White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809

Summary

Summary of "White Women Are Embarrassing | Your Mom's House Ep. 809"

In Episode 809 of "Your Mom's House", hosts Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura delve into a variety of comedic topics, blending personal anecdotes, cultural critiques, and humorous discussions about internet personalities. Released on May 7, 2025, this episode titled "White Women Are Embarrassing" offers listeners a rich tapestry of laughs and insights, all while maintaining the duo's signature conversational flow.

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1. Cringe-Worthy Performances and Athlete Reactions

The episode kicks off with Christina and Tom dissecting an unforgettable yet embarrassing performance by a white female artist during the National Anthem. Christina reminisces:

Christina Pazsitzky (02:16): "She really... has chutzpah. She did cartwheel after cartwheel after cartwheel."

Tom adds his observations about the athletes' reactions:

Tom Segura (03:06): "If you watch that, it's hard to not see the players laughing at the performance."

They humorously analyze the gestures and smirks of NBA stars like Draymond Green and LeBron James, highlighting the widespread embarrassment and amusement the performance elicited.

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2. The Enigmatic King Ass Ripper and Tony John’s Saga

A significant portion of the episode is dedicated to discussing the King Ass Ripper, an internet sensation known for his humorous fart-related content. Christina expresses her admiration:

Christina Pazsitzky (38:47): "Nobody does it like this guy. Nobody did it like King Ass Ripper."

Tom shares their persistent yet unsuccessful attempts to reconnect with Tony John, a close associate of King Ass Ripper, who recently found himself incarcerated:

Tom Segura (15:41): "Tony John has been back in jail."

Their conversation underscores a mixture of nostalgia and concern, as they reflect on Tony John's contributions and their hopes for his return to creating content.

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3. Personal Health Updates: Tom’s Gastrointestinal Struggles

Tom takes a candid turn, sharing his ongoing battle with gastrointestinal issues. He recounts his inconsistent bowel movements and the arduous process of undergoing multiple colonoscopies:

Tom Segura (47:14): "When I was more reckless with my health... I was just like, diarrhea is a way of life."

Christina empathizes with her own experiences, discussing discomfort from wiping too hard:

Christina Pazsitzky (54:08): "I spread my cheeks and let the water just hit that, and it just said, ah, ah, ah."

Their open and humorous dialogue brings a relatable touch to the episode, addressing common yet often unspoken health struggles.

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4. Cultural and Language Mishaps

Christina shares her experience learning Hungarian, introducing the word "tolto caposta", which describes an overloaded pot of meat and cabbage:

Christina Pazsitzky (23:20): "There's so much meat and cabbage in this pot that I cannot fit more cabbage in the pot."

Tom attempts to coin an equivalent term in English, leading to playful banter:

Tom Segura (24:26): "Megatopoza... everyone's like, I get it."

They also delve into familial cultural misunderstandings, recounting moments when Christina and Tom called their fathers terms like "gigolo" and "player," respectively. These stories highlight generational and cultural gaps with comedic undertones.

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5. Humorous Banter and Internet Culture Commentary

Throughout the episode, Christina and Tom engage in light-hearted banter, critiquing various internet clips and cultural phenomena. They discuss the quirks of online content creators, the intricacies of language translation in business names, and the absurdities of certain internet trends.

A notable moment includes their mock attempt to contact a "Hair and Skin Care" business, leading to humorous frustrations over language barriers and cultural misunderstandings.

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6. Concluding Remarks and Future Plans

As the episode draws to a close, Christina and Tom share updates about their respective stand-up tours and upcoming projects. Christina announces her return to stand-up comedy exclusively in Austin, while Tom promotes his continued tour dates across various cities.

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Notable Quotes:

• Christina Pazsitzky (02:16): "She really... has chutzpah. She did cartwheel after cartwheel after cartwheel."

• Tom Segura (15:41): "Tony John has been back in jail."

• Tom Segura (47:14): "When I was more reckless with my health... I was just like, diarrhea is a way of life."

• Christina Pazsitzky (54:08): "I spread my cheeks and let the water just hit that, and it just said, ah, ah, ah."

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Conclusion

Episode 809 of "Your Mom's House" offers listeners a blend of cringe humor, personal stories, and cultural critiques, all wrapped in Christina and Tom's unique comedic style. From dissecting embarrassing performances to sharing intimate health struggles, the hosts create an engaging and relatable listening experience, ensuring that both dedicated fans and newcomers find something to laugh about.

Transcript

[Tom Segura]

Get ready. Moline, Illinois. I'll be at the Vibrant arena this Thursday, May 8th, during my come Together tour. And due to demand, I've also recently added a second show in Akron, Ohio, on Sunday, September 7, at Akron Civic Theater. Get tickets now at tomskura.com tour. Welcome, welcome, welcome to your mom's house.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I think your bro. Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Isn't that something, man? DJ Suede, the remix. God, he always. He's always just putting out bangers. But that one's from a couple years ago, and I just. I've been listening on repeat in my car.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I like when she goes. That girl. I tell you, she really. If anything, she's got chutzpah. I don't know if you remember the Good Morning America performance where she did cartwheel after cartwheel after cartwheel. Can you find that real quick, Josh? It was so alarming that it. It has made a repass on the meme circuit.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Because it. This happened, what, a decade ago? And look, here it is. I win again. And she goes in for seconds.

[Tom Segura]

The. The. The. If you don't remember, she did the national anthem.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, boy.

[Tom Segura]

And some of the players were laughing during her national anthem.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's cool.

[Tom Segura]

So, and then, like, her. I think it's her husband at the time or her boyfriend. Yeah. Like, if you. You see them breaking during the national anthem. Shit. That's got 29 million views.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Hold on. And it's like the military people are breaking.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, the players. Because if you. If you watch that, if you can hit it. So she's doing it. Like, there's guys, you know, the players all just kind of, like, usually just stand there, kind of look down and. And you can start to see their faces. So they're, like, looking around, like, they're like, huh, that's interesting. And then I think you see Draymond Green look down and smile because he's laughing at the performance.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's got to be rough.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, There's Kyrie.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And it's the national anthem.

[Tom Segura]

It's hard to Allstar. Like, he's got a little smirk on his face. LeBron.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, LeBron knows.

[Tom Segura]

He's like, hm.

[Josh Potter]

Curry's reaction is one of the funniest on this.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, right. There's Draymond. He's about to break. So she got clowned. Right. Really hard.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

My palms are sweating for her. I'm so embarrassed.

[Tom Segura]

But then who's her. Who was she married to? Or is she married to Orlando Bloom? No, that's not. That's Katy Perry.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, sorry. That's a different town.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. That hip Josh. Josh do Mel du Mel. Yeah. So he at the time was with her. I guess it looks like they're not married anymore. And when. When people were clowning it. He got pissed, right. As her husband.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

At the players. Like, he was just like, you man to some of these guys. Like you guys are. And then this. This remix came out. Okay. The. The. This. Because when was that? It's 18. Yeah, they're. They're. They split in 19. So the remix came out.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And then the players. The players were listening to it. Listening to that mix in the. In the. In the locker room.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

Post game.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's amazing. Oh, it's amazing. Oh, it's so.

[Tom Segura]

And this is how. That's how. By the way, that's how you win any. Any like, battle like that is like just having a laugh. So they didn't say shit back to him. They just danced.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They're like, hey, we didn't make.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Have you ever seen. And by the way, there's. There's a couple things that stick out in my memory in life that I play on repeat. Yeah, it's Kim Cattrell. We've played it on this show before. And her. She goes. My husband and I like to play the bass and I scat along.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And it's. It's horrendous. Oh, my God, please. This is. Plays the upright bass. Yamake pie bo sedere faquebo in dog Latin. Equos UJ sophistore. Well, he bit all the he dogs and winked at all the she dogs. The town never do such a hu. This is what they do in their.

[Tom Segura]

Fre Till the end of that day. Here's what I really take from this, though. Do whatever you want. You don't have to share it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, keep your hobbies quiet.

[Tom Segura]

That's what you like. You should keep this as private as your sex life.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

This could just be between you guys.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Scatting Potter beret piss in his mouth.

[Tom Segura]

And he gargles with it like. Yeah, we don't need to see it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Zaba dabba DBA pot of beret. I. I can't take. It's the pot of way that sticks in my mind.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, what did those comments say about this?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You don't want to. I'm sure she's lovely and I think she's nice and stuff. I. I just pray that the he dogs are okay.

[Tom Segura]

I come back to this every few years just to remind myself I'm sweating. Yeah. See, this is the sort of thing that you never allow someone to witness or film.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Exactly, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

That probably happened at the height of her fame.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Where you're like, oh, everything that I do is pretty cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Because I'm famous.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That. And then some magazine or somebody wants to do a piece on you.

[Tom Segura]

I am responsible for at least 100,000 of these views.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But then they go, why don't we come to your house and film you and your husband? And that's when you know, do that.

[Tom Segura]

You know how you were saying how he plays the upright bass and you scat along. We kind of want to film that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No. The answer is no. That video and then that and Jessica Simpson singing along with Jewel. Please find this. Have you seen this? You think Fergie was off? Wait until you see this one. This one sticks in my brain too. And this happened about a decade ago as well. But when I think I've embarrassed myself, there's always this, and that's Jewel. That's her style. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Because here's the deal. Here's the deal. I'm not shedding on them. I can see myself doing it. Can you see yourself? I see myself being like, I could sing with Jewel.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Let me try singing with Jewel. And then you slip into her style, even though it's not your style. And then you're trying. Oh, I'm sweating.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's tough.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay, Christina, you want to sing the national anthem? No.

[Tom Segura]

Yay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Let's play some basketball. Pot of beret. That's the one that gets me in my sleep. I wake up in the middle of the night going, potter beret.

[Tom Segura]

You ready?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm ready.

[Tom Segura]

Here's your opening clip.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, we didn't even do that.

[Tom Segura]

Nope.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's the part you like. I know.

[Tom Segura]

Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to your mom's house.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow, meow. I know you. That's the part you like the best, is that.

[Tom Segura]

Well, she reacted, like, three seconds late to being flipped over. Like, he flipped her over and.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Got real mental problems.

[Tom Segura]

She's like, this actually hurts. You flipped me over on a bed.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay. You know what bothers me the most is the overhead lighting is on. And you know how much?

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah. Well, the room's a mess, too. I mean, everything. You think it's funny, too? My leg. Yeah. You know what? Honestly? Feels like the worst part of cooking. It's not the chopping. It's not the cleaning. It's sitting there trying to figure out what even to make. It's exhausting. I just tried Taste Ma and their personalized meal planner has completely changed the game. Here's how it works. You pick your favorite recipes like their blackened Salmon with Avocado salsa or that super cozy affordable one pot penne pasta. It even auto generates your grocery list so you're not running around the store forgetting half your ingredients. When you're ready to cook, you can actually follow along with step by step videos and use cooking mode so your screen stays on while you're in the kitchen. Honestly, meal planning used to stress me out, but now it's actually the easiest part of my week. I love this actual website where you just pick days of the week, pick the meals you want to make, pick how many portions you want. It's so easy, it's intuitive. Try Tastemade plus free for seven days right now at tastemade.com ymh As a listener, you'll also get 40% off your first year. Cancel anytime. No pressure. Have Better Sex with BlueChew BlueChew is the original brand offering chewable tablets for better sex. And starting now, bluechew is offering a combo so strong it'll knock your socks off and your neighbor's socks as well. You'll have to move towns with the amount of noise you'll be making. Bluechew Max has arrived and it combines the active ingredients of Viagra and Cialis into one chewable. This combo acts fast and lasts Guys, be ready when she needs it and get your first month of BlueChew free. Sign up Bluetooth.com, consult with one of their licensed medical providers, and once you're approved, you'll receive your prescription within days. The best part is all done online. You don't have to go anywhere. You don't have to have a conversation with somebody in front of people. You just. Yeah, you just meet with somebody and you go, I want to be harder and I want it to last longer. And I'm telling you man, this is like rock hard. It's the best type of hard.

[Josh Potter]

Boom.

[Tom Segura]

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[Christina Pazsitzky]

The real question is what did that dumb do to make him so mad?

[Tom Segura]

It was something about his phone. Right. Because he was like, where's my phone? Isn't that how it started? He was like, where's my phone? Right here.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Your phone was already all broke up.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, your phone was already off.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That is delayed. Yeah, you're right.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. She should have made noise a few seconds quicker.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. But first of all, in her defense, men can't find that's true ever. And she's probably like, dude, come on. How are we going to do this? I'm laying down. You're bothering me. Just like last night, I was comfortable. I had the cat on my lap. I have a heating pad on. I can't find the remote.

[Tom Segura]

And where was.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Was on my side. But you could have looked. I told you to look there.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, all right. Okay. That's true. It's true. So we have, like, kind of breaking news. I don't know if people know this. We gotta kind of. Well, there's so much. Yeah, there's so much. First, I should just remind people that Bad Thoughts comes out on Netflix next week. Tuesday the 13th. You can set your reminders now. You can actually turn it on, the reminder. If you. If you go through it. It's already on the platform. Please check it out.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Right. Amazed.

[Tom Segura]

Very, very excited. Okay. That being said, this is a YMH exclusive. YMH exclusive. About a week ago, Tony John should have been in Las Vegas shooting his first adult scene with. With the great Alexis Fox. That did not happen. And it's. It's very, very disappointing because Tony John is back in jail.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, hold on. But back it up. We told him, like, all he has to do.

[Tom Segura]

All you gotta do is stay out of trouble.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Just stay out of trouble.

[Tom Segura]

Got you. I got you. You know, I said, are you gonna do that? Can you stay out of trouble? And he was like, you know, like, dead ass, though. I can. And dead ass. Then I got the update. Guess what? Did not. Not only did not stay out of trouble. Is in all kinds of trouble. He's in jail, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, is it land. I don't know what it's related to.

[Tom Segura]

This, as far as I know. Isn't it related to, like, a family dispute now?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Yep.

[Tony John]

Yeah, he went and, like, fought his uncle or something.

[Tom Segura]

What's. What's the origin of that fight?

[Tony John]

I think, you know, they've had, like, an ongoing beef for a while, and there was, like, a restraining order. And I guess I remember that he, like, challenged him to a fight, and Tony showed Up with, like, boxing gloves, and that's kind of all we really know. And then he was in jail after that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He showed up with boxing gloves. Yeah.

[Tony John]

I think he was, like, documenting it along the way.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Like, that's bad.

[Tony John]

Got my boxing gloves going over to meet him.

[Tom Segura]

Don't show up to your uncle, too.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, no, you can't.

[Tom Segura]

I wonder who won the fight. Do we know that?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's most.

[Tony John]

I mean, Tony's in jail, so.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Tony John]

Who knows?

[Tom Segura]

Who knows? Well, here's the update. He has called us. He's left us a message from J.

[Tony John]

Yeah, it's a voice message.

[Tom Segura]

You ready? I haven't heard it. I have no idea what it is. I'm excited. Here we go.

[Alexis Fox]

Hey, what's going on, everybody? All my fans, I just want to say this is the ladies man, Tony, my boy Jones worker. I am doing great in here. I'm eating good, I'm living good, I'm sleeping good. I'm living it up. You know, all the cos love me and just want to say, you know, to all my fans, I just want to say I appreciate all the respect, all the love, and, you know, I. I love you guys so much. It's. You know, this is just a little setback, and when I get out, I'm very, very, very excited to do the. To do the shoot with Alexis down in Vegas. So let's go, baby. Come on, girl. Let's go. And, you know, be ready, Alexis, because, you know, sweetie, when I get out of here, I. I can't wait to. To give it to you, sweetie, you know, on film, everything, sweetheart. So I just want to say I'm doing good, I'm eating good. CEOs love me. I'm living it up, man. Even though I'm locked up, I'm living it up. You know, I'm getting double portions on my. On my meals, you know, breakfast, lunch, and dinner. I'm living it up, and I. I love my fans, and I'm just living it up. Let's go, let's go.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, look, I don't think you could have a better outlook on things. No, I mean, for the way that most people react when they're in jail, this is as good as it gets.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's so positive and resilient.

[Tom Segura]

That's what I'm saying.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And I hate to say this, but I dare I say he likes being in prison.

[Tom Segura]

I think he likes jail. And I think. I think this is a real lesson to all our. Our fans in jail, is that it's all about perspective, man. If you're like, this sucks attitude. Yeah, your attitude sucks, then it does suck. But if you're like, man, I'm living it up. People like me, I get double portions. I'm sleeping good, I'm having a great time.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Then doing time's not so bad.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Not so bad. And also I thought that sex worker would be his only gig that he'd be really good at. Turns out, prison inmate too.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, inmate. He's a good inmate. Inmate or sex worker maybe like the ideal inmate. Yeah, like he's the one who the warden's gonna be like, you guys, this is who we're trying to get you to be like.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep. Wow.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, I mean, wow. That is something. I mean, and he's fired up to shoot his scene and he's, you know, he's, he's really, he's got a good outlook on things.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, now he does have a reason to try to get out of jail. Like he's got a goal to work towards, which is nice.

[Tom Segura]

Did you have any idea how long he's going to be in?

[Tony John]

I think his court dates coming up in like a week or two. And then hopefully he'll get out. But we'll see how that goes.

[Tom Segura]

Right, because he might have to bail out still, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, he did violate a restraining order against his uncle and then he documented it and showed up with boxing gloves. Not a smart idea.

[Tom Segura]

I mean the judge is not going to be like, that was good idea.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You know what also is interesting is to be to have this perspective. One might actually think it's directly correlated to one's intelligence, you know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What are you talking about?

[Tom Segura]

Well, there's kind of this bell curve for, for iq and it could be that somebody on either side of this either tells themselves you need to change your perspective and they're on the. The right side of the curve or that some people that on the left side of that curve just go, this isn't that bad.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This isn't that bad.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, look, Tom, there are a lot of gentlemen and some women who prefer life on the inside because it is consistent, there is some discipline, there is some structure to their day to day existence.

[Tom Segura]

Ye.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Now the one thing he's going to run into is there's no women.

[Tom Segura]

That's a problem. But he also, he opened his third eye to the possibilities of that being a cool thing too. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Wow.

[Tom Segura]

This is.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm disappointed because we did tm.

[Tom Segura]

We were all set. Now here's the other person that was all set, Alexis Fox. Alexis, who is an adult superstar, was ready to introduce Tony into that world by having her, his debut scene, be with her, which is the best case scenario. Right. Like you're really going to be with a big time performer here and that legitimizes him in that field.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He would have leg up.

[Tom Segura]

She had a set, like a place to shoot the scene all ready to go. Cuz we were going with, ironically, it was going to be a jail scene.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, wow.

[Tom Segura]

Right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That is ironic.

[Tom Segura]

So she got the set, it was all set to go. Then she gets word Tony's not available. Well, she's already paid to use, like reserve the set. So she decided to use the set anyway and gave us a shout out from the set and she was like, this is dedicated to you guys. She went airtight.

[King Ass Ripper]

Wow.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Isn't that cool, Alexis? Yeah, congratulations.

[Tom Segura]

That's pretty wild.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

See, there's a gentleman there. Yep.

[Tom Segura]

One, two, three. Yep. That's every hole.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's every hole.

[Tom Segura]

Don't drop the soap, it says in the background.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, that's cool.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. That could have been Tony.

[Tom Segura]

That could have been. Well, he could have been one of them. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's too bad that he missed. Missed out on this because it looks like they're having fun.

[Tom Segura]

That definitely looks like a good time.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's a good shot. You can see everything happening.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And so I'm sure if we sent this to Tony, he'd be like, I gotta get out of here. Yeah. I gotta be one of these guys.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Maybe he could hang this in his cell.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You know, it's like sometimes they put pinups there and that could be his.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know if you can DM him or not, but that would be maybe motivation. Pretty cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Thank you, Alexis. That's really sweet of you to send that along.

[Tom Segura]

You know, I've been working on my Italian for quite a while now.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

I need a shout out to my tutor again because that's very helpful. You've been actually consistently with your tutor in Hungarian.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's right. I've been relearning my.

[Tom Segura]

My mother tongue and it's such a beautiful language. And we have this. Yeah. Clip here from, I guess a website.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh. Oh, I thought this is a thing I. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

You sent in like. Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. So my tutor taught me this word and I wanted to share it with the entire universe.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, let's share.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So fun.

[Tom Segura]

Let's share the word, then you can tell us what it means.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I can't Say it. But.

[Tom Segura]

I know, but I'll play it and then you tell us what this word means. Ready? Here we go.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And that's slow. Not that word. Paris said. Paris says. Yes, of course, but that. Can you play that again?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, sure.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Just so people get that.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, that's one word.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's one word in Hungarian.

[Tom Segura]

And it means.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'll tell you, this is the best. So it's based on the dish tilted caposta, which is stuffed cabbage. Okay. And what this one word means is that there's so much meat and cabbage in this pot that I am making tilted caposta in. I cannot fit more cabbage in the pot. That's what that one word means. There's so much meat and cabbage in this pot of tolto caposta. I cannot fit more cabbage in the pot.

[Tom Segura]

Which means that so many people were running into the issue of I can't fit any more goddamn cabbage in here. And I'd like to express this in a word, in one word that everybody was like, here's a word. Here's a word that expresses that sentiment. This is a. This is a uniquely but universal concept to all of us. So how about Megatopoza? And then it's like, everyone's like, yeah, I get it. Your cabbage is out of control.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Y.

[Tom Segura]

I got so much cabbage.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I got too much cabbage.

[Tom Segura]

There's too much cabbage in here. May is mental health awareness month, and Talkspace is here to help you take care of yourself. With the support of a licensed therapist, all from the comfort of your home, it's easy to get started. You can easily sign up online and get paired with a licensed provider, typically within 48 hours. Talkspace makes it easy, accessible and affordable to face your challenges, whether that's a mental health condition, relationship conflicts, past trauma, or everyday stress. And find your path to move forward with resilience and peace. Plus, most insured members have a zero dollar copay. Let me tell you more about why I love Talkspace. I'm a huge proponent of therapy. I think it's one of the most helpful things that all of us can benefit from.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Changed our lives.

[Tom Segura]

Absolutely did. And I just want everybody to have the benefit of a place like Talkspace where you can just feel better having a conversation with somebody who's non judgmental and who's going to help you out in whatever your situation is. Take care of yourself this month and every month with Talkspace. Talkspace is in network with most major insurance plans, but if you pay out of pocket, as a listener of this podcast, you'll get $80 off your first month when you go to talkspace.com mom and enter the promo code SPACE80. That's S, P, A, C, E80 match with a licensed therapist today at talkspace.com mom promo code SPACE80. And they opted for this versus saying, I have too much. Like, yeah, it's such a too much cap. But it's such a familiar sentiment that they were to go, well, why say the whole sentence? You could just say the word. And everybody goes, this is enough of.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

An issue in Hungarian culture. And I asked my tutor, like, would my parents know this word? And she's like, yeah, of course. Like, what are you stupid? This is. People know this word dummy. They'll put it together pretty quick. And I'm like, I can't even. I can't even.

[Tom Segura]

You know, it's a real peasant word, too.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Of course I'm a peasant, dummy. You don't know this by now?

[Tom Segura]

This is such a peasant's word. Like, I bet if you. If you ran this by your parents, they would be like, oh, yeah. But they'd be like, yeah, they're Villagers say this when they're making their stuffed cabbage.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Right. That's the thing, too. There's a real distinction in Hungarian culture about villager.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Versus, like, city folk.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And even my tutor says it because.

[Tom Segura]

Your stepmom was a kind of a villager.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She was a villager.

[Tom Segura]

She should be like, oh, this was always.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do you want to know the name of her town? Which was even. Sounds like a. Like a villager. It's called Potos. You say potash. It means like a farmer. It's like a slang word for villager.

[Tom Segura]

Is it kind of have a negative.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Connotation again, like gypsy.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, you are.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Poros is a villager.

[Anonymous Vietnamese Speaker]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So she was from a place called Shorokshag, which is like, Parost.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Central.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You're from Shorokshak, you villager. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

It's goddamn. During gypsy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Totes gypsies.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So, yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Did you ever call her a gypsy, ma'am?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Are you kidding me? Oh, my God. I. One time. One Christmas Eve, I should have come.

[Tom Segura]

In and be like, are you a gypsy? I've just seen her be like, what?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

One time, my dad on Christmas Eve came down in, like, a shiny 90s shirt, and I was about 14 years old, and I go, oh, my God, you look like a gigolo. And that was not good.

[Tom Segura]

That wasn't good.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I had to run and I hid in my room, and I was not allowed to Come down until the next day, Christmas Eve, I lost out on, because I call my dad a gigolo. And I think it's because it was a little close to the bone as any is listening. Right. And laughing right now because it's too close to the bone. He knew it. He knew I knew what was up with him.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, but you called him a gigolo.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They call him. You look like a gigolo. Yeah, I probably just learned what that word meant.

[Tom Segura]

But if you had called him a gypsy, even worse.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Backhand straight to the mouth.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's.

[Josh Potter]

It's crazy that I. I literally have a story like that. Same. I mean, basically the same. I'm just gonna tell the same story. But I had the same thing. I called my dad a player. We were both drunk, and I called him a player. He let me drink. I was like, 16.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yep.

[Josh Potter]

And I was. I was like, yeah, because you would play it.

[Tom Segura]

Huh?

[Josh Potter]

And he's just like, what would you call me? I was like, a player. Like, player. Like, you. You get game, you know, he's just like, I'm your father. You call me dad or father.

[Tom Segura]

That's it.

[Josh Potter]

I don't know. Player. No, dude, none of that. You got furious. And then I called him dude once. He got mad at that, too.

[Tom Segura]

My dad got mad at me for calling him dude.

[Josh Potter]

Really?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the car was like, dude. He goes, cut the dude. Sh. He's like, I'm not dude. And I was like, all right. Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Our kids call me dude every day. I'm like, yeah, that's right. Bro. Yeah, dude, Bro. Wow. Wow. That's wild.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Josh Potter]

That's crazy that somebody else has that story.

[Tom Segura]

I definitely know what's up, playboy. I think it's like, the.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Because any. And I, on some level, knew that, like, they're. You know, that's what.

[Tom Segura]

Well, with your dad's. That both of those things rang true.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. So that's what they got, right.

[Tom Segura]

Because he is a player and your dad is a gigolo. Yeah.

[Josh Potter]

And I thought it was a compliment.

[Tom Segura]

Right, That I knew.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I was like, you look like a JLo, yo.

[Josh Potter]

Yeah, I wasn't trying to play games. I was like, you know. Yeah, you get game. You know?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's like, yeah, the.

[Josh Potter]

Did you just say, oh, wait, it's a good thing. It's a good.

[Tom Segura]

You're. You're a player, dog.

[Josh Potter]

Yeah, no, I'm father.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But I do think in Hungarian culture, calling somebody gypsy is, like, the worst thing.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that's.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's the lowest.

[Tom Segura]

And I'll always remember the first time I went to Budapest. I went to do a show. I'd never been. Obviously you're Hungarian. I. I know you know eight words over the years that you taught me. None of them are helpful. But I got up there on stage and there's like. I don't know, it's like a 300 person venue. Great to be in Budapest. Only thing I don't like are the rojat. And they broke into huge applause for Rotten Gypsies. And then I told my driver the same word. He goes, oh. He goes, be careful. They kill you for this now.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They do. Because when we were in Italy, I noticed too, because I called them gypsies.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And he's like, no, no, you can't say gypsy no more. You have to say Roma. Yeah, I'm sure the Romans love that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, Roma. Anyway, anyway, another crazy thing that appeared in my algorithm the other day. And I have the best algorithm on the interwebs. Like, I have ruined other people's experiences. And. Yeah, Yeah. I mean, Andrew, Asian genes, he was just like, dude, everything's all up. Sickler told me. He was like, yeah. He's like, yeah, I don't have fun anymore on here. Everything you sent me changed my whole experience. But I'm just scrolling along and usually it's like chaos and destruction and, you know, accidents, workplace accidents, car accidents, gunfire, killings, all kinds of. And then I see some other things and I just scrolling along and I see this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There he is.

[Tom Segura]

That's in public.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's the one that got away.

[Tom Segura]

The one that got.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Why are you showing me? It's upsetting me because we've reached out to him so many for a decade.

[Tom Segura]

I'm far on you haters if you don't know that. King Ass Ripper. And he was like the OG Amazing. Like, this cool guy is so cool that when we discovered him, I think both of us had different experiences where we had to pull over on the side of the road.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Like we were.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes, I remember this.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, Pull. I pulled over on the side of the road.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I was like, who is this amazing man? And he even put out a couple videos that he. Because he would never respond, we tried every tactic, everything, to contact this guy. And one time he put up a video and just wrote like, in the. In the caption. It was like, shout out to your mom's house. That was it. That's all he would do. He acknowledged us. Yeah, but King Ash Ripper would. He would change accounts so he would be on Live leak under one account. And then on YouTube and that account would go down, he'd open another one over here. Like, it was always hard to find them. We could never get a response. And then I just saw this, you know, but it's. But also, that's him.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's the Ass ripper. Yeah, hold on, let me go sniff down.

[Tom Segura]

Yes, that one. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So for those of you don't know, do we have any old videos of Ass Ripper to show the audience? Because I know. I want to take a walk down ass.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God. But he is really. Look, dude, he has. This is other level. He was always at home. This is a public setting. He has set up his camera in a restaurant.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He never did that.

[Tom Segura]

And he is.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He never did that.

[Tom Segura]

He is stuffing himself. There's food all over his face and his body. It's insane.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So he would do it, remember, in his bedroom.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He would do it in his car.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And keep in mind this Guy started this 10 years ago, at least. This is before OnlyFans. This is before you would see this stuff commonly.

[Tom Segura]

And he'd wear his little tighty whities.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And he'd look over his shoulder. Oops. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And then he finger the holes in his chonies and his dirty.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

White.

[Tom Segura]

And they'd be very brown.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Very brown.

[Tom Segura]

You'd have crazy brown streaks.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Remember the one in his kitchen.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Where he would like open a Tupperware fart and he'd be like, oh.

[Tom Segura]

Then one time he set out all this food and he farted on all the food.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's right.

[Tom Segura]

And then he ate it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Eat the food.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This guy was such a talent. And I'm so.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, in the Belgian before, there's some stockings. Oh, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

The Christmas one. Yeah, yeah. One of the greats.

[Tom Segura]

2. And to be able to do this, have a fart for each three in a row.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And this is. This is before people were editing things. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Jesus Christ, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This isn't real time. Yeah, this isn't real time. How did he have three in the barrel?

[Tom Segura]

I have no idea. Yeah, yeah. That was amazing. Yeah, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No, no, he did edit.

[Tom Segura]

I'm sorry.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That there was an edit.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do we have the one where he's.

[Tom Segura]

Also gained a hundred pounds? That's insane.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I know that. But that he gained it while we were following.

[Tom Segura]

Because he. Because then he started to be a gainer.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes.

[Tom Segura]

Like, he was like, here's all this food I'm eating. God, you do the math. Like, he was like, that's a 500 calories, and this is 800 calories. And he listed all the calories. And then he goes, you do the math. Yeah. Large pizza. Not only that, a large pizza. And I'm gonna drench it. Oh, you know, I always gotta drench my goddamn food. And sausage gravy this time. Jesus. Mayonnaise sausage gravy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's very innovative. Nobody's doing this.

[Tom Segura]

Whole cans of sausage gravy and cold.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Nobody was doing this.

[Tom Segura]

And then I got a third can of sausage.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Three cans.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Smother my goddamn pizza and all the sausage. Great. The fact.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Jesus, that pizza looks so good. He's gonna ruin it with the gravy. Well, I thought ranch maybe would be.

[Tom Segura]

He's trying to get. He's trying to get calorically up there. Wow. See, the thing is, I can't believe. Awesome. Grape gravy pizza.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't like it. I don't like the sauce and the gravy.

[Tom Segura]

The thing is, I can't believe. Is that with our show.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And its reach and its audience, that not one person has ever been like, oh, I know this guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, look, we haven't tried in about how many years? Get a hold of him.

[Tom Segura]

Years.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Maybe we could try again. Does anybody know King Ass Ripper? Do you know who this is? Can you get a hold of him? Can you tell him to contact us? Get on your mom's house.

[Tom Segura]

Do you remember what city he was in? I don't know why. I felt like it was Michigan or something. Something. Was it. Was it Detroit?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, maybe Detroit?

[Tony John]

I think Romulus, Michigan just had it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Josh, that was.

[Tom Segura]

Somebody's got to recognize him, like on a personal level. Somebody does.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And they're like, that's.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, it's Jake.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Tim.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Why is he. Oh, he doesn't do that anymore. He's got a family. He works at the factory.

[Tom Segura]

Can you imagine the woman that's like, oh, yeah. He used to. Used to do this stuff.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is when I met him.

[Tom Segura]

The King has stated that he lives in. Oh, Michigan. He's 35, born September 14th. I would imagine he doesn't want his name out there because it's not hard to find someone's address or phone. That's fine. Found all this shit and never once thought about exposing him. Obviously, other people don't think the same. I do want to know what his motive is, though. Why is he purposely gaining. How the hell does he shake the whole house when he farts?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Well, we. We had our speculation that it's for sex work.

[Josh Potter]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

And I'm by the way, just to be clear, I'm not trying to learn his name or. Or, you know. Yeah. I'm not trying to do that to him. I just wanted to be like, you know, I want to talk to him.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We want him to work again. I want him in my life again. I miss you. We miss you.

[Tom Segura]

Someone's saying, I want to pay for his dirty underwear.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I would. We just miss you, buddy. We miss your work. You haven't made a new video in so long. Where are you? Are you okay?

[Tom Segura]

Rip ass again.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Nobody does it like this guy. Nobody did it like King Ass Ripper. Yeah, you know, I. I do. Amongst the cool guys, there are men with just raw talent. Robert Paul Champagne has that spirit.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Do you have his fart montage? Like one of his. King Ass Ripper.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What's his name? The old guy, you know, Leo. In such a way. That guy's got that. That. That spark.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he does have a spark to him.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. 10 to 12 Benadryl guy. He's got a spark. King Ass Ripper was unlike any other cool guy.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he really is. He kind of laid the foundation for finding people like this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Of course, he was one of our first children.

[Tom Segura]

And it just made me crazy that we couldn't talk.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And we offered him money. We offered him everything.

[Tom Segura]

He did it for the love of the game, purely. That's. You got to respect it. Maybe we won't get a hold of him, but I still respect it. He's really talented.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It kind of makes me sad.

[Tom Segura]

I like that he's a gainer, though. He's got to be over three bills now. He was probably like 180.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But why stop doing it? He was already successful. We were on board. We.

[Tom Segura]

Why?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There's so many mysteries to him. Why did he stop? Why did he not want fame? Why did he not want to get bigger than he was? Because he kept doing the videos after we reach out. It's not like he didn't want.

[Tom Segura]

No.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do what he was doing.

[Tom Segura]

He was still doing it. I know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I gotta go pitch.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. So look at this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Who doesn't do that?

[Tom Segura]

Listen to that fart, bro.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. So used to it.

[Tom Segura]

Sniff that one. Oh, that's what that's from. I didn't realize. From the dog.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, I didn't know.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, wow.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Tom, I feel like you and I are revisiting an old flame.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Don't you feel like.

[Tom Segura]

I know. You're like, he was such a good boyfriend.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Why do we. Why did we ever not?

[Tom Segura]

I know. And then sometimes you go, oh, the thing is, there was good qualities to him. But smash all this goddamn McDonald's.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. He got so fat.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Milkshakes, Big Macs, triple cheeseburgers, McNuggets. All of them.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Fish sandwiches. Oh, I love a fish.

[Tom Segura]

You get some goddamn chili dogs. Wow. He became, like, a serious gainer.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He did. He got into this lane. Yeah, he can.

[Tom Segura]

I tell you, I think he's an authentic gainer. I don't think it's even for monetary things at all. I don't know. If anybody was. We would have found how he was monetized.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Hold on, Tom.

[Tom Segura]

What?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But. But don't you. Isn't this for fetish? Don't you need a if?

[Tom Segura]

No, what I'm saying is he's doing it for fetish, but just for the. The dopamine drip of the fetish. Most people do this, and especially if they're public, there's a monetary component.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I see what you're saying.

[Tom Segura]

I don't think there's any monetary components.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I think you're right. Because he shunned it. He didn't want it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. If he was after money, he would have been like, oh, this is a platform that'll, like, give me more exposure. I'll make more money. I think he really just gets off on this.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, that's why. Yeah, I think you're right.

[Tom Segura]

He was absolutely stuffing himself. Also, something else to point out is that he always. He had always had a roof over his head and a car.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He did.

[Tom Segura]

So he was employed.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's true.

[Tom Segura]

He's employed.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's true.

[Tom Segura]

This guy was showing up to work somewhere.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's right. And that's probably why he didn't want the exposure back then. Is he?

[Tom Segura]

Which is crazy, because someone from work was like, hey, man, I saw your. Your fart stuff.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But that's. Maybe that's why he stopped making the videos. Maybe he wanted to be a regular guy. I don't know. But it's a talent wasted if that's the case.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Yeah. I miss him so much.

[Tom Segura]

Your clock's not running. Bam. So come back to us. Yeah. King Asher for Come Back Any I Got. What? What's with the attitude?

[Josh Potter]

What do you want, man? This is so stupid. I shouldn't have said. God damn it.

[Tom Segura]

Any just hits the exact. Like, the perfect mark of the black guy stereotype where they don't like gay stuff. So sometimes when I find gay on Instagram, I send it to him.

[Josh Potter]

It's crazy, dude. You have gay on your feet. On your feet. Like, they're coming to you. The algorithm's like, this likes gay. And you're just like, yep, send.

[Tom Segura]

Like.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I like how upset.

[Tom Segura]

I sent him this, and he got upset. Yeah. Morning, baby. They're just any. They're just sweet. They're not doing anything crazy. I say good morning. Go to church, bro. Deal with on a daily basis when I'm not in trouble. You're never in trouble. Any. I got to go, folks. Hey, say good morning. Any.

[Josh Potter]

What?

[Tom Segura]

There's just guys just saying good morning, baby.

[Josh Potter]

Man, this is stupid, man. This is.

[Tom Segura]

This is dumb.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

We got to show more gay stuff.

[Tom Segura]

That. That was upsetting.

[Josh Potter]

What? I don't. I don't want to see it. You know, like, hey, do. Do your thing. But it's like you said, just like, you don't want to see the Scooby Bob. You know, you don't want to see that dumb.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, right.

[Josh Potter]

I just don't want to see this dumb. So, like.

[Tom Segura]

But they're just saying good morning. Okay, Good morning.

[Josh Potter]

Say good morning to yourself. Let's keep it inside. I don't need that. I don't need it in my life.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, my God.

[Tom Segura]

All right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Black people being homophobic is my favorite.

[Tom Segura]

It is pretty awesome. I love when black dudes are. Hey, hold up. If you're like that. If you're like, man, this was. This is really hard. They're like, yo, pause, man. Pause, dog. What's. What are you. What you trying to say? You're like, are we. Are we in fifth grade? Like, hold up, man. Was mad suspect? The way you said that was hard. Sorry. Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

But I also love how black comics are openly homophobic. 100 so accepted. And it's fine. Like, that's.

[Tom Segura]

That's what.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They're fine.

[Tom Segura]

Culturally, they're like, don't. With no gay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They say it all the time. I love it.

[Tom Segura]

I know. And white comics live in a world. Straight, white male comics dance constantly on the line of gay, like, gay joke, you know, acting gay. Hey, yeah. How about we suck each other's dick after? Like. And then black guys are always like, say what? Like, never engaging in it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know. There's, like, entire premises about things, like, that's some gay. We don't do no gay.

[Tom Segura]

I don't. With no gay, man. You're like, got it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I got it.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Hey, I respect it. Can I. May I please, Priest?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, that.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Matt, please bring up. We have a dental update in your mom's House world. But I would like to start doing vision updates. Okay, I. As you can see, I'm again wearing these glasses. I haven't worn these in years. I just allow myself to see things blur blurrily because I don't want to wear them.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Turns out radiation kills your vision. I didn't know that. I didn't know when they were raiding my body.

[Tom Segura]

Are you just trying to one up me now on. On Invisalign?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So I, I have all my. My reading is gone to my readers and now I have to wear these gay distance dad glasses now like with you, I gotta wear these these all the time.

[Tom Segura]

My eyes are just done cooked.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Have you had your. You haven't done your annual. Your pap smear yet?

[Tom Segura]

I haven't had my pap smear yet this year. But every time I've gone for the last four years, they're like, oh, yeah, you need a higher prescription now.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Every year it's gonna.

[Tom Segura]

Your eyes are gayer this year than.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They were last year. I'm like, okay, yeah, that's what, that's what my doctor said. She's like, you're getting gayer and lesbianic every year.

[Tom Segura]

Every year.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Also good news, because of radiation, I now have the beginnings of cataracts. Cataracts. I have cataracts now.

[Tom Segura]

Maybe you can have a cool at cataract surgery.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

She said, yeah, not now, like in 20 years I'll definitely need that.

[Tom Segura]

That's cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So I've got a bunch of new looks coming for you guys. You're gonna see me wearing different spectacles because, you know, why not?

[Tom Segura]

Well, that also reminds me that I have a different cool update.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This one, I have to say, outdoes cancer.

[Tom Segura]

You and you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I never to do anything this awful.

[Tom Segura]

You also didn't let me talk about it in the pre production meeting. You're like, no, no, no, save it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

For this for the floor. They need to hear it.

[Tom Segura]

So hold on.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I need to simmer.

[Tom Segura]

For the longest time, I guess I've had pretty inconsistent GI.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

15, 20 years at least that I've known you.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, we're like. What I'm saying is. Okay, I have to. I have to preface it like this. I have to preface it like this. When I was more reckless with my health, eating like an every day part of what comes with that is like a maniac too, right? But you kind of don't really, you know, you can't really go, I don't know what's going on because you're eating like an. Like, if you're having like, you know, french fries and, and fried foods and like deep fried this and high sugar and high fat. You know, your guts are going to be a mess. So I was just like, oh, diarrhea is a way of life. Right? That's just what happens. Like, I eat crazy and then I explode.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And then price you pay for fun.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And then like, of course I would have normal bowel movements too, but it was always all over the map. So a few years back, I started taking better care of myself, eating healthier, you know, a lot more lean foods, cutting out sugar, cutting out dairy, things like this. And my bowels did improve, but I still have this thing where I'm like, you know, I'll go to dinner with you or I'll go on the road, I have dinner with like four or five of the guys I. I tour with, and we'll have the same thing. And then I go, oh, I had a crazy this morning. How about you guys? Everyone's like, no, normal, or, you know, like, we have the same food. I'm like, oh, that really me up. And you're like, I'm fine. So at a certain point you're like, I feel crazy. Not at least trying to figure out, I should say that. Four and a half years ago, I had this thought and I got a colonoscopy and I was excited for them to tell me, oh, here's what it is. Yeah, right.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, sure.

[Tom Segura]

I have the colonoscopy, I get the results. I'm like, all the. I get the call from the doctor, he's like, yeah, your colonoscopy is pretty normal. And I go, what do you mean? He's like, he's like, you have a slight, like, irritation, but, like in the normal range of irritate, like minimal. You don't have anything. You don't have polyps, you don't have like something where we see, oh, this is your issue. So then I'm like, okay, and you just kind of keep like my. He's like, yeah, your, your GI track is normal. Keep going, keep going. And then this year it's like, again, I feel crazy. And then you get one. So I'm like, well, this is the perfect time to like, have this conversation again. Yes. You have the colonoscopy again or, or for your first time. And I talk to your doctor and I'm like, I just don't. I feel like something is wrong, but I just don't understand what it is. It's like so inconsistent. So she's great and she's like, all right. She goes. She calls me and she goes, we're going to figure this out. Like, because I lay out in detail everything that I can. Here's what I'm eating. Here's what happens. And there's. And, like, I even gave the example. I could be eating, like, very, very clean, right? Like, very clean. Like some fruit here and. And chicken breast and. And a sweet potato, and then, you know, like, good, healthy food. And I could have a disaster. And then three days later, I might be like, oh, it. I'm gonna have a cheeseburger, and I have a healthy bowel. Like, nothing makes sense.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It doesn't make any sense.

[Tom Segura]

So she's like, well, to figure this out, we're gonna run some tests. So she's like, I need you to go give blood. So I gave blood. And then she goes, now I need you to go pick up your stool kit. So I go to the doctor, and I pick up a bucket that I have to shit into. And then she gave me 12 vials that have scoopers. And I have to. I have to pick up shit with the scooper and put it into each vial. Eight of the vials. Eight of the vials are room temperature. Two of them I have to put in the fridge, and 2 I have to put into the freezer. So I have to freeze shit, keep some shit cool. And I have other shit room temp. And I have to then take all that and deliver it to a lab and go, this was frozen. This was refrigerated. This I kept on the counter. And I have to drop off 12 vials of shit. And the bucket, by the way, it's a plastic, like, flimsy thing. And she goes, oh, please make sure you don't return the bucket. We don't want it after you've shit in it. Because some people bring it back, back. I was like. I go, I was never gonna bring it back. She was like, I just have to let you know. So I picked it up, and she's like, you might not have enough to fill up the 12 vials.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, you will.

[Tom Segura]

But, like, just do it over. And I'm like, gagging as she's. I'm like. And then I. I go, can I borrow some gloves? Can I take a couple of gloves with me? She's like, oh, yeah, that's a good idea. So anyway, she goes, you might do it multiple times. Like a cut. Like, one day you. You fill these up, and the next day you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You feel how big are these vials?

[Tom Segura]

I mean, they're just like, you know, like, bigger than a blood vial.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay. Is it like.

[Tom Segura]

No, no, no, no.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You got tons of. You could fill a blood vial.

[Tom Segura]

I know, but then here's the other part of me I don't want to scoop up. I don't a slop shit. I'm like, telling myself, because you can kind of feel it. You're like, oh, this is going to be a bad one. So I'm, like, trying to gauge when a good shit's coming, and then I'm gonna into that bucket.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yo, I gotta tell you something.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'd rather have my tits cut off.

[Tom Segura]

And do radiation than do the bucket.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I would. No, no. I don't even mind in the bucket. It's the fact that you have to.

[Tom Segura]

Scoop it out, scoop it, and then.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Put it into 12 containers and then hold. It's not enough. Then you have to freeze some, refrigerate some, and then walk it to the lab. I mean, hold on.

[Tom Segura]

The only thing that there's no service that can. You know what pissed me off the.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And separates it for you.

[Tom Segura]

No. Know what pisses me off is the idea that I will do all this. And then they go, everything's fine.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Everything's fine. Well, also, who's his first doctor that was like, you're all clean. See you later. And then gave up.

[Tom Segura]

It was a GI at, like Cedars in la. Like, he was just like, you're fine.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's why I don't think Cedars is necessarily the best, Austin. I've had better health care. I mean, because they actually have the time to give a About you out here.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know this guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I. I don't know. They have to figure this out with you. You. I can't imagine.

[Tom Segura]

I mean, that's what we're doing. We're just trying to figure out what's going on in my butt hole.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I'm just getting out the shower, and I realized it's a sword next to my butthole. Have y'all got sores in your butthole? I don't know if it's called hemorrhoids. When I take a shower, I wipe inside my butthole or if I'm rubbing the tissue too hard or whatever. That's just sore as hell. When I got in that shower, I spread my cheeks and let the water just hit that, and it just said, ah, ah, ah.

[Tom Segura]

I don't have sores, though.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They're not sores, but if you're. She's rubbing them and she. If maybe she's wiping too hard and they're bleeding or they're. They shouldn't be sores. They should just be like skin.

[Tom Segura]

Who knows? Who knows what's going on there? I hope your butthole feels better, man.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Why are you freezing it?

[Tom Segura]

I don't know and I didn't ask. And I don't want to know. I just want to drop off the.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Which fridge and freezer do you'll be using? Not the family's food.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, no, I'll be putting it in our other fridges.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Of course I'm going to put it.

[Tom Segura]

No, I'm putting it in the kitchen fridge.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, my God. You can't.

[Tom Segura]

I. I will and I can.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And then where are you going to lay out your other live.

[Tom Segura]

On your counter.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, my God. I'm going to puke. You better hide that. I would. This is. This one is. Well, I asked you. I was like, do you need help? Like, are you going to. First of all, you've never into a bucket before, so it might be that. That's the first challenge is how do you know you can even into a bucket successfully?

[Tom Segura]

I want to throw up just thinking.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's horrible.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is terrible. There's got to be a better way that they're not telling you.

[Tom Segura]

Will you guys come help me?

[Tony John]

We can document it. We can film the whole thing.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is what I was thinking.

[Tony John]

This is great content.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is great.

[Tom Segura]

Any. What would you rather watch? Two gay guys saying good morning in bed or me scooping my into vials else 50,000 answers.

[Josh Potter]

We're gonna get there sooner or later. That's the answer.

[Tom Segura]

No. Which. Which one is worse?

[Josh Potter]

I don't want to choose one.

[Tom Segura]

You can't even pick which one is worse. Choose one, man.

[Josh Potter]

I don't want either of these things. Wait a minute. You're asking me if would I do it? Like, scoop it?

[Tom Segura]

No, I said which is. Which is worse for you to watch. Gay stuff or gay stuff or me scooping my. Into a vial?

[Josh Potter]

What am I. What am I watching?

[Tom Segura]

You.

[Josh Potter]

You scoop it. Yeah, that ain't. That's fine.

[Tom Segura]

Wow.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I can't watch you do that. Your own. What kind of spoon are they giving you? Is it like a regular spoon? There's.

[Tom Segura]

That's so gay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There's got to be a better way that we're not thinking of. There's no way that everybody. That's how you do this.

[Tom Segura]

That's how you do it.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

This is disgusting.

[Tom Segura]

No. So you have. So the top of the vial.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

The thing that you screw off has a little shovel.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, the scooper. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So you scoop this and you put it in there.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

How much?

[Tom Segura]

That's the other thing is, they're like, don't put too much and don't put too little. Put the perfect amount of in here. And you're like, okay, but what would that be?

[Josh Potter]

There's got to be lines or something on it, right?

[Tom Segura]

Tanner says he'll watch me.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Tanner will watch anything ever. But will Tanner scoop the for me? It's not. I. The scooping of the is what troubles me.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, my God. I don't want anyone else to do it. Honestly, I don't want anyone else to do it.

[Josh Potter]

I know I'd pay fiverr to do it.

[Tom Segura]

You'd pay like.

[Josh Potter]

I would pay. Like, get a fiverr, guy. I would do that.

[Tom Segura]

Like, you wouldn't do it yourself like a postmate. What if the doctor was like, huh? If the doctor's like, we need you to do this, you'd be like, I'm not doing it.

[Josh Potter]

I mean, no, I'm saying I'll do it, but, like, someone else gonna do it.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, I'll hire.

[Josh Potter]

Like, that's what I.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's what I'm saying. I wouldn't do it.

[Tom Segura]

That'd be a long talk with the fiverr. Yeah. He'd be like, wait, what? You're like, so I'll into this bucket.

[Josh Potter]

What's the matter, man? You don't like money?

[Tom Segura]

You don't have to come. I'm telling you. All you need to do.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You got. When are you gonna do this? Like, as soon as possible, right? How long are you keeping this in my fridge? That's the real question.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. A week? No, no, just, like, overnight. Overnight.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Just to see what bacteria grows.

[Tom Segura]

Probably just what's in there. Obviously running a lot of tests if they're having me this much. Yeah.

[Josh Potter]

What about, like, the. Like the fecal, like, like, matter particles and, like, getting in your fridge? They don't tell you. They don't do nothing about that.

[Tom Segura]

Well, you put. You put. You put the. You seal the. The vial, and then the vial goes into a bag.

[Josh Potter]

And that's vacuum sealed.

[Tom Segura]

It's not vacuum.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's not enough to prevent flex from going everywhere in my food. It's disgusting. You can't put it where.

[Tom Segura]

Like, I'm excited to do this. I am now excited at the idea of. Of. Of people seeing the. In the fridge. This is what motivates me. Okay, here you go.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

They think it's bacterial. That's why? They're. They're culturing your kaka I guess. Well if it's not physiological, if there's.

[Tom Segura]

No stuff I know then maybe I have. Maybe I have something in me parasite or something. I don't know.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That'll be awesome. You know how much weight you lose with a parasite? So lucky.

[Tom Segura]

Okay.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do you know women give themselves parasites to lose weight?

[Tom Segura]

That's cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It gets a thing thing.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, here we go. Any.

[Josh Potter]

What up.

[Tom Segura]

This is also for you watching G. No, it's not gay. It's not gay. It's. It's. It's your inner thoughts.

[Josh Potter]

Oh this promise you.

[Anonymous Male Speaker]

I promise you bro. Bro. What they're going to write on my tombstone. Every. Every hole, every thought, every shouty that I with dated all. All my. I got six kids, my four baby mamas inter interview all of them the ass that's any of my wife. They'll tell you nobody is harder on a than me.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's true.

[Anonymous Male Speaker]

Nobody give less than a about a business than me. Yeah, nobody gonna get in that purse money over over than me purse before. Yeah, cash first, ass last. Yeah, nobody. That's what they gonna write on my tombstone. Nobody was harder on a than him.

[Tom Segura]

That's a cool thing on a tombstone.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Any how many brothers and sisters do you have? Zero that we know of.

[Anonymous Male Speaker]

Nobody is harder on a bitch than me.

[Tom Segura]

That is the coolest tombstone thing though.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Nobody's harder in a bench than me.

[Tom Segura]

For that to be on your tombstone, that would be amazing.

[Josh Potter]

I've changed my tone on this dude too. I was saying that maybe he don't get bitches like that but. Nah, actually you can't be that confident saying this shit if you don't get some bitches. But now you know what I think it is is that he gets. Gets young.

[Tom Segura]

They're too young twenties.

[Josh Potter]

Yeah, they're stupid. So he just takes.

[Tom Segura]

He talks about his wife sometimes and.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And then other baby mamas too. He's got a lot.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And. And I bet they all agree nobody's harder than a bit on I bet they do.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Especially it's time to make these cool videos about it.

[Anonymous Male Speaker]

Today I'm going to call as many as my chicks as I can and just play games with them. Just this just kind of make them miserable a little bit and like promise some I'm gonna do for him and don't do it, you know, just lie and this so you gotta see women like to play games. You gotta stay in their head, man. You gotta disappoint them sometime. Let Them down, you know, you gotta. You gotta be toxic a little bit. Sometimes you be like. Like, man, look, just grab them on their side or something. Be like, you getting fatted, bro, Bro, what's up? You getting a little flabby? They'd be all. They'll be playing it off like it ain't. And then when you turn your back, they go in the bathroom, close the door, be in the mirror, turning around, looking like, what the.

[Tom Segura]

Damn.

[Anonymous Male Speaker]

What the.

[Tom Segura]

He really has a good time with this, though.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, he's pleased with himself.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, I know that. So I. I've seen my dad pull that, actually. Yeah. He did it a few times on women.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You get getting. But he wouldn't do it like that. Where you joke with them. He'd be like, I don't like this. Okay. You're too fat. This is not exciting for me. Like, he would just straight up. Straight up, tell him, I'm not attracted to you, you're too fat.

[Tom Segura]

Whoa.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. Which is even meaner.

[Tom Segura]

And then they go, yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

And then they get on D it.

[Anonymous Male Speaker]

You got to disappoint them sometimes.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

See, I just thought my dad disappointed all of us unconsciously. I didn't realize it was like. It's a tactic premeditated. What do you think, Annie? Did you. Do you think your dad, like, didn't show up on purpose to. With you? Absolutely.

[Josh Potter]

Absolutely. I told you in the beginning. That's what. That's why this dude's like, don't understand, like, they don't respect me or appreciate. It's like, because you set the standard that, like, if I answer the phone, that's a gift.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It's a big deal.

[Josh Potter]

That's like.

[Tom Segura]

It's a huge.

[Josh Potter]

Yeah. I don't usually do that for you. Right. So I'm being so nice to you right now.

[Tom Segura]

It's. Yeah, it's definitely so toxic. Usually you don't hear somebody go, be toxic. Like, most people who are toxic are kind of unaware of their ways being like.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, that's.

[Tom Segura]

The awareness is pretty cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I do feel like he's even a level above this game.

[Tom Segura]

He's putting out. He's. This is a tutorial.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, he's brilliant.

[Tom Segura]

This is pretty cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

He's a savant. He's a toxic savant.

[Tom Segura]

I gotta say. Hey, kudos to you, sir.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, this is. This is. This is rare.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That a guy's. He's very bright guy, actually.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. He's a smart guy.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Put this.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Josh Potter]

Also, it'd be cool. I don't know Maybe we could, like, stop calling it my inner thoughts, because I don't. I don't like this.

[Tom Segura]

So, you know, that'd be cool.

[Josh Potter]

I don't like being associated.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. Okay. All right, sorry. We'll start calling it your Christina's Dad's inner thoughts.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yes, we do need a new segment. Just called showing any gay. Yeah, because I do like how upset you get. Josh, could you start pulling some homosexual, black homosexual clips to show Annie or.

[Tom Segura]

Just gay in general?

[Josh Potter]

We've been. We've been homies for a long time. Long time.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I know.

[Tom Segura]

Here's some horrible or hilarious for you, Christina. Oh, here we go. I already know. This is going to end with violence. This is going to end with violence.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh.

[Tom Segura]

Oh.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

What. What even happened? What is that? Cheese block. I don't understand what I saw.

[Tom Segura]

He. He was celebrating. He got. Oh, he got a candle. That was a candle that got stuck in his head because he did it with so much force directly.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay, well, I don't hear anybody. Lol.

[Tom Segura]

No one was lolling at that one.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, we can go on. Okay, next.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, the donkey rally.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, no, I hate horses. Tiny horses, donkeys of all kind. You can go themselves. Good, that's what you get.

[Tom Segura]

I think it would have been a lot better if they had face planted.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

True.

[Tom Segura]

They actually turned. They did the thing you're supposed to do. But it would have been nice to see a.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You're supposed to turn when you get thrown off a burrow.

[Tom Segura]

Well, like, otherwise it would have been a direct faceplant.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I didn't know that that was standard protocol. That's what they tell you to do. I like this already. Oh.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, she broke her leg. You see it? No, this leg closest to you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Is broken.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Cool. Look, it's okay.

[Tom Segura]

See, it's underneath her. Oh, it was bad.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okie dokie? No thanks.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, wow.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

World of Warcraft wrestling.

[Tom Segura]

What is this?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oo. Okay.

[Tom Segura]

She had to be taken out in a stretcher. Yeah, that was pretty cool. You didn't like that one?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Nope. I thought it was going to be some fat stuff and I always like fat people doing stuff, but I hate these guys on bikes, skateboards and like.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, just.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I don't know why that went wrong. Cuz that's theoretically how they all do it. We got stuck.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah, he.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I like this man.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, I see what happened. See, he. When he goes down here, okay. Then he tries to overcompensate by dipping his bot. See how low he goes?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So he gets off the back of the Bike. And then the momentum when he comes forward launches him forward.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not good.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. And then he landed, looks like straight onto his head.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Cool.

[Tom Segura]

That could have ended pretty poorly. No serious injuries. That's cool.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay. Yeah, I'm done. Well, nobody LOL to there.

[Tom Segura]

No, there wasn't a lot of laughs there. Okay, let's do something to make you laugh. Yeah. Somebody tell me how they say this in Japanese or Chinese or Vietnamese or the other knees. This say. Don't it. Tell me. Don't say look, tell me. It does hair and skin care.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It does say that.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's amazing.

[Tom Segura]

Huh?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's amazing.

[Tom Segura]

This is a. It kind of.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

It does.

[Tom Segura]

How would you say I have an appointment there? Oh, my God.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

How do they answer the phone? Can we find it? Can we call them?

[Tom Segura]

How do you.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

There's got. It's got to exist. Let's call and see how they answer.

[Tom Segura]

I don't know. That's a good idea.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, let's look it up here. Josh can find it in like two seconds. Let's call.

[Tom Segura]

What's this place? Hair and skin care.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, it's real. It's Houston. Houston.

[Tom Segura]

Houston.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, let's call it.

[Tom Segura]

Dude, they're open.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Call it right now. Dude, it's. Oh, no, it's closed. Opens 10am can you call them?

[Tom Segura]

So if they don't say their name when they answer, Josh, if they don't say, be like, what. What is this? Where am I calling?

[Tony John]

Okay, let's see if they. Let's see if they pick up with being closed.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. Oh, they're. They're not closed, are they?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, it says.

[Tony John]

It says closed Wednesday. Yeah, they're just closed today.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, they're. Oh, let's see what the voicemail says here.

[Tony John]

I can just try it on my phone.

[Tom Segura]

Okay, that's exciting. In a cash only setting. That's a real foreign vibes. No card. No, no.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Foreigners don't do cards, dude.

[Tom Segura]

Here we go.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, they just ring and ring and ring, right?

[Tom Segura]

No, they don't give a. Dude, these.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Places do not give a. Oh, well, let's try again next time. Yeah. How to pronounce.

[Anonymous Vietnamese Speaker]

As a Vietnamese person who understands the language, I can assure you that there's no malicious intent behind the name. Now, are there others out there who.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Do some sort of a play on.

[Anonymous Vietnamese Speaker]

Words to come up with a quirky name for their business? Yeah, for example, f king the intent is pretty clear behind that one, but could literally be somebody's given name. Like, it could Be the name of the owner who knows. This is exactly what I mean when I say that people would rather go by an anglicized name name then go by their given name because people would make fun of it. Just like, you know, people in the comments.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Haha.

[Anonymous Vietnamese Speaker]

Your name sounds like. And reading some of the comments is making me realize how there are so many people who have this Eurocentric mindset. How to read words.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

You mean English Eurocentric?

[Tom Segura]

Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

I mean we're in America right there. Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

So it's actually. Yeah, but he knows. Yeah, he knows. Nobody here is going to go, oh, that's big now.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, of course.

[Tom Segura]

No, no one's saying that nobody. And yeah means beautiful girl or good.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Okay.

[Tom Segura]

Is. Is there a gem? Okay, there you go. It's a name with a positive connotations. But let me tell you how it works in Houston. My man is on nobody's mind in Houston, Texas.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, I'm blessed.

[Tom Segura]

Oh, it's everywhere there. Oh, those are a bunch of different places called BIG Yeah.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That's rad.

[Tom Segura]

Hey man, meet me at BIG Yeah later today. He's like your Eurocentric Mike. What do you mean, dude?

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah, there's it tie.

[Tom Segura]

Yeah. Everybody knows. You know what we think when we see see that bro.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Of course Brew.

[Tom Segura]

It ain't no mystery like you know that people are not going to be like, oh, that's probably Big now.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

No nobody. But then there are the fun ones where like they don't have an English speaking friend to help them name their business. So there'll be like total relaxed.

[Tom Segura]

So relaxed.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So relaxed.

[Tom Segura]

So relax.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Total relaxed and so relaxed.

[Tom Segura]

You want to be so relaxed, you come get massage here. So relax.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Total relax. So relax. But then I think I saw so relaxed too. There's another so relax.

[Tom Segura]

I'm gonna go to so relax. Get. You know, just wind down after work. It is so relaxed.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

So relax.

[Tom Segura]

Okay. All right. It's fun. It's been a real one. Please watch next week.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah.

[Tom Segura]

Bad thoughts on Netflix. I'm on tour as well. Tom segura.com tour I have a bunch of dates that I've added for the fall because the spring stuff's about to wrap up and we're going to be in Dayton and Akron, Daytona Beach, West Palm, Clearwater, Fort Myers, Allentown, Poughkeepsie, Mashantucket, Newark, Brooklyn, Westbury, Hanover, Gary, Indiana, Fort Wayne, Bloomington, Amarillo, Lubbock, El Paso, Tucson, Colorado Springs, Green Bay, Pasadena, Vegas, baby. Long Beach, Freon, Tacoma, Oakland, Huntsville, Birmingham and Columbia will be cons. Best show of the year and of the tour.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, can I plug a date please?

[Tom Segura]

Of course.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Now that I'm returned to standup, I'm only doing stuff in Austin. I'll be at May 15, 7:30 at Comedy Mothership and the little boy if you like to see me work out a new hour stuff.

[Tom Segura]

That's awesome.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Yeah. And by my lip shits guys. So many of you did for Mother's Day. Thank you so very much. I hope you're happy with your purchase. Get the perfect four now at Christina pull.

[Tom Segura]

There you go. There you go. So relax. So relax.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Oh, come.

[Tom Segura]

All right. So God, that's it for. For this show.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

That was terrible. Don't do that again.

[Tom Segura]

Shout out to the king, man. It was great seeing you again. We're hope you continue to get bigger and post about it. All right, lots of love. We'll see you guys next week.

[Christina Pazsitzky]

Hey, it's P Do.

[King Ass Ripper]

Start my day with the big ass breakfast. Feeling great diamonds on the crevice of my necklace. T face, how'd you get this profession? Fresh as Tony John Stripping to bring a bread you can call me unshy girl Imma make you cry. Gotta take an Uber, baby I got a DUI gone off these edibles and dancing like Charo chilling with Zarface this shit is bizarro. Get in the car. We hard fucking core don't do it in the park Say it a bunch more, you're getting the dog in trouble, you dick. Wonder if you tick tocked well it's true, bitch keeping it clean Please watch your profanity Master of accents nobody understanding me. Got DJ dad mouth on the ones and twos the four stroke gang act like you knew Tom like it's new. You gotta dump that. So Ashley and Tucker, we actually that rich? Never been the time my car's been declined Better clean up behind whenever I walk by. Let's meet up say 8815 a recovering lawyer with an MBA and a dream N I'm saying N me they had a job in my life got scarce Great cuz I was caught stealing bikes got a 2001 Chevrolet Suburban. For the last time, Bird is not a racist person. Still smells like and a schnauzer drinks a liter of Kool Aid once in that work we want to have fun. Like hardcore fun. Hey Darman fans. We hope you like this one. It's about Kim and 9 inches and plus and how Tommy buns got the best tour bus. It's summertime, man. Isn't it great? Got Louisiana hot sauce. Yeah, we give thanks. Nickname snake. Ever since I was a kid, quite crazy off the marijuana and the whiskey I would sip? Yeah, you're smart. But sorry, all sales are final. The free ma street he all smiles. 23.95 with the written food right now.

[Tom Segura]

Right now, right now.

[King Ass Ripper]

Because I'm in the mood. Just a couple cool guys you can go and play the riff. Break your body once a year. That's the key to staying fit. Always gonna be good. You better believe that. Check the mommy's weekly. Put that on my jeans tab. You guys are doing good. Is that Charlie? They took away the fart mic, but they're not sorry. On that day early ad free type lifestyle at your mom's house. Kick back and stay a while.