarians have the vatsa, the Danube? Dracula. We don't even have Dracula. Dracula.

[Tom Segura]

In Romania, strict immigration laws. Yeah, Hungos have that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, we claim the. The old empire. That's what they talk about all the time.

[Tom Segura]

Used to be the Austrian, Hungarian Empire.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The Turks butt us.

[Tom Segura]

You wanna. You wanna start the show? How about an open?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, my gosh, I can't believe we can do this magic here.

[Tom Segura]

We go. If I'm digging in your deep and you can't take it, don't grab the pillow and hide your face. N. I want to see it. Yeah, I want to see your face taking this pipe. Don't hide it. Own thy secrets.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Who is Randy?

[Tom Segura]

Don't bring anyone secrets. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And Christina.

[Tom Segura]

Welcome to your mom's house.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm going to pick up my drums.

[Tom Segura]

You know what I'm saying? So I don't like secrets.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This guy doesn't like.

[Tom Segura]

I gotta tell you, this is. This is one of the few that made me uncomfortable. God. Well, he doesn't like the terrible angle. Terrible angle. He's in his car. I feel like his voice is deep, but he's doing that thing where you shift it to go deeper. Like, you can make it deeper. Yeah. But then, like, did you. Is this supposed to be a public message? Like, this is your message to the world? Because it feels like it's intended for someone. Like, I don't know that this needs to be in the public forum.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, he says he doesn't like secrets. He doesn't like secrets. And I believe him because he's telling us his deepest stuff from his car. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I want to see your face taking his pipe. I want to see your face taking this pipe.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Who is this for, man? This is from one.

[Tom Segura]

What? It's crazy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is for one other. This is for one lady, right? It's for a lady.

[Tom Segura]

Like, of course it's for a lady.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean, of course. Say that. It could be for a.

[Tom Segura]

No, this is for a lady. No, this guy's not. He's not. Come on. Don't disrespect him like that. What? No, no, it's not for me. I. I was waiting for the question.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, let's take a second to talk about sleep because Helix has completely changed the mattress game. I used to wake up several times a night, whether it was from back pain, being too hot, or feeling Tom make even the slightest movement, it was total nightmare. So much so that it got to the point where I was waking up more tired than I was when I went to bed. So, thankfully, I took the Helix sleep quiz and got matched with a perfect mattress. For me, specifically, it's not some one size fits all garbage. They take into account how you sleep in what position and your temperature preferences. They have it down to a science. So much that they ran a study and found 82% of people saw an increase in their deep sleep on a Helix Mattress with their 120 night sleep trial so you can actually test it out. And Helix even brings it right to your door with free shipping. Go to helix.com ymh 27% off site wide. That's helixsleep.com ymh for 27% off site wide. Make sure you enter our show name after checkout so they know we sent you.

[Tom Segura]

Helix.com ymh Big thanks to DraftKings Sportsbook for sponsoring this podcast. New customers bet $5 for the chance to get $300 in bonus bets if your bet wins. We're entering the thick of playoff madness. The best teams will be going head to head, and somebody's season will end this Sunday. College basketball's in full conference play, the NBA's heating up as we head toward the all star break, and NHL's got games going on all week. It's prime time for betting on every sport, especially football. The next great touchdown is coming, and DraftKings sportsbook is the place to put money on it. If a drive starts looking good, jump in and bet live as it's happening. Then throw some bonus bets on a same game parlay, stack a few player props and add a team total for a massive potential payout. New customers turn five bucks into 300 if your bet wins. Paid in bonus bets. Just sign up using the promo code. Mom, that's M O M. The crown is yours.

[Larry Betts]

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[Christina Pazsitzky]

Why 467-369 in Connecticut.

[Larry Betts]

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[Christina Pazsitzky]

Void in Ontario.

[Larry Betts]

Restrictions apply. Bet must win to receive bonus bets which expire in seven days. Minimum odds required.

[Tom Segura]

NBA league pass.

[Larry Betts]

Auto renews until canceled. Additional terms at DKNG Co Audio Limited time offer.

[Tom Segura]

But would you also. Would you agree that this is not for this? He's putting this for ladies. Yes. I hope so.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

How do you know?

[Tom Segura]

I just. You know, a man can pray. I hope so.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I. I have to tell you that since we've been watching these clips, I have been now turned on by gay men having sex with each other. And in my heart, I. Fucking Christ.

[Tom Segura]

What are you talking about?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm. I'm out now. It's a YMH exclusive. I'VE never enjoyed it in my whole life. But since we've been playing all these gay porn clips, I'm into it.

[Tom Segura]

Like, I, you know, that's like a very. That's a very. No, this is a big thing that a lot of straight women say claim that they watch gay porn. This is a. This is a known thing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And I know, and I had a friend who did, and I would make fun of her for years and years and years. And now I don't know what it is. I've changed.

[Tom Segura]

You're watching it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No.

[Tom Segura]

You're watching gay porn.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, I. I mean, just here at work, but not at home.

[Tom Segura]

Just. Just at my job. Okay. No, I. I've asked. I've. I've asked too. I'm like, what are you talking about? How could you? And they're like, oh, they're better looking. They have better physiques. And. And it's just. And it's just. It's all men. So they, they. They get off on it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I guess now I get it. And I. I used to like watching girls make out more because I maybe was more of a lesbian, but now I'm a gay man and I think I love.

[Tom Segura]

What the.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What is that?

[Tom Segura]

Sexuality is. Sexuality is fluid. We know this. This has been a. This is well known. Sexuality is fluid.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What. What am I? If I'm a straight lady that likes gay porn? Is there a. What am I?

[Tom Segura]

You're a gay man. Yeah. You're good. You've always been a gay man. You're a handsome gay man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I feel like it. I love to be a handsome gay man. They figured life out. They're fantastic. Anyway, I'm hoping this is for a gentleman because I'd like to see the next video.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. Follow this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know what I mean?

[Tom Segura]

I got another brother. We've got something to say. Calling all throat goats. Calling all throat goats. This guy, you know the ones, they be choking and coughing and wheezing. Spitting. Yeah. If you throw goat. If you could eat it. If you're a professional expert eater, I think I might have 200 for you. 200, that's cool. Yeah, I mean, you know what I like about this? This guy's officially one of the coolest guys I feel like we've ever. I don't think he gets his credit for his level of cool. No, but see, some of these cool guys, they'll be like, you like to. And they give out their number and you're like, at least he has the self respect to say, and I got Some money for you. So he's. He's not just being like, do you want to blow me? This spectacular specimen that I am. He's like, are you good at it? I might have 200 for you. So he's willing to pony up. He is pony as he should.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And I look. It looks as though he has money because. Is that his sauna? Is he laying in?

[Tom Segura]

Are those his Oakley? Yeah, it's rad. Is that his sauna?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What is he sitting in? It looks like that's a. I think.

[Tom Segura]

That'S the headboard of a 1987 style bed.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

$200 for the throat goat. But if she is the throat goat, I think it's worth more than 200. If she's the greatest of all time.

[Tom Segura]

And this is what the marketplace is all about. It's about supply and demand. It's about making an offer, negotiating. That might be his opening offer. You know, she can be like, I'm the greatest. Not 200 is not going to do it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The greatest. Wasn't there a girl in music videos that was known for being that the video Vicks?

[Tom Segura]

There's a few ladies that have. Have. Yeah, yeah. There's some ladies that claim that they're the best, you know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But 200 is not going to motivate them, I'll tell you that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

A video vixen is a woman featured prominently in hip hop and R B videos or appeal. Ability to attract tension often. Oh, this is it. This is it. It was a book. Oh. Her name was Karine Steffens. Confessions of a video vixen, which detailed exploitation, abuse and the industry's dark side. She's ahead of her time.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She was like, I'll tell you some. You want to talk some?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Call me.

[Tom Segura]

I bet some horrible things happen. Horrible things.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, I hope she at least made money off the book. Poor woman. Well, she's cute. That is a wild thing, though, to be like, I'm the greatest blowjob giver of all time.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I don't know if you want that to be your legacy, you know, I don't think that's a claim you want to put out there. You can keep that between you and whoever you're with.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

You don't need it to be like your identity.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know, that's her identity. She's like, I want you to know first and foremost, before you know anything else about me. I can suck dicks. Really? Well.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That's crazy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's wild thing to lead with.

[Tom Segura]

We should also address the Fact that, you know, we were abroad during the holidays. We were overseas, and when we. We were. We were actually the.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Locked up abroad.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, we were in the. The Caribbean. We were out there doing our thing and stuff like that and enjoying ourselves. And we made a video. This is pretty interesting. We made a video because if you guys recall, when this happened, when we were over the holidays, when. When we were on vacation, is when the United States went into Venezuela and they were like, we want your oil. I mean, you're a bad guy. And they took Maduro out, and he and his wife and this operation led to airspace being shut down. So what ended up happening is we were going to be home and to record a podcast episode, and we ended up getting stuck because the airspace kept getting shut down. While we were doing that, our lovely staff was like, hey, could you just record a video so that we can post it about why there's no podcast this week? Right? And we. We recorded it. It was just to be like, hey, this is why there's no podcast. And then some how after we did that, like, I get messages from people. Hey, you're on tmz. I start getting texts from people in high school, people I went to high school with, I haven't spoken to in years. They're like, you okay? What are you talking about?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Our agent was like, hey, I saw you guys on tmz.

[Tom Segura]

You guys are still there. Yeah. And I think some people thought that we were just informing the world of our whereabouts. I was like, this is just for our podcast audience, dude. Like, we're just saying why there's no episode this week. So anyway, anyway, we got stuck there, and people are like, oh, boohoo. Which I. I made a mockery of in the video. I realized nobody's going to be like, I feel so bad for you. What's. What sucked wasn't being stuck in the Caribbean. What sucked is that they would go, all right, you can leave now. Like, the. Your. Your flight's going to take off in a couple hours. So you get all your. Grab your luggage, get a vehicle, grab your kids, go to the airport. And you go to the airport, and they're like, guess what? You're not leaving. And you're like, why? Like, because the airspace got shut down again. You're like, oh, cool. So you get all your stuff, load in a car, go to a hotel, check into that hotel, you know, do the whole thing again. You get a phone call. Guess what? A plane got the rights to come in. And they said, you guys can be on that flight. So you're gonna leave in about two hours. You're like, all right. So you grab all your. Go back to the airport. They're like, just kidding. You can't. You're like, all right, that was the part that sucked. It wasn't being in the Caribbean.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And also to your credit, to be fair, I don't think you understand the level when Tom says, we grabbed all our stuff. Tom would go down to the desk of whatever, you know, we were staying near the airport. So these are not like. These weren't like luxury suites, you know. And he's like, can I. Can I have the luggage cart? And the guy was like, I don't know, man, I might need it later. Their voices.

[Tom Segura]

Island time is a real thing, dude. Island time is, dude. The first one, the craziest one, the one that made me lose my mind was we get to a hotel. They were price gouging, right? Which I was expecting because they knew that there was now a high need for rooms. So they're like, oh, this hundred dollar a night hotel, it's eighteen hundred dollars. You're like, what the. So we get to this hotel and most hotels have a 3 or 4pm, you know, check in time. So we had a 4pm guaranteed check in. All right, so we get there at 2 and the guy's, well, the room's not ready. I'm like, I know. So 4 o'. Clock. He's like, yeah, 4 o'. Clock. I was like, okay. So we go, we have lunch. And then we're just trying to, like, just, you know, give the kids something to do. Now it's like 3:45. So I go, I'm gonna go check on the room. So I go to the front desk, and this time it's a lady. And I go, hey, I'm just checking on my room. And she's like, yes, now ready? I go, but it'll be ready in 15 minutes. And she was like, what? I go, well, 4 o'. Clock. She's like, no. I go, but it's a guaranteed 4 o' clock check in. She goes, yeah, it's not. And I go, well, when? When will it be ready then? Like 4:30. She's like, I don't know. I go, that's not.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't know.

[Tom Segura]

That's not like a. That's not like a real answer. Yeah. Like, can you give me a window? And she goes, I don't feel comfortable giving you a window. I go, why? She goes, because it's in the queue to get clean. But it's not. They haven't gotten to it. I go, so. But, like, 4:45, it'll be ready. She was like, I don't know. I go, that's crazy. What do you mean? Like, you have to have some idea of when it's already been paid for. And she goes, I just don't feel comfortable. And then she would just look at me like. And I'm like, you have to. You have to say something. You have to take. You have to say five o'.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Clock.

[Tom Segura]

And she's like, I don't know. And as I'm, like, getting ready to go, like, this is crazy. A guy in the lobby starts playing the steel drums. So you're like, oh. Then it, like, it snaps you out of. You're like, oh, this is a. This is a comedy, right? Now that I'm in. So I was like, okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Silly. It's silly.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, I'll just. I'll walk away.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, too. And, like, our. All our bags are being held. So, like, you know, you go to the gift shop, you buy bathing suits for your kids. Like, just throw them in the pool for a couple of hours in this place. And then. Yeah, it's all it was. It was an adventure. I have to say, our little. It was an adventure held up really well. It's really stressful for, like, small kids to be.

[Tom Segura]

I think that's the thing. If it was just the two of us. Yeah, it's a totally different thing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It's just with. With kids, you're just kind of like, what the. Because they keep going, like, when are we going home? When you're like, I actually don't know. Throw some at him to distract them.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. They don't have chicken nuggets, like, no, dude. I don't know. Where are we? We're nowhere. They don't got here, homie. But I think it's a good lesson, right, to teach them resilience. And, you know, we got stuck in London during the Heathrow fires, the. The two boys and me last spring. And, you know, they were troopers, too. We stayed, we hung out. We had to fly home all up, too. And they just. You just throw them an iPad and some snacks. Thankfully, they're at the age now where iPad and candy goes a long way. You just hear some Roblox, dude. Yeah, fine.

[Tom Segura]

They're like, shut up.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Shut up. Because they will not stop talking, dude. Like, they just talk. Like, I feel like we're at this stage of parenthood where it's just listening to talk all day.

[Tom Segura]

Remember when, like when you have babies, you're like, I can't wait till this guy talks. All I want is to hear what this guy has to say. Some words. Express yourself.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Fast forward seven, 10 years and you're like. But you shut the up. Ever? Do you ever stop talking ever shut the up.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Now that the holidays are over, you might be feeling like you've got a big spending hangover. The drinks, the holiday food, the gifts, it all adds up. Luckily, Mint Mobile is here to help you cut back on overspending on wireless this January with 50% off unlimited premium wireless. All plans come with high speed data and unlimited talk and text delivered on the nation's largest 5G network. We've been using Mint Mobile for our office phones here at the studio. It was so easy to switch over and working with them has been seamless. This January, quit overspending on wireless. Plans start at $15 per [e-mail] wireless. That's mintmobile.com mom limited time offer upfront payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months or $180 for 12 months. Plan required $15 per month equivalent taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. May slow when network is busy. Capable device required availability, speed and coverage very c mint mobile.com it's the time of the year to reflect on how far you've come and how much further you want to go. With the new year here, it's time to let go of the excuses and start your business with Shopify. We've been using Shopify to power our merch store for years, and they've made selling merch so easy. Millions of entrepreneurs have already made this leap from household names to brands like ours. Here at ymh, Shopify has everything you need to sell online and in person. They have hundreds of templates to match your brand and built in AI tools to help you write headlines, descriptions and even edit product photos. In 2026, stop waiting and start selling with Shopify. Sign up for your $1 per month trial and start selling today at shopify.com ymh go to shopify.com y that's shopify.com ymh well, you know, I've been doing.

[Tom Segura]

A deep dive on. I've been like, so. So this is just a reminder of who the guy is because you have seen him before. Okay, this is him. I'm Mike Fideli from Fidelity and Associates. We're here in south beach to provide income tax and IRS services to High net worth athletes and entertainers who have many serious IRS problems. So this guy, I was like, I remember seeing this. I was like, this is kind of a crazy marketing tool. Like a human doll inside the Rolls Royce. And he's. He's talking about tax issues. And you're like, all right. It's kind of. It's kind of a character. And then I've seen, like, so much more. He's really opened up.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

Like his really life on ig, you get to know him better. Like, this is also him.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, doctor.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. But again, this is his accountant page. He's like, I'm. Do you have IRS trouble?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yo, Can I tell you, I'm so. I'm so silly. I didn't notice. That was him.

[Tom Segura]

That's him. He's got a great head of hair. He really does.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Are you kidding me?

[Tom Segura]

He was just slicked back in the first one.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Abs, great.

[Tom Segura]

And he's also, again, he's a professional, but he's letting you know, I'm in, doctor. My package is about to fall off. Too many big asses to satisfy. And you're like, hey, that's my guy. That's the guy who got me an extension on my taxes this year. You know what I mean? Like, then he's like. It's like I'm looking at my arms right now, and I'm like, I haven't lifted in three months. I don't want arms this big. He's doing a humble brag here also. The room is chaos. This room is chaos.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. What's he got going? A lot of supplements.

[Tom Segura]

A lot of vitamins and supplements. Sunglasses. There's just everywhere. And then also, to be fair, Mike, my room, same. I have a lot of stuff out, too. It's hard to keep organized. Maybe if I was like, hey, you should come see me about some of your financial issues, I would probably, you know, move things around. But still, because I'm running the Miami half marathon, I want small arms right now. You get it? Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't want big.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, the burden of my muscular arms as I run.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's too hot. He's got too many fat asses to satisfy in. Doctor, this guy's got problems.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, man. You got any tax trouble, call my guy Mike. I mean, I don't know what to do. I haven't done a push up. I haven't done a chin ups. I haven't done anything. I haven't lifted a weight in three months. This video is just about the fact that my arms look great and I haven't done anything to make them look great.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He hasn't done a chin ups in month. But he's so swole. I love that. Good for him.

[Tom Segura]

He's on my Instagram, asked me, how do you think these Gen Z spend their time? Well, I can tell you they're wasting it every day. And so then he also does this kind of like. But I'm saying what I like about Mike is that he's, he's showing you everything. He's giving you his full life.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's well rounded. Yeah. And I think this is the trend on Instagram now. Like I follow other attorneys actually who show you like a day in the life of, of an immigration lawyer and what they, you know, the fitness routine. But it's nice that he's honest and he's not showing you the facade. Like, he's like, no, no. I go to doctor, I dry hump fat ass chicks. I'm running the thing, my arms are too swollen. Like I, I love it. I wish more people would be this transparent.

[Tom Segura]

He deals with. Sometimes he gets haters in his comments and some of his posts he just goes like, what's your body fat percentage? He just shits on them like that. It's great. He did a post recently where he challenged, he challenged people to try to beat him. I think it was like in 5K or something. And he offered them $10,000 if you could beat him. I was like that, you know, people are going to. Someone's going to lock into that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Somebody's going to take him up on that. Yeah, but I prefer, I prefer this to the guy that pretends to be normal and then behind closed doors, right? Like, you know what? You get this kind of guy. You get.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, this is the guy you're getting. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He does look great.

[Tom Segura]

Looks great. He's 62. Jeez. Scroll down. Hold on. There's going to be one where it looks like he's wearing like a. Scroll down. He's holding cash. He's got like a oversized shirt on a little more. He's always archived stuff.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, it might be.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you know, he probably took that down because he was like, 10 grand's a lot to give away. Yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Hair, dude, look at that hair. It's a lot of crazy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

10 grand to beat him. Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Look at the one underneath that though. The one underneath that's got like a. Look at that hair, bro.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Incredible. Incredible. Yeah, you should bring the style back for sure.

[Tom Segura]

Ask my accountant, man. You talk about Mike, my accountant. This guy got me 3300 back this year.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Look at it.

[Tom Segura]

Great.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Look at that pony. Oh, wow.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's showing you. He shows you everything, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But he's got a great life. He's got. He's got muscles. He's doing it. Oh, dark beard. I like you better without the beard. Yeah. Or a gray beard. Yeah, there you go.

[Tom Segura]

You like him clean shaven?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's a. Look at that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That was a nice one. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Look at that tiger, dude, man. Diamond panther.

[Tom Segura]

Cool, right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Dude, he's got a diamond panther, bro.

[Tom Segura]

It's badass. It's so Miami. He's such a Miami guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Really cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I have a question.

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What's the difference between a 1099 and a W2?

[Tom Segura]

Great question. Glad you asked. Difference is, W2 is for an employee. 1099 is for an independent contractor. And the great thing about 1099 is.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You can take expenses against that that.

[Tom Segura]

You can't take if you're just an employee. A W2 employee for a company. You could take, like travel, cell phone. Yeah. Home, office deduction, rent. Oh, you know what else you could deduct? The. The boat that you chartered and the women that you hired to make this video. Those would be examples of something you could deduct. So that's pretty cool. Yeah, I love him. I feel like I love this guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I do, too. I feel like he grew up the. The. The son of immigrants. You know what I mean? Like, I think he's got a lot more swag and flavor, and his mother was like, you must go and become tax attorney is good money. And he's like, all right, Mom. But his heart is like a record guy. Like, he should be like an ANR guy or something. Right.

[Tom Segura]

It feels like. I mean, he loves the party, obviously.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. This guy was meant to be, like, a promoter or something. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You were reading safety protocol when we started.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Situational awareness.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, there's tons of good stuff.

[Tom Segura]

There's a lot of good stuff there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's all really valuable. Let me find. Okay. So if you want to go to dinner out with your family.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

When choosing a restaurant, take a moment to assess its. Its basic safety and security measures. Look for visible surveillance cameras. This is when you're just going to a restaurant with your kids. Sprinkler system.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Emergency exits and fire extinguishers.

[Tom Segura]

Right. That could also be an improvised weapon. I remember that from a previous video.

[Larry Betts]

As I've mentioned, before I started working in the elevator industry back in the mid to late 80s. And one of the buildings we had on service was the galleria. And in 1991, we had gotten a call that there was an accident. We responded to the call and later on we found out this is what had happened. Now, this is clearly a horrible, tragic accident, but it is a reminder that when you go into a building with your family and with children that are adventurous and they're always looking and climbing, you have to do your best to check the windows, the doors, the safety rails, anything else that could be a hazard. Please don't make an assumption that everything is fine. You have to give it a visual inspection yourself.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, that's great, because in his book, lesson three, protective strategies for safe family travel. Developing a warrior mindset. That's number one. You got to adopt a proactive approach. You got to anticipate.

[Tom Segura]

When I travel with family, I like to think of combat like that's how I go into a vacation mode. Thing alert. I think of. Yeah, I think of, you know, Afghanistan, Iraq, like places where there's, like, hostility and I go, that's how we're going to approach this vacation.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And so does he. Rolling threat assessment. You always want to be on high alert. Tactical positioning. You gotta place yourself in locations that maximize your safety and visibility.

[Tom Segura]

He has one here. Check this out. This is another one.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Get this guy.

[Tom Segura]

This is a term. You gotta get that book.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You gotta get it.

[Larry Betts]

Remember this video from a few weeks ago? I just wanted to revisit it again because it's a great explanation of pre event indicators. You can see this guy blades his body, makes a fist and tees off and hits this guy. In my book, I cover about 40 different pre event indicators. All that will help you see the signs before it happens. Remember, always give yourself enough time and distance to try and make a safe decision.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I've never heard the term pre event indicators. He's got 40 pre event indicators.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Correct. Number five is predatory movement patterns. Right? Like this guy's making a predatory movement pattern. Frantic.

[Tom Segura]

It looks like a guy walking, but I got it. Also, is he wearing underwear?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Are you on alert?

[Tom Segura]

Okay, is that a nude man just wearing shoes? Because that would definitely be a pre event indicator if it was just a guy in a T shirt. I'd be like, this guy's about to do some shit. He's got shoes and a T shirt on.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Fidgeting.

[Tom Segura]

This guy with his dick out, walking towards me is. Is alarming.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Fidgeting often serves as an unconscious outlet for nervous energy and can signal that an individual is Experiencing stress or mentally preparing for potential conflict. See fidgeting, frantic pacing, predatory movement, lack of underwear, panting or increased breathing. All this stuff you can get in Situational Awareness by Lawrence Betts. Check this out. Prepared.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Not paranoid. This is really valuable stuff, guys.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, it's pretty good stuff.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, hold on, hold on. Here's a good one, guys. I don't know if you've seen this. It's just kind of a warning. Gang colors or clothing too. You want to take a quick glance at that.

[Tom Segura]

Now that's a good pre event indicator that your day is about to go sideways. Right. If you see someone like that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wearing X's X like Malcolm, maybe?

[Tom Segura]

Could be. All those clowns. Love them. Love it. So this is another one. Just this. This applies to you. I think more than anyone. You should probably pay attention here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Sure. Okay.

[Larry Betts]

Hey, everybody. We all love our pets. Take a look at these videos. You can see animals are true gifts and it's up to us to help take care of them. So a few things. When you have pets, I'm sure you're aware of it, but pet theft. There's over 2 million pets that are stolen every year. We love our pets. Do what you can do to help protect them. If you're taking your pets out and about as a service animal, maybe really be aware of escalator safety. I would prefer to see you take them on an elevator. And if you do take them on an elevator, make sure you're always holding the leash.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Larry Betts]

Back when I was an elevator mechanic, I had gotten a couple of calls where the dog had gone into the elevator and the leash was on the ground. And because the leash was so low.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I get it.

[Larry Betts]

The safety never picked up the leash. So the doors had closed. The elevator with the dog in the elevator, the elevator would go up, but the leash would be outside.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I got it. I got it.

[Larry Betts]

Everything was operating correctly. It's just that thin. Leash was not high enough to reopen the doors. So if you're taking your dog out and about, keep the leash up. You don't want to lose your pet.

[Tom Segura]

Be well.

[Larry Betts]

Be safe. Take care of your pets.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that's a nice image to go on with the day with. Thanks, Larry.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Explosion.

[Tom Segura]

I actually never once in my life thought of a dog's leash getting caught in an elevator.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's happened twice.

[Tom Segura]

It's there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's happened twice. Wow. I think our pets are too stupid to do anything of any value. Like our cats aren't going to help us out when the gas.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, My God. If the gas is going or an intruder. No, they're going to take off.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, those are just German Shepherds, specifically trained. Yeah, Smart dogs.

[Tom Segura]

That's pretty wild.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's wild, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The leash and the escalator I get. Man, those are dangerous. Even kids can get caught under the escalator. You know, they get pulled in or something. Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

Danger, man. Danger.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Dangers everywhere, Tom.

[Tom Segura]

Danger is fucking everywhere.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And I hate just going about my life pretending like it's not constantly there. So it's good to have him to remind us that we're constantly in danger.

[Tom Segura]

Like that we're in danger at all times. At all times.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You sure are cute, kid. You know, I'm a professional photographer. Come on, hop in the car. I'll take your picture.

[Larry Betts]

If someone wants to take your picture, say no and tell your parents.

[Tom Segura]

You tell anybody about our little secret? Yeah, I'll kill your dog.

[Larry Betts]

Children should never be asked to keep.

[Tom Segura]

Special secrets from their parents.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Remember this? Do you remember this from your childhood?

[Tom Segura]

Of course. Of course. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So good.

[Tom Segura]

Stranger danger.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Dude, I'm going to show this to our kids asap.

[Tom Segura]

That first one, they'll love.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That guy sounded like Kirk Fox, didn't he? The first one.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Kirk could play that role 100%.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What's his voice?

[Larry Betts]

This is to grab the testicles, all right?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You have to have power.

[Larry Betts]

If you grab the testicles, to grab them, squeeze and pull those in. And opening the fingers, the tiger's claw I showed you before was clawing to the eyes. Finger pokes, thumb pokes and pushes. You squeeze hard and pull out. Squeeze and pull.

[Tom Segura]

Pubic bone, bladder area. Thank you, Paul. Go right through that target.

[Larry Betts]

Wham. The body center 360 speed.

[Tom Segura]

You should really catch up on some of these, dude. You really should.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is all accurate and still relevant. Stranger danger, all the stuff.

[Tom Segura]

Stranger danger is relevant. Pet theft is relevant. Grab testicles, poke out eyes. It's all relevant. And then when you're done with that, you realize you're back on your taxes. You give Mike a call. It all ties together. This is exactly why we do this show, to inform the audience.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And, you know, I've been watching these videos on Tick Tock where these stupid kids go with. They do, like, a hidden camera thing on the playground. And this guy's like, hey, I got some puppies in my van. You want to come see the puppies? And these dumb kids are like, yeah, okay, I want to see puppies. And the mother is like, yeah, because you're not showing them Stranger danger. You're not giving them clear examples of predatory behavior. I would never go with some fool in a van. Right.

[Tom Segura]

You really should be showing those to your. These things to your kids. I'm serious.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm serious, too, with the act. Amounts? Absolutely.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Hey, kid, if you tell anybody about a secret, I'll kill your dog. That was in a commercial that was.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like, during the A Team Saturday or during Saturday morning cartoons.

[Tom Segura]

And there's one Fluffy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, yeah, dude. They didn't around. Or Mr. T would tell you what's up, too.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Tell you. He would tell you.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, guess. Guess who got together. Who? To one cool guy that we've literally spent time with and one that we've. He's sort of been our white whale that we've just never been able to. They actually got together.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes. I have a beautiful penis.

[Tom Segura]

I am so powerful. That energy's moving through me right now. Yeah. Mantak, Chia and Will got together. It's really crazy. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Can you imagine the penis swords in that room?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God. I still think you're crazy. If you wouldn't let Montauk make love to you once, like, imagine the skill set this guy has. You don't think it's, like, otherworldly?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You always say this.

[Tom Segura]

Vadina. Like an egg. You put egg.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay, I got it. Thanks.

[Tom Segura]

Squeeze. And the man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Stop.

[Tom Segura]

His throat. He pulled the testicle down. Down. So he had complete control. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do you think you're not aroused? Not at all. Okay. I'd rather do the gay guys. Do you think Will was like, I finally met the one other guy that gets it? Like, he gets me. He gets it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. There's nothing that Will talks about that Montag wouldn't be like. Yeah, of course. Except for maybe jerking off into his own mouth. I don't know if Montauk does that. I think he crosses a couple lines.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But you don't know that. We just haven't seen those videos yet.

[Tom Segura]

This is true. I don't know this because I think.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Montauk sees that as very powerful energy. That's why you conserve it. The rop wrap. And when it's out of you, that thing's potent. It's concentrated. Man. I would give anything to be a fly on the wall at those two talking. And do you think Montauk knows all of Will's work? Like, those are two masters that should come together.

[Tom Segura]

I don't think Montauk consumes any social media. That's definitely somebody. Him. Somebody's running that. All that stuff for him for sure.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. That's too bad.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

God, those two together, that's electric. I would pay money just to be in the same room and feel that energy. Yeah, it's miraculous.

[Tom Segura]

Wow. I have to bring something to your attention, though. While I was out, you did a podcast and one of the clips went viral.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We both agree on is that we both don't like pot.

[Larry Betts]

I got tired of having to tell bartenders, that worked for me, you can't walk outside during your shift and smoke pot in front of the bar. Do you understand? I'd yell at you if I saw you drinking right now.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Right?

[Larry Betts]

Friends going, oh, we got to drive to the mall. Let me just take a quick hit.

[Tom Segura]

F ck you, dude.

[Larry Betts]

You're driving me. It bothers me that people think it's so different from alcohol. If I was about to drive you somewhere and I go, hold on, let me take a quick shot.

[Tom Segura]

That's true.

[Larry Betts]

There's a big argument that me and.

[Tom Segura]

My ex girlfriend, man, it got people fired. The fuck fired up.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Mad at Joe for hating pot. I got to double down with Joe and say that I agree with him. I hate pot. Not so much for societal reasons, but I have tried so hard to get into pot personally, and I just get paranoid and fat and sad and angry.

[Tom Segura]

You guys are dorks. Is you guys are dorks. And you guys are wrong. You guys are lame.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But he's right. You're impaired. It still impairs you. Do you want your not impaired?

[Tom Segura]

You're not impaired. You're enlightened. And there's a difference. There's a difference between being impaired and enlightened. Okay?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You wouldn't mind your. Your Uber driver taking a bottle.

[Tom Segura]

I wouldn't mind our kids bus driver taking a couple hits because I know he's going to be in the zone. And that's what it's all about, getting in the zone. Okay, I like being in the zone. Now, I'm not a hardcore consumer, but I do like. I do like it. I like a little bit. I like it in the evenings. I like it to wind down. I like opening up my third eye and my fourth one.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And your brown eye.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, they're both good. I think squares, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I think I'm a square, too. I agree with Joe on this one. Like, I don't like people. Well, here's the thing. And the loser potheads will say, oh, but you drive better when you're high. You actually go slower and.

[Tom Segura]

But here's the thing. You have to. You have to make a A distinction, though. Jesus. You have to make a distinction about. Are you talking about stoned out of, like, mouth hanging open, blitzed? Are you talking about just like a little bit here and there, which to a lot of people, it. It like, it takes down their anxiety. It does help them focus. Yeah. I mean, it has different effects on different people.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

It really does.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And some people who are really hyperactive, it mellows them out and.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it does. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It causes disconnection, I think, with people around you too, or connection, but mostly disconnection. I don't know. I don't. I never liked it culturally. I don't like.

[Tom Segura]

We're not all booze bags like you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I love alcohol. Now let's talk about something good. Alcohol, I don't like. I don't like pothead music. I don't like the Grateful Dead. Sorry. I don't like their art. I don't like their Glow in the.

[Tom Segura]

Dark posters any more. Disrespectful Bob Weird just died. Could you just like.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Actually, I don't like your lava laughs. I don't like your stupid beanbag chairs. I don't like futons. I don't like any. Here's the thing. If they could make pot culture cooler, maybe I'd be on board. Like, can we put some dark colors in the vibe? Like if Peter Murphy were a pot.

[Tom Segura]

You're just saying, basically. Can pot be goth and then I'll.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like it a thousand times, yes. If Robert Smith were a pothead, I'd be like, cool. But they're not because nobody I like is a major pothead. Anthony Bourdain, Heroin. It's glamorous. It's a better cool. Alcohol. Alcohol is better. Alcohol is for grown ups. Pot is for teenagers.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I like alcohol too, but I do. Like, I just. I'm saying, for me, I like my. I'm still 10 milli tom. I still am. I still enjoy it. That's how I wind down. I feel. I told you that. I feel much better in social situations when I do that. I told you that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And I'm the opposite. For me, it. My body chemistry, it flips me out. I want to crawl into a hole and die. I can't do it. I can't do it. I wish I. I wish I could be.

[Tom Segura]

Maybe it's just you're taking too strong of a dose, though.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's. I done. No. And then my brain is fried the next day. Alcohol. I like alcohol. It's the grown ups. It's more socially sanctioned. It's glamorous. You've got cool names for the drinks, not stupid names. You know, pot is named dumb things like White Lightning or what? White Widow or Fashion, Purple Haze or some gay names. It needs a rebrand. It needs Gwyneth Paltrow.

[Tom Segura]

Why don't you take a lead on that? Why don't you rebrand it?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I destroy that industry so fast.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I make it so uncool. I wanted to tell you specifically something because I drove for the school field trip. For the first grade field trip to the garbage dump.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Because I don't trust other people driving my children around when they're really little like that. So I drove Julian's first grade class to the garbage dump. And it's so smelly, too. Yeah, my jacket reeks. Everything smells like trash now.

[Tom Segura]

But don't say, what did our first graders say when you're on your way there?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's like, I don't want to go to the dump. What a stupid field trip. This is a shitty field trip.

[Tom Segura]

Who wants to go see garbage? It is kind of funny. It's a funny thing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's really funny. He gets it. He's like, garbage. But I wanted to see garbage because I'm interested. I've been talking about trash collectors forever on YMH. The FedEx drivers, the UPS drivers and trash collectors. Those are my interests, right? So, yeah, I finally, I'm looking at this big pile of trash, and I'm watching the machines sort it, and I get my hands on the employee who's been there the longest. And I was like, all right, dude, tell me everything. First of all, how many bodies do you find a year in the trash? And he goes, no, we don't find full bodies. We find an arm here, a leg here.

[Tom Segura]

Professionals.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And he goes, that's how professionals do it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's right. And he goes, never the head. For some reason, we don't get the heads. They always cut off the limbs and put them in the trash. And he goes, well, you know, the mafia started the garbage business. And I was like, oh, yeah, waste management. He's like, that's the way they got rid of bodies early. And I was like, oh, my God. I never put that together. Like, duh. That's the best way to get rid of it.

[Tom Segura]

Chop them up.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You gotta chop them up. And so he goes, yeah, so we'll find an arm here, and then, like, the leg will be somewhere else. Up north or something. And he's like, it's a real hassle, though. Because the cops get involved and they come down, we have to shut everything down and deal with that. So I thought you'd like that. And then I was asking him, like, what time did the garbage men start work? He said, 4am they're out collecting the trash. I know. And then I asked him, well, why did they do it? He's like, I'm telling you, all the men on the trucks, they love their jobs. They got big smiles on their faces. They love their jobs.

[Tom Segura]

I believe it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I do too. And I'm like, well, what do they love? What is it? He goes, well, personally, he's like, my mother was in the waste management business for 27 years. My stepdad was in this. Like, my family is from this business. And he's like, they give you a lot of time off. Apparently it pays well and you get to have like a life outside of your job. So that makes perfect sense to me. And they've also liked the, you know, he gave me this thing like, oh, we're helping the community. Yeah, right. Which I agree with too. But I thought that was pretty fascinating. Like, who really cares, you know? I think that was just him trying to like, oh, this stupid first grade mom is like, I gotta tell her that we give a. About trash or whatever. I'm like, okay, tell me about that.

[Tom Segura]

You know, there was this. There was this hit crew in New York, they were Brooklyn based and this guy had this method. So they kept have. They would always contract him to do their. Their kills because he would take. He would kill somebody and then he would take them and string them up over a bathtub with their feet in the air. And he knew where to make this incision where he would bleed them out. Because the thing is like, there's so much blood. Bleed them out in the tub. And so there was no blood left in the body. And then he would chop them up. Really? Like, yeah, brilliant.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And then that's one of the things he told me at the trash collection site. They don't accept fluids of any kind.

[Tom Segura]

There you go.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Lighter fluids, flammable, things like that. And I was like, that's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

A real hazard.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I didn't know that. Do you know how stupid I am? I probably just throw that right in the trash and be like, I don't care. Like, I throw everything in the trash. Don't you?

[Tom Segura]

I think most people. I think a lot of people do.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You're supposed to dispose of things that are like toxic or dangerous in a different way.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, that's what he said. I'm like, well, what should I do if I have, like, a bottle of.

[Tom Segura]

Lighter, A bunch of lighter fluids. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And he's like, well, you should call the fire department and have them. I'm like, there's nobody doing that, dude. Everybody's throwing it right in the trash.

[Tom Segura]

In the trash. Of course they are.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, dog.

[Tom Segura]

But what they do is they go, I don't want it in my trash. Let's take it to somebody else's trash.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's exactly. And I go, how many dead animals you find in here? I'm sure people just throw their.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Dogs and cats in there. He's like, oh, we see a few of those, too. I'm like, but the human stuff, I thought was pretty cool.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's. That means, you know, and when you're seeing parts, that's a pro job. That's a. That's not an accident, man. No, it's a professional job. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So here's what we've decided to do, you and me. You drain. You hang the body upside down on. In the tub. But the body's heavy. How was he able to lift the body?

[Tom Segura]

I think he came up with a system for doing that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like a pulley.

[Tom Segura]

You would use it? Yeah, exactly.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like the Dutch. They pulley things up.

[Tom Segura]

It's one of those bathrooms where you go into and you go, why do you have a pulley system above your bathtub? Oh, I do. I work out. It's just a workout thing I'm doing. I just do it. I do it, and then I shower. And so I like to. I get sweaty, and then I jump in the shower.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's my tonal.

[Tom Segura]

That's weird.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And then can you saw through bone pretty easily? You think, like, could I just.

[Tom Segura]

Easy. No, no, right. Easy. I think, no, for sure it's not easy. I mean, hands, like, just, like, grinding through it. I mean, you could do it, but probably takes a lot. I'm sure if you get something electric powered, it makes it a lot easier. Cut off hands, arms. You know, you probably do what, like, at the knee? Yeah. You want it to be, like, just the torso and the limb. The legs. You want to cut into two. And then for id, you know, you want to obviously take all the teeth out. That's a pain in the ass. You got to get like a, you know, a tool to rip each and every one of the teeth out. And then if you really want people to not figure out who it was, you want to, you know, do something to the fingertips, fingerprints, yeah, it's a pain in the ass, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's such a. That's the hardest way. I would just buy a. Like, for instance, in the interview with a vampire TV show I was watching. Tom, are you listening to me? They had their own crematorium they just bought.

[Tom Segura]

Well, that's the best.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. And it was in New Orleans, and you just have it, like, in the backyard, and then you just incinerate the bodies. And I could be like.

[Tom Segura]

And if you can, I don't know what businesses off the top of my head need some type of incinerator. But if you were to able to develop a viable business that uses an incinerator and then you could double it for, like, just dumping bodies into. That's the best.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's the best.

[Tom Segura]

That's what I would encourage someone to do.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. It's like when you do ceramics, and you're like, I have to fire this bowl. Like, you don't have a ceramics kiln at your house. You go and you go to, like, the nearest arts and crafts center, and you go, can I fire my ceramic bowl in your kiln? Like, that's what you're kind of saying.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, exactly, exactly. So what I'm saying is develop a system where you're like, I make vases and glass, you know, sculptures. That's why I have all this stuff. They need to be fired.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Wait, bring it back to that screen. You're talking about. I saw the distinction between wet bone. How hard?

[Tom Segura]

Farms. I saw farms there. Some farms use an incinerator. That's cool. You could do that big. I'm. You know, I grow corn.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Josh, Google. How hard is it to cut through bone? Because you need to specialize.

[Tom Segura]

Cutting through bone can be challenging. It's a real challenge. Do your best. What were the businesses that you had up there? Because this is really where we want people to focus. Hospitals, vet clinics. Yeah, farms. Ranches and zoos. Military bases. I think the most accessible thing for somebody who's looking to do something like this is a farm.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I was gonna say you can get.

[Tom Segura]

A farm or a ranch. That's. That's. At least. You can't be like, I'm opening a municipal building. You know, I'm starting my own pharmaceutical company. You know, but you can get a farm.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Or. Yeah, dude. Like, you open a ranch out here in Texas. You just drive 20 minutes outside of Austin. He's got nothing but land.

[Tom Segura]

What's up with the incinerator? And you're like, I have a bunch of crops that go bad. You got to do something with them, like. Oh, okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Cows drop dead all the time. You got to do that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. What are we supposed to do, man? Yeah, gotta incinerate them. How long do you think it is until our youngest child starts doing like this?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Rondo, I'm outside today. Where are you at, you ass? You ain't you, Rondo. You come fight me, I'll come beat your ass.

[Tom Segura]

You.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You ain't. Yeah, dude. Hell, yeah, dude. Good. Tell them what's up.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Five, eight, five, kid.

[Tom Segura]

He's got the low angle in the car. Yeah, yeah. Come outside.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Where did you grow ass? This is normal for me in the 818 growing up. This is not too crazy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, for sure.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The junior high school. I like you kids are saying crazy in junior high. Junior high is the wildest, though. You feel like that's the peak craziness.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I saw a lot of crazy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

In middle school, and then my high school kind of tapers out.

[Tom Segura]

Well, it depends. There's kids that definitely ramp it up in high school, but. Yeah, I know what you're saying. In middle school, you don't know what these emotions are. You just. You're just like. You're just full of feelings. You don't know. You know, I mean, you kind of learn as you get a little older how to deal with things. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Did you ever make a video like this to some guy?

[Tom Segura]

The hell no. But we didn't have that. We weren't. You know, But I know I would have.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Like, you had a camcorder, though. Didn't you record yourself? Like, camcorder?

[Tom Segura]

Yes, yes. Yeah. All that stuff. Horrifying.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So embarrassing. Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I would kill myself if I could see those now.

[Tom Segura]

It's so embarrassing. It's making me nervous right now.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, I know. I just started sweating just thinking it.

[Tom Segura]

Think about it. Nothing worse. Yeah, but if it. If I were a kid now, that would be so much worse. So much worse.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, my God, dude.

[Tom Segura]

All right, fart dog. I've got to.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I love you.

[Tom Segura]

I've got to get ready, and I've got to go in the office.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You got to go saw some bones. Got to dispose of some bods.

[Tom Segura]

Got to make an offer on a ranch.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay, sweetie, I love you.

[Tom Segura]

All right. Love you. Thank you guys for watching and listening. Thank you for dealing with our new remote setup. But, yeah, try to do it as much as we can, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

All right?

[Tom Segura]

Fun. Peace. God love you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Just cut the grass.

[Tom Segura]

Ready for some fun?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We had the right producer on this track Slap right.

[Tom Segura]

Choking up the sun Just cut the grass Ready for some fun Just cut the grass Ready for some fun Fun Wow. Wow. So that's not wow, a coincidence that I'm triggered. He really likes to put his his raps out there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, you know when you're an artist and you do it just the love of the game Nothing can stop you Stop you Can stop you and stop you and stop you and stop you and stop you.