Who's More Mentally Ill? | Your Mom's House Ep. 817 - Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura

Summary4 min read

Podcast Summary: Your Mom's House with Christina P. and Tom Segura

Episode: Who's More Mentally Ill? | Your Mom's House Ep. 817
Release Date: July 2, 2025
Hosts: Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura
Description: Comedians Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura delve into humorous and candid discussions about their personal lives, mental health, and quirky experiences, all while maintaining their signature comedic flair.

1. Introduction and Setting ([00:00 - 04:00])

The episode begins with Tom Segura promoting his upcoming live special in Milwaukee. Christina and Tom welcome listeners to another episode of Your Mom's House, highlighting that they're recording from the South Bay area of Los Angeles. They discuss the serene vibe of the South Bay compared to the hustle and bustle of downtown Los Angeles.

Notable Quote:

Tom Segura ([00:35]): "It is great. This is like. A lot of people don't know. They come to Los Angeles. Like, where it's at is the South Bay."

2. Navigating to the Studio ([01:00 - 04:00])

The hosts recount their humorous struggle to locate the studio, emphasizing the confusion caused by similar street names and addresses. They describe the unexpected abundance of braids, chicken shops, and bars in the area, ultimately leading them to realize they're in the wrong location.

Notable Quote:

Christina Pazsitzky ([02:17]): "Can I tell you what? Can I talk to you for a second?"
Tom Segura ([02:10]): "There's no studio here at all. There was a lot of people rolling through stop signs, if that gives you any indication."

3. Altercations and Personal Battles ([08:00 - 44:22])

The conversation shifts to personal anecdotes about conflicts and altercations. Christina shares a vivid story about being reprimanded at a crosswalk for abruptly stopping her car, leading to a heated exchange where they end up physically confronting a young woman.

Notable Quotes:

Christina Pazsitzky ([09:00]): "But I fucking hate her dumb face."
Tom Segura ([12:35]): "When somebody hits you, you're not gonna hit her back?"

Tom counters with his own story about getting into a fight while surfing, where another surfer pulled out a switchblade, resulting in a physical altercation.

Notable Quote:

Tom Segura ([15:28]): "Because you're a surfer dude now."
Christina Pazsitzky ([21:06]): "Yeah, it is."

4. Plastic Surgery and Appearance ([17:00 - 19:33])

Christina opens up about her recent plastic surgery, specifically a brow lift, detailing the experience of having staples on her forehead. She humorously expresses frustration over Tom's reluctance to look at her staples, leading to a playful exchange about appearances and surgeries.

Notable Quotes:

Christina Pazsitzky ([17:44]): "That's the skin. They remove a little bit of skin, and then I got staples in my forehead."
Tom Segura ([18:01]): "And I have to say, I know you're covering up. It's crazy how minimal it is."

5. Celebrity Discussions and Humor ([20:00 - 32:08])

The duo engages in light-hearted banter about various celebrities and their influence. They discuss David Bowie, Iman, Adrien Brody, and the quirks of famous personalities. This segment is interspersed with humorous takes on celebrity culture and personal interactions.

Notable Quotes:

Christina Pazsitzky ([07:17]): "Nobody says no. And he doesn't have to put it out there."
Tom Segura ([08:04]): "I'm sure Iman's over talking."

6. Photography Adventures and Comedic Antics ([50:00 - 60:03])

Tom delves into his newfound passion for photography, describing his attempts to capture portraits of strangers by offering compliments and, humorously, offering to show his penis as an incentive. This segment is rich with comedic interactions and absurd scenarios that highlight the hosts' playful chemistry.

Notable Quotes:

Tom Segura ([51:34]): "But now I'm doing this and I have to like, want to ask people, can I take your photo?"
Christina Pazsitzky ([53:10]): "Thank you for showing me your penis. That's so cool, Tom."

7. Final Musings and Wrap-Up ([61:00 - 63:17])

As the episode winds down, Christina and Tom continue their humorous exchange about plastic surgery and appearance, maintaining their comedic rapport. They playfully discuss potential future interactions with plastic surgeons and wrap up the episode with a blend of humor and candidness.

Notable Quotes:

Christina Pazsitzky ([62:15]): "What a great way to get a natural reaction out of a girl."
Tom Segura ([63:07]): "Four throws ever, Mary. Smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke."

8. Notable Moments of Humor and Candidness

Throughout the episode, Christina and Tom balance personal stories with sharp humor, often turning serious topics like mental health and plastic surgery into comedic gold. Their interactions are marked by playful teasing, candid admissions, and a shared sense of humor that resonates with their audience.

Highlighted Humor:

Tom Segura ([53:30]): "But how am I gonna. No, because I can't afford not sleeping. You can't. There's no price that fixes that."
Christina Pazsitzky ([57:35]): "I can't move my forehead."

Conclusion:

In Who's More Mentally Ill?, Christina Pazsitzky and Tom Segura deliver a blend of personal anecdotes, humorous takes on serious topics, and playful banter that encapsulates their unique comedic style. From recounting altercations and discussing plastic surgery to exploring photography and celebrity quirks, the episode offers listeners an engaging and entertaining experience, filled with laughter and candid moments.

Overall Impression:

Listeners can expect a rich and engaging episode that delves deep into the hosts' lives, all while maintaining a light-hearted and humorous tone. The candid discussions about mental health, appearance, and personal struggles are interwoven with comedic elements, making it both relatable and entertaining for those new to the show.

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Transcript911 lines

[00:00]
Tom Segura
Get ready, Milwaukee. I'll be filming the live special taping of my come together tour in Milwaukee this November at the Riverside theater. Tickets and all info is@tomsagura.com tour well, welcome. Welcome to your mom's house. Welcome to another episode of your mom's house. We're here doing some Cali episodes.
[00:31]
Christina Pazsitzky
We're in the South Bay, bro.
[00:32]
Tom Segura
I know, bro.
[00:33]
Christina Pazsitzky
I love it here so much.
[00:35]
Tom Segura
I love it too.
[00:35]
Christina Pazsitzky
It's the best.
[00:36]
Tom Segura
It is great. This is like. A lot of people don't know. They come to Los Angeles. Like, where it's at is the South Bay. Yeah. This is what's up.
[00:45]
Christina Pazsitzky
It really is. Because you're outside of the chaos of Los Angeles city.
[00:48]
Tom Segura
Yes.
[00:49]
Christina Pazsitzky
You're in the beach. It's natural as. And like, you know what I'm saying, The vibe is chill and stuff.
[00:55]
Tom Segura
Very chill.
[00:56]
Christina Pazsitzky
You know what I mean?
[00:57]
Tom Segura
Yes.
[00:57]
Christina Pazsitzky
You know what I'm saying?
[00:58]
Tom Segura
I know what you're saying, and I know what you mean. Totally.
[01:00]
Christina Pazsitzky
And we. Well, it's been a while since we've been here.
[01:03]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[01:04]
Christina Pazsitzky
We got the address to this.
[01:06]
Tom Segura
Got the address wrong. Well, it's. It's not wrong. It's just there's a lot of different addresses that have the same numbers and even street names. Yeah, it happens all the time when you're. You can be on, you know, North Bedford in Beverly Hills, and then there's another Bedford. It's right down. Like you're. You're always having to confirm. And we put in the address for this place, which is on a well known street, if you know Los Angeles called Rosecrans. And we went. We went down to a different street on Rosecrans. You know what I mean? It was different. So we were down there super. Well, it was, you know what I'm saying?
[01:49]
Christina Pazsitzky
It was also like a slow progression.
[01:51]
Tom Segura
It was slow. Yeah, we were slow. We're like, why was a lot of braid.
[01:53]
Christina Pazsitzky
Braids. Braid shops. Braids and chicken.
[01:56]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[01:56]
Christina Pazsitzky
So many.
[01:57]
Tom Segura
So many.
[01:58]
Christina Pazsitzky
And then I was like, that's weird, huh?
[02:00]
Tom Segura
This is where the studio is. And then we just kind of turned and parked. And I was like, there's a lot of bars on windows. Check it out. You know what I'm saying?
[02:10]
Christina Pazsitzky
And like, no Pilates studios anymore.
[02:13]
Tom Segura
No, we're like, this is the studio they found.
[02:16]
Christina Pazsitzky
But then. Can I tell you what? Can I talk to you for a second?
[02:18]
Tom Segura
Yeah, man, tell me.
[02:19]
Christina Pazsitzky
I also felt a sense of excitement at that prospect because it kind of harkens back to the Reseda days.
[02:25]
Tom Segura
Yes.
[02:27]
Christina Pazsitzky
Always A little scared to go to work.
[02:29]
Tom Segura
Yeah. That was always the right feel of like, huh, I'm tense, I'm anxious. Let's go entertain.
[02:36]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah. But gives you that adrenaline that you need.
[02:39]
Tom Segura
You need it as a performer. Yeah. So, yeah, it definitely felt like that. It felt like that.
[02:46]
Christina Pazsitzky
Do more.
[02:47]
Tom Segura
Stop. Do more.
[02:48]
Christina Pazsitzky
It's the best.
[02:49]
Tom Segura
Yeah. So, I mean, so, yeah, it was a lot. And yeah. Anyways, we. We figured it out. We were like, oh, we're at the other end of Rosecrans.
[03:01]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah. We're in a garden.
[03:02]
Tom Segura
There's no studio here at all. There was a lot of people rolling through stop signs, if that gives you any indication.
[03:10]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah, a lot of adults on me. A lot of grown up guys on bicycles.
[03:15]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Yeah.
[03:16]
Christina Pazsitzky
A lot of low rider bicycles.
[03:17]
Tom Segura
We did a quick check and we were like, oh, no, you're about 20 minutes. So came back up and the whole way back we were like, yeah, it's definitely not the right.
[03:26]
Christina Pazsitzky
But it really reminds me of growing up in. In Los Angeles.
[03:29]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[03:29]
Christina Pazsitzky
Because I grew up, you know, driving at 16. There was no GPS.
[03:33]
Tom Segura
Right.
[03:33]
Christina Pazsitzky
You had that stupid Thomas guy. But when you're bro, you're not going to be like, hold on, a 637. You're just like panicking and you're just trying to get.
[03:43]
Tom Segura
The only thing you know is keep it moving. Whenever you're in the wrong neighborhood, you go, just don't break.
[03:48]
Christina Pazsitzky
Don't break. Especially little blonde girls. Don't want to do it so much at the stop signs.
[03:54]
Tom Segura
But we figured it out. We found the right place. We're here. We're going to tell you all about our summer vibes.
[04:02]
Christina Pazsitzky
That's right.
[04:04]
Tom Segura
But we should start the show. We should open it up. So let me get this set. And here. Here you go. I'm Ryan. And when I say I like ass, I mean, God damn. I guess. Isn't that cool? Who is Ryan? Guess what, Ryan? Welcome. Welcome to your mom's house with Tom Segura. Welcome to your mom's house. He likes ass.
[05:17]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah, it's cool. He looks.
[05:18]
Tom Segura
I like when dudes like, make like make an effort to let people know because otherwise you would see this guy and you would have no idea if he likes ass.
[05:27]
Christina Pazsitzky
And it would be in my mind.
[05:28]
Tom Segura
The whole time, like, does this guy like ass?
[05:30]
Christina Pazsitzky
Does he even like ass?
[05:31]
Tom Segura
Yeah. You don't have any idea.
[05:33]
Christina Pazsitzky
No. And I agree. It's nice to know what's out there. And also that he's doing it on the job. Because that is right.
[05:38]
Tom Segura
That's a safety vest. Yeah. So he's working, taking a break from being safe and letting the world know that he loves ass and letting everybody know in case you see him, he's an ass guy.
[05:48]
Christina Pazsitzky
Do you think he was working? Picking up trash on the freeway or whatever? Maybe he was conducting traffic at a construction.
[05:55]
Tom Segura
I hope he stopped conducting traffic.
[05:57]
Christina Pazsitzky
Right. And he was like.
[05:58]
Tom Segura
He's the slow stop guy. He's like, hold on a second, guys. I gotta put this out there. Everyone's gonna be confused. They're not gonna know.
[06:06]
Christina Pazsitzky
Does he tell us why he likes it so much?
[06:09]
Tom Segura
Just letting.
[06:10]
Christina Pazsitzky
Just that.
[06:10]
Tom Segura
Just. Yeah, I'm an ass guy. He also. I mean, he does other stuff, you know? I'm Ryan, and I just got a fresh cup for all you beautiful black goddesses out there.
[06:18]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh, sweet. A fresh cut.
[06:21]
Tom Segura
Fresh. Look at. Look at this, look at this.
[06:22]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh, yeah, yeah. But don't you think that a black lady would think that haircut's goofy?
[06:27]
Tom Segura
Well, yeah, but he's. He's letting. I mean, he did. This is like kind of all the. The pieces of the puzzle. He likes ass.
[06:33]
Christina Pazsitzky
Got it. Check.
[06:34]
Tom Segura
Likes black goddesses. So he's got a type, you know? And he's putting it out there.
[06:39]
Christina Pazsitzky
I see. I see. I see what you.
[06:41]
Tom Segura
All you do is put it out there, and then you just see what comes back.
[06:44]
Christina Pazsitzky
That's all you can hope in a man's life.
[06:47]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[06:47]
Christina Pazsitzky
Is just putting it out there.
[06:48]
Tom Segura
And he's. He's telling you, I got a fresh cut. Do you like a fresh cut on somebody? Yeah. You want me to have sloppy hair? No, fresh cut.
[06:56]
Christina Pazsitzky
I know. I've been obsessed with David Bowie this summer.
[06:59]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[06:59]
Christina Pazsitzky
You've had your Hitler summer, and for me, it's a David Bowie summer.
[07:02]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[07:03]
Christina Pazsitzky
And I'm. I just watched about the courtship with him and Iman.
[07:07]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[07:07]
Christina Pazsitzky
And they're like, we met at a party.
[07:10]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[07:10]
Christina Pazsitzky
And he's like, hi, I'm David Bowie. We were married a week later.
[07:14]
Tom Segura
It's like a week later.
[07:15]
Christina Pazsitzky
No, a year later.
[07:16]
Tom Segura
Really?
[07:16]
Christina Pazsitzky
But you're like, yeah, that's David Bowie.
[07:18]
Tom Segura
Yes, David Bowie. It's different. Yeah.
[07:20]
Christina Pazsitzky
Nobody says no. And he doesn't have to put it out there. If David Bowie says hi to you, you're like, yeah, let's get married.
[07:25]
Tom Segura
Yeah. She's something else.
[07:26]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh, Iman. Yeah, she's perfect. She's a statue.
[07:29]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[07:30]
Christina Pazsitzky
She's not even real.
[07:30]
Tom Segura
I bet Ryan would go crazy.
[07:32]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh, yeah. Full circle.
[07:35]
Tom Segura
You know, maybe if we can get this clip to Iman and She sees his fresh. I mean, she's a widow.
[07:43]
Christina Pazsitzky
She's single.
[07:44]
Tom Segura
Maybe she's like, oh, look at this guy. He's fresh cut, he likes ass, and.
[07:48]
Christina Pazsitzky
He is a little same coloring as David.
[07:50]
Tom Segura
Yeah. I mean, that's probably the limit of where they're the same, but. Yeah, similar. Similar skin pigmentation. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
[07:58]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh, wow.
[07:58]
Tom Segura
Maybe, like, not as great on the conversation level as David or talent.
[08:03]
Christina Pazsitzky
It's okay.
[08:03]
Tom Segura
But that's fine.
[08:04]
Christina Pazsitzky
I'm sure Iman's over talking.
[08:06]
Tom Segura
Yeah. And she's probably like, yeah, I've heard. I've heard all the songs. I don't need you to sing.
[08:09]
Christina Pazsitzky
No. Yeah, no.
[08:12]
Tom Segura
So you look like Zorro. Do you want to tell everybody what's going on?
[08:18]
Christina Pazsitzky
I mean, I. All right. I'm a little embarrassed.
[08:22]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[08:24]
Christina Pazsitzky
But if anything, on this show, we come clean.
[08:27]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[08:29]
Christina Pazsitzky
Okay. Like, you know, sometimes you already know the story, so this is like, I'm just retelling for. But okay. You know how I get into altercations with people? Remember the guy at the hardware store?
[08:42]
Tom Segura
Yes.
[08:43]
Christina Pazsitzky
And I. And you guys told me, and he was like, don't talk to guys like that. Like, he. He corrected me on how I was driving, and I was like, oh, what? I forgot. I. What? I.
[08:53]
Tom Segura
Is this the car? That was loud? And he was like, it's so loud.
[08:56]
Christina Pazsitzky
That's a different guy. That's a different guy. So I've had, like, multiple things with people.
[09:01]
Tom Segura
It's kind of noticing a pattern here. Go ahead.
[09:06]
Christina Pazsitzky
Okay. So I'm at Target, and thankfully the kids are not with me. And, you know, there's a. A crosswalk where people. You have to stop, and then people cross. Okay. So I'm. I'm stoked to be a Target. I'm happy to be there. Whatever. So I'm watching this couple. I'm looking and like, oh, they're a cute couple. And then I inch out into the crosswalk. Okay. But I didn't see. There was a young lady who had just stepped out. Okay. Like, literally just peeped her little toe out there. And I. I right on the brakes. And I was like, oh, my God. You know, And I was like, holy, I'm so sorry. Well, she doesn't take my apology, and instead she starts doing that punishing thing. You know, she's like, it's a Christmas. The pedestrians have the. Right away, it's a Christmas.
[09:55]
Tom Segura
Is that an exaggeration?
[09:56]
Christina Pazsitzky
Maybe.
[09:56]
Tom Segura
Okay.
[09:57]
Christina Pazsitzky
But I fucking hate her dumb face.
[09:59]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[09:59]
Christina Pazsitzky
So this dumb is, like, educating me on the. The function of A crosswalk.
[10:04]
Tom Segura
And I'm like, yeah, I know. I screwed up.
[10:06]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah. Yeah. So I'm trying, like, mia culpa. I'm sorry. But she wouldn't accept. She wouldn't. She kept and going and going. And so finally, I was like, listen, you. I know what this is. And then she takes Umbridge with me, calling her a. Because she's young.
[10:23]
Tom Segura
How young?
[10:24]
Christina Pazsitzky
She's like, I don't know, 20 or something. You know how sensitive this generation is about words.
[10:30]
Tom Segura
Sure.
[10:30]
Christina Pazsitzky
And she's like, oh, I'm a. How dare you call me that? My sister has down syndrome.
[10:36]
Tom Segura
Oh, boy.
[10:38]
Christina Pazsitzky
And I go, yeah, it makes sense. It runs in the family. You guys are both idiots.
[10:41]
Tom Segura
Oh, my God.
[10:44]
Christina Pazsitzky
I know. But here's where. So I was cool with just words. You know what I'm saying? Like, I was like, all right, I'm gonna have words. We're done. And then she insults me, and she. I. I blacked out because I don't even know. I'm so angry, like, because she. Then she says something like, okay, Boomer. Okay, Boomer. And I was like, no, dude, no. That's.
[11:07]
Tom Segura
How old.
[11:07]
Christina Pazsitzky
Don't you. I mean, dude, she was like, I don't know, dude. Like, 15 maybe.
[11:13]
Tom Segura
I thought she was 20.
[11:16]
Christina Pazsitzky
Maybe 15. Maybe, like, 14.
[11:20]
Tom Segura
14.
[11:21]
Christina Pazsitzky
I don't know. I don't know.
[11:23]
Tom Segura
She's 14. Maybe she was 13 or 12.
[11:25]
Christina Pazsitzky
I don't know. She had.
[11:26]
Tom Segura
Is she a child.
[11:29]
Christina Pazsitzky
Showing the Minecraft shirt?
[11:31]
Tom Segura
Should. A Minecraft shirt. So maybe 13.
[11:35]
Christina Pazsitzky
Anyway.
[11:36]
Tom Segura
13.
[11:37]
Christina Pazsitzky
I don't know her age. Just stop. You know, the fact that she calls me a boomer. I'm very proud to be Gen X. I'm very proud to be Gen X. Don't call me a boomer.
[11:45]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[11:46]
Christina Pazsitzky
And then she's getting up into the. The side of the car, and she's like, why don't you get out? Why don't you get out? And like, I haven't fought since grade school, since my seventh grades, with. You know what? I've told stories before. I've been in physical fights with people.
[12:01]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[12:02]
Christina Pazsitzky
So I was like, all right, let's go. Yeah.
[12:06]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[12:06]
Christina Pazsitzky
So I. I hit her. She hit me. You know, was thrown. Whatever. It's cool.
[12:12]
Tom Segura
You're a mother. What are you doing, man?
[12:15]
Christina Pazsitzky
I know, but she called me a boomer. I'm not a boomer, dude. I'm Gen X. And I'm very proud of that.
[12:20]
Tom Segura
All right. Okay.
[12:22]
Christina Pazsitzky
So anyways, she's up and.
[12:25]
Tom Segura
She hit you?
[12:26]
Christina Pazsitzky
She hit me. I hit her right back Okay. I hit her right back. What am I supposed to do?
[12:33]
Tom Segura
I don't know. This is a.
[12:34]
Christina Pazsitzky
When somebody hits you, you're not gonna hit her back?
[12:36]
Tom Segura
No, I know. This is just, like, an interest. Like, you look like Walter White. You look like a crazy person.
[12:46]
Christina Pazsitzky
So.
[12:47]
Tom Segura
Okay, I am.
[12:50]
Christina Pazsitzky
I'll tell you the truth. I didn't really get into a fight.
[12:52]
Tom Segura
Oh, you didn't? Because I got in a fight. I did.
[12:56]
Christina Pazsitzky
You did not.
[12:57]
Tom Segura
I did.
[12:57]
Christina Pazsitzky
Can I tell them what really happened then?
[12:59]
Tom Segura
Sure.
[13:00]
Christina Pazsitzky
I had plastic surgery. I had my eyes done. I just don't. I look crazy right now?
[13:06]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Yeah. This show is sponsored by Liquid iv. You know, one of my favorite things about summertime are those long, sunny afternoons spent outdoors with friends. But honestly, what keeps me going during these hot, sticky days is staying hydrated. That's where Liquid IV comes in. No matter how hot it gets, Liquid IV helps me stay refreshed and ready for whatever adventure comes next. And it is so easy to do. You just grab one of these little stick pouches, you tear it open, pour it in your water. I love the taste. And you are far, far, far less likely to cramp, which can happen all summer long. If you're not doing this, you got to do it if you don't want to. So if you're like me and you love variety, Liquid IV has you covered with tons of flavors like rainbow sherbet to fun ones like popsicle, firecracker, and now.
[13:57]
Christina Pazsitzky
Sorry not to remember, I do love the white peach.
[13:59]
Tom Segura
That white peach is great.
[14:00]
Christina Pazsitzky
A real banger.
[14:01]
Tom Segura
Vegan, non gmo, gluten free, dairy free, and soy free. Squeeze the most out of your summer with Liquid IV. Tear poor, live more. Go to liquidiv.com get 20 off your first order with the code YMH at checkout. That's 20 off for your first order with the code ymh@liquidiv.com. what's on your summer playlist right now? Do you shuffle through different genres or do you stick to certain artists and styles? When the weather heats up for me, it's a mix. Sometimes rap, sometimes chill indie tracks. Whatever else feels right that day. I'll listen to it. The perfect summer playlist might be elusive, but one thing I know for sure, it always sounds better with a cold Coors Light in hand.
[14:41]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yes, it does. Is there anything better than our tunes sitting on the boat? Coors Light.
[14:47]
Tom Segura
Ice cold. Coors Light. Coors Light is the only choice when you're ready to choose chill. When the mountains turn blue, it's as cold as the Rockies, Coors is cold lagered, cold filtered and cold packaged for a smoother finish. Coors Light is mountain cold refreshment. Crisp and refreshing as the Colorado Rockies. When the music is on shuffle, the chill is on repeat. Choose Chill. Choose Coors light. Go to coorslight.com ymh to see how Coors Light can amplify your summer. And be sure to keep an eye out on Coors Light's social handles all summer long. For more exciting announcement, Coors Brewing Company, Golden, Colorado. Celebrate responsibly.
[15:25]
Christina Pazsitzky
But you did get into a fight.
[15:27]
Tom Segura
I got. Yeah.
[15:28]
Christina Pazsitzky
Which is crazy.
[15:29]
Tom Segura
It was over a wave. Yeah.
[15:30]
Christina Pazsitzky
Because you're a surfer dude now.
[15:32]
Tom Segura
Now that we're surfing every day.
[15:33]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah.
[15:34]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[15:35]
Christina Pazsitzky
How did. Why did you get into a fight, though?
[15:37]
Tom Segura
Because I was going to take a wave and this guy was like, that's mine. I was like, what?
[15:41]
Christina Pazsitzky
I know. Because the servers are very territorial.
[15:44]
Tom Segura
Yeah. And I go, what are you talking about? And then I started to paddle out to it, and he flipped out. He pulled out switchblade.
[15:51]
Christina Pazsitzky
No.
[15:52]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[15:53]
Christina Pazsitzky
Dang, dude.
[15:54]
Tom Segura
Yeah. It was crazy.
[15:55]
Christina Pazsitzky
And then how did you find him?
[15:57]
Tom Segura
He swung at me with it. Yeah.
[15:58]
Christina Pazsitzky
And that's what he left you with? Like, look at that.
[16:01]
Tom Segura
Like, scraped the side of my face.
[16:03]
Christina Pazsitzky
That's crazy.
[16:04]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[16:05]
Christina Pazsitzky
That's why you have that bald dude. You and I, summer, are fighting.
[16:09]
Tom Segura
Yeah. I hit him.
[16:12]
Christina Pazsitzky
You hit him back. And then what happened to him?
[16:15]
Tom Segura
I don't know.
[16:16]
Christina Pazsitzky
He just disappeared. He surfed away.
[16:18]
Tom Segura
I don't think he surfed away. He kind of floated for a minute, and then I left.
[16:21]
Christina Pazsitzky
He could be dead.
[16:22]
Tom Segura
I guess. I didn't see anything in the paper.
[16:26]
Christina Pazsitzky
Dead surfer.
[16:27]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[16:27]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah. That's wild.
[16:29]
Tom Segura
Yeah, it's pretty crazy.
[16:31]
Christina Pazsitzky
You're having a very interesting summer.
[16:33]
Tom Segura
Yeah. I also been watching a lot of Vietnam stuff.
[16:36]
Christina Pazsitzky
I know.
[16:37]
Tom Segura
It's so much more of a bummer.
[16:39]
Christina Pazsitzky
I know. I can't believe you hit a guy in the ocean.
[16:42]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[16:43]
Christina Pazsitzky
Where did. He had a switchblade in his suit.
[16:45]
Tom Segura
In his board shorts. Yeah.
[16:47]
Christina Pazsitzky
Wow.
[16:47]
Tom Segura
It's pretty nuts.
[16:48]
Christina Pazsitzky
That's pretty scary.
[16:49]
Tom Segura
There I am ripping it up at the Palm Springs Surf Club. Yeah.
[16:53]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah. You're really good at surfing. You're really picking it up.
[16:55]
Tom Segura
Yeah, man. It's just like. I don't know. It's just like being one with nature. It feels like.
[17:00]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah, it is pretty rad when. It's pretty cool when you get up on that thing, huh?
[17:03]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[17:04]
Christina Pazsitzky
Anyway. Yeah. You look great. Well, I'm sorry that guy shaved your Face with a knife. It's wild.
[17:09]
Tom Segura
Nuts.
[17:10]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah. So I had. I had a bra lift.
[17:13]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[17:14]
Christina Pazsitzky
I had my upper lefts done because, you know, I've been talking about it forever.
[17:17]
Tom Segura
If you've been listening to the show Upper Bluffs. Hate how I learned about the word bless from you. Are you good with that? You keep. You're like me, because I'm like.
[17:24]
Christina Pazsitzky
I was nervous to tell that story because I don't like to lie. I can't lie very well. Not like you.
[17:30]
Tom Segura
Thanks.
[17:31]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah. Hitler. So anyway, Hitler. I don't know. Just kidding. I don't know why I called you that. But anyway, was I talking about I'm on so many drugs, it's a Hitler summer.
[17:43]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[17:43]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh, wait. So I have my upper blast done.
[17:45]
Tom Segura
Yes.
[17:46]
Christina Pazsitzky
That's the skin. They remove a little bit of skin, and then I got staples in my forehead.
[17:49]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[17:51]
Christina Pazsitzky
Where they do a brow lift, which is kind of creepy. And I'm a little upset at you that you won't look at my staples.
[17:56]
Tom Segura
Well, I do like making you laugh because you say it hurts and it makes it. You feel like your staples are going to come out.
[18:01]
Christina Pazsitzky
It's going to rip out. Yeah. But I get those taken out next week, so that's pretty exciting.
[18:06]
Tom Segura
That is exciting.
[18:07]
Christina Pazsitzky
And right now it's just all bruised.
[18:08]
Tom Segura
And I have to say, I know you're covering up. It's crazy how minimal it is. Like, you don't. It barely looks like anything happened.
[18:15]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah. Well, you guys will see it when I reveal it. It's going to be pretty special.
[18:20]
Tom Segura
Special.
[18:20]
Christina Pazsitzky
That's the secret. It's just.
[18:21]
Tom Segura
I can. I can show you what you look like.
[18:23]
Christina Pazsitzky
Okay.
[18:23]
Tom Segura
Like what? Like what I've seen. This is what you look like. Ready?
[18:26]
Christina Pazsitzky
Go ahead. Yeah.
[18:33]
Tom Segura
That's what you look like.
[18:33]
Christina Pazsitzky
Just a very natural glow.
[18:35]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[18:35]
Christina Pazsitzky
You look rested.
[18:38]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Everyone's gonna be like. You can be like, I barely had any work done.
[18:43]
Christina Pazsitzky
I can't wait to get that way. Like Jeff Bezos's new life.
[18:46]
Tom Segura
Oh, my God.
[18:47]
Christina Pazsitzky
So crazy, dude.
[18:48]
Tom Segura
Yeah. That looks nuts.
[18:50]
Christina Pazsitzky
I know. And I. I totally get it now.
[18:52]
Tom Segura
Because isn't it crazy that she has all the resources in the world?
[18:55]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah.
[18:55]
Tom Segura
And she's like.
[18:56]
Christina Pazsitzky
And you get bad plastic surgery.
[18:57]
Tom Segura
Yeah. It's crazy.
[18:58]
Christina Pazsitzky
No, the secret is to get the best of the best and then do very minimal things.
[19:03]
Tom Segura
Nuts.
[19:04]
Christina Pazsitzky
I know. She looks gnarly.
[19:05]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[19:06]
Christina Pazsitzky
No, that's too. Will you tell me if I go there, though?
[19:09]
Tom Segura
No.
[19:10]
Christina Pazsitzky
Why?
[19:11]
Tom Segura
It'll just be too far, and I can't say anything I'll just be like, well, she lost her mind.
[19:15]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah. The lips and that.
[19:16]
Tom Segura
The lips is like the real tell. I think you can do some to your face as a lady. That's like, once you go crazy with lips, it's just all. It's over.
[19:25]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah. Because this is moderate. Like, when you guys see it, it's very slight. It's not.
[19:29]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[19:29]
Christina Pazsitzky
It's not too crazy. But that's. That is not. That's not attractive at all.
[19:33]
Tom Segura
It's extreme.
[19:34]
Christina Pazsitzky
But I know how they do it, because they get you in that plastic surgeon's office. It's so fun. Everybody's laughing. They're like, oh, my God. Are you excited for your paint? And you're like, yeah, this is what. This is not a big deal. Right?
[19:44]
Tom Segura
They do. Well, they're like. And then do you want to do the nose?
[19:47]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah.
[19:47]
Tom Segura
And you're like, my. My nose? And they're like, yeah, you want to just make it a little nicer?
[19:53]
Christina Pazsitzky
Tweak?
[19:53]
Tom Segura
And you're like, oh, yeah, yeah, I'll do my nose. Okay, so we'll do nose and chin. We're doing chin.
[19:59]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah. Well.
[19:59]
Tom Segura
Oh, you didn't want. Oh, we can leave it.
[20:01]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah.
[20:02]
Tom Segura
You're like, no, throw that in. Yeah, that's a good idea.
[20:05]
Christina Pazsitzky
Because it becomes like, I would never have done this.
[20:08]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[20:08]
Christina Pazsitzky
Before I had all those breast cancer surgeries, because I would never be like, yeah, just have a surgery.
[20:14]
Tom Segura
Right.
[20:14]
Christina Pazsitzky
Because I had gone through so many surgeries last year, I was like, this is a nothing burger.
[20:19]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[20:20]
Christina Pazsitzky
Having my eyes cut up. Who gives a. But once you get used to it, that's when it's dangerous. You know what I'm saying?
[20:27]
Tom Segura
Your inspiration. One of your inspirations for your art path.
[20:32]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yes. Thank you for bringing that up.
[20:36]
Tom Segura
Adrien Brody. Hell, yeah.
[20:41]
Christina Pazsitzky
What's going on with his Tick Tock?
[20:42]
Tom Segura
I don't know.
[20:43]
Christina Pazsitzky
Instagram.
[20:47]
Tom Segura
That's really weird.
[20:49]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah.
[20:50]
Tom Segura
Yo.
[20:50]
Christina Pazsitzky
This one, yo.
[20:53]
Tom Segura
Yeah. What's up? What's up with you, man? Today is a great day to smile. What a perfect day to smile.
[21:05]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah, it is.
[21:07]
Tom Segura
I want to thank all the voters at the Golden Globe for. For this tremendous honor of getting nominated and also nominating my fellow cast and the film and all of the hard work that's gone into. If we get nominated for Bad Thoughts, should I do an exact.
[21:28]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh, my God.
[21:29]
Tom Segura
Yes. Yo, I'll go. It's a great day to smile for. Nominating. Yeah.
[21:41]
Christina Pazsitzky
Can you even imagine making this? Oh, my God. Can you imagine?
[21:46]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[21:47]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh, my God.
[21:48]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[21:49]
Christina Pazsitzky
It's so Insufferable.
[21:50]
Tom Segura
It's pretty cool.
[21:51]
Christina Pazsitzky
It's insufferable. It's like Meghan Markle, where she's like, can you bring that? Tick tock.
[21:57]
Tom Segura
Those are so weird, man.
[21:59]
Christina Pazsitzky
Which ones?
[22:00]
Tom Segura
When she's just like, podcast.
[22:02]
Christina Pazsitzky
Just, Just.
[22:03]
Tom Segura
I'm just. I'm doing this and I'm reordering and everything's sold out. That's the one.
[22:08]
Christina Pazsitzky
That's the one.
[22:09]
Tom Segura
Everything's sold out. I just have to like, how am I gonna. I gotta be a mom and I gotta. We have so many sales.
[22:16]
Christina Pazsitzky
I'm so busy. It's so hard working. So hard as I work.
[22:20]
Tom Segura
It's just.
[22:21]
Christina Pazsitzky
It's insufferable. Yeah, but this Adrian Brody, he's on a whole other level. There's another one where he's like, are you mad? Stay mad at me or something. Like, he's just. I don't know. He's having all kinds of dialogue in his own head that nobody else is participating.
[22:35]
Tom Segura
Hey, everyone. I hope you're having a great day with your friends and family. It's a good day to smile, loved ones. The sun is shining.
[22:43]
Christina Pazsitzky
We get it. Yeah.
[22:44]
Tom Segura
The masks are starting to come off.
[22:46]
Christina Pazsitzky
What?
[22:48]
Tom Segura
I think now more than ever, as we celebrate Memorial Day, we should acknowledge the tremendous sacrifices, not only of the.
[23:01]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh, boy.
[23:02]
Tom Segura
Brave men and women who have served in the military. Yeah. He cares during times of conflict, but.
[23:10]
Christina Pazsitzky
Okay, so I. I gotta tell you that anytime people do these, they don't care. There's no way he actually gives a rip.
[23:17]
Tom Segura
I mean, it's just weird.
[23:19]
Christina Pazsitzky
He's done nothing.
[23:20]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[23:20]
Christina Pazsitzky
He does not care.
[23:21]
Tom Segura
Well, it's a good time to bring up your art, though.
[23:23]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh, yes. Thank you so much for doing that and. Exactly. In honor of our friend here. He inspired me to see the value of my own artwork.
[23:32]
Tom Segura
Yes.
[23:32]
Christina Pazsitzky
So right now, it's still up for sale around and find out. This is the first. This will be the first of many works. Yes. This is the original that I did. It was on sale for $10,000. Now, I do think I did not price that correctly.
[23:49]
Tom Segura
I think you're right. Yeah.
[23:50]
Christina Pazsitzky
Which is why it is now $20,000.
[23:53]
Tom Segura
$20,000.
[23:54]
Christina Pazsitzky
I think that that is going to. Someone's gonna.
[23:59]
Tom Segura
Yep.
[23:59]
Christina Pazsitzky
Right there.
[24:00]
Tom Segura
So if you. You didn't purchase it, obviously you. You missed the chance to get it for basically free.
[24:07]
Christina Pazsitzky
And you know what? Around and find out.
[24:09]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[24:09]
Christina Pazsitzky
Now it's 20,000.
[24:10]
Tom Segura
That's 20,000.
[24:12]
Christina Pazsitzky
Missed your chance.
[24:13]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Good job.
[24:15]
Christina Pazsitzky
Now you get it.
[24:15]
Tom Segura
Now you get it.
[24:16]
Christina Pazsitzky
Will I sell prints I don't know.
[24:18]
Tom Segura
I don't know. It'll be great to have the original it.
[24:20]
Christina Pazsitzky
Talk about value. Talk about a legacy. Owning a piece of work from a timeless artist like myself.
[24:27]
Tom Segura
I wonder how this will do at 20.
[24:29]
Christina Pazsitzky
I think it's. It's gonna go so fast.
[24:31]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Unless it's not priced correctly. And maybe.
[24:35]
Christina Pazsitzky
Well, we'll. We'll cross that bridge.
[24:37]
Tom Segura
Bump it again. Who knows?
[24:38]
Christina Pazsitzky
We'll cross that bridge.
[24:39]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[24:41]
Christina Pazsitzky
Anyway, I'm stoked about it, so thank you, guys. You know, just.
[24:44]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[24:44]
Christina Pazsitzky
Buy my art.
[24:45]
Tom Segura
And since you're obviously, you know, recovering.
[24:50]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah.
[24:51]
Tom Segura
I thought this would make you feel good.
[24:52]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh. Oh, my God.
[24:53]
Tom Segura
The goth basketball player. Caitlyn Dark.
[24:57]
Christina Pazsitzky
I love this girl.
[24:58]
Tom Segura
Is that the name, right?
[24:59]
Christina Pazsitzky
Of course it is.
[25:00]
Tom Segura
It's Caitlyn Dark.
[25:01]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah, that's her last name, bro.
[25:02]
Tom Segura
No, real name is Caitlin Cunningham, but I think she goes by Caitlin Dark because she's rad. I mean, how stoked are you, dude?
[25:09]
Christina Pazsitzky
People have been sending me this check.
[25:11]
Tom Segura
She looks badass. Really?
[25:13]
Christina Pazsitzky
I admire it so much. I mean, I love the dedication to the eye makeup, and it's. She's got to be sweaty, too. And it just. Yeah, of course she does it.
[25:21]
Tom Segura
She Australian, so rat.
[25:23]
Christina Pazsitzky
I don't know. I don't know.
[25:24]
Tom Segura
Yeah, she's Australian.
[25:25]
Christina Pazsitzky
Caitlyn. I love it. I wish more players would go goth like this.
[25:29]
Tom Segura
Who is driving lesbians wild?
[25:32]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh, sweet. And me.
[25:33]
Tom Segura
Maybe I've just got big dick energy. She says.
[25:35]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah, dude.
[25:37]
Tom Segura
Nice. Is she gay or. No, she's not. It's just that she's a.
[25:42]
Christina Pazsitzky
But I like what she's doing for gothic visibility.
[25:45]
Tom Segura
I'm just referencing the article.
[25:46]
Christina Pazsitzky
Like, maybe. Maybe she's driving the lesbian. Maybe straight guys. Are you in? Would you. Are you into it? Yeah, she's mash. She's great.
[25:54]
Tom Segura
Yes.
[25:55]
Christina Pazsitzky
I love that she does this before, and I'm surprised they let her do it, which is the best part. I love it looks.
[26:01]
Tom Segura
She looks great.
[26:02]
Christina Pazsitzky
She looks great. I love all the tats. Look at her. Ah, what a great bill, too. She's got that lean lesbian body.
[26:08]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[26:08]
Christina Pazsitzky
Like, there's a girl on the L word that she looks similar to.
[26:11]
Tom Segura
Yeah. But I don't know if she is nice. We don't.
[26:12]
Christina Pazsitzky
We don't know. We're. You know, who knows?
[26:14]
Tom Segura
This article says she's queer. Oh, she's queer. Okay. Is she like, six two? So you know her height? Yeah, she looks really tall. I love it.
[26:23]
Christina Pazsitzky
Which is great eye makeup. Yeah, she's got that kind Of Cholo Joker.
[26:27]
Tom Segura
She's six four. Dang, dude, that's wild. Not a girl that's tall as man.
[26:34]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah, she's awesome. Do they let players do that? I know Rodman was doing all kinds of stuff.
[26:41]
Tom Segura
No. Typically, you don't see that they don't allow it now. Not really. I mean, I don't know if you allow. You just. Nobody does that.
[26:46]
Christina Pazsitzky
I think they should.
[26:49]
Tom Segura
A lot of the players these days, especially, like, the dudes that are young, like, talking, like, 19, 20. Going into the league, a lot of them are into, you know, like, painting their nails and.
[27:01]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah, they're just.
[27:01]
Tom Segura
It's way more a part of that. The culture now. I feel like.
[27:05]
Christina Pazsitzky
Like, straight guys.
[27:06]
Tom Segura
Yeah, straight guys. And they're wearing stuff, you know, stuff that Any's a fan of. Just like.
[27:10]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yes.
[27:11]
Tom Segura
Right? Just like, cool.
[27:13]
Christina Pazsitzky
Cool stuff.
[27:14]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[27:14]
Christina Pazsitzky
Like what?
[27:15]
Tom Segura
You know what I'm talking about, right, Any? Oh, yeah. Check my nails. It's freshly painted. Yeah. You know, but you know what I mean, though, how you see that now in the league? I don't see it in the league. I mean, I don't really watch sports. You know what I'm saying? So. Oh, yeah, a lot of. A lot of the. The fit checks are, like.
[27:31]
Christina Pazsitzky
Fit checks?
[27:32]
Tom Segura
Yeah, they're. They're. They're a little swishy, but it's kind of.
[27:36]
Christina Pazsitzky
Really.
[27:37]
Tom Segura
Yeah. And you'll see, like, the older guys are like, yo, what the. Yeah, but the young guys are all into it. Yeah.
[27:42]
Christina Pazsitzky
Well, we're all evolving into one unisex thing.
[27:46]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[27:46]
Christina Pazsitzky
You know, it's going that way. That's cool. I like it.
[27:48]
Tom Segura
Well, this more. This is, like, dude, the norm.
[27:51]
Christina Pazsitzky
The best.
[27:52]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Any, check this out, man. Hey, boss. They finished cleaning out the empty stalls. Thanks, Mark. What's up, boss? The stables used to be full. I don't know. But if we don't fill these stables soon, we'll have to shut down the ranch. Things will get better. Just you wait and see. Let's hope so. All this is stressing me out. Let me see if I can make you feel better.
[28:17]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh, that's a nice massage.
[28:18]
Tom Segura
Oh, yeah. That sure is a good start. And let's continue on. Hell, yeah.
[28:26]
Christina Pazsitzky
Wow.
[28:26]
Tom Segura
You know, I don't think you could actually cast somebody to act like. Like, I could try to recreate this with actors, and I don't think you can.
[28:36]
Christina Pazsitzky
Well, explain. What do you mean?
[28:37]
Tom Segura
Like, you can't get a good actor to give you this performance. You just have to cast actors. Like, you have to find Them. The magic of the acting to deliver this right is incredible.
[28:55]
Christina Pazsitzky
Right.
[28:55]
Tom Segura
Like, they're terrible actors, and that's amazing because they're in everything. Like, every clip from this era is just the shittiest acting. It's so cool.
[29:04]
Christina Pazsitzky
You'd think at one point they would hire a coach.
[29:07]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[29:08]
Christina Pazsitzky
Just to say, hey, guys, the inflection. Just try to change it.
[29:11]
Tom Segura
I wonder.
[29:12]
Christina Pazsitzky
Every line is exactly the same and every line the same cadence.
[29:17]
Tom Segura
Yo, how much I charge? 200. We'll do anything you want. Anything, Anything, Y' all. Kiss, Kiss. Yeah. Shaking his head and he was too hungry. 200. You couldn't just make $200 by your dancer. How's that shit feel? Is it worth it?
[29:41]
Christina Pazsitzky
Maybe he wanted to.
[29:47]
Tom Segura
Give him 200. That's just for fucking free. God damn, man.
[29:51]
Christina Pazsitzky
But I'm telling you, it doesn't bother him as much as the black.
[29:55]
Tom Segura
Black guys do.
[29:55]
Christina Pazsitzky
Black gay kisses. Black gay kisses bother him. Than white guys.
[29:59]
Tom Segura
Yeah. On his scale of what bothers him, it's black cake kisses that bother him the most. Y' all are stupid. Hey, we gotta get more black and kisses. Yeah. Oh, yeah, please. Oh, get on.
[30:19]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh, my God. I'm so excited. That movie that you guys wanted me to watch.
[30:23]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[30:24]
Christina Pazsitzky
That you did the music for.
[30:25]
Tom Segura
Any what that I did the music for.
[30:28]
Christina Pazsitzky
You know, you do the soundtrack, so.
[30:31]
Tom Segura
Oh. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. So you watched it? No, he didn't see it yet.
[30:35]
Christina Pazsitzky
It's not out yet. It's gonna be on Apple TV any minute.
[30:38]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[30:38]
Christina Pazsitzky
Like a day or two.
[30:40]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[30:42]
Christina Pazsitzky
I can't watch it without thinking of him.
[30:44]
Tom Segura
I know. Now every time we see trailers for it, we just hear you going, bro, you don't have to watch. You don't have to think about me. They do it in the movement. They do it in the movie. I've had people message me. They're like, bro, I watched that movie again. Yeah. And every time I hear the. I just. It ruins it. And it's like, you ruined that, bro. You know that? Like, now you're just awake. The trailer. Like, it's so funny because you're the first person that I've met literally, that has on this movie. And, like, the trailer comes up and it starts with the best film of the year. And then I hear any being like this trash. You can't buy me, man. I don't care how much you pay me. I ain't saying that Movie is good.
[31:29]
Christina Pazsitzky
200.
[31:30]
Tom Segura
They did 200. Oh, my God.
[31:32]
Christina Pazsitzky
Would you French kiss?
[31:37]
Tom Segura
Not for 200, 000. 200, 000.
[31:41]
Christina Pazsitzky
Just a lip kiss. Not a French no.
[31:43]
Tom Segura
Because how am I gonna. No, because I can't afford not sleeping. You can't. There's no price that fixes that.
[31:49]
Christina Pazsitzky
So afraid that he's so afraid.
[31:52]
Tom Segura
I kiss dick tips. You know I kiss dick tips too. I saw that.
[31:57]
Christina Pazsitzky
I would kiss tips too. Hey, this mic is falling, guys. It's a limp dick.
[32:03]
Tom Segura
It's a limp dick.
[32:04]
Christina Pazsitzky
It keeps going. Meow.
[32:06]
Tom Segura
Okay, hold on.
[32:07]
Christina Pazsitzky
I gotta go pish.
[32:07]
Tom Segura
Anyway. Okay.
[32:08]
Christina Pazsitzky
And I guess.
[32:09]
Tom Segura
What is this? What is what? It's a camera. So you peed?
[32:14]
Christina Pazsitzky
I pished. I love it. I walked by the monitor and those two guys are French, bro.
[32:20]
Tom Segura
It's right in front of my face. Like, can we. That's if we could do something else. All right. Please leave it.
[32:28]
Christina Pazsitzky
Beautiful soul. So I want you to ask yourself what you feeding your today? Beautiful soul. Go in with intention and self love and self care. Think about how it's going to digest in your body and attach to that and what it's gonna do. Beautiful. So if you eat the fruit, it's gonna go in that and fruitify it, meaning it's gonna heal it and clean it and just flourish it with a good ass drip. And I'm gonna say that as kind as I can. That's so true.
[33:00]
Tom Segura
Is that true?
[33:01]
Christina Pazsitzky
I mean, I don't know that fruit fortifies the. But I do know that yogurts are good probiotics and such for the. The environment of the.
[33:10]
Tom Segura
Yep.
[33:12]
Christina Pazsitzky
I just love. Everybody's into self care now. Self care is big, but we gotta clean that out. Beautiful soul. The fruits go in the body and they sweep the lymphatic drains. You do have lymphatic nose in there. That. Okay. You got parasites in that, so you got to help that get clean. In this day and age, we're affected by too many things. So we got to take time with ourselves, take time with intention on our intake along with the products. Beautiful soul. Beautiful soul. So what you feeding that today? Love. Ask yourself.
[33:43]
Tom Segura
I can say I've never seen a message like this before.
[33:46]
Christina Pazsitzky
No.
[33:46]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[33:47]
Christina Pazsitzky
In all the years we've been doing this show, Vegan vagina. That guy, that was.
[33:52]
Tom Segura
Oh, yeah, that's. Yeah, that's different.
[33:54]
Christina Pazsitzky
No, he was drinking the smoothies. He wouldn't tell you to do it right. But he liked. He preferred vegan vaginas is what his deal was.
[34:02]
Tom Segura
Yeah, that was pretty cool.
[34:03]
Christina Pazsitzky
But this is not. I agree with her. This can't be wrong.
[34:05]
Tom Segura
No, it's. How can it be wrong.
[34:07]
Christina Pazsitzky
It can't be bad to eat healthy for your health.
[34:10]
Tom Segura
Yeah. I think I normally hear eat fruit but it's just like hey it's good for you. Fiber.
[34:17]
Christina Pazsitzky
Sure.
[34:17]
Tom Segura
You know this nice source of energy for you.
[34:20]
Christina Pazsitzky
Not correlated to.
[34:22]
Tom Segura
Never heard it been like fruitify your.
[34:24]
Christina Pazsitzky
Food if I. Yeah, I agree, I agree. But speaking of your browns, I don't. How have your browns been since we've been in the.
[34:30]
Tom Segura
Great.
[34:31]
Christina Pazsitzky
See what's going on.
[34:32]
Tom Segura
Great.
[34:33]
Christina Pazsitzky
What's going on?
[34:34]
Tom Segura
Great browns.
[34:36]
Christina Pazsitzky
I don't know why not a sloppy one since we've been here.
[34:39]
Tom Segura
I mean not the, not always the best but I've had some really good ones. Yeah.
[34:43]
Christina Pazsitzky
What do you think it is? What is happening to you?
[34:45]
Tom Segura
No. Is it just stress free lifestyle at the beach?
[34:48]
Christina Pazsitzky
Maybe. Maybe that's what it is. Maybe.
[34:52]
Tom Segura
I mean is the food that different that I'm eating? I don't think so.
[34:55]
Christina Pazsitzky
Well, you're traveling a lot so it's different.
[34:57]
Tom Segura
Bacteria traveling always sleep, motherfucker.
[35:01]
Christina Pazsitzky
Beautiful. So yeah, you told me a beautiful story today about you and your trainer.
[35:07]
Tom Segura
Oh yeah. So I've been working out here. I, I found a gym like 10 minutes from our place which is great.
[35:13]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah.
[35:13]
Tom Segura
Small gym which I prefer honestly, like small private sessions. Really like great equipment and, and like really knowledgeable people there. So I hit them up and I've just been going for sessions like every other day. I've been hearing the dudes and I was in there today. I went a little earlier and I'd had before I had, let's see, I had some fruit, I had a banana to. For my dick fruit if I. And then I had a little bit of like half a meal bar just to have like a little, you know, food in me. And we were training and we were doing farmers walks with these huge like the strongman ones. And he was setting it up and like I was like, oh, I feel, I feel like a fart coming. So I kind of walked away from him like not even that far, maybe like 15ft away. And he was talking to me about like the, the technique of like how to pick it up and like short fast walks. And he's putting weights on it because it has like these you know, pillars that come out and he's putting weights on it. And I stood like 50 and I looked at him and I was like, oh, I'll just like fart over here and it'll like. And I didn't think it was going to make any noise and it made so much noise. It was like one of the loudest, longest farts I've had. And I looked at him as I was doing it.
[36:41]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah, you did eye contact?
[36:43]
Tom Segura
Yeah, I did eye contact. And I was like, right, right. He's like, yeah. So like, you know, short, fast steps. I go. Right. And it was like, you know, like, just like. And as I was doing that, he. He just was like, yeah. So then keep. And then slide them down over here. And then turn around, do it back.
[37:01]
Christina Pazsitzky
You looked at. Hold on. You're standing there and there was never.
[37:04]
Tom Segura
Any discussion about it. Nothing. Like, nothing. Nothing came about it.
[37:09]
Christina Pazsitzky
Do you think? There's two possibilities. Either this guy is your soulmate and nothing need be said.
[37:16]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[37:16]
Christina Pazsitzky
Or this guy is so mortified by you as a human being that he was like, I can't even address this.
[37:22]
Tom Segura
Can I tell you what? I was thinking about it too? I think it's that he is around because there's some. There's a couple people that. Without trying to blow up their spot, there's some savages that go here.
[37:34]
Christina Pazsitzky
Okay.
[37:34]
Tom Segura
And I think he's used to just animalistic behavior and that he was just like, yeah, this is just how certain dudes are. And like, there's not even a need to address it.
[37:45]
Christina Pazsitzky
They're just beef machines.
[37:46]
Tom Segura
Yeah, yeah. It's just like. It's another guy who farts. Yeah.
[37:50]
Christina Pazsitzky
He's so accustomed to piggery.
[37:52]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[37:53]
Christina Pazsitzky
That he's like, whatever, dude.
[37:54]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[37:54]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah. That must be it. That's gotta be it.
[37:57]
Tom Segura
It's gotta be it.
[37:58]
Christina Pazsitzky
Especially if there's no women. Are there any women there?
[38:00]
Tom Segura
I mean, there's women who train there, but like, it's not. There's not 10 people walking around.
[38:06]
Christina Pazsitzky
But I'm saying, was there a woman.
[38:08]
Tom Segura
In the room when I did that? No. A woman had left. She was there and she left. Yeah. She had trained before me.
[38:14]
Christina Pazsitzky
Because that might be why you felt liberated to do so.
[38:19]
Tom Segura
Oh, yeah. He was like, whatever, whatever, dude. Yeah.
[38:21]
Christina Pazsitzky
Because I train in Texas at that weightlifting place. That's all like, you know, ex military and like real, real dudes, real psycho. And I have a feeling when I'm there, they hold it together just a tiny bit.
[38:35]
Tom Segura
Yeah. That's standard behavior.
[38:37]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah.
[38:37]
Tom Segura
Like even here's the thing, it doesn't have to do just when women are around, you dial it back just, just a pinch. And then if it's just dudes, you're like it.
[38:46]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah, I know. Because, you know, I love these period piece type shows.
[38:50]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[38:51]
Christina Pazsitzky
And they're like, you know, women shouldn't be allowed in drinking parlors because you can hear unsavory things. And I'm like, oh, my God. Not in our house. That is the complete.
[39:01]
Tom Segura
And you and your bells, your circle of demons that you hang out with, those women are barely women.
[39:08]
Christina Pazsitzky
I know, I know. They're pigs. But that's why I like them.
[39:12]
Tom Segura
I know.
[39:12]
Christina Pazsitzky
We went. When we went to Puerto Vallarta. It's funny. So one of my. The one of the girls that's on the trip, her mother's from Guatemala. And her Guatemalan mother was like, oh, be careful. You're going to get sex trafficked in Mexico. And he was like, we're not getting trafficked. We're all 50 years old. Nobody wants these old bodies. These old. These old.
[39:35]
Tom Segura
I got something special for you, man. I got these four 50 year old broads.
[39:43]
Christina Pazsitzky
50 year old.
[39:44]
Tom Segura
No.
[39:44]
Christina Pazsitzky
Like, maybe they'll kidnap me to cook for them or something.
[39:47]
Tom Segura
Yeah, but you're past the.
[39:49]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh, way past trafficking.
[39:50]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[39:51]
Christina Pazsitzky
Right.
[39:51]
Tom Segura
Yeah. If you were 19, they'd be like, yes, scoop them up.
[39:54]
Christina Pazsitzky
Scoop them up.
[39:55]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[39:55]
Christina Pazsitzky
That is the nice thing about aging is that you're beyond those problems. Like, nobody's gonna probably roofie me at a party anymore.
[40:02]
Tom Segura
Right?
[40:03]
Christina Pazsitzky
That's done. It's great. I can just enjoy myself.
[40:06]
Tom Segura
Right. They're just like. I would have roofied you years ago.
[40:12]
Christina Pazsitzky
That's cool. Would you roofie me now?
[40:14]
Tom Segura
Yeah, I would. Yeah.
[40:15]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah.
[40:15]
Tom Segura
Yeah, you would. If I. Yeah. If I didn't sell you. Sure. I drug you.
[40:19]
Christina Pazsitzky
Sweet, babe.
[40:19]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[40:20]
Christina Pazsitzky
Thanks.
[40:21]
Tom Segura
Thanks for saying I tie you up, keep you in a basement.
[40:24]
Christina Pazsitzky
Thanks, buddy. You know, this is interesting because last night you told me that I was cold as ice and a sociopath.
[40:34]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[40:36]
Christina Pazsitzky
And I think actually you're the one that's more.
[40:39]
Tom Segura
Oh, you are. You're mentally ill. But. But it's a kind that I'm familiar with and I still. I love you.
[40:47]
Christina Pazsitzky
My stitches are.
[40:48]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[40:48]
Christina Pazsitzky
Staples.
[40:49]
Tom Segura
So we had this back and forth about it because you were like. You were saying, it's me and I. Yeah, no, we're just gonna put this out there.
[40:57]
Christina Pazsitzky
Sure.
[40:58]
Tom Segura
Zolo. Yes. I want you to find somebody to come in when we go back to Texas.
[41:04]
Christina Pazsitzky
Okay.
[41:06]
Tom Segura
To test Christina. I and anybody on the staff that wants to take a test for like, antisocial personality disorder and have them, you know, get like, vet like a really good person for it. Then we'll all submit our tests and then we want them to come on the show and basically review people. Well, perfect.
[41:24]
Christina Pazsitzky
Let's talk about this because there's different levels. There's just people that are. You said, I don't have feelings. I'm very emotional.
[41:32]
Tom Segura
Yeah. I mean, you're cold and. Yeah. Yeah. You're. You're very Eastern European.
[41:36]
Christina Pazsitzky
Right.
[41:37]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[41:37]
Christina Pazsitzky
But then there's personality disorder.
[41:39]
Tom Segura
Right.
[41:39]
Christina Pazsitzky
Which is.
[41:40]
Tom Segura
Which pretty much. I think Eastern Europe falls into that. DSM is. Yeah. Antisocial personality disorder is. Yeah.
[41:47]
Christina Pazsitzky
But then there's you.
[41:49]
Tom Segura
Lack of empathy.
[41:50]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah.
[41:51]
Tom Segura
Lack of remorse.
[41:52]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah, yeah, Yeah. I don't have the same problem. Like, feeling.
[41:55]
Tom Segura
Yeah. I'm like, why. Why are you smiling?
[41:57]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah. Oh, that's just cultural, too. I mean, that's weakness. Smiling is weakness. But. But you. But. But your thing with, like, your enjoyment of watching murders and killings and.
[42:11]
Tom Segura
I mean, I keep saying the same thing to you for, like, everybody's watching these shows. You act like it's made for me. These shows are, like, number one.
[42:18]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah. But I also think that, like, you. You're not. You're not up in your feelings all the time either. You know, I would say. I would say. I mean, if. Okay, let's. Let's just say. Let's look at Bad Thoughts. Okay. Granted, the show is called Bad Thoughts for a reason.
[42:37]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[42:37]
Christina Pazsitzky
I mean, that literally came from your sick, mentally ill mind.
[42:43]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[42:43]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah. That's your. That's what's inside of that noodle. So, I mean, listen, I was. I. I was DMing with Tom Green because the kids discovered his brilliant sandwich bit.
[42:54]
Tom Segura
Oh, yeah, just a little more. A little more olives. Yeah. A little more lettuce, a little mayo on that, a little more cheese.
[43:01]
Christina Pazsitzky
It's brilliant. And it still holds up. All of this is still funny. And I DM'd him, and I was like, hey, my kids found a little more olives and everything. And he's like, great. Show them the Bum Bum Song. And of course, they love that. And then. And then he said something like, I really love Tom's show. And. And I was like, next time you're in Texas, you know, come over for dinner, whatever. And he's like, all right, as long as you don't think I'm, you know, mentally ill. And I was like, no, Tom's way more mentally ill than you. My God, if you look at the content the two of you put out, I mean, who's crazier, you or Tom Green?
[43:32]
Tom Segura
Well, no, it's different types of crazy.
[43:34]
Christina Pazsitzky
Okay, let's talk about it.
[43:35]
Tom Segura
Well, you're the craziest of all. Yeah. Yeah.
[43:39]
Christina Pazsitzky
So you see how you throw stones and it's always the people that are the most mentally ill that will never admit to being mentally ill. I know I'm mentally ill. You don't even acknowledge your.
[43:49]
Tom Segura
I acknowledge.
[43:50]
Christina Pazsitzky
Shadow self.
[43:51]
Tom Segura
I acknowledge some of it. I acknowledge. There's a bit of it. But you're the real. You're the.
[43:56]
Christina Pazsitzky
I know I am.
[43:56]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[43:57]
Christina Pazsitzky
I admit that. I. I know where my dark areas are. I don't even think you know where they are.
[44:02]
Tom Segura
Where mine are.
[44:02]
Christina Pazsitzky
You don't even know.
[44:04]
Tom Segura
I know that I'm not 100 normal.
[44:10]
Christina Pazsitzky
Where. Where would you say your blind spots are?
[44:12]
Tom Segura
I don't know.
[44:13]
Christina Pazsitzky
Normalcy. Where do you think?
[44:15]
Tom Segura
Deal with this.
[44:20]
Christina Pazsitzky
Stupid.
[44:20]
Tom Segura
I did not say that.
[44:22]
Christina Pazsitzky
Up. Yeah, that's what you said.
[44:23]
Tom Segura
No, I said it with my eyes, but I didn't say it.
[44:27]
Christina Pazsitzky
Okay, this will be interesting then.
[44:28]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[44:29]
Christina Pazsitzky
If we get a. The shrink's gonna have it.
[44:37]
Tom Segura
He's gonna have time.
[44:38]
Christina Pazsitzky
I know who's the most mentally ill on our. On our team.
[44:42]
Tom Segura
You wanted to guess.
[44:43]
Christina Pazsitzky
I already know who. I think everybody knows. Should we all say the name at the same time?
[44:47]
Tom Segura
Who?
[44:47]
Christina Pazsitzky
On the count. Three. One, two, three.
[44:50]
Tom Segura
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me. Yeah. No, he'll. They'll have a. They'll have a field day with him also. I'm definitely just gonna gaslight him, though. Yeah, of course.
[44:58]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh, you have to.
[45:00]
Tom Segura
I'm gonna make him say I'm perfect. It's just. That's what I do. He's like the greatest guy. But you're gonna. Are you gonna answer the questions honestly or dishonestly? Well, define honestly. Well, like. Oh, that's like, for the form. Would you. Would you say what you really think on it, or. No, it's like, you know. Yes. Okay, but. But you'll dial it back a little bit. You see, it's like, you know, it's context. Context matters. Yes, I agree.
[45:25]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah, but they know that. That's why they're going to ask you the same question 10 different ways. So eventually they're gonna get some level of your insanity.
[45:33]
Tom Segura
That's true. They should be able to get some of it. By the way, I watched Mickey 17. Have you seen that?
[45:41]
Christina Pazsitzky
Me?
[45:41]
Tom Segura
No, the guys.
[45:42]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh, no, I haven't watched that dude. You liked it?
[45:45]
Tom Segura
It was really good.
[45:46]
Christina Pazsitzky
You really liked it?
[45:47]
Tom Segura
He's fantastic, man.
[45:48]
Christina Pazsitzky
This. That boy from Twilight.
[45:50]
Tom Segura
Well, he's a great actor, but I mean, the director, the guy that made Parasite, what's his name? Bong.
[45:55]
Christina Pazsitzky
Bong.
[45:56]
Tom Segura
Joon Ho. Bong Joon Ho. Man, he can. He really does.
[46:00]
Christina Pazsitzky
Speaking of The Korean food's delicious here, isn't it? I think I ordered some bong joon.
[46:05]
Tom Segura
You don't get Korean food. Like. No, you don't get Korean food like you do in Cali, outside of Seoul. Like, here. It's the best. Dude, L.A. korean food is unbelievable.
[46:16]
Christina Pazsitzky
Hands down, the best. You know, we have been educating our boys on are the good comedies that we grew up on, like Spaceballs.
[46:23]
Tom Segura
That has been the most fun.
[46:24]
Christina Pazsitzky
That's been really fun. Yeah, Spaceballs. I'm. I'm into Police Academy with Julian. I fast forward through the inappropriate stuff, but he really loves the wrong Missy.
[46:34]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Which has a lot of inappropriate.
[46:36]
Christina Pazsitzky
I forward through a ton of it, but I. If I don't. Would you. What's her name? Car plus. Lauren. Car Plus. Is that her name? I can't read it. Lapkis. Lauren Lapkis.
[46:45]
Tom Segura
She's amazing.
[46:46]
Christina Pazsitzky
She's so funny. And God damn it, I could watch her do anything.
[46:50]
Tom Segura
She's really.
[46:50]
Christina Pazsitzky
And Spade, of course, is fantastic, too. This one's funny. And what else? Back to the Future. We showed them that one.
[46:57]
Tom Segura
That was the future. They watch Back to the Future. They're like, it's in. Back to the Future, by the way, is an absolutely perfect movie.
[47:04]
Christina Pazsitzky
Like, it's perfect.
[47:06]
Tom Segura
Not a wasted frame of film in this movie. It's just so well executed. And then we're watching Back to the Future, Part 2, and at the end of Back to The Future, Part 2, Michael J. Fox is in a scene with Michael J. Fox, right? Like, there's two of them, and he's. And the one of them is trying to make sure that the other one doesn't see him. And then the one leaves, and he goes. Julian's like, wait a minute. There's two of them. And I'm like, no, he's back in the pass now. He goes, what? I go, this is the whole premise of the movie. Like, what do you think's happening? He's like, what year is it? Like, it's 1950. They're in 1955. He's like, 1955. And I go, yeah, man. Like, what do you think's happening? So crazy to try to explain it to a kid.
[47:50]
Christina Pazsitzky
As, you know, he. He laughs at the slapstick stuff.
[47:52]
Tom Segura
Yes, he does.
[47:53]
Christina Pazsitzky
He likes slapsticks. So I'm happy to teach him that. And we're in Star Wars. We're watching the Star wars stuff the kids love, you know, burying the figurines that we got them in the beach.
[48:02]
Tom Segura
What's crazy is we had their cousins Come over yesterday and it's all girls. And seeing the girl parents watch.
[48:11]
Christina Pazsitzky
Hilarious.
[48:12]
Tom Segura
The boys was so fun.
[48:14]
Christina Pazsitzky
Hilarious.
[48:14]
Tom Segura
Because one of them pulled me aside. They're like, hey, your little guy just punched him in the head. And then he jumped on his back, but he didn't do anything back to him. I go, oh, yeah, they're just around. He goes, he hit him pretty hard.
[48:28]
Christina Pazsitzky
And he laughs when he hits him really hard. It's called playing.
[48:31]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[48:32]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah. At one point, three little girls were in our room bathing. Right. Like, they're in the bathtub and I'm watching a show. And they're like. They're silent.
[48:42]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[48:42]
Christina Pazsitzky
Just giggling. And I was like, if this were our two boys, it would be screaming and water everywhere flood. And I'm like, it's. Having girls is like. Having one girl is like, no, no. Two girls is one dog.
[48:56]
Tom Segura
And they let. When they left, they were like, thank you, Uncle Tommy. And they each gave me a hug and they're like, will you come with us? I was like, no, I have to stay here with these heathens. I wish I could. Could you stay?
[49:11]
Christina Pazsitzky
I do. I know yesterday they. They came over and. And they're like, we're gonna go in the pool. And you were like, great, I'm staying here. Yeah, because you're away in the.
[49:21]
Tom Segura
Yeah, go. Go up there.
[49:24]
Christina Pazsitzky
No, they're fucking psychos, dude.
[49:26]
Tom Segura
Yeah, they're crazy kids.
[49:27]
Christina Pazsitzky
You started taking pictures of people.
[49:30]
Tom Segura
Oh, yeah. Tommy F. Stop. Yeah, I started a photography account. I love photographs.
[49:37]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah.
[49:37]
Tom Segura
And I got so excited. I mean, you know, one of my closest confidants is Sean, my photographer. And so I'm always around him. He's a great furtographer for taking photographs. And I don't know, I just. I love taking phot. I just do. I love it. And so I just started taking photos. I take them on film cameras and I get those developed. I love the process. Then I got a good digital one and been buying lenses. I'm. I'm just nerding out. I love it. And I post it. I just want you to know, some people are writing. They're like, this is gay, Tom. This is gay. And I just. I try to tell them that it's going to get gayer. Like, it's the beginning.
[50:20]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah.
[50:21]
Tom Segura
Of how gay it'll be. Yeah. There's Tommy F. Stop right there. But I tell them that I'm going to keep posting. And, you know, some people encourage me. Some people say very mean things to me about it. But I just want you to Know that I'll never stop doing it.
[50:37]
Christina Pazsitzky
No. And you know what? Some people are not going to appreciate your art. And some people won't pay you what your art is worth too.
[50:43]
Tom Segura
Oh, right. Yeah. Maybe I should start charging for each of these, right?
[50:47]
Christina Pazsitzky
I think you should.
[50:47]
Tom Segura
That's a good idea.
[50:48]
Christina Pazsitzky
I think you should. But that's cool. So you're. But you're taking portraits of people?
[50:52]
Tom Segura
Sometimes portraits, sometimes just landscape, sometimes just whatever is, I don't know, just anything. Half eaten burrito? Yeah.
[50:59]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh, that's cool. Yeah, those are so good.
[51:02]
Tom Segura
In California by the best breakfast burrito.
[51:04]
Christina Pazsitzky
Do you. So like, you walk up to a lady and you'll be like, yeah, hey, can I take your portrait?
[51:10]
Tom Segura
Well, I've found. So here's the thing about the. Because my, I think my. You discover like, what are your favorites, right? So there's some landscape stuff that you love to do. Like you see something like, beautiful, you want to take a photo of like in Iceland. Like, it's incredible.
[51:23]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh my God. That's a really good picture. It's like a National Geographic.
[51:26]
Tom Segura
So you, you know, there's this kind of stuff and then there's the portraits of people. My, I think my favorite are portraits of people.
[51:35]
Christina Pazsitzky
I love that guy in New York.
[51:37]
Tom Segura
That's Leonard. Yeah.
[51:38]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah.
[51:39]
Tom Segura
So I like that stuff the most, I think, I don't know, it's always a, it's a discovery, right? But there's the whole thing. Like him. I know. So it's like, it's comfortable to say, hey, you mind if I take your photo? But on the street, it's like you get this kind of rush. It's kind of exciting to see somebody with like a unique look. And you go, you want to ask them, right? But it's also, I find it very intimidating because my, my, my general way of being is like, don't bother people. Like, I always live by, like, don't bother anyone, you know, so now I'm doing this and I have to like, want to ask people, can I take your photo? And it's challenging. And I was, I was asking other photographers how they do it, and one of them was like, well, the best thing you can do is you give a compliment to somebody first, which is like, it's just a good way to. And you're gonna sense right away if, if it is a vibe with the person and they say no. Like, I've had people say no and then say yes. But you go like, oh, like, you know, you look, look amazing. Like, this is such A cool look. You look like, cool. Modi, can I take your photo? Right? And then sometimes they say, yeah. And so the other thing I've been doing is I offer an exchange. So I go. I'll say, like, hey, you have. You have such a. Like, I'll go, oh, my God. I'm sorry to bother you, but you have such an amazing look. Do you mind if I take your photo? And if. If they say yes, I go, I'll show you my penis afterwards. You know? So that way, like, you get something.
[53:08]
Christina Pazsitzky
I get something, everybody wins. Yeah, that's a perfect.
[53:11]
Tom Segura
And that's. I've been getting so many yeses after that. Yeah, Like, I showed him, and. Yeah. Other people loved your penis. Oh, yeah. He was like, that's nice.
[53:20]
Christina Pazsitzky
Thank you for showing me your penis. That's so cool, Tom. And I bet people feel really rewarded when that's what they get.
[53:26]
Tom Segura
Well, then. Because I also. I give a. I'll comment. I'll go. It's fully flaccid right now. There's more.
[53:31]
Christina Pazsitzky
There's more to this penis.
[53:32]
Tom Segura
There's more to this. If you will just give me a moment.
[53:35]
Christina Pazsitzky
Wow, that's a really cool idea. And I don't think any other photographer.
[53:40]
Tom Segura
This right here, she was looking right at my penis when I took this.
[53:43]
Christina Pazsitzky
Wow.
[53:43]
Tom Segura
That's why she's smiling.
[53:44]
Christina Pazsitzky
That's so cool.
[53:45]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[53:46]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah. You know, that's. That's a nice way to get a natural reaction out of a girl.
[53:51]
Tom Segura
Yeah. So one thing I found is, like, strange women love dick talk. Like, if they don't know you, they want to talk about your dick.
[53:59]
Christina Pazsitzky
That's so true. Yeah, that's great. She looks like a really innocent, sweet.
[54:03]
Tom Segura
She was really sweet. She was really sweet.
[54:05]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah. She was a barista.
[54:07]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[54:08]
Christina Pazsitzky
So you showed her in the. The coffee.
[54:10]
Tom Segura
In the coffee shop. So everybody saw it, but, oh, that's cool. I was like, I want your photo, so how about you get it?
[54:15]
Christina Pazsitzky
But look how happy she is when she saw your painter.
[54:18]
Tom Segura
It's been working.
[54:18]
Christina Pazsitzky
It's been working.
[54:19]
Tom Segura
It's been working.
[54:20]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah. That's great.
[54:21]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[54:21]
Christina Pazsitzky
What a great method.
[54:23]
Tom Segura
Yeah. So it's also a tip if you're an amateur photographer like I am. There's a little tip that I learned. Offer up your genitals. People are like, oh, wow, that's really cool. Yeah.
[54:34]
Christina Pazsitzky
I think a lot of photographers like that took photographs of models. I think they did that stuff, like, in the 70s.
[54:41]
Tom Segura
Yeah. I don't know if it was exactly as we're talking About.
[54:43]
Christina Pazsitzky
But, yeah, I think a lot of dudes showed their dicks in exchange.
[54:46]
Tom Segura
There was Sedona. You see these?
[54:48]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh, right. That's Sedona.
[54:50]
Tom Segura
Keep going.
[54:51]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah, that was really fun. That was a nice trip.
[54:52]
Tom Segura
That's where I talked to the aliens.
[54:54]
Christina Pazsitzky
There I am. There I am just talking to the river.
[54:56]
Tom Segura
Talking to the river.
[54:57]
Christina Pazsitzky
Vortex. Making contact. Dude.
[54:59]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Duckies.
[55:00]
Christina Pazsitzky
What's up, ducks?
[55:02]
Tom Segura
Yep. John Feliciano.
[55:03]
Christina Pazsitzky
There's John.
[55:04]
Tom Segura
That was a beautiful Sedona.
[55:06]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah, that was pretty spiritual and.
[55:08]
Tom Segura
Yeah, beautiful. Nice shots, Tom. Thanks. Yeah.
[55:14]
Christina Pazsitzky
So pleased with yourself.
[55:15]
Tom Segura
That. Yeah, those were really nice.
[55:16]
Christina Pazsitzky
You know what I'm working on now is. I mean, I've Just tell me if you're open to it. I would love to draw you nude.
[55:29]
Tom Segura
I would love that.
[55:30]
Christina Pazsitzky
Really?
[55:30]
Tom Segura
Of course.
[55:31]
Christina Pazsitzky
You would be down to pose.
[55:32]
Tom Segura
I'll model for you. Yeah, sure.
[55:33]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh, that'd be great. Because you've such an exquisite body and shape, and your penis is. I mean, as you can tell, it just brings so much joy to people. I would love to sketch it.
[55:42]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[55:43]
Christina Pazsitzky
So I think first we should just do it in graphite. See how that goes.
[55:48]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[55:49]
Christina Pazsitzky
And then. Yeah.
[55:50]
Tom Segura
Do you want to work off of a photo of me, or do you want to just. Oh, you want me to pose?
[55:54]
Christina Pazsitzky
Pose. I want you to sit for me.
[55:56]
Tom Segura
Sit for you.
[55:56]
Christina Pazsitzky
Like an art school. You know, they. They usually pay homeless people $50.
[56:00]
Tom Segura
I don't know that that's.
[56:02]
Christina Pazsitzky
It's true. In San Francisco, Shawna told me that when she was in art school, they'd pay, like, homeless people to sit 50. Or, like, students, maybe. Maybe not homeless.
[56:10]
Tom Segura
Yeah. Yeah. I don't know why they had to.
[56:13]
Christina Pazsitzky
Be homeless, but I think that would be. Be a fantastic way for homeless people to make money is to pose for art students.
[56:21]
Tom Segura
Well, it's a great bit of advice if you're out there and you're homeless, go to art school.
[56:27]
Christina Pazsitzky
Go to an art school.
[56:28]
Tom Segura
Right.
[56:29]
Christina Pazsitzky
You're not going to afford art school. You're homeless.
[56:31]
Tom Segura
Knock. Or if they don't hear you scream. And then when they're like, what is it like, I'm ready to pose. See if you can get. Stop it.
[56:41]
Christina Pazsitzky
I can't move my forehead.
[56:42]
Tom Segura
Yeah, that's pretty cool, man.
[56:46]
Christina Pazsitzky
Supposed to keep it still.
[56:47]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[56:49]
Christina Pazsitzky
Can you imagine? You have your homeless model.
[56:51]
Tom Segura
Yeah. And they're like, this guy's really hard to draw. He keeps screaming.
[57:04]
Christina Pazsitzky
Milk tits, man. Of there.
[57:06]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[57:07]
Christina Pazsitzky
Tourette's and. Sure. Yeah, I know.
[57:10]
Tom Segura
Sam, I'm saying, Hannah, like the milkshake. Yeah. Yep, yep.
[57:15]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yep, Yep. Oh, boy.
[57:17]
Tom Segura
She's fat, black, and they're like, okie dokie.
[57:24]
Christina Pazsitzky
Imagine how easy it would be. But they stay still for a long time. That's the good thing. They're used to sitting next because you know. You know what I mean?
[57:36]
Tom Segura
Are you holding your forehead up? You think it's gonna collapse on you?
[57:41]
Christina Pazsitzky
I'm not holding it up. I'm holding it still.
[57:43]
Tom Segura
Is the skin gonna fall down?
[57:44]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yeah, the staples will pop out if I left. I have to keep it stationary. Sort of got. My surgeon told me not to. Like, you're supposed to do a lot.
[57:54]
Tom Segura
He was like, don't laugh.
[57:55]
Christina Pazsitzky
No, you can laugh, but, like, I'm not supposed to bend over or, like, put blood flow to it.
[58:00]
Tom Segura
That would be crazy right now if blood just started streaming down your face. We just saw blood trickling from all these open sutures, and we're like, oh, my God.
[58:16]
Christina Pazsitzky
Because literally there's. Literally there's staples in my head.
[58:21]
Tom Segura
Here you are.
[58:24]
Christina Pazsitzky
Google, like. Like eyebrow. Eyebrow lift staples.
[58:28]
Tom Segura
Oh, Jesus.
[58:29]
Christina Pazsitzky
I swear to God, it's so gnarly. And he won't look at him. And I keep wanting to show you what it looks like. Like, I'm not even sure how the. They keep the staples in my skull. How, like, is it. It's just on the layer of skin. It's not into my skull. Like, how the did that guy staple it? There's like. Like a row of staples here and a row of staples here, and I have to put bacitrin on it or some.
[58:52]
Tom Segura
Here, look at this.
[58:53]
Christina Pazsitzky
That ain't it.
[58:54]
Tom Segura
Look.
[58:54]
Christina Pazsitzky
That's it. That's what it looks like.
[58:55]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[58:56]
Christina Pazsitzky
Isn't that. That is in my head right now.
[58:58]
Tom Segura
Look at this one over here.
[58:59]
Christina Pazsitzky
Look at this. I don't trust you. You. He's gonna puke.
[59:04]
Tom Segura
I know he's not.
[59:05]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yes, he is.
[59:06]
Tom Segura
No, he's. Look, he's fine. The double bird.
[59:14]
Christina Pazsitzky
You. You're such a. You know that psycho. Yeah. No. You're crazier than me for sure. You're crazier than me. You show your wife that's got emetophobia. Barf.
[59:26]
Tom Segura
Well, I'm trying to say my medical problems. I didn't put it in.
[59:29]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yes, you did.
[59:29]
Tom Segura
I did not.
[59:30]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yes, you did.
[59:31]
Tom Segura
I did not.
[59:32]
Christina Pazsitzky
You told Josh to put it in.
[59:33]
Tom Segura
They may have. I don't remember.
[59:37]
Christina Pazsitzky
How are they going to take them out? Can you. Can you. Because I'm so curious. Because it's going to hurt, dude. How are they going to rip staples out of my. Out of My skull.
[59:45]
Tom Segura
I don't.
[59:45]
Christina Pazsitzky
Like, are they going to use, like, a stapler remover?
[59:48]
Tom Segura
Yeah, the one from Office Depot. Yeah. They're going to go to Staples and then they're just going to rip it out or.
[59:54]
Christina Pazsitzky
Smart and final. Yeah, yeah, you're smart. All sales are final.
[59:58]
Tom Segura
Yep.
[59:59]
Christina Pazsitzky
I think they're gonna.
[60:00]
Tom Segura
Yeah, that's what.
[60:02]
Christina Pazsitzky
I mean. It's. They're in there.
[60:03]
Tom Segura
I don't know why you didn't let me do the surgery. I could have done it. I could have done it, dude.
[60:08]
Christina Pazsitzky
Yo, you should see my surgeon's beautiful baby hands.
[60:10]
Tom Segura
Oh, so soft, dude.
[60:11]
Christina Pazsitzky
He's got, like, lady hands. Like, they're like.
[60:14]
Tom Segura
I've. I've shook hands with plastic surgeons.
[60:16]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh, my God.
[60:17]
Tom Segura
Wow. Yeah.
[60:18]
Christina Pazsitzky
Literally, his hands are like. Like the tiny hands like mine.
[60:22]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[60:22]
Christina Pazsitzky
But. And softer.
[60:23]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[60:24]
Christina Pazsitzky
And nicer. And he's like a regular sized dude.
[60:26]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[60:27]
Christina Pazsitzky
And like, I just. I saw, like.
[60:29]
Tom Segura
Yeah, I would do this incision here.
[60:32]
Christina Pazsitzky
Well, here's what happened. So first I saw him. Two years. First of all, there was like a year waiting list to get to see this guy. He's like the best of Beverly Hills, right?
[60:39]
Tom Segura
Yeah.
[60:39]
Christina Pazsitzky
So I thought. I mean, with him two years ago, and he goes, yeah, you've got a lot of skin up here. Do you sleep on the left side? I go, yeah. He goes, I can tell because that side is mashed. He's like, really simple lunch hour procedure. We're just gonna trim the skin off your eyelids and stitch them up a week, take the stitches out, you're fine. And that is a nothing burger. The eyelids don't. That is nothing. Anyway, I haven't seen him in a couple years because I had cancer. I was supposed to have it done, whatever. And I go see him like, a week and a half ago, and he goes, huh, Something's changed. And I was like, yeah, dude, I'm older, fatter, uglier. Of course, I'm rotting. I'm decaying. Like, what do you mean?
[61:17]
Tom Segura
Some two years.
[61:19]
Christina Pazsitzky
And then he's like, yeah, we're gonna. I want to do a brow lift, too. And he. And I was like, just please don't make me look like.
[61:27]
Tom Segura
How'S everybody doing? Yeah.
[61:29]
Christina Pazsitzky
And he goes, no. He's like, that's everybody's worst fear. I'll never. I won't do that. It's going to be very moderate. And I was like, all right, dude. Yeah.
[61:37]
Tom Segura
And you're saying, what should I get done? You're saying I should.
[61:39]
Christina Pazsitzky
Oh, you need everything. You need to go the Full. They need to, you know, in Tom Cruise, Mission Impossible, rip that whole face off and then stick it back on tighter.
[61:50]
Tom Segura
Everything.
[61:50]
Christina Pazsitzky
No, here's what you need to do. I would do a lower blepharoplasty because your eye bags are pretty heavy.
[61:56]
Tom Segura
Yep.
[61:57]
Christina Pazsitzky
And then maybe, I don't know, raise the brow a little bit. I don't know. Because you're a man, though.
[62:01]
Tom Segura
Yeah, I'm a guy.
[62:02]
Christina Pazsitzky
And he does men, of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should definitely blacken your beard. That'll make you look younger if you make the beard and the eyebrows black. And then you have to get white veneers.
[62:16]
Tom Segura
I pull it back like this.
[62:18]
Christina Pazsitzky
Big white teeth. That makes you look so young.
[62:21]
Tom Segura
It's great to be in Philadelphia. How are you guys doing? You want to hear some jokes?
[62:26]
Christina Pazsitzky
That's gonna be me. Get the veneers.
[62:30]
Tom Segura
Okay.
[62:30]
Christina Pazsitzky
I'm telling you, that looks so nice.
[62:34]
Tom Segura
Sounds nice.
[62:34]
Christina Pazsitzky
When you're old and you have solid white teeth.
[62:37]
Tom Segura
Huge white teeth. It looks good. Yes. All right, we're gonna take. Well, we're gonna wrap it up and.
[62:45]
Christina Pazsitzky
Okay.
[62:46]
Tom Segura
We'll be back next week and hopefully with a whole new look.
[62:49]
Christina Pazsitzky
Whole new look, dude.
[62:50]
Tom Segura
Excited.
[62:50]
Christina Pazsitzky
We'll see.
[62:51]
Tom Segura
We'll see you guys in two and two.
[62:54]
Christina Pazsitzky
As a deal, man.
[62:56]
Tom Segura
Four strokes as a deal, man. Four strokes as a deal, man. Four strokes and the deal, man.
[63:07]
Christina Pazsitzky
And he came in. Four strokes, smoke and mess with a smold and dick.
[63:11]
Tom Segura
Four strokes.
[63:13]
Christina Pazsitzky
Smoke smith was a smold and dick.
[63:17]
Tom Segura
Smoke smith was a smold and thick for drugs. Smokes mess with the slow lymph, dick, you won't believe how good it feels. Smokes mess with the slow lymph, dick. Four strokes, smokes mess with the swollen dick. We want to leave a good feel Smoke, smack with the smoke. Smoke, smack with the smoke. We want to leave a good feel for strokes, for strokes, for strokes, for strokes.
[63:55]
Christina Pazsitzky
Right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now, right now.
[64:28]
Tom Segura
Four throws.
[64:30]
Christina Pazsitzky
Ever deal there?
[64:32]
Tom Segura
Four throws ever, ever deal, Mary. Smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke, smoke.