What's Up With Your Face? w/ Ari Shaffir and Adrienne Iapalucci | YMH Ep. 785

Summary

Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura - Episode 785: "What's Up With Your Face?" Featuring Ari Shaffir and Adrienne Appolucci

Release Date: November 13, 2024

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Introduction and Guest Announcements

The episode kicks off with Tom Segura announcing his upcoming tour dates before Christina Pazsitzky warmly welcomes listeners to "Your Mom's House." Shortly after, Tom introduces the episode's special guests: the returning comedian Ari Shaffir and Adrienne Appolucci, who is celebrating the release of her new Netflix special, "The Dark Queen."

Tom Segura [02:05]: "I'm being joined by two great guests... celebrating the release of her new special, the Dark Queen, which is out now on Netflix. Check out Adrienne Appolucci, everybody."

Adrienne Appolucci’s New Comedy Special

Adrienne delves into the creation of her special, highlighting that it was taped at the Cellar in New York and directed by the renowned Louis C.K. Christina humorously claims production credits.

Adrienne Appolucci [02:15]: "Yes. And produced by me. We cannot wait for this anger to come."

The conversation explores the structure of the special, noting that Adrienne was instructed to begin her performance with the first six minutes dedicated to provocative material to immediately engage (and potentially anger) the audience.

Adrienne Appolucci [02:44]: "They asked me to cut the first six minutes... get right to it."

Navigating Hostile Audiences

Adrienne shares her experiences with challenging audiences, recounting incidents where certain demographics walked out during her performances due to the edgy content. However, she observes that some audience members remain and even applaud her resilience.

Tom Segura [04:23]: "It's fine. And she just goes, you're not wrong."

Adrienne Appolucci [05:04]: "The first show was like... the worst one. She says, 'you're not wrong.'"

The hosts discuss the subjective nature of comedy, emphasizing that humor varies widely among different groups. They compare stand-up audiences to movie-goers with differing genre preferences, illustrating the diversity in audience reception.

Tom Segura [05:35]: "This is all subjective... it's like going to the movies, different people want different genres."

Stand-Up Comedy: Bombing vs. Winning Over the Crowd

Adrienne reflects on her stand-up journey, acknowledging that not every performance lands well, especially in charity events with unintended high expectations. She recounts being removed from stages due to controversial jokes, highlighting the fine line comedians walk between edgy humor and audience comfort.

Adrienne Appolucci [37:24]: "I keep getting booked at charity shows, and I'm like, hey, I don't think I'm gonna be right for this."

Conversely, Tom discusses the exhilaration of performing to a receptive audience and the satisfaction that comes with winning over a skeptical crowd through persistence and engagement.

Tom Segura [07:05]: "You're getting them to laugh... you have to be a little more in the moment."

Comedy Club Experiences and Audience Dynamics

The trio delves into various comedy club environments, sharing anecdotes about ambush shows, intimate venues like the Cellar, and the contrasts between large and small audiences. They highlight how different settings and crowd sizes influence performance styles and content delivery.

Adrienne Appolucci [43:26]: "It was someone's birthday. They had a cake, everyone's eating... I waited for three hours."

Tom Segura [44:02]: "We used to do these LA shows that were like ambush shows... people are just there having dinner."

Handling Sensitive Topics in Comedy

Adrienne and Tom discuss the challenges of addressing sensitive or controversial topics in their routines. They touch upon the importance of understanding the audience and the potential repercussions of crossing certain boundaries, especially in diverse settings.

Adrienne Appolucci [37:58]: "I did jokes about rich people having sex with kids on boats. And I lost half the crowd."

Behind the Scenes: Production Insights

Adrienne provides insights into the production of her special, expressing trust in Louis C.K.'s direction and the creative process involved in staging a successful comedy performance. They discuss the technical aspects, such as lighting and stage setup, that enhance the overall audience experience.

Adrienne Appolucci [70:15]: "The lighting is really beautiful. He knows what he's doing."

Ari Shaffir’s Contributions and Interaction

Ari Shaffir, serving as both a guest and a recurring contributor, engages in humorous segments that parody self-help and wellness trends. His interactions with Christina and Tom add a layer of absurdity and satire to the episode, exemplifying the show's signature blend of comedy and candid conversation.

Ari Shaffir [22:14]: "It's a form of self love. When I drink my own... It's a lot of piss."

Personal Stories and Comedic Banter

The hosts and guests share personal stories and engage in playful banter, discussing everything from mishaps during performances to humorous interpretations of everyday situations. Their chemistry and rapport provide listeners with a genuine and entertaining experience.

Christina P [35:50]: "I'm proud of it, though, and I think it would be nice to get, like, an audience because I've just been touring and, like, people are just showing up..."

Closing Remarks and Congratulations

As the episode concludes, Christina and Tom extend heartfelt congratulations to Adrienne on her new special, expressing excitement for her future endeavors and the impact her work will have on audiences.

Tom Segura [89:56]: "You've done something right. Congratulations. Exciting that it's happening."

Christina P [88:43]: "Facts."

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Notable Quotes

• Adrienne Appolucci [37:58]: "I did jokes about rich people having sex with kids on boats. And I lost half the crowd."

• Tom Segura [05:35]: "This is all subjective... it's like going to the movies, different people want different genres."

• Ari Shaffir [22:14]: "It's a form of self love. When I drink my own... It's a lot of piss."

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Conclusion

Episode 785 of "Your Mom's House" offers a deep dive into the world of stand-up comedy through the experiences of Adrienne Appolucci and the humorous interjections of Ari Shaffir. Listeners gain valuable insights into the intricacies of performing, the unpredictability of audience reactions, and the personal growth that accompanies a career in comedy. Christina and Tom's engaging hosting style ensures that both seasoned comedy enthusiasts and casual listeners find the episode both entertaining and enlightening.

Transcript

[Tom Segura]

Tickets are available now for my November and December shows. November 27th, I am at the Hollywood Florida Seminole Hard Rock. November 29th I'm in Tallahassee at the Donald L. Tucker Civic Center. December 7th, I'm in N at the Lakefront Arena. And December 8th, I'm in Pensacola at the Pensacola Bay Center. Tickets are at tomsagura.com tour I will see you there.

[Christina P]

Well, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house.

[Ari Shafir]

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[Tom Segura]

Welcome to another episode of your mom's house. I am being joined by two great guests. First, I have to say the return of the big J, Ari Shafir. And with him celebrating the release of her new special, the Dark queen, which is out now on Netflix. Check out Adrian Appolucci, everybody. Give her a hand. And of course you can check out Ari's pod. You be tripping every Monday.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So anyway, your stuff, Adrian, Congratulations.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Oh, my God, thank you.

[Tom Segura]

On your special. You shot it at the Cellar in New York. Directed by the one and only Louis C.K.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yes. And produced by this guy.

[Christina P]

Produced by me. We cannot wait for this anger to come.

[Tom Segura]

Is there a lot of anger coming.

[Christina P]

Off the jokes off Louie? Hopefully I'll get some, but I think.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I. I think so.

[Christina P]

You will? Yeah. Get someone even more divisive to like shield me.

[Tom Segura]

That's awesome. This is exciting.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Well, they asked me to cut the first six minutes. Cause they want them to get mad right away. They asked you to cut it the first six minutes? Cause they were like, we just. We want you to get right to it.

[Tom Segura]

Right to it.

[Christina P]

The first instance kind of like, hi, and some jokes about her family. They're like.

[Adrian Appolucci]

There's not jokes about my family at all.

[Tom Segura]

It's just this guy.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I have like, no jokes about my.

[Tom Segura]

But just. They got. They want it straight to excite, like.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I think so. Yeah. Because they were like.

[Christina P]

It's nice that they're not now like hiding away from stuff, right? Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

No, that's awesome. I mean, every. You know, I've known who you are and it's from jokes that people really. Yeah, of course.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Oh, that's nice.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I mean, yeah, your, your stuff definitely makes its way around interesting.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I never think anyone knows who I am.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, absolutely. And yeah, it's exciting when somebody like you gets. Gets a shot like this because, you know, that platform is still the craziest thing. I mean, Netflix is still the granddaddy of them all. So that's. That's awesome that you're going to be there.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I'm excited. I hope it. I hope people are upset. I hope some people like it.

[Tom Segura]

But I hope, you know, let me tell you something, they are gonna.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I know they're gonna.

[Tom Segura]

And I've experienced rage and an outrage and it is coming. Yeah, you're gonna get it. But here's the thing. I think there's something about the fact that like, this is not. You're not some 22 year old damsel in distress who's like, la, la, la, everything's fine. You know, nothing is fine. You know, but like, you know, so I think when it, when it comes, you're gonna be like, oh, that look.

[Christina P]

Yeah, that was the point.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you're gonna see it.

[Christina P]

It's funny watching people like walk out sometimes at the Cellar and they'll be like, you're terrible. And she just, she just goes, you're not wrong.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Remember the one.

[Christina P]

It's fine.

[Adrian Appolucci]

The one taping that Louis wants her to do. He was like, we should do a show where nobody knows you're perform like doing a special. And it was the worst show.

[Christina P]

Just like a regular seller crowd. You'll just do it all.

[Adrian Appolucci]

He had no idea I'm headlining and taping a special. So it's just regular people. And it was so bad, I wouldn't leave. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And this was taped or. No, this was like, we taped four of them, but that was one of them.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah. Yeah. And that was the worst one.

[Tom Segura]

You're not. Are you using that?

[Christina P]

Not at all.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Adrian Appolucci]

But it would be funny to put like the special next to that because there's one. Remember Lou's like, there was one Joke. You did. And someone was like, this is terrible. And then.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Adrian Appolucci]

And then on the other show, someone was like, here we go. It's just two different vibes.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, it just shows you too, because it's like, you know, when people celebrate or, or like announce who they don't like, and you kind of just go like, yeah, dude. This really is all subjective, though. This is. Yes, because there are people who's their favorite favorite, and they'll. They're adamant and they're passionate about it. Comic is like, you know, like a really clean comic. And you go, yeah, that's. That's who you like. Or, you know, they. Or they like somebody really, really dark.

[Adrian Appolucci]

It just, it's just not for you or it is not for you.

[Tom Segura]

Exactly. It's like going. I always thought it was like going to the movies. Like when you go to the movies, you see 12 titles up or whatever. Right. And it's like, well, the, you know, the, the PG thing that you're like, I don't want to see that. It's like, yeah, that's not for you. But.

[Ari Shafir]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

These other groups wants to see it. And that's the same thing with standup.

[Christina P]

These British Indian people are outside after that show. And she was changing, getting ready for the next day. And I just hear, I don't know why they stayed the whole show, but at the end and they were just still out there talking because she deserves to be canceled.

[Tom Segura]

That's pretty awesome.

[Christina P]

I was like, agent, hold up upstairs one second.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Remember, Louie was like, we should do all of them like that at first. And I was like, I'm not forever. Like, that's not smart. Yeah, not for like, I don't think that's.

[Tom Segura]

I also think that actually, like, as a one off, that's kind of a fun experiment.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

But for the joy. Part of the joy of performing is not, you know, you want people there that are having a good time.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Sure. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

For the most part. Right. I mean, like, if I was like, here's the cool thing. You're going to bomb. But like, over and over you want to do it, you're going to.

[Adrian Appolucci]

But we're going to tape it also.

[Tom Segura]

And that's how the world will know you.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It's like, I don't know. I'd like to have a good time.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Sure. Or at least little moments that aren't as good. But overall. Yeah, but that show is like, I felt like I was tap dancing for retards. That's what I wanted to call the special because you're up there and you're like, trying these, like, no matter. They just weren't into me because I.

[Tom Segura]

Think, like, so there's. There's a couple of types of shows that are the most fun, I think obviously, like a super hot crowd where you just murder. That's fun. Everyone, like, has, you know, no one, like, turns that down.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

But the other type of show that's kind of fun is when you go out there and you. You get some resistance. But they don't, like, they don't go, I'm at it. They just. And you get to, like, lean in to what you're doing more. And by you leaning in, they kind of break, like. And you kind of, like, win them over. Those are also very fun types of shows to do.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah, I like that show better.

[Tom Segura]

I think it's.

[Christina P]

You're getting them to laugh at. They clearly don't.

[Tom Segura]

Because here's the thing. You have to be a little. You have to be a little more in the moment for you are sure. You're more aware.

[Adrian Appolucci]

The last show I did was so killer like that. Where I go, this is boring.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

But the night before, I was like, man, I'm really struggling. So it's like, that's fun. Yeah.

[Christina P]

We saw when Louis came back and there was all this, like, hatred and, like, ideas around him, you know, like, I want my money back. If he's out there, I don't feel safe. Like, he's going to run off the stage. Just fucking nose dive a dick. India. But like, but like. So there's this lady we see on security camera like this, like, so mad. Her husband, boyfriend's into it. And then like five minutes and you remember this five minutes and she goes. And then like six minutes in, she's like, trying to be mad. And by the end, she's just like, oh, this guy's actually. This guy rules. She's just dying laughing.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. People want to be outraged. It'll be fun. I was just thinking for promo to get like a, like, individual people in like a montage talking about how much they want you canceled or hate you.

[Adrian Appolucci]

That would be fun.

[Tom Segura]

That'd be a very fun promo.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I like that.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Maybe you do like some type of screening. Do like a. Hey, we're doing a screening.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Like in an old age home.

[Tom Segura]

Sure.

[Christina P]

Really get.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I feel like an old age home wouldn't even be that bad.

[Tom Segura]

It wouldn't be that bad. You. The cool thing would be college. Screen it somewhere. But you offer. Don't just say Free screening. Like you. You offer. You get, like, the food and drink and like, some type of People love free shit. You get this some type of gift. And then people are like, okay. And they watch. And then you just get to go, like, what you think? What'd you think? And people say that, like, she deserves to be consoled. That would be fun.

[Christina P]

So funny.

[Adrian Appolucci]

That was really funny. And that lady did stay the whole show.

[Christina P]

She stayed the whole show and then hung out afterwards for, like, 30 minutes. She was out there.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I think someone said they were like, they really didn't like her or they really hated her.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I had a fun one. And I did my Australia tour on the last tour, and on each. We toured most of the country. Yeah, there's a opening bit that I did that, like, sometimes you would just hear just like, what's going on? And then yelling. And they're yelling about and walking out. You know, yelling as they walk out because of how offended they were. And it made its way back to friends who were. I'm in Australia texting me, like, dude, what's going on?

[Adrian Appolucci]

But don't people know, like, your comedy? But, like, I'm not really known, so, like, I understand people coming and be like, oh, this is. They think they're coming to support a woman.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

And then they're, like, upset.

[Tom Segura]

Gonna be a woman.

[Adrian Appolucci]

This is not the text. Like, this is not what we thought. But I would think your fan, like, your fans know you.

[Tom Segura]

I think what happens is, like, when you get into certain size rooms too, like, when the room is big, you get a bunch of people who are like you say. And then you just get people going, especially if you're overseas, they go, oh, there's like a touring in America comedy.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

I've heard this is good. And they just. Good is what they take a chance.

[Christina P]

Dice said he still got people walking.

[Tom Segura]

Out of them, which is.

[Adrian Appolucci]

That's.

[Christina P]

And it's like, they haven't done the research.

[Tom Segura]

And I've said this by him a million times. His Instagram is the funniest thing that I enjoy that so much that he's just like. People are just sitting there. He's like, with big shot with your shirt off. And they're like, what? And they just look like, what? He's like, did you take you getting a tan? And they're like, what? He's like, your shirt's off. You get in a tan. And they're like, I don't know, man.

[Christina P]

I guess what?

[Tom Segura]

It's so great.

[Christina P]

You want. You're the One who wants the picture. Getting the tan. Right, Right. Old school. Like, Brooklyn. Getting the tan. The tan. You're getting a tan. The sun.

[Tom Segura]

The hand. Who?

[Christina P]

What?

[Tom Segura]

He has so much suntan. Yeah, old school.

[Christina P]

Like, you know, like we used to do in Brooklyn.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P]

You know what I mean? Did Smash Mouth comment on this? I'll be here.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I'll be here. This dude I could watch, he's just.

[Christina P]

With people's day, and they don't get into the point because there is none.

[Tom Segura]

There's nothing funnier to me than, like, somebody going, like, do you want an autograph?

[Adrian Appolucci]

You're like, I don't even know who you are.

[Tom Segura]

Like, an autograph. Were you the one you wouldn't pitch? You want the picture with me? And he's like. They're like, I don't. No.

[Christina P]

Yeah. They're just talking to somebody.

[Tom Segura]

So funny.

[Christina P]

Dude, you want to weigh in with the James Addiction thing. The. The video. Was it real?

[Tom Segura]

You don't know.

[Christina P]

Did. Did you see it? With the James fully ignoring him because the hall and Oats thing is over. They don't even talk about them.

[Tom Segura]

Goodbye, beautiful goodbye. There's also something so fucking amazing about how New Yorkers handle, like a crazy person.

[Christina P]

Ignore.

[Tom Segura]

Ignore is like. It's built into you guys, you know, because you've just Your whole. You don't even realize how many people have done this to you because you're just so used to it. Whereas when you do it, like, if you did it, like, here, someone would be like, they would live with this story. This fucking person came up to me.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Today, you know, and like, oh, yeah, you ignore everyone.

[Tom Segura]

You guys have just hit all the time.

[Christina P]

I had somebody at the store. I was going back after living in New York for, like, five years at the Patio. And some guy goes. Some black guy goes, he asked me for a dime. I was like, no, man. No.

[Adrian Appolucci]

A dime.

[Christina P]

Yeah, he got a dime. Meaning, like, you have any money?

[Adrian Appolucci]

No.

[Christina P]

And I was like, no. And he's like, really? And I'm like, come on, man. And he goes, you can't just give me the time. And I was like, oh, I thought you wanted money. And he was just like, yeah, I'm not that. What? I'm not that kind of black guy. Yeah, I'm just some dude who wants to know what time it is.

[Tom Segura]

I just don't know if I'm late right now. You Jew. Jesus.

[Adrian Appolucci]

It's weird to ask for a dime, though. No one says that.

[Christina P]

Well, he said, do you have the time?

[Adrian Appolucci]

I had a Homeless person asked me for $50.

[Christina P]

$50.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I was like, that's crazy.

[Tom Segura]

That's a big ass.

[Adrian Appolucci]

He's like, how about five? And I was like, still no.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina P]

I love their plans. They're like, I'm going to change the game.

[Tom Segura]

Starting hot Got my attention though. Yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

50.

[Tom Segura]

Hey man, you got 50 bucks?

[Adrian Appolucci]

It's a wild ask.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

What do you need it?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I do, I do.

[Christina P]

I have a 50. It'd be perfect.

[Tom Segura]

It's exactly what you need.

[Ari Shafir]

If there's one money investing tip I wish I would have known ages ago, it's to start early. No matter where you are financially, start investing early. Today's episode is sponsored by Acorns. Acorns makes it easy to start automatically saving and investing for your future. You don't need a lot of money or expertise to invest with Acorns. In fact, you can get started with just your spare change. Acorns recommends an expert built portfolio that fits you and your money goals. Then automatically invest your money for you. It really is simple. I checked out their website. It's very, very manageable. I know everybody feels like, oh my God, I don't know anything about investing. It's fine. Acorns will scale it to your needs and they're just so thorough and easy. Head to acorns.com ymh or download the Acorns app to start saving and investing for your future today. Paid non client endorsement compensation provides incentive to positively promote Acorns. Investment involves risk. Acorns Advertisers LLC and SEC registered investment advisor. View important [e-mail] YMH People are saying to me, christina, you look so rested. You look like you're glowing. What is your secret? Well, I'll tell you. It's a Helix mattress. That's right. I've been sleeping on a Helix mattress. It's so simple. I went to their website, I filled out a quiz. They ask you things like do you, are you a side sleeper? Do you sleep on your back? I'm a side sleeper and this Helix mattress is so soft and lovely and perfect for me. I just, it cannot be beautiful. I love it. They have, they have cooling mattress covers for hot sleepers, which I am an extra memory foam padding for side sleepers like myself. I could not recommend this more. In a Wesper sleep study, participants reported having more sleep and many participants reported more deep sleep. And that is the truth. Helix also sells bed frames, pillows, sheets and a lot of other bedding options. Helix sleep is offering 25% off sitewide, plus two free dream pillows with any mattress pur. You can also receive a free bedding bundle which includes two dream pillows, a sheet set, and a mattress protector. When you purchase any luxe or elite mattress, go to helix sleep.com ymh yeah.

[Christina P]

What's this for?

[Tom Segura]

It's crazy. Oh, wait. I should play our opening clip. Sorry. Let me see. If you want to put your headphones on, please put cans on. Do you mind?

[Christina P]

Cans? Whoa.

[Tom Segura]

Right? It's a big industry term. Yeah, in show business. I get it.

[E]

I ended up having a little too much kear. Sometimes I get addicted to it, so.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Oh, the other end, baby.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, let's see.

[Christina P]

Let's have a look. What?

[E]

Yeah, it's actually not too bad.

[Tom Segura]

I got more for him. Just one second. I'm going to give you some more of him in a second.

[Christina P]

What's the patch?

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Christina P]

Well, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura and Christina. Welcome to your mom's house.

[Tom Segura]

Do you recognize him?

[Christina P]

No. Why? Does he have a patch that he's not using? Is that for later?

[Tom Segura]

That eye looks a little infected. So.

[Christina P]

How long does this theme song go on for?

[Tom Segura]

Like two minutes.

[Christina P]

Oh, okay. It's just a guitar solo.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Can't believe how many people don't know this. It's upsetting.

[Christina P]

This is incredibly long. This shouldn't be this long.

[Tom Segura]

Exactly.

[Christina P]

Why are you doing it this long? It's over so long ago. There's nothing even added. You're just doing new of the same.

[Tom Segura]

It's a repeat of it. Yeah.

[Christina P]

It's infuriating.

[Tom Segura]

It's exactly what we did.

[Christina P]

It's done. It was done right away.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I know.

[Christina P]

I mean, this is like a mislead to begin with. You think you're in a sketch and it's just part of the opening.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Pretty cool.

[Christina P]

No, that's awful. Why was that allowed? Head should roll.

[Tom Segura]

There's a.

[Christina P]

It's unsettling. Okay. Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Christina.

[Tom Segura]

Pashiti.

[Christina P]

Too long. Your mom's house.

[Tom Segura]

You're. We haven't even talked about your face, first of all, which is the craziest thing in the world. What's going on? Why are you two faced? What is this?

[Christina P]

It was for the elections. I want togetherness for the elections. I want people. I want people being separated. So I think half the country. We should put it at the Mississippi.

[Tom Segura]

Who are you voting for? What are you voting for?

[Christina P]

Overthrow 2024.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Anarchy.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It's totally Ari style.

[Christina P]

Yeah. I went to Cuba for the election. Really? Yeah. Bobby Kelly.

[Tom Segura]

Have you been to Havana?

[Christina P]

No, have you?

[Tom Segura]

I've been to Gitmo.

[Christina P]

Oh. To like.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Got info.

[Tom Segura]

Give this haji the business.

[Christina P]

Yeah. He's goes your torture chambers.

[Tom Segura]

I probably could have. They were so stoked when I was there.

[Christina P]

They were like, did you really go there? Uso?

[Tom Segura]

I went to do shows. Yeah. But they were just. I'm sure if I'd been like, can I hit one? They'd be like, yeah, of course.

[Christina P]

That's the thing to do here. It's like.

[Tom Segura]

It's like, so cool that you're here.

[Christina P]

The Australian shoes.

[Tom Segura]

You want to kick somebody.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I mean, that's the reason to go.

[Christina P]

I mean, if they've been associated with someone at terrorists.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah, I would like to talk to them. Yeah, I don't know where Cuba is either. I just get in a plane. Right. It's not like I have to drive.

[Tom Segura]

Wait, do you have a zero reference for where it is?

[Adrian Appolucci]

I assume it's south.

[Tom Segura]

Take it. How far do you think it is? Because this is interesting.

[Adrian Appolucci]

From where? From here.

[Tom Segura]

Just.

[Christina P]

Well, describe where it is.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, just describe.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I think Florida's here, and then it's, like, around there.

[Tom Segura]

All right, that's pretty good.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

That's pretty good. You did it actually, right? Yeah, it's about 90 miles.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Oh, I didn't know it was that close.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

You could swim it.

[Adrian Appolucci]

We could swim at.

[Tom Segura]

And where's Chile?

[Christina P]

We already went over this.

[Adrian Appolucci]

South America.

[Tom Segura]

Hey, where did you think before? We discussed where it was?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Somewhere brown.

[Tom Segura]

Somewhere brown it is. But here's the thing. They have a pretty. They have a lot of whites, the Chileans.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Disgusting.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I'd be upset if I went there and there was white people.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, really?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. There's like, the more prideful, arrogant nations in South America are Chile and Argentina. And it's because they have so many.

[Christina P]

Whites, they think they're better.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Of course I thought Argentina, but I wouldn't think Chile. I thought Chile was like Mexico.

[Tom Segura]

No, Chile. We'll see. Chile had a really. A big economic boom, like, 20, 25 years ago. And so they have, like. Their downtown is like. It looks like a very cosmopolitan. In South Santiago. Yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Do they have, like, a podcast in there?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know if they have a podcast. Boom, but they. They have. They have money, and they had a real money swing, even though it's not as good now where they get money from. Maybe I will go there from that huge oil. I Forget what the.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Damn.

[Christina P]

It looks nice.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's very nice.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Wow.

[Christina P]

You've been.

[Tom Segura]

I've been, yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Would like to go there.

[Christina P]

Latin American tour yet.

[Tom Segura]

I did. I did a show there in Spanish. I did. The way that I did it. I did the hour and then I would close on like 20 to 30 minutes of Spanish. I didn't want to advertise it as such. You get more people. They said doing. They're like, if they know you, they know you as an English speaking.

[Christina P]

Yeah, so. Oh, right. Who. Yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So they'd be like, wait, what? Why is he coming to do that? Anyway, it was great. Now this guy, I wanted to show you.

[Christina P]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

That reminds me. A lot of you.

[E]

In this episode of what does the Wild Naked Man Drink? I'm gonna fill this. Beautiful.

[Christina P]

Great.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I love it.

[Christina P]

See a new smart, big opening. That's something that'll get a lot of people. Small opening.

[E]

Especially after some amazing working out or going for a run or pumping some iron.

[Christina P]

The mic technique is great.

[E]

It's a good right biofeedback and it's a form of self love. When I drink my own.

[Christina P]

Oh, come on.

[Tom Segura]

I can see you doing.

[Christina P]

Come on.

[E]

Enhanced benefit of self appro approval.

[Christina P]

Come on.

[Tom Segura]

Come on. What?

[Christina P]

Come on. Don't drink it.

[Tom Segura]

You don't want to feel.

[Christina P]

You got to run it through a Brita first or something.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know, man.

[Adrian Appolucci]

No, it's organic.

[Christina P]

He drinks this all the time, so.

[E]

No wonder the yogis for over 5,000 years.

[Adrian Appolucci]

That's a lot of piss.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[E]

Everything bad for us, like injecting heavy metals and aborted fetal cells right into your body is made to seem good. And everything that's good for us, like drinking your piss, is made to seem bad. We live in an inverted clown world.

[Christina P]

Pause for a second.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I don't believe it's piss. He didn't show us.

[Tom Segura]

He didn't show us.

[Christina P]

He didn't show us.

[Adrian Appolucci]

And there's a lot coming out.

[Christina P]

Yeah, I. There's no. He doesn't seem like it's too hot or warm. But also like anything that's bad for us. And he said what? Like. Like shooting us up with aborted baby fetus.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

As if that's just a casual thing everyone does.

[Tom Segura]

Everyone does that.

[Christina P]

Yeah, he does.

[E]

In my live workshops, we do a beautiful exercise. And this is actually inspired by a guy named Darius Bashar.

[Christina P]

I hope they run trades.

[Tom Segura]

Basically. What?

[Christina P]

What? Three different dicks.

[Tom Segura]

They are different.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah, they all look the same to me.

[Christina P]

God, I hope an alligator Runs out of there and just eats one off.

[Tom Segura]

See that? You love your penis.

[Christina P]

I do.

[Tom Segura]

I feel like you have a good self esteem.

[E]

How about we go first?

[Tom Segura]

So we're going to.

[Christina P]

Please don't touch dicks.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I hope they do three deep breaths.

[Tom Segura]

Adrien's going to get her wish pretty soon.

[Christina P]

Oh, I mean appreciating their dick.

[Tom Segura]

Because in Chinese medicine, the dick is the outermost extension of your heart.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Come. The other guy's not in there.

[Christina P]

He's rubbing it back and forth in their leg.

[Tom Segura]

I think the most upsetting part of this would be like, if we were doing this, just.

[Christina P]

We're never gonna do this.

[Tom Segura]

The head of your dick was on my thigh. I'd be like, I know it's there.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I can't do that.

[Christina P]

No way.

[Tom Segura]

No way. Says the guy that took a shit.

[Adrian Appolucci]

A shit on stage.

[Christina P]

Okay, let's do it. You're right. Let's go.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, no, no. Stop, stop.

[Christina P]

Let's go.

[Tom Segura]

Why did you shit on stage?

[Christina P]

What?

[Tom Segura]

I feel like this is such.

[Adrian Appolucci]

What else can he do? Yeah, there's like, next year you're gonna have to.

[Tom Segura]

You had to shit.

[Christina P]

I was. Had to take a shit. I was on antibiotics.

[Tom Segura]

And how many people are in the room while you shit?

[Christina P]

120.

[Tom Segura]

Was it a healthy shit?

[Adrian Appolucci]

It looked like elephant round. Like, it was huge.

[Tom Segura]

It was huge.

[Christina P]

A lot of people were saying it was extremely bloody, but I say less bloody than normal. Oh. I say a moderate level of blood. Wiping. Except what?

[Tom Segura]

No wiping.

[Christina P]

I wiped and threw it in the audience. That wasn't the plan. But once I had wiped and I had a wipe, I was like, oh, now it's like when there's a gun in a scene, you know, you can't take the gun out. You always notice.

[Tom Segura]

What's wrong with him.

[Adrian Appolucci]

His shits are really. He showed me a picture once. It looks like strawberry chocolate cake or something. I've seen a lot of gummy bears.

[Christina P]

Spicy gummy bears.

[Tom Segura]

You've seen. You've seen the hemorrhoid?

[Adrian Appolucci]

I don't think I've seen your hemorrhoid.

[Christina P]

It's not out right now.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Thank God.

[Tom Segura]

I've never seen a video of it.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I don't think so.

[Christina P]

Can you find it?

[Tom Segura]

Of course.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I mean, he's. He showed me, like, his ass tampons. And I'd have to be like, don't. Don't put that on me.

[Tom Segura]

Don't put that on me. A normal thing to say to a friend.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

Don't put your ass tampon.

[Christina P]

On. I would have eventually. We're friends enough where it's like, you would have. You would have got it.

[Tom Segura]

Would you go to a one of his clinics?

[Christina P]

This part would be hard.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Would you?

[Tom Segura]

That'd be tough.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Their dicks aren't even.

[Christina P]

Oh, no.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Oh, no.

[Christina P]

How is this part of self love? This is just gay, this whole thing.

[Tom Segura]

No. Oh, yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

There's a movie like. Oh, no. There's a movie where the guy's, like, sucking his own dick in the beginning. That's not that good.

[Christina P]

Just in a cup and drink it.

[Adrian Appolucci]

What is this guy's deal?

[Tom Segura]

Well, here, listen. He says something important here.

[Christina P]

Oh, he's been at it like my dog. That's a treat. I'm just enjoying the taste of it. I'm shameless.

[E]

I'm fearless.

[Christina P]

I'm doubtless.

[Tom Segura]

There you go.

[Christina P]

Oh, is this Lena Dunham?

[E]

I want to get all of it out. You don't want to waste any of it.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Christina P]

I mean, he's a Jew too.

[Adrian Appolucci]

If he really loved himself, he would suck his own dick, though.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he's trying. He's definitely doing everything.

[Adrian Appolucci]

But he's not. But he's not.

[Christina P]

He's not. If he really loved him, I met him.

[Adrian Appolucci]

That's what I would tell him.

[Christina P]

That you can. What?

[Adrian Appolucci]

If you really loved yourself, you'd suck your own dick. Get some of your ribs taken out.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

These guys come to you?

[Tom Segura]

No, he came here. He came in the studio.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Was he naked?

[Tom Segura]

He tried to and we were like, no. So he did. In his underwear?

[Christina P]

What do you mean, jizz in his underwear?

[Tom Segura]

No, he didn't jizz. He just did the show.

[Christina P]

Oh, he did the show in his underwear?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. But he was like, can I be naked? We were like, I don't think so.

[Christina P]

I'd rather not.

[Tom Segura]

There's nice ladies that work here. Yeah.

[Christina P]

I'm surprised your staff hasn't seen something. I'm surprised I haven't stepped over a line yet.

[Tom Segura]

Here, you. Yeah, let's keep it like that.

[Christina P]

Yeah, I'm trying, but no, no, no. You don't get to shake your head. No. It's just for the girls.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

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[Adrian Appolucci]

So what is this guy's thing when he comes on your podcast? What does he talk about?

[Christina P]

The fact that you don't have a jar of his cum is a shortcoming on your part.

[Tom Segura]

You know, the first thing we saw before even I don't know if we saw a piss first. It was like he would do this kind of stuff, you know, like.

[E]

So I just went for a run, did some workouts and push ups. I'm just pulling back my force foreskin and I'm just waving my hummus cannon around that shroom I'm sniffing and there's a very subtle pheromonal primal secretion of apricrin pheromones underneath the foreskin and from the sides of the glands and the. What's it called? The scrotal sac. And it's really interesting because in Sparta the men were constantly working out with their foreskins forward. They. I find it.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I think he's making this stuff up.

[Christina P]

He sounds scientific though.

[Tom Segura]

He does. And like in this one right here, like he was citing such specific. So we would. We would play it till and kind of enjoy it. And then when we were in here with him, I was like this thing.

[E]

Like so cute and funny and kind of annoying that so many modern menswear leaders base their branding off of like Spartan culture. And they call it the modern warrior journal or, you know, we're the.

[Tom Segura]

We're the samurai brotherhood. You know, they never got naked.

[E]

They never do ball cupping rituals. They never see each other's.

[Tom Segura]

Hearts.

[Christina P]

That is crazy.

[Tom Segura]

That's crazy.

[Christina P]

Crazy.

[Tom Segura]

This was like the.

[Christina P]

How we modern men are doing this.

[Tom Segura]

These videos. We were like, this is hilarious.

[Christina P]

Does he go home for Thanksgiving?

[Tom Segura]

He does so when he was. He's very sincere. He's a very sincere guy. Like when he's. When he's out here, he's. You could tell that like he really means this stuff. And I was like, you know, I think he's used to the reaction that we all have to it. And he just goes on. I mean, he's. He.

[E]

When really they could be leeching good high vibrational brotherhood vibrations into each other's ball sacks through cupping, which is exactly what the Spartans did.

[Tom Segura]

These.

[E]

You know, if you claim to be like a Spartan samurai brotherhood, it's like the samurai were sniffing each other's balls.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I've never heard of that. You never? Yeah, but you never hear this stuff.

[Christina P]

I saw the entire run of the show. Showgun. And that never came.

[Tom Segura]

No. You missed it. You didn't. It was episode three.

[Christina P]

Oh, really?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. There's a lot of that.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Does this guy have like a job?

[Tom Segura]

I think he has an only fans.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I would love for this guy to be in the workplace.

[Tom Segura]

I know.

[Christina P]

Yeah, I gotta go to the bathroom real quick and make a video.

[Tom Segura]

And I think because he's in Canada, you know, when like the person goes, I don't feel comfortable with this. As my co worker in Canada, they'd be like, you know what? You're fired for complaining about them. So.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Right.

[Tom Segura]

They're never gonna.

[Christina P]

We need a normalized jizzing in our own faces.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Why are we making this such. Why are you being such a fucking.

[Christina P]

So backwards.

[Tom Segura]

So sensitive about it, man.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I'd never want that guy to drink out of any of my cups. Really? Please don't touch any of my stuff.

[Christina P]

What did you have your mouth on?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Okay, don't use my spoon.

[Tom Segura]

Wait, are. You're New Yorker? Through and through. Right. Where did you grow up in New York?

[Adrian Appolucci]

In the Bronx.

[Tom Segura]

In the Bronx. And did you start just like going to mics like people do in the city or. How did you start?

[Adrian Appolucci]

My mom was doing stand up.

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Adrian Appolucci]

She did stand up on and off throughout like my life, and then she took me to a open mic.

[Tom Segura]

No. How old were you?

[Adrian Appolucci]

26.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P]

Oh, I pictured you as like when Homer took his kid to the.

[Tom Segura]

Is your. Does your mom still do Santa?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah, she was on Fallon.

[Christina P]

What?

[Adrian Appolucci]

They had like nanow week or something, so she got in as like a grandmom. Did she stand up?

[Christina P]

What? Yeah, I've never been on Fallon.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, recently.

[Adrian Appolucci]

During the pandemic.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. It's not that long ago.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Couple years ago.

[Christina P]

What. What's your mom go by?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Do you mean what she go by?

[Christina P]

What's her name? Name Mama.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Debbie Baza.

[Christina P]

Do you not want to say? Do you not want to talk about.

[Adrian Appolucci]

No. I mean, we already just did. I don't care what.

[Tom Segura]

But that's so like. Do you. Do you get to have. You know the best part of this is like comic conversations.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Sure. But my. My mom will be jealous. Like a comic. Like, I remember I got something one time she was like, how did you get that?

[Tom Segura]

Your own mom.

[Adrian Appolucci]

My own mom. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Hilarious. So what you think of your special coming up? Good for you.

[Adrian Appolucci]

No, she was. She was happy for me.

[Tom Segura]

That's good.

[Adrian Appolucci]

She was happy for me.

[Christina P]

Yeah, but does she ever give you advice on how to write a joke?

[Adrian Appolucci]

No.

[Tom Segura]

I'm assuming you have very different styles.

[Adrian Appolucci]

We do. But you know what's funny? My mom is actually pretty dirty. I'm not really dirty. I'm more dark. But my mom is like kind of dirty. She'll do a lot of like the urban rooms and she's like a dirtier comic.

[Tom Segura]

No shit.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That's unbelievable.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And so she's been at it for a long time.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah. But she takes breaks.

[Christina P]

Yeah, you know, like year long breaks.

[Tom Segura]

And how long have you been at it now?

[Adrian Appolucci]

20 years.

[Tom Segura]

20 years.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Fucking A long time.

[Christina P]

Yeah, she's like, like east Coast Holtzman.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Then without the anger, but like go great or terrible. If the crowd decides no, it's just gonna be no.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah, but I mean, I'm not saying.

[Christina P]

Like yeah, but when they're into it, though, it's. It's like, sure.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I seen him at Skank Fest. I know. He was saying something to me about Josh Adam Myers, and he was like, I didn't know he sings. And I was like, stop. Your. I know you're with me.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

He was.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yes. He was like, oh, I never knew he did that. Did you know that he does the singing thing?

[Tom Segura]

That was like. He was doing a bit on you, kind of.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I think I was like, brian, stop. He started laughing. He's like, I didn't know he did that.

[Tom Segura]

That guy's voice is unbelievable, though. If you're like, josh.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

The first time I was in a room, and he was like, they're like, he's gonna sing. I was like, he's gonna sing.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then he started singing. I was like, holy.

[Christina P]

It goes on.

[Adrian Appolucci]

He does have a good voice.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

He commits to.

[Tom Segura]

Did you always do dark?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Kind of.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Early on, kind of. Did you? How? Because, I mean, 20. The thing is 20. You can't fake or pretend 20 years have gone by. Like, it just has to.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Sure.

[Tom Segura]

So, like, when, you know, an audience, for instance, is not on board now, it's something you're familiar with. Right. Like, you go like, oh, this feels familiar. But, like, when you're coming up and you're not yet, like, you know. Know what you're dealing with. Was it like shell shock?

[Adrian Appolucci]

No. I knew pretty early on I was not for everyone. I mean, I keep getting booked at charity shows, and I'm like, hey, I don't think I'm gonna be right for this. And I keep getting taken off stage at the charity show.

[Tom Segura]

You get removed a lot.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Two charity shows that I've done, and I'm like, hey, I don't think I'm right for this. Like, I tell them ahead of time.

[Tom Segura]

And then they're like, no.

[Adrian Appolucci]

And then I get stopped in the middle of my set and taken off stage.

[Tom Segura]

How does.

[Christina P]

They're just having a good time raising money.

[Adrian Appolucci]

The first time I was upset by it, and then the second time I was just like, this is not the first time I've gotten kicked off stage.

[Tom Segura]

That's very funny.

[Christina P]

What was the one for the benefit for the rich people?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Oh, my God. So I did this charity in Row 8 in Connecticut, which is just like, rich people. And it was a charity for helping poor kids or something.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

You know, they do that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Towels available online right now.

[Adrian Appolucci]

But they were. They were like, a very fun crowd. The girl before Me did a joke. I go on stage, I'm like, killing. And then I did a joke about, like, rich people having sex with kids on boats. And I lost half the crowd. And then. And then I got taken off stage.

[Tom Segura]

Because I actually walk up.

[Adrian Appolucci]

So somebody's. The guy that, like, introduced us all, came on stage. He was like, all right, you got to get off stage. I was like, all right. So I get off stage. I'm not going to fight. I'll never fight. I'm like, I don't care. So I get taken off stage, and I'm like, I don't know what happened because I was like, killing, you know, And I understand if I'm bombing the whole time, like. Yeah. So I was like, I don't know what happened. So this lady comes out to me. She was like, you probably don't know this, but there's a pretty famous pile in the community who was like, abusing kids. I was like, why would I know that?

[Christina P]

On boats.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yes. And so I googled him. It was like someone that worked at CNN or something. And there's a picture of him in front of his yacht.

[Christina P]

So they're like, you must be talking about Bob.

[Adrian Appolucci]

So his wife was there.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, there you go.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah. And she, like, gave the look to this guy. And then they took me off stage.

[Tom Segura]

I had a show once that was. That actually did. It wasn't like they did do a charity donation in it, but I made a joke about. I'm trying to phrase it the right way.

[Christina P]

Yeah, you gotta rethink how to say it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I'm trying.

[Christina P]

Different audience.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. About how when it's. Some sexual things can happen to you that you'll get over, that was the. The premise of it. Like. Like, it's bad, but essentially what I said, go. I was like, it's not that bad. Like, you. You'll get over it. And this woman stood up and she goes, no. And I was like, what? And she goes, leave, leave, leave. And I go, no.

[Christina P]

Can I make a guess?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

White lady.

[Tom Segura]

Yes.

[Christina P]

Okay, go ahead.

[Tom Segura]

See, she walks towards the stage, and I was like, no. And then she just makes a. She's walking forward. Then she makes a right. And she kicks open the exit door, which is over here. Kicks it. Double double doors. Boom. And I was like, all right. And I went back. Everybody's uneasy. This is like a 300 person room. So I get off stage, and I was like. And I walked backstage, and someone grabs me. They're like, look, man, that was really funny. But she's Backstage right now.

[Christina P]

I knew she knew she'd be waiting.

[Tom Segura]

I was like, she's backstage.

[Christina P]

Why would you let her backstage?

[Tom Segura]

She is the friend of one of the other comics. Wife's. His wife. And they're just trying to consult her to try to tell her how this stuff worked. Like, how comedy. I'm like, what?

[Christina P]

If you go back there, it's gonna be a fight?

[Tom Segura]

He's like, if you go back there, this is going to be. I go. I go, that's. It's fine. I'll. I'll. I'm fine. I just go, I'm leaving. So I just went out the other door and I just went to the store and I ran the exact same set that I just on there. Fine. Great. It was great. Yeah, it was great.

[Christina P]

It's crazy how one person can turn.

[Tom Segura]

And then people like emailed me and.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Like, hey, what's funny at that show is like, the young people were like, we liked you. We didn't think you should be taken off stage. They were mad. So the next comment goes on. It's like the whole show is stopped now. Yeah, there's like a 20 minute stop.

[Christina P]

How about don't have your husband kids?

[Adrian Appolucci]

I know that seems like the bigger issue, but I should be more mad.

[Tom Segura]

At him, but only a little bit. Yes. That's crazy.

[Adrian Appolucci]

It was.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

And then my friend goes on after. He's like, I want to address what happened. I'm like, oh. And then half the people are clapping for me because he's like, she's still in the room. It was so weird.

[Christina P]

Never stops. No, it never stops.

[Tom Segura]

You ever have like a traumatic one, like where you were shell shocked by it?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Not really shell shocked sometimes.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, like, I remember just early on. Not like, you know, if you do like a few shows and they go like, fairly well, then you're like, I think this is like as bad as it can go, right? Like, you're just like. And then. Oh, man. Doing. I did one of those, like, Cat Club shows, like, on Sunset. You know, it was like 50 people in this room. I don't remember the joke, but just people going like, like, you're like, oh. And you are like, oh, good one. Like those things where you're like, damn. And it's like, like, I feel, you know, you get you. I can remember just feeling stunned, just being like, I didn't know people do that. You know, it's like the first time that happens. I mean, this is like year one, year two.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Sure. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

But you're still like, I Don't know. People actually do. Like, I would never do that.

[Christina P]

Wasn't that more of a New York thing earlier? People would come to fuck up shows at clubs.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I remember going up to, like, somewhere in Harlem. They had, like, an urban show and they let new comics go up. And then if they don't like you. I think there was like, a gong or something, and it was like, there's all picnic. It was so weird. They had all inside furniture, like, outside furniture, inside, like, plastic chairs and picnic tabletops. I remember I was dating a guy at the time, and he. Him and the other guy came with both. They were like, you got to get off stage. And I did it. And I. I didn't.

[Tom Segura]

I did.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Okay. I didn't, like, get that, but I was like, that's weird. It's weird to just be in that situation where they're like, nope. Next.

[Tom Segura]

Nope. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Urban rooms are for black comics and super bad white comics.

[Tom Segura]

That's very funny because, like, I can see that if you develop your act there.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

As a white guy, you're just developing all these, like, weird instincts that, like, are not going to apply to most of the rooms you're gonna end up doing, basically.

[Christina P]

Yeah. There's almost no club where you're like, dj, play that. The sound guy, you mean? Or the dj.

[Tom Segura]

The, like, the black club move of like, hey, man, when I get up, play this.

[Christina P]

All right?

[Tom Segura]

And then they get up and they're like, hey, man, what kind of was that? You're like, you asked him to play that? That's your joke. Cut that shit off, man. Ain't nobody trying to listen to Justin Bieber. Okay.

[Adrian Appolucci]

One time I did a show and a guy was pretending he was in a coffin on stage, and then they played the music and he's like, this is what be like, you know, when you get to heaven and then plays the music. He gets out of the coffin, he's dancing. And then I think I went up right after him.

[Tom Segura]

Killer set.

[Adrian Appolucci]

No, no, I ate it hard. I went up last. I'm kind of like, dry deadpan a bit. It's just a black room. There's every TV on.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

It was someone's birthday. They had a cake, everyone's eating, and I just bought. And I waited for, like, three hours.

[Tom Segura]

Of course. Yeah, we used to do these LA shows that were like ambush shows. Like, you didn't realize. They're like, hey, you want to get up tonight? Go to, like, you know, Manelli's, whatever. And you're like, okay. And it's an Italian restaurant. And then you realize, oh, people are just there having din.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

They don't know they didn't go to a show. And then they're like, is stand up time? And you're like, you can't do this to people.

[Christina P]

Yeah, they're right. It's the only thing the audience is right. Hey, man, I'm on a date.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah, right.

[Christina P]

And also, it's not just, like, some setup punchlines. It's like really horrible things.

[Tom Segura]

Really horrible. Yeah.

[Christina P]

If you're not in the mood for it.

[Tom Segura]

And they're like, you know what? I'm gonna have the tortellini to go. This has been enough for me. Thank you.

[Christina P]

One of the first times I got on stage naked was at the ucb. Only you can say that Brody was on stage. And Brody was like a deathly. I think even so he was like, hey, don't do that around me. Which is just like, listen, I'm. I've grown. But at the time, it was like, I'm definitely doing it to you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And so I took my. I took a tear away pants. And then I just went up on stage with Brody. But Brody's also addicted to the spotlight.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

So he wanted to be out of there from homophobia, but also he needed to be on stage. So we're, like, kind of wrestling for space.

[Tom Segura]

Where you, like, walk. You walked and, like, turned and, like. Is that, you know. I mean, like, I feel like you. I saw this thing where you walked out and then just turned and then walked back. I don't know. I don't know if that's the one.

[Christina P]

I do that sometimes.

[Tom Segura]

You've done it so many times. What are we talking about? Sorry.

[Christina P]

But this is up there. And then. And then afterwards, Kindler goes up and. I mean, they don't get dicks out at all shows.

[Adrian Appolucci]

No.

[Christina P]

Just goes, cancel my order of portobello mushrooms.

[Tom Segura]

That's great. That's great. What is this? Hold on. I have something here.

[Christina P]

Okay, that's cool. Whoa. Somebody rammed him.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he got up. That guy did.

[Christina P]

He's like, let's go. Forget the bike. Is this the first time you've been run over to bike during a getaway act? Like you've been there before. Take her helmet off.

[Tom Segura]

There it is a good job, huh? Lose the helmet.

[Christina P]

Do they run, like, not athletic people.

[Tom Segura]

That was rad. I think this might be in Chile.

[Christina P]

What was. What was. Do we know the context on that?

[Tom Segura]

Do we know where that is? Is that in Latin America? Sure. Felt like a Latin America. Move.

[Christina P]

You want to get rid of that helmet? He knew he's gonna have to buy another one. Maryland, Yo.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I thought that was the Middle East.

[Tom Segura]

Middle. I don't know. Maryland can be pretty rough.

[Christina P]

It can. Depending on where.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

It depend. Square parts of Baltimore. Yeah. Where Sickler's from is like, I was never allowed to go there.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Christina P]

Yeah. Like, no. If there was, like, a party there.

[Tom Segura]

No, no.

[Christina P]

And that was his up. His, like, upbringing.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. In the city or the county.

[Christina P]

Yeah. His little area where he was. It was just. It was for trash.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

There's no reason. We have a 711 here. There's literally no reason to go there.

[Tom Segura]

I think there's another. What is it? Here's another one. I got all that already, baby. I got all that. You hit my car.

[Christina P]

I didn't hit your car.

[Tom Segura]

Hit my car.

[Christina P]

That's Mar.

[Tom Segura]

She's taking her plate.

[Christina P]

What?

[Adrian Appolucci]

That was smart, actually.

[Christina P]

She was already taking it off.

[Tom Segura]

Look at the. The smoke coming off of the. Oh, that. She definitely hit something.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah. Airbags came. Oh, my God.

[Christina P]

I didn't hit nothing.

[Adrian Appolucci]

That's amazing.

[Tom Segura]

Police already got you all that. I feel like it's such a chick move to.

[Adrian Appolucci]

To take your license. No.

[Tom Segura]

To react the way, like, I didn't do nothing. I didn't do any fucking thing. And, like, all frantic and like, it's like.

[Christina P]

It's not even, like, a borderline lie. Your car is caved in.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You hit something very hard.

[Christina P]

That accent. It's that specific accent. Let me hear again. It's like a certain kind of white trash.

[Tom Segura]

I got all that already, baby.

[Christina P]

I didn't hit your car.

[Tom Segura]

Hit my car.

[Christina P]

Don't play with me.

[Tom Segura]

I'm telling you, don't play with me. Her mouth's crooked, too.

[Adrian Appolucci]

She has hard nips, too.

[Christina P]

Oh, she's. She's worked up over this guy.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I know. She should just offer to him.

[Tom Segura]

It's a stimulating experience, for sure.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Maybe that's how she gets off. She has to hit someone's car.

[Tom Segura]

Do you like. You like that Mid Atlantic accent? Oh, hey, no, it's on that.

[Christina P]

I like, for a second, but then if I'm talking to them, like, oh, I don't want to be in this conversation. It's a sign of, like. You shouldn't be this close to someone. One.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Oh, say, can you see Orioles games by the ds? Are we white?

[Christina P]

That's not. It's a baby.

[Tom Segura]

That's. That's a mid Atlantic dude.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

1.

[Christina P]

It's Delmarva on shore. Go down to the shore. No effects. Is like you can hear it.

[Tom Segura]

Oh.

[Christina P]

Ah. She's getting up.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I thought she might be dead. She's not.

[Christina P]

She might still be.

[Tom Segura]

That's a big fall, man.

[Christina P]

What. Where did she come from?

[Tom Segura]

From a balcony. Like, that's under a building up.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Man, she must be rich.

[Christina P]

I mean, who goes. She didn't even try. Is she laughing?

[Tom Segura]

I don't think so. I think she's like, what the. Wait, look how hard she falls.

[Christina P]

She falls hard. The bounce.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah, that's a big fall.

[Christina P]

Wow. She bowed.

[Tom Segura]

She dented the ground pretty hard, man.

[Christina P]

Fix your divot. That's what I said.

[Tom Segura]

It's rude not to.

[Christina P]

Yeah. Hopefully she has a divot repair tool. No, not a train. Oh.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Oh.

[Christina P]

It's not the electrician that goes. It's the headphones.

[Tom Segura]

Is the head fall. Wow.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Was he fixing something or trying to kill himself?

[Tom Segura]

I don't. That's a very good question.

[Christina P]

Yeah, that's a good question.

[Tom Segura]

And that might be the name of this segment from now on.

[Christina P]

Fixing or killing yourself.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Are you fixing something or trying yourself?

[Tom Segura]

You're trying to fix this or do you want.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I don't know what you're fixing.

[Christina P]

Look at all the people on the train too. Just like, none the wiser.

[Tom Segura]

Is this.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Better not delay it.

[Tom Segura]

He climbed onto the train station at the. What is this? Liberty One station. I don't know where that is. And grabbed a current collector through a rag. Oh, it's in Russia.

[Christina P]

Oh. He thought he was holding up the rag. That'll stop.

[Tom Segura]

He survived. He went two days unconscious in intensive care. The current went through his heart. He eventually came to broken neck, burns and bruises. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Broken neck from the fall.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

What was he doing?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, he was, I think, trying to fix something.

[Adrian Appolucci]

He was trying to fix something or kill him.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, he had the rag. So it's like if you're.

[Christina P]

You wouldn't have the rag if you're trying to kill yourself.

[Tom Segura]

That's what I think.

[Christina P]

You would lick your hands and do it.

[Tom Segura]

He's like, I got it. You know? They were like, hey, the train's not moving.

[Adrian Appolucci]

He's like, wait, but did he work there?

[Christina P]

He's probably just late for work.

[Tom Segura]

He was like, arrogant guy who's like.

[Adrian Appolucci]

The train's not gonna fix this. Everyone knows who's grandson's not working.

[Christina P]

He's not working. But he's like, oh, I've seen her.

[Adrian Appolucci]

What. What is happening?

[Christina P]

She's mad. She's on film.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Oh, you don't Want to let her get a hold of you? This is like when bird's coming at you, you gotta gas him.

[Tom Segura]

You gotta gas him. And then this oo damn homeless guy.

[Adrian Appolucci]

That guy just saved that other person.

[Tom Segura]

He did.

[Adrian Appolucci]

And he did he already an angel in a.

[Tom Segura]

In a moment. It was like an angel saw her.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Coming and he goes, not today.

[Christina P]

This is like when orcas defend seals against killer whales or whatever. Or against sharks.

[Tom Segura]

That is so true.

[Christina P]

Yeah. He just was like, nah, you don't need to be around her.

[Tom Segura]

Those tits were something, huh?

[Adrian Appolucci]

I do wonder where she lost the bra. Like at some point she probably had a bra.

[Tom Segura]

But do you. I mean, she probably stopped wearing it a long time ago.

[Christina P]

What? She didn't have back pain like everybody.

[Tom Segura]

No, it's just like, she just, she's.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Just homeless for a long time.

[Christina P]

It's this turn of like, I mean.

[Tom Segura]

Look at she's weight.

[Adrian Appolucci]

She also.

[Christina P]

Oh my God.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Sleeves of that shirt.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. The bra has not been in her vocabulary. Long, long time.

[Christina P]

I'm with them.

[Tom Segura]

Just like, I'll you up.

[Christina P]

Look at this guy. He's so happy. He's so happy to do this. He's like, she turned, she didn't see me. And he's running just in case she didn't fall.

[Tom Segura]

He's so stoked.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Awesome.

[Christina P]

He's been waiting for that moment. It so it's all my food.

[Tom Segura]

It's so amazing.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Not today.

[Christina P]

Oh, Jesus. No, no, you just go, oh, you're clearly going too fast. Oh, no. Why turn into the. Oh, that's death.

[Adrian Appolucci]

That person is gone, baby. God.

[Tom Segura]

How concerned is the driver though? Does he look?

[Christina P]

Hey, why she came out.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Why wouldn't he try and reverse?

[Christina P]

Back up.

[Tom Segura]

He's like, what do I do?

[Christina P]

Back it up, back it up.

[Tom Segura]

Here's the thing. He backs up and this guy just springs right up. No, that's crazy. He does. No, he watch, he jumps.

[Christina P]

Set up. Oh, no. Dude, there's a full death. You can't show full death on your podcast.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yes, you can. Honor their life.

[Christina P]

What?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Honor their life.

[Christina P]

Failed blocks are only funny. You can't show full death.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Honor his life.

[Christina P]

Wow. And they also were like, damn, he's gonna hit that pull and then a slight turn.

[Adrian Appolucci]

And they also didn't move.

[Tom Segura]

They didn't.

[Adrian Appolucci]

It's kind of his fault.

[Tom Segura]

They see it coming.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah, it's kind of.

[Tom Segura]

They definitely hear it coming. Big ass truck like that.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Oh, the other guy got away.

[Christina P]

You're like, he'll pop up. Fuck off. Fuck you, dude.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I didn't think he was gonna pop up. I was like, I think this one's gone.

[Tom Segura]

That was good.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I didn't know the legs were gonna do that. Does that happen when you break your back?

[Tom Segura]

That's a good noise.

[Christina P]

Yeah, put that. Put that on loop in the opening tomorrow.

[Tom Segura]

That's pretty fun. We got another one for you. Oh, that truck.

[Christina P]

Oh, it's up there. No, no, no, no, dude. No, no, no, no, no, no. Get out of there.

[Tom Segura]

He pops up, though.

[Christina P]

I mean, what are you going to do? Pick. Oh, he's out.

[Tom Segura]

He's okay.

[Christina P]

Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Told you. All right. It's all right. Any.

[Christina P]

What is your life, bro?

[Tom Segura]

Any.

[Christina P]

So you just live in this.

[Adrian Appolucci]

This is pretty great. It reminds me, who cares about.

[Christina P]

There was a Google job where you had to check what should go in the Dark Web, what should go on the real web.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

And these guys always do about a month and then seek therapy for the rest of their lives.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Christina P]

That's you.

[Adrian Appolucci]

This isn't that bad. This isn't that bad.

[Christina P]

No, the other one, though. Oh, I guess it's you guys, too. Yeah. You guys have to show what's funny enough as death. Oh, yeah. This was horrific. But I don't see an arc.

[Adrian Appolucci]

You didn't see that guy's face, though.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

No. Wow. Good camera work.

[Tom Segura]

Isn't that cool?

[Christina P]

Flying whiff.

[Tom Segura]

And look. He's okay. He's all right. Everybody's okay on the show. Everybody's okay. Jesus. All right, one more.

[Christina P]

Okay. All right. This guy's. This guy rules.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's. He knows you. I think he knows he's coming in hot.

[Christina P]

He's got to hit water. You okay? What a great question. Keeps asking me. Get in. Help him get wet.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Why should he get wet?

[Tom Segura]

I think he crashed that fucking hard. Yeah. I think he probably broke limbs and maybe collapsed along.

[Christina P]

It just wasn't open. And he was like.

[Tom Segura]

He was coming to game after.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Clearly, this guy's fault. The other guy was just standing there and got killed.

[Tom Segura]

Totally.

[Adrian Appolucci]

This guy really deserves this.

[Christina P]

Yeah, but also, the other guy just keeps saying, are you okay? Like, get him out. No.

[Tom Segura]

Right?

[Christina P]

He fell. What other noise do I gotta make to let you know I'm not okay?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Maybe moving him will make it worse.

[Christina P]

Oh, yeah. Maybe let him drown.

[Tom Segura]

That is true.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah. It's like, I don't want to get wet.

[Christina P]

Maybe the other guys like that scene in Breaking Bad where he just lets that chick, like, drown in her vomit. Maybe the other guy's like, I'll be number one if I just Let you in there.

[Adrian Appolucci]

That's right.

[Tom Segura]

Let me ask you about the. Oh, sorry. We got something for you because Adrian asked.

[Adrian Appolucci]

What did I ask for?

[Tom Segura]

That's Ari. Oh, just watch.

[Christina P]

From. Yeah, that's from a long time ago, but it hasn't changed.

[Tom Segura]

What a heavy dick, man.

[Christina P]

So I just finished taking what I thought was a dump.

[Adrian Appolucci]

What the is that?

[Christina P]

It's hemorrhoids.

[Adrian Appolucci]

It looks like the mushrooms that sprout after you leave dog in the ground. That's what you're living with?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Not all the time. Do you.

[Tom Segura]

Have you ever have them drained or operated on?

[Christina P]

The rubber bands around them that kill them off? Nug life. But it didn't take.

[Tom Segura]

That's your friend.

[Adrian Appolucci]

That's your friend.

[Christina P]

Redman used to go to Apple stores and load that up on all the computers and then walk away.

[Adrian Appolucci]

That's funny.

[Tom Segura]

Did he really?

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Holy shit.

[Christina P]

Look at Less Fat Joe derosa.

[Adrian Appolucci]

How does your shit even make it out?

[Tom Segura]

Is Joe fat?

[Christina P]

What?

[Tom Segura]

Is Joe fat?

[Christina P]

No, he's just worn down.

[Tom Segura]

Oh. Yeah.

[Christina P]

I guess he's not much fatter than that. I don't know how it makes it out. Kind of like a maze. You kind of got to go through and out. It's kind of like a play DOH factory. It runs out in certain shapes, so it's shaped like that.

[Adrian Appolucci]

But you could stop getting them if you stopped eating all the spicy food, right?

[Christina P]

Maybe.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Right?

[Christina P]

You get leakage, too. You ever get leakage?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, I've had leaky days.

[Christina P]

It's just like oil.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Do you make your own tampons?

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina P]

Oh, buddy. It's so. It's so crafty.

[Tom Segura]

I'm. I'm okay.

[Christina P]

You gotta get into crafts. Make your own tampons. I bet that dude who drinks his own cum, that's a guy who's gonna make his own tampons.

[Tom Segura]

He probably was, but. Yeah. How do kids react when they see your face?

[Christina P]

They love it.

[Tom Segura]

They love it.

[Christina P]

Your son would love it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I'm sure.

[Christina P]

Yeah, he's up the age.

[Tom Segura]

He'd be like, that guy's face.

[Christina P]

Yeah, I saw a lot of this, like, staring and then getting their mom without looking at them and just, like, you know, just pulling the shirt, like.

[Tom Segura]

And how do homeless black guys react?

[Christina P]

Do us fresh, son. Yeah, that's it. Yeah, they. They're so into it.

[Tom Segura]

They like it.

[Adrian Appolucci]

They probably think you're gonna be homeless soon. This is, like, the start of it.

[Christina P]

Word's still out.

[Tom Segura]

Word is still out.

[Christina P]

Could easily happen. Yeah. Of all the comics, if Someone was like, oh, they're homeless now. Where would you. Who would you be least surprised by? Would you be like, no way. But I mean, I couldn't not see it.

[Tom Segura]

No, I. No way. Howie Mandel, if he was homeless, you're.

[Christina P]

Like, what the are you talking about? You're a germaphobe.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

So many germs there.

[Tom Segura]

But if somebody said Ari's homeless, I'd be like, where? What country?

[Christina P]

Right. Yeah, he just got. He lost all his money on drugs.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He's living in Vietnam. I'm like, yeah, that checks out.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I think he would enjoy that.

[Christina P]

I might do.

[Tom Segura]

Any big world travel plans?

[Christina P]

Yeah, I gotta go to Chile. Yeah, I gotta go travel around there.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Are you going to Peru?

[Christina P]

Yeah, Peru too. You're going go all through South America soon? Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

How long you gonna be? You always go for like, oh, I'm not long. Just three months?

[Christina P]

Yes, something like that? Six, eight?

[Adrian Appolucci]

No, it's like a year.

[Tom Segura]

Six or eight months. You're gonna do it.

[Adrian Appolucci]

He's putting out a special and then he's going away for you.

[Tom Segura]

I think it's so insane.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I know.

[Christina P]

Crazy person come out in January. Yeah, but it's like the one that.

[Tom Segura]

We were just talking about. Yeah, that'll come out in January.

[Christina P]

Yeah. And I'll probably leave in June.

[Tom Segura]

So you'll stay six months.

[Christina P]

Safe stay for a while then. Like just chase the sun down south for a while.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. I got. I got some for you when you're ready to.

[Christina P]

Jesus, bro. That kind of behavior and language will not be a tolerated below the border.

[Tom Segura]

I'll connect you to a few cholos and you'll.

[Christina P]

Can I meet your, like, real mom in Chile?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, sure.

[Christina P]

Peru, whatever.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah. Now I got some connects for you.

[Christina P]

Really?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, sure.

[Christina P]

Oh, hell yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Oh, yeah. Having accruing, like, just.

[Tom Segura]

I'll tell you this, Rex, don't show up with that face.

[Adrian Appolucci]

What would they do?

[Tom Segura]

They.

[Adrian Appolucci]

It would just everyone not trust him, right?

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

They would be like, yeah, I'm not helping your friend.

[Christina P]

You gotta beat it, man. You made me a target.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, for sure. Who's this?

[Christina P]

Oh, my God, it's so hot. So summer already, I guess.

[Tom Segura]

Enjoy life. Life is a celebration. There you go.

[Christina P]

Why did that need to be said?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Is that a toupee?

[Christina P]

So it looks like a toupee. It's so hot.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I think he also has colored contacts in. Right.

[Tom Segura]

He's doing a lot of things. Yeah.

[Christina P]

This is the problem with influencers. There's like no Content. Just talking into a camera.

[Tom Segura]

Some filler.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

That's a lot.

[Christina P]

It's Burton. Four years.

[Tom Segura]

You think so?

[Christina P]

Yeah, he's fully.

[Tom Segura]

He would do. He's so red. Have you seen how red he is? He's just so rosy. Fucking red.

[Christina P]

They were in Vegas at Skank Fest, and he was me, him, Derosa, Egut and Leanne. We're all talking about how we never get to hang. We'll go through, like, a shitty casino. Everyone recognizes them and, like, binions or something. He's like, oh, hey, he's complaining. He's like, you know, just for like, a tiny bit of money, you have to give a frame. Like, what tiny bit? What are you talking about?

[Tom Segura]

Who's saying this?

[Christina P]

Bert and Leanne's like, it's not a tiny bit. We're doing quite well.

[Tom Segura]

And then you have to give up your anonymity. He's saying, oh, like, he's got a problem.

[Christina P]

You're gonna get bothered. Is it even worth it? And was like, yeah, because you do it. So then we cut. We lose all our money and craps right away. We're all sitting in this section just, like, talking. I'll just five of us really hanging out. It's great. And then he goes, oh, here's four guys who don't recognize me. I see them, though, playing craps over there. I'm gonna go make their day. And he just goes and spends time with them for 30 minutes.

[Tom Segura]

He loves it. He loves it. He also is like, nothing's better than being famous. Yeah, it's the best. Says it all the time, so I don't buy that shit at all. What do we got, India?

[Christina P]

Who's on the ground? Oh.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God. That's a propane tank. Dude, you all right? We did the bit. You good?

[Christina P]

I mean, is this a punish? It's the crime.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Is that how they get you to talk?

[Christina P]

Dude, that's metal.

[Adrian Appolucci]

It's just like. You're not going to tell us where they are?

[Christina P]

Look at the little kids watching this.

[Tom Segura]

It's a show, though.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Oh, it's a show. It's a show.

[Christina P]

But he's not. All right.

[Tom Segura]

You're not gonna feel anything, bro. Let's let us do it.

[Christina P]

Oh, look how happy the guys who threw it. He's just, like, nailed that perfect shot.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina P]

Dude, these guys are thin, too. Wait, when I leave, are you gonna.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Say a bad word?

[Tom Segura]

One bad word?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah, into here.

[Tom Segura]

But when I leave, you can say it.

[Christina P]

It's trash. Mom.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

What's Gonna say, oh.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's a sweet kid.

[Christina P]

I should just teach him how to do it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He's talking about his mom. It's adorable.

[Adrian Appolucci]

That's really cute.

[Tom Segura]

That's super cute.

[Christina P]

He was so happy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

What a trash bomb. Whenever you see those with the. With that kind of British accent, you're.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Like, I didn't even know what accent that was. I hate accents.

[Tom Segura]

You hate accents?

[Adrian Appolucci]

It's disgusting.

[Tom Segura]

You like.

[Christina P]

How do you have any accent is disgusting.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Any accent. I only like America. Yeah, America has disgusting accents, too. I only like New York. That's it.

[Christina P]

You are the real New Yorker.

[Adrian Appolucci]

New York accents.

[Tom Segura]

Will you ever leave New York?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Probably not. I hate it so much.

[Tom Segura]

You hate.

[Adrian Appolucci]

It's the worst place I've ever been.

[Tom Segura]

New York. And that's why you won't leave.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Where else am I gonna go?

[Tom Segura]

Because is it. Is it kind of like I feel like I deserve this?

[Adrian Appolucci]

No. I just feel like I've lived there my whole life. Where am I gonna go? I don't. Like, I always.

[Christina P]

You gotta go.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I know, but I don't know. I.

[Tom Segura]

Why don't you use the. I don't know, the special to just be like your, you know, moved to Austin. Catalyst for doing something different.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Maybe he's trying to get me to move here.

[Tom Segura]

Why wouldn't you?

[Adrian Appolucci]

It's too fun. I don't like flying roaches that you guys have. Yeah, me and him stayed in the Airbnb.

[Christina P]

A while ago. Yeah, There was like, one bug.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Not true. We come and. It's a really nice place. We come home, there's a bug on the. In the bathroom this big. So I go and get him. I'm like, I'll. I'm not gonna stay here. He kills it. We come back the next day. There's just.

[Christina P]

She's really. I'm not gonna stay here because there was a bug.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Okay. One bug is a five.

[Christina P]

Beautiful place.

[Adrian Appolucci]

It was a beautiful place. The bug was this big. The next day we come back, there's more of them. They're in the kitchen. He also leaves a bunch of food open so they just have a. Wow.

[Tom Segura]

I wonder if that has anything to do with it.

[Christina P]

Okay.

[Adrian Appolucci]

And then the other people we were with, they were like, yeah, I woke up at one of my bed. I go, oh, I'm gonna actually just leave. And they're like, sure, you're gonna leave. And I went and got myself. Went to a hotel.

[Christina P]

1Am she just left.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I don't care.

[Tom Segura]

I like it.

[Christina P]

She just takes off. I'd Rather know where you go.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I'd rather get rid of bugs. One over a lifetime of bugs I would deal with. I can't deal with bugs. That's how much I hate it. I'm not saying it's good.

[Tom Segura]

No, it's not good.

[Adrian Appolucci]

It's bad. But that's how much I hate bugs.

[Tom Segura]

Bugs are worse.

[Christina P]

There's no therapy for bugs.

[Adrian Appolucci]

There's no therapy for bugs.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina P]

There's plenty of already experts on how to. So you've got the support system in place.

[Tom Segura]

So somebody threatened you with bugs, you'd be like, just take me.

[Adrian Appolucci]

But now at this point, I've. I've. I've already had to deal with so many bugs, it feels like. Wouldn't be fair.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

To add that to the bugs.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Right. Unless I would never see any for the rest of my life.

[Tom Segura]

Then you'd be okay.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I wouldn't be okay. I would just deal. I would get through it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, you let.

[Christina P]

We're like. I'm joking. We were just like. We didn't see a buck in our.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Bed, but I seen them in the kitchen.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah. No, horrible. I wouldn't sleep. I would stay up all night.

[Tom Segura]

He's got to be the worst house guest. I would be horrified to have you stay.

[Christina P]

You ever see me naked?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah. Yeah. It's not even, like, sexual.

[Christina P]

No.

[Tom Segura]

What. How does it register? It's just like. It's like seeing a psychiatry.

[Adrian Appolucci]

It's like seeing your kid get naked. You're like, put your clothes on.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Stop it.

[Tom Segura]

You have kids?

[Adrian Appolucci]

No.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina P]

You ever have an abortion?

[Adrian Appolucci]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Jesus.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I thought I was gonna have one, but I didn't. I got my period.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you're like, oh, thank God.

[Adrian Appolucci]

God came through.

[Tom Segura]

God.

[Adrian Appolucci]

In the end, a lot came through.

[Tom Segura]

How many have you paid for?

[Christina P]

I paid for one. Another one was just done without me. Didn't want any, like, refund or anything.

[Adrian Appolucci]

She didn't want a refund.

[Christina P]

She just told me, like, hey, three years ago, I had an abortion.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I was like, insurances pay.

[Christina P]

They cover it for the woman, not for the man. I had to pay for one. I was trying to get insurance. Like, you're not the patient.

[Tom Segura]

How much was it?

[Christina P]

400.

[Tom Segura]

That's not bad.

[Adrian Appolucci]

That's the going rate.

[Christina P]

Worth it.

[Tom Segura]

That's the rate.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I used to work at a place that did them.

[Tom Segura]

So like a.

[Christina P]

Just like a private business?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Well, it was an OB GYN office and then they also did abortions.

[Tom Segura]

Nice.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

That's got to be like, the funnest part of the job.

[Tom Segura]

What was it like working with Ari on the special?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Ari's actually very autistic and great.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Like in this special, he's like, very focused. He cares about everything nobody else cares about. Like, he wanted to get as many seats in there. Like, he is very autistic.

[Tom Segura]

That's good.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah. He thinks about stuff no one else is thinking about.

[Tom Segura]

And what about from. Because sometimes I think it's easy with specials to kind of go like, I don't care who's directing. But yours was directed by Louis. Like, was there. I don't know. What was that experience like for you?

[Adrian Appolucci]

I mean, I've worked with Louis for years. Sure. Yeah. And I also went to Europe with him. We went to the UK and stuff. I just trusted him. Like, I do think he's, like, amazing at what he does. So I did trust him and my one concern was like, I didn't really want to see the seller sign, so he. We extended the stage by 6 inches and shut the sign off. And like, I don't really move a lot on stage, so I stood pretty close to the front. So it does feel different than some of the other specials. And the lighting is. Was really beautiful.

[Christina P]

It looks so cool.

[Adrian Appolucci]

It does look really cool. And everyone's like, can we get that lighting in here? So, like, I do trust him. He knows what he's doing. Yeah. I'm really glad that, like, the both. I mean, this would have never happened when our at Ari, though, so. Yeah, he's been like my biggest supporter. So that's why I have, you know, I just. One day I'm going to have to just defend something atrocious that he does.

[Tom Segura]

And I think it's coming up. It's coming up.

[Adrian Appolucci]

The shooting on the stage is not it either. No, like, that's. I don't know what it is, but it'll be something.

[Christina P]

I'll need you to let me open for you at some point. Like, hey, remember when I helped you? Yeah, I'm fucked.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. Income source, homeless. I just got back to the States.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I'm going to just be like, sure, Cambodia. Sure you did something terrible, but sure.

[Tom Segura]

You can do it. Yeah.

[Christina P]

Louie was cool to work too, because it's like, where should we do it? Where should we do it? We thought about the Mothership. Like, be easy there. And then. And then he's like, I don't want to go there for that long. But also like, are you really comfortable there? Because why don't we do the Cellar where you're Comfortable?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah. I mean, that is like my home club, and that's where I'm the most comfortable.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

A lot of people do it in the view, which is much larger, but, like, I like a small, intimate room. Yeah. Low ceiling.

[Christina P]

It's the coolest room in New York.

[Adrian Appolucci]

It is very cool.

[Christina P]

Especially late night. You can do jokes about, like, drugs and ODs and anything, any sort of felching, and they're just like, we're already here with you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

On gross.

[Tom Segura]

On gross. We can keep going.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I'm proud of it, though, and I think it would be nice to get, like, an audience because I've just been touring and, like, people are just showing up, and some know what I do and some don't. And, I mean, I've had lots of people walk out.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

You open for me on a full tour? Yes, for a while on the Jew tour. And it was like, always, like, people didn't know you, but they were always like, hey, who was that lady?

[Adrian Appolucci]

But those would be, like, my fans, though.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I've also opened for Pat and Oswalt, and, like, some of those people would love me. And then some of them were, like, not happy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, but that means you're doing something interesting also, you know, I mean, like.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah, I guess.

[Tom Segura]

I think if everybody loves you, if.

[Christina P]

Pat and Louie and me can be like, I need you to, like, start the show.

[Tom Segura]

You're doing something right. You're doing something right.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I guess.

[Tom Segura]

I want to see if your Jadar goes off on this.

[Christina P]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

What's up?

[Christina P]

What's up? You speak Arabic?

[Tom Segura]

No. English. English.

[Christina P]

Nice.

[Tom Segura]

What's going on? Nothing. You guys need help?

[Christina P]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

What do you need help with?

[Christina P]

Why? Reach into the car. Drive away.

[Tom Segura]

He's just trying to. What? What happened? Huh? What happened? The car's okay, brother.

[Christina P]

Me, I'm from Dubai Arabia.

[Tom Segura]

I'm trying to. What happened?

[Christina P]

I need to help make this problem.

[Tom Segura]

What happened?

[Christina P]

Me today, I put my wallet on the top. I driving. I'm lost my debut, my crate, my money, everything. Okay, I know from here, From Dubai, Los Angeles. Dubai, Los Angeles.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, look, please. No, no, it's fine, it's fine. But tell me what happened. Help me, man.

[Christina P]

Some money. Gas for go home. I lost my money, my crazy debit card. You lost everything. I give you my ring, gold, anti carrots for you deposit. I need to help you. My American money. Gas for go home, brother.

[Tom Segura]

Okay? Do you know you're a scammer? Huh?

[Christina P]

You know you're a scammer, right? You. I know, I know.

[Tom Segura]

You scammer.

[Christina P]

I immediately knows he's caught with that car.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I don't help anybody.

[Christina P]

No, no, nobody.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Nope.

[Tom Segura]

That's also because of a New York life.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Maybe, but I just don't trust anyone.

[Tom Segura]

Somebody comes up to you, excuse me, Help me. I've had that so many times. By the way, the. I've been at a gas pump and somebody goes, can I. Can you help me out?

[Christina P]

I fell for it once in Maryland with you. I need help. I got to my kid. I'm. I'm like, all right, here's $10. When I need. When I needed it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Really?

[Adrian Appolucci]

That's really nice.

[Christina P]

No, it was a fool's move.

[Adrian Appolucci]

It was.

[Tom Segura]

But it was. But it was.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Because it was still nice.

[Christina P]

You ever have the one where the guy bumps into you and drops a bunch of food?

[Adrian Appolucci]

No.

[Christina P]

And goes, oh, yeah, I just found that one.

[Adrian Appolucci]

You help stop to help them.

[Christina P]

And they're like, oh, I'm so sorry. Drops this. This thing comes out. Food goes over and goes, that was my dinner.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Oh, well, boy.

[Christina P]

Yeah. I was with somebody, and I was like, let's go. And they're like, no, I gotta help them. Like, let's go. It's an obvious. First of all, he just happened to bump into you with a Tupperware that wasn't sealed, and it's just slices of bread.

[Adrian Appolucci]

So just eat it.

[Christina P]

Eat it.

[Tom Segura]

Eat it, dude.

[Christina P]

Eat it. Eat the fucking straight bread off the floor.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah. That's all you're eating anyway.

[Christina P]

Exactly.

[Tom Segura]

I can get you some more bread if you want, man.

[Christina P]

Yeah, yeah. Get you six more slices of plain bread.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. I saw Scam schizo guy in the. Like, a little sandwich shop.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And some guy was like, hey, man, what do you want? I'll get you something. And the guy was like, oh, yeah, I want a coffee. And, like, this sandwich. He's like, I got it. So he pays for it. And I watched the guy take the coffee, and I watch him empty, like, 18 packs of sugar, like, one by one into it. And I'm like, that's a lot of sugar, right? Like, just over. And I'm like, nuts. He empties them, stirs it up, and then they're like, what do you want on the sandwich? And he's like, telling them. He's like, I don't want that. He starts just, like, screaming, just losing his mind, like, just going crazy. And I was like, cool. I said, you get. For buying the sandwich.

[Adrian Appolucci]

One time I did buy a girl. She was in a park. I was parking in New York City. And New York City's so hard to find Parking. She was standing in this spot that I wanted to park in when she was like, oh, I. I just came back from the hospital. My boyfriend beat me. I'm pregnant with twins. I wouldn't bought her, like, a Sam. I mean, I spent like 18. I was like. And then somebody else asked me for money. I was like, go get it from that lady.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I already gave her. Nope. No.

[Christina P]

Baby form was a big one. They asked for baby form because they could trade that in for a lot of money.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Remember when we saw. We were having a coffee, we saw some guy in the middle of the road, a car behind him, honking. He was slowly walking.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yes.

[Christina P]

In the mid.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Wouldn't move, but the car also wouldn't go around.

[Christina P]

Wouldn't go around. And he was just like. It was like a parade and just blaring the horn. And the guy was like.

[Adrian Appolucci]

He was mentally unwell, though.

[Christina P]

Normal West Village.

[Adrian Appolucci]

He was homeless.

[Christina P]

Yeah. I said, the one guy. I'll see their techniques. One guy will, like, in front of the cellar, will lay down and cry on the street. Like he'd just fallen. And. But then if, like, Steve or somebody's like, buddy, not today. All right? And he gets up and walks.

[Adrian Appolucci]

They do that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

I heard one. Somebody was shutting down a Judd Apatow movie just by screaming. But he's going to do it maybe with the Pete Holmes show. And he was just screaming. And they're like, what? What? Stop. Like, he's like, well, I'm allowed to scream. Just screams like, what do you need? He's like, give me two dollars.

[Adrian Appolucci]

He could have gotten way more.

[Tom Segura]

So much more.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah, $2. That's great. There was a black homeless guy, and he came up to us, and we didn't give him money. And he's like, you guys are all racist. And we're like, well, we're definitely not going to give you money now.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You just.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Also. Yeah. But not from this.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

We also don't before homeless.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

How about the guy with a bloody hand is always wanting high fives. He just catch people coming out of the cellar, and then you start to do it, and then it's like, it's always a bloody hand.

[Tom Segura]

I've. I walked out of a 7 11, and the guy was sitting there, and I was like, all right. And then he reaches up to get the money, and his hand is just so gross. Yeah. So I'm like. I go, no, no, no. Like, don't don't reach out with your thing. Just let me drop it, you know?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So it's like Plinko and just kind of floats down.

[Adrian Appolucci]

711 is their headquarters.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

It's where they all meet.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You don't want to be fucking 711 unless you're in Tokyo.

[Christina P]

Then they're nice.

[Tom Segura]

The cleanest, most amazing. Like, you're like, this doesn't exist where we live. Like, the toilet has a toto washlet.

[Christina P]

Like, what? There's a toilet at 7:11.

[Tom Segura]

Like, in a pristinely clean bathroom. Unbelievable. Like, every day you'd be like, you wanna go take a shit at 7:11? Like that.

[Christina P]

Wow.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Wow. You can't do that here.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina P]

Wawa in Philadelphia has black light, so people can't find their veins.

[Adrian Appolucci]

That's pretty smart.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So they'll stop shooting up.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

That's hilarious.

[Christina P]

How do you expense? I'm like, let's just get it. Can't lose somebody else.

[Tom Segura]

What is this? Hold on. Oh, boy.

[Christina P]

This guy means business. Franco Steel.

[Tom Segura]

Oh.

[Christina P]

Oh, he's gonna work out. Oh, no, please.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, this guy's rad.

[Christina P]

Okay. Oh, great. Okay. Just. Nice workout.

[Tom Segura]

That's nice.

[Christina P]

Oh, so some of these videos are nice or pleasant? Yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

That's a great video. That's good. That's the whole video?

[Tom Segura]

I think so. I don't know why.

[Christina P]

It's a real misdirect.

[Adrian Appolucci]

He has a lot of stuff in his room.

[Tom Segura]

He does get a lot of stuff on the floor.

[Adrian Appolucci]

A guy sent me a video of a dick pic, and it was like, that kind. He had a bunch of stuff everywhere.

[Christina P]

Like, you think we're only focusing your dick.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And you're like, this is a.

[Adrian Appolucci]

No, there's a lot of stuff on the floor.

[Christina P]

He's mad.

[Tom Segura]

Imagine going over to that place.

[Adrian Appolucci]

No, I had. I stopped talking to that guy. He told me that he used to be addicted to heroin. And I was like, okay. He's like, but I'm clean now. And then he was like, but I have roommates. And I was like, I can't.

[Christina P]

No, the roommates was the law.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah. Was not that bad.

[Tom Segura]

Do you use app? Do you. Are you on the apps?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yes, but I'm getting off of them.

[Tom Segura]

Really?

[Adrian Appolucci]

It's just not garbage.

[Tom Segura]

Where's. How many are you on?

[Adrian Appolucci]

I'll be on all them, and then I'll do one at a time, and then I'll just go off of it.

[Tom Segura]

Are you on Raya?

[Adrian Appolucci]

No, I can't get on.

[Tom Segura]

But now you can.

[Christina P]

Why? You're a good Inviter.

[Tom Segura]

No, I'm saying because Specials.

[Christina P]

Oh, yeah, yeah. You can invite Raya.

[Tom Segura]

Somebody can. You have to, I think, get recommended by somebody on there.

[Christina P]

You have to get a higher level dick.

[Tom Segura]

Much better dick.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Cleaner apartments. Yeah, I hope so.

[Christina P]

You some.

[Tom Segura]

You're a good producer. You should make this happen.

[Adrian Appolucci]

For sure.

[Christina P]

I'm on Ariah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, but you can facilitate.

[Christina P]

Find somebody who can get on there.

[Tom Segura]

I absolutely can do it for her. Oh, boy.

[Adrian Appolucci]

That wasn't even worth it.

[Christina P]

Yes, it was. It was a pleasant. It was a nice change of pace. Fart.

[Tom Segura]

It was a nice, like a sound effect.

[Christina P]

Fart.

[Tom Segura]

It was.

[Adrian Appolucci]

It wasn't like a good one.

[Tom Segura]

It wasn't like a hot.

[Christina P]

It wasn't a hot one, but that's an unexpected one. You make a guy wear a condom when you.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah, why wouldn't I? I mean, unless I. I'm like, with them for a while. They're my boyfriend.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Reasonable answer. Oh, God. Wafting it to you.

[Christina P]

Sorry.

[Tom Segura]

Are you seeing someone now?

[Adrian Appolucci]

I think so. Someone's watching my dog, so. I think so.

[Tom Segura]

Oh.

[Christina P]

That'S a great way to get a guy involved.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I mean, he offered to watch my dog. I was like, sure, I'll save 700.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Who knows if we'll be talking when this comes out.

[Tom Segura]

That's true.

[Adrian Appolucci]

We'll see.

[Tom Segura]

We'll see. Has he seen the actual.

[Christina P]

You ever have somebody who's like, I'm done with you after they act?

[Adrian Appolucci]

I think I did. See, I did talk to one guy for a bit, and then he asked me when I was on. I let him see my degenerate thing and then we never met up. But also when I called, when I was on the phone with him, I didn't realize he lived with his mom. Like, he said mom. I was like, dude, you're 48.

[Tom Segura]

48 with his mom.

[Christina P]

The gall to even ask anyone out.

[Adrian Appolucci]

That's disgusting.

[Christina P]

You should be fucking your mom. My mom, that guy. It's the only acceptable place if you're living with her.

[Tom Segura]

Have you ever had friends.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

That. That, like, are like, oh, I did stand up and they. You find out they're doing, like, shows with your mom?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yes. Yeah, I definitely. Yeah.

[Christina P]

She regular. Sorry.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I've had people that meet my mom and they're like, your mom is so nice. And I'm like, that's fake.

[Christina P]

You don't know her. Like, you know her.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah, that's not. Like, if I had her as a mom, I probably wouldn't do standup.

[Christina P]

Yeah, you do have her as a Mom.

[Adrian Appolucci]

But I'm saying, like, if I had that version of her as my mother growing up.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, right.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah. I probably wouldn't be doing this.

[Tom Segura]

Wow. And she brought you to the first mic. You did? She did, did you? Were you expressing interest?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah, Yeah. I had wanted to do a Saturday Night Live, and then she was like, well, you have to do stand up. And I was like, okay. I never wanted to even do stand up, like, as a kid. That was never my thing. And then I started doing and I just fell in love with it.

[Christina P]

Well, you just saw her and you're.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Like, no, I never wanted to do stand up. I wanted to, like, I guess be on snl.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Sketches and stuff.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah, stuff like that.

[Tom Segura]

Do you still have an interest in that?

[Adrian Appolucci]

I don't know. Not really, no. I mean, I wouldn't turn it down, but I also think it's pretty bad, the show.

[Christina P]

Pretty bad.

[Tom Segura]

Sometimes it, you know, they. They have, like. I watch. Here's the thing. I don't watch the show regularly. I watched when Nate hosted.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

I thought his show was fantastic. Like, it was. It was really funny.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah, Nate's great.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. What?

[Christina P]

Shane's. I haven't seen one.

[Tom Segura]

I saw Shane's, too, and that was really, really good.

[Christina P]

But it's like all the jokes, like, here's this, the set up, the punchline, and then we're just going to like, retell that same punchline five or six times until it's about milked. And then like the other thing I.

[Tom Segura]

Try, I mean, I. I get. Sometimes I try to think in terms of the fact that, like, they're pumping this out once a week, turning it over the next week, like, yeah, you're gonna have.

[Adrian Appolucci]

That's true.

[Tom Segura]

You have to miss hard. But then they'll have some that hit hard, you know, going to.

[Christina P]

It's pretty great.

[Tom Segura]

I've never been.

[Christina P]

Oh, you see the moving piece, see all the stage hands setting up a stage while another one's going on. And it's like the live part, you really notice, like, whoa, what a production. It really gets cool when you're there.

[Tom Segura]

That's cool.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Some of the things are pretty funny, but then some of it, you're like, no.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, I agree.

[Adrian Appolucci]

But I guess you're right.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's just. It's a tough. That's a tough task, man, to like. But week after week, anytime you hear.

[Christina P]

Somebody say that's a tough task, it's because they're failing. No, nobody says that about Tom Brady. That's tough, you know, Trying to run a team.

[Tom Segura]

But imagine if it's like, right, It's. It's sort of like the write and act a week kind of thing. You know, it's. I mean, obviously it's with a group, but it's still. It's a. It's a huge undertaking.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I wonder how much stuff gets pitch. And they're like, no, no.

[Tom Segura]

So much.

[Adrian Appolucci]

So much stuff that could be really funny, but they're like, it's too offensive.

[Tom Segura]

And then they have stuff cut at the dress rehearsal. So they have dress rehearsal and they're like, oh, my thing's on. And they're like, nope, didn't work.

[Christina P]

Now, there was one with Shane that they showed later, a cut. One that was like. That was funnier than the other sketches.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina P]

Would you do it?

[Tom Segura]

I would do it for sure.

[Christina P]

Come on.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I do Weekend Update. Did he say, come get this.

[Christina P]

I want to set up.

[Tom Segura]

Come on in. If you got some. If you got some.

[Christina P]

He was so swamp. He was like, I'm all right, buddy. Come on.

[Tom Segura]

He's hurt.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Do you ever watch that video, the girl Pearl dancing? No. She's singing on a table, and she falls.

[Tom Segura]

I feel like I've seen.

[Christina P]

Who is that? Some lady.

[Adrian Appolucci]

This is.

[Tom Segura]

And eats. Oh.

[Christina P]

Oh, I saw that Pearl.

[Adrian Appolucci]

And then she falls, and she's like.

[Tom Segura]

Is it the lady? Wait, not the grape. Grapes. Grape Stomp. No, no, a different one.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah. Pearl singing. If you.

[Tom Segura]

Pearl singing.

[Adrian Appolucci]

If you go on YouTube. Pearl takes a fall, I think, or something. Oh, Facebook.

[Tom Segura]

Is that her?

[Adrian Appolucci]

No, she's a. Oh.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that hurt. That definitely hurt.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Well, maybe it got it taken off.

[Tom Segura]

That's incredible. When someone can scrub that.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I mean, I doubt it.

[Christina P]

No, it's not a cartoon. There a lot of. Just searching. Would you. You would host snl? You wouldn't, like, be on the show?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah, but I would. You wouldn't host?

[Christina P]

I'd host once. It's gonna be fun.

[Tom Segura]

That seems, like, super fun. Yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Oh, it's Scarlet. I messed her name up. Scarlett takes a tumble.

[Tom Segura]

Scarlet takes a tumble.

[Adrian Appolucci]

All right, I know why her name was Pearl.

[Christina P]

I'll get up. My favorite meme that Adrian sent me.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Oh, boy.

[Christina P]

I can't show anybody.

[Tom Segura]

Here we go. That's a big lady, too.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I don't know why she gets on the table.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you can hear the table going. Don't do this.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Table is like.

[Christina P]

Maybe in time. It's not.

[Tom Segura]

You can win. I'm so confident as the things. You're feeling good.

[Christina P]

Now she's dancing you can hear the creaking.

[Tom Segura]

The creaking is starting.

[Adrian Appolucci]

The table's like, lady, we're letting you.

[Tom Segura]

Know this is going to end poorly.

[Christina P]

No, no, don't go. Oh, it's almost funny when they don't make a noise.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Silence.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I don't know why she post this video.

[Christina P]

It's the slamming out of the side.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, that hurt. Crazy.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I. I don't know why you would still post that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, she posted. Well, she posted a version of it. Who knows why? Oh, and then the Internet gets a hold of it.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Over.

[Christina P]

She never posted I've ever shown you this one. Adrian sent it to me, and I just love it. It's the most. I just love it.

[Adrian Appolucci]

So good.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I've seen that. That's good.

[Christina P]

It's the best.

[Tom Segura]

That's good.

[Adrian Appolucci]

You know, people will be like, hey, what's that meme? Ari? Ari won't tell me what the meme is.

[Christina P]

Yeah, I can't go out.

[Tom Segura]

Isn't that funny that. That in. In our circle of life, you just go like, yeah, it's funny, but, like, that is, like, the end of you.

[Adrian Appolucci]

That's.

[Christina P]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

That now becomes like, your account's taken down. It's like there's nothing.

[Christina P]

That is weird. It's like. But I find it funny. I'm enjoying it.

[Tom Segura]

And hopefully Adrian's account gets taken down shortly after today. Her special the Dark Queen is out on Netflix. If have not yet seen it. One of the funniest people working today.

[Christina P]

Facts.

[Tom Segura]

Congratulations.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Thank you so much.

[Tom Segura]

There's a world of hatred coming to you, and we are excited for you.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Thank you.

[Tom Segura]

Are you going to be touring after. Like, are you going on a tour right after it, or are you built? Are you back, Cleveland?

[Adrian Appolucci]

Yeah. I have a couple dates. I'm going to go on tour with you in January, February.

[Tom Segura]

Are you building or are you ready to go? You're building a new hour.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I'm building.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I probably have, like, 25.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. This is kind of the fun time again, because 25, you know, like, oh, I can do it again. It's not like when you have your new three, and you're like, I don't know if I could do this.

[Adrian Appolucci]

I don't know if I could do it again.

[Tom Segura]

But honestly, congratulations. I'm very happy for you. Exciting that it's happening.

[Christina P]

You're so funny. I'm just excited people are finally gonna see.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's what's gonna happen. So many people are gonna see it, and then you be tripping Ari Shafir's podcast that we produce that you put out every Monday. Travel stories. Right. I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna do it. I think we said we'll get together in December and do it. That'd be fun.

[Christina P]

I love it.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. Thank you both for coming. Buddy, always good to see you keeping the fat off. Trying, man. You can tell, right?

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Fucking.

[Christina P]

I should say something smarmy now, but.

[Tom Segura]

No, no.

[Christina P]

Way to go.

[Tom Segura]

Eating well.

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Training. I'm gonna be naked soon, on camera.

[Christina P]

Really?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And I have to shave.

[Christina P]

Oh. What?

[Tom Segura]

I haven't shaved my face, like, you know. You have half a face shaven? Yeah, I have to shave my whole face.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Start with half.

[Christina P]

Hey, buddy, I know I told you, like. Like, it seems in passing, and it's like a joke, and you've always been supportive, but, like, legitimate. I really want to do that clapping thing one day. They're like Tom Segura's new show.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina P]

Scene four, take five. Just like, whatever.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina P]

With the Clapper.

[Tom Segura]

You can do that.

[Christina P]

Okay. But don't. Don't forget about me.

[Tom Segura]

All right?

[Christina P]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. You can do it. I promise.

[Christina P]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, we start shooting in a week.

[Christina P]

Where?

[Tom Segura]

Here in Austin. And we are shooting until mid November.

[Christina P]

Let me see if I can stop in somewhere.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Oh, wow. See?

[Christina P]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You like thinking again.

[Adrian Appolucci]

Don't forget about me.

[Christina P]

No, I'll fly out and do it.

[Tom Segura]

You gotta get a Southwest ticket.

[Christina P]

Frontier, baby. Whoa.

[Tom Segura]

All right, now. You guys are the best. Thank you. We'll see you guys next week. From the Banana Plantation.

[Ari Shafir]

Banana.

[Christina P]

That's a good one.

[Tom Segura]

That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's a good one. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's a good one. That's, that's, that's, that's, that's, that's. Yep. Dr. Sp. Dr. Stump. Dr. Stump. Dr. Sp Dr. Trumpet. Dr. Sp Dr. trumpet. Trumpet. Banana Plantation. It's Banana. This feels special. It does. That's a good one. That's a good one. Dr. Doctor. Doctor. Dump it back to backers. Dr. Dump it back to. Dump it back. Dr. Dump it.